#if someone still carse

[halfbloodfanboy]

Jason Grace died without ever finding the comfort of the furry community...

[hoe4sports]

“You look like me”

Jenni Hermoso x Alexia Putellas x reader Child

A/N: Jenni never left Barca. This is a series. Spanish is always google translate. No triggers.

Mami was desperately trying to get you ready for the day, but you couldn’t sit still. You were bouncing off the walls with excitement as you waited for Alexia. Alexia had promised you to take you to the toy store and the local ice cream shop without mami, and you were beyond excited. It was almost like the things Mami and Alexia did! “Princesa, you have to try to sit still” Mami sighted as she tried to brush your long hair for the 10th time. “Lo siento, Mami, so excited” you sang as your little legs dangled from the chair that Mami had placed in the bathroom for you to sit on. Your hands touched the skirt of your dress, it was pink, glittery and had sequins; all the things that together made the recipe of a very happy little girl. “And done! What do you think, amor?” Mami said as she held your hands to stand up infront of the mirror. Your jaw dropped and your eyes widened. “Wow! Mami! Es fantástico!” You said as your touched your little half updo with the pink elastics. “Es perfecta” you say as your eyes is entranced in your reflection. “You are my favourite girl in the world, amor, mami loves you so so much” Mami said as she picked you up and held you tight to her chest. She would do that from time to time, holding you close for a little while without saying a word. This had happened for the first time the morning she had woken up to your screams as a new born, her spouse nowhere to be seen only to pick you up as she found a note downstairs saying family life wasn’t for her. That was when she stopped caring about girls and drinks and parties; life was only about her little girl now. Her world withing her hands.

You breathed in mami’s familiar scent and listened to her heart beat only to be disrupted by the sound of someone entering downstairs. “Jenni, mariquita! I’m here!” She called as you shot your head up to look at Mami. “Mami, Mami! Es Tia!” You said as you wiggled loose and bolted towards the hall and the stairway. You giggled as you ran, your hair flying in the wind and your giggles roaming around the hall. “Mamma, mamma!” You yelled as you jumped down the stairs and straight into Alexia’s arms. The words mamma meant so much to her. She didn’t ever imagine wanting kids, but when she met Jenni; she had fallen in love with both her and you. Mami just didn’t know it yet. Alexia had helped raise you, and it felt natural and completely platonic to call her mamma. That was what Ingrid called her mami back when you met her and her mamma told you that she would read her bedtime stories, take her to football and give her kisses, and that had to be a good thing. You jumped into Alexia’s arms. “I’m excited” you said with a shyness in your voice. “Well, I am excited to spend time with my favourite girl in the whole world!” Alexia exclaimed while stroking your hair gently as she smiled down to you. “Let’s go to the car, si?” Alexia said as you took her head and walked out, Mami following close behind. “I’m just gonna take out her car seat, it’s pretty eas-“ mami begun as she unlocked your big suv Lexus. “No need” Alexia said as she opened up the backseat door to her car. “alexia, she needs a carse-“ Mami said as she shook her head slightly scared. “Wow! A seat! For me? Pink mami, it’s pink” you squealed as you looked at the car seat in the back of Alexia’s car and jumped up into it. “I love it mami!” You said as you slipped into it and giggled. “A special seat for a special girl” Alexia said as she smirked and looked at Jenni. “Alexia, you are absolutely spoiling her. You didn’t have too! I could get one for your car” Mami said as she crossed her arms and looked at Alexia. Alexia was busy buckling you in, and when the belt snapped together like it was supposed to; she turned around to look at Mami. “I’m in this for the long haul”

—-

“And here we are mariquita, are you ready?» Alexia said as you pulled up to the toy store. It was huge. It had pretty lights and so many colors. You could see huge toy sculptures in the front of the store. It looked magical. It was fantastic! “Yes mamma! It has pretty lights” you said as you beamed in the car seat. Alexia smiled while looking at you in the rear view mirror and unbuckled herself before getting out and helping you out. She loosened the buckle and reached for your hand as you jumped down, your little sandals with blinkers going crazy. You walked together towards the store, which was huge in comparison to your 3,5 year old frame. Your hand grabbed Alexia’s hand extra tight when you entered through the door, and she looked down on you lovingly. “Carry me?” You said as you bit your lip, a bit overstimulated with the whole situation. Just like a mother would, Alexia immediately picked you up and placed you on her hip. When she held you, nothing felt scary anymore. It was safe. Warm. And familiar.

“Wow, look at mirabell!” You squealed as you saw mirabell from Encanto. Alexia smiled and looked at the direction you were pointing towards. Together you walked through endless oceans of bouncy balls, Barbies, baby born, cars, swords, game and little houses with little people in. As she walked around carrying you tightly, scared to death of losing the most important thing in her life; your eyes caught a familiar doll. “Mamma, mamma! It’s Moana!” You shouted as you wiggled down from her grip and bolted towards the big isle of toys. “Woah” you said as your eyes were sparkling while looking up at all the boxes. “Is this what you want mariquita?” she said as she looked at the big selection of toys. You nodded as you were still in awe. “Can I have it? With Moana and Heihei and Maui and te fiti and her papi?” you asked as you were staring at the big box of figurines. “Of course, you can get anything you want, mariquita » she said reassuringly. She reached for the box that was high up on a shelf before you headed towards the exit to pay. She carried you out to the car, and got you all buckled in; safe and sound before heading towards the ice cream shop.

You were skipping next to her when she pointed to the ice cream shop. “Look mariquita, there it is!” She said as she looked down on you. You giggled and jumped with joy as you pulled her along as fast as you could possibly move. The bell of the door rang when you entered the shop. It was bright and colorful with sprinkles on the walls. It had nice happy music and the smell was magical. It smelled like a strawberry soft serve with strawberry sauce and fresh cut strawberry. Your feet felt energised as you looked over all the flavours in the display. Alexia picked you up so you could see the ice cream. “Strawberry, chocolate, vanilla, banana, orange..Bubblebum!” You say as you point to each flavor. “You are so so smart princesa, you impress me every day. Now, do you know what flavour you want?” She said as she looks at you with awe. “Yes, mamma, si! I do know!” You squeal as you are being called to the front desk to order. “Hola princesa! Qué te gustaría pedir?” The older woman sayid making you giggle. Mami had made sure to speak both Spanish and English, just in case you were to move abroad making the transition easier. “Por favor, puedo tomar helado de fresa?” You say as you smile towards the woman while pointing towards the pink mixture still safe on Alexia’s hip. “Por supuesto! quiere algo señora?» the woman says as her hand is scribbling quick. “helado de chocolate por favor” Alexia responds as the lady gestures for Alexia to pay and she taps her debitcard on the machine.

“Mamma, I love strawberry ice cream, thank you so so much!” You squeal as you dip your spoon into the pink ice cream happy as ever. "Taste mamma!" you say as you shove the spoon into Alexia’s face who willingly leta you. "mmmm, it's very good" she says as she carefully wipes your face on the napkin. “Taste? Pleeeeease” you say as you give her your best puppy eyes. Alexia laughs as she strokes your cheek before offering you a taste of her chocolate ice cream. “Mmm, mamma, gracias, it’s yummy” you say as you lick your lips. An older mysterious woman drops her bag forcing all her coins to fall out of her grip. Your eyes widen as you let out a shocked sound before you wiggle down and start picking up all the coins. You look over at the woman as you hand her the coins and she smiles warmly to you. “Thank you princesa” she says as she touches your hand. Alexia instinctively has a hand on your shoulder and decides that to pick you up is the safest as she was feeling like you are safest on her hip. “Are you her mom? You look so alike. You have raised a very empathetic young woman.” She says just as she walks out of the shop with her bag. You look up at Alexia who kisses your head. “Let’s go home to mami.”

As you pull up to the driveway, you hold your newest addition to your toy collection close to your chest. Then you can see Jenni come out of the house waving at the car. She’s just standing in her slippers which you find silly so you let out a giggle. Mami opens up the door of your side of the car. “Princesa! I have missed you so much! How was your adventure?” She asks as she unbuckles you while you hold the box in her face. “Mami, Tia found Moana!” you say as you squeal. “Wow, aren’t you so lucky?” Mami said as she picks you up and holds you close. The familiarity of mami’s heartbeat and warmth is enough to make you feel so sleepy. You yawn as you lean towards her, taking in the familiar comforting scent that you love so much. At night when you were to sleep in your own bed, you would make sure to have mami’s shirt with you so you could feel comforted if you woke up in the middle of the night. “Are you tired, amor?” Mami says as you nod. Mami carries you inside and Alexia follows quickly behind. “I’m just gonna put her down for a nap, Ale. Feel like home” Jenni says as Alexia nods and puts down her jacket on the counter. Mami starts to walk up the stairs as you say “mamma also put me to bed”. Jenni looks at Alexia and gestures for her to join. Eventually, Mami sits at the edge of your bed while Alexia sits at the pink little lounge chair next to your bed. “Me like mamma” you say as you yawn again while mr.sleep is knocking on your eyelids. Alexia blushes as Jenni smiles “Do you think you look like Mamma?” You nod as you close your eyes and pull your bunny close. “She does, dosent she?” Jenni says as she tucks your hair behind your ear. “I don’t know, she looks like you” Alexia says as she tries to move to conversation forwards. “No, Ale. She does look like you. I can tell that she loves you like she loves me. And I know that you love her as your own.” Jenni continues as she tucks you in with your favourite pink fuzzy blanket. You suddenly say “We family; mami, mamma and me.” As you drift further and further away from the situation while imagining Moana eating big strawberries in England. Jenni and Alexia stands close in your doorway as the shadow of their frames are standing close together. “I would love to be a family” Mami says as you drift complete off.

[bi-demon-ium]

chia, chamomile, and palm tree! <3

chia ⇢ what’s an inside joke you have with someone else?

oh i have so many but everything except for the most cursed mbs things have completely left my mind. ranging from crawlings/mccracken and the plunger, and/or the carse (cars curse) beauty and the beast [censored] au, to like, I HAVE SECURED THE [X] which is kind of fandomiwde by now, to like, gertson. like i KNOW i have other inside jokes but its just horrible creations ive wrought / helped wrought circling in front of my eyes, taunting me,

chamomile ⇢ what kind of things do you like receiving as gifts?

okay first of all ANYTHING soft. pillows, blankets, squishy stuffed animals. i love that shit. i love sleeping in a vertible pile of creatures and blankets. i love sleeping in a cave of pillows and soft things.

but also just anything thoughtful, like. a clear 'i saw this and thought of you' or 'i made this for you bc i thought you'd like it' is just. ough. ty this is forever precious to me

ALSO listen im a material girl (boy) i like cool shit. yeah if you got me a video game or some shit i'd be psyched it's okay it doesn't HAVE to be the most sentimental thing in the world, although i also enjoy that. or like a little gadget, i love doodads and thingamabobs. fidgety ones especially.

palm tree ⇢ do you have a fictional villain you shouldn’t like but love regardless?

i don't know if this counts because i don't have nearly the same amount of passion for him as i did as a teenager (i still am overly fond of him though) but you BET i poor little meow meow'd the FUCK out of marvel's loki in middle to early high school. i was a die hard fan and i was totally like actually he committed those atrocities because he was sad, so personally i th--

...ah, to be a young gert

[maximwtf]

“I’ll wait for you to come around.”

                      Lucifer Morningstar x injured reader

words: 2300

google docs pages: 4

warnings: mentions of murder, blood, knives, injuries, Guess that’s it?

opening: Y/n was in love with Lucifer, but because she saw what was going on with Chloe and him she found someone else. Though later, it turns out that the man she was together with was the murderer LAPD had been looking for for a while. 

Request: @stardewey​ 

AN// Reader uses she/her! I love how I once wrote one injured reader fanfic and now it's mostly the only thing I write for xD love it though, there can never be too many x injured readers! Anyway, thank you for the request, loved writing this one!

Not proof read!!

                “I’ll wait for you to come around.”

You had known Lucifer for quite some time, and during that time you had fallen for him. But even though your attempts to start something, nothing had worked. You had started to think he hadn’t even noticed your hints, but soon you realised the reason why. The reason why he hadn’t reacted to your hints was because he didn’t feel the same way, and on top of that he had been in love with someone else the whole time. And the person he was in love with had been in front of you the whole time, it just took you ages to figure out. Of course it was Chloe, they spent so much time together, and they even worked in the same workplace. It was so painfully obvious, that you felt dumb whenever you even thought about it.

After taking your time to process what you had figured out, you had decided that it was ultimately for the best if you just moved on. You had no chances with the man if he wasn’t even interested in you to begin with. 

So you started to go on dates, seeing a bunch of people until one of them finally clicked with you. You started seeing him more and more, until he one day finally asked you to be his girlfriend, which you had said yes to. You and him figured that life would be easier if you moved in together, so you two got an apartment. Everything seemed to be going just fine, and you had started to finally feel happy again. The past with Lucifer was..well in the past and you didn’t even have to think about it anymore. 

Of course you still kept in contact with him, and talked almost daily. You were certain that he still wasn’t aware of your old crush on him, so it didn’t even feel bad when you talked to him. Everything felt like it had gone back to normal, back to what it was like before you were in love with him. Just like things had been when you two had just met. He talked to you about the cases he was working on, which you had told him not to do since you were pretty sure that was illegal. But despite your warnings, he kept coming back and telling you what he was solving now and how it was going so far. 

The latest case he had brought up was about a murderer. The thought of someone like that running around had freaked you out, but Lucifer claimed that there was no need to worry since ‘the best people were on the case’. You obviously weren’t given all of the details on the carse, but you knew of the murders the person had committed and the way he had done them. You tried not to think about it too much, but every time you saw Lucifer you just had to ask if the person had been caught yet, just so you could let your mind rest for a moment. 

You were now making food for the day in the apartment you and your boyfriend had rented. While listening to the radio, you pushed the cooking food around the pan. Your boyfriend was on his way back from work, you noticed when your eyes travelled to the clock, placed on the wall. While smiling slightly at the thought, your mind went back to cooking. It was only when you heard a door get slammed closed that you were pulled back from your thoughts. The slam had been so aggressive that it had startled you. You were about to call out to see who had entered the house, but soon you heard noises of fighting coming from near the door. It frightened you enough to make you grab your phone and open contacts just in case something bad was going down. You took a couple silent steps forward while leaning against the kitchen wall to take a peek. 

