#if i think about it too much it'll make me cry
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Sherlock fandom.
I was determined to write the fluffiest flash fiction ever after the devastating events of late, but my muse decided that you'll need tissues instead. Apologies, but I think it'll have a cathartic effect.
Let Me Comfort You
John’s ascending steps speak volumes to Sherlock. They are heavier than normal. Something must have happened at work. His watch tells him that John is ninety-five minutes early. He never leaves before his shift is over, unless Sherlock texts or shows up with a case.
The moment John appears in the doorway, Sherlock knows. A patient has died, and not an old one. Melissa, six years old, leukaemia. They had hoped she would make it through the year.
One last Christmas.
He’s in front of John before he collapses in Sherlock’s arms. John sobs like his heart is breaking, and Sherlock guesses that it literally is. The girl had been so brave, according to John. He had encountered her when her parents took her to A&E before they knew about her condition. A broken wrist and a cut over her eyebrow, which John mended easily.
Melissa had asked for him when she came back for her treatment. John represented safety, and he was allowed to visit her by the haematologist-oncologist.
“I’m sorry, John,” Sherlock murmurs and kisses his temple. “It went faster than expected?”
“Yeah,” John says, his voice is rough. “Infection.”
Sherlock tightens his grip and strokes John’s back.
“What can I do?” he asks, hoping there is something that can ease John’s despair.
“You’re doing it, Sherlock,” John replies and buries his face in the crook of Sherlock’s neck.
It’s a bit uncomfortable, since John’s face is damp with flowing tears, but Sherlock couldn’t care less. He’s determined to endure whatever John needs him to. His throat thickens and he has to clench his jaw to keep from crying too. He needs to be strong, just as John has been for Sherlock so many times. It is his turn now.
“Bath?” he suggests.
“Christ, that would be wonderful,” John sighs.
Relieved, Sherlock steers John to sit in his chair, while he sorts out the bath.
***
Sherlock fills the tub, adds vetiver-scented soap, and finds four jar candles. He places two of them at the far end of the tub and the other two on the sink. The flames flicker a bit when he whirls around to gather soft towels, their pyjamas bottoms, t-shirts, and clean pants. Before he returns to the sitting room, he turns off the light, so that the candles are the only light source in the bathroom.
John is resting his head on the back of his chair, his eyes closed, but he isn’t sleeping. Sherlock strokes his hair and beckons him to come with him. John walks like a zombie, and even lets Sherlock undress him. Sherlock’s heart clenches. John’s clearly out of sorts when he’s this pliant.
John makes no effort to get into the tub, and Sherlock strips quickly, seats himself and reaches for John to help him in. The deep sigh John releases when he’s enveloped in Sherlock’s arms, makes Sherlock almost euphoric with relief.
“This is just what I needed, Sherlock,” John murmurs after a few minutes of tranquil silence. “You’re lovely.”
Sherlock feels his cheeks flush, and not from the hot water. John’s praise always does that.
He starts humming and isn’t paying much mind to what tune exactly.
“Bach’s Lullaby,” John murmurs. “Are you going to sing me to sleep, love?”
“I wasn’t aware actually,” Sherlock responds quietly. “Would you want me to sing to you?”
“Always,” John assures him.
He turns his head and kisses Sherlock’s cheek.
“I love you,” Sherlock says softly and bends down to catch John’s lips.
“Me too, sweetheart. So much,” John whispers.
He starts to tremble and hides his face in Sherlock’s neck again.
“Shh, my heart. I’ve got you,” Sherlock soothes.
He rarely uses endearments, John’s name is enough, but this occasion clearly calls for it. John holds on to him for dear life, and Sherlock starts humming again. This relaxes John considerably, and Sherlock asks if John has any song requests.
“You don’t have to,” he mumbles.
“Let me comfort you, John. Please.”
When John stays silent, Sherlock starts to sing. He knows it’s one of John’s favourites. One that’s soothed him on more than one occasion.
