#if the biopsy does come back positive I’m gonna see if I can get an appt with a nutritionist or dietitian for help with all that

[tocourtdisaster]

Well, just based on how my insides look, my doctor thinks I have celiac. We’re waiting for the biopsy results to come back to make that official, but it looks like there’s going to be a lot of cooking in my future.

[kaimelia]

Heartbeats (Ch.1)

a/n: hi! so, this is something I've been working on for a while and im finally posting it....I'm going to finish paper rings soon but this has been sitting in my computer for too long now and I want to start posting it! I hope you enjoy it :)

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It’d started small; they were at the park, and Link was chasing their four-year-old around the grass as Amelia laid on the blanket, snapping pictures with a wide grin spread across her face. Scout ran into her arms, and she hugged him, glancing up at her husband as he walked back. She noticed a slight limp in his leg and raised her eyebrows in confusion, making a mental note.

“I’m fine,” he muttered, lowering himself onto the blanket across from her. “My leg’s just a little sore. I must’ve slept on it weirdly.” Scout moved from his mother’s embrace to grab the truck he had brought, pushing it around the blanket. Amelia tilted her head to the side.

“Okay, but you’ll tell me if it gets worse, right?” Her voice wavered more than she expected it to, and she knew Link would notice. He grabbed her hand.

“Of course.”

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A week later, she woke up to the sound of him heaving into the toilet. She ran into the bathroom, placing her hand on his back and kneeling on the bathroom floor next to him. “You okay?” He nodded slowly before puking into the ceramic bowl again.

“I feel like crap.” Amelia placed her hand against his forehead, standing up to wet a washcloth.

“I don’t think you have a fever. Is it just nausea?” He breathed heavily once she placed the cool washcloth on his forehead, wiping away the beads of sweat on his face.

“I’m exhausted, too, but that could just be from work.” She frowned sympathetically, running her fingers through his hair.

“Maybe you’re pregnant,” Amelia joked, happy to hear a quick laugh from him.  She glanced up as the bathroom door was pushed open.

“Is daddy okay?” The mother smiled, tousling her husband’s hair and standing up to take her son’s hand.

“Daddy’s just a bit sick. Let’s go get you ready for school, okay?” She led the boy out of their room and into his, helping him get ready for school. He rambled excitedly about his new dinosaur toy as she made waffles for him, pouring an absurd amount of syrup onto the plate. Link came down a few minutes later, rubbing his forehead with his hand. “Hey, you’re feeling better?” He shrugged.

“Gonna call in sick to work and sleep all day.” He placed his hands on his son’s shoulders. Scout turned to his father, excitedly waving the dinosaur in his face. “I can pick this guy up from school.”

“Can we get ice cream?” Amelia raised her eyebrows at her son’s request.

“You’ll have to convince your father on that one.” Scout grinned widely up at his father.

Amelia wasn’t at all surprised when she came home from work to see them eating ice cream in the living room, The Good Dinosaur playing on the TV. She kissed her son’s forehead, receiving an absent-minded greeting from him before his attention diverted back to the movie. She moved to sit on the other side of her husband and curled into his body. “Hi,” she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder. “Are you feeling better?” He pursed his lips tightly.

“Not really. But I’m okay.” She took a moment to look up at him, noticing the unusual paleness of his skin, the slight shake in his hand that was holding his ice cream. Amelia placed her hand over his heart, feeling the quick beating of his heart.

“Are you still having leg pain? From the other day at the park?” He paused for a moment as if in thought before confirming. “You should go relax. Take a nap. I’ve got him for the afternoon.” He hesitantly complied, leaving her to make dinner and amuse their son with conversations about space as he happily ate dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets. Once she heard Link leave the room to shower, she proclaimed it was bedtime, promising to cuddle with the boy before bedtime. He followed her into the master bedroom without complaint, laying down next to her. Link returned to the room later, throwing his clothes into the laundry hamper.

“I think you should go see a doctor. I think that something’s wrong, Link.” He turned to face her at the sound of her soft voice. She was sitting on their bed, leaning back against the headrest with her computer open and about fifty different tabs pulled up, their son sleeping soundly with his head on her chest. Link sighed. “I’ve been keeping track of your symptoms. Leg pain, nausea, fatigue. I’m terrified to think that something’s wrong.” He sat down on the edge of the bed. “We can ask Nico to see you sometime. Just get a scan done or something.”

“You think this is cancer?”

“I think that with your history, it’s not out of the question.” She closed the computer and placed it on the nightstand, wrapping her arms around Scout. “I’m scared of you dying. I would rather fight whatever it is with all of the information we can get.” He moved to sit next to her, pulling her into his side. “It’s not just you and me. We’ve got this little guy to worry about,” she motioned towards the sleeping boy.

“I’ll see if Nico can give me a scan tomorrow.” Amelia turned her head to look up at him.

“Thank you.”

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“There is a mass on your leg. We can do a biopsy to see if it’s cancerous.” Nico’s face was stern as he spoke, although Amelia could hear the slight waver in his voice. She often didn’t think about Link and Nico’s friendship, but at this moment, she could see that this was difficult for the man in front of her. She looked over at Link beside her.

“When can you do the biopsy?” Amelia asked, squeezing Link’s hand. He squeezed hers back, his gold wedding band pressing into her skin.

