#if my sister would respond to me about whether or not I can stay at her apartment that would be Lovely ahfkahfkak

[flufflecat]

omg I'm going to nycc

[ophelieverse]

please please please i need you to write something for my man Aegon I love how you write for him😭

➳♡before fire takes it all

Aegon II Targaryen x fem!reader

-summary:normally Aegon would ignore Helaena and her strange behavior but,since his wife Y/n got pregnant,he can’t help but think about the words his sister said the moment he announced the news.

-warnings:set in season 1,pre blood and cheese and luke death,teen pregnancy(both Aegon and reader are sixteen),talk about child death,Aegon being paranoid and keeping secrets,Helaena predictions,classic asoiaf warnings,reader can be of whatever house you want.

-thank you so much for the request and let me know what you guys think,send you all my love🩷

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

It hurts.

Love,Aegon thinks.

Love hurts.

His heart bursts,his heart explodes,his heart climbs down his throat and assaults his temples, squeezing and compressing them until his eyes darken,until it scars the tormented irises and pupils.

Loving too much is fatal.Or not?

Isn't that so?

Live well,live badly.Does he lives at all?

“I don't know”,his conscience responds.

Aegon would like to know,but he doesn’t know.He doesn’t even think he knows what the right way to live is anymore,he’s terrified that he doesn’t know what it means to live anymore.

How can he live?How?

How can he pretend that everything is alright?That everything,in the future,is going to be alright?

Normally Aegon wouldn’t think about these sort of things,he used to live day by day dictated by his own selfish desires.But since he had got married two years ago,something in him changed completely.He started to understand what it meant to love and live for someone else,to wake up every morning early to just watch her sleep so soundly next to him,to stay sober at every hour so that he could remember her kind words,her sweet face and calm voice.Wanting to be a different version,a better one,of himself only because she showed him that he deserved happiness and love like everyone else and in return he only wanted to give her the best he could.

But golden necklaces,earrings,beautiful flowers and the most expensive dresses could not fill the hole that was slowly opening under their feet,a hidden tragedy ready to swallow them whole and to break their hearts and souls forever.

Aegon wasn’t one to listen to his family,he longed for his mother love and his father attention,he despised his older half sister,made fun of his younger brothers and mostly ignored his other sister.Only this time,something happened,something made him look in Helaena direction for the first time and his ears had caught every single word that she had whispered to herself.

His wife,Lady Y/n,the most beautiful and kind woman,a innocent young girl with a heart too big for her body,was pregnant.It was true,what they said about expecting women,she was glowing like the most precious diamond and her happiness about becoming a mother,the mother of the lover of her life child,couldn’t be contained by her shiny eyes and big smile.

«The Maester said that signs suggest is going to be a boy.»Aegon had announced one day at the breakfast table.

His mother had smiled kindly and Aemond had nodded giving his shoulder a warm squeeze.It was still too early in the pregnancy to understand whether is was going to be boy or a girl,but still Aegon had hoped that the Maester was right.Having a son was a dream that he never dared to imagine or to say out loud until then,the living proof that he was going to be better than his father ever was for him.

Helaena was sitting next to him,quietly playing with a wooden butterfly,all lost in the secret gardens of her mind when she muttered something: «A son for a son.»without even understanding her own words.

As their mother and brother were talking,Aegon turned slightly toward her.Usually he wouldn’t pay attention to his sister and her strange behavior,he was disgusted by all of those insects that she so lovingly brought everywhere like some pet on a leash and he was so relieved when his father had betrothed him to Y/n instead that her.He wouldn’t even lister or look over her if in the past,her silent words of warning weren’t revealed to be the sour truth.Aemond had lost an eye just like she had said.Maybe if back then he had listened to her,he would have helped his brother and nothing would have happened.

«What does it mean?»Aegon had whispered to her confused.

Helaena wasn’t looking at him,her fingers gracefully tracing the toy«They only want the boy,not the girl.»she said as if she didn’t heard him,nodding to herself.

Aegon left the spoon that he was holding,a sensation of nausea was crawling up his stomach,his heart beating faster«The boy?My boy?Who wants him?»he asked.

His sister stayed quiet,every second felt like an agony for him.His mind became of stone and a part of his was laughing for the fact that he was actually really listening to her,to her crazy words and empty head.But still,something,maybe his father instinct that was already part of him,told him that what she was saying was another dark truth.

A boy and a girl,she had said.He was going to have both,twins.He couldn’t even imagine it,praying that they would take after their mother soft and gentle spirit but also his fierce nature.Y/n would have been delighted to know that they were about to have twice of the love,but what would she said if she knew that someone wanted their son?

«The rats.»Helaena answered then,her eyes bore holes in his as she turned to look at her older brother,shiny lilac flowers watered in fear and condolences.

It had been months since that conversation and Aegon couldn’t stop to think about it.Every night,as he watched Y/n sleep next to him while he so gently caressed her belly where two new lives were growing,he could still feel his sister horrified stare on him and her heavy words in his ears.

Y/n is talking to Aegon,while they were lying under the covers of their bed.Her head is on his chest,her hair smelled of flowers and peaches,her voice sleepy and always so tender as his hand was staying on her swollen stomach.She's talking to him about her day and he can't listen to her,he can't even see her behind his pale eyelashes that lower,behind his tired eyelids that are threatening to close tightly.

With the fingers of his free hand he massage them,the nail of his index finger finds a tear that was hidden there,at the corner of the right eye,and uprooting it,let it be dried out by air.

Aegon was exhausted.He had difficulty to sleep when every sound made him jump,every shadow in the corner gave him a heart attack.

He would like to stop thinking,he would like to find a way to turn off his mind,to blow up the candle that kept his brain from sleeping and this crazy thought makes him understand that he had become even more incredibly pathetic than he already was.

Aegon was terrorized.If he already ignored Helaena,now he was avoiding her like the plague in fear that she could say something else,or worse,talk about her thoughts to Y/n.

Y/n,his beautiful and sweet wife,already had so much to think about.Being eight months pregnant was taking a toll on her,even though she never stopped smiling,he could see that she was tired and that her body couldn’t bare it anymore.He couldn’t let her worry about something that his weird sister said to him,not when the Maester said that she needed peace,calmness and affection.And even if he hadn’t said that,how could Aegon tell her what was keeping him awake at night?

He set more and more knights to follow his wife around to make sure that nothing happened to her and his children,the Maester came to check on her at least once a day and when he wasn’t with her,his mother would keep her company in the solarium.He had personally hired people to hunt the rats of the Red Keep.Aegon so often dreamed of being just like the armors that Ser Arryk wears,cold, motionless,empty,that he has come to believe that it would be beautiful,it would be fulfilling,to be something without emotions and rest in a corner without light.

Aegon had still to meet his son,both of his children,after he had dreamed of him,of them,for so long.And yet already someone wanted to take his baby away from him.

The flashes of the veins on his forehead tingle and he clash,he crush himself,against an imaginary expanse of water that slaps his brain,crushes his lungs with long ivory tusks,disfigures his face.

Aegon was blocked.

He was stuck in some claustrophobic scribbled box,in a rusty bubble of his faulty soul,and he was afraid see beyond.But he could see the future,the one that Helaena had tried to warn him about.

He could see beyond and,the certainty is disconcerting,he clearly see that the worst nightmare of any human being,what wakes up men in the middle of the night and scares children with simple shadows,is the awareness of being chased:no one can ever escape from themselves,no one has ever escaped from destiny.

Not even him,especially him.

Because Aegon knew already,tasting it on the tip of his tongue,that what will happen is was going to be his fault.Certainly not because of Y/n.

«Am I boring you?»Y/n voice was tired but still sweet«Forgive me,my days are monotonous,predictable and highly boring.»she huffed,caressing his hand above her stomach.

Ever since she had started showing,her husband treated her like the finest and most delicate porcelain.All she could do during the day was read in their chambers,walk through the gardens and pray with the Queen.Not exactly a vivacious life,especially since Ser Arryk followed her every move.

She yawns,she apologizes,and Aegon finally slam the lumpy eyelashes and look at her.

Y/n is smiling,innocent,carrying his children and then his body moves by itself,he act instinctively, and get her closer to him.

A hand behind her nape,a strong and fast grip, almost stuttered,and Aegon feel her words on the palate,he eat them between his lips moving on her open mouth.He kiss her badly,and he hurt himself,he will hurt both of them,he kiss her following the dull rhythm of his ears,he kiss her and he pass the noise of his thoughts to her.

Aegon feels a hole in the center of his throat,a knot of cries,and this makes him sway and covers his eyes with torn red lightning here and there,it breaks his mind.Yet he keep kissing her.He have to kiss her.

Kissing Y/n scratches his soul,kissing her stirs up his fears and reminds him,in the pause of one of her breath,the so natural way in which pleasure and pain mix,get tangled,whenever pieces of skin graze and play with the tongues and crests of a fire.Fingertips caressing purple flames,white sheets reduced to blackened shreds,a plate of ice lying on the jigular.

Kissing Y/n now is like taking a sip of salt.Filling her mouth,having her under his palms,feeling the boiling heat of her cheeks against his nose and against his upper lip.

Y/n forces Aegon to give her every good part of himself,even those he thought were lost by now,and she does it with twisting tongues or with an annoying clash of teeth.All it takes is a simple touch and he’s willing to give her the world.She makes him wanting to be a better person and he so scared to fail her,that he wouldn’t be able to protect her and the most precious things that they created together.

«Aegon.»she whispered on his lips,eyes fluttered closed.

«I love you.»he said without thinking«I love you and our children.And I didn't think I could ever love,not this way.»he confessed,his voice trembling as his mouth was on hers again.

«I love you too.Are you alright sweetheart?»Y/n asked placing a hand on his warm cheek,she could read him like a open book but sometimes even her couldn’t understand him completely.

Aegon wished he could tell her all about what was going on in his mind.To share with her his deepest fears,to let her hold him and tell him that everything is going to be alright and that they will be safe and together for all of their lives.

But when she starts kissing him in a different way,like a helpless girl who would let herself do anything from him,when she starts kissing him with a teenage heat,a heat so in love and so lost, then he would like to do something else.

He would like to yell all the terrible words that Helaena told him,he would like to tug on her and burst her stupid and crazy soap bubbles in front of her eyes and he would like to do it just to remind her who he really was.To remind his sweet Y/n that so willingly loved,accepted and cherished him,that believed that with him nothing could touch her,that he was still a dragon and dragons are known to burn people.

Aegon doesn’t answer her,he just lets his forehead on hers with his eyes closed.

«You don’t have to worry.»Y/n murmured against his skin«You are not like your father and our children already know that,they love you just like I do.»she promised him,their hands interlaced on her belly.

He had voiced his concerns about fatherhood the moment she told him that she was with child,his child.Children now.And she had spent countless nights reassuring him that he was going to be a good father,a better one,unlike his.That he was going to be there for them,but now he knows that he can’t escape his own fate.His father shadow will forever be there to remind him that they are just the same:bound to fail their families.

“Stop it,please.Stop holding my heart so tight in your hands,that's enough.”Aegon thought.

It was in moments like these that Aegon remembered that Y/n was just a girl,a frightened sixteen years old who lives every second with her chest open,her heart too visible to anyone,too exposed.The feelings,the emotions,painted between her bright eyes and lips,make her an easy target,a sacrificial lamb,a too good person who can easily be stabbed in the back.

Her goodness and naivety makes her vulnerable and Aegon knows it,Gods,he knows it.

Because Y/n is not,in the slightest,capable of defending herself,she is not even able to understand the reality of the universe,she does not come to terms with the subtle and treacherous truths.She does not accept the existence of evil in the world,she does not accept the possibility that often what is considered good and right,is not really good,is not really right.

So how could Aegon get her away from the black that drips from his nails,scars,thoughts?Y/n thinks she knows how dark his soul is,she thinks she's got it,but he know she doesn’t.

It will never be like this.

«Aegon.»she calls for him again as soon as she realizes that his mind is wandering too far.

Y/n throws his name on his skin and he swallow the panic that warms his esophagus,which runs through his every rib,as he block her head in his hands,almost in a trap.

Aegon push her to lie on the mattress,make her collapse between the pillows almost as if he had beaten her in a duel,and he hovers on top of her relaxed body,carefully holding her stomach.

Y/n doesn't tremble.

He’s are literally assaulting her and she lets him do it,she agrees,she welcomes him between her legs,in her heart,in her mouth that moves a little away from his and then falls on his eyelids that are still closed.

Aegon wish he could tear his eyes out,blind himself with huge metal spikes.He doesn’t let anyone get so close to him,he’d never done it and now more than before he wished didn’t do it.Because now they would see it,they already saw it.It was evident,under the lights and everyone eyes that his legacy was about to be born and die all in once.

Even the rats will see it.If someone dared to direct their steps towards Aegon,if someone dared even raise their head towards him,they would see his pupils and find Y/n and their children in there.

At the center of all his thoughts,of all his hopes:the end of an entire life that has bent over itself in the hope of scraping together some more time and living it with them.

So what's wrong?What binds his eyelashes in a white spider web?Could Helaena be right or he was being paranoid again?She was right about the fact that Y/n was carrying twins,the Maester had confirmed it months ago,but could she be right about the rest?

Then he felt it,against his warm palm and his heart skip a beat.A little kick,yet strong and determined to be felt.

«Looks like someone woke up.»Y/n giggled,looking down at her body.

«I didn’t mean to wake them.I’m sorry.»is all that Aegon can whisper and he doesn’t even know what he’s really apologizing for.

Y/n listens to him and suddenly recognizes something in the tone of his voice.She relaxes her limbs under him even more,completely wipes away any trace of tension as if someone had just cut the thin threads that moved her body,and she sulks as she touches his lilac eyes that he still deny her,stubbornly.

«Why are you so sad?What happened?»she said,concern covering all her beautiful face.

It’s not what happened,but what could happen.

Aegon forced a smile on his lips«A bad dream.That's all.»he lies,shaking his head.

Thats what he prayed every night,that it was all a nightmare and that he would wake up soon.

Y/n rubs her fingertips on his eyelashes and he feel her lips lying against his cheekbone.She’s smiling.

«Don't worry.I just found the last sleep crumbs that were hiding from you and threw them away. They were the ones who held back the bad dream and now they are gone.»she explained to him,peppering sweet kisses on his face.

Aegon eyelids rise on their own and he clash with the flickering image of his wife looking at him and bringing to his face her index finger on which one of his eyelashes is placed,almost a crescent moon caught in the air and hovering towards the earth.

«Do you want to make a wish?My mother always told me to do it,but I have to admit that almost none of my wishes ever came true in this way. Maybe I was asking for impossible things,out of my reach.Same thing with the shooting stars.Do you want to try anyway?»Y/n was rumbling,now he remembered why she was friends with his sister.

Aegon leverage his elbows,without getting too far away from her and look at her strangely«What?»he asked confused.

His cheeks mottled red and it seems to him that the way she bites her lips is yet another punch against his anesthetized emotions.

«Forgive me,it's such a stupid thing.Please forget it.»and while she is saying it she moves her nail in the act of throwing away his wish that has taken on the common form of a pale eyelash.

Y/n gesture makes the eyelash roll down and it swirls over itself and chases the earth,chases its tail,forms several open circles into which he stick his dream,his nightmare,his hidden thought.

The eyelash is lost on the red carpet and Aegon don't see it anymore.

He look for Y/n gaze again as she pushes him back into kissing her.She asks him,clumsily,to let go of those silly words of hers.The words of a girl that was still too young and forced by her father to grow up too fast,a girl hat was still a child herself with all of her fantasies and fairytales.A child that will raise children soon.

Because Y/n was better than Aegon,she is,even if she doesn't know it,and she showed it to him so many times that he has now lost count of the occasions when he felt at fault.Occasions when he realized he don't deserve her.

Aegon prefer to ignore this reality of the facts,he prefer to put his lips on her collarbone and bite slowly,resume and rummaging through her fertile body,one hand in her hair and the other under her nightgown,and grab as much as much as she offers him.

And Y/n offers Aegon everything,always.

«No wish was ever fulfilled?No one?»the question comes out of his teeth before he can control it,it pours out as his mouth moves over her belly that he suddenly feel quiver.

She is laughing.All three of them are,he realizes as he start tracing with his fingers his children imaginary features on the skin of her stomach.

«Maybe two of them.»Y/n says,referring to the lives she created inside of her��But I found out that my wishes only come true when I look at myself in a puddle.»she laughs again with her mouth open and then moves her head into a pillow.

His fingertips tingle on contact with her skin and his stomach closes into a knot the moment he notice how the intimacy that his movements has turned into familiarity.Because that is what they were going to be soon,a family.

«When did you looked at yourself into a puddle?»Aegon suddenly asked,giggling a bit when another kick met his hand.

Y/n hand found its way into his messy silver locks«The day that my father had accompanied me here for our betrothal.»she tells him,a warm feeling in her chest at the memory.

«It was raining.»he said,he remembered perfectly the first time he saw her.

He remembered her father fussing all over her wet hair,trying to adjust her dress and to make her look presentable.But she was still the most beautiful and vulnerable creature that Aegon had aver seen.A little wet bird in a golden cage.

She nodded«Before entering the Keep i took a deep breath and,as I stared at my reflection into a puddle at my feet,I secretly wished that the husband i was going to have would love him as much as I love looking at the star.»she smiled lovingly down at him.

It came true.Aegon felt his heart exploding in his chest,he loved his wife more than anything in the world.It was so easy for him to love her,how could he not?The thought that she had to wish for something like that,for something that for him was like breathing made his eyes flutter with little tears.

Aegon moved an arm and he already knew that he will hold her hand,remaining palm to palm,as he already know that her fingers will chase his,that they will squeeze,gasps.Wrists banging against wrists,veins in contact.

The time of a whole life that slips away.

«I have never made a wish.»he confessed then.

He just took,he just wanted.

Oh Aegon,what a stupid mistake.

He stole the dreams of his future child,he had plundered entire experiences of the past,and yet he could have simply asked.With courtesy,with kindness.With a little humility.

What a stupid mistake.

«You must have had a really bad dream.»Y/n whispers in her voice broken by his caresses,and then leans and puts her forehead against his as he rise to look at her«But it’s never too late,you can still have your wish.»she reassured him.

No he couldn’t and maybe they should stop talking,stop wasting time.They both should just exchange their saliva and shut up.Pant,moan obscenely and stop everything else.Eliminate among them the layers of soul,the remnants of some childish hopes,and join like empty bags.

It would be better this way,Aegon recognize this too,just below the surface,just below the peel of his chest,at least admit with himself that it would be better that way.He should stop discovering her hips with words,with confessions,with Helaena confusing words,with half-truths:it's too risky.

He should just close himself and unite with her only the bodies,discover the consistency of the painless choices and stay there stationary,inside an empty and deep gap in which the arms and legs move frantically without ever finding anything to hold on to.

This was his life once,before her.

Aegon had endless possibilities of oblivion,between the broken lines of the light palms,he had everything a young,spoiled prince could ask for.

The simplicity of superficial human relationships flowed through the buttonholes of his fingers and he continued to be unhappy,stubbornly perpetuated his pursuit of unhappiness,but he didn't know it,and therefore he really wasn't.

Or maybe yes?Maybe a part of him knew that?Is that why his chest is burning now?Because now he was finally happy for the first time and he didn’t wanted it to end?

Because now Aegon has Y/n and he managed to create something pure and innocent and beautiful with her,giving them all of the good qualities he didn’t knew he possessed.

Y/n seems to listen to his every secret and fear,to feel his breathing change and become noisier,deeper.She place a hand on his abdomen, slowly,she traces with her fingertips first his palm and then also his wrist,then also the blue vein,and repeat his name,repeat his name,repeat his name again.

Aegon enchant himself in front of the movement of her mouth and listen to the ticking of her heart that stretches until it pulls a painful fist on his gums.

He’s an adult now,a husband and a father.He should behave as such and leave the butterflies to the kids and remember that him,in his stomach and belly,only have the worms of rotten apples.

This happens to those who never make a wish. Didn't he know that?

«I would kill for our family,even innocent people if this means keep the three of you safe.»Aegon suddenly said,voicing his thoughts out loud«Would you still love me after that?»the question is sour in his mouth.

