#if that anon comes back I’m just gonna delete the message tbh

[kingofanemptyworld]

Lmao this anon is really obsessed with Sakura's backstory 💀

I hope Sakura's backstory will be the last thing, it would be more unique imo

I feel even suo will get his backstory before Sakura

I think it being closer to the end would be interesting! Like, it would be highlighting how far Sakura’s come by juxtaposing his current self with his past self.

I will also say I’m not, personally, super attached to getting more than the bare bones of his background. Bits and pieces that give us context as to why Sakura’s so alone and so embittered by at the start of the story would be enough for me, I think. No one is going to make him divulge anything, and I feel like unless something from his past comes back to bite him in the ass, there’s a good chance he won’t willingly bring any of it up — aside from the vague flashbacks we’ve gotten already. And like. I’m good with that. The story isn’t about Sakura’s past (which I will say until I’m proven wrong lmao), it’s about his present, and his future prospects. It’s about him becoming the man he wants to be, someone who has friends, and is capable of protecting the things he loves, but who can rely on people, too, the way he wants them to rely on him.

As for Suo… lmao I made a joke awhile ago about never wanting Suo’s backstory. That’s probably not going to be a realized wish but I do kinda want him to be The Most Normal Guy Ever. Like, he’s just a chuuni. Given what we’ve seen of him that’s likely not going to be case but it would be so funny to me, so. Holding out hope the eyepatch at least is not for medical reasons.

[paxerle]

saw your oc and not surprised that it’s a child. no wonder aoex fandom has so much pedos in it that have child characters. go and delete yourself

okay normally I don’t answer on those hate messages but this one is personal so I try my best to explain what happened to me somehow idk my English is not the best and I’m not used to talk about personal stuff online.

🌼

Hi! My name is Pax and I’m receiving hate messages since I started posting art of my favorite character from Blue Exorcist.

At first it was only on twitter. I started posting around a year ago and then people sent me messages like how they hate Arthur. I wasn’t used to be part of a fandom so I thought it was kinda normal. I just blocked the people and yes it became calmer after that. Then it started on tumblr too. I love to get questions where I can draw something in return but I also got anon questions that are just rude or weird. Luckily you can block anons too but somehow they always come back to me after a small amount of time and tbh idk what I do wrong.

I am ignoring, deleting and blocking those all the time. Don’t get me wrong I really don’t care much but saying stuff like I’m a pedo is WRONG just because I have a child OC. I’ve never drawn him in any romantic way and I’ll never do. I don’t even think about that. Why should I? OCs are often like own children and my oc Kingo is like my own son. He was originally created for a roleplay where Arthur decided to adopt him after a lot of things happened to him. They are only father and son and they love each other because Arthur is trying to be a really good dad like he always trying to do his best with no matter what he do. The point is Kingo became my OC after I got the diagnosis that I’d never be able to get own children after trying it for 4 years. It was my dream even if a lot of people couldn’t imagine how important it can be for a woman who really wants this. I build a house where everything should be safe for my future child. Getting this result of all my tests and my health conditions was a shock I’ll never get fully over it even if I pretend. My relationship broke after 8 years and I never felt so useless.

This is the reason why I created my OC Kingo. Not because I am a pedo or something wtf. It was because I found consolation in having a fictional son and that he has a family that cares about him. Thats why Kingo will always be a very special OC and I get very emotional when it comes to him.

I know I don’t need to explain myself and who the fuck is gonna read that text hmm but yes. Stop hating me I just wanna do art. Nothing more. You’re annoying go out and do something nice instead of hating each other ✨

[thehighladywrites]

Hey! Can I ask a few questions? Imma ask my every fav author these.

1. How long have you been Writing?

2. Are you planning to make a profession out of this or just doing it for fun?

3. Who or which character do you prefer to write more for?

4. What do you do when you're out of ideas?

5. Lastly, Will plz give an advice for the young writers out that.

hi sweet anon, ofc you can!!💗💗 also thank you omg😭😭

1. I’ve been writing for anime characters since 2020 on twitter, wattpad and ao3 but i stopped in 2022 bc school killed me. And now I’ve been writing on this acotar blog since october 2023💗

2. I have no idea what the future holds but for now, i’m thinking just as a hobby. I’ve participated in nanowrimo in my school district and i won back when i was like 15-16. It was really fun and i started writing more and more with anime characters and now i’ve expanded. But i’m only keeping it as a hobby i think😵‍💫💗

3. My fav characters to write for are sanzu from tokyo revengers, eren from aot, gojo, toji, nanami and geto from jjk, the entire msby team from haikyuu, the hashiras from demon slayer and everyone in acotar tbh but the ic is my fav, especially the guys + vanserra brothers.

4. I’m gonna be honest, i don’t really run out of ideas, it’s more about motivation. Bc i can come up with the wildest plot and the most jaw dropping storyline but i just sometimes can’t find it in me to write it all down. But if i ever find myself in that situation, i just go back to my old notes and what i used to write. Or i go to tiktok and see what’s trending and make a fic/headcanons out of it. For example my bow trend idea was from tiktok and i just edited in bows to the pictures.

5. For the writers out there, my biggest tip is not loosing hope. It was really hard in the beginning and I considered just deleting my accounts several times but i didn’t. It seems impossible at first but i promise it will not be like that forever. And consistency is key. If i don’t want to post anything, i just yap och post something random tbh.

And connect with other writers on this app. Don’t be afraid like i was. I was literally moots-less on my old accounts for like 2-3 months bc i was scared😭😭 writers and my moots are so fucking nice, especially in the acotar fandom. Everyone are so sweet and i promise they’re really fun and nice to talk to.

If you’re worried at all, please do not have any doubts. Just hit me up or message me whatever you want!! I’m always available and I love to make new friends💗💗

[bisluthq]

lost online friend anon here - I think I’m more affected by it because her reasoning was needing a break from fandom and falling out of the hyperfixation, and I totally get that, in fact I’m a bit jealous tbh, but she deactivated her account without warning after her messages and I feel upset. I think it’s also the fact that she’s out there touching grass and I know I should be doing that more too lol but fandom brings me comfort and so did our friendship. I just feel hurt that she didn’t feel like we could continue talking outside of the context of fandom despite us talking for years about personal things too. Idk, this just made me confront how online I am and I think I need to pull a nat but don’t know how lmao. A lot of my hobbies are tied to media consumption.

I mean she's probably gonna be back because that's how it works like we've all been round the block enough to know you go but then you come back. Maybe you take a new name and whatnot and maybe you just come back lmao like that's eventually gonna happen. We've all been on this ride before like lbr.

I think it's crummy that she didn't like give you her number before she peaced if you've been friends for years. That would hurt a lot. When I was like not active here and when I was deleting Insta and shit I made sure my FRIENDS had ways to contact me. But also like you can't know other people's thought processes idk and like absolutely online things bring us comfort and that's okay like we shouldn't have to justify what we enjoy doing.

I think give yourself space to grieve, know that she'll almost certainly be back lol because onlinerism is a syndrome not a disease so you'll never be cured of it, and find new online friends to talk about weird hyper fixations idk.

[jamaisjoons]

hello whores 😍😍🤪🤪

HELLO ALL IT HAS BEEN A H O T MINUTE!!! Anyway this notice is to let you know that I will soon be coming back to tumblr!!! I’ve had the urge to write again recently after a while of not wanting to because I kinda burned out along with other stuff like health + home life + depression in general. I recently (yesterday) went to the aquarium and I just missed my man in intro her/lavender skies so much that I rly wanted to start writing it again isdiekdowkekr so hopefully by the coming weekend (no promises) I will have the first chapter up, so I hope u look forward to it!!

A few things about me coming back from my impromptu hiatus:

I have a LOT of asks in my inbox (800 or so last time I checked) and it’s honestly overwhelming. there’s honestly no plausible way I could answer everything in there and a lot of it is months old. Therefore, I’m gonna take some time to rift through my inbox and delete EVERYTHING. If I find something I want to answer I probably will but for the majority of it, I’m just gonna delete. I know this sucks and I do appreciate the time everyone spent sending me all the wonderful asks but I just want to be realistic. After I clear out my inbox, if you have sent me anything that I haven’t answered but you wanna send again, please feel free to!! Though I’m sure most of you have forgotten 𝘺𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘴 diendowkrkr

I also have a LOT of direct messages. Thank you to everyone who sent me something while I was gone. I promise I’m not ignoring you it’s just I have so much and I just wasn’t around. I’m gonna try my hardest to respond to you all as soon as possible but I also wanna be wary of how much time I give this app because honestly sometimes it feels like a chore/job. So please by patient with me I’m only one person running this blog 😭

Once I’m done clearing out my asks I will be turning on anon once again. I recently turned it off because. honestly. it’s exhausting arguing with white people over racism on the daily. especially when they don’t even have the balls to say it off anon. every time a matter of racism is brought up on here some white person wants to argue and I’m honestly done with it. I don’t care what your opinions are or if you disagree with anything I post or not. tbh you don’t even get to have an opinion or a voice on these matters but that’s another story. either way feel free to unfollow but I’m not gonna sit here and argue with you about what constitutes racism and how you personally feel victimised by a post created by a poc because you are ‘trying your hardest’ and ‘aren’t racist’ or how you ‘make positive changes’ or whatever the fuck you wanna say. anyone who wants to argue hence forth will just be blocked like I’m so tired of y’all I rly am.

once again pls don’t ask me about updates. it’ll come out when I feel like writing/updating. the only update you really need to know about right now is: I will be working on lavender skies whenever I can this week in hopes to get it up by next weekend hehe

[djarrex]

Hi everyone, just wanted to address what happened last night along with some other things from before that all tie in together.