“I already talked to Bailey, and we can have her do it in about half an hour.” Nico’s hands folded together over the desk. “I can’t be the one to do it. But it’s just a biopsy, and you don’t need an orthopedic surgeon for that.” He said something else that she didn’t quite hear, and he left the room a moment later. She turned to her husband.

“You okay?” Link shook his head.

“No. I just want to go home and hold you and Scout. I don’t want to be here in the hospital.” Her hand settled against his cheek, her thumb wiping away a stray tear that had fallen from his eye.

“Let them do the biopsy, and then we’ll head home.” Amelia helped him to stand up and silently led him to the exam room down the hall. They waited in silence, gripping each other’s hands tightly. Amelia laid her head on his shoulder. “Whatever it is, we’re gonna figure it out, okay?” When Bailey walked in, she offered them a sympathetic smile before asking Link to move onto the table and performing the biopsy. There was an attempt at small talk, yet Link seemed to have turned into a brick wall, ignoring whatever they were saying. The chief promised to rush the results, directing them to wait in her office. As soon as she returned to the office an hour later, the couple knew the results.

“It is cancer. We’ll make an appointment to stage it, and we can get you in soon.” She left a moment later, leaving the couple alone in silence.

“Link?” He looked over at his wife with teary eyes.

“I just wanna go home.” She nodded in understanding, offering him her hand and leading him out of the hospital. They were greeted at their house by their son, who Maggie had watched during the day. He eagerly jumped into his mother’s open arms, ranting about the day’s events.

“You look sad, daddy.” He wrapped his arms around his father’s legs, not noticing the cringe from his father at the pain.

“I’m just tired, Scout. All good.” Amelia rustled her son’s hair.

“Alright, Scout. We’re gonna get you your bath, and then you can come and cuddle with mommy and daddy for a while, okay?” She led the energetic boy into the bathroom, the sound of water running soon filling the home.

“If there’s anything I can do, let me know.” Maggie smiled sympathetically, rubbing Link’s shoulder before letting herself out of the house. He walked into the bathroom and rested against the doorframe. A happy scene played out in front of him; his son splashing water at Amelia, who was sitting outside of the tub. Her smile was genuine, and she looked over a moment later.

“Hey, we’re almost done in here. Quick bath tonight,” she teased, grabbing at her son’s nose. Scout giggled loudly. Link smiled and left the bathroom, changing into his pajamas and flopping onto the bed. There was a knock on the door soon after, Amelia walking in with Scout in her arms, his smile wide as she placed him down on the bed. Scout had always loved sleeping in their bed, curled up between his parents, surrounded by their love, as he would say. He quickly fell asleep, softly mumbling nonsense about dinosaurs and his cousins. Amelia’s eyes met Link’s. “What’re you thinking about?” He brushed his hand through the boy’s blonde hair.

“How terrified I am. Like you said the other night. It’s not just me anymore. I’ve got you and Scout.” He sniffled. “I don’t want to believe it. I think some part of my brain is convinced that if I don’t acknowledge it, it won’t be real.” Their son sighed contently between them, curling into his mother’s body. “It’s cute. How he curls up like that.”

“He was always in this same position when I was pregnant,” she whispered, pulling up the blankets between them. “Even now, almost five years later, he still does it.”

“How are we going to tell him?”

“We’ll wait until we know more, and we’ll explain it simply, answer any questions he has. He’s a smart kid. He’ll probably pick up on it before we get the chance to tell him.”

“You’re so calm about this. Normally, it’s the other way around,” he whispered, moving his arm under the pillow.

“I guess my brain understands that you need me right now. I’m sure I’ll start freaking out any day, now.” He breathed out a soft laugh. “But, I’m also scared. Just doing a better job at masking it.” She reached for his hand across the space between them. “Promise me one thing?”

“Yeah?”

“That whatever it is, you’ll fight. You promised me a few years back that you would always fight for our dreams. My dream is that you’re okay.” He nodded his head quickly.

“Of course.” Her lips turned upward into a small smile. “You have to promise me that you’ll be here whenever I need you. At all my appointments and treatments.”

“Scout and I will bring you ice cream every day.” Link’s eyes fell to their son, watching the rise and fall of his chest. “Try and get some sleep, Link.” She slipped her hand away from him and reached behind her to turn the lamp off, sighing tiredly. “I love you.” His hand found hers again.

“I love you.”

[paintedphoenix]

Noticed MC’s back was breaking from the weight of carrying the diagnostics team, so I decided to count exactly how much of the team’s solves so far are down to them. up to 3.2

Total cases: 12

Solves by MC alone: 6

MC with help (mostly Ethan but lowkey Baz once since he did Leland’s biopsy): 5

June: 1 although mc was literally a patient

Honestly this hurts to type since I literally worship June but wtaf is up with June and Baz they literally solved none of these cases

The sheer absurdity of a second/third year resident solving all (yes I’m saying all bc they only didn’t solve one since they were slightly busy with dying) of this world famous diagnostics team’s cases shocks me. Unless I guess MC is the reincarnation of Einstein and has an IQ of 200. The entire concept of this team is literally nonsensical anyway so idk what I was expecting really

ALSO please lmk if I have my facts wrong or missed anything! Specifically contributions from June and or Baz because I really want to be wrong there lmao

Specifics of each case:

Chapter 2.1-2.2

Patient: Eric

Diagnosis: kikuchi disease + cholecystis

Solve credit: MC

Extra: MC notices he complained about stomach pain specifically after eating

-

Chapter 2.3

Patient: Lamar

Diagnosis: tertiary syphilis

Solve credit: MC

Extra: Just had a lightbulb moment when he was hallucinating

-

Chapter 2.4

Patient: Evelyn

Diagnosis: a scotoma

Solve credit: MC and Ethan (I’m guessing  Ethan only if no diamond scene)

Extra: noticed it other art show when the landscapes she was painting had missing parts compared to the reference. Put them together chronologically and realised she had a growing blind spot

-

Chapter 2.5

Patient: Gwyneth

Diagnosis: tapeworm

Solve credit: MC and Ethan (mc only if no diamond scene)

Extra: they were going through her channel and saw she made steak tartare and came to the conclusion.

