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wheresmymilliondollarman · 2 years ago

Note

reader x xander Hawthorne please 🥺

xander hawthorne x fem!reader

hcs about meeting & dating xander hawthorne

a/n: HI IM BACK! & tysm for the request!! xander is so underrated 👎 thats my bae fr🫶 currently working on other stuff but wanted to do this request bc i immediately had ideas for this!! i still don't completely get how school worked in the books, so if there's any wrong info please bare w me. if this wasn't what you had in mind feel free to send a specific request! again, this is kinda fic like but still calling it hcs.

word count: 7.3k

warnings: long backstory again, mentions of death, sexual themes. (pls lmk if you see anything else that should be labeled as a warning)

you’ve always lived on the middle side class of things. you were, thankfully, never poor, but also never rich enough where you could afford the more luxurious things in life.

your mother owned a small bakery 3 blocks away from your home, while your father worked for an electrician company. both jobs were stable enough to provide for necessities and both your parents enjoyed their occupations.

your parents always told you to never worry about money, but it still made you reluctant to ask them for things you wanted in fear they couldn't afford it. which is why you always tried to fix your problems yourself.

if you ever needed money, you would work for your mother at her bakery in exchange. while it was still your mom giving you the money, it made you feel better that you earned the cash.

you later found yourself working at the bakery even without needing money. you liked working with your mom, and it was fun to learn how to make different types of sweets.

at school, you were always a studious person. you worked hard to get a's and never anything below. you wanted to make your parents proud and feel as if their hard work toward the family wasn't for nothing.

you knew it would be practically impossible for your family to afford your college career without going into debt. so you always looked at scholarships and what they looked for in students, so you tried to make yourself appear well-rounded.

you joined student council, mathletes (although math wasn't your forte),library club, chess club,art club, film club, yearbook, culinary club, asl club, and a few others over the years. to say your schedule after school was always booked was a major understatement.

although your favorite was always the art club. you never even knew you had an artistic side until you joined. you explored it more with your membership and soon became quite good.

during your freshman year you took your first art class. you were excited to learn under a professional for the first time.

after a few lessons, your first major assignment was realism project; draw somebody in your everyday life.

you were both excited and a bit nervous. you had drawn people before, but never someone you knew, and you wanted to make a great first impression on your teacher.

you ended up choosing your mother as your muse; your father could never stay still enough to be drawn. it took a lot of long nights when your mother wasn't working to finish your drawing. you could've just taken a photo of her and drawn that, but you pushed for the extra mile of drawing her from real life.

you were satisfied when you finished, and your parents were in awe by your work - telling you over and over how talented you were and your teacher would surely be impressed. still, you were anxious about turning it in the next day in class.

your assignment was a big hit with your teacher, you got a perfect A+. she commented on your beautiful handiwork, noting that your drew from real life. she also advised how you should consider switching to an advanced class since it was obvious you were already beyond a beginner course.

you wanted to decline at first, being intimidated by the thought of being in a class with others who were just as good or better than you - but your gut instinct told you it was the right choice to make.

it proved to be right because by the spring you were already one of the best in your art class. you expanded into all types of art: abstract, realism, expressionism, digital, etc. your favorite and most notable works tended to be the realistic ones of people, place, and objects. art had become a part of your life in the best way.

you entered a numerous amount of competitions and always come back on top; it got to the paint your shelfs had all been filled to the brim. you parents of course were elated with your success and were never prouder.

you soon were able to make some money with your art skills as well. you got commissioned for mainly portraits of family and friends, mostly to give as gifts or to have in their household. it made you feel proud someone out there had a piece of your art and that people loved your work enough to want you to paint their family.

the biggest commission you've ever taken was a 40x30 portrait of an older man. the request was anonymous, so you weren't sure who the man was or if the request was for himself or another person.

the project took a few weeks due to your work load and having to paint such fine details on a huge canvas. you were happy with the outcome and were astonished to find out the anonymous buyer had given you 10k for your work. it was way over your normal pay grade.

your success didn't end there. in the summer before your sophomore year, you received a fancy envelope in the mail. it was addressed to you and sent from heights country day school.

at first, you were confused as to why they would send you anything. everyone in texas knew of heights country day, it was one of the best private schools in the state. almost all parents want their kids to be a student there, but the tuition was awfully expensive, so if you weren't rich you were most likely not getting in.

you didn't wait to tell your parents before your ripped open the envelop in anticipation. you unfolded the letter inside and skimmed over the introductions.

you were shocked to find out you were being awarded a full paid scholarship to attend heights country day school for the rest of highschool.

your first thought was to assume it was a prank, or a scammer trying to get your info. but you examined the letter further; the seal of the school and the dean signature did look quite authentic. then you noticed the number listed on the bottom of the page.

you figured you should just call and check for confirmation. you told yourself the worst case scenario would be they laugh at your face and tell you the letter isn't real.

you definitely did not want to inform your parents until you made the call, that way if it wasn't real, their hopes wouldn't be crushed and they would never even know about it.

it took an hour of pacing in your room to finally work up the courage to make the call. you kept tour expectations low to avoid disappointment.

the secretary of the school was quick to pick up after two rings, and you briefly explained the letter you received. you held your breath for a second until she told you to "please hold for a moment."

when she returned she informed you you were being transferred to the dean's phone. your nerves were through the roof at this point. you wanted to believe it was a good sign the dean wanted to talk to you, but maybe he wanted to tell you himself the letter was unfortunately a phony and they do not give scholarships to art students.

the dean finally picked up the call and you both exchanged greetings. from there he explained how the letter was, in fact, very real.

the school had seen a work of yours and dug deeper into your portfolio and academic career. they were very impressed with your achievement, especially given your age. the board was all unanimous in agreeing to offer you the scholarship because of your artistic talents and would love for you to become a part of their school.

the rest of the call was a blur to you. when the call ended you stood stunned in your room for a minute. you had to pinch yourself to remind yourself this was real and happening.

once you snapped out of it, you were jumping up and down in joy. you truly were elated to possibly be a student at one of the top private schools in texas or even the country.

you wasted no more time informing your parents when they arrived home. they also thought you were just pulling their leg, but after you told them you had confirmation - you swear their jaws hit the floor.

your parents were just as excited for you. your mother took the liberty of baking all your favorites in celebration, even lemon scones, which were your favorite.

before you knew it, summer was over, and it was time to get back into school. you spent the rest of your break prepping to attend heights - gathering books, supplies, and a uniform (which was mostly paid by the school).

this was your first time wearing a uniform, and you were a bit delighted to wear it. it was a burgundy blazer with a navy crest embossed, with the school motto in latin, a white dress shirt, and a pleated plaid skirt.

it screamed, "i go to a really expensive private school."

it was nerve-wracking that you were now going to school with some of the richest and elite children in america. you'd hope it wouldn't be obvious where your social class stood, or if it was, they wouldn't think of you any less for it.

you did your best to stray from stereotypical assumptions, but then again you've never interacted with people of a such higher social class - you really had no idea what to expect.

nonetheless, you wanted to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, so you held your head up high when the first day came around.

the school in no way looked like a regular public school, it shared way more similar qualities with college campuses. it was beautifully constructed, and you had a feeling the inside was even more stunning.

your parents dropped you off in front of the twin archways of the school, wishing you a good first day, and they were only a call away if you needed anything. you responded with your goodbyes and now stood on the pavement of heights day.

a part of you was glad your parents left so soon; you loved them to death, but their older modeled car stood out amongst the other deluxe cars parked and driving into school grounds. the last thing you wanted on your first day was to stick out like a sore thumb.

you took a deep breath before you took your strides through the front door.

you were happy to see no one gave you obvious looks and stares when you walked through, like those of a movie. everyone seemed preoccupied with their own things. you were silently thankful for that.

you made your way to the office on your own; luckily it was very near the front entrance with a big sign that said 'office of registrar'. making it very easy for you to find it without having to awkwardly ask another peer.

you walked to a desk of who you assumed was a secretary and gave her your name and stated your business. she instantly recognized your name and made a swift move to hand you your schedule.

the secretary informed you about the school's modular scheduling, which means they operate on a six-day cycle, and classes meet anywhere from three to five times a cycle. you were free to fit in lunch where you saw fit. you honestly didn't quite grasp it, but you figured you'd just learn along the way.

she also let you know another student had been assigned to show you around school. that's how you ended up meeting rebecca laughlin.

rebecca was a shy and a bit nervous girl, but seemed sweet nonetheless. you briefly got to know her as she showed you the different rooms; the archive room, the reflector (basically the cafeteria you realized), gym, the art center etc.

she was in the same grade as you, and had a twin sister named emily also in the school. from the small mention of her sister you sensed it was likely a sore subject. you took over from there talking a bit about yourself and your interests.

rebecca mentioned she was also new this year, having moved to texas just recently with her family but frequently visiting before that. she was able to go on a private tour with her sister over the summer, which is why she knew the place quite well already.

you two chatted a bit more until the tour ended. the last stop was the art center, and you were more than thrilled to go inside and check it out. rebecca was about to enter along with you before she saw her twin sister and people who you assume were her friends , a boy and a girl.

you turned around to glance at them and saw they were waving her over. you could tell rebecca was hesitant to just leave you for them, but you reassured her she provided an excellent tour. she reluctantly went off toward her friends, not before giving you her number and letting you know if you had any questions you could reach her.

you took a peak back at where rebecca and her friends were walking away. they all look straight out of a teen vogue catalog. emily was identical to rebecca, same red hair, eyes, and face. you could tell emily was more confident than rebecca however. there was another girl, dark eyes and even darker brown wavy hair - she was so beautiful it felt unreal. and lastly with them was a boy, he was quite tall, dark-skinned with light honey brown eyes, and a head full of curly hair. he was handsome and easily fit in with the rest of the model-looking girls.

you must've looked a second too long because he turned his head in your direction and you both made eye contact.

you quickly snapped your head away,not waiting for his reaction, and made your way to the arts center. you cursed yourself for being caught looking a bit, and now you were slightly embarrassed.

when you reached the arts center, you were amazed. it was a big building with different rooms, it was decorated as if was a museum, marble floors and pillars, archways, etc. and everything about it was engaging.

you took the time to explore the whole place; you found several different art rooms you assumed were open to students, different supply closest, classrooms for teaching, and even a few soundproof rooms. at some point you ran into a few teachers and got to know them and what they taught. you had a few of them in your schedule, so it was great to know where their classes were.

before you knew it, it was time for your first class and then eventually to your last of the day. for lunch you had opted to eat what you brought from home in the archive because you didn't feel like going through the anxiety of finding somewhere alone to sit in the refectory.

it ended up being ironic because you made a friend in there who was also eating lunch. you were sitting alone at small table when a blonde haired girl with her lunch approached you.

her name was mia, and you both instantly clicked. mia had noticed you eating at the table alone and thought she'd introduce herself since she hadn't since you on campus before. she was also a sophomore, seventeen, and she was part of height country day dance team.

she has almost always eaten in the archive since her freshman year; she enjoyed the quiet and privacy since few students ever ate or hung out there too long - you both had that in common.

after that great first meeting, the two of you became best friends. you would occasionally have a class or two with her depending on the schedule, but you both always made time to see each other throughout the day and eat lunch in the archive room.

she later on introduced you to a few of her other friends, that were now your friends as well. they were all pretty wealthy, but it didn't change the fact they were all genuine and friendly people. the fear of making friends at your new school was gone by the end of your first week.

that's set up the rest of your fantastic first year at heights country day school.

you fit in immediately with the art center and other art peers. you all carried the same passions, and it was very fun to learn from others. of course, you all intimidated to be around people so advanced and mostly rich, but it only pushed you to work even harder.

your teachers were all so great. they were also tough critiques, being professionals and all, but you took any critique you got with stride- making you a better artist.

your non-art-related classes were more difficult and work-loaded than you were use to, but you were quick to catch up with the rest of the class.

a few kids at school were stuck up and pretentious, but mostly the students weren't too far off from normal teenagers. and like high school there were cliques and popular people. you never bothered yourself with any of that, yet you always heard three reoccurring last names - hawthorne, laughlin, and calligaris.

you knew laughlin meant rebecca and emily, and it didn't take you long to figure out the other last names must belong to the other two people she was with during your first day. it made sense to you they were well-known, just their looks alone made you feel like they're superior to you.

you could've asked mia or literally paid attention to gossip around you if you wanted to know the first names of the boy & girl with the laughlins, but it honestly slipped your mind. frankly, you were too occupied with navigating your new school life to really care too much about it.

the most shocking event to happen that year was the dead of emily laughlin.

you weren't close friends with rebecca - you two did have a few chats and texts here and there; she once or twice joined mia and you in the archive. but you still felt horrible her sister died and felt the need to reach out.

you gave her your condolences when you saw her back at school, and let her know you were there for anything. she thanked you, but you could tell she needed space to grieve.

you still felt the need to do something, so you came up with the idea to make her a portrait and gifted it to her wrapped. you didn't see her reaction to it (she opened it when she got home), but she let you know she deeply appreciated it.

after that the rest of your year was quick to come and go. and before you knew it, it was summer again.

your summer stayed uneventful, but fun. you worked almost full-time with your mom in her bakery and spent time with your friends.

one afternoon, you were working the counter and you saw a familiar face walk in - a certain handsome, honey-eyed, curly-haired guy.

you greeted him as you normally did customers and asked for his order. he replied, asking for blueberry scones.

you nodded and went to get the scones from your display. that's when he spoke up again, commenting on how he'd seen you from school.

you were taken aback he’d remembered you but you nodded agreeing and replied you were new sophomore year.

"what happens to be your name, baker girl?"

"y/n. and what happens to be yours, new customer?"

he gave a dramatic offended look, hand over his heart - "you mean your telling me you don't know the name of the most dashing man at heights country day school?"

you shrugged, "i suppose not."

"when then i ought to fix that, the name is xander, milady," bowing down to give a kiss on the dorsal side of your hand.

oh he was charming alright.

to hide your blushing face you busied yourself with packing his scones into a paper bag and rang him up to the register.

"very serious question...how do you feel about blueberry scones?"

"they're good, but i think the lemon ones are better."

you've never seen someone look so taken aback as xander did in that moment. he looked as if he'd just got the news his favorite boy band broke up.

"are you alright-"

"what do you mean you prefer the lemon ones!"

xander then went into a tagent on blueberry scones stomp the lemon ones any day, and only psychos favored the lemons. you countered his claims, defending your favorite treat. you both were going back and forth until a bell rang throughout the bakery, signaling a customer has entered.

"i suppose that's my sign to take my leave, but trust this debate is not over."

you rolled your eyes playfully, but you fought back a smile at the implication you two would speak again.

he handed his black card to pay, and you tried not to look astonished at his casual display of the card. as you were swiping his card, he pulled a scone out of his brown bag and laid it on the counter in front of you.

"here, it's my treat. this is the start of my fool-proof plan to convince you blueberry scones are far more superior."

you tried to decline or offer him a refund for that scone, but ever the gentleman, he wouldn't allow it. he was out the door before you could protest anymore. leaving with a, "until we meet again," and a wink.

you hated yourself for liking his annoying handsome beautiful smirk.

as he requested, you did eat the scone. you admit blueberry is delicious, but nothing compared to the citrus of your lemon ones. plus, you found a new motivation to keep favoring them.

that was the first of xander's many visits to the bakery that summer. always the same order, and always leaving one for you to eat. he really was on a mission to change your mind.

sometimes out of spite you'd slip in a lemon scone into his bag to rile him up when he opened it. it always resulted in xander coming back the next day throwing a dramatic hissy fit. you kinda found it cute.

you two continued your light banter about scones, but ventured into different topics such as school, hobbies, and exploding robots (his favorite topic). even as you worked behind the counter aiding customers, he was there talking your ear off. not that you minded at all, it was nice to have someone other than your mom to talk to.

you found out xander was very smart; he builds replicas of star wars droids and was a three-time world champion at building machines. you'd never known someone with such intellect. whenever you brought it up, however, he'd brush it off saying it's a family thing and his brothers are much wiser.

you briefly got a synopsis of his family, and it was quite intriguing. he had four half-brother; nash, grayson, and jameson - all sharing the same mother, but none of the boys' fathers seemed to be in the picture. all of them were basically raised by their grandfather, tobias hawthorne, who was obsessed with riddles and games. he sounded like an interesting man to say the least.

you opened up to him a bit about your family and getting a scholarship into the school. which now looked not as impressive talking to a genius yet, xander was amazed at this, asking to see some of your work.

you were suddenly self-conscious about your art. you thought a rich guy like himself probably had seen hundreds of artworks better than yours and done by people younger than your age.

so, you lied and said you didn't have any pictures, and that you'll show him another time. you're gonna stall that as much as possible.

you guys later exchanged numbers, now being able to communicate outside your bakery hours during the week.

xander favorite thing was to spam you with pictures of himself eating blueberry scones, and you swore you were gonna block him everytime.

summer went by in a flash, and the school went back into session; you were entering your junior year.

xander and you continued to hang out all the time, even more than you did with your own friends. he was always the one to find you around school, no matter the schedule you had that day.

he loved to sneak up on you and jump scare you, making your heart leap out your chest everytime. you would hit his arm in retaliation everytime and swore you were gonna unfriend him if he didn’t stop. you never actually did though.

xander made sure to pull you out your comfort zone. he sometimes dragged you (sometimes physically) to the refectory to go and eat with him. occasionally, his friends would join as well. rebecca was easy to talk to since you already knew her, and thea was…. complicated, but she had her good parts once she warmed up to you.

you then demanded xander eat lunch with you and mia to compensate for eating at the refectory every now and then.

he obliged, but you told him it was better if he didn’t after he got kicked out the archive for talking loudly. he swore the archive keeper had it out for him.

he continued the ritual of giving you a blueberry muffin made by the chefs of his home. sometimes you'd bring your own lemon scone and give it to him, negotiating that you'll eat your scone if he eats his.

he'd always agree, but eat it begrudgingly. you swore he was warming up to the scone.

you two took your hangouts to after school. if you worked, it'd be at the bakery and if not, you'd go to the park and just walk.

you invited him over to your house one day after school, xander excitedly accepted. you were a bit nervous he'd think poorly of your home since you were sure he lived in a glorious mansion.

you introduced him to both of your parents, and they greeted him kindly, but your mom embarrassingly asked if he was your boyfriend.

you were quick to make a joke to cover your pink cheeks, "mom, we'd never work out we have complete different tastes in scones."

xander cut in, "well, you know what they say, opposites do attract."

was he flirting with you, or were you reading into it? and why did you like it.

xander ended up really enjoying your house; he even once said he found it more peaceful than his own. so, you guys now frequently hung out at your house after school to talk, banter, study, and or even help each other with projects.

even though you tried to avoid it, xander ending up seeing your art.

it was unintentional; you were seated at a table in an art space working on a sketch, of whatever came to mind, with your earphones in. you didn't hear xander walk in and call your name.

you noticed his presence when he swiped your drawing book. you quickly took out your earphones and tried to reach for it back, but he'd already seen your drawing. and to make matters worse it was a sketch of him.

you were mortified, but he just looked at it in admiration.

he asked if you made it, and you shyly said you had.

"can't believe you were trying to hide your talent from me. now, as an apology ur going to let me keep this."

you immediately said no, and went to take it out of his hand. but xander was quicker and took the page from the journal and held it above his head, out of reach.

after a lot of jumping to reach it, which was required because he's very tall, you gave up and let him have it. xander was pleased with that, and has carried it everywhere in his wallet since then.

he now always pestered you about your art, wanting to see it or wanting you to make a piece for him. you had to admit, you found it flattering.

to make it fair, you wanted to see him in action working on something. he was delighted to show you his robots, and some of his process making them.

you were amazed at his talent, but he could be careless at times.

for instance, you two were in the lab room and you were watching him working on a new formula to fuel his robots. he turned on bunsen burner and before you knew it, it exploded.

he ended up with a missing eyebrow, and you were laughing hysterically. you still have pictures of him without it much to xander's dismay.

you knew you'd grown a crush on the charismatic guy, but you were too scared to admit it.

you weren't sure if he felt the same way, and a part of you felt silly for even thinking he would.

you confided in mia about it, and she was convinced xander was head over heels for you. but you still weren't quite sure, and you didn't want to damage a really good friendship.

in middle of october, xander's grandfather, tobias hawthorne passed away.

he wasn't at school that day, but you assumed he was out sick or doing something important. it wasn't until you heard the news from peers talking about it did you put it together.

you immediately sent him a text sending your condolences and asked if he needed anything.

you didn't hear from him for the rest of the week, which worried you - but you knew, like rebecca, people tend to want their space when loved ones pass.

it was a friday night, you were studying for an upcoming test in your world history class on monday, when you hear a sound from your window.

you ignored it at first thinking it was a wondering animal or just trees against each other. but then you heard it repeatedly, and you realized it was sounding more like a tap against the glass.

you carefully slid your curtains from the window and took a peak outside. you then came face to face with the boy you hadn't seen all week.

it took you a moment to register it was him, you yelped at the first sight of someone outside. but then he started motioning for you to open the window and then you noticed it was xander hawthorne.

you unlatched the lock on your window and slide it open enough he could fit through. but it didn't stop him from tripping on your window still and falling onto the ground with a 'thud'.

"shh! my parents might've heard that!"

"wow, instead of helping a poor fallen man up, you scold him. what ever happened to warm hospitality?"

you ignored him and held your hand out to help him up. once he was stood up, you waited for him to explain why he was here.

he went on to say he didn't have a specific reason, he just needed to get out of his mansion home. "the first place i thought of to go was here, with you."

you swore your heart leaped when he said that. you were praying to whoever was listening that your face wasn't a tomato. how do you even respond to such a heartfelt statement?

luckily, you didn't need to respond to that because he was quick to follow up his words.

"actually, you seem to be the first person i think about every day. no matter what i'm doing, I'll start to think of what'd you be saying if you were there. anytime i see the sunset, my thought shifts to what it look like if you painted it. hell, i've even found myself eating, yes eating, lemons scones because they bring me reminiscence of you."

xander crept closer as his words flowed out. and you were frozen to your spot. heart pounding louder as he took another step closer to you - leaving less than a foot of space between the two of you.

unsure of how to react you said the first thing that came to mind.

"well, uh, maybe you should think about inflation that usually keeps my mind busy." idiot. why do you open your big mouth.

xander gives you a grin, obviously amused at your nervous rambling like the little jerk he is. he was so close to you, you were embarrassed at the possibility he could he your heart pounding.

he moves his right hand to the side of your face, brushing his thumb over your cheek - eyes never leaving yours. you didn't have the strength to look away or even move, as if he was a vampire who compelled you to stay still.

"i've never known someone to get red so easily as you."

you then realized how much of your face was burning, and then after that statement it heated up even further. stupid nervous system.

"i didn't think your face could get a deeper scarlet than it was a moment ago," he laughs, "it's quite adorable honestly."

oh, god. this guy had your heart fluttering at after calling you adorable.

"i wonder how red you'll get when i kiss you."

you did not have a moment to process what xander utter because at the next second his collided his lips upon yours.

nothing prepared you for how exhilarating kissing him felt. your knees gave out a little, and xander was quick to keep you steady. you weren't even ashamed, stuck in a trance by the kiss. it was as if a scene from a jane austen novel had come to life.

boy, was he a good kisser. it was unfair really, how perfect he could he at anything he wants.

when the two of you pulled away, he was the first to speak up.

"you're about as red as crayon right now."

that was enough to bring you back to reality and shove him.

immediately after that night, the two of you began dating.

at first you thought it was unsaid that the both of you were now dating, but you should've known better than to believe xander hawthorne would take the subtle way.

the following monday you were in the refectory waiting on xander, who'd ask you to meet him there. however, you hadn't seen him yet, so you just sat down at an open table.

suddenly, you hear some sort of a mechanical noises coming from behind you. you turned you heard toward it and nothing could have prepared you to see a life sized R2-D2 robot gliding straight towards you - holding flowers in its utility arm.

what the hell was in your breakfast that morning?

when it made it way in front of you, you were completely stunned. you could feel the gazes of people in the room also witnessing this. the robot look scarily realistic to the ones in the star wars movies, xander really was a genius.

the robot extended another arm to reveal a small envelope. you took it in your own hand, along with the flowers.

WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?

a. yes

b. a

c. kiss me

you rolled your eyes at his antics, maybe genius was an overstatement. then you noticed some scribble at the bottom.

p.s. NUTR NUAORD

at first sight of the words - you thought you were having a stroke, but then you figured out you had to unscrambled it to reveal the words 'TURN AROUND'.

of course, xander was always one for puzzles.

you follow the directions of the note and saw the man himself standing before you with a basket full of both lemon and blueberry scones.

"a tough choice, i know. personally, option c is the most appealing."

you wanted to smack the smugness of out him, but instead you opted to answer with letter c.

dating xander was chaotic to say the least, but you wouldn't have it any other way.

you two were never allowed to go on ordinary dates, xander always made sure they were memorable.

for your first date he took you to an escape room, but reserved the whole thing just for the two of you. xander was obviously a pro at the game, but you were quick to figure things out as well. the two of you got the quickest escape time.

at the end of it, he gifted you gold chained necklace with an 'x' and a golden key. you wore it all the time after.

another time you were taken to a amusement park, also reserved for the two of you. you clung on to xander on the scariest rides, much to his enjoyment. it wasn't until the end you saw how there had been pictures taken of you both while on the rides - your expression being fear on almost all of them while your arm was tight grabbing xander's. of course his face was just his charming giant grin of excitement.

he made sure to keep them all and put it as had lock screen despite how much you told him not to.

xander was now way more lenient about the lemon scone thing, and you can proudly say he even enjoys them now. nonetheless, the tradition at lunch is still on-going.

the most nerve wracking part of your relationship was meeting his family.

you learned just how rich xander and his family are. you knew he came from a lot of money, but you were never informed he was related to a billionaire. you couldn't comprehend how having that much money was possible, but xander, of course, acted nonchalant about the whole thing. rich people.

his brothers were all pleasant to meet. nash was the nicest, similar to his brother, he was a charmer with a country accent. grayson was more closed off, and didn't say a lot, but greeted you nicely. jameson, was a wild card, he was a bit drunk, but everyone collectively chose to remain obvious to it. he was also very flirty with you, but you knew it was mainly to annoy xander.

apparently it worked because the following day jameson was found with green hair.

you were introduced to his aunt and mother. his aunt was also pleasant, keeping greeting formal. his mother was.... interesting... the interaction was small, but based on some remarks and backhanded compliments; she looked down on your lower status. xander was quick to defend you and apologize after.

you later were asked to open the front door with a jumble of keys that all looked the same. you assumed this was suppose to be a test of some sort, but you weren't a mastermind at puzzles games like the other hawthornes.

instead, you found a big rock near the front entrance and smashed it against the door locks until they broke.

the brothers looked all bewildered at your action. xander was the first to burst out laughing, come around you to wrap and arm on your shoulder and kiss your forehead.

"that's my girl. who needs logic when you have big rocks."

xander was your biggest supporter in everything. he loved every piece of art you made, and never let you scrap or throw any of it anyway. anything you ever drew or painted him, he would keep it framed and hung in a section of his room dedicated to your work.

he shows up to every art show you have, bragging to people around how his amazing girlfriend painted the work. you always blush in embarrassment, but it never failed to make you happy.

you showed the same support for his activities as well. you cheered him on at my robotic competitions and you were his assistant in helping with small tasks during his building and experiments.

xander made robots were mainly made for doing simple things in overly complicated ways. he also occasionally gifted you robots for small annoying tasks you would offhandedly mention to him.

for instance, xander was walking you to your next class, carrying your backpack as he always insisted it was his job to do. you joked about how you wished he was always around to carry your stuff so your arms wouldn't be so tired.

a few weeks later he gave you a small robot designed to carrying items such as a backup and books. he even gave it wheels so it could follow you around the school like a puppy.

with xanders extroverted personality, it shouldn't surprised you he is not opposed to any PDA. which thea always gags to in the background if she's there to witness it.

he always has his arm around you, preferably your waist, or interlocks your hands together. he loves to gives you random kisses on the forehead or cheek. xander's favorite thing is to surprise you with a kiss on the lips in public, just so he can see you blush.

your first time with xander was very romantic and he made sure it would be. there were candles all over his bedroom and rose petals scattered on the ground.

although xander was known for being a bit cocky, he was just as nervous as you that night, wanting to make everything special just for you.

once he made sure you were comfortable - it was like a switch flipped - his cocky persona was back ten fold.

let’s just say the next day you couldn’t feel your legs, nor could you hide the multiple purple marks left on you.

of course, ever the gentlemen he was - he made you breakfast in bed the next morning.

you were even more shocked to find out that was his first time. why is he miraculously good at everything?

you hung out a lot more at the hawthorne mansion, xander showed you different passages around it. the house was so huge it felt like you've only ever seen 50% of it.

you grew closer to the other hawthorne brothers, taking part in family game night. you after a game of their version of chutes and ladders, you were quick to turn down some offers to play a game.

you also became good friends with avery grambs, you had first met her at the will reading, xander inviting you for moral support. you related to how out of place her and her sister felt around highly rich people.

the events of the will were shocking, but you were happy to find out she'd be sticking around. her moving into the mansion made it easier to hang out with her. you helped her adjust to heights country day and became close.

you and xander both helped avery with what you could in solving the clues his grandather left behind for avery and the hawthornes. although, you kept quiet about the fact xander knew a lot more than he was telling.

however, xander was reluctant to let you join them on anymore research after almost getting shot at when you went along with avery and jameson.

you’d never seen him so mad at his brother, cursing him up and down for putting you in that situation.

xander was insistent for you to stay behind from then on, but you relented and kept tagging along with the others on their little scavenger hunts. xander realized he couldn’t stop you, so he forbid you from going on any clue hunts without him by your side.

it was cute how protective he was, but a little annoying too.

one day you were walking around the mansion with xander looking for jameson, who had wondered off to who knew where. you came across an unfamiliar office. you had asked xander who it belonged to and he informed you it was his grandfathers, now technically avery's.

the two of you entered the office space, you figured xander was curious if anything had changed since his grandfather's passing or if he had maybe left another clue behind.

you were looking around until you eyes came across something behind his desk - a large portrait of who you assumed was tobias hawthorne. upon further inspection, you came to realize another thing.

you painted this portrait.

