#if its not clear i dont have especially high hopes for this going well

[fortjester]

Going to my first psych appointment since before my dad died. Wish me luck

[cawcawbeech]

SIX OF CROWS AND KISSING !!

(Welcome to this silly but intricate guide nobody asked for)

Just so everybody knows and is fully aware, I literally never kissed anybody in my whole damn life. I dont much care to try (for now) unless your name is Amita fucking Suman (jkjk, or not), but that doesnt mean I didnt do some very extensive research on the topic just so I can write what are hopefully non-generic scenes where all of my favorite characters make out till the following sunrise without a single other thought plaguing their empty little minds (exception being if the said thought is used to deepen 'the plot').

Before I say much else, I would like to note that THIS is just a very detailed bullet point list on kissing for all of my boys and girls separate of their partners assigned to them in canon or by the fandom. We will get to how it would actually go in different scenarios with different ships a bit later on if I decide it wont be a waste of my time. PS: No, not every kiss / kisser has to be extraordinary or unique or have whatever traits I ended up slapping on these characters here, Im just extra like that. And its not like anybody can stop me. Deal with it and simply enjoy (whatever this may be)!

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JESPER LLEWELLYN FAHEY

Jesper has had his fair share of practice in this particular field, we all know it. That is no reason to say that he is a perfect kisser, there are many who have done way more, constantly brag about it, and yet still leave you disappointed. But, this is Jesper we are talking about. Kuwei has said that he is a great kisser too, I choose to trust him on that. That joke he made to cheer up Wylan at Olendaal, the one about kissing Nina / Matthias 'with tongue', it doesnt have to mean anything, but I like to think he is a tongue kind of guy. I also like to think that he is adaptable to any type of person though, he aims to please through-and-through. It saddens me to look deeper, to think about how that may be a result of his low self-esteem, but in moments like these, it makes him happy most of the time, and it is all I could hope for when it comes to my boy.

The first relationship he had been a witness to, the one his mother and father shared before her death, had been a very healthy one. I wouldnt call Colm the perfect father, certainly not after his wife was gone, albeit he is significantly better compared to the hands the rest of our favourite characters have been dealth with, but he was good to Aditi. Most kids, including myself, were the type to be grossed out by PDA, especially when its between their parents, and while thats not in any way a bad thing, we can clearly see that Jesper was not of that type.

Despite his many faults, he was raised fairly well. He knows how to make a comfortable environment, to recognize a clear invitation, what to ask and what not to ask, what is acceptable and what he shouldnt do without a more in-depth discussion. He knows how to create and opportunity where one could deny him if they so wished. I wouldnt say its some overly high bar to jump over, if anything it is the most basic standard any and all should hold themselves to, but I call Jesper 'the consent king' for a reason.

Its said in the book that his mind empties when he kisses the right person, that thinking of methaphors clearly means something is wrong, but hes still pretty descriptive in his POVs if you ask me. Its also very clear that he likes to kiss deep, slow, and involve other sensations throughout which is the part where Id like to include some of my very own hcs (slight temperature / texture play where he drags his rings over skin, hair pulling is a given but I can see him also liking to touch peoples ears a lot, talking in between and whispering during the few subtly initiated pauses, etc). Jespers favourite type of kiss would probably be those he iniciates as soon as he wakes up in the morning. It rains often in Ketterdam, its normal, so he would also probably be one of the rare creatures among the regular Kerch citizens who finds kissing in the rain romantic.

KAZ BREKKER (RIETVELD)

Kaz will have to go through some major healing first, no doubts about that, but Id say he would probably be one of the elite members of the 'Im keeping my eyes open for this' club (until he isnt). I doubt he does much analyzing during, mentally he is on another planet thats probably many lightyears away as he tends to do with a lot of other even remotely intimate things, but theres lots of squinting, eyelid fluttering... Kaz is basically a personafication of that cliche 'when did I close them' quote. In my own experience, I can barely hold eye contact when talking, but I dont really see this as a bad trait. I also dont see it as a trauma response either like some would assume it would be for Kaz, I think its just a him thing. If this man didnt want to kiss somebody, you would not be kissing him, end of.

He likes to focus on teeth, whether by unconsciously (or consciously) biting his partner, having your teeth bump into each other, or licking his own after youre done. Theres lots of shuddering, youll feel him there more than youll hear him, but he is not completely silent either. I dont think he would like beeing cornered, picked up or lifted in any way except on very rare occasions. Just like the pulse thing where he feels for it on the wrist (or neck once he is more comfortable), feeling his weight including the pain of his leg serves to ground him. Perhaps he might also like feeling of you breathing through your nose on his face for the same reasons? He doesnt like leaving things unfinished, even if its just a peck, he will make sure it feels 'complete', I dont know how else to put it. If anybody could overuse the words "Again?", it would be Kaz motherfucking Brekker.

Im in no way saying he will be good, in fact, theres lots of traits here that many wouldnt like, but he tries when he wants to (and again, you would not be kissing this man if he didnt want it), he will learn and he will remember the smallest of details (so that he can ponder over them later). The only thing we hear about Kazs appearance related to his mouth is that there is a scar running through his upper lip. I never got it when people talked about kisses having a taste, but Kaz seems to often call people light-weight, so clearly, he handles his alcohol well, perhaps having developed such a habit to settle down his own supposedly non-existent nerves. It might not be the main reason, we heard about him being on the receiving end of many fights that in certain circumstances and with the ways they are handled lead to similar results, but liquor does leave one dehydrated and with chapped lips.

WYLAN VAN ECK (HENDRIKS)

Unless he is particulary fired up, Wylan likes to start slow and chaste no matter if you are the first, the thousanth person he has kissed or just a person he has kissed a thousand times. Unlike Kaz, he has some experience, sheltered kids know how to have fun in secret (and Im the last person who would ignore that 'lie' about him being kicked out for bedding the tutor, theres some truth to everything), but he is also nowhere near the level of Jesper or Nina or Matthias. We know he likes when his partner feels calm and like they are actually in their body before he goes in for the kill, we saw it with Jesper, but we also see that he isnt the type who needs to ask every time and will just do it when 'the time feels right'. Look out, he just might squeeze into your shirt while youre wearing it and do a makeshift 'surprise attack' from there if he is determined enough for it.

From that, we could say he might have some other habits, including but not limited to the familiar one of guiding his partner through breathing patterns. Maybe sometimes he likes to hold onto your forearms more tightly than necessary (not forcefully though), have your knees touch and bump into one another, straighten his own / your items of clothing, compare hand sizes while making weirdly-intense eye contact, use his thumb to subtly rub at a random tensed muscle, touch foreheads if he is tall enough or rub his face along the side of your neck, anything that would focus your attention to him and the moment... Ironically, as a follow up to the last point and as the kiss drags on, he forgets that he is an actual person who has a weight to them and has to lean back against something with the help of his partner before he falls down and cracks his goddamn skull open.

He likes to leave an effect on whoever he is kissing, but he also likes to 'clean up after himself' as much as possible after its done, which once again serves to bring both of you back down. So yeah, he would probably do something like twirling a stay peace of hair around his finger before neatly tucking it back in place, running that same finger across a brow, down the nose or along the jawline, nudging you playfully with his shoulder, hips or elbows, swaying a bit to slowly return the atmosphere back to relaxed as he secretely links your pinky fingers together. Lips would be his main focus, and he especially likes the soothing effect it has when he is sleepy, but he could also grow to like eyelid, nose, tummy or thigh kisses when it comes to placement.

INEJ GHAFA

Inej has had many men kiss her throughout her life, and unfortunately, theres no need to debate whether she truly enjoyed any of them. Oh how I would love to say that every shitty person is also shit at every other skill they try to master, however, that doesnt have to be the case. The fact that she was a brothel girl doesnt have to mean all of her kisses were bad (to specify, that refers to the technique). That being said, I think she would appreciate the message more than the way its done. It also might result in her not exactly caring about the placement of a kiss, palm, knuckles, hair, cheek, neck, lips, any of them would be equally as intimate to her, platonic or otherwise. Its somewhat similar to what Wylan also likes, but very different too once you look further.

As is with Kaz, you would not be kissing the Inej we know now unless she didnt want you to. I probably should have said this earlier, no, I dont mean that any of the other Crows would enjoy a kiss that was not what they wanted, they wouldnt ignore the signs and will fight the person off if needed, but I hope you understand why Im emphasizing it for these two in particular. I think her kisses would be short, but sweet, a petite little package that can deliver a punch under a right set of conditions, just like she can, the same going for her ship. Physically, we know her lips have an upturn to their shape. As is true with alcohol, salt water has the same drying effect that is only made worse by licking.

One other feature that might make Inejs kisses unique is a possibility of her aquiring more jewellery during her travels. I always imagined that the Suli find piercings to be very meaningful. Perhaps she had some since a very young age, perhaps they were taken from her too during her time at the Menagerie, maybe the holes closed naturally over the long months, maybe she got more whilst working for Kaz, and although it was not put there for such a reason, a lip ring (just as an example) has quite a pleasing effect for either side.

She holds a special appreciation for people who remember their first kiss, or at least remember their first kiss with her, a courtesy she will offer in return as well. It takes special kind of brave to get close (she knows better than most) and never lets the feat of overcoming fear go unappreciated. For some reason, I can see her counting the seconds, not for any reason at all. I wouldnt say its something particulary good nor bad, but Inej doesnt give me the 'let me kiss your words away' signals no matter the situation. The phrases that would fit more would be "We will get through this", "Stay strong, for you", "Lets face it together" or "We shall see each other once more". She seems like the type to keep her affairs secret, but at the end of the day, I also dont think she would mind PDA all that much.

