#if i sound self absorbed it is bc i am

[bunnihearted]

me because people never talk to me and just leave me alone to break down and let me feel like a stupid worthless little child who can never do anything right and isnt even worth talking it out with

[zouisexo]

.

[aquarivenus]

can't stop alienating my friends even tho im doing better bc im still antisocial af and terrible at. just being a friend lmao like i genuinely love and care about them and want to be supportive but idk how to be normal about it

[indigodawns]

.

[opaleyedprince]

new oc just dropped

[the-music-maniac]

How fucked up would it be if Sefikura got Hanahaki? Either one of them. That ship is already toxic AF (affectionate) but imagine the HAVOC.

I'm gonna ramble a bit so I can get the brain worms out but feel free to correct me on any plot points, or character interpretations: I've absorbed all this shit from watching walkthroughs (cause I'm broke and video games are expensy) and I haven't finished watching yet. I'm also playing it fast and loose with when this occurs in canon - I have no idea tbh. My interpretations are probably influenced by fandom already cause I've been reading posts and fanfics, and I am aware that this is SO self indulgent, so again. Biased viewpoint here.

Also since I'm aware that sefikura is a controversial ship even with the ship's popularity and age, if you don't like it, that's fine, just block me or scroll on.

I can see the story being more interesting if Seph is the one to get the disease. Mostly because, while I understand his obsession with Cloud is quite complex and not really there bc of romantic reasons (Cloud has S-cells, Seph kinda just views Cloud as his to control I assume, plus Cloud is useful to him, and the fact that Sephiroth has a god complex a mile wide and Cloud was somehow able to beat him as a mere trooper, etc. etc.) I do think for an individual like Sephiroth, that level of obsession is likely the closest he's going to get to love, or at least a blurring of the lines between love and hate. I don't think he really feels that emotion much anymore, especially not after the first time he died, but whatever he DOES feel for Cloud could be strong enough and close enough in shape for something like Hanahaki to latch onto.

Sephiroth's course of action in response would be interesting to see. Hanahaki weakens the individual, which is something Seph is probably not gonna stand for, even if he has enough hubris that he doesn't think he'll die from it. Maybe similar to the degeneration Genesis was experiencing? There's a thought. I honestly think Sephiroth would find it more intolerable if he reaches a stalemate with the disease, not enough to kill him, but enough to weaken him to the point where it hurts his pride and gets in the way of his plans. That seems like it would grate on him more than the threat of death, which doesn't stick anyways.

Sephiroth's go-to in that situation (upon exhausting other avenues - the first and easiest being, y'know. Murder) would probably be to try the puppet route - force Cloud into feeling that reciprocating emotion. Which like. It doesn't work like that Sephy. And here's where it could get really dark if you were so inclined to write it that way, but I'm not in the mood for that right now so I'm gonna say this - that course of action would bring up a lot of PTSD for Cloud obviously, but a perplexing point would be if Sephiroth just y'know. Succeeded in controlling and forcing that emotion for a bit and then upon realizing Hanahaki doesn't work like that - immediately releases his control. Cloud is left there, sound of mind again and fucked up in the mental health but ultimately unharmed and very confused.

Second course of action, good old fashioned manipulation. Here is where it would probably get convoluted though, while I don't think Sephiroth would go down the full on cracky shit of trying to woo Cloud or anything like that (keep in mind up until now, I don't think the nature of Sephiroth's emotions for Cloud are necessarily romantic, so that's not where the Hanahaki is stemming from, or at least not at the beginning - since we are talking about Sefikura and I do like the romance even if I acknowledge it's a little out there in terms of canon. I'm aware he says some provocative shit, but I think that's to get a reaction - it's taunting more than flirting. So, I don't think it would necessarily occur to Sephiroth to do anything romantic here), I do think Sephiroth would be forced to do shit that's actually helpful. His world domination plans are at a standstill cause he's too weak to enact them, and he's trying to get some sort of reciprocation that's enough for the disease to be satisfied, so even if he doesn't give a shit and thinks it's stupid and a waste of time, he studies Cloud and his friends and their movements and acts accordingly to help. Probably in the most violent way possible, granted. Sending Cloud into more confusion.

