#if only i had the time to channel this energy into some kind of creative project...

[lalalaugenbrot]

.

[leighlew3]

What were the aspects of Supergirl (show in general or character) that resonated with you personally?

First and foremost, Kara herself... as someone with a ton of trauma, who would have every reason to do not so great things or wield her power for evil, yet does good things and channels her energy into trying to help people -- she's amazing. She is someone who feels isolated a lot of the time and struggles with anger issues but ultimately is such a light and a good person and somebody that just wants to do good for the world, even when it's not always appreciated or understood. Even if it means constant self sacrifice.

I relate to pretty much all of that.

I also loved the idea of Supercorp obviously, because it was such an epic tale in how they were so similar but so different and so inherently fated to be side by side. It could've been so successful if canon romantic on the show instead of just baited. Taking the decades-old lore of Super vs Luthor and instead turning into Super & Luthor -- a story of hate turned into a love story -- that's an incredible concept, and so rich and full of so much storytelling potential. Them just being friends is the 'lite' version of turning that lore on its head. But to go even deeper would've been nothing short of revolutionary.

Alas, instead they chose to tarnish the show's legacy and taint the good it DID do elsewhere in LGBTQ representation (because YES a show can have ancillary rep but still queerbait a lead dynamic -- especially when it's bait that existed before any other rep was even introduced on the show) ...by choosing to be one of the worst examples of queerbait in TV history (due to all of the romanic tropes and parallels and teases and lack of denials by TPTB who very clearly wanted people to stay tuned in based on hope for canon endgame since that very first Clois parallel in 2x01). It was also just an absolute waste of creative potential and true travesty that ultimately only hurt the show and cast and fans and everyone involved, whether everyone is ready to admit it or not.

Anyway, I enjoyed the fact that so many of the characters -- from Kara and Lena (these two especially), to Alex, Nia, and Kelly... so many of them came loaded with one form of trauma or another, but they still were ultimately inherently good people, a great example of 'found family', and heroic as heck in the end, no matter how dark it got at times for some. In large part because they had each other. I mean, I wish they all weren't LITERAL superheroes or supernatural by the end because I think the show (amongst numerous other issues) lost sight of their own messaging that "anyone can be a hero even without powers" but -- they really were inherently such good / ripe characters, the women especially (plus Brainy and J'onn).

Sure, they all (again, the women especially) often were sadly let down by superficial or just plain poor writing and overall creative direction a lot of the time, especially in the end -- but at the core, everyone could find something to relate to in at least one character, if not multiple characters, and that's great.

I know much like fans of Dana Scully in the 90s, a LOT of girls/women were inspired to get into STEM over this last decade now because of Katie McGrath's portrayal of Lena Luthor. And even more people related to Lena's trauma as a survivor of lifelong abuse at the hands of her family and especially her unhinged brother. Seeing that someone can slip into darkness as the result of years of sadistic mind games and abuse of all kinds but still come out the other side a hero, empowered, and a good person who helps others and is capable of loving and deserving of being loved? That's beautiful, and Lena offered that to SO many viewers, so it's no wonder she was a top fan favorite second only to the lead herself. And seeing how that impacted people, was so very moving.

Seeing people impacted by Alex's coming out arc in Season 2 was amazing. Having the first trans superhero on TV was amazing. And so on...

Look, there's a lot the show did wrong. In fact, possibly more was done poorly or wrong than well or good, overall, unfortunately. Alas, there were some little sparks of light to be truly appreciated.

But again, for me, I connected most to Kara's story, her strength, her dichotomy, and her indelible sense of HOPE... despite every reason at times to give up. And to the Kara/Lena love story, in all its infinite, incredible, and still mostly untapped potential.

[empressofthewind]

what do you think could be Mello's hobbies??

Thank you for the ask!! This is a question I've wondered about a lot.

In canon, I don't think he had a ton of time for himself. He was very focused on the case and that would've eaten up most of his time and energy. I DO get the impression that he puts a lot of effort into his appearance, and enjoys doing things like makeup and painting his nails and fashion in general. I think he takes really good care of himself and would be particular about his self-presentation. I also like the idea of him as a writer, per LABB. I think at Wammy's House, he was a big reader as well. I actually think it's really sweet for him to have quieter hobbies like that, given that his character & life in general is so active and a little violent.

It wouldn't surprise me if Mello kept up with L's activity during the timeskip period too - I'm pretty sure I've read that Light was still solving cases during this time, although I couldn't find my source for this, but I think Mello would try and keep track regardless of whether that's progress on the Kira case or progress on other cases. I am very fixed on the idea of Mello having more of a genuine fascination with detective work and crime than Near does. Although he calls the new L "incompetence itself", so if Light WAS taking on other work, I assume he was only accepting easier cases or a much lower volume than what the first L did.

Another idea I'm quite attached to with Mello and Near is the two of them being opposites in fairly mundane ways, so since Near's hobbies are often creative and involve building (granted he does seem to take great pleasure in destroying his creations <3), there's a case to be made for Mello having more destructive hobbies. This may well be the stupidest thing I've said on this blog but literally the only thing coming to mind is ripping up weeds lmao. Maybe there's some insane AU where he grows a vegetable garden.

I do definitely think he'd like to keep active though, and mafia era especially, I can see him going out for spontaneous drives if he has access to a vehicle (or the wherewithal to steal one), or pacing back and forth when he needs to clear his head. Non-Kira, I also think it would've been great for him to get involved with a contact sport. I don't necessarily think he's the kind of person who actually enjoys violence with regards to all the various counts of murder and kidnapping he committed in canon - all of that was very much a means to an end - but at Wammy's House, we do see him throw a soccer ball at some kid's head and pull another's hair, so I'm inclined to say that he does have some tendencies towards aggression that would be better channelled into a healthier outlet.

[thesweetestdevotion]

different anon: re: seunghan was someone trying to put him in harms way on purpose, not just because he was dating someone whilst he was a trainee? it really seemed like all of korea was witch hunting or they was against him and it felt a little odd that it came about so soon rather than seeing him want to do well, did anyone have any vengeful energy around or towards him at that time? it feels like someone put some bad juju on him.

okay i kept digging deeper into the situation and apparently he was exposed only a few months after debut? and went on hiatus for a whole year, which is crazy. That definetly tracks with what i found in my reading about him feeling hindered creatively. I do see what you are saying in that he was being set up, but i can definetly say its not someone in the company/his close proximity because i channeled that he is well supported and well liked by people around him right now, so if this is to be true it most likely is someone else. Now as to why this was done i have no idea tbh... im gonna pull some cards:

Why was he exposed?: Two of Cups, Nine of Wands Reversed, Six of Wands, King of Wands, Three of Wands

this is crazy... It really just seems to be romance related. I think it really was someone just trying to get in his way of success because they were heartbroken/angry or something. I think they were angry he had set himself up to reach new horizons and was reaching a great level of success. Im almost dissapointed because this feels infinitely petty, very childish and immature. kind of annoying as well lol. It reminds me of like a betrayed best friend, someone really jealous and controlling who found any reason to justify what they did. It probably was some sort of break up, frienship or romance, and it wasnt anything horrible. Just a normal relationship breakup, but this person took it very hard and grew a vendetta for revenge. Somehow i get the sense multiple people were involved.

Who exposed him?: The Fool Reversed, Three of Swords, The Hierophant, Seven of Pentacles, The Star

it is definetly someone he knows, and also someone he held in high esteem at some point. The hierophant tells me they had some institution in common, like school/church/community, etc... I also see they had a good relationship up until a certain point, this person felt like his aspirations got in the way of what they had going on, maybe they had made plans for the future and it did not pan out. I see a sense of betrayal. also a lotttt of jealousy, its very high school drama, like its straight up giving mean girls. Its so sad it escalated to this point...

I hope this was insightful! xxx

[kitzatara]

We know the basics. The limitation of magic is that it will always come with a price. But I have this very interesting idea that with each unique magic user with a unique type of magic, it should have its own unique kind of price to pay. What would be an interesting kind of consequence that would fit well with her backward magic?

In canon it’s sorta hinted at that the price of her magic is the loss of her father/parents and then one other time jokingly implied that her bad luck in love is the price lol. Because in DC it seems to be more abstract prices, like i know with John it’s a big implication that everyone close to him gets hurt in some way.

imo this is fine, it’s not terribly creative but it’s a weird nebulous price that doesn’t really hinder her much. But i think there’s maybe different avenues we could explore?

My thought is that each magic user has a limit, a natural magical supply they can draw from to channel spells. And when you reach a spell that is more than what you possess naturally that’s when you have to start drawing power from different sources and “paying” for that magic. Kinda like a loan. That magic is the one with the weird costs, whereas depleting your normal supply just leaves you drained and needing rest. My HC is that Zatanna has a very unnaturally high limit, it’s one of the reasons she’s so “powerful” because the limit for her is far above everyone else, like John and why he’s labeled more an occultist.

you can draw power from beings like fae, gods and demons because they offer a convenient trade off as the cost. A little favor, worship, a sacrifice of some sort. Pretty straight forward bartering you give me this i lend you power. Magical objects are reserved for one type of spell/magic, the trade off being in needs to charge or it’s limited to the object, or you need to bond with the object, etc.

