#if i’m being real both those people seem equally annoying in opposite ways

[lockandkeyhyena]

well this is certainly one of the more interesting comment threads on one of my videos tbh

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

🍓🕯️🛼 🎲 🍄 📚 🔪 🏜️ 🦴🌸 🧩

(or just as many as you feel like doing 😁)

how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

I never really put much thought into it; it just sorta happened 😅

I’ve always been an avid daydreamer, and it seemed like the moment I learned how to spell and read, I started writing. It was a way to make the mental images in my mind a reality of sorts, and make them physical and real—things I could actually look at and see.

So it was the same way with fanfiction, more or less! I wanted to make the things I saw in my mind a thing I could see on a page, so I started writing :) And that’s still how it works to this day!

on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

Hmm… I feel like I used to like editing a lot more than I do now. I’d probably give it… a 4? A 5, maybe?

Spell checking and grammar checking are easy for me, and it’s kinda fun to go through and fix little things like that :) It’s the more thought-provoking things such as reworking sentence structure, cleaning up paragraphs, and making sure the text flows together that’s much harder to figure out. I guess I don’t feel like I’m all that great of a judge when it comes to my own work; I either see a story as bad and something that can’t be fixed, or as something ground-breaking with no corrections needed. And I feel like both of those are Not Good, and don’t help me edit at all.

I’d definitely enjoy editing a lot more if I felt like I had a good grasp on what I could actually do to improve a story 😅

describe your latest wip with five emojis

:0

👥🗣️🧠💙🐑

what stops you from writing more in your free time? 

I don’t feel like writing 😅

I’m very much a feeler, and if I don’t feel like doing something, I’m probably not gonna do it—at least not willingly. And the same goes for writing! I absolutely love doing it, but I gotta wait until I’m in the right headspace for it, y’know? And I’m just not always in that wonderful headspace.

share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Ooooh!!

Honestly, the only ship I really have are Loki x Sylvie! I’ve fallen hard and fast for those two :)

A headcanon, hmm… oh! Sylvie would absolutely love horror movies, and always wanna go see the new ones in theaters. Loki, on the other hand, is very much afraid and disturbed by horror (though he’ll never ever admit it, even when it becomes painfully obvious to Everyone).

She makes fun of him relentlessly, while he stubbornly denies being scared at all. She finds it equally annoying and endearing XD

what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? 

Lemme go check…

It’s a bit of a story I recently started!

“Technoblade, look! It’s Friend!”


“I’ve looked at Friend like, seventeen different times, Ghostbur. You keep telling me to look at him.”

There’s a pause.

“Technoblade, Technoblade! Aww, look at Friend! He’s very happy right now. If he could speak English, that’s what he would say.”

Techno shakes his head, trying very hard to focus on the potion he’s brewing.

Aka, Techno’s patience is tested severely and continuously when Ghostbur decides to visit XD

Their relationship is very sweet, because Ghostbur loves Techno and always wants to help him out, and Techno clearly cares about Ghostbur and wants to protect him, but at the same time… Ghostbur is definitely one to test patience XD And exploring that dynamic is super fun!

what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Hmm… I’ve definitely been sort of… morbidly interested in drowning. I’ve researched a ton on that.

Random, but morbid is a very fun word to say XD

what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Definitely the ones talking about the characters being in-character :D It’s pretty much my biggest fear that I’ll mischaracterize people, so hearing people say that the opposite is true is just… really great :D :D

And also the comments talking about how the story affected them!! Like, there’s been several people who have CRIED because of my fics?? Which is just insane to me. Every time I get a comment saying that I do this but with more hearts:

The fact that my writing can touch people so deeply is incredible :’D

is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? 

Dream SMP 😅 I’ve been pretty much exclusively writing fanfic for this fandom since June of last year—and the story ideas just keep coming lol

But I did get a little inspired by the Loki series just recently :)

do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them

YES THIS IS SUCH A YOU QUESTION

Here’s my dog, Ginger:

That last picture is one of my favorites of her :’)

Ginger is absolutely the sweetest dog I’ve ever known; she’s a very sleepy girl who gets so very excited whenever we return home after being out for errands and such. She’ll do anything for food (especially broccoli and butter) and has yet to catch a squirrel (though she’s never stopped trying).

She’s definitely an introverted dog, and gets overwhelmed pretty easily in loud/crowded environments. She also wasn’t socialized much as a puppy, so she struggles to interact with other dogs 😭

She’s deathly afraid of hula-hoops and freaking hates baths/swimming lol

She’s the best dog ever <3 She just turned eight, and I can’t imagine what life will be like without her. She’s very special :’)

Then there is Miles (who’s currently in the bed with me as I type)

All these pictures are from completely different days XD He sleeps a lot.

I’ve got a bit of a love-hate relationship with this boy. He’s an extremely mean cat—in fact, just a couple days ago he attacked Ginger for no reason and scratched her nose! He has it out for her (for some unknown reason. She’d never hurt a fly so I don’t know what he’s on about).

He’s also very fussy, and if he’s not fed at a specific time every day, he’ll get mad and start crying/biting/scratching XD He’s super high maintenance.

He’s… very. very lazy. He is not a skinny boy.

I don’t like him too much most of the time, but sometimes—like in the pictures shown above—he gets softer, and will come up to my bed and curl up and purr and make biscuits with his paws. He’s very very cute when he does that.

what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

NSFW/sexual content, for sure. I’ve never read a smut fic and never will 😅 I’ve got no interest in that sort of thing.

As far as smaller things go, it’d be…

1) poor formatting, with big blocks of text instead of line breaks

2) mischaracteriztion. This is a big thing for me when it comes to fanfic; if you’re gonna make the characters so blatantly unrecognizable, just come up with your own characters!!

3) badddd dialogue. This is a big pet peeve of mine XD I am a lover of realistic/natural dialogue mmhmm mmhmm

[wahbegan]

I mean let’s take the Joker, for example. Now, this isn’t Heath Ledger’s fault. I’m not even sure I’d say it was Christopher Nolan’s fault, i’m sure he didn’t anticipate the cultural effect The Dark Knight would have, but anyway. Heath Ledger, rest his soul, was an amazing actor, and his portrayal of the Joker was iconic for a reason, he was a very compelling character to watch, he was brilliant. It was amazing.

But it wasn’t....really Joker. It was the perfect Joker for Christopher Nolan’s Batman, but Christopher Nolan’s Batman wasn’t really Batman. That wasn’t the world Batman inhabits.

And that movie...kinda ruined The Joker. It made him an anti-authoritarian, anti-establishment nihilist terrorist who was only really interested in proving out his fucked up philosophy, and since then Joker has turned into a very annoying symbol for a VERY annoying contingent of people, mainly young men a la Tyler Durden.

The thing is...i remember Nolan saying at one point he wanted Joker to be unpredictable, for you to never be sure what he was about to do. He wanted him to be like the shark from Jaws. But those goals are at odds. The thing is...the shark from Jaws was predictable, in a way. Sure, you never knew where it was gonna strike or who it was gonna eat, but it was a man-eating shark. You could count on it to eat people.

Now, comics have been y’know getting more grimdark and edgy over the years anyway, so i can’t put all the blame for this on Nolan, but Joker is like a shark now. Sure, you never know EXACTLY what he’s going to do, but you can be sure he’s gonna do something horrible to make some fucked-up point. Again, you can blame things like The Killing Joke and A Death in the Family and The Dark Knight Returns for some of it, but Nolan’s Joker was really the final nail in the coffin.

The Joker that had been built up in the comics over the years and through things like Batman: the Animated Series was genuinely unpredictable. In Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth, one of the psychiatrists at Arkham says he remakes his personality every day from the ground up and at any given point he’s equally likely to be a sadistic psychopath or a harmless goofball doing a bit. That is the essence of what makes The Joker a good and compelling character to me. That is why, even today, i say i love The Joker.

Because it’s genuinely both very funny and very fucking tense to watch him fuck about, because you never know if he’s just being silly or if he’s going to do something incredibly horrible. Classic Joker is like The Laughing Fish. This is a story where Joker poisons all the fish in Gotham to give them little Joker faces, not because he’s tryna poison people with their meat or anything, but because he’s trying to copyright fish.

He poisoned the Gotham Bay to copyright fish. And it’s only after a bureaucrat tells him he can’t do that that he starts killing people until HIS DEMANDS ARE MET.

In his first appearance in B:TaS, Christmas With the Joker, he breaks out of Arkham, takes multiple people hostage, tries to derail a train full of people, and has a giant cannon take pot shots at Gotham City.

What is his endgame for all of this? He wants to give Batman a gag “Christmas present” that’s just a box with a spring-loaded custard pie in the face. That’s it. No poison, no bombs, no torturing Robin, he goes through all of this insane shit just because he wants to get Batman with a custard pie gag. 

The Joker is this very surreal character who is the polar opposite of Batman because he doesn’t seem to take anything seriously, and now all Joker does is take shit seriously. He doesn’t even tell jokes any more!!

And it’s because the world of Batman is not the real world. It’s a surreal dreamscape that goes from sci-fi to standard superhero shit to Se7en-style murder mysteries to straight-up horror without batting an eye. And Joker is the perfect arch-enemy for Batman in this world, someone who embraces how weird and fucked up everything is even as everyone around him acts like it’s just normal life. Even as Batman tries to impose a sense of order and normalcy on Gotham which it absolutely cannot achieve, Joker is just reveling in the chaos, doing screwball shit that ranges from the grotesque to the mostly Three Stooges and Looney Tunes inspired. He walked this tightrope of being scary and funny and you never knew which he was going to be from moment to moment, he could flip on a dime. 

He is the I’M GOING TO TURN LITTLE OLD LADIES INTO DOG FOOD AND SELL THAT DOG FOOD TO FUND MY CLOWN-THEMED ROCKET THAT’S GOING TO BLOW UP THE MOON AND YOU CAN’T FUCKING STOP ME comedian to Batman’s THIS IS ALL VERY SERIOUS LIFE OR DEATH I SEE NOTHING RIDICULOUS ABOUT THIS SITUATION straight man. They synergize perfectly. 

And now that’s just kinda....gone. AND I BLAME CHRISTOPHER FUCKIN’ NOLAN

[bisluthq]

Seeing photos of Harry on the X factor and just before he went on make me so uncomfortable to know caroline went on to have a relationship with him a year later 🤢 He was so young looking and a Nice Boy like what 32/33 year old woman would want to concern themselves with a 16/17 year old like that? It’s so gross. And it makes me more uncomfortable that some Swifties use that relationship to defend the weirdness around haylor as if that’s any justification because he “likes older women”

See I get very very uncomfortable with how he’s discussed in the same way that I get annoyed and uncomfortable with how young Taylor is discussed because it’s polar opposite responses and both are purely based in patriarchy and not in facts or evidence. Like that one anon who was like “oh please Harry had tons of girlfriends” yeah dudes like other little girls:

Felicity described him as “very shy” and like he wrote her those bad poems and he saved up from his bakery job to be able to see her.

He had like one earlier kinda girlfriend but they were LITERAL children:

And she’s like met up with him since (bottom right) and they obvi think it’s quite funny that they “dated” like aged 12/13 or whatever. Obviously like pecks and holding hands was like 🤯🤯 levels of awesome. Both were fucking cool like they had a boyfriend/girlfriend they like talked to and shit lmao and got to touch 😫😫

Caroline was 31/32 to his 16/17. They were obviously fucking. I’m not sure he’d had many experiences like that before because his HS girlfriend seemed like a very “nice” girl and he was not even a year older than he was when writing the poetry about Felicity. Like maybe they’d had sex but equally realistically they “just” messed around.

Caroline was legit a perv. Not a pedo or whatever but she was a proper full on pervert.

Taylor’s thing isn’t as bad but it was also weird, less so even because they had sex and more based on how both she and media talked about it. She was not being normal at the time. It wasn’t healthy. It was extremely weird and SHE was the adult.

It’s BIZARRE that people make an actual child out to be some kind of bad bitch stud. Neither Taylor nor Harry were bad bitch studs at 16 and at least Andrea protected Tay from older guys but because Harry is a boy no one thought to say anything beyond “high five for bagging a real woman.”

[psalloacappella]

SSM21 Day 2. Festival

Pairing:  SasuSaku  Prompt: Festival  Title:  sparks will fly, they ignite our bones Tags:  AU - Modern Setting; First Dates; Wooing Lips burning against his, mouthing soft words in the detonation din.

(In which Sakura has the better aim.)

Ao3 | twt | full series link | @ssskmonth

“It’sa real date this time.” Each word’s punctuated by Naruto’s fist punching his opposite palm, driving home the importance of this. This being:  Street stall smells rich and piquant, a smoky-savory blend; lights flickering in kaleidoscopic, neurotic brilliance; children wild as free foals escaping their parents, weaving in and out of adults’ legs clutching cheap prizes and sparklers —

and him, Sasuke, on an actual fucking date with a woman with cotton-candy-colored locks who has been besting him every game and measure of skill imaginable, and his dumb plus-one buffer, the best friend, now droning on about how he needs to win her something.

“Anything!” Naruto throws his arms up, dramatic and exasperated, the only gearsetting he seems to have. “Teddy bear, ugly fish, keychain — literally any shitty prize to show her yer not a complete waste of time.”

“Sasuke!” Both men snap to, pretending to have been watching the whole time as Sakura jumps up and down, pumping a fist in the air. “I won again!”

With shiny, wide eyes, she places both her palms out in giddy anticipation to receive a stuffed bear donning a baseball cap of the local (terrible) team from a surly booth operator with a permanent frown.

“She’s comin’ this way!”

“I can see that,” Sasuke hisses. “You useless idiot.”

“Did I hear ‘charming wingman?’ ‘Kay, I’m gonna find some food. Give you two some time—”

“Don’t say it—”

“Alone.” Some strange tone aiming for sensual manifests as choking pigeon, and Naruto skips away as Sakura bounds up to Sasuke, smiling so wide he can see every perfect tooth.

“Did you see?” So proud of herself, arms laden with prizes. Some she’s already given away to cute children passing by, perhaps the sole supplier of noisemakers and soft bears. For a doctor in pediatrics, the urge to make smiles comes second nature. “Where’s he going?”

“Food, or something,” Sasuke murmurs, trying not to look as constipated and irritated as he had ten minutes prior — another gem from Naruto’s unasked-for criticism. “He’s left us alone.”

“Finally.” Definitely slipped out by accident, and Sakura grumbles over her mistake, red prickling her cheeks and chest. “Not that I dislike him, of course—”

“I do,” Sasuke says, absolutely deadpan. It takes her a moment.

“Uchiha Sasuke, did you just make your first joke?”

Ears burning in the cool night air, it’s his turn to smother his embarrassment. In lieu of further slip ups, he awkwardly gathers the items in her arms, a mishmash of unidentified thingamajigs and whatnots that you only find in curio shops or carnivals, and gallantly takes on their burden.

“Walk with me?”

So sure his voicebox just sustained a hairline crack; he hates himself for being nervous.

Eyes, hers, brighter than all the psychedelic frenzy swirling around them both, caught up in the haze; she has the uncanny ability to fade the rest to black, toss the entirety of the world’s existence aside.

Seeking to link her arm with his amid the mess of wares won, she succeeds and presses closer.

“I thought I’d die waiting,” she whispers into his sleeve. “I’ve been wanting you to notice me properly all night.”

Meandering, conjoined, down the main road; carved out for the celebration, buffeted by snack scents and other couples, groups of friends, and plenty of pairs pretending they’re still just and only that. Along the way she unloads her many winnings, surreptitious, in part kindly trying to relieve his burden but also calculating the space in her single occupancy apartment.

She watches people and lights, and he watches her.

Sakura’s gaze snags on a particular booth, more specifically a particular prize. Of the stuffed variety.

“Did . . .  something catch your eye?” he asks. Immediately thinks he sounds like an idiot. You know how to woo ‘em, and why does his inner voice sound like Naruto’s on this date, goddamn it —

Burying her cheek into his shoulder, she giggles and it threads beautiful, stringed tension in his throat and spine, symphonic, testing its own flex to see if she can orchestrate the rest of him. He wishes he could spin her around, lift her high in some filmesque climax, kiss her in the closing credits.

“Don’t laugh,” she says, “but I love slugs. Adore them, really. Gross, I know!” She raises her free hand and points directly at a giant stuffed slug on a high shelf behind the booth’s counter. “And honestly, I’d likely keep it in my office; the kids would love it.”

Sasuke knows, from what she’s disclosed, that these are sick kids, too. This ancient, gendered mating ritual is unavoidable and he’ll have to rise to the challenge. He must provide. Stupid, because she outstrips his earnings and likely will the rest of their life.

Says it like a throwaway, like no big deal:  “I’ll have to win it for you, then.”

The game? Aim. Darts. Doable if he’s sober and with equally (un)talented friends; ranging from Shino the sharpshooter to drunk and stumbling Suigetsu, he’s decidedly somewhere in the middle, but it should be enough raw talent to beat a festival game.

Sakura’s eyes are on him, excited. She dances a little from foot to foot, ready to cheer him on.

Dropping the rest of the prizes on the ground and shoving a fistful of coins at the booth operator, he smirks. Born ready, all those forced childhood sports camps and instrument lessons finessing his hand-eye coordination finally stepping up to the plate.

Imagine failing miserably three rounds in a row, the last one bouncing off the dartboard so violently it narrowly misses the sleepy booth operator. Sasuke grinds his teeth, jaw tight, wishing it’d met its mark.

To Sakura’s credit, she’s completely unperturbed. Almost makes it worse.

She pecks him on the cheek, scoring him through hot and fevered where her lips touch.

“Performance anxiety,” she quips, but her smile isn’t unkind. “Let me give it a try.”

Each dart that lands in the board does so with gusto, embeds itself deep into the sisal cork. As each one hits, Sasuke reflects they might as well be piercing him. The most painful blow is watching her indicate the bluebacked slug, winning it outright without his help, and squeezing it half to death in her arms.

They’re walking again, sans the rest of her prizes — left them for the booth operator, and whatever kids wander his way wanting toys with which to annoy their parents.

“You’ve been so quiet,” she says, shifting her slug under one arm and linking up with him again.  Sasuke shrugs against her. “I’m not sure what’s next with us.”

 He stops, figures it’s better to rip that bandaid off now, give her an out so he can save some face. Of course they’ve stopped on some coquettishly romantic bridge, arched over the still summer pond, a popular viewing spot for the night’s end fireworks.

She watches him expectantly, searching him with her sharp green eyes.

“What do you mean?” Her question is slow, puzzled.

What he means to say is something gentile. Instead he says, “You’re great at darts.”

She seems to sway, a physical manifestation of being caught off guard. Laughs. “Surprised me too! But you gave my arms a rest, so they were ready to win.” Curls her arm to indicate muscle, grinning.

Steps closer, melting through an unseen veil of personal space. Cherry scent; smoke.

“Could be all the shots you administer.”

“I guess we can call jabbing kids with needles a calling.” Mirroring him, she steps in too, and there’s not so much space between them anymore. “Good practice. You could come around sometime, see my work.”

Another tiny shuffle.

It’s time to break this. Sasuke inhales deeply, letting it out in measured beats. “Sakura—”

“If you’re mad you couldn’t win this for me,” she interrupts, “you’re being silly. I don’t care about that, you know.”

He tilts his head, and in spite of himself his hand wanders, brushing a stray strand of pink out of her face. “Hm?”

“I don’t,” she repeats, and sets her slug down on the wooden bridge. Breathes deeply before saying in a low, threaded voice, “What I care about is all the waiting.”

Sasuke feels it all fall into place. Oh. Oh.

“So come on, Sasuke.”

And before she’s even finished saying his name he’s kissing her, the last vibrations of his name caught on their lips, locked, and though the timing is perfect and picturesque, film archetype material as the fireworks charge the air around them, each one set off drawing ripple designs in the water beneath them, this thrill is unmatched, the way she wraps her arm around his neck to taste him deeper, the way he lifts her up to rest him on his hips and there’s nothing, has never been anything, quite like this.

Real fireworks pale in comparison.

Lips burning against his, mouthing soft words in the detonation din.

“The perfect end,” she whispers, “to a festival.”

[plutoswrath]

i’m jealous of your big heart when it comes to animals lmao. i’m arachnophobic and it can be so annoying to have sometimes. i haven’t been able to tie it back to astrology, as much as i would like to. i asked because i was wondering if there was a clear indicator based off certain placements like how 6th house rules animals, 6th is ruled by mercury so i jumbled them even though i probs shouldn’t have lol. and with venus it ties to personal taste so i wondered if it could indicate a liking towards a certain animal. i have sag and sag venus in 6th and embarrassingly enough, i was obsessed with horses. like i came out of the womb adoring them. as soon as i learned to talk i was a walking horse encyclopedia. my obsession died down. i’m not a horse girl, i swear on my life.

i agree with you about the cancer loving animals. animals are babies and momma cancer loves to nurture the babies. i feel like cancers are the most likely to hate the “are you a dog or cat person” question. they’d get offended because how dare someone assume their heart isn’t big enough for both. more than both, really. throw a turtle in there. a rabbit even. cancer asc peeps usually have a shit ton of animals. it’s probably the sag/abundance in the 6th. or they either own a horse or Great Dane. but this is off topic because i forgot i had a follow up question.

if you could tie an animal or a couple animals to each sign that you think best represents that sign? or just seems like one they’d like? some are so easy and others just leave me blank. my arachnophobia thinks scorpio’s deserve better than scorpions but my terror blinds me. but i was looking up the symbolism behind animals and tying them to signs. so far, i’ve concluded that while horses should go with sag, their highly intuitive and empathetic animals. their behavior is like a mirror so if you’re nervous, they are too. so pisces or cancer actually seems to be a better fit. and to stay on topic of cancer with animals, i always tie wolves and dogs in general to cancer. the wolves are tied to the moon and familial dynamics and also i think they’re a great symbolic opposition to leo and how leos tend to resemble cats. sun and moon, dog and cat, night and day, that sort of thing. i realized i’ve rambled but i’m looking forward to your opinion because i’m so lost on what other signs would have. it’s been a year old question in my brain and it’s time for help from the master.

I'm sorry to hear that, I'm had a friend once who was arachnophobic and having phobias like these is really no fun, I can't imagine what it feels like really having them. And omg don't feel bad for liking horses when you were a child, literally so many children, especially young girls, like horses simply because people decided horses where a 'teenage girls only' thing somehow?? (and I will have to dig deeper into this at a point because here where I come from the horse girl thing is soooo painfully real and I want to understand the phenomena). And if I'm not mistake, arachnophobia (like most types of phobias), stem from some kind of trauma right? I absolutely don't try to get to personal but if we look at phobias in that way, maybe it's good to also include looking at planets/asteroids that point to trauma or aspects that can represent/indicate traumatic experiences in that sense! And I agree wholeheartedly to the 'dog or cat' question, I don't get offended by it but I hate this question in general because every animal deserves my love and empathy adfghj and yes, mother feelings definitely play into this haha! I think cancers enjoy (to an extent) having that occasional (or constant) outlet for their nurturing side and the bound you have to animals is also very intuitive and requires a lot of patience and getting educated as well as being observant and reading between the lines somehow and all that dedication paired with emotional knowledge just really speaks to water signs in general (and animals don't judge openly with words, just your energy asdfgh) Uhh, I like the question regarding the animals and I agree with your takes on it so far!! I think one animal can not represent all the core traits of a sign alltogether, but I'll try my best here! and psdfghj no need to call me master because I'm literally so far from anything close to that but thank you so much still, I feel honored really!!

The Signs as Animals:

Disclaimer: some of them are inspired by my ‘the Wild Unknown Animal Spirit’ tarot deck.

Aries: House cat. I know, I always thought cats actually link pretty well to Aries! Cats are just the perfect mixture of intelligen and curious, reserved, stubborn, aggressive, senstive as well as playful/impulsive! They are quick to learn and not afraid to face off against any other, bigger animals, but also can live pretty well together with other pets in the house, as long as they don‘t bother them too much. Especially when it comes to intimacy/pda they are very picky, but forceful when demand it. Seem flexible and unbothered at first but actually have the firmest boundaries when it comes to their personal freedom. Will let you believe they need you but give it a few weeks and the neighbor has better treats than you and gone they are asdfgh, but it's actually a harmful stereotype to believe that cats don't need you because they can become extremely fond of you and grow very attached.

Taurus: Elk. Based on the interpretation of my tarot deck. The elk represents earth energy, it is grounded, is established in itself and knows their core values and acts according to them. They show consistency, coherence and care. Dedicated to who they love and what they care for. Can become narrow minded due to knowing what's best, based on their perception of what's right and necessary, which can effect their ego negatively. Very Taurus for me. Gemini: Dragonfly. I refer to the interpretation of the Dragonfly based on my tarot deck. The dragonfly represents the mind: everchanging, quick, fascinating, a reflection of the world inside us and aroudn us. As the dragonfly is very quick (refering to Mercury's fast and nervous energy) the dragonfly also calles for paying attention to what quality our mind has and to become mindful, because on first glance things always appear different tahn on first glance (Mercury floats between detail-oriented and paying attenetion and being too fast, impatient). The dragonfly is joy and magic, as well as impatience, restlessness and being unable to concentrate. Cancer: Killer Whales (but also whales in general)! I thought especially about Killer Whales, because I once watched a documentary on them and they went in depth about how they have different cultures and different languages even (if I remember correctly) in their familys. Cancer often gets associated with the home life, but I think I wanted to look at it from another perspective, as in how does family 'become' family and how do those family roots develope, what do they consist of, how do we define family and what holds it together (and especially: how do our roots shape our own emotional patterns and nature in life?). I think the mystery of the Killer Whales but the whole complexity that lies behind the fascination of how these animals function and also how deeply affected Killer Whales are by their emotions/when they are absent from their kin, just opens up another big question of family dynamics and how we relate to one another and how principles we always condoned to human beings now apply to animals too. I think the whole part about the Killer Whales relation to emotions and their family's cultures just really made me link them to Cancer. Leo: Otter. I refer o the meaning of teh Otter based on my tarot deck. The Otter resembles the energy of the inner child: it's pure bliss, playfulness, they love to live and live for life itself, and out of this eagerness to enjoy life comes also a contentment and completeness towards life itself. To reconnect with otter energy, it is advised to step into settings of celebration, or total creative self expression and from the outside looking 'unproductive/selfish' indulgence. But actually, this energy is what makes life so enjoyable in the first place.

Virgo: Octopus. Highly intelligent beings that can quickly adapt and take the initiative. Self sufficient by nature, they aren't aggressive unless provoked, they like to mind their business unless they get curious (then they cling heavy onto you because you are their new object of interest). They can change color if it's needed (Virgo is a mutuable sign and can blend in perfectly in social occasions/new situations) and tbh the inking part about octopus just reminds me of the fact that most Virgos have a really quirky side to them you only get to see when you annoy them long enough (aka you are a long term friend). Libra: Gazelle. I refer to the meaning of ten Gazelle based on my tarot deck. The gazelle combines the creation of beauty and harmony, creativity and hyper awareness of it's surroundings, very affected of the imbalances in it's environment, but in it's try to remain this beauty around them, they tend to forget their achievments and stay in the present with their thoughts, as they constantly wheigh out the 'what if's'. A very perceptive animal in the tarot deck and this attribute is equally it's strong suit and downfall. Scorpio: Tiger. I refer here to the meaning of the Tiger based on my tarot deck. Waits in stillness and darkness to reconnect to their own inner power. Healing in isolation with the help of the lunar forces, waiting to regenerate. The Tiger energy shows itself in being passionate, sensual and stepping into ones own power, recognizing ones strength. For me, this is very Scorpio (Moon) for me. When the Tiger in unbalanced, it becomes overstimulated and acts according to this hyperawareness. Sagittarius: Zebra. I refer here to the meaning of the Zebra based on my tarot deck. The Zebra stands for an open mind, visionary and eccentric, new thinking, as well as being young at heart and expansion. I personally connect horses with passion and drive, because they are truly powerhouses. Based on the meaning of my tarit deck, the Zebra also is sociable, at least people find themselves drawn to the energy of the Zebra because it triggers their desire to learn, and I think this is something very beautiful Sagittarius symbolizes when they come into your life: be prepared to broaden your horizon for more. 

Capricorn: Camel. I refer to the meaning of the Camel based on my tarot deck. Camels here represent absolute dependence on self and being able to find the answer to problems in oneself. This self reliance and capability reminds me of capricorns, the camel is finding the 'cool' aka water inside of them and Capricorn is traditionally also symbolized as the sea-goat (which I seriously think should really be considered when anaylzing this archetype) and Capricorns have (imo at least) a rich emotional life, but it's just deeply locked within. The Camel represents showing responsibility for their own actions, regulating the self and circumstances around them as best as they can, which makes sense for Capricorns, ruled by Saturn they usually are confronted with task in their life. If the Camel energy is out of balance, it shows a lack of vitality, with Capricorn representing the senior age in life makes sense, especially since Capricorns can tend to feel very old (exhausted)- Aquarius: Platypus- and no, I’m not using the Platypus because ‚wow all Aquarius are so weird like straight up aliens 🤪🤪’ I think the platypus is a good representation because it makes us question what we’ve known so far about animals and Aquarius too is a sign that introduces us to new ideas and perspectives all in the favor of progress and considering alternatives, leaving the status quo. Pisces:  Raven/Crow. I name these two in particular because as far as I know it’s only the ravens that have been documented intimating people’s voices and tones, but crows are definitely more known for their bright mind. For me people often forget Pisces mutable nature and how quick witted they actually are. These birds are hyper intelligent and their observational skills are truly amazing. In my Wild Uknown Animal Spirit deck, the crow is an animal carrying 3rd eye energy. Here, the view is clear, the crow is moving through different dimensions and sees what other’s cant. For and the emotional depth (void) Pisces is conencted to it just seem to make sense. 

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 31

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff

; Word Count: 4.6k

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: Taken a while to get here, huh? Officially less than 10 parts now though! If you enjoyed it, please reblog this and leaves me some comments or send me an ask. It helps to encourage me to get the motivation to write again :)

; Flower Masterpost

-

“Ow,” You whimper, wincing as the stiff fingers of the masseuse dug into a knot in your muscles. “I thought massages were supposed to be relaxing?”

The snort to your left comes from Chungha. You’d look over, but you’d learnt that the person working on you didn’t like that. Instead, you were stuck staring down at the floor through a cutout in the table. It wasn’t even hugely comfortable in this position, lying on your front and feeling like you had more in common with a corpse than a person.

“Sure they’re relaxing; if they’re coming from your boyfriend. But a real massage is only relaxing after the fact. Getting knots out of your muscles isn’t the most pleasant experience, as you’ve discovered.” She points out, causing you to pout at the floor. The masseuse doesn’t have any input to give, and you presume he’s used to hearing things like this.

“They make it look nice on tv and film.” The whine in your voice is apparent even to you, causing you to feel a little hot with embarrassment. You’d been flustered enough to find out that you would have to be almost naked for this massage, the very idea of having your body seen by a man other than Hoseok unnerving you. Until you’d seen how completely uncaring he was.

Soyeon had pointed out to you quietly that he’d probably seen more women’s bodies than a hundred men combined by now. Which was probably right, given he looked around 40. It made you feel a little better, but you still felt a little uncomfortable. This massage had better make you feel unbelievably relaxed to make up for all this pain.

Of course, your comment simply couldn’t be left alone, and Soyeon lets out a laugh from your right. “Yeah, and they also make it seem like a woman orgasms from three pumps every time. Curse the people who think it’s okay to put that in films and shows. The number of men who don’t even try anymore.”

You feel a little embarrassed at the subject, even if you know that Soyeon has never been one to censor herself. You and Chungha were now proudly in the knowledge that not only was Jungkook also bisexual like Soyeon but that they’d had a rather delightful threesome with a guy who had been in one of Jungkook’s classes last year.

She’d relished talking about it, and you couldn’t even ask her to stop out of worry for Jungkook; you’d experienced the fact that they seemed to be made for each other when Jungkook happily discussed his sex life with Hoseok when he came over. If it weren’t for the fact that you’d quietly texted Soyeon to ask if she was okay with him doing that and received an enthusiastic ‘hell yes and please give him tips’, you’d have been mortified to hear it. 

Even Hoseok had been bemused that day, giving you looks as Jungkook had described in detail how he’d gotten Soyeon to fuck him with a strap on. An image you most definitely did not need in your head of your best friend and someone who was becoming a close friend.

But again, it didn’t surprise you. Soyeon was always the most open sexually and believed that something so natural to humans should be celebrated and enjoyed. You just told yourself repeatedly that you were just happy she’d found love with someone who had the same interests and desires as her.

Plus, Jungkook was a complete sweetheart outside of his sexual interests.

Still, there was something mildly mortifying about her saying something so casually in such a public place. Sure, there was only the three of you in here alongside the masseuses, but the point still stands.

“Anyway,” Chungha says loudly, distracting the conversation away from whatever Soyeon might have been about to follow up with. “Have I told you that Dahyun and I are going to be moving in together? She asked me last night, and I said yes. And before either of you ask, we’re moving into her place. Being a trust fund baby must be awesome as that house is huge.”

You want to desperately sit up and look at her, shock on your face as your eyes widen in surprise. Things between Chungha and Dahyun had been going well obviously, but you hadn’t expected them to be going this well. Okay, that sounds bad, but you didn’t mean it like that. Just that they’d made this decision much faster than you’d decided with Hoseok.

But again, you had to remind yourself that there was no such thing as ‘normal’ when it came to relationships. Everyone worked at their own pace. Above all that, you were just happy for Chungha. You were satisfied that she’d found someone to love and was making steps towards a possible future with them.

“Oh my god! Congratulations, I’m so happy!” You say excitedly, your words overlapping with Soyeon’s equally enthusiastic comments. It’s only the pressure on your back from the masseuse that means you stay in position, recognising the subtle ‘stop moving bitch’. Pulling a face that no one can see, you force yourself to remain calm and relaxed.

“When are you going to move? You should get the guys to help; I’m sure they’d be happy to.” Snorting, you smile to yourself as you hear the certainty in Soyeon’s voice. She’d become a lot closer to Hoseok’s friends than you had, given her effervescent personality and you had no doubt that even if they complained, they’d be doing what she wanted. 

Jungkook was the baby of their friend group, and none of them seemed to want, or like, Jungkook being sad. Denying his girlfriend help when she asked would be a surefire way to make the adorable pout come out, so you did not doubt that they would be making their way to Chungha’s to move stuff.

That included Hoseok. It was incredibly amusing to you how a group of fully grown men were all so whipped for another grown man. Just because he had sweet eyes and the cutest whine. On second thoughts, you too would do anything Jungkook wanted to make sure he didn’t get upset.

How on earth Soyeon managed, you didn’t know. 