"holy shit."

even beyond the grave tobias hawthorne keeps on spurring surprises.

#the inheritance games #the inheritance trilogy #avery grambs #grayson hawthorne #jameson hawthorne #nash hawthorne #xander hawthorne #xander hawthorne x reader #xander hawthorne fic #xander hawthorne imagine #x reader #x y/n #reader insert #reader imagine #fanfic

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tending-the-hearth · 10 months ago

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saw a comment abt how continuity-wise branch being part of kismet pre-trolls 1 doesn't technically work bc he fully refused/didn't sing until "true colors" and somebody said that instead of being one of the singers/showmen, branch wrote all of kismet's music + lyrics, and came up with everything, while the other four were the performers, hence why poppy freaks out when she sees all of kismet (bc she definitely would have recognized branch as part of kismet if he was actually singing with the group)

and that leads me to thinking abt john dory's comment towards branch about how he never wrote any of brozone's songs, and branch immediately getting defensive, and that hc being so so fitting because branch knows he can write songs, his kismet bandmates know he can write songs, and i need someone to get me a fic of kismet being the MOST over-protective found family over branch as soon as they meet branch's brothers immediately pls and ty <3

#bonus points if the snack pack is involved #branch getting unwillingly adopted by the snack pack is my favorite thing ever #welcome back the trolls hyperfixation is still happening #trolls #dreamworks #dreamworks trolls

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feuqueerfire · 9 months ago

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The Sign Live Blogging

I was supposed to watch Only Friends after Pit Babe but then took over a week off of watching new shows because I had to write a Pete/Kenta fic and now instead of Only Friends, I'm watching The Sign.

I know incredibly little about this show except it involves Billy and a guy I don't know, there's monsters? sci-fi/fantasy elements? cops? I watched like a few tiktoks/gifsets from eps 1 and 2 but those didn't give away much. Also, there was angsty stuff going on in this show during that week when Pit Babe ep 10? aired and [redacted] [redacted] and Last Twilight was getting a lot of flack for ep 12 but I can't remember if it was because somebody died or not

Anyway, here we go, hope to love it, as always.

Ep 1 (Feb 20)

1-1

Ah, I for a split second wondered if that person was gonna betray them... but was like nah, this is just the beginning and we don't know anything, would they would that rn? maybe that look was meant to signify that he's gonna get himself killed by being stupid? but ig they would make him betray them (though was that a real hostage or also a dummy?)

ohhh we got powers here too? Jeff in Pit Babe needed to touch someone to see their future but ig it's just visions at random times here?

I wish the first 10 minute fight sequence was shorter because we knew nothing but the last 3-4 minutes was interesting because we see more of the characters at play beyond just fighting

1-2

Ah, it was a little educational test. I knew it was about cop training, so I guess this makes sense

Were the censored butts necessary lol

ohhh people don't believe Tharn can see the future and would make fun of him

Ohh Tharn's visions often include Phaya

Also at first I didn't get what iron rod they were talking about but I rewatched and seems like there are iron rods protruding from the poles

Man, Chart's gonna be like Winner (Pit Babe) isn't he? But maybe more skilled and so less pathetic but more dangerous? Equally annoying maybe?

Does Tharn like Phaya already?

Are the guys who keep calling each other Baby dating for real or is this a joke? So many dudes, can't keep track of who is who

omg are Tharn and Phaya becoming friends aw

I just realized from the comments Chart is Kawnah (from KawnahTurbo and TharnType's Lhong)

1-3

"a sign in your vision but couldn't stop it" oh is that why this is called The Sign

Oh Chart is gonna already? delightful

oh wtf, a sea monster?

woah gorgeous gorgeous beautiful sea monster for real, I was not expecting it to look so beautiful instead of kinda janky CGI

not the ethereal being reaching her hand out to rescue Phaya and that hand becoming Tharn's pulling him up

What's the thing Tharn always wanting to do

dang, that girl is Tharn? but like magical? his magical projection when he couldn't physically go to help Phaya?

not past life soulmates

Chart haunting this story by being annoying even after he's left goddamn

Shoulda dropped some money for the auntie before leaving for making a mess of her restaurant

Phi Yai so funny watching Tharn and Phaya run away hand in hand talking about feeling like his nong is about to fall in love

I'll be honest if i was a gay dude and my crush drew a girl who looked like me and had my name but again was a girl, I'd lose my shit

1-4

Why is P'Yai obsessed with Tharn and Phaya, it's so embarrassing for them >.<

ouuu not this random kiss

damn a Lieutenant died and was found in the water

Is the Lieutenant dead fr or no cuz why'd the other instructor kinda give Phaya the go-ahead to do some investigating on his own

man, Phaya and Tharn are so cute! At first during the 5 day training I'd thought they weren't friends but then became friends throughout it but obviously not

oh lol so the guys actually have something going on on-and-off

pls not Yai airing out everything about his bro including his single and virgin status

this bathroom scene why?? i'm so embarrassed but also shy

A tree? monster??

wtf how can you even drink to "Do you like someone at this table?" Like the answer is then obviously yes and the answers aren't very broad lol considering there are only 4 people and one of them is your brother. and there's also the guy that everybody is teasing you and him about

What a good first episode! I'm very intrigued both in terms of the romance (it's so cute idk like why do they interact in a way that makes me kinda shy) and the fantasy elements + mystery elements. The straight-up fighting elements are alright but I could do with less. Also, tragic that we're getting copaganda but oh well

Also, Pit Babe and The Sign started in November while Dead Friend Forever started in December. The people who watch these BLs weekly must've been having a ball with so many shows exploring new genres and high-concepts in BL. Also interestingly, both Pit Babe have Pavel and Billy who each have been in BLs before and lead them as one of the main pairs while their partners Pooh and Babe are new to the industry. Ta and the other guys apply a little less since Ta only had small roles before and Dead Friend Forever seems more ensemble cast but kinda similar ig

Ep 2 (Feb 20)

As expected, I have a hard time stopping watching a show when I start even though I have work to do.

Also, while looking for ep 1 gifs, I came across some stuff about the naga (snake) and eagle but I didn't read much into the post but I guess those creatures will feature prominently throughout the show

2-1

aghh I'd seen this hiding under blanket scene in a gif or tiktok or something before it's so aksldfj cute [or was it a kinda different scene? cuz feels like they were more giggly hmm]

Ah, Tharn wants to joing the Special Investigation Unit to investigate his dad's death (and Yai isn't related to him by blood)

Is Captain Akk with them? For now, I'm guessing he also wants answers and that's why he's wanting more evidence + telling Phaya to get evidence + not stopping the little group from investigating

2-2

But now he does seem kinda suspicious...

omg a siren call type thing?

hmm Phaya says that Tharn looks like the girl in his dream... was he sleepwalking when he started following the magical girl?

Oof they got caught but okay again, it seems like indeed the captains are also investigating the cause of death and are not against our main characters

2-3

gorgeous shot

ah, past lives talk again

now we have some real cops on our hands oof

oh wait hah they were taking 5 special investigation students and it just happens to be our 5 characters lol

so cute they're so cute omg

also glad that

I gasped out loud, whoever Tharn loves will die? omg, this show has Everything fr

2-4

ahhh no, that's probably not Phaya's gf, don't mourn, Tharn <- I say as somebody who is mourning

ack, Phaya is no annoying with intercepting the drink from Oat (random guy buying Tharn a drink) agh you're jealous, do you know that?

Wish the lyrics were translated

lol their Spin the Bottle never ends

The drinking obviously means the answer is yes, wtf don't be silly guys

Would Phaya have fr chosen Tharn? ah the questions

AND OF COURSE THEY'RE LONG LOST CHILDHOOD FRIENDS why would they not be? I'd thought they'd mention that Phaya also lives at the same province as Tharn and Yai when it was mentioned earlier in 2-3 (Nong Khai?) but then they didn't but I guess they indeed met each other at kids at that province

Yai in his drunken state still making Phaya give Tharn a piggyback ride and take him to his condo

Ah, this is what the "Billy and Heng playing enemies instead of friends" was about

Didn't mean to watch the Ep 3 teaser but omg Phaya has prophetic dreams or something?

I'm really into like... Billy's physicality? I don't know how to word this, just the way he carries himself, I guess. It's very Boy and I'm envious but it's also attractive

Ep 3 (Feb 21)

Watching this in the dark on my iPad at 2am

3-1

ah how do i feel about a love triangle hmmm like theoretically it could be good idk some passive aggressiveness and jealousy amongst the suitors. also saw something about the lore behind it like heng’s character is the naga who has loved Than forever vs Phaya is some eagle guy who is Tharn’s one true love who is meant to die over and over omg??

15th day of the 11th waxing moon seems an important day, Phaya used to dream of the magical girl only on that day but now he dreams of her more often

3-2

oh lol i straight up thought they were all already in Nongkai cuz that conversation had insinuated they’d all meet at Nongkai for some reason. this makes more sense

oh did Tharn do some people wrong in his past life and they are still after him for vengeance?

lol why is Phaya so surprised about the amulet thing, he had a big hunch from last night

ah, so Tharn has bad karma from his past life and his life is intertwined with Phaya’s who will make him experience bad things but can also free him fr the bad karma

Ah, Tharn gave Phaya the amulet on the night of 15th day of 11th waxing moon and that’s when the dreams used to happen. i guess that’s why Phaya said he needs to go to where the dreams started and came to this temple on this day

the first time the childhood amulet thing came up i was like lol not this childhood friends who forgot each other again trope but this is actually such a good interpretation of it. they met at this festival where Phaya was drowning and Tharn saved him after seeing a vision, similar to how many times Tharn has seen him in a vision + has saved him from drowning whether it be himself or his last girl self. and also the amulet that started Phaya’s dreams

and it’s not like the trope of perfectly fine adult relationship that had random childhood backstory for no reason. this one is that the reason they even have this adult friendship and crush is because they met each other that time and were told they’ll meet again since their lives are intertwined ah Phaya dreamt of the naga often as a child

ah so many things happening. so the naga keeps calling Phaya to the water or is it the girl? and the naga wants to drown him under there but Tharn’s past life girl/Tharn in this life doesn’t allow it?

and these last words are so heavy lol protect each other and undo your bad karmas

3-3

this Naga said No Peace for Phaya

The Naga festival and cave and myths are so cool

3-4

what??? i was like aw at the cheek kiss but then the liplick goodnight kiss happened and i was literally like is this a dream? is it just that Phaya is drunk and so is actually kissing Tharn like he wants to?

On the one hand, who gives a fuck if a serial killer is killing rapists, let it go - so annoying if cops and the justice system can't keep rapists off the streets but can put the people behind killing rapists behind bars agh

On the other hand, killer seems to just be the mastermind and forcing other people to do their dirty work and murder is too big of a thing to force people to do so agh I suppose they should stop them

Also, is this gonna be related to the Lieutenant's death at all or are we forgetting about that one? the methods of killing are different though

Not as many comments, esp in the last 2 parts despite the episode being like over 80 mins or smth cuz I was watching on my iPad and sometimes had my phone with me to write thoughts down and sometimes didn't.

Continues to be intriguing, put out so many different threads and it feels like we got a few answers but so many more questions.

Also, I didn't realize the actress playing Sand is a trans woman but yay, employing trans people let's gooooo and in roles that aren't making a fool of them either!

Ep 4 (Feb 21)

4-1

Noooo okay fuck this killer mastermind I can't believe they made the woman who was sexually assaulted by some dude and then had her case dismissed was forced to kill him under duress

omg the stepson who was raped by his stepfather and was forced to kill him, this killer is literally forcing the victims to kill the perpetrators and it must be so horrifying to kill somebody but, like the woman said, she was glad that he was dead and wouldn't be able to harm anybody

clown mask

ah this investigation itself could be a 12-16 ep procedural kdrama, I wonder how they're gonna deal with this as a side plot in this already high-concept show

Oh yeah, I didn't recognize Surprise (from SCOY) in last ep but he's the IT kid

got food to eat lunch as they're eating dinner but it's so hard to type now

who is this fortune-telling, face-changing, snake-bracelet wearing woman?

4-2

what is going onnnnn

oh kissing??? and caressing

a dream ofc makes sense. since that ep 3 kiss was real i thought may be this was as well

was that tharn in the pic that shattered

lmfao the finger in egg + licking it off + "I like it raw" ??

and then the sausage eating ahh Tharn let Phaya suck your dick, he's going crazy

hehe Phaya caught in his broken bike excuse

Tharn's secretiveness regarding Phaya spending the night makes it seem so much more salacious than it was

oh damn, it was just 3 days ago that Meena was kidnapped and forced to kill that guy?

ah, I don't remember her name but one of the SCOY girls!

fungal spores in their lungs, not gonna lie it reminds me of To Sir With Love mushrooms lol

Ah, I did wonder if somebody in their little quintuple (+ the boss Akk) was gonna betray the team but I suppose one of them could also be behind the mastermind killer

Why'd the criminal lowkey look like Akk?

Anyway, I kinda like that in 1-1 combat, Phaya wins over Tharn but Tharn's always out here saving Phaya because he can see when he's in danger heh

Also funny because the Abbot and the mystery woman was like never let go of Tharn and that Phaya's gonna help Tharn get rid of his bad karma, meanwhile Tharn's protecting Phaya all the time. guess it'll be balanced eventually

Ah, Phaya casually talking about getting stabbed to death and how it'd be solely his fault, nothing to do with Tharn. Meanwhile, Tharn has seen Phaya in near-death experiences like 5 times in his visions and saved him so far but is haunted by the experiences

4-4

Is it Akk and he's covering for himself by saying no fingerprints? Reminds me of Beyond Evil where Park Jeongje's fingerprints appeared in the forensics results but they made it disappear hmmm

pls not Tharn being like k whatever as he's jealous about Phaya and new girl Dao vs Phaya being like lemme Intervene as he's jealous about

Phaya is so annoying omg

Oof, did Tharn tell the doctor guy (man I can't remember Heng's character's name beyond it starting with C and similar to Shortcut) about Phaya's nightmares? Or did Doctor man come to find out about it some other way (since he's also connected to them via lifetimes? Is he sending nightmares and trying to drown Phaya on purpose or anything?)

Ah, so Doctor is decidedly a troublemaker/antagonistic and not accidentally so

omg Phaya is really angry (and violent :/)

AI to construct a face under a mask and hood, be serious girl, this cannot possibly be accurate

Okay, if this last murder is being done by the killer himself to avenge his sister who was raped and committed suicide, I think we should let him play it out. arrest him afterwards lol

I hope they clarify next ep that Tharn didn't tell the doctor about the dreams because he would never do that

Next ep has 5 parts woah and is gonna be like ~80 mins of runtime, these are pretty long episodes but don't feel that long and I don't feel the need to speed it up (except I think I did 1.1x once and also wanted to skip some of the gratuitous butt shots/that dream shower scene lol though I didn't)

I was kinda avoiding watching the dream sex scene (watched it in mini on the corner of my screen lol) and so I didn't have too many thoughts except once Phaya wrapped his palm around Tharn's neck. But going through people's gifsets, I've seen a few mentions of how we know this is a manifestation of Tharn's desires, whether it be the choking kink lol or liking getting pushed around dommed and that it's fun to actually get to see his fantasy like that. honestly a FAVE aspect when I think about it that way like aw his desire to be manhandled

Ep 5 (Feb 21)

I'm hungry and want to get dinner but am afraid that there'll be too much genetelia talk and will lose my appetite... maybe I'll gauge how gross it's gonna be first

Also, accidentally thought Ep 5 aired on Dec 24 and so ended up looking at tumblr posts made on Dec 23 (actual date it came out) and so was spoiled that the forensic guy was scheming with the murderer guy for this serial killing

5-1

oof shoulder check

okay I lied, I got too hungry and got dinner but am now gonna be unable to type for at least part 1 probably cuz food hands

okay I'm done eating and gotta say that hmmm too violent

Phaya is just too physically violent in his anger, especially the fact that he deliberately punched the wall beside Tharn's head and also accidentally backhanded him but didn't apologize. like I know we're meant to catch the range of emotions in his face, including guilt and apology for accidentally hitting but he purposefully doesn't apologize and yeah, nope

oh this fucker, why can't they just use this rapist as bait to catch the killer, why does he need to be protected. innocent man my ass

hm, the smaller black van is gonna get crashed into by a big white truck and the killer is seen with the van... is the rapist guy gonna be in the van when it crashes?

yess tomato tomato!

5-2

Man, they really had to have these killers force other people to do the first 3 murders in order to gain the audience support to stop the killer because like... what even is the reason for stopping them? If the cops and judicial system are gonna be useless, I think the little team should def kill this man as he's the reason their younger sister or gf is dead. should've teamed up to kill those other fuckers too tbh instead of involving the victims

let's kill him quickly (and painfully) before the cops come to stop you!

"I promise you that I will not let you die so easily" I get your need for torture but there are cops hunting you right now so hm

nah, not the amulet!

oh? is this guy naga too? the water magic thing?? also I think I saw a gif of Phaya fighting the killer and he had firey wrapped-up palms?

5-3

omg? Tharn taking the knife for Phaya and then somehow having red magic that defeats the blue man killer?

and he got a trinket? did Tharn get it from inside the killer? Was the killer wearing it?

oh hohoho Phaya saying he'll do everything Tharn says is really doing it for me

"The laws you worship and look up to can never keep those bastards behind bars for long" tell 'em. need these fuckass cops to be brought down a peg and get a sense of reality

rolled my eyes at Phaya's "There's the justice you're looking for. It might show up late but it will always come in the end." you cannot be this naive

that video the sister before she died was so fucked man i'm so sad now

stupid ass pep-talk from Captain Akk or whatever "I don't want a loser on my team" okay kys

enough copaganda, let's go back to the fantasy and romance and stuff because this story arc was so sad

Ah, so the car crash vision hasn't manifested yet

Or is that related to his parents death??

5-4

Ah, wearing the amulet again

pls Phaya prepping to make his moves

plssss both of them in their little fantasies

"I want to do just as you did to me" What? You wanna blow him? I acc have no clue why I'm so on the Phaya giving Tharn a blowjob train

not even little fantasies, incredibly long fantasies for both of them like okay Enough

but so funny like okay at least the first fantasy was Tharn dreaming but then he was getting off on that dream again the next morning in the kitchen while cooking and now here's Phaya with his fantasy while awake and mid-conversation

and also hilarious that Tharn's fantasy was like hand around neck + shower while Phaya's is... Tharn blowing on his wound like 40 times lol

Phaya's foiled plans

Oh, that's the gif I saw. Bandaged hands + black smokey magic from Phaya while grabbing Doctor by the shoulder??

lol Phaya speaking to Doctor as if he has any right to control who hangs around Tharn and to what degree. you forget yourself

"Until your time in done" ???

Ohh Phaya burned? Doctor's shoulder omg

not the sponge bath lmfao

lkasdfj the quick 123

Ah, Phaya being the bolster tonight

Phaya's taking advantage of sleeping Tharn fr but lol sure. I wonder if Tharn's also kinda awake lol

Phaya's dream: Freen magic woman -> Tharn and behind Phaya, very big eagle man (which is supposed to be him I guess?)

What happened this ep? Most of the beginning was focused on catching the killer, then the fantasy & staying over at Tharn's place, then being cute toward grandma. But stuff that happened in the middle: the killer can't remember what happened in the cellar but he def had magic (blue) and so did Tharn (red) - which he used to defeat the killer, Doctor and Phaya face-off where Phaya had black? coloured magic which burned Doctor - I wonder how much doctor knows? about the myth/past life stuff, the temple man (Luangpur?) told Tharn that Doctor and Phaya shouldn't meet. Then finally, the dream where we get Freen magic lady, kinda confirmation that she's indeed Tharn (this life), and also a visual of that tall eagle man. Also, from gifs, I realized that the amulet or whatever Tharn used to defeat the killer was his own, he tore it from his neck

Ep 6 (Feb 22)

6-1

I love the eagle fr I'm obsessed w the beautiful Naga from ep 1 too

ahhh lesbians !!!!!!!!!! hehehehehe

I don't care that much about this side couple and their backstory, let's hurry it up

lmfaooo okay funny but I would've murdered someone if all my papers went into the water like that

SCOY mention

huh?? Tharn dated someone and they died?

5-2

Why did Dao's actor become worse at acting? :( I think the script here is just bad because why would a character just recite these things? and they made her cross some lines with her "advice" about Phaya like you guys may be close but you can't say that you think he should quit his work lol

the triangulations lmfao I'm glad that even though Dao seems to care for Phaya a lot, she doesn't necessarily like him like that?

heh Nee coming to sus out if Phaya and Dao were ever a thing

and Phaya clocking that Nee and Dao are into each other lol

I like their little sibling relationship full of teasing but also Nee trying to guide Phaya into grandma's good graces

Dang, what's this painting the man thought was sold at the gallery about?

Okay, in this universe, it's just like ours where the stories of Naga and Garuda are thought to be myths/legends. I kept getting confused how much regular people believed because everybody seemed to believe whatever the monk said but that involved a lot of fantastical aspects + the Naga festival, so I wasn't sure what people in general believed (not just what Phaya and Tharn who are like reincarnations or smth of magical creatures believe lol)

6-3

pls let Tharn and Phaya have scenes together this section

oh man Phaya’s tendency to just do instead of speak and also drag Tharn around is kinda… agh

dang Doctor straight up said he’d seerate the two of them even if it means Tharn dies

oof punch but can’t quite blame Tharn

6-4

art something or other, who is this suspicious guy?

Was too sleepy to write anything for 6-4 but I have half-baked thoughts about the punch ig. On some YT comments and tiktok comments, I saw people annoyed at Tharn for not believing Phaya and people were calling him too stubborn and naive. I do think he should've taken Phaya's warnings/dreams more seriously cuz like girl, you're always seeing visions of him in danger so it can't be that much of a stretch to think he dreams of you in danger c'mon. But I also think Phaya is kinda too vague and doesn't explain properly like he can't just expect to burst in and physically drag Tharn away from Doctor who he has known for years and years and trusts; in contrast, Phaya and Doctor fought and Phaya even physically pushed him or whatever. So I get Tharn being like wtf... and also Phaya being desperate.

I hope they make up next ep (properly. through conversation and honesty and understanding) so that we can get them together again though bc we barely had them together this ep and unfortunately unlike Pit Babe ep 11 where the other characters were able to carry the ep w/o much Babe or Charlie, I don't care as much about the characters here.

Ep 7 (Feb 22)

7-1

As a mix of Death's Game murder artist + last ep's ending where Tharn saw someone (I'm assuming this guy) in a room maybe killing someone with red everything, I thought this guy (Art?) was gonna kill his (ex?)-lover. I still think that's the case cuz of the ending with all the red paint probably hiding the blood but lol at first, I literally thought the guy was asking to be killed and used to Art's painting lmfao but nah he wasn't that devoted, mans was getting married to someone else anyway

Anyway, cool idea, will be cooler once we realize he killed him

7-2

My biggest rip is that Wi can actually act while Dao's actress cannot, so I wish the actresses were switched or Nee's love interest was Wi

hm, so the VIP is the Minister Montree and we didn't get any visions or anything but Inspector Akk kinda makes me think he's behind Lieutenant Tam's death and I wonder if Tharn thinks he's behind his parents' death or at least the coverup. I also just realized is this the guy they were saying has ties to drug stuff that Lieutenant Tam was investigating and the rapist from last ep is tied with him too but they can't interrogate the rapist about him?

lol they talked about this after I wrote allthat

hmm Art said "That's too evill" before maybe puncturing the guy with a pen... so did that man himself suggest it?

I wish the camerawork focused on the art and dance better since it went on for so long

7-3

"To me, a guy named Kao, is already dead" oh man

Why is Phaya as a guest restraining the woman when there are so many cops who came to volunteer or whatever lmfao

Anyway, I thought they were gonna maybe pretend this was also part of the exhibition before he accidentally cut her (with the same pen that killed Kao? and was maybe gonna stab Montree with?)

Is Doctor doing some sort of dark influence/magic on Art? and the way he's physically touching Art on his thigh and then his chest over his heart and then hugging him... no.

okay atp Tharn Has to be kinda suspicious of Doctor knowing about Phaya's dreams/conditions and why he's using it against Phaya (and publicly too) and idk the way he's undermining Phaya like that... is he trying to make other people think of him as hysterical? As if he'd have an outburst similar to Art? but then Phaya almost becomes violent - strengthening Doctor's position...

ah yes, just casual handing over patient records to the cops <3 esp because Art isn't like... actually in jail or anything, idek what they're holding him based on. just cuz of a public outburst and possibly suspicion of maybe a reason behind Kao being missing? like c'mon cops are so fucking shit

bruh why are these cops just saying anything and everything about the case in front of the doctor? dumbasses

7-4

Tharn can see into a painting like this?

The Art and Kao hallucination (?) is so eerie, everything about this is so eerie, I really like it

omg so Kao was really selling the art and betraying Art

I love love love the spliced scene from that night and the same scene in a white room as Tharn and Phaya watch it (I'm assuming Art is recounting it?)

crazy ass pen to be able to rip somebody's throat open and kill them just like that

Oh, so they don't think Art has something to do with Kao's disappearance... but does that man disappearance of Kao the alive man (maybe he ran away abroad with Montree lol and that's how Montree had known to whisper to Art about it being the pen that hurt Kao) or his dead body?

okay at least the pen didn't kill Kao the way they were insinuating lmao I was like tf kinda pen

7-5

I actually cannot, Phaya and Doctor must be Stopped

oh confession ahhhhhh <333

lmfao I'm watching the shower scene in mini on the side lol too much for me

It Continues like okay Enough i'm like watching in mini with 1 eye only enough enough enough i'm so embarassed/shy I think after barely watching anything for so long and then only recently starting watching shows again that have NC scenes (kinda Law of Attention, Pit Babe, and now this) means that I've lost a lot of the tolerance I've built up against it lmfao

Ep 8 (Feb 22)

5 episodes left and they're each fairly short compared to some other ones (each is less than an hour I think?) so I hope they have proper time to wrap everything up in a satisfying way, esp with all the fantasy going on

8-1

omg? The book flipping to Doctor's face to make it seem like he's watching it all was creepy enough last ep but now he tried to kill Phaya via magic dream?? and only stopped because the monk woke Tharn up

I hope Tharn starts actually thinking about the Doctor critically now

They're so cute, I'm glad we can have cute Phaya and Tharn back for a bit because they were really upset with each other for the past 2 eps (and then resulting sex scene but that's still not cuteness yknow)

8-2

Having Phaya promise to not leave... sad if he does end up getting hurt/leaving/whatever and ironic if it's Tharn instead

Wait I'm so confused? Was the Doctor somehow shrouding Tharn and that's why Phaya couldn't see him?

omg even making Phaya see an illusion of Tharn, then once Phaya gets in the water, taking control of him

8-3

oh we finally get to see the past

Also this other world reminds me of Midnight Museum a bit

hm Tharn plays the past "sister" Wansa? I'd expected Freen... but maybe they don't wanna have to have Billy and Freen in such romantic situations etc

I'm South Asian but not Indian or Hindu, so it's very interesting to see these costumes/myths which are vaguely familiar but I'm not fully aware of because idk much about Hindu concepts beyond like the most well-known gods and festivals

ngl I'm slightly confused still but sure

The amlet is Wansarut's original SOUL? damn girl

ENOUGH of calling Wansarut her nong sao/younger sister. Tharn isn't a girl in this life at least, so say nong if you must why are you saying your sister and Phaya are in love when Tharn's now your brother agh

Bad CGI but I forgive because all the Thai show CGI has looked like this I think?

8-4

Kao died in the waters... I wonder if Doctor had something to do with it with his evil water magic since he knew Art and stuff and used Art as a way to get into the investigation...

oh never mind, killed somewhere else and dumped here

why not at least say Yai follow that man with me!

ohhhh that car crash vision was actually a flashback of him and his parents

ah, the scene with Tharn screaming while holding Phaya's still body

I commented about the gender thing like why are we doing Tharn as a girl bc it was kinda... why are we actually just pretending the character who is seemingly the bottom [I mean they're vers to Me but idk about canon lol] and sexually submissive is the girl fr instead of having an actual woman play Wansarut but then I saw a post that said that actually she takes on a female form under water but took on a male form above ground and yay gender fuckery and i'm like okay nice sure, I love gender fuckery.

I wish we got... slightly more time and a more coherent story that Showed the past life story better. I think this show is good with broad themes and parallels and characterization but kinda struggles sometimes with specific moments/scenes, which can make it kinda confusing or unsatisfying - this scene of the past life kinda feels like that to me.

Ep 9 (Feb 23)

9-1

yep Tharn is def gonna be like fuckkk ppl whom I love with die because I love them (and i mean in this case Doctor is making that true) and probably gonna withdraw and breakup after Phaya wakes up

since that Eye Contact moment with Montree’s bodyguard in ep 7? or whatever art gallery, it’s been clear this guy is suspicious and behind some stuff

Montree got Tharn parents killed and wants to kill him now

9-2

Okay so at least Inspector Akk seems to be on the hood side and also knows way more about the case like Korn (the bodyguard?) was behind this

who is Akk talking to?

The disparity between Ning and Dao’s actinng skills is just too much, why didn’t they make Dao be played by Wi the art gallery woman or Marys the forensic officer who are both better at acting ahhh

9-3

huh? why doesn’t Phaya have the Naga amulet? it came off in the water or something?

this is just silly what is even happening

wtf Chart? is that even a fr tattoo? Montree got someone else to get the tattoo/join the gang to throw ppl off his own trail or what

9-4

hopefully a real break from the cop stuff even though ig Tharn’s gonna investigate on his own

I wish Phaya would explain more to Tharn rather than being so cryptic

plssss man snuck out of her hospital to not only meet his past life love but also to have sex despite nearly dying for a few days

aw I wish this NC scene was longer, I’m kinda better at hanging these soft and loving sex scenes more than the crazy shot Horny desperate ones I think?

