#if i was a boy they wouldn't treat me like this. if i was a boy they'll love me for my quirks instead of hating me for my vices

[arpicityandneed]

The King's Man

18+ f!reader. King!Bucky. Head Knight!Steve. dirty talk. bi!Bucky. bi!Steve. sequel to You, Me, and the King. Sir kink. switch!Steve. switch!Bucky.

You'd received word from your maid that the King and his Knight were waiting for you in the King's chambers but still, you didn't expect to walk in on this when you passed the royal guard on the way in.

Steve was fucking your husbands throat like he'd done so countless of times before. His sword was resting on the table and he was shirtless, his creamy flushed skin on display as he threw his head back- and expression of rapt pleasure on his handsome features as he found his release. James' lashes were wet as he swallowed every drop, but he was looking up at his Steven with such adoration you almost wanted to be jealous.

Only when the door clicked behind you did Steve acknowledge you. James finally let Steve's shaft go, nuzzling the vee of his hip and catching his breath.

"I won a wager." Steve explained with a grin, "He thought I wouldn't be able to wait until the physician's officially declared the pregnancy."

"But you did.. so this was your reward?" You murmured, your mouth dry and your cunt throbbing. Your heart pounded in your chest realizing you'd finally have them both the way you wanted for months now. What was once a strange kingdom full of enemies was made bearable by the love you'd found in your two men.

"No, the reward was you. I'm just helping him last long enough to thoroughly enjoy his reward." Your husband's voice was hoarse, but as he stood you saw just how much he'd enjoyed being used by Steve. His breeches did little to hide the large bulge of his arousal.

"Come here my sweet," Steve held his hand out for you, and you took it shyly but stepped into his space without fear. "I'll take good care of you, I promise." He murmured as he lifted your hand to his lips kissing your knuckles gently.

"I know." And you did, you trusted him with your life, and to finally be able to see him in all his glory was a treat in and of itself. His cock was thick even when soft and his body was covered in scars and marks of battle that made him all the more attractive to you.

James came to stand behind you, trapping you between them as he kissed your shoulder. You shivered remembering vividly how wide they'd been stretched over Steve's cock.

"My wife." James worked at untying the laces of your dress, Steve's possessive gaze keeping you locked in place.

When the dress fell down your body James pressed a kiss to your shoulder before stepping back. That’s when you noticed the chair placed in direct viewing of the bed. A shiver went down your spine as you realized your King would be watching everything.

“Pants off James, I want to see you too.” Steve commanded with an ease that made your knees buckle, and your King obeyed with a pretty flush on his cheeks. You wanted to devour him and the new shyness you saw in his eyes.

“He’s so pretty..” the words slipped out before you could help it and Steve laughed, warm and rich. Your husband however didn’t say a word. He looked to Steve instead for guidance.

“James, what do you say?” Steve wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you closer, his naked body all hard lines and raw strength that made you melt against him.

“Thank you, love. You two—you’re beautiful together.” His voice was hushed and awed.

“Sit.” Steve murmured as he trailed his lips over your neck, his blue eyes clashing with James’ grey ones. When James obeyed, sitting with his thighs spread showing off just how eager he was, Steve smiled against your skin. “Good boy.”  James’ cock was leaking and flushed an angry red. But he made no move to touch himself without Steve’s permission.

“Now, I think I’ve waited long enough for this.” Steve led you to the bed and urged you to lay down, drinking in the sight of you bared for him with hungry eyes. “Let’s see if you’re ready for me, my queen.” Steve’s hand trailed up your thigh slow and possessive and you squeaked. Instantly he stopped and returned his gaze to yours.

“Just—just, y/n.” You mumbled shyly as you reached out to cup his jaw, not wanting to be anything but his lover in this moment.

“Y/n then.” Steve’s voice was thick with emotion as he kissed your palm. His hand resumed its path until he could cup your sex, his fingers growing slick as he played with your clit and fed one thick finger into you. You moaned softly and spread your thighs wider, eager and aching for your Knight.

“Not quite, think you need to give me one orgasm first.” Steve mused to himself as he lowered his mouth, hovering over where you needed him most. “Missed tasting you.”

“You spent two hours with her sitting on your face yesterday.” James snorted, unable to help himself as Steve glared at his King over his shoulder.

“Let’s say no cumming for a day since you want to be smart mouthed.” Steve smiled as James immediately flushed bright red and mumbled,

“Sorry, Sir.”

You whined for attention, squirming under Steve’s hold. “Shh, love. I’ve got you. I shouldn’t make you wait anymore should I?” Steve murmured gently with a crooked smile before latching onto your clit with single minded focus.

His fingers made a come hither motion, practiced and easy as he worked your body. It took everything you had not to scream—he always touched you just right.

“Jesus, James, she still tastes like you.” James made a strangled sound but wisely kept quiet, stretching you further and pushing you closer and closer to the edge.

All it took was one hard suck and you were flying, a million pieces of stardust as he groaned into your folds. You soaked his chin and fingers shamelessly. By the time you were back to the land of the living he was over you, gliding his cock through your slick folds and lubing up his shaft in your juices. Just tasting you was enough to make his cock hard as steel once more.

“You’re going to scream for me, and I don’t give a fuck who hears. Do you understand?” Steve was usually a gentle man, soft spoken with you and always so considerate. But the Steve on top of you was a barely contained animal. Wild eyed with a will strong enough to subdue even your King.

“Yes, Sir.” You knew it was the right answer when his pupils dilated, and he lined up his cock against your entrance that clenched around nothing—aching more than anything to be filled.

“That’s a good girl.” He kissed you as he pushed in, inch by inch. Steve’s shaft was thicker than your husbands and you cried out your legs wrapping around his waist as you pulled him deeper into you.

Greedy, that’s how Steve’s cock made you feel as it split you open.

“Fuck, James, you shouldn’t have let me have her.” Steve growled, his girth safely tucked inside your gummy walls so deep he could feel his cock when he pressed his hand into the softness of your belly. “I’m never going to get enough of her.” You were whimpering at every word. Just a prize to be passed back and forth between the only two men worthy of you, the thought made you clench down on Steve’s cock even tighter.

“You can speak, James.” Steve’s smug voice, his cock throbbing inside you as the leaking tip pressed a loving wet kiss to your cervix, it was all too much and he’d barely started moving yet.

“Can—" you’d never heard your husband’s voice so wrecked. “Can I come closer, Sir? I want to see.”

“You may. Hold her hand like a good little husband.” Steve ordered and within a few seconds you felt a warm hand slip into yours, James’ gaze heavy as a touch as he stared where you and Steve were joined.

“She’s barely able to take you.” Why did he sound so pleased? Why wasn’t Steve fucking you yet?

“Shh, pretty thing. I got you.” Steve cooed at you, cupping your breast in one hand and pinching your nipple lightly—groaning when it made your pussy flutter around his cock hungrily. “Just making sure there’s no pain.”

“None, promise, promise, just please!” You begged shamelessly, having waiting as long as he had to feel him.

“Please what?” That’s when you realized the game, he wanted you to say it. Scream your intentions like you had with your husband.

“I want you to fuck me!” You cried, tears gathering on your lashes in frustration.

“Not your husband?” Steve taunted as he gave your breast a squeeze.

You shook your head frantically, your bottom lip jutting out as you looked up at Steve. “Want you now,” you admitted honestly. James’ hands tightened in yours but he didn’t need to say a word as his cock leaked. “Waited, I was good, so good, want your cock Sir, please.”

“Good girl, my good girl.” Steve groaned and started fucking you slow and filthy, rolling his hips and staying mostly buried inside you as his fat cock hit every pleasurable spot with ease.

“You’re doing so good sweetheart, taking his cock isn’t easy.” You moaned at your husbands words, realizing exactly what he’d meant. He’d taken Steve’s cock before. But you couldn’t focus on anything other than Steve’s controlled thrusts. You knew he was holding back but it was already so much, your pussy gushing on his cock and making each thrust a little easier.

“More!” You begged, barely able to keep your eyes open as you tightened your legs around his waist. Steve grinned, feral and sharp.

“As you wish.”

Then all coherent thought was lost, Steve starting to fuck you in earnest until he was splitting you in two ruthlessly. James never let go of your hand and you were drowning in the pleasure you were given.

Steve’s cock squelched through your juices, your arousal coating his heavy balls as he fucked you hard and deep. He was a hurricane and all you could do was hold on for the ride. You free arm was thrown around his neck holding him close as you screamed out,

“Sir! Please, please, more!” You couldn’t stop yourself. Every thrust of his cock was melting your brain, and James’ encouraging words in your ear was only fanning the flames.

“You can take it can’t you my love? So good for us, you’ll have his baby next won’t you? I want to see it, our children playing together. Just gotta do what you did for me. Take all his cum right in your pretty little pussy again and again.” James was rambling, aching to touch his cock but too obedient to disobey Steve’s order not to cum.

“Fuck,” Steve was lost in your pussy. Couldn’t look away from your pussy sucking him in, like you couldn’t wait to milk him for his load.

“Want his babies, need it!” You squealed as Steve shifted the angle of his hips, hitting that perfect spot that made you see stars. If you’d been coherent you’d be able to see the toothy grin on Steve’s face.

“That’s it, make all your prettiest noises for me y/n. Feel so fucking tight love,” Steve groaned as he got close, his balls slapping against your ass with every thrust aching to fill you up. His thumb found your clit with practiced ease and with quick tight circles you were thrown off the edge without warning.

“’m not pulling out. You’re gonna take what I give you, when I want to give it.” It wasn’t a question and yet you nodded immediately, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as you squirted, your arousal splashing out of you—Steve fucking you through your orgasm without mercy.

Only when he started to cum did he slow down, grinding in every spurt of seed into your pussy like he could force your body to accept his seed into your womb.

“Beautiful.” James murmured as he kissed your forehead, squeezing your hand and checking over your face. You were drifting—so safe and full of light you felt like you were floating.

Steve had to gently pry your legs off his waist before he could slowly separate himself from you, his copious amount of cum leaking out of your gaping hole in a lewd display that made Steve wish he had the stamina to fuck you again immediately.

“She’s still feeling it,” James murmured above your head as he looked to Steve, and if you strained you could focus on Steve’s reply.

“That’s alright, let her rest.” Steve whispered back, his thick fingers spreading your pussy lips wide so he could stare directly at your hole as it gushed and twitched.

But then he turned to his friend and grinned.

“Would you like sloppy seconds, my King?”

[eu-nicola]

not yours part 2

summary: Rafe Cameron is the perfect boyfriend… but not yours, but Sofia’s. However, fate plays against you when you become the only person capable of understanding him in his darkest moments. What begins as a dangerous friendship soon becomes an attraction impossible to deny.

warnings: nothing i think

word counter: 9057

author’s note: english is not my first language and how I love to use movie quotes, please please tell me if you want to be on my taglist as I'm going to make a new one

tags: @immyowndefender @xcinnamonmalfoyx @wtfdudesblog

The night had started off quiet, too quiet for your liking. You had met up with some friends at the usual club, but soon everything became monotonous. Loud music, laughter, a few interested glances from boys you didn't care about... Nothing new. You were used to standing out, to getting attention, and today you felt a latent need for something different, something that would get you out of that routine. What you didn't expect was that the night would take an unexpected turn and that you would end up running next to Rafe Cameron, with your heart beating a thousand miles an hour.

It all started with a simple misunderstanding. A group of unknown boys approached you at the bar, insisting on drinks and comments that went from flattering to annoying in a matter of minutes. At first, you tried to ignore them, but one of them didn't get the message. His hand rested on your arm with too much confidence, pulling you as if he had the right to do so.

"Let me go," you said firmly, looking him straight in the eyes.

The boy laughed, as if your words had no weight, and continued to insist. You didn't like being treated like that, as if you were just another one they could manipulate at will. You were about to let go when Rafe appeared out of nowhere, as if he had been observing the situation from afar. His mere presence changed the dynamic in an instant.

"Do you have a problem?" Rafe asked, his tone calm but full of tension, as if he was already ready for anything.

The boys looked at him, assessing him. Rafe didn't need to say much to command respect; he was the kind of person who could make someone doubt with just his gaze. But this time, the boys decided not to back down.

"It's none of your business, buddy," one of them replied, defying the calm that still remained in the atmosphere.

And then, everything exploded.

What followed was a succession of quick movements, blows and pushes. Rafe was the first to attack, with a precision that made it clear that it was not his first fight. You, though surprised, weren't far behind. You'd always had that explosive side, that energy that made you face things without thinking twice. One of the boys got too close and without hesitation, you pushed him back with more force than he expected.

Chaos broke out. The music was still playing in the background, mixing with the screams and the sound of glasses falling to the floor. Adrenaline was running through your veins. You weren't scared; you were alive, more alive than you had felt in days.

In a matter of minutes, it was all over. The boys were either on the ground or far enough away that you wouldn't try again. You and Rafe barely looked at each other, there was just an exchange of quick glances and the urgent need to disappear.

"Let's go," he said, taking your hand without waiting for an answer.

And you ran with him, leaving the club as if you were escaping a fire. Laughter began to bubble in your chest as they ran through the dark streets, away from the chaos they had left behind. Rafe, always so serious and controlled, was laughing too, that sincere laugh he rarely showed. It was contagious, and before you knew it, you were both cracking up.

“What the hell was that?” you asked between laughs, finally stopping in a dark alley where no one could see you.

Rafe leaned against the wall, still breathing heavily. His face was illuminated by the distant lights, and for a second you realized how rare it was to see him like this, so relaxed, so… human.

“What we do best, I guess,” he replied, running a hand through his messy hair. There was a spark in his eyes, an emotion that mirrored yours.

You leaned against him, breathing deeply as you tried to calm yourself. The silence between the two of you was comfortable, a pause amidst all the adrenaline.

“You know?” you finally said, turning your head to look at him. “It was fun.”

Rafe let out a soft laugh, tilting his head at you.

“Do you like getting into trouble?” he asked you with a lopsided grin.

“No more than you do,” you replied with a wink.

After a few more minutes, Rafe straightened up.

“We better get moving before someone finds us,” he said, holding out his hand to you.