There’s multiple parts to the following post - please make sure you read all of it if you’re gonna take the time to even start.

It was midnight and y'all were still jumping in on anon and telling me how I'm awful for not commenting, owning up, or taking responsibility - I should have been in bed. I have a life and job outside this app; and with the several of you in my inbox and it being too late at night to address each, I’m gonna do it now. I can’t not say something about all of this. I just can’t keep quiet and ignore the problem - it’s not fair to you all. Deleting one post already has you guys even more riled up and all I wanted to do was offer something better than a “half-hearted apology” (it was very late at night when I wrote that very short apology, and wanted a redo tbh). 

I really didn't want to make a long post like this. I reached out to a select few on here because I care about them (there's more of you, but like I said, it was at the time after midnight and I was fucking exhausted). but I was being demanded for accountability. So here I am.

Allow me to be real with you all, if that's ok. If it's not, well, idk. First I wanna address all you anons, who, instead of speaking to me one on one about all this, want to criticize me and shame me and my writing when truthfully it feels like you haven't even read more than a handful of my work. I didn’t realize that I write the clones all the same way? That I always make them super aggressive and uncaring and dom? “you write every single clone as so dominant instead as unique individual men with their own personalities” Interesting. See, that right there tells me you haven't read nearly enough of my stuff for me to believe that's true. That's one accusation I absolutely will not back you on because I know it’s inaccurate - saying how I group the clones into some overly-aggressive, and uncaring category - that I always write all of them as mean in bed because they're men of color. And hey, if I do write rough smut - which yeah, it's out there and I write it, as do a lot of you - there are warnings at the beginning, aftercare, dialogue, reader sharing their feelings, and most importantly... consent between the two. That’s what warnings are for, so that you know what you’re going to be reading. That’s why I, as we all do, appreciate warnings listed at the tops of fics; honestly, write them sub or dom or switch or however you want but don’t come at me like that. I’m sorry if I'm coming across as rude because I'm usually not, I’m one of the nicest people you’ll meet, but I will not stand idly by while you chastise my writing (writing that is pretty much the same type of stuff a lot of you write & rb with the same characters) that you haven’t read enough of to back such claims.

Next: Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart,

I get it. Really, I do. I fully understand the problem of whitewashing in SW along with almost everywhere else, and I do not agree with it. It's a huge problem, and it needs to be rectified. Now just because I don't speak publicly about it and opt out of publicly shaming TBB, doesn't mean that I agree with what’s going on. Not everyone is comfortable with sharing their opinions on a subject, no matter what that subject is or which side they're on. You live and you learn when it comes to that. 

It has never been my intention to fetishize POC in my writing, which btw, the same people who are saying that it is my intention are the ones claiming I portray all of the clones as the same, aggressive men, lacking their individuality. It’s a claim that is simply not true, and I know I have followers on here to back me up on that. I know what I've written; how about you check it out and tell me that you don't see the words "soft" or "fluff" or "cuddling" or “gentle” or “tender” within my work linked in my ML. Clone character being a good partner and father? Tender love making? Holding each others faces in their hands? “We/you survived” sex? Taking care of their partner? Saying “I love you” to one another? Confirming the safe word and going slow at first? Oh my - riveting and harsh stuff - totally unacceptable.  

Now: My admittedly problematic writings of Rex + Zygerria,

I went into writing that rp fic totally unaware and unknowing of the true implications. For that, I sincerely apologize. When I posted the NSFW alphabet, that’s when I was called out on that rp fic - not when I first posted it. Which the timeline doesn’t matter, I know that, but it concerns me a little bit that no one spoke up about it sooner - letting me dig myself deeper into a hole that I didn’t realize I was inside of in the first place. I've apologized once, and I know that doesn't negate what happened; I acknowledged my mistake back then, but I suppose that wasn’t good enough. I had asked you, anon, to message me to give me guidance, to teach me on what to do about the fic - you stayed hidden. Well, respectfully, what the fuck? I know we're all adults but don't lecture me and avoid me when I’d literally reached out for guidance on how to properly rectify the issue. I fixed my wording in some of my fics (the things I’ve caught upon rereading them) because I recognized and more importantly learned about and from my mistakes along with the unintentional negative implications of how I wrote those characters. Some of y'all wanna tell me that I "haven't learned"? Who are you, my personal blog police? My professor? My life coach? Are you even my friend? If I'm wrong and haven't learned, then fucking educate me. I worked hard on that rp fic, just like I do with a majority of what I write, but it doesn’t matter because I will delete it knowing that it’s harmful to others and I apologize for inadvertently romanticizing slavery with what I wrote - it was unintentional, and I’m truly sorry to those who have been hurt by it. I know it’s wrong, and there’s no proper excuse for it. Can’t go back in time, but consider it gone now.

Since that first wakeup call, I’ve been working hard to ensure I avoid using certain words and ideas when describing the clones in my fics. If there’s still something you see that isn’t correct or is inappropriate, please tell me! Don’t hold it in but then jump on the “attack M” bandwagon. Private message me, or come peacefully off or on anon, there will be no hard feelings. I don’t mind being corrected when I make a mistake - that’s just part of life, we all make mistakes and we live and learn from them. Making mistakes doesn’t = scumbag human. When you hold your breath and choose not to take the time to guide me, and if I appear to still be making the same mistakes, well, idk. I’m telling you right now that I do not mind if you message me with the good intention of pushing me in the right direction. When you come at me with hostility on anon, well, no thank you. To the anons that came without rage: thank you! I read what you wrote, and I have a better understanding as to how my writing had hurt the lovely followers of mine, and tried to address as much as possible in this post. See, angry mob anons? It costs zero credits to be kind and offer up your thoughts and advice with a good heart. I’m not going to hate you or block you if you try to correct me. I don’t block unless you’re a snoopin’ minor. Just don’t hold a knife to my throat.

Now: Why did I delete the tags and then my response to that anon ask? 

Simply put: I felt awful. Deleting it doesn’t immediately mean I’m hiding from it and ignoring the issue. I wanted to come up with a better apology, explanation, whatever you wanna call it, because my followers deserve that. The ones who enjoy my work, the ones who interact, the ones who I call my friends, the ones who know that I’m a good person. Didn’t want to leave the tags/post floating around all night, giving more people time to sharpen their pitchforks and join the mob while I attempted to sleep. Trust me, I know saying that I had no ill intentions when tagging that post doesn’t make it better nor does it make it go away. I’m just trying to show you my point of view, that I knew immediately how I should not have tagged it that way, so that’s why I deleted them. I corrected my mistake. But y’all are too fucking quick I swear.

One more thing:

I know some of you who had called me out with the passive-aggressive inbox messages are still following me, and for what? You don’t like what I post, which is why one would follow another in the first place, so why bother sticking around? Do you feel like you need to police my blog? You want to be there the literal minute I make a mistake? I’m gonna turn off anon for a bit, so if you wanna discuss, message me. Just know that if you’re going to come at me with knives out, I probably won’t reply to you. 

To conclude:

I’m sorry. Truly sorry for the entire Rex + Zygerria outfit + slaver ordeal with both the fic from a while ago and then the tags from last night. We can’t go back in time; the only option is to correct past mistakes that are able to be corrected, and then move on with new knowledge that’ll aid in me working even harder to ensure my writing isn’t inappropriate or offensive, and doesn’t hurt my followers nor the characters I write for. I’m still going to write self-indulgent filth and fluff, post-order 66 Rex, and other misc shit. I enjoy writing fanfic, as I know a lot of you enjoy reading what I write and love to talk to me about it. I hope that this didn’t come off as me being a bitch, because I’m really not. I enjoy interacting with the handful of people on here that I’d call my friends, and I love reading your reactions and tags to my fics when you’re excited and/or horny (LOL). It’s just after lunch time where I’m at, so I hope you have a great rest of the day/night/morning whatever for wherever you are.  