When you're weary Feeling small When tears are in your eyes I will dry them all
-------------------------------------------------------------------
@flashfictionfridayofficial @totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @calaisreno @helloliriels
@raina-at @meetinginsamarra @safedistancefrombeingsmart @gregorovitch-adler @topsyturvy-turtely
@jolieblack @peanitbear @phoenix27884 @bs2sjh @brandiwein1982
@meandhisjohn @a-victorian-girl @221beloved @ninasnakie @shy-bi-letsfuckingdie
@7-percent @lhrinchelsea @missdeliadilisblog @salmonsown @oetkb12
@jawnscoffee @gay-ass-bitch @acumberlockedgirl @willamholmeswatson @whatnext2020
@mydogwatson @redmondcollege @thegildedbee @elizabethhood @xmengal03
@ilovegayangels @riversong912 @givemesherbet-blog-blog @couldbecannibal @2old2b-fangirl
@dw91165
(Tell me if you want to be tagged or removed from the list)
#flash fiction friday#sherlock fandom#sherlock#john watson#johnlock#bbc sherlock#sherlock fanfic#FFF278#singing in the candelight
74 notes
·
View notes
Text
fuck.
#her and her group have been a real source of comfort for me over these last 4 difficult years#a distraction and entertainment i desperately needed while taking care of mom#and a comfort afterward#seems like this isnt as final as other members retiring#she may become a staff member? or may come back for special events or guest appearences?#its unclear#but whatever it is it doesnt change that holomyth wont be the same without her#if i think about it too much it'll make me cry#happy for her and wish her well of course#but fuck. they just had the 4th anni event#and even when they were singing 'the show will go on' part of me worried how long it could last#being a vtuber is stressful as hell and burns people out#going 4 years is a long long time in that industry#but i never thought it would be this soon
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sanji and Usopp during The Sabaody Incident™ won't leave my mind.
Usopp standing in front of Sanji protectively because he is wounded and he can't fight, so Usopp will do it for him ("I'll do what you can't do").
There is just something about Sanji's expression when he realizes he might actually lose Usopp. This is my interpretation, at least. He is literally frightened.
Usopp helping Sanji stand up to run away. This is crucial for something I want to point out later: Sanji needs help to stand up. (Also, Brook disappears trying to protect them both and saying he will do anything to save them even if it costs him his life. I am feeling sick).
Sanji being self-sacrificing and blaming himself for not being able to protect them/act sooner is not new. But he does manage to gain the strength to fight when Usopp is the only one left with him and the possibility of losing him is even more real now.
The thing that I love the most about this is not Sanji sacrificing himself for Usopp, because he does that. He is like that. But Usopp not running away or moving in the slightest because he refuses to leave Sanji on his own.
Something I'd like to point out too is that Sanji actually touches Kuma before Usopp disappears. He tries to fight and protect him and Kuma could've easily sent Sanji to Momoiro Island right away, and yet Sanji was just sent flying far from the scene and forced to see Usopp disappear in front of him.
And I am not saying that "not being able to protect both Brook and Usopp (especially Usopp) is needed for Sanji to realize he has to become stronger and find more reasons to go back with the crew" but not being able to protect both Brook and Usopp (especially Usopp) is needed for Sanji to realize he has to become stronger and find more reasons to go back with the crew.
Not to mention that we can't deny (right after Water 7/Enies Lobby) that Usopp is one of Sanji's strongest bonds within the crew. This specific scene focusing on them both is more than enough to prove it.
Sanji seeing Usopp disappear in front of his eyes without being able to do anything to save him.
Remember what I said about Sanji needing help to stand up seconds ago? Well. This is him the moment Usopp disappears. What adrenaline and the power of love do to a mf.
They are so "I can lose everything, but not you. Oh God, not you" shaped.
