#if i rewatch you i think i’ll throw up and have a panic attack

[angryteapott]

rereading my extraordinary attorney woo posts is crazy because each one starts with “I’m not autistic but” even though my first visceral reaction was of course we all WANT to act like that but we cannot. Because that is not how one interfaces.

[duckymcdoorknob]

DUCKY PLEASE CAN I HAVE A LARGE ICED COFFEE WITH EXTRA ICE WITH CHOCOLATE SHAVINGS PLEASEEEEEEEE?

THE NAMES ON THE ORDER ARE REKI AND LANGA.

I LOVE YOU

ANON I LOVE YOU TOO

I JUST REWATCHED SK8 WITH MY WIFE SO IM IN A GOOFY LITTLE SK8 MOOD

I HOPE YOU ENJOY

As a professional Reki Kinnie, we’re gonna do some Reki comfort 😎😎

I had to throw in some Joe and Reki moments too! I love the two of them as a familial pairing so much. Joe is Reki’s big bro FR.

♫ -ᥕᥲі𝗍ᥱr, ᥕᥲі𝗍ᥱr, ⍴ᥱrᥴ᥆ᥣᥲ𝗍᥆r- ☕️

CW BELOW THE CUT: Sadge Reki, light panic attack symptoms

Now, he knows what your thinking. Langa should’ve just been a big boy and communicated his feelings to Reki. But, he didn’t want to make his best friend worry to death about him. What he wasn’t expecting were the repercussions of the secret being kept.

How did this all happen?

Reki had just watched Langa finally nail his trick. It took the new skater quite a few tries, and it was quite obvious that he was frustrated.

Regardless, the redhead threw his arms around his best friend excitedly, damn near jumping him onto the ground.

Langa grimaced at the contact, leading the other boy to instantly remove himself.

“Langa?” His eyebrows furrowed as a pout found its way to his lips.

“Don’t worry about it, Reki.” The blue-haired boy replied with a faint smile.

That was enough for Reki to enter overthinking mode. What did he do? Was someone hurting Langa? Was Langa hurt and didn’t want to tell him? Did Langa not like him anymore? What if? What if? What if?

“Sorry!” He chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck in a sudden meekness. “I just got a little excited, that’s all.”

“…Right.” Langa replied in a quiet monotone.

The redhead’s heart seized at the response. He fumbled his phone out of his pocket, opening any apps possible to feign getting a message.

“Oh man, mom needs me home. The twins got into the pantry and there’s applesauce all over the floor.” Reki sighed and faked a smile toward his best friend. “You know how babies can be eheh…”

“Don’t worry about it. Just let me know if everyone’s okay.”

“Right! I’ll let you know, see ya later!”

Reki’s should’ve known to actually going home. But, he didn’t know what else to do, so he went to see the person he knew would always have his back. He tried to keep his emotions in, but his mind was swimming, and he was quite honestly panicking.

With shaking hands, he pulled open the door to Sia La Luce. The restaurant was quite busy, given the time of the day. He was about to turn back around to deal with his emotions outside when he heard a voice over his shoulder.

“How many for- Reki? Why aren’t you in school?” Joe appeared from behind the kitchen, wiping his hands with a towel. “Reki?”

The redhead turned around, revealing the tears dripping down his cheeks, and the choked sobs he was barely managing to keep inside.

Joe’s gaze softened as he placed a reassuring hand on he boy’s shoulder. Reki closed his eyes and leaned into the contact, leading the older man to move his hand down to the small of his back.

The green-haired male observed the patrons in his restaurant, noticing that they were either finishing up their food, or hadn’t ordered yet. “I’m sorry to do this so suddenly, but I have a family emergency, and I need everyone to please leave.” Joe’s voice was calm, yet demanding, making the people realize he meant business.

Within five minutes, all of the patrons had left the building, leaving their bill money behind on the table. Joe turned to the crying boy and held both of his hands, “I’m right here, Reki. Take a minute, deep breaths.”

The younger male sniffled as he gasped in shallow breaths. His eyes were squeezed shut, tears leaking from them. He leaned forward quickly, letting his forehead collide with Joe’s chest. The older male didn’t hesitate to securely wrap the boy in a hug.

“Reki? What’s-“

“Langa ha-hates me.” the redhead choked, “He-He has to. He’s n-not himself.”

“I doubt he hates you.” Joe soothed, “Something must be up with him. I promise that everything is gonna be okay, okay?”

Reki sniffled and nodded as he leaned into the embrace. Joe whispered reassurances to him as he gently rubbed circles into the boy’s back. With his free hand, he took out his phone to text Kaoru a 911, only to hesitate with his thumb over the send button, noticing that the man had done the same.

Langa must’ve went to talk to him.

The two older men texted their plans, and within ten minutes all four of them were inside the restaurant. Reki hid his gaze from Langa, not wanting to piss his friend off.

“Okay, the two of you need to talk, right now.” Cherry noted, a secure hand on Langa’s shoulder.

“Reki I-“

“Langa I-“

The two spoke simultaneously, ceasing to let the other finish.

“Reki, talk.” Joe demanded.

“Langa I’m really sorry if I did anything to make you hate me I really don’t want to ruin our friendship and I’m just honestly really terrified of losing you because you’re one of my only friends and-“

“Reki.” Langa’s eyes were sympathetic, “Did I really scare you that badly? I’m so sorry!”

The redhead cocked his head as he blinked away threatening tears. “What does that mean?”

Langa sighed in remorse as he ran up to his friend, wrapping him in a hug. “When you jumped on me, you leaned on my bad shoulder. When I fell the time before landing it, I really messed up my shoulder. I didn’t want to tell you and make you worry, but now I see that I was wrong.”

Reki chuckled as he wiped his eyes “Did you really think that would work?”

“At first, yes. But now, no.” Langa couldn’t help but giggle too. “I’m really sorry, again. I should’ve just told you.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad you don’t hate me or anything. From now on, no more secrets.”

“No more secrets.”

“How touching.” Cherry announced, “Have the two of you sorted things out? I’m not keen on keeping my shop abandoned this long.”

The two boys apologized as they looked at the ground.

“C’mon, Kaoru. I’m sure you have time to spare 15 minutes for a family emergency.” Joe teased.

“Family emergency…” the pink-haired male grumbled. He looked at the two boys and couldn’t help the smile that teased at his lips. “And what a wonderful family it is.”

—————♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎—————

[extasiswings]

you last post, yeah, exactly. i cannot tell you how many times i saw people complaining about the "lack" of eddie dealing with his trauma or how the show is ignoring it (which for anyone who can observe and notice things it's clear that's not the cause, he's clearly getting worse and worse and close to a breaking point, people just think that trauma can only be show as one single thing, that a person reacting and dealing with their trauma is always in the same specific way) and god it's so frustrating, like, can't you wait? just wait? if not for 5a to be over, then to s5 to be over, or the show to be over, so you can say with certain and with facts that you were right and pat yourself on the back? it's very annoying and that's why i'm mostly on here when it comes to the show, it's way more positive and the experience that i'm curating has being really great and fun. and i would like to thank you because you make things really clear with you galaxy brain. it's a joy being in this part of the fandom, with you and everyone, y'all are lovely!

Oh my god, exactly. I genuinely want to ask people sometimes if we’re watching the same show because come on.

Eddie Diaz has been repressing shit for 30 years. He “doesn’t panic”, he “picks himself up and keeps moving forward.” “Warzones are [his] thing.” This is a man who felt like his only outlet for the guilt and shame and grief and anger he felt after his wife died was to join a secret street fighting club because he wasn’t allowed to just feel those feelings and talk about them and process them in a normal, healthy way. This is a man who thinks that in order to be a good parent, he has to have his shit together and be in control 100% of the time so having panic attacks? Actually acknowledging or processing his trauma? Lol no, he’s not gonna do that.

What we saw at the beginning of the season was Eddie having panic attacks that were clearly about both Ana AND the shooting (the scene of Eddie freezing on the air traffic control call, my beloved), but Eddie insisting they were exclusively about Ana. And Ana was the easiest thing he could deal with—he broke up with her and it was slapping a bandaid on a bullet hole (no pun intended). He stopped having panic attacks, he was able to reset his walls and defenses a little bit.

But yeah, he’s absolutely breaking down. He was exhausted and fraying in the hospital in Home and Away. He kept it together during the hostage situation but started to snap near the end after Mitchell shot himself and then distanced himself from everyone and ended the episode once again exhausted and fraying climbing into Christopher’s bed. He came as close to having a public breakdown as we’ve arguably ever seen from him in Defend in Place (because again THIS IS NOT A MAN WHO HAS PUBLIC BREAKDOWNS! HE BARELY EVEN HAS PRIVATE BREAKDOWNS!).

Eddie is not okay! And they have been twisting the knife and turning up the tension by throwing him into situation after situation with injured/dying/dead children no less. And they have simultaneously let the will and the shooting hang out there over everything in this agonizing silence of “Things Buck and Eddie Are Not Talking About”. And now we’re getting Christmas and an emotional/upset Christopher? Hello????

Anyway…yeah, they’re not ignoring his trauma, they’re not ignoring the shooting or the will, but there are 9 episodes left in the season and Eddie’s long-held coping mechanisms of repression and “I will keep all my feelings right here and then one day I’ll die” are not going to go quietly into that good night. And if you expected them to, idk what to say other than maybe rewatch S2-4 again.

(I’m so glad I can contribute to making a positive space for you! Thanks!)

[theyapper0]

Amphibia season 1 rewatch + notes :)

So I just finished rewatching the ENTIRE season 1 of Amphibia and I have some notes on the episodes that stood out to me! There are some quick notes, a couple lengthy analyses and even some headcanons sprinkled in! It's like a written stew of season 1! I'll be doing a written Amphiba stew for season 2 too!!

It's kinda long so you could just skip this or hit the keep reading button and give it a read! 

S1: E2 Cane Crazy

Anne shows general disregard over other people's things

(Mimicking Hop Pop and breaking his cane, throwing all the wood carving things that Loggle made, even a coo coo clock that she even said was nice (And for him to say it took 20 years to make right after she broke it))

S1: E2 Flood, Sweat and Tears 

Anne would be the WORST during sleepovers and I LOVE IT!!! My girl is just being a tween, staying up late, playing would you rather and keeping everyone else up. I think that's ADORABLE and now I'm thinking about how sleepovers might've been back home with her, Sasha and Marcy… 

She also just stays up late in general?? She reads dumb magazines and eats CRUNCHY snacks. She is really just 13,,,

And it looks like Sprig does it too, not as much as Anne (probably because he is younger than her) but it seems like it has to be in his terms. Before, he looked to be annoyed with it when he was trying to sleep. But, if he was awake, like in the beginning or at the end of the episode, he had no problem staying up playing would you rather!!! 

S1: E3 Hop Luck 

Anne: Old things are dumb! 

And 

Anne:* violently GRABS Sprig and shoves him against the wall* don't you DARE talk about pineapple in my pizza… Ever…

Anne: 

Sprig: 

Anne: Okay! Let's go get these ingredients! 

HHHH ANNE!!! I love this funky little child SO MUCH!!! 

Hop Pop loves these kids so much that he was willing to put aside his old, traditional family recipes in exchange for making pizza with them. My heart is gonna explode I'm-

Anne please don't make your surrogate frog brother get married just to get some pizza dough I'M BEGGING YOU-

S1: E3 Stakeout 

Hop Pop: I'm a crisp 68!

Is Hop Pop actually 68 or does he mean more of 68 going on 80 68? Either way he looks great! 

Anne has Blam Berry Blitz ("the drink that punches you in the face and doesn't stop") in her bag along with all the OTHER stuff we already saw (air pump, toe nail clipper, pencils, cat toys, bath bombs, etc)

Anne is officially those friends that have EVERYTHING in their bag no matter what. 

I really like the relationship between Anne and Hop Pop, how they both in some way yearn for what was but in different ways (Anne wanting to go home and Hop Pop's olden ways when he was a little pollywog) but are still similar in how they try to remember. They try and try and try to keep what little family/friends they have safe and protected. They love the relationships they've formed with other people (And with each other) and would go great lengths to help and protect them!

Also I MAY be looking way too into it buuuut was Boulder-Tron (that rock dude that Polly hallucinated at the end) supposed to foreshadow Frobo??

S1: E4 Taking Charge 

Okay quick one, Anne nearly having a whole ass panic attack when her phone dies because she couldn't look at her photos or videos of home actually made me sad. This girl is only a CHILD and her entire home and everything is gone and she for real thought she couldn't ever get it back,,, 

Hop Pop: I mean, the part where the island itself is revealed to actually be…!

Sprig: No! 

Polly: Don't!

Anne: Spoilers 

I dunno why and again, I MIGHT BE LOOKING TOO DEEPLY INTO THIS, but maybe this is foreshadowing something with the land of Amphibia? That maybe there is more to this crazy land than we know? Maybe even a reason it, along with all the other universes even exists??? 

S1: E5 Breakout Star 

AHSBWJOA ONLY EPISODE 5 AND ANNE ALREADY HAS HER PHONE'S LOCK SCREEN OF THE PLANTER FAMILY I'M-

S1: E7 Dating Season 

Anne said that ⅔ of ALL soul mates start out as "just friends" 

…

I'm looking at you, team Sashannarcy 

S1: E7 Anne vs. Wild 

Hop Pop's behavior at the end of the episode when Anne finally shows them the calamity box is awfully sus…

He doesn't say anything but "may I?" To inspect the box and then is like "Nope, never seen it" I just feel like he knows something and then adding onto it with the whole burying it to protect his family just sounds like… he definitely knows something, maybe not a lot but there is something he's not telling the others 

Also, why would a book that HE has have information on the Calamity box?? 

(I fully support the Dr. P was a Planter and also possibly the pink frog who was friends with King Andrias theory)

S1: E10 Toad Tax 

At this point, Anne said that she has already been in Amphibia for over a month now. 

(And damn, Sasha's been in prison for like a month,,, yikes)

Also Hop Pop teaching Anne how to pay taxes is so adorable, she really is part of this family now guys,,,

And I love how Anne was able to win over the Wartwood people by being her natural, charming and not to mention caring self. Anne, like Marcy and Sasha, can be selfish because honestly what kid, especially a 13 year old, isn't. 

But what matters is that she always tries to make up for it. 

Yes she did join the arguably sketchy toads into getting the taxes from everyone in order to feel somewhat included in ANYTHING, but while she was doing it, she knew it was wrong. Anne knew it was wrong and tried to give back some of the stolen stuff. Hell, even at the end she risked her safety to protect people she felt didn't even LIKE her, like, Anne literally broke her arm from them because that's just how Anne is. 

S1: E10 Prison Break 

I always forget how like,,, SUPER cunning Sasha is. I mean, she was able to talk FIVE toads into quitting within a WEEK as a PRISONER. Like?? 

Grime: That's not a bird. It's a heron, a murderous predator that happens to love the taste of flesh 

Sasha: Cute 

The lines in this show I'M-

So Anne was a varsity tennis player and Sasha was a cheerleader and did Tai Chi. I still can't believe they were both jocks,,, 

(Well, Sasha I get but Anne? Sweet ol' lil baby with the lanky limbs Anne???) 

Hey um, why the FUCK does Grime have acid spit?

Sasha: *looking at photo of her, Anne, and Marcy* Hold on for a little longer, girls. I'm coming for you. And when I find you, we're gonna get home. But first, I think we're gonna have some fun with this place 

Okay so this line right here. Now I may not be even remotely correct but this line, this last piece of dialogue spoken by Sasha right before the episode ends leads me to believe that she… doesn't take this world seriously. 

At least not yet. 

I think the 3 girls all see Amphibia differently: Anne as more of an obstacle, a wall preventing her from being home, Marcy sees it as an escape from her life with constant stimuli, and Sasha, she sees it as just really another thing to control. Everyone and their mothers know that Sasha can be a little more than controlling and we all know that she liked being lieutenant just a little too much. 

This world is interesting to Sasha, not in the interesting that Anne sees it (who is interesting in the new people and the relationships she's formed) or Marcy (who is also interested in the relationships she's formed along with the thirst for knowledge and again, the constant stimuli in an environment where she isn't stifled and allowed to flourish). 

No, Sasha sees Amphibia as interesting because it gives her something to control. In a world that is not your own, a world that you will leave eventually, who would actually FOLLOW the rules put in place there? Especially a 13 year old who is basically like a war commander who, even if she does do something wrong or breaks a rule or two, the only person who might even dare to stop her is Grime, and even then, he might just encourage it because it is season 1 and they aren't that close and he doesn't really care for Sasha at this point. 

She also is actually very logical. Everything she does in Amphibia, all the morally questionable things she does, it is always for the same reason (or at least at first), to get her and her girls home. Wanting to sacrifice and kill Hop Pop at the end of season 1? Well The toads had promised if she helped, they'll help her find Marcy and bring the 3 of them home. She cares for Anne and Marcy SO MUCH that she is willing to go great lengths to help keep them safe. 

But even though Sasha didn't really care about anyone in Amphibia besides Anne and Marcy at first, it doesn't mean she won't ever. We see countless times throughout season 2 of Sasha caring. She feels regret with her impending betrayal on Anne and Marcy, she cares enough to try and warn Anne about King Andrias' evil plans. Hell, even in the season 3 intro we see her and Grime at Wartwood and it looks like they're gonna be starting another rebellion against the king to help all the amphibians in Amphibia. 

I just really like watching Sasha's appearance and knowing what will happen in the future with her character. 

S1: E13 Trip to the Archives 

Anne: I get this place. It's like a library from my world. Zoo books and manga, here I come! 

So whenever Anne goes to the library, presumably with Sasha and Marcy, she'd go straight to books on animals and manga probably while Marcy did whatever work they needed (if Anne's dialogue in season 2 with Marcy always doing the work for their group projects was anything to go off on)

I dunno, I think that's kinda cute that Anne liked reading books on animals and probably reading all the manga that Marcy recommended. 

Maybe Anne and Sasha would sit right next to each other while Marcy worked and read fun manga together and cackle with each other while Marcy tried SO HARD to concentrate and NOT infodump to them because she's read that specific manga 20 times and HAVE YOU GOTTEN TO THAT ONE PART WHERE THE MAIN CHARACTER GOES- 

S1: E15 Wally and Anne

MOSS MAN!! 

When Anne wakes up in the middle of the night and goes to grab Wally at town square, her hood is up and it's dark. The only thing we can make out of her face are…

Glowing blue eyes.

Glowing eyes that share an uncanny resemblance to the moss men.

And Anne loves doing elaborate, silly handshakes? That's so CUTE! Too bad none of her friends liked them as much as she did :( 

When they finally reached the foggy mountain place, Anne noticed glowing blue butterflies and started to follow them, which led her right to the moss man.

WAIT ANNE ALSO DID ROCK CLIMBING BACK HOME?? FUCKING JOCK!!!

S1 E20 Reunion 

Okay I WAS about to say that there wasn't anything to say about this last episode that hasn't already been said before BUT

The last couple moments, when Anne is holding Sasha off the cliff and trying to pull her up with the Planters, there's a couple interesting shots that I would like to talk about. 

While the Planters were holding onto Anne, they say things like "Hang on, Anne! We got you no matter what!" 

And even when the stone cliff starts to chip and break, none of the frogs back off, they don't loosen their grips, they just keep holding onto Anne. 

And they will never let go. 

Because they love her. Because in only 3 months, Anne was able to get a surrogate frog family and dozens of other frog friends in Wortwood. Because Anne has this amazing support system both literally and metaphorically. Because Anne is Anne. And Sasha...

Isn't like Anne. 

Matt Bradly himself even said that both Sasha and Anne are different from Anne, Anne is the heart, the emotional connection in their logical worlds. Anne can make so many friends so easily and Sasha… Sasha became a war genral, she lost a fight against the one person who she thought would never fight back. 

Sasha doesn't have what Anne has. She doesn't have the kind of skills to make such strong relationships, the kind where you risk your life for the other, in such a short amount of time. 

Hell, they even play a song called "Lean on Me", Anne has people to lean on and they would lean on her just the same. She found these people, made these friends, formed amazing relationships, in only THREE months. 

"Maybe you're better off without me"

And Sasha was only dragging her down. 

Sasha loves Anne, she cares for her and would do anything to protect her. That's why she let go. She didn't want to drag Anne down, to hurt her more than she already has. 

Sasha would do anything for Anne, even die. 

Over all notes: 

Season 1 is SUPER FUNNY!! The lines hit and they don't rely on toilet humor to get the audience to laugh. They use great one liners and physical humor that isn't fart or butt jokes. They do an excellent job on showing how crazy the world of Amphibia is through humor like how the animals are always eating each other. 

I really like how the characters were crafted so carefully! And the storyline!!! You could notice things that get explored in season 2 and I can't WAIT to see how many bread crumbs were left to lead up to season 3!

HOW DOES ANNE KEEP SO MANY THINGS IN HER BOOK BAG??? 

That stuff is in her SCHOOL BAG, why would she bring it to school??? So far I've got an air pump, toe nail clippers, pencils, cat toys, bath bombs and an energy drink. WHY??? I wonder if she held on to any of Sasha or Marcy's things too or ever forgot to give them back

Also again, I'M STILL IN SHOCK OF ANNE BEING A JOCK. I don't even know why I am, I knew she played sports and stuff it's just,,, she's so lanky,,, 

Her and Sasha are jock buddies and WILL shove other jocks in lockers if they ever pick on their nerd Marcy.

I also am in LOVE with Hop Pop's screams lmao

Be ready for an analysis of season 2! 

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales: Terror of the Terra-Firmians!  (Lena Retrospective) (Commission by WeirdKev27): Launchpad Looses his Last Brain Cell and I Loose My Patience

Welcome back Weblena Warriors to the second part of my look at everyone’s favorite Emo Teen Shadow Lesbian Duck... and probably the only one but hey, semantics, Shadow Into Light, which was made possible by viewers like you, the ultra humanite and a commission from WeirdKev27. Picking up where we left off, we have our first episode that has a different intended order than airing order. 

As most of you probably remember, but some of you who joined later might not be aware of the broadcast order for the first half of season one is, in the academic sense, pretty fucked. It’s not Darkwing Duck’s entirely fucked by a web of badger spiders and a queen snake on top to make it some sort of train situation, but by just sorta airing whatever episodes they wanted to, Disney messed with the character balance so Huey got less focus, not that he got a ton of focus this season but still, as well as leaning into the episodes focusing more on the kids with less involvement from the adults which gave the wrong impression about the series. While it IS very focused on the triplets and webby, the show isn’t entirely about them, but as Frank has mentioned a few times, Disney Channel apparently has this WEIRD thing where they assume kids won’t like stories starring the adult characters. 

Yeah I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while. Mostly how it’s so dumb I could swear Pauly Shore was an exec at Disney Channel. And he might be I don’t know what he’s doing these days and i’d like to keep it that way. For starters, the Scooge comics, while barely published in the US these days, are still popular globally and have appealed to kids and adults for generations and are mostly focused on him, with the kids in a supporting role and Ducktales, you know the thing your directly remaking here, was also mostly about him with the triplets supporting, if a bit less than the comics. Most of the Disney Afternoon was about adult characters, with any kids in side roles in the main cast. And it comes off entirely hypocritical of them to say this when the MCU is easily marvel’s biggest cash cow at the moment, and marvel properties have appealed to both kids and adults, like the duck comics, for decades. And if it’s because the marvel cartoons weren’t doing well , I’ll let you in on a little secret: Those didn’t do well because they looked bland and from what I’ve seen of them felt kind of bland, though I haven’t seen enough to fully judge. Kids LIKE adult characters as much as kid characters, and also like teen characters despite not being teens. Focusing on either is valid and while I LIKED Disney’s youth starring shows I also want another X-Men cartoon before I turn 50, and I bet kids would like that too, with the last one only failing because you bailed on it because you were throwing a hissy fit over fox having the movie rights, and do not get me started on that. Point is this argument is horse shit and should stay in the stables. 