You took it without hesitation, letting him lead you back to his car. The engine roared as they drove away from the place, and you, with the window open and the wind hitting your face.

A few minutes later Rafe’s car stopped in front of your house after a ride in which both of you had remained silent. But it wasn’t awkward.

“Well, here we are, princess pogue,” Rafe said with a crooked smile, glancing at you out of the corner of your eye as he turned off the engine.

You laughed softly and turned to him, leaning your elbow on the car door. That nickname had something of a mockery to it, but it didn’t bother you. If there was one thing you had learned in all this time with him, it was that this mix of sarcasm and humor was part of his charm.

“I know. So exotic, so out of your perfect world, right?” you joked, faking an arrogant expression while you looked at your nails, as if you were the queen of the entire Outer Banks.

Rafe let out a laugh, one you had rarely heard from him, deep and sincere.

“I almost feel like I should ask you for an autograph before you enter your mansion.”

“Sure. But I would charge you… and I don’t think I would be able to afford it, Cameron.” You joked back, raising a challenging eyebrow.

Rafe shook his head. There was something about you that threw him off, took him out of that character he always wore.

“Don’t underestimate me. Maybe I’ll surprise myself and have enough to pay for your expensive autographs.” He replied with a mocking smile.

You laughed again, enjoying that lightness that was rare when you were around him. Rafe had a reputation, and you knew it better than anyone. But at times like this, he felt different, more human, closer.

“Well, we’ll see if you get lucky next time.”

You opened the car door and climbed out, the cool night air hitting your face. From the open door, you leaned into him once more.

“Thanks for saving me from those idiots. I think I could handle it though…” you said with a playful smile.

Rafe looked at you with a mix of amusement and something else, something you couldn’t quite figure out.

“Sure, but… it doesn’t hurt to have someone watching your back, right?” He winked at you.

“No, it doesn’t hurt.” you admitted quietly.

The two of you looked at each other for a moment longer, a moment suspended in the air before he looked away and started the car again.

“See you soon.” He said before speeding off and disappearing into the darkness of the night.

You stood on the sidewalk for a second, watching the taillights of Rafe’s car fade into the distance. There was something about him, that mix of danger and calm, that made you feel alive. Something that drew you in, even when you knew you shouldn't.

With a sigh, you turned and entered your house. 

The next day, sunlight filtered timidly through the curtains of your room. You woke up early, as always. You could still feel the echo of the laughter shared with Rafe on your skin and how the emotion of the moment had left you in an almost euphoric state. But today, that emotion had to take a backseat. It was Sofia’s birthday. And that meant that your best friend needed you. 

Still between the sheets, you grabbed your phone and sent her a message:

“Happy birthday, Sof 🎉! I hope you’re ready to be the center of attention today… Although that’s not much different than any other day, right?”

Sofia’s response came almost immediately. 

“Thank you!! ❤️ I’m so excited and nervous at the same time. I don’t want anything to go wrong tonight.”

You laughed softly, imagining the mix of excitement and anxiety that was probably shining in her eyes at that moment. Sofia had always been like that, wanting everything to be perfect.

You quickly wrote a reply:

“Relax, everything will be fine. I'll come early to help you with whatever you need. You're not going to do this alone.”

“You're the best. Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without you. See you in a bit! 😊”

You got out of bed, already with a clear idea in mind. The night was going to be important for Sofia, and you were going to make sure it was perfect. After all, she was your best friend, and her happiness had always been on your priority list.

You went to the bathroom, took a shower, and got ready with the same dedication as always. You liked to be impeccable, and today would be no exception. You opted for a casual but elegant look: light shorts and a tank top in a neutral tone that highlighted your tan. Your hair was loose, with soft natural waves, and a touch of makeup that highlighted your eyes.

Before you left, you took one last look at yourself in the mirror, making sure everything was in its place.

You grabbed your bag and walked out, walking towards the Cameron house.

When you reached the door, you couldn’t help but feel a slight thrill. There was always something about that house that gave you a mix of nerves and anticipation. You knocked softly, and before you could wait too long, the door swung open. Sofia was there, beaming, with a wide smile and an energy that seemed contagious.

“You’re here!” she exclaimed, hugging you tightly. “Thank you for coming. I don’t know where to start… there are so many things to do.”

“That’s what I’m here to do, calm you down and help you organize everything.” You hugged her back just as intensely, smiling. “First, breathe. Everything’s going to be okay. Today is your day, and you have to enjoy it.”

“I’ll try,” Sofia replied, giggling nervously as she led you inside. “But you know how I am.” If something goes wrong…

“Nothing is going to go wrong,” you interrupted her firmly. “Trust me. Now tell me, where do we start?”

Sofia led you to the kitchen, where there was an endless list of things to do: decorations, food, everything needed for a party that promised to be the event of the month.

When they finally finished, the sun was beginning to set behind the horizon. The house was impeccable and elegantly decorated. Sofia had taken care of every detail: lights were strategically hung to create a warm and luxurious atmosphere, while gold and silver tones dominated the place, reflecting the theme of the night. The atmosphere promised to be spectacular.

Sofia and you went up to her room together to get ready.

“I can’t believe everything is ready,” Sofia said as she opened the door to her closet. “I thought we would never make it.”

“See? I told you everything would turn out well,” you replied with a smile. “Now comes the best part: getting amazing.”

Sofia pulled out a long, silver-colored dress, fitted to her figure, with rhinestone details that captured the light in a mesmerizing way. While she changed, you approached your own selection of clothes that you had brought with you.

You chose a simple but elegant gold dress with thin straps that left your shoulders and back bare. It wasn’t the most impressive dress you’d ever worn, but for the occasion it was more than enough. You slid it smoothly down your body, adjusting it in place, and looked at yourself in the mirror.

“What do you think?” you asked, turning slightly to see your reflection.

Sofia, now in her silver dress, looked at you with a smile.

“You look beautiful, as always. That gold is perfect for you.”

You smiled, accepting the compliment, although deep down you still thought you could have chosen something more dazzling.

You sat in front of the mirror to fix your hair. You opted for soft, natural waves, which fell gracefully over your shoulders. You didn’t want anything too elaborate; just something that would complement the dress and enhance your face.

The makeup was simple but effective: a subtle eyeliner that highlighted your eyes, a touch of gold shadow to highlight the theme of the night, and lips in a nude tone that kept the look elegant but discreet. You made sure every detail was in place before standing up and putting the finishing touches on a pair of small, delicate earrings.

“Ready,” you said, turning to Sofia.

She looked at you with pride and excitement.

“We look amazing. Tonight is going to be perfect, I’m sorry.”

“Of course it will be,” you assured her as you both walked down the stairs. “Everything is ready, and you look spectacular. This is your night, Sof.”

The house was already beginning to fill with guests arriving one after another, dressed in matching gold and silver tones. Music floated through the air, and the lights danced softly, reflecting the luxury and exclusivity Sofia had wanted for her birthday.

As you watched everything unfold, a part of you felt calm. They had worked hard, and now it was time to enjoy.

The party was going on with a calm and elegant atmosphere. Guests moved between the decorated rooms, chatting, laughing, toasting Sofia. There was an enveloping calm that you liked; you felt comfortable, but there was also something in the air, a feeling that something could change at any moment.

You decided to take a walk around the mansion, observing the people, their gestures, their glances. You moved gracefully, with a drink in your hand, enjoying the atmosphere and that subtle feeling of being part of something special.

That was when you saw it.

Rafe was leaning against one of the walls, observing the crowd with an indecipherable expression. He didn't seem lost or bored, just... attentive. As if every movement around him had a meaning that only he could decipher.

You slowly approached him, until you were next to him.

"How was the party?" you asked him with a smile, breaking the silence between you.

Rafe turned his face slightly towards you. His blue eyes met yours for a moment, intense but calm.

"I'm enjoying myself," he replied, with that calm and confident tone, as if nothing in the world could alter it.

You nodded, and the smile remained on your face.

"Me too," you said. Silence settled between you two again, but it wasn't uncomfortable, it was as if words weren't necessary for a moment. It was just the two of you, amidst the distant murmur of the party.

Suddenly, you felt his gaze.

It wasn't a casual look. It was a lingering look, as if every detail of your face captured his attention. His eyes scanned every line, every shadow, every expression. It was an intense look, but not uncomfortable, almost as if he were in a daze, lost in that moment. There was no judgment or coldness, just something you couldn't quite define.

You noticed it. You felt it. But, to your surprise, it didn't make you nervous.

You didn't know how to feel about it. There was something intriguing about being watched like that, something that made you wonder what exactly he saw. So, almost without thinking, you looked at him too.

Your eyes searched for his. And for an instant that seemed eternal, they met. Two gazes that held each other, that understood each other without words, that explored something beyond the obvious. There was no noise around them. There was no one else at that moment.

Finally, they both separated their gazes, as if something invisible had reminded them that the world kept turning.

“Behind every beautiful thing, there is some kind of pain,” you said quietly, almost like a thought out loud.

Rafe looked at you again, this time with a slight glimmer of understanding in his eyes. He nodded slowly, as if those words resonated with something he himself understood, something he carried within.

There was nothing else to say at that moment. You gently stepped away, leaving the glass on a nearby table.

“I’m going to walk a little,” you told him, and he simply watched you as you walked away.

The fresh air greeted you as you stepped out into the garden. Each step took you away from the hustle and bustle of the party, but not from the feeling Rafe had left in you.

You walked slowly along the well-kept paths, surrounded by soft lights hanging from the trees, illuminating the path with a calm warmth. The sky was clear, and the stars twinkled softly, as if they were watching you too. You felt good, at peace, enjoying that moment of solitude, getting away from everything for a moment.

But you weren't alone for long.

You heard footsteps behind you, soft but firm. You didn't need to turn around to know who it was. There was something unmistakable about Rafe's presence. A confident, calm air, but charged with something more, something that always seemed to throb beneath the surface.

He stood beside you without saying a word. There was no need to explain why he was there, or to ask him why he had decided to accompany you. He just did it, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

They walked together, in silence. Neither of them felt the urge to fill the space with words. The night was enough. The soft sounds of the wind through the leaves, the crunch of gravel under their feet, and the occasional whisper of the breeze were enough company.

Rafe had his hands in his pockets, his posture relaxed, but his eyes observed everything around him with that characteristic attention, as if every detail was important. Every now and then, his eyes would drift to you, though he didn't say anything.

There was something surprisingly comfortable about that shared silence. You didn't feel compelled to speak, to explain anything, to pretend anything. Rafe seemed to understand that, and you understood it too.

They walked along a path that bordered the garden, passing by a small pond where the reflection of the golden lights from the party sparkled in the water. You stopped for a moment, watching as the soft waves distorted the lights, creating dancing patterns. Rafe stopped beside you, watching the same thing.

“It’s a beautiful night,” you finally commented, breaking the silence, but with a soft voice, as if you didn’t want to disturb the calm of that moment.

Rafe nodded, a smile almost imperceptible on his face.

“Yes, it is.”

The silence returned, but this time it was different. It was a silence filled with understanding, with something that didn’t need to be said out loud. Both of you continued walking, slowly advancing through the garden.

At some point, his steps aligned perfectly with yours, as if walking together was something you had always done. There was no rush. You were just there, enjoying the night, the calm.

The silence continued between you, but at that moment, you felt it was time to go back, to get back to reality. You looked at Rafe, who was still walking beside you, his gaze fixed straight ahead.

“I think I should head back to the party,” you said, keeping your voice light, but with a small smile, “They’re going to miss you. I’ll come back later.”

Rafe looked at you then, a glint of understanding in his eyes. He didn’t seem upset, rather, it seemed like he had been waiting for you to say it. He nodded slightly and, without losing his calm, glanced up at the starry sky.

“You’re right.” His tone was relaxed, but there was a spark in his eyes that made it clear that you didn’t care much about the party or the others.

You both stopped in front of the garden entrance, as if you somehow knew that the walk had come to an end. The party continued in the distance, laughter and conversations floating in the air.

“I’ll see you later then,” Rafe said with a slight smile.

He took a step back, giving you room to turn around and head back into the hustle and bustle of the party.

With a small wave of his hand, you began to walk back.

“See you later,” you said as you walked away, still staring at him for a moment, knowing that even though you were physically walking away, somehow, the words that weren’t said between you would still be floating in the air. 

Rafe stood there, watching you go, before turning around again and heading back to the party. 

After you both returned to the party, the atmosphere had changed slightly. The music was still playing, but something in the air seemed lighter. People were gathered around the center table, where Sofia was at the front, surrounded by her friends, family, and loved ones. They were all waiting for the moment when she would blow out the candles, the perfect ending to their celebration. 

The table was adorned with gold and silver details, like the theme of the party, and in the center, a large three-tiered cake dominated the stage. The candles glowed softly, with the light dancing over the smiling faces of everyone present. Sofia looked radiant, her dress shining under the lights of the room, and her eyes reflected a mix of excitement and gratitude.

Rafe approached you, a glass in his hand, and offered it to you with a discreet smile. It was clear that the tension between the two of you had not completely dissipated, but at that moment, everything seemed simpler, lighter. He raised his glass in your direction, waiting for you to toast with it.

“To Sofia,” he said in a soft tone, looking towards the table, where Sofia was already ready to blow out the candles.

You raised your glass as well, nodding with a smile. “To Sofia,” you repeated, feeling that the night, despite everything, had something special, something you couldn’t describe, but you knew deep down. You both toasted, clinking glasses with a small sound that resonated in the air.

Sofia, with her gaze full of hope, closed her eyes and blew out the candles. At that moment, everyone present kept a brief silence, waiting for her to make her wish. The bated breath in the room felt like a bubble about to burst, and then, as if everything had been calculated, Sofia opened her eyes and smiled.

“Thank you all for being here,” she said, her voice warm and full of emotion, looking at everyone present. “Thank you for this very special day.”

Applause filled the room, and the music took control of the night again, as people began to laugh and enjoy themselves again. Rafe, for his part, gave you one last look before diverting his attention to his group of friends.

The night continued, filled with laughter and toasts.

