#if someone hurt you badly enough you don't have to ever forgive them or get along with them

[goemon-fan]

A rare but appreciated aspect of Part 1 that I liked was that they didn't make Goemon forgive Momochi or anything as so many stories centering around abuse do, and instead they just killed him

[marril96]

Safe Haven

Chapter 1: Guilty as Sin

Pairing: Agatha Harkness x reader

Summary: After months of no contact, Agatha shows up at your door badly injured, and it's up to you to help her.

To say you and Agatha had parted on bad terms would be an understatement of the century.

You'd forgiven her a lot of things, and could forgive so much more, but the one thing you just couldn't get past was her forgetting your anniversary because she was too busy draining some random witch that wasn't even powerful enough to justify leaving you hanging.

You'd exploded. It was like someone had pulled a switch, and an atomic bomb had gone off, turning everything in its path to dust. You'd unleashed all the things you'd been holding back; centuries of pent up rage, of resentment pouring out of your mouth. Raging and burning. Stinging its target's flesh like lava dripping on skin.

Things you couldn't believe could ever come out of your mouth shot out, bitter, venomous. Bullets aiming for the heart.

You'd called Agatha selfish. Had accused her of not caring about you, of valuing power over you. Had said she'd never loved you, and, if she'd thought she had, you'd certainly never felt it. Had told her other witches were right to have never trusted her for not an ounce of her was worthy of being trusted.

"I can't look at you right now. I don't wanna look at you," were your final words before you'd summoned your magic and had taken off for the sky. Far, far away from her.

It wasn't exactly a breakup. The two of you had had periods of separation throughout the centuries, usually brought on by one of you wanting to travel and the other preferring to cozy up somewhere for a few months. In the end, you would always find your way back to each other. The few times you had parted on bad terms, you were back in each other's arms within days.

You could never stay apart for too long.

Until now.

Three months and counting. No calls. No texts. Both of you were too stubborn, too proud to pick up the phone and make the first move.

Not that it would do much.

You doubted there was coming back from this fight.

If someone had said those things to you, you wouldn't want to see their face, either. Not for a very long time. Possibly not ever again.

You didn't even mean what you'd said. You were just so angry, and Agatha had made a mistake, and you'd wanted to punish her. You'd wanted to hurt her. You'd wanted her to feel how you were feeling. Wanted her to feel worse. You'd wanted to shove a knife in her gut and twist it.

What you'd actually done was aim for the heart and shatter it until it was nothing but specks of dirt under your feet.

Every day since that fateful night had been hell.

You weren't sure how you were able to survive; guilt had been eating you alive, bit by fleshy bit. The words you'd said echoed in your head. Had kept you up at night. Had brought tears to your eyes every time you'd replayed them.

Agatha was no angel, far from it, but she didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve a fraction of the venom you'd spewed in her face.

Maybe that had been a breakup, after all.

You didn't see her forgiving you that kind of cruelty.

You certainly would never forgive yourself.

Loud banging shook you back to the present, to your lonesome reality. Someone — something — was at your front door, insistent, desperate to get inside. The hinges squeaked under the force of the blows.

Blood ran cold in your veins.

You lived in the middle of nowhere; a deliberate choice, as your kind historically didn't fare well among people. Or each other. Experience had taught you that witches could be as treacherous as humans, even more so. Miles and miles of trees surrounded your home, cocooning it, shielding it. Hiding it and you from the world.

Who could possibly be at your door this late in the evening?

A lost or injured hiker? A runaway kid seeking help?

Someone who meant you harm?

The prospect didn't worry you too much; you'd made sure the entrance to your home was spelled so that nobody and nothing could get in without your explicit permission. Hunters and rogue witches, as well as regular, run of the mill thieves, had raided too many spaces you'd thought were safe over the centuries.

When you'd acquired this house, you were determined it was never going to happen again.

It was Agatha who had suggested protection like that. She knew how much it meant to you to have a place to call yours, to call a home, so she'd flipped through the pages of that dark magic book of hers that you weren't allowed to come near (with good reason: you'd avoided that thing like the plague) and had found a spell that would protect you from unwanted guests 

It had worked wonders so far.

Still, as you cautiously padded to the door, one of your hands lit up with magic; a witch could never be too careful. You unlocked the door and opened it a crack, then wide as your eyes fell upon the familiar dark brown hair.

Agatha.

Your heart raced, first with excitement at seeing her again, then with concern as the condition she was in settled in.

Her clothes were ripped. Her hair was a mess, as if she hadn't brushed it in days. Blood ran down her mouth, down her chapped lips. Deep, purple bruises marred her face, painted it dark and painful.

"Oh, my god," you gasped, in disbelief at the sight before you. This had to have been some kind of an illusion. The Agatha you knew could never get hurt like this. No matter what the situation was, she would find her feet. She would never allow for it to get this far.

Her power was too grand for even a remote possibility of something like this.

Then why was she standing at your door, bruised and bloody?

Why was she shivering?

Why did she look so fucking scared that it broke your heart all over again, as your own cruel words had the night that you'd abandoned her?

"Y/N, please, let me in," she said. There was no usual snark in her tone, no humor. No playfulness that you'd come to miss in the months since you'd last seen her. Her voice was strained, as if it hurt to talk. As if it was taking the last remnants of the strength she had left to push the words out. "Please." There was a pause, a pained one, then she said, completely and utterly weak, "I don't have anywhere else to go."

She didn't even have to ask.

"Come here," you said, reaching for her. It was an instinct you'd grown into over the centuries of being with her. When she needed you — when she was cold or sad or injured — you were at her side with arms wide open. No questions asked. No demands made. All that mattered was getting her well. Making the pain she was in go away.

Hands on her shoulders, you gently coaxed her inside, and then locked the door behind her.

She didn't have to ask to be let in. Didn't have to cower and beg for mercy.

Even with the protection spell, Agatha had been welcome here from the very start. This was her home as much as it was yours. No matter how angry you were at her, you would never deny her access. Had never denied it.

What you had done, you remembered, chills running down your spine like ants, was tell her you couldn't look at her.

Was that why she was in this condition? Did she think you wouldn't help her if she called? Did she think you didn't care about her anymore — that you didn't care whether she lived or died?

Did she think you would slam the door in her face and leave her to tend to herself?

Swallowing the guilt that pressed on your chest like an ill-fitted corset, you helped Agatha to the couch. She walked with a limp, one hand pressed to her side, each breath she took a labor, a chore. Whoever had harmed her had done a number on her.

You'd seen her lose fights before. You'd seen her beg for mercy. But it had never been this bad. Not even close.

Whoever had done this to her had better leave the country, had better leave the fucking planet if they wanted to live for another day. Once you found them, they would wish they were dead.

That was a promise, and you always kept those when it came to Agatha.

"Is this okay?" you asked. "Do you need a blanket, or a pillow, or—"

"It's fine," she said, taking a few breaths to steady herself, each more painful than the other.

It shattered your heart into a million pieces.

She didn't deserve this. No matter what she did or whom she managed to piss off, she didn't deserve to be in this kind of pain.

As tenderly as you could, you laid your hands over hers. Agatha stiffened, startled, confirming your suspicions — she didn't think you care about her, not after the things you'd said.

All the witches in her life had ended up betraying her, turning their backs on her, abandoning her. It was only natural that you would do the same.

It was only life.

She didn't know anything different, anything better.

And you, the asshole that you were, had poured salt over the wound.

You'd told her she'd deserved it.

"It's okay," you said softly, caressing her hands. Letting her know that she was safe, that the danger had passed. "I'm not gonna hurt you."

But you had, hadn't you? You'd promised you would never, but you'd done what everyone else had. You'd turned your back on her. You'd spewed the vilest things you could think of, things you didn't even mean, to hurt her, all because you were hurt and had wanted her to feel the same — had wanted her to feel worse. You'd thrown her mistakes in her face, and had left her. You'd never looked back. And, no matter how much the guilt was eating you up, niggling at your insides like acid, you didn't have the nerve to apologize, to make it right.

You were no better than her coven. Than her bitch of a mother.

Agatha nodded, then lowered her eyes to her lap, to her dirty, bloodied clothes. Everywhere and anywhere but your face.

She might as well have slapped you.

Not that you wouldn't have deserved it.

"Who did this to you?" you asked, trying your hardest to hold back an explosion that threatened to erupt inside you.

You couldn't hurt yourself, not much more than you already have, but you could make sure that the one who'd done this to her paid with their life.

They'd been living on borrowed time since the second they'd decided to lay their hands on her.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

"Hunters." She spit the word like it was poison, like the mere act of saying it befouled her mouth. "They injected me with something that's been blocking my power."

You raised an eyebrow, confused. "A drug of some sort?"

"Try potion."

Now that was interesting. "They're working with a witch?"

Agatha nodded. "A powerful one. It's been two days, and this thing's still alive and kicking."

"Two days?"

They'd had her for two days?

They'd been hitting her, beating her, torturing her for two days?

A few tears escaped your containment, your cheeks burning in their wake.

"Oh, please, it's nothing I can't take. I could go for two more weeks," Agatha said with a shrug, feigning nonchalance. Acting as if what she'd gone through didn't bother her a single bit.

You knew better.

That smile on her mouth was the same one she always hid behind. The one she used when she wanted to hide the pain, the turmoil, despite knowing damn well it didn't fool you. It never did.

"Sweetheart, I am so sorry," you said, on the brink of falling apart.

"Why? You didn't do anything."

That was the problem.

You didn't do anything.

She was tortured for two days, and you were none the wiser.

"I should've been there."

You would have burned those monsters alive. You would've made them beg for mercy, given them hope that it would come, and then you would've taken it away at the last minute. You would've made the punishment fit the crime.

You would do it.

They had no idea what was coming to them.

Agatha rolled her eyes. "Save your pity."

"It's not pity, and you know it," you told her in your most earnest tone. She had no reason to believe you — you'd certainly given her plenty of reasons not to — but you hoped she would find it in her heart to look past that. To give you the smallest benefit of the doubt, a chance to make what you broke whole again.

"Isn't it?" It was her turn to twist the knife, and she knew how to make it hurt without trying too hard.

You deserved it.

As much as it hurt, as much as it bruised and broke you, you had every word of doubt coming.

You swallowed a hard lump in your throat, welcoming the pain. Accepting it as penance. "No."

Standing up on shaky legs, you walked to the adjoining kitchen and started rummaging through cupboards in search of supplies. You didn't have a first aid kit, so a makeshift one would have to do. Some old bandages, a rag, a bowl of warm water. Simple, yet efficient.

Agatha could think what she wanted — she could think the worst of you, and she certainly had that right — but you would still help her. You would still do your best for her.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Getting supplies," you said, picking up the softest rag you had. "We need to get you cleaned up."

A moment of tense silence passed. "I can do it myself."

You looked her in the eyes like you always did when she was being difficult. "Let me help you."

"I don't need your help," she said stubbornly.

If she didn't, she wouldn't have shown up at your door and begged to be let in. She wouldn't have let you hold her hands.

"Agatha," you said with a sigh. Don't do this, you thought. Don't play these games. Not now.

"You don't have to pretend you want me here. I'm only here because I had nowhere else to go," she reiterated.

"I'm not pretending."

"Aren't you? You made it pretty clear you didn't wanna look at me." Her eyes, so blue and sad, filled with tears. Her injured lips trembled. "I'm selfish, remember? I never loved you. I'm not trustworthy. I deserve everything that's ever happened to me. I deserve this."

"No. No, you don't."

But you did. You deserved to have your words thrown back at you. You deserved every jab, every painful poke.

You laid the bowl on the coffee table and sat back down by Agatha's side. "I know I'll never be able to take back all those horrible things I said. For what it's worth, I didn't mean any of it."

"Why'd you say it, then?" Agatha asked pointedly. No pleasantries. No nonsense.

"Because I was pissed, and I wanted to hurt you." It hurt to say it, to admit it out loud, but you owed it to her to be honest. She deserved to know the truth. "All this time, I've been trying to think of ways to apologize. Nothing seemed good enough. You deserve better, and I just couldn't give it to you. So, I left you alone."

You reached for her hand. Momentary relief flooded your veins as she allowed you to twine your fingers with hers. This time she welcomed your touch. Welcomed you.

"I really am sorry," you said. "I don't expect you to forgive me. I wouldn't. I just ask that you let me try to make up for it."

Agatha swallowed. Her eyes fell to your linked hands. You thought she would push you away. That she would tell you where you can shove your apology. That she would tell you that it was too late — she didn't love you anymore. That she wanted nothing to do with you.

Instead, her fingers squeezed yours.

A tiny, silent gesture that spoke more than words ever could.

She hadn't given up on you.

She was willing to give you a chance.

She still loved you.

Just like that, a spark lit up inside you. A sliver of hope, tiny but still there, bright in the turmoil of your mind.

It was more than you could have asked for.

You promised to yourself — to Agatha — that you wouldn't squander it.

*****

Tags: @werewolfbarbie @miss-moon-guardian @hermslore @uniquelesbianidiot @natashamaximoff1 @alsoknownasmel @swan-queen-is-magic @tardisesandtitans @ahintofchaos @fruityhahn @midnight-lestrange

*****

Next chapter.

[justwinginglife]

Part 2 of Three's A Crowd: Soshiro Hoshina Ending

I felt bad making just a Hoshina Edition so I will also be releasing a Gen Narumi Edition, and you can read both or you can pick whichever one you want to get with and just read that one- a lil choose your own adventure action, if you will.