#sorry for bringing up sabaody i am sure nobody wants to think about it#but they mean the world to me and there is SO MUCH to unpack#we don't talk enough about this i think ?????#sanji spending two whole years having nightmares about not being able to save usopp. about seeing usopp disappearing in front of him#he still has them btw#sanji having to sleep with usopp post-ts because he is afraid of waking up and seeing he is gone#also i am having thoughts about brook protecting them and#and brook saying he will do anything to save them#because sanji has only heard that from zeff so......... so just thinking. i have thoughts. i told you brook is one of sanji's father figure#back to sanuso- thinking about how this whole scene despite having brook too is mainly focused on both sanji and usopp#thinking abt how the others disappear mostly focusing only on luffy's reactions but this emphasizes a lot sanji's attempts to save usopp#why would you give them a whole scene i am throwing up#sorry still thinking abt sanji apologizing to usopp for not being able to protect him or#or having nightmares he definitely has nightmares about it#and usopp just. staying with him and making him see that he is alright now. and letting him cry.#early post-ts kills me#still angry we don't have almost post-ts sanuso#i might start crying thinking abt them so it'll be better if just shut up and post this#one piece#black leg sanji#usopp#sanuso#sabaody
321 notes
·
View notes
Text
With today's entry, I was rather surprised and confused that Johnathan seemed to turn around so quickly from the absolute pit of despair he was in yesterday, having newfound determination and energy when he's seemingly been completely hopeless and inactive for weeks now (and for good reason). Not that I ever thought he'd completely given up, but there's definitely been a slow decline in how descriptive his journal entries have been to reflect his declining mental state (more robotic, less of his actual feelings about things), and today was a sharp contrast; it feels more like the early entries again. I thought, well, his mind is probably just so cracked at this point that he's looped all the way back around to being bold and energetic again, because by now he's desperate enough to throw caution to the wind: he either succeeds doing something extremely reckless to escape, or he fails and meets his end in a far better way than if he just waits for his fate by Dracula's hands.
...But having thought about it and reading other posts, I realized (probably stupidly obvious as it is) that his sudden change in mood probably has to do with what happened to the baby. Despite how scared he's been all this time, yesterday he didn't hesitate for a single second to try to save the baby once he realized from the previous incident what was happening, not thinking about his own life at all. And then he despaired when he couldn't save the child, the first time he's mentioned crying in the book at all, and then he had to witness the mother blaming him for her baby's death, and being killed herself for trying to rescue it. Now, the day after that horrific and heartbreaking failure, he's suddenly more determined than he's been in ages to escape. Maybe that was a turning point for Johnathan, and lit a fire under him... maybe he's clinging to the need to escape not just for himself and the people he loves anymore, but for the vain hope that he can put a stop to Dracula's schemes somehow once he gets out, because he doesn't want to let any more children die :' )
#dracula#dracula daily#i'm a new reader so idk how much this is going into headcanon territory or will be backed up later#but i wonder if johnathan feels protective of children because he and mina want kids#i mean he's a good and sweet man so i'm sure he would react the same regardless even if he didn't have a fiance#but if he's planning to one day become a father i'm sure that makes his feelings even stronger :')#he hears those babies crying and thinks about if those had been his and mina's future children. man.#i'm sure that would have made him empathize with the mother even more too; if mina wants to have a child..........#ahhhhhhh i've made myself sad. yesterday's and today's part just made me so sad 😭💔#johnathan you're so good and brave 😭 you're doing your best 😭 it'll be okay in the end 😭#oops i projected paternal instincts onto a soft male blorbo again-#okay but now i need an au where by some miracle he manages to abscond with a baby dracula brings to be killed and it's just#Johnathan And Baby Against The World (vampire)#does that exist. please tell me johnathan and kids content exist cause 🥹🥹🥹#idk how it would work but thinking about it makes me emotional lol :' )
79 notes
·
View notes
Text
I know in the grand scheme of things that this is by no means a lot, but it doesn't stop me from being FLOORED by the reception of my Rayllum Month stuff?!?! Like these PROPORTIONS are NUTS to me and I'm just over here in my bedroom sobbing my eyes out that my stuff (apparently) resonates with people the way I really want it to.
