#if i wasnt stupidly in love with him before i am now

[kindred-spirit-93]

WOAH

TIRESIAS GOT DEM MOVES HELP. how pen managed to keet a straight face is beyond me lol. oh and tele vibing in the corner 🥺

jay wearing a hood like odysseus shant be lost on me >:) i love this cast with my life oh my god

[fangirlingatstuff]

I’m genuinely so happy to find more people who still remember epic, and more importantly mandrake. I’m here to request a fic, a list of headcanons, just anything about this man being a devoted husband. This man is just bug Gomez Addams and I’m so here for it.

Please *shakes my little tin can at you* just a crumb of bug dilf

Absolutely!! I need more bug dilf as well 😔😔😔

There’s not as much of him in here as I intended, I need to write more fluff with him.

Enjoy!

Mandrake x Reader

Tentative Truce

—

Voices. Thats what you heard past the deafening sound of ringing in your ears. Hushed voices whispered to each other in panic. It was hard to breathe, like something was pressing tight against your chest and ribs, resisting every time you inhaled.

Your eyelids felt heavy as you forced them open, however they didn’t stay open. Regardless, everything was blurry, fading in and out of focus, and unbearably bright. So bright, it made you flinch and groan.

The voices quieted for a moment, then shuffling.

“Why did bring you here?!” A voice hissed.

“She was hurt! What was I supposed to do? Leave her to die in the mud?!” Another voice whisper-yelled.

“Not bring her to Moonhaven, are you insane?!”

Two voices, both male, arguing. At first, your brain could only register “two voices” and immediately thought of your loving husband and son. But…no, that wasnt right. Mandrake wouldn’t be bickering with Dagda, he would be at your side the moment he heard you stir, holding your hand, fussing over you.

Moonhaven…

Moonhaven?

In your exhausted and bleary state, you felt a hand against your forehead, soft and gentle and warm.

“Easy now,” a voice as smooth as the river spring said as the hand brushed the matted hair from your face. “You need your strength.”

“Ugh,” you let out another groan and tossed your head, eyes squeezing shut. “What—where-…where am I?”

“Nod you just put the entire forest at risk!” One of the voices snapped. “What do you think Mandrake will do when he finds out she is here? Hm?”

“Relax, Ronin! I was just trying to help—“

“Oh yeah, and Im sure he’ll understand. Here! Why don’t we just tell him exactly how you KIDNAPPED HIS WIFE—!”

“Both of you! Enough,” the woman cradling your head spoke.

With another groan, your eyes peeled open for the last time. The room was spinning, but over time it stilled.

The blinding light you were seeing was the sun, shining through tall green leaves and reflecting off of polished stone walls. There was never this much color in Wrathwood.

Another brush of hand against your side made you wince. Looking down, you see a slim dark hand against your side, pressing against a blood stained bandage that was wrapped around your chest. So thats why it was so hard to breathe in.

As you lay amongst soft white petals, you furrowed your brows in confusion. Then you looked up.

“Oh.” You blinked in surprise.

The woman gave you a friendly smile like you had been friends your whole life. She had a simple beauty to her, like how a breath of fresh air or the sight of blooming flowers felt beautiful. Natural, grounding and familiar.

“Sorry,” Queen Tara chuckled, raising a hand off of your body as you lay in her lap, “we couldn’t get you to the healers in time. This was our next best option.”

You swallowed and looked at her strangely. “It’s…okay?”

You sat up, the bandages pulling tight on your body as you held your head and tried to get rid of the airy feeling behind your eyes. “What happened?” You groaned, shaking your head.

“I think you got knocked off your bird by a hawk or something—“ a boy with brown hair said, before getting hit by a man in green armor. “Ow, hey!”

Ronin sneered and looked at you cautiously. The feeling was mutual as you bore your teeth in a hiss, although, it wasn’t nearly as effective when you weren’t a boggan yourself.

“Nod here found you on the forest floor bleeding,” he said, gesturing his head to Nod. “And stupidly,” he glared at him, “brought you here.”

“I didn’t know who she was!” Nod said, trying to defend himself. “I’ve never seen her without her helmet before!”

“That doesn’t matter!” Ronin said back.

“Boys, boys!” Tara spoke up, and instantly they both quieted. “Ronin, Nod did a good thing,” she smiled. “If he had left her there, who knows what would’ve happened. And then we’d have to deal with the consequences.”

You only looked back and forth between them with a raised brow.

“Uh, I’m sorry,” you interjected, eyes darting between them before looking at Tara sheepishly, “your majesty? Uh—“

“Please,” she snorted and waved you off, “you’re as much of a queen as I am! Call me Tara.”

“…your majesty,” you repeated, making clear the extent of your relation. “You…know who I am,” she nodded with a smile, “…so why in the seven hells did you allow me to be brought into your inner sanctum?!”

You looked at her in bewilderment. You were her enemy, the partner to the man who threatened her entire realm. So why on god’s green earth did she just so nonchalantly bring you in, heal you, and just idly keep you at her side?!

“You were hurt,” Tara answered bluntly. “Despite Ronin’s insistence,” said general crossed his arms with a glare towards you, “I would’ve have done the same for anyone.”

The irritation in you subsided. You blinked in surprise, looking at her with astonishment.

“Huh,” was all you could say.

“We should really send her away,” Ronin stepped forward, his hand never leaving the hilt of his katana. “Her being here is a threat, your majesty. We can’t risk her bringing the rest of the Boggans here.”

“She is our guest, Ronin,” Tara said firmly. “And besides, I can only heal so much!” You looked down at your torso, at the blood stained bandages that wrapped around and under your unclothed chest. It still hurt. “She still needs to rest.”

“If Mandrake figures out she’s here—“

You all stopped in place as a sudden boom rattled the ground beneath you, followed by the sound of screeching birds.

“Too late,” Nod said.

You sighed and shook your head. Always one for the dramatics, your husband.

You pushed off of your knees, grunting and wincing and pain as you tried to stand. Nod and Ronin rushed to your side, arms under your armpits and helping you stand.

“That’s my cue,” you grunted, the sound of clashing metal and shouts echoing down the stone halls.

“Come on,” Ronin scoffed. “Let’s get you back before your husband tears through my entire guard.”

“Wouldn’t be the worst thing,” you retorted, limping beside him.

You barely went out into the open without your weasel cloak, or the shrew skull you wore as a helmet. Ronin had been the only one in all those years to have seen you without your armor, at least when alongside your husband. So to the rest of the leafmen you were nothing more than an injured leafwoman or jinn, an associate, a peer, collateral damage that had been ushered in to be healed or a fellow soldier. They didn’t bat an eye as Ronin and Nod ushered you through the halls, your eyes squinting against the bright light of day outside the stone stronghold as the sound of battle grew closer.

You threw up your hand and winced at the bright sun light, glaring at it until the loud growl of your husband turned your head.

Looking left and right, you almost pushed Ronin away before your eyes fell onto the towering frame ahead among the many bodies of boggan soldiers versus leafmen. And damn it if you couldn’t stop the smirk on your face seeing Mandrake’s cloak swirl around him as he threw leafmen off the stone awning and slammed his cudgel against the ground. Damn it all if he wasn’t hot as hell when he fought with that sneer on his face.

“Mandrake!” You yelled, holding your side.

He didn’t even have to stop fighting to look up and spot you immediately, standing at his full height while kicking a leafman in the chest.

“Y/n!” He turned back to the leafman he was holding up in the air by the collar and growled. He slammed his head against the soldier’s, dropping him before stomping forwards.

Ronin gripped your arm tightly as you tried to pull away, glaring ahead as you tugged and cursed at him.

The moment he laid his hands on you once more, your carefully tuned ears picked up the sound of many many arrows being drawn.

You looked around, spying the dozen boggan archers hidden in the rocks now aiming their weapons towards Ronin and the leafmen who came to your side with shields raised. Your eyes fell on one particular archer, the familiar rat-pelt donned figure of your son Dagda.

“Weapons down,” your voice gave Mandrake pause as you yanked your arm once again to no avail. Ronin’s grip did loosen, however. He looked at you in surprise.

You looked up and made eye contact with your son, giving him a stern look.

Dagda glanced at Mandrake, then back at you, as if to say “are you sure?”

You nodded curtly.

He frowned and lifted his hand in a closed fist, telling the archers to hold as he lowered his bow.

With a huff, you got your arm out of Ronin’s grip, shooting him a glare and a well placed huff in his direction before running a hand over your head and sighing.

“Mandrake,” you said in relief and pushed past the leafmen who watched in shock and bewilderment.

Mandrake’s look softened and he let out a huff, shoulders relaxing. “Oh thank the gods,” he grumbled under his breath while rolling his eyes, his large hands settling on your shoulders as you stopped in front of him and he immediately began to fuss over you. “Are you ok? What happened—?”

“I fell off my bird,” you assured him and cupped his face with two hands, mostly to keep him from looking at your bandaged sides. “I’m fine, really.”

You stopped, sighing and looking back at where the leafmen were now parting, standing at attention as Tara made her way out of the palace walls. “She fixed me up,” you said, brows knitted together as you looked up at her with your arms crossed.

Mandrake looked up, his gaze immediately narrowing as he stood at full height once more, looking down at her.

“Tara,” he said with disdain.

“Mandrake,” she stopped and held her hands in front of her. That was one thing you respected about her, she wasn’t afraid to look her enemy in the eye. And she did it with grace too, even as her general behind her was biting his tongue until she returned to the safety of Moonhaven’s stoney walls.

“I apologize for the trouble,” Tara said with a smile. “Someone had found your wife badly injured on the forest floor without knowing who she was and brought her here.”

She raised her hands and looked at them. You noticed she still had some blood on her fingers.

“I healed as much as I could,” she added, looking back up and clasping her hands together and looked at you with a warm, friendly smile. “But you’ll have to figure out the rest. Personally, I’d recommend staying in bed for a bit, some good ole TLC never hurts.” With that, she winked at you, and it made you feel…strange. Tara was…a lot friendlier and more casual than you expected her to be.

Mandrake made a noise deep in his throat, moving his cudgel from one hand to the other.

“She’ll be fine,” he said bluntly, his hand itching to be somewhere on your body or to pull you closer. “Our healers will take care of everything.”

“Of course,” Tara bowed her head.

He let out a sharp exhale from his nose, putting a hand on your shoulder and pulling you back towards him, wrapping part of his cloak around you as he turned around and began walking away.

The other boggans cleared out, snarling and chittering both with each other and at the leafmen, mounting their birds as Mandrake’s grackle soared down and landed, ducking her head.

He was just about help you up onto his bird, Nightshade, when he stopped and turned his head slightly to look over his shoulder at Tara.

To your surprise, he gave her a slight nod, before heaving you up onto his bird and settling right behind you.

As he nudged his bird to take off, he pulled you into his lap, arm wrapped around your waist possessively as you took into the skies, leaving Moonhaven behind.

He was being unusually quiet. You almost said something, but he beat you to it.

“You’re not going to be leaving the nest for a while.”

You groaned and threw your head back as he didn’t even bother looking at you. “It wasn’t even my fault!”

“We need to find your bird as well,” he added.

“Hah! Good luck! I don’t know where those mockingbirds chased him!”

He looked down at you with a smirk and held you closer, nudging you and teasing, “Mockingbirds?”

“Oh don’t get me started,” you huffed and looked away, cheeks turning red as he chuckled and led the way back to your home.

[alsosprachvelociraptor]

Buenos dias Al, I'd like to ask a bit about your fankid character Benny. Is he a character that's still in use to you, that you still plan to draw in the future, or is he more on the back shelf? Secondly I'd like to ask how you feel about people drawing him, and your boundaries when it comes to that.

Finally I'd like to ask, and I'm a bit nervous to ask this non-anonymously but I think I'm ready, how do you feel about him being shipped with Tim or Jim? okay that's all thank youuuu ^3^

hi BASED CHAD, I'm glad you asked because I can finally yap without repercussions!

(Under the cut. Because im going to YAP.)

Benny is still in use actually, just not in the South Park context... as you probably know, I am currently (since 2019 acchsually 🤓☝) writing a collab crossover parody fic with my friend, called Winter Apocalypse, stupidly long and detailed at this point. (around 350k words long) TimJim does appear in this fic (in my spinoff Five Forts University), and Benny is their son in the nex-gen sequel Winter Post-Apocalypse. Since the story is still in progress, i've written about him very recently!

