#if she isn’t doing a direct Naruto run it’s like a weird half one where her arms are bent back but not all the way out

[mitsybubbles]

I know it’s just that she has the Black Knife moveset but Melina Naruto Runs to me

[fangirlandiknowit101]

Here's the sad pining sasuke i wrote last night... it's not finished and who knows when/if i'll finish it. university AU, not edited and there's some naru//hina and sasuke//OC bc i couldn't think of a canon character that fit. The texting part is also weird bc i wrote it all very fast lol. i'm sharing bc why not *shrugs*

xxx

It hurts, to look at them.

Sasuke can’t help himself. Naruto is his best friend, after all, and he’s not yet so desperate that he’ll avoid him. It’s worse, somehow, that he can’t even dislike her.

She’s good for him, he thinks, when he’s feeling particularly self-deprecating. Her hair is dark and her skin pale as porcelain, and that’s where the similarities end between him and Hinata.

Sweet, and so patient with Naruto. Soft-spoken, but not a pushover. Impeccably dressed, always, no make-up needed to outshine any girl beside her. A picture perfect couple, that’s what they are. It wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t have to watch it unfold from the front row.

How her shyness turned to surety, how her eyes would catch on Naruto and look away before, but now – now she looks at him like he belongs to her, soft smile on her plump lips.

Sasuke can’t even hate her, and he wishes he could.

It’s not her fault that Sasuke is the way he is. She doesn’t know, isn’t doing it on purpose. And yet, there’s a stab to Sasuke’s chest every time she takes his hand, every time Naruto tucks her silky hair behind her perfect ear.

Naruto will kiss her cheek and Sasuke will be looking, always looking. His face devoid of emotion, his voice carefully neutral. He can’t be mean to Naruto’s girlfriend, though he wishes he could. Maybe if Naruto got mad at him and pushed him away, Sasuke would be free to move on.

It’s more likely that Sasuke would apologize and do better, and he’d rather spare himself the embarrassment.

Sometimes he imagines that Hinata will find out, that she’ll start treating him with suspicion, watch his every move with her wide eyes. Feel threatened by him. But Sasuke is no threat. He’s tired and hurting, but he’s not a homewrecker. It would be a lot easier if Naruto didn’t keep nudging him in Sakura’s direction.

It’s not Sakura’s fault, either. She’s dreaming of something she can’t have, and the similarities make him sick to his stomach.

Sometimes he thinks he’ll date her, live the lie to the fullest. Give her what she wants, since he’s doomed anyway. He doubts he’d last long, though. If he had even the slightest bit of interest in women – but when he looks at her, there’s just no attraction. He’s not sure how no one’s noticed yet. It’s not like he’s that good of an actor. He thinks the only reason no one’s figured it out is because he’s so deep in the closet, and they’re all so heterosexual. Why would they suspect he’s gay? It suits them better if he isn’t.

“Oh, I didn’t realize it was that late already,” Sakura says beside him, breaking him out of his thoughts.

The bar is lively around them, but the music is at a bearable noise level. She’s looking at her phone, frowning. On the other side of the small table, Naruto pouts.

“It’s not late!” he objects, the beer in his glass sloshing around as he waves his hands around. “We just got here!”

“We’ve been here for three hours, I think,” Hinata says, leaning her cheek on his shoulder.

Sasuke wonders how she manages, the way he moves around so much. Perhaps her body is as soft as her voice, easily following him.

“I told you I have to get up early tomorrow.” Sakura sighs, irritated. She fishes her bag up from the floor, putting her phone inside it. “I really have to get going.”

“I’ll walk you to the station,” Sasuke offers. Not because he particularly wants to, but he’s not in the mood to subject himself to third-wheeling Naruto and Hinata. “I should get going, anyway.”

“What?” Naruto looks disappointed, more disappointed than when Sakura announced her departure. “I thought you were free tomorrow.”

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke swallows down the last of his drink.

“Doesn’t mean I want to stay up all night,” he counters with, easing out of the booth. “I still have to study.”

“You study too much,” Naruto mutters, giving Hinata a smile like an afterthought when she squeezes his arm.

“Maybe if you studied at all you wouldn’t need to panic before every exam,” Sakura nags at him, coming around the table to wait next to Sasuke. “Some of us care about our grades.”

“Nerds.” At least Naruto looks a little happier, and Sasuke hates to think that it’s because he thinks anything’s going to happen between him and Sakura. “Don’t get lost, you two!”

They say their goodbyes, and Sasuke tries to pretend he doesn’t notice how Sakura’s cheeks fill with color when they step outside the bar. She’s put a jacket on, but Sasuke’s fine in his sweater. It’s not cold enough that her blush can be blamed on the weather.

“Thanks for walking me,” she says, hefting her bag higher up her shoulder. She’d joined them straight from the library, researching her latest paper. “You didn’t have to.”

“It’s fine,” he tells her, hands tucked into his sleeves.

He doesn’t want to run the risk of her attempting to reach for his hand. As much as he dislikes her attention, it’s safer if she thinks he’s just playing hard to get. He won’t have to explain, then, why he hasn’t outright told her to give up. He should, he knows. But Naruto would just nudge him towards some other girl, would bother him about it until Sasuke started going on actual dates. It’s touching, how worried he is over Sasuke potentially being lonely.

Too bad Naruto himself is the cause of it.

“You’re not doing anything tomorrow, then?” Sakura asks, stepping aside as they meet a group of half-drunk businessmen. “I’m working until five…”

It would be so easy to invite her out. To suggest a movie, or trying out that new café near campus. To watch her eyes light up with hope, watch her mouth stretch into an excited smile.

“I really do need to study,” he says. “And I’m almost out of clean clothes.”

None of it is a lie, technically. He’s just not sure he’ll actually do either of those things tomorrow.

“Oh.”

She tries to hide her disappointment, and Sasuke is an expert by now at pretending he doesn’t notice. They walk the rest of the way in silence, waving a quick goodbye at the ticket gates as Sakura’s train is due to arrive in just two minutes. Sasuke buys a drink from a vending machine and takes small sips as he waits for his own, mindlessly scrolling through social media. He almost ignores the text Naruto sends.

> Wanna hang out tomorrow?

He contemplates it. On the one hand, yes, of course he wants to. On the other, having an entire day to himself has its appeal.

> I’ll be busy

> Ooh, with sakura?

The train arrives, and Sasuke snags a seat next to a couple too caught up with each other to pay attention to him.

> No

> Got studying and laundry to do

The reply is instant.

> That’s too boring!!! I’m coming over for lunch

> Whatever

He pockets his phone, and stares down at the bottle in his hands for the rest of the trip. It doesn’t help against the warmth rising in his chest. At least he doesn’t do this to Sakura – doesn’t invite himself into her space, ignorant of her feelings. It doesn’t make him feel better.

xxx

Sasuke doesn’t have a lot of friends. He’s got Naruto, and then there’s his small group of friends from high school. Naruto is the only one who still lives nearby. Rather, Sasuke had ended up staying in Konoha like him. It’s a big enough city that most of his classmates are strangers, although slightly less so in their second year. He stayed with his parents for his first year, but when one of his cousins moved abroad for work he took the opportunity to stay at her apartment instead. It’s closer to his university, and if he, potentially, wanted to bring a guy home then no one would know.

He doesn’t think his parents would mind, but there wouldn’t be any privacy. He relishes in it, and Naruto does, too.

“I should just move in with you,” Naruto groans, spread out on his couch. “You wouldn’t believe how annoying my mom was this morning.”

“I think I can believe it,” Sasuke tells him, cleaning up after their lunch. “And just to be clear, I’ve never said you’d be welcome to live here.”

“Stingy,” Naruto grumbles. “How long is your cousin gone, anyway?”

Shrugging, Sasuke dries off the counter just for something to do with his hands.

“A year at least. We’ll see. So it’s not like I’ll be living here forever.”

“But still!”

“Where would you even sleep?”

Naruto happily pats the couch. When Sasuke scowls at him, he simply grins.

“Come on,” Naruto says. “I want to watch a movie.”

“I wasn’t lying when I said I need to study.”

Still, he gives in too easily. Naruto lifts his legs to give him room, dumping them all over Sasuke’s lap once he sits down. It’s things like this that makes Sasuke’s heart refuse to give up. He leans his elbow on the back of the couch, cheekbone pressed to his closed fist. He doesn’t say anything when Naruto picks a drama at random, letting him comment on the plot as much as he wants. Watching movies with Naruto is certainly never quiet, and he winces as Naruto kicks his legs as he shouts his anger at the main character.

When the movie ends, Naruto doesn’t start a new one. Instead he chews on his bottom lip, playing with the remote. Sasuke considers getting up to use the toilet, maybe suggesting going to the corner store for snacks, but then Naruto clears his throat suspiciously.

“What?” he asks, irritated when Naruto takes his time.

“So, how are things going with Sakura?”

He resists the urge to pinch his nose. He still lets out a heavy breath, not quite a sigh but close enough that Naruto frowns.

“I mean,” Naruto continues, “you could just ask her out. She’s definitely going to say yes.”

Sasuke shifts, uncomfortable. Naruto’s legs are still on top of his. His socks have little frogs on them.

“I’ve told you I’m not really into the idea of a relationship right now.”

“Uh-huh.” Naruto rolls his eyes, pushing himself up and finally removing his legs, crossing them at the ankles instead. “Sounds like excuses to me.”

“Just drop it, Naruto.”

“But if you get together things will be so much easier,” Naruto insists, poking at his arm. “We can go on double dates, and stuff.”

Sending him a glare, Sasuke pulls a leg up to his chest. It won’t prevent Naruto if he decides to get comfy on his lap again, but it might make him think twice at least. Naruto’s only wearing shorts, and all that naked skin isn’t good for his heart. It’s definitely too cold for it, but Naruto’s never been one to care about the weather.

“We already go places together.”

“Yeah, but it’s not the same!”

Sasuke pinches his lips, looking away. If he’s not careful, those large blue eyes will convince him to cave in, and then he’ll find himself with a girlfriend. He does a lot for Naruto, but there are limits.

“I’m not going to ask her out,” he mutters, knowing it will only lead to more questioning.

Sure enough, Naruto makes a noise of protest.

“But you haven’t rejected her either!”

“She hasn’t asked me out either.”

“It’s obvious she likes you.”

“That’s her problem.”

Naruto kicks at his thigh, using his heel. He looks properly annoyed now, as if Sasuke is a petulant child, refusing to do what’s best for him.

“If you got over yourself for a minute, you’d realize what a catch she is!”

He doesn’t reply. Let Naruto think he’s just stubborn, or an asshole, or whatever. Let him think Sasuke’s just stringing her along, keeping her attention while refusing to commit. It’s better than the alternative.

“Leave it, Naruto,” he warns, getting up and moving to the kitchen. “We’re not talking about this.”

At least Naruto doesn’t follow him, though it doesn’t make much of a difference. The apartment is small, no wall separating the kitchen from the living room. He searches through his cabinets, locating a forgotten bag of wasabi peas. He throws them at Naruto’s head.

“Eat these and shut up,” he says.

To his relief, Naruto does as told.

xxx

He picks up the call from Karin half-distracted, mind still stuck on a question for tomorrow’s seminar. As usual, she doesn’t wait for him to say hi, making her wince with the volume of her voice.

“Do you have any idea how tiring it is to listen to Naruto whine about you?” she starts with, the background noise suggesting she’s outdoors. “Can’t you just tell him you’re gay and put me out of my misery.”

“No thanks.” He drops his pen on his desk, rubbing at his eyes. He regrets not going to the university library, at least then he wouldn’t have been able to pick up the call. “Was that all? I’m kind of busy.”

“You know, this is exactly why I moved away,” she continues, ignoring him. “I thought I could get away from all the high school-level drama. Just get yourself a boyfriend, and go on those stupid double dates my cousin is so desperately yearning for. How hard can it be?!”

He can feel a headache incoming, and he rubs his fingertips between his brows. Naruto had sulked for hours the day before, until Sasuke got sick of it and threw him out. It was definitely backhanded of him to call Karin and complain.

“If you really wanted to be left out of it, why are you calling me? That’s the opposite of not getting involved.”

“Because it’s really painful and I’m morally obligated as the only person with functional brain cells to tell you to move on. Juugo’s too nice to say it and Suigetsu would give you terrible advice and sit back and watch. I’m being nicer to you than you deserve.”

“By telling me to move on,” Sasuke deadpans, wondering why his parents couldn’t have settled down somewhere else.

“Well, someone has to do it! Clearly I’m the gay cousin in the family, so you’re screwed. Might as well get over it and get laid.”

“I really hate you sometimes, you know that?”

She huffs at him, traffic and broken conversations filtering through the phone. There’s the jingle of a shop’s door, and the noise cuts off.

“Your pining is just getting sad,” she eventually replies, distractedly. “Trust me, I know my cousin. He’s not worth it.”

Something unpleasant churns in Sasuke’s stomach. He wants to argue with her that he is worth it, but he doesn’t want to land himself in an hour-long lecture if he can help it. He rolls his neck, making a face. She’s got a point, but he doesn’t enjoy hearing it. His life would be a lot simpler if he could find someone who made him forget about Naruto. He’s just not sure it’s fair to expect someone to instantly replace a lifetime of friendship.

“I don’t think I should have to come out just because Naruto irritates you,” is what he says instead, leaning back in his chair. “What if my parents find out and disown me? You want to be responsible for that?”

“Sasuke,” she sighs, “your brother is literally gay and your parents love his boyfriend.”

“So?”

“Stop. Making. Excuses.”

He bites his cheek, holding back a denial. He’s not worried about his parents, he’s worried about Naruto’s reaction. That things will change between them. That he’ll think Sasuke has feelings for him, which would be correct but would also ruin absolutely everything.

“I’ll… consider it,” he concedes, after a long silence, during which Karin has finished buying whatever it was she needed.

“Really? Because I’m going to hold you to that.”

He sighs.

“Next time I’m not picking up when you call me.”

xxx

A few weeks pass, and not much changes. Naruto still takes up too much space in his head and life, Sakura continues to drop hints but refuses to make the first move, and Hinata is still as lovely as ever. She doesn’t seem to have much of a personality other than being Naruto’s girlfriend, but to be fair Sasuke hasn’t precisely paid attention or tried to get to know her. Naruto’s birthday is drawing closer, and he can’t bring himself to do anything to break the status quo before then.

He’s been considering it, though. It would be a relief to stop pretending. He can’t imagine himself finding a boyfriend, though, because where would he even meet someone? It’s too awkward to use a dating app, and he’s not precisely social. He doesn’t have any experience, either, if you don’t count those childish games they played sometimes when they were younger. And that one time Naruto kissed him by accident when they were twelve.

Because of this, he’s really not expecting it when one day in class, just as the lecture ends, his eyes fall on the messenger bag that the guy next to him has just finished packing. There’s a rainbow pin on it, and Sasuke blurts out his question before he can stop to think about it.

“Are you gay?”

He only lifts his eyes from the pin when the surprised silence stretches out a bit too long. Their eyes meet, and the other boy is staring at him like he’s not sure how to react.

“Uh,” he says eventually, fingers clenching around the bag’s strap. “I mean, yes? But if you’re thinking about the pin it’s just a regular rainbow…”

He trails off, and Sasuke feels his cheeks heat up a bit. He can’t believe he just asked, when he himself has gone to such lengths to make sure no one made such assumptions about him.

“Sorry,” he apologizes. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s fine.”

Maybe he should know the guy’s name, but he doesn’t. He’s pretty short, hair dyed a light brown and glasses perched on his nose. Cute, but Sasuke’s not sure he’s his type. He’s not sure he has a type, other than Naruto.

“Are you gay?” the guy asks him, eyebrows rising above the frame of his glasses.

Sasuke licks his lips. He could say no, but to what end?

“I am,” he forces out, breathing in a deep breath.

“Oh.” There’s red color blooming on the other boy’s face, his eyes flickering to the side for a moment. “I was kind of hoping, but, um… I mean, hoping sounds weird! Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting you to ask outright.”

When Sasuke stands up, he realizes he’s almost a head taller than him.

“I’m Sasuke,” he offers, clicking his laptop shut and slowly sliding it into his bag.

“I know. I mean! I’m Hiroshi. Nice to meet you.”

Sasuke nods, and awkwardly turns to leave. Hiroshi stops him with a hand to his arm, though, and Sasuke swallows nervously as the turns back. He’s not interested in Hiroshi, not really, but he’s never been asked out by a boy before and the novelty of the situation is getting to him.

“Do you, um, are you busy right now? We could have lunch?”

He weighs the pros and cons in his mind. As nervous as Hiroshi looks, there’s a determined glint in his eyes that sways Sasuke over.

“Okay,” he says, and just like that he’s doing what Karin told him to do.

He’s trying, at least.

xxx

Over the course of a week, including having coffee together and a visit to the aquarium, Sasuke learns a lot about Hiroshi. Or Hiro, as he likes his friends to call him. They don’t have too much in common, but they’re both gay and studying agricultural economics. Once Hiro gets over his initial shyness, Sasuke finds he’s got a great sense of humor and won’t hesitate to poke fun at him.

It’s a breath of relief, to spend time with someone who doesn’t know him from before. He didn’t realize how much he needed it – just being able to be himself, without constantly keeping himself in check.

He can’t fool himself to think it’s enough to replace Naruto, but maybe he doesn’t need to replace him. Maybe it’s enough that Hiro seems to like him. He doesn’t really think about it, when he invites Hiro over on a Saturday night, after they’d had dinner at a nice udon place.

“Oh, wow,” Hiro says as he steps into Sasuke’s apartment, making an impressed face. “Nice place.”

“It’s my cousin’s, so no need to sound so impressed.”

Hiro rolls his eyes, taking off his shoes and jacket and following Sasuke inside.

“Alright, I’ll try to keep it in,” he teases, sitting on the couch when Sasuke motions him towards it. “But it must be nice, to have your own place like this. The dorms are fine, but I can’t exactly bring guys there.”

Humming his agreement, Sasuke grabs two cans of soda from the fridge, handing one of them to Hiro when he sinks down on the couch next to him.

“Want to watch something?”

Hiro nods, and Sasuke brings the TV to life. He’s not expecting anything to happen – they’ve only known each other a week. He’s still coming to terms with having a friend other than Karin he can talk to like this, and she doesn’t really count since there was never the potential for anything to happen between them. Hiro is… potentially someone Sasuke could date. At least there’s nothing wrong with him, not yet, and Sasuke’s easing himself into the idea of getting to know him better.

He finds a movie at random, some sci-fi that doesn’t look terrible. The movie turns into background noise as they talk, Hiro’s eyes watching his face more than the screen. It’s nice, in a new, exhilarating way, to have a guy’s attention on him like this. He’s not sure what to do with it. When Hiro moves closer, knee touching Sasuke’s thigh, hand resting on the back of the couch and occasionally touching his neck, Sasuke can’t find it in him to move away.

It feels like a secret, shared between the two of them. He thinks of Naruto for a long moment, allows himself the pain lacing through his chest as he imagines light brown hair replaced with blond, dark eyes replaced with blue. Then, he pushes it away, tells himself he can have this. The emotions are only his own.

It’s all happening too fast when Hiro grows bold, leaning in to press their mouths together, but he doesn’t care. It’s no one’s business if he spends the evening on his couch with a boy in his lap, a boy who isn’t his best friend.

The pain is easier to swallow if he tells himself that he’s the only one hurt.

[dragonkeeper19600]

What is the Medicine Seller?

The subjectivity of Mononoke is a large part of what makes the series unique. But, one of the biggest mysteries that the show leaves unanswered is what exactly the Medicine Seller is supposed to be. From his weird powers, traits, and appearance to the fact that he clearly doesn’t age, it’s an understatement to say that this isn’t a normal guy. All kinds of theories have been floating around about the Medicine Seller’s true identity, that he’s a onmyōji, a god, or some kind of benevolent mononoke. 

However, for my money, looking at all the evidence combined from the show and Japanese mythology, I’ve concluded that the Medicine Seller is most likely a kitsune. 

