#if normal means crying and sobbing at 2am

[whatslostnfound]

this is the worst show ive ever seen in my entire life (i love it so much)

sam telling dean his confession was how much he let him down? cas watching his sisters and brothers fall from heaven? dean telling sam hes the one person he will always put first?

god js take me already

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

Hello!

New to the fandom and your posts have been lovely to read! I don't know if it's been done already, but, may I request the TF2 mercs' reactions to having a nightmare? Like, frequency, how they cope with them, how they handle them when they happen?

The TF2 Mercs Reactions to A Nightmare!

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Anon, you are making me sob. Welcome to the fandom. You'll never be able to leave. But I haven't done this prompt before, so I'm glad to do it now! Uh, angsty as hell and a small spydad mention.

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Demo wakes up drenched in sweat. He's had nightmares before, but he doesn't really dream. Dreams are a rarity. Nightmares aren't too common either happening, maybe twice a month. He hasn't found a way to handle them. Drinking booze like water helps temporarily, but so does going back to sleep because if he falls back asleep, then he doesn't have to reflect on what his nightmares might mean. He'll probably end up staring at the wall for a while before going back to sleep. Hoping his brain will forget it by morning. It doesn't. He doesn't know how to cope.

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Engie is just tired. He usually buries himself in work so he doesn't have to sleep. Nightmares are a regular occurrence. He doesn't know when they started, or even what they're about half the time. He wakes up with a deep feeling of dread and fear, but he doesn't know why. He can't remember them, so it's weird they have such a hold on him. He'll normally just get up and start his day at that point regardless of its 2am or 7am, trying to distract himself in any way he can. He uses work to cope, tinkering away at some new projects he pulled out of thin air.

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Heavy just sighs, rolling over to go back to sleep. He has nightmares very rarely, and none are particularly scary, mainly sad. Occasionally, he'll cry if the nightmare is about something that's too real to him. He doesn't feel the need to react, to cope, to do anything other than let the haze of sleep overtake him again. He likes to think he forgets about the pain his nightmares cause him, but memories of them creep in during the day sometimes. He does check in the mornings that everything is okay and everyone is alright as a sort of coping mechanism.

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Medic wakes up crying, well, sobbing. He puts up a good front during the day. Not letting the mix of past traumas and present traumatizing events get to him while he works. But oh boy, is this man riddle with nightmares. He almost thinks it's a punishment of some kind. He can't remember the last time he slept soundly. He'll spring out of bed, wiping the tears from his face and grabbing his glasses, much like Engie he's ready to just start the day, but he hears soft cooing and the flap of wings. Archimedes lands softly on his shoulder, demanding affection from him and immediately distracting him from whatever spiral he's currently in, and sits with him until Medic is subtly convinced by the birds insistence of moving him to the bed to go back to sleep. Always staying in his line of sight while the ex doctor sleeps, making sure his friend is okay

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Scout is terrified. Like petrified in fear. He won't move from his bed. He doesn't have nightmares too often, but when he does, they hit him like a train. He just wants to sleep and not be plauged by bad thoughts. He tried to reassure himself that it's all just a dream, all in his head, and most of the time, it works. When it doesn't, however, he thinks about how his mom used to comfort him when he was younger, or just thinking of his mom or his childhood in general, it gives him a safe feeling. He might even find himself calling his mom after just to make sure she's okay.

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Snipers eyes open with a sigh as he stares at the ceiling. He's pissed. He's always tired because of this shit. Nightmares are a common occurrence, not as common as Medic's, but still frequent enough to interfere with his sleep schedule. They're stressed induced, and he can't ever find a way to stop them. He's tried drinking, smoking, he even asked Medic for advice, only to be told that, "If I had a cure, everyone would know about it by now." So he just lays there in hatred for his brain, a brain that cursed him with horrible dreams. Sometimes, though, if you catch him on one of his better days, he'll open up just enough for someone to maybe offer up some advice.

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Spy only lets a few tears out as he drapes a hand over his face to cover his eyes. His nightmares are more like regret filled dreams, he has them quite a bit, the frequency increasing after Scout joined the other mercs. He lets himself feel sad for only a few seconds before a guilt washes over him, making him feel as if he has no right to feel upset. He might light a cigarette cope. Smoking is the least likely thing to help, but hey, it's an excuse to go outside. He'll never address any of the guilt, shame, or fear feels from his nightmares. He just buries it. Never learning to cope and never feeling like he deserves it.

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Soldier is used to it. Nothing really phases him anymore. Not the real world, not the nightmares, nothing. He just goes back to sleep, silently hoping that he doesn't slip back into the nightmares, but he does. He has them at the same frequency as Medic, but is granted no support. He does find comfort once when he finally opens up about them to Medic. Medic and him discussing nightmares between the both of them. He's not one to do this often, though, finding that he doesn't need to cope as long as he pushes down the reoccurring thoughts of his nightmares. He's sure he'll be just fine.

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Pyro is hyperventilating, crying, and just a mess. They don't have nightmares often at all, maybe once a year, their mind always being able to protect them from it somehow, but when the nightmare comes its bad. Enough to probably actually traumatize Pyro on some level. Crying helps them in the moment, being a way for them to let their emotions out quickly, but after that, they need comfort, turning to whatever friends (mostly Medic or Engie) who could help them. Both are more than happy to comfort Pyro in their time of need, helping them forget about the dream until next time.

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Hot take! These fuckers cry, a lot. Men can cry and still be strong and manly, especially traumatized men. I want to give them hugs :,) I hope this makes sense and follows the prompt bc i am so tired rn, but i had to get this out 😭Anyways, I hope you like this Anon! And again, welcome to the fandom. Enjoy your new life >:D

[yaemikomine]

I wish you would.

summary: you wish he would come back so badly, you need him in your life. After 1 month of being broken up and you still think of him, thankfully he still thinks of you too. Featuring : Megumi Fushiguro part 1. masterlist

“I wish you would come back, wish I never hung up the phone like I did. And I wish you knew that, I’ll never forget you as long as I live. And I wish you were right here right now, it’s all good I wish you would”

It’s been only a month since you and megumi had broken up, and it’s been HELL for you. You no longer had the energy to go to your classes or talk to anyone besides nanami. And if you ever did go to your classes, you would no longer have the excitement you had before. Seeing megumi absolutely nonchalant and not caring about the fact you looked horrid when you would go to your classes - Which made you always have to leave early, sobbing on your way out.

you don’t know what to do anymore, crying in your room. There’s a knock on the door, shutting your cries. groaning as you get up from your bed, your eyes bloodshot red and your clothes a mess. Opening the door to see Nanami, you walk back to your bed. “What do you want nanami…” laying back down, he sits down on a chair near your bed. “Satoru told me that you left your class early again…you can’t be doing that” your eyes met, giving him a mean look before explaining how you just can’t be near him right now.

“Nanami- I just can’t see him. It hurts too bad you know how long we’ve been together and just to see him act so… normal. It hurts me” you slowly get up from your bed, seeing him grab your hairbrush from your desk. He began brushing your hair, starting from the bottom of your hair, slowly making his way to the top. “I know but you have to go to your classes. don’t let a silly boy who obviously doesn’t care about you two breaking up enough to reach out to you. Keep going to your classes don’t let him bother you so much” he said

You wipe the tears off your eyes with the palm of your hand, “I know- I know” pursing your lips as he placed the brush on his lap, he softly stroked your hair. Sighing, “…I’ll try.” You smile at him. He smiles back, “ok good and let me know if you’re still struggling. You know you can talk to me any time, especially if you need help. I have to go now” he sat up from the chair - you give him a hug and walk him to the door.

“It’s 2AM in my room, headlights pass the window pane - I think of you. We’re a crooked love, in a straight line down. Makes you wanna run and hide then it makes you turn right back around”

After you ran off crying that day, kugisaki, gojo, and itadori looked at your running figure before they walked to megumi, kugisaki fuming, itadori scratched his head. “Megumi what it wrong with you?! You two were together before I came here and you broke up with her, for what?” She kept reprimanding him - megumi just sat down on the wooden floors, staring at the ground, seemingly sad. “Answer me, megumi! Why would you do that to her?”

He finally looked up and everyone could see the sadness surrounding his eyes. “…i- I want her to be happy and do better. She… she never did better with me. Trust me, she’ll get over this then she’ll be better and she will forget all about me…- about us”

Silence fell over them, “megumi…” she spoke out, everyone looking at him, shock written over their face. She finally spoke up, rage still in her voice, “well fuck that! She loves you. So much, you were all she cared about. She did better with you so get her back” she pulled him up by his arms. Satoru and itadori finally spoke up, “yea megumi get her back!! You two are meant to be” Satoru said, itadori agreeing with him. He shakes his head softly, “I can’t. I broke up with her, if I hurt her again I won’t be able to do it anymore” he gets up from the floor, walking away and back to his room where he sees nanami leaving your dorm.

Nanami and him make eye contact as nanami continues walking, “is…is she okay?” He asked quietly, he stops to look at him. “No. But she will be, I know that” he says, briefcase in one hand before walking off as he stares at where nanami once stood at. He opens his dorm room, laying down on his bed. His head softly resting on his pillow, looking up at the ceiling - thinking of your beautiful face and your amazing smile that lit up his whole world.

“You always knew how to push my buttons, you give me everything and nothing. This mad mad love makes you come running. To stand back where you stood”

It’s been a week now and you’ve finally been doing better. You began showing up to your classes and actually staying the whole class instead of having to leave early like before. You began talking to everyone - besides megumi, unfortunately. And you do care, you care that you two aren’t talking but you won’t put in the effort. He isn’t talking to you and you won’t talk to him either. But everything still doesn’t stop you from thinking of him at night. You never got over it - the pain just got easier to manage for you.

But if it seems like too much, you call nanami. You tell him everything you feel and how you don’t know what to do without him anymore. But everyone doesn’t see that besides nanami, they see that you finally bounced back after the break up. But as you got better megumi got worse. But like you - he kept it hidden never showed it to anyone. You both think of each other at night, wishing you could both hold each other again.

But tonight was bad, really bad. Satoru had taken everyone out to a small coffee shop and everything was normal. Until the cashier had begun flirting with megumi - you closed your hands into a fist, wishing you could punch her repeatedly. But instead you looked down, not wishing you could see what was happening right now. Once megumi was done placing his order for a black coffee with a blueberry muffin - your favorite. You ordered a small latte and quickly sat down with kugisaki, who had already ordered.

When everyone was done placing their order, they all sat down. Megumi sat down in front of you, both of you looking at each other’s eyes before looking away quickly. Pulling out your phone, waiting for the waitress to bring everyone’s order. Everyone began talking but you just continued paying attention to your phone. Itadori sat right besides you, he looks at your phone - quickly snatching it. You gasp, “yuji, give me back my phone!” You smiled at him, trying to grab your phone from his hand. He smiled, “naha - not until you get off of it and pay attention to what we’re saying!!”

You finally grab it, placing it on your lap, “ok - ok! I will” you laughed out softly, not noticing the way megumi looked at you two with rage in his eyes. After a while of talking with the whole group - the waitress finally brought the order. You noticed it was the same one who was flirting with megumi. You see her place down his coffee and muffin with a note. You saw it had a number on it, a sharp inhale made it’s way out of your mouth.