So him being also a South Park fanchild is more "secondary" to his genesis (almost accidental if you think about it, lol) and since i'm out of South Park, is rarer for me to draw him lately 😥

For fanarts of him- I had a period of time when I felt awkward about it. But it wasnt people's fault, only mine: I was living thru a difficult mourning and I was confused and aching inside. I didn't know what it was "canon" or "not canon" to him, I felt like he was slipping out of m control, and i got scared, so I kinda "retired" him out of the "market" to get my mind in place. Now i feel better, in general, and I am completely ok with fanarts of him! Even sexual ones now! Whatever! The only "boundary" is remembering he's deaf!

And about the ships? Let's say he loves very much his daddy Jimmy 😋 (he's absolutely meant to have a huge unresolved Oedipic complex for Jimmy + Jimmy is a bitch so iykyk) (Ben's normal to Tim tho. I never thought about them together, I dont really see it)

I also used to ship him with Jayden, Frosty's TimJim fankid (so technically Benny's brother in an AU where all fankids exist), but then during the bad period of time i mentioned before I kinda fucked up everything because i'm an idiot 😣

Thank you for stopping by and I will wait for the next mails (sounds vaguely menacing)

[angelicalbones]

just rambling about current events in my life happening right now its a stupidly long whinefest

boyf has been hella depressed the past few days and ive been checking in like "hey do you wanna talk" and every time he says no and doesnt engage any further. he also has told me before about how I linger and suffocate him too much so ive been trying to just do my own thing until he wants to engage

this morning I get up and come sit out on the couch w him bc he once again did not come to bed and slept on the couch and he didnt say a fucking word to me didnt even look me in the eyes. which fine he does that, I curl up next to him and try to comment on the game hes playing and I dont even get the vaguest grunt in response.

Clearly he does not want to speak just like he didnt last night. AGain completely fine I will just go do my own thing so I dont just sit around awkwardly in silence and make him upset by being too close.

Cue him telling me out of no where he is going to his aunt's house bc he cant stand being in the house any longer. I have no issue w that but I can hear in his voice hes angry so I ask him whats wrong. Meaning 'what right now is making you angry' and he fucking snaps on me about how he hates being in the house and asks me if I think everything is fine which no I obviously do not think so but whatever I tell him its totally okay its fine he can go I wasnt gonna stop him I was just asking

he starts to say "im just upset that" and then stops himself and just says "well if you think its fine." and just books it out the door

if he comes home at all tonight I am fucking screwed. He is going to lose his fucking mind at me for giving him his space instead of sitting at his feet silently like a dog waiting for him to decide if he is going to give me any ounce of his attention. He will never fucking effectivly communicate when he would rather be sit w him v when I shouldnt I am literally just expected to know. I want to support him through fucking anything he is the love of my life but this depressive episode is coming at such severe cost to my already exceedingly fragile mental health.

hes just so god damn mean to me when hes like this I cant take it. Im exhausted of never having the right answer. Never doing the right thing. He will say I am the kindest most supportive partner to other people but the second I dont magically know which contradicting behavior he is expecting from me I am the cruelest most evil disgusting sociopathic abuser he knows. I dont know what to do about it. I have no family here. I'm completely alone. if this goes sideways my entire life is over

I have to quit my job, abandon all of my things and move back in w my parents across the country. He has roots here he has family who support him here. He likes to pretend hes this sad little island all alone when Im the one who has *nothing* to my name if he dumps me. He owns like 99% of the shit in this house not that I could move back w anything I own anyway I dont own the fucking car.

he holds my life in his hands but he is the persecuted victim here. hes the one who will lose everything bc of me.

Im realizing hes treating me the way his father treated him and he doesnt comprehend that. Hes being exactly like his father.

i dont know if I can fix that. i dont know what to do w this realization. i jsut wnat to sleep for a thousand years and wake up to a partner who doesnt hate me or lovebomb me.i just want a normal life for 5 seconds

[forjongseong]

NANA I AM FINALLY HERE AND AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH okay the way you described Jay cooking and his mom telling him to chill BRUH LMAO me tbh and then MR. LEE THE REALEST ONE OUT HERE approaching jay!!!!!!

Is this a goodbye set?

SHUT THE FUCK-

-

I don’t feel like pushing the trolley alone.

BRUH ME AF LMAO i always take my nieces and nephews to the store with me. i make them push the carts and carry the basket. lol they think im buying them things, WHICH I DO, but i make them work for me hehehehehehh

-

Each day you spend with Heeseung, you learn something new about Jay.

STOP IT! MY HEART IS BREAKING ALREADY.

-

“Do you see him in your future?”

NANA! not me listening to taylor swift and crying omfg I CANT WAIT TO TELL MY BF LATER AND CRY TO HIM T_T

-

You rolled over to the right side of your bed, where Jay used to sleep. You caught a whiff of his scent from the pillowcase and you froze.

omg nana, not me legit crying lol like idk what it is about me rn, but i am IN TEARS emo hours hitting hard lolol maybe because i was brought back to when my bf and i first broke up and i was missing him. ugh, we were stupid then but stupidly in love now. dhadhashsahahaah T-T

-

When ordering a drink at a café, he mentioned your favorite drink instead of his own

stopppppppp it omfg my heart is crushing i- i cant right now.

-

Surprisingly, Jinyoung did not fall back and instead retaliated, landing a punch on Jay’s face.

THE WAY I FUCKING SCREAMED but i need to stop screaming. my sister is asleep and she works third shift sfashdhajdsak

-

He let you move his face around, and although he looked serious, he was dying inside from having to suppress the feeling of wanting to just pull you into his embrace.

nana i am gushing here LORDDDD i can picture this all so well T-T jay just wanting to just throw everything away and hug her aaahhhh!!

-

Soon after, you stopped in your tracks and looked down, sobbing.

i wasnt gonna comment on this but I JUST HAD TO. i paused from reading and broke down crying idk why defghdjsakda maybe because i've been here before and i understand where she's coming from

-

“I’ve said stuff I didn’t mean that ended up driving you away.”

Jay chuckled softly. “If anything, I should be the one apologizing for leaving you all alone.”

me cryingcryingcrying omfg DO YOU KNOW MY LIFE, NANA? lmao jkjk

-

“Hey, Park, I just wanted to ask—Oh, shit.”

HWI I AM CRYING HERE OMG WHY DID U RUIN THE MOMENT SDFGHJKL

-

He didn’t need to walk through fire, for his fire was you.

my heart is so fucking happy right now, LIKE THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

-

OKAY NANA HERE IT IS LMAO i fucking love this series so much. SO FUCKING MUCH. their lil argument and jay being away got me in tears. when she slipped in the bathroom and called for jay, I CRIED. i paused again and broke down crying. like i said, relatable to when my bf and i broke up the first time. im in shambles, speechless, BECAUSE THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL, NANA. my heart strings were tugged and then i walked through fire with jay T_T thank you soooooooo much for writing this. <3

Man I'm sorry this relates to you so much I swear I wasn't spying on you and your boyfriend! akjsdhkjasdhsakjhsda what Taylor Swift song were you listening too? Did you tell your bf yet?

prepare for part 5.5 in which boss yn and secretary!Jay go on a trip (spoiler alert) with the rest of the hyungline!

[sunny6677]

Eddie Eddie Literature Club!

(Act 1, Chapter 1)

(TW: THIS IS A DDLC X EDDSWORLD CROSSOVER. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IF DDLC TRIGGERS YOU, THEN DONT READ THIS. AND TAKE THIS WARNING SERIOUSLY.)

(BTW the player is you, just so ya know)

-

"Heyyyy!"

I see an annoying boy running towards me, waving his arms in the air like there's no tomorrow. That boy is Matt, a good mate of mine from when we were children. We hadn't spoken in a good while, but had reunited after I moved back.

To be honest, with how late he'd usually be for our daily coffee hangouts-- I figured I'd just leave him in the dust and let him find me himself. But as I sigh, I just idle in front of the sidewalk and let him catch up to me.

"Wooh! Sorry, Little Tom was broken out of his mind today! I had to fix him before I came here!"

His pathetic, wheezing voice only made me roll my eyes. "Oh, typical.. did ya break em while having an erection over yourself again?" Matt, surprisingly, did not blush at this. "No! Well, I mean, maybe a little.."

"Maybe a little isn't an answer, Matt." A smile faded into my face as I began to walk off, ready and prepared to go inside of the coffee shop we'd usually visit together. Matt then immediately hurried after me.

"Hey, wait, stop running off randomly for no reason! I haven't haven't got to tell you about my face yettt!!" Dramatically, he called that out and followed after me. I only scurried faster to piss him off more.

-

Warmth was felt on my mug of coffee, as I flinched from its lava like touch. I put my hand on the cold, hard table me and Matt sat at, as he only rambled on and on about his day. I dismissively nodded along to whatever he was going on about, since I really just wanted coffee at the moment.

Well, coffee that wasn't burning hot at the moment anyway. I swear, it was like my tongue came on fire from how hot the usually good warm brown liquid was.

"Oh, and that reminds me!" Said Matt suddenly, sounding enthusiastic. My eyes lit up with attentiveness for a moment, a little curious as to why he was so excited about whatever crossed his mind. Then again, he was always excited.

"You see, me and my mates started a literature club!"

That.. wasnt exactly what I thought was gonna come out of his mouth. Matt?.. Doing literature of all things?

"Literature? Since when were you into that?" Curiosity and confusion flickered in my eyes, he only gave a grin as a response to my question. "Well, Tord said that if I joined the club, he'd make me cupcakes-- I mean, um-- i-- I didn't agree to that obviously! Heheh.."

He so did.

But.. Tord. I had heard that name a few times from when we had been kids, but had never met him.

But also.. cupcakes, huh? Wonder if there'd be room for one more person in the club, heh..

I rolled my eyes after a moment of silence. "Well, why are you bringing this up?" I asked. Knowing him, there was probably something he wanted.

"Because.." He then stood up, and flung his arms towards my shoulders, and grinned stupidly with light glistening inside his eyes. "I want YOU to join the literature club with me!"

I sat for a second, before clearing my throat. "Matt, I am not interested in literature or anything of the sort-- I wouldn't be proper fit for the club--" Matt then pouted like a sad puppy, catching me off guard.

"Aww, come on! Please~!" He begged, "Tom will pour booze, and Tord has plenty of food as well!" His pleading face made me flinch a bit, and I averted my gaze from his sorrow filled face.

Food.. and booze.

Food.. and booze!

I sighed, and warmth flooded my face like a cascade of waters, as my heart beat slightly faster. "Fine, I'll stop by for a damn cupcake, but don't get the wrong idea.."

Matt's face shimmered with happiness, and in an instant, both of his arms aimed towards the sky. "Yayy!!" He cheered loudly, earning us a few stares. Sweat dripped down my face, this was a little embarrassing..

"Well, does this mean I'll stop by after our coffee-" "Nope, now come on!" Matt suddenly then clung to my arm, and pulled me out of my chair. I yelped, as he and i(well, I was being forced--) then began to escape out of the coffee shop.

A batista yelled after us, but Matt only ignored him.

And thus remarked the day I sold my soul for a cupcake.

/////////////////

Oh boy

[willow-salix]

This is going to be out of the blue and there's no need for a response to it, but I guess I feel like some of you deserve to get a peek behind my armour.

Facebook just gave me a memory from 7 years ago, showing me an album that I'd rather not see quite honestly, but you know when you're just drawn in even though you know it's against your better judgement? Yep, that was me just now.

The album is full of screenshots of the absolute shit ton of crap that I've had on the Internet over the years.

I was in the RP world for ten years, and in that time I was verbally and mentally attacked a lot, I was mentally abused, I was stalked, I was blamed for things I never did, I was used as a scapegoat for things I never did. I was the victim of unwarranted attacks that had my accounts deleted by fb so that I lost YEARS of writing.

I got my heart broken over and over again by people that claimed tk be my friends, people that claimed to love me but that were all too happy to dump me the second a better option came along. People that I sat up all night with, that I lost sleep over, that I went out of my way to help and support.

Some of them lied to me so throughly that they lied about who they were, where they lived, their job, their gender, their nationality, what other characters /accounts they had and everything else you could think of for over TWO years.

I've had one that claimed to be my best friend, sit on my couch, my actual couch, in my house and lie to my face. Lie to me and his long term partner and mother of his three kids that he wasnt cheating with a cheap bitch he met online (the third person he'd done it with I found out after) I only found out about her when she messaged me to tell me.

I stopped talking to him, after their friends started a smear campaign against me, and even then EVEN THEN, I talked it out and started talking to him again. But he turned it around and started blaming me and guilt tripping me again. So I cut him off. He stalked me. Like messaging my friend, posting things to me (actual letters through the mail) making new accounts to message me, buying new phone sims to call me. This was 6 years ago. He called me at the start of lockdown and left a message on my voicemail.