You sneaked close enough to the end of the wall so you were able to see the hallway that led to the door. But what your eyes saw horrified you to your core. It was your boyfriend, but he was with someone. Your boyfriend you thought you knew had a knife in his hands, and just the moment you had taken a peek he had pushed it into the other man’s chest he had come into the apartment with. You wanted to scream for help out of terror, but something in you told you to be as quiet as you could. While biting harshly on your tongue to keep yourself quiet, you sneaked back into the kitchen, and sat down tightly against one of the corners. 

The phone felt hot in your hands when you opened it. Whilst your hands were shaking, Lucifer’s number popped up first on your screen. In the panicked state you were in you called him, putting the phone carefully against your ear to hear if he picked up. Your free hand was covering the mic of the phone, to muffle the sound of his voice if he answered. The beeps felt like hours were passing, but soon enough you heard a British voice. “Hello, Y/n.” He said, taking a sip from a glass straight after. Your breathing was heavy as you spoke as quiet as you could, but close enough to the mic so he would be able to hear. “You..Lucifer you need to- there…it’s him- he killed all the people.” You tried to explain the situation, but the state of panic you were in was stealing the ability to speak from you. “Y/n, are you okay?” You could hear his voice sounded a lot more worried. “The murderer, its him. He- there’s a dead man in here.” you gritted your teeth together when you heard someone walk closer to the kitchen, already knowing who it was. “He-he's going to kill me.” Your voice sounded terrified. It took Lucifer a moment to catch up with what you were trying to tell him, but then it clicked. The murderer he had told you about was in the apartment with you. “Y/n, do not close the phone. I’m cooking over.” Was all you heard before Lucifer went quiet and all you could hear was him running somewhere. 

Your gaze moved up, and to your terror there he stood. There was some blood embedded into his shirt from the man he had killed just moments before, and he was still holding the same knife he had used. Your hands were shaking while looking at him. “Wrong place, wrong time. A shame honestly.” He murmured, walking closer to you. “Get away!” You yelled at him as you stood up quickly, walking on the other side of the kitchen table. He followed your movement and smiled. “You know what I have to do, don’t make it harder than it has to be.” He spoke up again, scaring you even more. 

Every time you tried to move out of the kitchen, he blocked the way by walking in the same direction. You looked at the phone in your hands. There wasn’t much you could do, but you did have an idea you could try. You ended the call you had been on with Lucifer and took a better hold of the phone. When he wasn’t looking at you for a moment, you threw the phone at him as hard as you could, startling him enough that you had the time to run out of the kitchen. It didn’t take him long to go after you, and corner you again, but this time near a window. Nothing was said, but he was getting closer and closer. You pressed you back against the window, feeling the bottom of it with your hands. Because of the panic, you couldn’t find the spot that lifted up the window. Your breathing was getting quicker and quicker as the man was getting closer to you. Just as you thought it was over you felt your fingers slide under the window and that allowed you to pull it all the way up. You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding in. 

The next moments felt like the longest seconds in your entire life but they also passed so quickly you could barely tell what was happening. Opposite to the window frame you were against was the door that led outside, it was slammed open and someone was walking in the apartment, towards you two. This didn’t go unnoticed by your ‘boyfriend’, and as the only thing he could think of, he attacked you, trying his best to get a hit on you. The attempt to kill you failed. Because the window was now open, you fell straight off, fastly heading to the ground. You could hear someone shout ‘NO!’ before you landed on the hard asphalt, passing out right then and there. 

The next moments were a complete blur as you kept waking up and passing out again. You had landed on your back, so every time you came back to it, you were able to see the window you fell from. For a brief moment you heard screaming and shouting coming from the apartment, and the next time you came back it had stopped. 

The last time you opened your eyes, you felt someone close to you. They were saying something but you couldn’t make out any of the words. Your head was pounding, something was most definitely bleeding and there were at least three broken ribs. “Y/n!” Finally something you understood came through, but when you tried to answer all that came out was a groan from the pain. “No, no, no stay awake. Come on…” You could hear him say, but anything else he said after that didn’t make any sense. 

The next time you woke up, you heard beeping, people talking quietly in the distance, footsteps and other sounds mixed with all of that. A groan left your mouth as you tried to open your eyes. The lights in the room felt so bright that the best option would have been to just continue sleeping, but you pulled through it and slowly opened your eyes again. A hospital room, you recognized it immediately. Slowly turning to the other side of the bed, you saw a chair next to your bed. Before you have time to make any assumptions, you head the door of the room open and someone walks in. Lucifer! 

He noticed you had finally woken up and hurried to the chair next to the bed. “How are you feeling?” Lucifer asked, clearly not sure what to say. You looked at him, mouth and throat so dry that it was hard to start forming words but you still tried. “Fine.” Was all you were able to say. 

You were almost completely sure that you had just almost died, and it felt wild to still be here. The boost you got from that made you want to state the facts to Lucifer, and just tell him how you felt, even if he didn’t feel the same way. Before you were able to, Lucifer spoke up again. “I can get you some water?” He asked, hearing how harsh your voice was. “No, wait.” You couched and then groaned in pain, as you felt a wave of pain go over you, drowning you in its depths for a moment. “Lucifer, I know- This is stupid but.” You mumbled, trying to get your voice back to normal. “Listen, I care about you and I almost just passed away- And…I guess I just wanted to tell you that I’m in love with you-” You ended your speech right then and there, considering if it was a bad idea after all. You felt his hand get placed over your own. “And I know you have someone-” Another wave of pain, making you press your eyes shut for a moment. “Else on your mind but, I just wanted to tell you.” You continued. Lucifer didn’t say anything for a moment. “What do you mean?” He asked, taking so long to form the question that you had thought he wasn’t going to say anything at all. “Chloe. I don’t want to ruin anything.” You replied, trying to look away from him. Lucifer furrowed his brows, as if he hadn’t heard what you said. “You must have misunderstood my intentions.” He said. “I gave you hints, it’s clear how things are.” You mumbled straight after he stopped talking. “Love, I do care for you but I’m nor certain of my feelings. That’s why I ignored the hints you were giving.” Lucifer replied, his voice filled with sorry. You turned to finally look at him, finding that he had been looking at you as well. You almost couldn't believe that you had been wrong this whole time. “It’s okay, I’ll wait for you to come around.” You tried to smile through the pain, when you heard a nurse walk in the room. “I know you’ll wait, you can’t get up can you?” He tried to smile a little, as he stood up, letting the nurse take care of you. 

[woah-were-halfway-there]

Can you tell us how Auston would react if Mia in the future start dating a NHL player?

Omg ok so she actually ends up with an NHL player like altogether. Way in the future like that’s who she marries one day lol but he’s a sweet boy, I’ve already come up with his name too 🤣 anyways, he and Mia go to school together and are friends for years. They first start dating about a month before their senior year of high school (Mia actually graduates high school a semester early too). In the spring, Mia breaks up with the guy she was dating (who Auston hates) and it was really messy like he is not a good guy and tries to pressure Mia into things she isn’t ready for. Anyways, so she breaks up with this guy and then basically spends the rest of the school year and the whole summer just hanging out with her friends and she and the hockey player are basically inseparable and so feelings develop that aren’t just platonic and they eventually admit those feelings and begin their relationship. However, come September, hockey player moves to Michigan because he does the team USA development program and so Mia goes to visit a couple of times and goes when he plays in the world juniors that winter and everything but ok that’s beside the point. When they do start dating, Mia tells Carson first because she knowssssss Auston will be dramatic lmao. And like Auston had met the hockey player before briefly cause he and Mia are friends first and so Auston didn’t really have an opinion on him but then one night Mia is getting ready for a little date with hockey player, which Carson knows about and so does Mia’s siblings, but not Auston. Anyways, Mia gets kinda dressed up for it and is all excited as she’s waiting to be picked up by her boyfriend and Auston notices and doesn’t think much of it but he says “aw you look nice, mini. What are you up to tonight?” And Mia’s like “uhhh” not sure what to say but then little man (who isn’t so little at this point lol) decides to be a bit of a pest and says “she has a dateeee” so Mia tells him to be quiet and Auston’s like oh? Cause he knows she and the other guy broke up months prior but hadn’t heard anything about Mia seeing someone else and so he asks who it is and Mia goes all red and like looks away then mumbles her boyfriends name, also keep in mind that like them dating is still fairly new at this point, she does want to tell Auston but just hasn’t figured out how yet. Anyways, Auston is shook and says “pardon?” Cause he doesn’t believe it. And Mia tries to reason with him saying “dad…” but is cut off when Auston’s like “what do you mean you’re going on a date with him?” Mia says it’s not that big of a deal and Auston is basically losing his mind trying to wrap his head around it all. Then Carson, who heard the commotion, comes out from the kitchen to the foyer where they’re all standing and she glares at Auston threateningly and says his name and when he looks at her she continues staring at him as if silently warning him to not make a big deal of this and embarrass their daughter. Then Auston speaks up and is like “Carse, she’s dating a HOCKEY PLAYER” and Carson doesn’t back down and says “and??? So did I when I was little bit older than Mia is and I like to think I turned out pretty alright.” And Auston’s like on the brink of an absolute meltdown lol and says “but this is different. It’s Mia.” And Carson replies “no it’s not, Auston. She’s 17, let her live. He’s a nice boy.” And then she looks at Mia and says “you go and have fun, baby. He’s probably here. I’ll talk some sense into your father.” Then glares at Auston again and Mia just nods and rushes out the door

[mclegibilist]

Stupid Leverage

Today I want to talk to you about a concept I've been developing called "stupid leverage." First, let me say where it doesn't apply because I think those cases are clear and make us think in the right game-theoretic mindset. 

So, in a player-versus-player (PvP) game, like chess, let's say (chess doesn't have any randomness) playing optimally is always the best decision. Now, we don't know what optimal play is for chess, and in fact we don't even know if White is actually at an advantage; we can't prove that though, I'd be willing to put down a lot of money to say that it is—of course it could be mental. But chess is kind of analogous to checkers, and with checkers, we do know that the person who moves first, wins, assuming that they're playing optimally. And that if you play sub-optimally against someone who's playing optimally, you're just not going to do that well, you just can't possibly beat their advantage because they're playing inexploitably. And when I say inexploitably, I mean, they're not, basically, leaving money on the ground, they're not doing something where by reacting to it, you could get a leg up on them in the game. 

Now, if you start scoring things—so, for instance, you start scoring games instead of just by winning, also by how many pieces you took—then there are ways that if someone else is playing sub-optimally, you could end up winning "harder" by playing sub-optimally, i.e., in an exploitable way that you think your opponent won't exploit. But as long as we're talking about binary winning, this is never the case, because there is always an optimal method to play a game in any of the games that we can think of, basically, to be very rigorous, in games where there are a discrete set of moves, and where every move determines the next game state, and there is allowed to be randomness that is part of that sampling process, but basically in games that work like state machines, the way we think about them. There are always optimal strategies, as long as these games are finite. (And I'm not talking about "Finite and Infinite Games" by James Carse, I'm talking about games where we have an assurance that they are going to end.) Because if you don't, then you get into this undecidability territory, but basically if you can define the game as a state machine, you're going to end up in a place where there's an optimal strategy to winning. 

And the interesting thing though is that in games where there are more than two players, there's a situation you can end up in where playing optimally doesn't ensure a win anymore. The easiest place to see this is, let's say I'm Player One and Player Two is doing something incredibly stupid. And then Player Three rushes in to exploit it. And as it turns out in this game, whoever scores the most points against their opponents wins. Well, playing optimally is no longer going to be good enough, because I'm playing in a way where I'm assuming someone is going to punish me, if I'm punishable. But optimal, mathematically, the way we tend to think about it in game theory is against any possible strategy, right, so my assumption is that other people could suddenly shift this strategy and start exploiting the crap out of me, and I need to always be careful to guard against that. But in this case, you can design a scenario where I'm playing defensively, but other people are playing incredibly offensively leaving themselves open. Maybe because one of them doesn't "get it," and the other one gets that the other person doesn't get it, and they're both kind of ignoring me.

And if that happens, I'm not going to get the highest score, because Player Three will take advantage of Player Two to the maximum ability they can and will rack up all the points. Now, the clincher about this is that the losing strategy in this individual case may still be “optimal”. The reason why optimal strategies could consistently lose is because we're in a certain part of the strategy space that humans occupy. And this is true for some other biased part of the strategy space but the main bias we care about is the way humans think because that's the kind of games we robably care about most. 

And the kicker here is that we expect opponents to play consistently, so it would be crazy to some extent to imagine that Player Two would do something really dumb consistently to set us up, unless there is some way they could eventually scoop it back, turn it all around, and when, and theoretically that strategy has been cashed in; that's been priced into the optimal strategy that I'm using and I'm guarding against the possibility that they could flip and change. But there are plenty of strategies that people try to pull off that don't work, that you literally just could not recover from because they don't understand the rules or because they had an idea that they aren’t capable of executing: there lots of reasons why people do dumb things that aren't optimal. 

And once one person is suboptimal and other people are taking advantage of it, you're dragged into the sub-optimal space if you want to win. And here's where the game becomes interesting: it becomes interesting because you're trying to find the specific subspace of strategies, all of which are suboptimal, that you're playing in, because if you know the subspace of strategies that people are messing around in that is dragging you into this sub-optimal style of gameplay, then you can redefine the game to only occur in that subspace of strategies, and then once again there's an optimal strategy, and you can win using that optimal strategy. The problem is, and the reason why this doesn't just end up with people finding a small subspace of strategies and game theorizing it themselves into a new optimal solution, is that once people tend to saturate a space of strategies... Well, let's say, a strategy is small enough to be saturatable, then people tend to break those kinds the kinds of strategies they use into further sub-optimal strategies that other people aren't familiar enough with that breaks their rhythm, that even though they're suboptimal other people don't know how to exploit properly. And this kind of creates a [garbled] treadmill of sub-optimal strategies and we call this property of these kinds of subspaces anti-inductivity. 