So yeah I do think this episode came too soon and it’s placement effected it at the time and as such it dosen’t have the best rep with the fandom aside from the Lena bits and that includes me. The fact it was very early in the series and the characterizations hadn’t yet sunk in really hurt this episode in places but is it really that bad? Join me under the cut to find out

We open at the movies! Which scrooge apparently hasn’t been too since the 1930′s or seen any on video despite Della existing and being really stubborn. 

A rant for another episode. But the kids just got out of a Mole Monster movie, along with Lena, Beakly and Launchpad. Their reactions are as follows: Lena, Webby and Dewey really enjoyed it, Huey found it unrealistic... says the boy whose uncle fought a dragon made of gold a month or two back but we’ll get to that, and Louie was bored and felt it didn’t have enough of the ultra violence, kids these days it’s not about the gore it’s about the tension. And Beakly.. is just pissed Lena tricked them into seeing this and said it was educational. And the more I think about it the more this sounds like BEAKLYS fault than Lena’s. BEAKLY is the one who likely bought the tickets, who saw it was likely an r or pg-13 and who as we’ve seen HAS A PHONE, and ulnike scrooge probably isn’t so stingy she wouldn’t spring for a smart phone, so she could’ve just googled it, or whatever bird related pun is in this version.. gandered it.. yeah let’s go with that, gandered it, and SEEEN it wasn’t appropriate or walked htem out of the theater and ate the cost if she was that bothered by it. Sitting through a Horror Movie you didn’t research, didn’t pull the kids out of and dind’t bother to even check the poster for or use basic common sense is YOUR fault. And this could’ve worked fine, had Lena talk the kids into begging for it or had launchpad take them and have Beakly find out after, having driven to pick them up as she didn’t trust launchpad to take them home. Instead it makes the former super spy look REALLY stupid and feels really out of character for a SPY to not to do research. And it wasn’t like they decided on this later, Bentina being a spy was part of the character’s backstory from day one and its made clear as early as episode 2 in both airing orders. This is just lazy writing to justify the episode and I expect better from this crew. 

But an argument errupts between Huey and Webby over the Terra-Firmians, a hidden race of rock people living in Duckburg’s discontinued sewer system, allegedlys. So Lena suggest simply going down which gets a disapproving look from Beakly, despite you know this being their bread and butter, and the fact that if she had a problem with Scrooge not being involved.. she could just call him. Exploring fabled rock people is something he’d be into. I mean there’s a low profit margin but it also costs him almost nothing to walk to the theater or have launchpad swing around and pick him up. Just gas which given how much he pays for jet fuel isn’t a big ask. But Beakly soon gets distracted by Launchpad whose convinced the film is real and is attacking the poster a grim sign of things to come as while Beakly annoyed me in this one on rewatch, especially after realizing the above... Launchpad annoyed me both times and for VERY good reason we’ll get into. This provides a distraction and allows the trio to escape. Cue titles. 

After the title sequence, our heroes head deeper underground, there’s too much panic in this town... I mean props to Donald for trying something new but he really needs to rethink his cologne choices. Sex Panther is just.. not a good smell on.. anyone. 

So our heroes journey through the depths of the subway system, and we find out part of why Huey’s so skeptical, as he finds anything that isn’t in the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook to not exist, though the cracks in this already show as he’s added anything that does. We’ll get back to this later but as you can tell the basic dynamic for 24 minutes is Webby being a wholehearted True Believer and Huey being a Skeptical Sally. And Lena is just sorta “Eh gives me an excuse for shenanigans” about it. We also get a peak into webby’s mind as we see her notes .. which really just come off as Terra-Firmian fanfiction involving a war of succession between two sides, the terra’s and the firmies, something based on previous media, and also some doodles of a fictional candy called webby-dings and herself as a superhero, both things I want to see. 

But yeah the first third of the episode is pretty simple, just them journeying, the occasional shift in the firmament, and it’s not bad, and there are a few great bits: Huey nerds out about rocks, and finds them way more interesting than a possible rock monster.

Which leads to the best gag of the episode as when Huey tries to pick up a big sample Webby, annoyed at his hyperfixation on the JWG, asks him to ask his book for help.. which he does by reading it and actually manages to pick the large rock up. This is halted though when Lena screams.. though she really just did it to draw them to an abandoned subway car full of glomgold posters for glomgold products because of course a failed subway project has his name plastered over it. You can’t spell glomgold without failure.. the failure is silent. Glomgold is not. 

The fun is interuptted though by a livid Beakly who had realized they were missing in an earlier scene, after telling the Manager that McDuck Industries would pay for the poster.. and then found out Launchpad also destroyed the toilets “They come up thorugh the sewers!”. Launchpad that’s CHUDS, Ninja Turtles and Rats who raised Ninja Turtles like their own sons, mole people dig or use old mineshafts. It’s basic mole science. Also Beakly really shouldn’t sweat it, I just assumed the city has had a runnig bill witht he company for “McDuck Family and Employee Related Accidents, Mayhem and Shenanigans”. I mean he’s had Gyro on his payroll for at least a decade and a half by the series start, Gyro has leveled whole sections of city in an afternoon more than most giant monsters. Of which several have destroyed Duckburg. It got better. 

Point is she’s livid about them sneaking off with Lena pointing out their some sort of adventure family and Beakly.. saying she won’t see them again, or at least implying it hard. I’ll put a pin in this, as the train buckles and a bit of seismic, or rock men, activity means their stuck. So they divide into teams: Beakly will go try and unhook the train car from the busted cars so they can ride out, Launchpad will go try and fix it, and we get this lovely exxchange as a result

Launchpad: Cool never crashed a train before Beakly: Can’t you try driving it without crashing it? Launchpad: Wha? 

His face in that scene is priceless. He takes Dewey along. More on that in a second. Webby, Huey and Louie are told to stay put with Beakly only bringing Lena along because she dosen’t trust her. So since we have three split plots for a second... let’s split up gang, starting with the most aggrivating, middling with what you all came here for and why this is part of the retrsopective, and ending with the plot that directly heads into the final part of the episode. 

Launchpad and Dewey: GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Okay starting with the most infamous plot and easily the worst part of this episode, probably the worst plot in any Ducktales 2017 episode. That’s not hyperbole it’s really that bad and really pissed people off, as fans of the original launchpad felt they made him overly stupid. This is where the airing order’s a problem as putting an episode with a subplot where one of your characters is obnoxiously dumb right up front means they assume this is his charcter and not just one poorly written chapter in a very dumb but very loveable characters life, likely because the writers hadn’t figured out how to properly scale his stupidity with comptience. 

So as a result we get a good 3-4 mintutes if not agonizingly more of Launchpad assuming something he saw in a fucking movie film was real. That.. that’s his actual plot. Need I remind you, he’s in his late 20′s early 30′s. He’s not much older than me. While other episodes have him as dim this one claims he CAN’T TELL FACT FROM FICTION. 

There are lines you have to keep with your characters to keep the audience from hating them. They crossed it about 80 times with this plot and make Launchpad into a gibbering dunderhead who can’t do anything right versus a regular dunderhead whose good at one or two things and loveable enough for us to like him and not care about his numerous safey violations and child endagerment charges. Thankfully this is the ONLY episode that gets this bad and they clearly learned from this, but it dosen’t make it any less of a tough sit. 

Dewey spends most of the subplot with a look on his face that just screams that he’s as done with this bullshit as we are, as Launchpad assumes he’s a mole person and brought along a pipe to presumibly bludgeon him, because wanting to cave his best friends skull in over stupidity is a GREAT look> Thankfuly he does not. And when the lights come back on Launchpad.. assumes he’s a monster because of bright light, GAH, and locks him out before they end up outside and the plto resolves itself by Dewey pointing out by Launchpad’s utterly baffling logic that he could be a mole monster, so Launchpad.. assumes he is. 

The subplot’s later buttoned up as he claims “I love being a mole monster”, again diffrent subteranian creature launchpad, she says he’s not and my suffering is thankfully at an end. This plot just sucks, it’s bad, overly stupid and dosen’t work with an adult character. Someone like say Ed from Ed, Edd N Eddy, or someone who belivies in weird conspiracy stuff like Dale Gribble or Stan Pines. with either of them this plot would’ve been fucking great. I could buy it from Dale and it just comes off as his normal paranoid weirdness. With Launchpad it comes off like he seriously needs help because the episode frames it as if he can’t tell ficton from reality, and his splotlight episode later would directly contridct this and make this episode even more aggrivating, as he’s a fan of Darkwing Duck, and KNOWS it’s acted out by an actor, so why wouldn’t he get this? It’s just....

It sucks, it sucks and I thankfully get to move on to a better subplot

Beakly and Lena: What You Are in the Dark

Beakly tells Lena she’ll never see Webby again after this.. then chastises her when she won’t help despite you know having just said she’s going to force their friendship apart, which Lena points out. She then gets mad at Lena making a sarcastic comment at her. Okay she’s lived with Louie for at least a week in airing order and a month or two in actual order. She has to be used to this by now. She’s insolent.. because you show her no respect, blame her for something that while sure she talked you into, you should’ve known better, and top it off by saying you want to keep her from the kids because they have bright futures and come from good familes and asks who rasied her and her face.. well.

Yeah wheras Launchpad and Huey, more on that in a second, were hurt by this being some of their earliest big roles, Bentina wasn’t.. until later when we found out just HOW bad Magica is to Lena and how much she dosen’t care about her other than as a tool to use. At this point we didn’t know just how much Lena was playing webby, how much she was only manipulating her, and even with her heroic act here we didn’t know if she only saw Webby as her way to break free. The next episode makes it clear she dosen’t and genuinely does care, 100%, so in hindsight it makes Bentina come off as ghoulsih for horribly asssuming about a girl she dosen’t know, and even if she did know about Magica wouldn’t know the full story, just like us, and then BERATING her after already saying she’s going to rip her away from Webby, which itself is PRETTY bad as she’s the only friend the girl has and sh’es doing so on... talking them into a horror movie, which as I outlined was more Bentina’s fault than Lena’s, and leading the kids into a dangerous place whicha gain, Lena pointed out is something she lets Scrooge do. And trust me i know that she actually knows Scrooge, and we later find out, as we’ll cover next month, that she isn’t ware HOW dangerous things are with Scrooge. It dosen’t change the fact she knows they do dangerous stuff to a point and that Lena may just be acting out. It also dosen’t change the fact she drove three children, yes including launchpad, down here with her instead of sending them home with Launchpad.. granted that option isn’t the safest but it’s safer than taking her with them thena cting like it’s ALL lena’s fault when three of the children, again including launchpad, are down there because of HER. Not Lena, HER. I’m harder on her because she’s older, wiser and was “raised properly” apparently. Though given the way she treats a random teen off the street she again knows nothing about and dind’t bother to ask... it begs the question. 

IT’s a good question. I could see the classism coming from being raised in 40′s and 50′s britain, judging by the timeline.. but even then she’s seen the world, and while her nature is supscious, the classit bullshit makes no sense after presumibly working with, and later spymastering for, various agents of various backgrounds. How has she not dropped this in decades. Scrooge very clearly dropped the racisim and homophobia of his time, so it still stands  on her for not dropping this. And Lena’s hurt shows under hte mask for the first time, that beneath the snark and secrecy.. is just an abused teenager with nowhere else to go and no way out being bullied by an older woman whose cutting off the only light at the end of the tunnel nto for good reason but out of classist, overprotective mallice.  My issues, which to be fair probably were intentional in the episode but sitll are a bit overblown, aside we do get an absoluttley tremendous moment later as a car falls on top of Beakly.. and Magica, speaking once more urges Lena to leave her, let her die and let their plans progress. And while that iself is.. dumb, what if someone finds her or her corpse later, especially since Scrooge would likely perosnally want to retrive the body to give her a proper burial as she’s his only friend at this point, or the rest of the family questoin the story?, it fits Magica’s lack of foresight we see throughout the season. But Lena... saves her. While she later gives an explination, and a valid one at that, it’s clear from her expressoin, her actoins and how she does it... that this is her. Part of it is defiance, as she glares at Magica before doing it, her own stubborn nature mixed with her hatred of her “aunt”, meaning Magica just made it all too easy for her to do this. But the real reason is clear: It’s the right thing to do. While pissing off her aunt and getting away with it is the cherry on top.. the real reason is that unlike Magica.. Lena is not a killer, not a monster, and not a heartless vacum ofa person. Even if she doesn’t like Beakly, for good reason.. she can’t, she WON’T leave her to die and leave Webby an orphan again. She loves Webby too much to do that to her and while she may deny it.. she’s too good a person to leave someone to die for something so petty. Even if she never sees webby again and the plans ruined. It’s better than the weight of knowing she let someone who wasn’t trying to harm her and whose actions, while terrible, were out of misguided protection of her granddaughter, die like this. She saves her. And as we’ll see it pays off.. but before that. 

Huey, Webby and Louie: Into the Unknown This plot’s a bit shorter, as Webby and Huey continue their argument, with Louie eventually making it clear, and not even hiding it when directly asked by Huey, that he’s playing both sides with a delighted expression on his face as the movie was boring but this, this is interesting. Which it is. But it’s interupted by dings on the roof and while Huey assumes i’ts just a regular rock, it moves while their not lookiung.. and soon red eyed, horrifying beasts look out at them and the kids flee back to the car. This dosen’t pan out as the car starts to shake and is clearly going to collapse.. and while Webby and Louie are prepared to flee, rock monsters or no, Huey, in an utterly heart shattering image.. stays in place, terrified of moving. 

This is where this plot goes from mildly aggrivating, as Huey’s Skeptic shenanigans can get on the nerves.. to BRILLIANT. See at the time this was more annoying because it was assumed the skepticsim would be a part of Huey’s character and we’d get more episodes of him being annoying only to be proven wrong, as he semeingly dosen’t learn his lesson at this point, looging the terrafrimians in the guide book. But on rewatch.. this plot is amazing.  For starters the plot subtly introduced the defening characteristic of Huey’s personality, one that’s become more prounounced in Season 3: His need for Order. He needs things to make sense: He solves stuff because he likes there to be order in the world and something he can understand, he can put in a box in his head. Like a lot of neurotypical people, myself included, he struggles horribly when the clearly defined boxes of his life and things he undestand have wrinkles or complexities he can’t get. I for instnace easily got it when I was introduced to the concept of trans people or being non binary.. they just make sense in hindsight: given how our brains are messya nd complicated it makes sense some people would be born in the wrong ones, and tht with all the science and medicine we have to correct that, should be allowed to transition if they so choose. It makes equal sense that some people just don’t have a gender or are gender fluid, being both or neither. Despite struggling with non binary prounouns due to force of habit.. I get the concept with no real difficulty. But when it comes to accepting I don’t have to apologize for everything and that everyone is not angry or that anger is natural and people sometimes get mad and you can’t and shouldnt’ fix it.. it’s something I STRUGGLE with even knowing it’s not right, because my brain is just wired that way. 

That’s how Huey’s struggle comes off here.. he reveals he’s willing to stay and die.. because he’s SO scared of the unknown, that the idea of dying from something he at least knows what it is versus something he dosen’t.., so paralizyed by his own brain he can’t figure out the obvious.. it takes Webby reaching out to him figuratively and literally, to show him that sometimes you have to face the unknown. The unknown is fucking terrifying.. but it can be good and it’s better than sitting there, scared and unable to move. You have to try, to grow and take that risk that things may not go well to really LIVE. 

So he does.. and they reunite with the rest of the group.. and soon find the terrafirmains.. who as it turns out once we get some light on them... are actually just goofy looking,  brightly colored, each one matching one of the kids, kids themselves, and Huey reaches out and touches one, which by ET logic means their friends now, and the terrafirmians help them get out. And this lesson sticks. While sure Huey catalogues it and it seems it didn’t.. he’s never this skeptical again. This douchey skepticsim was only for one episode, his fear of the uknown replcaed with boundless curosity and from here on he’s CURIOUS about new stuff as long as it’s not trying to kill him. He loves taking in new experinces, maybe not to webby levels but he does actually try them and study them instead of just fearing them. 

Before we wrap things up, obviously we need to talk about the JWG not having entries on a lot of stuff. This would be corrected next season as it returns to being a big book of everything, but dosen’t completely contridct this as Timephoon! shows there’s stillcgaps.. which i’m fine with. While it knowing EVERYTHING was fine for the original series here, with things being slightly more groudned, it’d just be an obvious plothole if Huey didn’t use it every single time they ran into something and that’d get boring. Instead it’s simply that it dosen’t know everything, and really in the comics at times it didn’t and the triplets found out new things. It knew almost everything mind you, but having some gaps for dramatic tnesion is fine with me and Seasons 2 and 3 decided on that instead of just having it being a scouting manual which wa sfor the best. And even by later in the season hit has guides to getting a small buisness loan, so they already course corrected. 

So everything’s wrapped up and while Magica berates Lena for disobeying her.. Beakly interputps, thankfully not seeing magica and admits she was wrong and invites Lena for pancakes, even taking a crack about if their actually pancakes or english muffins with syrup, which sounds like my own living hell, in stride, having clearly grown. And Lena explains to Magica that this was the better approach: now she’s got the in theyw anted, and is above suspcison for now. Still not so much that an obvious act won’t be detected but enough that she dosen’t ahve to work actively around her anymore. Magica scoffs.. and while part of it is probably rage.. part of it is deep down both of them know she did it out of defiance.. and only Lena knows that she did it for the right reasons... she just dosen’t get why. She probably justifies it as playing the long game.. but deep down she knows something’s changing about her.. and she’s not sure if that’s a godo thing or not. 

Final Thoughts: This episode is as you can tell a mixed bag. It’s 2/3 of a good episode, with the Lena plot, my issues aside, being excellent and the Terra-Firmian plot likewise fun, even if Huey can get grating the payoff is worth it, and the jokes are really high quality. It’s just bogged down by that fucking launchpad plot that just crushed my soul in it’s palms every time it came back. I went on at length why i hated that one but boy oh boy was the hate of that subplot warranted and I stand by calling it the worst plot of the series. It is: it’s not funny, it makes no goddamn sense, and it drags down what’s otherwise a pretty solid epsiode.

Next Time on Lena: Jaws the shark, lurking in the dark, in the depths of the bin one day of a lark decides to get rowdy, get real violent takes a vacay out to Duckburg er.. Island.. also Scrooge faces his greatest Nemesis.. a PR Tour to clean up his image after an unfortunate giant Beanstalk Incident. Be there and be hip to be square. 

Next Time on This Blog: I Tackle a DCOM for the first time for another commissioned review as we take a look at racisim, specifically Apartheid and breaking indoctrination, with The Color of Friendship. See you next Rainbow. 

[twokinkybeans]

The Arachnoids: ROCK BAND AU [STARKER] - Chapter 9: WARY WORDS

READ “CHAPTER 9: WARY WORDS” ON AO3

Find the masterpost with all the chapters linked here!

Taglist: @crystallinecrimsonmoth​​​​​​​ & @staticwhispersinthedark​​​​​​​ (Let me know if you want to be added!)

-

Chapter 9: Wary Words

Tony’s gone.

That’s the first thought that crosses Peter’s mind when he stirs back to life after a short but good sleep. The room is empty and quiet, and it’s not just the man that has vanished. His bags are gone too and the sheets Tony slept under are neatly drawn up over the mattress. If it weren’t for the cologne lingering on Peter’s shirt, he could’ve sworn it’d all been a dream. It’s real, he reminds himself. It’s all real.

Peter doesn’t like the uneasy feeling that settles under his skin. He clamps his jaws together and blows into his cheeks, then letting the pressured air escape past his lips in a defeated sigh. He doesn’t know what to do. While it’s clear that something has to change for Tony, Peter wouldn’t know where to even start. He does realize it’s not his problem to solve, but he wants to help Tony however possible. It’s idle hope, though, to think the solution might come easy.

Tony’s gone, and there’s no sign of him until the live performance. It physically aches Peter’s chest to watch how freely Tony moves around the stage. No anxiety. No spiraling thoughts. Just Tony living through his music. The stage is Tony’s home. Performing is his home.

But after thanking his Finnish fans for supporting them today… There’s no trace left of where he could’ve gone. Tony’s hiding once again.

Latvia.

Poland.

Hungary

The next few days are all the same. No sight of Tony other than soundchecks and shows. No one knows where he is. And Peter realizes, horrified, that as much as everyone’s worried about Tony’s behavior, they don’t really care. Not truly. As long as Tony shows up to sing they seem awfully okay with it. 

Austria

Italy

Spain

Peter still hasn’t managed to catch a moment alone with Tony. From a distance, he can see that the man looks paler. Tired. Lonely.

France

Belgium

Germany

Peter’s fed up with Tony evading everyone and he decides that he’ll do everything it takes to connect to him again. He will talk to Tony. As soon as he gets the chance.

Netherlands

-

“Hey, Stark!” Peter greets the man cheerfully as he finally finds the man by himself in the large Nijmegen venue. Tony’s leaning against the front barrier, looking up at the stage. “I’ve been thinking about your offer and I’ve decided to take you up on those guitar classes.” Tony tenses up and he grips the front barrier so tight his knuckles turn white. Oh no.  Slowly, Tony turns around to face Peter. Tony looks straight at him but Peter can tell it takes everything the man has, to not avert his gaze. Peter’s heart clenches at the knowledge that the man’s been hurting so much lately, that it's a habit for him to hide everything.

“Hi, space boy.” Tony sniffs once and straightens his shoulders, faking a wide grin. Peter frowns at that. Does Tony still have the feeling he has to pretend so much?  Tony continues talking before Peter has a chance to resume the conversation himself. “Wouldn’t you rather do another one of those sleepovers? ‘Twas quite a messy night, huh?” 

What?

“That makes it sound like we had an actual one night stand,” Peter says slowly, eyebrows raised. If Tony wants to approach it like this, Peter will try to play along. Tony huffs a startled laugh at that. “That’s what happens when there’s only one bed,” he jokes. Tony’s smile falters soon after. He casts his eyes down to the floor. “I’m really sorry about that night, though… That… Wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“What wasn’t?” Peter asks, tilting his head. He kinda expects Tony to cut the conversation short and make a run for it, but surprisingly, he doesn’t. “The panic attack- I never wanted to drop that on you. The hug…” Tony’s cheeks turn a little bit redder at that. He’s ashamed, Peter realizes. “Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”

Tony tenses at that once more. He blinks a few times, unsure of what to do. Peter swallows. The last thing he wants is to chase Tony away himself. “Hey…” Peter speaks softly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” “No,” Tony pushes out. “You did. And you’re right, I guess. I have been avoiding you.” Tony glances around real quick to see if there’s no one else around. When he confirms they’re alone he sighs. “I’ve never been this vulnerable around anyone. I… don’t know how to deal with it.” Tony sits down on the floor to lean against the front barrier and he shakes his head. Peter carefully walks closer to him.

