#if that makes sense but idk i find that i struggle to be coherent

[lotus-piers]

orufrey are a softer more emotionally elevated and complex version of nanago and no one can convince me otherwise

[thegnomelord]

I love your monster au so much. It makes the monsterlover/fucker in me real happy. Sorry just wanted to share my appreciation.

I've been thinking too, how would you feel about writing a underwater sea creature reader? (No pressure but I hope this idea tickles your fancy so I'll infodump my ideas on you) They can live on land and stuff but drag their prospective mate into a deep underwater ravine when they want to mate. Idk how to describe it, like I have an idea in my head of what the creature's traits would be but I can't find a way to put it into words.

I'm going to give it a try though, (excuse the fact it won't make much sense, my thoughts jump around a lot. But I'll try and make it coherent.) Basically, my mind went to underwater dragons. So with most of the traits that you wrote for dragons, like the purring and the tails intertwining (and the sharing of scales). But I was thinking without wings, because you don't need them underwater. But we glow in the dark, because we are deepsea creatures we have adapted to become bioluminescent. Oh and also we have gills and stuff still when we are on land.

Idk if this is confusing or just something you don't want to write but I was hoping for you to include a more sfw part with the mating dance maybe and then then an actual nsfw part (dom top male reader??)

But at the end of the day this is just a suggestion and it's up to you if you want to write it or not. (If you do write it can it be with ghost or gaz?? gaz giving us shiny things but sea related, like shells? and/or ghost struggling through knowing how to court us. Both of them being confused of what to do because we are a new type of dragon that not many people knew existed and our courting traditions are mostly unknown??

Okay this is cool and it tickles my brain of having just this big fucking monster that's gigantic due to deep sea gigantism :D, I also picked Gaz cause I like the sea/sky duality.

CW:NSFW, subbot gaz, domtop Mreader, quick and rough

When you first joined the taskforce, Gaz didn't know what to expect. Your species had been newly discovered, barely any information about you, but something about you put some ancient part of his mind on edge, ants nipping on the sinew of his wings until his body begged to return to the safety of the sky.

First time he met you, you reminded him less of a dragon and more of a Leviathan — something that dwelled where the light didn't reach, far too big than anything should be allowed to be, bright bioluminescent markings shimmering against dark scales to lure prey into crushing jaws filled with sharp crooked teeth, horns like spears to pin down what couldn't fit in your maw, powerful legs built to swim and breach the surface of the water to catch unaware flyers like Gaz just to pull them down into the abyss to be devoured.

He would have been more. . . unsettled by you had you not been so nice.

You towered over him even in your mostly human form, but you were a gentle giant, happy to let him use you as a perch and humming along as he talks, joining in on his and Johnny's pranks and hiding them when Price eventually catches them.

And Gaz doesn't even notice when your presence no longer makes his feathers puff up, the shadow you cast over him now warm and welcoming after all the times you'd been a meat shield for him. He tils his head back to catch sight of your eyes as he leans back, soft feathers rubbing against your clothes, "Hey there big man." Gaz smiled.

You hum, your hand coming to loosely hold his hip, holding the pretty thing close to you. "Hi." You purr, the small biolights along your body flickering in seemingly random patterns, but nothing about them was random to you or your kin, your interest in him painfully obvious.

But to your dismay Gaz doesn't understand, just snorts at your colorful display. "What's got you in a good mood today?" He asks, eyes tracing the dancing lights, that instinctual bird part of his mind liking the sight, and the low rumble of your voice, and just. . . being near you.

You blink, "You," You say simply, your people aren't ones to mince words.

Gaz can feel his body heat up at your declaration, feathers puffing up, but strikes down any thoughts about you before they turn inappropriate and cause him to coo at you. "Fine, keep yer secrets." He huffs and gets out of your hold, wings stretching out to purposely show off his feathers as he walks away, tail feathers flickering.

He can feel your eyes follow after him, hummingbirds pecking at his spine and he doesn't know if he should feel that way. And all you can think of is how you could drag your pretty bird down into the abyss without clipping his wings.

. . .

Gaz watches you lazily swim around the lake near their current base in your real form, "Havin' a nice soak in there Nessie?" He asks as he walks the short pier and sits down, dipping his feet in the water as his wings spread out lazily behind him.

A low rumble leaves you like a distorted whale song, your large form pushing through the water like a submarine cutting through the ice. "Nessie?" You ask as swim over to him, "Who's that?"

"Never mind about that," Kyle grins, his eyes roaming along your large form as the biolights flicker once again in that specific pattern that means nothing to him but everything to you. "You look happy."

You shrug, "It's nice to be back in the water." Without a word you heave yourself out of the water and onto the pier, large hands clutching the wood on either side of him, a deep purr rumbling in your chest at how close he is to you now. "Did you need something?" You ask, biolights flickering seductively.

Kyle swallows drily, eyes going wide as he registers you loom over him, can smell the sea and salt still clinging to your scales, something other than fear buzzing down his spine from how close your dangerous teeth are to him. "Oh, right, uh," He clears his throat to clear the molasses clinging to it, wings spreading out in a way that got his feathers shining in the setting sun as he reached into his pocket.

"I, um. . . I got you this." He said, holding out the seashell he'd found for you. His breath caught in his throat as you looked at it, hoping you liked it; he'd spent hours polishing it until it was shining, the colors vibrant and every single scratch buffed out.

"Thank you," You rumbled and took the seashell into your hand. Your pupils dilated, a very pleased purr rumbling in your chest — oh, he was so thoughtful, such a good mate to bring a rare treat for you.

Kyle felt like a bloody peacock at the way his wings spread out, but he couldn't care less about his posturing when you accepted his gift, his heart fluttering like butterflies in a jar.

Then you ate it.

You ate his gift.

His heart shatters like the seashell between your fangs, wings dropping like a rock, never having expected to be rejected like that. "I- what- why did- if you-" He couldn't even form words to say what he wanted, pressing a hand to his face in an attempt to hide the way his eyes prickled with vestiges of tears.

Unfortunately for him, you notice. "Oh, little bird, what's wrong?" Your voice is soothing, biolights pulsing in a slow and calming way as you gently pry his hand from his face, looking into his eyes. "Did I do something wrong?"

Kyle doesn't look you in the eyes, doesn't know what the hell to feel right now, the words spewing out of his mouth before he could control them. "Why would you do that!" He hisses.

You tilt your head. "You gifted it to me." You say like it's supposed to explain everything, reaching up to cup his cheek, your clawed hand cold and wet against his skin. "It was very good." You lean in closer, a deep purr rumbling in your throat, your long tail moving to curl around his leg.

Kyle sucks in a sharp breath as you push you loom over him your hands on either sides of him keeping him in place, feeling himself slowly lay back as you creep over him onto the pier, heart drumming in his chest. "Wh-what?"

You snort, eyes glowing like anglerfish lures, lowering your head down to lick a stripe up his neck, claws raking down his front. "Let me show you my appreciation, yes?"

Kyle shivers at the sensation of your teeth against his throat, body heating up, your scent — of sea and salt and something very very old — invading his nose, an involuntary chirp escaping his chest. "Ah, yeah, sure just-" Kyle yelps as your claws cut through his clothes, wings quivering as they're pressed against the wooden pier behind him.

"Relax little bird," You coo softly, licking around his lips in what counts as a kiss for you when your maw is filled with vicious teeth, tongue trailing down to lick up the drops of his salty sweat. "I'll be gentle."

And gentle you are; softly licking up the blood after your fangs had left marks on his skin, sharp claws holding his trembling hips tenderly as your rough tongue worms inside him, soft purrs and deep rumbles vibrating your tongue against his prostate until he's sobbing, his hands clutching your horns to hold your head closer as his cock leaks a puddle of pre onto his abdomen.

He whines when you continue stretching him with your tongue, "Please, mate, just-" Kyle sucks in a sharp breath as your tongue once again grazes his prostate, thighs clenching around your head. "-just please fuck me already! I can't- I'm not going to-"

Kyle sobs with joy and anguish when you pull your tongue out, the slimy appendage slithering back into your maw and leaving him painfully empty. "Alright, alright," You coo, moving up to drape your body over his, nuzzling your cheek against his as you line your hard cock with his stretched hole. "Relax,"

The tip of your cock breaching his puckered hole has Kyle sucking in a sharp breath, "Easier said than done mate," He chuckles, closing his eyes and just trying to focus on your scent and just you, groaning. Fuck, you're big in all aspects, his body clenching down like a vice before relaxing enough for you to slowly push further, spreading his walls wide until you're fully inside him, your hips resting against his.

"There you go," You purr, letting Kyle adjust as you nibble on his neck, biolights flickering happily when he rocks his hips into yours. "Taking me so well,"

Gaz can feel his body heat up at your words, throwing his head back when you rock your hips, cock hard and heavy inside him, dragging against his walls with every minute movement that has him panting and whining, his legs crossing behind your back to pull your hips closer every time you pull out.