What I do find interesting is if Cloud finds out what's happening. Fear in response to learning about possibly romantic feelings on Sephiroth's end is probably unavoidable with how fucked up their in game relations are (Sephiroth's attentions are not exactly kind), but once Cloud realizes the nature of those emotions are not romantic (and therefore not r*pey - while I do have a vested interest in avoiding that, I also don't think it's in character for Seph. He always struck me as someone who either didn't have interest in intercourse for its own sake or just never felt safe enough to try when he was still sane) ironically? I can see Cloud eventually feeling guilty. Because his first reaction would obviously be relief or even happiness at the fact that this is weakening Sephiroth and may potentially lead to his death, and I do believe that would be genuine relief. At the beginning there is no guilt. Just fury at the audacity and a vindictive type of happiness. And then the guilt stems from the insidiousness of a disease like this, as Sephiroth keeps being helpful, and seeing the reality of an individual who no longer acts untouchable like a God, suffering. Not beating the enemy by any honest means but by the simple fact that Cloud despises Sephiroth, and something is responding to that and doing the dirty work for him. And then, feeling guilty about feeling guilty bc he should be happy about keeping Seph contained and unable to hurt others by any means necessary, but he's not. He seems like the type of hero to spiral like that.

And then of course, as time progresses on, the hatred lessening the longer Sephiroth isn't doing any heinous shit, the worry of no longer being able to hold onto enough of that hatred to keep Sephiroth contained, because Cloud isn't stupid, he KNOWS Sephiroth isn't doing this out of anything genuine, but it's still working because humans are humans who have sympathy for those who look like they're suffering and memories that fade and get overwritten with time and new information. And so Cloud knows the second he lets go of that hatred, Sephiroth will go back to killing, but in the same breath he can't help feeling sympathetic. Knowing the manipulation and still falling for it despite yourself is probably uniquely infuriating and seems like the mindfuckery Sephiroth would enjoy.

Here's the kicker though, Cloud's response to that "not-hatred anymore, but not nearly indifferent enough to be neutral" emotion would probably be paired with him treating Sephiroth better than he was treated by any of the Shinra personnel, barring of course Angeal, Genesis and Zack, without even realizing it. Like Sephiroth was dehumanized for so long, both as a weapon to be used and feared and as a public figure to be idolized and adored - none of that was his own to control - so Cloud extending basic courtesies and concern is going to feel different. Maybe it reminds him of Angeal and Genesis, I dunno. It wouldn't be out of the left field, the disease probably already reminds him of the degeneration. So now he's reminded that he was capable of loving people, once. We don't got time to unpack Sephiroth's mile long list of issues in this post but let's say it actually makes Seph come to a couple epiphanies. If Sephiroth's feelings eventually shift to romantic love while Cloud's feelings are shifting to that not-hatred, not-quite-romantic-yet, but not-indifferent, Sephiroth is y'know. Still gonna be stuck with the disease cause it's not technically reciprocation. That would be hilarious wouldn't it. So let's say that happens and Sephy is confused and Cloudy is also confused at the fact that he's beginning to feel charitable towards Sephiroth but he's still not getting better.

On the contrary, I think he would get worse. Because NOW what the Hanahaki is latching onto is real and genuine love. Yeah, that previous weakening wasn't even the disease at full strength, have fun with that.

I can see Sephiroth getting frustrated at this point cause he doesn't seem well adjusted enough to notice his own feelings shifting and put two and two together, so upon realizing that Cloud feels some level of reciprocation and the disease is getting worse, he probably would just. Leave. And at this point in the story I think what would disturb Cloud the most is if he sees Sephiroth give up entirely. Because consistently, the man has never done that before. Sephiroth has never in all the crazy shit that he's done - given up.

Keep in mind, it's only really possible at this point cause Sephiroth has been feeling like absolute dogshit the entire time. Chronic pain wears on you, and for someone who has been inhumanly healthy and then the equivalent of a God, that constant exhaustion and weakness, the choking on your breaths and pain in your chest, and then being so sure of a solution and having hope, only for it to not work and to even get worse - also Seph doesn't have good coping mechanisms clearly - he gives up. And I think this is the push Cloud might need for his own feelings to shift.

And how fucked up would it be if the hanahaki flowers were sent by Aerith though. I don't think she would do that maliciously, but as a way to test if there's any hope for Sephiroth. She maybe didn't necessarily know it would manifest for Cloud, but just some type of reaction. A way to keep her loved ones safe from him? Weakening but not killing him because Sephiroth pollutes the lifestream if he enters it, and he also won't stay dead and everyone keeps suffering because of it and - basically they're at a stalemate. If there is no hope for Seph, then the flowers would do nothing. If there is, then the flowers may be a chance to change things. Imagine that. Whether or not it's in character for Aerith is up for debate but it would be quite interesting.

So Cloud talking to Aerith and learning that? Learning that things aren't as hopeless for Sephiroth as he had assumed? Another point that may cause Cloud's viewpoint to change. It's hard to deny the authenticity of someone's humanity when it's literally killing them.