“I can’t offer up help because Yeonnie has just done that, but I can like...help decorate or something. Even if Dahyun has been living there for a while, so I don’t know. Or maybe I can just be like moral support?” You were probably better for moral support. From what Chungha had told you before, you knew that Dahyun had been living in her ridiculously beautiful house since she finished college.

It had been a present from her parents for graduating, which completely blew your mind. Hoseok’s parents were very wealthy, but Dahyun’s were the kind that made your eyes widen when you saw what they considered a reasonable purchase.

Thankfully though, Dahyun was a sweet and kind girl who hadn’t turned out nearly as spoilt as she could have been. Instead, she’d started work at a low position at the broadcasting agency she worked at and was working her way up slowly. You liked her. And you would like her for however long she remained a good, loyal girlfriend to Chungha. That was your main concern as one of her best friends.

There was no doubt in your mind that both your best friends held the same opinion when it came to Hoseok. If he made one wrong move, then their ruthless side would come out. It’s what friends are for, after all.

“That’s fine. Dahyun has said that we can decorate the whole place, so it suits both of us instead of looking like her bachelorette place. Which I’m glad about because I fucking hate the kitchen. Why she let them paint it mint green, I don’t know. But I can’t stand it.” Chuckling, you try not to move too much so that you won’t annoy the man kneading your back.

“Does she...know your opinion on the kitchen? I mean...it’s her kitchen.” 

“Yeah, but it was fucking ugly. She knows and doesn’t mind. Her mom was the one who had the place decorated at first, which explains why it looks like an interior designer's wet dream and has all the soul of my grandmother. That’s none, by the way. She’s a soulless husk of a woman sent by Satan, I’m sure. Dahyun is excited to get a choice in the decorating so...couple bonding, right?” You can hear the gentle note of confusion along with quieter uncertainty.

“I wouldn’t know, never lived with someone before. Y/N? As the only person here who has lived with a partner, is it normal to redecorate when moving in together?” Soyeon’s voice sounds curious, and you have a moment to wonder at it yourself.

The fact that you, out of all three of you, were the one who was now officially the most experienced in a relationship was bizarre. Not something you’d ever thought would happen. But then again, Chungha and Soyeon had been in longer relationships but hadn’t ever taken that next step; usually, because those relationships had petered out very quickly.

Still, you make noise without realising as you think. Scrunching your brow, you twist your lips and shrug, even though neither of them can see you.

“I mean...I don’t know? We redecorated everything, but that’s because we moved into a new place together. It’s not like he moved in with me or anything so like we had to. It doesn’t matter anyway, why are we talking about this? It’s not important! What’s important is that you’re happy. Happy enough to move in together!” 

You’re pleased that the attention leaves you quickly when Soyeon agrees cheerfully, giving a few thoughts as to what colour scheme they could go for instead of whatever Dahyun has now. It makes you think about your kitchen. You and Hoseok had decorated it before actually moving in so that everything was ready, deciding on a more neutral scheme.

As a result, the cabinets on the walls and the countertops were a dark walnut while the units on the floor were an off white, all with rustic style handles. It was easy to understand Chungha’s excitement about being able to go wild with her new home; you’d enjoyed being able to turn the house into something that would become your home with Hoseok.

To say that you’d felt closer with him after that was an understatement. You felt like you’d been able to understand Hoseok a little better, getting to see into his mind and how he thought. Even though he’d mainly just let you decide on everything, he had given plenty of options, and you’d made sure to keep his opinions in mind when picking.

There was no chance for you to give this advice though as the massage finally ended and the three of you were left alone in the room. Wrapping the towel around yourself tightly, you stretched carefully and let out a small sound of wonder as you felt almost no tension in your muscles.

“You were right; I do feel good. Oh my god. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this relaxed before.” You almost purr, smiling at the other two. Soyeon accidentally flashes the two of you when she opens her towel to readjust it, revealing a slim and toned body that causes a small flash of envy within. But you push that thought away. The last thing you wanted was to get insecure over your own best friend.

Besides, she worked hard for her body. You were proud of her for it.

“Told you so. You should get one regularly; I promise that you won’t regret it,” Stretching her arms into the air, Soyeon grins at you before bringing one arm to her face, smelling the slightly shiny skin of her bicep. “And it leaves you smelling all nice too. If a tiny bit oily.”

“Yeah, I’m not really into the oily feeling.” You murmur, wrinkling your nose as you run your finger along your arm. The pad your fingertip slides easily, the massage oils that had been applied and carefully rubbed into your skin still a little slick. Though she was right, it did smell nice.

“Anyway, come on, you two. Let’s get our robes on and get these nails sorted! I’ve been dying for a pedicure for ages but held off when you invited me to this.” Chungha laments, lifting one delicate foot and wiggling her toes while she scowls at them. Chuckling, you follow along to the next item on your spa day itinerary, enjoying the fact you were spending time with your best friends while also pampering yourself.

-

“There’s not even four trillion bears on Earth, so how the hell would they manage to get to the sun?” The lakeside view is particularly beautiful right now, with the vibrant colours of sunset kissing the tops of the lush green trees that surround the crystal clear lake. Oranges clashed with reds before sinking into sultry pinks, mixing in a beautiful image that mirrors on the lake top.

It was almost pretty enough that you wouldn’t even realise the comment that had just been made by Jungkook. The only ones who’d come for this weekend break outside of you, Hoseok and the girls were Jungkook, Jimin, Yoongi and Taehyung. Eden, Jimin’s fiancée, had to work a weekend shift and Namjoon was too busy with his kid and wife. You weren’t quite sure what Seokjin’s excuse was, to be honest.

All of the guys were currently sitting on the sandy beach that made up this end of the lake. It was entirely human-made and now and then there were fire pits and sectioned logs in circles for people to use. Unsurprisingly though, no one was sitting on one of those uncomfortable logs.

Instead, they were all sitting around on the sand with various brands of beer bottles stuck upright around them. They’d piled their empty bottles together into one of the beer boxes in an attempt to keep everything clean, and you nodded to yourself absentmindedly in approval at them keeping the space tidy.

“Fucking hell,” You hear Hoseok mutter, his colourfully tattooed arm on show as he rubs at his forehead. “It’s like I’m at home. This is something I end up talking about with Y/N.”

“Well, she’d be right. It’s an important question. The sun wouldn’t be able to fight off that many bears.” Jimin slurs slightly, his eyes squinting at the others and you realise he’s probably sauntering his way past tipsy and into a straight-out drunk. It explains why his question is said entirely seriously, and you can’t help the chuff of laughter that leaves you as you flop down into the sand beside your boyfriend.

He blinks at you for a moment as you run your fingers through his hair, the strands still a little wet from where he’d been in the lake earlier before he smiles at you sweetly. There’s a slight glaze to his eyes, and you recognise that he’s not drunk yet but instead just having a good time.

“He’s right; it’s an important question. However, the main problem here is that even with four trillion bears, the sun is still a giant ball of gas that’s on fire and is superheated to temperatures we can’t even comprehend. So, unfortunately, the bears would all die. Now, what we need to be doing is questioning how we can destroy the sun by cooling it?” You state, leaning against Hoseok’s body and enjoying the warmth from both him and the fire in the chill evening.

“Meeps, no...please no.” Hoseok whines softly, his chest vibrating against you and you laugh as you kiss his chin. He’s not being mean or anything; it’s just that he hears these kinds of conversations all the time with you. And he knows full well that once you start, you will happily keep talking until the topic ends up so bizarre that you’ll give even yourself a headache.

“Look,” Taking pity on him, you instead lean your head against his shoulder and flare out your fingers so he can see how pretty your nails look after your manicure. “They’re so nice until I bite them again and smell me! I smell so good, and I’m sooo relaxed.”

Chuckling, he takes care to make the right noises to you as he takes in the sight of your perfectly designed fingernails before having an obligatory sniff of your skin. A nod of approval is given to you before he wraps his arm around you, pulling you in even closer to his warmth. It’s beautiful and peaceful, with the soft sound of the waves lapping at the shore making an excellent background beneath the talk of everyone else.

Jungkook is currently in the process of pouting as Soyeon shows him her nails, her smile so pretty and her eyes so bright with happiness as he whines that he wants a manicure too. It makes you feel happy in turn to know that she’s content with herself and her relationship right now. She’d always been the wilder one out of you all.

“What have you guys been doing anyway?” You ask, the question louder than you intended and catching the attention of the others. Jimin goes to gesture towards you, only he’s not quite got the aim right, and he also doesn’t seem to realise he has a bottle in his hand.

As a result, half of the beer tips out and sloshes into the fire pit, the alcohol burning fiercely for a moment as his eyes widen and his lips form an ‘o’ shape of surprise. Yoongi snorts in amusement before carefully taking the bottle and placing it down next to him, looking over at you with long-suffering expression.

“We went quad biking earlier, and then we’ve just spent the afternoon in the lake. Swimming, fucking around. Even gotta go jet skiing. Your man made a rather spectacular re-entry into the lake. He can’t jet ski.” There’s a twinkle to Yoongi’s eyes as he glances over at Hoseok and you look up, your boyfriend's cheeks darkening slightly.

“'Apparently he can't jet ski'. Oh, I'm sorry. I must've missed that lesson in high school. What are you? A fucking Kardashian?” He mutters, lips puckering into a sweet pout and you giggle. Reaching forward, you accept the bottle of water that Chungha passes you from the blue cooler that had one of them had brought from one of the cabins you were all staying.

“With your parents and that education you had, I’m surprised you didn’t.” The snapback from Yoongi is quick, but you can tell he isn’t harsh. His small smile gives that away, and you can tell that Hoseok isn’t offended or anything. He’s way too relaxed against you.

“Sorry, between my fencing lessons and the lacrosse there just wasn’t enough time to fit the jet skis. Busy schedule, you know?” Snorting, you push at his side lightly while rolling your eyes. Everyone else seems to find his witty quip just as amusing, and there’s a wave of laughter that spreads around the others as they enjoy his easy-going comments.

Taking a sip of water, you relish the coolness of it and let out a small hum of appreciation. Hoseok hears you and looks over with a raised brow, lips quirking on one side before gesturing for him to have a drink. Without a word, you lift it to his mouth and carefully let him take a drink.

At least he was having something other than alcohol. Maybe you could even get him sober before bed if you tried hard enough.

“Ewww, you’re spreading germs.” Taehyung says quietly, his face wrinkled in disgust as he watches the two of you. Lifting a brow of your own at him, you can’t help but laugh at his reaction, mainly when Hoseok gives him a disbelieving stare of his own.

“You’re...that’s what you’re worried about? I don’t think a bit of shared germs between a couple is that big of a deal.” He mutters, rolling his eyes ever so slightly before accepting another drink when you lift the bottle back up to his mouth once more.

“It’s just...a bit gross.” The currently blonde-haired man pouts, crossing his arms over his chest and making his remarkably broad shoulders look incredibly small suddenly. You could tell he was a little embarrassed given the soft blush over his beautiful, golden cheeks.

Still, it makes Hoseok look at him with more than a little disbelief. Enough that it’s got everyone else giggling quietly as they have the same thought process that Hoseok is having.

“Tae...we’ve shared germs many times when kissing. If this shocks you,” He pauses dramatically. “Wait until you hear what we’ve done in the bedroom. You’ll be scandalised.” His words are so serious that you have to bite your lip to stop yourself from snickering, instead of cuddling closer into Hoseok’s firm warmth.

“Stop teasing him.” You mumble, pressing a small but loving kiss to his impressive jawline. Before you get any further, Jimin starts to make some loud comments. What they are, you’re not quite sure because he’s slurring even worse. Yoongi sighs deeply and stands, lifting the drunk man and holding him steady as he sways.

“I think that’s our cue to end the night here everyone. I’ll take Jimin back if you guys clean up here?” Everyone nods in acknowledgement, watching for a moment as Jimin staggers ahead of Yoongi up the small sandy beach. Chewing on the skin inside your mouth, you frown in concern at the slight figure.

“Does he always get this drunk?” It’s asked quietly, but everyone hears over the crackling fire as they shake their head negatively.

“Not always, it’s just because we’re away and he has no responsibilities. He likes a good drink now and then. Or a good night of drinking I guess it would be. Don’t worry; he also doesn’t suffer hangovers.” Taehyung states, leaning back against one of the legs and stretching with a groan.

“Asshole.” Hoseok mumbles quietly, causing you to grin. You knew very well that Hoseok got hangovers, the poor man. Shaking your head in amusement at the memory, you stand up and carefully brush off any annoying sand before looking around at everyone.

“Come on then, let’s clean up. I want to see how good of a sleep I can get now I’m all relaxed.” Exaggeratedly rolling your shoulders, you smile as you manage to make them all laugh before they finally bring themselves to stand up as well.

It takes no time at all to clean up the small area that the guys have been occupying for a few hours now. The recyclable bottles are split into plastic and glass and disposed of in the appropriate bins nearby. At the same time, Jungkook puts the fire out carefully, making sure that there are no lingering embers that might cause it to spark.

Hoseok is carrying the cooler, now obviously lighter given the way he playfully lifts it like he’s at the gym. Though it could be heavy, he has been working out a lot lately. He likes the relief it gives him and helps him to destress.

Perhaps most surprisingly, you’ve been going with him. You still hate the knowledge that he’s seeing you all super sweaty, stinky and gasping for breath. Surprisingly though, you often feel quite invigorated with him there. Like he’s some barrier to any of the negativity that might be thrown your way by others.

It was probably silly. But you’d told him plenty of times that he made you feel safe, and that included being in an environment that had historically made you unhappy and self-conscious. There was something different about being there with someone who found you attractive anyway.

“Getting my gains for the day,” Hoseok smirks, letting out an exaggerated ‘oof’ of effort as he lifts and lowers the cooler. “Can’t forget arm day, even on vacation.”

Watching him for a moment, you shake your head before letting your smile take over. You’d discovered over the past year and a half that it was impossible not to be endeared by him. Somehow, he always found the right thing to say to make you smile.

It made being annoyed over something he’d done very frustrating because you’d regularly find yourself laughing at him. But at the same time, you loved that about him. He knew that you were easily lured into a negative headspace and that you didn’t like confrontation, so he always tried to keep things positive for you.

“Come on, Popeye, I’m hungry. They only had rabbit food at the spa. Which is great because it’s healthy and everything, which I’m all for. But I’m on a mini-vacation. I don’t wanna eat lettuce and cucumber. I wanna eat greasy crap that I will regret for a solid week after.” Whining, you slip around to his other side and link your fingers together with his free hand.

“You’re gonna complain to me in five days that you’ve put on some invisible weight.” His voice takes on a sing-song note as he teases you, causing you to poke at his side while glaring at him.

“That’s a problem for us in five-days, it’s not a problem for us now. Right now, I want some damn pizza or something. Do we have pizza in the cabins? Or can we order some?” Peppering the questions at him, he shakes with laughter slightly before tugging at your hand until you’re facing him.

Playfully, you avoid his affection as he tries to kiss you, causing him to whine quietly every time you shift back. Grinning at him, you take him in for a moment and simply pause, your heart warming with love as you see the sad pout on your tall, tattooed and pierced 29-year-old boyfriend. He’s got a slight tan from the day’s activities, the sun still strong enough as the year eases to autumn.

Giving in, you simply hold still when he leans slightly towards you. Upon seeing you’re not pulling away this time, he’s a little more forceful and presses a short but sweet kiss to your lips. It’s probably not what anyone would have expected given how much he’d been trying just now, but it was enough for you.

“Hey! Stop sucking face and come here already! Jungkook ordered enough pizza to empty Naples for us from some local pizza place so hurry up.” Soyeon’s shout interrupts you both, causing you to look over to where she’s standing on the porch of the cabin you’re sharing with her and Jungkook.

Grinning brightly, you nod and give her a thumbs-up as she stands with her hands on her hips, no doubt glaring at you both for being so far behind everyone else and wasting time. However, she should be okay with it all really, given what you knew about Jungkook and her.

“Sometimes, I think you and Kook are the same person. You’re far too similar.” Hoseok whispers, kissing your forehead affectionately before beginning to walk towards the cabin once more. Looking at him, you raise a brow and tilt your head in silent questioning.

“Food on the mind.”

[tokoyamisstuff]

Just My (Blood) Type - Hisoka x Ghoul! Reader⭐️—__—💧

A/N: I’ve started to rewatch HxH again, and you guys need to suffer for it. Sorry. That stupid Crossover-idea had been stuck in my mind for some time, and October a fitting time for a reveal, right?

Of all the f/o I ever had, that damn Clown is my guilty pleasure.

Summary: At first sharply cutting off Hisokas flirtatious advances, you soon realize that there’s more to him than just a repulsive murderer.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of past abuse, Blood.

Noticeable: Gender Neutral! Reader (not 2 GIFs tho), POC suitable (no mentions of blushing, etc...), I used all the Hisoka GIFs I could find

Fandoms: HxH, Tokyo Ghoul (kinda)

Words: ~2400

“The second participant to arrive at the goal is No. 13, Y/N Y/L/N” a robotic voice announced via speakers. “It took 3 hours and 27 minutes.”

So this was the end of the Trick Tower already, huh?

Not really as great a challenge as you hoped for, but whatever. That fact really wasn’t a surprise, considering that you were a Nen-User.

This whole exam up until now was a piece of cake more than anything else. Nothing exciting or challenging at all for a change.

You sighed loudly, your audible disappointment echoing through the great and almost empty hall. 

Only a dim light would brighten up the prison cell, and there didn’t really seem to be anything to kill time. So you sat down right where you stood, back leaning against the cold stone wall.

At first, you wouldn’t even bother asking yourself who had entered the goal first - until you heared an all too familiar voice.

“Congratulations. ★ I’ve expected nothing less of you.”

Goddamn it.

Before you could even find a sassy remark, the man itself already stood in front of you. Looking up, nothing less than a broad welcoming smile was playing on his lips.

“Mind if I take a seat?”

Your posture immediately stiffened as you pulled your knees tightly against your chest. 

“Yeah. And now get lost!” At least he didn’t underestemate you - otherwise it could mean your imminent death.

He wouldn’t even try to conceal his bloodlust, does he?

Ever since you first met, you gave it your best to not cross his way throughout the whole Hunter Exam - yet for some reason, he seemed to be enjoying your presence, almost as if searching for you.

“My, my...” Instead of keeping his distance, the man just sat down right next to you, making himself at home. “May I ask what I’ve done to deserve such hatred directed at me?”

Only now you realized that the Nen you emitted was an open book to your feelings.

Hopefully he didn’t notice that you were afraid of him...any hint of weakness, and you’d probably be done for.

Yet still: Hisokas voice had always been so tender and kind - a huge contrast to his true self, you thought.

That was not the only contradiction surrounding the mysterious magician. And you knew a things or two about that kind of behaviour yourself.

Only one thing was sure to you: That man was dangerous.

It was obvious what kind of monster was right next to you - his prey. How could this man stay so perfectly calm and contain himself, considering the fact that he radiated this huge amount of bloodlost?

This could only mean this was his natural state of being - and the fact alone made you shiver.

Not answering him, your eyes wandered everywhere but his direction. You remained silent as you scanned the room for any exits, but to no avail.

The two of you were all alone - for 68 hours at max.

Only god knows when the other participants will arrive and end your misery of that unsettling closeness.

“Rumor spreads that you’re planning to become a Head Hunter” the magician tried to engage in a smalltalk, putting his hand on his chin. “Why would that be?”

“Don’t play the fool, Hisoka.”

You were sure that he saw you using nen back in the Milsy Wetlands at least once, so it should be pretty obvious to him: There simply wasn’t any other choice for you to live without a guilty conscience.

“No, I honestly don’t understand” he chuckled, trying to get your attention. “Why someone so innocently looking would want such a profession, I mean.”

Gulping harshly, you now dared to meet his glare. “Look: Stop fucking with me. If you want to kill me, do it quick - but stop strolling for time, or whatever wicked game you’re playing right now.”

Of course you’d struggle, maybe even put up a fight - but in the end, Hisoka was so much more experienced than you.

And you knew damn well opposite to you, he was enjoying spilling the blood of innocents if it had to be.

For a brief second, all of his pretence dropped and he looked shocked, a little bit offended even.

“And why should I do that?”

“Drop the act” you retorted harshly, “It’s annoying. I know all stories about you, even saw you kill before my very eyes. You’re a murderer. I bet, for the likes of you, killing comes to you like breathing.”

“You’re one to talk” he answered, not sounding any less polite, “I could feel your bloodlust throughout the whole tower.”

Now your face dropped as well, and only now you felt how you were shaking - not out of fear, but anger.

“I took that as an invitation” the mage spoke playfully, letting his tongue run over his lips. “Your bloodlust lures me to you every time. We’re not that different, are we? I knew from the very first second.”

What a pain in the ass. And you were not talking about his demeanour. No.

You were simply disappointed in yourself.

For years and decades, you had principles goddamnit! Certainly you’ve never really been a saint, but...well, ever since you first found yourself lost in those golden eyes, you threw your moral compass overboard.

How could you dare to betray yourself like that and feel anything else than remorse for such a vile being?

Why the hell did you feel so damn attracted to someone you simultaneously wanted to either punch or run away from?!

“And what the hell do you want from me, then?! Why are you telling me all of this?”

“I’m just curious” he smiled, face leaning closer to yours.  “That’s all.”

You crossed your arms, now awkwardly relaxed yet still annoyed. Furrowing your brows, you just had realized that Hisoka actually managed to engage in a conversation with you.

“You first” you almost gnarled, staring him down expectantly.

“Why not?” he shrugged as he began shuffling his cards in the meantime. “There’s no greater reason behind my doing, my dear. It’s true: I enjoy killing. But I don’t do it all random. I have standarts too, you know? The people you saw me kill in here were an exception: They were way weaker, but they surrounded and attacked me first. Simple self-defense.”

Yeah. Of course.

It would’ve been way too easy for him to simply escape or at least make them unable to fight without decapitating them, but he chose otherwise.

Hisoka wrang out a twisted sound, almost like a cruel laugh as he awaited your reaction.

“Sounds like a cheap excuse. A murderer is still a murderer.”

“Tzch. What a shame.” Your words didn’t really touch him - not that you expected them to awake any kind of regret in him. “I thought you to be different than the others. Smarter.” 

You had to admit: Usually, Hisoka won’t lay a finger on innocent or weaker people. Most of the time - if he needed something from them, at least - he was very curteous, even. Or he’d simply act like they didn’t exist, sparing them from a cruel fate.

But that was part of his facade, too: A selfish man who could both be pleasure and doom, considering what would be to his favor.

“And what would that ‘standarts’ be?” You rose an eyebrow, still irritated that you kept conversating about such a useless topic.

“Good you ask” he pointed his index finger in the air, almost as if lecturing you. “I think most people are like me in a way, maybe just not so extreme. They desire to compete with powerful enemies.”

Yeah, that much is probably true - especially in the world of a Hunter.

For some people, there’s nothing better in this world than the adrenaline rush of a real fight. Especially when they need to get all out - mentally as well as physically - to survive.

You on the other hand wished you even had such a choice, and if you had, you’d obviously choose a peaceful life instead of that of a suicidal idiot.

But to each their own, right?

“Want to help me out?” He meant the card house he was building, handing you over some cards as he continued explaining. “I’d never simply kill a person that isn’t prepared or doesn’t accept a challenge. An opponent needs to give it their all - it has to be a battle between equals.”

A shaky moan escaped his throat, face tiwsting in excitement - almost seeming aroused - as he stated “My greatest pleasure comes when such people crumple to their knees and look down upon their disbelieving faces as their plans fail!”

“You really are creepy” was your plain answer, placing the last layer of the card house on top. “Do you know that?”

“Of course. I’m mad, not stupid.”

So this is what this is about.

“Now’s your turn, dollface.” The fact that he still maintained his usual, sly attitude, as well as the nicknames made you more flustered than you wanted to admit.

“I’m not human.” You revealed this fact as if it was nothing, throwing your hands into the air as if you had been catched. “At least not fully. Not anymore. It’s hard to explain, really.”

“I’m listening.”

That caught you off guard: You just dropped this huge bomb of a fact - and instead of being taken aback, he’s intrigued more than anything?!

Well - it’s Hisoka. Why are you even surprised?

It took you a while to collect all of your thoughts, since this was the first time you’d ever tell someone about your past. And gladly, Hisoka just sat there in silence, invested in his cards until you were ready.

“Long story short: I was a child slave. No need to spit out all the details, but you can imagine. Hard times, torture, abuse...I was on the brink of death when my Nen manifested as some kind of defense-mechanism.”

Now you felt like you were experiencing a headache. It was nothing new to you - this happened whenever you tried to surpress the flashbacks.

Burying your head into your hands, tears of regret filling the rim of your eyes, you forced yourself to continue.

“I knew nothing about Nen, yet as if naturally, I made a Restriction and Pledge on that day: The blood of the guilty must be shed. I’d do anything to get the power to achieve this. And whatever kind of higher might determinds the conditions, it took that sentence of mine very literal.”

“So you’re-”

“...a Ghoul, yes. My hatred was powerful enough to save my life, yet the price I had to pay for this power is something I can’t take to this day. So I’ll become a Head-Hunter and still my thirst for blood only on the bodies of criminals worthy of death.”

You’ve expected any kind of reaction: Disgust, scorn, scolding you for doing something so reckless - even attacking you right here.

However, the mage suddenly broke out in huge amusement, his muscular chest having as he laughed loudly and heartily. “You’re not very good of a story-teller.”

There was no time to react, your baffled self only able to look as Hisoka grabbed one of the cards out of a whim, infusing it with Nen.

But instead of attacking you, he cut his wrist without even twitching: Deeply enough to draw blood, yet not to leave a scar.

“Well, you must be hungry, right? Long day, many fights...”

You wanted to object, but instead of syllables your throat suddenly felt dry as if strangulated with barbwire: Seeing him licking his own blood from the card turned this invitation into sweet torture.

Usually it was no problem for you to hold back, even for weeks if it had to be - but for some reason, you desired his blood more than anyones ever before.

“No need to be shy” the man cooed, presenting his wrist to you. “When was the last time you ate?”

The blood was already dripping to the floor, making you desperate as you closely watched every drip. “W-Why are you doing this?”

“I want to see it, Y/N. Do both of us a favor, won’t you?”

There was no use in struggling against your instincts - and as soon as your tongue gently incorporated the red liquid, there was no going back.

Involuntarily, your fangs dug deep into his flesh, yet all that came out of Hisoka’s mouth were ecstatic groans - you weren’t quite sure if it was because of the pain or the strenght of your Nen.

How humiliating.

You despised that appearance of yours: Red irises, the rest of your eyes just a black pit. Together with those flame-like wings made from Nen, most people would say you came from hell itself.

But Hisoka wasn’t disgusted in the slightest - no, quite the opposite.

“Beautiful.💖”

You felt a pet on your head, long fingers digging into your hair as you finally let go off of his arm. “No, you can keep going until you’re satisfied. I heal quick, it’s no problem.”

He didn’t mean your appearance - to Hisoka, only power was attractive.

But still: Never before someone had seen you the way you were now and called you something else than a monster.

Licking your lips, you noticed that his blood tasted sweet: A lot like bubble gum. That was a surprise.

Pulling you over to his lap, Hisoka’s lips needily crashed over yours - and you didn’t reject, rather melting into his touch while he explored your mouth, tasting his own blood on your tongue.

His grip was tight and gentle at the same time, fingernails digging deep inside your flesh so he’d be able to control his murderous instincts.

He felt warm. And somewhat safe, even though that sounded ridiculous considering the situation.

After a while, your bodies would finally part again, leaving you both to gasp for fresh air. Your mind was still clouded by all those confusing emotions - yet Hisoka, pleased by the outcome, seemed to be very much petrified:

“This may be the beginning of a wonderful friendship.”

[nightswithkookmin]

Hi I just want to ask something. Do you think Jungkook has been always like/love Jimin the way he is before or just when he started to glow up. I'm just asking this bc you know Jungkook has been always rank Jimin last on looks or said he look different without makeup before. I know he didn't meant harm to Jimin but do you think Jimin has been trying to look good and go on extreme diet to be loved by Jungkook or Jungkook has been always trying to hide his feelings for him but act tough

Huh?...

What an interesting question....

For a moment there I thought I had already discussed this in my blog posts? Chileee.

Now you'd have to specify which period in time you consider a glow up point for Jimin. Do you mean the period of 2014/15 when he was starving himself, passing out on stage and bleeding through his nose to stay anorexic? *Side eyeing you.

To me, Jimin's 'glow up' coincided with their debut in 2013. Those fine abs, sculpted muscles yet soft toned feminized features- sorry Jimin, you weren't fooling no one.

This was also the period I noticed JK showing overt signs of sexual and emotional attraction towards Jimin. Jimin just seemed oblivious to it. And he would begin his own whipped journey around 2015/16 in my opinion.

Personally, I believe JK fell first for Jimin and 'turned' him- turned for lack of a better word. I don't buy into this whole Jimin fell first JK fell harder rhetoric.

But I think JK's interest in Jimin began long before this period. I don't think Jk had fully grasped the concept of his own sexuality much less to have come to terms with it in any time before 2012- before Jimin arrived in Bangtan- ok maybe he had a vague idea of it, but I do believe Jimin was his sexual and romantic awakening.

Jk and Jimin have two very distinct and opposite idol personas. I keep saying this.

Since we don't know them in person, I think it's safe to assume every aspect of them we experience on screen is a persona.

That persona is a facade, a curated wall on which they project bits and pieces of their true self and often put up a performance of this identity for our consumption.

In Jk's persona, he likes to retract and conceal aspects of his true personality and censor himself a lot while JM likes to amplify and exaggerate his true personality and put up a performance of it.

As I've said, it's mainly due to their backgrounds. JK was given a lot of leeway in his upbringing which he feels puts him at a disadvantage because he ends up exposing himself too much. Thus he likes to retract and hold himself back.

Jimin coming from a conservative background with many rules and what not revels in the new found freedom Idol life gives him so often he doesn't hold back as much as JK does. But that doesn't mean that who they really are in real life.

So often you'd hear people say Jimin looks more serious in person than he does on camera while JK is said to be more expressive than he usually is on camera.

But here is the thing, concealing his feelings is not JK's nature it's his choice. And this is very important to note. He chooses not to do certain things on camera while Jimin chooses to do certain things on camera.

So when JK is not showing his feelings for Jimin it's not because he can't show those feelings, it's more like he doesn't want to show those feelings.

Thus when people say he wasn't showing his feelings for Jimin because he was shy I raise my brows- Shy my ass. Lol

Was he acting tough then? Hmmmm. He likes to act tough no two ways about that. I've said he has a good poker face between him and Jimin. If you are not careful you might think he doesn't like Jimin. But trust me, that man is whipped on god.

But I don't think that's what he was doing in those early dynamics.

I think he was hesitant in pursuing Jimin openly at the time because he wasn't sure about Jimin's sexual orientation much less whether or not Jimin reciprocated the feelings he had for him.

And you could tell not knowing these about Jimin terrified JK a lot, hence his hesitation.

But later when he was certain of both he became more confident in the way he expressed himself and his feelings for Jimin.

Prior to this you could see him fishing and testing the waters with Jimin, slowly pushing Jimin's boundaries- a gentle touch here, a lingering stare there.

He would often pay attention to the things Jimin would say but especially about his romantic and sexual preferences. Like when Tae said he felt Jimin liked men and when Jimin was asked about why he liked JK and JK seemed like he wanted to know.

Then he went through that phase where he seemed obsessed with Jimin's reaction to when other guys sexualised him and expressed interest in him. He seemed very attentive to these little details in a way that seemed to me as if he was fishing for confirmation that Jimin actually liked men and liked him- in a nonplatonic manner.

I feel Jimin noticed these things too in JK but was mostly fascinated by it. So often he would go out of his way to express his sexuality, exaggerate it and perform it as if to let JK know he was ok with JK liking him in that kind of way. Often, you'd see him egging JK on to touch him where JK seemed hesitant, reassuring JK- I think y'all know the bit I'm talking about. I feel JM wanted JK to feel comfortable expressing his interest in him- he ain't slick.

I've said Jimin's persona is a performance. I can see how to JK that could be very confusing. Hell, half of the fandom still read Jimin wrong to this day. Is he gay, bi, straight, a woman, a man, bigender- it's a lot of questions. Legitimate questions.

And I think for JK, seeing Jimin behave like the rest of BTS with the skinship towards him was equally confusing. So often he would shy away from it. Jk was going through puberty, everything was heightened for him.

It's also important to consider the possibility that, if JK was LGBTQ plus that he was going to hide it and not come out to his bandmates for as long as he worked with them- because it's none of their business first and foremost but also because it would have affected their attitudes towards him.

I mean look at the fear and panic with which they greet Jikook when Jikook breath anywhere near eachother in public spaces- not to call them out or anything but I don't think if they were straight that they were going to treat them same. I mean Taejin is as wild as Jikook but.... sigh.

So then going on to catch feelings for one of such said band mates who gives off queer vibes, he had better be sure about him before coming out to him and confessing to him lest he risked his career and friendship with him.

If Jimin wasn't LGBTQ plus it would have been cruel of him to act the way he does with JK honestly. For instance Joking about marriage knowing full well the fight LGBTG plus couple have to put up to have this basic human right- of course JK would yeet himself out of that conversation. I'm talking about that Jikook Vlive and all the time JK has squeezed his face disgruntledly when Jimin has asked him to have his kids- like why Jimin!

Jimin I feel because he is Bi whatever doesn't take this gay business seriously at all. If you've ever dated a bisexual you'd know the feeling. He is my bias and I love him but God he frustrates me for Jk honestly.

What annoys me most is I know how deep he is into JK. Like I've never seen a man so in love with another man in my entire queer life! Like shut up whippidy whipped ass we saw your face at Manila. You like that man. You like him.

Let JK put up a front and you'll see this tactless homegirl descending into that space we all hate so much and embarrassing himself left right left clinging on to JK seeking validation and reassurance- like can you be serious in your life for once Park Jimin. 😒

Anywho, I went off on a tangent there. Sorry.

But yes, this is another aspect of their dynamic I feel most people get twisted. Jimin enjoys JK's expressions of interest in him- however way he does it. Jk enjoys it too when Jimin shows him he wants him. Remember magic shop? Show me, I'll show you? And that line JK sang to Jimin that made Jimin nervous on Live with VMin? Yea...

They love each other and they love when the other is showing and expressing their love. Hell, isn't that why they are constantly trying to find creative ways to communicate their love? 5/8, love letters punctuated with sorries? Chileee.

Could Jimin's look be a contributing factor to JK liking him? Let me put it this way. People are attracted to people for a plethora of reasons, physical appearance being one of them.

Looks attract people, emotional connection binds them and make them stay. I have said this time and again JK is attracted to all of Jimin-looks, everything. When asked which part of of Jimin he liked most he put all of Jimin as the answer.