<3 

M

[sexydreamgirl]

this might come off as mean but tbh your whining tag is kind of rude. some of the ppl on there are prob new to law of attraction/manifesting and instead of actually paying attention to them, you’re writing it off as whining.

also it’s kind of weird how you say in ur bio people can vent/trauma dump but then write off people who do that with LOA as whining. imo its just rude and invalidating. dealing w that all the time is probably frustrating but instead of saying they’re whining just don’t answer the ask 💀

It isn’t kind of rude. It is rude, that’s the point, so it can discourage y’all from sending such messages in the future. I cannot bring myself to delete the questions because I know they want help otherwise they wouldn’t come to me. I’ve stated that I answer everything I receive including that dreadful spider man incident so I just choose to post these asks I get anyway so people know I’ve received them. I love talking to my followers and I especially love my anons. I receive about 50 questions a day, +250 if I’m online and I’m always happy to help people (so long as I don’t have to repeat myself hence why I have a FAQ and # my answered questions). However, if you do not provide a question I cannot help you.

Also, vents/trauma dumps are not the same as whining imo. A vent is more of a rant or just a need to let out strong feelings about something while a trauma dump is usually a long dump pertaining to trauma or other overwhelming predicaments. Whining is just complaining. But you provide a fairly valid point that I have previously considered and I completely understand what you mean, I was kinda iffy about it too because I know it’d be a cunt move to pass something off as whining if it’s a vent/proper frustration which in case then you’d be right, that’d be invalidating and I’m sure I must have been unable to differentiate the two on a few occasions.

I consent to receiving trauma dumps and vents because other blogs aren’t okay with receiving them and I know I can take on them (I’ve done it multiple times). My answers range in length depending on the question because repetition becomes tiring and I can’t keep writing customized prescriptions but I still do what I can when I can. I let people send whatever they want on here whether it’s to pour out their frustration (which would be a dump) or whatever it is because it can be a cathartic mechanism but if I’m receiving nothing but when I receive something like “the law is such bs it doesn’t work for me” with NO question? That’s straight up whining and nothing else. It’s like... okay... what do you want me to say? You’re here vaguely telling me about your problem which I would assume is for the sake of soliciting help but I’m gonna need you to come with a question because I’m not gonna sit there and take my time to pry it out of you, I’m not your therapist. I’m intentionally making myself available to you all so in order for us to meet in the middle be reasonable with what you send if you actually want help.

Anyone who follows me knows that I love helping people and if that weren’t the case my blog would cease to exist. If you read what I write back, I always validate the feelings and struggles these people are feeling and I aim to be as mindful as possible when sensitive topics are discussed (because empathy is required when running a blog like this) and you need to tread lightly. I always advise with the best intentions and when the chance presents itself, I will dedicate extra time to the answers I provide because I love you and I want to give you what I would consider the best advice/answer that I can give you. What I’m trying to say is I’m always here to help you for whatever the case may be but if you’re not actually doing your part so I can do that, then you’re wasting both of our times. I have a huge, huge tolerance for this kinda thing and call it rude, call me a pos, but I also need to set some guidelines in place if you’re gonna be sending me something with the expectation that I respond to it. I pour my heart into the answers I provide when I am up for it and while I do understand that people struggle, receiving something without substance is just annoying. 

(+ for future reference you don’t need to be like “hey this might be mean but” just send girl I can handle it)

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hey!! 👋🏽😄 I know you said in your last rant about SK8 and Reki and Renga that you were one of those people that always looks up and learns from others, but after your last Langa edit, I just wanted to remind you how immensely talented you are. I might have not seen your first attempts at editing, but I know how it looks like when you're barely starting something, and I'm sure everyone is proud of the progress you've made and many people looks up to you as the level of skill they want to achieve. You're doing amazing! 💖💖💖

Hi, my love!!!!!! ASDFSDFGHG that’s soooo sweet, thank you so much for saying this, it really means the world to me <3 Oh, haha I’ve deleted most of my old videos so it wouldn’t hurt anyone’s eyes lmao T_T I’m still a bit nervous each time I’m uploading my vids to the day to be honest, even with so many subs rn, but at first I really didn’t have any supporters at all and my god I sucked at this, but I guess the love for my fav ships was stronger apparently haha. So I always get silly happy at each nice comment and feedback, so thank you seriously. 

I really love love love vidding, Idk why but when smth comes out the way I wanted it’s a super addictive feeling for some reason, but many times I just looked at the final result and just threw it in the trash and started over and my god how many times SonyVegas crushed and didn’t autosave the project. I’m like Suga now, I’m pressing the save button each 2 minutes, cause don’t want to lose anything xD Being someone’s inspiration is truly an honor to me, I’ve got some messages that hit me too hard. Still feels weird bc I’m like “but do you know that I can’t even use photoshop tho, how do u like me now then?” lol.

I’m always drawn to talented characters, bc they amaze me, esp the humble ones. Like those who hate Haru or Lanaga just buffle me honestly. I understand that they’re pretty and talented and everything, but they’re also the sweetest and loveliest human beings, so like...??? And I adore those who don’t whine and get what they want. I just can’t help it. I’m a strong believer in the fact that "you can do anything if you put your mind to it”. So far it worked in real life so suck it lol.

People are also saying like Langa doesn’t deserve to win this and Haru doesn’t deserve to be in Olympics, like Langa didn’t snowboard since he was 2 and Haru wasn’t swimming every day since he was born. I’m like.. and you need to check in the mirror if your face is a shade of green. BTW I’ve also been in a professional sports for quite a long time since I was a little kid, ballroom dancing and adored it back then, and I did not get jealous at ppl who were talented than me, I was watching the tapes actually with a popcorn. And oh god those large competition events when you sit there for days and give it all, but then you’re like 296 out of 1000. Why was I proud instead of being sad? Idk xD It was fun.

So thanks for liking the vid, cause I even regretted uploading it a bit yesterday. Sadly everyone already knows that we lost this fandom to the middle schoolers being extra, so they do not care for anything each episode except for this ship, so that’s what I got for posting a just Langa vid:

And etc. and that just made me sad, cause I do not like such fandoms, like it’s not even related to the video, that I’ve been making... with love.  Also thanks for the "sama” title, I’m flattered, but editor only wants to vid matchablossom for now, so like there’s no need for any warnings. I’ve been in such horrendoes fandoms, that I’m immune to this. I also in fact didn’t know some keep ruining Langa’s page and saying that he steals Reki’s screen time... cause he’s aparently the only main character...? ...lmao? I didn’t even know Langa can be hated tbh. I wasn’t really ready for all the drama that followed me making a vid about him.

I’ve already deleted some comments, cause I’m like what this even has to do with the vid about Langa? No, I am not obliged to make a vid about Reki, too. What if I post a matchablossom vid, everyone will only start commenting “do renga”, cause fuck your efforts? I’m like... I hate such fanbases, seriously. I do not even know where this is going, but their fans are already pissing me off. I’m still trying hard for this to not affect my point of view about the ship, cause it’d be kinda unfair to them, but its getting harder each week istg.

And I maybe can’t take requests, but I love when some try to get me addicted on their ship with passion and great arguments. It happened to me with some nice ppl. But def not with agression and stupidity haha.

Cause apparently its one of the fandoms where you can’t NOT care for the main ship, even if you accept it for the only possible Langa ship (cause he doesn’t give a shit for anyone else, so like what’s the point), but it doesn’t do anything for you. I’m like... thanks for threatening. This will make me on board ASAP. Like it’s not the epitomy of love to me... I’m sorry? LMAO 

Some anon even sent me a “you’re dense” (literally thats it) ask after that Reki ask. I was tempted to write smth like “oh I’m sorry, this is the most epic love story of my life and his character is the most complex in the world and he’s the best friend and the most inspiring human being that ever hit my screen. can I become undense now? xD”. But you know I do not know if they’d realise the sarcasm and my pride sadly never allowed me to sell my life values for a bunch of 12 years olds to love me lol

My sister always laughs and jokingly says “but you’d probably get much more subs if you made a vid about this or that, but at what price that would be lmao”. Cause yeah, I never could make myself vid smth I do not like, cause I love vidding and do not want it to be associated with things I do not like, plus it’ll most likely turn out ugly, if I do not care. My mom says that she can feel love I put in my shipping vids that’s why she loves them. I really don’t think she’s wrong. But that also kinda makes me an idiot technically, cause I’m not into many of the popular ships, and some popular animes I just find really basic. 

Also I’m like 100% sure it ain’t happening, but even if they miraculously suck each other’s dicks while sitting on a skate board, I can still have the rights not to care at the end. Like did I sign some form where I’m obliged to love each and everyone canon gay ship even if it’s not what I like? Like gay is not the type of love in relationships. You can only care about his ass like Lan Zhan for example or you can only care about your ass. Like that’s different types of relationships, and whatever you like you like. So get all the way of people’s backs, please.

Also do ppl know that you do not need to be blind to the bad sides of the characters in your ships? Or you just gonna be like “I suddenly can’t see” for forever.