(^ the proportions in question)
Like, out of 895 people, and SO FAST (6 days, as of my posting this), 15 subscribed and I've got 79 kudos?! And 16 bookmarks?! AND 17 PEOPLE CARED ENOUGH TO COMMENT WHAT THE HECK?!?!?! I'm an emotional mess you guys and ik it's not a lot but it means EVERYTHING to me that people like my writing and I just CAN'T-
#side note if you saw me post ch4 of it NO YOU DIDN'T#it was an accident but it'll be up in a few hours i pinky promise#the people i've met in this fandom are so genuinely amazing#like i actually can't think too long about interactions i've had otherwise i'll start crying (happy tears i swear)#so THANK YOU guys#i'm just a small town girl livin' in a lonely world and frantically making rayllum stuff to cope#like writing is so much to me and the fact that people like it always makes my heart explode#we do this for free! because we like it! and people care enough to get personal and interact and I LOVE FANDOM SO MUCH#brb crying in the tub#tdp#the dragon prince#rayllum#my fic#fic: i'm gonna marry him if he keeps all this up... i might just be in love#yk what?#FANDOM APPRECIATION POST#APPRECIATE PPL WHO WRITE AND PPL WHO MAKE ART AND PPL WHO COMMENT#AND EVEN JUST SHY PPL WHO DON'T COMMENT I SEE AND RESPECT AND LOVE YOU
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay if my girlfriend is able to help me out I'll try getting over my ocd issue with the Bad Number
#i feel like crying just thinking about it but the only way i can fight compulsions is just ignoring them and then try not to die of anxiety#it's a low number so basically every book has a chapter numbered with it and when i reach the chapter before i have to read both together#and I can't spend that long reading at times which makes me postpone reading some books for weeks#and it's all around very fucking annoying because i also can't stop at that page or after readinf that amount of minutes#i have to get rid of it#god i don't know if i can#it'll hurt so much I'm too scared
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
🌷
#i cant believe i could've almost been his girlfriend!!!!#im sad that he never asked me and never waited ....#because i know me and im dependable and devoted#i go all in if i love#but instead he .. fell in love fast and quick and i get it. i get why he fell for her i really do so i dont blame him#but... they only lasted a month then they broke up#she left. and i get that she and i are different people#but i cannot fathom how you can have HIM and leave him#i cant even imagine my life without him. he is genuinely all i think about#and she left.... !!!!! i cant understand that (from my pov. she is her own person i know)#i just wish he'd stuck it out and given me a chance (bc he did feel those things for me he said that)#i know the heart want what it wants but oh how i wish#i would've been with him until now. i would've never have left him#i wish i wish he didnt do that bc now he's even more heartbroken and i know it'll just be harder for me to maybe prove myself to him#(btw this sounds super selfish but this is only me venting my feelings!!!)#im still here for him. i've never left. i've been so so patient. isnt that worth anything?#most of the time it feels like he doesnt even appreciate me :( at all#i just cannot believe that HE once upon a time wanted ME to be his gf#if things just had gone a bit differently i would've been so lucky to call myself his#and him mine... that's so crazy to me#that's my dream...#i dont wanna give up on him bc i love him sm i cant imagine any other way my life can go#but.... i cant push if he isnt even replying... i cant bother him too much#then im just crazy#and my anxities arent even letting me message him at all#bc even if i asked if it's ok and he said im not bothering him#im convinced i am. i mean it really seems and feels like i am doing that#so i just cannot even message him..... which makes my life so empty i wanna cry#sometimes i wish i'd never met him bc my love for him has ruined my life now that i cant have him
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
tatimaxxing (something big just happened to me but i can't talk about it on this blog because ive posted face)
#my friend's in the hospital again so i spent 20 on an uber with my other friend to go see her#but by the time we got there visiting hours were over 😭#so we just had dinner at the park#and i told her about The Big Terrible Thing for the first time#straight through without embellishment! yay! i think at least#because ive retold the story in so many different ways that im not actually sure what happened anymore#she was like super chill about it though!! and was like im really impressed that you actively made an effort to not be [REDACTED]#not really what she said more like Making An Effort to No Longer [Redacted]#redacted as an action not as a noun blah blah you know#and she told me about how shes faced discrimination at our super homogeneously chinese church which i feel REALLY BAD ABOUT BUT I DON'T KNOW#HOW TO EXPRESS IT TO HER OR WHAT TO SAY ABOUT IT 😭😭😭😭 GIRL HELP#im being so useless and chinese about it 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i don't know how to talk to people about things that matter#and idk like ok v non-tatimaxxing of me to say but ive been so self centered and going Wahhh these normies will never experience my#Deep Secret Emotions unlockable only by spending too much time on tumblr as a child#on the other hand i feel like once this has gotten out of the way i don't really have an excuse for not connecting with my church friends#yknow. like i don't have to hide this from them any more#they're great people!! and they're going through so much and I need to be there for them but I couldn't even get tothe stupidhospital on tim#not cry typing just ran out of space#anyway I wish I could care more about them I wish I could make genuine connections without having to lie to feel some sort of weird#rush of power over them because I know the truth and they don't when I lie so much I don't even know what the truth is#I've been putting my face on here more lately because I want to be genuine and I want to not hide things#but idk if it'll work I think it might just make me unemployable 😭😭😭#cc diary
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
it's so frustrating that the only times I could actually look for a new therapist are when I feel relatively good and fine. but when I'm feeling fine I don't think I need one.