Another situation you can end up in, is that the space of suboptimal strategies is so ridiculously large, that you can't really know the kind of strategy people are using ahead of time. So instead, you try to see patterns that are gonna give you some kind of understanding of the behavior that you're going to get. And then you try to work with that. And in those cases, often, I mean you could still call this anti-inductivity, to some extent because I'm still going to try to exploit the sub-optimal patterns in my opponent's strategy, but it is in some sense very different kind of anti-inductivity, because in a  vast space which has only been sparsely populated by real attempts,  people have only tried very few possible options of possible strategies, and there are an incredible amount of strategies that you could draw from, you end up not being able to actually create a proper taxonomy. And so people end up focusing on strategies that are "bucketable." And then, focusing on finding opponents that fall into a certain bucket and exploiting them. And this is a very common thing, right. Predators don't really care about exactly the species of animals they catch, but they're looking for species of animals that have certain kinds of weaknesses that they can exploit in order to catch them. Now the kinds of animals that exist—there's a lot of them, but it's, it's still a pretty damn finite space. Evolution is slow, so plenty of predators aren't super specifie, to a certain kind of ecological niche because they're really in the middle of being specified and everyone's changing at the same time, Red Queen problem kind of stuff, but there are plenty of things where this is the case. 

I would argue that this is more or less the case with writing, where I think there are an incredible number of ways to write an essay. I think we tend to be forced to write essays for people who are reading essays, and to try the thread the needle of uniqueness and understandability, and in this case the predator is actually the reader, looking out for new essays to read, and you're trying to produce something for the predator to catch. And you have to produce something that they'll recognize as prey. Your competition, as a creator is other people who are also trying to produce stuff that these readers are going to end up selecting—right, this is the classic selection game. And the problem is, we end up not filling out the space of possible essays, because it's often much, much easier to fight over a recognizable niche than to get people interested in trying to explore hard-to-recognize niches.

My point about stupid leverage is that in human affairs, optimal play is selected against because most of the time, most games are about exploiting something that has already put everyone into sub-optimal play (almost any way you could think about the game). And that's basically because usually, the sub-set of strategies that other people are using for a contested resource is such a small part of the possibility space. Almost all of the free energy you could end up exploiting—all of the places where inventing a new strategy could end up giving you an advantage—has to do with the fact that your enemies are leaving something on the table.

[slightly-gay-pogohammer]

I haven't played much Tomb Raider of any flavour, but looking from outside in, the reboot has always seemed like pure misery porn. I honestly do not get how or WHY anyone would make that to explain the origins of... Fun Video Game Adventurer (w/ Tiddy)

it is.

like. i wont lie, putting aside the fact that we’re talking about lara croft, the first game is a guilty pleasure and so is the survival sidegame in the second game, but. the very first game starts with lara, in order (TW for general violence, gore and sexual abuse):

almost drowning (if it wasn’t for a male character saving her)

almost drowning, again

getting hit in the head

being hanged upside-down after being likely beaten, considering her state

getting herself on fire

falling from VERY tall into a perfectly placed metal thingie that gets stuck in her side (which wound opens again later in the game, forcing her to cauterize it with nothing but the point of an arrow and a lighter)

almost crushed by a boulder like, at LEAST three times in a row

and gets out of it only to almost fall to her death, starve, die of cold and later on being beaten and sexually assaulted, and just then she has to kill someone by shooting him at point blank

and yknow... the other games did the same. lara never had a simple start of a story, the very first tomb raider has her dealing with climbing a cold mountain, having someone being murdered in front of her, and soon enough having to deal with traps; the second one is  trap after trap and the third she also has to deal with quicksands; don’t get me STARTED with AoD, where most people think she’s a murderer and actively hunt her down

the. basic is that how she reacts. from TR1 to AoD lara replied to being attacked by attacking back. if she’s chased by an assault helicopter she runs and hides, finds a way to take down guards herself and moves on, determind to find the real murderer; after dealing with piranhas and quicksands and rolling boulders she still has enough strenght and determination to sass back a rando who attacks her; she might feel discouraged sometimes, the weight of her traumas is very visible especially in AoD where she’s far more snappy, but it shows her growth. ...the reboot instead makes me HURT. it’s BAD to hear your character sobbing and whimpering the entire game. she’s shocked and traumatized from beginning to end, and even in the sequel where she technically comments over and over how she grew and she’s strong and she got over her traumas (not for calming people or down or not making them worried, the plot literally shows us if a technically more hardened lara who actually fights back a little faster, even if she STILL gets her ass kicked until a man helps her more than once) she STILL continues moaning and whimpering in fear and pain. i dont want to protect her, i just want her to stay at home before someone else stabs her in the guts or kill someone she carse for after she’s happy for 0.1 seconds! “but it’s realistic” then give me “““realistic”““ male characters who reacts this way too. who cry and moan for the entire game.

it’s. bad. it doesn’t empower me, i don’t THINK that just because she gets to kill people female players feel empowered. you know what made me feel powerful? actually managing to dive down a waterfall, for starting, but also see lara grow, learn to be more mature the more games pass - where in TR1 she was a lonely adventurer who “played for sport”, she grew to TR4 where she openly seeks help when things get in trouble, just to have her trust completely destroyed, just to rediscover it again thanks to the help of simple people, like a woman of the streets, and a finding the strenght of moving on! it’s seeing a woman doing what she loves for herself, because adventuring and tomb raiding is HER passion, and not because it’s her family’s job.

lara being saved over and over by male characters sure as fuck doesnt make me feel like a strong indipendent woman.

[livcosmos]

CHAIN OF GOLD booktalk

You guys I can't even... that was oh my God soooo good. I know I always say this but I don’t even know where to start like there was so much going on and ahahahha I loved it so incredebly much!!! I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read it because I thought that it would be to painful because of my love Jem but I am sooooo incredebly glad I did read it and I can’t wait for the next book I am fraking out so hard I need to know what happens kjkjkjkjk... Can it please be March already???Please!!! I had so much fun reading it, it gave all the feelings from laughing out loud to screaming and crying and wanting to throw the book out the window, it was amazing! It was so intense!! I also want to say how much respect I have for this woman she created such an amazing world with such amazing characters and she never stops to amaze me she never disappoints! I want to thank her once again for everything!!! She is a freaking genius!!! Now let’s get started!

Ok I think I’m going to start with my boy Matthew, he was and is my aboulute favourite, I knew he was going to be from the moment I read the short story about him in “Ghosts of the Shadow Market”, cause yes apperently I have a weakness for sad damaged boys, my hearth breaks for him and I just want him to be happy more than everything he is such a sweeatherat and I am so so scared that something is going to happen to him I saw some theires about him... I’m telling you if something happpens to him I burning the world down if I may quote Sebastian!

Through the whole book I was screaming for more parts from his point of few because I needed and I stilll need to know exactly what he is thinking and what he is feeling I need that so bad and when we finally got the first tiny part from his point of few the one with Grace... I am going to talk about that...girl in a miunte... first I started crying cause I was so happy but than of course that bitch, I’m sorry I normaly never swar but oh my Lord I hate Grace and the things I said to her God forgive me, had to ruin it and hhjhfjfgfgf poor Matthew! I really hope Magnus helps him, our sweet Maguns our mother Theresa bless his soul I love how he is always there to help and all my hope is in him that he helps Matthew too as he helped Will, I am so happy he is present and in the action, let’s be honest what would be a Shadowhunter book without him seriosly now?

As I mentioned Will, first his parenting omg is helarious😂😂 I love him so much! And second of all Matthew remeinds me so much of him and I really really hope Matthew finds his light as Will did!

Matthew needs to talk to someone about what happend he needs to talk about it and frogive himself for what he did ahhh it breaks my hearth to see him suffering! When he told Thomas and Lucie about what Alastair said as mean as it sounds cause I do felt really sorry for Alastair in that moment, I was glad Matthew said at least a part of what is so heavy on his hearth, I mean he didn’t said what he did because of the rumor Alaister speed but it was a step forward in my opinion! AAAHHH and I read the things we can expect in Chain of Iron and that he probably is going to tell Cordelia what he did aaahhhh... bless him I am so excited to see what happens!!!!

Heres is the thing, this is probably an rather unpopular opinion but even tho I of course ship James and Cordelia, I mean obviosly they are made for each other there is no doubt in that, but there is still a part of me that ships Matthew with Cordelia.... I mean THE DRAMA, I know but ahhh and I read that they are going to be very close in Chain of Iron and aaaaaa I can’t say it often enough how freaking excited I am for that book!!!!! I loved the easiness in their conversations, they always were somehow comfortable around each other and the dance at the ball tho omg that was something, I loved it so much!! How they danced together and talked that was the moment I started shipping them!!!

And here’s another thing, I also shipped Matthew with Lucie like... hgckgfgfk don’t get me wrong I love Jesse and I do ship Jesse with Lucie, like how could I not and bless him when he gave his last breath for James how couldn’t I love him? I cried so much reading that scene! How could I not ship him with Lucie they are also made for each other but than agian Matthew and Lucie ... that would be interesting I mean now it’s obviosly never going to happen because Matthew is over her but still! And my hearth BROKE like it litterly shattered when James talked to Lucie about Matthew and she was like yeah but I don’t like him in that way... Like girl I love you you’re amaizing but what is wrong with you? We are talking about MATTHEW FREAKING FARICHILD here !!!!! Oh or at that part where she was talking to Matthew and she literatly called him a drunk, like yeah he do has that problem but she didn’t had to be so harsh! I loved tho how much Matthew cared for Lucie how he was concerned about her well being he is so sweet!!!! But I guess have a more brother and sister relationship, unfortunately.

The only thing I fear is that Matthew is goin to end up alone because obviosly James and Cordelia and Lucie and Jesse will stay togetehr forever, and I don’t want my baby to be alone forever! I read that there is a new charachter in Chain of Iron, a girl from Italy maybe she will be the perfect match for my Matthew? Who knows?

Another thing I ablolutely fraking love about Matthew is also that he loves fashion and that he carse about how he dressed and oh my lord he is wering RINGS!!!! like ok every Shadowhunter has their family ring but he is wearing other rings too and he has so much style!!!! He owend my hearth anyway but those things made him even more lovebale for me ahhhhhh and the fact that he is fangirling over Magnus.... omg!!! And of couse the fact that he loves reading I mean yeah Jamie and Lucie they also love reading and I love them for that too but the fact that he is reading in combination whit his other traids... he went right up on the second place of my book boyfriedns list!!! And of couse his dog, I love Oscar even tho he didn’t apear that much but aaaaa how he tried to save Matthew when they were attaced ...my hearth. And the fact itself that he named his dog after his favourite author.... just... I always love an artist boy but Matthew is something else! He can’t quite reach Jem because Jem to me is more that everything but he is right behid him! Jem is the love of my life and Matthew is my soulmate how about that,that seams sounds good.😂😂

As I already mentioned my biggest love of all times Jem, I also have to say a few words about him! So I cryed so much at that part when he came to see Will after his parents died, I was so emotional and ahhhhh every time they all were like oncle Jem here onlce Jem there... I had tears in my eyes I always cry for Jem and and he owns my hearth forever and ever, his faith always makes me cry, how sad he must have been all this years... how sad... finally seeing him happy with Tessa and Mina makes me more than happy and again I am warning everyone here if anything happens to him in the Wicked Powers anything... to him or Mina... I’m going to react even worse than if anything happens to Matthew!!! Oh and another thing I can hadle “oncle Jem”, it hurts but I except it, “cousin Jem” tho is a whole other level tho.. that I can’t handle it’s so wired omg it’s so wired that Cordelia is Jem’s cousin ....and overall it is wired to see all of them as parents not only Will and Tessa but also Cecily and Gabriel, Sophie and Gideon ahhhh my hearth, knowing everything they have been through and now seeing them have kids...but than it was also so interesting and funny and I loved that they were there but that they let the children do their own thing, that even tho they were present they weren’t the focus of the book. AH and I loved how Magnus was like: “I am going to help you all but if something goes wrong I am going to tell your parents!”, I love that he is so close to Tessa and Will everytime I think about the fact that he and Tessa are so close to this day ahhhhh....so sweet!!!

And now that I mentioned Mina I have to say this too, I how painfull must it be for Tessa and Jem and even Maguns to have seen all those beautiful children James, Lucie, Matthew all of the live, and love and grow and than die! Like it hurts me so much because I learnd to love them all so much and I am sitting here screaming at every on of them to stay alive and don’t die but than if you thing about it they are all already dead.... and that hurts and if that hurts me how must Tessa and Jem feel, who have seen them every day.... that is so incredebly sad and it breaks my heart! And than I think about the fact that Jem is now also going to die ant some point and Mina too and I can’t even think about it that is unbareble for me I don’t want to think about a world without my Jemmy in it!!

Anyway coming back to this book I think it’s time to talk about our manipulative, annoying, mean, evil, I fraking hate her so much, Grace Blackthorn.... aaahhhhh were do I start......I KNEW IT from the very beginning!!!!!! The moment, the moment James metioned that damned bracelet the first time I knew that there was something wired about it, I knew it had some kind of influence over him I knew it and than she came andjbsdhbfsdhfbsdhf I can’t even I am sooooo mad soooo sooooo mad!!!! I love Jamie, I realy do and I know it’s not his fault but still I am also a little mad at him that he let himself get triecked by that lunatic!!!!! I was so happy and releaved when she took that bracelet back from him I was so happy that she was finally out of the picture and I also was sooooooooo happy he realised even a little bit that there was something wrong and that he didn’t actualy loved Grace and that he actually has feelings for Cordelia!!!! Because my god Cordelia was there first he liked Cordelia first when she read to him when he was ill, that was so sweet and he had a crush on her but didn’t realise it and than the lunatic came and gave him that freaking bracelet, and she said herslf that James was obviosly crushing over Cordelia but of cousre she is a manipulative bitch and she made him take that bracelet and than made him wear it ahhhhh bsdgfkjhgfkhgljkg

It was a trap from the very beginning and I had red flags all over in my head flying around the moment she first apeared, of couse I felt sorry for her, because of the other lunatic, her mother, and I thought that it’s not her fault that she was raised by Tatiana and that she maybe has a little good in her but noooooooooooo she knows what she is doing!!! Even if Tatiana made her do some of the the evil things she not only agree to do them she also made her own bad bad bad things!!!!! God I hate her so much!!!  It was a trap for James the moment Tatiana came and was like “Can you plese help me cut the throns?” nooooo he can’t!!!!! Get out!!!! James should have sensed that there was something wired going on, but bless him his heart is to good to sense that!!!

I love how Matthew never liked Grace and that scene with her when they talked I got sooo mad so so mad!!!! I love Matthew but he needs to tell James or even Cordelia about what Garce said and did!!! And Matthew how could you let them alone at the end how??? When I read that part, when the evil thing but the bracelet back on James’s wrist I was beyond furios that was the last bit, I wanted to throw the book on a wall!!! vfsdjhfgdhjsgfdshgfsh!!!!! And pleaseeeeeee someoneeee I don’t care if it is Matthew or Cordelia or anyone elese PLEASE TAKE THAT DAMED BRACELET OF JAMES!!!!!! They must see that there is something about that bracelet please please please Magnus, anyone plese!!!

