#if the surgery is going to be a long and difficult recovery process

[bazoombas]

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CW pet injury ??

No read more because mobile sorry

[kimpossibly]

little spencer reid drabble to get me out of a multi-month writing slump!!

warnings/tags: spencer reid x reader, established/secret relationship, swearing, r uses she/her pronouns

summary: after a situation out in the field leaves y/n temporarily blind, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep a secret.

"Here she is!"

Y/N could practically feel the hush that fell over the room as JJ wheeled her into the office. The thick bandage covering both eyes ensured that she couldn't very well see it. She did her best to give her most realistic Y/N smile to put them at ease. "Are you guys happy to see me or what? You're gonna have to tell me, cause if you didn't notice, I can't really see..."

She heard a few relieved laughs (thank god) and a mutter of "smartass" from Morgan. Suddenly she felt the comforting presence of Penelope beside her as she took one of her hands. "Can I hug you? I just wanna hug you."

Y/N laughed. "You can hug me, Garcia."

With only a little effort, Y/N stood from her wheelchair. Almost instantly she was engulfed by a classic Garcia hug—it was a little less frantic and intense than usual, but that, she assumed, was attributed to her current state of blindness.

Garcia pulled away and there was a moment of tense silence before her Disney princess-like voice asked, "Are you...is it permanent?"

"No," Y/N said with a shake of her head. "The surgery went really well and this is just the standard recovery process. I have weekly check-ups, but other than that, these bandages need to stay for at least a month."

"A month?" Derek repeated from somewhere on her left. "We're not gonna have you in the field for a month?"

"Oh relax, Derek. I'm sure you'll find somebody else to beat in arm wrestling for a bit."

There was a bit of uneasy laughter at that, but the reality was a bit too disheartening for anyone to really be genuine about it. Y/N hadn't taken more than a week off in her time with the BAU, and that was only due to an emergency. She'd be gone for longer than she'd ever been—and without her sight, no less.

"But who's going to take care of you?" Garcia said, sounding a bit like a worried grandmother. "You can't be alone at home all...blind! Do you have someone who can stay with you?"

Before Y/N can answer, Spencer's voice came from somewhere on her right. "I am."

There was another hush, and this time Y/N was almost glad that she couldn't see everyone's faces. She could hear her heart hammering in her chest. JJ was the first to speak following the announcement of this information. "Spence?"

"What? Her grandma can't make it into town and I've done extensive reading on the recovery process for this—"

"But you're just going to go back and forth between your apartment and hers for a month? Isn't that, like, an hour long drive?"

Spence didn't have a quick answer for that, so Y/N finally forced out the truth. "We live together."

Once again, silence. Emily spoke first. "What? Since when?"

"Three months and fourteen days ago," Spencer said. "But we've been together for seven months and eight days."

Now all Y/N could do was plaster on an innocent smile as she stared (hopefully) into space. "Surpriiiiiiiiise."

Then came the uproar. Penelope and JJ shouted questions at the same time, Rossi seemingly swore in Italian, Morgan muttered some kind of threat towards the both of them. Y/N found her head darting left and right as she tried to find some particular sound to focus on. A comforting hand rested on her shoulders and she recognized it instantly as Spencer. She put her hand atop his and waited out the colossal wave of shock and awe from the rest of the team.

"Hey, hey!" Y/N shouted to get their attention. They quieted down and she pursed her lips. "Look, I know you've all been suspecting it anyway—we're just confirming your suspicions! Not that we have much of a choice..."

"Seven months? You kept this from us for seven months!" Garcia exclaimed—not mad, just surprised. Maybe a bit exasperated.

Spencer let out a little laugh. "Hotch knew!"

Y/N practically felt it as all heads turned to Hotch, who just shrugged. "They wanted to keep it a secret."

And then, of course, the screaming was directed at Hotch, who willingly took the brunt of it and began to guide the outraged hoard of co-workers in a different direction. Y/N heard their voices diminish as they followed him towards the other side of the office. She blew out a large breath, laughing in relief. She let her head fall to her hands, running her fingers through her hair. “Should’ve expected that kind of reaction.”

“Why are they so surprised?” Spencer said. She could practically picture the confused knot between his brows. “Garcia and Morgan already had a bet that we were dating.”

“I think it was the whole ‘we’ve been living together for three months’ thing that really got them.”

“Hm. Possibly.”

Y/N looked over her shoulder, tilting her head back in the general direction of where Spencer stood. “Make me a coffee? I would do it myself, but, you know, I can’t see.”

She heard him laugh quietly and felt a little flutter in her stomach. She always felt that way when she made him laugh.

“How long are you going to use that excuse?” he said, already pushing her chair in the direction of the coffee station.

“As long as it applies,” she replied. “Or until I become Matt Murdock and have superhuman coffee-making abilities.”

“Matt Murdock has radar senses.”

“Still probably allows him to make his own coffee.”

They came to a stop and she heard Spencer shuffling around to make coffee.

“Hey,” she said, blindly stretching a hand out.

Within a second, Spencer’s hand found hers. “What do you need?”

She removed her hand away from his, searching all the way up his arm until she found his tie, pulling him in closer. Within an instant her lips caught his in a slightly off-kilter manner—she kissed the corner of his mouth, really. He adjusted quickly despite his surprise at the sudden action. His instincts told him to pull away, to reduce any risk that anyone saw, but there was nothing to hide anymore. So he kissed her back for a brief moment before breaking apart, a small smile on his face.

“What was that for?” he asked, their faces still inches apart.

Y/N just shrugged, a smile on her lips. “I just realized I could do that. So I did.”

He nodded. “Got it.”

She released his tie and let him get back to making coffee, not needing her sight to see the smile on his face.

[steddieas-shegoes]

Requests: Steve adopting an abandoned child post earthquake in Hawkins after the spring break from hell. And him realizing all the ways he was hurt as a child due to his parents neglect. And how he overcomes it and raises his baby-child with gentleness, warmth, patience and love

OKAY GENUINELY I GOT SO CARRIED AWAY WITH THIS PROMPT AND IT STILL WASN'T AS MUCH AS I WANTED TO DO. FAIR WARNING: this is an emotional roller coaster. It ends HAPPY. But there are a lot of sad and bittersweet moments and feelings leading up to that moment. There is the mention of child neglect, and that can be difficult for some people to read, even with a happy ending, so please keep that in mind before starting this. Also, this is not how the law or CPS works at all, and it wasn't in the 80s either, but this is fiction and I do what I want. I hope someone can continue this idea somewhere because it is so special to me now. This is 6200 words of me not knowing how to wrap it up with a bow. I hope you love this my darling, thank you for this one. - Mickala ❤️

----------------------------------------------

Steve spent the last 12 hours pacing the waiting room floor at the hospital. He’d promised the kids he would stay until there was an update on Eddie and Max, and their parents had insisted they go home after they’d been quickly attended to for their minor injuries.

Max was stable, but not awake. They weren’t sure if she ever would be again. Steve passed that on to Nancy so she could call everyone.

Eddie finally made it out of surgery, alive, but barely.

He’d lost a lot of blood and they weren’t able to give him a transfusion until Wayne got there to donate.

It was touch and go for another few hours in recovery.

But things calmed down a bit, his heart rate settling at a normal rate, his oxygen maintaining where it should be with the mask on, the bleeding stopped and his blood regenerating on its own.

He wasn’t awake, but he was alive.

That was enough for Wayne and Hopper to kick him out of the hospital and make him go home.

“Shower. Eat. Sleep. In that order, Harrington,” Hopper said, the gruffness in his voice overruled by the concern.

He was up to speed on everything he missed, and he wasn’t thrilled about how much Steve had put on the line for everyone.

So Steve left, even though he wanted to stay, needed to have eyes on Eddie, on Max.

He had to trust that they were being taken care of.

He made it home, did two of the three things Hopper told him to. His shower was long and hot, finally able to wash away the blood and dirt and Upside Down particles that clung to his skin for the last couple of days. His dinner was quick and unfulfilling, but frozen meals usually are.

And then he did try to sleep. He tried on the couch first, his usual go-to spot after crises. Then he tried to go to his bed, hoping the weight of his comforter would help lull him to sleep.

But two hours later, he was still wide awake.

So he got up, put on jeans and a sweater, and made his way to the school, where emergency services had been set up.

It was chaotic, still very little organization amongst groups. The firefighters had been dispatched all over town, and most medical professionals had been called into the hospital or to help EMTs on calls. A handful of teachers had been put in charge of the check-in process here, making sure anyone who came through was on a list of survivors first, then sent to help where they were needed if they were able.

Steve was able, so he put his name on the list and was told to stand with a group at the far corner of the gym. Everyone in this group was waiting for a dispatch crew of firefighters to come get them to help locate survivors.

They were given vests, gloves, and helmets to wear, and given quick safety briefings. They were told not to move any rubble, that if they suspected someone was under some, to call for the professionals. They were just extra eyes and ears because everyone was stretched too thin for a disaster of this magnitude and help from local towns was slow to arrive.

Steve figured this would help him, if he stayed busy and managed to help people, he wouldn’t think about how helpless he was when it came to Max and Eddie.

The first location they were dropped at was a small neighborhood on the outskirts of town. Most of the homes had been completely demolished, cracks in the ground swallowing pieces of them. If there were any survivors here, they would be in desperate need of medical attention.

But after nearly four hours of searching, only one person was found, their leg trapped under a large wooden beam. The leg was broken, but they were fine other than that.

Steve felt relief that nothing more serious had happened there.

But the second area was worse.

It wasn’t a neighborhood, just a small wooded area surrounding two homes a good distance apart. Surprisingly, the homes were still standing, but everything around them was destroyed. Fires had been only recently extinguished, downed trees and power lines blocking most of the driveway and road in front of them.

“This should be relatively quick, both homes are empty and cars are gone, so we think everyone managed to get out safely, but we do need to be sure,” the firefighter in charge of this group said before leading them forward.

The smaller of the two houses was empty, though a mess, like the occupants had rushed to pack necessities and threw anything else on the ground as they rushed to get out.

The other home, though, was surprisingly clean. Kept up in a way Steve wouldn’t have expected for the panic most people showed while escaping town.

Everyone assumed maybe the occupants hadn’t even been home when the quake hit.

But Steve decided to go upstairs anyway.

Something was telling him this wasn’t normal.

It felt familiar in a way he didn’t want to acknowledge yet.

No one else followed him, all of the volunteers congregating in the living room area to discuss their next location before heading back to the school for a break.

Steve followed his gut, and his gut told him to check the bedroom at the end of the hall.

He opened the door, not surprised to see that nothing seemed strange at first glance.

Then he saw movement out of the corner of his eye, under the bed.

He would’ve checked there anyway, that’s where he would have hidden in this kind of situation, too.

“I guess this place is all clear,” Steve said, quiet enough not to be heard by anyone downstairs yet, but loud enough to be heard by the person under the bed.

“Wait!”

It was a kid, Steve figured as much based on the items on the desk in the corner and the poster on the wall.

The small boy crawled out from under the bed, panic on his face.

“Are you gonna take me to my parents?” The boy asked, lips wobbling.

“I’m gonna try. I’m Steve, what’s your name?”

“Elliott.”