You tried not to pay attention to him after that - just talking to kugisaki and itadori while gojo just listened and often said a few words which was truly unlike him. megumi, like gojo, listened in but never spoke unless itadori spoke to him. Until he finished half of his muffin, looking at it for a second - “..do you want the rest?” He looked at you, softly sliding it to you. You looked at it for a moment and then looked up at him, smiling softly. “Yea, thanks” you broke off a piece, eating little by little. The note that the waitress had given him was underneath it, acting like a plate for it.

Once everyone was done with their food, they all got up ready to go. You ate the rest of the muffin, shoving the note into your pocket.

“2AM here we are, see your face, hear my voice in the dark. We’re a crooked love in a straight line down - makes you wanna run and hide but it made us turn right back around”

After you were finished telling nanami what had happened early, he sighed over the phone. “well if he gave you the napkin, he obviously didn’t care enough to look at it” you hear clacking in the background, he’s obviously typing on his computer - ready to go home and relax. You looked at the note in your hand, “yea…yea your right. I don’t know what I was thinking, he obviously didn’t even notice” you laugh, “he’s so stupid sometimes he doesn’t know anything…”

“Yes, also didn’t you say he gave you the rest of his muffin? He’s trying so I think you should also try talking to him as well and if not just don’t mind that and continue working on getting better with your strength” he said, still working. “Ok ok goodnight nanami, I’ll let you go since it’s two in the morning right now. But tomorrow you’re still gonna take me to go shopping, right?” You question as he goes silent for a second, “mhm, goodnight and get some sleep tonight so I can do that” he says before you hang up.

You lay down once again, staring up into the ceiling - thinking of him. It’s hard not to think of him when your whole world used to revolve around him. Shaking your head, you got up and began to walk out of your dorm room.

“I wish we could go back and remember what we were fighting for and I wish you knew that, I miss you too much to be mad anymore. And I wish you were right here, right now, it’s all good - I wish you would”

Sitting down on the field of grass, staring out into the small pond - you came out here to get some fresh air and to clear your mind. Not knowing someone else came out here for the same reason as well. You hear something behind you, turning around to see megumi standing there. Turning back around, “if he sits down I’ll say everything I want too” you think repeatedly, eyes shut tightly closed.

You turn around again, no one was behind you. going back to face the pond, immediately thinking the worst until you see he’s on the other side of you, sat down - looking at your face. “Megumi-“ you breath out, eyes wide. He cuts you off, “I’m sorry. I still love you, I miss you so much - I think of you all the time” he rambles off, tears form in your eyes, smiling at him. This time it’s your turn to cut him off, you kiss him.

He shuts up quickly, kissing back as you grab the nape of his neck, pushing down on him. He lays down, still kissing you. Your hand on his chest, pulling back - “Megumi I missed you so much, it was awful without you…” looking into his eyes, which showed his love and adoration. You kissed him again, a quick peck on his lips, then on his neck, another peck on his forehead and then all over his face, coddling him once again. You began to kiss his lips again, grabbing into his hair.

He flipped you both over, your back on the grass, and him on top of you. In between your legs, you wrap your legs around him - still toying with his hair. He pulls away like you did before. Looking into each other’s eyes - you both start laughing softly, you wrap your arms around his - promising to never let go of him now. He lets you and he promises the same thing to you and to never hurt you again.

[very-burnt-toast]

Some random unedited Klance stuff I wrote at like 2am last night

Lance finds himself standing before his mirror, eyes darting back and forth across his reflection as if scanning for something. With a sigh, he steps back and slumps down into his bed. Nothing out of the ordinary. It's perfectly normal. Unremarkable.

Nothing special.

Fitting, because that's all he is, isn't it? He's nothing special. Everyone else has something going for them. Shiro had been the leader who always figured out what to do and now he leads from the sidelines, Pidge is the tech genius who always has a comment to make. Hunk's the friendliest guy Lance has ever met and holds the team together, all the while making the best food ever. Allura and Coran know all about the lions and run the entire ship.

And Keith. Keith was the best at everything. He'd been the best cadet in the Garrison, he was hella good at fighting, thinking on the spot and being the team leader, looking pretty... And not the worst diplomat ever to exist. So basically all he needs to be a great paladin.

Lance couldn't help but envy Keith a little. Ever since his Garrison days Lance had always wanted to prove himself, to be worth something. But now here he is, deflated and sitting on his bed with no role to fill. And why would the team want him if he doesn't have a role to play?

But a much more devastating thought prickles in the back of Lance's mind. As much as he envies Keith and always made an effort to go out of his way to poke fun at him, he can't help but admire him. I mean, it's hard not to. The powerful yet graceful motions when he fights, the feeling in his voice when he gives commands to the team, his persistence when he wants sonething, and the amount he cares for his teammates.

It would take some kind of miracle to have that absolute prodigy even come remotely close to falling for a simple boy from Cuba with no redeeming qualities?

I mean, there's his immeasurable charm... But Keith could beat that one pretty easily. His mullet is nicer than Lance says it is on a regular basis. And his eyes. But no matter how much admiring Lance does, that's not gonna get him anywhere. It's not like he can say anything to Keith though.

Lance leans against the wall and lets his body deflate further. The more he thinks about Keith the more he can feel an ache growing in his chest. Collapsed against the wall, he lifts his hand to rub his eye and there's something wet on his face.

He was crying.

Right at that moment there's a knock on the door. Hurriedly, Lance wipes his eyes with his sleeve and inhales slowly and deeply before calling out, "Just come in."

The door opens to reveal none other than Keith himself. Keith's eyes widen to see Lance sprawled across his bed, leaning against the wall. "Are.. You okay over there, buddy?"

"Hey Keith, I'm... I don't know." Lance lifts his head and gives a weak smile. Keith walks over, sits down and glances at Lance with a look of concern.

"Lance, have you been crying?"

Lance blinks before turning his head away and taking another deep breath. As he exhales, Keith places a hand gently on his shoulder. "Look, I know I'm not necessarily the best one to talk to sometimes, but if you've got stuff on your mind you can always tell me."

Lance can feel the waterfalls that come rushing from his eyes as he pushes himself up and wraps his arms tightly around Keith, muffling his sob as he buries his face in Keith's shoulder. Keith is frozen for only a second before he returns the gesture. The two sit there like that in silence for a number of minutes before Lance eventually raises his head again and attempts to wipe his eyes on sleeves that are becoming more and more drenched by the second.

Noticing he left a large wet patch on Keith's shirt, he starts, "Keith, I- I'm so sorry I-"

"Hey, shh, it's okay, Lance," Keith reassures him, "what's on your mind, bud?"

Lance's head is flooded with thoughts; he wants to tell Keith just how he feels about him but the eminent doom of what would surely be a rejection stops him. He wants to confirm or deny his suspicions that he won't have a place in team Voltron anymore. Or maybe he just wants to know what Keith thinks of him. Lance's head spins but he opens his mouth to begin but somehow he blurts out everything all at once.

"I don't feel like I even have a place on the team anymore because everyone has something and I don't and I feel useless as if I'm just some normal guy while everyone else gets to be something special and I just want you to want me here and I know I make fun of you but I actually care more than I'd like to admit but I'm so jealous of you because you get to be something awesome that I could never be and I just want to be something and I..." he trails off into silence.

Keith slowly absorbs the information before once more glancing at the pile of limbs that is Lance before grabbing him by the shoulders and staring him straight in the eye, "You're not going anywhere. We aren't replacing you, Lance, and we aren't kicking you off the team."

His gaze softens and the muscles in his arms and hands relax a bit, "I'm not really sure how to put this next bit into words so you're just gonna have to trust me, okay?"

Lance pauses and cocks his head slightly, confused. Slowly he nods at Keith and says "I trust you."

And with that, Keith leans down and presses his lips to Lance's. Sliding one arm around his waist and one behind his head he kisses him smoothly but firmly. After a while he pulls away to reveal Lance, wide eyed and red faced, but now only the slight remnants of his tears remain glistening on his eyelashes.

Satisfied, Keith smirks through his words when he asks Lance, "does that give you your answer?"

Lance nods, causing Keith to smirk even more. Pushing himself up from the bed, Keith turns toward the door.

"Well then, if that's all you need from me I'll be in m-"

He's cut off by Lance who springs up and grabs Keith by the arm, spinning him around and kissing him again. This time it's Keith who's startled, but he quickly kisses Lance back. Lance's fingers run through Keith's long black hair and the other still holds him by the arm. The two pull away from each other and Lance, shooting Keith a challenging look, says "couldn't let you get away with winning that one, Kogane."

The slightest hint of pink dusts Keith's cheeks as he chuckles quietly to himself as he walks out of the room, leaving Lance standing in the middle of his room, now alone. But somehow, Lance didn't feel quite so separate anymore.

[noblehcart]

because its my blog and i can post what I want and so here's ZARA'S TOP TEN LIST OF FAVORITE BOOKS below the cut and with a very brief discussion on why.

Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux This book was one of the first books that really truly catapulted me back into reading as a young adult (the first being A Winter's Tale) and I remember sitting up and crying at 2am in my bed as I finished this book just sobbing and if i'm honest ? Feeling so ashamed that I take my normal life for granted. I have never had such a reaction to a book before and honestly I don't think I ever will again in such a resounding way. For me this is not a love story its a story about humanity and our relationships with each other.

Phantom by Susan Kay This book comes second because I don't have the same emotional connection as I do to the original but hands down in reading a book cover to cover and returning to reread snippets I have read this book so MANY times my god. I always go back to this book when I'm bored or need to revisit a friend. This book is definitely flawed and its got its issues but its one of my all time favorites and I'm so glad to have like three copies (hardcover, pdf and kindle) so its always on hand. I love the depth and exploration for Erik and what shaped him and his life and the people around him and how they were affected by him. Like wow. Its just a book I will always have on my shelf forever till I die.

The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy Its just so good and I don't know why more people haven't read it. Its the beginning of the creation of superheroes and double identities and it has a FEMALE LEAD. The entire book is in the POV of the brilliant and beautiful Marguerite and honestly if I had known years back that it was from a female pov I'd have gotten into it much MUCH sooner. Its dynamic, the characters are so good and the villain is so deliciously good at being bad. I loved the movie, but the book just captured my heart because Margot is this wonderfully clever but soft heroine that just speaks to me.

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo WHAT can I even say about this duology other than the characters are flawless and by that i mean they are so flawed and relatable and complex. Its a wonderful book of found family and slow burns and enemies to lovers with fantastic representation. I absolutely couldn't make myself get into S&B but you can pry the crows from my cold dead hands because I adore them and go back to reread this series all the time!

The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova This is also a big reread for me, but mostly I go back and reread sections that interest me most but the entire book is just gold. Its just MINDBLOWING that we never know the main heroine's name which is just shocking, but we never needed it or would've noticed if it wasn't pointed out. Its this complex beautifully woven story with history, globetrotting, mystery, suspense and some thrilling aspects that I just love love about it. This is the book that sent me down the Dark Academia rabbit hole guys.