Then there’s magical dimensions you can draw energy from, and that cost can vary depending on the dimension, like maybe your sanity for a day, a week of nightmares, bit of bad luck, etc. Using John as an example again being who often does rituals or uses objects to sort’ve bypass the nastier costs/sources of magic so that he doesn’t deplete his natural reserve given by his demon blood, and so he doesn’t have to make any more deals than he already has.

Personally i don’t much care for the idea that the price of magic always had to be some depressing awful thing, i think that it should just be explicitly more transactional. And Zatanna is privileged because she inherited a lot of natural magic from her parents and being part homo magi and having a powerful medulla jewel in her brain. This also just plays into the notion that she’s a bit of a nepo baby and can inform how she interacts with the magical community since she has a “magic privilege”. I think that would be very fun to explore since she’s really well liked and trusted and seen as a great hero, but maybe there’s some resentment to how good she’s got it. Which has sorta been echoed in the past by John and Nimue Ravensong who had to work a lot harder to get good at magic and learn its secrets. Could definitely inform her more villainous rivals and how they might envy her like Allura or Tannarak. Even brother night who had to sacrifice all those kids for his power only for Zee to force him to recant it.

But if you have ideas for more specific costs id love to hear em. And thanks for the ask!

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

turquoise earrings

after processing a memory I had complex feelings about

and figuring out why I had those complex feelings

I was feeling a little raw and negative which fits the context

I put on a coat that kept the chill of the wind from me

there's a zipper on the left pocket that is stuck

and I've worn it for awhile thinking I'd mess with it

when I remembered but I only remember when I wear it

so channeling some of that negativity into

forcing that zipper open today was both poetic

and frankly sort of satisfying because I didn't care today

if I tore the zipper off or just made it unstuck

it ended up being the latter but I was already planning

to figure out how to replace a zipper

if the situation ended up calling for it

I reached into that pocket feeling a sense of victory

and found there was something in it

an amber colored velvet choker and a pair of earrings

they could be suns or flowers with a center of turquoise

they are set in silver which isn't my favorite

and I instantly remembered getting them

my mind told me the story and I had all these feelings

of a time that no longer fit the present moment

feelings so different than the ones I was feeling now

feelings that reminded me why it was so hard to heal

feelings that helped me understand just how fleeting

feelings really are and how faulty my logic was

assigning meaning based on the strength of my feelings alone

to things and situations in a way that wasn't always realistic

and let me tell you I was pissed as hell when that particular habit

of mine was pointed out and also devastated because

well, deep down inside I knew it was true

and not going to lie I'm not going to necessarily change it

I like the depth of my emotions and the intensity they bring me

there's power in that intensity that does need temperence

but it fuels my creativity when it's not ruining my life

I've made adjustments and have learned what I need to

for now to make sure I can be logical and emotional

without the gaping blind spots and resulting chaos

but I'll still make mistakes with it and hate it

I held those earrings in my hand and let it all wash over me

I wondered if I wanted to throw them in a body of water too

I wanted to forget those feelings and all the hope I had

how special being given them and the intentions behind it

made me feel and how I'd thought for a year or two

that kind of feeling and intention and love would last

it sure felt better than the somewhat cynical way I look at

love and relationships and partnership now

the distance between who I was then and who I am now

fills me with such a weird mix of pride and sadness

I miss that hopeful and romantic and impulsive side

but I also trust that aspect will sparkle again

when I'm in the right environment and place because it's mine

someone else just tends to inspire it a bit more sometimes

right now the thought of love makes me think like a spider

a date would be a nice experience, meal, and

possibly a cozy place to lay a clutch of eggs

male spiders do tend to transform permanently

in that situation and the female spider has to go find another

some of those male spiders are really good at dancing

I hid those earrings away from myself so I can decide

at a later date what to do with them

I feel like I'm a little biased right now

especially if I'm thinking about spider courtship

the cognitive dissonance between the spectrum of feelings

didn't cause me stress or give me a headache

or inspire some sort of self-doubt in the decisions

I'm currently and aspiring to make

the feelings were just there with the ones I have

they all danced together a bit and then split back up

I'm releasing them now as I channel the energy

into a poem to help me understand how I feel

I think a few months ago seeing them would have

made me feel like crying or like I failed something

but that's not how I feel today

I just looked at them and watched my mind

felt the sensations they inspired in my body

then put them back in my pocket and then away

there's improvement somewhere in that

I think

[tasty-littl-snack]

I saw some clips of that one streamers show and they all seem kinda not great and no I will not be naming because I hate them with a passion but maybe you can guess who. But anyway, it got me thinking; Why does most of the watchers content just feel so…authentic. Like they put so much hard work and passion into their stuff and I’m just feeling so emotional about them right now lmao. Steven’s cooking shows(yes all of his cooking shows) Ghost Files, Puppet History and WWW are just so fucking amazing and the love and care put into them is just so beautiful. ;-;

Sorry to be weird in your inbox but I had to let this out lmao

Hope it's okay to answer this because you got me thinking and yeah I agree. While I don't watch any other let's call it "youtuber with a streamer" type channels, so I can't really speak to wether they are good or bad I know that watcher is the only one that appeals to me. From what I've seen the others have the "quantity over quality" aspect and while that is a way to game the system and get people feel like paying for more content is worth it (I personally think that it's a disease of modern times like why would you pay for one good movie if you can have several bad ones for the same/lower price), I prefer to pay for something that is done out of passion even if it's some kind of niche stuff I didn't think about before. And it's very well made and I feel like Watcher delivers just that.

I feel like the difference with Watcher and their content is that there is a lot of heart put in their shows, and they are doing things that they are curious/passionate about, and they have the ability to also awaken that curiosity in the viewer. Kinda a "follow me on this deep dive into a topic I just learned about", which is also the appeal of like video essay/long form content, but in watcher you can really feel the love they have for the thing and the people they work with. Steven once said in his interview that finding new people is their goal but it's very hard to find them because they feel like the chemistry and 'clicking' has to match with what they are doing. And when I heard that I was like "well this feels unnecessary" but then I watched the www woundtable where Violet talks about finding the right locations for www and how research goes into that, and then I felt it you know. They really care about every detail, to the point where you feel like "Wait why does this matter" but then the end result is a high quality episode of a show.

If you think about it, all of these shows are made from scratch. From ideas that they come up with and then discuss how to execute them well. The fact that Ryan got his popularity with unsolved aka things he was interested in and that allowed him to gather a team of trusted people who know what to do to make his idea a reality (and a better show and I will die on the hill that Ghost files is better than unsolved) is amazing to me. Shane with his interest in fun history facts and Puppet history starting out as a spiritual continuation of his previous show but then being combined with the manic energy of hot daga allowed him to express his creativity in ways that I really admire. (Like listen to believe me maizy and then to the dinosaur metorite song back to back you can feel that the creativity is there but as the years passed he got better at writing storytelling songs.)

I also think Steven is an interesting example because he wasn't a foodie at first but then got known for a food show so it feels like food is the niche he has to do. But even then, if you look at his first shows on Watcher it's Grocery run which gives voices to Asian-american influencers, and home made which is comparing the home made foods to the restaurant ones. The conclusion in that one is that even though sometimes home made is better the restaurant ones have a love for food as well. So he chose food as connecting with people and nowhere it's more shown than in dish granted which, yeah started as a show able to be made in a pandemic but also as making food for his friends to express gratitude for what they meant to him. The expensive stuff is the gimmick to get clicks, but you can see that the connection with people is really what that show is about. Travel season is again, an exploration of different countries through food and the fact that he chose Korea to start it off with - knowing that his wife is Korean, and the way he introduces some of the food to Andrew and Adam I think it's another expression of love he has for the connections he can make while eating food.

I just think all the shows are made with love, even the ones with guest shows. You can really feel the passion there that they have for the topics they explore and for the people they work with. I think that's what makes Watcher different and I really love that about them. They also find ways to improve their current shows and always evolve, and that takes time and effort but I feel like at heart they are creative people who got popular, whereas other people got popular first and then felt like they have to come up with things to keep this going. And that might be the difference and what sets watcher apart from all the other similar channels.

[rinnysega]

Any advice on how to make progress on a writing project while dealing with emotional/mental fatigue? I’ve wanted to work on my book for MONTHS now but between irl stress and overall fatigue making me feel like all I have the energy for is just watching YouTube and scrolling social media, which just makes me feel worse for not writing. I just miss being in that headspace where I can write for hours at a time.

I understand your sentiment. I went through this recently too and only just got out of it around the end of last year.