And since my entire reason for liking Sefikura is partially because Sephiroth's backstory upsets me (most of it's because it's just an interesting dynamic, but the fact that Seph was made to be a weapon, abused throughout his entire life with little to no bodily autonomy nor freedom, thought he had been betrayed by two of the only people he loved, and then manipulated until he went insane, and is now never going to be free of Jenova or his anger and hatred because he gave into his worst demons - that makes me sad. So, admittedly I got into sefikura because of time travel fix-its where Cloud goes back and tries to fix things - which often includes people gradually realizing just how much abuse Sephiroth had suffered, and all the factors that were pushing Seph until he snapped. I mean granted, that doesn't excuse the awful shit he did by any means, but the odds were by every definition, against him from the beginning. The romance was just a large bonus of those fix-its) I'm going to give them a happy ending. Cloud stays there and tries to get Sephiroth back to how he was, and in the process with the amount of time they spend together, and the worry he's been feeling at how Sephiroth is deteriorating, helps push the feelings that are there into fruition. The Hanahaki clears, and Cloud expects to need to fight Sephiroth, expects that he would have to kill him. Sephiroth doesn't - not because he now values humanity or anything because I don't think any amount of redemption is enough for Sephiroth to reach that point, at least not that quickly, that shit would be a lifelong battle - but because he knows Cloud, and he knows he would kill him if he went back to how he was. If it really came down to it, to save the world, Cloud wouldn't hesitate. And once he crosses that line after they've had this dynamic, that's the last betrayal and there would be no going back, no returning. That would be the end, permanently. And he actually wants to stay by Cloud's side. There could be a moment where Sephiroth contemplates it, but in the end his better demons win out, if you wanna add more drama.

I have also thought about what it would be like if Cloud had Hanahaki and it would also be interesting, although the disease type wouldn't quite be the same as for Sephiroth, because Cloud does genuinely hate Seph. So, it would probably be more fucked up - if Sephiroth succeeded in keeping Cloud as a puppet, and that results in a manifestation of Hanahaki because of that forced devotion, since Sephiroth is only using Cloud as a tool. And it ironically weakens Cloud enough that he's no longer useful as a puppet and Sephiroth has to let go. Rinse repeat. Or if Sephiroth is somehow able to use his cells to induce a similar disease in Cloud. That'd be pretty damn fucked up, huh. Compels me though.

Anyways, I dunno if I'll ever use any of these ideas for anything, but it was still interesting to think about. Thank you for reading!

[mcytblrconfessions]

*sighs in sadness* Ocean Queen Lizzie you were too good a character to be released onto the masses who couldn't characterize you well in fanfiction to save your life :(

The joy your story brought me (self-proclaimed number one Ocean Queen fan /hj) is immense, but it does not cancel out the multitudes of fanfiction flattening you into a hollow shell of yourself who only exists as an extension of the men in your life, clogging the LDShadowLady fandom tag and making it nigh-impossible to fin the (rare) fic in which Lizzie is in-character

And trust me, I know. My experiences are born out of pain and sorrow. Deep in the clutches of hyperfixation, I checked the LDShadowLady tag several times every day for months, no filters. I looked at every fic in the tag, and the backlog of fics. I read every fic in the tag, with only a few exceptions for the most truly unstomachable fic. Even as my hyperfixation loosened, I still checked the LDShadowLady tag often, and scrolled through the backlog. I still read every Lizzie centric fic I can find, and a lot that isn't. I still am on a constant search for good Lizzie fic (please: anyone want to recommend any fics? I'm sure there's stuff I'm missing/missed/forgot to bookmark! she doesn't have to be the main character, just significant!)

I have gazed into the abyss. I have absorbed the scope of it. I have written fic on my own.

And yet: the problem is less with the lack of Lizzie fics, and more with the bad ones, the ones that don't actually feature her in any real capacity, which becomes easy to see once you've read a lot of them noticed the pattern, just a combination of sidelining, of mischaracterization, and mischaracterization by omission, that trap that is so easy to fall into.

I can forgive fandom for this to an extent. No fic writer is perfect, this is about the collective patterns. But after a certain point, it starts becoming harder to ignore: the way she is written into fics only to warp around c!Jimmy (sometimes other male characters) with zero regard for her interiority, her agency, her struggles, her potential, in fics that give male side characters these things.

The way she is ignored varies. Sometimes it is the most blatant examples: she is put in a situation in which multiple canon traits/opinions/experiences of hers would obviously be relevant, but all are ignored except supportive sister. Sometimes it is more subtle: it iisn't a plot hole that her being a supportive sister/caring/"strong woman girlboss" (in the way that doesn't actually give her any agency or depth or plot importance, she's still a flat character only there for support, but actually we only write her as a personw with no interior depth or anything interesting bc she's just so cool and competent and perfect there aren't any problems that give us reasons to focus on her or give her like, a character arc or something) is the only thing that comes up in the au, but the fact that the author didn't find anything else about her interesting or worthy of show, never considered showing her in more depth, giving her an arc, giving her choices to make, the fact that over and over again authors decide that the only reason to show her is if she's supporting a guy, grates a whole fucking lot. Mostly, it is more subtle but once you see it you will never stop unseeing it. I try to repeat it but I just sound like a broken record.

