#if my therapist is unavailable I’m fucked

[pleasant-tomorrow]

I wish that I had one of those friends who I could call or text whenever I’m having an emotional meltdown but I do not and that’s extremely hard.

[almostempty]

he knows (lucien x f!reader)

(lucien x f!reader) | wc: 3.2k | other fics | pic from here

UH HEY! I’m just gonna drop this here and scurry away to finish the other lucien one shot that i also started today, ….and then i’ll return to finishing divorced dad rock joel, and responding to all of the lovely people on here–but, like, i really just need this guy in the most emotionally unavailable and fuckable way, i hope one of y'all gets me

tags/warnings/thots: 18+/explicit, smut, toxic ex/fuckboy lucien, sex instead of communicating or processing emotions, angst but we fuckin’ and that’s the whole plot, we hit raw in my fics bc of my imaginary latex aversion or something, crying, biting, dom lucien vibes (? i never know when that’s the right tag), big dash of pls sexy man fuck the feelings away, tell me if there’s something i should add  

– no editing, no thinking, wrote this in a fever dream while staring at one of the new gifs all afternoon, idk his character! I haven’t watched anything! i just saw the chains and the face and let the horny devil in charge of my sole brain cell take the lead, aka he's my barbie, i was trying to challenge myself to just do something short like 1k- but, uhhhh it’s only 3! 

seeking feedback though (as always) so i can improve!! tell me all ur thots pls! 

“I know,” Lucien argues, “but I never meant to hurt you.” 

“I don’t care anymore.” You speak plainly. Small and quiet. Without conviction. Apathetic. Honest. 

“Anymore?” 

“Baby, please.” He looks at you with those stupid round eyes. He’s effortlessly put together like the wrinkles in his silk shirt were approved by a team of stylists to give him a hint of carelessness. Your incessant attraction to an emotionally unavailable man, it pulls you toward him like a bitter fate. Your therapist, Angie, says you need to learn how to find healthy attachment attractive, but if you shudder with disgust at the thought then what’s the point? 

“Just listen to me,” he continues, talking in circles. Apologizing without taking accountability. Explaining away everything. His behaviors, words, decisions. Apparently, he floats through life at the whim of others. Like one of those ugly deep sea creatures, he tempts you like a glowing lure in the dark. Your eyes glaze over, everything shifting out of focus as you dissociate in your living room. No matter how numb you are, he calls to you. 

You aren’t listening to the words. They don’t matter. It doesn’t matter if his tone is sincere or if it’s thick with flattery and empty promises. It’s more basic than that. Simple. The timbre of his voice. Unique to him. Imprinted in the chambers of your heart. A sharp ache spears through you, and something cracks. A fat, hot, tear escapes. With your shoulders drooping, staring at the ground, the tear falls, splashing on the floor. 

When you look up, meeting his eyes, it’s over. Lucien pulls you close, wrapping his heavy arms around your frame, bracing for the crescendo, keeping you steady. Tears stream endlessly, flooding down your cheeks, sticking to your face and his neck as you bury your face into his warm skin. He’s still trying to placate you, speaking nonsense, thinking he can comfort you. Thinking he knows why you’re upset. Thinking he understands you. 

When your therapist asked you to define love you had described it as being understood. Being seen. Being known. Being considered and prioritized. 

Lucien thinks he knows you. Thinks he understands you. Does he think he loves you? 

Following this line of thought hurts. Splitting you open, a raw beating heart, glistening, thumping, full of life, or a meal fresh and hot for a carnivore to tear into with its sharp fangs. Plump muscle, rich and dark, bleeding out, helpless. Snapping back into reality you shake, a violent sob racking your diaphragm as the pads of his fingers massage the back of your neck. Soothing. Coaxing. 

You want it sharper. Rough. Violent. Distracting. Painful. Anything. With wet lashes, swollen eyes, and ragged breath you become fixated. Licking the salty tears from the dip where his neck meets his shoulder, you can feel his muscles and tendons beneath the flesh. So human and alive. He strokes his hand down your spine, attempting to pacify you, but it sparks something lurid and ravenous, instead. 

You graze your teeth along his neck. “What are you doing?” he mutters the question over the top of your head. Maybe he does know you. “What do you need?” He growls, lowly, the hand he traces your spine with trails lower this time. He’s gluttonous and torrid. A hair-trigger to shift from his concern for your pain and the hole in your heart to a sordid desire to mollify you with his fingers and his cock. 

Maybe it’s a perversion, the tangled experience of despair and desire, the duet of anger and arousal, the sick escape using sex to skip over the emotional suffering. But it’s exactly what you want. It’s the root of the fucked up toxicity. Of everything wrong between you. He does know. He does understand. The same heat that flickers in your core sparks in his. 

Voracious and brash. You bite down, sinking your teeth into his neck, igniting a wildfire. An untamable beast. Again and again and again. Biting, sucking, kissing. His skin tender and raw, your lips wet and swollen. You run a hand along the back of his neck, tugging into his hair, anchoring your grip, and pulling a husky groan from his throat. 

“What do you need?” Lucien repeats, this time with a sharper edge. He detaches you from the safety of the crook of his neck. His two hands. Unnecessarily large, warm, and steady brace either side of your jaw, his fingers wrapping behind your neck. He holds you in front of his face. Vulnerable. Messy. Heat radiates from your cheeks. You release a shaky breath. 

“Don’t make me say it.” It’s a whisper. Pleading and demanding at the same time. 

The cocky smirk that spreads on his face is sickening. It makes you want to slap him, to hear the crack of your palm against his cheek. It makes you want to surrender. Soft and pliable, ready to please and earn praise. It makes you want to scream. To bite him so hard you draw blood. To fuck him until he can’t talk. 

You tell him all of it. Exactly what you need, what you want, what you refuse to say. You tell him all through your kiss. The hunger in your lips as you press them to his, the violence on your tongue, the desperate and vulnerable need to be cared for in the soft moans that rise from your chest, from your heart, from the blood in your veins. He chases all of it. The punishment and pleasure. 

He backs you into the kitchen, caging you against the counter like a scene from a movie. Impervious to whatever protest you make as he clears space, blindly sweeping his arm over the counter before lifting you onto it. The edge of the counter digs into your soft thighs, but it doesn’t matter. You’re ready to drown in the vanilla musk and bourbon-spiced scent of him. The bass in his voice that makes your eyes fall shut and your head tip back against the cupboard behind you. The bruising pressure of his grip that he knows you crave. 

“Baby,” he croons. His words are soft and gentle. As if he propped you on the counter to tend to your wounds. But his hands show no mercy. Roughly ridding you of your clothes. Dropping them into a pile on the floor. He’s ruthless with you. In ways you can’t be with yourself. In ways other lovers could never master. Harsh without being cruel. Deliberate without a plan. 

He lets you tug his shirt over his head. Skin to skin the intensity is primal. “Fuck,” is all you can manage to say. The heat is overwhelming, prickling your nerves and sharpening every sensation. Lucien toys with you like it’s his favorite game. Alternating. 

First, palming reverently at the flesh, sweeping his tongue over your hard nipples, and teasing the wet skin with his hot breath. 

You let him make the decisions. Take the lead. You’re done arguing, done thinking, done with the guilt of letting him in the door, done with acting like you’re any better than him. You brace yourself, one palm flat on the counter, the other resting on his shoulder. Taking whatever he gives. 

He switches up. Everything becomes pointed and precise. He sucks marks into your skin on the underside of your breasts. He pinches and flicks the pert bud of your straining nipples. The contact of his fingers, tongue, and teeth sends white-hot jolts of electricity straight to your cunt. He bites down hard enough to make you choke on a moan. Your whine fills the room, twisted with pain and pleasure. 

“You poor thing,” he purrs. Your face is still wet from your tears. But now they’re tears of frustration. “Just a mess.” You reach for his belt, impatient, but he stops you. He’s not done looking. He lifts one of your legs, propping your foot onto the counter and posing you obscenely in front of him. His gaze makes your pussy throb.

He’s torn. 

Studying your face. Everything unsaid in your eyes. The anguish and rage. The acerbic disdain. The nearly imperceptible longing. 

Admiring your sex, spread open for him. Shining with your arousal. Swollen, slick lips so sensitive for him. Your core, fluttering with anticipation, achingly empty without him. 

He holds your chin between his thumb and curled forefinger. His eyes swirl with lust and something you can’t quite place. “You have no idea,” he rasps. “No idea how much it fucking kills me to see you like this. And knowing I’m the reason why.” 

You don’t know if he means it breaks his heart to see the way you suffer or if he means the sight of you dripping on the counter has him so hard it hurts. You don’t know which you’d believe anyway. He’s not hard up to find someone else to torment or to fuck. That thought makes your throat dry. 

“I can’t stay away from you,” he traces his fingers down your soft inner thigh, closer and closer to where you need him. “How could I?” You tip your head to the side, your limbs and head feel heavy, drunk on a cocktail of everything you love and hate about him all at once. 

“Then don’t.” 

Your reply makes him smile again. He’s so handsome when he smiles it’s infuriating. “You could scream at me, kick me out, hate me–but you still let me touch you, you need me to touch you. Why do I love that so much?” 

“You like feeling important.” You let your snarky comment out without thinking. His question was definitely rhetorical. A few emotions flicker across his face before, a dark little smirk curls the corner of his mouth. 

He feeds off of your challenge. “There she is.” 

“I never left,” you snap, frustration spilling over. He laughs, loose and easy. 

“Listen to me,” Lucien says, low and velvety. Subduing you with the tension and proximity. “I know. You want me to use you. Like you’re my toy. Until you can’t keep those beautiful eyes open.”

“Yes.” 

“I know.” He echoes. Then he closes the gap, kissing you with affection. Holding himself back, but you aren’t reserved. You’re greedy; you want it harder. He just said he’d ruin you, why is he being so gentle? He pulls back with something sincere in his eyes. A whimper falls from your lips, pouty and baffled. 

“Gonna fuck you like I’m trying to ruin you, baby.” 

You narrow your eyes at him. Sometime soon, hopefully? You don’t snap again, answering with another yes. 

He leans in, breath fanning hot over your ear. “But, we both know that tonight you’re the one using me. Ruining me. I’m your toy.” 

Your breath hitches at that. You mouth I know in response, not even able to whisper it. He doesn’t need to hear you say it. He nips your ear lobe and you loose a surprised cry before gasping out his name. 

He’s swift now. Purposeful. Undoing his belt, shoving his pants down and revealing his cock. Reflexively your hips tense and shift. Just looking makes you salivate. He runs his thumb over the bead of precome, drawing it along his length. 

He knows how you want it. His fingers can coax you to an orgasm in no time, but you don’t want that. You want the resistance, the stretch, the dull ache, and intensity as your muscles work to let him in deeper. Nobody makes you feel the way he does. Full. Complete. Mindless. 

It could be pornographic, vulgar, raunchy. The way he pushes your inner thigh further open with one hand while he uses the other to languidly stroke himself. The way he grips himself so tightly like he’s punishing himself. The way his jaw hangs slack and he mutters under his breath about how badly you need him. 

To you, however, it’s a profound admission. A candid confession. The more he goads you the more it solidifies that he’s the one that needs you. That it flows so easily from him because he’s really talking about himself. 

“You say you don’t care anymore, but look at you now, baby.” He shifts closer, at counter height you’re aligned perfectly. He glides the head of his cock up and down the folds of your soaked cunt. You shudder and moan, mesmerized by the sight. 

“It’s almost sad how much you need me, like you can’t breathe without this,” he keeps talking. 

He demands that you watch, as if there was a chance you could stop, as he lines up and sinks into you. You groan in unison. You’re so tight, he draws back out. Repeating the same motion, feeding his cock into you deeper and deeper each time. Your hot, plush walls pulse around him, adjusting. When he finally meets the end of you, he hums, pleased. “You feel that?” 

You bob your head, nodding, agreeing. “Yes.” Your voice is breathy. “Perfect.” You grind against him as if you could take him any deeper, begging him to move with your needy display. It’s wholly overwhelming as is, every nerve within you alight as his cock kicks within you, tensing with the same craving to move. 

He takes your hand in his, nestling your fingers around him. Somehow he feels even larger than he looks, like he shouldn’t be able to fit inside of you, but here you are feeling it and seeing it for yourself. Slowly, Lucien tilts his hips, almost pulling out of you completely before plunging in with force. He keeps up the tantalizing pace, guiding you to touch yourself. He watches your fingers with rapt attention, bracing a hand on your hip to keep you in place as he drives into you with another snap of his hips that edges you closer. 

He gradually speeds up, a master at tempering his desire. Your hip flexor aches as you hold yourself in place but it doesn’t matter. You find your rhythm as he holds steady at a pace that has him landing brutal thrusts that force the words out of your lungs. Soft oh’s and fuck’s pour out of you, under your breath, adding fuel to the fire blazing between you. 

Lucien savors your chanting and the image of you fixed in place, taking him eagerly. Your fingers move with urgency, chasing the release that looms closer and closer. Your mind is blissfully blank, reduced to something animalistic, removed from the burden of your history. “Don’t stop,” you plead, “I’m so close.” 