“That’s alright. It’s hard,” Peter breathes as he sinks down onto the cool metal plates as well. “I know my story isn’t nearly the same…” He continues. “But I was young when I lost everyone but Aunt May. I closed off. It fucking sucks when people watch your every move ‘cause they’re not sure what to do with you and your emotions.” Tony looks up at that. His eyes contain the exact spark of recognition Peter had hoped to ignite.

“Sometimes, it’d be much easier if none of it ever happened - or if no one knows. So that you can pretend it never did, even if just for a few minutes.” Peter pauses, trying to figure out the right words to continue. “But- If you never allow yourself to be vulnerable, no one’s gonna understand why you keep pushing them away. Eventually, they’ll take it as rejection. They give up. And it leaves you lonelier than you were before.” “Sounds familiar,” Tony mumbles quietly. Peter’s lips curl into a faint smile.  “Yeah... And I’m not saying you always have to talk about the shit that’s going on, but you can let people know you’re not okay. Confide in them. You need that sense of community, Tony. Especially when things are bad.”

They’re both silent after that. It’s not an uncomfortable silence. Not at all. At one point, Tony’s composure softens. He goes less rigid, and his left knee falls against Peter’s right one. Peter lets it happen without a single thought; perhaps he too likes the warmth coming from the other’s body. Someone who, even though the story is different, shares the emotions Peter knows so well.

“Thank you,” Tony finally breathes. “That’s… You’re right- I-...” Tony groans when the words don’t come easy. Most likely unconsciously, he presses his knee into Peter’s a little more. Peter doesn’t say anything to give the man his time. He does press his knee back, though. Hoping to comfort Tony. Tony swallows and slowly continues. “Talking to you makes me feel like I can breathe, even if just slightly.” The words cause a gentle warmth to spread through Peter’s chest.

“I meant what I said the other night, Tony. I’m gonna be here, alright?” “You barely know me...” “Isn’t that enough of a reason to get to know each other better? I mean, we already slept in one bed after all,” Peter says, trying to lighten the conversation with a small joke. It seems to work. Tony snorts. “I think you’re my favorite one night stand,” Tony grins. Somehow, even though it’s obviously meant as a joke, it catches Peter completely off guard and he blushes. Tony notices and he grins.  “Ooooooh! You liked it too!” Tony teases. Peter growls in response and leans sideways to bump into Tony’s shoulder. The man laughs, actually laughs, and the sound reverberates in Peter’s chest. Is this the lighter side of Tony he hasn’t seen yet?

“Hey,” Tony mumbles once his snickering died down. “I have to go do this stupid interview. Harley will lynch me if I don’t show up.” “Shouldn’t Bruce and Happy be the ones to do that?” “They don’t really bother with me. They’ve given Harley the most prestigious task of babysitting me.” “Harley seems nice though, isn’t he?” Peter tries. Tony hums. “For sure. He’s a good kid.” 

Tony’s silent after that and Peter bites down his bottom lip. He feels like the conversation isn’t over yet. He drops his head to one side to look at Tony. Tony raises his eyebrows. “Will you be okay?” Peter asks quietly. “I…” Tony sighs. “I guess? Interviews trigger my anxiety quite badly. Nat, Steve, and Harley know about the medication shit, though. They try to help me through. They just don’t know about… Morgan.” Tony’s voice wavers when he chokes out her name. “I’ll manage. I promise.” Peter smiles and leans into Tony a little bit more, trying to bring him some comfort.

“Alright. Promise me one thing though,” Peter whispers. “Or, two actually?” “What’s that?” “I want those guitar classes,” Peter states and Tony snorts, shrugging and shaking his head. “Sure, what else?”

Peter hesitates and he clasps his own hands together, leaning forward onto his upper legs. From there, he eyes Tony carefully. “Don’t rewatch it.” Peter takes a breath. “The interview. Answer their questions and then forget about it.”

Tony takes a few moments to think about that before he swallows and nods. His eyes sparkle when he raises his head to look Peter straight into his eyes. “I promise.”

-

Peter mindlessly helps Ned set up his drums for tonight. Ned loves the new set, even though it’s not nearly the same quality as the one he has at home. It’s got a nice sound, Peter has to admit that. He doesn’t know enough about drums to give a solid opinion, but if Ned’s happy, so is he.

“So, what’s up with Tony?” Ned asks, fiddling with one of his drumsticks when Peter finishes tightening the last hi-hat clutch. Peter leans back, eyeing Ned curiously. “What do you mean?” “He seems… So… Nice? Today? I dunno,” he mumbles. “He’s not himself.” “Oh?” “Yeah, he-”

Before Ned can finish his explanation, the door slams open and Peter looks up startled. MJ comes rushing in and she throws herself into Ned’s arms. “Help!” She squeaks.  “Hey, hey! What’s wrong?” “I- Harley, he- He asked me out,” she chokes out. “And my dumb ass said no. But when I ran off I- I realized I wanted to say yes and I don’t know what to do.” MJ groans and presses her lips together.

“Please, you gotta help me.”

-

Read the next chapter >> 10: Blossoming Bond

[lloydskywalkers]

it’s ironic that you should ask this now, because one) that’s the firST thing my mind went to during my rewatch so far, and two) i now have a whole bunch of lovely little oneshots like this guess which episode i watched recently

Nya should’ve listened to her gut the moment she started feeling something was wrong.

Kai calls her impulsive (which is rich, coming from him), but Nya’s instincts haven’t been wrong before. They weren’t when the Fire Nation came for them the first time, they weren’t when things went sour in the Earth Kingdom, and they weren’t when she found Lloyd frozen in the ice. While her method of action might not always the best, Nya’s instincts have rarely led her wrong.

She curses herself between gasps for breath for ignoring them this time, sprinting as fast as she can through the darkened forest. It looks so different in the dark than it had when she’d gone out with Harumi earlier. Bright and sunny as it’d been then, Harumi had been nothing more than a unassuming nonbender and a potential friend — perhaps more, for Lloyd, with how his cheeks had flushed every time she’d talked to him.

Now, with the trees silhouetted black and the echoes of Kai’s angered shouts through the forest, Nya can’t believe she ever let her get within five feet of them.

The long months of trekking from nation to nation serves her well, and Nya bursts from the thick trees full-force — only to immediately skid to a stop, the cursed red skirt she’s stuck in swishing around her legs as she sucks in a breath of horror.

Harumi stands in the middle of the clearing they were in earlier, but the scene is drastically different. The serene look Harumi once wore is gone as if it never existed, replaced by a twisted expression of malice. She got one hand raised in the air, sharp nails curved inwards as she holds Kai steady where he’s frozen across the clearing, by what Nya can only guess is the witchcraft the villagers had whispered about. Kai’s face is pale and furious, but he seems unharmed, if unable to move.

It’s Harumi’s other hand, the one that’s locked around Lloyd’s pale hair as she holds him in place, that has Nya rooted to the spot.

“Nya,” Lloyd gasps, his eyes wide and frightened. “Watch out, she’s—”

Harumi’s fingers clench around his hair, and Lloyd’s expressions spasms in pain as he twists unnaturally, his arms folding in on themselves. Hot anger sparks in Nya’s gut, and she snarls at Harumi.

“Let them go,” she says, her voice low.

Harumi tilts her head at her, her eyes gleaming in the moonlight. Her hand shifts around Lloyd’s hair, and he twitches again, shooting Nya a look of terror.

“No,” Harumi says, her voice silky. “I don’t think I will.”

Nya swallows. The look on Harumi’s face is deranged, makeup streaking down her cheeks like twin streams of blood, and Nya can’t believe she ever thought to trust her. She knows they’ve been getting careless lately, but this is the nail in the coffin. Lloyd’s already too trusting as it is, but they’d gotten so lucky with Jay, then Cole and Zane, that Kai and Nya had begun to let their guard down as well.

Right in the middle of the Fire Nation. Nya stomach twists. She, of all people, should know how unbelievably stupid they’ve been.

But there’s nothing for it now. Nya’s almost lost Lloyd to the Fire Nation twice, and she won’t let Harumi be the third.

“That wasn’t a request,” she says, louder this time. “Let them go."

Harumi eyes her, and her hands jerk. Kai’s expression contorts, as if straining against some incredible force, before his hand drifts toward his belt. He gives a sharp warning of “Nya!” before he abruptly sends one of his knives flying toward her head. Nya dodges easily — the throw is sloppy, without any of Kai’s usual accuracy or grace, but the force behind is enough to give her pause.

“I don’t know what kind of witchcraft you’re using, but I doubt it can match three benders at once,” she threatens. She’d tout the fact that Lloyd’s the Avatar, except not only is it something Nya’s supposed to be keeping secret, but it would probably fall flat with how Harumi’s got him easily pinned right now.

Nya hopes it’s just Lloyd being soft-hearted again, but that wouldn’t explain Kai staying so still as well.  

“Oh, it’s not witchcraft,” Harumi answers, rolling her eyes. “It’s a…unique, bending technique.”

Nya pauses, her eyebrows furrowing, but Lloyd’s the one that speaks up. “You said you weren’t a bender.” His voice is painfully small.

“Oh Lloyd,” Harumi laughs, rattling him again. “I lied, you stupid boy. Haven’t you figured it out? I’m just like you, Nya.”

Shiny droplets of water weave between her fingertips as she speaks, and Nya’s eyes widen.

“You’re a waterbender,” she breathes. Harumi nods, her teeth glinting as she smiles. Nya glances from her hands to Kai and Lloyd, watching the way their limbs twist, expressions tight with pain.

“Their blood,” Nya whispers, her mouth dry. “You’re — you’re bloodbending.”

“Oh, you are smart,” Harumi’s grin widens. “Much smarter than them.”

Lloyd grimaces as she shakes him, and Kai jerks against her hold, his eyes hot. “Leave him alone, you twisted—”

Harumi moves her hand and Kai’s entire body wrenches, flinging himself into the nearby tree with an ugly crack. Lloyd gives a panicked cry of concern, and Nya darts forward, fury giving her purpose.

“Don’t touch him!” she roars, her arms sweeping as she blasts her element at Harumi, just as Kai manages to launch an attack of his own in a bright burst of fire.

Neither hit lands. Panic lances through Nya as Harumi deflects her water effortlessly, sending it splashing into Kai’s burst of fire and extinguishing it. Harumi gives a shrieking laugh at their attempts, and Nya feels sweat bead up at the edges of her forehead. She desperately wishes the others were here — Cole or Jay would be able to handle this, even Zane could at least freeze the water effectively. But they’re deeper into the Fire Nation right now, scouting out the inner cities, and the only person to combat Harumi is Nya and her stupid raindrops.

Blinking back tears of frustration, Nya wishes, not for the first time, that she’d been born a firebender like Kai. Water is useless with her anger.

But if she used it like Harumi—

No, Nya scolds herself hotly. She’s no monster. She’s nothing like Harumi, and she’s not about to stoop to her level.

“Harumi,” Lloyd says, his voice pleading. “Harumi please, if you’d just explain why you’re doing this, then maybe—”

He cuts off in a cry as Harumi curls her fingers, and Lloyd’s arm twists unnaturally, bending like the limbs of a marionette. He whimpers as she stretches his right arm too far, dangling him like he’s caught in a deranged spider’s web, and Nya sees red.

“Stop, stop, let him go!” Her voice threatens to crack in anger, and water leeches from the grass around her, pouring between her fingers. “Do you even know who he is?”

“I know exactly who he is,” Harumi hisses, her eyes wild. “The Avatar. The one who was supposed to save my family.”

Lloyd stares up at her with wide eyes. “W…what?”

Harumi’s eyes finally leave Nya, and she glares at Lloyd in fury, her fingers practically tearing his hair out as she shakes him.

“Don’t play dumb, where were you?” she howls, as Lloyd flinches in pain. “Where were you when the Fire Nation destroyed my people? When they murdered my family? You were supposed to save them, where were you?!”

Lloyd goes as silent as he had when they’d brought him to the ruined Air Temple, his eyes glassy in that same kind of horror. Kai writhes against Harumi’s hold, and Nya’s stomach twists. It’s killing her to stay still, but with Lloyd in Harumi’s grasp and Kai still frozen near the tree, she can’t risk it.

“My family died because you weren’t there,” Harumi continues, the shadows catching on her manic expression and turning her visage monstrous in the moonlight. “Now it’s your turn, when I hand you over to the Fire Lord.”

Kai makes a noise of panic, and Nya finally wrenches herself from her stupor. “The Fire Nation killed your family,” she starts, trying to reason with her. “They killed ours too, and Lloyd’s! We’re trying to stop them. Why are you helping them?”

Harumi’s lip curls, her eyes snapping back to Nya. “Because water is weak,” she sneers. “Our tribe was stupid and arrogant to think we deserved the kind of respect fire does. With the power of the Fire Nation behind me, I can turn waterbending into something deadly. Something to be feared. Every last one of us will be bloodbenders, and with the Fire Nation, no one will ever attack us again!”

Kai stares at her, incredulous. “The Fire Nation was the one who attacked you in the first place!” he exclaims. “Are you ser—agh!”

Harumi’s wrist snaps downward, and Kai’s knees buckle, sending him plummeting to the ground with a pained cry. Nya’s heart jumps, her fingernails biting into her palms. She forces herself to calm instead, gritting her teeth. Harumi’s logic is twisted beyond belief. It’s clear there won’t be any reasoning with her.

“You’re not the only one in the world with a tragic past,” Nya snarls, and she can feel the humidity in the air itself vibrating with the intensity of her anger. “I don’t care about your reasoning. This is your last chance. Let them go, and you can walk away from this.”

Harumi’s teeth bare. “I had hopes for you, you know. You could be great. You could be powerful, like me. Instead you chain yourself to these two. How disappointing.”

She raises both hands, releasing Lloyd’s hair from her grasp as her fingers clench together. Kai and Lloyd both shout in pain as they’re dragged forward, and Kai’s suddenly pulling his sword from where its strapped to his back, his fingers shaking as they grasp the hilt.

Nya’s mouth goes bone dry. Harumi smiles. “I’ll make you a deal, waterbender,” she says. “If you can stop them, you can have your brother back. If you, can’t, though…”

Her hand twists again, and Kai’s eyes go wide in terror as he surges forward, forced into a dead sprint toward Lloyd.

“Then maybe I’ll just kill the Avatar myself,” Harumi finishes, her eyes dark.

“Kai!”

“Stop, Nya, stop me—!”

Nya’s running before she can think, barreling toward Harumi at full force. Kai is moving across the clearing faster than she can blink, his sword leveled at Lloyd’s unprotected head where he’s stuck frozen in place. Nya moves to attack Harumi with her element, but it’s immediately redirected just as before, splashing back into Nya’s own face.

“Stop it, stop it, Nya stop me now—”

Panic swelling to a crescendo in her head, Nya freezes. Harumi’s going to kill them both. She’s going to kill Nya’s family without a second’s thought, and Nya and her water will have done nothing. The tears of frustration welling up in her eyes begin to hiss, steaming up in her vision. Her hands shake with fury, white-knuckled and trembling, and the thin threads of Nya’s restraint snap.

She stretches her hand out toward Harumi, feels for her element, and reaches.

It’s almost laughably easy. Nya’s hold on her element is already razor-sharp in her anger, and the blood that thrums through Harumi’s veins is loud and pulsing. Nya feels the viscosity of it, the heavy traces of water flowing through it as easily as she does the icy streams of water at home, and for a second it’s terrifying — the sound of Harumi’s heartbeat pulsing through her ears, the watery flow of blood.

Then her rage burns hot, and Nya feels control.

Harumi screams as her arms wrench forward, and Kai and Lloyd drop with startled shouts, like puppets with their strings cut as Harumi looses her hold. Lloyd slumps to the ground below Harumi, and Kai rolls across the grass before coming to a stop, panting harshly as he flings his sword away.

Nya barely glances at them. Her eyes are locked on Harumi’s, savoring the growing terror she sees in them as she tightens her control, filtering through the very veins beneath Harumi’s skin.

“You said I’m weak?” Nya hisses, a dull roaring in her ears. “I’ll show you weak.”

Harumi strains against her hold, trying to make a last-ditch attack, but Nya has her in the palm of her hand now. She makes a choking noise before cutting off, collapsing to the dirt as Nya forces her to her knees.

Where she belongs.

A dizzying kind of elation sweeps through Nya’s veins as she realizes that she can make Harumi do whatever she wants her to. As she realizes the power she’s wielding. She can do this to anyone — anyone who raises a hand against her, or any of her family again — she can control them. The Fire Lord himself, in all his purpose to destroy Lloyd, she can tear him apart piece by piece before he even sets eyes on him.

Nya can turn anyone on earth against themselves. With her waterbending — with her bloodbending — she’ll be so powerful no one will ever challenge her again, no one will ever underestimate her again, no one will ever come close—

“Nya,” Kai whispers.

Her control shatters like glass. Nya drops to her knees, shaking uncontrollably as she gasps raggedly for air. Her vision swims, turning Harumi’s crumpled form on the grass into dozens of blurring figures, and terror shoots through Nya like lightning.

She’s a monster. She’s just like Harumi, she’s worse, she’s a monster. The thoughts that just ran through her mind — that taste of power—

Nya wants to throw up, and dissolves into tears instead.

Familiar warm arms wrap around her, pulling her close. After a moment, there’s a gentle touch as she feels Lloyd join in the embrace as well. His hold isn’t as firm as Kai — he’s trembling as badly as Nya is.

“Harumi?” Nya finally croaks, half-fearing the answer.

Kai makes an angry sound in the back of his throat, like an infuriated dragon.

“She’s alive,” Lloyd murmurs. “Just unconscious.”

Nya finally wipes at her eyes, glancing at him, and her heart sinks. Lloyd’s eyes, normally so bright and cheery, are dull and downcast. There’s heartbreak written all across his face, and Nya wants to throttle Harumi for wiping his smile away like that.

“I’m so sorry, Lloyd,” she whispers.

Lloyd shakes his head, wiping surreptitiously at his own eyes. “I guess you were right. You can’t make peace with everyone,” he says, his voice wavering.

“Harumi is not everyone,” Kai says, firmly. He turns his eyes on Nya, and she shrinks under his gaze. “And she’s not you, either.”

Nya shakes her head. “Kai, you saw what I — Kai, I just—”

“You wiped the floor with her,” Kai cuts across. “That’s all that matters.”

“Kai—”

“Look, we’ll — can we figure it out in the morning?” Kai finally shudders, his composure faltering. “We can — we can work it out then, when everything’s not…not so…”

Nya stares at him, watching as he refuses to meet her gaze. His scarred hands are wrapped tightly around both her and Lloyd now, holding them close. She remembers the terror in his eyes as he’d launched the knife at her head, and the drowning horror as he’d charged at Lloyd.

“Alright,” she finally says, quietly. “Tomorrow."

[greekowl87]

Fic: Elegy for the Dead; Hope for the Living

A/N: I’ve been playing a lot of the X-Files in the background as I’ve been working the past few days. I just rewatched Elegy and got some major cancer arc angst inspiration. And I can’t sleep with anxiety again. So, cancer arc angst anyone? Lucky you! @today-in-fic @suitablyaggrieved @baronessblixen No beta. Sorry

She is me. 

Scully awoke, gasping for air, remembering the blood-stained letters in mirror reflecting back at her. Her nose bloody, unable to stop it or the cancer that was slowly killing her. She remembered Mulder telling her that only those close to death would see the ghosts. She had seen those dead spirits. That probably meant her own mortality wasn’t that far off.

She touched her nose, feeling the coppery blood. Turning on the light, she reached for a tissue to stem the bleeding. She pinched her nose and jogged to her bathroom. The stream of blood seemed never-ending. She pinched her nose tighter and leaned her head back. It had been two weeks since her last treatment and she was beginning to reconsider even doing them at all. She grabbed a new tissue and closed her eyes, feeling sudden pain.

She walked quickly to her bedroom, blindly grabbing her phone. She dialed Mulder’s number and he answered it on the first ring. “Scully? What is it?”

“Um, can you get over here as fast as you can?”

“Are you okay?”

“Can you just get over here?”

“I’m on my way.”

Her pulse was racing. She is me. See the dead girl and the apparition of Harold Spuller. She had tears as she rushed back to the bathroom. The nosebleed had slowed as she grabbed another tissue. Scully sat on the edge of her toilet seat and tried to take a few breaths. Not only was she trying to stem her nosebleed but she was also trying to curve the panic attack that was threatening to rise in her chest.

She checked the tissue, seeing that bleeding had finally stopped but now she could feel bile rising up in the back of her throat, stomach twisting. Her pulse spiked and she could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Then, she couldn’t handle it... nausea. She flipped open the toilet, got on her knees, and braced herself as the panic wrecked the rest of her body.

* * * * * 

Mulder sped into Georgetown on the empty Beltway. He managed to find a parking spot right in front of her building. He looked up to her apartment and saw the lights turned off. He rushed up the stairs and unlocked her door. Darkness greeted him as he stepped into the apartment. His heart stopped. “Scully? Scully!”

“I’m in the bathroom, Mulder.”

He could Scully’s shaking voice and in a few long strides, he went to her bathroom. She was sitting on the floor with her knees to her chest. Her hair was askew, her eyes bloodshot. “Scully? What happened?’

She lifted her hand and he saw tremors. “I can’t get my hand to stop shaking, Mulder.” She held up her other hand. “My hands won’t stop shaking. And my heart, it feels like it’s about to burst on my chest. I can’t stand. My head is swimming. I’ve been dry heaving for the past hour. I’m sick to my stomach.”

“Is it cancer?”

“I don’t think so.” She shook her head, tears in her eyes. “No.” She strangled a laugh. “It’s a panic attack. I have all the classic signs of a panic attack.” But her weak laughter turned in a sob and Mulder bent down in front of her. “I’ve never had a panic attack, Mulder!”

Mulder placed his hand against her breast bone and wrapped his arm around her. Carefully, not breaking contact, he sat next to her and pulled her against him. She cried harder and tried to curl into him. “I’m right here, Scully.” He kissed her hair and held her tighter. “I’m here.”

“I can’t breathe.” She began to hyperventilate and she pulled back in alarm. “Mulder!”

“Scully, it’s your panic attack. You have to calm down.”

“I don’t want to die. I don’t want to.” 

Her tears were coming faster and he frowned and pulled her into between his long legs. He wrapped his arms around her and tried to surround her like a blanket. He took a deep breath and held it and breathed out slowly. “Scully, you need to breathe. Breathe with me.” He took another deep breath, held it, and slowly exhaled. “Do you feel it, Scully? You have to breathe with me. Come on, let’s take another breath.”

Scully clutched his hands and tried to slow her breaths to match his. After about five minutes of repeating their breathing cycle, she could feel her world become a bit steadier.

“You okay?” She nodded, closing her eyes and leaned back against him. He tightened his arms around her. “Do you think you can stand?”

She shook her head. “I’ve been feeling light-headed and from throwing up...it really takes it out of me, Mulder.”

“Okay. Give me a second then.”

He stood up first and held out both of his large hands. Scully stared at them, her eyes trying to focus on them despite her swimming head. She grabbed his hands and he helped her stand effortlessly. “Are you okay?”

She swayed slightly and kept her eyes closed.  “I think so...I don’t know what happened. I woke up from a nightmare and then I had a nosebleed. I don’t know what possessed me to call you. I probably wasted your time.”

“I wouldn’t call this a waste of time. You had quite the panic attack from the looks of it.” He was silent, gently caressing her cheek. “Let’s get something to calm your stomach.”