According to the family tree from Clockwork Princess our Miss Grace is going to be with Christopher PLESE NO! Christopher is to good for her, he is too nice he deserves something better than Grace I love Christiopher plese don’t let her ruin him! I know that that family tree isn’t reliable but still I went in fulll on detectiv Mode through the whole book checking that tree  and making theories and everything!!!! And I need some awnsers!!!!

When Barbara died ( I didn’t know her that well but she seamed so nice I liked her and I fell so sorry for Sophie and Gideon!!!) an alarm in my head went on because in the epiloge of Clockwork Princess, when Will died they said that Sophie’s girls where there and I was like nooo there is a mistake how?? How can Sophie’s girls be at Will’s death of Barbara just died!And than it occured to me that Cassie changed her mind and decided to kill Barbara then, we can’t trust anything!!! Anything is opssible anything can happen and I am so scared!!!!

Returining to Grace and Tatiana.... why on earth does no one acknowledge that Tatiana is mad??? She is wearing the same dress she wore when her husband died every freaking day??!! They must see that there is something wrong with her! And letting her adopt a child who she obviosly ruined is another crazy thing!!!! Why does no one see that??? Why??? James sweetheath the moment you met Grace you should have run to Tessa and and tell her that crazy Tatiana is keeping a girl in that run down house!! He would have done a good thing for her if he had told anyone about her but than again Grace is crazy herself and maybe she would have stabed everyone in the Institute in the middle of the night! And Tatiana is now going to the Iron Sisters and I am so freaking scared of what she is going to do...

Poor Jesse she seams so nice comapred to his crazy mother and sister how can he be so nice when they are so out of thier minds??? I am dying to know how Lucie is going to bring him back to life, God forbid Grace makes her do something to carzy I mean it is crazy enough they want to bring Jesse back with necromacie and I guess it runs in the family *cough cough Ty* to bring back the dead but I fear joing Grace in this thing isn’t good for Lucie! Omg but I loved that scene where Lucie compared Jesse to Snow White that was hilarious.😂😂😂

Speaking of Luice I really love her, I love that she wants to be a writer, I love how Tessa and Will teached their children to love books! And Lucie she is so funny and god she and Matthew would have been so beautiful together... but again she is made for Jesse and as I also like him may they be happy together! I also have to say that she gave me especially in the beginning Anne with an E vibes she kind of reminder me of Anne.

Quick thing about James I want to learn more about his power with the shadow realm and also about Lucie’s obviously but I have to say that in the beginning when he was constantly jumping throw the realms... that reminder me soooo hard of Stranger Things!!!😂 I know it’s crazy but here me out, to me it sounded so much like The Upside Down and James reminder me of Will from Stranger Things like I don’t know maybe I’m just crazy but I also imagined that one demon the one from the greenhouse who multiplied looked like that thing from Strager Things who also left those baby monsters everywhere!😂😂

I think it’s time for Cordelia now, but before I go on with her I want to also say a word about Alastair. So I can’t forgive him because of what he did to Matthew and I am still not sure if I like him but I do understand him now. I loved seeing this other side of him, seeing him somehow vulnerable and I loved that he cares about Cordelia and that in a wiered way he truly is a good brother to her! And I do understand even tho that doesn’t excuse his actions, why he was so mean and that it was all because he was alone and feard to be bullyed and that in some messed up way it was because of his dad. I do beleve there is good in him and I am so here for him chainging into a good person and apologiseing for what he did and said that hurt others. Speaking of his father tho... I don’t now what to think about him... he didn’t want to se Jem after he became a Silent Brother even tho he was his only relative.... I think that says enogh about him... I am curios tho to see how he is when he cames back in Chain of Iron. Ahhhh and if we are already at it... Sona... I didn’t like her in the beginng she was so stiff and somewhat mean but that thowords the end I stated to sympathise her I felt sorry for her in a way and I realised that she only wanted her children to be well.

Oh God and also the other big thing that made me go into a next level detective mode was Cortana, because.... so Cortana belongs to Cordelia, it belongs to the Carstairs family AND it remains in the Carstairs family because Emma has it and her father a Carstairs gave it to her.... and if we check the family tree John Carstairs Emma’s father is Alastair’s son BUT and here comes the big thing how is that possible first that Alastair has a son ( maybe he adopted???) and than second how is it possible that Cortana remained in the Carstairs family because if Cordelia marries regardeless if it is James or not, the sword isn’t going to remain in the Carstairs familly unless Cordelia decides for whatever reason that she wants to give HER SWORD the sword that CHOSE HER to her nephew and not to her own child??!!! What is going on??? I want to know??? How does Cortana remain in the Carstairs family HOW??? I am so intrigued I want to know this so badly!!!

Now that we have that of the table we can talk about Cordelia, so first I love how she is friends with Lucie, I do want to see more of their friendship tho! I do like her, I wan’t sure in the beginning because in the beginning she was so focused on her father and on making a good inpresion that I don’t konw.. but than I learned to love her, I love how fearless she is and how she loves her friends and risks her life for them, she is so great! And I love her with James, I do like all the drama with Matthew ahhh but she and James they need to be toghether! At the end when she “saved him” from Tatiana’s acusation I was like “GIRLS WAHT ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU INSAINE???” but than I understood that that is just how she is, she protects her loved ones and I love her for that! But damn it hurt so much when James said that he doesn’t love her because of that fraking bracelet ahhhh my heath poor Cordelia!!!! James do loves her he does he just neds to take that damed thing of his wrist and they can be togehter!!! It is so obvious and after the Whisper Room thing like people you could have stoped but you didn’t just please talk about your feelings!!! But no our evil Grace neded to come with her bracelet!!! I have to honest from the moment she put that thing back on his hand till the very end I felt sick I felt like I was going to throw up that’s how much the whole situation shaked me.😂😂

And if there is one thing I leared this summer from the books I read, especialy this and Again but Better, it’s that for god’s sake you should always say what you feel when you feel it regardeless of the conseconces just tell the people you love that you love them because there is so much to lose if you don’t! So much can happen not within days but within hours, like for example crazy Grace putting on a bewiched bracelet on your crush, and you will regrett not have said it before when you had the chance! I am so excited to see how this fake marriage thing goes, it’s definitely going to be very interesting! 

Ah and another thing I loved about this book is the friendship between all of the cousins! I love how close they all are, that they grew up togetehr and that they are so close it so beautiful! I love the Merry Thieves and I love how they now included the girls ( I don’t know what I feel about the new Italian girl I need to meet her before I approve her into the group) and I love how everyone is everyones cousin even tho they are not actualy cousins and ahhhhh the friendship between Anna and Matthew their trips to the Hell Ruelle omg I live for that!!! I love how they meet at the Devil Tavern and plan their moves, it so beautiful! I love that Tessa and Will and all the parents made their children all grow up together making them grow so close!!! They are one big family!

Thomas I haven’t said anything about him yet, I love him I realy like him and I love how close he is particlary to Christopher! I love how kind he is and I also love how like his father he went to Madrird. And I love Anna, I love how observent she is, that she sensed a wiredness between James and Cordelia and I love how she gifted Cordelia all those dressed like omg!

Ah and I also do need to say how much I dislike Charles, like how was it possible that out of such nice people as Charlotte and Henry (I loved seeing Henry again in this book bless him) somone so awful as Charles can come out? I rellly don’t like him! Not that Ariadne cared but how could he leave her while she was dying? Who does that? I guess he truly deserves to be with Grace tho I feel sorry for Charlotte and Henry to have to welcome her into the family!

I sorry this booktalk got so long but had a lot to say and I still have a few more things to say one of which is about the London quarantine in this book, like the irony in it the fact thate we were all in quaratine when this book came out is just... I couldn’t ’t belive my eyes when I read it! Overall I love that the book took place in London, London is my favourite city in the world and returning there through this book esspecial at the time ahhh it was perfect, I loved returing to the London Institute, I loved the dresses andthe fashion everything! I loved the way they all spoke and they sayings it was all so perfect!

This book was just everything I needed right now and I am more than gald that I decided to read it! I can’t let it go yet tho I am still to attached to everything my crush on Matthew is still buring bright and I can’t let it and I don’t want to let it fade! I’m also more than excited for Chain of Iron, March can’t come soon enogh! I dying to see what happens and how all this drama is going to be solved!

Oh goodness and I almost forgot thanks to everyone who makes Shdowhunter memes, esspecally the ones about Chain of Gold like really they make my day! I am sometimes sitting for hours looking at them laughing!😂😂Some of them are pure gold! Thank you!

And I also want to thank everyone who came this far and read all of this you are true legends!

[darlingrutherford]

Tell us about the changeling 👁👄👁

Wifhaihdjsf (first off, that face never fails to make me crack up so thank you for that)

Ok. So. My D&D changeling. Keep in mind that we're still working on forming the background for everything, so there are some things that will probably be added in, some things may change, etc. Also, in regards to locations mentioned, my husband/DM has a bunch of maps from lots of D&D, not necessarily 5e, locations, so some cities may not necessarily coincide with the continent they're supposed to. He just kind of creates his own continent out of what he has access to. But…

My changeling’s name is Vanya. She remembers very little of her childhood before she was in the Shadow Blade’s group. The Shadow Blades are a group of assassins, with guilds in Amn, Carse, Waterdeep, lots of different locations. What she does remember before the Shadow Blades are very vague, such as warm weather and things like that. She doesn't remember her parents or family, so the only ties she really has are to the Shadow Blades (which is how they want it). I still haven't been told as a player whether or not if she was taken as a child (a lot of things up to the point where we've started playing that would have been up to the Shadow Blades, I've left up to my husband since it wouldn't have been her choice anyway).

Vanya grew up during most of her childhood in Amn. She grew up in a compound with a lot of girls around her age, and older. For the most part the youngest of them were made to do chores (to get them quickly used to doing as they were told), but also were given various tests growing up to see how quickly they could catch on to things. After a number of these tests, Vanya would see the numbers of girls dwindle. They never told Vanya where those girls went, just that it wasn't her concern. Questions, for the most part, were never met with answers, encouraging them to only have the knowledge of what was given to them.

Eventually, Vanya was moved to Carse, which she learned was the location of one of the compounds that housed an assassin guild for the Shadow Blades. Disguised as an etiquette boarding school that families could send their young girls to, Vanya learned there how to blend in with the nobility, how to dance, the things you would expect from such an establishment. However, underground (and accessible through a secret bookcase, of course) was where the Carse guild of the Shadow Blades actually resided. Down there, Vanya learned how to infiltrate, how to slip poison into someone's drink, and, most importantly to an assassin, how to take a life. They have no possessions that belong to themselves, they aren't allowed to have relationships or true friendships, and the guild worked to develop a real competitive environment between the girls as they learned.

The first life she took was when she was 16. Vanya was brought to a room where her instructor and a handful of people she didn't know (other higher ups in the guild, from Carse and otherwise) stood around a man bound and gagged on his knees. She was given a blade and told to kill him, right then and there. No questions were answered. According to them, she didn't need to know why a contract for his life was made. Only that she was to do it. As she got older she realized why they had her do it - they didn't want the possibility of her hesitating on an actual mission. She still remembers the man's black hair, how tall he was even when on his knees, the way his blue eyes seemed to beg at her before she slit his throat. It's not a nice memory by any means, but it was a big moment for her - it meant she was doing well at her training, that she'd been given this opportunity, and that she'd be trusted with more opportunities in the future. Vanya quickly learned to put up a wall when she was training, to build it up so that she wouldn't think, only act, when she had a task to complete. That first life wasn't easy to take, but she still wondered what happened to all those girls who had disappeared from the place in Amn. She knew it was likely life or death - theirs, or hers. And she chose to live.

Being a changeling, Vanya was often given opportunities before the other girls in her group. She had her first kill first, she went on her first missions accompanying a seasoned assassin before the others - one where she took on the form of a servant and slipped poison into a drink and had to make sure the right person got the cup, another where she directly served the drink to the target, and one other. All four of her kills so far have been under direct supervision. But her advantage of being given more opportunities sooner than the others bred a bit of animosity between her and the other girls - especially Nairia, a high elf girl her age who is favored by their combat specialist and trainer, Lady Ilzora, who is also a high elf. Despite any issues they have with each other, though, all of the girls would jump to protect one another if a need were to rise.

Vanya probably wouldn't have chosen this life for herself, but it's all she knows now. It's what she's good at. Yes, she could put on anyone's face she wanted to, but she can't imagine being a homemaker, a farmer, anything more boring than what she's been raised to do. Plus, if she were to leave, she'd most likely be hunted by the Shadow Blades for the rest of her life, so she doesn't often think of it. She doesn't enjoy killing, but she doesn't abhor it either. It's a task, one that she could take or leave. And she's gotten very good at bottling up and ignoring any emotions surrounding it.

Recently, Vanya was assigned as a charge to Soren Nygaard. Soren was brought to the Carse Shadow Blades about 4ish months or so prior, to be an apprentice to Master Lodelis, who is the leader of the Carse guild. Soren, believing he was to learn how to be a more powerful wizard from Master Lodelis, has been stuck making potions and poisons for almost the entire time. Although Soren has his own possessions, unlike the girls, he isn't allowed to keep his own spell book. He is allowed to learn what Master Lodelis let's him read, and isn't given time to secretly transcribe the spells to his own spell book if he wanted to (magic for wizards in D&D is a bit more complicated than it is for sorcerers and such). Needless to say, Soren is more than a bit miffed, especially now that he's expected to take time away from his already limited studies to be Vanya’s handler. Thankfully, the two of them already get on quite well. So, it should make for some interesting assignments 👀

[orolith]

i spent a chunk of the morning trying and failing to remember a dream i had last night, until a keyphrase (someone saying "i guess you hitched your horse to the wrong cart") came back to me and brought the whole dream with it.

But it's still early in the morning and i'm still most-of-the-way asleep, so instead of this being an exciting moment of discovery, it's a moment of me sitting slumped at my desk with a piece of yesterday's pizza in my mouth, suddenly mumbling

"youl've hitched your hort to the wrong carse!"

loud enough to wake the cats up

[rotzaprachim]

in secret, between the shadow and the soul 1/2

Kanej, Inej-centric. Teen ish, marriage of convenience, 3000 words 

(About 6 years post Crooked Kingdom) 

Read here on ao3

The apothecary asks her how long it’s been since she’s been intimate with her husband, and Inej almost chokes, says no, she hasn’t been in a very long time. Honesty is always difficult in her carse- dealing with her own past, own demons is hard enough without having to watch other people attempt proper emotional responses on her behalf, and maybe the apothecary senses that because she doesn’t ask more.