-

Chapter 2.6

Patient: Leland Bloom

Diagnosis: aggressive Berger’s disease

Solve credit: MC, Ethan, and lowkey Baz

Extra: they run tests and MC and Ethan decide to do a kidney ultrasound. They do it then say he needs to go to the hospital, Baz does a biopsy then they get the answer. Any of them would have figured this out, it’s just who was around.

-

Chapter 2.10

Patient: Ed Farrugia

Diagnosis: lead poisoning

Solve credit: MC (bonus points for figuring out that it was Travis later)

Extra: MC notices Ed’s memory issues and connects the timing to when he bought his house then puts it together I guess. Then after the paint from the house comes back with a negative test for lead they figure out that Travis poisoned Ed via google search.

-

Chapter 2.11

Patients: Danny, MC and Rafael

Diagnosis: exposure to maitotoxin

Solve credit: June

Extra: MC reports Rafael’s hot cold reversal symptom and it reminds her of a journal she read. She figures out what it is. I’m going to cut mc slack here for not  getting the diagnosis for once bc they were literally dying

-

Chapter 2.13

Patient: Farley

Diagnosis: Lyme disease

Solve credit: Doesn’t really say. Ethan talks about waiting to see if any bacteria shows up in his cultures. MC goes into Farleys room with test results so I guess the bacteria one was positive. I guess I’ll give credit to Ethan and MC. Again, this wasn’t a hard to solve one since it probably just came up on their basic tests and any of them could have got it.

-

Chapter 2.14

Patient: Paula

Diagnosis: altitude sickness caused by drug interaction between ibuprofen and lithium in bipolar medication, and rash caused by poison sumac

Solve credit: MC for altitude sickness and Ethan for poison sumac

Extra: MC and Ethan notice the lithium in Paulas blood and realised that her son was dosing her with bipolar medication. Ethan suggests that she is bipolar first. Also that portrayal of bipolar was offensive bordering on actionable anyways

Im giving MC extra points bc mc first suggested altitude sickness and everyone told them to stfu but they were right. So it was mostly MC imo

-

Chapter 2.16

Patient: Marisa

Diagnosis (cause of her sepsis): intestinal cryptosporidiosis

Solve credit: MC

Extra: mc must have solved this off camera because they literally don’t show it since ch16 is the Ethan’s mom show. Anyways Ethan says that mc’s hypothesis was correct so I’m just gonna them all the credit as per usual

Mc also gets extra points for getting the guy to give a lobe of his liver. I mean they did pressure him into it and it was a bit uncomfortable but whatever they saved the patient extra points for mc

-

Chapter 2.19-2.20

Patient: Caroline

Diagnosis: selective IgA deficiency and an IgA allergy

Solve credit: MC?

Extra: again mc apparently did some magic off camera since baz says ‘we’ve’ discovered her deficiency, and Ethan says ‘we’ suspect that the recent attacks were caused by an external bacteria, but later Ethan says ‘tests confirm your theory, MC. Let’s tell Caroline the good news.’ and they don’t all her anything new other than they identified a number of bacterial strains that they can prescribe treatment for. And Baz literally says that?? Idk what’s going on really

However it was mc that figured out her allergy to immunoglobulin A and that her exposure to it was coming from Leland so all props to them absolute unit

-

Chapter 3.1

Patient: Martha

Diagnosis: hypothyroidism

Solve credit: MC

Extra: MC figures it out because Sienna shows them deceiving cake videos lol and says ‘good decoration can mask almost anything…’. They have a book 1 esque brain baby moment and rush back to the hospital knowing wtf is up

-

Chapter 3.2

Patient: Andrew

Diagnosis: i forgot lol

Solve credit: MC. minus points for ethan and harper sorry

Extra: mc figured it out after talking to aurora and elijah about camping and woods and bugs. another brain baby

[bangtanfancamp]

Of Dusk and Summer

✨ Teaser ✨

Sneak peak at my upcoming one shot!!!

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∴ one shot

∴ playlist/ soundtrack

∴ pairing : Park Jimin x reader

∴ teaser length: 1.8k words

∴ final length: at least 25k + words

∴ rating: Mature (is very soft. And probably doesn’t need one this high but just in case. I’ll amend if need be once story is complete)

∴ genre : coming of age, angst, fluff, romance, bf2l (best friends to lovers), high school au

∴warnings: mentions of emotional abuse and dysfunctional family dynamics, light smut? Sort of? (Intense makeout-still SFW)

Graduation and academic excellence is all Jimin has had his eyes fixed on for as long as he can remember. Today, it finally happens. Today, he finally walks the stage and graduates. Today, his goals finally become reality. Or at least, that’s what he thought-until the best friend he thought he knew inside and out shows up in his window while he’s getting ready, and his life is never quite the same.