“Mulder, I’m fine.”

He growled in frustration. “Scully, what did I tell you? The sooner you stop denying it, the more I can help you. Hearing you say you didn’t want to die tonight was the closest you’ve come to telling me the truth in the past seven months.”

She lowered her gaze, remembering her conversation with her therapist. “I don’t want to disappoint you.” Her confession was barely a whisper but loud enough for him to hear. “I’m sorry.”

Mulder sighed, shaking his head. “Don’t be.” He wrapped his arm around her neck and pulled her into a hug. “Aw, Scully. I can never be disappointed with you.” She nodded silently into his chest. “But let’s try to get some food into you. Do you have anything you think you might be able to stomach?”

She nodded. “I’ll get it…”

“No, you will sit on your couch. I’ll make it for you.”

“Mulder, it was just a tiny panic attack.”

“No, it wasn’t.” He rubbed her shoulder. “As a psychologist, I am telling you it was a bad one.”

“And I’m a doctor.”

“And together we make one hell of a team.” She looked up and smiled slightly. “I’ll take care of it. Why don’t you go lay down and I’ll make you something to eat.”

He lead her to to the couch and began to dig through her cabinets. Scully took her Afghan and wrapped around her shoulders. She watched him. “I have Lipton noodle soup above the sink. During my first rounds of radiation, that was one of the few things I could stomach.”

“Okay,” he smiled, “we got somewhere to start. So, I know Chef Mike personally who’ll do a great job on this.”

“Chef Mike,” she whispered. He saw her smile slightly. “Who’s that.”

He tapped her microwave proudly. She chuckled and nodded. “Chef Mike.”

Mulder quickly filled a microwaveable container with water and the soup mix and put it in for 12 minutes. He went to the sink and poured her a glass of water. They sat in silence for a bit. “So,” he began, walking to join her on the couch, “You want to tell me what happened?”

She drew her knees close. “A nightmare. She is me. I woke up with the nosebleed and then one thing led to another.”

“What did we just talk about, Scully?”

She cleared her throat, trying to organize her thoughts. “After I left tonight, I saw Harold Spuller’s apparition in the back of my car, Mulder. Just like I did with the murder victim. What you said about them being a fetch...an omen of death…” her voice trailed off and she wiped away fresh tears. “I don’t want to die, Mulder. I’m not ready to die. But I’m afraid. I am so afraid.”

“Is that what caused the panic attack?”

“Part of it and this nosebleed, I was afraid it wasn’t going to stop. I mean I’m a doctor but a part of me thought of the illogical possibilities.” She reached for the water Mulder had brought her. Her throat felt raw and the water soothed it a little. “I’m scared, Mulder. I’ve tried so hard to be strong and keep my faith but I have never felt more lost. I know I’m dying but I can’t accept it.”

He reached for her hand and held it. “That’s the first time since this all started you’ve told me how you actually feel.”

She cringed and hide her face in her other hand. “Sure you aren’t disappointed in me?”

“Why would I be?”

She shrugged. The microwave timer went off and he held up a finger to fetch her a mug of soup. Scully watched him, feeling so touched by his signs of affection. He returned with a steaming cup and handed her a spoon. She nodded and sipped the scalding liquid slowly. “Thank you.” She looked up to him and shrugged. “I don’t know. I feel like even after four years, I still have to prove myself to you.”

“You have nothing to prove to me, Scully.” He sighed. “I just wished you would have told me sooner. So you saw Spuller’s fetch huh?” She nodded. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe because you’re so close to death right now...you’re a pathologist…”

“Mulder,” she whispered, “We both know what it is. It’s the cancer.”

“That doesn’t mean you won’t get better,” he said. She ate more of the soup. “I refuse to believe it.”

“Mulder, I’m getting worse, not better.” She sighed. “I went to the doctor after my previous nosebleed and things were fine. I am not lying about that; I do feel fine. Most days but my treatments...I’m not responding to them anymore. It’s getting worse. We need to have this conversation. We’ve both been avoiding it.”

“You aren’t going to die from this, Scully. I won’t let it happen.”

“Oh, Mulder,” she whispered fondly “If I only had the strength of your beliefs.”

“I’ll find you a cure, Scully. I swear to God, I’ll find you a cure.” 

The tone and seriousness with which he vowed to her made her shiver. Maybe this was a conversation for another night. “Mulder,” she tried to downplay it. “Maybe...maybe this is the wrong time.”

“When will there be a time, Scully? I’m not going to let you die.” He took her hand and squeezed it. “I promise you, I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

She had tears in her eyes. “I’m not going to be able to eat all this myself.” She wiped them away. “And it’s late. I don’t want to see you driving home this late. Do you mind staying here tonight?”

Mulder titled his head. “I would be happy too, Scully.”

She gave a small smile as he got up to get the rest of the soup. They ate in silence, finishing it off. Somehow, unspoken communication did more for them compared to when they used their words. They finished the soup and Mulder washed out the mugs. Scully stood up on unsteady feet. He came to her side and she grasped his hand, leading him to her bedroom. Mulder felt his heart race. This was the stuff of his fantasies, but right now, those dreams took a back seat in favor of the present. “Stay with me, please, Mulder?”

“Whatever you want, Scully.”

He took away the Afghan and helped her into bed and gently tucked her in. He went to the other side of her bed and sat next to her. “I am sorry for not telling you the truth before,” she whispered.

He lay down on top of the covers next to her, kicking his shoes off in the process. “It’s okay. But you have to trust me when I say we’ll get through this together.”

Scully recalled the fetches. He turned onto his side and held out his arm. She snuggled against him. “I hope you are right,” she whispered.

“We will.” He hugged her tightly. “I’m glad you called me.”

She closed her eyes as he nuzzled her hair. “So am I.”

[agustdef]

Knucklehead - Part 2

Pairing: Yoongi x OC [From Here & Now]

Genre: Idol!AU; Fluff; Some Angst

Word Count: 14.3k

Warning: Some angst. Some language. Mention of an almost panic attack.

Rating: PG15

Banner Marker: @shadowsremedy​

Lovely Beta Reader: @shadowsremedy​

Author’s Note: So, this is the second and final part of a two-shot for the Bangtan Scenery ‘April Showers Bring May Flowers’ collab. This is Part One of it. 

Summary: Sometimes you have to work a little harder to rebuild what was broken.

Kendall dreaded most of her nightly facetimes with Yoongi and she hated that. But the discomfort and fear that came with them just wouldn’t let up, even when six months had passed since the incident. Even as they both got comfortable with each other again and the guilt eased on either side. There was just this lingering voice in her head that said she needed to be careful before she messed up again. Messed up and really ruined their relationship, which was the last thing she ever wanted and feared she would if she slipped up in the slightest.

That fear was why two hours before every call she went through a checklist of things that needed to be done. She tried to check it as she did each task throughout the day, but sometimes she forgot one or two things. And if something on that list hadn’t been done, she’d do it, so she didn’t have to lie about doing it if he asked or if the conversation led there. Lying would help no one, especially herself.

The night of the last call before she’d see him in person - the first time in three months - was beyond nerve wracking. She’d gotten caught up in work and was left with an hour to get everything checked off. That meant reheating her dinner and finishing it off, doing a quick fifteen-minute workout to compensate for how little she’d been able to leave her desk, and showering.

By the time the call came in she was still working on washing her face and answered just before she could rinse off the face wash.

“Hello?” Yoongi said.

Ken was out of frame which probably confused him, but once she’d dried her face the phone was adjusted so that he could see her.

“Hi,” she said.

Yoongi stared at her for a moment and said nothing, which made her stomach uneasy. But before the nerves could truly settle in, he smiled at her. One of those soft, genuine ones that expressed he was happy in some capacity. It soothed the discomfort that started to brew in her stomach and mind.

“Are you just getting in?” he asked.

Kendall shook her head but didn’t respond right away as she poured toner into her hands to pat into her skin. Once that was done, she turned her attention back to him.

“No, I came back around five. But I took a nap and it lasted longer than I intended it to. Which would’ve been fine if I didn’t wake up to Ara asking for me to do some last-minute edits before she sent off my manuscript. So, I finished that in like two hours, but got so distracted trying to rephrase a sentence that it was later than I intended to finish.”

Every word she said was careful, Kendall didn’t want to risk going on a tangent and saying the wrong thing the wrong way. Even if it were a simple misunderstanding that could be cleared up in seconds, she wanted to avoid it.

But even with how she worded it Yoongi frowned at her.

“Did you eat?”

Kendall nodded; her eyes focused on the mirror in front of her as she applied a vitamin c serum.

“Yes. That’s why I needed the nap and I ate again a little after I woke up.”

She’d hoped it would end there, but of course it didn’t.

“But why so late for lunch?” Yoongi asked.

Without missing a beat, she answered. “I started my day later than usual by waking up at eleven. Breakfast wasn’t eaten until almost noon, so lunch wasn’t eaten until four. Plus, it was a work lunch thing with Marcus, which meant I was going to eat more than I should anyway.”

That left him silent and though it was killing her, Kendall refused to look at her phone again until she finished the rest of her skincare. It gave her time to steel her nerves if he was going to be upset with her.

When she finally did look his gaze was elsewhere and she realized he was talking to someone else. He’d pulled the phone away, so she just simply hadn’t heard him or the other person speaking. And that was much better than him silently being upset with her. Especially since the last time he’d gone that quiet on her was the day before he barely spoke to her for a month.

By the time he started paying attention again she’d moved from the bathroom to the bedroom, snuggled comfortably under her blanket. For a moment he appeared thrown off by the change in scenery, but he bounced back quickly.

“Uh, what were we talking about?” he mumbled, but before she could answer he was talking again. “Oh, yeah. So, you ate. That’s… good.”

The hope that his momentary distraction would bring a subject change was gone and she deflated a little. But she didn’t want him to notice, so she kept her face neutral and nodded. If he caught on, he didn’t say anything about that, just stared at her again with his expression making him appear deep in thought.

It was so freaking awkward, and Kendall didn’t know what to say or do, so she simply turned her attention to flipping through Netflix. It was about a minute or so later that she found something to rewatch and the words to say.

“So, what do you have planned for today?” she asked.

“Uh, we leave for the airport in an hour. They changed our flights last minute, so I’m just working on something until Jin says the van is here. He came over for breakfast.”

“Oh, makes sense,” she mumbled.

Though she’d come up with a question to get things moving her brain hadn’t thought far ahead enough to have another one ready. Thankfully, Yoongi was ready to take control of the conversation.

“Did you finish the season without me? Don’t think I didn’t see Netflix reflect being four episodes ahead and then back again a day later,” he accused.

That took away Kendall’s other worries as she tried to lie her way out of saying she’d binged almost to the end. Watching shows together meant no skipping ahead at all and it was a punishable offense. There was no way she was going to outright admit it, at least not without putting up a fight.

And so, for the rest of their call they talked about that and then a few songs that Yoongi stumbled upon. He thought she’d like them, so he played them, and they listened together, chatting here and there.

Forty-five minutes later Jin came to get Yoongi since their ride was there. Yoongi waved him off and then went to say bye to Kendall.

“I’ll text you before takeoff and when we land, okay?” he said.

Kendall nodded. “I’ll probably be at this work thing when you guys get here, so I’ll see you after or the next day.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said.

After throwing her a quick finger heart Yoongi hung up and Kendall was alone with her thoughts. And her thoughts weren’t pretty. They lingered on the memory of his expression when she mentioned how her eating went that day and the one when she brought up the work event she had to attend. It was the same expression he gave her every time eating, rest, or working came into play. The worry was etched strongly into his features and she appreciated that he cared, but she missed not having to see it so much. Not having to see that fear that she wasn’t taking care of herself. Not having to see the lack of trust in her ability to function on a healthy level.

She understood why, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

The clear lack of faith in her was a dagger to the heart and she couldn’t stop the tears that flowed because of it. It wasn’t surprising though since she often cried herself to sleep after their calls.

The first day and a half of the boys being in California was spent relaxing around the house the company rented for their stay. Usually they’d have schedules almost immediately, but for once they were allowed a bit more freedom. And that freedom meant that they stayed in the house and only left their room’s when someone mentioned a group movie watch.

Yoongi barely wanted to leave his room for that. Kendall had to force him to get up or he would’ve stayed cuddled with her like they had been since she’d arrived. Which she clearly didn’t mind but told him that moving about and interacting with others for a few hours would help with the jet lag a little. Yoongi didn’t agree with that, but he gave in after she gave him several kisses.

That was how she got him to do most things during that day of relaxation. And when the next morning came and she needed to leave for something he required more kisses than either of them could count.

In truth he would’ve let her go after the first two, but then he saw that she was willing to continue giving them until he’d release her, so he got greedy. But after five minutes of being held hostage she broke free and left him all alone. He hoped sleep would come to him again, but after half an hour of nothing he was forced to get up.

After a brief shower and change he stumbled down the stairs to the living room where he found a few of the others loitering around. They were all dressed and looked ready to leave, which confused him.

“Where are you going?” he asked, making his presence known.

Jungkook looked his way first, his eyes widening from their half-closed state from when Yoongi entered the room. The kid looked like he was ready to pass out at any second.

“We’re going out for breakfast, remember?” Jin said.

Yoongi was at a loss because he couldn’t recall that ever being the plan. He’d expected at least half the day spent in the house until their schedule later on. He was ready to say he didn’t remember, but then the memory of Halsey texting Namjoon about going out during the movie came back to him.

“Oops.”

At that Jin rolled his eyes and then his focus went back to his phone. Yoongi joined him on the couch and messed around on his own phone, returning texts, and checking social media. After a few minutes everyone was downstairs and ready to go.

They piled into two separate vans and headed to wherever Halsey had set up the breakfast.

As they went Yoongi’s mind drifted to Kendall. He missed her, but he mostly wondered what she was doing. She hadn’t divulged the details, just said there was some work that she needed to do or something of that nature. Yoongi hoped she ate before she got too busy and planned to text her about it until his attention was drawn elsewhere.

“Did you get a chance to look at the thing I told you about last night?” Hoseok asked Yoongi.

Again, Yoongi was left a little confused before his brain caught up. He really needed coffee or something if he was going to get through the day.

“No,” he said.

At that Hoseok sighed and pulled out his phone. He tapped around for a little while until something was pulled up. Then he handed Yoongi one of his air pods and waited until it was firmly in the elder’s ear before pressing play.

Yoongi sat back and listened, his mind focusing solely on the sounds from the headphones. It was a slow building instrumental and then suddenly there was the injection of Hobi’s usual style when the drop hit. There were some things he’d change, but he liked it. Actually, he loved it and that excitement made him forget that he was going to check on Kendall. He and Hobi dove into a deep discussion about what the goal was for it and a few tweaks that could help it along.

They were so in their own world that everyone had gotten out of the car and it took Jin coming back to knock on the window to get their attention. But that didn’t stop them. Even after they got out of the car, into the restaurant, and greeted Halsey they still were immersed in discussion. They even pulled in Joon at some point and the three of them were huddled in the booth typing things into their phones or writing them down on napkins.

They would’ve remained that way had Jimin not gotten annoyed and slapped the table a little. “Hey! We can’t keep telling the waitress we need more time.”

That gained their attention and a sheepish expression from all of them. After that they turned their attention to the menus and when the waitress showed up again, they were ready to order. Yoongi ordered coffee and the waitress must have seen how much he needed it because she returned with a large mug for him moments later.

With food orders out of the way everyone went into conversation.

“How much do you guys have to do before the Grammys?” Halsey asked.

At that they all groaned.

Namjoon huffed. “We have ten different interviews, performance practice for the Grammys and for another show, some random appearances here and there, plus some music to work on with some producers while we’re here. And let’s not get started about what comes after the awards.”

Halsey grimaced and tried to give some reassuring words, but nothing could be said that would alleviate all the tension they were feeling. Even Yoongi was feeling immense pressure when he usually handled it the best. Or at least appeared to handle it the best.

The more he sat and thought about the schedule Sejin showed them, the more he wished he was back in bed with Kendall again. That was infinitely better than most things, but definitely better than their packed schedule. You’d think that over time he’d get used to BigHit having them work so much, but that was far from the truth.

“Well, you have the parties to look forward to this time. I know you guys plan to go to one or two. And you’re going to the Roc Nation Brunch, right Yoongi?”

He nodded and chewed on his lower lip. The thought of the brunch didn’t ease his nerves, but it did get him to smile a little. He couldn’t help but look forward to going to an event that was bound to have many people whose music he admired.

“Yeah. Kendall decided to go this time and I’m going with her. We have to go see a stylist to finalize some things in a few days,” Yoongi said.

Halsey smiled. “You must be excited. I know a few of your favorite rappers were invited and a few artists you said you’d like to work with. And who want to work with you.”

All Yoongi could do was nod. He felt giddy just thinking about it and refused to be that outwardly happy in public. The place was mostly empty because of security reasons, but that was beside the point.

After he didn’t elaborate, the conversation turned to Halsey’s schedules. She was also performing and presenting at the Grammys, so they’d be seeing a lot of each other.

When the food arrived, silence reigned for a while unless someone had a comment or wanted to try something another person ordered. The more he ate the more Yoongi felt awake and like a functioning human being. Well, that and all the coffee he was consuming. He didn’t go too crazy because it would leave him jittery, but he had enough that he would be wide awake for several hours after the fact.

Just as they were finishing up though, a call brought everyone’s attention to Halsey. She gave a quick apology and walked away to answer it. When she came back, she was rolling her eyes and laughing.

“What?” Jungkook asked.

Halsey shook her head. “Nothing. Ken was calling me to ask about a few words in French because she needed them, and Google was of no help to her.”

Jungkook nodded, but then pursed his lips. “What is she doing anyway? I know I saw her leave the house earlier and she just mentioned she had something to do.”

After downing the rest of her water Halsey answered. “She had a writer’s club thing scheduled for today. They go to some cafe around here that a friend owns and write or brainstorm for a while. I think she said the session was going to be like five hours or so. She’s almost at the climax of her draft and was eager to get it done and over with.”

A weird feeling overtook Yoongi when she said that, but he tried to keep it at bay; he didn’t want to go down that train of thought. Doing that would only be taking two steps back in all the progress he made since the incident. It wasn’t like Kendall was spending all day there and she was with other people. People who were surely responsible enough to know when it was time to call it quits.

He refused to think about the possibilities of her slipping into old habits.

In his attempt to regain control of his thoughts he almost missed the cue to leave as everyone got up. He followed behind in a careful manner and tried to keep his focus on them and what was happening in the moment. There was mention of shopping around for an hour or two which was approved by Sejin. He didn’t need to buy anything or necessarily want to, but he didn’t mind the distraction.

With the plan in place they headed out and got into their respective vans. As they drove down the street a sign caught Yoongi’s attention because the name was familiar, but he came up short on why. It wasn’t really important, so he didn’t try too hard to remember and found his attention moving to the other shops that they passed. A few were brands he was fond of or stores he wanted to check out, which overtook his whole not needing or wanting anything thought from before. If something caught his eye and he didn’t think the price was ridiculous then maybe he’d indulge.

That thinking kept him occupied for a while as they finally exited the cars and started going in and out of stores. Everyone kept the purchases small, except for Hoseok who seemed to find something in almost every store. The man could shop for days. And as always Yoongi indulged him, following him to each store and looking around until he was done.

An hour in as they stopped to grab something to drink at a Starbucks did something click in Yoongi’s head. The name on that sign was familiar because it was the one that Kendall’s friend owned and the place she usually did her gatherings.

And just like that Yoongi’s mind was drifting where it shouldn’t. To all the things that could go wrong if she hadn’t eaten or hydrated or didn’t have her wrist braces. To if she’d been working a lot in the days leading up and if she was on a deadline of any kind that she was hyper-focused on. To the way she looked leading up to the incident. To what she looked like when he’d found her passed out and when she lay unconscious in the hospital.

It drove him up the wall and he unconsciously pulled out his phone and texted her. The message was a simple check-in message, not something out of the ordinary. What was out of the ordinary though was the way he reacted when a few minutes passed and there was no response. There was a series of texts sent.

Yoongi: I just wanted to see if you were busy or we could talk for a second?

Yoongi: Just checking in on you

Yoongi: And I miss you

Yoongi: Hello?

Yoongi: Kendall…

The more he texted without response the more the worry settled into his chest and wouldn’t leave. Yoongi tried to be reasonable, but his brain just kept flashing images of her in the hospital.

That led to him calling her, to which he was also met with no response. Her voicemail said something about being out of touch for a few hours and getting back to the caller later.

That’s when he knew that he was being unreasonable. He knew that he needed to calm down and stop overthinking things. But by the time he’d taken a deep breath and pulled himself together he’d already led Hoseok and their security to a shop that was near the cafe. It was right next door.

When he noticed he stopped in his tracks.

Hoseok bumped into him because of the suddenness and started to grumble until he stood next to Yoongi and saw what he was looking at. From the look on his face it was clear he knew what was happening.

“Just pop in and say hi. Don’t say anything crazy to upset her.” He patted Yoongi on the shoulder and started towards the store with one of the guards.

Upsetting her was the last thing Yoongi wanted, but something about the way Hoseok said it made him feel weird. Like the younger man knew information that he didn’t, but he had no time to think that over. He was in broad daylight and needed to get a move on so not to draw attention.

So, with his guard in tow he walked over to the cafe, took a deep breath, and knocked. It took a few more knocks to get someone to come to the door and when they did it was a woman who looked very annoyed with him. Though the expression vanished after she clearly registered who it was.

“You’re here for Kendall?” she asked.

Yoongi nodded. “Was just coming to see her for a minute.”

The woman nodded and led them farther into the cafe after locking the door. They were instantly met with the stares of everyone who was there, well everyone except Kendall who was still in her own world. She had to have her arm slapped before she pushed her headphones off and paid attention. After glaring at the person who’d hit her, her eyes flitted over to Yoongi and widened.

Without a word she got up and walked over to him. “What are you doing here?”

Yoongi shrugged, trying to play it cool. “We were nearby doing some shopping and I remembered you mentioning this place, so I thought I’d swing by for a second. I missed you.”

That had Kendall narrowing her eyes at him. She grasped his hand and led him over toward the kitchen area of the cafe, directing his guard to take a seat.

Once they were alone, she turned to him with her brow raised. “So, you missed me and were in the area?”

Yoongi continued to try and play it cool, but when his eyes found the slightest things “off” about her he found it a struggle. There were slight bags under her eyes and the way she carried herself just presented this tired exterior. How had he not noticed how tired she was before?

After he realized he’d remained silent for too long he shook his head and cleared his throat. “Yeah, like I said we were around and as we were walking, we came this way and I thought I’d come see you while Hobi checked out his twentieth store.”

It took a moment, but then Kendall’s face relaxed as did her body. The defensive stance she took left her and Yoongi felt relieved that she was no longer seeing through him. She opened her mouth to speak, but instead ended up covering up a long yawn. That sent Yoongi into overdrive and though he was still careful he had to say something.

“You seem tired, baby. You sure you don’t need a nap?” he joked.

Kendall laughed, but was cut off by yet another yawn. Once that one was done, she groaned. “Maybe, I do.”

Yoongi thought that was a great opening. “How about you come take one with me?”

The thing was he miscalculated when the right time to say something like that was. Kendall froze after that and her defenses went back up. Yoongi watched as she went from calm to basically glaring at him.

He messed up.