With regards to JM's weight, I think the tears he shed on stage during the performance of I Need You says it all. Jimin was killing himself and it was killing JK. Jimin wasn't doing all that out of self love much less for the love of JK.

He was doing all that because he wanted to be an Idol in every sense of the word. He was killing himself for his career. A career JK was once willing to walk away from and JM advised him to stay.

Jk defies the dictates of his career with the piercings and tattoos and gay pubs- the emphasis is mine. Y'all think he is about to be demanding of his life partner to look like what now? Chileee.

And when JK was starving himself and losing weight who was it that brought him down that ledge? Jimin. If it was a positive thing I thing he would have encouraged him.

Jk allegedly called Jimin his Mochi in that infamous graduation night track video. Did you see his reaction to when James Corden called Jimin Mochi? Baby fat cheeked Jimin was cute not ugly. And even if you think he was, JK still found that attractive. Jimin could be looking like my Aunt Becky and Jk would still fuck him.

Have you seen JK freeze frame to take snapshot photos of Jimin? It's almost always pictures of Jimin looking like the wicked witch of the west. He loves him some park Jimin memes. Loves that man to death.

How many times have he said Jimin looks beautiful without makeup? Remember the Vlive Jimin didn't want to be on camera because he didn't have makeup on? What did JK say?

Jk isn't a shallow person you know. He really isn't. He doesn't strike me as the kind at all. Questions like these presupposes that JK is a vain shallow person who only likes people for their looks. Don't get me wrong, it's a valid question, one that I'm happy to discuss but it also exposes the biases against JK and indirectly, Jimin.

Do you feel JK is shallow? I find a lot of people do and it breaks my heart.

Have you heard any of his songs? His GCFs?

He barely idolizes his subject matter's looks and appearances. You gave me the best of you, so I'll give you the best of me. What I found in you is real. That's doesn't sound shallow to me.

They work in a highly competitive and highly vainglorious environment. I think they know more than anything the dangers of vanity- it's fleeting. They put themselves through so much to appease the vanity matrics, to subject people they love through the same.

I've talked about how because JM comes from a demanding home and work environment that acceptance is one key aspect of his love language. He wants a person who loves him for who he is and accepts him without placing expectations on him.

If JK was this shallow JM wouldn't honestly have found him attractive much less love him to begin with. He wouldn't have found fulfillment and nourishment from JK. He loves JK because JK's values and upbringing makes him the perfect person for him to trust himself fully to.

Besides, for JK to be only attracted to JM because he glowed up, he himself must have been a ten from the onset which he wasn't let's be honest- no shade to him but he wasn't exactly packing now was he?

BTS are pretty but they've all undergone hefty transformations throughout the years, magic foreheads and all. So if you wonder if Jimin's glow up contributes to JK liking him, then you'd have to wonder if Jk glowing up also contributed to Jimin finding him attractive- it's a vicious cycle.

As for JK ranking Jimin last... did he ever rank himself first? No. He ranked Jimin last and himself second to last consistently. If he found Jimin unattractive he certainly found himself as equally unattractive only one step above Jimin.

I honestly think he was just teasing Jimin. He loves teasing Jimin because it's how he flirts with him. It's just the masculine energy in him I guess. V does this too when he flirts with Jimin. He teases him about his pinky, his Mochi cheeks and his glow up- Iland anyone?

Why y'all think JK looked away sharp when JM dropped to the floor?? He recognized what V was doing- don't mind me. I'm trolling. Lol. But deadass.

Jimin teases JK too by acting like he is available most times. It's the feminine energy in him. Girls like to tease their crush by amplifying their sex appeal. What better way to amp up your sex appeal than by having other people show interest in you? Jimin is a tease. Bless him.

Besides, when JK ranked Jimin first in looks he ranked himself last. I hope y'all don't think it's because he has low self esteem?

He ranked himself and Jimin last because he wanted to humble himself and by extension Jimin because he sees himself as Jimin's equal and as such recognizes their place as the youngest within the group. As he has explained, as the youngest, he places everyone else above him.

I honestly don't think Jungkook had always been interested in Jimin. But somewhere along the line while he came to terms with his own sexuality he began developing feelings for Jimin. His glow up had nothing to do with it. In my opinion.

I think Jimin caught him off guard? It's that red string serendipity destiny voodoo working its magic that orchestrating their love. In my opinion.

I don't think either of Jikook went searching for this love thingy either as I keep saying. It wasn't planned, it wasn't foreseen, it just happened to both of them but at a different pace.

I hope this helps?

Signed,

GOLDY

[bowl-of-shortness]

Would you mind saying that again?

Necromancer AU

It had been a relatively normal day, or, well, as “normal” as it could get when you’re secretly a necromancer walking the streets of very anti Necromancer Atlas.

Just a normal day, with the same forgettable Atlesian Soldiers sometimes ordering you around, and the same old ironwood not learning how to shut his mouth for at least a few seconds. Despite how annoying it was, Ozpin managed to bite his tongue and not shoot a comment back at the soldiers.

He had never liked Atlas. Not only did it mean horrible things to him, but was much different from Vale, in all the worst ways. It was dull, grey, and unfriendly. Atlas looked easily forgettable because of its appearance, but it was far from it due to the horrors these grey concrete walls hold.

But unfortunately, he had work to do. And so Ozpin dragged his feet on despite the irritation of having to be in a place where he isn’t welcome.

Eventually, he was at the door of the one person he had resented the most. The man who somehow thought they were “friends”. The giant iron plate on the door had bold words carved into it, “General Ironwood.”. He was there for a meeting, a meeting where Ironwood would most likely go off on one of his tangants about how necromancers are the worst people alive and how they deserve the worst, other than that Ozpin had no idea what the meeting was about. Not that he particularly cared.

Ozpin had already mentally prepared on the way here for this meeting, he had to everytime, since the General loved to go off constantly. Reluctantly, he knocked on the door. It opened to reveal Ironwood himself.

“I’m surprised General, normally you would have one of your soldiers open the door.” He mentioned as he walked inside the equally dull and grey office. Ironwood swiftly closed the door behind him, “I didn’t want my soldiers around for what we are going to talk about.”,

Ozpin inquired, mildly irritated, “And that is? You haven’t exactly mentioned what we are going to speak about today.” The two went to go sit down at the meeting room table.

“Ruby Rose.” He stopped walking. “What about her?” Ozpin grew nervous, he mentally pleaded for it not to be what he thought it was. “She is a necromancer, were you aware of that?” Ironwood said sharply. He mentally cursed, “Of course not. How could I have been?” Ozpin replied quickly, turning around to look at the General “If I had known I would’ve told you.” His tone was cold.

Ironwood nodded, “I figured you would have. I know that she’s here in Atlas traveling with you and playing the both of us like idiots, do you happen to know specifically where she is?” Oz found himself growing increasingly anxious as the conversation went on, he knew what would happen if he let Ironwood get anywhere near her, it happened with her mother, Pyrrha and countless others. He had to think of something, he had to warn her.

“I unfortunately do not, but I have a few ideas of where she might be. I personally feel it would be better if I went to go find her instead of your soldiers because she trusts me, if your soldiers go after her she might run.” Ozpin spoke, keeping the same tone as earlier, hiding his anxiety. He mentally breathed a sigh of relief he had a solid plan, and a good way to warn her without getting suspicious.

“I suppose that’s the easiest way isn’t it? Well, please go do that, I expect her to be here around sunset at the latest, good luck Ozpin.” Ironwood smiled, gods he hated that smile. The smile of a murderer who thinks he’s right.

“I will see you then.” Ozpin gritted his teeth as he left

Ozpin hurriedly rushed to the small hotel he, Qrow, Glynda and the kids had been staying at, one that not even the Atlas military knew existed.

As he ran up the stairs the conversation kept playing through his head, “I can’t let him do anything to her.” He mentally repeated over and over again. Once he got to the door he knocked frantically, Ruby answered. “Uncle Ozzy? Welcome back!” She smiled curiously. He melted slightly at the nickname and her smile.

He shook off the feeling quickly, now wasn’t the time for that, “Love, we need to go now, I know this may seem confusing but I will tell you as we get there.” He spoke anxiously.

Ruby’s smile faded “He found out, didn’t he?” She said quietly, he nodded sorrowfully “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head “Don’t be.”

“So,”

“What do I need to do?” She gave him a determined look.

——————————————————————————

If there was one, singular, thing Ironwood was good at, it was catching on to things he shouldn’t have caught onto.

The plan was quickly found out by ironwood and now his bloody soldiers were now running around vigorously looking for her.

This was his fault, he shouldn’t have done anything like this in the first place. He couldn’t worry about that now, this was where they were now. He had to do something to help Ruby, anything.

“What do you mean you can’t find her?! That stupid leech is running around the military base in bright red clothes and you ‘can’t find her’?! Get off your ass and do your damn job before I do it for you!” He suddenly heard Ironwood yell.

It irritated him to no end, this was how ironwood was, treated his soldiers like tools, treated necromancers like animals, and treated anyone he deemed under him horribly. But nothing would make him feel quite as angry as what happened next.

“Found You!” A soldier yelled, Ozpin’s heart stopped. He looked over and could see her struggling against the soldiers. And then she just, gave up.

Suddenly, everything was all too familiar. That red coat, now white, the feeling he had when he had to come home and tell her family what happened, the funeral, everything. He refused to put anyone through that again, he refused to let another person he cared about die again, and he refused to bare witness to it like he had done so many times before.

Ironwood put due process to Ruby’s head, and Ozpin’s breaking point was beyond reached.

Before he knew it, his magic lashed out across the room, throwing them all back with such force to knock many of the soldiers unconscious. This luckily included knocking Ironwood to the floor.

Ozpin wasn’t the kind of man to get angry, but to be okay with killing innocent people, to be okay with killing an innocent teenager, was one of those things to make him enraged.

He walked up to the now shaking Ironwood, beyond enraged. “Uncle Ozzy?” A small voice quietly said, Ozpin quickly turned his attention to the girl behind him. His expression softened. “Run, go find the others. I will catch up with you later” he said softly, but there was still a hint of anger that seeped through.

“What are you going to do?” She questioned. Ozpin looked behind him once more before looking back to the monster in front of him, “I believe I have some…business…to take care of”

She nodded and then left, good, he didn’t want her to see what was going to happen next.

“You—“ “knew? Yes I did, and you have a knack for finding out things you shouldn’t find out about.” He said being eerily calm. He started walking up to Ironwood as the General pathetically tried to back up, “You know I have a real issue with egotistical dictators who hurt my family.” He stops in front of him.

Ironwood originally didn’t think Ozpin was an intimidating person, quite the opposite in fact, but it seems he was very wrong with the way Ozpin was looking at him in this very moment. Eerily calm, tall as hell, and seeping rage. He wouldn’t let the silver haired man know that though, he needed to stand his ground. “You are scum of the earth, all of you are! You all deserve what Atlas gives you what I give you!!” He screamed. Ozpin stared at him, not saying a word.

There was a long silence, a long, uncomfortable, silence.

Ozpin shook his head and spoke “I don’t think you understand how much necromancers can actually do. We are beyond kind to revive people and give them life, but there’s another side to it you need to consider.”.

“A-and what’s that?” Ironwood nervously questioned, almost accusingly. All of sudden the General felt a massive amount of excruciating pain all throughout his body. “W-What the h-hell?!” He said through gritted teeth, trying not to yell at how painful it felt.

Ozpin crouched down to his level, it was only then did Ironwood notice his hand was glowing a mysterious green. And then, just as the green light went away, so did the pain. Ozpin stood up and looked at him, “We can take away life just as easily as we can give it, so I’d be careful with who you hurt. Just because Summer was nice enough to revive you doesn’t mean that I will be as forgiving.”. Now Ironwood was visibly frightened, good.

“The next time you come anywhere near a necromancer to kill them, keep in mind that we can take away life just as easily as we can give it.” Without speaking further, Ozpin walked past him to leave until he heard Ironwood’s painfully annoying voice.

“And why should I listen to you?! I’ll kill you, I’ll make sure of it!” The General yelled at Ozpin. “Funny thing about killing me,” He turned around and stared at Ironwood “I. Can’t. Be. Killed.” Ironwood paled.

“Or, well, I can, but it won’t stay that way for long.” Ozpin shrugged nonchalantly “It’s a nice thought though.” He turned around again before stopping once more at the sound of Ironwoods voice, dear god this was getting annoying.

“Then I’ll kill those stupid brats! They don’t deserve to exist, and I’ll kill that leech the same way I killed her monster of a mother. I’ve done it once and I’ll do it again, Ozpin.” He said, his voice filled with anger and fear. This time Ozpin broke his facade of calmness. “Oh?” Ozpin challenged before turning around and walking towards the general.

All of sudden that horrible pain was back, but worse, and Ironwood couldn’t stop from yelling out in pain this time. He couldn’t even move the pain was so unbearable. Ozpin loomed over him. His eyes were…green?

“Oh dear.” He started “Would you mind saying that again?” Ozpin questioned, feigning politeness as he crouched down to Ironwood’s level.

“I don’t think I heard you very well.”

[oneweekoneband]

her Nebraska (1982)

In July I flew to Massachusetts with a plague on, and I felt that it was wrong, but my mother had begged and I’d been out of work for months. Mornings there I ran in long, uneven ovals on the same roads I’d memorized in high school. There’s no sidewalks, but the few feet of dirt between the craggy pavement and the open mouths of the fields serve all right for a single body in motion. When a truck comes up close from behind, the ground shakes, and I step away bouncingly from the street toward thigh-high yellow weeds and grass, and keep going. I was slowly picking my way back in that dirt, sweat-slick from only a plodding couple of miles in peak summer heat, and sucking the wet cotton of my mask in between my teeth on every inhale, when Taylor Swift announced she was releasing a surprise album produced by the guy from The National. Not the guy from The National, like, the voice, but the guy from The National whose photo was circulated on Twitter earlier this year as some kind of antifa super soldier, which isn’t the case, but would’ve been rad. First, I stopped dead to send some outraged, misspelled text messages, and then I ran home faster than I’d moved in years.

Tall, blonde, patrician pop star Taylor Swift is to me something like a cross-between a wife and a boogeyman. Bound we’ve been since we were really children. Time and its changes haven’t rid me of her, and what’s worse is I have never quite been able to wish they would, though I claim as much all the time. Countless hours of my one wild and precious life have been spent on endlessly analyzing the minutiae of Taylor Swift’s music, the mind that made it, the real world events which influenced it. And though all the while I have known she is only a person, and that people, while each strange and lovely in their own ways, are, in the end, mostly dull, needful in just the regular manner, the fantasy is better, the sick dream of a megalomaniac songstress, curious, thrilling, probably evil, and I choose that. I don’t know Taylor Alison Swift, born to this world in, I presume, the usual way. But my Taylor Swift? I’m a renowned expert. I’ve always eaten up stories—movies, music, celebrity news, the one my grandfather tells about falling off his bike once in Ireland as a boy and his face “cracking open like an egg”—like a starved dog. I’m obsessive about my interests, but not inclined to intense fandom, and certainly not fandom in the mode of the stan. For one, I’m too self-absorbed. But caring intensely for a famous person is falling in love with a ghost, and that’s all right—I mean, what the hell? We’re here together just dying... Let’s enjoy—but is an affair best undertaken with the knowledge that everyone alive has their own complex interiority, as unruly as your own, and that you, a stranger, are not in any real way connected to the lawless, blurry middle of that celebrity, and will never be. It’s freeing and fun to know this. I mean, these people are basically in your employ. Glamorous dollhouse dwellers. Acknowledging that uncrossable distance allows for a different, healthier closeness of pure imagination. My feelings, then, can comfortably be at once both fiercely intense and entirely silly. I am a foremost scholar in the art of the Taylor Swift who exists in my head. The real person raised in Pennsylvania I don’t know at all. I have some conjectures on the matter, and, as with all my conjectures, every hackneyed theory, each picky little opinion, I’m sure they’re perfect, brilliant, just absolutely right, but that’s still all they are. Taylor Swift, figure of the cultural imagination, is the Jodie Comer to my Sandra Oh in Killing Eve, annoying and pretty in frills, taunting me endlessly and holding us trapped together in a dance of most enchanting death. But the real Taylor Swift has favorite bed sheets and a social security number and a British boyfriend, none of which I have any desire to know about, and if I saw her at a restaurant I’d politely avert my eyes before, yes, dive-bombing the group text. There’s nobody on Earth I’d stand in line to speak to, but then I’ve been speaking to a certain figment of Taylor Swift for nearly half my life.

I went to a Taylor Swift concert the night before I moved into college in 2009. My father’s work friend, firefighter by day, near professional gambler by night, got comped tickets to the Fearless Tour stop taking place at the nearby casino, and he let me have them as a reward, mainly, for happening to be seventeen. Live in-person and performed acoustically, “Fifteen” made me cry. A few years after that, in the thick, sticky part of my first post-college summer, I wrote approximately twenty-three million words about her in these very pages.  (”Pages”) At that point, Taylor’s most recent release was 2012’s Red, and the work I produced that long ago July about Taylor and her career, writing I was fairly pleased with at the time, feels now, besides just being extremely clearly written by a twenty-one year old, strange to me for the way it favors the sweet over the sour almost uniformly. There is a wholesome kind of ardor in that writing which maybe I’ve outgrown the ability to hold. Or maybe Taylor just proceeded to spend the next half a decade plus releasing one bad single after another, and it was taste—and trespasses against taste—and not some shift in my nature which altered the tenor of our bond. I have real love for my particular image, gleaned from public statements and published art, of smart, bizarre famous woman Taylor Swift, and I admire the bulk of her output very much. I’m just no longer so inclined to fawn. This is not to say I am here to offer a Taylor Swift hate screed. I couldn’t swing it, and, anyway, I’m not a pop feminist-for-hire circa 2010. But we’re older now. Things are different. At twenty-eight, twenty-nine this month—Taylor will, also this December, turn thirty-one—I regard Taylor Swift warily, like an ex with whom you have a tentative friendship, perpetually on the brink of falling one way or the other into hatred or delight, only to wobble back the opposite direction again at the slightest provocation, but still, despite best efforts, even, I regard her all the time. 

folklore was released at midnight on July 24th 2020, but I was at a cabin in rural Vermont without Internet or cell service. I drank Bud Light seltzers with my mother while watching the eerie pandemic return of Major League Baseball, and when I got into a strange bed there I stewed, knowing there were people out in the world all over who were hearing Taylor Swift songs I never had, and that this was a fundamental wrong, a disruption in the balance of the universe. I listened to it the next morning in a Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot. 

And folklore is great. That’s the terrible thing. Slightly less great, maybe, than some people have insisted, tricked, I think, by just the pronounced shift in sound. But it’s great. A little gift I asked for a thousand times and was still surprised to get, like a wife who didn’t expect her henpecked husband to ever follow through and buy the paraffin wax hand bath as-see-on-TV. For years, I’ve been halfheartedly insisting that Taylor had a great album in her. I’d say it even, perhaps especially, while she stubbornly fed me gruel. Or worse, gruel with the occasional whiff of something better. With a ripe, little raspberry dropped into the slop. The bright, villainous thrill of “Getaway Car” made me believe Taylor, my Taylor, was in there somewhere under the lacquer of sequins and synth, which, while not objectionable by default, seemed a costume, and an ill-fitting one. The lived-in world of “Cornelia Street” made those old scars sting. That gay “Delicate” video. When she did “Call It What You Want” on SNL and played guitar while wearing an ugly sweater. If the abominable “ME!”, lead single off Lover, was the stick, 1989’s “Clean” was the carrot. I was Charlie Brown, and Taylor my Lucy, yanking the football back again and again. Over drinks I still yelled that Taylor Swift’s next album would be, “her Nebraska”, referring to my favorite Bruce Springsteen record, and learned to live with that egg on my face for good. I suppose I even came to like it. There was something inherently funny in taking up, like, “blind faith in the as of yet untapped greater artistic potential of massively wealthy and popular singer Taylor Swift” as my totally inane personal cause du jour, and eventually it was a bit, a gag I performed to be obstinate and didactic, but way down somewhere awful near my kidneys I meant it the whole while. And then she did it. A pandemic befell the world and amid a sea of human suffering Taylor Swift remembered she can write. She wrote, and with a massive, crucial assist from Aaron Dessner, whose music on this record is sometimes so beautiful it actually angers me, as the last thing I needed in already perilous times was to be made to try and marry my uniquely perverse emotional responses to beloved divorced dad band The National and fucking Taylor Swift,  she made an album which, if not her Nebraska, per se (I’ve come to realize that a major part of believing Taylor Swift will one day make an album I find as quietly devastating and gorgeous as Nebraska is knowing that no album will ever actually be Her Nebraska... That each will, rather, to me, be more and more evidence that it’s coming still, more proof that the limit is untouched, on and on ad infinitum, or at least until the seas take us into a place of salty peace.) is a shocking credit to all my hard-fought and deluded confidence. folklore is great. This fact has made me feel almost equally as disoriented from my understanding of the world as the time-melting COVID-19 lockdowns have, and it turned my Spotify year in review annual collective AI humiliation kink thing into a glaring indictment of my mental state, but still, I mean... It’s great.

In talking about folklore a bit this week, there are a number of specific topics I intend to cover—what a thrill it is to hear Taylor say “fuck”; Taylor’s terrifying birth chart; the astoundingly perfect bridge of “the last great american dynasty”; “because my ass is located at the back of my body”; the bit in last year’s “Lover” where deranged WASP Taylor Swift implies that to “leave the Christmas lights up til January” is some signifier of being a love-struck bohemian, when actually everyone who doesn’t employ domestic staff to take their lights down does this; how reputation is the best of the Taylor Swift records released in the latter half of the 2010s, actually, and the people who can’t see that are cowards—but intend mostly to let the muse move me where she will. Against the advice of my better angels, she—that tie-in marketing eldritch terror—always does.

[kassies-take]

A Page From Maggie’s Book

Can you do a Maggie Sawyer x best friend reader badass team up where reader is new to superhero work and decides to go on a ride along with Maggie to see how police handle threats or something? 

@healthtobination

A/n: Sorry it’s taken awhile for me to do this

Warning: Rape, violence

Maggie Sawyer x BestFriend!Reader 

Word Count:  1747

“Do I get a gun?” you asked after putting on bullet proof gear. 

Maggie scoffed, “you think I am going to give you a gun? That’s funny.” 

“It was worth a try,” you shrugged. 

“You don’t need a gun when you’ve got force fields.” 

“Are we going to stop a robbery? Car chase? Ooh a...”

Maggie chuckled. “You’re cute, I’m a detective officer not a patrol officer.”

“So what do you do?”

“First off, you don’t need this.” Maggie gestured to the bullet proof vest. “till necessary. Second detectives don’t have your typical police cars, we’re stealthy, we find information. Our ride is unmarked cars.”

“What information do you find?” You asked leaning against Maggie’s desk

“We find anything and everything about suspects, their high school, the clubs they join, the name of their family pet, their sister’s name, parents name, job, friends. Everything.”

“So what do we do now.”

“Research.”

You tapped a pen on your knee continuously. The constants ticks made Maggie look at you with a raised eyebrow. She rolled closer to the right side of her desk, took out a key and opened the bottom cabinet. The detective pulled out a thick beige folder and handed it to you.

“What is this?”

“Victims.”

“Victims? Of?”

“Look through them.”

The file revealed multiple women with rape at the bottom.

“All of these women were rapped?” You flipped though several pages.

“You’ve worked with Alex and Kara before, they both go way to fast into action. Punching their way into things. We go the whole way, we want the man responsible to rot in hell. We find evidence and we don’t hold back and we do it for them.”

“Kara and Alex catch the guy. Kara’s a reporter so she has to get evidence.”

“Most of the time, Alex or Kara catch the guys but they get away from lack of evidence. Little Danvers may have evidence but she does not get to control the jury, or how the other side uses the evidence.”

“Sawyer, come have a look at this.”

You followed Maggie down the hall. The other officer played a footage. A view over the city.

“Real-estate, so what.”

“Wait,” The camera flew closer towards a window. Past the window was a girl changing.

“This is disgusting,” you glared at the screen.

“We’ve got a peeping Tom,” Maggie crossed her arms.

“It gets worse,” the screen cut to a bed room corner showcasing the whole master bed room.

A blond millennial woman in a pink shirt and grey sweatpants, walked from what was assumed the bathroom towards the bed. Seconds later a man in a mask pushed her onto the bed. There was obvious signs of struggling from the girl. You turned away as the man ripped open her sweatpants and began thrusting into the woman.

“He’s not a peeping Tom, he’s a serial rapist.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat in Maggie’s passenger seat blankly staring at the the dashboard.

“Feet off the dash!” Maggie was as equally as pissed as your were.

“He clearly is the one in the video! Why can’t we use that?”

“We know it’s him, but for all we know it could be a man in a mask.”

“Ugh!!!!” You kicked at dash board. “You know what makes this more frustrating!”

“You kicking my car?”

“No, it’s that parents are more afraid of their kids being gay than they are of their kids being rapist or sex offenders.”

“At least your parents didn’t kick you out of the house.”

“You’ve got a point.”

~~~~~~~~~~

It has been a few days since you and Maggie saw those tapes. You were currently twirling your pen going over notes Maggie took home. You had refused to play any games, even when the rest of Superfriends told you it would be a good way to destress.

“Everything is a dead end right now.” Maggie sighed, explaing to Superfriends about the case.

“Did you guys talk to any of the victims?”

“Yeah we did, one of the ladies said he took her necklace.”

“Did he take anything else from them. You know beside this whole thing?”

“We’re looking through it now. We did find that he went to this coffee shop frequently.” Maggie responded.

“Any of the victims connect there?”

“No nothing. I’m gonna check it out tomorrow see if any of the employees notice him or look through cameras if they have any.”

“Bring me along?”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“I know this case is important but can we get on with the game?” Alex frowned.

You opened your mouth to say something but Alex stopped you before you could.

“I’m not being insensitive (n/n). I’m very annoyed and as pissed as you are. But the point of tonight was to get your mind off this and have a mental break.” She picked up the dice.

“Lena’s on her IPad going through projects, and Kara is writing an article.” You pointed your thumbs to the side.

Nia peeked over Kara’s shoulder. “Actually they’re sexting each other.” She sipped her wine.

“What now?” You peeked at Lena’s IPad.

“Little Danvers,” Maggie smirked.

“What! Let me have a moment with my girlfriend.”

“That moment better be CONSENSUAL!” You threw popcorn at Kara.

“Why are you only throwing popcorn at me! Not that I mind.” Kara popped a few piece into her mouth.

“Cause I expected it from Lena and not you.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“The workers say he comes often but doesn’t usually stay.” Maggie sighed.

“The other regulars say he just gets coffee and leaves.” You rested your chin on one hand.

“It’s not a dead end yet we can still check the cameras.”

The black and white video showed the suspect parking his car, walking into the coffee shop and leaving in the opposite direction. After several videos of the same action you and Maggie got up from your seats.

“Where ever he goes it must be in walking distance if he doesn’t take his car.”

“Mags... you know how in shows people rent out a storage unit to hide evidence or dead bodies.”

“Yeah what about it?”

“There’s one across the street.”

“Get ready with your shields.” Maggie pulled out her gun from her holster.

“We’re not calling for backup?”

“By the time backup gets here he could be gone.”

You followed after Maggie. Your heart beated against your chest. Clear honeycomb like patterns surrounded your two hands.

Besides a couple of people and a few boxes the units were sickenly quiet. The two of you reached a corridor with flickering lights. The circuit was either cut or it was done on purpose.

Your hands were shaking at the thought. Fear flashed across your face and the shields began to glitch. Maggie on the other hand pulled out a flashlight and sneaked with it over her gun.

Maggie slowed her steps as one of the units were opened. It was deserted yet filled with a twin bed, a few boxes, a blue bike, what seems to be a beaten teddy bear, water bottles, paper towels all lightened by a desk lamp.

“Dispatch this is 129F40, I’m gonna need back up at Studio Self Storage on Conova and Mar-”

A loud yell and a slam against metal met the officer and dispatchers.

“(Y/n!)”

Maggie joined kicking the man away after he threw a punch at your face. He was not giving you any time to recover and use your shields.

He moved his attention onto Maggie after you struggled to stand from the two head traumas you recieved. Maggie was good but he wrestled the gun out of her hands. He overpowered her and slammed her against another metal door.

Maggie pushed maneuvered her legs up against the wall and pushed him back against the other side. She threw punches.

You got up, crossed your arm on your shoulders and pushed forth a shield to move the man away from Maggie.

~~~~~~~~~~

“All officers and firefighters calling all back up, officer is in distress. Officer 129F40 is in distress.”

Dispatcher said over the radio. Alex immediately looked over at J’onn. “That’s Maggie’s number!”

They heard several grunts, as they immediately recognized Maggie and your voices. They also heard a whooshing sounds knowing that that was you and your shields.

Alex reaches towards her ear to activate the com.

“Kar-“

A gunshot echoed around the room before it went silent.

Kara rushed towards you and Maggie as she reached the self storage. She led the police and found Maggie sitting next to you. Kara rushed over scanning your body for the gunshot wound.

“She’s fine. She has a concussion and a few bad scratches.” Maggie said.

“A few? Her eye is swollen shut and her shoulder is dislocated, don’t forget to mention the other cuts on her face.”

You grinned at Kara. “We got him.”