----

“It’s legal more than anything. A question of economics,” Kaz said, and Inej nodded, because it's kerch and how could it be anything but? Certainly nothing as tawdry as emotion or desire, let alone love, could interfere with so large a life decision.

Only Kerch citizens can hold berths in the water, and its significantly easier to manage bank accounts and conduct major financial decisions of the kind Inej needs to make on the near daily when restocking her ships. There's one route faster than all the others to becoming a Kerch citizen.

Inej suggested it before Kaz did.

She isn’t ready for marriage, she said. She isn’t ready to be tied to a man, to be anything more or less than herself alone. The Kerch made the whole business easy by never referring to this thing they’re doing as a marriage, all the paperwork is about Economic Units, Civil Unions. There’s so many pages of jargon it made Inej’s eyes bleed. Future children held less inches of fine grey type than agreements on pigs and shipping company stocks, and were described in the same economic language.

Kaz went through the whole thing line by line until the shore she was going to call for an annulment before they’d even gotten the damned thing notarized, or else make herself a tastefully rich and very young widow.

“It’s a contract,” he said. “You should know all the details before you sign your life away.”

“For heaven’s sake,” Inej said, irritated by the last several pages about Property Division in the Event of Medium Sized or Larger Storms, Grisha Attacks, and General Flooding, “I’m not signing my life away.”

“When you get married, it might be difficult to annul if you’ve still got a legal Kerch-”

“When I get married?” she shoots back challengingly. “To who?”

“I don’t know. That fire-tongued revolutionary who writes you poetry and will make you a new world. The Kaelish tavern maid who always pours you a free beer in her bar while you sing about the plight of the repressed. Someone hopelessly moon-eyed and optimistic, who thinks the world shits rainbows and knows what you’re worth.”

“You, Kaz Brekker,” she finally sighed, “are a hell of a lot dumber than they say you are.”

---

She doesn’t tell her parents. She’s not ready for that conversation.

---

She doesn’t tell Nina. She’s not ready for that conversation either.

---

The whole thing was finished in a notary’s office in ten minutes.

Kaz’s gloves were off, more because they both need to be fingerprinted than anything else.

He swore a short, official oath of his loyalty to both her and the Kerch market, promising not to cheat in foreign ports and to provide for and any hypothetical children. She thought of the paid-off indenture and the ship and the found parents and berth twenty-two and and her room in the house in bought on the Zelverstraat and thought that maybe he’s better at doing that than he thinks he is.

She swore a shorter official oath about fidelity and staying true and all her children being her husband’s, because to do otherwise would be bad economics and make her a poor investment, a value-destroyer, on the family line. Because it’s Kerch and of course it is.

---

“What are you thinking about?” he asked her afterward in an attempt at being casual. They’d been sipping at warm lukewarm flagons of beer in one of the harbour’s more reputable establishments and looking out at the water for twenty minutes.

“I’m thinking,” she said slowly, tasting her words, “that Alys Van Eyck is a very, very lucky woman that we came around when we did.” She’s still thinking about the various punishments for women who pollute the family line, which even if motivated by economics over faith as such things would be in Fjerda, are not dissimilar in practice. She’s realising more and more the Kerch neuroticism over bastardry probably comes from having so many of the young men gone for half the year at sea.

Kaz guffawed, which was not a sound she was really used to him making. “You never fail to surprise me, Wraith.”

“How is the Vrouw Dazi”

Kaz shrugged. “Not useful to my purposes anymore. Wylan’s got her an Bajan set up in a little cottage outside Pijl with a tidy sum tied to not making too much noise.”

Sometimes she fantasized about breaking into that cottage and putting on a performance similar to the one that sent Pekka Rollins screaming from Ketterdam. She didn’t, because she didn’t subscribe to the idea of the sins of the father and thought Saartje Kazanja deserved a da with his mental pieces mostly intact. But saints take all, she wanted too.

“How’s Saartje?”

“I don’t know. Kid? Looks more like she could be ours than Jan Van Eyck’s, that’s for sure.

The tips of Kaz’s ears went red before he finished that sentence and he stared into the foam at the bottom of his glass, head turned decisively away from her.

“Fine, I think. In school now. No reason to keep tabs.”

They toasted her new Kerch citizenship. Inej swore she saw his hand shaking.

----

Her citizenship documents, stamped with a wax seal of three flying fish and a small Kerch flag came three days later, expedited by Kaz in ways she cannot begin to fathom. It’s only then she realised that they’re for the new Vrouw Rietveld, that she made her vows to Kasper Rietveld. It’s only logical- Rietveld can be the upstanding businessman who only exists on paper in a way Kaz Brekker cannot, all the better for her dowings, but it still feels like a piece of himself gifted to her.

She could forge Rietveld’s name for her own purposes too; they practiced on old betting slips that she then threw into the fire. Kerch women can legally make almost every kind of financial decision and dealing, less due to the Merchers’ Council’s upstanding opinion of the female gender than the portion of the year the men are at sea, the incredible odds they won’t come back.

(They’ve rather flipped that scenario.

“How much cross-stitch will you do do fill up the void of my absences, she chided him. “They say the old sailor’s wives used to knit lace from the white froth of the sea.” Nowadays Wealthy Kerch women waiting for their husbands to come home tended to stick to knitting hats and scarves for orphans. So saints-damned many hats and socks, and yet you could still scarcely move for the number of bare-headed, barefoot orphans come winter. It was one of Ketterdam’s greatest mysteries.

“Inej,” Kaz sayid, eyes closed, genuine concern cutting his voice. Ever more she was picking up a sailor’s sense of gallows humour.)

---

They exchanged rings at the registry. Inej’s was a simple band, no gemstones but she suspected it was solid gold. Inside was etched a wave pattern, an endless strip of open sea.

Wearing it on her finger meant something, soo she looped it onto a sturdy chain that she hid between her shirt and her beating heart. That seemed appropriate, doable. Young sailors often took the bracelets and handkerchiefs of their sweethearts out to sea as good luck tokens; Inej had a gold wedding band.

Kaz’s fingers brushed the chain in the warm dip between neck and collar as he said goodbye to her on the docks, and after she nodded infinitesimally, telling him to go on, finish this chapter of the story, he slowly pulled up the rest of the chain and found the band.

“I thought-” he said, but she looked him in the eyes, square as she could, and he halted. She doesn’t know what he thought.

“There was not and is not and will probably me a different man for me than you, Kaz Brekker.

He swallowed thickly and then slowly lifted her skin-warmed band to his lips, even though he did not believe in luck, had said he believed in nothing but her.

---

The Kerch don’t have seperate words for “husband’ and “man.”

---

“Mijn mann,” she says in response to the curious looks her crew gives her after the band slips free during repair work, and it doesn’t feel like anything more or less than the truth.

“Mijn mann,” she says tacitly when border authorities raise their eyebrows in suspicion at her Kerch passport.

“Mijn mann,” she begins her letters back to him. “Dearest Inej,” his come back, sometimes even “Loveliest Inej,” but he never uses a possessive pronoun form.

---

Having any kind of passport, official documentation, feels alien and strange. She comes from a people without a land, and for her entire childhood they Suli were denied any official documentation of Ravkan citizenship. That’s changing now, but many are still wary, and with very good reason to be.

---

The quick bureaucratic sketch to mark Vrouw Inej Rietveld as a Seetsen Van Det Kerchrepublik, looked absolutely nothing like the drawings on the three individual sets of national wanted posters that keep cropping up in seedy port cities. Absolutely none of the above get her nose right.

“I look white in this one,” she said, holding a particularly egregious example up to Aigerim, who commiserate mightily. “Look how fucking straight this nose is. No eyebrows.”

Hitting the nose furnishes very fun target practice for when her fingers itch to throw knives.

Inej wins a lot of games of darts in a lot of seamy seaside pubs tucked into a lot of different gritty port cities.

---

They dock in Pijl before Ketterdam to catch their breath and do repairs. Ketterdam’s a good place for business and to look for secrets and plan strategy but a shite location to re-sew a sail or patch up a wall, unless you like replacing your supplies every time they’re stolen. The prices of grain and barrels of water and apples are lower are lower closer to the fields as well, even if that involves bartering loudly in a Centraalmarket that smells like spilled cider and pig shit, straw crunching underfoot, rather than the hallowed halls of the Exchange.

It takes her three days to come down with the evil hybrid chest cold-stomache flu of her fucking life. Ameera shoves her back into bed with ginger tea and another blanket. The thing they don’t tell you about awesome pirate ships with awesome international crews is that you also get the full spectrum of awesome international germs.

By the fourth day, she’s putting on all three of her coats and stuffing a wad of kruge and her passport into a pocket to visit the clinic in town.

---

Other people seem to register this whole being-married business than Inej ever does. She just prefers the expedited customs lines.

The splotchy faced, matronly woman at the clinic sits her on a paper-covered table and reads through a list of questions on a clipboard. Nian loves the lab smell of pure alcohol, would probably dab it on as perfume if she could, but Inej only associates it with injury, with being patched and stitched up after a bad scrape, with the white-coated doctor who came in every two weeks to swab Tante Heleen’s girls for disease, with the brown bottle of the stuff she uses to clean blood and worse off of her knives.

“Family history of pulmonary infections?” the woman asks her. “Smoking, alcohol, jurda use?” Every question makes her squirm slightly, as if in the historyof her wheezing lunghs is some sin she’s committed and will only now find out about. Nejn, nejn, nejn. Inej forgot how much she hated being looked at.

No grisha in her family that she knows of- scribble scribble scribble- but a lot of bad eyesight.

“When was the last time you had intimate relations with your husband?” the woman asks bluntly, and that’s the question that knocks the air out from her. The woman’s thin yellow eyebrow quirks up, but Inej manages to disguise her gasp as a particularly bad fit of hacking. She knows its nothing but a bit of intrusive medical questioning, but words can have many meanings and the answers to questions can be both yes and no at the same time and a certain turn of phrase can punch like a fist and cut like a knife. So she just says “six months ago,” and gives the woman her answer for the write-up.

“Long time.”

“He’s a sailor. I cry as I wait for him to return to me.”

“Ghezen’s speed that he does.”

---

She isn’t quite sure the Kerch even believe in Ghezen as anything beyond a bit of window-dressing to their financial affairs and the punchlien to jokes. Not like she honours her saints, the small painted icon of Sankta Inej she also keeps next to her heart, her daily prayers in the dark comfort her her room. She stands with Merjan, one of her crewmates, at the grave of Sankta Mahari, Queen of Mercy and Patroness of the Lost as they read the ancient prayers together, their voices settling into the steadiness of bees. Our queen, protector of our people, give us mercy, pray for peace, pray for us, pray to bring light to the shadows of the things we have done.

Sankta Anastasia, Sankt Dmitri, Sankta Mahari, she whispers into her knuckles, her fingers moving along the prayer rope with the decisive snapping of wooden beats, pray for our safety in the storm and bring us to the shore.

---

If Inej has found her own name, written with a familar jagged hand, among the prayer-knots tied to the Zentzbridge in a plea of mercy from the sea, she will not mention it.

---

Ketterdam is ugly and bright and familiear. You can smell the rotting flesh and beer smell before you see the smoky smudge of the city on the horizon. The crew makes quick work of unfolding the grishaworked official three-flying-fish flag that gives them clearance to enter the harbour without having their decks searched by the council of tides and carefully docks at Berth 22. Considering that the berths are now being numbered out into the two-hundereds, its a plum location, but its also damn close to the action, meaning that she can already see the glimmer of plastic beads floating on the water, the dark smudges of drunkards bobbing along. A few of the crew memebrs are going to get their pockets picked right off the bat. Inej already has a slush fund tucked away for precisily this reason. She’s getting better at this, she hopes, being a leader. Predicting what will happena dn why and when. Being someone that other people- many younger and more vulnerable than her- can rely on.

“AIGERIM,” she screams as she buttons up her city coat, “only two of thsoe pink trinks with the paper umbrellas MAXIMUM. You hear me?”

“Yeah, boss.”

She sighs. She doesn’t want to be anyone’s boss. “If there’s anything like what happened with the canal and the Stadwatch last time happens again, I think I’ll find the decks need a good scrubbing.”

Aigerim gestures wildly. “Course, boss..”

She tries to take deep rbeaths to calm her nerves. Maybe she’s becoming a worried old crone forty years early, but she’s the one who survived this hellhole of a city. She’s the one who survived this far. In this world, twenty-three is a badge of honour.

---

He cuts a familar figure on the docks. THey each have their own webs now, know of each other’s doings three or four times removed, like recognising a faovrite drinking song on it’s third round of translation. The recognition of a familiar trick, hand, murder method. Kaz will read in a news paper of a mysterious storm that’s tripled the price of indigo and sweet-wood fans after a whole line of ships went missing off the Southern Pelagic Reefs and Inej will hear in a greasy Kaelish bar about the shocking downfall of an old Kerch trading family and they will each smile, privately, and admire the other’s handiwork.

But seeing him in person is something altogether different, and she still rushes over the slats of the quay, coat streaming behind her, stopping abruptly when she comes to him. They pause there for a second and then he lifts his arms and they wrap themselves together around each other, hesitantly but then warmly, firmly, sturdy as a sailor’s knot and with all the inevitability of the sea wearing stone to sand.

“I’ve missed you, Wraith,” he says into her hair and she shrugs into him, her head level with his chest. His chin rests neatly on her head now, if he leans down slighlty, and she swears that wasnt the case the first time they embraced, the first time she left Ketterdam. He denies that the Ice Court, Van Eyck, all that happened while he was a boy not finished with growing. Yet she herself’s tried on that first Wraith outfit- a costume of sorts, really, how different was it from the Scarab Queen’s glass-bead veil in the third act of the Komedie Brute- to find it no longer fit, that she couldn’t easily do up the buttons on the front. She has more of a woman’s set of curves to her hips and long, hard-earned muscles on her legs and thighs, and even if she is creating some new kind of legend it is under her own name now.

Sometimes, Ketterdam feels like that too-small jacket; it cannot fit the woman she’s becoming. So she sews herself a new coat from the fabric of the world.