And sorry in advance, both posts will be a lil angsty in the beginning. I mean you do have to break someone's heart, after all.

"Was I not... vocal enough about my feelings for you? Cuz I'll try again, I'll do it again, I'll do better." Gen says finally, after moments of silence.

You shake your head quickly, wincing at his words. "No, baby, no. That's not it. You were wonderful. You were amazing. I just don't want to string you along, and I've realized I have a stronger connection with Soshiro. It's nothing to do with you."

He bites his lip bitterly as his hands start to shake. "So he wins again, huh? That damn Hoshina."

You want to hug him but you know you have no right to touch him anymore. You knew it would end badly but you didn't know just how much it would hurt to see him so torn up like this. You had grown so very fond of him, but it didn't change the fact that you loved Soshiro deeper, more fiercely. It was better that it ended sooner rather than later.

"Gen, I had the most incredible time with you. I'll never forget it. And if I'd never met Soshiro, I know I would've married you. But as much as I don't want to hurt you, I can't ignore how I feel about him. If you ever find it in your heart to forgive me, I will be eternally grateful, but if you don't, I will understand." You say it so simply even though it's anything but simple.

He nods to himself, looking down at the ground as he fidgets with the zipper on his jacket. "I know, love, I know. I signed up for this, I knew what I was getting myself into. I just really thought I'd win. Hurts. Well, I suppose I'll see myself out then." He gets up quickly and moves towards the door. Then he turns back to you, looking you over one more time, savoring every inch and every curve of you before finally sighing.

"I... I would've made you my whole world." The words come out so softly you think you might've imagined them, and then before you know it, he's gone.

You wonder if you'll ever see him again and if the next time you do see him, if maybe you could be friends. You hope he'll be happy, whatever he does from here on. Maybe in another lifetime you could've been the one to make him happy. But not in this one. In this one, you belong to Soshiro Hoshina and you intend to make good on that.

You greet Soshiro at his apartment, causing him to be pleasantly surprised at your visit. He always comes to you, you've only been to his apartment once before. But he welcomes you with a smile, stepping aside to let you in.

"To what do I owe the lovely pleasure, darling?"

Before he's even locked the door all the way, you wrap your arms around him, burying yourself deep into his chest. He lets out a content sigh and pulls you in closer to him.

"Someone's feeling clingy today." He teases. "But I love it."

You pull away just slightly so you can look him in the eye, though still holding onto him tightly. "I'm all yours baby."

He raises an eyebrow at you, trying to piece together what that means but then his eyes widen. "You... you dumped Narumi? You're all mine?"

You nod and he lets out the biggest sigh of relief.

"I don't know what I did today to deserve the best news of my entire life, but I'm so happy." With that, he lifts you up and carries you bridal style to his couch so he can cuddle you some more.

For a moment, he just sits there, tracing up and down your arm, and playing with your hair as he peppers you with random kisses here and there. But he can't sit still for long, he's like a giddy little schoolboy. He stands up suddenly and announces, "Alright we need to celebrate, you're coming with me, and we're going on the best date of your ENTIRE LIFE."

You giggle like you're a schoolgirl now and you watch as he grabs his car keys eagerly. He tosses them to you.

"Meet you at the car in five minutes, let me just throw something nicer on."

He kisses you deeply and then releases you, waving you off.

You wait at the car and sure enough, he's done in five minutes, having thrown together an outfit with significant speed so as to not keep you waiting long.

He opens the passenger door for you and helps you inside, kissing your hand several times before releasing it and shutting the door gently. Then he hops in the driver seat and, with the biggest goofiest grin on his face, exclaims "And we're off!"

He takes you for lunch at the first restaurant you ever went to with him and you appreciate his sense of nostalgia. He even buys you your favorite dessert afterwards.

Then he lets you roam free in a bookstore with a wad of cash to spend and while he did spend the first 10-15 minutes just gazing at you with pure love and affection as you excitedly perused the shelves, at some point he disappeared. You were at the check out stand, purchasing your stack of books when he arrived with a bouquet of flowers in hand, he'd seen someone selling them across the street and thought of you. Of course they were your favorite- white lilies.

"You know, the lady at the counter told me something." He said, pointing towards the flowers in your hand.

You inhaled deeply, breathing in the sweet scent. "What did she say, baby?"

He wraps his arm around your waist, carrying your bag of books for you as he walks you back to his car. "She said white lilies symbolize pure love. And I thought it was just perfect for you."

You lean into him as you walk. "You're such a romantic. It's adorable."

He laughs. "Only when I'm around you, love. You make me want to do the cheesiest shit, I can't help it."

He takes you to a festival next, he knows you've always wanted to go to one of these things. Though his combat power is low with a gun, he can still shoot one, and he wins you a stuffed animal at a game booth. It's got cute fluffy black hair and you name it Soshiro and give it a kiss on top of its head.

"Hey, me next!" He pulls you in for a kiss and you oblige.

Then, as you watch the sunset together, he snuggles up next to you and feeds you snacks he bought, saying it's so cute how much you can eat.

Darkness falls and fireworks start to paint the sky. You watch them in awe, transfixed by all the colors and patterns that are now dotting the night sky. He doesn't watch a single one, he's too busy looking at you. He smiles, brushing a strand of hair from your face and tucking it behind your ear before giving you a kiss on the cheek. When the fireworks finally quiet down, he rises from the bench and you think it might be time to go home but then he gets down on one knee and pulls out a ring box that he's been hiding all day.

"My love. Darling. Light of my life. I cannot tell you just how happy you have made me by being mine but I promise I will spend the rest of my life trying to. It is the greatest joy to be by your side and I don't want to waste a single second, will you please marry me and let me stay by your side?"

You lean forward and kiss his forehead. "Until death do us part?"

He shakes his head. "No baby, even death couldn't keep me from you. I'd find you in the afterlife, in another reincarnation, in whatever awaits, I'd find you and make you mine. Please say you'll allow me this great pleasure."

You smile warmly at him. "Of course I will."

He eagerly slips the ring on your finger and you laugh as he almost drops it trying to get it on quickly.

"Someone's in a hurry." You tease.

"Of course I am. I've been waiting my entire life for you."

[electrikworm]

Playing Pretend: Chapter 1

next

Relationships: Crosshair & Wrecker, Crosshair & OC (one-sided)

Content Warnings: Torture, whipping, Forced to hurt somebody, Blood and Injury, Zygerrian Slavery

Summary:

Being part Zygerrian, infiltrating a Zygerrian gang is all too easy for Crosshair. Things get significantly more difficult when Wrecker is captured. Crosshair is forced to torture his own brother as to not blow his cover. As things keep getting worse, Crosshair begins to wonder how Wrecker will ever be able to forgive him when he can't even imagine being able to forgive himself.

Chapter 1 written for @ailesswhumptober day 22: Forced to hurt somebody else and whipped

Written for @squad-724 Hybrid au, with amazing art by her as well :)))

Word count: 5,336

Read on Ao3

Despite his best efforts, Crosshair frowns when the whip is handed to him. It's an old-fashioned thing, made from heavy leather, thinning out towards the end and tipped with three heavy metal spikes. "What's wrong?" The Zygerrian that handed him the whip asks. She's the second in command of this little crime ring Crosshair's infiltrated, going by the name of Asesh. "Weren't you boasting about your ability to torture?" Crosshair scowls, ears flicking. His supposed skill in interrogation is the one of the reasons he was hired by the gang in the first place, beside his Zygerrian heritage. Whilst he hasn't got training in that area, he's certain he can improvise. Only issue is, he never anticipated he'd have to do so on one of his brothers.

The mission had been going fine. Infiltrating a Zygerrian gang isn't all too dificult when you're part Zygerrian yourself. They were all too ready to involve Crosshair in their group. Which was great of course, that's why he was chosen for the mission. Having Zygerrian blood will make Crosshair seem more trustworthy. It'll make it more likely that vital information will be shared with him.

All Crosshair needed was confirmation on if this gang was involved with the disappearance of two important senators. But things went slower than anticipated. He didn't want to push them to share something, worried he might cause them to distrust him. Maybe he should have been more persistent, than maybe things wouldn't have went so badly. With no way to safely contact his brothers, he had no way to inform them of the delay. They arrived for his extraction like planed and Crosshair had to hastily send them away. They'd gone unnoticed, or at least, that's what Crosshair thought until he was called for a meeting and Wrecker was dragged in, bound, gagged and beaten. He's not looked at Crosshair once since he's been manhandled onto his knees in the middle of the room by two of the larger gang members. "Whips aren't exactly my style," Crosshair says, trying to hand it back.

Asesh smiles, far too softly for someone asking Crosshair to torture his own brother. Of course, if she finds that out, they'll both be in Wrecker's position.

“You've never used a whip before? You've truly been kept from your heritage for far too long,” she says, shaking her head. “First I find out you don't speak Zygerrian, now this. Next you'll tell me you're against slavery.”

Asesh laughs, loud enough to make Crosshair's ears hurt. Crosshair joins her, faking amusement at the crude joke. It's not the first horrible thing of hers he's had to pretend to find funny, but this time hurts the most by far.

“I'll give you advice, don't worry,” Asesh says with a grin, patting Crosshair's back. “It will do you good to learn, to connect with your heritage. Whips also make for good exercise.”

Crosshair forces a smile.

“Don't we usually use a different type of whip?” Crosshair asks, inspecting the object in his hand.

Electro-whips are extremely painful, but to Crosshair's knowledge, are designed not to leave permanent damage. The leather whip he's holding looks vicious, if given a choice, he'd swap it for the electric variant. He's not getting out of doing this, might as well try and reduce the harm done to Wrecker.

Asesh scoffs. “Electro-whips are good, but are to keep merchandise from losing value. And we don't need this little intruder in good shape by the end of this.” She closes the gap between her and Wrecker, grabbing his face and laughing. “And have you seen him? Hideous! A few more scars won't make him uglier.”

“What even is he?” one of the guards asks, wrinkling their nose. Asesh shrugs.

“Part Lasat,” the second guard speaks. “Look at his feet and ears.”

The first pulls a face. “Never seen one of those.”

“You know, big, hairy, weird legs,” the second continues. Asesh shuts him up with a wave of her hand. Crosshair doesn't say anything. Best none of the Zygerrians know he has any familiarity with Wrecker or his species.

Crosshair has to fight the urge to put himself between Asesh and his brother as she prods at his face, dragging her claws across it near his blind eye. Wrecker's always nervous when someone's on his blind side, Crosshair can see the discomfort in his eyes as he tries to twist out of her grip.

“I did not know Humans could even breed with Lasat, but I can see why they don't do so often. The mix isn't very pretty, is it?” Asesh laughs as Wrecker mumbles something.

Pulling the cloth used to gag him out of his mouth, the fabric catching on Wrecker's sharp teeth, Asesh leans close.

“You can make this very easy for yourself, half-breed. Tell us who you work for and what you were doing sneaking around our property and it will all be over.” Asesh smiles, tipping Wrecker's head back far enough to make Wrecker squirm. She runs a hand over his short, purple hair, trailing her claws along his pointed ears, first the intact one, then the one torn by the blast that took Wrecker's eye.

“Kriff off,” Wrecker growls. “You don't scare me.”

Barking a laugh, Asesh looks back at Crosshair, gesturing to him with her free hand. “See him? He lacks experience, yes, but Cross will more than make up for that in the passion he shows for cruelty.” She leans in close enough for Crosshair to have to strain to hear what she hisses into Wrecker's ear next. “Once he's done with you, you won't even be able to crawl out of this room.”

Doing his best to remain neutral, Crosshair swallows. He's been laying it on thick the last few days, telling the Zygerrians all kinds of tall tales about how much he enjoys the suffering of others. He really wishes he'd just kept his mouth shut.

Not only will he have to torture his brother, he will have to pretend to enjoy it. Crosshair swallows thickly against the nausea building steadily.

After motioning for the guards to turn Wrecker so his back's towards them, Asesh splits Wrecker's plain shirt with her claws. Once torn enough, Asesh slips the ruined item of clothes of his chest. Lines of fresh blood run down Wrecker's skin where she's raked her claws over it.

Wrecker barely flinches. Crosshair knows things won't stay that way for long.

Turning to Crosshair, Asesh grins, flicking the blood off her claws. “Try it,” She says, indicating the whip.

Crosshair watches the weapon unfurl onto the floor, testing its feel. It's heavy. Aiming at an empty spot in the room, Crosshair swings it weakly. If he proves how bad he is at using it now, Asesh won't suspect anything when he goes easy on Wrecker.

Asesh hums as she watches Crosshair's pathetic display. Putting her hands on her hips, she narrows her eyes at Crosshair. For a moment, Crosshair thinks she's caught on to him. If so, he'll have to get out of here as fast as he can. With Wrecker of course. There's no way he's leaving him here alone.

“You really are bad with whips,” Asesh says, laughing to herself.

Crossahir fakes mild offense. “I said so, didn't I?”

“Let me show you.” Asesh moves to Crosshair's side, putting her hand over his on the hilt of the whip. She moves his arm for him, showing him the correct way to swing it.

When Crosshair swings it again, still holding back, it cracks loudly. Wrecker flinches at the noise, catching Asesh's attention. She leans close to Crosshair.

“See that? He may act tough, but he's terrified already. He'll be crying at your hands soon enough.” Her teeth glint as she smiles widely, making Crosshair want to shove her far away from himself. She turns back to Wrecker, speaking loudly again. “Now, anything you wish to share?”