Am I going insane for noticing this when nobody else seems to? I worry that, even being mad mostly at the trend and not the individual writers, I am still somehow being too unfair to them. I check my line of thought over and over. Then, once again, I am reading a fic and I can't stop thinking about how it's another fic in the pattern, and I try to find something that isn't and it takes me pages and pages, and I am so angry again. Death by a thousand pinpricks. Driven insane by a thousand lackluster Lizzie portrayals.

It's hard not to feel crazy. People like the Ocean Queen! People don't dislike her character! She just slowly gets flattened, over and over. Never any interest in her depths. (yes I am ocean punning at a time like this)

I am awash in a sea of misery. Every day I think of her and I wish for a world where people liked her better. Where she was the character with a million fics exploring her potential. I think about it and I think about her and I think about my fic for her and the good fics I've read for her and I open another fic where Lizzie is tagged and I hope.

(The pain these fics bring me is immense but the joy I feel about the character is greater, at least. Mostly I think about that. Two sides to everything, how unfortunate/lucky)

Ocean Queen I love you.

[koffing-time]

//YEAHH woo cheese is back!!! hi cheese!!! (i mean. we've been in contact) but YEAHHH CHEESE BLOGS ARE BACK

Hey! You're a Poison-type user! This Trubbish won't leave me alone, and I caught him, so he's mine, I think? Is there any way to make him... smell less trashy? Koffing smell too, right? I know that one. So maybe you have some ideas, especially if you're running a café?

-@say-it-with-sizzle

Hi there! first off: congrats! Trubbish are usually not very social pokémon, so being chosen by a wild one is pretty awesome! (that doesn't mean you smell btw)

So, about his smell:

\\headcanon ahead (also long post so i'll make a cut)

Trubbish, like many Poison Types that have unusual diets (Grimer, Varoom etc), their smell and sometimes their appearance depends a lot on what they eat. I've looked at your blog, you're in Nimbassa right? If you caught your Trubbish there, i'm not surprised he smells atrocious. No offense to the people there, but it's a big city with many events and a lot of waste that is pretty disgusting. Imagine a mixture of burnt fireworks and gasoline from the amusement park and musical as well as greasy makeup, half eaten and spoiling food from sport events and whatever unspeakable things can be found in the battle metro? Sounds familiar bc your Trubbish smells exactly like that? (Be glad you didn't catch him in the sewers of castelia lmao)

Yeah... tl:dr get him on a diet that smells better.

You can easily mix some detergents or soaps (with parfume) into his food, he should be quite capable of digesting it and check if there's some stuff that smells bad that he's eaten. There are two things to consider for Trubbish diet though:

1: they need some sort of toxic compounds for their poison type attacks. You should be able to get him a proper assortment from like, cleaning chemicals. Parfumed detergents and stuff, so there is definitely an option for good smell (don't expect too much though, he won't smell like the flower fields near Opelucid). If he doesn't get any of these compounds, he might get stressed at the lack of self-defense options. He'll possibly also try to scavenge public trash cans or stuff like that, and you don't want that for multiple reasons.

2: Trubbish don't do much digestion. They mostly just absorb whatever they eat directly into their body (bonus of being amorphous i guess?) and it stays there until the energy is used up. This means, they often need rotten or spoiling organic food, (or rather the bacteria and molds and stuff) to help break down their (other) food, so they can use more energy quickly. There are foods that smell TERRIBLE when rotting, and other that are... okay-ish, and depending on what you give him, he'll smell similar. Technically they don't need these organic foods, but if they don't have access to them, they grow lethargic and are generally weaker.

Once you change his diet, he possibly won't change his smell significantly for 3 to 4 weeks though, because the stuff usually stays in their body for a longer time than "regular" pokémon.

That being said, please do provide him a proper toxic diet. I mean, he's basically perfectly happy with playing your trashcan. For real, give him food scraps, empty dish soap bottles and stuff like that (keep in mind the smell of whatever it is though). Only giving him (regular) pokémon-food is almost certainly make his life worse and prone to illness, stress and whatnot.

As for Coffee, my Koffing, it's a similar thing. He smells mostly like, well, coffee, because his diet is mostly that. As a result, he's also entirely non-toxic, because he doesn't eat anything that's toxic in the first place. It's really funny how some of the most toxic pokémon in the wild don't produce any toxins themself and just eat them to use them later. Also, Coffee doesn't feel the need to be toxic (i am definitely happy to provide him a proper toxic diet and he knows this). Your trubbish very likely feels different about self defense. So again, please provide him some toxic stuff.

