#if the weather would just fucking calm down id be FINE

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

if one more person give me bad news tonight im going to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) eat a bug and jump in The Lake

[slut4sway]

tracksuits and red wine (movies for two)

Dumb conversations We lose track of time Have I told you lately I'm grateful you're mine We'll watch The Notebook For the 17th time I'll say "It's stupid" Then you'll catch me crying

We're not making out On a boat in the rain Or in a house I've painted blue But there's nothing Like doing nothing

With you

💋💌•••••••••••••••❤️‍🩹🍷

tags : suzufield, nick suzuki, cole caufield, hurt/comfort, injured/comfort, hockey rpf, tooth rotting fluff, valentine’s day, love letters, fluff, coles injury, title inspired by bruno major

notes: LOVERRRRRRRR

2/14/23

Nick was living.

Cole wasn't.

The poor boy has been injured, and because of his shoulder he'd been out for the whole rest of the season. He didn't take this news lightly when he received the notice he'd be having surgery; since his whole world seemed to cave in under his feet. Hockey was Cole's life. He lived, breathed, and slept hockey and without it his life would definitely take a turn for the worse.

Nick was there to make it better as always. He'd seen Cole fall apart and he has been right there to pick him right back up again. Even when Cole had anger growing in his bones and just letting it go and taking it out on the world, Nick never left. It was obvious the energetic, goofy kid had turned into a rage-filled maniac. Cole could hardly express his emotions already, and showing it through anger seemed like the easiest alternative because he could have something to be mad at. A reason to be angry. His injury didn't happen for a reason and he knew it. Maybe to slow him down and let him come back and reflect on himself, but ultimately it made things worse. He was on fucking fire and on his way to burning down the league; but now his team is on their way to tank.

Yes. Cole is alive. But he isn't at the same time.

Nick was right there to not let him shatter.

•

The small blonde boy lied on the porch of their lakehouse just outside the city. The home was quiet, devoid of his lover's presence. Canadien's postgame broadcast of course, playing in the background off of Cole's phone falsely filled the emptiness. Small ripples reflected the vague moonlight off of the water, with a few birds chirping and rustling the trees above it.

Birds? Already? For fucks sake, it's the middle of winter in Canada.

Quebec's bipolar weather was in his favor today since he could just sit out on the porch swing and stare off into nothing sipping tea and being alone with his thoughts. Oh, Cole. Oh, baby. Him and his damn overthinking.

What's Nick doing right now?

Is he coming home soon?

Is he still with the guys in the locker room?

How is he?

I wonder if he texted me.

Should I check?

What's the point, I never got a notification sound so...?

Did Nick forget Valentine's day?

He said he would be home by 11pm...

Its 11:06.

Calm down, it's only 6 minutes.

What if he got in a car wreck?

Fuck, fuck, fuck...

He's fine.

No he's not.

I should text him.

Cole picked up his phone and opened it with face id, miraculously since he looked nothing like himself as if he hasn't slept in days. He pulled up Nick's contact and typed. Then deleted his words. Typed again. Backspace again. Finally finding the words, he just let his fingers swipe something onto the keyboard mindlessly. Hitting send, he heard back from Nick in seconds.

c : are you okay?

n : yes ml, almost done. don't worry.

Almost done? Nick was definitely planning something because he would have said almost home. Maybe he wasn't. Probably just Cole overthinking again. He just ignored it and went on.

c : imu

n : ik. almost done.

c : how was the game

n : okay i guess, had fun. wish you would've been playing with me

c : ugh don't remind me

Read 11:10pm

Okay. Just something else on Cole's mind. Great.

Nick never means to add more to his doubt, but he can't help it since Cole can pull almost anything out of his ass and worry about it. It was like a superpower. A really shitty superpower.

•

About 15 minutes had passed, and Cole was struggling to keep his eyes open. Without Nick or something to focus on, staying awake was a challenge. The broadcast had become white noise and eventually faded away. He was wrapped up in a sherpa blanket, and the small eighth of his tea he had left in the mug had gone cold and grew to be the same temperature as outside.

Abruptly, the front door came flying open and Nick busted out of the doorway almost tripping over himself and dropping the wax-sealed letter he held between his fingers.

''Happy Valentine's Day, Colesy!'' He was wearing the biggest smile Cole had ever seen, and he looked no different from a teenager getting a phone call from their crush or some other bullshit. Nick was so big and dumb it made Cole mad. But he loved being mad for Nick.

Madly in love with him, that is.

''Nicholas, fuck- you scared me!'' The blonde boy snapped, even though he could never be angry at Nick. Nick with his perfect hands. Nick with his dark hair. Nick with his deep voice. Nick with his heartwarming laugh. Nick with his pearly white smile. Nick with his swelled muscles. Nick.

''I'm sorry, I'm sorry! It's worth it, I promise'' Nick's smile radiated pure sunshine on dark days and happy energy. It was so genuine and sweet it could have melted Cole right then and there if he was ice cream.

''Hmm.. alright.'' Cole returned an affectionate smirk as he hauled himself from the porch swing and took the envelope from Nick's hands. He took a big step to the side into the doorway, all his joints starting to thaw and become loose again as the heat circulated around them.

Nick brought a hand up to caress his cheek as he followed him inside, toying with his sandy hair between his fingers. He watched as the smaller boy's recovering shoulder lay limp, with his arm lying motionless besides the small jerks because of physics in the sling. Cole kept scratching and scratching at the wax seal, leaving red shavings all under his fingernails.

''Here. Let me.'' The older boy gently took the envelope from his hands and peeled away the wax seal. Cole then snatched it from his hands, eager to read as he pulled it from the white envelope.

The note was folded up and quite thick, and when Cole had pulled it out it unraveled like a ball of yarn and folded-up sheets of paper fell to the floor; almost looking like an accordion.

''Nicky..'' Cole was both in shock and completely enamored, as some color ran to his cheeks watching it fall to the floor, some words written in Nick's messy handwriting scribbled onto the page stood out, with little red hearts whenever Nick mentioned his name.

Dear Colesy, You're mine. You're my world. My everything. My boy. I'll scream it from the fucking rafters, Cole. I have not come across love as deep as this. You have redefined the meaning of love to me and showed me that I deserve it in every possible way. Its in the way you call my name, the way you hold my hand, the many jokes you crack, the many tears you wipe off my face, and the words of encouragement you give me every day. I go to bed knowing that I have genuine love from you, and for once, all the love I give is returned to me in these beautiful ways. I love you, Cole. I adore you and would not trade our love for each other with anything in this world. It is as simple as it comes but one of the most beautiful things I have had in my life. You have made it safe for us to be ourselves without fear of judgment. You have pushed us far to grow and improve as individuals and lovers. I can confidently say that I have experienced true love with you, and this is always what I wanted. When I think about you, I feel blessed and loved. You are like home to me, and the calmness and peace that comes with knowing someone loves you genuinely. I feel the love in how you treat me and push me to become a better person. I have broken barriers and beliefs that stopped me from realizing my best self with you in my life. Thank you for being such an integral part of my growth. One thing I know for sure is that this relationship has taught me things I would never have learned if I didn’t meet you. You have helped me redefine myself and the things I want for myself. I have dug deep into myself and discovered my potential to make it in life. Thank you for loving me and impacting my life so positively. No one can change my belief that you are a fantastic person to your loved ones and me. You have so much love to give; I get inspired to do the same for the people around me. Your impact on my life is far beyond the love notes, the kisses, and the dates; it is how I seek inspiration from you to become better for me, you, and everyone else. Your love never fails, and ours has proven that over and over again. I am confident in what we have built together and where we are heading. This is just the beginning of a beautiful, fulfilling future together. Cheers to many bright days and happy moments together; I love you. I never lose the spark I get from our relationship. Every time I see you, I feel like the first time I lay my eyes on you. You remain my crush, and the feeling remains so fresh and alive. The love we are creating for ourselves will be magical, and we will be glad we stuck together. My life is as peaceful as it can get with you by my side. You have shown me what love feels like and why it is important to everyone. Knowing that you wake up every day and choose to love me gives me more confidence to work on me and us. I love you more now than ever. Knowing I have this precious gift in my life makes me want to see another day. You are worth treasuring, and with every passing day, I will show my appreciation for being in my life. You are more than I imagined, more than I prayed for, and more than I ever wanted. No joy goes beyond the feeling I get when I am with you. You spark a lot of appreciation for life because you are in mine. And, knowing that you will always be here for us gives me hope for a happy future together. I love you for everything that you are and will be. Life has not been the same since I decided to bring you into my life bubble. You have been with me during the dark days and the happy days, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I get to do life with you as we figure out our dreams and aspirations. I am happy I have you here with me. I know I say this a lot, but I didn’t think I’d find love as deep as this one. You have made me believe in the power of letting love lead the way for us, and this has revealed to us the most beautiful thing ever; our love. I can't wait to see what the future holds, but I know it will be beautiful and worth the journey. Love, Nicky <3

Cole's eyes darted across the page, pulling it up from the floor every now and then to continue reading until he got to the bottom of the page. Some tears pooled in his tired eyes, as he looked back at Nick who was just standing there still beaming at him.

''Nicholas..!'' Cole let the tears fall from his eyes, as his voice shook from the emotional words that Nick had poured his heart out through.

''I love you so much, more than words could ever explain'' The taller boy traced gentle circles into Cole's bad shoulder, massaging his scalp as Cole cried into his chest and left small wet spots on his shirt.

Cole could smell the teakwood body wash on Nick's skin even through his shirt, just another aspect that made him Nick. He felt the larger body gently lift him from the ground, being gentle with his shoulder as Nick steadied him and carried him to their bedroom.

''All mine, baby.''

The blonde boy lifted his head away from Nick, glancing around at the room until the bay window caught his eye. It was adorned with rose petals, pink and red pillows, blankets, a shit ton of candy, and two wine glasses on the nightstand dragged next to their new cozy spot.

''Y-you did all this? For me? Seriously, Nick?'' Now Cole was beaming just as bright and happy as Nick was; still admiring what Nick had set up.

''When did you even get the time?''

''Is that why you came from the front door?''

''I mean I wonder why I heard your car parking out back and-''

Words flew out of Cole's mouth like the spitfire boy he was, so many thoughts circulating his head and coming straight out.

''Shhh.. Settle.'' He cooed, interrupting his constant flow of consciousness. Nick carried him to the window, setting him down softly while still being careful with his shoulder. Nick made himself comfortable, holding the blanket to the side as he motioned for him to lie in his lap.

Cole likes Nick's thighs. Like a lot. Maybe more than a lot. Cole really likes Nick's thighs. If Cole had the energy, he'd be leaving marks and bites all over him. Maybe another time when his shoulder is not fucked up. But for now, all he wants is to lay his head on Nick's thighs and let the rest of the night waste away with him.

Cole propped his shoulder up on a pillow, while Nick grabbed a glass and gently held Cole's chin up to make it easier to drink. The younger boy let his jaw slack, as his lover gently tipped the glass further so the French wine could pour out into his mouth. The flavors of bittersweet alcohol danced on his tongue. Nick twirled Cole's silky hair around his fingers, placing the wine glass back then taking a sip of his own.

Both boys continued this for a while, not needing to say anything. Being in each other's presence was enough.

The moonlight flooded in through the window, as they continued to let the time tick away and the ripples on the lake roll. Nick definitely didn't forget Valentine's Day.

[theyscreamjade]

Also, sorry if my request came off as "demanding" if you don’t feel like writing it that’s totally fine. 💜

Don’t Change Who You Are.

Let’s continue ~, YALL REALLY THOUGHT ID LEAVE YOU ON A CLIFFHANGER?!

——————————————

You arrived at the café where you’d usually meet a group of your friends before work. After seeking help from Neoma and a few recommendations from Mina as well, your whole demeanor changed. You no longer trained as hard, wore black or even baggy clothes, your attitude changed as well. You were no longer angry at the little things, or as cocky as you’d normally be during battles.

You walked into the café, holding a purse in your hand that held your boyfriend’s lunch and a few other things. You wore a tight pink dress with beige heels along with a fluffy jacket from the cold weather.

Upon the first reaction, Jade was quick to drop her jaw along with her phone. Kirishima soon followed before the whole table looked at you with astonishment. “.....What’s wrong?” You asked, worried.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” Jade asked, looking at you up and down. “It’s a dress...” you replied. Jade quickly snapped her head to Neoma and glared at her. “I’m gonna kick your ass..” “What?! Why?!” She cried out. “Yeah, Why Jade?!” You asked, looking at her confused.

“Because you were fine the way you are!” She said, looking back towards you. “I kind of like the new you,” Denki said before getting a charger plug popped into his mouth. “I don’t mind the change honey, I’m always all about it. This is just to...get someone’s attention but you already have.” She explained as you sat down.

“Then why is he so busy with that skank then? She’s been overstaying her welcome and it’s pushing me past my limit.” You confessed, anger boiling inside you.

“Have you thought to even confide in him?” Symphony signed, curiously before she sipped her smoothie. “I don’t do confining... it makes me feel weak.” You told them as Symphony sighed softly.

She pulled out her phone and typed quickly before playing an automated voice. “TELL HIM, HOW YOU FEEL!! HES A BLIND HOTHEAD YOU KNOW?!” Siri said before she looked back.

“I second that with Symph, Why didn’t you just talk to him? Tell him how you feel because he’s just going to keep doing it.” Jade soon added, looking at you.

You sighed and looked at the small group of people and a bird before you decided to give in. You needed to release some of this pent-up anger. After ordering a drink for the road, everyone soon started walking towards the main headquarters. It was time for the weekly meeting to talk about any new villains, what to watch out for, and others. Some would watch through their phones or laptop and others were able to just arrive at the large building.

When you walked in, everyone paused to look at you. It wasn’t even like you, while others stared, others began to mumble a bit. You recognized the spiky hair from a mile away as your legs began to move to him.

You were almost there when you spotted a white heeled boot, clock in beside before he turned around. You swayed your hips like Mina instructed and stood close to him. “Hey Baby~,” you said in a teasing tone. His eyebrow was raised immediately before he asked. “What the hell are you wearing?” He asked, confused.

“You like it? It’s a dress..” you said, smiling before you handed him his lunch you made for him. “I brought you lunch, I hope y-“

“Oh, I already brought him lunch. Don’t worry about it, I’m sure you’d like to keep it.” The girl commented as your grip tightened. “Considering, he’s my boyfriend and all. I was hoping. He’d like to take mine, I know how much he loves his spicy curry.” You responded, trying to keep your anger together.

“I could’ve sworn that he was sin-“ gravity suddenly dropped as Jade quickly made a shield around everyone. “He’s not single, you fucking skank.” You finally said as she glared towards you.

“How sad, I guess you're acting like me just to get his attention. If he’s yours? Why would you try to be like me?!” She asked, stepping back as she activated her quirk. Those were fighting stances, you didn’t care what she said. She activated her quirk and got into a stance. You shoved the lunch into Neoma’s hand and made a jump for it as Bakugo caught you mid-air.

“Okay. Guys, let’s take a deep breath and calm down.” Neoma began to suggest as the sidekick rolled her eyes. “We can start by you shutting up.” She responded before everyone paused. “Oh shit.” Symphony signed, her eyes growing big.

“Why don’t we have a chat?” Jade suggested, grabbing the girl by her costume. “I’m going to teach you a few lessons about relationships and how you talk to Pro-Hero’s, you fucking sidekick.” She said, trying to hide her obvious annoyance while dragging her away. The group soon followed, trying to relax the angel-like hero from committing a huge sin...like murder.

Bakugo snatched you away from the large crowd and shut you both in a closet nearby. It was a large storage closet full of old things and cleaning supplies. “What the hell is up with you?” He asked, looking down at you.

That question alone, made your blood boil. “WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ME?! WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH YOU?!” You screamed. “YOUVE BEEN PRANCING AROUND THIS BITCH WITH THAT SLUT ON YOUR FUCKING BACK 24/7! YOU HAVENT BEEN WITH ME IN TWO FUCKING WEEKS! AND EVERYTIME I TRY TO TALK TO YOU, ITS IVE GOTTA TRAIN HER THIS! AND I GOTTA WORK THAT! ALL THE FUCKING TIME! NOT ONLY THAT, COULD YOU SUGGEST TO THE BITCH TO GET SOME FUCKING BOUNDARIES?! SHES ALL OVER YOU AND ITS PISSING ME THE FUCK O-“ you gasped softly, feeling your body pinned against the locked door.

“You’re so fucking hot when you’re jealous..” he grunted, a smirk forming on his face and a hardened bulge in his costume. You took a glance down to his pants before looking into his eyes, grabbing his shirt as you kissed him deeply.

His hands slammed against the door while you snatched the stupid dress from your body, breaking the zipper in the process. You had your costume here in the lockers so you could always just simply change here. Anger, jealousy, and lust swirled together made the room feel tense yet that tension was being released at the same time.

Your leg was lifted to his hip as his hand snaked to your ass, your arms wrapped around his neck while he bit and sucked your spot on your neck. Your head touched the door as his slams made the door shake.

Your moans gracefully slipped out without hesitation, you wanted her to hear just what he could do to you that she couldn’t have. You had to make sure she heard you.

Your noses touched each other as you and he stared into each other’s eyes, a smirk forming from your lips. “You’re such a show-off, babe, ~” he growled softly, pounding you harder, his grip getting tighter. “And you’re all fucking mine..” you responded to him, scratching his back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey? Where’s Kacchan and Y/N?” Deku asked, looking around the room curiously. “They’re here, just not in here,” Jade explained, smiling innocently.

“That’s strange. I’ll go l-“ “I WOULDNT DO THAT..” she said quickly, standing up. “Why not, what are they doing?” Deku asked, curiously as Denki snickered softly.

“They’re having lunch. Bakugo wanted to have sandwiches so they went somewhere to make some.” Kirishima explained as Symphony slapped her head in annoyance.

“Why on e-“ “FUCK IT, I HAVE A SIDEKICK LOCKED IN MINETA’S APARTMENT!” Jade screamed as Deku paused. “What?!” He screamed as Ochacko stood up.

“Why did you put her there?!” Mina asked as Sero couldn’t help but laugh at the hilarious scene in his head. “He’s single, she’s single and desperate. I made a match in heaven.” Jade explained. “What the hell am I going to do with you...Let’s just begin.” Deku said, walking towards the projector.

A loud moan echoed from the hallway while Jade acted as if she was yawning. Neoma walked from the bathroom as Jade suddenly yelled at her. “Ah! There’s my bag!” Jade said as Neoma yelled. “I’m coming! I’m coming!” over your voice.

The one thing no one could block out that even Deku heard, was the infamous name of the hero that was getting you to your blissful climax.

“DYNAMIGHT!”

[shinymooncolor]

Hi!

Hope you’re all doing well this fine Friday. Here’s part 2 of the sweater weather chat #13!

As usual, we owe this entire fandom and world to the amazing @lumosinlove 💓

Thank you to @frombeauxbatons and @siriuslyqueer for being so cool!

Also - to avoid confusion. A Finn is a Finnish person and Finn is our love Finn o’hara 😜

Link to part one 💖

Sergei is still mad about his hair. He’s also got sweaty glitter in his eye. Ava is adorable. Nado and Kuny hosts an after party. Their cat is adorable and spoiled. Nado is being stalked by a drone. Blizzard is a lucky man. We discuss dick pics. Logan wants to be supportive. O’Knutzy jerseys!!!!! Olli has a team of protectors cause he’s a precious moomin.

—

“JACKIIEEEEEE”

“Oh, looks like we have a young lions prospect joining us as well. Nice to meet you, young lady, what’s your name? And here we have Kris LaVolie, Pascal Dumais and Henrik Sunnquist as well”

“Jackieeee wanna pwayyyyy”

“Sure kiddo - bye”

“Seems like LaVolie junior has more important things than press. Gentlemen, hi! How’re you enjoying this event today?”

“I think it’s great! Great to be able to support charities and show some support in general and it’s always fun to be able to bring my little girl to skate”

“She looks like a natural! And you two vets - what’s it like seeing this in the nhl?”

“It’s great! We’ve, or well me and sunny, have been in the game for a long time and it seems like the league is ready to move into the 21st century with the rest of us”

“I’ve been trying to figure out what happened to Ivanov’s hair. Do you know?”

“Well I don’t personally. I do like the color - mixed with his blonde it’s nearly the color of my home. Yellow and blue”

“Did you dye his hair then?”

“I would never! You’d have to ask him yourself. Hah”

“Well he’s been avoiding me so far”

“Oi Sergei!!”

“Well with that bellow it seems we’re finally joined by the final third in the trio of lions veterans today - sergei - we’ve had a lot of viewers ask us about your choice of hair color today? Is it a statement or?”

“Is stupid prank. I’m find out and make regret. Also I’m full with glitter and it sweats into my eye”

“That sounds uncomfortable but you all four look good - are your families here as well?”

“Yes, most kitted out as well. We had some trouble with my youngest who refused to wear anything but a paw patrol onesie but other than that Celeste managed to wrangle the other three into their jerseys”

“They think it’s fun and the glitter was a hit. Sergei’s daughter dumped an entire box of glitter on Logan and kuny. It was funny”

“Thanks guys, you look like you’re ready to get back out there”

“See ya”

“Wait, Logan, interview?”

“Hey”

“Logan! We’ve had multiple asks about your jersey and the name which seems to be on the back off Leo Newt and Finn O’Hara too?”

“Uhm, yeah, it’s an inside thing”

“Ohh okay, our viewers were wondering. Are you enjoying today’s event?”

“Yeah. Feels good to be out and supporting you know? Like there’s a lot of kids out there who’s scared and if I can help one I want to”

“Yes definitely. We’ve had so many positive comments come in. And here we have Olli Halla joining. Or... heh well. He’s got Logan in a headlock now”

“Olli! How’re you today?”

“I’m good thank you, how’re you?”

“Very well, just been asking some questions from viewers. Are you enjoying wearing the rainbow colors? We’ve had a lot of question regarding your relationship status?”

“Ohh Ollibear is a precious, single moomin and he’s got a team of protectors. Whoever wants to woo our precious baby Finn has to go through a series of tests to even be considered”

“Shut up timmy”

“Well here we have Timmy Jones as well, joining Logan Tremblay and Olli Halla”

“I think we all look good in rainbows and I’m happy to support this cause. Mental health is important and we have to use our platforms to make sure everyone is seen and heard and validated”

“Aww Olli you’re making me cry”

“Shut up lo, go play with Finn”

“Haha you’re all just jealous cause I look best in rainbows”

“That was Logan Tremblay. Now, timmy, how’re you feeling about today?”

“Get to wear awesome colors, get to skate for fun and it was fun to do glitter wars in the locker room”

“Well with that I’m gonna end the transmission for now. Do send in more questions. We’re back after a short break”

—-

Nadotheman: oiii glitter after party at our house!!! Bring your families and babies. Pets welcome too!!!

Blizzard: this is not another surprise party for your cat right?

RussianGod: it was anniversary for first month very important say so in lily baby book.

Prongstar: are you using our baby books to raise a cat?

KrisVolley: that explains a lot. They send me weekly updates. Do you have a baby book for her too?

Timmyforrealz: of course, I’ve seen it. You know they have a photographer every month. They do parties for her every anniversary and they went through an agency to get a cat sitter

Ollibear: it’s cute. Though I don’t need the daily updates on her mice eating skills

Nadotheman: she’s so talented! How’re you not impressed? She hunted and killed it herself... you don’t complain when we have some stupid kid party. You all breed like fucking rabbits... baby showers, christenings, birthdays ahhhh... so many babies... we get to celebrate our cat too...