KUWEI YUL-BO

I know the fandom likes to joke that Kuwei is the bad kisser between the two, seeing as to how Jesper was left 'disappointed' even before knowing the truth behind who he was actually kissing... But I dont think that had to do much with the kiss itself. We were told that Jesper liked Kuweis body plenty enough, but even if it were really Wylan (both in shape and spirit), Jesper wasnt in the right space, and Kuweis silence and mannerisms didnt do much to help.

Now, this is a personal headcanon, but one of the habits I think he might pick up in the Little Palace would be scratching his nose or covering his mouth before he goes in for a kiss. Or well, I like to imagine that being his tell among all the snarky comebacks, vicious flirting and sly glances. And seeing as to how playful he is with his powers and how much he grows to use them for mischief and otherwise in KOS, I like to think that his face is always warm to the touch as Kuwei himself is constantly touching it. Random instert, this man unironically likes lemons and you will without a doubt taste quite an assortment of teas while with him.

Some people care about the emotional setting, some like keeping it casual, and some like having that perfect mix of both. Kuwei might acknowledge that in different ways and act accordingly, but I also think he might care more about the physical setting and connect good actions with places rather than specific people or mutual feelings. This man is a certified tease, unless you pull him towards you which is exactly what he wants, he is 100%, absolutely ready to keep a partner on the edge of their seat, kiss the corner of their mouth, or maybe with the lips barely touching. Instead of licking his own lips out of habit or to seduce, he would lick yours. Kuwei being a tease might also be a way for him to set up walls? In a sense that hes reminding both himself and the person hes kissing that this is just a kiss and it doesnt mean anything. And when hes kissed by someone he loves and trusts, hes downright pathetic, super soft and annoyingly sweet about it.

I dont know where else to put it so it will have to be here, but I like to think he chewed on his lips a lot as a child and whilst in captivity, leaving him with barely visible indents once he reached adulthood. When it comes to the type, Id say he could end up enjoying goodnight kisses next to the fireplace or lit by the flame in his own hand more than he would like doing anything in the early morning. Kuwei tends to get frustrated and bored easily so that might lead to certain effects as well, more specifically the speed, angle and desperation. He has hid for long enough and doesnt much care about who sees what, only whether they got a nice view from wherever they were standing at the time.

NINA ZENIK

Nina has practiced CPR from a very young age (I wouldnt call any of those a true kiss by any means, but it will make slightly more sense in just a moment), we see her perform one on Kaz in the books without hesitation, so I doubt her first 'kiss' was particularly enjoyable or wholly consentual or that she even remembers it. Perhaps from that, her kisses would grow to be particulary breathy in the future, although that doesnt mean its some kind of rule or that its not just a result of her personality being put into how she goes about it. We already know temple kisses are her thing among some other stuff, but she also doesnt seem to have a similar kind of bond with any other type that is not at neck level or above. Shes fine with them, but always seems to go to certain spots herself when she has a choice, singing and laughing through all of it. As Matthias tends to say a lot, the chase is a game to her, whether on top or beneath, she still wins.

Her skin is said to be soft, and supposedly so are her lips, plus the girl is a Heartrender and that surely results in many privileges. Surprisingly enough, I wouldnt say she is particularly experienced in the world of romance, even if her talent at sweet-talking might suggest otherwise. Perhaps shes had flings, one or two, maybe even a relationship at some point, but I dont see much more in my visions of her backstory. "Dont you want to play with me?" and "Cant you handle it?" are some of the repeating phrases in her vocabulary, but oh, it only gets worse once she feels well and truly romanced, swept off her feet as one might say, and that takes lots of effort. Its a good thing we know Nina has some high expectations, that way all of us can be her personal wingmen.

If anybody could obtain the famous movie achievement of leaving a string of saliva to connect her lips with her partners for just a few more moments, it would be Nina. Speaking of such things, she may also be the only one for who the 'let me kiss you against this wall so that they dont spot us' scenario might actually work (in theory), or at least give her enough time to incapacitate them during their confusion since she tends to be quite loud appearance wise. Likes being attended to and coddled, and no kiss has a chance without a firm grab or two. Will die if you do a tango dip with her in your arms. She is one of the biggest fans of mistletoes and finds it extremely romantic. Sometimes, when she is invited to watch a play or show, she will turn around and kiss her partner whenever the actors do. "Consider me madly in love. With the kisses, not you. ... But maybe also you if you did it again."

MATTHIAS BENEDIK HELVAR

And finally, we have our romantic-at-heart of the group, Matthias. Now, his and Ninas romance is the most obvious and out-in-the-open throughout the whole duology, and frankly he is the one I had the most trouble with writing, but the difference between seeing their first kiss from Ninas perspective and the one of Matthias is that theirs was his first kiss ever. All of his actions leading up to it, as well as those after, are a promise in some way or another, and Im not only talking about his vow to her. Nothing could have prepared me for when he lifted Nina straight off her feet and held her there as he kissed her, yet it was also the most in-character thing he ever could have done.

Matthias will absolutely, every time, start an hour long conversation on what led him to this moment, if it is the right time, the right place, the right everything... He will continue up until he himself is basically internally shouting at his own mouth to shut itself (he has very low patience despite everything mentioned above) or his partner takes the initiative themselves. The second option is prefered by both parties and a 5-star whine is the expected plus-one to excellent service. He is the type to gulp when you get too close. Will go mad if you can tell when he is holding on by a thread despite his lack of many facial expressions, especially if told something along the lines of "Just lose control, love".

He is particularly sensitive for textures. All humans are to some extent, the lips have more nerve endings in them than fingertips, but Matthias is the one who is fullfilled by it the most and frequently says stuff related to it like "Are you wearing chapstick?" or "I can feel the dip of your scar". Often acknowledges indirect kisses. Matthias has once said that kissing isnt about romance, that it should be proper and only done as a follow up to a conventional Fjerdan courtship, and while lots about him has changed during his canonical relationship with Nina, I think he might still enjoy going through at least some of these with somebody who might appreciate his efforts. Matthias is still highly religious even if he is now seeing the world from another perspective and there are some cultural things that for him go deeper than just tradition. In a very specific headcanon of mine, he has grown up fantasizing about having to lift up your chin to do it, and so now he does so even with taller partners who can reach his mouth just fine.

He would 100% take the 'Will you love me if I was a worm' jokes way too seriously. "How am I supposed to handle a worm? I could hold a butterfly, maybe kiss you if you were a wolf (but thats after a very extensive inspection of your molars)". Kisses the back of your neck after putting on a necklace. Pretends that lipstick stains dont turn him on to the highest setting.

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[genericpuff]

(about the bell post) i dont know anything about lore olympus but is there something inherently bad in using free stock images? like, thats what stock images are for right? i know that its probably lazy or whatever but is that the only problem? /genuine

Part of the issue with using stock photos is licensing. Like fonts, they're in abundance online and easy to snag for "free", but as soon as you enter commercial work, it becomes a legal minefield. Stock photos typically belong to either individuals or corporations that rely on people buying the rights to those photos to use them; if they don't, they could very well be sued for copyright infringement.

In that respect, emojis fall into a similar grey area. Some emojis are public domain/open source meaning they're free to use for everyone. But many are not. It's why different social media platforms and different phone providers use different emoji's - it's not purely for branding (though that is a factor as Facebook emojis have become distinguishable from Android emojis) but also for ownership.

So, in the legal sense, I do not know if the bell emoji that Rachel used in LO is legally hers to use, or if it's even subject to such laws (it could be an open source image meaning it's free-for-all). I'm hoping for her sake she's not breaking any sort of copyright ownership laws, but I'm also not a lawyer and wouldn't know how to get that information even if I wanted to lmao

Aside from the legal, it's also just... sigh I'm gonna get into more opinionated territory here, but even if something is open source, even if you're legally free to use a stock photo or other tool to create your comic, there's also the ethics/integrity of it. Lore Olympus is not a Canvas comic. It is not an indie hobbyist project. It's a commercial product with multiple people working on it behind the scenes, book deals, merch deals, a TV deal, and an upcoming feature at this year's SDCC, with Rachel headlining alongside Cassandra Claire (Mortal Instruments) and Jeff Smith (BONE). Webtoons is trying very hard to market LO as a 'flagship' series and convince the public that it can stand alongside other literature juggernauts.

What I'm trying to say here is, if Rachel did legally use it, it doesn't make it any less cheap. There's a lot of discussion in the art field over the usage of external tools and assets in art creation, especially here in the west. 3D models, AI shaders, gradient maps - there are tons of things that exist now that stand to benefit artists, but can be abused or used poorly, being used as less of a tool to benefit an artist with pre-existing skills and more as a cheap shortcut to circumvent actual skill/effort.

The bell emoji isn't the heart of the issue I pointed out in that post. If it were an isolated thing, if LO were an otherwise impeccable comic with high-effort art and just one little picture of a bell, it wouldn't be that big of an issue.

But LO isn't that comic. The recipe of its art development week after week has become very cheap and low-effort, and the bell is really just the cherry on top.

And just to make it clear, I do stand by artists being able to use tools that make their lives easier. None of this is to say it's wrong to use stock images, or 3D models, or gradient maps, or whatever have you. Those tools exist to help and can be used in fun and experimental ways to bring new perspectives and life to your work. And I'm not going to scrutinize whatever shortcuts are being used in a comic that's being made for free by a hobbyist or someone who's still learning.

But like all tools, there are still ways to use them to the detriment of your own work, either due to a lack of understanding as to how that tool works, or lack of effort to blend it into your work. It can make it glaringly obvious that third-party assets are being used, and can often distract from what you've drawn (the complete opposite of what most people are trying to achieve).