Alt: Park Jimin and his best friend have one incredible night that changes what they are to each other forever.

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There it is again- that clattering sound.

That’s at least the fifth time he’s heard it. It’s almost like fingernails tapping against the glass behind him, but that can’t be possible- he’s on the second floor. Every time Jimin looks back at his bedroom window, there’s nothing there.

Not even a pollen drunk honeybee bumping against the glass- nothing. He’s beginning to feel like he’s losing his mind. Turning his attention back to his mirror, he chooses to ignore it this time- he’s finally almost got the knot right in his tie. It’s taken him the better part of twenty minutes to even get this close.

But there it is again.

That sound- the tinkling against the glass.

Before he can stop himself, he’s whipping his head back to look and...there goes the knot. Dang it. Brow furrowed, he frowns down at his tie before giving up completely, sliding it from beneath his collar to chuck it on the floor. Agitated and swearing under his breath, he stomps, disgruntled, toward the accursed window and flings it open.

“For the love of God, what is — Y/n??” Jimin looks positively gobsmacked, because there you are- your palm full of rocks, arm cocked mid-throw as your silky red graduation robes flutter in the breeze.

“There you are! Took you long enough.” You taunt him from the lawn.

“What the heck are you doing here? Graduation’s in less than an hour!” Jimin is a patient man, but this is not remotely the time for shenanigans.

“Don’t you think I know that? Why do you think I’m here?” You roll your eyes, striding across the lawn before hiking up your robe to reveal denim shorts and hoisting yourself up the ivy trellis on the front of the house.

“I don’t know why you’re here! That’s why I’m asking- y/n, what are you doing? My mom just fixed that trellis! You know she hates when you stomp through her garden! Why can’t you just use the front door like a normal person?” Jimin tips his head to the side in frustration, strands of his silky black hair falling into his eyes before he can push them away.

‘Because, Chim, I don’t need to go through the rest of the house when I have a direct route to the person i'm here to see. Now move- let me through.” You dip your head and crouch as Jimin resignedly steps back to give you room to slip through the window.

“You still haven’t told me why you’re here, y/n, or why you couldn’t just call to say whatever it was. We’ve got to get ready to go.” Turning back to his dresser, he begins to hunt for his black bow tie from Prom- maybe he’ll have better luck with that.

“That’s just it, Chim. That’s why I’m here.” You’re still standing resolute in front of the window, dodging as a pair of Jimin’s swim shorts fly past your face in his hunt for his bow tie.

“Do you need a ride to graduation?” His confusion is apparent in his tone as he moves to ransack his closet. “Goddamn it, where is my bow tie?! I don’t have time for thi-

“No, because I’m not going, Chim.” Your voice is so quiet, he almost misses it.

“I know i put it right— wait. You’re what?” His face goes slack as he turns back to face you. “What do you mean?”

Sighing, you cross the room to grip his shoulders. “I mean- I can't do this. I’m not going to graduation today, Jimin.”

“Are you crazy? You have to go!” He searches your eyes for some sign that this is a joke but doesn’t find one.

“No actually- we don’t have to go. It’s optional,” you say softly as Jimin frowns.

“I don’t think that means what you think it means, Y/n.”

“If you’ve completed all your finals and have a high enough GPA, you don’t actually have to walk. Pietro Salazar got strep last year the day before and didn’t attend and still got a diploma,” you shrug.

“Because he had strep! Do you? Are you ill?” He questions as he presses the back of his hand to your forehead. You swat it away and frown at him.

“No, I don’t have a fever! I’m serious.” There’s a grit in your tone that he’s not used to and doesn’t understand.

“Are you sure? Because you’re clearly either mad with fever or just plain lost your mind because this is crazy! You’re being crazy,” he huffs. He doesn’t mean to sound so belligerent- really, he doesn’t- but he doesn’t understand. The clock to graduation is ticking down, and you’re standing in front of him like a lost sheep while he has an aneurysm over the fact that he can maintain a 3.9 GPA but can’t manage to tie a goddamn tie. He loves you, he does, but he just doesn’t have the patience for whatever this is right now. Still, he thinks, She’s your best friend: word it better than that. He sighs and tries again when he realizes his frustration isn’t going to get through to you.

“Y/n, we’ve been looking forward to today for years. You can’t just decide to not go half an hour before-“ he glances at the wall clock behind you as his throat suddenly seizes up.” Oh my god, it’s only half an hour til four?? Y/n, we can talk about whatever alien tried to do a biopsy on your brain later, but we have got to go!” He tries to slip out of your grasp, but your grip around his biceps only tightens.

“I’m serious, Jimin. I’m not going.” You look more resolute than he’s ever seen you before- much too focused, with much too much clarity for a woman who’s clearly lost her mind.

“B-but you’re Valedictorian! I would’ve killed to make valedictorian. You know how hard I tried. Why in the world would you just not show up?” He looks at you like you’ve grown an extra head.

“Because! I’m just not. That’s all there is to it. I’ve got to get out of here, Chim. And I... came to see if you’d come with me.” Your eyes are softer then as you brace for his reaction.

“Come with you?” The words feel strange leaving his mouth.

“Yeah, I took the truck. It’s got a full tank of gas. I’ve got a backpack full of everything we’ll need- I just... need my best friend.” Your eyes meet his, and he realizes you’re serious.