Also, Phaya kissing down from Tharn's chest and staying kinda on stomach in a similar fashion to how Tharn did it to Phaya during the shower sex scene... I'm gonna take it to allude to Phaya finally sucking Tharn's dick, I've waited for this moment for multiple episodes

Ep 10 (Feb 23)

10-1

Okay, discussion, good! And Phaya didn't tell Tharn about the Doctor but that's because the Abbott told him not to, so it's okay IMO

And it's a cute scene with the cuddling and just so domestic with how casual it is

Phaya was so desperate to make sure Tharn was okay (and also thirsty for that dick...) that he forgot to bring his phone or inform his grandmother and sister like omg

10-2

Phaya is so cute puppy as he's apologizing

Yai shut uppppp the music and vibes makes it seem like Grandma's gonna be okay but what if she wasn't and you outed them D:

pls the Grandma being like "Give me a second" before asking Phaya what the important thing he wants to say is aklsdfj so funny

Awww so supportive and cute T-T

Khem suspecting Inspector Akk of being in cahoots with Montree

SCOY and Gap mention

10-3

dang, is someone in the unit gonna betray them again? We already had Wit or whoever

ah, Tharn overhearing Phaya and the abbott about Doctor... Can I hope he won't do anything stupid lol

lmfao the grandmas complaining, so true

Tharn wants to quit his job after solving his father's case and just stay with his grandma? girl I wish I was rich omg

10-4

agh, Korn and Khom are same person then right? Cuz they're not consistent in naming

oof, Ning dead

lmfao I saw a post w the pic of the "A tiger-man is not real" line by Phaya with caption whatever you say bird-man like so true

everything converging in Nongkai i suppose

Ep 11 (Feb 23)

One episode until hopefully tomorrow morning it's ep 12? Cuz then it's perfect timing. Otherwise, it'll suck lol

11-1

Is the tiger-man and the person died related to this Montree drug ring

Is the instructor knowing about the visions gonna backfire or anything?

So many times people just overhear things lol like Ep 4 Phaya overhearing Tharn and Yai talking about the visions, Ep 10 Tharn hearing Phaya and Abbott talking about Doctor and stuff, and now Khem overhearing Phaya and Tharn discuss his footprints lol

No I get Tharn cuz it's like why does my lover claim to be so jealous of this guy who I've known for years and trust? To Tharn, it feels like Phaya doesn't trust Tharn

oh oops, he doesn't believe Phaya even he's told directly anyway, which I feel like is theoretically understandable like wtf are you even saying Phaya but if you believe the rest of it with past lives and naga and garud, then this is like yeah sure i suppose that makes sense lol + I thought he overheard Phaya and Abbott but no I guess??

ooh cool shot about the grandma to the flashback

omg ?? Doctor in child Tharn's room talking about how they'll be together when the times comes um ??

10-2

Oh, I just realized that the man who Inspector Akk was speaking with was actually probably Chart. like he's there to infiltrate and give info to Akk (and that's also why he hasn't resigned as a cop maybe)

sorry everytime Phaya's exasperated about the Tiger Man, I want him to be more real. like girl you believe you are a Garud reincarnated who is in love with Naga princess reincarnation and have been lovers in the past lifetime(s) and also that a current Doctor is actually a Naga like right now in his own current lifetime. your boyfriend has visions and you have dreams.

10-4

Dang, the cliff falling and surviving should’ve been more exciting I feel like? kinda feels like History 3: Trapped when Tang Yi and Shaofei got out of the forest out of screen lol

ah im really into the last scene bc it’s once again giving vers switch framing with the way that Tharn’s palm is not Phaya’s neck this time + That is sitting slightly taller than Phaya who has to look up at him

I feel like even with a 15 min longer ep they could’ve made part 4 more emotionally charged on-screen idk i might be nitpicking also, so funny cuz I thought Ep 12 was gonna be airing at 11am or so but then I finish watching this ep at like 9:04 or smth and see The Sign ep 12 live premiere schedule recommended on my YT feed and part 1 is airing right now cuz apparently the ep is releasing at 9 ig

Ep 12 (Feb 24)

Accidentally read a couple words of BLupdate's tweet for the ep and apparently Doctor sacrifices his soul? interesting ig

12-1

Doesn't trust anybody but does trust Chart lol

Okay but atp someone (else) from their unit Has to betray them right? Like Inspector Akk has mentioned it so many times

extremely hilarious to have Phaya who was limping around moments ago and Tharn go in guns blazing in casual clothes while all the other cops are in full gear and bulletproof vests etc

Do any of these gunshots from either side injure/kill anybody at all lmfao

oh finally some ppl (villainous) just drop dead from the shots lol

12-2

agh, Yai and Sand are honestly so cute >.<

So funny for Phaya to be talking about protecting Tharn like yes agree but throughout the show, Tharn has definitely protected you much more lol

Ah, I'm noticing the lighting choices after reading posts about it like the bokeh effect for Phaya and the concentrated warm colours for Tharn

Okay, I can watch this subdued and softer version of sex scene more than the desperate/erratic first one

okay lol ended up skipping last minute or so though heh

10-3

omg gorgeous, beautiful shots and directing and acting for Phaya finding Tharn gone and the whole desperate sequence with the grandma, Yai, the Abbott etc

Ah, Phaya saying that even if hadn't remembered their past lives and past loves, he still would have loved Tharn in this current life, exactlyyyyy that's what I wanna hear

The endless number of times (well, 3) Tharn runs in front of Phaya to protect him

12-4

noo he was taken to the Naga cave and is gonna recover, trust. maybe the Doctor is gonna sacrifice his soul or something to save him, who knows heh

From the flashbacks here and in part 3, I do miss the earlier days when we knew there was Lore but didn't know it yet and they were just cute and such. I very often feel this with paranormal fantasies where the earlier parts of knowing there's something happening but not yet knowing and slowly discovering is my favourite part - when things are simple, yet intriguing

wait I have a question, did Khem die or what? like is he just in the hospital?

Also, Billy in this hospital room looks a bit like Saint?

omg I was like who is that with the long hair but it's Phaya, I guess it has been many months

ah, I was wondering if it'll be 15th days of 11th waxing moon again for Tharn to come home and yeah, guess it's been a whole year fr

man, I wish the meeting again had a bit more fanfare because the despair was done so well, c'mon

Ah, so Doctor didn't die, just gave Tharn his Naga soul to keep him alive but I guess that doesn't kill the Doctor, idk. and he's letting them love each other now

Aw cute but again, anti-climactic and not enough relief, not enough time, not enough emotional impact. I wish they had maybe shown some of Tharn's time there (though that might've taken a bit away from Phaya's desperate situation? idk)

Update: lol I didn't realize there was a little after-credits scene with Saint cameo and season 2 bait

no fr what is that ending, Tharn stayed with Doctor for a year on purpose? and Doctor decided to just get over it? And so Tharn appears all casually over the hill a year later? Seriously needed a stronger ending.

Overall:

I think I liked the first few eps and the potential of the series and the possibilities more than I liked the actual series oof. Since everybody freaking loved this, I also had high expectations.

I just went through the gifs I'd reblogged (I reblogged A Lot cuz I thought I'd end up liking the show more than I ended up liking. went and deleted a bunch bc I was like why did I even reblog this one, what's the point) and I really did like more of the show's gifs from the earlier eps (whereas I enjoyed the analysis and stuff more in the later eps). Don't even feel like reblogging any ep 11 or 12 stuff now though, except maybe the checking under bed sequence. It was also just clear from how invested I was in an episode while watching because in the earlier eps, I was paying more attention and watched an ep in one sitting whereas in the latter half, I would pause in the middle of a section to go on my phone or even just stop watching the ep after a section, do stuff and then come back to finish.

I thought there would be more focus on the romance and fantasy and past lives aspect and less on the cop activity. Like there was no need to spend That much time on the rapist killer case nor Art and Kao's case, we could've spent that time on something like following up on what Lieutenant Tam had learned and the drug case/Tharn's father's case more directly along with more of the actual past lives and fantasy and such. In fact, we got so little about their past lives, I thought there were 4 cycles or something?

I don't know man, I feel like they didn't choose the correct things to show on screen? This sucks because they clearly put in So Much Effort and tried so many new things for BL, so I wish I had loved it more and was more attached.

I think most of the fight scenes and stuff were confusing and not choreographed very well and some interactions/moments/explanations needed to like have more time dedicated to them. However, some moments were just shot/directed so beautifully like ep 11 when grandma is going through the flashbacks of seeing Doctor with Tharn as a child and uni student etc from that single room and ep 12-3 when Phaya wakes up to find Tharn gone, looks under the bed, and the whole sequence after that. (Unfortunate that the reunion scene was so meh).

So many parallels and gifsets of parallels, I keep having to remember my parallels tag is for across different shows while compilation in the tag for same show. I enjoy the parallels and the thought put behind them. It also shows like the cyclical nature of Phaya and Tharn's lives, and it would've been even more impactful if we saw more of their past lives (the original one or the 2 that occurred in the middle apparently).

Highly doubt I'm gonna think of the characters again, I somehow stopped being attached to them about halfway through. Really wanted to give it at least a 7 for trying so many things but don't think it earned it sadly. They tried so many things, as shown in the list of tropes below, but I don't think they satisfyingly merged them or chose the correct things to focus on on-screen.

Running list of tropes: A mix of romance and fantasy lol

Monsters and Cryptids: Sea Monster (naga?), the woman Freen is playing, that tree dude (whatever happened to him? Was that Doctor or something?). Update: the monsters/dieties are the main characters themselves

Police training/cop academy

Murder mystery + a Serial Killer murder mystery + drug ring bust

Tharn seeing the future/people in danger (specifically often seeing Phaya in danger)

Past lives/reincarcation/soulmates

The person Tharn loves will die

Childhood friends (who Tharn gave the locket to). Update: just a fated childhood meeting more like

Does Spin The Bottle count lmao

Love triangle

Lesbians, let's go

Rating: 6/10 [May 12, 2024 Update: Decreased by 0.5 stars when rerating shows I’ve watched in 2024: 6.5 -> 6]

#ep by ep commentary #the sign

1 note · View note

lunaekalenda · 3 years ago

Text

𝖓𝖚𝖒𝖇𝖊𝖗 𝖋𝖎𝖛𝖊

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

eren x fem!reader

suggestive conversations, teacher x student mention, smoking, alcohol, mention of love triangle, reiner doesn't have an easy life, characters are aged up and they correspond to the last season, modern au, eren being a tease, nsfw once they get to the party, dirty talking, reader may have a degradation kink, slapping, finger-sucking cause that's my sign, neck grabbing, rough composure, really long fic and really long warnings, size kink, wall sex, consensual relation, reader is tiny next to eren, kneejob (does that exist?), use of words like fucktoy, doll, slut; dom!eren x sub!reader, goddess i’m getting scared bc of the quantity of warnings, unprotected sex (don’t be like eren), oral (m receiving), consensual filming,, author is horny half of the drabble, please correct me in any errors! sex scenes are really bad written sorry

a/n: yeah... i don't know what i'm doing someone pls tell me to stop. as always, very welcome criticism and minors please do not interact!!

••••••••��••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Jaeger, Eren." The teacher says his name and he gets up, loose clothes and his lazy bun on the back of his head giving him that attractive visual he has. Girls look at him with interest and boys with envy. After all, they all want to be like him, date him, be his friends. Be near him is something to be grateful for half the university students. What a bunch of idiots.

His tall body reaches the professor table, were he leans on, receiving the paper that acredites his graduation. A smirk on his face, directed to your young teacher, makes your friend Pieck sigh on the chair next to you. "He has for sure fucked her." she says. You look to the teacher expression, a smile just for him while he raises just the corners of his lips to her. You look to the paper on your hands. It's your last day. You're finally graduating. University is just another closed door for you. The last people take their diplomas quickly, the teachers giving their typical emotional discourses before releasing you to the campus yard. Reiner gets closer to your group, his arm around your shoulders as he smile for all of you.

"Today. Tonight." he corrects himself. "There's a party and, as the captain of the Waterpolo team, I'm the host." he says, a smile on his lips reaching his kind eyes. "You're all invited, of course. VIP invitations" Winking to all of you and gaining a giggle from Pieck, Reiner moves his head to a whistle. Bertholdt calls him from the door of the swimming pool, and Reiner leaves, smiling at you.

"I'll see you there?" he asks, a huge smile on his face. You can't help but smile back at him while you nod. Reiner leaves running the yard and Porco smiles at you, a joke about to escape his lips. You two have been friends time enough to know every single expression of the other.

"He does like you." he says, instead. Something serious for the first time in your friendship. Someone hits him with a paper when he was about to add something.

"You're finally out." Porco's big brother, Marcel Galliard, who works as the waterpolo trainer, takes his brother by the arm. "And out of the pics if you stay here, come on." He takes Porco with him, both of them leaving in Reiner's direction. Pieck smiles at you, about to comment something about Reiner, and you search your phone. It isn't there. Fuck.

"Pieck, I've lost my phone." you say, her face changing to a concerned expression. You touch every pocket and every place you've could have put it, without gain. Even she searches on the little handbag she's carrying. You remembered to take a pic with Pieck on the terrace and had to fix your shoes. You probably forgot it there. "Shit. Is the Uni still open, right?" Pieck nods quietly. Annie turns around to look at you. "Coming back real quick, wait for me here, please."

You make your way upstairs to the latest floor of the Univeristy, a terrace where teachers liked to go and smoke or drink their coffees between classes. "How can I forget my phone there? Am I dumb?" you think for yourself. There are just a few stairs left. You find Armin on your way. His short blond hair and his big blue eyes are recognizable everywhere.

"Congratulations." he says, that gentle smile on his face. "We finally graduated." You smile at him back, nodding.

"We did, Min." you say. Armin was in the same class as you, and he's really nice to you. Being paired in a couple works has made your friendship grow little by little, and you can consider him a friend now. It's ironical how he's Eren's best friend, even when the two of them have been seen parted for a while. He looks at you, his eyes following your way. "You go to the terrace?" he asks. You nod. He hums and looks upstairs, as if he was making sure something.

"Forgot something there, but it will take a minute." Armin nods and you keep going. Opening the big door, that is casually still open, the wind shakes your hair and your dress. You see your phone on the chair you sat earlier, while taking the pic, and you're fast to take it. Fortunately, it does have battery and it seems as nobody has touched it. You turn around, ready to go down to meet your friends, when you listen femenine giggles and sound of wet kisses. Gross. Is somebody using the rooftop to fuck? In the university? You shake your head. But your legs don't move. Your head searches unconsciously the place where the voices are coming from. You want to know who they are. Another giggle. Another kiss. A quiet sigh, the sound of fabrics. "Come on, move, move." You say to yourself. The woman speaks. "Now that you graduated..." Isn't that your teachers voice? With a student? You remain silent, trying to hear him. You hear a sigh. A manly and long sigh.

"Now that I graduated I have no reason to come here." You know that voice. That deep, raspy tone and that way of talking. Your brain searches quickly who does that voice belong to.

"Come on, Eren." even when you where about to figure who was the mysterious boy, she says his name. You move your hand to cover your mouth, your phone ringing in that moment. Pieck's ID showing on the screen. "Fuck, fuck." you try to silence it in vain. They heard you. Eren sighs, a long sigh that is followed by high heels steps. She's searching you. You're there, on the middle of the rooftop, and she's going around, near the door, no way to escape for you. You search quickly a place to hide. Then, he talks again. "They probably left, hm?" he says. His tone is way deeper now. "But we should as well. Search another student next year. I won't come back here for you." he says. With angry steps, she leaves. You can see her shadow from behind the little maintenance shed. You hear then calm steps, a lighter and the combustion of a cigarette. Eren palms the shed metallic roof, scaring you.

"Having fun spying the others?" he says. The smoke comes out of his mouth when he kneels next to you. "I can bet you're wet with just hearing us making out." you look at him in his green eyes, without avoiding his gaze. He raises a brow, putting the cigarette again between his lips.

"This is a public space. It isn't for you to bring every single girl you want." you say. Eren lets out a little laugh.

"I had the teacher's permission." he says, jokingly. "Who do you think you are to question her permissions?" his lips part, letting the smoke escape quietly. He gets up, his tall body resting against the structure. He's attractive, and he knows it for sure. But, the moment he opens that damn mouth of his... He loses all his attractiveness and charm. You take your phone, ready to go down with your friends.

"I hope you have a good future, Eren Jaeger. See you."

"Later, baby. On Reiner's party." he says, a little smile on his lips. "I guess he had invited the girl he likes." you didn’t like that joking tone.

"And why the hell would he invite you?" you ask. Eren slides his eyes down your body when you get up, your light dress moving with the wind, your hair getting messy and your challenging eyes looking directly at his. He entertains himself on your legs, how they looked smooth and good under the dress. And, surprisingly, he finds himself thinking of the sweet thing upper, covered by the dress and your underwear.

"Because I'm on his waterpolo team." he says, his green irises going back to yours. Damn, true. He’s the point of the team. The offensive. The strongest one between them.

"Then I hope we don't see each other." you say. Eren gets closer to you, smoke leaving his lips while he smiles jokingly at you again. You can smell the tobacco from your position, but you don’t want to move. You want to show him you can also keep his gaze. That you’re not intimidated by him.

"I'll be searching for you." he whispers. "After all, you stayed up here to see who I was making out with. Maybe you're jealous. But don't worry, i'll gladly show you what I did to her" You raise a brow this time, giving a couple steps back to put distance. You cross your arms on your chest. Eren smiles, taking the cigarette away from his lips.

"Search another girl. I'm sure a lot of them want your attention." you say. That makes Eren smirk. He walks a couple steps back, his back resting against the shed again. He throws the cigarette and steps on it.

"You have a strong personality, not like all the others. I like it." his eyes are on yours, and you're not afraid to keep the visual contact with him. "You're different." he says. You take a couple steps near him, heading to the door. Palming his shoulder, you smile.

"Good job reading all that cliche books where you took that phrase. Now, I have to go." his hand grips your wrist. With a shake, you get free and, false smiling at him, you leave. Your heart is racing while you go downstairs, Eren is still on the terrace, giggling for himself. He found such an interesting one. You keep going downstairs until you reach the yard, Pieck's black hair and Annie's bun can be seen. You walk towards them, your phone ringing on your hand. It's Pieck again. She sees you a hangs up, walking towards you.

"You took forever, y/n" she says, showing you her phone. "I calles you a hundred times. What were you doing?" she asks. You don't want to discover the teacher and Eren and less on the campus. "I'll tell you later." you say. Pieck told you to have dinner and get ready for the party at her home, so the two of you start to walk, waving your hands at Annie, who was waiting for Armin. Eren comes out of the university as well. His gaze finds yours and he smiles at you, but it isn't a sweet smile. It’s a teasing one. You turn around and follow Pieck.

"Eren? I told you those two had something!" she says. You're tying your shoes while she applies rimmel on her lashes. She looks beautiful, with that golden tight dress that shines when she moves. You wanted to go with your graduation dress, but she quickly corrected you. "No, no, that dress is too beautiful for this type of party. You have to show what you have." she said. She lended you a red dress that fits you. It is beautiful, and you look good on it. She turns around. "Were they in the middle of it? What happened!" she asks. You blush.

"They were just kissing, i think. They kinda broke up." you say. Pieck nods quietly and looks again to the mirror, taking blush to her cheeks. You explain her that Eren talked to you after that.

"Oh, so he's going to the party?" she asks. You nod. "Porco told me he wasn't that interested, so he'll probably pass." You really hope Porco is right while you two walk to Reiner's house, a big duplex near the campus. You can hear music and people talking from the corner of the street. Reiner opens the door for you.

"Y/N!" he says, quickly hugging you. Pieck waves her hand at him. "Come on, girls, enter." he lets you in. There isn't a huge amount of people. Jean and Connie from the Waterpolo club are playing beer pong and Bertholdt is serving some drinks. You look around, but you don't know if you want to find him or make sure he isn't there.

It seems like Eren isn't there, for your luck. Bert gives you the drink you asked for and you thank him. There's a couple people talking near a speaker, another ones are playing on Reiner's TV and another ones are dancing. Reiner smiles.

"If you need anything, the rooms and the living room are up. There's a bathroom in that door and another one upstairs." he says. You smile at him. "I'll be around here if you need me." he says. You nod and he disappears, giving your arm a soft squeeze. Pieck tells you that she's going outside and you decide to stay inside. The juice with a little bit of vodka is kinda strong, but it tastes sweet. You hear a hum near you.

"What are you drinking?" you roll your eyes, turning around. Eren's tall body is there, smiling at you. He looks into your cup. "Juice?" he asks. You raise a brow.

"Do you care?" he lets out a melodious laugh. "Don't you have friends?" you can almost feel all the gazes in you. Envy gazes, surprise gazes. You know they're commenting. "How did she get his attention?" "Sure he's playing with some bad toys" You look at Eren.

"I do. But my interest tonight is in you." he tells. "After all, you deserve private representations of what we were doing, since you were that curious."

"Get lost, please." you ask him. He smirks. Taking your cup, he smells it. He gives it back to you.

"Don't drink that much." he says. You look at him. Is he now giving you orders? Taking the cup to your lips, you drink under his gaze. He raises a brow when you take the cup away from your mouth. You weren’t going to get orders and less form a dork like him. Surprisingly, his thumb takes a drop that slides from your lips. He licks it.

"Tastes sweet." it's all he says, before disappearing. Did he just licked it? You put the cup on a near table and follow him outside. He's lighting a cigarette. He smiles at you when you arrive.

"What was that. What you did inside." you ask. He laughs.

"We can't waste alcohol, can we?" he says. He walks closer to you. His bun is still low and loose, and he's wearing his waterpolo team t-shirt with ripped black jeans. A big 5 in his t-shirt. The number he uses on the water. "Do you smoke?" he asks, offering you the cigarette. You shake your head. He raises a brow. "Wanna try?" he asks. You're not into that type of things but, maybe, the way his green eyes challenged you makes you nod. You want to show him you're capable. He gives you the cigarette. "Want me to teach you?" When he ended the phrase, you're coughing. He laughs. "Such an impatient girl, hm?"

He takes the cigarette again, taking a puff, his lips right on the spot you stained with gloss. He gets closer. "Let me show you." his lips touch yours quietly and you feel the smoke flowing between your mouths, entering yours. You’re unable to move, even when he’s kissing you. It feels nice, feels warm and soft against your mouth, the smoke entering right from his parted lips. You want more. More of him. He parts. "Breath out quietly." Why are you following his orders now? You do it softly, his gaze on your lips while you do it. "Good girl."

That was hot. You can't deny it. The way he passed the smoke to you, how he looked at you. Oh, goddess. He smiles, stepping on the cigarette. Your legs feel like jelly and your heart races when he gets closer.

"You liked it?" he asks, a sweet purr on your ear. You nod. You did. Now you get why everyone is always around Eren. He's naturally magnetic, attractive. He’s the type of person that bewitches, that makes you follow his orders even when you don’t want you. He can make you weak for you from just a single peck. "I know more tricks with my mouth than passing smoke" he says. That makes you cringe a little, get down of your bubble.

"You're so dirty minded." You say. Maybe he was starting to attract you, to make you fall for him. You won't. You need to go out. Far from him. Far before you fall.

"I was starting to have fun." he whispers. You start to walk, heading to Reiner's house again. Eren follows you quietly. You've seen enough romantic films to know every single way he has to take you to his bed. You sigh. Inside, a lot of people is dancing. You also want to. Eren follows you quietly while you enter the improvised dance floor, a empty space between two sofas, moving to the song. It's hot inside Reiner's house, a stupid amount of people dancing together, bodies close and teasing movements. Maybe Eren tries to seduce you outside, but it is your time to make him beg for you. Moving your head and your body, you see him from th corner of your eye. He's there, behind you, his hands tingling. He wants to touch your body, that tiny red dress and that velvety skin. He wants to mark that exposed neck with his bites, tangle that hair with his fingers, feel you against him. You take one of his hands, putting it on your hips. He swallows.

"You're not that brave now." you whisper, without letting him hear you. His other hand finds your belly, going up to the low cut of Pieck's dress. His hand touches your skin, making you gasp. He gets close. "You won." he whispers on your ear, his hands sneaking, touching every showing skin he finds. You smirk, turning around. You're not aware of Reiner's sad gaze. "I won?" you ask. He smiles, his face getting closer, as if he wanted to kiss you. "Hmh." he hums. You smile at him, letting your body meet his really close, making you feel every part of Eren’s body. You raise a brow. "There's evidence of my win." you joke, Eren's lips curving on a teasing smile.

"You should take responsibility of your trophy." he feels your hands on his arms, making him sigh. He takes your hand and guides you upstairs. "Wait, Eren, wait!" you ask him. People look at you, going head to the second floor, your hand jailed on his. Almost everybody knows now what you two are going to do. "Eren, everybody will..."

"Let them talk. We can have a good time while they spend their last braincells making rumors." he says. He's kinda right. You shouldn't care of what people say or what people think. "But it is Reiner's house." you tell him. He smiles.

"He lets me use the guest room to sleep. It's almost my room. My brother doesn't really like my company, I guess." he says. You feel bad for Reiner. He's such a sweetheart with you, and everybody thinks he likes you. And there are you, about to make out with Eren on his house. But you're drunk of him, of his smell and his skin, his deep voice and his green eyes. You can't help. You need him. He opens the room and lets you in. You don't have even time to see the room, feeling his lips on yours as soon as he closes the door, his hand sneaking behind your back to lock it. One of his arms rest above your head, against the wood, and the other pulls you closer to his body from your low back. His hand grabs your ass roughly, making you jump a little. He giggles against your mouth. His lips taste like tobacco and mint bubblegum. He parts.

"Are you drunk?" he asks. You shake your head. You take his hair on your hand, trying to make him cover your mouth again with his. He gives you a peck. "You want this?" he asks. Your hands search his chest, defined muscles under the team t-shirt.

"I want you, Eren." you don't even know who you are. He has you crazy, begging for him and his kisses, feeling his hotness in your body. You want it. You want him. "Please.". His superiority smirk covers your lips again, your body arching to feel his closer, the grip on you harder, his other hand still on the door. He parts your lips quietly, the softer action of all he has done until now. You feel his tongue caressing yours quietly. It feels nice. His hand takes the border of your red dress, lifting it, asking for your consent. You nod at him, his hand moving it to your waist. He parts to look down, your underwear on his vision camp. He passes his tongue on his lips while his eyes scan that cute black panty you’re wearing. He likes it. Simple, something a cute innocent girl like you would wear. The thought arouses him. He’s going to ruin you, the sweet little girl that seems too tiny for him.

“What a precious panty, doll.” he hums, his knee going up until it meets the black fabric. Then, with a smirk, he makes pressure up, your body feeling his knee hot and hard against your wetness. You gasp and he smiles. “Such a desperate fucktoy.” he whispers, his lips near your open ones, your sighs every time he moves his knee against you. He likes that expression on your face. The way your cute lips are open in silent pleasure signs. He would love to watch them open around another thing, but he takes his free hand to your mouth, his long thumb caressing your lips before entering your mouth, pressing your tongue while you keep making that expression that has become his favorite. “Suck.” he asks. You obey, your mouth gently sucking his thumb, your tongue playing circles around it. He keeps that game on your cunt, making you lose your concentration on sucking his finger. He puts his knee down, you feel the emptiness between your legs. He takes his phone, tobacco pack and a lighter from his pocket, putting them on the near bed. Then, he takes your hands, guiding them to the fabric of his jeans. You understand what he wants and take the button off, then, unzipping his pants. They fall around his ankles, his muscled legs and his underwear is revealed. He sighs when your hand finds the bulge. You look at him again, spreading kisses on his jaw. His hand covers yours while you try to sneak it in his underwear. He sighs when he feels your cold hand against him, fine and elegant fingers taking his shaft softly. His head rests against the arm on the wall, your kisses going down his body. When you were about to kneel, he takes you up again.

“I’ll let you take a taste of it later.” he sighs again, your hand squeezing harder, making him gasp. His hand closes around your neck, not hard enough to choke you, just a grab. A way to make you know who’s in charge. He kisses you. “Now.” he says, out of breath. His fingers take your panty, sliding it down your legs. He looks at your half- naked body, the dress covering just your thorax. “I want to fuck you right”. He takes your body, pinning you against the wall, your legs around his waist and your hands gripped to his t-shirt. He takes his hand down, the other one holding you in place. His hand strokes his shaft a couple times, also making sure you’re ready enough to take him, before starting to put it in. He feels excited. How your body seems so little between his and the wall. How you’ll struggle to take all of him in. His cock twitch in anticipation. He can’t wait to be deep in you, to know how much of him can you take, but he wants to make it right. Make this something you’ll beg for. Make him feel superior. He pushes slowly, feeling every squeeze and every movement your walls make against him. You moan and he lets out the deepest groan. He doesn’t wait that much to move against you, even when he’s not fully inside, your lips parting to the sensation of him caressing your insides. He puts you against the wall, making the hold easier for him. He thrusts into you with such a power and strength that you feel your head dizzy. He keeps moving, lewd sounds and mixed heavy breaths leaving your mouths. He feels how he’s going deeper and deeper. He smirks.

“That’s it. You’re taking it so good, like the cockslut you are. You struggled to take all of me in that little cunt, all stuffed by me. Such a doll, hm?” he says, out of breath. You nod while he keeps moving against you, you hand taking his hair as his mouth bites your neck. “You were a brat this morning, a fucking tease, but now you’re behaving like a good girl.” he whispers, before bitting you again. One of his hands sneak to the part you two are connected, and he caresses you gently, his fingers knowing perfectly were to touch. You gasp. “You like it, don’t you?”. Your back starts to hurt a little, the wood door is too hard to be resting against. Eren doesn’t mind, his muscles flexed while he keeps moving you up and down his length. “You’re about to, hm?” he asks. “You’re squeezing me. Hard.” He groans. It's true, you're feeling it as well, the knot on your belly that announces your end, pleasure maximized by Eren’s fingers. His lips cover yours, a strand of spit connecting your mouth when he parts, your mind unable to make a coherent sentence. You take your hands to his back, helping him with your movements, reaching your end faster. He isn’t going to edge you. He feels merciful today. He’ll let you cum after all you did for him, after how good you’re squeezing him, after the pretty expressions you made. You fall on his arms with a long sigh, juices dripping down the two of you as you keep shaking on his arms. He smirks. "Oi, you came really hard." He puts you down on the floor again, quietly sliding out of you. He's still as hard as he was. "I'm that good at it?" he asks. Then, he grabs your jaw, making you look at him. "Or maybe you're just a slut for me?"