Wrecker stays silent.

“Seems he wishes to do things the hard way. Cross, don't worry yourself too much about aiming. Just hit him as hard as you can.”

Crosshair hesitates. He can't miss Wrecker, it would be obvious he'd done so purposefully. He also can't let Asesh see he's not giving it his all. Holding his breath, Crosshair draws his arm back.

He tries to avoid the organs he knows are relatively exposed on Wrecker's lower back. The thick leather of the whip leaves an immediate welt of Wrecker's back, but Crosshair's aim really is bad, and the thin tip hits Wrecker's shoulder, splitting the skin there. The sharp tips even wrap around his shoulder, digging into the muscle at the front.

Wrecker cries out, making Crosshair's heart drop.

Asesh lets out a delighted shriek. “You are a natural! It's in you're blood, as I have been telling you.”

Wrecker's ears twitch nervously as awaits the next lash. Crosshair just holds the whip, unsure how to proceed. The Zygerrians will want him to continue, but he won't do so unless told so.

He glances at Asesh, hating himself for having to execute what ever order she'll give him. She gives Crosshair an encouraging nod and smile, leaving him both no option but to smile back and swing the weapon at his brother again.

Crosshair longs for his helmet as he brings the whip down on Wrecker's back again. It's bad enough having to hurt his brother, Crosshair could do without having to pretend to like it as well.

He avoided hitting Wrecker's shoulder with the tip again, but he's fairly certain it caught the muscle on Wrecker's upper arm.

Wrecker doesn't cry out this time, a bit back noise of pain being all that leaves him. Crosshair feels sick.

Asesh circles Wrecker as Crosshair is forced to continue. The lashes begin to layer across one another, clearly hurting a lot worse when the do judging by Wrecker's reaction. He's nervously retracting and extending the claws on his feet, even when Crosshair isn't actively hitting him.

Crosshair almost gasps as a particularity badly aimed swing leaves a deep cut diagonally across Wrecker's upper back, quickly having to cover the noise by faking a laugh. There's pride in Asesh's eyes as she watches Crosshair. It makes him want rip her throat out.

“It's good to laugh when you are having fun,” she says. “Don't let anyone here make you feel like you can't.”

Asesh stands directly in front of Wrecker as Crosshair strikes him the next three times, clearly enjoying herself as her eyes focus on Wrecker's face.

“Give me that,” Asesh says, pointing at the whip in Crosshair's hand. He thinks he's done something wrong until she continues. “His expression is amusing, you have got to see it.”

Willing his body not to hesitate, Crosshair walks around Wrecker, handing Asesh the whip as she passes.

Wrecker can barely look at Crosshair, only glancing up at him shortly. Kark, are those tear tracks? Crosshair's made his brother cry in the past, they've all done so at one point when they got into arguments. Never like this though.

When no one is looking, Crosshair one handedly uses their squads apology sign at Wrecker's eye level. He isn't sure Wrecker's seen it, and even if he has, Crosshair's not sure how Wrecker could ever forgive him.

Asesh cracks the whip without letting it hit Wrecker, delighting at the way Wrecker tenses. Wrecker looks up at Crosshair, expression almost neutral if it weren't for the pain he's covering up.

Then the whip lands on his back and Wrecker's face scrunches, teeth clicking at how fast he clenches his jaw. It takes every bit of willpower Crosshair has not to react to his brothers distress. He has to force his ears and tail from flicking as he watches Wrecker suffer, willing his expression and body language into one of enjoyment.

Asesh wastes no time before continuing, bringing the weapon down on Wrecker over and over in quick succession. Wrecker's hands shake where they're bound in front of him. He's barely able to keep upright, Asesh only giving him a break if the guards have to right the way Wrecker kneels.

When she stops, breathing heavily from exertion, Crosshair can see blood splattered on the floor either side of Wrecker.

Smiling at Crosshair, Asesh motions hims to move closer to Wrecker. “Go on, interrogate him. And get your claws involved. It's a beautiful experience, sinking your claws into a lowly creatures flesh.”

With a quiet, shaky breath, Crosshair grabs Wrecker's face like Asesh did, keeping his claws away from the skin. Instead, he sinks those on his other hand into Wrecker's shoulder where Asesh can see them.

Wrecker hisses in pain, making Crosshair want to let go. He doesn't.

“Tell us who you are and what you were doing here,” Crosshair hisses.

“You'll get nothing from me,” Wrecker barks, voice strained and breathy. Crosshair has to tighten his grip as Wrecker squirms, making him cry out again.

“Speak,” Crosshair yells. Wrecker just keeps fighting against his grip in response. He manages to shake Crosshair off, falling onto his side in the process. Asesh finds this extremely amusing.

“Take over for me Cross. You are young and have a lot of energy,” Asesh orders, Extending her hand holding the whip. Drops of Wrecker's blood fall from it and onto the floor in the time it takes Crosshair to walk to her.

Wrecker's back is in a sorry state, almost making Crosshair react to the sight. Deep, bleeding marks layer the skin, tearing it to shreds in places. Crosshair's hand trembles slightly as he allows the whip to unfurl again.

If Asesh lets this go on much longer, Wrecker will die.

She asks Wrecker questions as Crosshair continues as slowly as he dares. Wrecker screams every time he's hit now. Crosshair isn't sure he'll ever be able to forget the sound.

When Asesh finally calls an end to the torture, Crosshair feels like collapsing.

“A night on the floor will make him more agreeable,” Asesh smirks. She's about to walk off when Crosshair stops her.

“What about infection?” he asks. He's pushing his luck, but with how open Wrecker's back is, it's worth the risk.

“Why would we care about that?” one of the guards huffs, only to be shut up by a hand gesture from Asesh.

“No, he is right. Our prisoner will die on our terms, not from some infection.” She pats Crosshair's back affectionately, before gesturing at the guard she interrupted. “Find something to use as disinfectant, alcohol or salt, I don't care. And bring a large piece of cloth. We don't waste medical supplies on prisoners.”

It dawns on Crosshair that Asesh is going to use this to hurt Wrecker even further.

The guard leaves and Wrecker is forced onto his stomach on the floor, bound hands stretched out far in front of him. Asesh takes the whip from Crosshair's hands and his stomach drops.

“Watch this,” she says, nudging Crosshair's side playfully. Asesh brings the whip down on Wrecker's exposed lower legs. She catches him right near the ankle, making him kick his legs up.

Asesh naturally doesn't leave it at that, ordering Crosshair to straighten Wrecker's legs each time he squirms away from her. Thankfully, Crosshair isn't forced to use the whip on his brother this way as well as Asesh stops when the guard returns.

Wrecker's still left with bunch of new welts and cuts, a few ugly ones across the bottom of his feet, damaging the pads situated there. Crosshair cringes at the sight, playing the motion off as him shaking his arms out. He knows that Wrecker has a lot of feeling in his feet and a lot more range of motion than a human would. The damage will affect him badly.

“What did you find?” Asesh ask the guard.

“Salt,” he says. In addition to a package of salt, he's holding a blanket, made from rough material by the looks of it.

Upon Asesh's order, he hands both the items to Crosshair.

“Have fun,” she says genuinely, pointing at Wrecker.

Faking a laugh, Crosshair kneels down next to Wrecker. He's panting for air, cheek pressed to the floor. The skin on his back is in shreds, even peeling off in places.

Nausea threatens to overcome Crosshair as he watches his brother's chest rise and fall, shifting his back, glistening with blood.

Crosshair tips some salt into his hand. The situation would be bad enough, but the guard's managed to find particularly coarse salt. Its rough edges will only add to the way it will irritate Wrecker's wounds. He's not sure this is better than the risk of infection. Once again, Crosshair wishes he'd kept his mouth shut.

Just as he's about to pour the first of the salt onto Wrecker's back, Asesh interrupts him.

“Is he purring?” She exclaims, laughter bursting out of her.

Now Crosshair's been made aware of it, he hears it too. It makes his heart hurt. The urge to lay down beside his brother and purr as well, to maybe make him feel just a little better, is near overwhelming.

“Like a scared child! Pathetic,” Asesh continues. She kicks Wrecker in the ribs, making him gasp. Crosshair laughs automatically, not even fully realizing that he's doing so anymore.

When Asesh signals him to continue, Crosshair empties the content of his hand onto Wrecker's back. Wrecker writhes as the salt clings to his open wounds, whimpering and gasping as the sting sets in. Continuing, Crossahir pours salt directly from the container, moving as fast as he can.

“No need to rush,” Asesh intervenes. “Enjoy yourself! Really get the salt in there. We wouldn't want our prisoner to get an infection.” She smiles at Crosshair, encouragingly. Crosshair looks down at Wrecker's back before nodding. That way, he doesn't need to manage his expression too much.

Being mindful of his claws, Crosshair starts using his hands to rub the salt deeper into Wrecker's wounds. Wreckers howls in pain, struggling to get away from Crosshair. He pushes his torso off the ground, but Asesh is there to stop him, putting a boot on the back of Wrecker's neck.

She nods at Crosshair, looking pleased.

Crosshair does his best to block out both Wrecker's screams and anything coming from Asesh as he continues. His hands soak with blood as he works. Crosshair doesn't want to imagine what the rough crystals of salt must feel like rubbing against open injuries,

Once he's done, Asesh hands him the blanket. “Wrap it around his chest. It will stop the bleeding.”

The material of the blanket is awful to touch, the kind Hunter couldn't stand. Having it used as makeshift bandages should classify as a type of torture in and of itself.

As carefully as he dares, Crosshair wraps the fabric around Wrecker's torso, having to force him onto his back to tie it at the front. The wounds on Wrecker's arms and legs remain open, salt acting as the only barrier between open skin and the surrounding world.

Asesh, with Crosshair's help, maneuvers Wrecker to his knees. He sways slightly as he sits slumped.

“You will talk,” Asesh hisses, grabbing Wrecker's face again. “It is only a matter of time.”

Wrecker growls, lunging forwards to snap at her. Asesh laughs, avoiding his bite easily.

“You are amusing,” she says. “I like hurting creatures with a little fight in them. Makes breaking them all the more fun. Maybe I'll keep you.”

With a hand wave, Asesh gets the guards to pull Wrecker onto his feet, dragging him out of the room. He can barely keep his legs under himself, leaving bloody marks where ever his feet make contact with the floor.

Asesh follows the guards, so Crosshair won't stick out doing so. At least he'll know where Wrecker is being kept.

It's a small room, smaller than the one used for interrogation. Maybe it was once used for storage, but now, it's been fashioned into a bare cell. Asesh wasn't kidding about making Wrecker sleep on the floor.

Swiftly, Wrecker is shoved to the ground, hitting it hard. Crosshair just about catches how Wrecker curls up on his side and the sound of him purring quietly to himself before the door is slammed shut.

The only thing Crosshair wants to do now is be alone, somewhere dark where no one can see him.

But Asesh asks him to follow her, so he does.

She steps out of a door towards the back of the base the gangs set up. It leads into a narrow ally, barely illuminated by a humming neon tube just over the door. Asesh leans against the wall, lighting a cigarette. She offers one to Crosshair, like she does every time. He declines.

“Suit yourself,” Asesh shrugs. She smokes in silence for a while, at least having the decency not to exhale smoke in Crosshair's direction. There's small specks of blood on her hands, making Croshair want to look away from her.

Looking at his boots, he spots the state of his own hands. Dry and drying blood is caked on his skin, concentrated around his claws. The contrast to his pale skin is stark. Crosshair's skin itches. He wants to scratch at it until any trace of Wrecker's blood is gone.

“You've never been taught how to break a slave, have you?” Asesh asks, cigarette barely held between her fingers as she gestures.

Crosshair shakes his head.

Asesh clicks her tongue before taking another drag of her cigarette. “Never even owned one, have you?”

Crosshair shakes his head again, looking anywhere but where Asesh is standing.

“I guess it is not uncommon. Not everyone can afford them, especially with large portions of our trade being ruined by this Galactic Republic,” Asesh scoffs. “It is sad that you have been kept from your culture. It is hardly your fault you have inferior blood running through your veins. That is no excuse to keep you from who you really are.”

Crosshair nods, turning his grimace into a smile. “You've done a lot to make that right.”

He looks at Asesh, regretting the action when he spots the soft, fond smile on her face. Crosshair needs the gang to like him if he's going to get any information from them, but he doesn't like this one bit.

“We'll get information from the prisoner sooner or later, but I plan to keep him. I will use him to teach you the slave trade,” Asesh says, putting a hand on Crosshair's shoulder. “If your work today is any indication, you will make a fine slaver.”

Crosshair feels sick. He hasn't felt this unwell since he was a cadet. But all he does is continue smiling. “I'd like that a lot.”

Asesh laughs. “I knew you'd agree! After how much fun you had with the prisoner, there was no doubt in my mind!”

He'd fooled the Zygerrians, Crosshair just hopes he hasn't fooled Wrecker.

“Now, go, eat, get some rest. No need for you to keep an old woman like me company,” Asesh laughs. “Think of some other things you'd like to do to that prisoner as well,” she says with a dangerous glint in her eyes.

Crosshair's about to turn away from her when she grabs his arm. “And Cross, don't let anyone say your human blood defines you. You're a truer Zygerrian than many pure-blooded ones will ever be.”

“Thank you,” Crosshair says, playing off his disgust as modesty.

“I mean it. You're made for this.” With a smile, she lets go of Crosshair's arm and goes back to smoking.