So really thanks for such wonderful message and liking the video and for the boosts when I need them and not being an ass to me if I’m not being obsessed with smth, when you like it. (like I think we have different ship in bnha, right? but we’re still doing great tho, thanks for being an angel <3)

I still didn’t expect this becoming a Voltron 2.0. situation tho. We in our twenties see everything differently, I guess. I do get extra about “their love is everywhere”, but I do not get extra by anonymously attacking ppl, threatening creators and yelling “queeerbating psychotic blind assholes if these two aint fucking by the end of the season I’m shaving my head and jumping out of the window and shoot the director. you do not ship it HARD? YOU DUMB FUCK. THAT’S THE BEST LOVE STORY IN THE WORLD”. Like damn, take your blinders off and see the world, kid. Firstly, it’s definitely not, secondly, ppl see love differently in general and at each age too.

Ah, also you must kill Adam, cause he’s a pedo apparently. Like he ain’t even a threat to your ship, unless you’re blind, but they’re still at it, like they do not know that this kind of age difference is literally nothing for an anime? And that there are canon ships with a huger age difference left and right, too. It’s like its their first time approaching an anime or smth. Like in anime world character can literally kill 1000 ppl with his bare hands and bathe in their blood and we can still stan them, depends on their story, ok? Also Langa couldn’t care less for his advances, so like separate Adam from your ship pls. Like, fuck off, if someone is interested in his character. Yeah, he’s a weirdo for reasons, but anime kind of weird do not apply to real life. Stop acting like you’re some purist, when later you’re gonna ship smth else and it suddenly will not apply. Also rules do not apply to animes, everyone knows they do not apply. These are not western cartoons, my god. And 24 years old flirting with 16 year old is defiinitely not the weirdest shit anyone has ever seen in the anime. Chinese BL has characters who were 14 and 30 when they met and happily married. Also FICTION is not life. Literally no one cares. If you’re scared for your saint eyes, do not watch animes, you’re gonna have a heart-attack from what you can see there. Also we’ve seen gayer bromances in animes, who are just bromances, so pls do not shoot anyone if it’s not canon.

So basically I was kinda pissed yersterday, cause fuck them for ruining the tag, but after chatting with my hommies and your ask, I’m okay again, I just have to avoid this fandom and stick to a tight community xD. I just got used to my nice fandoms and forgot for a bit about the precautions you need to take if you’re in one of those. You know. Who make a circus out of lgbt, instead of supporting it, and make other ppl hate being in fandoms.

P.S. sorry for this partially unrelated rant, your messages really always make my heart bloom, so thanks for supporting me, and I know you’re proud of my progress, too <3 and this makes me happy. LY

[thedreadvampy]

Like idk what you want from me here. If you want to engage me in a specific question about ace/aro identities, as I've said several times and nobody has ever actually done, then ask me the specific question. Don't fuck around with vague gestures at Points of Discourse and then get cross with me because I haven't answered the Exact Question you Didn't Ask But Expected Me To Intuit.

Preface: If you don't want to answer any of these because you are allo/allo and don't have a say because its not your place, say that. In fact, I'm asking these because you seem to do have opinions on things you shouldn't based off things you have said in the past.

I also want to state that I agree fully with your points about Martin- minus the blatant aphobia. Not just acephobia, arophobia as well.

1. Do you think qprs are problematic? I believe you once made a post saying roughly that qprs are just normal friendships, or something like that, that has since been deleted. What is your current opinion?

2. Are het aros lgbt?

3. Are het aces lgbt?

4. Cis aro/aces lgbt?

5. Cishet aro/aces?

6. Do the spectrums and micro identities exist? You've implied in the past they don't, in the post about how they were supposedly created from sex positivity

7. Can aros be in or desire romantic relationships?

8. Can aces have or desire sex?

9. Does the split attraction model exist and does it benefit people?

10. Can teenagers identify as aro/ace or do you think they're too young?

11. Can you be, say, an aroace lesbian, or an aroace gay, aroace bi, etc. Idk how to phrase this one but like can you be aroace and still id with another orientation?

I could send another anon detailing the aphobia in the post, because I at least am certainly not upset about Martin being sexual, rather it was the very blatant aphobia. It could have stemmed from ignorance, and if that's the case I don't mind explaining it.

Ok this is a lot of questions, some with quite involved answers, so I'm gonna answer them chunk by chunk so it's a bit more manageable, and then I might come back to some of the surrounding message. This isn't gonna be an immediate bang bang bang, but I'll try and work through them over the next couple of days.

Question 1

1. No, I don't think qprs are problematic. I don't necessarily understand them but I don't need to understand them to understand and respect that they're a thing that's important to a lot of people. I don't know what post you're referring to, but I'm surprised that you say it was deleted, because I very rarely delete posts except, occasionally, reblogs where people have flagged up misinformation or dogwhistles or which I reblogged by accident. tbh I'm the messiest online presence I'm way too lazy to delete past posts or block people even when I probably should bc I don't like to feel like I'm ~hiding evidence~. So I'm not saying you're wrong, you're probably totally right, but I'm surprised.

I'm thinking about what posts I've made that you could be thinking of, and obviously I don't remember everything I say on here bc I say A Lot and I actively post to get things out of my head so 🤷‍♀️ but I do remember making a post a while ago where I said that it was a normal expectation of friendship to have some friends close enough that you'll live with them, raise kids with them, etc, and I'm wondering if that was the post you're thinking of? I did have qprs in mind while writing that to a degree, but only because I think 'you wouldn't do this with your friends' is a very common argument people put forward about qprs and I think it's a weak argument, because many people have different definitions of friendship, and the only argument I think is needed for any sort of I Have X Emotional Relationship To This Thing is...I Have X Emotional Relationship To This Thing. Like you can't offer a universal materialist definition of the differences between romantic, queerplatonic, sexual and platonic relationships, because the boundaries are very personal and it's really an emotional and experiential difference. so if that is the post you're thinking of, I wasn't criticising The Concept Of QPRs as much as saying that I thought trying to put hard lines around What Friends Do Vs What QPPs Do was a) counterproductive when arguing with someone who thinks QPR is Just Normal Friendships bc. if they do those things with their friends then saying NO THIS IS A QPR THING just reinforces their existing belief that you're talking about the same thing as they mean by friendships and b) to me seems to set a painful expectation to young people that you can only get these kinds of close friendships occasionally and in the form of a QPR and it will be stigmatised and misunderstood (and depending on how people talk about it, is only accessible to aspec people and allo people should only expect it to come through romantic/sexual relationships), when in fact most people of most ages I know have friends with whom they can share things like housing, deep feelings, futures, finances, who they miss if they don't see for a few days, who are mutually supportive and vital to their wellbeing. I don't think that's mutually exclusive with the existence of QPRs though - like I personally don't know what the difference is between a QPR and a close friendship, but I also don't know what the difference is between a romantic relationship and a close friendship but I know there is one and I know it's not a question of What You Do but a question of How You Feel And Interact, and that's pretty hard to define in unambiguous terms.

Like generally I don't Not Think QPRs exist, and I think it's a dick move to try and tell people they're wrong about how they experience and define their relationships because???? how are you meant to know that better than the person whose relationship it is??? but I do think the way people talk about QPRs (both from the perspective of defending them and from the perspective of attacking them) is pretty rife with problems and I don't think it's invalidating the reality of QPRs to talk about where the arguments and language around them potentially falls down or has unexpected consequences.

On the other hand, I don't know if that actually is the post you're referring to - the reason I'm calling back to that is that that and a few resultant asks are the only time I remember talking about QPRs on here in the last year or so. So like, several of these questions reference past posts, which is very fair, but I do need it to be clear that, since I don't really tag anything and I don't have a great memory, I can only really speak to What I Think Now In This Context, not to what I posted in the past and what I was thinking when I posted it. Like, this isn't too deny responsibility - I reckon I'm responsible for what I post even if I don't still agree with it, which is why I don't tend to delete my own posts on purpose - but just to deny capacity, I guess? I don't really KNOW what I've posted so if you talk about it in vague terms (and I do understand that if it's been deleted there's not a lot you can do but that) I may not necessarily be responding to the part of it that's worried you, so if I'm not speaking to something specific I've said or done, it's not because I Don't Want To, I just don't necessarily know to.

I'm waffling about this because looking through your messages there's a lot of "you said X" and like. given that the intended message of the post that's kicked this off was very different to the message people have taken from it, it feels important to me to know whether if I looked at the posts you're referencing I'd be like "ah yeah I did believe that but now I believe X" or if it's more a situation of "oh right I can see how you took X from that but my thinking was more Y".

(also sometimes when people say "you made a post" they mean "you reblogged a post" and I am a compulsive discourse scroller so sometimes I reblog a random post to bookmark my place on someone's discourse blog or I accidentally longpress the reblog button while scrolling - I try to delete reblogs that I don't agree with but sometimes I miss some, all of which to say if there's a post on my blog that doesn't seem to reflect what I say in my original posts then it doesn't necessarily mean I'm a crypto-whatever so much as I'm very lazy and messy with my blog. Doesn't mean I shouldn't be held accountable for reblogs but it's useful to know if we're talking original content or reblogs bc I'm unlikely to fully accidentally make a post. but I quite often accidentally reblog stuff. I doubt this is the case with this sitch just bc of your phrasing but I want to cover my bases)

anyway tl;dr: no I don't believe that QPRs themselves are inherently problematic, nor do I think I have at any point believed that, but I do think that a lot of the language and ideas used to talk about them are based in miscommunication or absolutist ideas about relationships and can have damaging knock on effects.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I’ve owned this blog for over 2 years now. I’m sick, emotional, and got shit to say...