The next day, the sun shone brightly on the mansion and the atmosphere remained relaxed, almost as if the party the day before had been just a distant dream. The pool sparkled invitingly under the midday heat, the clear water reflecting the clear sky. You had already begun to enjoy the day, swimming and letting yourself be carried away by the calm of the place. The water surrounded you, cool and refreshing, as you swam back and forth, enjoying the peace of those solitary moments.

Rafe and Sofia were in the lounger area, almost ignoring you in their own world.

After a while, you decided to get out of the water. You laid down on one of the lounge chairs, feeling the sun on your skin. But soon, bored of just sitting there doing nothing, you got up and headed over to the pool table. You grabbed a cue and, in order to distract yourself, decided to play a little, not really interested in winning, just to pass the time.

It wasn't long before Rafe approached you, watching with a slight smile on his face.

"Do you dare to play a game?" he asked, also taking a cue and adjusting his shirt a little.

Sofia, from her spot by the pool, watched the two of you, somewhat distant, but not enough to not notice how you interacted. It could have been her curious look, or perhaps the way her body was slightly tense, but at that moment, something seemed different.

The game started with laughter and small jokes between you and Rafe. He, always a bit of a tease, would try to tease you with some comment or make you lose focus, but all in good spirits. You realized that, at that moment, there was no pressure. There was no tension, just the sound of the cue hitting the balls, the laughter and the words that intertwined naturally.

Meanwhile, Sofia stood there, watching in silence.

Rafe, more focused on the game than anything else, made a couple of jokes to you while he won it, but you weren't intimidated. You laughed, both at his attitude and at the little tricks he tried, although without being really competitive, which kept the atmosphere light.

At one point, your cue missed on a crucial shot and Rafe couldn't help but laugh.

"That's the best you've got?" he said, taking his turn to give it the final blow.

Finally, after a few rounds, the match ended and Rafe emerged victorious, albeit with a slight hint of irony, as he knew you had let him win a couple of times just to not make the moment too tense.

Sofia approached, as if she had been waiting for them to finish so she could resume the chat between the three of you.

The day progressed slowly, the sun shining brightly on the pool and the gardens of the mansion. The air was getting warmer and warmer, the atmosphere relaxed with soft music in the background. Sofia and you had laughed together, enjoying the little jokes.

As the sun began to set, dyeing the sky orange and pink hues, Sofia received a call. Her face changed slightly as she looked at her phone, and after a few seconds of conversation, she told you that she had to leave, that her family needed her.

“Do you want me to go with you?” you asked, without thinking too much about what you were saying. An impulse, a need to not let her go alone.

But Sofia looked at you with a smile, her voice soft but firm.

“It’s not necessary. Stay here, enjoy the day,” she replied with a calm that almost surprised you.

So, without being able to do much else, you watched her leave, watching her walk away down the path that led to the entrance of the mansion. You stood there, watching the sunset for a long moment. Something in the air, in the stillness of the place, made you feel uncomfortable, as if everything was about to change. The house suddenly seemed empty, and the sound of your own footsteps echoed in the silence that settled around it.

With the intention of not staying there thinking about what you didn’t want to think about, you decided to go out to the backyard, looking for a distraction. Maybe just a little fresh air would help you calm the anxiety that was beginning to grow inside you.

The patio was quiet, with the sound of leaves rustling in the breeze and the soft murmur of the pool water, but the quiet only served to make you feel even more nervous. You walked a little further, approaching the trees and shadows of the garden, trying to escape a situation that made you feel uncomfortable.

It was then that you heard his footsteps. Rafe, who had not left you alone all day, appeared behind you, his elongated figure projecting over the grass. At first you didn't say anything, as if the silence between the two of you was some kind of invisible wall that you didn't even want to touch.

"Are you going to stay here alone?" Rafe asked, his voice soft, but with something in it that made you turn to look at him. He didn't seem to notice the tension in the air, or maybe he felt it too, but didn't know how to handle it.

And it was at that moment, when his eyes met yours, that everything became more intense. A simple exchange of glances turned into something deeper, something that both of you seemed to understand without the need for words. He was close, close enough for you to feel his presence. His gaze, once calm, now seemed charged with something else. You couldn't say exactly what it was, but it was there, like an invisible current that silently united you.

You both stood there, as if suspended in time, not knowing whether to move forward or back. You wanted to break that silence, but the truth was that you didn't know how. The fact that he was so close, his soft breathing, his gaze fixed on you, made everything much more complicated.

Rafe took a step towards you, without saying a word, as if he was looking for something in your expression, something that would make you give in. Your body reacted before your mind could process it, taking a step back, but not really moving away from him. It was as if gravity had brought them together in that instant, an invisible force pulling them both to the same place. The tension was palpable, like a thin thread that tightened with every millimeter of space they shared. 

You felt trapped in the moment, as if your thoughts were caught between the need to flee and the need to stay there. And although you didn't want to admit it, you were attracted to him, and that terrified you. Something about his closeness, his presence, made you feel vulnerable, but at the same time, something in you wanted him not to move away. 

Rafe, it seemed, felt it too. He stared at you a little longer, as if he was waiting for you to make the first move, or as if he was undecided between saying something or simply remaining suspended in the air in that moment. Finally, it was he who broke the silence with a slight smile, a smile that, although it seemed relaxed, hid something deeper, something you knew you couldn't decipher. 

“I don't know what we're doing here.” he said quietly, as if he didn't want to break the spell that had fallen between the two of you.

You looked at each other, unable to formulate a response, and in that instant, the gap between the two of you closed. Without saying another word, you turned around and began to walk, breaking that moment of tension, knowing that what you felt was not something you could control or explain. But, at the same time, you couldn't deny that a part of you didn't want that moment to end.

The courtyard no longer seemed so welcoming, and you no longer knew whether to leave, stay, or face it. But something told you that tonight, things would not be the same as before.

The night was passing slowly, silence enveloping the atmosphere. Sofia had not yet returned, and although you had tried not to think about it, there was something in you that already predicted that things would change. You did not know exactly how or why, but you felt a pressure in the air.

Hours passed while you waited for her return, but when you finally received her message, you knew that everything had fallen apart. “I will not return tonight. I have things to resolve.” The words floated before your eyes, and something inside you tightened. You knew that the situation was becoming more complicated, and at the same time, you felt a strange mix of relief and nervousness. You were left alone, not knowing what to do, with that feeling that everything you had been avoiding was finally going to happen.

You looked at Rafe, who had been silent in some corner of the house. He seemed so oblivious to what was going through your mind, but there was also something in his presence that attracted you, something you could no longer ignore.

“Sofia won’t be back tonight,” you said, trying to sound calm, but your voice was shaking a little. “I think I’ll go.”

Rafe looked at you with a slightly crooked smile, as if he had been waiting for that answer. The sparkle in his eyes, the slight glint of amusement in his expression, made you hesitate for a moment.

“Don’t you want to go out for a while?”

His invitation was like a temptation, a soft voice that made you reconsider. It was hard to resist the idea of ​​escaping from everything, of leaving behind the tension that was building in the air, of feeling a small spark of freedom, even if it was only for a couple of hours.

You, knowing it wasn’t the right thing to do, hesitated for a moment. How wrong could it be? After all, you weren’t doing anything “serious,” you were just a couple of friends, right? The answer seemed more like an excuse than a justification, but still, something inside you pushed you to say:

“That doesn’t sound bad.”

Rafe smiled immediately, and the way his eyes sparkled made your heart beat a little faster, but you forced yourself to calm down. You didn't know if you were fooling yourself, but the night was young, and the world seemed more accessible at the moment.

The two of you walked outside, the city streets deserted and quiet under the starry sky. The moonlight illuminated everything softly, and for some reason, that silence was comforting. The escape you were looking for surrounded you, and with each step, the tension in the air faded, although you knew that, deep down, there was no escape from what was really happening between the two of you.

You didn't talk much as you walked, but the company was enough. The sound of your footsteps and their calm breathing were the only things you could hear, and yet, there was a silent burden, something you both tried to ignore, but it was there, palpable in the air. Something in their gazes, something in their closeness.

As time went on, aimlessly, they began to laugh, to chat about trivial things, as if trying not to think about the obvious would help them relax. You realized that, for a moment, everything seemed easier.

It was when the first lights of dawn began to touch the horizon, that something in the atmosphere became almost palpable, a touch, a spark. They both found themselves standing close, too close to each other, as if an invisible force attracted them in a way that neither could deny.

You could hear their breathing, ragged, almost synchronized, as if at that moment nothing else existed in the world but the two of them. They were so close that you could feel their warmth, their presence, and that small line between what was right and what was not blurred.

You felt unable to move, as if everything you had been thinking about, everything you had wanted to avoid, was about to break. The urge to reach out to him, to follow the desire that was growing between you two, was stronger than ever. But something inside you made you stop. A clear thought, a reminder of what really mattered to you.

“This is wrong, Rafe,” you said in a shaky but firm voice as you took a step back, looking out at the horizon. “We should stay friends. I don’t want to complicate things. It’s not what we need.”

Silence settled between the two of you, and he stared at you. His eyes, which had previously been bright with amusement, now held something else, something like a mix of understanding and perhaps a bit of disappointment.

“Are we friends?” he asked, almost with a sad smile, as if he wasn’t sure of the answer.

You stayed silent for a moment, searching for the answer in your own feelings. Finally, you decided to give the answer that, at that moment, seemed the most sensible.

“I guess so,” you said, a sigh escaping your lips.

Rafe nodded slowly, as if he finally understood something he had been searching for in you.

“That’s good to know,” he murmured, and for a moment, everything between you seemed to calm down.

But, you knew everything had changed. You couldn’t just go back to how things were before. Without another word, you turned around, feeling the weight of the goodbye, but unable to help it.

“I’m leaving alone,” you said, without looking back.

Rafe didn’t say anything, although hesitation could be seen in his eyes. He didn’t want to let you go, but deep down he knew he couldn’t keep insisting. For some reason, in the end, he didn't say anything, he just watched as you walked away. 

You returned to your house, the cold morning air caressing your skin, and although you felt like something had changed between you and him, you also knew that, somehow, you had made the right decision. Although, deep down, you wondered if it really was. 

After what happened that night with Rafe, something inside you changed. An invisible barrier rose, separating you from him and, consequently, from Sofia as well. The awkwardness that was once just a spark had now become a smoldering fire, burning inside you every time you thought about him, about how close you were, about how you almost crossed a line that shouldn't be crossed. 

You decided that the best thing to do was to walk away. Guilt weighed on you like a burden you couldn't let go of, and although you wanted to pretend that everything was okay, your conscience wouldn't let you rest. You made up excuses not to see them. When Sofia invited you out, to the beach, the pool, or any other gathering, you always had something else to do.

—Sorry, I have to study.

—I can't, I feel a little bad today.

—I have to help my mom with something.

The excuses piled up, one after another, until Sofia started to notice. At first, she believed you. She was your friend, she trusted you. But after several weeks of evasions, her messages started to sound different, more insistent, almost worried.

—Are you okay? We haven't seen you lately.

—Strange that you don't want to come... we miss you.

—Are you avoiding something?

You responded evasively, trying not to raise suspicions, but you knew that Sofia wasn't stupid. However, you preferred to deal with her concern rather than face what was really tormenting you: Rafe.

He, on the other hand, seemed unchanging. There was no change in his behavior, at least not visible. He didn't seem to feel the same discomfort or guilt that haunted you. He would send you messages from time to time, casual, as if nothing had happened between you.

—Are you going to the party tonight?

—Are you okay? I haven't seen you lately.

—Sofia asked about you, I told her you're probably busy.

Sometimes you read his messages and ignored them. You didn't want to fall into that dynamic of responding, of pretending everything was normal. But other times, the temptation was stronger, and you responded, although coldly, without giving rise to anything else.

—I'm fine.

—I don't think I'm going.

—Thanks for letting me know.

Each word of yours was measured, each message carefully worded to not lead to a deeper conversation. But Rafe didn't seem affected. He didn't chase you, he didn't insist, and that made you even angrier.

How could he be so calm after all? How could he act like nothing had happened while you were drowning in guilt? What hurt you most was that, deep down, you knew that was his nature. Rafe Cameron didn't feel remorse. He never had. He was always like that: cold, calculating, and seemingly incapable of feeling guilt.

And that made you even angrier. Because how could you be angry at him for being exactly the way he always was? There was a reason he always looked down on you, there was a reason he always looked at you with that mix of arrogance and disdain. Because to him, nothing really mattered. He wasn't afraid to cross boundaries, because to Rafe, boundaries were just an abstract concept that he could ignore when it suited him. 

You felt caught in a contradiction. You hated him for not feeling anything, but at the same time, a part of you envied that indifference. Because while you carried the weight of what could have happened, he kept going, as if you were just another person in his life. 

There were days when you wanted to confront him, ask him directly why he didn't feel the same as you, why he didn't seem affected. But the fear of facing his indifference stopped you. Because you knew that if you did, his answer would be cold, sharp, and maybe make you feel worse. 

And so, the weeks kept passing. You avoided any place where you might run into him. If you knew Sofia and Rafe were going to be at a party, you just didn’t go. If you heard his name in conversation, you walked away before they could talk about him anymore. Even on social media, you avoided looking at anything that might remind you of that night, that closeness, that moment you almost crossed paths.

But despite all your efforts, Rafe was still there, in the back of your mind. He was like a shadow you couldn’t erase, a presence that followed you, even when he wasn’t around.

One afternoon, as you were checking your phone, a new message from him popped up on your screen. You stared at it for a moment, hesitating to open it. Just seeing it made your heart beat faster, a mix of anxiety and something you didn’t want to admit.

—You’re really quiet lately. Everything okay?

You closed your eyes for a moment, trying to decide whether to respond or not. You knew a part of you wanted to, wanted to keep that connection, even if it was minimal. But you also knew that every message, every interaction, only made things more complicated.

Finally, you left the message unanswered, turned off your phone, and sighed. The conflict was still there, inside you, a battle between desire and reason, between what you felt for Rafe and what you knew was right. And all the while, he was still Rafe: untouchable, indifferent, and always one step ahead.

You had built up a routine of avoidance: excuses for not going out, cold and calculated messages, avoiding meetings where you knew he would be. You had decided that the best thing for you was to keep your distance and protect both your heart and your friendship with Sofia. You didn't want to be "the other." You didn't want to be the reason everything fell apart.