Prongstar: did you steal my baby book? To raise a cat. That’s weird

Nadotheman: calm down she’s a kitty and we didn’t know how to raise her. At least my baby sleeps through the night.

Prongstar: don’t compare a kitten to my baby.

CarbO’Hara: hahahahaha poor James. His kid being upstaged by a spoilt kitten.

RussianGod: she’s not spoilt. She got good parents

Sergei_81: you are weird. Baby cat is not baby human.

Talkiewalkie: I did enjoy the circle of life themed cat name giving party. The snacks were really good!

DumoDad: celeste, Anya and linnea want to know if there’s going to be anything x-rated? Otherwise we’re all not going.

Nadotheman: that was one time and I had no idea she was a stripper

LeWilliam: how do you accidentally order a stripper?

Prongstar: it’s Nado. I wouldn’t put it past him. He did accidentally adopt a penguin in Pittsburgh and he’s joined like three pyramid schemes?

Ollibear: that’s why he’s got an accountant now 😂 that is one of the best memories of my life, when Nado’s mom came and yelled 😂😂😂

Siriusly: I spent $150 on a stupid cat present and she spent the rest of the evening playing with the box it came in... she’s definitely your cat...

RussianGod: best cat best cat parents best after party stop whiny

Logantremblayzzz: we’re in!!! Is the jacuzzi on?

Nadotheman: you’re not doing sex stuff in our jacuzzi

Newt-leo: we’ve all seen the photos of you doing it though. Little hypocritical

Nadotheman: well stupid drone stalking me.

Sergei_81: we bring vodka. And babies. They want play street hockey? Is March. They crazy

Talkiewalkie: oh I’m in for street hockey!! Also does that explain the amount of dick pics we’ve received?

Nadotheman: what happens on Snapchat stays on Snapchat... you’re all dirty voyeurs...

Ollibear: thought you promised to keep this pg-13?

DumoDad: that’s the pArty not the chat. I don’t think we’ve exhausted the topic of nado’s general sluttiness

Nadotheman: oi. I’m not a slut I’m sexually expressive and ya lot is all just jealous.

Nadotheman: also no one is chasing kuny? He’s dating around as much as me and he’s also sent dick pics

Blizzard: the difference is that Kuny is always naked or semi naked and well we’ve all seen his. And most of his bragging is in Russian anyways

Sunnysideup: hah if you understood you’d be ashamed. And also want to lock up your daughters.😂😂😂

RussianGod: is the accent. They all think they fix me hehe

Prongstar: I’m not even missing being single at all 😳

Blizzard: me neither 😜

Nadotheman: you’ve got Nat. I think you’ve won. Hands down. Your wives are all cool but Nat.... damnnnn 🙏🏻

Blizzard: id say back off but. What can I do 😜💖💖

—-

[tobin-heaths]

You too? 

plot: You forgot the card to your hotel room and Tobin was nowhere to be found.

pairing: Tobin Heath x Reader

words: 1163

"Oh dear god, no!" You stood in front of your hotel room door and felt yourself panicking upon not finding the card in your bag.

"What's going on here?" Kelley, who was about to step into her room next to yours came over to you. "Are you alright?" She asked.

"I'm so screwed. I think I forgot my card inside." You dropped your head against the wood of the door and slowly breathed in trying to calm yourself.

"So what? You can just ask Tobin?" She gently placed her hand on your shoulder.

"Right. Okay, I'll try to call her. I don't know where she is though."

Your hands dug through your bag to get your phone out. You unlocked it and pressed on her contact. Holding it to your ear you wanted nothing more than to hear her voice.

"Fuck, she's not picking up. What am I gonna do now? I need a shower and all my stuff is in there!" Panic rose in you.

"Hey, first of all watch your language," Kelley smirked at you. "And second, I'm sure somebody knows where she went. Let's go ask the others. Try calling her again in a few minutes." She pulled you away from the door and over to the elevators.

Today was the team's off day, everyone was out somewhere enjoying the nice weather in France. It could take a while to find somebody. You knew that some people got out to the city for shopping, even that could take hours before anyone would return.

"How did you manage to actually forget the card inside? That never happened before. You're such a klutz." Kelley laughed.

"I don't know, I just remember us wanting to go to breakfast together but then she told me she didn't like her outfit so she's gonna change again, telling me to go ahead already. Must have left the card on the table then."

"The team is so going to roast you for this, you know that. What will Jill say about this, oh dear." She couldn't manage to stifle her giggles.

"Please don't remind me." You rolled your eyes.

"Did she mention anything about her plans at breakfast?" She asked once you arrived in the lobby.

You thought back to breakfast. Tobin and you sitting at a table with Abby and Sam but nobody actually spoke about any plans.

"Sup, Sonny. Have you seen Tobin by any chance?" You came across Emily sitting in the lobby on her phone.

"Didn't you wanna take a shower? Nah, I haven't seen her since breakfast. Have you tried to call Christen?" She looked from you to Kelley and frowned.

"What's going on here? Are you in trouble?" She winked.

"She left her keycard inside the hotel room and hasn't been able to reach Tobin." Kelley replied.

While Sonny and Kels joked around you called Christen.

"Hey Y/N. What's up?" You were relieved she picked up.

"Thank god, Christen. Have you seen Tobin? I really need her keycard."

"Tobin? She isn't with me but I think she went out with Pinoe, Ali and Ash. Might as well try to call them."

"Thanks, Chris. You're a life saver. Love ya." And with that you hung up.

"Alright. Seems like she went out with Pinoe, Ali and Ash. I'll just walk back to the pool and put on a towel."

You looked down at yourself, still in your flip flops and bikini. Kelley, Sonny, Mal and you had been at the pool for quite some time.

"Guess we will go out for lunch without you then. Are you still up for it Kelley?" Sonny asked.

You left them behind, of course thanking your friend for her services and walking towards the pool area.

You grabbed a towel, put on your sunglasses and sat down at the pool side.

"Please pick up, please pick up." You prayed as you called Ali.

"Ali here, how can I help?" You frowned.

"Ali? Why are you so formal?" Crossing your legs you sat up confused. Across the pool you could spot Alex, Carli and Abby tanning.

"Y/N? Oh, sorry. I didn't look at the caller iD. What's up? Are you okay?"

"Is Tobin with you? It's an emergency."

"Yeah, she's next to me. I'll give her the phone, wait." You could hear Ali mumbling about an emergency and mentioning your name before you heard the voice of your girlfriend.

"Babe? What's going on? Where are you? Are you okay? Ali said it's an emergency? My phone was on silent, I'm so sorry!" Her voice was hectic and full of worry.

You laughed at how cute she sounded.

"I'm fine, baby. I forgot the keycard in the room. I need yours. Are you far away? I'm still in my bikini and wet hair, really need to shower and dress."

You waved back at Carli and laid down again.

"Okay, I'm coming back immediately. Give me five minutes. Where can I meet you?"

You told her to meet you at the pool and hung up the phones. It didn't take long for her to show up, slightly out of breath. Did she run?

"Babe!" You stood up and kissed her on the lips.

Intertwining your hands you went back to your shared hotel room. "I'm so glad you showed up. I didn't wanna go to Jill and ask for help." You giggled and leaned against her.

"I'll always be your knight in shining armor."

Tobin rummaged through her purse as you stood just outside the door. She turned to you with wide eyes and you knew you were fucked.

"Please don't tell me you forgot it inside as well." She nodded embarrassed and you groaned.

"Guess we have to face Jill now," She put her arm around your naked waist and kissed your cheek. "We'll be fine."

It wasn't hard to find Jill and her entourage of staff. They were sitting in the typical meeting room talking and planning tomorrow's training. You knocked and opened the door.

"Ladies. How can we help you?" She asked standing in front of a writing board with tactics written down.

"Uhm, we might have both left our keycards inside the room and are stuck outside now." Tobin said and the whole room laughed.

"Sonnett was not involved? That's a first. Molly, will you handle this?" Jill looked over to the blonde and you saw her nodding her head.

"Sure I will. Let's go." She stood up and gestured to the door, Tobin following her and you going last closing the door behind you.

After Molly had successfully talked to the reception receiving a spare key you were able to retrieve yours and take a shower.

The rest of the day was spent with Tobin until it was time for a dinner out in the city. Your story was the number one topic of the evening and remembered for days.

Those were the days you were grateful for, happy to have Tobin by your side through it all.

[holylulusworld]

Dark Passion – Part 3

 Summary: Reader and Sam were a couple years ago. When she refuses to accept that Sam still clings to his brother, even knowing he’s a demon now Sam ends them. After years he calls her for help. Will she be able to resist the darkness living with her former lover?

Pairing: Demon!Dean x Reader?, former Sam x Reader

Warnings: language, cocky Demon!Dean, angry reader, arguments, smut (dirty fantasies made by Dean)

Dark Passion Masterlist

  “So how do we do this?” You ask Dean.

“We follow your plan. You and Sam only need to kill the boss, I have a deal with Crowley so I can’t kill the boss, but I can take care of the others.” Dean explains.

“What kind of deal?” You ask curiously.

"Can't tell you," Dean says oddly silent.

“Okay, don’t tell me. So who’s the boss?”

“The chick! She’s the boss.”

“Fine, I’ll take care of her and you kill the others. Why do we need Sam?”

“Come on the boss is really dangerous, you’ll need his help.” Dean insists.

“Why do you even care? You can feel nothing.”

"But I remember what I felt before I turned into…this," Dean says and you swear you heard a hint of sadness in his voice.

“What do you mean?”

“I always envied Sam…he had you and I never had the chance to… He just let you go…How could he let you go?”

“Ask him, I’m replaceable.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is, as you told me he fucked Karen just days after I left my home.” You whisper.

Grunting Dean slams his fist into the wall of your motel room.

“Let’s talk about something else.” He suggests.

“Sure. Weather? Food?”

“Sex?” Dean says wiggling his eyebrows.

“What?”

“Nothing, let’s pack your stuff to hit the road. We need to kill those bad guys – remember?”

“Fine.” After packing your stuff you leave the room with Dean. Sam is looking into your direction and anger is boiling up your stomach. He didn’t make you leave as you were afraid to live with a demon – no he wanted to fuck someone else.

“I’ll drive with Y/N and you can take the Impala. Give me my first blade. I’ll go in first and keep the others busy while you and Y/N kill the boss.

Arriving at the house you observe the surroundings. No other houses are close by, it’s well hidden, so no worry about witnesses.

Carefully opening the back door you tighten the grip around your angel blade. Smelling no sulfur you wonder. Six demons should cause the house to smell like a goddamn sulfur factory.

Sam is right behind you. "No sulfur." You whisper.

“The information’s are correct." He insists. Nodding you move further into the house. The ground floor is clear. Silently moving upstairs you can feel Sam's eyes boring holes into your back.

Checking the room into the house you find…absolutely…nothing.

"Well, the house is clear. No sulfur at all. The demons must be gone for a long time or they were never here!"

“This can’t be!” Sam insists.

“Fine, you’re right the demons are right here, we just can’t see them!” You snap at him.

“No one here," Dean states breaking the awful silence.

"Yeah, we already figured that out you genius," you snap at him and he starts chuckling. For the first time, you treated him like before…

“Guess that demon lied,” he curses.

“Wait! I thought you checked the house on your own?” You grunt.

"Well, I lied. I asked a demon…very friendly If you know what I mean." Dean rasps placing his warm hand on your shoulder.

Humming Dean stuffs his first blade into his jacket, before walking out of the room calling someone. Yelling he talks to someone on the other line.

Shaking your head you put the angel blade back into your jacket. This smells like a fucking trap you think to yourself. But who trapped whom?

"So what kind of game are you and Dean playing here? I really don't have the time or the patience to be fooled around." You yell.

“Listen, there are those demons and Dean can’t kill their boss. We really need your help. I thought we finally tracked them down.” Sam tries.

"Sure. You never thought that Dean doesn't want you to find those demons? That he tricked you?"

“He kills demons and other monsters with me since over 4 years now! Even as a demon he’s still a hunter.” Sam grunts.

“Did you hear what you just said? A demon – a hunter? Are you insane? Or just stupid?”

“He’s still my brother…”

“What’s left of him…an empty shell Sam. Everything that was Dean is gone…he even let you drive his Baby. It broke my heart to see her in this condition.” You whisper.

“It’s just a car, Y/N.”

“Not for Dean, the real Dean…he loved this car just like a family member and you know it Sam. But you’re too blind to see the truth.” You whisper.

“What do you intend to do? Kill him?” Sam yells now.

"No, I could never…he's…Dean…but that doesn't mean I have to trust him." Turning to leave you question your own behavior.

If you could – would you kill Dean?

----

Outside you close your eyes for a second to feel the sun on your skin. Those moments are rare, just enjoying the simple things in life. Like the sun kissing your skin or someone kissing your lips…

You can’t remember the last time someone kissed you full of love or at least full of passion.

Opening your eyes you meet emerald ones staring back at you. Did he watch you? Or read your mind.

“Can’t kiss you full of love but passion is another thing.” He whispers and you start to shiver.

“The demons…where they ever here?” You ask.

“No…I killed those demons weeks ago. Except for the boss."

“Oh, but why did you lie if you killed them?”

“Sam wanted to kill the boss too, but as you know I can’t do this due to my deal with Crowley. I told him we’ll need help and suggested you.”

“Why, Dean? I don’t think Sam needs help to kill one demon.”

“No, not one…but six are a different story.”

“So you lied. But what for?”

“Spending my days with Sam is boring. He insists to keep an eye on me the whole time. He locks the bunker so I can’t leave. I don’t sleep so I’m bored the whole night. I thought with you it could be more … fun.”

"Dean I'm no fun…not anymore. Damaged goods – remember? Since Sam…, I'm no fun…"

“But we could have fun…so much fun…” Dean rasps going even lower in his voice and you swear you got wet in an instant. Reading your thoughts he starts chuckling, giving you a knowing smirk.

Before you can say anything Sam disturbs the tension between you and the demon.

“Guess we need to track them down once again,” Sam states.

“I should get going then. I guess you and Sam can handle this?” You ask Dean.

"No, we really need your help. We could help you with your hunt and you stick around till we found the demons again." Dean says. Eying you up and down he waits for your response.

“You’ll be bored. Only some werewolves, no challenge.” You state already turning to leave the brothers you feel a strong hand holding you back. Your first thought is Sam but then you hear his low voice in your mind.

“Please stay a bit longer, I need an anchor or the Mark will let me go rampant again.” Dean pleas in your mind.

A second later he sends you an image that takes your breath away. Him pressing you into his mattress while he makes you scream in pleasure. You can almost feel him…inside of you. You can feel his breath on your skin, his lips on yours while he pushes his cock into you…

Holding back a moan you try to get the image out of your mind.

Fighting the urge to slap Dean’s face you let him play with your mind a bit longer…now he’s showing him between your legs, sliding his tongue through your folds and you swear you can feel his tongue on your most private parts.

Clenching your fists to release some pressure you start breathing heavily. Still resting his hand on your shoulder Dean whispers dirty nothings into your ear.

Now he shows you him taking you from behind while you try to hold tight on the headboard of his bed. You can feel the movement of his cock in your pussy right before you feel an orgasm approach he ends the fantasy.

Letting out a disappointed whine you try to calm yourself down.

“Don’t worry Sweetheart; I’m going to do all those things to you. Just wait for the real experience, it’s so much better.” Dean whispers in your ear.

"I…" Taking a deep breath you try to move toward your car to leave but you can't…you just can't leave the demon behind…

Forever Tags

@donnaintx​, @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22 , @curly-haired-disaster, @sister-winchesters99​, @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @strayrosesbloom , @thewinchesterco , @hobby27, @kittycatlover18,  @hawaiianohana15, @gh0stgurl​ , @marvelfansworld​ , @sandlee44, @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt, @katpatrova17

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags

@mirandaaustin93, @spnfamily-thewinchesters, @love-my-not-natural-babies​, @supernatural-bellawinchester​, @hawaiianohana15, @butifulsoul125, @lyinginthegingerlocks

Dark Passion Tags

@anushay1998

[roseamongroses]

Antithesis (8): “don’t stop me nooooooooooooooooooow”

[Specific-Summary]: With senior year approaching, some stresses are inevitable, and they’re certainly not looking forward to them, but for now it’s summer and it’s okay to breathe a little while longer.

[General Warnings]: Implied Emotional Abuse, Implied Physical Abuse, Bad Parents are Bad Parents, Mild Sexual Content/jokes, Mentioned Homophobia, Mentions of underage drinking (backround), Some Catcalling,Cursing  

[Tags/mood:] highschool au,  fluff and angst but its all good, chat fic, teen stress, its flordia no snow we die like men [Pairing:] Roceit (Roman Sanders/ Deceit Sanders), hinted future/possible logince/roloceit/loceit [Characters] Roman Sanders/Deceit (Dmitri) Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy (Sleep) Sanders, Nate Sanders, Dragon Witch (Diana)

(Ao3) (Previously)

(8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14)

---

 V: why hello everyone, it's been a long time since we’ve talked

V: are you having a lovely evening? I think the weather is superb

Rem:,,,i

Rem: im scared,,,

Pat: uh 

V: why?Im perfectly calm, perfectly calm calm acadkasdlk

Rem: lo can you confirm

L: He is not calm

V: I AM NOT CALM THE FUCK THE FUCKTJKJ

Rem: ah much better 

Pat:whats going on???

L: Apparently the school invited a couple of colleges/ investors to the junior exhibition/auction/funraiser

V: **execution

Rem: oh shit that sounds important 

V: IT IS VERY IMPORTANT, EXTREMELY, THESE FOOLS BLEED MONEY 

Rem: huh i can find

Rem: myself a nice rich 

Pat: please dont finish that sentence 

Rem: I was going to say boyfriend, i was going to say boyfriend ok ;) 

Rem: some of us dont have cute boys falling into our laps 

Ro: jokes on you im the cute boy in his lap 

V: /gross/ 

Patt: roman seems surprisingly calm about this??? 

L: He’s literally sitting in Dmitri’s lap right now, he’s not thinking straight. 

/five people are typing/

L: Absolutely not. Unoriginal. Cease and Desist right now. 

Rem: you’re no fun :(

V: he is fun, he just don pun

P: bullshit ive heard him pun with my own two eyes 

P:wait a second 

V: anyway ro will  be the same  belligerent mess later on boyf or no boyf 

R: kiss my ass

V: he’ll :) do :) it :)  for :) me :) 

---

“Roman, you have to get ready,” Dmitri said, unable to stop himself from leaning into his touch. Roman continued running his hands through Dmitri’s hair, in pajama pants and a half buttoned white blouse. 

“You’re so tense,” Roman hummed, resting his head on Dmitri’s shoulder, twirling a stray strand of their hair. It was getting rather long. 

“And you’re not,” Dmitri yawned, slumping further back onto his forearm, pulling Roman on top his chest, “What's got you so giddy?”  

Roman smiled, leaning down to kiss him quick, “Guess.” 

Dmitri closed his eyes, “Did that job call you back? Or is it the art contest?” Dmitri asked, getting another kiss instead. 

“Uh, did you finish that book you borrowed from Logan?” 

Roman sighed, rolling his eyes, “Yes, I’ll tell you about that later, but,” he said, sitting up to get better leverage,  and pushing back Dmitri’s hair, “I’ll… give you a better hint,”

A knock sounded at Roman’s door, twice, Dmitri stiffening beneath him. 

“Roman, you boys ready?” A soft, but clear voice called, from behind the door. 

“Yeah, almost mom, give us a minute,” Roman said.

She said something again in Spanish, tone teasing and Roman’s eyes shot wide.

“Mom!” he whined, still not bothering to move, “Yes, I’m going with Dee. No, you do not, absolutely do not, need to send Virgil with us, I’m an angel.” 

Dmitri couldn’t contain his snort and Roman shot him a warning look. 

“Okay, love, but I want to celebrate you as well, okay?” 

“Okay,oky--” Roman said, waiting for her footsteps to go away, before redirecting his attention to Dmitri, “She must have gotten off her shift early.” He explained, apologetic. 

“It’s fine, she’s coming to the exhibition tonight, right?” Dmitri asked, finally relaxing. 

“Mhm, she’d never miss it,” Roman said, “Or at least she tries, work always has her on call...” 

“Huh,” Dmitri mumbled, eyes unfocused, “W… What were you going to say earlier?”

Roman’s face softened, “That I…”  he rolled off of Dmitri, his hands fidgeting, “...I’ll-- I’ll tell you later, we do need to get going,” he said, “Oh! And I don’t know where my fancy pants are, so you should totally help me, babe.” 

Dmitri smiled, unsurprised. 

---

SipSipSipin: would it be inappropriate to turn my shirt into a crop top

Hotleg: ye it's inappropriate / if you're a cop/

PattOnPattOff: im pretty sure we have to stay in dress code rem 

Hotleg: if you’re a coward, perhaps

TheVirgin: shut the hell up youre in a sensible button up and slacks

Hotleg:SO ARE YOU

Hotleg: /AND/ that isnt following dresscode, thats respecting my mother.

Hotleg: if she wasn’t coming id be in that cute skirt i got last spring 

TheVirgin: that is definately not in dresscode, but seeing as (1) i have the same skirt and (2) im not a fuckin cop i cannot argue, contiue 

Hotleg: damn straight

/five people are typing/

Hotleg: GODDAMMIT 

---

“Holy shit, look at that car Dmitri,” Roman unclipped his seatbelt, craning his neck out the window, “Dmitri, Dmitri-”

“I’m looking, I’m looking,” He said, smile slow. 

“No, you’re not,” Roman pouted.

“My grandfather has the same car,” Dmitri said with a shrug, “It’s a hobby of his, emphasis on 'hobby'. I’ve never seen that man drive a day in his life.” He tilted his head, ”Kinda like you.” 

“I know how to-” Roman’s face contoured, pained, “I, Mm. Okay, so I can’t, but-but I’m learning AND I’m not homophobic.” He crossed his arms. 

“Oh, believe me,” Dmitri said, mildly amused. “I know that,” He reached across, adjusting Roman’s collar, “Though I might need more evidence to confirm...” He added on, in a lower tone. 

 Roman squeaked, “Oh, well would you look at the time,” he said, opening the car door. 

“What?” Dmitri’s smile was something to behold, “Did I say something inappropriate?” 

“It’s not what you said, it's how you said it,” Roman said, pointedly not looking at him, “If you continue to say things like that I might combus--” Dmitri’s phone buzzed, and Roman looking at Dmitri expectantly. 

Dmitri’s face visibly slackened and he sighed, picking up the phone, “Ma’am?” he said,  brows furrowed, listening, “No, ma’am, I can’t; I’m at the exhibition, remember? I told you yesterday--and this morning--” Another pause, his eyes flickered over to Roman, “It’s really important to me...It’s a required event…” he sighed, jaw ticking, “A lot of Grandfather’s colleges are going to be here, it’d be rude to not appear. Can it wait ‘til tomorrow?” He relaxed,  “Thank you--”  His lips pressed into a thin line before he slumped over the steering wheel. 

After a minute or so, he inhaled, sitting up and muting his phone before looking over at Roman, expression calm. 

“You ready?” Roman asked.

Dmitri got out of the car regardless. 

---

!!!taglist!!!

@daflangstlairde

@ace-anx

@cataclysm-al

[fineline-live]

Never Be • lrh

Title: Never Be

Reader Pairing: Y/N and Luke

Rating: eh it’s fluff just bc i need some Lu fluff rn

WARNINGS: mention of panic attack, description of panic attack

Description: Luke never realized how loud he kept his guitar and microphone amps until he heard a girl humming a song about herself.