“Mijn mann,” she says, because she likes the way his body flinches and then stills under her fingers with those words, sharp and unexpected as any knife. “I’ve missed you too.”

[entamewitchlulu]

so i did a reading challenge this year and i wanna talk about what i read

transcription under the cut

i did Popsugar 2019 and wanna talk about what i read:  Book Reccs and Anti-Reccs 

1.) Becoming a Movie in 2019: Umbrella Academy (vol 1) by Gerard Way and Gabriel Ba

4/5. A fascinating take on superpowers, dysfunctional families, and the apocalypse. Can get pretty gory, confusing here and there and you have to pay close attention to panels for lore, but overall an entertaining romp.

2.) Makes you Feel Nostalgic: Circles in the Stream by Rachel Roberts

4/5. Middle grade novel about the magic of music, belief, and of course, friendship. Definitely written for kids, and has some unfortunately clumsy Native rep, but overall an absolute joy to dive into once again.

3.) Written by a Musician: Umbrella Academy (vol 2) by Gerard Way and Gabriel Ba

4/5. Ramps up the confusion to ridiculous degrees with some absolutely bonkers, unexplained arcs, but still fun to watch this dysfunctional family do its dysfunctional thing.

4.) You Think Should be Turned into a movie: All That Glitters by Rachel Roberts

4/5. Continuation of Circles in the Stream, but with more unicorns, more rainbows, and more fae, which makes it automatically even better than the first.

5.) With At Least 1 Mil. Ratings on Goodreads: 1984 by George Orwell   

1/5. I understand why it's important and all but wasn't prepared for some of the more graphic scenes and the overall hopelessness of the message.  Would not recommend or read again.

6.) W/ a Plant in the title or cover: The secret of Dreadwillow carse by Brian farrey

5/5. A fantasy world where everyone is always happy, save for one girl and the princess, who set out to solve the mystery of their kingdom. Poignant and great for kids and adults.

7.) Reread of a favorite: Cry of the Wolf by Rachel Roberts

4/5. Yet another installment in the Avalon: Web of Magic series, which clearly I am obsessed with.  Please just read them.

8.) About a Hobby: Welcome to the Writer's Life by Paulette Perhach

5/5. A welcome kick in the pants, chock full of great advice told without condescension, and full of hope and inspiration for writers both new and old.

9.) Meant to read in 2018: The Poet x by Elizabeth Acevedo  

4/5. Absolutely beautiful coming of age novel told in verse.  Do yourself a favor and listen to the audiobook version.

10.) w/ "pop," "sugar," or "challenge" in the title: Black Sugar by Miguel Bonnefoy

2/5. I think maybe I just don't understand this genre.  Or maybe the translation was weird. I was confused.  

11.) w/ An Item of Clothing or Accessory on the cover: Our dreams at Dusk by Yuhki Kamatani

4/5. It had a lot more slurs/homophobia than I was prepared for, but otherwise is a very touching, relatable collection of queer characters living in a heteronormative world.

12.) Inspired by Mythology or Folklore: Ravenous by MarcyKate Connolly

3/5. A girl goes on an impossible quest to save her brother from a child-eating witch. Really wanted to like it more because I loved the first one, Monstrous, but it dragged a little.

13.) Published Posthumously: The Islands of Chaldea by Diana Wynne Jones

3/5. I adore Diana Wynne Jones, but this one was missing some of the magic of her other books. Not sure if it was because it had to be finished by someone else, or if I just grew out of her stories.

14.) Set in Space: Binti by Nnedi Okorafor

4/5. Powerfully written story of a girl straddling tradition and innovation, who wields power through mathematical magic, surviving on a spaceship alone with a dangerous alien occupation after everyone else has been killed.

15.) By 2 Female Authors: Burn for Burn by Jenny Han and Siobhan Vivian

2/5. Ostensibly a story about a revenge pact in a small island town, but leaves far too many dangling threads to attempt alluring you to the sequel.

16.) W/ A Title containing "salty," "bitter," "Sweet," or "Spicy": The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith  

3/5. It's okay but I literally just never know what anyone means at any time. Are they being reticent on purpose or do i just not understand communication

17.) Set in scandinavia: Vinland Saga by Makoto Yukimura

2/5. Technically and historically accurate and well made, but the story itself is not my cup of tea.  Very gory.

18.) Takes Place in a Single Day: Long WAy Down by Jason Reynolds

4/5. A boy goes to avenge his murdered brother, but ghostly passengers join him on the elevator ride down. Stunning and powerful character-driven analysis.

19.) Debut Novel: Nimona by Noelle Stevenson

4/5. Charming and then surprisingly heart-breaking comic about Nimona, a shapeshifter who wants to become a villain's minion. Really love the villain/hero dynamic going on in the background, along with the dysfunctional found family.

20.) Published in 2019: The Book of Pride by Mason Funk  

4/5. A collection of interviews with the movers, shakers, and pioneers of the queer and LGBTQ+ community.  An absolutely essential work for community members and allies alike.

21.) Featuring an extinct/imaginary creature: Phoebe and her Unicorn by Dana Simpson

4/5. Incredibly charming, Calvin and Hobbes-esque collection of comics featuring the adventures of Phoebe and her unicorn best friend.

22.) Recced by a celebrity you admire: The Emerald Circus by Jane Yolen

2/5. Recced by my fave author Brandon Sanderson. An unfortunately disappointing anthology proving that any story can be made uninteresting by telling the wrong section of it.

23.) With "Love" in the Title: Book Love by Debbie Tung

4/5. One of those relatable webcomics, only this one I felt super hard almost the entire time.  Books are awesome and libraries rule.

24.) Featuring an amateur detective: Nancy Drew: Palace of Wisdom by Kelly Thompson

4/5. REALLY love this modern take on Nancy Drew, coming back home to her roots to solve a brand new mystery. Diverse cast and lovely artwork, though definitely more adult.

25.) About a family: Amulet by Kabu Kibuishi

4/5. Excellent, top tier graphic novel about a sister and brother who have to go rescue their mother with a mysterious magic stone. LOVE that the mom gets to be involved in the adventure for once.

26.) by an author from asia, Africa, or s. America: Girls' Last tour by Tsukumizu

4/5. Somehow both light-hearted and melancholy. Two girls travel about an empty, post-apocalyptic world, and muse about life and their next meal.

27.) w/ a Zodiac or astrology term in title: Drawing down the moon by margot adler

3/5. A good starting place for anyone interested in the Neo Pagan movement, but didn't really give me what I was personally looking for.

28.) you see someone reading in a tv show or movie: The Promised NEverland by Kaiu Shirai

4/5. I don't watch TV or movies where people read books so i think reading an adaptation of a TV series after watching the series counts. Anyway it was good but beware racist caricatures

29.) A retelling of a classic: Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy by Rey Terciero

5/5. We can stop the Little Women reboots and retellings now, this is the only one we need. In fact, we can toss out the original too, this is the only one necessary.

30.) w/ a question in the title: So I'm a spider, so what? by Asahiro Kakashi

4/5. Cute art despite the subject matter, and a surprisingly enthralling take on the isekai genre. Love the doubling down on the video game skills.

31.) Set in a college or university campus: Moonstruck (vol 2) by Grace Ellis

2/5. An incredibly cute, beautiful, and fascinating world of modern magic and creatures, but unfortunately falls apart at the plot and pacing.

32.) About someone with a superpower: Moonstruck (vol 1) by Grace Ellis

4/5. Though nearly as messy plot-wise as its sequel, the first volume is overwhelmingly charming in a way that overpowers the more confusing plot elements.

33.) told from multiple povs: The Long way to a Small, Angry Planet by becky Chambers

4/5. Told almost in a serial format, like watching a miniseries, a group of found-family spaceship crew members make the long journey to their biggest job ever.

34.) Includes a wedding: We Set the dark on fire by Tehlor kay mejia

4/5. Timely and poignant, a girl tumbles into both love and resistance after becoming one of two wives to one of the most powerful men in the country.

35.) by an author w/ alliterative name: The only harmless great Thing by brooke bolander

3/5. Much deeper than I can currently comprehend.  Beautifully written, but difficult to parse.

36.) A ghost story: Her body and other parties by Carmen Maria Machado

4/5.  It counts because one of the stories in it has ghosts. A sometimes difficult collection of surrealist, feminist, queer short stories.

37.) W/ a 2 word title: Good omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

4/5. Charming, touching, and comical, probably the best take on the apocalypse to date. Also excellent ruminations on religion and purpose.

38.) based on a true story: The faithful Spy by John Hendrix

4/5. Brilliantly crafted graphic biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and his assistance in fighting back against Nazi Germany.

39.) Revolving around a puzzle or game: the Crossover by Kwame alexander

4/5. The verse didn't always hit right with me, but the story is a sweet, melancholy one about family, loss, and moving on.

40.) previous popsugar prompt (animal in title): The last unicorn by peter s. Beagle

5/5. Absolutely one of my all-time favorite books, it manages to perfectly combine anachronism and comedy with lyricism, melancholy, and ethereal beauty.

41.) Cli-fi: Tokyo Mew Mew by Mia ikumi and Reiko Yoshida

4/5. Shut up it counts

42.) Choose-your-own-adventure: My Lady's choosing by Kitty curran

3/5. Cute in concept, a bit underwhelming in execution. Honestly, just play an otome.

43.) "Own Voices": Home by Nnedi Okorafor

3/5. The storytelling style was definitely not my style; while the first book was slow, too, it felt more purposeful. I found my attention wandering during this installment.

44.) During the season it's set in: Pumpkinheads by rainbow rowell

3/5. Cute art, but precious little substance.  The concept simply wasn't for me in the first place.

45.) LITRPG: My next life as a villainess: All routes lead to doom! by Hidaka nami

5/5. An absolute insta-fave! Charming art, endearing characters, an incredible premise, and so much sweet wholesome fluff it'll give you cavities.

46.) No chapters: The field guide to dumb birds of north america by matt kracht

3/5. It started out super strong, but the joke started to wear thin at a little past the halfway point.

47.) 2 books with the same title: Unfollow by Megan Phelps-Roger

4/5. A brave and enduring personal story of growing up in and eventually leaving the Westboro Baptist Church. Really called to me to act with grace and kindness even more in the future.

48.) 2 books with the same title: unfollow by rob williams and michael dowling

1/5. How many times do you think we can make Battle Royale again before someone notices

49.) That has inspired a common phrase or idiom: THe Outsiders by S.E. Hinton

4/5. Definitely good and deserves it's praise as something that pretty much revolutionized and created an entire demographic of literature.

50.) Set in an abbey, cloister, Monastery, convent, or vicarage: Murder at the vicarage by agatha christie

3/5. I just cannot. physically keep up with all of these characters or find the energy to read between the lines.

ok that's all i got, what did y'all read and like this year?  (oh god it’s gonna be 2020)

[scotianostra]

June 24th 1314 saw the second day of The Battle of Bannockburn.

Just before dawn, Bruce’s men heard mass and broke their fast. The king then knighted several men, among them James Douglas and young Walter Stewart. The Scots then formed up in three schiltroms and made their way down through the steep slope of Balquhidderock Wood. Once at the bottom, they stood, facing the English in their three divisions: the left flank commanded by Randolph, earl of Moray, the right schiltrom by Douglas and Stewart, and the centre by Bruce himself. All but one of the chronicles said that Bruce led this division from the front, the other (The Brus) opts for four schiltrons, the fourth commanded by Edward Bruce but it must be noted that none of the other accounts even mention him (maybe he was fighting by the side of his brother in the centre).

The order of battle of Edward II’s troops is one of the most confusing details, as there are various options, some of which make more sense than others. It must be remembered that Edward was not expecting a full battle to take place that morning, as that would be almost unheard of from Bruce. There was always the chance of a night attack or some sort of raid on part of the English army, but certainly nothing as serious as a pitched battle. He also expected to march north to Stirling Castle, probably following the line of the Carse and most likely in a similar battle order to how he marched north on the Roman Road.

However, we have no idea of how his troops were camped on the Carse that night, and I think that that may have a bearing on how his divisions were, or were not, aligned to Bruce’s attack. Many historians have thought that Edward had his army already formed up facing west and Balquhidderock Wood, with some of his archers in front of the cavalry and the rest behind (in other words the archers in front were impeding the cavalry whilst those in the rear were too far away to be effective). No medieval army had ever arrayed itself thus and even if Edward was fool enough to do so (which he wasn’t), he had plenty of experienced veterans from the Scottish wars as generals who would have advised otherwise.

The chronicles are annoyingly vague about this point, but the Brus does offer an interesting clue. It states that the English divisions were ‘together in a schiltrom’. In other words, one large division, not anything like an orderly Edwardian army drawn up ready for battle. Some make the conclusion that Edwards army was lined up, in a wide formation, facing north for the march to Stirling. Looking at this from the Scottish position, it may have looked like the troops were in a line, in one schiltrom. As for the archer being in the front and rear – if the English had been formed up facing north, the archers would have been on the flanks as usual, so that when Bruce attacked from the left, it was the archers who were in the front line.

According to the Bruce, Edward’s first astonished reaction was to remark to one of his most experienced knights, Sir Ingram Umfraville: ‘What, are yon Scots going to fight?’Umfraville, who knew Scottish tactics better than most answered that they were, although the prospect was rather astonishing. He added: ‘But if you listen to my advice, you will easily beat them. Pull back suddenly from here, with divisions and with pennons, until we pass our tents, and you will see quite quickly that they will break rank, despite their lords, and scatter to take our equipment. And when we see them scattered like that, gallop on them fiercely and we will have them quite easily, for none will be closely arrayed to fight who could withstand your impact.’

We will never know whether those were wise words or not as Edward chose to ignore his advice, stating: ‘Indeed I will not do that. For nobody is going to say that I shall avoid battle, or [that I] withdrew for such a rabble.’ Once again, the ideal of chivalric bravery over-rode common sense.

The Scots advanced a little more into the field and, as the English watched, dumbfounded, knelt to pray. Once again The Brus describes the scene, this is one of my favourite lines from Barbour’s epic telling:

And when the English King had sight of them kneeling, he said at once, ‘Yon folk are kneeling to ask mercy.’ Sir Ingram said, ‘You are right this time; they ask for mercy, but not from you. The ask God [for mercy] for their sins.’

