#if it pays for them to start up again they definitely will
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guard dog w/ jeong yunho
pt2
you live in a shitty apartment in a shitty neighbourhood surrounded by shitty neighbours who seem to make it their life’s work to make your life a living hell
the guy that lives across from you is an aspiring dj, emphasis on aspiring
unfortunately with him working the late shift at his supermarket job, it means he likes to practice late into the night
after the first 5 noice complaints, you just gave up trying to get a decent night sleep; part of you thinks he carried on just as one giant ‘fuck you’
the family that live upstairs aren’t great either
the son—timmy? tommy? who cares—thinks it’s fun to sit on the stairs with his buddies and smoke anything they can get their hands on
your air freshener is the only thing keeping you from losing your mind at them! well, that and the fact that quite frankly him and his friends terrify you
they watch you carefully as you make your way down the stairs, pushing through their congregation with a tight lipped, overly polite smile on your face
usually they don’t say a word, giving you little more acknowledgment than a hum as you thank them for barely making enough room for you to push through them
they make you nervous, you can’t deny that, and half of you thinks that’s the whole point
it’s like it’s some sort of strange power play to keep you from complaining to his parents, or worse, the landlord
not exactly a threat, but not not one
maybe it’s those nerves that made you open up to your friend one day
you’d met up with him at a local cafe, offering to pay for his coffee if he gave you half of the sandwich he’d brought with him
“they just spook me a little, y’know?” you mumble as a few crumbs topple over your bottom lip and onto your chin, “it’s a group of 10 over-grown teenage boys; it’s fucking intimidating!”
mingi just nods along, a small frown on his face as he listens to you complain about your living conditions for what seems like the millionth time
he gets it; moving is expensive, especially in the city, and you need to stay relatively close to where you work since you don’t have a car
it doesn’t mean he has to like it, though
“what about a guar—”
“a guard dog?” you cut him off, “mingi, we’ve had this conversation so many times before!”
it’s the truth; it seems like every single time you see him he brings up the same suggestion; scary dog privileges can get you very far in life according to you friend
“too mentally ill to look after another life, sure,” he reiterates the same point you make every single time, “but what about a hybrid?”
again, it feels like you’re in a constant loop of deja vu, destined to relive this conversation over and over again until you can finally afford to move out of that shit hole
“i can’t aff—”
“—afford a hybrid, yeah i know,” you roll your eyes as he finishes your sentence; jesus, he’s annoying, “but what if i told you i knew a guy?”
it sounds suspicious, but you won’t lie and say you’re not a little curious
perhaps you’re just a little too nosy to not lean in a little closer with a brow cocked a question of ‘who?’ primed on your tongue
“can’t say,” is all mingi says, “he doesn’t like people poking around in his business.”
he says it so nonchalantly as if he’s not your best friend who’s just announced that he knows someone who is almost definitely into some dodgy shit
you’d be a bad friend if you didn’t ask at least a few questions, but before you can even open your mouth, mingi beats you to it
“£200 will get you a hybrid though,” you almost choke on the sandwich at the price; this is some seriously dodgy guy if he’s selling hybrids for that little, “£300 if you start laying down preferences.”
“mingi,” you begin, about to beg him to get out of whatever business he’s getting himself involved in
“i’m assuming it’s a no?” he raises an eyebrow; you don’t even have to nod for him to understand your answer
he concedes, throwing his hands up in surrender like he always does whenever you have this conversation
still, the smirk on his face as the conversation moves onto something else doesn’t fill you with the upmost confidence
a week passes by rather quickly; you work, you come home, you go about your evenings as normal, you sleep
nothing seems any different, and why would it? nothing about your life ever really changes without some sort of built up or expectation
and then your doorbell rings
you assume it’s just your neighbour again, around at yours to ask you some sort of stupid question that could easy be solved using a single braincell and google
you trudge to the door with a sour look on your face and a bitterness already growing on your tongue, just to swing it open to see… not your neighbour
not anyone you recognise for that matter
your gaze travels up from the chest you stand eye-to-eye with, traipsing lazily over the defined muscles on his neck before reaching his face
a jaw set in stone, two steely brown eyes and a pair of jet black dog ears are what immediately catch your attention
that and the fact that he’s very handsome; so much so that it takes everything in you not to stare at him with your mouth wide open
“are you going to let me in?” he says as if the hybrid’s arrival at your door was at all expected by you
“who are you?” is the only response you can
“your guard dog,” he replies, and just like that everything clicks into place
mingi, that bastard
“but i didn’t pay for a guard dog,” you argue, hoping that it’ll be enough to make him go back to whatever creep it is that mingi has gotten involved with
“well, someone did.”
he looks bored as he uses a hand to push you aside and steps past you into your tiny apartment, as if this is just another day for him
maybe it is; you don’t know much about hybrids, but you’ve heard enough stories to know just how many of them go through life without a permanent home
they’re tossed from pillar to post as if they’re not conscious beings with minds and lives of their own
it’s sad, the fact that they can be so easily tossed aside by so many people
it’s even sadder to find yourself relating to that feeling
you shut the door, twisting the lock with a finality that you’re not sure you understand
“what’s your name?” you ask as you turn to face him
“yunho,” he sighs
it’s a pretty name, you think to yourself
one that you wouldn’t mind saying over and over again for the… foreseeable future…
seriously, fuck song mingi
“well i’m—”
“i know your name, puppy,” your mouth snaps shut at the authority that laces itself into his words, “it’s all i’ve heard for the past few days.”
you zip your mouth shut, something in your brain warning you not to speak out of turn
something in your brain seems to forget that this is your own home; surely you can speak whenever you want to
“i wasn’t sure what to expect, but you seem to fit the bill,” dark pupils land on your body, dancing up and down your form before finally meeting your eyes, “a pretty thing like you in a town like this? i’m shocked you’re still in one piece.”
“how dare you, i—”
“where am i sleeping?” he cuts you off like your complaints are little more than the stubborn words of a child
it irritates you to no end, and yet you can’t find the words to fight back
there’s just something in his eyes that has you convinced that maybe you’re not the one in charge here
“the couch,” you point to the ratty leather thing, feeling a slight twinge of guilt that it’s the only thing you have to offer
he takes a glance at at for just a second or two before shaking his head
“no,” he replies, “you have a double bed, right?”
“a double—” your eyes go wide, “you’re not sleeping in my bed!”