The world escapes your notice, all your attention fully on him as you focus on mating him, pulling needy desperate sounds from Kyle's lips, your large hand gently stroking his leaking dick as your cock rubs against his prostate, your unhurried pace making him cum again and again and again until he's a moaning boneless mess by the time you cum inside him.

[kindlespark]

this is gonna be SO long and rambly sorry anyway i saw a post abt how babel does queer characters and it got me thinking abt why the tropes it uses would usually turn me off other stories but didn’t here

MAJOR BABEL SPOILERS //

i feel like i’d be more mad abt how robinramy ended up in babel if it marketed itself as queer lit at all or if its fans were going “WOW AMAZING QUEER REP” abt it. but no one told me any of that, so finding out they were gay was just a fun little bonus surprise to me. i get why ppl are eh abt robinramy not getting together/technically still being subtext (which i dont think is really true btw like the book literally says “robin was falling in love” but idk i guess if you were stupid you might’ve assumed that it was falling in love with oxford given how romantic some of the other language is (WHICH IS ALSO THE POINT bc i think robin’s friendship with ramy blurring into romance is why he romanticised like all his friendships/experiences in oxford BUT IM GETTING OFF-TOPIC)). i just think robin’s repression abt being gay was intrinsically tied to his attitudes on imperialism (wrt refusing to acknowledge anything that complicated his life until it was too late) and i don’t consider it a cop out or queerbait. like i genuinely don’t think robinramy could ever have gotten together without drastic alterations being made in terms of plot and character. plus i think it’s clear that kuang didn’t want to write a story with any kind of focus on romance at all, because it’s not that kind of book. there’s no successful het romance either, so it grates a lot less. the only reason romance is included at all is to show the ways in which white entitlement manifests. so the tragic way robinramy played out just made sense to me.

and i speak as someone who accidentally spoiled myself on You Know What in the middle of reading and i was like ugghh boooo dreading it the whole time expecting to roll my eyes when it happened but then when it did i was like. wow im actually not that mad LMFAO 😭😭😭 actually thematically the book sets it up so well that i believed that this was unfortunately the only way it could’ve gone. babel is about the loss and tragedy and grief that colonised people experience. it’s about the lengths people will go to to uphold empire and the lengths ppl will go to to tear it down like idk 😭 i guess it is bury your gays but it didnt bother me this time because i thought it fit thematically ❤️ i enjoy tragedy as a genre a lot and i would’ve made it gay anyway you know. thanks rf kuang for doing it for me so i didnt have to.

WHICH IS ALL TO SAY that i guess if you’re going into babel for the queer rep without appreciating that the story is fundamentally a tragedy it would feel like it’s just reusing tired tropes….. but i think the choices kuang made were rly deliberate and not in a way that feels like trauma porn or shock value. the book is fundamentally about the struggles of poc so the layer of queerness that was introduced felt like a subtle extension of the experiences of characters of colour in the book, and i enjoyed and related to it as a queer chinese person who kind of realised they had to prioritise their fight for the liberation of poc over queerness mainly because the idea of western queer liberation cannot be dissociated from imperialism and many aspects of homophobia as we know it was an export of christian european empire into our colonised countries in the first place and FUCK THIS IS A WHOLE OTHER TANGENT ABOUT HOW I THINK RAMY AS A CHARACTER IS EMBLEMATIC OF THE TENSION AND STRUGGLE THAT QUEER POC DIASPORA HAVE BETWEEN OUR IDENTITIES GODDAMNIT OK FORGET IT POST CANCELLED i just rly think babel’s handling of queer characters is fine and makes sense and i like it personally and maybe i will make a coherent analysis about it one day but that day is not today byeeeeeee

[readingwiththestars]

₊˚⊹♡ NOTHING LIKE THE MOVIES

["Trust me, Lib," I said, picturing her lips. "In a crowd of million ski masks, I'd still be able to find you."]

| ✮ 3 stars |

ᝰ.ᐟ ⊹ arc review thank you to netgalley + simon and schuster for providing me with an e-arc in exchange for an honest review

THOUGHTS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . [minor spoilers]

ok. i put this review off for a couple days cause i knew this was gonna be harder to write because i love lynn painter books, really. buuttt i was horribly disappointed with this one. i'm the biggest wesliz fan but... like yeah i cant even form coherent thoughts about it. like this was unnecessary there was no point in shattering their relationship to write this.

like it was good to see wes's pov and everything but it felt so... idk yeah. (see im still struggling so bad to find words.)

one thing i would formally like to invite lynn to STOP doing though is shoving every taylor/ pop culture reference on the planet into the book. like holy shit woman. i few is okay BUT NOT THAT MANY COME ON!!!! they were in the middle of a fucking argument and wes is quoting illicit affairs or some bullshit. usually i love finding little references on page but this felt like too much.

i feel like she's whipped out her computer and gone straight to some dog fanpage or just plainly scrolled through edits seeing people saying "this song is so wesliz coded" and shoved those songs into the book. there is an on page reference to in between reference saying its their montage song.

also um this shit: ”little liz can’t come to the phone right now. why? oh. because she’s dead.” and somehow when jack antonoff was randomly brought up??? like some people are good at weaving taylor swift lyrics into books. lynn you are not.

also lynn take this a plea to never use the word "growl" or "growled" in a sentence ever again when describing your male characters. and to never write this sentence “she’s one of the guys you know? she’s just… different,” EVER AGAIN. PLEASE.

WHAT I DID LIKE THO WAS THE TINY TINY CRUMBS OF BAILEYCHARLIE AND NICKEMELIE (even tho nick was only mentioned and i dont think emelie was even there but eh)

CHARACTERS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

liz - ok so weirdly enough she was the most tolerable and still intolerable at the same time. like she was so different from the liz in bttm the sunshiney, wearing dresses of all different colours and her love of romcoms. she was described as anti-love and was practically a full on different character seriously. if you liked the first book maybe dont have high expectations for nltm. like i do understand she had her heart broken and so obviously that makes sense for some of the change but it had been two years and as liz likes to say SO FUCKING MUCH "she's moved on, she's moved past it, its in the past" well for someone who's moved on you sure like to avoid the past a lot. also idk who tf she was trying to fool with that whole "i don't like wes, im over him." shit like gurl- you were literally kissing 2.5 seconds ago whats with the switching sides. and there was SO much about her leaving "little liz" behind. like what was so wrong with liking flowers and romcoms? and being a hopeless romantic and wearing bright colours?

wes - okay so it was quiet heartbreaking to hear abt wes's side of this book (except for the whole pursuing liz part) and i did feel sorry for him. but like what happened to the sweet, caring wes in the first book. and tell me why i had to read THIS sentence “climb on me like a good girl,” LIKE MY EYES LYNN WTF????? i did not sign up for this wes, like no stop telling me how obsessed you are with liz's lips or how she's a mythological sex goddess- boy sit ur ass down. and don't even get me started on the beginning of the book. WHAT WAS THAT SHIT? why was wes acting like a 7yr old excited for school and talking (so much) abt his love for scootering? SCOOTERING. LYNN PAINTER WHAT THE EVER LOVING HELL? SCOOTERING. DO YOU HAVE SOME OBSESSION WITH THEM OR SOMETHING? WHY DID THOSE DUMB THINGS KEEP SHOWING UP?? like tell me why i needed to read this shit: "i fucking loved the scooters ..... wes + scooters = HEA" ..... lynn.

QUOTES ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

im not going to bother to find any of these, see: im too lazy

all in all i still liked some points when both of them were acting normal. which is why its a 3. but i feel like this is leaning towards a hate review but yeah idk i cant actually pin point parts that i remember liking- also the ending??? what was that? it made no sense to me.

[daily-singularity]

Hello. I am here to ask you about their paralells and how insane they make you. Pretty please... you're the only one feeding us the good food...

Going insane. white knuckling my pen and paper. I will do my best to make this coherent, apologies in advance if its a mess!!

In the simplest terms both Gabriel and Hux are carbon copy assembly line units created by Huxlee industries for the purpose of colonizing planets and prolonging the human race.

Gabriel is a tool just as much as the Huxlee units are.

"Each individual was manufactured for a different societal function... The idea was to create a functional society that would operate flawlessly." - Gabriel Soma BIO

"Unlike human clones, the HUX-A7 required no food, no water, no sleep, and no life support system. It was created specifically for outer space exploration and the construction of colonization hubs." - HUX-A7-13 BIO

Gabriel was specifically designed by Huxlee for planet colonization. Outside of his time on Dvarka, I gather that Gabriel was in a permanent deep sleep/cryostatis. All of his memories of his family and childhood are fabrications- he has no real life or directives or experiences outside of his work on Dvarka.

---

Both were under the threat of termination, or reprogramming should they fall out of line.