“I - Y/n, what's really going on?” Brows pinched, his dark eyes search your face for a reason you aren’t ready to give him.

“Look, I know today is a big deal for you. I’m not a complete jerk. You know I know that. I just- I need to do this. And if you can’t come, I at least wanted you to hear it from me so-“

“Y/n where are you even gonna go?” He cuts you off. Breaking out of your grip to card his fingers through his hair, he studies you as he waits for your response.

“I don’t know for sure,” you say honestly. Jimin is not amused by how little you’ve prepared for this.

“ Are you leaving- like permanently? Or just like, going to hide out down at the froyo spot?” He frowns, wincing at how caustic his stress is making his tone. You look a bit hurt, and he tries to soften his voice to hide his impending hysteria as the clock ticks behind you.

“Cause if you’re asking me to run away with you indefinitely, I can’t leave my cat behind. You know my mom can’t stand her. Do I need to bring her? Cause if you’re thinking this is long term and I don’t bring her, I won't have a pet to come home to when we come galavanting back from Narnia.” His eyes are far off, detached as he rambles over the semantics of it all. That’s what he does. He’s the thinker. You’re the dreamer. He’s just doing his best to get a grasp on it all.

“What? No, Jimin- Calico’s gonna be fine. I have a couple of ideas- I just... know I need to get out of here, at least for today.” There’s something off. About all of this. This isn’t like you. You don’t do things like this. What is going on with you?

There’s a look in your eyes he’s never seen before. Five years of friendship and somehow there’s a panicked terror in your gaze that’s entirely brand new to him. Except, it’s not. Somehow, it’s strangely familiar. It’s just never been this bad. It makes him wonder…

“Y/n...is it your mom again?” His face is soft with concern and the second he sees your features shift he knows he has his answer. He catches the way your eyes harden, the way you swallow, the way it looks like you’re about to crawl out of your skin. There it is. Dang it. He can’t leave you like this. Not again.

Shaking your head, you plant your feet and try one more time to meet his eyes. Sniffling, you tell him in a voice laced with conviction, “It doesn’t matter. Chim, I’m leaving- are you coming or not?” You palm your keys in your hand as you pin him with a look.

A heavy sigh tumbles from his chest as he realizes what he’s about to do. “I know there’s something more to this that you’re not telling me…” he states calmly as your eyes fall away from his. “But I’m not gonna leave you alone with whatever this is.”

Your face snaps up to his, relief flooding you as you crash into him, embracing him in an excruciatingly tight hug. “Oh my god, thank you.”

He holds you back, arms firm around your waist, and gives himself a minute to realize what he’s committing to. No official cap and gown. No cheesy pictures with his parents. No walking with his classmates to receive the paper declaring that he’s finally, officially an adult. No final milestone of high school.

But there’ll be you….

And as he feels the warmth of you melt against his neck, maybe that’s all he needs.

His mother will probably kill him. No, she’ll definitely kill him. But if today is supposed to signify his transition into adulthood, then maybe it’s time he makes his first real stance in what kind of man he’s going to be.

To make his first proper adult decision.

Figures it would somehow be tied to you.

“All right, all right,” pulling himself out of your grip, Jimin tries to ignore the way your relieved smile and watery eyes tug at something in his chest. He’s never been able to explain his irrational soft spot for you, least of all right now. “If we’re gonna do this, then we’ve gotta go now. Just let me grab a few things,” he sighs.

(to be continued)

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Author’s note: hey guys!!! Hope you enjoyed. This piece is incredibly special to me. And I can’t wait to share the rest with you. The story will be told from both Jimin and Y/N’s perspectives and will hopefully be going through final revisions in the coming week. - christiana ✨

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list!!!!

[fifteen84]

I’m pregnant. I’m 14 weeks today. It has not been easy and I doubt it will, but I’m trying to stay positive that everything will be okay.

Everything was okay in the beginning. And then I started to experience this bleeding. It come and go. Sometimes it’s just streaks and sometimes it’s period like with clots.

I’m seeing 3 doctors at the moment. Last doc I went to, she found growth in my cervix. Sample was taken and now I’m waiting anxiously for biopsy results.

Our sonographer also found bleeding in my uterus during our NT Scan. And because of this, I was asked again, to rest more and limit physical activities.

Not doing well mentally and spiritually too. Because of bed rest and other restrictions, I missed Sunday masses and days of obligations. I went for masses sometimes when I feel better but the day after, the bleeding always came back again - and it’s always worse than before. I rushed to hospital so many times because of this and was hospitalised one time because the bleeding just won’t stop.

However, thank God, so far, every time this happened, my baby is okay. Last scan showed the baby heartbeats are normal and strong - which is a very good news.

But of course, this bleeding is scary. Doctors told me that this is threatened miscarriage and that makes it even scarier - cos I don’t know wth is going on every time I bleed and if I’m gonna lost my baby or not.

Mentally - I stopped taking my antidepressants and sleeping pill the moment I knew I was pregnant. Went to see my psychiatrist for follow up and he said I cannot stop cold turkey because that can be more dangerous to myself and my baby.

He put me back on Zoloft but on very low dosage with warning - I have to fight my demons whenever I’m feeling down and to contact him asap if I feel like I can’t do it on my own. I feel bad, still taking meds during my pregnancy and I’m worry about the effects. But doc said it doesn’t affect much and to have a healthy pregnancy, the mother must be happy too. Well, he should know better. Ikut jak la.