Crosshair doesn't stop or let himself get distracted the entire way to the quarters he has set up in the gangs base. He barely breathes the whole duration of the way.

Once he's in the small room, he drops himself on his bed, going limp.

The day couldn't have gone worse. Not only did he fail to get the mission done in the time frame he should have, but his slow progress has landed Wrecker in a horrible situation.

He must hate Crosshair, there's no way he doesn't. Crosshair has to believe that Wrecker knows Crosshair would never enjoy hurting him like that, but even so, Wrecker must hate him for getting him stuck in this situation in the first place.

Shifting onto his side, Crosshair stares at his bloody hands. There's nothing he can do to fix the situation now. All he can do is continue the mission. If he doesn't, Crosshair's put his brothers lives in danger for nothing.

He can't risk bringing Wrecker any useful item or giving him medical help. If anyone notices, Crosshair could blow his cover. But Crosshair has to check on him, just to see what kind of state Wrecker's in.

When most of the gang is sleeping, then he'll go.

It's agony, doing nothing as he waits. He only leaves his room once to wash his hands. The blood doesn't seem to come off. It's like it's soaked under Crosshair's skin.

He doesn't eat. Crosshair feels like he should be hungry, but the thought of food just makes his nausea worse.

Crosshair hates being like this, useless. He's done nothing, achieved nothing this mission. Except for torturing his own brother of course.

The Zygerrians trust Crosshair, but not enough to share valuable information with him. And all Crosshair can do is keep playing this game, keep hurting Wrecker until he completes the objective.

What's worse is, Crosshair actually liked Asesh.

Crosshair's young, a new member of the gang and not even a full Zygerrian. Other members made sure to remind him of this. Not Asesh. She was nice from the start, looked out for him, was easily impressed by his skills and made sure to point out when he did something worthy of praise.

Asesh treated Crosshair like an actual living, breathing sentient being. Natborns don't do that often.

It didn't matter to Crosshair that she was a horrible person, none of that affected him. It's easy to play along with someone's bad behavior and values if none of them are directed at you.

But now Wrecker's their prisoner, now Crosshair's forced to act on those opinions he pretended to have.

Even after washing his hands, Crosshair can still smell the blood. It's like the scent clings to him, his clothes, his hair, his skin. He can't escape it.

Once the lights in the hall are turned off for the night, Crosshair wastes little time in retracing his steps to the cell Wrecker's been left in.

Only standing at the door does it dawn on Crosshair that he doesn't have a key or code to get in.

Staring at the panel next to the door, Crosshair thinks. The guard didn't use a code or key card, did he?

Hesitantly, Crosshair pushes a button on the panel, than another. He repeats the process until inexplicably, the light at the bottom of the panel flashes green and the door slides open.

That isn't very secure, Crosshair thinks to himself.

The inside of the room had it's door panel removed. Crosshair groans. That makes the chances of one of the Zygerrians seeing him much higher. He'd have preferred the privacy of a closed door.

The room is dark, but it's easy to make out Wrecker's curled up form on the floor near the wall. He's shaking, purring quietly.

Glancing into the corridor behind him, Crosshair waits. When he can't hear anyone approaching, he moves to Wrecker's side, moving slow as to not spook his brother. Once close enough, he crouches next to Wrecker, hovering his hand just above Wrecker's shoulder.

“Wrecker?” Crosshair asks, carefully letting his fingers brush across Wrecker's skin.

Wrecker flinches, gasping in pain as he crawls away from Crosshair's touch. Crosshair watches in horrified silence as Wrecker struggles to avoid being near him. It's entirely justified, still hurts to be exposed to that truth.

Stepping over Wrecker, Crosshair goes down to his level again, this time in his line of sight.

“Please, stay calm,” Crosshair pleads. “I'm not here to hurt you.” The last thing Crosshair needs is the Zygerrians being alerted of his presence in the cell.

Wrecker shifts, eyes widening as he looks up. He's not struggling anymore at least.

“Cross?” Wrecker's voice is hoarse. Crosshair mentally kicks himself for not bringing any water for his brother. Groaning weakly, Wrecker tries to sit up. Crosshair makes him stay down, hating the way Wrecker seems to shy away from his touch.

“I'll complete the mission soon, I promise,” Crosshair says. It would be easy to leave with Wrecker now, but there's no telling what will happen to their squad if they fail a mission this vital. The lives of important people are at stake. The Republic will value those over the life of clones, especially experimental ones. “Things will continue tomorrow, but I'll get you out of her. I just don't know when yet.”

Wrecker nods, laying his head on the ground. His eyes are barely open, half lidded as he goes back to purring. Quietly, Crosshair joins him as he looks him over. The blood on Wrecker's arms and legs is drying, wounds still looking wet. The blanket has red stains where it covers Wrecker's back.

“Does it hurt?” Crosshair asks, immediately regretting the stupid question. Crosshair can't get anything right today.

Humoring Crosshair for some reason, Wrecker nods. “S'okay if I don't move or breath too hard,” Wrecker mumbles, eyes falling closed.

Crosshair almost puts a hand on Wrecker again, but stops himself. Wrecker clearly doesn't want Crosshair touching him. Crosshair has to respect that.

“For what it's worth, I'm sorry,” Crosshair says, knowing his apology is entirely worthless. Wrecker's silence seems to indicate that he agrees.

That's when footsteps echo down the corridor. Crosshair leaps to his feet, looking for a rout of escape. Maybe if he's fast he can slip out of the cell unnoticed.

No, the person approaching is too close already. There's only one way Crosshair's getting out of this without blowing his cover.

With a quiet apology to Wrecker, Crosshair kicks him in the ribs, just hard enough to make Wrecker cry out.

“Speak!” Crosshair yells, surprising himself with how loud he is.

A familiar laugh filters into the room.

Crosshair looks up to find Asesh leaning on the door frame.

“I thought I would find you here,” she smirks.

Crosshair freezes. Does she know? Has she known this whole time?

“You're so eager to cause suffering, aren't you, Cross?” she continues.

“He should have spoken by now,” Crosshair says, hoping Asesh isn't just toying with him.

“These things take time, don't worry.” Asesh walks closer, threateningly. “But you are right. It does help to keep prisoners from getting any rest.”

She laughs. Swiftly, she hooks the heel of her boot over Wrecker's chest, flipping him onto his back. Wrecker gasps for breath as he arches off the floor, short, pained noises leaving him.

Asesh puts her weight on Wrecker's ribs, leaning forward towards Crosshair. Wrecker whimpers.

“You however need your rest. I admire your passion, but sleep is important. We will continue tomorrow,” Asesh says, leaning far enough to pat Crosshair's arm.

Soon as she takes her weight off of Wrecker, he turns onto his side. Asesh begins to escort Crosshair out of the cell, not before kicking Wrecker in the back for good measure.

Standing outside the cell, Crosshair feels worse than he did before. He'd managed to make life more miserable for Wrecker, just because he wanted to make himself feel less guilty by fishing for forgiveness.

“Sleep. I need you in top form tomorrow,” Asesh speaks as she closes the door to the cell. Crosshair catches one last glance of Wrecker's form against the far wall.

Crosshair nods, making his way back to his sleeping quarters. There's no way he's getting any decent rest. Not when he knows Wrecker is suffering a few corridors over.

[unabashednightmarepizza]

𝑀𝑦 𝑇𝑟𝑢𝑒 𝐻𝑜𝑚𝑒

A/N: Okay, I got inspired again and this piece is just me, pouring my absolute and eternal love to the favourite place of mine: Mondstadt! This could be read in sagau or just any other normal piece of work but I wrote it with Creator!Reader AU in mind.

Because let's be honest, they welcomed the Traveller albeit a bit hesitantly, with open arms even when they were really busy with Dvalin situation... And I might be sick of writing/reading Mondstadt as one of the nations who tortured Creator!Reader 👉👈

"Mondstadt."

One might be wondering why the Creator was telling the nation of freedom's name right in front of the said nation but the answer was pretty clear to you as you stood before the entrance of the city with Venti next to you, looking pretty surprised himself with his aqua eyes wide open.

And no, it wasn't to punish someone.

Why was it that everyone thought you enjoyed torturing people when all they ever did was... to make you drunk?

"I'm choosing Mondstadt."

Because, ever since your arrival to the Teyvat, though most didn't trust you and rather tried funny things on you... The people of Mondstadt welcomed you with open arms, even if they were facing a crisis at the time which was "magically" solved very soon.

That was also a test on them and their Archon Barbatos, who went by the name Venti to honor a friend he once did and was unaware how badly things could have turned out had they been...

Well, you got the idea.

Now, Barbatos often prided himself to be your favourite which often got on the nerves of other gods and Archons. But he didn't give much thought to it as he floated around you as a little spirit at the time. Besides you wouldn't have specifically asked him to accompany you to everywhere you went if you didn't feel safe and secure, if you didn't like him, right?

"I see..." Zhongli said somberly while standing right outside the Gates of the city, his amber eyes filled with jealousy and anger directed themselves onto the shorter Archon next to you looking both surprised and proud as he held your hand. He had to pull himself together, however much it affected him, as he thightened his hand into a fist and looked at you with unconditional love and undetering loyalty, no matter whose nation you chose to stay.

"May I ask why, Your Grace?" He softly asked you, with no hint of anger or malice directed to you as you shuffled on your feet anxiously but held your head high. You were obviously the Creator, come on!

Venti looked at you with a turn of his head, his usually pouty lips forming a thight line as his hand naturally found yours. He remembered the first time you arrived, all the Winds and waters were singing and there was a feast of falling star in the sky. He remembered how he rushed to where you landed, the Tree of Vennessa, and were trying to get your balance back on your wobbly legs. His heart thumped inside his ribcage violently at your etheral body, the fact that you chose his land, the three that meant the world to him to ascend down...

He could have fallen on his knees in gratitude eit tears flowing down his soft cheeks and round eyes right then and there.

But what stood out the most was... The fact that you were scared.

And that damned fact made him almost collapse beneath your feet and beg for forgiveness, for something he didn't even know he did.

Please don't hurt me, one simple sentence that he never knew that could cause so much pain to him even after all the battles he fought. How could someone dare to hurt you enough to think that your Archons would do the same, as if they couldn't sense and feel you and your warmth they all once basked in?

Mind you Venti, you awkwardly thought after he explained everything, standing there like a shy kid, that you were the Creator and you had golden blood and he felt you, and cried on his knees for you to believe him as you patted his back and let him hug you thightly. The amount of fanfics I read about this situation made me a little paranoid.

But... Was he grinning and nuzzling closer to your neck?

After that, you were more relaxed. By now, everyone in Teyvat knew of who you were and already started to plan for your arrival in their nations. So far, Liyue and Inazuma were the most eager ones to have you while Sumeru and Fontaine just let you decide when and how you wished to come to their nation and you were glad for them giving you this choice.

But... Well, you didn't really want to leave here.

Mondstadt always stood out to you the most, even after seeing every other nation. Of course they were all special, but Mondstadt was... Home.

Every time you would get hurt in the game, you would immediately seek out to go to one of the Statues of Seven in Mondstadt. Every time you just wanted to stroll around, you would go to Starsnitch Cliff or Windrise and just listen to the nature, absolutely beaming and glowing with you there. It was cozy and warm here...

Then you would always pay a quick visit to the Dawn Winery and Wolvendom to see Diluc, his staff and then Razor and his family. Every time you suddenly appeared in the Winery, or insisted on helping Adelinde out even though the woman begged you not to do that since she knew Diluc would have a heart attack, yet you still did it.

After all, you were the one who cleaned your own home in your world.

Which, by the way, he did just as Adelinde thought every time as you pampered him with a sweet ringing laughter and swiped his soft hair away from his flaming hot face, all the while fawning over how soft and amazing it was and wanted to learn his secret at keeping it so tame.

And may You forbid it if you tease him about the color of his face and even kiss his forehead affectionately?

Now, you would have a very shy and flustered young man clinging onto your touches and love, something he was mostly deprived off, and warmth that couldn't even compare the one his body had because of his vision.

And sweet Razor? The clueless boy would always tug on your sleeves and run around with you, showing every hidden place and then stop and make a makeshift camp for you, eating whatever you found or hunted together. Other Archons would have had a stroke at seeing you sitting down on mud, eating and cooking simple food as you exchanged stories with him from your world as he listened intensely with wide eyes and animated voices.

He was especially into the Supernatural creature stories for some reasons.

Scolding Jean because she never takes a day off, telling Lisa that she was exceptionally bright, assuring Kaeya that he was enough... And then getting yourself into trouble with them by pranking, some adventures and even more... These were all the reasons why you loved here.

Because often, a place feels like home because of the people you met there and those who had an Impact on your life.

With a soft sigh and looking back to the lively city that welcomed you, you spoke with a voice that held many memories. Both from your world, days spent with farming and wishing for them and from this time when you were... Their God.

"Because all of you always saw me as something I have never been for the entirity of my time... A God, the Creator, The Divine, Godslayer, The First Who Came... Which is fine, really, having a lot of cool titles are amazing but..." You rambled off without realizing, worried that your words might piss the Archon off. But why would it?

You were his Creator anyways, and even if you weren't, you didn't deserve to feel bad for thinking the way you did, right?

But they both were just looking at you with soft eyes, clear devotion and understanding crystal clear in them as they only basked in your etheral voice that could bring them to their knees just by itself. Though Zhongli was bitter that you didn't choose to stay in his nation, it didn't mean that you would never visit and have some tea with him, right?