Kendall took a deep breath before speaking. “I didn’t tell you what I was doing today or where I’d be. Meaning you heard it from Hals, which is fine it’s not like I was keeping a secret and I know you all were together when I called. So, none of that is a problem. And I didn’t make a fuss about you coming and disturbing this whole writing thing, something you know not to do unless it’s an emergency, because I missed you and hated having to leave this morning. So also, not a problem. But what is becoming a problem is you here lying to my face. So, tell me why you’re here, Yoongi.”

Yoongi was conflicted and wanted to play it off but lying to her would do more damage and he didn’t want that. Especially not in a place that wasn’t private where they could work out his brief moment of stupidity.

“We were in the area and that is why I came by. I wanted to check in on you. Make sure things were going okay and that you weren…”

She cut him off. “That I wasn’t pushing myself too hard?”

Shame filled him, but he nodded his head.

What he expected was for her to rant and rave about how tired she was of him doing that or being offended, but what he got instead were glossy eyes. He wanted to console her, but he didn’t know what to say or do. He felt out of his element.

“I haven’t properly written in two weeks because I had other work and didn’t want to overextend myself. Any writing I have done was edits here and there for Ara or just me taking a moment to go through the manuscript because I had down time. These next few weeks are crazy for me since everyone comes into town for the awards and I run around to see friends or enjoy sessions. This day was one of the few I was taking to sit and actually put words down. To make progress so I don’t feel shitty when things mellow out and I have more time to do things like write. And to hang out with friends I haven’t had the chance to see much of,” she said.

As she spoke Yoongi watched as her eyes became glossier and finally a tear or two slipped from them. Her voice also grew softer, and each word made her sound so disconnected from what she was saying. It broke his heart.

“Kendall,” he said, stepping closer to wipe the tears from her face.

Shaking her head, she took several steps back and used the sleeve of her - well his - sweater to get rid of the tears herself.

“You should go,” she said.

He wanted to comfort her, to apologize, but it wasn’t the right place and he’d already done enough. Nodding, he whispered a brief see you later and I love you before turning to leave. He didn’t even say anything as he went, just inclined his head so the guard would follow and left the cafe.

Hoseok emerged from the store seconds after and after one look at Yoongi’s face shook his head. Without a word they walked back to where the van waited for them.

Avoiding Yoongi was what Kendall wanted to do, but of course it was the one time one of his visits to California meant they’d be seeing a lot of each other. The boys had jam pack schedules that took them all over the city and some of those included pre-Grammy events. And Kendall was forced to go to those for networking purposes and sometimes solely to be some sort of representative for her company since most of the producers there were freelance.

So, after two days of dry text responses and refusing to go where he was, she was forced in the same room as him. Which would’ve been fine if she could ignore him the entire time or maintain her indifference, but they were in a public space. The slightest hint of trouble in paradise led to everyone and their mama knowing and having something to say about it. She’d already seen how people got after they’d both been having a bad day and didn’t seem particularly fond of anyone, let alone each other. Everyone was ready to hear that they’d broken up or something.

No one wanted that, so she’d had to suck it up and relinquish the hurt that she felt. It was hard, but she prepared herself mentally for it. That and the reminder that she only had to stay for a few hours and would be forced to mingle helped. The more talking to others the less time spent in his presence or so she hoped.

When she arrived at the event - an hour after it started - everything was in full swing. People had drinks and were talking to everyone and anyone they could cling to. It made her want to leave right that second, but she had an obligation; so, she grabbed a drink and allowed herself to be whisked away by the first person who approached her.

Thankfully, luck was on her side. The first person to grab her was an acquaintance she’d made while working on a song for a Bruno Mars album. She’d enjoyed their presence and they kept in touch some. He brought her over to a group of his friends - newer producers - and she hit it off with them instantly. They talked about themselves and projects they’d worked on. Two of them wanted to break into producing for international music and asked her how she’d gotten into working with K-pop artists on stuff.

The conversation was so nice that she’d pushed away her thoughts of worry and sadness, it held her focus. Though it only lasted an hour.

“Why are they staring at them like that?” Jess, one of the producers, asked.

That caused Kendall to pause mid-sentence to follow her gaze. Once she found what held her attention the feelings came flooding back to her, but they were quickly overshadowed by different ones. Off in the distance all the boys stood or sat around a table with one or two of their friends. But all around them clusters of people talked amongst each other but stared the boys down in a way that was uncomfortable on several levels.

Of course, there couldn’t be at one event they went to that people weren’t on their bullshit. They just didn’t know how to interact like normal humans, as if any of the boys would bite them or something.

Kendall turned back to the group, but they were already shooing her away. She reminded herself to get their contact info before she left the event and then made her way over to where the guys were.

As she walked over heads turned in her direction, but as soon as she made eye contact with those people they looked away and put some distance between the guys and themselves. It pleased her that they still remembered she’d come for anyone who did or said anything that upset any of them and she wouldn’t pull her punches.

And her glare was so effective that as she got closer to the boys everyone’s attention was actually focused on who they were talking to.

Once she reached the table, she greeted them all, but moved to Yoongi’s side immediately. They weren’t people known for large displays of public affection, but when out together they remained close. So, when she walked up, he laced his fingers in hers as soon as she reached for his hand and they smiled at each other.

The smiles were forced, but not necessarily fake. At least on Kendall’s end. She had a reason to smile, she was amongst friends and just left a wonderful conversation, but there were also reasons to not be that into it. First, she’d had to come and put a stop to people making the boys feel awkward. Second, as she noted that people weren’t blatantly staring or gossiping the hurt bubbled back up.

Maintaining eye contact with Yoongi long enough that she didn’t seem to be dodging his gaze was hard, but she managed it. When that awkward situation was done, she turned her attention to everyone else.

“How long have you guys been here?” she asked.

Namjoon glanced down at his watch. “A little after they started. Sejin wanted us to get here earlier to make sure we talked to somebody. That happened in the first ten minutes and now we’re just here for a while.”

Kendall nodded.

“How about you?” Jungkook asked.

“Oh, I was an hour late.”

At that they all rolled their eyes and she heard a few murmurs about how she was lucky she could just show up whenever. It made her laugh that they envied her when they were all at the event against their will for longer than they wanted to be.

After that small talk they all dove into discussing something Namjoon read and thought everyone else should read too. It was hard to tell him no when he was so passionate about something, so they all let him talk up the book. Kendall had to admit by the time he finished she planned to at least look it up.

But even as she attempted to give him most of her attention her gaze and mind continued to wander towards Yoongi. He was also listening intently, but every so often he’d glance her way with something that could’ve been akin to longing. And she wanted to give in but then her mind flashed back to two days before. The worry on his face and the way he’d tried to find a roundabout way to get her to leave her session early. But most of all the lack of trust in her being able to take care of herself. That hurt the most and though a part of her deemed it a valid worry of his, it didn’t take away the fact that she wasn’t okay with it and was upset. And no matter how much she reasoned with herself she couldn’t look past that. She couldn’t bring herself to talk it out either. Not yet.

And if forced to spend more time in that set up she would’ve bought the book Namjoon was talking about and given into Yoongi. But she was saved by the clearing of a throat into a mic. Everyone’s attention moved to the makeshift stage near the bar, watching and listening intently as the host introduced themselves. From there a few speakers went up and there was a newer artist who was nominated for a Grammy who performed. Kendall really liked their sound and made a mental note to check out more of their work.

After about an hour and a half of that everyone went back to conversing amongst themselves, but the crowd had seemingly grown. People were much closer to the group then they were before, and they seemed to be trying to talk to the boys more. Kendall wasn’t even the focus and she was overwhelmed, so she couldn’t imagine how they felt about it.

That is until she felt a hard squeeze to her hand. Glancing up she noted that Yoongi was nodding along to whatever the man in front of him was saying, but his body was tense. And from the way he grimaced every so often she could tell he wasn’t okay.

Too many people around with focus on him in a space he wasn’t comfortable in wasn’t a good combination. It led to small attacks and she wanted to avoid those.

Kendall had to interject.

Putting on a small smile she turned her attention to the man talking. “I’m sorry. I need to borrow him for a moment. So, if you would excuse us.”

There was no waiting for a response from him, she merely used their interlocked fingers to pull Yoongi away from the table and the crowd. As they went, she made eye contact with Sejin who nodded in understanding, but she didn’t stop walking until they were out of the main hall and inside an empty supply closet.

Once inside she turned so she was facing him, releasing his hand so both of hers could cup his face. He didn’t look at her at first, his eyes closed and his chest moving rapidly as he regulated his breathing. That hurt her heart and she felt the frustration brewing, but she kept it at bay. Leaning forward she pressed her forehead to his and her eyes fluttered shut. She started breathing deep and slow, her fingers caressing his cheeks. After a few seconds, his breathing matched hers and once she felt he was calm her eyes opened.

The second hers were open so were his. There was still a strong sense of unease in his expression, but he no longer looked on the verge of an attack. It gave her some relief.

“You okay?” she asked softly.

Yoongi nodded.

“Yoon. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Again, his eyes closed, and she was worried he was slipping into an attack, but when he opened them again, he appeared more at peace.

“I promise, baby,” he said, his voice scratchy.

She nodded, softly chewing on her lower lip for a moment.

“Do you want to leave? We can tell Sejin and I’m sure the boys are looking for an excuse to escape.”

“Please,” he said.

That was all Kendall needed before she was pulling out her phone. To her surprise Namjoon had already texted to say they were leaving and would head to where they were staying before meeting at her apartment. Yoongi had clothes at her place so there was no need for him to go back with them.

“They’re already gone. Is going back to mine okay?” she asked.

Yoongi opened his mouth to speak, but then he just nodded again. He was still clearly fighting off the effects of what almost happened.

Kendall wanted him out of there as soon as possible. So, she pressed a kiss to his nose and then grabbed his hand, leading them out to her car. And even after they had to let go of each other to get in, their hands found each other again once secured inside. She drove with their fingers intertwined, allowing Yoongi to use her hand as a distraction.

When they arrived at the apartment, she grabbed some things and took a shower in the guest bathroom. She wanted to stick to Yoongi’s side, but she also knew he needed some time to himself. No matter how much having people around helped a moment to collect yourself and work through it always helped more.

About half an hour after their arrival the boys showed up with food and Yoongi emerged from her bedroom swathed in a large hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. He didn’t say much of anything and no one pushed him to. They all ate their dinner in a comfortable silence while watching something Taehyung choose on the TV.

Though Kendall thought the night would remain calm the boys chose to play some video games and Mario Kart and Smash Bros got them real competitive. It was amusing to watch, but it made her happy because it’s what brought Yoongi out of his shell and got him to smile a little.

However, after three hours and them still going strong Kendall felt tired. No matter how much she tried her eyes wouldn’t remain open and it was time to throw in the towel.

She carefully got off the couch, catching none of their attention, and moved toward her bedroom. Before she disappeared though she turned around and clapped loudly, gaining everyone’s focus, and making someone lose.

“I’m going to bed. You can stay or you can go. You all know that I don’t care, and the extra blankets and pillows are where they always are.”

At that they nodded and refocused their attention on starting up the game. And Kendall made it to her bedroom, pushing back her blanket and once laid out she allowed it to consume her.

As she laid there and listened to the boys’ yell, she hoped it would be the thing to lull her to sleep, but nothing came. Her mind wandered, several subjects coming to the forefront as she dodged the one thing that was the real reason she was still up. It was persistent, always finding a way to weave itself into something else she was thinking about. After some time, it reached a point where she was in tears because she couldn’t shake it.

That vulnerability was all it needed to strike.

Her thoughts were the same every night. How life was so stressful and how she still felt in that weird limbo with Yoongi. And the recent incident didn’t help her at all. It made her feel like she was farther away from fixing things fully than she actually was. Made her think that Yoongi would never trust her in that aspect of her life ever again. And reminded her of how she’d failed herself in not seeing the signs of her downfall. Her therapist said that she couldn’t blame herself for that and she agreed with her, but that didn’t stop the thoughts from surfacing.

It was all too much and before she knew it all it took was the soft shouting of Yoongi to send her into a full-on sob. She wished she could stop it, but all that she could manage was maintaining her silence.

Kendall didn’t know how long she laid there crying to herself or when the boys stopped yelling at each other. The next time she became aware of anything besides what was going on in her head was when the bed dipped, and she was pulled into a chest.

Yoongi whispered softly that it was okay and that he was there while wiping her tears away. She wasn’t very present, but she heard him sniffle and that’s when the dam broke a little more. It wasn’t long before she felt tears that weren’t from her.

They both laid there and cried until sleep claimed them.

The next morning Yoongi woke up in the bed alone and tucked in. When he finally had the energy to venture out, he found Kendall in the kitchen with Jin preparing breakfast. They were in their own little world and he didn’t dare disturb that, even if he did have questions about how he’d found her the night before.

He greeted them, made his coffee, and found the other boys in the living room. They all appeared as disheveled as he felt, so the room plummeted into silence after brief good mornings were uttered. Everyone focused on the TV playing some show in front of them, but it didn’t really hold their attention. Or at least it didn’t hold Yoongi’s attention much.

After waking up Yoongi was always a bit out of it for a while, even as he functioned as if he were wide awake. It took some time - and some coffee - to get him to a point where things felt not so distorted. Food also helped, and thankfully after the second failed attempt to keep his eyes open it was done and being brought into the living room. It was the usual location for them to eat despite Kendall having a perfectly comfortable dining area.

Eating was also a silent affair. There was a little talking occasionally, but it was mostly asking someone to pass something here or there. But there was nothing off about that kind of thing, the combination of food and just waking up was reason enough to not want to speak to each other. Plus it wasn’t like the silence left things awkward, they’d all grown comfortable enough with each other to just simply be in each other’s presence sometimes.

By the time they finished everyone was much livelier and seemed ready to start the day. At that point they prepped to rotate taking showers to get ready for the day. Some of the boys had separate things they wanted to do and Sejin apparently dropped some stuff off for them, so they didn’t have to leave to get ready.

Yoongi jumped into the shower while Kendall and Jin cleaned the dishes - something they insisted on. By the time he stepped out of it his mind was cleared and he only had one thought in his head. Why was Kendall crying? He feared there was something wrong that she hadn’t told him about. But he also feared that he’d been the cause of her tears. There was no clear way for him to know which one scared him more.

It didn’t matter though, he needed to know what was wrong so he could possibly help someway. Knowing that he was maybe the cause was better than not knowing at all. Especially if it wasn’t the first time it occurred.

So, when Kendall walked into the room moments after he finished getting dressed, he opened his mouth to speak, but didn’t get the chance.

“Goodness, I feel like I sweated through every orifice of my body last night. I definitely need to shower again,” she said dramatically, already pulling off her clothes.

That made him pause and smile a little at her behavior. It halted his thoughts of saying something long enough that just as he attempted to speak again, she was already cutting him off.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. But Max said he was coming a little earlier and since we all slept in, he should be here soon. Can you make sure someone lets him up?” she asked, turning to look at him for the first time since she entered.

Yoongi knew that was his moment to say it, but then his brain short circuited seeing her naked like that and that momentary lapse told him he wasn’t ready for that conversation yet. He wouldn’t be reacting like some kid seeing his first boob if his brain wasn’t looking for something else to focus on so he could avoid the crying.

He nodded.

Kendall smiled and gave him a thumbs up before skipping into the bathroom. Once the door was closed Yoongi fell back onto the bed and groaned. Of course, he froze up just as he almost did it. Of course, his mind drifted elsewhere. All he’d done for the last few months was struggle with getting to the point with her and things were suffering because of it. He thought he’d gotten better, but obviously not back to normal.

He hated the weird place they were in.

There was no stewing in his annoyance for long though, he needed to keep a lookout for Max. Raising from the bed, he grabbed his phone and shuffled out to the living room. Taehyung, Jimin, and Namjoon were laid out on the couch and focused on their phones. All of them in a fresh pair of clothes and slightly damp hair.

“What are you guys doing?” Namjoon asked once Yoongi took a seat.

Taehyung and Jimin said they were going to see a few museums or something. Once they finished Yoongi muttered about going to a studio with Kendall, Max, and a few others.

Namjoon perked up at that. “Can I come?”

His suddenness startled Yoongi who glanced over at him with a raised brow. “I thought you were going with the other three?”

At that Namjoon simply shrugged. “We were going to go out a little far out to get some pictures and just relax, but I kind of want to go to the studio. Even if it’s just sitting there and hanging out versus doing anything productive.”

Yoongi could get that. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s fine. It was us all just catching up and messing around anyway. It’s one of those rare times everyone is in the same place so we can meet up and meet people.”

Namjoon smiled at that and got up heading towards the guest bedroom. Yoongi could hear him tell the others he was abandoning them with a whole of excitement. He was sure if the younger man didn’t specify what he was leaving for they’d be offended.

In his absence Max showed up and Yoongi let him in. They greeted each other with the same friendly fondness that they always did. And as usual they dove into their own world after Max said hello to the others. The conversation was focused on catching up and what they were up to. They both were very over all the things they had to show up for during the days leading up to the Grammys. Every event was basically the same and they’d much prefer chilling or doing something that they wanted to.

“So, you’re going to the Roc Nation Brunch?” Max asked.

Yoongi nodded. “Yeah, Kendall doesn’t want to go alone.”

“And you also really want to go and see who you can meet,” Max said, seeing right through him.

Yoongi laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. Of course, everyone saw through his whole thing about just going for Kendall. He was going for that reason, but he wasn’t going to deny that he was excited to be amongst people he looked up to all his life or admired. Even if nothing came of it, he'd still have a good time being there.

Before he could verbalize anything though Kendall emerged from the bedroom dressed and hair up in a bun. She smiled at Max and waved before venturing down to the guest bedroom. Her head peaked in and Yoongi faintly heard her say that Jungkook could shower in her room.

When she returned, her and Max went into conversation while Yoongi’s attention was drawn in by Namjoon showing him something. And they all stayed like that until Jin, Hoseok, and Jungkook were dressed and ready to go. After Sejin confirmed he was waiting for them they headed down, but just as they reached the elevators Hoseok paused.

“I think I forgot my charger,” he said.

Kendall was already in the elevator and stepped out, but Hoseok waved her off.

“You guys go down. Yoongi can open the door for me, right?”

For a moment Kendall appeared confused, but then she simply nodded and stepped back in. Yoongi was just outside the doors so he simply turned and led Hoseok back towards the apartment.

Once they were inside, he expected him to go look for the thing, but Hoseok merely turned to face him, his lips in a deep-set frown.

“What?” Yoongi asked, both confused and worried.

A second or two passed and Hoseok said nothing, which was horrible on Yoongi’s nerves. But before he could ask again, he started talking.

“I’m guessing you found her crying or looking like she cried herself to sleep last night?” he asked, though it sounded more like a statement.

That made Yoongi freeze. How the hell he knew about her crying was beyond him, but it made him feel even worse that his friend knew what the heck was going on, but Yoongi was clueless. Had Kendall told him what was wrong, or did he find out by chance? Yoongi really needed to know.

“Ho...” Yoongi started.

“The month you were being an ass I had to come here for work remember? I had a hotel room but I mostly stayed here and the first night after we watched a movie she went to bed a little early. She must have forgot I was there or was just too distraught to stop herself, but she cried then too. I went to check on her when it lasted for several minutes and found her full on sobbing in bed. Once I got her calm I asked her about it. And even then she cried every night after. Now did she cry or not?”

Hearing that made Yoongi’s chest tight and his breathing a little labored. He wanted to ask more, but he couldn’t find the words and Hoseok was awaiting an answer. Not trusting his voice Yoongi nodded.

Hoseok chewed on his lower lip for a second before sighing. “Okay, so I’m not supposed to tell you and I technically won’t, but you two need to talk. Of course, you need to discuss what happened a few days ago, but you also need to bring up the crying. You have to do it tonight, okay? This crap can’t be held off any longer or it’s only going to get worse.”

The urgency in Hoseok’s voice made Yoongi’s stomach churn. He really needed to know what the hell happened, but he knew that only one person could give him those answers and it would be wrong to press someone else for them.

“Okay,” Yoongi said when he finally found his voice.

After staring at him for a while Hoseok nodded and they left the apartment. Their descent was made in silence and Yoongi tried to keep his expression as blank as would be considered normal, he couldn’t look upset or like he was trying too hard to look fine. Kendall or Namjoon would pick up on things and he didn’t need that.

But once he got into Max’s car Namjoon glanced at him once and it was like he saw right through him. Yoongi gave him a look that relayed to not ask question and Namjoon’s mouth clamp shut into a firm line. Thankfully though Kendall was too focused on a call to glance his way longer than a second so she couldn’t scrutinize him.

Once he was settled, Max pulled off and they made their way to the studio. It was a quick trip and soon enough Yoongi didn’t have to worry about Kendall possibly catching on because she was wrapped up in everything else.

Her distraction led to Yoongi watching her closely. Of course, he was in the conversation and actively enjoying himself, but he also took into account everything that she did. The way she slowly became more comfortable and how she smiled. It was wider and much more genuine than he’d seen in a while. Everything about her was much freer than he’d seen her in what felt like forever and that was a punch to the gut.

That realization dampened his mood and made the last two hours of their session a bit hard to bear. He kept up with conversation and even took over the computer to add on a suggestion of his, but he was no longer as excited to be there.

In fact, Yoongi was anxious to leave.

Around six they were picked up in a van with the other boys and went out for a quick dinner. Yoongi was sure that Hoseok let the others know that he and Kendall needed some time alone if the way they inhaled their food was any indication.

But things couldn’t go that smoothly.

Just as Yoongi was going to say he was going back with Kendall, Sejin said they needed to have a meeting at the house. Of course, he didn’t know how long it would be, so having Kendall wait for them was unreasonable.

Another stop to his plans.

They parted ways and Yoongi all but shouted the meeting needed to happen the second they stepped into the door. It shocked no one - except maybe Sejin - and they got right to it. The subject was just about how the next few days would ramp up and they’d have the morning off the next day, but that evening was meant for some interviews and more practice.

The moment that was finished Yoongi was already out of the house and hopping into the car that stayed behind. The staff member driving knew where to take him without a word. And for the twenty-minute drive he sat with his leg bouncing and chewing on the tip of his nail.

Once at the building he all but ran inside, throwing a quick thank you over his shoulder. He spent the entire elevator ride trying to find the right words to say and when the doors opened, he was so sure of himself. However, once he got inside his nerves hit. It wasn’t that he’d lost his edge, but he heard something that sounded like whimpering.

He was right that it was a regular occurrence.

Yoongi steeled himself and made his way to the bedroom. He didn’t want to rush in and startle her too much, so he took his time pushing the door open and making his way to her side. He crawled into the bed and pulled back the cover from her head.

Kendall looked surprised, but it was clearly pushed aside as she tried to rid herself of the tears. It didn’t change that her eyes were bloodshot and her hands shaky.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice cracking.

Yoongi wanted to simply comfort her and tell her it would be okay, but he didn’t fully know what was going on. And without knowing and talking things through he couldn’t promise things like that.

“Baby, we need to talk,” he said, hoping the term of endearment would soothe any worries about what he planned to say.

There was no obvious reaction to it, though he did feel her stiffen a little. For a second, he thought she’d change the subject, but after a deep breath she nodded.

Carefully he moved both of them into a sitting position. She had her back against the headboard with her legs crossed and he sat opposite her, his hands taking in hers.

Several minutes passed in silence. Yoongi knew she needed a minute and refused to push her. He wanted their conversation to go by smoothly and that meant being hyper aware of how either of them felt before saying anything.