For the past 18 years I’ve looked out the same window in my room to see that tan garage, the same four boys growing up while walking in and out of it. It was my neighbor Luke’s house, his three friends having grown up hanging out with him. We were all for the most part the same age, their friend Ashton being the oldest by a year or two. The garage was Luke’s bedroom, his parents fitting it to look nicer but also withhold all the noise of the instruments he would play. Luke and I were considered best friends, having grown up together. When we were younger we’d always play outside together, and as we got older we’d settle for smaller things like a movie night or even just a video game filled sleep over. Now as we both reached the age of 18, the quiff haired boy started to become more reserved, only really ever letting one person come over anymore, and that was Michael, myself getting demoted from bestest friend to even just acquaintance.

I watched as the red haired boy pulled up in his shitty broken down truck, getting out and walked in through the garage door. I eventually just shut my curtains, irritated that I wasn’t the one getting to go over and talk to Luke about his day. It’s been months since we even had a movie night, which is rare considering we’d have one at least twice a week. I turned back to my notebook, doodling the smallest things, writing words in fancy fonts, doing anything that could get my mind off of my evergrowing loneliness. I heard Michael’s truck door slam and couldn’t help but look out the window to see him get back in his truck and drive off. He was only with Luke for a good five minutes, leaving me to wonder why he left so quick. I shrugged and went back to doodling, soon hearing the sound of an amp being loudly plugged in. It was probably just Luke setting up his guitar for something.

It was a couple minutes until I started to hear the strumming of chords. I set my pencil down and opened up my window so I could hear better, something Id always do when Luke would play something. The song he started to play didn’t sound familiar though. Usually he would play some type of cover, but I couldn’t pick out what this was. He started to sing along, his voice soft with the music. I pulled up my desk chair next to the window and just sat there for what felt like hours, Luke playing the same song over and over again, perfecting his rhythm and his tone. He eventually stopped playing, leaving me to open my eyes and collect my surroundings, having had sat for so long. I turned back and grabbed my pencil and notebook from my bed and write down what lyrics I could remember from Luke singing.

“I need your love to light up this house,

I wanna know what you’re all about,

I wanna feel you feel you(?) all night

I need to tell you that it’s alright (?) you look fine (?)

....

We’ll never be as young as we are now

It’s time to leave this old black and white town

Let’s seize the day, Let’s run away, Don’t let the colours fade to grey

We’ll never be as young as we are now

As young as we are now”

It was all I could remember, just pieces of what I thought were the words. The tune was stuck in my head though, the chorus sticking out most to me. I had finished writing down parts of it when I heard the garage door slam, Luke trudging out while looking at his phone. He looked the same as he always had. Tall, lanky, pale, quiffed blonde hair, black skinny jeans, and a pair of vans. He hasn’t changed at all in demeanor, so part of me still questioned why he pushed me away so much. I just shrugged, having already dealt with the hurt in the past, not caring enough to go through it again. I closed my window so I wouldn’t have to hear anything. There was a knock on my door, my mum opening it to reveal the sounds of chattering down the hall towards the kitchen. “Foods done.” Was all she said, shutting the door and walking back down the hall. I sighed, wondering who she invited over now, and tightened my arms around my sweater, the autumn weather causing a breeze throughout the house.

I walked down the hall, voices laughing and talking about several different subjects. While walking around the corner I peeked my head to see who was here before taking a deep breath. My feet had already carried me to far to back up, my hands beginning to shake. Liz was here with Celeste, Jack’s girlfriend, talking to my mum about something. Andy, Jack, and my father all having a conversation about a new surf line that Rip Curl came out with. And then there was Luke who just walked in, standing awkwardly in the corner, nodding along to things his dad said. That’s why he finally came out of his room. Liz was the first to notice my appearance, becoming overly excited and loud. “Y/N, sweetheart! How are you?” She walked over for a welcoming hug, squeezing me tight, Celeste doing the same after. “I’m good!”

I walked over towards Jack, giving him a tight side hug. “Hey, dude,” He laughed, hugging tighter. “Wassup, dude.” We both chuckled, Jack keeping his arm around me as they continued talking. Andy reached his hand out for a fist bump, smiling at me as my dad brought up dinner. “Dinner is done if everyone wants to grab a plate!” Everyone smiled at each other, walking to the kitchen island to get a plate. I turned back to look at Luke, a frown on his face as he watched me walk away. I gave him a half assed smile, him not even bothering to return it. I rolled my eyes and turned around, getting my plate of food and following everyone to the larger table we had for when guests were over. We all sat down, Luke ending up in the last spot which happened to be next to me, even though I talked to Jack the whole time.

When we finished eating, everyone sat around the table still talking. I pulled out my phone, scrolling through it as Luke was doing, and without realizing started to hum a tune in my head. I couldn’t figure it out so I just kept repeating it over and over, trying to remember what song it was. Luke had looked up from his phone at me, analyzing the song and his eyes going wide when he heard it. I noticed my phone was about to die, so I got up and walked towards my room to plug it in. As I was plugging in my phone, I didn’t notice Luke walk in behind me until I heard him close my door. “Jesus, Luke.” I held my hand to my chest to try to steady my breathing. “How do you know that song?” His voice was low, almost terrified. I set my phone down on the windowsill and shrugged. “Calm down, mate. You play it all the time.”

His eyes went wider if possible. “You hear me play it?” I nodded my head, not getting why he was so worked up over this. “D-Do you know the words to it?” I shrugged again. “Some of them. It’s kinda hard to hear you through the garage walls, but I can pick some of the words out.” His hands flew to his face, covering it and sitting on the edge of my bed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. This cannot be happening.” I looked at him confused, wondering what he was so upset over. “What?” He shook his head, rubbing his eyes and taking deep breaths. “You can’t fucking walk in here and make a big deal over a fucking song when you don’t talk to me for five months, Luke. That’s not how this works.” I crossed my arms against my chest as he slipped himself down to the floor from the bed. His shoulders started heaving, and his hands kept rubbing at his eyes and covering his face. From all the years I knew Luke, I knew what the symptoms were.

I crawled down to my knees, making my way over to his shaking body. He made gasps for air as he rubbed his eyes, trying to get out of the headspace he was in. “You’re okay, Luke. You’re okay. I’m right here, I promise.” I knew unless Luke initiated it, touching him would only make it worse, so I kept my hands to myself. I kept talking to him softly. “Lu, breathe, love. You’re okay.” One of his hands left his face, reaching out to grab one of mine, trying to tell me he needed me close. I scooted closer to him, wrapping my arm around him and trailing my hand up and down his back. I rubbed softly as he tried to call himself down, his breathing still erratic. “Let’s count, Lu. Up to five and then we’ll hold our breath for five more seconds. Can you do that?” I started counting, having to restart every few seconds due to Luke not being able to gain any composure. I knew I’d have to be patient with him, so I just kept starting over, giving him any opportunity to join. His breathing started to slow, choked words finding their way out. “O-One, two, three, f-four, five.” He held his breath, counting to five again. We repeated the process together a few more times until Luke could fully regain his breathing, his face not as red as he was. I pulled him into me, continuing to rub his back, his shoulders shaking every once in awhile from a staggered breath.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on?” I asked softly. He took another deep breath, nuzzling his face further into my neck. “The songs called Never Be.” I nodded my head, waiting to hear what else he has to say. “I-It’s about, about loving someone and being stuck in a small sh-shitty ass town like th-this.” I rubbed his back softer, leaning my head against his. “Did you write it for someone?” His breath choked in his throat, his body starting to shake. “I cant tell you that.” “That’s okay! It’s okay, Lu. You don’t have to tell me anything else if you don’t want to.” I whispered. He took a shaky breath, exhaling against my neck. “You’ll think I’m crazy if I tell you who it’s about. Especially after how I’ve treated them lately.” My mind started to race, thinking of anyone it could be about. He hasn’t had any girls over in the last couple of months, so I was left confused. “Try me,” I offered.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. I craned my neck and looked down at him. “For what?” He shook his head with a sad smile. “For just going MIA on you. Just fucking leaving you to fend for yourself. For not being there for you. For being a shitty best friend. Fuck, I’m probably not even your friend anymore after how I treated you.” I sat against my bed on the floor, with Luke leaning against me. My hand rubbing his back, and the other one reaching down and fidgeting with his fingers. “Was it about me?” His breathing got warmer against my neck, his body trying to pull away. “M’ sorry. I shouldn’t have written it.” I pulled him back to look at me, our fingers still awkwardly intertwined. “You said it’s about loving someone? And being stuck in a shitty town?” He nodded his head, staring down at our fingers.

“I got scared,” he whispered. “I knew that if I told you how I was feeling that you’d probably just laugh and tell me to fuck off and stop joking. I tried to push the feelings away, and I figured if I pushed you away, they would go with, and they didn’t, and I fucking cried myself to sleep for the last five months because you’re over here living your live and I’m so in love with you that I start to panic and can’t think straight. And I just got so scared. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in love.”

Tears sat in my eyes, tears of confusion, and being overwhelmed, and being in love. I grabbed Luke’s hand tighter, interlocking our fingers for good. He started to ramble again repeating all of his earlier words. “Shut the fuck up, Lu,” I laughed softly. He looked at me confused, wondering what he said wrong. I smiled at him. “The more you talk, the less of a chance I have to kiss you.” His eyes went wide, a blush creeping onto his face as I softly pulled his face in towards mine. His lips were soft and warm, and they felt like something that I didn’t wanna let go of. “So what does this mean?” Luke asked pulling away gently. Our foreheads sat together, our noses bumping, our breaths mixing. I couldn’t help but lean in for another small kiss. When I pulled away I smiled, a small giggle escaping my lips.

“It means pack your shit and get your keys because we’re leaving this shitty ass town.”

[mommabearclarke]

Everything has changed (and now it's only you that matters)

A SpierFeld fic Rated: A for Angst and F for Fluff Summary:  Receiving a call from the hospital about a car crash victim is the scariest thing Simon has ever experienced. Finding out who it is is even worse. Also on: ao3 A/n: So I tried my hand at the angst stuff, which is not usually my strong suit because I turn it into fluff pretty quickly. I hope I at least managed to do some angst, and I hope you like it.

(Yes, the title is from Wild Hearts again. Yes, I listened to the entire album this time. Yes, I'm still a mess.)

Simon was hanging out in Nick’s basement with Nick, Leah and Abby when he got the call. It’d been an excellent day up till then. School had been let out early because of the snow, and they had been playing Assassin’s Creed and bombarding each other with popcorn for the better part of the last few hours. Waking up in Bram’s bed did help start the day right.

He was just relieving the blissful fifteen minutes they had spend trying to get out of bed, each of them pulling the other back as they tried to get up, when his phone rang. Abby was closest to it, so she picked it up, looked at the caller ID, shrugged and tossed it to Simon, who caught it deftly before picking up. “Simon Spier,” he said, by way of greeting.

“Mr Spier?” an unknown voice at the other end of the line said, “This is Emory University Hospital – ” Simon’s blood ran cold. His mind immediately flashed to his parents, Nora or Alice. His parents and Nora had been visiting downtown Atlanta when the snowstorm hit; they had been planning on just staying there until it calmed down, but what if they’d decided to try it? Oh god, oh god, oh God.

“Simon?” Leah said, her voice filled with concern. Simon supposed he’d gone extremely pale. He waved in general to shut everyone up. Nick paused the game. Abby was staring at him intently.

“What’s going on?” Simon asked the lady.

“We’ve just had a car crash victim brought in, and you’re marked down as his emergency contact.” Simon’s heart clenched, as the woman continued. “A Mr Abraham Greenfeld.” Simon let out an audible gasp. Bram. Simon had been sure Bram was fine, as he’d been heading over to his father’s this morning. He should’ve arrived before the storm.

“Oh my God,” he managed to choke out. “Is he – ?” He couldn’t bear to say it. His eyes were stinging, and he was losing feeling in his legs. His friends were sitting down around him, Leah putting her hand on his shoulder. Abby was holding her hands over her mouth, apparently holding her breath.

“He’s alive, he’s pretty banged up, but the doctors are confident he’s going to pull through.”

Tears spilled over his cheeks as Simon’s relief broke over him. He sagged against Leah, who wrapped an arm around him. “Oh, thank God, thank God,” he finally said. “When can I come see him?”

The woman seemed to look something up for a moment. “The doctor says he’ll be finished with Mr Greenfeld in 20 minutes. You can come see him then.”

Simon looked at his watch. It was about a 15 minute drive up there, but in this weather... “Alright, I’m coming now. Thank you,” he said, automatically, because that’s what you did when someone gave you information over the phone.

His friends immediately talked over each other to get some answers. In the end, Leah was the one to make herself heard. “What’s happened?!” she all but yelled, causing Nick and Abby to fall silent.

Simon was shaking, already getting to his feet and looking thoughtlessly for his things. “Bram was in an accident.” The three of them gasped. “I need to go see him, now.”

“Simon, you can’t,” Abby protested instantly, walking over to him, pulling his bag out of his hands again.

Simon flared up at once. “My boyfriend’s in the hospital, Abby! I’m going to go fucking see him, right fucking now!”

“Don’t you start on her – ” Nick began, but Abby waved him off, apparently unfazed at Simon’s outburst.

“You’re fucking shaking, Si. There’s no way you can drive in this state.” She took his hand and gently guided him back to the couch. Simon only struggled a little, but both Nick and Leah were showing signs of wanting to stop him going. “You need to calm down first.” She sat down next to him and wrapped his arms around him. Leah joined in, and then Nick wrapped the three of them in a giant bear hug. Simon had never felt so sheltered and at the same time so trapped in his entire life. The warmth of his friends’ embrace and the knowledge that they were there for him, finally broke him. Huge, ugly sobs wracked his body as tears spilled down his cheeks, and his brain went through all the horrible things that could be wrong with Bram. Or could still go wrong. The lady had said he was stable, but Simon had seen enough medical shows to know that stable did not mean “out of danger completely and sure to recover”.

Abby and Leah were both rubbing his back. They didn’t say it was going to be okay. They didn’t say anything. And honestly, Simon didn’t know if he could’ve handled them trying to calm him down. His boyfriend was in the hospital. Simon had honestly never been more scared in his life. After ten minutes of ugly-crying his eyes out, he felt exhausted and dried up. He was still scared, but no more tears would come. Abby, Leah and Nick slowly unwound themselves from him, and Nick rose to his feet. “Alright, Si. I’m going to ask my father to drive us up there. No way you’re driving us anywhere whilst you’re this worried.”

“’Us’?” Simon said, confused, as Nick ran up the stairs.

Leah let out a small laugh. “Of course, Si. We’re coming with you.”

At a loss for words, he stared at her and then at Abby, who nodded with vigour. “I have the best friends in the world,” he choked out in the end, and hugged the pair of them again.

Nick came thundering down the stairs again with his father in tow. Mr Eisner asked a few short questions about the situation, put a hand on Simon’s shoulder and smiled encouragingly. “It’s going to be alright, son. I’ll take you there.”

And after gathering up their things, the four of them followed Mr Eisner up the stairs and out into the snow, which had finally stopped falling.

The ride to the hospital was excruciating. They had to drive about twenty miles below the speed limit for half of it, since the suburb roads hadn’t been shovelled yet. Simon was going out of his mind with worried. He’d already called his parents, to whom he’d sobbed the story, and who promised to get to the hospital as soon as they could get out of their hotel. Then he’d called Alice – for the first time in a very long time, he felt like he needed his big sister.

“Oh Si, I’m sorry,” Alice sighed out, after Simon had explained the situation (without completely breaking down this time). “But the nurse said he’s stable, right?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean anything!” Simon said in desperation. “There could be complications, or internal bleeding, or something they missed, or – ”

Alice cut across him, “Before you spiral out of control, bub, please remember that this is the best hospital in Atlanta – I went there to get my tonsils removed, remember? I hardly felt a thing afterwards and they gave me so much ice cream I got nauseated!” Simon had to laugh despite himself. He remembered it well. Alice had been feeling so well after the surgery that she’d eaten a little more ice cream than was strictly necessary, and had gotten promptly queasy. She hadn’t eaten ice cream for a few months after that. “Look, Simon, I’m not gonna pretend nothing can go wrong. But the doctors are optimistic, and that means you should be, too, until told otherwise. Alright?”

Simon smiled, and amazingly, optimism welled up inside him through all the worry and misery. “Thanks, sis,” he said. They turned on the hospital parking lot at that moment. His stomach lurched. “We’re here. Gotta go.”

“Give me updates, okay? I love that little weirdo.” He could hear a fond smile in her voice.

“Me, too,” Simon said. “Love you, Alice,”

“Love you, too, bub.”

He hung up, and scrambled out of the car, almost face-planting in the full feet of snow outside. Nick yanked him back by the hood of his sweater just in time. “Alright, let’s go,” Mr Eisner said, and they all made their way to the hospital as quickly as possible.

Inside, Simon ran to the information desk. “Hi, my name is Simon Spier, I’m here to see Bram Greenfeld,” he said quickly to the nurse, who checked her computer.

“Yes, Mr Greenfeld is in room 224. Straight up there, take the elevator to the second floor and straight on till you meet the end. He’s been asking for you.” That meant he was awake. Simon exchanged relieved glances with his friends, and thanked the nurse.

Simon, followed closely by Leah, Nick and Abby, practically ran to the elevator, and punched the ‘2’ button all the way up to the second floor. Walking faster than strictly appropriate in a hospital, they went down the corridor until they hit the final room. 224. Simon stood in front of it, his stomach churning. He wanted to go in so badly, but he was afraid of what he might see. Of what state Bram might be in. Nick put his hand on his shoulder. “We’re with you, buddy.”

Simon nodded, took a deep breath, and pushed open the door.

Bram was lying on the hospital bed, covered by a blue sheet and tubes running from both his arms. His heart beating in his throat, Simon approached the bed carefully, afraid to come closer, but dying to all the same. He stopped right at the edge of the bed, staring down at Bram’s face. Bram’s eyes were closed and he was breathing deeply and easily. He was obviously asleep. He also looked terrible. His face was littered with cuts, both large and small. His hands were resting on the covers next to his body, both wrists were heavily bandaged. Simon could scarcely think about the rest of his body.

Very slowly, Simon reached out and gently took Bram’s hand in his own. The hand was warm, which gave him slightly more hope in the whole situation. He looked back to see his friends lingering by the door, obviously giving Simon the space he needed.

The touch seemed to rouse Bram. His fingers tightened around Simon’s hand first, and then the rest of his body started to move. “Simon?” Bram said, his voice impossibly small, and Simon’s heart broke all over again.

“Bram,” he breathed, and dropped to his knees besides the bed, taking Bram’s hand in both his own and pressing his lips to the back of it, “I’m here, baby. I’m here, it’s me.”

“Simon,” Bram’s eyes blinked open, and he turned his head to look at Simon, smiling, then winced, “what happened?”

“You were in a car crash. They called me about an hour ago. Baby, I was so worried,” Simon said, kissing the back of his hand again, clenching his eyes shut against the tears threatening to spill over again.

Bram squeezed his hand once more, exhaling slowly. “Oh, Si, I’m so sorry, I never meant to cause you any worries.” Slowly, he lifted their entwined hands and pressed a kiss to Simon’s hand as well. Feeling Bram’s soft lips to his skin was like a shot of pure happiness for Simon. His shoulders relaxed (he hadn’t even realized he’d been so tense), the knot in his stomach unravelled, and his heart stopped racing.

He stood up quickly, and sat down on the edge of the bed, lifting his hand to brush Bram’s hair from his forehead. God, he loved this boy so much. He smiled, and Bram’s face split in an equally bright smile. Simon leaned down, his lips meeting Bram’s in a careful but nonetheless passionate kiss. His fingers kept stroking Bram’s hair. “How you feeling?” he asked softly. He didn’t straighten up, but just pulled back far enough so they could look at each other.

Bram laughed, and immediately winced. Bram’s eyes widened, startled, already looking for the alarm button. Bram’s hand shot out to grab Simon’s, bringing it back to rest on the covers. “Like I’ve been run over by a truck.” Bram’s heart clenched for him, he wished could take the pain away. Bram Greenfeld was the purest human being on earth, and did not deserve this pain. He himself would happily take the pain if it meant Bram would be okay again.

“I brought people,” Simon said, with half a smile, and straightened up to look at Leah, Nick and Abby, who were still standing by the door, looking uncertain whether or not they could intrude on what was obviously a very intimate moment.

Bram’s face split in a huge grin. “Hey, guys!”

The three of them took that as a sign they were welcome to enter the room further. “Hey, Bram, how are you?” Leah said, as she came to stand besides Simon, who was still sitting on the edge of the bed holding Bram’s hand. He was determined not to leave this spot until Bram was discharged.

“Do you remember what happened at all?” Abby asked, as she and Nick went to stand on the other side of the bed. Bram and Nick even did the lame cool-guy handshake. Simon’s heart lightened even further. Bram seemed more fine than his exterior suggested.

Bram’s smile faded a little, and he looked at the ceiling, a look of concentration on his face. “It’s all a little hazy, to be honest. I was driving back from my dad’s, because he told me to get back before the storm. I remember realizing I should’ve just continued on, and stayed with him until the storm passed, but I selfishly wanted to be back here so I could spend our free days with Simon.” Bram blushed deeply as he looked at Simon with a small smile. Simon pressed another kiss to Bram’s hand. “Then – it was snowing so much I could hardly see. I thought I was almost near the Waffle House, so I thought maybe I could stay there till this all died down a bit. Maybe call Simon. And then...I don’t know what happened. I think I slipped on some frozen snow, shot into the wrong lane and got hit by another car. Oh God,” His eyes widened, “What happened to them?” he asked, his voice suddenly pained, his face full of distress.

Simon put a hand on Bram’s shoulder to stop him from trying to get up. “I don’t know. We can ask a nurse when they come to check on you.” Bram lay back in his pillows, looking supremely unhappy. His free hand grabbed the hand on his shoulder, and he held on tight. His eyes were suddenly full of tears.

“I never should’ve gone back. I was stupid and selfish, but I just wanted to spend time with you and...I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice breaking on the last words.

Simon shook his head, squeezing Bram’s hands softly. “Shhh, shhh, it’s okay,” he said softly. His own eyes burned with fresh tears. He blinked them away furiously. “It’s okay, baby, we’ll fix it.” Bram was full-on crying now, his eyes clenched shut and sobs shaking his whole body. Leah and Abby each had a hand on an arm, rubbing soothingly. “Please, Bram,” Simon whispered, leaning forward and pressing his forehead to Bram’s, “Please, don’t cry. What can I do? Please, tell me what can I do? Let me help you. Please.”

Bram pulled one hand free to put on the back of Simon’s head, and the two of them breathed each other in for a while. Bram seemed to calm down a little, his body still shaking, but his sobs coming less frequent. “I love you,” Bram whispered, opening his eyes to look at Simon, “I can’t bear the thought I might’ve never seen you again.”

Simon’s stomach clenched painfully. “I’m here, you’re here,” he whispered, pressing a firm kiss to Bram’s forehead, “We’ll be fine.”

“You guys are disgustingly cute,” Abby said, which broke the emotionally charged atmosphere and caused everyone to laugh, even Bram, though he paid for his beautiful laugh with a stab of pain, causing him to wince. “Oh my God, I’m sorry, Bram!”

“That’s fine, it was worth it.” He took Abby’s hand in his and squeezed it tightly. The other hand was still firmly in Simon’s hand; it seemed unlikely they would ever let go.

The door behind them opened, and a nurse entered the room, directly followed by Mr Eisner, Bram’s mom, and finally Simon’s parents and Nora.

“Bram!” exclaimed his mother, and she ran to his side.