Kara took a look further down the corridor and found a glaring bloody man with his hands cuffed through the bed frame.

~~~~~~~~~~

You sat on the bed at Luthor Family Children’s Hospital. You got most of the injuries from the first surprise attack. Your arm was in a sling and several bandages on your face. Maggie only had a busted lip.

“I can’t believe you two went in with no back up.” Alex scolded.

“To be fair, they did catch the rapist.” Lena said from one of the chairs. “And without the help of Supergirl.”

“What took you so long anyways Kara?” Alex looked over at her sister.

Kara turned red.

“You weren’t!” You looked between Kara and Lena.

“Well we still proved that National City does need police officers and detectives after all.”

“No we proved that Superfriends is a good team. Half of this duo doesn’t even get paid.” You were still upset. “But Kara could take a page from Maggie’s book, instead of ogling at Lena.”

“Hey!”

[yixxes]

Fast Car | p.p.

Warnings: Hints of alcohol abuse, promiscuity, broken household, angst kinda, swear words

Word count: 1752

Summary: You want to escape and Tom has a fast car, but things don’t always go according to plan. 

.

.

“Leaving?” 

You were never one to disrespect your mother or speak out of turn, but you were more than willing to fight her on this one. She was rushing down the hall as fast as she could in those loud, expensive red heels with you hot on her trail. 

“What do you mean you’re leaving, where are you gonna go?” 

The two of you stopped at the front door while she grabbed up her scarf and her coat. The look on her face threatened to break you down right then and there. She didn’t even look sad or remorseful, she just looked like she really waned to dart out the front door but was approaching her departure slowly as if delayed action would spare your feelings or make any of this hurt any less.

You racked your brain in a hurry, trying your best to figure out what the right thing to say was, but deep down, you already knew that your fight was lost. She hadn’t shown any signs of being interested in the small family that she had in months. She didn’t love your father anymore and she made that clear in the way that she fooled around with other men and didn’t even try to hide it, and you, she only paid attention to on the days where you’d talk her ear off until she felt she had no choice but to respond. Talking to her these days was the equivalence of talking to a bizarre friendly stranger. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” her voice was eerily sweet as if explaining to you that she was walking out on you and your father was no big deal. “I know this is so out of the blue, but.. sometimes in life, you have to choose your own happiness, you have to put yourself first and decide not to worry about the people that try to hold you back.”

Ouch. You didn’t know if that number was directed towards you or your father. Or both.  

“I don’t know where I’m going just yet, but I’ll call when I get there. I’m not gonna stop checking in on you, it’ll almost be like I never left.”

You shook your head, shoulders slumped and tears already welling up in your eyes. Maybe if you visibly showed her how much she was hurting you, she’d stay. Something inside of her would click and she’d apologize for being an unfaithful wife and an absent mother and she’d work really hard to make things right. 

“Please don’t leave.”

Except this was reality and your mom didn’t care about anyone other than herself. She wasn’t sorry for anything and you couldn’t prompt feelings out of someone that didn’t have them. 

Your mother smiled something that almost resembled regret. “I love you, sweetheart.” Almost. 

.

.

“I really don’t wanna talk about it, okay?”

Not talking about the thing that weighed heavily on your mind only to have someone bring it up or ask if you were okay was actually the worst thing. Tom had good intentions, you knew, but this was your second time telling him to leave you be and he just wasn’t accepting that as an answer, but hey, that was the Tom Holland way.

Thomas Holland, your best friend since childhood. He knew you like the back of his hand and while things were damaged beyond repair at the moment on the home front, he always made your life so much better. 

The two of you came from opposite sides of the tracks, but he never seemed to let the wealth of his family ruin his personality in the slightest. He stayed true to himself like a pro and really seemed rather put off by his lifestyle. You never understood it, but you never questioned him either. Much like your household, there were probably things about his that you just didn’t understand. 

You did know, though, that something must’ve been really bad for him to climb aboard your wild fantasies of running away. When he started telling you that he would go with you, whenever and wherever you decided to go, the fantasies converted into real plans. You didn’t understand his desire to leave what he had and you didn’t think you ever would.

Tom picked you up for work in the morning in his brand new car; A gift from his parents for no particular occasion at all. If you understood correctly, he’d spent two short weeks in his parents’ ear about it and they bought it for him just yesterday. He was now the proud owner of the 1974 Pontiac Firebird, Buccaneer Red and it ran like a top.

You didn’t have time to express your excitement before he got to badgering you about what was wrong. He knew right when he saw you that something wasn’t right (you had spent the rest of the night crying and looking after your father after all) and he wanted to help but you didn’t want his help. There wasn’t anything that he could do. 

“Okay, fine,” was what he said, but you knew that you’d be shrugging him off about it again later. 

Tom moved the conversation on to talking about running away, casual yet relevant seeing that it’d be a lot easier to get away in a car rather than on foot. With all that had happened last night, running away was far down on the list of things that were on your mind and it’d more than likely stay that way for a long time. Your mom didn’t just leave you last night, she also left your father who hadn’t stopped acting like a blubbering, depressed drunk since your mom’s behavior began to change earlier in the year. He had a problem and while it wasn’t directly resulting in anything physical or abusive, you couldn’t just leave him alone. He needed to get help and you seriously doubted that he’d be doing that alone. 

“What do you mean?” You were sitting in the car with him in front of the diner, watching him progressively get more frustrated at how aloof and disconnected you seemed about the entire thing. You weren’t giving him the responses he wanted and you weren’t even presenting a valid reason as to why not. “It’s a great time, I’ve got the car, I’ll get us some cash, we can-”

“Jesus, Tom, no, okay? Why can’t you just take no for an answer for once?”

There was so much room to be way nicer but the family crisis plus your two whole hours of sleep that you got did not equal patience and smiles. A sharp, annoyed breath passed your lips and you grabbed your bag, opening the passenger side door and sliding out quickly.

“Thanks for the ride.” You grumbled, pushing the door closed and turning to start towards the front door of the diner. 

You heard him say ‘no’ behind you followed by the sound of his door closing and you whirled around, willing yourself to think over your next few words carefully. You could be really hostile under these circumstances. 

“This doesn’t make any sense, getting out of this town is all that you ever talk about and now I find a way to make it happen and you completely turn me down!” 

“Tom, get back in the stupid car and go, I could not be more serious.”

“It’s not stupid, it’s cool, I thought you’d be happy for me!” Your words hurt him, but you were too far gone thinking about everything else to take it back.

“I am happy for you but I don’t need this right now, okay, I just wanna be alone!”

“Tell me what we’re missing, what are you so worried about, it’ll all work out if you let me-”

“No, Tom!” You practically shrieked. “It won’t work out, the stupid plan doesn’t need to work out, why do you even wanna leave!? Your life is something that other people could only dream of, you have everything, there isn’t anything wrong with your life, you’re just a poor little rich boy who wants to know struggle so bad that he creates fake problems that’ll validate some stupid runaway plan!”

There they were. The most hurtful words you’d ever say to your very best friend, painfully present and hanging in the air. The look on his face told you that it was much too late to take it back. The damage had already been done. Tom got back in his car and peeled off. 

.

.

“Hi, Mrs. Holland, um, is Tom here, I- I really have to talk to him,” Your body was almost as tired as your mind was, your feet were hurting and all you wanted was to go home and crawl into bed but you couldn’t sleep tonight knowing that he was probably so angry with you and probably hurting because of you, too. You had to make things right, or you had to at least try.

“Oh, honey, right now isn’t a good time, he’s gone to bed early tonight, he’s still very upset.”

Your head fell in shame and you brought your hands together in front of you. “Yeah, I know, I’m..” you picked your head up to look her in the eyes. “It’s all my fault, but I was really hoping that I could-”

“Your fault?” She questioned with confusion evident in her voice. “Oh, no, honey, why would it be your fault? He’s been digging his heels in ever since we told him he’d be going to boarding school next year, says he doesn’t wanna go, but we really think that-”

“Boarding school?” you repeated warily. There was a lot going on in your life that was making your thoughts fuzzy but you definitely didn’t remember him saying anything to you about boarding school. 

“Didn’t he tell you?” Her tone was patient yet cautious. 

You shook your head numbly, hoping with everything in you that this boarding school was somewhere nearby. 

“Sweetheart, Thomas was accepted to Western Reserve Academy.”

Your head was spinning so much thought you were going to fall out right there on their porch. “Western Reserve...” An involuntary gasp cut your sentence in two and you could feel your blood running cold. “Wh-where is Western Reserve Academy?”

She looked at you with sad eyes and you knew that her answer was gonna hit you like a ton of bricks. Nothing could’ve prepared you for what she was about to say.

“It’s in Ohio, up north in the US.”

.

.

[werevulvi]

This is a very long, ranty post that's only lightly edited. It's about me deciding to basically leave radfem, so I wanted to be thorough about explaining how and why. And this is mainly because my blog ended up existing in a radblr bubble, deemed as hostile by other ideologies/groups of people, and I need to break out of that bubble, because I feel trapped in it. I'm not sure how, as I may have to start over with a new blog entirely, but I'd hope to avoid that if at all possible (my blog is my baby.) So I'm thinking that making this kinda post is a good start in trying to change how my blog vibes and what kinda blogs I can interact with in a non-debate kinda sense. Basically, damage control.

A while ago, I made some post about how I wanted to move away from the worst rudefem stuff of radfem, for the sake of my mental health. Well, I've now hit a point of wanting to take further steps away from radfem, pretty much altogether. The main reason for this is that there's still too much focus on ragging on trans women, and trans people in general. It's suffocating me, because I'm not all that detrans and I'm not anti-male. I miss connecting with other trans people, and I miss being part of that community. Truth is I've become really fucking hateful towards my own kind and I've been in denial of it. This has been carving a hole in my heart that my radfem views have carved even deeper, and it has led me to become a quite lost soul.

Do I hate trans women? No, but I clearly act as if I do, and I don't feel comfortable with my own actions and thoughts towards/about them anymore. Are some of them cumbrains fetishising my oppression (misogyny) and/or predators? Yes, undoubtedly. But I am not a collectivist and I can't view all trans women like that. Nor does it sit right with me to treat them all as potential predators. I care about trans women in general, ultimately because I am trans too and their struggles reflect my own. I cannot shit on them without shitting on myself. But it's not just about me. I feel empathy for them, and I want to extend kindness and care towards them. I cannot with any goodness in my heart view them as men. Males, yes, but not men. More on that diffentiation later in this post.

I do not want to politisise their gender identities as women, because I don't want my own gender politisised, regardless if that is man, woman, or otherwise. (More on that later too.) I don't want to trap them in the category of "man" because I do not want to be trapped in the category of "woman" as if our transitions and gender incongruence meant nothing at all. Do our transitions change bio sex? No, and I'm not arguing that. I'm saying transition changes SOMETHING and that that something matters. And in a lot of contexts, it even matters more than bio sex.

But isn't that just an emotional argument, like boohoo, my/their feefees? YES, it's an emotional argument. But you know what: I believe that feelings matter, about as equally much as facts and logic matters. An argument being emotional does not make it necessarily useless or invalid. Grave robbery and necrophilia is illegal due to purely emotional arguments. Perhaps think about if that's useless.

I care about trans women's feelings and comfort, not just their rights, and I care about men's feelings and comfort too, because I do not think individual males' oppression being patriarchy's fault even remotely means that "men cause their own problems" because one male suffering at the hands of other men (patriarchy) is NOT his own fault. And him reaching out to women for help when other men fail him AGAIN shouldn't be hard to understand. Of course it's optional to help him or not then, but I feel like it is truly heartless not to, unless he is some kinda raging misogynist. I see that kinda vibe a lot in radfem circles and it honestly churns my stomach. That kinda man-hating is to me absolutely repugnant. You do you, but I will not support it.

Why do I care about males? Because they're human. They're the same species as me, and I care about them as one human to another. Because I don't believe there's any difference between males and females beyond the physical biology stuff. Socialisation varies from person to person. I've always been a person of principles, so I can't sit around and say I only care about fellow females and all females, because no one choses to be born female - and then in the same breath hate males for essentially having been born male, which they also did not choose. If I had been born male, I'd probably hate radfem, and that says something. It's very fucking lopsided, and barely even to my favour.

And I've been asking myself that a lot lately: Is radfem even to my (a bio female's) favour - or is it only the the favour of some kinda statistic average of a general female who doesn't even exist? I dunno, but it's an important question to ask.

This is getting ranty already, but hey I'm trying.

Trans women and males aside, radfem often has a kinda negative view of trans men (and any variety of dysphoric females) that I've always felt iffy about, but first thought I had been mistaken about. It seemed for a long while that radfem is totally supportive of transmascs/dysphoric females, but..... upon closer look, it appears a little bit rotten, sorry to say. Because lately I've come to realise maybe I was kinda right from the start that radfem really is not as supportive of transmascs/dysphoric females as it claims to be. This is probably not intentionally unsupportive, I'm aware, but some of the things that really stand out to me like sore thumbs:

1.) The idea that if gender abolishion happened, no one would be dysphoric or wish to transition medically, is frankly incredibly unfounded. Do you have ANY evidence for that dysphoria is ENTIRELY social, because I've yet to see any reliable study on this. As far as I'm concerned this is just a theory based on essentially the exclusion method that all the biology-based theories are incomplete. So this strong assertion that a genderless society would have no trans people (with sex dysphoria only) gives me this unsettling vibe that radfem is not at all supportive of transition, but would prooobably prefer it if no one was trans - even in a world where gender is abolished and transitioned females are masculine women who just like looking like males, and transitioned males are feminine men who just like looking like females, and I dunno dysphoric nonbinary people would just be men and women who transition in a variety of atypical ways.

Which was always what I envisioned. That no one would be FORCED to be feminine or masculine or anything, because of their sex - NOT that trans people would be forced or expected to accept their physical sex characteristics. Because I don't know about you, but I've personally never based my sex dysphoria on that it's too hard to live as a masculine woman, and I've met tons of other trans people who feel the same way about that. It's a myth about dysphoric trans people, and I think perpetuating it does more harm than good.

Feminism, gender abolishion, etc, probably can't cure anyone's sex dysphoria. And even just striving towards that is a little iffy. How about leave it up to the dysphorics if we wanna be cured? Because I bet most radfems would not wanna enforce a cure for autism if that became a thing, or strive towards curing the world of autism. So why do it with sex/gender dysphoria? Point is I'm just noticing these uncomfortable, kinda hidden anti-trans sentiments behind the gender abolishion idea. I'm FOR gender abolishion, but only if transition would still be available in such a future. But I'm sensing that's not what radfem is actually about, and I've been properly fucking fooled. If so... fuck you for that.

2.) Some of you operate on the false assumption that trans people never pass as the opposite sex. This level of intellectual dishonesty is skewing radfem certain arguments really badly, and makes them appear poorly thought-out at best, and impossible to implement in real life at worst.

3.) The idea that sex segregated spaces can be upheld in a world where some people pass as the opposite sex, is frankly ludicrous to me, if you think of how it would actually pan out in practice. If women's spaces became only ever available for bio women, and males spaces only available for bio men, I'd be banned from both, due to my own transition. (And why the flying fuck would I promote that? I'm not insane.) Because there is no way I can prove that my sex is female, most people do not even believe that my sex is female when I tell them, and I already get tossed out from women's spaces due to that I just look like a man.

People's failure to believe I'm THAT passable irl, is about as frustrating as people's failure to believe I'm actually female, and both those people's arguments on where I "should" go is entirely useless garbage. This doesn't only affect me, but a lot of trans people out there in the world. And then I'm probably more accommodating to this kinda drama, than what most trans people would even be willing to pretend to put up with. I am your faithful lapdog, yet I still get my teeth kicked in for being annoying. To which I have to ask myself: is this kinda martyrdom really worth it? Other trans people often see me as self-hating for being a radfem, and I'm sadly starting to see why.

And to then claim I could just use gender neutral spaces is frankly robbing me of MY female rights. To treat me as a threat to other women is very uncalled for, and yes... misogynistic. And to assume that male-passing females would be welcome in women's spaces in such a world is frankly laughable. Masculine women who have not even touched a vial of testosterone in their lives already have trouble being allowed in women only spaces that have harder rules on "no trans women allowed." This is anti-trans in a way which I cannot support.

If I am to be barred from women's spaces (which I am) because I look like a man, then I WILL use men's spaces. Because I refuse to be dehumanised and stuffed into a "trans toilet/locker room" for other people's convenience. The majority's comfort does NOT get to override my personal comfort. Especially considering men (in general) are not actually uncomfortable with my presense in their spaces, because I look like I belong there. So there is not even any damn argument to be made against me using male only space. This is not because of me wanting some kinda validation for how much of a "man" I "identify" as or whatever. This is about me not wanting to be dehumanised for my medical condition or for how I choose to treat it. Because yes, barring me from both men's and women's spaces does feel a lot like considering me sub-human, because my physical body is frightening, unsettling, gross, or otherwise inconvenient for "normal" men and women to be subjected to. Fuck that noise. I am just as much human and I deserve the same level of basic respect, and that should not be asking for too much. I will not sink below that bar. That's like telling a disabled person that they "have to" use the disabled space because their amputation (or whatever is their ailment) freaks people out, even if they're capable of using the regular men's/women's space despite their condition. So, I'd say barring trans people from both men's and women's spaces is actually rather ableist.

So how do I think that issue should be solved then? Honestly I do not have a solution. So I'd say skip the sex segregation of stuff like bathrooms and locker rooms completely (but keep it for stuff like sports and rape relief shelters) and let trans people themselves figure out which space suits them best, and only intervene in cases when they make a really poor judgement. The only other option would be allowing ALL females in women's spaces (yes, including fully passing trans men) and vice versa all males into men's spaces, but I'm extremely worried about how exactly passing trans people would be expected to go about proving they're going to the right spaces. So I'd say don't do shit until we have found a better (actually better) solution.

Because I can't sit here and say that trans women should never use the women's locker rooms, while I go showering butt naked in the men's locker room. That would be a very hypocritical double standard. Yes, I think passable and/or post-op trans women can and should be allowed to use women only spaces. Based on that I think passable and/or post-op trans men can and should be allowed to use men only spaces, but I do not think that is a perfect or ideal solution.

3.) There's just in general a lot of negativity towards medical transition and how trans people look; our desires, hopes, goals and our dysphoria. This feeds my self-hatred like fuck. Yeah I'd consider myself a rather strong person in general, but I'm not made of concrete, and I think radfem and gender critical thought has broken me down a lot, which took me a while to notice. I don't even know if the real reason I'm calling myself a woman nowadays is because my dream of being a man in ANY sorta sense (be it fantasy or reality) has become completely crushed. Yet I'm unable to truly be okay with being a woman.

Yes, I truly love my pussy, I'm fine with my reproductive ability (producing ova, chance at pregnancy) and in general I like that I started off on a female ground. I love that I have small hands and feet, and a relatively small frame. I really like my height, that I'm not very tall, but do tower most other females. So there's a lot I like about being bio female, and it's mostly things I can't change about my physique anyway. As for my curves, I seem to sometimes like it and sometimes not. I'm also okay with having cellulites and stretch marks. But what I'm NOT fine with about being female is being driven by estrogen, my body's natural gravitation and persistense towards re-feminising itself as soon as I went off of testosterone, having breasts, having less muscle mass than males, having a higher voice, having little to no body/facial hair, etc. I am not fine with being recognised as a woman, or having most female secondary sex characteristics, or lacking male secondary sex characteristics.

This does make me feel like although I'm actually fine with simply being bio female, I'm only fine with it on the condition that I get to look/sound/appear as close to male as medically possible. And does that make me a man in the bio male sorta sense? No, obviously not, but I'm starting to ask myself: Why the FUCK does it matter so goddamn much?! I am sick and tired of being a political pawn no matter where I go. I just wanna live my life.

And radfem discourse (as well as TRA discourse) is so goddamn far from real life it's honestly pathetic and destructive. Most people really don't give a fuck if I'm male or female, or if I have a dick or pussy. It's only really relevant for my doctors and my sex partners. But outside of those very specific contexts, I do like being open about my bio sex, because it just makes it easier to be open about my life, and I feel like that's a good reason to be open about it. However, being open about it solely because some people on the internet think people's bio sex is absolutely crucial info (outside of the context of sex/dating and docs) does not feel good.

I shouldn't feel pressured to be so open about myself, just to not feel guilty for how I choose to treat my dysphoria. I should not have to feel this guilty.

I think my opinions on gender are actually unhealthy for me. I understand more and more that people's opinions on gender are largely just based on their own personal experiences with whatever trans people they've stumbled across. There is no objective facts on what gender is and what it is not. If it's an internal identity or just social roles and clothing. If it's somewhat biological or entirely socially constructed. I feel like I've been arguing bullshit semantics that don't even hold water. I'm not saying that bio sex is changable or a spectrum or completely unimportant, or anything like that. When I say gender I don't mean biological sex.

I'm not saying that I'm not biogically female. I'm saying that just because I'm a female, doesn't mean I cannot also be a man - under, not another, but just slightly looser definition of man which is still connected to physical maleness - in contexts where it simply does not, and should not, matter if I do not fit someone else's definition of what a man or woman is. Because maybe semantics are killing discourse more than it's killing real life issues like human rights. Just saying.

But I dunno what I want with my gender or my label. But I think my realisation that I need to scrap my views and values in regards to gender altogether, and rebuild them from scratch... might actually quite likely change my sense of my gendered self (again.) Because you know what? My gender identity seems very highly influenced by my opinions of gender as a whole, and not just by my dysphoria. If I go by just my dysphoria, I think I would consider myself a trans man, which is why I guess I never truly stopped considering that... but my opinions on gender as a whole (women's rights, female liberation, gender abolishion, trans stuff, bio sex, etc) intervene and conflict with that, and makes me wanna be both a woman and a trans man at the same time, which I can't. So I end up being pulled in two opposing directions.

It's just that up until recently my opinions on gender used to matter more to me than tending to my dysphoria. And now I've come to a point where I don't think I wanna have that sorta prioritisation anymore, because it's having real bad effect on my mental health.

And I need to get very real with myself and ask myself if this really is the life I want. Upon knowing that I'm not actually comfortable with my own opinions, and their affects on my mental health is not actually worth advocating for female liberation, which I already know by now. Then my next step is to take a step back and try to consume less media from any and all sides of the discourse, and listen to my intuition again. Hear myself out. This might take a while, and in the meantime I'm just gonna have to say that my stance on feminism, trans stuff, women's rights, etc, is "under construction."

And as for my goddamn gender label... I'm half okay with pretty much anything right now. Transmasc, woman, ftm, trans man, dysphoric female, masculine/gnc/male-passing woman, etc, is all fine. It's not really about how other people label me anyway. How I label myself is the only thing that truly matters to me in that regard. That it's with self-respect, love and care... and not for political reasons.

I think that's just the thing. That I need to stop doing shit I'm not comfortable with just for political reasons.

With that said, I also wanna briefly touch upon other aspects of radfem that I find myself either no longer agreeing with, or just no longer caring about.

The sex work industry: I know it's bad. But I no longer care and I still might wanna become a sex worker one day. At least I wanna try it. Because no I don't want for sex to be personal, private or hidden. I feel like that's just not how I wanna express my sexuality. And sex is the ONLY of my passions I can in any way imagine turning into a job. Because it's the only one of my passions I never get tired of, and also never truly get obsessed with either. Sorry if the sex industry hurt you personally, but I kinda fail to see how that's my problem, or my responsibility, or how it would seal my fate. I don't wanna live my life after other people's problems, and I cannot learn from other people's mistakes (for those who chose it but still got burned.)

Watching porn, engaging in bdsm, etc: After having tried for a couple of years to heal my broken sexuality and to enjoy vanilla sex, I'm frankly giving up. Some say I'd have to go celibate and work really hard on my trauma for it to have effect, which... honestly I'd rather eat a bullet than do that. I saw a sexologist once last summer and oooooh BOY did that go badly! She basically told me I'm just kinky and need to work on accepting myself. That hurt a lot, and made me give up extra hard on psychiatry again (like it was the last drop again) but it made me realise that there just isn't any help for me out there. And that I'm also not willing to do anything drastic to change it on my own.

That what I want is to have a sex life that I enjoy. So... I'll go back to what simply works for me: bdsm sex. That's not entirely without some reluctance and hesitation, and I do plan on going about it in safer ways than I previously did. Like for example only doing it with people I trust and know well, use safety words, etc, as a bare minimum. I'm learning everything I can about safer bdsm practices, well before actually diving into it. But thing is that I like such extreme "kinks" that it's never gonna be entirely safe, and.... I guess I can't be fucked to care anymore, and I'm tired of even just hearing about the preachings of how bad hardcore bdsm is. Like yeah, I know it's bad, now shut up now and leave me the fuck alone to live/ruin my own damn life.

And as for porn: I never quite quit it, just reduced it by a lot. Again, not denying the harms about it, just not caring enough to change my habits.

Conclusions and wrapping it up: Basically, I've always been a Trauma Queen and I just wanna be myself again. I don't think my former views (more egalitarian/equality based rather than female liberation, and neither individualist nor collectivist) were bad or wrong, but rather that how I implemented them into my life and disregarded danger which was bad. Bio sex matters, but I think gender matters too, and the world is what it is. I have to accept that if I'm gonna have the slightest chance of living a happy life. I can't force myself to live according to feminist ideals for the sake of women in general, when those ideals smother my flame.

I cannot claim that either of the things radfem stand against are all inherently bad. I cannot claim that transitioning shouldn't be a thing, even in a perfect world, because I wanna bring my testosterone with me everywhere I go. I cannot claim that there's any "one road fits all" to happiness for all people, or all women. I cannot be a hypocrite who only values female lives when male lives are at core equally valuable. That has nothing to do with pandering to men. All it means is that I want a world where men and women can live in peace together, and if that's not possible, then at least I wanna live my own life in peace with myself, making whichever decisions I see fit for myself, and surround myself with both men and women who are respectful and decent people. I do not want to try to force my life to fit an ultimately flawed ideology. And all ideologies are flawed.

I'm flawed. We all are, and that is okay. Yes, I wanna strive towards happiness and some health and safety, but not ultimate health or 100% secure safety. Health and safety should not come at the expense of fun and happiness, if at all possible. Because I still need some amount of danger to find enjoyment in things, and I think having fun and getting bitter lessons is more important, than being healthy and safe. I've always thought that. It might just even be a core value of mine, and it does conflict with radfem values. What matters to me in life is in conflict with radfem values. I need to learn moderation and to balance fun with health, happiness with safety, and transitioning with reality. But what I do not need is to wingclip myself because of what matters to other people.

Radfem has taught me a lot of good stuff, it has made me aware of a lot of shit I didn't wanna know, but now it's time to move on and leave it behind me.

Please note that I do not mean to demonise radfem as inherently bad, fearmongering, transphobic, etc. It still has a lot of good points that I agree with. And I may still likely reblog and interact with radfem posts that I do feel are good and/or interesting. I just don't wanna lock myself to radfem as an ideology anymore. I do not think radfem is the ultimate truth, and I do not think there even is ANY ultimate truth to such things as gender.

I'm saying that I declare myself no longer a radical feminist because I am no longer dedicated to the cause as a whole. Not that it's suddenly all bad.

I wanna spread my wings and just be my problematic, true self... this sex-crazed, kinky tranny who deep down loves being a transitioned female, but also don't want for any female to suffer oppression simply because of how they were born, but also sees trans women as "women enough", values male lives and their opinions, etc! Whatever else I might think and feel which I haven't figured out yet. Instead of a forcing myself to become a perfect pawn for completely sex-based feminism.

I may adopt some of my old TRA views back, as well as some of my old libfem views. I will not limit myself to only one school of thought, ANY one school of thought. Please remember that if you're thinking I'm gonna go back to be a TRA libfem entirely, because that is NOT the case. What I'm breaking out of is the tribalism and extremism of radfem: the radical part of feminism. Because ultimately, that radical part of feminism, what I've been describing (perhaps poorly) throughout this post, is what's become suffocating for me.

I need to find myself again, beyond EVERY ideology that's telling me how I should think, feel and live my life. I've had enough of that shit. I need to think and feel freely, and live my life for myself.

Thank you all for your patience with me.

[babybirdgyeom]

you, me and bertha | pjy

genre: neighbors!au, farmer!au, lots of bickering and alcohol

word count: 30k

summary: when you moved to your uncle’s farm you expected a lot of things - but not to fall in love with your handsome, yet very annoying neighbor park jinyoung, whose favorite hobby was to tease you.

note: i posted parts of this before but never finished it - so i rewrote it all and here it is, the finished story! 

｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ

Walking the long but yet very pretty way towards the small village that, from today on, was supposed to be your new home you felt a bit indifferent. While you were sure that it was time for you to start a new chapter of your life you still were anxious about taking such a big step. Moving to the farm that belongs to your uncle seemed like a good idea to you, the place held such special memories and as a child you always wanted to live here, working on the farm, supporting your uncle and his son, Bambam.

The big city you grew up had nothing to offer you anymore – so now, you wanted a cut in your life. There was nothing you loved more than sneaking out with your cousin at night, secretly meeting up with your friends, going for a swim in the small, but yet very charming lake next to your house. You wouldn't trade those memories for nothing, cherishing each and every one of them.

It's been such a long time since you visited the town, you actually felt a bit nostalgic when you arrived in the center of the town. The residents liked to call the marketplace at the beginning of the town „the heart“ of the city. Ever since your last visit many years ago nothing has changed. Basically, it was a round and rather big circle, surrounded by a small café that has been there all your life, right next to it the library that was owned by the Kim's, the parents of Bambam's closest friend, Kim Yugyeom. You couldn't help but smile as you remembered how you used to hide in the library, reading the same few books over and over again. Opposite of the library was the old restaurant – every single rather important event was celebrated in that restaurant, may it be birthdays, anniversaries, New Year's Eve or whatever other reason there was.

It was so popular not only because of the delicious food they had but also because it was literally the only restaurant around. Your uncle and your neighbors, the Park's, were providing them with the food they needed, so you usually always got food for free which lead to you and Bambam spending a lot of time at the restaurant, no matter how often your uncle insisted he could cook dinner for you.

And last, but certainly not least, there was the little pub that you never actually were allowed to spend time in since you used to be too young. The Im’s, the owners of the place, were very strict about that. None of you and your friends were ever allowed to be inside the pub as long as you were minors – even their son Jaebeom rarely ever saw it from the inside.

As you stood in the middle of the marketplace you couldn't help but smile as the last sunrays of this warm late summer day were falling right onto the pub, making it look a bit more beautiful than it actually was. The paint on the outside was splintered and the sign that simply said ‘The Im’s Pub’ was slowly falling apart - somehow all of this gave it a certain charm though. The mentality of the village always made you feel comfortable. There were about 150 people living here if you had to guess and the next supermarket was a twenty-five minute drive away but the people seemed so happy, not worrying about a lot of things.

You decided that a short stop in the pub before you’d go home to your uncle’s house wouldn’t hurt anyone. After all, you were way too curious to finally see the place everyone always used to go after work ended.

As you carefully entered the door you felt cheerful - it looked exactly like you always imagined it to be. Most of the furniture was made out of old wood, the bar was long and it was the first thing one would notice as they came in since it was on the opposite wall of the entrance.

Your smile was a mile wide when you spotted the one man you hoped to find standing behind the bar. Of course, Jaebeom was the bartender by now, it was always his plan to work here, to him it seemed to be the coolest thing ever to be a bartender, especially in his own bar. For a second you studied him, he looked dangerously handsome. Certainly a lot taller than the last time you had interacted with him and his face looked more mature, a sharp jawline and high, defined cheekbones, his hair styled back making him look almost evil with the combination of the tight and dark shirt he was wearing and the nose ring shining in the light. If it wasn’t for the two moles under his eyebrow you would have to look twice to be sure it was the same Im Jaebeom you spent so much time with as a child.

The expression on his face as he recognized you, the young lady from out of town, was priceless - his whole relaxed and cool facade vanished immediately as he looked at you with his eyes wide open, a questioning glance as he saw you. He was caught off guard, his mouth slightly open.

“Just the man I hoped to find. Im Jaebeom, you look good,” you flirted as you walked towards the bar, “I’d like to have one beer please.”

Within seconds he was walking away from his place behind the bar to come and embrace you in a tight hug before mustering you, shortly studying your face to make sure you were really the person he thought you were.

“(Y/N), live and in color? I thought you forgot about us,” he joked cheesily, his hand holding your chin.

A joyful laugh came out of your mouth as he walked back behind the bar, opening both, you and himself, a beer.

“You could’ve called, you know? No need to surprise me like this. My old heart can’t take those kinds of surprises anymore.”, he sounded lighthearted, just like you remembered him.

Immediately you felt ten times lighter, clicking with people you haven’t seen in a long time was one of the purest things in existence and you were more than relieved to see that you and Jaebeom were equally as excited to be reunited after such a long time. Not getting along with your old friends, especially Jaebeom, was one of the many fears you had about moving here.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think Bambam would actually keep quiet about me coming back.” you admitted.

“How long has it been since we saw each other?”, he asked as he was leaning against the bar, his whole attention on his former best friend, still having an obviously hard time to believe that you were actually sitting in front of him right now.

Before you could give him an answer someone else started to talk from behind you and you immediately recognized his orotund voice, “Six long years.”, your cousin said while he and another familiar face walked up to you.

Bambam pulled you into an even deeper hug than Jaebeom did and you felt home within seconds. Yugyeom was right beside him, of course, where else would he be than next to Bambam? The two of them still were inseparable apparently.

“How did you manage to not say anything?” Yugyeom said in shock before looking at you, “It’s good to see you again, (y/n). I can’t believe Bambam didn’t tell us.”

You were almost amazed at how much he grew, his chin could easily rest on your head by now, something that you would’ve never thought could happen. Yugyeom has always been the youngest and smallest kid back then and now he was the tallest in the room.

“I wasn’t sure if she’d actually come. Didn’t want to get your hopes up, Yugyeom,” he teased his friend, still nagging about the crush he had on you when you were five years old. Yugyeom rolled his eyes at his comment before bringing his attention back to you and Jaebeom, sitting down on the stool beside yours.

“So, how long are you going to stay?” Jaebeom asked suddenly.

For the first time, you actually had to say the truth out loud, making it feel much more real.

“I’m not planning to leave again,” you sounded more confident than you thought, the nice encounter with your old friends almost making you feel like you had nothing to worry about.

There was a moment of silence, both of them not knowing what to say, broken by Bambam when he let out a laugh.

“You know, I never saw you speechless until now,” he said amused.

“You mean-”, Yugyeom started to form a sentence but dropped it, not knowing how to continue.

“You’re moving here?”, Jaebeom asked, wrinkles on his forehead as his brows narrowed in confusion. As you slowly nodded his concentrated expression vanished and changed into a grin. “You’re actually moving here.”, he repeated breathlessly, more to himself than to you, slowly nodding to himself as if he had to progress the new information, “Welcome home then, (y/n). Let’s celebrate a bit.”, he said while pouring shots into a few glasses in front of him.