Without knowing any details of your irl stress, considering this has lasted a few months for you, I'd first ask if its something in your power to change. I've found it's hard to be creative in an unhealthy environment too, but even harder to make changes to that unhealthy environment if it's something familiar or comfortable or might be too upsetting to change. We're creatures of habit that tend to get stuck in loops and patterns, and if any of those sound like something you're going through that causes mental or emotional stress and fatigue, I highly recommend taking steps to break those patterns or remove certain stressors. Any small changes or accommodations to your overall mental health is something I highly encourage first and foremost.

If they're stressors out of your control, and scrolling YouTube or social media is your coping patterns for the stress while in fatigue, that's something that can be hard to break too. I'm guilty of it myself, like even today I scheduled my day to write, but I got hit with a massive bout of burnout and ended up taking a five hour nap while some YT played in the background. I felt bad too when I woke up that I didn't get to my schedule today, but lately I've been reminding myself that I've been doing well, and my body speaks to me when it's time for a recharge. There's no shame in resting, so I recommend allowing yourself that time to recharge without feeling guilty for not writing. Your body needs it and you can't be your most creative self without taking the time to rest, hydrate, and whatever else your body needs.

If you find it's hard to break away from something like YT while in burnout, I'd ask yourself what kinds of videos are you watching? Something you've seen before like old comfort channels or something new? I'd recommend trying to find content that relates to your work and have it on for "research purposes" to help keep your project in mind while you relax.

Back in late 2023, I was still kind of stumbling through some recent changes to how I navigate in the world post-autism/cptsd dx, but I wanted to write and not have that feeling of guilt too. In my book, one of the timelines takes place in 1995, so I'd put on old 90s commercials, video essays of the decade, etc, and basically be a couch potato when the fatigue hit while it got absorbed. If I came across something interesting, I'd make little notes to myself and tell myself "you're technically writing!" to keep that guilty feeling at bay. The best part is it's technically true! Once I got to a better place where I could sit down and write something, I already had a bullet list of interesting things to include in the novel related to the culture and history of the time period, and the scenes felt very natural to type out since I already did some of the legwork in my couch potato era.

Writing for yourself is very therapeutic and healing in its own way, so if you'd like to tackle subjects that connect to your stressors that could be a way to keep writing if you absolutely feel the need to write. Even if it's not part of a main story or project you're working on, sometimes the habit of sitting down to write small micro fictions of your day as a journal entry with characters or familiar settings can be helpful in getting back into the swing of it.

The most important thing I'd like for you or anyone to take away is that it's okay to take time off and there's no need to feel ashamed of that. I took off all summer of 2023 from writing because at the time, everything felt so big and overwhelming and scary, and I'm very glad I did. I focused on the areas of my life that needed improvement so I could be healthy and live a better life as a recognized autistic adult. I knew it wouldn't last forever, and maybe the temporary aspect is what made it easier. Maybe set a goal post so you feel more in control of your schedule, even if it's something small for now. Point is, the time I needed made me feel more relaxed and energized when I came back to the blank page last fall, and now I finished my book! I'm doing revision work and I wrote short poems and works, some of which are getting published next year! If 2022/2023 Erin knew that? She'd think you were lying lol

Sometimes we just need those few months off while we go through changes or transitional eras of our lives, and there's no shame in it at all! Just remember your stories and projects are worth telling, but shame doesn't help at the end of the day. Just do your best each day, and before you know it, those days will add up to the next moment of your life when inspiration strikes and you write your next big thing

I hope this helped. Just remember, everything is temporary, and life happens in ebbs and flows like water. You'll be back to that headspace, but just remember to take care of yourself first and give yourself the love you need until you get there.

[justapixelthing]

Hello

it's me...

I just wanted to signal that I am alive. Well i suppose you knew from reblogs. I still am at a point where i feel that I have sort of lost myself in terms of creative things. Not completely, as I have one more private side of creativity that I live out without much issue, but nothing that my friends and followers really get to see because it's a private hobby. The creative burn-out I had with this side of things never really seemed to have gone away. I also had some tough experiences in life outside of this, which I still need to recover from physically and mentally and it's a long uphill battle and often new things get added to it. So you never know if it actually ends.

However I feel like I keep on letting down those who followed me for specific things. What about my Sonia and Rauru story? Or Zelda: Remnants of the Past? I hyped it up so much and keep on promising that more will come, but it is so... There is just nothing much I can really show. It's so slow or stagnated at times, that I feel like I am letting you all down. I will still keep on trying, but my goodness, I wish I had that energy back that I had when I started out. But it was also a tough time. I got into arguments over shipping and made some pretty pointed rants that I am a bit embarrassed about now. All those oot zelink rants. Sheesh... Although I think because I was new, I didn't expect so much ... well a wave of dislike, only for having different takes? It was probably a defense mechanism but I felt like a teenager on an angsty rant! I'm a woman in my late 20s! My time on Zelda Twitter I guess I was struggling between trying to conform to the established crowd and also being true to myself and neither really worked out too well. So now I've sort of matured online and lost my footing alike, it's kind of strange. And remember I even had a Zelda theory youtube channel? Look how that went.

I don't really know what I want to gain with this post. Sympathy? Probably not. More... Well I am grateful for anyone who has stuck around. Who still likes my things when I post. A few of you do it for almost everything that I post, which is so sweet. But I also think my tumblr feed is broken because I rarely get to see some of your posts and that makes me sad. Y'all have such interesting things to share.

Funnily enough I have finished a few bits of art-work but I just haven't found the energy to post them even though I meant to. Some even from last year. Eventually I will do it because some of these I am so incredibly proud of and I do want you to see it, because I love when people enjoy what I create.

If you read this far, thank you. I hope I can give you more content again. I don't know if I will ever return to form, but I'm thankful for anyone still joining me on my journey.

All the Love

~Pixel

[birdnamedenza]

Where the down bit starts

OCs: Ketan, Hunter

Not me casually being back after almost two years.

I had already started to write this story and basically had an entire plot arch all layed out in my head... and then life happened. It didn't help that this was quite the challenging story to write with all of the plot and action going on besides the actual sickness part. We have a crossover between Tiago's arch nemesis Hunter and Ketan, the one who got away so far. Ketan's scenario had to be special and Hunter is just fun to make sick with all the casual perfection going on around him. I hope I kind of succeeded, thank you for everyone who's still enjoying my writing after that long hiatus.

TW: Vomit

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ketan was stressed out, and that rarely happened. Usually, his restless energy and exuberant imagination helped him to channel every adrenaline rush into something creative. He had already come up with a perfect plan: There was a funfair in town, the ultimate setting for an interactive live stream. It was a cold and cloudy monday morning. Occasional downpours were expected, so there wouldn't be a lot of visitors, certainly not around the opening hour at 10 a.m.

The only trouble was that none of his friends were available to join him. Calvin was studying for an upcoming examn – in fact, he had just pulled an all-nighter and sounded dead tired when Ketan called him. Zena spent the entire weekend out of town for a job and wouldn't return before the late evening hours. Much to Ketan's surprise, Cassandra was the one who picked up Ezra's phone. Apparently, he had been busy barfing up his guts for the last 24 hours, thanks to a nasty stomach flu. Cassandra stayed at his apartment to take care of him and keep him hydrated. And Natalia… Natalia would have never been down for a trip to the funfair, even if she hadn't been avoiding Ketan like the plague after her drunken meltdown.

Of course, Ketan could have gone on his own or postponed the stream, but he had already announced the date to his followers. The whole thing was supposed to be a competition-style setup with challenges and matches. To fire up the engagement, the viewers could vote for the next ride and who handled it better. Short queues were expected at those perfect conditions, but whatever waiting time would occur could be passed with asking each other embarrassing questions. It was all layed out in Ketan's head and it absolutely needed to happen.

When Ketan was at the verge of despair, Calvin proved once again to be the best friend ever. He had contacted some of his fellow students if someone was, quite literally, up for the ride. A classmate named Hunter had actually agreed to join in on the fun. His health and fitness content was popular, albeit mostly among young women who weren't exactly there for the educational part. Ketan couldn't blame them – that Hunter guy was just the right eye candy he needed to attract the masses.

All giddy and hyped up, Ketan arrived almost half an hour early at the fairground. The colorful rides, stalls and games lay dormant under a dull grey sky. Only a handful of visitors strolled among the whimsical attractions that just started their work for the day. Ketan used the waiting time to map out the area and plan a route. Here and there, a whiff of sugary, oily goods hit his nose. In the near distance, the first ride began blaring out 90's electronica. It was hard to suppress a maniacal grin.

Finally, Ketan rushed back to the entrance to welcome his guest star. Just like he remembered, Hunter was ridiculously handsome with his bronze skin, sensual lips and defined curls, but his smile and his posture gave away his nervousness. Determined to break the ice, Ketan put on his most charming expression and greeted Hunter with a warm hug.

"My savior has arrived!"