Y/n opens her eyelids to the sound of his question,frantically slams her eyelashes,those eyelashes,and swallows with difficulty.The cheeks are even redder and the ears are also red,the eyes are shiny.Atoms of soul and innocence:they agglomerated together and formed her,a little girl composed of glass and cobwebs,bubbles and feathers.

The bravest Lady he had ever met.

«Of course I will love you.My heart is your for eternity.»she replies and doesn't hesitate for a moment«And I would do the same for us.»she added with a whisper.

Her love for him is equivalent to a black hole in which he could immerse himself and observe a boundless horizon of stars broken and stuck in an icy ground.

She loves him.

And she knows that Aegon loves her too.But right now he can't even answer her,to tell her that he’s sorry,that he’s scared,that he reciprocate her feelings with the same intensity or that maybe he reciprocate them in an even more desperate way than her,crazier.He wish he could tell her that he wished they had more time,that he wasn’t who he is,that he wished that they were born in a different place and had different lives to share forever.

Y/n face is beautiful,her forehead is smooth,no flickering lines to scar her tranquility,and the skin near her eyes is crumpled from the day they got married and started to live a life together.It's the restrained cries,the sleepless nights,the quarrels,the misunderstandings,the voracious kisses left on them like square pieces.

Y/n looks at him,her eyes are still shiny,and with her fingertips and palms she clings to his camisole.

Sh clings to him and Aegon doesn’t feel any weight,he doesn’t feel any pain,no discomfort.Then at least one thing shines certain and bright in his mind:she has become the very consistency of his body.She has entered his limbs,without him noticing,and she is so close to him,beyond the blood and the breaths,that her hand is now an extension of his,her chest is his,her back is his,her lips are his.

And they would be able to see it,all perfectly together in the faces of their children.

And it is not a mere matter of possession,just an arranged marriage to unite two houses,this is not the truth and it will never be.It is something ancestral,like being destined to meet her,being destined to belong to it,being destined to live there,despite time and space.

Aegon and Y/n were sitting on the opposite ends of a timeline,at two distant points in human life, so far away that they saw each other like blurred halos,and they wanted so much to find the other,they have desired it so much,so much,that they have decided to tilt the axes of existence,to hang on to them,and to reunite with an interweaving of hands.

They had bent their faces,touched their souls by ticking of nails,and nothing was the same again.What a stupid mistake they made,something that their innocent son will pay one day.

Aegon felt like he was on fire,his whole body was trembling and his heart ached in his chest«Y/n…I…I-»but what could he tell her?

He could push her away from him,go ahead and just do it,but on his bones he will still find her shape and her footprints.If he looked for her,looked for her in him,he would find that she was everywhere.

«Y/n,I’m…I’m really sorr-»he tried to choke out what he could.

«Do you know what I wanted when I first looked inside a puddle?»Y/n didn’t let him finish,instead she kept stroking his face lovingly to help him calm down.

Aegon doesn’t move and she puts her index finger against his right temple,light.He knew that,from where she was from,it usually rained during the end of the summer and that she loved playing outside with her siblings and mother.She was the one that taught Y/n to look inside poodles and to dance in the rain,something that she would teach her future children too.

«I wished I could see myself.I wanted it intensely,I really wanted it with all my strength,as I never wanted anything in life.»Y/n started to explain him.

All of her life was planned for her,from the moment she came to the world,by her father that only saw his daughter as piece of chess to move on the board in order to gain power.She didn’t even knew who she was if not Lady Y/n,a proper and polite young girl ready to marry in the royal house.But now she knew who she was,what she liked to eat,to read,what to do in her free time and it was all thanks to Aegon that had shown her how to be selfish for the first time and to live for herself.

«And I see myself now,I can see myself,but I'm not happy.Because I have a new wish,much more important:that you can see yourself in the same way I see you,the way our children already see you.Then yes,i would be happy.We would both be happy.»she told him,sincerely with a little smile on her beautiful face.

Y/n had plundered his last feelings,which were nothing more than bread crumbs left attached to the eaten crusts.If the world fell,the sun fell,all the snow,the hail,the rain and the lightning fell,even the rainbow.He will make fire pour from the sky,he will spill blood just to keep his family alive and safe besides him.

Aegon doesn’t say anything,he moves forward on top of her and kisses her one again.He has a wish now:time.The only thing he wanted was time,more time to see his children grow up and become beautiful people,time to spend with them and to teach them how the world works,to help them and hold their hands,to protect them when they were scared and to remains them that he will love them forever.More time with Y/n,to love and cherish her,to grow old with her,to make her smile and laugh at the most inappropriate times,to caress her sweet face at night as he watches her sleep.He just wanted more time,he deserved it.

«How about,the next time that rains,we go outside,just us.»Aegon murmurs on her lips«I have a wish to make.»he continued with a small smile.

And he prayed the gods,whoever could listen to him,that it would become true the moment Y/n giggled and nodded her head.He hoped but hope can do nothing against an already written destiny and then he will be ready to go to war.

[idkdudethisisntpermanent]

Keep Your Eyes on Me

tara carpenter x female reader

part i | part ii

summary: You’ve quickly become close with all of Tara’s friends, but her trust issues keep her at a distance from you. But maybe you're able to chip away at her defenses...

word count: 2.2k

————

"I don't get why no one else is suspicious of her!" Tara exclaims looking around at everyone with a frustrated expression. "Mindy? You're literally suspicious of every living thing. And Sam what the fuck, you don't let me leave the house unless I'm carrying a cross bow or something," she exaggerates rolling her eyes.

"Why are we speaking about me like I'm not here?" You whisper to Chad next to you while ripping your string cheese into strands. He laughs but so does everyone else, seems like your whisper wasn't as quiet as you thought.

Tara groans frustrated and heads up the stairs, leaving her friends and you in the living room in an awkward silence.

Sam was the first to break it, "She'll come around, it's just been hard on her you know? Trusting new people and all that fun stuff."

You give her a nod completely understanding the root of Tara's issues with you, it wasn't personal but that didn't mean her distrust in you didn't sting. Especially considering it's been four months since you met the group.

"I am curious though," you speak, "She's not wrong Mindy, you're sus of everyone. And Sam why do you trust me too?"

"Well you met my brother playing pickle ball," the twin speaks. "Pickle ball doesn't really strike me as a psychopathic killer activity," she laughs.

"Neither does string cheese. Can you imagine Ghostface stringing their cheese and eating it?" Sam adds with a laugh.

You don't know whether to be relieved or offended that your habits don't indicate you to be a killer. But you're grateful that the rest of the group clicked with you quickly after Chad introduced you to them.

The core four minus Tara sometimes wanted to smack the girl across the head for being so oblivious and blind to you. Before you met the group Chad being the yapper that he is, explained all that happened in the past year and a half, so you were fairly well equipped with knowledge on how to navigate a friendship with everyone.

Everyone also noticed how attentive you were to Tara especially.  You didn't know what it was but you immediately developed a soft spot for the girl when Chad told you all she went through. Meeting her for the first time you instinctively felt the need to protect her but that's been quite hard with her negative feelings towards you, but that doesn't mean you don't try.

————

Sam eventually goes up to Tara's room once everyone leaves and decides to put an end to this.  The younger Carpenter looks at her sister from her bed when the door is opened at a speed where its hinges could fly off.

"Jesus Sam, why are we trying to break my door."

"What the hell are you doing Tara?" Sam gets to the point ignoring the question.

"What are you talking about?"

"Y/n."

"Ughhhhhh!" She turns around face planting into her pillow with a groan, hating the topic of you.

"It's been four months and you haven't once given the poor girl the benefit of the doubt." The sister says softly. "I don't know why you're so keen on hating her, it's like you want her to be Ghostface just so you can prove a point."

Tara turns around to respond, clearly annoyed.  "Because it's so clear she doesn't have good intentions!  I don't get you either sis, you want me to be cautious of people, but it's a problem when its Y/n?"

Sam sighs moving to sit on the foot of the bed, "Tara, do you not see how much that girl cares about you?"

Tara is silent and looks down at her fiddling hands not knowing what to say.  She does know how much you care and she hates it.

All those times you would come over to her place with the excuse of "Mindy sent me to grab something" but you always stayed until Sam got home from work, just so she wouldn't have to be alone.

"Clearly you do realize how much she cares for you," Sam says taking notice of her sister's silence and demeanor.

Tara turns red recalling how you would always be attentive to the leg that Ghostface broke a year ago.  You would always position yourself so she'd have access to the railing of a staircase. Offer to drive her places that may have seemed like too lengthy of a walk. Straggle behind the group when you realized she couldn't walk as fast as the others. And even deprive yourself of any physical activities that the group was participating in, so Tara wouldn't feel alone when she sat out.

"The damn girl literally sits in the kitchen whenever your hungry ass wants to cook something so you'd feel safer!" Sam suddenly says. "Even I hadn't thought about how being in the kitchen may give you PTSD."

Tara hadn't either. But now that she knew the reason why you'd sit with her in the kitchen, she realized that she did feel much more comfortable with you in there then the times you weren't. After all she did have her attack take place in the kitchen. The brown eyed girl shrunk into her sweater in shame as she recalled how poorly she treated you that day.

You leave the group who were playing an intense round of charades in the living room and decide to join Tara who was alone in the kitchen.

"Hey what are you making?" You smile.

She ignores you and continues to get the seasoning out for the mac and cheese she was making herself.

"Why aren't you playing with everyone else?" Tara suddenly spoke.

"Just wanted to see what you were up to."

"Well you can leave now," she rolls her eyes.

"I'm good, I'll stay here."

"You do know that you aren't winning any points with me by trying to talk to me and forcing proximity right?" Tara says with attitude. "I still don't trust you and if your goal isn't to kill me, but just to get in my pants, then I'm so sorry if I ever made you believe that you had a chance with me." she finishes sarcastically feigning a genuine apology.

"Not my goal," you reply keeping it short. You knew the girl would not receive anything you say, so you got up from the seat you initially took at the island in the kitchen and went to the dining table which was a little further away. Tara thought that you left since she didn't hear any comments from you anymore and her pride was too high for her to turn around and check if you were still there. She couldn't control the frown that was making its way onto her face. That was until she heard you scrolling through TikToks at the table and suddenly felt a sense of relief that couldn't be explained.

She would continue to finish her mac and cheese and tried to hide her laugh from any funny TikTok sounds she heard from your phone. And tried her hardest to shutdown her curiosity whenever she heard your laugh. As soon as she finished making her bowl, she walked out of the kitchen not even glancing at you. She was too stubborn to realize that she hadn't once thought about her attack due to your presence in the kitchen.

Until now.

"That's why I trust her Tara," Sam reveals. "She notices things that I don't. I can't always be watching out for you. You need to have a bunch who have your back, and for that to happen you need to take a chance on people here and there."

"Just think about it. Just separate your idea of Y/n being Ghostface and the possibility that she can betray you. And ask yourself what kind of person is left standing in front you. And is that the type of person you want to take a chance on."

————

Two weeks have gone by since the group last saw each other, and since then you and Tara were able to do a lot of individual thinking. Today the group decided that they went too long without seeing each other and they all decided to go to bar in downtown Manhattan.

Everyone decided to meet at the Carpenter residence, and Tara hated to admit it, but she was excited to see you, but she also felt nervous at the thought of being around you.

You were the last to arrive, and you greeted all your friends with a smile. Tara was waiting with a smile for you to greet her like you always do, but it never happened.

You ignored her.

"Is everyone ready to go?" You say looking at everyone except Tara.

The shorter girl had to compose herself before anyone realized that she was bothered by your lack of acknowledgement. She didn't know how to feel, what in the world were you doing?

The group made their way to the subway in one piece, and the two Carpenter sisters were walking side by side while everyone else was a little ahead.

"What the fuck is Y/n doing?" Tara whisper yells to her sister.

"What do you mean?" Sam replies playing stupid.

"She's not even looking at me?" Tara admits, not caring at how childish she sounds. "Why isn't she paying attention to me?"

Sam laughs at what two weeks of not seeing you and some deep reflection has done to her sister. "I mean what do you expect, it's not fair for her to keep trying for someone who doesn't make the same effort. She's probably done trying." Despite her words, Sam didn't believe a thing she was saying, she wondered what the intentions behind your actions were, but the Carpenter knew it was nothing ill.

Tara makes a hmpf sound, and tries to act unbothered by her sister's words. But the idea of you not having your gaze on her worries her more than she would like to admit.

Meanwhile 20 paces in front the sisters you and the twins are having a interesting conversation of your own.

"I can't do this anymore!" You whine looking at Mindy.

"Girl, stand the fuck up, it's been 20 minutes since we left the house, can't you see that it's already working?"

Chad chimes in, "Honestly I agree with my sister for once, she'll be yours by the end of today."

"W-whoa I don't want her to be mine or anything," you blush. "She's gone through a lot, I just need her to tolerate me, you know?"

Mindy rolls her eyes but smiles, happy that Tara has someone patient like you in her life. "Yeah yeah Y/l/n, now walk faster, it's not like she can run and catch up."

Your jaw drops while Chad drops dead in laughter.

Everyone manages to get onto the same subway cart in one piece, and you realized how much harder it was going to be acting like you can't notice Tara in here. The subway was packed from one end to the other. And you just so happened to be standing next to the only available seat.

You glance at Tara only to see her already looking at you and you immediately look away. Trying to get Mindy's attention you some how try your best to mime to her that you want Tara to sit in the free seat. Though of course Mindy's horrible charade skills translate into real life and she ends up sitting in the seat herself.

You face palm at your friend, and gave up on trying to look out for Tara. But in that very moment you notice a man getting far too close to the girl than you would like. It was a crowded cart so proximity was a given, but this seemed deliberate on the stranger's part.

Acting without thinking, you shove the guy as casually as you can to the side, not realizing that it meant you are now face to face with Tara. Just as you were about to break and speak to her, the subway doors open at your stop.

Tara hated that the doors interrupted the words you were going to say to her, but was grateful that it got her attention off of you before you could notice the blush on her cheeks.

As everyone got off the subway, you find yourself straggling behind the group out of habit. Just as you attempt to quicken your pace, you feel a tug on your sleeve.

Tara looks up at you with her big eyes, and you don't know what to do. This is the first time the girl has looked at you without rolling her eyes or looking away immediately.

"I'm sorry," she mutters.

You didn't know what to say, and continue walking with her by your side, so you don't fall too far behind from your friends. "It's okay," you mutter back looking straight ahead. 

You don't blame the girl for her behaviours.  Her traumas manifested into something difficult and she was making an attempt to be better. That's all that mattered to you. And maybe you were just too weak for the girl that you would let anything slide, but you were fine with that too. 

Tara smiles at you, happy that you weren't giving her a hard time. Happy that you understood what those two words she just told you encapsulates.

Suddenly she grabs you by your arm and holds it as you walk side by side.

Startled by her touch you look at her.

She smiles up at you, "It's easier for you to keep your eyes on me this way. No need for secret glances."

next chapter

[teamatsumu]

kinktober 2023 -> day 27

hate sex - kuroo tetsuro x reader

word count: 2100

warnings: swearing, nsfw, reader is yaku’s sister, both of them are kinda assholes but not really lol

kinktober masterlist

Kuroo Tetsuro was a very talented individual. Because no one had the capacity to piss you off quite like he did.

You should’ve known the minute you walked into your biochem class that he would become the bane of your existence. You wished you had gotten some sort of warning when you chose your major. A sign. A whisper from the gods. Anything at all to stop you in your tracks. But no, you were here now, and you were stuck seeing him in class every time.

If only that was where it stopped. But then you discovered that he was on the college volleyball team with your brother Morisuke and apparently, they were thick as thieves. The nightmare just kept getting worse.

It’s not even that he was a jerk to you or he bullied you. You just thought he was too cocky and loud and the smirk he supported was stupid. Unfortunately, the moment he found out that you didn't like him, he made it his mission to annoy the crap out of you any chance he got.

He would make jokes about your height, or how uptight you were. He would call you dumb under his breath if you got something wrong in class, or would snicker when the teacher corrected you. He had a taunting lilt to his voice when he talked to you, like his mere words were making fun of you. It was embarrassing, and it stung a bit, but mostly it served to make you angry. Morisuke would always tell you to let it go. That Kuroo was a provocative and inflammatory person by nature, but at this point even his voice annoyed you.

“What kind of pleasure does this bring you?” You gritted out, refusing to look up at his stupid grin.

“It tingles me just right, sweets.” He replied.

“Ugh.” You made a disgusted face, giving him a look that hopefully communicated that.

“You are gross.” You responded, turning back to your book. “Now can you please leave? I have a quiz I need to study for.”

Kuroo hummed, as if contemplating your request. He leaned back in his chair, balancing it precariously on its two back legs. They squeaked in the silence of the library, making your cheek twitch.

“Nope.” He popped the ‘p’, running a hand through his already messy hair. “I’m waiting for Yaku, remember?”

“And he told you to meet him here?” You didn’t look up at him.

“No, I told him to meet me here.”

You glared at him. “To purposely annoy me? Is that it? Why can’t you just stay away from me?”

He scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself, sweets.”

You turn to him completely this time. “Then what is it, Kuroo? Why the hell are you obsessed with me? How pathetic are you?”

Kuroo stared at you incredulously. “Obsessed with you?”

He leaned forward until his face was inches from yours, eyes narrowed in anger. You nearly reeled back but held yourself in place.

“You’ve got some nerve. Thinking everything is about you. You think I give a single fuck about you? You’re just Yaku’s whiny little sister who thinks the world revolves around her. You’re not worth my time, or anyone else’s. Get your head out of the clouds or you’re going to end up taking a fall you won’t survive.”

You stared at him in shock, watching him gather his bag and water bottle before he stood up and hastily left. You stared at his retreating back, and felt anger burn through you as his words registered in your head.

You ignored the hot tears that stung your eyes.

…………………

The knock on your dorm room door startled you, and you stared at it warily. You contemplated whether you should open it or not. Maybe you could stay quiet and pretend no one was home. You weren't really in any mood to talk to people.

“I know you’re in there. The light is on.”

You nearly groaned, eyes squeezing shut. Anger boiled up in you again, and in a moment of impulse, you rushed to the door, opening it with more force than necessary.

“You've got some nerve.” Your voice shook in anger when you met his golden eyes. “Coming here after the shit you said to me today.”

Kuroo sighed, shoulders slumping. “I came to apologize for that.”

You laughed in disbelief. “What part, Kuroo? Me being whiny or me being pathetic?”

He scowled. “I didn't call you pathetic.”

“You’re getting hung up on the semantics now?!” You shrieked, stepping back to slam the door shut. Kuroo shot his foot out, blocking you from doing so.

“Excuse me? I’m not going to apologize for something I didn't even say!” He stepped inside the room, shutting it behind him so your voices didn't carry into the halls. “In fact, I specifically remember you were the one who called me pathetic. Which you still haven’t apologised for, by the way.”

“Oh my god, I hate you!” You screamed, feeling your face get hot because of how angry you were.

“Trust me, the feeling is mutual!” Kuroo screamed back, stepping forward until he was right in your face. You stiffened at how he was towering over you, his chest heaving and breaths coming heavy and quick. His teeth were clenched, making his jaw tick. Your eyes tracked the movement. You watched a small droplet of sweat run down the side of his face.

You stepped forward until your lips met his.

Kuroo jerked back, looking at you with wide eyes, mouth dropped open in shock. You stared at each other for a few moments, completely silent. Then, the dam broke.

Kuroo grabbed the sides of your face, sealing your lips together in a searing kiss. You moaned into his mouth, giving him the opening to slide his tongue over yours. You backed up until your legs hit your bed, falling back and Kuroo following you down, not breaking the kiss. Your limbs tangled together in a flurry, attempting to rip each other’s clothes off as quickly as you could.

“Can you hurry?” You broke the kiss, glaring at him as you tugged his shirt off.

“Can you shut the fuck up?” He bit back, pulling your sweatpants off your legs.

His lips met yours in the next moment, effectively silencing you except the little moans leaving your lips. His bare body felt heavenly against yours, and for the first time you thanked the lords that he was an athlete.

He broke the kiss again, making his way down your body with his lips. He bit at your right breast, making your breath stutter.

“Of course you would like that.” He chuckled.

“Shut the fuck up, Kuroo. Don’t ruin this-” You dissolved into a moan when he licked over your nipple, biting at it slightly before sucking. You sighed at the feeling.