But Venti? Oh the shorter Archon was grinning like a cheshire cat as pride, joy and love filled his entire being.

All for you and because of you.

But a part of him was also smug and all knowing. Because who else would you go to? He was the first one to get to you, help you and protect you. You arrived to his city first, you asked help from them first and you blessed his city, his people, he himself first.

If Zhongli, or other Archons didn't get it then, it was their problem.

Not his.

Besides, he needed to have someone to dedicate his love songs to, after all! And what a coincidence it was that all those songs were about you and you had to listen to them as... The muse itself.

Zhongli was able to read all of these, at least most of it, since he once spent a lot of time with the childish yet strong archon. Unaware of the silent battle between these two that was ready to tear mountains apart for you...You remembered all the times you got to spend with Venti under the tree he usually sat down whenever he needed to pick his thoughts and spend some time with himself.

Alone, as only his winds companied him.

But, after you showed up with bright smiles and a promise to take his mind off of things with your stories or your flower crowns you made just for him because it would compliment him and his pretty face well to which he only accepted with a bashful smile and flushed cheeks, these lonely moments when he would think back to the past and all the mistakes he did turned out to be... A session where you both learnt to accept yourselves as the way you were.

Mistakes and all.

And that was why you were so sure of your reasoning as to why you chose them.

"They have seen me as Y/N..."

They stared at you shocked with wide eyes, perhaps even the other Archons who weren't present heard you and you were sure you heard some people falling behind you...

Must be your imagination.

You shrugged your shoulders and stared ahead of yourself with a small smile and slightly squeezed eyes, both a result of the bright sun that seemed like it felt your own happiness.

Though Zhongli seemed like he didn't understand what that sentence meant... Venti did, and his face visibly softened as a small oh left his lips. His hand silently sought yours to squeeze in assurance, to tell you that he knew what you meant and felt, your own eyes turned to look at him with your own shy smile as you accepted his slightly calloused hands.

Which made the Geo Archon seethe at him even more since... He wished to be the one in Venti's shoes, the one who had your love and affection, the one who you held dear to your heart and close to yourself, much like now.

"They know me as the one who always tripped on their own feet, the one who got so flustered because Kaeya was flirting with them but was being genuine and always made sure I was comfortable. And never once did he hold any malicious feeling as he showed the city to me, I really didn't have the heart to tell him that I already knew every nook and crevice..."

You mumbled shyly with a flush, remembering how it was the first time Kaeya had genuinely laughed and smiled wide as you both came to a stop under one of the trees near Springvale to catch your breath and then eat whatever you wished to do in the village, which was ecstatic to have the Creator in their humble village and served you the best they could.

You didn't have to know, but as Kaeya watched you play with children and then look around yourself as if you were searching for something-no, someone- his heart beated faster as his tan skin darkened in embarrasment when he understood that you were looking for him.

He was the one you wanted to have close to you, he was the one who brought that wide smile to your face... He was worthy enough to spend the whole day with you and you never for once judged him, his past or whatever weight that had been forced on his shoulders since he was a young boy.

But rather chose to drag him towards an opening to watch the night sky and point every star to him, telling him giddily that it all reminded you of him and his one visible eye sparkling at what you said

He made you swear to never tell a soul about the way he cried onto your shoulder and landed a kiss on your forehead affectionately while you patted his back, his almost whole body on top of yours as he resembled a cute koala to you. Because one, Venti would kill him. Two, Diluc would kill him. And three... He couldn't hug you anymore :(

The third one was obviously the biggest reason why, as he pouted at you when you laughed hard at his reasoning, all the while assuring him that you would protect him...

Which gave him yet another thing to think about before he went to sleep, a lovesick smile being glued on his face as he chuckled and giggled like a teenager girl all the while hugging his pillow thightly, hoping that perhaps one day... There would be someone, you, for example, to take over that empty spot.

"They saw me as the one who always made sure that those around them were comfortable, happy and well-taken care of even though they were struggling with their inner demons and in exchange, was equally taken care of and pampered by delicous food."

Because you knew all those young men, women and teens had one hell of a traumatic life and since you weren't able to erase that part or rewrite it... You wanted to at least let them know that you were there for them.

As a shoulder to cry on, a friend to listen, an ear for them to vent... Whatever they needed at that moment. And though they might have been skeptical about your true intentions at the beginning, they quickly found solace within your presence, hugs and love, slithering to your light like moths did to a flame.

Even Diluc, who usually wasn't one for " idle chit-chat" often found himself before you, drinking grape juice together as he told you about his frustrations... More specifically about Kaeya, his brother with whom he re-connected thanks to you.

"The one who was befriended the fastest by the little kids, because they obviously had immaculate sense in new games and story telling from other worlds an enjoyed making an adult suffer for their entertainment."

Indeed, you learnt it in the hard way while playing with Klee. Though you had an amused face as you said this out loud, you underestimated her energy and love to... bomb things, at that time. It was your fault really, Albedo and Jean warned you about it and how she got excited whenever she went fish-blastimg with someone she loved, but even when you met her... You just thought they were exaggerating it.

You were wrong.

They could only slap their foreheads in affectionate anger as you ran away from Klee who was holding yet another Dodoco bomb that was about to explode because she changed her mind from catching the fish to showing you how amazing it was.

And for a second, you indulged with her... That is, until you realized the bomb was about to set off.

"Klee, dear, I think we should really let go of that bomb!"

"But... Mr. Dodoco only wants to meet you! (⁠✷⁠‿⁠✷⁠)" you nervously sweated, thinking how to dodge her without hurting her feelings when the bright eyes of the bomb caught your attention.

"Maybe in better circumstan-WATCH OUT!"

*cue you and her covered in ashes, Klee holding onto your hand as she rambled about how amazing it was throughout the whole time back to Mondstadt while you were shaking from the adrenaline*

"Yeah... It was amazing, dear."

"The one who was always there to pick up the broken pieces of those who acted noncholant and cold, but held the warmest hearts ever." You pointedly looked at Diluc at this part, who came over as soon as he heard that the ex-Geo Archon was here to have a talk with you, watching as his pale cheeks were blossomed with an adorable pink. To be seen as such in your eyes, as a warm hearted man rather than the cold and uncaring one he showed himself to be...

It was an honor.

To hear such lovely words leave your lips was an honor.

Because you were all he had left, after he lost his father and cut all ties with his brother who came clean to him... The only constant thing he had was you.

You who came to him after days of being in Mondstadt, knowing that it was the same night of the same day when he had that fight with Kaeya and comforted him with soft words and your presence right before the fireplace as you both sat together, knees touching. Even though his breaths were laboured, chest contrasting painfully...

"I know it was hard for both of you... But you only have each other, is there really no way for you both to talk it out?"

He listened to you and his heart caved in. How couldn't he, when you were quite literally begging him with desperation and tears in your eyes for him to accept Kaeya back?

Besides, thanks to you... He had his family back now, and both Diluc and Kaeya couldn't be any more grateful for it.

"The one who knew what loosing a loved one meant, but never pushed too far into their comforting and instead let them come to you."

Diluc couldn't help but nod aimlessly as tears slightly dampened first his eyes and then cheek. It was true that you only left there with one question only, knowing how sensitive the topic around Kaeya and his father was for Diluc.

But you just... wanted to pay them back for all the good they did for you, every time they gifted you something heartfelt, made you your favourite food, indulged in your hobbies even though they might not be as interested as you were to them.

And all the time they spent to help you, with quite literally everything since everything was new to you.

You smiled at the fond memory of Albedo and Sucrose, who were trying to explain to you one of their experiments excitedly. Well... As excited as Albedo could be, of course.

But even as a scientist and an artist, there was one thing Albedo didn't realize at that time but much later when he thought back to it: Though you seemed like you understood what they were talking about... You were actually pretty clueless at whatever the hell they were telling you about.

You never were good at chemistry, okay? Not your fault that Albedo was so damn smart!

"The one who didn't always understand what was spoken to them, whether it was way to smart for them or the language barrier but had people to patiently teach them... And later forced to eat all together in the city with others."

Albedo smiled as the same memory replayed in his mind too. The way you often were distracted by the fresh snow in his lab or a colorful show of his newest experiments which made you grin widely with amazed eyes, always brought a smile to the usually stoic blonde man. He might not exactly understand the human nature, and even saw you as some kind of experiment to work on so that he could better understand you, he really liked... The idea of having you around.

He didn't even know when he started to seek for your praises, of your presence whenever you would touch his shoulder softly and urge him to take a break and come with you to either play with Klee or have some warm "sahlep", a warm winter drink from your world that you specifically made for him.

To which he would always agree, no matter what, under the shocked, jealous and impressed eyes of... Well, everyone in Mondstadt.

Because the Creator was offering him something They have done, specifically for him and was looking at him expectantly for his reaction as they swayed a sleepy Klee from side to side on their lap after she drunk the hot liquid.

Did he use Klee to have more of your attention? Maybe... Did he make even more experiments just to have you in Dragonspine? Yes... Yes, he did and he had absoultely zero shame for it.

You clasped your hands together after talking so much, your throat starting to hurt from using it so much since that irritating raspy feeling had made itself visible slowly.

The disappointed face Zhongli had broke you, he looked like a kid being rejected of something sweet. Just because you chose Mondstadt, it didn't mean you hated other nations.

They all had other reasons to love about!

Liyue had more of an enigmatic aura with all the rituals, temples and over all Divine Vibe in them but they also had a lot of rules, though you didn't have to apply them to yourself.

You already dealt with enough rules and strictness in your world, really, so though you liked the over all traditional vibe... It wasn't your first choice.

Inazuma was much like Liyue, though once the strictest one with rules and eternity in all over the Teyvat. Fontaine, though you liked hanging out with many people there, seemed... Cold, though Tsaritsa's land was the one considered to be cold because of the constant snow.

Maybe Sumeru could have been your next choice, but you were still pissy about those mages and scribes who treated your precious baby Nahida like that-

But Mondstadt... It had been the first your created, the first one you saw and stepped foot onto. The first to welcome you and teach you everything, the first to give you a family and a whole lot of friends, the first ones to allow you to be yourself...

They were the apple of your eyes.

"The one who is just... Y/N. That's why I'm choosing them... I'm choosing my home, but that doesn't mean I love any of you less." You patted Zhongli's back with a sorry look that said please understand my point as he did and smiled back. Your comfort and happiness was the most important one after all and if you were the happiest here, though he still sent daggers to a certain half-drunk-of-you bard who was looking at your back with literal heart eyes, he thought he could be... Fine with it.

At least, for you.

"I understand, Your Grace... I just hope that you will come to Liyue soon, which will be waiting for your arrival quite eagerly."

And as you reassured again and again that yes, of course you would... You were yet to know that Venti already carried your words to the certain people you talked about and the whole people of Mondstadt with his winds as the city cried out in joy from having your blessing and love.

And who knows... Maybe, they could have your blessings and love through one another way.

In a more... Romantic and free way.

Bonus Part!

"Oh, but I'll visit Liyue soon! Can you prepare Osmanthus-"

"Nooo~ Your Grace, Dandelion Wine is much much better!"

Zhongli: ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ 😒

You: (⁠ʘ⁠ᴗ⁠ʘ⁠✿⁠) 🤭

Venti: ಥ⁠╭⁠╮⁠ಥ 😭🥹

Also Zhongli: "As you wish, Your Grace..." 😎

[liannelara-dracula]

How would the TG boys act if they found out their s/o cheated on them?

(Sorry if this has been asked before)

Ken:

He had known for a while but couldn’t confirm it.

He waited for more evidence.

Ken even waited for you to come clean but you didn’t

He hadn’t cried or anything he was just confused and he didn’t understand why you had done it.

He would have preferred you’d just talk to him.

He waited for you when you came back and was arguing with you about it all.

“You smell like him.”

“Ken, I’m not—“

“Save it, get your things an leave. I don’t want to see you.”

Hide:

Was in denial about it for a while.

He didn't think you would ever do something like that.

Hide would brush it off at first but looked into it himself.

When he did, he kept it to himself, he didn't ask you about it.

He wanted to, but he also had trouble believing it.

At some point it became very clear to him and he realized he had to confront you because there was no point in keeping this on.

You came home late and he seemed unphased.

"Having your best friend all over you instead of me?"

"Hide, I didn't mean for it to get this far."

"But you knew you were doing it? I've watched you the entire time for three months. You don't sound like you feel guilt, Y/n, you're just ashamed that I found out!"

"Don't say things like that, Hide."

"I'm not putting up with this I'm leaving, we're over."

Ayato:

His ego is so hurt

Honestly to prideful to admit that he cares.

But he does.

Once he found out, he just stormed out of your life.

He didn't want to do anything.

Just by cheating it was enough for him to leave and never want to see you again.

Would get into a fight with the guy you are sleeping with.

Might even kill him.

Would feel that you were a waste of time.

Yomo:

Hurt, he'd never see it coming.

He let you in, he doesn't do that often.

Yomo was certain you were someone who would never hurt him.

He was always convinced that he would ruin it.

But he was wrong, and he hates it.

He felt betrayed and almost couldn't face you but he needed to hear it from you.

"It's true." You'd admit

"Why?"

"Its--things have changed, were not the same anymore. I should've said something--"

"Leave." He'd say, not wanting to here more about your reasons.

"Ren."

"I'm not doing this with you, get out."

Uta:

It's very possible he doesn't give a fuck, because he usually never does.

All of his relationships pass time so he's probably cheating on you before you were cheating on him.

