#if she had been walking to the floor ?
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came back just to post these. okay bye
#gbf#belifaa#did you get triple zero (summon)? the sanfaa scissoring summon? SSS? i sierotixed it. It was awesome. Everythung in gbf is going right for#e except for the fact that i had to sieroticket it but its alright. just the notion of so much lucilius is just enough to put me back on my#feet again it’s almsot unreal how much lucilius-centric stuff theyve pushed out the past few months. his GBVSR debut. his summon.#Omg when I saw the gbfes fashion show i was a few seconds behind zen and she told me “You wont believe this” and I was like “WHAT? BELIEVE#WHAT? WHAT? WHAYT DO YOU MEAN” and the official lucilius cosplayer walked out in his robes it felt unreal unreal like it was seeing my onl#dreams come true after years and years of being like Theres no way they’d do that. There’s no way they’d make a cosplay for lucilius in his#robes because hes in his void outfit forever. BUT THEY DID…..AND THERE WAS BLOOD UNDER HIS SKIN….AND HIS LIPS WERE GLOSSED…AND HE HAD A LIT#LE BIT OF TAREME AND TSURIME (TARIME) ACTION ON HIS EYES AND EVERYTIME HE WALKED HIS ROBES KIND OF FLUTTERED AS HE SHUFFLED ALONG I HAD TO#SIT ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR lay down on the bathroom floor and I almpst puked from how nauseous it made me i was OVERJOYED BEYOND MY PHYSICAL#LIMITATIONS OF HAPPINESS . I WAS SO HAPPY. THIS YEAR HAS BEEN UTTERLY MISERABLE FOR ME AND I HAVE NOT BEEN THIS DEPRESSED SINCE HIGH SCHOOL#BUT SEEING LUCILIUS like this genuinely blew me off my socks . I don’t know if i should be 100% thankful because I’ve been trying to figure#out how to balance my emotional state with the media i consume but#I think i really needed it. thank you lucilius for ending my 2023
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sorry this is the ONLY discourse ill allow myself to participate in post finale of agatha all along (or i fear i will lose my mind entirely), but DAMN some people out here rn after the finale being like “i’m sorry you didn’t get the agathario smut you wanted” BITCH!!!! I WASNT ASKING FOR THEM TO FUCK ON SCREEN!!!! i didn’t even need them to get together or even get any semblance of a happy ending!!! i didn’t expect a happy ending in the least tbh!!!!! but you know what i did expect? a final ending. a wrap up. a satisfying and complete finale. a conclusion that actually answers any one of my remaining questions or gave us more context for scenes that we’ve been missing context on the entire time. and i’m sorry but this finale didn’t do that at all. and it’s obviously not bury your gays but jesus christ it wasn’t a good conclusion either. at best it’s honestly a cheap set up for a season two or further content with billy that will prob include bits and pieces of agatha
#i am. beyond words#i was already feeling pretty ick about the ending for a few reasons#but scrolling on the aaa tag is making me so much grouchier#bc some of you bitches are acting like everyone else is dumb and ungrateful just because we’re not kissing the floors jac schaeffer walks o#like PLEASE i love jac i LOVE HER i had so much hope and faith in her and that’s why im upset!!#bc it feels like she didn’t wrap up HER OWN STORY properly#it’s not because she killed off agatha or didn’t get agathario together again#it’s fuckin because i watched the ending and felt just so empty bc of how … incomplete it was??#and then it’s like. well maybe it’s incomplete bc they’re gonna make a s2 or some kind of#elaboration#but that just pisses me off more bc that’s fucking CAPATALISM and CORPORATE GREED controlling it AGAIN#bc yknow what? ten years ago??? this finale would’ve been the half season finale#and we would’ve had twelve+ more episodes to wrap up this season#and to contextualize it#and to even give it filler!!#bring back filler episodes#i’m so sick of back to back action plot packed episodes bro……. what are we even doing#im a little drunk prob gonna delete later#is this unintentionally kind of a subtweet at another post i saw on here? yes? sorry bestie but i am nonconfrontational#and didn’t wanna comment on anybody’s post seeming like i’m trying to fight bc i don’t want to 😭 i just completely fucking disagree#with some of these takes#(ahem hope disney is paying some of you for all that bootlicking)#sorry i am not sober#silas speaks#agatha all along#agathario
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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Tried to pick the best of the photos. The photo in the bathroom, with my mirror kinda dirty was so good I was not able to recreate it once I cleaned the mirror. I forgot to take photos until like the end of the day when I was sweaty and very tried except the middle one. So. Not quiet my best work lol. I had fun tho and I was able to wear my respirator over the wig/extra bump it wig attachment and veil.