When I think of art shortcuts and tools being used poorly, I think of Let's Play and its stock photo background characters.

I think of Time Gate: [AFTERBIRTH]'s stiff default 3D models that result in lifeless poses and restricted body types, which I am VERY eager to move on from LMAO

I think of LO's 3D backgrounds with only 1-2 colors thrown in and the characters floating in front of them. Or sometimes no characters at all even when people are speaking.

And of course, I think of the emoji bell, which could have easily just been drawn as a door or an actual doorbell, and not some random grey bell copied and pasted from a Google search.

All that's to say, too much reliance on poorly-implemented assets can take a great piece of work down to a mediocre one. Of course, the assets definitely aren't the only issue with LO, but they are definitely a piece of the problem. There might not be anything 'wrong' with using assets, but they can still be used poorly or result in cheap-looking work and that's primarily what I'm calling out here.

[samkerrworshipper]

This is ungodly long and I’m so sorry in advance 😭 I’m also ridiculous late sending you this, but I still thought you deserved to hear it.

I was initially a little hesitant about reading “beautiful girl”, just because I’m not really a Leah/Jordan reader usually, but I adore your works so I figured I would give it a try!

RIGHT from the first three paragraphs of the first part, I already was ready to cry. I knew this was going to seriously test my emotions in the best way (and I did end up being correct!)

“Babies learnt to self soothe by being left to cry, teenagers learnt to self soothe through pain” like nope I can’t deal, you absolutely knocked it out of the park with that 😭

R’s whole thought process in the first chapter is equal parts heartbreaking and fascinating at the same time. The way you chronically the descent into a deeper addiction is SO well done, having her go from getting high at night to doing it during the day, and how that all spirals within the span of just a few paragraphs needs to be STUDIED!

“Hoping the patting [of the towel] would somehow strip the pain that was painted across your skin, it didn’t” from part two my LORDDD. The whole conversation between r and Jordan in that part is genuinely so heartbreaking. It’s clear that Jordan still loves her daughter, but everything has just fallen apart to the point where it doesn’t feel like it can be fixed. R being unable to see Jordan’s care because of the fact that she’s completely fallen through the cracks, on top of having this huge mental spiral is perfect into continuing to introduce the reader into the story.

Leah finding out about the weed in part three, and r’s kinda trying to deny but not really had my interest piqued. As though she kind of wants Leah to find out about it, a cry for help, even if she’s not admitting it to herself in the narrative SO fascinating. How you write addiction is so raw and poignant because you don’t shy away from the difficult shit, you simply leave it to fester further and further and the story is so charged and has so much more emotion because of it.

“It took you back to a time when you’d made Leah check under your bed everynight for the monsters under your bed, now though she was looking for the monsters in your head, the monsters that had turned her little perfect girl into whatever you were now” I WAS GAGGED I don’t even have words I…like I truly don’t know what to say other than I’m obsessed with these one liners you’re dropping like bombs throughout the story!

Listening to so long London during part four was quite possibly too much for me to bear? And then I listened to it as I read the rest and I was like what if I’m just ready to end it all? Right now?

Maya’s relationship with r is incredibly twisted and convoluted especially in part four, really showcasing this idea of love even in the worst forms. The way that she completely invalidates r’s fears and pressures her while r still manages to cling to this idea that Maya does love her is so artfully constructed. Its clear Maya is so deeply engrossed in all of this her entire perspective on life is flipped around (including her perception of love), and it’s both incredibly sad for her personally while still very dangerous for r. The theme of love in this is so strong and I was continually intrigued as I read to see how you choose to discuss love, both overall and from r’s perspective specifically.

I DONT THINK I CAN EVER SAY ENOUGH GOOD THINGS ABOUT PART FOUR ISTG 😭 The speech r gives to Leah and Jordan over the phone? The whole praise aspect of it that r has been craving for SO long, and the explanation about how the breakup was the catalyst for all of this? The TOY analogy at the end? Jesus fucking Christ what a knife to the heart.

Also I’m sorry I shouldn’t have laughed at “miss dump and run awakens” but the thought of a nurse actually saying that to a first time patient had me choking on my water 😭

The beginning of part five is so aching, the way r is still trying to run, has worked herself down to feeling nothing but panic and fear?And then Leah and Jordan come in and they just want her to be okay and are so worried about her? But still the fact that r feels as though she has to perform in order to be worthy of this love absolutely broke me. As I said before, your portrayal of addiction is amazing and so easily digestible, despite how heavy the topic is.

“Love to you, was a privilege, not something that everyone had extra of” 😀😀😀😀

The moment of shift in the conversation r has with Leah toward the end of part 5 is pulled off PERFECTLY, the dialogue between them back and forth is genuinely done so well. Your ability to write this mix of dialogue interspersed with r’s thoughts is executed masterfully, and leaves the story feeling whole and complete in the best way possible, even as you drag our hearts through unimaginable pain (it’s just too good not to read though 😫)

Part six is just…so fucking healing. Genuinely, again with the interspersing of dialogue with what has been happening the two month break is complete perfection. Even in just a single chapter you show this immense progress, the stopping of poor habits and thoughts and the shift toward something healthier, but still raw and real. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, but it’s progress above all else.

The call back throughout the story of “beautiful girl” and really just the use of the word “beautiful” is a perfect motif, and every single time I saw it used I was like “YES!” because you knew exactly where to put it! This awesome balance of not adding it in there too much, but allowing it to ground the story when necessary.

Anyways…this is ridiculously long and I’m so sorry, but I couldn’t find it in me to delete any of it! Even if I’m a little late I wanted to be sure to let you know that I’m a big, big fan, and I wanted to thank you so much for writing it! Absolutely fabulous work as per usual for you 🩵

AHHH THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY

you’ve read like every part of my mind lol

i still have so much love for that series, it was my whole heart and soul for like two weeks and literally all i thought about and if i could i would write a hundred parts to it

this has actually made my day so much better and you are the sweetest and i love you and oh my gosh

[alstroemerian-dragon]

theres something that really bothers me about the way a lot of people talk about and write peko re: her place as fuyuhiko’s “tool,” especially when it comes to like. despair. and i feel like it stems from a few different places and one of those is definitely uh. distance from the source material. because. w. did we play the same game

like. the second trial is a lot of things. annoying. about the death of a character i dont really care about. kind of confusing. Very Sad At The End. but the one thing it shows beyond any shadow of a doubt is that peko Does Not Want To Be Fuyuhiko’s Tool. she leans into it a lot in that trial, past the stupid. serial killer shit. which is literally just desperation and quick thinking on her part (and non diagetically meant to parallel the first game but whatever). but she does that because it is the only option she thinks she has if she wants to keep fuyuhiko alive. because thats her ultimate goal, right? sure, she’s his tool. sure, theyre Badly and Unhealthily codependent. sure, she was basically groomed to stay at his side no matter what. but…

she also cares about him. genuinely. she loves him. for all that teenagers can properly conceive of love in all its forms, but she at least think she does. but she does truly care about him.

did anybody do her free time events other than me? genuine question. because i dont think someone who wants to ask the guy shes sworn to protect on a date would be content being just his tool. that sure sounds like someone who wants to be on equal footing with him.

like. look. say what you want about the anime. take it with a grain of salt. cherry pick what you like and toss the rest of it out. that sure is what i do!! but even if you do that, youve got to take the text of the game itself into account if you want to have any semblance of regular characterization, and the game makes it clear that she hates this!!! she doesnt want to be his tool! she will fight him on things if she has to! she will disobey him if she has to!!! thats the whole point of the trial!!!!! he told her to run and that he would take the fall and she told him no!!!!!!!!!

and you cant ignore the fact that the time between them starting at hope’s peak and the tragedy hitting the ground running was two whole years. people can change a lot in two years, especially teenagers, and especially high schoolers. idk how long its been since you were in high school (unless you currently are in which case. dear gd im so sorry. good luck) but your mental state in high school is so fucked. you have no idea who you are and neither does anybody else and can you even imagine the kinds of pressure the ultimates would have been under?? again, taking the anime with a grain of salt, but even if you go along with it and think the school was barely a school at all, the pressure from society, from family, from peers still has an impact. everyone was telling them who they were and that thats who they were going to be for the rest of their lives and i doubt ANY of them felt like it.

and even if you subscribe to the idea, like me, that their second year was a downward spiral because of junko’s presence and influence, they still needed somewhere to fall from. the idea that peko was uniquely comfortable being quiet and violent and doing whatever fuyuhiko wanted so she didnt need despair to be his tool is ridiculous. i see the argument of “well watching her friends fall into despair and spiral made her spiral in turn and grow numb to it and retreat into herself until she needed to become fuyuhiko’s tool again as a coping mechanism” but. buddy. That Is Despair.

sometimes i feel like the only person who thinks about despair complexly and maybe thats its own post because this ones too long already but. despair isnt just Being Brainwashed Into A Monster. ignore what the writers told you. okay? look at me. Look Into My Eyes. The Writers Are Fucking Idiots And Dont Know How To Write Good Drama With Genuine Stakes. despair as a nuanced concept is so much more horrifying. different post. sorry. peko.

if peko had not been pulled down by despair just like the rest of them she would have fought tooth and nail to keep fuyuhiko above it. she would have demanded he explain to her why he was doing what he was doing. and she would have told him no.

and of course heres where i get into the accusatory part because the other place a lot of this comes from is, and im sorry, an unwillingness to write complex or nuanced women. not pointing fingers, but reducing peko down into “fuyuhiko’s tool” and “she does whatever he says without question” completely destroys any minuscule amount of agency she has. shes a fucking person. yes, shes pixels on a screen. yes, shes a representation of tropes. but diagetically, within the fiction of the game, she is a human being, and if you want to write her, and not be puppeting around a gddamn cardboard cutout, you have to think of her as a person with agency who makes her own fucking choices. sometimes those choices are taken away from her. but they shouldnt be taken away by you.