Reluctantly, Bram and Simon let each other go in favour of his mom getting to fuss over him for a while, so Simon turned his attention instead to his family, who had rushed over her at a moment’s notice. He loved them so much. Nora was the first to reach him, flinging her arms around his neck. “Is he okay?” she asked softly. Simon nodded against her shoulder, so grateful to have her with him in one piece. Before the emotion of Bram’s accident had overwhelmed him, he had been so worried about her, and the rest of his family. “Are you?” Nora continued shrewdly, and Simon laughed, more tears threatening to fall.

“Yeah, sis, I’ll be fine. Just...really rattled.”

“We all are,” his mom said, replacing Nora and holding Simon very tightly for a moment.  “What happened?”

Simon told the story Bram had shared quickly. His parents kept shooting glances at Bram, who was still in discussion with his mother, who seemed to be upset that she hadn’t been called first.

Come to think of it, it was pretty weird that the hospital hadn’t called her. That he had been Bram’s emergency contact. What had Bram been thinking?

They seemed to resolve their issues fast, however, and his mom made some room for the Spiers to check on Bram. “Hey, Bram!” Nora said, jumping on the edge of the bed to give Bram a hug. Nora and Bram had hit it off instantly, and whenever Bram hung out with the family, he and Nora were an unstoppable force of teasing and Charades. It warmed Simon’s entire being just seeing how well Bram got along with his family.

“Hey, pipsqueek!” Bram said, ruffling her hair, causing her to grumble. “Thank you for coming, Mr and Mrs Spier,” he continued to Simon’s parents, who smiled as they gave him quick hugs.

“Of course, Bram! How are you feeling?”

“Better every minute,” Bram said. His eyes locked with Simon, and Simon’s stomach did a summersault. With his family now at the scene, and Bram looking relatively better, he could feel the tension breaking. Bram didn’t look like he was about to die at any second, and was already shooting Simon glances that would need some explaining when they were alone.

The hubbub died down, and the nurse stepped forward to check up on Bram. “What happened to the other people? Are they okay?” Bram asked him, voice anxious. Simon immediately flitted to his side, taking his hand. He squeezed it for good measure, sending a clear message; he was here for Bram. Whatever happened next.

“They were lucky,” the nurse said kindly. “They hit you full frontal, and they had airbags. They are a little rattled and will have some bruises here and there, but other than that, they’re fine.”

Bram relaxed visibly. He let out a shaky breath, and looked up at Simon with bright eyes. Simon pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Told you,” he said softly. Bram squeezed his hand in reply.

“They’re mostly worried about you. They saw you slip, and know you did everything you could to get out of their lane.” The nurse shone a light in Bram’s eyes, and seemed pleased with the results. Bram smiled in relief, a lone tear leaking from his eye, which looked pretty dramatic. Simon loved him so much.

“So what is, like, physically wrong with Bram?” asked his mother, beating Simon to the punch.

“Sprained wrists, bruised ribs, and broken leg. A clean break, nothing too difficult to hea.. Some cuts and bruises here and there. You got pretty damn lucky, kid.” The nurse put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed good-naturedly.

“Thank you,” Bram said earnestly.

“Mrs Greenfeld, we need to go over some details, do you feel up to stepping outside for a moment?”

Bram’s mom nodded, forgetting to correct the nurse on her name, pressed a kiss to her son’s temple, and turned to Simon. “Thank you, Simon. For being there for my boy. I know it can’t have been easy, being the first to see him like this. I’m just so grateful for you.” Then she did something she had never done before; she wrapped him in a hug. Surprised, Simon put his arms around her as well. He had never gotten the impression Bram’s mom was that fond of him; they certainly had never gone much further than the cursory ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’. When she left the room, Simon looked back at Bram, who was staring after his mom with raised eyebrows.

“Wow,” Simon said.

“Yeah.” Bram laughed. “That’s a damn breakthrough.”

Simon laughed as well, and retook his place at Bram’s side, while Leah, Nick, Abby, Mr Eisner, Simon’s parents and Nora flocked closer around Bram’s bed. They spent a few minutes talking and laughing with each other, and while Bram was engaged in every part of it, Simon could see him becoming tired of so much activity.

Luckily, the nurse and his mother returned soon after, and the nurse announced that visiting hours were over, and everyone needed to go. Bram looked distraught. “Wait,” he said, grabbing Simon’s hand tightly, “can Simon stay?” The nurse looked doubtful for a moment, and Bram continued. “I really don’t feel like being alone right now. Please.”

The nurse glanced at Bram’s mother. “Really, it’s usually only family who gets that privilege...”

But Bram’s mother smiled. “That’s quite alright.” She moved to the bed and kissed her son on the top of his head. “I’ll go home, and come back tomorrow with some of your stuff, Bram. What do you think of that?”

“Thanks, mom,” Bram smiled. He looked back over to the nurse. “Can Simon stay in her place?”

“And besides,” Bram’s mom continued, with a smile, “I’m too old to spend the night in that chair.” She nodded over to the single chair in the room. “I think Simon is still young enough to be able to pull that off.”

Everyone laughed, even the nurse, and in the end, he agreed, after getting a written permission from Bram’s mother (ugh, beaurocracy).  After that, everyone said goodbye to Bram and Simon. Simon’s parents promised to pick him up some clean clothes and other stuff he would need tomorrow, and with a final hug and wave goodbye to Bram, they shut the door behind them, leaving Simon and Bram alone.

Simon looked down at Bram. He lifted a hand to rake his fingers gently through Bram’s hair. Bram closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation for a long minute. “God, I’m tired,” Bram said, at last, and Simon nodded.

“Go to sleep, baby,” he said softly, “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Bram’s eyes opened, his brown eyes locking with Simon’s. “I love you, you know.” He carefully rose a few inches off the bed and scooted over a bit, making room for Simon to properly sit and lie down as well.

“I know,” Simon said. He was pretty sure it wouldn’t be allowed, but nonetheless, he kicked off his shoes before swinging his legs onto the bed. The bed was softer than he’d expected it to be, and he scooted his body down until he was lying right next to Bram. Bram lifted his head and Simon snaked his arm underneath, creating a sort of pillow for Bram to put his head on. They stared at each other, one of their hands entwined, their fingers playing together between them. “I love you, too,” Simon whispered, as he kissed Bram’s forehead again. He felt Bram’s eyes fall shut, and soon enough, his breathing evened out. “Sleep,” Simon said softly, rubbing Bram’s hand with his thumb.

Simon stared at his boyfriend for a good long while after that, taking in every feature of his beautiful face. A few bruises were forming here and there, but other than those and the cuts, his face seemed pretty much unharmed. He wanted to kiss all of those cuts and bruises, wanted to kiss the pain away, and his heart clenched just thinking about the coming days, where Bram would have to stay in the hospital, driving him stir-crazy and possibly a little bitchy. Simon already felt for him, and it hadn’t even started yet.

Simon resolved to be there for Bram every step of the way. Anything and everything Bram wanted, Simon would make sure to (try and) get it. It was the least he could do to make up for the absolute honour of being his emergency contact person. Simon realized full well that if Bram hadn’t done that, Simon probably wouldn’t have found out about the accident until late next day. That probably would’ve killed him.

God, but Simon loved him. Possibly more than words could express. And he was going to make sure Bram knew that, for the rest of their relationship.

Simon felt the exhaustion of the rollercoaster day begin to set in, and slowly, his eyes closed. He drifted away into a dreamless sleep.

[theshapeshifter100]

Guess What? I’m Not a Robot Ch33

Summary: A more chilled chapter. Ivy comes back and Warren’s speech.

Chapter Warnings: some strong language

Word Count: 2,012

6PM Wednesday 10th November 2038

Megan stirred in time for the six o’clock news. At first she was confused. She was pretty sure she’d fallen asleep against Paul, why was she in bed essentially, with a hot water bottle no less?

The answer lay in the aforementioned android. Of course he had done this, no one else would!

Megan groaned as it occurred to her that he would have to have carried her downstairs, and she wondered how he did it. Bridal style? Fireman’s lift? Against his shoulder like a child? All of them were equally embarrassing.

She quickly escaped the blanket, although after a moment’s thought she retrieved the hot water bottle and hugged it. It was cold now.

She padded over to the other side of the basement, where the tv, and everyone else, was.

“Any news?” she asked, concerned when she still didn’t see short hair the colours of the pansexual flag.

“Ivy’s on her way,” Paul assured, looking like he knew exactly how embarrassed Megan was. “She managed to evade the police and is making her way back by foot.”

“They were still doing ID checks at public transport,” Megan remembered. “I only got away with it because my hair colour is natural, I imagine.”

“I thought that too,” admitted Maggie, who had her arms wrapped around herself like a hug. “I’m still worried.”

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Lucas assured before turning his attention back to the news. “The President’s going to make a statement in a few hours.”

“Who gives a shit about what Warren has to say?” Nathan scoffed. “When will you lot start picking better Presidents? First Trump then this one!”

“Most of us weren’t old enough to vote when she came into office,” Oscar shot back at the Brit. “Either way, we’re stuck with her.”

“History, if not learned from, will repeat,” Nathan smirked, and Paul suddenly stepped between them, as Oscar looked like he was going to try and flatten the musician.

“That’s enough you two. There are bigger problems than the current President of the United States. How about we pay attention to the news now, and worry about Warren later?”

Nathan and Oscar glared at each other, but did not escalate.

“Nicely said Paul,” noted Allison, and he nodded at her.

They turned their attention back to the television in time for a report on the protest earlier.

“Earlier today, in complete defiance of suspension of the right to assembly, a small pro android protest formed outside the main CyberLife store in Detroit. It began with three ringleaders and miraculously, began to draw more support.

“Detroit police were called and only one of the ringleaders was arrested. University of Detroit student Alex Briar, aged 20, is currently in police custody. The two other ringleaders fled the scene, and have been identified from CCTV as Ivy Stanford and Megan Carroll, both fellow students at the University of Detroit. If anyone has any information of their whereabouts please contact the police.”

Megan stared as her college mugshot appeared on screen next to Ivy’s. She looked over at Paul, thinking about what she was going to say.

“I guess you’re not the only one Wanted now.”

Paul’s lips twitched into a smile as the report turned into something else unimportant. “I suppose not. I thought you’d be more worried about this?”

“I am,” Megan assured, “but also, kind of excited? I’ve never broken the law before.”

Paul rolled his eyes. “Please don’t turn into an adrenaline junkie. I don’t think I could take the stress.”

Megan laughed at that and nudged with her elbow. “How could I? With you keeping my feet on the ground.”

Maggie, Julia and Allison all shared the same conspiring look before drifting away from the tv. The report had moved to the weather, so unless Markus’s surviving deviants or the other factions of Android Allies did something drastic, nothing was happening until the President’s speech. Which they would all rip to pieces.

There was a hurried knock on the door, and everyone looked up as Julia went to go answer it. Maggie followed her up, and everyone heard her cry of ‘oh thank God!’

“It appears Ivy is back,” Paul summarised.

“No shit Sherlock,” Lucas smirked, getting up from his seat. “Wonder what took her so long?”

“Normally it would take roughly several hours to reach this house from the centre of the city by foot,” Paul rattled off. “Given that the military are still combing the city, the poor weather and that the police are looking for her, this would have increased her travel time significantly.”

“...Noted,” Lucas responded, a little surprised by the sudden spout of information.

Everyone looked over at the stairs, but were surprised when just Julia came down.

“Ivy and Maggie are otherwise, occupied,” she answered the unasked question.

Lucas chuckled to himself. “I suppose they would want a good kiss after all that.”

Paul looked sharply at him. “I was not aware they were in a romantic relationship.”

“They don’t like to flaunt it,” Lucas shrugged. “But yeah, they’ve been dating for a while now.”

Paul had nothing to say to that, and neither did anyone else. When the two eventually made it back downstairs, faces flushed and clothes messed up, there was some teasing and wolf whistling. Megan just rolled her eyes at the display and turned her attention back to the tv, hot water bottle still clutched against her stomach.

“So, I hear I’m a wanted criminal?” Megan looked over to see Ivy raising an eyebrow. “After tonight, I’m not surprised!”

“How much property damage did you cause?” asked Lucas, half joking.

“A little bit,” Ivy admitted, “I may have dented some trash cans, scared some old ladies, and nearly bring down a fire escape. It was old!” she protested, and everyone laughed, glad to have one more member back.

“I guess Alex is still with the police?” Ivy asked, and the mood disappeared.

“Yeah,” Julia answered. “Maybe, maybe I should talk to my uncle?”

“I don’t think that will help,” Paul interjected. “Alex has in fact broken the law, and the police will be stretched thin right now. Alex is safe where they are.”

Julia nodded, running a hand through her dark hair. “I hope you’re right.”

 9.24PM Wednesday 10th November 2038

They all gathered in front of the tv for the President’s speech several hours later. Julia had supplied some popcorn that had been hiding in a cupboard somewhere, and Allison, Maggie, Ivy, Nathan and Lucas were happily eating it.

They were greeted to President Warren walking towards the podium in the White House, all smiles and waves as cameras flashed. She got settled, and began to speak in an oddly halting manner, although it made it difficult to mishear anything.

“At 6Am this morning a national curfew was declared. Civilian movement will be strictly controlled, the right to assembly is suspended, all electronic communications are restricted, and I have granted enhanced powers to our security agencies. In addition to these measures, all androids must be handed over to the authorities immediately. Temporary camps are being set up in all our major cities to contain and destroy them. I am now asking all civilians to co-operate with the authorities, and rest assured that everything in our power is being done to guarantee the security of our nation.”

“So basically, nothing Detroit didn’t already know,” Allison quipped, throwing a kernel of popcorn in her mouth.

“I don’t know,” Lucas disagreed, following suit. “I don’t think we knew the curfew was country wide.”

“I feel sorry for those who want to check on family,” Julia suddenly interjected as various reporters vied for the President’s attention. “If communication is down countrywide then no one can check if anyone’s okay.”

A simultaneous sensation of guilt gripped those still in college. Their parents had to be freaking out.

The President picked a reporter to respond to, and they asked.

“Has the leader of the deviants been apprehended?”

“The deviant that is known as Markus has not been located yet, but we will soon track it down and neutralise it.”

Paul let out the heaviest sigh of relief out of everyone, despite not needing to breath. Markus wasn’t dead.

The next reporter was called upon.

“Is it true that the androids could hack our IT systems, like nuclear power plants and military bases?”

“All androids working on sensitive sites have been neutralised and all IT systems have been suspended to avoid any risks of hacking. The situation is under control.”

“Can you hack things Paul?” Megan asked, genuinely curious, and Paul shrugged.

“I’ve never tried,” he admitted.

Yet another reporter.

“Many believe that androids are a new form of intelligent life. Do you have any comment?”

“That’s ridiculous. Next question please.”

“Fuck off!” Allison and Ivy both threw their popcorn at the screen. Surprisingly it was Nathan who exploded next.

“That’s clearly not ridiculous you ignorant, incompetent, senile old bat!” he bellowed, making everyone jump. “If they weren’t sentient, they wouldn’t be fucking revolting now would they?!”

“Nathan, we get it,” Julia tried to calm him down. “And she can’t hear you.”

“I know, I know,” Nathan mumbled before sitting back down, just in time for the next journalist’s question.

“What’s going to happen to CyberLife? Will androids be banned definitively?”

“We’re working very closely with Cyberlife to neutralise all deviants. I won’t make any comments about anything else until we have dealt with the android question.”

Megan glanced at Paul, and gripped his hand, giving it what she hoped was a comforting squeeze. He noticed the pressure and looked down at his hand before smiling warmly at Megan, the gesture appreciated.

“Madam President, public opinion seems to have become increasingly favourable to the deviants, particularly since they’ve adopted a peaceful approach. How do you feel about this?”

“Damn straight,” Oscar uttered the first thing he’d said to the group all evening, almost rumbling over the President’s response.

“Public opinion is one thing, the security of the state is another. These deviants are dangerous and my highest priority is to protect the American people. Thank you. That will be all.”

“Oh fuck off!” Lucas rolled his eyes as the President walked away, desperate reporters still shouting their questions. “They’re as dangerous as any other human, and frankly, humans have probably harmed more androids.”

Paul looked across the group, most of them simmering with pent up fury at the President and how she was handling this. He felt an odd sensation in his chest cavity which he struggled to describe.

Megan noticed his face twist in confusion and gave him a nudge. “How are you feeling?”

“I... I don’t know.”

“Describe it.”

“Warm,” he said instantly. “Almost like, happy, but, it’s not quite that.”

“Anything else?” Megan carefully stole some of Maggie’s popcorn without her noticing.

“I think, I think I’m grateful, and, not quite believing what just happened, but in a good way?”

“Ride the shitstorm,” Megan reminded. “Is that everything?”

“I, I think so. Yes. I can’t quite believe that everyone’s on my side, even if that is illogical, and I’m grateful that they all are,” Paul looked at the group again, no one seemed to hear what he had said, as they were all discussing the conference. There was still some tension in the air, as Alex was obviously absent, but everyone was pulling together in spite of that.

“Easy Spock, don’t blow a circuit,” Megan smirked at him, and he gave her a gentle shove to show that didn’t appreciate the comparison. Megan merely laughed and shoved him back.

Paul was pretty certain that were people were watching now, and money had exchanged hands. Although what they betting on he wasn’t sure.

Megan suddenly yawned and stood up, still yawning.

“I’m going to sleep,” she announced, and Paul nodded, a mischievous grin forming.

“I don’t suppose you would like a bed time story?”

Megan flipped him the bird as she walked to the mattress she’d been sleeping on earlier, and Paul laughed.

A fairly chilled chapter this time, nothing overly exciting. Since this is based off Jacksepticeye's playthrough, the questions Warren was asked were selected on his playthrough.

Before things get out of hand; Nathan is British, and I don't know of any British person who has anything good to say about him, and since Warren is a combination of Hilary and Trump (look up the bio) I would imagine that some British people would still be pissed about her.

Finally, Ivy and Maggie, the second same sex couple in the story. I'm flip flopping on whether Maggie is bi or lesbian. It won't make much of a difference in this scenario, but if I want to do one shots with her I will need to decide. And, Ivy was obviously pan, come on!

Other Options Flowchart

(Paul) Step between them. Favour Oscar. Favour Nathan.

(Megan) Be serious. Worry.

(Megan) Place hand on shoulder. Smile at him.

Tags! @nightmarejim @septicart-appreciation

[infinitum-imaginaerum]

Embers // Jung Jaehyun ; Two

Embers One | Embers Two

He didn’t sleep well that night. Something was very, very off—he couldn’t place it but you were disrupting his sleep like some crazed nightmare out of a horror movie. Jaehyun inhaled deeply as he awoke for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. He was heavily torn between looking at the clock to see what time it was, and ignoring it to try and go back to sleep.

Curiosity won out—his eyes cracked open to peer at the clock. It was 1:37 in the morning. He’d barely gone to bed two and a half hours ago and he’d already been woken by his dreams six times. He sighed heavily and threw the covers off himself, the moon blaring through the wide-open ceiling to floor window of the loft as he’d forgotten to close the drapes and had no motivation to get up. Now, though, his feet were on the cold wooden floor, shuffling across the mostly empty room to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Tap was fine for him, anything to calm his nerves as he guzzled the glass, almost slamming it down on the countertop to leave it by the sink as he meandered back to his room. The setup of the loft he shared with Yuta was interesting. It was a one-bedroom rather large loft. Jaehyun insisted that Yuta take the privacy of the bedroom while Jaehyun set up a mattress in the middle of the living space. He didn’t mind, really—the window with the most glorious view over the city was worth it.

In front of that window he stood, half naked as he raked and hand through his hair, trying to find any comfort, even in the freezing air conditioning that was blasting on his bare, pale skin.  He shoved one hand into the pocket of his sweatpants, the other rubbing over his exhausted face and he sighed heavily.

“I don’t know who you are or what’s going on but just let me fucking sleep,” he muttered to himself, his eyes barely able to stay open enough to scan the yellow-orange lights of the city below. But even though his eyes could barely stay open, he knew he would only be asleep for so long if they closed.

The hallucinations were hitting now. There, across the way to the other building, he swore he could see a figure standing on top of it.  A female figure dressed in dark clothes who was also looking over the city. Jaehyun rubbed his eyes, but when he stopped, the figure was still there. He took half a step closer to the window, touching the glass with his fingertips as he tried to get a better look and the head of that female figure turned to face him.

Jaehyun’s brow drew together, the figure was too far away for him to positively ID but it wasn’t long after the figure noticed him that it turned to disappear over the ledge of the building.

“What the… hell…”

He rubbed his eyes again and shook his head, reaching out for the drapes to his right to walk them across the window. Maybe the darkness would help Jaehyun sleep better, because obviously the setup he had wasn’t doing it for him. Jaehyun meandered back to his thick mattress on the floor to fall into it, the sheets puffing around him until they faded back down. He threw them over himself, sleep wrapping its sweet embrace around him to pull him back into the darkness.

The smell of coffee wafted through the air, the quiet lull of the television awoke Jaehyun from his sleep. Yuta was always up first, it was normal for the loft to smell strong and for the television to be on the morning news. Jaehyun could faintly hear the weather forecast, his eyes cracking open to the still dark room—the blinds were still drawn; even though Yuta was the first up, he was very considerate of Jaehyun’s sleeping habits, especially since he knew the younger hadn’t slept well in quite some time.

“Good morning,” Yuta’s voice echoed quietly.

“Good morning,” Jaehyun replied, raising his arms above his head to stretch a bit.

“There’s coffee in the pot and some breakfast on the heating pad,” Yuta added, cradling his white ceramic mug in both hands as he sat cross-legged on the couch. Jaehyun sat up slowly, covers pooling in his lap as he rubbed his tired eyes.

“Thanks, Yuta,” Jaehyun replied.

“I don’t mean to girlfriend you, but how did you sleep? We have that big job coming up, Taeyong wants to make sure you’re rested,” Yuta continued.

Jaehyun chuckled. “You’re not girlfriending me; I didn’t sleep well until about two. I got up to get some water; I guess I’ve been sleeping worse than I thought,” he stated, alluding to the figure he saw last night.

Yuta allowed the younger to rise to his feet and make his way to the kitchen before he started asking questions. Jaehyun tended to be pretty grumpy in the morning before coffee, so he waited patiently. Jaehyun stood in the kitchen, a freshly poured cup of coffee to which he added two sugar cubes and a teaspoon of creamer. Yuta listened to the teaspoon bang gently against the mug until Jaehyun returned from the kitchen, sans breakfast.

He plopped into the chair adjacent to the couch, resting his elbows on his thighs as he gripped the mug himself, the loft a little chilly this early in the morning.

“Are you going to tell me about your hallucinations, or are you going to make me ask?” Yuta teased with a small grin, lifting the white cup to his supple lips as he eyed Jaehyun.

“Right, sorry,” he apologized, shaking his head as the mug left his left hand, finding his own lips with the grip of just his right hand to take a small sip. “The girl we saw, the one Taeyong whistled to. We talked vaguely about it, but I mentioned I’d seen her before. She plagued my dreams like a bad horror movie. I swear I woke up every twenty minutes. I was getting frustrated, so I went to get some water—”

“I heard you, about one forty,” Yuta interrupted only for Jaehyun to nod.

“Anyway, I forgot to draw the curtain and with my mind elsewhere, I checked out the city. There was a figure on top of the building there,” he pointed lazily, “I rubbed my eyes assuming it was just my mind playing tricks on me, but the figure turned to look at me for a moment before turning to disappear. I don’t know; I got a weird feeling in my gut, but I went back to sleep alright.”