And a little funfact: Koffing sometimes form competing gangs in bigger cities purely based on smell. Owners of Koffing who smell like a certain part of town have to be careful if they go to another one.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

https://www.tumblr.com/twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat/747570756649730048/httpswwwtumblrcomtwentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat

oh this is actually very tragic though :(((………….. because it means that for suguru to pursue the ‘right’ path, reader has to sacrifice so there will never be a way to stay on the same reality together TT

but!! i think that if reader defects before suguru it would actually be a huge twist 🤔 suguru realizing that reader was going through the same inner crisis as him… at the same time as him… starting to feel guilty about it but now it’s simply too late. him snapping out of it sounds like something he would do— not in a optimistic manner or something, but resembling more a grey character?? hmmmmm like ‘i’m aware this reality sucks, it’s unfair to all of us and the new generations… but i saw a dear friend becoming a servant of such principles and, while i do not condemn reader for their actions, i recognize that is not the optimal way to start a change’ (idk if it makes sense… it’s like putting in a mixer nanami’s and shoko’s reactions after geto’s canonical defection… ??? lmao sorry, i just woke up from a nap TTTT)

also, absolutely loving the inferiority complex factor in here! because i believe that with a powerful duo like stsg, it’s really impossible to not feel like there is a whole mountain of distance that keeps them almost unreachable……… mostly so after the star plasma vessel incident :33 really seated for this fic, i believe you will do amazingly!! 🫶🏼🫶🏼 (btw yes, i sent another anon some time ago but dw! it’s probably old by now and it was a long nonsensical rant so feel free to ignore it ^^)

—🐟🐟🐟

🐟 ANON!!!! you get it…..

that’s exactly my thought too!!! in the same way that suguru is doomed to fall in canon jjk, reader is doomed to fall as long as suguru moves forward. the two of them can’t stay on the same path together :(((( or. well. they will stay on the same path eventually since it’s a fix-it fic of sorts, but suguru avoiding his own defection almost guarantees that reader will defect in his place.

and!! it’s also connected to their inferiority complex…. it’s a parallel to stsg in many ways because in canon, suguru breaks down because he’s isolated and forced to watch satoru grow stronger without him — but in reader’s case they’re all alone and forced to watch the both of them move forward at a speed they can’t possibly catch up to. i don’t know if reader is necessarily special grade, at least not in high school… so it’s just this ugly feeling in their gut that keeps growing :(( i also have a ct planned for them that makes it worse bc. it’s sort of similar to suguru’s own ct in that it’s based on the collection of curses. so the stronger suguru gets, and the more curses he absorbs, the more reader’s potential diminishes. i think they eventually develop a learned helplessness of sorts because of that….. :((((

AND YES . i also think him snapping out of it makes most sense. i think this au’s suguru will be a lot better off than canon sugu, but his own doubts are basically unavoidable— and i think that if reader defects before those doubts grow too big to control, then suguru will have a moment of enlightenment. seeing them turn their back on him, refusing his help, and also seeing so clearly that they aren’t happy. it’d basically ruin any hope he might have that the choice could do him any good.

i also feel like suguru would have a similar realization to satoru, but instead of realizing that there are people he simply can’t save, i think suguru’s thoughts are more along the lines of… i can’t save them the way i am now, so i have to grow stronger. which is obviously a huge motivator for him to become a teacher and work harder!! i don’t know if teacher!suguru still has that ”protect the weak” mindset, but i think he’s matured a lot from his past self. he recognizes the cruelty of the world but he knowns he has allies he can count on, and he’s desperate to save you eventually.

(this is just a sidenote but!! i think suguru is a lot more spiteful than satoru is. after reader dies (before they get the chance to bring you back), i imagine him having a moment where he tells satoru that he can’t help but hate yuuta a little. for hurting you. and i don’t think it ever really goes away, as much as he treasures his students.)

BUT YES . sorry for rambling phspdhs i just….. love this au a whole bunch. and i’m so happy it has your approval 🐟 anon!! 🥺🥺 ilysm, thank you for stopping by <3333

[oraclebell17]

i know nobody asked for this but i am sharing this incredibly self-indulgent thing i wrote in the middle of the night that uses all of my pronouns

Slowly, slowly, slowly, they raised their head up. His body followed with, and he leaned back onto his legs folded underneath. Xyr eyes stared into the empty dark of the room xe was in. He breathed in. She breathed out. She found comfort in the dark, he knew that he did not have to hide in the dark. Xe smiled, gradually bringing their arms up, then stretched them to the side. He sighed and closed her eyes. They shifted and swung their legs over the side of their bed, then stood, already knowing their surroundings like the back of her hand. Blinking, staring into nothing again, xe tilted xyr head back to look at the ceiling. He let out a silent giggle, absorbing the strange feeling. He had repeated this kind of thing over and over in her room, often to music, but now she did it silently. Xyr music was the fan in the other room, her footsteps against the carpet underneath, the neighbor’s wind chimes sounding outside xyr window. They danced to nothing except an imaginary rhythm created by his body. The impulses he drove to externalize, moving as if xe were possessed by a demon. They reveled in the feeling of freedom. Eventually, he laid down upon her bed again, letting xemself relax, a smile still on their face. He wished he could dance forever in the dark, but there was only so much time to allot for this. Xe resigned to sleep. They would always return to dance.