This man mentally abused me. He'd force me to talk to him when I had a problem and then he'd not like what I said, so he'd go silent and ignore me for up to three days, to the point that I'd worked myself up so much that I was apologising, that I was taking the blame for having feelings, only when he got that would he talk to me.

He was an alcoholic who worked in care if you can believe that, I supported him through him getting sober again, he still did all that to me.

I gave up on role play and let my character, my home, the one place I felt comfortable and safe, up. And I didn't go back for two years. I got talked around by someone, they made promises, I stupidly fell for it.

I then got used to bring their character back and to help them sort out storylines. I was then told they didn't want to work with me anymore because they had too much going on in their personal life, they blocked me and I then got screenshots that that had another writing partner already.

That broke me. That broke me and fandom and people and everything really.

I vowed never to go back.

Then I stumbled upon you lot. And I told myself not to get involved, not to start talking to anyone, not to start trusting again. Now look! Now bloody look!

I'm what... 500k + in a story that was never meant to be, I'm actually writing and collabing with people again and I have a character that I adore and feel just as comfortable with... And that is fucking scary.

It's sooooo scary. Like terrifying scary to me.

Because I'm having to trust again. Selene is like public property now, and I love how much everyone has accepted and adopted her and how they use her and write her too, that warms this cold, dead, suspicious heart of mine.

Because I can honestly say that Selene and John saved me and my sanity.

I am quite a sociable person, I love to chat to people and if I'm your friend I will go out of my way to do my best for you, to be there for you and to support you in every way I can. But I know I can be used and I dotn always see the bad in people. So I cut myself off and refused to allow myself to make friends again.

I was writing my novels and that was it. No interaction, no fun really. Then this loud mouthed witch blazed into my head, took one look at the spaceman and said "that one, he's mine, wrap him up I'll take him to go" and here she is.

They made writing fun again, they made it spontaneous and exciting, I suddenly had ideas again, people to talk to about the characters I love and it was hard. Because it was also good.

I had to trust the process, trust Selene.

But I'm also so wary. I'm wary that I'm gonna piss people off, that I'm going to annoy people with her and that people hate her. I know people don't like OCs' and I get major anxiety about that.

I've never had this amount of anxiety over stories before, never. Not my rp, not my novels, not the ones I did for class or competitions, nothing. This is singularly the most stressful writing I've ever done. Because these boys, they mean the world to me, they always have. They have always been my happy place since I was 5/6, they have always been my heart and home.

The problems I had in rp made me not like the books that I loved, the fandom I was in, because of peoples interpretations of the characters, the way they played them and the fact that they were so nasty to me. And I really really don't want that to happen here.

A few weeks ago I noticed that an account had bene set up that was clearly a piss take of me, of this account. And all the old fears and anxiety came rushing back. I instantly went running to Squiddy and Olliepig and basically tumbled around the group chat in a mess for a few minutes before I calmed down and realised what was going on and had a guess at who it could be.

But it's scary. Because I've been stalked, I've been badmouthed, I've had people make fake accounts of me to cause trouble, and it weighs on me.

Willow Salix is my author name, I had to choose that because my Pagan name (which I was writing under and still do on ff and a03) was too well known and my stalkers were reporting it every time I made a new account.

I had to come to love this name, come to see it as myself (willow is my actual real name btw) and feel comfortable with it. It's taken a long time, I've built my brand from it. I have five novels out under it. And to think of someone having an account with even a parody of that name gave me all sorts of chills.

I'm OK now, but yeah. Fun times.

So I guess... I just want people to talk to me. And I don't mean shine by ego lol, I mean that if I ever do anything to piss you off. If I ever say anything you don't like. If I ever annoy you with Selene or anything at all, PLEASE just come and talk to me.

I might put on a tough mask, and in general I am pretty hardy, but I'm a typical cancerian, hard outer shell, squishy inside.

Selene is my sanity in a home life that is far from easy, I won't go into major details but disabled husband, I'm a full time carer, he's majorly depressed and it's just... Yeah. Anyway, she's my refuge, she's my escape right now.

Actually making a side blog for her took so much guts, to allow her free rein to speak and act is scary as heck for me. Because I've been there and vowed to never go back.

The only good thing I took out of all my years of rp, apart from being able to make up a story pretty much on the spot, spontaneous replies, dialogue skills and character development, is my best friend in all the world @endellionaeternus who has seen it all and stuck by me through it all.

I have no real idea why I just typed all this, I guess I needed people to see where I'm coming from, and why Selene exists.

Yeah...

[perksofhs]

‘So... the weather?’

This is a little AU piece that was requested! The prompt: Hey could you do a one shot where harry and famous reader are in a talk show and he has a crush on her. Maybe he accidentally hurts her while playing a game and he feels awful about it orrr maybe the host put a video where harry says that the reader is his crush and he gets nervous and embarrassed.

Promoting a movie was all but glamourous. It was a constant string of 14 hour days, 5am wake up calls and repetitive questions about working with this person or that person with very little time spent discussing the actual plot of the film. The savior of press tours was any interview where you werent alone, whether it was a joint interview with cast mates or a full couch talk show.

You’d been on the Late Late Show once in the past and you had to be honest, it was so much fun. Your first appearance included a 7 minute long musical medley involving fifteen quick changes and you very nearly faceplanting the floor.

By this point you were sitting in the dressing room, your hair being tugged one way or another by David your hairdresser, with your make up artist Cam working his magic on your noticabley exhausted face. “Who am I on with tonight Maggie?” you ask your manager, realising no one had actually told you. Maggie looked up from her laptop, a smirk on her lips. “James told me not to tell you so you’ll have to wait!” she said smugly. You rolled your eyes, “Of course he said that, that man has to stop trying to set me up”. James was a good friend, the two of you having met a number of times through industry parties award shows. He’d always try and find the mosyty eligible bachelor in the room and push you towards them just to shit you. Suffice to say none of them worked out.

Once your hair and makeup were done and you were dressed in a cute but entirely impractical and kind of uncortable outfit, a crew member came to get you and walk you down to the stage. “Ok so once we get to the stage, you’ll hear James announce your name, walk down the steps through the audience, wave or high five whatever you feel like. Then greet James and take a seat, then he’ll then announce the next guest”. You nodded along politely, already knowing the drill. “By chance, do you know who the other guest is?” you say shooting Maggie a smug look. “Yeah its Harry Styles” with that your heart skipped a beat, you’d always found him attractive and incredibly charming which is something you had stupidly mentioned to James once or twice. “That bastard” you say under your breath, you didnt have much time to think about it though because not even 30 seconds later you rounded a corner and there he was.

He was a gorgeous as ever, wearing what you could only assume with a gucci knitted jumper with a delicate lacy collared shirt beneath it, his signature pearls hanging perfectly around his neck, and a pair of cream flared pants. The outfit was quintessentially Harry. He was chatting to another random crew member who seemed to be giving him the same speech. You could hear James wrapping up whatever he was talking about, you were too distracted to follow it, you couldnt look away from the man 8 feet away from you. “You good?” Maggie says, pulls you from your bewildered state, Maggie’s words also caught the attention of Harry who finally looked in your direction.

Harry’s eyes landed on you and unbeknownst to you he was just as taken by the sight of you. Realising his gaze was lingering, Harry snapped himself out of it “Hey i’m Harry, nice to meet you” he said, taking a few steps towards you, his hand awkwardly out for a hand shake, something Harry was already kicking himself for doing. You took his ring clad hand in yours briefly “Hey I’m-” before you could finish you could hear James announce your name, you let out a laugh “that’s my queue”. It was probably a good thing that James has inadvertently introduced you, who knows whether you could have actually remebered your own name in that moment.

You descend the stairs, meeting James at the bottom with a friendly hug before taking your place on the couch. “Can you also put your hands together for the incredible Harry Styles!” James proclaims, the audience erupting once more, you watch Harry interact with the audience effortlessly as he makes his way down the stairs, having a bromance moment with James before he plops down next to you, sitting closer than you had expected him to. “So have you guys met before?” James says, knowing full well the answer is “No we haven’t, we met briefly backstage” Harry says. He couldnt stop thinking about how awkward he’d made the initial encounter but he couldnt help it.

Throughout the interview it was all too clear that sparks were flying bewteen the two of you. Harry had talked about his new music, you’d talked about your new film, an anecdote or two thrown in from the both of you. all was going smoothly until about 15 minutes in when James began to look very smug. “Now Harry, I know you two hadn’t met before but from what I hear you have quite the crush huh?” Harry’s cheek went bright red knowing exactly what was about to happen. You on the other hand had zero idea what was going on. “And how would you know that James?” Harry says trying to pretend he has no clue what James was referring to. “Funny you should ask my friend, this clip might just answer that for you!”

Your eyes darted to the nearest screen as the clip rolled, it was an interview from the press tour of the movie Harry had been in last year. The interviewer had asked the cast who they’d love to work with on future projects and to your surprise, Harry’s pick was you. The interviewer then asked why you were his choice, Harry’s response was “she’s just so talented, every time I watch her in something I’m just profoundly captivated. Her on screen presence is incredible.” One of his castmates laughed, playfully poking Harry in the shoulder adding "If it wasn’t already obvious he’s got quite the crush! He made us watch like 4 of her films during our set downtime” before the clip ended.

Harry dramtically buried his head in his hands out of sheer embarrassment as the audience let out a series of ‘oooohs’ and whistles and James burst out laughing. You let out an laugh as you awkwardly fiddled with your fingers, not entirely sure what you were menat to say or do in that moment. "Well then Harold, go on, ask her out. Nows your chance!” James goaded. Harry was utterly mortified but wasnt the least bit surprised. “So... the weather?” the audience laughed at Harry’s miserable attempt at changing the subject. “Alright alright i’l drop it but you can’t say I didnt try! Just remember this moment when you get married ok?” James said, throwing his hands up in defeat as he got in one last playful jab.

The rest of the interview went awkwardly by, although you were a little distracted. Did he really have a crush on you? How could he have a crush on you? You’re the one who had the crush on him, surely he didn’t feel the same?  James wrapped up the interview and once the cameras had cut both you and Harry made your way backstage.

“Well that was sufficiently awkward and I apologise for how uncomfortable I’m sure that made you. I’m honestly gonna fucking kill James for that” Harry said, you could only giggle in response. “He has no idea what’s coming the next time we catch up. In all fairness, despite how uncomfortable that whole ordeal was, it was lovely to meet you” the two of you smiled at each other. “It was lovely meeting you too Harry, no need to apologise, I bloody knew he was up to something. anyway, I have to head back to my dressing room, I’ll see you around” you say before starting to walk away. You only make it a few steps before Harry stops you “Hey wait! What are you doing this afternoon? This was my last interview for the day and I was gonna head from here to get some food. Wanna come along?” You pause for a moment to think about what the rest your day looked like before smiling back at him “Well, I had planned to go home and eat some left over chinese in front of a film... but I like your idea better. Swing by my dressing room on your way out?” Harry could conseal his happiness with your response, a giddy grin now plastered on his face “It’s a date, but we have to make a deal that neither of us tell James ok? You know how smug he’d be. Deal?” Harry said with a wink, reaching his hand out to seal the deal. You laughed as you shook his hand once more, this time a little less awkard than the first encounter. “My lips are sealed. Now you better not take too long, I’m starving!” you say as you walk away with a smirk and as they say, the rest was history.

Hey lovelies, I hope you enjoyed this one! And I hope the anon who requested it thinks I did an ok job! I havent done many request pieces. Also I know its not super long but I still think its pretty adorable.  Requests are open, just shoot me a message and I’ll see what I can do! xx

[callofdiva]

rain check - t.h.

I guess I’m doing some writing over break?? a miracle!!

—

Bing!

It’s the incoming text that sends your heart rate up, straight up, the message popping down from the top of the screen. It’s from

❤️Tommy❤️

You groan, your fist instinctively rising in an effort to wipe away the wetness on your cheeks, but instead, just smearing the tracked mascara a little more.

Of course he’s going to play this game again, it’s just typical Tom.

You hit the square before it retreats back into the list of notifications, flooded by snaps from concerned friends that have collected in the last two hours.

Hey hon I’m sorry

I’m with haz and my phone wasnt giving me notifications

Are you ok

?

Bullshit. Complete bullshit.

You’re not even sad anymore, just pissed. But not at him. You can’t be. You’re just mad at yourself for falling for this again. Because you’re never going to be able to stay mad at him, as proved time and time again.