“yes, i am,” he insists, condescending and annoying. you hate him already, “because i’m certainly not sleeping on that thing, puppy.”
it doesn’t go unnoticed that he’s yet to use your name, instead sticking to that godforsaken nickname
if you thought it would make a difference, you might say something about it, but the stubborn arsehole has already shown enough of himself to make you understand that it would do very little
“the floor is available,” you spit, venemously
“and yet it tempts me even less than the sofa,” he smiles sarcastically and it boils your blood, “you’re just gonna have to get used to sharing.”
he takes a few paces forward until you’re having to crane your neck to look him in the eyes
you can practically feel his breath dancing across your cheeks as he lets out a low chuckle, a darkness washing over his face as he studies you
“you’re gonna have to get used to a lot of things now that i’m here,” warmth spreads across your cheek as his palm moves to cup it, “but that’s okay puppy, i can be patient while you learn.”
#ateez x reader#ateez fanfic#ateez oneshot#ateez scenarios#ateez fic#yunho x reader#yandere ateez#yandere yunho
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The night wasn’t completely over yet once William was gone at least. Aside from chatting with his new neighbour, Sebastian also facetimed with his boyfriend a little more once he was home, showed him all the cats again, chatted a bit longer. It’s been an incredibly long day for William and yet he only hung up once he was home himself, ready to just fall from the shower straight into bed. Sebastian definitely felt better tonight, despite the additional pain – he slept better, didn’t have any nightmares.
While William took his much needed shower, he got a surprise text from someone – apart from Isa asking how he is doing, Othello texted him.
‚Hey, I wanted to ask which room Sebastian’s in and if he’s still in hospital? I couldn’t with Isa but I wanted to pay him a visit either way :)‘
In the morning Sebastian even felt somewhat well rested – even got some porridge with fruit for breakfast and not boring juice and fruit purree. God, had he missed solid food. His stomach was only recovering slowly but it was already much better than yesterday.
On this fine Friday morning, Sebastian also chatted some more with his bed buddy. He learned that the man was close to 70 years old, retired military man and former lieutenant at the royal marines. That in itself already sounded pretty insane and Sebastian learned a lot about his many adventures out on the sea. It was so completely different to his own life. He and Mr Shaw, as he got to learn his name, were both pretty chatty, which was fortunate. Mr Shaw liked Sebastian’s tattoos and hair, mentioned how they all had to shave their heads the moment they started their training as young rookies. Sebastian liked listening to him – a friendly though odd fellow, heh, just like he was.
Later before noon Dr Cole came around again to check on them. When she came to Sebastian to ask him about how he was feeling, Sebastian of course asked when he would get discharged. Unfortunately Dr Cole confirmed, what he had feared – he would only be able to go home by Monday morning, as she didn’t have weekend shifts this week and she was the one to sign all the documents – so that would all happen on Monday. Sebastian hoped in the morning.
At school, meanwhile, everything was much as always. Sebastian’s students were somewhat glad that his classes were just…substituted by another teacher, they could do their homework, basically had an hour to do whatever they wanted. Teachers too assumed Sebastian simply was sick for a few days – nobody really realized that his sick leave would go on some more weeks.
Their friend group was of course prepared today – Ronald had brought flowers, Alan and Eric had been in charge of sweets. After school, they would stop by Sebastian‘s place to feed the kitties, then they would all go visit him together.
For I have sinned...
The principal cleared his throat, eyes scanning the notes that he had wrote down before this meeting. It already lasted an hour, and the teachers gathered in the faculty room were becoming restless and bored. But indeed there were some things to discuss, with the concert that the senior class was supposed to perform at the end of the semester, and with recent staff changes.
William glanced down at his watch, sighing softly. His class was starting in 15 minutes, so at least, whether the meeting will be done soon or not, he will get to excuse himself. He looked out of the window, his mind wandering. Principal’s voice turned into white noise in the background. It was a pleasant day, late summer. But William was looking forward to a slightly cooler weather. Wearing all black could really be bothersome at times.
“And lastly, I am pleased to announce that we have finally found replacement for the violin teacher. Dear Mr Tanaka, may he rest in peace, was with us for so many years that I’ve been concerned we won’t be able to find someone as good as to fill this position.” the principal spoke. “But Mr… Michaelis, was highly recommended to me, and he indeed has impressive references. He will be starting this week, so please welcome him warmly once he will arrive. Ah yes… about that. He will arrive today at noon, I need someone to pick him up from the train station and bring over for the tour around the school. Any volunteers?”
William was barely listening, and definitely not paying much attention. He glanced at his watch again, and saw that it was time to leave, as his class was about to start. He raised his hand to excuse himself, and little did he know, he just volunteered.
“Father William! Excellent!” the principal exclaimed. “Just don’t be late, the train arrives at noon.”
“Train…?” William questioned, raising his brow. He had a feeling he was missing something…
***
Right after the meeting, William had to run for the class, so he had little time to clarify what exactly he had volunteered for. He was a piano teacher in this Music Academy, but also he served as a priest in local church. Well respected, and rather liked. So when he later found out it was about the new violin teacher, he didn’t refuse. Who, other than himself, would be a better choice to introduce a newcome to their community?
So even though he raised his hand by accident, he accepted this fate.
After classes, at noon, William took a taxi and drove to the train station, to pick up their new teacher. Wearing black trousers, and a black shirt with a thin tie, was absolutely dreadful in this weather, so William quickly found shelter under the roof of the station platform, that provided some shade.
The train had just arrived. William had no idea how Mr Michaelis looked like, but he figured he will just look for someone carrying a violin case with them.
He was in for a bit surprise.
@crazyvik97
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If you could do one where reader and JJ used to be together secretly but they broke up and stayed friends and like months later when JJ is with Kiara all the pogues find out about their relationship it would be awesome <33
The crickets were chirping in the background while you leaned your hip against the wall in the backyard of your house and JJ was in front of you, playing with his hat. Your gaze was on the floor as you both stood in a tense silence.
“So that's it?” He broke the silence with a trembling voice and you sighed, looking up into his eyes, seeing the pain in them.
“You know this is the best decision.”
He nodded slowly and turned around, walking towards his motorcycle.
“We'll be fine, right?” You raised your voice and JJ just nodded again.
“Yeah, I just need time.”
He started the engine of the motorcycle and took off from there, leaving a feeling of emptiness in you but you knew everything would be fine.
It had been at least three months since the two of you had broken up and everything was going smoothly between you and JJ. All except that you started to notice Kiara very close to him until the two of them finally started dating.
You didn't feel jealous or anything like that since you always noticed a certain energy between them, but it was definitely strange seeing your ex with someone else.
One day when the Pogues were relaxing at the Chateau, you walked into the kitchen to make yourself a PB&J sandwich. You couldn't reach the peanut butter until an arm reached out and grabbed it easily for you. You turned around and it was the blonde you had been so in love with.
“Are you going to make yourself a sandwich?” You nodded with a knowing smile. You had always had a tradition that he would prepare your sandwiches and you would pay him with a make out session. “Let me do it for you.” He took the jam from your hand and began his work. “When we were dating you liked these.”
“I…”
“Were you two dating!?” A voice filled the kitchen, interrupting your words and you both stopped what you were doing to look at the person. It was Sarah.