[heich0e]

liv…. i eat up your dialogue EVERY TIME like a crazy person.. if you post smth for someone i dont go here for, i read it just because 🤍 i 🤍 love 🤍 your 🤍 writing 🤍 but that being said……. i must know the details of the canonverse levi wip you posted. what did erwin do! what was levi and r’s relationship! how!!!!

if you're genuinely interested, i really don't mind telling u what the plot is because i will quite literally never post it. it was the first fic i ever wrote for any anime, and i hadn't even gotten very far into the actual show at the point of writing—so while some aspects are (tenuously) canon-compliant, there are also many very clear ways in which it is not.

so, to reduce that terrible levi x reader fic (it's so bad and i MEAN that!!) down to its barest bones, start to finish:

[WARNING: THERE IS AN ENTIRE FIC SUMMARIZED UNDER THIS READ MORE AND IT IS MULTIPLE THOUSANDS OF WORDS LONG. THEMES INCLUDE: DUBCON, CANON CHARACTER DEATH, VAGUELY MISOGYNISTIC TONES, AND EVERY SINGLE CRINGE-Y FANFIC CLICHE U CAN IMAGINE. BYE.]

at the point where the fic opens, reader is a young, low-ranking soldier in the survey corps on her way to mitras with levi and erwin to attend a small gala being hosted by a very wealthy family that they're petitioning (effectively wooing) to provide funding for the corps

the reason reader is asked to come along is because she comes from a very good family in mitras and is connected to the "high society" folk—though never explicitly stated, erwin very much intends to use her and her social graces as a sort of poster child and mouthpiece for the corps, in hopes that she can charm ppl and help them gain favour to accomplish their goal

all things considered, reader was very privileged growing up and had as comfortable/luxurious of a life as anyone (at least anyone in paradis) could possibly hope to have. her family is aristocracy/noble and comes from a long line of "wealth." her father is a doctor who consults with the military in a high ranking capacity—though he's never actively been a soldier, and it's largely just a cushy job where he doesn't do much actual grunt work, just gets consulted on things and sits on boards or whatever

reader graduated from school and enlisted in the military when she came of age—to the shock and horror of her family (especially her mother) and their noble peers. but she felt an impetus to do something with her life that wasn't just sit around docilely and look pretty until eventually her father handed her over to an advantageous husband and she went from daughter to wife and surely then eventually mother—while never actually having any agency or choice for herself

because reader was well-educated from childhood, she did well academically at the cadet academy, and because she grew up in a comfortable home she is physically very competent as well (though truthfully her skill as a soldier is often very OP and cringey to read back now... but it was my first fic! sue me!)

levi and reader don't interact much in the corps (as he's not her squad leader) but when they do they're constantly at odds—he thinks less of her as a result of her silver spoon upbringing, and while she doesn't dislike him, per se, she definitely resents his treatment of her

on the trip to mitras (alongside a very uncomfortable homecoming to her estranged family's home with two men who are effectively her bosses) they attend the gala/banquet and it's revealed that the family hosting it is the most wealthy in mitras (save for the royal family, though they're sort of unofficially considered the second-in-command) who reader is very familiar with—they have a son her age, and a few daughters slightly younger, who she grew up close to (i made all these characters up btw.... first fic liv was rly going wild)

the son from this family was always sort of sweet on reader growing up, and they have a vaguely romantic history in their teens (before reader enlisted.) reader very quickly surmises that she was brought along (or at the very least is able) to possibly sway the son in their favour, as the eldest and heir to this family's fortune, who would in turn convince the father to support the corps

the son (his name is adam btw. if anyone cares? lmao) is actually very sweet, and earnestly cares for her. he's just blinded by his own affluence to a lot of realities—like most extremely wealthy people are

reader is a good soldier and she's cunning, and she knows that what she's doing is ethically/morally questionable but in the interest of the greater good she goes along with some flirtation/manipulation for the cause

the story progresses and reader continues her work in the military, but the heir from this family is clearly infatuated with her and he (and his father/family by extension) begin implicating themselves more heavily with the military as an excuse to see her/spend time with her/etc though of course it's all under the guise of official business

so it's like the life she fled is bleeding into the one she built for herself, and it's stark juxtaposition becomes very clear in those instances where they overlap and she's forced to juggle them both

she just wants to be a soldier and do good. erwin is (in so many words) pressuring her to do her part and keep up the charade. levi is watching this all unfold from the wings and starts to feel some genuine sympathy for her

lots of very dramatic things happen, yadda yadda yadda. levi grows less hostile over time, and reader becomes closer to him. she's always respected him and that grows into something mutual. there's a lot of unspoken tension brewing between them

it's revealed that reader threw her cadet exam results so that she wouldn't be in the top of her class, and therefore couldn't become an MP and had to join either the garrison or the scouts. she did it intentionally (erwin knew and used this to his advantage) so that her family wouldn't be able to force her back to mitras. when levi realizes what erwin did/knew and how he used it to his own advantage it really upsets him, because he's basically pimping reader out for the betterment of the survey corps. this is the first time you really see levi get angry about the way she's being used (and you can infer in this moment that he maybe cares about her a bit)

more dramatic stuff happens!

the story culminates in the reveal that the son is planning to ask for reader's hand in marriage. her own family has already agreed. part of the financial agreement the powerful family has made with the survey corps is that reader will effectively be retired once she marries (and transferred to a clerical role with the MPs. desk work, basically. fake work, for all intents and purposes, because the position was made up just for her)

reader goes to erwin, understandably extremely distraught when she finds out, and begs him to stop it from happening. she doesn't really care about getting married, but she doesn't want to leave the scouts. he effectively (though not explicitly/in these particular words) implies that maybe if she fucks her "fiance" he'll be more open to compromise and let her stay in the corps

she does it, but unsurprisingly loverboy is not about to let the woman he's obsessed with (who he has now officially boned lmao) go back to risking her life every day in the military, and it's almost immediately revealed that her plan didn't work at all

(erwin pretty much knew the whole time it wasn't going to work. bastard.)

reader feels betrayed and helpless. she goes to levi the night before she's set to leave—who basically is like "uhhhh i told you so??" upon finding out what's happened—and they end up sleeping together anyway in a very emotionally fraught and vulnerable moment

she leaves the next day

a timeskip happens. turns out that the ENTIRETY of the wealthy family was killed in the attack in mitras (like between annie and eren's titans i think? don't remember what season that is. a lot of ppl get smooshed in a church. they were there.)

but reader had already been married into the family. she wasn't in the church and inherited the entirety of their wealth as the sole surviving family member.

she was also.... pregnant :) (of course she was! this fic hits every trope and bad fanfic cliche! maybe it's twins!)

levi is back in mitras years (??) later (listen.... i didn't know where the hell the canon storyline of this manga was going at the time so FORGIVE ME for the fact that obviously this is not canon compliant l m a o)

reader has become sort of a recluse since everything happened in mitras, but having inherited the wealth she's become a key figure politically and particularly with respect to the military because of her influence as a donor.

levi tracks her down to this surprisingly humble property on the outskirts of town.

there's a little boy playing in the yard. no more than four or five. he has dark hair and slate grey eyes. levi looks at this child and sees his mother's face.

the little boy speaks to him but levi is (understandably) very confused and disoriented. reader comes outside and is shocked to see levi there. like she's seeing a ghost.

reader tells the little boy to come to her and scoops him up in her arms, and she quietly reminds him (his name is Teddy btw... short for Theodore) that he's not supposed to talk to strangers.

and Teddy leans in real close and says "but mama... he has your wings" because Levi is wearing his survey corps uniform with the insignia on them. you've kept your own patch (a parting gift from erwin when he sold you off... how thoughtful) and treasure it.

all of which is to say that basically Levi is the kid's father, but because reader was already married when her pregnancy was discovered and the timeline still checked out—so no one ever questioned the paternity (especially because she was a WIDOW by the time she gave birth.)

teddy is now the "legitimate" heir to the entire fortune that was left by reader's husband/his family, but until he comes of age it's reader's to manage, so she can provide a safe home for him to grow up in—though notably removed from the society that she was raised in.

it's heavily implied (though not actually confessed) that reader and levi have been in love with each other for all these years, and there's a kind of optimism about what future is ahead for them now that their paths have crossed again. (present day canon-knowing liv is laughing at this part in particular.)

the end.

[t4yce]

will you please gif valenciaga in her festival look(+her titty reveal lol) and valenciaga being sexy in her rock look from belgique 1.03? ❤️ i'm not a valenciaga stan I swear, her looks on the runway have just ended up really hittting for me LOL- her fashion feels fully realized and obviously inspired by balenciaga and high fashion, which I'm really attracted to. that episode was so crazy btw, I can't believe susan won.... and I loved ednas first look so her critiques, as well as valenciagas placement, didnt make much sense to me! and the critiques on moccas first outfit too... that one was really fantastic! I hope the odd judging is just a one time thing because I'm loving belgique >.< do you have any favorites so far? :>

of course, here you go! [x/x] cfvgbhnjm nooo if you were a valenciaga stan you'd have her as your icon--oh.. wait 😆i kid i kid but yeah her pov is definitely clear i dont get how she keeps on placing low... especially in ep3 when they said they couldnt decide on a bottom 2 like obviously valenciaga shouldve been safe??? 😭 i'm so surprised edna went home this early; i think she'd have done really well in this weeks challenge.. a shame! the odd judging aside i am really enjoying the season still, i think its my favourite out of the 3 seasons currently airing, and yes i do have favourites!! i do really like everyone who's left but peach, drag couenne and athena are my favourites!! i feel like drag couenne has a really good chance of winning tbh what about you??