Your thumbs hover over the keyboard, but you don’t answer. The wave of sadness hits again, tears refilling your eyes as you survey the screen. It’s completely overtaken by the blue-backed messages you’ve been sending since 7:30.

hey tommy? you on your way?

and then,

just let me know when you think youll be here :)

and an hour later,

babyyyy you okay?

and finally, most recently, a petty and short

goodnight

singularly because Snapchat betrayed him to be “seen just now” at a local pub. And while you weren’t exactly proud to admit it, you’d been checking his location periodically, though it was partially to make sure that he was safe.

It’s 12:38 now, as a glance at the top of the screen confirms, and the typing bubble pulses on the screen briefly before-

Is that a no?

And again--

I fucked up

Im sorry

He wasn’t wrong. After all, he is the one who stood you up. Or could you even call it that?

Regardless, he was supposed to come round yours for a night in, though clearly it hadn’t worked out that way. This is only illustrated by the fact that you’re now in the fetal position in the dark on the sofa, surrounded by too many throw pillows and a stack of movies, favorites of Tom’s and of your own.

They’re all dumb now. You shouldn’t have wasted your time or energy on popping the popcorn and going out to find Tom’s favorite sweets, you think. It’s a mix of anger and hopelessness that fills the corners of your mind now, and it occurs to you that you haven’t texted him back yet.

I fucked up

Im sorry

You read it over, not thinking twice before you hit send.

sometimes it feels like i’m the only one who cares around here

g’night.

There’s not even a second of hesitation before he’s typing again.

Im sorry

You click your phone off, well aware that the read receipt has already been sent.

Good, you think, let him feel shitty about it. It’s his turn anyways.

And then you’re silencing your phone, and shoving it in the pocket of your sweatpants, and you’re getting up from the couch. And more tears are coming, because now you feel awful, but he made you feel awfuller, so maybe he deserves it.

He does, you decide. Screw him.

The sad, empty, pittish feeling in your stomach makes you want to go straight to bed and maybe lay there for a few hours on your phone reading the texts again, but you make it shut up and instead stop in the bathroom.

Ugly is the only word that comes to mind when you look in the mirror. You grab a makeup wipe from the package in the drawer and scrub at your raccoony eyes until the mascara bits are gone, leaving you looking just tired and sad.

Fitting. Because I am.

You click the lights off and walk out, not even bothering to turn on the bedroom light before flopping into bed. Your phone is still in your pocket, but you’re tired of crying, so there’s no point in looking at it again. Despite how exhausted you are, though, you can’t sleep. So you lay there, on your side, looking at the wall.

You don’t know how many minutes pass, maybe even hours, before you’re pulled out of whatever hole you’re in by the sound of your front door closing. You pull the comforter higher up, knowing exactly what’s about to happen, knowing that Tom’s going to walk in and apologize and that you’re going to forgive him because how can you not?

You can’t hear his footsteps as he moves down the hall, but he taps on the door, snapping you out of your own mind.

“Honey.. Can I come in?”

You don’t answer. You don’t know if you even can.

There’s a pause, and there’s silence for a few seconds, or a few minutes. You don’t know which it is. You’re wondering if he’s gone, if he gave up, though you didn’t hear the front door close again. And then the silence fades back in, and you just lay there waiting.

It at least feels like a few minutes have passed, so you roll over to look at the clock.

1:33.

Then 1:34.

1:35.

You pull out your phone, figuring that he could’ve texted. Immediately, you wince at the brightness, letting your eyes adjust before you click onto your messages.

And sure enough, the most recent one--almost a half hour ago-- reads

If you don’t want to talk to me, I understand. I’m in the lounge if you do, though. I love you, and I’m sorry.

Suck it up, Y/N. You sit up, pocketing the phone again and hesitantly climbing out from the comforter. Your door squeaks when you open it, and you know that he’d have to be deaf to miss it. Now you have to do it, no wimping out.

Emerging from the room, you immediately see the top of his head resting on the arm of the sofa, his hair unruly.

Why does he have to be cute?

He rolls over to face you as you stand at the end of the hallway, sitting up when he registers that it’s you.

“I thought you were asleep..” He pulls himself off the couch and to his feet, stopping you in your tracks.

You nod. There’s no tension between you; just awkwardness, thick and obvious.

“I’m sorry… I forgot I was supposed to be here..” He trails off, gesturing weakly to the setup around him. “Haz invited me out for drinks.. And I was serious-- your texts weren’t coming through before I was driving home.”

You shrug. You know he’s telling you the truth, but you don’t want to admit that you were so upset over something dumb like this.

“I’m sorry, babe. I am..”

You stare at his socked feet, unable to look at him, stupidly stubborn.

“What’s going on?.. What’re ya thinkin’?”

“I dunno,” you mumble, finally mustering up the words to actually respond. “‘M tired.”

“Oh.” He’s caught off guard by that, not expecting to be shut down like that. Or maybe he was expecting it, just… hoping that you’d want to sort through it now. “Sorry. I’ll go.. I’ll let ya sleep.”

He fiddles with his fingers, with the ring on the fourth finger of his right hand. He fiddles with the cuffs of his jacket, rolling the fabric between his thumb and second finger. He fiddles with his fingernails, the cuticles already bitten down--

“Don’t.” It comes out of your mouth before you can stop it, loud and clear. Fuck.

“Huh?” He looks up, and unexpectedly, you do too, meeting his eyes before you realize that this is bad news.

It’s your turn to start fiddling now, with your own hands, your hair--

“I’m not… mad at you, Tom.”

He looks surprised. “You’re not?”

You shake your head.

“That doesn’t change the fact that I did fuck up.. and that I’m sorry.” He’s intent on giving you an apology.

You don’t need one though, you don’t want him to feel bad anymore…

“Is it okay if I hug you?” The question comes from your mouth even though you can’t recall conjuring the words up. He looks taken aback this time, caught off-guard again, and it takes a moment for him to process it because he was about to launch into a whole apology speech.

“Of course hon.. you don't have to ask, you know.”

And then you’re wrapped in him, and his body is warm and he smells nice and not like alcohol, like you’d sort of expected. And he’s mumbling sorry’s into your shoulder like there’s no tomorrow, but you shush him, squeezing his waist.

“Rain check?”

—

Taglist: @tbhhhhhhhhhh @toms-darling @cap-steve-rogers @skylar-mendes @multiversefangirl19 @probably-not-chris-evans @musiclover1263 @musicgirl234 @starksparker-archive @leiasfanaccount648 @hedwigthelegend @pleasantlyparker @cartwheelandfaceplant @butwhyduh @bluelalal

if you want to be added to my tag list, let me know!! drop a comment or send in an ask and i’ll add you!!

[safebubblebycyg]

let's stop and talk about trans draco real fast, shall we?:

♡ would def come out to his parents during dinner a year before he went into hogwarts "so, hypothetically, what if i decided being a girl sucks and makes me sad and i wanna be a boy?"

♡ narcissa would just smile and pat him on the back, asking what he would like to be called

♡ lucius, to everyone's surprise, was not transphobic, but instead was now determined to have the most handsome son to prove that he didnt need a flat chest and a penis to be better than everyone else

♡ draco went into hogwarts horrified that teachers would deadname him

♡ clearly his parents had spoken to them, though, because they all gladly called him draco

♡ his relatives, the handful that were transphobic, sent him letters addressed to his deadname occasionally and draco simply didnt reply. when his father asked why he wasnt replying, draco said that there wasnt anyone of that name that he knew of (lucius knew he taught his son on how to be petty well)

♡ honestly draco was pretty lowkey about being trans

♡ he didnt ever change in front of people, he always covered his trips to madam pomfrey for testosterone with a library trip, and excused his more feminine build as "since when does body shape have gender?"

♡ which worked stupidly well

♡ until when he went to get his testosterone from madam pomfrey, theo was sitting in there getting treated for a bloody nose (he got into a fight, the idiot)

♡ and theo is the biggest blabber mouth, dont even argue, so he told both blaise and pansy

♡ and they all proceeded to ask (in perfect sync, which freaked draco out) "why do you need testosterone, malfoy?"

♡"imtransformerlinssakepleasedonteverdoanythinginsyncagain" "what?" "...im trans??"

♡ pansy literally just rolled her eyes ("goyle owes me 5 galleons, i knew something was up"), but theo and blaise looked ready to piss themselves

♡ why? because they had shared a dorm with him for multiple years, hOW DID THEY NOT KNOW OH MY-

♡ now, eventually draco fessed up to some other acquaintances, but it wasnt public news

♡ especially because slytherins protect each other at all costs. dracos voice cracked in class once and everyone looked at him, so the rest of the slytherins started answer questions and purposefully cracking their voices. when asked if they were making fun of draco, they all shook their heads and went "guess that's good ol' puberty. i am a growing teen, you know!"

♡ pansy was probably the most protective

♡ she has and will fight someone for draco

♡ "pans, i can fight my own battles" "shush, i throw a meaner jelly legs jinx than anyone in our year"

♡ and you may ask yourself: cygnus, where the heck is the drarry?" SO GLAD YOU ASKED

♡ harry james potter was madly in love with the blonde slytherin

♡ maybe it was the way he blushed after a voice crack or maybe it was his white blonde hair that he played with when he got nervous or maybe it was how he would pull his uniform shirt away from his chest, like it would stick if he didnt

♡ but harry had fallen hard

♡ so hard even ron pointed it out ("we know you're in love with the bloke, but can you stop staring at his ass and focus on the charms essay?")

♡ literally everyone is gryffindor knew

♡ that's alright, everyone in slytherin was well aware of dracos huge crush on harry, to the point where they quoted him ("perfect little potter, with his evergreen eyes that shine in the sun, and his lean body that i could lay on top of and listen to his heartbeat-" "shut up, zabini")

♡ so, for the first time, harry and dracos friends teamed up and operation drarry was in full swing

♡ hermione and pansy were in charge of setting the whole plan up

♡ ron and blaise were in charge of setting them up at the right place at the right time

♡ neville and theo were in charge of distracting the two for the day

♡ crabbe, goyle, luna, and ginny all got put in charge of setting up the place, and then hide with cameras

♡ the plan was simple, get both harry and draco to the astronomy tower at the same time by having neville and theo give them notes from the other (dracos note to harry written by blaise and harrys to draco by ron). ginny and luna would then set up candles and blankets and simple charms that let flowers and vines grow along the walls while crabbe and goyle set up charms to only let select people enter the astronomy tower without thinking they forgot something and leaving. and course, this genius was planned by pansy and hermione.

♡ BELIEVE IT OR NOT, IT WORKED UNBELIEVABLY WELL

♡ GINNY CAUGHT A PHOTO OF THEM SNOGGING

♡ IT WAS GREAT

♡ well, until draco started wheezing cuz the dingus had stayed in his binder for way too long

♡ harry smiled softly at the embarrassed boy before pulling off his quidditch sweater and handing it to draco ("go ahead and take your binder off-" "how did you-" "shush, it was in the note, blaise didnt conceal it was him very well and threatened me not to judge you just because you're trans. i could care less, you're still you and still valid. now take off your binder, the sweater should be lose enough on you to cover anything")

♡ harry walked draco back to his dorm that night and told him to keep the sweater "it looks cuter on you"

♡ yes, draco told his father about it

♡ "dear draco,

YOU CHOSE THE POTTER BOY OF ALL PEOPLE-"

this one was requested by @punkmccartney here on tumblr and i couldnt resist (:

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED !!

[truthbehindthemysteries]

✨Yօʊ'ʀɛ Nօȶ Gօɨռɢ Aռʏաɦɛʀɛ✨

Dhawan!Master x Reader

Summary: Despite traveling through all of time and space with the Doctor's best enemy, you still can't escape the bad along with the good. Lucky for you, you're not alone... even if it is with one of the if not THE most dangerous being in all the cosmos.