“Y-yeah, I mean…” JJ scratched the back of his neck and looked at you for support.
“A long time ago.”
“Oh god.” She muttered and left the kitchen towards the porch where the others were.
You and JJ followed hot on her heels and Sarah was already telling what she had just found out.
“The two of them were dating, did you know that?!” Everyone looked at you both in surprise except for Kiara who was looking at JJ with a frown.
You both tried to think of what to say until finally you were the one who spoke.
"It was a while ago, we both got over it."
You looked at Kiara and she gave you a sympathetic smile. The others started asking questions about your former relationship until they finally stopped the topic because they were hungry.
While they went to buy something to eat, you, JJ and Pope stayed at the Chateau. You and the blonde went back to the kitchen to finish preparing your sandwich and that's when you realized that you could become good friends after all.
Until he touched your hand and all the memories came back to your mind.
disclaimer ── evermoresversion © 2024.
#val's version#evermoresversion#val writes#jj maybank#jj maybank x y/n#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank fanfic#jj maybank angst#jj maybank fluff#jj maybank imagines#jj maybank imagine#outer banks angst#obx#obx imagines#obx imagine#obx fanfic#obx4#outer banks#outer banks fanfic#outer banks imagines#outer banks imagine#outer banks fluff#outer banks x reader#outer banks x y/n
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Gull chaos
(Featuring wind in an au where the chain obtained Wings at some point which only gives wind an excuse to indulge in some seagull (food theft) shenanigans. Not without consequence it seems though...)
Ok maybe Wind was in the wrong here... In his defense One does not give a young pirate the ability to fly and not expect him to indulge in some winged heists. Especially if it includes fresh baked pie in the second floor open bakery window of the Lady who had wrongly accused him of stealing some sweet rolls he was considering BUYING. If he was going to be accused of something, let him actually commit the crime first for Hylia's sake! Was wind just proving himself to be exactly what She had accused him of? Yes, But will he get Pie from it? also yes! Wind snuck away from his brothers into the side alley and removed the cloak that currently covered his new feathery appendages. Wild had given each of them one to keep from arousing suspicion or unwanted attention during their supply run in the nearby town. It was a little uncomfortable but really not that bad. It only took a small running start, some wobbly flaps, and a few near misses with the walls to get up to the window. His wings were definitely NOT built for confined spaces, too long and much more comfortable with the open skies above oceans. He was careful to keep a good grip on the window ledge and inspected his target. Ooooo it was cherry! The smell made Wind's mouth water. He carefully maneuvered the desert into one hand and was beginning to plan the best route to ground so he could enjoy his prize in peace when a startled cry sounded from inside the building. The Baker had returned with another pastry in her hands too cool on the window ledge she had assumed was well away from thieves. Her face was frozen in shock and Wind stared back with a similar startled expression. It was then that the baker had spotted the pie Wind had in his grip. That seemed to break her stunned silence as she grabbed a nearby broom and started to the window. "STOP THIEF!- MONSTER-" Wind took this as his queue to leave, nearly avoiding a hit with the broom and letting out a squawk he would deny making for the rest of his life. He spread his wings to catch his fall and he was soon landing in a crowd of rather alarmed people. Not even bothering to contain the chaos now Wind Darted away from the bakery and in the direction he had last seen his brothers. Stolen pie held above his head as he ran. More Shouts sounded behind him as he made his escape. Where were the others? they hadn't been far when he had snuck off in the first place and even then he was only gone for a few minutes. Wait there was Legend and Hyrule by a potions stand! Both of his brothers seemed rather astounded as the chains youngest nearly ran into them yelling something about needing to leave while holding what looked like a cherry pie above his head and seemed to have lost his cloak somewhere. The shouts from behind soon gave them a rather good idea of what might have transpired. " REALLY Wind?!" Legend shouted as the now group of three were making their escape through the marketplace. "She insulted me!" "You STOLE an entire pie and have just maybe run all of us out of town!" Hyrule just as indignant about the situation as the vet. "I can't restock potions now!" "Not My fault everyone overreacts!" Wind protested. "Your Impossible!" Legend shouted again. "Wait can't we just fly away?" Hyrule seemed to remember that all three of them had recently been given wings and could therefore all escape relatively easily. They all went silent. "Well I guess we're just throwing subtlety out the window." Legend muttered but stowed his cloak in his pouch. His own Tawny and pink wings stretching out. "Technically that happened a while ago."Wind stated as he launched himself in the air "when I In fact stole this pie out a window." "We're going to pay that baker back, still you know that." Hyrule leveled beside Wind. Iridescent wings seeming to move impossibly fast.
Wind groaned.
The trio soon landed back at the chain's camp a few minutes later. Legend confiscated the Pie, stating If everyone was going to be affected by this mess then everyone was going to get a share of the spoils. Wind had dejectedly slouched by a nearby tree. He would have shared anyway, he thought with a huff. It was about an hour later that the rest of the chain made their way back to camp, All but wild seeming to have varying levels of irritation written on their faces. Wind was starting to wonder again if he had made the right call…It did not take long to explain what happened though they seemed to already know the gist of it.
It also turns out now the entire Town was on guard for “winged monsters” that could disguise themselves as regular hylians and the rest of them had barely slipped away without suspicion. Without several of the supplies they had originally planned on getting.
Warriors was about to launch into (what was sure to be a very lengthy) lecture about responsibility or something when something seemed to dawn on Wild.
“So you lost my cloak?”
Ah. Well now Wind was definitely sure he had in fact, goofed.
#herring writes#linked universe#lu wind#lu legend#lu hyrule#Seagull wind commits crimes#Unfortunately not without consequence#Maybe one day#One day it will be only silly birb hyjinks#have yet to name this au#Feel free to leave suggestions#Edit: this has a name now#Birds of a feather AU
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My DSAF Headcanons!
woof, I forgot to post these-!
also, these are all of the characters (from DSAF) that could pop up in my replies.
Jack
Jack is transmasc, gay, and polyamorous. He used he/them/it pronouns.
I interpret and portray Jack as neutral, leaning towards Legacy.
He does not reciprocate Dave’s affections. It’s more like stalking than a healthy, loving relationship.
He is a pussy haver if anyone wanted to know that. (Looking at my friend group-)
Jack is dramatically underweight and very skeletal in appearance. If the orange makeup is washed off, he has rotting green skin underneath.
He’s 5'10.
Dave
Dave identifies as a genderfawn pansexual. He uses he/them pronouns.
Dave is a very silly person most of the time, but he can be cunning and dangerous at times. Really harassing him is the only way to get this sort of behavior out of him. Personality-wise, I would compare him to a mix of canon Dave and book William.
He’s really only on good terms with Jack. The Phone Guys, Matt, Dee, and Henry are all tired of his antics.