In my sickness I haven’t been able to do much other than lay in bed and watch youtube/start a replay of twdg, but I also decided to go back through my blog. 

It kind of just hit me that I’ve had this blog for over 2 years now. 

I created it back in August of 2018 when I was literally just a ghost- liking, sometimes reblogging, and sending anons but too afraid to post anything of my own. I was starting to dabble in writing for this fandom but didn’t dare post any of the small stories I was writing. 

Like... once upon a time, good ol’ dingus CJ was terrified to post her writing.

Shit, terrified to post anything.  

I mean, I legitimately thought that if I posted any of the short stories I was writing, I would either be mocked due to my lack of experience within the community, or ignored completely because what I was writing wasn’t good enough compared to the other fics out there. 

That was more than enough to make me trash everything I wrote. 

Fun Fact: The very first story I wrote for the fandom was after playing ep1 for like the 5th time, back before ep2 released. It was about Clementine wandering down to the music room the night Marlon died to see Louis playing the piano. It was from her POV and how she watched him in the doorway. She wanted to make things right with him only for Louis to have a break down and start slamming on the keys. Eventually he grabbed a chair and smashed it over the piano. It ended with Clementine sneaking away undetected back to the dorms with plans to leave with AJ in the morning. 

Angsty and bitter, yes. Anything I’d write today? Nooo.

I spent days going back and forth on whether or not I should post it only to delete it because bad. 

I wrote other little fluffy drabbles that I never posted for similar reasons all while remaining a ghost in community. 

Then ep2 came out. 

Do y’all know what my very first post was...? 

Which says a lot that it took them murdering Mitch for me to finally make my own nonsense and kick start everything. Thanks Telltale. 

That was also when I wrote a story that y’all probably either forgot about or never heard of [which might be for the best tbh]: [when he smiled]. 

Oof. 

Hahaha

There’s a whole story behind that one that involves hours of “Should I post it? No, I shouldn’t- well....” Then, a blog that to this day I deeply admire made a post asking for fic recommendations and I took it as a sign. 

After spending another hour doubting myself, I finally quit being a baby and messaged them. We chatted, they read my story and honestly.... that really started everything.

As of today, I have written 51 individual stories. 

I also have 4,685 posts on this blog, and yes, more than half of those are tagged #twdg louis. On top of that, we’ve done over 50 different themed nights and 4 challenges. Hell, we’ve even done a contest! 

I have more friends and followers than I ever imagined like... what the fuck, y’all. When did that happen? This isn’t me being stupid or anything, I’m just a little overwhelmed looking through all this shit, remembering how this all started and realizing everything we’ve done in the past two years. 

Like... I was so scared to talk to anyone in August 2018 hahaha

Now I’m constantly answering asks, chatting with buddies over messaging, I fucking stream games on Twitch [rip mixer]  which is something I NEVER thought I would EVER do, and while I still have a lot of anxiety when it comes to posting stories it’s not nearly as bad as it once was. 

What a fucking journey... 

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I mean, I want to say thanks to everyone who has stuck around, to those who participate in the themed nights, to those who send me asks, and to those who merely follow me and enjoy the content. But I don’t really know if a small “thanks” really covers it, y’know? 

When shit has really hit the fan here in the real world, whether it was shit with school or work or family or the scary shit going on right now, I’ve always had this blog to come to when I needed it. I’ve taken breaks when needed, too, and days where I thought about abandoning the blog because my anxiety tells me I’m not doing a good job, or I get a handful of nasty asks,  or whatever. 

But I’ve always come back because this is like a safe-space. It’s not perfect, but I love it. I love you guys. I love these games. I love the community. 

I don’t think a simple “thank you” is sufficient but fuck, it’s what I got. I’m here for you guys, to chat about these games and discuss their characters, to gush over Louis and Clouis and everything else. I’m hear to work on my writing skills and finish my fics, even if I’m slowest dingus ever haha. 

I’m just... I’m here. I’m here for you. I love having you here and I hope that while you’re following me, you’re enjoying the content, whatever it may be. 

❤️I love you, and thank you ❤️

...Also, side note- going back and reading posts from when the episodes were coming out is so nostalgic. Like, it makes me smile but want to cry haha. 

Reading through those posts brought up a lot of names that I never see anymore and that’s so bittersweet, y’know? I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the thriving within the community of everyone theorizing about what would happen next and gushing about Louis and being so excited to see him again. 

It’s so crazy haha

I miss it, but hey, it’s a good memory. And there’s always things to gush and theorize about here, so even if the community isn’t at the peak it once was, we still have fun here. 

Okay, I’m done rambling. 

I’m gonna go through my ask box and answer some stuff now. I just had some nostalgia while going through everything and well.... yeah. Hahaha

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Didn’t want to post this but I just realized it was more than one tweet so eh (I only checked to see if it was deleted cause a tumblr reblog got deleted that I was replying to so fkldsajfljfd didn’t know if the the tumblr/twitter user were the same person, but considering it happened within 24 hrs of each other, but yeah I saw they made a few other tweets about it b4 the one I saw and I’m like “mmmmm I wanna set a few boundaries for future ppl that come on this blog”) And it was bothering me and I dunno if it was an accident on their part, but in case it wasn’t yeah....wanna set a few boundaries.

Listen if you don’t like my opinions it’s fine (I know I’m not exactly screaming into the void I now the void can scream back), and if you want to openly disagree and open a discussion that’s totally cool too! Or if you want to privately complain to your friends (aka I’m not following you or it’s a private message, or really just any way I won’t see it like even stumbling upon it) that’s neat too! 

But uh.......I never thought about it till now, but I don’t think I like ppl complaining about me in private (name cropped or not) and then tagging me so I can see their complaints. I dunno that makes me a bit uncomfortable. Like go ahead, tear my 3 am rants apart or bad mouth me, that’s fine, I don’t care. I don’t care cause it’s outta sight outta mind. But you do that and then tag me? So I can see it? Kinda makes me uncomfortable. Esp if it’s not to open a discussion. 

I’m gonna give them the benefit of the doubt that it was an accident (probably meant to do “@/” so as to not directly at me but forgot the “/”). But in case it’s on purpose and other people think of doing it, please don’t (this goes for Twitter and tumblr). Want me to see something? Want to ask me a question? Want my input? That’s ok! Want to rag on me/my opinions/something related to me, then at me, and leave it at that? No please don’t. 

I’m not mad, just uncomfortable (and paranoid in case it happens again). And I also don’t want a witch hunt, I just wanna set boundaries. 

Ah......also, again cause I’m paranoid (constantly paranoid about this tbh), I really hope that I don’t come across as hostile. I know I can get heated in my rants (never aimed at any anon or any person, just at P5 or whatever is angering me at that point.....usually P5), and I figured y’all are here for my long winded ness and my harumph harumph-ness or the fact it reads like a fever dream....it def feels like one when I type kelfjsadfja (when it comes to those kinds of posts at least), but even at my most salty I don’t want anyone feeling like “ah def don’t feel comfortable countering her or asking questions.” Obviously this isn’t a “positivity only~!” place, but I want it to at least feel like people feel respected. orz

[bigskydreaming]

Thank you again and still for all the help and support! I really truly can not imagine making it through the past couple days without it, considering I spent most of it awake and in the bathroom puking from the constant migraines that come with your head not being happy about its bones not being in the right place. Stress aggravates them, or at least my awareness of them, and because of how little work there is currently and how expensive being broke and disabled in LA is, let’s just say, there’s been stress, lol.

I’m feeling a bit better today, or at least I’m making myself pretend that and act like that since I’ve got another appointment at that clinic where I get my juicy and tasty IV bags of nutrients pumped into me since I barely even CAN eat, physically, which combined with the lack of sleep and the nausea, like, also not a great combination.

So, I mean it when I say your donations and support have absolutely been invaluable, everything from a couple dollars to an anonymous message, like, its all amazing and appreciated and invaluable. Yeah. I already said that, whoops, anyway, BUT I DIGRESS.

That’s about all of an update I have there, lol, so in other news, I should be around more today since like I said, I’m feeling a bit better and have possibly plateau-ed on this latest pain level. (My super-annoying superpower....ever since I was a kid I’ve been able to adapt to increases in pain like a pro. As in, being able to manage/function despite it. Course, I still feel it, but give me a day or two to adjust to a new norm in how much my body hates me currently, and then I can power through).

So, like I said, I should be around more today, and I’ll probably be random as hell. Like I’ve mentioned before, my blog is where I spew literally everything from inane thoughts to fandom feels, since its like.....my only social outlet these past couple years and the only way I get to interact with people who aren’t doctors. Expect no pattern in topics until I find whatever sticks and keeps me focused on it enough to serve as a distraction from, y’know, the broke body and broke bank account.