He doesn’t stop. He fucks you at the same pace, all the way through it. As you contract around him, when everything pulls taut and snaps within you, crying out his name, when it’s too sensitive and you whip your hand away, and as you shudder and breathe deeper and deeper. As the ache in your legs from being spread wide open returns and your ass feels numb where the edge of the counter digs into your flesh. Another tear spills from the corner of your eye, but you can’t say what it’s from anymore. 

When you fidget, he stops moving, letting you readjust. A sheen of sweat glistens all over your chest and you’re suddenly acutely aware of how loud the slick noises between you are. How easy it is to get lost in Lucien's hot and heavy magnetism. You know you were falling apart before he propped you up on the counter, but you’re sure you’re a complete wreck now. 

Lucien pulls out but then leans against you, pinning the length of his cock between you, hot, slick, and messy against your sweat-damp skin. He floods your senses, all you can see, hear, and smell. Caging you in his hand find a possessive hold on you, one wrapped around the back of your neck, one wrapped tight around your thigh as you hitch it around his hip. 

“You feel good?” he asks. You hum in agreement. You do feel good. You know he’s not done yet, and smile wide, still hungry for more. “How good?” he asks and you know there’s something coming next. 

“So good.” You trail a hand between you, drawing a line down his chest and back up to cradle his cheek in your palm. Something about the prickle of his facial hair along your palm feels so natural, domestic, and sweet. You’re tempted to kiss his cheek, nuzzle against his ear, and ask him to take you to bed. But you can’t. You’ll never have that. Instead, you bait him. “I think you’re holding back though, I know you can fuck me harder than that.” 

He scoffs, unamused, blowing a hot puff of air between you. His fingers dig deeper into your thigh, applying the kind of pressure that stirs arousal low in your belly. 

The dark glint in his eye gives you butterflies. “I will, Baby,” his rumbling voice is innately sensual, but the condescension in his tone makes you tingly. You’re so close to him that you can feel his heart beating in his chest, you can feel the same pulse thrumming in his cock, still flush against you as he slants his lower half along yours. He’s all things heavy and firm, strong and sculpted, yet fitting so naturally against you. You need more, wriggling and squirming against him, you can’t contain the restlessness. 

“You know,” he says slowly, drawing your eyes back to his. “You can keep trying to move on, but no one else will ever know you like this. No one else will ever ruin you the way I do. You can tell me you don’t care anymore, but you’ll never let anyone else in the way you let me. They won’t touch that part of you, the one that’s mine—because it’ll always be mine.” 

It trickles through you slowly until your blood feels like it’s boiling. They’re tears of anger now. It’s like a sick double entendre. 

“I know,” your words are steeped in every emotion cascading through you. 

You don’t know if it’s worse that he’s right. That there’s a Lucien-shaped mark imprinted on your heart that will never fade. Or if it’s worse that he doesn’t even know it applies to him just the same. That he always comes back because he’s trying to fill the same void. 

Maybe he does know. Maybe he does know and this is all he can do to make it up to you. 

Maybe that’s why he leads you to your bedroom and lives up to his word. 

Why he fucks you so hard you see stars. Why he doesn’t stop even after he comes deep inside of you with a possessive always gonna be mine. Why he litters your skin with more false promises and confessions. Why he gives you so many orgasms you lose track. 

Maybe that’s why he’s still there when the sun starts to peek through your window. Why he fucks you slowly when you’re too tender and exhausted to take him any harder until you’re floating in limbo between a dream and reality. Why he stays there, just cradling your back into his chest and listening to the rhythm of your breath. 

Maybe he does know. 

PLEASE COME YELL WITH ME ABOUT THIS FICTIONAL GUY BC I NEED HIM IN A SUPER NORMAL WAY or tell me if my writing was incoherent or if you can't relate to the toxic ex that is still the best fuck of your life (cruel and twisted fr)

dividers by @/cyberangel-graphics

tags for the babes that let me annoy them with my thots <3

@lovely-vamp-princess @gothcsz @auteurdelabre @adoreyouusugar @swankyorange @itwasntimethatdidit40 @ivoryandflame

@magneticecstasy @indiegirlunited @syd-djarin

[thevillainswhore]

Tension

Pairing: Massage Therapist!Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Word Count: 4.2k

Summary: You’re devastated when your usual massage therapist becomes unavailable at the last minute, but an unexpected trainee is more than happy to handle you.

Warnings: Smut (fing-ering fem receiving, mentions of a-nal play, m-asturbation male receiving)

A/N: Unbeta’d, dividers by saradika and firefly-graphics - also a massive thank you to my babe @rookthorne for helping me edit my header, loves you bitch 💗

Listen, just please use your imaginations with the oil, let’s pretend it’s safe and can be used for… things 👀 okay thank you, enjoy x

Resting your head against the back of the waiting room leather chair, you await your appointment at your regular spa. Headache already starting to disappear from the eucalyptus aroma of incense seaping into your skin.

You needed this. The long work week draining you of all common sense to not hit your coworkers over their heads every two seconds, due to their incompetence. Now, it has finally come to a close, and you could take the opportunity to indulge in your guilty pleasure.

This was the only way you could continue to keep your head above water. A monthly treat to yourself of a two hour long full body massage - undisturbed peace and soft hands kneading the stress out of your body until it felt like you were floating.

And it was literally heaven on earth to let go of the strong willed nature that came with your work, placing your care into the hands of someone else. Giving up your responsibilities of taking charge and allowing another to take care of you for a little while.

It felt so good to let go. Forgetting all of your worries that seemed silly in the midst of the background waterfall noises that lulled you into calmness.

Jesus, you weren’t even on the massage table yet and you already felt so much lighter.

With that thought, the lovely receptionist, you’ve become familiar with from your numerous visits, walks out from the back room and addresses you with an apologetic expression.

“Miss, I’m so terribly sorry about this, but an unexpected personal emergency has come up for your regular therapist and she’s had to leave before your treatment today.”

Your face drops. The excited anticipation bubbling inside you from at last being able to relax, dying out instantly at her words.

Of course it wasn’t your therapist’s fault that you would miss out on the only pass time that gets you through the month. Of course, it wasn’t her fault you’d probably go home and scream into your pillow. Yet, you couldn’t help your internal frustration at the disappointing outcome.

It didn’t help that you hadn't had an orgasm for god knows how long too. The band inside was you on the verge of snapping. A massage being the only way to soothe the built up tension over the month and you feared you would have a mental breakdown from the added stress.

“Listen, I wouldn’t normally suggest this,” she goes on to explain as you lift your head with intrigue, “but we have a new massage therapist in training, free for your time slot. His clientele base is still quite small. However, he’s received great reviews and he’s happy to cover your treatment today - if that’s something you would consider. Would you like to meet him before coming to a decision?”

Fuck it. It’s either this or try to relieve yourself with your shitty vibrator at home that’ll probably die out before you can finish anyway. And you really didn’t want to make the dent in your bedroom wall any bigger from the other times you’d thrown the useless thing at it.

So, what harm could it do?

After agreeing to an introduction with the trainee, telling yourself you should at least see if you feel comfortable enough with him, you stand outside the private massage room, waiting to be invited in.

Eventually hearing a breathy shout of “Come in!”, the receptionist opens the door and allows you to step through, the seemingly young man’s back turned towards you as he fiddles with last minute preparations for your massage.

“Just tryna get everythin’ ready for ya, won’ be a minute.”

After finishing up and a final appraisal to the set up, the trainee spins on his fit, claps his hands together and looks at you directly, “Sorry ‘bout that, darlin’! The name's James Barnes, but you can call me Bucky, sweetheart, I’ll be lookin’ after’ya today.”

Holy shit, where the hell did they find this one?

Bucky’s mid length chocolate hair ran rogue with an errand piece falling into his eyes. It took all of your strength to not reach out and tuck it behind his ear, or maybe even scratch your nails through his hair just to grip it and tug to see if he whimpers.

Woah, settle down girl.

A tight white womens beater, stretched across his pecs, showcased his bulging arms and the pure muscle you couldn’t tear your eyes from. You were pretty sure you were drooling, but you couldn’t give a single fuck right now.

If you had to guess, you would have pinned him as a farmhand or a ranch owner from down south before he became a trainee massage therapist - it definitely would have explained his devilishly built form and his southern twang that has your knees weak.

That’s not the only reason I want my legs to be shaking.

It most definitely isn’t difficult to imagine Bucky with a cowboy hat sitting on his head, thick thighs clenching to keep himself steady riding a horse. Or how easy it is to picture him throwing stacks of hay over his shoulders, dirt covering his sweat glistened body as his pure strength gives him no trouble carrying them to the stables.

You don't even realise you still haven’t spoken a word, stood dumbstruck with your mouth gaping open and lost in your unholy thoughts about the living wet dream about to rub you up, completely forgetting another person was in the room with you.

The receptionist speaks up, “Are you comfortable with James stepping in-“

“Yes!”. Your cheeks burn hot with embarrassment from how quickly you answered, clearing your throat and steeling yourself not to continue making an idiot of yourself. “Um- yes of course, yes… not a problem at all.”

You miss Bucky’s sly little smirk as you make the effort to keep your gaze towards the floor, his tongue peaking out and wetting his lips as he gives you a once over.

Things were about to get interesting.

“So sweetheart, I’m gonna step out while you get changed, take all clothin’ off, start off with lyin’ on’ya stomach for me and cover y’lower half with a towel - I’m sure y’know the drill by now.”

Reverting your attention back onto him, your pulse quickens at his nonchalant conversing of stripping naked. Okay, it was standard procedure for the therapist to go over protocol, but that talk from him is sinfully criminal.

Walking up to the door, Bucky suddenly turns around, “Oh and don’t forget to take off the underwear too, darlin’, be back in a tick.” Bucky winks and slaps the doorframe, finally leaving the room.

Fuck my life.

You have a couple of minutes to compose yourself before Bucky comes back. Changing out of your clothes was almost a relief - sweat clinging to your skin from meeting him and that freaking accent that drove your mind wild. Your panties seemed to agree too, considering the sticky mess that clung to your folds as you pulled them down your legs.

As you now lay face down on the table, folded towel covering your ass - back and legs on display - you anxiously wait for Bucky’s arrival, muscles subtly twitching from either your stress or the need to get fucked.

Probably both.

The door opens to your only knowledge of hearing, sight only focused on the floor from the carved head cushion allowing your face to sit through it. Goosebumps raise on your arms as you listen to the door then quietly close and footsteps get closer towards your direction.

You hold your breath when you see boots stop into your peripheral and legs bend to show a pair of thick thighs straining against the denim of his jeans.

Yep, definitely Bucky.

Lifting your head slightly to look at his face when he doesn’t speak, you choke on your spit when you find him shirtless, stomach marveled with so many abs. You would count, but you’re a little afraid you’ve lost brain cells from his presence alone. And all hope is gone when you see his jeans strung low on his waist - ‘v’ line tantalising your dignity as you wonder how morally wrong it could be to drop to your knees and lick it.

You’re not proud to say you don’t take anything he says in as Bucky begins going through what’s to be expected for your treatment. Ever the professional as you think he probably tells you what to do should you like any adjustments made with his pressure or technique. Luckily, you seem to have gotten away with it as he stands and picks up some oil, tilting your head back down to do some breathing exercises.

“Jus’ the massage today then, sweets? Y’know I wouldn’t mind throwin’ a free facial in there for y’too with the trouble y’had.”

What the fuck?

Your brain short circuits. Surely he must hear what he’s saying out loud… right?

Inwardly shaking your head, you put it down to the lack of intimacy you had gotten recently, mind conjuring illicit fantasies and turning everything he says into something dirty.

You stutter to reply, “N-no, that’s o-okay, just the massage i-is fine.”

The small smile on Bucky’s face is so innocent, like he hasn’t just rebooted your entire being. “Alrightie then darlin’, lemme get started then.”

Guess them breathing exercises went to shit.

Bucky begins slicking his hands up with the massage oil, lathering between his fingers and ensuring all crevices are glistening - especially his veins that bulge all the way up his forearm.

“I’m warnin’ y’though, I’m quite good with my hands.”

You don’t have time to stop yourself blurting the next automatic thought in your head out into the open.

“I bet you are.”

If you could slap yourself you would. Cringing in despair at your ability to make yourself look stupid. You expect things to turn awkward, for Bucky to show unease and even stop the session altogether.

To your surprise, you feel a whisper of a breath caress your neck as he mumbles the very thing to probably cause your death.

“Oh, you have no idea, darlin’.”

The start of the massage truly had your nerves settling down and calming you enough to actually enjoy yourself. Yeah, you still struggled with keeping your cool with Bucky’s huge hands caressing you with his sensual touch, but you managed to stop your squirming and relax.

Bucky however, couldn’t keep a straight head for the life of him. Softness of your skin and the feel of your curves literally in the palms of his hands had his cock threatening to bust the zipper of his jeans.