The Golem & Jinni by Helene Wecker This book honestly is on par with The Historian for me because the pacing is very much the same and it took me a bit to read it as did the The Historian, but man am I glad that I did because its complex, its such a human story told in such a supernatural fun way that's just thrilling in a slow build sort of way that ends beautifully and I can't wait to start on the second book soon! The character development and the world building just really draws you in and makes you forget your current time to be absorbed into theirs and its brilliant.

The Invisible Life of Addie Larue by V.E Schwab I'll be honest and say that this book almost didn't make the list because at first I didn't think the book was as good as the hype, but upon looking back and rereading snippets again and rereading the ending more thoroughly- my god, this book is definitely going to be a CLASSIC. Its beautifully written and one of the books I made myself slow and savor each word and sentence as it wove the magic over the years of addie's life. Its a VERY good book that I'd definitely recommend to anyone and everyone. Addie has grown on me in such a different way and I love love her.

Entwined by Heather Dixon THIS is one of my all time childhood/youth/teen favorites. Yes its YA and yes it might be a little boring to the adult reader, but its one of my absolute favorite retellings of the 12 Dancing Princesses. I still go back and reread it because its that good and has a special place for me. The villain and world building is so good and easy to follow along. Its fantastic and I'd go back and reread this book over and over again. Its great if you love magic, sisters, princesses, unexpected love, dancing and magical objects.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte This is on the list because I remember loving reading the story in highschool and feeling so connected to Jane and now as an adult I love her even more for her actions and choices. Its one of the first classic books I ever bonded over with my brother on and so that in itself is a miracle. Jane just has a special place in my heart for the romance, the mystery, the dynamics and the characters and their development is just absolutely wonderful with a fantastic ending. Can't really ask for more.

The Book of Esther I have done and read and watched nearly everything I can find on the book of Esther, which is kinda the oddball on this list because its a book in the Bible, but its still a book in my definition. Its just such a beautiful story of overcoming oppression, tragedy, fear, genocide and this beautiful painting of faith in terrifying times. The twists and turns and thrills and complexities that come with this story before and after if you know the history and its setting- Persia (-gestures to Kay's Phantom-) just absolutely has me fascinated. There's also the aspect that just maybe the 1001 Nights are inspired or based off the story of Esther just absolutely delights me with its fantastic similarities because I adore that story just as much as this one. I love Esther's bravery, courage, wisdom and discernment and she's absolutely one of my heroines IRL that I look to.

Honorable mentions:

I, Strahd by P. N. Elrod - The only reason this isn't in the top ten is because it reads sO MUCH like Kay's Phantom that if I had to chose one of these it'd be Phantom, but this book was so good and really helped get me back into reading during one of my many many slumps. It was a great blend of myth, royalty, supernatural and tragedy that I've reread it a few times already recommended it to a LOT of my friends.

Wintersong by S Jae-Jones- The only reason why THIS one didn't make the ten list is simply because I already have ten and because it would be between this and Jane Eyre and lbh Jane Eyre is almost the perfect book. It was a toss up of faerie girls and Miss Eyre won it because she really was my first classical book love.

Wildwood Dancing by Juliet Marillier THIS BOOK omg its another 12 Dancing Princesses retelling and its so beautifully and wonderfully crafted in its world building and the magic and the everything of it. ITS SO GOOD and tbh I'd definitely recommend this book more to the adult reader than I would Entwined, but- BUT it didn't make the list because I would personally pick up Entwined far more often and remember the characters far more than I did in this book. It is a very very good book and I also highly recommend you read it if you like retellings, vampires, fae complexities and a blending of fairytales.

ACOTAR by SJ Maas- I did really enjoy reading this series but it is definitely not one of my top faves because its really only the last two books (not the novella) that I actually devoured. Its a good series and I def recommend reading it because its almost worth the hype but my quibble here is that I could EASILY slip out of that world/the books never absorbed me like others have. Also I didn't care for the main heroine shhh don't come after me guys.

A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers So this book was a toss up between it and Esther and it was a TOUGH one because I do go back and reread this trilogy at least 2-3x a year, but I do reread and study and think a lot more about Esther so it lost out in that competition spot. But its an excellent series and the first two books just have my heart for the romance and the intrigue going on during this time period. Its a wonderful slow burn though I'll admit the third book is slightly out of pocket, but still so good that I had to make pinterest boards about this series.

Eye of the Red Tsar by Sam Eastland THIS book is so so SO GOOD if you're into reading about the Romanovs and Russia shortly after that. The entire series is so so good and I normally don't like mystery and thriller plots but this book does have a special place for me, but was beat out by the golemn & the jinni. Pekkala is fascinating and the people and cast he meets along the way just build up in such a delightful way.

The Holy Thief by William Ryan Again this only got beat out by The Historian by a margin because vampires, but The Holy Thief oh my god is very much on par with the Eye of the Red Tsar because its the same time period and magnetic energy. I was so invested in this book and its characterse and it might be due to my love of all things Romanov/Anastasia musical wise, but it was so good and I highly recommend it. I wept, I laughed, I sat on the edge of my seat it was a great read.

The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran This is a recent read and like wow...it just really blew my mind and touched me in a way I don't usually get outside of my belief system and IDK but this book is everything and more than the hype and the only reason its not on the list is because it didn't quite beat out Esther for me but its such a good book.

Tagging you because I would love to see everyone's Top 5 or 10 favorites : @walkingshcdow, @myhiraeth, @kingmakercastle, @demonstigma, @historiavn, @swede, @lordofthestrix, @fasciinating, @reverdies, @ensnchekov, @malka-lisitsa, @paramounticebound , @delanuit, @starlsssankt, @aigonakru

[snowfalltxt]

I Wish You Would

Established relationship - Beomgyu x reader

Tags: Angst/Fluff

A/N: I wrote a whole backstory for this but I ditched it (it was the longest thing ive ever written)

Hopefully it’s ok since I changed the pronouns and perspectives literally THREE times 😭

Flashing blue and green in the dark, the alarm clock incessantly blinks; 2am.

You were tossing and turning, desperately trying to sleep. Yet, you were constantly replaying the same ending in your head over and over again which you swore not to do. Even though you know you should move on, doing so felt like slowly cutting yourself to death with paper cranes. ‘I’m so sorry. I’ll never forget you, even in the afterlife,’ you whisper to the desolate air, rewinding the film inside your head to the beginning…

━━━━━━

Sitting together on a park bench underneath a tree, rays of warm sunlight shone through the autumn leaves and into your eyes. The atmosphere smelt like dirt, but it wasn’t revolting. No, it smelt like memories of when you would play in the mud with Beomgyu when you were 7, giving him your weekends purely out of joy. Like when you would roll together down fresh, grassy hills in the cool summer breeze after checking for cigarette butts to avoid.

Even though the sun burning your eyeballs would normally sting, you didn’t mind it too much this time. You could tolerate the slight pain if he were sitting next to you; you could probably tolerate almost any pain with him beside you.

Whenever you would see his face, you would be so happy. Not just because of his physical attributes, but because you saw someone who would transform your bad days into great ones. Someone who comforted you when you needed it, who actually cared for you through the plethora of fair-weathered friends you encountered. Someone who you knew you wanted to spend forever with each time you gazed longingly into their eyes because they felt like home.

━━━━━━

‘How did we get to this point?’ You questioned Beomgyu with salty tears running down your face. Your face was off-colour from stress, and your knuckles being strained from desperately gripping onto the sheets of his hospital bed. You shoved your face into them, since you didn’t want him to see you cry.

Especially not when he’s the one with an illness, and not you. ‘I don’t know. I really mean everything I said though. I hope that you know I’ll always love you. My time is running out, so I hope you can move on and find someone new,’ Beomgyu whispered. His energy was depleting, he tried his hardest to fight but it was no use.

‘How could you ever expect me to move on? I’ve been by your side since the beginning and you just expect me to be fine with all this? Where’s the Beomgyu that I knew who dropped everything he was doing to comfort me?’ You still kept hoping, even though you knew deep down that everything was hopeless at that point.

Your emotions had taken over, your whole world was crumbling and you felt as if someone were hastily ripping a bandaid off you. However, unlike normal bandaids, this one exposed a wound which would never heal. Beomgyu made you the happiest person alive. Now, he’s made you the most miserable person who's dead inside.

Beomgyu was trying to soothe you by patting your head and rubbing your back. You had lost track of time and didn't know how long you had been sobbing, but once you realised that you couldn’t feel Beomgyu’s comforting touch anymore, you looked up at the pulse monitor. ‘Beep…’ Followed by a long silence.

Just like his heart did, you felt your heart stop too.

━━━━━━

It was too late to change anything. Too late to tell him how much he meant to you. You didn’t want his last memory to be of you crying pathetically like that, but you can’t change anything about it.

[fairygardencorgis]

Hi there I just wanted to let you know that someone recommended Aurora Dolls on a discord. I don't normally think much of recommendations but they were so adamant about how amazing it was so I went ahead and tried it out... and oh my holy god. I had to find you to tell you that this was one of the greatest reads I've ever experienced. I finished it in 2 days, at 2am, and literally sobbed from the heartbreak for 3 hours after. But tragedy aside, your writing is so beautiful and vibrant. I loved every word, even through the tears. I'm usually not a fan of reincarnation au's but wow this one made me so happy to see, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way (except maybe Levi surviving prison LOL). Honestly you should consider changing the names and publishing this as a book because it would sell like crazy. I wish I could put into words how this story changed me but I don't even know what to say... just know it's been about a week since I read it and I still can't stop thinking about it. I noticed you don't really write for AOT/ereri anymore but I hope one day you might be inspired to write another ereri fic again! (Currently soaring through your works like there's no tomorrow because I can't get enough.) Anywho, I just wanted to let you know that you are such a talented writer and Aurora Dolls will always stay with me in the most beautiful yet painful way. I'll never forget it. Thank you for sharing such an incredible work with us <3

Well this comment certainly made me ascend to another plane of existence.

Like, I can't believe first of all that someone recommended my fic. Blows my mind that someone liked it enough to tell someone else to read it. Second of all, that the story touched you that much even years after I wrote it. It means a ton to me that you liked the fic enough to tell me and it made you cry?? Really?? Gah, you angel, I can't.

Oh absolutely I want to get that thing published at some point. It's my favorite out of all the fics I've written. I'm so soft for old timey queer romance, it's just super fascinating to me, so yes I'll definitely be getting it published.

Awwww :3 For now, I think my days of writing for Ereri are done, but I had a blast writing them and I'm glad you're enjoying them. All I can say is, keep tissues with you because I seem physically incapable of writing anything that's not bittersweet xD Thank you again, I'm going to print out this comment and hang it on my wall.

[thewoodslegacy]

Previous | Next | Beginning

Lydia: Rosie, we need to talk.

Rose: This is weird. You’re the calm one I’m the one who does the worrying

Lydia: This is what happens when I get panicked texts from Uncle Kristopher.

Rose: He texted you?

Lydia: He’s really worried about you. More than usual.

Rose: Oh. What did he say?