"Dmitri’s not trying to help… he’s trying to get me to stop asking questions. What does he know? What’s he hiding?" - Tome 16, Memory 2998 (Gabriel Soma)

"It remembers its objective. It must assist the crew in terraforming Dvarka. Failure to do so will result in termination."- Tome 16, Memory 2665 (Hux-a7-13)

When Gabriel first starts noticing discrepancies in his memories, his crew's medic writes off his issues as "problems that dont exist", and gives him a drug that fogs up his senses. Its a clear attempt to force him back into subservience, a message of "Stop digging or else".

We're never able to find out what would happen to Gabriel if it became known that he found out about the fact hes a clone, but I gather he would be removed from the project. Terminated so he wouldn't spread panic.

--

After Gabriel finds out about the fact he's a clone, it's a lot harder to get more direct info on his mentality, since thats where his Memory archives end.

Neither of them have much experience with free will.

Due to the fact that both Gabriel and Hux were taken by the entity near immediately after learning they were a clone/gained sentience, it isnt much of a stretch to say that neither of them have experience with a sense of individuality.

Gabriel learns that his entire life has been a fabricated lie and then is immeidately shoved into a killing game. He doesn't really get that chance to come to terms with who and what he is before having to fight for his life.

Hux on the other hand, had more time to digest his new worldview. He was able to start forming his own desires and wants even if they were as simple as "Kill the inferior human worms who created me", or abstract as wanting to "the remake the universe in my image over infinate lifetimes"- whatever the fuck that means Hux. Its really unfortunate that he barely begins to form these desires before theyre all stripped away from him and he is once again forced into subservience.

---

I was gonna put like idk an insightful little footnote here, but i spent absolutely way to long writing this post. Anyways. Gabriel and hux are both tools struggling with a sense of self while being forced to kill or be killed.

Also. can Behavior please fucking explain to me why Gabriel was waxing poetic about the beauty and godliness of the machine that he watched slowly kill his entire crew, like goddamn ogling that machine, then he exploded it. and then like. went "ok damn still godlike."

I just wanna talk with whoever wrote this please. what was. what does this mean. i need to know.

"It had fabricated a new body for itself. Part flesh. Part silicon. Part human. Part machine. Massive. Powerful. Beautiful and majestic like—

An ancient God."

"Gabe raced across the meadow and into the forest. When he looked back, he saw the HUX emerge from the flames and smoke. Burning. Melting. Shrieking. Deformed. Terrible and wrathful like—

An ancient God"

[sleepymimixx]

wolfstar rec !

When a star fell to earth by EmRoseJori (134,221 words, COMPLETED !)

i can’t believe this one isn’t more well known in the fandom. it’s a space au, (very) loosely based on the 100. sirius is a commander from the empire from the sky and remus lives on earth and sirius crashes on earth. they are absolutely so so in love, they care so much for each other and they are so soft. the world building is rly rly great, i already said it in another review but i love to see how the author can bend the og harry potter story to another world, still coherent with the og (idk if i’m making any sense and english isn’t my first language so i’m a bit at loss for words).

i’m also completely in love with both remus and sirius’ characterization, i love how honest they can be while still struggling but willing to struggle to be able to love the other in the best way possible. i love how they interact, how they build their relationship and learn about each other stories and culture. (you can assure you that you will melt at their first hug (and honestly, i was melting at every interactions they had so be warned aha))

once again, i think if you liked crimson rivers you will like this one.

(i’m not comparing the story etc, they are very different but after reading crimson rivers i felt like nothing could compare because it was also the first sci fi wolfstar fanfic ive read and i was very frustrated that i couldn’t find other

[reds-skull]

Post script on Not Alive, Nor Dead

Like I mentioned yesterday, I have a lot to say about the fic now that it's done.

The TLDR is that I'm leaving an option for a sequel. No promises though.

Leaving the rest of it under the cut because idk how long it will end up.

Okay, so first thing I gotta admit is that I didn't plan shit lmao. I had the start very clearly in my head, which were the scenes I talked about in the first post I made about revenant AU. But the entire plot line with Graves being a secret revenant? Hell, even the whole 'revenants and non-revs are getting kidnapped around the world' was not planned.

The scene in chapter 4 with the PMC was the introduction for the anonymous PMC, but I didn't think of making Graves and in extension Shadow Company all the work of a revenant. I was debating even making him a revenant at all, up until I wrote the chapter introducing him.

This approach, of not planning shit, is what made me excited to sit down and write every day. It felt like I was discovering the story myself.

It's also a fucking miracle the story is coherent in any shape or form.

Now, I did write a few things before starting. They were a small overview of the character arcs I want the 141 to go through, and a brief about each revenant's powers, because those things need to be consistent.

The arc overview isn't accurate anymore, it has a version of Gaz's storyline that I didn't manage to fit in, where he has a fear of heights, and overcomes it throughout the fic. The only one really left unchanged was Soap, who had the whole "my powers are too destructive" thing ongoing for most of the story.

Speaking of Soap, the Konchar mystery? I was figuring it out while writing the 3 chapters before introducing 'Konchar'. There are some inconsistencies because of that, specifically in a line where Soap says something along the lines of "I did something on my Reaping, something that if I could replicate, I might've not been let on the team." which kinda makes sense but kinda doesn't, considering all that Ghost has done.

Ghost's struggles with Limbo were something I added after wanting to give him a parallel to Soap. Originally, Ghost's role was to be the guy that has already gone through what Soap is going through, already knowing everything and having as much control on Limbo as he can. But making Limbo this uncontrollable realm was more interesting... also having it reflect Ghost's mind and emotions was cool.

One of the most pleasant surprises was how Price's powers interacted with everyone else's. I think it was the best power to personality match I made, he's not as scary as the others at first glance, but the ability to bore into the minds of his enemies, the way no one can keep secrets from him? Makes him terrifying. It's not made clear in the fic, but the reason it took Price so long to figure Graves out is their previous encounters. Graves knew how to divert his thoughts away from his Shadows, and stop Price from finding out.

What made Price realize Grave's Shadows aren't human is he tried to read their mind, only to find a list of commands. Graves tried to keep them away as much as he can, but it was inevitable. Shepherd knew it, which is why he ordered Price to keep his mouth shut almost instantly.

Since the way revenants get their powers must be linked to the way they died, some revs were easier to find powers for than others. Obviously the 141 was first, some at the time I started thinking about how they died didn't have a canon near-death experience, like Price and Soap.

I took Ghost's og backstory, and the idea of Limbo was gotten from the fact he died in a coffin, in a state of in between life and death. What Limbo does to people was just 'scariest thing I could imagine' type of situation. In the end, I don't know if Limbo is scarier when Ghost couldn't control it, or when both he and Soap could.

With Soap, I knew I wanted something with explosions, so it was a no-brainer to make him die from one. I mentioned in another post, but revenant AU was originally at the very beginning just a thing of 'what if I put mw characters in my original magic system?', and in that scenario, Soap was the only one with powers, which were control over anti matter, meaning anything he touches or touches him explodes. The only scene from that one is of Soap pushing Ghost away and getting shot to high hell, only to go and explode the people that tried to kill him - which is chapter 8.

I chose to use Gaz's iconic hanging out of a chopper scene, because I found it funny tbh lol. Later, when I thought of how exactly he died, it became more serious.

Price's were just kinda random tbh. I figured telepathy is a good ability for a Captain.

Rudy obviously dies in the house fire he almost did in the campaign. Alejandro was harder, but I thought of how Graves locked him up in the black site prison alone, so I went for something similar.

It's not mentioned in the fic, but Farah was the youngest to die from all of them. The house collapse in the start of her flashbacks in mwi, where her father pulled her out of the rubble? She didn't survive it. She's a very rare revenant, to be Reaped when she was a kid.

Farah and Ghost's og backstory have a lot of similarities, in my mind they're parallels to each other. What Farah had that Ghost didn't, however, is other people, a community. I think that's why she didn't lose herself the way Ghost did.

Alex's was difficult, because his canon near-death experience was being exploded, like Soap. I used the fact he's ex CIA, to figure he probably took part of many covert operations, and one went wrong. He was caught, so now he can go invisible. This was the thing I failed to make clear the most in the fic, I think, since a few people asked, more than anything else.

Thomas Anderson, the revenant with underwater breathing abilities, was originally made just for Ghost to roast him. When chapter 8 rolled around, and I needed a random revenant to kill there, I thought using the one established would make sense.

Accidental foreshadowing like this was what carried the fic, tbh. It was like a huge session of 'yes, and'ing myself. A little bit of bullshitting confidently, sometimes it felt like that lmao.

The wedding vows in chapter 31 were, again, unplanned. Ghost said "till death do us apart, Johnny?", so I started looking up Christian wedding vows in English because I don't fully remember them. Later I thought "wait, Soap is Catholic, maybe they have a different version." and then I thought, "shit, he's fuckin' Scottish, he won't use fucking American Catholic vows." (maybe he would idk).

Anyway, I found the Celtic vows present in the fic, which sounded like a metaphor, so perfect I couldn't use them just for the original joke they were meant for. So Soap ends up reciting literal wedding vows at the man.