"Uhm, sure thing, no big deal", Hunter replied, still a tad shy. "I haven't been to the fair in ages. Sounds fun."

"Yeah, right? It's nostalgia on steroids." Ketan had his equipment all set up and ready to go. The countdown for his viewers was ticking and quite a few were waiting for the stream to begin. "Cal has told you that we're doing this live, right? No cuts, no editing."

"Eh… yes, that's fine, it's just… I've never done this before."

"Oh, don't worry, I have." With a pat on Hunter‘s strong back, Ketan subtely directed him towards the designated starting point. "Just be yourself, they're gonna love you. It might feel a little weird at first, but you'll get used to it in no time. I promise I'm gonna make this easy for you."

"Okay, uhm… thanks." Hunter's bashful smile was thoroughly endearing. Ketan hoped that his heterochromia would show up well on camera – the light blue spot in one of his brown eyes was almost mesmerizing. The obvious fact that the guy had no idea how attractive he was only made it better.

"Take a deep breath and enjoy the adventure", Ketan reassured him. "You're gonna be great. Just don't take anything I say personal, we gotta give the audience a bit of a fake rivalry thing. Pretend that it's a sport competition and we're both taking this super seriously."

"Yeah. I think I can do that." Hunter hesitated for a moment, then scratched the back of his head. "Ah, yes… I guess I should mention that heights make me a bit nervous. I won't back out, just wanna let you know."

Ketan could barely contain a triumphant roar. He had ended up with the perfect filming partner after all.

"That's okay, don't try to hide it. I'm sure many viewers can relate", he encouraged Hunter. "They want to see real people with real emotions. Can you tell them a few things about yourself first? I'll jump in if you ever feel stuck. You'll see – before you know it, you’re an absolute pro."

-

After Hunter had successfully tackled the first obstacle of introducing himself, he slowly began to calm down. Ketan made sure to start out nice and easy with some classic games. The tin can alley, the shooting gallery, the unclimbable ladder and the strongman test all gave Hunter a chance to excel with his physical skills to gently ease him into the challenge.

To keep things exciting, Ketan had already put up a vote for the first ride they had to go on. The drop tower won by a landslide – much to Hunter's dismay. It wasn't even a big tower, 130 ft at best. A young girl barely passed the height requirement, grinning from ear to ear, while Hunter nervously looked around like he was considering a last minute escape.

"It's a bit early to regret your life choices", Ketan teased with a friendly dig in Hunter's ribs. "You can always skip the ride if you're too scared, you know?"

"No way!", Hunter attempted to join in on the banter. "I'm in the lead, remember? And I never go down without a fight."

"We're both going down in a minute, but first it's all the way up, up, up to the top." Filled to the brim with anticipation, Ketan took a seat and secured the restraints. He adjusted his 360° cam to a nice angle that showed both their faces and a good bit of the surroundings.

"Oh boy", Hunter exhaled sharply as the operator performed the final safety check. "I'm not so sure about this."

"Too late to wimp out now." Chuckling like a madman, Ketan captured their slow ascenct. The camera did a great job at conveying the height, even added to it with the warped perspective. Hunter, of course, couldn't appreciate any of it since his eyes were shut tight. He was humming a slightly distorted tune while his hands held on to the restraints. Surprisingly, it didn't even sound half bad. Besides his stunning looks and athletic skills, Hunter was also gifted with a deep and silky voice.

"You're missing out on the view, bud!" Ketan reached over with his free hand and pinched Hunter's impressive bizeps. Hunter flinched and looked up for a moment, visibly startled.

"Oh God, I hate this", he moaned and turned his eyes towards the gloomy clouds. Better than looking down, Ketan assumed. Meanwhile, the ride had come to a halt, leaving his brave three riders suspended in anticipation.

"Got a message for the crowds?", Ketan grinned.

"It was nice to meet yo-uuuaaaaaaah!" Hunter's words were ripped into a breathless scream as the platform plunged towards the ground. Weightlessness washed over Ketan's body, the sinking and exhilarating feeling of a free fall. It was like his stomach was floating in his chest, tingling and fluttering and almost unbearable, but in the best way possible. And then, before his nerves could even make sense of it, the brakes set in and it was all over.

"That was amazing!" Ketan couldn't stop laughing and after a few seconds of a horrified blank stare, Hunter joined in. Nervously, but still.

"I was right", he said with a crooked smile while fixing his hair, "I hated it."

"Well, you didn't spoil your pants, that's a plus. Should be an easy win for me, though."

"Uhm… yeah, I guess so", Hunter nodded, still out of breath. Then he remembered the whole competition aspect and forced out a: "Unless our viewers appreciate me overcoming my fear."

Ketan could barely stop himself from pinching Hunter's cheek. The man just wasn't made for bragging and taunting. His feeble attempt was so wholesome that Ketan almost broke character, and he was sure his followers noticed.

"You deserve a pat on the shoulder. Now let's check the results."

The results were anything but clear. Ketan came out on top, but only by a few percent. And the lifechat made it perfectly clear that the audience was smitten by his first time companion.

"I want to hold his sweaty hand so badly", Ketan read out loud. "Still hot, even when he's about to pee himself."

"Stop it", Hunter protested, pretending to reach for the phone. "How 'bout your embarrassing comments?"

"Later. Maybe. First, you guys gotta pick the starter, main course and appetizer for our eating contest."

"Like… who's gonna eat the most?" Hunter's eyes widened. Maybe the drop had left a lasting impression on his stomach or he feared the ride following their meal.

"What, do I look like a sadist to you?" Ketan put on his best serial killer impersonation before breaking into a smile again. "No way, I gotta do the same thing, remember? It's all about speed, baby. The winner finishes first."

"Big mistake. I'm a fast eater." Hunter pounded his shredded abs that, even under his shirt, looked like he lived on nothing but broccoli and lean chicken breast.

"Never underestimate my power!" With a last ominous glare, Ketan checked his phone for the jury's votes. Unsurprisingly, corn dog and chocolate churros were the clear favorites – phallic-shaped food always came in first, pun intended. The third pick was a bit of a wild card: chocolate covered bacon. It probably sounded too weird to give it a pass. While casually chatting some more, Ketan went to the food trucks to gather their democratically elected meal.

"You guys are the referees", he declared to his viewers. "Just in case it's a close race, which it's totally not going to be."

"Keep telling yourself that", Hunter gave back with newfound confidence.

"Look who's getting cocky", Ketan sneered and grabbed his corn dog. "Alrighty then… get ready… set… go!"

As fast as he possibly could, Ketan munched away at the crispy cornbread and the plump, meaty hotdog. He felt pretty confident until he shot a glance at his opponent. Somehow, Hunter had managed to shove almost the entire thing into his mouth at once and chewed at lightning speed. Damn it, he was a fast eater indeed. Determined not to lose, Ketan took bigger bites, then swiftly reached for the churros.

The deep fried crispiness, soft inside and intense cocoa flavor made it easy to get down bite after bite. Ketan stared at the horizon beyond the stalls and rides, focusing on nothing but pushing in the strands of pastry, chewing once or twice, then gulping forcefully. Finally, he grapped the long strip of chocolate covered bacon and chewed it off the stick before he could think about it. The smokey note hit harder than expected – the sweetness of the chocolate tried, but failed to overpower it. It wasn't horrible, just not entirely to his taste, and it left a greasy mouthfeel. That didn't stop Ketan from nibbling away every last bit, then swallowing once more.

He looked up to find Hunter already taking a sip of his water. An unfamiliar grin parted his rival's lips as he probably felt that adrenaline rush for the first time. He had finally stopped pretending – now he was taking this seriously. Ketan frowned and wiped his lips.

"Told you so", Hunter declared unabashedly triumphant.

"Just because I'm not as good at deepthroating corn dogs", Ketan growled.

"You're not mad, aren't ya?" Genuine worry clouded Hunter's smile.

"A little." Ketan gave his guest star a wink to assure him that his concern was unfounded. "Better enjoy that victory while it lasts. You might not like what's in store for you."

-

The next stop was a historically themed photo booth, just to give their stomachs some time to settle. Meanwhile, Ketan had already put up the poll for their following ride, which was going to be one of the main attractions. One that would make even him a tiny bit nervous. He knew perfectly well that the audience wanted to see them suffer and he was ready to ham it up for the camera.

Of course the viewers went for the fair’s most intimidating ride – a huge inverted coaster that started off with a steep drop, followed by a tight loop and a maze of zero-g rolls, corkscrews, hills and helixes. It was hard to imagine that this monster was actually portable. Hunter's face fell as he saw the massive steel skeleton.

"I – I don't think I can do that", he mumbled, lowering his head towards Ketan's ear. Maybe he was hoping the camera wouldn't pick up his voice.