Lydia: That you don’t seem like yourself recently. And after you calling me at 2am I would agree. So we’re sitting here until you drop the I’m fine act.

Lydia: Oh Rosie! Are you crying? I didn’t mean to make you cry.

Rose: [sniffling] I’m I’m

Lydia: Don’t you fucking dare say fine.

Rose: Work is stressful and everyone has big things happening in their life which I can handle normally but recently I’ve been so overly emotional. I cry at everything and I’ve had a stomach bug and now Julia trying to mother me.

Lydia: You didn’t tell me you’ve been sick.

Rose: It’s nothing but Julia’s threatening to drag me kicking and screaming to the doctor’s office if I’m still sick this week.

Rose: [starts sobbing]

Lydia: Oh Rosie. If you’re still not better this week we’ll call Mama. She’s technically retired now but she still sees patients.

Lydia: Now, dry your eyes, drink your tea and let’s watch a movie. Nothing productive will happen tonight. I’m here now, I’ve got you.

Rose: [sniffling] Loo-Lee you’re the best. I hate you live so far away. I wish you lived closer.

Lydia: I know Rosie. I know.

[connorsui]

I did not needed to cry this early in the mornING at 2am reading this beautiful simon fic while eating pasta with wine 🤡🤡 this man would always try and keep those that want him far away as possible and all honestly …I get that but sweetie — you have to understand how much we care and adore you to have you around!?!?!

Like can you not see me begging you to stay in my life!? 💔😭

Simon: i do want you …I want you in my life ..but any one that stays always ends in death and I don't want to happen to you 🧍🏻‍♀️

Reader: *sobbing* Ye- aH?? --we!? ..- well! You - are no- not leaving me! …*breathes* – …you are staying in this house until you realize how much you mean to me! *sobs again*

Simon: ….🧍🏻‍♀️ ⏬️⏬️⏬️

Reader: ⏫️⏫️⏫️

I cant- ..I'm..-- but just to keep it less angst and more fluff let's think it does end well at the end?! ..and we get the ending we truly deserve with him?? He's alive ..he's with us ..he stayed ..and we are alive …everything that he said will happen didn't happen and maybe ..just maybe he will start to finally get those dreams he used to think about -

The dreams where he wanted to create a normal family life …a married life with his beloved – and slowly it starts to come up again more and more as each day passes – it starts to feel more real

GAAWWWWWWDDDDDDD IM DFYYYINGGGGG MY AUTHOOORR 🩷🩷🩷

you and I

simon ghost riley x reader

synopsis: after the betrayal, simon is scrambling to make things right. trying to push reader away for her own safety, but she's too stubborn to agree.

read the previous part first!

Link to master list:https://www.tumblr.com/ponyosmom35/733401347573088256/simon-ghost-riley?source=share

She paced back and forth, waiting for him to return. Her mind was in shambles. Never had she actually expected someone as wonderful as him to want her. She was in awe of their kiss. Unlike anything she’d ever felt before. The passion, the longing. She’d do anything to kiss him again, to never let him go. She wanted to show him how much she fucking loved him. She sits on her cot, braiding her freshly washed hair mindlessly to pass the time. Her body ached, begging for sleep, but her mind refused to let her close her eyes. She knew that Simon had responsibilities, but right now he was the only one who could comfort her. She needed him to tell her it was gonna be okay. 

It wasn’t for nearly another hour when Simon finally walked into the room. She instantly stands and moves over to him, wrapping her arms around his middle, burying her face in his best. He holds her and rubs her back. He takes his mask off and throws it to the side. “You doing okay?”

“Yeah” she nods

“So whats the word? What do we do now?”

“You’re going home” 

“You’re coming with me right?” 

“No”

“Hassan?” she asks 

“we've gotten intel on Hassan, we learned he's planning to take things nuclear. got a set up in Chicago, we're flying out in the morning” 

“Okay” she nods 

He looks down, refusing to meet her gaze “I've debriefed with Laswell and we're transporting you back to base in the UK immediately. From there you’ll take the first flight back to the states where you’ll be personally escorted home. Pack up we've got 20 minutes till your transportation arrives”

“And what about you?” she asks 

“I'll be joining the rest of the team for Chicago in the morning. just need to tie up a few... loose ends here”

“When will you be back?”

“it's up in the air at the moment, we'll try and get him fast but we can't be sure. could be a day, could be a week... or longer” 

“I should come with you then -”

Simon’s jaw tenses as he steps closer to her “its not safe for you, I’m trying to keep you out of harms way”

“I don’t wanna leave you, what if you get hurt -”

“This is for the best” he says coldly, she stares up at him and takes a step back, recognizing the cold tone. “This isn’t going to work out… between us”

“Why?” she asks as her heart stops, tears instantly fill her eyes “why would you say that to me?”

“I just... can't put you in danger like this anymore. I need to put the team first, we just got too invested and its a mess now. I'm sorry. I need to break things off before it gets too deep”

“If you’re saying this because of what happened, it was nothing! I’m fine! Don’t push me away again” she asks 

“I knew this would happen and I was too fucking stubborn to stop it! I tried so hard to keep you away, I destroyed us both for nothing. this is my life the people who get close to me die! I never should've let you in” he shakes his head, turning his back as he runs his hands through his messy hair. This was hurting him just as much as her, but he knew it was better this way. 

“Simon don't say that, I'm here, we're here! I'm gonna go back to base and you're gonna deal with Hassan and I'll still be here when you come back!”

“not this time love... this is it. I'm not letting you risk your safety again after what happened back there. this time. you're better off without me.”

“no I'm not! every second we're apart I feel like I can't breathe! I understand why you think we're a bad idea, but it's not a crime to let yourself be happy! what happened here with Graves was not your fault, you saved my life, you brought me home! you're a fucking hero Simon!” she pauses and take his hands 

“don't push me away again, you’re the only thing that makes sense to me” she admits 

“You have no idea how hard this is. You're everything I've ever wanted. How can I possibly face you again after this? how can I let you near me? the darkness in me will take us both”

“I won’t let that happen”

“you've seen my face! you know my name! now that we're associated you'll be used against me!”

“if that's the price I have to pay for you then so be it! I don't care!”

“But I do! I can’t fucking let you get hurt again don’t you understand?”

“If association is what you're worried about then I quit, I won't work on base anymore! Just tell me what you want from me and I’ll do it!”

“I don't know! I don't know anymore! everything's such a god damn mess and I'm sick of losing the people I love, okay?!” tears well up in his eyes as he finally breaks. 

“I know, but you’re not gonna lose me Si” she says gently as she walks over to him on the bed and pulls him into her. He leans his head on her chest as she wraps her arms around his shoulder. He holds her tightly as she runs a hand through his hair. 

“I'm sorry, I just can't let you go through this any-”

“I don't care! I want it all, give me the pain if you're my reward”

“Why can’t you ever make things easy for me?”

“Not in my nature”

He kisses the top of her head and caresses her cheek with one hand. his lips are soft and teasing as he pulls her in closer for a deep and intense kiss. he holds her tightly, not breaking the kiss until they’re both short of breath. 

“You win” he says “anything you want, I’ll do it love” 

“All I want is you”

Tag list:@vivi123abc

[fluffy-little-demon]

It's Gonna Be Ok

Sinclair Twins x Reader

It was 2am when I started writing this and I had just spent the last 10 minutes crying. All I need is a massive bone crushing hug from my favourite twins that lasts for hours.

You gave up on trying to sleep about an hour ago. It was useless as you laid in bed. All you felt was empty and completely numb.

A hot shower would normally help expect this time it made everything 10 times worse. You broke down in tears as you slid down the shower wall with the water still running.

Once the tears had slowed down, you continued to sit for another 5 minutes before slowly trying to get up to turn the shower off and get out. You wrapped a towel around you and went back to your room.

You dried yourself off and put on one of the guys' t-shirts you found on the floor. Then with the very little energy you had, made your way downstairs to make some tea.

You saw Bo in the kitchen with his back to you, from the looks of things he had just got back.

You wanted to run up to him and jump in his arms, just to let him hold you. Surround you with his familiar scent of motor oil and cigarettes to comfort you.

But the voices in your head held you back. You could feel your eyes welling up with tears and decided to just head back to bed so you wouldn't be a bother.

As soon as you turn around to walk away, the basement door opens and Vincent steps out with Jonesy right behind him.

You froze slightly not expecting Vincent to have come out of the basement. You could feel his eye staring at you and Jonesy's wet nose against your hand, both silently asking what was wrong.

For the third time that night you completely broke down. Your body losing all strength to hold itself up.

Vincent catches you before you manage to hit the floor. Holding you tight with one arm and gently rubbing your back with the other.

Bo turns around at the sound of your sobbing. Seeing you cling onto his brother like a lifeline, his quickly moves towards you gently tucking some hair behind you ear so he can see your face.

You turn your head slightly to look at him. Bo leans down a bit to say "Hey darlin, what's happened? Hmm, why ya cryin?"

You try to open your mouth but more sobs spill out. You move one of your arms to reach for Bo the other remains wrapped around Vincent.

Both twins are now hugging you trying to calm you down. You feel Bo kiss your forehead "It's gonna be ok sweetheart. We got you, you're safe baby"

Vincent has taken off his mask and nuzzled into your neck to be as close as possible as a way to comfort you.

You stay like this for a while until you've eventually calmed down enough to speak.

Vincent lets go of you to sign do you want to talk about it before wrapping his arms around your again.

Looking at the floor you reply in a weak voice "there's nothing to say"

Bo hooks a finger under your chin as a way to get you to look at him. "What ya mean nothin to say?"

"I mean I don't know why I feel like this. I just feel empty and not good enough like I'm nothing but a burden to you guys."

"Hey now you listen here and you listen good" Bo says firmly "you are not a burden darlin ya hear. You're the best damn thing that has ever happened to us and I mean that." Vincent nodded in agreement. "Me and Vinny are extremely lucky to have such an amazing partner like you." Bo's eyes soften as he places a hand on your tear stained cheek "I know I don't say it much but I do love you Y/N, so much." He leans down to kiss your lips.

Vincent signs that he loves you as well and to come talk to one of them if you ever feel like this again before also pulling you in for a kiss.

"How bout we watch a movie" Bo picks you up bridal style and carries you to the couch. Vincent goes to make you some tea.

Bo placing you down to put a movie on then pulling you onto his lap to get comfy. Vincent comes back with some tea and biscuits. Sitting down on the couch, you put your legs over his lap as he hands you your drink and snacks.

You no longer feel empty but are now filled with love from the two men you adore so much.

[ttuesday]

Hello there! Thank you for writing all these amazing headcanons! <333 I get so much joy when there's a new post from ya!

I had a prompt in mind: what are the gang members like when they get reaaaaly drunk? Who gets sad & sentimental, who gets all funny and jokey, who is all sleepy, and etc etc etc?

now this is an interesting one hehe

Arthur

When Arthur's drunk, he does his absolute best to try to convince everyone he isn't that drunk. He tries to walk in a straight line to prove he’s ok but accidentally walks into Uncle.