You blush. You did. He knew where to bite, where to touch and where to thrust. You couldn't help, he’s good at this. He pats your head softly. "Now, in reward, since you didn't wait for me, you could use that pretty little mouth you used to tease me this morning in something more interesting, hm?" he asks. You know what he's asking for. Before you kneel, he sits on the bed, tying his hair again while a cigarette hangs from his lips. Then, he pushes softly by your shoulders. You hear him inhaling the smoke. Taking his phone, he makes you look at him, pulling your jaw quietly. “Do you mind if i film you?” You shake your head. Filming is quite interesting, and hot, definitely hot. “Promise me that those videos will never leave your phone”. He smiles, a soft and genuine smile, offering you his hand. You shake it.

“Promise.”

The image is quite hot, your face resting in his tight and your hands caressing him, while his parted lips let go moans mixed with smoke. He takes two fingers to your mouth, the other hand taking the phone. He films your hands, your expression, his words.

"You look pretty with your mouth full of my fingers, but I prefer another thing, doll." he says, quietly pushing your head, making an intrusion in your mouth. He sighs. "Fuck. Show the camera, pretty." You try to wipe the tears away and he caresses your jaw, making you look to the phone filming you. “Show it how you suck me.” You think about him, watching this video in the loneliness of his dormitory, no light, his hand sneaking into his pants. "Do it alright and we'll be done in a second." he says, taking a puff again. He smokes too much for your preference. His fingers, still full of your saliva, impact against your ass. "Faster, doll." he asks. Slap again. Again. You feel your skin tingling under his slaps, hot and red. "I would also like to ruin that pretty ass you have." He grabs it this time, the camera pointing at his big hand squeezing your buttock. You keep sucking under his sighs and gasps, helping yourself with your hand. He smiles. "That's it, I'm already." he moves his hips against you, strong enough to make you feel it. Tears come again to the corners of your eyes as he keeps moving, stronger, the camera pointing everywhere while he loses himself. "You want it? Should I let you have it on your mouth? Or maybe on your pretty face?" he gasps at the thought of your face full of his seed, and maybe that's what makes him pull it out and paint you. With a final sigh, Eren pauses the video, putting out the cigarette against an ashtray. You rest again near his legs as he looks at you. His hands grab your neck again, making you sit on his lap. “You should clean that mess. Don’t want everybody to know how much of a slut you are for me.” he says, his fingers outlining your lips. “And I’ll keep this.” he says, taking the panties he throw away earlier. “You know where to find me if you wanna get them back. Or maybe give me new ones.”

#aot smut #aot x reader #snk smut #snk x reader #eren smut #eren yeager smut #eren jaeger smut #eren x fem!reader #eren x reader #eren x y/n #eren x you #eren jaeger x reader

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akaashisimp08 · 3 years ago

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Bokuaka headcanons

I'm sorry. I know the next one was supposed to be Tsukiyama but I don't have enough ideas for that ship yet so I'm just gonna do Bokuaka first.

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- Bokuto fell for Akaashi when he first met Akaashi at the gym in his 2nd year of high school.

- Akaashi first admired Bokuto's ability to be so energetic and make people happy just by his smile but found himself slowly falling for Bokuto over the months.

- Bokuto REALLY like Akaashi to the point he wanted to fail his finals on purpose to stay with Akaashi (well, he barely passed it but :D)

- After Bokuto graduated, he would still go to his high school to meet his 'best friend'. He still wanted to have Akaashi set for him so the new team often have a session with Bokuto every month or so (maybe more because this man is needy)

- When Akaashi went to college, they slowly drifted apart. Akaashi being the insecure one purposely avoid Bokuto because he thinks that he will be a barrier to Bokuto's way to greatness. (Somebody hug this boy :( He's so hard on himself)

- Bokuto tried his best to contact Akaash, which is hella hard since this guy is just too good at hiding, but with the help of his old teammates (they ship them so hard) he finally was able to meet Akaashi again.

- Akaashi thought that he is going to get over Bokuto once away for him but the distance only makes him crave for Bokuto's smile even more :(

- They reunited and Bokuto helped Akaashi with his insecurity (Imma gonna skip the details because this is supposedly a headcanon, not a whole fic)

- They started dating and listen to me. This couple is SO SWEET I might get cavities.

- They found a way to hide from Bokuto's fans in public by making Bokuto not use any hair gel and put his hair down on dates.

- Akaashi went to Bokuto's nearly every match using the excuse of an interview. When Akaashi is there Bokuto plays like 120%. Fans and teammates (except for Sakusa, Hinata and Atsumu because they already know the relationship) notice the difference because this boy doesn't know how to hide. They found him looking at the crowds more often, agitated to win, showing off more,...

- Akaashi got attention from the Internet because of Kenma tweeting about him. (I mean look at that fine man) The whole Internet is talking about this mysterious handsome man. Everyone is trying to find out about him when Kenma said he was taken and the rumor started about him and the Kodzuken.

- Bokuto was so jealous and was in his emo mode (which rarely comes nowadays) the whole week making the whole media confused. Then the match at the end of the week, Akaashi finally came to this match and the whole media was even more confused when Bokuto suddenly perks up at the second set.

- A few matches after that people spotted the handsome guy-Akaashi at Bokuto's match a lot. Fans began speculating and stuff. Akaashi got himself a whole fandom (not so big but still)

- Time skip to the Olympics: Akaashi went to the Olympics and Japan won the finals. After the match, Akaashi was celebrating with the crowds when Bokuto ran to him and yes, kiss him (Ik it's cringe). At that moment the whole stadium froze. Then from the teams is the teasing and cheering of their friends. Oikawa began making kissing noises. (Argentina is the other team)

- They have to run out of the stadium after the match and hide because who would have thought that the 'handsome guy' and Bokuto is dating. After that game, Bokuto proposes and had a yes for the answer.

- Bokuto tweeted the photo of their hands intertwined with the ring and the caption: "Thank you for being with me the whole way my dear setter. I love you, Akaashi Keiji."

- Kenma, Kuroo, and their other friends also tweeted their congrats and tease. Kuroo commented: Bro, did Akaashi take that picture? I'm pretty sure that if not your phone already cracked. (Ik I'm as dry as f*ck so don't come after me pls)

After that day, Japan's media kinda died.

#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #akaashi #kenma #bokuaka #akaashi keiji #hq koutarou #bokuaka fluff #kenma kozume #hq kuroo #kuroo tetsurou #hq akaashi

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bourbon-ontherocks · 2 years ago

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3 10 18 (for something from pour me a drink) pls for writing asks!!

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

Oh, well I don't know that I have a writing ritual per se, but I do tend to check tumblr/emails/news/etc right before I start writing, like I'm saying goodbye to this world before descending into inner madness. It's cursed because most of the times I actually stop at that stage, get stuck into a scrolling rabbit hole and never write anything 😅

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

Um, well yeah, my own writing haunts me all the time lol! I mean I do write down sentences so they’ll stop haunting me.

And also many lines/passages I read from others tend to stay with me for a while after I read them. For instance that line you wrote in your bodyswap fic where Rio compares Dean’s eyes to Beth’s and says that it’s like somebody whashed the saturation off Elizabeth’s (forgive any mistake, I’m quoting from memory) is still with me -- and I’m getting sidetracked but I can’t believe it’s been more than a year since you posted that fic??? And I was there assuming it had been like five months 😅😅😅

Also I'm forever haunted by @blizabrth 's You'll turn into dirt.... This fic broke me. It's living a life of its own in my brain. I know it almost by heart. It was August but my grave was cold. When they found me they didn't even know who I was. WAS IT WORTH IT?? 😱😱😱

You wanted haunting well this is what haunting feels like 👻👻👻

Now what does that haunting mean to me (you’re trying to subliminally talk me into writing a ghost POV, arent you??)? Idk I don’t understand that question lol! I guess to me it’s just that some fragments of writing just stay there in a corner of my mind and pop back up every now and then and make me feel things?

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage. (for something from pour me a drink)

Oooof, this is a tough one, because I am afraid that this one story doesn’t have a backstory at all. Like I just sat at my desk one morning and wrote it all in one go, and as I remember it there were very few revisions so I’m not sure I have anything juicy to say about some before/after changes? I honestly don’t know what got into me that day, or what I was on, but it must have been wild.

I remember cackling for five minutes straight when I came up with the sentence about the garbled tales of the daubed mug, and also all the sexual innuendos (the ��sparkling drinks spilling inside you”, the “hand wrapped around his firmness” or something??) but that’s pretty much it I’m afraid... Honestly the way I remember it, it seems like you commented under one of my posts being like “pls write the bourbon POV” and I said okay and started thinking about it for a few minutes, sat down, and blam (the cxg-season-2-theme-song-with-rebecca-popping-in-the-middle kind of blam).

Weird writing asks

#ask #sothischickshe #writing #writing ask

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cry-stars · 3 years ago

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Fic Questionnaire

Tagged by @dazais-guardian-angel! Thank you so much, Dana! This is ridiculously long, so I’m putting it under a read-more, but first, I’m tagging @shocotate, @gemstoneslesbian, @theo-sev, @101flavoursofweird, @asa-liz, @teaofdestiny, and @ms-enmystic if any of you would like to do this as well! If anyone else would like to, please feel free, I mean it! I only tagged people that I know have an Ao3/write fics, but if you would like to, please go for it.

How many works do you have on AO3? 41

What's your total AO3 word count? 152999

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Professor Layton, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Lord of the Rings are the ones I’ve written the most for. I’ve also written a few stories for Rune Factory, Ace Attorney, Astro Boy, Ouran High School Host Club, Marvel, and Sonic the Hedgehog.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Open Jar, Golden Child, Ambivalence, The Duality of Homunculi, and Responsibilities. They’re all FMA stories; I’m kind of sad that none of the PL stories are on top, since I think I improved a lot since writing the FMA ones, but it all comes down to fandom size, I think.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

These days, I always do, even if it’s just a short “Thanks so much for reading, I’m so glad you liked it!” I’m just really grateful that somebody would take the time to read the story and bother to say something. It takes a lot of energy to leave a comment sometimes, even a short one, and saying thank you for that is the least that I can do. I had pretty bad depression about two and a half years ago and took a big social media break for about six months; I didn’t respond to any comments during that time. I feel pretty bad about it now, and sometimes I think about responding, but it was so long ago that I feel awkward replying now.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Maybe that OHSHC fic “Funeral” I wrote years ago where Tamaki gets… shot and dies??? Why did I write that…??? I intended to write a follow-up where he didn’t actually die and recovers, but I never did, so the fic seems to end with him dying. That’s one of the cringe fics that I kind of want to delete now :’) Second-closest (and one that I actually like/don’t find too cringey) is my recent Clora fic “Almost Lost,” which ends with a lot of crying, but it isn’t a tragedy and their crisis is averted.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not exactly. I did get a couple of comments with criticisms on FF.net years ago, but nothing horrible. Sometimes people vaguepost about how Clora is Bad after I post something, haha, but that’s pretty much the extent of it thankfully... I’d probably cry if I actually got a hate comment adsjhkdsaf... :’)

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Asdfhjkadfasdlfaf no. I get so embarrassed even writing about kissing. I’d someday like to write something that actually deserves the T rating that I give to a lot of my ship fics, but I don’t think that I could write anything higher-rated than that, and it’ll probably take me a long time to work up to that.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think so!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, not to my knowledge. If someone wanted to, though, that would be neat!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A long time ago, my friend and I wrote a very silly LOTR fic where we would alternate writing chapters, with no planning whatsoever. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard from her in years; I wish we could have finished the fic, even if it was garbage adskjhdsf… I miss her. More recently, my friend and I have been co-writing (or at least brainstorming) a Clora story (costarring a cherished OC) set twenty years after UF. Even if the fic takes forever to actually come together, we’ve come up with so many great ideas and it’s been loads of fun.

What's your all time favorite ship?

Clora’s definitely my all-time favourite. There have been a few others that are really special to me, but honestly, Clora has everything I want in a ship. They have so much potential for fluff and angst, and they can get SO much character development together. (and I really relate to/adore both characters sdjkhsadf…) The ship does get hate and that does discourage me at times, but they feel really rewarding to write about; I feel like I’m solving a puzzle whenever I get one step closer to having them get a happy ending together. Nobody had written about them since like… 2016 until I started last year, so I’m really glad that a few other people who also liked the ship have something to read again now.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Some of my old FMA WIPs… I’m not really into FMA or the characters/ship I used to write for anymore, and I kind of feel like I won’t ever get that kind of passion for the series again, although I still have some good memories of it. Every so often, though, I get a really nice comment on one of them and wish that I could finish them for those peoples’ sake.

What are your writing strengths?

Once I’ve found what emotion I’m going for, I think that I’m fairly good at keeping it consistent throughout a whole fic. I think that I’m also okay at being sympathetic to most characters, even ones that I don’t really like; it feels awful when somebody spitefully writes about my favourite characters, and I don’t want anyone to feel that way when reading my stuff. I think that I’m good at writing about… longing or yearning too, haha… not so good at writing established relationship stuff adshjksfd but I’m getting better.

What are your writing weaknesses?

So much… The biggest thing is getting myself to write at all. I just get so easily overwhelmed, distracted, or discouraged and give up. It takes me forever to write just a oneshot, let alone multichapter stories. I’m also quite bad at planning ahead… I plan major moments in a story, but often, the in-between bits are surprises to me. I do enjoy how my characters kind of take me on a ride and surprise me, but sometimes I find myself written into a corner. I also overexplain. So many of my chapters wind up so long because I feel like I have to explain every little detail.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ve never done much of that when writing about real-life languages, but I used to throw in the random Sindarin word in my LotR fics, such as calling someone’s father “Ada,” since that was common in LotR fics back then. If I was to do it now, though, I’d probably only include dialogue in another language if it was immediately translated to English afterwards, like someone explaining what a sentence meant, but I wouldn’t throw in random words unless it was a character’s normal habit to mix languages.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

The Lorax, but it was super cringe, and I deleted the fic… Funnily enough, it wasn’t even about the onceler, it was about my OC dad for him.

My official first fandom in my mind is Lord of the Rings/Tolkien in general. I was a very awkward and excitable teenager, new to the internet, and met a lot of kids on FF.net who were as awkward as me by commenting on their very silly fics/writing very silly fics similar to theirs to try to impress them. I had so much fun and made a lot of friends that way, although I’ve lost touch with almost all of them, sadly… I really miss them. The fics are all on my FF.net profile still, but I don’t recommend most of them aJSDKsdf… Those were the days before I was an angst addict and everything I wrote was ridiculous. Most things I wrote before 2019 aren’t very good to me...

What's your favorite fic you've ever written?

Right now, probably Bright Saffron Dreams… I put so much love and energy into that one, and it has so many tropes that I like in it. If I’d been brave enough to make it slightly more overtly romantic, it would have been exactly what I wanted in a Clora fic, haha...

#my fanfiction #tag games #I'm so sorry if I missed tagging anybody that would like to #please go for it if I missed you!

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thekidultlife · 4 years ago

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I Want Your Midnights | Lee Jihoon

Pairing: Jihoon x fem!reader

⍟ AU: Idol AU (?)

⍟ Genre: Fluff, a bit of angst on the side

⍟ Warnings: -

⍟ Word Count: 4.3k

⍟ A/N: Alright I know you guys are already sick of me just posting Jihoon fics, but it’s my birthday today, so just...humor me pls. This is almost a self-indulgent fic;;; I’ll be tagging @nrhfzh and all those jihoon stans who sent anons last time!!

(this should be posted on Friday which is Leanne’s schedule, but we decided she won’t post anything this week and I won’t post next Moday;;;)

btw, the song featured here is New Year’s Day by Taylor Swift. I recommend you listen to that song while reading this skkssk

-Hyeri

It was like an ordinary night. Like any night that you have spent before and will spend more in the future. Nothing extraordinary could be noted in particular between you and Lee Jihoon as you both sat eating in the quiet and privacy of his studio, between out of place candles and almost empty chicken buckets. It was as normal as a night can be.

Yet at the same time, in your own little way, it was also special.

Not being overly expressive with your love for each other, subtle gestures and acts of love screamed more than a thousand words could ever do. It never felt lacking or boring or empty like people thought it would be. In fact, your relationship was an adventure, even barely starting, it had been an uphill battle, and you both knew that.

As you came back from the comfort room washing your hands, you made a small scheming grin at your boyfriend who was still gobbling up the last remains of his chicken wing. Taking notice of that, he glanced at you with a smirk of his own.

"I know that look. What are you planning?" He asked as you sat across him, your arms folded confidently.

"Are you done eating?" You replied, watching him with a childish cheekiness in you.

"Well yeah," he dusted off the crumbs on his shirt with an innocent look. "What are you thinking though?"

With a coquettish smile, you stood up from your seat and went to his side. "Nothing really. Though I do want you to close your eyes and trust me."

Jihoon glanced at you with a bewildered look at first, wondering what you were scheming again this time, but when he saw that mischievous glint in your eyes, he knew it was something he shouldn't really worry about and simply chuckled at you.

"Fine, but don't do any funny business!" He finally agreed as he closed his eyes and waited for you.

He could hear you walking away and some wheels rolling. "I've never done any funny business." You denied teasingly.

He scoffed, even with his eyes closed. "Yeah right. Except that time when you drew on my face when I was drunk!"

He knew you were making an incredulous expression right now.

"C'mon! I was just trying to see what you would look like with a mustache," you laughed, walking towards him and reaching for his hands. "Don't open your eyes yet. I promise I won't draw a third eye on your forehead this time."

"Please don't. And please stop sharing meme faces of me to the other members. My reputation as vocal boss is on the line," he retorted back with a toothy grin as you chuckled, guiding him somewhere in the room.

"Can't promise that, Ji. I like my status as the official Lee Jihoon meme distributor," you replied, making him laugh out loud at how ridiculous that title was, before the both of you stopped walking. "You can sit now. I promise there's a chair to catch your butt."

For a while he feared that there really wasn't any chair for him to sit on, yet when he felt the soft foam of his swivel chair, he relaxed for a bit and sat down. Turning the chair around before you backed away, you allowed him to finally open his eyes. As soon as his sight came back, he was greeted by the image of you sitting in front of the electric keyboard with a soft smile on your lips.

"I can't promise you my voice or my playing would be up to your standards, but just…it's the thought that counts right?" You suddenly rambled, giggling.

Blinking, Jihoon was still processing what you were planning until it dawned on him the next second. "Are….are you going to sing me a song?"

You smiled at him bashfully. "Yeah, though I wish it was a song that I made myself, but I guess I'll put my feelings into somebody else's words for now. So you better listen."

Gazing into your eyes, he could sense the sincerity deep in you. You were someone who wouldn't make an effort just for the sake of being romantic. Everything you do for him meant something and was done with great consideration, he understood that, that's why right now, he could feel his heart swell with emotion.

A gentle smile on his lips, Jihoon leaned back. "I'll listen. Don't worry, I won't judge."

“You promised that, okay?” With a sheepish grin, you turned your attention back to the piano and placed your fingers on the correct chords.

With a small nervous breath, you began playing.

"There's glitter on the floor after the party

Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby…"

Soft chords accentuate your raw and amateur voice. It didn't need to be technically perfect, the genuine emotions which surfaced on your voice reflected beauty in Jihoon's ears. It didn't need to be perfect, but it was real. He always loved that about you. Your brutal honesty, the unapologetic optimism you had. It gives him strength to look forward to another day.

He remembered as he watched your fingers dance on the keys, the first time you met. It wasn't that special. He just saw you on the internet as he monitored his own social media presence, posting stuff about Seventeen and what not. He found your comments funny, your reactions interesting, that he found himself going through your posts every day. He knew he'd love to be your friend if he could.

Yet being an idol wasn't easy. You were so close yet so far away. It wasn’t as easy as typing the words ‘hey i wanna be your friend’ to just another person. His name held weight and Jihoon knew that. With his workload and all the responsibilities he had in his hands, he just couldn’t tell you what he felt. As he listened to your voice reverberating with the acoustics of his studio, he remembered how it took him years to finally stir up the courage and to finally see the opportunity to talk to you.

He was glad he did. If he hadn’t, his heart wouldn’t feel as full as it has been since he met you.

“If you’re really Woozi of Seventeen, then post a picture of yourself in Weverse and in the captions write what’s the last anime you’ve watched.” Jihoon remembered you telling him over chat, it was nerve-wracking back then but it felt silly now. Of course, you can’t just trust a random person claiming himself to be an idol. There were a lot of those these days.

“Let’s be friends first,” you wrote to him with a heart and a smiley face emoji back then. “I want to get to know you.”

“Don't read the last page, but I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away…”

Jihoon gazed at you, even then and until now, you were still beautiful in his eyes. No matter how many songs he’d composed about you, the emotions that reside in his chest would never run dry. The way you laugh, the way you talk, the way you’d do just about anything—he only had you in his eyes. Yet things weren’t always roses and butterflies.

You were so frustrated at him at that time when he had gotten scared of his own emotions. Jihoon knew, deep inside, that he had grown to love you over chats on SNS; your witty sarcasm and wonderful conversations were like water and sunlight to the love growing, rooting deeper and deeper into his heart.

He wasn’t unfamiliar to this feeling, yet he had been betrayed by this same emotion in the past and he wished he’d never had to be again this time. He was frightened that you could easily leave him, broken and empty, like the others did. Admittingly, he had lost hope for a love that was unconditional. He didn’t believe that there would be anyone out there who could love him wholeheartedly as much as he did, even through his flaws and his mistakes.

But you suddenly popped into his life, unaware of how much power you hold over him.

“You annoy me so much!” you told him over one fateful video call. “Jihoon, I feel so confused, you know? What am I really to you? Do you want to be just friends or do you want something more? If you want to stay as friends, then fine! I won’t force you. But that doesn’t mean I’d wait for you forever when you’re ready to take this to another step.”

He didn’t enjoy fighting with you. Not at all. Yet he was scared and stuck and didn’t know what to do. Being more meant more risks of hurting you unintentionally.

“But I can’t decide, Y/N! Dating means people will talk, and I don’t want them to talk about you! But I can’t just make everything I feel about you disappear!” he replied, and you were taken aback. “But if letting you go is the price I have to pay for your peace, then I don’t mind hurting.”

Tears were already threatening to slide down your cheeks, and if only you knew how much it pained him to see you like that back then. To hear you trip on your words, to hold back small sobs as you tried to find coherent words to keep the conversation going, it felt like a thousand knives piercing through him.

“Stop that…please. Do you think I won’t feel anything when you say that?” you replied. “Jihoon, I can understand where you’re coming from but don’t ever think that you’re the only one carrying this relationship, or whatever this is. For this to work, you have to share your burdens with me, you have to trust me, to depend on me.”

“I know that all your life, you’re used to doing everything by yourself, and I’m no different. We’ve achieved so many things just by ourselves. But we can’t be like this forever. A relationship isn’t just you or just me. It’s us both. So lean on me, let me carry those heavy feelings and I’d do the same with you. I want this to work, Jihoon. I don’t want to give up.”

Even if it was only through some shitty PC screen that he could see you, it didn’t diminish the weight of those words. He could feel it back then, he could still feel it right now as you played on the piano, singing a simple song—you were the one he wanted, tomorrow and forevermore.

“You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi, I can tell that it's going to be a long road…”

Jihoon would forever be thankful for you. Everything that you did for him, even if unintentionally on your part. He couldn’t admit how much he appreciates you in his life—through early morning calls when you were still far apart, and now through your warm presence in his studio as he worked.

“I’m considering moving there in the next year or so,” you suddenly told him over a phone call as you did your work. “Now that I’m breaking through the Korean webcomic scene, I think it’s better to stay close to my audience. And I think it’s better that we can finally be together, geographically at least.”

He could still remember it as fresh as that day. His heart began beating so fast, a wide grin broke out on his lips. He was worried that it’ll be too much for you to handle, but he had learned as your relationship progressed, that you’re someone who doesn’t get pushed back by hurdles so easily. Besides, you had him.

Jihoon was glad that he can now keep you closer more than ever.

It wasn’t easy, like everything else in life. But there was nothing the both of you couldn’t handle. It took so much silence and deception to hide your relationship from the public—a decision the both of you agreed upon long before. Jihoon knew that the both of you were private people, and more than anything, you didn’t want anyone to become privy to your intimate relationships.

For the first time, in such a long time, Jihoon was able to hold you close. Gazing at you, at your real eyes, at that time, felt surreal. Jihoon always thought he knew almost everything about you, yet he had never anticipated that there were still a lot of things about you which he hadn’t discovered yet.

He never had thought how warm your touch was, how bright your grin was when you were scheming some prank, how loud your voice got when you were so passionate about something, how soft your lips were when you finally kissed for the first time. No matter how much technology brought you two together, nothing compared to actual, real life affection shared between lovers.

“I'll be there if you're the toast of the town babe or if you strike out and you're crawling home...”

Jihoon remembers, as you sang, how you silently embraced him on nights when he felt the world was too heavy on his shoulders. You wouldn’t say anything to him until he would open up; patiently waiting as you tapped an irregular beat on his back. As easily as that, you’d erase all the stress that he had accumulated over time.

You didn’t need to say anything grand or moving, or make all of his problems disappear. Your simple gestures were already enough. You were already enough for him.

“I don’t deserve you, Y/N,” he whispered to you one night as he buried his face on your shoulder. “You’re everything that I want, but I’m not sure if I’m giving you everything that you want.”

You giggled, sighing as you brushed your fingers through his newly dyed hair.

“You don’t have to worry, Jihoon. You’ve given me so much that you never even realized it.”

He pouted, not liking how vague you were. “Like what?”

“Aren’t you just conveniently forgetting how many songs you’ve written for me?” you replied, a smirk on your lips as you twirled a lock of his around your finger.

“But…those are just songs! It’s not as special as the things you’ve done for me…”

“Don’t underestimate them, Ji,” you told him as you pulled back, cupping his cheeks and looking into his eyes. “I know how important music is to you, how it’s an extension of your feelings, and to be a part of it is something I’d consider meaningful.”

For a moment, Jihoon gazed at you; his eyes holding so much emotion. There it was that he knew—he was truly, deeply, madly in love with you.

“Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you…”

Feeling a strong urge, he leaned into you, capturing your lips into a deep and passionate kiss. Everything, everything that he felt for you at that time, he poured into that kiss, making you gasp for air. You cling to him for support, wholly surprised at his sudden intensity, yet not unwelcome at all.

As the both of you pulled away, Jihoon once again returned to your arms, allowing himself to be vulnerable before you.

“I truly don’t deserve you,” he whispered on your shoulder..

“After that incredible kiss?” you teased, “Statement denied.”

Jihoon groaned and you chuckled.

“I know you’re overthinking again, so I’ll say it clearly. You’re more than I ever wanted, Lee Jihoon.”

You paused, patting his head, tightening your arms around him.

“Whenever you call just to check up on me despite your busy schedule, whenever you share funny stories about the members, whenever you act cute and pouty when I ask you to do aegyo for me…what else…?”

He grunted disapprovingly at your comment and you giggled. “I don’t act cute.”

“You do, you know? You’re naturally and inherently cute,” you replied. “You’re cute when you make ramyeon for me even when I just eat the noodles, you’re cute when you offer to hold my bag or open the door for me, or when you insist on paying for dinner, and you’re so cute when you hold me close whenever I feel down and insecure about myself and my work.”

Jihoon was silent, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. He thought you didn’t really catch on those little things he did, but he had underestimated your memory and your powers of observation.

“There’s a lot more I can say, you know? I should make a list for you and maybe stick it on your desk whenever you begin to question yourself again.”

He snorted. “No, thank you. The members would see it and I don’t want them to.”

“I’ll do it when you annoy me,” you joked, despite your words. “Now, I hope I’ve reassured your worries for tonight.”

Snuggling against your shoulder, Jihoon smiled. “Yeah, thank you.”

“Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere…”

As your words fell like chants into his ears, Jihoon was mesmerized by the image of you singing, his eyes wandering. A bitter memory relapsed into his mind, and a reminder that not everything was golden in your paradise.

It was a cold January night, snow had finally ceased falling at one in the morning. The both of you were inside his studio just like normal; a habit the two of you took comfort in. He was holding your hand tight, keeping it warm with his hands in his pocket, as you scrolled on your phone.

For a while, it felt normal. The sounds of the clock ticking, the gentle thrumming of your heartbeat, the soft breaths you both shared. Yet, just like that, everything gradually became colder. It wasn’t the actual temperature, but your mood as he watched your expression turn from amused to a deadpan frown.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, kissing your temple. For some reason, he had developed a rather intuitive connection with you over time, where he can easily sense your change of moods despite your lack of expression.

You sighed as you looked up, leaning against him. He wondered if you were pondering on telling him the truth, or just keep your thoughts hidden. Before he could actually express to you his own thoughts, you sighed and nestled yourself on his shoulder, closing your eyes.

“Jihoon, is this all a mistake?” you asked, your voice small.

He blinked, furrowing his brow at the complex question. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve read a few things online.”

It was a simple thing to say, yet Jihoon immediately knew what you were talking about. With a sigh, he adjusted his position where he could wrap his arms around you tightly.

“People always talk, Y/N. We can’t do anything about it but continue living our own lives and ignore them.”

“But what if they reveal our relationship as a scandal and you’re forced to leave Seventeen? They could do that so easily, you know!” You asked with a weak voice, clinging to him tightly. “I don’t want that to happen. I’ll never let that happen, Jihoon!”

“Then we’ll announce before they do,” he easily replied, brushing his fingers through your hair. “Have you forgotten how strong the relationship between Carats and Seventeen is? Of course, some will react negatively, but I know that they would be accepting.”

Once more, Jihoon heard you sigh. “Sometimes I feel like I’m just being selfish by being with you. A lot of people look up to you, Ji, and they all want a piece of your world. I don’t want to be possessive of you but sometimes I just question myself, like what if this is wrong? What if this was a mistake?”