Time went by fast and you had fun learning about what happened in the last six years. It didn’t sound like a lot has changed though, they were still as close and as fun to be around as last time. Every time you looked at them it hit you how fast time flew by, it felt like a few months ago that all of you were playing hide and seek in the middle of the night while your parents had no idea you sneaked out. Those teenage boys were adults now, or at least on their way to becoming some.

A few hours and many shots later, you and Bambam walked home, the night sky was breathtakingly clear and full of stars - a sight you could never see in your hometown. You forgot how special it felt to walk under millions of stars.

Walking home with Bambam was your favorite part about today, you definitely missed him the most. He told you a bit about how Jackson and Mark are thinking about taking over the old restaurant because the owners are getting too old to manage everything and about Yugyeom and Youngjae being into the same girl, without knowing that Mark is dating her secretly.

As you arrived at home your uncle was sitting in the rocking chair on the porch in front of the old farmhouse.

“Uncle Minwoo,“ you almost shouted out as you saw him, jogging over to where he was sitting.

Minwoo always was your favorite uncle and you were his favorite niece, much to the dislike of your siblings.

“(Y/n),” he laughed as you hugged him, “you smell like you had a good time in the pub.”

“We actually have a small surprise for you,” Bambam told you to follow him.

He lead you to the old little cottage that has been on the farm for as long as you were able to think – back in the days it was mainly used for storing tools and electronics that shouldn’t be exposed to the rain. A bit confusion coming over you, your uncle handed you a key and you opened the small hut. Stepping inside, you couldn’t believe your eyes.

“Welcome home,“ your uncle said as you observed the comfortable room. A small kitchen, a couch and a TV in the living room, a bed on the other side of the room. They painted the walls white and decorated a bit, making you feel touched. You were sure you could stay here forever, it looked so cute and welcoming, like a real home. Not a thousand words could describe how much you appreciated them for putting in so much effort, just to make you feel comfortable.

As you thanked both, Bambam and your uncle, you sat down and all of you talked a bit until your uncle told you to go to sleep. Work wouldn’t wait for you and you were thankful for any second of sleep you could get.

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Waking up the next morning, you immediately regretted the alcohol you were having yesterday. Your phone said it was currently six in the morning and while being woken up by the sound of chicken and cows was way more relaxing than your alarm clock you still would have preferred to just sleep in.

Walking outside a few minutes later you inspected the farm – it was a giant property with two big houses on it. Half of the farm belonged to your uncle, he took care of the animals, the other half belonged to the Park's, in charge of the harvest.

Starting the day with feeding the chickens and collecting eggs was one of the easier tasks you had to face today since it almost didn’t require any kind of skill. While you were picking up another egg you suddenly heard someone scream at you from behind.

“Hey! Put the eggs back! Who in the world steals eggs these days?”, the deep voice belonged to a man but before you could turn around to find out who was screaming at you, he held your wrists behind your back, not giving you any space to move.

Your attempt to free yourself was almost embarrassing, you had no chance.

Turning your head around to scream at the stranger you muted as soon you met his eyes - the words you wanted to scream wouldn’t come out as you looked into the familiar face of his.

His thick eyebrows were furrowed, his dark eyes were piercing you, filled with a mixture of anger and annoyance - he was staring at you and waiting for an explanation.

“Par-,“ your voice died and you fastly cleared your throat, “Park Jinyoung?”

His annoyed expression changed into a confused one as you called him by his name. You couldn’t believe he was accusing you of stealing eggs.

“Let go of me!” you demanded but Jinyoung wasn’t planning to listen to you.

“Who are you?”, he asked harshly, “You’re not from here. How do you know my name?”

The grip on your wrists became tighter and actually started to hurt a bit.

“I’m (Y/N). Minwoo’s niece,” you replied just as harsh as he asked you, “Didn’t Mrs. Park teach you any manners?”

He let you go and you immediately grabbed your own wrist just so he couldn’t grab them again. A small pout formed on your lip as you looked at them, trying not to let him see that it actually hurt.

“What are you doing here?” he asked you.

Now you were facing him and you had to stop for a second to take in his beauty. As he was holding you, you didn’t really manage to study his face since you were too busy trying to free yourself but now you started realizing how handsome he became.

It's not like he was ugly before, you and him just never clicked and that’s why you never gave his face any kind of attention. Jinyoung wasn’t a bad guy, you knew that because Jaebeom repeatedly assured you that he was actually a very loving person once you get to know him. Personally, you just never really got the chance to, since he definitely wasn’t interested in anything that had to do with you. Not in a mean way though, he just didn’t seem to care about the girls in town, especially not the one who always came over the summer break and then left again.

Glowering at you, he was waiting for an answer. You, on the other hand, didn’t dare to look him into his eyes, instead, your eyes were studying the rest of his face. His features were sharper and manlier now, his brows thick but he still had the same wrinkles around his eyes. For a second you wanted to look at his lips but you stopped yourself, not wanting him to get wrong ideas.

“What are you doing here?” you asked in retund instead of giving an answer, “Didn’t you always say you wanted to leave this place?”

He rolled his eyes as you avoided his question.

“I asked first,“ he said, making it hard for you not to chuckle at the very immature conversation you were having.

“I am working here. Don’t you have some vegetables to take care of?” you asked coldly before turning your back to him.

“You better get used to my face, if you scare me like this one more time I might have a heart attack.”, you added as your attention back to feeding the chickens.

But instead of leaving Jinyoung was walking to stand right beside you again, “You’re working here? How come?” he asked. It never was a secret that Jinyoung wanted to leave this town, he used to talk about it a lot back then already and, even though he still was here, apparently, he still wanted to leave.

“I’m supporting my family,” you shrugged, not looking at him. You really didn’t want to be cold to him but you were tired and you knew how Jinyoung was, he’d either be totally rude or uninterested.

You could see him shake his head in confusion as you were continuing with your work, “Okay, you go milk those cows and churn that butter if this is what fulfills you, (y/n). I’ll go back to work,“ he pointed at the field of tomatoes on the other side of the farm your families shared and left you alone again.

Walking over to the cows, you couldn't help but wonder why he still was here. He was a very clever guy, he could easily go and leave this town to study and open a business or whatever it was he wanted to do. Glancing over to him one more time, you tried to milk the cows.

The field of tomatoes he was currently working on was not too far away but luckily far enough to give you a bit of privacy. He seemed to be very invested in picking the best tomatoes he could find, a concentrated glance on his face. And you really should try to concentrate too, since you haven’t milked a cow in years.

But you failed miserably. To your desperation, no one was around when you went looking for Bambam or your uncle to help you. Trotting back to the cows you sat down on a small stool in front of one them, giving it another try.

You groaned at the cow, laying your head back and closing your eyes in frustration.

“Just give me your stupid milk, please,” you mumbled while taking a deep breath, your eyes still closed.

“Are you sure this is the right job for you? If you can’t even milk Bertha maybe you should reconsider,“ Park Jinyoung’s voice startled you, making you jump a bit. The grin on his face clearly was teasing, full of satisfaction because you were struggling, “Do you need help?”

“Please,“ you didn’t care about the triumphing grin on his face, you were more than willing to take his offer. Any kind of help was good. And in the end, you didn’t dislike Park Jinyoung, you just weren’t close to him.

He nodded before telling you to wait for a second as he walked towards the little shed. Coming out again he held a strange looking machine in his hand while attaching it to the cow’s udder.

“We haven't milked them by hand for years,” he explained to you as he took your wrist once again, this time more careful though, and slightly pulled you towards the cow’s udder, right next to him. “Watch closely, I’ll show you once and if you can’t follow, you’re on your own,” his words sounded harsh but you didn’t take them that way. The fact that Jaebeom was his best friend was something you two had in common and if Jaebeom wanted you to give Jinyoung a chance you would do that. For Jaebeom, but also for you. After all, Jinyoung was your neighbor and, in addition, he was a handsome man, you wouldn’t mind being able to look at his face whenever you wanted at all.

You saw the way he acts around the guys and you saw that he indeed had a very soft heart, maybe he just had a hard time showing it.

“Hey! Are you even watching?” he asked annoyed while glancing at you, “I know how to do this, I am not the one that has to learn. I’m being nice here, don’t waste my time.”

You chuckled a bit at him losing his temper so easily. “Yes, Jinyoung, I’m watching," you said grinning, “Wasting your time was not a task on my list today.”

After he rolled his eyes at you you could swear you saw a small smile on his face, “You’re really annoying,“ he insisted while starting to milk the cow.

You tried to concentrate on how exactly he does it, what movements his hands made and so on but you kept on finding yourself thinking about how good his hands looked – what in the world was wrong with you? It's not like you've never seen an attractive man before so you had no clue why your hormones were playing a game with you.

After you started to try milking the cows yourself you felt more than relieved that you actually managed to do it right. Letting out a small ‘thank god’ under your breath you realized that Jinyoung still stood right beside you, watching your every move.

“You know, you can go back to the toma-,” you started to say before he interrupted you in the same moment.

“Just a tip for you,“ he said, not sounding cold for the first time, “Don’t dress up for farm work. You’ll ruin your clothes. You can still wear cute outfits after you’re finished here. But while working just wear something old,“ he said as he was just about to turn around before you had to take the chance to annoy him one last time for now.

“You think my outfit is cute?” the grin on your face was wide and you were way too amused.

As a response he gave you a death glare, knowing that you’ll probably never stop teasing him about it.

“Please don't,“ was all he could whisper frustrated under his breath.

“What a softie you are,“ you said, playfully poking his upper arm, “Didn’t know you had that in you.”

He let out yet another sigh, sounding almost whiny, “Are you always this awful?“

“Dear diary,“ you said in a nagging tone, “Today Park Jinyoung gave me a complim-”

Before you could end your sentence he was covering your mouth, shaking his head in disbelief slowly, “I’ll go back to work, (y/n). Don’t forget to churn the butter. The wooden pitcher we use for it is in the shed,“ and with that, he walked back to his side of the farm again.

Just a second before he arrived he glanced over to you again, screaming so that you could hear him, “I didn’t compliment you okay? Don't let it get to your head.“

Waving at him from the shed, you nodded your head. “Sure. Talk to you later! Your outfit looks cute too by the way”, you screamed back. Maybe working next to Jinyoung wasn’t so bad after all, if he was always such an easy target to provocate you'd at least have your fun.

When Bambam came into the shed with the tools to take over a few hours later, you were churning the butter, cursing under your breath. Sweat was dripping all over your forehead and it was seriously tiring, every single muscle of your arm hurt. You weren’t sure if you could manage to do that on a daily base. At least you wouldn’t have to worry about a gym membership anymore.

Your cousin stared at you confused, a sly grin in the corner of his mouth, “What exactly are you doing?“

“I’m churning the goddamn butter. Why is it so hard?” you complained while looking up to him. He was holding two beers in his hands, handing one over to you before starting to laugh at your action.

“Why would you use that old thing for that? We have a machine that churns it for us,“ he laughed, “I don’t know why we even still have that old thing.”

“Fucking Park Jinyoung,“ you cursed under your breath, leaving Bambam even more confused.

“You met him?” he asked while sitting down in the hay beside you.

“I did," you hissed, “He was the one who told me to do it this way.”

Bambam’s smile grew wide as he tried to contain his laughter, “A typical Park Jinyoung move.”. He almost sounded satisfied that you were getting fooled by him, “He likes you if he teases you.”

The only response you could give him to that was an eye-roll, “Well, that’s not a very nice way of showing it,“ you took a big sip of the beer, knowing that you probably deserved it for all the teasing earlier, before continuing, “You didn’t tell me he became handsome though.”

Bambam’s eyes widened immediately as you confessed and you could tell he was trying not to spit out his drink out of shock. He fastly swallowed, “You have a crush on Park Jinyoung?”

You shook your head scoffing, lightly kicking his leg, “A crush? How old are we? I just think he’s very attractive. But he was pretty rude though.”

Bambam pressed his lips together in a thin line, looking into the sky, „His father died two years ago. He became a bit cold since then. But he opens up sooner or later, just be patient with him.“

You gulped at the news, “What a sad loss, Mr. Park was such a ray of sunshine, always ready to help.”

Bambam nodded, “He was. Olli was only six years old when his father died. But dad took a lot of care of them since then.”

There was a short silence. You still remembered little Olli, Jinyoung’s younger brother. The last time you saw him he was barely two years old.

“I can’t believe he’s your type though. I thought I really wanted to set you up with Yugyeom,“ Bambam broke the silence before you could think about it any longer, almost offended. You laughed at him. He was close to Jinyoung, you knew that, but he always wanted you to date Yugyeom, only for the purpose of having him as an official family member.

“That won’t happen, Bam.”, you broke it to him, much to his disappointment.

A deep sigh came from him, “Well if you want Jinyoung so bad, come to the pub with us. I bet he’ll be there too tonight. We are meeting at eight. What do you say?”

“I don’t want him, I simply said that he is good looking.”, you hoped he wouldn’t tease you all the time about this from now on, already starting to slowly regret that you even brought it up in the first place. And as much as you would like to go out to the pub with the others you had a date with your bathtub that you wouldn’t want to miss for anything else tonight.

“I’ll pass though. I’ll come next time,“ you promised, standing up and walking towards your door.

“I can’t wait to tell Jaebeom that you and Jinyoung are going to become a couple. How exciting!” he yelled after you, making you laugh out in frustration. Sharing your opinion on Jinyoung’s look with your cousin probably wasn't the best idea.

It fastly got dark outside and you were lighting the candles in your bathroom, the bathtub slowly filling up with hot water. Exactly what your muscles needed after churning the butter all afternoon. Putting a bit of milk in the bathtub, you wondered if you had some honey in the farmhouse by any chance. As you wrapped the first towel you could find around your body, you wanted to hush over to your uncle’s house to check. But what stopped you from your plans was a shadow you saw walking past your window, making you freeze until someone rang your door.

Opening it, no one else than Jinyoung was standing in front of it, his work clothes traded into sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, a basket in his hand and his eyes fixed on your exposed legs. The towel you were wearing luckily covered all of your breast and bottom but that was about it. And, as if it couldn't get worse, it also had a lot of fairies on it - it used to be your favorite towel when you were about five years old. Still, you didn’t need Jinyoung to see you wearing it.

“Jinyoung?“ you asked him, unsure why he was visiting but he was still looking at the exposed parts of your body, not doing a good job at hiding the fact that he got distracted by your legs. You barely noticed though because your thoughts wandered to this morning. “How dare you not telling me that we have a machine for the butter? Are you crazy?” you raised your voice at him.

“My arms hurt so much,“ you added, too tired to fight him so you decided to whine.

Coming back to reality, he laughed at you, his eyes now looking at your face, “You seriously did it all by yourself?”, he was lucky the wrinkles around his eyes were so cute whenever he laughed, otherwise you would have killed him right there, “You must be pretty strong then.”

This time it was your turn to give him a death glare, “What do you want?” you asked him annoyed before you saw his eyes wandering down to your legs once again.

Not missing out on the opportunity to nag him, you chuckled, “Do you like my outfit?” as you struck a small pose, you had to be careful not to expose any parts he shouldn’t see.

Rolling his eyes he handed over the basket, “Seriously, you’re so annoying.”

You grinned, thinking it’s quite funny how easy it was to annoy him, “But you still think I’m cute, so it doesn’t matter.”

There definitely was a smile hidden on his lips that he tried to hide at all cost, but you could see it reaching his eyes, “This is for you. My mum put your favorites in it. Tomatoes, cherries, peaches, blueberries. She asked me to bring it to you,“ the man said, trying to sound as uninterested and unbothered as possible.

“That-“ you started to say, feeling very touched about the little gift but a bit confused as to why Jinyoung brought it to you, “That’s so nice of her. I’ll come over tomorrow and thank her.”

He immediately focused on you again, “No, it's fine. I’ll tell her. She’s kind of sick at the moment, she needs to rest, Olli is not even letting me go near her because he doesn’t want anyone else to get sick, so I doubt he would let you come over.”

You mustered him suspiciously but decided to leave him be, you surely teased him enough for today and didn’t want him to actually dislike you.

“Alright, Jinyoung. Thank you,“ you gave him a soft smile as you were about to close the door.

“Wait,” he stopped you before you closed the door and you waited for him to say something, “Are you planning to go to the pub later?“ - if you didn’t expect him to ask one thing than it was this one. Why did he care suddenly?

“I don’t think so. Churning that butter has really worn me out, you know?” you said, laughing lightly, “And my bathtub is already waiting for me.”

“Oh alright. That’s cool. See you soon, I guess,“ he said before awkwardly giving you a small smile and leaving again. What a strange yet interesting guy he was.

Something about him made you look forward to your future on the farm. But before you could let it get to your head, you were interrupted by a text from no one else than Jaebeom.

[Jaebeom, 22:29]

Glad to hear you're getting yourself a man! Jinyoung and (y/n), how sweet.

You let out a small laugh before finally meeting your only date for tonight: Your bathtub. Though you had to admit that the handsome face from next door was coming to your mind every now and then.

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After a week you slowly got used to the daily work on the farm, your body was finally starting to react differently, your arms weren’t getting as sore anymore and waking up early was bothering you less and less. It was a sunny Saturday which means you had to gather all of the stuff your uncle wanted to sell on the market the next morning. Picking out the best eggs, milk, wool and cheese was pretty boring, especially since Bambam left early because he was going on a date tonight with some random girl you never heard of. But since you wanted him to be happy, and also because his teasing about Jinyoung was slowly but surely making you go insane, you told him it would be okay if he let you work alone today. It took you about an hour until you were finally done with carrying all of the boxes into your uncle’s car as you saw Mrs. Park, Jinyoung’s mother, and decided to help her quickly, she looked like she was struggling.

His mother was a beautiful and lovely lady, always has been. Her black hair was long and even though there were a few grey strands in it by now she still looked as young as ever.

“Mrs. Park, let me help you,“ you shouted while jogging over to her, “Where’s Jinyoung? Letting his mother carry all the heavy boxes of fruits and vegetables alone is not a nice thing to do,”, you disapproved, one box already in your hands.

She let out a laugh and you were reminded of how warm her laughter was, it sounded like the giggle of a small child.

“It’s fine, I told him to rest for today. He always works so much,” she let out a worried sigh, “I’m very thankful, I know helping me on the farm was not what he wanted to do with his life but he does it for me.”

You never really thought about it that way before - this might explain why he’s still here despite always hating the small village he was born and grew up in, it was probably hard for him to leave his family behind after losing his father. While carrying a box full of blueberries you ate a handful, not able to hold back. The Park’s blueberries have always been your favorites, none of the ones back at home could compare to the juicy fruits you'd get here.

“You still love blueberries, I see,” She hummed joyfully as she was carrying the last box to the car.

“I am obsessed with them,” you answered, “Oh- I still wanted to thank you for the little basket full of fruits you send to me. I was in heaven, your peaches were even better than I remembered.”

Mrs. Park looked at you in confusion for a second before getting a grip of the situation, the confusion vanished while a different kind of expression came to her face, unable for you to read at first.

“So he can actually be charming,“ she mumbled to herself with an almost mischievous smirk and within seconds you knew exactly what she was talking about.

Scoffing, you wondered why Jinyoung wouldn't just admit that the little basket was a present from him, not from his mother – who would do something so sweet without wanting to let the other person know? But then, on the other hand, you knew it wasn't like Jinyoung to play the nice guy.

“Mum,” you heard his voice while he walking out of the door to their house.

When he saw you he froze for a second, “Oh, hey, (y/n),“ he said with a slight and not really convincing smile, it almost seemed forced.

You nodded towards him, ready to go back to work and leave them alone, as his little brother came running outside, chasing after Jinyoung.

“Jinyoung,” he let out a scream as he tried to jump on his back. He was surprisingly tall for an eight-year-old, almost managing to get to Jinyoung’s shoulders if he jumped high enough, “Can I come with you? Please?”

Before Jinyoung could answer, Olli’s attention was shifted somewhere else. Or better said, on someone else. To be precise, you caught his attention, the girl standing in front of his mother and brother, a stranger he’s never seen before.

“Who are you?” he asked curiously, studying you exactly, “Are you the niece of Minwoo?”

You kneeled down to be at an eye to eye level with him, shaking his hand, “Yes, that’s me. I’m (y/n). It's nice to meet you.”

He had a big grin on his face, “Hi, I’m Olli,“ after introducing himself to you he turned around to his big brother, “Did you make the basket for her?”

Jinyoung shushed him within a second, giving him a warning glance before trying to cover up his story, “Yes, I did it because mum asked me to.”

She let out a sarcastic laugh, making fun of her son, “Sure, Jinyoung. It was totally me asking you to do that.”

A heavy sigh fell from Jinyoung’s mouth before shaking his head in disbelief, “Where is your cousin? He promised he’d help me picking up our new couch.”

“Oh, I am afraid he forgot. He’s on a date right now,“, you informed him.

Jinyoung let out a heavy sigh, rubbing his temple, not believing that Bambam completely forgot about him. Now even more frustrated, he started mumbling, “It’s always the same with this kid.”

“I’ll help you,“ you volunteered determined, not even bothering to ask him first, knowing he’d say no anyway, “I’m done with work for today and I don’t mind coming along.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll go alone,“ he insisted, clearly mad at Bambam, before walking over to his car. Not caring you decided to follow him, hoping that he’d be nice to Bambam if you helped him instead, even though you had little hope, considering the fact you were talking about Park Jinyoung but it was worth a try.

“Stop being so stubborn,“ you said to him as you opened the door and sat down inside the car, “Just accept my help.”

And much to your surprise, he did accept it, not bothering to start another discussion with you. Maybe he was just too tired of the constant bickering going on between the two of you.

As the two of you drove out of town the sky looked like it was painted in golden colors, the sun slowly setting but the air was still warm, brushing the arm you held out of the open window.

“Where are we even going?” you asked the obviously bothered boy beside you.

“It’s not far away, the dude I’m buying the couch from lives like twenty minutes away,“ he answered, his eyes glued to the street, „You really didn’t have to come. I could’ve easily done it alone.”

Slowly but surely, you were starting to get mad at Jinyoung. You couldn’t tell why his constant attitude was getting to you but it did. Of course, he didn't have to like you and honestly, maybe you did go a bit too far with the teasing but after all, you were neighbors, co-workers and also shared the same group of friends. Being nice to each other was the least you could do.

„Dude, you’re the worst. Can you keep quiet for once and accept help? Stop being so rude all the time, being nice every now and then won’t hurt you, you know? You can take your bad mood out on Bambam later.”, you snapped at him, not even intended to sound so mean but it just happened.

He peaked at you, his eyes grew wide in shock at your rant. Even though your voice was still low he clearly heard the frustration in it, “What do you mean? I am being nice all the time. I told you that you shouldn’t wear your good clothes to work in. That was a piece of nice advice I gave you for example.”

You scoffed at him not knowing if he was being serious, “You also attacked me because you thought I was stealing chicken and made me churn butter.”

He chuckled amused as you brought the churning up, “I still can’t believe you did that.”

“My arms still hurt. You’re an asshole,“ you rolled your eyes, not in the mood to put up with Jinyoung being, well, himself, when you were just being nice, “If that is your interpretation of being nice I’m beyond sorry for your future girlfriend.”

“Hey, now you’re the one being mean,“ he said, acting offended and honestly, a bit confused, not knowing why the two of you were fighting. You weren't even mad at him, you just felt fed up, craving at least peace between the two of you.

“Well, maybe you just need a taste of your own medicine,“ you shrugged, calming down a bit as the discussion started to become more playful than serious.

But before you or Jinyoung could fuel the fire and add anything into the it, you let out a small scream as he was turning right with full speed, making you feel like you were about to crash, holding onto the seatbelt for dear life.

“For fucks sake, where did you learn how to drive? Do you not know that you’re supposed to slow down before turning?” you asked him, gasping for air.

“If this is already scaring you, I’ll give you the nice advice to not drive with Jaebeom.”, he laughed out loud as he parked his car in front of a big house, “Ready to use the strength in your arms built up from churning butter?”

It took you about twenty minutes to carry all the parts of the couch from the third floor to the trailer on Jinyoung’s car. When you were done it was beginning to become dark outside and the weather was cooling down, making you shiver a bit. All done, you sat back inside Jinyoung’s car as he was securing the trailer so you could drive back home safely – or at least as safe as a ride with Jinyoung could be.

“If you’re cold there’s a blanket on the backseat, I'll get it for you,“ he screamed from outside before coming getting inside the car, a blanket in his hand, “See how nice I am? So caring, not wanting you to freeze to death.”

You shook your head amused, „What a gentleman you are.”

The drive home was more peaceful, no discussions this time. You looked outside, seeing a big and bright star in the sky, pointing to it excited.

“I can’t get over how beautiful the starry night sky is here. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it,“ you mumbled, almost sounding dreamy, eyes glued to the sky. It wasn’t even completely dark outside yet, but the first stars were already sparkling brightly.

“Isn’t it the same in your hometown?” Jinyoung asked a bit perplexed as he looked over to you, wondering how you could be so excited about some stars.

“Not at all. The big city lights drown them. You can barely see some, and if you can, they are not as bright as here.”

“I suppose Ilmon isn’t all bad.”, he shrugged, his glance wavering to the sky every few seconds.

You hummed in agreement, “Except for this terrible guy living next to me I quite enjoy my time here.”

He chuckled, enjoying the little game you two were playing, „Must be really hard to live right next to such an attractive young man. I bet you have a hard time.”

Laughing, you were impressed at his wittiness, “Don’t think too highly of yourself.”

Before you could let him answer your favorite song suddenly started playing in the radio, making you turn up the volume instantly, “You need to shut up now. This is my all-time favorite song.”

But of course, Jinyoung didn't shut up. He did the opposite, trying to sing along as loud as he could just to ruin the song for you – and he had way too much fun doing it.

“I didn’t know you could sing,“ you said, giving him an approving look.

A smirk formed on Jinyoung's lips, “I'm a man full of surprises.”

The rest of the drive the two of you were singing along to the radio loudly, having genuine fun together for the first time since you arrived. It was nice to see him loosen up a bit, even though it was only a small step.

Driving up to the farm, you already saw Bambam sitting on the porch. He immediately stood up, walking over to the car, already apologizing without you really arriving yet, “I’m so so sorry mate. I completely forgot. I owe you a beer next time we go out.”

Jinyoung chuckled as he turned the engine off, “Doesn’t seem like his date had a happy ending, considering he’s home already.”

“Good for me,“ you shrugged, “I’m way too tired to carry the whole couch inside anyway.”

You were the first to get out of the car, making Bambam narrow his eyebrows in confusion.

“What are you doing in Jinyoung’s car?” he asked suspiciously.

“I’m doing your fucking job, Bam,“ you shot him a mean glance.

As you were walking towards your home you were stopped by Jinyoung holding your arm, making you turn around.

“Thank you, I suppose,“ he said, pressing his lips together, obviously feeling awkward, “Just trying to be nice.”

You gave him a genuine smile, “No problem. Sleep well.”

“You too, (y/n).

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Waking up a few days later you were almost shocked to see today’s weather. Yesterday the sun was still shining while today it was pouring like never before. The sky was dark and grey and your whole farm seemed quite sad, making you wish you could just stay in bed all day, just being lazy, reading, eating and maybe fantasizing about a certain someone.

Checking your phone you saw a text from Bambam: it’s going to storm today, you have to make sure all the animals are in the barn and safe, please. i’m getting food for tonight. see you later, favorite cousin.

You immediately threw on a thick cardigan and brushed your teeth, hurrying to get things done before the weather got even worse. Looking in the mirror you scoffed for a second at your sad reflection - your hair was in a very messy bun and your under-eye circles were almost black. But there was no time to pity yourself right now, you could do that after work.

After you fed and, of course, petted the chickens and made sure that all the windows were closed tightly you ran over to the barn where the cows and goats were in. Your clothes were completely drenched even though the way between the barns was very short, the heavy rain was so strong that there was no way you could’ve stayed dry.

Entering the barn your eyebrows narrowed as you saw that the light was on and the food for the cows was already laid out.

“Uncle Minwoo?”, you screamed loudly, the rain was so loud that otherwise, no one would hear you.

“Oh thank god, there you are,“ the owner of the voice was coming out of the little shed you kept your tools in, throwing one of the milking machines over to you. You barely had time to catch it because Jinyoung was throwing it without caring if you’d catch it or not.

“What are you doing here?” you asked him skeptically as you sat down to the cow next to the one he was currently milking.

He glanced at you with an annoyed expression on his face - but only until he saw how wet you were from the rain. Right then, he bursted out into laughter, “Why are you not wearing a raincoat for fucks sake?” he asked you, enjoying the sight in front of him a little too much.

“I don’t even own one,“ you admitted a bit hesitant while shrugging, knowing he’d make even more fun of you.

And of course, he did.

“How can you not own a raincoat? Seriously, (y/n), you’re something else. Who on earth doesn’t own a raincoat?” he shook his head in disbelief, still laughing.

You simply pressed your lips together, coming back to your actual question, “But why are you here? Certainly not because you wanted to help me.”

“Hey, maybe I’m not as bad as you think and just wanted to be friendly for once?” he said, acting offended, “Since you’re always complaining.”

“Yeah, I doubt that,“ you answered.

Suddenly you heard a loud thunder outside, making you jump - you usually were not afraid of thunder but the sudden loud noise startled you for a second. What really scared you though was the reaction of two of your cows, immediately after they heard the thunder they let out the deepest and loudest sounds you’ve ever heard of them. They sounded terrified.

Jinyoung immediately jumped up from his stool and walked over to Bertha, the small brown cow, petting her face.

“Shhhh, it's okay,“ he tried calming her down before looking over to you, “I’m always here when it storms. Bertha and Marnie are deadly afraid of the thunder, so I accompany them. It calms them down.”

For a second you thought he was fooling you but before you could say something another loud thunder was heard followed by loud sounds of the cows once again. God, you weren't sure if you ever could get used to the sounds they made.

“Wait,“ you interrupted confused as you saw Jinyoung pet Bertha once again, giving her a small kiss on the side of her face, “You’re serious?”

He looked at you with a grin, “Of course I am. Go, pet Marnie a bit. She loves getting pets right under his chin, she’s such a lovely cow.”

You did as he said but not really trusting him yet.

“I didn’t know he had feelings, Marnie, did you know?” you asked the cow sarcastically.

Jinyoung chuckled, shaking his head, “I only have feelings Marnie and Bertha.”

Bertha was walking away from Jinyoung to the hay he just put down for them to lie down for a bit, something you barely ever saw them doing,

“When I first looked into Bertha’s big brown eyes I fell in love.”, he stated lovingly, petting some of the other cows while Bertha was still lying down, „Her eyes are just too pure.“

“That’s adorable.”, you had to admit, “Didn’t expect that from you.”

He scoffed at your remark, “Are you aware that just because I’m telling you you’re stupid because you don’t own a raincoat or work on a farm with a goddamn Gucci shirt doesn't mean I'm an asshole? That’s my way of helping.”, he said confidently, “You just seem to not know exactly what to do, so I’m trying to help.”

„You're still being mean while doing it,“ you insisted, not giving in.

“Whatever,“ he walked over to Bertha, who was resting on the ground, lying down next to her, “Just go inside and relax, I’ll take care of the cows.”

“No way,“ you sat down next to him, “I’ll not leave you alone with my cows. I don’t trust you.”

Of course, that was only an excuse to spend some time with the pretty boy from next door but he didn't need to know – his ego was big enough already. Both of you were now starting to relax slowly, leaning against Bertha, petting her every now and then.

“So, farmer girl, how do you like it here?” he asked you after a few seconds of silence, seeming to be actually interested in you for once.

“It’s nice,“ you shrugged as he was peaking over at you, “I like the fact that I finally am allowed to go into the pub the most.”

“I remember when we first were allowed to go in, it was like Harry Potter seeing Hogwarts for the first time,“ he remembered laughing, “and now we’re the ones that get drunk in there while the younger kids are jealous they can’t.”

“Some things never change, right?“ your eyes darted to Jinyoung, who had his eyes closed and seemed to be truly relaxed in your presence for the first time since you arrived. He was using his arm as a pillow, a smile on his lips - for once a genuine smile, not the usual teasing one he gave you. The rain was pouring so hard onto the roof of the barn it sounded like applause. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself, exhaling a breathy scoff through your nose, not believing that Jinyoung actually had a soft side.

“What's so funny?“ he asked curiously, still with closed eyes.

“I just love the sound of heavy rain.”, you said, also getting into a comfortable position and closing your eyes.

Jinyoung let out a hum, agreeing with you before yawning, “Me too. It’s cozy.”

Your eyelids started to feel heavy, you didn’t have much sleep last night and your body was shivering a bit because of your wet clothes. Jinyoung was snoring lightly beside you within a few minutes and before you knew it you were asleep too. You wouldn’t have expected the barn to be such a comfortable place to sleep in.

The sound of someone calling your name, you couldn't quite identify who it belonged to yet, woke you up. As you were slowly starting to realize where you were, you were just as perplexed as Jinyoung, who was still beside you, seeming to just have woken up too, according to his dreamy gaze.

“Did we fall asleep?” he asked you, yawning and stretching his arms from his body.

As you looked up, Bambam was standing in front of both of you, confusion was written all over his face, “What the hell are you two doing in here? How do I keep finding you two together?”

Jinyoung shrugged, sitting up as you were doing the same, “What does it look like? We obviously fell asleep.”

“Okay but why were you here together in the first place?” he asked, a smirk on his lips, “Did you make out in front of the cows? They are too young to be exposed to such wild and unholy behavior.”

Chuckling at his remark, you rubbed your eyes a bit, “Don't be noisy, please. I’m having a headache.”

“You two are just too cute,“ he teased a bit before telling you the reason he was looking for you in the first place, “Dinner’s ready. We’re having some meat with different salads and corn. Feel free to join us, Jinyoung, your mum and Olli are there too.”

“I don’t know,“ he replied, a little unsure, “I still wanted to meet with Jaebeom and Jackson later.”

Bambam narrowed his eyebrows, “Why didn’t you ask me to join, you jerk?”

Jinyoung laughed at Bambam, standing up, surprisingly offering you a hand to help you get up from the ground, “I’ll eat dinner with you and then you can come with me, alright?“ he proposed to Bambam.

Your cousin agreed happily and the three of you walked over to the big house Minwoo and Bambam lived in.

“Did you find her?” your uncle screamed from the kitchen as he heard the door open.

“Yes, I’m here,“ you shouted back as you took off your shoes.

Walking over to them, Mrs. Park was surprised to see her son, “Oh, Jinyoung. How lovely that you’re here,“ she smiled as cute as always, “Where have you been?”

Both, Jinyoung and you felt a bit awkward telling them where Bambam found them, not wanting anyone to get a wrong idea. But, of course, your annoying cousin was faster.

“They were sleeping in the barn together,“ he smirked as he told your family, enjoying every minute of it, “You two seem to get along better by now.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes, “We were literally just taking care of the cows.”

You nodded, “It’s not like we met to take a nap in the barn.”

Uncle Minwoo and Mrs. Park both giggled a bit at the bickering between their families,.“Stop teasing them. They are already flustered,“ she said lightheartedly.

Everyone sat down on the table as your uncle brought the food to the table. It smelled like you were sitting in a restaurant and you could feel your mouth watering as you saw the food.

“Thank you for letting us eat with you,“ Jinyoung politely said.

“Oh, Jinyoung!” Minwoo exclaimed joyfully, “You’re always welcome. We’re like family.”

He nodded thankful as all of you started eating. The food was truly delicious and the conversation was nice, all of you participating in it, talking about current events and life on the farm.

You weren't sure if it was because your families were there but Jinyoung was unusually nice to you, not even nagging you once. He passed you the salt when you asked him to and he even asked you about your job back at home.

It was a nice evening and you cherished it, knowing that it probably was a once in a lifetime experience to have a normal, peaceful conversation with Jinyoung in the same room as you.

About an hour later you started walking from the big house to the small hut and even if it only took a minute or two Jinyoung walked right beside you, not leaving your side. Maybe he truly wasn't as bad as you made him out to be – the two of you might have had some difficulties but thinking about it now he seemed to open up to you more and more. As the two of you stood in front of your door, you fiddled with your hands, not knowing how to react to being all alone with him.

“Don’t let Bambam drink too much tonight. I need him to be fit tomorrow. It’s my day off,“ you joked.

“I promise to stop him if he drinks too much,“ he smiled brightly, the wrinkles around his eyes showing slightly, “I’ll see you around?”

A scoff escaped your lips before you could hold it back, “Considering the fact that you can look inside my living room from your window I think so yes.”

And with that, he started walking towards his house but even after he was gone you still couldn't stop smiling.

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The few next weeks were pretty unspectacular, working on the farm was part of your everyday life by now and your work was a routine, knowing every small step of it. But still, today you woke up with a smile plastered on your face - it’s not like anyone besides Bambam and Minwoo, maybe Jaebeom, would know it’s your birthday today but you still loved your special day. It didn't matter that no one would know, you were quite happy that to everyone else this day would be just another day. You, on the other hand, had tons of self-care plans for tonight.