A hand squeeze was the signal for him to proceed.

“How about we start with why I found you crying two nights in a row,” he said softly.

That made her clam up a bit, but Yoongi squeezed her hands on and off to comfort her. After a few seconds she physically relaxed and took a deep breath.

“I haven’t... I…” More squeezes of reassurance and she worked through it. “It felt like the world crumbled down around us the moment we came back from the hospital. I knew I’d messed up and that it would take some time to rebuild things, but I don’t know at what point the rebuilding is complete. I don’t know when I can finally relax and not feel like something I say or do that leans slightly into not so healthy territory will upset you. Of course, I’m making a strong effort to be better for myself above anything else, but some things just can’t be helped. Sometimes I’m going to work a little too hard or skip a meal solely because I’m not hungry.

“But when is it the time that I can do that without feeling like I’m letting you down, Yoongi? When do I get to stop feeling like that, you’re five seconds away from shutting down and cutting me out for a month again? I get it and I understand that this is a lot on you and you’re still working through some of it yourself, but when does it stop? Does it ever? Or are we stuck in this infinite loop of me fearing the wrong move will completely destroy our relationship just like I thought it would after it happened?”

Halfway through her mini rant Kendall started crying again. She tried to hold them back, but it was clear that she knew it was a losing battle. So Yoongi watched them flow down her cheeks. He watched as her voice broke and she became distraught. He watched as the thick wall that had still been between them started to crack a little.

And he hated it.

Yoongi hated that it took six months before they could get to a point where everything was finally laid out. He hated it because he knew how much of it was his own fault. Kendall wanted to talk about it once he’d stopped giving her the cold shoulder, but he thought a slow approach was best. And when everything was normal-ish, he was sure he’d worked through the urge to react a little aggressively when she seemed to slip into the habits that landed her in the hospital.

His behavior was hypocritical. While she lived in fear she’d do something to set him off, he continued his habits every so often and sometimes even brushed off her concern. It was truly messed up.

At some point he was so in his head thinking about how he’d messed up that he almost forgot that the love of his life was across from him crying and waiting for a response.

Taking a deep breath Yoongi glanced up and stared into her eyes. It broke his heart to see how watery they were, but he needed to get through it and not just jump to comforting her. There would be nothing else to get him off track.

“I know this hasn’t been easy. It’s sucked hard the last few months and I know it wasn’t handled the best. I worked through my emotions and didn’t think we needed to go further than the progress we’d made. I sat blind to the fact that I was still clinging to the fear and making it hard for you to be free with me. To say what you want without worry about me being upset. And for that I’m really sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Kendall. And I have to apologize for the way I stormed into your writing session. I let my worries overtake me instead of trusting you, which is shitty. I trust you with all that I am, and I never want you to think I don’t. And I promise to make sure that I don’t make you feel that way again.

“From now on we are going to be our normal selves. There are going to be moments where we push a little too hard or slip up, but I know neither of us will go through what happened again. I’ll stop the weirdness and if I slip up please let me know. I will not be upset if you call me on my bullshit. Okay?”

Since she was still crying, she couldn’t speak so she just nodded.

With that out of the way Yoongi finally pulled her into him. With the force they fell back onto the bed, but he didn’t mind at all. His arms wrapped around her waist and he pressed kisses all over her face. After a while she giggled and tried to get him to stop. However, Yoongi refused to let up and at some point she ended up pinned underneath him.

Once he had enough of being jabbed in the side, he stopped but didn’t move from where he was straddling her. His eyes softened and his hands reached to caress her face. He felt nothing but affection course through him as he stared at her. The smile on her face was radiant and it was the first time in months she looked at him that way.

“I love you,” he said.

That only made her smile shine brighter. “I love you too.”

After their talk and another brief conversation things got better. Kendall felt she could be much freer in what she did or said around Yoongi and he felt a weight lift from his shoulders. They were busy so there wasn’t a lot of time spent together, but any time that was in each other’s presence could be described in one word.

Disgusting.

At least to everyone who had to be in their presence.

They were so free that their affection and love were always present. If they weren’t kissing, they were cuddling. And if cuddling was out of the question, they were holding hands or linking pinkies. It was as if they were forgoing their usual not so intense public affection to make up for lost time. And if they didn’t have any shame - which it never felt like they did - they’d probably end up dry humping each other on the couch during movie night. Everyone was thankful it never came to that.

Kendall was very aware of how their behavior was affecting everyone, but she didn’t care all that much. At some point she planned to scale it back to normal, but for the time being she thought it was fine for them to just deal with it. Especially since they weren’t as bad as Jimin and that girl he dated for six months. The thought of the compromising positions she’d found them in would forever send a chill down her spine.

But she could admit they were maybe overdoing it after it taking five minutes for them to part ways and get ready for the brunch. They had to be dragged apart and pulled from the bedroom so they could start the day. It was kind of funny, but also a little cringy. Though she’d take that over non-stop tension any day.

Their separation wasn’t for long though. After a little over an hour of hair and make-up they met in the kitchen, both grabbing a snack. Yoongi was almost fully dressed. He wore olive green slacks and a white button up. His gray hair was styled to where it covered most of his forehead, but there was a small part near the center. He looked good and his pants made his butt pop a little. Though it was still no match for Kendall’s. She wore a dress of the same color. It was off the shoulder with flowy sleeves and though the material of the top hung a little loose the skirt of it was tight. It met and molded with every curve she had.

Yoongi surely appreciated it.

“Stop staring at my butt, please and thank you,” she muttered after downing a glass of water.

“That’s not going to happen,” Yoongi muttered.

Turning to face him fully she took away his view, which led to him pouting at her. While it was a little adorable, she couldn’t forget that the reason he was pouting was because he couldn’t be a perv.

Moving closer her arms wrapped around his neck and she leaned her head on his shoulder. There were some complaints about her curls getting into his mouth, but he wrapped his arms around her waist and placed a kiss on her bare shoulder.

“You look good, love,” Kendall muttered.

“So, do you,” he replied.

Kendall’s eyes fluttered closed after that and she just stayed like that. Being wrapped in his arms was nice and she never wanted to leave them if she could help it. But obviously that wasn’t allowed.

“I told you five minutes to grab a snack. You’re not going to be upset with me because I didn’t have the time to add some extra touches to your hair,” Kendall’s stylist, Michelle, said.

Holding back a laugh Kendall pulled away from Yoongi and winked before following behind the woman. She wasn’t really annoyed with her but testing her was also not the best idea; she could get mean.

The next time they saw each other was in the car taking them to the event. They were running a little behind, but neither of them cared much. They were definitely not going to be the last ones to get there.

“I had a feeling you’d choose those,” he commented as they got out of the car to make their entrance.

At first Kendall was confused, but then she noticed his head incline towards her shoes. She’d chosen a pair with a thicker heel since Michelle wouldn’t allow her to wear flats or fashionable sneakers.

She scoffed and pressed closer to him as his arm wrapped around her waist.

“Of course. Do you want to have to massage my feet so they feel better after that torture?” she asked.

Then it was Yoongi’s turn to scoff. “As if you’re not going to make me after you wear those.”

They were on the carpet where photos would be taken by then but it didn’t stop her from lightly swatting at him.

“Don’t act like you don’t volunteer half of the time.”

“Don’t act like I don’t volunteer in order to maybe get something out of it,” he retorted.

Her instinct was to keep going, but she merely laughed at him. He wasn’t wrong per se. It took a moment for them to come out of their own little world and realize there were cameras pointed at them. They quickly got it together and took one too many pictures.

From there it was full steam ahead. They entered the party and were immersed in people. They were saying hi to acquaintances, catching up and hanging out with friends, and interacting with people they hadn’t before. At some point there was a brief conversation with Jay-Z and Beyoncé before Jay Park swooped up and pulled Kendall’s attention.

But no matter who they were talking to both were glued to each other’s side. Yoongi would be having a completely different conversation with a different set of people then Kendall and still had their fingers laced. And when they weren’t too focused on anything they were practically cuddled together and happy in their own space.

A few hours of drinks and conversation made them want to go home though. So, despite the promise to stay a little longer they made their exit and headed home. Though there were a few quick stops for food and things.

Once at Kendall's apartment they got ready for bed and then proceeded to struggle to make a fort in the living room for thirty minutes. The entire time was spent yelling after the sheets collapsed on them and laughter when they accidentally crashed into each other because they couldn’t see. In retrospect they should’ve used more than light from the TV and a lamp to do it.

When they’d finally finished the fort, got the coffee table moved, retrieved way too many pillows and blankets, and set their snacks out they finally got comfortable. They cuddled close and turned their focus to the TV.

Yoongi was in charge of picking what they watched since Kendall didn’t care much and he was clearly struggling. Kendall was going to offer some help but then his head turned to her and in a second his lips were on hers. Though shocked she returned the kiss, pressing even closer to keep it going.

A minute or so later Yoongi pulled away and smiled at her.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” she said without hesitation.

For a little while they stared at each other and said nothing. They didn’t need to though. Basking in each other was enough for that moment.

Who knows how long it took before they looked away from each other, but when they did Kendall felt a flurry of butterflies in her stomach and everything seemed right with the world for once.

“Veronica Mars rewatch?” he asked.

Kendall nodded.

“Veronica Mars rewatch!” she screamed.

That made Yoongi laugh and shake his head, but he was already pressing play on the first episode of season one.

The day of the Grammys started much like the day of the brunch. Neither of them wanted to leave the bed, but they needed to start the day. Kendall had a thing or two to do before she got ready and since the boys were performing, they had to do a few more run-throughs.

It was tough, but they started their days on a high note and were ready to end it on that too. Yoongi came into practice focused and ready to get things done. He wanted things to go smoothly and for them to leave an impression. And with the set they were performing they were sure to do so.

Practice lasted for a few hours. It was briefly done in their own little room, but for most of it they were on the stage. It went well, though there were a few tweaks here and there as they looked back on what they did. Thankfully, nothing major was wrong and all of them were in the right state of health to go on.

When everything was done, they headed back to the house to shower, eat, and get ready. Since there were enough bathrooms for all of them there was no waiting, which Yoongi was eternally grateful for. He did not smell his best and his muscles were a little sore from use. Showering helped with that and gave him the time to breathe.

Once finished and dressed in loose clothing he went down to the kitchen to grab some of the food, which he devoured faster than usual. Which wasn’t good since it merely increased the tired feeling he’d been ignoring and hoping would go away. But he was in luck. They’d wrapped things up quickly enough that there was time for him to take a nap.

That isn’t what he did once his body hit the bed though. Sleep was on his mind, but it was quickly overshadowed by Kendall. He’d texted her earlier, but she hadn’t gotten back to him, which bothered him. And surprisingly it wasn’t because he was worried, but because he was being a pouty baby about being ignored. He debated blowing up her phone just to get on her nerves, but then remembered she had a lot to do and she was feeling extremely nervous about the night.

Yoongi understood that though, it was going to be nerve wracking. The boys were performing and up for an award. Which would be fine, but then Yoongi was also up for Producer of the Year Non-classical. He and Kendall were up for it together. If they were both separate entries it would be one thing, but they shared the possibility of winning and that made him want it more. He thought she deserved to win, and he wanted to win for himself.

At some point he got so in his head that he didn’t even realize he’d drifted off. It was like even in his sleep his mind was only focused on that. Which meant the nap helped, but his thoughts running meant that he didn’t get the full affect. When Hoseok shook him awake all he could do was groan and wish he was asleep again.

But alas he had to get his behind in gear. So, he downed some coffee and let the staff take over from there. His outfit was handed to him and he changed into it before coming back out for his hair and make-up to be done. It was going to be a simple look make-up wise and changed up a little for the performance. And his hair was styled over his forehead, but there was some waviness to it.

After two hours of everyone getting ready, they headed out again. Yoongi could feel his nerves ramp up and the energy in the car was also very uneasy. There was excitement too, but that just made things worse. And when they arrived, he felt like he was going to vomit. It took some deep breaths and a quick pep talk from Joon to get them all to normal levels of nervous.

With a calmer state of mind Yoongi stepped out of the car, only moving far enough so the others could get out too. The picture taking was almost immediate and Yoongi steeled him so as soon as he heard the first click. Once Namjoon was out he took the lead and led them inside and onto the carpet. They stopped for several photos and a few quick interviews, which were basically just the same questions over and over again.

It wasn’t until about five minutes into being on the carpet that something caught Yoongi’s interest. From the corner of his eye he saw a flash of purple enter the carpet and only pause for about thirty seconds before moving along. He knew who it was before his head even fully turned.

Kendall was in a long lilac dress that had two slits up to the middle of her thigh and a pair of white heels that she probably hated. Her hair was braided into a crown, which he knew took a while because of how thick it was, even when straightened.

She looked beyond beautiful and she was planning on walking right past them.

Never one for lingering long on carpets, Kendall merely glanced his way and winked before preparing to go on her merry way, but that wasn’t going down. Yoongi moved away from the boys, confusing their interviewer, and grasped her hand pulling her over to where they were despite heavy protest.

Once with the group again he smiled and acted as if he hadn’t thrown all of them off. And that smile grew wider when Kendall stopped objecting once in front of the camera. She was known to have no problem speaking her displeasure no matter the setting, but she also tried her best to keep her cool in those situations.

After recovering from the interruption, the interview continued as normal. There were a few questions thrown at Kendall, but she answered them with ease. And a few moments later they were being directed into the main room. That’s when she took the chance to lightly punch Yoongi in his arm.

“Jerk,” she mumbled.

He just laughed and allowed her to take the lead. They were all sitting together from what he’d seen earlier, which worked for him because he’d need his brothers and her by his side to get through the evening.

About twenty minutes after they got into their seats things started, and the focus went there. Cameras would be everywhere, and they would especially be on them, so there was the need to be present for the most part. He could lean over and whisper something in Kendall’s ear every so often to make her laugh, but besides that he had to keep it together.

About an hour in, staff came to grab the boys and Yoongi placed a quick kiss on Kendall's hand before going to get ready. The moment he got backstage it was hectic and his mind could only focus on being ready to go. They went through wardrobe, hair, and make-up within twenty minutes and then moved to their positions.

When the music started Yoongi felt his heart rate increase, but he tried to keep it down. It wasn’t even his turn yet. Jungkook was up first.

The boys had decided on using their performance as a moment to highlight their solo stuff and their group work. They’d all get about thirty seconds on their own set and that would shift seamlessly into the next one. Once that was over, they would come together for their newest title track, which reflected a lot more with old Bangtan music.

Yoongi was going to be the last to go and though he had newer music he had chosen Agust D to perform. When it was his turn he came out and performed with the charisma that he was known for. And then just where the verse should’ve kept going, he stopped and the whole place went black. When the lights came back up, he was in a formation with the others and he continued, the group song starting with a verse from him.

The crowd responded nicely to it and the energy in the place was crazy. Even when they finished their set, the applause finished, and he was back in his seat the adrenaline coursed through him. He was on a high.

That new energy fueled him and kept him grounded through the rest of the show. And then it died a little when they mentioned the category the boys were up for. He was sure they wouldn’t win it, but that didn’t stop him from hoping. And when he was proven right it didn’t bother him much. However, soon after it was time for the other award and his energy dipped even further.

Kendall suddenly gripped his hand tight in hers and turned her head to look at him. They had a brief moment and it was like without words they comforted each other. Both of them relaxed a little more, but their hands still gripped one another’s fiercely.

The nominees felt like they were being announced slower than the rest, but Yoongi kept his face cool. Cameras were definitely on them and he couldn’t let them try to gauge what he was feeling. But after what felt like an eternity, he felt his resolve slipping, only to hear their names being called as the winners. Shock hit him hard.

Yoongi stood immediately and was pulled into the embrace of the other boys, but his hand still never left Kendall’s. That’s when he noticed that she was still sitting and processing. After a few seconds she also stood and accepted the boy’s affections before they were led up to the stage.

Since he was clearly the more present of the two, he took the moment to speak.

“Whoa, I didn’t think we’d get this. I come into every award situation hoping but making sure that I don’t think I’m going to. It does not keep me from being a little disappointed when it doesn’t happen, much like earlier, but it makes it easier. But my goodness does this make up for it. Me and my brothers couldn’t win tonight as a team, but this win is for me and them as they have been with me throughout my journey as I grew as a producer. And of course, it’s for the lovely Kendall who has cemented herself as someone passionate about her craft and has been able to do what she loves for years now. Who has also helped me push to be better at what I do and pushes herself to do the same. Without any of them I wouldn’t be standing here thinking this award is going to vanish from my hands at any moment.”

Yoongi’s voice got a bit shaky towards the end, but he tried to play it off with laughter. By the time he was done Kendall had calmed herself and wiped free the stray tears. Yoongi stood back from the mic and let her talk.

“Thank goodness for Yoongi or I wouldn’t have had time to stall and pull it together. This is just so freaking cool and though it’s never been a goal or specific want of mine like it has been his I still am so grateful. I don’t ever think I’ll win or be awarded things, so it’s always the biggest shock in the world when I do. And I wouldn’t be here without having people believe in me achieving things like this. Without people not brushing me off and actually listening to what I have to say or show them. Without a mother who knocked sense into me when I thought pursuing multiple creative passions was a pipe dream. Or without friends who challenge me even when I think I’ve found what works best for me. Or without Yoongi, who is someone willing to take my bullshit and give it back tenfold. It really does take a village and I couldn’t be more thankful for mine. Thank you.”

At some point she’d reached her hand back to take Yoongi’s and once she finished her speech, he squeezed it tight. With that done there was another round of applause and they were taken backstage. They took a few photos and then the BigHit staff took the awards from them so they could finish out the night.

And if anyone thought they were clingy before; they hadn’t seen anything.

From the moment they got back to their seats - after a round of congratulations from everyone around them - they were inseparable. Even as they went through some exit interviews and made their way to an after party.

They were just so happy and so free of inhibitions that there were probably multiple videos of them a little drunk, singing and dancing along to the music a little aggressively. They also kept making out and had to be reminded they were in public.

But that didn’t matter much to them. They’d achieved a great thing, were in a wonderful place relationship wise, and simply happy in life. Not to mention so in love that it didn’t matter if they were being a mess and ended up circulating stan twitter for their antics. Their feelings are what mattered most.

And they felt on top of the world.

[ftkd-arts]

this is just a dump don’t worry about it

And i’ll break their ass down

Felicity Smoak

How I feel about this character

I’m love her. Felicity is the main reason why I kept on my Arrow binge, and now it’s one of my favorite shows.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Oliver, of course! Let’s go down the list, in order of which I shipped them; Sara, Alena, Nyssa, Black Siren. Probably more but i haven’t rewatched the earlier seasons in a while

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Curtis, bffs

My unpopular opinion about this character

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

More badass moments. Felicity is an amazing hacker, but I truly believe she would have advanced in the field as well if trained. Sure, I love Morally Gray! Felicity, but this part of her was quickly demonized by her friend group and I dunno that’s just uncomfortable for me. Felicity ain’t allowed to carry a gun so she can feel safe? She’s been kidnapped how many fucking times and Oliver’s throwing a shitfit now that she has the means to protect herself? It just doesn’t make sense. I feel like Oliver would object to Felicity killing, but also, she’s already commited mass murder? That’s the entire reason Ragboy left? Like she’s already killed people, Oliver, she’s been to the dark side before, dude, you can’t “save” her. I think he would’ve been more likely to train Felicity so she can defend herself properly so the gun wasn’t her only source of defense just in case it was used against her. Honestly all the teams need to train their more brainy members how to fight in general, you cannot have a person involved in something that could get them killed and not do that guys

Killer Frost (The Flash)

How I feel about this character

TSUNDERE BABE

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Caitlin, OTP. I’ve never created so much art for a pairing before, whether it be fanfics or drawings. Silver Banshee and Livewire is my favorite crack ot3 for her. Probably makes passes at all her boys’ girls, like Iris and Kamilla and Sue

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Ralphie! They’re bros

My unpopular opinion about this character

Gagagagagagagaagay, socially awkward tsundere, just wants to be loved, will punch you in the face if you find out, panic attacks 24/7, so much anger issues

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

More soft moments with the team. I think she and Iris would work really well as passive-aggressive friends, y’know the type whose love language is insulting each other constantly

Cisco Ramon (The Flash)

How I feel about this character

I wuv him. Third favorite in the Flash, behind Frost and Cait respectively. Long hair, don’t care, nerd boy, i have a big gay crush on him, I really connect to his whole ‘i-was-emotionally-neglected-by-my- parents-and-fictional-characters-raised-me’ vibe. Also hair. pwetty. run hair??? run fingers through hair? ples

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Alright I’m poly and a multishipper so this is gonna be a long one. Keep in mind that I personally headcanon Cisco as bisexual aromantic, but as a subset identity called cupioromantic; my basic understanding of it is that though this label has no romantic feelings, they desire relations that are romantic-esque. Let’s go down the list! Ralph Dibny, Sue, and Kamilla as an ot4 absolutely melts me, Iris and Cisco are so good but Barco is neat too! Them as an ot3 could be so cute. Ronnie x Cisco is a gem. OH and he and Hartley used to date but broke up

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Caitlin of course! They’re best bros! The nerdy scientist and the professional doctor, both emotionally stunted idiots. I like to think they bonded over a shared love for horror movies, and that’s how they became friends. Also a bit of Killer Frost! Of course Cisco would have some relationship with his best friend’s alter. They’re not best friends (Frost considers Ralph her best friend), but they’re close. He introduced her to Game of Thrones. Frost calls him “Cissy,” “Transco” and “Vibeboy.” Cisco overuses “White Walker” way too much when talking with her.

My unpopular opinion about this character

A good boy?? I dunno, I can never find any content for Aro Cisco. I like to think that he’s emotionally stunted because his parents weren’t affectionate, and he developed a broad fixation on escapist fantasies for comfort and stimulation, like tv shows and comics. This could just be a projection ha 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I wish Cisco would just get confirmed as trans already! And he should talk about the fact he has a dead brother more often, that sting doesn’t just go away after a few episodes. Also give him and Iris more of a relationship. Also make him talk to Ralph more. Also there needs to be more chemistry with Kamilla, like comeon guys let’s see some banter over here rn he has more canonical chemistry with Ralph’s girlfriend

Caitlin Snow (The Flash)

How I feel about this character

My socially awkward darling.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Killer Frost. Just,, Frostie. Killersnow is my jam, I still chug out content for it to this day. Also Patty x Cait is a fun crackship, maybe throw Iris in it, too. Probably has a small crush on Kara and Kate. Way bigger crush on Lena and Alex. Buff smarties are her bread and butter, probably why she was so into Ronnie. Otherwise I generally see her as asexual

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Cisco, Barry, Ralphie. Cisco especially, they’re besties, everyday, inside jokes, binge-watch together, dumb idiots with wildly different coping mechanisms, I think that;s why I like their friendship so much? Cait sort of just shuts down, ignores it, pushes herself into something she views as more productive than her thoughts and feelings. Cisco de-constructs his emotions by putting them in ways he can easily understand, into comics and characters, because tv was his only escape from the emotional neglect his family offered. Caitlin focused solely on getting out and being someone Thomas could be proud of, y’know? 