i feel anxious and embarassed still but.......... idk, i really did feel like sharing bc it gave me so much serotonin to write it ehehe

[xumoonhao]

god. the fukcing '''bimbofication''' of modern day feminism (and by modern day i mean mostly the last decade) really did set up back like 80 years and i am Not joking. ppl turning their entire personalities into 'dumb pretty girls who like pink and dresses and makeup and instagram skinny curvy bodies' did, im sure, start as a way to subvert peoples view on being a women because the ppl doing it were, i HOPE, more or less self aware of what they were doing, but its just really done almost no good. like…i feel like people tried to change these things only on the surface, yknow?? like there wasnt a real dismantling of WHY those things were looked down upon in the first place, and because of this everything was just so shallow and superficial that it seemed to be a movement that was a mockery of itself from the very beginning. all it did was repackage stereotypical girlhood for a few years until ppl just Stopped Caring about it, and now its more or less been absorbed by the branch of feminism thats all about 'girlbossification', which is also the branch of feminism that is knocking on the door to terf-dom. like what are we even doing anymore, you guys. i swear most of the '''hot takes''' i see these days is just 'boys are strong and girls are fragile <3' with modern day progressive language and nonsense buzzwords thrown in to make it sound different. like im tired. im just tired and genuinely worried for the kids that are going to grow up in this ''movement''' bc theyre going to see a lot of the shit that was going around years ago that ppl growing up from the 90's-10's almost got out of, bc there was progress for a while but now its just…gone. its so bleak

[ratboychronicles]

intro post because um. i am self absorbed 😁

hi hi helloo!! 🫀🪱🐁🕰️🩻

my name is AJ or Ant, whichever you think sounds cooler :)

i mainly go by he/him but i also use neos (rat/vermin/carrion)

Interests:

Will Wood, of Montreal, Mitski, Jhariah, Machinery of the Human Heart

Camp Here and There ⏳, Identity V 💌, Willard (2003 version mainly) 🐁

rats, bugs, taxidermy/vulture culture 🩻

i enjoy drawing, writing, sculpting and playing guitar (guitar is an extreme generalization bc i play my baritone ukulele and electric guitar the most but i also play bass and standard ukulele) i’m also starting to get into jewelry making :D

currently very obsessed with vulture culture CHNT and idv (save me)

other stuff idk:

i am a different man every day i just tend to refuse to change until i am used to said change (close to never)

i am intrigued by nature, death and decay

i have more teeth than i should (the doctors found 5 wisdom teeth in my face)

ok thats all

another will wood for good measure

[pokckygamewithbatman]

I watched My Adventures with Superman

The title sounds like a porno.

Oh… It's so bad… It's so unbelievably terrible. I really wanted to have faith that it would at least be decent. Even if it was a copy paste of the 1979 animated series that would've been fine with me but this is actually trash. HIS POWERS MANIFEST WHEN HE'S A TEEN, HE'S NOT SCARED TO MEET HIS HOLOGRAM ALIEN PARENTS, HIS PARENTS ARE SUPPORTIVE OF THE FACT THAT HE'S ADOPTED, LOIS IS COOL AND AN ACTUAL PART OF THE PLANET, JIMMY IS NOT SMOOTH. What are they doing to these characters I don't care that Lois is Korean, and that Jimmy is black, I honestly don't give a shit just make them good characters SHOWING DIVERSITY IN SHITTY SHOWS DOESN'T AUTOMATICALLY MAKE THE SHOW GOOD IT JUST GIVES A BAD REP TO DIVERSIFYING CHARACTERS.

I am so sad they sped up his backstory, I'm so sad they're starting with all 3 of them as interns, I'm so sad that Clark's powers are manifesting so slowly, I'm so sad that he doesn't make his suit, why can't he control his strength that's the power he's had the longest, why are they completely ignoring his super hearing, why is Lois a tomboy, why is Jimmy so into aliens, who is the lady who stole the robots? Is she supposed to be Metallo? If not then where is Metallo? Why hasn't the superpowered character actually defeated any villains yet, why is Superman so weak?? Why does he get a black eye, why do his powers fully manifest when Lois is in danger, why so they speed up the chemistry of Lois and Clark it takes YEARS before they get close and start dating and get married. Why is Jimmy pushing Lois and Clark who hard, how old are they supposed to be exactly? Also why are they making all the superpowered villains kids with tech? That angle is so crappy and takes away so much of the awesomeness? Why is Silver Banshee a preteen with a magic helmet she's not Elmer Fudd why am I here.