Now, I feel like most anime viewers have at least a cursory idea what a kitsune is, but just to recap: “Kitsune” (狐) is the Japanese word for fox. Traditional Japanese folk beliefs attributed all sorts of mysterious powers to foxes, including shapeshifting, creating illusions, and warding off evil spirits. Taking cues from ancient Chinese lore about fox spirits, kitsune have captured the imagination of Japanese artists and storytellers for centuries and continue to do so in the present day.

I’m far from the first person to come up with the “Medicine Seller is a fox” theory. It’s the only theory cited on the admittedly bare-bones Mononoke Wiki, and numerous commentators and Tropers have speculated that our favorite flamboyant exorcist might be a fox in disguise. So, allow me to take some time to display all the compiled evidence as to why I think this is the most plausible theory.

Let’s start with the obvious: The guy looks like a fox.

The red markings on his face are very reminiscent of the red paint you see on the traditional kitsune masks people wear around festival time. These markings are highlighted in the anime’s opening, so you can really see the similarity.

His long ears and fangs could also be considered vulpine.

The literature is rife with examples of foxy traits showing through a kitsune’s human disguise, especially when they’re startled or caught off-guard, such as ears, a tail, or canine teeth. We’ve never seen a tail on the Medicine Seller, but who knows what he’s hiding under that robe? I’ve also seen some sources claim that the tail will be revealed if you see the kitsune’s reflection or shadow. We haven’t seen either, so who knows?

Secondly, there’s a hierarchy to keep in mind when thinking about Japanese foxes. Some kitsune are holy messengers while others are malignant spirits that bring ruin to humans. Some are merely pranksters, using their powers to pull hilarious tricks on unwitting humans, sometimes to teach them a lesson but often just for shits and giggles.

Holy, high-ranking foxes are said to be messengers of the Shinto god Inari, the rice god and the patron deity of merchants and sword smiths. 

Pictured: A merchant with a sword.

Fox statues like the one pictured above can be seen standing guard in front of Inari’s shrines, where they are said to ward off evil. The A-to-Z Online Buddhist dictionary has this to say:

“[T]he fox is associated with the concept of Kimon 鬼門, literally “demon gate,” a Japanese term stemming from Chinese geomancy (Ch: feng shui). In Chinese thought, the northeast quarter is considered particularly inauspicious. It is the place where "demons gather and enter." This belief was imported by the Japanese and is referred to as Kimon. Kimon generally means ominous direction, or taboo direction. In Japan, the fox is considered a powerful ally in warding off evil Kimon influences. Fox statues are often placed in northeast locations to stand guard over demonic influence, and two foxes typically guard the entrance to Inari Shrines, one to the left and one to the right of the gate.”

He may not be a statue, but “warding off demonic influences” is basically half of the Medicine Seller’s job description. He often uses seals, salt, prayer, and other methods accessible to humans, but the Bakeneko arc of Ayakashi clearly shows he can keep a mononoke at bay just by flexing really hard. 

Yokai.com goes into some detail about the various ranks of kitsune, from the lowliest trickster to the most divine guardian. One rank of kitsune of particular interest to me is called the Kiko (気狐), a servant of Inari that has evolved to the point where it no longer has a physical form. Many Kiko adopt human disguises, but they have not yet ascended to a heavenly plane and so remain on Earth serving Inari’s will. 

We have never seen the Medicine Seller eat, drink, or sleep. There is, however, one physical need that he does indulge in.

If you get my meaning.

Pictured above is the Medicine Seller’s extensive shunga (春画) collection. Shunga is Edo period porn, and it wasn’t exactly uncommon for merchants to be carrying volumes of shunga on their person. However, 20+ volumes seems a bit excessive to me.

It’s a trait that doesn’t come up all that much in Mononoke, but the first episode of Ayakashi’s Bakeneko arc reveals that the Medicine Seller is a bit of a horny bastard. He trades info on various virility and fertility medications with Kayo, a conversation that involves a lot of whispering into her ear. He was about to share his porn with Kayo before they were interrupted. I’m convinced that if Sato had entered the kitchen ten minutes later, she would have found the two of them fucking on the floor.

As anyone who's watched Naruto can tell you, kitsune are often associated with sex. Inari, among other things, is also a fertility god, and there are many stories of kitsune adopting human form and seducing unwitting mortals, running the full gambit from the horrific to the romantic. A good chunk of these stories involve the kitsune marrying their human beau and even bearing his children in some cases. 

Most stories of this nature center on female kitsune, but it’s not like male kitsune don’t exist. The popularity of sexy fox women can probably be chalked up to male-dominated Edo society, but more and more male kitsune have been sighted in modern anime.

I believe we can add Mononoke to this number. Practically every woman in the series creams their pants at the mere sight of the Medicine Seller, and it doesn’t seem that their attraction is one-sided. The Medicine Seller has all kinds of sexual tension with Kayo in both series. And, if you look closely, you can spy some romantic tension with Ochou as well. There’s little doubt that the Medicine Seller is attracted to human women and is even capable of falling in love with them. However, due to his role slaying mononoke, it is unlikely that he can ever settle down and marry one the way many other kitsune do.

Personality-wise, the Medicine Seller is also reminiscent of a fox. Like I mentioned above, kitsune are often tricksters by nature. Although the Medicine Seller never acts in a needlessly malicious way, he does like to dick around with people. A lot of the aforementioned tension with Kayo takes the form of teasing banter. 

Keep in mind: It wasn’t him who changed the compass. Which means he’s being vague for no other reason except to mess with Kayo.

He also spend a good portion of his arc in Ayakashi trolling the Sakai household, especially Odajima. And do we even need to mention his gambit in the Nue arc? 

So, his appearance, relationships, and personality are all decidedly fox-like. What about his powers? Well, in the Nopperabou arc, we get a pretty clear hint that the Medicine Seller’s physical form is just an illusion.

The Masked Man’s attempt to take away the Medicine Seller’s face failed because that wasn’t his real face. He outright compared his face to a facade. Since it was just an illusion, it was easy for him to change it back. It should also be noted that the Nopperabou, the faceless ghost, often appears not as an independent spirit but a hilarious prank that other yokai like to pull on humans. Tanuki, Manji (badger spirits), and, yes, even Kitsune have used the image of a faceless human being to scare humans. This is getting into fan wank territory itself, but it is entirely possible that the Medicine Seller is all too familiar with the art of face removal, having pulled that trick himself in his younger days.

That the Medicine Seller’s body isn’t real could also explain the nature of his Other Self. During his first transformation sequence in Ayakashi (which is repeated in the Nue arc), we see the markings on his face and robes disappear.

Before gold markings reappear on his Other Self.

It might be possible to think of this “transformation” as more of a body surf. The flowing markings could indicate the presence of the fox spirit as it moves from one body to the other. This is a good time to point out that gold eyes are said to be another common trait of kitsune, and white fur is indicative of an Inari fox. The Other Self’s long white hair may be a hint as to his divine nature. 

Now, with all his powers and religious motifs, is it possible that the Medicine Seller is not a fox but in fact Inari himself? I did briefly contemplate that possibility, but I ultimately decided it probably wasn’t true. The Medicine Seller’s powers have limits that I feel a high-ranking god like Inari wouldn’t have. It looked like he did serious damage to himself trying to hold back the bakeneko in Ayakashi.

Ouchies.

Rather than being a human avatar of Inari, I find it more likely that the Medicine Seller is a kiko carrying out Inari’s will. In his first appearance in Ayakashi, some men spot the Medicine Seller standing outside the Sakai household, apparently talking to himself.

At the beginning of Mononoke’s first episode, he does the same thing outside the inn. His mouth is moving, but we don’t hear what he’s saying.

In both cases, the men who see him try to call out to him to get his attention, and in both cases he ignores them. He never says who he was talking to, and nobody ever asks. It is strange, however, that he always shows up just where a mononoke is going to be, even when he doesn’t seem to know anything about the mononoke before he arrives. Could it be he is actually receiving instructions from Inari? Inari might be telling him where to go, and the Medicine Seller figures out the rest from there. He can’t know about the mononoke’s form, truth, or reason yet, otherwise he’d be able to slay it right away. How else would he know where to go unless he was being told?

Of course, there are other possibility as to who he could be talking to. It could be his Other Self, if you hold the theory that the Medicine Seller and the Other Self are separate entities (which I don’t, so much). I also contemplated whether it was the sword he was talking to, but the sword is in the trunk. For my money, communing with a god seems the most fitting. 

According to Shinto beliefs, foxes can live for up to 1000 years, which would explain why the Medicine Seller is still around after centuries have passed. But, what happens after the millennium is over? At that point, a kitsune sprouts its final, ninth tail and ascends to the heavenly plain, leaving this earth behind. I personally believe that the Medicine Seller has been tasked to wander the earth for 1000 years, slaying mononoke until his time is up. At that point, he’ll become a being as powerful as a god, but until then he must learn to truly understand humanity. Only once he has become thus enlightened will he be able to ascend. 

This, I believe, is why the Sword of Exorcism can only be drawn once he’s learned the mononoke’s form, truth, and reason. He can only slay the mononoke if he comes to truly understand it and sympathize with it. It’s all part of a thousand-year long learning process in addition to aiding humanity.

And once he’s done, some day centuries from now, perhaps another young fox will take up the sword and walk through man’s despair, putting the souls of the anguished to rest. 

It’s a lonely destiny, but it has its perks.

頑張ってね。

[jacksgreysays]

Determined Clairvoyant, Misguided Knight brainstorm, (2020-05-29)

A/N: So I had a weird sleepless brainstorming/outlining binge last night, passed out and woke up to this chunk of nonsense...

I’ve been reading a lot of DCMK (Detective Conan and Magic Kaito) fic but also I am always a little bit thinking of DoS so my brain went:

Hey, Shisui and Shikako have very similar personalities to Kaito and Shinichi...

But Shisui is the detective and Shikako the thief.

And on the one hand, I was considering just translating it into the in Friendship Is A (Mutual) Con 'verse, such that Shisui is Interpol/FBI and ends up helping the crew because what they do is morally right even if it's not legal...

But it just wouldn’t be the same!

Also, for those who don’t know anything about DCMK, I’m not really using the Detective Conan premise (in which a famous teenage detective gets shrunken into a 6 year old and has to keep his identity secret while finding/dismantling the criminal organization that did this to him. In their defense(?) they were trying to kill him but used an “experimental poison.” They’re not going out of their way to randomly turn teenagers into kids... although there is another teenager that got turned into a kid by that same poison) 

But it is interconnected to the Magic Kaito ‘verse (in which a teenager discovers that his dad didn’t die in an accident but was murdered by a mysterious criminal organization (possibly the same one as in Detective Conan? we’re not sure) because he used to be Phantom Thief KID who was searching for a magical jewel called Pandora that supposedly grants immortality because said mysterious criminal organization wants it for nefarious means. Also the teen and his dad are stage magicians and make their heists very flashy and fun)

Anyway, personality wise I was really feeling the Shikako = paranoid/logical Shinichi vs Shisui = flamboyant genius Kaito contrasting with their arguable respective roles as Shikako = chaotic neutral regular rule breaker and Shisui = lawful good believer of systems if not authority.

I was considering whether or not I wanted to transplant the characters into the DCMK setting, but seeing how that’s just (arguably) modern day Japan I was a little... the adapting would be more work than its worth when really all I wanted was thief!Shikako and detective!Shisui and I also, as previously mentioned, didn’t want to just insert Shisui into the Fia(M)C ‘verse.

So then I remembered this ficlet in which Danzo successfully became Hokage but a mysterious figure (ie Shikako) is working against him and I was like. Okay, but reluctant detective!Shisui having to try to capture insurrectionist thief!Shikako is hilarious. And I know Shisui isn’t actually KMP in canon, but Danzo is Hokage which means the situation is bleak and I kinda explain everything below anyway, so...

Enjoy?

~

shisui is one of the oldest uchiha in the village because everyone older than him was executed by danzo for their (supposed?) attempted coup

doesn't particularly want to be a detective, but he's the only one left

sharp-eyed shisui? it is both mocking his singular eye but also he does end up being pretty good at investigation

Itachi is clan head and also one of danzo’s busiest anbu (because danzo is creepy and weird) and he’s being run so ragged that shisui stepped up to do it since he vaguely remembers the KMP’s protocols and also, with one eye short, his combat effectiveness isn’t as reliable

He hates not being able to be back up for itachi, but until he figures out the depth perception thing, he’d be a liability

Itachi is the only one with both eyes (again, because danzo is creepy and weird)

every time one of his younger cousins activate their sharingan, they are forced to undergo surgery because danzo harvests one eye from each of them

sasuke is the next upcoming kid

hikaku/sai was the most recent

Shikako is working reverse chronologically to restore eyeballs because they’re not exactly labeled but she knows the newest eye goes to the most recent activator.

This is how she gets hikaku/sai’s immediate loyalty (he has both eyes, but still hides one under his eyepatch/headband because if you can’t passive aggressively use danzo’s tricks against him then what’s the point? )

((also, it’s a real good dramatic reveal of how shikako gets shisui to trust her because he’s like “you’re stealing my family’s eyeballs and turning my little cousin into your spy” and then hikaku/sai just flips up his eyepatch and blinks both eyes at shisui and he just. “well, that was literally the only argument i had”))

Oh, the age of graduation is lower in canon because danzo doesn’t believe in coddling kids and also “back in my day” nonsense, so sasuke is maybe around 8?

kakashi is, like, a weird sticking point. he's the only non-danzo adult that has a sharingan and, hey, he's also only got just the one, but shisui also remembers the elders being a little weird about him so :shrugs:

I should figure out what to do with him, tbh

i mean, i know Shikako helps Naruto escape/evade ANBU capture because Danzo was going to turn him into a “proper jinchuuriki weapon” so maybe she throws him at Kakashi and is like “BABY SITTING DUTY FOR YOU, SAD STRING BEAN”

and there’s also Tenzo/Yamato to consider here

at first the thefts are random but escalating: old mission reports, the sandaime's novelty(?) crystal ball, the hokage's hat, the sword of the thunder god, etc, etc

then it becomes directed: sharingan eyes

Shadow Thief Shikako is here to make things real difficult for danzo

while shisui is trying really hard not to get smitten (even though she’s stealing his family’s eyeballs! but he guesses better than in danzo’s possession? he’s very conflicted emotionally and very stressed and also a teenager), shikako is recruiting allies for her coup

She needs to make a deal with the devil… Kabuto? For the medical expertise in how to re-implant all the sharingan she’s stealing?

He does spy on behalf of who he thinks is the strongest, and shikako is v strong by this point

Although, the whole concept of “you were the first person i ever wanted to murder” “you flatter me” is kind of funny

What is going on with orochimaru in this timeline?

For that matter, what’s going on with the other sannin?

hyuuga have weird feelings about the whole one eye stolen thing, branch family in particular because on the one hand: DOJUTSU/BLOODLINE THEFT is literally their big nono. But they do like being the strongest clan in the village now.

Is neji’s dad still alive? When did danzo become hokage? Is it before or after Hinata’s near kidnapping?

Ibiki, anko, aoba -- gotta figure out what’s going on there

Does aoba not have the crow summons since shisui is still alive?

Is aoba a surprise half uchiha?

Unsure how bleak i want things to be for the Nara clan. They definitely don’t like things, but i’m not sure if they’re also largely killed off, just shikaku, or just yoshino…… unless Shikamaru has been taken as Danzo’s apprentice/ROOT?

Something also has to have happened to the akimichi and yamanaka tho, in order to justify/reflect it

Team 10 is essentially being held hostage. Shikako has to “steal” them from Danzo in order to get the ANY clans’ cooperation

they’re allowed to visit their family once a week in order to get clan training, but it’s on different days from each other so the other two are still within ROOT’s grasp and the one who is visiting their family knows not to step out of line

Shikamaru has been trying really hard to help him and his teammates escape, but he’s only eight years old. I’m but a boy. I’m just a boy

There is a war.

I’ve decided this.

It’s the only way to make sense of why danzo is still in charge without him having killed a ludicrous number of people (more than he’s already killed, that is)

There is a war and that’s where the majority of the loudest dissenters are sent (inuzuka, aburame, gai, etc) and because they are always out on the front lines they don’t know how bad it actually is at home

Mist rebellion peeps?

Zabuza and Haku are still alive at this time, i guess

Terumi Mei--is there even a mist rebellion at this time or are they too busy with the war, too?

… Gelel/Sand?

look, magical gems are the crux of Magic Kaito and I know I’ve replaced them with Sharingan eyes, but still. If there’s a magical gem I feel like I’m obligated to at least mention it

also, Shinichi in Detective Conan ends up with, like, the most ludicrous allies over the course of the series. He is a--as far as anyone else knows--a 6 year old Japanese boy with connections to the American FBI. That’s nuts! So Shikako having allies with Mist or Sand isn’t too far outside feasibility in comparison

~

A/N: So... in theory I would like to come back to this and actually write it--because as far as sleepless brainstorming sessions go, this one is fairly coherent--but just in case I don’t, I figure people would enjoy this mess of an outline anyway. And it’s nice to have notes for later.

Title is, unsurprisingly, my attempt to make the letters DCMK apply to Shikako and Shisui. On the one hand, I know the quote is “and angry Aburame, a focused Inuzuka, and a motivated Nara” but I kiiiinda misremembered wrong and thought it was “determined,” fell in love with Shisui as the “misguided knight” and then only after went back to check and realized that it should’ve been “motivated”

Ah well

[definitelynotaminion]

A Study in Survival (Chapter 1/prologue)

It occurs to me that my ao3 is kinda divorced from my tumblr, so let me brag about my favorite fic on my dash! Linking it via ao3 isn’t as fun. Mostly I just want everyone to appreciate shirtless sweaty Sakura in a dragon-ball-Z style fight at the end of the world. It’s a time travel fic, as most of you know. TLDR Sakura is the only human left alive fighting against Kaguya, again and again for months. So, here is the first chapter finally posted on tumblr!!

There is fire. There is light. She is bloody wounds knitting closed as an afterthought, cold, meticulous and precise sacrifices of chakra for each hit, and the jarring impact of her fist shattering against a goddess' face.

The impact destroys the ground around them for miles.

She is rage, and desperation, and there is a yawning chasm of grief in her, as wide as the world is empty, that she refuses to let consume her.

There is a battle that is a war, an endless fight with an enemy that never tires, and she is alone.

Sakura doesn't remember much of what happens. She has been awake and engaged with Kaguya or her forces for days and weeks. Sleep is rare, stolen moments; each scrap and spare bit of chakra is ruthlessly hoarded and used as efficiently as possible.

She feels stripped down to the bones, ragged with all excess parts of her shorn away. Sakura survives. She fights. She bleeds. She survives.

Another cataclysmic exchange of blows. Around them the earth tries to shake apart. Localized earthquakes and tsunamis herald their blows; what's left of the topography of the planet flattens and crumbles in their wake.

Sakura is tired, though she can't afford to be. Every cell screams in her, a razor sharp focus and intellect bent on living. The beat of her heart in her breast is a desperate thing, a furious and urgent thing, the blood in her ears the only sound she can hear.

It is amidst the usual ache of overextended muscles, the mint-burn of healing, and the push and pull of attack and retreat, bestow damage and receive it, that something changes. Sakura has been a thorn in Kaguya's side for countless hours and sunsets, a snarling wolf that disappears just far enough to lick its wounds, gather resources, and slam back into the melee with a reckless abandon.

Sakura has been trying to kill an immortal for so long that it's all her body knows, and she expects this to be no different, though each hit, each jutsu, each glancing touch of her hand or weapon does devastating damage to the world around them because she refuses to give up hope.

It is a wild thing, a snarling thing, behind the breath in her lungs and the constant drought of her chakra system begging for rest, for replenishment. Her hope is more savage than Naruto's was, the constant belief that he could change the world; her hope is more ragged than Sasuke's was, the child's certainty that if he devotes himself to his goal he can fix things.

Her hope is more enduring than Sai's was, a fragile, just-born realization that life can be marvelous, that love can exist, that there is good in the world, and laughter, and beauty.

Sakura's hope is a bonedeep, feral warsong, a thrumming that gets her through the days, and the nights, that moves her body like a puppet on a string, that lets her heal and kill and force her body past its limits. It's a bulldog's jaws clamped tight on her goal, all thoughts set aside for neverending action, deliberation, movement; it's gravity, and the smiles she won't let herself forget, the dreams and ambitions of everyone she can remember wrapped tight but never safe in the core of her, every precious memory burned one at a time to keep it alive.