His hand groped at your other breast, hips grinding down. His crotch pressed between your legs, and the pressure made you whine.

“Hurry up.” You pushed at his boxers, trying to tug them down.

“Say please~” Kuroo smirked up at you. You nearly slapped him.

“Over my dead body.”

Kuroo sighed and lifted himself off your body. He slid off you slightly, making to stand up. “Well, in that case-”

“No!” You sat up, biting your lip, staring at him. You groaned. “God, I hate you.”

Kuroo chuckled. You gasped when his fingers brushed over your clothed core, before hooking a finger into your panties and pulling them off you. His fingertips dipped into your slit. Your breath stuttered.

“Kuroo.” You stared at him, his eyes dark and pupils dilated. His lips parted, tongue peaking out just a little to run over them. His fingers continued their feather-light touch.

“Please,” you gave in.

“Please what, baby?” You whined at the nickname, feeling your core pulse. God, his voice was so husky. You stared at his lips, eyes wandering to his shoulders, his pecs, his abs, to the bulge in his underwear that was hinting at how big he probably was.

“Touch me, Tetsuro.” You whispered. “Please. Touch me, fuck me. You want me to shut the fuck up? Make it happen, then.”

He was on you the next moment, teeth digging into your skin and fingers burying themselves deep in your pussy. You yelped and moaned, spreading your legs more so he could hit deeper. His fingers were so long and delicious, reaching your spot and rubbing against it just right. Within seconds, he had you seeing stars.

“You’re such a brat.” Kuroo bit out, fingers picking up speed instantly. You could barely breathe. Your body jolted under his movements. He was being so rough. “A spoiled little princess. Greedy girl. You’re even letting me fuck you just so you can get off.”

You cried at Kuroo’s words. Fuck. Why was this turning you on so much? You clenched around his fingers, and were met with the sight of his infamous smirk, except this time, it was so much hotter than any time you had seen it before. Kuroo looked like he was enjoying the crap out of this.

“Oh, you love this, don’t you?” He goaded you, curling his fingers until your back was arching off the bed. “Such a slut. What, you got a humiliation kink or something?”

“I’m gonna cum.” You choked out, tears swimming in your vision as your toes curled.

You should've known. This was Kuroo Tetsuro you were with. There’s no way he would let you have anything good. You nearly wailed when he pulled his fingers out, soaking wet with your juices.

“Kuroo!” You cried, tears spilling down your cheeks. “Don’t- why?!”

You didn’t even care that he was witnessing you break down over this. You were just about to have what could have been the most intense orgasm of your life and he denied you it.

“You fucking asshole-”

He shushed you, leaning over and shifting slightly. Something hard prodded at your entrance, before sinking into you in one fluid motion. Your mouth dropped open at the feeling, jaw going slack. He was big, long and oh so hard, and he grazed all the right spots as he slid into you.

Kuroo wiped the tears that soaked your cheeks, brushing his nose against yours in a manner that was almost affectionate. You stared up at him, still dizzy from your almost orgasm a few moments ago. His eyes held a glint that told you tonight was going to be brutal in the best way possible.

And you were right. Kuroo fucked you through three orgasms before he even slowed his pace. You were left a blabbering, bumbling mess by the time his hips stuttered and he emptied himself inside you, warm cum washing over your walls, pushing you through one more orgasm as his unrelenting fingers rubbed at your abused, swollen clit. He didn’t care when you whined at him to stop. He was merciless throughout. It was rough and hot and it made you see stars.

You didn’t even register when his body left yours, or when he came back and ran a washcloth over the mess between your legs. You turned on your side, back sore from all the arching. You were still out of breath as he tugged on his clothes, watching him fix his hair. Well, as fixed as his messy hair could get. Aside from the sweat on his face and his slightly heavy breathing, he seemed unfazed. You would think he was out for a run, not rearranging your guts.

You didn’t realize he was staring at you until a few moments later, when he leaned over to brush your hair off your face. His signature smirk spread over his lips.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. You’re the best sex I’ve ever had too.”

You scowled as he straightened up, making his way to the door. “What the hell do you mean ‘too’?

He didn’t answer, humming happily to himself as he tugged his shoes on.

“You aren’t the best sex I’ve ever had.” You sat up, feeling your face turn red. He gave you a look that was so smug it made you stiffen in embarrassment. You knew he didn’t believe a word you just said. You also knew that Kuroo’s already humongous ego was about to shoot through the fucking roof.

“You’re not.” You mumbled. Kuroo pulled the door open, still supporting the insufferable smirk on his face, giving you a teasing wink.

“You’re not, Kuroo!” You called behind him as the door clicked shut. Sighing, you flopped back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling and ruminating on everything that had just happened.

Fuck.

Taglist:

@bxbyyyjocelyn @thisbicc @lazuliquartz @dreamayy @kuroosluthoe @true-form-hoe @akumakitsune21 @cham0mil3-and-h0n3y @samisfunky @universal-s1ut @msbyomimi @dohwaesu @leothesquishy @n0tmykays @tsukiran @reyofsunshinelol @bleach-your-panties @galaneiaeris @leyra-giovanni @erenspersonalwh0re @peachesncats @soapsoftheworld @iwannabecamiloshovel @vintagevict0ria @smithieandy @moonlit-mizukage @snazzyturtles @argwein

A/N: For those whose tags arent working, im sorry! I tried and for some reason, your names wont show up in the mentions :( another way of being notified is to turn on my blog notifs for @teamatsumufics . I only reblog my fics there so it serves almost like being in a taglist!

[ctrllhyuck]

no hitter

genre/tags ✮⋆˙ enemies to lovers, college au, kim seungmin x fem!reader

word count ✮⋆˙ 2.6k

NOT PROOREAD

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔ 　　　 　　 　

you first met seungmin at the park by your elementary school, you were playing with lia, your best friend, when out of no where some kids pushes you over.

“hey! you knocked me over, you’re supposed to say sorry.”

“i didn’t knock you over, you were in the way so i nudged you. you should be the one apologizing to me.”

“that’s not how it works! i was sitting here playing with the sand and you pushed me instead of saying excuse me. don’t you have manners?”

“i feel like i’m just wasting my time here. next time, watch where you sit princess.”

from that day on seungmin relentlessly tormented you. whether it was pulling pranks on you, starting rumors about you, and even going as far as accusing you of cheating on an exam. that’s why you had always said you hated him. at the start of your freshman year you decided to solely focus on your studies. you were never the type of person to go out to clubs or parties like your friends. you always preferred to stay in your dorm studying, watching a show or napping. seungmin on the other hand gained quite the popularity. even if you wanted to you couldn’t deny it, seungmin was handsome. you thought it was a waste that such a mean person had such an angelic face. seungmin had always excelled at baseball. he had quite the throw, which landed him a starting position on the university’s team. you two had mutual friends which made avoiding him 24/7 a difficult task for you.

“dude, please put the books down for one day. i’m literally begging you, i’ll get on my knees if i have to,” han jisung asked as he pulled on your backpack strap. han was one of the first friends you made at the beginning of freshman year. the poor boy stumbled into the women’s restroom as you and lia were walking out and the rest was history.

“han you know i don’t like going out, especially when i know seungmins gonna be there,” you responded to the boy as you sipped your iced coffee. to your left, lia scoffed.

“you know, i think you and seungmin might have a little enemies to lovers story going on,” the brunette said as she eyed your face, carefully scanning it until she found that slight flush of pink on your cheeks. you had practically known lia all your life, she was like the sister you never had. she was able to read you perfectly in any situation. a few weeks ago she had caught you staring at seungmin during a class you three shared together. when you noticed she had caught you, you let out a nervous laugh and that little flush of pink appeared. from that moment the gears in her head starting turning and she came to the only logical conclusion: you had a crush on seungmin.

renjun, your lab partner turned best friend, spoke up, “that’s actually impossible, she hates his guts.”

“okay can we get back to the real issue here, getting our lovely yn to come bowling with us,” han squeaked in an exasperated tone. the poor boy just wanted you to come out of your dorm for once and live a little. they knew parties were completely out of your comfort zone and would never force you to attend these events. but bowling? who doesn’t love a good round of bowling. the rest of the baseball team was going too, and they were actually quite fond of you since you would attend their practices sometimes.

“okay, i’ll go. but as soon as seungmin says something or does something to make me uncomfortable, can one of you take me home?,” you asked your friends as they all looked at you wide eyed. safe to say you were met with never ending “yes’s” from all three of your friends.

the night you were going bowling finally arrived. you were actually dreading it ever since you had accepted the invitation. you were unsure of what was an appropriate outfit for this outing since you lived in baggy jeans and over sized sweaters. lia had offered to come and style you (perks of having a fashion major best friend). after many no’s you two had finally decided on a denim skirt and a cute sweater.

“you’ll definitely catch seungmins attention tonight,” lia said as she spun you around in front of your mirror. you couldn’t help but wonder if seungmin had ever called you pretty in his head.

you were sitting in the passenger seat of han’s car while lia and renjun sang their heart out to sabrina carpenter. as you guys pulled up to the bowling alley you saw the rest of the team (and their respective girlfriends) standing outside. as your group walked towards the entrance you saw him. the man you “hated” the most, the person you would always avoid on campus, kim seungmin. you couldn’t help but admire his face. he was just so handsome? dreamy? you couldn’t find a word to describe him. as he turned around to greet han, his eyes caught yours. you don’t know if your crazy, but you could’ve sworn seungmin gave you a small smile as you made eye contact. the night was progressing as you made casual chit chat with some of the other guys on the team. seungmin had yet to come up to you to say a smart ass comment or make fun of you.

without anyone noticing, you slipped away from the group. you wanted to get some fresh air as the closed space had started to make you feel anxious. the cool air hit your face as soon as the doors opened, maybe the skirt wasn’t a good idea. you looked up at the sky and noticed there was a full moon, you quickly took out your phone to snap a picture of it. as you were angling your phone you heard a voice creeping up behind you.

“pretty isn’t it.” that voice alone made your stomach do flips. you knew exactly who it was.

“um, yeah, i was trying to get a picture for my story,” you responded practically tripping over your own words. the boy behind you laughed. oh how you loved his laugh.

“still get nervous around me huh,” seungmin asked as he started into your eyes, his smile never faltered. he was just so hypnotizing. you couldn’t help but feel drawn in.

“i- i don’t know what your talking about seungmin. if you don’t mind, i came out here alone for a reason.” it was as if something had snapped you back into reality. this is kim seungmin, the boy who always found the way to make you feel so little.

“cmon yn, it’s pretty obvious that you like me. everyone on the team knows it. why do you keep acting like you hate me.” seungmin kept inching towards you, every step he took invading your personal bubble. but, why didn’t you move? it’s like you wanted him there. he stopped when he was a few centimeters away from your face, your breaths mixing together. he started leaning in, and you didn’t pull away. you wanted that kiss. you wanted it more than anything.

then you heard it. the little giggles coming from behind the cars. you turned your head in the direction of the laughs, and you saw multiple phones pointing at you and seungmin. they were recording you. this was all a cruel joke planned by seungmin and his stupid friends. you felt the tears starting to pool in your eyes. how could you let your guard down so easily?

“no way you really thought seungmin was gonna kiss you,” a voice from behind you said. you knew that voice perfectly. it belonged to karina, seungmins former girlfriend. she was mocking you. every single one of them was making fun of you. you wanted the ground to swallow you. you felt your anxiety begin to bubble up. you needed to find one of your friends. you needed to be away from seungmin. you tried so hard not to cry but the feeling of humiliation was just too much. as you began sobbing you saw han walk out of the bowling alley, he had been looking for you. as soon as he saw the state you were in and everyone just standing around you he began to push seungmin and ask what the fuck was wrong with him. you weren’t sure if you purposely blocked everything that happened after out of your mind or if you blacked out. all you remember is lia helping you put your pjs on and tucking you into bed.

after the incident at the bowling alley you didn’t want to show your face on campus. you were sure the video they had taken of you and seungmin was posted all over social media. lia and renjun had assured you that it wasn’t posted anywhere, but they couldn’t tell you everyone had been sharing it thru texts.

“so are you coming to the baseball game? it’s the final, it would mean a lot if you came,” han was basically pleading with you. you felt conflicted. you wanted to go support your friend but you also didn’t want to see seungmin or the other idiots that helped him with his scheme. with a half smile you tell han you’ll try to make it.

it’s saturday night, the game is starting in 30 minutes. that’s exactly how long the bus ride to the stadium is from your dorm. after a lot of pep talks to yourself, you realized you couldn’t hide forever. you were going to have to move on from what happened that night. you knew it wasn’t the end of the world but your anxiety had made you feel much worse. you arrived at the stadium after the first pitch was thrown. you were quickly able to find lia & renjun in the sea of people. they greeted you with hugs and forehead kisses (courtesy of lia). you hadn’t been to a game since the season started so you were kind of lost to what was going on. by the middle of the 9th inning your university was up by 3. it was a small lead but they were so close to victory. three strikes was all that was needed for your uni to win the championship. you hate to say it but seungmin had been pitching amazing as usual. as he pitched the first ball you saw his face contort. you realized something wasn’t right. you saw him wince in pain and he hit the ground. he was holding onto his right hand as he was yelling things you couldn’t make out. after a few minutes you saw the coach and medical staff escorting seungmin off the field. then the announcement came, seungmin was hurt and they were switching pitchers. your chest felt heavy. you were able to see the tears in seungmins eyes. all you wanted to do was go down there with him and hug him. but you couldn’t, not after what he had done to you. after seungmin was replaced everyone could tell the new pitcher had no idea what he was doing. the game quickly ended with a grand slam from the opposing team. the final score 4-3. they had lost the championship.

you knew you shouldn’t be doing this. you should be with lia and renjun comforting han. but you couldn’t stop yourself. at first you were walking towards the locker rooms, but now you were full on sprinting. you had to find seungmin. you just felt like he needed someone and you wanted that someone to be you. as you neared the locker room you slowed down a bit to catch your breath. then you heard it. low sobs coming from inside the locker room. you carefully pushed the door open and that’s when you spotted him. seungmin was sitting on the ground, head buried in his hands as if he was trying to hide away from the world around him. you carefully approached him and sat next to him.

“seungmin.”

the boy looked up and his eyes widened in surprise. you were the last person he expected to see.

“go away. your not even supposed to be in here.”

“i know, but .. i wanted to check on you.”

you heard a scoff coming from him as he spoke, “check on me? oh please i don’t need your pity.”

“it’s not pity seungmin. you’re hurt and i wanted to check on you. i was worried.” did you actually mean what you were saying? why would you worry about seungmin? especially after how he treated you.

“this stupid injury cost the whole team the championship. it’s my fault we lost.”

“you didn’t know you were gonna get injured, i’m sure no one is blaming you min,” you stopped as soon as you said it. you called him by his nickname. a nickname you were never worthy of, or so you thought. you noticed a slight blush appear on his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

“only my friends call me min.”

“yeah i know, i’m sorry.” there was a long pause. it seemed like both of you were scared to speak. scared of saying the wrong thing. scared of hurting each other. seungmin was the one who broke the silence.

“i’m sorry,” you never thought you’d hear those words coming out of his mouth. “i’m sorry for what happened at the bowling alley. i know it’s hard to believe but i didn’t want to do it. it was karina’s idea.” he took your silence as a sign to continue. “she’s always been jealous of you. she heard something from one of the guys a few days back and she got mad. she really should’ve been upset with me, not you.”

“what did she hear? was it something about me,” you asked nervously unsure of what response you could get.

“yes and no. it’s something i said,” he paused and you looked over at him. his face was completely red. “this is hard for me please bear with me,” he said pleading with you.

“seungmin, i won’t be here forever,” you mustered to him as you stood up. seungmin was quick on his feet.

“wait, please.” his figure towering over you, but he couldn’t meet your eyes. “i told jeno that i- fuck this is hard,” you heard him gulp. “i told jeno that i liked you. that i’ve always liked you and that i’ve only ever picked on you because i wanted your attention.”

your mouth was agape. seungmin, the boy who you’ve had a crush on since that fateful day on the playground, was confessing to you. you were in shock. seungmin was trying to read your face but he couldn’t.

“please say something. reject me, slap me, kiss me whatever just please. i know i messed up big time but i can’t stand the idea of me losing you, please yn i-“ you cut him off with a gentle kiss on the lips. it was like you had always pictured it. his lips were soft and he immediately melted into your touch. it’s like your lips were molded to fit each other perfectly. you pulled away when you were both out of breath.

“seungmin i’ve always liked you.” you saw his face turn a bright red shade. you kissed the tip of his nose.

“i promise i won’t hurt you ever again. please stay by my side.” you could see in his face that he was sincere. you realized how in love you were with him.

“lia was right, we did have en enemies to lovers story going on,” you giggled as you saw seungmins puzzled expression.

this was just the start of your new chapter with seungmin. a new chapter in a story that you never wanted to end.

[seeingivy]

befriend your landlord 

roommate eren x f!reader

you and eren reconcile after meeting your eccentric landlord

**find the series masterlist here

content: drinking, certified nut job landlord kenny ackerman, mentions of thanksgiving and fascism, mentions of a little meow meow 

an: I do not subscribe to canon lonely levi he actually just has a very alive mother and a weirdo freak uncle bc I said so. buckle in girlfriends!!! (and boyfriends and all the friends) also this chapter is based on a very real thing that happened to one of my friends in college I just think its funny...also ive evolved from calling this a mini-series cuz I plotted way too much and now cuz we gotta build the trust yk they are VERY MUCH IDIOTS IN LOVE

previous part linked here

- 

“So we can’t drive because…” 

“He likes to drink. Like, an insane amount.” 

“What does that have to do with us?” 

You and Eren were currently swinging your feet on the green bench, the train station bustling in front of you. The two of you were riding into the city to meet with your landlord today. Kenny Ackerman. You were officially being added to the lease. But apparently, it was a bigger ordeal than just signing the papers. 

You’d thought against it originally. Signing a very legal, very binding agreement to live with Eren, to stay with him for the foreseeable future. It didn’t seem like the best idea, given how the two of you were as of late. Awkward, distant, aimless. 

If you had things your way, you would have been moving out, you would have never even been his roommate in the first place. You had even tried apartment hunting again, just to get away from Eren. For good. 

The second you tried, you immediately remembered the reason you had to live with Eren in the first place. The options were hardly to die over. Hole in the wall, bathtub for a bed, your old physics professor.

You were stuck with Eren, whether you liked it or not. And that meant you had to go, convince Kenny Ackerman you were ‘worthy of living in the apartment’ (Eren’s words, not yours), and then sign the lease. 

Eren had been coaching you for a better part of the morning, this conversation being the longest the two of you had talked in the past few weeks. 

Some part of talking to him was becoming easier. The two of you weren’t exactly having the conversations you had before, but it was civil. Nice even. It was the only reason you were able to stomach this entire thing.

“I would never drive you home drunk, Y/N.” 

“I could have driven us home.” 

“Trust me. He can be very convincing.” 

Eren had been coaching you on everything you needed to know about Kenny. Don’t call him Mr. Ackerman, he will hate you. If Kuchel, his sister, is there then make sure that you call her Mrs. Ackerman. Don’t call her Kuchel until she tells you to call her Kuchel. The sooner she says that, the better. Make sure to drink anything he offers you, the pink lemonade smells bad but it’s not too horrible. If his nephew is there, don’t make eye contact unless he makes it with you first. 

He was somehow more nervous introducing you to his landlord (and his landlord’s family??) than introducing you to his own parents. Granted, they kind of put a pin in that entire thing, but he seemed way more at ease then than he did right now. 

You can see the timer on the screen, signaling that the next train would be here in less than a minute. You nudge his shoulder and the two of you jump off the bench, hesitantly linking arms as you push through the crowd in front of you.

The second the doors slide open, everyone pushes forward, very quickly sliding into every available seat on the train. This left you and Eren to share a single pole to hold onto as the train started moving. You secure your knuckles right under his, the two of you standing in silence, less than a foot away from each other. He leans down, his face even closer than it was before and he whispers into your ear. 

“Brace your feet.” 

“I know how to stand on a train, Eren.” 

He doesn’t respond right away and you turn to find him looking down at the ground, avoiding meeting your gaze. You were just kidding. But then again, you did yell at him last week, so how is he supposed to know the difference? 