[here's a link to the website I found the vows at]

Last thing is the whole Makarov tie in to Konchar. I was thinking about how we never really dove deep into why Konchar did what he did, besides having his Reaper tell him "you have to kill Soap before he kills you". I heard an advice somewhere, that in world building you have to dive in two questions for it to be believable.

So, let's take Konchar for example. First question is, "how did Soap killing Konchar not bring on an international incident between Kastovia and the UK?". The answer is, "Konchar was an army deserter." Second question is, "why did Konchar desert the army?", and the second answer is, "because he left to work with Makarov."

We don't need to know why he left, not at the point I left the fic at. Those two answers would be enough for readers to not feel like there's a plot hole there, at least according to that advice I've heard.

NOW, with all of that out of the way, I wanted to post the notes I've made on each revenant's powers, because I thought it could be interesting for someone. AND! I kept some deleted scenes, and it would be a shame to just let them rot in the Google Doc lol.

First up, list of revenants and their powers:

[These aren't 100% accurate anymore, as they were written before I started writing the fic, and I only added stuff to them]

Ghost - limbo: is able to send a circle around him into “limbo”, a space between life and death, that no one can escape. Filled with his enemies. Only way to survive is if ghost brings you to the eye of the storm, where he keeps himself safe of his own powers. Ghost can be killed by any means if taken by surprise and doesnt activate his powers.

If stands still too long, inky hands start grasping at him from the ground. Prefers to sleep elevated.

Died in a coffin.

From chapter 21 and beyond - able to wield to withstand fire in his right hand.

Soap - explosion: cant be killed by explosions, and can explode anything he touches. Any injury with the root cause being explosion (fall from high building, debris scratches, etc.) will be healed, but he does feel pain from it. Gunshots cant kill him (the bullets shoot with explosions). Can be killed by any melee attack, poison, electricity.

Fire burns from his fingertips, hard to put out. Spreads when agitated. Hot to the touch.

Died from a fall because of an explosion.

From chapter 21 and beyond - able to wield the protective light in his left hand in Limbo.

Gaz - gravity: can manipulate gravity of himself and objects he touches. Cant die from falling. Can be killed by any means, but hard to catch and aim at while at motion.

Usually floats a couple inches off ground.

Died in a helicopter accident.

Price - telepathy: can talk and transmit simple ideas to other around him. Can feel emotions of others. Can be killed by any means, but Price can manipulate the enemies thoughts and distract them.

His thoughts can “leak” if left unguarded.

Died after being abandoned and without comms.

Alejandro - phase: can phase through solid objects, including bullets. Can be killed by any means if caught by surprise.

Sometimes accidentally phases through things.

Died in captivity.

Rodolfo - ice: can lower the temperature of anything he touches rapidly. Can freeze and jam guns. Can inflict ice burns. Can be killed by any means beside fire.

Breath always visible, cold to the touch.

Died in a fire.

Farah - steelskin: can deflect any attack to her body. Bullets, knives, rockets. Can be killed by poison easily, as needles cant pierce her skin and therefore medical administration is hard to give.

Skin shines oddly.

Died from a stab wound. [changed to what I explained above]

Youngest to become a revenant.

Alex - invisibility: can become invisible. Otherwise can be killed by any means, hard to spot.

Skin sometimes flickers.

Died when got caught.

Graves - shadow company: can create “shadows”, puppets he controls. Can be killed by any means, but hard to get through his shadows.

Doesnt have a shadow of his own, eyes become milky and vacant, leaking after a while.

Died from betrayal.

[I didn't manage to find a place to add this - yes, Graves died after his squad betrayed him. His powers are a replacement for the whole army. His last line, "Me? I am the army." was what he boiled down to. Limbo's victims marking him a traitor was two fold. He betrayed the 141, Vaqueros, the UFL and basically everyone around him, but he also betrayed his own Reaper, who gave him powers to not go through that very thing. It's also another reason why chapter 30 is called 'Die As You Live'.]

Kirill “Konchar” Bogomolov - telekinesis: can move objects with his mind. Can protect himself from any physical attack, and redirect them towards the attacker. Is a revenant of the Pull, like Gaz.  (name means “Lord” and “devotionalist”) First death from RPG, second death by Soap.

Now, for the cut content. Most of these are one scene, usually one that didn't fit the emotinal arc of the characters, or the direction was going somewhere I didn't like. There's one that is a page and a half long, and that chapter was one of the hardest to write, so I practically restarted it at one point.

I'll try to add the context they were originally in if I remember.

[Context: the scene in Chapter 5, where Ghost watches the night sky out of a window, unable to sleep, and Soap comes to speak with him for the first time since they fought about Soap's tendenticy to let himself get hurt. Soap says he heard rumors about Ghost, and Ghost asks what they said.]

“ (rumors) That you murder our soldiers.”

Something akin to fear rang through his chest. So he knows… He supposes it was meant to happen eventually.

Soap’s face, for some reason, doesn’t lose its newfound cheerfulness.

“And what do you think about those rumors?” Hell knows why he wants to keep hearing him talk.

“Well, that makes the two of us.”

… What.

“What?” Ghost intelligently mutters.

Soap’s eyes widen, face not unlike a child caught with his hand in a cookie jar.

[Reason to cut: Soap wasn't supposed to admit that yet. He also wouldn't have done it in such a non-chalant way, with how heavy the guilt weighs on him.]

[Context: Chapter 10, where Ghost was showing his powers to the Vaqueros and Graves.]

The Captain’s voice fills his head, “field’s clear, go ahead Lieutenant.”

Ghost glances one last time at Soap’s figure, no more than a small speck, far, far away from him.

He closes his eyes. The warm air of Las Almas dissipates into the chill of Limbo.

He opens them, confused. The void is quiet, the residents of Limbo looking at the distance, calm and still. It reminds him of… before.

Ghost frowns, narrowing his eyes to try and see what caught their attention. There, a far away point flickers.

A small, white flame. Where… Soap was standing. 

Ghost blinks and stumbles back. Price instantly sounds in his mind, “Simon, what’s going on?!”

“I saw something there…” He makes eye contact with the Captain, who is now jogging towards him, Gaz and Soap behind him. “Light… from Johnny.”

It can’t be… how is Soap able to affect Limbo? Every single spiritulogist he met agreed on the fact he’s a sort of master over Limbo, that the realm is a manifestation he’s inseparably linked to.

The only thing others can do there, is die.

“What do you mean light?” Price urges on.

“A small flame. Where Soap was. The victims were all staring at it.”

The 141 members reach him, Johnny rushing to him, “are you alright?”

Ghost gapes at him, “you’re different. I’ve… changed you.”

Soap frowns, “what are ye on about?” he steps closer.

Ghost takes a step back, “stop.”

The Sergeant stills, a hurt expression flashing on his face before he schools his features.

Price invades his mind, “Simon, you have to calm down-”

“Calm down?! I fucked up Soap! I need to-”

The ladder patterns. Ghost turns around.

“SIMON RILEY”

“Reaper”, he exhales shakily.

“YOU’VE DOOMED YOURSELF. IT IS TOO LATE.”

“What are you talking about?!” Ghost screams, “you keep saying I’m gonna die, while Johnny keeps suffering!”

“I DO NOT CARE ABOUT OTHER REVENANTS, SIMON.”

The Reaper leans in to shriek in his ears, Ghost clutching his head uselessly.

“YOU ARE INTERTWINED.” 

Ghost cries from the pain. His Reaper does not falter.

“KILL HIM FIRST.”

His vision fades along with the Reaper’s words.

“Ghost! Fuck, someone get a medic” Someone shouts above him.

Another voice interjects, “he’s not injured, Sergeant. He’s with his Reaper.”

“From my experience, that doesn’t make me holler and pass out!”

A third person joins the conversation, “shut it! He’s waking up.”

Ghost groans and makes a move to rub his eyes, only to be stopped by his hard-shell mask. “Simon? You alright son?” Price asks, bringing the smell of fresh flowers and a soft bed to him.

He gets up (when did he lay down?) and mutters, “fine”. His voice hoarse from screaming. He takes in his team, the three of them concernedly crouch beside him, except Soap, who’s pacing around.

The Sergeant stops and eyes him warily. 

“My Reaper’s mad.” he says in lieu of explanation to the others.

Soap stops, and looks down at him, still avoiding his stare, “it’s because of me, isn’t it?”

He sighs, “when those arms started grabbing ye I thought it was gonna-”

“What arms?” Ghost gets up.

“The dark arms from the ground, don’t tell me you didn’t noti-”

Ghost grabs the front of Soap’s shirt, “you fuckin’ see them?!”

The Sergeant struggles against his iron tight grasp, “aye! Thought I was hallucinating last night, fuckers made a pass at me-”

Ghost pushes him away, “fuckin’ hell”. 

What the fuck is going on?! Nobody can see the victims outside of Limbo. It’s almost like…

“He has some of my powers…” Ghost whispers to himself.

But that’s not possible? 

[Reason to cut: chapter wasn't working out for me. Characters not reacting in character. Reaper not supposed to show up just yet, and what it says kinda repeats previous encounters.]