Sakura's hope is all she's got left.

So while she hasn't lessened her efforts to murder the being responsible for the destruction of all she loves-- if anything, it's the opposite, eclipsing her old limitations with every encounter, every waking moment, inching millimeter by bloody millimeter closer to her goal with each breath in her body-- she is a being of observations, of rationalization, of cool and collected deductions, lightning-fast assessments and reactions half the reason she's still breathing, and nothing in the encounter has led her to believe something has changed.

Sakura jerks back her fist in surprise, not quick enough to pull the punch but able to change the angle so that it slides past her opponent. In a quarter-beat she's a mile away, still high in the sky.

A mile is nothing.

Sakura turns mid-flight, eyes on Kaguya, feeling the change as it lurches through her body. Probably someone else might not have noticed, but no one else is alive; Sakura is aware of every iota of chakra in her body, and Sakura notices the moment it alters.

There's a new pathway where there wasn't before, like a jutsu half-forgotten, and chakra wants to curl out of her tenketsu, twist in just the right way to-- Sakura doesn't know, and has to stop the quicksilver flash of thought as a wave of Kaguya's hand sends black desolation winging toward her.

Sakura dodges, nimbly, tossing a shuriken that expands outward into a swarm, a flock of thousands, uses the moment's distraction to throw herself from a surviving peak to a valley far in the distance.

Her only saving grace is that Kaguya can't sense chakra, not when it's ruthlessly surpressed with Sakura's perfect control-- though the goddess is more than willing to burn the countryside to ash, destroy any cover, and force Sakura out.

She's learned to rest while running, take solace in the comparatively less exhausting labor of crossing ground faster than the winds of a rasenshuriken.

Kaguya can't-- or hasn't, at least-- used genjutsu on her. Perhaps she senses the futility of it; Sakura can sense the intrusion of foreign chakra on her system the instant it occurs, obvious as a drop of ink on a pristine scroll.

This isn't that; this chakra is hers and hers alone.

The sweep of white is her only warning, so fast her eyes can't resolve it into a shape; she doesn't wait for them to, moving back as far as a single leap can take her on instinct. It was a swipe of Kaguya's arm, her senses tell her later, but in the intervening time Sakura has ducked and parried three blows and flipped over a lake, its water rising on on either side of them like a welcoming hug.

Sakura punches the lakebed, lets house-sized boulders rise as asteroids, dances between them for a blink's cover before Kaguya obliterates them with a thought, not even rubble remaining. The skin on Sakura's arms informs her of the heat, even from her new distance. She's behind the goddess now, though-- not that it matters to her sight.

Merely, she's opposite Kaguya's direction of attention for a single moment, and in their battles that's an opening, forcefully torn.

It's a sweeping kick, a dynamic entry that flows into a springboard flip to get away, because any hit that doesn't connect is a liability. Any second of close combat is too long already, Sakura knows, and ruthlessly stifles the frustration in her throat as the move carries her away.

Away, away, away, the endless flight from an enemy too dangerous to engage, and too dangerous not to.

A bright flare of chakra from within her, yin and yang twisting without conscious direction, and it would be terrifying, this loss of control, if it wasn't infuriating. Sakura can't afford any moment of distraction.

She usually engages Kaguya until she only has the energy left for a desperate flight, a retreat to think on what she learned about her enemy during the most recent clash, painstakingly pieced together from the smallest of tells.

She might not have a choice, this time, though each moment of combat is precious, every encounter another chance to learn and capitalize on a weakness, build a strategy up from atoms, and--

Parry, parry, dodge; Sakura slips medical ninjutsu into her enemy's flesh, feels it catch beneath the skin, but where it should absolutely wreck the seemingly human biology, Kaguya shows no reaction.

Sakura keeps her curse contained to gritted teeth, reaches deep and pulls chakra into her hands. She doesn't have the luxury of handsigns, hasn't for longer than she can remember, so each jutsu has to be utterly mastered before she dares use it.

The upside is that she doesn't have any distractions.

It's water molecules slammed into each other, a tsunami raging out, and Sakura uses it to disengage.

She has to figure out what the utter fuck is going on with her chakra before it gets her killed.

The ball of water had been easier than normal, a prison called from the displaced lake, but before she's even ten miles away Kaguya has evaporated it. A rush of seared air, so hot there's not even steam, hits Sakura's back like a shove from a giant.

It spins her and she goes with it, knowing better to have her back to her enemy even as her skin erupts in burns, a line drawn of red drawn over her and erased just as smoothly by her own chakra in a countering wave. Her armor's lost but it did little, anyway.

A blur, and there's nothing to step off of; Sakura replaces herself with a piece of rubble in the distance, replaces again with one of her weapons from before, far enough away that her chakra rips out of her, a sudden void.

The same weird lurch as before occurs, infinitely more disastrous, and Sakura uses precious seconds reaching inward, a step she doesn't have to do ever, trying to isolate the cause.

It's elusive and Sakura would snarl if she wasn't taking to the trees with as little sound as possible, shoving down her chakra with an iron fist.

The hiccuping aberration refuses to be silenced. A frisson of fear lances through her, shock and dismay as a monsoon of wind tears at the forest, ripping trees out of the ground and into pieces. She leaps from trunk to trunk in the sudden tornado, dodging limbs suddenly as fast and dangerous as arrows from Sasuke's Susano'o, really snarling this time when one comes at her at such an angle that she has no choice but to slam her fist through it, giving away her position.

She has to dodge and weave, chakra still suppressed but for that little, disobedient curl directly in the center, and when she multitasks slinging a massive oak opposite the wind-- causing it to crash into its fellows with a sound like ten-thousand exploding tags--

now there's an idea--

and racing to the top of the atmosphere to get over the wall, she pokes at it, a stab of will.

Cooperate!

Instead it comes unraveled, a flower unfurling, and Sakura has just a moment to panic before the winds kick up, slamming her back down to the ground from the seven miles up.

She leaves a crater, leaves the crater barely after it's formed, narrowly dodging the fist dropped into the center of it after her.

The crater is suddenly four times as massive, force delivered with such speed that the landscape is just changed around them, the sound barrier breaking too fast to make noise.

Reinforcing and then still having to heal her spine, in the space between breaths, had taken approximately half of her chakra reserves, but while one part of her mind is cataloging reserves grimly, most of it is still reeling from the golden glow that is sweeping through her, that refuses to be tamped down, that is out of her control.

Fear quickens her breath, and Sakura rips a spear of a stick out of her shoulder, pressing one hand to the place where it impaled her. There's a feeling rising in her that begs to be a sound, a pulsing, a quickening, and she has no idea what it is, has no time to process as she runs for her life, dodging and weaving.

Kaguya has taken the displaced trees in her windstorm and is guiding them at the ground with a single gesture, each huge as only Fire Country trees get-- had they really journeyed so far east, again? The landscapes are mostly unrecognizable, all familiar manmade landmarks destroyed.

Sakura is forced to bob and weave, dart back and channel her dead teammate, be as unpredictable as possible because Kaguya isn't throwing trees at her so much as where she guesses Sakura will be.

Where such strength should shatter the trees upon impact with the earth, they're sticking in the ground like oversized arrows instead, and Sakura has precious thought to spare deducing how-- obviously, reinforced with chakra-- and how she can turn this around, use it as an advantage--

Maybe catch and redirect one?--

Too late, Sakura realizes this too could be a distraction, just as Kaguya puts a knife-hand through her gut and smiles, beautiful and serene.

Of course she hadn't needed to be physically directing the projectiles, huge though they were.

Sakura's muscles are suffused with deadly memory, though, and hadn't required conscious thought to react; nor had the sudden pain caught her off guard. Her arm had whipped around, tan skin brought to bear in a fierce lariat--

No time to remember Bee's smile next to Naruto's, so happy and sure--

-- even as her head whipped forward, one hard-headed jinchuuriki's move against another, back when the bijuu existed, when any village stood at all.

It's unexpected enough that Kaguya takes it, a forehead to the face, and Sakura smiles grimly through blood as she throws herself off the arm through her chest.

Healing it is something she does without a thought-- or really, isn't even something she does. The healing process starts on its own, fueled by her chakra. She could stop it, it's still under her control, but no command had to be given to begin it.

Thanks to the heatwave earlier, there's not even any fabric to get stuck in the wound, or stuck in newly healed flesh.

Sakura would love to capitalize on her enemy's moment of distraction, the sheer unpredictability of the headbutt that actually worked--

Her love for Naruto rears up like a wildfire, burning her inside out, so fierce an ache that it would unmake her if she were any less used to it, if she hadn't cried out all her tears back when the nights had numbers and the days had names--

-- but so big a wound leaves her with near-dregs of chakra left, just a little more than experience has taught she needs to escape.

It grates at her to leave Kaguya injured and as vulnerable as she ever gets, but-- it grated the first dozen times, too.

Sakura pushes on, ignoring the hurts she can't waste chakra to heal, as well as the blurred quality her vision takes, lines and spots erupting. That hasn't happened in a while-- either she's lower on chakra than her body can handle, right now, or--

She's just focused on real, true escape, fleeing with all the strength and speed she has, when the singed hair on the back of her neck bristles.

It's barely a warning, but it's enough.

Pushing off hard against the ground, Sakura hits the clouds again, arrowing through them even as-- yes, Kaguya slams air in the direction, dispersing the moisture in the air to either side of the horizon.

Sakura is already falling back down, using shaky wind manipulation to speed her flight, fist cocked back and slamming hard into the goddess' face.

Too late, she realizes that in the heat of the battle, deep in the familiar motions of retreat, distract, hit and run-- she'd reached for as much chakra as she could spare. She has perfect chakra control, a precise accounting of how much chakra she has within her at any given moment.

Never before has some of her chakra been off limits.

This chakra, burning gold, had come as readily to her pull as any.

The strange mix of yin and yang, erupted into being of its own accord, rushes to her toes and through her throat and up her arm, but it's too late, she has tolive.

Sakura slams her fist forward with a manic yell, has a split second to register the expression of pure shock on Kaguya's face as the punch connects--

And keeps connecting.

Sakura punches a hole in the space-time continuum.

Or at least, that's what she registers later.

In the moment, it's just a tear in reality, a sudden feeling of give to the air itself, which her fist carries her body through.

There's blackness, a kaleidoscope of color-- dizzying, rushing.

Gravity is suddenly different, pulling her every which way and no way at all, nothing and everything turbulent around her.

The golden chakra is singing through her, warm and wild and choking her, destroying all thought.

It threatens to destroy all sense of self, and that's when Sakura gets over her fear to push back. There's a spasm in the air, in the crowded void of creation, and a surge of-- something.

Sakura struggles for breath, only to discover there's no air.

A sense of urgency overcomes her, the mindless and frenzied struggle for survival, as she claws at her throat, forces her heart rate slower to preserve air, as desperation wicks away all thought.

Sakura has been alone for days and weeks and months, the last alive in a world torn asunder, and through it all hope has sustained her.

Endless and enduring, Sakura's hope is a snarling thing, a calculated predator, a living, breathing monster in her breast that demands survival, precision in all things, self-awareness, and burns a vigil of memories of her lost loves to force her into the best version of herself that she could be.

The vortex widens, or tightens, and Sakura refuses to let this kill her when nothing and no one else has managed, when there's still air in her lungs-- even if her vision is closing in, a blackness creeping in from the edges--

Or is that the tunnel?

A lurch, sickening and final, and spinning, dizzying wind.

It stops.

Sakura breathes.

[redvoid-40]

Chapter 2:

Hey! Here’s the second chapter! Hope you guys enjoy it! :D @demeterrist I’m tagging you because you seemed interested in this.  But let me know if you don’t want me to. :)

Fandom: Naruto

Fanfic title: ???

Chapter 2: Graduation Day

Genre: Friendship, Adventure, Hurt/Comfort

Word count: 1796

Warnings: none

Previous chapter / Next chapter

----

Today was the day. After two years of hard work, Shin was finally going to have the chance to prove herself and become a Shinobi from Konoha.

It hadn’t been easy. Before moving to the village, becoming a Ninja wasn’t something Shin had ever considered, so there was a lot of catching up she had to do to reach the level of her classmates. There were far too many sleepless nights studying Ninjutsu and Genjutsu, and even more long afternoons training her Taijutsu to make up for her lack of talent in the aforementioned two.

But it would be all worth it. She wanted to believe it would be.

Shin stared at herself in the mirror and took a deep breath. She was dressed in her Ninja attire: a gray heathered vest that she kept zipped halfway up, with deep pockets on the front and hidden pockets inside. She wore a orange tank top underneath her vest and matching wristbands, both a gift from Naruto. On her lower half she wore black pants tucked in traditional blue Shinobi sandals with a couple of kunai holders on her right thigh. Her light brown hair barely reached her shoulders, maintaining that length which was too short to tie in a ponytail and too long not to get in her eyes, so she pinned her bangs to the side with a couple of orange hair clips, while the rest of her hair reached the top of her shoulders in messy, thick curls. 

She was ready. She had to be.

Mama, Papa, I’ll make you both proud today.

There was a loud knock at the door, followed by Naruto’s voice.

“Shin-chaaaan! Are you up? We need to get going, believe it!”

Shin nodded at herself in the mirror and left her apartment.

Once they arrived at the Academy, Shin and Naruto were told to wait in class for their names to be called one by one. Naruto was called first, and Shin watched him go with a smile and good luck wishes. 

Left alone, Shin raised a hand to the nape of her neck and immediately started to loop her finger around one of the thickest curls in her hair. She always did that when she was particularly nervous.

As she waited for her turn, Ino suddenly flanked her side.

“Good morning, Shin.” The blonde said with a cat’s smile.

“Ah, Ino-chan, good morning! Ready for the exam?”

“Of course! I’ll ace it. What about you?”

“Well, I’m not 100% certain I’ll pass… but I’ll do my best!”

Ino’s smile softened slightly. “I’m sure you will. But there was something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

Shin’s smile didn’t falter. “Yes?”

“I noticed you’re letting your hair grow.”

“I am actually! Sometimes it can’t be a real bother though… These hair clips can barely hold my bangs. I tried wearing a headband for a day, but it felt really itchy.”

“Well, is there any specific reason you decided to grow out your hair?”

Suddenly Sakura appeared at her other side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Yes, Shin! Tell us, why did you start growing out your hair?”

Ino glared at Sakura over Shin’s head as the later lowered her gaze to the floor, feeling a blush creep up her cheeks. The pink-haired girl glared right back at the blonde. 

“Ah… you see… It’s a bit embarrassing.” Shin began, successfully catching both girls’ attention and making them fix their glare on the back of her head. 

“YES?”

“I-I noticed you were all were growing out your hair too… And you all look really pretty.” Shin began, face becoming redder by the second. “So I… I thought I’d try it out too.”

Sakura and Ino exchanged a look. 

“It’s not because you like Sasuke-kun, then?” The first asked, quite directly.

“Uh?” Shin let out, appearing every bit as confused as she felt.

“Oh, Sakura! You really have no shame do you?” Ino exclaimed, wrapping both arms around Shin and pulling to girl to herself. “Embarrassing Shin like that just because you were jealous!”

Sakura rose a fist at Ino. “You were the one that started it!”

“Yes, because I was curious as a friend! By the way, I really like your new look, Shin!”

“T-Thanks? I’m sorry, I didn’t want to cause any trouble between you two...”

“It’s not your fault, Shin.” Sakura reassured, still glaring at Ino. “It’s that Ino Pig’s fault!”

Ino pushed Shin to the side and got face to face with Sakura. “Who are you calling a pig, Billboard Brow?”

Immediately the two fell into one of their arguments as the rest of the class watched in a mix of worry and annoyance. Shin wondered if she should try and stop them, though she knew by experience that they’d fight until they were both tired of it, regardless of what anyone else said.

The door to the classroom opened them. Iruka-sensei took a look at what was happening and sighed before calling the next name.

“Next up, Uchiha Sasuke!”

Now, that put a pause on things as the two girls - and almost every other girl in class - yelled out a “Good luck, Sasuke-kun!”

Shin didn’t really understand what the whole hype about Sasuke was. Despite having a similar backstory as the boy she honestly found it difficult to even make polite conversation with him. He was too intimidating.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to call him a friend as well.

---

After wishing a few more minutes of waiting Shin was led into a classroom with only Iruka-sensei and Mizuki-sensei. The first smiled at her kindly. 

“In order to pass this test, you must create clones of yourself, Shin-kun.”

Shin gulped. Creating clones wasn’t her best technique but she thought she could manage at least a decent copy. Naruto on the other hand…

Naruto-chan, I hope you practiced.

“Whenever you’re ready, Shin-kun.” Mizuki-sensei spoke.

“Ah! Sorry!, Here I go! Bunshin no Jutsu!”

The teachers watched in slight confusion as Shin’s body flashed blue for a second before a clone appeared by her side. It was just one, but it stood tall and fully functional in front of them.

“Is that enough?” Shin asked as she dried the sweat off her brow. She really had a hard time with any kind of Ninjutsu. “I think I can do one more if you want.”

Please, say you don’t.

Iruka and Mizuki exchanged a glance and a shrug. 

“Your chakra seemed to falter for a moment there, but I’ll let it pass. The clone is good and seems functional. Congratulations, Shin-chan!” Iruka said with a big smile as he offered her a Konoha forehead protector. “As your teacher, I’m very proud of you. I’m sure you’ll be a great Shinobi.”

Shin blushed and grabbed her prize. 

“I’ll work hard, Iruka-sensei.”

---

Shin ran out of the Academy Building with her forehead protector in hand and a big grin on her face. Brown eyes darted from side to side, looking for a familiar head of blonde hair.

“Hey, isn’t that the kid who…”

“Yeah, that’s him. The only one who failed.”

“Serves him right.”

Shin knew that condescending tone, and even if she had never understood where it came from she knew exactly who it was directed at. Following the women’s line of sight, Shin found the person she was looking for, sitting on a swing with a sad look on his face.

Shin hid her forehead protector inside one of her pockets and took a step towards him.

“Narut-”

“Shin, we made it!”

Before she understood what had happened Shin had been pulled back by none other than Ino, who was grinning and jumping up and down in excitement with her hand clasped between both of hers. 

“Ino-chan, congratulations!”

“Tell me, where are you going to tie your protector? I was thinking of wearing mine as a belt!”

Shin smiled. “That’s a good idea. I think I’ll wear mine around my left arm-”

“Ah! Sasuke-kun! Congratulations to you too!”

Faster than Ino had grabbed her hand, she let her it go to run to Sasuke, alongside the other girls in class. Shin sighed but couldn’t help the amused little curl of her lips as she watched them. She didn’t understand their crush on Sasuke, but she couldn’t deny it must be nice to care about someone like that.

Shin turned back to the swing where Naruto was. To her surprise though he wasn’t alone anymore; Mizuki-sensei was talking to him.

And just as she was about to walk towards them, they left.

That’s weird.

---

Shin had looked for Naruto everywhere. She went to Ichiraku, his apartment, her apartment, the Hokage Rock, and nothing. The sun was already setting and there was no sign of the blonde.

Until nightfall came and with it a desperate-looking Iruka knocking at her door, pulling her away from her lute-practice.

“Iruka-sensei, what time is it? Did something happen?”

“Shin-kun! Do you know where Naruto is?!”

The girl’s eyes widened as worry immediately gripped at her heart. “I haven’t talked to him since before the Exam. Did something happen to him? Is he alright?!”

“I can’t talk about it right now. I need to go!”

Just as Iruka was about to jump off Shin grabbed the back of his vest.

“Iruka-sensei, I saw Mizuki-sensei talking to Naruto-chan after the Exam. They ran off before I could talk to them.” Shin spoke, voice hiding nothing of her anxiety. “I don’t know if this is of any help but… I thought it strange. Mizuki-sensei never was one to talk to us after class like you usually do.”

Iruka frowned at her words. “I see. Thanks, Shin-kun. You go back inside and I’ll find Naruto, alright?”

Shin nodded. “Let me know when you find him. I’ll be awake.”

---

The sun was starting to rise in the horizon and Shin hadn’t slept at all. It wasn’t uncommon for her to suffer from insomnia, but it was the first time she had been propositaly depriving herself from sleep. She brewed green tea and coffee, paced around her apartment and practiced playing her father’s old lute.