But Rafe seemed to have other plans.

He kept looking for you. His messages became more frequent, his gazes more intense every time you met by chance. And when you avoided him, he found a way to close the distance, to make you feel his presence, as if he knew exactly which buttons to push to make you doubt your decisions.

One afternoon, while you were at a local café, enjoying a moment alone, you saw his figure approaching. Tall, self-assured, with that look that always seemed to carry a dangerous mix of arrogance and attraction. There was no escape this time.

“Can I sit down?” Rafe asked, even though he was already dragging the chair in front of you.

You sighed, trying to keep your composure.

“Sure, but I don’t stay long,” you replied nonchalantly.

He smiled, as if he perfectly understood the game you were playing. He knew you were trying to keep him at bay, and it seemed to amuse him more than it put him off.

“Are you hiding from me?” he asked, leaning his elbows on the table and staring at you.

“No. Why would I?” you replied, avoiding his eyes as you stirred your coffee.

His gaze burned into you. It was as if he could see right through you, piercing through every one of your carefully raised defenses. You knew you shouldn’t fall for his game, but with every passing second you felt your self-control slowly crumble.

“I don’t know… I barely see you lately. Sofia notices it too.” His tone was casual, but there was something else there, a hidden insinuation.

“I’ve been busy,” you said, shrugging.

The silence stretched on, and when you finally looked up, you found him watching you with an intensity that made your heart skip a beat. There was something in his eyes, a mix of desire, frustration, and… defiance. Like he was waiting for you to be the one to break that barrier.

“You should focus on Sofia,” you murmured, diverting the conversation back to where you wanted to take it. “She’s the one who matters.”

Rafe leaned a little closer to you, closing the distance.

“What if it’s not just Sofia?” he whispered.

Your hands tightened around the cup. That line, that edge you’d both been skirting since that night, was dangerously close again. And the worst part of it all was that, even though you knew you should walk away, part of you wanted to know what would happen if you didn’t.

“We can’t, Rafe. I don’t want to be “the other.” I’m not going to ruin what I have with Sofia for… this. “Your voice was firm, but there was a barely perceptible tremor in your words.

He was silent for a moment, studying every expression on your face. He didn’t seem upset or disappointed. On the contrary, he seemed intrigued, as if your words were a challenge rather than a refusal.

“For this?” he repeated with a half smile.

“For whatever this is,” you clarified, trying to sound confident.

Rafe sighed, but didn’t move away. On the contrary, he rested a hand on the table, almost brushing yours, so close that you could feel the warmth of his skin.

“What if it’s not what you think?” he asked quietly. “What if we can handle it without ruining anything?”

You bit your lip, fighting back the emotions that threatened to overflow. You wanted to believe him, wanted to believe that he could control himself, that you could keep everything in order, but you knew that things were never that simple.

“I can’t risk it,” you said at last, pulling your hand away and breaking contact. “I don’t want to lose her. Or myself.”

Rafe nodded slowly, but his eyes were still fixed on you. There was something in his gaze that wouldn’t go away: desire mixed with stubbornness. Like this was just a chapter in a story he was determined to continue.

“Okay,” he murmured, getting up from his chair. “But you can’t walk away forever.”

You stayed silent as he left, leaving an air heavy with tension and a racing heartbeat in your chest. You knew he was right. You couldn’t walk away forever. But for now, you promised yourself that you would keep trying, because if you got close again, you knew that this time you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself.

That same day, you returned home with your heart tangled in a tangle of emotions. The tension you had been avoiding was no longer something you could ignore. You felt the need to talk to someone, to find clarity in the midst of the chaos that had broken out in your mind. However, you chose to lock yourself in your room, hoping that the silence of the night would give you the answers you were looking for.

But your mother didn't let you isolate yourself for long.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly from the door, peeking in with a curious, motherly look. She had noticed your behavior in the last few days. The constant excuses, the long sighs, the nights when you seemed to be in another world.

“Yeah, Mom, I’m just tired,” you replied, trying to sound nonchalant as you settled into bed.

She wasn’t fooled. She walked into your room, closed the door behind her, and sat on the edge of the bed. Her eyes, full of wisdom and tenderness, looked at you with that mix of understanding and concern that only a mother could have.

“Honey, I know you too well. Something’s going on. Do you want to talk about it?”

You sighed. You knew she wasn’t going to give up, and somehow that comforted you. You took a moment before answering.

“It’s complicated, Mom. I don’t know how to explain it without it sounding… bad.” You looked down, fiddling with the sleeves of your sweatshirt.

She waited patiently, giving you the time you needed. When you finally raised your head, you found in her gaze an invitation to vent.

“There’s someone…” you began, choosing your words carefully. “Someone I shouldn’t be with. He’s a friend’s boyfriend, and… I don’t know how it happened, but everything is a mess now. I try to get away, but it seems like the more I try, the harder it gets. It’s like he doesn’t want to let me go.”

Your mother nodded slowly, processing each word. She didn’t interrupt you, she just let you talk.

“I know it’s wrong, and I feel guilty, but at the same time… there’s something about him that I can’t ignore. It’s like there’s something between us that shouldn’t be there, but I can’t help it either.”

Your mother looked at you with an expression that was a mix of empathy and nostalgia. “I understand more than you think,” she said with a soft smile. “I went through something similar when I was young.”

You were shocked. “You? Really?” you asked, incredulous. You had never imagined your mother in a similar situation.

She nodded, settling herself better on the bed. There was a sparkle in her eyes, as if she was remembering a fragment of her own youth.

“Yes, before I met your father, there was someone… someone who made me feel alive, who shook my world in ways I had never experienced. He was charming, ambitious, and yes, he had a lot of money.” She laughed softly. “But he wasn’t the person I was supposed to be with. It was all intense, but not always intense is the best for you.”

You looked at her curiously, as if you were seeing a side of her you had never known.

“And what happened?” you asked, intrigued.

She sighed, as if the memory took her back to those days. “In the end, I realized I couldn’t live in that whirlwind. There was a lot of fire, but not enough to build something lasting. And then your father came along. He was different. Calmer, more stable… but real. And I realized that was what I needed.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “So you had a rich boyfriend too, that you left for love?.” you joked, trying to lighten the conversation.

Your mother laughed, the warm sound filling the room. “It seems like it’s a tradition, doesn’t it?” she replied humorously. “But money isn’t everything, honey. Love is a crazy thing. Sometimes it takes you down paths you don’t expect, and other times it makes you see that what you really need is right in front of you, even if it’s not what you had imagined.”

You stayed silent, reflecting on her words. It was strange to think of your mother going through something similar, but it also made you feel less alone. Maybe you weren’t the only one who had felt that confusion, that forbidden attraction that seemed to have no way out.

“So what do I do?” you finally asked, seeking advice.

She looked at you tenderly and stroked your hair. “Do what you feel is right for you. Don’t punish yourself for feeling, but don’t lose yourself in something that could hurt you either. Sometimes walking away is the hardest thing, but also the most necessary thing.

You nodded slowly, feeling the weight on your chest lighten for a moment at least. Maybe, given time, you could find your own path, one that didn’t leave you trapped between what you wanted and what was right.

[itsmrshamilton]

No Apologies (2)| LH44

summary: the aftermath of the fallout between Lewis and Y/n. Are they willing to apologise and make up?

a/n: sorry it took so long. please engage before you leave!

💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌

"Mummy?" Called Leo from the backseat. His black curls were a mess from playing with them. Something he did when he got really bored or annoyed.

"Yes, my sweets?" Y/n looked up to see him in the rearview mirror.

"Is Auntie Sofie going to have popcorn there?"

"Yes, my sweets."

"And rice cakes?"

"Yes."

"And ice lollies?"

"Yes, Leo."

"What about-"

"Leo, Sofie always has your favourite snacks can you drop it!"

Leo stared at her in the mirror before jutting his bottom lip out and turning to the window. The cutest pout she's ever seen but her frustration and guilt didn't allow her to let it stick around.

She sighed to herself. He was just trying to keep himself entertained. Unfortunately, she was too overwhelmed to do that right now. "I'm sorry. Leo. Leo, look at me. Mummy's sorry about that. We'll get to Auntie Sofie's place soon, then you can ask her if she's got everything. Okay?"

Parenting definitely isn't for the weak. He stayed silent for a minute, still pouting violently.

"Okay."

The rest of the drive there was quiet except for a few sniffles from Leo. He wouldn't meet her eye in the mirror and continued to stare out the window til he fell asleep. Sofie's house was 2 hours away, but it was the only place she could go in order to take some time to think. The sky had changed to a light orange by the time she got there.

One couldn't tell that the small house actually had three bedrooms inside as well as a large living area and a small garden at the back.

It was the kind of home Y/n grew up wanting for herself. She'd spoken to Sofie about it during many childhood sleepovers. 12 years ago, she could have been upset that Sofie got to buy it first if it weren't for the fact that she had met Lewis by that point and moved into his luxurious Monaco apartment.

The door to the yellow house opened and Sofie came rushing down the path to the car. There were rollers in her black hair and her oversized shirt flapped in her haste. Y/n knew she didn't care what her neighbours thought - she probably walked to the nearest shop like this often.

"How dare you interrupt my evening plans with your emergency call." She grinned when she came to a stop on the sidewalk.

"What evening plans? Curling up on your dirty old couch with one of your dirty old cats to binge murder documentaries?" Y/n teased in return. Her own smirk twitching in amusement.

"Yeah! Best part of my week!" They laughed at that and hugged tightly. Sofie was the first to pull away and placed her hands on her hips. "Need me to go there and kick him out?"

Y/n sighed loudly. "Yes, no, I don't know yet. I just need to think."

Sofie rolled her eyes. "That's all you ever do when it come to Lewis. Think, think, think. There's never any action - proper action to sit and communicate. Look what it's led to."

"I don't want this lecture outside, Sof. Grab something to make yourself useful." She turned to the car to open Leo's door.

"How about I grab my best boy and you can carry in the rest, yeah?" She unbuckled a sleeping Leo then scooped him up and carried him inside, cooing as she went. They loved each other greatly.

Y/n watched in slight annoyance before grabbing the bags, locking and heading inside. Staying with Sofie was always a treat because they didn't get to live together during childhood due to Sofie being a product of an affair between her mother, Devi, and Y/n's father long before Y/n was even born. Everything ended messily when Y/n's mum, Lee-Ann, found out and demanded he cut all contact. But it only got worse a couple of years later when Devi turned up at the house with a very young Sofie and demanded a paternity test. Lee-Ann was nearly 9 months pregnant.

"So, what happened?" Sofie interrupted Y/n's thoughts once they were inside and settled. She was carrying a bottle of wine and two glasses.

"Oh, uh, he came home at 1 this morning instead of last night. No messages, no call-"

"What an arse." Sof mumbled into her drink.

"We argued in the afternoon about him not being around, me wanting a different life and other dumb shit we've been over before."

"Y'know, I have never heard you say that you sat down and talked things over. It's always either him starting shit at the worst moments, or you." Sofie pointed out.

"Me?? I don't start arguments." Y/n sat up in surprise.

"Y/n." Sofie deadpanned.

"What? I don't!"

Sofie rolled her eyes at her sister's denial and took another sip before stretching out in search of comfort. "See, this is why you two won't work. Neither one of you wants to take the blame or understand that both of you are the problem!"

Y/n stayed silent as she stroked the cat on her lap. She wasn't a problem. If Lewis stopped doing things to annoy her, then she wouldn't get annoyed and argue with him.

"I never once saw mum and daddy argue. Did you know that? Their marriage was a mess, they didn't sleep in the same bed, they rarely did nice things for each other but they never argued in front of me. I grew up thinking my family was normal.

Lewis plans these grand dates involving yachts and passports, fucks me til my soul leaves my body and gets me flowers twice a week. Yet we manage to fight almost daily. How is my marriage worse than my parents?" Y/n was crying uglily by the end of her rant. Pathetically wiping at her wet cheeks and hiccupping to get the words out.

Sofie pulled her close and rubbed her back while the cat, now annoyed by the noise, scurried away.

"Oh, my sweet Y/n." Her heart ached for her little sister who spent all her life trying to please people.

"We try not to do it in front of Leo or raise our voices when he's in the house, but I think he knows. He knows something is wrong, and I don't want that. I don't want him to hate us, Sof." More sobbing and coughing. Sof grimaced slightly. Y/n had always been an ugly crier, but she still wasn't used to it.

"Y/n, Leo is a loving child who sees no wrong in anyone because you two raised him that way. He won't hate you for trying to hold things together for him if you have genuine intentions." Sofie sat Y/n up and held her by the shoulders. "But if you're really so worried about how it affects him, then maybe you should divorce."

Y/n sat straighter at this. While yes, she had kind of threatened Lewis with one, she didn't really think they would go through with it. She hoped a long break was what the relationship needed, and then she would go back and all would be fixed. But at the same time, she wanted things to end here as they were without seeing each other again.

Sofie watched her sister absorb her words and process. Her eyebrows met and temporarily hid the scar she'd gotten when Sof threw a toy at her in a fit of rage. Blood had dribbled down her small face, ruined her clothes while Sofie had burst into tears, and scrambled to get their dad. Lee-Ann had demanded Devi keep her away from the house for weeks, and the girls weren't allowed to play unsupervised again. Y/n forgave Sofie immediately with a gentle hug, but 30 years later, Lee-Ann hadn't.

Growing up with a single mother, a guilt-ridden father, and his spiteful wife wasn't easy, and Sofie ended up struggling with relationships in her teenagerhood and adulthood. Y/n was the only person she could rely on and give her all to. She hated watching her suffer, but more than that, she hated watching Leo grow up in the middle of this. No child deserved an unstable home. Therefore, Sofie refused to allow Y/n to do so when she had the resources and support to prevent it. Leo deserved a better life even if it came at the expense of her sister's marriage.

"Y/n? Did you hear me?"

"Hm? Yeah. I just-"

"Mummy?" Leo stood by the doorway rubbing his small eyes.