[usercelestial]

okay putting my real and comprehensive opinion on bvddie here even though no asked just because i feel like i dont make it very clear

i ship bvddie but i do not think its happening, i lost hope for it around season 5 when i dropped the show because i felt like we were constantly being baited and tbh i couldn't stand what the fandom was. thats mostly why i dont post bvddie a lot because ultimately i don't want to interact with the loudest portion of that fandom. after buck came out as bisexual, i stopped caring about it even more even though i still enjoy the idea of it because instead of just thinking about buck being queer, he actually was. first and foremost, i like canon queer representation so bucktommy obviously takes precedent because eddie isn't canonically queer (yet, idk, maybe tim minear will pull a fast one on us). i care way more about hen and karen than i do about taylor/lucy, even though i like both ships. i'm okay with criticism of it, especially of the fandom because to be honest, i do think it's fair to call bvddie theories ridiculous and out there because they kind of are, BUT i don't think it hurts anyone to think that or hold out hope, and it's nice to see speculation and theories bc thats what fandom is all about. that couch theory still has a hold on me even though i dont think it's intentional lol. i don't think it's okay to directly make fun of any bvddie for having crazy theories because we've all had ships that make us crazy and thats okay. the exception here is if that particular bvddie is making fun of bvcktommys for their theories n stuff because at that point its hypocrisy. this goes both ways. if you're gonna come up with a crazy theory, you can't look at other people's crazy theories and claim any high ground there, which is unfortunately something i see a lot in both fandoms.

although one thing i will not do is say "well both sides are equally bad" because objectively bvddies have been around a lot longer and done much worse things. that doesn't mean bts are all innocent either however, one ship clearly has dominance over this fandom and has a large, extensive track record of harassing actresses/generally being aggressive about their ship before bt ever even happened. so there are many, many more cases of those shippers feeling threatened and lashing out unfairly while the others are often just acting out of defense. if there's a bully on the playground picking on someone else, and that person kicks them in the shin, i'm obviously going to hold the bully much more accountable for their behavior than i am for the kid defending themself. while that's obviously not always the case, (i've blocked my fair share of bvcktommy girlies for being weird about female love interests) when it comes to the "both sides" argument, we literally just know that's not true. also most of the shit said about tommy by antis is deeply homophobic so jot that down.

tbh i think being anti bt is much more egregious than being anti bvddie because that's actual queer rep that you're bashing and hoping dies. but there's a difference between being "anti" anything and just not liking it and thinking its annoying.

at first i think i understood it because i think bvddie kind of was the underdog when it first started bc it's was non canon queer ship between two canonically straight characters but thats obviously not true anymore and hasn't been for a while. bvddie has the attention of the actors, has the positive acknowledgement of journalists that get to directly interview those actors, and has the popularity within the fandom. so it's kind of just punching down at other ships at this point, especially ones including female characters who already don't get a lot of development.

that being said, again, I STILL LIKE BVDDIE, and have plenty of bvddie mutuals that i love so i try to avoid the generalization of "ALL bvddie shippers are like this 🙄" because obviously thats not true and there's nothing wrong with shipping bvddie obviously lol it's just a ship and a cute one at that. i think its ridiculous to care that much about hating a ship you just don't like that much, which is fine but like i think many ppl in this fandom need to take several steps back and realize it's not that fucking deep, just like the things you like and leave everyone else alone.

tldr: i like bvddie but im not gonna avoid criticizing a big part of that fandom. ultimately i think ship wars are silly and i don't really understand them. i like queer representation and i like queer headcanons but im not gonna hold out hope for anything. im very ship and let ship until you start to be a dick about other people shipping and then i think you deserve to be called out, especially if you're actively being homophobic/misogynistic/racist. also i think bvddietommy should be endgame lol, let chris has THREE dads and then everyone's happy :D

edit: oh and obviously i like bvcktommy if that wasn't abundantly clear lol

[cyanlastride]

theres a reason im so nervous and avoidant. that reason has a lot to do with why i will never learn how to do magic tricks.

see, i like magic tricks. i think theyre pretty neat. a lot of clever thinking and sleight of hand go into them. a lot of them use decks of cards, which i also think are pretty neat.

one of my main hobbies is playing card games. not ones that use standard 52-card playing decks, but rectangular pieces of cardboard nonetheless. one might think, "oh, thats neat! so if you learn how to card magic card tricks, you could maybe learn to do them with your fancy-shmancy cards!" and youd be correct. its a little bit tougher, especially because the cards i play with are sleeved, but the same sleight of hand fundamentals apply. you may begin to see the problem here.

lets say that in between matches, we have some downtime, so i decide to perform a little trick for my opponent. i have them choose a card, i shuffle it into the deck, they cut the deck, i seem to utterly lose track of it, and then tada! its back on top. wow, wasnt that fun? okay, lets play our next game. shuffle up, cut, alrighty, so my deck really needs this powerful card to function-- and wouldnt you know it, its on top. hm. my opponent isnt smiling anymore. in fact, theyre calling a judge.

it is for this very reason that i will never learn how to do card tricks -- because if i know how to do them, and my opponent knows i know how to do them, it doesnt matter if i use those skills to cheat or not. just knowing that i have the power to play unfairly destroys the trust necessary to play the game.

in high school, i learned a lot (as i imagine most people do) about self-expression. i found that i could fit it with many different types of people, as long as i spent time watching for what kind of traits those people like in others. this became subconscious for me -- i would act one way around one friendgroup, and a different way around another, and everyone liked me, albeit substantially different versions of me. i think this is fairly normal for everyone -- we all have a way we act when we're at work, vs at home, vs with friends. that, as far as im aware, is normal.

the problem arises when i want something from someone. ive become very good at knowing how to frame questions, how to position my body, how to act nervous or shy or bored or frustrated or respectful or even commanding, so that i get what i want. and its all subconscious -- i couldnt really tell you how i do it, but i know that i do it because i get yeses when my peers get nos. i have the power to play unfairly.

so, when i want something from somebody but i know that they may not want to give it to me, and i want to respect their right to deny me the thing, i practice extreme self-control. i force myself to be almost robotic, take extra effort to see the situation from every angle, and be very clear with them what their options are and that they can, and are even encouraged, to deny me whatever it is that i want. i actively shoot myself in the foot to counteract my own desires. i do this because i am terrified that one day i am going to ask for something i want, the person is going to give it to me, and then later theyre going to realize that i cheated. or that, at the very least, i couldve cheated. and that will destroy the trust required to play the game. this is not a hypothetical; this has happened to me at least twice before.

so when i ask if youre free to talk, but its okay if youre not cuz i know its late and im fine i just wanted to chat;

when i ask if you want to hang out sometime, oh but you have that thing tomorrow dont you, oh well im busy anyways so no worries;

when you lean up against me, and i freeze;

its not because i want you to say no. its because im terrified of influencing you at all in your decision to say yes.

because the trust required to play the game has already been destroyed -- i destroyed it in myself. so all i can do is hope that you are able to read my mind. and when you encounter no encouragement nor resistance, you keep going.

[irregulardiaryposts]

20:40 07/03/2024

okay wow well its been well over two years since i updated this 'diary' blog lol

so weird seeing all those old posts about being a teenager with existential thoughts lol i dont really think like that anymore, at least not so much. i guess an update is in order then lmao okay so im in my 3rd year of uni now and im doing my year abroad! doing it in a small city in spain and i really quite like my job, ive only got 14hrs, i have a 3 day weekend, the city is small so i can walk everywhere and this job really gives me a sense of purpose that ive been missing in my life. makes me really realise that university is NOT for me lmfao i was so depressed during my second year i probs went to like 20% of my classes loool. im pretty sure i mightve almost failed aswell but since the professors were doing a marking boycott they released grades without marking the final exam and so since i was already doing well enough in all my classes i passed! quite lucky i think cos i wouldve been so entirely embarrassed and ashamed if i had to repeat a year cos of mental health. i think things are better here tho my issues havent disappeard completely like eg i have these evening classes 6-7.40pm tuesdays and thursdays and for the past like month i havent attended :/ at first it was cos i was sick (i think it was covid lol either from glasgow or on the plane back idk) and then i just didnt go back to class. i think my main excuse is that that is dinner time for me and i dont wanna move dinner time lol. but also i think the class itself is just not for me i dont feel like i learn a whoooole lot while im there and learning on apps is easier for me? but i always felt better for going to the classes cos i was like ha! im not depressed would a depressed person do this!? but of course depression doesnt work like that and i think i need medicated ! but that seems too scary to say. but at least i found someone to do a language exchange with! ive only had one hour with her in spanish, which was yesterday, but i already feel like ive improved lmaooo like i literally dreamt last night in a mix of spanish and english ahahahah cos when i think about it i literally have not ever regularly spoken spanish, ive only really spoken for activies in class or speaking exams so no wonder i have 0000 confidence in my speaking abilities but im hopeful that this will really improve my speaking :) about my job i guess- i work in a high school and i really enjoy interacting with the kids they really do make every day different and more interesting so i am grateful for them but sometimes damnnn sometimes i wanna jump out the window especially with this third year class they are the class KNOWN for being a bitof a pain lol and sometimes i have to lead the class by myself lmaooo mid u ik im 20 but i dont look it and they certainly dont treat me like an adult or a teacher and ngl they are a bit disrespectful at times but also what are u gonna do they are 14 and i have no proper teaching experience to help them by myself i can only hope that im actuallt helping them learn english lol. it is quite difficult tho with my scottish accent to try and sound as clear as possible because i pronounce almost 100% of the vowel sounds differently than rp english which is what i think they are used to so i have to realllyyyy annunciate all my words and man is it tiring lol.

what else. im going to madrid this weekend with bestie and im really looking forward to having a relaxing and fun time but i still havent packed my bags looooooool i alwyas do this tho and its fine not a big deal at all but i def need to do it tonight cos im leaving tomorrow immediately after work so ill have to have an actual breakfast and take snacks with me. im really enjoying my time in spain or at least im trying to but i feel like i have pushed myself enough out my comfort zone to be able to look back on this and say yeah i really took advantage of that. like i think i need to be more personable (is that a word yes it is i used it right) in teaching and be more interactive with them and stuff also i feel like i shoulve arranged a language exchange sooner cos i think this will really help, and i need to interact more with the other assistant but the thing is is im just not a sociable personnnnnnn aghgh. any way cutting this short cos i need to pack my bags for my trupppppp

[damninternetperson]

I like writing. I assume you like reading. Here you go.