Naruto-chan, Iruka-sensei, where are you two?

The girl sighed and put her kettle back on the stove, ready for her second pot of coffee, when there was a knock at her door.

She ran to it and pulled it open desperately, almost tearing the thing off its hinges. What met her eyes was a surprised Iruka-sensei and a sheepish-looking Naruto.

Naruto was wearing a Shinobi forehead protector.

“Sorry to worry you, Shin-chan. It took me a little longer, but I caught up to you. Believe it!”

Tears overflowing from her eyes, Shin smiled and pulled Naruto in a hug.

“I never doubted you would, Naruto-chan.”

[scenariosofkonoha]

How would Naruto be like when his daughter is dating someone? And how would he react to her getting her first period? If you can answer this, please.

Hey Anon! It was my pleasure to answer this! It was fun to think of Naruto this way. He’s just a dad doing his best. Thank you so much for the ask and I hope you like it! ~ Admin Little Lace 🎀

Dating

Naruto Uzumaki is an optimist through and through. So when he originally found out that he and his wife were expecting a daughter, he was over the moon. No matter the stories and warnings about raising girls, the once knuckle head ninja was undeterred.

“I survived. Sakura and Grandma Tsunade. How bad can it be?”

Answer: He is woefully unprepared.

From the moment the newborn squinted at him, he was wrapped around her little finger. She was his precious baby girl, the light of his life. A perfect little angel that could do no wrong, and would remain that way

So when she turned 5 and declared:

“I have a boyfriend”

The man damn near had a heart attack.

“B-b…boyfriend?” the “well feared” shinobi squealed.

“Uh-huh,” the whisker-marked girls spoke, rocking from heel to toe restlessly. “I love him, you know?” the more excited the miniature Uzumaki grew, so paler did her father. The girl’s mother was no help, covering her laughter at her husband’s expense.

“Boyfriend?”

“Yes daddy,”

“Boyfriend?” he parroted now to his wife who rolled her eyes.

“Yes love,”

“Who?” he frantically asked his daughter pulling her. She smiled brightly, mistaking the man’s panic for enthusiasm.

“Kiba,”

It takes Naruto a few stressful minutes to assess that it’s just “puppy love” (A term he was not thrilled with) and it was not serious.

This didn’t stop him from giving the Inuzuka a dirty look every now and again.

Since this incident occured Naruto didn’t freak out to much when he caught wind of any of the girl’s crushes. The girl’s boy crazy stage not breaking the man as everyone would have thought.

And yet each boy strangely became afraid of the jinchuriki Something about the dark look in his eye. Weird, you know?

Naruto is very protective over his daughter. He wants her to live her best life, he wants her to be happy. But he knows what boys her age think about. Probably better than most.

Jiraya was his sensei after all. He remembers training on those “research trips”. And he would be damned if any over sexed boys even so much as thought about his daughter in such a way.

Yet it isn’t exactly all consuming fear, they don’t think Naruto will hurt them. In any other respect the Hokage is well loved and admired. But if an eye even wanders in her direction, a dark essence comes from the friendly nin that resembles some sort of demon.

With all provisions on making sure his daughter was safe, and every boy on her team and in her class was afraid of him, he is taken a back when she comes to him with a request.

“Dad, I want you to mean someone.”

“Sure, honey.” he answered half heartedly. His attention stolen by the stack of mission reports. The hokage’s daughter looked to his advisor. Shikamaru gave a heavy sigh, rolling his eyes.

“Naruto, don’t you want to know who it is?” the shadow-nin prompted, trying his best to pull his friend from his work.

“Of course,” the words not holding much weight with his head buried in work. ‘Who is it?”

“My boyfriend,” For a solid half a minute the seventh Hokage continued with his work. His companion’s watch as his eyes scanned the scroll. Then suddenly he stopped, attention shifting quickly to the kunoichi. Blue eyes slowly squinting before popping open fair too wide.

“Boyfriend?”

“Yep,” the girl answered. This was a far cry from her five old excitement. There was an easy smile and something else…a glow, his little girl had a glow. Naruto’s stomach dropped.

“Who?”

“You wouldn’t know him,” the chunin’s smiled formed into knowing smirk. “He’s from Suna,”

The littlest Uzumaki isn’t stupid. Though it may have taken time, she could figure out what her father was doing. It starts to make sense when every time her team reported for a mission they went from smiles to pale faces and averted eyes. So it was only natural that anyone she showed real interest in was more than likely going to be from another village all together.

Naruto, for his part, doesn’t know what to do. Between working to keep the boys away and keeping his daughter safe. He hadn’t planned for when she actually had a boyfriend.

The Shinobi is the father that forgets his daughter isn’t a child anymore. Successful Kunoichi? Yes. Capable woman? Debatable but yes. But she was still his little girl. Who was dating…

Was he prepared for that?

“Soo…you’ll meet him?” he supposed he’d have to be.

“Sure, I will.”

Naruto will give that boy the hardest of times. If they are a ninja he will pull his file. If they are a civilian he has had the ANBU make a file. He’ll know everything there is to know about his daughters new beau. Said new beau would probably already be nervous to begin with in meeting the Hokage. The Jinchuriki would insure that he would be constantly on edge, testing to see if he is worthy.

It may be a bit excessive, and more that intimidating. But chances are it won’t last long very long. At his core, the blond-nin is a kind soul. Whoever has his daughter’s heart, there is a high probability he’ll grown to like him too. He wants his daughter. and if this person make her happy, who is he to stop that?

This being said, the person that breaks her heart is in for it. Nothing on this planet will save the from the wrath of Naruto Uzumaki. Nothing. And with his tenacity, they wouldn’t be able to hide either.

1st Period

As a boy, there was no reason, in his mind, why Naruto would need to know about the female body. He was given the talk and knew where babies came from, but didn’t understand all the mechanics.

And he didn’t really get it when his S/O explained it when they started dating. Hence his infamous:

“Oh, you’re on your period!”

That he exclaimed in front of Kami and all his witnesses in the market. He hadn’t meant to embarrass her. They both knew that. But still they had decided after their daughter was born that his wife would cover the discussion of that subject.

So it came as a surprise when, just his luck, his wife was on a mission when the gift of nature arrived.

“Hey sweetie you feeling okay?” the man’s sleep graveled voice croaked as he poured her cereal  into the bowl. Turning her head from it’s place resting on the table, her eyes met his. Placing the back of his head on her head the shinobi observed her. She wasn’t warm but her eyes were a bit unfocused.

“Not really my stomach feels weird.”

It had started of with her just not feeling well. But with no visible signs of illness the man isn’t see what to do. Naruto can be a bit of a worry wart when it come to his child. To make sure she is alright, he even tries to work from home. Not amount of work would allow him to leave her alone, especially when her mother is away from the village.

Not knowing but she has he just has her rest. He’ll check up on her every so often. Since she has never felt this before she can’t explain it, concerning him all the more. The mystery makes him a bit anxious. If she gets any worse he promises to call grandma Tsunade.

Upon checking on her one more time, he receives a shock.

“I think I’m bleeding.”

Being a survivor of a war, Naruto begins frantically looking for a wound. When he doesn’t see an outward one, and paired with his daughter’s uncomfortable look, it dawns on the blond-nin what is going on.

To the best of his ability he will try to explain what is going on with her body. He doesn’t understand the terminology fully and keeps doubling back to describing things. It is painful to listen to but humor to watch the savior of the village try to get his bearings.

After a bit her realizes the problem at hand and tries to handle it. His “handling” of it is going through a box of feminine products and reading the directions out loud as he figures out how to help. After failing to explain tampons without sounding confusing her instructs on pads.

“Sticky side down,”

His performance bringing laughter from his already dumb founded daughter. For Naruto laughter is good. She can’t freak out or cry if he makes her laugh. Laughing himself brings ease as he goes to reassess the situation. By reassess he means send a clone to go to Tsunade to help with the strange stomach pains.

When the clone goes to consult Lady 5th, the main body does what he can for his daughter. Taking from what he would do for his wife, He gives her tea and a heating pad wrapping her in a blanket.

Not knowing what else to do, he sits with her, doing his best to make her comfortable. Her father has been busy lately he takes the time to catch up with his daughter. The whisker-marked duo filling each other in on the smaller events that had transpired as of late.

The clone returns with herbal tea and a bottle of medicinal herbs for the “stomach ache” that Tsunade correct informs him are called cramps. The former hokage also informs him that she’ll be over after her game.

The instructions are simple enough, now all Naruto has to do is figure out how much to give her.

“It goes by weight,” the man read the note looking down at the bottle. “So…um how much do you weigh?”

“How much is it per pound?” the be-whiskered girl questioned back. Her father frowned as he concentrated a little too hard on the note. The man’s elongated “Uh…” made his daughter less likely to take anything he was giving her.

Being a jinchuriki sort of cancels out the need for run of the mill medicines. So unfortunately Naruto has no clue how to administer the proper (and non-lethal) amount of medicine.

Another clone is sent to Sakura. This one returns with all of the herbs separated into doses with instructions on when and how many times it can be taken.

After quite a while, when her card game had ended (and she was broke), Tsunade came to check in on the girl. The Lady 5th finds bother her and her father past out on the couch. The low coffee table covered in empty ramen cups forgetting chocolate wrappers and sticks from Popsicles. All of them signs that the 7th Hokage had tried his absolute best to make his daughter feel better.

Tomorrow the Sanin would check in on pseudo-granddaughter. For now she would let the two of them sleep.

[7team7]

SasuSaku Month Day 7: One of These Nights

Title: Sasuke and Sakura’s Night Out! // Rating: M (drugs, language) // Summary: Sakura and Sakura don’t get out much, but just one night is enough to make up for a lifetime of staying in. Very much inspired by my love for both the movie booksmart and those memes where it’s like aren’t you tired of being nice? Don’t you want to just go absolutely fucking feral? Yeah, nerd SasuSaku going feral basically // ao3 link 

A/N: something to make up for yesterday’s angst, this was a ton of fun to write!! Also why do i keep writing things i dont know about?? Idk anything about the good old mary jane or drugs in general lol but just go with it this isn’t really supposed to make sense Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto, Booksmart, or anything mentioned in this story. I’m just a wee speck of dust in the universe

----

“One of these nights we should do something actually fun.”

“Since when did watching movies with me stop being fun? Did you want a snack or something? I saw that post you tagged me in this morning, I guess we can build a blanket fort on the trampoline, but you can’t complain about it being cold.”

Sakura sat up from where she was lounging on Sasuke’s bed, staring at the wall. “Now that you mention it, I could go for some boba. Or an edible.”

Sasuke, sitting in his bean bag, stared at Sakura in disbelief, “do you even know what’s in those?”

Sakura straightened up even more and looked down haughtily, “of course I do. Naruto told me a long time ago. And doesn’t a brownie sound so good right now?”

“Sakura, you got drunk off a few sips of your Aunt Tsunade’s rice wine and you’re telling me you want to get high? We’re about to go to college and you want to fry your brain?”  

“We’re about to go to college and we’ve never done anything. Do you know how lame that is?”

Sasuke seemed to contemplate Sakura’s words for a moment before giving her a wolfish grin, sounding every bit the teenage boy he was, “that’s not true. We’ve done stuff. We’ve had sex. Lots of it.”

One of Sasuke’s pillows sailed across the room towards his face, accompanied by a screech, “I knew it, I knew you’d say something dumb! What does it matter when you’re already a stupid boy with no brain. Those ads are totally false, by the way. What’s the harm in trying weed, Sasuke? I wanna try, so you should do it with me.”

Despite being the captain of the speech and debate team, he couldn’t find anything to argue about. He texted Naruto; at least he could trust their “plug” or whatever he’s called by half the school.

Except, they actually couldn’t because he was somehow all out and directed them to Kiba instead.

“Seriously? We’ve known Naruto, like, forever? And he lets us down now? Kiba is smelly and weird. His weed probably...smells like weed.”

Sakura doesn’t let up, “just text Kiba, he’s not that bad. Don’t be lame.”

“What should I even say? Leaf emoji? Side eye emoji? Plug emoji? Is he going to give us a friends and family discount?”

“Sasuke, I know you love using color coordinated spreadsheets to organize your life, but now is not the time. Mention my name. Maybe he’ll give us a hot girl discount.”

“I just sent him ‘weed’ with a question mark. Oh, he already responded. He said come over right now and he’ll ‘give us the hook up.’ Sakura, does that mean he wants us to have a threesome with us?” Sasuke asked with false, exaggerated concern.

That earned Sasuke another pillow thrown at his face (this time it’s his favorite dinosaur plushie) before Sakura gets to her feet and announces with a rather dramatic clenched fist, “get in the car, we’re going to Kiba’s.”

----

“Yooo, Sasuke! Woah! And Sakura? The Kiba Hut is going to have a blessed night if these two legends are here! Come on in guys, we’re having a kickback.”

As Kiba opened the door wider to let them in, a haze of smoke wafted out and the smell hit them like a wall. They had definitely come to the right place.

They saw Kiba’s usual crew, Hinata and Shino, sitting on the couch looking very blissed out already, along with a number of other kids from their school. Sakura checked her phone, isn’t it like 9 pm? Is this late or early for this kind of stuff?

“My guy Naruto told me you’re here for some famous Kiba Hut edibles, and like, welcome to the bake sale, but I’m telling you man, you gotta try the newest from Shino. Shit’s dank, bro.”

The couple turned away from Kiba to look at Shino sitting there with his sunglasses still on despite being indoors. He raised a single hand in greeting, then gestured to a plate of brownies plus something less familiar in front of him. “The new goods or pot?”

Sasuke looked disturbed by the sight and was about to say “neither” before Sakura elbowed him sharply in the side, “we’ll take both!” she cut in with a big smile.

“Adventurous! I fucking love it! Man, you kids are too cute, I’ll give it to you real cheap. You got Venmo?” Kiba pulled his phone out to start the transaction.  

Sakura glanced around, they had never been to Kiba’s house before, so this was a new experience all around. She spotted a bowl of water by the kitchen, “uh, can dogs get high?”

Kiba laughed, “you’re probably wondering where Akamaru is! He’s chillin’ in the backyard. He’s cool with it though, he’s a total bro. He’s got hella treats out there, we’ve got hella treats in here. Equality, you feel?”

“For sure, for sure. I’ll just approve the charge now and we’ll be on our way!”

“Not so fast you two! Here at the Kiba Hut, we support tripping out in a safe environment, so you should take Shino’s new-new here.”

Sasuke and Sakura exchange glances. What did they have to lose?

----

Well, for starters, their grasp on reality.

They sat at Kiba’s kitchen table to take what Shino gave them and saved the edibles for later. And it was like nothing they had ever experienced.

“Sasuke. Your eyes are really red. Like not just the whites but your uh, pupil or whatever is the colored part.”

Sasuke rubbed at his eyes, “no they’re not. I can see them. So I know they’re not red.”

“Uhh, okay? They totally are though. And..did your head get bigger?”

“No but yours did. Ha, if only Ino was here. Hey, forehead. Wait—what the fuck, when did we get so small?”

“Oh my god, you’re so cute. You’re so short, Sasuke, you’re so small!”

*A/N: please imagine them as the SD versions of themselves*

Sakura started scooting forward on her chair. “What do we do now? How do we get down? We’re so small. We can’t stay here. What the fuck is going on? What did they give us?”

“It’s so hot in here. What did Kiba say about getting ready to hot box? What does that mean, like sweaty boxing? Where’s our water?” Sasuke looked up to their glasses of water on the table, which seemed miles away in their shrunken state.

“There’s no way we can reach up there. My head feels too heavy for my body, I’ll fall over if we try to jump.”

“Shit. Shit, okay, take your jacket off, first of all, am I the only one melting? Are the walls melting? Just throw it on the ground and to make a cushion. I’ll throw mine down on top and we can jump down.”

“Are you insane? What if we die?”

Sasuke gave Sakura a judgemental look, “we might as well be, I’m so fucking high! Just jump, I’m sure it won’t be that bad. Plus, I’ll go first and I’ll catch you,” he finished with a wink. He threw his jacket down on the floor with a pointed expression. A burgundy cardigan soon followed. And Sasuke jumped.

A voice sounded from below, “it worked! I made it! Jump now!”

Somehow Sasuke’s now doll proportion arms caught Sakura despite her now huge head. He set her down and started looking for the exit. There was no way they could push the kitchen door open, and he didn’t even want to see Kiba at the moment. It was so hot in the kitchen, he just wanted to get out of there.

“Sasuke! There!” Sakura pointed across the kitchen to the backyard. The doggy door.

“Fucking score! Let’s go.”

He grabbed her hand and they scurried across the tile as fast as their little legs could take them. But they needed to climb up a small threshold to get through the door, and the run combined with the heat of the kitchen had really drained them. They exchanged a look. Desperate times called for desperate measures. Akamaru’s dog bowl was full of water.

“Give me a boost!” Sakura told Sasuke as they faced the metal bowl. The way the metal warped their reflection made her feel even more tripped out, if that was possible. She just needed water now.

Sakura climbed up onto Sasuke’s clasped hands, grabbing onto the edge of the bowl. She held herself up on the edge and dipped her head to take a cool, refreshing drink.

Except her mouth encountered strands of white dog hair floating all around the water. She nearly toppled backwards as she tried to spit it all out, “ew, ew! Disgusting!”

Sasuke lowered her and asked as if it wasn’t already apparent, “so I’m guessing I shouldn’t drink the dog water?” She shook her head, “let’s just go outside.”

They walked to Kiba’s lawn and collapsed. It seemed like the sprinklers had just finished their cycle, so the cool, wet grass was a welcome change from the stuffy kitchen. “Sorry for dragging you here. I didn’t think it would be like this,” Sakura spoke quietly. Sasuke was a bit of a homebody to say the least, so when he didn’t have a good time during their outings, she always felt guilty for pushing him too far for comfort.

But he didn’t care as much as she always thought he did, he just enjoyed spending time with his girlfriend. They would both cherish these memories in the future since they were attending separate colleges. “It wasn’t that bad. Makes for a good story, I guess.”

Except the night wasn’t over, because a deep growl sounded from the shadowy corner of the yard.

Sakura bolted up, “Akamaru?!” before Sasuke dragged her back down, “are you trying to get us eaten? Keep quiet and just run!” Sasuke pointed to the side gate and without another word, they made a break for it. They didn’t bother locking the gate up again, too intent on getting the fuck out of there.

Sasuke took one look at his car and said, “nope. I’m not getting in that thing. We’re still coming down and it’s not safe. What if I get a DUI? What if we die? My dad would kill me either way.” Sakura nodded along as they started walking down the street, not another soul in sight.

Konoha wasn’t a huge town, despite never visiting Kiba’s house before, they could easily make their way back. “Hey, the park isn’t that far away. We could go sober up there then come back for your car?”

----

It seemed like whatever Shino gave them had mostly worn off during their walk and their stone bench looked more inviting than ever. They had shared countless moments there, from their first kiss, to their first “I love you”. They even opened their college acceptance letters there. Sakura swung her legs back and forth on the bench, “You know, I still have the edible in my bag. Should we?”

Sasuke ran a hand through his midnight hair, “Jesus fuck, alright. We’ve gotten this far and I know you wanted to try it. We can split it.”  

They had been sitting and talking for quite some time when Sakura started giggling more and feeling some type of way. “Woah. Is this why half our classmates came to school high everyday? What have we been missing?”

Sasuke’s eyes were half lidded as he slouched on the bench, “maybe Naruto is actually onto something. We should call him. Haha. Naruto. What a loser.”

Sakura started patting around her pockets to call their friend, “Sasuke. I think I left my phone in my cardigan pocket, which we left on the kitchen floor. Fuck, I’m so stupid,” but she was still laughing a little and Sasuke just shrugged. “It be like that. I left mine too. We can get them later and we can call Naruto later. Life is so chill.”

Sakura smiled, “exactly, it really do be like that. And life is so chill. Like woah. Are you hungry by the way?” Sasuke perked up a bit and nodded, “starving. Ichirauku is just around the corner.”