“Six stops. Then we’ll get off.” 

You nod, bracing your feet against the ground as the train starts moving. The train is stuffy, warm, and way over capacity. You can smell the girl standing directly next to you’s perfume, the prune smell so strong it was making your head spin. But worse than the smell was the heat, the congregation of people making the air congested, your hair sticking to the back of your neck from the sweat. 

The two of you are pressed against each other, standing awkwardly. In silence. You did that a lot lately. This thing between the two of you was…delicate. You’re not sure what it is but the usual comfort, ease that you and Eren had was all but eliminated, left with this quietness. If you made a joke, it was lost to him entirely. If he said something that caught you off guard, you usually avoided responding by leaving the room. You had shouted at him and he made fun of you, so that didn’t leave much room for comfort. 

The train quickly lurches, slowing down all of a sudden. You quickly lose your footing, stumbling in the air as the train stops completely. Before you can fall, Eren secures his hand against your waist, stabilizing you in the air as the train comes to a full stop. You watch a few people get off the train and switch with those getting on, your breath still shaky from losing your balance. 

You feel him lean down, his head directly next to yours as he whispers in your ear, again. His hand is still secured around your waist, holding you steady. Even though the train wasn’t moving. 

“So when I said brace your feet, I basically meant-” 

“Shut up, Eren.” 

“We should get a leash for the ride back. Lock you up real nice so you won’t move.” 

“Perfect! We can use after too, when I have to drag your drunk ass home.” 

The two of you are laughing, readjusting yourself against the pole as the train starts again. His hands are still holding you steady and you can feel your cheeks flushing pink. From the heat. Obviously. 

There’s always moments like this - ones where it feels like nothing’s changed at all. You try not to think too hard about them. They’ve always gotten you in trouble. 

He tightens his grip on your waist every time the train lurches and stops, for all five of the stops. You avoid the pounding in your chest, which only stops when you both hop off the train at the end of the line. 

As you wait for Eren to pay for the return tickets, you spot a tiny black kitten, just at the end of the sidewalk. You immediately run down, nuzzling the tiny little cat as you pet it. As you breathe in the air, you immediately sneeze twice, your eyes watery from the sensation. You immediately hear the sound of a camera clicking, to find Eren standing over you, his phone in hand. 

“What was that for?” 

“Two kitties!”

“Ew.” 

He holds his hand out, pulling you up as the two of you walk down the block to Kenny’s apartment. Your hands are at your side, lightly brushing against Eren’s every time he leans over, making room for the other people on the sidewalk. The sun is setting on top of the buildings, the air slightly chilled. The two of you stop, standing directly on Kenny’s porch. He glances over, giving you one last look. 

“Why are you so nervous, Eren?” 

“He can be really weird. And he’s going to grill you. Just- we have to bear with him to keep the rent the way it is and live together so, just don’t blow it, okay?” 

“I really appreciate your vote of confidence, Eren. Your faith in me is rejuvenating” 

“That’s- shut up, you know that’s not what I meant.” 

The two of you give each other a smile, as Eren turns to the side and knocks on the door. 

“Why didn’t you ring the doorbell?” you whisper. 

“His doorbell is La Cucaracha.” he responds. 

The door swings open and you’re greeted with three faces staring down at you - identical sets of jet black hair and gray eyes glistening in the lamplight of the street. At the sight of you, their faces all visibly droop, as they all welcome you in. 

“He looks too young for you, Levi. And he brought a pretty girl.” 

“Those are the tenants, Mom. Not Erwin.” 

The two of them shuffle down the hall, pushing past into the room. 

“Kenny Ackerman. You must be Eren’s new roommate.” 

“Yes, that’s me. It’s so nice to meet you.” 

You hold your hand out, him nearly jostling your entire body as he shakes your hand. He idles down the hallway to where the other two had gone, leaving you and Eren in the walkway. You whisper to Eren as the two of you hang your coats on the rack. 

“They hate me already.” 

“That’s not true. Kuchel called you pretty.” 

You roll your eyes, the two of you awkwardly shuffling into the living room, where the three of them were sitting across from you. It’s only then that you can get a better look at them and realize that you know one of them. Levi. Your old physics professor. The one who you cried to about not having a roommate that took pity on you and let you sleep in his house. 

“Hi Professor Levi. It’s been a while.” 

“I see you’ve found a roommate. I can’t believe you found a place to live in one week.” 

“I thought you said the two of you had been living together for a few months, Eren.” 

“We have, Kenny.”

“Ah, right. I was just looking around at other apartments for the past week just to see if anything popped up on the market. And they didn’t. So I’m here.” 

Eren ducks his head down, the expression on his face dark. He whispers into your ear as the three of them start chattering, still discussing Erwin. 

“What? You want to move out?” 

“No, no. I was just looking. It must be awkward for you to live with a girl who isn’t your girlfriend, you know?” 

He leans over, his eyes teetering between annoyed and irritated. 

“She’s not my girlfriend. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that.” 

The doorbell rings, throwing you and Eren out of the conversation you were having. You watch the three of them jump up and rush to the door, fixing their hair and their clothes as they make it to the door. You and Eren stand up, peeking your heads down the hallway as you watch the three of them greet Erwin. Your old political science professor. 

First Levi now Erwin too? You can feel your cheeks burning from embarrassment, remembering that you had actually cried to the two of them twice - the first time to Levi when you were jumping houses and he agreed to let you stay with them and a second time when Erwin offered you an extra pillow before you went to sleep. 

“Hello. I’m Erwin Smith.” 

“Eren Yeager. This is my roommate, Y/N.” 

“Ah, Y/N. How are you? You figured out your living situation fast!” 

You don’t miss Eren glaring daggers at you out of the corner of your eye as you give Levi and Erwin an awkward smile, shaking your sweaty palms against their hands.

“Okay kid. You and Kuchel should go fix the dinner with Erwin in the kitchen. I have to talk to these two here.”  

Why are you and Eren here the first time Levi’s family is meeting his long term boyfriend? 

You look over to Eren whose irritation has very quickly been replaced with nervousness. Kenny is staring the two of you down, the two of you squished together on his very tiny couch. 

“So. You go to Shiganshina?” 

You feel your voice tangle in your throat, suddenly intimidated by Kenny staring you down. You can hear Eren’s voice echoing in your head, his angry look seared in your mind, your voice not coming out. He’s going to grill you. Don’t blow it. 

“Yes. She’s an Applied Kinesiology major. She’s very smart.” 

You look over, silently thanking the gods that Eren answered for you. 

“Can you pay rent?” 

“She has been, for the past two months.” 

He nods, leaning over the table as he stares you down. 

“I’ll give you a situation. Respond accordingly.” 

You nod, clenching your hands into little fists against the couch. 

“You just got off of work. You’re really tired but you have to stop by the store to get groceries. You’ve purchased them all. What do you do after?” 

You look over at Eren, giving him a weary stare. What the fuck kind of question is that? Is there even a right answer to this? 

“Well, I would leave the store. And take my cart, if I had one, to my car. I’d probably put my stuff away, return the cart, and then just drive home, put everything in the fridge and the cabinets.” 

He nods, taking in your answer as he leans back in his chair. “Do you like Eren?” 

“What?” 

“As a roommate.” 

“Oh. Right. Yeah, he’s great.” 

“Why did you start rooming with him?” 

You can’t lie. It seems wrong to tell him that your old roommates chose not to room with you for the next year - he was sure to not think you were a good fit if you said that. But if he found out you were lying, it would be even worse. 

“Well you see, she-”

“I asked her, Eren.” 

You feel him move his knee, pressing his against yours as his fingers curl around your hand. You feel him squeeze your hand twice, his green eyes warm as he looks at you. Right. You can do this. 

“I used to live with a few of my friends last year. I didn’t really know, but they had picked other arrangements without telling me, so I was left without a roommate for around a week. Eren was nice enough to offer me the empty spot in his room so I didn’t have to jump around from my friends' places every night.” 

He stares the two of you down. You’re rubbing circles into the back of Eren’s hand, the two of you holding your breaths as you wait for his response. 

“Sucks. Kids are bitches.” 

You both squeeze, trying your best not to smile. 

“Yeah.” 

“If you kids start dating, you can't be loud at night. You’ll piss off the neighbors. You can sign the lease after dinner. You passed.” 

He gets up off the couch, his distinct smoke smell leaving the room with him. You turn to Eren, the two of you smiling at each other as you lift your hands to high five. Eren holds your hand in the air, shaking your hand excitedly. 

“You passed, kitty.” 

“Where are we right now? Do you smell that? How does it smell like smoke and laundry at the same time? And what the fuck kind of question was that? I thought I was going to vomit. ” 

“Weird guy. Nice rent rates, though.”

“And Levi. He’s my physics professor. I literally had a crush on him. And his boyfriend, he was my political science professor too. I even stayed over at their house once. This is about to be super weird.” 

“Why did you stay at their house?” 

“I didn’t have a place to stay! This was before you offered, when I was jumping houses.”

“Were they loud at night?” 

“Ew. Don’t put that thought in my head. I’m going to vomit.” 

“Save it for later.” 

“As if. I can hold my drink. Trust me.” 

 - 

You and Eren are seated directly across from Levi and Erwin at the dinner table, Kuchel and Kenny taking the heads of the tables at the ends. A large part of this feels like you and Eren are intruding on a very special moment, but you ignore that and dig into the food. 

Right. For some reason, Kenny picked Thanksgiving food for the menu. In the middle of September. Like full on turkey dinner, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce. 

“So, do you like Thanksgiving, Kenny?” 

“I hate fascism, Y/N. No, I do not like Thanksgiving.” 

You look over at Eren, trying your best to contain your laughter, as Kenny goes on, rambling about something you’re not quite sure about. Everything Eren said was slowly starting to fall into place - you really can’t turn down drinks from the guy. He’d already made you try three different drinks he made and you had only been here for an hour. And the pink lemonade was actually disgusting, Eren’s just a liar. 

Kuchel turns to the two of you, flashing you both a big smile.

“Say Eren. You never told us you got a pretty girlfriend.” 

You and Eren both choke on your food, clearing your throats. 

“Ah. I’m not Eren’s girlfriend. We just live together. Friends.” 

“Uh huh. Right. What a shame. You two are so sweet together. Sharing your sweet little smiles, playing footsie under the table.” 

You immediately drag your foot off of Eren’s under the table, embarrassed that she had caught that. Every time Levi rolled his eyes, Eren tapped your foot to get your attention, the two of you trying not to laugh. It’s not your fault that rolling his eyes is basically like blinking to Levi. 

“Ma. Leave them alone, yeah? They’re just kids, they don’t know what they feel.” 

“I have to agree with Lee’ here, Mrs. Ackerman. Surely, they just haven’t reached that stage yet.” 

“You call Levi Lee’, Erwin? That’s so sweet. Oh you two are just perfect and I-” 

The four of you five of you watch Kuchel burst into tears, taking turns pressing kisses to everyone's cheeks at the table. You and Eren included. When she sits down, Eren leans over, whispering in your ear. 

“She’s like Annie on hour five of being drunk.” 

“More like hour one.” 

You both laugh, silently eating your food as you watch them interact with each other again. Some parts of it feel like a reality tv show. Kenny’s is downright ridiculous - he’s been hurling out whatever comes to his mind. He told Eren that he seemed like the type to commit genocide in another life and then told Erwin that he would be a corrupt military man. 

Kuchel is sweet. Almost two sweet. She spent a large majority of the night crying, telling baby stories about Levi when he was a kid. You don’t miss the way Levi’s ears turn red when she confesses that Levi used to be scared of the toilet when he was younger. 

Best of all are Levi and Erwin. You don’t miss the glances between them - the silent communication they had going on at the table. It’s like the rest of you weren’t even here. That’s where you think Eren got the idea, the tapping on the feet. A signal that you were going to talk laugh about it later. 

- 

Eight drinks in and Kenny is blasting music, doing a solo interpretive dance to Etta James. You and Levi are in one corner with Kuchel, Erwin, and Eren in the other. 

“I can’t believe this guy is your uncle. Did you ever do a DNA test?” 

“Hundreds.”

You turn your neck to find Levi, staring across Erwin on the other side of the room. You follow his gaze, watching Kuchel pinch Eren’s cheeks and Erwin laugh at the two of them. 

“What’s your deal?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“With Eren. You like him right?” 

You look down into your cup, the opaque liquid staring back at you. Erwin had made you a fruity drink, to which Kenny responded “everything about this guy is fruity!” 

“Yeah.” 

“He doesn’t like you back?” 

“No.” 

“I didn’t like Erwin at first. He was too much - pretentious, arrogant, irrational at times.” 

“But?” 

“But, he was my best friend. At some point, all the love and admiration I had for him just became something more. Like, yeah, he was my favorite person to be around but then I wanted to be around him all the time. Tell him the good things, the bad things. Share something with him, anything, everything. I…I didn’t hate myself when I was with him.” 

You smile, squeezing Levi’s shoulder in your hands. 

“That’s sweet, Levi. I’m happy for you.” 

He gives you a small smile, turning his neck back to look at them across the hall. 

“Be his friend. Maybe he’ll come around.” 

 - 

Six drinks in and Eren is feeling buzzed. He was trying his best to pace himself, make sure he was sane enough to take you home at the end of the night. He could tell by the glazed look in your eyes that you were getting there, close to being fully plastered. 

He turns his neck, scanning for you around the room. You kept disappearing. But there you were, directly across from him, leaning against the wall from Levi. He meets your eyes and you give him a soft smile, accompanied with a tiny wave. His heart’s pounding. 

“Do you like her, Eren? Oh please say that you do.” 

Kuchel is squeezing his shoulders, her eyes lighting up in excitement. 

“Yeah. Maybe a little bit.” 

“Oh, oh, oh. You have to tell her. Don’t let her get away now!” 

“Ah, I tried. She doesn’t like me.” 

He watches her face droop, Erwin shaking his head in the air. Both of their cheeks are flushed pink, the cups they were holding shaking in their hands. Surely the only people who were at least somewhat sober were you and Eren, which was saying a lot. 

“You know, Eren. I knew Levi was the one the moment I saw him.” 

“Really?” 

“I liked him so much, I wanted him around. In whatever sense that means. Even if he only wanted to be my friend.” 

“He didn’t want to be with you?”

“Oh no, he loathed me. Like full of hatred.” 

“And that didn’t…bother you?” 

“Maybe a little bit, but we became friends after that. And I just wanted him around. Whatever way he would have me. Even just being his friend, getting to see him everyday, that was enough for me.” 

Eren cranes his neck back over, where Kenny has his arms slung around you and Levi. He’s forcing the two of you to sign with him - Levi looking downright murderous while you flash Kenny a polite smile. 

“Just be her friend, Eren. Maybe she’ll come around like Levi did.” 

 - 

You can’t hold your drink. Obviously. But Eren knew that already. He had been watching you for a better part of the last hour, your inhibitions absent. Erwin had made you yet another fruit themed drink, which you were all too happy to down. The second he saw the glass hit your hand, he’d focused all of his best efforts in trying to sober up, calm the thrill running through his blood. 

You had made your way back over to him after some time, the two of you on the couch. You were leaning your head against his shoulder, your breaths heavy and uneven. At the sight of Kenny - who was now singing with Kuchel on the table - you suddenly perk up, your hands pressed against his shoulders as you lean over him. 

“Eren.” 

“Hm, peaches?” 

“I have a plan.” you whisper, your eyes somewhere between delirious and devious. 

“Uh huh. What’s that?” 

“You and I should sign the lease now. Then mail the letters. That way, we can leave and Kenny can’t get mad because we basically did him a favor. We’ll just tell Levi in case he asks.” you whisper, a smile spreading across your face. 

You’re drunk out of your mind. Not that Eren himself isn’t drunk either, he can certainly feel the buzz he was trying to will away living, but he’s not as gone as you. 

“Genius idea.” 

“I know right!” 

He was being sarcastic, but you had already jumped off the couch, to where Levi and Erwin were standing in the corner. He quickly follows, catching up to balance you as you stumble over to where the two of them were standing. 

“So. Levi. Right, hi Levi.” 

He’s mentally debating if he should stop you. You are very plastered and could potentially say something embarrassing. But there’s something so funny, so endearing about the determined little look on your face that he decides against it, letting you go on. 

“You’re a man.” 

He watches the confusion spread across Levi’s already strained face, his eyes flitting between you and Eren. 

“And you, Erwin, are a man too. You two are men.” 

“That’s correct, Y/N. You’re very perceptive.” 

Eren tries his best to conceal his laughter, as you go on, talking to the two of them. You’re definitely worse than Annie. 

“Marriage. It’s a thing, you know? And a man can do it. And a woman can too. And you are a man and he is a man and you can both do that. And we want to come to that. Like go to there.” 

How did you get from talking about the lease to marriage?

“Eren. What is she going on about?” 

“We’re going to sign the lease papers and mail them on our way out so we can leave. We have to be up early tomorrow and she literally cannot drink more. We were going to ask if you could let Kenny know tomorrow and tell him to be easy on us.” 

“You drive here?” 

“No. Train. We’ll be fine to get back, Levi. I got her.” 

He nods. Eren doesn’t miss the look Erwin and Levi give each other as the two of you lock hands, tip-toeing into Kenny’s office. Of course Erwin told him. 

The two of you quickly rush out, laughing as you run down the block before any of them notice. You slow down as you pass the corner, the two of you strolling the rest of the way down the block back to the train station. He can tell you’re winding down by the way you’re leaning against him, skipping steps. 

The train car is empty, this being the last train leaving the station. He settles the two of you into the seats at the front, getting in first. 

“Ren. Can I have the window?” 

He nods, wordlessly changing seats with you. This seat’s better anyways. You look out the window. And he can look at you. 

You lean over, your eyes drooping as you lean over. He’s not sure what it is, maybe Kenny’s rancid tequila is still running through his bloodstream, but he locks his hand with yours, pressing his fingers against the scar in between your knuckles. 

“I…miss you, Y/N. Being your friend.” 

He watches your expression drop, your eyes fluttering fully open. 

“You don’t think we’re friends?” 

“No! I mean, yes. I just didn’t realize you thought we were still friends. After everything that happened, the fight we had I just kind of- I don’t know.” 

You’re quiet for some time and he can see the gears moving in your head. Your eyes are now pinched shut, your forehead scrunched in concentration. Maybe this was the right time to say this. Hopefully, you don’t even remember tomorrow. 

“Are we in second grade, Ren? Do you really not think we’re friends?” 

Of course. The words he said to you, the day you were sick. 

“We are still friends. I just meant, it was different for the past few days. But today, this was…nice. I enjoyed it.” 

You smile in response, the two of you leaning your heads against the back of the seats, the only sound being the whirring of the train behind you. 

“Y/N. You wouldn’t really move out, would you?” 

“I was hoping you forgot about that. It’s my fault. I kind of…get in my head sometimes, I don’t know.”

“About?”  

“I thought you didn’t want me around. So I didn’t want to be around you. I thought you hated me or something.” 

“Y/N. Look at me.” 

His eyes are dark, the same way as when Levi mentioned you were looking for another roommate. 

“I could never hate you.” 

“I know, I just meant-” 

“No. You clearly don’t know.” 

You turn over to find an irritated look plastered on his face, his jaw clenched shut. You press your fingers against his shoulder, squeezing twice to get his attention. He flutters his eyes open, leaning down to look at you. 

“You’re special to me. I don’t understand what I did that made you think I would ever make fun of you or hate you. You...piss me off when you say stuff like-” 

He’s cut off by you placing your hand on his cheek, your eyes peering into his. 

“Sorry, Ren.’ 

“S’okay. I know why you do it. But just remember, I’m not your stupid old roommates or your lame ex-boyfriend or anyone who ever made you feel that way. You and I are-” 

“Friends.” 

Not what he quite had in mind, but he’ll take it.

“Yeah. You can tell me anything.” 

“Okay. You too.” 

He sees you smile, your eyes wafting shut against his shoulders. He can feel the pit in his stomach burning, the exact same way it did every time you did something. When you smiled at him, fixed his hair, got him coffee. God, he still loves you. 

“So Ren. Do you want to hang out after recess?” 

“Shut up. You’re so corny, kitty.” 

“Ew.” 

- 

The next morning, Eren makes you breakfast and you sing in the shower. Progress. 