Dave is physically a male, not quite a human, but humanoid enough to have sex with Jack.
Like Jack, Dave is underweight. The only reason he isn’t a human is because he’s a cryptid.
He has an unhealthy obsession with harassing the phone guys.
He’s 6'0.
Steven
Steven is a transmasculine gay polyamorous man. He uses the pronouns he/it.
He's going out with Matt.
Steven used to be a war medic, serving in Vietnam for a bit.
Like all the other phone guys, he has a wire tail that can plug into any standard U.S. wall outlet.
He survives after the events of the first DSAF game, now living in Jack’s basement.
Foxy is still his favorite animatronic.
Steven’s about 7 feet tall, the phone adds a foot in height to him.
Peter
Peter is a cisgender bi-curious man. He uses he/him pronouns.
He’s really just a tired older brother dealing with Jack and Dave’s bullshittery.
Peter was the second sibling to die.
He’s aware of Dee being the Puppet, and hates Dave for killing his sister.
He lives with Jack, technically owning the house but not being the one to pay the bills.
Peter owns a shotgun and is a shitty aim with it.
Peter’s also 7 feet tall.
Matt
Matt is an agender gay guy. They use they/he pronouns.
They are a banshee-human hybrid, being a Latino too.
They are physically incapable of not smiling.
Unlike the majority of the Fazbender employees, Matt is actually a living being. Well, half-living.
Matt lives in whatever Fazbender location he’s currently in.
He has had sex with some of the plushies. They bought the plushies afterwards though.
Matt is 5'7.
Dee
Dee is a cisgender aroace girl. She uses she/her pronouns.
Mentally, Dee hasn’t aged all that much, so Jack and Peter still need to parent her.
She’s about as powerful as FNAF’s puppet.
Because the Puppet itself is a male, she gets called a boy way too often. She’s very eager to correct you if you mess that up.
Dee’s box is in the corner of Jack’s bedroom. She can’t sleep without him nearby.
Dee has witnessed Matt yiffing plushies. She locks her music box at night because of it.
Dee is about 8 feet tall, but was 4'11 at death.
Henry
Henry is a cisgender bisexual man. He uses he/void/it pronouns.
Void doesn’t exactly have a soul anymore. If it did, his soul would be a lot like Mr. Shade’s - too impure to redeem.
The void that covers its body is like an infection. It has been sealed away in the Flipside to prevent the infection from spreading.
Void has an impressively large vocabulary, being very annoying about it, too. It’ll correct you on your grammar, suggest different words you could use, etc. Almost like Grammarly as a person.
Henry served in the Second World War, and this desensitized it to death and bloodshed.
Void is morbidly obese.
Henry is 5'9.
Harry
Harry is a cisgender gay man. He uses he/him pronouns.
Harry’s about the same age as Steven.
He has chased people with brooms and will do it again.
He definitely started the group chat between all of the phone guys. He’s the mom friend.
Harry served in Vietnam, so he bonded with Steven over that and being some of the first phones to be made.
He lives with Jake and Walt down the street from Jack and the others.
Harry’s 6'11.
Jake
Jake is a straight demiboy. He uses he/they pronouns.
He’s the butt of every joke about purple guys, without question.
Jake knows how to twerk and will sucker punch you if you call him 'Jack' on purpose.
He’s an alcoholic still, but he’s trying to quit for his son’s sake.
Every April Fools, Jake is the main reason everyone’s on edge. He’s a major prankster.
Jake lives with Harry and Walt down the street from Jack and the others.
Jake is 7 feet tall.
Roger
Roger is a cisgender gay man. He uses he/them/it pronouns.
He’s married to @owlthehybrid and a father.
Roger met Owl when he was crying under a party table.
He’s terrified of Jack, to the point where he’ll completely shut down and obey his boss blindly.
Roger has a generalized anxiety disorder.
He lives with Owl and their daughter Iris.
Roger is 6'8. The shortest of the phones.
Walt
Honestly, I got nothing on this guy. He’s just here for the vibes.
#ooc post#dave miller#dsaf#|-dave-miller-|#dayshift at freddy's#jack kennedy dsaf#henry miller#steven stevenson#peter kennedy dsaf#roger jones dsaf#jake wilson dsaf#dee kennedy#dee kennedy dsaf#harry fitzgerald#dsaf harry#father arc#walt dsaf#my headcanons#hcs#selfshipper
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Great additions, thank you. That is the core of my issues with the route probably, the predetermination... And instead of subverting or playing with it the game just goes 'yep so anything you do is in line with what you must do, you will succeed in fulfilling your destiny either way, good job man' like alright. Does he really care about anything except for his mission? Unclear.
What DO you hold dear my dude... The only thing I disagree with is that the Haruspex feels obliged to hold an inferior position in comparison to the Bachelor - I don't think he does? They definitely have a transactional relationship and the Haruspex keeps responding to the Bachelor's letters by turning up - but only while they have a common goal in creating the panacea (this is why I especially liked an early side quest where Grief is menacing Notkin's bunch and asks Artemy to bring him the Bachelor... and the latter acquiesces for the sake of the children, not to gain something from it... just felt nice, wish we had more of that). Then Daniil has to be like 'maybe the tower is your udurgh!' to keep Artemy coming back to help him out in a mutual exchange bc by then Artemy started going to Aglaya and Oyun instead... Yeah still looking for other people to tell him what to do, but in a vaguely exploitative way. It's difficult to tell who was the first one between them to assume that each favor needed to be beneficial to them both or returned in another way but I suppose it fits the nature of the Town, always trading things back and forth. ...I did love that the Bachelor gets really mad if you don't tell him about your Abattoir adventures at one point pff.
'Whatever,' As for the address, Daniil is a doctor and a bachelor, so that's what Artemy keeps calling him, only alternating the language he's doing it in. Some manner of oynon, oynon Dankovsky, the Bachelor. There are npcs who address Artemy himself as 'oynon' so it applies to them both (although I could swear there was a dialogue where he was explaining that he doesn't count as one before taking on his father's inheritance fully and yet I couldn't find it so hm maybe mixed it up with smth else.. either way he def became one after inheriting yep). Also, there was this line of dialogue towards officer Longin (in Russian it's about the tu-vous difference but either way it reads as a refusal to submit to non-Kin social structure, same way he bristles against Olgimskys' attempts to bring him to heel).
So I feel like not switching to first-name basis is more about his colder personality? It's not that he distrusts Daniil, one of the first things he says about him is that he could immediately tell that the Bachelor is an extremely honest kind of person, but hmm... His friendship with Rubin seems much better off even despite their initial misunderstanding and he switches to calling the Inquisitor by her first name almost immediately, so my interpretation is just that he always operated under the assumption that Daniil's goals would diverge from his own sooner or later (again that predetermination streak), and that was already enough for him to stay on guard despite the supposed 'friendship'. A lot of his later game dialogue options after knowing where the Bachelor stands are straight up mean, not very friendly or submissive if you ask me.