[Context: chapter 13, instantly after Rudy and Gaz confront Ghost on his relationship with Soap.]

What, do they think he and Soap are sleeping side by side every night, comfortably tangled under the thin sheets? That he warms himself on his Sergeant’s eternal flame, that Johnny brushes his charred, calloused fingers over his arms, his shoulders, his neck, chasing away the cold, inky grasp Limbo always has on him? That Ghost reciprocates, that he holds Johnny’s face softly, bringing them closer and closer until-

[Reason to cut: out of character. Ghost doesn't think about affectionate actions, he jsut does them. Too early in the story for him to express such wants.]

[Context: I don't remember honestly. Entire scene was cut. Might be later in chapter 13, before Graves threatens Ghost.]

He catches Alejandro pacing around the base one day, frowning and arguing with Rudy in Spanish. From what Ghost can pick up, it’s something about an American. He’s pretty damn certain which one.

“Vargas, any issues?” he stops him before the man pops a blood vessel.

Alejandro glances at him, scanning their surroundings for eavesdropping ears. “Come with me.”

The three enter the Vaquero Commander’s office, Rudy locking it behind them, “it’s about Graves.” Alejandro starts pacing again, “fucking gringo is ordering his shadows to collect intel on us.”

“What?” that’s a huge fucking development.

Rudy is quick to correct him, “we can’t prove anything. But yes… Graves knows more than he should.”

“He knows about secret tunnels we have under the base, and weapon stashes that not even Price knows about. We got fucking Shepherd trying to get us to use locations for the mission he shouldn’t even know exist.”

Ghost feels the tension climb up his spine, “what the fuck do you think he’s playing at?”

Alejandro exhales loudly, “whatever it is, [I didn't finish the sentence]

[Reason to cut: Decided that Vaqueros wounldn't suspect Graves, and he wouldn't risk his powers found by using Shadows to spy on them. Didn't like where the scene was directing the story.]

[Context: chapter 19, when Ghost asks Gaz for help with showing emotions with Soap. Gaz asks why can't he now.]

Garrick nods thoughtfully, “and what is it that stops you? Fear?”

Ghost clenches his teeth, this conversation feels like pulling them out one by one, “I’m not afraid of him.”

“Wasn’t saying that sir”, Gaz thrums on his boot, “could be rejection, or… shit. Of course.” he stares at Ghost, eyes soft.

“The fuck’s it?” he glares back.

Gaz releases his powers, standing up in front of him, “you need to get over your fear of feeling.”

[Reason to cut: out of character. Wouldn't confront emotions head on. Unnatural for Gaz to just state that, rather have it implied. Not where I wanted Ghost's mentality to go.]

[Context: no idea. Probably after Ghost sent Soap to Limbo, and he gained an immunity to it.]

“We don’t have to be afraid, Simon. You can’t hurt me anymore.” Johnny whispers

[Reason to cut: don't remember.]

Tumblr is starting to lag, which means this post is huge lmao. Again, thank you to each and every one of you! The response to the fic was amazing, I never expected my little revenant AU to turn into something this big!

I loved the experience of writing Not Alive, Nor Dead. You can certainly expect more from me in the future!

For now, I have to focus on uni, and after that I have a few ideas for comics I wanna do. Might make a few oneshots in between, but no big projects like this one just yet!

[daniclaytcn]

will you write that essay about the symbolism of eddie holding buck's hand while he was trapped under the ladder truck? Pretty please?

okay well i can't promise this will be coherent but. let me try.

there are two aspects to this. i've talked about the first one a bit before, but i'll mention it again because i'm kinda obsessed with it—because. look. i always maintain that while writing a romantic dynamic, it's important that both characters involved have a significant, undeniable impact on each other (whether it's positive or negative). and this is a pretty good example of buck's impact on eddie—or rather, the impact of their relationship with each other on eddie. because, eddie has been established from the start as a character who manages to keep calm under pressure, who always manages to follow protocol and respect the chain of command, who keeps cool and does the rational, logical thing in an emergency at all times. this is, as we find over the course of the show, due in part to his upbringing and military training.

it's with buck we see this extremely fundamental aspect of his character fly out of the window, though. eddie defaults to holding buck's hand instead of helping lift the truck with the others, even though he's probably one of the physically strongest on the scene. he trusted chris, his son, his heart and soul, unconditionally with buck within a year of knowing him. he put buck in his will as christopher's legal guardian despite buck facing the same amount of danger that he does—eddie's actions here especially make no logical sense, adding in the fact that he doesn't even tell buck about this for an entire year. and when the lightning strike happens—whew. eddie ran up that ladder in the pouring rain, after being struck and knocked to the ground himself, without a harness, tried to pull buck towards him even though he had to know it was physically impossible and screamed himself hoarse trying to reach buck. and all of this is the culmination of the small, blink-and-you'll-miss-it act in s2—eddie holding onto buck's hand instead of helping lift the truck. in these instances, he doesn't default to logic and protocol like he's been trained to. he just follows his heart—which is a big fucking deal for a character like eddie. and all of this just keeps escalating with each new development in their relationship.

the other aspect is a lot simpler—i draw upon their more recent arcs to explain it. maybe the logical thing was for eddie to join the others in lifting the truck. but he didn't, and he prioritized giving buck comfort instead. and i think this small moment is so symbolic of their future obstacles? in season 5, buck can't fix or magically hand-wave eddie's struggle with his mental health. he can't fix it even though it's his first instinct to try. but he can be there for him every step of the way, and make the journey a little easier. similarly, in season 6, eddie gets right in 6B what everyone else got wrong—he couldn't fix things for buck and ensure he had a super-smooth recovery, like everyone else tried to. but he could be a shelter for buck when the outside world was too overwhelming, to recognize his struggle and offer him comfort in the face of it. idk. again, it boils down to the whole maybe you don't know her the way he does of it all. so, yeah. that little moment in 2x18 is just. the comfort and the security of it all. the way tenderness is prioritized over trying to fix everything. idk. i hope this all makes as much sense as it did in my head sjdjdkd

[angeart]

hello asks part 3 here (i hope you dont mind i find it easier to organize my thoughts and what i want to say like this)

hhhhhhh ari au art

that art is awesome i love the lighting in the first one and the framing of the last one is so interesting it really shows just how invasive the press and the outside world all is i also love the posing of the second one and its just. they cant get away from it. from the pressure and the anxiety and the news and all those opinions

each step in the art is a deterioration of grians situation in that au idk i think its interesting that these are the pics you were inspired to make theyre so good i love your art

and yeah it is darker in some ways than hhau, because it deals so heavily with active suicidal impulses and its a different type of dark. hhau is so focused on the fear and desperation and trying to escape, where as the ari au feels like pressure bearing down on grian and a lack of way out.

its just........... hard

grians stuck in a really hard place and i get why she cant find a way out for herself because it would likely require starting over completely and even that might not get them away from the public and that would require him to fully give up on something that brought him so much joy even if it also brought pain and anxiety.

anyway my most coherent expression of my thoughts and feelings about ari au consists of this:

qoiuwheajishuiawfdosugyhiewjorwsdfgyuhijoqwepdghusjoipahpiuwpajsd

-burny anon

i do find it easier too when the topics are split across asks so this is good!

YAY ARI AU! wahhh thank u for liking the art 🥺❤️

i picked those scenes because ben suggested i draw a sort of 'then' vs 'now' comparison, and i thought of doing it from the perspective of photos the press could get. i have one more sketch tucked away that is a private moment of scar and grian that i might draw one day. we'll see.

and yeah. yeah, they absolutely cannot get away from it, from the scrutiny, the pressure, the sense of privacy absolutely crumbling into something non-existent. together with the sense of self outside of all of these expectations and being constantly observed, every action or word an opportunity to be misinterpreted without anyone asking them what the truth is. (they don't have a voice here; they're just there to provide drama and entertainment. to be consumed. their consent in this does not matter.)

the press and the stalkers and (some of) the fans don't care about grian as a person. grian—ari—is an idea, an idol. they craft her to be perfect in their eyes (something nobody can live up to and remain seen as a human being), only to decide they then need to tear down and decimate that perfection.

it's just so harrowing and horrible.

you know, grian started with a dream. he just wanted to sing and have fun and be seen. (not like this. not like this.)

now some people might sneer and point, saying he's got exactly what he wanted: she is seen. she will never not be seen again.

i think ari au is so dark not only because of the topics, but also because it feels so real? hhau has hybrids and different world, wings and magic and whatnot. but this? this has none of that. this is set into a real world, and they're just normal human beings, struggling. and there's no easy solution or a way out.

love your thoughts on this au hehe <3

[zhongrin]

The quiet tranquility of Wangshu Inn's terrace was interrupted by the soft rustle of bamboo leaves, stirred by the gentle evening breeze. You and Zhongli sat at a small table, enjoying a quiet moment overlooking the breathtaking landscape of Liyue. The lanterns cast a warm glow, creating an intimate atmosphere that seemed to envelop you in a cocoon of serenity.