SO! Absolutely feel free to hit me up about anything and everything. ESPECIALLY if you’ve made a donation or sent me something. Like, I know some people who have sent money don’t even follow me or know me at all and are just generous spirits who saw my post somewhere, but for any of you who have sent any kind of support just cuz you like, like me and my rambles, lol, totally feel free to drop into my messages even on anon and say what kind of posts or content from me you really engage with and would love to see more of. I can’t make any promises or guarantees, unfortunately, given I didn’t expect or plan on crashing so hard these last couple days, bleh, and just....literally, like, writing more of the kind of stuff or posts people who have helped me stay alive is pretty much the only way I have of kinda giving at least something back, so I mean, I am happy to pounce on anything in that direction. 

Again, just can’t make any guarantees given how unpredictable my life is and depending on how many people send requests or prompts or messages, etc, but I don’t delete anything of that nature and I usually get back around to stuff EVENTUALLY. For instance, I’m REALLY hoping to finish up two one-shots today, one that’s focused on Duke, Dick and Cass from that prompt you sent me a couple weeks ago, @zee-gee, and the other uh.....that umm, TW/X-Men fusion you commissioned way longer ago than my pride will allow me to admit in public @camelotpark, lol. And like, those posts you see me making to @russianspacegeckosexparty about the changelings project I talk about a lot, like.....Adam basically just sends me random thoughts and prompts about it all the time, and its like a running thread that’s easy for me to pick back up and sink into whenever I see a new one in my inbox and I’ve got enough spoons at the moment to dig in.

Also have a couple other things I want to respond to today while I have the energy and a destined-to-be-longer-than-it-needs-to-be meta about Dick’s positioning in narratives with various other characters and WHY I think it so usually works out that way, and I’m aiming to keep that more like....musing-esque than rant-errific, but uh, let’s see how that actually goes, lmfao.

Anyway, that’s what I have in mind for today, aside from my going to get my IV buffet at ten and emailing and calling people from listings about rooms to rent, but tbh, I might just end up being even more random and sporadic than usual, if I can’t focus on any of those long enough to stay sufficiently distracted today. (Like, my other annoying superpower as long-time followers have heard before, is my ridiculously fast metabolism. I know, “oh no, I’m so skinny, poor me,” but like....its never been about weight gain or loss for me, its about how fast my body processes various medications, meaning pretty much every painkiller I’ve ever tried is largely useless to me, or at most wears off in a couple hours.....whereas my ADHD meds actually provide me MORE relief from the pain than any of them. Basically, they let me actually focus on something OTHER than pain and not get interrupted/distracted by the occasional pain spike that likes to remind me its there and wants my attention......so I mean, I still feel everything that comes with my head being physically out of whack, but for the hours vyvanse is working for me, coupled with some heavy duty pain meds, I can like.....just sorta....not care about it for awhile. Like, it hasn’t gone away but its more shoved to the back of my mind at least. And all of that, I’m happy to stuff in a closet whenever I can, lol).

And that’s enough rambles for this post, I think. LOLOLOL, as if I have a quota. But yeah. Just wanted to express how much your support has meant and continues to mean, and like.....I’m still here and alive and crossing fingers that I’ll hear about an actual surgery date soon, but in the meanwhile like......I’m kinda stuck in a perpetual Limbo, one that’s largely confined to whatever is in hobbling distance from my bed of the day, and as much as donations help me physically, in remaining able to at least stay that way, just, any and all interactions on here help by keeping me engaged with the world on at least some level, and make it so I have stuff to think or talk about beyond my own situation and how I’m not a super huge fan of that.

(Okay, I shouldn’t say any and ALL interactions are appreciated, since I have my fun little runs of anon hate in my inbox, but I mean, all of the above is why they’re not really a big deal to me and never have been. Its like, dude, my own body has been trying to take me out for the past three years, and you think a few insults from an anonymous stranger are gonna do the trick? LOLOL, please. Tbh, the only real negative effect anon hate has on me is that it makes me a bit more snappish and quick to assume the worst than I’d like, when people @ me in a way that I misread as aggressive or in bad faith. I’m aware that my day-to-day temperment is a lot more irritable and open to fights than I usually like to be, as self-control is kinda a big deal to me, and my situation and stress and other shit kinda keep me constantly operating at a level best described as itchy, and none of that is an excuse for any times I read an interaction wrong and go for the throat. I just mean like.....I’m a very blunt and straight-forward person, and I do appreciate when people take a similar approach to me as it really helps keep those misreads to a minimum. Any time someone wants to engage with me in some way, I promise I am SO much easier to talk to if you just....put it out there, whatever it is. Its the games people play online (and in real life) that just frustrate the hell out of me and...yeah. Again, I’m not saying any of that as an excuse or a request for a free pass any time I fuck up an interaction or cross a line, I’m just saying, if anyone’s held back on interacting with me because they think I might snap at them or mistake it for them trying to start a fight, like......just be direct with me. Honestly, thats just....always gonna be more productive when it comes to me.)

But yeah. So that’s the current state of me and all that jazz. Again, I so appreciate everything everyone’s done to support me, not just these past couple days but over the course of these past three years as well. I notice and remember all of it, and its why even though I rant and complain and am critical about so much in society and fandoms and all that.....I really truly am a believer in the idea that there’s more good in people and the world than bad, and the bad just tends to be louder is all. It was especially loud for me the last couple days, the volume got way jacked up, but the goodwill from you guys has been more than enough to drown it out and give me some reprieve.

Alright, shutting up now. All done. The end.

[bxstiae]

hi guys. um. some updates.

i don’t have any threads or answers queued. just some musing and pics. i probably won’t get to any more replies until next week cause i’m covering for somebody at work and will be working like the next 5 days. that being said, i suppose this is just a check in cause... yea.

I deleted an ask. sorry, i know i’m slow but im also somebody who doesn’t just willy nilly write for people. i had no muse for the response. i am sorry. however i have asks for the following people. i’m sorry i am @/ing you its cause i want you guys to know i haven’t forgotten:

@vescrsol / @dansiere / @shadowcrowned / @hardtomiss / @ohchosen / @atrcity​

I dropped 2 threads. well rather. i archived them. but i highly doubt that they will be brought back. sucks but honestly, its whatever. i am pretty sure the thread tracker is up to date? HERE is that tracker -- for people who made me starters, i have to reply to it first before i add it on there.

i have most everything drafted. from starters to replies. if you think i may have forgotten something, feel free to let me know. this is your chance to tell me.

SOME OTHER HOUSEKEEPING THINGS:

-- probably gonna go on a purging here soon. ike vc: prepare yourself. -- gonna maybe work on a little blog project. we’ll see how it comes out.  -- im NOT on the main discord. please don’t message me there, i’m not there. -- anon will be off for another week.  --  i added an update to my rules. ( pg. 6 ) it’s honestly always been a thing, tbh but i suppose i will add it for transparency ( mainly because i will never join RP Discord servers )

for those of you who are actually still here though given everything. i actually thank you. i really appreciate it tbh. and, no, i am not okay. everything is not okay. but i am a little better. i have been surrounding myself with people who care about me. you guys are more than welcome to check in on me so long as it’s just to check in with me. i wouldn’t mind it tbh. so long as it’s love & care. 

i will also be re-evaluating this blog && it’s privacy tbh. when i come back, i will decide on what i want to do. but until then. it will be run with very little ooc ( unless its link related ) in the meantime. i am not giving up the one thing that calms me down -- which is writing. i’ve been writing on docs for now. 

anyway, i hope you guys are doing okay && staying safe. 

[emeraldbabygirl]

Still actually totally upset about this one thing that happened a few weeks ago but it’s starting to lowkey but actually highkey piss me off. Like..I know that sometimes I say the wrong things and I am trying to work on it but for one thing I feel like I deserve to state my opinion no matter what and I’m always afraid I’ll get shit no matter what. Which happens literally every time but somehow my opinions always end up making me feel like shit because of how the other person takes it. Like, and there’s really been quite a number of things that have been bothering me for about 3 months now and as it is my own blog I want to be able to get things off my chest and just feel a little better but instead I end up getting shit.

I always always say if I say something or post something that offends you you can block and unfollow me. That’s always always an option. But if you’re gonna come to me wanting to talk about it don’t bash my head into the fucking wall after two messages. Like, I know I’m an asshole and I know my opinions and views offend people but you don’t need to 360 my ass and be a totally different person because of me. If you’re the type of person that can’t see through the opinion of someone and realize they are still the same person they were before they stated said opinion?? Like?? Opinion made by others really do ruin shit between people I guess. And like, god. I didn’t want to get into it but I never thought I’d actually cut ties with a mutual. And helll yeah it does hurt cause they were one of the first people I knew in this cursed app and it seems so weird now. Like, I think of a group or member and I immediately tie that with said person. Like..and people really can’t see past an opinion and let that drive the friendship away. And I swear to god I said nothing bad just my feelings which I think are just as valid as anyone else. Apparently not. Like, there’s things that I want to get off my chest and post just to get them off my chest but I don’t want people coming to me through anon and messages and giving me shit and labeling me as something I’m clearly not.