"Come on, it's a little late to tap out", Ketan encouraged him, even though his own smile felt rather forced. He knew that this beast was assembled by pros and safety tested, his brain just couldn't get over that whole too big to be portable thing. The park management had agreed to him filming on-ride, he reminded himself, which they wouldn't have done if they weren't confident in their attractions. The uneasy feeling in his stomach was probably caused by a severe neglect of proper chewing during their eating contest. It was not like he was actually scared. "Unless… you want to give up. Double points for the winner, what do you think?"

"Uhm… I… I mean…" Hunter was biting his lip, hands fidgeting nervously, eyes staring intensly at the coaster towering over them. Then his chest heaved with a deep breath and his brows furrowed in nervous determination. "Alright. Let's do this."

"That's the spirit, big guy!" With some enthusiastic slaps on the back, Ketan steered Hunter towards the measly queue. There were five other people in front of them, waiting for the train to return. As soon as the gates opened, Ketan grabbed Hunter's hand and rushed towards the front car, ignoring the protest of a middle-aged woman. His heart was pounding, more out of excitement than anxiety. They were going to get a lovely video out of this. His followers were in for a treat.

"I… I think I made a mistake", Hunter whispered, wide-eyed. His caramel skin barely hid the fact that he had turned pale around the cheeks. As much as the restraints allowed it, Ketan reached over to pat his shoulder.

"Trust me, these things are never as bad as they look."

"No, oh no." Hunter sounded desperate as the train set in motion. Slowly, the chain lift pulled them up the first hill with the familiar click-clack. Ketan looked down towards his dangling feet while holding his camera as stable as possible. His trusty cam had this insane ability to make the selfie stick disappear on video, creating an effect of it floating in mid-air. Ketan gave his viewers a big grin while Hunter looked like he was about to burst into tears. In a futile attempt of reassurance, Ketan kept on rubbing his rival’s impressive biceps.

Finally, the train shifted into an upright position and for a moment, the entire funfair was below them. They followed one last bend towards the inevitable drop.

"I don't feel so good", Hunter rasped, his muscles tensing under Ketan's palm.

"This is the scariest part", Ketan tried to calm him down. "It's all gonna be fun from here!"

Hunter faintly shook his head, then pressed his eyes shut again and attempted to disappear into the shoulder restraints. The very next second, they went over the edge and gravity set things in motion. Ketan began to scream, but the train accelerated so quickly that the air was knocked out of his lungs. Then ground and sky changed places and all of a sudden, his feet were up in the clouds. It was amazing.

Until he heard that sound right next to him.

It was a deep, guttural retch. In one horrible moment, everything clicked. Hunter wasn't just scared. He was feeling sick. No wonder he had looked like he was about to wiggle out of his seat and jump off the ride. And to make things worse, the 360° twist of the zero-gravity roll made Ketan painfully aware of the unrest in his own stomach.

A series of dry heaves assaulted Ketan’s ear, loud enough to overpower even the wind’s roar. It was incredible that such a beautiful person could produce such revolting noises. They sent a wave of nausea through Ketan's body and made him shiver in his clammy skin. Like the rollercoaster, things were going downhill fast.

"Try to breathe", Ketan screamed, barely able to follow his own advice.

"Hu-hhhhhhrrrrrrrRRRRrrRRRrrrrrrr", was Hunter's response, and it sounded awfully wet. If only he could keep it down a little bit longer! The guy didn't even cup his mouth. He held on to the restraints like his life depended on it while his body was shaken by violent gags. Every single time, his head jolted forwards, lips wide open, tounge sticking out, like he was already in mid-puke. At this point, everyone behind them was probably terrified.

"Hold it in!", Ketan pleaded, just before the train twisted into a corkscrew. The last thing he saw were Hunter's eyes flying wide open and his cheeks bulging out. Ketan quickly turned away his head, preparing for a foul smelling flood to hit him any second. Once again, the world spun out of control and the greasy food he had scoffed down swirled in sync with their cart. It was only when they had made it through the inversion that Ketan dared to look up again.

Big mistake – another one in a whole string of unfortunate decisions. As Ketan anxiously glanced towards Hunter, he found him with his cheeks still puffed, lips pursed, eyes widened. Just a second later, vomit sprayed out of him like a fountain. With only a small gap to escape from, it came out with quite some pressure, but it didn't stand a chance against the airstream. A good bit of puke splattered right back into Hunter's face. Some disgustingly warm droplets and mushy pieces hit Ketan's cheek and his upper arm. Someone behind them screamed in terror and Ketan had the strong suspicion that it wasn't because of the wild ride.

With an instant gag, Ketan's body arched against the restraints. His nose was hit hard with the sour stench of sick, mixed with a fermented sweetness. He felt something sliding up his esophagus, like it was still well-greased from all the fried snacks. Desperate to keep his hasty meal down, Ketan swallowed several times and cupped his mouth with his free hand. The train descended into a downward helix and Ketan's stomach immediately sank, forcing another retch out of him.

Maybe it were those wet gurgles that set a chain reaction in motion, maybe it had been inevitable all along. Hunter's shoulders tensed as another gush of undigested food spilled out of his mouth and all over his front. At least now he tilted his head forward and fully parted his lips to prevent another explosion. With a horribly moist, gargling retch, the impossibly gorgeous hunk puked up large chunks of sausage and soggy dough that splattered heavily on his thighs.

Ketan's eyes watered as he fought against the mass that kept on pushing up his throat. The forceful movement of the rollercoaster, the rancid smell and the sickening noises Hunter produced all became too much for him. But the station was close, so very close. Another turn and Ketan already felt the brakes setting in. He pushed against his lips like with the force of sheer determination while his abdominal muscles clenched painfully.

"I'm so sorry", Hunter moaned weakly. Somehow, he still looked ridiculously handsome, even with strands of vomit dripping from his lips. Tiny droplets of tears had been caught in his long lashes as he looked at Ketan with pleading eyes. Ketan just nodded, mouth clutched, frantically taking in rapid, shallow breaths through his nose. The train slowed down as they entered the final stretch. He could do it. He had to do it.

Hunter, however, could not. A spasmodic hiccup shook his buff frame and without any resistance, another massive wave of beige liquid spilled from his lips. His face went blank as he immediately threw up again. Mushy bits of bacon and hotdog and cornbread plopped wetly onto the restraints. The sound was enough to send Ketan into a violent heave. Acrid liquid bubbled up from his stomach. It burned like hell and brought up bigger lumps that slid over Ketan's uvula, forcing him to gag even harder. With every fiber of his body, he tried to swallow the soggy mass back down.

Just as it all seemed lost, the train came to a halt. They had made it to the station. Unable to stop retching, his cheeks bulging against his palm, Ketan pleaded silently for the restraints to open. He saw a fairground worker approaching them hastily – a young guy, probably an undergrad like himself who  just wanted to make a bit of extra money. And then, in a cruel twist of fate, Ketan's stomach forcefully ejected another surge of puke. Hot, creamy liquid shot out of the small crack between his tightly closed lips. It poured out over and under his hand, between his fingers, down his arm, all over his cheeks and chin.

The worker stared in horror, his face one substantial "Oh no!", as he saw Ketan lose his battle in such a spectacular way. Finally, the shoulder restraints lifted themselves, like they wanted to mock his futile attempt. Their fellow riders frantically rushed out of the train. The woman that had snapped at them before was now giving them a death glare. Her hair, her face and a good part of her blouse were stained with Hunter's stomach contents.

Before she could break out into a tirade, Ketan's insides went for another loop and he projectile vomited all over himself. It spurted out of him in such a big arch that some droplets even hit the camera. The camera? A cascade of silent curses popped up in Ketan's fuzzy mind. Their entire barf‑a‑thon had been livestreamed to all of his followers, and thanks to the superior image stabilization, they probably hadn't missed a single chunk.

"Are… you guys okay?", the operator asked cautiously. Ketan looked at him and broke into a laugh. He just couldn't help himself. The entire situation was so utterly absurd.

"Sorry", he gasped, unable to calm himself down. "It just sorta… happened. I tried to hold it in, I really did, but… but…“

The laughter overwhelmed Ketan's bubbling stomach and he was shaken by another retch. A greasy brownish mush splattered onto his lap. Ketan's clothes were pretty much soaked with puke at this point and clung to his damp skin. The fresh breeze made him tremble, but he kept on chuckling as he expelled poorly chewed corndog bits. Hunter awkwardly patted Ketan's back to help him through the violent bout. After what seemed like an eternity, both the wet heaves and the hysterical giggles finally subsided.

"We can clean it all up", Hunter rasped. "I… I really didn't mean to ruin your, you know, ride."

"Uhm, no, it happens", the young man reassured him. He sounded more nervous than comforting, probably expecting either one of them to blow chunks again any seconds. "We’ll just hose it down. You guys look like you better go home."

"Yeah… you're right... sorry." Hunter sounded horribly guilty. Defeated. Ketan pressed his co-star‘s shoulder before they finally got up from their stained seats. Soggy lumps, now cooled down, slid down Ketan‘s legs. With a stiff gait, he walked down the platform – still nauseated, but doing his best to pull off a smile. At this point, he had no chance but to play it off and act unaffected.