----

Sitting in the vinyl Ichiraku booth waiting for their cheeseburgers, Sakura was relieved to be somewhere she’s familiar with. But then she spotted a face she’s very familiar with after years of sleepovers and flower shop visits: Ino’s dad. She ducked down started tapping her palm the table, “Sasuke, don’t look, don’t look, it’s Ino’s dad. This is terrible, he’s like a fucking mind reader or something he’s totally gonna know we’re high.”

“Can you stop, he’ll look this way if you keep making noise. Just be chill or something.” He couldn’t help but steal a glance over his shoulder to confirm if it really was Inoichi. “Holy shit, wait. Is that Shikamaru’s dad?”

Sakura craned her neck to see over Sasuke’s head, “it totally is! And they’re with Chouji’s dad too! This is crazy. If they see us they’re gonna tell my mom. And then I’ll be on permanent house arrest.” She sank lower into her chair until her pink head rested on the table.

Sasuke placed his chin on his folded hands. He had endured enough shenanigans for one night, it was time to just wait this one out. Once he got his cheeseburger with extra tomatoes he was ready to go home and knock out.

Except Chouza’s laugh carried across the diner, and so did his booming voice, “just like the old days, right guys? We still get the munchies!”

Sakura perked back up when she heard this, “did he just say the munchies? Oh my god, Sasuke they’re high. They probably smoked weed and now they’re here because they have the munchies. Just like you and me. This night is too fucking weird.”

Thankfully as the trio of dads was about to walk out with their food to-go, the waitress arrived with their order and blocked them from view. The pair ate in relative silence, glad for a moment of calm. But it didn’t last because not long after the dads left, another familiar figure walked in.

“Sakura, you’ll never fucking believe it. Actually just look, it’s Kakashi.”

She whipped around to see that it really was none other than their favorite literature teacher. She waved him over without thinking twice and Sasuke kicked her under the table. “What are you thinking,” he grits out. Kakashi was cool, hell, cool enough to let everyone call him by his first name, but he was still their teacher. An adult who worked for their school. Someone who could totally get them in trouble. Like, worse than detention, and they’d never even had detention.

“If it isn’t my favorite students,” Kakashi smiled as if seeing them outside of school was a perfectly normal occurrence. “What are you doing here?” Sakura questioned innocently, as if it wasn’t well into the night and she didn’t reek of weed.  

“Picking up some food,” he answered matter-of-factly. “I could ask the same of you two, you’re normally home studying at this time of night, am I wrong?” Nope, he was 100% correct.

Sasuke chose his words carefully, “tonight has been an anomaly. But I am ready for bed now.” Kakashi nodded, “I see. You look like you’re done eating, so it won’t be long now. Drive carefully.”

The students exchanged a look before Sasuke swallowed his pride and started to beg as best as he knew how, “please, can you drive us home, we walked here from somewhere else and I don’t feel comfortable operating a motor vehicle in my currention condition, if you know what I mean.” Kakashi considered the two of them. They were certainly acting strange. Was Sakura trying to wink at him or was that a nervous twitch?

His eyes crinkled, “one ride won’t hurt, it’s late and what kind of teacher would I be if I left my students out to fend for themselves? I’ll just pick up my order and we can leave.”

----

They got situated in the car, just to find their former elementary school teacher Iruka sitting in the passenger seat. Sakura’s jaw dropped as she looks between Kakashi and Iruka. “You,” she points to the gray haired man, “and you?” she points to the ponytailed man. “Huh,” added Sasuke, “I thought Iruka hated tardiness, but Kakashi is late to class everyday.”

“Honey,” Iruka laughed nervously, “did you not tell your students about us? You always call them your precious students, I mean, I thought you’d tell at least these kids and Naruto.”

“Yeah,” jeered Sakura from the back seat, “what other secrets are you hiding Kakashi?”

“Sakura, shut up, shut up, Naruto texted me to come over now. He has something really cool to show us—or so he says. I wanna see, plus he owes us for sending us to Kiba’s. Kakashi take us to Naruto’s instead.”

Kakashi sighed, “I’ve seen some shit being a teacher, but I never thought I’d become a chauffeur for my students. But alright.” He made a U-turn and headed to Naruto’s. He had been there plenty of times, seeing as Minato was the school principal and something of a mentor to Kakashi.

----

After a car ride filled with the Mamma Mia soundtrack (Iruka claimed it was neutral territory, everyone loves it), they finally got dropped off at Naruto’s. They knocked on the door, ready for whatever surprise Naruto had to show them. When he flung the door open, they had never seen their friend so excited. His blue eyes were sparkling, “hurry! My room!” and he scurried into the house before they could even take their shoes off.

Naruto’s room was already quite a sight to behold considering the orange color scheme and ramen cups littering his desk, but his new orange quilt wasn’t what had Sakura screaming. “Why the fuck do you have a fox? Is that legal? Where did you get that thing?”

The blonde sniffed, “excuse me, ‘that thing’ has a name. Say hi to Kurama. Isn’t he a cutie?” Sasuke crossed his arms. Yup, their best friend had lost his mind. Even the fox’s collar and ID tag were orange. “And just what do you plan on doing with a fox, idiot?”

Naruto considered this for a moment, “I dunno. Didn’t think that far. I got it from this guy I know. Do you think Suna State allows pets in the freshman dorms?” Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. Hopeless, he was really hopeless. And then he remembered how Naruto had let them down earlier, but he didn’t think it was because he had acquired a new pet. “What was that all about earlier? How do you not have weed?”

“Oh yeah! I have something else to show you! It’ll explain everything. Come into the basement. Say bye to Kurama first.” Sakura half-heartedly waved at the rather grumpy looking fox in his cage before they followed Naruto down below.

----

There was no way the universe wasn’t fucking with them. “Sai? Why the hell are you in Naruto’s basement?”

“So rude, Saucey-k! He’s my guest, you’re a pest! And he’s painting, duh.” Their very strange and very pale friend was sitting in front of a giant canvas that nearly stretched the entire span of the wall. He was adding details to what looked like a picture of Naruto in a loincloth. He was lounging on his side, eating grapes with one hand, and petting a fox with the other.

“Yeah no shit, I can see that,” Sasuke quipped, “but why?” Naruto huffed at him again, like it was obvious, “he needs money for his college tuition, so I commissioned him to paint me and Kurama. I’m looking pretty sexy, right?” Sakura didn’t bother answering him, “how does this ‘explain everything’, though?”

Naruto snapped two finger guns at them, “oh, right! Sai is an artist. And he does his best work when he’s high. He obviously needed a lot of weed to complete this masterpiece, so I gave him all my weed. It’s like, paying it forward or something.” If at all possible, Sasuke was even more irritated than before. He couldn’t spare a gram for his lifelong best friends, but he could give it all to this guy? Traitor.

“Well, now that you’ve seen it, we should leave Sai to work in peace. Looks amazing, cutie! Kurama, we’re coming back up, did you miss me already?”

---

“Wanna pet him? He’s only bit me six times in the last hour, I think he really likes my vibe or something.” Before either of them could protest, Naruto started opening the cage. “Kurama, come here, come here. Who’s a good boy? Who wants to get pet?” His arms made a circle for Kurama to settle into when the fox started stalking towards the cage door. He pounced through the gap in Naruto’s arms and hit the ground running.

“Kurama, wait! We were just becoming such good friends! Come back here!” The trio immediately chased after the animal, but he was too fast and he escaped out of their doggy door and into the night. They rushed into the backyard just in time to see Kurama leap over the fence and out of the Uzumaki property.

They all plopped down onto the grass and Naruto started wailing, “he’s gone! What did I do wrong? Please, you guys we have to find him!” They definitely weren’t high anymore, they were too tired for this, but they weren’t shitty friends, so they agreed to go look for him.

----

They had even enlisted Sai to help them out. As they walked around Naruto’s neighborhood calling for Kurama, Naruto’s phone started ringing, “do you think Kurama is calling? He wants to come home!” He started excitedly fishing his phone out of his front pocket, “Kiba? Why would he be calling now?” Sasuke and Sakura settled on the sidewalk, expecting some weird conversation between dealers.

“You found him? Holy shit man! Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there soon! Thanks bro!” he hung up the phone and faced his friends, “Kiba found Kurama! Let’s go, we have to go now before Kurama starts missing me too much!”

And they were headed back to the place where the night had begun.

----

Thankfully Kiba only lived a few blocks away because Sakura’s feet were dragging with exhaustion. They were standing in Kiba’s backyard and she leaned against Sasuke’s shoulder as they listened to the explanation. The back gate was mysteriously left open, and Akamaru wandered out into the front yard. He was having a relaxing evening chewing a bone on the front lawn when a fox appeared. It seemed that the fox smelled Akamaru’s treat bank in the back and wanted a taste for himself. When Akamaru started barking like mad, very peeved that some other animal was trying to get at his precious treats, Kiba went outside to see what was going on. He just thought he was hallucinating since he was super high, but it was really a fox.

“And then I saw he had a tag and it had your name and number!” Kiba finished. Naruto had tears in his eyes, “that’s amazing. Kurama probably smelled Akamaru and just wanted a friend. Friendship is so powerful!” He was hand feeding Kurama treats, who looked much more complacent now that he was being fed.

They all made their way back into the house just as Kiba’s kickback was winding down. Sai disappeared into the kitchen for a while, returning with a cardigan and a jacket. “Ugly, this is a terrible color I’ve only ever seen you wear. And your boyfriend is basically attached to you, so I’m assuming this is his.” Sakura reached out to grab them from his hands before settling back on the couch.

“Thanks again, Kiba. I’m gonna take Kurama home now,” Naruto turned to face Sasuke and Sakura. “You two live in the opposite direction. Are you gonna walk?”

“I can drive.” The whole group looked to the front of the room where the voice came from. “Shino?” asked Sakura, “I didn’t even realize you were still here. And aren’t you high?”

“I’m the supplier and the designated driver.” When he offer any further explanation, Sasuke and Sakura shrugged and got up from the couch. Sasuke could get his car tomorrow. A free ride back to his comfy bed sounded wonderful.

----

Sakura had fallen asleep almost immediately when she got back to her own room, not even bothering to change her outfit. It had to be well into the afternoon when she finally woke up. Her head felt fuzzy and her mouth was dry. Was last night even real?

She grabbed her phone out of her cardigan pocket just to find that it was dead. But her pocket also held a napkin, “what is this? I don’t remember putting this in here?”

She unfolded the white napkin to see one of Sai’s signature ink drawings. It depicted Sakura, drawn in red pen, leaning against Sasuke, drawn in blue pen. He even added a bit of background—it looked like the grass and fence of Kiba’s backyard. He must’ve drawn it when he went into the kitchen. Sakura plugged her phone in and flopped back down onto her bed. She stared at the little drawing, wishing she was with Sasuke right now.

So last night was real.

----

A/N: this isnt meant to make nerds feel bad about staying at home. im writing fanfic so i am the nerd at home

[i-am-made-of-memoriies]

Portals, Clones, and Time Travel. Oh My! (chapter 7)

Part 6

Sarada took a couple of hours to wake up, but when she did, she was surprisingly all right.

“How am I not dead right now?” She asked confusedly, glancing at the other genin, “I fell from really high up. I should be an Uchiha pancake.”

Sakura giggled, “You’re lucky I’m a not-so-amazing medic and that Boruto uses wind jutsu well!” She flashed Sarada a thumbs up and helped her to her feet. “I’m really glad you’re feeling better. Now let’s tackle the big problem. We know where Hiroyuki is, but we have no idea about how strong he is. Plus, he may have more people to back him up.”

“I know, but we’re never going to be able to escape unless we face him.” Naruto crossed his arms confidently, “I think we should just rush in and attack him. Then we can whoop his ass and save the world! Good plan right?”

“I liked the pitfall one better.” Sarada stated simply, pushing herself onto her feet, “We need to investigate a bit first. If we can get a rough idea of what’s going on in there, we’ll have a better chance of knowing what to do.”

“How are we going to investigate without being detected?” Sasuke entered the conversation, “None of us have chakra masking skills at a high enough level to evade even a chunin level ninja.”

“Ugh.” Sakura groaned, “You have a point.”

“I have above-average chakra masking abilities.” Mitsuki offered, smiling as usual.

“We need incredible, not ‘above average’.” Naruto insisted, shaking his head.

“Well they’re far from as good as Sasuke’s, or future Sasuke’s rather, but I can evade most chunin and jonin.” Mitsuki insisted.

“You better not be lying.” Sasuke threatened, “If you get us caught, I will not be happy.”

“Your personal happiness is not my concern. I’m more concerned for the well-being of this team as a whole.”

Naruto could see Sasuke visibly tense. Realizing that having an on-edge Uchiha was probably detrimental to their teamwork, he lay a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Chill man. You know how weird Mitsuki is.”

“Yeah Sasuke-kun.” Sakura agreed, “Mitsuki won’t fail. And if he does, well that means that he’s just as good as the rest of us.”

“Hn.” Sasuke didn’t visibly show any appreciation for his teammates support, but it was obvious that he was grateful for them.

“We should start going in the direction of the base.” Sarada suggested, “We should stop about three-quarters of a mile from the base, then send Mitsuki. I know average chakra sensing range is half a mile, but I have no idea how good Hiroyuki is.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Boruto agreed. “Hey Sarada?” He suddenly donned an apologetic look, “I’m really sorry for suggesting the ‘launch Sarada in the air’ plan. If it wasn’t for Sakura, you probably wouldn’t be standing right now.”

“It’s okay Boruto.” Sarada said sincerely, “Thanks to that plan, we know where to go. Not to mention, I really appreciate you rushing over to save me. If it weren’t for you, I would have been dead.”

Boruto didn’t know why, but he felt his cheeks fill with a sudden warmth. Actually, he did know, but he refused to accept that truth so he filled his mind with possible alternate explanations. Perhaps it was the rising sun and subsequently rising temperature or maybe chakra exhaustion having a late reaction? Boruto speculated that it could be anything as long as it wasn’t the truth. “T-thank you.” He sputtered, realizing that he hadn’t responded to Sarada.

The Uchiha looked at him with her kind, understanding eyes, the rising sun illuminating her face. Much to his surprise, Sakura voiced his exact thoughts.

“Sarada, you look gorgeous right now.” She said, in awe of her future daughter’s beauty.

“Sakura-chan,” Naruto interrupted, “we should get going. The later it gets, the more visible we become.”

“You’re right Naruto.” She agreed, “I can ogle at Sarada’s beauty later. Must be my genes.”

“Let’s go.” Sasuke commanded, beginning to run towards the hide-out.

The other five genin followed quickly in suite, catching up to Sasuke. They were all aware that Hiroyuki could be far above their level, and that they could potentially be trapped in this dimension until the space-time continuum was ripped into ribbons, but they were willing to take a risk if it meant saving the world they loved.

“We don’t have the foggiest idea of how strong Hiroyuki is.” Sarada pointed out, looking concerned, “He could be goddamn sannin level for all we know.”

“All six of us could take a sannin for sure!” Naruto exclaimed confidently, “We’re all really strong!”

Sarada really admired Naruto’s optimism. Though it had been somewhat masked in the future, she could tell that Naruto hadn’t changed as drastically as she would have expected. “Yeah, Naruto’s right.” She nodded her head, “I’m sure we’ll be fine!”

The six genin reached their desired destination in less than a half-hour. They knew that they were about to enter a battle that they had absolutely no strategy, prep-time, or idea about, but hell, they were ready.

“Go Mitsuki.” Sasuke commanded, “We’re counting on you.”

The boy nodded, formed a ram seal, and ran off towards the fortress.

“While Mitsuki’s gone, we need to strategize.” Sakura suggested, “Though we don’t know exactly what we’re facing,  we should have some sort of general formation.”

Sasuke, Sakura, Mitsuki, Naruto, and Boruto nodded in agreement. “Since I’m the healer, I’ll stay in the back.” Sakura said.

“Sarada and I will flank the left and right sides.” Sasuke offered, glancing at the other Uchiha.

“Since Boruto and Naruto are the most resistant, they should stand in the front.” Sakura tranced a diamond in the air, “Mitsuki can join me in the back since his stretchy-arm thing can reach as far as needed.”

“Sounds good.” Sarada agreed, “I’m kind of nervous, you know.” She admitted, pushing up her glasses, “It really worried me when Jinora said that she ‘let us win’. I’m worried that we’re just falling into a big hoax.”

“Maybe, but we shouldn’t think about that right now.” Sasuke assured, “If we really are playing right to their plan, we’ll just have to destroy them.”

“You make it sound like we will actually be able to defeat them.” Sakura shook her head, “I understand that you’re strong, but you’re underestimating Hiroyuki’s potential.”

“You only say that because you’re weak.” Sasuke spat.

Sarada didn’t see the warm, loving eyes of her father, instead she saw two cold black spheres that reflected nothing but malice.

“If we don’t escape this dimension, I’ll never be able to defeat him. Failure is not an option.”

“This isn’t about you Sasuke.” Naruto crossed his arms, “You always make everything about you and your stupid revenge. We don’t want to be stuck in this dimension forever either! I can’t be Hokage if we’re here!”

“It’s not about you either.” Sasuke clenched his teeth.

“You’re right teme, it’s about is getting the hell out of here!” Naruto tackled Sasuke to the ground, dirt rising up in clouds around them. “Stop being such an ass and start working with us as a team. Also, how dare you call Sakura-chan weak when she just saved your daughter’s life?!”

“She’s not my daughter yet.” Sasuke hissed, throwing the blonde off of him, “For all I know, these changes may make it so that I never even have a daughter. Why should it matter to me?”

Sarada snapped. In the blink of an eye, she had flash-stepped in front of the Uchiha and punched him at least eight meters backwards. “It should matter to you.” She said menacingly, “Because despite the fact that you’re a self-centered, stupid, annoying little boy right now, you’re still going to be my father in the future and I’m expecting you to step the fuck up pretty soon. So start appreciating your teammates and work with us so that we all can get out of this godforsaken dimension.”

Sasuke spat out a mouthful of blood and glared at Sarada.

“I’d love to fight you right now.” Sarada growled, “And trust me, I would, except killing you would mean I disappear. Count your blessings.”

“You wish you could even lay a finger on me.” Sasuke taunted, smirking.

“Are you going senile or really that stupid? Take a look at your bloodied face, I already laid an entire fist on you.” Sarada’s sharingan eyes were blazing red, the tomoe spinning in a dizzying circle.

Sasuke was aware that he had lost the argument, but backing down was absolutely not his style. Instead, he glared back at the genin and stomped off into the forest.

“Teme!” Naruto called, jogging after Sasuke, “Come back, we need to all be together when Mitsuki gets back.”

“Fuck off.” Sasuke didn’t look back.

A/N: Looks like I forgot to post this chapter two weeks ago?? Woot, my brain works. Anyway, look at all of that angsty Sasuke angst. He’s a real asshole isn’t he? Anyway, here’s your chapter! Next one will be out tomorrow!

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Rokuhoudou 1 - 12 (REWATCH) | Fruits Basket 25 (FINAL) | Demon Slayer 25 - 26 (FINAL) | Mob Psycho 100 II OVA | Cop Craft 11 - 12 (FINAL) | Dr Stone 11 | Ahiru no Sora 1 | Shinchou Yuusha 1

New anime of the season, here we go!

Rokuhoudou 1 (REWATCH)

I’m doing a new project where I rewatch some of my favourites to test their integrity in that regard. Here’s the first show - Rokuhoudou. So what I remember about Rokuhoudou is that it’s very simple – the guys make food and help people, occasionally there’s cats – and that was enough to help me through a mental rough patch I was going through at the original time of airing.

Being sick and watching with a cinnamon roll really brings home the idea of Rokuhoudou as “comfort food for the eyes”…No, it’s not what you think. I’m eating a cinnamon roll.

I always assumed the title was translated to “Four-Coloured Daily Life at Rokuhoudou”, because that would be the best translation if the title was fully in kanji. It’s not though, so the hiragana-rendered parts could mean anything.

Rokuhoudou almost gives you this sensation of being spirited away by good food (and Good Boys).

Sui sometimes reminds me of Kunikida (BSD)…must be the glasses.

Gure’s such a tease, LOL.

Tokitaka’s so refined, yet also has the heart and patience to help old people, plant things and make pottery. I love him~!

“You don’t need to show appreciation with bodily functions!”

I only just noticed it…but Gure has a nice eye colour.