The first thing you did that morning was checking your phone, happy to see that your friends from home - or more like what used to be home to you - thought of you and send you very nice birthday greetings full of love, telling you that they missed you. In no time you got up and dressed to go over to the main house.

“So, what do you want to do today?” Bambam asked you as you had breakfast with him and your uncle. Despite you telling them that they shouldn't worry about you, they still made you some scrambled eggs and cut a lot of the vegetables from the Park’s farm, Bambam even managed to go to the heart of the city to buy some buns for all of you.

Stretching yourself, tiredness still washing over you, you thought about Bam’s question, “I actually don’t know, I thought I'd just do some sheet masks later and watch Netflix,” you said shrugging before eating a piece of cucumber, “Why? Any ideas?”

“Why don’t you invite your friends over, (y/n)?” your uncle suggested but you’d rather not. The problem with inviting people over is you can’t leave early since they are literally at your own place and you'd never kick them out, not wanting to be unfriendly.

“No way, I don’t even think most people know about my birthday. I’ll stay lowkey about it,“  you denied your uncle's request, just wanting to have a nice night on the couch after you took a long bath - an ideal night for you, “Why don't we have a movie night?”, you suggested to your two family members but they didn’t seem to show much support to your idea.

Uncle Minwoo immediately stopped you, “I’m not letting you stay at home with your old uncle and cousin on your birthday.”

“I’d love that though. We hadn’t had a movie night in a long time,“ you pouted, hoping to convince your uncle despite knowing you had no chance against him.

“Bambam, take her to the pub, alright?” he instructed his son who was currently not listening to the conversation and instead was texting someone.

“Sure,“ he agreed with his father before looking up from his phone, “I’ll take you to the pub later, (y/n). No discussion.”

So a few hours later you found yourself in your small bathroom, putting on a real full face make-up for the first time ever since you moved here, you almost forgot how pretty you could be.

Bam said to make sure that you looked your best since a lot of other people would be there, including the girl he ‘sometimes takes out’, as he liked to call it.

Even though you were still not fully in the mood, you started to warm up to the idea of going out as you got ready. In the end, you knew it wouldn't hurt to doll yourself up and go out every now and then - and maybe, just maybe, Jinyoung would be there too.

Bambam picked you up from your place at around eight in the evening, the sky already pitch-black.

“Hey birthday kid,“ he said lovingly, “I didn't know you could look this lovely. I bet Jinyoung's eyes will fall out when he sees you.”

Throwing him a glare that was about to end his life you were ready to hit your cousin if he wouldn’t stop mentioning your attraction towards your neighbor. You prayed he didn’t tell Jinyoung about it, his ego was big enough and you didn’t know if you could survive if he’d become even cockier. Jinyoung knew how handsome he was and that he could probably get just any girl if he wanted already so you didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

“I’ll kill you if you don’t shut your mouth,“ you threatened him even though you knew that nothing could stop Bambam's teasing ever.

Arriving at the Pub, you couldn’t help but grin like an idiot - all of your friends were waiting inside, a whole booth decorated just for you. Jaebeom was the first to welcome you, hugging you tightly, “Happy Birthday, princess,“ he almost whispered into your ear before the other people were waiting for their turn to congratulate you.

Jackson and Mark were there, including Mark’s girlfriend, that you hadn’t met before. Yugyeom, of course, was there and even gifted you some sunflowers, “Those are my favorite!” you told him excited, to which he replied that he knew.

Bam introduced you to his almost-girlfriend and she seemed to be a nice girl, almost as tall as him, with cute glasses, short blue hair and a nose ring that she pulled off like no one else could, not even Jaebeom. Speaking of him, you noticed a girl sitting next to him and you made a mental note to ask him about her later on – you bet she was more than just a friend. And last but not least Park Jinyoung was standing in front of you, trying to look cold and unbothered like always, but his eyes were sparkling a bit, giving away that he wasn't as cool as he wanted to be.

“You’re here!” you gasped, genuinely excited to see him, “I feel honored.”

He shook his head joyful, “Don’t let it get to your head. Happy birthday, farmer girl,“ for the first time ever Jinyoung hugged you, and you hated to admit that it felt quite comforting - the hug didn’t feel awkward or forced at all, he even had his hand on your head, right in your hair.

Jaebeom and Bambam, who were standing behind Jinyoung, were inspecting the hug you shared, drawing hearts with their fingers in the air for only you to see as you turned almost as red as the Park’s tomatoes.

“(Y/n), we got a present for you! Come on, sit down,” Jackson happily ordered from the table and Jinyoung let you go, way too early for your liking, but you weren’t complaining – you appreciated what you got this far. As you sat down beside Jaebeom, Jinyoung sat right next to you, pretty close since you were sitting on a small bank with five people.

The booth was decorated with a paper chain that spelled “Happy Birthday”, a few presents were waiting for you on the table, right next to many glasses and several bottles of alcohol.

“This one is from me, Jackson and Youngjae,“ Mark said excited, handing you a present. Opening it you couldn’t help but pout at their heartwarming idea: They gifted you a framed picture the four of you when you were little, you were maybe around three to four years old.

„God, we were so small,“ you chuckled, studying the picture.

Jackson smiled wholeheartedly, “There’s a little wheel on the side that you have to move,“ he explained and so you did - as you turned the little wheel more pictures of your friends and you appeared, all of them from different years.

“I love it,“ you smiled at them, “I'll find a special place to display it, I promise.”

“Open our’s next,“ Jaebeom said, an untrustworthy smirk on his face. “It’s from me and Bam.”

Just because you knew the two of you too well, you didn’t trust them at all.

“I bet it’ll get also a very, very special place at your home,“ Bam assured you and you just knew at that point they probably got you something very stupid.

And they did - you let out a deep breath, shaking your head in disbelief.

“Thanks, I really needed that,“ you said sarcastically as you hold the box of the vibrator they gifted you in your hand.

Both of the boys bursted out into laughter, making you sigh, „You think you're so funny, don't you? How old are you? Fourteen?“, you snipped both of their foreheads but still, a chuckle managed to slip out. Not really because you thought the present was funny but more because the boys were so amused by their own idea.

“We know the nights get lonely here,“ Jaebeom said, still laughing like a teenager, “Much fun with it. Just call Jinyoung if you need any help with it.”

“Yeah, no, thanks, I think I can handle that on my own,“ you quickly responded before anyone else could join their nagging, “I really need a shot now. Otherwise, I won't be able to deal with you.”

Jaebeom immediately poured a round of shots for everyone, “To our little (y/n).”

All of your friends clinked glasses and downed the shot. Within a few hours, one shot became quite a few, too many to count them. Bambam and his girl were making out heavily in the corner of the pub – much to your disgust. While you were happy for your cousin you still could imagine better things than seeing your family member's tongue in someone's mouth.

Jaebeom, you, Youngjae, Mark and Jinyoung were currently playing a card drinking game that you not only never heard of before but was also killing you at a fast pace.

“(Y/n), your turn,“ Jinyoung glanced at you, raising his eyebrow – his cheeks were red and the sloppy smile on his face gave away that he also was at least a bit intoxicated by now, “Red or black?”

That was the whole point of the game, basically the only rule. You had to say a color and if the card didn’t have the color you had to take a shot. Youngjae said it was the best game to get really drunk really fast, and boy, he was right.

“Red”, you answered or to be exact, mumbled since you had a hard time pronouncing your words clearly by now.

And, of course, luck wasn’t on your side - as Jinyoung turned around the card it showed black. “Jinyoung,“ you let out a whine as he laughed, “I literally cannot drink this shot or else I’ll throw up.”

Your head was turning and your stomach felt warm and tingly, a part of you suddenly felt playful and giggly, which was pretty unusual for you. Looking at Jinyoung you felt something deep down in your stomach – the way his rather long hair fell into his face and his tanned skin was glowing was a beautiful sight. God, you really wanted to blame it on the booze but deep down you were aware that you were just fooling yourself.

“You’re no fun,“ he almost whined before taking the shot, “I’ll take it for you since it’s your birthday.”

“Oh, what a gentleman you are,“ you nudged him.

“Just trying to get drunk,“ he shrugged laughing before downing the shot as if it was nothing.

Your glance waved over to Yugyeom, who was maybe the drunkest, his eyes slowly closing. “Yugyeom!” you poked his upper arm, not sure if you should laugh or be concerned, “Are you passing out?”

“Hmm?” he responded, trying to open his eyes but failing, “Oh no. I’m just taking a nap.”

You peeked to Jinyoung beside you, questioning him what to do, “Are you going to babysit him?”

He scoffed, “That isn’t my problem to deal with.”

About two hours later you decided that it was time to go home, having to admit that you did have fun despite wanting to stay home at first. You thanked everyone and grabbed your bag.

“What about you?” you asked Jinyoung who was sitting on his phone, texting someone with his eyebrows furrowed, “You’re staying?”

His eyes met yours as he looked up from his phone, “No, I’m walking you home. Give me a second.”

You decided to wait outside, in need of some fresh air to sober you up.

Slowly, you started to walk towards your home, knowing Jinyoung would be able to catch up in no time. And he did, of course.

“Oh!” Jinyoung looked at you with wide eyes as he arrived by your side, before opening his bag, looking for something, “It’s your birthday!”

“No shit, Sherlock,“ you responded unimpressed at his sudden realization, walking through the little city at night, still not used to how beautiful the stars were here, „You just got that now?“

“No, wait. I actually got you something,“ the boy mumbled and you thought you heard wrong for a second. At least until Jinyoung handed you a box, a rather big one.

“Are you serious?” you asked surprised, suddenly feeling shy. This morning you were convinced he didn’t even know it was your birthday but now he was standing in front of you, with a present that was neatly wrapped in yellow wrapping paper.

“Don’t make a big deal out of it, please,“ he rolled his eyes as you two walked through the dark night, only a few lanterns on your way home, “Just open it. It felt wrong not to get you anything. I mean, we’re neighbors now, and also co-workers.”

Your arm nudged him, playfully asking, “Maybe even friends?”

His laugh seemed to be even louder and happier when he’s drunk, “Says who? You wish!” before immediately adding, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Maybe even that. Now open it. Let’s sit down.“

Your neighbor gestured at the bank on the side of the way, a few steps away.

He took out his phone to turn on the flashlight so you could see, sitting dangerously close to you. “Why didn’t you give it to me earlier?” you asked him curiously.

“You know, I gotta keep my cool reputation in front of them,“ he joked.

“Ah, can’t let them know that you have a crush on me?”, you blurted out, trying to flirt, knowing you would never say those things if it wasn’t for all the shots you drank earlier.

“You’re a pain in the ass,“ he mocked you a bit, “Will you please just open it now? There are a few smaller things.”

As you ripped open the wrapping paper you let out a laugh, impressed by his first present, “A raincoat? I could’ve seen that one coming.”

“I still can’t believe you don’t own one. Look underneath, there’s also a shirt you can use for work so you won’t ruin your good clothes,“ he said, almost proud of his idea and it was adorable.

The shirt was grey and oversized - and also, there was a picture printed onto it. Jinyoung let out another laugh, covering his mouth with his hand to stop him from laughing harder, before you could see what was on it.

As he shined his flashlight on the picture you were not only extremely amused but also very amazed that he did that for you, even though he obviously was trying to be funny, you genuinely liked it - the picture was a selfie of Jinyoung, giving a thumbs up, right next to his favorite being on this earth, Bertha. Underneath the picture the sentence ‘(Y/n), you can do it. I hope.’ was written in big letters.

“You’re seriously the worst,“ you joined his laughter, wondering how in the hell he got this idea. The atmosphere was almost friendly – a new step for the two of you. Not that you didn’t like him before, you just thought that he didn’t like you back.

“I think you’ll look quite good in it, (y/n),“ he smiled proudly, definitely satisfied with himself.

“You’re such a flirt,“ you said sarcastically.

The last gift in the box really got to you though - it immediately brought back a lot of memories, cherished ones, of your childhood. An overwhelming rush of sentiment came over you as you couldn't believe your eyes.

“Jinyoung, I,”, you were looking for the right words to say but none came to your head, “is it what I think it is?”

“If you think it’s your old music box that played Somewhere Over The Rainbow over and over again, then it is, yes,“ he replied, playing it cool as if it wasn't a big thing.

You totally forgot about it until now, back in the day you always used to play it before going to bed, falling asleep immediately to the soothing sound of it – back then it didn't matter where you were: you wouldn't fall asleep without the petite woodbox playing your favorite song.

“Where did you even get this?“ you asked him, gulping.

“Oh, Minwoo gave it to me to calm the cows on thunder days,“ he said amused.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,“ you chuckled, still inspecting the music box. It seemed to be even prettier than you remembered it.

“Do you like it?” he asked, turning towards you, “I know how obsessed you were with it as a child so I thought you’d like to have it back. The cows didn’t like it anyway.”

Your eyes met his, not knowing what to say. He was so cool about it when to you, this might be one of the most meaningful presents you've gotten in a long time. The fact that he even remembered how in love you were with this music box and how thoughtful of him it was to give it back to you. Slowly you put the box down, still feeling a bit overwhelmed. It was probably stupid, for him it was just a simple present and you were overreacting, right? But still, it was so much more than you would’ve expected. Especially from him

“I love it, Jinyoung,“ you assured him, the wrinkles around his eyes deeper than you’ve ever seen them before. “Thank you so much.”

Before he could say something to ruin the moment you wrapped your arms around his neck and buried your face in his collar. It took him a few moments to realize what was happening, a hug was something he didn’t expect at all, but it did feel nice. His arms carefully found your waist and hugged you back.

You could see how red his cheeks were as your hug ended but for once you decided to not tease him, not wanting to ruin a genuinely nice moment. The two of you didn’t have those very often.

“Shall we go home?” Jinyoung asked softly as he stood up, waiting for you to join him.

The two of you were walking for a while, way slower than usual. It might be the alcohol in your veins or simply the secret desire to spend some more time together, alone and outside of the farm.

“Be honest,“ you started carelessly, it almost sounded like you were singing it, “You do think I’m cute.”. Looking up to Jinyoung you saw that he was smiling and didn’t seem to care about your teasing anymore.

“I do think you’re cute. That doesn’t make you less any annoying though,“ he replied, his tone almost playful. As you were walking your shoulders were lightly brushing every now and then, a rush of excitement going through your body every single time.

“Now you be honest. You were totally checking me out when you saw me on the day you moved here,“ he countered, the conversation light.

You let out a small scoff, “I maybe would have if I hadn’t been to busy trying to free myself from your grip since you thought I was stealing your chicken,“ you snapped at him and Jinyoung let out a laugh at that memory. Even though it wasn’t long ago it felt like years, considering how much your relationship developed since then.

“Your turn. You would’ve gone home sooner but you were waiting to walk me home,“ the vibe Jinyoung gave you told you it was okay to dig a bit deeper.

“Now you’re just being overconfident, (y/n),“ he laughed and you thought about how his laugh is so different than his mum’s. His mother's laugh was light and charming while his laugh was deep and full of joy, almost bold and loud.

“If you say I’m wrong you’re lying,“ you insisted while looking up to the beautiful night sky, not letting loose. Even though you were a bit cold you didn’t really care, you could walk and talk for a few more hours without complaining.

“I never said you’re wrong,“ he answered quietly, now more soft and serious, “But don’t let it get to your head, I know my mum would kill me if she heard that you had to walk home alone.”

“You’re so in love with me dude, how gross,“ you joked, not able to stop your usual nagging. By now it seemed like that was Jinyoung’s and your’s thing somehow. It was an open secret that there was something between the two of you, whatever that was. Maybe, you and Jinyoung were still denying it but your friends weren't completely wrong when they talked about your relationship to each other.

“I really don’t know if I wanna shove you off this bridge or kiss your annoying ass,“ he stated shamelessly, trying to sound annoyed but his mood was just as good as yours and the cheeky flirting was something he missed over the last years. It’s been too long since he met someone he liked so much that he didn’t have to care about what he said. Spending time with you made him feel careless. The night air and the sky that was full of stars just loosened up the mood even more.

Even though your heart was beating faster at his comment you tried to remain cool – he said it so casually as if the topic of kissing you was something completely normal to him, making you realize that maybe Jinyoung and you were indeed becoming something more than friends, “Oh, can I pick?”, you grinned at him.

“No,“ he answered easily while pushing you towards the edge of the bridge you were currently walking on, making you gasp a bit, while trying to balance yourself so you wouldn’t fall over the low wooden railing.

What exactly was he doing? Just in the right moment, he held you, his arm around your waist, being a bit too close to you which was making your heart beat insanely fast. As you looked at him your eyes were opened wide, the shock written all over your face.

Jinyoung still was holding you close, giving you the brightest smile ever, his expression full of joy, “Did you really think that I’d let you fall?”

“Yes!“ you almost shouted out of shock, a hundred percent sure that he’d actually do something like that, “If anyone in this town would then it would be you.”

He acted a bit offended, as he pulled your body a bit closer to his again, your intestines feeling all over the place. Half of your body was still bent over the bridge as Jinyoung’s hold was the only support that stopped you from falling right into the water. His face came near yours and at this moment you wanted nothing more than to feel his lips on yours.

“Well, if you think that lowly of me,“ he started, before pausing his sentence, you could swear that you could feel his breath tingling on your lips and see his eyes wandering down to look at your them - but before anything else could happen you started losing balance as Jinyoung let go of your body, making you fall right into the lake behind you.

Of course, he’d do something like that. You should've guessed that.

As you came up again you were drenched. The water was at least still warm enough to not make you shiver while climbing up to the bridge again. Jinyoung was laughing wholeheartedly, his one hand once again covering his mouth, while holding his other hand out for you so he could help you. You immediately took his offer, taking a tight grip on his hand before getting your revenge – within seconds Jinyoung forcefully joined you in the water, his eyes popping out when you completely caught him off guard.

“I should’ve seen that coming,“ he admitted, now also completely wet but still amused, “I deserved that.”

The two of you were chuckling, no one of you seemed to want to get out of the water for now. “Remember the one time we were having a contest here about who can stay underwater the longest when we were children?” you asked him thinking back to older days, one of the few memories you had with him.

He nodded while walking towards you, leaning his back against the bridge. His body was close to yours, his face facing yours, “I remember you and Bambam being afraid because you thought I fainted because I let my body swim on the surface with my head under the water still.”

Hitting his chest, you squinted your eyes, “You were the worst, seriously! Why would you do this to me? I was so afraid.”

His arm found your hip, resting lazily on it - you wondered if he’d also do that if he was completely sober, “To make good memories.”

“Well, that’s also about our only memory because you always avoided me when we were younger,“ you stated, a bit salty.

His laughter sounded different this time, if you didn’t know better you’d almost say there was some kind of admiration in it. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,“ he apologized, putting his hands up in the air, still laughing before looking at you once again - it’s like you completely forgot about being in the water now in the middle of the night.

“Wanna know a secret?” he asked you, whispering as if you had to be careful to not get caught.

“Always,“ you answered eager as your eyes widened in excitement.

“I avoided you because I had the biggest crush on you and Jaebeom always said girls suck and if anyone of us ever kissed a girl they’d be kicked out of the gang,“ he admitted, smiling back at the memory.

“Okay, but Jaebeom was literally my first kiss,“ you confessed to him, “I think he knew exactly why he told you that.”

Now it was Jinyoung who was in shock, not you. “You’re kidding me,“ he sounded offended, “I can’t believe he’d play me like this because of some chick.”

“Hello? I’m right here,“ you growled, shaking your head amused.

“Oh, I bet you’d rather be where Jaebeom is, huh?” he stared you down for a second before breaking character and starting to laugh, “But seriously, he never even told me. He knew I’d fight him about it.”

“It must be hard to always be as dramatic as you are,“ you scoffed, as you got out of the water again, starting to shiver a bit, “Let’s go home, I’m cold.”

He got out of the water too and you tried hard not to stare at his chest that was completely showing through his white shirt.

“You should have put on a jacket,“ he shrugged, acting as if it's your fault that you were completely drenched and cold.

“You little shit,“ you countered as the two of you were walking towards your home, “I’m only cold because you pushed me into the lake.”

“I had fun tonight,“ you admitted to him as you were standing in front of your door once again, “You’re not awful.”

“Thank you?”, he laughed unsure before he continued, “You’re also not awful, (y/n).”

“I mean, you were not the nicest in the beginning, I thought you hated me. But now, I think you tolerate me,“ you said, a winning smile on your face.

“Believe it or not, I think you’re pretty cool,” he mirrored your smile, nodding.

“I’ll let my diary know about that,” you assured him.

He just stood there for a second, looking at you. Both of you didn’t want to part, enjoying time with each other but you didn’t want things to get awkward.

“I’m sorry I pushed you into the water,“ he mentioned, laughing while apologizing.

You rolled your eyes at his half-assed apology, “Yeah sure. You better make up for that.”

He nodded, “I will. Good night, (y/n),“ suddenly you felt him hugging you, not expecting it once again. Three hugs in one day were something you didn’t expect at all when you woke up this morning.

“Sleep well,“ you told him as you closed the door behind you, removing your make up, changing into comfortable clothes and letting yourself fall into your bed, falling asleep with a smile on your lips. You were definitely making progress.

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A few days after your birthday and the situation with Jinyoung it was about time to talk to someone about your confusing feelings. Jaebeom was the first person that came to your mind, definitely not wanting to talk to Bambam about it. As the two of you were sitting outside on your porch, drinking a beer and enjoying the sunset slowly going down, you decided to tell him about what happened after you and Jinyoung left on your birthday.

“He gifted you your old music box?” he asked confused, almost shocked, “That’s so much better than the vibrator we gifted you, dammit.”

You let out a laugh, “Anything is better than that.”

“Well, apparently you won’t be needing it any time soon if you and Jinyoung continue to fall in love at that pace,“ your best friend gave you a small wink.

“Jaebeom,“ you let out a pout, “I really don’t know what I should do. He was about to kiss me by the lake but instead, he let me fall into the water.”

He was trying his hardest to contain his laughter as you told the story but he couldn’t help it, “You really think he’s the one you want? I bet not even Yugyeom would behave that awkward.”

Chuckling, you shrugged, “I guess I just like a challenge.”

Jaebeom nodded, “He definitely is one. Bear with him, it’s been some time. His last girlfriend and him broke up quite some time ago.”

When Jaebeom mentioned the word gilfriend you felt curiosity awakening inside of you, “How was she?”

Taking a sip of his beer, he glanced at you, a bit pitiful, “Are you sure you wanna do this to yourself?”

“I’m just curious,“ you assured him, „No hard feelings.“

Before Jaebeom could start telling you about her you were disturbed by your cousin, who just finished his work, a beer in his hand as he sat down on the free chair on your table, „What are you talking about?”

“My hopeless crush,“ you said, laughing.

“What else,“ he shrugged, unimpressed, “You could still date Yugyeom, you know.”

You shook your head before turning back to Jaebeom, “So, tell me about her, I can’t imagine him with a girl at all.”

“Are we talking about Elly?” Bambam asked confused, trying to catch up with your conversation.

“Yes.”, Jaebeom said, trying to start once again before getting interrupted by Bambam, also once again. “She wasn’t shit, (y/n). Don’t worry about her. I never liked her. They weren’t even really a couple.”

Jaebeom rolled his eyes, “She wasn’t all bad, Bam. She was actually quite nice at the beginning. She’s from the town next to ours, the granddaughter of the owner of the library - we were friends with her back then when she still visited every weekend. I guess she was into Jinyoung from the first second and he was, well, frustrated. So they became friends with benefits. Nothing too serious at first.”

“(Y/n), I really don’t get why you’d wanna know. You’ll just hurt yourself,“ your cousin seemed to worry, clearly disagreeing with your curiosity.

“They broke up so I won’t be hurt, I just can’t imagine him in a relationship at all. I need some information for research,“ you argued.

“He was a good boyfriend, I guess,“ Bambam thought about it, taking a big gulp of his beer, “Like he visited her often and made sure to bring her to every event or birthday. But one of them would always start a fight and it got so annoying over time. Every time he brought her I was afraid to say anything to him because if I only said one wrong word she’d start to discuss with him.”

Jaebeom now interrupted him, “Well, it wasn’t only her who started fights, to be fair. Jinyoung often enough started one too, whenever he was in a bad mood he’d always find a reason to fight.”

A scoff came out of your mouth, “I already thought he’d be one to pick fights, to be honest.”

“Speaking of the devil,“ Jaebeom nodded towards the house of the Park’s and as you turned around you saw Jinyoung jogging over to you. He seemed to be in a good mood, a smile on his lips, something rather unusual.

“Why are you having a nice evening and no one cared to call me?” he asked as he arrived in front of you, holding up a big plate with many different pieces of cakes on it, “I brought cake.”

Bambam immediately took the plate and set it down in front of him as Jinyoung sat down on the free seat on the bench beside you.

“We were just talking shit about you,“ Bambam started, getting up to get some forks from inside.

“Why? What did I do?” he asked, already sounding offended, ready to defend himself without knowing what even seemed to be the problem.

“I just told them about how you let me fall into the lake,“ you huffed, salty, not letting it go easily.

“Why would you do that?” he asked in a whiny tone, “Aren’t they teasing us enough already?”

“I don’t care about that. I still can’t believe you’ve done that. I could’ve caught a cold.”

He now crossed his arms in front of his chest, “You didn’t though, right? I brought you cake as an apology, just to find you hanging out with our friends, without me?”

Jaebeom let out a laugh at your constant bickering, “Young love must be so nice.”

“Be quiet,“ you gave Jaebeom a warning glance before you turned back to the real enemy here, “You think cake can just fix the trust I lost in you?”

He let out a laugh, “You’re being overdramatic.”

Actually, you couldn’t care less that he let you fall into the lake. It was just fun to pick fights with him, “You’re being an asshole.”

He scoffed before continuing your discussion in a mocking voice, “Wanted me to kiss you so bad that you can’t get over the fact that I didn’t?”

You let out a small gasp, not expecting his comeback. Jaebeom and Bambam were both trying no to laugh watching the two of you fight.

“If you think that, you’re truly delusional,“ you stated, even though everyone here knew he was right, “The only reason I didn’t kill you right then was because I was so relieved you didn’t kiss me.”

He snorted, not ready to give up yet, “Sure, just keep on telling it to yourself until you start to believe it.”

And this is how you spent the rest of the evening. Three of your closest friends, cake, one or two or maybe even more beers, a beautiful pink sunset and most important - in the place you loved to call your home.

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“(Y/n), give me a hand, please,“ your neighbor screamed from the other side of the farm, struggling to put up the pavilion that was supposed to cover the tables from the weather. It was a warm autumn day but you knew that it could basically start to pour any second. Quickly you jogged over to Jinyoung, leaving Bambam alone with the other preparations for the big harvest festival that was held once a year on the farm. It was a tradition you used to love as a child and you were more than happy to participate again this year.

As you walked over you couldn’t help but notice how mesmerizing he looked once again. There was sweat dripping down his face while he gave you a light and exhausted chuckle, holding up one side of the pavilion with his rather strong arms. The white shirt and grey sweatpants he was wearing might as well be the death of you. Oh god, you definitely hated being attracted to him. 

“What’s up, Park?” you asked, desperately trying to sound as unbothered as possible.

He, on the other hand, continued to smile, shaking his head, “Can you please hold up the other side over there?” he asked, pointing to it, “I’ll do the rest.”

You went over and held up the other side, having to stand on your tiptoes. “Are you excited for tonight?” you asked him, desperate to make conversation with him. Even though by now Jinyoung was being very nice to you, at least as nice as Jinyoung could be, you were still always trying to make him like you. Even though Bambam and Jaebeom assured you he likes you quite a lot by now you still wanted him to admit to it. His attention was your favorite thing at the moment.

He shrugged while concentrating on a screw he was currently trying to get in, “Not really. It’s not gonna be different than any other year.”

“I’m here now so it is gonna be different than before,” you said, making him look up from his work for a second, his eyes finding yours.

“So, you’re going to make the harvest festival interesting again?” you saw the smirk on his face before continuing, “Don’t get up my hopes.”

“Share a bottle of liquor with me and I bet we’ll have a lot of fun,” you stated boldly, immediately embarrassed at your way too obvious flirting. At this point, you were sure that Jinyoung was very aware of your obvious crush on him - he was many things. Rude, annoying, sometimes even a bit mean but delusional wasn’t one of them.

“Are you flirting with me, (y/n) (y/l/n)?” he asked almost a bit teasingly.

“I am,” you said, trying to sound confident but you were pretty sure your now deep red cheeks were giving you away.

He seemed to be amused and he shook his head in what seemed to be joy. 

“Not bad,” was all he said, shrugging before his full attention was back on building the pavilion. 

You looked around the big farm as Jinyoung was working. It looked beautiful, there were a lot of tables with benches, all of them had some flowers and candles on top of them, you could only imagine how cute it would look as soon as the sky was dark and all the candles were lit. Bambam was currently preparing some baskets filled with eggs, milk, some wool, all different kinds of fruits and vegetables and even some feathers you picked up from the pond where the ducks stayed as a lucky charm - your uncle and Jinyoung’s mother would sell them later on, the people always loved those little baskets. Jinyoung’s mother was inside, preparing food for the night. She was overdoing herself, cooking four different kinds of soups, baking too many loaves of bread for the visitors to eat, she even has been baking all kind of cakes since yesterday night. 

“Your mum is an angel,” you mumbled more to yourself than to him but Jinyoung still heard you, laughing a bit.

“She just really loves the harvest festival. But yes, I agree, she really is,” he answered without looking at you, “There’s gonna be plenty of leftovers tomorrow, I’ll bring you some if you want.”

You nodded even though he didn’t see, “I’d love that.”

“Hey, (y/n)!” Gus, the owner of the restaurant, came up to you. He drove up here in his truck, the whole back of it filled with different meals that he contributed for tonight, “Where should I put the fish and meat?”

Jinyoung told you that you could leave and help Gus for now so you showed him where the food was being served. There was a long in the middle of the farm, where Gus’ and Mrs. Parks’ food was going to be sold later on. It was opposite to the little dancefloor your uncle built earlier, he even got a pretty good sound system for the night. You already anticipated seeing all of the older people dance later, it was always very cute to you. All the tables to sit on were placed in between the dancefloor and the food. 

As you were helping Gus’ to carry the food you saw Jaebeom and his parents coming up to you. It was a funny sight, seeing how much taller Jaebeom was than both of his parents.

“Hey cutie,” your best friend greeted you as he put down the three beer crates he was casually caring like they didn’t weigh anything, “How are things going?”

“I’m really excited for tonight,” you cheered with a wide smile on your lips, “My last harvest festival was years ago, I still had to go to bed at eight o’clock at that time.”

He let out a laugh, “Oh, that’s when the fun is just starting.”

You only managed to finish all the work an hour before the first people came to the festival. Within no time the whole farm was filled with people as the sun was slowly going down.

You didn’t expect so many people to actually show up. Not only the whole village was attending tonight’s fest but a lot of them also brought their family from out of town, a lot of faces you’ve never seen before. It luckily didn’t rain yet and you were hoping it would stay that way for the rest of the night. The sky was dark now and all the candles were lit, making the atmosphere cozy. People were eating, drinking and enjoying themselves, some even danced to the 80′s music that was playing already. You were sitting on the side of a table, just looking around and appreciating everything as a few of your friends came up to you.

“Don’t you wanna eat something?” Yugyeom asked you, nodding towards the table with the food, “We were just about to grab something, join us.”

“Let’s also grab a drink or two,” your cousin, who clearly already had more than just ‘a drink or two’, his bright pink cheeks exposing him, shouted as he came up behind Yugyeom, Jaebeom and Jaebeom’s girlfriend.

Your mouth watered as you saw, and especially smelled, the food that was offered. Now you were very thankful that you didn’t have the time to eat all day. All the food looked amazing and you didn’t even know where to start. Jackson and Mark both went for the meat but you wanted to start with something more light for now, looking at all the soups Mrs. Park made.

“Try mum’s Italian wedding soup, it’s the best,” you flinched lightly as Jinyoung suddenly came up behind you out of nowhere, his arm casually resting on your shoulder. 

You tried to play it cool in front of your friends but inside you were all tense, just because of Jinyoung being so close to you. “I’ll have that then,” you agreed, telling his mother who was handing out food tonight. Both you and Jinyoung offered her to help out earlier but she insisted that you should just enjoy the evening.

“Of course, darling,” she poured some of the soup into a big cup, giving you and her son a wide smile, “You two look just adorable together.”

You felt yourself blushing but you were pretty sure that no one would notice in the dark. 

“Right? We’ve been telling them the whole time,” Jackson joined, excitement in his eyes, agreeing with his friends’ mother. You heard a deep, frustrated groan from Jinyoung.

“Guys,” he squinted his eyes at both of them with a warning glance but he still was resting his arm on you, not even thinking about removing it, “Can you mind your own business? Just for once?”

Jaebeom chuckled at the two of you, knowing exactly that you were trying your hardest to keep your cool, “You know they won’t leave you alone until something happens.”

He was right. But you weren’t sure if and when things would happen. And what those things even would be. When it came to Jinyoung you felt more clueless than ever before. Not even your math class in senior year seemed that confusing.

“Yeah, because no one in this town knows how to respect the boundaries of other people,” Jinyoung bitterly said through gritted teeth, slightly annoyed but everyone just let out a laugh, not taking him seriously, thinking it’s funny that he gets so worked up over some simple teasing.

“I’m sorry (y/n),” Mrs. Park turned towards you, apologizing, but you could still see a little amused smile on her lips, “I hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I don’t mind at all,” you assured her, “Don’t apologize.”

“I’ll go and get us something to drink,” Jaebeom offered after he got some food, his lips already pressed against his girlfriend’s neck again before turning to you, “Save us a seat.”

You waited for the rest to get something to eat and wondered what was suddenly going on with Jinyoung, he wasn’t leaving your side at all which was pretty unusual for him. Last week he was still too afraid to give you a birthday present in front of the boys and now he was suddenly even touching you in front of everyone?

“I’m sorry,” he whispered for only you to hear as all of you were looking for a table to sit on. On the way, he let go of you but still was walking right next to you. Not that you minded, you enjoyed the sudden attention he was giving you, you just had to get used to it. 

“What for?” you asked him, shrugging lightly, “I don’t care if the guys tease us. They think we’re into each other, they won’t stop anyway.”

“Well, they aren’t so dumb after all, huh?” he still whispered to you, chuckling a bit as he turned around to the others, pointing to a free table, “Let’s sit down over there.”

This little shit was flirting with you. 

The soup was amazing. The alcohol was pouring. The atmosphere was loud and filled with banter and laughter. Jaebeom and his girl were making out in front of everyone in no time, literally being all over each other. Jackson, Yugyeom and Bambam were screaming along to ‘Come on Eileen’ playing in the background, doing those stupid fortnite dances to the old music, constantly motivating each other to do stupid moves and having the time of their lives. Mark was talking to his girlfriend, the majority of your friends still had no idea that they were actually dating and you wondered how they managed to keep it a secret in such a small town like this. You were just laughing, enjoying everyone’s presence - an evening like this was exactly what you needed, full of friends and possibilities to make amazing memories. 

Looking back at the fact that in the beginning, you were so afraid to start a new life here was ridiculous by now - this was your home, you were doing the thing you love with people you wouldn’t trade for anything. Not in a hundred years would you have thought that you’d find your happiness in this small town.

You carefully dared to look over to Jinyoung, hoping he wouldn’t catch you staring - you felt tingly, it might be the wine or the butterflies in your stomach but you felt so much comfort and happiness that you wanted to explode. The way he was laughing was making you go insane - you got lost in the wrinkles around his eyes and his side profile that seemed to be the most perfect thing you’ve ever seen. It was so nice and rare to see him letting go, being completely relaxed and warm. The longer you looked at him the more you craved something deep down in your stomach.

It felt like you were in a movie, the world around you blurred and slowing down while all you could concentrate on was the guy next to you - the guy, that used to be so cold to you and opened up step by step, going from thinking you were stealing chickens to flirting with you in front of everyone. You secretly hoped that the two of you were figuring out the future of your relationship sooner than later, slowly growing impatient. It was obvious to anyone who’d spent only five minutes around you: There was an undeniable tension, a chemistry that both of you felt.

Still staring at him while everyone was laughing and talking he stole a glance from you, seeing that your attention was already completely on him. His features softened as soon as his eyes met yours and the big laughter on his face turned into a small but impactful smile - immediately you felt a rush of confidence running through your veins, your heart beating faster. You hated how you were literally melting for him but you knew exactly that you couldn’t fight it so you might as well let him in.

His eyes were still locked with yours, no one daring to break eye contact. You wondered how this moment could feel so intimate when there were literally 200 people gathered around you - it felt like you were all alone, everyone else was busy cracking jokes while the two of you were busy falling in love. Or at least that was what it felt like. 

He gave you a small nod before sitting a bit closer to you, your thighs now touching. “Stop flirting with me. I might just break my cool character and blush,” he joked, making you chuckle before the two of you brought your attention back to your friends who were currently cheering for Bambam and Yugyeom, both trying to down their beer faster than the other one. You shook your head, letting out a laugh at them being messy. Jinyoung’s hand sneakily rested on your lower back and you hoped it would stay there for a while.