“Nice to meet you, Elliott. How old are you?”

“Nine.”

Jesus Christ. Where had his parents even been? Why weren’t they looking for him?

He hoped they were on their way back and just stuck trying to get into town.

But a part of him had already known that wasn’t true. A part of him knew the moment they pulled into the area that he’d find someone left here, someone who shouldn’t have ever been alone.

“Alright, Elliott, let’s get you back to the school. We can put your name on the list so your parents can find you easier, okay? I can stay with you until they get here.”

“I don’t know if they will.”

Steve’s heart stopped for a moment.

Sure, his parents never came back after the Upside Down bullshit, but he’d been a teenager and adult. They probably assumed he wasn’t involved in any of it and was fine.

But Elliott was nine. Even his parents would have come back for him at that age.

They never should have left him alone to begin with, but even they knew the trouble they’d be in for leaving him at that age after a fucking earthquake.

“Of course they will, buddy. It’s just hard getting into Hawkins right now, you’ll see on our way back.”

He placed his hand on Elliott’s shoulder, not surprised when he tensed up under him for a moment before he relaxed.

Steve hadn’t been used to casual touch until he met Nancy.

But Elliott deserved to feel cared for right now, so he kept his hand there, let him get used to it for a moment, and then guided him out the door and down the stairs.

Most of the group had moved back outside, but a few people remained.

One of the few women in the group looked over at his entrance, her jaw dropping when she saw he had a child with him.

“Oh my God!”

Steve held his hand up, knowing Elliott probably didn’t want to draw a lot of attention to himself.

“He’s okay. He managed to find a safe place to hide. His parents might be looking for him though so we should get him back,” Steve said calmly.

No one crowded him, but the firefighter waiting by the van that was transporting everyone checked his heart and lungs, made sure he didn’t have any visible wounds or injuries.

Elliott didn’t let go of Steve the entire time, his hand gripping his forearm like he was terrified to lose him among the group.

Steve didn’t try to pull away, not once.

He knew Elliott needed someone. He could be that someone for him.

—-------------

When they arrived back at the school, they put his name on the list, and since he was a minor, they had him go to one of the classrooms that was being watched over by security while they tried to contact his parents.

He told them they left for a business trip over a week ago, he didn’t know when they would be back, and his aunt checked on him every morning, but he hadn’t seen her since the quake.

Steve stood by as he spoke to the responsible adults, not letting Elliott out of his sight.

Elliott begged for Steve to come with him to wait while they tried to locate his parents, so he did.

He realized pretty quickly that Elliott must not have slept last night; He curled against Steve’s side on the floor almost immediately and fell asleep, light snores making Steve smile to himself.

The floor was hard, the wall behind him was somehow harder, but he wouldn’t move short of another emergency.

They stayed like that for hours, kids coming and going as more were found and reunited with their families.

Elliott was the youngest one left in the room, all the other kids high school age.

When one of the men from the group he was in earlier came in the room to get another kid, he asked if there was any update on Elliott.

“Nah, they’re still trying to find them. The aunt um…” The guy looked nervously down at the sleeping Elliott. “She didn’t make it. Was on her way to try to get him when another crack hit the road she was driving on, car crashed. They contacted the dad’s business and were told he’s out of the country and won’t be returning calls until next week.”

“How long are they gonna make him stay here while they figure it out?”

“No clue, man. I’ll ask someone.”

But he didn’t come back and Elliott deserved something better than the floor to sleep on.

“Hey, buddy,” Steve said, gently nudging his shoulder to wake him up. “Sorry, just gotta run and ask someone something real quick.”

Elliott grabbed his shirt, holding it in his fist tightly.

“Don’t go! Please,” he begged, tears welling in his eyes.

Steve’s heart broke.

He’d been this kid for so much of his childhood, practically begging people to stick around so he didn’t have to be drenched in loneliness again.

He knew he would be right back, but to Elliott, especially after the quake, he probably felt like anyone who left would be gone forever.

“Come with me. We’ll find you some dinner while I find out how things are going.”

He stood up, his legs numb from sitting on the floor so long, and helped Elliott find his balance after waking up so abruptly.

They left the room, the security nodding them on when he saw Steve was with him, and walked down the hall to the cafeteria area.

They were serving ham and cheese sandwiches, bags of chips, and water for everyone. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for now.

If he could find a phone, maybe he could get Robin to bring him and Elliott more food.

Elliott shyly thanked the person handing out the meals, and Steve slowly guided him to an empty table while his eyes searched for anyone he recognized.

He almost did a happy dance when he saw Dustin and Claudia across the room.

“Hey, that’s actually my friend and his mom. Can you wait here while I grab them?”

Elliott nodded nervously, clearly only letting him walk away because he would be within his sight the entire time.

Steve ran over to them, wincing slightly when the bite on his stomach started pulsing. Probably should take it easier while that healed.

“Dustin!” Steve exclaimed as he got closer.

Dustin’s head shot around, smile lighting up his face as he realized it was Steve.

“Dude! Everyone’s been trying to find you for hours. Have you been here all day?”

“Kinda. I came to help with searching and I found a kid earlier. They’re trying to find his parents, but he’s been kind of attached to me.”

“Damn, I hope they find them soon. Phone lines keep going down. You seen Hopper come by yet?”

“No, has he gotten any sleep yet?”

“Doubt it. Ma, do you have any cookies left for Steve?”

Claudia came bustling over, digging through her purse as she walked.

“Oh, I’m sure I do! Hi, Steve, dear. Hope you’re doing okay in all this madness.”

“I’m doing alright,” Steve gave her a small smile as she managed to find the cookies and hand them over. “Hey, do you know the parents of Elliott Devers?”

“Oh, I know of them, sure. Only met them once, they never seem to be in town. He’s a sweet boy, his aunt seems to take care of him most of the time.”

Steve filled her in on what he knew so far, that Elliott’s aunt had died, that no one could reach his parents, that he’d been alone in the house for at least a full day before Steve found him.

That Elliott didn’t seem to want to be separated from Steve.

Dustin was watching him talk, eyebrows furrowing like he was trying to think of something.

“Wait, his dad’s the guy who was under investigation for tax evasion, fraud, and identity theft, isn’t he?”

Steve’s stomach dropped.

His brain made connections that only children of rich parents can in a matter of seconds.

His parents ran to another country on “business” because that was the only way they were allowed to leave while he was under investigation. No one could reach them because they gave fake information so they could go into hiding. Because he was guilty of all of the things he was under investigation for and didn’t want to lose everything and end up in prison.

Fuck.

Claudia must have realized the same thing, a deep frown settling on her face.

“Elliott is the boy sitting at that table?” She asked as she pointed towards him.

He was watching them as he ate, eyes wide as he kept glancing around the room.

Steve nodded.

“If they ran, and they aren’t coming back, where will he go?” Steve asked.

“I’m sure he’ll be placed with a family who can take him until they can figure out a more permanent place, but that may be hard right now with so many people leaving Hawkins. He may have to leave town,” Claudia said, though Steve could tell she was trying to figure out how to take him in, even if only for a few days.

“What would I have to do to keep him while they keep looking?”

“Oh, that’s a question for Hopper, sweetie. I’m not sure you’d fit the requirements, even though I think he’d be very lucky to get to stay with you,” Claudia touched his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze in comfort.

“Is he coming by?”

“Hopper? Yes, he just got done at the hospital handling some things for Edward,” Claudia said.

“Eddie, Ma, how many times do I have to tell you?”

“The tone! Watch it!” Steve said before Claudia could respond.

She smirked at Steve, then gave Dustin a look that said she wasn’t going to listen to him and walked away.

“I gotta go with her, she’s bringing dinner to Wayne at the hospital.”

“Is Eddie awake?”

“Not yet, but they think it could be anytime. They said the drugs in his system are heavy enough to keep him out for a while.”

“But he seems okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Max?”

He almost didn’t want to ask, but he had to.

“No news.”

Steve nodded once, acknowledging that Dustin didn’t want to talk about it right now, that it was tough to even think about how she was probably not gonna wake up anytime soon if ever.

“Hey, come by my house tomorrow, okay? We can watch a movie or somethin’.”

“Sure.”

Steve gave Dustin a quick hug before making his way back to Elliott, who looked like he might start crying any moment.

“Hey, buddy. Sorry that took longer than I thought, but…” Steve pulled the bag of cookies from behind his back with a smile. “I got cookies! Claudia makes the best chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. You’ll love them.”

Elliott relaxed a little, smiling up at Steve as he reached for the bag of cookies.

“Is she nice? She looks nice.”

“She’s awesome. She always brings me soup if I’m sick.”

“Is that what moms do? My aunt sometimes does, but she doesn’t know how to make the kind I like.”

Steve bit his lip.

“What kind do you like?”

“My favorite is tomato and noodles. She can only make chicken noodle. It’s okay, but sometimes it has a funny taste.”

Steve smiled at him, glad he was at least talking, even if what he was saying was heartbreaking.

“I’m sure Claudia can make you some tomato and noodles. I’ll call and ask.”

“But not now, right?”

Elliott’s voice filled with panic, his eyes widening.

“No, I’m staying with you right now. The chief should be here soon and we can figure out what’s going on, okay?”

“Like, the chief of police? You know him?”

“Yeah, Hopper’s nice. Don’t let his mean face scare you. He’s kind of a teddy bear.”

“Excuse you, I’m not a teddy bear. I’m a grizzly bear,” Hopper said behind Steve.

Elliott laughed, and Hopper tried to hide a small smile. Teddy bear.

“Are you Elliott?” Elliott nodded. “Can we go talk for a few minutes just us? I promise Steve can wait right outside the door.”

Hopper gave Steve a look that said he was about to ruin this kid’s day as if it didn’t already suck enough.

“Um, can Steve come in the room too?”

“If you want him to, sure.”

“I want him to.”

“Okay then, let’s go.”

Steve grabbed everything off the tables, throwing the trash away on the walk towards the teacher’s lounge area that had been set up for the cops to conduct phone calls and interviews as needed.

It was empty now, probably thanks to Hopper taking control quickly.

They sat down around a table, Elliott’s hand finding Steve’s quickly.

“Alright, Elliott, so I have a few questions and then I have some news,” Hopper started, his voice maintaining no emotion the way he’d been taught.

“Okay.”

“How long have your parents been gone this time?”

“I dunno. A week, maybe a little longer.”

“And you were alone that whole time?”

Elliott looked to Steve, like he needed help to answer, but Steve just smiled at him and mouthed ‘just be honest, you’re not in trouble.’

“Most of the time. My aunt came to check on me in the mornings and bring me food for the day.”

“Aunt Janice?”

“Yeah.”

“Bud, I’m sorry to tell ya this, but your Aunt Janice was in a really bad accident and didn’t make it,” Hopper’s voice started to show some emotion, but Steve squeezed Elliott’s hand so he wouldn’t focus on that.

“She died?”

“Yeah, bud. I’m sorry.”

“But who will bring me food in the morning?”

Steve couldn’t do this. Holy shit, he could not do this. How was Hopper able to do this?

“Well, we still haven’t been able to call your parents. Do you know exactly where they might be?”

“I don’t know. They don’t tell me where they go.”

Steve and Hopper looked at each other.