Honestly has no hard feelings about it.

This is mostly because if he doesn't care, polygamy is okay.

If he cares, polygamy is not okay.

Will be really mad and will not want to talk to you.

He will treat you badly and nothing is about/for you anymore.

Is a completely different person and won't forgive you.

"I'm not your boyfriend anymore, Y/n. Don't expect me to help you."

He honestly doesn't want to talk to you about it, he'll just leave.

Furuta:

Oh no, you are dead.

You literally will be dead, I mean, you need to run for your life.

For like years, do not let him find you.

Because even if he does obess over you his ego is hurt and he will not tolerate it.

And if he's obsessed it will be much worse.

Very abusive, and psychotic about the whole thing. He'd even gaslight you into thinking you don't deserve him.

"I love you, I give you everything, you fucking whore!" He'd argue throwing something at you.

You'd apologize in tears, mostly due to fear not anything else.

Knowing him, he probably just thought you cheated even though you didn't.

He'd consider anything you do cheating.

Takizawa (ghoul):

Do not do this to him.

He doesn't deserve this, he gives you everything.

Loves you with his heart and soul.

This is basically the last straw for him, like he will not go and be with someone else.

In fact, he might just be mad for a while but still stay with you because he loves you that much he just wants to start over.

Taki would be very hurt deep down and even if he took you back things would be different.

He wouldn't be able to treat you the same after everything.

He still loves you but it hurts to know that you don't love him the same.

He found out on his own by just observing you when he thought things were suspicious, but he wanted to trust you.

"You know I just can't understand why, Y/n? We have everything go so well and you just--"

"I'm sorry--"

"Sorry doesn't work! It's not a small mistake!"

[defnotbee]

█▓▒░𝙁𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙙….…𝙙𝙪𝙢𝙗𝙖𝙨𝙨░▒▓█

Scara said he needs time to process everything after your apology... yet you haven't heard from him for the whole day which honestly made you a bit worried... Was he even thinking of forgiving you?

You know you messed up badly... so you decided to go on Twitter to let your heart out on your private account, when you noticed Nilou's post... her concert is in 1,5 week in your city... tickets are still available so... why not give it a try?

Despite not being biggest Nilou fan, you bought 2 tickets to her concert, as closest to the stage as possible. Once you did, you took the screenshot of them and sent it to Scara. Not necessarily to win a friend with money but to make it up to him and yourself, and to show you're seriously sorry for hurting him.

Well... maybe he hasn't responded but at least he read it... But you decided to not think about it for too much and just go to sleep with thought you did what you could.

The next morning you woke up, there was still no answer from Scara... you just accepted the fact you'll never go back to being friends and got ready to school, like usually. Ending up getting books from your locker, when you noticed one missing... it was your match book...

Y/N▹"(Have I left it at home...? I guess it's possible... and not the first time either...)"

You sighed and tried closing your locker, just to find someone's hand blocking it. When you looked behind you, you saw no one else than Scara!

S▹"When will you learn to not put your books on highest shelf?"

He asked playfully annoyed as he took your match book out of your locker, from the highest shelf and handed it to you.

Y/N▹"Said 160~"

S▹"Still taller than you."

You couldn't help but smirk a little at your banter, it felt like nothing ever happened! You didn't wanted to ruin it but... you just had to make sure he forgived you...

Y/N▹"So... we're good now?

S▹"Well... someone seems to really be sorry... and I noticed you deleted your little hate page. So let's call it a second chance, okey?"

Y/N▹"Sounds good enough to me!"

Seeing your face brighten at his words, he couldn't help but also crack a smile of his own.

S▹"Here's the smile I missed~"

Y/N▹"Awh~ Seriously?"

He then realized he said his thoughts out loud... but instead of blushing, he just ruffled your hair and stepped away from your locker with sly smirk.

S▹"Don't start bragging about it."

Despite you being quiet for now... there's no way you won't bring it up in the next days! And both of you knew that well~

[akiumzeno]

A love letter to Haru Tsugino

Is this an analysis? Maybe.

While Fuyu is my favourite character bar none, today, I gained a new emotional appreciation for Haru in the form of relating to him. And this is just me jotting down my thoughts as I go through his past.

MAJOR ZENO SPOILERS

When we start with Haru's memories, we see him talking about how everyone bullies him at school and making fun of how he is unloved by his parents. He begins contemplating what love is and what does it look like.

And of course, that sort of thing is natural. He doesn't know it because he was never raised in a home with loving parents. How can he know if he's never experienced it? His parents love his sister but not himself. They're capable of loving him but it's not given to him. And he can't understand one bit of it.

The next thing we see, he goes inside his home and tries to say hi to his "mom" with no response back. Unlike himself, when his "father" and "sister" announce they're home, his "mother" does reply back. He soon gets kicked out of the house by his "dad" and forced to watch his family eat together while he remains in the cold. In his household, he's only invisible. He's not acknowledged, let alone loved. And he tries so hard to get himself to be acknowledged by being a good boy, getting good grades, smiling, etc.

And that hurts. Trying to achieve things and trying to be the best you can be in order to not be ignored, yelled at, or punished by the people who, despite everything, you look up to because it's a natural instinct to. It's a natural instinct to love your parents and want to be loved by them. But it hurts to only get that in return through achievements and that may not even work all the time.

Why can't our parents just love us as we are? Why do we always have to prove ourselves to be loved? We try all the time to gain that but we'll never be enough. Is it so hard to love us like that? We try to be good, we try our best. But the best isn't enough for them.

One day as Haru is at a shed on a beach, Aki and Natsu run inside and Haru hides away. But he later sees Aki begin to eat Natsu as Natsu's selfless act to help fulfil his desires and let him remember her while she's still herself. It's an act that would hurt her, would kill her. But she accepts it because it's all for her brother.

And this moves Haru. To be hurt by someone, to be dying because of them but still be able to say "I love you and forgive you" to them. We're all messy humans with flaws. We do bad things, we make mistakes. We hurt others, and we make people cry. But to still forgive those who hurt you and love them, that's a love so beautiful. And he wants that so badly. For someone to say "I love you with all your messy flaws and you're not unloveable because of what you do. I'll love you no matter what".

And so, he begins searching for that.

Every time he makes a new connection with someone, he immediately tries to kill them and get them to say that they love him despite what he's doing. But of course, none of them do. They don't know him well enough for them to accept his version of love. So every time, he gets a 'no'.

Eventually, his parents find out about his murders and scold him and call him a monster for what he does. And he's had enough of them. Their "love" is not love and never will be. Love is not trying to be something else so that they will love you. Real love accepts you as you are. Real love is unconditional.

He tries to get them to say "I love you" to him as he threatens them but it's not genuine and he knows that. And so, he kills them out of anger for lying and because he sees no purpose in them if they can't love him.

But this creates a sense of emptiness. If his own parents can't love him when they're meant to be the people who love you no matter what, then what hope does he have? No one will ever be able to give him his ultimate love. So his desire to kill others---his form of love---goes away. In fact, so does his voice. He can't say anything now that he believes his life has no purpose.

Then that's when Aki comes back into the picture. But instead, as his doctor. But, Aki's heart can see into his so easily. Seeing that he is disappointed and that's why he doesn't say anything. And that's when a connection (of sorts) is formed.

And as they get to know each other more and more, Haru begins to learn more about Aki. He's caring, he genuinely wants to be friends with Haru, he shares his treats, he's open, he's warm... These traits make Haru fond of Aki and become close to him. But at the same time, he's also confused. Why is he treated so nicely? Every time someone has treated him nicely was only because he was acting good. But he doesn't act his happy, good self. So why is he treated like this?

People have only hurt him time and time again, never giving him love. So why does this person do so? What for? Why? Why is he being treated like this? Why can he be treated like this by someone who's not his family but his own family treats him like crap? Why?

And then that's when Haru sees Fuyu and Aki fighting and he learns that Aki has killed people before. He later asks why Aki did so and ends up spilling his own feelings out to Aki. He lets himself be vulnerable and lets himself just talk about his feelings. And Aki listens carefully.

And for once, he feels understood. For once, someone understands him. To be accepted no matter what, to be loved no matter what. He so desperately longs for it because he was never given that type of care and affection.

Love me. Love me. Love me. Please just love me. Accept me for what I am. Love me for what I am. I'm dirty, I'm messy, I'm not a good boy. But love me even though that's what I am. Please give me love.

Those feelings bubble up until he wants to kill Aki and get that love. And he tries and fails to kill Aki. He ends up separated from Aki. And he ends up contemplating his existence.

Is there a love out there for me? Does it exist? Or does it not? Will anyone ever love me? Or will everyone just reject me and there's no purpose?

(Vent session, you can skip if you wish)

Everyday I try to appeal to my caregivers. I try to act good, I try to get good grades, I try to never yell at them or act mad with them, I try to never cry in front of them. But no matter what I do, I get ignored, yelled at or punished. The few compliments I receive from them tend to come from when they're speaking about me to strangers. Whenever they talk to me, it tends to be only yelling and throwing insults at me. Whenever I cry in front of them, they shout at me and roll their eyes.

I remember how my dad said to me that he wouldn't have given birth to me if he knew I was autistic. He did try to say something after that to discredit what he said but I don't even remember it. All I remember was those words. I remember those more than anything else that happened that day, moment or second.

I also remember how he said that my mother once got up in the middle of the night to go to the airport and take a flight somewhere to abandon our family because she was tired of us. She ended up being convinced to not leave my family. It happened while I was a kid and I had no idea. And that hurt. I remember crying at that moment.

But despite this, I try to convince myself that maybe I'm wrong. They do love me, just in their own way. They just want me to be better. They're still people, they're not perfect. They love me. I'm not someone who they regret having in their life. I'm not that. Please love me. Love me. There's love there, right?

But each and every time, I only get beaten down and cry because I feel unloved.

I keep trying to seek love from them. But it feels useless. I hope that one day they'll love me. I keep hoping. And I keep trying not just because I want their love but also because if I don't try, I'll get yelled at.

And it's hard for me to seek love from someone else. Every time I've tried to make friends, it doesn't end well because I end up getting bullied. I'm trying to open up my heart more but I'm not sure if it'll ever be open again. Only the future will tell.

Back to your scheduled ZENO talk.

Sometimes I wish I could meet Haru himself. I wish I could tell him about my life and say I understand how he feels. I want to give him love. I want to show him that love does exist and it's out there. Maybe I could let him kill me and eat me up. Maybe.

And I wish there's someone out there for me that will do the same. I hope there is someone out there who will love me for me. I want that. But I don't know if I ever will get it. And that's scary. But I have to keep trying. I have to. No matter what.

[ech0schamber]

I am STARVED for akutagawa angst. I am begging!! I need a fic, where reader and aku know each other through the port mafia. Right? They get close 🤭 BOOM?! One day she leaves like dazaii?!!! 🤯 (omg) he is obviously betrayed. BUT THEN (drumroll) CONFRONTATION. He finds her again. How will it end up? Could he ever forgive her?? 🤔

ahhh, i really hope that you don't mind that i'm sticking to the bulleted headcanon list like my other posts! i'm really bad at writing drabbles (is that what it's called?)

☆you had worked for the port mafia for quite some time, slowly working yourself up the ranks

☆during that process, you had become close friends with this emo cat. akutagawa had actually started to admire you after a while. it seemed like no matter how hard the job, or how injured you got, you always got right back up with a cheery smile on your face

☆he would eventually become fascinated by you, but who wouldn't? you seemed too nice to be a part of the port mafia, a little too happy as well. it's like nothing in the world could actually get you down

☆let's pretend that was all a façade tho! it's exhausting to work for mori, especially since it doesn't seem like he cares about the members of the port mafia unless they are a higher up

☆you never let it show, but it was really starting to wear you down. each scar you got was just another reminder of what hell you were put through everyday

☆i'd like to think that even akutagawa never noticed this. the two of you had become really close friends, he'd even fight to keep you safe if you got too badly injured during a mission, something he doesn't do for anyone (besides gin)

☆it was kinda obvious to everyone else that aku liked you. but you were an oblivious fuck /affecationate

☆it got to the point that people started to take bets on who would ask out who first, when you guys would actually get together, or if you guys would get together at all

☆don't judge them, it can boring at work sometimes

☆but of course, some stories don't get a happy ending :]

☆you had grown too exhausted from the work you had to endure everyday, tired of the scars that litter your body, and just tired of dealing with mori. you had run away, left everything behind. you wanted a new life for yourself

☆of course, you wanted to explain to akutagawa first. you had debating telling him for a full week before you decided against it. it was going to hurt, but you had to leave. akutagawa would for sure try to keep you in the port mafia, he saw no point in leaving this life style

☆so instead, you had packed the bare necessities and ran away like a dog running away from a scolding. you didn't have too much money, so you couldn't leave yokohama. you didn't think too much of it, yokohama is pretty big right? there's no way that the port mafia has power over all of it

☆and your plan had worked. you actually managed to get away from the port mafia, you had settled down and found a job at a small shop near your place. it wasn't the best work in the world, but it made you happy. you had finally found peace through the raging storm

☆it had actually been a couple of years before you ran into any members of the port mafia. you had probably changed the way you look now, but not drastic enough that no one would recognize you

☆and of course, it was akutagawa that you ran into :]

☆the port mafia had been informed that someone who looked like you was working for the same small shop. of course someone was gonna rat you out, you don't exactly get to just leave the mafia without some conflict!