Y/n made her way to him and hoisted him into her arms. "Let's go have a bath, my sweets. Then we can have a yummy supper with Auntie Sofie, okay?"

"Okay." He replied hoarsely and lay his head on her shoulder.

Once he was bathed and moisturised, Leo sat on the bed and pulled his clothes on, struggling all the way after confidently claiming he could do it himself. Y/n watched in amusement as he moved onto his socks despite his pajama pants being on backward.

"Mummy?" He took a break from his exhausting task.

"Yes, my sweets?" She slipped on the final sock.

"When we wake up here at Auntie Sofie's, will daddy be here?" His brown eyes shone brightly with innocence.

Y/n did her best to think of an answer without showing her annoyance at the fact that her son was very used to going to bed without his father and knowing he'd be there in the morning. She did all the hard work throughout the day, taking tantrums and accidents as they came just for Lewis to be the one to be showered with kisses and praises the next morning when Leo awoke.

"We'll be staying at Aunt Sofie's for some time, my Leo. Just you and me." He looked down sadly, and Y/n could basically see the gears turning in his mind. His thinking face was exactly like Lewis' - eyes squint, lips pulled to one side, puffed out cheeks.

"So no daddy?" He whispered.

"No daddy for now, okay?" She placed a kiss on his forehead and helped him off the bed. Together they moved to the dining room.

Later that night she pulled the duvet over Leo and his toys in the queen size bed. Supper had gone down without a fuss from him and now he was buzzing with excitement to call his father. Y/n handed him her phone with the contact on screen and moved out of frame.

"Here you go, press call. Yes, that one." They video called Lewis often enough that Leo knew how to handle the device so his dad could see all of him and his toys therefore he could say goodnight to everyone.

The phone rang once before being answered. Y/n smiled sadly at her husband's eagerness.

"Daddy!" Greeted Leo. He gripped the phone with two small hands and a big grin that showed every tooth and gap.

"Hello, my boy! You look nice and cozy. Are all your teddies tucked in proper?" The two went on to talk about Leo's stuffed companions, his night with Nathan and his week at school. Lewis wasn't just catching up on the day but also the week he missed. Y/n could see how happy he was to listen to Leo stutter and ramble his way through the stories. His brown eyes were bright, framed beautifully by lashes and crow's feet. His smile was wide, spreading further to laugh at Leo's jokes. But Y/n could also see how much he was hurting during this experience. His beautiful lashes wet from crying earlier, his lips slightly chapped from lack of self-care and his throat moving constantly to swallow the lump that was no doubt sitting there. It hurt her too to see him pain but she pushed it down by thinking of the many times he couldn't see her pain because he was too far from home.

"Daddy, mummy said you won't be coming to Auntie Sofie's. Why won't you come? When will I see you?" Leo's voice trembled slightly, and Y/n froze. She didn't mean to phrase in such a way that Leo thought it was all Lewis' fault - well, technically it was, but she didn't want Leo blaming his father. Not at this age anyway. She watched as Lewis sat in baffled silence before attempting to answer his sweet son in a reassuring way. If Y/n wasn't mature enough not to talk shit about him in front of their son, then he would be the bigger person and go about this nicely, he thought.

"Champ, I promise I'll take you to school on Monday, okay? We can spend some time after school as well. How's that?" Leo smiled happily at that, and Lewis felt a light weight lift off his shoulders. "Okay, well, it's 8pm now. Time for bed, yeah?"

"Goodnight, daddy." Leo let his father bid him and each of his toys goodnight and then passed the phone on to his mum. She pressed kisses to his brown cheeks then stepped out to take a breath in an attempt to compose herself. She lifted the phone to talk to her husband. He opened his mouth, but she quickly cut him off.

"You can't take him on Monday." She said sternly. His face dropped.

"Y/n, come on. No. Y/n, you can't do that to me, please. Please. You just heard me promise him that." She watched him beg with a stern expression. He looked like he was on the verge of falling apart. In front of their child he had held it all together -put on the performance of the century. But here, in front of the woman he hurt, he sniffled and grasped for straws. She wasn't impressed.

"We're two hours away, Lewis. School won't work so I'm going to let Leo stay home for the week while I look for a local school to move him to."

Lewis was shocked to silence as a tear rolled down his face. "Why would you uproot his life this, Y/n!? This isn't fair!"

She furrowed her brows at the volume of his voice. She had a lot to say about things that were and weren't fair. But before she could list them, he began shouting some more. "I- I understand that you're upset and you have every right to be but Leo shouldn't suffer because of that. You can't punish him."

"I'm not punishing him." She grew more frustrated.

"So you're punishing me?" He asked angrily, more tears.

"I'm not punishing anyone! I'm trying to make the best decision for him while dealing with everything that went down. Your house is empty because of what you did. This is not punishment, this is the consequence of your actions so maybe you should have that about Leo suffering before you ruined our marriage!" She's trembling and she's sure everyone in the house heard everything she just yelled.

Lewis scoffed before ending the call.

Y/n spent the next hour crying in Sofie's arms on the couch. She hadn't gone back to Leo's room to check on him and soothe him just in case he was upset by the call. She couldn't handle seeing him cry for his father right now. She couldn't handle being the bad guy to him. Sofie's hand on her back made it all a little easier to deal with. The purring cat on her lap didn't hurt either. She stroked its soft back gently while she sniffled and tried to find her words.

"Y/n, I don't want to make the decision for you." Sofie started. Y/n looked up into her sister's golden eyes, slightly scrunched due to the sad smile on her face. "But Leo should not be caught in the crossfire. And I know you know that."

"But I can't stay with Lewis, Sof. I can't be like mum and force my marriage to work." Y/n whispered. The thought of living with Lewis again made her scared for many reasons.

Sofie shook her head and brushed aside the black strand that came loose. "Your mum didn't force her marriage in order to create a good life for you. She did it so she wouldn't look like a bad wife to others. She wanted our dad to be the only person who wrong and immoral in the relationship."

Y/n felt her eyes tear up once more from the memories of her childhood with her mum who did everything in her power to keep things normal. Eventually it all fell apart and Y/n didn't want that for herself. She didn't want that for Leo.

"You'll only hurt Leo if you try to make yourself blameless in this situation. I don't care if neither one of you apologises and you end up dragging each other's arses kicking and screaming to every court in this country, as long as you put that sweet little boy first."

Y/n heard the slight tremor in her sister's voice and finally realised how this all affected her. All this time she'd been thinking of herself and her hate for the man she married while ignoring the bigger pain this was causing her son and sister. Her loving sister who never blamed her for being the treasured daughter in their chaotic household. Her loving sister who sheltered her from her Lee-Ann's nasty behaviour towards herself and never spoke badly of Lee-Ann in front of Y/n. Her loving sister who soaked up every miniscule second she got with her father but also happily allowed for Y/n to spend those limited moments with them.

Y/n lunged forward to give Sofie the biggest hug ever. She'd take Sofie's advice and think things over. The cat in her lap meowed unhappily at its new position squashed between the two women. They pulled away giggling.

"I love you, Sof." Y/n smiled using her sleeve to wipe her tears

"I love you too so stop getting your snot on my furniture." Y/n giggled and sniffled. "If you're really interested in the local schools, I'll give you a list of the good private ones. Too many of them are run by cunts with tight g-strings."

"Sofie!"

"What?? It's true, they wear them to keep the sticks up their arse in place." She picked up her drink.

"You're so mean, oh my gosh." Y/n laughed.

💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌

On Sunday evening, Lewis was in the kitchen using the island as a desk for all his stuff - files, folders and his laptop. He'd even brought the printer down from the study because he couldn't stand to be upstairs while the house was this empty.

He reached for document being printed- an email from his lawyer helping him gear up for the divorce. He'd been on a call earlier with his accountant to start discussions about what would need to be done once the divorce papers were written up. He didn't want to do any of this. After the call with Leo and Y/n, he had cried himself to sleep on the couch. He had woken up very early on Sunday morning to a horrid headache and a worse heartache. As the day went on, his sadness turned to anger as he thought about everything. He refused to let Y/n make him feel this way and to take his boy from him like this. He'd then called his father who arranged to meet with him for lunch on Monday but suggested Lewis talk to a lawyer in the mean time to see what his options were. Lewis was more than grateful for his dad's support. He cherished the bond they had and the work they had put in to make everything work in the end. Y/n was well offside for the shit she had said about them, he thought. She would pay for every word that came out her mouth.

As soon as the printing machine stopped, the front door opened. His heart hammered in his chest when he took tentative steps to investigate and then he stared in disbelief, not sure what to do now.

Y/n stood at the door with a sleeping Leo snoring into the crook of her neck. Her lips trembled as she took a shallow breath.

"I'm sorry."

💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌

Welp, now what?? This is not the end. Part 3 out soon.

Thanks for reading this far! Please don't forget to engage before you leave. (Asking to be tagged is not encouraged)

I do not consent to my work being uploaded onto another site or being altered, translated, fed to AI sites or stolen!!

[owlcafe]

Socialisation, I think, is similataneously much broader and narrower than what it's given credit for. Broader in the sense that, as noted, we recieve messaging about every available social role, not just the ones we are presumed to inhabit, but also narrower in that it responds to much more textured individualised factors than just assigned gender.

In my case, have left manhood behind but not truly taken up femininity either, I find it easier to speak and relate to women than to men (on a very general level). In this way, I am "typical", insofar as such a thing exists - my current position doesn't align with the binary gender category I left behind, so it doesn't appear to be well-explained by "male socialisation".

But when you put it under a magnifying glass, it's in fact almost the opposite. As a young child, I grew up rurally, where men were supposed to. I don't know fix tractors and kill rattlesnakes with their bare hands or something? None of the men in life actually did that, but they all insisted that they could. When I was 11, I started attending an all-boys boarding school - the real stick-up-the-ass kind that envisions itself (not inaccurately) as a cultivator of the next generation of leaders and high-flyers. To be clear, this is not because it's a good school, it's because the fees are so high that, without scholarships or financial support, the only people who can afford to attend are the social classes that were born into that level of power and privilege. The school's dumbass Latin motto is "do the manly thing" - so suffice to say they were very concerned with what masculinity is and should be.

This was an essential part of my whole non-binary awakening. Being in this place - literally living 24/7 - in this absurd culture unstable, hormonal teenagers, most of whom were so rich they'd never been told no, constantly policing and forcing their own developing sense of masculinity on each other, my experience of "male socialisation" was explicitly coercive. As a result, many of my most unpleasant memories, and the experiences that encouraged me to abandon manhood in the first place, were being treated like a man by other men. It was "manning up", giving away feminised interests, not feeling and, most upsetting to me, a degrading and pervasive sexualisation of women (although, there's this other weird thing that happens - the only women around in an all-boys school are teachers, and they have the institutional power of the school. So sometimes, the desire to create their sense of self as "a man" who is superior to "women" gets displaced onto the nearest thing to a woman they can find. That's a different topic, but suffice to say some of them detected that I was not a man).

All this to say, when I look at my life in the abstract, being male was, at most, a secondary aspect of my socialisation. My relative warmth with women as opposed to men derives from these painful experiences of coercive masculinisation from other men, and my interactions with men in the present are tinted by those memories. Interestingly, I recently moved countries, and I'm finding this is starting to break down. Perhaps because I'm already demarcated as a foreigner, and because I first came into this culture as an adult, men are much less interested in my masculinity and more amenable to the idea of taking me as I am, so I'm not finding the same difficulties interacting with men here that I sometimes had back home. None of this is particular to all "males" , nor all people who transition away from manhood. There's no one category that conveniently explains my social experience and the way it influences me now en grosse. If such a category exists, it would have to be so detailed and contain so many specific identifiers that, while it likely wouldn't contain only me, would probably only contain a handful of people, at which point it fails to be a useful category for broad social analysis.

In general, I would invite anon and anyone reading to the idea that your gender might not matter in the way we've been raised to think it does. It certainly matters - what you identify as deserves respect and can bring you joy - but it is not determinative. Large-scale social theories have to streamline things to make sense for swathes of people that may only share surface-level similarities at best, so even good ones don't always telescope down well to explaining your personal experiences. Bad ones, like the theory of gendered socialisation, will almost always fail in this regard. So, I would try and divest your experiences from your identity. There's no wrong way to be transfemme, or things you have to do to qualify. There will be ways in which your life as a transfemme is typical, and ways in which it is atypical. The only thing that matters is that is the life that you want to live at this moment. It can be painful to feel as if you don't fit the flow of The Grand Narrative TM, but it can also be freeing to realise that it was never written for one person to live out. In short, value yourself beyond the identity. When you strip everything away, you are a person, and that person deserves to live happily and freely.

I keep seeing the posts about male socialization and idk it makes me feel weird because I identify as transfem and I *do* believe I had male socialization. I find it easier to identify with and understand male groups and to feel involved in the while I feel less at ease understanding how women feel and think even though my personal view of myself leans more towards a feminine identity. All these posts make me doubt that I am truly "transfem" and that even if I am, that I am fundamentally transfem in a different way than most other transfems I run into. Is there any sources or writing out there that either provides a counter-perspective or at the very least points to nuance on this subject from a transfem lens? I wish I didn't feel so alone with these feelings.

Your feelings and experience do not make you any less legitimate as a transfeminine person. A lot of trans women rightfully and understandably need to counteract the notion that they're oppressive privileged males or whatever by asserting, as clearly as they can, the many ways in which their socialization was a female socialization, with all the double-standards, demanded emotional labor, sexual predation, etc that entails -- but the very need to assert these things is due to the culture's twisted misconceptions about what gender even is and how it operates.

It's not as though a young person only gets the socialization of the binary gender to which they were assigned -- they get mandatory cishet socialization, and they see what is expected of the "other" gender, and that impacts them, and the standards for that other gender also influence how they are interpreted and seen.

And so I do think, to a certain extent, that when trans people assert that we actually didn't get socialized as our assigned gender at birth, we got socialized as the correct gender, actually, we are unfortunately ceding ground to the transphobes on a couple of key points. One, we're conceeding that there is a singular binary socialization that the two genders each get, which are separate from one another and always exhibit specific features, and two, that a person's socialization as a young person is a key determinant of their gendered experience, privilege, and identity forever, no matter what happens after they are young.