“You don’t think it was her, do you?” Yuta asked, pretty curious now. Was it just a huge coincidence that Jaehyun was having all kinds of dreams, just for it to be eased by his hallucinations? Or what he thought were hallucinations…

Jaehyun sighed after another sip of coffee, lounging back in the chair now. “It’s hard to say; I couldn’t get a good look, it was dark and I was already tired enough… I drew the curtain and went back to bed. Maybe it was just the light keeping me up.”

Yuta nodded, processing everything Jaehyun was saying. It was unusual for Jaehyun to have feelings like this, but when he did, they were usually important. Taeyong didn’t seem that worried, but he didn’t know Jaehyun like Yuta did. “Do you have a bad feeling?” Yuta finally asked, eyeing Jaehyun a little more sternly now.

It was an important question to ask. Jaehyun’s feelings were usually something to heed.

“I… I can’t pin it, really. I don’t think it’s bad; I just… I’m uneasy. I’m not worried, I don’t feel danger, I just don’t feel right.” He looked down into his now empty mug; remnants of coffee grounds peppered the mug barely visible to the human eye.  “We need a new coffee machine,” he sighed before standing for another cup, “or better filters.”

“Maybe Taeyong will budget us one,” Yuta grinned, the sarcasm behind that statement was so thick it was nearly palpable.

“Taeyong wouldn’t even budget us money to eat; besides, I pawned a fifty grand Rolex the other day. This sweet old lady… she bumped right into me; I didn’t even spot the watch on her until it was almost too late.”

“Damn, a fifty thousand dollar watch,” Yuta shook his head, “the audacity of some rich royalty in this town, I swear. They still haven’t learned.”

“They’ve thrown greater amounts of money away before; what’s another Rolex?” Jaehyun questioned, sitting back down with his second mug of coffee, already in a much better mood than before.

The chatter between the boys died down a little, the laughs fading and the news in the background was taking the stage. It was a story about their next hit, so Yuta quickly grabbed the remote to turn the volume up a little.

An antiques auction, the kind that only came around every once in a while; there was going to be a big banquet for all those invited for the donators. Of course, NCT would somehow forge their way onto the list and it was the spotlight Jaehyun and Yuta had to be prepared for. The president was going to be there, along with hundreds of highly trained officers for security. Three days from now; three days from now they were going to be rolling in dough—paintings, sculptures, woodwork, jewelry, vehicles, royal heirlooms, anything to be thought of that could be antique and highly sought after was going to be there.

“Three days to prepare,” Yuta commented.

“Three days until we can maybe move out of this place,” Jaehyun tacked on.

“Oh come on; you liked this one. You always complained about the cramped space, this one’s big and you liked the view,” Yuta reminded him. Jaehyun was the one who picked it in the first place.

“It’s one bedroom,” Jaehyun fired back.

“We built you a nice wall!” Yuta replied, gesturing towards the nicely painted woodwork that was barely separating the lounging area from his bed, aside from a set of five stairs. Doyoung was nice enough to do the wiring, affording a lamp light on either side of the wall equipped with a working switch and everything. Jaehyun’s ‘bedroom’ was a solid 800 square feet, considering the apartment itself was barely over 1900, had a floor to ceiling window with blackout curtains and anything he could ever want—besides a door and four walls.

Jaehyun sighed, “I wish the damn heat worked.”

“Fine; I’ll give you that one,” Yuta responded, being reminded of just how cold it was in their large flat, cozying into his loose cardigan.

Jaehyun set his mug on the table to his left, reaching over to the coat rack for a gray button down sweater of his own to pull over his bare torso which was contracting all kinds of goosebumps in the cool morning air. Silence loomed between the two boys which was pretty normal for them. The television volume was back down, barely a lull in the background, each of them both waiting for the other to say something in regards to the auction or Taeyong, who was bound to call a meeting any moment, despite it being so early in the morning.

Sure enough, Yuta’s phone started buzzing a moment later and Jaehyun melted into his seat.

“I haven’t even eaten breakfast yet. Nobody should be up at this time, the sun has barely come up,” Jaehyun groaned, not wanting anything to do with the conversation that was about to ensue—he rose from his seat to head back into the kitchen where Yuta had left some breakfast for him, as he mentioned previously, and Jaehyun grabbed a plate out of the cabinet to serve himself.

The conversation between Yuta and Taeyong was short, and it didn’t take much for Jaehyun to gather that it was mostly about him when Yuta replied, “He had some hallucinations last night; I think a little bit of sleep walking. He’s not been sleeping well, Taeyong. Let him rest.”

It only continued a little bit further as Jaehyun stood leaning against the counter, plate of breakfast in his hands as Yuta hung up the phone and rounded the corner to pour more coffee.  Yuta glanced at Jaehyun, watching him chew slowly, waiting for Yuta to say something—

“Taeyong’s worried about you,” Yuta said.

“Is that what he said…” Jaehyun trailed off with a tinge of sarcasm lacing his voice.  

“For once, yes. You’ve not been sleeping well for a good while now. He can see it on your face, so can everyone else but you know it’s bad when even he mentions something about it.”

Jaehyun swallowed hard, tapping his utensils against his plate, suddenly having lost his appetite. Yuta stood, eyeing Jaehyun as he cupped his mug, still settled nicely on the counter, pot back on the warmer; Jaehyun seemed to be lost in thought about the job, about Taeyong, about his dreams, about the sleeping, about everything that could possibly cross his mind right now before finally coming back to you. Something about your walk, not even your face or your voice—your walk said so much more to him than anything ever could. He’d seen that specific walk so many times before—

“It can’t be…”  Jaehyun murmured, his eyes shifted from his plate to straight forward, brow drawn together, perturbed. “It just can’t be.”

[a-nonbinary-mess]

I want you to do all the botanical asks because im a plant gay and i love you and i love plants

im crying op please tell me who you are please i love you too idk who you are but im love u too (also this is 31 questions anon omggg)

baby’s breath: 5 things you associate yourself with

1. art (anything aesthetically pleasing)

2. food–mainly desserts

3. stress (that i put on myself)

4. lavender bc i really love lavenders

5. uhh dogs? i really love dogs

bleeding heart: what makes your heart go mushy?

-thoughts of how much I adore my friends tbh

-any cliche romcom trope in a fanfic or seeing ppl suddenly realize how much they love another person, whether platonically or romantically

-seeing kind people in the world and amazing animals, mainly dogs and cats

bell flower: what’s the title of the song that makes you want to jump around out of joy?

-uhh idk i like disney channel original songs a lot tho and ive been listening to a lot of potential song by aly and aj lol

-love on the brain by rihanna, uhh anything that sounds cheesy and cute and romantic like la vie en rose by edith piaf (the cover by laura and anton is super good)

evening primrose: what is your sleeping playlist (five songs): 

-anything by lofi hip hop beats w/ anime girls studying hard

-any studio ghibli song tbh

-any classical music song idk i dont listen to a lot of music before i sleep

-tango music ??? 

-a whole musical (hamilton, chicago, etc)

-songs that dont require me to sing bc i will sing to legit any song at 3 am instead of sleeping

forget-me-not: who is your favorite blog that’s not following you? 

-hmm idk? i mainly follow a lot of art blogs, so i would say any of them? maybe hinamie? or insomniac-arrest is a super cool person, thatsthat24 bc thomas sanders is an amazing human being and i would love to be friends with him

daffodil: what is one plant that you want to have but can never get?

-lavenders or sunflowers? where i live is kind of really difficult to plant anything tbh (unpredictable weather, things die in the winter, etc) and also idk how to take care of plants r i p 

calla lily: are you more of a sunny day or a rainy evening?

-rainy evening for sure. i love to leave the window opening, listen to soothing music, drink tea surrounded by candles, and read something ive been putting off while my dog is curled up next to me

foxglove: what is your favorite color and in what shade?

-i like the whole rainbow of colors but i prefer the darkest black and darker red for clothing and a light purple in general

lavender: what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have?

-happiness. jk but i really do wish that i wasn’t mentally ill though :// also a cat. bc im allergic : (

love in a mist: what is the latest dream that you remember?

-idk i dont sleep well or deep enough anymore to even dream but i remember having a dream 2 years ago that i was dating oikawa from haikyuu and he was so disconcerting in my dream that i remember it to this day bc essentially he wasnt a real person like i could recognize him bc he was a damn hologram like miku and we had sex the end it was wild

daisy: what is your favorite flavor of cotton candy, ice cream, and juice?

-favorite cotton candy flavor (???): there are multiple flavors???? i just like the original pink i guess idk anything about cotton candy 

-ice cream: cookies n cream, cookie dough, vanilla, mint depending on where im getting it, and strawberry : )

-juice: does fruit punch count 

painter’s palette: are you more of a singer, dancer, painter, or instrumentalist?

-i love singing and i can legit never stop

tulip: what is your most favorite make-up product? do you like it more natural, dark, or etc?

-i love love love red eyeshadow. the brighter the red, the better. i also love red eyeliner and just anything red in general, but i usually mainly use red eyeshadow bc i love the look; anything red = good

waxflower: are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person?

-i love bees !!! butterflies are cool too but bees are cute fluffy babies that essentially control whether we live or die

-uhh probably dog person but only bc i have one :0 i love cats too but im less sneezy and generally stressed when im with dogs lol

sugarbush: do you have sweet tooth? if yes, what’s your favorite sweets? if no, why?

-i really do like sweets but i used to eat so much as a kid that im kind of sick of them now but i still like to eat the occasional cookie or cake or something

-i really like donuts !!! also any asian dessert (eastern, southern, western, EVERYWHERE) is amazing to me and i love eating them

sunflower: would you like to be a fairy or a mermaid?

-merperson !!! i love the ocean and maybe we can finally figure out whats at the bottom of it ; ) sweet pea: what would you like to call your significant other?

-babe mainly, hon

-hey, you fucker

-u dumb egg

sea lavender: can you swim? which strokes can you do?

-i can barely swim now uggghhh but i swam for five years and i knew all the strokes and was super good at freestyle (haru who) !! now i can barely do the freestyle and that’s it lolwindflower: list 5 of your favorite blogs and explain why i like them

-thebootydiaries: she’s funny !! anyone who i find funny i automatically like

-thatsthat24: thomas sanders is amazing. i love him and his friends so much and i think about being his friend a lot to the point where ill have dreams about suddenly being good friends with his whole posse aldjfal;fjl

-tatir0ckz: we used to talk a lot like back when we were both into hetalia but we never talk anymore ? which is fine ! but i remember a lot of our old convos and we skyped like once and idk 2012 was a simpler time

-adorable-as-fuck: i know her irl !! we went to the arcade like once and it was a ton of fun so we exchanged tumblrs and thats it and on the rare occasion that we’re both free, we might go to the arcade again !! idk its cool she’s super cool

-mhaikkun: her art style is so good and she doesnt upload as much on tumblr anymore but shes so cute and her clothing style and aesthetics is sooo good !! she’s a p cool person and her stories on twitter are always super wholesome aah

-this is more than five but ngl aphtextsfromnordics, incorrectknb and any other incorrect quotes blogs or text message blogs changed me as a person aldfj

golden rod: are you more of a baker or a cook?

-baker for sure ! baking just calms me down i think

bloom: what is something that you would like to tell your children?

-if i do have children, i want to tell them that i will never judge them for who they want to be. i hope they will be as open as possible and that i would never want to make them uncomfortable. i would encourage talking about problems and just communicating needs in general. idk, basically everything my biological parents didnt do

peony: what is something that you wish your parents could’ve told you?

-tbh my parents are awful, awful parents (and one of them is just a purely disgustingly, horrid person) and i would never wish for them to tell me anything bc on the off chance that they did try to parent, it was to tell me how much of a burden i was, or something racist/homophobic, etc. 

-if they were better people, i wish they would have told me it was okay to be struggling and its okay to be lost rn. i wish they would have encouraged open communication and kindness but well, i learned that all myself : )

prairie gentian: do you have a significant other?

-nope! i sometimes really wish i did, but relationships honestly stress me out and idk how to talk to irl people : ( i love platonic relationships a little more honestly, makes me feel more comfortable

september flower: are you more of a sunshine or sunset person?

-sunset for sure lol i think sunsets are so pretty bc of all the colors that are involved and during that time period is when im doing something i like and im typically at home : ))

bird of paradise: do you wake up early? do you sleep early?

-i wake up early now bc of school but i usually sleep late and wake up late haha

marigold: what’s your favorite tea?

-roasted green tea and lavender! anything flowery is nice too : )

peruvian lily: what are the names of your pets?

-i only have one dog (a pomeranian) and her name is marzia! which is short for marzipan bc my dad didnt want to remember such a long name lol

hyacinth: do you name your plants?

-ye! most of the time theyre just silly names like spiky (for when we had a cactus a long time ago) or red/pink (the colors of the roses), etc. idk about now bc i dont have any plants currently

lilac: would you rather sleep and be cozy or hang out with your friends?

-hmm depends on the friend tbh

-but most of the time id rather sleep and be cozy !!!

poppy: do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is?

-dipping !! i like ketchup or ketchup and mayo !! cheese fries are sooo good too

dandelion: any special talent that you have?

-i can bullshit a writing piece really bad and still get a good grade on it (seeing as most of the time i procrastinate until the night before and write the whole damn thing)

thanks for all of these questions anon !! if u can and ur comfortable, pls get off of anon sometime so we can talk !! im on tumblr a lot more now bc im procrastinating lol (and if my responses are late its bc im on mobile with no notifs on lol)

[reddie-to-go]

It Was Always You

So this was written by a friend of mine @princesschelliebelle and she asked if I could post it on my blog because hers isn’t IT or Reddie based, and I said of course because I absolutely love it and I think you all will to! Enjoy!

Eddie could only admit it to himself. He was a coward. Sure, he has the capacity to be more than brave when the time called for it. Hell, if that horrendous experience they all had 4 years ago in the sewers wasn't proof enough, he didn't know what was.

They had all stepped up to the plate, and although Eddie was small and more "fragile" than the rest, he had put in more than enough of his fair share of swings and attacks when they damned that thing back to hell where it belonged. Then why was he so afraid to admit such a huge part of him out loud?

He had just turned 17, and all of the losers were as tightly woven as they ever were, all seniors now at Derry High.

They all seemed to know and be comfortable with who they were.

Beverly and Ben have been dating since sophomore year, going strong and sappy, and certainly a shoe-in to be voted "cutest couple" in the yearbook superlatives this year.

Stan is seeing a nice Jewish girl who attends his father’s synagogue for a couple months now, and though he doesn't speak much about her, he seems fairly happy with her so far.

Mike is too busy for a romantic relationship, between school, helping his family on the farm, and a part-time job, no one blames him for not having the energy to hop into the dating scene.

Bill is happily single, and goes on dates with girls fairly often, but doesn't make anything more serious out of them, and seems quite content to keep things that way.

Richie on the other hand, was different.

Towards the tail-end of freshman year, Richie came out to the losers as bisexual. He had stated it as casually and simply as if he were discussing the weather or a school assignment.

All 6 were supportive of course, but had a few questions for him, of which Richie was incredibly comfortable answering.

"When did you know, Rich?" Bev piped up first. Richie didn't skip a beat before replying

"Part of me has always known. But when puberty rolled around, well, mother nature has a big way of letting you know what you're into...and when I say big, I do mean BIG-".

Richie and his suggestive hand gestures were cut short when Stan thumped a pillow in his face, with an accompanying

"Beep Beep, Dumbass."

Everyone cycled through some more questions, like "are you going to come out to anyone else?" and "have you ever kissed a boy before?".

The only one who sat stark silent was Eddie.

His jaw was clamped shut so hard, his teeth began to ache. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his burning face on his kneecaps. Was it hot in here? Does anyone else feel perilously close to passing out?

No, just Eddie?

Richie went on to explain that he was going to live his life authentically, and if he got shit about it from people at school? Fuck it, he already got tons of bullshit from his parents and Bowers and his gang, he is more than used to it.

Eddie felt himself flush all the way up to his ears when Richie spoke again.

He said he never kissed a boy OR girl, and how he wants to kiss someone he can see himself being with, falling in love with.

Eddie released a breath he didn't know he was holding, feeling embarrassingly relieved.

He was also a little surprised at Richie’s oddly romantic statement, which made Eddie's stomach twist in pleasure, despite himself.

Eddie Kaspbrak is gay.

He has known it for as long as he can remember, and he has been denying, suppressing, and suffocating those feelings for almost just as long.

That fateful summer when they were 13, was when he decided to stop lying to himself, albeit keeping it to himself, and himself alone. That was also the summer he realized he had feelings for his best friend in the whole world.

The same one who just happened to admit he was bisexual, with confidence and ease. Something brave that Eddie couldn't bring himself to do.

He hated himself for it.

That horrific day at the Neibolt house, ironically enough, is the day his feelings for Richie were realized.

That evil, fucking clown, leering over him, pinning him down, mocking him, as Eddie cried out in pain and fear, desperately trying to slap the monster with his unbroken arm

Bill and Richie came rushing in, and so did the others in the nick of time. But then, as the clown loomed towards them, claws ripping from his gloves and drool dripping from his rows and rows of razor-sharp teeth, Richie ran to his side.

As Pennywise ominously closed the distance between them, Richie crouched down and forced Eddie's face in his direction.

"Eddie! EDDIE, look at me! LOOK AT ME!" he shouted, keeping Eddie's gaze on him. For all they all knew, they were going to die that day, and Richie's biggest concern was keeping Eddie calm, helping him to be less afraid.

And in those frenzied, panicked moments, Eddie realized that if he was about to go, he was so grateful the last thing he got to see was Richie.

If he died looking at his crazy dark curls, those high cheekbones sprinkled with freckles, those chestnut eyes magnified behind those dorky, thick glasses, and a warm fuzzy feeling in his chest, he figured he had it better than most.

Ever since then, Eddie had it bad.

And god help him, did he have to fall for the most handsy, in your face, crazy person. Every hug, tickle, cheek kiss, tackle, suggestive joke, touch, and flirt was, well...just Richie.

Its how he had been for as long as they all had known each other, which at this point, was a decade at least. He was the quintessential class clown, the "trash mouth", the touchy-grabby, insane goofball who lived to make people laugh, at any cost.

He was this way with all of the losers, it wasn't anything new. Richie couldn't know how it gave Eddie butterflies, how it made his heart stutter, his head go fuzzy...and at times, make his body react in ways he would have to stealthily hide with a pillow, or a jacket, or a book, until Eddie willed it the hell away.

But then again, Richie was more touchy with Eddie than any of the other losers...but that's just because they were closer, right?

Eddie and Richie were walking home from school, the usual ridiculous banter bouncing between them. It was late November, and the air was crisp and a bit biting when the wind blew.

Eddie shuttered at a gust of wind, and turned to his right to see Richie with a large, teasing grin.

"Ahre you chilly, dahling? My, my, where ARE my manners? I can't have my handsome gentleman callah freezing his tits off!" Richie crooned in a god awful southern belle accent.

"Shut up, dick face, Im f-f-fine" Eddie said with a shiver. Richie laughed out loud and shrugged his leather jacket off his shoulders and placed it on Eddie in one swift motion.

"You're gonna freeze stupid, take it back! I appreciate it, but its too cold for you to have no jacket" Eddie said while Richie stomped on some fallen, crunchy leaves.

"Na, Eds, how could I possibly be cold when you keep me so hot and bothered all the time?" Richie replied, swinging an arm around Eddie's shoulder and squeezing him to his side.

Eddie looked down at the pavement to hide his blush and a small grin.

They decided to go to Richie's house. They often alternated, but more often than not, they ended up here. Sonia Kaspbrak was never fond of Richie, and would always make a fuss when he was around too often, so this was typically just easier.

It was a Friday, and it meant they didn't have to bother with homework or worry about how late they stayed up, and they could just have a sleepover, like usual.

As they walked into Richie's room, Eddie found himself softly sighing. He always felt this overwhelming feeling as if he had come home.

Sure, the dirty socks on the floor and the empty soda cans and candy wrappers made his skin crawl, but his room was so comforting in its familiarity. The music posters, the comic books, the bed strewn with his clothes.

Eddie sat down on the edge of his double sized bed. The room smelled like him. It smelt like his warm, spicy cologne, the sweet jolly ranchers that he seemed to have everywhere.

It smelt like fresh air, cigarettes, and something masculine, something that was just him. He felt like he could get high on the scent. And for a moment, Eddie felt like he was losing his damn mind.

Richie waltzed in holding a bag of chips and two bottles of water and jumped on the bed so hard that the springs groaned.

"Jesus, asshole, you aren't a feather, you know!" Eddie laughed and scolded him at the same time. Richie just responded by shoving a handful of chips in his mouth and chewing obnoxiously near Eddie's ear.

Richie certainly had changed in those 4 years since that summer. For one thing, he was tall. Very tall. He sprouted up to 6'2 and was lean, with wirey muscle covering his long, gangly limbs.

His face had matured and lost all that soft innocence of youth, and he had a defined, sharp jawline with cheekbones to match.

Eddie could only wish his changes through the years were as profound.

Eddie was only 5'8 and of average build and weight, very disappointingly ordinary if you asked him. Although he had lost some of the round innocence in his face from childhood, he still had a softness about him, and big round, doe-like eyes.

Eddie often solemnly thought that Richie wouldn't ever consider him in that way, for his plain appearance alone.                

Eddie absentmindedly flipped through a random comic he grabbed from Richie’s desk, while Richie appeared to be watching some dopey teenage drama on his small, grainy TV.

The 2 main characters, after enduring sexual tension you could cut with a knife, finally kissed in dramatic fashion.

Richie tossed a potato chip at the screen and scoffed as it bounced to the floor.

"You'd think with me playing for both teams Id have someone by now. After all, I am irresistible" Richie said as he stretched out his legs across Eddies.

Eddie snorted back a laugh and said "Rich, as 'irresistible' as you might be, you actually have to put in an effort. I don't think I've ever seen you on a date, or kiss anyone...". As Eddie trailed off, Richie bit his lip, looking thoughtful.

Eddie could almost feel the shift in the room. For once, Richie was actually being serious. A few moments of silence passed before Richie asked

"have you ever been on a date or kissed anyone, Eds?"

Eddie shifted uncomfortably before telling what was actually the truth.

"Yes, I have actually. I have been on 4 dates, and I kissed each of those girls. It didn't work out, but hey, that's my luck."

And the funny thing was, that wasn't a lie.

Eddie did go on those dates and kiss those girls, but it was his last pathetic efforts to try to be straight. To stop thinking about Richie like that. But at the end of every awkward kiss, he felt weird and detached. It felt like a poorly rehearsed chore.

After the last girl in junior year, he decided to stop this pointless endeavour.

Richie cast his eyes down and shook his head before he spoke

"I’ve actually never kissed anyone at all...I’m 17 and I have never done it..." Richie had said it so quietly, it was almost a whisper. Eddie had so much nervous energy coursing through him he felt like he might jump out of his skin. Suddenly, Eddie felt a surge of courage, something in his gut that said 'now or never'.

"I’m gay, Rich" Eddie murmured, fidgeting with a loose thread on Richie’s shirt.

He felt as though his whole body had pins and needles, and he felt his chest tighten with anxiety.

Eddie tried to laugh off the serious admission by following it with,

"And hey, don't feel like you're missing out too much. Kissing isn't all its made out to be. I never felt any fireworks, and those poor girls probably thought they were kissing a dead fish". He half-heartedly chuckled.

He couldn't meet Richie’s gaze. The unusual silence made Eddie want to scream. You could hear a pin drop.

The one-time "trashmouth" Tozier had nothing to say, and it was killing Eddie with every moment that passed.