Timid little thing you were, so skittish when you saw him and he just had to have a little fun with you. That soon backfired on him the second he got a hold of you. Fingers itching to just smooth down your luscious body and open you up like his own personal present.

Unfortunately, he had to make do with rubbing his erection against the edge of the massage table to give him some relief. You were just so sexy - a stunning face and an amazing figure - never mind how fucking adorably shy you were.

Just my type and I’ll be damned if I don’t get a piece’a ya, sweetheart.

Was it wrong for him to be thinking of a client this way? Of course. Would Bucky most definitely get fired before he’s even completed his training should anyone find out? No doubt about it. Was that going to change his mind over what he was about to do next?

Absolutely fucking not.

You had succeeded in keeping your moans and whimpers locked away when Bucky reached particularly sensitive spots on your back. No, not the ones that felt a little too tender, the places his touch elicited your growing desire - as much as you tried to hide it, he could still hear your little intakes of breaths.

But that’s not what I’m after sweetie, I wanna hear how good I’m makin’ you feel.

So, he comes up with a plan.

“Oh darlin’, I can feel all those knots in y’upper back, been workin’ so hard ain’t ya, sweets?”

Fuck, you really had. And Bucky’s praise paired with his seductive voice makes you feel all gooey with neediness, trying to stop yourself sinking into your fuzzy headspace as you reply back. “Y-yeah, I mean I guess so.”

“How ‘bout we try somethin’ different, hm?” Bucky begins to explain, “Reckon if we got y’to bend them legs into a kneelin’ position then it’d feel so much better.”

The sincerity of his voice has you rethinking your suspicions towards how exposed you might be. You still had the towel to cover anything private and while your old therapist never suggested anything like this, Bucky may have learned something new and wanted to try it out.

So you begin to do as he’s asked. “Um, l-like this?”

“Tha’s it, arch that back for me, sweetie.” Again, you follow his instructions all too easily. “Little more for me- there ya go, jus’ like that.”

Bucky can’t help the groan that slips out as he observes the thin towel curve over the shape of your ass. You’re not much higher from the first position you were in, but the subtle lift in your legs, and bowed back allows a perfect image for him.

And a perfect chance.

“Gonna work on y’legs now, sweetheart, lemme know if somethin’ ain’t feelin’ good.”

You don’t have a chance to reply as Bucky begins to knead the muscles in your legs. An unrestrained moan escaping from your lips as he uses his thumbs to work the tension out. You feel as though you've been transported to another world, eyes rolling to the back of your head in glorious pleasure.

Meanwhile, Bucky is having the time of his life watching the jiggle of your ass every time he switches up the motion of his strokes. You don’t seem to notice the towel slowly shifting upwards, revealing the bottom of your ass cheeks to him.

He just needs your legs to spread that tiny bit more so he can see your pretty little pussy.

“That feelin’ good for ya, darlin’?”

Apparently, you let go of all inhibitions from the satisfaction Bucky’s hands bring you, all but unbashfully moaning, “Mhmm, god yes Bucky, feels so fuckin’ good.”

That’s what I love to hear.

“Amazin’. Doin’ so great for me sweetheart, jus’ let ya’self relax and Bucky will take care a ya.”

The dip of your back deepens as you unknowingly start to bring your legs more under you, ass canting up like a cat as Bucky’s thumbs rub close to the crevice under your ass cheeks.

He’s so dangerously close to his prize, he can literally see the wetness that’s spilled from your cunt, coating your inner thighs.

Fuck it.

Bracing for the worst, Bucky’s thumb runs over your pussy lips and your breath hitches as the bolt of electricity that shoots through your body. Now fully aware of his intentions, you expect yourself to feel a slither of outrage, some kind of anger at him for letting it go this far and yet you can’t seem to bring yourself to stop him.

Bucky pauses his thumbs in question, waiting to back off as soon as you deny him and allowing you the freedom of consent.

But, you want this.

The fact he stops his ministrations within an inch of your cunt has you unable to hold back your loud whine, ass pushing back into his hold to try and get him to carry on.

As much as Bucky loves your enthusiasm and he’s almost certain you want this as much as he does, he needs to hear your verbal consent in order for him to proceed. “Ah ah, sweet girl, need to know y’want this, need to hear y’say it.”

With great difficulty, fog clouding your head, you manage to mumble a whimper of agreement. “Fuck, y-yes pleaseee Bucky, give it to me.”

And that’s all the confirmation he needs.

Bucky places both thumbs on each cheek and spreads them apart to reveal your pretty, slick pussy, hole pulsing, almost begging to be filled.

You whimper as you feel his long pointer finger slide through the mess you’ve made and teasingly give your throbbing clit a little tap for good measure.

The little shit even has the audacity to chuckle at your desperation.

“Look at ya darlin’, such a fuckin’ good girl for me, ya think we can get y’a little more wet, hm?”.

He laughs at your stutter, no worries for him though, he can’t wait to make sure he leaves your head empty enough for not one single thought to cross your mind.

Bucky gently slaps your leg and bends over you to whisper in your ear, “turn around, pretty girl.”

The last defence of the towel covering your modesty falls from your body as you quickly move to lie on your back, too fucked out to even notice the breeze that hardens your nipples and exposes your tits to Bucky’s gaze.

He could’ve just picked you up and fucked you against the wall right then and there. But Bucky’s a patient man, and he’s not about to put his pleasure before yours. He wants this to last.

Straddling the table as he combs his wild hair back, Bucky grabs your thighs over his forearms with feral need to drag you down towards him, placing your legs over each of his and separating them. This was his personal slice of heaven.

The view of your cunt and the bounce of your tits has him gripping his cock over his jeans, shaky breaths rattling his chest over how turned on he is from the sight - you really were a goddess, a doll for him to play with until you couldn’t walk.

Releasing himself and grabbing the bottle of oil from the table next to him, Bucky looks directly into your eyes, his own hooded as he unscrews the lid. Your high pitched moans and whimpers have his nerves set alight and he can’t wait to see your face as you cum from his fingers alone.

“Buck-Bucky, what a-are you d-doing?”. It takes everything in you to lift yourself on to your elbows, looking down to see him hovering the bottle over your pussy.

“Y’trust me, sweet girl?”. Fuck, with that voice alone you’d put your whole faith in him.

You gently nod as you never take your eyes away from his, that wicked smirk adorning his face as his eyes light up from your answer.

“Good.”

That’s the last thing you hear before you feel the cold splash of oil drip against your pussy and your shocked moan fills the room as your arms give out.

The liquid rolls down your folds, down to your puckered hole and the thought quickly surpasses Bucky of what your reaction would be if he suggested a little anal play.

First things first, Barnes.

Right.

After emptying the remainder of the oil over you, Bucky tosses the bottle onto the floor, and begins to run his fingers over your cunt, shining in all its pleasurable glory. Trailing down to your hole, Bucky begins to press one finger inside you, stopping at the first knuckle only to take it back out and repeat his torturous teasing.

You can’t help your squirming - hands fisted tight in your hair as your toes curl. The relief of a second finger added to the first only lasts for a minute as again, he torments you by going no further than his first knuckles. All you want is for him to slide his fingers as deep as they can go, but Bucky is far too mesmerised with the glisten of his fingers and the feel of your fluttering little pussy.

“W-want more, baby, p-please Bucky, need more.”

The term of endearment as his feasted eyes snap up to look at you, has his cock twitching - you looked so fucking beautiful like this for him and the pleading in your features has him going soft on you.

Always was a sucker for pretty girls begging.

“Need more, sweetheart? Alright pretty girl, y’can have some more.”

You soon figure how Bucky was holding out on you as he fucks you with his two fingers at a quickened pace, the squelch of mixed juices from your cunt loud to your ears and you’d be embarrassed if Bucky didn’t enjoy it.

And he really did, the sound of your arousal leaking out of you because of him leaves him feeling untamed, beastly, as his veins bulge from his arms. His cock is aching, hard from how much he gets off on your pleasure - he knows he can make it better for you, though. He won’t be happy until you lose your voice because of him.

Slowing down, his deep rumble has the knot in your stomach tightening even more, “Think y’can handle another, sweetie? ‘Cause I think y’can, think this wet pussy needs to be filled up till she can’t take no more.”

With that, Bucky eases a third finger along with his other, the stretch just right to have you wailing out with consistent cries of his name.

Curling his fingers against your upper wall, Bucky searches for that spongey rough patch - he wants you to see stars and he isn’t giving up till you do.

“Hold on a sec sweets, lemme just-, find… oh, there it is.”

All of a sudden your back shoots off the table and your scream of pleasure drowns out the sounds of waterfalls in the background.

“Fuck!”

“Tha’s right darlin’, lemme hear y’scream for me.”

You grip his wrist to keep his hand fucking you, his perfect rhythm too good for you to speak something tangible. But you can’t have him changing anything, you need him to keep everything the same, so you can finish.

Bucky still finds it so fucking hot, sweat from exertion gathering on his neck and dripping down his chest. He couldn’t care less, he just wants to see you cum.

He physically has to use his free arm to force your legs open, it won’t do that you’re trying so desperately to close your legs around him. No. He wants to see you tremble in his hold. He’s fucking craving it.

“C’mon baby, know y’so close sweet girl.”

You are so fucking close, so near to that orgasm you haven’t had in so long - you’ve turned dumb, world blurring around you, only important thing in your mind getting to finish.

And you’re done for as soon as Bucky places his thumb on your swollen clit and circles.

“BUCKY!”

He watches as your shrieks fall from your mouth. Tremors rack through your body, legs finally able to close around his hand as tears from the intensity roll down your temples. You’re in your element and he’s never seen sexier in his entire life.

White cream drips from your pussy as Bucky slowly takes his fingers out, not able to help himself as he plays with your folds and starts to fuck your cum back into you.

Soon enough, you begin to calm down, heavy breathing with your occasional whine of overstimulation from his motions blessing his ears.

He leans down to pepper kisses over your heaving stomach and underneath your breasts, other hand stroking over your heated skin and up to your cheek.

“Easy girl, that’s it, deep breaths.”

Bucky continues to talk you down and strokes your sweaty hair back from your face, your eyes closed and mouth open, panting.

He stops his ministrations altogether, but keeps his fingers inside you, his body connected over yours to settle some of his weight on you and bring you back down to earth.

Giving you a couple of minutes to come down from your fluffy clouds, Bucky analyses all your signals to make sure you’re okay and that you feel safe - and once he completes all his internal checks, he flashes you a dazzling smile.

“So… this may be a bit forward a’me, but what d’ya say I take y’out on a date tomorrow night?”

You chuckle breathlessly at his little joke - as if he didn’t already have his fingers still in your cunt. “Only if you answer my question.” you counter back.

“Sure thing, lil’ darlin’.”

Trying to keep your expression aloof you ask, “What did you do before you started training to be a massage therapist?”

He looks like a little confused puppy as he cocks his head and frowns, but answers anyway with a cheeky squint of his eyes.

“I used to work on my mama’s ranch back home, sweetheart.”

Your head rolls back onto your shoulders as Bucky begins picking up the steady pace of his fingers again, fucked out smile on your face in rememberance to your guesses from earlier.

Fucking knew it.

He may not have the slightest clue what you’re thinking, but he doesn’t have to know as long as he’s the one who’s making you smile like that.

And, he already can’t wait for your next meeting as he unbuttons his jeans and pulls down his zipper to bring his dick out and start fucking his fist while he enjoys the sight of his other hand fucking your cunt.

“Now, we got another hour to make sure ya get what y’paid for darlin’, so hold on tight and enjoy the ride.”

A/N: who doesn’t love a happy ending, right? 😈

[dontdoxarya]

I don’t believe in Favorite Person shit.

Or rather it is HEAVILY MISUNDERSTOOD. I WILL STAND ON THAT.

It often seems like people see a favorite person being a Favorite person because of who THEY are as a person. Like… their traits or how they make you feel. I fucking disagree.

After a whole deep dive into my brain (no substances FWIW). Just good ol radical acceptance. It’s fucking bullshit.

I’ve had FPs I didn’t even like. Or I hated. Or just barely knew.

Why? Because a FP has nothing to do with them. It’s not about who they are what they are like. Not about what they make you feel as an individual.

It is all about externalizing your brain trauma onto them.

If you are fucking lonely. ANYONE who represents proof that the little voice in your head; your history; were wrong. You will gobble that shit up.

Oh you wish you had… yeah. Now this person is that thing. You aren’t actually even looking at a person. You are looking at a concept in your head.

If you had shitty unavailable parents. You aren’t loving the person who IS available. You are just trying to prove to yourself that you didn’t deserve unavailability. “Yay…. There’s tangible proof that my parents were bad and I didn’t deserve any of it.”

Cause it’s BORDERLINE. BPD. BORDERLINE.

There is no “IM SO HAPPY MY LIFE IS BETTER THAN IT WAS.” Nope. “We are fixed. Look! People like us. We are fixed.” I promise you that shit will happen outside of “people” you “know”.

A hookup that felt safe? Yeah. Sorry look at this sign that you didn’t desereve the abuse you dealt with. HAHAHAHAHHAHH BRAIN. You were so wrong.