One thing that super pissed me off is Ivo. THIS SHOW IS TRYING TO TELL ME THAT 1. IVO IS A DOUCHEBAG 2. HE CREATED PARASITE 3. PARASITE ISN'T THE RESULT OF BIOCHEMICALS BUT IS ACTUALLY A TECHY ASS SUIT 4. THAT RUDY JONES ISN'T PARASITE 5. THAT PARASITE DOESN'T ABSORB POWERS BUT SIMPLY REFLECTS THEM BACK AT THE OPPONENT. Also the suit itself doesn't make any sense and is a total rip off of Green Beetle's design in Young Justice, just trust me, also why does it look like an insect? Parasite doesn't have ties with insects, like kinda in the way that he's resilient I guess, but that's about it yk. But wait something that's actually interesting happens: For some reason, completely unexplained (maybe the assistant/Lois and Jimmy messed with buttons), the suit turned on Ivo and when Superman ripped it there was a shriveled man underneath omgggg BUT we don't even get to savour that bit of somewhat interesting plot bc OH MY GOD LOIS FIGURES OUT SUPERMAN IS CLARK KENT ON EPISODE 4.

Side note: the animation and art style is so lazy, and the S that symbolizes peace or sumn I don't remember on his suit is barely legible?? Also where's the S shaped hair piece because that shit is iconic.

Look at these two designs. Just look at it.

Here's why the title "My Adventures with Superman" is the worst possible title for this show: This isn't from the audience's perspective, it's from Superman's perspective, and he's not having adventures with himself, also Adventures implies an episodic series, and this is definitely trying to have a long running plot; key word "trying", also adventures with superman makes him sound like your friendly neighbourhood hero, man could crush a mountain easily he's no neighbourhood nothing and It also implies he's not even the main character; that a self insert audience character would be but like I said that's not the case. Superman: The Animated Series is straight forward, not fucking around we're doing a show about The Man, it's animated, there you go. This show however is so dumb it hurts my brain. They've done nothing right.

I enjoyed Steve. Steve is at least halfway accurate, I'll give them that.

I fucked up and deleted like half of my post and it won't come back, so even thought there's SO much more about how stupid Lois is, why Amanda Waller is keeping close personal tabs on Superman is she's the leader of Cadmus, why are there Teen Titans villains in this show (ie, Slade/Deathstroke and The Brain and M. Mallah), and why is Wheatley and therapist gorilla in this show, who are they? Are they meant to be my beloved assholes Brain and Mallah?

I had to stop watching after I saw the Brain and Monsieur Mallah, it hurt too much. They took away my machine gun beret monkey.

[villanevehaus]

okay. 2 asks in one because efficiency ! i ask the post purchase payment thing because it was also literally 2 am and i was so not present so it sounded a lot more interesting than it actually was. also i had that thing where trixie mattel says klarna in a swedish accent stuck in my head. off topic but second-lee i wanted to inquire on how you keep up motivation to write ?? i wrote so much when i was younger but now its like i have 9 million google docs with 6 words each - letterboxdanon

the first part of this made me laugh so hard out loud oh my god? u rly said this is probably interesting, slam 'send ask'. sidebar i love swedish and am lazily learning it! altho im focusing WAY more on regaining my french now bc im moving to The French Part of canada soon.

secondable ive kind of sort of touched on this in some of the lengthy asks ive answered about my writing process (i think they're just tagged "process" if youre interested) but it feels moreso like a drive that needs to be released rather than a goal to achieve or a task to do. i can probably count the amount of days ive gone without opening docs over the past year or so on two hands, but thats not because im Pushing myself to write or because im trying to #riseandgrind, its really just because i enjoy it and it feels almost already under my skin. i am also a visual artist and i can really only liken that feeling to the push/pull to create a piece until it calms down a bit.

on a less internally-me-oriented note, id say deadlines and variety. sure, my fic deadlines are self imposed, but it helps my brain segment my time and see it as an attainable point in the future. i can work backwards from the "due date" like i already do in classes! variety means kind of like if im not really clicking with fucked up murder cannibals, i can hop over to 50s western sweetness- or maybe an undoing, or cleaning up a document for kofi, or peeking around individual scenes just for fun. reading, also!!!!! one of my favourite ways to think about creativity and creation is that you cant wring out a dry sponge, so maybe youre in the step of the process where you stay still and absorb

they changed docs's ui like 2 days ago and im still propa fumin abawt it, luv

[askaborderline]