Bambam finished first and laughed at Yugyeom, who was still drinking, “Oh, I can’t believe you thought you could win against me. I’m the king when it comes to drinking,” he bragged.

Jaebeom, who was for once breaking free from his girlfriend, shook his head at Bambam, “You’re overconfident. Jinyoung, finish him.”

Jinyoung let out a groan, “Don’t make me do this.”

“Let’s go Jinyoungie, I bet I can beat you easily,” Bambam challenged him, knowing exactly how to provoke his friend.

“Dude, don’t do this to yourself, you’ll lose,” Jackson yelled, “No one can beat Jinyoung, you should know that.”

“I trained. And Jinyoung didn’t show off his skills in a long time, I think you’re underestimating me,” he insisted, opening another bottle of beer and putting it down in front of Jinyoung.

“Bambam, take it easy. It’s your fourth beer in what? Twenty minutes?” you interrupted, “I don’t wanna clean up all alone tomorrow because you are dying.”

“It’s harvest festival (y/n),” he whined while opening another bottle of wine for you, pouring something into your glass, “You gotta start learning how we do it here.”

Jinyoung shook his head, letting out another deep sigh, “You have no chance against me,” he held up his beer and waited for Bambam to do the same.

Bambam had a satisfied smile on his lips, ready to give it his all, “I’m going to fight for your title.”

Jinyoung let out a laugh, “That’s cute. Much luck trying.”

All of you were counting down from three and the guys started chugging down the beer like it was a life or death situation. It was stupid and childish but all of you were enjoying it, rooting for Jinyoung. If all of your friends could agree on one thing then it would be that Bambam needs to be taken down back to earth every now and then.

You looked at him, your mouth slightly open. One thing you definitely didn’t know about Jinyoung was how fast he could drink. He always seemed like the most reasonable and mature guy so you were kind of taken by surprise to see how he downed the bottle in the matter of a few seconds.

“Ha!” he let out, laughing as he put his bottle down, “You’re a fool, dude.”

Bambam let out a laugh, shrugging, “Never thought I had a chance, just wanted you to drink a bit. Who’s the fool now?”

“I didn’t know you could drink like that,” you turned to Jinyoung.

“This guy used to get so wasted every weekend, he just acts all pure in front of you,” Mark exposed his friend laughing.

You raised your eyebrow at Jinyoung, “Oh, let’s see who can handle more then, shall we?”

Jinyoung’s eyes widened surprised, not expecting you to challenge him when it comes to drinking, “You might regret that.”

“I don’t mind regretting a thing or two,” you poured the two of you some shots.

“That’s the spirit,” Bambam cheered, opening another bottle of beer.

Jinyoung and you were clinking glasses, “To Bertha!” he mentioned his favorite before both of you downed the shots, making a grimace as the bitter liquor went down your throat.

“That shit tastes horrible,” you stated, making him laugh.

“No one said getting drunk is easy,” he countered before immediately pouring you another shot, “But you wanted this. We can stop if you can’t take it, you know.”

“Definitely not,” you scoffed raising your eyebrow at him and holding up the shot glass, “It’s going to be a long, long night.”

“Oh, don’t promise what you can’t keep,” he flirted amused, laughing at you before getting ready to down the next shot, “To you and me.”

Nodding, you gave him a smile, “Whatever that might mean.”

You didn’t know what was faster: The time flying by or your alcohol level rising. It was around midnight now and the night just started. All of you were still drinking eagerly, sharing stupid stories and daring each other to do even more stupid things. The music was loud and the older people were dancing like there’s no tomorrow while you were still sitting at the table, playing cards and taking videos and photos of each other.

Some other girls around your age joined your group, you didn’t know them but the rest did. It was a nice group of people overall.

You still were watching the elders dance, smiling to yourself as your uncle and Jinyoung’s mum were dancing with each other, seemingly having the best time.

“Aren’t they cute?” Jinyoung turned to you with a grin, his hand resting right above your knee, slightly squeezing it. You could tell the alcohol had its impact on him because he was getting more touchy by minute, his eyes sparkling. 

You nodded, feeling a bit nostalgic seeing them together. They always have been close, both of them lost their significant others early and were left with their children and a whole farm to manage. “It’s nice that they’re having fun. I wish they’d take a break more often.”

Jinyoung hummed in agreement, his thumb caressing your leg, “I’m happy Mum has Minwoo. They are always there for each other and talk shit about me and Bambam,” he joked, his eyes still glued to his mother.

He was clearly adoring their little dance while you were adoring him.

“He’s really grateful you’re here.”, you didn’t expect Jinyoung to be so serious, a new side of him showing.

“I like being here. Wouldn’t go back,” you told him as you put your hand on top of his, appreciating the moment.

His eyes met yours, not thinking you’d hold his hand in front of everyone, even though no one could see, “You do? I didn’t think you’d fit in or like it here at first if I am honest.”

You let out a laugh, “Yeah, I know. You were very vocal about that if you don’t remember our first encounter as I came back.”

He joined your laughter, giving you an apologetic pout, “I’m sorry. I was being a bit rough, wasn’t I?”

You nodded, “Didn’t expect anything else though. You never opened up towards me when we were younger,” you explained to him in a soft voice, you didn’t want to hurt him with your words.

“I just wondered why you’d move here. I thought it was stupid. What does this little town offer you?” he asked curiously, his eyes glued back to your family.

“This, for example,” you gestured to them, “It’s very heartwarming here. You might not realize because you’ve always been here but this town is full of love.”

Jinyoung narrowed his eyebrows a bit, “I bet the actual reason you like it so much here is this cute neighbor of yours.”

You scoffed at his confidence, “Oh, you mean that Jinyoung guy? No, he’s just too busy loving himself, I doubt he could ever make time to let someone else in.”

He opened his mouth a bit, acting shocked, “Didn’t you hear?”, he asked you, turning his body to you now to completely face you, “Everyone says he’s a total sucker for you.”

Playing along, you slightly brushed your knees against his, “I don’t think so,” you let out a sigh, “Last week he had the perfect chance to kiss me but instead he threw me into the lake.”

He grinned, not expecting you being so witty. “I’m sure he was just nervous and regrets it very much.”

“I wonder what your sources are. They don’t seem very trustworthy. You know that guy, he has a heart made of stone.”

“Don’t let him fool you,” he came closer to whisper in your ear, “He’s actually a soft man inside.”

“(Y/n)!” your cousin screamed over to you, clearly drunk, ruining your little moment with Jinyoung, “Let's go, dance with your favorite cousin.”

You sighed heavily, knowing that refusing won’t work even though you didn’t want the playful banter with Jinyoung to end. So a few seconds later you found yourself on the dance floor, jamming to the old classics with your favorite human in town. Jinyoung and Jaebeom might be close, but no one would beat your family.

The two of you danced around like crazy, exaggerating every move, having fun without any worries for a few songs.

That was until you saw Bambam looking over to the rest of your group, his eyebrows narrowing, a mixture of confusion and anger in his eyes - his jaw clenched as he was glaring somewhere. You followed his gaze to see Jinyoung talking to a girl you didn’t know. You didn’t think anything of it at first, he didn’t seem very close to her, maybe even a bit uncomfortable.

“That little shit,” your cousin raised his voice, looking at you, “He better doesn’t do anything stupid.”

You threw him a questioning look, no idea what was going on, “What do you mean? They’re just talking.”

He shook his head, “That’s Elly. Elly and Jinyoung are never just talking.“

His ex. What did this mean to you? You didn’t feel jealous somehow. The evening was fine, Jinyoung was clearly giving all of his attention to you, the two of you weren’t dating, you didn’t even kiss yet. Of course, you hoped that this would change sooner or later, your feelings for him were undeniable at this point and part of you thought that they weren’t one-sided.

Before you said anything, Bambam was losing his temper, “He can’t treat you like this, (y/n). I’m going to talk to him.”

You laughed at his clearly drunken state, shaking your head, “No no, I can manage my relationships alone, don’t worry.”

He tried to look you in the eyes, failing slightly. You were pretty sure that if you’d ask him to touch his nose right now, he’d miss it by miles. 

“Why, of all people, Jinyoung? He’s too cold for you. I love this dude but I don’t want you to go through a hard time because of him,” he pouted, suddenly wanting to discuss your love life with you.

You knew you shouldn’t laugh, Bambam was being sincere and caring about you right now but his state was so fucked up that you couldn’t help it, “Let’s get you some water.”

Letting out a heavy sigh because you ignored him, he followed you to the Im’s table where they were selling drinks.

They immediately let out a laugh, “Oh, Bambam,” Jaebeom’s mother said amused at his clearly fucked-up state.

“Can we have a water, please?” you asked her as you held Bambam, wishing he’d stay still.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he tried to convince you, “I could do a cartwheel without a problem.”

“Please don’t,” you laughed at his confidence, giving him the cup of water and thanking Jaebeom’s mother, “Should we go back to the table?”

He nodded and you walked over to your group of friends, handing Bambam over to Yugyeom. Looking around you saw that Jinyoung was missing. Just as his ex-girlfriend.

Of course, you couldn’t know if they left together. Maybe Jinyoung just went home without saying goodbye. Checking your phone to see if he maybe texted you just disappointed you even more. You hated that you suddenly felt so vulnerable. The evening was so much fun up to this point, the fact that such a tiny thing could ruin your mood completely made you feel foolish.

Not daring to ask Jaebeom if he knew where he went or if they left together, knowing he’d try to comfort you, making you feel even worse, you said your goodbyes to your friends, claiming you were tired and needed some sleep.

Walking over to your home luckily was only taking you a minute, considering that the harvest festival was held on your farm. The worst thing about all this was that you didn’t know how to feel. Technically, you had no reason to be mad or jealous, Jinyoung and you never did anything more than flirting. On the other hand though, you liked him, so of course, it hurt you that he was probably enjoying himself with his ex-girlfriend right now. Your head hurt from all the alcohol and overthinking. You wished he would at least have said goodbye to you. Maybe, after all, he wasn’t into you as much as you thought. Today would’ve been his chance to make a move otherwise.

Opening your door you almost got scared to death. Your heartbeat was going crazy fast and you were even more confused than before. Just as you accepted the fact that Jinyoung left the party with his ex-girlfriend, he was sitting on your sofa, playing games on his phones, waiting for no one else than you.

“What are you doing here? How did you even get in?” you almost screamed, still shocked by the thought that someone broke into your house at first.

He laughed, simply stating, “I know where your spare key is.”

You shook your head in disbelief, “But what are you doing here? Why are you just sitting on my sofa?”

“I wanted to leave the party. But I still wanted to spend time with you.”

 “What about Elly?” you blurted out, your eyes immediately widening after you asked, realizing that he and you never talked about her.

He looked at you in shock, “W-What?”, you never head him stutter before, “What about her? How do you know?”, the confusion on his face vanished a bit, sighing heavy, “Jaebeom told you about her, right?”

You nodded, “It just came up once in a conversation we were having. And when I saw you with her I just assumed you left with her.”

He laughed, looking at you like you were crazy, “Why would I do that?”

You shrugged, not having an answer to his question. “What do I know? Maybe you missed her.”

“You’re crazy if you think I’d waste your time like that. And my time also,” he said softly, “Forget about her. She came up to me as soon as you left, trying to talk so I left.”

You nodded, understanding what was going on now, “So, you decided to break into my house?”

“Oh, I can leave if you want me to.“

“That’s not what I said,” you rolled your eyes. Suddenly, there was a pause. Neither of you were saying anything and you felt unsure of how to continue.

“Shouldn’t we clean outside a bit already?” you asked Jinyoung, trying to break the silence so you’d get out of this overwhelming situation. 

Jinyoung, on the other hand, seemed to be very relaxed, he almost felt at home on your sofa. He stood up, coming closer and closer to you, “It can wait until tomorrow.”

When he stopped, he was right in front of you, your feet were almost touching and if someone would push you at this moment, you surely would land on top of him, which actually sounded pretty nice to you. You nodded, trying to sneakily take a deep breath to calm down, you had no idea why you were so nervous. He’s by far not the first guy you kissed but he might be the one kiss you anticipated the most.

His hand slowly ran up your arm, then down again, giving you goosebumps all over your skin, his gentleness making you fall for him even more. His hand found yours and you looked into his eyes, wanting to drown in them as your stomach felt like it was tied in knots.

A small smile formed on Jinyoung’s lips as you locked eyes, not able to have a single clear thought. By now you were sure that tonight would be the night you’d finally have him where you wanted him. All for yourself.

Coming nearer, you felt his upper body almost touching yours, his head was leaning in and you saw him slowly closing his eyes as his free hand found your hip, bringing you even closer to him.

The moment before the actual kiss was already breathtaking enough. The mixed smell of his cologne and the alcohol the two of you drank earlier was making you feel dense. The touch of his hand was already burning but as his nose brushed yours slightly, a rush of adrenaline was sent through your whole body, making your stomach turn and you suddenly felt hot in places you didn’t know he had an impact on until now. It was rather quiet, the only sound you could hear was the muffled music from outside, but you couldn’t figure out what song was playing, only feeling the bass of it. Your heart was beating so fast, you hoped he couldn’t hear it.

But all those little and unimportant things around you vanished as soon as you felt his soft lips, pressed onto yours with the perfect amount pressure. The kiss developed from something shy and soft into the projection of what both of you had been craving secretly for so long in no time. No one dared to break the kiss, not wanting it to be over.

His hand wandered all over your body, from your hip to your waist, to your arms, to your neck, right back down to your lower back until he held onto your thighs.

“Jump,” he mumbled hectic, his voice deeper than usual, between your kisses, not wanting to stop.

“Are you sure?” you asked him carefully.

He chuckled into your kiss, “Never been more sure.”

So you did as he told you and jumped up, your legs now crossed around his hips as he held you up like it was nothing, deepening the kiss once again, your tongue playing with his. Being with him like this was more exciting than you ever could’ve imagined.

Your hand found the nape of his neck, burying itself in his soft hair, as he was carrying you to the sofa he was sitting on just a few minutes ago.

So there you were, on top of Park Jinyoung, straddling his muscular thighs, feeling a heat in your core that you haven’t felt in such a long time but missed so much. The way his hands were exploring your body while his lips were busy kissing every single spot on your jaw and your neck was making you feel like you were going insane, leaving you wanting every single part of him.

A small, rather quiet groan came out of your mouth as he pulled you closer to him, not able to suppress what you were feeling any second longer. He chuckled once more, clearly satisfied with the feelings he was giving you, before giving his attention to your lips again.

His one hand was now on your neck, supporting every movement between the two of you, as his other hand was resting on your hip, slowly making you rock back and forth on him, the tension in both of your pants growing.

Slowly, his hand started to wander under your shirt, to a place where you needed him desperately. He was caressing the skin under your shirt carefully, teasing while taking his time. You wanted nothing more than for him to move them upwards towards your breasts, giving you more and more. 

His lips were doing its magic on your neck again, kissing and nibbling on a soft spot under your ear as his hand slowly wandered up until his thumb finally found your nipple under your lace bra, the contact making you flinch a bit because of the intense feeling. 

He let out a deep groan, sending shivers down your body and an undeniable friction in your underwear grew, making you rock your hips into him once more.

You started to wonder if you were prepared for what was about to happen, the two of you were just starting and you already felt like a mess, wanting him so much more. But he took his time, enjoying every single second of you on top of him.

His hand was now kneading your breast, the pressure just exactly right as he brushed your nipple every now and then, already knowing its effect on you. Every time he touched your bud lightly you couldn’t help but moan.

You let out a small whine as your breast lost contact with his hand, not wanting him to stop. But as you realized that he was only stopping to pull up your shirt you were more than willing to give him what he wanted. Within seconds you were not only shirtless but also braless, as Jinyoung was throwing your bra away to the floor.

He studied what you looked like, wanting to never forget this moment. Leaning back on the couch you saw a satisfied smirk on his lips as his hand found your nipple again. He now was looking right into your eyes and you held eye contact with him, trying not to break it as you got wetter every time his thumb was caressing your nipple.

He enjoyed watching you trying to contain yourself for sure. The smirk on his lip was growing now and his glance was filled with a mixture of lust, adoration and mostly, anticipation of what was going to happen next.

You put your hand on his shoulder to support yourself as you started to dry-hump him, letting out a moan, a louder one this time, as you felt his erection under you.

“Shit,” he moaned, breaking eye contact and throwing his head back, his eyes closed as he bit his lip.

All of a sudden he stopped you from your actions, holding your hips down with both of his hand as he looked at you, frustration all over his face, “(Y/n), are you sure about this? I don’t think I’ll be able to stop once we started.”

Your heart skipped a beat, appreciating his question but you immediately gave him another kiss, this time a bit softer, kissing him deeply, before whispering into his ears. “Don’t you dare to stop now, Jinyoung.”

You could hear his chuckle, his breath on your neck giving you goosebumps. “Thank god,” he said before lifting you up without warning you, making you scream a bit, afraid he’d let you fall.

“Be careful, you scared me to death,” you laughed as you were being carried towards your bedroom.

“You think I’d let you fall?” he said amused, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” you countered, making him laugh as he arrived in your bedroom, letting you down on top of your bed - now you were under him, lying down as he was still sitting on his knees, taking in the view of your naked upper body right in front of him, for him only.

You did the same - and what a beautiful view it was. He was hovering over you, your legs between his as he was pulling his top over his head, throwing it away before unbuckling his belt as you were running your hand over his toned chest.

Not long until both of you were only left in your underwear. Jinyoung slowly removed your pants, before coming back up to you, supporting himself on his elbows as he gave you a deep kiss, adding tongue and caressing your cheek before looking at you. You couldn’t help but smile.

Jinyoung gave you a small smile back, his eyes soft, “I love that smile.”

Before you could think about his compliment, one that he never gave you before, before you could get flustered or say anything back he suddenly changed the game completely, fastly pulling your underwear to the side and sliding one finger inside of you while his thumb was rubbing circles against your clit.

Taken aback by his sudden actions, you let out a loud moan, almost a scream, making Jinyoung smirk a bit before his lips wandered down to your neck once again, taking his time with you as he pumped his finger in and out in just the right rhythm. You moved your hip into his movements as his lips kissed down to your chest, his free hand holding your breast while his mouth teasingly played with your nipple, licking it and twirling his tongue around it, making you a moaning mess already.

Your hand was lightly stroking his dick through his boxers, leaving you wanting more. God, the things you wanted him to do with you were unholy.

The way he glanced at you as he was kissing his way down to your core looked like living art. Your whole body wanted him so bad, just the thought of where his mouth would travel to next or how it would feel when you’d finally feel him inside of you was making you go insane. Never before have you wanted something as much and at the same time hoped he’d take his time before.

Arriving at his destination he let out a moan, definitely being into all of this a bit too much too. He started to slowly kiss your inner thighs, holding your legs up a bit, teasing every part around where you wanted him the most.

“Stop teasing,” you whined, wanting him so much more than you currently had.

He chuckled against your core, the warm air making you flinch, “I thought that’s our thing,” before licking along your wet folds and then adding another finger, his tongue giving all its attention to your clit.

The pace in that he was going down on you was making your knees feel weak. He looked so handsome, his forehead in wrinkles as he was concentrating on pleasing you completely, moans vibrating against you.

It didn’t take long for the two of you until you were having sex, the two of you completely concentrating on the sensational feeling for the next moments.

After you finished you laid down on your stomach, not able to really move, as Jinyoung let himself fall right next to you, giving your nose a small peck. He was not only out of breath but also still in trance of what had just happened, “I didn’t expect this,” he breathed, calming down from his orgasm.

You giggled a bit, “What? Us having sex?”

The smile he gave you made your heart race like crazy, his messy hair falling into his eyes, “I’m not complaining though.”

For a second you were lying there, letting Jinyoung catch his breath and calming down. You felt your legs shaking from the intercourse you just had.

“Feel my legs,” you ordered chuckling, his hand on your thigh in a second as he felt how much you were shaking.

“Glad you liked it,” he laughed before getting up, “I’ll get you a towel, be right back.”

As you were waiting for him to come back you realized what had just happened. After all the flirting and teasing Jinyoung and you actually ended up in your bed. The thought made you dizzy, but it could also be from the alcohol you drank. It seemed too good to be true.

Cleaning you up, you suddenly heard a laugh as he grabbed your ass, “I may or may not have left some marks. I’m sorry.”

You turned you head back, squinting your eyes at him, “You’re lucky no one else sees that part of me. The others would tease me to death about that.”

Slowly, he climbed back up to lay next to you, both of you on your stomach, his hand caressing your side, “Apparently they have a bet going on about when we’re going to end up together.”

“I’m not even surprised. Sounds like them,” you closed your eyes, enjoying Jinyoung’s affection, “This feels nice.”

He hummed in agreement before giving you a small kiss, his forehead resting next to yours, “I could stay like this forever.”

“Then stay,” you offered, still not opening your eyes. Jinyoung was getting a blanket, throwing it over both of you so you wouldn’t freeze, “Don’t leave. Stay here.”

“You want me to?” he asked, his hand now playing with your hair, “Alright, I’ll stay then. Sleep a bit, it’s late and you’re drunk.”

“I will, just give me one more kiss, okay?” you asked him, feeling yourself getting more tired by any passing second.

He chuckled as he came closer to your face once again, holding your face in his hands as he softly pressed his lips onto yours one more time, your naked bodies touching. “Good night, (y/n).”

Falling asleep, everything seemed too good to be true. Jinyoung beside you, his scent in your nose as you slowly drifted to sleep in his arms.

As you woke up he was gone. First, you thought you had dreamed about yesterday's events but after a few seconds, you realized that it wasn’t a dream. You got drunk, you had sex, you fell asleep next to him. And now, he was gone.

Standing up, you wrapped your blanket around your naked body, looking for the man that you spend the night with but he was nowhere to be seen.

Well, maybe it was too good to be true.

｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+

It’s been five days. Five days since you shared your bed with Jinyoung. Five days and your goddamn sheets still smelled like him - or maybe you were hallucinating at this point, wanting just something that reminds you of him around you. The two of you talked to each other casually when you met on the farm. You said hi and talked about the weather. Shared awkward smiles. And that was about it. It’s not like he was cold to you or anything, he seemed to feel just as helpless and awkward about your drunk night together as you. As much as you loved the night and what happened, you definitely hated the aftermath.

Talking to Jaebeom about it didn’t help, sadly. While you appreciate that he always listens to you and is ready to give you advice at any given time, you still had hoped that he’d suggest something else than to give him a bit of time.

The current tension between you was even worse than the sexual tension between you before. You didn’t care if you and Jinyoung wouldn’t end up as a couple, of course, you’d like that very much and still hoped that things were going into that direction, but the two of you developed too much to just destroy the nice friendship you built because of feelings getting in the way.

So you decided to visit him that afternoon, feeling anxious as you were walking up the front porch of your neighbors. You barely remember how their house looked like from the inside since it’s been so long since you been inside. The front door stood open and you knocked against it, not wanting to be rude.

“Mrs. Park?” you called for her as you slowly stepped inside, looking if you could find her but there was no sign of her being home.

Walking up the stairs, you tried to remember which room belonged to Jinyoung until you were distracted by something odd and unexpected - suddenly your ears were filled with a beautiful but rather sad piano melody coming from the room on the back of the corridor. Curious, your feet walked towards the source of the sound, your heart suddenly felt heavy, the sad melody immediately managed to impact your mood, making you feel blue. A part of you wanted to turn around and leave Jinyoung alone, just like he probably wanted you to – if you figured out one thing about him over the last few months than it was the fact that this man was a complicated person, hard to read and even harder to talk to, but you decided to accept that. There were only two options: Either you’d work it out with him or you wouldn’t.

You stood in the open door, looking at the back of the man your heart wanted so bad, sitting in front of a big, wooden piano - for a second you couldn’t even believe that he was able to play such a heart touching piece of art, sitting in his room all alone. What a waste it was for him to play all alone, with no one around to hear. It made your heart sting for a second, at this point you liked him too much to go back. Just looking at him being at peace was making you crave to be the woman beside him. After all, he was Park Jinyoung, the one man that managed to surprise you over and over again.

As quiet as possible you walked into the tidy and light room, not wanting to give him a heart attack by creeping up on him but also not wanting him to stop playing. It was a beautiful sight, the way his hands were gliding on the big instrument so smooth and without thinking. You couldn’t see his face yet but you were already swooning over how beautiful he looked.

He looked over his shoulders as you cleared your throat, continuing to play even without paying attention to the keys, giving you an unreadable smile. You sat down on his bed that was placed right beside the piano as he stopped playing.

“Didn’t expect you to come visit me if I am honest,“ Jinyoung admitted, almost sounding shy. He seemed to be a bit uncomfortable, knowing exactly that he finally had to face the night you shared a few days ago.

“Well, I didn’t expect you to be able to play the piano so skillfully but yet, here you are, doing exactly that,“ you countered in a soft tone, not wanting him to feel like you were mad at him, “That sounded beautiful.”

He chuckled and you were happy to see him relax a bit, “You think so? It was rather depressing, wasn't it?”

“Matching your mood?” you dared to ask him carefully, trying to address the whole situation somehow.

He stood up from his chair and walked over to you, sitting down next to you on his bed, “It’s my dad’s birthday today. He taught me the song I just played.”

His voice was full of love while talking about his father but you could hear the hidden sadness behind it. You didn’t know about that and suddenly, you felt guilt rushing over you. While you were wondering why he didn't try to solve the obvious problem between you and him he had something way harder to deal with. Looking up at you, he forced a small smile, “Mum and Olli are visiting his grave but I didn’t feel like going.”

Trying to give him any kind of comfort you nodded, pressing your lips into a thin line. You were surprised that he was opening up to you but as sad as the situation was, it was relieving you that he finally talked to someone about it. According to Bambam and Jaebeom he tried to avoid this topic as much as he could.

“Why did you stay here?” you asked him, trying to keep the conversation going and show him your support. What you didn’t want was overwhelm him with questions, so you slowly started to see how comfortable he was around you.

He shrugged, looking up at the ceiling, “It’s such a sad place. I feel like we shouldn’t be sad on his birthday, if that makes sense. We should eat his favorite food and drink a beer and stay up too long, playing guitar on the porch. Mum and he always sneaked out at night on his birthday, taking drunk walks. They thought I didn’t notice but they were always coming back, laughing loudly. I miss celebrating his birthdays. But it’s hard to be happy on his birthday without him here.”

He laid down on his bed, his head right next to where you were currently sitting. You studied his face, his eyes still glued to the ceiling, not daring to look at you, the woman he hurt by leaving her after having sex with her. The sun outside was setting, leaving Jinyoung’s whole room in a golden light, his tan skin was glowing and his light-brown hair shimmering. While he seemed to be sad on the outside you could see that talking about the memories he made with his father was making him feel lighter. It was nice seeing him talking about his dad - they always have been very close, you still could recall that.

“I still remember him so vividly. He always gifted me self-made marmalade before I left the city and no other marmalade, literally not a single one at home was comparable to his,“ you shared your memory with Jinyoung, looking out of the big window in his room, admiring the sun, “He has a beautiful soul.” - When you came over you wouldn't have expected to talk to Jinyoung about his father but you knew that everything else, every problem and unsolved question, between the two of you could wait for now.

“I wish I was more like him,“ his voice was nothing more than a mumble, almost inaudible. The sudden craving to hold him came over you, to comfort him in your arms, to kiss him until he felt better. But you held back, as long as you didn’t talk about the obvious.

“What do you mean?” you asked him, daring to lay down beside him - luckily, he didn’t seem to mind. The two of you didn’t touch or cuddled, you just were lying there, on his bed, having a serious and meaningful conversation.

“He was so kind and positive. He told my mother different reasons why he loved her every night. Even after a long day of work he still took his time and practiced the piano with me every night and then brought Olli to bed, reading him a good night story or playing him songs on the guitar until he fell asleep. He taught me so much but still, I could never be so full of love like he used to be.”

“You think too low of yourself, Jinyoung,“ you said determined, meaning it, “I don’t think you see how much your mother appreciates everything you do for her. She knows that you didn’t plan out your life like this but you’re staying here for her. And Olli looks up to you so much, you could do nothing to let him down.”

He shrugged, looking at you for a second, “I don’t feel like that’s enough.”

Feeling heartbroken about hearing him talk so bad about himself, your hand found his in between the two of you, linking it with yours, now it was you who didn't dare to look into his eyes, “Look at us then.”

“What do you mean?” he asked you, confused.

“Since I moved here you gave me so much joy and helped me everywhere you could. You have no idea how much I appreciate all the things you’ve done for me since I came here, complicated tensions between us or not,“ you meant every word.

He scoffed lightly, “I attacked you on your first day, made you churn butter and let you fall into the lake in the middle of the night on your birthday.”

You couldn’t help but laugh a bit at his words, “Well, yes. And I could still kill you for all of those things. But,“ you started, turning your body towards him to look into his eyes, “You also helped me calm the cows during the storm. You gave me the most meaningful birthday present I could’ve thought of. You brought me a basket full of my favorite fruits even though you still deny that you did-”

He let out a soft chuckle before interrupting you, “That wasn’t me,“ he insisted once again with a grin on his face.

“Sure, Park,“ you rolled your eyes at him picking up this discussion again, “You might think you’re being cold but you’re not at all.”

Now he turned to face you too, both of you lying on the side, looking in each other’s eyes. His brows narrowed as he tried to say something to you, the expression in his eyes seemed to be hurt, maybe even guilty.

A heavy sigh came from his lips before he closed his eyes, “I just left you. That morning. I just got up and left.”

Those words made you freeze. After all, you came here to talk about exactly that but it seemed so wrong right now, “We don’t have to talk abou-”

“I just left,“ he repeated, seeming disappointed with himself, “I never just left someone after having sex with them. There were people that meant way less to me and I still stayed the morning after. I am being a complete asshole to you all the time and still, you don’t hate me. You’re here, trying to make sure I’m okay.”

Keeping quiet was the only thing you could do at that moment. Jinyoung’s words seemed harsh but the tone in his voice sounded guilty. Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t say anything - you had no idea what Jinyoung was trying to say.

“Jinyoung,“ you finally started after a few seconds, his full attention on you, “This day is hard enough for you already. We don’t have to talk about that right now. I’m not mad at you.”

“You should be though. I know, I am pretty amazing but not even such a godlike man like me shouldn’t treat you like this,“ he joked but both of you knew it was his way of comprehending because he didn’t know how to handle the conversation you were about to have since he always struggled to talk about his feelings, especially sober.

“Why did you leave then?” you asked him the one question you asked yourself over and over again. There could have been millions of options in your mind. Maybe, he regretted it and it was just a drunk mistake. Maybe, the feelings you thought he had for you were just sexually. Maybe, he simply had to go and do something early in the morning. So many maybes that have gone through your head without any idea if any of those maybe’s were right.

“I don’t know. I wish I didn’t,“ he bit his lip nervously, not looking into your eyes anymore, afraid to see your reaction, “Maybe I’m afraid.”

“Afraid of what?” you asked, not sure if you actually wanted to know the answer. You felt many emotions when it came to Park Jinyoung. You felt happiness, joy, hope, possibly love. On other days you felt powerless, insecure and confused. What you never felt was being afraid. Pretty sure, you actually felt safe around him.

“I’m not as flawless and strong as I constantly try to convince you I am,“ he sighed, pressing his lips into a straight line, “I couldn’t stand to hurt you because of my own problems. But I still did.”

Slowly you nodded as your heart was sinking deeper and deeper in your stomach, “You’ve got to talk to me, Jinyoung. What are you thinking about?”

Jinyoung hated this probably even more than you did. He was good in so many things - he was a good friend, a better brother and the best son. He was an amazing cook and apparently, an amazing piano player. He could flirt like no tomorrow and crack jokes around his friends that would make everyone laugh. He could drink a lot and he could make your heart beat faster. There were countless things he was able to be and to do without any problem. But when it came to talking about his feelings and showing his vulnerable side he failed. You knew that just as good as everyone else but if he wouldn’t talk, you couldn’t continue to work on your relationship.

“I,“ he started but stopped, looking at you sternly while clenching his jaw a bit. His eyebrows furrowed and his expression looked almost pained, trying to find the right words, “I think that I loved the night with you. I did, really. But maybe, it was a bit thoughtless of us.”

“So, what you’re trying to say is that you regret it,“ you stated, trying to just get this conversation over with, hoping he couldn’t see or hear that you felt like he just put a knife in your stomach.

„God, no,“ his answer bursted out of him like a bullet before he started mumbling to himself, „I am truly terrible at this.“

You gave him a few seconds to gather his thoughts even though the silence was deafening. This wasn't how you expected to spend your first time in Jinyoung's bed at all.

„I like you, (y/n),“ he then spoke, determined, „Obviously I do. And I think you like me too, or at least I hope you do. But we were drunk and desperate when we had sex and I wanted it to be special.“

You couldn't help but pout at his helpless confession, adoring him even more than before. Within seconds all of your doubts vanished – as long as Jinyoung liked you too you would find a way to work everything out. Trying not to let your overflowing happiness show, you gave him a small smirk, „You thought about us having sex?“

Luckily, his body relaxed too, an annoyed smile appearing on his handsome face, „All the time,“ he scrunched his nose, his arm wrapping itself around your waist.

„So, what you're saying is that you ignored me for days because you didn't like the way it happened?“ you asked him, coming back to the actual topic.

Frowning, he sighed, „When you put it like this it sounds stupid.“

„Because it is,“ you insisted, squinting your eyes at him, „I thought you avoided me because you hated me or something like that.“

„I'm so sorry,“ he apologized again, his face coming closer to yours, „Apparently, I'm very bad at this.“

„So, what are we doing now?“ you asked him, feeling a bit anxious even though Jinyoung just told you that he liked you too, so you had nothing to worry about.

„First, I want to kiss you if you're fine with that,“ his fingers were drawing little patterns on your waist, „and then I'd like us to become something serious.“

Nodding, you did as he asked and gave him a kiss, his soft lips feeling just as good, if not better, as you remembered them. You felt something like butterflies in your stomach and you thought that Jinyoung would probably make fun of you if he knew how jolly he made you feel.

Breaking from the kiss, the most handsome man you've ever seen stared you down for a second, not saying anything.

„We should celebrate,“ he suddenly suggested.

„What do you have in mind?“ you asked him curiously, not once escaping his gaze.

„Let me take you out to dinner,“ his voice was sweet as honey and you were sure you never heard him talk in such a soft tone – it might be the rest of guilt he still felt towards you or the fact that now you officially knew about each other's feelings but you could get used to it. You wanted to get used to it.

„Right now?“ you asked him, wondering if it would be okay considering it was his father's birthday.

„I don't wanna wait a second longer,“ he smirked at his own cheesiness, getting out of his bed to get ready to go.

You joined him, „Stop being so loving. God, where did my cynical Jinyoung go?“

Rolling his eyes, he chuckled as he wrapped his arm around your waist, walking down the hallway with you. „This changes nothing,“ he gestured between the two of you, „You're still terribly annoying even if we're together now.“

„I could get used to the sound of that,“ you scrunched your nose as your eyes met before you repeated his words, „We're together now.“

Even though he tried to hide it, he was just as excited about the label as you were. You could feel it in the way he touched you and the sparkle in his eyes gave him away.

A few minutes later you were sitting outside of the restaurant in the heart of your city, the marketplace was pretty quiet as it slowly got dark outside, a candle lit on your table.

The owner of the restaurant greeted you, raising his eyebrow and smirking as he saw the two of you together. „Oh, what a nice sight to see the two of you here together. Is this a date by any chance?“

You let Jinyoung answer, not knowing if he was okay with telling people yet.

„It's still a secret so you have to keep quiet, please,“ he answered with a proud smile on his lips and you could swear his chest was sticking out a bit.

„What a pretty couple,“ he sang as he went back inside, giving you a bit of time to read the menu and decide on what to eat.

Even though it was almost autumn it was still warm outside – you loved those kind of late summer evenings. Without even having a single sip of alcohol you felt almost tipsy, the man opposite of you making you feel all light and smitten.

„This is the downside of living in such a small town,“ Jinyoung started, his skin glowing in the candlelight, „We have zero privacy.“

„I don't mind,“ you shrugged, „They're going to find out sooner or later. It's the charm of towns like ours.“

„I just would like to take you out on a date every now and then without one of the guys crashing it because they see us,“ he explained, „But you're right, it's not as bad here as I make it out to be.“

He took your hand that was resting on the table, caressing it with his thumb. Every touch you two shared make you shiver in anticipation for more. Even though you already knew you were head over heels for him you felt yourself falling deeper every time you touched.