Oh…I just realised this since I now know Tokitaka grows the veg and herbs out back, but Tokitaka must’ve grown them.

Hmm…I was wondering why you’d need a spoon for chazuke, but then I realised it’s because of the soup…D’oh.

I wonder if Tokitaka also made the chopstick holders…

Update: The ikura reminds me of Hinamatsuri…

Rokuhoudou 2 (REWATCH)

(Sorry, I had a note, but I didn’t write it down fast enough so I don’t have any for this ep…)

Rokuhoudou 3 (REWATCH)

Tokitaka has a flower in his hair (during the pottery wheel scene)…cute~!

Rokuhoudou 4 (REWATCH)

“You need to chill out.” – More like “you need to calm down”, amirite??? (LOL)

Look at how badass my bois are!

Now that I’ve been seriously working on my customer service skills, I sort of get the ethic behind the Rokuhoudou workers in general.

Rokuhoudou 5 (REWATCH)

Oyaji ga Susumeru Café Iko! – “The Old Guy Recommends Cafes to Go To!”, literally speaking. However, it’s quite slang and seems to be hinting at the positive connotations of an oyaji (fondness, the sort you’d have for your dad), so I approve of the chosen translation “Daddy-o’s Café Go!”.

Oh yeah…this is the weird delusion from Isago, isn’t it? I still rmembr writing a blog post about it!

Why does Tokitaka look so evil in this one scene (where he’s helping Tsubaki), anyway?

Rokuhoudou 6 (REWATCH)

(no notes, sorry!)

Rokuhoudou 7 (REWATCH)

(no notes, sorry!)

Rokuhoudou 8 (REWATCH)

I love how Gure gets all fired up just to pedal a duck boat.

Is it just me, or does young!Gure look like he was designed by Rihito Takarai (creator of Ten Count)…?

I can’t believe this…my stomach grumbled in the middle of an espresso episode…

“Who else could it be for?” – The dog?...I’m kidding, man…don’t get so angry at me, dog lovers.

I think this might be the 2nd time I thought the kid was called “you” (2nd person pronoun), but his nam is “You” (given name).

Oh! I don’t think I noticed this special ED the first time around.

Update: Gure is a happy drunk, LOL. Also, Gure is half-Italian, with his father being Japanese. (see ep. 1 of original watch-through for corresponding notes)

Rokuhoudou 9 (REWATCH)

Is the land of love France or Italy…?

Shinchosha is real…in fact, they’re the ones who publish Rokuhoudou’s manga!

Oh, seriously, I ship it now! Isago x Hayashi, that is…and Sui x kittens.

Update: Somehow I only just ralised it…but the titular “Mont Blanc Boy” is Tsunozaki, even though technically the only boys we see in this episode are young! Kyousui and Yakyou.

Rokuhoudou 10 (REWATCH)

The Napolitan episode…this is where Astral’s post comes from.

I get the feeling this segment’s title is a shoutout to “You Don’t Know Gunma Yet”, which is in…Kurage Bunch, also by Shinchosha, if I’m remembering correctly.

Gure and Tsubaki are like children sometimes, I swear…

Kuromitsu = brown sugar. (It means “black sweetness”, literally translating and it used to confuse me so much that I want to mention it here.)

VAINO computer, eh?

Tokyo NX, LOL. (Parody of Tokyo MX, which has a lot of anime.)

Short-haired Tokitaka!

I think Koto(ko…?)’s words, in particular, were one of the best monologues in this series when it comes to relaxing by realising I wasn’t alone in my doubts of the world. “Can I make it to my dreams?” I was asking the first time I saw this and even though I haven’t achieved the dreams of past me, I just had to adjust my expectations, make some new dreams and keep on going.

Rokuhoudou 11 (REWATCH)

Good heck, Gendo-I mean, Kyousui. (re: finger tenting)

Also, there is one univeral truth about this show: don’t watch it on an empty stomach…I had to go get some food a few eps. back in this rewatch because my stomach grumbled…

When I thought of “something rich”, I thought of a pudding too. Maybe my memory is better than I thought, huh?

I thought there was something dirty on my screen…turns out it was just Gure’s beauty spot.

Rokuhoudou 12 (FINAL, REWATCH)

“I’ll wake you up, then.”

I learnt this from the manga, but Itou is the old tea vendor.

Gin-chan reminds me of the inventor Logicalist from Hina Logi.

Karamimochi. By the way, from earlier in the ep…ankoro mochi.

Neneko was meant to be into kimonos, wasn’t she…?

Nion (sic) camera, LOL.

Okay, that’s the end of my first rewatch. It’s a keeper!

Fruits Basket 25 (FINAL)

Shihan = shisho = instructor.

Notice the Jizo, protector of children.

“…didn’t have to block…”

LOL, Tohru’s shocked face going from Kyo to Yuki.

Ooh, Makoto Takei and Machi Kuragi…

Isuzu!!!

Okay, that’s the end of that. See you next time!

Demon Slayer 25

So the other butterfly mansion girls (aside from Aoi, Shinobu and Kanao) are called Naho, Kiyo and Sumi, huh?

Tanjiro is seemingly a freakin’ masochist right now to those girls…

Ooh, there’s a butterfly in a chrysalis on the title card!

It seems, based on the kanji for Tsuguko, the word literally means “inheritor”, “successor” or “one who makes [another person’s role flourish by being in it]”…Like a Legacy Character from TV Tropes. Also, “Tsuyuri” literally means “chestnut flowers fall”, if I understand the characters right.

Kanao does the Naruto run. She wants to see them aliens too!

“Putting in effort isn’t my thing.” – Now there’s a sentence after my own heart!

Why does Kanao not talk???

Kanao’s coin says “front” and “back” instad of heads and tails.

Hmm, hmm…very heterosexual reading of Kanao here. It almost makes me lose hope in the “gay Shinobu” department (not that I’m angry about that).

This guy with the hat…I swear he looks like a jellyfish…

Why do all the swordsmiths wear that mask???

There’s one thing I realised this episode…anime humour means I expect exaggerated reactions to a lot of things, such as Inosuke chipping his swords like that.

I remember being a bit annoying about the interchangeability between the translation of honoo as “fire” and “flame” when I was a Boueibu rookie...*sighs happily* good times.

Okayyyyyy…Tanjiro’s gone cuckoo…

Nezuko, Inosuke and Zenitsu, huh? There’s a combo I’ve never seen!

Mob Psycho 100 OVA

Isekai hot springs, LOL.

I think I can see Saitama’s bald head, LOL.

I think there might be CGI on this hot springs establishment…

This is Reigen, king of bulls*%$, everyone!

Nanbanzuke.

“[P]air of plumbers”, eh…?

Ooh, 8-bit graphics! Remember season 2’s early scenes? That 8-bit one was good.

Dude, Reigen…just leave the train already…then you’ll get out.

LOL, “Mobpis”...Mobpis 100, maybe?

Strangely, Teru looks vaguely hot in one frame of one scene where he has his eyes closed.

Why do I get the feeling the capybaras on TV will be relevant later…?

Now, this parallel world brings a new meaning to “Infinity Train”!

Nice callback to the opening words of s1 and 2.

…and randomly, Dimple can be seen in the red waves.

It seems Dimple likes sprouting legs these days.

Cop Craft 11

Tourte’s career…almost sounds like Trump’s…

“No one treats me like an alien.”

Don’t bring a sword to a gun fight, Tilarna…

The name “transitional crises” is perfect for this episode…geesh. Just like episode 1, there’s a cliffhanger.

Dr Stone 11

Notice the focus on E=mc2 when Senku talks about passing on knowledge.

Ahh, science…the cliché says it’s for loners, but truth be told, science works in tag teams just like anything else. (Yes, even IT, if you look at it a certain way – such as how creating your code builds upon the people who built that code and the people who made the programs you code in.

Why do all the villagers have platform shoes anyway???

Demon Slayer 26 (FINAL)

Is that woman (not the Biwa player, the other one)…Muzan?! Update: Yes.

Genya…he got so tall in 2 years(ish)…poor Tanjiro. He’s fated to kill Kibutsuji, but he’s also fated to be short.

Does every girl in this series have to fall in love with Tanjiro?!?! (or be implied to be shippable with him, even Nezuko???) I obviously don’t like that kind of direction, as you can see.

Ah, Kanao speaks…for once.

I guess Nezuko has a really loud heart voice, to contrast Kanao’s tiny heart voice, so to speak.

How does Inosuke eat anything through the boar head if he’s taking it off all the time now to do things with his mouth???

Darn that ninja Giyu, leaving as soon as he feels sentimental. (LOL)

*starts yelling at top of lungs* MU-GEN TRAIN! (roughly to the tune of TM Network’s Love Train, which I heard about a few months before this)

I just realised Tanjiro’s probably never seen a train, considering the only transport he’s ever known is maybe a carriage/cart…or maybe just his legs.

As Zenitsu’s struggling to keep up with the train, I almost expect the Harry Potter theme to play and a flying car to appear in the distance…okay, I’m kidding about the car, but I did wish for a second the Harry Potter song would play. Nur-nurr-nur-nurrrrrr-nur-nurrrrrr-nurr…(or something)

Cop Craft 12 (FINAL)

“…taking the lead in the mayoral lead.” – That sounds redundant.

Hey! It’s that one Demon Slayer joke again! (i.e. Kei used his head.)

Dead Randall: too much for TV.

I still can’t believe they properly managed to incorporate the porn case into the finale…

I watched Hellsing today and all this “Sir Matoba” this and “Sir Matoba” that made me wonder…why is Integra a “Sir” as well…?

Zelada does look like Alucard in some senses…hmm.

I think the large bruise over Kei’s eye disappeared in one of the scenes…Now it’s just under his eye.

Wait, Tilarna has a sibling??? Wuh???

I like how they transitioned into the OP, but man…talk about a fast ending. That’s a Hellsing kinda ending fo’ sure. Oh well, see you next time.

Ahiru no Sora 1

New season, new faces, new series. Let’s get into it.

Man, this sparrow freaks me out…

Lyrics from the outset. This must be something special to warrant such a thing.

I always thought Kuzuryuu (“nine-headed dragon”, literally translating) was a cool surname to have! Or just a place name, in this case.

LOL, his name is Momohara (peach field).

The arcade machine says “fist” in the back.

Uh-oh…nothing ever goes right when a boy tries peeping into the girl’s locker room…

*sigh* The male gaze…geesh.

“What are you doing?!” (Nani yatterun da?!) doesn’t translate to “This isn’t the circus!”.

Oh right…Momo = 100, chi = 1000, haru = spring, aki = autumn.

Hey, Chiaki actually got Sora’s name right for once…

Basically everything I know about basketball is from Kuroko no Basuke, so…uh…Sora’s reminding me of Kuroko right now.

Shinchou Yuusha 1

I just call this “TUEEE” instead…don’t mind me. Obviously, my target here is Ume…y’know that, right?

Most of these gods and goddesses look suckish, but I wouldn’t mind an anime about the one with the long hair and Monkey King headband.

Ristarte’s already a bundle of fun…although her leg jiggling’s a bit annoying…

(mocking) There must be a downside to this, right, Listarte…?

Can we not with boob storage??? I bet no matter how big a woman’s knockers are, you can’t store anything between ‘em in real life! (I think we’d need an anime Mythbusters for something like that…make it happen, someone!)

YesyesyesyesYES! OOH, Ristarte, you sure know how to pick ‘em! The fact he’s over 180 cm in height is…well, it’s bad for trying to kiss him, but otherwise it’s just a cherry on the cake of smokin’ HOT!

“[F]ish story”??? You mean “fishy”, right? (Oh well, seems like synonyms work too…)

I…don’t quite get this song…but I think I saw a hot guy (might’ve been a woman, but I’d like it to be a man since there are already so many women in the OP as is) about halfway through the OP. It’s a real 2 for 1 bargain here, people. Update: Argh…that’s a woman after all…

Argh! *is suddenly sabotaged by one Ariadoa* If you’ve read the Spellbook, you’ll know one of my aliases is “Aria Noyed”. It just happens to be the same as an anime and manga already, but now I have it ruining my fun here too…

LOL, did you hear that “ba-bing!” acquistion sound when Rista produced the money?

To be honest, I think regular Seiya (with the purple-highlighted armour as you see here) looks pretty hot anyway (plus Ume’s voice, which I came for), so I think I have a lock-in for the season right here.

The sakuga in this show is way too good (according to all the cubes of soil I keep seeing)!

This ED is a pretty cool bop, yo.

[cyb-by-lang]

OSF AU - All the Little Children (8/?)

Part 8: In which everyone is confused, killing intent backwash is a thing, and Isobu is a Squirtle.

Content warnings: Coarse language, death threats.

In the months since he met her, Sabo had never seen Fū look so afraid. She didn’t shake like that even when confronting the Lord of the Forest or brainstorming with them on how to take on Gramps for the next round. She smiled like Luffy did, all bright sunshine and blue seas on a cloudless day. She didn’t even seem afraid of Bluejam, or of his father, and Sabo had found himself expecting her to stay solid even when the situation changed over and over again.

It was like trying to stand his ground on sand.

Then Sabo looked sidelong at Gaara, mentally revising his thinking. No, sand was about as steady as rock at this point. It was just that Fū was looking at the woman on top of the trash heap like she was the worst kind of pirate or maybe a monster in human form.

“Keisuke?” Gaara asked, and the woman nodded just like she had after Naruto addressed her. “When did you get here? How?”

“And what took you so long?” Naruto wanted to know.

Keisuke or Kei-sensei or whoever she was held up one hand and, instead of answering their questions, just asked, “Naruto, which one of them tried to kill you?”

“We’ve got it handled,” Naruto said, though Sabo saw him immediately looked to Bluejam and Outlook. Naruto wasn’t a great liar, but he was usually better than that.

The woman made a neutral noise. Then, “Gaara?”

Gaara glanced between Kei and the captive pirates and guards, then crossed his arms over his chest. The sand that he’d been holding everyone with started to wisp away, but he didn’t stop blocking his captives’ eyes and ears.

“Very well,” she said, to the general lack of response. With deceptive ease, she stood and made her slow, disinterested way down the trash heap. She never stumbled or paused, simply taking step after step down to the real ground. “Naruto, Gaara, please take your friends and leave. I’ll deal with this situation.”

Sabo froze. The way she said it, this woman was as cold a killer as Bluejam’s pirates were. As detached as Outlook. It was just pointed at people who’d kill his brothers and his friends instead. And now the people who had been trying to hurt his family were the ones in danger, and yet…

“Kei-sensei…” Sabo blinked as Naruto gripped his shoulder. “Don’t kill them.”

She paused in the act of drawing one of her swords, even as her pet turtle rolled to meet and greet the other monsters. “Why?”

Sabo stepped back, out of Naruto’s grip, and Luffy latched onto him with both arms. Across from him, Ace grabbed Fū’s wrist and dragged her along as they started to retreat. Sabo couldn’t quite tear his eyes away from Naruto and his…bodyguard, as the two of them stood in front of the people who’d once held all the power. People who were now at the mercy of a woman’s whim, just the same as they’d held their lives before.

Sabo swallowed.

“I’ll tell you later,” Naruto said to the woman, “but it’s important.”

After a painfully long pause, the woman finally nodded. “Go, Naruto.”

Naruto set his jaw, just like Ace would, but he listened. Gaara abandoned his attempts to restrain anybody once they had all gotten out of sight, or at least Sabo thought so. Before long, they were running right out of Gray Terminal, with nobody following them at all. Even the usual crowd of beggars and poor people who stuck to this area had long since abandoned it, sensing trouble. It wasn’t hard to tell that they probably had better survival instincts than anyone who would spend time near that woman.

They were in the forest by the time it happened.

The only warning any of them got was a muffled “Oh shi–” from Naruto, and then Sabo’s world collapsed.

It felt—it felt like being underwater and cold and insignificant, choking on nothing while his lungs froze in a half-taken breath. Sabo hit the ground, Luffy landing on him, but he hardly felt it. He had to get away, get away—

And then Naruto grabbed his wrist and pinched. “Ow!”

“Hey!” barked Ace, as Gaara pulled on his ear. He flailed with his pipe, but only struck Gaara’s sand shield. “Hands off!”

“Sorry,” Naruto said, letting go of Sabo’s wrist, “but usually this kinda stuff needs pain so you can block it out.”

Fū was stretching Luffy’s face, to limited effect. “Wake up, Luffy! It’s just a–um…”

“Wh-what was it?” Sabo stammered, unable to stop himself from clinging to Luffy even so. “That—that didn’t feel like…”

“It’s killing intent,” Gaara explained, which wasn’t much of an explanation at all. He’d let Ace go, at least, but his sand was still distinctly not on the ground like it was supposed to be. Or in the gourd on his back. He looked spooked. “I didn’t know she could do that.”

“Kei-sensei was really pissed off.” Naruto frowned. “Usually she aims better than that.”

Sabo shuddered. He didn’t want to know what it would be like if someone that scary was on the verge of losing control, and yet heard himself asking, “What’s she gonna do? Naruto, you’re the one who knows her…”

Naruto grimaced. “Um…”

“She said she’d leave them alive,” Ace recalled, still looking unnerved under his usual mask of bravado.

“You’d be amazed what you can live through,” Fū mumbled, shivering. Her hands shook as she reached back over her head and pried Chōmei out of his resting place on her back. Then, mid-motion, she froze in place.

Chōmei’s voice said, in a slightly peevish tone, “Fū, it’s safe to lift me out. Isobu just wants to be able to see.”

Fū shrieked like she’d been set on fire, scrambling out of her backpack straps and tossing it to the ground in a blind panic. She brushed frantically at her back and hair, but Chōmei just wriggled slowly out of the backpack before turning to allow the next passenger out.

When it unrolled from its armadillo-like ball, Sabo recognized its green-gray shape. It was the same shelled creature that had been on the woman’s lap earlier.

“Hey, Isobu,” Naruto said, greeting the little monster without a hint of fear.

“Naruto,” it said, nodding. “Where did Yang Kurama and Shukaku go?”

“We’re right here, Three-Tails,” said a voice from Gaara’s direction.

After a few seconds, Naruto’s orange fox monster companion surfaced from the mass of Gaara’s sand, followed shortly by the weird raccoon. The fox shook out the sand, then stalked over to the misplaced rock turtle and said, “What took you so long to get here?”

“Don’t yell at Isobu for things he can’t help,” Chōmei said, bristling all the way down to his tail stubs. “Not everyone is lucky enough to end up in the same spot.”

“He can swim,” Shukaku grumbled, his tail lashing.

“And did you honestly expect him to leave his partner behind? Really, now,” Chōmei huffed.

“I can speak for myself,” Isobu complained.

“That’s great and all, but seriously what the fuck was that?!” Ace demanded, breaking into their little war council. Of animals the size of bread boxes. Ace made a flailing gesture in the general direction of Gray Terminal. “Who the hell was that woman? What are you all doing here? And why is Fū so freaked out?!”

“I’m not freaked out!” Fū protested, though she was still shaking.

“Fū is brave…” Luffy trailed off. Then he shook his head. “Fū isn’t afraid of anything!”

Fū latched onto that thought for dear life. “That’s right!”

Ace rolled his eyes. “Naruto.”

“Kei-sensei has a really bad reputation,” Naruto admitted, sitting back on his heels right next to the monster huddle. “But she aims it at people who’re trying to kill me and people around me. She’s not as scary as she acted back there.”

“Normal people,” Fū muttered fervently, “don’t get ‘flee on sight’ orders.”

“So did my dad,” Naruto said, unbothered. “And he’s Kei-sensei’s teacher, so… It’s kinda expected.”

Fū looked away, her knuckles white as she crossed her arms.

“Your dad?” Luffy piped up. “Who’s he? Is he like the Pirate King?”

Ace tensed, though Sabo wasn’t sure anyone but him noticed.

Naruto shrugged. “Doubt it.” As Yang Kurama climbed up onto Naruto’s shoulder, he added, “Let’s just get out of here. Even if there’s no one out here, this place doesn’t feel right.”

“But we didn’t get the stuff to repair our place,” Sabo mumbled. No, once Outlook had showed up, they’d forgotten everything. While the treehouse wasn’t unstable or anything, they couldn’t keep the wind out…

“Then we can take you to ours,” Gaara rasped, before the sand reared up and they were already on their way.