Gazing into your eyes, Jihoon felt all of your concerns. It was already given that dating an idol would be hard, and moments of weakness like these could make your anxieties grow into deeper, darker shadows.

“It’s gonna be weird for me to say this but it’s ok to be selfish,” he told you, his words firm and certain. “Oh god, how do I say this…but look, Y/N, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be with me. We’re a couple, and that’s normal. There’s nothing wrong with being a couple.”

“But you’re an idol! If they knew, people would say a lot of bad things about you, and I don’t want that!”

“No matter how many times they say I’m an idol, I’m a human being, first and foremost, and just like everybody else, I have my own personal life which doesn’t revolve around my job. People will always say a lot of bad things about me no matter what I do, but what’s important to me is that I have you by my side, I have everyone by my side. So don’t ever think that this is wrong. You and I are never wrong. Who are they to judge what is wrong or right for me when they don’t know who I am?”

Jihoon realized that after his speech, you turned silent, and instead buried yourself deeper against his chest.

“You’re important to me, Y/N. What other people say doesn’t matter to me anymore. As long as you’re here with me, I’m able to do anything.”

In a quiet voice, Jihoon caught your words. “Thank you for this, Ji…”

“But I stay when it's hard or it's wrong or we’re making mistakes…”

There was always a strange quality to time whenever he was with you. Sometimes time would slow down, sometimes it would pass by in just a blink of an eye. As he began to reminisce instead of actually listening, he realized just how much time had passed between the both of you.

“I want your midnights, but I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day…”

On that certain night, when the both of you were wrapped between sheets, when the bright lights of Seoul reflected on the stark white ceiling, when you were tangled in each others arms, listening to your own fast paced heartbeats after a long night, he remembers you pulling him close, brushing stray locks from his face.

“Jihoon...” you whispered under your breath, your fingers tracing circles on his cheekbones then down his jaw and to his lips. “You’re very handsome, did you know that?”

He smirked at you, placing a chaste kiss on your lips. “What? You still haven’t gotten enough?”

In an instant your face heated up as you hit his toned chest playfully, making Jihoon laugh. “Ehh...! Don’t mention that now!”

As his devious eyes turned soft, he smiled at you, wrapping his arms around your waist. “What is it then?”

You sighed, gazing at the ceiling. “I just thought that someday, I know, things wouldn’t be this way anymore.The spark wouldn’t be as strong as before, the butterflies will eventually disappear. Things would become mundane between us...”

There was a melancholic tone in your words; a detail which hadn’t escape his attention. Yet Jihoon knew that what you were talking about was reality. As the both of you would eventually be consumed by work, by responsibilities, by day to day obligations, it wasn’t a far off thought that the way you felt for each other would turn dim. He knew that, and he feared it.

“But, you know...” you continued, breaking him away from his own thoughts. “Even if that happens, I’m not scared. Even if love do fail us someday, I’m confident that we would still be together, that we can still fix it. Rather than lovers who’re friends, we’re friends who became lovers. Even if you and I will eventually drift off, we still have a strong friendship. And we can rebuild everything from there.”

Jihoon oftentimes wondered how you’re able to get these epiphanies. Your mind was deep and thoughtful, and that was one of the things he loved about you. Conversations with you were never dull as you bounced off ideas at one another. You would always say well-said ideas, often describing how he feels better than he ever will.

“I want to share exciting things with you, Jihoon. I want to be helplessly all over you. I want to feel aroused, flustered, or dying of laughter. But when things get boring or nothing is really happening, or when we have to face bills, chores, or responsibilities, I’ll stay with you.”

A hundredfold, you were better at making him feel loved. He admits that.

“You know, sometimes, I wonder what I’ve done in my past life for you to choose me,” he replied, a wide grin plastered on his face. “You’re everything that I could ever ask for, Y/N. Even if you don’t have to, you still take care of me so much. I swear I’ll make you happy even if I have to walk through fire or sleep on nails.”

“I don’t think that’ll make me very happy,” you replied, grinning. “But...wanna know what else that could make me happy?”

Jihoon arched an elegant brow at you, his lips curving into a smirk. Ah yes, he definitely knows. “I was absolutely right when I said you still haven’t had enough.”

“Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you…”

Thinking of how much time has passed, how much the two of you had been through, almost left him in tears. The memories the both of you shared over the years was incredible that it was hard to let them go.

As he watched you finally sing the last few seconds of the song, Jihoon was sure that this moment would become another beautiful memory he would reminisce about one day in the future. It filled his heart, thinking about a pleasant future with you. A long time ago he had sang a song—doubting what kind of future was in store for him, yet now he already knows that it was something bigger, more beautiful that he had ever expected.

“Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you…”

As the final chord resounded across the room, both your eyes met in soft glances. You smiled at him, the sweetest, most loving smile you could ever muster, and then finally sang:

“...And I will hold on to you.”

Allowing the note to dissipate and disappear, you then turned to Jihoon with a bashful smile on your lips. “Well? Did you like your surprise?”

Already a blushing mess, Jihoon simply burst out giggling as you looked at him in confusion.

“Ya! Why are you laughing?” you exclaimed as you sulked, pulling on the sleeve of his shirt.

Still chuckling, he stood up, pulling you towards his arms as he captured you in a tight embrace. He felt at peace with you more than anywhere.

As it was apparent to you that he was in a rather good mood, you made a bemused smile as you wrapped your arms around him, also laughing on your own.

“What’s gotten into you now?” You asked as he pulled away, now able to gaze into your eyes.

“Nothing. I just thought you’re absolutely cute,” he replied as he cupped your cheeks, squishing them much to your chagrin.

“Seriously, Jihoon! Why’re you so happy?”

“Am I not allowed to be happy now?” he replied, his eyes turning into crescents.

You raised your brows at him with a grin. “You like my song, didn’t you?”

“And what if I did? It was a really nice song, you know.”

This time, it was your turn to burst out into giggles. It was hilarious how Jihoon was being so roundabout with admitting that he liked it; it was incredibly adorable.

“You’re so cute, Hoonie~”

It was no secret that he doesn’t appreciate being cooed at, as he made a small frown upon hearing your nickname for him.

“Now I don’t think I’m so happy anymore.”

“Oh c’mon!” You hit his chest lightly with a chuckle. “Tell me what you really think about it!”

His eyes filled to the brim with endearment for you, Jihoon stared into your eyes, trying to communicate how much he was so thankful that you entered his life.

“I like it. I love it, Y/N,” he replied, caressing your cheek. “It made me remember everything we’ve been through, and how much we’ve grown together.”

“And we’ll continue to the next year and in the future. Thank you for giving me your midnights, Jihoon.”

“My midnights would always be yours, as you will always be my mornings,” he gave you another embrace, embedding the feel of your skin against his, the way your hair brushes through his hands, the sound of your voice and the your scent—he will burn them all into his head so he won’t ever forget how much he loves you.

There were so many words that he could say so he could just express how he was thankful that you became a part of his life, yet none of them seemed fitting to say at that moment. Instead, as Jihoon finally decided upon, that it was best to leave them for future songs and say the words that he really wanted to say for such a long time now.

“I love you.”

-Hyeri

#seventeen #svtcreations #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen woozi #lee jihoon

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jksmoongf · 5 years ago

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Kissing Fire [pt. 12] *final*

Pairing: Jungkook x reader x girlfriend (oc) Genre: cheater!AU, angst, smut Wordcount: 16.7k Warning: smut, lies, heartbreak and more lies and maybe fluff if you squint

Summary: It always feels like there is only one person in the world to love. And then you find somebody else.

a/n: I don’t condone cheating on your s.o., so please don’t read if you have a problem with this! (also I’m not saying this is something Jungkook would actually do!) **a/n: It’s been a long time coming but it’s finally here and I really hope none of you are disappointed! As always, some feedback would be lovely! I wanna thank @struggleofarmy for always helping me, and encouraging me and sobbing with me through the long process of writing this chapter! Thank you D. - I love you!!! 💕💕💕 And I need to thank @jaxonah for her big brain and planning with me, literally, the entire fic ( y’all can thank her, bc Sammy inspired KF and without her, it would've never happened!) Thank you bby! I love you so much, you don't even understand! 💜💜💜

Warning chapter 12: crying (it’s an emotional rollercoaster or maybe just an angst-fest who knows), smut ( handjob (female/male receiving), minor tiddie play, grinding, good ol’ vanilla sex with a surprise at the end, as always unprotected, but pls use protection ), profanities, fluff (you’ll need a magnifying glass to find it), Jk doing dumb irrational things (no spoilers on that tho) Song rec: Every Avenue - Between You and I (please listen to it, it’s beautiful and just reflects the entire fic so well. it really sets the tone for this last chapter.)

Namjoon was hiding in his studio; hunched over, he cowered at his desk just tiredly scrolling through his favorite online clothing store. Distraction was his main priority at this point, he tried so hard to not overthink or go looking for more hateful comments that would send him into a downwards spiral. His face was hidden underneath the hood of his big comfy sweater, his eyes quickly scanned each item but ultimately deciding that he didn’t really like any of them enough to make a purchase. Whenever he stopped, his brain went into a frenzy the past few days, the exhaustion creeping up on him; he always thought he should have everything under control but the current situation proved him wrong. He felt powerless, not knowing how to handle all the negative articles that were being published in an abundance every hour. A weak knock made him flinch involuntarily, and when the door quietly opened bare feet waddling on the hardwood floor told him that he wasn’t alone anymore. “Hyung…” He knew the soft familiar voice all too well, but for reasons, he couldn’t explain goosebumps traveled down his back before he slowly spun around in his chair. The youngest was standing by the small wooden coffee table, dressed in all black as if he was mourning the death of a loved one and to a certain extent, Namjoon was sure, he was. He was mourning the loss of his relationship that had only just begun. “What’s up?” He had avoided being alone with the maknae; he didn’t quite know how to speak to him at this very moment in time. It was almost like an invisible barrier was separating them, making it awkward to even look him in the eyes. “I just wanted to talk to you…” “About what?” His heartbeat was quickening, Jungkook wasn’t a kid anymore but he still needed his older brothers, maybe now more than ever before. “You know…” He shuffled his feet, looking uncomfortable and out of place like he was about to change his mind and leave but he made his way around the table to sit down on the small couch. His eyes rested on him as he inhaled deeply to gain more time. “About everything that has been going on…I-I just want…” Without warning the younger boy bowed, averting his gaze to his knees. “I’m sorry, I really am.” “Jungkookie, don’t do that. You-“ The words got stuck in his throat, Namjoon knew how much it must have taken out of him to even come here and try to talk to him. Jungkook looked up to him, it wasn’t a secret that he had always had a big impact on the youngest member. But right now, the queasy feeling in Namjoon’s stomach made him feel like he failed not only as a role model but even worse, as a big brother. “No, I have to. I know, I disappointed you.” He wanted to object but couldn’t. As much as he blamed himself for what happened, he was disappointed in Jungkook and his reckless behavior. After all those years in the industry, he thought that all of them had a better understanding of how careful they had to be when it came to their privacy and personal lives. He wanted to chalk it up to Jungkook being young but he should’ve known better.

“I hate to say it but you’re right.” A shaky breath left his lungs when he finally managed to speak, tearing down the wall that had kept all of his emotions and thoughts at bay. “I am disappointed in you. You know, I keep asking myself where it all went wrong…did we not teach you right from wrong? Did we, no - did I fail at teaching you that you need to be careful and that your personal life should never interfere with our job? Have you not learned anything from being in the industry for years? Why didn’t you think ahead? Why didn’t you delete those videos? Why did you even take them to begin with? Why didn’t you break up with your girlfriend before you started cheating on her? I have so many questions and I’m not even sure I want to know the answers because I’m afraid that it will hurt and cause more pain. You’re still my little brother but I’m questioning everything these days - I feel like I’ve failed you in so many ways.”

Jungkook swallowed the lump in his throat; he didn’t know how or where to start with explaining himself. Did Namjoon even want to hear what he had to say? Would he even believe him?

The palms of his hands were clammy as he folded them together to keep them from shaking. “Hyung, you didn’t fail just because I make mistakes. Please don’t blame yourself for something that I did…” He didn’t want to cry but the tears were already prodding at the corners of his eyes. All of them were mad at him and disappointed, it wasn’t just his image that was ruined, he tarnished the group's image forever with his stupidity. The voice inside his head that had been fairly quiet was getting louder with every second that passed - his heart hurt that he didn’t think far enough ahead to know that what they had been doing was reckless and could cause so much trouble and harm but alas, he knew that you’re always smarter looking back on your previous actions.

“I do think I am at least partially to blame. I know, I have been busy and I wasn’t always there for you when you needed me for guidance but a part of me was hoping that you would make the right decisions regardless…I don’t want to lecture you, I don’t want to act like I can tell you what to do, Jungkook but I do feel responsible for you and your actions.” He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees as his fingers intertwined with each other, his nails pressing into the delicate skin on his knuckles. “I don’t condone that you cheated on Yina and lied to all of us for so long but I do understand that you fell out of love and fell in love with someone else. It hurts that you didn’t think you could trust any of us enough to tell us or come to us for advice. We’re a family, yes, we will tell you the truth when you fuck up but we will always be here for you, we always have each other’s backs. I really thought you would have stopped for a moment to think of the consequences it could have when you took those videos but I guess, I expected too much from you. You’re only 22 years old and you are allowed to make mistakes but I just can’t help but think that somewhere along the way I messed up when you needed me.” Namjoon blinked when he saw a few stray tears rolling down Jungkook’s puffy cheeks; he didn’t want his words to hurt him but he needed to get them off his chest and if he didn’t do it now, he would probably never get a second chance. “You really didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t even know why I did most of those things. I know, I knew better even back then.” His hand automatically slid into the pocket of his hoodie to wrap around the white gold bangle, he had been carrying around ever since she gave it back to him two nights ago. “I know, I should’ve come to you, but at first I thought I just had a silly crush on y/n and it wasn’t even worth mentioning. I thought it would fade away over time but it didn’t, it only got stronger and I was too weak to fight my feelings and when we got into this web of sneaking around and lying, I just couldn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me because… I-I look up to you so much, what you think of me matters to me and seeing that look of disappointment on your face…I never wanted to see that…” He croaked, trying to dim the tears flowing down his face with his sleeve. “I just wanted all of you to be proud of me, especially you, hyung but I knew that once you found out about what I did, you would be ashamed so I kept it a secret.” It felt like someone was standing on his chest, making it harder to breathe with every word he spoke.

The countless times Namjoon had seen Jungkook cry before never hurt as much as it did now; he was breaking down in front of him. Tears spilling from the big brown eyes with no sign of stopping; he wanted to get up and comfort him but he couldn’t move, it was almost like he was glued to his chair; forced to endure the punishment of seeing the youngest falling apart. “Why did you take those videos and for goodness sake why didn’t you delete them right after?” “I don’t know, it was the only thing we had when we couldn’t be together. After y/n had taken the first video…it was exciting, I liked watching it back and I’m so stupid for not thinking that it could get me in trouble.” The pressure inside his head was building up rapidly as the tears just kept coming, making his vision blurry. “We were so caught up in our little bubble of lying that we thought we were safe. We had minor scares here and there but nobody ever caught us so it never crossed my mind that somebody might get a hold of those videos after we managed to keep us a secret for so many months.”

The older one took the inside of his cheek between his teeth, index finger tapping on his lips. “When I think back to all the excuses you made to leave with her, or how many times I saw you two leaving rooms at the company, I never would’ve thought that you were capable of doing what you did…”

“I was selfish, I put myself first to get what I want. I couldn’t bear the thought of breaking Yina’s heart and I felt horrible but I hurt her in so many ways and I know she will never forgive me and now I’m paying the price for what I’ve put her through.” His quivering lips pressed together tightly as Jungkook tried to stay in control of his body that was flooding with all the things he didn’t want to feel. “Y/n broke up with me…” He finally pulled the bracelet from his pocket, closing his eyes as his fingers traced the metal, wishing he could melt it to fix the cracks in his heart. “I deserve it, I don’t get to be happy after what I did and if I could turn back time and do the right thing - I would but I can’t. I deserve all the mean comments people are making about me, and they would rip me to shreds if they knew the whole story.” “You’ll have to forgive yourself; every day you’re growing and learning more. Next time you won’t make the same mistake again.” “How am I supposed to forgive myself when everyone hates me? Especially you guys…I can see it when you look at me, how disappointed and disgusted you are. You’re trying to be nice because we’re family but I broke your trust and I don’t even know how to fix things with Tae. He won’t even look at me, it’s like I don’t exist. I feel so lost, I want to fix everything but how do I do that? How do I get all of you to trust me again? How do I get Taehyung to forgive me? How do I make all the mean things people are saying go away? How do I get y/n back? I miss her.” In order to suppress a sob, he sunk his teeth into the soft flesh of his bottom lip - replacing the painful contractions of his heart with a stinging feeling that would soon subside. A sigh escaped Namjoon’s lips before he rubbed his face with both of his hands. “I honestly wish I had the answers to all your questions but I think you need to focus on yourself right now. Be open and honest, not only with yourself but with the other members and you’ll see they’ll learn to trust you again. As for Taehyung, he needs time and you’ll just have to wait it out until he is ready to talk to you.” “W-wouldn’t it be easier if I just left the group? I don’t want to drag you down with me more than I already have.” He chuckled at the ridiculousness of the youngest statement. “Jungkookie, no! It’s either sink or swim and right now is the time to swim to stay afloat. You’ll have to fight to make things right again but you can come back from this. Right now it seems like you won’t; like it is the end of the world but you can and you will come out of this stronger.” Jungkook looked up and for the first time in days, he locked eyes with the leader. “It’s a little too late now, I know, but what would you do if you were in my shoes, hyung?” Namjoon took a deep breath; he wasn’t sure if Jungkook would like his answer or not but after thinking about the options, he came to the conclusion that there was only one thing that would calm down the raging fans and the rest of the public who seemed to care too much about celebrity gossip. “If I were in your shoes, I would make a public apology. Get in front of the camera and own your mistake. Promise them that you’ll do better in the future. It will be a lot easier than hiding and waiting it out until they find a new scandal to bad-mouth somebody else.” Jungkook nodded, Namjoon only had his best interest at heart but the thought of having to stand in front of the cameras and owning up to his mistake scared him to death. What if they attacked him like starving animals? What if he messed up again and he would have to flee the country so they wouldn’t be able to lapidate him?

* After buttoning up her jacket, she looked in the small mirror on the wall - shocked to see that the concealer she had put on before work, had lost its power, making her look like she was ready to star in a zombie movie in a just a matter of hours. Sleep wasn’t easy to find; her thoughts always circling in around Jungkook and how much she missed him, missed his voice and his touch. She knew, she would be feeling like this for a while, yet she didn’t know how draining it would be. Of all the boyfriends she had been with before, none of them had anchored themselves inside her heart, unlike Jungkook who seemed to have superglued himself in place and there was no way to rip him out like an unwanted parasite. But maybe she was the parasite who poisoned his life and ruined his career; maybe all those girls were right when they said that she was the one to blame - that she was standing in the way of his future as if she hadn’t done enough damage already. No matter how badly she wanted to believe that their love was real, maybe it wasn’t. He was too good for her and she began to feel like she should just go back home to get as much space between them as possible - just in case their paths would cross again and she would get another chance at ruining his life. Shaking her head to banish the bad thoughts, a small smile tugged at her lips. Ha-na had told her not to read what people were saying online but she was weak and some girls made excellent points, she wasn’t pretty enough for Jungkook and maybe she should be pushed down the stairs because nobody would miss her anyway, especially not Jungkook. “Y/n, don’t forget to take home your new blouses.” Byungchul called as he passed by the staff room, stopping in his tracks. “I won’t.” She bowed to her boss. “What are you still doing here anyway?” He cocked an eyebrow, eyeing her suspiciously. He had told her to go home a while ago but she couldn’t bring herself to leave because if she did, she would have to be alone in her head and work was the only distraction she had. “I-I…I’m leaving now.” “Good, go home and get some rest, you look tired.” “I will.” She smiled weakly as she shouldered her bag and grabbed the little bundle of neatly folded white blouses. When she stepped outside, the cold air immediately filled her lungs and clearing her head momentarily. It would take her a lot longer to walk home but it was better than being crammed into the metro with people and even worse, maybe hearing his name somewhere that would send her into a downwards spiral of hurt and guilt. Her legs felt heavy as she dragged them over the concrete, the other people around her seemed to not have a care in the world. Everyone looked so happy, especially the couple in front of her holding hands. It wasn’t that she didn’t want others to be happy but the simple fact that Jungkook and her had never got to do just that, brought tears to her eyes. It all ended too quickly - if only they could have had one more perfect day together.

The hard sounding footsteps of someone running echoed loudly in the store lined street but when she turned around, she only saw people walking alongside her, some of them even turned their heads to make out where it was coming from. “You’re in the way.” A girl brushed past her, bumping into her arm. “I’m sorry.” She bowed her head slightly, deciding that she probably had just been in her head too much and it had just been a figment of her imagination when suddenly someone ripped the bundle from her hand and ran down the street. It took her a moment to wrap her head around what just happened before her instincts kicked in and she hurried after the person in the black jacket. “Hey! Stop!” Her voice was weak, but to her surprise, her legs moved a lot faster than she had anticipated and she never lost sight of them, even with all those strangers around who’s faces were just a blur.

The person made a right turn into a smaller street off the side and when she finally turned the corner, she stopped in her tracks. The bundle had been ripped apart and the crisp white blouses were lying on the dirty street. Dropping her bag on the floor, she scurried to pick them up, trying to prevent them from getting ruined when someone yanked her ponytail. * Ha-na was sitting on the comfy sofa in the living room, Taehyung was resting his head on her shoulder while he busied himself on his Nintendo Switch. She was glad that he tried to distract himself and finally came out of his room, at least for a few hours, although he wasn’t speaking much to anyone that wasn’t her or his best friend. Jimin was mindlessly scrolling on his phone, the hood of his sweater pulled down deep to cover most of his face while the youngest was sitting on the floor next to him staring blankly at the tv just like the rest of the members. The atmosphere felt dense, everyone was just waiting for Sejin to come back to the dorms - he had texted Namjoon earlier that they had finally gotten a lead on who had leaked the videos. Ha-na still felt bad about everything that had happened, she had only wanted for Jungkook to do the right thing and everything just got out of hand. Her eyes rested on the bracelet he was holding, his fingers clinging onto the metal so tightly that the blood flow was low and his hand was shaking ever so slightly. When Jin had jokingly tried to take it away from him earlier, Jungkook had almost started throwing a tantrum. Would things ever go back to normal again? Going against everything she had told the others, it had become part of her routine to check any social media and news outlets for articles. She hated seeing that everyone seemed to have an opinion on Jungkook and y/n and spreading false rumors and lies that made everything worse. She was glad though that neither her boyfriend nor the youngest went online to see what people were saying, it would only put more strain on their already broken friendship. For once there had been no new publications but twitter was chaotic as always when she stumbled upon a tweet from a fan that caught her attention, linking to a video. ‘The bitch got what she deserved!’ Hesitantly Ha-na clicked on it, the quality was shaky and someone was breathing heavily and running while filming the street when loud voices could be heard in the near distance. “Oh my god! No.” She covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes focused on the screen. She wanted to look away, yet she couldn’t despite being repulsed by what she saw. “What’s up?” Taehyung sat up, trying to get a glimpse of what she was watching. “Nothing…” Not managing to lock her screen in time before he had already snatched it from her hand. The pure expression of shock on his face sent shivers down her body - she didn’t want him to see it, it would hurt him so much. He mumbled something, the others’ attention now on him as his eyes grew wider by the second. “What is it?” Jimin scooted over to his best friend to see what he was looking at. “Y/n…” In the blink of an eye, everyone had gathered around them, watching how a group of girls was pulling her hair, slapping her and calling her names, while she was on the ground trying to cover her face, pleading with them to leave her alone. The video wasn’t long, and after watching it a second time, Taehyung quickly dropped the phone and got up, hurrying to the small bathroom. Carefully her eyes wandered to Jungkook, his whole body was shaking and tears were streaming down his cheeks. Ha-na wasn’t sure how he was feeling; was he hurt, angry, disappointed or sad? His face showed no emotion, simply staring into nothingness, yet she knew there was a storm brewing inside of him. Seeing faceless comments through a screen was bad but actually hearing the words ‘you ruined his career, kill yourself’ coming from someone made her feel sick to her stomach. “That was…wow…” Hoseok breathed out, before rubbing his eyes in disbelief. “We have to do something, we can’t just let this happen.” “I’m going to see if she’s okay!” Jungkook grabbed his hoodie, ready to head for the door when Jimin quickly hopped over the back of the couch to stand in his way. “You can’t do that, you’ll get in trouble. You know, y/n wouldn’t want that. I’m sure, she’s fine.” He grabbed Jungkook’s arm, stopping him from pushing past him. “How can you say that? Those girls hit her because of me! I know her better than any of you, I know she’s not okay, I can feel it.” He tried wrenching his arm from Jimin’s grasp. “Hyung, get out of the way.” It was a weak warning, his voice getting caught in his throat. “Jungkook-ah, sit down.” Namjoon finally spoke up. “We can text or call her but you’re not allowed to leave the apartment without supervision so calm down.” The youngest caved in under the stern look on their leader’s face and slumped down on the couch, burying his face in his hands. “They say, she ruined my career but do they not know how much it would hurt me when they hurt her?” The eldest gently wrapped his arm around his shoulder. “I don’t think they were thinking that far ahead, they wanted to protect you-” Jungkook scoffed. “Protect me? From what exactly? From the girl I love?” “Or protect your career? You worked so hard and they didn’t want it to be in vain?” “But that doesn’t justify their actions, they could’ve seriously hurt her.” Yoongi murmured while nibbling on his thumb. “They covered their faces like cowards.” Jungkook’s brows furrowed as Taehyung’s voice came from the bathroom. “We have to tell someone who can do something.”

“Already sent the link to the managers.” Namjoon reassured the youngest members. “And I texted her, she says she’s okay and at home and doesn’t want you to worry, Kook.” Ha-na tried to cheer him up with a weak smile but he didn’t reciprocate it, he just gently pressed the white gold bangle to his lips. “She’s lying so I don’t worry about her…” With a drawn-out sigh, he let his head fall back; the pressure in his chest was almost too much for him to bear. He wanted to do something, he wanted all of this to stop so they could go back to being together. There had to be a way and he was determined to find it. * “I’m very sorry, I won’t disappoint you again.” Jungkook finished, looking up at Jimin in the mirror. “How was that?” “It was good. You’ll do just fine.” A forced smile spread on his face, trying to encourage the youngest while he was practicing his apology that was scheduled for this afternoon. “You think? I mean, management approved it but does it sound… sincere? I don’t want to sound like I rehearsed it.” The older boy nodded. “Jungkookie, don’t worry so much! It will be okay.” “Okay, I trust you. You’re right! I can do this.” He looked down on his script. Jimin carefully eyed him, he still looked miserable but maybe this would encourage people to finally back off and drop the story. Taking a deep breath, he plugged the power cord into the wall socket next to the table. “Are you sure, you still want me to do this? You know, you really don’t have to!” “Yes, just do it. Get it over with.”