Ketan's eyes did widen just a little as he looked at his phone. The viewer count had, in fact, almost trippled during their disastrous ride. And why was he even surprised? People were sadists after all. There was a reason the most popular challenges were always the one that made someone puke. It was the perfect blend of schadenfreude and childish humor.

"Okay, guys, this is going to be a tough one", he picked up the chitchat with his audience like nothing had happened. "I can proudly state that we gave it our all – all of our stomach contents, that is. Will you reward the spectacular human fountain or the last one barfing? The choice is yours while we're… trying to clean ourselves up a little. Stay tuned!"

Hunter hesitated to step closer. He looked helpless, lost, so Ketan grabbed his hand and pulled him along to a more quiet place behind the stalls.

"Feeling a little better?", Ketan asked in a much softer voice than his usual hyped up persona. He did feel bad for dragging Hunter into this mess. Nobody wanted to have a vomiting fit immortalized on the internet, especially not during their very first live stream.

"Yeah, I… I think so." Hunter gave him a crooked smile and a thumbs up.

Good thing Ketan’s philosophy was to be prepared for anything. Among his many technical gadgets, he also brought a large water bottle that turned out to be a life saver. First, he helped Hunter clean the worst mess from his skin and clothes before giving himself the same treatment. Quite a bit of puke had splashed back onto Hunter‘s own face. There were chunks and strands in his hair, heck, even in his ears. Ketan brought out some much-needed backup in the form of paper towels. Even then, they could only do so much – the stench of sick still lingered around them, their clothes were soaking wet and the stains easily visible. Ketan shivered and the goosebumps on Hunter's arms showed that he was freezing as well.

"Things are getting a tad uncomfortable for us and I don't think they're gonna welcome us on another ride", Ketan declared with a somewhat sheepish grin. The stream had definitely been cut short, but at least they were going out with a bang. "Let's see what you guys have to say… 'Blergh. Puke emoji, puke emoji, puke emoji' – relatable. 'Ketan, I would totally rub your back.' – aw, thank you. 'I wanna clean Hunter up with my tongue.' – interesting."

"I don't think that's a good idea", Hunter replied in such an sincere tone that Ketan could barely hold back a chuckle. Or a hug. He handed over the almost emptied bottle instead. Hunter took a deep sip, swished the water around in his mouth and politely turned away from the camera before spitting it all back out on the grass.

"Probably not, but thanks for the kind offer.“ Ketan waited until Hunter was done before he poorly imitated drumrolls. „Now let's determine the winner, shall we? It's the moment we've all been waiting for. Remember, we got double points for the last ride. So the winner of our final competition and the entire day is…" With a dramatic pause, Ketan looked at the poll. Took a deep breath. Then broke into a smile and raised his rival‘s arm. "Hunter!"

Countless hearts flooded the chat. It probably helped that Hunter's drenched clothes stuck to his chiseled body and that his face lit up in such an endearing way.

"Thank  you, everyone! Honestly, thank you.“ A tinge of red brought back some life into his cheeks that were still far from the usual golden-brown tan. „I know you guys weren't even here for me and I'm glad I didn't ruin the whole thing for you. Guess my stomach isn't used to deep-fried food anymore."

"Don't worry, it happens to the best of us.“ Ketan stretched himself to ruffle Hunter’s soft locks. „Case in point, it even happenend to me.“

„Yeah… sorry… that kinda feels like it was my fault as well. I made you… you know… I started the whole vomiting thing and then… sorry. It’s a little embarrassing.“

„My idea, my responsibility, okay?“ The shame-fueled puppy dog expression on Hunter’s face was utterly adorable and, weird enough, it sparked Ketan’s protective instinct for the significantly taller hunk. „Now before we ride home towards the sunset, let’s read some last comments to cheer you up. ‚Hottest. Thing. EVER!‘ – ‚Marry me, Hunter! Heart emoji times a bijillion‘ – ‚More streams together plllzzzz‘ – You’d like that, huh? You dirty little weirdos. Any last words to the audience, Hunt?“

„Uhm… I’m already taken, so I have to decline the marriage proposal. But thanks for the votes and everything! I really appreciate it!“

„You heard him! And you will never know what we’re gonna do next… in private. Kay thanx bye!“ After his signature abrupt last wave, Ketan bumped the phone against his forehead, then quickly turned off the camera. His grin instantly fell into an expression of pure guilt. „Hit me. Like, hard. Fist and all. I deserve it. That’s not how things were supposed to go down. I mean, it was my most successful stream ever and I’m eternally grateful for that, but I’m also honestly sorry.“

„No, it’s okay.“ Hunter waved a hand, visibly confused by Ketan’s sudden change in demeanor. „I should have said that I wasn’t feeling well. It kind of, you know, got to me with the whole contest thing and all and then it was too late. I’m just glad it all turned out fine in the end.“

„You’re too good to be true“, Ketan sighed. „And probably cold as hell, so how about a detour to my place for a hot shower and some tea? I owe you one, more than one, and it’s the least I can do.“

„Sounds great. My stomach’s still a little angry at me, I guess.“ Hunter’s hand drew a circle over the perfectly defined muscles of his abdomen. He seemed worn out, but mostly relieved. That was because he couldn’t possibly know at this moment that nothing was fine and that the steepest drop was only about to begin.

He found out soon enough when his phone started ringing.

[kimium]

8, 11, 30!

(From this ask HERE)

Thanks so much for this ask, Shreedle!!! I love talking about my writing and sharing my thoughts with you!

8. If you had to write a sequel to a fic, you'd write one for...

Oh dear... with 266 fics in counting it's hard to narrow it down to only one fic. I think the best way to do this is to discuss which fics per my most written fandoms (SDR2, FE Fates, and Katekyo Hitman Reborn!).

I am not including Twisted Wonderland because majority of my fics are linked to two series (Platonic Yandere AU and Sort of Saw Franchise AU) meaning they're getting additions to them anyways.

SDR2: Energy Drinks

Originally I was going to say Working Relationship which is the fic where both Hajime and Nagito are serial killers. However, the more I thought about it and the more I realized that most ideas for it are kind of... the same? So, instead I'm saying Energy Drinks. This AU has many angles to explore and more ideas that can be fun and creative. Thus, I feel it has more potential than Working Relationship in terms of creating a sequel.

FE Fates: Charades

If anyone doesn't remember (like I did) this is my AU where all Ylisse Royals have a god/goddess stuck in their minds. This story is already a soft redo as I wrote this concept in the story Possessive Lightning.

What's funny was a couple of nights ago I was searching through my own fics to find this one because I was thinking about it. Clearly, this is a sign that I should write a sequel to this story!

KHR: You're Welcome, Byakuran

A surprise twist: I picked a good timeline fic for this! Yes, in a shocking turn of events, if I was to write a sequel for one of my KHR fics, it's the one where everything is the same except Kikyo runs a Fashionista YouTube channel and Shouichi was roped into making content for a video.

The reason I picked this fic over my second choice, Monochrome and Lavender, is because I have so many other funny ideas steaming from this AU. I hope someday I'll write them! That is, if I don't keep writing bad timeline AUs for Shouichi. (Sorry, @m34gs)

11. A WIP you'd like to finish someday

I am hoping to finish Night Time Coffee (FE Fates) fic some day. It's been over a year since I updated it and I feel bad. The problem is I feel no one cares about the fic besides me and sometimes a fic can't live on writer alone. Thus, it's remained dormant.

30. Share a fic you're especially proud of.

I am super proud of the fic Bystanders (Not Innocent) for my Twisted Wonderland Platonic Yandere AU. I picked this one because for the first time I wrote as the faculty of NRC. It was a challenge and I was super nervous about posting the fic. I'm glad people like it, though I feel it doesn't get enough love and attention. I want more people to read it ahaha.

(Also a few shout outs because again, I have 266 fics, I can talk about more.

Shout out to my Bad Things Happen Bingo fills 16, 17, and 18 where I wrote the Awakening Trio being kidnapped by an obsessive and possessive Fallen Anankos.

Also a shout out to my most recent fic, Musing for Honkai Star Rail. I am still extremely nervous/self-conscious about this story because it's the second time I've written for HSR. I fretted so much as I wrote, but I am proud of it!)

[goldenpinof]

Not that this is like, a hot new take or anything, but I can imagine that they both might be going through a bit of a crisis. Like their careers have finally died down but like, what do they do. They haven't done much else but be YouTube personalities (which is more than just YouTube, obv) for like, nearly 15 years. They are probably afraid to venture into new territory, because at this point that will likely mean risking either their brand or their bank accounts (like how Dan had to risk money to do the tour / offer to put up his own money for Dinok). Not that that's a good excuse, but I can understand being afraid and Phil just trying to hang on to his usual content for the both of them (as he also figures out work/life balance). Dan only did DD for the tour and it definitely felt kinda forced. Just doing their old stuff but with their older/out-of-closet selves isn't going to be successful in a way it's safe, for now.