#I had someone go great Lydia costume as I was walking in the law school I fear she might have been the only one who knew who I was#I was wearing gaint goth stompers under the dress bc it was like beyond floor length. I like didn’t need the clothespin at the chest#I just. thought I should have less deep a v being in class especially if I had to bend down and grab soemthing if I dropped something lol#I had to cut the hair#for the wig and style it with hhhh pomade it was a little hard but it was fun#lydia deetz#beetlejuice#my face#might delete later in fear of anonymity. but I truly might not take the bar and then I don’t care haha
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Your dead pet showing up in your dreams gotta be top 5 most horrible things for me and it doesn't necessarily need to be a sad dream it jut fucks me up
#i recently had a dream where I was walking down the street and suddenly saw my cat and I was overjoyed#and in the dream i think she had been lost or something#i had the feeling that I was seeing her after a long time#she was kinda injured#and my sister was with me so I told her we needed to take her to the vet asap but my sister#kept telling me i couldn't do that and i needed to let her go#so i put her down on the floor again and the cat left#and I woke up
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RANT
#hey boss#u uh- u said i was working sun n wed- can i have more consistent days so i have days to block out for interviews?#.#uve been forewarned#ok so its four months into my gap year and HOLY SHIT JOB SEARCHING IS SO FRUSTRATING#so im working as a clerk at this law firm mon and wed (only 8 hours total tho)#n i THOT i had my reatil job in the bag but then boss goes “yea im really sorry but i cant give u three days - only sundays and weds”#so i was like great ok i need another job thats cool ill just bliock out sundays and weds for potential employers#THEN on sat boss texts n goes “ahhh i dont need u till next week- also can u switch ur wed to fri”. ??????? MA'AM#so i go#she says sorry kid i dont WHICH IS FINE I APPRICIATE THE COMMUNICATION#so i have an interview the next day at a coffee shop for a time THE MANAGER OFFERED#i show up after having pit my day aside for this noon interview#i walk in employees go “uh ho manager stepped out”#she camnt come back for the rest of the day AND doesnt apologize in her email- just “unfourntallyyyy i didnt have time to check my email”#MAAM YOU SEND THE INVITE#whatever#luckily last friday i was invited to this job fair by like four diff locations in san fran n was immeditaly hired#(first trial shift tmr yay!)#but the commute is gonna be KILLER#however im hopeful n i love coffee so yay#also my pet sitting is taking off ive got two sits booked for october#which is suprising bc im also traveling for half the month#manchester edenbrough st andrews milan lake como babayyyyyyy#also this thursday im heading to chicago and maine for a wedding (yay go love!) and to tenessee for another wedding in jan#so now ive got law firm retail associate barista dog sitter n i just KNOW when the holidays roll around n both retail jobs will be wack ill#be floored#but. ahem anywats good things frustrating thinsg stressful things but GOD am i glad i took this gap year#oh yea and ive been hiking tones! lands end trail#tilden park
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I cannot survive this day lol
#it’s only noon and I need to go to bed immediately and start over#our one triumph today: at the dentist he had his first truly epic blowout - we’re talking poop all up his back inside his onesie#no changing table in the bathroom#and my mom had taken the car so no access to the more elaborate changing setup in the car#so I had to change him on the floor using the three remaining wipes in the pack#while he screamed like he was being tortured and kicked poop everywhere#but we did it we made it and then he chugged a bottle of milk like a soldier who’d just survived his first skirmish with the enemy#I have to take ruthie to the vet in a couple hours but she’s started acting fine today so I’m afraid I’ll be wasting a huge amount of money#meanwhile Pip has started vomiting everywhere#but I think he’s just stressed about baby/sudden change#naturally though I had to have a huge crying jag in the bathroom about the fact of his mortality#anyway friends I’m hanging in there#I need to just simplify simplify simplify#I will lie down for a bit now#then I will try to walk the dogs so it’s out of the way#need to leave by 2:30 to get Ruthie in#and I can listen to a hockey podcast and feel more human on the way#then once that’s done I can just do nothing tonight if I need to#my mom is leaving around 4 for the evening but#I’ve mixed the formula and cleaned all the bottles so I think I can just like#hopefully lie around with the baby#the other thing I need to do is write my mom a thank you letter before she leaves#I just haven’t had the energy but maybe I can ask her to take the baby for an hour tomorrow#and sit outside somewhere and work on it#postpartum tag#today has just been a higher difficulty level lol but I’ll have other kinds of days too#all will be well