He talks with the same derisive forwardness in the Bachelor's route when it comes to Aglaya, somehow he just doesn't seem to relate to him at all (even though I think he should have, what with Oyun jerking him around in similar enough ways). So if anything it is the Bachelor in Haruspex route who is doing his best to ingratiate himself at least a little, just like Capella said... @the-invisible-foe but mentioning the Bachelor in unrelated journal notes is interesting, I didn't even pay attention to that but yeah, that's something at least!
how to get into your man's head by sending him letters daily 101 ...eh honestly there are also so many moments when one of them starts getting upset about being perceived as dumb by the other too now that I think about it... it def feels like a case of fragile male ego for the haruspex for sure at least, just kinda a need to prove himself to this educated capital man while also establishing that his way is fundamentally 'better'... trying to impress each other and then getting mad about it, idk yeah there's something there maybe, and p2 also explored that sort of thing...
Okay finished the Haruspex route of Pathologic Classic! I need to play Clara's route to see the whole picture but I'm already fascinated by the differences between P1 and P2 in terms of characterization. I think I like Pathologic 2 even more now considering how they improved on Artemy's route, I am sorry to say I didn't like it at all in classic... This is all just my personal impression after first playthrough ofc. Ramblings about both Artemy and Daniil ↓ I think what bothered me about Haruspex was mostly just his attitude and his messiah plot. Once the first day is out of the way it's all smooth sailing for him, a bit too much so?? The only personal conflict he has is figuring out his father's exact wishes for him and choosing a sacrifice. Killing anyone is treated as fair or something that needed to happen and the Haruspex is always shrugging it off... And either option, Aglaya & the Town or Polyhedron... It just doesn't seem like he is that attached to either? So it doesn't feel like he is sacrificing much personally? Like sure he wants to save the Town because of his messianic qualities, but that's again more about fulfilling his 'role' rather than genuinely wanting to save lives, or at least it read that way to me. I'm sure it's meant to be both and P2 makes this far more apparent, but in P1 it elicited a rather squinty reaction from me. Plus well yeah, getting rid of Polyhedron is pretty much just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, like yep he sure didn't care about that thing lmao so getting rid of it isn't such a difficult choice at all. The suggestion that the Polyhedron could be his Udurgh is kind of useless because the Town and Earth are far better candidates and fit with Kin beliefs better, which in this game Artemy pretty much doesn't doubt at all. Maybe this is why the Bachelor is so present in his route? Daniil did say he'd commit suicide if he lost, maybe we'd want to think twice about pushing him towards it... But again! Does it seem like this guy cares ahhh haha... The dialogue option that is actually engaging with what Daniil said is pretty much there to make it clear to the player what the Utopian ending is and what it would be like.
Ngl at first I thought he was meant to be the 'sacrifice' until they said it's a woman. Every time Artemy learned something about the Bachelor's motivations he'd write down in his diary like '...if it matters' since the player can always choose what ending to go with I guess. I also find it curious that he can say that they are friends but still always writing only 'the Bachelor' in his diaries while Daniil switched to 'Artemy' and 'Burakh' during the final stretch. The one-sided yaoi................ 🤔 At least Artemy doesn't get mad at him for ordering to set the mythic bull on fire, I guess their friendship did mean something to him after all at that point. Also when Capella tells him that he should ask the Bachelor for help with getting into the Polyhedron since the Bachelor 'fawns upon you a lot anyway' the Haruspex just goes 'oh yeah! ok' fjdghdjg... Now that I think about it I DID like the Haruspex route for what it did with the Bachelor hahah, his dialogues and letters are just so good sometimes. Like wow, I felt this.
Very cool, if i was Artemy I'd totally abandon my weird murderous calling for this. Tangentially related... P2 had one moment that I remember from my last replay when Rubin, if kept alive, falls into a deep deserved sleep in his home, and Artemy just starts emotionally monologuing at him.
Like, P1 Artemy would never, but also it goes to show that he's still very much a repressed man here too, buying into toxic masculinity ideals who can't just talk to his friends about his feelings directly... The same character, but more complex. I want to make it clear that I DO like him and his motivations in P2 actually, and his personal conflict being more about the future of the Kin makes that game much more powerful to me than what his classic route was. I heard that initially he was planned to be far more violent and dark, so maybe he could have been sort of a villain protagonist and this was changed later and this is why it feels a bit bland? Hmm... Idk this is fun to me because meanwhile the Bachelor didn't feel that different to me in both games lmao. A highly stressed educated guy who is just trying to prevent the spread of epidemic the 'right' way and then clinging to the only chance he has left to preserve both his ideals and his life. He is a bit less polite in P2 at first (while still very much helping by warding off Rubin) but then rather quickly becomes more cordial to Artemy and vice versa (and wow it sure is nice when Artemy can actually be polite and friendly..). And the moment when he explains some of his personal deal to Artemy feels rather similar in both iterations mood-wise.
I liked his route in P1 a lot, surprisingly so, and I now understand why so many people liked him before P2 came out and afterwards too... There's just something very real about how he is the intelligent Capital doctor but with an extraordinary dream to combat death itself, possibly given to him by the Powers That Be due to these children trying to cope with people dying around them. And instead of favoring him for it they hate him! They leave him with nothing but this final chance to fix things, even if that means destroying everything and rebuilding anew. Daniil's desperation feels very real and thus more compelling, plus like... I mean it's pretty much confirmed that it's not just the Polyhedron and that the soil itself is 'rotten' (literally in the meta real world and through blood beneath the earth in the Town itself) and the decease could return again, sooo his ending doesn't look that bad comparatively. I also appreciated how Maria (or uhh was it Nina talking through her here as well?) explained how their Utopia doesn't actually mean a 'perfect' place, more so just an impossible dream.
The Bachelor doesn't mind this at all, a detail I loved.
...Hmm that said maybe P1 makes it a little too easy for him to kinda ignore the Kin issue, he is only mad about their circumstances when it comes to Vlad choosing to doom thousands of the Kin workers inside the Termitary (which is just his doctor ethics). I mean it is realistic for him to ignore the implications of representing the imperialist side, he does mention his father was a military man too at some point I think... Still, he is very quick to accept the Kin's unique beliefs as something that has obvious merit, trusting the Haruspex with that side of things in both of their routes, and he doesn't make much of a distinction between them and regular Town people when it comes to patient treatment. If anything it's probably a sign of how the writers weren't thinking that hard about this worldbuilding aspect at the time... even if I appreciated them showing the downsides of the Kin's society, I think those were done better than in P2 purely because it was a bit more realistic (I am talking about sexism mostly, such as selling their own daughters and not respecting their autonomy, plus the mention of Kin politics and different ruling clans rather than the hive mind situation implied in P2). Like, it is more obvious in P1 that wholeheartedly embracing the Kin's return to tradition isn't such a good solution for them either, but one that will likely happen anyway with Artemy and Taya as their new leaders. And it could get trickier in Pathologic 3 I think, especially since most of us really appreciated the portrayal of colonization in P2 and would expect it getting addressed again in future games of other character routes, but we'll see I guess! Either way I look forward to that game a lot now.