☆mori had decided to send akutagawa for this as he'd be more likely to recognize it it was actually you or not

☆so there he was, casually strolling into the shop you worked at. he immediately recognized you, and was filled with a bad mix of emotions. fury, betrayal, sadness. he almost started a fight with you before you even noticed that he was there

☆thankfully you had noticed before and shooed him out of the shop before the owner started to question things. he oh so casually threatened you, stating that you better explain everything before he used roshomon on you

☆while you didn't explain all of it, you did tell him that you were tired of the life style that came with being part of the port mafia. you had grown tired of the constant fighting, of constantly worrying about your life, tired of the scars, just tired of it all. you were shaking by the time you were finished speaking, you added that you just wanted to move on and make something good out of your life. you only life once, yeah?

☆you also told him that you wanted to tell him. you didn't want to leave him in the dark like that, but it wasn't safe to do that. if someone had found out that he knew where you were, they would torture him until he finally let up. you were too scared to tell him, and it still hurt like hell that you had to do that to him

☆little did you know that aku had finally managed to gather his feelings up, and was about to ask you out before you left :,]

☆he didn't speak much during this confrontation. it hurt to find this out, it hurt to see you again. all those emotions he managed to bury came flooding back, except for the love he once carried for you.

☆you had finally managed to ask if he would forgive you. you were met with a simple "no"

☆it hurt, but you could understand why. you were more shocked when he talked again.

"But I won't tell the boss where you are."

☆he, of course, didn't let you respond to this before he turned and walked away. you couldn't help but smile at that. maybe some stories have a bittersweet ending

☆and he kept true to his word, he reported back that it was just a misunderstanding, that it was simply just someone that looked like you

☆but now you two avoid each other in public, not wanting to stir those emotions back up. let's hope that mori never sees you. im pretty sure he will kill you if he does

-------

i hope this is angsty enough :']

[androgynousblackbox]

Welcome to Hazbin Vale. 2 [Appleradio]

Good morning, listeners. Your good friend Alastor is here once again. Today you may forgive me for not being on my usual high spirits, for I find myself rather annoyed.

But Alastor, I know you must be asking. What could possibly annoy the always friendly and law abiding radio host that we know and love? That doesn't sound like you at all! I know, I know, I am nothing if not patient, dear listener, but even I have my limits. There are certain things in this world that must not be tolerated.

That weird static is there again. Please ignore it.

Unfortunately, until that weird static calms down, I am afraid that I will have to keep the suspense alive. For now, let's start today with our favorite piece of news: the obituary!

It seems that last night the old man Jenkins has finally passed away. This morning his neighbors were congregated around his house, in front of the open door. It was a disaster inside, you could see it even from the street, like a hurricane had stopped by and stayed a bit longer than planned. Tragic, absolutely tragic. Jenkings was a tolerable member of this community who we all could more or less remember clearly.

If only his own curiosity wasn't getting the best of him. That was always one of his biggest flaws, whether he would admit it or not. And his imagination, my! He had a bit too many, especially after just a few beers in the local pub. Oh, I know that those who were there know exactly what I am talking about.

Babblering on and on about all these strange and unexplicable murders that happened in our town. Talking about how once this was a pacific and normal place where everyone could feel safe. Truly delirious, that poor man. I almost felt pity siting next to him and hearing his incoherent conspiracy theories. He was convinced that someone in our precious and wise community could be the responsible for those deaths! I could not believe my ears when I hear it.

He even said he had some kind of proof that he was planning to give some friend reporter. But I am sure that if someone were to have a look all over his house, like that hurricane seem to have done, they wouldn't have found anything at all out of the ordinary.

So, clearly, that man was just suffering of some kind of brain tumor that was pushing against whatever rational thinkings he had left after a lifetime of wasting away being a parasyte for society. Quite pitiful.

Of course I had to help him out get home. What kind of monster I would be if I left someone so obviously unwell to go completely on their own at the mercy of the night? Obviously I don't mean it for anyone in our town.

But there are beasts out there who won't stop no matter how much you beg. Creatures that feed on your screams and laugh on the face of your demise. Things that no sane mind could ever hope to comprehend.

I am talking about raccoons, if it wasn't clear enough. Those damn monsters have been making a disaster out of everyone's garbage lately. So this is your friendly reminder to please lock up your garbage tight and keep it close, where it should have stayed in the first place. Don't share no matter how much you want to make a conversation out of it, like some other people could. Some things are best left unsaid.

After a lovely conversation about the stock market, I was off my way. For any police officer who may be listening right now, Husk, first of all, fix your hair, you shouldn't be judging anyone with a hair that messy. Second of all, how about lay it off with the donuts? If you want a heart attack so badly, goodness me… you just have to ask.

Indeed, everyone is going to miss old man Jenking. If I may give an advice, save the ink on the wanted posters. There are dogs who would appreciate the attention so much more and it would be infinitely more productive. At least with the dog there is a possibility to find them.

Unless a raccoon got them. But who would want to hurt the best friend of men, right, listeners? Only if they barked at the wrong moment, I suppose, bringing unwanted attention when it's the least convenient for everyone else. But they tend to be smarter than that. Beasts know to bow down when a bigger predator is around, after all.

The family of old man Jenking haven't officially dennounced his death yet, so I guess this is kind of a spoiler? I imagine it will take around a week for the idea to fully sink in. Someone could probably accelarate the process by showing what was left of our dear old pal. If only something was left in order to do that.

Please, forgive me if I laugh a little too much. I just keep thinking of an old joke I heard one time, one that has nothing to do with what I am talking about right now. I can't help it. Oh, but you wouldn't get it, dear listener. You should have been there.

Ah. I did needed that pick me up. I think I am on a better mood now to relay to you what soured my morning. After I do, I do hope you understand my state of mind.

I was on my way to the station when I remembered, silly me, that I forgot to buy something for lunch. I had a bunch of new meat to prepare, but nothing to accompany it! I was thinking so much about that old joke that it completely slipped my mind. Naturally I went to the supermarket and there, right there, in front of the dairy products, was the single most offensive view I have ever seen on my life.

He was a tiny man. Minuscule even. Such a small being that I could probably hold it on my pocket and squish it until his eyes pop out. Even at a distance I could see that his head wouldn't even reach my own chest. What kind of man lets himself be so small and vulnerable? Don't you have any dignity or it doesn't fit inside that microscopic frame? At least use some heels, women do it all the time!

So that was the first insult, dear listener.

But then this tiny man took out the sun hat that he was wearing and his hair was so stupid that I wanted to vomit right there. Yes, listener, as you heard! So stupid, shiny and silky, as if nobody in this town has anything better to do than to stare in awe and imagine what would it be like to caress it with your fingers. What a grostque display of vanity! How is that even allowed in public? Who gave this tiny man the right to have that stupid perfect hair? Second insult!

Oh, if only had ended there, dear listener. Maybe then that could have been just an unpleasant memory and it could be it. But he wasn't alone, you see. He was talking with that clerk with an eye patch that says "my creepy comments" on here are hilarious. I think her name was Cherri? I don't know what she means by that, but as long someone appreciate my work I guess they can't be that bad. I might even forgive her for what she did next.

She presented us! Right there! With no warning or preparation prior! Because I talked about that damn new toy maker that just moved to town on the last episode, she thought she was doing me a favor by just telling me that this tiny man with the stupid hair was that toy maker all along.

The one time that the youth decide to pay attention to what I say and this is what I get!

Lucifer Morningstar, said his name was. Have you ever heard about anything more pretentious than that? I seriously doubt that is his real name at all. Husk, if you ever want to do anything useful in your life, you should check on that. Someone with that hair and that tiny body and those big stupid blue eyes could never have a name like that. It can't be real. The feeling in my gut is telling me so.

And he said that oh, I was just getting to know the town and everyone told me about you. Oh, and are you really the radio host of this town? And oh, that must be so fun and your job must be great! Oh, I will have to take a listen sometime!

He just wouldn't stop! I wanted to grab him by the collar of his shirt and shake him until he felt as dizzy as I was getting listening to him! I would shake the answer out of him if I had to!

WHY IS YOUR SMILE SO WHITE!? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?! I KNOW YOU MUST BE HIDING SOMETHING. NOBODY IS THAT NICE AND PERFECT!

AND CAN SOMEONE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT STUPID STATIC ALREADY, I CAN BARELY HEAR MYSELF HERE.

Oh-oh.

FUCK!"

"Apologies, dear listeners. We seem to have an sudden power outage. Luckily we have back up power regenerators while the fusebox is getting repaired. It seems to have exploded out of nowhere for no apparent reason at all. How completely unrelated to anything we were talking about here.

I had time to calm down now. I am good. Just don't pay any mind to the red splatters outside of the building, I am sure it's nothing. Maybe some teenager's new graffity or something as inocuous as that. That would explain the abandoned shoes I had no time to pick up.

Anyway, I think I didn't even finish my story, did I? Well, after that very horrible and disgusting encounter, "Lucifer", if that is even his real name, said that he was looking forward to opening the toy store with some of his new inventions real soon.

Clearly a money laundering scheme. Husk, look it up. Why it has to be me the one to tell you to do your job?

I think we all learned a lesson today, dear listener. Some things are best left unsaid and sometimes people should stay on their own towns and not comes to new places to talk with new people who didn't ask for them to be there. Sometimes change can stay unchanged. Sometimes change can be bad and quite upsetting. Why would you wanna risk it?

Ah.

Now, the weather…"

[whenthemoonbleeds-if]

Heyo Hanyeul, hope you don't mind me popping in again. Incoming angst 🔥 In the most distressing and excruciating way possible, what could the MC do to break the LI's hearts? If it happened, would the LIs be able to forgive them if the MC begged for forgiveness?

Assuming this is in like a dating stage, not a marriage stage:

Do Hyun probably would understand if you treat them badly. Though they did have a reason, they still betrayed you previously. However, if you were to hurt their brother, it’ll take a while for them to open up to you again. They’ll probably forgive you if their brother forgives you.

Yeon would feel betrayed if you were to cheat. They are extremely loyal, and to have their trust betrayed like that would be very heartbreaking for them. They’d likely forgive you if you begged, but they wouldn’t get back into a relationship with you.

Yi Rang would also feel betrayed if you cheated. They’re a bit more lenient in the line between cheating and being flirty than Yeon, but I think emotional cheating would hurt them more than a sexual kind. They get more upset at themselves than you, actually. They share their vulnerabilities with you, but to think that you have to seek someone else to achieve comfort makes them wonder if they are truly good enough for you. They would forgive you, and if you were to convince them that they are good enough for you, they’d give you one more chance.

Haram often puts MC on a pedestal. And they are also very insecure, considering the way they’ve been treated in the past. So they view you as a higher being that can’t do anything bad, because you’re the only good thing that’s ever happened to them. Even if you were to stab them to death or cheat on you, they’d probably forgive you even if you didn’t beg or apologize, thinking that it’s their own fault.

Now if you hurt children, animals, or elderly, all of the ROs would be put off with that. If you were to mistreat those who need protecting, who literally can’t do anything to hurt you, how can they trust you in a relationship to not do the same to your own children?

[msfbgraves]

But does Daniel ever truly forgive Terry? You wrote one time that Daniel would pray to the Madonna to find the strength to leave Terry, but then he’d feel so much love for him (and the pups) that he couldn’t do it. But you can love someone deeply and passionately and still not forgive them. And that is such a difficult thing for Daniel—sweet, loving, faithful—Daniel, to truly leave in the past. I wonder if Terry sometimes wishes he could stop his past self from ever doing such a thing, and casting this shadow over their marriage.

Well, I'd never thought I'd end up debating the nature of forgiveness when writing that first little installment of Knights and Pawns. If you write long enough, you end up asking yourself the Really Big Questions, huh. Or indeed get them asked by lovely anons.

Daniel and Terry have certainly reconciled, except that Daniel didn't know the full extent of Terry's betrayal at first and that one of his pups gets hurt in "business" a few years later, which is Daniel's worst nightmare, apart from any of his puppies dying. You can't forgive people completely if you don't know the full extent of their wrongdoing, and then they hurt you again. But even if that hadn't happened: does forgiveness mean you don't mind you were hurt at all, or does it mean you stop holding it against someone?

Daniel, under a lot of outside pressure, has decided to stop reproaching Terry or trying to enact some kind of revenge. But he hasn't stopped thinking that Terry's act was awful, or somehow started thinking that Terry didn't know what he was doing. Still, he and Terry want to focus on the love they share (rather than in CK, when Daniel wants to do anything but, and only Terry wants to focus on the good times as he remembered them). Does he understand the underlying discomfort in Terry, of being an outsider in a tight knit group of Italians? Likely, yes - but that doesn't justify any of it to him. What matters to Daniel is that Terry truly values what they have and has come to really care how Daniel feels when he didn't in that way before - he cared about himself more then, when he didn't know what he had. Does Daniel actively hold it against him and treat him badly because of it? No. Is it a sore spot? Yes. Is it a sore spot that reactivates when he gets hurt again? Yes. But that's more because I can't imagine how something like that stops hurting. I can imagine accepting an apology and being on good terms again, though.

As for Terry: does he really understand he had no right to do something like this to anyone, no matter who it is or how it affects him personally? I think not, how could you kill people otherwise? Does he regret his actions toward his Danny boy? Bitterly. But even though he apologised near instantly when he saw how he had hurt his darling omega, he still felt entitled to his Danny's forgiveness. He still didn't want to give Daniel the option to be free of him. If for some reason, he'd done this and Daniel had pretended not to be hurt I'm not sure he'd have been all that sorry! He's not sorry he's done it, he's sorry he's hurt Daniel so much. Had this been someone else he didn't care about, I think the act himself wouldn't bother him. He wanted something, he could take it, so he did. He takes people's lives too, and isn't sorry at all.