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start of 2022 to june 2023 was the longest streak i ever went without going to the hospital outside scheduled appointments and not even a year later i have a nearly three week stint in the hospital and am back to being on a feeding tube 16 hours a day for the first time since i was a toddler. i usually joke about being disabled and stuff but this shit sucks. i hate that my health has just been insane since i’ve been in the womb and there’s absolutely no stability in terms of knowing how well i’m doing. stopped having hospitalized pneumonias when i was ten, then had one when i was 17 and like it’s been almost ten years but who knows!!! hopefully the next time i need heart surgery it’ll be a cardiac cath instead of open heart b it who’s to say!!! we never thought I’d be on a tube again but here i am at 26 and I’ve had two types just this month!!! all the doctors talking to me tell me how well i’m handling things and how complex my case is and how they hope they get me “back to normal” because i’m “just so young” and then just look sad when i say I’ve gotten used to this since birth. i’m just so fucking tired. this shit just doesn’t end y’know, you think you’re finally something close to normal and healthy and then you realize you were just going through a quiet period
anyway sorry for the vent post have a picture of my dear sweet friend pim pimling
#had a phlebotomist during my stay walk in and go ‘you’re too young to be here!’#and I try to joke and have a good attitude and just kind went ‘eh I’ve been in hospitals since I was a baby!’#and she just got quiet and sad and like. sorry. really wasn’t trying to bring the mood down#(she was right though. I was the youngest on the floor by about thirty years)#anyway one of my surgeons wants to present my case at a Gi conference so that’s fun#the thing is I have a lot of rare defects that aren’t inherently comorbid which is… complicated#I’ve had many doctors straight up admit they don’t know what to do with me#some of my disabilities are commonly comorbid but… a lot of them really aren’t. i’m just a weird mixed bag#and a lot of people even medical professionals have just never met anyone with some of my disabilities#they’re not like. ‘only a few hundred or thousand cases’ type of rare#but they’re ‘if you’re not a specialist you could probably never meet someone with this’ rare for some of them
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#lowkey went to see skz today 👀#i should have invested in some opera glasses bc i couldn't see shit....#it was still fun tho i impulse bought a lightstick and it's actually so cool having it sync up 🥹#my crush on bang chan has been resolidified he is so fucking talented and so caring and he just wants to give back everything 10x#the way he walked all the way to the end of each end of the stage multiple times to say hi to people off to each side#also boy can Move like i had my chan goggles on and there were times main dancers were the focus but he was all i could see 🤧#i still think it would have been more fun to go with a friend but i had a way better time than the last kpop concert i went to#everyone in the section i sat in decided to stay seated for most of the concert and i'm So grateful#i would have struggled so much if i'd had to stand for 3 hours and then get back to where i'm staying#like in some ways i wish i'd gotten closer seats but at least i wasn't on the floor forced to stand the whole time#there was a girl in the section next to mine who was possessed by a demon yelling yang jeongin every time there was a moment of silence#it was truly upsetting it sounded like she was actively dying....#i forgot how many skz songs i actually know really well tho they have so many bangers#good gig overall i'm pleased i went ^^
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me and the work girlies having socialist convos at the end of the day
#funny as hell like. we finished our workload about half an hour early#because they've hired so many of us temps. who are improving at the job each day#that there's just been less to spread around#yet bc work culture is dumb our manager suddenly told everyone to push the carts we'd already sorted#into a square in the middle of the floor? which we've never done before#and the permanent staff had no idea why either. they were also confused but resigned#I passed one and said ''hey so is this just because we have 20 minutes of the shift left''#and she just laughed and shrugged and was like idk ask him lmaooo#definition of busywork#so we're all just standing around for 10 minutes until the manager starts calling people over to move... other stuff idk.#and I'm walking to join them when this small group of coworkers behind me goes HEY#you don't need to go. look he's got enough people and he's not looking stay heeere#so we just end up swapping stories about the managers giving us tips to process the conveyer faster#even tho we uhhh work SO hard already. :)#and one woman went ''I was thinking. ummm. I could go faster. but you gonna pay me more??? so I worked slower ❤️''#nothing but respect for us grunts here tho vs the management. I've never known a single person in the 3 weeks I've been here#to not come and help someone who looks busy on the opposite conveyer when theirs is slow#turns out people are naturally nice and helpful when you don't take advantage and try and make them work harder#bosses will never learn this <3