The first men to engage each other on that day were the archers. The English archers were already in the front line, and they were able to shot off their arrows at the pikemen while the Scottish archers replied in kind. This shooting match went on for a little while, no doubt giving the English army time to try and organise themselves into some form of battle order. Then the Scottish archers retreated behind the schiltrom lines. Any hope the English had of Bruce’s men retreating vanished as the three schiltroms started to march forward towards the English lines. What happened next seemed to have happened very quickly: Douglas, sensing that the Scottish lines were at the point of closing off any westward escape from the Carse pressed forward a little faster. The English were about to be caught like rats in a trap, the once reassuring Bannockburn and Pelstream now forming a muddy barrier behind them.

Maybe the earl of Gloucester was the first to see the danger, or maybe he was still furious about the charge of cowardice levelled at him by his king. Kicking his spurs, he urged the vanguard forward towards the leading schiltrom led by Douglas. Douglas’s men, as they had been trained to do, stopped, anchored the ends of their pikes in the ground, and waited. Having outrode his escort, Gloucester was one of the first knights to fall victim to the ‘dense forest’ of pikes. His horse, mortally wounded, threw him off and landed on him and, before his men could reach him, he had been killed. Many historians maintain that he was killed, rather than captured for a huge ransom, because he was not wearing a surcoat bearing his coat of arms. Even if this had been the case, his horse would still have been caparisoned with his colours, and the quality of his armour and destrier would have marked him out as someone worth ransoming. It is far more likely that he was either killed by a pike during the first clash, or by the fall from his horse. Or else the Scots had been ordered not to take any prisoners during the actual battle.

Seeing Douglas’s success, the schiltroms of the earl of Moray and Bruce also pressed forward towards King Edward’s centre battalion, which had now finally got itself into some sort of attacking formation.

I shall finish this post later with some drawings of how historians think the formations looked as the battle commenced. 

[woah-were-halfway-there]

Along For The Ride: New Years Day

A/N: Rewritten as Carson hehehe

Word Count: 4.7k

“Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you.”

January 1, 2017

With one final glance at herself in the mirror, Carson knew she was ready. Or so she thought.

Although she’d attended many Leafs games before, and realistically, this one taking place outside at BMO Field was no different, Carson was insanely nervous for some reason. The Centennial Classic was a big deal. So many people would be attending and tuning in for it, and she was excited, sure. But that excitement quickly turned into nerves as she was leaving Auston's condo the day before, on the morning of New Year's Eve, after she drunkenly crashed there, and he asked if she would go to the game as a plus one of his.

Usually, Carson would try to convince herself that his asking her to be there meant nothing out of the ordinary, seeing as the two of them were such good friends. But the fact that he knew she was already going to be there cheering on her cousin and his team but proceeded to ask if she could be there for him instead made Carson aware that Auston's gesture maybe wasn't entirely platonic. And that was terrifying to her.

What scared her the most was that she wasn't mad it was happening but didn't know how things would play out. Carson liked having a plan, but she was walking in blindly in this situation. But, of course, she did that a lot when it came to Auston, which wasn't necessarily bad either.

"Carse, are you ready yet?" Carson heard her brother, Nate, call from somewhere down the hallway of her dad's house, snapping her out of her thoughts. After briefly stopping at her apartment to see Lexie and grab some things, she headed to her family's home in Pickering once Carson had left Auston's the day before.  Spending NYE with her dad, brother and sister, Mya, who was still home from Vancouver for another two days, was a tradition. The four of them didn't get too crazy. They just hung out and played board games all night. It was also Nate's birthday, so it all worked out nicely. "We're going to be late."

"Give me a sec. I'm almost ready," Carson snapped back at him, rolling her eyes. "Geez, you're more impatient than Mya."

"I heard that," the middle Bailey sibling yelled from what Carson assumed was her bedroom, making her laugh as she heard Mya stomp down the hall towards the washroom, then pause once she stood in the doorway and met her sister’s gaze in the mirror's reflection. Mya looked at Carson briefly, taking in her Marner jersey and Leafs beanie. But what really grabbed Mya’s attention was the perfect waves Carson’s hair was in that she knew her sister would've spent too much time trying to perfect, as well as the way her lashes were longer and her lips were redder than they usually were. "The fuck you mean you're 'almost ready?' You look hot as hell. Who are you trying to impress, though?"

"No one!" Carson screeched and whipped around to face her, unable to hide the blush that instantly started burning across her cheeks. "I just felt like dressing up a little bit."

"Yeah, right. Or you could just admit that you're trying to catch the eye of a certain hockey player."

Carson gasped slightly at that, wondering how Mya would assume that because she hadn't really talked to her about Auston. But then, she remembered someone who knew about Auston and had even met him.

"Nathan!"

"Yes?" Nate asked, sounding innocent while peeking around the doorframe and giving Mya a knowing look.

"Stay out of my business," Carson told him firmly. "And stop trying to bring Mya into it too."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Can't prove it," he replied with a shrug, as Mya started laughing. "Besides, Carson, we all know you wouldn't put this much effort into your appearance for just anyone. Look at those lashes! Damn girl."

"I will now be passing away, thank you," Carson replied, pushing her way between her two siblings so she could head to the front door and get ready to leave.

"At least that sped her up," Mya mumbled, which made her sister scoff.

"Dad!" Carson called out, knowing her father was in the kitchen making coffee. "Control your children, please?"

"Hey, you're the one that decided to let Nate take your other ticket to the Classic," he responded before coming into view as he sipped from the steaming mug he was holding. "You brought this on yourself."

"And I regret it immensely."

"Hurtful," Nate whined as he began putting his things on too. "Glad I won't sit with you while you have that attitude."

“Whatever,” Carson groaned as she opened the door and gestured for Nate to hurry up. “Let’s goooo, Nathan.”

It was about a 35-minute drive to BMO field, which Nate drove for. He was still flexing the fact that he could legally drive on his own even though he had just turned 17, and he blared Mr. Brightside at least three times before Carson forcibly changed the song.

Once the two arrived and got the car parked, Nate stood in line with Carson at the box office to pick up the ticket Auston had texted her about that morning, saying they would be waiting for her. After getting the ticket, Carson and Nate went through the gates without problems. Carson was about to text Steph to let her know she was there, but then she heard Steph’s voice yelling her name before being tackled in a hug.

"Happy New Year!" Steph greeted happily, then pulled away to pull Nate in for a quick hug and wished him a happy belated birthday before looking back at Carson. "Are you excited?"

"I, uh, I guess," Carson replied, noticing that Steph was oddly more cheerful than usual. "I mean, I'm sure it'll be a really good game, and watching it outside will be cool."

With the look Steph gave Carson after saying that, she knew Steph wasn't referring to just the game. But, before either of them could say anything else, another girl with blonde hair, who Carson recognized and knew she followed on Instagram but hadn't gotten the chance to get to know a whole lot unless it was in passing, that was standing nearby, cleared her throat and spoke up.

"Steph, maybe you should give her the bag," she said, chuckling as she smiled at Carson.

"Oh, right!" Steph responded as she reached into the large black shoulder bag she carried. "Carse, you've met Sydney, right? She's dating Matt Martin."

"I definitely have, at some point," Carson smiled back. "Hi, Sydney. This is my brother, Nate."

"Ah, another one of Mitchy's cousins," Sydney laughed after saying hi to Nate, then looked back at Carson. "I hear you're sitting with us today."

"I am?"

"Yes!" Steph exclaimed, then handed Carson a plastic bag she pulled out of her purse. "And it has been requested that you wear this. Okay, not requested, but I was asked to give it to you. So, here you go. I think you should wear it."

Carson looked at Steph and Sydney unsurely as she took the bag. Inside was a Leafs Centennial Classic jersey, which she was confused about since she was already wearing one. Then she saw 34 embroidered into the sleeve and knew what it meant. However, the jersey wasn't the only thing in the bag either; there was a small piece of paper with something written on it.

Can’t wait to see you after the game.

- Auston. X

The other three observed Carson for a moment, then gave each other a look as she began smiling like an idiot and very obviously kept reading the note repeatedly. Nate then silently mouthed to Steph, asking what the letter said, but she just shrugged because she didn't even know it was in the bag. So, in typical Nate fashion, he took it upon himself to glance over Carson’s shoulder and read what the note said.

"Awe, that's sweet," he said, making Carson jump as she quickly spun around to face him.

"What did I just say about you staying out of my business?" She snapped at him but couldn't be too mad because his actions were harmless. He was just happy to see his sister happy.

"But you make it so easy!"

"Whatever."

"You know I'm just messing," he replied before nudging her with his elbow. "I wonder what Mitchy is going to think about that jersey."

Carson’s face physically paled at that as she was reminded of how she still hadn't talked to Mitch about anything Auston related yet. Of course, she did not try to avoid telling him she liked Mitch’s teammate and friend. But Carson didn't know how even to approach it. She still didn't completely understand what was happening between her and number 34.

"Wait, Carson. I didn't mean that in a bad way or to stress you out. Ah, fuck."

"It's alright," she told her brother honestly, shaking her head to clear her thoughts. "It just makes me want to figure everything out more. That way, I can talk to Mitchy."

Nate sighed at that. He was aware that it was common for him to speak without thinking things through, and this just so happened to be one of those times. Although Carson had yet to admit that she started kind of seeing her ex, Chris, again, Nate knew. He knew she’d gone over to see him during Christmas, but much to everyone's surprise, he was trying to stay out of it. Staying out of it was particularly hard for Nate because he loathed Chris. Their entire family did. But, deep down, he knew Carson would know her worth and hopefully not take Chris’ shit for very long again. Nate also told his family he thought Auston was helping her realize that.

Carson didn't know that Nate and Mya also knew she stayed at Auston's during the night she went out for Lexie's birthday because the following morning, Chris showed up at their dad's house with a few of her things. He wanted to talk to Carson and knew she’d be there at some point that day because it was Nate's birthday, but her siblings did not have it. After learning that she told Chris to stay out of her life again, they reiterated that and told him not to bother coming around when Carson did get there later that afternoon, or ever.

After talking to Chris, then Mitch and Lexie, it wasn't hard for Nate and Mya to piece together that their sister was with Auston. They also knew that Mitch didn't know exactly where she was, but they were glad Auston could help Carson through everything they could've imagined happening at the bar that night with her ex. Carson’s siblings also knew that her being with Auston would make her worry about what Mitch would think. It was not Nate's intention to bring that up the way he did, and he started feeling bad about it.

"Carse," he started, trying to apologize again but was quickly cut off by his sister.

"I mean it, Nate, it's fine. It's time that I start figuring things out. But today, I want just to enjoy the game and not worry about it."

Nate smiled, then glanced at Steph and Sydney, patiently waiting for Carson.

"Good," he said. "Go enjoy the game and chill. You deserve it."

"Thanks, kid," Carson smiled at her brother and then started walking towards the other girls. "I'll see you later!"

She then joined Steph and Sydney, soon overcome with excitement again.

"It was nice meeting you, Nate. We'll take good care of her," Sydney promised as she linked arms with Carson and started guiding her toward the stadium. "Are you going to put the jersey on?"

"Yeah," Carson said with a smile as she tucked Auston's letter into her coat pocket. "I think I will."

"Love it! Okay, let's find you a place to change. But, wait, where's Steph?"

The two spun around to see Steph standing near Nate and looked at her curiously.

"You guys go. I'll catch up in a minute," she said as she waved Carson and Sydney off.

She was up to something, and Carson knew it, but instead of questioning her, Carson just gave her a look before continuing with Sydney to search for a washroom to change in. Once Carson and Sydney were further away, Steph turned to face Nate again and smiled.

"Don't worry about Mitch," she told him. "Carson does not need to worry either. From what I can see, she and Auston really like each other, and Nate, he is so good to her. You can see how much he genuinely cares about her just by watching the two of them together. He planned that whole jersey thing, then asked me to give it to her, and I know it will mean a lot to him that she's wearing it. Auston was also the one that made sure she was safe after the whole ordeal that happened with Chris the other night."

"You're really hyping him up, Steph," Nate chuckled but still listened to everything she had to say.

"You know that if I didn't think he was worth the hype, I wouldn't be saying any of this," she stated. "Your sister is one of my best friends and, on top of it, my boyfriend's cousin—his twin. I care about her just like I care about all of you guys, and if I didn't think Auston had good intentions when it came to her, you all would know. So I will tell Mitch this same thing, but Carse has to be ready to have that conversation first."

"I think you're right. It might be a little weird for Mitch at first, but he cares about Carson too much to actually get upset over this. And I think Carse might've forgotten that too, which is why she's so worried."

"Exactly. It’ll all work out. But anyway, I should find those two. Enjoy the game, and say hi to your dad and Mya for me! I'll see you with Mitch’s family afterwards."

"Will do. See ya, Steph."

~*~

After the girls got to their seats and the game started, Carson was introduced to many other women, all married or dating Leafs players. Like how she sort of knew Sydney, Carson recognized a lot of the women too, just from being at games with Steph and the odd party or get-together both she and Mitch insisted that Carson went over to their place for.

Carson felt out of place. She wasn't a Leafs player's significant other. Sure, she was cheering on her cousin and the guy who wanted her to be there for him, but did it mean anything more than that? Carson wasn't convinced.

However, everyone Carson met was so sweet and welcomed her with open arms. As a result, she was gradually able to relax and become more comfortable, which both Steph and Sydney played a massive part in.

Any other worries she previously had soon washed away as she turned her focus to the game, which kept her on her toes.

Although the Red Wings scored the game's first goal well into the second period, the Leafs came back in the third and scored four goals. One of which was scored by Mitch and another by Auston. However, by the literal last second of the game, Detroit was able to tie and send it into overtime.

Everyone was on the edge of their seat as OT began. Carson’s heart was pounding as she watched the puck get shot around at each end of the ice, but then she finally felt that weight lifted from her chest as Auston scored the game-winning goal, and the fans went wild.

All of the girls Carson was sitting with jumped up and yelled along with the crowd, pulling each other into hugs, which she was suddenly a part of.

"You know Matts is going to say you wearing his jersey brought him good luck or something cheesy like that, right?" Steph asked Carson teasingly as everyone they were with started heading down from their seats so they could wait for their guys.

"Oh, absolutely he will," Sydney added, making Carson laugh.

"I wouldn't put it past him, that's for sure," Carson responded, shaking her head.

While waiting for the guys, Carson reunited with Nate, her aunt, uncle and cousin, who was also waiting on Mitch.

"Nice jersey," her older cousin Chris teased as she hugged him.    

"Yeah, I've been told that a lot today," Carson replied before greeting Mitch's parents too.