 Suddenly, Eddie felt sick. A wave of nausea, sadness, pent-up emotion that felt like a sucker punch to the gut. He also felt like a fool. He told his best friend, the only person he has ever told, that he was gay, and all he could do was sit there and stare.

When a man of many words suddenly is at a loss for them, Eddie could only assume the worst. Tears pricked at his eyes and stung. One lonely tear trickled down his hot cheek. Richie finally spoke.

"I never kissed anybody because I never found anyone available who I felt a special connection with. Someone to be vulnerable with. Someone who understands me." He paused, and then continued

"And I think that you're wrong." Eddie sniffled pathetically and looked up at Richie at last.

Richie’s cheeks were blazing red, and he looked so beautiful.

"What was I wrong about, Rich?" Eddie asked as Richie shifted closer on the bed.

"Well, I may not have kissed anyone, but I think it is worth the hype, Eds." Richie said quietly, as his eyes dropped to Eddies soft, parted lips. Eddie felt his heart start to race, as he dared himself to say

"Well, how can you prove that?"

Richie’s tongue darted out to wet his lips, and he let out a shuttering breath. Eddie felt paralyzed to his spot on the bed.

Before Eddie could have another thought, Richie leaned forward and pressed his lips to Eddies. Eddie didn't have the vocabulary to explain how good it felt.

It was a brief kiss, close-mouthed, and soft, 4 or 5 seconds at most. But in all of his life, he hadn't felt anything like he had in those brief moments.

A spark isn't enough to explain it. It was a like an electrical circuit was finally connected, completed, and a powerful and euphoric energy passed back and forth between them. It took his breath away.

Richie pulled away and laid his head back on the pillow. Richie’s heart was beating so fast that he was shaking ever so slightly. Richie said, in a shaky voice

"Well....at least for me, I think I proved my poi-"

But he was cut off by Eddie's lips on his once more. But this time, Eddie wasn't holding back. He had wanted this for so long, that he had not one more ounce of restraint.

He kissed him firmly, over and over, leaning his chest against his, barely allowing either of them to breathe.

He had a taste, and now he was addicted.

He moved his mouth down Richie’s jaw and kissed underneath it and all down his neck. Richie moaned softly, and Eddie felt himself grow hard at the sound.

Suddenly, Richie flipped Eddie over and crawled between his legs, one knee on either side of his leg. He leaned down and ran his tongue along the edge of Eddies lower lip. Eddie had to suppress a shiver as he opened his mouth to give him access.

Eddie could hardly believe that Richie had never done this before. His kisses were soft but passionate, wet but not sloppy, and it drove Eddie absolutely fucking wild.

Apparently, Eddie wasn't the only one being driven crazy though. Richie came closer and pushed his body against his, and Eddie could immediately feel how hard Richie was against his thigh.

It made Eddie moan out loud. Heat coiled tight in his stomach, and he felt almost drunk. He reached up a wove his fingers in his thick curls, and gently tugged.

Richie sat up and pulled Eddie with him so he was seated on his lap, and then roughly ran his fingertips up and down his back.

Somewhere, in a teeny tiny part of his mind, Eddie thought 'This is amazing, but its new. Slow down'.

To say this was like a drug would be an understatement, but he knew they had to stop, for the moment anyway.

After what felt like an eternity of arguing with his better sense, Eddie pulled away. Richie adorably whimpered at the loss of contact. It took all of Eddie's strength to put this moment on pause, but he had something to say, before they got carried away.  

They sat there catching their breath, before they were consumed with a fit of giggles. They couldn't explain why or contain it, but they kept laughing until their sides hurt.

Once he regained composure, Eddie began to speak.

"After the worlds best make-out session and the biggest confession I’ve ever made, I’m having trouble processing my thoughts. So please forgive me if this is a crazy ramble, ok?" Richie leaned against the headboard and nodded.

"Dude, you are loud, crude, a total and complete slob, and you have no concept of personal space. You tell the most stupid jokes and at least half of your accents are crap, and you drive the other losers insane like you have a quota to meet."

Richie furrowed his brow, looking almost embarrassed. Eddie continued before Richie could speak,

"But...one thing remains consistent. When I’m with you, I feel like I can overcome anything, like I can conquer the world. You don't make my weaknesses feel like a flaw, just another piece of me. No one I've ever known cares more, protects more, or makes me laugh the way that you do. At the end of the day, you have so much love to give. How could I not fall for you?"

Eddie gulped and stared at the pattern on the bedspread.

"You don't have to feel the same way, Rich...I get it, I really do. I mean, you've waited this long to find that special person...and I’m just me. We can pretend this never happened, if you want. I just want you to be happy...."

Eddie was frantic, tears blurring his vision. Richie sat up, leaning forward quickly, grabbing Eddie's hands in his enormous ones, and spoke.

"Hey dipshit, its always been you."

Eddie whipped his head back up, and looked at him incredulously.

"But...but..." Eddie began, but Richie piped up again,

"I never thought you were an option available to me. And god fucking knows its difficult to be with someone else when everything you want is around you almost every single day. It has always been you, it will always be you, Spaghetti." Richie smirked broadly at him, and Eddie lunged forward and squeezed him so hard to him that Richie let out a little squeak. Eddie leaned in to whisper in his ear

"Don't call me that. Way to taint the best moment of my life, fuckface"

Eddie began to laugh at the familiar joking between them. From now on, so many things wouldn't be the same. It was a kind of scary feeling. Richie cupped Eddie's face and gently kissed his forehead, sighing happily.

Eddies heart swelled inside his ribcage, and Eddie found himself thinking that he actually hoped nothing would ever be the same again.

[blatherkatt]

Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Chapter 33: Declarations 

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Implied/Mentioned abuse, mentions of terrorism, death mention, injury mention, depiction of an emotional breakdown, trauma aftermath; Illustrated; Pesterlog

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

— carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling tipsyGnostalgic [TG] —

CG: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

— tipsyGnostalgic [TG] is an idle chum! —

CG: FUCK YOU, I CAN SEE THAT FOR MYSELF, YOU PIECE OF SHIT PROGRAM. I’M GONNA FUCKING YELL ANYWAY.

CG: I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO PICK ME UP AT NOON. IT’S LIKE, 1:30 AND YOU STILL AREN’T HERE, WHAT GIVES?

CG: IF YOU GOT KIDNAPPED, TOO, I SWEAR TO FUCK I’M PERSONALLY PUTTING THIS ENTIRE GODDAMN FAMILY UNDER PERMANENT WATCH.

CG: I’M NOT ABOVE SITTING ON YOU ASSHOLES IF THATS WHAT IT TAKES.

TG: okay first off i know youre like a literal alien but heres a protip for ya:

TG: general human earth etiquette is to not text people who you know are probably driving?

TG: its like a whole thing

CG: WHY

TG: idk probs because texting while driving’s a great way to fucking crash lol

TG: anyway!!

TG: yeah im real sorry about that mom fucking rang me up like

TG: hi im at the airport come get me!

TG: out of fucking nowhere because everything has to be a fucking hassle with this woman

TG: so i had to go get her

CG: WHY THE FUCK WAS SHE AT THE AIRPORT?

TG: because fuck me is why

TG: and THEN shes like

TG: ooooh i gotta do some mysterious whatthefuckever errand at some mall out in the middle of nowhere

TG: so now im sitting in the parking lot waiting for her to get back which might be a while because her bad leg’s been acting up lately

TG: and thats why im not there yet >:(

CG: WAIT. WAIT, HOLD ON, I’M CONFUSED.

CG: BY “MOM” ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT RACHEL? I DIDN’T EVEN THINK SHE HAD A BAD LEG.

TG: nonono

TG: ray is like. dirk and dave and rose’s mom

TG: i dont call her mom i just call her aunt ray cuz shes not my mom yknow

TG: my mom is aunt ray’s sister

TG: aunt ramona? they talk about her?

CG: OOOOOOH. YEAH.

CG: THE WOMAN WHO WRITES THOSE SHITTY SUPERNATURAL ROMANCE BOOKS KANAYA LOVES.

TG: hahaha yeah her trashy shit is great

CG: SHE’S HERE?

TG: apparently!!!!!!!!

CG: I’M SENSING SOME BITTERNESS.

TG: ugh its fine she just always does shit like this

TG: womans always gotta make a fuckin entrance even if that means not telling anyone shes coming

TG: and its goddamn annoying as shit!!

TG: but its fine i get it shes here to help out and we are kinda all hands on deck

TG: speaking of tho i heard something about kanaya not coming along after all?

CG: NOT YET, NO.

CG: SHE’S BEEN TALKING TO ROSE, AND APPARENTLY DAVE’S BEEN PRETTY UNEASY WITH THE NUMBER OF NEW FACES AT THE HIVE.

CG: HOUSE. WHATEVER.

CG: TEREZI’S PROTECTION DETAIL HAS HIM KIND OF ON EDGE, I GUESS?

CG: SHE’S GONNA COME AROUND LATER PROBABLY. AND MIGHT END UP STAYING WITH PORRIM AND KEEP IT TO VISITS, AT LEAST UNTIL THINGS SETTLE DOWN A BIT.

CG: SO IT’S JUST ME FOR NOW.

TG: ooooh yeah geez i bet

TG: poor dave :( :( :(

TG: i gotta tell you and mom some uh. serious shit about him when i pick you both up

TG: id pass it on here but its probs better if i just tell you face to face?

CG: OH, WONDERFUL!

CG: MORE NO DOUBT HORRIFIC NEWS REGARDING DAVE.

CG: I CAN’T WAIT. THIS PANIC ATTACK’S GONNA BE ONE FOR THE RECORD BOOKS, I CAN JUST FEEL IT!!!

TG: :(

TG: tl;dr hes not in great shape but hes getting better but theres some stuff we gotta go over

TG: jfc mom what the fuck are you doing its been ages

CG: SO WAIT. SHE JUST HAD YOU DRIVE HER OUT SOMEWHERE AND WALKED OFF ALONE?

TG: yeah

TG: woman can take care of herself just fine so like im not worried??

TG: but still, like. cmon woman!!! whatever it is hurry up a little

TG: it cant be that important we got places to be

In terms of location, it was almost an outlet mall; somewhat detached from the nearest city and surrounded by forest. It was mostly all one building, positioned in a dip in the ground next to a clear stream, and these features had helped make it a serviceable fortress during the invasion, although Derek had regularly complained that he’d have preferred a site that held the high ground. Still, they’d made do; the roof was high enough that one could see for quite some distance, the stream offered fresh water, the trees provided decent enough cover during skirmishes, and the walls were thick enough to turn away most weather and weapons. It hadn’t been much, but it had served well enough as home for six years for around threescore ragtag survivors-turned-fighters.

Out in the surrounding forest, those who hadn’t survived that conflict still lay buried in pitiful graves marked only with a stone or a chunk of wood. There hadn’t been time to properly put anyone to rest; it had been risky enough for two or three people to slip out during a stretch of quiet with a shovel and a body. They simply hadn’t been able to afford to have any sort of formal burial, not with the threat of an attack constantly looming.

Even so, even so…

Derek had picked a spot he would remember.

In life, the oak tree would have been the kind people would have thought of as a monarch, with branches spread wide and gnarled wood ancient and strong, holding children in its branches as easily as if they were made of nothing; but the tree had already been dead by the time the invasion started, a great, ancient, dried-out husk. Even so, decades later, it still stood, its branches reaching toward the sky, the other trees forming a circle around it as though too respectful to come too close. Mushrooms and trails of greenery crept about a quarter of the way up the ancient trunk.

At its roots, a rotting wooden spar stuck up out of the ground. This, too, had been reclaimed by flowers, grasses and mushrooms, decorating the splintered and decayed timber with dark summer greens and pale white-and-lavender blooms.

Derek Strider, down on one knee with his sheathed sword held in his right hand, sighed. Of course, the trouble with having to bury the dead so hastily meant that there’d been no one to look over the graves, so it was to be expected that it be in such disrepair, but even so, seeing this one choked out by the invading flora was…

It wasn’t right.

Overhead, the ancient branches rustled slightly, and the raucous calling of a bird broke the silence. Derek narrowed his eyes and ignored it, tried to write the disrespectful noise out of the scene.

The crow seemed to have other ideas. The bird lighted down on the wooden grave marker, red eyes fixed on Derek’s face. It flapped its wings a few times, cawing incessantly. Derek scowled, unsheathed his sword, and struck —

The blade passed through the bird with no resistance whatsoever. The creature’s body split in two, bloodlessly, as though Derek had cut through smoke — it even looked like smoke, like a cloud cut in two by a passing jet. As Derek looked on, uncomprehending and with a growing sense of dread, the bird’s body seemed to pull itself back together, a video played in reverse, and the bird’s accusatory squawks started up again as though nothing had happened.

Derek was on his feet in an instance, stepping away from the beast, and as he did, he happened to look up…

Perched on nearly every branch of the old tree were ravens. Unlike the crow, they were all silent, and aside from the occasional shifting of a foot or tilting of a head, motionless. Scores of staring animal eyes bored into him.

Derek had never been a superstitious man, but nor was he the sort of fool to ignore the truth his own eyes showed him. He’d spent six years fighting alongside a witch, and seen enough to learn that some things really couldn’t be explained away as coincidence.

Had it been anyone else, he would have responded to the sound of footsteps approaching this site with a furious attack; even Ben knew better than to disturb him here. But when he whirled to face the intruder, he froze.

She’d aged more since he’d last seen her than he would have expected. Hints of silver streaked her hair, and she leaned heavily on her gnarled black cane. A faint breeze stirred the black fabric of her dress, playing with the light shawl laying across her shoulders. The crow had fallen silent.

“Put that thing away before you take someone’s eye out,” said Ramona, nodding nonchalantly at Derek’s sword.

Derek narrowed his eyes, and did not respond aloud, instead choosing to slowly and deliberately slide the sword back into its sheathe. Only after his left hand had returned to his side did Ramona nod and continue.

“That’s better,” she said. “Now we can talk things over like reasonable adults. Mind you, I ought to do the world a favor and wipe you out right now,” and Derek took a slow, deep breath at that, as she continued, “But I’d prefer not to desecrate your brother’s grave by staining it with your blood. I respect him far too much for that. You, however, have somehow managed to exceed all of my worst expectations to a nearly unfathomable degree, as of late. I’ve held off on this confrontation out of respect for the past, but I can see now that this was a mistake.”

Derek shifted. “Everything I’ve done has been to protect our damn planet, Ramona,” he started, but was cut off.

“Really?” she said, “Well, then. I’m not about to attempt to ask you to cease killing trolls, as we both know that would be pointless, but I would very much like to know how exactly burning your own son alive plays into your grand battle strategy?”

“He…he turned on us,” Derek said, through gritted teeth, “He forced my hand, left me no choice!”

“He is a child!” Ramona snapped. “And you, of all people, should know better! If you really must follow this path of self-destruction to its end, fine, but he should never have been involved!”

“I—”

“And in any case, you had a perfectly good sword on hand, I’m sure. If young Dave really did need to die, you could have executed him with minimal pain, but no, you wanted him to hurt, to know he was dying and to fear you and suffer as he passed. How do you justify that, Derek? How does anyone, especially a child, deserve anything of the sort?”

The eyes of the ravens and that damned crow still drilled into him. He could feel the stares on his back, but kept his eyes locked on Ramona’s, refusing to back down.

He wasn’t going to take back what he’d done. There’d be no guilt, he’d done nothing wrong except overreact a bit. It was justified. That…that boy wasn’t Dave. Ramona was using the name like a blade, but she’d not win that way. He didn’t deserve the fucking name, didn’t deserve to have anything to do with Dave, he never would have let Rachel name the kid that if he’d known he was going to grow up to be such a pathetic, useless little coward.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” he said.

“No, I suppose you don’t,” said Ramona, folding her hands over the top of her cane. “I’ve a fairly good idea, in any case.” She sighed. “The war is over, Derek. The time to put aside this violence and misery is long since behind us. Our children do not deserve to grow up as we did.”

“The trolls are still here,” Derek spat.

There was a long silence. Ramona sighed again.

“Fine, then,” she said, “So be it. Do as you will. Chase violence as long as you like. But if you come near my family again, I will consider it an act of war.”

She turned, and he was tempted to take the bait, to try attacking her while her back was turned, but he held still. It was infuriating, knowing what a pointed insult turning her back on him was, knowing that she knew he would not risk attacking her—but she was right. She was much too dangerous.

“Come along, little one,” she said, abruptly. The crow rose off the grave and flew to land on top of Ramona’s cane. If Derek had cared to pay any attention, he might have noticed the crow look back at him with something like regret in its eyes, but Derek was already far too lost in his own thoughts.

As one bird, the ravens took wing, dispersing in all directions, leaving him alone again.

The trouble with trying to go from Alternian to English was a multifaceted one, to be sure, but so far the most obnoxious piece of it that Karkat could see was the tendency of guides on how to speak English to simply use the closest Alternian equivalent as an English word’s translation. More and more, the two languages were notably extremely different, and while he could speak English well enough that he’d never had any serious problems, there were any number of words that he kept tripping over as a result of a translation being extremely unclear and culturally misleading.

Witches, for instance, were clearly something very different on Earth. The Alternian word that was translated to English as “witch” was, like most Alternian words, a series of noises in the ‘click and growl’ family that most humans lacked the anatomy to create, and generally refered to certain lowblood prophets and healers in Alternian folklore. They were those who lived away from society and who, through some lucky genetics and convenient psychic powers, were able to fend of drones and effectively disappear from the world at large’s knowledge. They kept to themselves, sought to harm no one who didn’t attack them first, offered shelter to the weak and the hunted, and as such were always portrayed as utterly despicable beings in fiction, as no writer with any sense of self-preservation had dared to portray such reckless treachery under the rule of the last Condesce. There might have been some changes to the lore under the new one’s rule, but things like that changed slow.

In any case, they certainly weren’t anything like the old woman in a shawl who was sitting next to Roxy in the front of her car.

She was dressed all in black, for one thing. Alternian witches didn’t tend to wear much black. Some Alternian witches didn’t tend to wear all that much clothing at all, really. Most seemed to belong to ancient religions that weren’t particularly fond of shirts.

Ramona was definitely magic as shit, though, Rachel’d been right about that much. Was that all a witch was on Earth, just someone with magic? Fuck, if that were the case, then probably like at least a third of all trolls were witches by Earth’s standards. Then again, maybe magic was another poorly translated word? English didn’t seem to have a word to separate “things that we (read: trolls) know exist, like psychic powers and psiionics and ghosts and chucklevoodoos,” and “things that are super fake and don’t actually happen ever and make no sense.”

Whatever. In any case, Ramona didn’t look at all like Karkat had expected, and when he climbed into the back of the car, she didn’t react to his presence with anything stronger than an amiable nod. She seemed to have her mind on other things, and was largely silent at first.

Roxy wasn’t; she immediately piped up happily as Karkat swung open the door with a “Hey, man! Sorry about taking so long! Can you, uh, do me a favor and check on Jaspers? He’s in the carrier behind Mom, Rose asked me to pick him up while she and Aunt Ray were gone. He’s been missing them a lot, all staring out the window and kneading his blanket and shit, and he’s not a huge fan of car rides.”

“He’s asleep,” Karkat said after glancing into the little crate.

“Awesome. Alright, buckle up and we’ll get this damn show on the road.”

“On the road again, just can’t wait to get on—”

Karkat tilted his head as the car’s radio abruptly changed from quietly playing some human pop song over to something much louder and completely different. Ramona stifled a snort as Roxy stabbed a button, switching the radio back to the previous channel.

“No, thank you,” she said, glaring. “Christ, the fuck is with this thing today, I swear to god.”

“I suppose it may simply be getting into the spirit of things,” said Ramona with a smile. As the car pulled away from the curb, she turned back a bit to face Karkat. “It’s Karkat, isn’t it? Rachel’s been sending me any number of emails with updates, and from the sound of things, you’ve been rather instrumental in bringing young Dave back into the fold, so to speak.”

“…Into the what?”

“It’s a figure of speech, meaning in this case that you’ve helped us return him home as well as helping him to adjust to being there,” she said. “For which you have all of our heartfelt thanks. Ours is perhaps not the most functional of families, but it  is ours, and as I’m sure you’ve seen firsthand, ripping away a piece of it the way Derek did has had some very painful consequences for all involved. We owe you a great deal.”

“Yeah, man!” Roxy said. “And from what Rose has been telling me, you were kind of a big part of why he finally spilled what he knows. Which, he did bee-tee-dubs, which means he’s off house arrest finally, so that’s good—”

“—And a partridge in a pear tree,” the radio crackled.

“What the fuck? It’s August,” Roxy scowled. She turned the radio off altogether as Ramona glanced hurriedly out the window.

“Speaking of Dave,” Karkat said, hopefully before anyone got distracted again, “Roxy, you mentioned that there was something that you needed to say face to face?”

“Right, shoot, yeah,” said Roxy. The car turned onto the long road that led eventually to the Lalonde hive. “Okay, so, like. There’s definitely some shit you should know before we get there, but I wanna preface it all real clearly by saying that Dave’s okay, y’know? He’s got a lot of healing to do, but the doctors said that as long as he’s looked after and we change bandages and shit and he gets plenty of rest, he’s definitely not in any danger anymore. He’s…weak, but he’s not like gonna keel over at any moment, okay?”

“Not actually making me feel any better, Roxy!” said Karkat. Oh, boy, with a preface like that…

“Well, fuck, I tried, I guess. Uh. So, Dave did get hurt…pretty bad, and there were some other complications—oh, for fuck’s sake!!”

“Watch me, watch me, hey, watch me, watch me!” The radio was louder than ever. Ramona’s hand flew up, poorly hiding a grin.

Karkat leaned around Roxy’s seat to glare at her.

“What the fuck, Roxy,” said Karkat.

“I’m not doing this!” Roxy said, waving her hand wildly. “I swear to fuck, I wouldn’t! I really do need to pass on some shit about poor Dave, and the radio’s never done this before? It’s been acting up since a little before we picked you up, keeps changing on its own and shit, augh!”

She fought with the controls, but the song stopped only for a moment before getting even louder.

“Why the fuck do you humans even have this obnoxious song?! Who listens to this?? It’s literally just some squawking wiggler screeching for its lusus’s attention!”

“I mean, I kinda love it for that honestly, it’s terrible and stupid and wonderful, but like, come the fuck on??? What’s with this thing?! Now is not the time!”

“Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass—“

“GOD, that’s even worse!!” Roxy yelled, slamming her fist down on the dashboard. “Fucking stop!!”

“That’s enough for now,” Ramona said, almost murmuring it.

The radio turned off. Karkat and Roxy both turned a suspicious eye on Ramona, and with equal simultaneity, decided to drop it for now.

“Anyway,” Roxy said slowly, “What I was trying to say is, um…Karkat, do you know what it means for someone to ‘flatline?’ Because, um. Dave kinda did, for like, a minute and a half.”

Karkat shook his head, realized Roxy probably couldn’t see him with her eyes on the road, and said, “Uh, I have no idea what that word means, no.”

“Well, um…”

“It refers to a heart monitor indicating that the heart has ceased beating,” Ramona said. “The machine indicates activity with a line which shows peaks and valleys, and it goes flat when that activity has stopped, thus, ‘flatline’. The organ we call a heart serves an equivalent function to what trolls call a ‘blood pusher’ or a ‘pump biscuit.’”

Karkat felt for a moment like his own pump biscuit had stopped.

“Shit, Mom, when did you get so good at translating to trolls?” Roxy murmured.

Ramona shrugged. “I’ve made efforts to reach out,” she said. “The war ended, after all, and since we’re allies now, it doesn’t hurt to learn about each others’ cultures.”