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i only have like 2 mutuals that have played both but walk with me and consider the horrible aftermath of akane kurashiki playing tales of the abyss
#cliffnotes/.txt#a game with a central theme about defying fate if it isn't what you wish for#no matter how fruitless it might seem becsuse in the end it is your life and you have a choice#and here u have akane kurashiki who has no choice#or feels she has none anyways#her life has already been played out and shown to her in every instance#she knows who she is and will be#there is no other path for her#how would she feel having never gotten the chance to be her own person that wasn't a predetermined ole#*role#and seeing luke and asch fight like hell for their own identities#instead of only being defined by the situations they were placed in#i think aoi would walk in to her lying on the floor motionless#and it scares the shit out of him but he goes over and shes just#wide eyed staring unblinking at the wall#i had a small drawing idea for this also but idk if ill say it bc idk when ill draw it
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#chronic blogging#shit chat#well at this point both of my parents (who i inherited my Just Tough It Out streak from) have#upon hearing how bad my post-hysterectomy pain has been#told me 'umm no you need to go see someone.' and 'please just go to urgent care i will pay for it if your insurance won't.' respectively#haunted by the ghost of my right ovary (sharp stabbing pains & debilitating muscle spasms around the incision site)#it's been 1.5 years since surgery and it's getting worse not better#at my 1mo post op i was like 'hey right side hurts a lot worse & the incision seems really wonky & off-center. thoughts?'#they said it was nothing to worry about give it time i might still be feeling pain up to 6mo post op#sooo 8mo post op contact surgeon again 'hey remember that thing i mentioned? yeah still hurts bad enough i struggle to walk sometimes'#she says eeehhh maybe you developed pelvic floor dysfunction or always had it and surgery made it worse. read this book & do some stretches#book stretches & muscle relaxers helped for a bit so i just carried on but it was not improving in fact becoming more persistent#lil over a year post op contact surgeon like 'HEY do not ignore me i am in an amount of pain that is NOT NORMAL and you WILL see me'#drive 1+ hrs for her to poke at me for ~10 minutes ignore most of what i was saying and determine it's just muscle spasms do more stretches#said physical therapy MIGHT help if i did it 2x monthly for at least 6mo. which would've involved commuting over an hour during the workweek#no THANK you i'll just keep doing my stupid stretches. and the thing is.#the stretches ARE helping. i feel my overall balance/flexibility/stamina improving#but that by contrast is making the STABBING PAINS WHERE MY RIGHT OVARY USED TO BE all the more obvious#'oh it's just muscle spasms' well why the FUCK are my muscles spasming around THIS SPOT EXCLUSIVELY for SEVENTEEN MONTHS STRAIGHT#i have essentially no pain on my left side at all. i feel overall just fine & dandy but i am convinced there is something#like. very seriously wrong on the right side causing this#and yeah if my surgeon won't listen to me maybe i will check myself into urgent care and demand an ultrasound#(which btw i asked for during my last visit & she told me it was unnecessary & to fuck off)#but now the two people who instilled me with a very deep mistrust for the medical industry#and from who i learned from via a lifetime of observation how to dissociate from chronic pain in order to function#are telling me 'yeah no this is bad you need a DOCTOR.' umm. i probably need a doctor.#was talking w/ E last night about degrees of pain & like. avg day is like 4-6 on a 0-10 scale. good days 2-3.#i don't consider calling out from work unless it's like an 8 or higher cause i'm just so used to it.#i'm sick of it. so fucking bored with being in constant pain. i want my life & energy back. i want a personality beyond Oh Just Tired back.#i wanna be able to enjoy touch again with immediately hitting overstimulation threshold due to pain.
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Fundamentalist christians don't care if something is a lie as long as it isn't "unbiblical".