You’ll do it with non-people too.

Cats. Fucking cats.

“My cat sat with my roommate today. He got bored of me.” Nah. That’s a fucking cat. Bitch doesn’t speak. Just says meow. “She doesn’t like me. My room just has a view of birds” oi. What are are you on about. That’s not a person.

When you are miserable in your job. Your hobbies will become your personality.

Anything to self-soothe and tell yourself you are okay.

Cause there can only be one. Only one thing.

If something loves you neverendingly. If you love one thing non stop?

That’s your proof. You have proved whatever it is wrong.

Instead of obsessing over just the symptoms. Ask yourself why.

“Why can’t I placate myself?”

“Why can’t I be happy when people aren’t available 24/7?”

“What can I do to love myself better?”

Nothing and no one can fix you. Make you not hate yourself.

Im sorry love. I really am. I don’t want to break your bubble.

It’s not about “people leave”. That’s defeatist and sad. Nihilistic even.

But you can’t keep papering over cracks your whole life. You can’t stay stuck fixing symptoms when a route cause exists.

Instead of asking “why that person.” Ask “why that behavior.”

The person is just a person who cares for you. That’s it. There is NO DEEPER MEANING TO EXPLORE. They love you. So they support you.

So why is it you can’t accept it?

Why can’t you trust it?

Why can’t you be that person for yourself?

Make peace with the fact that no one can meet those BPD needs for you. No one but you. It will take support from community and therapists and whatever.

But putting in the legwork is on you.

You have to be willing to grow.

And if you can’t do it for yourself? Do it for people around you. No amount of people can force you to love yourself.

I say that as someone surrounded by love.

No amount of sex can make you feel attractive. Deep in your bones. Doesn’t matter how many hot women find me pretty. If I hate myself I hate myself.

Your goal can’t be to not see a “favorite person” as that anymore. Cause you will make someone else that person later.

It has to be to move past having them. Past the obsession over having your needs met. It’s okay to say ��thanks for meeting me needs. Talk to you later.” It ain’t that deep. Everyone has their needs met by people they care about.

I’m sorry that you didn’t growing up. But yeah…

Im out of shit to say.

This was either deeply profound.

Or extremely benign.

Or worse. Preachy.

Genuinely? Let me know

[niningtori]

ok u know what EYE think is better than angsty beomgyu…. similar to pathetic beomgyu but the mc is emotionally unavailable 🙂‍↕️ like pure zen. she does not care about things that don’t concern her like she’s just cool~ it’s angst but bc of the mc 🙂‍↕️ i love that trope bad bc it’s kinda me sometimes 🙈

i’ve stopped being desperate over men for a few yrs now hahahah… (not really but yes really) and i believe if i was fully content with my life, i wouldn’t bat an eye at anyone unless i know they r willing to just follow me bc they love me!!! that’s been my thing for dating lately… like don’t hold me to expectations cuz i will do what i want pls.. if u wanna be with me knowing i might pick up my life and do something else then so be it! like a puppy hahahah .. (i haven’t had a therapy session in a few weeks im sry she’s on vacation til next week) anygays (im queer) im so excited for everything girl the previews r tew good 🐰

i’m sorry i just woke up this is a mess

OMGGGG i love that trope too but i love it when she's like that bc she's been traumatized so much she jus doesn't care anymore... like that's rlly me NWNANSj it'll take a lot for me to truly give a fuck about a man i actually know irl. shoutout to my fellow emotionally unavailable babies 🫡

i think that's a great way to look at things tbh but maybe i'm just an enabler. but my reasoning is that i personally think that women compromise themselves too much for men and ik i've done that in the past by dating men who r uglier than me n treat me like shit... sooooo that's not happening ever again. ik ppl say this to the point where it's overexposed but we r like black cats we jus need our golden retriever partners

ANYGAYSBWHANSJS i'm laughing i'm queer too i think comphet jus kicks my ass sometimes but i really am only attracted to like 12 men on this planet sooo take from that what u will

also omg my therapist is going on leave for like a month i'm gonna be so lost w/o her... sigh...

and thank u for the compliments 🥹❤️ ur opinion means the world to me MWAH

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

SNEAK PEEK for "Unavailable"

This is a new fic I'm working on. A while back someone requested a dark Harry fic and it just wasn't coming out and now it is!

WARNINGS (for the sneak peak): 18+ (I beg of you minors, DNI), therapist x client, inappropriate relationships, attraction to unavailable people, manipulation, aggressive sexual advances - some of these things may be triggering to some people!!

This snippet isn't that dark but still, read at your own risk!

Taglist: @victoria-styles

“Ummm…no, I wouldn’t say I feel nervous with you.” She stated and he licked over his lips as he took her in for a moment. It made her heart pound in a way that she hadn’t felt in a while now. Then he stood up and approached the couch she was occupying one side of. He then sat down on the other end of it, his eyes still locked on hers.

“What about now?” He asked and she shook her head. He then moved to middle seat, beside her, “And now?” He asked again, her heart was beating wildly. From here she could smell his cologne and see his handsome face up close. Her pupils dilated, her body’s way of communicating that she was excited and captivated by the man before her, it didn’t go unnoticed by him, nevertheless, she shook her head, “Be honest.” He challenged her and she exhaled shakily.

“Yeah, it makes me a little nervous.” She confessed. He hummed and reached his hand towards her and settled it at her waist as his face came in close to hers. So much so that the tips of their noses brushed and she could smell the fresh mint on his breath from the fucking gum he was always chewing.

“And now?” He asked and she bit down on her lip, her eyes focused on how close his body was to hers, “Hey, be a good girl and look me in the eyes when I’m talking to you.” He demanded and her entire body fluttered when he said that and she had to obey him, “Are you nervous now?” He asked again and she nodded, “Use you words.”

“Yes.” She breathed out.

“Why?” He asked her, leaning in closer so that their lips almost touched.

“Because this is…wrong. We’re not supposed to be doing something like this.” She said.

“Am I to believe that if I were to reach into your panties and feel over your pussy it wouldn’t be all hot and sticky for me?” He asked, his lips skimming against her own and she wasn’t sure what to say, “Answer me.” He demanded and she shook her head.

“I can’t do this. We can’t. We shouldn’t.” She said shakily.

“Obviously. But do you want to?” He asked her and she bit down on her lip to suppress her moan. She was turned on beyond belief, “What if I told you that I have a wife and kid waiting for me at home? Would you want to then?” He asked and she shook her head, “You’re a liar.” He stated and she was feeling conflicted and unsure about what was happening but it was so fucking hot, she wanted to know how far he was willing to take this.

“M’not lying.” She defended herself.

“Yeah, you are. I just know that if I told you that my wife neglected me you’d be halfway there. What would really get you there would be if I told you that from the moment I saw you I was just captivated by you. That I’ve never seen someone so fucking beautiful. That she doesn’t compare to you. That I would never cheat, but you’re the exception.” He said and she whimpered.

“Th-that’s not fair, Harry.” She said with a frown and he felt a little guilty for a moment. She was right, he was being a manipulative piece of shit, but he wanted her so fucking bad 

[qyuoza]

Seconds (YJN)

“After all, I am not always one for seconds. You can find someone else for that now”

Genre: Angst

AU: Highschool!au, Nonidol!au

Warnings: A bit of profanity, Jeongin is like super toxic towards the reader

Summary: You were tired of being the second choice, but how much pain is too much for you to let go of him?

A/N: Sorry for the delay! I had exams the past few days so I’ve been busy :(

-

“It sucks because I want to hate you, but I can’t” Y/n sighs heavily. Jeongin stares at her, confused by her sudden outburst.

“What do you mean? Y/n we’ve been friends for so long and yet you never tell me anything” he says, but Y/n could only laugh bitterly. After all, how could she? She was always Jeongin’s second option and he would never understand.

“Jeongin, I’m tired of being the second option! For fucks sake, I don’t think I was ever first in your eyes! Not even once throughout our entire friendship” Y/n fumes. Was he blind? This boy never bat an eye in her general direction unless he needed something from her.

“I’m constantly the backup and not once have you considered how I feel, tell me Jeongin, did I ever reject you once when you needed my help? No, because no matter how bad my mental state got, I would still put you first” she cried out.

Jeongin stood completely still, was he being selfish right now? He couldn’t tell, but in your defense, you definitely were always someone he would just go to for advice or when nobody was really available.

“Y/n I’m sorry I—“ Y/n cuts him off and briskly walks towards the edge of the rooftop, Jeongin following her with worry.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it, after all you’ve done to me? I should’ve known you would blow me off ever since you met your new groupies, but I constantly run back to you thinking you would change” she sighs, looking over the school yard.

“You’re emotionally unavailable and yet you make me feel like I have someone only for you to run back somewhere else and disregard me days after. It’s so funny Jeongin, how you’re constantly first and I always come in second” Y/n continues, a bitter smile on her face.

The boy looks at her, confused on why she was suddenly so melancholy. Hours prior to this, Jeongin thought it was going to be the same old conversation at the rooftop where he would ask Y/n for advice on something, then leave her for the next few days to deal with things on his own.

“I can’t believe I’m the one that has to constantly deal with your emotional baggage, Jeongin I think it’s better if we go our separate ways because you’re not healthy for me” Y/n says nonchalantly.

He knew. He knew that she had thought about it for awhile, and he didn’t know what to do. Of course, Y/n was a second option, but Jeongin didn’t want to lose her. He’d be dumb enough to even let her go when she’s the only thing keeping him sane after weeks of dealing with problems in his life.

“I can’t go around being your therapist anymore, and if I was more honest, I’d say that I loved you Jeongin. Yet, you only prove every single day that you aren’t worthy of my trust” Y/n walks towards the door of the rooftop and smiles at him.

“After all, I am not always one for seconds. You can find someone else for that now” and the moment the door closes, Jeongin realizes. He lost her, permanently this time.

© RIKISZN 2022 -. please refrain from plagiarizing any of my works and do not repost/copy onto any other sites.

[thevillainswhore]

Hello, my lovelies! Welcome to my masterlist! I’m so happy to have you here. I hope you enjoy your time and I encourage any questions or requests. Happy reading, love Mollie 🤍

Fic Key:

☁️ fluff, 🔥 smut, ❤️‍🩹 angst, 🖤 dark

Please take care to read all warnings on my fics — they have been labelled for a reason. I am not responsible for your media consumption.

Bucky Barnes

Oneshots:

Deserving ❤️‍🩹

Bucky has internal scars too deeply imbedded that cause him to hide away from the world on the bad days. But he always knows, no matter how long he takes, you’ll forever be waiting for him on the other side — the light to bring him home. (3.2k)

Dancing With The Devil | Part Two 🔥

You were always a sensible girl — an angel some would say. But how quickly are you willing to shred your wings when the devil himself is so damn tempting? (5.2k)

Loverboy ☁️

Bucky, a lovesick, pining super soldier, vows to keep his feelings for you a secret — no matter how obvious his crush may seem. Those plans are ruined between a meddling Sam, an embarrassing fall, and a visit to the medbay with you. (4.3k)

Revenge Sweeter Than Honey 🔥

When Bucky’s professor unfairly grades his college assignment, ruining his perfect GPA, he finds a way to get revenge — And doesn’t his sweet little wife look delicious? (9.2k)

A Forbidden Invitation 🔥

You think a one night stand from the summer, the best fuck of your life, is a done deal — a single, heated encounter that now lives vividly in your memories. But you learn that your actions have consequences when you befriend a new student, starting in the new term, and she invites you over to meet her Dad. (11.5k)

You Look Good On Camera, Baby 🔥

Bucky’s not letting you leave the photobooth, not until he’s had his way with you. (2.8k)

The Ties That Bind Us 🔥

Even though Bucky is your ex-husband, you still have to see him often because of your shared son. But the heated tension, the spark that is still very much alive after your divorce, finally reaches its peak when you come home from your date. (5.7k words)

Read Between The Lines ☁️

There shouldn’t have been anything unusual about your routine visit to the local bookstore. Your life was simple and mundane, even if you were a daydreamer at heart. But you were pleasantly surprised when this time you met a handsome stranger between the shelves. (6.6k words)

Spoiled And Stuffed 🔥

Bucky surprises you with a gift on your birthday. (2.6k words)

Tension 🔥

You’re devastated when your usual massage therapist becomes unavailable at the last minute, but an unexpected trainee is more than happy to handle you. (4.2k words)

Perverse Desires 🔥

Assigned an undercover mission, you’re partnered up with the bane of your existence, Bucky, to pay a visit to a sex club. What could go wrong? (4k words)

Anywhere Away With You ☁️🔥❤️‍🩹

Old ghosts from your past threaten to disturb the peace you’ve made with your new life. Will temptation steer you away? (11k words)

Series:

The Love In The Woods Collection ☁️🔥

After years apart, Bucky, a small town lumberjack, and Dolly, his best girl, find their way back to each other as adults.

A series of oneshots, drabbles and snippets following the course of two old school friends and their blossoming relationship.