Time went by way too fast for your liking and before you knew it you two had your dinner, your dessert and even some drinks afterwards. The atmosphere was light, both of you enjoying each other's company after not talking for some days.

„I don't want this night to end just yet,“ you pouted. Before you dared to take his hands you glanced around to see if Bambam was anywhere to be seen, not wanting him to disturb your peace.

Your new boyfriend, still a weird thought to call him that, nodded, „I can stay if you want to.“

Before you could say anything he fastly added, „I don't have to though. It's your decision. I can leave too.“

You gave him a weird glance, „You're acting like this would be a first for us.“

Not saying anything he almost froze in front of you, fidgeting with his hands, staring at your door. For a few seconds you mustered him, waiting if he'd say something but nothing came out of his mouth, which was pretty unusual for him.

„Oh god, you're nervous!“ your grin was a mile wide and you clapped your hands amused, „Park Jinyoung is nervous because of me. I can't wait to tell my diary about this.“

Frustration was written all over his face as he closed his eyes as if he couldn't believe himself. „Your diary must be full of my name,“ he mumbled under his breath before looking at you again, the satisfied smile on your face provoking him, „Stop making fun of me.“

As you were searching for your keys in your back he hugged you from behind, pressing a kiss against your hair, “Let’s drink some beer and watch a movie.”

Nodding, you stole a quick kiss from his lips and opened the door, letting the both of you in. 

“I’m going to get a blanket,” you informed him, “Get some beers, I’ll meet you in the couch in a minute.

„What do you wanna watch?“ he asked you a few moments later, one leg bent while the other one was spread out on your sofa, his arm spread on the back of it, just waiting for you to join him.

The sight of him comfortably sitting on your sofa gave you the most domestic feeling you've felt in a long time – he seemed to look even better than before somehow.

„Let's watch an animal documentation,“ you responded, sitting down next to him. The blanket you brought from your bedroom spread over the two of you, you dared to cuddle yourself up to him and he seemed to enjoy it as much as you, giving your head a quick kiss, your face resting on his chest.

„You're weird,“ he muttered, „Let's watch a horror movie instead.“

Giving him an unimpressed glance, you sighed, „How cliche.“

You could feel his chuckle going through his chest, „At least it would give me a reason to stay for the night.“

Rolling your eyes, you looked up at him, his glance already on you, „Why? Because you're too afraid of horror movies? Because I am certainly not.“

„I have such a brave girlfriend,“ he acknowledged in a sarcastic tone while opening two beers, handing you one, „Here's to us, babe.“

Clinking your bottles, you took a sip of your beer, „So, you're a babe kind of guy? Wouldn't have thought that.“

„I can call you asshole if you prefer that,“ he said seriously before starting to laugh at his own joke once again.

And with that, the rest of the evening was just as perfect as the first part. It was just you, Jinyoung, some beers and Netflix. Every now and then you shared kisses, sometimes those kisses were a bit more passionate and longer, turning into full make-out sessions before Jinyoung started to whine because he missed the plot of the movie you were watching.

“God, I’m so happy,” he told you softly as you were slowly falling asleep in his arms, relaxing completely under his touch, “I wanted this for so long.”

｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+

You and Jinyoung managed to keep your relationship a secret for about two weeks. It took you only two short weeks to decide that it didn’t make any sense to keep it from them. Not only were both of you pretty sure that the relationship between you was serious but also, like always, none of your friends stopped their teasing, making it difficult to stay hidden because their eyes were always on you.

“We have to tell them,” your boyfriend looked at you, “It’s a miracle they didn’t find out yet.”

You chuckled, wrapping your legs around his, “I guess you’re right. But they are going to be so nosey about it. I hate it already.”

It was a late summer Saturday evening, probably one of the lasts warm days for this year and Bambam decided to gather your friends and your family together for one last barbecue.

Walking outside, you linked your arm with Jinyoung’s, something you’ve never done before in front of other people. A part of you almost felt nervous to let the rest know.

“You’re ready?” he asked you, giving you a small wink as you walked towards the big table next to the barbecue grill. Your families were already sitting down on the big table while Jaebeom and Jackson were struggling to get the barbecue grill to work. It was a beautiful evening, the sun was still high but was about to sink, the warm summer breeze felt refreshing and the big table in the garden was full of drinks and food, from meat to salads to bread to vegetables. Jaebeom’s parents were there too, currently mixing some cocktails.

Bambam was the first to spot the two of you walking out of your cottage, giving you a confused glance, his eyebrows narrowed. He stopped telling the other a story he was in the middle of, wondering about the sudden skinship. Immediately, everyone turned their heads to where he was looking, wondering what made Bambam speechless.

As you arrived you said nothing, waiting for anyone to say something.

Jaebeom looked at you with a big grin on his face, “What is that supposed to mean?”, he asked, pointing onto your linked arms.

“You are fucking with us, aren’t you?”, your cousin asked suspiciously, “Ha Ha. Very funny.”

“No Bam, for once I’m serious, you replied, amused because he didn’t believe you, “Are you really surprised?”

Mrs. Park and your uncle looked at each other, a smile on their faces.

“Jinyoung, are you serious? You can’t trick your old mother like this, don’t make me excited for something that isn’t true.”

Jinyoung chuckled at his mother, nodding, “Don’t worry, mum. I’d never lie to you.”

Bambam still didn’t seem to believe you, “If you’re not kidding you gotta kiss,” he insisted with a sly smirk, thinking that he exposed you now.

You looked at Jinyoung, giving him a questioning glance, not knowing if he’d be comfortable kissing you in front of everyone. But he didn’t seem to care and just shook his head amused before he came closer to give you a short, but still very adorable, kiss on your lips, his arm now around your waist, before turning to Bambam, who looked like he was about to faint.

“Who do you think you are just dating my cousin without asking me for permission?” he yelled angrily, getting ready to fight Jinyoung.

You, Jaebeom and Jackson started to laugh out loud as Bambam started to chase after Jinyoung.

Sitting down on the table right next to Jaebeom’s seat he pinched your cheeks lightly, “Congratulations, finally trapped him, huh?”

You nodded, “Was about time. I was slowly going insane.”

“In a more peaceful minute, you need to tell me all about how it happened, alright?” your best friend said with a satisfied smile on his lips, “And don’t forget me now that you’re in love.”

“How could I ever?” you promised, laughing as Jinyoung came back to the table, out of breath from running away from Bambam.

“Your cousin is crazy, (y/n),” he breathed heavily, shaking his head, “Maybe I have to reconsider becoming part of your family.”

“Well, too late now,“ you shrugged as Bambam joined the table again too, a goofy smile on his face as he turned to you.

“So, I assume I can’t try to set you up with Yugyeom anymore, right?” he joked, sitting back down on his chair and opening two cans of beer, one for himself and the other one for you.

„You better watch your mouth,“ your boyfriend warned Bambam, giving him a warning glance.

A few hours later, the sky was pitch-black by now and the stars sparkling, you noticed that Jinyoung was gone for quite some time now and decided to go check up on him - you saw him going to the barn earlier.

As you walked over to Jinyoung he already noticed you but didn’t look at you yet. Instead, you only saw his back as he was busy giving Bertha some kisses.

“Oh no, don’t worry, Bertha,“ he talked to her, “You’re still my favorite cow, just don’t tell (y/n).”

You rolled your eyes, scoffing, “You’re trying to make me jealous?”

He turned around, acting as if he didn’t realize you coming on, “Oh no, (y/n),“ his voice was mocking, “You shouldn’t have seen this, I can explain, I promise.”

Laughing at his own joke, he came over to you and put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him. Trying to give you a kiss, you freed yourself from his grip, giving him the cold shoulder.

“No, go and kiss Bertha, if you love her so much,“ you huffed and held your chin up high, trying to stay serious but Jinyoung wasn’t having it. Within seconds his arms were wrapped around you once again, now tighter than before so you couldn’t escape if you wanted.

Pulling you into a hug, he locked his eyes with you, a joyful smile on his still so beautiful lips, “You’re so annoying.”

Scoffing, you avoided his eyes, still playing hard to get, „I thought we're over the whole 'you're annoying me' phase.“

„Actually, each time I told you that you're annoying I fell in love with you a bit more,“ your boyfriend confessed, still hugging you tightly before smirking, „But you still were a pain in the ass.“  

You gave him a quick and small kiss before resting your forehead against his, “I want to spend the rest of my life annoying you.”

He let out a small laugh, his eyes closed. “Oh, that’s good,“ suddenly he picked you up, giving you no other chance as to hold onto him, your legs around his waist as he was holding you up, his arms tightly around your waist, “Because I want to spend the rest of my annoying life with you.”

｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

the end! if you read this whole thing i wanna thank you. this is my first long scenario and it took me a lot of time to finish it. of course, i have a lot improvement to do but i hope i could at least make someone happy with it. :)

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @likeaforgottenmemory

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a bucket shape, with jupiter as the handle of the bucket. your jupiter is in the 7th house, hence matters regarding relationships and love will be your priorities in this lifetime. you also have clear ideas about your future and who you want to be. even though you may have different passions and talents you’re capable of only sticking to one and mastering it, giving your all.

your dominant planets are venus, the moon and neptune. you're a very romantic person who strives for peace and balance, you like equality and you hate injustices and conflicts. you're also very creative and you have artistic interests, you have a strong imagination and you may often get lost in your own thoughts. yet, you could be a bit too emotional or moody.

your dominant sign is libra. you're overall a peaceful person, you try to avoid conflicts if possible, even though sometimes you could have a sharp tongue. you're a romantic person, maybe too much. you hold unrealistic expectations of people, hence you often get disappointed when things don't turn out the way you thought. you're able to see both sides of an argument, and that's both good and bad. in fact, you're very objective, and most probably your opinions are right; yet, it may be annoying for people that are venting to you, as you could constantly point out their mistakes, even though you don't do it out of malice.

your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking for knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.

🌎 ascendant in libra, 18° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus

you're naturally likeable, you have a particular charm to you that makes everyone drool over you. you're very nice and outgoing, you always try to make others feel at ease. you're very considerate of others' feelings. you strive for fairness and justice, it's the way you approach others and the world. basically, you treat others like they treat you: if they're kind with you, you'll be very sweet. otherwise, you'll turn very sarcastic and harsh, almost cold at a certain point. this can make you seem quite aggressive, especially with your impulsive sagittarius moon. you're very opinionated, you always feel the need to express your thoughts as you're very proud of them. in addition, since you always decide whether something is right or not, you may come off as a know-it-all. on the other hand, you're very sociable and you enjoy being in company, doesn't matter whether you're with your family, friends, lover etc. you may get to know many people throughout your life, but your friendships may not be much stable. you are surrounded by people, but you could feel lonely particularly often. I also need to point out that libra is ruled by venus, the planet of beauty. you're most likely very attractive and magnetic. even if not necessarily conventionally, people find themselves attracted to you. you may have sparkling doe eyes, with also full lips and a defined cupid's bow. your face is more on the longer side, perhaps you have an heart-shaped face, with high cheekbones and a pointy chin. you may also have naturally amazing, fluffy and flowing hair. your body is also very feminine, with a lot of curves and softness to it. it's very romantic, to sum up. also, your hair is probably naturally beautiful; it could be curly, or at least it's very thick and healthy-looking, even if you don't take much care of it.

libra ascendant opposite aries jupiter: you probably learn a lot from people around you. you're most likely surrounded by wise, spiritual and possibly foreign individuals in your life. they help you to grow up, both spiritually and mentally. this placement also enhances your libra-sagittarius energy, making you look even more outgoing and approachable. you're also very open-minded, and you rarely have prejudices. the downside to this placement is that you may depend too much from your friends or lovers, especially when it comes to your beliefs. you're easy to influence, and you may change your mind often if others disagree with you. you could possibly have high expectations from others, creating a false idea of those who surround you. at least, you're aware of your abilities and you have the potential to make the most out of them, but you're modest about it. you don't come off as bossy, as other jupiter - asc aspects would.

🌞 sun in libra, 4° / 1st decan ruled by venus

this is the most romantic and kind-hearted libra decan. you are very intuitive, you understand others’ real feelings very easily. you’re very polite and mannered, you have this innate elegance about you that could make people jealous. you may even come off as snob. even though you may look flaky at first, once people get to know you you’re actually very reliable and trust-worthy, as you are a person of strong morals. you may unconsciously manipulate people, but you don’t do it with malice. in fact, you’re probably not even aware of it most of the times. you’re reserved, and you don’t like being the centre of attention, despite craving compliments. nonetheless, you still like getting to know new people; you’re the type to know everyone, but you may struggle to find actual best friends, as your bonds with people are quite undeveloped and superficial. you have a nice sense of humor, and you may rely on sarcasm a lot. you’re also the type that doesn’t like to accept her mistakes. probably, when you were a child you used to scream 'it’s not my fault!’ in every occasion. in life, you strive for equality and fairness. for example, you don’t want to give less than someone else, you would feel guilty about it. at the same time, you don’t want to be the one that gives more either; you’re afraid that people could take advantage of you. therefore, balance is what you find the most pleasant.

🌙 moon in sagittarius, 9° / 1st decan ruled bt jupiter

you're an outgoing and warm person, who always tries to make others feel at ease. I assume you try to be nice to everyone, but you can't help but be a little awkward around people you don't know. with your sagittarius moon, you go with the flow and don't shy away from challenges. they're moments to prove your potential and abilities. you are an extremely open-minded person, you rarely judge a book by its cover. you probably despise racism, homophobia, misogyny etc. with a passion (as you should tbh). you may also be into poetry, philosophy, and just anything that can stimulate both your mind and feelings. in fact, your mind is constantly wandering somewhere else, allowing you to travel with your fantasy. you're also probably attracted to foreign things, like people, music, fashion, languages, movies etc. you love learning about anything, and you may also have a good memory. in fact, it’s common for you to be the one who explains things and possibly even leads a group, and this could unluckily make you seem as a know-it-all. you do take pride in your wisdom, indeed. your deep way of thinking is also where your desire for freedom comes from, as you wish to be able to expand yourself through travelling and new experiences. when you get angry, you can actually get quite rude and offensive, even towards authorities. you’re short-tempered, and you despise being told what to do. you’re also a good, loyal friend, and you’re the type to stand up for them and defend them during a fight. you’re friendly, especially with people you feel comfortable with, and you probably love talking. you’re able to put a smile on others’ face just by telling your stories, even though you never truly go in-depth. you're quite optimistic, as you see good in everyone. yet, while this is a good trait that allows you to be more at ease in relationships, you may also be fooled easily due to your blind optimism.

sagittarius moon conjunct sagittarius saturn: you most probably felt misunderstood during your childhood, as if everyone were cold with you. maybe your mother (or anyone in your family/childhood) was emotionally absent or even aggressive, hence you didn't grow up in a completely healthy environment. this issue causes you to question your worth; you may have low self-esteem, especially during your early years. your family may have big expectations of you, and hence you feel the need to meet them, making you even more pressured to be perfect. overall, your personality may resemble that of your parents a lot, even though it may feel challenging for you. you're constantly strict with yourself, challenging yourself to improve. especially with your libra dominance, you always want to be at your best state, physically but also emotionally. you just want to radiate good vibes, even though you may feel limitated to share all of your true self due the moon making this harsh aspect to saturn.

🗣 mercury in libra, 29° / 3rd decan ruled by venus and mercury

you're very diplomatic! you always try to be nice and gentle with your words, you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. your tone of voice is extremely soft, sometimes it could even be hard to understand what you say, as you could naturally have a high voice. you're extremely balanced, you have amazing problem-solving skills as you're able to see both side of an argument. it's natural for you to understand what's right and what isn't, and most of the times you're actually right. when you're with someone you're not really close to, you could even be the accommodating type who allows others to speak over your voice, or maybe you let others speak first as a gesture of kindness. I feel like with your sagittarius moon you have very strong opinions, and you're actually particularly proud of them. luckily, this placement makes you able to communicate them with diplomacy. you could often get angry if someone tries to prove you wrong, but aside from that, you try to be very elegant and formal when you speak. you're probably not fond of cursing, or at least you try to appear as mannered as possible with people you're not comfortable around. last but not least, you're such a charismatic, smooth talker that you result very persuasive. you're able to trick people with your words, which appear very diplomatic and calm.

libra mercury opposite aries jupiter: this placement emphasizes your intellect. your mind is so broad that you can come up with different theories and philosphies, making you a sort of genius. you're probably good at memorizing things, and you could even have a photographic memory. yet, with this aspect, you may have troubles being consistent with your ideas. you may overestimate your needs and thoughts; for example, you may promise yourself to get all As in maths, then you get tired and bored and you end up getting Cs. same goes for your handwriting, for example: you may start writing in the best way possible, then you get lazy and end up writing in a sloppy way just to take notes. you also overthink a lot, and that causes you self-esteem issues. on the other hand, you're very open-minded and objective, as you look at the big picture. you'd do very well as a journalist, for example, or perhaps also as a judge of any kind. you may also be naturally skilled at foreign languages, you can mimic accents pretty well. you're probably also very poetic and / or wise, you're like a teacher for your friends.

❤️ venus in libra, 14° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus

you're very romantic, and this placement helps your sagittarius moon being less flaky. you're not looking for a partner, you're looking for a whole disney prince. you do care about looks when choosing a lover, but not necessarily a conventionally beautiful person. they have to appear perfect at your eyes, and this usually depends on the way they treat you. in fact, you despise vulgar, rude people. people that act like that immediately become unattractive to you. you're also very picky, exactly because you're looking for the perfect lover. you're probably the type to cry at movies. you're also quite of a cliche; you're into roses, romantic dinners, sunsets... anything romantic that you hear about in fairytales. the problem with this placement is that you may overestimate the people you frequent, ending up having different expectations from reality. probably, you may idealize people too much; that is, you may create a version of others that only exists in your head. hence, once you get to know someone better, they turn out to be the exact opposite of what you thought. this causes you to be sort of naive when it comes to relationships, so pay extra attention to this problem now that you're aware of it.

☄️ mars in virgo, 23° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and venus

your life revolves around being productive. you don't like to waste your time, you always try to learn and gain something useful from everything you do. that's caused by the fact that you're motivated to be perfect in what you like; this, combined with your competitive nature, may often cause you to burn out. in fact, the downside to this placement is that you may overwork yourself too much. this is bad, especially considering your heavy libra dominance: pisces is all about imagination, creativity, beauty, romance... if you work too much, you don't have time to travel with your mind, and that's a serious issue for a libra. in fact, it may be hard for you to endure too much hard work. you're capable of achieving your goals, but in order to do that you also need a break from time to time.

virgo mars square sagittarius saturn: this is another placement that indicates that something or someone is trying to restrict you, they're trying to prevent you from following your dreams and taking your own choices for your life. that someone is most likely an individual that has a lot on impact on you, it's someone very authoritative. or perhaps, it may even be a bully or abuser of any sort. as a result, you either rebel and get extremely angry, or you hide all of your disappointment inside of you. but soon or after, all of your intense feelings are going to eat you alive if you keep going like this, it's a very unhealthy behaviour. you could find it extra hard to achieve your goals, as when you try you always come across some hardships. what matters the most, is that you try to be more positive, you could even try manifesting more patience or serenity. you can't hold onto anger so much, or it will just fill you with negativity that could damage you. let it all go, focus on your goals and try to understand how to be more patient. in fact, you may often feel like you need to do everything as soon as possible, when it's not like that. you can allow yourself to be more calm and live life as it comes, it will make you feel much better with yourself and you'll also get more mature, which is crucial to learn your saturnian lessons and increase your self-confidence.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in libra. you always try to be kind and friendly with people you don't know; you most likely don’t like conflicts, you prefer avoiding them, even though you may have some troubles with that due to your impulsive and fiery sagittarius moon. you probably care a lot about your appearance, and because of that you could get insecure from time to time. usually, people with libra in their 1st house look for themselves in others, as their chart is basically upside down. you also have your libra mercury in this house; you enjoy communicating and intellectualism. you’re very curious about everything that surrounds you. you love expanding your knowledge, ideas and mind in general through communication, interactions and media. you have the ability to adapt quickly to new situations; your mind is fast, usually impulsive, and you are able to come up with new ideas and solutions quickly. since you’re constantly mentally active, physically you may also tend to play with your fingers or hair, or maybe you tend to gesticulate while you speak. your scorpio pluto is also in the 1st house: you see the world as a place full of dangers and malice, hence it’s hard for you to trust people. this awareness of the world makes you look mysterious and secretive, as if you always know something more than others (and you probably do). pluto is also the planet of transformation, and you might experience a lot of rebirths throughout your life, both physically and emotionally. you might lose/have lost a big amount of weight, for example, which makes you look like a different person. or maybe, you like dying your hair of a different colour, giving you a different vibe.

your 2nd house is in scorpio, with also your moon and saturn placed there. this placement can make you seem a bit selfish. in fact, you’re extremely possessive of your possessions, you don’t want to share them with others. there’s a lot of karma around your finances. in fact, if you’re too stingy, it may bite your butt. you need to give in order to receive, so I’d suggest you to share your things more with others. you could share a meal with a friend, for example. you’ll surely get something positive back from it. your finances may not be stable either; they are in constant change, and while this placement can make you earn quite a great amount of money, it can also make you lose everything you have. no inbetweens. the 2nd house is also about self-esteem, your relationship with your appearance. you have contrasting feelings about it; some days, you’re very confident. other days, you hate yourself. you may find flaws in every single picture you take or every pants you try on. it’s a very intense placement, as you may often feel as if you need to change your appearance in order to love yourself. based on other placements in your chart, it could manifest in spending money in a new wardrobe for example, as you feel like changing your style would help you boost your self-confidence. the moon here also gives you materialistic tendencies; you may struggle to show your feelings with words, you tend to show your feelings through material things such as gifts. you're probably the type to say I love you through gestures instead of words, even though your libra dominance just makes you very affectionate in general. saturn here could have given you some troubles with your finances in your early years; perhaps your family used to struggle with money, and as a result you can get quite anxious when spending money, you hate waste. this could also manifest in your sense of self-worth; you could have been quite insecure, especially before your 30s. you may have to work extra hard to achieve wealth and / or self-esteem, but at least you're going to be quite successful and confident.

your 3rd house is in sagittarius, with also your uranus and neptune placed there. this is an amazing placement for a writer! you’re extremely open-minded and philosophical. you’d probably do great at poetry or just literature in general. you’re thirsty for knowledge, you aspire to learn everything you can, you enjoy being smart and educated. you most likely love comedy, and you have an amazing sense of humor yourself, you’re able to light up the room and make everyone burst into laughter even if you don’t mean to. you’re also very intelligent, you’re able to memorize things fast and you’re also a fast-learner. you may be less into gossips than other libras, as you’re very benevolent and considerate of others’ feelings. in addition, you’re able to see the good in everyone, there’s no reason for you to talk behind someone’s back. actually, it’s the opposite. you’re quite impulsive, you say things as they are. uranus and neptune are also sitting in this house: you are extremely creative, you are able to come up with very innovative ideas easily. the downside is that you may sometimes end up sounding a bit like a know-it-all when stating your opinions, as you're very passionate about them.

your 4th house is in capricorn. I can tell that your childhood was quite complex. not necessarily bad, I don't see any kind of trauma, but you probably had to grow up way sooner than other kids. your parents could have been very hard-working and focused on their jobs, possibly wealthy too. they were very responsible and cared a lot about you, they always made sure you had everything you needed, even though they could have been slightly absent from time to time due to their jobs. people with a capricorn ic usually find something missing in their childhood, they had to deal with responsibilities from a young age. it could even be that you started working when you were still a teen, or maybe you had to take care of the house or of your siblings for them. you weren’t much extroverted, you preferred staying in, drawing, playing games etc. it could also be that one of your parents may be absent; they could be divorced, or in the worst case they might have died when you were pretty young.

your 5th house is in aquarius. you’re extremely creative, your ideas are very innovative, and you may have particular hobbies, interests or taste than others. when you’re able to fully express yourself, you gain full security and you start experimenting and inventing new things. you could be the type to start new fashion trends, music styles, art styles… basically, you’re a creative genius. your hobbies may also involve astrology, as well as human studies like psychology, or also anything that has to do with technology. you may be into videogames for example, tv series, social media… they’re your way to spend your free-time and relax. your relationships may also be very unconventional; you could usually date people online, or perhaps you may have the potential to meet someone through dating apps. they’re quite unstable, they may end out of the blue for example. yet, the part of fortune here makes it better; in fact, you’ll be able to achieve the best of your luck through creative outlets. again, if I were in you I’d definitely try writing something! you may also dedicate yourself to fashion, art, music, etc., anything that stimulates your creativity.

your 6th house is in pisces. in your daily life, you hardly ever have a structured schedule. you go with the flow, you take things as they come. you may often have your head in the clouds, you could get distracted easily and you may literally creative oscar-worthy movies in your head instead of doing what you need to do. your job may involve arts, images, possibly even fame. you should definitely use your creative talents for your possible career. also, you could benefit from helping others; you could be a psychologist or therapist of any kind, a nurse… any place where you’re able to help others. again, you could also help others through your art, hence with your lyrics, books, etc. when it comes to diets, workout routines, skincare routines etc. you could lack consistency, even though your libra energy makes you more motivated to take care of your appearance. you may sleep a lot, it’s easy for you to feel tired and stressed even when you’re not over-working yourself.

your 7th house is in aries, with also your jupiter sitting in this house. love is most likely not your priority in life, even though you're very romantic. you need independence, and you’re able to stand up for yourself on your own. you don’t need someone else to help you. for you, love is a want, not a need. you tend to attract partners in your life that are hot-headed, stubborn, assertive and goal-oriented. they strive to be the best at everything they do, they’re extremely competitive and willing to do anything to achieve their goals. basically, you attract very dominant partners, but you don’t want to be dominated or controlled. you may often experience power struggles between you and your partner, which cause you issues in every relationship you get in. at the same time, you wouldn’t stand someone too submissive either, as you still need someone that would mentally stimulate you. they may actually be quite selfish and self-centered, they’ll care more about their own development rather than that of you two as a couple. an aries 7th house indicates that while you’ll have a very active, passionate spouse, you may also experience lots of arguments and discussions in your marriage life, perhaps even physical violence in the worst case. your jupiter here luckily makes things better; while you may often experience power-struggles with your partners, you most likely attract very outgoing and altruistic people as well that could help you feel loved. you may also have tons of people crushing on you, you could have lots of luck with love and even with friendships.

your 8th house is in taurus. you have the most stable, stubborn sign in a house that requires constant change. you probably hate changing your routine and stepping out of your comfort zone. changes are hard for you to accept; you find it hard to change job all of a sudden for example, or even letting go of a toxic friend of yours can be stressful for you. also, you could be quite materialistic and fond of material possessions, causing you to be a bit too stingy, which isn’t good for your karma. another reason that this house contrasts with your 2nd house in scorpio is that you feel like you constantly need to change, but ironically slow taurus makes your changes way slower than usual. sometimes, when they happen, they’re so subtle that you probably can’t even see them or at least notice them at first. this placement may also indicate that you could get an inheritance, especially since your venus isn’t harshly aspected, and you’ll most likely have a peaceful death.

your 9th house is in gemini. gemini in the 9th house cusp usually makes people a bit close-minded, as they are very logical and careful in their approach to the world. you may change your ideas and opinions quite quickly, to the point that you could seem unconsistent. when learning new things, you like exploring different matters and subject, from maths to literature, but you may struggle to focus on only one. as a result, you may lack precision. you're probably a fast-learner and you're very witty and curious, you like learning about anything you can. you probably like studying, not necessarily at school but studying in general, and you may also be skilled at foreign languages. you could also be interested in foreign matters, such as cultures, music, etc.

your 10th house is in cancer. your career needs to be private. that doesn’t mean that you can’t become famous of course, but you prefer being more hidden at job, you may even work from home or from a young age. many celebrities with this placement, in fact, started working when they were still young. also, cancer indicates that your future job will give you the opportunity to express and / or deal with your / others’ feelings and emotions, and considering that the ruler of this house, the moon, is in the 2nd house, I can see you making loads of money thanks to your job. you could become a writer, a singer, an actress, as well as a nurse, a therapist… anything that allows you to express your emotions while also communicating something is suitable for you. you could possibly also choose the same career as your parents, or you may handle the family’s business for example. you could also end up doing the job of your childhood dreams. you feel the need to pursue a meaningful career in your life, you want to feel emotionally connected to it. you don’t only want something that allows you to earn money, you also want to gain wisdom and maturity from a job, and hence you could even be a bit picky in choosing your future career.

your 11th house is in leo, with also your mars placed there. with this placement, you’re probably very popular among your friends, you’re most likely the most talkative or funniest member of your group. you may also attract very popular people yourself in your friendships, perhaps even celebrities. possibly, you could even make friends that allow you to gain recognition and / or popularity, doesn’t matter whether it’s in school, job, etc. you could also have very big dreams for your future, probably regarding your career and finances. you most likely aspire to be wealthy and financially independent, you are very hard-working and possibly even a bit materialistic. mars here makes you attract a lot of people in your life. whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you’ll always be able to have someone by your side, even though you may struggle to create stable bonds. friends come and go, basically. you may attract very fierce, almost violent friends. they’re very energetic, and probably extroverted people who like socializing and enjoying life to the fullest. you're also very hard-working, and you aspire to achieve all of your dreams.

your 12th house is in virgo. this is another placement that indicates that you are an amazing writer! in fact, the 12th house is about secret skills too, and virgo is ruled by mercury, the planet of communication. you do the math. with this placement, though, I feel like you may feel restricted from pursuing your goals, or even a career in the public eye, as you’re quite sensitive to others’ criticism about you. you strive to be perfect all the time, and your libra rising wants to constantly have a nice reputation. a scandal, or even simple haters, would probably be the end of you. you also have venus placed here, meaning that deep down, you actually crave affection from someone else. yet, you may be afraid, or perhaps too shy to approach a possible partner. but remember, the 12th house is also the house of secret talents! in fact, especially with your libra rising, you’re extremely likeable. you shouldn’t be afraid of not being liked back, for example. remember that your love life will get better with time, as you become more mature in that field. the sun is also placed in this house; with this placement, I assume that you may struggle to take action. you may try to avoid conflicts at all costs, to the point that you could actually start victimizing yourself. you could struggle to accomplish your goals, you try to be productive but you may be too shy to be in the spotlight once you achieve your goals.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract aries, aquarius, sagittarius and libra placements. your future spouse will most likely have aquarius and libra traits placements; they’ll be very smart, creative, bold and confident, but also with a warm heart and a hidden insecurity to them. it could be love at first sight, and you may meet them through other people, maybe through your job or through your friends. your children will have strong aquarius, possibly capricorn placements. they’ll be very dreamy, they’ll have big goals for their life, and they’ll also be extremely intelligent and creative as well.

👶🏻 family life

your father is probably a very caring person that knows how to stand up for himself when he has to, but he may struggle to do that. he’s very smart, caring and empathetic, even though he may be a bit childish at times. he could have cancer placements in his chart, possibly scorpio too. your mother, on the other hand, is a bit more serious and focused on work, but she always made sure you always had what you needed. she was probably the strict parent in the family, but she still has some sweetness and nice humor to her. also, she may have capricorn, aquarius, sagittarius or cancer placements in her chart. if you have siblings, they most likely have sagittarius, aquarius, pisces and / or aries placements in their chart. they could be foreign or skilled at foreign languages, and you may feel very at ease with them. you have an amazing bond with them, you’re able to both relax and have fun together, even though you may discuss often. you could have been very jealous of each other when you were kids, maybe.

📊 career

as I've already mentioned above, you're going to pursue a career that will allow you to interact with others. you would probably do amazing at a job that requires you to help people, you could make a great nurse or psychologist for instance. you may also work as a teacher of any kind, not necessarily a professor or school teacher. you may also become a chief or a boss in your job, since the ruler of your midheaven (career), the moon, is in the sign of scorpio, and hence you will probably work alone, you won't have to depend on others. I definitely see you being successful in whatever you choose, you could become very independent and financially stable thanks to your job. possibly, you may also have a business with your future spouse. you could also work with children or for family, as a counselor for example. anything that allows you to interact with and help others would be great for you, as it would make you more empathetic and sensitive to the external world.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

you’re very traditional about your clothes, maybe even basic. you’re the type to have lots of essential clothes in your wardrobe, e.g a white shirt, white t-shirt, jeans etc. you love wearing sophisticated, elegant fits. for example, you may be fond of wide leg jeans, or maybe flare trousers, boatneck sweaters, tiny jewellery… things like that, that are always a must have. you may fancy pastel colors, or even neutral shades like black, white, grey, beige etc. you’re also the type to follow fashion trends.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life, you were a very spiritual individual. you were close to your higher self, and you probably were able to talk to ghosts, you used to interpret your dreams and you most likely were also interested in astrology and other occult matters. in this lifetime, you need to put your spirituality aside for a while, and focus on finding out your identity here on the earth. you can still use spirituality to find out, but your priority is learning your karmic lessons regarding your self-esteem and work. you’ll finally be able to reach happiness and fulfill your soul when you start having an organized schedule, which allows you to balance both your hobbies and work.

🤔 major transits analysis / april 22

the sun is currently transiting in your aries 7th house, exactly conjunct your jupiter. you could be feeling very needy lately, but very optimistic as well. you want to be with people, maybe with your loved ones, you feel like you need a lot of care and attention and as a result you're literally craving human interactions. you may get angry or disappointed easily though, as you could be quite impulsive as well, so beware of that. jupiter, on the other hand, is in your 5th house; you may be lacking discipline in these days, perhaps you tend to procrastinate as you feel quite tired and you have to relax. of course it's ok to take some time for yourself, but remember to be responsible as well; hard work pays off.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.

thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you! -libramc