Just want to vent and maybe look for a piece of advice

Been like horrendously awful at work and am struggling to keep up with anything and it feels like every day I'm not improving. I am trying but I must not be trying enough. All i get is criticism and derision most of the time and sometimes even power harassment and subtle bullying and it's like I can't do anything and i just feel so tired and useless. Like it just makes it obvious to me how mentally ill i am. And I've been thinking of getting a new job by the end of my contract (6 months) but I'm just doubting whether I'd be accepted anywhere decent. And i just can't get along easily w most of my coworkers it's hard to socialize and be interested in things. I'm never fully comfortable w "being myself" and being open bc of my sexuality. I feel stupid and whiny and that i must not be trying hard enough, and even in online friend communities i keep messing up (was server anon) and there are stuff going on at home too, so i just feel so isolated and alone. Like i feel paranoid just sharing how i feel internally on my personal twitter bc I've been called self centered and self absorbed for it. It's like, well I'm the only person who can focus on and prioritize myself you know. More and more I've been struggling to trust and be okay with other people and everything just feels so impossible to navigate, socially. And it's like, can I even survive living in society? Every day it's like another reason I'm not fit for it

Hi anon,

You're not self-absorbed for having these feelings, and anyone saying so really needs to re-evaluate themselves. I understand what you mean about not feeling fit for society, as someone who can't work or do many things on my own for a multitude of reasons. You don't owe anyone your time or devotion, so they need to give you some space - if they can't, you need to give them some space and find people that appreciate you and your clear and obvious efforts.

Also, it does sound to me like trying to get a new job should be your best bet. I believe in you :)

[cheeseandbretboy]

the painting i continued (from longer than a year ago) has too bright white highlights so i need to get rid of them AND quite possibly it would be nice to just give up and do whaeter and get on the train just ot look at all the stations i havent seen before nd cvt and listten to whip your kids on repeat again and again and have no money to afford to eat and find someone who is just so ?? and mean but not in that non self absorbed self absorbed way and stupid because everyone has too much to look forward to and too much to complain about and that makes everyone so yucky and hypocritical and ughghurejne me whenni have work tmr ALSO need to print out more movie photos AND anyone i meet gets so human and i get sick of them so easily but not myself so i will always be alone and thats a good thing unless im not listening to music then it is not so good bc i can hear my breathing an feel my skin also what even is life without music its just ------------------ no ty i do not want to be like amber or ritchie but oh i did thrift their shoes and also jasons but hes kind of an L WAIT that makes so much sense anyway that scene where they are walking in the store with the heavy combat boots that have been discontinued (why?) and a shotgun wow! imagine being tricked by a soda can what a loser anyway the sehleves ive built are really nice and after doing that with hands blistered and joints sore i realised i can fit everythign insdie it and oh god im gonna lose absolutely everything! and thn something even WoORSE hit me that none of this even means anytnign, what the flip, imagine this format will stop and we only live in the real world what then maybe just maybe musicals make sense and then i bash my head into my desk HOW COULD U FOR A SECOND THINK MUSICALS ARE OKAY blood is spurting just likein that scene in longlegs dilf, jokes no maybe nicholas cage hes too pasty this has gotten long uve recently discovered this rly underground and unpopular artist michael jackson yea nobodies really heard of him sigh WHY DO I HAVEA FRENCH BOOK OH GOD IM GOING TO HELL people should put everything ive ever ever made into a bible because that is all i am and i am so happy that is true so yea put this in as well and all my assigmnets and paintings and digital art from 2019 and old drawings and scribbles and south park doodles and short stories ad gore and all the deleted notes of measurrements (sigh why phone) and dont forget all the photos and the annotations i rubbed out later cuz they sounded dumb and too personal remember always to make ur writing as obscure as possible because people always look to make everything about them hey emotions are really stupid our brains are amazing at finding information so much of it but our conciousness is preoccupied with other stupid stuff like education and being horny so all we get is emotions that have been processed information so hey our thinking brain really is in the back seat and we cant change it yk im bnad! im bad! u knowit really really bad megamind... evan peters is eyeing me rn.. i did a really good job of diverting my mental problems its actually really good but i am hoping we can get back to them once they get fixed and maybe this dependence wiol go away too right maybe and wait a darn second are you telling me i wont find myself a tim burton anti hero what the flip unbelievable may i get a refund never sell your doc martens just break them in please the blisters and pus and blood will pass and they will be great i swear unless theyre the max platform types then u might have to keep getting pain but thats okay god dont tell me i need to work in the future although when i watched the movie for the 2nd time in cinemas there was 3 seconds where there was a doctor with a mask and wowww maybe i shld become one of those but i dontthink i have the right motivation maybe neurobiology maybe quantum mechanics mabe maybe even both like quantum mind god thats interesting but only after biology i need to get worried abt climate change and then realise OH MY GOD NOTHING MATTERS BUT OUR MINDS and thats