As someone with a lot of the same kind of mental health struggles Dan has, I imagine he might be beyond burnt out and doesn't really want the attention anymore because of the work it requires. And even though it's like, okay it's been months since the tour okay what's next... idk what we'll really get out of him for a while (maybe a few years even?) besides random contract work like the channel 4 thing. Like, projection time, but I just got through grad school with extreme ADHD/executive dysfunction/procrastination etc, and was so burnt out by the end idk how I did it. And I'm like, oh well it's been about 6 months I should probably have a job in my field by now (which I'm probably insane for thinking that anyways because the job market is in so wild). But like, I've been kinda burnt out since 2016 (when I was 16 and a junior in high school, at the end of my og dnp phase) and all I can muster the mental energy to do now is the same part-time / retail work I've been doing the past few years. Which like, I'm barely getting by and I do ultimately feel disappointed that I'm not trying harder to put my fancy new degree to work because I'm barely applying for anything. But I just can't get myself together enough to do that right now. I imagine Dan might be going through something similar, like, he could be doing something creative but he probably is just tired and wants to just live life without any expectations and go on vacations and rely on Phil to be the content creator. He's probably aware that it's not ideal. But he also seems done with compromising any creative vision either because he doesn't want to do sponsorships or anything that isn't a deeply personal piece of art. And he probably doesn't have many deep ideas now that WAD is done and Dinok is stalled and there isn't much he seems to want to do commentary on (because if he just sucked it up he would actually be a pretty good commentary YouTuber lol).

I think they also have a lot more stuff to work through mental health wise too before they are ever really able to not be cryptic about their relationship, since when ex-phannies or random people who remember them see their tiktoks or whatever it's what they all ask about. Like to some degree I don't know if they ever wanted to be out and famous but it got to the point where they couldn't keep denying it either. I'm so glad they came out because it's clearly so much healthier, but beyond the trauma of being closeted that they had to overcome they probably now have trauma from years and years of people being weird towards them about their relationship and it's like... now they have get through that in order to take the next step. do they really want to go through all that just to help open themselves up to a new era of content? Idk.

(this turned out to be wayyy longer than I anticipated woops. can't even remember if some of this was in response to what was on your blog or some of the other similar conversations I've seen about this today but yeah).

i'm almost crying. i hate us so much. this is exactly why the phandom needs meet ups irl or "bubbles" where we could have conversations. because trying to answer THAT without forgetting something is hard, and also i can't imagine how hard it is to write these mini-essays and get bullshit in response.

i appreciate it a lot. and i basically agree with your message. i see how it can be true. and i know that in case of burnout, Dan can let himself step back. the problem i have with him disappearing and coming back after 2018 is that he thinks that the audience will wait for him and accept everything he puts out with the same passion, participation, and amount of money as when he and Phil were making content without long pauses. but book sales, merch sales, tour ticket sales, views and god knows what else that we can't see show that we aren't willing to wait. and it started in 2019 i guess, so you would think that by 2022 Dan would understand what went wrong and just book smaller venues (or make a smaller stage for it to not be a problem). i'm using wad just as an example. you said Dan could not want attention anymore. but he repeatedly says that he loves attention. and it's not only words, you can see it irl. ofc after tours there is a period of time to rest. but before that, there was a clusterfuck of something that was barely content while the merch releases were consistent. either because it was pre-made or because Dan was still living in a rose-colored world thinking that we would buy stuff without content. i'm not sure what i'm arguing here anymore riuehdfsidxkl apologies, i guess it's related to Dan wanting to fuck off. and he CAN. i don't care, 2019 taught me a lesson. (doesn't mean i can't bitch about it <3)

anyway. i understand your struggles with work and degree. basically, i was in the same position after graduating, and now it's even more difficult but i get it. choosing to work part-time, in retail and similar "easy" jobs because you can't deal with the weight of expectations that come with a degree, that's... yeah. an adult reality that no one told us about. i wish you the best, and i hope everything works out well. whatever you decide to do, remember you don't have to use your degree if you don't want to or just don't feel like you can at this moment. you know, getting a fancy "serious" job is such a commitment, bruhh. and you can always walk out of retail :)

Dan would be a brilliant commentary youtuber, you're right! he just knows how to talk and make people listen.

their brand is already fucked, nothing to save here. i mean, Dan and Phil brand doesn't exist. Dan's youtube brand is all over the place. AmazingPhil is the only consistent thing. and yes, it feels like Phil is terrified of shifting in any direction. we're stuck with 2016 content, it's like a real-life time machine on youtube. and if it works for him, fine. i'm just sad that there is no "trying new things" anymore and that he can't even get old successful things back.

i'm not commenting on their relationship because it would be too long. fuck tiktok though. i think dnp jumped to this "new popular" platform with no actual regular content to present as a distraction and that bit them in the ass.

[jemeryas]

Valentino's 'Le Salon' is a Lesson in Regressive Storytelling

I never know what to expect when it comes to Valentino and this past Haute Couture show titled ‘Le Salon’ proved why I am so critical towards the current state of fashion. The livestream premieres with flashing lights from Place Vendôme in Paris, France as notable guest like Florence Pugh, Kris and Kylie Jenner also featuring Kylie’s daughter Stormi and founding house father Valentino Clemente Ludovico Garavani decked in a burgundy velvet suit that gives off exactly what Nicki Minaj would say a lot of you people can’t spell. Couth. 

But the second the circus was over and everyone had taken their seats the real show began. Burgundy seems to be a common color scattered throughout shows recently that I am slowly becoming rather fond of. The color reminding me of the Christmas sweater that Mrs. Weasley would make every year for her son Ron Weasley in the films. It is that kind of consistent love that I am beginning to associate with this color. I am sure that nearly every Harry Potter fan will understand what I am trying to describe. Continuing on an Italian aria echos as the models continue walking down the runway. Tombstone grays paired with egg yolk yellows or neon oranges is only something PierPaolo, the current creative director of Valentino, could envision being paired together. Does that mean that all the silhouettes are terrible? Absolutely not! A dress that was worn by Florence Pugh for her Australian Vogue November issue, and that I would have the fortune of featuring on my own tiktok page, would make an appearance; proving the point in my Dior Couture review that certain pieces would look better on a fuller-sized model and Pugh perfectly captures that look. 

Yet as the show continued on there were only a few more pieces that would capture my eye. A turquoise evening gown brought a smile to my face as I watched a dark skinned model sporting a shaved head, a quicker-than-lightening attitude and a walk with so much elegance that you couldn’t help but give a small, “you better go girl,” under your breath. The gown only an added accessory to the model. This is the type of energy, I realize, is missing from the runway scene. A lack of personality. I guess we can blame Prada for that one, but that’s for another essay. 

The show continued on in tulles, sequins and unique pairings that again, some may say is a work of genius, but I would have to disagree. Now, do not mistaken my disdain for Le Salon as disdain for the creative director. The L’Ecole show still holds a special place in my heart and is shelved right in my top two alongside the Pink PP collection. However, coming off the heels of an amazing show like L’Ecole I had high hopes to see what PierPaolo would showcase and was let down in a tremendous way. In terms of music and performance, I loved the traditional Italian Opera, but when you compare that to, what can only be described as a spiritual conversion to the world of FKA Twigs, I don’t think a younger demographic would care too much for this show once they hear the music. The clothes were, at best, in-cohesive; and at worst, a dumpster fire of the worst color combos you could put together. But just as I was about to write the rest of this show off, Black silhouettes made their appearance and I paused to watch. Each look channeling something that was made specifically for the femme fatale. The Black Swan of her family. I was hooked but by that point the show was over and I was left feeling…underwhelmed. 

In terms of artistry and storytelling this was not it Valentino and PierPaolo. I know that I was a fan of the burgundy and the Blacks but the few good  pieces that were in those colors were so far in between that it just wasn’t enough to save them this time around. The ten’s are replaced with the 6’s in my book for color crimes against humanity. But again, don’t crucify me, this is just my opinion. It’s not like I am Anna Wintour…yet.

[hxhhasmysoul]

Heads Down, 7 Up; Romance Snippet Tag; Last Line Game

So @cursedvibes tagged me a few times in these and I really wanted to take part but the thing was I wasn’t writing. I started a new job recently and I’ve been completely mentally and emotionally drained. I started writing last weekend after a month of just being completely creatively numb. But I have this to offer, and it kind of works for the tags, the first chunk is a bit longer than 7 sentences but it kind of makes sense as a whole. The second chunk is for the other two tags: the romance snippet and last line game.

Rules of the games:

Last line is self explanatory.

Romance Snippet: Share a few lines or a snippet that sums up the main relationship(s) in your WIP. 