#pathologic#artemy burakh#daniil dankovsky#sorry for such a long addition these characters just make me think a lot of thoughts i guess#especially since p2 was my first game so it is fascinating to see the roots and how the narrative developed over the years#almost the same team and the same creative lead in charge but at least in p2 his power fantasy guy is like#written more as an actual fictional character#which i appreciate...#altho the projection is still there ofc#text#long post
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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i don’t know if i’m ever gonna write the fic but i’ve been thinking abt like. the eternal stockade. the implications. lup, a lich who was trapped in a dark featureless cell for a decade completely isolated with nothing to keep her sanity but her own mind. she has to put people in the eternal stockade. how many liches does she see herself in. how many liches started out just like her. how many liches are truly too far gone. and the only liches we ever see other than her and barry are edward and lydia. they’re certainly evil, but mad? they seem pretty sane. they’re not, like, tattered echoes of souls, they’re definitely still people. even as much of a grudge as lup surely has against them, wouldn’t they remind her incredibly strongly of herself? do they deserve to be trapped just like she was? for eternity? isn’t eternity what turned john to existential despair in the first place?
#mine#taz balance#taz lup#lup#like idk i think lup’s down to kick necromancer ass but when it comes to being like. WARDENS of a PRISON. would that not be uncomfortable??#but like taking the job is the only way to avoid HER being thrown in prison??#idk the raven queen being a cool & chill goddess boss is definitely fun but when you actually think abt it#i don’t think i’d agree with her. i think if i lived in that world i’d think she were sort of evil#which like also to get into the hunger vs authority its not very explored because its not at all the point#the hunger is meant to be nihilism and despair and dissatisfaction its at its core an emotional story about joy & love#but like john starts out rebelling against laws. laws of the universe; except that it turns out a being wrote those laws (jeffandrew)#so the hunger is also sort of a force of rebelling against unjust constraints in the pursuit of freedom?#and the heroes end up preserving the status quo and saying you just have to find joy within those unjust limitations#which again. like. the point is that life is unfair and you can find joy and meaning despite it. which is true to real life.#i’m not saying the hunger was right or that despair is the only way or w/e like#yk like taz balance is not a story about society its more about. philosophy i guess#the point is that life’s really hard and you find meaning anyway and that’s preferable to despair and death#thematically for the audience we understand these are standins for ways of viewing reality#and in the real world reality is what it is. its just the world. there’s no authority that writes the laws of nature#like its not a ‘man vs authority’ story its a ‘man vs nature’ story#but IN UNIVERSE nature IS an authority. jeffandrew and the gods. regardless of how much joy you can find in an unjust world#if i lived in it i’d want to make it more just! but anyway like yeah barry & lup working for the raven queen#is kinda an extension on that idea of preserving the status quo#although i guess you could say gods are just forces of nature. theyre not PEOPLE theyre just personifications of existent natural laws#and it ties in w istus and fate as well#although fate is like a comforting guiding force rather than restricting & horrifying#^ pay no attention to any of this i don’t think it really means anything i’m just like. writing thoughts as i have them#not like a hard stance i’m taking just exploring some ideas#any ways#THERES A TAG LIMIT??
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Fine, I’ll admit that I like Lysandre 😔
#queue the ‘we all know Bo’#I mean it was definitely obvious from the beginning#and I’ve somewhat said I do in a few posts#and considering the amount of times I’ve drawn him should’ve definitely given it away /lh#the funniest part about me liking him is that I actually straight up don’t#I just I think I hate him so vehemently and deeply that I’ve 180 back to liking him#LIKE WHY ARE U PREOCCUPYING MY BRAIN#LIKE GET OUT OR LIKE PAY ME U FUCKING ASSHOLE#literally I can’t stress enough how unlikable he is#and then I see him and I get locked in#I cringe literally everytime I talk to him#maybe it was cause his ass has been haunting me for the past few months#I GOT SOCIALLY CONDITIONED /hj#like he makes my blood boil sm#when I pointed out that he holds himself like he’s insecure on Pasio to my friend and they went#‘someone who doesn’t like a character wouldn’t have noticed that’#or when they pulled the ‘true hate is indifference’ on me 😭#I mean I have always said I have to hate a character before I start liking them#so yeah I’m still gonna be really fucking mean to Orange Peel but unfortunately it means I actually like him#the most insufferable man in all Kalos and I’m still like ‘guess I better draw him again/think about him 24/7’#WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME#I HOPE U KNOW IM STILL KILLING HIM FOR ALL THE BS HE PULLS THO#rainbowpufflez rambles
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#my therapist moved offices again so I’m doing the typical patient intake paperwork#of course one of the standard questions is what are your goals or what do you want to get out of therapy#mine has always been being more honest about my feelings/not sugarcoating or sweeping them under the rug#then of course we get to the real questions about how you feel or how often thoughts of sadness hit you#immediately lies lmao#like girl this is your chance#just tell her shits fucked#I’ve been seeing this person for 3 years now#I’m sure it’s well passed due#ANYWAYS#I asked for appointments more often#but since she moved offices they don’t take my insurance yet so I’m about to start paying out of pocket#which means instead of seeing her more I will be seeing her significantly less#wish me luck#definitely will not be opening up abt that yet#personal
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A testament to how fucking Awful my post-hiking soreness has been. I got out of bed & had a moment of like "Wow! That wasn't verging on agonizing to do! My muscles Must be getting better!"
Then as I walked to the bathroom, I had a moment of "... 🤨 you're still limping, though."