As you shared stories and laughter, Zhongli couldn't resist the temptation to tease his beloved. His eyes, filled with a mischievous glint, lingered on the delicate features of your face. With a voice like smooth jade, he began weaving words that carried the weight of ancient wisdom and a hint of playfulness.

"My dear, have you ever considered the profound symbolism behind a kiss?" Zhongli inquired, his gaze unwavering.

Caught off guard, you blushed, a warm hue spreading across your cheeks. "W-Well, I suppose it's a gesture of affection," you stammered, trying to maintain composure under Zhongli's focused gaze.

Zhongli leaned in, his lips hovering close to your ear, his warm breath sending shivers down your spine. "Ah, but it is more than a simple gesture," he murmured, his voice like a gentle caress. "A kiss is a manifestation of desire, a connection between souls that transcends the boundaries of words."

Before you could fully process his words, Zhongli closed the distance between you, pressing a tender kiss to your lips. Time seemed to stand still as the world around you faded away, leaving only the soft, lingering sensation of his touch.

Your heart raced, cheeks burning with embarrassment as you attempted to find words in the wake of Zhongli's unexpected advance. The ex-Geo Archon, however, seemed to revel in the flustered state he had induced. With a subtle smirk, he pulled away, his amber eyes gleaming with a mixture of amusement and affection.

"My apologies if I caught you off guard," Zhongli said, a trace of mirth in his voice. "But consider it a lesson in the art of expressing oneself without the need for elaborate rhetoric."

You, still reeling from the unexpected intimacy, struggled to form a coherent response. The once serene atmosphere of the terrace now crackled with an undercurrent of newfound tension, both electrifying and intimate.

Unbeknownst to you, a playful breeze carried the sweet scent of blooming flowers as witnesses to the tender exchange. As the lanterns swayed, casting dancing shadows on the terrace, you and Zhongli navigated the unspoken language of affection, your hearts entwined in a moment that transcended the confines of Liyue and echoed through the ages.

-🌸

idk where this was going im very much sleep deprived 👍 (also i imagined u n zhongli were visiting your son hehe)

does this make sense 🧍‍♀️

it makes very much sense and ilysm aly but also i'm so sorry i hyperfixated and this happenedー

[frankiistein]

now that breadavota is back heres my long analysis of jacques and how his literally-dead-dollkin identity and monsterfucking relates to his being schizoid and stuffs

theres alot of neat stuff in the new "further reading" panel tho i like the reveal that jacques sent media alot of blank letters when he was younger bcuz he couldnt see

the "blank" letter in the website actually have invisible text tho and its in passrynian (which accdg to the wiki is just intentionally shitty french with different pronouns)

google translated:

Hello, Mr. Media. I can't read or write, so I'm devoid of this letter. You are said to be a medium, so read your feelings. It is difficult to express, so I have studied English for you. Please accept my transmission.

the pronouns makes it weird but i think its intention to be read my feelings and nor your feelings, based on the fact that jacques calls media a medium? like i think he expects media to be able to "read" his letters even if their blank bcuz medias psychic powers

idk if im right but this is what i thought of after thinking abt how its said in the story that media can "read" peoples thoughts except for jacques and that media seems neurotic thinking if he "really" knew how jacques thinks the novelty of their relationship would fade away and (supposedly) media would get sick/bored of jacques

but also. tbt to this one specific line from their first meeting in an archetype of a person from universes before

its kind of a throwaway line but in context of other parts of the comic where we see jacques getting frustrated that media cant understand his logic but that he never rly explains himself coherently (a1-3 and like a duck which not posted yet on the website especially show this) i think it has a deeper meaning

so like u kno how jacques obviously has his monsterfucking kink and how hes constantly disappointed that medias not a "real" monster to him

theres a physical part involved in his attraction no doubt abt it but considering that jacques cant even see what the "scary" monsters look like and also how in like a duck its explicitly stated part of his admiration for media is media as a non-living being is immune to living problems like petty emotions or flawed logic (things that jacques supposedly dislikes about himself? or at least that cause his social struggles)

altho the more obvious part of his paraphilia is the monsterfucking theres a wide scope of things he seems attached to and the things they all have in common is theyre the "opposite" of how the living are legally defined

- he has a thing for the dead and for inanimate objects

- he dislikes objects that become sentient

- the traits he fantasizes about media are specifically a lack of morals, a lack of emotion and ai computer logic

- and most of all his resistance for love and criticism for love as a legal concept in their society

ok so I HAVE A POINT HERE OK but first we also get this new excerpt of an essay jacques writes for the court

I wasn't quite angry, not on any meaningful level, over the prospect of people putting a sense of "value" and projecting a notion of "love" on something about myself that I had reserved neither for, from my inability to perceive it. I was angry that people had decided of their own accord that this was what I was angry about in the first place.

jacques spent his life before moving to the court having his feelings constantly assumed (implied to be for ableist reasons) and it rly makes it clearer why in present day he gets triggered so easily abt media trying to get him to explain himself, bcuz even tho jacques is aware his own sense of logic and emotion is twisted and abnormal he thinks trying to get people to understand it is frustrating and useless, because its never worked before

he thinks the living are so used to their culture being the "reality" of things and so the living can never understand him, so he both finds comfort in and sees his own self/identity in the terms of the "non-living" (whether the dead, the inanimate or the immortal) as theyre all things that

- cant feel anything at all

- cant have their feelings misunderstood by others on account of having no feelings

ALRIGHT SO BACK TO THE LETTER AND THE LINE IN AN ARCHETYPE

jacques is obviously disillusioned w/ media but the emphasis on media just "looking like a human" feels like jacques trying to dismiss the depth of his feelings on the matter

i think jacques initial "crush" on media wasnt just bcuz media was a scary hot monster but specifically that he was a medium

his first letter to media points out medias reputation as a psychic instead of media being a marginal/monster/other species and since media and jacques talked multiple times over the phone before they met irl jacques had alot of opportunities to pry for medias physical form but he never asked until they met irl in the first time

imo jacques pointing out that he believed media would be able to understand him instead of just judging him (like everyone else does) was bcuz jacques was obsessed with this fantasy that media was someone/something who could not only understand him but would be able to understand him w/o jacques needing to do anything to make himself understood

and idk if jacques knows hes the only exception to medias mindreading but if he does that must make him feel worse. like if media wasnt psychic all along it would be bad enough but if jacques is the exception it emphasizes his isolation further

like idk i do think jacques genuinely feels a sense of attachment/connection to media but that the relationship they can have irl will always have the issues that "fantasy media" doesnt. jacques initial attraction to media was completely a parasocial relationship to an enigmatic other species and now that theyre together "for real" he hates the reality that real life media is Just Some Guy who is actively trying to be even more of a Just Some Guy bcuz what he wanted from media was never a real "living" relationship but the fantasy relationship of being effortlessly understood by somebody with no "real" needs or expectations

[heartnosekid]

Idk if you’ve asked this before but how do you do the “based off the name” stimboards?

like the themes and gifs you use

btw love your boards

i have been asked this before but i sure as heck can't find that particular ask despite having looked for a while lol

so essentially, i recently started using a new method to determine the exact vibes i get from a name. i've been establishing my own thoughts about the name before i ask a friend or two about the vibes they get, to see if that gels with anything i thought or opens me to new vibes that make sense with what i already had.

i'm gonna use a name i've never made a board for as an example.

the name ingrid. that IMMEDIATELY gives me dark purple and red, and some monochrome. i can't explain why, names just automatically give me an aura for lack of a better word. then, my brain immediately jumps to ingrid michaelson and her song "the way i am" (very sweet and beautiful song, highly recommend if you haven't heard) which makes me think of like. balloons and streamers and clowns, etc. maybe some lipstick. i heard that song very early in life and i really loved the chords and i'd also never heard the name ingrid, so that really instilled those vibes early on lol next, i get the minor themes which can be included or left out for consistency's sake, those being stripes, color coordinated office supplies, and calligraphy primarily. it sounds mish mashy when i say all these themes and ideas together but trust me, i can usually make the vibe work. (i may make this board for myself now, i've always loved the name ingrid lmao)

a friend may say something completely different, and i usually only really consult someone else if i am struggling with themes or if i genuinely just wanna hear what they have to say, but sometimes the ideas i get from a friend give the board a whole new vibe which is totally welcome.

when it comes to finding the videos to gif, i generally search instagram, youtube, and tiktok primarily. for ingrid, i would search very broad terms like clowns, balloons, stripes / striped pattern, calligraphy, stationery, lipstick, monochrome / monochrome photography, etc and save some of the videos i found that match the vibes i'm going for! it's rare i really struggle to find videos that fit a vibe i'm searching for, but it has happened and in that case, i can find a good video that fits all the boxes but not color wise, and then color change it in ezgif.

so yeah! i hope this is somewhat coherent, my brain's all mush lately. if you have any more questions about my processes when making name boards, feel free to ask!!!