I dont know how to tumblr

~

In the corner, for all its glory, sat the ticket machine, a layer of dust coating the top like fuzz. Long had it stopped being used. Long had it needed to be used. Tickets were taken immediately upon arrival. No one had arrived for a while now.

The station itself was simple, if a little dull. Hard flooring. Grey walls. Mundane. Monotone.

They floated around the cold tunnel, with its tall, icy walls, and and sombre chill. Warmth came in the form of light, ripping through the high windows that were always just a little too far out of reach. The light, with its blinding purity, never ceased to end. It was a comfort to them, especially for those who had sat in the biting station for so long their woollen jackets were often coated with dust as well. As old as the ticket machine, the newer ones liked to say.

It was always the newer ones that still had their voices in their throats. Words were not often needed in their newfound residence. The time-display board gave all the words they needed, after all.

The letters flickered and glowed in a gleaming orange hue, painting the surrounding walls in a colour that seemed almost too bright.

High on its pedestal, the time-display had always announced one thing:

Train Coming.

Who were they to question it when it contained wisdom far beyond their own. They often glanced at it, craning their necks in hope.

Train Coming, it said. Had always said.

Those who had been in there longer, with the ice and the white glare of the light and the dust-topped ticket machine, would stare at those orange letters with dark, unblinking eyes. A thing of worship, they would mutter. Distant and out of reach, the display almost mocked them. Distant and out of reach, they let it.

Those who tried to be smart walked the length of the rails, disappearing into the deep blacks and greys of the tunnel.

Those who tried to be smarter had attempted to open the doors, pulling on those elegant, swooping iron barricades. Like the display, the gates remained unchanged. Forever locked. Exactly how they came into existence.

Eternity was bliss.

Eternity was torture.

A silent question, simple in its nature, often echoed through their minds. Where were they?

A silent question because no one dared to question the ever-present light, and the time-display that knew so much more than them.

And so, calm was how they were, ambling around inside the station's cool walls. Sitting on benches for feet that were never really tired. Glancing at the unchanging display.

With all those eyes, wide and staring and empty, it was clear when it all changed.

The letters hesitated in their saffron glow for a moment, flipping to create the words:

Train Arriving.

With their tickets still in their hands, some straight and some wrinkled, yellowed around the edges, they all stumbled toward the edge.

A whistle shrieked somewhere from the inky depths, turning all heads toward it with a unified snap.

Eternity was imprisonment.

Light shined from the void that was the rails, twinkling gently as it came ever closer, and it was so, so much brighter than they could have ever expected. Gleaming with so much more power than that of the harsh lines that cascaded down from above, broiling the tiles with yellow and white.

The train, divine and sacred, slowed to a halt in front of them. Grey like the walls and grey like floor, the train was bland, dry, stale.

Silently, the doors opened, and no one moved. The train creaked quietly and they all watched. No one moved.

A shoe thrust through the crowd, worn leather, stepping heavily onto the wooden flooring, and as they took a seat upon the one of the many couches, everyone followed suit. They all clambered on, their shoes echoing on the tiles.

A whistle shrilled above them and the doors closed as silently as they opened, a thin layer of steam coating the windows. This was it.

They soon reached the black depths that was on either side of the tunnel, shrouding them all in darkness. The finale.

The black soon switched to blinding white, the light burning their eyes, their clothes, their throats.

To the future or to the past. Whichever you preferred.

[ranvame]

one year older

everything became so clear to make us believe that life was short, last time i was a girl who love to enjoy my moms food living a beautiful laugh for my dad, loving sisters and brother and for many dearest friend, now im more older to face my life

i want to thankful that i can feel how life till now cus many people outside there didn't get a chance to achive what they want have to be, well that was something that we have to grateful for, something smash for yourself to getting better day by day

im so grateful that i can see clear, i can hear msny songs, i can taste spicy, i can smell so good, i can feel, i can dance, i can walk, i can eat, everythings the little things become so valuable for you who become older

we never know what were going to face even tomorrow, in hours, minutes, or even second. So we never know are you going to left this damn world tomorrow or even just in a minute left. It is what it is what something that will be happen it will happen, im just enjoying my life as myself in this world there's so many things that i want to say to myself that u already work hard for this body and soul.

for my mom and my dad, you are more than everything in this world i can't aside a love that i feel when i was around you. I can't imagine that day will come to me when u have to let me grow as a human body when i was alone in this space and you just left me, im always hope that u will be get healthier more day by day. Because when i lost you, everything even the little things part of me never gonna be the same

For my sisters and brothers just fucked up, i dont care are u gonna feel what i fell you guys just a bunch of a selfish human that i ever seen, but aside of that im thankful for a moment and the lessons that i've got. I hope you guys can live a life that u wanted and enjoy for that

for my friends especially for ayu nadya and nisya, i met ayu and nadya when i was in high school and nisya in college. I love them sm im just love them and i cannot describe what meaning love of friendship, i just can say i really cannot let them go and i dont want to lose them really and so bad, like you already put your little hope into someone so you dont want to lose that hope

and for me, i know you were tired , you always trying to be perfect, to get a chance, to get everything that u want. If i can say something to my little me i said "i hope there's a time machine i want to go back in the moment that i dont have to think about many things"

It's so clear to me to see when u became older, everything moment in the past that you think before gonna be the moment that you can feel in the future and its like a circle just like people said "you're gonna feel what ifeel " like when i was junior i was to think to be in high school, and when i was in high school i use think how is it fell in college and next on it just a like circle life till u die

aside of that, important to me to feel what i feel rn. If i said that im okay than im not trully okay. Something that i really hate from myself when i have to aside the feeling when i want to tell how is it so hard so bad just because you scared of people that will be compared the hard moment that you've been through between them. so what you gonna do? well im just being shut down and yeah just let it

But more that you being shut up you feel that you save the toxic traits in your heart day byday became like a cell of cancer its broken and its spreading to the other cell and you died

So after all for now im trying my best to giving the best for myself i put myself become my top priority, i have to do something that will be the right way for my life. Im trying to aside the holes that im going to fall, i dont know if that going to be that deep if i fall, i have to wake up and im gonna trying hard again and again to reach the top no matter how much i fall again and again.

cause your life was short all you have to do in this world you cannot stay away from your god if you always stay on the way then you're gonna feel that world is a little hard things that you have to face

happy birthday bila, there's so many things that i have to say to you, but i think you already know it dept of my heart

you're the cutest girl that i ever seen and gonna be always, you precious than just a words

love from me now you have to forget your teenage moment bye bye and say hi to your real life

[femmascthing]

sorry for another vent i need to get this one off my chest ( cw for ableism )

i really. feel bad for my family. 3/4 of the people in this house are disabled or very likely disabled. my brother is epileptic and cant work because of it, i experience chronic leg pain, chronic fatigue and an extremely weak immune system that makes me feel like im always sick, and my mom experiences pain in her right side of her body nearly all the time as well as having a weak immune system. it doesnt help that my grandmother is in the hospital and mom and i dont think we can visit her because my mom thinks shes sick and i always feel sick. it doesnt help that my anxiety is extremely high. my current therapist im seeing had me do an anxiety test. average score was ~25, i got in the 60s. my anxiety makes me hate going to school, making calls, hanging out with people, standing up for myself, etc. nobody will believe i am chronically ill. ive been told its just because im out of shape, but nobody ever thinks "why is she out of shape? why is she unable to exercise without feeling ill? why does she struggle to walk some days? why is she unable to go out in the cold without feeling sick?" nobody will ever believe me because im not visibly disabled. i dont need a wheelchair or cane most days but some days i surely feel like i do. nobody will ever take my mental disabilities seriously either. because my hormones and mood swings are high, i may not ever get a bpd diagnosis. i may never have my autism taken seriously because im on the "high functioning" side of the spectrum. i may never have my psychosis taken seriously because im "creative and imaginative." im so tired of everything at this point. im in highschool, my final years. thinking about this makes me want to cry. i want to be able to hang out with people, i want to be able to attend school regularly, i want to be able to understand concepts despite me being absent when they were taught. i hope that if i am able to attend university or college, i will be able to be taken seriously. but on the bright side, im medicated for at least anxiety/depression finally. its been helping a lot, which im very happy about. but if theres one thing i dont want a diagnosis for its my did. i dont want to experience constant fakeclaiming by others and especially professionals because im the main fronter unless we are experiencing high stress or a traumatic event. i dont want people to avoid me because of my disorders. but to everyone in my school, im the weird art kid who likes anime and fashion that has anxiety that everyone thinks im faking. its clear im not but honestly i dont fucking care if people think im faking my anxiety. its my issue, not theirs. they arent the ones who get so stressed out a huge rash appears on their skin and doesnt go away, its me.