It was the worst ride ever. Though Sabo had seen Fū fly and knew she could do it pretty fast, even she seemed unhappy with the weaving path Gaara chose for them as they shot through the forest. Gaara didn’t care, obviously, and Naruto and Luffy and Ace all looked like they were actually enjoying themselves (if reluctantly), Sabo felt his stomach roll and leaned back against Fū in the hopes that her lack of sensitivity would wear off on him.

[ceiaofsilence]

Reading Boruto the Manga (Ch. 11)

Trying to read the Boruto manga now that they’re done rehashing the damn movie. Can’t get much worse than that, can it? Hahahahaha (To read why I did not like that movie, go here)

-Cover page: I almost turn back right there. Wtf. Look at Sarada. No, don’t look at Sarada. Her shirt/dress thing barely covers her ass. And we look at her from slightly below. If her leg weren’t angled like that - giving us a very nice view of leg in the most impractical heels a ninja ever wore, there’s every chance we’d get a panty shot. Dafuq, are they trying to make her sexy? She’s what, twelve?

-Boruto and Mitsuki look fine tho. Kakashi’s face on the mountain looks like someone forgo t to carve half his face, and the trees have cotton candy instead of leaves

-next three pages: first we get a page of trees and - gasp! - a blur and the noise of a step! Can it be? Are ninjas passing grough? Yeah, next oage we get a shot of team Konohamaru. Sarada’s still missing pants to her outfit, and she’s still got those ridiculous heels.

-Boruto’s got a radio in his ear but isn’t paying attention. Model ninja right there. Apparently he’s been actin weird lately, as Sarada informs us.

-Next panel - awkward transition, is this a flashback or is it not, what were they even doing in the forest, why are they suddenly back in civilisation, and where did Sarada and Mitsuki go, and who is this mysterious cloaked man Boruto speaks to, whose head was cut off by the panel limits?

-‘Tis Sasuke! Behold, his haircut is still hideous. I will never get over this. Also his eyes are dead.

-They’re talking about that weird mark on Boruto’s hand. Apparently everything’s fine. No more paralysis/timestoppey thing. Which Sasuke apparently noticed last chapter, despite not looking like it at all. Huh. Rinnegan hax powers

-Sasuke: “I’m not saying this to scare you-” Dun dun dun! “But what’s happening to you body isn’t normal. Like a totally smart person who has learned from past mistakes, I’ll look into it on my own instead of asking, say, a sealing expert. Tell me if anything goes wrong kay bye”

-Thank you, Sasuke, as always you are a great help

-Ahh, so it was a flashback, we’re back to the forest and Boruto is super not-worried and decides he needs to focus on the mission like he was supposed to all along.

-Abrupt scene change no jutsu! Where are we? Oh. Some game shop in Konoha. The voice of god says over an invisible radio that the Konoha Bank was robbed and civilians should please stay in the city. Because obviously the thieves fled into the forest, why would they stay in a huge-ass confusing city with tons of hidey holes and security sucky enough that the one bank could easily be robbed? The ninjas must all be on vacation or something

-And there we have the thieves. Gasp, they’re generic missing-nin.

-Wheee! Mitsuki kidnaps one of them with his gomu gomu powers. Well done!

-Generic missing-nin #1 and #2 run for the hills, #2 right into Sarada’s fist. He doesn’t fly very far, but is out for the count nonetheless. I bet Sakura could have knocked him into the sky like team rocket

-#1 is about to do something. Sarada kicks his ass. Nice. Though her fighting style looks weird. Must be the heels...

-Apparently the thieves have a boss who’s apparently waaaay stronger than his minions. Three guesses who gets to take him on, the first two don’t count.

-Le gasp! Suddenly Sarada is in distress! The ninja whose ass she totally kicked earlier is suddenly opverpowering her! Oh no! Who can save her?!

-Sup, Boruto

-”Boruto!” Sarada exclaims

“Did you get careless, that’s not like you,” Boruto says.

“Just wanted to create some unnecessary drama, I’ll buy you tea later, totally not tricking you into a date by risking our lives.” Well, she’s more ninja-ish than Sakura at least

-Thieves disappear in a smoke cloud. ALL ACCORDING TO PLAN

-Boruto: “Screw the plan, rasengan!”

-Did Boruto just kill that guy

-Apparently he didn’t listen to the plan, surprise surprise

-Strange ninja sitting in a tree. Says they did okay, you know, by their standards. Who is this mysterious fellow? he wears a Konoha forehead-protector, a Konoha uniform, and a scarf. His eyes are dead like Sasuke’s.

-I think it’s Konohamaru. With Obito-hair. And facial surgery. Or it could be a mysterious stranger who swooped in to replace Konohamaru. Who knows?

-Scene change no jutsu! Naruto’s office! We’ve got Naruto in his chair, Shikamaru next to him, Sai, and Ibiki (I think? He’s got a white cloak on. It makes him look like a doctor)

-Apparently they’re talking about idiot science-guy from the movie (and the manga I guess) who fucked up so much shit and probably completely ruined Konoha’s reputation, disobeying a direct order form the Hokage

-Science-guy was controlled! Ahhh! What a twist! Gee, I really care about this person now.

-Who I thought was Sai may not be Sai. I don’t know this face. Oh, neermind, it actually is Sai.

-Naruto you got a problem, your village is infiltrated and your Ibiki is an impersonator. His scars are all wrong. Also your hair is stupid.

-The mysterious enemy wants the ninja tech. How mysterious.

-Shikamaru, are you winking at Naruto, or is that just an awkwardly drawn face. Also, were your wrists always this thing?

-Strange ninja kid comes in and says Konohamaru & Team have done their mission. This makes Naruto super-happy. I like to see that after his precious shitty-father-displays!

-Ah, strange ninja kid is Mirai! Asuma’s kid, I see.

-Naruto & folks worried because thief boss didn’t show. Thief boss answers to the lovely name ‘corpse clone Shojoji’. Because he can transform into dead people and imporsonate them. Gee, I’ve never heard of anything like that before! And he’s in the top ten most wanted ninja! Clearly, this is a case for a fresh genin team to tackle.

-Naruto absolutely can’t deal with this, he’s got to meet with the Fire daimyo

-Abrupt scene change no jutsu! Strange old man. It’s either corpse clone dude or the fire dimyo. he’s got a spoiled kid, so my guess is the latter.

-Apparently in the Elemental Nations they don’t have pokßemon, they play ‘Extreme Ninja Scrolls’ instead, collecting ninja cards like chocolate frog cards. Spoiled kid likes doing this so much he wants to buy the entire store

-Boruto plays this game, too. He gets his super rare daddy-card for the fifth time. Poor him!

-Boruto gets called away by Konohamaru! Aha, so it was Konohamaru earlier! His hair is still weird. His face is also weird. And no, scarfs aren’t meant to be worn like that. Why did fashion king Boruto let this pass for so long?

-Now what was so important? Omg! Boruto, meet the Fire Daimyo’s son, Draco Malfoy!

-Boruto, you won the lottery! You get to guard this spoiled brat! Gee, this plot sounds familiar, too. Wasn’t that the plot of every Naruto movie pre-shippuuden?

-...and that’s it.

-Gee, what a cliffhanger. I must know how the story continues. I’m dying to read the next chapter.

Welll... it didn’t suck as badly as the movie? Aside from Sarada’s fucking clothes.

Tune in next month to see how this epic saga continues!

[isolavirtuosa]

Starting Over (For Real?) 11-12

[fanfiction] NaruSasu

Read the previous parts here.

- 11 -

  Sakura looked about as well-rested as she could under current circumstances.  “Whaddyu want?” she grumbled, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she closed her front door behind us.

“We’re leaving!” Naruto informed her cheerfully.

“You just got here,” Sakura said, squinting at him.

“We’re leaving Konoha!”

Sakura looked to me.

I shrugged.

“Hey, do you think we could get that wheelchair?” Naruto asked.  “I know this guy looks effeminate, but he’s actually really heavy.”

“What the hell does looking effeminate have to do with weight?” Sakura muttered, opening a door and disappearing behind it.

I gave Naruto a shock with a small jutsu.

He yelped, his support under my arm weakening.

I caught myself by infusing my legs with chakra.

Naruto paused mid-rage to beam at me.  “Hey, your legs are getting stronger.”

I glared at him.

He read my mind, slipping his arm back under mine and taking my weight again.

Sakura came back, holding a scroll out to us.

“Uh…” Naruto said.

I held my hand open and she placed it into it.

“Where’s the-” he started to ask, so I smacked him in the face with the scroll.

“The wheelchair is sealed in the scroll,” Sakura supplied.

“Dumbass,” I muttered.

Sakura grabbed me by the ear.

I was so startled by the pain that I actually let out a sharp, “Ow!”

“How in the world are you two going to leave Konoha, arguing like you do, only two arms between you, one of you in a wheelchair, and the other incapable of doing academy-level jutsu?!”

“Uh…” Naruto said.  “Well, anyway, that’s why you should come with us.”

“Who’s going to cover my shifts?  Someone who’s already working a double and is sleeping on their feet?”

“Sure, why not?”

Sakura sighed.  “Don’t die, idiots.”

“We won’t,” Naruto assured her.  “But you really won’t come?”

She shook her head.  “This is where I’m needed.”

Naruto gave her a hug and she returned it, wrapping both arms around him tightly.

I leaned on a table and watched them.

Sakura caught my eyes and pulled away, looking almost… apologetic?  “You should try out your wheelchair.  It’s the same model as Guy-sensei’s, so it’s quite maneuverable but you might have to make some adjustments,” she concluded with a glance at my empty sleeve.

“I’m sure it will be suitable,” I said.

We stood in an awkward silence.

“Okay, we’re off to the next stop!” Naruto said, sliding his arm around me.

“Do you know about the ANBU?” I asked suddenly.

Sakura’s eyes sharpened.  “What about them?”

I looked at her.  “Who’s commanding them?”

She shook her head.  “Two just arrived at the hospital yesterday and said they’d be guarding the Godaime.”

“And you didn’t think it was important to find out who was giving them orders?”

“They’re ANBU, Sasuke.  They work for the village,” she said flatly.

“A village which no longer exists.”

I expected Naruto to chime in about how I was being paranoid, but he was silent beside me, his grip tight around my waist.

“I’ll talk to Kakashi-sensei,” Sakura said, running her fingers through her bangs.  “So get going already.”

Naruto didn’t say anything as we trekked through the village, eyes darting around warily when he sensed an ANBU nearby.

We reached one of the few apartment buildings that hadn’t been damaged by the war or the God Tree.

Sai was staying on the fifth floor.

“Hello, friend and acquaintance,” he greeted us, stepping back from the door to let us in.

He looked nothing like me and I had no idea what everyone was on about.

“Mind if we sit?” Naruto said, nodding his head towards the floor.  The apartment was spartan with no furniture beyond a table in the middle of the room.

“Ah, is that how these kind of social interactions go?” Sai asked, smiling the same smile he had greeted us at the door with.

“I’ll take that as a ‘go ahead’,” Naruto said, easing me to the floor and rolling his shoulder as soon as it was free of my weight.

“Getting tired?” I asked, eyeing him.

“I’m fantastic,” he responded, sitting next to me.

Sai stood over us, still smiling that smile.

“Was he always this weird?” I asked Naruto, trying to think about the very few times I’d met my ‘replacement’.

“Yes,” Naruto said, and Sai nodded his agreement.  “So, Sai, you wanna come with us?”

“Where exactly are you going?”

“No clue,” Naruto replied.  “We’ll travel around, try and find some sustainable food sources and figure out what’s going on with the other hidden villages.  When things are more stable we’re gonna be looking into all the clan massacres and stuff, see if some of the darker practices of the villages can be brought to light, bad guys brought to justice, that kind of thing.”

“So you’re not going to be the Hokage?”

Naruto’s expression didn’t change.  “No, probably not.”

“Well, that’s good that you’ve given up on it, because the elders would never let someone digging into those kinds of matters anywhere near the seat of power.  They’ll probably try and have you killed, actually,” Sai said cheerfully.

“I’d like to see them try,” Naruto replied, just as cheerfully.

“Well, they’re mostly infirm due to being trapped inside a chakra-sucking tree for a year and a half,” Sai said.  “But they’ve still got some tricks up their sleeves.  When are we leaving?”

“Whenever you’re ready,” Naruto said with a shrug.  “Oh, man, I really gotta pee.  Where’s your bathroom?”  He got to his feet and quickly disappeared in the direction that Sai had pointed.

The room became silent.

I’d thought Sai was a bit odd, but since he wasn’t trying to make small talk I started to look at him slightly more favorably.

“You should mask your chakra better,” he said suddenly.

“Excuse me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.  I had been a missing nin for almost four years and was quite adept at masking my chakra.

“The ANBU are going to figure out that you’re here,” he said.  “They know something isn’t right.  You’re too powerful, especially when you’re with Naruto.”

“What does my proximity to the idiot have to do with anything?”

“Your chakras resonate,” he said.  He was still standing over me, mouth smiling easily while his eyes ripped me apart.  “You two glow like a beacon when you’re together.  These are some of the best ninjas in the village, they’re going to put it together.”

I studied him.  “Aren’t they under Kakashi’s command?”

“For now,” Sai said.  “Do you trust anyone’s allegiance in this new world?”

“I don’t,” I agreed.  “So why aren’t you part of the new world order?”

“Not interested,” he said simply.

“But you’re interested in coming with Naruto and I?”

“I’m interested in getting out of Konoha.”

We sized each other up.

“Great, you’re getting along!” Naruto said cheerfully as he came back into the room.  “I’m gonna take Sasuke back to Ms. Miharu’s, so why don’t you meet us there?”

“All right, pal,” Sai agreed.

We left the nothing-like-me weirdo behind and headed back towards the outskirts of Konoha.

“We’re really doing this, huh?” Naruto said as we sat side-by-side on Miharu’s porch.

“Apparently,” I said.  “With Sai.”

“He’s a good ninja.”

I looked at him.

“Or did you just want it to be the two of us?” he asked, his grin going teasing.

I rolled my eyes.

Miharu opened the gate to the garden, carrying a haul of vegetables.  She had to venture further and further out every passing day.  “So, you two are really leaving?” she called to us.

“Afraid so,” Naruto replied, getting up and going to take the heavy basket from her.

“I guess Kakashi’ll have to send me a new set of strapping young men to help out around here,” she said with a teasing smile.

“You think I’m strapping?” Naruto asked, looking delighted.

“Do you even know what it means?” I muttered.

“Yes,” he said, glowering at me.  Then he pouted.  “Maybe.”

“You’re not,” I informed him.  He had definitely lost muscle mass in the tree, though he’d somehow managed to grow a couple of inches.

“I’m the most strapping strapper that ever strapped!” he declared.

I raised one eyebrow, knowing that look always set him off.

He had finally reached the porch, and he took one look at my expression before putting the basket down, throwing me over his shoulder, and picking up the basket again as he headed inside.

I sputtered incoherently.

Miharu followed us in, looking torn between amusement and exasperation.

“I will incinerate you,” I hissed, reaching down and giving Naruto a wedgie.

“Oh my god, what is wrong with you!” Naruto cried, jumping from foot to foot, wiggling desperately.  He put the basket down on the kitchen table and tried to reach back to remove the underwear from his behind, but I smacked his hand away.

Now that he was distracted, I dropped myself to the ground and pulled him towards me by the collar of his shirt.  “You’re just fucking loving my invalidness, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” he said, reaching behind him again.

I let go of his shirt and held his arm to his side.  “…yes…?”

“When else am I ever going to have a physical advantage over you?” he asked with a grin.  “Besides, look, you’re standing on your own right now so it’s basically already over.”

Even as he was saying it, I felt my knees buckling.  I held more tightly onto his arm, struggling to keep myself upright.

“So can I please remove this underwear from my buttcrack?  It hurtsssss,” he whined.

“You deserve it,” I muttered, looking away from his pouting mouth.

“Sasukeeeee,” he continued his complaining, but he didn’t even try to break out of my hold.

I think he understood the delicate dance between us better than I did.

It was irritating.

I pushed away from him, stumbling to catch myself on the kitchen table before dropping onto one of the chairs.

“It’s like watching two clueless chimpanzees tryin’ ta court each other,” Miharu said with a loud sigh, and we both startled at her voice.

“Did you just compare us to…?” I started.

“…chimpanzees?!” Naruto concluded incredulously.

“It’s uncanny,” she said, taking some vegetables to the sink to wash.

“I wasn’t aware of any observable populations of chimpanzees in Konoha,” I commented, trying to recover my cool.

“In case you couldn’t guess from the accent, I haven’t always lived in Konoha, my little chimp friend,” Miharu responded easily.

Naruto choked on something that seemed to be a mix between a gasp and a laugh.

My glare hardened, mostly because I knew nothing about chimpanzees and their mating habits, so I had no idea how I was being made fun of.

“I’m just teasin’ y’all,” she said, giving me a warm smile.  “This house has been empty for so long, then I get you two weirdo alpha males all up in here, tryna’ out display each other.  I’m gonna miss ya, is all.”

“You miss us so you compare us to monkeys?” I muttered.

“Apes,” she corrected me.  “And yes.  Kinda reminds me of home.”

“Are you Kakashi-sensei’s illegitimate daughter?” Naruto blurted out.

We both turned to stare at him.

“No…?” Miharu said slowly.

“How old do you think Kakashi-sensei is, moron?” I asked incredulously.  Kakashi was barely old enough to have fathered one of us, and Miharu was clearly at least ten years older than we were.

“He has gray hair…”

“He was born with gray hair!”

“Oh…”

I looked at this stupid manchild who was not-so-subtly still picking his underwear out of his butt, and fuck me I was smitten.

“Well my next guess was long-lost sister,” he said, grinning.

I dropped my head on the table and hid my face in my arm.

“Do you think we look alike?” Miharu asked, sounding genuinely perplexed.

“You obviously have some kind of secret connection to Kakashi-sensei!” he protested.  “You call him ‘Kakashi’ and you always get this weird look on your face when you- I mean, uh, forget it, uhhh, sorry, I’m just babbling…  Hey, Sas’, we gotta get ready and stuff.”

I lifted my head up slightly, peering at him from over my arm.

Naruto looked nervous.

Miharu looked blasé, and I had to give it to Naruto, the expression did carry a certain level of Kakashi-ness.  Of course they looked nothing alike physically, and the idea that they could possibly be related was preposterous.

“I’ll fix us up a nice lunch if you aren’t in too much of a hurry,” Miharu offered.

“Lunch would be great,” Naruto said.  “Right, grumpy pants?”

I stared at him.

He grinned.

I helped Miharu cook while Naruto headed back into the village to scrounge up whatever supplies he could find.

She didn’t need to say anything.

I didn’t either.

“You sure y’all are gonna be okay travelling together?” she finally asked, interrupting the blissful silence.

“We can handle ourselves,” I said, stirring the pot the on the stove precisely.

“I meant more about the instability and the fighting.”

“Instability?”

“You put a hole in my floor, honey.”

I breathed out of my nose, keeping my mouth shut.

“You’re both very young, is all,” she said.  “Seems like you’re both carryin’ all this weight.  And Mr… Naruto’s just grievin’ so much right now.  Just… be careful and take care of each other.”

“Sure,” I said, watching as some of the stew sloshed over the edge of the pot I was stirring.

She gave me a sad look, but didn’t offer any more of her unsolicited advice.

 - 12 -

  Sai arrived right before sundown.  It seemed he didn’t have much going on in his life and had been able to finish his preparations for leaving the village in a few short hours.

“Be safe,” Miharu said, waving us off from the porch.

I held onto Naruto’s back and kept my head up, like it wasn’t completely demeaning.

As soon as we were through the gate, Naruto and Sai bounded up in the trees, taking off.  We moved at a breakneck speed as darkness slowly swallowed the landscape.

As it neared midnight we finally slowed down and set up camp.

“I’ll take first watch,” Sai said.

We hadn’t seen a single person since we’d started out.

Naruto helped me into my sleeping bag, but then we both just sat there staring at the fire.  He kept rolling his shoulders and it started to irritate me.

“If it’s such a burden to carry me…” I started to say.

He shook his head.  “It’s fine.  We wanted to get a good distance from the village to start.  From now on you can use your wheelchair.”