About ten minutes later, some guys from the team started coming out of the locker room and mingling with their loved ones. Carson stood awkwardly for a moment, unable to spot Auston anywhere, and began thinking how he must've been off with his family or something. It made sense that he was busy after an event like that, so she tried to drop it and remind herself that she could talk to him later as she waited for Mitch instead.

However, not long after that, someone tapped on her shoulder, and of course, when she spun around to face them, it was Auston.

"I like your jersey," he greeted cheekily, then pulled her in for a hug, which Carson quickly returned. "Thanks for coming, Carse."

"Thanks for wanting me to be here," she told him before being the first to pull away slightly but noticing how his arms wrapped around her middle. Although it was a foreign gesture, Carson didn't mind it and kept her arms wrapped around his middle as she looked up at him. "Also, congratulations! That was an unreal game, Aus."

"I think it's cause I had a good luck charm here tonight wearing my jersey."

"Steph guessed you would say something like that."

Auston scowled, then let his arms fall to his side once Carson finally broke away from his embrace. "Am I that predictable?"

"Yes, you are," Steph spoke up from where she stood nearby with Mitch and everyone else. Carson hadn’t even noticed that her cousin joined them, but she didn’t miss the confusion on his face when his gaze locked in on her.

"Wait, are you wearing his jersey?" Mitchy scoffed, then looked between Carson and Auston. "Am I missing something?"

"Don't worry about it," Steph told him, then began pulling him in the other direction, giving the rest of Carson’s family a look as if silently pleading for help.

"But-."

"Your teammates are looking for you," Nate explained to Mitch, pushing him away. "Shouldn't keep them waiting."

"Exactly. See ya, Carse!" Chris said, then waved to her as they rounded a corner and disappeared out of sight.

“But why is she with him and wearing his jersey?” Mitch asked in the distance, but his voice gradually became quieter. “Is anyone going to tell me?”

"Dear God," Carson groaned as she finished processing what happened and smacked her hand to her forehead in embarrassment.

"Well, that was interesting," Auston responded, chuckling.

"Mhm, I know I'll get an earful once I see him again."

The two laughed at that, then slowly looked at each other again. Carson waited for Auston to say something else, but unfortunately, he didn't, and she was left awkwardly trying to remove herself from the situation.

"Well, I guess I won't keep you any longer," she started and stepped away from him slightly. "You probably have plans with your family and stuff."

"I do," Auston responded, to which Carson nodded in understanding. "We're supposed to go get dinner once we finish here.”

“I see.”

“Would you like to join?”

"What?"

"Would you like to come to dinner with my family and me?"

"Are you sure?" Carson asked, entirely in disbelief as Auston nodded. "But it's your family…."

"I know," Auston responded. "And I wouldn't have asked you to join if I didn't want you there, Carse. But I understand if you don't want to come. It’s last minute, and you probably have plans and-."

Auston was getting nervous, that much Carson could tell as he trailed off, which sent those butterflies in her stomach into an absolute frenzy once again.

"I'd love to, Auston. You speak so highly of your family. It'll be nice to meet them. I just don't want to intrude or anything."

"You won't be, I promise," Auston confirmed with a massive grin, then gently linking his hand with Carson’s as he began leading her toward a different room. "They're very excited to meet you."

That familiar feeling of anxiety Carson knew so well returned as Auston weaved the two of them through the crowd of people. However, it soon melted away as Auston squeezed her hand to reassure her that he was there and smiled at her over his shoulder. That alone brought Carson a great sense of comfort that she couldn't describe.

A few moments later, they approached four people Carson had never met. Upon first sight, she instantly recognized Auston's parents. Although Carson had never met them, she saw them in the crowd while attending the Leafs' first game of the season against Ottawa back in October. The same night she and Auston also met for the very first time.

Next to them stood two girls who shared many physical similarities to Auston, who Carson couldn't help but assume were his sisters.

She smiled at them, which they all returned, and luckily for her, Auston was quick to speak up again.

"Hey guys, this is Carson," he introduced, still smiling as widely as before. "Carse, these are my parents and sisters, Alex and Bre."

"Hi," Carson greeted as nicely as she could but gradually became shy. "It-."

"It's great to meet you finally!" Auston's mom exclaimed, then pulled Carson in for a hug. "We've heard so much about you. It's nice to put a face to the name."

"Oh! Well, only good things, I hope."

"Great things," one of Auston's sisters, who Carson was pretty sure was Alex, said.

"Yeah, he talks about you a lot," his other sister, Bre, added. "But in a good way. It's nice to meet you officially!"

"Yes, Auston told us you are Mitch's cousin," Auston’s dad explained.

"I am," Carson replied. "That's how the two of us met and became friends in the first place."

"Well, I'm glad it worked out that way," Auston's mom stated, then smiled. Which had Carson smiling, too, as she felt so welcomed by these four people she had just met. "Also, please call me Ema. And this is my husband, Brian."

"It's nice to meet all of you," Carson told them. "I’ve also heard a lot about you guys from Auston too. But, honestly, I was a little nervous when Auston said he wanted to bring me to meet you all.”

“Hopefully, we’re not as intimidating as he may have made us out to be,” Alex said.

“Not at all,” Carson responded truthfully. “Thank you for inviting me to tag along for dinner."

"It's our pleasure," Brian responded. "Speaking of which, we should probably get going before we're late for the reservation."

Everyone nodded in agreement before looking around to make sure they had all of their things. As they did that, Carson felt Auston reach for her hand and give it another reassuring squeeze.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Absolutely," Carson replied confidently, excited to see how the night would go. Auston didn't respond to that. Instead, he smiled again then the two of them headed to the parking lot, still holding hands until they got to his car.

Dinner with Auston's family went much better than Carson could've imagined. His family were some of the loveliest people she had ever met, and she loved that she was getting to know them.

It made Auston ridiculously happy seeing how well Carson and his family got along immediately. Carson didn't take long warming up to them, became comfortable talking about herself, and paid attention to everything Auston’s family told her. Dinner went amazingly to him, and during it, Auston found himself resting his hand on Carson’s knee where she sat next to him at the table, then began rubbing soft circles with his thumb. As he did this, he subtly glanced at her, looking for any indication that she wanted him to stop because if she did, he would. To his surprise, though, Carson welcomed what he was doing and then responded by gently placing her hand on top of his as she continued talking to Bre about golf.

After dinner, they all returned to Auston’s condo to play board games and hang out. Once they all completed a couple of rounds of Clue and Scrabble, they watched a movie.

Once the movie ended, Carson hadn't even noticed that she was cuddled right next to Auston. Yes, the two of them started the movie sitting beside each other. Still, she must've shifted to get more comfortable throughout it, resulting in her unintentionally leaning right against him. Carson was surprised he hadn't moved away at all, but once she realized the position she was in, she scrambled away slightly.

Shortly after that, Auston's family left. They each hugged Carson and restated how glad they were to have met her, and Carson felt so warm and fuzzy on the inside. She couldn't have asked for a more perfect day.

Once they were gone out the door, Carson looked to Auston and became very aware of that magnetic feeling that seemingly pulled her towards him all the damn time.

"Thank you for today, Auston," Carson told him. "I really needed a day like this, and I'm glad it was with you."

"I'm glad I could help," Auston replied with a smile, then nothing. Carson slowly felt that magnetic feeling turn into what seemed like an invisible elephant forming between them, which sucked a lot. Maybe it was because she hoped he'd say something more, but she wasn't even sure what she wanted that to be.

"You did," she explained. "A lot. But, uh, I guess I should be going too. It's getting late."

Carson looked at him, waiting for him to respond, but could tell he was considering his words before he spoke again.

"Or you could stay," Auston suggested and stepped towards her.

"Aus-."

"Please, Carse. Stay."

The next thing Carson knew, Auston’s hands were resting on her hips and pushing her until her back touched the wall gently.

Carson didn't know how to respond. She was too focused on how Auston seemingly loomed over her but in the least threatening way possible. When she finally looked directly at him again, his eyes showed so much emotion, and she couldn't think of a way to react. Suddenly, Carson found herself sliding her hands up Auston’s chest, wrapping her arms around the back of his neck and moving to close the already small space between them, then stopped abruptly.

"Shit," she whispered. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have. We shouldn't do this-."

“Do you want to?” Auston cut her off and leaned in closer but halted his movements until she confirmed that what he was about to do was ok. Carson didn’t say anything, just looked at him, then nodded to tell him yes. “Carse, I need you to say it.”

“Yes, Auston.”

Carson didn’t need to say anything else, Auston’s lips were soon crashing against hers, and there was no going back. She opened her mouth to allow him more access, then tangled her hands into his hair as she deepened the kiss. It wasn't long before he lifted her so she could wrap her legs around his waist while he kept her pressed against the wall as they continued heavily making out. That was until Auston was the first to break away.

"Carson," he said, then glanced down at her lips to see how they were already swelling from the lack of contact against them. "Fuck, if you don't tell me to stop, I won't be able to."

"Then don't stop," she replied, leaning in to kiss him again. Auston then started carrying Carson to his bedroom, not once breaking away from her again, and the night soon faded around the two of them together.

[deanmcn]

The man smiled with a pure weariness and a raw struggle. But that was alright, wasn't it ? Now when the other was around, Chico was alright. "I don't think--- I don't feel very well." Hand pressing against his underside trembled, still trying to control the bleed. And why he was always left behind dumpsters ? -- with that thought, Blanco snorted to himself, slowly getting light-headed. Wait a second, who was it again ? Finally, Emmanuel's gaze settled on Igor, welcoming the man once again with a smirk. Oh, he was fine. Right ? "-- Hi... I like your jacket... I stopped them, right ? Did I do a good job ? -- " a pause sealed his lips, before frowning. "Huh? What was that ? -- "

Have some fluff

“ Сука.” he carsed one attacker before hitting him with the baseball bat, with one swing that broke teeth. igor was far too strong for these useless fuckers that decided to attack them out of nowhere. he swings at another and break the wooden bat on their back, it wasn't a fatal blow. grom was careful not to go there and accidentally kill someone. 

Leather jacket was covering his white shirt now and zipper tight, hiding a bloody-red stripe on his chest that sting on his skin and make his white shirt bloody red. he barely growls as he's forced to walk back to check on his friend. “Chico wake up!.” he yanks blanco up on his feet checking him out. “ are ya okay?.”a hand immediately wraps around his neck and tighten his grip, force him to make eye contact.  Did I do a good job?’  that was random...igor mostly done the beating but instead he smils and tell him.“ Yes, yes. good job.”  igor chuckles blood covering his teeth doing so it cause pain shooting through his body and his jacket was visibly soiled with his own blood.

 the cop hurried up to zip his jacket off his body, soaked shirt next, showing the fresh nasty knife scar on the center of his naked chest. “ i will be fine.” he hissed seeing that worried look on chico’s face. “ i will be fine.” he repeated again like he wants the other to believe it. 

[davewakeman]

19 Books You Should Have On Your 2019 Reading List

  I saw an Adam Grant list of books that he suggests you read in 2019 to improve your business.

Nothing against his list, but mine is likely a lot different.

So let me share it with you.

This Is Marketing by Seth Godin: This is at the top of my list of my favorite books of 2018. As a marketer, I think that one of the key ideas you have to keep in mind is that what worked yesterday might not work today. That’s what this book is about, not what used to work in marketing, but what does work in marketing now.

The Excellence Dividend by Tom Peters: Tom Peters is a treasure with his Twitter feed and his books. This book is Tom’s attempt to codify his career’s advice and it still comes back to people and excellence.

The Power of Moments by Chip Heath: This book talks about peak moments and how they are some of your most powerful marketing opportunities.

Thinking In Bets by Annie Duke: This book is about making decisions when you don’t have all the information. In today’s world, we need to keep in mind that we never have all the information and that not having information isn’t an excuse to be able to avoid a decision.

The Ultimate Sales Machine by Chet Holmes: This is an all-encompassing book that talks about strategy, sales, marketing, and a lot more. It isn’t a huge book, but it can have a lot of impact if you do the activities that are spread throughout the book.

The Only Sales Guide You’ll Ever Need by Anthony Iannarino: This is the first book in a trilogy of sales books that Anthony has written over the last three years. In my opinion, it pays to start at the beginning and get the foundation correct.

Spin Selling by Neil Rackham: This is the foundational book for the complex sale. Some of the examples may be outdated or seem too old, but you’ll learn a lot reading this one.

The Trusted Advisor: In today’s world, you have to differentiate yourself to sell. To sell, you have to become a trusted advisor, someone that your prospects and clients listen to and seek out for your insights.

Managing for Results by Peter Drucker: I’m not sure how you could pick just one Peter Drucker book, but this is the one I would point you to as a starter.

The Achievement Habit by Bernard Roth: This book is about applying design thinking to your own career and life. In this book, you’ll learn about taking action.

Finite and Infinite Games by James Carse: There are two kinds of games in life, finite and infinite games. Many of us think we are playing one kind when the other is the one we should be playing.

To Sell Is Human by Daniel Pink: The title says it all.

The 22 Immutable Laws of Marketing by Al Ries and Jack Trout: We like to think that marketing is a mystery and while I will tell you that it is always changing, you still need to know the basics. These are the basics.

Ogilvy on Advertising by David Ogilvy: We live in a time where advertising has become less and less effective. Part of that is definitely due to the amount of noise that is asking for our attention, but part of it is just that most advertising sucks. This book will help you understand what makes good advertising work.

Digital Darwinism by Tom Goodwin: Despite having digital in the title, this is a book about change and how to manage change.

Predatory Thinking by Dave Trott: I wish more Americans knew about Dave Trott because his thinking and writing are really clear and direct. Dave Trott is a copywriter, but just as importantly, he is a storyteller. That comes out in his books, his blog, and anywhere else you will see him.

Seeking Wisdom by Peter Bevelin: This book is really about heuristics. Which means that this is about giving yourself a framework to approach a challenge that may not be perfect but likely effective. Moreso, this book is about how knowing frameworks can help you understand any business and use your knowledge to improve or learn about any business.

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg: This book is about focus and creating habits that will support you. The key is doing the right things at the right time, consistently.

Best Laid Plans by Alan Weiss: You can start with any Alan Weiss book and learn something that will add value to your business, but considering that strategy and taking the right actions is an evergreen challenge, you can start here and learn about putting together a plan that will lead to you taking action.

Please follow and like us:

19 Books You Should Have On Your 2019 Reading List was originally published on Wakeman Consulting Group