[corpsegirlmeat]

clinging does nothing but remove one player from contributing and drag goldies further from the basket, therefore the eggs drop further away and are harder to put in. here are some tips to hopefully make goldie rush easier for yall:

weapon roles are very important to make everything go smoothly. weapons with decent range and rate of fire (mostly shooters) should be shooting further back along the line of chums, thinning them out making things easier for everyone at the front, this is called filtering

all sloshers can stand at the front of the horde and slosh Above the pack, so the ink hits the whole line and not just the ones directly infront, this is very effective for lesser clearing in general (this also works well with brushes)

rollers have the most important role during rush!! the roller should stand at the whatever spot is The Spot for the map (ill get there in a second, usually on the ramp up to the platform the rest of the team is standing on) to act as a shield for the rest of the crew. if you just barely move forward, like as slow as you can possibly go, you deal damage to all the salmonids coming towards you while using minimal amounts of ink. rollers are the backbone to any good rush wave. (undercover brella can do this too now after its buff in sizzle season! minus the ink consumption part)

specials should be used when the team is low on ink, to give everyone a chance to refill ink as well as recover from anything going poorly, inkjet, wavebreaker, and booyah bomb are especially useful

now onto arguably the more important thing, positioning!

in general its extremely important for everyone to be aware of who is currently being targeted. the targeted player should stand near the basket/on The Spot (again ill get there in a second)/behind the roller, others should be moving eggs when possible. the target changes every few seconds **regardless of target changes via death or any other reason**, keeping track of when the target changes to swap positions and support the team is crucial. direction also changes at the same time as a target change

each map has its own very good spot to stand:

-spawning grounds has the central platform right at basket

-hydroplant has the back left platform

-jammin has the platform right behind basket (though i dont have much experience with that map cause its so new) (there is also a pretty wacky roller spot but take it with a grain of salt because i havent tested it in practice)

-sockeye is a little bit more complicated. it has the central platform with the basket, but theres more to it than that. the targeted player should stand JUST INFRONT of the ramp on the right side. doing this forces all the salmonids to go up the right side, eliminating the chance for them to sneak up the otherside and overwhelming the team

-bay is similar to sockeye. the targeted player should stand RIGHT BEHIND the grate on the right side, just barely not on it. just like sockeye this forces the salmonids to all go to the right side

here are some examples of high level rush gameplay! x x

however like most strats in sr, it wont work unless everyone is on board. if someone isnt standing in the right place or doing the right thing, is important to be flexible and work around it. adapt to what they are doing and help them, spamming This Way when their eyes are glazed over and show no indication of doing the "right" thing is just as detrimental as rushing to shore at the start of the wave. stay with your team and work together!

anyway hope this helps in all your future rush related fishing endeavors!

Salmon Run PSA because I still see people doing this in Eggsecutive VP:

Stop doing the fucking wall strat on Glowflies!!! It don't work!!! You're deliberately handicapping your team for very little benefit!!!

[gingersforeverbox]

hello!! i see your requests are open!! i hope you dont mind if i request something, if ive made you annoyed with this im really, REALLY sorry a lot, but ill ust get on with the request, if you dont know who this person is that im requesting, im giving this info to help you out with it (:

can you do Vi, Caitlyn And Jinx with a S/O who has a Eula personality from geshin impact? if you dont know heres the info.

Eula has piercing light blue hair with a headband ordained with a four pointed headpiece.She wears a cape on her right shoulder with her Vision in clear view alongside a decorative feather piece, a black leotard with the Lawrence crest emblazoned on both hips, the upper back cut open exposing her back, and covered by her white/light blue knight uniform on top. Blue stockings covered by her black thigh high boots and silver high heels finish her outfit.

Eula endured a harsh aristocratic upbringing, in which the principles of nobility were drilled into her and even after she forsakes the name of her clan, it still affects her temperament and loquacious manner of speech to this day. While she comes across as having a frosty demeanor and her frequent claims for vengeance for even the smallest slights may come off as intimidating, in truth she is caring and dutiful, and uses these calls for retribution as a quirky coping mechanism. Those around her long enough to know her such as Amber and Jean would frequently defend these claims, slowly but surely easing the long seated, albeit well deserved ire her last name brings and to see the people of Mondstadt accept her as she is..

sorry if its long!! hopefully you can do this one whenever is possible for you, thank you and drink lots of water (:

A/n: Not gonna lie, this one was pretty tricky for me to do (especially since I had to learn what Geshin Impact was😅), but I think I was able to pull something off for ya. As for the characters, I didn't necessarily plan on writing for these lovely ladies so soon, but I'm happy to give it a shot! Thank you so much for the request, and don't hesitate to let me know what you think! :)

Vi, Caitlyn, and Jinx with a S/O who has a Eula personality from Geshin Impact:

Vi

After abandoning your shameful family's tyranny, you moved to Runeterra in order to start over, and have a new life.

After making it off the boat, you wanted to raise the least amount of suspicion about your heritage, so you found a shitty apartment in Zaun for more than it was probably worth.

You found work as a mercenary, offering your experience with a blade and your cold demeanor as a tool to others who had the right coin.

Being a mercenary in Zaun would be fine if you didn't stick out like a sore thumb in the bars with your perfect posture and perfect manners.

Vi picked you out of the crowd in a matter of seconds and felt the need to talk to the supposed Piltie mercenary.

"So, what's a Piltie doing at this guild?" she'd drawl while looking you over.

After explaining that your past is of no import, she'd shrug but still ask you to help her with a job: Finding her sister.

You'd be a bit confused but ultimately agree so long as she'd let you go ham on whoever got in the way.

As you both scoured the Underground looking for 'Powder', you became closer and closer to the pink-haired brute.

Eventually, you open up to her about your upbringing and personal mission, and it takes her aback at first.

Since she is a Zaunite at heart, it may take her a minute to understand that even though you come from a privileged upbringing, you aren't just like the other Pilties and plush aristocrats.

Eventually, she comes around to you when you demonstrate that you are very much not a classist.

She definitely understands the passion for vengeance... on a personal level.

She will listen to each of your empowering speeches with awe.

I'm telling you now, that your passion is something that she truly thinks is one of the best attributes of your personality. seriously she believes it is fucking astounding how you fight both verbally and physically for what you believe in.

Caitlyn

You most likely went to the enforcers of Piltover in order to find a job where you could put all of your efforts into helping others while taking your own vengeance into account.

Caitlyn had just started as a trainee enforcer when you were stationed with her in training.

During training, it was apparent that you were excellent at combat and persuasion when it came to de-escalation. however, Side by side, she knows that you two are a lethal force to be trifled with on the field. She uses this to her advantage to utilize the intimidation method to avoid unnecessary conflicts.

After graduating from the academy together, you were stationed in the same precinct where you would both work together in just about every case.

after years of being "just friends", she finally got the courage to ask you out as more than a friend.

As soon as she rushed out her question, you giggled and reassured her that she wasn't overstepping and that it wouldn't be awkward, because you shared the same feelings but were unsure of her stance on it.

Caitlyn is no stranger to having social expectations from a studious family. She is a Kiramman after all. 

She probably has the most personal experience with dealing with the fallout of being the ‘Black sheep’ of the family, but she also understands the reasoning behind your difference.

Tea parties are still something she enjoys, so if you felt like it, she would be absolutely honored if you wanted to relive some of the better parts of your upbringing by having some tea with her and her family.

Jinx

Jinx for sure understands what it feels like to be... different from your family, for lack of a better word.

When you first meet, she definitely questions what a chick like you are doing in a place like Zaun, but once you give your reasoning of "finding vengeance" she is all on board.

If I'm being completely honest, she would probably slip up and mention "The pretty chick I met at the bridge with the cool blue swords," to her father, Silco. This would probably end up in him insisting on meeting the person who could potentially make for an ally in his plan for Zaun's independence. If you managed to get Jinx's attention, you might make a worthy ally to have.

Upon hearing that Jinx was looking for you for some particular reason, you waited for her to find you where you last saw her- the bridge.

To say she found you quickly would be the understatement of the year.

She immediately wanted you beside her because one, you're a fucking badass, and two, you're really pretty and she likes that about you.

After showing your worth in training with some more of the underlings, and even sparring with Sevika (much to Jinx's dismay) You were placed in charge of training some of the newer recruits for physical combat.

Your speeches actually made people inspired and drove them into success while serving Zaun, so you got bonus points from the higher in command, but most of all, Jinx actually listened to each one of them.

After a long day of training, Jinx ran into the basement of the Last Drop looking for you and promptly asked you out on a date to the closest noodle bar she liked.

"Come on toots, whaddya say?"

[purplekiwis]

OMG YES! Damaged goods blurb! Can you do a fluff one where one of them is sick with seasonal flu and the other has to take care of them, but they're being stubborn about it because that's just what they do and how they are 🤧

Okay, okay... here she is! It's a bit meh I think, but I hope you like it! 🥰

*

Harry is sick and grumpy, and Y/N takes care of him (from the Damaged Goods AU)

Harry feels miserable.

He’s worse than miserable, really,

because he has a cold… or is it the flu?! He has never known to spot the differences between the two, but he recognized all of the early signs, of course...

As per usual, it started with nothing but a sore throat one morning when he woke up, that ended up lingering throughout the whole day, then came a headache, and the tiredness, and the chills…

It wasn’t so unbearable at first… but the symptoms only kept getting worse and worse as the hours went by, to the point of leaving him with no choice but to skip his classes in favor of staying in bed… suffering.

The worst part about it? He wasn’t even suffering at home – where his mom could be taking her lips to his forehead every so often to see if he had a fever, and bringing him bowls of soup and fruit cubes on that same familiar bedtray that had accompanied him throughout all his periods of sickness.