“His fucking—What?!” Karkat screeched, unable to keep the harsh buzzing whine out of his voice. God, that was such a moirail noise, and any other time he’d have yelled at himself for not keeping it under control, but not now, not when… “His fucking blood pusher stopped and I’m supposed to be calm!?!”

“They got it moving again!” Roxy said. “He’s okay now, the doctors said it was going strong! It was, um, mostly just exhaustion, they think? Like, the burn wounds could’ve killed him on their own, sure, but they got on those quick enough that if he’d been healthy to begin with he probably wouldn’t have been so bad off? But between ten years of, you know…and just, apparently he hasn’t been eating enough even while he’s been back with us? And Ray’s gonna get on his ass about that, but, just—look, the thing is, Dirk doesn’t know about this yet, and Aunt Ray’s asked that we try to keep it that way, and I don’t really get why but I think she has her reasons?”

Karkat was definitely hyperventilating, oh fuck, oh fuck—Ramona’s hand reached back to touch his own, snapping him out of it.

“It’s fine to be worried,” she said, gentle. “I promise you, though, it is as Roxy says: he’ll be fine given time to recover and the safety with which to do so. He’ll be alive when we get there.” She sat back in her chair, turning towards the road again. “As for Dirk, I suspect Rachel is waiting for things to settle down before breaking it to him gently. He is, for better or worse, very like his father, and Derek handled his brother’s death poorly, in large part because at the time we could not afford to mourn. Rachel probably wants to make sure that Dirk does not feel he has to force himself to be strong when she tells him.”

“Makes sense, I guess,” Roxy muttered. “Anyway, the main thing about that is that he’s not got a lot of energy right now, so don’t…take it personally if he just falls asleep on you sometimes? Especially with the painkillers he’s on, apparently that’s a side effect, too. He can walk short distances, but he gets wobbly quick and needs help sometimes, so there’s that too.”

“Fuck,” said Karkat, softly.

The next ten minutes of the ride were carried out in tense silence. This was broken by the radio once again bursting back on and blasting the ass song again, at which point Roxy threatened to pull over and smash the fucking thing to smithereens.

By the time they actually got to the fucking house, Karkat felt like his soul was going to vibrate right out of his fucking body with impatience. They had yet another delay in the form of Terezi’s protection detail—Terezi herself wasn’t there, but some officers were, and they insisted on knowing about any weapons the three of them had as well as names, and went in to check with the family while making them all wait outside by the car. Karkat already had his fucking bag in hand, he was ready to go, but no, they had to go through this tedious procedure! Sure, it was probably a smart move, and when he was feeling a little more sensible he’d be more okay with it as it was the sort of thing that probably would make them all feel a bit safer (especially poor fucking Dave), but right now the were a pain in the ass and he was going to fucking explode!!! If they didn’t!!! Let him get in the fucking hive!!!!!

Rose stepped out as they were still talking to the police, and for the first time in his life Karkat was unspeakably happy to see her. She quickly confirmed to the police that all three of them were in fact expected and trusted by this household, and then gently let Jaspers out of his carrier. The cat immediately yowled and threw himself into her arms, kneading at her shoulders and rubbing his face against hers, and it all would have been super cute if Karkat didn’t have his mind on other fucking things.

“Come on in,” Rose said, nodding towards the door. “Dirk’s on the couch and Dave’s in Mom’s room, as neither of them can handle stairs right now and Dave needs his bandages changed at least twice a day. Karkat, do you—”

She was talking to air. He was already in the fucking door.

And then had to face the fact that he’d never actually been to Rachel’s room. Fuck. Rachel was coming up the hall, though, and a slightly bewildered young human (wait, fuck, that was Dirk, what happened to his hair? It looked so weird hanging down like that instead of spiked up) was sitting on the couch with an Earth husktop on his lap. Roxy pushed in the door with Ramona right behind her, dropped a heavy wheeled bag right next to the door, and immediately launched herself at Dirk, who gave a startled yelp as she did so.

Rachel rested a hand on Karkat’s shoulder as she passed him, rushing up toward Ramona throwing her arms around her shoulders. The two shared a long hug, and Rachel kissed Ramona’s cheek.

“God, I’m so glad you’re here,” Karkat heard Rachel murmur, before Rose tapped his shoulder.

“I was asking if you knew where Mom’s room is,” Rose said.

“Uh.”

“It’s down the hall to the observatory, but you take a left before you get to it. Make sure to make plenty of noise on the way over, Dave gets really jumpy when he’s the only person in that room. He can’t block the door since we need to be able to come in and out, and it’s got him a bit on edge.”

Karkat nodded, unable to get any words out past the lump in his throat. He more or less just dropped his bag on the ground and pushed past, zooming around toward the room indicated. Dave looked half-asleep when Karkat pushed the door open, and waved as he sat up with some effort.

God, the photo Rose had taken didn’t do justice to how fucking bad he looked. There were bruises across his face and neck turned a weird greenish-gray but still dark against his skin, and bandages everywhere, his hair was a mess (although that might have just been from sleeping). He was in some oversized shirt with an Earth hoofbeast on the front that was probably Dirk’s judging by the size, and Karkat had no idea why Dave had it on but right now he didn’t care.

“Hey, man, uh. Shit’s been crazy, huh?” Dave said with an awkward grin. He didn’t have his shades on either, which made sense if he’d been sleeping, except they weren’t on the bedside table (which did instead contain a nearly empty glass of water, several bottles of pills and salves, and a first aid kit from which clean cloth bandages overflowed).

Two weeks of emotion boiled over all at once. Wordless, Karkat stomped across the room and grabbed Dave’s stupid fucking shirt in both hands and tugged him close.

“It was three days, Dave,” Karkat hissed.

“Wha—?”

“Three days! And you got yourself fucking kidnapped by a terrorist on day goddamn two!! What the fuck, Dave?!” His voice was threatening to abandon him, but Karkat forced it right back into place by sheer willpower. This tangent would not be fucking stopped, hell no. “I take my eyes off of you for two days, and you get yourself into shit again! What the fuck!!! Do you have any idea how-how fucking agonizing it’s been waiting for news?! And you’re just sitting there like ‘Oh, hey! What’s up?’ What’s up is my foot up your waste chute, you hopeless fucking—!” Okay, nope, his voice was leaving after all, actually. He felt tears roll down his face, and he should’ve been more worried about that, but Dave already knew about his blood color and he was the only troll in the house right now, so, fuck it, fuck it all! Helpless, he tugged Dave closer again, letting his face press against that stupid shirt, claws still twisted into the fabric as he sobbed.

“Holy shit,” Dave muttered.

“I was so fucking scared,” Karkat gasped. This was pathetic, they weren’t remotely a couple, Karkat had no right to be this worked up and he knew it, but…Dave wasn’t exactly pushing him away, either, was he?

“I’m sorry, man, I didn’t even…It wasn’t planned this time, it just sorta happened, and Dirk got hurt, and I…”

“I’m not actually angry at you, despite having so much right to be that legislacerators everywhere have preemptively declared me innocent. I’m just fucking screaming for the sake of it, dumbass.”

“Oh.”

The awkward pause that followed was filled with only the sound of Karkat’s weeping, which, fuck, he was probably too fucking embarrassed to tell him off. Except…Dave’s hand lifted up to rest gently against Karkat’s back, so, maybe he didn’t mind that much? Was that wishful thinking?

“Sorry for this,” he said, just in case, as he pulled away a bit. “It’s really fucking embarrassing, I know, I just…”

“It’s cool, man,” said Dave. Then, with a wink, he said, “I know you got your massive Strider homocrush, it’s only natural—”

“Dave, I swear to fuck, injured or not, I will pummel you into dust with a fucking pillow, don’t test me!” Karkat snapped.

Dave snorted. “Hey, man, it’s fine, everyone’s allowed to be a lil gay sometimes with their friends, it’s only natural.”

“I’ll ‘natural’ you!! Motherfucker, I spent the two weeks worrying about your wellbeing and you come at me with more of this bullshit!!”

Dave cackled with laughter. Karkat rolled his eyes and sniffled. He feigned annoyance as best he could, but, God, it was such a relief to hear Dave laugh. Rubbing a sweater sleeve furiously across his eyes, Karkat pulled back, sitting awkwardly on the edge of the bed. “Okay, but seriously, what’s with the shirt?” he asked, gesturing at the floating head of the hoofbeast. It wasn’t even a joke or a drawing. It was just…a straight photo of a hoofbeast’s face, with no text or explanation of any sort. What the fuck??

Dave glanced down, and snickered. “Oh, shit. Uh, yeah, we needed something that’s easy to get me in and out of, since the bandages on this fuckin’ burn need to be changed like, a lot, not to mention the gross-ass cream they have us slathering all over it on the regular. We tried a button down, but the buttons were kinda chafing, and like…who the fuck wants to ruin a fancy shirt with gross burn juices, right? And Dirk’s shit is more comfortable, and this one’s big enough that it’s real easy to take off even if I’m high on the damn painkillers.”

Karkat winced slightly, but decided not to comment. The scream from the video echoed somewhere in his think pan. “Where’re your shades?”

“Bro fuckin’ stepped on them or something, man, I dunno. They fell off at some point, and they were already cracked before all that, and Terezi just found pieces. Which fucking sucks, I mean God dammit, those were a gift from John. Shit sucks.”

“John?” Karkat tipped his head.

“Yeah, he’s like, an old friend of mine. Have I not mentioned him to you? Whatever, he, uh.” Dave scratched at the side of his head. “He was an online friend from before Bro started doing the, uh, raid shit, and I kept talking to him and another friend, Jade, for a while afterwards even though I wasn’t supposed to?”

“Jade’s name I remember,” Karkat said.

“Haha, yeah, yeah cuz I told you about…anyway.” He cleared his throat. “I guess since Dirk’s college is starting up again soon, not that he’s going for the first couple weeks with his leg and a fucking concussion, but, it’s starting up, and John’s sister goes there too, and he’s gonna come with so we’ll be able to hang out for a bit? Which is fuckin’ rad, I haven’t even talked to the guy in three years and we’re finally meeting in person.”

“You want him to be here? While you’re this badly injured?” Karkat yelped.

Dave blinked at him like he’d just grown a secondary head.

“I mean, yeah?” Dave said. “Like, yeah, I’m not in great shape and I guess it’ll be a lil weird for him to see me like this, but I’ve missed him.” Before Karkat could press the question further, though, Dave yawned. “Ugh, fuck, I wanna keep talking, but I’m…halfway to falling asleep, shit.”

“Oh,” said Karkat. He got up, ready to leave. He wanted to stay, wanted to curl himself around Dave’s obnoxiously lanky frame as best he could and protect this fragile idiot human from the entire universe, but…it wasn’t his place, was it? No.

“You leaving?” said Dave, rubbing at his unbruised eye.

“You said you wanna sleep,” Karkat said.

“Right. Uh. Could you, like…fill this back up for me, then, I guess?” Dave said.

“…Sure,” said Karkat.

He was…still confused, but Dave was tired, so he didn’t press. But he couldn’t wrap his head around wanting a friend around while he was so injured—well, he’d wanted Karkat around, hadn’t he? He’d seemed happy to see him, aside from the, uh, yelling. Still, it didn’t make sense! Every troll knew as a small child that the only people you could trust when you were injured were your lusus, your moirail, and maybe your matesprit! Anyone else might take advantage of the weakness and kill you, that was just basic logic! But Dave didn’t even seem to be thinking about it.

And…and yet, come to think of it, Roxy’d been awfully forthright about how bad Dave’s condition was. Hell, she’d heard it from Rose, who seemed like the one most likely to know not to spread that weakness, but the humans were all sharing it and passing it around. It wasn’t just that they didn’t seem to care who knew that Dave and Dirk were injured, it was like they wanted people to know.

And as he filled up the glass of water in the kitchen, he watched as Roxy and Dirk talked on the couch, as Dirk told her that he’d passed on the news of their condition to Jane already, that Rose had told her and Dave’s friends, and it just kept going. Everyone had to be up to date on the fact that both brothers were injured and vulnerable, and yet…

“I hope the flight wasn’t too long,” Rachel was saying to Ramona.

“Nothing would be too long right now,” she said in turn, blowing gently on a cup of tea that Rachel had just poured her. “Times like these, we all need to do our part. I know I might not be able to do much, mind you. My leg’s been acting up something fierce, as of late, but I’ll do whatever I can.”

Something clicked. All at once, the curtains pulled back and Karkat saw the whole picture—saw maybe not what it always was, and certainly not what the Lalondes achieved on any sort of regular basis, but what it was supposed to be, how it was meant to work.

On Alternia, everyone lived in constant competition. Trolls had to be strong as close to all the time as they possibly could, or at the very least find a moirail who could, because otherwise their society wouldn’t particularly care much if they died. That just meant they didn’t deserve to be a part of the gene pool or to contribute to society. If they were injured badly and left vulnerable, it was seen as normal for others to take advantage of that weakness and exert power or outright kill a rival. It was how they survived so long, or so the cultural narrative had so long stated: by this competition, the strongest survive. Nevermind that this survival was built on the corpses of uncountable trolls who didn’t make the cut, it Worked.

As a result, trolls had been bewildered just as Karkat had by how humans as a species managed to be so frail and yet so reckless and to still survive, especially when they didn’t exactly have the kind of numbers that trolls did. Humans lacked the numbers to be expendable, lacked the strength and toughness that kept Trolls alive, and yet they looked Death in the eye and pointed and laughed, and pushed themselves to extremes for no purpose other than to have some warped idea of fun. It was a question that had lingered around his consciousness for ages; how the fuck do humans even work as a species? How had such a seemingly doomed race not died off yet?

The answer that hit him now, as he watched Roxy help Dirk stand up and balance himself on a pair of crutches, was that humans didn’t have to be strong all the time, and that was the magic of their little social units, their families—they took care of each other. No one person had to be good at everything, or so good at one thing that it could keep them safe in any situation. It didn’t matter that their skin was thin or that they weren’t particularly strong or fast, they always, always had others around who would pick up the slack, others who would come even across oceans to offer what aid they could in times of strife; they weaved together all their strengths and weaknesses into a fabric able to withstand just about anything. Fuck, no wonder they’d wanted Dave back so badly. The Lalondes may have been less a tapestry and more a patchwork quilt, but it was still their quilt, and Dave was a part of it….

He felt a near-agonizing pang of envy that he didn’t have a quilt of his own. Humans might have been stupid about a lot of things, but this…this they’d gotten right.  

“Fucking water? Is that really the best you could think of? Fucking dumbass,” Dave muttered to himself. God. This was stupid. This was all really fucking stupid. He couldn’t even deal with being alone while he was asleep, for Chrissakes! Too scared of nightmares of a big mean dog, like some fuckin’ little kid.

Yeah, he was tired, but he really, really didn’t wanna be alone right now, was the thing. Not with that fucking troll-drug-induced nightmare lingering around the edges, waiting to chase him down again at its first chance. But. Like. Karkat was kind of right? Bros don’t watch each other sleep, that’s fuckin’ creepy. Like. Okay, so maybe they’d done a bit of that way back when Karkat had been kidnapped, but they didn’t have a choice back then, and anyways they mostly slept at the same time during that experience, which was super different from just asking his best alien friend to fuckin’ hold his hand so the  bad dreams wouldn’t get him. Fuck.

So he’d asked Karkat to refill his glass, even though he wasn’t thirsty right now, because it was an excuse to make Karkat come back, at least for a few more minutes, and they could talk for a bit, and maybe Dave’d stop being tired, wouldn’t that be rad.

Karkat came back in looking really thoughtful. He handed the glass over, and Dave took a sip to try and look like he hadn’t been 100% bullshitting there, and mumbled a thanks as he set it down. Then, just as a thought, he jerked his head toward the rest of the bed—it was a big king-sized one, probably left over from before the divorce and Mom had just never downsized or whatever, so there was a lot of space to Dave’s right—and told Karkat he could sit down if he wanted, Dave wasn’t gonna, like, pass out right this minute or anything, haha.

Karkat stayed quiet, which was fuckin’ weird, but he did sit down. He stared at the sheets for a minute, and then spoke up suddenly, saying, “I think I get it.”

“Get what?” said Dave.

“Why they wanted you back so bad,” said Karkat. “I mean, way back when you were first arrested. I kind of fought with Dirk over it at one point, because my only experience with the word Dirk used for why you should be with him was fucking Strider. And also I think I get why this shit all works, for humans in general. I mean, I’m probably just saying obvious shit, but it’s not how trolls work, we don’t take care of each other, not like this.”

Dave tipped his head.

“I mean with the whole fucking family thing,” Karkat said, rolling his eyes. “I’ve been trying to get it this whole time, but this shit’s used to justify so much bullshit with you humans, and I think I get it now, and why it’s so fucking important to you as a species.”

Dave snorted. “Dude, it’s not that big a thing—”

“It is, though! It just seems normal to humans because it’s how you always work, but, Dave, I’m serious, back on Alternia it’s every troll for themself. Maybe you  have one person who has your back if you’ve got a moirail, maybe some are lucky like me and have friends who are actually consistently on your side and won’t take the first chance they get to kill you or fuck you up some other way, but we definitely don’t have a whole cluster of others we can just fall back on any time we’re met with something we can’t handle alone.”

“Makes sense, I guess,” Dave started, but Karkat just kept going. Apparently he’d had some sort of fuckin’ epiphany in the past two minutes.

“It took me so fucking long to get this, but I get it now! You know what I don’t get, though, is why the fuck you ever tried to convince me that Strider is part of your fucking family.”

Something in Dave dropped like a stone.

He’d…had a similar thought, really. Repeatedly. Multiple times, over the past week or so. He’d been kind of trying to avoid it, because every time it popped up, he got really stressed out.

“And don’t give me any of the bullshit about being ‘related’ or what the fuck ever, I don’t wanna hear it,” Karkat kept right on going. “I still don’t get why you humans care so much about that. The whole point of this family thing is that you all take care of each other, not that you’re related or whatever! Your aunt’s here, did you know that? She flew across an entire fucking ocean just to make sure she could help out you and Dirk! What the fuck did Strider ever do for you?”

It was a good question. And the answer, of course, was: aside from trying to  kill him, do you mean? Hahaha.

Karkat was still talking, but Dave wasn’t really hearing him. Fuck, this had been a mistake, he should’ve taken his chances with the fucking nightmare dog. That was better than this old song and dance with his own thoughts.

The facts were pretty simple. He’d operated under pretty clear logic when he went up against Bro: We’re family, so he loves me, so therefore if I ask him to let me leave and explain that I really can’t deal with this, he’ll let me go. Except, Bro had tried to kill him, which meant that…

That was as far as Dave ever got. He couldn’t think any farther than that.

He felt like…like the next thought should be obvious, but he couldn’t make himself think it. It was too big—not so much a square peg in a round hole as it was trying to cram a grain silo into a pinhole, and the thought threatened to overwhelm and destroy him, so instead of thinking it, his brain kept rejecting it, the effect being like a broken record skip-skip-skipping, over and over, repeating the last thought he could get to before the Big One, because he couldn’t not think the Big One, either…

It was so fucking stupid, it was just a thought, why couldn’t he…

“Hah, yeah, now that you mention it, I guess I was always kinda wrong about this shit, wasn’t I?” Dave said, unable to stop the sardonic laughter bubbling up in his throat. “I mean, fuck, no wonder it took you so long to get, I probably gave you the wrong idea. My dumb ass was convinced he’d never try to kill me, cuz we’re family, and, well, here we fuckin’ are!”

Skip, skip, skip—

Karkat was still talking in stuttered phrases in the gaps of Dave’s own flood of words, looking almost scared, but Dave didn’t comprehned any of them, and anyway, the ranting had started, there was no stopping this shit now. “Like, what the fuck was I even thinking, right? I really thought that was gonna work, that somehow he’d just let me go if I asked, like a fucking idiot! Haha, what a fuckin’ dipshit, right?! And here I was thinking he—” Frantic laughter bubbled up, overtaking the words, not that more would’ve come, that next thought was just too big. Was he crying? Fuck, Karkat didn’t need to see any of this shit, but he couldn’t stop, couldn’t think

Skip, skip, skip, skip, skipskipskipskipskipskip—

It wasn’t Karkat’s fault. It really wasn’t. He might’ve set it off, but the storm had been building up for days, now, and it broke hard, sweeping Dave up in a torrent of just wordless mental screaming. He couldn’t think the next thought. He couldn’t. But the thing was damming him up, and he couldn’t ignore it anymore, and he was stuck in the middle and left to just completely melt down and dissipate into the flood.

A sound like a cicada crossed with the creakiest horror movie door ever to creak ripped through the tides, and suddenly Dave found himself tugged into a full body hug, wrapped up in four limbs with his face pressed into a thick sweater. The touch dragged him out of the flood and onto dry land, brought him back into now before he even knew what was happening. Karkat’s whole chest was vibrating with some intense cricket-cat hybrid purr, and this should’ve been so embarrassing but he was so tired and so lost and it was fucking comforting, so who the fuck cared. Who cared anymore. It was all bullshit. He could be embarrassed later.

Too soon, Karkat seemed to have the same thought, and tried to pull away. “Shit, sorry, I shouldn’t—fuck, I’m so sorry, this is really presumptive and I know you aren’t even into boys,” he babbled.

Dave groaned, wrapping his arms around Karkat’s chest and pulling him close. “Dude, if you try to make this about alien romance right now, I swear to fuck,” he gasped out between harsh sobs. Christ, he was going harder than Karkat did like twenty minutes earlier, what the fuck.

Karkat paused. Good. It meant his warm arms were still there. “Dave, I…I mean, this is troll romance, this is textbook moiraillegience, and I shouldn’t just be throwing myself at you because you had a moment of weakness, no matter how bad I, uh.”

Dave sniffled, wracked his brain for a moment…Karkat had explained this stuff about a million times, which one was…”That’s like…the bros quadrant, right?”

“The what.”

“The one that’s, like, platonic and shit.”

“…Yeah?” The cricket-purr started up again, cautiously.

“We fuckin’ kinda do most of that shit already, don’t we?” Like. Yeah. He wasn’t gay. That was still a thing. But Karkat was warm and solid and real and Dave was fucking exhausted and didn’t want to be alone, especially not when he felt right now like he was wrapped in safety. “Please, Karkat,” he added, because why not beg. He was already at maximum pathetic, there was no digging this hole lower, fuck it. “I really don’t wanna be alone right now, just, please don’t go.”

Karkat was quiet for a long moment, but finally, the cricket-purr went back to full volume and Karkat’s arms tightened around him.

“Okay,” Karkat said quietly. Dave let out a breath he’d barely known he’d been holding and went back to crying.

“We’re going to have to talk about this later,” Karkat murmured, which put him at about normal volume for anyone else.

“Later, then,” said Dave, and let himself finally fall the fuck asleep.

[its8simplejulesblog]

If I Could Quantify and Statistically Plot My Mental Health Over the Past Few Months

It would probably look a lot like this: (I made this quickly, but the proportions are all off it’s bugging my OCD SO much wow) 

Which is saying a lot I think. That one person could be so volatile in such a short amount of time haha. Naturally, quarantine hasn’t helped, and each day is a new challenge, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that this is pretty much normal. We all go through it. So, I’ve experimented with a few things that make my day to day life just a litttttle bit better. Being stuck at home really limits the things you can do to combat depression, but in the end, it’s the little things that count right :) I recognize that the things I mention here may not be beneficial to everyone, but this is just what helps me to be a little bit happier, healthier, and motivated until this is all over. 