Warnings: Angsty Fluff, Sickness and all that comes with that, Blood and Gore / Violence

A/N: This was a requested fic { I am so sorry it is late ; life has gotten busy and ofc wack } about an adventure going wrong near the end for the Reader and the Master showing a side to themselves that no one else see's, not even their old friend/enemy the Doctor."}

We got to go, this place is going to blow. Run!" , the Master said as he grabbed you by the arm and lead you into a sprint. You breathed in and out roughly, heart racing as you followed him, using all the strength you had to push you forward, you both getting as far away from the destruction as you could while being shot at with deadly lasers with equally deadly consequences from them. You and the timelord had gone to the planet Androkeyos after having heard a tip from an anonymous person that the place should be checked out. Something weird going on there involving people going missing, mutations going on from experiments, a rare object at the heart of it all. Now in the thick of it, you two were trying to escape. The people there were dying off and were trying to make their race survive. Gone twisted with desire and frustration, they started experimenting on their own people with dangerous fuels, toxins, and poisons to change them to be able to survive. But now the mutations had gone rogue, too powerful for their own leaders to control, killing them off and threatening other planets if they escaped off their planet and into the stars - wanting to make others like them and kill off the rest who they saw as useless. Ducking behind a pillar, you and the Master stayed quiet, his hand over your mouth and you felt him against your back as he surveyed both your surroundings, waiting for the right moment to start running again, his other hand holding the Securya {the rare object} tight in his grasp now hidden away safely in a pocket. Once the coast was clear, you two began running again. "This way, that corridor, up the stairs, take a left and third door on the right. " he whispered to you, taking your hand and you and him got faster in your speed, eager to get into the room where his Tardis was located. You and him were just about there when more of the Androkeyo mutations came into view, swiftly moving about as they shot at you and the Master. As he fiddled with the door to get it open, you saw a shot coming right towards the Master who had his back turned. Taking the chance to protect him as he often did with you, considering you were so fragile in comparison to him because you're human, you took the shot square in the chest right as the Master grabbed you roughly and pulling you into the Tardis at the same moment. You both could hear the ruckus of the enemies trying to get inside the ship but the timelord was too focused on you. You who had stupidly decided to take a shot that could either mutate or kill you if you didn't have the antidote. In a risk to save his life where he was much more likely to survive it. Pain racked through your body from where the shot originated. You could feel an intense burning shooting from your heart through every nerve in your body. It hurt to breathe and when you moved, you felt shaky. The Master not only felt an intense anger to go outside his ship and slaughter every single one of them on the planet until everything was drenched in blood aside from the fire, ash and smoke and dust. He also however, felt anger and frustration for you. Not surprised as this wasnt the first time you risked your life for him but also that you would put his life over yours when he was far more capable of surviving in comparison to you. Frustration when you didnt have to get shot and there could have been another way. Lucky for you, he had the Securya on him. Had he not found it, things may have gone downhill more than they already have. Seeing the look on his face, you grit out through your teeth as you tried to push him away to no avail, "Just focus on getting us out of here first." to remind him and he growled lowly under his breath, moving towards the console and pressing buttons and pushing the lever to get you both gone. The wheezing of the Tardis started along with the up and down motion of the main part of the console and you did your best to hold on from where you fell in front of the doors from the inside of the ship. Not knowing where you both were as his ship landed, all you could focus on was trying to pull yourself up by your hands. Having instantly heard footsteps coming your way, you would have fallen were it not for the Master catching you with an arm around your waist and pulling you to him. He could sense how bad it was for you and he couldn''t help but be worried. He would scold you later however. "Don't even bother trying to move on your own love, it's just going to be worse on you.", he remarked when you started to protest as he picked you up bridal style and started carrying you into the depths of his ship towards the medical bay. You were known to be rather stubborn when it came to things and you never wanted to be seen as weak. Too bad that when those moments come, trying to act as normal can be taxing and take out of you more. You frowned but slowly nodded as you buried your head in his chest. His arms like a safety net, you held on for as long as you could, not wanting to go anywhere. With him, it felt like home. With him, it felt safe. With him, you felt peace and happiness among all the chaos and the madness. Slightly jostled awake by him demanding you stay awake, you slowly opened your eyes and looked a little around, seeing yourself in the medical bay as the Master gently put you on the gurney table and got to work. Using something clearly alien and advanced tech, he moved it over your body in an up and down motion to get a reading. His jaw tightened as he released a breath, shaking his head. "What is it?" , he looked towards you then away as he continued, "Youre in the beginning stages of mutation. Thats why you're feeling that burning all inside you.. starting from your heart? " , he didnt need you to nod to get that confirmation. The look in your eyes said everything. "Its going from the start of how you live to all throughout your body because that change happens everywhere. It's trying to rewrite you from the inside out. From that, comes the poisons and the toxins, trying to wash out the old..." , he remarked as he got a needle and injection, taking the Securya out his pocket and hooking them both up together and extracting enough of the liquid that was in the rare object. You shivered, whether it was out of shakiness or the needle, you couldn't really tell.You didn't like either possibility.  As he spoke, he also brought out a weird looking thing that you could only assume was a stethescope mixed with a temperature monitor. He came over to you. "You won't be you anymore and you especially wouldnt be if i didnt take that damn rarity.", his voice went steely and scolding to you, a stark contrast from his gentle ministrations towards helping you sit up, the pillow behind your back supporting you up. "Now open your mouth and stay still. When i tell you to take deep breaths, you do so. Ok?", You nod and as he pressed a button, your mouth falls open in what could be considered a cute O face, but minds were not in the gutter, they were out in the open with clarity towards the given situation. Feeling part of the object under your tongue, you two waited a little bit before it popped out your mouth. Right after, the Master replied, "I need you to breathe now Y/N.", he instructed and you did as you were told, breathing deeply in and out a few times until he gave you the go ahead to stop. As he took notice of that and the readings from the temperature, you lied back down, albeit weakly. "You're burning up.. Well over 100 and your heart is pattering away like a hummingbird's wings.", he said as he put the stethoture monitor { ;) } down and came to you with the needle that held the Securyan liquid. You trembled, looking at the size of the needle. Couldn't be too bad right? You clearly dealt with worse on Planet Earth, anywhere else you traveled with the Master in the past and you would give anything to be rid of the pain overwhelming your entire body. By the look on his face towards you out the corner of his eye, you didn't need to express that you were starting to feel more than just burning. It was becoming much more harder to breathe as the Master put pressure on a perfect spot to put the needle in. The other side, he held onto your arm and one hand of yours overlapped his to hold on tight just in case. "This is going to hurt so if you need to, squeeze tight onto my hand.", the timelord told you, voice oozing with not only concentration and seriousness but a tint of worry as well. "Just put the damn thing in and get it over with." , you spit out, your other hand clutching at the table sheets under your back and as you did, he inserted the needle in. Almost instantaneously, the pain became unbearable as you tightened your hold both on the sheets and his hand until your knuckles turned wide. As you struggled slightly from where you lay, he laid his free hand over your chest to hold you down. "Try and stay still Love, this will only get worse if you don't." , You nodded despite the tears pooling out your eyes, vision going blurry and you almost barely felt the needle coming out of you. "Look at me Y/N", and you did so. You saw a flurry of emotions in his eyes, all of the same you have been seeing but more softer. "I know you feel sleepy but it will all be over, i promise. Try and get some rest. I'll be here when you wake.". Vaguely through the pain and the Securyan liquid going through out your body, you felt the burning go into a gentle cooling more as the time passed by BUT as well as the exhaustion, you slowly fluttered your eyes shut after you murmured out an "Okay." As you felt the embrace of sleep overtake you, the last thing you felt before you saw black was the brushing of lips on your forehead. -Sometime later- Opening your eyes, the first thing you saw was the med bay you were in, the Master right by your bed in a chair, eyes immediately turning towards you.The first thing you felt was much better. The pain was still there but the nap must have done you a universe of good if the negatives in your body was more dull and faint. Maybe this was more than one being not limited to the Master, but to overall that you should not over exert yourself and put yourself into things that could be avoided. To essentially 'cool it' and calm down. "How are you feeling?", he inquired and you were just about to turn to him and answered when he cut you off, "No. Scratch that, because i can pick up on everything about you, let alone your body more than anyone else can since i'm who you're around most if not all of the time.", his voice showed how steely and negative feeling he was earlier. Well , still technically and you bit your lip, knowing what was coming. Though it was sort of deserved, you wouldn't feel bad about that decision. You were protecting someone you loved, simple as that. "What the hell were you thinking? You could have die- no , you would have died were it not for me. You're human Y/N and I'm not, did you ever stop to think that maybe i don't need saving?" You frowned at him, equally letting out the frustration and worry and anger you felt. You understood where he was coming from because he was by all means fully able to take care of himself in anyway but if it werent for obvious moments in the past where even he was bested. You think he would know that not even he himself is truly invincible. "If you didn't need me, let alone anyone to save you, then you wouldn't have gotten into situations that required anyone to be your hero Master. Yes, you're a timelord but that doesn't make you inescapable to pain or death, you know that!" "I don't need you to save me Y/N. I'm not some damsel in distress that needs someone over his back and shoulder looking out for him." You reeled back from that, quiet for a few moments as he stared you down, trying to get you to see where he was coming from just as you were on your own end towards him. You never treated him like a child, you fully knew well enough that you're not him mother. Especially with how you feel towards him , how dare he insinuate that when it wasn't true. "You see it from your end and you try to make a point but you're not even considering where i was coming from it. You are the farthest thing from a child to me." Your voice broke as you tried to stand, being able to on your own now without the timelord's help. "Really, then what am I to you huh? , because from where i stand, you're a coward not admitting what you feel when it's obvious through your words and actions." Was he really that thick? Maybe not because by his words, he clearly knew and was hinting it to you just to get you to finally let it out. He is a stone cold brilliant genius as once said by his frenemy, the Doctor. Blood boiling over but in a mix of frustration and affection, you shouted, "I love you, you damn bastard. Why else do you think i risk my life for you, why i travel with you and chose you over the Doctor? Why do you think that i would clearly put myself into a position to get sick and infected, even die for you?!" By this point, he was within a few centimeters of your face, You continued before he could. Your voice softer now, "When you love someone, you don't walk away. When it's real, you dont walk away.. you run towards. You go through the good and the bad together. Yes, i'm going to suffer in sickness from a mistake, as you put it, that i made. I love you Master and maybe to others, that would be stupid and idiotic, dangerous and insane. But I care, so sue me for caring. Sue me for giving a da-" Hands pull you forward by the elbows and lips collide against yours. Cut off from speech, you gasp into the kiss he gives. It's all lips in a guided tango of love and passion, release of feelings and the frustrations starting to subside on both ends. You clutch on tightly to his collarbones, fisting the top of his waistcoat in your hands, moving your lips in synch with his. A sense of relief that you got the antidote, that you and him talked and expressed, that while you would be sick as an after effect of the mutation poison and the dose of Securyan to heal you, you would get better. You were with the Master, safe inside his ship. You were h o m e. Pulling apart, he rested his forehead against yours. Breath's mingling and getting breath's back, he spoke quietly to you. As if you two were the only ones inside the universe, let alone his ship which of course was true considering he didn't let anyone else in, unless it were the Doctor. You chuckled inwardly at the thought. He was your very own right now. "Just promise me, please. You have to take better care for yourself. You're worth so much more than an ending like that." He said. You wrapped your arms around him, despite the dull pain, coming of the sickness while at the same time being fought off to heal. "Don't want to get rid of me huh?", you teased lightly before biting your lip, starting to feel nauseous. Sensing it, he helped lead you to a nearby toilet, holding your hair back as you released your stomach of it's contents. "Oh love... you're not going anywhere if i have anything to say and do about it." ------------ The next week or two was more or so the same. Essentially confined to the ship because further adventuring while you were healing would prolong the process of you getting better. You would have a bruise where the shot had hit you, you would throw up occasionally, even with blood {which died down and stopped when you got another Securyan dose as needed.} , weak and dizzyness, even a back and forth of a stuffy nose and a runny one, a sore throat. Each in time became duller and then faint, followed by going away completely, even your breathing got better to the way it was before you got shot and sick. You chuckled as you got dressed for the day in your's and the Master's bedroom on the Tardis, the old girl fiercely protective and .loving/etc towards the both of you, especially him but you for how you are with him and how you are with her, the ship. You thought over some moments, now that you're in the third week. At the start of this third you had starting getting better to tip top shape. Now you just wanted to tell the Master. A smile comes to your face as you thought of moments before. No matter how gross of color and consistency the vomit was, added addition of blood occasionally. No matter how sick you got in different ways, he was there every step of the way now that you both had an understanding, especially more so than before. No matter how many times you fought him due to stubborness to see if you got your strength back or out of frustration of trying to get things done yourself out of not wanting to be seen as weak or an invalid. No matter how much you bleed, he took every bruise and hit and grossness and gore you tried to inflict on him because he knew that you didnt regret your decision persay but that you felt guilt at not taking things into account that you should have with him. He knew that it meant nothing too really, when you always apologized to him after. Sometimes we all need someone, even if we don't want to admit it to anyone , let alone ourselves. Coming out of your shared bedroom, you moved through the halls and corridors, the ship with ease, leading you to where the Master was, in the kitchen. You leaned against the door way, smiling at him as he seemed to be making breakfast. How charming. You almost would have moaned of how delicious he makes things but you wanted to surprise him. You didn't know how good this might go since he so quickly got onto things, especially with you but still, let you have some fun. In an instant, you jumped on his back, legs wrapping around his waist, hands at his shoulders and you whispered into his ear "Gotcha.", before you kissed his cheek and moved to jump off. "Now that was very rude Y/N", he remarked, instantly turning you around so that you were both on the floor, the wind out of you as he leaned over top of you, eyes burning into yours with happiness, amusement and mischief. You felt a mixer of eggs, herbs and cheese around your body as well as floor and the sweet exotic smell of something you couldn't identify. You wondered what it was. You giggled, looking up at him, seeing crumbles of buttered bread in his hair and little sausage links on the ground. Even when looking a mess, he still looked beautiful but with that expression, made it all the more funny. "Feeling better i see to cause a ruckus as usual." You smirked , "I can't help myself, you make it so easy." "Even when you're at my mercy now, underneath me with my body on top of yours?" , he hinted, his voice taking a coy tone. You narrowed your eyes, seeing what he was planning, "No.  you better not, i sw-" , you tried to get away, kicking out from underneath him to try and get him and move away but he caught you just as you moved to get up, sending you back down to the ground. "Master, come on!", you squealed as his hands trailed all over your body, sending you into a fit of laughter as he tickled you everywhere, his grin on his face knowing he won. At some point he stopped, he turned your face to his with a hand cupping your face. "Feeling better i see. You ruined the breakfast i made for us. What are you going to do about that?" , he threw at you as he hovered over you. "I don't know, i think you might have to just deal with the mess... I'm kidding, im kidding!", you laughed as he moved to tickle you again. "I'll help you clean it up and remake it, how about that?" "Sounds like a deal Love.", he remarked, helping you stand and you returned his mischievous smile before following through with getting the kitchen cleaned up as well as you two and then making the breakfast. Who knew that suffering from danger would lead to such an outcome? There was no where else you would rather be and as you shared a look with him, enjoying the start of another day together, you knew he felt the same.