He somehow has great hearing and joins in on every sing song within a five mile radius. Arthur could be talking to you on the outskirts of camp but if he hears someone singing by the campfire, he joins in immediately.

He gets into a very jolly mood when he's drunk and talks about anything and everything. He rambles on about so much he interrupts himself a lot.

If he's sweet on you then Arthur asks to hold your hand and he won’t stop holding your hand for the e n t i r e night. No matter where you go or what you do, Arthur will potter after you with his hand still holding yours. And whenever you look at him, Arthur has a big, proud smile on his face as he looks at your hand in his.

Charles

Who is this man? Where tf did Charles  go? He acts very differently than sober Charles. Whatever idea springs to mind, he wants to do it. If he wants to do interpretive dance in the middle of camp then that's exactly what he does or if he decides to go skinny dipping at 4am then off he goes, trying to find a lake or a river.

One second Charles could be laughing so much he's nearly crying, a second later he could start sobbing because he remembered that time he accidentally shot a lawman's horse when he was trying to aim for the guy. Please hug him.

It doesn't matter how drunk Charles is, he can still yeet anyone over Mount Hagen and he can go from fun and goofy to deathly intimidating in under 1.5 seconds.

And if you and Charles are dating then he just wants to kiss you. He kisses your temple all the way down to your jawline before kissing back up to your ear.

Dutch

Dutch gets quiet when he's drunk. He just kinda sits there and stares off in a daze for ten minutes. When someone talks to him, it's like he buffers for a few seconds before responding.

But when he starts talking, good luck trying to get Dutch to shut up. And this man needs everyone to stop what they're doing and give him all of their attention when he decides to say a speech. And if one person stops paying attention then Dutch storms off.

Dutch really does believe he's unstoppable when he's drunk. And if you don't believe him then don't worry, Dutch has no problem spending three hours explaining how all of his plans are apparently bulletproof.

If Dutch is sweet on you then he tries to flirt with you. But the more he drinks, the harder it gets for him to string a sentence together. "Your eyes..." he slurs his words but tries to stay composed "they remind me... of uh... eyes".

Micah

Micah is so goddamn laid back when he's drunk. Strangely people tend to get on with Micah when he's drunk but by the time he's sober again he's gone back to being... well, Micah.

He's nice ? Which is so bizarre but he actually makes an effort to talk to people without antagonising them and instead of taking offence to comments, he laughs them off and sees it as a joke.

As long as the conversation stays light, Micah keeps his happy demeanour and he isn't even a bad loser when it comes to poker and five finger fillet. In a way, seeing Micah so friendly unnerves some of the other gang members because of how baffling it is.

If he's sweet on you then Micah will continuously asks if you'd like to sit on his lap. Of course he flirts with you but he's a lot sweeter than normal and tells you that you could definitely do better than him so he understands if you reject him.

John

John comes out of his shell when he's drunk. Instead of keeping his mouth shut, he says whatever he thinks of. Yeah he gets into more fights cause he doesn't know when to stop talking.

He can fall asleep anywhere and at any time. You could be chatting with him by the campfire and slowly feel him lean against your shoulder as he starts to softly snore. He once fell asleep while standing up right with one of his hands on a barrel for support.

When John tries to go to sleep when he's drunk, he's like a kid trying to go to sleep at a sleepover. John loudly says the most random words and makes random noises before he bursts out laughing, thinking it's the funniest thing in the world.

If John has a crush on you and he's drunk, he tries to be so helpful. He constantly asks you if you need anything. If you ask him to get you something then he walks a few feet away before completely forgetting what you asked for.

Bill

Let's be real, Bill's already a hothead when he's sober and he's exactly the same when he's drunk. He's very fast to start a fight but if someone lands one punch then that's Bill done for the night. Usually he's a better fighter but he has terrible balance when he's been drinking.

He tries to be productive when he's drunk, thinking that now's the perfect time to do some chores and to go on guard duty. Everyone knows better than to leave Bill go out on watch when he's like this. One time he tried to shoot a squirrel cause he thought it was going to run into camp.

Bill rambles a lot too, mainly telling stories from when he was in the army or reminiscing about different robberies he's done with the gang.

Bill can get really anxious so if y'all are in a relationship, he needs your comfort. His mind starts racing and he worries about little things so for you to be there and tell him everything is alright truly means a lot to him.  

Javier

Javier gets very goofy when he's drunk. He's keeps things light hearted, joking about things but is still able to hold his tongue when needed and have proper conversations too.

Honestly, Javier is probably one of the most level headed people in comparison to the rest of the gang but because he tends to stumble and get his words mixed up, people presume he's completely wasted when he's had a few to drink.

This man LIVES for those 2am deep and meaningful conversations. He absolutely adores having them and being drunk helps him open up more about his feelings so he has no problem expressing his emotions.

Are you ready to be swept off of your feet, both metaphorically and maybe literally depending on if you'll leave Javier do that? He's such a hopeless romantic when he's drunk. If camp is near a field or woodland then he sneaks off, picks some flowers and shyly gives them to you.

Sean

Sean manages to go through every mood when he's drunk. Everything is funny to him and he tries to make jokes about whatever comes to mind. Usually he jokes about Bill and Micah which leads to one of them arguing with Sean.

That's when Sean gets angry and thinks he's able to knock out anyone with one punch. Normally he ends up accidentally walking into a table or tripping over himself cause of how focused he is at punching the air.

Then Sean gets all sad and sentimental, feeling sorry for himself cause he accidentally bruised his leg. He has no problem sitting on the ground and pouting for a while, hoping that someone will walk past and give him some attention for a while.

If y'all are dating then Sean will tell you over and over again how much you mean to him and how much he loves you. He just wants to cling on to you for the night and make sure you know how loved you are.

Hosea

I hope you're sitting comfortably cause Hosea's gonna tell you every single goddamn story he can think of. Hosea tells you funny stories, sad stories, how he first met John and how he conned rich people. He really likes to reminisce when he's drunk.

Towards the end of the night, Hosea eventually gets quiet and if there's a party at camp where everyone is celebrating, then he goes off by the outskirts for a while.

Hosea likes to sit back and watch as everyone enjoys the night. He can get very sentimental when he does this but he likes to enjoy the little moments of the night and savour it all.

If he’s sweet on you then Hosea makes sure you know how special you are and that you deserve the best. He doesn't necessarily flirt with you but instead wants you to know how great you are.

Sadie

When Sadie drinks, she gets sad. She doesn't mean to get sad but her mind wanders and she thinks a lot about everything that's happened in her life and how she's ended up where she is today.

She doesn't speak a lot and ends up getting stuck in her head with thoughts whirling around and around. It can get overwhelming which is why she isn't that keen on getting completely wasted on alcohol.

She doesn't like how crowded camp can get so instead she likes to go off and find a nice scenic area to rest. Normally that helps calm her mind but Sadie also gets sleepy by then too.

If Sadie likes you and feels comfortable around you then she leans against you as ye both sit there in a peaceful silence. And if you suggest it, then she'll hesitantly rest her head on your lap and fall asleep as you play with her hair.

Kieran

Kieran doesn't get drunk often. He hates waking up the next morning and wondering if he pissed anyone off or said something he shouldn't have.

He's very happy when he's drunk, only seeing the positives in things and always smiling. Kieran is still a little shy but he's more open to being involved with what the gang's doing, whether that be singing along to some songs or dancing with whoever to Dutch's gramophone.  

Because of how involved he can become with the gang when he's drunk, he can get involved in a few fights or arguments. But contrary to popular belief, Kieran doesn't back down and makes sure to get his points across.

Kieran gets more confident after a few drinks and flirts with you more than usual. The more accepting you are to his comments, the more he flirts with you. Though if you flirt back then he gets very flustered.

[darthwheezely]

a change of heart - g.w.

summary: falling out of love was the last thing they had wanted.

pairing: muggle au!george weasley x reader

warnings: mentions of break ups, sex, cussing, ouid, heartbreak, no happy endings, apathetic!george, domestic fights, mean!reader (at times), insinuations of depression, toxic relationship

a/n: this is my first angst without a happy ending and honestly it feels very last 5 years to me and i was in a bad mood yesterday so this happened i love you all mwah xoxo

are we awake?

am i too old to be this stoned?

George blinked in what felt like slow motion at the crumbling ceiling above him as he took another long drag of his joint. He breathed out, his lungs and mind relaxing under a slimy green haze. The bed was spongey, destroyed from one too many sexual escapades and one night stands and full body tantrums that left him kicking and screaming.

His mind never really woke up after the day you packed up and took the bus downtown back to your parent’s. He usually laid there in a collapse of old cassette tapes and cannabis flecks, generally shirtless and wearing wear bleached boxers and lost.

George was never really awake after you.

was it your breasts from the start?

they played a part

You were stunning to him that day in London. You always were. That hadn’t been any different. But the day you walked into the pub everything about you just ached to be adored, he thought. He wanted to know what it was like to attach his mouth to the skin of your collar bone and nibble, knead at your breasts and have his fingers gripping your thighs the second you struck up a conversation.

“Two whiskeys and a beer later and I still don’t know your name,” he gave a little half smile and watched you bite your lip, a chuckle erupting from your throat.

“Y/N.”

“No last name?”

“Don’t need one, not yet anyway. You?”

He looked at you softly and nodded to himself.

“Let’s see if I can change that. I’m George.”

George needed you. Or at least, he thought he did.

for goodness’ sake

i wasn’t told you’d be this cold

He passed out on the couch, the old and relatively shitty TV left on static due to inactivity and refusal to be fixed.

You were supposed to have date night. At least, that’s what George thought. He knew you’d be out and about all day at work and then picking up dinner on the way home, but when you stumbled through the door at 2am, he shot awake. And in a flash of anger, he just picked up on the idea that date night didn’t really matter to you then, at least not tonight.

“Baby-“

“Don’t fucking baby me,” you had growled, looking at him with streaks of mascara running down your face. You sniffles and wobbled off to the bathroom, leaving an albeit confused George on the couch. He listened to you cry in the bathroom, and suddenly realized it didn’t matter if you were pissed at him or scared or whatever was happening.

At least you came home.

you smashed a glass into pieces

that’s around the time i left

“Fine,” you had shouted, picking up the now empty wine glass from the table and throwing it at the cabinets across from you.

The night had started off fine, the dinner was neutral - that had been your new normal with George. Neutral. You two weren’t really angry anymore, just tired. Until you both got in that heated argument and were screaming, the radio getting blown out your earshot due to the high intensity yelling in the room.

The minute the glass hit the cabinet you jumped ever so slightly, not really realizing you had done it, but knowing the lashing out of yourself had scared you just enough. You had let out a choking whimper and quickly enough, your boyfriend had rushed over to you and held you up.

“I’m sorry,” you sobbed against his chest. “Georgie, I’m so sorry, please don’t be mad at me anymore.”

He knew you weren’t really apologizing for a wine glass, or missing a date or two. He knew it was everything, and the idea that you were getting blamed for it all in your mind due to things you didn’t feel safe telling him about crushed him.

“My sweet girl,” he cooed, his nose and mouth pressing into the top of your head.