And you know, both those things are totally wrong. There is no one female socialization. I've written about this before, but I wasn't raised to be feminine. I was raised the way working-class girls are raised, which is to be no-nonsense, unfrivolous, serious, sporty, and capable -- a wife and mother, but the kind that never wears a skirt or cries in front of people. And there is no singular "male" socialization either -- I cite a few trans femme people in this piece who experienced themselves as having some male privilege before they transitioned, and some more typically "male" experiences, while also quoting a number of trans women whose lives went the exact opposite way. I assert in the piece that their experiences are theirs to name, and that there's a number of different ways we might each understand and categorize them personally -- especially when we take into account how much gendered socialization is dependent upon class, race, immigration status, diasporic status, and much more.

My view is that however you think your live played out, and whoever you find community alongside, you're right. I'm about to answer a similar ask about this from a trans masc perspective, but I'm a guy who has a ton of women friends and always have. I grew up mostly with girls as my closest buddies and we did things like playing pretend and having slumber parties and doing makeovers. I could chalk this up as a "female socialization" experience I guess if I wanted to. But I also grew up with a lot of gay boys, and I am a gay man, and guess what -- a lot of us grow up with predominately female friends. I don't think I have some essential feminine quality because my friends kept insisting on putting eyeshadow on me when I was ten. The fact I was bad at sports and couldn't be the tough, no-nonsense person that my culture expected me to be was gonna affect me whether I was a boy or a girl. And my upbringing was significantly different from that of one of my very best, oldest friends, whose family owned a successful business and were able to buy her a car and a horse and shit.

You're not betraying anything or lessening your own transfemininity by resonating with some typically "male" experiences or for having close male connections. Lots of queer women do! Just like I have plenty in common with lots of women! We don't say that cis women aren't women because they grew up tomboys, or had a ton of brothers, and the same is true of you. Even if you don't think of your younger self as "a tomboy" or even as a girl. You don't have to ascribe to the narrative that you were always one gender and always moved through the world with that identity. To demand that all trans people do so is respectability politics -- we cannot and should not require that all people be trans in the same ways. I have written before that transition to me feels at once both pre-ordained AND a choice that I made. You can say that you lived as a boy for some years or were a boy if that feels right to you, or that you had certain privileges while also suffering from dysphoria and disconnection; it's your life and you know it best and what serves you.

I wish I had narratives from trans women writers to direct you to, but for the most part the trans women who I've heard express feelings like yours have been in the support and discussion groups I've been in, and in private conversation -- I think because the socialization experiences of trans femmes are so unfairly politicized. I hope if any trans femme people see this have anything to share or any words to say that they will!

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Idk if it’s just me but this is how I see Yandere Mark with batsib.

Batsib who had a neglectful parent and needs to be obsessively loved

Mark Grayson who’s obsessively in love with them.

I also feel like batsib is also adopted but could be blood related to Damian. Oh I also feel like batsib and Mark were close friends before they started dating. I just like the premise of Mark and batsib being friends before dating because that’ll mean they batsib trusts him.

Also I feel like mark isn’t that bad of a boyfriend it’s just his obsessive tendencies and possessiveness. I feel like Mark would def take batsib out on dates and make sure there well taken care of. Idk I’m desperate

This is so late but I def agree. My last post was purely a joke post.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely am a fiend for evil boy Mark. Evil Mark has my heart idc idc idc.

Mark is such a good boy he loves every single girl he's been with so much. Like he's such a family boy. ;-; his mama raised him right. He love Batsis more than anything and would do whatever makes her happy.

I think Mark would love being able to be an obsessive partner with batsis. Like you said it wouldn't even be in a bad way, he gets to be extremely over protective and keep you safe without ever worrying about being too much. If he ever did push a boundary he is so apologetic, he's so cuteee.

Even when he has to be away for a while doing hero stuff, he comes back and is treating you like you're the only girl in the world. How nice it'd be when he takes you on late night flights to where you wanna go. All the kisses and attention. He's great on sending you updates, you literally are all that matters.

Dates are great. Perfect teenage/young adults dream. You're always going on adventures together. I think his mom would love you and wouldn't care if you was constantly over. Like you can have that spare room.

There's tons of lazy days where Mark is holding you in his bed for hours while you guys eat junk and be bliss. He just never wants to be away from you.

Even when his dad is talking nonsense, he could never in a million years think about killing you. He doesn't care if he'll outlive you and still be young when you're old. To him, you're the only one that could ever fill that void within him. It's not years wasted to him, if it's spent with you. He'd love you as much as you need for the rest of your life..

but ughhh after Norman started being weird, can you just imagine how protective Mark would get. He's never leaving your side. He doesn't trust anyone or thing. You're his baby, he's willing to take any beating from his dad if that means you will be safe. He'll bounce back but you are so fragile...he cannot risk it. He's never abandoning you, not after you parents.

it would be funny though for him to have beef with some of the batsiblings tho, even if it's friendly. I think it'd just make sense, especially if the batsis are yanderes with too. Like come on Bruce would at least def hate him and Norman. Mark didn't even do anything wrong but he's still a threat.

[sturniolocafe]

babysitting (a dad!chratt installment) ⊹₊⟡⋆

this takes place pre dad!chratt x mom!reader relationship 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ 805 words ! very minor talks of infertility due to health issues, but nothing direct or major

"matt, i-" matt could practically hear his brother, chris, running his hands through his dmessy, brown hair through the phone. "i hate to ask, but is there any way you could watch harper this afternoon?" the boy begged.

matt chuckled, allowing you to feel the deep rumble as you laid your head on his chest, listening to the conversation. "you know you don't have to ask right?"

chris and matt exchanged a few more words, deciding that chris would drop harper off in the next hour. matt hung up the phone, tossing it to the end of the bed, before carding his fingers through your hair.

"i get to see my girl." you mewled happily, still slightly sleepy.

you had always wanted a daughter, but due to your career, as well as certain medical issues, it just wasn't in the cards for you and matt to have biological children. that wouldn't stop you from treating harper like your own, though. the two year old was borderline spoiled, especially when it came to you. she'd come to your and matt's house in a cartoon chracter shirt and leggings, only to be recieved by chris a few hours later in a toddler-sized version of a juicy tracksuit that matched your own.

matt smiled gently at your excitement, knowing how much you adored his brother's daughter. if he were being totally honest, he also considered harper a daughter of his own.

౨ৎ

"mommy!" the sound echoed off the walls of the foyer of home forty five minutes later.

as soon as harper had been able to speak, you had been "mommy" in her mind, and neither you, matt, nor chris had the heart to tell her otherwise. it was nothing short of adorable, after all.

"hey baby!" you giggled, picking the girl up and spinning her around.

chris watched the two of you with a smile, despite the prominent bags under his eyes. "thank you guys. really. i just...it's been a long day and i need some me time."

"who said we were doing you a favor?" you smirked, kissing harper's cheek. "this might be a favor to myself."

it wasn't long until goodbyes had been exchanged, you and matt agreeing that you would babysit for several hours in order to give chris time to reset. being a single dad was hard, and wherever the two of you could help out, you would.

the three of you migrated towards the kitchen to make lunch, harper babbling in two year old language about my little pony. as matt slid chicken nuggets in the oven and began to slice strawberries, you imagined what your life would be like if you two spent time with harper every day. you had always wanted a little girl, and being around one as sweet and well behaved as harper only amplified that want.

"matt?" you said abruptly as you slid harper into the high chair that had taken up residence in your kitchen for babysitting purposes.

"mhm?"

"what if chris and harper moved in with us? like...permanently?"

matt looked up from the oven, placing the tray of nuggets on the stove. "sweetheart, chris and harper have a place." he chuckled.

"but like...we could be built in babysitters," you said, eyes lighting up. as if agreeing with you, harper began to giggle in that adorable toddler way. "you work from home basically, i work from home, it would be perfect! and then we could be one of those cute multigenerational families living together. besides, this house is big enough. we have three unoccupied bedrooms."

you began to talk a mile a minute as the idea came to fruition in your head. matt watched you intently, noticing that you were truly set on this. it would make sense. the two of you had orginially purchased the house before finding out about your health issues, leaving most of the space unoccupied. besides, he could see it in his younger brother's eyes. single fatherhood, along with being a famous youtuber was wearing on him.

matt came around the island, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing your forehead. "i'll ask chris about it. deal?"

"deal!" you squealed, laughing harder when harper's blue eyes that matched her father's twinkled with excitement as well.

౨ৎ

"daddy?" harper asked as chris slid her coat on.

"yeah, baby?" chris asked, voice more refreshed than when he had dropped his daughter off earlier in the afternoon.

"we lives wif mommy an' matty?"

chris blinked, clearly caught off guard. "uhhh...i dunno, baby. probably not, honey. but we can come back and visit!"

yet as he thanked you and matt for your help and began to pull out of the driveway, he couldn't help but notice the looming emptyness of the home, as well as matt's mouthing 'we'll talk later'.

★ a/n: save me dad!chratt...dad!chratt save me

★ @emely9274 @tyummyz @55sturn @nicksbestie @quinnysnursery @tyummyz , to be added to my taglist, click here!

[purpleheartskies]

About the framing and marketing of the traumas in Robby's story including the SA

TW/SA

This situation with the SA in Robby's story feels like post-s5 all over again. Robby experienced something(s) traumatic, but the audience is not supposed to consider it traumatic for Robby because of the framing and marketing, and many fans go along with it---though in this case, many fans are opposed to ignoring the SA.

Hayden's comment about the SA seems to indicate that the writers don't see the SA for what it is and won't address it in part 3. However, Jon (privately) 1000% agreed with a fan that consent can't be given while drunk, that he was very upset with Hayden's tweet, and that he himself wouldn't have answered that question in that way. Hayden is a known troll, and given how he has always approached answering questions, his comment may have been a tone-deaf statement that pushed the narrative framing. For example, Hayden had also responded to someone in that q&a that Miguel always sees the best in people. This is not true, looking at the context throughout the story. Miguel definitely thinks the worst of Robby and acts on it whenever Miguel feels like it. These and other points I will talk about in this post make me wonder if the SA may still possibly be addressed in some way as SA.

Although there are definitely flaws in the writing, such as in the pacing, I don't think the skills of the writers can be completely ignored. Their character and relationship writing in particular are quite good (as in consistent and realistic) compared to a lot that I've seen across a variety of stories. I also think that, while many view SA as an egregious trauma that sets it apart from other traumas (hence the more resonant backlash about it), these writers are treating the SA as just another trauma in Robby's story. After all, they've handled Robby's other traumas with a similar writing, execution, framing, and marketing approach. For example, the same day that Netflix posted the ig reel marketing the SA as "Can Tory catch a break?", which matches the narrative framing, Variety put out that interview of Billy glorifying Johnny's relationship with Miguel and claiming that Johnny "needed the boy [Miguel] who needed him", which also matches the narrative framing. As I pointed out in another post, the framing and marketing of both situations treat Robby as inconsequential, although both are extremely traumatic for him. 

The storytelling style in the show is very interesting. There's a lot the consistency and patterns throughout the story, especially when it comes to the characters behaviors. For example, my pre-s6 analyses of Miguel's envy of Robby being Johnny's son, Johnny using Miguel to feel better about himself for screwing up with Robby, and the blended "family" not being written genuinely (especially Robby's inclusion in it) are inline with what was depicted once more in s6e8. In fact, the occurrence of Robby experiencing a trauma (the SA) while Johnny was off tending to the Diazs is in line with the consistency of how the writers approach Johnny and Robby's story: Johnny's relationship with the Diazs is narratively in opposition to Johnny's relationship with Robby. It is an either/or situation; it always has been. 

In this case, Robby was left out of the family situation and was, overall, feeling so unsupported (because he is, despite Johnny's words to Miguel) that his abandonment/rejection trauma and low self-worth were at their peaks, with him believing that Tory had abandoned and replaced him too, so he drank for the first time. In fact, the writers reminded us through Sam that Robby doesn't drink. They wanted us to be clear on the fact that he was drinking for the first time, and the rum and coke doubles he was downing would impair him. Robby telling Sam about his intention to drink seemed to be his counterdependence peaking through: he had wanted her to stop him. (In fairness to Sam, no character has understood Robby's counterdependent tendencies. Though, it would have been good of her, as a friend, to stick around after he told her that he was thinking of drinking. I'm not blaming Sam, though, for Robby's decision to drink. It was Robby's decision to do so. I may do a proper s6 part 2 Robby analysis soon.) It's within the context of Robby getting drunk for the first time and being alone and vulnerable that Zara took advantage of him. This was all juxtaposed with Miguel showing his envy once again about Robby being Johnny's son and Johnny once again committing himself to Miguel in comparison to Robby. In the hospital scenes, Robby's absence was felt including Carmen speaking about the baby having her big "brother" win, as if she has only one brother competing in the tournament.

Looking at how the writers have written scenes throughout the story, the SA is written as what it is: SA.

First off, there's no narrative "show" of Robby consenting or intentionally getting together with Zara. They don't show him noticing her, getting friendly with her, or drinking with her. They're only shown to have two interactions: (1) the conversation outside of her hotel room the next morning, and (2) during the brawl. In both these interactions, Zara acted entitled to Robby, his body and him, while Robby showed no interest in her whatsoever. Wrt to the SA itself, Robby was clearly shown to be getting drunk and losing his faculties (he couldn't focus enough to talk back to Kwon) before Zara even approached him. The next morning, his hungover state and his statement that he can barely remember anything also prove that he hadn't been in any condition to consent. He was barely responsive when she kissed, and he looked disturbed/shell-shocked as he walked away. In turn, she was shown watching and approaching him at the bar with intent. The next morning, her bold response "well, good thing idea I do" to him saying that he barely remembers, her indifference about his unwell state, and her stealing a kiss from him as if she's entitled to show that she was sober and didn't care if he could consent or not. She had been interested in him, and she'd taken from him what she'd wanted. 