[oikawa13]

love in the time of köttbullar

Shouyou sets the bowl on the tiny table with a flourish and an itadakimasu! and this is when it hits Atsumu harder than a Skurup to the temple:He wants this. Shouyou, hip cocked against the miniature kitchen countertop, smiling shyly up at Atsumu through the amber fan of his lashes, beautiful god-boy-man somehow glowing gold even under the buzzy LED lighting. Though they’re standing in a 430,000 square foot warehouse in Tsurumachi, Atsumu’s looking at Shouyou, and he’s home.

Amid the Flärdfull and the Smörboll, Miya Atsumu falls a little more in love.

words: 3,378 | rating: T

i’ve never been inside an ikea so this fic quite literally changed me as a person. sometimes loving a person is as scary as saying that first i love you!!!! and sometimes... love is easy as saying i love you at an ikea ; ;

LAUNCHING MERRILY DOWN THE PATH OF SIN (THE FIRST TIME)

"Bokuto said I should bring you home. But I don’t know where you live. So I took you here.”

“To hell?”

"No, Atsumu-san. To my apartment."

words: 1,990 | rating T

i wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this fic and then go on ao3 to reread it again its just so fdjgfhdjf good. i think about this shoyo a lot. theres something!!!! very dreamy going on here. this is the first part to a series btw, you can read them all if you want since theyre probably all around 1k :-)

lord i no longer believe in anything but the way he holds my name between his teeth

The miracle of the rabbit on the moon.

“We took this photo at their seventh birthday party. His father baked a cake. But someone ate all the jellybeans off the top before they could even sing the birthday song. That’s why Atsumu cried. He used to cry a lot. It stopped when the twins found out about volleyball, but before that Atsumu would cry over everything. Spilled milk. A skinned knee. The neighbor’s dog. He was the twin that was scared of paper straws. It's funny how things have changed.

“He looks happier now. Did you do that?”

words: 10,456 | rating: T

so, this goes just a liiiiitle past 10k so its up to you if you want to read it or not, i just thought i’d include it since its so! close! lol theres this part!!!!! they are holding hands underneath the table!!!!!!!!! atsumu are you drunk?!!! no!!!!! hes just so stupidly in love with shoyo. i cant stand them!!!!!!!!!!!

wait for it, wait for it

The notifications are up at 100+ again and Hana wants to check it quickly to make sure nothing's wrong, especially because she'd just cleared them before the media scrum. The fans, she figured, must be overjoyed with the win.Congratulations MSBY Nation!!! the first reply reads. #myspiker #atsuhinaBoth tags, she finds, are currently trending in Japan.

Five times #atsuhina trended on volleyball Twitter and one time it should have (but luckily didn't), as told by the MSBY Black Jackals' junior publicist

words: 6,043 | rating: T

this fic is SOOOOO much fun!!!!!! also i love hana, idk if i ever mentioned that before but yeah. this is like... hdjkdhgjfd so much ; ; <3

south of an early summer

Warmth, then, was being wanted back. Two weeks later, Atsumu holds that warmth in by Shouyou’s waist; he watches it, how it sleeps, and wonders what the heat will become next.

words: 2,602 | rating T | tw: atsumu being atsumu about (past) kg/hn for a split second

IF i wasnt an absolute fool and gave you all these recommendations to pick and choose from id just send you this and the walking emoji bc honestly!!!!!!!!! i may not know what the heck romantic means but i see this and maybe it is romantic! maybe its not the average romantic idk?!!!! but i do know theres something beautiful here. love ?? ; ;

truths in two’s

Shouyou leaves for Brazil in two hours.

words: 8,300 | rating: T

LDR.... but like, in probably one of the easiest 2 breathe/good feeling fic for ldr!!!! idk im a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ten reasons to break up with me: a love letter

1. It has to be you, ‘cause I won’t.

words: 4,197 | rating: T

pls....... i cant even THINK about this fic without crying okay!!!!!!!! insane. fuckign!!!! i love it so much, so much. it lives in my heart. this is the fic where i was like... i dont believe in love. yes i do. no<3 YES!!!!!!!! and cried and paced my room and finally FINALLY!!!!!! stopped feeling so hurt about hinata leaving for brazil again lmao!! like, i cant explain. this sounds crazy right???? anyway, i think... atsuhina can love each other so much it hurts when theyre apart but their love is so.... i mean......... they literally waited years to play together... so......... their love keeps them going..... GOODBYE!!!! i love listening to fka twigs cellophane & home with you and just..... being insane. 

just can’t help myself

Five times Hinata takes care of Atsumu, and one time Atsumu returns the favor.

words: 5,025 | rating: T

*think about atshn taking care of each other* *cries*

blue crush

And there’s a promise there, sewn into the easy curve of his lips: I’m not going anywhere, Atsumu-san. Glittering eyes that cut through the rain-blurry dark like a beacon when Shouyou turns back to look up at him. Even if you fuck up all of our dates.

Murphy’s Law as demonstrated by Miya Atsumu.

words: 2,297 | rating: T

atsumu trying very hard to have things perfect and romantic and even in the failures its still very lovely<3

If I’m Icarus, You Must be the Sun (Allow me Three Mistakes)

He wonders if Icarus felt like nothing was wrong with self-destructing, because he had reveled in the sun, if only for a little while.

Atsumu finds, loving Hinata is the same.

Atsumu's love over the years, and the mistakes that accompany it.

words: 4,620 | rating: T

i am...very weak to the whole icarus/sun thing with hinata and his ships. this one though......... i think about it A lot.

in your eyes, i see our future

“Yer’ a real sweetheart, Hinata Shouyou.”

Shouyou smiles brilliantly. “Only for you~”

He scoots over so Shouyou can sit next to him. He can smell the pineapple body wash Shouyou is so fond of the moment he sits down. Shouyou passes the tray over carefully before settling against the headboard comfortably.

“What’s the occasion?"

(Or, Atsumu just really wants to marry Shouyou.)

words: 9,769 | rating: T

fhdsjjkjfdsj goes crazy stupid over marriage!!!!! listen... i do not believe in marriage!!!!! but for atsuhina, oh you bet i do!!!! :-)

breathing a hello

There’s no significance to them ending up here except that both of their lives are held in the sway of volleyball. Everything else comes second.That’s the crux of it, really.

words: 2,826 | rating: T

gjhfsjkfd shhhhhhhhh. my heart is very soft when i think of them here, please..... just!!!! pls.

if you’re out there in the cold, i’ll cover you in moonlight

My [23M] best friend and ex-boyfriend [23M] is visiting me for a week, and my current boyfriend [24M] who agreed to all of this is suddenly withdrawing from me. Can I get some advice? Please? Anyone?

words: 8335 | rating: T | chapters: 3 | tw: past kg/hn 😳

this one is optional since you wanted one shots and theres 3 chapters here. my idea of romantic is...well, i especially love when one of them is acting hurtful/mean/difficult to the other bc their own personal issues but the other loves them anyway??? and then they work on that issue!!! just!!!!! ; ;

Love in the Time of Insomnia

And anyway Hinata was sprinting out faithfully after Atsumu, who had keys to the gym like a badass, and who was going to give his spikers a few more tosses after-hours without Meian knowing like the greatest, most generous badass the Jackals had ever seen. 

words: 2,457 | rating: G

running four kilometers just so atsumu can rest. this is what romantic means!!!! hdkshjfhdj

ode to what you’d have been

5 times it’s Kageyama’s fault and the 1 time Hinata realizes it has never been.

words: 3,628 | rating: G

loving someone including their flaws PART 2!!!!!! ok.... u might be like... um... this is romantic? hfdkhjfd LISTEN!!!! to me!!! there is nothing more romantic than being in love with someone and the ugly parts of them. going, i love you, all of you. and communication!!! and understanding!!! and feeling terrible and shitty and horrible but having the one you love accept you. and trying to help ease your mind, worries. *sobs real hard* also shout out 2 ‘okaaayy.... i hate sakusa now’

a shrine for a  boy

Despite his uncertainty about how to tell Atsumu of his move to São Paulo, Hinata takes action. Things do not go according to plan.

words: 2,447 | rating: G

hinatas time 2 be romantic and fail but its ok bc!!!!!!!!!! :-) they are just dummies in love<3

the greatest distance between you and longing is defeat

(In other words: Atsumu, let go. I’m here now.)

words: 3,310 | rating: G

um... *cries* post break up.... o_o!!!! god they really thought they could????? lmao!!!!!!

the tear in this (our gentle language)

“I’m going back to Brazil.”

He isn’t asking for permission. This isn’t a consultation. Hinata Shouyou informs his boyfriend at their after-practice practice. Miya Atsumu has a volleyball in each arm, trying to pick up a third. It drops and rolls away from him. The thud resounding in an empty gymnasium.

Shouyou had tried to envision Atsumu’s reaction many times. He never expected to be met with silence.

Alternatively: an exploration of Hinata Shouyou’s return to Brazil

words: 7,204 | rating: M

ldr CAN be romantic ok!!!!!!!! it takes a lot of communication, time, and love ; ;

evening sun

Atsumu looks at Shouyou and thinks, I want to know every inch of you.

words: 1,502 rating: M

[jaimetheexplorer]

I brought down by niks latest interview.Saying "J never needed redemp.He was a guy who certain circumstances in his life e.g. Kingslayer so then he needed to redeem himself bc he did this horrible thing when killing the Mad King. Then N said the redemp arc where he had to be good guy, stay with Bri etc that's not GOT.You cant erase ur prev life.Jaime bel that redeem urself meant redeeming his past and he couldnt. He can't cut off who he was.The idea of leaving C alone is impossible to him" Wtf?

2/2 Downhearted anon. Just that interview makes no sense. In prev season interviews, wasnt Nik wanting Jaime to escape Cersei for good and be with Braime forever, like he was the biggest Braime shipper??? I dont understand. Does he think ppl don’t remember stuff? Its a shame theres no way to ask him about this.

Dear Downhearted anon,

I have to admit I read only a short excerpt from that interview, so I might have missed some of the other content, but, from what I read, this is what I can say.

There are different layers to his comments, IMO. One is the take on the story, and the other is the justification of the writing choices. And, as much as I might vehemently disagree with the former, what I take issue with is the latter.