He pulled off the top of your head, brushing the tears from underneath your eyes “I love you so much, and you can push me away as hard and as much as you want but I’ll come right back, every single time.”

You nodded and fell back into his arms, and George regrettably swallowed.

He had just made a promise he knew he wouldn’t keep.

then she said, "i’ve been so worried about you lately"

"you look shit and you smell a bit"

“George,” you had cleared your throat and sat up a bit straighter in the chair.

It had been approximately two months since he had pushed away from you, and since then you had heard radio silence from the man that had stolen your heart and left your mind mush. But here you were back in the apartment at the behest of Fred who had been, admittedly, “worried fuckin’ sick” about his younger twin.

The apartment was disgusting. Dishes from weeks left in the sink that had most likely caked mold and other major nastiness. Everywhere it smelled like cheap beer and even cheaper weed. It was nauseating to be at the dining room table, looking at the face that used to be George Weasley, but was now puffy, like he’d been getting over crying every single day, his eyes red rimmed and purpling, his usually pale but still vibrant skin tone sallow and raw.

“Georgie, they’re worried about you,” you said softly. He snorted and took another bite of his Ramen.

“George, you look shit, you’re just a-a shell, and your mom has no clue what’s going on, Fred can’t keep up with demands for the record store without you and god, everyone just misses you-“

“I’m fine, Y/N,” he cut. He clenched his jaw before finally looking back up at you, nodding ruefully to himself.

“You saw to it that I always was.”

i feel as though I was deceived

i never found love in the city

i just sat in self-pity and cried in the car

“Pass the damn thing, Fred, Jesus, you bong hog,” George playfully slapped his older brother on the chest. It was their best friend Roger’s nineteenth birthday, and as such, it was 4 in the morning, everyone either knackered as hell or making out in the corner. But Fred always opted to light up with George, especially since he knew it’d be the last time before the Big Move to the City as they referred to it.

“I am, I am, calm your tits, mate!” Fred had puffed into the air, sliding the bong to his brother and watching him inhale. He coughed, George always coughed - as much as he said he was the more mature and worldly one, he still got these little flashes that proved only to Fred that George was his baby brother.

“You know what I’m gonna do once we get to Londontown, Freddie-bomb?”

“What would that be, Georgie?” He smirked, leaning back against the couch. George grinned to himself and finally looked at Fred.

“I am going to find the most beautiful girl and marry her outright.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And she’s going to have the most gorgeous mind - her brain, y’know. And and we’ll talk about music and art and shit I don’t care sex and whatever the hell else she likes, and I’ll buy her flowers and perfume and pretend I know what I’m doing because I’m a dumb kid and hell, I’ll fall in love so fast...and I hope she does the same...”

George sat in his beat up old Volvo, took in a shaky breath, and started to sob. His fists delivered downward strikes against his steering wheel at his memories, the feelings of love and joy he knew were still there begging to be freed.

But for now, he’d cry.

oh, i just had a change of heart

The answering machine clicked on, the voicemail ringing through the silence in the bedroom. “Hey, Y/N...sweetheart, we - I - can’t do this anymore,”

i just had a change of heart

“It’s not your fault, baby, but...angel, we can’t do this anymore,”

i just had a change of heart

“I loved you so much and we’re killing each other and I-I couldn’t do anything to stop it except hope that it would pass one day, because we could always make it pass, we could do that,”

i just had a change of heart

“But baby, it’s time to...it’s time to stop. For now, at least until things are better - until we are better,”

i just had a change of heart

“Until we can fall back in love again...I just know we can.”

The machine stopped clicking.

taglist! @whizboingies @harrysweasleys @wandsandwheezes @valwritesx @lumosandnoxwriting @amxrtentias @mothermantids @cyliamarti @shakinganxiety @godricsswords @rosietoesy @jorduhnn @sinfulweasley @wand3ringr0s3 @jaywritesstuff0 @anchoeritic

[hockeylvr59]

Collide Part 2 || Sidney Crosby

Summary: Life as a single foster mom and a pediatrician didn’t leave much time for dating. But when Dr. Erin Lancaster becomes the pediatrician for Pittsburgh Penguins Defenseman Brian Dumoulin's baby boy, her association and quick friendship with his wife Kayla turns her crazy but quiet life upside down. 

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: Apparently my brain is just on a Sid kick lately. First a blurb update, now this one. Let me know what you think. 