#speculation nation#yes the muscle soreness has been bad enough ive been limping the past two days hfkdhfjd#that and the blisters. 1 main one and 2 lil ones. all three hurt like a Bitch after my shower yesterday so i had them in bandaids#same foot. poor thing was just bandaid smattered.#but yea my legs have been Kind Of Agonizing. they were Aaaaching last night even just lying down#but ive been eating a lot of protein & theyre definitely getting better#they still hurt. but it's not like. total fuckin agony to move.#tho my left leg kept trying to give out today at work hfkshf same as yesterday#(it's my left foot that's fucked up. not directly related to the leg trying to give out but it sure isnt helping)#that kind of thing of me putting weight on my left leg in a way that makes it start to Buckle.#and then i catch myself with my right leg. why my left leg is worse than my right i couldnt tell U.#and i have worked 10 hours on these bitch ass legs already. Cringe lmao.#i have tomorrow(today) off thankfully so im hoping my legs r more recovered by my next shift.#it's kind of miserable lol#i do NOT regret it in the slightest!!!!!!! hiking was SO much fun and i would do it again in a heartbeat. frolicking and all.#just. sometimes. u have a little too much fun for 3 hours and ur body pays for it for days. rip.#at least my legs r getting even stronger bc of it lollll
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I’m actually so pissed off at that like. it started when I was a kid because I would get anxious and have nausea as a physical symptom so I’d mention feeling sick whenever something potentially anxiety-inducing came up but never actually threw up and that got labelled me a hypochondriac. at age four. and at age seven I’d do shit for attention. I suspected I had asthma and was overdramatic about it and I was RIGHT to think so but I got labelled a liar. and a hypochondriac. I’d be in pain? I’d feel sick on a near-constant basis because I was developing severe mental illness and also there was someone, possibly through actual government instructions, though partially because she was a total cunt of a human being, literally persecuting me (and others) on a near-daily basis. so I’d often feel ill. that was of course considered ‘hypochondria’ even though literally what was that meant to be? fuck’s sake. and then when I like. started going ‘hey I think there’s something wrong with my body’ I’d get told to stop overreacting. and then! I started actually getting problems noticed and like. I’d get told to push through it. how do I push through a spine injury that left me bedridden for days? if I’m not given the time of day to figure out what’s wrong with me of course I’m gonna try searching online for solutions and inevitably be wrong the first couple of times! oh, what’s that? you definitely have ptsd and adhd? oh that’s what those symptoms are! wait, what, you’re saying that I can’t possibly have those problems...? despite having the exact same symptoms as you? considering that these are the same people that insist every winter that I have reynauld’s never checking that I wasn’t experiencing literal frostbite because my grandpa had it I ought not to be surprised... it’s the default reaction. way to ignore everything. just call the problem a liar and have done with it knowing you’ve done ‘all you can’
#it's not reynauld's because it looked felt and reacted exactly like frostbite and let me tell you NEVER jump directly into#a hot bath or anything the frostbitten area will feel like it's dunked into boiling water and it hurts so badly#I wasn't even LOOKING for frostbite symptoms I was trying to prove a point that if I were paying rent this temperature would be illegal#and I went 'what temperature must it be for extremities to go numb and red/purple' and I accidentally discovered it was frostbite.#they still wanted to take my only heat source away because it gets a bit chilly in one corner of the room#because they didn't put the heat pump in the right place#how do I explain to them that no matter how much I strengthen the muscles in my back they're still gonna hurt and get overworked#trying to straighten my spine?#because. uh. if playing hockey didn't help much#if I try and do exercises to help buff them up so to speak that's just gonna push them towards 'overworked' faster#from EXPERIENCE!#I just have to bitch about this. this definitely didn't have an actual effect on me developing actual hypochondriac tendencies!!#that was sarcasm I think it definitely did#I used to think that I'd damaged my nerves somehow that time I ran away because my fingers were difficult to control and numb#but never thought it could be. y'know. frostbite. especially when stripped out of my covers in near freezing temperatures#still paranoid she'll start doing that again if she decides that we Must Follow Her Routine She Never Communicates#the frostbite thing is. forefront of my mind because it's been cold lately#I'm mad. I'm really mad. I feel like my body's failing me and I can't even SAY that because of how I get treated.
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Oh, and another thing I learned the other day: apparently the point of raising the interest rates so much was to "discourage consumer buying" which is insane bc like, "we don't want people to buy things so we're going to raise the cost of living, and then complain when people aren't buying houses and can't afford rent or utilities" is horrible logic. But also I think Millennials and Gen Z have lived through too many harsh economic times for this to work. "I'll never be able to buy a house so I'll just keep buying my little treats" is a common mindset and, frankly, a justified one. Like yeah, the cost of takeout may have gone up a few bucks, but the cost of a house has gone up thousands of dollars. I'm no closer to buying a house than I was in 2020, and if my rent goes up another $250 next spring all the skipped lattes in the world won't help, so I'm still gonna get my little treat.
#there's gotta be a better way they could've worked this#they've been saying inflation has dropped a bit so HOPEFULLY rents will go back down by next February??#but still like WTF. the economy hasn't been good enough for this shit since like.....pre 2008??#you're not stemming consumer demand or encouraging people to save you're causing people with even decently paying jobs#to be unable to afford the cost of living entirely#and listen. if at the start of 2022 the government had said 'look we want you all so try and save money and not spend as much'#i would've been like 'ok challenge accepted'#i was actually saving a LOT before my rent got jacked up. like im still saving but definitely not as much!!#just do a fkn ad campaign or something encouraging people to like. help the economy by spending less? or buying local or w/e#don't raise the interest rate like 10x in a year and then cry because 'no one is buying houses!!'#ANYWAY im Late Nite Posting again i apologize. i have a bone to pick with the bank of canada#oh did i mention the B of C also got massive bonuses last year too???? fuck them! seriously!!
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Same anon as before, I’m happy that you’re accepting yourself! That’s great news. I had a very similar situation where I was very embarrassed about what character my brain chose to project onto, but after working with my therapist and years of reflection I’ve realized it had to be that character because they were the only one I could see myself in, we were both abused in certain ways that made it like looking in a mirror, and being Him meant that I was able to protect myself because he could (character is someone “dangerous” in their world). So I really think it comes down to a reflection of trauma, and there’s nothing to be ashamed about. We coped with what our brains found the most comfort in.
If I can ask, what does your therapist think about it? Only wondering because with my therapist, they are aware we have fictives of this character as well as the system as a whole projects through him but I’m still trying to figure out if it’s part fictives and other part alters with psychotic attachments or if there’s something else at play as well like past lives (the old fictionkin community used to be big into that but I know it’s not so much anymore so I’m a little embarrassed but I am still a spiritual person) alr that’s all, looking forward to your response!
First of all, I'm glad to hear back from you anon!!
My therapist and I figured roughly the same thing happened with me! When I say I use this character as a therapy tool, I don't think it's appreciated enough that it's bc my therapist familiarized himself with the source - my therapist watched (and enjoyed) 148 episodes of anime for my sessions and I cannot stress that enough lmao; we're pretty sure that what happened was that I saw a lot of my emotional trauma play out again in front of me in his character arc, mostly in the way he perceives himself but also with how he struggles with his emotions and general interactions with the world (with my own difficulty with such coming from the climate of the family that abused me). He did serve as a mirror, not just of my own trauma, but also of what I wish I could have done, which was to lash out and genuinely own my anger and frustration and do something. Of course there's a lot more to it, but with just covering the surface, looks like we've had pretty similar experiences!