The New Tricks Collection ☁️🔥

An alternate universe starring two college students; Bucky, the star football player and Buttercup, his best friend’s little sister. Follow their main journey together as they learn their mutual pining isn’t one sided after all through an array of firsts. (30k)

Can’t Take My Eyes Off You 🖤🔥

Bucky, the IT and technology expert of your office, has been secretly obsessed since the moment he set his sights on sensitive, naive, little you. But, your only fault is your repetitive ability to get your heartbroken by fuck boys. So, naturally, he has to do whatever it takes to make you see he’s perfect for you… Right?

Steve Kemp

Oneshots:

A Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing 🖤

It was an art - one that took many years and many sacrifices to perfect, and Steve had managed to become a master at it. There was just one thing he would not fully commit to sacrificing, at least not the important parts that kept life essence flowing: you. (2.6k words)

[digital-sigil]

I FUCKING FINISHED IT THANK FUCK. HHNGH. THANKS TO @mean-green-lawyer-machine FOR HELPING ME FIGURE OUT DIALOGUE

@psychedelicships-chaos @hihello-what-is-chaos-doing etc etc COME READ MY FIC RIGHT NOW

This fic is SUPER SUPER SUPER late into Mlb!Kaylen's arc/plot, where he's on the road to recovery FOR REAL THIS TIME and going to therapy.

Therapy

Kaylen walked into the medical building, waving at Margret, the lady at the front desk. Both of them knew why he was here, no exchange needed, and he simply walked to his therapist’s office.

“So, you said you had something to tell me?” His therapist; Doctor Hall, was a kind person. Understanding. Good therapist traits. “Um, yeah. It’s kinda, super super important to… Y’know... The causes of most of my issues? It’s a bit hard to, y’know, tell people, because of how dangerous it could be… But I talked it over  with… uh… someone, and we agreed that it’d be best to just tell you.” “Someone? Who?” “It uh, has to do with the thing. Believe it or not- you probably won’t, But, I’m.. The Tiger. Y’know, the superpowered individual? Who… was a villain… B-but I’m trying to change! I don’t want to hurt people anymore! “Th-That’s why I’m here. I really wasn’t very sure about telling you.. P-please don’t tell anyone.” 

“Ah. I can see how all that could affect your mental health, and provides much-needed context. Would you mind explaining why you made that switch?”

Kaylen was a bit speechless-  He had expected something… Bigger. Maybe a little shock? “Huh?”

“Even if I wanted to tell someone, I couldn’t, because of doctor-patient confidentiality rules. Besides, it’s not the worst thing I’ve heard this week.” “R-really? You’re… Not shocked at all? Worried?” “Well, you’re already making an effort to change your ways, evidenced by how often I’ve seen you with Ladybug’s team on the news recently, and even just being here.”

“A-ah. Makes sense… Uh, Roaar, you can come out now.” “Roaar is unavailable; Please leave a message.” “Wha- Roaar come on, you know more about my mental health than I do, plus you already have notes,” At this point, Dr. Hall is a little confused. A teeny tiny notebook flies out of Kaylen’s pocket. “Roaar please it’s tiny how are we supposed to read it-” “Magnifying glass.” “Whom are you talking to exactly?” asked the doctor “Oh, oh right-” (“No one!” Roaar piped up.) “Roaar, the source of my powers. She doesn’t want to come out of my pocket...” (“Obviously not!”) “But, she knows a lot more about my mental state than I do,” he says, laughing awkwardly. “Ah, I see. Are you two friends?” “Um. Good question. Roaar..?” (“Sometimes.”) “Okay, sometimes.”“Sometimes? What does that mean?” “No clue.” (“It means sometimes!”) “But uh… We get along sometimes, we don’t get along sometimes, it’s… complicated. I don’t think she likes me very much, haha…” (“Only when you’re stupid,” responds Roaar, with not a trace of venom on her voice.) “Ah. Well, thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this. I can imagine how stressful it is to tell someone that you’re a superhero. We don’t have enough time left to discuss much, but, you should go treat yourself for gathering the courage to tell me.” “Huh? W-well, okay then..”

[princessphilly]

All Bets Are Off: Chapter 1

Word Count: 2068

CW: not yet, except for some bad language

Note: I don’t always write long chapters. Some may be closer to 2000, some closer to 5000, it depends on the chapter and what is going on. 

taglist: @nazdaddy @texanstarslove @shortstacks-blog @missymore @hockeywocs @puckbitchesgetmoney @defiant-mouse @myhockeyworld87 @chicagostylehockey​ @barriesweet

Join the tag list here!

Chapter 1

“Look at my girl, moving up in the world!”

Nina could hear her mother’s voice in her head as she moved around in her office in the Lemieux Training Complex. Today was her first day working not just as a physical therapist for UPMC but as a physical therapist for the Pittsburgh Penguins and Nina felt like she was going to burst from nervousness. ‘Not bad for a girl from Clairton,’ Nina thought as she went through her schedule.

Nina had pledged never to come back to Western PA when she graduated from Clairton High. Now, almost eight years later, she was back and working with the hometown hockey team. After doing undergrad at Penn State, aka grades 13-16 with everyone from the area usually going there, Nina went down south to the University of Florida for her Doctor’s in Physical Therapy after getting her B.S. in Kinesiology. The warm weather was so much better than the fucking snow of Western PA but UPMC was offering the most money out of all of Nina’s job offers. After thinking about her student loans, UPMC was a no fucking brainer.

Taking a centering breath, Nina pasted her best professional smile on her face and got ready to go meet her first client. Before she could do that, her door opened and three men stepped in.

“Here is our newest physical therapist. Unlike Mike and Trent, Nina is a DPT,” Rick Dvorak, the head physical therapist explained to the two men with him.

Nina smiled and reached out her hand. “Good morning, my name is Nina Jackson, nice to meet you.”

Of course, she knew who the two other men were. One was Super Mario, Mario Lemieux, Pittsburgh legend and co-owner of the Pens. Next to him was Sidney Crosby, superstar who had just won his third Stanley Cup. Mario had a friendly professional smile but Sidney was looking at her like she… Nina didn’t quite know how to place that look. She kept her professional smile on her face while inwardly grimacing. Of course, the star of the team would feel some way about a black physical therapist.

“Sid looks a little starstruck,” Mario joked.

Sidney laughed self-consciously, his cheeks reddening adorably. Nina kept a straight face, thinking, ‘I hope I never have to treat him.’

Sidney smiled and his whiskey-brown eyes brightened. “Just a natural reaction to a pretty girl.”

Nina rolled her eyes inwardly, her professional smile getting strained. Sidney wanted to give himself a bag skate as he could tell that she was turned off. He felt awkward as hell and he wanted to curse but this wasn’t the time. He laughed, wishing that he wasn’t anywhere but here. Nina replied, “I’m used to turning heads but I didn’t quite expect to do that here,” with a laugh.

Sidney had met his fair share of gorgeous women, probably more than his fair share. Yet, his breath was taken away when he first saw her. Clear brown skin, dimples when she smiled, and dark brown hair pulled into a bun, nothing unique. But when Nina smiled, all Sidney wanted to do was drown in her smile and see what he could do to keep her smiling like that forever. Then, he got a look at the rest of her body and Sidney wanted to not only keep her smiling forever, he also wanted to find out what would get her to scream his name.

Then he faltered and realized that he really had goofed. Nina’s hand was still outstretched and he forgot to shake it. Sidney gave Nina an apologetic look and took her hand.

Nina didn’t know what happened when Sidney took her hand but she felt something electric, hot, and intense as hell. It was scary and she carefully pulled her hand back as soon as she could. Whatever it was, Nina was sure it was just another omen that today was going to be the worst day on earth.

Sidney gave Nina his best smile when she let go. He never felt such a connection when he had met a woman before but fuck, he had to change her mind about him.

Nina spent the next five minutes mentally willing the team owner, the captain, and her boss out of her office while making small talk. Luckily, the men left pretty quickly after wishing her luck on her first day working with the team. Sidney Crosby was the last to leave and Nina busied herself with arranging her papers. She could feel his eyes on her and Nina had no desire to interact with him. Then he finally left and she sighed deeply. Nina took several deep breaths before refocusing herself on her day ahead.

**

“Nina Latreice Jackson, now you know I ain’t raise no fool!”

Nina let out a low groan as she thought about another thing her mother loved to say. As much as it seemed like Crosby didn’t like her, Nina decided that she would be completely professional in every way. It wasn’t that hard; athletes were pretty much the same no matter where they were. Just like the Florida Gators players she worked on while in school, the Pens players fell under several categories. There were the jokers, the serious ones, the ones who lived to flirt, and players who fell under all of the categories.

For her first weeks, Nina worked at creating a professional boundary with the players she was working with. For the majority of the time, they were decently behaved. It was mid-season so there were all kinds of lingering issues, some more serious than others. Nina figured out pretty quickly that some of the players were going to follow directions while others were going to slack off until their issue made it impossible for them to ignore it.

However, today was her first day working with Sidney Crosby after her first day. Like she expected, it was a little awkward and his teammates didn’t help. The leader of the chirping was Geno Malkin. The guys kept walking by, sending suggestive looks and comments. Sidney’s cheeks were a dull red midway through the session. After a while, Nina got annoyed. 

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when Geno and Jake came by for the third time, making kissing noises. Nina snapped, “Unless you need treatment, I don’t understand why you are in here.”

“Ouch,” Geno replied as Jake laughed. “She mean.”

Sidney rolled his eyes as he gave his teammates a warning look. As Nina wrapped his ankle, Sidney tried to take several deep breaths. He had rolled it a bit during practice. It wasn’t major but with the other trainers unavailable, Nina had decided to look at it.

“Why are you so stiff?”

Sidney looked up at Nina. She was checking out his ankle with pursed lips but when her eyes met his, Sidney sucked in a breath. Nina was really… words failed.

“I’m waiting,” Nina prodded with a sarcastic chuckle. This was making her feel really uncomfortable. All of the others players were relatively easygoing but the captain, he was so stoic around her. It made her feel like he didn’t really want her and Nina had observed enough over the last weeks that whatever Sidney wanted, he got. If he said one thing, she would lose the extra money from working with the team and Nina couldn’t afford that.

Sidney gulped before deciding just to admit the truth. “It’s a bit hard to be around such a beautiful woman like you.”

Nina laughed before giving Sidney a sardonic smile. Sidney felt his heart break into two. He didn’t even get a chance to ask her out before fucking it up. “It’s true,” he whispered.

Nina swallowed before focusing back on his ankle. “You should be good, Mr. Crosby. I don’t diagnose injuries; I just help treat them but you should be good to go for the next practice and everything.”

“Call me Sidney.”

Her eyes met his again and Sidney was looking at Nina with the most earnest expression she had ever seen.

“Ok, Sidney,” Nina forced out with a fake smile.

Sidney groaned before getting off the table and sliding his feet into his crocs. Nina took a deep breath and rolled her eyes after he left.

Gretchen, one of the athletic trainers, came in and snickered. “I’m surprised he made it without self-combusting.”

“What?”

“Yinz don’t know? He likes you, Nina,” Gretchen explained.

Nina shrugged. “Yeah, right.”

“He’s always staring-“

Nina interrupted Gretchen as she said, “I’d rather go and get lunch. Panera Bread sound good?”

**

 Nina counted herself lucky that she was able to avoid Sidney after that day. Her luck ran out in the worst way. Nina was rushing out to make it to a dentist appointment when she ran into a hard chest. Tripping over her feet, Nina fell on her butt. 

“Owww!”

“Are you okay?”

Nina looked up and it was Sidney Crosby, of course, holding out a hand. She cautiously grabbed it and let him pull her up off the floor. Like the first time they met, Nina felt the electricity when their hands touched. This time, Sidney held her hand even after she was off the floor. 

“Seriously, are you okay,” Sidney pressed. 

Nina felt her cheek feel hot as she replied, “Seriously, I’m fine. It was an accident.”

“I mean, I don’t want to give you more reasons to hate me.”

For the first time, Nina noticed that Sidney looked vulnerable. Pulling her hand out of his grasp, she murmured, “I don’t hate you. I think you’re the one who may hate me.”

Sidney blinked in surprise. “I don’t hate you! But I would love to take you out for dinner sometime.”

Something made Nina feel instantly happy at his words that he didn’t hate her and wanted to take her out but it couldn’t work. “Nice to know that you don’t hate me but dinner isn’t going to happen. I gotta go, I’m going to be late!”

Sidney watched Nina race out of the building to her car. He was losing and he wasn’t used to losing. Gritting his teeth, Sidney vowed to himself that he would get Nina to warm up to him, sooner or later.

**

“Hey girl, how was your appointment?”

Nina smiled as she FaceTime with her best friend Lauren. “Not bad, no new cavities or anything. I talked with Dr. Smith about maybe getting adult braces and she said I don’t really need them.”

“Sounds good for someone who was freaking out,” Lauren teased. “So, what’s going on at work? Meet any hot players? Anyone you’d hook me up with?”