The framing and marketing that we should feel sorry for Tory wrt this doesn't match the nuance of what is shown, only the framing of it. Tory seeing them is written as a coincidence. The framing that Robby had cheated and made a "mistake" is set up by Robby's words: "Tory broke up with me. She hooked up with Kwon. I got drunk and I did something stupid". Some fans claim that Robby "cheated" to get revenge, but there is no narrative proof of this. Robby didn't try to throw it in Tory's face and was shocked that she'd found out. Then, his defensive argument with Tory---that she was upset that he'd gotten with someone even though she'd gotten with Kwon---added to the framing. However, Robby is already established as a character with exaggerated self-blame, who blames himself for his traumas when he isn't at fault at all or isn't 100% at fault. In this case, he can barely remember what happened. He knows that he got drunk because he was upset, thinking that Tory had hooked up with Kwon. But, he essentially doesn't know the details of the "mistake" that he is blaming himself for. He was also already blaming himself when he and Tory got into their argument about it, so he was defensive about it.

Overall, the whole situation had contexts of Robby's underlying traumas. He drank for the first time to deal with his abandonment/rejection trauma and low self-worth. He took this step, despite his goal not to become like Johnny. This is also likely a type of situation that his mother may have experienced in the past, given what had been shown about her in earlier seasons. He blamed himself for it, although he essentially doesn't even know details about what he's blaming himself for. He just believes it's his fault. Robby being SA'd the first time he drank and got drunk seems to be a dark irony in light of all this.

Another thing that stuck out is that Tory cut Robby off when he tried to explain what had happened with Zara. This was after Cobra Kai had lost, and Robby had approached Tory in the hotel lobby. Robby not being able to tell his side of the story or details of his side of the story being obscured is pretty consistent with his story so far. When it comes to the school fight, for example, Miguel's wrongdoings against Robby have been obscured, and only Robby's wrongdoing in it have been explored and addressed. In s3e2, Robby clearly told Daniel that he had kicked Miguel (which is a true statement), while he also told Daniel that it was a mistake trying to help him because he can't change (which is his exaggerated self-blame; it had been an accident and there is so much context to consider for that fight). This is similar to "I got drunk" (true statement) and "I did something stupid" (exaggerated self-blame; he couldn't consent and barely even knows what happened).

In s3e2, Robby wasn't able to say more to Daniel because the cops had shown up. Robby stopped trusting Daniel, was put into juvie, and their relationship dissolved. Robby also stopped talking about his side of the story. Even when Kreese (s3e5) and Tory (s3e8) showed him empathy about it, Robby didn't respond. He finally talked about it in s4e4 when he tried to defend himself to Johnny, but Johnny dismissed what he said. Then, in s5e5, after the abusive apartment fight, he explained to Miguel what had happened at the end of the school fight, in response to Miguel gaslighting him about the school fight. Miguel's question implied that Robby had had no reason to not hold back that day in school, which shows how entitled and lacking in empathy and self-awareness Miguel is as the person who had attacked Robby brutally that day. (Robby having a "fight" response at the end of the fight was quite natural, given the circumstances.)

Robby has been scapegoated for their school fight and is still being scapegoated for it, as depicted in the college essay scene in s6e2. The SA being written how it was---as SA---and Robby being scapegoated for it is in line with how he has been scapegoated narratively before. Again, I think people view SA on a different level than these other traumas and situations, but it is a type of trauma and it is being treated as his other traumas have been treated. The SA was also perpetrated by a new character, who isn't endeared to fans in general, so she is being more rightfully called out and given less of a benefit of a doubt. Those who defend her or make gross comments about the SA mainly do so because she's a young, hot female.

Wrt the SA, a question remains about how and if Zara would have flaunted it in Tory's face had Tory not seen them. Zara also later taunted Tory about it on Zara's livestream because Tory was standing nearby. (Maybe Zara saw Tory alone and purposely went and stood close by. We don't know.) By this point, Zara is depicted as an opportunist. She had taken advantage of Robby while he was drunk, alone and vulnerable, and she was taking shots at Tory whenever the opportunity arose. Zara SA'd Robby because she'd wanted him. Tory coincidentally finding out had been a bonus for Zara, which she used to piss off Tory more.

In fact, Zara isn't depicted to have any positive personality traits at all. She started a rivalry with Tory because she saw Robby and immediately became interested in him, but noticed that Robby and Tory have something and didn't like that. She got in Tory's face after she noticed people talking about Tory, instead of her, as a badass fighter. Then, she threw having been with Robby in Tory's face because Tory coincidentally saw her kissing Robby. Then, just to piss Tory off, she purposely commented on her livestream that she plays hard all night. Tory snatched her phone and told Zara's followers that Zara doesn't care about her karate sisters and steals their boyfriends. She started losing sponsors so that pissed her off at Tory more. During the brawl, when Tory tried to get to Robby, Zara stopped Tory, said that she's hers, and started beating on her. After Robby threw her off of Tory, she was shocked that he'd choose Tory over her. She then attacked Robby. (This Zara-Tory rivalry is pretty one-sided and doesn't parallel the Tory-Sam rivalry which was already two-sided before Miguel became an issue between them.) 

Zara is depicted as vain, egocentric, envious, entitled, lacking in accountability, violent, and opportunistic. She preys on and assaults guys without a care and flaunts having been with them, and she actually thought that that one night and whatever she did to Robby would make him choose her over Tory, who she knows Robby has a history with. She didn't treat Robby as a person at all, but as something that she is entitled to.

As I mentioned, this isn't the first time that Robby has been subjected to an abuse/assault/trauma that has been obscured with framing and marketing. Robby's story is actually quite dark if the framing and marketing around it is removed. I actually feel that the writers were trying to top the abuses from s5 with the SA, as in what other trauma could they give Robby. As the series has gone on, Robby has experienced the most traumas out of all the kids, almost all of which are not his fault at all or not completely his fault, and are still unaddressed. (Out of all the kids, Robby is also the only one to have gone to juvie, although some of the others should have gone too.) Just like I mentioned above, Robby blames himself for almost all of these traumas, regardless of how much fault he bears... as many trauma victims would. Wrt the SA, Robby is 1000% not at fault for what Zara did to him.

Looking back to s5, consider the Mexico trip in s5e1/2. Johnny subjected Robby to emotional and psychological abuse while Johnny did what he could to find Miguel and told Carmen to stay safely at home. Robby ended up staying to help Johnny after Johnny tried to abandon him again. Now, one could claim that Robby wanted to stay. After all, Robby told Johnny, after saving him, that Johnny's trying to fix things and Robby wants to help. But, as I pointed out after s5, this is a people-pleasing statement. Robby was putting Johnny's needs above his own. Johnny had tried to abandon Robby again after kidnapping him to Mexico under the guise of a father-son trip. Johnny had also psychologically and emotionally manipulated Robby with gaslighting and guilting. Robby also repeated what Johnny had said earlier, that they could make stories together, another emotional manipulation. Robby changed himself to stay with Johnny. Robby even did a chili eating contest to fix one of Johnny's screw ups. And of course that whole trip ended with a big heartfelt "father-son" hug between Johnny and Miguel as Robby watched from the background, a blatant callback to the s1e5 scene that was a trauma trigger for Robby. This time Robby had to swallow his trauma given the situation he was in. The trauma and abuse Robby suffered on this trip was framed and marketed as Johnny needing to find the boy who needed him (Miguel), Robby wanting to stay and help Johnny, and the two of them making stories together. This trauma and abuse are still unaddressed.

There is a follow up though, that shows that Robby wasn't okay with the trip. His conversation with Tory in s5e4 showed that he didn't enjoy the trip and he clearly stated that he and Johnny still have some issues that are too big to solve (Robby looked at Miguel when Robby said this). Those issues have not been solved, but have been tucked away because of the news that came later. In s5e3, Johnny told the opposite to Carmen that he and Robby are good now. s5e4 is the last time that Robby spoke about his issues with Johnny. There have also been NO proper one-on-one scenes or interactions between Johnny and Robby since the Mexico trip. Although many love Johnny and Robby's "father-son bonding" on the trip, the context of that trip shouldn't be ignored (but it is by many). The Mexico trip was never used to establish a foundation for them to start (re)building a relationship. In fact, the trip added to the continued narrative thread of Johnny's relationship with the Diazs being in opposition to his relationship with Robby, while Robby experienced more trauma. The trip also set up Robby completely adopting people-pleasing after he would later hear the baby news.

Now, take the apartment fight and baby news in s5e5. Robby had made his boundaries clear to Johnny. Robby didn't want to be Miguel's friend. Robby was also willing to be okay with Johnny's relationship with Miguel. But, Johnny cornered Robby with Miguel and with the psychologically and physically abusive, "Johnny classic"/Cobra Kai solution to "fight it out". Robby noticeably didn't want to fight and hesitated before and after saying yes to the fight, which he only said yes to to posture after Miguel said yes to the fight. Robby, especially, started out fighting hesitantly. Johnny egged them on, and it was after Miguel drew blood that Robby stopped hesitating.

As they fought, the boys ended up on the second floor balcony. Miguel gained the upper hand, and Robby stopped fighting back. Robby looked on in fear but Miguel suddenly stopped fighting, which is stated in the script as "showing mercy"---a callback to how their school fight had ended. The end moments of this fight were juxtaposed with flashbacks of Miguel's side of the school fight, a "tell" that framed Robby as the bad guy/aggressor in that fight. Robby then asked Miguel why he held back, and Miguel gaslit him about not learning karate to hurt people but to be badass and learn balance. This is not completely true. Miguel had just said yes to this fight so that he could hurt Robby with his karate, as Miguel has done a few times before. Also, Cobra Kai, which Miguel had learned first, doesn't teach finding balance. After this statement, Miguel asked Robby why he didn't hold back in school. As I described earlier, this is another gaslighting statement. As Robby explained his actions at the end of the school fight, Robby acknowledged that that was the worst moment of both of their lives. Both of them had also just relived the trauma of the school fight with this apartment fight. Johnny asked if they were good now, and Robby hesitated but then nodded yes. For both fights, Miguel got resolutions completely in his favor and is no longer dealing with repercussions from the fights, while Robby got no resolutions on his side and is still dealing with repercussions. This apartment fight was marketed as a "therapy session" for both boys and the video for it showcased the younger cast minus Tanner (who was filming a movie at the time) watching the middle to end of the fight, the latter of which frames the narrative in Miguel's favor using flashbacks as "tell". Again, Robby's side of the school and apartment fights and his lack of resolutions were obscured in the framing and the marketing.

This abusive and traumatic experience for Robby also ended with tonal shifts, like the SA scene does. Johnny let slip about the baby news. As Johnny and Miguel became excited over it, Robby is visibly shown to be processing the news and only acted overly excited after Johnny pointed to Miguel and said to act that excited. Suddenly, Robby exclaimed that that is awesome, and they all hugged and all was good between them, with a guitar riff score playing. The SA scene also ended with tonal shifts. As the elevator opened, the ominous music that had been playing intensified, shifting the focus of the scene from Robby to Tory. After Robby walked away visibly disturbed and Zara spotted Tory, the music shifted once more. This time from ominous to upbeat/playful, and Zara blew Tory a kiss. In both cases, the scenes became about the other characters' feelings and dynamic, while Robby's traumatic experience in both these situations was ignored and later framed as him being in the wrong. In s5e8, Robby talked to Kenny about the rivalry as if Robby's hate had been the problem, and once he let that go, all was good. This of course is not true, as Miguel clearly is the one who had started and maintains the rivalry with Robby as Miguel feels entitled to. This is shown again in part 2, with Miguel acting like a jealous ass to Robby until Johnny promised to give Miguel preferential treatment again, compared to Robby. Miguel later gave Robby the pep talk to help them win. In s6e9, Robby took the same approach of putting the blame of what Zara did to him onto himself, despite barely remembering what had happened and Zara clearly remembering. Zara however is the one who is clearly at fault for whatever she did to him. She acted entitled to him and took advantage of him. Her expectation that he choose her over Tory after that night also shows her entitlement.

In s5e5, at dinner after the apartment fight, Robby was now miraculously happy with both Johnny and Miguel. After Carmen came home, Robby kindly asked if he could stay for dinner. After she paused and said yes, Robby cautiously watched her as she walked away. Robby's place in the family is clearly unstable, and this is still indicated in s6, including in s6e8. When Carmen asked about the boys' bruises, Johnny told her that the boys beat each other into submission. This is not true. Miguel had beaten Robby into submission. Johnny's claim is meant to frame the resolution as fair for both boys, just like the marketing attempts to, but this doesn't match what was shown in the actual fight and resolution. s5e5 also added to the continued narrative thread of Johnny's relationship with the Diazs being in opposition to his relationship with Robby, while Robby experienced more trauma.

Robby's story has gotten darker as the story has gone on, though the context and tone of his story remain obscured using framing and marketing that minimizes/removes how dark and traumatic these experiences are for Robby. At the same time, Robby still lacks a stable support system and his mental health is shown to be worsening. After s5, many claimed that Robby had found balance. So far, s6 is showing that Robby never found balance. In fact, his mental health has gotten so bad that he eventually chose to drink to cope with his poor mental health, just like Johnny does, although Robby's goal is to not become like Johnny. 

The SA narratively fits as another traumatic experience that Robby has had and that he blames himself for. The SA is framed and marketed as something that only affects Tory. The narrative thread of Johnny's relationship with the Diazs being in opposition to his relationship with Robby, while Robby experiences another trauma also continued. The SA has been dealt with in the narrative and in the marketing the same way as Robby's other traumatic experiences have been. Throughout the story, the writers have been "telling" the audience to ignore all of the abuse and trauma Robby has been "shown" to experience. The SA isn't a unique circumstance. I've said before that this story is full of irony:

"Irony introduces depth, nuance, and multi-layered meaning. Its ability to present contradictions and incongruities between appearance and reality, or between expectation and actuality, demands critical thinking from the audience to uncover the intended deeper significance. Rather than passive acceptance of face value, irony prompts an analysis of context and subtext — engaging viewers or readers in a richer interpretive experience."

If the SA were the only trauma dealt with in this way, I wouldn't be writing this post. But Robby's other traumas have also been dealt with this way. We have been "shown" what Robby has experienced throughout the story, but the "tell" obscures so much of it, and he and the other characters have yet to understand what he's experienced and how it all affects him.