This bleeding has been going on for nearly 2 months, on and off. Don’t count the off periods cos it’s just one to two days. It does make me stress - cos I’m worried all the time. Every time the bleeding gets worse, I have to rush to hospital to see if my baby is safe; if the heartbeat is still there? Is the baby growing?

And this bed rest and restrictions are making me restless. I’m afraid to go out cos whenever I do, the bleeding got worse. But staying at home, doing nothing (doc gave me long break from work to avoid unnecessary stress) makes me feel - I don’t know - even worse?

I think too much - even when I’m praying. And I think about late dad a lot lately. I miss a lot of things and people. But there’s nothing much I can do. I also hate that I am a burden now to people - especially those who came to help me.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m really happy that I’m pregnant and I wish nothing but for this baby to grow healthily. But at the same time, this pregnancy is wrecking me to pieces; especially emotionally and spiritually.

It’s easy for people to say, sabar and take it easy. It is not easy. This is not easy. I don’t hate this baby, but I hate myself. I really hate myself, more than everyone else hates me because there is so many things that is wrong with me.

I just wish and hope that this bleeding stop, and I can carry on with this pregnancy without any worries.

I want to have a peaceful sleep, waking up fresh in the morning without worrying about how much blood is there on my pad and if my baby is okay or not.

I’m tired.

[4ever-untitled]

Better Call Saul - S3Ep9: “Fall”

TV reviews? Yep. This is something I’ve wanted to try for a while and I figure I should start with one of my favorite shows currently on air. So here ya go.

“Who needs money when you’ve got the moral high ground?”

A lot happens in “Fall”. To a lesser show, this can be detrimental. Sometimes we need breathing room to process everything that happens, and piling on too many stories can make an episode feel exhausting. 

But this is Better Call Saul. They know the perfect amount of plot that won’t overwhelm the audience, but will also make sure they feel they got more than their money’s worth. Plus, at this point in the series, we’ve all come to love (or hate, or love-hate) the characters so much that every little thing they do is delightful to watch, even if it’s something mundane, or something we know is wrong.

We all love watching Jimmy do his thing, right? He’s the good guy! Okay then. So even if he makes an adorable old lady lose all her friends and start to break down crying at a bingo hall just so he can swipe a quick 1 mil off of her settlement money, you’re still gonna root for him? Yeah. Exactly. When he got her the shoes, I was still on board. When he was gossiping to her friends, I was still on board. Even when he rigged the bingo game, I was still reluctantly on board. But when Irene ran off crying and he starts acting dumb to get her to settle, I was pretty much completely off the Jimmy train. Sure, he did it for Kim too, but he did that thing he always does where he assumes Kim will want a solution to their problems no matter the cost. I’m sure Kim would flip her shit if he found out about what he did to Irene. Seriously, I don’t know what it is about old ladies crying, but it was genuinely hard to watch. It just sucks to know that, even when you get up to the silver years, bullies are still real and friends can still abandon you like we’re all back on the playground in 4th grade. Fuck you for that one, Jimmy. You may as well already be Saul Goodman. 

Of course, Jimmy isn’t the only reprehensible character. Chuck once again continues to be nothing but a liability for everyone in his life. After Howard oh-so-gently suggests that he retire, Chuck makes the very logical decision to throw another one of his signature hissy-fits and sue the whole friggin’ company. I’m with Howard on this one; “God damn it, Chuck.”

Strangely enough, Howard becomes the voice of reason in this episode, not only attempting to get Chuck to be reasonable, but also telling off Jimmy for his greed and selfishness in the Sand Piper case. See, that’s what is so exciting about this episode. Now that he’s truly shown his dark side, I suddenly have a whole new perspective on Jimmy, and therefore a new perspective on his rivals. Just one episode ago, I was all gung-ho for Jimmy and was totally anti-HHM. And while Chuck is still the literal worst, I find myself rooting for Howard now.

He’s not the only one I’m rooting for though. There’s still Kim, and I will always love Kim. She is a dedicated, no-nonsense worker, as well as a good friend to Jimmy even when he doesn’t deserve it, which is more often than not. Her one flaw, of course, is also how dedicated she is. Her need to get her work done both well and quickly is often unhealthy, and we get to see that unhealthiness come back to bite her as she literally crashes and burns. The scene with her car getting stuck in the dirt kinda washed over me when I first watched it, but the final shot retrospectively turned it into a brilliant bit of foreshadowing. Kim is always on the edge of of losing control of her life. She works herself nearly to death and, while she is an excellent lawyer, she has to slow down if she ever wants to live a normal life. 

There have been gunfights, beatdowns, and all kinds of violent scenes in Better Call Saul, but Kim’s car crash may be the most harrowing and visceral shot they have pulled off yet. They hold the camera on Kim just long enough for the audience to think that maybe something bad is gonna happen, but before it’s certain, they pull the trigger and cut to a bloodied Kim, zooming out to reveal all her hard work getting lost in the Albuquerque wind. It’s sad, but it’s also kind of amazing.