Warnings: alcohol consumption        Word Count: 2,001

~~~~~

The weeks leading up to the holiday season were usually some of the best as a foster mom. The kids that I called my own, even temporarily, generally didn’t have a great experience with family holidays in the past and it was always exciting to teach them the magic of the season. The joy of watching the Macy’s parade and then football before having a big meal, going looking at Christmas lights, and everything else that filled the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas. 

This year though, this year was tough. A few weeks ago, just days after my trip to the hospital, the seven year old I was fostering was moved to another placement. More biological siblings had popped up in the system and taking them would have placed me over my permitted limit. So instead, the rambunctious boy I was finally starting to make strides with was moved so that he could be with siblings he had never met, all because of the preference of keeping siblings together. A week later, my five year old was transferred back into the care of his mother who had successfully completed a rehabilitation program. I wasn’t sure the woman could be trusted but the court had decided she was fit enough to regain custody and there was nothing I could do about it. 

Finally, yesterday, my newborn had been deemed stable enough to be placed with a paternal grandmother now that he was completely off the drugs. I had done my limited job of making sure that he got elevated care and now he was in the placement I knew he’d end up in all along. 

It was the weekend before Thanksgiving and for the first time in a long time I didn’t have any kids under my roof. Honestly, I couldn’t remember the last time I didn’t have any kids placed with me, it had been that long. Yesterday, it had been easy enough to ignore, I went into the office to catch up on paperwork, I picked up dry cleaning and went grocery shopping before drinking half a bottle of wine and falling into bed exhausted. 

Today though, things were quiet and now that the world had stilled around me, my normally thick exterior cracked and I found myself sobbing steadily. I loved being a foster mom, I really did, but it was heartbreaking to know that these kids would never be mine for one reason or another. That while most days my house was full of laughter and as much love as these kids could manage, days like today would always be waiting at the end of it all. 

While drowning my sorrows with a pint of ice cream I definitely didn’t need to be eating at 11am, my phone buzzed beside me with a message from Kayla Dumoulin. She had texted more than once over the past few weeks with worries such as whether Brayden’s cord was healing normally and whether she could cut his nails because he didn’t like the mittens but she didn’t want him to cut himself. Through our text conversations she had learned of my rapidly emptying house and her message this morning was just to check in and see how I was doing. 

She was such a sweetheart and I replied with a shrug emoji declaring that if sobbing over a pint of ice cream at 11am was normal then I was doing just fine. The phone rang a moment later and I sighed seeing her name pop up because the message wasn’t intended to make her feel guilty or anything, it was just genuine honesty. Still, I answered the phone, setting the pint of ice cream aside for a moment. 

“It sounds like you need some baby cuddles.” Kayla stated, the sound of soft chatter coming through the line. “Why don’t you come over. Brayden wouldn’t mind seeing his favorite doctor.” She suggested. 

“That’s sweet but I’ll be okay.” I assured her. “I don’t want to impose. I’m sure I can find something to do.” 

“You’re not imposing.” Kayla insisted. “Me texting you at 2am with a breastfeeding question was imposing.” Her voice was teasing and I sighed softly remembering being up with my own newborn when she had a question about hers since Brian was on the road. 

“Seriously.” She continued. “Come over, snuggle Brayden, and give my husband a second opinion on this bottle of wine he just got since I can’t drink.” She suggested. Sensing that she truly meant it, I sighed and agreed reluctantly telling her to send me the address. 

____

45 minutes later, I had cleaned myself up so it didn’t look like I had spent the last few hours sobbing. After putting on some light makeup, I had thrown on some black jeans, a striped long sleeve tee, and a tan pullover before deeming myself decent enough to head out. 

Plugging the address in my phone’s gps, I drove over to Kayla and Brian’s neighborhood, parking down on the street in front of their house. It didn’t even register that there were approximately a half dozen cars spread between the driveway and the street already as I made my way up to the front door. 

Kayla greeted me after just a minute and I gently teased that if I didn’t know better I wouldn’t believe she just had a baby as she let me inside. That made her smile, and as she guided me to the kitchen for a glass of wine I realized that there was a significant amount of noise coming from the living room. It wasn’t until she was murmuring for me to make myself comfortable that I realized the living room was occupied by almost a dozen Penguins players, football pregame on tv. 

“Alright Muzz, you can give my baby back now.” Kayla declared half-joking, half-serious. As soon as the goalie handed the baby over, Kayla was crossing the room back to me and handing off the little boy who just snuggled into my chest as soon as he was placed there. “There...baby snuggles.” She murmured. 

“Thanks.” I whispered, resting a hand over the infant’s back before taking a sip of wine feeling slightly uncomfortable as eyes slowly landed on me. 

“Hey doc.” Brian greeted appearing from somewhere else in the house. “Let me know what you think of that wine, not sure if this brand is a keeper or not.” He stated simply portraying the feeling that I wasn’t at all anywhere I didn’t belong and that this was a normal occurrence. Nodding I promised to do so before just focusing back on the baby in my arms. The physician portion of my brain noted that he was doing well and had certainly been growing while the rest of me just found myself relaxing at the feeling of a baby’s steady breaths. 

Most of the guys paid me no mind as the game started. Yet I felt one pair of eyes linger. As I stepped outside after handing Brayden off to feed just before halftime, a four legged companion joined me and I chuckled petting the Dumoulin’s dog Roo while sitting on the steps of their patio nursing my second glass of wine. 

The patio door slid open and then shut before a body slid down next to me on the steps. 

“So where are your foster kids?” A familiar voice asked and glancing over my eyes met those of the Penguins Captain. 

“With another foster family, with their mother, and with their paternal grandmother.” I whispered, quickly taking another sip of the wine to try and push back another round of tears. “The sucky thing about being a foster mom is they always go away in the end.” 

“I...I didn’t know.” Sid mumbled after a moment and I waved him off petting Roo and wiping at my eye with the back of my hand. 

“I didn’t expect you to.” I stated simply. 

“So that’s why…” Sid trailed off, stopping when I nodded. 

“Baby cuddles to try and make everything better.” I shrugged. “To fill the three new cracks in my heart. It’s been a long time since I was childless.” I whispered. “I’ve been trying to recall when it was and I honestly can’t remember. I feel like it had to have happened at least a few times but I really can’t recall not having anyone since I became a foster mom in the first place.” 

“How long is that?” Sid asked, tone softer now than it had been that day at the hospital. 

“Two...almost three years. I applied to become a foster parent toward the end of my residency.” 

“Can I ask how many?” Sid questioned. 

“36.” 

“In three years? That’s...wow.” Glancing over I could see the genuine shock on his face. 

“I don’t know what the turnover rate is generally but I’m fairly certain my rate is higher than average. I get a lot of the drug addicted babies because of my skills and they’re generally only with me 2-3 weeks until it’s safe to move them into a more permanent placement, often with other family members.” 

“How do you handle that?” He murmured, reaching down to pet Roo as well who had rolled over onto her back for belly rubs. 

“Usually I just focus on my patients, on the kids that I do still have with me because they deserve all of my love and attention. This time? Crying over Ben and Jerry’s at 11am until Kayla insisted I come over.” A smile cracked Sid’s face and he apologized quickly declaring that this isn’t something to smile about. 

“No it’s okay. You can find it amusing, I know it wasn’t the most healthy coping method.” 

“Are you going to be okay?” He inquires softly. 

“Yeah. Well, I should probably lay off the wine. Dumo has really good taste.” Sid’s eyes crinkled a little bit and he looked at me like be serious. “I will be. I mean it’s only a matter of time before I get the call that another child needs me.” I assured him. “I just...sometimes...days like this...they make me wonder whether I still want to do this, you know…” 

“Go on…” Sid urged. 

“I just...it’s so hard. Never knowing whether I’m going to wake up and have to say goodbye again. Constantly giving away pieces of my heart that I’ll never get back. Days like today make me just want to be a mom. Not a foster mom but a mom. To have my own kids who won’t be there one day and gone the next.” 

“I get that feeling.” Sid murmured after a moment. “Not the ‘here one day gone the next’ part, but uh, wanting your own kids part, that I get.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke before dropping his hand back down to pet Roo, his fingers brushing against mine. Immediately my mind flashed back to the feeling of his hand wrapped around mine and I quickly pushed that aside. 

“There you are!” Kayla exclaimed, popping her head out the door, her eyes shifting back and forth between you and Sid and noting how close you were sitting. “We just put out some food if you’re hungry and want something other than ice cream.” She grinned, dipping back inside looking like she was about to burst with what she just saw even if it was absolutely nothing. 

When Sid stood he offered a hand out to help you up, murmuring for Roo to come inside and he’d see if he could find her a treat. The bulldog was eager for that and followed after him as you brushed yourself off and picked your wine glass up moving to rejoin the group. 

Ridding of your buzz with some food and water and more baby snuggles you finally headed home with the feeling that there was something more to your conversation with Sid that you hadn’t put your finger on.

Outfit: 

[comfortmarvelimagines]

You are Home, and Home is Safe

heyhey ! deciding to just get it over with and post this tonight (for those of you who don’t know what i’m talking about, a post explaining can be found here. side note, please be nice in my inbox, its been rough getting some of those comments). i am, however, going to continue to tag autistic!reader fics with #whenyoucantfindthequiet and #wycftq, so they’re easier to find. hope it’s what you’re after, nonnie, and i’m so so sorry it took so long !!

features : autistic!reader x mama!nat, lowkey asshole Tony Stark (it’s okay i didn’t make him really mean, just kinda well-meaning but misplaced/ mistimed) 

warnings : uhhh i guess meltdowns, some self-injurious behaviour

Words are hard. Always have been, always will be. 

You haven't always had a family. For years you were passed from foster home to foster home, with a consistent message: you were too much. Your needs were too high, your behaviour too confusing, your struggles too much to deal with. It got to a point where you began to question yourself, your diagnoses and trauma, wondering if it was all in your head or for attention like you were told over and over. 

That changed when you met Nat. 

It wasn’t immediate of course. There was the initial period of complete and total distrust, of another stranger whose life you were thrust into the middle of, floundering and drowning with no support. There was shutdown after shutdown. The trauma of being ignored and punished for meltdowns meant that you’d learned to internalise. You barely ate, and didn’t speak. But Nat met you where you were, unwaveringly. Was always calm, composed, voice level. Kept food out on the kitchen bench at all times, figuring out your safe foods and keeping them stocked. Realised you liked small enclosed spaces and stocked your bedroom with beanbags, pillows, stuffies and blankets, a permanent blanket fort taking up residence in the living space. Perhaps the most wonderful was her commitment to listening to you, with or without words. The superspy was quick to recognise your shutdown states from body language alone and responded quickly, with two option questions and the request to tap the hand of the answer you wanted. 

You almost wanted to feel embarrassed, humiliated, of the accommodations she made so immediately. But she always spoke to you conversationally and never in an infantilizing tone, like so many before her, and the trust you held for her grew. It didn’t always grow in a way that you felt was positive, though. As weeks passed you felt your shutdowns turn into meltdowns and silence into frustrated screams. You didn’t want to hurt her. You didn’t want to feel ungrateful or angry or like any of this was on purpose but somehow she knew. As she held you close after each one she reminded you that your body was unlearning trauma, that you were safe, that you were loved so fully and unconditionally and nothing, including meltdowns, would change that. The way she held you felt like home. 

But no one else was like Nat. Social workers were condescending, school was overwhelming, nowhere was safe. So you stuck to Nat. It wasn’t long after you were placed with her that she pulled you out of school, realising that they were doing more harm than good, and she was always there for homeschool. Not looking over your shoulder, but present. You could hear her humming through the walls, or swearing as she dropped a spoon into a pot of soup on the stove again, and it was comforting. It wasn’t the apartment that was home, per say, but having a parent made it feel like one. If she went to the grocery store or a walk in the park you came with, ear defenders on, clinging to her sleeve for safety. She told you that she loved you a million times a day, until one day you said it back. 

Words came easier after that. Simple things, like asking what’s for breakfast, became routine. It wasn’t just Nat softly illuminating the cramped space with hummed melodies and occasionally vulgar language but you as well, asking for help with homework or explaining a meme. It felt normal, comfortable, okay. The outside world was too much, but inside your home, the anxiety all but melted from your throat. 

You never wanted to leave safety. You wanted to feel it all the time. It was warm and sweet and heavy but in a calm way, like a weighted blanket sinking into your joints. It started as a one-time-thing, after a particularly rough meltdown, but you started sleeping in Nat’s bed. It just felt… right. The panic that set in when Nat left the room and you didn’t know where she was going or what she was doing or if she was ever going to come back was so all-consuming and nauseating that going to sleep alone, in another room, unable to hear her was torturous. What if she abandoned you, gone in the night, social worker beckoning you on to the next uncaring couple, crowded foster family or group home? This way, when you woke at 2am from a nightmare, the first thing you heard was her even breathing. Home. Safe. 

***

Tony Stark was something else. Nat eventually started to transition back to work, and, as being homeschooled permitted, brought you with her. Even in classified meetings where you weren’t allowed in you sat in corridors and made sure you could see her red braid through the frosted glass, glancing up from your laptop every few seconds to make sure she didn’t disappear while you wrote your English critique. The rest of Nat’s colleagues (it felt too weird to just casually refer to them as the Avengers and co) didn’t mention your presence, at least in front of you; it was as if they didn’t know what to say or how to say it. Not that you’d say anything back. Outside of the safety of home it was like the anxiety disconnected your brain from your throat, anything you wanted to say cut off before it reached your tongue. It was frustrating. The first few days ended in meltdowns when you reached the apartment and it felt weird and strange and almost like you were two different people but an all-round embarrassment of a child. It was weeks before things settled into a routine and a pattern of acknowledged non-acknowledgement. A pattern Stark ignored. 

You were sitting at the island bench in the communal kitchen, drinking chocolate milk and typing out an assignment, when you heard both Nat and Tony heading down the hall towards you. They’d just come out of a meeting, you sitting watch outside the whole time, and Nat had sent you to the kitchen to wait for her while she headed upstairs with Tony to drop off some paperwork to an intern. You hadn’t thought much of it. Sure, you didn’t like being away from Nat at all, but if she was clear in where she was going and how long she was going for (provided it was only a short period), you did okay. It was okay, until you heard the discussion from down the hall. 