He's a mob boss.

[ilikeyoshi]

sorry i'm having a bad day anyway so now you get to watch me get pissed off about the infinitely less important thing because it's easier to talk about: i fucking HATE shit like that last post. i don't care. nobody cares. and if you DO care i am, as sincerely and genuinely as i can, asking you to get the fuck over yourself. this stupid social media attitude of "you didn't reblog it from me :(" "you missed my post i tagged you in do you hate me :(" made my anxiety a million times worse for YEARS and it's still one of the lingering problem areas. i HAVE to catch up with my dashboard every day because i used to have friends who ACTUALLY SENT ME MESSAGES ASKING IF I HATED THEM because i didn't see a post they tagged me in.

this is like. as unhinged as "you didn't laugh at the joke i made on the other side of a crowded room, do you hate me?" if this is a thing your anxiety does to you i am BEGGING YOU to fight it and recover from it. this is deranged fucking behavior. this is exactly how you fulfill the "everyone always leaves" anxiety prophecy—it's not because people hated your post, it's because people hated how you're always accusing them of hating YOU.

and i know, i KNOW how hard it is when anxiety is telling you everything that ever happens is proof that you're unlovable, but sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, as someone who was PSYCHOLOGICALLY HARMED by too many people giving in to their sickness and treating me like the worst person on the planet because of it, you NEED to get the fuck over it. you NEED to work on this and get help, or you WILL keep losing friends. NOT BECAUSE THEY DON'T LOVE YOU. but because when you let anxiety make you constantly ask people if they secretly or unspokenly hate you, what you're DOING is TELLING THEM you think nothing they ACTUALLY SAY OR DO for you is real, and that you believe it's ALL FAKE and they HATE YOU. it DOES NOT MATTER if you don't mean it this way, that's WHAT YOU'RE DOING. and nothing hurts more than giving your heart to a friend just to be told your words and actions will NEVER be enough, they'll ALWAYS assume you secretly want to hate them and ruin their life. THIS is what drives people away. you NEED to fight the urge to succumb to this. you NEED to heal this.

look. i have debilitating anxiety too, and it used to be this bad. i know where you're at. you're sick. it's not your FAULT you're sick. but that DOES NOT MEAN we can just GIVE UP and let our sickness run rampant and control our lives. you will hurt people you love this way. being sick means accepting it's not your fault and accepting that you have to fight through it and try to heal anyway. we can't just let it ruin our lives or expect others to 100% forgive everything we do because of it, because the thing is, our sickness HURTS OTHERS TOO. it makes US hurt them, and then tells us IT didn't make us hurt them, but THEY hurt US. most people cannot handle "your symptoms make you believe i am the bad guy" forever, particularly when you're leaning INTO those symptoms instead of fighting against them. they will leave. and it will NOT be for the reasons anxiety told you it was.

and listen, despite all this, despite this cruel and vicious cycle, you DESERVE FRIENDS. you DESERVE to feel safe in your relationships. but there is not a human person on this planet who can just GIVE that to you. when anxiety is corrupting your own mind this badly, the way out is to FIGHT IT. you have to HEAL, so that anxiety can't keep RUINING YOUR LIFE. you are not unlovable. most of those people who left you STILL LOVE YOU. but you cannot ask someone to love you while constantly telling them you don't believe them forever. they will leave to protect THEMSELVES. they will leave because you've let your anxiety hurt them too.

i still cannot fucking handle missing posts. i cannot handle being friends with people who TELL ME i missed their post. i'm trying to heal from this too, but i need you to understand that this is why i would've left. you let your anxiety hurt others long enough, and they get sick too. we have to fight for ourselves and each other. we deserve love and safety, and anxiety seeks to deny us that. it will, if we don't fight for it.

[mysticfemme]

Hey mystic I’m so sorry this has happened to you. You don’t deserve to be treated like this.

As someone who’s been cheated on before and then taken them back, here’s my two cents. Feel free to ignore it if it doesn’t serve you.

First thing I learned:

Cheating stems from unmet needs, yes. However. By cheating my ex made it obvious that she didn’t want to communicate what needs I wasn’t fulfilling.

I actually had no idea she had cheated at all until we broke up for good. After it was all over a mutual friend of ours happened to mention that the first time we broke up, she had actually tried to ask out someone else immediately after. She got rejected, and then a month later she asked if we could ‘try again’. I had no idea this had happened.

Second thing I learned:

If they cheat once, they’ll do it again. They’ve broken any trust you had with them, so now they either become more secretive or -in my experience- more blatant because by going back to them you’ve shown that you don’t care if they disrespect you like this. My ex started to ignore me. Even to the point that I saw her drag another girl away told god knows where while I was actively trying to talk to her to congratulate her for a school film project she’d gotten an award for. That night she broke up with me, and sure enough our mutual friend (who had no idea we’d gotten back together) told me that the girl and my ex had been dating. How long? No idea.

Third and final thing I learned:

If the apology is vague, they don’t mean it. A few years later my family moved out of that town (we were in high school if that helps at all) and she messaged me over Instagram trying to apologize now that she knew I’d be gone for good. It was vague. She never directly admitted to doing anything wrong. She never told me about the people she left me for. She wanted to ‘still be friends’ because she cared SO SO SO much about me as a friend. But like I said- the actual important part? The part where she disrespected me and our relationship? Crickets. That’s how I knew I just needed to ignore the message and move on.

I too asked myself, ‘what if this is the best I’ll ever have? What if this person is my only shot at a happy life?’

Honestly, that’s a real and valid fear. But after some time my answer to that became: is it really a happy life if I’m with someone who doesn’t respect me? Is it really a happy life if I’m constantly monitoring them to see if they’re cheating? Is it really a happy life if they refuse to communicate and instead just hurt me because they know they can get away with it? Because I’ll always take them back?

That’s not a happy life to me. I crave romance so badly. I feel incomplete without it in my life. But I realized that I’d rather be alone than with someone who disrespects me.

The good part of that though is: it won’t happen. I won’t be alone and neither will you. This relationship wasn’t my only option and it won’t be yours. There’s someone out there for us that will treat us with the love and respect we deserve, we’ve just got to keep putting ourselves out there when we can and try not to hide ourselves away from the world. We deserve to be loved.

I hope that helps. Like I said, it’s just my two cents feel free to ignore it if it doesn’t serve you.

thank you anon, I really appreciate all of this. sorry it took me a while to get to it, I've been a bit overstimulated and tired today.

I'm sorry you went through all that, that's a really awful position to be put in by someone. at the moment I just don't know, how can you believe someone when they say they're willing to change? and can I forgive the months of feeling like a clingy burden because they couldn't and wouldn't spare time for me? I just don't know. I've been in bad relationships before and I always think I recognise the signs but I still seek the best in someone and honestly I don't know what's real and what isn't anymore. Am I willing to risk my self respect, and the possibility of it happening again one day - pushing back my healing process even further? I don't know.

It's so unsure at the moment but you are right anon, we deserve to feel loved and cared for no matter what. It's just where we seek that love and care that's important.

[icharchivist]

percy villain arc sounds hot though

apparently Belial mindcontrol him in gbvs and forces him to turn against the people he loves (i also know i go bonkers over how Belial calls him "Paashii" which is the nickname only his family gives him. (Vane calls him "Paasan" -- the localization translated both nickname "Percy" but they hold different weight). Adds to how to provoke him and to corrupt him you have to twist his association to his family in his mind.)

also therefore it's worth mentioning, his Alter Ego look.

(tho gbvs probably doesn't work on the tits argument since they gave him boobs there and i'll never forgive them for it)

Anyway point is that, i did think about it before, because yeah. It's interesting how in the story he is the only one of his brothers who didn't get corrupted in some way, who didn't sway into doing evil things ever. He managed to balance out his trauma (that still affects him still!) and managed to mostly do good out of it, where his brothers' reaction to their trauma, as extremely different as they were, ended up pushing them into different evil path.

And while i do like this arc for Percival (i have a thing for "younger siblings take the whole burden of the family and somehow manages through it more responsibly from their older siblings as they have to manage how the older siblings are collapsing", makes me vindicated as someone who hates seeing fandoms reduce younger siblings as carefree people who can never understand the burden of their elder siblings), i do love also the idea of him snapping.

because yeah he's been holding his family on together, and while thankfully he can face what's happening with Lamorak with Aglovale this time, compared to how fighting Aglovale came with a whole other level of burden, i feel like eventually at some point he's been holding everything together much enough that he could snap.

Like i could imagine once both of his siblings are stable enough, that Percival ends up having this burden off his shoulders and because this is off of him, eventually the weight of everything he's been through all this time finally falling on him.

Anyway i don't really know how badly he could go on the evil path per se but i feel like him ending breaking could be a really good storyarc.

also i feel like, with Percival just trying desperately not to lose anyone else, hear me out, i'd really love to see his reactions and see if he would break if he believes MC died. For reasons. personally. Like it can work with his brothers too, but i feel like MC would be the stronger argument with how positive their influence has been on him and how it's MC that allowed him to stand all the harsh moments of his life and all of that. so i wonder if believing MC had died, or is suffering, or something, could make him snap because so far he's managed his trauma and grief by keeping it firmly in the past and making sure nothing like that happens again, but if it does happen again to the one person he managed to open to unconditionally, how hurt would he be?

AND SO it would be very hot. That's my final argument.

not like i overthought any of that or anything.

[todayisawthewhxlewxrld]

You've never felt this kind of sadness, it was drowning you. Ever since you saw him with her you immediately knew there wasn't any part left in his heart for you. No matter how much he said he didn't want her and he wanted you he just didn't look at you like how he looked at her.

How you longed to be the one Gojo looked at, your his "girlfriend" you should be the one he's looking at, staring at lovingly, always trying to hang around you. Instead you see him with another girl everyday, it's the same one. He looks at her as if she's hung the stars in the sky and honestly you think she might've with how much adoration just pours out of him whenever she's around.

You didn't know that he loved her until he came home one night to you, crying about her. They'd gotten into a pretty nasty fight and she was ignoring him when he tried to make amends with her. You nodded along to his sobbing ramblings as he went on and on about her as if she was his girlfriend and not you. And at that moment when you heard that he was begging on his knees for her to forgive him at her door in the rain, standing you up for your date together. (you haven't had a real date in months.)

So you left him, it hurt you so badly to leave but you couldn't keep handling it, the looks, the insults, the lies he constantly fed you. You felt as if you were going insane.

He was supposed to be someone who should've been yours, someone who was should've loved you instead of her, someone who cherished you. He promised that, over his heart his eyes filled with determination; hell you feel so foolish to have ever genuinely loved him, when he clearly never loved you. If he loved you, he would've tried, he wouldn't have stood you up, he wouldn't have basically left you for her while still your relationship.

Lord you couldn't take it, and the Lord knew it too. But they kept torturing you, at least it felt like torture.

It's another day without Gojo, you've gotten used it. He's with her again you assume and you don't even try to fight it anymore. Everyone knows it's a losing battle, even you. So you cry, and scream, and yell, and sob all over your house. You have half a mind to wreck the place, but you don't. Instead, your done with it. All of it, it might hurt without him but it hurts even more being with him.

You've been without him for months now, you can get used to years. You start packing erasing everything that you put in that house with Gojo. That you two bought together a huge step in your relationship you remember Gojo lifting you in the air and looking at you with adoration as you squealed and laughed as he spun you around.

Smiling slightly at the memory, you break down into sobs again, at the thought of leaving him. Almost second guessing yourself; almost deciding to stay to see if it works out in the end. Almost. A moment of weakness you fought it back enough to pack the rest of your things, get them into your car, and drive away without looking back. If Gojo wanted her that badly then you'll let him have her, you don't have to be in the picture anymore; you just didn't understand why he'd do this to you.

You don't know what she had compared to you, but you knew it wasn't much. You were with him since the beginning, in highschool with him; you two are were highschool sweethearts. Tears leak out your eyes like a broken facet and you thought you couldn't cry anymore but look at you now. So you pulled over, and connected your phone to the radio allowing Spotify to just pick a song. As you got back on the road.

I made a promise.

All you've done for him, was just thrown away at the sight of her and honestly you couldn't accept that. You just couldn't, all the sacrifices you've given, uprooting your entire life just for him. And he'd given all the love you gave him, for him to her.

To distance myself. Took a flight through Aurora skies.

These past few months all the emotions you've felt is just sadness, rage, and confusion. Stopping at a red light, you try to not think about him. Try to not think about how he's not going to know that your not there anymore until most likely two days later. You only left him a note, since he doesn't answer his texts or calls from you.

Honestly, I didn't even think about how we didn't say goodbye. Just ‘see you very soon.’

Pulling into the drive way of the fully furnished house you already bought weeks ago. You get out the car, and start unpacking everything. Opening the door, the house was void of any life a clear sign of a brand new start. Even though you didn't want a new start, you wanted the life promised by gojo, you wanted to wake up and see that this was all a dream and he was still yours. But, this is reality. He isn't yours, and he never was you've just never noticed.

It hurts to be something, it hurts to be nothing with you.

~☔&💫

truly all i feel is anger and i have a faint urge to take it out on the gojo in my own smau.