As for my therapist's thoughts on this, we actually haven't put any clinical labels on it. I personally like labels, they make me feel sure and certain about things in my life, which is why I tried to nail this down with the OSDD/DDNOS (complete with question mark) in my bio, but truth be told I'm not entirely sure I meet the full criteria for either of them, in spite of the genuine experiences I've had with what definitely feels like multiplicity of some sort. Interestingly enough, while I myself am not very spiritual, my therapist did make a mention that this is an experience that I could try looking at through a spiritual lens, especially since it's been coming up a lot more as I'm trying to rework some deeply held thought patterns. There's been a pretty positive outlook on it overall and he encouraged me to interact with it - the episodes tend to come with some specific thoughts and feelings, so we're treating them (and by extension, this character) as a sort of conduit for them, sort of like a messenger bringing attention to them. This is all some pretty specific info for my stuff though lmao, I just wanted to cover the ground as thoroughly as I could 💖
#part of me genuinely does wanna reach out to the fictionkin community just for the value of having potential community experience#but also. maybe I'll just watch them for a bit and think about it lmao#my experiences with my dissociation is like. it feels like there's someone else with me you know? im alone but i can feel someone else#and I'm holding their feelings and thoughts in those moments#if i believed in ghosts hardcore this would 100% make me think im possessed but fortunately i recognize where#all this is coming from as far as functionality and the name attached; funnnily enough i remember a video my roommate#put on and it was talking about psychosis scenes in movies + gauging them for accuracy#and the guy starts talking about DID and I'm like okay i definitely dont meet the criteria for that but I'm half paying attention#and he mentions that one of the things that people have reported is feeling like they're possessed and i just sat there FLOORED by this#bc that was exactly how I'd described the feelings in therapy; 1:1 word for word 😳 again i know for sure i dont have DID#but the same guidelines that make up the definitions and criteria are kinda also running along my dissociative episodes as well#ive already said so much in the tags but i did have a session where i just sat there and was like. i want to love every part of myself#and that includes the episodes; i know they're a protective measure and i dont wanna feel like I'm fighting them anymore#that was months ago; this is by far the most vocal ive been about it#it took almost a year for me to settle into it and be able to talk about it even in therapy but I'm so glad i can do it now#and I'm so glad to be hearing from people who understand how this feels 💖💖💖 thank you so much again!!!#im realizing that i actually have a lot of thoughts on this now that im actually understanding it a lot better#the asks are just giving me some chances to infodump a little hehe 💕#you're welcome in my inbox any time!! thanks again!! 💖💖💖#asks
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Also just thinking about how he doesn’t have friends and it’s literally because he doesn’t have a life outside of work. We know a decent amount of what life is like for Date and Mizuki outside of work I mean. Their whole ass relationship is proof of that. And we get to see their home and flashbacks of them and learn their interests and hobbies (adorabbit, iris and hitomi, clione farm in the fridge, knitting magazines, audio equipment, etc) but really, what do we know about Ryuki outside of his work, his need to live out his brothers dream? Tama and Date are only in his life because of abis. He only goes to brahman for drinks cuz Date started taking him there after work. The characters he meets are all met on the job. His 6 years of alcoholism are because he failed at his job. His love for Date at its core is admiration of his sense of justice, something he can adopt for himself to keep his brother alive.
Ryuki doesn’t want to have a life outside of work, because then it’d be like accepting that his brother really is gone. That his brother really won’t ever get to achieve his dreams. And Ryuki has no care or interest in himself at all so why would he bother trying to be anything other than an empty vessel existing to fulfill someone else’s purpose? Why bother having his own dreams when he could just help his brother succeed?
It’s fine! He’s fine!
Fucked up how Ryuki didn’t even wanna be a detective. That was his brothers dream. He just adopted it for himself as a way of carrying out what his brother always wanted. And it corrupted him, because he was sick with malice for injustice, for an unnamed man who killed his brother. This was never what Ryuki wanted, his motives were always warped because he’s at war with himself, with the person he’s been for 17 years and then the version of his brother he’s built for himself to become. He isnt real anymore. There’s no Kuruto, just Ryuki
#aitsf#literally cannot let himself stop like every chance he has to stop he refuses#kuruto is the one with the sickness so he cant take the time to care for him because he hates kuruto#kuruto is the failure who isnt cut out for detective work so he has to beat him down until he complies#ever think about how ryuki is obsessed with making criminals pay for their crimes#but you know. when he started out kuruto was the kinda guy who just couldnt stand to hurt anyone even slightly#he bought the criminal lunch and drove him home talking about his day#then he gets scolded for not being hardened enough and he just accepts the scolding cuz he really is pathetic huh#then date comforts him and ryuki takes those words and lives by them#he has to be tougher he has to be stronger he has to make them bleed#he shoots the guy in the costume just cuz he was carrying balloons and is so blinded by his obsession he cant let anyone off free#we certainly dont know what his brother was truly like but. definitely wasnt like this#which i think shows both how kuruto ryuki really just isnt meant for this life he shouldnt be doing this#and also like. damn fuck cops man#anyway i got the ryuki brainrot again per usual lol#and also not to bring up ryuki/akane similarities again but its making me think about how akane doesnt get to live a normal life ever again#always pursuing something new. never getting to rest
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i keep having weird horror game nightmares
#one time i had a nightmare where i downloaded an app that put you in a randomized game during the nighttime. and you you couldn't delete it#without doing a ton of steps#and all of the games had different rules that you had to pay attention to or youd die. especially for ones with creatures in them#the last one i remembered had this thing that couldn't kill you as long as you were hidden and it didn't know and i was so terrified. i was#trying to delete the app forever but it tried to trick you into allowing the games to go on even if you deleted it. and once you did you#couldn't redownload it to get yourself out properly. i ended up being able to do it but i couldn't sleep the rest of the night because it#felt so real and i wasnt sure i had actually gotten out#and then yesterday night i had a dream i was selected by this weirdly religious like. 8 armed ball robot along with a group of other people#and it brought us to this house and it was fine for a bit but then things started happening and there ware rules. and there was another kid#there with me in this room and we had to hide under a blanket or else something would get you. and then it evolved so you also had to copy#the sound pattern it was making. but for that one there was also a different girl there was was definitely part of the house that i didn't#trust. and then there was this other thing where if you weren't tucked in this tall lady would eat you. and i was barely tucked in because#she came out of nowhere and i thought i was going to die but by some weird glitch it registered as tucked. but she leaned over me and tucke#me in properly and i was so sure she was going to kill me and she'd be all up close doing it. and i had this feeling constantly that the#robot was still around out there watching and it terrified me more than anything else#the last thing i remember from that wad waiting for the tall lady to make her rounds again but i woke up. and like again i wasnt all that#sure it didn't happen and then my mom checked up on me and it freaked me out dhfhdjsjkd#anyway i dont like dreaming#personal posts and stuff idk
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