[bitterkarmaa]

Ok so sorry! Its my first time on Tumblr!

13: Eclipse is a part of the Kill Code from Moon and Idk how you see it, but the influence from this and also the pressure from the Star could become quite difficult sometimes. Moon should know the problem of keeping the balance or upper hand.

No worries!! It took me a while to figure it all out too :) welcome to hell!!

“When is this going to get easier?”

-Moon & Eclipse-

Eclipse told himself many lies. He knew some of the deceptions he fed himself were merely made for comfort, considered a coping mechanism to those more emotionally intelligent than he was. Lunar mentioned it offhand a few times, and Sun gave him looks that suggested his own agreement, but he never truly took those words into serious consideration. It felt burdening, to mull over the extent of his life and all that he’s done over the course of it. It reminded him of things he tires himself trying to avoid.

But sometimes, he gets caught up in those thoughts. Those aching reminders that float from one side of his head to another, always able to find the right spot to take all his focus at the worst time possible. Certain days, those sometimes become all times, constantly battling against him as he struggles to keep his composure against the incessant plague that haunts his mind. It’s utterly exhausting.

On those days, Moon always manages to find him somehow. May it be by chance or badly hidden worried intent, Moon always finds him.

Today is a bad day. A day filled with memories and reminders that sting at every wound he’s ever had, the ache in his chest becoming worse the more he lays, his own mind threatening to consume him.

Blood Moon isn’t here, currently, having gotten Eclipse’s word that he would still be there when they returned from their hunt. At first, he thought nothing of it- Blood Moon had their own things to do, he understood that. Respected it, even. However, once his head managed to get it’s grubby hands on whatever coherence he had, he instantly regretted letting them go.

And now, here he lays: under the blankets, trembling so much that the mere thought of standing makes him dizzy and nauseous. Despite his inherent weakness, his claws clutch vainly at the bed sheets, grasping so hard that they run holes into the fabric.

Oh, how his mind drags him on, teaching him the steps to a dance he already knows, but loathes all the same.

“KC!”

Eclipse stiffens for the hundredth time today, eyes growing wider the deeper he falls into the memory.

“KC! YOU CAN’T LET THEM DO THIS!!”

His systems begin to overheat, vents coming in quick, short intervals that do nothing to prevent his impending panic.

“IT WASN’T MY FAULT!”

He doesn’t hear the door click softly open, doesn’t hear the footsteps that approach him.

“Let him go.”

A hand reaches out to him, hesitating to touch his shaking shoulder.

“LET HIM GO!”

Eclipse jolts backwards, his hand flying up to grasp Moon’s wrist even so. The tips of his claws dig into the soft sleeves of Moon’s outfit, cutting holes into the pristine fabric.

“Eclipse! It’s just me!” Moon shouts, taking a step back after Eclipse registers who it is and that he doesn’t intend to bring any harm, thusly releasing Moon in the process. He shifts further out of Moon’s reach, pressing his back to the wall his bed sits against as Moon gives him a cautious glare.

“What’s your problem?” He snaps after a moment of pause, earning a tired look from Eclipse that almost makes Moon pity him.

“Nothing. Leave.” Eclipse retorts almost immediately, his gaze sharpening into a glare as he forces the exhaustion out of his expression. Moon looks dubious.

“You…can talk to me, you know. I won’t think any less of you, or whatever.”

Moon’s words strike a chord within Eclipse that seems to steal all the words from his mouth, since, for the next few moments, all he can do is stare. It makes no sense. How could he be so careless with his concern? Hasn’t Eclipse hurt him enough?

“Didn’t I tell you to leave?” He says instead, forcing down the nicer reply that festers in his voice box like an open wound. He can tell that his reaction only makes Moon more interested, red eyes focused on Eclipse’s own expression, waiting for the slightest shift or change, like a predator seeking weakness from it’s prey. Eclipse loathed that look. Especially when it was directed at him.

“Yes. And I’m choosing not to listen.” Moon responds in the most curt, sly way possible. Eclipse opens his mouth to change his demand into a threat, but he freezes as Moon steps further into the room, sitting quietly on the edge of the bed.

Eclipse grits his teeth. Why does Moon insist upon testing his patience like this? Doesn’t he understand how hard it is for Eclipse to control his temper? He’s not making his whole ‘redemption’ any easier.

“You have that thinking look on your face.”

Eclipse lifts his gaze, narrowing his eyes at Moon’s statement.

“Maybe because I’m thinking.” He snaps back, shifting further away from the other animatronic. Moon tilts his head the slightest bit.

“About?” He prompts, earning a snarl from Eclipse.

“What is it with you and getting into my business?”

Moon doesn’t seem as intimidated as Eclipse hoped he would be by the former-villains biting tone. Instead, Moon moves closer, agitating Eclipse the moment be begins to stir.

“Get out! Leave me alone! Don’t you know that-“

Eclipse’s words fall short, dying in his voice box with a soft crackle. Moon’s hand rests softly on top of Eclipse’s own- a gentle touch that, for some reason, breaks some of Eclipse’s walls down. He finds himself struggling to find another demand amongst the rubble his anger leaves behind.

“I may not be all that great with emotions and such, but I can tell you’re distressed. I have been told I play a good therapist, so…lay it on me, if you wish.”

Eclipse stares dumbly at him, at a complete loss for words as he analyses Moon’s expression, looking for any hint of mockery. When he sees nothing but sympathy, he finds himself beginning to tear up, of all things, in front of Moon.

“What are you doing? Why are you doing this?” He croaks, reminiscent of a time when he’d been in denial that Moon decided to save him. When the younger animatronic let him lean into the warmth his body no longer produced- when he felt that flicker of safety in the arms of someone he used to consider an enemy.

“It’s alright, Eclipse. It’s okay. I won’t let them hurt you again.”

He breaks down. Before Moon can supply an answer, Eclipse grabs him and pulls him into a hug, sobbing openly into his shoulder as Moon sits in stunned silence, wondering how to comfort him- if he should comfort him, or if he needed these tears to heal something much deeper than he ever could with his words alone.

The words stick like glue to Eclipse’s psyche, the comforting tone of the beast playing on repeat in his head.

But Moon would never know that tone. He only knows the sinister, devilish grin painted on the face of a murderer he thinks has only been seen in his head. What would he do if he knew that KC had a body of its own?

Would he go after it?

The thought only makes him cry harder, gritting his teeth together in an effort to stifle his sobs.

“When is this going to get easier?” Eclipse finds himself asking, shaking hands curling into the fabric of Moon’s shirt. The other animatronic stays silent for a moment, still stunned by Eclipse’s display of vulnerability, though he finds his voice before the situation can further escalate.

“When is what going to get easier?” Moon asks, voice quiet- subdued.

“This! All of this! The emotions, the self-hatred, the constant contradictions that bite back at me for every thought I have- just…just all of it!” Eclipse finds himself saying, words spilling from his mouth before he can even think to stop them. His despair morphs into a familiar type of anger that forces his hands to release Moon, pulling away in favor of vigorously wiping the tears from his face.

Stupid, stupid, stupid…he must think so lowly of you now- all these tears, this sadness, a useless venture in front of others! The judgement will be well earned!

“…..I’ve found that it doesn’t really get easier, Eclipse.”

Moon’s reply lacks the disgust that Eclipse expected to hear behind his words, slowly lifting his gaze to focus back on the night-themed jester at his side. His expression is conflicted- not with disdain or frustration, but with empathy and respect. It’s as if this show of emotion from Eclipse offered Moon a different perspective on the other that he hadn’t quite considered before.

The thought brings a slight bit of confusion to Eclipse’s face.

“But…all these changes since you first started to work towards being better…it shows that you’re trying. Personally, I think you’ve really improved since then. Those contradictions and self-hatred show that you regret what you did before. Which means you’re better. Being emotional comes with change, and this is a big change for you. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m…” Moon pauses at that, carefully contemplating before carrying on; “I’m sorry that your mind is retaliating in a way that hurts you. You don’t deserve that. But…you aren’t alone. I find myself lost in the same concepts that you’re struggling with- maybe even for the same reasons, as well. I used to have the same sort of ideals that you did, and it was a long and hard process of breaking those habits. Some of them are still there to this day. Even so, I’ve found that the one true consolation that I have changed is that…people love me. The others listen- they care about what I have to say. Just like I’m sitting here listening to you. You have changed, Eclipse. Your mind may tell you differently, but…it knows you in a different way than I do. You view yourself differently than everyone else does. I’m not saying that you should try and change the way you see yourself, I’m just saying that…it’s okay. You’re okay.”

Eclipse listens in silence, his entire body stiff as a statue. He keeps thinking that Moon will stop and shrug off what he’s saying- make some crude remark to lighten the mood in the darkest way possible, but…he doesn’t. Instead, he just keeps going. With each added word, the tension in his chest eases more.