When it comes to the take on the story, we have to remember that he has to talk about the actual content of the show. The show, unfortunately, did go with the idea that Jaime is essentially doomed to never escape his past. I do not believe that is his arc in the books for many reasons, and I think it was extremely underwhelming, nihlistic and unsatisfying even just taking the context of the show into account. But, unfortunately, nihilistic and unsatisfying is what we got. The show was aiming for romanticizing incest and abuse romantic tragedy with JC, in the end (I actually think there was a far more disastrous chain of events at play, which required multiple OOC developments for multiple major characters just to arrive to Jon killing Dany - but that’s a longer story), and it is what it is. He has to talk about the reality of the episodes, not the alternatives.

If you take most of Nik’s comments, and go back to read D&D’s and Cogman’s interviews from the past, you’ll notice that it’s mostly stuff that’s lifted straight from their quotes, even down to the language: “good guy/bad guy”, “he doesn’t have a redemption arc”, “it’s just life, and he has made some mistakes”. I don’t know whether this is because he had a “final season” briefing with them and came around to see things their way and agree, or because he was told this is what he was supposed to say about the story, or because even though he doesn’t agree with it, this is what was written in the end and so this is what he talks about. His reasoning for saying these things is anybody’s guess and kind of beyond the point. But, where before he used to have his own take on the character and his arc, he’s now basically regurgitating the party line.

For my part, I never completely disagreed with the idea that Jaime does not need redemption per se. Jaime doesn’t need atonement for slaying the Mad King, for sure. He needs recognition for that. He needs atonement for a other horrible things he’s done, but even those (e.g., pushing Bran, the incest) are more about moral gray areas areas than villainous behaviour per se, since he’s never committed atrocious acts just for his own selfish gain, or for power, or because he enjoyed hurting and killing. More importantly, I have always seen Jaime’s story as more of an identity arc, where redemption is just one component. In that sense, I can agree with the take that that he is a “complex character who, at times, has made some terrible mistakes”. Jaime is not, and never was, a straightforward villain who needs to atone for his sins. He’s a much more complex and layered mix of sins and honour, and goodness and idealism turned bitterness and cynicism, and a messy product of living most of his life in toxic and abusive environments who, in some situations, has committed some horrible mistakes that he needs to own up to and face the consequences of, and who is trying to redefine and reinvent himself in the aftermath of some life-changing events such as losing his hand, meeting Brienne and growing disillusioned with Cersei. 

The problem is that, while D&D preach about Jaime being a complex character who does not need a ‘cheesy’ linear redemption arc, they also, in the same breath, justify an ending that shoves him precisely into a clear, black-and-white, simplistic category (”he just accepts he is a hateful man”) or display the psychological depth of a 5th grader (go check out their take on the sept scene in their Oxford Union Q&A and their inability to think in any more complex terms than “good guy/bad guy” or to understand that not all “bad” actions are equal). They’re not deep writers, and that shows painfully in their execution. But I can understand the “no need for redemption” arc, from a theoretical/philosophical perspective.

What I take far more issue with is justifying writing choices by attempting to play the realism card, or the adult writing card, or the “this is GoT” card, basically implying that everyone who dislikes or criticize it is being unrealistic, immature or unsophisticated for not accepting the only inevitable outcome to a story (I wrote a twitter thread about it this week). Just because your story has decided to depict things in a certain way, it does not mean that that is the only realistic option for the story, and that people who expected/wanted/hoped for something different were fooling themselves, let alone that it had to be written that way because that is how life works.

Sure, there are people who fail to break away from their (abusive, traumatic, toxic, what have you) past and move on, but there are also plenty of people who do, and who end up thriving. One outcome isn’t any more realistic or true to life than the others. And, while some might think this is a hyperbole, it is highly irresponsible, IMO, to say that being unable to escape toxicity and your past is “the way things are”, when there might be people out there who do struggle with trauma, toxic and abusive relationship (or know people who do).

On top of that, it is rather silly to imply that we were expecting some unrealistic, too-easy scenario, where Jaime flipped a switch and totally erased his past overnight. That implication is misguided, at best, and dishonest, at worst. We put up with four entire seasons of show-only “non-linear” storytelling when it comes to Jaime, and were incredibly patient with it. Wasn’t the point of those four seasons precisely to show that life is complicated and he couldn’t just let go of his past so easily? We watched that. It happened. Nothing about this was easy or unearned.

Had we been shown a Jaime who was 100%, stupidly and completely devoted to Cersei at every turn, cruel, evil, selfish and not caring about the innocents, of course expecting an outcome where he just leaves it all behind for a honourable wench or what have you would have been a ridiculous expectation to have. Indeed, back when Jaime did come across as that kind of character, nobody was expecting anything from him. He could have died with Cersei under those bricks and most wouldn’t have cared.

Instead, for years, we were shown a Jaime that did struggle between his toxic past/Cersei and his honour and, far more often than not, we saw his honour win out. While I can see an argument for saying that didn’t guarantee an outcome where he did break free of his past for good, it’s not like like there was no buildup or seeding for the more positive, less nihilistic alternative. So I don’t find it so far fetched to have expected the events of S7 to be the last straw that finally tipped the scales completely to the other side (especially considering how 8x02 was written very heavily to imply just that or, at the very least, did not seed any doubt).

By Nikolaj’s own admission in TONS of interviews, he had been fighting with D&D for years because he expected things to move in a certain direction and kept getting frustrated when they didn’t, or when they confused him. He wanted the exact same things we wanted for Jaime and in his relationships with Cersei and Brienne since SEASON 2. He might have resigned himself in the end to having lost the battle, but he behaved exactly like us for years. So, assuming he believes what he is saying, if I could talk to him, I’d ask him how is it that he got the same feeling of “expectation” for something that in the end never came? Maybe because the seeding for both options were there all along? Maybe because, if the seeding for both options were there all along, the alternative isn’t so far fetched and inconceivable after all? Maybe because if the alternative isn’t so far fetched and inconceivable after all, then what we got isn’t the only inevitable way this could go down? Food for thought.

Of course, I want to believe that he isn’t that tone-deaf and unsophisticated as an actor (and a writer) not to realize that the only problem with the way Jaime and JB were written in S8 was not the fact that they didn’t get a HEA. Ignoring the writing quality, for a moment, and just focusing on the writing choices, there were literally dozens of ways of writing a story that ended even in a similar tragedy (EVEN with Jaime dying with Cersei), that would have been far better and more satisfying than what we got. The problem isn’t that Jaime didn’t declare his everlasting love for Brienne or that he didn’t stay together with her. The problem is that we patiently waited through all the buildup and seeding mentioned above, for years, for a relationship that ended up being butchered within 30 minutes, destroying literally everything it ever stood for (first and foremost trust and respect - I am not going to list everything, but Jaime trying to sneak out without so much of a goodbye and being completely indifferent to her pain after she vouched for him and saved his life multiple times was not only OOC, but completely unnecessary to the plot, unless it aimed to destroy the foundations of their bond, way beyond the romance).

To conclude, I’ll leave you with GRRM’s own words, when asked about Jaime’s redemption arc that he, unlike the show, has explicitly stated he wishes to explore:

“I want there to be a possibility of redemption for us, because we all do terrible things. We should be able to be forgiven. Because if there’s no possibility of redemption, what’s the answer then?”

The show decided that the answer is that we don’t escape our past. We are doomed from the beginning and any attempt to change and move on is eventually futile (and that ended up being true of nearly every character in the show, not just Jaime). But that doesn’t seem to be at all the stance GRRM has on this whole thing, and I would dare anyone to tell me that GRRM’s vision and his writing are inferior, too easy, or less realistic than what we got from the show.

There’s no guarantee that Jaime will survive in the books, or that he and Brienne will get a HEA (although I do not rule it out at all).  But the fact that the man who invented these characters and this world has a different stance on Jaime and redemption automatically invalidates any nonsense show people can say about how this was the perfect and only way it could end, and that expecting anything different from this series was wishful thinking.

[serenefreakgeekao3]

🌈; 🌕+☀️male ships please? (I'm Slytherin and a girl btw) I have GAD, MaDD and obsessive tendencies so I have some issues. I am opinionated and adore debate, writing/reading, and photography. I love art museums, too. I'm really sensitive and tend to lash out, but I'm really empathetic and always feel bad. Im a very introverted person as a result, and focus alot on grades. I have a sense of humor, though. Also I can't choose between an edgy or soft style so I'm always changing.

A/N: I share your nuerodivergent brain symptoms, so I relate to this pretty well. I hope this works out! And I hope you're doing well!

I SHIP YOU WITH:

🌕Remus Lupin

You are a fairly private and shy person, so you typically didn't branch out from your few friends. However, sometimes your brain would get to you, and you'd be in a crowded hall or near a group of people who were laughing, and you'd feel your body begin to freak out. One of these times, you had managed to quickly dash into a nearby empty room, breathing quickly with tears in your eyes.

When the door opened, your heart practically stopped, but it was only one kind boy entering quickly, shutting the door behind him. You both stared at each other for a moment before he reaching for his inside pocket, pulling out some chocolate. "This helps me, usually." You thanked him, reaching for the chocolate and eating it slowly as he sat next to you on the floor, staring at the opposite wall, quite like you. After a few moments he whispered that you could talk if you wanted to- it helps sometimes- and you nodded your understanding.

Once you felt yourself calm enough, you began apologizing- which he quickly debunked- and explained that crowds make you uncomfortable, and how your paranoid brain told you people were making fun of you, even if you knew rationally that hadn't been true.

Remus nodded, glancing at you with a soft smile before reaching over to pat your shoulder. "I understand those fears. Not to the extent you do, of course, but I have some slight idea."

He then changed the subject, speaking about how he had seen you in one of his classes before, and had seen you reading and had always wanted to ask what it was. You both began discussing your favourite books, and quickly delved into other subjects as well. After awhile, you realize you're feeling completely better, and you thank him for the help.

"It was no problem at all, I enjoy your company. Maybe we could hang out again soon?" You both promised to meet back up in the library, and it became a frequent occurence. Eventually, Remus took to walking you through the halls to helps with your social anxiety, and you were slowly introduced to his best friends that he always spoke about.

Remus was never one much for debate, instead listening and adapting his opinions based on facts he hears. However, once you met both James and Sirius, they shared your affinity for debate, and you shared lengthy conversations about various topics. Remus was very obviously pleased that you all got along great, and you were happy to finally find people to be around that didnt drain you.

It was after you all graduated Hogwarts together that Remus finally told you he was a werewolf. You had known something was up, considering he disappeared every month, but you hadn't been too worried about it. When he told you, you decided to research and look up everything you could about them to better understand your friend. Once Remus realized that you weren't going to run away scared, he finally asked you on your first date. Romantic feelings began blooming over time, and love was slow but sure.

☀️Neville Longbottom

You knew of Neville Longbottom, sure. Everyone had heard of him, or had seen him stumbling through the halls as a kid or calling for his frog he had lost sometimes. It wasnt until seventh year when the Death Eaters had taken over Hogwarts that you had /noticed/ him. He was brave- stupidly brave- and would stand up for justice and take the punishments himself if it was for the younger years. Seeing him volunteer to take a Crucio so that a first year hufflepuff didn't have to made you simultaneously hurt inside, but feeling an overwhelming need to help him.

You stood up for him when you could, when no one was paying attention. If there were "prefects" chasing him, you'd distract them with a spell or misdirect them, causing them to lose him. You made sure that if the Curcio was going on a little too long that you'd cause some kind of disruption somewhere else, making the attacker direct their attention somewhere else.

But of course, someone was bound to notice. It was unfortunate that it happened to be one of the Carrows. While Neville was being Crucio'd, for much too long a time, you glanced around trying to find something you could use. Seeing a trophy case in the next hall, you pointed your wand to it and shattered the glass, quickly stowing your wand away. That was a common trick of yours, one that worked the most often. And indeed, it distracted the attacker, who stopped the Crucio and turned to run into the hallway.

You quickly rushed toward Neville, helping him to stand and whispering quickly that you needed to get out of there. That was before you suddenly were struck in the back, and your entire body lit up in pain. You screamed and fell, Neville catching you and laying you down. You could barely pay attention to your surroundings, but you heard him yelling and screaming to leave you alone, to punish him instead. But the pain kept on. Until it didn't anymore.

Glancing back, still sore and tired, you breathed deeply and noticed Neville standing over an unconscious body. His knuckles were bloodied and he was heaving, but he quickly rushed to you and helped you up, pulling you to a nearby classroom.

"I had noticed you were helping me," He had said, eventually, after making sure you had drank water and were feeling better. "I thought it wasn't just me at first, that you just happened to do that. But at the same time, I guess anytime I'm around that injustice, it's always me stepping up loudly. So it's always me you're helping." Neville laughed slightly, rubbing the back of his head. "I do have to thank you though. If it hadn't been for you, I'd probably be dead by now."