Besides that, we get Mike facing Lydia (ugh) for a “position” at Madrigal and Hector, unfortunately for Nacho and his father, not dying of a heart attack. Both subplots are very simple, but they’re still solid, and combined with the near perfection of the other storylines, “Fall” is a total gamechanger character-wise, and may just be the best episode of the season. Next week is the season finale, and my god I am so excited. So many new conflicts, so much character growth, and so many possibilities for an insane cliffhanger to lead us into season 4. Next Monday can’t come soon enough.

Shot of the week - I will never get over that car crash sequence. Ever. 

Quote of the week - Jimmy’s ad libs on the bingo ball numbers are always a delight. They start clever (“B9. Let’s hope that biopsy comes back be-nign.”) but eventually he kinda runs out of steam (”It’s B12...like the vitamin.”)

Performance of the week - I have to hand it to Michael Mondo for Nacho’s gut punch of a scene with his father. Combined with last episodes fantastically tense pill switch, Mondo is really starting to show off his chops. I also want to shout out to Kim for her performance in the crash scene. Literally everything about that sequence was perfect.

Extra notes: Jimmy wants Kim to stay at the office another 5 minutes, and suggest she could drive 60 instead of 55 to make it there at the same time. First off, would that work? Secondly, if Kim had stayed the 5 minutes and then had driven faster to get there, she may not have survived the crash. Damn.

- Sooo, did the pills not work? Did Hector take different pills? I need answers now! I don’t want Nacho to die. Please. He’s the new Jesse honestly. I hope the reason he’s not in Breaking Bad is because he gets out of the business and not because he bites the dust. Get out while you can, Nacho!

- The Madrigal employee who speeds by on a segway is a prime example of those little details that make me adore this show.

- I have to know: Is mall walking a real thing old people do? Oh and is chair yoga a real thing too? I’m very out of touch with the elderly community. Someone on the inside lemme know.

- My first TV review! How did I do? Should I grade these or no? Lemme know.

[heleftnowwhat]

I haven’t written in a while. I have had some repeat doggy clients so I wanted to wait for a new one to write about.

OMG, I just had a my tiniest guest today. Diego is a 10 week old, 3lb Beagle/Chihuahua mix. This was his first visit and he did very well. I assumed that he would play for an hour and sleep for an hour and I was correct. I took him out every 60-90 mins to go potty, which he did. All and all, a great first visit. I believe that he will be coming back, YAY!!

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 Like I said, I have had some repeat clients….here they are…

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Also, A friend and I went back to PA for a weekend in Sept. We joined my sister’s team, to walk and to raise money and awareness of Melanoma. It was fun and very successful. I am excited to say that my sister has had her 12th and final treatment and all looks good now. She is so strong. This is her story…..

My Melanoma Madness Family history: none Number of full skin checks I had through my life: zero Melanoma type: Acral Lentiginous (subungual) the most common in Asian, Hispanic and African American races. Of which I am not. This type of melanoma makes up less than 5% of all melanomas. Melanoma is the deadliest form of skin cancer. Timeline: Years and years ago I got a mole on the cuticle line of my left big toe. It was fine. Appeared normal. I thought it odd to get a mole on my toe, but I was not concerned. Fast forward to sometime in late 2017-ish I notice I have what I think is a blood blister. It’s near or on or around the “mole”. So I google blood blister on toe. Because who googles toe cancer??? I go several months until having it looked at.

May 2018: I’m in my 3 month diabetes check appointment with my Doc and at the end of appointment, I ask him to look at my toe. He glances at it and tells me it’s ugly and I should cover it for a week and if it doesn’t improve I should go see a podiatrist. Ok!!! Sounds easy. So I do what he tells me and it seems to start to dry up so I don’t go to the podiatrist.

September 17th 2018: Ok, I give!!! Made an appointment with the podiatrist because it seemed to get worse again. I go in, sit down and show him my “blood blister”. Instantly he tells me it is a wart. Oh! I ask if warts oozed and bled. He shook his head and told me no and that he wanted to biopsy it to see what kind of wart it was so he knew what type of antibiotic he may need to prescribe. OUCH. That kind of hurt. But ok! The results will be in in 7-10 days. Thanks doc. So, because I’m impatient, I go buy a wart freezing kit and try to freeze the little bitch off. HOLY CRAP. OUCH IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT. And it obviously wasn’t even worth the pain. Tic tock…. tic tock September 28th (10 business days later): I call the office to ask about results. I am told there are none. Sometimes these things could take up to a month they say. Of course, I argued that and said that the doctor told me 7 to 10 business days. They shrug and say they hope it’ll be in next week. HOPE?????? Mind you, I struggle with anxiety and unknown things are huge a trigger for me. Ok. Sigh.

October 5th 2018: Ring ring. Hi, this is Stephanie Heart. Calling to see if results are in. Nope. What the hell????? Ok. This is science. Deep breaths. October 17th 2018: Cell phone rings. I’m in middle of something and can’t answer my phone. Voice mail says: “ hello this message is for Dr. B…, this is so-and-so from the pathology lab in Maryland and I need to speak with you directly about one of your patient’s biopsies” UMMMMM….. what the hell? Now I’m freaked out. So of course I call back and leave a message. No response. Text— no response. Call doctors office and leave urgent message with answering service. Call doctors office again first thing in morning and start pushing. Hard. Turns out the initial abnormal results were in a couple weeks ago and lab was doing further testing. WHICH NOONE INFORMED ME OF. The lab certainly broke some rules by accidentally calling me directly. They say they will have doctor call me. 15 min later he does. Tells me same story. Says he is trying to get in touch with pathology lab and will get the results for me and I can pick them up in office tomorrow. Ok. Fine. Instantly google cancer on toe, because why else would a lab be trying to reach the doc?