"I haven't had any really bad obsessive thoughts in weeks, I haven't had to do any compulsions, I haven't been too scared to leave the house, I haven't been so depressed that I can't get up - obviously I'm fine!"
haha yeah right, that's funny :)
#when I'm feeling okay I just can't seem to remember how bad it gets#the thoughts are so overwhelming lately#everything makes me think of bad things#everything is so scary#everyone is going to die and I have to do the right things the right way every day or it will happen and it will be my fault#it hasn't been this bad since my dad died. cause he was always the main person that it focused on. now it's just. everyone#and there's a few people in particular but I won't talk about that.#anyway. oops made myself cry#seriously I need to know how to make the thoughts stop but nothing has ever worked and I can't look it up because that's too overwhelming#and just makes everything worse#one day it'll be too much and I'll make it stop forever.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
shout out to thomas from ghosts for yoinking me out of a panic attack before it could really get going
#was shaking and trying not to cry and floating somewhere on the ceiling#then friday im in love came on the radio and reminded me of him doing his stupid little dance and it made me smile and calmed me down a bit#but i gotta give myself credit for not panicking at the panic too much and feeding it more#time was when feeling the thing i felt from first year tm would've sent me into a week long spiral#feels so stupid tho all it was was my volunteering manager asked if i wanted to start doing a longer shift#when im already struggling doing two measly hours a week and nothing else like jfc#but that's cos im not on my adhd meds which make life yknow tolerable and im gonna try getting back on them next week#and i also don't wanna start anything else bc i wanna change my name first so it's not quite so complicated#hahaaa it's already complicated and confusing and frustrating as all hell#but ik if i can just be patient and take these few months to figure stuff out it'll be so much better in the long term#im getting support for the gender tm and I've made so much progress in a month#i still feel guilty and ashamed bc im not actively job hunting or doing more volunteering#and like im just making excuses to let my anxiety win when ik i can cope with it#but i can't handle going into another situation where im misgendered and uncomfortable with my name#im at the end of my tether with it and i need to figure it out#wahoo#mine#vent#in good news tho im pretty certain im a dude more sure about pronouns and have a potential name im thinking of!!