By the end of Moon’s speech, Eclipse finds himself almost smiling again. The slightest upturn to his mouth, carrying a whisper of hope that doesn’t quite play in his voice box, but touches his core nonetheless.

And, for the first time all day, his mind is at ease. No stretch of gratitude that he could offer would truly encompass the relief he feels at that realization.

“You know…I’d almost assume you think fondly of me after all that.” Eclipse jests, earning a soft, sarcastic sounding chuckle from Moon. But Eclipse can tell it isn’t quite fake- the amusement in Moon’s eyes proves that so.

“Don’t push your luck.” Moon drawls.

When Blood Moon does return later in the day, apologizing profusely for taking as long as they did, they find both Moon and their dad curled up against one another, sleeping soundly in the comfortable silence of the room. The twins can’t help the small, fond smile that rises onto their face as they clamber up onto the bed themselves, snuggling up against Eclipse, stirring their father the slightest bit in doing so.

It doesn’t take long for him to fall back asleep, however, one arm draped over his sons while the other is held captive by Moon’s grip.

[ohbo-ohno]

How do you write fanfiction without going ooc?

Personally I think you're the best cod writer, I'm considering writing some fan fiction but I'm scared the characters arent in character

"best cod writer"??? when i haven't posted in like a month?? oh babe we are getting MARRIED ilysm thank you <3

im actually like fucking terrible at giving advice (i am not a well spoken person lmao) but i can talk At you for a bit about this!!!

grasping a character's voice is actually like. deeply difficult, and it's maaaaybe the thing i struggle with most when writing (or at least one of the things lmao). especially bc literally every single writer has a different voice for every character, so you have to find what works best for your story and your style. your ghost shouldn't look/sound exactly like someone else's ghost, because he's yours, yk?

that also being said - things that are ooc to me aren't necessarily ooc to someone else. the ghost in my mind would never let you call him a cheesy pet name like "sisi", but that doesn't mean that someone else's ghost wouldn't, yk? and to them, they're in character! so you've kinda got to decide what you think being in character is, if that makes any sense

i read a looooot of fanfiction before i started writing my own cod stuff. i've only watched the full campaign once, but i've read what's probably dozens of fics lmao - my ghost and soap are an amalgamation of the things i enjoyed most in other people's fics. think about the things that you love the most in your favorite fics, and see if you can replicate that tone/vibe

i also think that getting a character's Voice is a lot more than just dialogue. i write in either second person or third person limited, but for the sake of this i'll talk a bit about third person limited

if i'm writing smth like i'll eat you whole, im technically writing from johnny's perspective, right? so i don't write his internal monologue in his accent, but i do use certain adjective he would - like instead of describing ghost as "broad" or "hulking", i said he's "a big motherfucker" bc that's how i think johnny would talk. this doesn't matter nearly as much with second person, but letting johnny's voice float into the internal monologue helps keep me in the right headspace for the fic. it's easier for me to maintain his voice if i never really let it go, yknow what i mean?

also i know this sounds sooo stupid but i think a big part of writing in character is literally just thinking "can i see them saying this? would a person like this do this?"

like. okay. ghost is a 6'4 special forces lieutenant who is willing to do literally anything if it means completing his mission. he's a big man with an even bigger reputation. can you see him begging for your forgiveness at the slightest argument? can you see him stuttering on a first date?

and soap is an incredibly accomplished sergeant who's set records in the military, he's a demolitions expert and a skilled sniper with a hell of a temper. can you see him giggling? can you see him crying when his girlfriend is mad at him?

sometimes making sure you're not writing ooc is as simple as "They Would Not Fucking Say That", and as unhelpful as it is, that's literally just based on vibes

is any of that coherent at all?? i genuinely don't know. hope i didn't make things worse! ily!

(also just as general writing advice - practice!!! don't post everything you write!! i cannot tell you how many things i've written will never see the light of day, but all my little failures in writing have given me a better grasp on the characters, yk? you have to do badly and recognize what's bad before you can be super happy with your writing. write something and then focus on exactly what feels off to you, and change only that. idk. maybe im spouting bullshit)

[askaniritual]

jordannn i don't know if you've spoke on this before but on the whole what is your opinion on the differences between the book v the amc tv series re: iwtv?

oooo inchresting question! obviously the show and the books are so different as to almost defy comparison like the broad strokes of the story are the same but pretty much every character is characterized differently than their book counterpart

to me louis stands out as the character whose changes are most load-bearing specifically because the show is very deliberately concerned with his status as protagonist whereas in the books louis from his inception exists more as a shadow of and companion to lestat

louis in the books is repeatedly described as melancholy, eternally grieving and beautiful in his grief, weak, and most importantly unusually human in his mannerisms and outlook. the louis of the books exists mostly to follow lestat around telling him that his joyful exuberance and disregard for the rules is going to get him in trouble (which tbf is true) and he is described as somebody perpetually kind of out of step with the world. book louis will happily sit at home in the dark, wearing ratty old clothes and reading book after book in the light of a single candle

i think a lot of the ways his character has been changed for the show are very deliberate and ties into what the show is trying to say about race and sexuality but i also think very simply a character like book louis does not make for a very interesting tv show protagonist lol. i think it makes a lot of sense to have show louis be somebody plagued by melancholy but still willing to engage with the world, but it is also funny to see louis in the show describe his years of drugged debauchery and then smash cut to book louis who lives in a shack with no electricity because he doesn’t believe he deserves the comfort

i think a lot of the changes to lestat's character are in response to show louis having significantly more agency (atlhough of course the way he looks for people who will tell him how to live his life is an important aspect of his character) and i am excited for the new season to see more of the differences between book and show lestat now that they’re not going to be exclusively filtered through louis’ recollection. lestat in the books is definitely anne rice’s poor little meow meow who can do no wrong (although he is of course so tortured by his fundamentally evil nature no matter how many beautiful men he gathers around himself to tell him that he’s actually really a good person) and i think the show is interested in complicating that narrative. i do want to save my full evaluation of that until we can see rockstar lestat though and also get a better sense of what the framing device of the show is going to be because the books after iwtv are very specifically concerned with lestat telling his own story, without mediating it through the lens of daniel's writing

i think overall for meeeeeee (for me!) the tv show is a more compelling story although one that literally needs the vampire chronicles books to exist, not just because like, it’s based on them lol but because the show is so deliberately engaging with the concept of narrative and adaptation. like of course the show is interesting in its own right but i think what is soooo delicious to me is what it says about the original text of the books, and the way that differences between the show and the book feel deliberate both in how they cause the viewer to question the story being told and in how they are clearly making a statement about race and sexuality and the stories we tell about both of those topics, both of which are topics that i would say that the books um. struggle with

idk if this is at all coherent lol because honestly there’s too many differences to catalog one by one but my overall thought is most of the changes are for the good even though there are characters whose book counterparts i find compelling in their own way (especially armand and daniel)

[d0gbrained]

the most disappointing thing about the fnaf movie is that you can very clearly see everything it could have been but it’s sabotaged by its own writing. Half the film I was sat there like ‘just let me write the damn thing’ because of how obvious all the fixes seemed.

The setting, direction, acting, most of the cinematography, etc etc were all really good and actually super unique for a mainstream “horror” release (I say horror in quotes because I hesitate to call the film a horror, which isn’t something I mind as much as most people seem to) you can really tell Tammi had a vision which is further backed up by her talking passionately in interviews about the theme she was going for.

There’s a sort of dreary late-stage-capitalist nihilism to it all. Our protagonist is struggling to hold a job because of his mental health issues, he’s constantly fighting to prove to his family + society at large his ability to raise his sister and is worthy of the resources he needs to do the bare minimum. His surroundings are full of dead grass, sprawling suburbs, concrete and dreary colors. Even the most exciting pieces of the set (mostly at freddy’s) are in complete decay, and are further destroyed by his aunt in a desperate attempt to pry her away for monetary gain. Childhood joy falls away to reveal the tragedy of adulthood and the realities of our world.

Abi slowly comes to this realization not just in interacting with the ghost children, but finding the exchange of custody papers. Later on, learns the hard way that there are people out there with bad intentions, that people you see as friends can turn around and hurt you. In a way, the ghost children are acting out their trauma with Abi, repeating the cycle, betraying her with friendship and pulling her deeper in because they don’t know better. Mike repeats his own trauma every night, vanessa is passive in her cycle of trauma, etc etc. all these threads exist and yet are not tied together in any way that’s satisfying. There was such a perfect setup here and yet at the end of the movie Abi seems to be the exact same, learning nothing. Mike does show signs of character development which come down to ‘i need to be a better brother’ and some closure, but a lot of the reasons he was a bad brother were entirely systematic and not under his control, so it’s a sort of hollow conclusion.

Idk i have a lot of thoughts on this but most of them sum up to “the reason this movie falls flat because in so many aspects it just doesn’t make sense.” Scott Cawthon is actively killing his own series with his egotism because he just can’t have a single fnaf project come out that he hasn’t written in some manner despite claiming he was stepping away from the series. I will write something more coherent about it at a later point methinks.