- 

next part linked here

taglist: @maliakealoha @smolone88 @mykyoon @squirrelspoetry @roronoazorosbxtchh @fell-4-u @erensleftnutt @thelazylemur @mg63k @filunara @mblrrr @spidersinmybutthole @lezsie @erensmoodygf @maesthebestmonth @nanamiswife22 @lalalucidity @lapin0u @cullenswife @leafguitar @saiyasworld @rebeccawinters @mrs-sullys-blog @red-moon-dream @icansmellsouls @luvinclouds @katestrophes @amourely @6sakusa @miralbdo @k0z3me @celiniverse @txminie-blog @erenspersonalwh0re @s0f14sbs @violetmatcha @sweetenertea @wheredidmycrowngo @serendippindots @intimacywithceline @alonemoth @l0v31yw0r1d @meowmeowmau @miasthoughtsdotcom 

reply under this post or any of the one’s linked above to be added to the tag list! <3 

[coupleoffanfics]

Part 2- y/n becomes a child

Part 1 Here

She seems to be a big fan of cats. Anything with Hello Kitty on it she wants. Will run up to stray cats trying to pet them no matter how many times they tell her not to. “They could have a disease.” “But they’re so cute!”

Doesn’t fully understand when she says, “I’m looking for my parents. We’re playing hide and seek, I don’t really like playing it. I wanted played sequence. My dad must have helped my mom with her hiding spot because I can usually find her first. Once I find them we’ll go back home to my baby and older brother.”

Hearing this Damian goes to Bruce for answers. He knows of everyone’s upbringing, but he often overlooked y/n in the past. Something about her mentally blocking her parents' death. Bruce only says parents, so it makes him wonder whether or not…It doesn’t matter. He just makes sure that he won’t bring up her parents or try to convince her that Bruce was her father anymore. Or that he and the others were her real brothers.

Dick will bring y/n to the water park, zoo, etc for some bonding time. Trying to dethrone Jason’s spot of being her favorite. When going out this usually results in Damian tagging along. Though surprisingly y/n doesn’t like going out as much, so Dick tries to find another way to connect with her.

It's getting late and while in her pajamas jumps down each step of the stairs. Dick notices the book in her hand and offers to read it to her before bed. Look him straight in his eyes to say no and ask if he knew where Jason was.

He lied by saying that he already left even though he was down in the cave and he’ll just take Jason’s place as bedtime reader. She reluctantly agreed. Everything is fine until the story ends. She looks like she is going to burst into tears and he panics. The story didn’t have a sad ending or anything. It was just a frog and toad book.

Asking what was wrong, y/n looks at him. “They’re gone and they’re never coming back are they?” He doesn’t respond, the look of pity in his eyes was enough for her to start balling her eyes out. Crying for her parents. When he is going to get up to get Bruce she eminently freaks out.

“No! Please don’t leave. I don’t want to be left alone. Don’t leave me alone again!” Dick gets so emotional seeing his little sister desperately begging him to not be all alone. He stays behind and comforts her. Not leaving her side once.

The context of how they unintentionally neglected her when she got older made guilt build up.

After that y/n is more open with Dick and starts to follow him around a bit. Jason raises his eyebrow but doesn’t say anything. Dick would be a better influence than him regardless of how bitter it made him feel.

Tim doesn’t go out of his way to interact with little y/n. Though she does come up to him to share what food she has. She will not leave him alone unless he has some of her snacks. Reminding him of when she was done cooking/baking, she’d force him to take a taste test before anyone else.

She’ll go out into the garden to catch butterflies. Will not take a net no matter how many times it's offered. Damian sits back watching her as she creeps up on butterflies like a cat. Every time she goes up to him and asks if he knew what butterfly it is.

Doesn’t have a clue, but after that, he’ll look up all the different butterflies. Their names and small facts about them for next time. y/n inadvertently made Damian a butterfly wiki.

There will be sudden fits where she wants to paint someone’s nails. Goes up to the first person she’ll see. Place the Hello Kitty nail polish bag on the table and ask them, “What color do you want? Sparkly or no sparkle?” There isn't anyone that can say no.

So everyone in the manor will have painted nails. Bruce is in a business meeting, everyone sees his black-painted nails but doesn’t say a thing. If anyone were to ask he’d hold up a hand to show off and explain that his daughter wanted to paint his nails. He is expressionless the whole time, but if they looked hard enough then they could see the smile in his eyes.

Babs and Dick definitely take a few photos of y/n and send them to each other. It’s not every day that adult y/n allows others to photograph her. Now that she is a child without too many insecurities this allows them to take as many photos as possible.

Speaking of Babs, she’s just like Tim and Bruce. Doesn’t go out of her way to interact with her because she doesn't see the reason to do so. It’s fine after a few days until she starts missing adult y/n. The one who brings up random topics and has late-night texts with.

Wonders if she should inform y/n’s friend and boyfriend about this since they’ve been reaching out a lot. But decided against it. y/n is in a vulnerable state of mind and having even more “strangers” interact with her should just be avoided. Barb tells them that she’s broken her phone and is taking care of her sick auntie who is overseas. She makes up an elaborate lie and now y/n’s friend and boyfriend think she has an Italian auntie named Bianca Bellagamba.

One day Dick gets a drawing that he’s always dreamed of. A crayon drawing of his hero persona that had My #1 hearo! Everyone can see him internally squealing.

Everyone got a similar drawing, but she handed his drawing to him first. So obviously he’s the favorite brother and she clearly put more effort into his drawing.

Only Dick and Damian have thought of sabotaging the progress of returning y/n back to normal a few times. They’d be able to keep her in the manor safe and be able to rewrite their mistakes. Jason has thought of this too once, but he knew that it wasn’t right for y/n if they kept her like this.

The only reason Dick and Damian didn’t do anything as everyone was dead set on getting adult y/n back. Even if they were to sabotage their progress, it would just slow them down.

When y/n is turned back to normal she doesn’t remember anything after she was turned into a child. This breaks Dick’s heart more than it does Damian’s. Dick was making so much progress with y/n and now it's completely erased. Damian took this more as a way to understand and learn more about y/n.

y/n awkwardly thanks them before shuffling out manor. Babs will send the pics of little y/n to her later.

Most of the family’s view of y/n doesn’t change except for Dick and to a lesser extent Jason’s. Dick will see y/n even more as a child now. That one night when she begged to not be left alone again will motivate him to reach out to her. Spend more time together to make up for his absence.

Jason might view her a little more like a child, but he already saw her as one. Though this whole fiasco has made him a bit more protective of y/n. When out, he’ll check on her apartment just to make sure that she’s safe at home. If he finds her out for whatever reason when he’s on patrol then he’ll follow her until she gets back home safely.

Damian knows that little and older y/n aren’t exactly the same. It would be stupid to do so because she could grow out of things and has developed as a person. When he breaks into her apartment for a visit he’ll have a type of Hello Kitty memorabilia. y/n clearly hasn’t grown out of her love for the cat with a bow as the next time he breaks in, he sees that she kept the gift.

[bellarkeselection]

2 - Interesting Conversations

Part 3

The Venus Muse

Not as long of a chapter as I'd like but here it is 😊 if you have any suggestions send them to my ask box

He extended his hand up to me and I smiled, placing my smaller hand in his larger one. “I accept so long as I know which Bridgerton are you?”

“Benedict, Benedict Bridgerton.” He replied, leading me out and onto the dance floor with the entire room having their eyes focused on the two of us.

I shifted my gaze up to his since he was taller than I was even with me wearing the slightly high shoes I was wearing. The others in the grand room began grabbing their own dance partner and the floor was filled with dancing suits and dresses moving about. “You’ll surely be the talk of the town after this night, lord bridgerton.”

“I don’t care much if I am. It is not my responsibility to carry the weight of my family's house on my shoulders.” The bachelor responded. 

His brother Anthony had found a wife last season, his sister Daphnie before that and now this year it was rumored that Colin was the next bachelorette according to the talk of the town. Holding my hand up away from his we slowly danced around in a circle where I chuckled. “So second siblings get to have more fun you say.” 

“Indeed they can. Would you not say the same for yourself?” Benedict asked, twirling me away from his chest throwing my hair all around and my dress twirled with such grace. 

I spun back into his embrace where our noses touched one another and the music began dying down meaning our time may have been limited so I quickly thought on my feet. “My lord, may I be so bold and ask to speak with you somewhere more privately?” 

“I’d love nothing more, princess.” He whispered, taking me by the hand and together we made our way through the crowd. We reached the outside of the ballroom but I figured we would be found if we stayed out there. 

So I squeezed his hand in mine taking the lead to the nearest horse stables that were just outside the nearest door. Benedict allowed himself to be dragged along by the princess in front of him. The fresh air finally hit my face when I busted through the large door. I sighed in relief. “Ah that’s much better. I must admit the castle walls can make me feel a little restricting.” 

“If I’m being honest with you. I don’t care for these seasons as much as others. Though it does give me inspiration for my drawings on occasions.” Benedict stands behind me. 

Spinning around on my feet I grinned hearing the excitement in his voice when he spoke the word of drawing. “You enjoy drawing, Mr. Bridgerton.” 

“I would like to just be Benedict to you, princess.” He nodded his head down to me. 

I chuckled moving across the stables yard until I found a bench to sit on and he joined me. “My father told my mother to just call him George the day she tried to climb over a garden wall so she didn’t have to marry him.” 

“I don’t think I've ever heard of this story. Care to share more details with me.” He scooted closer to me on the bench. 

Shifting my head up towards the sky I clicked my tongue thinking for a moment. My mother had told me how they fell in love despite the conditions my father has on his mind. “It’s a rather long story. I don’t wish to bother you with the full details of it. Surely you have other women you wish to spend your time with.” 

“Don’t let it be the fact that you are the princess and I am just a Bridgerton stop you from telling me the story you wish to tell.” Benedict pressed on touching my hand that was closest to his. 

I met his baby blue eyes asking the question I wanted him to answer. “Are we not expected to follow the rules of society that we have been born into?” 

“In my opinion I don’t wish to follow the traditional rules of society. Society leaves very little room for us to explore different passions. Whether it be through art, clothing, music or making our own beliefs.” Benedict moved his hands around as he declared about having some desire outside of just finding a wife or husband. 

Tucking hair behind my ear I felt the heavy weight of the crown on my head begin to disappear. “You make it sound so easy.” 

“Should it not be for you?” He asked me so calmly. 

I snorted shrugging my shoulders, explaining my situation to the lord sitting beside me. I wished the things that he was saying could be true, but I was far beyond ever seeing such freedom. “I may be a princess but it doesn’t mean I get to explore the world like I hoped.”

“What if I helped give you that chance.” Benedict asked me with that cheeky smile on his face. 

“How so?” I tilted my head to the side, very curious to what he was planning in his head only having met me a few minutes ago. 

He spoke up with passion. I almost believed it could work. “We could go strolling through the shops together, I could show you my art in the house we are staying near here or even just keep meeting in secret to have these conversations like this if it's what you truly desire.” 

“Benedict, that all sounds wonderful. But what if we get caught?” I was still uncertain of the bad consequences. 

A different woman's voice enters our conversation causing me and Benedict to turn our heads in the opposite direction seeing a girl with dark black hair wearing a light colored dress. “Live out of society's expectations please I beg of you.”

“Princess Y/n, I’d like you to meet my sister Eloise Bridgerton.” Benedict raised his hand out gesturing to the girl standing a few steps away from us. Her mouth hung open at the same time as mine, both in utter shock of meeting the other in this type of situation. For my mothers enjoyment I must say this season looks to be an interesting one from my current perspective. 

Comments really appreciated ❤️ Tag list - just ask to be added @abq654 @your-musicguru @imgondeletedis @eruannaaa-blog @cherrylovers-world @benedictbridgertonss @callmedarlingsstuff @carrotcaratsworld @sillynilly27 @emmampl-blog2 @bright-molina @erynel1zasworld @ynbutbetter @stranger-chan @blckbarbiedoll @sanaar3006 @urmoom12345 @ritz-hell-hotel @ritz-hell-hotel

[skybluewritings]

Last summer Part 5, Felix Catton X fem!reader

Warning: Suggestive themes

Note: Thank you so much for all of the lovely comments and likes!

For some reason he wouldn’t even look at her over the breakfast table, at first she wondered if maybe he was hungover like she was but he’d barely spoke a word to anyone. And when she got to the pool later that morning he was nowhere to be seen. Venetia was already on a lounger a magazine in her lap.

 

Venetia noticed her and grinned. “How are you feeling this morning?”

 

“Like absolute death.” (Name) replied coming to lay on the lounger next to her.

 

Venetia laughed. “That would be the jelly shots we did, they tasted so good.”

 

 She laughed too rubbing at her temple. “Which is probably why I did like half a tray of them.”

 

“You got so drunk last night you fell in a bush.” Venetia reminded her.

 

“Please don’t, I’d forgotten about that.” She groaned. “In fact everything after the jello shots is a blur, I don’t even really remember how I got back to my bedroom.”

 

“Oh it was probably Felix, when we left you guys he was practically guiding you up the stairs.”

 

A part of her foggy memory came back, it was Felix carrying her in his arms down the hallway then he helped her into bed. And whilst that should have felt like enough she had a nagging feeling she had missed something? Is that why Felix was being so distant had she offended him last night?

 

“Did you sense that there was something off with Felix at breakfast? I have this feeling that maybe I hurt him last night and I can’t remember what I said.” She admitted.

 

Venetia shook her head. “You would never have.”

 

 “But that’s just it I’m so sure something happened. If I didn’t say anything then what else could it be?”

 

Venetia was quiet for a moment. “Can I be honest with you?”

 

Her throat tightened. “Yeah, go for it.”

 

“The two of you were really close at the party is it possible that maybe a line was crossed?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean that,” Venetia took her sunglasses off,” The two of you have this thing between you whether you realise it or not. Perhaps one of you tried it on with the other and got shot down?”

 

She knew her own feelings well enough for Felix and the past couple of weeks had given her some hope he felt the same. It wasn’t enough hope to be 100 percent certain, but it was there. What if last night she had thrown caution to the wind, made a move and had been rejected?

 

She took a deep breath. “If I admit this to you it stays between us.”

 

Venetia held out her pinky and (Name) shook on it. “I swear.”

 

“I do have feelings for him,” She swallowed hard, “So it’s possible he’s just feeling embarrassed because he had to reject me.”

 

A weight was lifted off her, she had never confessed how she truly felt about Felix to anyone let alone his sister.

 

“You’ll never know unless you speak to him.” Venetia told her.

 

“Okay fine I’ll-I’ll talk to him.” She agreed. “Thank you.”

 

“I should be the one thanking you actually.”

 

“Why?”

 

Venetia smiled at her. “For defending me in front of everyone, no one apart from Farleigh and Felix has ever had my back.”

 

She smiled back. “I would want someone to do the same for me.”

*

She knocked on Felix’s bedroom door several times but there was no response, she gave up and walked away defeated and a little annoyed. As she headed back down to the pool she ran into Farleigh, he opened his mouth to greet her but was cut off.

 

“Hey have you seen Felix anywhere?” She asked urgently.

 

“Good morning to you as well.” Farleigh responded. “Why do you need to find him?”


“I need to know if he’s okay.  Do you know where he is?” She told him.

 

“Well last time I saw him he’d gone off to town to buy ice for the dinner party tonight.”

 

It seemed convenient he had so suddenly left the house.

 

“Dinner party?”


He gave her an obvious look. “Yes the dinner party, the one that Elspeth hasn’t stopped talking about for weeks. The one we all have to be at!”

 

(Name) shut her eyes and rubbed at her temples. “Yep the dinner party. Oh my god I had totally forgotten.”

 

“Well they’re certainly interesting, so I’ll see you there.” Farleigh told her and walked away.

 

She would have to speak with him that night and get to the bottom of it.

*

The dinner party was as interesting as Farleigh had said. She was pretty sure the couple she was sat next to at one point had propositioned her for a threesome…The champagne was making some guests friendlier than others. But it was hard to focus on most of the inane conversation when Felix was once again still not looking at her. After dinner had finished the next part of the evening was about to begin. When they were in the hallway out of the dinning room she noticed Felix slope off, she politely excused herself to go join him.

 

She found him outside leant against the wall smoking, she had seen dressed in a suit before but there was something about this time that made her feel warm.

 

“Hey.” She said approaching him.

 

He looked up from the cigarette and glanced briefly at her. “Oh hi.”

 

“Is everything okay?” She gently asked.

 

“Why wouldn’t it be?” He replied bluntly.

 

She touched his arm. “Because you haven’t spoken to me at all today.”

 

He shrugged her off. “Maybe I don’t feel like talking.”

 

“Come on please!”

 

“I’m fine ok.” He said firmly.

 

She snatched the cigarette from him and threw it to the ground crushing it under her heel. He turned to her outraged.

 

“What the fuck was that for?”

 

She glared at him. “Can you stop acting like a little boy for five seconds and be my friend?!”

 

He rolled his eyes. “There’s that word again ‘friend’. Yeah that’s right I’m your fucking friend.”

 

She stared back at him not knowing what to say. It was then that everything from the previous night came back. The conversation in the back of the taxi, him carrying her to bed and then in her room when he placed her hand to his heart. And OH GOD- he had basically admitted to having feelings for her and she had been too drunk to respond. She hadn’t been the one to put herself on the line it had been him! And she’d inadvertently rejected him.

 

“Do you like me?” Her voice was quiet.

 

“Why do you sound so surprised?! I literally told you last night, but you made it pretty obvious that you don’t feel the same.”

 

She shook her head. “No that’s-that’s not true at all I just didn’t fully understand until now when I remembered everything.”

 

He furrowed his brow. “Wait did you forget about what happened?”

 

“Yeah, well I was really drunk.” She gingerly told him.

 

“Now that you understand what do you uh think about it?” He asked her.

 

“I really like you.” She confessed, feeling extremely jittery.

 

He laughed and softly took her hands in his. “I can’t believe this! The whole time I was into and you were feeling exactly the same.”

 

She had dreamed of the day he would finally return her feelings, but the timing was just awful. Soon she’d be leaving to live abroad for a year.

 

His grin faded a little when he noticed she was visibly less happy than him. “What is it? Is this not what you want?”

 

She let go of his hands. “This is really hard for me to do but I don’t think I can do this.”

 

His jaw clenched. “But we both like each other, what’s the problem?”

 

“Felix I’m leaving the country in less than two weeks for an entire year.”

 

“Who cares we can figure out!” He said, voice growing louder.

 

She ran a hand through her hair. “It would be fine at first, but the distance would eventually settle in, and we’d would fizzle out. I would rather not risk losing you, even if it meant never having you in the first place. You mean so much to me.” Her voice cracked as she spoke.

 

 “I can’t believe you don’t even want to try. I’m willing to work at this, but you won’t even give us a chance!” He shouted.

 

“You think this is easy for me? Do you think this doesn’t hurt me too? Of course I want that but it just won’t work.” She shouted back.

 

He threw his hands in the air. “So, what we go back to being friends and pretend this conversation never happened?”

 

“Yes because I don’t see any other way to move forward!”

 

“Maybe you can do that, but I can’t.”

 

She winced at his words. “What do you mean by that?”

 

“That maybe we shouldn’t be friends anymore.” He snapped.

 

She could not believe how childish he was being.

 

She shoved him in the chest. “You know what, fuck you!”

 

“At least I’m not afraid!”

 

She gave him a dirty look. “That is rich coming from you. I bet anything you’d just fuck me then move on like you always do.”

 

She regretted the insult as soon as she’d said it. He became vacant of any emotion, then barged straight past her.

 

“Wait Felix.” She called after him but he didn’t bother to look back at her.

*

She was sat mournfully at the vanity desk in her room brushing her hair out. She knew she had messed up. How could she have said that to him? Regardless of how hurt she felt at him telling her they should no longer be friends she never should have insulted him so greatly. There was a knock at her door, she already knew it was Felix without even having to answer.

 

She opened the door and there he was, stood sheepishly before her. He was dressed in pyjamas but had pulled on a jumper.

 

“Can we go for a drive?” He asked.

*

There hadn’t been much conversation on the drive there but eventually the car came to a stop.

 

She squinted at the view. “Where are we?”

 

“This is just somewhere I used to drive to when everything felt like too much.” He told her.