With shaking hands Jimin picked up the small black machine, turning it on with his thumb. “Where do you want me to start? On the side, so you can hide it in case you change your mind?” “Do whatever you want, I’m not going to look until you’re done.” Jungkook closed his eyes, silently mouthing the words of the script that was resting on his knees. The buzzing noise seemed to amplify in Jimin’s ears; he had promised to support Jungkook and to help him but now that he was actually going through with it, his mind fogged up with doubts. This was a stupid idea, nobody had asked for this gesture from him but he wanted to do it anyway - he wanted the fans to know that he was sorry for his actions. So now they were hiding in the youngest bedroom, just two hours before he was supposed to stand outside the company building and deliver a heartfelt apology to the public. An apology that Jimin thought was uncalled for; neither Jungkook nor y/n had leaked those videos on purpose, they weren’t to blame but the public’s opinion was different - they demanded a statement, an apology for causing such an uproar and breaking people’s trust. But as much as he hated how everything went down, Jimin still wanted his baby brother to be happy; he deserved to be happy and perhaps this was this only way of getting a tiny piece of happiness back. His eyes looked so - lifeless, that he almost couldn’t bear to see Jungkook like this any longer. His eyes scanned the blades moving at a rapid pace when he slowly raised his arm and held it to Jungkook’s hairline. “Are you still sure you want me to do this?” He asked again, making sure Jungkook really wanted this. “Hyung, yes!” He said firmly, as Jimin carefully cut off the first lock of raven hair, watching as it fell to the floor, followed by many more. It pained him to cut Jungkook’s hair short, only a few millimeters of it still covering his scalp. “I’m all done.” He announced, turning off the razor and putting it back down. “You can look now.” Nervously, he watched Jungkook’s eyes flutter open, fixating on his reflection in the mirror. His expression was blank as he ran his hand through what was left of his hair. Jimin wasn’t sure but he could’ve sworn for a millisecond he saw tears glistening in his eyes. “It’s not too bad, right?” “Yeah, it really brings out your eyes and it will grow back in no time, you’ll see.” He patted Jungkook’s shoulders, letting his fingers dig into his shirt for a brief moment. “And there’s always wigs or hats if you hate it later.” The younger boy chuckled. “I should get cleaned up.” “I’ll help you pick out an outfit if you want.” Jimin offered as Jungkook headed for the bathroom. “Thank you.” Jimin sat on the edge of the bed, letting his eyes wander around the room - not much had changed, apart from the box by the closet door that had y/n’s things in them that Jungkook couldn’t get rid off; a few clothes, a bottle of perfume and a few letters tied together with a ribbon. Only now he had noticed that over the past months, he had not really been in here spending time with his little brother like they used to, playing video games or watching movies on his projector but knowing what had happened in here - it left a feeling of uncertainty floating in his stomach. Of course, he knew now that Jungkook had been hiding y/n in here a lot, trying to keep the secret well hidden from the other members. But Jimin couldn’t help but think that he had started to slip through their fingers a long time ago. Back in the day, they would’ve known immediately if something was wrong but ever since Jungkook had gotten older, he had developed a tendency to lock himself in his room whenever he could and if there was no schedule then he wouldn’t leave it for days. Jimin made a pact with himself - when all of this was over, he was going to make sure Jungkook was okay, that he would force him to come out of his room and go outside with him; it just didn’t feel right to leave him be, he needed to know that they all still wanted to spend time with him and that they would always be by his side, no matter what. * Jungkook was nervously hopping from one foot to the other as he was standing behind a screen waiting his turn while someone from the PR team was outside the company building, dealing with the press. He was used to all the flashing lights of the cameras and microphones being shoved in his face but this felt different - he was alone, his brothers weren’t by his side for moral support. His fingers wrapped around the bangle in the pocket of his blazer; for some reason, it comforted him. Although she had given it back to him, it was the only thing that kept the tiny spark of hope ignited in his chest. “We have found out that our artist’s private account was hacked by a third party, we are taking legal action against the hacker who invaded his privacy and we ask you to respect everybody’s privacy regarding the issue.” Jungkook’s ears picked up a few things here and there but his mind was preoccupied with the task at hand as his stomach churned. He wanted to throw up and run away; far, far away from all the people eagerly awaiting his apology but his legs felt like jello. [Jimin - 1:42pm] You’ll be okay! Just take deep breaths, it will be over before you know it! A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth when he read his brother’s message. Sometimes he really needed the encouragement from them; without them, he was lost. Sejin stuffed his own phone back into his pocket and nodded his head. “Are you ready?” “As ready as I’ll ever be…” He mumbled, as two of the other managers and a few security guards surrounded him. “Just stick to the script and you’ll do just fine. You don’t have to answer any questions. Just apologize and we’ll head back home right after.” Sejin gently rested his hand on Jungkook’s back. “I’ll be by your side the whole time.” Jungkook sunk his teeth into his lip balm coated bottom lip, as his legs involuntarily started moving with people around him. The glass door opened and the sea of flashes drowned out the sheer amount of people in the street. His heart was pounding against his ribs, as he walked up to the microphone stand. As the whispers died down, he could feel his throat closing up and his mouth felt as dry as the Sahara Desert. Eyes wandering over the blurry faces, his breathing became labored. He couldn’t do it, he just couldn’t get a word out. Maybe he should have had a sip of alcohol to calm his nerves but it was too late. In a knee-jerk reaction to buy more time, he pulled his cap off, revealing his buzzed off hair and bowing down as deep as he could as gasps echoed in his ears, mixed with girls calling his name. “Jungkook..” His manager’s voice was very close to him. “Say something…” In slow-motion he lifted his upper body, carefully scanning the crowd when his eyes found her face - he knew she wasn’t there and that his mind was playing tricks on him but it was the small push he needed to find his voice. He was doing this for her, he wanted people to just leave her alone. She didn’t deserve any of this, she didn’t deserve to be attacked online and especially not getting beat up by fans in an alley at night. The stinging pain in his chest subsided when he finally cleared his throat and found his voice again. “Thank you for taking the time out of your day to be here.” He paused, bowing his head again, trying to remember his lines but the memory of them got blurry, they were escaping him too quickly as he tried to hold onto them. “I-I just want to say, I’m very sorry for my actions. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I let down so many people with my reckless and shameful behavior.” His shaking fingers gripped on to the wooden stand of the mic for some support; Sejin’s hand calmly rested on his shoulder while the pressure it was executing felt like a ton of bricks was coming down on him as if Jungkook was about to run away and needed a reminder to stay still. “I’m so sorry to everyone and especially the fans who had to see me like this. I know, I broke your trust and disappointed all of you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me in the future and I promise to never let you down again. Army, you’re always on my mind and it really hurts me to have hurt so many of you with what I have done. Please forgive me.” After delivering his lines, he exhaled shakily; his face felt like it was on fire. “I won’t disappoint you again, I’m sorry.” The crowd was silently watching him, eagerly waiting for him to say something else as his mouth opened and closed without making a sound. “Let’s go, PR will do the rest.” His manager muttered, his hand scooting to Jungkook’s elbow to get him to turn around and go back inside. “One more thing…” Jungkook took a step forward again. “Please, leave her alone. We’re not seeing each other anymore. I-I… all I ask of you is to just leave her alone, please. She’s not in my life anymore…” He trailed off, his lips felt tense as he tried to hold it together. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled more to himself, slowly sinking to his knees on the pavement to bow one last time. The clicking of the cameras was overwhelming his senses, it almost felt like he wasn’t really inside his body anymore when he felt hands holding onto his arms and pulling him to his feet. Not needing much force, he wrenched his right arm free, hiding his tear-stained face in the crook of his elbow. “Come on…” Sejin’s voice was close to his ear as he let him guide him back inside, unsure of whether he did good or not but as soon as doors closed, the babel of alarmed voiced told him that he had gone too far. “What were you thinking going off script? Do you know how bad this could’ve been! We told you to stick to the script. Oh god…” The head of the PR team gestured wildly in front of his face. “I don’t know if we can fix this…Jungkook why do you always have to cause so much trouble?” She puffed up her cheeks before letting out a disappointed grunt. “I’m sorry.” He fixated his eyes on the ground. “It’s just…some fans attacked y/n and I-I just wanted to protect her. I wanted the fans to leave her alone. They should take their anger out on me and not on her.” He felt the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes again, immediately trying to dry them with a tissue. “He didn’t say anything bad. He just asked them to leave her alone, it’s not a big deal.” Sejin interrupted before Hyejin could scold him some more. “I’ll take him home now.” Gently he nudged the raven-haired boy towards the elevator that would take them to the car. “Do you think I did the wrong thing?” Jungkook mumbled as he sunk deeper into the passenger seat, avoiding his manager’s gaze at all costs. “I mean it’s not ideal but it’s okay. I understand why you did it…” He trailed off, averting his attention to the road until they stopped at a red light. “I saw what they did to her, so I understand that you want to do something to protect her. If you want, I’ll request security for her until it all blows over.” Jungkook shook his head, still not used to not feeling his bangs brush against his forehead whenever he moved or touched his head. “I don’t think she would like that but I’ll have Ha-na ask her.” * Jungkook was sitting cross-legged on his bed, his back resting against the headboard, emptily staring at his laptop where he had put on a let’s play to keep his brain and body from going stir-crazy. “Jungkookie?” Hoseok opened the door, sticking his head inside his room. “I thought, maybe you wanted something to eat? You haven’t had anything all day.” The older one came in, closing the door behind him before proceeding to sit on the foot of the bed. Carefully he placed the plate on the mattress between them, pulling a can of coke from the pocket of his hoodie. “Did you make that?” Jungkook eyed the sandwich from all angles, lifting the plate up to eye level. “Jin hyung helped me, he said I was stacking the ingredients in the wrong order.” The older one rolled his eyes before a smile spread on his face. “But I think there’s no wrong order, it’ll taste the same no matter what.” He winked, opening the can, and placing it on the nightstand. Jungkook chuckled. “You’re right.” He wasn’t particularly hungry but since his brother had been so kind as to make him something to eat, he eagerly took a bite. “Delicious.” He pressed out while chewing the bread. “Good, I’m glad you like it.” Hoseok reached out to pat his head but Jungkook pulled away immediately - he felt self-conscious, even more so after getting scolded by his hyungs for cutting his hair short. Not wanting to admit that he had lost some of his confidence with each strand that had been cut off - but maybe that was what he deserved, after putting everyone around him through so much. For a while they just sat on his bed, Hoseok watching him devour the food and sipping on the sugary beverage - neither of them saying a word but the silence didn’t feel as uncomfortable as it did just days ago, at least to the older one it didn’t. “Jungkookie, listen…” With wide eyes, he stared at Hobi when he finally spoke. “I didn’t just come here to bring you food, I actually wanted to say something.” “Okay?” Anxiety was making his chest feel tight; instantly regretting eating the sandwich as he was about to throw it back up. He didn’t need to get scolded again, he didn’t want to hear yet again what a terrible person he was and that he couldn’t do anything right these days. “I just wanted to, you know, tell you that we’re okay.” Almost choking on his own saliva, Jungkook cleared his throat. “We’re okay?” He repeated dumbfounded. “Yes, we are. I know, I wasn’t really supportive and judgmental at first but I just didn’t know what to think or how to handle the situation. I hope you understand where I’m coming from… I had to sort through my thoughts and came to the conclusion that I was just worried about you and our career. You are like family to me, JK; I want what’s best for you and I know, you’re probably mad at me too but I’m here for you now.” “I was never mad at you.” He mumbled, averting his gaze to white bedding between them. “I know I disappointed all of you. I never wanted you to find out what I did, especially not like this.” “I know that but let’s just put in the past, okay?” Hoseok carefully placed his hand on Jungkook’s knee. “You’re going through so much right now and I just want to be here for you and help you. It really hurts to see you so sad all the time.” A weak smile tugged at his lips. “I’m going to be okay, you don’t have to worry.” “I worry about you all the time, we all do. So please, Jungkookie, if you need to talk to someone, we’re all here for you, you know that right?” “Hyung, I know that.”

* Jimin knocked on the door, a short knock followed by two quick ones - their not so secret sign that it was either one of them before he entered the youngest room, who was busy pulling out clothes from his closet and throwing them on the floor.

“Is that what you wanted help with? Sorting out your clothes?” Jimin mused, trying to find a free piece of flooring for him to step closer to Jungkook. “Hyung, no…I-” He gasped, practically ripping a hoodie from a hanger. “I have a plan, and I need your help.” “A plan? A plan that involves donating clothes to charity?” “No…” Jungkook held two identical-looking black hoodies up. “I’m going to see y/n.” “WHAT?” Jimin’s eyes grew wide, the sheer panic was straining his voice. “You’re not allowed to do that, you will get into trouble.” “I know but I don’t care. I just want to see her and I’m not going to wait any longer.” “And how do you plan on doing that, huh? We still have security around and last time I checked, the press is still waiting outside.” “That’s where you’ll come in…” There was a dangerous twinkle in Jungkook’s eyes that could only mean trouble but Jimin was more than intrigued and willing to help. “Do you want me to call you a taxi? Because I have my phone right here.” “No, you’ll help me sneak past security and the press, I’ll take care of the rest.” “I will need more details…” “Go get your black sweat pants and Vans, I’ll explain it to you when you get back here.” Jimin was confused, but he blindly followed the instructions as he quickly walked back to his room. For once happy that Hoseok was so adamant about his skincare routine that he had the room to himself for a bit. “What are you doing? I saw you sneaking into Jk’s room.” A deep voice made him spin around on his heels. Taehyung was walking towards him, his arms crossed in front of his chest. “I’m just helping him with something.” “With what?” “I can’t tell you.” Immediately he regretted saying those words to his best friend, who looked so hurt that his lips pursed trying to hide his dismay. “Okay, fine, I’ll tell you but you have to promise me that you won’t tell a soul what we’re doing.” “Promise.” He held up his pinky, so Jimin could wrap his own around it. “Stamp it.” They said in unison when they twisted their hands so the pads of their thumbs could meet. “We’re trying to sneak Jk out of here so he can go check on y/n.” “What?” Taehyung whisper yelled. “Yeah, please don’t tell anyone.” “I won’t.” Taehyung locked eyes with him. “I will help you.” “What?” Jimin was confused, Taehyung was still mad at them, why was he now offering to help Jungkook? “Yes, I want to know if she’s okay too…” He muttered, his cheeks turning pink. “Ever since I saw what happened to her, I’ve been worried sick. I know she loves Jungkook and she probably wants to see him too…so I’m going to help him.” An overwhelming feeling spread in Jimin’s chest, although Taehyung was so deeply hurt by what they had done, he still loved them; putting aside his own hurt to help his friends. Jimin felt his eyes tearing up, quickly wiping them with his sleeve. “I’m sure, Jungkookie will appreciate your help, Taetae.” He ruffled the younger one's hair. “You’ll need black sweats and a matching hoodie, so go grab them.” Tae nodded, hurrying back to his room to grab his clothes. A small part of Jimin was unsure whether Jungkook would approve of this but for the time being, he was just glad that Taehyung was coming around; it was the first step to mending the broken friendships. They stood in front of the mirror, the three of them wearing matching black outfits, a black mask to cover half their faces and the hoods pulled deep down their foreheads. “I think this will work, it’s dark outside if we move fast, they won’t notice a difference.” Taehyung muttered, adjusting his mask once again. “Jungkook-ah, don’t do anything stupid. If it’s too risky, we will find another way, okay?” “Sure, yeah.” He lied, not an ounce of his body was going to give up on seeing her tonight. Every nerve inside of him was missing her, he couldn’t wait - each minute that passed felt like torture. He was losing her, she was getting further and further away from him and there was nothing he could do - it was like he was trying to catch smoke with his bare hands. “Then let’s go.” Jimin clapped his hands together and they quietly walked out into the hallway, trying not to make a sound. Jimin knew that this idea was stupid beyond belief and he didn’t quite understand why he was participating in it but helping Jungkook was more important, they could deal with the repercussions later, together. “Where do you think you’re going?” Jin’s voice made the three boys flinch when he turned on the light. “Why are you dressed like that?” “We…uhm…” Jimin tried to come up with a white lie but his brain was slowing down. “I’m going to see y/n!” Jungkook said bluntly. “And they’re helping me.”

Jimin quickly rammed his elbow into the youngest ribs to shut him up but it was too late. They would now have to go back to their rooms without even the slightest chance of leaving the building. “I’m appalled.” The eldest clicked his tongue. “There’s no way for you to get past security, especially for you Jungkook.” “We’ll find a way. We have to.” He stuttered, not having an idea of how to even leave the apartment without having to face the guard outside. “You should’ve just come to me earlier.” “What?” “I’ll help you. Wait by the door, you’ll know when the time is right.” Jin winked at them, before grabbing his car keys from the sideboard and leaving the apartment. Taehyung quickly grabbed the door-handle, making sure it didn’t close and they could listen to what was going on. “I just need to grab something from my car, I’ll be right back.” “Alright, sir.” The stern security guard said, not moving an inch from his chair. “How is that supposed to help us get out?” Jungkook rolled his eyes, he was getting antsy waiting for something to happen. The others shrugged, pressing their ears to the door, focusing on any sign from the oldest member. Only a few minutes later, Jin’s panicked voice suddenly echoed through the hallway. “You need to go down to the parking garage. I saw some people down there sneaking around.” “What?” “Yes, I think they’re trying to get access to the building.” A lot of rustling was making it difficult for them to understand what was going on but soon Jin pulled the door open. “Go.” He whispered. “They should be distracted for a while.” “Thank you.” Jungkook mouthed, as he hurried towards the stairs, following the older boys as they sprinted down to the exit. For once, luck was on their side and they soon stood underneath the trees, hiding in complete darkness. “How are we going to do this now?” Taehyung was trying to catch his breath, his hand pressing into his side where he felt a sting. His heart was racing and his breathing was labored, the adrenaline rush was making him feel lightheaded. Jungkook exhaled. “You go out first, make sure they see you. You’ll have to move quickly and then Jimin will do the same and if the timing’s right, I’ll go.” “Do you think that will work?” Jimin questioned, still not convinced that the plan was well thought out. “I don’t know, we will see, I guess.” They quickly moved to the exit, where the press was still gathered at this hour. Quietly they hid behind a wall, giving them the perfect view of their playing field. Jungkook watched how Taehyung pulled the hood deep down his face, speed walking on the right side to sneak away behind the spectators but they easily spotted him, almost attacking him with microphones and cameras. “Jimin-ah, go.” He nodded, making sure the mask was covering his mouth before he ran out on the left side, making the paparazzi almost break their necks. “That’s him! That’s him!” A woman screeched and they collectively hurried after Jimin, who was running like the devil himself was chasing him down the street. Taehyung was leaning against the wall, waving his hand by his side of his body and that was all Jungkook needed to sprint past him as fast as he could. There was no time to thank his brothers, he would do that later, now he had to focus on running and getting enough distance between him and all those people. He didn’t care that the cold air was making his eyes water, he didn’t care that his legs were starting to feel weak; he had to keep going; repeating her name over and over in his head. A loud banging on the door made her sit up straight in her bed, her body involuntarily started shaking right away. Did they find out where she lived? Did they follow her home? She wasn’t quite sure if she really heard someone calling her name, or if she was imagining it as she slowly got up and quietly walked towards the door. “Y/n open the door, please.” She recognized his voice instantly, her fingers wrapping tightly around the handle before pressing it down; she had no strength left in her to fight the need to see his face. “Kookie, what are you…” Without a word, he stepped inside closing the door with his foot before wrapping his arms around her to hide his face in the crook of her neck. Hesitantly her nails dug into his hoodie, bunching up the fabric in her fists. He didn’t say anything, she just felt his tears on her skin burning like acid rain. When her grip loosened, he pulled away from her but keeping his gaze low. “We should go to my room.” “Okay.” He followed her with his heart hammering in his chest; he had noticed her hesitation and it made it harder for him to breathe. What if coming here was not a good idea? Reluctantly they stood facing each other but her brows furrowed and her hand went up to his head, pulling the hood down - eyes widening when she saw it. Jungkook felt queasy, he didn’t want her to see his hair this short. “I-I…noona…” “I like it, you look manlier.” Biting down on her bottom lip, she forced her lips into a smile to suppress the tears that were about to spill from her eyes. Gently, she ran her hand over his head, making him lean into her touch. “I really do like it, you look handsome.” Jungkook let out a staggered breath; what she thought mattered most to him and if she liked it then he would be able to like it too, eventually, maybe. Only now he noticed the bruises on her cheeks, the little cuts on her forehead. “I’m sorry they did that to you.” He swallowed an invisible lump, his fingers gently reaching out to touch her cheek but she moved her head away from him. “It’s okay, I’m fine.” “Are you really?” She nodded but it wasn’t convincing enough, he pulled her in close, ever so lightly he cupped her face to press the lightest of kisses to her cheeks and forehead. Eyes swimming in tears, she looked up at him. “You still love me…?” Jungkook felt tears running down his cheeks. “Yes, I still love you.” He didn’t know why but he leaned in for a kiss - he just wanted to be with her and not think of anything that happened over the past couple of days. The moment their lips touched he felt a hiccup in his heartbeat like when he missed a step. Everything just felt for so right again like they belonged together and he was sure she must have been sensing it too. Deepening the kiss, his tongue was practically begging for access when out of the blue she pushed him away. “What’s wrong?” He asked, not able to wrap his head around what just happened. “Go! You need to leave. This isn’t good, okay?” “Wait! Why? I don’t want to leave, I want to be with you!” “Jungkook you have to go!” He didn’t understand; mere seconds ago she was kissing him back and now she was telling him to leave, but he didn’t want to, not yet at least. His eyes were focusing in on the bracelet that she was still wearing, and so did he. She never took it off, not even after she broke up with him, just like he promised her on that day at the beach… To Jungkook’s own surprise, lies were rolling off his tongue so easily these days - without batting an eye, he had told his hyungs that he was taking Yina out for the day. When in reality, it was y/n’s day off and he wanted to spend it with her, far away from people they knew to lower the risk of getting caught. In the early hours of the morning, he had picked her up to take her to Naksan beach which was four hours away from Seoul, on the opposite coastline. Contrary to road trips with Yina, who enjoyed just watching the scenery, the drive with y/n was different - they would sing together, she’d feed him snacks she packed and when they got quiet, she played with his hair while watching the sunrise. In Jungkook’s opinion, the drive itself was perfect - even if they would never arrive at their destination, he was truly happy that day. After exploring Yangyang and eating a ridiculously big lunch, they finally went to the beach, walking along the pier to the little red lighthouse to take some pictures. He recalled being here for a photo shoot not too long ago but back then they didn’t have time to wander around and enjoy the beautiful view of the ocean. The weather was dreary, clouds in all shades of gray forming a big cluster on the sky, making them the only two people who dared to visit the beach that day. “Can you put him in your pocket?” She held out the little plush bunny in swimming shorts that he had bought for her at a small souvenir shop in town. “I don’t want to get him wet.” “Of course.” He neatly tucked the bunny in the pocket of his jacket, making sure the button was secured, not wanting to risk losing it. She smiled up at him while rolling up her jeans and stuffing her socks into her sneakers before she ran towards the shoreline to dip her feet into crystal clear water. “It’s so cold.” She squealed, jumping from one foot to the other. “Come on, hurry up!” “I’m coming.” He called, slowly slipping off his own shoes but watching her run away from the waves that crashed on the sand was a lot more fun than doing it himself. The sand felt soft underneath his feet when he made his way over, making sure his eyes never left her. It dawned on him that he had never noticed, until now, how cute she actually was. Of course, he knew how beautiful she was but her little squeals whenever a wave caught up to her made his heart melt - he really was the luckiest guy on earth to have found his soulmate without even having to look for her. It was almost like he had never properly understood what real love felt like until he looked in her eyes; the thought often crossed his mind but a part of him thought it was ridiculous to even think that way. His heart, on the other hand, was sure that she was the girl he’d be spending the rest of his life with. “What are you doing?” Her voice caught him off guard, he hadn’t noticed that he was standing still, just looking at her. “I-I was just thinking…” He trailed off, ears turning a deep shade of pink underneath his cap while she was walking towards him, her hand stretched out for him to hold. “Kookie, don’t think about what happens when we get back to Seoul, please. I want to have a nice day, okay?” He nodded, lacing their fingers together - if only she knew what had been on his mind. She lifted their hands up to press a chaste kiss on the back of his hand before she started running, pulling him along with her. The water was cold but it felt unbelievably good, he couldn’t remember the last time he went to a beach just to have some fun and not for something work-related. For a while, they played catch with the waves and splashed each other with water until he felt exhaustion spreading to his limbs. He sat down in the sand; just far enough so the water couldn’t reach him. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply, letting the fresh salty air fill his lungs and the gusts of wind caressed his skin and at that moment he felt complete, the missing puzzle pieces were all in place like nothing could go wrong. He felt her presence, his eyes fluttering open as she was about to sit down next to him but he quickly pulled her in between his legs so she could lean against his chest. Tightly he wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on top of her head. Neither of them said a word, just watching a few stray clouds letting hints of the hidden blue sky peek through the cracks; the calming sound of the waves crashing on the shore seemed to drown out the whole world around them. Her fingers gently played with his as she shifted a little to rest her head against his shoulder. “I wish every day could be like this.” She mumbled softly, making his heart ache. He wanted to give her everything she wanted, he really did and he would go to the end of the world for her if that meant she was happy. Jungkook leaned down, gingerly pressing his lips on top of her head. “Then I’ll take you to the beach every day and every day can be like this.” And although they both knew that it was just a fantasy and would never be possible, he heard the smile in her voice when she whispered “Okay.” Suddenly she untangled his arms from around her torso and kneeled down in front of him, still between his legs. “I wanted to give you something…” Her hand slid into the pocket of her jacket. “Close your eyes.” He did as he was told, her shaking fingers wrapped around his wrist. “Hold still.” He could hear she was concentrating when something cold touched his skin and he fought the urge to flinch. “Okay, you can open your eyes.” Looking down on his wrist, there was a black leather bracelet with a silver plate. “I- y/n, you didn’t have to..” “Yes I had to, you did all this for today.” She paused, pulling up her sleeve to reveal the same bracelet on her wrist but the delicate metal plate was rose-gold. “Thank you for making our 100th day anniversary so special.” She leaned in, her lips brushing against his and his heart stopped. He didn’t know, he had absolutely no idea it was their anniversary. Maybe because they were keeping their relationship a secret and they never had a real official first date, or maybe it was because she had mentioned that those things didn’t really matter to her anyway that he had paid no attention as to how many days they had been together. He felt like a jerk but he knew that if he told her the truth it would break her heart and that was the last thing he wanted. “I’m never taking it off, thank you.” He pulled her in closer, crashing his lips on hers; hoping that she could feel how much he loved her. “Can you at least look me in the eyes and tell me you want me to leave?” His voice was fragile; he was scared that she would do it and he could already feel the cracks in his heart getting bigger with every breath he took without her giving him an answer. “If you can’t say it when looking at me…” “Then what? You’re not going to leave?” He shook his head, ready to stand his ground; he wasn’t going to leave now, not after what he had been through to get here. “No, I won’t because I don’t really think you want me to…” Throwing her hands up in frustration, she let out a sigh. “What part of us being together is bad, don’t you understand?” “I don’t understand because you and I is the only good thing that has come from all of this.” “But there is no you and me anymore! I ruined everything.” “What do you mean you ruined everything?” “I ruined your friendships, as well as my own and your career. I shouldn’t be around you and that’s why there is no you and me anymore. Got it?” His mouth opened and closed without making a sound; did she really think she was the only one responsible for what happened - that she was the only one hurting all the time? “So can you please just leave?” She mumbled, looking down at her feet but he couldn’t get his own to move. “No, noona... I don’t want you to think that you ruined everything. You didn’t, you made everything better for me.” Carefully he moved in a little bit closer, wanting to wrap his arms around her and just hold her until she understood that he was all in and wouldn’t go anywhere, even if she didn’t want him to stay. She let out a sigh. “You say that now because you don’t want to see that I fucked everything up.” Slowly she sat down on her bed, fiddling with the hem of her pajama top to keep her busy from doing something she’d regret. “You really didn’t, I promise.” Sitting down next to her, he got a good look at the bruises on her legs; he wasn’t the only one who had been through hell and back these past days. He was desperately looking for something he could say - something that would make her change her mind and just take him back. It didn’t matter that to him that he would’ve lied to everyone again, he needed to be with her and if that meant the end of his career then so be it; he was willing to give up his dreams for her but he knew that if he voiced his thoughts, she would never let that happen. After a while, he cleared his throat that was threatening to close up. “So…do you really want me to leave?” His tongue had trouble forming the words; he had imagined that him showing up at her place would go differently. He had been sure that she would’ve been happy to finally see him again but he had never been so wrong in his life. She adjusted her position to face him; Jungkook was preparing himself to go home and hide in bed when her arms wrapped around his neck and her lips hungrily pressed on his. He was in shock; he didn’t see it coming so all he could do for a moment was stare at her face before his eyes fluttered shut and kissed her back. Licking into his mouth, her hands started pulling at his hoodie, wanting to remove the unwanted item of clothing. Firmly his hands wrapped around her wrists as he broke away from her. “Noona, what does this-“

Her index finger pressed to his open mouth while she placed soft kisses to his jawline. “Ssshhh just be with me now…” Jungkook nodded, despite being confused. His mind was racing but he still couldn’t bring himself to say no to her, although he had so many questions that were still unanswered. Deliberately she pulled the hoodie over his head before reconnecting their lips in a somewhat innocent kiss. Almost immediately he felt her fumbling with the drawstrings of his sweat pants, rushing to get rid of everything that separated them. “Noona…” He attempted to mumble into the kiss, this time she pulled away. “Kookie, please.” Her whiny voice was the last push he needed to gently push her down into the pillows on the bed. Kissing her again, his trembling fingers started unbuttoning her top; his nerves were getting the upper hand like they did the first time they slept together. Their tongues were shyly playing a game of catch as her nails gently scratched over his bare shoulders; he could still taste the all too familiar traces of her vanilla lip balm, maybe not everything had changed. Blindly his hand cupped her breast, rolling the bud between his index finger and thumb, instantly evoking a soft whimper from her as her hips bucked up, colliding with his. Leaving a trail of butterfly kisses down her neck to the rosy mounds of flesh, sucking the hardening bud into his mouth. Jungkook groaned when a delicious moan reached his ears, making his member twitch excitedly in its soft fabric prison. Gingerly he let his hand followed the curve of her body when he licked his way back up to her mouth. “Please touch me…” A whisper that held so much power over him. Her skin was covered in goosebumps as he reached the waistband of her panties, letting his fingertips slip inside. “You’re so wet already, baby.” Jungkook mumbled against her neck as she held on tightly to his shoulder while his middle finger ventured down her core; gasping when it dipped inside just a bit to gather some of her juices. Lips glued to her neck, he let his fingertips trace her lips, wanting to remember how every inch of her body felt - he needed to engrave it into his memory just in case this was the last time he would get to touch her. “Baby…” She whined when he finally circled in around her clit, avoiding the spot that would soon make her squirm. Peppering soft kisses up to her ear, where he gently nibbled on her lobe. “I missed you so much, you don’t even know…” Jungkook’s voice was low and raspy when he spoke, eliciting a small cry from her when his fingers applied more pressure around the sensitive nub. “I missed kissing you…” Her nails dug deeper into his skin as she tried to keep quiet, only betrayed by her own hips who tried so desperately to get more friction than Jungkook was supplying. He exhaled, stopping the motion of his fingers, nervous anticipation filling the gap between them. “I missed touching you…” Arching her back off the mattress when he finally grazed the spot he’d been avoiding deliberately, her legs squirming against his at the newfound waves of pleasure coming down on her. “Stay still, baby.” He softly chuckled, managing to trap at least one of her legs underneath his right. Fondly he smiled down on her as he watched her blossom under his ministrations, pressing her arm to her mouth to muffle the repeated moans of his name. Until now Jungkook had never realized how amazing it was to watch her fall apart; he did enjoy using his tongue but being able to see how her face flushed and her lashes fluttered from the little circles his fingers were drawing was out of this world - making him fall in love with her all over again.