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#tag talk#vent#wow okay so turns out my psychiatrist didn't ghost me she just put in the med refills without telling me#so I was waiting for her to message me back like a fucking idiot because expecting professional communication is apparently too much#I genuinely think I might cry I'm so fucking... not even mad. just incredibly let down#the autistic realization that you do in fact have to do everything yourself because you can't trust anyone to give you the support you need#you have to put in the extra work constantly just to survive because the environment is so incredibly hostile without even meaning to be#I didn't know I needed to check my prescriptions again. I didn't realize she would just add a refill without telling me.#the thought never crossed my mind. so I accepted my fate and experienced three weeks of hell#and I'm such a fucking doormat that the strongest word I could use to describe it to her was “interesting”.#I laughed and brushed it off like it was nothing because I was too afraid to say “I went through hell and you're responsible”#and I know my best option is to just suck it up and go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared to#I'm so fucking scared of going back on. getting it in my system. and then somehow getting cut off again#scared of relying on anything but myself because I know it'll just let me down again#I genuinely felt the worst I've ever felt. not just physically. my brain was on fire.#my brain was burning and all I knew to do was endure the pain without saying anything.#because I didn't know that I should follow up. I didn't know how to navigate the system. and I suffered for it.#self advocacy is so necessary but it's so fucking difficult and scary#and I laugh and joke and pretend to be this confident easy-going careless persona when I'm really not#I'm fucking terrified of bothering people or upsetting them.#I had a whole grand speech in my head about how I would hold her accountable for this mistake#and then the moment came and all I could do was laugh it off out of fear.#and all I can do is cry about it and feel like a fucking failure#I know I should go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared I don't want to feel like that ever again#I lost who I was. I lost my sense of self. my body stopped working in any of the ways it's supposed to#I've only just now come out of emergency power mode and I'm terrified of it happening to me again#I've been sleeping a ton recently. I'll wake up really early in the morning and then work on going back to sleep#my body is a machine and I've learned the proper input codes to make myself go to sleep#but I'm back to depression napping for 12-16 hours. entering recovery mode and trying to fix the damage I've experienced#I keep having really bad nightmares though. I know I need the sleep so I put up with it but it sucks so fucking much
1 note
·
View note
Text
i feel stupid and weird and awkward and wrong nothing happened there were no bad consequences but i hate the way i acted that was too vulnerable it shouldn't be like that i shouldn't have said that acted like that
#they pranked us all saying it was his birthday??? at lunch#and i was sooooo sad and hurt i kept saying mujhe bataya kyun nahi#bhai why would he tell you kya lagti hai tu uski 😭😭😭 literally nothing kuch bhi nahi#but i hate the way he's still so nice and cute and soft?? 😭😭#it felt like having a friend asking him again when we were sitting door door ki mujhe kyun nahi bataya#and when he said aise hi i just stared at him for 2 mins all sad face on verge of crying (wtf??) and was like kyun celebrate karna pasand#nai hai kya in a sad disappointed voice#and he laughed and mouthed it to me just me that aaj nahi hai#i miss having a best friend having secrets giggling about them so much it felt sooo good 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#i want to hug him so bad for scaring me but it doesn't make sense we are not that close it doesn't matter if i didn't wish him as soon as i#saw him right 😭😭😭😭#i think i finally understand that post about having a platonic crush on someone very intensely 😭😭😭#he seems nice and comforting i heard the way he was comforting some friend of his on the phone prolly#cause she failed a group or something and had exams in nov he was so calm and logical and sweetly encouraging#i want to hug him sob in his shoulder and have him tell me it'll be okay crack a lame joke to make me laugh 😭😭😭😭#which is way too much wtf dude aise nahi karte hai kaun karta hai ye#also i can't i know this sounds like i like him or something romantically but genuinely i don't 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 he's like a child he's onl#19 yrs old#i just want to have someone who pays attention to the little things and genuinely cares about me#but it isn't for you ivy you'll always feel lonely and empty and isolated because that's just who you ARE
0 notes
Text
Saw old photos of myself. Calvin Orion I love you.
#rian’s slay compilation#I don't know that those of you who've known me for two or so years now remember me too distinctly#my best guess is that I was a lil annoying at times but just like. the inbox guy. there were some hits in there.#anyway fun fact um. also weird as hell as we go towards three years. I was 14. and like idk.#it's strange thinking about how long I've had an identity here and also reflecting on photos and like#I was just a goofy little guy then! and... I still am.#and I'm still mentally ill and now 20% more traumatized (not from here. just like. general bad stuff in life.) but... I stay silly#in all these little photos of me I have goofy ass expressions and even though I know I was super depressed then... I was happy#and... I still am. not always. but the people around me bring me so much joy. and being myself#like. no matter how cringey. bc I know I am soooooo cringe. but it makes me me. and I would never ever changethat.#oh god I'm gonna cry#cal of two years ago stuff is gonna get crazy. but you're gonna meet a lotta new people (some good. some bad. most human.) and it'll#rock your world#oh. and you're beautiful.#and I love you#and I do not say it out of pity but out of the deepest. most sincere regions of my heart.