#i stopped frequentimg the church my family goes to because the pastors have been pretty relentlessly anti-science#and not in the antivax way. we've circled back to “psychology is demonic and depression is a sin” preachings.#so my aunt came talk to me out of concern because my mom is convinced i'm evil or whatever#she asked me why I wasn't coming to church so I told her “bc the pastor's always spewing some nonsense completely divorced from reality”#and she asked “but is it 'divorced from reality' or is 'unbiblical'?”#and I (frustrated and too socially exhausted to mask) asked her to point to me where in the bible it says depression is a sin#and she was all “oh we know it isn't but that's silly. are you really walking away from jesus because of that?”#to me. who had to go stay with my other aunt who lives back in my hometown#because every day I was contemplating diving headfirst from upstairs into the concrete floor#and only didn't because I thought I might survive#anyway if you're in a fundie church leave. run and never come back. they're a death cult#sprry for typos and the weird ramble I'm just going insane right now#long story short i'm looking for another congregation#christianity
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I miss my childhood house so much I would give anything to grab the knob at the end of the banister and jump from the third step and catch a million seconds of air while I whip myself around the banister and down the hall
#I also miss my treehouse and the pool table I would use for fashion shows and the smell of the “secret garden” under the stairs and#the way the house would settle and the planes overhead and that stain on the carpet from where I dropped an entire plate of mac n cheese#and the distinct smell of my mom’s closet and climbing down over the back bank and going to the entryway where the ceiling was two stories#high and throwing bouncy balls as hard as I could to get them to bounce off the ceiling and the rope swing in the backyard and eating#the buttercups that grew there bc I read once they were edible and the sound your nails made when they scratched across the counter and#using hot clue to peel off paint and make patterns on the workbench and the shed that smelled like gasoline and climbing the tree that#my dad installed handles into to make it easier and making umbrella forts and playing washing machine (spinning around and around in#circles with your arms out then falling to the floor and watching the room spin) and the mismatched rung on the banister from where#I broke it and the sound of the cat door and how the garage door was so heavy that it would slam if you didn’t prop it open and how the#smell of laundry would waft up into my room and how if you laid on the bathroom floor you could see a piece of the old yellow flower#wallpaper that my mom missed when she ripped it out and the sound of the sliding glass door that we could never quite get clean and#the sound that the bag full of bags would make when you opened the pantry door too far and how my neighbor always used to sing when#she brought her trash out late at night and the crunch sound the carpet would make when you walked on the edge and how raccoons would#always come to the back door and my cat would try to scare them away and being scared to go into my mom’s bathroom bc the shower#had been ripped out for years after my dad tried to power wash it so it left several gaping holes to the rest of the house but there were#spiders in there for all I knew or cared#carmen.txt
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is the "my mom was obsessed with teen pop stars and with tlc kids dancing shows so she was convinced i was going to be the next britney spears" thing common or was that just my mom. I feel like that was a whole thing
#also ps my dance teacher HATED me#when we would do shows she didnt let me have a dressing room (there were enough) she put me in the unisex bathroom instead#it was 1 stall that everyone had to share. so i did not get privacy when i was changing costumes#and there was pee on the floor. and it smelled bad. and there was no place to hang my costumes so they had to be on the floor#and some lady accused me of flashing her bc she walked in on me costume changing#the lock was broken and i had to change!!! sorry!!! shouldve knocked#anyway im not sure why she hated me. i think she caught on that i was shy and didnt wanna be there#but mannnn i couldnt help that my mom wanted me to do that shit#i feel like I've been going on a while so I'll go ahead and tag this#vent#anyway none of the other kids liked me either because i was weird and told them i was a witch#omg just like Lilo fr /hj#anyway i did not like my dance teacher she made me cry regularly.#she would purposly humiliate me regularly! and i. dont like thinking about it so im gonna stop now
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How do you think majima hit his ex wife ? Do you think he did it like kiryu slapped haruka , he whapped his hand over her cheek like a reflex, without even thinking. Do you think he revved up for a backhand during an argument, or maybe he grabbed her by the shoulders and straight up threw her to the ground while she was at her most vulnerable and then he walked out the door and never looked back
#Yakuza loveblog#we dont give majima enough shit for hitting mirei but she seems so wistful when she was talking aboht it#mirei is .. shes like haruka but not because when something terrible happens to haruka she files that emotion away and keeps trucking on wit#her angellic smile but when mireis going through a lot she shuts down and she gets that blank expression a lot more like majima does ..#maybe he got that from her ?? i think she got the abortion and went home to tell majima about it. all the while that blank look plastered on#her face and she tells him that she was pregnant and before he could have any resction to that news she tells him she got rid of it#and majima is shocked he looks at her face and he gets mad it looks like she doesnt give a shit. she didnt even tell him she didnt even#trust him and he shoves her to the floor he’d yelled at her for a reason he cant even remember now and she looks at him without any emotion#and he figures it out. that she was right not to trust him because hes like This. and she doesnt love him because hes like this so he walks#away knowing he doesnt deserve anything from her because she was hurting and he could only make it worse. and maybe he cried a bit over her#had a few angry tears at some bar but she never shed a tear over him because thats just not who she is#she recounts the story to haruka with a blank expression and a slow#calm voice that betrays no emotion ... she really loved majima that much was obvious .. neither of them had been really ready for a#relationship but i believed they did love each other they just didnt know how to deal with two things at once
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