“P-please stop.” She tried to wiggle away from him a little; normally he would keep going, knowing that she was getting close but he paused, giving her enough time to slip her hand down his sweats and wrap it around his length. “Noona…ahh.” His voice hitched and his head fell back when she slowly started rubbing her thumb over the tip, coating it with the beads of precum that just kept spilling. Her touch was very light but he was so desperate to feel her that his body reacted erratically, bucking his hips into her hand; never wanting her to stop. Trailing sweet kisses up his neck until she reached his lips, she delicately sucked on his bottom lip, making it throb in her mouth; her hand moving up and down his dick painfully slow, feeling him getting harder by the second. Jungkook whimpered, almost melting in his briefs. He was getting ready to distract himself from his own pleasure by touching her again when she broke the kiss. “Kookie…” There was no moaning, no outcry to get him to touch her and his heart sank for a second, fearing that they had gone too far. “Love me…” She whispered softly, looking up at him, her other hand cupping his cheek. He closed his eyes, leaning into her touch, relishing the warm feeling spreading in his chest before shifting his body weight to his knees, he placed a kiss to her lips, fully prepared to show her how much he loved her. Kneeling down between her legs, he gently lifted them to roll her panties up to discard them on the floor next to the bed, before spreading them again. “I’m so lucky, you’re so handsome.” She smiled lovingly, wanting to reach up to touch his face but he wouldn’t let her, making her pout in return. A little too eagerly, Jungkook pushed down his sweats and briefs - his heart hiccuping in anticipation of being one with her again. Holding and kissing her was amazing but sleeping with her always felt different to him; it was some form of a deeper connection he couldn’t even begin to explain. Lying down on top of her, supporting most of his weight on his arms next to her shoulders, he started peppering small kisses all over her cheeks to her lips, letting his tongue disappear in her mouth to taste her again. Slowly grinding against her core, just to make sure she was still wet enough for him when she whimpered into the kiss; the engorged tip of his member applying enough pressure to her clit to send her flying again. Shoving his one hand between their bodies to line himself up, before he pushed the tip inside, the feeling of bliss washing over him as he felt the velveteen walls hugging his dick. “Is that okay?” He asked, brushing her hair from her face. “More than okay.” She smiled, puckering up her lips for yet another kiss. Jungkook was moving slowly, taking his sweet time, enjoying every little noise he was eliciting from her with each stroke. Her nails were digging into his shoulder blades, clinging onto him for dear life, as if it was just a dream and he would disappear the moment she woke up. Their lips were glued together, only ever breaking apart to up their oxygen intake before diving back in for more. He adjusted his position, pushing her legs up to his sides so she could rest her calves on his lower back - his body was ready to chase his down his high but he had to shift his focus on hers first. When he bottomed out after a hard thrust, she pulled away, letting her head fall back. “Oh god, right there.” A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth; he loved that she always let him know when he was hitting the right spot. “’s that good, baby?” He asked, hips slamming into her much harder than before but she couldn’t answer him, too busy trying to muffle her moans against his skin. He wanted her to let herself fall and just bathe in the waves of pleasure washing over her body but he could tell she was holding back a little. Jungkook sucked on his fingers, letting his hand venture down to the swollen bundle of nerves to rub it again. Gasping for air, she locked eyes with him as she let out whiny moans of his name. “Jungkook-ah…” “It’s okay baby, you can cum. Don’t wait for me.” He encouraged her, sucking a small bruise on the column of her throat. Bottoming out with every thrust, he knew that she needed him to go faster to reach her high. Alternating between little figure-eights and flicking her clit, he knew she would soon reach the point of no return. Her moans were fogging up his brain - each one higher in pitch than the last, making it difficult for him to keep a steady pace. The knot in his stomach that was pulling itself tighter and tighter was about to snap but he had to keep going, they were both so unbelievably close that he wasn’t sure how much longer he could last, her hips now meeting his halfway. “You feel so good.” Jungkook panted, her convulsing walls trying to milk him dry; his scrotum contracting dangerously. “Baby!” She whined a heads up, her left hand fisting the sheets while the other tightly squeezed his biceps, the stinging feeling of his skin completely subdued by the rush of her high. He was in a daze, watching her come undone, her loud moans ringing in his ears as his member suddenly erupted when he bottomed out, hot white streams of cum painting her walls as white as snow. Letting his body sink onto hers, he buried his face in the crook of her neck as his own orgasm washed over him. “I love you, baby…I love you so much…I love you” He let out a slurry of moans against her sweat glistening skin, thrusting sloppily to get every last drop as deep inside of her as he could, never wanting to come down from this high. Breathing heavily but staying still, he softly pressed little pecks to her shoulder when a sob shook him to his core. He lifted his head up to look at her but hers was turned the other way. “Noona, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” “No, I’m fine…j-just ignore me.” She blubbered, trying to wipe the tears away without him noticing. He pulled out to lie down beside her, wrapping his arms around her trembling body. “Tell me what’s wrong…let me fix it.” He whispered; the dopamine from his orgasm that had rushed through his veins, vanishing instantly. “No, no it’s okay…just give me a minute.” But he couldn’t, the world no longer made sense to him; he just couldn’t come up with a reason why she suddenly broke down in tears after he had just told her how much he loved her when she had wanted him to make love to her. “Noona, it’s not okay. You wouldn’t be crying if it was.” She turned around in his arms, burying her face against his chest, her tears feeling like a thousand needles poking and prodding at his skin. “I-I…” A choked sob riddled her body, his embrace tightening around her. He felt so lost, not knowing what to do or how to comfort her. Was he supposed to just hold her and let her cry? But that was easier said than done when he felt tears pricking at his own eyes. “I love you so much, Kookie and it just sucks that we can’t…be together anymore.” “Yes, we can be together, don’t say that.” Desperation was flaring up in his chest as the tears finally escaped their prison. “No, we can’t and you know it.” The sniffles were muffled against his quickly rising chest. “But why? I’m here now. I will always be here.” “Because I’m holding you back and…” He wanted to go deaf so that he wouldn’t have to hear her say any of that nonsense. “- and I’m just standing in your way and ruining your career and I don’t want that. I want you to be happy even if it’s without me.” “But how am I supposed to be happy without you?” His heart was slowly crumbling to pieces, not able to grasp the concept that he could ever be okay without her in his life. “I don’t know but eventually you’ll move on with someone else…” Untangling his arms from her, he sat up, forcing her to do the same. She didn’t know one bit, how much he had suffered from being separated from her, his heart felt like it was incomplete, missing its other half. “I won’t! After everything, we went through…I don’t want anyone else. I want you, don’t you get it?” Averting her eyes to the pillows, she tried to avoid looking at him - tears rapidly flowing down his cheeks. “I want you too but you know, sometimes things just don’t work out, no matter how badly you want them to.” “Bullshit! You just let those stupid comments get to you and now you’re pushing me away because those people made you believe you’re not good for me.” “But they are right…” She weakly protested. “If you truly believed that, you would’ve taken your bracelet off but you’re still wearing it…do not lie to me like that.” He inhaled shakily, feeling like someone was standing on his chest, infringing on his ability to breathe properly. As if she was reminiscing, her fingertips traced the metal plate on the bracelet. “I just want what’s best for you…and it’s not me.” “Y/n, you know that we are meant to be together. You have said it yourself that we are soulmates, how can you even say that we’re not supposed to be together?” “You have to grow up and learn that you can’t always get what you want. This isn’t a candy store…” “Are you even listening to yourself? You’re trying so hard to keep us apart with those stupid reasons…” He got up, pulling his pants up and reaching for his hoodie on the floor. He could tell that she wanted to say something but she kept quiet, fresh tears dripping down her cheeks and onto her bare chest. “I’m not going to give up so easily…you will see that we are meant to be together and I don’t care what anyone says and you shouldn’t either…maybe you can grow up and learn that we are a thing that’s worth fighting for.” His hand slid into the pocket of his hoodie, holding tightly onto the white gold Love bracelet, before placing it on her nightstand. “This is yours because I’m yours.”

“Where is he?” Namjoon was pacing up and down the living room, checking his watch for the hundredth time in the past 20 minutes, after they had noticed that Jungkook wasn’t home or nowhere to be found anywhere in the apartment complex, or around on the premisses to clear his head. “I’d like to know that too…” Yoongi was unusually worried, eyeing the other members who were quietly sitting on the sofa, pretending they couldn’t hear a word they were saying. “You guys know something...” Hoseok contemplated, tapping on his chin with his index finger. “I’m sure of it, you all look really suspicious…” “Exactly! Spill it!” Yoongi agreed while Namjoon tried calling the youngest yet again. “What? We don’t know anything.” Jin shrugged his shoulders. “I think, we should just calm down, he’ll be home soon. I’m sure, he just needed to blow off some steam. Did anyone check the gym?” “He’s not picking up.” The leader informed the group when the heavy front door opened and closed and Jungkook dragged his feet into the living room. “Where have you been? We were worried about you!” Yoongi, Hoseok, and Namjoon scolded him in unison. “Out.” He mumbled, his eyes were puffy from crying and he wanted nothing more than to hide in his bedroom and don’t see or talk to anyone. “Out?” Namjoon repeated. “You do know that you are not allowed to go out without supervision? We were worried that something happened to you and all you say is ‘out’?” “But it didn’t. I’m fine, nobody saw me.” “Jungkook-ah…” Jimin said softly, he could tell by the look on his face that something wasn’t right. “What did she say?” “Who?” Hobi interrupted but Jimin indicated with his hand for him to stay quiet. “We’re not getting back together…” “You went to see y/n?” Usually, Namjoon always stayed calm but the tension on his face told everyone that he was getting upset at the youngest for breaking the rules when they all needed to be extra careful. “I’m sorry, Jk.” Jin smiled sadly. “It’s okay…if you don’t mind, I wanna be alone for a bit.” “Sure thing.” Jimin reached out and gave his hand a light squeeze. “If you want some company, we’re here for you, okay?” The youngest nodded and disappeared down the hallway to seek comfort in his bedroom. Namjoon scoffed. “I can’t believe, he actually did that…he’s trying really, really hard to get into trouble these days.” “Lay off him! He’s having a hard time right now!” Jin furrowed his eyebrows, letting out an elongated sigh. “Are you serious? He’s doing one reckless thing after the other.” “Maybe it was bound to happen that he acted out…” Yoongi pondered. “I mean, he always had to behave and stay in line…” “He’s not acting out, he just wanted to see her after what happened to her. It’s normal, he’s in love with her.” Jimin defended Jungkook, who wasn’t present to fight for himself. “We should be supportive now. You guys heard that they’re not getting back together. I think he needs us.” “You’re right…” Namjoon gave in, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “He really does need us right now.” While the others were discussing how they could cheer their little brother up, Taehyung slipped out into the hallway unnoticed; quietly he walked towards Jungkook’s room. Stopping a few times, wanting to turn around but he couldn’t. A part of him was still hurt, his heart aching every time he thought about either one of them but the anger he felt had subsided slowly, at times he felt an overwhelming amount of disappointment flooding his mind but he kept telling himself that it was natural to feel that way after being lied to by two of your best friends. It struck him as odd to feel pity for Jungkook when he had caused all of this trouble in the first place, but he did - seeing his little brother heartbroken wasn’t something he could ignore and he knew that y/n was feeling the same, the urge to comfort her as well rearing its head in the pit of his stomach. Taehyung inhaled, as if to gather up all the courage he could muster and knocked on the door, faintly he heard the youngest mumble a ‘yes’ and he quickly opened and closed the door behind him. Jungkook was lying on his bed, trying to hide the tissue he had used to soak up the tears under his pillow, while Taehyung sat down next to him. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay..” “Oh yeah, I am…” Jungkook didn’t even have to fake a smile; he was genuinely happy that Tae was finally speaking to him again. “You didn’t have to check on me but thank you, hyung!” “I was worried about you…you said, she doesn’t want to get back together?” He shook his head, his eyes drooping in sadness. “She says, she loves me but we can’t be together.” “And why’s that?” Taehyung tilted his head, confused as to why his best friend didn’t want to be with his little brother anymore. “Stupid reasons like she’s holding me back and ruining my career. I think she let those people get into her head.” Jungkook’s eyes shot up when his older brother chuckled. “What’s so funny?” “Ah, Jungkookie…” Tae patted his head. “I don’t know if you know this yet but y/n can be very, very stubborn. She thinks she’s right about something but eventually, she will realize that she’s wrong and I’m pretty sure she will come around.” “How do you kn-?” “I’ve known her my whole life, remember? It’s her thing, always been like that.” Jungkook sighed, his lips jutting out into a pout. “I wish she would hurry up and realize how wrong she is…” “Don’t worry, it’ll happen sooner than you think.” They fell silent for a moment; it wasn’t uncomfortable this time around. It was like a weight was lifted off their shoulders and they both knew, that they would be able to overcome this hurdle in their friendship.

“Hyung…” The younger one muttered, piddling at his comforter. “I’m sorry, I lied to you. I should’ve been honest with you from the start. I really hope, you can fully forgive me one day.” “I’m not saying it doesn’t still hurt but I’m not mad anymore…and I’d like that.” Tae smiled shyly when Jimin barged into the room without knocking, stopping in his tracks when his eyes fell on both boys sitting across from each other on the bed. “What is going on?” “We were just talking.” Taehyung assured him. “What’s up?” As soon as he asked, the other members squeezed through the door, piling up in the small space between the door and the bed. “It’s only 10pm, let’s go out to eat and maybe karaoke after!” All the members were nodding enthusiastically behind Jimin. “Do you think that’s a good idea?” Jungkook questioned, not wanting to get into any more trouble. “Yes, we talked to the managers and they said it’s okay if it’s just us. They’re sending a car, so go get dressed.” Jungkook couldn’t help but smile, welcoming the distraction with open arms. “Jungkookie you think of a restaurant where you want to go.” Jin called as he was walking away to his room to get dressed as well. It was almost like nothing ever happened between them, they were cooped up in a small private room at Jungkook’s favorite restaurant, eating and drinking while talking about anything that popped into their heads. Jungkook hated to admit it but he had missed his brothers very much; all the sneaking around and hiding away from them, had involuntarily built a barrier between them and with each laughter that filled the room, he could feel it breaking down. After Jimin had recovered from sliding off his chair from laughing so hard after Hoseok had spilled beer all over Yoongi’s new phone, Jungkook cleared his throat. “So…you’re all not mad at me anymore, right?” Carefully he looked at his older brothers, eyes swimming in tears as he waited for their reply. He knew, he was ruining the mood but the question was eating him up inside - he would’ve hated to find out later that they were all just pretending to make him feel alright for a couple of hours. To his surprise, Namjoon wrapped his arm around his shoulders. “We were never mad at you, just a little disappointed. You’re still a part of us, Jungkook.” Hiding his face in his hands, he let the tears fall freely but he didn’t want his hyungs to see how relieved he was that they still loved and cared about him. “Is he crying?” Jin asked astounded, looking at the others. “I think so…” Yoongi couldn’t tell until Jungkook let out a quiet sob. “Oh Jungkookie, don’t cry!” Hoseok got to his feet, hurrying around the table to give him a hug. “When you cry, we all cry. Don’t do that!” He softly chuckled, letting his brothers hug him and wipe his tears away, thinking that maybe one day he would be okay as long as they were by his side.

*~~EPILOGUE ~~*

It was a cloudy day, the sun was hiding behind a thick blanket of clouds while she was confined to the car, staring at a row of buildings that all looked the same to her. Deliberately she was pulling at her sweater to make it wider and comfier. “Not long, five more minutes or so.” She nodded, fiddling with the strap of her purse - her nerves getting the better of her. “Aren’t you excited?” “I am…” She replied, trailing off; unsure whether she was actually excited or scared. They had never talked about it, really but she was hoping it would all turn out just fine. Nervously she stepped out of the car, leaning against it to keep a close eye on the door, wishing she would have brought Taehyung or Ha-na for moral support but they were busy visiting locations for the party after the wedding reception. The unusual loud beep of her phone made her flinch when it snapped her out of her thoughts. [Jimin - 2:28pm] Don’t tell Jungkookie about his surprise party later! 🤫 And don’t worry y/n, I know he will be very excited when you tell him 😍 She let out a sigh, it was easier said than done - she had been on edge since last night, only tossing and turning all night. What if he wasn’t happy about it? The others had reassured her a million times by now that it was all going to be fine but now she was contemplating waiting a little longer, maybe even a few months, as ridiculous as it sounded in her head. She was checking her watch yet again, thinking that a minute could easily feel like hours when suddenly a door opened and a few people left the most official-looking building of them all. Her eyes found him, surrounded by the guys in his unit as they were walking towards their families after the ceremony, which she hadn’t been allowed to attend for privacy reasons, but that didn’t matter now. The tingling feeling in her legs, made her impatient and she just couldn’t stand still and wait for him to get to her, so she started running towards him. The moment he spotted her, Jungkook’s face lit up, his stomach was swarming with butterflies as he dropped his bag on the ground, ready to catch her in his arms. “Jungkook-ah, is that your girlfriend?” Minhyuk laughed next to him, nudging him with his elbow, watching as she came running, her skirt blowing in the wind. “Yes.” He said proudly, getting ready to wrap his arms around her for the first time in almost three months. “Looks like she’s really excited to see you, you really should’ve taken a shower this morning.” Junyoung teased him, making the other guys chuckle as they all seemingly waited to watch the reunion. “I saw Jungkookie using perfume before the ceremony, he’ll be fine.” Hyunwoo added, patting his shoulder. “Your teasing is definitely something I won’t miss.” Jungkook winked at them before shifting his focus back to her. He had become good friends with some of the guys in his unit after spending day and night with them - maybe it reminded him of the old days with the other members but it comforted him and made his military service not as bad as he had imagined it before enlisting. His heart was hammering against his ribcage when he picked her up right before she could crash into his chest. His arms securely wrapped around her thighs, he slowly spun around in circles with her. She gently cupped his face, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to his lips, only deepening it for a few seconds. Carefully he set her down, her fingers digging into the rough material of his uniform jacket. “Hey.” She smiled shyly, looking up at him. “Hey.” Jungkook gently brushed his fingertips over her cheek, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “I missed you.” “We missed you too…” “We?” He asked; confusion painted all over his face. He had been told that his members would stay at home and they wouldn’t get together until after his little meeting with the press and fans outside the company building. “Yes, we…” Taking his hand, he could feel hers shaking when she placed it on her stomach. “We missed you a lot.” Jungkook froze; unsure of whether his ears were playing tricks on him or not. His heart was racing again, but this time it was different - a fuzzy feeling rushed through his body as he slowly started to move his hand over her stomach, feeling the small bump that was well hidden underneath the oversized sweater. “Are you serious?” He swallowed hard, trying to stop his eyes from watering. “I am, I went to the doctor a few weeks ago…” She trailed off, suddenly feeling guilty for not having told him sooner. “I’m sorry, I should’ve… I wanted to tell you in person.” “No, no..it’s okay!” He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that he was going to be a father just yet. “I-I’m happy you told me like this, it was perfect.” He smiled, cupping her face to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “Noona, I love you.” Ever so delicately he kissed her before he sunk to his knees to press his lips to her stomach, an overwhelming feeling of happiness spreading in his chest.

* “Kookie, she woke up again.” Y/n sighed, hearing the faint little cries coming from their bedroom as she put away the last few dishes. “I’ll go check on her.” He put his laptop down on the couch to get up. “No, it’s okay. You’ve had a long day, I’ll do it.” Quickly he crossed the room to stand in front of her. “No, you go sit down and rest. Dasom was asleep when I got home, so this is my chance to spend some time with her.” “Okay fine, but don’t start playing with her again or she will be up for hours.” “I won’t, I promise.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek and quietly made his way to their bedroom, only turning on the small light on the bedside table. “Hey, little one.” Gently he picked her up, sitting down with her on y/n’s side of the bed, drying her cheeks with his sleeve. “What’s wrong?” He could tell from the way she was crying that she wasn’t hungry, y/n had fed her before putting her down and it was too early for her dream feed. “You don’t need to be changed either.” He concluded after checking her diaper. “Wanna tell appa what’s bothering you?” Dasom made a few unidentifiable noises in between yawns, looking at her father with those big brown doe eyes that she could’ve only gotten from him. “Hmm….yeah…” Jungkook nodded his head. “I understand, I missed you too while I was at work…” He trailed off, reminding himself what he had promised y/n but he was so tempted to tickle her, simply to hear her laugh - he really needed to hear it sometimes, especially after a long tiring day of filming. “I promised mommy I wouldn’t keep you up so, how about I tell you a bedtime story instead?” He cradled her in his arm, making sure she was comfortable. “Where did we leave off last night before you fell asleep? Right, you know there was a time when the princess really didn’t want to be with the prince because of what the people in the town were saying; they were really mean to both of them and the princess wanted to protect the prince so she left him heartbroken and to fend for himself. But the prince loved the princess so much that he did everything in his power to show her his love - it took him months of slaying dragons and all the monsters in the far-away land but eventually, she realized that the universe had always wanted them to be together, they weren’t doomed to be star-crossed lovers…” Dasom’s little snores interrupted his recollection of his relationship with her mother, lovingly his index finger followed the perfect slope of her little nose. Without waking her, he put her back in her crib, making sure she was surrounded by all her favorite plushies, all gifts from her uncles; before he gently kissing her forehead. “I love you and mommy so much, I hope you know that, baby girl.” He whispered, slightly pulling on the string of the little moon above her bed that played the melody of Euphoria.

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gottlem · 5 years ago

Text

summer fl(in)g. gigi/crystal

a/n i made crystal sad about 3/4 through and im SORRY i was projecting. anyways theres a tiny tiny bit of angst but MOST of this is just dumb gays in l*ve. im still getting used to writing fics so be nice pls !!!! also if u want a pt2 be sure to let me know!

summary: lockdown in summer can be lonely, but Crystal and Gigi make sure they never feel alone. thank god they have good service. (3.8k words)

When lockdown was announced, Crystal wasn’t surprised. The pandemic was taking the world by storm and yeah, it fucking terrified her. But she had to look on the bright side. So that's what she did. Just as the announcement came to an end, Crystal’s phone pinged from her pocket and she smiled to see her friends' names light up on the screen.

JANtastic: well its official

miss cox: Yeah I’m gonna miss u guys!!!

goodegirl: you say that as if u won’t be spending lockdown with jan. i’ll be ALONE thanks for asking

CRYstal: hey i’ll be alone too !!! I’ll text u everyday to keep u company :-))

goodegirl: i’m gonna hold u up to that

And Gigi did hold her up to that. The country was two days into lockdown when Crystal received her first message.

goodegirl: ugh we are how many days into lockdown? And ive already had A MILLION people hit me up with “hows quarantine treating u ;)” i am SICK.

When Crystal read the text, an odd feeling bubbled in her stomach. She told herself it was because she wasn’t used to out-of-the-blue messages from Gigi yet, they just didn’t talk that much, but looking back she admits there was probably (definitely) more to it than that. Of course the girls had already been friends, but Crystal had never found it in herself to speak to Gigi that much because, well, she was intimidatingly gorgeous. They got on well in groups, where Crystal could try to focus her attention on someone who didn’t make her face red every time she looked at her, but she knew if she invited Gigi out by themselves, she would make a fool of herself. It was stupid really, it wasn’t even like she had feelings for her - she was just too pretty, and Crystal didn’t know how to handle herself around someone who looked like they belonged in a vogue magazine. A ping shook her from her thoughts.

goodegirl: like i get that ppl are thirsty rn. i get it. i am too. but is that really the BEST they can come up with?

Crystal needed to reply. But what could she even say to that?

CRYstal: at least u have people trying to hit you up ://

goodegirl: omg what??? ur telling me not ONE person has tried to slide into those dms? they need to get on that! ur a catch

Crystal felt her face flush at the comment. Did Gigi really think she was a catch? Or maybe she’s just being nice? That was probably it. Just friendly banter.

CRYstal: nope haha! ANYWAYS. hows quarantine treating u ;-)

goodegirl: very funny. bitch.

From then on, the texts flowed easily between the two and Crystal started to ask herself why she hadn’t done this earlier. So what if Gigi was offensively attractive? They clicked so easily - Gigi was smart, quick witted, and didn’t take anything too seriously. So really, she was Crystal's perfect match. As a friend. Platonically. That night, they texted until Crystal was struggling to even keep her eyes open. It was a conversation that felt natural to them, bringing up anything that came into their heads and letting eachother start stupid tangents without fear of judgement. Gigi found Crystal's ability to ramble on about any random subject impossibly endearing, but she wouldn’t admit that out loud. Not yet, anyways.

After three days of almost constant texting, Crystal facetimed Gigi for the first time. She picked up within seconds with wide eyes and a grin on her face.

“Hey you” If Crystal couldn’t see her smile (which she absolutely could) then she could definitely hear it. Gigi’s voice was soft and she hadn’t realised how much she missed it until she was reminded of it. The best thing was that Gigi sounded genuinely happy to speak to Crystal, it made her ecstatic. Crystal had called in the late afternoon, just before the sun had started to set, so she could see golden light shining gently onto Gigi’s features. It left her speechless for a second. How many times was Gigi going to leave her completely unable to reply by merely talking to her? This girl was going to be the death of her. When Crystal finally came to, she managed out a soft, but casual, reply, hoping that she had covered up the embarrassing amount of time it took for her to speak. If Gigi noticed, she didn’t mention it.

It took them a while to get into the rhythm of actually talking to each other - texts made it easy to think over before you send, and Gigi had never really been one to think before she spoke aloud anyway. She didn’t want to scare Crystal off with how blunt she could be, but after some awkward laughs and stuttered jokes, the pair slowly fell into a rhythm they felt surprisingly comfortable in; they bounced off each other's jokes and soon enough their cheeks hurt from smiling. A few hours into the call, Crystal was sitting comfortably on her bed, her phone propped up with pillows so she and Gigi could still see each other. She caught herself staring again. It started off as small glances that lingered a bit longer than they should, but it was easy to do that and quickly cover it up, especially on facetime. Soon enough, Crystal would completely daze off for minutes, just staring at the girl on her screen. She figured out she really liked looking at Gigi, and Gigi didn’t seem to mind.

Gigi thinks Crystal’s voice is her favourite sound. After about 5 minutes of hearing run on sentences about god knows what, she had already decided she could listen to her talk forever. About anything. She really didn’t care as long as it was Crystal and she was talking to her. As the call progressed into the late hours of the night, the pair had started to get giggly - the tiredness they were feeling was starting to take effect, but it made them anything but sleepy. At 11:56pm, Gigi decided Crystal’s laugh was her second favourite sound. She would sometimes giggle, sometimes she’d shake with silent laughter, but her favourite was when she gave into a full-belly laugh. The kind of laugh that substitutes for a full core workout. That was Gigi’s favourite.

Crystal was obsessed with Gigi’s smile. It softened Gigi, showed a side of her that Crystal hadn’t been acquainted to previously, but she was so glad she knew now. Gigi could be harsh sometimes, she had learned this years ago and had just accepted it as who Gigi was, but after seeing that damn smile, it was hard to think that Gigi was even capable of hurting a fly. Crystal was quick to realise the mean girl facade (which had only made her scarier to talk to, and somehow more attractive) was just that - a facade. Walls she had built up. Crystal was eager to break them down, and she felt like she was making a good start everytime Gigi smiled like that.

They hung up when Gigi started yawning more than she was talking, she insisted it was just because she was tired, and Crystal wholeheartedly believed her. When Gigi’s face disappeared from her screen, Crystal was still smiling. Her cheeks hurt and she felt whole. She took a deep breath and took in the silence for a moment - she was alone again. She didn’t feel lonely. Despite her ever-growing fatigue, Crystal just couldn’t fall asleep, her head was buzzing with Gigi’s voice, and her laugh, and her smile, and her eyes, and- Crystal was in deep shit. She was all too familiar with the feeling of butterflies manifesting in her stomach, the thoughts of a particular person on her mind constantly. To be completely honest, she hated it. Falling for anyone had never ended well for her, and falling for someone she was already friends with? Even worse. There was no way this would end without somebody getting hurt, and that somebody would probably be Crystal. And yet, being stuck in isolation, she thought the idea of possibly having a girlfriend didn’t sound too bad, but that might have been the lack of human contact talking.

Gigi let her thoughts wonder as she drifted off into sleep. She wasn’t one to get crushes, but when she fell, she fell hard. And willingly. There was just something about the drama of having such strong feelings for someone, and playing guessing games on how they felt. And by the way Crystal had been staring at her all night, Gigi felt like she was on the right tracks. She liked the way her cheeks would flush if she thought too hard about the girl, or how butterflies would dance around in her stomach, making her feel lighter than a feather. Maybe she was just a hopeless romantic, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. She allowed herself to dream up scenarios of herself and Crystal being together once this whole situation was over. She quite liked how it looked in her head.

As the days passed, Gigi and Crystal found themselves spending more of their waking hours talking to each other over facetime than they did doing anything else. They were both falling quickly, only mildly aware of each other's adoration. It didn’t take very long for the casual flirting to start. Everytime Gigi gave an off-handed compliment about how Crystal sounded “really pretty today” or how her laugh is “the prettiest thing”, the other girl would turn bright red and freeze up. Gigi would tease her about it, which only made her more and more flustered. She thought she’d eventually get used to it, but she never did. Crystal tried to flirt back,really tried, she wanted more than anything to make Gigi stumble over her words like she does to her so often, but she would always be completely unfazed by every compliment Crystal could think of. Crystal found her ability to keep her composure so easily both irritating and compelling.

It took Crystal a few days to find something that would finally, finally break Gigi down. Pet names. When she had casually let ‘babe’ slip in the middle of a sentence, she could practically see the breath that got stuck in Gigi’s throat before she started to choke on nothing but air. When Crystal asked if she was ok, she answered with a question.

“Did you just call me babe?”

“Yeah. Is that a problem?” Crystal genuinely wanted to make sure that it was ok, but the comment came off as less of a question, and more as straight up flirting.

“No. Nope. Not a problem at all. What were we talking about?”

Crystal doesn’t press further, taking pride in being able to make the girl so speechless, and continues what she was saying as if nothing had stopped her in the first place. She watched as Gigi’s blush died down very, very slowly, only to watch it burn up again every time Crystal repeated the pet name. She absolutely adored it.

“You’re cute when you blush, babe” Gigi made a noise at this. Crystal made a note of that before deciding that this would never get old.

Soon enough, the girls were in a comfortable routine - talking every day until one of them would give in to sleep. It was usually Crystal. Gigi would stay on the call for a bit, just to listen to the girl’s breathing, it provided an unexpected comfort to her. Plus Crystal was adorable when she slept. The routine was broken one day about a month into the lockdown, though nobody was really paying attention to what day it was anyway. Gigi had been awake for no more than an hour when she started to miss Crystal, so she gave her a call. Crystal didn’t pick up. Gigi called again, just in case Crystal had her phone on silent, but she was met with no answer. Instead, she was sent a text, a text which really didn’t explain anything. At all.