My unpopular opinion about this character

Ace, bi, poly. Neutral, polite, aloof, superiority complex, inferiority complex, definite imposter syndrome-- idunno i fell in love with s1 Cait and I wish her canonically life-long tendency to repress and deny would show up more. Definitely the smartest in any given group (and she knows it), but is nice about it. Remember in season one when she called a brain freeze the long-ass scientific name? Instant love, I’m love her, I wish she did that more, clearly she loves science and medicine and biology so so much and I really hope they show more of her being a fuckin dork for it, it makes her feel so much more human, she’s just. great

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Just went on a rant about it in the above text. Let Caitlin be a dork! Let her be repressive and emotional and I-can-do-it-on-my-own-y! Let her be all this and more, a human whose conditioned herself a robot, I love that concept so much. Let Caitlin be herself!

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

An analysis of Kagami’s character in season 3

Warnings: discussion of anxiety and not good parenting

I hated Oni Chan when it first came out, because it seemed like it was really butchering Kagami’s character, but I just rewatched it and... all of her actions seem really justified.   Looking at her thought process has lead me to a way deeper understanding of Kagami’s character

(under the cut because this got fairly long)

So obviously she acts way over the top while she’s akumatized, that’s how akumas work, but the parts where she’s acting of her own free will? Everything she did made perfect sense.

To review, just before being akumatized, Kagami is practicing fencing with her mother.   She gets a message on her phone, and her mother makes her wait until after she’s done practicing to open it.   Kagami looks really disappointed in herself for getting in trouble with her mom.   This is speculation, but that is her mom’s only spoken line in the entire episode, so there’s a chance that the only comment Kagami’s mother made during her entire practice was being upset at Kagami for her phone, and that would force Kagami to fixate on the message throughout practice.   She clearly wants her mother’s approval, and the message was getting in the way of it. Even if it wasn’t the only thing she said, it’s been shown that Kagami takes any criticism from her mother really hard.

Also, this episode comes before Ikari Gozen.   Kagami’s still has basically no friends (except maybe Adrien) and desperately wants to be accepted. There was a reason that she picked up her phone immediately and tried to look at the message; Kagami isn’t the type to just forget her mom’s rule.   So either getting messages on her phone is so rare that it’s something she never really had to deal with before, which would make the message something really special to her, or she just desperately wants friends enough that her eagerness to see the message won out over her strict discipline enough to make her forget the rules.

And then, after all the mental buildup, Kagami finished practicing and opens the message. So, keep in mind, on top of what I already said, that Kagami’s going to be physically exhausted because she just finished a workout, and probably also frustrated because her mother definitely didn’t give her the validation she wanted.   She’s going to be sort of on a knife’s edge anyways.   And, judging by her brief smile as she put her phone away while her mother told her off, the message was probably something that she was looking forward to as a way to ignore all the other pain.

Then comes the part that everyone criticizes. In the course of about 30 seconds, she 1) opens the message to see that it’s a selfie of Lila kissing Adrien on the cheek, 2) sort of growls as she throws her phone across the feild, 3) opens up a notebook, gently touches a photograph of her and Adrien at fencing practice that was carefully tucked between the pages, 4) pulls out the rose Adrien gave her which is now pressed, 5) we see a brief flashback Adrien handing her the rose in Frozer, and then 6) she picks up her sword, 7) we see a few tears run down her face, and then 8) she gets akumatized.   That all seems super sudden and needlessly dramatic at first viewing, but let’s break it down.

No matter what, it’s going to hurt to see the picture of Adrien who’s apparently casually hanging out with some other girl in his room.   Kagami “never hesitates” and I think it’s safe to assume that she’s already asked if she could visit him multiple times and been turned down because he’s “never allowed to have friends over” or something, so this is going to feel like a slap in the face. She doesn’t have enough time to think everything through, but just the brief suggestion that her only friend might have been lying to her to avoid her because he didn’t actually want to see her is an enormous blow to her fragile self-confidence.   Just by merit of having Adrien as her only friend, she’s going to hear a whole lot of “sorry I can’t interact with you ever my dad doesn’t want me to have friends” and by merit of being Kagami she’s got some huge doubts and trust issues, so I can almost guarantee that the fear that he was actually lying to her and just disliked her had probably been bubbling for a while and wouldn’t take much to set it off. Especially in during a post-fencing practice adrenaline high, throwing her phone was a pretty understandable reaction.

Then, there’s the photograph and the rose. So Kagami obviously cares deeply about Adrien if she’s carrying those around with her, but it makes sense.   He gave her the rose like it was something deeply special, he’d probaly be expecting her to keep it safe, and it makes sense that she’d want to preserve it forever.   And keeping photographs with friends is a pretty normal thing.  

Now, we don’t know the exact details of Kagami’s home life, but from experience interacting with my friend’s parents, her mom strikes me as the type of parent who’s obsessed with control and doesn’t believe that their children deserve privacy.   and 90% of the time, that kind of parenting leads to children who try to hide everything they can from their parents and are really good at sneaking away (like, maybe, lying to their mother about participating in a harmless game?   Knowing enough about their car’s security to hack it without a second thought?   Sneaking away from a fancy event the first chance they get?   Only having one number in their entire phone because their mom won’t let them talk to others?   Impulsively lying to their mom about interests?   I could go on forever but yeah Kagami’s a very familiar type of person that I see in a lot of my classmates and it hurts my heart.)

So back to the photograph and the rose being kept on Kagami’s person at all times: it makes total sense.   She doesn’t have any privacy anywhere else.   She’s going to be afraid to talk to her mother about any of her interests anyway for fear of being ridiculed, and even more terrified when that interest is friendship.   Look at Ikari Gozen.   Kagami brings up Adrien in front of her mom for the first time on screen, she says his first and last name like she’s trying to be really formal and distance herself emotionally from him.   Then, her mother immediately insults Adrien and you can physically see Kagami regret what she had said and try to change the conversation by just agreeing with her mother.  She knows she won’t ever change her mother’s mind and she does her own thing regardless of what her mother says, but that doesn’t make her mother’s disapproval not sting.   Of course, in a world where she has to hide any interest she has if she doesn’t want it to be attacked, she’s going to keep the photograph and the rose away from anyone else’s prying eyes.

And then, I’ll admit, at first I made fun of her impulsive reaction: where she saw a selfie of Adrien with another girl and then immediately started petting a photo of herself with him, but this time I thought about all of this from Kagami’s point of view and I had a huge realization.

I headcanon Kagami as having both anxiety and autism, and it’s pretty well supported by the show anyways, which is a conversation for another time.   But specifically, having both means that they can feed each other a lot.   If you’re having an anxiety attack because you think your friends might hate you, it’s a lot harder to break out of it if you also know that you’re terrible at reading social cues, and it’s easy to become overwhelmed by the fear that people are just subtly telling you they hate you and you’re missing their cues.   And that would relate to Kagami’s situation incredibly well: she doesn’t have anyone else to validate her, and Adrien’s nice and all but it’d be really easy, especially in the clutches of an anxiey spiral, to think that maybe his “excuses” are actually his way of tellling her that he doesn’t like her, and that her own lack of social nuance is keeping her from seeing it.  

This is obviously not a good place to be mentally, but as someone who has been there and who has a therapist, the best advice I’ve ever gotten to deal with it has been to step back and look only at concrete things, because my brain will take anything open for interpretation and turn it into an attack on myself.  

And this is exactly what Kagami does.   I’d bet that this has happened several times before, because Kagami had been overwhelmed by so much emotion that she had growled and thrown her phone; I think she was acting on instinct when she pulled the notebook out.   And it makes sense that this would be Kagami’s impulsive response: she was just flooded with an unmanageable wave of fear and doubt that Adrien had been lying to her, and then she turned to the concrete evidence she had that he did care about her.   Remember, this isn’t just about romantic fantasies, this is about the only friend she’s ever made and her own fear that she can’t even trust herself to read interactions; it’s going to be really overwhelming.   So she pulls out the photo of herself with Adrien.   It’s real, it’s proof that Adrien was there with her and acknowledges that she exists and smiles at her like that.   In the midst of a breakdown, that photograph would be a huge means of grounding herself in reality.   And then she pulls out the rose, even more solid evidence that he cares about her.   No matter what else, he did give her this rose, it’s real and it’s here.  

So I can completely see why she that was her immediate reaction: the message triggered a specific panic attack that she’s had multiple times before, she freaked out, and then she turned to calm herself down the best she could.   It may have all turned out fine and deescalated quickly.   Except, the rose is connected to a very specific memory: a very sad Adrien told Kagami that he was in love with someone who didn’t like him back when he gave it to her.

Take a second to think about this all from Kagami’s point of view: she’s ridiculously emotionally unsteady at the moment, she’s thinking about a time when Adrien was left brokenhearted by some girl who he’s still waiting on, and then she gets a photo of a girl being all flirty with Adrien.   She knows Lila Rossi specifically, I don’t know how much she knows about her lies, but she seems to know her enough to know that she’s a manipulative jerk.   So any implication at all that this could be the girl who’s continuing to break Adrien’s heart, and who he’s still loyally waiting on?   Of course Kagami’s going to go absolutely mental.   She cares about Adrien enough to want to protect him from anyone who’d toy with his emotions for their own benefit. 

I don’t know exactly why she picks up her sword, whether she was going to blow off some more steam practicing or what, but it was a time when Kagami had every right to act rashly.    Same thing goes with the fact that she started crying in that moment.  She’s so so overwhelmed.   And then of course Hawkmoth akumatizes her.

I’m almost done, but seriously, if you haven’t seen this episode in a while, please take a look at Kagami and Adrien’s interactions at the very end.   Kagami is so ridiculously happy when Adrien is nice to her, and in context of everything else, it’s almost sad.   But she very clearly does care about Adrien and wants to be able to trust him to make his own decisions.   

[fanfoolishness]

Steven Universe: Future thoughts

Spoilers for the first four episodes below the jump!  All sorts of rambling ahead!  Please message me or reblog to share your thoughts, I wanna talk about it all!

I’ll try to organize things by episode.  I won’t be able to rewatch them until they go up on Apple TV so this is all off the cuff.  AHOY!

1x01 Little Homeschool

Steven has White, Blue and Yellow essences in his bathroom cupboard.  Maybe keep a bottle of your own spit just to be safe?  You never know? 

Aww Cherry Quartz is cute.  Did she actually get named? I assume that’s who that is.

I had thought that shot in the trailer was going to be Pink Smoky Quartz.   I was wrong, but then we DO get Pink Smoky Quartz next episode ahhhh!

We all know Steven drew that picture of himself and the Diamonds on the brochure.  

I like to think that Steven keeps up with his drawing during quiet times, and while he isn’t technically great, most 16-year-old artists aren’t great per se.  What’s important is that he keeps doing it and he’ll keep getting better!

Little Homeschool looks awesome and I want to go make some morps with Vidalia.  Wait, were Lapis and Peridot there? I don’t remember.  They should be!

I’m so glad Jasper isn’t the big bad!!! And I love that she’s just antisocial but not actively harming anyone (beetles and grass aside).  

Still no explanation for the blanket, I love it

STEVEN GO OFF, YOU TELL HER NOT TO HURT THAT BEETLE

Whoa Steven, that rage is juuuuust below the surface these days, isn’t it?  I get being annoyed at Jasper and I’m sure this isn’t the first time they’ve had this discussion but he really does just go off on her pretty damn quickly, and several times.

I am concerned that he referenced her corrupting herself.  I DON’T WANT CORRUPTED STEVEN Y’ALL, this better not be foreshadowing!!!!!

Honestly Jasper just needs to get into wrestling, I’m shocked Amethyst and Steven haven’t pointed this out to her

I’m dying at her attacking all the Earthlings in her little radius

Awww Steven, at first he’s really intrigued by Diamond Mode and wants to learn how to use it better.  So optimistic!

Except you totally killed about 10 conifers and only healed one, so way to hurt the forest dude

Am I the only one wondering how conflicted Dr. Maheswaren must feel, knowing Steven can heal all this crazy shit and that a) she’s toiling at doing it the old-fashioned way, b) he could really help her patients, and c) he isn’t?

Looking forward to seeing Steven and Jasper talk again, but I really hope it’s not because Steven’s been corrupted and is trying to get over it.  Urrrgh no ;_;

I do want to see if she has tips for how to control anger.  Or how to use it and learn from it.  But I’m not sure she knows either.

Steven is a shark.  Because if he’s not swimming, he’s sinking.  And swimming to him is helping people.  If he can’t do that, if he can’t do what he’s supposed to do in his mind, what is he doing?  He’s gonna sink this season and it’s gonna be FUCKING SPECTACULAR.

1x02 Guidance

Amethyst is so proud of herself!  It’s awesome!

Steven is clearly a little uncomfortable that he didn’t come up with the idea, isn’t he?  He also has a hard time figuring out that there are ways to use what you’re made for instead of having to run from it.  Of course, that isn’t true for everyone.  Little Larimar did love screams and children more than ice.  The best lesson is that people are different, some are comfortable working in a certain zone whereas others need to struggle past it to feel complete.

Amethyst was sitting in front of the Teens of Rage video game.  I FEEL THIS WILL BE SIGNIFICANT Y’ALL.

I’m just so glad Mr. Smiley finally isn’t understaffed. He could take a day off and go visit Mr. Frowny!

Uncle Andy is back!  Yay!  And he’s getting involved with Beach City in general, I’m really happy to see him putting down some roots.

Smoky Quartz is back!

PINK SMOKY HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THEM GO

Love love love the pink/purple asides for the Steven and Amethyst debate while being Smoky Quartz

TIME SLOWING/SUPER SPEED POWERS??? I WAS NOT PREPARED

The roller coaster exploded IN THE OCEAN I can’t EVEN

So far both Steven and Amethyst are intrigued and impressed by Diamond Mode, and sure, it seems harmless now... 

Steven is worried he’s losing his touch helping people.  That makes me worried that that’s part of a bigger feeling, not just this particular snafu.

Amethyst being so direct is often the one who gets closest to Steven talking about his feelings.  He started to go there, but then Little Larimar showed up again with their terrifying talk about screams....

1x03 Rose Buds

I’m really glad Greg and the Gems aren’t giving Steven shit about not wanting Rose to be looming over him in portrait form.  Now if y’all will also TALK to Steven about how he feels about it... but at least they’re okay with him removing the portrait.

HOOOOOOLY SHIT Y’ALL

I’m so happy J-10 and Y-6 are back!

OMFG they are NOT over Greg and it’s amazing

GAH-REG HOW COULD YOU

I’m glad the Zoomans are in control of their own destiny and able to go where they wish!  

no no no no no no no no no no we all know what’s coming here

Coming face to face with Rose Quartzes = instant KO for one Steven Universe

I almost had a panic attack with him as the Roses clustered around him and the music got tenser and tenser and the camera zoomed in on his face and that was fucking INTENSE PEOPLE

Greg seeing the Roses and just noping the fuck outta there, amazing, everyone in this family is so repressed

Poor Garnet and Pearl hiding in the bathroom

“Yeah, it’s weird”

Poor Rose Quartz-who-most-looks-like-our-Rose-Quartz, it’s clear she is much more emotionally in tune than the other two (due to her belly gem placement?)

STEVEN GOT NEW PAJAMAS

but let him sleep shirtless you cowards!

Also he just looked... so GROWNUP in that scene by the warp pad?  His proportions were just no longer little kidlike?  And he is still cutely beefy but not really little-kid chubby anymore and teen me would have had it BAD for him at this point, I’m just sayin’

Steven is S O O O O   S T R E S S E D   R I G H T   N O W

he’s eating his fucking blanket in an attempt to not talk about his problems I CAN’T

also HAVE WE NOTICED that Steven will eventually end up telling strangers at least some of what’s bothering him, but never the people who actually love and care about him

this episode was so damn tense it is masterful

I’m glad they managed to talk things out a little

but clearly Steven is still, as always, just scratching the surface, this poor kid just needs to GO OFF.

did he go pink in this one from stress for a second?  Or was that the next one? 

1x04 Volleyball

You cannot tell me that that white coat is not a hand-me-down from Dr. Maheswaren, it is CANON IN MY MIND

also damn how many Gems are cracking themselves right and left that this needs to happen regularly?

seriously though Steven, you might just want to get a spittoon and start sending one to every hospital ever, you would undo A LOT of human suffering....

Steven honey I’m so sorry your mom did you so wrong and I’m so sorry you’re so scared of everything to do with her and NONE OF IT IS YOUR FAULT OKAY

but maybe also you need to learn how to face some of this stuff so it doesn’t scare you so badly

Poor Pink Pearl!

Volleyball? Seriously Steven? so insensitive how do you know Pink didn’t throw a volleyball at her head

Poor Pearl and Volleyball feeling so jealous about each other

Volleyball is 8000 years old??  damn how old was Pink?

oooooooh the Reef!  so cool and mysterious!  Look at all those Pearl possibilities!

So Pink damaged her Pearl, and she sent her to the Reef for repair.  They fixed her gem, but when she reformed, the trauma was still so severe that she reformed with the crack.  Oh man :(

Now again I don’t want Corrupted Steven but you could probably wrangle that into support for the theory.

I prefer to think that Steven will do something different than straight-up Corruption to himself, but we could see something like the crack form instead of Corruption.

Willing himself into a monster form only works if he thinks of himself completely as a monster.  Right now he thinks Pink is the monster, and he thinks, finally, that he isn’t Pink.  So either he’d have to really hurt somebody and then view himself as a monster, or, my preference, he would develop something like a scar or pink eyes or stay pink all the time or something until he’s figured out his issues.

I JUST DON’T WANT HIM TO HAVE HORNS, YOU GUYS.

Pearl WAS protecting Volleyball from Steven oh NOOOOO

STEVEN SONIC SCREAM

So we’ve got Diamond Mode Strength, Super Speed, and Sonic Scream, man oh man oh man

this finally makes sense because all the other Diamonds have such well-developed offensive powers

Pink must have been like “no those are dangerous I don’t want them, what else can I do” and developed her healing powers secretly

I always wondered why the Diamonds never recognized Rose Quartz’s healing tears or shield as belonging to Pink

And it must be that she never showed it to them

They maybe only knew about her offensive powers

MEGA PEARL IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND WISE AND HER RIBBON DANCING IS SO MAGNIFICENT AND I LOVE THEM JUST TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER YOU TWO

I can’t believe we got a new fusion so quickly!!!!

Fuck that bitch Shell amirite

look, someone help Steven.

Please help Steven.

HELP. STEVEN.

No new trailer for next week???? COWARDS

omg someone please please scream about all this with me

[artgurusauce]

Oh hey what’s this an AU without Haudion in it? What sorcery is this, Saucy?

Yes yes, another AU spreadsheet. Twist this time: The prompt ain’t for shipping. I’ve been playing with this specific idea in my head for a while now and after rewatching an old playthrough of God of War 4, I got a tad inspired.

Without further ado, let us begin.

Context: As you can probably already tell, the prompt here was “What if Gladion was much younger when he joined Team Skull?” The question of how young I’m afraid I can’t put into precise numbers buuut, about the age he was in the anime when Lillie was attacked by that Nihilego. I’m assuming he was around 7 at that time but that’s just an estimate. Anyways, he runs away from home after stealing a Pokeball containing a Type:Null from his mother. Unfortunately, he grabbed a rather aggressive Type:Null that is poorly trained. It doesn’t kill him, but it often lashed out at Gladion and attacks him, scratching and headbutting him. One day, in the pouring rain, Guzma finds this crying boy sniveling and covered in all manner of bruises and cuts. Taking pity upon him, he decides to take him in.

1.) New Clothes

Since Gladion’s old clothes while expensive and cozy were absolutely ruined, they had to be replaced. Not only were they soaked, but they were terribly scratched up and beyond repair thanks to Null. Luckily, one of the grunts happens to be an expert in sewing clothes and makes up just the cutest little getup for him. However, she makes the sleeves just a tad too long. Guzma also gives Gladion an old pair of sneakers he used to wear when he was about his age.

2.) Roughhousing

Gladion, even as an older more mature boy is quite the emotional one. Often times he’ll lash out quite easily and it’s not hard to get under his skin. Imagine if you were to upset an even younger Gladion with far less experience, poise and who’s freshly emotionally damaged by his mother’s neglectful behavior, not to mention his frustration with trying to train Type:Null. So it’s not hard to imagine that Gladion still wouldn’t get along with the grunts. In fact, they pick on him even more since he’s so tiny and pathetic and gets far more attention from Guzma seeing as he’s the youngest one and needs more care. Usually it would lead to a grunt stepping out of line, saying something like, “Why don’t you go back home cryin’ to your daddy?” or “I’ll bet your ugly little pet would make a better jacket than a Pokemon.” This would obviously lead little Glad to attempt to beat up the older kids, biting and scratching and kicking them. And of course, Guzma would have to break it up and drag Gladion off to give him a stern talking-to, man to boy. Just what on Earth was Guzma going to do about all this pent up aggression he had?

3.) The Little Moments

Of course eventually after a while it should come as no surprise: The little brat is startin’ to grow on big ol’ bad Guzma. Even for the spoiled rotten, picky, ungrateful rugmuncher he can be sometimes, he’s not quite that bad of a kid. After all, Guzma actually somewhat admires his spunk. It’s not hard for him to see himself in this kid. He knew how scary it was being away from home at such a young age, and especially with such a goliath under his belt with no experience what-so-ever. This illustration is one of a few wholesome little instances you could probably imagine. Poor little Glad got tired from training and fell asleep while listening to one of Guzma’s post-battle lectures. It’s almost kind of cute.

4.) Motherly Advice

Oh but of course, Guzma isn’t the boy’s only parental figure. Plumeria, more docile and passive aggressive in nature is sure to give little Glad any advice he needs. While it is important he learns to toughen up, he’s not a brick wall. She’s there to talk to him whenever he needs it. While at first he’s not privy to talking to her as putting up with Guzma is enough of a challenge in and of itself, eventually, he warms up to her offers to listen when the grunts’ verbal jabs begin to wear down his self-confidence. She also is prone to helping Gladion understand Guzma’s rules and why he’s so hard on the poor little fella. They weren’t so different, even if it didn’t seem that way. “Might be tough for you to believe it, but everybody here has had it rough, even me.” Gladion definitely takes all her advice to heart, frankly just appreciating that someone would just talk to him like...a mother would.

5.) Tough Love

And now we get right back to Gladion’s biggest conundrum: Type:Null. I headcanon pretty much in any AU that there are 3 Type:Nulls in existence: A docile one, an aggressive one, and a pack leader. Gladion this time around ends up taking the aggressive one, not knowing the difference between the Beast Killers. While under Guzma’s wing, Type:Null and Gladion both endure intense and rough training that while unconventional is actually quite necessary. Guzma knows how to handle a bulky mass of rage after all. So first thing’s first, he uses his Golisopod to battle Type:Null in order to help it get out all that pent up aggression and channel it in a productive manner. The more it associated it’s power and ability with Pokemon battle rather than throwing temper tantrums, the better. Golisopod is more than happy to help, which creates a tense rivalry between the two. Often times they will even spar without either of their Trainer’s request. In a similar fashion that Guzma is a mentor to Gladion, Golisopod becomes somewhat of a mentor to Type:Null. Then of course, there’s the trust-building lessons to help Gladion and Type:Null establish a Trainer-Pokemon relationship rather than a Master-Prisoner mentality. It doesn’t quite understand that Gladion is it’s ally, it only knows that it is free from the tazing devices and cold, claustrophobic cages that prevented it from ripping anyone that crossed it to shreds. It had to understand that the boy was it’s friend, not it’s foe. Leading that, Gladion himself would learn how to battle using his Pokemon. A process that requires surprisingly a lot more paper than hands-on studying. After all, he has to memorize all the moves and rules if he’s to become a proper Trainer for that powerhouse.