And that’s been a huge problem that I’ve been trying to deal with that has gotten worse lately but if I dare say anything of it I’ll get shit. I can already hear people telling me that I have no right to feel that way. So I say nothing and continue to let it bother me. And this blog I really try to stay away from serious topics cause they turn into rants that get out of hand and I don’t want my blog to be serious. I just wanna thot out and have people relate to me being horny 25/8. I don’t want that extra shit. It’s my blog and I should post about whatever I want but goddamn I really can’t because the piranhas will get me. So I just literally whore through the pain. When I get upset I make a thot post, when the negative feelings come back I make a thot post. Because I can’t emotionally and mentally deal with anymore shit from people who don’t understand how hard and upsetting this shit really is to me. God I’m crying rn because it upsets me so much and I feel guilty to even say anything about it because I know someone is going to tell me I have no right to feel that way cause of who I am.

That’s why I’m trying to learn more about myself so I can actually be proud of who I am for once instead of my self hatred and self confidence getting a fucking upgrade to something I never ever thought I’d have to hate myself over. It’s fucking ridiculous. I could always make said post private. The whole point is to just get it off my chest. But I’m afraid that I’ll accidentally forget to make it private. Like, and no I shouldn’t be afraid and I shouldn’t feel guilty for speaking my mind or being who I am but curse these negative thoughts that have ruined my thinking and everything else about my personality that used to be good. I used to be such a kind person who treated everyone the same and didn’t care about the little things but damn these past years things have gone so downhill that I’m honestly surprised I even have friends on here. Tbh it’s probably because I keep all the thoughts that are offensive and sensitive to myself. But if I just said whatever I’d have no followers and no mutuals and I’d end up deleting my tumblr. I suppose I’ll stop now. I just don’t think it’s fair that I’ve always tried my best to be open and accept people no matter what but the people that I thought were the most accepting of me end up not wanting to treat me like they want to be treated. Idk, maybe I deserve it because of what I ended up being in life because of who I am but why should I have to think like that? Why should I have to be okay thinking that I deserve everything I’m getting and feeling because of who I am?

[mediawhorefics]

You asked for Lighthouse AU asks! 1) What inspired you to write it? 2) What’s your favourite scene? Please ignore this if you’ve gotten these before. And again: thanks for sharing your talent with the rest of us! 💛 x

hiiiii again !!! i just replied to one of your comments on one of my ask replies five sec ago and it wouldn’t let me tag you so JSYK, i’ve done that haha 

now as for your questions, #1 kind of has a two/three parts answer. first of all, i’ve been OBSESSED with lighthouses for a really really long time. anyone who knows me irl knows it’s been a lifelong ambition for me to live as a recluse on the top of one and lowkey never talk to people again. 

like…. this scene from the office is literally me. so i was always attracted to the idea of using a lighthouse as a setting in a story at some point. it was always in the back of my mind. 

now sometime in 2017, i started plotting a murder mystery type of fic and i made the decision of setting it on fair isle. the whole concept was a series of strangely staged and brutal murders shocking a 60 people community on a small island. it was gonna be maybe a little bit dark fantasy, i don’t really know cos i abandoned it before i truly got into it. but harry was a young journalist sent to report on the situation, niall was a b&b/pub owner, liam was a detective sent from the mainland to investigate and louis was a sculptor who lived in a lighthouse and was kind of everyone’s prime suspect because he was a bit odd and lived far off by himself. 

obviously, that story didn’t end up happening. it was associated with a fest and i just didn’t have the time to write it between finishing uni and preparing to move to the uk. BUT i had already done a TON of research on fair isle so i knew a lot about the island and was really obsessed with it as a setting. 

cue to a few months back when @larrymaybe22 send me an anon with a prompt essentially saying i wish you’d write a story where recovering alcoholic harry goes to louis’ b&b in a remote village to recover. and i replied to it with a drabble and basically said YES BUT it would have to be a b&b in a lighthouse and in scotland and i know exactly where it’s set already. 

now tbh substance abuse as a topic is not something i would have picked for myself just because it’s something that needs to be written carefully and with a lot of respect and i don’t personally have experience with that. but the idea simply wouldn’t leave me alone. and a lot of very nice people sent me messages about the drabble saying they’d love a full-length fic based on it. so yeah, i wanted it, my followers wanted it so i had to haha. 

now #2 : it’s really really hard to pick a favourite tbh !!! i’m super super proud of that fic. i worked INSANELY hard on it. but i think the last scene where harry comes back is probably the one i’m proudest of ?? i just… really love it and i’m happy with what i did with it. like…. when i first wrote that last postcard (it was the first postcard i wrote actually) i was like DO I LOVE IT OR DO I HATE HOW VAGUELY POETIC IT IS ??/ and i felt a bit vulnerable about it and seriously thought about deleting it. but looking back, im really proud and it’s kind of the perfect ending. so yeah. im really happy. 

 i also really love the scene where harry cooks breakfast for louis for the first time and he wears a ridiculous apron and they’re both very cute and happy. 

i literally spent AGES ON GOOGLE finding the perfect image of the perfect apron and not a single person mentioned it so far….. but i LOVE that scene. 

i was kind of surprised when i wrote it tbh because it was SUCH a shift in tone compared to everything else i’d written for the fic so far and i was like wtf is this there’s zero trace of angst here ?? like i’m pretty sure if you go back in my lighthouse au tag there’s posts of me going WHAT DID I JUST WRITE ????? but yeah i love it because they’re just very early on in their ~relationship (if we can call it that at that point in the fic) and they’re very giddy about it and each other. which was nice to write because obvs harry’s melancholia is such a strong undertone throughout the entire story. so yeah that scene was kind of the first breath of fresh air when i wrote it so im fond.

god this literally never happens to me cos im usually so critical of my writing and i hate everything i write but there’s easily like…. 4 or 5 more scenes i could mention that i’m super proud of haha. who am i ? like… the scene where they go down to the beach together and talk about home ? really proud of that. the scene where louis tells harry that he can’t carry the whole world on his shoulder ? really proud of that. 

anyways i’m gonna stop now before i start sounding incredibly vain, but thanks for sending me questions and for saying such nice things about my fic

[licoriceblackaliceangel]

February 1st is the day I made this blog!

First making this blog, I’ve said it plenty of times when it was brought up, but I never intended to do much with it.

I made it for the purpose of not flooding my main blog with bat/im stuff, and having the idea of answering asks for Alice if any came by. I was RPing as Alice with someone on discord for at least four months prior to this blog, and soon this blog delved more into an RP blog more than an ask blog.

I’ve made plenty of friends, have so many memories and a lot of growth through this blog. And despite some of the hard times I faced and forces and situations where I almost deleted a few times.. I don’t regret a thing.

SO.

I decided to make a little follow forever under the cut! A few people (Going back. A lot of people did. Oops.) will get some special shoutouts solely because I have a lot of thoughts, but if I don’t write something for you, don’t think you mean any less to me! If I forget anyone, my DEEPEST APOLOGIES. I have the memory of a gold fish and trying to remember everyone is. Hard.

But just know if we are mutuals I LOVE AND CHERISH YOU.

This also got a lot longer than I expected OOPS

@inkdrenchedsmile: Tea, I tell you everyday and talk to you almost everyday. I love and cherish you so so so much. You’re the sweetest, cutest, most darling thing ever. You are the brightest little marshmallow peep~ And I have so grateful everyday to have met you and be able to write with you. I love your writing and stories and your ideas and art and YOU ARE SO TALENTED! You mean the world to me. I love you, honeybun <3

@kalamxs: GIO. BOY YOu know I told you plenty of times you’re one of the reasons I even went to making this blog. I followed you before I even had the thought in my mind (I don’t remember why, maybe from your AWESOME ART and your writing and rping made me stay) because YOU ARE SO FUCKING GOOD!! I remember laughing all the time and sharing with my friends in my discord even though they don’t exactly understand BUT-- Man I’m so happy I got to actually. Interact with you! And get to befriend you and man YOUR ART GIVES ME LIFE. I love seeing all your stuff and writing and I LOVE WRITING WITH YOU. Bendo and Alice are absolutely adorable as well; fucking dorks. I LOVE YOU BABEY!! NEVER GONNA STOP LOVIN AND SUPPORTIN YOU!!

@bendicethedaughterofthedevil: NICK. You know I been with you since the MERE START. And I told you watching your growth and Bendice’s story was. WOO. Man I sometimes see the old Baby Shower art thing I did for the twin’s baby shower like.. Gonna be almost a year with that too. And just. :(.. THINGS WERE SIMPLER THEN.. I love you Nick, you’re talented and sweet and so so ambitious and strong and I LOVE YOU BABEY!!