Hopper knew Steve had been in a similar position when he was younger, but no one checked on him. Hopper had often been the one to show up at his door during his early teens to make sure he had food and wasn’t hurt.

“What if he stayed with me until you find them?” Steve asked Hopper.

Elliott turned to him.

“I can stay with you?” He asked excitedly.

“Oh, I’m not sure about that. There’s a process for this kinda thing,” Hopper began.

“Then start the process. He’s staying with me,” Steve said firmly, not caring if he sounded rude, not caring if Hopper hated him for it, just wanting Elliott safe and in a house instead of a school converted to a disaster relief zone.

Hopper eyed him up and down, and the way Elliott was holding his hand and bouncing excitedly in his chair.

“Alright, fine. But it’s a week by week basis until we can get ahold of his parents,” Hopper said directly to Steve.

“Steve, do you have a microwave? I make popcorn so good, like so good. I can make it tonight even!”

Steve smiled at him, and then at Hopper, who was watching with a fond smile.

“I’m sure I have what you need to make some popcorn, buddy.”

“You wait here, I have to get the release from CPS. They’re in the front office.”

Elliott went on and on about all the things they could do while he stayed with him, and when he found out Steve had a pool, he didn’t even stop for breath as he explained that he was the best swimmer when they took a field trip last year to the pool and that he could probably even beat Steve in a race.

Steve just smiled and agreed.

—-----------------------

A week with Elliott went by, and it was easy.

Steve was terrified how quickly he just fit in.

He fit in at his house, making it feel like a home, with his rambunctious energy and nightly popcorn making.

He fit in with the kids, showing interest in D&D even though he’d never heard of it before.

He even fit with Robin, who kind of hated kids, but thought Elliott was probably the cutest kid she’d ever met.

One night, while Dustin and Mike were showing Elliott how to build a character, Robin asked him the question he’d been dreading.

“What happens if he can’t stay?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m assuming they’ll find his parents soon, and when they do, he’ll have to go live with them again. Or at least his mom since his dad will be in prison for life at this rate. How are you gonna handle that?”

He had no clue. He wanted Elliott to have parents who stuck around, and who loved him, and let him pop popcorn every night.

But realistically, even if they did come back, that wasn’t what his life would look like.

His life would be a lot like Steve’s was, sad and lonely, and he didn’t deserve that.

“I’m gonna fight for him. I don’t know what that means yet, but I know that whatever is best for him is what I’m gonna make sure happens.”

Robin wrapped him up in a hug, her arms squeezing him to her.

“You’re gonna be a great dad someday.”

No one had ever said that to him before.

But maybe he could believe it.

—-------------------------------------

Steve was the first person to come to the hospital when Eddie woke up, Elliott excitedly chattering from the backseat of his car the whole way.

It was helping Steve’s nerves, but he knew he wasn’t giving Elliott the attention he needed.

“Sorry, buddy. What was that?”

Elliott was quiet for a moment.

“Are you worried?”

Steve smiled at him in the rearview mirror, his hands gripping the wheel tight.

“A little. You remember how everyone told you about Eddie? How he saved us all and almost died?”

“Yeah, he’s a hero!”

“He is. But he’s still healing and I’m just worried about how hurt he is.”

“Oh. So we can’t hug him or hold his hand to help him feel better?” Elliott groaned. “Oh man, I was gonna bring him popcorn!”

Steve laughed quietly to himself.

“I think he’s on a pretty strict diet right now, buddy. Maybe when he’s out of the hospital we can have him over for a movie and you can make him some.”

“When will he be out?”

“I dunno yet. I think it might still be a little while.”

“Will I still live with you then?”

Steve gulped.

“I hope so.”

“Me too,” Elliott said quietly, staring out the window as they pulled into the hospital parking lot.

His mood was a bit somber as they walked through the halls of the bustling hospital, going to the fifth floor in the elevator where Eddie’s room was.

When he got to the right room, he knocked on the door even though it was open, smiling in at Wayne.

“Hey, come in, Steve. Eddie, Steve’s here,” Wayne said as he turned to Eddie, who was awake, but mostly horizontal still in bed.

“Steve?” Eddie’s rough voice asked.

“Hey, Eds. Hope it’s okay I brought my buddy, Elliott, to say hi. He’s heard a lot about you and Dustin and Mike and Will have been teaching him D&D for when you get out of here.”

Steve walked close to the bed, holding Elliott’s hand. He seemed shy suddenly, which wasn’t like him, not since he was living with Steve.

“Hey, Elliott. You keepin’ Steve company?”

“Yes, sir.”

Wayne snorted.

“Oh, son, you don’t have to be formal with Eddie. He’s barely older than you in his head.”

Eddie glared at Wayne, but smiled at Elliott.

“Seriously, bud, just Eddie is fine. So you ready for a campaign?”

“I dunno. Dustin said maybe I can play with you guys?”

“‘Course you can. I have so many ideas when I get outta here.”

Eddie turned to Steve and gave him a smirk.

“As long as we can host at your place?”

Steve blushed, remembering the last time he had Eddie’s full attention on him, back when his words “make him pay” sounded a lot like “I love you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, we can do that. When do you get out of here?”

Elliott was loosening his anxious grip on Steve’s hand as the nerves wore off.

“They said not for a couple weeks, but I’m gonna walk right out of here the moment I can feel my legs again.”

Elliott let out a giggle and Eddie smiled.

“You can help me, right? I may need some support to run for it.”

“No! You have to stay until you’re all better, goofball.”

“That’s exactly what I told him, Elliott. You’re much wiser than he is,” Wayne said with a roll of his eyes.

Elliott moved closer to the side of the bed, his hands folded in front of him.

“Um. Could I hold your hand? So you feel better?”

Steve was going to cry.

Eddie kind of looked like he might, too.

“Yeah, I could use a hand to hold, bud. Thanks for offering. Wayne’s hand gets sweaty, but don’t tell him I said that,” he whispered the last part to Elliott, but loud enough so everyone could still hear.

Elliott held his hand, sitting carefully on the edge of the bed.

He told Eddie all about the character Dustin and Mike helped him build, about how they might run a practice campaign with him soon. He told him about the popcorn he would make for the first time he came over.

Steve watched fondly, realizing quickly that this wasn’t something he could lose.

Not Elliott, and not Eddie either.

—-----------------------------

Elliott’s parents were still missing.

It’s been almost a month, Eddie was released from the hospital a day ago, and Elliott was still living with Steve.

The longer he stayed, the more it would hurt if he left.

They got into a routine.

School had been canceled for the rest of the year, so they mostly just made breakfast together, went in the pool, hung out with the kids, visited Eddie, played basketball, and had popcorn every night.

Steve knew Elliott was happy, he knew he was happy.

He was terrified it would end.

They were hosting Eddie for a movie night, and Elliott was more excited than ever.

Steve was a nervous wreck.

He was in charge of making sure Eddie didn’t overdo it, making sure he took his nighttime medications, and getting him to bed at a reasonable hour. According to Wayne, his pills made him tired and he would fight sleep if you didn’t force him into a bed.

Steve spent the day cleaning, baking, and preparing.

By dinner time, when Eddie would be arriving, Elliott was starting to question it.

“What’s wrong? Do you not want Eddie to come over?”

“No! Of course I want him to come over.”

“So…why are you being like this?”

“I’m…”

“Is it because you love Eddie?”

Steve choked on air.

“What?”

“Or do you think Eddie doesn’t love you?”

“Elliott, gonna say a big kid word right now. What the hell do you mean?”

Elliott rolled his eyes.

“You want to make Eddie feel happy and safe here, and you always get this stupid look on your face when we visit him, and then when I asked Wayne if you two were boyfriends he laughed and said ‘probably soon.’ So you love him, right?”

Steve’s mouth was working open and shut, open and shut, no noise coming out.

“Two boys can be together, you know. Robin told me.”

“She what? When?”

“When she told me two girls can be together.”

Steve put his face in his hands and couldn’t help the laugh of disbelief he let out as Elliott touched his back to comfort him.

“Did you not know you loved Eddie?”

“Uh. I guess I didn’t know that other people thought I loved Eddie.”

“Oh. So are you gonna be boyfriends?”

“I…I don’t know, buddy. Maybe.”

“I think you should be. Then it might be like I have two dads.”

What?

What.

“What?”

Elliott pulled his hand away and suddenly seemed nervous.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”

Steve couldn’t handle the look on Elliott’s face.

“Elliott, look at me, buddy.” He waited for Elliott to look at him. “Is that what you think of me as? Like your dad?”

Elliott nodded.

“Come here,” Steve said, pulling Elliott into a hug. “You’re the best kid, you know that?”

Elliott nodded, and Steve let out a wet laugh.

“Uh, everything okay in here?” Eddie said from the doorway.

“Eddie!” Elliott let out, and despite the mood of the previous conversation, he was smiling from ear to ear.

Eddie smiled at him and pulled him into the least hurt side of him for a hug.

He looked at Steve with a questioning look. Steve just shook his head quickly, wiping the tears from his eyes quickly.

“Can I make popcorn now, pleeeeease?” Elliott asked, bouncing on his heels.

“Yes, fine. But only one bowl right now. You can make more after dinner.”

“Okay, dad!” he yelled as he ran to the popcorn maker.

Eddie’s brows raised to his forehead as he looked at Steve, who was crying buckets at this point.

“What’s that about, Stevie?” Eddie whispered as he came up to him.

“I um, I guess he just feels like I’m his dad,” Steve shrugged.

“Are you okay with that?”

“I just don’t want him to go.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Eddie said, pulling Steve into a crushing hug that had to hurt him. Steve sniffled against his shoulder, letting himself cry for a minute. “Did Hopper say he may have to go soon?”

“No, but I mean, if they find his parents or if CPS decides he has to go to a real family, then he’ll have to.”

“Stevie, they wouldn’t just take him. Not when he’s safe here and wants to be here. I promise.”

“But what if he goes somewhere far away or to people who won’t let me see him?”

Eddie held the back of his head against his shoulder, placing a kiss to the top of his head.

“He won’t. We’ll fight for him to stay here, okay? He’s got a family here, with us. Right?”

“Us?” Steve asked as he pulled away.

“Yeah. Us. Sound okay to you?”

Steve could only nod as he wiped his running nose.

How attractive.

“Hopper still doesn’t have any idea where they are, right?”

“Nope.”

“They’ll give up eventually. I hate to say it, but they won’t put more effort into a kid who has a safe place to go when they have bigger problems. Like how half the town is still homeless because of a fucking earthquake.”

“That’s a big kid word!” Elliott yelled from his spot at the counter.

“I’m a big kid!” Eddie yelled back, smirking at Steve.

“But I’m not!” Elliott yelled as they heard the popcorn machine starting up.

“Fine!”

Eddie placed a kiss on Steve’s forehead, then one against his lips.

It was soft, chaste, barely a kiss at all.

But it was a perfect first kiss for them.

—----------------------------

Another month passed with no news.

Eddie was at Steve’s house almost every day, spending time with Elliott, spending time with the party, with Steve.

Steve had converted the main guest room into Elliott’s permanent bedroom, but was scared to think of it that way still.

Eddie tried to reassure him, but even he was nervous that no final decisions had been made and the case remained open.