Since part 2 came out, it's been good to see that people have been calling out the SA by calling out the nuances of the scenes involved---body language, dialogue, and context. I've also seen people say that they recognize Robby blaming himself for it as a trauma victim would, and as Robby specifically would. After s5, it was so hard to talk about Robby's abusive/traumatic experiences during the Mexico trip, apartment fight, baby news and the family dinner scenes. People would dismiss all these storytelling nuances that were clearly portrayed as Johnny used and abused Robby to find Miguel and later abused Robby to force his submission into Johnny's new family. Johnny forcing Robby to be friends/family with these people, especially in such a violent way, is a violation of Robby's boundaries. Zara SAing Robby is also a violation of his boundaries. The storytelling nuances have also always been present and ignored by many the whole time as Johnny and Miguel's relationship has been built at Robby's expense, with the persistent layers of Johnny using Miguel to feel better about himself and Miguel feeling entitled to Johnny over Robby and being jealous that Robby is Johnny's son. These nuances and layers are still there in s6, and especially in s6e8. 

After part 2 came out and especially after Hayden's comment, many said that they needed female writers because of how the SA has been handled. But, two women wrote s6e8 and a woman directed it. In fact, the woman who directed it also directed s5e5, which had the apartment fight, baby news, and dinner scenes. That episode has so much nuance that people choose to ignore. I still remember how some people would openly dismiss Robby's body language in those s5e5 scenes that I've described above. I also remember a lot of people claimed after s5 that the writers didn't remember Robby's traumas and mental health issues anymore. Now I'm seeing some of those same people talk about Robby's mental health being the reason he drank. 

Despite many going along with the framing and marketing of Robby's other traumas, it's a relief overall to see that many still hold the view that this is SA and haven't been swayed to believe otherwise. (Although, I have seen that some have shrugged their shoulders and have adopted the view that Robby "cheated" or had "casual sex", which is not supported narratively with "show" but is framed and marketed as such using "tell".)

I really hope that people keep the conversations going in the fandom about the SA, as well as about Robby's other traumas and all of the nuances in his story.

[gallaghersgal]

dad lip where the heat goes out and you him and your kids all snuggle in the bed and he tells them stories and it’s very core memory

sonia my love!! i made this married mk & lip, as a little treat. ronan is ten, fred is like five and baby fi is three in this !! no warnings all fluff <33

"momma? momma, wake up," fi says. lip hears her first, jolting awake at his baby girl's voice.

"hey sweet pea, wha's up?" he leans over your side to help fiona crawl up and into the bed. strong arms situate her shivering body in his lap, but not without her elbows and knees digging into your sleeping form. you wake up groggily, two glasses of wine after dinner sending you into a nice sleep.

"'m cold," she whines, snuggling into her father's chest. "even under m'bwankets."

you rub your eyes, moving to turn your lamp on. the click! of the switch rewards you with more darkness, and you sigh. "alright, power's out."

ten minutes later you've rounded up flannel pj's, extra bedding, and your two boys. the five of you all fit in you and lip's bed, you're grateful you splurged for a king over a queen.

"im never gonna be warm again," fred complains, burrowing into the blankets you've gathered.

lip's hand lands gently on his younger boy's head. "y'know, when i was about ten years old, our power went out."

"what did you do?" ronan asks curiously. by the light of a flashlight he's playing a word search puzzle, his most recent obsession.

lip continues to rub his daughter's back, she's nearly asleep in his arms now. "me, aunt fiona, and uncle ian built a blanket fort downstairs, and we hauled frank and monica's mattress in, 'cause they were out somewhere."

"can we make a bwanket fort?" fi asks quietly.

"tomorrow, baby," you promise her. "right now we gotta cuddle up so we can stay warm, and get back to sleep."

ronan peers over at you and you give him a stern look, to which he switches off his flashlight and puts his puzzle book away. you can't believe he's ten years old already.

"hey dad?" fred asks, scooching closer to lip's side while his older brother finds space to lay beside you .

through the darkness you see lip smile, "yeah bud?"

"tell us more, about when the power went out."

"well, it was snowin' real hard, so when your uncle carl woke up all he wanted was to play in it."

fred gasps in disbelief, "really!? uncle carl?"

lip chuckles, it would be off seeing the carl his kids know out playing in the snow. "uncle carl was only about... three years old?"

"ohh, like baby fi?" your son asks, ever curious.

"yeah, just like baby fi. so we let him go out, and of course debs wanted to go with them, then she dragged fiona and soon enough me an' ian were out there too."

"wouldn't that make you colder?" ronan asks, the sound muffled from his face buried in your side.

lip laughs, "yeah bud, it was freezing. but me an' fiona made budget cocoa for everyone, and we put on meet the robinsons for debs and carl. only kid friendly movie we owned on dvd."

you see fred about to ask another question and interject. "okay boys, fiona's sleeping. it's time to close our eyes, okay?"

fred agrees, and lip leans over slightly to kiss you goodnight. not long after you hear a rustle, fred tugging at his father's sleeve.

"dad? can we watch meet the robinsons tomorrow?" he whispers, in the cutest little voice. your heart melts, and you know lip's does too.

"'course we can."

[bucksdaddykink]

୨♡୧ TOMMY BUBBLES BUCK LOAFS TOMMY ୨♡୧

a playlist that narratively leads up to the breakup, and follows buck and tommy through the loss and yearning, leading to a possible reconciliation. a playlist for the romcom nature of their love, marked with their povs and featuring as many queer artists as i could fit! (tracklist and povs under readmore)

Forrest Gump - Frank Ocean (T) "I know you wouldn't hurt a beetle, but you're so buff and so strong. I'm nervous, Forrest"

Feelings - Hayley Kiyoko (B) "I just complicate it when I say too much"

Gunshot - Lykke Li (T) "Gunshot, I can't take it back. My heart cracked really loved you bad"

Apartment - Young the Giant (T) "You carved a boat to sail my shadow, now I walk alone"

Easily - Bruno Major (B) "Don't you tell me that it wasn't meant to be. Call it quits, call it destiny. Just because it won't come easily doesn't mean we shouldn't try"

Say My Name (cover) - Hozier (B) "You ain't callin' me baby, why the sudden change? Say my name, say my name"

Voices in the Halls - Neon Trees (BT) "And you really got your hooks on me maybe that's the punishment for love. I still stay up late at night trying to hear your voices in the halls"

Loverboy - Joesef (B) "But I'm pretending I got this under control, like you don't still have a part of my soul"

BOY - Charlie Puth (B) "After you loved me so good how are you gonna tell me you don't wanna stay...Baby, how dare you treat me just like a boy"

Look What You're Doing To Me - BANKS (B) "You said none left when I gave you hope. I light up when you come home, if you leave you'll be sorry"

You and I - LÉON (B/BT) "Oh, you say, say you still want it, that you're done with being lonely now...Done my best to stay away but I think I'm going crazy"

Mimi's Delivery Service - Good Kid (B) "You're drawn across the sky. Now that ink has dried, and I can't tell you why. Oh, Mimi, can you tell me there's an issue? I've seen it clouded all around you"

deep end (alt version) - Lykke Li (B/BT) "I was only gonna touch ya, now I'm in it. I'm in it, swimming in it. Wasn't gonna love you now I'm so fucking deep in it"

Thinkin Bout You - Frank Ocean (B) "Since you think I don't love you, I just thought you were cute that's why I kissed you...how could I forget how you feel? You know you were my first time, a new feel"

Ivy - Frank Ocean (T) "I broke your heart last week you'll probably feel better by the weekend. Still remember, had you going crazy, screamin' my name, the feeling deep down is good"

Raye - John Splithoff (T) "I know this seems overdue, there's so much left I have to say to you. And even if what we had is through, oh, there's so much left I have to say to you"

Hood - Perfume Genius (T) "You would never call me baby if you knew me truly. Oh, but I waited so long for your love"

True Romance - Tove Lo (BT) "I don't like the real world. It's tough out in the real world. Let's go back to our world."

[sciderman]

Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?

actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.

my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.

[good-to-drive]

Not to start shit but there's no non-misogynistic explanation for hating Pattie or Jane

[lovinnelily]

Y'all do know you can't make Jason be NOT white without changing his whole character, right?

For other characters, yes, because their physical appearance are not that influential in their story, on how they are viewed by people, on their personality formation — you can have a black/asian/indigenous/arab/brown/latino/etc Nico and yes, the hate he gets will have a undertone of racism but at the same time nothing significant on his story, motivation or personality will need to change. This is also true for other characters: Clarisse risks repeating the "aggressive WoC" stereotype but the character itself doesn't change.

This isn't true for Jason, whose main character trait is how he is perceived by others and how he showcases himself to others based on that perception. (specially with how little effort Riordan put on him besides making him perfect-er Percy who's somehow also weaker and less important than him).

Let's not pretend a black, Arab, indigenous, Asian, Latin man, etc, in the USA would ever be treated with the universal reverence Jason gets from New Roma, you can't have the illusion of perfection and most of all, of invincibility they have about him when you see him suffering racism or xenophobia in the middle of a mission. In theory, nothing in his life has ever gone wrong, that's his image, destined to be king, he is supposed to have no weakness on his peers eyes.

He is not trying to prove people wrong, he is trying to prove them right; he isn't worthy despite their prejudice, on the contrary, he only tried to make himself worthy to fulfill their expectations. He can't be a woman or an immigrant or have a visible disability or any other thing that strays him from a perfect ideal by western society standards, and be that same character.

[niallandtommo]

.

[aq2003]

series 3 is so frustrating because there is like a shining core of pure diamond underneath the problems . like conceptually it rocks so incredibly hard. but the problems

[borgialucrezia]

the thing about rodrigo is that he's too blinded by his own ambitions and has always been dismissive of everyone's (including his family) feelings. unfortunately for juan he became a victim of rodrigo's ambitions, he was doomed the second he decided to favor him over cesare and lucrezia. he isolated him and tasked him with a role beyond his capability which struck cesare's jealousy because he had the chance to live the life he always desired as a soldier but instead, he made him a cardinal. basically, rodrigo set juan to fail and made him envied by his brother, and pitted them against each other. juan should've never been placed in opposition to cesare when he wanted harmony with his family while cesare wanted to be the gonfaloniere. they both wanted something the other one had. cesare's desire to be a leader and fighter and his distaste for juan in that role and juan's wish to be as close to his family as cesare is, especially with vanozza and lucrezia. despite juan having his father's attention, it's cesare that rodrigo trusts and depends on. he did not seem to trust juan enough as he keeps sending cesare to search for him every time and was made to act as his brother's keeper. rodrigo made both juan and cesare feel so insecure and not good enough for him which led to juan's murder and the only way rodrigo managed to come to terms with juan's death is by declaring it a tragedy caused by his rodrigo's lust for power, which corrupted his sons. both brothers are flawed but also victims of circumstances. cesare and juan were both trapped by their father's ambitions which led to their brotherly relationship being ruined when they should have been brothers in arms, not enemies. at last, rodrigo realized how much he failed juan as a father and understood how in the end he had not been there properly for him either. the guy was tormented, suffering from a horrible illness, and not to mention the mockery by everyone, especially when he tried to change after he came back from spain. in conclusion, juan went in an undeserving way. he was discarded like a common criminal with no funeral and no one to mourn him except his father. he was so earnest, he loved his family but felt inferior to his siblings while being desperate for connection, but his father set him to fail and made him gather resentment of his siblings and it was too late to fix it.

just to clarify; this not an anti-rodrigo post. the entire family is messy and they've hurt each other even when they meant to do good and i love them all lmao

[problemswithbooks]

So, after watching the anime and reading the manga after seeing the live action I have a few issues with how they did the Arlong Park section (though it's still a super good adaptation overall). Some of them are bigger then others so I'll start with the smallest addition that bugged me even the first time I watched--Nami's chain.

First of all it just doesn't make sense, especially since they changed it so it was Nami who approached him on making maps and getting money for her village. Why would he chain her in a room to do the thing she already promised him to do? Also if he's afraid of her running away, why does he ever let her leave to steal money to buy the village at all?

It doesn't even make sense in manga cannon where he made her make maps for him, because she genuinely has no where to go and Arlong knows that. Arlong is no genius, but I think him using a chain on Nami makes him look stupid. The village people have already kicked her out, and in the LA even her sister hates her. Arlong knows she cares about the village because she's willing to risk her life to get the money to buy it from him. She can't run away because she knows he'll kill the villages in retribution, while she can't even really go home because everyone hates her for 'joining' his crew.

She essentially only has Arlong as a life line no matter how awful he is. He doesn't need to put a chain on her to keep her there because she needs him, both because she needs to buy back the village to save everyone, but also because when she returns to the Island Arlong Park is the only place she can go (especially in the LA where her sister hates her and wouldn't let her sleep in their old house).

The second reason it bothers me is because I can almost guarantee it was added because they worried the audience wouldn't understand just how bad Arlong was to her without him being more physically abusive. That or think the audience would criticize Nami for not leaving as a child. Plus it adds more angst to Nami's character--that was most likely why they changed it to her sister hating her as well.

The thing is I really don't think it was needed. Arlong was bad enough to Nami as it is. She was under constant psychological abuse due to Arlong holding the lives of the villagers over her head. Every injury she got because she was stealing money is his fault. Later during the Fishman Island Arc she has a flashback of the crew not feeding her. We have Arlong shoving her face into her desk because she purposely (or maybe accidentally) misdrew a map. He only started to treat her better as she grew up, but even then it was always clear he saw her as lesser and enjoyed mentally torturing her when he was given the opportunity.

Nami didn't need to be chained for her pain to be 'bad' enough. Her life was already terrible. She was already a victim of abuse, both physical and mental. The chain adds nothing and doesn't make sense in either the LA or the Manga's story.

Third, it does leave a sort of bad taste in my mouth that given the fish-men were coded more as black in the LA, that they had essentially a black coded character (played by a black actor) chaining up a white girl. It feels even worse when they added Arlong constantly talking about fish-men slavery--making it clear from the get go that's why he hates humans. That entire thing is it's own can of worms, but at least to me it does come across as kind of off-putting. When it adds nothing, and easily didn't have to be included it just makes it feel worse.