 

He opened his car door and got out, she did the same. He had parked on a hillside in the darkness she could make out the wide expanse of fields down below them. The bright moonlight helped her to see. It was a brilliantly clear night, she could spot more constellations than she ever could back home.

 

They sat on the bonnet of the car both in their pyjamas. “This is a beautiful spot.” She told him.

 

“You should see it in the daytime.” He replied.

 

They both fell silent for a moment, it was his voice that broke it.

 

“I’m really sorry.” He apologised. “I shouldn’t have behaved like that, I was just hurt. If you want to stay friends then of course we can be. I’ll respect whatever decision you make.”

 

She was able to smile a little. “Thank you, that means a lot. And I’m so sorry too, I never should have insulted you like that. I was just lashing out, of course I don’t think you would ever discard me. You’ve always treated me with such respect.”

 

He nodded taking in what she’d said. “I never want to hurt you again like I did today.” He admitted.

 

 "It’s okay I understand why you acted like that.” She told him.

 

“It’s still not an excuse.”

 

“Even so.” She sighed.

 

“When did you first start liking me then?” He asked her with a light laugh.

 

This also made her laugh. “Seriously is that what you want to know?”

 

 “I can’t help it if I’m curious.”

 

She felt herself flush. “Well, I realised when one time we were in your uni room studying. You looked up at me for a moment, and I just kind of knew.”

 

“Studying that’s pretty hot.” He teased her, making her scoff.

 

Despite the joke in the darkness she could see how soft his gaze was.

 

She bumped her shoulder against his. “Come on, now you have to tell me when you realised you liked me?”

 

“We were at a party together and you were just so lit up talking to all these people. I was so proud to know you, to exist in the same room as you.”

 

She felt a thrill run through her at him using the words she had once used to describe him. Strangely something about the two memories felt connected.

 

“Wait a minute.” She breathed. “Was this around late April of last year?”

 

 “Yeah it was. Why?”

 

“I remember that on the day we studied we also went to a party.”

 

His eyes widened. “Did we both have the same realisation on the same day?”

 

She stared back at him just as amazed. “Yeah I think so.”

 

She leant her head on his shoulder. “God you are going to be hard to get over.”

 

He chuckled sadly, leaning his head against hers. “So are you.”

 

*

He had held her hand the entire car journey home, his fingers threaded through hers. When they had parted to go back to bed a strange tension hung in the air.

 

“So, I guess this is goodnight then.” She said fiddling with the metal of her bracelet.

 

He leant against the doorframe. “Yeah I suppose. Well goodnight.”

 

They both faltered in the doorway before she finally closed the door and he left. She got into bed but she was wide awake. They were really never going to be anything then?And it had been no one’s fault but her own. She tried to ignore the regret that was gnawing at her, it had been a smart choice. Right? They could both in time try to move past whatever this was and soon things would be normal. But could it ever be normal?  In the years to come how would she ever pretend they were just friends when she knew that once upon a time he had wanted as badly as she wanted him.

 

She needed to talk him, it still felt like they hadn’t fully discussed this. She didn’t know what she was going to say but she just needed to see him.

 

She tore the bed covers off her and opened the door that connected to the bathroom. But there he was at the other side of door his hand raised to knock.

 

“What are you doing?-” He asked bewildered.

 

She looked up at him, maybe she needed to stop thinking so much.

 

“What I should have done have in the first place.” She told him.

 

He gave her a confused look before she wrapped her arms around his neck, leant up and kissed him.

 

He pulled back for a second. “I-I thought you didn’t want to do anything?”

 

 “I know what I said but I couldn’t spend another second wondering it was like to kiss you!”

 

 That was all the convincing he needed. “Fuck it, come here.” He said cupping her face.

 

He softly pressed his lips to hers and this time kissed her back. It started off slow, she grasped at his jumper whilst one of his hands slid down to rest on her lower back pushing her closer into him. She tilted her head to the side deepening the kiss, his tongue slid against hers, the kiss became hot and dirty.

 

“Can I take your shirt off?” He asked against her lips.

 

“Yes absolutely!"

 

He went to pull the vest top over her head but it got stuck, they started to laugh as he tried to yank it off her. When it was off he stared down at her, a look of hunger in his eyes, her chest was completely bare. She suddenly felt a little shy. It wasn’t the first time someone had seen her naked but this was the first time it had really meant anything.

 

“Are you going to just stare me?” She nervously teased him.

 

“I’m sorry it’s just that you look so beautiful .” He told her.

 

“Oh.” She stammered before clearing her throat. “It doesn’t seem fair that I’m the only one shirtless.”

 

He playfully rolled his eyes at her. “Jesus someone’s eager.”

 

He pulled his shirt over his head, there was a dull ache between her legs as she took in the definition of his torso and the slope of his shoulders.

 

“I mean come on, seriously how do you look like that?” She asked in frustration.

 

He only laughed before leaning back into kiss her,

*********

She looked over at him and smiled. “I mean that was just-wow.”

 

He smiled back at her. “I know right, has it ever been like that for you before?”

 

She shook her head. “No, it’s never been like that.”

 

“I wish we’d done it sooner.” He said.

 

She turned on her side to look at him.

 

“I wanted you so bad when we were skinny dipping the night of the party.” She admitted.

 

“I wanted you when I saw you in that red bikini for the first time. It’s embarrassing to admit but I immediately got hard.” He let out an embarrassed laugh.

 

She lightly slapped his arm. “So that’s why you wouldn’t get in the pool!”

 

They continued to talk late into the night until eventually they fell asleep, neither of them once thinking of the future.

Taglist: @emitaylorsverson @twiceinabluemoon @real-lana-del-rey @jess-rye @billyismyidol23

[madaqueue]

Practice Makes Perfect | Chapter 12

synopsis: you and yuji have been best friends basically as long as you can remember, and you made a promise to each other to stay friends and help each other be the best versions of yourselves for your future partners. but will things change when yuji finally starts looking for a relationship?

pairing: yuji itadori (18+) x f!reader

themes/content: modern college au (characters aged up to 18+). language, fluff. 18+, MDNI

word count: 1.3k

a/n: we're in the home stretch y'all aaaAAH

previous chapter | series masterlist | next chapter

A week has passed since you and Yuji told each other your true feelings. Things aren't the same, but you wouldn’t want them to be.

You’ve seen him practically every day since then, whether he’s bringing you lunch between classes or spending the night with each other, you feel like you can finally breathe again when he is with you.

“You know,” he says one night while you’re watching TV in his dorm, “eventually you’re gonna have to tell Fushiguro why you kissed him.” He takes a bite of the cereal sitting in his lap.

“Shit, I can’t believe I forgot to do that. I was honestly so caught up with spending time with you I just didn’t think about it,” you respond truthfully.

“Aww, someone got distracted by me?” he teases, leaning his head over onto your shoulder and looking up at you. You push him off with a chuckle. “Hey now, don’t spill my cereal, I only have one set of sheets here and I’m not about to ruin these,” he laughs, that permanent grin spread across his face.

–

The next morning, you figure it’s time to have that conversation with Megumi. You’ll be seeing him in class today, which at least makes the transition a bit easier. Since you and Yuji made up, you've started coming back out of your shell again and allowing your smile to appear more, which Megumi has noticed but hasn’t verbally acknowledged.

When the lecture concludes, you turn to him before packing your things up.

“Hey, are you free right now? I wanted to talk to you about something,” you say, a soft smile on your face.

“Sure,” he responds, “I found a new cafe if you’d want to try that?” After weeks of barely hearing your voice and never seeing you outside of class, your request makes his heart flutter.

“Actually, I would kind of prefer one we’ve already been to before if that’s alright with you?”

“Of course,” he says, a grin now forming on his face. Seeing you smile is enough to light up the room, and he’s just happy to have you back.

–

Megumi sits at a booth as you walk over holding two drinks in your hand. By now you know his order by heart (it does help that it’s just black coffee) and you place the two mugs down in the middle of the table. You’re back where it all started, in the first coffee shop you two ever went together. The high ceilings, bookshelves lining the walls, and warm light feels like coming home.

You take your seat across from him, thinking about just how long it’s been since you were in his presence like this. Seeing him seated across from you, fluffy black hair and all-black clothes, the familiar warm scent of his cologne, you can feel your body relax a tenseness you didn’t know it still held.

Taking a small sip of your latte, your eyes move up to meet his. “How’s your sister?” you ask.

You can tell by the way he opens his mouth and closes it again, his lips curving up into a smile as he pauses, that this was not how he expected you to start this conversation. “She’s good,” he says, a soft grin on his face. “Her surgery finally got rescheduled for later this month, so hopefully things just keep getting better from there.”

“I’m glad to hear it” you respond, your voice genuine. “I was thinking about her, and you, when we weren’t really talking as much, so I just wanted to check how things were going."

His eyes soften as he looks at you. You really do care about him. “Thanks,” he breathes.

A comfortable silence falls between you for a moment as you both slowly drink your coffees.

“So,” Megumi begins, placing an elbow on the table and his chin in his open palm, “what did you want to talk to me about?”

Your body tenses slightly, knowing this is about to be difficult.

Taking in a deep breath, you open your mouth to respond, but he cuts you off before you can get anything out. “Is this about when you kissed me?” he asks, a smirk forming on his lips as he cocks his head to the side.

“Y-yeah,” you stutter, breaking eye contact to look down at the table. You didn’t expect him to bring it up so easily, and with such…confidence?

“I figured,” he chuckles. “You know, I might not be the smartest guy here, but don’t forget I know you pretty well.” He pauses, taking another sip of his coffee. “My rough timeline was: you see Yuji at the party, you kiss me, you and Yuji fight, you make up, and now we’re here, right?”

Bringing your eyes back up, you scan his face, trying to identify what emotion he’s feeling as he walks you through exactly what happened over the past few weeks. You expect him to feel angry, betrayed, embarrassed, yet all you seem to find is…amusement?

“Mhm,” you nod, “that’s basically everything.”

His smile widens. “See, I told you I know you. If I’m being honest though, I did cheat a little bit - I could hear Yuji listening to sad music very loudly through the door for a while until it stopped about a week ago, so I figured you two made up.”

“And you’re not mad at me?” you ask, trying to hide how much your voice waivers.

“Of course not,” he chuckles. “Look, don’t take this the wrong way, but I see you strictly as a friend. I love hanging out with you and doing all the stuff we do together, but I never felt like I needed more than that. When you kissed me…” he trails off, reaching his free hand up to the back of his hair, “I figured you were just going through some stuff, and it sounds like I was right.”

You exhale, finally feeling the lingering stress about this conversation leaving your body. Your shoulders relax into the seat behind you and you close your eyes for a minute. “Thank you, Megumi,” you finally respond. “I’m really glad to have a friend like you.” A smile rests on your lips.

Turning back towards him, you open your eyes and reach your hand out to his shoulder. Just like the first time you met, he leans his cheek against the back of your hand as he stares at you from across the table, eyes soft. “Any time,” he whispers.

–

Things are…easy, again. You and Yuji’s friends - now your friends - hang out every weekend, going to some party or just playing board games on the floor of one of their dorm rooms. You grow to love Toge, the sweet white-haired boy who brought you drinks at the first party you went to with Megumi and who you learn helped Yuji smuggle in the red wine that ruined one of your dresses. You get to see Maki and Nobara together, watching how Nobara shamelessly plants herself in Maki’s lap whenever she gets a chance or pretends to steal her glasses before gently placing them back on her face with a kiss. You and Megumi still hang out all the time, too, and you even started going farther and farther off campus to search for new cafes to try. Every morning feels like a gift, in part because you get to wake up next to the warmth of your favorite person.

One night after you and Yuji return to your dorm after karaoke with your friends - at which, Nobara did an incredible rendition of Somebody To Love - the two of you are cuddling in your bed when he pulls away for a moment.

He props himself up on an elbow to look at you, his eyelids low as he traces along your hips with his fingers. He’s in nothing but his sweatpants, you in a loose t-shirt and pajama shorts. “You know…” he says, a grin tugging at the corners of his face, the one that he knows you always melt for, “there’s still one thing we didn’t get to practice.”

“Oh yeah?” you tease with a chuckle. “And what’s that?”

His eyes never leave yours, and you notice them darken slightly as he opens his mouth to speak. His voice comes out low, raspy. “I want to fuck you.”

previous chapter | series masterlist | next chapter

[tonowariswife]

tonowari x fem reader

word count: 1577

tonowari x mate!reader

“I can't believe you blatantly disagreed with me in front of them, you made me look like a fool Tonowari!” I yelled at him waving my hands around trying to make my point clear. “My love, you can't hold a grudge against them, they couldn't have known that would happen” Tonowari replied to me as he sat down, rubbing his forehead, slightly losing his patience with me. “My soul sister and her calf are gone! She didn't know it would happen either, what about them?!” I yell pointing outside to where I saw her take her last breath. “I don't want their family to stay here, it's been trouble since they got here” Referring to Jake and his family. I feel myself getting lost in anger, my sister taken away at the hands of demons, and her calf didn't even get to live a part of his life. I ball up my hands next to my sides.

“Y/n, I understand she is gone but there is nothing we can do now!” Tonowari turns to me slamming his fist down and standing up looking me in the eyes. “I can't believe you choose the demons that killed my sister, instead of your mate that's been here for you for years!” I yell at him, grabbing my basket that I used to deliver remedies and stuffing my overstay things in it. “I'm on your side and always will be, but you can't blame their deaths on their family!” I pause, grab my things and stand up and stare him down. I let an uneasy sigh escape my lips before grabbing the basket and getting ready to exit before I feel a hand grab my arm tightly. Tears brim my eyes as I bring my head up to look at him. “Where are you going?” Tonowari says, staring into my eyes. I sat down the basket I had on the floor and started to pull at his hand trying to make him let go of my arm. “Y/n listen to me, it was an accident they couldn't have known,” Tonowari says, not breaking eye contact with me “Maybe it was a mistake ever mating with you!” I say yelling at him as he lets my arm go allowing me to start walking out the doors. I could tell I hurt him but at that moment I didn't care. I was filled to the brim with anger, I just wanted my sister back safe and sound.

I find the now empty marui pod, the same one that was on the water where I first met my sister, I sit down and place my hands on my swollen belly thinking of how my sister would've loved to meet my baby closing my eyes and thinking of my sister having short flashbacks to her and how we used to go past the reef together and we used to get in trouble. I smile thinking of her and when I first met her calf and how playful and careful he acted with me. Feeling somewhat calm, I closed my eyes and sat there thinking about them.

Tsireya’s Pov:

I walked along the sandy beach with Lo’ak walking with him to make sure he returned to his marui with his family. I walked away with my hair picked behind my ear because he said he liked it like that when I ran into my brother. “Aonung, why are you still out here?” I ask, noticing my brother just sitting on the sand with a smile on my face as I look at him before sitting down. “To think, mom and dad got into an argument, and mom left somewhere.” My smile slowly faded away. “Mom and dad are soulmates, they rarely argue” Aonung nodded “I know and it's weird when they do” He responded. I knew mom wouldn't have left the Marui unless it was a serious argument. Usually when they rarely argued they would kiss and make up. “We should go check on Dad, make sure he's feeling alright,” Aonung replied, standing up before grabbing my shoulder. I nodded in agreement, hoping my mom was ok. We walked towards the Marui hearing a couple of sniffles before they stopped when we stepped into the Marui and saw dad wiping his eyes and looking at us. His eyes were red as if someone threw sand into them. He left into his room and pulled the curtain closed that blocked the door meaning he wanted to be left alone. I looked at my brother with a frown. My father never cried. I thought about whether I should go consult him. Against my better judgment, I walked to the room before a hand was placed in front of me. I turned to Aonung and he nodded no to me knowing it would be better to consult our father tomorrow.

The next day

Back to ur pov:

I woke up cold, not feeling any warmth in this once-lively marui. My eyes filled to the brim with water, it stung slightly so I let my tears fall, my hands holding my stomach crying, the pain I felt was unexplainable. The 1 person I rely most on who's been here throughout my 3 pregnancies, The person who I've loved since I met. I hurt because I was hurt. I've been known to have a short temper and anger problems but this was inexcusable.

I wanted to apologize, and this is a big thing. I never apologized first but I knew I had to say something. I grabbed my things and was ready to walk out when I ran into a big figure. I look up to see Tonowari about to knock on the wall to signal he was gonna come in. We stared at each other and my eyes softened feeling the tears come back. I don't know if it was pregnancy hormones or just plain me but I busted out crying as I felt a pair of strong arms wrap me into their embrace and pull me forward into the embrace. I look up and say softly, hardly above a whisper “I miss her so much wari” I say sniffling as I feel my knees get weak I lean down onto my knees as he didn't let go of me. We sat in silence as I looked into his eyes. Those piercing blue eyes that shined like diamonds looked back at me. “I didn't mean anything, I just want her to come back to me,” I said putting my face back into his chest still sniffling. Tears still flowed down but they slowed as I felt a hand lift my chin. “My love no matter what we go through, no matter what happens. I will never hate or give up on you. You've been hurt and I understand now just like I should have last night and I-” I put a finger up to his lips to hush him. “You need not apologize, I am sorry, I was just so angry I was saying anything. I meant nothing I said yesterday but I do mean this… I love you” Tonowari's eyes widened I never apologized first, it was always him apologizing first. He smiled as I still stared at him with a gaze, I almost rarely gave him sure I always looked at him with love in my eyes but this time the love was different. It was so much it was enough to make any man’s heart explode. I smiled back at him leaning into his chest. He leaned away and the smile disappeared off my face. Was the apology not enough? Is he still angry? Thoughts raced through my mind faster than a direhorse. He stood up and grabbed my hand and lifted me with him. He looked at me and kissed me passionately, by the time that kiss ended we were out of breath. He got down on one knee and kissed my stomach where our baby lay safe and sound. He stood back up and smiled “Look at me like that again and our baby is gonna have to make room for another one.” He smirked, grabbing my torso and pulling me toward him.

I hit his chest playfully and walked out of the Marui and realized I lost myself in love so much that I forgot my basket. I immediately turned around and saw him carrying it “wari I got it” I smiled about to take the basket and then he moved it out of the way and didn’t let me take it. I rolled my eyes laughing at his actions. I looked toward our marui as we walked there together. Little did we know there were eyes on us as we walked together. Tsireya smiled and ran up to us and hugged us tightly carefully trying to avoid my stomach. “Woah, What’s this for?” I asked holding her in the hug and looking at my mate before carefully fixing her hair she didn’t reply and just held onto me before I felt someone else hug me, my only son the one who took after me hugged us just as tight as his sister before we broke the hug Aonung says “I love our family.” I chuckled and kissed him on his forehead before our family of 4 and ½ walked into our marui to talk to enjoy each other's presence.

PART 2?

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Deadly Proposal: Part Three

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.8k

Warnings: angst, mentions of drug use, drug angst

Summary: Dean agreed to get your sister from jail but her presence makes it tense for everyone, especially you. She is a ticking time bomb that's waiting to go off.

Deadly Proposal Masterlist

Square Filled: free space (2021) for @spnquotebingo

Quote is: "Sometimes it's good to be scared. It means you still have something to lose." from Grey’s Anatomy

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

Then

You’re sitting in the front of Amber’s 2004 Ford Escort wearing your softball uniform. The only reason why Amber is driving you is because Mom forced her. She was going to book club with her friend and didn’t have time to drive you. You’re shocked Amber didn’t ask for anything in return but when she pulls into a motel parking lot, you understand why she agreed to drive you.

“You’re supposed to be driving me to softball practice,” you sigh.

“Don’t worry about it.” There are two men standing by one of the rooms, one of them smoking something. “Stay in the car.”

She gets out of the car and approaches the two men. Disappointment floods your chest but you don’t say anything. The man who is smoking smirks when he sees you but you sink down into your seat to avoid his gaze. Amber takes the money dedicated to dinner and hands it to the man who isn’t smoking. In return, the man hands her something white in a small plastic baggie. Of course. Why else would she offer to drive you other than to get drugs?

As soon as the drugs are in her hands, she heads back to the car. The men don’t stop staring at you until she is too far away to notice.

“You used the money for dinner,” you say.

“Keep your mouth shut,” she snaps.

“I’m late to practice.”

She doesn’t say anything else and continues driving.