Until Hopper came by one night, well after Elliott went to bed. Eddie was doing the dishes while Steve was prepping some fruit for Elliott’s breakfast before his first day of summer camp the next day.

“Hop.”

Steve felt his stomach sink.

They were going to take Elliott.

“Steve. Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

Steve let him in, his face forced into casual calm, but on the inside he was already screaming and crying about what was about to happen.

Hopper sat down on the chair, gesturing for Steve and Eddie to sit on the couch.

“So.”

“You’re taking him aren’t you? He can’t stay.”

“What? No.” Hopper frowned. “No, Steve. The opposite actually. We’re closing the case. CPS said after interviews with him, even if his parents did get found or come back on their own, he wouldn’t be put back in their care.”

“But what about putting him with another family?”

Hopper sighed. He watched Eddie place a hand on Steve’s knee to calm him down.

“They’ve spoken in detail with him about his current situation. They believe that you’re the person he wants to live with and they aren’t going to disrupt his life any more than it already has been. If that’s alright with you, of course.”

Steve felt like he could breathe for the first time in his life.

“He can stay? With me?”

“He can stay with you.”

Steve let out a sob and fell against Eddie’s side. Eddie was crying too, but trying to keep more control so he could comfort Steve.

“CPS has to do a home visit to finalize everything, but if you’re good with it, you can officially adopt him. He’s been considered abandoned by his parents, and since it’s been 60 days, they relinquish all rights automatically.”

“How quickly can we do that?”

“We? Both of you?”

“I mean, can we both even do that?”

Hopper shrugged.

“Don’t know. But they’re probably expecting just Steve for now. They’ll call tomorrow to schedule everything and give you a chance to talk to Elliott.”

Steve and Eddie both nodded.

“I’m gonna leave you two to it, but call me if you need me. Congrats, Steve. I know you wanted this. I know he wanted this.”

“Thanks.”

Hopper saw himself out, closing the door quietly so it wouldn’t wake Elliott up.

“Eddie, did that really happen? Am I dreaming?”

“No, sweetheart, you aren’t dreaming.”

“I get to be his dad.”

“Yeah, you do.”

“And you?”

“What about me?”

“Do you want to be his other dad?”

“I would love to, baby. Let’s ask him tomorrow, though. It’s up to him.”

Steve nodded.

It was up to Elliott, but he knew what Elliott wanted.

He knew what he wanted.

They were gonna be a family. A real family. No more worrying about someone deciding to take Elliott away from him.

He could finally use this house that had been left to him by his parents for something other than being miserable. He could keep it filled with love and laughter and happiness and maybe the occasional stupid argument.

Maybe Elliott would make friends at school in the fall and want to have hangouts here. Maybe they could both save up some money and take him on a vacation somewhere. Maybe someday they could get married and Elliott could be the best man.

Anything could happen.

Steve couldn’t wait.

[section-chief-prentiss]

Maternity Leave (part 4/?)

Summary: You and Emily bring your daughter home from the hospital.

Pairing: Emily Prentiss/Reader 

Word Count: 638

TWs: pregnancy, labor, fluff, comfort, newborn

A/N: I thought this would only be a 3-parter, but I've had a few ideas in the last few days to expand this fic a bit further, so we'll see where it goes!

Ao3

PART ONE PART TWO PART THREE PART FIVE

As you waddled through the front door of your home, you pouted, having foolishly thought that when you waddled out of the house to have the baby you would be in more control when you returned.

What a foolish idea that had been.

Walking had already been a part of your post-surgery recovery, but long distances still made you winded. By the time you reached the couch, you sat, in desperate need of a break.

Emily followed closely behind, wielding your daughter’s carrier. She set the carrier on the ground, unbuckling your curled-up daughter and handing her directly to you before you could even ask for her.

When you weren’t holding her, even when she was in Emily’s arms, you felt empty—like there was a crucial part of you missing. Once you’d been strong enough to hold her on your own, you hadn’t wanted to ever set her down.

“You are so beautiful,” Emily breathed, kissing your cheek.

You flushed. “My hair hasn’t been washed in days, and I’m in a diaper. But I appreciate the flattery.”

Amelia’s head nuzzled against your chest, and you unbuttoned your pajama shirt to give her easy access to what she was looking for. 

“I can’t believe she’s ours,” you mused, staring at her in wonder. “They really let us leave with her.”

Emily chuckled. “Of course, they did. What did you expect?” 

“I don’t know; it seems like it should be harder to bring a baby home.”

Emily scooted over so she was directly beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Making her was the tough part; now we get to enjoy her.”

You hummed in agreement. Getting pregnant hadn’t been easy, and Amelia’s labor had somehow been even more difficult. Ever since you’d fallen in love with Emily, the two of you had talked extensively about wanting a large family. But now you weren’t sure if you had it in you to go through it again.

Even if the result was so perfect.

“Would you be disappointed?” you asked, unable to look at your wife. “If she was our only baby?”

“Y/N,” Emily said so fiercely that you had to meet her gaze. “You two are my greatest joys. I could never be disappointed in that.”

Her honesty brought you some level of comfort, and you took it. 

“I was thinking, though…” Emily continued. “If we decide we want another, I think I’d like to carry.”

You looked at your wife in surprise. “Are you sure? When we tried for Amelia, you said you weren’t sure you wanted to be pregnant.”

“I wasn’t sure then,” she admitted. “But I am now.” 

You raised an eyebrow at her. “What about this process made you want to go through it?”

Emily laughed, throwing her hair over one shoulder. “I want to experience everything you do. I want to know what it feels like to carry our child.”

You could’ve melted on the spot. You leaned over to kiss your wife before turning your attention back to your daughter.

“Let’s get through one day alone with Amelia before rushing to knock you up,” you joked.

“Fair enough,” Emily amended.

As Amelia finished feeding, Emily threw on one of your favorite TV shows to watch together as you shifted your daughter up to burp her. Emily tossed a burp rag over her shoulder, and you passed your child over to let your wife take over. 

Though your favorite show was on, you couldn’t take your eyes off of the way your wife held your daughter. How perfect of a mother she already was. How lucky you were to have this amazing, little family. 

“Fine,” you sighed. “Let’s have another one. But I want to enjoy some time with her first.”

Emily pressed a kiss to your daughter’s head. “I couldn’t agree more.”

Tag List:

@yena-reyna, @propertyofemilyprentiss, @chaekhan, @obsessedwjill, @mrs-prentiss, @i-lovefandom, @tireddeadgirl, @lez-talk1, @emilyprentiss-ily

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[icu-fetish]

Leah in ICU

Leah lay in a coma for more than a week. She is connected to an artificial breathing apparatus. A long plastic breathing tube is inserted into her throat. Large medical devices are located near it. Nurses visit her ward regularly, taking care of her condition.

Leah sometimes listens to everything around her. Leah was in a coma, but she was thinking a lot. She was scared. She could feel the medical devices, their noise.

Dr. Iris often talks next to Leah. The doctor talks about her condition, discusses treatment plans and follow-up.

"Your body is going through a difficult recovery process, but together we can do it. We are here to help you.”

So, Iris regularly checks into Leah's room to make sure everything is going according to plan.

Later, surprisingly, Leah came out of the coma. Her eyes opened and she saw the world again. But her body has not yet fully obeyed her. She could not speak, because she was connected to an artificial breathing apparatus. Leah felt weak, but inner optimism helped her.

Leah will be connected to a breathing machine for a long time. She had a new surgery, and she has a tracheostomy. Iris explained that a tracheostomy can make the process more comfortable. Leah still feels doubt, fear and limitations. But maybe now she's finding happiness in the small steps toward recovery.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for dismissing a friend?

So this happened a couple years ago. I had a friend I would hang out with every couple of months for nails or eating out (we paid separately always). I vented to her a lot, but in a way that seemed normative at the time. She entered a great long-term relationship after experiencing relationship violence and sexua trauma in her previous one, which was excellent!

During their second Christmas together, she cancelled a lot of plans with me because she was exhausted and recovering from a surgery, and she wasn’t feeling good enough to go out in public. I gave space, I put the gift I bought her in the closet, and I waited. However, I kept seeing her going out on dates to the mall and other ���fun” retail outings with her boyfriend on social media, so I stopped reaching out altogether. In my mind, and this was precipitated by a hot minute of having pretty surface level communication, it was a clear sign she didn’t want to interact with me.

Cue several months later (either months or a literal year) out of the holiday season, she hits me up to try and exchange gifts. I flat-out tell her I’m surprised she asked but that I’m unavailable, but I offer to put what I bought her on her doorstep. She asks why, and I tell her it’s about what I thought was a bogus excuse and what I saw on social media.

She comes back at me with apologies and tells me that she had had an intense plastic surgery with a difficult recovery process and was making the best out of it with someone she could trust to take care of her while she was out. I accepted her apology, I didn’t mention it again, but we never got up to exchange gifts or talk ever again. I’m worried I might have hurt her feelings.

… I still take my car to her parents auto shop, and it gives me a little anxiety not knowing if I have something to apologize for. Was I the asshole for not trying harder to show love when a friend seemingly gives a “phony excuse”?

What are these acronyms?

[dromedawrites]

MTMTE Ratchet, Drift, Rodimus, and Megatron helping you recover from top surgery.

Reader is transgender (ftm/ftn). Any pronouns are neutral. You can interpret this as romantic or platonic, though I drifted more romantic for some interactions. I might do more characters later!

(Also not super important but I like to think reader has some way of ‘mass shifting’ themselves on on the LL so they are not a tiny creature running around, unless you like that, lol.)

Crack/Fluff!!

Ratchet:

He did his homework. He knows so much about the procedure by now that he could have done it himself. 

What he doesn’t understand is why such a life-saving surgery is so bloody expensive.

No, seriously, why did it cost you 10,000 dollars? Do humans not have healthcare?

He would have done it for free, because he cares about you, but Ratchet understands it’s best you’re surrounded by human doctors in case something goes awry.

Ratchet is PREPARED when you come back disoriented and sore. He’s got a private room in his med-bay ready just for you.

It has everything; dry hair shampoo, oversized clothing, powdered deodorant, wedge/pregnancy pillows… so much.

He even has extra medication for you just in case.

Don’t ask how he got a hold of all of this. (It might have involved some stealing.)

He is incredibly gentle when he helps you. You feel so much better after he checks in on you.

Ratchet can’t believe how brave you are. Despite the pain you know you were going to go through, you still chose this. The right, albeit difficult, choice.

He’s proud.

Drift:

He would have helped you pay for the procedure if he could. 10k in human currency is nothing to him.

Drift could’ve been your gender-affirming alien sugar daddy.

You told him that they wouldn’t accept any type of alien money.

They might think it’s cryptocurrency.

Drift didn’t quite understand how invasive the surgery was until Ratchet explained it to him.

His jaw drops. He can’t believe how fucking strong you are.

Drift intensely empathizes with the pain. He’s had some life-threatening injuries with recoveries just as long.

He doesn’t think any of them come close to this though. Humans are a hundred times more fragile and you’re CHOOSING this?

He gives a lots of forehead kisses. You actually think it speeds the process. (You’re just gay.)

You have Ratchet, but Drift is like a second nurse whenever he visits. Which is often.