0 notes
Text
multi-character drabble.
includes cheating, alcohol consumption, adult themes so, mdni.
you don't understand why he's dating your best friend. you're so much better than her. you make him a wholesome breakfast when she has to rush to see a friend, you drive him home when he gets drunk, crying about how he's probably never going to find anyone who loves him as much as he loves them, and you bring him hot soup when he wakes up with a hangover.
when he comes over to see her and she suddenly has to see a friend of hers, refusing to mention the name when you ask, you keep him company...ordering takeout, pouring drinks, and talking for hours, before she comes back, a little too happy, starting to be handsy as she sits on his lap, "c'mon, baby, wan' you so bad" his slightly conflicted eyes stare at your disappointed ones for a minute before taking her to bed, leaving you alone on the couch.
on his birthday, which his lovely girlfriend almost forgets about, you gift him that video game he'd been wanting for so long...you, stand in the long line in the heat to get your hands on it before it sells out. "heard you talking about it last month, so i thought it'll be a good gift for your birthday."
and it was. which is why, to thank you, he invited you over to his place, something about wanting to teach you how to play it...but you didn't care much about that, did you?
you'd gotten yourself a bikini wax the day before, so you opted for a manicure and pedicure right now, choosing the color red to paint on your nails. that was his favorite. he'd told you that when he saw you in your body-hugging, red tube dress at his birthday party. "seeing you in that color is...dangerous...makes me wanna do things i shouldn't..."
so you weren't delusional...sure, you weren't a good best friend, but she didn't deserve him...he was so sweet, so kind, so hot, so perfect, and that bitch, she cheated on him, multiple times, laughing as she told you about it.
"t-thank you-fuck..." he whispered, his cold breath hit your cunt, planting a quick kiss on your ankle, as his fingers spread your sticky cum across your folds, making a mess before he plopped them in his mouth, sucking your slick off...he looked into your teary eyes, taking his fingers out and leaning forward to kiss you, letting you taste yourself.
as he distracted you with his kiss, his cock easily slipping inside of your slippery entrance, smiling as you gasped into the kiss. so tight. so warm. so perfect. "y'er s-so good, y/n...so good to m-me, fuck i think i'm in love with you-"
eren jaeger, nagi, gojo satoru, reo, suna rintarou, hiori, isagi yoichi, rin, chifuyu matsuno. + your favs <3
© starreo 2023. do not copy, translate or repost .
#gojo smut#bllk smut#nagi smut#eren smut#jjk smut#nagi x reader#jjk x reader#gojo satoru#blue lock smut#eren x reader#reo smut#isagi smut#suna smut#hiori smut#rin smut#chifuyu smut#anime smut#tokyo rev smut#hq smut#tw.dark content#tw.cheating#tw.breeding#bllk#mdni#nsfw. drabbles :p#starreo
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
physically feeling the jealousy invading my every senses
#trying to compensate for my loneliness with plants and collecting as many as i can#and yet im still not satisfied and im tired of going to sleep and waking constantly thinking about how i could die#and no one would notice which might not be true ik but it's still my biggest insecurity and im tired of crying alone#and not having anyone at all to comfort me#and it's actually hard to breathe and something has been sitting on my chest restricting it for so long and it's so lonely#and i genuinely might die from the pain some day soon#growing up like this so isolated from my peers god i feel so stupid i want friends is that really too much to ask#such a first world problem mayhaps which makes me feel even shittier bc it's the biggest thing that eats at me inside out these days#no one ever understands. ever. and they say they do but they dont because how could they they havent lived a day in my shoes#and it's all just so so lonely#idk whatever#it'll all pass soon#i cant talk to anyone#im always the one listening to what's happening around me and no one bothers listening bc why would they they cant relate#they're not interested#at this point i dont even know how to socialize and i try to but it doesnt work and no one cares enough to reach out to me#and one girl did but i didnt know how to reply or handle it and now she's gone too#and now my closest friend is my five year old sister how funny is that#my contact list is so so so damn long and yet none of those numbers and names would care#or they would ik that but it doesnt feel like they would remember#ignore this im just trying to cope#i thought i was okay i was seven months clean#not anymore#of course not#bc nothing is ever simple
1 note
·
View note