“Girl, no. I keep it strictly professional with them. I don’t even want them thinking anything is going to happen,” Nina replied. She half considered sharing her interactions with Sidney Crosby with Lauren but her BFF had a bad case of loose lips when drinking. So, Nina kept that to herself. 

“Is Sid hotter in person than he is on TV? You know I love my Steelers but I gotta know.”

Nina snorted before saying, “Meh. He’s alright.”

“He’s alright,’ Lauren said in disbelief. “Oh, there’s a story here.”

“There’s nothing because I deal with him at work now and then.” Nina rolled her eyes as Terrible Tess, her cat jumped in her lap. Steely, her dog, was at her feet. “Anyway, did you get the tickets for the game yet?”

Lauren was a lawyer and one of the perks was tickets to Steelers games, usually either in a box or on the 50-yard line. As diehard fans, Lauren and Nina tried to take advantage of that perk as much as possible. Lauren stated, “Oh yes, we got tickets. And there’s this guy…”

Nina listened to Lauren talk about her newest guy she was interested in as she petted Terrible Tess. As much as she didn’t want to, she couldn’t help but think of the look on Sidney’s face when she basically told him thanks but no thanks. He actually looked hurt; not an egotistical hurt that most men got when they were told that they aren't as great as they thought they were. But it was like an honest hurt. It didn’t matter though; past heartbreak taught Nina that getting involved with anyone even affiliated with work was the worst idea ever.

[golbrocklovely]

Once again we’re bashing the girls for thinking they can “change him” he’s a grown man and we need to stop babying him. He’s obviously telling them shit behind the scenes to get them that infatuated with him. Let’s be honest he’s a horny dog that doesn’t want to be with only one girl. I’m so sick of everyone making excuses for him. I love Colby. I really do. But I can’t keep defending him or excusing his actions by saying “he’s emotionally unavailable” or “still hurt” by his last relationship. At the end of the day if Colby was acting the same way with me as he was with stas then hell yeah I would’ve caught feelings. Stas has every right to be upset. You can’t say you don’t want anything serious but then turn around and constantly flirt. It’s giving mixed signals and I cannot stand men who do that. They don’t understand how much their actions hurt others. It’s cool if you and others disagree but personally colby is the problem to me.

this is a really long response so sorry about that

in no way was i bashing the girls that want to "change him". i'm saying that no woman should think that a) that is something you can do or b) that is something you have to do. bc again… we aren't therapist for broken men. we are not here to fix them. that is their journey to go on themselves. and vice versa. sure, we can support them if they need it but a relationship is not gonna fix you, especially if you have a lot of issues you need to work thru.

and i'm not saying that that's what is happening fully either. i have never once said colby is innocent and never does anything wrong. i get sick of his shit just as much as everyone else does. i've constantly said he hooks up a decent amount and is someone that doesn't want to commit.

but as i've mentioned countless times at this point: we do not know the full story. and that goes for both sides of the equation. both parties could be at fault, or it could be just one side. it could be a myriad of everything and then some that caused issues to form. no one knows for certain, especially us fans. and also, it's wrong to assume that every hook up he has had has ended poorly (not saying that's what you said, i'm just saying in general).

and as for my speculations about his past relationship, which again: are speculations, just bc he has been hurt in the past doesn't mean he gets to have a free-for-all or a get-out-of-jail-free card to possibly do the same thing back to ppl now. but the thing is, we don't even know if that's what's happening. bc personally, if colby was really burning bridges like that, hurting every hook-up he's had over the past couple years, i think there would be a lot more ppl talking about him. if i'm right in my assumptions, that he's going after girls that are already somewhat interested in him, there's nothing inherently wrong with that. why would you go after someone that doesn't want you at all? if his only reason for going after these girls was to hurt their feelings, then yeah, he would be a douche for that. but i highkey don't think that's the case.

but that doesn't mean he's innocent either: i know for a fact he fucked up when he was with iris back in 2019. bc clearly she believed they were in a relationship, and he wasn't on the same page as her. that was fucked up for him to do. i don't disagree with that whatsoever.

i would, however, like the make the briefest side note: while i agree that he definitely hooks up and definitely likes having sex, i think it's wrong for us to assume he's fucking all the time or fucks anything that moves. i think it's also wrong of us to assume that just bc he's following a girl randomly or is seen with a girl that the soul purpose of her being there is bc he plans to fuck her.

okay back to your ask.

so for him and stas, you're probably not gonna agree with me on this, and that's fine. but from what we have publicly seen with him and her, to me, he has never been flirty with her. what has he done that qualifies as flirty behavior towards her? he's literally called her his "good friend" and has removed comments that shipped the two of them together, which is something he has never done in the years of me being in this fandom for any of his girl friends. the only times he got close to her were with the aggressive hug during that livestream and dancing with her at that concert in vegas. both of those things, sure, i guess can be seen as flirty. but collectively he has done more things to prove his relationship with her is platonic than otherwise.

i mean, he was literally with six flags girl from june/july of last year until a little bit after coachella of this year. granted, he wasn't hanging out with her every day and they weren't exclusive, but he literally took this girl on a hangout sesh/date with sam, kat, abbey, AND STAS. and one of the times he was in vegas with the core four, he went out with amber to film a video where he was super flirty with her and legit made the joke about getting married for a video. plus, we all agree that he's a flirty person, that he flirts with everyone. i'm not saying that's a good thing, i'm just stating the obvious. all of this is public, fan info. so, stas most likely knows this as well.

this is what i believe happened: she fell for him, even tho she knew he wasn't interested in a) being in a relationship or b) her like that. but bc you can't help how you feel, she caught feelings for him regardless. are there things that probably happened behind the scenes? of course. i won't deny that. but even if he was doing a whole bunch of stuff privately, publicly he was going on dates/hangouts with another girl and was flirting with amber. and god knows who else he was probably hooking up with privately. so, he's never been exclusively flirting only with stas and then suddenly changed his tune.

she passed by every red flag and decided to be colorblind.

HOWEVER, that doesn't mean i don't feel bad for her. i do. i have been in her shoes so many times i've lost count. but do you know what's worst than falling for someone who is your best friend, who is someone you know you shouldn't have feelings for? falling for someone who pretends to reciprocate your feelings back. bc colby has outwardly been emotionally unavailable for years, and stas probably knows about his tendencies. he would be way more of dick if he pretended for her benefit to be into her.

and she has every right to talk about her rejection. make all the poems you want, idc. but that doesn't mean that her past actions are negated bc she's hurt now. she was shady and doing questionable shit long before she got rejected. and the reason ppl probably don't feel sorry for her as much as they maybe would have is bc this just feels like her stirring the pot once again. i don't think that's what she's doing, but i can't fault those that think that way.

if you take away anything from this, just know while i don't love stas, i don't wish her harm either. i want her to have a good life, and i hope that her heartache surpasses swiftly. i hope she finds someone that loves her back, i wish that for everyone truly. but just bc she's hurt doesn't mean i have to forget everything else. and colby has never been some innocent angel in my eyes. he fucks up quite often actually. and he has a decent amount of growing up and internal work left to do. but i don't see him as some super villain either.

i feel like this is a topic you and i are just gonna have to agree to disagree on, and that's a-okay.

[absurdthirst]

Hello! Just wanted to pop in and ask something, and before I continue yes ik your a stranger on the internet and ik your not a therapist. But right now I’m currently active military stationed overseas right now, and I’m the only female on station in my career field. The other day I was talking with the guys I work with about my life when I was little and I stated I never felt emotionally connected with my parents, and stated their “parenting” never really batting an eye at it. But once I looked at the group they were quiet with wide eyes and said their parents never treated them like that and asked if I was emotionally abused by my parents. I told them I never felt like I did but I guess looking back now I really was. My parents were always fighting and divorced several times but remarried to raise me and my older brother, by age 7 I had a full understanding of what divorce meant. Fast forward to my middle school years I was bullied in school and my parents did nothing about it and when I started to get into trouble because I would skip class to avoid said bullies they were so mad and my my father ended up spanking me for it. This is barely scratching the surface of what I grew up with sadly, after all that I became depressed and the only person I had a super deep connection with was my grandmother who passed in 2016. Ever since then I have been emotionally unavailable sometimes, I’ve tried dating as well but when it starts getting more serious or maybe moves too fast I panic and I dip out. I don’t feel like anyone would want someone so damaged, but deep in my heart I want to find someone that I truly and in love with and be a better parent than my own to my children. I know I should go to therapy but if I do it will show up on my military records and I might be removed from service. Sorry if it seems like I’m just unloading so much, I’ve just never had anyone to talk to about this and you’ve been so helpful to so many other people. I just need a little advice on where to go from here. But I hope your doing well and I hope you have a good rest of your day/night! ❤️❤️❤️

First off, thank you for your service and I hope you are having a nice holiday overseas. Hopefully the chow hall has put on a nice meal or you have friends you can have invite you over.

As for the main portion of your message, I am sorry that your parents were the prime example of what not to do. They should have stood up for you. I’d have been at that school in a fucking heartbeat if it had been my children.

Now as far as therapy is concerned, I don’t believe they will release for non-service related therapy. I have a friend whose husband is in therapy for his TBI and he’s still active and deployable.

What I would suggest is going to see your base chaplain. They would be an excellent source of information and can refer you in the right direction. My ex sought out the chaplain when we were looking for a marriage counselor (after I was done because I had begged him for years)

Whatever you decide, know that you are not alone and it doesn’t matter that you are a stranger on the internet, you are free to message me anytime.

[gloryofluv]

Order Up! (Coffee Shop AU) Chapter 10

Oh, Alex, you always find commonality in kindred spirits! The broken tend to look for each other, don't they? (picture brought you by my awesome brain fucking around with filter on a stock photo)

Previous Chapter

Alex was standing outside on her break on the phone and nearly growling as she stood by her car. Of all the frustrating, stupid fucking things. She rolled her neck. This was truly ridiculous. Routine. That’s all she wanted. Applicable routine!

The call came off hold. “Miss, I just spoke to the doctor. She said unless you schedule an appointment, we can’t refill your medication.”

“What do you mean? I’ve been taking these for years?” Alex snapped and shifted her hips. “Why? This is the first time I’ve had to come in. She knows how I feel about doctor’s offices. We’ve always done tele appointments when it’s needed.”

“Miss, I’m sorry, but you haven’t had a physical in several years, and our policies are changing. We have to be sure everything is working together well. I’m sure you’ve received your email or letter,” the receptionist told her.

“Ok, but I’m out of it this weekend. I have severe ADHD. It’s in my file. Can’t she fill it for just the weekend? I have tons of things to do, and I doubt you make evening appointments,” Alex breathed and rolled her neck. This wasn’t what she liked. She definitely didn’t like someone poking at her and saying what was wrong with her.

“We have an appointment available at three tomorrow if that’s late enough,” the receptionist declared.

“Do you have a Friday morning available?” Alex questioned while tightening her jaw.

“No, we have a two o’clock on Friday,” She responded.

“Okay, do you have a morning appointment tomorrow?” she asked while running her fingers on her driver’s door. Alex was bouncing on her feet and swishing her hips. She despised this.

“The earliest we have is ten o’clock.”

Alex breathed and rocked her head. “That works. Does she need me to fast so we can do blood work?”

“Yes, that would be best. She’ll want to do a full workup. We can schedule a pap at the time if you like.”

Alex grimaced and breathed. “Yes, fine. Whatever it takes not to have to come in for a while.”

“I understand completely, Miss. I don’t know anyone who likes clinical visits,” the receptionist giggled.

Alex smiled and rocked her head. “Okay, tomorrow at ten. Got it. Should I bring in my other medication?”

“Ah, yes, please. It will make the visit swifter.”

“Thank you so much. I apologize for my frustration,” Alex murmured.

“Of course, we shall see you tomorrow.”

Alex hung up and rolled her neck again. “I hate this. Ridiculous unneeded shit.”

“I never liked doctor visits myself.”

Alex pivoted and blushed. Diavolo was standing there smoking some sort of vaporizer. “Hello, Diavolo. How are you today?”

Daddy Diavolo was in a pinstripe suit and looking sharp. What? Dammit, Jordan and his wicked nicknames for people. Alex licked her lips and ran her thumb over her fingernails.

He puffed and smiled while the cloud left his lips. “I’m doing pretty well. Barbatos went to snag us drinks while we were in the area. Business prattle irritates me occasionally. I needed to see a friendly face.”

Alex relaxed against her car and smiled. “That’s great that you at least are getting a caffeine bump. I have a few more minutes on my break if you want to chat.”

He tilted his head and shifted on his frame. “Lucifer told me you were going to rent a room from him. I think that’s fabulous.”

The pillow talk between them must be oddly stiff. Oh, god. What the fuck was wrong with her today. Alex had to shake off the image and rubbed the side of her neck. “Yes, it makes sense. I’m going to buy Jordan’s family home for them. I’ll find someplace to rent after the sale. It’s all in the works. Thank you for the stellar recommendation for the agent.”