And of course, there are the mandatory healing crystals he leaves beside your medberth.

They’re pretty. They help distract you.

Plus, he leaves the best ‘Get Better’ notes.

Rodimus:

When you tell him you are getting surgery he panics a little. He doesn’t want his best friend to die!

He asks if you have cancer.

You have to calm him down and explain the TYPE of surgery you are gonna get.

He immediately relaxes, and when you ask why he thought you might have cancer he shrugs.

Rodimus has no idea what cancer is.

But he’s super happy for you!!!

He does his own ‘research’ (aka, just ask Ratchet) and has the same reaction as Drift.

There is so much bravery inside such a tiny human!!

You might also be the entire reason why the Lost Light is staying on Earth for a few months. 

Which actually is not so bad. Some bots are happy to be on Earth again.

The government isn’t so happy about it, but it works itself out. 

Rodimus may or may not have told them why they are here.

You get a congratulations note from the fucking President later and you are so confused??? 

He loves to help you reach for stuff on shelves now. It’s been weeks now and he is still doing it.

Flameboy misses cuddling with you until you are well enough again.

But then you have a giant 4 hour napping session with him once you are.

It was worth the wait.

Megatron:

Megatron is angry once he hears how much you had to pay for such an important procedure.

He wants to speak to the president.

He lets you vent about how cruddy trans healthcare is, in general, all over the world. It’s not much better anywhere else.

Instead of Rodimus he actually does research. 

The concept of ‘gender’ has always left a somewhat bitter taste on his glossa, but he’d be lying if he didn’t find the literature of queer folk interesting. 

Megatron is now a gender abolitionist and trans activist.

He gives you a giant, sappy hug before you leave. 

When you get back he’s upset he can’t give you the physical comfort you look like you need.

He is very patient though.

If it’s not Ratchet doing it, he makes sure you are taking your meds on time.

Despite his squeamishness when it comes to some functions of the human body he insists on helping you clean yourself.

He wants to keep you as comfortable as possible. (And not stinky. No offense. He loves you.)

Megatron is proud. Look at you. Even during recovery you seem happier.

He’s definitely not writing poetry about it. (He’s already written three by the time you fully recover.)

You get another cuddle session from Megatron once you’re ready for it. 

Megatron is secretly a giant teddy bear.

[fickes]

hiiiiii

as a pre top surgery transmasc i adore your art so much. it makes me so happy and gives me hope that someday i too will be able to get top surgery!

okay so i like asking peoples personal experiences, so what were the most interesting things about getting ready for top surgery, the surgery itself or the recovery process in your eyes?

also how long did it take to get off of the binder after the surgery? thats the part i worry about the most bc i cant wear a binder bc my lungs are inept (affectionate) so i worry how thatll go but i mean itll be worth it obviously.

anyway whatever you are comfortable sharing about the surgery process, id love to hear it!!! have a great rest of your day

Thanks so much :) I'm answering this publicly in case other people find this information useful, but let me know if it's a problem and I'll take it down right away. Also feel free to message me with any follow-up questions.

I should let you know a lot of my comics are a bit dramatized for comedic purposes. I don't lie at all but sometimes I phrase things to be funny, not accurate ;)

Let's get into it - first of all, speaking as someone who needed top surgery but felt it was a pipe dream for soso long, I'll say a) it was well worth the wait and b) it wasn't nearly as hard as I expected it to be, both logistically and physically. I had the advantage that I live in a pretty liberal state in transgender law and financial aid, but the disadvantage of having a few medical conditions that I expected to make the surgery pretty hard on me (and that blocked me a little in terms of getting medical permission). If you live in the USA, I may have more specific legal guidelines for you if you want it.

In terms of the binder! I actually have a chest deformity that made wearing a binder extremely painful and probably damaging. I usually had to opt for sports bras etc., and this was a big concern for me, too, in terms of the binder that you have to wear after surgery. The vest the hospital gave me was problematic because it didn't fit me right and was causing a lot of pain. I'm not sure if my deformity had to do with it or not. But the point is: I told them the problem, and they gave me the option of just going out and buying Under Armour compression sportswear. This SAVED me, and it was FAR less painful than any binder or binder substitute I've ever worn. I could wear it 24/7 and barely even notice the pain, and it was only about $20 online. This is definitely worth asking about ahead of time to any potential surgeon. Even if this particular solution doesn't work for your case, they probably have others. There are a lot of us with bad lungs/ribs!

I was required to wear the compression shirt for 6 weeks. After that, I've chosen to continue wearing it on and off because I still have a little swelling. They expect that to be done by 6 months.

The worst parts were the vest (before I replaced it with the sportswear) and the drains. The worst part about the drains is they do hurt, and if the tubes shift at all you can feel it inside your body (BAD feeling). Unlike everything else, they were gradually hurting more the longer I had them. I got them out after a week, and after that recovery was no problemo at all. The drains are the hard part - I think most people agree with me on this one. Some people experience pain getting them removed, too, but for me it just felt a little weird.

The most interesting thing to me was the result itself. The wound, the bruising, the stitches, the glue, and the scars. Watching my own skin heal itself into a new shape was fascinating! I was allowed to change the dressing on day 2 and it was a pretty gruesome sight, but it also felt RIGHT. I was expecting a difficult adjustment. Even with the gender euphoria, a lot of trans people say they felt woozy or strange when they first saw the results. It can take a long time for your brain to adjust to your new shape. But for some reason, for me, it just immediately felt right. It's already hard to imagine my chest having ever been different.

[dr-trafalgar-law]

Trafalgar Law X CisFem Reader

4

Your first night with Azul was not what you expected. It had been a long time since you had a puppy in the house. So long you forgot how much sleep gets lost. On top of being a pup she was still recovering from surgery and coming down off the pain medication before her next dose was due was difficult. The nights that followed seemed easier but perhaps you were just lost in your delirium. 

You stood at the coffee maker in the break room. 

"Are you trying to use your mind-yoi?" 

"Hmm?" you looked up at your boss as he glanced between you and the machine. 

"Oh, F/N… are you ok?"

Before you could answer he'd already switched into doctor mode, placing his hand on your forehead and looking over your clammy, paler than usual face. You thought you'd successfully covered the deep circles under your eyes - but apparently not. 

"Wha-?" you muttered, slowly registering what was happening, "I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just Azul…" a huge yawn interrupted you, making Marco chuckle.

"Ah, side effects of a puppy in recovery-yoi. Should I have Shachi help Chopper up front today so you can go home and rest?"

"No, it's ok. I'm fine really." you insisted. 

"She's sick?" Dr. Trafalgar questioned flatly, entering the room. 

"Just a little exhaustion-yoi."

"She should go home then," the other doctor murmured glancing over you and turning back to Marco. 

"I'm right here, ya know." you pouted, "I can't go home anyway - the reason I'm so tired lives with me now." 

"Just board her then-yoi. She's familiar with the staff." the blonde suggested. 

"I don't want her to think I've abandoned her." 

The slightest hint of amusement crossed the tattooed doctor's lips. 

"And we need to get used to each other." you added finally pressing the start button on the coffee machine. 

"Take a nap in overnight's office at least. I can't have my receptionist toppling over at the front desk." Dr. Newgate ordered. 

"Ok, ok. The phones quiet down between two and three. I'll have Chopper fly solo for an hour." 

Marco nodded moving to make his own cup of coffee while Law grabbed a can of tea from the fridge and exited quietly. Abandoning your coffee in the fridge for later, you made your way upfront to give Chopper the rundown. 

The overnight office was small and cold, perfect for an afternoon nap. There was a bunk bed against the back wall with a nightstand, an alarm clock and a touch lamp. The left side of the room was lined with shelves and storage bins, while the right was plastered with VetMed memes. 

You shut the door and pulled fresh blankets off the shelf before kicking off your shoes and getting comfortable on the bottom bunk. It really didn't take long to fall asleep once you got cuddled up. 

The sound of cardboard shuffling and crashing to the floor startled you. 

"Shit." The curse was so soft you thought you might've dreamt it. 

Yawning, you sat up as Trafalgar turned to pick up the box with a frustrated sigh. 

"Can I help ya with something doc?"

"That's - I didn't come in here to wake you up."

You pushed the blanket aside and stretched,"But you look like you need help." 

He reached into his scrub pocket retrieving a battery as you tapped the bedside lamp to brighten the room. 

"Where can I get this?" he redirected his gaze while you fixed your hair and slipped into your shoes. 

"What size?" you asked, stepping toward him. 

"Size?" he looked back at you confused before processing what'd you'd asked.

"Yeah," you chuckled, taking it from him, "your hands are huge, I couldn't tell if it was a double or triple A."

There was an awkward moment of silence while his ears began to burn. It was just a moment of confusion. He obviously knew batteries came in different sizes. But now he felt so stupid for pausing and you just chuckled it off like you always did. 

"We keep them in IMed*. I can show you." you offered with a small smile. 

"I have an appointment to get to." he murmured gruffly before excusing himself. 

You stood there alone with the battery in your hand not even knowing how many or for what device he needed. 

"What are you doing back here-yoi?" your boss asked as you stepped into his treatment area, "It has barely been 45 minutes."

Opening the drawer under the desk next to him you rummaged around for the box of double A batteries, "Doctor T couldn't find these." 

"So he woke you up?" The amount of outrage in his usually calm voice was almost flattering. 

"He really didn't mean to. He thought we kept them in the back office and dropped a box. Poor guy was so embarrassed he just walked out." you laughed, easing Marco's frustration. 

After collecting what you needed you made your way to Law's office. The mouse on his desk was turned upside down with the battery removed. You replaced it and set the extra you'd brought with you next to his keyboard.

"Here's a spare!" You wrote on a small post-it. 

On your way back to the lobby you stopped at the break room to retrieve your now cold coffee from the fridge. 

Chopper wasn't alone long but he had managed very well on his own. You were still tired but had enough of a nap to be able to focus on work. Luckily the afternoon picked up and you didn't have the down time to think about sleep. 

As you were preparing to close for the day and get Azul ready to go, your extension rang. 

"What's up?" you answered assuming it was one of the technicians. 

"Thank you, F/N-ya." Law's voice was soft and low. 

"Oh - uh right… the battery." you stammered feeling a little rush in your chest. 

"Yes, and I put some CBD chews in the bag hanging on Azul's kennel. That should help her wind down at night."

"Thanks doc, ya didn't have to do all that." you smiled resting the receiver against your shoulder while you powered the computer down. 

"No worries. Enjoy your evening." 

"Yeah, you too." you replied brightly. 

The last few interactions you'd had with Law were almost painfully awkward. Well, more so than usual. He was already not a very social human and reserved most of his politeness and niceties for the clients. Though on more than a few occasions someone complained that he was too cold and straight forward. All of that was fine with you until recently - you didn't have to speak with him often. Now one of his patients belonged to you. 

Perhaps you'd end up bonding with him after all. 

*Internal Medicine 

[mrhaitch]

Mr Haitch I saw you had an injury, ouch! I don’t know what part of you that you injured, but has recovery been going well? <if you feel comfortable sharing>

I’m a below knee amputee since my teen years and I tore my mpfl (ligament holding kneecap in place) in December on the same side. 🥴 had to get a donor ligament and emergency reconstruction surgery- don’t recommend it. But through lots of hard work I’m walking about 100ft at a time so far!