Now

You shouldn’t be here. You should just go to bed and forget doing this. You look down the hall toward your room but your legs don’t move. You’re standing outside Dean’s office debating on whether or not you should knock. No, you shouldn’t. You’re just going to bother him with your problems that he didn't sign up for.

You’re about to leave when the door opens. Dean stands there tall with an annoyed look on his face. You should leave. Just say never mind and go to bed.

“I can smell you. What do you want?”

He turns and heads back to his desk. You step into his office and nervously play with your hands. You don’t know how to start without seeming like a desperate girl.

“So, the reason why I was in that hotel where we met is because I was on my way to pick up my sister in Boston. Um, she’s in jail and she was granted bail. I’m her only hope of getting out. I’d like to get her if it’s okay with you.”

“Where will she stay?”

“Well, um, I figure since you have so much room here…”

“No, she’s not staying here.”

“Please, Dean? She’ll only be a week. One week to get herself on her feet. She’s my sister.”

Dean’s instinct is to say no but then he sees the desperation in your eyes. He wants to say no but when he opens his mouth to respond, something else comes out.

“Fine. I’ll go with you tomorrow morning.”

“Thank you.”

Dean looks down at his hands and sees aged spots darkening. You’re about to leave when he calls your name.

“Come here. I need a sip from you.”

This is why you’re here. You’re here to provide blood for him and nothing else. Still, you feel a little proud that he chose you out of every single human on this planet. You’re the one he wants. You walk over to Dean and allow him to pull you onto his lap. You put your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself. His green eyes darken at the thought of tasting your blood again but you mistake it for something else. Maybe he enjoys you being here more than you think. The more you allow him to feed from you, the more you feel compelled to always be around him.

What are you doing to me, Dean Winchester? Why can’t I stay away? What is it about you that makes me want more?

Dean grabs your hair gently and pulls so you’re forced to expose your neck to him. He peels back the bandage from the last time he bit you, the wounds have not fully healed yet. He’d heal you but then he’d open up a new can of worms that he knows you probably won’t want to be opened. He leans in just as his fangs slide out. You feel the cold shiver before you feel him pierce your skin. Dean doesn’t take much, maybe only a pint. Still, it feels euphoric to you. Your head feels fuzzy, your eyes stay closed, and your mouth parts open.

Dean pulls away from you and replaces the bandage across the wounds he opened. He holds you close and looks down at his hands which are free of the darkened age spots. He licks his lips so there isn’t any more blood before standing up with you in his arms. He takes you to bed and lets you rest for the rest of the night.

The next morning, you’re getting ready to go to Amber’s prison when you notice the bandage on your neck. The only thing you remember is feeling like you were on Cloud 9 after Dean drank from you. You touch the bandage and wince from the soreness of your wounds, and you think about your arrangement with Dean. When you took it a few weeks ago, you were pissed at your sister for landing herself in jail. You wanted out. You wanted a better life for yourself. Dean was offering you all this stuff and it seemed so good at the time.

It still does but there is more at stake than you realize. Him drinking from you is doing something to you. Whether you two want it or not, you’re forming a blood bond. You were scared of Dean at first, but now not so much. You let your hair cover the side of your neck to hide the fact that Dean likes to bite you in the neck. Maybe you should ask him to bite you on the wrist so you can hide it better.

After getting ready, you head down to the kitchen where Dean is. The chef has already made you a meal which is sitting on the kitchen island next to Dean.

“Eat.”

“So bossy,” you grin and do as you’re told. “Listen, there’s something you should know about Amber. I should have told you this before but she’s a drug addict. The fact that she’s in jail means she hasn’t used in a while. She’ll be coming down from one of her highs, so she’ll be cranky. Don’t let her get to you.”

“Sweetheart, I am a vampire. What can she do to me?”

“Don’t say I didn't warn you,” you shrug

Boston is only an hour and a half from Dean’s mansion so it doesn’t take long until you’re at the prison.

“Hi, I’m here for Amber Bishop.” You look at Dean. “We don’t have the same last name. Believe it or not, she was married, and when she got divorced she hung onto his last name. She was in love with him but he wasn’t in love with her.”

“That’s sad.”

“Yeah,” you whisper.

The officer hands you some forms to sign before getting her. As soon as she sees you, she bursts into tears.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” You bring her into your arms and let her cry on your shoulder. “I promise to do better. I just slipped up.”

“I know.”

Dean’s face remains stoic as you two bring her to the car. You can’t help but feel ashamed of your sister’s state. You place her in the back seat and she immediately passes out from exhaustion. Dean is silent for the next thirty minutes as soft music flows through the speakers.

“One week, Y/N. She’s gone after that.”

“Okay. One week.”

Dean arrives at home and immediately leaves you to take care of your sister alone. You let her use your body as support as you take her to one of the empty bedrooms next to yours. She is in tears the second she lays on the bed. You tug off her shoes and socks before moving up her body. You pull off her shirt and give her a sleep shirt to use for now.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry,” she cries.

“I know you are.” You smooth down her hair. “Just get some sleep, okay?”

You can’t help but think about the first time you had to care for her after she took drugs.

You snuck downstairs to get some water after waking with a dry throat. You took a water bottle from the fridge when the front door opened. Amber came stumbling in with red eyes and roughed clothing.

“Amber?” you whispered.

“Y/N, you gotta help me.”

She stumbled over to you and fell into your arms. The water bottle dropped from your hand, and you’re thankful the cap was on. Your parents were sleeping upstairs and you did not want to wake them. 

“Come on, let’s go upstairs.” You tried to be as quiet as you could as you snuck your sister upstairs to her room. She crashed onto her bed with tears streaming down her face. “Did you take drugs?”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I promise not to do this again. I’m sorry.”

You leave Amber alone in her room and go down to the kitchen where food is waiting for you. You pick up your fork to eat but you’re suddenly not so hungry. You set your fork down and move the plate away from you.

“So, what’s her deal?” Dean asks when he walks into the kitchen.

“She ran with the wrong crowd in high school. Even before that. She didn’t start getting into drugs until she was a senior. I remember when I was twelve, I had softball practice that she was supposed to drive me to but she stopped to meet two men. She used the dinner money to buy drugs. Even before that, I remember her coming home after using drugs for the first time. She keeps promising never to do it again and she keeps breaking that promise.” You look down at your lap. “Sometimes, I’m scared I’ll come home and see her dead on the ground or something.”

“So?”

You look at Dean like he grew three heads.

“Sometimes it's good to be scared. It means you still have something to lose. I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t know how much more disappointment I can take.”

“Then why do you help her?”

“You sound like my parents,” you scoff. “She’s my sister, Dean.”

“Let me tell you something. Just because she’s blood doesn’t make her family. You should cut her loose before she brings you down.”

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”

Dean’s eyes darken with something mysterious and dangerous.

“Story time is over. Eat.”

Dean leaves the kitchen immediately, and you grab the fork again. You’re not sure what’s going to happen with your sister but you have a feeling it’s not going to be good.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[beardedmrbean]

The family of an Israeli woman being kept captive in the Gaza Strip has released her final, heartbreaking phone call with her mother — in which the terrorists could be heard arguing over who gets to kidnap her.

Romi Gonen, 23, called her mother, Meirav, just moments after the car in which she was fleeing the Nova Music Festival on Oct. 7 was ambushed by Hamas terrorists.

She was cowering from gunfire inside the vehicle, apparently in pain, as her best friend Gaya Halifa, 24, lay dying in front of her.

Trying to comfort her daughter, Meirav, 54, could be heard gently telling Romi: “Romichoo, I’m with you, sweetheart. Everything is going to be OK.

“We will go to the hospital — you will get better and we will take a trip anywhere you wish together … I am with you, my beauty,” Meirav says in the clip, originally obtained by the Daily Mail.

As gunfire and explosions could be heard getting closer, Romi — who was shot in the arm and lost movement in her hand — tries to make sure her mother is still listening on the other end.

“Hello? Mommy?”

Meirav responds by asking for details about the car she is in, so that she can send rescue teams.

But when she gets no response, the mother assures her, “Romily, you’re not alone. You’re with me, my beautiful one. Everything is OK.”

Meirav went on to stay on the line for 45 minutes, but the Gonen family said much of the recording is too painful to release.

It began around 10:14 a.m., when Romi informed her mom: “Mom, we were ambushed.”

“The driver is probably dead. Gaya was shot and she’s not answering. Ofir was shot, and I was shot in my arm,” the daughter said, according to the Daily Mail.

“Mommy, just so you know, I’ll be dead if no one will come.”

As the reality that this might be the last time she spoke to her daughter dawned on her, Meirav said, she decided to start recording the call.

“My mom told us she understood that no one was coming,” said Yarden, Romi’s older sister.

“She changed her voice to be much more calm, loving, just telling her how much she loved her and that everything will be OK.”

“She said she wanted her to hear her voice loud and clear, that she will know there is hope and that she will fight for her and that she loves her.”

In fact, in the final moments of the call, Meirav could be heard promising Romi they will return to the café they were dining at just three days earlier, and “you will tell me everything after you heal.”

But the terrorists soon arrived, opened up the car and could be heard debating whether to kill her and a man she was traveling with, Ofir Tzarfati, 27.

In the clip, the terrorists could be heard arguing over who got to kidnap to her, according to the Daily Mail.

Ultimately, they dragged Romi away and took her as a hostage.

Tzarfati was later confirmed dead, as was Halifa and the man who risked his own life to rescue them — Ben Shimoni, 31, who earned the title “the Angel of Nova.”

He had managed to escape from the music festival that morning, but returned twice to rescue nine other people.

Shimoni made one final effort to go back for his friend, Halifa, and they were on their way out when they were ambushed.

He called his girlfriend, Jessica Elter, 27, and told her he would come back home with them when he suddenly could be heard asking, “What is that? Terrorists?,” she told the Daily Mail.

Shimoni was soon shot and killed, as was Halifa, who sat next to him in the front.

Romi, a trained medic, tried to take her pulse when she was shot.

For 55 days, the Gonen family said, they did not know for certain what had happened to Romi.

Finally, as hostages were released in November, a few approached them and reported they saw her alive in Gaza, Yarden said.

They informed the family that after the phone call with Meirav cut out, she was pulled by the hair and her wounded arm and thrown to the floor of the terrorists’ car.

She apparently tried to play dead, but when she peeked out at one point, a terrorist hit her in the head with the butt of a shotgun — leaving her with a black eye and a broken back.

“They told us that her gunshot wound on her arm wasn’t treated good,” Yarden said.

“Her hand does not function. Her fingers are barely moving and are changing colors — and that was nine weeks ago.”

But, she said: “They told us also that she’s strong, that she’s holding up, that she believes in us — that we will do anything to rescue her: She knows that, she knows us and she knows our character and that’s what makes her feel stronger.”

Yarden and Elter are demanding that Romi be brought back home so Shimoni’s final sacrifice will not have been in vain. 

In the meantime, Yarden said, “Sometimes I feel the pain [is] so powerful, like I’m going to explode from the inside.

“I really miss her.”

[whitedarkmoonflower]

Saved Part 3

Sihtric x reader

Authors note: the outcome of the poll was quite clear 😊 I hear read and obey, my masters!

Summary: reader is Uhtred’s sister and a skilled healer. She travels with her brother’s men and after the unsuccessful attempt on Uhtred’s life gets curious about the young prisoner, the sole Dane from the group of assailants that is left alive.

Warning: 18+, SMUT

Word Count: 4,978

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3

An awkward silence hung between you and Sihtric as you sat beneath the old oak tree. You could see that he was searching for words to continue the conversation, but as he hesitated your mind began to drift again.

Nearly a year had passed since the day Sihtric had joined your brother’s man. You couldn't help but smile remembering Sihtric’s early days in the camp. He appeared utterly lost at times, unsure of what to do with his newfound freedom. He eagerly took on any tasks available, striving to be useful while remaining unnoticed as much as possible. During the evenings, he would simply vanish, never seen drinking, gambling, or engaging in any quarrels with the other men. However, what puzzled you the most was his attitude towards you. It wasn't as if he was intentionally avoiding you, but it was evident that he made a conscious effort to stay out of your way as much as possible.

“Sihtric,” you called out as you spotted him tending to the horses a week after. He turned his head with a startled and surprised look on his face.

“Yes, Lady!” he responded, facing you with a bowed head and his gaze fixed on the ground before his feet. His hands hung awkwardly at his sides, his entire body displaying visible tension.

“Can I do something for you, Lady?”

“No, not really. Just wanted to ask you, whether you are fine. I haven’t seen you a while,” you approached him and stood directly in front of him.

“You haven’t been avoiding me, have you?”

“No, Lady, certainly not. I was just … I…,” he struggled to find the right words, his face blushing with trepidation. His nervousness was endearing and captivating, bringing a smile to your face.

“Let me see your brow,” you ordered and Sihtric hesitantly raised his head, allowing you to inspect his wound. He closed his eyes as you examined it.

“It has healed, but the scar will be quite noticeable,” you remarked, gently touching his brow with your thumb. “You should have come to me earlier to have the stitches removed.”

“I did not want to bother you, Lady,” Sihtric murmured, completely frozen, his body tense like a tightly wound bow, his muscles clenched. You stepped back and observed him exhale and relax slightly.

“Come to my tent later when you finish with the horses. I will remove the stiches,” you instructed, smiling encouragingly before turning to walk away. With a quick glance you noticed that Sihtric remained motionless for a moment, his muscles still tense and eyes closed. Eventually, he regained his composure, shook himself, and turned to attend to the horses.

You couldn't help but feel curious about whether Sihtric would show up afterward. It was unexpected to discover that your mere presence could be so intimidating, but it was clear that the young Dane felt uneasy when you were close. Hours had passed, and you had completely forgotten about Sihtric as you were called to tend to a broken leg, a task that required applying splints and securing bandages. By the time you returned to your tent, twilight had descended, and you noticed a silhouette standing before the entrance. The figure raised its hand as if about to open the tent flaps, only to retract it and linger there, seemingly gathering strength and courage to enter. The hand rose again, almost touching the flaps, but at the last moment, it was lowered, accompanied by a sigh, and the figure turned to walk away. You instantly recognised Sihtric and called out his name, causing him to freeze and turn in the direction of the sound.

“Yes, Lady!” came his familiar response.

“You know I don’t bite and if you were to inquire, I'm sure you would hear that I don't eat young warriors for breakfast,” you couldn’t resist teasing him slightly.

“Come inside,” you ordered with firm voice and Sihtric obediently followed you.

“Sit down on that bench over there, near the candles,” you continued as he looked at you in confusion, unsure of where to move and what to do.

You fetched your instruments and a jar of salve. Approaching Sihtric you sensed the tension building up in his body once again. However, this time you chose to ignore it. You had a valid reason to get as close to him as possible, so you positioned yourself between his legs and began your work. Carefully, you cut the stitches and pulled them out with a pair of tweezers. Then, you applied the salve to his brow and massaged it thoroughly with your fingers. You hummed softly, as you always did when working. Being a healer was not just a skill for you; it was your true calling. When you were immersed in your work, everything else faded away, and this tent became your sanctuary, and you were the priestess.

Sihtric’s anxiety and tension gradually relaxed, and this time he kept his eyes open, observing you with a mixture of awe and bewilderment. You were so close that you could feel his breath on your skin, and you could hear the quickening of his heartbeat.  And again you found yourself drawn to this young man, fascinated by him, though you weren't yet willing to admit it to yourself. There was something about him that radiated a captivating combination of submissiveness and insecurity, intertwined with boldness, strength, and sincerity.

“I don’t understand, Lady,” Sihtric's words broke the silence, surprising you. You looked at him, puzzled.

“I still can’t understand why you are doing this. I am a nobody, a bastard, the son of a man who destroyed your family, and I was sent to kill your brother. In truth, I don’t even deserve to be here. I don’t deserve lord Uhtred’s trust and I certainly don’t deserve your attention,” his words, spoken with humility and self-deprecation caught you off guard, “I… I was avoiding you because I didn’t know how to thank you. I doubt I will ever be able to repay you… You are so…,” he hesitated searching for the right words, “different. I have never met anyone like you.”

“Sihtric!” you gently interrupted him, placing your palms around his neck and cupping his cheekbone with your thumb.

“Stop it. You can’t hold things against yourself that were beyond your control, things your father did,” you gazed at his handsome, sharply defined face, admiring his strong jaw, captivating eyes, and straight nose.

Your eyes lingered on his lips, and you were so tempted to lean in and kiss them that you had to release your grip on him. You weren't ready to confess your feelings to yourself, let alone to Sihtric. However, your cheeks flushed, and you noticed your heart racing and pounding with such intensity that you thought he must have sensed it. But it seemed that Sihtric was completely oblivious to your state. At the same moment you let go of him, he wrapped his arms around your waist and buried his face in your clothes. He breathed in your scent, holding onto you, and it became apparent to you that he was sobbing. His shoulders trembled, and his whole body shook. You placed your hand on his head, allowing your fingers to trail through his hair, gently caressing him.

"Sihtric, I am certain that you deserve everything that has happened in these few days, and much more," you whispered, taken aback by his reaction. "Sihtric, can you hear me? You deserve all the good things that can and will happen to you. Never doubt that!” you were soothing him.

In that very moment he abruptly released his hold on you, jumping off the bench and pushing you aside rather roughly. An expression of absolute embarrassment covered his face as he stormed out of your tent.

From that day forward, Sihtric avoided you profoundly, and you accepted that. You understood that he was embarrassed by the vulnerability you had witnessed and didn't want to remind him of it. He needed time to adjust and to accept his new life. And you were willing to give him that time, especially because you needed it too. You still hadn’t sorted out your own feeling for him.

Months passed, battles were fought, and the life went on. You had plenty of work and you loved it, as it helped you to keep Sihtric out of your mind. Uhtred along with you and his warriors had returned to his estate in Cochem when news arrived that the Princess Ettelflaed of Wessex were kidnapped. Uhtred sent Sihtric to Beamfleot to spy on Erik and Sigfried and gather information. Upon his return, Uhtred selected a small group of his most trusted men, including Sihtric, and set off to rescue the princess. It was absolutely mad plan, but it worked, and the princess was safely delivered back to her father. Sihtric proved himself to be not only a reliable and skilled spy but also a skilled warrior. You observed him gradually gaining confidence and finding his place among Uhtred's most trusted companions. And you were pleased when he finally ceased avoiding you, and your somewhat awkward relationship turned into casual conversations and encounters, much like you had with the other men in Uhtred's company. You convinced yourself that your feelings for Sihtric were merely genuine sympathy, and you were content knowing that Uhtred had found such a loyal and worthy friend in him. He had become a part of your family, and you loved him as a brother.

However, if you had allowed yourself to think about Sihtric’s behaviour more carefully, you would have noticed that he not only stopped avoiding you, but actively sought your presence, seizing every opportunity to be near you.

He was always eager to help you get off your horse, and whenever the opportunity arose, his hands lingered on your waist for a moment longer than necessary. And each time you failed to notice that a tinge of sadness flickered in his eyes. He followed you with his eyes when he believed you were not looking. Had you paid closer attention, you would have seen the gentle yearning in his eyes. You were oblivious how his eyes lightened up with anticipation whenever he saw you entering the great hall to join the evening feasts. Perhaps you really did not notice these subtleties. Or maybe you had intentionally chosen not to see these signs, fearing that they would disrupt what you had convinced yourself of – that your feelings for him were nothing more than sisterly love and joy for his transformation.

Meanwhile Sihtric slowly, but surely began to lose hope of recapturing your attention. He had been so weak and so vulnerable, losing his composure and succumbing to tears in your presence like a small child. 

It was unworthy behaviour for a warrior, and he was uncertain if he would ever be able to approach you without feeling embarrassed. He couldn’t even dare to dream that you could feel anything beyond pity for him. And pity was the last thing he desired from you. He longed to impress you, to earn your admiration and respect, but above all, he craved for your love.

But dream he did and his dreams were filled with you. Most frequently he dreamed of your first encounter – the brief glimpse he managed to cast on you, holding Uhtreds hands, as he was being dragged away by Clapa. Your beauty had struck him and his only thought at that moment had been, how fortunate Uhtred was to have such a stunning and caring wife. That dream always reminded him how later that night you suddenly stood before him, inquiring if he was hurt and he believed the gods were cruelly playing with him, driving him to madness.