@devilswinging: Veemo, I am so glad to have been able to meet ya and interact with you. I love ya man and I love writing with you and your muses. I love the small chit chats we have and seeing you on my dash. I love Alice’s relationship with Bebe and Sammy and just. Man!! You know, no matter what, if you ever feel down and feel like no one likes your boys, know I !! Will always love and appreciate them. <3 And Alice does too.

@instrumentsofcyanide: STELLLAAAAAAA. I fucking love you Stella. You’re so funny and sweet and the little messages back and forth sometimes and you coming in my DMs like: WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH YOUR ANONS all the time is. So funny. All the damn fiascos Oreo manages to produce and just. Oreo in general. Always gets me laughing and smiling. I love you and your boy so much?? You’re so fun and creative and silly and just an OVERALL JOY TO TALK AND BE AROUND WITH!!! I’m so glad to be able to interact and talk with you <3 (Never forget the first time I think you actually said anyhting to me was about that one Alice Blog Foot Pics Fiasco and I’ll never forget being like; Man someone I look up to and I’s first interaction is over saying ‘wow fuck this girl’ over guilting me for foot pics-- DOFIHJGFD)

@inkwise: AVI I LOVE YOU SM. DFKGJ. You’re so sweet and creative and your muses are an absolute joy. I especially have so many feelings. For Henry. So much. I love this man so much and I thank you and him everyday for my life. He needs a break. I love getting to write with you and seeing you on my dash is?? A fucking delight. Thank you. <3

@lxgner: ALICE YOU CREATIVE SWEET PERSON. You have so many damn muses and I APPLAUD YOU. Your OCs are all pretty sweet imo? The ones I seen. And the ambition you have to write and work on all this?? I applaud. I love your Joey muses esp and they’re so interesting and I love the thought you put into them all you know?? It’s interesting and really brings life into them. Your writing is delicious and your humor is. Great. I love writing with you <3 Keep your head up darling.

@one-eyed-twin: LADY V I LOVE YA SWEETHEART. Your muses are a delight and I love the little threads we’ve had, either it with Phiona, Clyde or Vlad (here and on my other blog) I love peaking at your threads and seeing your writing. You’re an absolute delight and I love?? Your creativity and your ART!! You truly are a person with impeccable tastes ~ Love seeing you on the dash, love <3

@inkyencounters: Glowbun you. Are really a sweetheart. So creative and funny, you really are kind and try to look out for everyone and it’s Very nice. I’m very appreciative of how kind ya are and the creativity you have with your muses and just. It’s very refreshing. Thank you for everything.

@sillymuses: Where do I begin. I love writing with you either with Charlie or on this blog, both here and my OC blog of course. You really have such a creative spin in your writing and really? Feel your characters and paint them so!! Amazingly. I love the back and forth between you and you’re honestly. Adorable. I love seeing you and your creativity hun <3

@inkmachine: GLOOMY I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE THINGS ARE/WILL GET BETTER SOON LOVIE. God it’s always a treat when you’re online and on the dash it’s. Always hilarious. I love seeing what Bendy fucking gets up to this time and he’s so?? Awesome. I love him a lot. The little bastard PFF. He’s absolute adorable and cute and I love the dark shit with him honestly. And him and Alice’s lil Candi adventures are always. Tooth rottingly sweet. I love ya hun. <3

@taakos-troupe-of-threads: I hope you know the phrase “Snap would fight Chalk Jesus for Alice’s honor” is a thing that will NEVER leave my mind and tends to cross it once a day. PFF. I love writing with you and seeing you on the dash as well! Snap is a fucking DOLL and I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. (As does Alice, ofc) They’re absolutely adorable and poor girl is such a worrier PFF. Our DMs are always something funny as well, I think. I always know I’m in for something good when I see that fucking. Orange Danny Devito icon in my dms-- KSKJF

@dappcrdust: GLITTER!! Man. I remember first writing with you with your Bendy muse and honestly? Ever interaction from him to now has ALWAYS been a fun treat. I love your writing and love seeing you on and getting into whatever shenanigans that seem to pop up. Mostly with Angel it seems pfff.. Sweet Angel. I love what you have all done and cooked for him and his character he’s so?? three dimensional i love it. Him and Alice’s BFFship is honestly. Great and I love them SO MUCH. You’re creative and fun and just. A sweetheart. Love ya hun <3

@gamblxrhxsk: tbh I didn’t know what blog to @ YOU FUCKING MANIAC. Jk. I love you Echo. PFFF It’s funny to me that I feel I got closer with you via fucking. shit with CEO-Entity. LMAO. Echo where do I start. You are SO DAMN FUNNY. Like my GOD how many times have I laughed out loud to myself over some shit ya wrote and done?? Hell, even with your stuff with phil swift and entity and all that stuff got my SQUAD TO COME TO ME LAUGHING OVER IT!! I love also all your muses and the fact you got this whole arsenal and can?? Keep up with it for what it seems like. PROPS!! I love fucking around with you here and there and even though we don’t really write together too much (which, I would love to but I’m myself and even still lowkey anxious OIGJG) I just love putzing around and seeing you do your thing on the dash; from jokes to serious business. It’s always a treat. <3

@nctherchpter: Pai, I’m still lowkey so flattered you ever followed me back (and now mutuals with me on our mains like. WHAAA--) Your art is always. Bellissimo. Asriel was always a joy to see and honestly just. Stole my heart. I love him so much. Your writing is always a joy and man you just. Are skilled in The Arts(TM) Your self insert blog is also?? Awesome. I love the concept and idea and going through with a thing like? Honestly. Inspiration. All your self insert stuff really is just. Big big inspo. I’m so glad you seem to have? So much fun. Also I did say it in Nick’s stream many moons ago when they were going through BATIM again. Your voice is v cute <3

@clair-de-luna: WHERE DO I BEGIN WITH YOU!!! Man I remember following your main back for that SWEET MUFFETON ART. My cherished Muffeton mutual. And now here we both are with THIS. YOUR ART JUST CONTINUES TO INSPIRE AND GROW AND I LOVE!! SEEING IT!! And LUNA MELTS ALICE AND I’S HEART ALL THE TIME. God does she ADORE HER LITTLE STAR!! Ugh. I cry real tears. Always a delight to see you both here and your main. <3 I love ya DC!!

@lilithmagne: AC you. Are truly an artistic marvel. Your art is INCREDIBLE, your writing is BEAUTIFUL. And I love seeing you on my dashboard. You are so sweet and kind?? It’s so nice. I LOVE the love and work you put into Lilith and her story and your research and dedication? It’s amazing. Lilith is an absolute BEAUTY and God I LOVE HER. You do her SUCH A BEAUTIFUL JUSTICE!! So honored to be mutuals with you honestly. <3 Keep being amazing you beautiful person.

@lucifermagne: MARZI YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE ANGEL. Working on all those HH icons for other rpers, working on your other RP blogs and pumping out that SWEET CONTENT. You are honestly a treasure. You are absolute sweet and a joy to see online. I love peaking at your threads and LOVE seeing your posts either for HCs or just IC shenanigans with Lucifer. You put so much through and care into your interpretation of him and I LOVE IT. He’s such a fun goof ball but at the same time presents himself as. THE KING OF HELL. Obviously. He’s an absolute Joy and just!! It’s amazing. We haven’t threaded together yet but even despite that?? I just love seeing you and him (and Alastor and Marx and the gang ofc) on the dash. Always a damn delight. <3

@thatscwewywabbit: we only just started interacting like. a week or so ago but AMANDA Man I have told you before how much I adore seeing you write for Bugs and how it’s ALWAYS SO FUN to see him and your posts for him on the dash. THE AMOUNT OF RESEARCH, CARE, LOVE, THOUGHT ALL PUT INTO HIM AND YOUR WRITING FOR HIM. It’s just so good. So refreshing. Ugh. MY CHILDHOOD!! It makes me so happy all the time. You really are. An inspiration. Writing with you and him is a DELIGHT and love peeking at your other threads just. It’s so nice. It’s almost uncanny how well you play him. My goodness! Keep being awesome lovely <3

@viennaxmuses​: Fuck you bitch. Yeah. You’re getting put here. Bitch. Fuck you. I LOVE YOU. BItch. You fucking fuck. You sweet cute funny fuck. You adorable loving supportive bitch. Ya uplifting comforting creative artistic thot. Fuck you.

Okay this went WAY LONGER THAN I INTENDED but sorry everyone else I didn’t write a lil blurb for. I wrote a lot and I STILL WANNA GIVE SHOUTOUTS CUS I LOVE!! ALL OF YOU!! Even non-mutuals like. I just wanna share all the love and appreciation I have here.

@hxllodolly @cvangclii @snxkeyes @ofinkdxmonsandxngels @brxkeninstrument / @butcherbrains @stupidcoffeeboy @strawberry-lemonade-muses @hazbinmuses @bornloscrs @black-jack-the-cat​ @bluescarfvivi @a-framed-rabbit​ @angelusvoce​ @ask-slender-and-gray​ @wrenchand-abone