I’m a bit socially awkward so I’m only bringing my situation up to express a little extra empathy for your struggle, I don’t have children but I imagine it’s difficult to recover and rehab with little ones running around. I hope you’re being kind to yourself about it and giving yourself grace.

Do you accept dog pictures as a form of encouragement and comfort? If so, this is Drumstick: We’re missing the same leg, his favorite hobby is friendship and his favorite food is everything.

I absolutely accept dog pictures, regardless of intent or purpose - they're the only form of currency I respect. Love their pyjamas.

I'm sorry to hear about your injury, but that is amazing progress you're making.

My injury was far less severe: an incarcerated umbilical hernia. At some point (back in May) I overdid it on the weight training and tore a hole in my abs about 0.5cm in diameter, but enough for some of the fatty tissues behind the muscle to peek through and then got stuck. Within hours of finding it, I was in surgery.

The recovery process has been long and uncomfortable - I was practically immobile for two weeks, and when I was up on my feet I could only shuffle around like an old man. I'm most of the way better {about 98% I'd say).

[localplaguenurse]

Pantalone Appearance Headcanons

Or, they’re sort of appearance headcanons? Combination appearnce and self care headcanons. Think of this as a sort of part two of my health headcanons, it’s just an extension of how his childhood/health have affected his day to day life. Brief mention of lice and mentioned/implied self esteem issues.

Pantalone’s body is on the softer side. It just clings onto fat and refuses to let it go. No, he’s not fat or chubby by any means, he’s actually rather svelte, it’s just that he doesn’t have a lot of muscle definition because childhood starvation ate away at his muscle mass and threw his metabolism out of whack.

His skin appears porcelain pure when he’s in public, in both colouration and even texture, but if you get close to him or catch him in private, you’ll see it’s just makeup. He has some imperfections in his skin, from getting kicked around all his life, childhood and even adulthood acne, and a bit of aging. His skin is also a little more sickly in complexion on some days, and he’s got rather prominent eye bags. Some days they’re lighter, other days it looks like he’s been hit in the face, so he usually covers up with makeup.

Which as an aside, I think he would enjoy makeup regardless, but most of the time it’s a coverup rather than anything actually fun.

Has a very thorough morning and evening self care routine, has a wide variety of lotions, ointments, oils, face scrubs, body scrubs, face masks, soaps, cleansers, it is insane. (Eat your heart out, Lush.)

Because he was very poor, he was unable to adequately take care of his teeth among other things. One of the first things he did once he started making money was get dental work done. I have such a strong mental image in my head of younger Pantalone on opening day for the Northland Bank with braces on. 

Since then, he’s gone through several retainers and currently has a metal wire fitted behind his teeth (Thank you Machiko for your contribution). He also takes dental hygiene very seriously with brushing, flossing, mouth wash, etc..

Because of all this dental business, the ever smiling banker is actually very careful about how he smiles. He rarely ever smiles with his teeth due to his experiences with braces. They made him look younger than he really was, almost juvenile, and as such it made it difficult to be taken seriously because why would anyone listen to some crazy kid ranting about economics?

The only time you will see him smile with his teeth is if he is with someone he trusts, or someone has told a really, really funny joke.

He cares so much about his hair. He has all manner of shampoos, conditioners, oils, brushes, combs, accessories, and has put so much thought into how he chooses to style his luscious locks.

During his time in poverty, it was not uncommon for him to go for extended periods of time without washing or brushing his hair, which resulted in it being a tangled, matted mess when it was long. Even if he did have a brush on hand, it was just easier, faster, and less painful to cut it all off than try and untangle it. 

Having long hair, to Pantalone, is a source of pride and comfort to him, as he can not only keep it from getting that bad again, but if he ever gets it cut, it’s because he wants to get it cut. Not because it’s too messy to fix, or too dirty, or full of lice, but because he is actively choosing of his own free will to have shorter hair.

He’s also been dyeing it black. He actually has more grey in his hair than he wishes to admit or show, so he regularly dyes it black save for one lock of grey hair. He thinks it makes him look distinguished and handsome. It does.

This whole thought process came to me because I was wondering if Pantalone would have had any sort of cosmetic surgery, and I think no. Not unless there just happened to be a cosmetic side effect. He’s naturally a very pretty man once you get him cleaned up and cared for, and he doesn’t want to be slowed down by recovery periods if they’re not even necessary.

(That doesn’t include gender affirming operations if you subscribe to the trans Pantalone agenda, which I do on occasion because as a transmasc enby he gives me the worst genderlust imaginable. Gender affirming surgeries are so much more than merely cosmetic, they’re life changing and even life saving.)

Pantalone carries himself with an abundance of confidence and pride in his appearance. He knows he is handsome, he takes great care to maintain his image, and he knows when and how to use it.

Still, when you spend so long trying to get to where you are, especially in regards to your appearance, there are things you cannot shake off so easily. Things people probably won’t even notice or care about if they do, but if you can see it, then so can everyone else. That’s why Pantalone goes to such lengths to appear the way he does, because people eat with their eyes first, and if they don’t like what they see, then they won’t bother. 

[pudding-parade]

@echoweaver

Figured I'd do this this way instead of adding to the comment pile. :) I should've made a separate post with my whining, but…meh. What's done is done.

But yeah, not so much "medical drama" as just…stuff. I had a liver transplant in September. I haven't specifically talked much about it here because...I don't know. I guess I thought if I didn't talk about it it would be less...I don't want to say "depressing," because I'm not depressed, and I don't want to conflate being temporarily down in the dumps with depression. Maybe "difficult" is the right word.

Anyway...I've needed a transplant for about 10 years, my original having been badly damaged by asymptomatic hepatitis C that I unknowingly had, until the damage started making me really sick. I probably originally contracted it from a blood transfusion I had in the 80s, before they tested donated blood for Hep C. Medication as well as a special diet and supplements helped with the symptoms of a failing liver for a while, but this past spring things started to go downhill more quickly and the meds, etc. weren't helping as much.

I had a matching living donor, a relative of my husband's, who wanted to do it and who was finally approved for it. (She'd been deemed too young before.) And I was at the point of, "Do it now or else you won't be healthy enough later to survive the surgery/recovery." So, I did it. And like I said, I know it will be good in the long run, but right now it just kind of sucks. (Though it is nice to be not quite so yellow. I actually have eye whites now, yay! And I look less like a character from The Simpsons. Also also, I can legitimately say that I'm part Mexican now. LOL )

I'll spare you/everyone the gorier details, but I spent almost three weeks (as opposed to the one-week-or-so that's normal for transplants) in the ICU due to rejection issues (which is why my immunosuppressant dose was very high), and then once finally released I was under a "no contact" rule. As in, no contact with anyone but my husband, who was also not allowed contact with other people or else he wouldn't be allowed contact with me. (Thank goodness DoorDash exists now or I don't know what we would have done for food.) The only time I could leave this place was to go directly to a car to be driven directly to a doctor's office where they have a special process/set-up for people in my situation, and it's just nuts. People who went batty during covid lockdowns had it easy compared to this.

So it's been….rough. I don't really care about not being able to see people so much, frankly, but I do not like being cooped up inside. My latent claustrophobia has become not-so-latent of late. At home, I can sit out on the deck or I can wander about or ride my horse for miles in the wilderness without seeing another soul, but not here in a city. Cities suck. If I'd had more time to arrange things I would've at least rented a place with a patio/balcony, but since it was very short-notice, what we have is the best we could get, and it's not very good.

The good news is it's getting better. My immunosuppressant dosages are being lowered and I have no signs of rejection yet, so… *fingers crossed* And I'm down to twice-a-week appointments instead of literally every weekday. So, as of this past Friday I'm now allowed incidental contact, which means I can walk the streets or be at outdoor venues if I stay away from people, especially children (because they go to day care/school and tend to carry all sorts of interesting illnesses), as much as possible, but I can't be indoors for long periods with lots of people, so no stores, movie theaters, restaurants, etc. But this is why we're considering a zoo trip tomorrow. My doctors probably would consider it more than "incidental contact," but at least it's outdoors, close by, and it shouldn't be too crowded since it's winter and the kids aren't out of school for Christmas yet. They also have wheelchair or scooter rentals, so I don't have to walk the whole thing, and I would just be happy to be out in an environment other than a doctor's office for a day. So, I'm pretty sure we're going to do it. Because fuck it.

But anyway. Yeah, I'm trying to be more active online. It was hard for a while because with a giant healing abdominal incision and bruised-up everything, sitting up for long periods of time was a no-go, but I'm doing much better on that front. I've actually been playing No Man's Sky more than Sims, just because it's a space exploration game that makes me feel more like I'm "out there" than Sims does. But, I'm also trying to get back into the simblr momentum. I want to get back to playing the Random Legacy I started, because I can post about that more easily than the weird-o saves I usually play. LOL It's just hard to feel motivated right now, I guess. But we'll get there.

And you know what? For a movie that's supposed to be a comedy, Lilo & Stitch makes me bawl my eyes out. And that scene that I quoted is the "worst" in that regard. But it's still one of my favorite movies. :)

[sawyerquinnbrown]

Adventures in Boob Removal

Check out my new blog post on Wordpress!

Where to start? Probably in April 2022, when I met with the first surgeon who was supposed to perform my top surgery.

This surgeon, who we will call Dr. Rude, began by explaining that my chest “wouldn’t look like a man’s chest” post-surgery, to which my non-binary ass replied,

“Good thing I’m not a man, then.”

Dr. Rude did not get the joke. He went on to complain about my having had a breast reduction surgery in the past, claiming I was “making [his] job more difficult.” I refrained from sarcastically apologizing,

“Sorry my understanding of my gender dysphoria didn’t happen sooner, good buddy.”

Anyway, it’s a good thing that first attempt at top surgery didn’t work out before my move to Chicago, because I wasn’t sure I could trust Dr. Rude, who had apparently never met a non-binary person before.

Once I moved to Chicago, however, it became clear that if I got my surgery there I would be waiting years for an appointment. The soonest they had for a consultation appointment was a year out. “Don’t bring your paperwork,” they told me, so to hell with that.

Instead I settled on flying to Boston for my surgery, since 1) I wouldn’t be waiting a year, 2) some of the best surgeons are in Boston, and 3) I have family and friends there with whom I could stay for my recovery.

My discussions with the receptionist at the new surgeon’s office (we’ll call him Dr. Did-My-Breast-Reduction-Six-Years-Ago Second Try) involved crossed wires, however.

“How long have you legally been a man?” they asked.

Puzzled, I replied, “No time. I’m non-binary.” This stumped the receptionist for a moment. “There’s an ‘X’ on my state ID?” I offered.

“Okay. And how long have you been on hormones?”

“I’m not on hormones.”

Once again this threw the receptionist for a loop, but we did manage to schedule a pre-surgical exam, so go us.

At the pre-surgical exam I met with the surgeon’s assistant, who spent about fifteen minutes flapping her hands over my boobs while she told me about the surgery. Fondling complete, she told me to wait in the lobby to schedule my surgery, and she’d see if Dr. Second Try was available to speak with me. So I waited in the lobby, where I was told my surgery couldn’t be scheduled until they submitted to my insurance anyway, at which point Dr. Second Try appeared, fully scrubbed- and masked-up, and announced to the room,

“So no nipples?”