You had taken his breath away. Your strong and self-assured presence, your genuine care for him, your hands tenderly touching his face as you cleaned up the blood, the fragrance he inhaled when you knelt beside him to tend to his wound – it stirred emotions within him that he never knew they existed. Everything that happened that night and the following day seemed utterly surreal and impossible to him - your mad proposal, his oath, and his newfound freedom.

He had often dreamt of escaping Dunholm, leaving behind his indifferent father, who seemed to notice him only when there was a cause to punish him. He had yearned to be free from a life where misery and beatings had become the norm, and where the only solace he found was in his sword training. Even the gruff warrior who instructed the youngsters and was eager to beat them for every mistake, could not deny Sihtric’s talent with the blade. The lessons became his salvation. He trained with relentless determination, pushing himself to complete exhaustion, and dreamed of becoming a true warrior. And then, in the most unlikely and unbelievable manner, his dreams became a reality.

At first, he attempted to remain invisible, as he had learned to do in Dunholm, keeping himself out of sight as much as possible. However, an entire week had passed, and no one had treated him with deliberate cruelty. He was not driven away from the fires when seeking warmth, food and ale were provided for him, and he was even given furs to keep himself covered at night.

Then, at the end of that first week, he encountered you again. He had not actively avoided you, nor had he sought you out. He was unsure of how to act in your presence, uncertain of what to say or how to properly express his gratitude. He was afraid that most probably he will not be able to say anything at all. Overwhelming surge of emotions overcame him in your tent, having you so close to him that he could hear your heartbeat, feeling once again the tender touch of your hands on his face, and breathing in your scent that had driven him to madness already the previous time. In that moment, something broke deep inside of him, and tears welled up in his eyes, impossible to hold back. He buried his face in your clothes and wept, something he hadn't allowed himself since his mother's death fifteen years ago when he was a mere four-year-old boy.

As you whispered comforting words and gently stroked his head, he tried to regain his composure. His weakness embarrassed him, and he wished for the earth to open and swallow him whole, to avoid meeting your gaze. It was then, when driven by that shame, he abruptly stormed out of the tent, convinced that he would never be able to look into your eyes again without feeling an overwhelming sense of shame.

He volunteered for each, and every task Uhtred proposed, hoping to prove to you just how skilled, brave, and strong he was, determined to show that he was not a weakling unable to control his own emotions. And indeed, he was good in everything he was doing. He had become one of Uhtred's most trusted men, a friend and companion. However, the one person he cared about the most, the person he wanted to impress above all, seemed to no longer notice him, and Sihtric felt a growing sense of desperation.

He tried to forget about you, spending his silver on women in the cities they visited, searching for someone who could overshadow you. But each time he returned to Cocchem and saw you again, he was captivated anew. His gaze would scan your features, and he would dream of holding you in his arms. Every time you spoke to him, he bit his tongue to keep his feelings from spilling out.

And then Ragnar arrived. He had assembled enough warriors to finally settle his blood feud with Kjartan and had come to ask if Uhtred would join him and today, they were marching together to Dunholm. Sihtric was present when the decision was made. He had shared all he knew about Dunholm with Uhtred, and one thing he was certain of was that Dunholm was an impregnable fortress. Even with the well-thought-out plan, many men would die in this endeavor. Sihtric did not fear death; it was a constant presence in his life as a warrior. But what truly frightened him was the possibility of dying before he could confess his feelings to you. And this time you were not coming with them. Uhtred had forbidden it, claiming it was too dangerous. Knowing that Sihtric had wrestled with himself the previous night, unable to find sleep, and now here he was, sitting beside you under the oak tree, unable to find the right words.

“I...we...you know, we are marching to Dunholm," Sihtric finally managed to continue the conversation, drawing you away from your thoughts. "I...uhh...ehh, I just wanted to thank you before we leave. I don't think I ever managed to properly thank you for everything you've done for me."

"Sihtric, you don't have to. I'm happy to have you by my brother's side. You've already saved his life more than once, and that means the world to me," you turned to face him, your eyes scanning his handsome features, his strong jaw, his captivating eyes, the scars on his face and arms—some new ones catching your attention. You couldn't deny that he was incredibly attractive. Your gaze unintentionally wandered to his broad chest and back to his muscular arms, and in a surprising moment, you found yourself imagining his strong arms enveloping your shoulders, pulling you close to his chest. Your breathing quickened, and willing to escape the awkwardness of the moment, you stood up, intending to leave. However, Sihtric immediately reached out and grabbed your hand.

"Don't! Please, don't leave," there was a mix of desperation and fear in his voice, causing you to halt in astonishment. Sihtric rose to his feet, still holding your hand, and locked his gaze with yours.

"I can't leave without saying this to you," he muttered. "I just don't know how. I don't know how to find the right words."

"To say what?" you asked, your heart pounding.

"That I love you!" The words finally escaped Sihtric's lips, barely audible. Sihtric kept his gaze interlocked with yours, waiting for your reaction, while you stared back at him in utter surprise. And in that moment, a realization struck you—something you couldn't deny any longer. Your well-crafted arguments that you loved him as a brother crumbled instantaneously, as you admitted to yourself the truth that had always been there: you loved him too. You had loved him from the very first sight of him, from his first hesitant words spoken that evening.

"You are so beautiful, so strong and confident, so bold and kind. I...I have never met anyone like you before," Sihtric whispered, still holding onto you. He gently placed his other hand on your neck, his thumb softly caressing your cheek. "And I know I don't deserve you...all I wanted was to earn your respect, to show you that I am worthy of your attention," Sihtric continued, his eyes locked with yours. Doubt and despair began to creep into his gaze as he searched for any sign, a hint from you that his feelings were not in vain, that there might be a chance you liked him at least.

However, you were too taken aback by the turn of the conversation to form any words, and Sihtric interpreted it as rejection. His eyes darkened, and he let go of you.

"You don't have to say anything. I'm sorry. It was foolish of me to think that you could want someone like me," he stepped back, and you could see the pain and heartbreak written plainly on his face.

"Sihtric," you exclaimed, finally breaking free from your astonishment. "Wait, don't you dare to leave me again!" And this time, it was you who grabbed his hand in a panicked attempt to stop him from storming away.

"I love you, you incredibly foolish man!" there was a mixture of excitement, tenderness, and frustration in your voice as you stepped closer to him.

"You love me?" Sihtric questioned in disbelief and astonishment, yet his strong arms were already pulling you closer until he held you in his embrace, pressing you tightly against his chest, his forehead resting against yours.

"I love you! And you never had to prove or show me anything! Love doesn't work that way, Sihtric!" you whispered, “Don’t you remember what I said to you – you deserve all the good things that will happen to you and even more. You deserve being loved and cared for,” and as these words escaped your lips Sihtric leaned in to kiss them. It was a gentle and tender kiss, his lips timidly brushing against yours, as if seeking permission to be there. And feeling a shiver run down your spine from the tight grip of his arms around your waist, you responded to his kiss eager for more.

Your lips parted and his tongue slid inside meeting yours. The kiss deepened and soon you both found yourself gasping for breath, unwilling to let go of each other. Sihtric’s hands traced your contours. So many times, being with other women, he had been imagining it was you he were holding in his arms and now that even this dream had come true, he could hardly believe it.

He craved for you and without a moment hesitation his hands trembling in desperate eagerness started to untie your dress and a gasp escaped his lips with his breath taken away in awe when the dress slid down over your shoulders to your waist, revealing your naked upper body to his sight. You leaned yourself against the tree and Sihtric took a step back marveling you with his hungry eyes, he unbuckled his coat and spread it on the ground, just to grab your hands again and pull you back in his tight embrace.

His body pressed against yours and the touch of his rough fingers on your skin made you exhale loudly aching for more. Your fingers traced alongside Sihtric’s strong arms, reached his chest and you started undoing his armour, pulling it eagerly over his head as soon as it was loose enough. Your hands were instantly back on his waist and started undoing his breeches. Even through the clothes you could feel how aroused and hard he already was, and you moaned in satisfaction feeling that he was consumed by the desire of you as much as you craved for him.

All you wanted in that moment was to feel him inside you. You had been waiting for him so long, you did not want any foreplay. You needed to feel him filling you and claiming you as his. You let the dress drop to your feet and stepped out of it. Sihtric’s tongue was sliding up your throat, his breath heavy in arousal and anticipation. He stiffened for a moment in hesitation and raised his head for his eyes to meet yours in a silent plea for a permission.

“Please, take me! I need you; I need to feel you inside me or I will just go mad,” you begged him. Groaning in pleasure at your words he grabbed the back of your thighs and lifted you up. You responded to his movement by wrapping your legs around his waist. Sihtric pushed your back against the tree and thrusted deep inside you with a hoarse moan of pleasure escaping his lips. He froze for a moment, taking delight in sensing your walls tightly around his cock.

“Gods, you are so perfect,” he murmured in your ear, “so beautiful and mine. Finally, mine!”

“More, Sihtric, I need more of you! Don’t hold back,” you whimpered, and he obeyed instantly, by pulling his cock out and slamming back into you, over and over again, his movements getting faster with each thrust, his breath heavier and his moans louder.

“So good, my love!” he hissed, “You are made for me! So perfect, so tight around me,” he praised you and when you didn’t answer immersed in the oblivion of you own pleasure, feeling your climax quickly building up, you heard him breathing in your ear: “My love … Please, say it to me,” he whimpered. “I need to hear it. I want to hear that you are enjoying me, that I am pleasuring you.”

“Oh … Gods, Sihtric!” you could only whine, digging your nails in his back and trying to adjust your movements to his ever-faster pace, “You are driving me mad! You are so good, don’t stop, please just don’t stop!” you begged him and with these words you reached your peak with a loud moan.

Feeling your walls clenching against his cock, Sihtric buried his face in your neck and pressed himself further into you. Your eyes widened in surprise. His cock filled you, reaching unimaginably deep inside you, hitting the back walls and all the pleasure spots of your vagina, and even before the waves of your first peak managed to subside you were aroused again.

“Can you handle a little bit more of me, my love?” Sihtric mumbled in your ear.

“Yes, yes… aah, Sihtric,” you called his name arching your back.

Sihtric hesitantly pulled out, earning a surprised moan from you, and gently lay you down on his cloak, lowering his body on yours and settling himself between your legs. You felt him pushing inside you again and moaned in pleasure.

“You are my love, my saviour, my healer and my goddess and I will be worshipping you as long as I live,” Sihtric whispered locking his gaze with you.

“Aah, Sihtric,” you gasped digging your nails into his hips as he started thrusting into you deep and hard, “Gods, how good you feel inside me!”

“Mhm,” Sihtric grunted in pleasure, “Look into my eyes, my love!” he demanded, “I want you to look in my eyes when you come. You have the most beautiful eyes, I have ever seen!” His groans were filling the air, making you forget everything around you. Feeling his body brushing against your clit and his cock ravaging you from inside you raised your eyes to meet his and let out a loud scream as another climax washed over you, with your whole-body trembling in excitement and in the same instant you felt Sihtric reaching his high and spilling within you with a passionate and loud growl.

You both were breathing heavily, Sihtric’s forehead was resting upon yours and his hand was gently cupping your cheek. He kissed you tenderly and wrapped his arms around you as his lips kept placing hot kisses down your jaw and neck with unending love and gentleness in his movements.

“I love you,” you whispered to him.

“I love you too, my goddess. I always loved you, from the very first sight of you. I was completely lost, and you gave me a reason to live, and I promise, I will come back to you,” Sihtric placed a tender kiss on your forehead. Deep inside him he had been afraid of returning to Dunholm, afraid that his old life would consume him and shatter his dreams. But now he was certain that nothing would prevent him from coming back home to you.

---------------------------------------------

"You can set up my tent now," a familiar firm voice echoed through the camp, and two figures sitting by the fireplace immediately stood up as if startled by a venomous snake. Uhtred and Sihtric exchanged bewildered and disbelieving glances.

"No, no, no...it can't be true," Uhtred growled, turning towards the direction of the voice. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, peering into the darkness.

"Did you really think you could leave me behind? I thought you knew me better," you chuckled, emerging from the shadows, and approaching the fireplace.

"Uhtred, I am a grown up woman, free to travel wherever I wish. If it makes you feel better, let's pretend I'm visiting that old healer from Lindisfarena near Dunholm," you said, looking at Sihtric, who was taken completely aback by your sudden appearance, his face involuntarily lighting up with a broad smile. It had been foolish of him to believe that you would obediently stay back home, as Uhtred had insisted. Sihtric knew he had fallen in love with an extraordinary woman – kind, fearless, strong-willed, and confident – and he never wanted you to change. As you drew closer, he embraced you, lifted you in the air, and spun you around as if you were a feather. Setting you down on your feet, Sihtric leaned in and passionately kissed your lips.

"Sihtric," anger, surprise, and bewilderment laced Uhtred's voice, "what are you doing with my sister?"

"I love her, Lord!" Sihtric answered without hesitation.

[robininthelabyrinth]

for the fanfic prompts: au where wwx comes from the old and respected yiling wei sect and jc and jyl are the children of rogue cultivators (or maybe madam yu ran away with rogue jfm?), taken in by sect leader wei

ao3

"I'm going to strangle Jiang Cheng when I find him," Wei Wuxian announced. "No, don't try to talk me out of it. My decision on this is final."

"Mm," Lan Wangji said. He didn't sound especially convinced, but Wei Wuxian supposed he could understand and forgive that - after all, Wei Wuxian had been waffling for quite a while on what he was going to do to Jiang Cheng once he found him.

Because he was going to find him. That part was non-negotiable.

Wei Wuxian was going to find his stupid little shidi who'd never had a kind word in his poisonous little mouth, but whose heart was as soft as his tone was hard. His shidi who had always been so painfully grateful for the way Wei Wuxian's parents had taken him and his sister into their sect after his own parents had died so unwisely on a night hunt - Jiang Yanli had been visiting with them anyway, her chronic weakness having flared up, but Jiang Cheng had been who-knows-where with them at the time. He never talked about what had happened back then, and neither did he talk about what he'd endured the following year when no one had been able to find him as he slowly made his determined way back to Yiling, terrified down to his bones that Jiang Yanli had been thrown out as soon as the news had spread. He'd only been eight, and all alone, but he hadn't let anything stop him.

Really, Wei Wuxian should have realized long ago that Jiang Cheng would be inclined to do some completely insane if it was for the sake of Yiling Wei. Jiang Cheng's family motto had been attempt the impossible, far more ambitious than Yiling Wei's live true to yourself, and Jiang Cheng persisted in thinking that he owed them his life. And Jiang Cheng always paid back his debts, whether real or imagined.

Wei Wuxian was going to strangle him.

And then he was going to hug him and never let him go ever again. He was going to keep Jiang Cheng safe this time, and he was never going to have to see his stubborn shidi turning his back on him again, turning back to the burning mountain that needed someone with the key to the defensive array to hold down long enough to deceive the invading Wen sect into thinking Yiling Wei was still there. He was never going to have to lie there on that horrible talisman-powered boat, paralyzed by whatever poisonous concoction Jiang Cheng had slipped into their drinks at dinner as they'd debated escape versus staying to fight a suicidal battle, unable to do anything as Jiang Cheng saved his entire family at the cost of his own life...

No, that wasn't right. Jiang Cheng hadn't given up his life for theirs - he hadn’t. He'd been captured by the Wen sect, yes, and then he'd been taken away to who-knows-where, but there wasn't any proof he was actually dead. 

Wei Wuxian was going to find him. 

He was going to find him, and he was going to strangle him, and then he was going to bring him home where he belonged.

“You can strangle him too if you like, if you promise not to use that ridiculous arm strength of yours,” Wei Wuxian offered to Lan Wangji, who rolled his eyes at him. “I’m serious! It doesn’t have to be strangling. You can kick him instead…well, I don’t know. Do you Lan have ridiculous leg strength, too?”

Lan Wangji didn’t dignify that with any response.

Typical, really.

Luckily, Wei Wuxian’s mother had given him good advice – very good, since Wei Wuxian took after his eternally oblivious father in regards to romance – and so he just waited patiently to see if Lan Wangji was actually deliberately ignoring him or if he just needed some time to gather his thoughts.

(Or, you know, be shamed by his fine-tuned etiquette skills into responding anyway. This was apparently a strategy that worked really well on members of the Lan sect in particular, or at least on Lan Wangji’s uncle – and everyone always said that a nephew most resembled their uncles…)

“…I brought rope,” Lan Wangji said after a while.

Wei Wuxian blinked. Rope? Well, of course Lan Wangji had brought rope – they didn’t know where Jiang Cheng was, after all, and there were always situations where rope might be useful for climbing or marking a path or –

“To tie him up.”

Or that.

Wei Wuxian once again congratulated himself on having excellent taste in romantic partners, even if it had taken him his mother (and, more embarrassingly, his father) pointing out to him that what he was feeling was romantic attraction and not just, as he’d believed, an overwhelming desire to get Lan Wangji’s undivided attention and torment him into friendship.

(Wei Wuxian still couldn’t believe his father had dared to say something about him not getting it. That rotten hypocrite had asked his own wife on the eve of their wedding if she actually liked him like that! He didn’t get to judge other people for being a little slow on the uptake!)

Once Wei Wuxian had realized, of course, naturally he’d dragged Jiang Cheng all the way back to the Cloud Recesses with him to try to spend more time with Lan Wangji. Never mind his own initial obliviousness, once he was set on a course of action, no one could stymie him – he’d been sure he’d be able to win the icy Lan-er-gongzi’s heart, and sure enough, he’d been right! Even if exactly how he’d managed to do it remained mystifyingly unclear, the main point was, he’d done it!

It hadn’t occurred to him at the time that it was in any way odd to take Jiang Cheng with him.

It was Jiang Cheng! They went everywhere together, did everything together – they’d even been born only a few days apart, Wei Wuxian leading and Jiang Cheng following, just the way it ought to be, just the way it always was. Sure, Jiang Cheng grumbled and complained, but that was just how he was; Wei Wuxian would even bet that he’d left the womb grumbling rather than crying.  If he’d really objected to something, he would have just shut himself up like a turtle, refusing to engage, and there would be no force in the heavens and earth that could get him to come out, so, really, the fact that he came along meant that he didn’t mind, no matter his complaining that it was wrong to bring a third party on a date.

Wei Wuxian, for his part, had just felt that it would be even more wrong to leave him out.

That had been all that it was or so he thought. At the time, anyway.

He really was just – very oblivious.

And then there’d been that one beautiful summer afternoon when he’d finally cornered Lan Wangji all on his own and they’d ended up kissing for half a shi before Wei Wuxian had, rather unconsciously, said, “I can’t wait to see what Jiang Cheng thinks of this! …where is he, anyway? Wasn’t he supposed to come on this hunt with us?”

Lan Wangji had hummed and nodded. “He made a mistake.”

“A mistake?”

“Mm. He thought we wanted privacy.”

Wei Wuxian hadn’t been able to resist a wicked smirk – they had, hadn’t they? Only…he wanted privacy from the rest of the world, sure; no one else was allowed to see Lan Wangji all red-eared and flustered, kissed until his lips were pink. But the rest of the world didn’t include Jiang Cheng, who had to see it: he would probably have the funniest comments to say about it, and if he didn’t see it, how would he make them?

“A mistake,” Lan Wangji had said again, and this time he sounded far more serious, serious and solemn. “He thought he was unwelcome, but he is not. By…either of us.”

That had been the first time Wei Wuxian had congratulated himself on his exquisite taste.

Truly, Lan Wangji was his soulmate. How else would he understand so well what Wei Wuxian had only just begun to realize for himself? That he didn’t just want Jiang Cheng by his side as his future right hand, but by his side, forever, in all things, even this?

Lan Wangji even had the good taste to want Jiang Cheng for himself as well. He was perfect.

They both were.

They were both perfect, and they were both necessary, neither one any less than the other, and once Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji found Jiang Cheng, they were going to beat that fact into his rotten head once and for all. And then tie him up and take him home and never, ever, ever let him go.

As soon as they found him.

Because they were going to find him, no matter where the Wen might have taken him. Even if he was in the depths of the Fire Palace or the depths of the Yunmeng ghost marsh, that stinking pit so full of drowned souls that even the fish couldn’t make it in, they were going to find him and bring him home.

Because Jiang Cheng was theirs.