CRYstal: hey !!! sorry can’t pick up rn but i promise u i will call in like an hour or two ???? speak to u soon love !!!! <3

It was unusual for Crystal to miss out on a call - she was usually the one to be ringing Gigi. What could she even be doing? Gigi needed a distraction, something to pass the time instead of sitting and waiting. That was when she realised she hadn’t worn any makeup in weeks, so she sat herself down and started on a full face - the process of doing her makeup always calmed her down, so it was a welcome distraction. Just as she finished, her phone began ringing. She didn’t have to check to see who it was.

“Hi! Sorry I didn’t answer before I was kinda busy” Gigi was speechless. A pixelated Crystal was beaming at her from her phone screen. And she had green hair now. This is why she didn’t pick up? The bitch was dyeing her hair? It did look really pretty though. Like, really, really pretty.

“Quarantines really getting to you that much huh?” Gigi decided against gushing about Crystal’s new hair - that would be giving her what she wanted.

“Do you like it?” She loved it. Adored it.

“It’s nice”

“That’s all you’re going to say?”

“Needy are we?” That shut her up. She changed the topic in an instant.

“So... you look really pretty today!”

That night, the girls fell back into their easy routine. It had been hours since she first saw it, but Gigi couldn’t keep her eyes off of Crystal and her new look. It really suited her. It just felt so utterly Crystal. The green haired girl was in the middle of a long rant about how One DIrection “are definitely planning a reunion really really soon” when Gigi had to stop her.

“I fucking love your hair, Crys” She blushed at the out-of-the-blue compliment.

“Really? I thought it was just nice?” Gigi shook her head.

“I was teasing, of course I love it. It suits you so much, you look beautiful” She was smiling ear to ear. Crystal loved it when Gigi gushed over her like this. It made her feel like there could be something there, like this was more than friends bored in quarantine.

“Thanks,” Crystal paused for just a moment before her face lit up “Oh my God, you should do something to your hair too!” Gigi hated that idea, and shook her head affectionately at the girl's adorable excitement. She felt slightly bad when she told her that she would be caught dead before doing anything to her hair - she loved the deep brown colour it had always been, and was happy with how the length framed her face. Crystal however, was incessant. Gigi was surprised when she found herself telling Crystal that she’d “think about” changing her hair up.

Saying this was a huge mistake. Crystal reminded her every other hour that she had to dye it or cut it or just do something, and it drove Gigi insane. It took her all but two days to finally cave in - it irked her that Crystal had this much power over her. She wanted to do something shocking, something that would shut Crystal up about her damn hair for good. So she shaved it.

She did it when Crystal fell asleep after a particularly heated debate about her hair (the second of the night) and Gigi hung up to get to work on it. To call it an impulse decision wasn’t perhaps the most accurate, seeing as though she had been bugged about it for a solid 48 hours, but waking up that morning, Gigi hadn’t expected that all her hair would be gone by the time she went to sleep. Once she had finally bitten the bullet, it took her an hour to admit that she actually kind of liked the look - plus it was fun to touch.

When Crystal called her that morning, Gigi took a moment to herself before answering. She hadn’t told her about the change in her appearance and hoped she would like it, or at least be pleased that Gigi finally listened to her. She took a breath and picked up, feigning confidence with a casual “morning!”. She watched Crystal’s eyes go wide and her hands cover her mouth. Gigi acted oblivious.

“What's up? Is there someone behind me or something?” She looked at her screen and patiently waited until Crystal composed herself - she was used to her staring anyway. When Crystal finally spoke, she was practically squealing out a string of compliments. Apparently, she loved it.

“Are you keeping it like that? Please say you’re keeping it like that, it's so hot” Gigi wasn’t sure if she would grow it out, but after Crystal had said that, it was an easy decision.

“I guess I’ll keep it then. Just for you”

Crystal loved being so open with Gigi, and she really appreciated how close they had gotten during lockdown - but she really just needed today off. She had woken up one morning with a feeling of dread that she couldn’t quite place, and a persistent headache. This was going to be a bad day, but she was used to bad days. She ignored Gigi’s calls and sent no follow up text. She could speak to Gigi later. Right now, she was just going to go back to sleep.

So that's what she did. She woke up in the late afternoon and finally dragged herself out of bed to make some food in the evening. When she got back to the safety of her bed, she was still tired. And she kind of felt like crying. So she cried. Sometimes, especially on bad days, Crystal’s mind could get the best of her, she had learned to just let herself get all her feelings out when she got like this - bottling them up had only ever made them worse. This was when Gigi called for the millionth time that day, her texts had become concerned, then angry, then concerned again. Crystal felt like she owed an explanation, so with bloodshot eyes and a puffy red face, Crystal finally picked up.

“Ugh finally! You haven’t spoken to me all day I- what’s wrong?” Crystal felt a ping of guilt at Gigi’s initial response to her answering. Had she really kept her waiting all day? It felt silly, like an unreasonable excuse, but deep down Crystal knew what was good for her. She also didn’t know how to answer Gigi’s question. She was starting to regret picking up, having Gigi see her like this - god, she must have looked a mess.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have picked up. I'm probably bringing the mood down” She saw Gigi’s features become impossibly softer at that.

“Hey, no, it's ok. We don’t have to talk about it, but we can if you want to. But you’re not hanging up. And neither am I. If it means I sit in complete silence with you for the next few hours then so be it”

This was when Crystal knew Gigi was a keeper. Whether whatever they had going on would continue, or whether they would return to strictly just friends, Gigi was someone she needed to keep in her life. They eventually started talking, first it was about how Gigi’s day went - Crystal didn’t feel like speaking much, but once she warmed up to seeing that all-familiar smile, she felt comfortable enough to start to open up. They talked for hours. Crystal cried. Gigi cried (though not as much).

“I just wish I could be there to help, or at least give you a hug or something, god this sucks” Crystal saw this as an opportunity to lighten the mood.

“As if you would settle for just a hug” Crystal winked pitifully and Gigi laughed, but didn’t disagree.

Of course one chat didn’t fix Crystal’s problems, but at least now she had someone in her corner - and that was half the battle.

It didn’t take the pair very long to fall back into their rhythm, feeling closer and more comfortable with each other, their feelings getting stronger as each day passed on. Crystal found herself falling back into the habit of sitting silent, and admiring the girl on her screen.

“You’re staring.” Gigi told her. Crystal hummened in agreement.

“You’re pretty”

It was normal for the pair to bounce words like pretty, and beautiful, and gorgeous between them. It was as if they both knew exactly how the other felt - like it was completely unspoken and yet so obvious. And maybe it was.

Two months into lockdown, Gigi was really starting to miss physical contact - she was starting to feel a thrill when she made eye contact with strangers on her way to her weekly shop, she was getting desperate. It was brought up with Crystal.

“I just miss human contact. I want to hold a hand. I want someone to hug me. I want a kiss! Oh my god I miss kissing.” Crystal felt herself blushing at the mention of kissing (kissing Gigi, nonetheless). She would give anything to see Gigi right now, to be close to her.

“When this is over, I’ll kiss you, don’t even worry about it” Crystal was only half joking. GIgi went red, but tried to act as if the thought of Crystal kissing her didn’t phase her at all.

“Oh will you now?”

“I’m not kidding”

“Well. I’d very much like that Miss Methyd” Gigi gave in, she refused to play hard to get with someone who she had fallen so hard for. She just hoped Crystal would stick to her word.

Summer was halfway through when lockdown was lifted. The instant the announcement was made, Crystal phone pinged - it wasJan, and she suddenly felt a wave of deja vu from when the lockdown started.

JANtastic: GUYSSSSSS i’ve missed you so much PLEASE say y’all are free to meet? Like right now?!?!

JANtatsic: Jackie’s already with me so, she’s down too :))

CRYstal: i’ve missed you too !!! i’m free to meet!

goodegirl: me too !!

The group reunited within an hour, Crystal shed some happy tears, and Gigi laughed as she wiped them for her. It was nice to be with her, to be able to stand next to each other. But it also felt odd - like something had shifted now that they were right in front of each other. So for the rest of summer, the girls shared lingering glances and awkward smiles, too scared to make an official move.

#this took so long to write #hope u liked it #there will be a part 2 maybe !!!#pls dont let this flop #just two gays in l*ve #so fluffy #also i cant flirt so i cant write flirting #sorry bout it #can be read as w/w or m/m depending on how much u squint #gigi goode #crystal methyd #jackie cox #jan sport #just jan #gigi x crystal #jan x jackie #lesbian au

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laeana · 4 years ago

Note

All the questions :p gl

Okay then I’m gonna do my best to answer this xD

1: are there any fics that you wanted to leave multiple kudos for, and were disappointed when you could only leave one?

I can say there were too many fics where I wanted to leave more than one kudos ! this is the kind of story i’m coming back to some nights, when i say a new chapter has been post (hourray!), and then at the end of the chapter i’m juste like : pls let me give more thanks to this author, he/she deserves it so much !

I’m only going to give three examples bc otherwise, i’m gonna stay here the whole night !

9 million followers and still all i want is you by simplyverstappen, here as @verstappened but the entire Youtube AU serie is golden.

Three Wishes for Verstappen by PoemAboutCityLights that is amazing, i loved everything from the beginning to the end.

now we’re sleeping near the edge by Directionless_Foray that captivates me with a ship I hadn’t read until then.

2: coffeeshop AU or soulmate AU?

I’m so, so, so in love with soulmate AU. It is always something to think about how our fates may be connected to one another. I like that thought and, more than anything, it could help me, a poor and lonely soul, to find real love. And also, it is really easy to romanticize it or turn it funny. So I’m like 100% soulmate AU.

3: slowburn or established relationship?

Slowburn. I like developping relationship and begin from zero to something more complicated. I like all the emotions you can have, insecurities, uncertainties ... from someone who is slowly falling in love and who is terrified by that.

4: has a fic ever made you cry?

nope. Never. But it’s really hard to make me cry over something. Like if one of my relatives die, I would probably cry a lot but I never cried when reading a book, seeing a movie ... except for the Little Prince.

5: what category of fics do you read the most? (angst, fluff, etc)

I read a lot of angst. And write a lot of angst too. I don’t know why, I must like to see people suffering ...

i just find a certain beauty in people who have been bruised and that still find force to stand.

6: what’s your least favourite fanfic category?

Hard to tell. I don’t know ... i think any category can shelter masterpiece, depending on who is writing and why and if they got the right inspiration at the right moment ... etc. So I cannot resolve myself to fully dislike one category.

7: would you rather read a plot-focused fic or pwp?

Plot-focused. No particular reason.

9: what are your favourite ships to read fics for?

If we are taking every single fandom I entered in, I can say for sure Maxiel, Deledier, Lochte/Phelps (though no one write about them anymore) and Stormpilot.

10: have/would you read a reader-insert fic?

I already did. Quite a few. I was really curious about it and it’s not that unpleasant. Maybe not my cup of tea though.

11: ever read guilty pleasure fics?

Guilty pleasure fic ? ...nah, no guilty pleasure over here. Only pleasure :D

12: first-person or third person fics?

Mostly third person. I gave up on first-person fic and found more enjoyable third person fics. Some personal experiments discourage me to write while using first-person in fact. I’m recovering slowly and trying my best to put myself at work and end up some writing with first-person perspective !

13: do you read author’s notes usually?

Yes, I like to see if they want to share anything with us, readers. It may be anything, only a few words, but it may be important to their eyes. I try to pay attention to this, now that i write too.

14: what’s your favourite AU setting?

University AU. Or like, usually, anything that puts characters in a school context. I found it pretty funny and this can already give us some issues to develop through our characters.

15: do you usually leave comments on chapters/fics?

I try. To fics that gave me a big, big feelings/impressions. There is so much I want to say to writers but often I read fics really late and my brain isn’t able to work enough to give me a correct english. So mostly I tell myself I’ll come back tomorrow. And I forget too often, that’s a shame.

16: fix-it fics or au fics?

That’s a good question ! x) I’m gonna stay with au, though i really like fix-it fics because it is always soothing when you are able to rewrite what happens. Because often it hurts and it may be tragical and sometimes we wish we could do the same with the reality ...

and then au fics is somehow directly thinking about another reality, ignoring what we know right now and totally change things and I love that. Absolutely amazing.

17: canon-compliant or canon, what canon?

Canon. It may seems weird for someone who just said prefering au fics but it’s just like this. I can’t really explained it to myself ...

18: have you ever read fics you would not confess to reading?

Once again, nope. I think many have their own likings and if reading that fic is a shame for someone, it is certainly not for somebody else. I often choose what I read before I read it, i don’t have in mind any fics i’m somehow ashamed to have read.

19: undercover au or college au?

Ooooh, undercover au sounds nice. I think I never wrote about it, i should try one day ! but i’m staying with college au.

20: what something that immediately makes you exit out of a fic?

a ship that i don’t like ? i may stay if the story is good but it makes me cringe a bit and my mind can’t stay focus on a damn thing. I’m somehow too loyal to my own ships, it’s annoying ... x)

Okay i’m tired and tomorrow I have class so I’m just gonna leave this like that, hoping I didn’t make too much grammatical errors and that I didn’t take too much of your time if you ever read this.

#fanfiction #writing #ao3 #wattpad #asks game #still writing #trying to find motivation

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magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics · 6 years ago

Text

The Lives We Lost - Request

Requested by @ archiekins-ronnie: cAN I PLEASE HAVE A HARRY POTTER IMAGINE!! happy and angsty pls?? maybe like they have a one night stand before the war and she ends up pregnant but they dont know and when they find out shes pregnant, its too late and the baby ends up dyinf. but in the end theyre happy and fluff pls?

Pairing: Harry Potter x Reader

Word Count: 3.393

Warnings: Not edited, I changed a bit from the original story. I wrote this by memory. Trigger warning: baby loss. I don’t know what it feels like, nor the emotional pain of the loss, so I’ve you’ve been through this, please understand this.

A/N: First of all, I’m not sure if magic actually works the way I wrote but screw it. I had to change the timeline a bit, and also I tried avoiding certain scenes because, if you’re reading this, I’m assuming you already read the books and/or watched the movie so it’s unnecessary. It’s also the first fic I wrote about Harry Potter since I took my break, and I haven’t rewatched the movies nor reread the books in a while so please be patient.

Enjoy!

The war had started out of a sudden. The lives of innocents were being taken, and there was no place left to hide. It was terrifying. The world was covered in a darkness that - they feared - would never fade away.

Mothers hid their children behind the walls, up in their attics and some of them even sent them away. Muggleborns slept with one eye open, fearing that death would come at any time, and even pure-blooded families feared that they would be forced to join the Dark Lord’s side.

During the last nights of peace - fake peace - Harry had tried drowning his sorrow in alcohol, for it was the only thing that could cover up reality, replacing it with wonderous visions of the pink-coloured life he wished for.

There was a waitress, who appeared once Harry was absolutely drunk. She was beautiful as a lily, and had the fearless attitude of a lion. She’d laugh at Harry’s jokes, and always talked from a clever point of view.

It was inevitable for them to, eventually, end up together in one of those rooms the Leaky Cauldron rented for passerby witches and wizards.

Their lips found each other’s when the sun was starting to come out. Harry had drunk all night long, and she had been his company throughout the whole process. She was comprehensive, and had a deep attachment to the boy who lived, because she saw him not as a saviour but as a poor fellow who had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

She was about to leave - her shift was over - when Harry managed to grab her arm. She looked down at the drunken boy, all sweaty and blushed.

“Stay with me,” he whispered, “Stay with me, I don’t want to…”

“To what, Harry?” She inquired, knowing exactly what he meant.

“To die.”

She knew what he meant. It didn’t involve Voldemort, nor a Death Eater, nor anything anyone else could think of; he meant die by his own hand. He was too young to live with that pressure, yet he managed somehow to survive each year… But, during the past nights, with all the events going on, he had considered the easy way out - easy for someone whose loved ones’ lives didn’t depend on them - and she knew it, she knew it because he confessed it night after night, between whispers and tacky jokes. She knew it, because he had told her more than once, not only with words but with actions, glances and silent tears.

“I’m taking you to your room,” She said, helping him up and then guiding him to the upper floor and then to his room.

Harry allowed her to drag him around the place. She made him sit on his bed and take his shoes off, she placed a bucket by the side of the bed, just in case, and closed the curtains to avoid the sun from leaking in.

“You don’t have to do that,” Harry observed. His tongue was clumsy, due to the alcohol he had consumed.

“I know,” She replied, turning to look down at him.

“Are you going to stay?” He asked, giving her the best puppy eyes he, under the effects of alcohol, could do.

“No, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I’m your waitress, that’s all.”

“I thought we were friends,” Harry chuckled sadly.

“Only at night… You ask, I pour, you drink, I listen… That’s how it works.”

“What about day time?”

“Huh?”

“You said we were friends at night, what about day time?” Harry insisted, trying to get up from bed.

“During day time, we don’t know each other,” She answered, as she pushed Harry back to the bed.

“I think we should get to know each other,” Harry slurred and kissed her softly.

His lips were dry and he tasted of gin and that frisky potion he decided to try that night. There was also a slight taste of salt and something else - the taste of warmth.

“Stay with me, please, just today,” Harry begged over her lips.

And so she stayed.

That night, when she returned to work, Harry was no longer at his usual table at the corner. The clerk told her that two wizards had gone to look for him an hour after she left his room and had taken him to a secret location.

“He was too exposed here, I suppose,” The clerk commented.

“He was,” She nodded and got to work, willing to forget about that black haired boy.

Two months later, the whole Wizarding World was out of control. There were Death Eaters all over the place, killing innocent mudbloods and recruiting young purebloods to their army.

(Y/N) had managed to stay out of the radar by pretending to be a muggle; she had moved to a muggle restaurant to continue working as a waitress, had hidden away every magical artifact inside an enchanted trunk that was supposed to cover all magic traces.

She lived like that for a whole month. Just when she thought she was going to make it past the war, somebody knocked on her flat’s door.

She opened, fearing the person on the other side was an enemy, and was surprised to see three strange looking teenagers. One had titanium blonde hair and quirky eyes, the other one was a red haired with her face covered face, and the third was the only male in the group, with chubby cheeks and dark hair.

“We need your help,” he spoke.

“Who are you?” (Y/N) inquired, although she was certain to have seen them around.

“We’re Potter’s friends,” the blonde one said, “he told us you could help.”

“Help with what?”

After a very short explanation and a lot of begging, the three kids convinced her to go back to the magic world and help them take care of refugees. She knew the Diagon Alley like the palm of her hand, and so she could be plenty helpful for them.

When she returned, she couldn’t help but notice how changed everything was. The only colour out on the Diagon Alley was coming from the Weasley Twins’ store, and yet it looked brim and dying.

She got to work with Aberforth Dumbledore, helping refugees to cross from Hogsmeade to the Alley and back to the muggle world, and vice versa. It was dangerous, but it was required for her fellow witches and wizards to be safe.

One particular night, the boy who lived returned to the Leaky Cauldron, followed by his two best friend, Ron and Hermione. Neither (Y/N) or the clerk knew why exactly they had returned there, knowing it would be the first place where Death Eaters would look for him.

“I need to get back to Hogwarts,” he explained to the clerk. (Y/N) was hiding in the back, eavesdropping on the conversation.

“Well, you’ve come to the right place, but we must be quick before the Death Eaters know you’re here,” the clerk urged, “(Y/N)! Prepare the portrait.”

“(Y/N)?” Harry gasped, “Last time I heard from her, she had escaped the magic world.”

“Well, she’s back, and she’s been very helpful.” The clerk shrugged his shoulders and turned around to go look for (Y/N), who hadn’t replied instantly.

“Is (Y/N) the waitress you told us about?” Ron asked in a whisper.

“I’m afraid so,” Harry answered.

“You think she hates you?” Ron asked again.

“Why would she hate him? He did nothing wrong, and I’m sure she’s absolutely comprehensive about the situation,” Hermione defended.

“Well, I’m just asking, you know how girls get when..:”

“When what?” Hermione interrupted Ron.

“Nevermind,” Ron sighed.

“NEVERMIND! Are you serious? You think us girls get all weepy for you guys because your ego is so inflated that…”

“STOP!” Harry exclaimed, “This is no time for discussing, and if you raise your voice once more we are risking to be heard from the outside.”

“You’re right, sorry,” Hermione apologised.

“I’m sorry,” Ron mumbled and then both of them fell into an absolute silence.

The clerk returned to the trio. “She’ll be out in a second, she’s just not feeling well.”

“I told you,” Ron whispered and Hermione elbowed his ribs. “Ouch!”

“What do you mean? Is there anything we can do?”

“No, it’s fine, she’s just… I don’t know, she’s been feeling sick lately, but I guess it’s just the stress from the war and all that,” the clerk dismissed.

“All right,” Harry nodded.

(Y/N) went out with a loud exhalation and Harry instantly locked his eyes to hers. She smiled just like she did whenever her shift started and had to go to Harry’s table.

“Hey, Potter,” she greeted and moved past the bar and to a portrait of an old witch that was hanging in the further wall.

“Hey, (Y/N)” Harry greeted as well and followed her.

(Y/N) started talking to the old hag, who was asleep. Waking her up was no easy task, and that was the exact reason why that portrait was picked to work as a secret passage - there was no way a stranger could open it.

“Another one!” The witch complained.

“Three, actually,” (Y/N) muttered.

“Why? WHY? I was dreaming of being saved by Sir Cadogan and you woke me up to help three intruders into the town!”

“Shhh!” (Y/N) begged, “Please, it’s very important for us to get your help.”

The witch crossed her arms in front of her and closed her eyes, as an attempt to ignore them. (Y/N) turned back to the trio, apologetically, “She’s been doing this lately, but she’ll agree soon,” she explained.

“I won’t, not this time,” the old hag snapped back, opening only one eye.

“We must hurry,” the clerk rushed and took a chance into convincing the witch.

Suddenly, the main door got blown away by a very powerful spell. Five Death Eaters marched inside, with their masks on and their wands aimed. Without further notice, a small battle started. Rays of light hit the walls and floors, destroying whatever they touched.

The golden trio had taken the front row, defending themselves and (Y/N) and the clerk from the curses casted by the Death Eaters, and throwing counter attacks in an attempt to stop them.

“I’ll fix this, you go help,” the clerk ordered (Y/N). He was a squib, and so he couldn’t do much but try to convince the witch to let them through.

(Y/N) took her wand out, something she hadn’t done in a long time, and started casting basic spells. She was out of practice, and her spells weren’t quite as powerful, and yet she was a big help to the trio, for she was a good distraction.

“AVADA KEDAVRA!” One of the Death Eaters casted towards (Y/N), and hit her right in the belly. Harry, Hermione and Ron instantly turned their focus to the poor girl, and this was taken as an advantage by the Death Eaters, who vanished in a matter of seconds.

(Y/N) fell on her back and began to breathe heavily. She became pale and started sweating, and Harry quickly reached to her, wrapping her in his arms.

“Why isn’t she dying?” Ron inquired. That spell was known to work for an instant kill.

“I don’t know,” Hermione replied.

(Y/N) screeched in agony, and then looked down. A pool of blood was growing between her legs; the spell had done its job, except it had taken someone else’s life.

“No, no, no, no,” (Y/N) cried as she realised what had happened.

“We must take her to a hospital,” Hermione commanded, kneeling by her side.

Harry was speechless, crying with (Y/N), feeling deep inside that the baby could’ve been his.

“Hogwarts has a working nursery, you must take her with you,” the clerk spoke. Hermione noticed the witch from the portrait was gone. “She’s asking for entry, don’t worry. Take (Y/N) with you.”

“Who’s going to protect you? Those Death Eaters noticed the portrait, they will come back for you.” Ron said.

“I will leave as soon as you cross, and the witch won’t return after crossing you, that was her condition for this one favour,” The clerk solved.

The witch came back and opened the portrait. Behind it, there was an empty passageway. Harry carried (Y/N) in his arms, for she had fainted, and ran inside. “Thank you,” he said, “I’ll make sure she’s safe,” and with that he disappeared into the darkness.

“Please, run away,” Hermione begged, “you’ve been of great help, we will never forget it. Thank you.” She followed Harry.

Ron handed the clerk some smoke bombs from the Weasley store, “these will give you extra time,” he said and followed his friends after thanking him. The clerk shut the portrait immediately.

They would find out later that he got killed when trying to escape the Leaky Cauldron. There were Death Eaters behind the main door, who attacked him right after he opened it. His body couldn’t be retrieved.

When (Y/N) woke up, she was at the Great Hall. It had been a long time since she had even been to Hogwarts, and it was extremely different.

The blonde girl that had asked her to help them was by her side. She introduced herself as Luna, and tried to explain to her what had happened during the time after her fainting.

The war had unleashed, and she had to be taken to the Great Hall, to make sure she was taken care of. Madame Pomfrey had put a spell on her to sleep for as long as her body healed, and therefore nothing else could wake her up.

“Where’s Harry?” (Y/N) asked.

“I don’t know, but I’m afraid he’s done something silly,” Luna said, in the most serious voice tone anyone would ever hear in her.

(Y/N) took a look around. There were plenty of corpses and injured kids around her, and the least damaged ones were helping them to heal their wounds and retrieve the bodies. She could hear and see the teachers she had known before crying over their dead students, friends and families mourning deaths while wrapping bandages around bloody limbs. The dark lord had been “kind” enough to give them time to get back up.

(Y/N) didn’t think twice. She got up from the floor, ignoring her still aching womb, and started helping everyone she could. She felt terrible for not being able to help during the war.

“Everyone come out!” A voice cried from the Great Hall’s door, and they all obeyed.

Lord Voldemort was leading his troupe to the Main Entrance. They weren’t wearing masks, and (Y/N) could recognise some faces from afar for being regular clients at the Leaky Cauldron, clients who had been nice to her. Hagrid was carrying something in his arms, and everyone around (Y/N) started mumbling suggestions about what that could be.

It was Harry.

“Harry Potter is dead!” Volvermort exclaimed, and burst into laughter. His Death Eaters followed along, as McGonagall cried out a loud “NO!” that surprised all of her students, for she hadn’t ever done such sound before. (Y/N) burst into tears, along with everyone else.

He was the boy who lived. They all risked their lives to save him, and defeat the dark lord, and it had all been in vain. A good man, friend, lover, was gone and the enemy had succeeded.

For (Y/N), Harry’s death meant she had to overcome not only the death of her child, but also the death of said child’s father.

Voldemort gave a strange speech, which (Y/N) ignored completely, for she was too focused in her sorrow to even listen to anything else. However, she did notice Neville Longbottom walking forward to the army of Death Eaters, who mocked him carelessly.

“I want to say something,” he said, and Voldemort allowed him to continue. “It doesn’t matter that Harry is gone, people die every day. Friends, family… Yeah, we lost Harry tonight, but he’s still with us in here,” he pointed to his heart, “and so is Fred, Remus, Tonks, all of them. They didn’t die in vain, but you will, cause you’re wrong!”

(Y/N) zoned out once more, she swore to have noticed Harry’s chest moving from afar.

“For all of us!” Neville finished and Harry jumped out of Hagrid’s arms. (Y/N) lost her breath, just like everyone else, whose faces turned into smiles.

The war started again, except this time was a bit less violent for tons of Death Eaters vanished in the act, fearing to be on the wrong side.

(Y/N) fought with all her might, teaming up with strangers against the remaining Death Eaters. There was hope in everyone’s eyes, hope that they might win the fight after all. Harry was alive, and just like the prophecy claimed, he would end the Dark Lord’s reign of horror.

Everything afterwards was blurry. Blinded by adrenaline, (Y/N) fought her way back to the Main Entrance, and then Harry faced Voldemort and succeeded. They had won, the Battle was over.

They had to retrieve a couple more bodies, and heal lots of new wounds, but the vibes in the castle had changed from what (Y/N) woke up to. There were, of course, people still mourning but there were also some that celebrated their victory.

Some were tired of fighting and wanted to get back home, some others found nothing else to do but dance without any music at all, and laugh at whatever they could, trying to feel alive and happy again.

(Y/N) sat at one of the tables, she had just finished wrapping a young girl’s arm. She had tried to stop a curse with it, and ended up with a big, opened wound.

Harry’s eyes met hers, and so he walked towards her and sat by her side.

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

“I woke up to a battle, I used illegal curses against one of my favourite customers because he turned out to be a Death Eater, I’ve wrapped around twenty different wounds and helped a kid find her mother… I’m just overwhelmed.” She said and Harry chuckled, “But of course, nothing compares to dying and then coming back to life and fighting with Lord Voldemort and actually getting to kill him.”

“It was nothing, really,” Harry joked, and (Y/N) giggled.

“It feels weird to laugh about it,” she mumbled, “it feels weird to even say his name without fearing he’ll come back… because he won’t, right?”

“No, I’m afraid not,” Harry said, looking around him.

“What’s on your mind, Potter?”

“I just can’t stop thinking about what happened at the Leaky Cauldron,” he whispered, “I mean, you are here, talking to me after being hit by a killing curse.”

“Maybe I’m a ghost,” she joked sadly.

“It’s surreal,” he said, “the fact that the baby protected you with this mother and baby bond… It’s basically what happened to me when Voldemort killed my parents.”

“Like father like son, then,” She muttered, “except this time the baby saved the mother.”

“So it was mine,” Harry sighed.

“I’m afraid so… You were the only one I was with during this whole thing and… yeah.”

“So what comes next?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” she replied.

“We could find out together,” Harry suggested, she chuckled.

“We barely know each other, and I’m sure this is the first time I have a conversation with you being sober,” She argued.

“All right then,” he extended his hand towards her, “My name in Harry Potter, I just killed Voldemort, and I would really like to have some company right now.”

“You mean as friends?” She inquired.

“At first, yes, and if anything happens afterwards then so be it,” He solved.

(Y/N) smiled tenderly and shook his hand. “Hey, Harry, I’m (Y/N) and I’m no longer a waitress. I would also like to have some company right now.”

Harry smiled back, getting lost in her eyes for a second without separating their hands. The rest of the people around them kept on moving around, but they remained still for a couple seconds, feeling as if the world had vanished the moment they held hands.

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