“No nipples,” I confirmed with a thumbs up, glad that the entire waiting room now knew this.

Off I toddled back to Chicago to wait for my surgery date. The first time my info had been submitted to insurance, with Dr. Rude, it had taken about two weeks to hear back, so I was surprised that I hadn’t heard in three weeks. I finally got a call saying they’d never received my letter of approval from my psychiatrist.*

*This is a fun thing about being trans. It’s not enough to say to a doctor that you have gender dysphoria. First you have to go to a mental health professional to say you have gender dysphoria, then that mental health professional writes down that you have gender dysphoria and informs the doctor that hey, this person has gender dysphoria. Very efficient system, makes perfect sense.

“What do you mean you never got my letter? It’s the first thing I handed over at my exam.”

“We never got it.”

“It was in an orange folder.” They told me to hold.

Three minutes later: “We found the orange folder!”

“Why did it take three weeks to determine that you didn’t have my letter?” I asked politely, masking my understandable annoyance.

The scheduler said, snippy, “We have other things to do.”

Well excuse the shit out of me.

I’d go into more detail about the rest of the process, but everything went pretty smoothly for scheduling after that, as well as the surgery itself and the recovery (which was very itchy. No one warned me). The only moment of note was when I went to get my drains taken out (if you don’t know about drains, consider yourself very lucky).

The nurse who was assisting Dr. Second Try started to speak. “She–I mean, he–“

“They,” I corrected gently but wearily.

“They need more bandages,” she finished. Bless her, she was trying.*

*I find it a little odd that so many of the staff struggled with my pronouns and gender identity. This surgeon had done top surgeries many times before.

Anyhow, that was my top surgery adventure, and I’m finally able to lift my hands all the way over my head again. Yay! Though I do have something I call "phantom boob syndrome"--similar to phantom limb syndrome except that it means sometimes my chest will be itchy but no matter how much I scratch the itch won't go away because the itch is on my no-longer-existent boob. #suffering

[demon-trees]

Morning Glory

This is more of a welcome back into the world of writing fanfics since I haven't written anything since high-school and what better way to kick it off with my current obsession then Trigun! I'm sorry it took me so long I was trying to figure out how I wanted the story to go but I think I got it now.

So standard rating would T nothing to gory and no beta readers so if you some mistakes please excuse them but I welcome any critiques you may have for me.

Enjoy what I have written, and I hope to do this fandom, proud!

Word count 4.3k

_______________________________

Hanahaki Disease,

A rare disease where one is in unrequited or even one-sided love that leaves its victim to cough or vomit flower petals mixed with their own blood. In most extreme cases left untreated can lead to a flowering plant growing in the lungs,stomach or heart in which case the disease then turns fatal with then having to vomit or choking fully bloomed flowers and slowly succumbing to the lack of oxygen and blood. The only known cure is to undergo a surgery to remove said flower from the host but no record has shown a case where the patient has recovered unless they do another more high risk operation on the brain to remove part of the limbic system. More studies show that people who undergo brain surgery have a ninety-nine percent rate of recovery and no return of the flowers but have a difficult time to process emotions or even become shells of their former selves. Other studies of this disease have shown zero chance of survival due to the type of plant that can take residence in the victim's body which can shut down its host's body four times faster than normal, meaning the average lifespan with this disease cuts down to a year to a few months while other victims have years ahead. 

Year 3xxx

It's been almost one hundred and fifty years since the seed project crashed on this planet, 

Fifty years since the discovery of the strange plant disease that riddles the lonely and the daydreamers, twenty years since the discovery of a so-called “cure” for it, and three days since I too have fallen victim to the hanahaki disease. 

I thought everything was fine, everything was fine if I just kept my distance from the infamous outlaw, but just like the sun I was always drawn back to his warmth. We met a few years before the Jenerora Rock incident, when I was waiting tables at Rosa’s diner just hiding out from bounty hunters when this unusual man in a long red coat and pointed gold hair walks in. All he asked for is a simple drink, nothing fancy but then one drink turned into one more, and then three more, and so on, honestly if Rosa hadn’t cut him off when she did he would have ended up passed out on the diner floor with her husband. He hadn’t paid for a room and it looked like he wasn’t sober enough to ask for one yet but with the town inn being so far away it didn’t look like he would make it that far in the state he was in anyway. Really what could have been so bad that someone would neglect to get shelter to instead come get their ass blackout drunk?

I really should have minded my own business but with Rosa having her own troubles with her sorry ass husband and Tonis what else could she do with the stranger who seemed to be dead to the world already, apparently drag him to the upstairs apartment that resides above said diner that I'm currently renting, bless you Rosa. With a bit, well with a lot of struggle i managed to drag the idiot up the stairs and not so carefully put him on the bed, really this man who appeared to not weigh much was much heavier than i expected and his staggering height was a struggle i didn’t account for when i decided to be a kind civilian for once. Really, one glance at this man and my natural caregiver instincts kicked in and I hated it, it wasn’t me, not anymore i thought. I went to turn to leave but his shaky voice startled me causing me to freeze, it wasn’t a question that left his lips but a small broken thank you, i hesitantly turned back to look at the poor sap but he had already fallen asleep with small snores leaving his mouth. Thinking back on it i wasn’t sure why i helped him removed his boots or even covered him up with the nicest blanket i could fine but meeting him that day had set everything in motion, I would begin to start falling for the fading sun: star boy, i would call him but to the rest of Gunsmoke he will forever be known as the humanoid typhoon: Vash The Stampede, and to my unsuspecting self I would soon learn why he was given the nickname. 

The morning I woke from my spot on the tiny loveseat to find him nowhere in sight, nothing that showed that he had been here the night before unless you count a neatly made bed. I assumed he had just got up and left town but no, I walked down to see the very sunny man talking and laughing with Rosa as he helped clean the diner with the help of her husband who looked like he saw better mornings. Confused was most likely an understatement given the situation, why was he still here, why was he helping a stranger with a kind smile plastered on his face? Questions that I hadn’t had a chance to ask as I was rushed out the door to help unload the supply truck by other waitresses leaving behind a stuttering mess of heys and wait by the blonde man who looked a little shocked to see me as well. As soon as we were outside I was bombarded with who he was, was he available, and was he a “good time”, shameless the lot of these people! As much to my horror he decided to follow us out back and without a hint of decency he played along with they're crude jokes! 

“Well ladies i must say i would never kiss and tell but she was absolutely rude in the bedroom! She was so rough in the bedroom, she even threw me on the mattress!” He said dramatically holding his arm over his face, crocodile tears threatening to leave his eyes but that cheshire grin he had given it all away that it was a horrible joke. 

“My my i would never have thought our sweet little y/n was into that sort of thing! So scandalous I tell you!” One of the ladies said as she pretend to faint into my arms 

“I have a half mind to drop you, you know and that isn’t what happened last night.” I said sternly glaring at the looming giant who seemed to have a grand of a time laughing with the rest of them as his aviator glasses slid down his face revealing his baby blue eyes and long lashes as he glanced my way. 

‘Damn him, he really was beautiful.’ I thought as I pushed the woman back up and went to the truck to pick up one of the many boxes. 

“No it's true I heard the loud thump of the bed myself last night.” I heard Rosa tell them and it took everything in me not to drop the heavy crate on the ground.  

“ROSA!” I yelled mortified as the rest of them held onto their stomachs from laughing so hard while ‘pretty boy’ fell down laughing. 

I can feel my face getting warm while I walked away from the humiliation.

“Names Vash by the way!” He yells after me as I plopped the crate down at the bar.

He rushes to stand in my way with a shining smile that could put the suns to shame.

“I don’t believe I caught your name yet.” Lier.

“And i believe you just heard it from my friend there so excuse me.” I say as I tried to go under him. Again he follows me. Cute.

“But I would much rather you tell me yourself, beautiful.” He says smoothly.

If god was real then i'm sure the devil is as well because no one should be that handsome and lame but cute at the same time. He’s a temptress, I'm sure of it.

“Does flirting come naturally to you or am I a special case?” I say as I give into whatever game this is, leaning against the door frame with a huff. 

“It depends really, is it working?”  I can see the little glint of mischief in his eyes with his smile turning genuine.  

“No, but I'll give you credit for trying. Names y/n.” I finally say with a small grin. 

The next few weeks were filled with such an odd sense of peace that I almost forgot we were human, but there is no such thing as peace when humans are involved. 

I was out back on break when it happened, playing with Tonis and one of the worms he had found when the loud shouting laughter of kids could be heard and a not so kind shriek of what I could guess was a blonde idiot. He was tackled down and hogtied by the local kids in a game of catch the outlaw, really such a fitting game if you think about it. Kids piled on top of him while he tried to wiggle his way out from under them but the joyous laughter of the kids caused him to laugh a little too and slumped.

‘So he was good looking, great with kids and a decent person.’ The more I looked at him the more I wondered who he really was. With a teasing smile I got up from the small porch taking Tonis with me over to shoo the youngins away but the small child had other ideas as he broke free from grasp and jumped on Vash as well leaving the stranger with no more fight in him as he laid flat on the sand and his glasses laid barren beside him.

“Need a hand there, stranger? It looks like you're about to start seeing stars here in a minute.”  Laughing as I crouched down to his level picking up his glasses and using them to push back my y/h/c hair back. 

“No, no! Everything’s fine, I just need a minute to regain my strength. It will probably come back faster if someone were to say "I don't know, bless me by going on a date with me, tonight maybe?” He shoots me another charming smile. I swore I could see little stars and sparkles around him as he offered his best attempt at a smolder. 

‘This little shit.’

“You know what, you look fine here on the ground so i'm just gonna go but thanks for the new glasses star boy, i think they look good on me.”  I quickly tried to walk away hoping the way my heart skipped a beat was just a weird fluke when I heard a rush of waits being directed at me. I turned around annoyed to see him clumsy jogging over to me, red staining his cheeks and the tips of his ears from the heat I assumed.

“I’m sorry about making a pass at you but can I make it up to you with a drink? No funny business, I promise just a casual drink as a thank you for the other day?” The shy smile he gives me nearly puts me in an early grave.

“All right, one drink, just one pretty boy then we call it even deal?” I offered him back his glasses as a sign of good fate but he freezes.

‘What?’ 

“Pretty?” Oh no, no I didn't!

“You think I'm pretty?” God kill me now as the damn smile he wore now was blinding me. The next thing I knew Vash pulled me down as a random bullet shot passed us and hit a window. 

‘TOO SOON GOD!’

Gunshots rang throughout the city, people scurrying into their homes and children ran to hide in alleyways with the critters, the smell of gunpowder and blood soaked the air. I dropped Vash’s glasses to run and grab Tonis and pulled him into the diner with Rosa who was already loading up her gun. I left him with Rosa’s husband as we ran back outside to see what was happening and nothing could have prepared me for how fast my blood drained at the sight. People were injured, some dead, and a few with life threatening wounds but in the middle of all that was enough for me to turn to stone. 

Bounty hunters.