6.) Am I Supposed To Apologize?

After a long, long, looonnnggg time of building trust and coming to see Guzma like a second father, Gladion finally spills the beans about his mother’s cruelty and his father’s tragic death. Surprisingly, rather than Plumeria, it is Guzma he confides in. He breaks down, confessing every little horrific detail. How his father died in a horrible research accident. How his mother shut them out emotionally after the funeral. How she forced him and his sister to dress perfectly proper in almost all white. How she ridiculed and belittled and shamed them just to make them complicit. How she locked him and Lillie in their rooms for hours on end for simply wearing the wrong shoes. How she took away their Pokemon, saying they weren’t worthy enough children to be Trainers. How she began to pretend as if Gladion didn’t even exist anymore and gave all the attention to his sister just to spite him. All they were to her were ugly, useless children. She didn’t love them anymore, and they didn’t understand. He didn’t understand. He didn’t know what to do. All he wanted to do was run away. But he also wanted to piss her off, give her something to really be upset about. At least then she would give him attention. At least then she would acknowledge him, wouldn’t she? She had to! But she hadn’t even bothered to look for him, she didn’t care about him. She never would. Why did she act like this? Did he do something wrong? Was he supposed to apologize? Why did she hate him so much? Guzma is obviously taken aback by all this and takes pity on the poor boy again, letting him cry out all of his frustrations and woes. Nothing is more painful for Guzma than hearing the things some of these kids he takes in have gone through, but coming from the mouth of someone so young, it also boils his blood. Lusamine will surely regret what she has wrought upon this boy...

7.) Po Town Raid

So I came up with an interesting plot idea, perhaps a sort of climax to this story. Team Skull is still very much a group of criminals. They steal, vandalize, and sometimes even shake down young Trial-Goers who were unfortunate enough to run into one of Guzma’s lackeys. Up to now, nobody really knew where they were hiding out. However, the police somehow found a lead, and raid the entirety of Po Town to arrest and detain everyone. Guzma knows there’s not enough time to save everyone, and decides to make a split second decision as the police come dangerously close to knocking down the door to the mansion. He calls out his Golisopod, ordering Gladion to hide under him and not to come out no matter what he hears. Of course, Gladion is terrified and objects to this, but Guzma manages to convince him that he can handle himself. Begrudgingly, Gladion hides in Golisopod’s grip as it curls up into a ball, shuffling itself under some floor boards beneath a rug on the floor. With bated breath and tears trickling down his face, Gladion is forced to listen quietly as his father figure is arrested and escorted out of the building, insisting there’s no one else left to detain. Golisopod is just as saddened as the boy, hesitant to sit back while it’s Trainer is being hauled off, but obedient enough to keep the boy safe as ordered. After a few hours of complete silence, Gladion and Golisopod finally emerge from their hiding spot, wrought with grief and panic to find Po Town was completely empty and devoid of any other humans or even Pokemon. Everyone was gone.

Sooo another plot twist, I may consider actually writing a fic for this one but obviously not right now. Or I could just keep posting about it here, lol. Honestly I really like this one so I’m definitely gonna continue it regardless. But lemme know what y’all think. 

[ninvic-rbs]

Day 22

Boy i’ve been waiting for this one. So i decided to do some really weird aus, meaning ive been rewatching some stuff and hallucinating lol. Okay so in order you have the bbc version of sherlock (10/10), the greatest showman (10/10) and money heist (11/10, strongly recommend). And then an old reapertale doodle bc ive seen literally zero reapertale grillster fanart and its so aesthetically pleasing i just had to

And as a little extra i guess, i wrote this thing for @silverskye13‘s bodyguard au, which has been pretty active lately, so lets keep the ball rolling. Please keep in mind that 1. i don’t really write and 2. this is the first time i try to write in english, so any feedback is appreciated. Enjoy, i guess

Gaster bent down to reload for the third time already. In his frenzy he almost fell out of his seat, or maybe that was the way the car was moving. Normally they wouldn't really have to run away, with Grillby being able to either kill or scare the others enough to be left alone. But whatever gang was so adamant on capturing the doctor had quickly figured out that normal magic attacks wouldn't get them anywhere. So now, the people on the car chasing behind them were wielding bright orange water guns. Which looked about as ridiculous as one might expect, but had proved efficient; if the way Grillby was hunched and clutching his chest with one hand was anything to go by. The elemental was driving, and he had given Gaster his gun and he was trying to lose them. It was the first time he was shooting with anything that wasn't his blasters; and he was quickly realizing that he had really bad aim when shooting with his hands and not his soul. Between that and how small the targets actually were from the distance, he hadn't hit a thing in the last ten minutes. He was getting frustrated, which didn't mix well with his growing anxiety for the elemental. Grillby looked like he was in agony; most of his shirt completely soaked and sticking to his body. From where he was, Gaster could see almost half of his face had been completely put out. And he wasn't even allowed to pass out. "How's that going?" Gaster could barely hear him above the howling of the wind around them. The elemental sounded tired. "I can't hit them! They're moving too much!" "S'a bunker nearby. We need some time... try to aim for the tires." The skeleton immediately lowered his aim. Even thought the target was considerably bigger, it still took him a few attempts before the tire exploded and the car suddenly started made a sharp turn right and out of the asphalt. That was such a good idea! How had he not thought of that before? He decided to blame his panicked state. Before he sat back down, he saw the vehicle come to a stop and the monsters inside immediately get to work on changing the tire. The skeleton knew it wouldn't stop them for long, but hopefully for long enough. He decided to focus his efforts now on helping the elemental as much as he could, before he realized that he had no idea how to heal that sort of thing. The only thing Grillby had had to recover from before had been exhaustion. How did you tend to a put out fire?! Should he pour gasoline over him? He didn't know! "Grillby, how can I heal this?" He asked, his anxiety for the other's life making his hands shake. "How can I heal you? What do I need?" He wished he could just use green magic. "Just... anything flammable. And liquid. That normally... works..." he was getting weaker. Suddenly, the car screeched to a stop, almost throwing Gaster off his seat. Before he had time to react, the elemental had already opened the door on his side and was painfully getting out, carrying the small bag that contained his belongings. The skeleton quickly followed him, remembering to pick up his own bag. When he caught up, he noticed Grillby could barely walk. Without thinking, he put his arm around the other's and let him use his body as a crutch; although the elemental barely noticed. "Are you okay?" which was a stupid question, of course. "Yeah" he slurred, as if it was fooling anyone. "S'not too far, but we can't leave the car near the entrance." Gaster nodded. Although they were only walking for a total of three minutes, it felt like a small eternity. The skeleton's anxiety at an all time high; constantly looking over his shoulders and checking if the gang had managed to catch up, and trying to keep Grillby steady; even if his walking speed was declining and he put more and more weight on Gaster as they advanced. When they finally stopped, the elemental slumped to the ground, and the skeleton would have thought he had passed out if it weren't because he had started digging around some bushes. Just when the skeleton was about to ask what he was doing, he heard the sound of metal, and in a few seconds a small hatch had opened before them on the ground. It was dark inside; the only discernible thing a ladder leading down to it. "You go first, s- Gaster." The skeleton wanted to argue, but he knew from experience it wouldn't get him anywhere. So he just nodded and climbed down as fast as he could, almost falling once. It wasn't as deep as it had seemed, and he still couldn't see any light switches or anything of the sort. But that didn't worry him right now; as he was looking up and anxiously waiting for the elemental to get to the floor so he could work on healing him. As Grillby started climbing the ladder down, he stopped a second to close the entrance behind them; and the mechanical whirring that followed assured the skeleton that no one was going to follow them down there. Slowly, Grillby made his way down. But when there were only two steps left he collapsed, and he would have fallen to the floor if it weren't for Gaster's lighting fast reflexes in grabbing him with blue and yelping in surprise. "Oh, no. No, no, no, no...!" he murmured in a panic, moving the elemental and settling him on the first surface he saw; which happened to be a couch in the nearest room. "What's... wrong?" Grillby's voice was barely a whisper. The skeleton quickly looked at him, only to have his soul-wrenching fear grow when he noticed that the elemental looked barely conscious. "Nonono, don't fall asleep! You hear me?! Hey, Grillby, c'mon, stay with me!" "...t hurts..." Gaster almost wanted to cry. He had never seen the elemental in such a weak state, and he had to act quickly if he wanted to keep him alive; because a quick stat check confirmed the alarming rate at which Grillby's life was fading. He prayed to every god he had ever heard of that there was some alcohol in the bunker. "I know, I know, I'm going to fix that. Just... stay here. Try not to move, and don't fall asleep." He had already turned around to leave when he felt a weak hold in his wrist. "P-please don't leave... it's cold... I'm scared, Gaster..." came an almost inaudible plea. The skeleton's soul could have broken right then and there. He felt a knot on his non-existent throat when he spoke again. "I'll be back in a minute, okay? Don't worry, I'll be right here if you need me." He softly let go of the elemental's hand and took off running without wasting another precious second. He quickly realized that the bunker was a bit more like a subterranean house than a refuge. It had too so many rooms; it was probably thought out to be lived in for at least a couple of months. He hoped they didn't have to stay that long. Without stopping for a second, the skeleton stumbled somewhere he suddenly realized was the kitchen. He almost fell twice in his rush to open every single cupboard; his hope growing when he found most of them were full of either nonperishable food or utensils. He finally found what looked like a minibar next to the fridge and immediately grabbed the biggest bottle he saw, which turned out to be whiskey. Within the next three seconds he was already back by Grillby's side, feeling a wave of relief when he didn't see only dust on the couch but still rushing to open the bottle, knowing how close the elemental actually was to it. The way his hands were shaking made him take a few more seconds than necessary. "H-hey, Grillby, are you awake?" Gaster was sure he wasn't, but he seemed to wake up at this. When he saw the open bottle, he took it without a word and started downing it desperately. The skeleton blinked, and before he could react the elemental had already drunk more than half of the liquid. He separated the bottle from his mouth and for a few seconds his flame flared up in deep blue colors before settling back down on reds and oranges that were duller than their normal color, but worlds better than how it had been before. And upon checking his stats, Gaster sighed a breath of relief at his slowly growing health. He sat on the couch next to Grillby's legs, suddenly feeling all the exhaustion of the day hit him at once. He could have fallen asleep right there, but he couldn't bring himself to leave the elemental just yet. The elemental that, when he looked up again, he realized was staring at him, even if groggily so. He immediately became worried again, and quickly asked; "Is everything okay? Does anything hurt?" But Grillby only continued staring. The skeleton was about to check his stats again when he finally spoke. "You shouldn't have to... do stuff like this. I'm sorry I'm so bad at my job." He was said it slowly, his voice barely a whisper. He looked like he was falling asleep. After a small pause, the elemental added, his voice even lower; "I wish I could make you happy." Gaster suddenly froze. He didn't know how to react. What had Grillby meant by that? Was that about his job? But he only had to keep him safe, nothing else. And he wasn't bad at it; Gaster was alive, wasn't he? But that other phrase... was... was that...? But there was just no way that was what was going on here... right? He felt his face grow hotter. But, if not that, then what had he meant?   "B-but that's not your job" was the only thing he could blurt out after a few seconds. Not that it was important, since, he noticed, the elemental had already dozed off. The skeleton wasn't sure what to do for a couple of seconds. Eventually he sighed and settled back down, getting as comfortable as he could. He tried not to think about what had just happened as he finally let himself drift off to sleep; the soft crackling of the fire next to him the only sound in the room.

[julietstar]

Late Night Worries - KTH

I’m tired of being what you want me to be - ‘Numb’ Linkin Park

The remnants of screams echoed in the empty and dim-lit room as Taehyung rewatched the concert cam. The energy seemed to pulse through his screen as he watched the twentieth fan cam he found on YouTube. He knew he shouldn’t have been making himself miserable, but to be honest, Taehyung knew he was past that period. He felt numb. After all, it was now three AM, and he was still watching concert videos. He didn’t care if he was rehashing the same concerts, just with different city names in the titles. The songs being sung getting muffled over all the loud bass and cheers.

The door cracked open, and a head of pink hair peeked through, squinting towards the figure hunched over their phone. Jimin looked over at his best friend, who was currently sniffling while watching videos. Moments prior, Jimin didn’t know why he had woken up. Grabbing his phone to check the time, only to temporarily blind himself. The phone was lighting up the room, causing a very frustrated grumble to come from Jin. Quickly clicking his phone back off, Jimin decided to leave the room and get some water from the kitchen, which leads him to see Tae’s room door with light coming from underneath.

Stumbling sleepily over to his friend, he glanced over to notice that Yoongi’s bed looked untouched, which probably meant he was still in the studio. Focusing back on Taehyung, he hit the edge of the bed, nearly falling over onto him. “Are you still awake? Tae, you should be asleep!” He whispered at the boy, causing the said boy to jump and fumble to hide his phone.

“I-I was just checking something.” Taehyung quickly tried to cover for his apparent panic, trying to place his phone under his pillow. Jimin instantly crawled onto the bed and snatched said phone before Taehyung could put it under the pillow.

“What were you looking at?” Jimin snickered at his best friend’s panic, immediately swatting the hands away from trying to get back the device.” Something sexy?”

“N-no, Minnie, give it back!” Taehyung tried to whisper but came out louder due to him panicking. He didn’t want Jimin to look at the video, feeling the crushing embarrassment start to rise in his chest. He nearly was ready to wrestle the boy as he watched Jimin speed type in his password. “What the hell? I changed it literally yesterday?! How’d you-“

“Tae, you’re my best friend, and we’re basically psychically connected. It wasn’t that hard to guess it’d be something along the lines of ‘YeontanIsTheBestestBoy’” Jimin joked as he opened the phone. At the same time, Taehyung paused his flailing in disbelief.

“No way you guessed that!”

“What? Are you saying I’m not smart?” Jimin looked over at the black-haired boy and raised an eyebrow. Only for Taehyung to copy the action. The silence stretched for a moment, and Jimin sighed, rolling his eyes. “Fine. Kookie saw you type it and told me you changed it…Dick.” Jimin swore softly at the end, which caused Taehyung to let out a quick laugh. “Now, what video were you watching?”

“Stop Ji-“

The loud sounds of the concert burst through the phone’s speakers once again, even with the low volume. The beginning sounds of Stigma played on the screen. Jimin was even more curious, exiting out of the full screen to see the YouTube title. “Tae, were you watching-“

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I was watching concert videos. It’s just that-“Taehyung started but trailed off, feeling his throat close up again. Jimin paused the video again and sat up to face Taehyung, noticing the tear tracks on his face.

“Oh Tae,” Jimin started, but seeing his expression, he decided to just hug him. Wrapping his arms around the boy, Jimin immediately felt his shoulder’s shake.

Taehyung didn’t know what happened, but he felt the numbness that had seemingly crept into him over the past weeks get ripped away. Only for the fear and sadness that had been underneath to overflow when Jimin hugged him. His sobs felt like they were punching through his rib cage. He tried to catch his breath, but it was like he was stuck in a pit. The shadows of the dimly lit room coming to grab at him, causing him to gasp out and feel as if his life was being sucked out.

“It’s okay, Tae. Let it out. You’re safe, don’t worry.” Jimin soothed, feeling himself get choked up at his friend’s emotional outburst. Everyone was so tense, and while they were busy with everything new coming, it truly felt that they weren’t even allowed to mourn what they lost. Everything put up in the air, and they were supposed to just forget it and move on. All that hard work and tireless months went in a flash of smoke.

“I - I just can’t stop thinking that this is it, y’know. That this is like… it. Every time I look online, it’s like the world is fucking ending and I just-I just feel so lost under the surface of this status. We’re put under this pressure, and I can’t stop thinking that I’ve failed everyone and myself and I-I can’t help anyone. It’s just- fuck Minnie, I just feel fucking numb to it. I’ve become so numb- become so tired to it, and I shouldn’t!” Taehyung choked out quickly, feeling his fears flood out his mouth at a speed even Yoongi would be impressed by. All that had been swirling in his head nonstop. The constant barrage of being told ‘Yes, well after this,’ becoming ‘We don’t know when-‘. All feeding into his fears of genuinely becoming a caged animal. He listened to Jimin continuously telling him to take deep breaths, to match his, and finally feel the panic attack die down.

“I know it’s been hard, but you shouldn’t keep this all in Tae. You have to talk about this,” Jimin pulled back, holding Taehyung’s shoulders. “If we all just keep those thoughts inside, we’ll believe them, but they’re all lies.”

“But how do you know that?” Taehyung urged, feeling that the thoughts were inescapable. He had been trying, listening to his members, reading comments and posts from ARMY helped, but the voice in his head made him question if he was worth it. He felt tired from fighting the urge to hiding under his blankets and forgetting everything in the world.

“Well, I know that because one: I’ll never leave you alone, and I know that the other’s will do the same. Just cause Yoongi complains about my optimism or Jin nagging about you not wanting to go anywhere doesn’t mean they wouldn’t drop anything for either of us. Two: ARMY has stayed with us for breaks longer than this and loves us so much that I sometimes worry I can’t even reciprocate. And like y’know I’m the best at giving love.” Jimin sniffed up, which made Taehyung giggle at his best friend’s attitude. Jimin seeing his smile, made his heart warm, using the sleeves of his sweater to wipe the tears that ran down Taehyung’s face and cupping his face. “See, even you see that it’s an insane amount. And… we’ll have to work more in the future, or Tannie will kill us since we’d be around him too much.” Which caused Taehyung to gasp at Jimin’s final statement.

“Excuse you, Tannie would never kill me. Maybe you since last time you nearly tripped him.”

“Tripped him? He ran underneath my feet!”

Both boys laughed, falling backwards on the bed at their ridiculous argument. After the laughter settled, Jimin looked over at Taehyung and saw him with a small smile on his face. It made him smile back up at the ceiling, reaching over and grabbed Taehyung’s hand. “See? Honestly, you ain’t getting rid of any of us that easy.” Jimin started with a matter-of-fact tone.

Taehyung glanced over at Jimin’s smug face. “I guess so.”

“Just think of this as the break between the concert and encore. We’re building antici-“

“Pation!” The boys both yelled, laughing at their stupid joke to only hear the door open and get an RJ flying at their faces.

“I swear to god if you two don’t shut up, the next thing I’m throwing in is the frying pan!” Jin shouted before slamming the door shut, causing another laughing fit amongst the two.

Taehyung grabbed the blanket and threw it over them, as Jimin tossed RJ over onto Yoongi’s bed.

“Night Tae-Tae.”

“Night Minnie…Thanks for checking on me.” Taehyung whispered, snuggling against Jimin.

“That’s what soulmates are for.” Jimin whispered back, both smiling as they fell asleep.

[seasonofthegeek]

When the Sun Met the Moon: Roommates

Written for @marichatmay

A big thank you to those of you who said you were enjoying the story so far and wanted to see more; you were my much needed motivation today.

Days 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7:

“What was that thing?” Alya asked in a hushed voice as she rewatched the video she’d been able to record on her phone when the superpowered villain attacked outside the shop she’d been in. “It didn’t even look human and it came out of nowhere. One minute, I’m contemplating spending half my check on a dress and the next I’m on the set of a Marvel movie.”

“I’m just glad you called me when you did. Who knows how long it would’ve been before I found out about it. The damage wasn’t too bad, thankfully.” Marinette winced as she dabbed at the cut along her cheek. She didn’t think it was deep enough for stitches but it might take a while for the mark to go away. “Stupid rock-throwing spiky alien thing,” she muttered.

Her roommate held up a fresh bandage without looking away from her phone. “So this guy was...what, trapped in a weird magic suit? Brainwashed? He looked human after you broke that horn thing.”

“I don’t know. The butterfly was weird too.” 

“Butterfly?”

“You didn’t see a butterfly?” 

“No.”

“Oh.” Marinette smoothed the pink bandage along her cheek and frowned at her reflection. Between the bandage on her face and the wrist brace on her right hand, she wasn’t looking like much of a victor. “He didn’t seem to have any idea what had happened to him. He said he remembered a voice but that was it.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah.”

“But also kind of cool.”

Marinette gave Alya an incredulous look. “He could’ve killed me out there today!”

“Okay, so that part isn’t so cool, but what if you have a nemesis now?”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Think about it. You and Chat Noir have just been chilling out and taking care of small time stuff that the police can mostly handle anyway. You’ve even wondered why Master Fu called you to do this; I know you have.”

“Maybe.”

“So this could be it!” Alya’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Maybe he knew the Big Bad was going to show up sooner or later and he just wanted you to have some experience under your belt first.”

Marinette scowled. “A little warning would’ve been nice.”

“True. Not exactly cool to just throw you out there with no idea what was coming. Maybe he didn’t know.”

“So now we’ve got some...thing that can turn people into monsters? Or maybe this guy was just one of a lot of monsters who are coming and sometimes turn into humans? What am I supposed to do with that?”

Alya shrugged helplessly. “Go be a hero?”

___________________________________

Marinette was curled on the couch and trailing a ribbon across her lap for Petal and Bloom to chase when Alya called her frantically from her bedroom. Before she could get up, her roommate was rounding the couch with her laptop in hand. 

“It’s back, the thing’s back.” She dropped the laptop between them and pushed the screen back, ignoring the agitated kittens who’d had their game interrupted. “And it’s not the only one.”

Marinette saw the odd spiky rock creature she’d fought earlier in the day first and then spotted two more to the left of the shot. There was a reporter standing in front of the camera, warily looking back at the monsters looming in the background. They didn’t seem to be doing anything but standing in place which was somewhat of a relief amidst the shock of seeing them but then she saw something else and felt her heart drop.

Chat Noir stood between two of the creatures, his baton drawn as he tried to keep an eye on them. His expression was unreadable from so far away but Marinette knew exactly what he was feeling because she’d felt it earlier that day.

Panic.

Fear. 

Confusion.

“I have to go help him!” She jumped up and walked in a tight frantic circle until she realized she needed to go to her room to change.

“Marinette, what are you going to do?” Alya followed her with the laptop. “You can’t turn into Ladybug right now.”

“I know that! I...I’ll figure something out.” She pulled on some jogging pants and forced her foot into a sneaker. “The horn! I can tell him to break the horn on their heads to make them turn back.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“No!” She struggled into the other shoe and started pulling her hair up into a ponytail as she went for their door. “Stay here and safe. Wait! Actually do this for me.” She grabbed her phone off the coffee table and scrolled through her contacts quickly, muttering under her breath. “Put this in your phone.” She read off the number as Petal batted at her shoelace. “That’s Master Fu’s number. Call him and tell him...tell him everything. Tell him I’m with Chat and call me if he knows what we should do.”

“Have you told him about Chat?”

“Of course not. I chickened out.” Marinette gently but quickly picked up Petal and Bloom and dropped them on the couch so they wouldn’t have time to make it to the door as she left. “Call me when you know something!” she yelled as she left her apartment to go fight monsters.

So for this AU, I'm taking some of the elements we saw in Origins with Ladybug not knowing she needed to cleanse the akuma which caused more akumas to sprout. She doesn't have Tikki to tell her these kinds of things so while she knows about using Lucky Charm, she doesn't know about the Miraculous Cure. I thought it would be something different to have to watch the characters work things out for themselves when they don't have kwamis to let them in on the trade secrets. Maybe Master Fu told them each about Lucky Charm and Cataclysm and hoped they would figure out the rest because that's usually how he rolls.