I looked at him.

He rolled his eyes.  “Sas’, there’s no one around to even see you.”

“Whatever, get some sleep,” I said, lying down and closing my eyes.

“You’re not even gonna offer to give me a massage or nothing?” Naruto complained.

I snorted and kept my eyes closed.  I heard Naruto settle in across from me, so I let myself sleep.

“Your watch,” he murmured in the early hours of the morning.

My wheelchair was already unsealed and waiting, so Naruto helped me into it before crawling back into his sleeping bag and passing out.

We were near a body of water, and a chorus of frogs echoed around us.  It was almost as annoying as Naruto’s snoring and Sai’s mere presence.

I focused on our surroundings, feeling like a ninja again.

We did another sprint in the morning, me on Naruto’s back, then took a break at lunchtime.

“There’s really nothing here,” Naruto said, glancing around as we sat and ate our rations.

“There are frogs,” I pointed out.

“Frogs aren’t food,” he said, like the idea was laughable.

“Some cultures consider them a delicacy,” Sai commented, all smiles.

Naruto looked aghast.

“All the rivers and lakes have been overfished and the woods overhunted,” I said.  “We have to eat what’s available.”

“We are not eating frogs!” he shrieked.

I felt a smile creeping into my eyes, but then I noticed Sai watching me and my frown deepened.

“Why don’t we slow down the pace for the rest of the day and check out things more closely?” Naruto suggested.  “Maybe there’s some kind of food source that we’re missing.”

“I think we either start hunting frogs or we move out more quickly,” Sai said.

“We’ll go quickly then!” Naruto exclaimed.

As we were packing up to head out again, I caught Naruto by the ankle.

He crouched down beside me.  “Hm?”

“If you’re too tired-”

“No, I’m fine,” he said, his smile crinkling around his eyes.  “I like when you worry about me, though.”

I frowned at him.

He touched my face briefly.

“No,” I said, swatting him away.

He pouted.

For the first time I was glad that Sai was there, helping me to check all of my ridiculous impulses when it came to Naruto.  Having an audience prevented scenes, especially when I had to spend the entire day with my body pressed intimately to his.

I kept my head up and aware as we travelled, refusing to relax into the inviting warmth of Naruto’s back.  I could feel how his muscles were starting to strain, feel the tension rippling through his body.

They were both exhausted, yet we kept pushing forward at breakneck speeds while I was the useless deadweight dragging them down.

We’d been traveling for a couple of hours when we finally came across the first people we’d seen since we left Konoha.  “Two kilometers ahead,” I murmured into Naruto’s ear.

His pace stuttered then picked back up.  “Sai, up ahead.”

We approached them cautiously, me wheeling along the forest terrain in my wheelchair.

They were just normal civilians from Iwa, looking for a new source of food.

“That was anticlimactic,” Naruto complained, lacing his arms behind his head as he walked and stretching his neck.

“Let’s take a break,” I told him.

“What, is your arm already tired?” he teased.

I stared at him.

“We should push a little further,” Sai said.

I found myself back on Naruto’s back.

When we finally stopped for the night, the two idiots were too exhausted to do anything.  Sai was trying to cook plates and Naruto kept rubbing his shoulder and rolling his neck like he couldn’t get rid of an ache.

“Why are we pushing so hard?” I asked.

Sai looked at Naruto.

Naruto looked blankly at Sai.

Sai looked at me.

I looked at him.

Naruto looked at both of us.  “…is something… going on?” he finally ventured.

“I don’t know, is there?” I asked, studying his guileless face and knowing immediately that even with his newfound smarts and maturity that he wasn’t capable of hiding anything from me.

He shook his head and we both turned to Sai.

“Well, I didn’t want to bring it up until we were a little further from Konoha,” Sai said with a casual shrug.

“Bring what up?” Naruto asked.

“Oh, well, about ANBU,” he said, “and how they recruited me to kill Sasuke.”

Naruto was in Sage Mode in a blink of the eye, exhaustion forgotten.

Sai held his hands up, still smiling.  “I mean your lover no harm.”

“My l-l-lover?” Naruto stuttered, flushing red even as his body glowed golden.

“Explain,” I said, trying to keep the conversation from going down any stupid rabbit holes.

“I thought you knew about the birds and the bees?” Sai said, cocking his head to the side.

“About the ANBU,” I answered evenly.

“Oh, that,” Sai hummed.  “Well, it’s exactly as I said.  The new leader of the ANBU came and asked me to join.  When I accepted, he told me that my mission would be eliminating missing nin, starting with Uchiha Sasuke.”  He turned to me, looking pleased.  “That’s you.”

“That is me,” I agreed.  “And how were you going to go about killing me?”

Sai laughed at that.  “I’m not an idiot.”

“Oh?” I asked.

“Most people in the village think that Naruto defeated Kaguya single-handedly.”

I glanced at Naruto.

He shrugged.  “I think that was part of Kakashi keeping you hidden from the Council.”

“The only people who know how powerful Uchiha is are the people who were awake for the final battle,” Sai explained.  “Fortunately, I was already aware of the details of the defeat of Kaguya and the subsequent fight at the Valley of the End, because Kakashi preemptively recruited me to his special ops unit before ANBU recruited me.”

“Huh?” Naruto said.

I rested my hand on his arm.  “Typical Konoha bullshit, but Sai and Kakashi are probably on our side.”

He stuck his lip out at me.

I stared at that lip.

“Don’t mind me, you can kiss if you want,” Sai said.  “I was reading a book the other day about animals in nature that participate in homosexual acts.”

“Saaaai,” Naruto groaned, his golden light flickering out as he dropped his head in his hand.

I searched those empty black eyes for any hint of what was going on behind them.  “So what now?”

“We get far enough away, then I go back and say that I couldn’t pull off my mission without making Naruto suspicious.”

“Why does it matter if Naruto is suspicious or not?”

“Naruto is considered the most powerful ninja alive.  Konoha wants to keep that power for themselves.”

Naruto didn’t look shocked, just tired and disappointed.  “So I’m still just a thing for Konoha to use as the leaders see fit,” he said quietly.

I nudged the back of his hand with mine.  I was sorry to be right in that moment.

“Yes, Hyuuga expects to marry you to one of his daughters and let you become the official sixth hokage instead of Kakashi,” Sai said.

Naruto looked like he’d been hit.

“Hyuuga Hiashi is the new head of the ANBU?” I asked, eyes narrowing.

“He is the new jounin commander, but he’s the one pulling the strings of the ANBU.”

“Then who’s the new head of the ANBU?” I demanded.

“Morino Ibiki.”

I shook my head.  I wasn’t surprised that the Hyuuga wanted to wipe out the Uchiha bloodline, but I was surprised that Morino would follow such a pathetic leader so easily.

“They think they’re protecting the village,” Naruto said with a sigh.

“Oh, yes,” Sai agreed.  “And if the Fifth doesn’t wake up from her coma, they’ll probably move to overthrow Kakashi.”

Naruto swallowed.

“It’s a bit earlier than I planned, but how should we proceed?” Sai asked, looking to him.

Naruto wasn’t fazed at all that someone would look to him to make the final decision.  “Do you want to stay undercover?”

“I think that would be the most advantageous move.”

Naruto turned to me.  “Sas’?”

“Oh, does my opinion matter in this conversation?”

“Of course it does,” he said, resting his hand on my shoulder more intimately than really necessary.

I looked at him.  “You understand, right?  That I can’t go back to Konoha as long as Hyuuga’s in charge?”

“That we can’t go back?” Naruto said, tilting his head to the side.  “Yeah, I got it.”

“You can go back,” I said, avoiding his eyes.

“And become a puppet in their political bullshit?  No, thanks.”

“You’re going to give up on Konoha?”

“I’m not giving up on Konoha,” he said, moving his hand to my chin so he could tilt my face towards him.  “Konoha and I just need a break.  And if there’s still a Konoha to go back to when all of this blows over…”

“This isn’t something that’s going to ‘blow over’,” I said.  I looked into his eyes, swatting his hand away.  “This is how Konoha has been since its inception.  A power grab between two factions, where the loser gets subjugated or exterminated.”

“If you’re asking me to choose between you or possibly being Hokage someday, I choose you.”

His expression was so earnest I wanted to beat it off of his face.  “I’m not asking you to choose.  Don’t put that on me.”

“Okay,” he said.  “But I love you.  I’m going wherever you go.  And if you’re never going back to Konoha, then I’m never going back to Konoha.”

“Stop making stupid declarations,” I said with a sigh.  “You don’t have to say those kinds of things, okay?  You don’t have to decide right now.  I’m not forcing you, so don’t use me as an excuse to run away.”

“This reminds me of a book I read recently,” Sai mused.  “The woman gallantly insisted that her man-”

“I don’t want to hear it,” I said, giving him a look that usually shut people up.

Sai just smiled.  “Yes, but you really remind me of that wom-”

“No, Sai, no,” Naruto said, shaking his head frantically.

Like I was so sensitive about being compared to a woman swooning for her man.  I smacked Naruto upside the head.

“What was that for?!” he cried.

I ignored him.

“I think it’s a mating ritual,” Sai observed.

I ignored him, too.  “I’ll take first watch,” I said, getting myself into my wheelchair and rolling away from the camp.  I could hear the two of them talking in the distance, deciding what the best course of action was before succumbing to sleep.

My heart was racing.  It was so irritating, that I would be affected by something I knew had to be coming.  Fucking Hyuuga.  Fucking Morino.  Fucking Konoha.  It barely even still existed and it was fucking up my life.

I wasn’t any calmer spending three hours chasing my thoughts, and Sai probably didn’t appreciate me nudging my wheelchair into him to get him up.

He just smiled at me, though, and went to take up his post.

I struggled out of my wheelchair, thudding inelegantly onto the ground before struggling into my sleeping bag.

“What’s wrong?” came Naruto’s sleep-muffled voice.

“Nothing.  Go to sleep.”

“Your chakra itches.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know, it’s all… itchy.  On my skin.”

“That didn’t clarify things.”

“I feel you, Sas’,” he said, looking at me intensely as he shuffled his sleeping bag closer.

“And now you’ve made it creepy,” I said, turning my back to him.

I didn’t expect him to press in close and wrap his arm around me.

It felt so damn familiar.

I turned back around so I could push him away.  “Go back to Konoha with Sai.  Tell them that Sai tried to kill me but I got away.  Tell them and just forget about me.  Marry the Hyuuga girl and make your precious little Naruto Jr. and -”

“You know I’m not going to do that.”

“I can’t change you like this.”

“How am I changing?”

“This isn’t how things are supposed to be.”

“Well it’s how they are.”

“Naruto,” I said, frustrated and exasperated and angry.

“What?” he asked gently.

“You’re going to look back at this moment and you’re going to regret it.”

“You know what I regret the most in my life?” he asked.  “I regret not following you when you left the village after the war.”

“That didn’t really happen.”

“It happened for me,” he said.  “I’m not saying my life would have necessarily been easier or happier if I’d followed you, but…”

“But what?” I asked when he didn’t continue.

There was that awful sad look on his face again.  “Becoming Hokage was a mistake.  Letting the village continue how it was was a mistake.  Marrying…  It was all a mistake, okay?  That’s not the man I want to be.  The kind of man I want to be is the kind of man who travels around with his best friend, trying to make real changes to this messed up world we’re living in.”

“I’m not trying to change anything.”

“Whatever, Sas’.  Stop making my skin all itchy and go to sleep.”

I felt outmaneuvered and exhausted.  He was going to have the last word, and it rankled.  “You’re dumb,” I said, which was such a childish and stupid thing to say that it made my defeat all the more obvious.

“And you’re mean,” he said, chuffing my shoulder before rolling his sleeping bag back to its original spot.

I didn’t sleep very well.

[cyb-by-lang]

OSF AU - All the Little Children (5/?)

Part 5: Wherein an uneven fight is had and Garp is still a shitty grandparent.

Content warnings: Garp being a shitty grandparent (specifically by fist-fighting a panicked pack of preteens).

This is stupid.

Ace watched, his limbs locked in place.

The two weird kids just dove straight at Gramps even though he was so much bigger and stronger and faster than anyone else Ace had ever met. One of them had wings and the other had claws and fangs and both of them had weird pets, but they’d never win.

This is stupid.

Ace’s hands clenched on his pipe.

Whenever one of the strangers would get knocked away or through a tree or into the air, the other would cover the hole they’d left. Naruto would make copies of himself like it was nothing, trying to pin Gramps down so Fairy—Fū, her name was Fū— could break his nose or something. Either way, she just got punched and bowled ass over teakettle and it didn’t make a difference.

Sabo was tugging on his arm. Luffy had a death grip on his shirt.

And Ace couldn’t move away.

This is so fucking stupid!

One foot landed in front of the other, and the next thing Ace knew, he was running right for Gramps. Luffy and Sabo were right behind him, because they always were and took cues from him even when it was a bad idea. This was a bad idea. This entire day had been a bad idea and he had the scratches to show for it.

“DAMN IIIIIIT!” Ace heard himself scream, even as he dashed in and planted his pipe squarely in the hollow of Gramps’s knee.

The old man grunted and flinched, but not for long. The next thing Ace knew, he was flying backward and rolling across the forest floor. He got to his feet almost instantly, half-surprised that he still could. Normally, Gramps hit way harder.

And just for a second, he stared at his pipe.

Ace had never landed a solid hit before! Sure, the fox monster was chewing on Gramps’s leg and keeping him from responding to everything, but that was a clean hit!

“YAAAAAA!” Luffy hollered, landing on Gramps’s back to no effect whatsoever. If the little bug worm hadn’t been spitting silk in his ear, Luffy wouldn’t have landed on Gramps at all. He was just too fast.

“Eat dirt, you shitty old man!” screeched a new monster, small and yellow-brown with spots. It tackled Gramps’s other leg and wrapped its little arms around it, still making a ton of noise. “HOW DARE YOU HIT GAARA! I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL EAT YOU FROM THE TOES UP!”

Right above the little caterwauling thing, Sabo jammed his pipe into Gramps’s elbow to throw off a punch and almost made Gramps fall down from overbalacing.

“I told you three to run!” Naruto shouted, in between more of his copies being punched out of existence over and over. He grabbed Ace’s shirt collar and tried to shove him away from the fight. “Get out of here!”

“This isn’t even your fight!” Ace yelled back in his face, “You should’ve run, too!”

“I’m really bad at running!”

“SO AM I!”

At that point, the tone of the fight shifted. Sure, Ace found some common ground with the guy who threw an animal in his face—which was kinda weird, but that wasn’t the bit that was important. Instead, tons and tons of sand ripped its way out of the ground and changed the whole clearing into something straight out of the big beaches on the edges of Dawn Island, where Ace usually didn’t go. None of their feet sank into the sand, but Gramps was trapped almost up to his knees before he threw Luffy and the little animals off.

Then a shape showed up, forming right out of the sand into the shape of a person who stalked right toward the fight.

“Stop. Attacking. My. Friends,” hissed the creepy redhead kid from last time—Gaara. His nose was a mess, worse than Ace remembered from his own fight with Porchemy, but he was still up after what might’ve been one of Garp’s punches. Freaky as hell.

“QUIT TRYING TO KIDNAP MY GRANDSONS!” the old man replied a voice that shook leaves from trees.

For a very long second, no one said anything. Everyone was frozen mid-punch or mid-flinch, or maybe mid-bite as far as the little animals went. Naruto’s jaw hung open, as did Sabo’s.

Then the orange fox said in the flattest tone imaginable, “…What.”

“That might be more convincing if you hadn’t hit that one,” said the green grub, waving its little nubs in Ace’s direction. “You’re pulling our tails, aren’t you?”

“Practically the first rule of heroism is that you don’t hit kids!” Fū said, with those orange wings buzzing like a dragonfly’s. “How can you claim to be anyone’s grandpa when you’re doing that?!”

And to Ace’s shock, Gramps actually let Luffy climb down. And didn’t instantly punch anyone. Instead, he faced down this girl less than half his size, her hands on her hips, and he crouched until he could speak directly to her face.

“I,” Gramps said, slow at first, “AM TRAINING THEM TO BE STRONG MARINES!”

“BULLSHIT!” Naruto bellowed, standing shoulder to shoulder with Fū, between Gramps and Sabo and Ace.

Luffy shot around the sand ring, propelled by Gaara’s weird power, until Sabo could grab onto him. He took a deep breath and his rubbery chest swelled up before he shouted, “I DON’T WANNA BE A MARINE! I’M GONNA BE A PIRATE!”

Ace almost pinched Luffy’s ear and pulled on it, for all the good it’d do. Even if he was serious, he didn’t have to say that to their demon Gramps’s face! He was half-tempted to cuff him over the head if he thought it’d work. But it was already out and in the air and oh boy.

They were dead.

The next few minutes were pure hell. Gramps shook off the sand and the silk and everything else keeping him stuck in place, throwing punches like there was a quota and he was behind. Ace ended up face-down in the dirt with a knot on his head in the first thirty seconds of the new fight, with Sabo sprawled across his legs. Luffy might’ve hit the ground a little later, but Ace was too dizzy to notice anything afterward.

When Ace could move again, it was afternoon instead of mid-morning and his stomach was growling like a tiger was lost in it. He sat up despite the awful headache, pressing a hand gingerly to his swollen forehead. With a hiss, he pulled his hand away and tried looking around.

The forest was a lot flatter than he remembered. The nearest trees were smashed from about Luffy’s height on up, turning the place into a stump-littered hazard zone.

“We have a live one!” said a voice that was way too close, and Ace flinched before he realized it was coming from the same green grub from before. It sat next to Sabo’s groaning face, then said, “Or two.”

Within four seconds, the fairy-girl flew out of the remaining trees and landed lightly next to him. Aside from her hair being a little messed up and her clothes being ripped in places, she didn’t look any different than before. Before Ace could ask her how, she was poking and prodding at his injuries and his face.

“Hey, hands off!” Ace managed, though his voice was a little weaker than before. He was still exhausted and bruised and she wasn’t helping.

“It’s okay, Ace,” Fū said, finally settling for bracing his shoulder with her hand. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

Ace still leaned away from her. Somewhat sullen, because he couldn’t give up, he stammered, “D-don’t go thinking this—that stuff—makes up for what your friends did.” Wait— “Where’s Luffy?!”

“He’s with Naruto and Gaara,” Fū said, which really wasn’t as reassuring as she thought it was. Probably. “Can you walk?”

“’Course I can!” Ace said and shoved himself to his feet even though he swayed when he got there and his vision turned black for a bit.

“Then I’ll carry Sabo,” Fū said, and she picked up Ace’s best friend like he didn’t weigh anything so she could carry him on her back. The worm that traveled with her was already climbing up her leg by the time Ace could think of what to say next.

“What’re you gonna do with him?” Ace demanded, though she wasn’t flying away. As long as she walked, he could keep up.

“You, and me, and him, are all gonna find a place to sleep this off,” Fū replied, letting Ace walk ahead of her. “And then your asshole grandpa invited us for dinner.”

“The hell?”

“That’s what Naruto said,” Fū said in a darker voice. She sighed. “But as long as he’s hunting, he’s not beating anyone up. So it’ll have to do for now.”

“Why do you care?” Ace asked finally, frustrated. What did this crazy girl want? “If you’d just run, we’d be fine. He’s never trying to kill us for real.”

No one ever acted nice without wanting something.

Ace knew where he stood with the bandits, because they didn’t care if he fell down a ravine and died and the feeling was mutual most of the time. He put their lives in danger just by existing, so he got it, even if he hated it.

Sabo was different, because they’d needed each other and Ace wanteded someone to share his dreams with. Sabo was the first person Ace had ever tried trusting, and it had paid off enough that he could try again. Over years. At the beginning, though…

Luffy—Luffy was easy to read. He was so fucking lonely he’d grab onto anyone—but he’d chosen Ace. Had chased Ace off cliffs and over rivers and all the way to Gray Terminal, where he’d nearly died even worse than ever. Ace had almost left him, even knowing what Porchemy was like.

Fū asked, “Is it really that hard to believe that I just want to do something nice?”

“Everyone wants something,” Ace replied coldly.

“And I want to do something nice,” Fū said, smiling like there was nothing wrong in the world.

Ace looked away, grumbling, and they walked on.