A large gang of bounty hunters have held up my wanted poster and the leader threatened to shoot up the town and plant if I wasn't handed over in the next five minutes. I turned over to Rosa to explain myself but I had a gun pointed to my head before I could let out a sound, the anger on her face says it all, because I have seen and heard it all before.  

‘How can I bring them here? Why did you endanger all of us? Think of the lives you are putting at risk!’ I’ve heard it many times before but I could never give them an answer that was satisfying, because really all I wanted was a place to call home too. It wasn’t fair that everyone had a place to call home, someplace safe and warm, instead I was cursed to wander around these damn dunes with nothing more than an old hand me down gun and a forgotten name.

“Take me to the leader Rosa, I won't put up a fight I promise.” I said holding back my tears and stretching out my hands to be tied, I don't deserve to cry, not after running for so long and almost killing what could be considered friends again. I deserved this I thought as she tied me up and dragged me to them showing no remorse for me, just a grim frown. I was then thrown to the leaders feet and the last thing i saw was the hilt of his weapon hitting me and the sounds of gunshots being fired. A small panicked hold on was the last thing I really heard but I will never believe it was real. 

A day, a full twenty four hours I was out and in that time Vash had stopped the gang from dragging me off but not before they damaged one of the plants but by some god forsaken miracle he managed to save that too. While I was grateful he saved me, I needed to leave, and I needed to leave now while the diner was bustling with people probably celebrating the hero. I no longer had a home and no friends, so I packed the necessities and managed to slip out into the apartment alleyway. I didn’t bother to leave a note because really who will miss the bitch who brought a dangerous gang here and almost destroyed the town. As I grabbed a Thomas I saw the so-called hero as he stood in my way with both arms outstretched to halt my steed, head slightly down and a certain emotion was hidden behind his tinted glasses, what it was I would probably never know for sure. 

“Out of the way, Vash, I'm not in a playful mood tonight.” I say as I pulled my double action revolver out of its holster and pointed it straight at him, turning the safety off. 

Instead of moving away like i warned him too he moved closer to me arms still up in the air as a silent promise he won’t draw. 

Like that means shit to me right now.

“Vash, I'm serious! Take one more step and this bullet goes straight through your head!”  I yelled, clicking the trigger into place. Again he moves closer, barely five feet away as I shoot a warning next to his head just barely missing a hair. 

“Next time I won’t miss.” I tell him but my hand is shaking and he sees it.

He gently lowers my arm down and grabs my now useless gun to place on the ground all without breaking eye contact with me. 

“I won’t stop you from leaving and I won't follow you out but, i still expect that drink you owe me in the future y/n.” The sad smile he wore never failed to make me feel guilty but I couldn't stay one more night for a drink and I didn't want to make empty promises to the same broken vagabond as me.

“Vash i can’t promise you i will be alive the next time you see me.” I shook off his hand as I stared up at the sky just to keep from looking into his eyes. I wondered if the stars could ever be trapped by a mere human because everytime i would look into his eyes I would catch a tiny glimpse of the vast space. So full of wonder and awe but oh so cold and lonely, an endless cycle of new life and death.  

“Then I'll make a promise to you then, a promise to see my new friend alive and well again.” He then hands me my gun back as vow that if I take it I have honored the promise he made.

‘I want to be selfish, please just this once, let me keep this promise’

“All right, I’ll see you around then starboy.”

That was the first time I felt the pain in my chest.

That was two years ago and I became a gun for hire myself, so imagine my utter surprise when I ran into this idiot again at a bar shoot out when he so casually saves us by using the broken metal sign to shield us from the massive wave of gunshots. Lucky basterd. 

“Well nice to see you again y/n! While I wished it was under better circumstances I do believe it's best for us to start running.”  He grabbed my hand and we hauled ass out of there because someone didn’t bother to check if he had bullets, and neither did i. It seems like nothing changes when sharing a city with Vash the Stampede, except my ability to check my own supplies.

We managed to defeat the two bounty hunters by Vash cleverly using the giant one's weapon against himself while I distracted the other one long enough for him to get hit with it as well. I hate to think it but we made a good team. Although his sillness gets the better of him he’s actually very smart if not too passive about how to win a gunfight, i still wonder about this man.  

During the fight we met two insurance girls named Meryl and Millie who are on the lookout for the “real” Vash to keep him under surveillance for a whole twenty four hours. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that the man they were looking for was the poor sap next to me and not a gruesome, womanizing monster, he’s a flirt for sure but hardly a womanizer. We parted not long after but the way Vash’s eyes kept tailing that woman, Meryl, had me guessing this wasn’t the first time he’s seen her. His gaze was too soft and somber to have for a first time meeting.

‘The pain is back, fuck.’

“So you gonna tell me how you know her or do you want to play the fool all night?” Turning to him once again, a sad smile was plastered on his face as he watched her go.

‘It hurts, it hurts a lot’

“I don’t know what you're talking about.” 

“Vash, I've been around for a while and I've seen more than a hundred people with the same look on their face. You know her, you're in love with her.” 

“I would appreciate it if you just let it go, please.” The way his fist clenched and jaw tightened told me enough that it was painful but nothing else.

‘I’m overstepping again’

“Okay.”

Bitter, I was bitter and for what reason I couldn't tell you back then. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to bring it up when we weren’t friends and we didn’t know much about each other either, but I craved painful answers. I desperately wanted the missing knowledge that had him so wind up but i have to let it go.

‘My lungs feel like they’re on fire.’ 

He started to walk away and all i could do was stand there, i didn’t dare reach out to him again. Walking back to town slowly as I followed him from a distance, giving him the space I owed him but then stopped as I stared up at the night sky. It was terribly stunning as I witnessed a rare meteor shower above us leaving me breathless for the first time in years. The glowing worms seemed to take interest as well as they filled the sky next to the shower. I never realized Vash had stopped walking as well until I heard him clear his throat trying to gain my attention tilting his head towards the small run down town.

“I know the bar is destroyed but did you want to find someplace else to grab that drink I still owe you?” 

“It's been two years since we made that promise, I'm surprised you even remembered.” 

“I have a very good memory. Is that a yes?”

“It's not a no but lets see if we can find a place first. Yeah?” I tell him as we walk in sync towards the town with the little bit of pain in my chest hurting a bit less but the ache is still there. Then the coughing started.

“That’s quite a cough you got there, you okay?” 

“Yeah i’m fine it must because its cold out now, you know.” I tell him trying to ease his worries and to convince myself I was fine.

"Weird, I hope I'm not getting sick.’

“Well if you ever need a handsome guy to nurse you back to health i’ll gladly do it, Flower!”

"Flower? Why?" I managed to choke out and resist the urge to fan myself.

"Well you remind me of the pretty flowers in old books, but I guess flower sounds weird. How about petal?" 

'Why must God punish me this way!'

"Well if I call you star boy it's only fair. I suppose you can give me a nickname as well." Be still thy beating heart comes to mind as i gently grasped my shirt over my aching organ.

"Moon flower it is then. To match mine.” 

‘Oh how fitting.’

We spent the next hour going back and forth between diners and shops but nothing. No booze or homemade alcohol in sight but it was okay because after a while we stopped looking and just enjoyed each other's company for the evening. We settled for dinner now with another promise of that drink. I will always think back to that little time we spent together fondly as we departed a few days later.

I wouldn’t see him again for a couple of months this time around but when I did, it was with the insurance girls again and some man carrying a very large cross. The ominous feeling never went away and neither was the horrorbile envy I had towards Meryl. She was stunning,brave,kind, and had such a righteousness to her that when compared to me it was- pathetic. She was someone who deserved to be by Vash’s side, who would fight to stay by his side even if she says it's purely for work but I think that lie was to keep her heart off her sleeve for a while longer.

I kept an eye on the way Vash’s eyes trail after her, wherever she was Vash was never far behind where it would be by her side or hiding from plain sight after a mild scolding from her. I hate her but admire her the same.

During our time apart my chest pain worsened, the coughing fits grew bloody and my body was slowly being overcome with yellowish veins that stretched from my heart to my lower abdomen. It could be easily covered by my clothes but the bloody cough was what gave me away the night of the quick draw contest. The priest was the one to find me hunched over a desk as we both watched in horror as white petals were mixed with large blood clots. 

‘No. Please no.’ I could cry, scream my decaying lungs out but what’s the use now. I’m dying a lonely lover's death, oh how the reaper must weep for one's like me. 

“Have you told him yet? Needle-noggin?” Wolfwood asks him to light a cigarette and walks towards the bathroom.

“It's not him. There's no way, it's a mistake." I couldn't love Vash, it's too soon.

"You really want to keep lying while on your deathbed huh?" Wolfwood threw me a towel as he took another drag.

''By the looks of those petals ya could have a Morning Glory growing inside that lil heart of yours, worse case its a moon flower." 

"Those are poisonous right?" I tried to wipe up the blood and petals but I think it stained the wood floors. I might have to pay a deposit or damage fees.

"Right. So even if you get enough money for the surgery it will be useless since the poison is already in your system. You'll die in a few weeks sweetheart. "

'I'm dying' 

"I guess I should be glad I met a priest when I did huh? Maybe you can bless my grave with some religious crap about heaven or something." I tried to joke around but in the end everything came out in short labored sobs. 

'I'm really dying'

"So you really don't want to tell him huh? " 

"What's the point? I'll be dead soon." Looking back now maybe I should have told him sooner.

Stay tuned for part two coming soon

[industrialdreadhead]

Sorta vent under the cut, just about spinal fusion stuff

I know most of yall don't care. But for me this turned out to be the biggest thing so far in my life. As you know, I'm someone who for the most part, talk about music and bands and such things. But as of 10 months ago I have gotten a Spinal Fusin surgery. Is this going to be a long talk probably. I've sorta keep it out of public eye for all my socials, but have always been happy to share the process, and answer questions my friends have. But that doesn't take away how fucking cool I think this is, for other people who have such thing it has brought me so much closer to some people around the world who have same problems and issues, and we'll spinal fusion. And I think my scar is absolutely amazing!!! And now as I go further is recovery. I want to open up and answer your questions, or tips. Because I think it's a cool things that should be talked about. And I will also talk about my experiences with it. As it has been difficult but opened my eyes so much!!

[gcldfanged]

Just giving a formal hiatus announcement due to my diagnosis. I've already made an appointment with the oncologist, so we will be discussing my upcoming surgery with him in about a week. Afterwards, we will have to schedule when I'm coming to the hospital and go over how long it looks like I might have to stay there. General estimated recovery will be 6 to 8 weeks (or more, seeing as it's an invasive AND complicated surgery), so I'll probably be out of commission for awhile...

I just want to thank everyone who sent me kind words earlier, your support IS greatly helping me process this turn of events.

I'm honestly scared.

I've never had a major surgery of this magnitude before, the most was seeing a dental surgeon for the last half of my wisdom teeth removal since the local painkillers and twilight anesthesia didn't work on me- so that's another concern. I know I will be out entirely for the surgery, but I do have a history of having a high tolerance to strong opioid painkillers (like... I can DRIVE while under the influence of oxy or hydrocodone) and anesthesia.

I will warn them about that, so hopefully it won't be another hurdle in an already difficult looking surgery plan.

I'll keep you posted and thank you again for helping me through what's proving to be a very difficult time of my life.