October 18th (my cancerversary, I guess) I arrive at the office and go to desk and say I’m here to see the doctor about my results. They tell me he gave us this for you and hand me a sealed envelope. Um. Alright. I leave office and am in lobby. Remember, I’m impatient. So I open envelope while alone in the lobby. And all I see is MALIGNANT MELANOMA and I am alone. Frozen. Oh. Also a note with a referral to a dermatologist. That bastard let me read that alone. Ok. Now it’s a search and destroy mission. I immediately call this dermatologist and fax over results while I am on the phone. While scheduling the appointment with the receptionist, she asked me to hold on and out of nowhere this doctor gets on the phone. He tells me that he would gladly see me, however, he would be telling me immediately to get to a surgeon at Fox Chase Cancer Center and gave me the name. He told me that this was a deep tumor and it would have to be removed. Holy shit. This is serious. Like WAY serious. My fingers instantly started dialing the number to the doctor he referred me to. They were amazing on the phone while I cried and they got me set up for an appointment with the chief of surgery in less than a week. Begin massive anxiety attacks. Google. Bing. Explorer. Knowledge is power.

October 25th, 2018 Appointment with surgeon. The guy who saved my life. Tells me that the depth on the report puts me at a stage 2. Which means they remove it and then do a sentinel lymph node biopsy to check the nearest lymph node to see if it spread. But only 20% chance it would have. And then he tells me that to remove it, they have to amputate the top half of my big toe. Wait. WHAT??? Alligator tears begin flowing. Sends me on my way to schedule surgery.

November 2, 2018 Surgery day. Maybe after today I won’t have cancer anymore. Ativan on board I head to the hospital with my army. Long day of waiting and tests. Blood work. They do the injection for sentinel lymph node biopsy. Waiting and scans. Then it’s time to head back. I don’t remember any of it. Wake up. Foot is wrapped and I have a nerve block. They said they were sure they got clean margins. So as long as lymph node comes back clean, I would be cancer free! Remember only 20% chance of the lymph node being malignant. They send me home same day with healing instructions and tell me results will be in in 7-10 days. I’ve heard this before. Anxiety is in high overdrive. My family and friends took amazing care of me. But in the midst of this I told the boyfriend to take a hike. Zero empathy and he couldnt understand my fuss. It was only a toe. Not even a whole toe. It wasn’t like it was a boob or a lung. I’m sorry…. you’re out of my circle now. Piss off.

1 week later: Still no results. Tic tock. All I can think of is just getting back to work and I did. I work from home so was able to do some work and elevate.

About 12 days post op: Guess who is in the 20%???? Of course I am. Worst news I could have gotten. I now have stage 3 melanoma. Stage 3. Are you kidding me? You have to be. Now what? Time to have a PET scan of my entire body to see if it has spread anywhere. This would place me at stage 4. Thank goodness, it had not spread. I remain stage 3, but now I have to face a year of immunotherapy treatment with CT scans, skin checks, MRIs, ultrasounds and a slew of other tests every 3 months or so.

November 28 First meeting with medical oncologist. He details the plan of action to do everything we can to make sure the beast stays away. Melanoma is really sneaky and can just show up anytime anywhere. Sigh. A lifetime of anxiety. There is no cure. We set up the treatment plan.

December 5,2018 Treatment day. Lab work first to see if my body can handle it. Meet with oncologist again. Then head to the infusion room. Walk in and there are a ton of cancer patients in their chairs hooked up to IVs. Not gonna lie. It was scary and I couldn’t believe I was there. They begin the infusion after mixing the medicine. They have to wait for doc approval for this as they bill my insurance company $115,000 a month for this drug. Yes, the comma is in the right place. Infusion begins. And ends just as fast. Only about 30 min. And they send me home. Almost instantly, my entire body is hot and so itchy. A normal side effect. Any type of “itis” is. I’ll take that over chemo though. The itch continued for 2 months. My first 2 treatments.

Wash rinse repeat. I just completed my 6th of 12 treatments. I’ve had some scans and skin checks in between. So far…. I am FREE of cancer. We call this NED. No evidence of disease. And we celebrate this.

A few things I have learned: Not all melanoma comes from the sun, but most does. Mine didn’t. I am now susceptible to any and all skin cancers as well as having an increased risk of developing other types. I must be diligent with protecting myself from the sun. When in doubt, get it checked. Schedule yearly dermatology appointments. ADVOCATE for yourself for fast treatment and diagnosis. You are never too busy to take care of your health. In times of crisis you really learn who your true circle of people are. Mine is huge and I am truly blessed.

I am so thankful for the care I have received and continue to receive from everyone at Fox Chase Cancer Center. They literally have saved my life.

I still struggle with anxiety and depression and some pain and swelling. But I’m managing it by staying informed and positive and laughing at things. That’s how I deal. Gotta laugh. My side effects haven’t been horrible from treatment. I hope that my story can help at least one person to get help if needed. Early detection is KEY to surviving melanoma.

I am a melanoma warrior. A survivor. And I plan on keeping it that way.

GET CHECKED PEOPLE!!!

Doggy Guest #30 Diego and more I haven't written in a while. I have had some repeat doggy clients so I wanted to wait for a new one to write about.