Diavolo took the device to his mouth as he smiled and the vapor poured from his nose. “You’re welcome, but it’s quite deserving. That’s quite intelligent and loyal. Oh, what did the ocean say to the beach?”

Alex’s smile grew. “What did it say?”

“Nothing,” Diavolo snorted and then smiled. “It just waved,” he chuckled and waved his free hand before sliding it in his pocket.

Alex giggled and shook her head. “That’s ridiculously good.”

Diavolo laughed and nodded. “I thought so too! How do you feel about traveling?”

Alex shrugged her shoulders. “I always wanted to, but I didn’t get the chance when my parents died.”

“I, unfortunately, can’t say the same,” Diavolo shook his head. “When my father died, I visited three different countries to meet the regional operators in a week. I didn’t go very many places when I was younger because he was always working or traveling for business. However, I understand his plight now. Sometimes I just want to be home.”

“I’m sorry about your father,” Alex nodded.

Diavolo smirked and stepped toward her. “I know how you feel about your medication. It’s funny how one little pill eases the worst symptoms, huh? Science. Who would have thought?” he laughed.

“Yeah,” Alex puffed and shook her head. “I’d be more of a mess without it. I think I do alright now, though my doctor keeps telling me I need to see a therapist.”

He gestured to her. “Do you suffer from insomnia as well? What about stimming?”

Alex laughed and nodded. “I often play with my apron at work. At home, I mess with my hair more. I have plenty of object blindness, so that kind of helps living with all my parents’ things.”

“Masking?” Diavolo questioned.

Alex rocked her head. “All the time. Jordan calls it my alter ego. He thinks it’s some sort of superpower that I perfected with his encouragement.”

“I have a selection of 8D music I’ll send you for focus,” Diavolo nodded. “If you have any recommendations, I’m open to seeing. I’m always trying to explore new avenues.”

“That’s the dopamine search,” Alex laughed and nodded.

Diavolo let out a stream of laughter and rocked his head. “Yes, it certainly is, isn’t it, Alex.”

Alex checked her phone and breathed. “I have to go back inside.”

Diavolo gasped and held up his finger. “Here, I’ve been meaning to give this to you.” He dug in his breast pocket and handed her a small pin of a red devil smirking. “I’ve noticed you wear them on your hat, and I quite like that. My contribution,” Diavolo nodded.

She beamed and pressed her fist to her chest as she held it. “Thank you, Diavolo.”

“I will be texting you later when we’ll schedule our little date for your dress if that’s alright. If you want, I can email you instead of for formality,” He said while tilting his head.

“Text is fine. I just hate talking on the phone,” Alex giggled.

“Me too,” Diavolo groaned and grinned.

Alex laughed and shrugged. “I suppose we all have our mountains to climb.”

“Indeed. Enjoy the rest of your day, Alex. You added a bit of pep in my step.”

“Same, thank you,” she beamed and bowed her head before walking toward the cafe.

Well, you learn something every day. Diavolo, CEO and superpower in the world had ADHD? Well, that explains the goofy persona. That actually made Alex feel ten times better. She passed Barbatos and waved. He nodded at her with a small smile, and she skipped behind the counter.

Jordan arched his eyebrow as she snatched up her apron. “What did Daddy want today?”

Alex glanced out at him, taking another puff before meeting Barbatos in the parking lot with a bouncy stride. “To chat,” she settled with as she washed her hand at the sink.

“Interesting,” Jordan hummed.

Alex pocketed the pin and nodded. “Completely.”

“And did Daddy give you something special?” Jordan teased with an arched eyebrow.

“Can you stop with this? It’s really screwing me up, J,” Alex puffed with red cheeks. “I swear it. I’m going to accidentally call him that, and then I’ll be fired for sure.”

“Or taken to dinner,” Jordan laughed and shook his head. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop, for now. When are you moving in with the crazy terrors of the seven plagues?”

“This weekend,” Alex expressed as she went to the pastry case and began organizing what was in there with tongs. “Hey, Jordan, I have a weird question.”

“Shoot, babe,” he said while changing out the coffee and brewing a fresh batch.

“Do you think it’s weird for me not to date?”

“Yes, hun, I do, but don’t listen to Asmo. He’s surface energy until you get to know him. Any progress with Mr. Black Coffee?” Jordan asked.

Alex exhaled and shook her head. “I recently found out he’s unavailable.”

“Oh, that is a pity,” Jordan scrunched his nose. “I was really rooting for that. He seemed so into you.”

She shrugged her shoulders and smiled over at him. “I wasn’t that invested in it.”

“How about Sugar-free Vanilla?” Jordan asked with an arched eyebrow.

“I shouldn’t engage in any sort of drinks that I’m going to be in proximity to anyway,” Alex voiced as she set out more scones in the case.

“I suppose,” Jordan laughed as he leaned on the counter. “Oh, looky here. Here comes trouble . Sin never looked so tasty. If that boy were ever into experimenting, I’d be there in a hot second for that meal.”

Alex glanced at the door to see Beelzebub climb out of his car and pull on his shirt while Belphegor and Mammon soon joined. They all threw on shirts, and Alex had to scowl at that. What the hell did they do that they were shirtless?

The trio walked into the cafe, sweat still beading on their faces. Alex moved to her register and beamed. “Hey, boys. What have you been up to?”

Beel grinned as he wiped his forehead with his arm. “Alex, we have something exciting to tell you.”

“Yeah, but let me!” Mammon puffed and rolled his neck. “Ya, see, it was my idea, so I get to tell ya how great I am!”

“Okay, I’m listening,” Alex nodded.

“We broke into your house and cleaned out your backyard,” Belphegor snorted.

Mammon growled and shoved him. “I wanted to tell her. Why ya gotta be such a dick?”

“Oops,” Belphie smirked.

“But we found something,” Beel added.

“Yeah, we did,” Mammon snapped. “I did. I found it.”

“And then you tried to pocket it for money,” Belphie rolled his eyes.

“I did not!” Mammon huffed.

“Okay, guys, calm down. What did you find as you did your weird B&E? I’m not going to even go into how many people would be asking for you to break in and do the same.” Alex laughed as she shifted on her feet.

Beel dug in his jeans and produced a necklace with wings in the shape of a heart and a topaz. It was delicate, small, and a little dirty. “Oh!” Alex gasped. “That was my grandma’s from when she was little. Where was it?”

“In a tin box in the shed. It looks like someone put it in there to do yard work,” Belphie shrugged.

Beel offered it to Alex, and she beamed. “Thanks, you guys. My mom used to garden and must have set it in there when she had to turn the soil.”

“So, uh, that’s like really important,” Mammon hummed as he fixed his glasses. “Which means we did ya good.”

“Yes,” Alex beamed and placed the necklace in her pants pocket.

“So, we’re gonna wait for you,” Mammon smirked as he crossed his arms over his chest in a lean.

She shrugged and leaned on the POS screen. “How about all of you get a refreshing drink, and I’ll be done in just over an hour.”

They all were nodding, and she imputed their orders. She enjoyed their little bickering back and forth before they sat down with food and drinks. Jordan approached and leaned on her shoulder. “Doesn’t hurt to have weird friends, does it?” He whispered.

“No, I’m starting to see that,” she beamed as she glanced at him.

“Babe, I’ll never leave you, but I just want you to be loved, okay? You deserve it. I did plenty of checking when I hung out with Leviathan. They’re good guys.”

“I see that,” she voiced. “Thank you for being my misfit brother, Jordan.”

“Of course, Alex. You’re my little sister. Always,” He chuckled and kissed her hat before walking back over to the espresso machines.

@rsmrymnt-tea@otome-scribbles

[actualbird]

nobody asked but here is every unraveled episode (as of may 2020) as how they’d be as a lover | a 2.5k word long post written in the style of an unraveled about unraveled and also love

Ah. Unraveled. Polygon’s golden boy of a video series where Brian David Gilbert is beckoned into a suit, lured into a blackbox studio, and is only granted escape after he has explained to three cameras whatever batshit video game adjacent thesis he has been cursed with this time. Unraveled is a wonderful video series, and we all love it.

But what if it could love us?

If you’ve ever asked this question to yourself, boy, do I have some content for you, because for the past 2 days, I’ve been working on this post where, for entirely too long, I explain to you how each Unraveled episode would be as a lover. And more importantly, which ones would be the best lovers.

Before I fall deep into this unhinged hole and take you down with me, I need to explain some things.

First: I want to make it clear that I am not categorizing BDG as he portrays himself in each Unraveled. I am instead taking each Unraveled episode as a fully formed being, the story, performance, etc, and letting that shape a character of its own. This character is where I extrapolate details from to create an Unraveled episode’s qualities as a lover. What I’m basically doing is anthropomorphizing Polygon dot com video content. And then making you date them. If this doesn’t make sense, don’t worry, it will as you read along. And if it helps you to visualize the Unraveled Episode As A Lover, I invite you to just imagine whomever it is you are most attracted to---or for those who don’t experience attraction, whomever it is you find most aesthetically pleasing---and then just add in the wild personality traits I describe through the course of this post.

Second: I know what you’re thinking. “Avian, the characteristics of what makes a good lover is subjective!” And I wholeheartedly agree. I’ve been through college, and I’ve witnessed my friends whom I love so dearly enter relationships with some of the most wack ass motherfuckers I’ve ever met. I know that people are into different things. But do I judge them for it? Well, kinda, yeah! Yes, what we want in a lover is subjective, but I’ve consumed a metric fuckton of romance media over the course of my life and am also in a wonderful relationship with my own girlfriend, and thus have my own personal idealized ranking for what makes a good lover. Feel free to disagree with my rankings of Unraveled Lovers, but also, I’m writing this post. I say this with as much love as I possibly can, but if you disagree with me, make your own post. If you don’t wanna make your own post, you’re just going to have to trust me for 2.1k more words.

With that out of the way, let me take you on a journey through the 23 Unraveled Lovers, from worst to best.

BAD TIER: I would probably advise you to break up with these Unraveled Lovers as soon as you are emotionally capable of doing so.

Hoo boy, we’re starting at the bottom. The perfectionists, the nitpickers, the emotionally unavailables. These Unraveled Lovers would have good intentions, but just have aspects within their personality that will wear you and your relationship together down until both of you can no longer take it.

“Ranking all 200+ Megaman robots” is a lover obsessed with the concept of “is this worth it?” They would unknowingly but inevitably rank parts of your own personality on a scale of ‘worth the trouble in this relationship’ and ‘not worth the trouble’. Any lover who deals with you with this kind of dichotomy is somebody you should not be with. You should be accepted and loved for all your parts, the beautiful and the ugly.

“How to make the perfect E3 press conference” is a lover who spent years consuming romance media and has a list of what makes the perfect relationship. So not only do they have unrealistic expectations for what a relationship is, but they will be obsessed with reaching that unreachable perfection. That will definitely put a strain on your relationship until the veneer of desired perfection crumbles away, leaving you both tired and sad.

On a less deep note, “How to tell apart all 596 Fire Emblem characters” just won’t remember any of the names of your friends or family. Sure, they’ll try, but they’ll give up in like 15 minutes and you’ll never be able to take this Unraveled Lover to a family reunion or a party with your friends. Probably not a dealbreaker, but as the Spice Girls said “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” This Unraveled Lover will not. Next.

“No one asked but I found Mortal Kombat’s best cuddler” and “I wasted 3 weeks of my life finding Castlevania’s hottest monster” are two Unraveled Lovers with a similar problem: they both won’t shut the fuck up about their exes. Mortal Kuddler constantly brings up all the other cuddles they’ve experienced and Castlevanias Hottest Monster will tell you you’re beautiful, but also bring up like 69 other monsters they think are also beautiful. This might not be a red flag, but personally, this would tire me out, always being thought of in comparison or contrast to others.

That ends the BAD TIER and brings us to the OKAY TIER where a large chunk of the Unraveled Lovers fall into, so much so that I had to create more specific sub tiers under the OKAY TIER.

So let’s get into the OKAY TIER: These Unraveleds Lovers are alright, you’ll just have a sublimely weird relationship.

These Unraveled Lovers will treat you right but they’re also just very peculiar. Nothing wrong with that at all, but I’m here to explain to you just in what ways these okayest lovers are bizarre. Let’s start with the first sub tier.

OKAY SUB TIER: College Students who are way too into their major

There are a lot of Unraveled Lovers under this subtier, and this shouldn’t surprise you, because Unraveleds are inherently nerdy. These are lovers that will be good to you but also just never fucking shut up about what it is they’re studying.

“I read all 337 books of Skyrim so that you don’t have to” and "Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story" are Creative Writing majors obsessed with analyzing every single thing they read. As a Creative Writing major myself, I would advise you to never date a Creative Writing major unless you are a Creative Writing major yourself. I think that’s the only way the relationship can be ethical. Being sent essays from the New Yorker every day would be torture if you didn’t actively enjoy it.

“We made all 78 Breath of Wild recipes in one day” is a Culinary Arts major and, score, they’re gonna wanna cook for you! A lot! Beware though, because it’ll be a hit or miss on whether or not the food will be good, but you must admit, that there is nothing quite as attractive as your lover making you food (let’s just hope the food doesn’t harm you).