Mom would also be making sure he stayed hydrated and took his medicine in time... which by the way, he wasn’t taking any. Logically speaking, Harry knew he should have gone to a pharmacy by now, to get something to make him feel better, but how? When he couldn't even muster the will to get up and go downstairs to fill the empty water bottle perched on his nightstand.

He couldn’t move.

Every single inch of his body hurt.

And now he was starting to get shivery under his bedclothes... for fucks sake.

If only he had Pepper, his spaniel mutt puppy, around to snuggle and keep his body cozy and warm like a hot water bag... then perhaps Harry would've been in a better mood. Yeah, definitely. Pepper would've let him bury his snotty face into its soft fur, and not even think to complain if its owner left a puddle of guck all over said fur.

But well, Pepper isn't there.

And being sick sucks.

Especially because Harry really wants some cuddles... and it hasn't been helping his case whatsoever that in this trying day of illness, his mind has done nothing but think of Y/N.

Pondering over what outfit she must have worn that day and what she might be up to while he’s laying there on his deathbed. He also wonders if she has noticed his absence, and if so… if she’s worried about him.

He huffs once he checks his phone again and realizes there are still no messages from her. She doesn’t have to check on him. He knows that, but he can't help that he likes to be cared for sometimes… and as it turns out illness has a tendency to turn him into a big, needy baby... who really wants to have Y/N taking care of him. It would be so good. She could play with his hair the way he likes, give him forehead kisses, hold his hand…

Harry sighs out loud. Her company would be even better than Pepper's, he believes... although Harry isn't so sure Y/N would enjoy having his snot on her as much as his trusty pup would, but that’s beside the point.

It’s even more beside the point because he knows she's not coming to see him.

She’s mad at him, he recalls now. Stupidly so, if he's allowed to think that - he did nothing wrong, after all. She asked him for a “brutally honest opinion” on a design work she was doing for one of her classes, and he simply gave her what she asked for, plain as that. But of course, then she didn’t like what he had to say and got sulky. Just girls being girls, he guesses…

Harry should've known better than to think that would stop her from coming to see him, though. His girl was a little box of surprises, after all... a true master in the art of keeping him on his toes.

She showed up only half an hour after she was done with her classes... softly knocking on his door before poking her head inside with a smile, only for her jaw to drop in shock at the absolute misery that oozed from his pores.

“Y/N…” His voice cracked sickly, almost comically. Harry could have laughed at it if he wasn't so utterly lethargic. “What- what are you doing here?”

“Well, what do you think?” The girl huffed, shutting the bedroom door behind her and heading towards the end of the bed to get a good look at him, hands on her hips. “Why didn't you tell me you were sick? Here I was, going about my day thinking you had slept in for being a bum, only to find out through your friends that you were unwell.”

Harry bit the inside of his cheek, trying to hide his downright amusement at her worried state. Y/N was worried about him? Well then, perhaps her irritation had passed and she had forgiven him… which meant maybe he’d get to have those cuddles he wanted so bad. “I thought you were mad at me?” He poked, eyebrows arching teasingly the best they could with the little energy the muscles on his face could muster.

“Well, I was and am now even more.” She punctuated. “But I still care, obviously. How am I supposed to leave you by yourself when you look like that?” She put down the bag she was holding at the edge of the bed and kneeled next to it on the floor.

“Look like what?” He frowned again. “All snotty and gross?”

“Precisely… and an awful lot like Rudolph the reindeer as well.” Y/N added, with a soft pat to the tip of his swollen, red nose.

Harry smiled at that, right before his eyes fell on the bag over his bed. “Did you go to the store to get those creepy sheet masks you wanted?”

“Huh?” She muttured confused, before noticing where he was looking at. “Oh no, um… these are just some things I got for you. Just vitamins and those gummies for when you have a sore throat, and also uh…” Y/N's cheeks went a little hot. “I got some chicken soup from the buffet restaurant as well, you know… the one next to the drug store. I thought it might do you good…”

“You went to get all that stuff for me?” Harry asked, Y/N hummed happily in confirmation, her eyes gleaming with tenderness. “Y/N... you shouldn't have. That shit is so expensive, and I'm fine, really. It's just a cold. You dont have to worry, let alone take care of me.”

“No offence, but I think I do.” The girl challenged his statement, picking up the halfway used toilet paper roll placed on his nightstand. “For a start, you shouldn’t even be using this to blow your nose. It’ll only irritate your skin and make it more sore.”

Harry rolled his eyes playfully. “That’s such a mum thing to say…” He grumbled in attempt to mask the fact that the secret big, needy baby in him was loving every single bit of the mom talk, and the same applies to when Y/N clicked her tongue chastisingly once he stubbornly snatched the roll off her hand and pulled out some more paper.

She took the chance that he had moved his arm to move a bit closer, sitting on the edge of the bed next to his pillow. “Is there anything else I can do to make you feel better?” She asked, lovingly running her digits through his unwashed curls. They felt a little waxy and knotty in her hands, but she didn’t mind it in the slightest. She just wanted to make him feel better in any way she could. So she kept playing with his hair, scratching at the roots and combing her fingers through his strands just the way she knew he reveled in - only breaking contact once she was almost certain that he had fallen asleep on her... However, as soon as Y/N began to pull her hand away to check her phone, Harry let out a whine and bumped his forehead against her wrist, in a silent request for her to keep going. “You're such a baby sometimes…” Y/N whispered, proceeding to fulfill his wish.

“Mhm... your baby.” He sighed happily.

Y/N smiled to herself at the state of pure bliss Harry was in. So utterly distracted by the slow puffy nature of his breaths, that she almost didnt notice that his droopy eyes had opened and were now fixed on her. He cleared his throat painfully. “Y/N... can I have one of those gummies you got? My throat hurts and I really want to try one.”

Y/N let out a tiny chuckle at the pleading tone he'd used, nodding as she got up to grab the bottle from the bag. She threw it at him playfully to catch midair, knowing that his reflexes were outstanding. “Ohh these seem nice. I love lemon and honey flavored shit.” He told her whilst inspecting the label.

“Yeah?” Y/N couldn’t help but to grin, feeling quite proud of herself for picking the right flavor. But her smile quickly melted into an expression of concern once she watched Harry crack open the bottle and carelessly throw a bunch of gummies into his mouth. “Harry! What are you- that’s not candy! You can’t eat them by the handful!”

“Oi, chill out… it’s just gummies. What wrong could it do?” He asked as he blithely chewed them. Words coming out garbled since he was speaking in between a mouthful.

“Oh, I don't know, perhaps there could be anesthetics in them... but who knows? It was just a thought.” Y/N ironized.

“Really?” He made a wry face similar to hers, inspecting the label closer. “Do you think we can get high on this shit?” He smirked, still chewing as he rolled the container around to check the ingredients in the back. “Cause I'm not gonna lie, that sounds like a pretty good afternoon plan to me...” He half joked, cracking the bottle open again and dropping a couple more gummies in his palm.

Y/N heaved at the suggestion. “I think it’s more likely that you get a terrible bellyache, and we end up in the ER...”

“You really think so?” Harry asked teasingly, taking another gummy to his mouth.

“Okay, that's enough. Give me that.” Y/N demanded, pushing for him to pass the container, but all he did was shake his head with a mischievous, defiant smirk. The girl rolled her eyes at him. “You know what? Fine.” She shrugged. “Eat as many as you want. Can't wait to watch you shit the bed once those anesthetics give you a loose bottom.”

He chuckled at the warning, amused. “If you’re so bothered, why don’t you come get them from me?” He questioned, but before he could prepare himself Y/N jumped on the bed to try and take the bottle away from his hands, what forced him to abruptly sit up and hold it over his head just so she couldn’t reach it from where she sat. “That was... real cute. Is that all you got, hm?”

Y/N huffed and crawled over his legs until she was practically on his lap. Seeing right through his facade once he happily handed off the gummies without putting up a fight and wrapped his arms around her middle to pull her in for a hug instead. “You must think you're so sly, don't you?” She mumbled in question, going back to petting his hair. “If you wanted a cuddle, you could’ve just said so… I don't mind your germs.”

“I was trying to behave to avoid getting you sick, actually…”

“Yeah right...” Y/N grumbled, dropping her head on his shoulder for a moment. “But I guess, since you've already passed me the germs and all... might as well just give me a kiss, no?” She proposed shyly, waiting for Harry to make the move. He did, pulling away slightly and placing his lips in hers softly. “Mm, more.” She pouted.

“Greedy.” He joshed, pecking the girl's lips again, and again... and once more for good measure. The damage was already done, after all... they might as well just keep doing it. “I feel disgusting, though. If I knew you were coming, I would’ve at least taken a shower and brushed my teeth. Can’t believe you still want to kiss me when I am like this.”

Y/N scratched at the frizzy hairs of his nape. “I promise you don't smell or look nearly as bad as you think you do… and you taste like lemon and honey so, that’s nice.” Harry distrustfully scrunched up his nose at her allegation, sniffing up some in the process before his digits rushed to grab some more toilet paper. He took it to his nose, blowing noisily. “Alright, snotty boy…” Y/N laughed, swiftly crawling off his lap. “How about I go downstairs to plate up our soup while you pick a movie for us to watch as we eat? It can be one of those “guy movies” and all, I promise I won't complain... today only, cause I'm giving you privilege for being sick.”

His eyes strayed towards you with interest, the lower half of his face still covered behind the poorly ripped toilet paper sheets. “I was actually thinking more like a musical or a pixar movie, maybe?”

“God, Harry.” Y/N gasped in awe. “I swear I've never felt more attracted to you in my life. Snot and everything.”