Heads Down, 7 Up: Seven sentences from your last WIP

_________

This is from my vaguely Beauty and the Beast inspired AU, it borrows some mechanics from the fairytale but it’s not a retelling by any means. That’s why they talk about magic, mages, spells and so on. It’s not jujutsu, it’s a completely different made up magic system

_________

“Isn't it always like that, though?”

“Here we go again.” Yuuji let out an exasperated whine. 

“Hear me out.” Sukuna paused. It took a moment, punctuated with a sigh and a slight grimace before he continued. “Please, I'm trying to understand.”

“You truly are an Archmage, you actually know all the magic words.”

“Brat.” Sukuna made a face. “But you aren't as unlike me as you believe.”

“Excuse me!” Yuuji took full offence at that comment.

“You've just snarked at my lack of knowledge. And I'm actually turning to you for guidance. It's very hard for me, I've never relied on anyone to understand something, well not since I learned to channel energy and read.”

At the last second Yuuji swallowed a brash comeback. It sounded very self-aggrandizing but Sukuna had been at the pinnacle of magical skill for over a thousand years and knowing his character Yuuji had no problem believing that he was mostly self taught.

“That's a fair point.” The last thing Yuuji wanted was to turn into Sukuna, it had been his fear for months and apparently not unfounded. He needed to rectify it immediately. “Alright, go on.” 

.........

.........

“Did you really mean it when you said you don’t understand why you grabbed me mid air?” Yuuji asked finally. 

“Of course, it was pointless, the spell was too weak to work, I didn’t put any thought or power behind it. And I could’ve just teleported to the bottom of the stairs.” 

Internally Yuuji was facepalming, so this was what he was working with.

_________

I tag, only if you want to, and also how many of these you want to, one, two, all three. @ishouldgetatumbler, @yuujispinkhair, @voidcat-senket, @mysterypond @kirishimasmom, @twila-star, @canzie-gumm, @clood

[apexart-journal]

Garth Gratrix, apexart, NYC Fellowship

Day 6 – Quakers, Queens & Questioning the Square Footage

Feeling it now. First wave of real tiredness hit today—first proper day off is needed. Not just the in-between downtime, but actual 'off off'. No navigating from A to B, no 'best in show Garth' for every new encounter. Just stillness, rawness, not having to be anything. Bliss.

That said, I was up bloody early (Sunday and all) to get to Brooklyn for Quaker worship—nothing says rest like a 7am subway ride. Spotted the house-like meeting building squatting quietly amongst shinier giants, a stubborn bit of resistance in architecture form. Inside there were rows of dairy creme pews with sage green cushions and a silence that was somehow both heavy and generous. Ten figures scattered like a Marina Abramović (or maybe Anne Imhof) dress rehearsal. Eyes closed, opened again—more bodies had ghosted in, silent ninjas of mindfulness. Less a scene from Smile 2 (2025), more serene commune.

The artist in me loved it. Apart yet together. Radical stillness. Space that doesn’t try to sell you something. Although that sneaks in at the end like any place of worship would; with further signposting. I enjoyed the refusal to keep pace with the chaos outside. What if this kind of shared pause is the new spectacle? And what does it mean for us creatives if these sacred spaces are the only ones spared from the “what’s the revenue per square foot?” questions? All those artists spaces, studios, residential areas that pave the way for future Cultural Cachè and gentrification so that wealthy people can say Basquiat once lived here, but we've worked with an Italian designer since then and the marbles imported.

Maybe we need a Religious Society of Creativity!. Where silence = progress. A place where filling silence with ideas is welcomed, but not expected. Design a new artists religious symbol, agree a lease in perpetuity, do what ya want once you've got the keys, lovely. Whose investing!? Cheers, thanks.

I was thinking that maybe in making Creativity sacred, we offer it's often nemesis, growth, it's essential critical friend and colaborator. One that isn’t always expecting more, but maybe ask what exists to be better. Clearer. More human. Still.

Wandered to Junior’s Bakery after (big first solo brunch energy). Channeling the legend that is Bette Midler in First Wives Club (1996) “Dinner. By yourself?” Yes. Scrambled eggs, crispy bacon, toast and fried potatoes that defied medical advice. Observed couples while Al Green crooned in the background. Thought about my long-term singleton status. Then heard my mums voice in my own—her elocution lessons echoing in every utterance of “thank you ever so much.” (Janet Brickles, 1951–2024, pictured). Not really eating alone at all, was I? Bit teary. That was alright. Needed to be. Grief needs feeding too. I also need to assert some time for this grief.

My next scheduled activity was an Afro-Haitian Folkloric dance class.

Set in a children’s playground with just two little ones present, I felt… awkward. Not culturally, but contextually. As a white, 40-year-old gay man, joining in didn’t feel appropriate. It wasn’t the content—it was the setup. The lack of clarity. The wondering eyes of passersby. I found myself reflecting on how important structure, transparency, and intention are when you invite someone into an unfamiliar, sensitive space. The discomfort wasn’t judgement—it was care. Having supported a dance crew in my early 30's, experiencing Dance Mum's uttering not so savoury opinions because of my queerness, I find simply joining in and expressing yourself for the pure fun of it, to be not so simple at times. For others form stories that aren't factual and perhaps I was unable to disregard that sensitivity today so I bailed. This should have been an easy task tethered to a former dance life and love. Perhaps it just came too late in a long week.

I dipped after that, feeling guilty, on the L train home. Treated myself to a Target beer run (my first drink since getting here). Needed a minute to reset with the UK friends, had a needed video chat. Glorious. Then got a video sent to me of Lady Cat, mum’s cat, now mine (pictured). Again guilty for leaving her, but she’s apparently off her face on catnip and being fed like royalty. Just like her name.

Grateful today. For stillness, softness, solo brunches, sacred silence, and strange discomforts that teach you something.

Both feet leaped into stillness, one foot leaped out of the dance.

[miskinmusic24-25]

Edward Aherne 

Artist Statement for Final Major Project

For my Final Major Project, I’m aiming to create a music experience that feels alive, authentic, and full of energy. My core motivation stems from my love for blues guitar, which has always been my main source of inspiration. I am particularly drawn to the emotional depth and raw energy the blues brings, and I want to channel that into the project. I see myself playing guitar in a blues style, using it as both a lead instrument and a way to tell stories through melodies and riffs that speak to the soul.

The way I envision creating music for the project is through collaboration in a jam band environment. I believe the best music comes from spontaneous, real-time creation—where everyone has the space to experiment and bring their ideas to the table. This process of jamming will allow us to build songs naturally, with each member’s contribution shaping the sound in unexpected and exciting ways. I want the project to reflect the spirit of improvisation, giving room for the music to evolve organically.

In terms of performance, I would like to blend musicianship and stage presence, taking inspiration from artists like Too Short. His ability to engage the audience with confidence, charisma, and storytelling is something I admire. I would love to bring that kind of energy to the stage—making sure the audience feels every moment of the performance. The energy and connection between performers and the audience is crucial to me, and I want my performances to be memorable for how they uplift and energize the crowd.

My songwriting will be an important part of the project, and I want to write music that is emotional and thoughtful, but also dynamic and full of movement. One of the songs I’m thinking of could be in the vein of "Flying" by The Beatles—a track that is both dreamy and experimental, yet grounded with a strong melodic backbone. I see myself writing lyrics that explore themes of freedom, introspection, and the journey we all go on in life. I have a lot of ideas for songs, and some may have shifts in dynamics to keep things exciting—moving from quiet, reflective moments to powerful, high-energy sections.

I believe my strength lies in writing lyrics and developing concepts. I’ve always had a lot of ideas floating around in my head, and this project will give me the chance to explore and shape them into cohesive songs. I could help other musicians by contributing lyrics, helping with arrangements, and offering ideas that could make the music feel more dynamic. I’m also open to collaborating on the creative direction, as I think every idea, no matter how small, has the potential to elevate the overall vision.

When it comes to collaboration, I work best with people who are open-minded and passionate about the project. I’d like to work with musicians who are not only talented but also willing to experiment and try new things. That said, I would not like to work with anyone who is overly negative or brings an unproductive energy into the process. The vibe has to be supportive, positive, and conducive to creativity.

What I don’t want this project to be is dull or stagnant. I’m not interested in making something that feels predictable or boring. It should challenge us as musicians and push boundaries. I want to take risks, explore new ideas, and make something that excites both the performers and the audience.

Beyond my musical contributions, I can also bring practical skills to the project. I have experience with operating the lighting desk, and I’d like to use that skill to help enhance the overall production. I want to ensure that the lighting complements the mood of the music and performance, creating an immersive experience that draws the audience in and heightens the emotional impact of the show.

In summary, my goal for this project is to create a unique, exciting, and memorable musical experience that reflects my passion for blues, collaboration, and energetic performance. I want to write music that moves people, energize the audience, and ensure that the process is one of growth, exploration, and collective creativity.