“Smash Bros. owes millions of dollars in OSHA violations” is going to law school and that should be a dealbreaker in itself, but I’ll be a bit lenient because they’re always working towards the safety of everybody. This Unraveled Lover will always remind you to put your seatbelt on and also tell you exactly what laws you are violating.

“Bowser’s military hierarchy” is a Political Science major, and Political Science majors scare me. So I’ll just say they’re okay, and leave it at that.

“Which Dark Souls Boss is the best manager?” is a rare non-evil Management major because they actually truly care for the welfare of employees. They just will always talk about it, even when you guys are on a date. I know worker’s rights are important, but it’s not exactly what I want to talk about in between kisses, yknow?

“I fixed Fallout’s music by creating a totally new genre” is a Music major who keeps accidentally making Ska love songs to you. You didn’t know Ska love songs could be a thing. This Unraveled Lover makes it a thing.

“Scientifically Calculating the Game of the Year” is a Math major so you will never have to worry about calculating bills because they can do it for you.

“Calculate your pet’s HP with my 100% legitimate formula” is a Veterinary Medicine major so if you’re an animal lover, this Unraveled is the one for you! Just beware, because this Unraveled Lover will also spend a lot of time observing you from afar to quantify your health points, but both of you will inexplicably find this activity strengthens your relationship.

And last but not least for this sub tier, “When can Mario retire?” is a disillusioned Accounting and Finance major who chose this line of study to get a job and, through the years, realized what a hellscape capitalism is. You may have to deal with a lot of zoning out and staring off into the distance, with this Unraveled Lover, but a lover who hates capitalism sure is a good egg.

That brings us to our next sub tier!

OKAY SUB TIER: Cultists or Conspiracy Theorists (AKA...College Students who are way too into their extracurriculars)

These Unraveled Lovers are alright! They’re just a little bit off the shits.

“Every Sonic game is blasphemous” will get really really worked up about things and probably try to start a cult. For most, that’s a definite dealbreaker, but what makes Sonic Bible an okay lover is that they eventually calm down from the cult outburst and apologize. So this Unraveled Lover will treat you well, you just have to be ready to ground them when they get a little bit bonkers.

“Solving the Zelda Timeline in 15 minutes” is very similar to Sonic Bible, except instead of starting a cult, every once in a while they’ll just sit you down on a chair and explain to you their latest obsession while slowly and intensely stripping. Which, hey, that could make for a fun night, if you’re into that kinda stuff! Definitely okay in my book.

That brings us to our last okay sub tier.

OKAY SUB TIER: Your Unraveled Lover might need to schedule some sessions with a therapist, and that’s Okay

Listen, we all have baggage. We all have problems. These are Unraveled Lovers who want to be the best for you, but at the same time have issues of their own, and you’re going to have to support them when they pop into their local psych clinic to make themselves better people.

“Waluigi” is an Unraveled Lover who is going through some identity issues. They want to be good for you, but they don’t even know who exactly they are. They may feel as if they are tricking you into being in this relationship, that they aren’t who you think they are, and while these fears are irrational, they wholeheartedly believe it and will never feel fully secure in this relationship until they have made peace with themselves. If you love this Unraveled Lover, you’re going to have to stick with them as they learn more about who they are.

“Kirby” is an Unraveled Lover who, for some reason, is obsessed with the constant quest to make things make sense. This need of theirs bleeds into every aspect of their life and can definitely affect your relationship. This Unraveled Lover may sometimes perhaps cite that they don’t deserve you because they can’t seem to figure out a logical and objective answer for why you are with them. This issue of treating everything like a puzzle to solve is an issue they will have to work out and recover from, and they will be receptive to this process of recovery because they cherish the relationship they have with you and understand that not everything has to be solved; some things can just be felt. If you choose to stay with this Unraveled Lover, you must be prepared to support them when they take a mysterious but needed soul searching journey in the woods. You must be prepared to sit with them along the shores of the beach and reassure them that life is about living, not about answers.

And that, dear readers, ends the OKAY TIERs. Now it’s time for the tier you have all been waiting for.

Drumroll, please!

GOOD TIER: Pop open the champagne, bring out the strawberries dipped in chocolate, and let Spotify play Careless Whisper, baby, because we’re in the Ideal Lover zone.

Welcome to the Ideal Lover Zone. Here, we have three Unraveled Lovers who are just extremely good fellas.

“I used the Sims to perfect my apartment” is an Unraveled Lover who will work their hardest to be the best for you, but unlike the BAD TIER perfectionists, it will naturally dawn to them that perfection is unattainable. After this realization, they will find comfort and happiness in your romantic relationship and the other healthy relationships they have with other people. This Unraveled Lover will be sincere with you when the time calls for it, but will also not be afraid to be goofy for it. Above all, this Unraveled Lover will ask for help when they need it. They may often be shy, at first, but they understand their limits and will openly communicate to you when situations call for it. Communication is the bedrock of any good relationship, and this Unraveled Lover will never keep you guessing.

“The Perfect Pokerap” is similar to the Sims, in the sense that they will at first strive for perfection in the honeymoon phase of your relationship but then understand that that isn’t possible and then set more reasonable and realistic goals. What sets this Unraveled Lover out from the crowd though is just how much they cherish you. How devoted they are to you. The love you will feel in this relationship will be transcendental, and, even if you do break up, this Unraveled Lover will never forget you.

And finally. Who---according to me, a mildly delirious 21 year old rando on the internet---is the most ideal Unraveled Lover?

It’s “Find your Kojima name with my simple 11 page form.” Why? Because this Unraveled Lover wants to know you. They want to know everything about you, the parts you like and the parts you don’t like. This is a lover who will not shy away from any aspect of yourself, but instead, embrace you for who you are as a full fledged person.

They’ll also give you a whack ass pet name, and boy, isn’t that romantic?

Well, there you have it. All (as of May, 2020) of the Unraveled Episodes as 23 Unraveled Lovers. What did I learn from this endeavor? That romantic love is complicated, but if you’re into it, it is definitely worth the trials and tribulations.

...As long as I’m not dating the Castlevania Unraveled. Seriously, when we’re making out, I don’t wanna hear about how sexy the Hyena With Gun is. Learn how to read the room, dude.

(Thanks for reading.)

[mdrngrrrl]

TW: talk of SA

There’s something really insidious about sexual assault. I’m not talking about the violation itself, more of the after effects for its survivors. It follows you like a sentient, poisonous cloud afterward. It doesn’t matter if it has been ten minutes or ten years, that cloud will stretch its tendrils and spread its rot into every aspect of your life.

Mine happened in my childhood bedroom. Visiting home is bittersweet for me. I won't sleep over if I can avoid it. I should have listened to my mom about this person. But when you’re 16, you think you’re an adult and don’t need anyone’s advice. Fucking idiot. I let the person into my home, my private and only space in the world, and they hurt me in the worst way.

“Do you like it?”

“No, please stop.”

“Just relax, it’ll feel good in a minute.”

It didn’t. Those words bounce off the walls of that room even now, beige covering the colorful cry for help paint job people assumed was my teenage, rebellious angst. I still live in the same 20 mile radius of my hometown after my attempt at city living was cut short by suicidal tendencies. The person who hurt me lives on the west coast now. They seem happy. It makes me sick to know they are living a life full of adventure and love while I sit here still hyperventilating at the thought of their touch, feeling their hands when I’m with my partner. It isn’t his fault, but he has to deal with the consequences of your (my?) actions.

I stayed with my abuser for a few more months after that. No one makes good decisions when they’re a teenager. They kept sexually abusing me. They hit me once, too. Then, to no one’s surprise, they cheated on me and then tried to stay with me as friends with benefits. I wish I had said no. I begged them to stay with me because that’s what happens when you think abuse is love. They finally put me out of my misery a month later. I stopped allowing people to casually touch me after it happened. My family thought it was quirky and my friends weren’t touchy anyway. I put up a barrier to anyone who wanted to get close because I thought if I lowered it, I would relive the same trauma. It didn’t stop there, though. I wasn’t popular in high school, but word spread really quickly through my small circle of acquaintances. They were telling people about how I begged for it and how I sounded while in vulnerable situations. Pain and pleasure kind of do sound the same if you think about it. I didn’t respond to any questions and just waited for it to end. The only thing I did was try to ask people to stop saying their name around me.

“It’s just a name, get over it.”

I didn’t tell them what really happened. It’s easier to be a whore than a victim. Maybe I just didn’t want to believe it happened. I don’t know. I didn’t tell anyone until my therapist a few years later.

I still hate the intimate parts of relationships. It’s been ten years and I still flinch if someone leans in too fast. I start to feel sick after being touched for too long. Until my current partner, I sought out the love I thought I wanted. I went after people who were emotionally unavailable or people who made a hobby out of gaslighting. I had the same issues each time. I was given no respect because I chose to be with people incapable of giving any.

I still don’t know what healthy love looks like. I think I have it now, but these days I worry that I’m the one creating the unhealthy atmosphere. Am I gaslighting him? Am I emotionally manipulating him? I don’t know. He says I don’t, but I’ll never know. He’s great 90% of the time and that’s all you can ask for out of a person, I think. But even in that 10%, I see the same traits I sought out before.

[lubdubsworld]

So I opened the fic, stared at it for a solid 10 minute before reading it. The flashback and the present is so beautifully connected, it really felt like a scene being enacted in front of me and that's the beauty of Shyn's writing. She knows how to marry the emotion with the narrative. From Heejin's unhealthy coping mechanisms to her defending her sub gender to asserting her own individuality in the face of people who just view her as an object has been moulded as such real parts of her personality.

What really connected me this time was Jungkook's journey that went from 0-100, his grief, the ongoing turmoil of his emotions, his acceptence of what happened and will happen in the future if he travels the road laid out in front of him. Him finally moving on from Sooah and not referring to her to as his wife was a serious step up in the present context.

One of my personal favourite scenes is from their conversation in jail and Mina's nursery. I swear everything inside me fluttered and my eyes welled up.

Also Jungkook finally (FINALLYYYYY) defended Heejin in the face of humiliating and objectifying remarks. And that is such a glow up I WANT TO WHOOP WITH UNFILTERED JOY.

One of things that really struck me and was derived from Real experiences is that but about abusive relationships lending the aggrieved  to justify and rationalise the actions of the accused (look at me whipping out legal terms😭) it's something we see in over 95 percent of the relationships of all kinds and it saddens me how less women think of their own suffering when attaching it to a partner who caused it. Therapist Tae is literally my most favourite character in this entire saga I'm ngl. His maturity, understanding, the way he helped these 2 and wasn't afraid to call them out. Most of his dialogues are a gold mine of wisdom and I'm very curious to ask you how did you write his dialogues?

The gaps on the puzzle of this plot were duly filled wrt Heejin's pregnancy, her father, her mother, jungkook and Sooah's history. I personally shuddered at Heejin's rape and pregnancy story, the understanding of why she was so accepting of her marriage finally dawning on me. It was incredibly heartbreaking and something i wish nobody would go through. However, her strong sense of autonomy over her body and feelings of distaste when strangers leer on her versus her acceptence of what Jungkook did to her is something that messes up my mind.

But this question was answered when Therapist Tae told her that she's not broken but only trying to survive and she needs to only change her coping mechanism of diving headlong into unhealthy choices to prove that she's okay. THAT MADE SO MUCH SENSE!

Her longing for  emotional appeasement to counter someone's unavailability has been finally addressed and i feel so relieved 😩😩

Jungkook's journey is an uphill and downhill slope filled with talks of the past, apprehensions of the present. He felt caged and that scene where he talks to Sooah was a breakthrough. I felt liberated as a reader.

Also I have to mention that conversation in prison IT IS MY FAVOURITE SCENE, Laden with so many delicious emotions that have eaten me inside out as a reader.

We'll start with overwhelming, ulcer inducing guilt that Jungkook felt when he said he keeps fucking things up for Heejin, the truth about him being a terrible husband to her that was beyond the boundaries of abuse and violence to the raw real talk between them with everything laid out in the open.

I have so much more to tell you but I am afraid of not expressing my emotions in the correct way but tsot has touched my heart and i will always come back to it in good times and bad.

The part with Sooah's portrait still makes me cry and I've read the chapter 4 times and I'm a mess😭 how did you write it man?????

Also I know you said you cut a lot of scenes but will you ever post the ones that didn't make the cut? As snippets?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm still shaking from the chapter to be honest so I will answer specific questions for you :)

How did i write Taehyung?

Taehyung is just the sum total of all of life's lessons I have learned. Quotes I've stumbled across, epiphanies I've had when I stood under the shower and cried my heart out, comfort i found from a friend when I was too depressed to function, words whispered into my skin by my husband when life overwhelmed me too much. And of course a whole lot of research....and introspection .

How did i write this ?

With a lot of tears and a lot of breaks and a lot of staring at the mirror and wondering if it was way too real .

As for the cut scenes...

The work count of that is nearly 20k..... Its all over the place though....so I don't know.... :"(