“Damn, Nat, is that the longest you’ve been away from the kid?” 

“No.” 

“C’mon, Nat. I know the kid’s been through some shit, but this isn’t healthy. For either of you. What happens if you can’t get out of the mission next time? They’re gonna have to be away from you at some point. You can’t be in this line of work with a barnacle of a kid.” 

You’d heard enough. As the topic changed and they entered the kitchen, you didn’t look up from your laptop in greeting.  

*** 

Too much. Too clingy. Too anxious, too needy, too autistic, too much. You needed separation. Give Nat space. Of course she needed to work. The world needed her, and they didn’t need you tagging along. When you got home that night, you headed straight to your room. Buried yourself in the mountain of blankets and stuffies and waited until Nat came to check on you, facing the wall, feigning sleep. You doubt you fooled the former spy but nonetheless, she left you be, a whispered “I love you” hanging in the air as she creaked the door close behind her. 

It was seconds before you broke. It felt like choking. All of the fear that was slowly reduced to an ebbing tide through months of living in a caring environment crashed on you like the mother of all tsunamis, saltwater running down your cheeks and into your mouth as if smothering all the words you wished you could scream. It lasted for hours and hours and it was relentless, painful, as if your heart was being ripped out and an empty throbbing numbness was expanding in its place. You were too much. Too much. Too much. 

Nat stood outside your door at the time when she’d usually be gently waking you up, watching you unfurl and stretch yourself out of the cocoon of blankets you slept in every night. She knew something was wrong from lunch yesterday, and your isolation from her was concerning. She figured you needed space, but the sleep she knew was an act sat at the back of her mind and bugged her all night long. Even with that nagging suspicion that something was up, nothing prepared her for the way her heart sank when she came in and saw your body curled up, eyes red and barely open from exhaustion, pillow and face damp from tears. 

She was at your side in seconds. Your resolve to cut yourself off melted at the sight of her open arms, safe, warm, home. And immediately your body melted. Hands running through your hair, the promise that you were safe, loved, worthy of support, the request to “tell me next time, please, you don’t need to deal with this on your own.” 

For some reason, those were the words that broke out the first sounding sob in the 12 hours of silent crying. It was so loud and gut-wrenching and it almost didn’t feel like it came from you at all and it was such a weird feeling, and all of a sudden you were scratching at your arms to try and re-embody yourself and Nat was breathing calmly and deeply and gently rubbing your shoulders until you found yourself easing back into your physicality.  

“Did you hear what Stark said yesterday?” 

And just like that she figured it out, of course she did, because she’s a trained spy and that’s her job, to put the pieces together and slot the narrative into place. And god, were you grateful, because you couldn’t see yourself stringing sentences together to accuse none other than Iron Man himself of triggering waves of hurt just by stating what you’d convinced yourself was the truth. She was quick to reassure. You are loved, you are wanted, you are always welcome and will always be her child and what you need will always come first. The warm safety settled itself in your belly and you let the tiredness wash over you, drifting on a life raft of whispered Russian lullabies and Nat’s hand rubbing circles on your back. At peace.

Of course, you’d never tell Nat, but hearing her whisper-yell at Tony over the phone for being an insensitive dick was possibly one of the best moments of your life.

[sittin-on-the-rooftop]

Would ya look at that! Iss a captain x reader fanfic!

Pairing: Captain X Reader

Genre: Angsty Fluff (Prepare to cry in a good way)

Fandom: Tankmen AN: ignore the misspells its 2am

TW: A lot of swearing. Yea.

Why tf am I doing this

Anyway just stargazing fluff w captain. I fucking hate my life. I didn’t wanna finish the end lol so suck my cliffhanger dick.

You always had a hard time sleeping since you joined the army. You always had so much to think about. Recent encounters with the enemy, philosophical paradoxes, and… the douche that was captain. You’d go to the gym to exercise your thoughts away, but you decided, fuck it. You went up to the roof of the building, gazing up at the sky. One of the only things that stayed the same throughout the chaos that is war. A clear night sky was quite rare! You looked up at the stars, trying to distract yourself. From everything. The pain of war, the meaning of life, and your past struggles with love. You had quite a few encounters with the latter emotion, and none served you well. But here you were again. You were just another run of the mill soldier. How could you even have a chance with goddamn CAPTAIN of all people. All the thoughts were just too much. So much shit was flooding your head at once, because all the thoughts you suppressed just came flooding back to you all at once. So like any normal person, you went as far away from the dorms as possible, and started fucking screaming. About everything. Venting to whatever god was up there, begging it to have mercy. As you took another little break to sob, you heard heavy footsteps up the metal stairs. Fuck. Who’d you piss off this time? You hid behind a duct opening and prayed to Christ that it was Steve. All the other soldiers would fuckin kill your ass, so would Ted, and well, the worst case scenario- you couldn’t even complete the thought as the aforementioned worst case scenario started talking. Whelp, I guess the duct wasn’t the best place to hide. There you were curled up in a ball, ready to get a right scolding for waking up captain himself. But what he said next was enough to reinduce the sorry state you were in before having to hide with bated breath. “Are you ok, kiddo?” Two years ago. The last time you were asked that question, just before you joined this fucking shithole of an army. And here you were. Crying like a baby, as captain tried desperately to check you for injuries. “I heard you screaming like a fucking sissy, you good man?” In a desperate attempt to get you to cheer up, he was just throwing insults in a panic. Steve once told him that ya probably shouldn’t insult an injured person, and told him to first ask this, if there was any distress. “Mental, or physical pain? Do I need to take you to the infirmary? Should I carry you?” Panic is an understatement. You were ofc having a mental breakdown on the floor screaming “I DONT EVEN KNOW ANYMORE!” He didn’t know what to do, so, he asked a simple question. One his mom asked him whenever he cried. “Do you want a hug?” As those words came out of his mouth, you tackled him in a hug, pushing both of you onto the ground. Still trying his best not to upset you more, he started to pat you on the head, trying to calm you down. Feeling completely and utterly useless and weak. Infront of your crush? What luck. You felt utter despair. He’d never like you in this state. At that moment you realized just how sus this was. Yikes. You. Were. Cuddling. With. CAPTAIN! As you continued to drift into despair, Captain, in the most awkward tone you have ever heard, said “uhhhh, y-ya like stargazin?” “Kinda, yea…” You try to look up at the stars, trying to gain control over all your thoughts. The moon. The stars. The Big Dipper. Orion’s Belt. Andromeda. You felt an invisible weight on your back lift gradually, as you mumble out a tired “Thank you so much, sir. For calming my stupid ass down.”

“Well, ya damn near woke everyone up so it was probably best that I calm you down.” “Yea. Sorry for the trouble sir.”

“Wanna talk about it? Or would you like to simply sit in silence.” He took your silence as an affirmation for the latter. Minutes later, you asked John, “how about you, ya like stargazing?-Ah shit crap sorry, shouldn’t be that informal, sir“ “You using me as a pillow is informal enough, but I guess I’ll let it slide since you literally just had a mental breakdown right infront of me. … about stargazing, I never really had time for it. Ya know, army business.” “Want me to show you some constellations?” As you pointed out the stars, all your worries melted away. Having laughs about the constellations he guessed wrong. Time passes fast when you have fun. You checked your watch. 3am. As you laid on his chest, you started feeling quite sleepy. As you fell asleep, you mumbled a near inaudible “I kinda… like you…” Little did you know, Captain was wide awake.

———————————————————

You woke up to someone shaking you violently. Gunshots can be heard in the distance. “HEY MAN, WAKE UP, WE’RE AT FUCKING WAR. FUCKING SURPRISE ATTACKS! THEY'VE SEIGED THE BASE, SOME GOT IN. HEY YOU WITH ME, KIDDO?” You vision starts blurring. You can feel Captain hoist you up onto his shoulder.

“INCASE I DIE, JUST KNOW THAT I FEEL THE SAME WAY. YOUR COURAGE AS A SOLDIER IS NEAR THE SAME SIZE AS MY MAGNUM DONG. IVE SEEN YOU OUT THERE, YA FEARLESS FUCKO! RUN OF THE MILL SOLDIER MY ASS. NOW LETS GO BEFORE WE GET FUCKING BLASTED!”

With each step he took the black spots in your vision spread, until…

[saturnsstufff]

Awsamdude- Loneliness

Warnings: None that i can think of?

   You didn't know why you were crying. It just seemed that the tears wouldn't stop. No matter how tightly you gripped to that pillow, how tight you held it to you, the comfort just never came to surface.

   It wasn't a scene from a movie. the perfect story of two lovers meeting and embracing each other into their arms, before long even marrying. No rather instead it was you gripping to your pillow and silently sobbing at the empty feeling in your heart.

   Because the truth was, you were lonely.

   It’s hard to walk around and see everyone with someone. Karl with Sapnap, and Quackity, Wilbur having had a son with a Mystical woman, and even Phil loving Death herself. It would get even harder when they would come to you with questions and a need for advice.

   "I just don't know what to do, I want to confront him about it softly and not hurt him you know?"

   "I don't, but maybe..."

   "Sally and I want to see each other again, but I'm not sure how to bring her out of the water you. I just miss her so much, you know?"

   "I don't... but we'll find a way"

"You know I do miss her sometimes. She had such gentle hands, I’d give everything up to just hold them again"

   ". . ."

   All you could do was bury your head into the pillow within your arms and sob. Sob because you know, deep down, that as much as you want to shout it all out. Scream until your throat is raw, your eyes too watery to even make anything remotely out, and grip to your sides until your bruised... you wouldn't. You would sit and sob. Sob in silence, you being your only company, the only one to hear the lonely howls you dare let escape. Then, as always by morning be ok enough to wonder through the day. Smile warmly and greet others with love. Find those you held close, those dear friends of yours. Joyfully tell them how much you adore and love them. Because deep down, you never wanted them to feel that lonely. You wanted to guarantee that they would always feel loved. It may be platonic, but at least it was enough fuel to get through the heavy blizzard. As long as they didn't have to feel completely alone.

   Its narcissistic to only think of yourself, but sometimes you cant help but crave it. Crave to have the spotlight on you, but then something draws you back. Whether it be thoughts of others having it worse, the idea that it will get better, or even that others wouldn't care about your situation enough to even hear your first sentence. Whatever drew you back from uttering words. It held you there, it held tight with a grip much stronger than bare Iron.

   Of course that feeling of loneliness wouldn't come every night, there are nights where the emptiness was that of nothing. Just a simple scratch on a world of glass, but sometimes that scratch would just hit that one spot, and the whole world suddenly cracked and shattered.

   Like tonight.

   With tight arms around the pillow, you just laid your head. You let the tears flow wherever they pleased. Down your red cheeks, your neck, onto your soft pillow. Wherever they landed it didn't matter. They would just go where they pleased anyway, no sense in stopping them. It was fair to say no one truly cried prettily, if they said they did, they were lying. Puffy red eyes that looked like pure glass for how glazed over they were, stuffy noses that sniffled softly, wet faces from where the tears ran down... That's how you looked now.

   That's how you planned to stay if someone hadn't knocked on the door. At first you didn't believe the knock even, it was late, much later than someone should have been up. But by the second knock you were convinced it was real, so with soft hands you pushed yourself up from the mattress.

   Slowly trudging to the front of your house with a blanket tightly wrapped around your body. Without a second thought you opened the door, Sam standing in front of it still in his warden attire.

   "Sam? What are you doing? Its almost 2am..." your voice was soft and laced with more concern than he truly expected.

   "I uhm... I worked late at the Prison tonight... I was going to head home... But I'm so tired... I know a while ago you offered your house to me to stay in if I needed... I didn't need it then... but if I could trouble you tonight..." his voice sounded shameful, like you should be scolding him for waking you up. Only if he knew he didn't wake you.

   "Of course Sam... Please your more than welcome inside..." you stepped aside to let the towering hybrid in. Well he ducked his head to avoid the door frame, his heavy boots thudded as he walked. Partially showing off how drained he was. "I can get the guest room set up in one moment-" you started well closing the door for the night.

   "Please... Don't bother... I'll be ok with the couch..." He trailed off as the lights hit your face, showing every silent sob you had within the past hour.

   "(Y/n)... Have you been... Crying?" He asked softly. As tired as he was, he was now much more concerned with whether or not you were ok.

   Lying to him would be about useless, he was practically trained with how to deal with liars, manipulators and so on. So you just came clean... I mean it wasn't going to hurt anything anyway. Just maybe your pride a bit.

   "A bit... Hard night you know?" You casually said, sitting on the plush couch.

   "I do know... Did... Did you maybe want to talk about it?..." he asked, only he truly sounded genuine. His worry shown across his face, his normal beautiful eyes now casted with sadness and worry.

   "We don't have to Sam- It's late and your tired you should just rest. Don't worry yourself over me-" you started before he easily cut you off.

   "(Y/n)... You're more important than sleep right now... what's wrong?" He said softly.

   The glass world within you shattered at the scratch of his kindness.

   Though the long night, the much longer night then you had planned, you carefully explained to Sam the withering feeling of loneliness you faced at night. The feeling you were too familiar of facing alone. Instead of loosing interest, he just sat in silence, his eyes glued to you as you explained how you truly felt.

   At some point you let him shed off his armor. Him taking a much more comfortable spot on your couch by you. But even that didn't last. With the explanation of your feelings, you couldn't help bit sob more due to how genuinely deep the pain ran. But without the blink of a eye, Sam had pulled you into his arms. His head softly resting on top of yours well his arms firmly, and protectively wrapped around you. Giving into the moment you completely melted into the long wished for embrace. The sob that left your throat hurt him more than he cared to admit. Truth be told he would do anything to keep you from sobbing like that again, even if it meant holding you like this for the end of time.

   Sitting up didn't last long, seeing as Sam had laid down and pulled you onto him. Letting your sobs die into soft shallow sniffs. Your head without much of a thought, easily found comfort with laying itself on his chest. The soft rhythm of his heart slowly calming your rather haywire nerves. His arm firmly kept around you, wanting you to feel like he wasn't going to leave you at the drop of a hat.

   When your breathing evened out again, he gently adjusted the blanket that you held tightly. Moving it so it freely covered you both, opening your arms to grasp or hug onto something else. Which in the end. You just hugged onto him, soaking in the long wanted tender touch.

   "Please don't ever hold that much in again..." Sam said softly. His hand rubbing gentle circles into your back, with the soft movements you were honestly almost asleep. No longer plagued by the thoughts of loneliness. Truthfully, you were happy you told him. Happy you didn't have to carry the baggage around anymore.

   "I wont... Thank you Sam..." you said softly, sleep threating your tone much more now.

   "Of course... anything for you (y/n)..."