This is kind of what a normal quarantine day looks like but all of these things apply in my normal life too, I just have a lot more going on on those days in between.

Frankly, having a set sleep schedule is a goal of mine, and I’ve set nighttime AND morning alarms, but I don’t think that one is going to happen for a little while now. Anyway,

1.) At the beginning of each day when I wake up I like to turn my phone on and use this daily affirmations app. It’s an app that makes you record yourself saying something good about yourself and honestly it’s weird because I hate hearing my recorder voice, but we’re giving it a shot. Also I make my bed. It’s something that inspires me to be productive and I’ve noticed that when I’m in a cleaner space I’m calmer. I think that making my bed, in a weird way, makes me more excited to sleep later too. While I’m doing that, because I listen to music ALWAYS, I like to listen to something that’s decently upbeat and positive. Don’t get me wrong, I like rap as much as the next person, but if I’m trying to start off the day well, then I don’t instantly want to be in the “fuck you” mentality. I’ll either listen to Surfaces “Good Day” or some classic rock like “Don’t Bring Me Down” by ELO (does that count as classic rock?? idk) or “Sunflower” by Rex Orange County. Anyway, a huge thing to make me feel better in any situation, especially the mornings, is to just dance around my room and be stupid. 

2.) After that, food is always on my mind. I mentioned earlier that I like using Lifesum. This is an app that tracks your calories and nutrients and such. When I tell you that I used to eat whatever I wanted, I really ate WHATEVER I wanted and ended up feeling like garbage mid-way through the day. I can confidently say that tracking my food has made me feel so much better. I eat a lot of fiber bars and bananas for breakfast. The fiber bars taste like a chocolate bar but they’re good for you! Sounds fake. With that being said, the things you eat greatly affect your mood. Just doing simple things to take care of your body will make you feel invincible though. It has made me a lot more confident in myself. 

3.) Along with number 2, I drink a lot of lemon water. Probably about 6 cups a day, which isn’t nearly enough, but we’re getting there. I’m weird and I think that water tastes weird or not as good on its own, so my parents are now used to getting lemons for our water (so high maintenance). Everyone knows that drinking water more than anything else is good for you, but I like to add lemon because the vitamin C is good for fighting viruses, the antioxidants make your skin glow, and it’s a good cleanse for your body. Also, I really like sour things so I just eat the lemon after I take it out of the water (again, freak) 

4.) I like to split my quarantine days into sections. When I wake up, for a few hours, the first thing I do is some homework and research. I always have homework that I can go ahead on, so I prioritize things that have to be turned in and do that first, then I do more static items like studying for exams coming up or going ahead in future readings. I also do research with CRESP and the project we are working on is a group effort, but we can do individual work on our own time so I’ll do this now too. Around this time also, I like to watch some sort of educational video on something that I’m interested in. I’ve built Chinese into my everyday routine, because I’m tutored in it now so I’m a little bit more motivated to keep up with it, but I also really like crash course sociology or financial videos on youtube (cause I’m a scrooge)..really anything that is a real life/ technical skill that I wouldn’t have really spent time on if I weren’t stuck in quarantine. 

*Along with this step, I always make a little office in my kitchen. I’m a big planner girl so I can see everything written out in front of me and cross it off and I have an obnoxious blue file folder that I keep all my school papers in. I encourage you to not work in your room because if you’re anything like me, you’ll fall asleep* Look like this 

I also eat lunch somewhere in there 

5.) After I do something to exercise my brain, I like to exercise my body. Working out has always been one of my favorite coping mechanisms. I’ve always felt so good after working out. It was harder to find time to do it at school because of how busy I was, but now I have zipadee doo dah of an excuse not to, so here we are. Personally, I love love LOVE nature and being outside. I love going on walks and listening to music and...looking at trees idk. For me though, my exercise of choice is cardio/running and I prefer not to run outside. Because of that, I’ll only take walks outside and do my actual workout in the house. I usually run/walk uphill on the treadmill and then I’l do crunches and leg lifts and planks and yoga. I switch it up a little bit each time though. 

Some of my favorite songs for working out: “Fake ID” by Riton, Kah-Lo, “Physical” by Dua Lipa, “Fool” by Fitz and the Tantrums, and “Life Itself” by Glass Animals (there are a lot more though) 

Dinner time, yeehaw 

6.) After this, I can do something fun. Usually I’ll spend time with my family or watching a movie or youtube videos or reading a book or singing or dancing or playing video games or on social media or talking to friends or playing my flute or photography or learning the ukulele or jamming my thoughts into this blog. I also continuously joked that I was going to learn knitting while I was at school so maybe I’ll try that. 

I realize that it’s a lot of people’s preference to just do #6 all day, but personally I’m stressed out more when I don’t do anything productive, so that’s why doing a mixture of things works better for me. 

Here are a few other random tips

- I like to wipe my phone and computer down frequently because of corona, but also because it’s another thing that calms me down (apparently I’m very wound up)

-Don’t force conversations with people. I understand that we’re all trapped in quarantine and “If they aren’t talking to me NOW, then they must really hate me.” Relax, just focus on something else. The worst feeling is when you know that someone isn’t interested in what you’re saying. Do I still send streaks? Of course, but in terms of actual conversations, I’m only invested in the ones that are invested in me. It’s made me a lot happier. 

- Go outside when the weather is nice! Seasonal depression is such a real thing. Whenever it’s even remotely nice I like to take all of my work or the book I’m reading outside instead. 

In the end, take this time to focus on yourself. We better all come out of this looking fine as hell and being confident and smarter than ever before. We have all the time in the world now to become the best versions of ourselves. Love you guys 

-Julia 

[ineffablesuffering]

Many Of Horror |j.l| Chapter 1

So, I put this on wattpad but kinda neglected it, but maybe id be more likely to keep updating on this idk

ANWAY

This is my John Lennon fanfic based on this song here.

@queen-mercury-may

Prompt: Your genius friend created a time machine out of an old iPod. How it works is simple. You play a song and you’re immediately transported to the time and place that song was recorded. With a library of over 10,000 songs. You just accidentally hit “Shuffle.”

“Come on, when have my calculations ever been wrong?” My best friend Kirsty Adams told me.

“Well…”

“Shut up, that was one time!”

“You exploded your car K!” I told her.

“That was one time. This won’t explode on you, I promise.” She said, handing me the iPod.

“How do you know this even works?” I began, “Time travel is impossible!”

“I don’t know if it works. You’re gonna be the one to test it!” She said with a grin on her face. Oh, for the love of God.

“So, I’m your guinea pig?”

“Yes! Exactly.” She said excitedly, bobbing up and down on my desk chair. I rolled my eyes at her.

“What do I get out of this? Other than being transported to god knows where.” I mused.

“Um, to meet John Lennon?” She said hopefully. Damn. That sounded good. I mean of course I was 100% aware of what he was like as a person, but I couldn’t deny his talent or indeed his amazing good looks. I mean, like damn.

“Fine. Fine! I’ll try it.” I said, giving in, “but if this blows up on me, I swear to god!”

“It won’t. I promise you!” She squealed, she paused “Just don’t break it, you might not be able to come back if you do.”

“Oh no. What would I ever do? Stuck in the 60’s with The Beatles. God, I don’t know what I would ever do.” I said sarcastically.

“Just please be careful.” She whispered. I sighed and held her hand. “I’ll be just fine, Kirst.” She stretched over from where she was sitting and hugged me tightly before letting go.

“Right try it, and don’t worry about money everything gets transferred. Also, when you get there, you are dropped outside a house to stay in whilst you are there. Outfit’s also change too, so you don’t look like a sore thumb.”

“Wow. You really thought this through.” I pointed out.

“Aye, obviously. Right, go. I need to see if this works.” I looked down at the iPod in my hands. What if it worked. Oh God. My hands began to shake as I was about to select a song, but they were so shaky that I accidentally pressed shuffle. Fuck.

The next thing I knew I was standing in the middle of the pavement. I looked down at the iPod that still in my hand, it was the most modern thing around here, almost futuristic. I pressed the button in the middle to see where this thing had taken me. ‘And I Love Her’ it read. Oh. Oh! I’m in London - 1964! The weather makes it seem like February, there was a slight nip in the air. I looked down to my new outfit. I was wearing overalls with a white top. I looked a bit like I was in Dexy’s Midnight Runners. I began to think how lucky I was to have shuffle select that song. I could have ended up back in the 1800’s with Beethoven, which would have been an entirely different experience. 1964 wow. This means I could meet John Lennon, and tell him what an inspiration he has been to me and maybe kick him in the balls for being a dick. I glance up and see a young man running towards me. He stopped right in front of me and placed his hands on his knees panting heavily. I look at him for a second, the mop top giving him away. Holy shit. Keep calm Charlotte. I quickly put the iPod in my front pocket. He looked behind him and saw a crowd running towards him. He suddenly grabbed my hand and said,

“Run!” He flew off, dragging me behind him, almost tearing my arm out its socket. We darted around a corner and he pulled me into his chest as the crowd ran by. He took a step back adjusting himself before he spoke. “Sorry about that love,” his accent was so much more predominant than I was familiar with, “can’t go anywhere these days.” He said with a small smile. “What’s your name? I assume you already know who I am.” He said smugly, eye’s shining. I rolled my eyes.

“Very modest of you, Mr McCartney, but you assume well. Charlotte Rigby, but most people just call me, Lottie.” I said stretching my hand out for him to shake, but instead, he brought it to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to my knuckles. My cheeks burned and I had to remind myself that this man was a charmer, and treated women with very little respect, but how many women in my day and age, can say that Paul McCartney kissed their hand? He smiled cheekily at me.

“I like you Lottie,” he said, “Where are you from?”

“Edinburgh”

“What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

“I have you to thank for that Mr McCartney, you are the one who dragged me into this alley.” Paul laughed. Who knew a laugh could be so attractive?

“Call me Paul, Mr McCartney is my dad.”

“Okay then,” I said “Paul.” He smiled at me before he peaked out around the corner, cautious of being spotted again. “Look, we’ll go back to mine and we’ll find something you can wear to disguise yourself.” I said to him.

“Really?”

“Sure! Why not? You could always use a little help from your friends.” I said, daring to quote some of his later work.

“You are amazing love!”

“Let’s go, keep your head down and take my hand.” I said, taking his hand and quickly walking back down the street we came down from. As we were walking, I realised that Kirsty’s iPod worked. Wait. Kirsty’s iPod! I felt my pockets and it was there. Oh, thank fuck! We kept on walking until we reached what seemed to be my new house. My subconscious told me that there was a key under the welcome mat, I checked and there was. Wow, Kirsty had really thought of everything. I unlocked the door and quickly ushered Paul inside. I looked behind me to make sure no one had seen Paul before I stepped inside, closing the door behind me. “Feel free to make yourself at home.” I smiled, he returned the smile before heading into what I presumed was the living-room. I went up the stairs, gravitating towards the first room on the right. I opened the door and walked in. I took a deep breath. Paul McCartney was in my house. James. Paul. McCartney. Holy mother of God. I had to keep my cool. I walked over to my wardrobe and flicked through. How I loved sixties fashion. I had numerous pairs of jeans, full length and cropped, there was also loads of floral-patterned tops and dresses that weren’t really my 2017 style of dark colours. But for the 60’s: I was willing to make that sacrifice. There was also a long, camel brown trench coat. Suddenly an idea popped into my head. Hairspray. I smirked to myself, grabbing the coat, one of the multiple scarfs and a pair of sunglasses. “Paul?” I shouted

“Yeah?”

“Come up here! I have something for you.” I heard him coming up the stairs before poking his head around the door. “Come in and stand by the bed. Close your eyes.” He did as he was told. I took the coat off its hanger and helped him into it. I slipped the sunglasses onto his face, moving his hair out of the way and tied the scarf around his head. “Ok, I’m going to walk you forward to in front of the mirror okay?” Once in front of the mirror “Okay. Open.” He opened his eyes. “Paul McCartney, meet Paula McCartney.” I laughed. It was simple, but it worked.

“Paula?” He laughed

“Paula.” I confirmed.

“You think this will work?” He asked, taking off the glasses.

“Honey, I know it will work.”

“Well, if you are sure.”

“I am.” I nodded “Where do you need to be anyway?”

“Studio. John’s gonna kill me,” He said going over to the window and glancing out of it, “I really should get going.”

“We can’t have a dead Beatle, now can we?” I almost laughed.

“No, we can’t.” He smiled at me walking to the bedroom door, putting the sunglasses back on. “You coming?”

“What?”

“Are you coming or not? You can’t let lil’ old Paula McCartney walk the streets herself. Plus, John might not kill me with a pretty girl around.” He winked at me and I just laughed. It was hard to take him seriously the way he was dressed, and there was no way I was letting a chance to watch the Beatles in a session!

“Sure, why not,” I said, “Little old Paula could use the help.”

“Gear! Come let’s go.” He said taking my hand and dragging me out the house. I quickly lock the door and placed the key in my front pocket. Paul took my arm and we set off for the Studio

“So how old are you love?”

“I’m 17,” I paused and remembered the date, “It’s actually my birthday soon.”

“Really? Well, we’ll have to do something!” He said excitedly

“No, no it’s not necessary. I’m sure you’re busy with something.”

“Yeah, well that doesn’t matter. We’ll take you out for lunch!”

“Well, only if you’re sure, I don’t want to be intruding.” I said to him sincerely, but on the inside, I was screaming. He wanted to take me out for lunch? Well okay then.

The walk to the studio was nice. We talked about this that and the next thing, and just generally had a nice time. I had to admit, that I did enjoy his company more than I thought I would. As we neared the studio, I began to think that I was going to see Abbey Road, without all the tourists which was another reason I am thankful for that iPod. I asked Paul “Earlier today when you were getting chased, is it like that everywhere you go?”

“Yeah,” he started, “sometimes I miss it being quiet you know?” I smiled softly at him

“I bet you do, though it has to come with some perks you know? Girls screaming your name.”

“I’m already used to that.” He said wiggling his eyebrows, which could just be seen from the top of his glasses, and I gave him a playful slap and giggled. We reached the studio and I was almost blown away by sheer excitement, but I had to keep my wits. It was so surreal, I had the urge to walk across it and get my photo taken, but it was a few years too early for that. We headed through the main doors into a reception area where Paul stripped off his disguise and hung it up on the coat hook.

“You know, I can’t believe that actually worked!” exclaimed Paul, I just laughed.

“Do you really have that little faith in me, Mr McCartney?” I said with fake offence laced throughout my voice.

“Miss Rigby, I have all the faith in the world in you.” He retorted, opening the door to the room where they would be recording, he bowed as I walked by and I turned to courtesy dramatically, pretending to hold out my non-existent skirt.

“Why thankyou kind sir.” I said in an overly posh voice.

“I am most honoured.” He said in the same accent as me. We stopped, looked at each other then we burst out laughing walking into the room together. I wiped my tears of laughter away and took a glance at my surroundings. John was stood in the middle of the room with his arms crossed, George was sat lightly strumming his guitar with a cup of tea sat next to him and Ringo was. Well, he wasn’t there.

“Paul, where the hell have you been?” John said bitterly.

“Fans.” He replied simply, picking up his bass and tuning it.

“And who’s the bird?” John said turning his attention to me

“I think you’ll find Mr Lennon, that I don’t have wings or a beak, so if you could refrain from calling me a bird that would be lovely.” I said. Paul sniggered from behind John and George let out a chuckle from where he was sitting. “Charlotte Rigby, but most people call me Lottie.” I said offering my hand to him. John stood a bit shocked that I had spoken to him like that, but he shook my hand anyway.

“John Lennon.” He muttered

“Oh, I am aware.” I smirked at him before taking a seat next to Paul. A sense of achievement washed over me, I just talked back to John Lennon. Paul smiled at me.

“So, what are we recording today?” I asked innocently, already knowing the answer.

“Oh, just a few bits and bobs. We have a song called ‘And I Love Her.’”

“Oh! I can’t wait to hear it! I can tell I’m going to love it already!” I said enthusiastically. Paul smiled at me again.

“I hope you will.” He replied. The door opened and in walked Ringo, a tray of tea in his hands and a cigarette hanging from his lips. Adorable.

“Here, let me take that.” I sprung to my feet, taking the tray out of his hands.

“Look, the birds taller than you Ritchie!” John’s voice rang throughout the studio.

“Shut it Lennon.” I snapped. George sniggered and Paul burst into a guffaw. I turned my attention back to a very shocked Ringo. I balanced the tray in one hand, offering him my other “Charlotte Rigby, but most people call me Lottie.” Ringo shook my hand

“Richard Starkey, but everyone calls me Ringo.”

“The pleasure is all mine.” I smiled, it really was all mine. I sat the tray down on a small table to the left of me. The room fell silent, though I knew I was the reason why. I knew that prior to this point, the studio was a man’s environment, there was no sign of Yoko just yet and I couldn’t change that. No, I couldn’t change that. That was history, that was one of the reasons for the end and right now, was only the beginning. I couldn’t interfere with that. I had to be careful whilst I was here. There were so many things that I could accidentally change. I let out a small cough. “Well, I guess I should be leaving then,” I said sadly. I really wanted to see them record but I couldn’t change history. “It was nice meeting you all.”

“Do you really have to go?” Paul wined, standing up coming over to me.

“Yes, she does.” John added, rather harshly.

“Oi, no need to be mean John.” George said, it was the first time I had heard him speak today. I loved his voice, it was so calming.

“It’s fine George, this is a man’s world after all,” I said flashing him a tight smile, before turning my attention back to Paul. “Plus, I don’t want to interfere.” Paul smiled sadly, nodding his head.

“I understand.”

“It was lovely to meet you though.” I said to him.

“And you. Thank you for helping me.”

“Not a problem.” I told him making my way out of the door. “Bye Ringo, Bye George, Bye Paul,” I said addressing each of them. “John.”

I left the studio with my hands in my pockets. Once I was in the safe proximity of the outside world, I let out a shaky sigh before hopping down the stairs. The experience was surreal. I met John and George. They were alive. I started making my way along the streets of London where I came from. Reaching my new house, I unlocked the door and stepped inside. I couldn’t believe the iPod fucking worked. I started chuckling to myself and soon, I was almost on the floor because I was laughing so hard. It actually worked, and now I was going delirious. I collapsed to the floor in my laughing fit, tears streaming down my face. Who knew how long I was sitting there.

Once I had calmed down I thought it might be best to check out the house that I was living in. I looked up to be greeted with the sight that I noticed when I entered the house for the first time. The carpet was a light caramel, plain and simple and continued up the stairs to where the bedroom was. There was a door right in front of me, and to my left an open door which made me believe that that was the living room. I went to the closed door first. Pulling it open I was greeted with a bathroom. Nice, I thought to myself, that might come in handy. I laughed at my own joke. I walked into the living room. The carpet was all weirdly designed in all these different colours and shapes. The walls were white and had a yellow accent wall. There was a glass door which led into the Kitchen. I headed back up the stairs and opened the other doors. A spare bedroom, an extra bathroom and storage.

I headed back to my new room to study it further. Apart from the wardrobe and mirror that I had already seen, there was a Vanity table underneath the window which faced the streets. Beside that was a record player on top of a set of cupboards. I knelt and opened the cupboards and gasped. In front of me was pile upon pile of records, from Johnny Cash to Vera Lynn, from Little Richard to Frank Sinatra and everything in between. There was a feeling of disappointment in me as there was no Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd but still, I squealed and grabbed ‘I’ve Got You Under My Skin.’ I gently took it out of its sleeve and placed the record onto the turntable before dropping the needle. After a crackle, the smooth Jazz voice of Frank Sinatra flowed out of the system, and into the air around me. I stood up and started swaying to the music that was being produced. I twirled just as the doorbell rang. I quickly stopped and turned off the music. No one knew where I lived. No one but…. Paul! I quickly bounded down the stairs and opened the door to indeed Paul who was standing holding my scarf, jacket and sunglasses that I had completely forgotten about.

“Hello Paul! Please come in.” I smiled stepping aside to let him in.

“Thanks.” He grinned. He came inside, we made our way into the living room after I shut the door. “Oh, here.” He said offering my clothing to me. I said my thanks and took them off him and placed them neatly on the arm of the chair.

“Tea?” I asked

“That would be lovely.”

I opened the kitchen door and beelined for the kettle, I took off the lid before filling it with water and setting it down before flicking the switch. There was a silence between us no one knowing exactly what to say.

“So,” Paul coughed “I want to apologise on behalf of John for his behaviour.” He walked in and leaned up against the worktop

“It’s okay,” I smiled, opening a cupboard and praying to find mugs. I did. “I know people like that, I can handle it.”

“It seemed like it!” He chuckled. “He was silent for the rest of the day! I haven’t seen anyone speak to him like that.”

“Milk? Sugar?” I asked putting a tea bag in each mug, filling it up with the hot water, a smug smile on my face.

“Please.” I took out the tea bag and added milk and sugar “You know, you’re different Lottie.”

“Really? How so?” I said handing him his mug.

“Thanks,” he took a sip “I don’t know, you just seem more how do I put it?”

“More?”

“More independent, more capable.”

“In what sense?” I asked confused. The Beatle took another sip of his tea.

“You don’t need anyone to stick up for you, you handled it pretty well.”

“Thanks. I need to know how to where I’m from.” I said choosing my words carefully. One slip of the tongue and it’s out there. Paul only took a sip from his tea.

“So, how did today go?”

“Great thanks! We got the song recorded, and started on a few other things.” Paul’s eyes twinkled when he talked about music, it was so nice to see how passionate he was about it. “I’m sorry you couldn’t stay.”

“It’s fine.” I sipped my rea. There was another silence. “Oh shit, I left a record on my turntable!” I remembered.

“What record?”

“Frank Sinatra.”

“Oh gear! Mind if I come check it out?”

I shrugged “If you want to.” We sat down our mugs and made our way upstairs to my room Paul clocked the open cupboard and instantly made his way over to it flicking through each individual record, examining it with care. I on the other hand just sat on the bed watching him do so. Paul stood up and replaced the needle to the start of the Frank Sinatra record that I had been playing and before long the sultry sound of I’ve Got You Under My Skin come back on. Paul walked over to where I was sitting and offered his hand. I smiled at him and took it. He took me to the middle of the room and pulled me close to him, I flushed at the contact. He held one of my hands in his and had it pressed on his shoulder, whilst his other hand snuck around my waist. I placed my free hand on his arm. Funnily, I had just noticed that we were the same hight so I could look him directly in the eyes as we danced. We swayed and almost waltzed around my bedroom, Paul twirling me every so often. I laughed and so did he. We played record after record just dancing, neither of us noticing the time or the sky getting gradually darker. We collapsed on my bed slightly out of breath, we looked at each other and just laughed. I could see each other becoming close friends, but I didn’t know how long I was going to be here for. A slight frown appeared on my face and Paul was quick to notice.

“What’s wrong?” he asked

“It’s nothing,” I sighed moving a stray bit of hair from my forehead. “It’s just,” I paused trying to think of the words to say “Will we ever get to meet again? I had a great time today and I don’t want this new-found friendship to go down the drain you know?”

“I know what you mean. I hope that we can meet up again. Maybe I could stop by after I finish up at the studio tomorrow?” He said, sitting up. I sat up too.

“I’d like that,” I smiled “I’ll be sure to have the kettle on.”

Paul laughed, “I look forward to it.”

“You’d best be going then.” I said glancing at the clock, almost 11.

“Yeah, I guess I should.” He sighed standing up. We walked down the stairs and I opened the door for him.

“Tell the boys I said hello.”

“I will do, I’ll see you tomorrow Miss Lottie.” He said pressing another kiss to my hand.

“See you tomorrow Paul.”