From then on, the two of you looked out for each other closely, but didn't spend too much time close together. Showing the Death Eaters that you cared for one another would only end in pain.

Flash forward, and /somehow/ you both had survived the war. It was months later, and Hogwarts was just starting up again. McGonagall had invited you back to repeat your seventh year, and you agreed knowing that you'd need the credits for your future. Then, you had seen Neville again.

At first you were too shy to approach him. You hadn't actually talked with him much the year before, perhaps you had been imagining the close relationship you thought the two of you had? But you couldn't stop yourself from meeting his gaze everytime you entered a room, smiling and nodding to each other.

It was Neville who finally approached you, a month later. He was shy, and it was so adorable. He asked if you'd go to Hogsmeade with him, and you agreed immediately. From then on, you two were hardly ever separated, learning about each other more and more each day. You never spoke of seventh year unless it was during the night, in hushed voices, speaking of fears of losing your own life or his, fears that he shared. He held you close, tightly in his arms, and promised to never let you go.

[loki-fanfic-whore]

Falling From Olympus ch.2

Warnings- noncon situations. Teasing

@drakesfiance @kybaeza

Chapter 2 Incite

Loki followed you back into the palace and smirked as you became utterly lost. He followed silently behind as you turned this way and that way, down this corridor and back down another.

He would never admit this to you, but he had no intentions of giving you back. You were too new and exotic and things were painfully droll in Asgard at the moment.

After he had had his fun and you were frustrated almost to tears he appeared beside you to offer his help. You had wondered into a corridor near the diplomats living quarters and the war room.

"Would you enjoy some company from someone who is seasoned in the layout of this castle, princess? " we purred out the word princess. If 'Zeus' was your father and was indeed a king of gods, like Odin, than that made you a princess by all respects. It also made you an eligible bachelorette for him to sink his teeth into.

"Loki! How long have you watched me and yet only now that I am frustrated you offer help?" You chide him immediately calling him out.

"I did no such thing madame. I simply found you aimlessly wandering near our war room. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you came here on purpose to learn our secrets as a spy!" Loki lied effortlessly and goaded you, laying a trap.

"I have no need for war, Loki. I am a goddess of Spring and Vegetation. What could I possibly need for war?"

"Perhaps it isn't for you, perhaps you want to take this information back to your momma." His voice dripped with fake accusatory tones.

"My mother is the goddess of harvest and law. A virtuous and fertile goddess, She would have no need for war as well Loki. Enough of this foolish quandary. Please take me back to my room. I feel dizzy from the air here." You were a little pale in the face and could feel a slight sheen of sweat on your skin. The air felt stifling hot.

Loki snickered and held up his hands in defense.

"You caught me. I was only trying to goad you-"

"Yes well it didnt work. I-I need to rest. Please re-turn me-" you stuttered the words as you felt a great blackness coming on. Your body going limp you fell towards Loki, your face connecting against his chest. He sighed gently and lifted your frame. Cuddling you to him as he walked across the palace to your quarters.

"Dear gods for a tiny creature you are heavy!" He teased you even when you could not hear. You were plunged into a vision

"I Will Kill All The Land If I Do Not Get My Daughter Back." It was Demeter, with her golden hair tied up in messy curls around her acorn face. She was naturally beautiful, and even though she was virtuous, she was cold hearted. A shiver ran down your spine as you watched the other gods at the table murmur amongst themselves.

"Demeter, we haven't seen her. She was here last night, but must have run away. Perhaps she found a mortal to love and thought tou wouldnt agree?" Hermes offered as a consolation idea. You shuddered at the glare Demeter gave him, her finger tips wrapping on the table loudly.

"A mortal?! A MORTAL?! You think My daughter has stupidly run after a mortal?!" She placed a hand to her forehead and looked down at her lap.

"I was simply offering a possible explanation, I am not saying it is true." Hermes countered, but Demeter would have none of it. She was now fixated on this possibility.

"A drought." She snapped her head up from her lap to stare them all in the eyes.

"I swear by my mother, Rhea, that I will drought and freeze the land until she is found!" A soft gasp was heard around the table.

"Demeter the mortals will die without your prosperity." Hera spoke gently trying to persuade her to see the logic.

"I do not care if mortals die! I care about my daughter! She is all I have!" Demeter then broke down into tears and ran from the table. You watched as earth began to become cold. The leaves dried and turned brown falling from the trees. Even though it hadn't hurt the mortals yet. You feared that soon it would lead to the demise of many.

You Had To Get Home.

"Princess?" Loki spoke gently as he laid you down on your bed. A soft moan left your lips but you were still incapacitated to the fullest extent. Loki took a step back and watched as you shivered, obviously chilled, but yet you had a sheen of sweat upon your skin. You had a fever.

He quickly covered you in a thin cotton sheet and had a maid fetch a small bowl of water and a cloth. He dipped the cloth in the cool water and gently, so gently he trembled, began to wash your face and neck in an attempt to cool you down. He studied your features in awe, as a sculptor would admire his work, his finger tips gently grazing your skin every now and again. He marveled at how perfect your face was, even though it was not fully mirrored in symmetry, it was still absolutely stunning.

You moaned again but still you kept your eyes closed. Loki moved down to your shoulders and chest. Even though he was the God of tricks and mischief he was careful not to touch you in any lewd way. Only stealing grazes of your skin against his finger tips here and there. He gently wiped down your arms and hands before he stood. You had stopped shivering, but your skin was covered in goosebumps; probably from the cool water and his gently touches.

"Fetch me a fruit." He called to the maid handing the bowl off.

"What would you prefer my prince?" The maid asked sweetly curtsied at his feet.

"I dont care. Just bring me a fruit." Loki repeated coldly.

"As the goddess of spring, surely you eat your laborious fruit." He teased your lithe unconcious body.

The maid returned with a peach and handed the fruit to him. He dismissed the maid then walked to the bed sitting next to you. He couldn't force the peach into your mouth for fear you'd wake and choke, but he could give you the juices. He gently bit into the peach and felt the juice overflowing I'm his mouth. A grin formed across his lips as a plan began to take shape in his head. He leaned down and cupped your chin; with a slight tug with his thumb, you opened your mouth and he connected his briefly to allow some of the juice to spill into you. It was the most chaste kiss he had ever given had yet he was blushing furiously as his heart lept through his chest for it was beating so fast. He immediately sat up and grinned as you drank the juice greedily, another moan escaping, this moan longer and more needy.

"Princess? It's time to wake up." He spoke breathlessly trying to calm down. He felt absolutely giddy from what he had just accomplished undetected; laughing softly to himself as he finished eating the piece of fruit in his mouth. His eyes trained on you. Once the peach was gone he placed the seed in one of your hands and watched intently. You subconsciously closed your hand around it and a small green vine grew between your fingers. It was tiny and unable to show distinctive features, but it was still impressive to Loki that even in your unconcious state you could will things to grow.

Groaning out your eyes opened and you assessed where you were.

"Oh good. You are alive." Loki teased as he sat on the foot of the bed watching you.

You sat up and tried to put your hand to your head, but felt the peach seed. Looking down you became utterly confused.

"Loki were you playing a trick on me while I was inert?" You spoke in a harsh tone but your eyes betrayed you as you smiled at the peach plant, barely a sapling growing in your hands.

"It wasnt a trick. I was trying to wake you. I gave you a bit of the juice then handed you the seed. You inadvertently began to help it grow." He explained watching you in secret awe as you blew onto the leaves causing the tree to twist upward growing larger.

" Please...plant this tonight. It will grow to bare fruit by morning." You smiled handing the sapling to him. He called for a maid and handed the delicate plant off explaining your suggestion.

"Now then, princess, while that is done and out of the way. Can you tell me why you fainted?" Loki paced slowly about the room. You stayed in bed simply watching him pace.

"I didnt faint. I had a vision. My body just become incapacitated because my mind is elsewhere... I watched as momma threatened every mortal with death if she did not get me back. I watched as the leaves of beautiful trees turned brown and the trees shivered the deadness off. They were bare and barren...and it scares me....the trees are always meant to bare fruit and shade...without it the mortals will surely perish." You subconsciously bit your bottom lip as you began to worry. Loki had to dart his eyes away at the sight of your pink lips, once again sticky with juice being bitten. Images of him biting and sucking them flooded his mind and he felt himself twitch in his trousers.

"Maybe you should rest. I can have your meal sent here. We can reconvene tomorrow morning and form a plan to return you to Demeter." He redirected knowing he needed a rest much more than you. You nodded and settled back against the pillows. He moved to the door way.

"Good night princess." He called softly, his back to you. He was hiding the fact his eyes were dark with lust and his heart had begun to furiously beat against his chest again.

"Good night...and thank you Loki." You spoke as he closed your door. Loki moved swiftly to his room as he mumbled.

"Dont thank me yet, my pet." He needed to rut into something roughly to force the images of you from his mind. He called for a maid. He would satisfy his every will tonight.

[thediariesofastoriagreengrass]

not to intrude or anything but just wondering, why do you need surger(y/ies)

Okay yeah, we need to go into this, you guys should know what’s going on. I am not going to tell you exactly what is wrong with me because to be honest it’s a bit embarrassing and to tell you the truth, trust me, you guys don’t want to know. But here is the story of Jamie and her stupid body:

I have an internal infection that cannot stop being infected without these surgeries. Basically, I am stuck in bed for a while and driving or going long distances is out of the question. I have been dealing with this issue since March, thus why you guys haven’t seen much of me. I found a lump in my body sometime before the beginning of the year but stupidly did not get it checked out right away. (If you find a lump on your body don’t delay GO TO THE DOCTOR) In March it started to hurt so I went to the doctor who thought it was a cyst and sent me to the first surgeon. This surgeon was the worst doctor I have ever experienced, and I had a different doctor who slut-shamed me to my face! The first procedure she did to me she did even tell me when she was starting. I thought she was stabbing me with a knife so I asked “What are you doing” TWICE and she didn't answer me until she finished! Two weeks later she had me do a follow-up and lo and behold nothing had changed. She tried to do the same procedure again however I had a complete panic attack on the table. I begged her to schedule me to be put under, I have a fear of knives, she said that she already put the numbing in and I should be fine she poked the area and asked “does this hurt” to which I responded “YES” and she said “Well no it doesn’t because I am just touching it with my finger”. I began to beg again to be put under and she didn’t listen until my HUSBAND stepped in and said: “You have to put her under.” This pissed me off more because I was the patient not him. She once again tried to convince me that being put under wasn’t an option until the nurse right next to her said: “actually it is, it’s just not the best option, but it is possible.” They got me scheduled. On the day of that procedure (WHICH WAS THE NEXT DAY SO THERE WASNT ANY PROBLEM WITH ME GOING UNDER) I saw my surgeon for literally 2 seconds. Luckily the nurses were really nice. They put me under and drained my infection. Two weeks later and it was still there. I went back to my PC doctor and asked them to send me somewhere else and told the story to them. They were as pissed as I was about the way I had been treated and sent me to a completely different facility. That took another two weeks. This new surgeon was super nice, he listened to my story and looked at me and told me that it wasn’t a cyst and this particular ailment had to been handled by a specialist because if you mess up this particular kind of surgery it can leave me with a minor disability for the rest of my life. They sent a reference to one of the top hospitals in my part of the country they called me a week later and got me in as soon as they could... which was a month later. So last week I met up with yet another surgeon and she informed me about the procedure and told me that while it's my only option it has a 60-80% of succeeding without reoccurrence. Needless to say the week between then and now has been a bit of a stressful one.  The surgery told the doctor some not so great news but ultimately it means that my recovery process is going to take a lot longer and require at least one more surgery.

SO what does this mean for my ability to produce content? Well, that’s kind of up in the air. I was planning on doing a lot this summer and even wrote and casted 12 threads. Those are being put on hold for now. As for the threads I have agreed to be apart of this summer I am still 100% doing them. All of the people involved have been informed of my situation (or at least I think they have I will double-check on them) and understand that the later it is in the summer the more likely it will be that I will complete them. However, this also depends on how this first surgery goes! If it gets rid of most of the infection I will probably have more energy and thus be able to film faster. I might perhaps also be doing some low key onlines but my threads will have to wait because while filming for the 3 other collabs I have agreed to is fine, filming for 12 more sounds like a bad idea. 

I appreciate all of my friends, not to mention my amazing considerate and patient husband, who has helped me through this rough time. I hope to be getting back to making content soon.

Love, Jamie