It's a read more cuz I want to vent and get kinda real a bit here
I have been not good recently. 2022 literally knocked me down, spit on me, kicked me as I tried to get up, and ended with me being just about the lowest I can ever remember being. I contemplated different methods to end myself. I almost tried some of them.
But some movies came out that have literally kept me going.
Everything Everywhere All At Once is probably my favorite film I have ever seen (you wouldn't know that based on my tumblr recently, but I'm gonna get to that). Working through so much of my own familial trauma, depression, and thoughts of suicide, this film resonated with me more than basically anything. And it's done through this absolutely silly premise with so much goofy action, but dammit if it didn't get me tearing up over a fucking rock with googly eyes. Joy's anger and frustration and exasperation at the end of the film is exactly what I was feeling at the time, and still honestly do.
I literally do not know where to begin with what feels so goofy to say, but it's so real right now. This fucking movie about a Ginger Cat that wear Boots has me in a vice grip. Puss' (Puss's?) figurative and literal entanglements with Death and the value of life is hitting me so hard, because of how much I wanted to stop my own. The wolf is hot. I haven't wanted to consume so much media about a fictional character like this, ever, that I can remember. It feels so silly to say out loud (type), but how much Death values life in this film is so interesting and cool to me, and if the fucking sexy wolf wants people to cherish their existence then dammit maybe I should, too. And consuming all this media is bringing me so much joy, I literally haven't just randomly smiled as much as I have these last like, two weeks thinking about this film and character in a long time. Is it healthy to be so consumed by fictional characters? I don't know, but it's making me happy right now, so I want to ride it out.
I've lately felt like the universe has just put a giant brick wall in front of me, and is continuing to add layers as I chip and pry away at it with my bare hands. I've been feeling like I'm fighting to merely survive for over a year, and my mental health has really tanked because of how frequently I feel like I've been shat on the last twelve months of my life.
I know that there's an end to it all. I know there will be a way out of where I am. I am working so hard to try and find the ladder to climb out of this pit.
If being horny on main for Death gives me a little light, I think I'll let that candle burn as long as it can. If screaming into the void now and then helps calm me down, I might rant more like this here and there.
If you know me in real life, I'm okay. I will be okay. I appreciate and love you for taking the time to stick with me and through all my ups and downs (and also the wolf).
Thanks for your time.
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HELLO HI HELLO I AM!!!
RECOVERING CURRENTLY!!!!
So I haven't posted in a small moment and planned to get myself going again soon but right now I am recovering from an accident (I won't get into the nitty gritty) that has left me quite shaken. FIRST OFF I AM OKAY! Minor injuries so nothing alarming I am physically fine besides being sore for a bit and some scrapes and bruises that are still healing, including my arms which is making drawing a bit difficult. I'm slowly getting better but cant really draw for long periods and honestly I might not draw much for a bit till I feel better both physically and mentally.
its the mentally part that might take some time. But I'm resting, rest assured!
ANYWAY this is more just an update cause I know i've been a lil absent. ESPECIALLY after this accident. I'm not abandoning the blog by any means, def still check on tumblr but couldn't seem to muster the energy to interact with much at the moment as my brain is a little rattled up.
I hope yall are all okay! I hope your days are bright and yall are taking care of yourselves!
I promise I'm doing what I can to take care of me!
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Thinking of G'raha Tia, only 24 years old and simultaneously beyond and behind his peers because of how the archon accepted the fate of locking himself away in the Crystal Tower. Thinking of him, with the optimism of a 24yo and the attention span of a 24yo and the life goals of a 24yo who just realized that the world is a lot bigger than all the books he studied and slept on could ever describe. Thinking of him, telling his new friends and his old friends and his scared inner self that he's not going to die, that he's just going to sleep, knowing full well that he will likely never wake up.
Thinking of G'raha Tia, only 124 waking years old and carrying the memories of people that never lived because of what he did after waking in the Crystal Tower. Thinking of him, with a heart shattered by experiences and with the careful plotting that comes from experiences and with a pure self-destructive goal forged by those experiences who just realized that he is going to have to live in a world that never was but is now and is greater than all his hopes and fears ever conspired to put together. Thinking of him, telling his old friends and his new friends and the one person that he is scared of losing that he is going to be okay, that he is going to not sleep on life, knowing that this is the world he was ready to die for, knowing that he will likely never discover everything about it but is ready to die trying.
Thinking of that moment when G'raha Tia the 24yo meets G'raha Tia the 124yo in the landscape of their unifying mind. Thinking of them, when the life goals of a 24yo collides with the life goals of a 124yo and how the century of experiences between them makes them completely separate people. Thinking of them, telling his younger self that the ambition was fulfilled and it's time to wake up, telling his older self that there is still ambition more and the dream has just begun, telling each other that this is not a type of death but just a change and both of them knowing full well that they are going to die to each other so that G'raha Tia may yet live for one more adventure with their friend.
Thinking of G'raha Tia and that moment of ultimate surrender of self to self.
Thinking.
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wrestling fic writers!!
i have decided to be the change i wanna see, so lets do a nice little thing for each other, as a community full of incredible and talented writers. yes this is writer specific only, but thats cause thats where the main problem of people not interacting with creative works lies in this fandom as far as i can tell and have seen people talking about it especially in the last couple of months
if you read this, please add links to your written works. it can be just a single fic youre really proud of, your writing blog, your writing tag, your ao3 account, anything where your works can be found
and if you leave your link here, PLEASE check out someone else that has left their works, and interact with them. leave them a comment, even just a kudos, REBLOG their fic, etc. interacting is the keyword i want to emphasize here, along with building a sort of a masterpost of where to find people writing in this fandom
and if you are not a writer, youre still highly encouraged to interact with this post and share it and show love to the writers in this fandom, obviously!! i think that should go without saying, but adding it in anyways
a bit more about my vision and resources and such under the read more, but thats the gist of it. happy linking and please be kind and supportive to each other!! 💜
nobody is too big or too small to add their things on this list. if you write and post anything in this fandom whatsoever, be it fics or drabbles or headcanons, any companies or any kind of ships or reader inserts or any content whatsoever no matter how 'dead dove dont eat' or hell even if its just meta, we welcome all here and nobody can say that one thing is less valid than another. just please tag your content accordingly, especially if theres content warnings, and feel free to mention what you write, who you write, any info you wish to leave that would help people before they click on your links. but even so, that should not and hopefully will not deter people from interacting, no matter what it is. someones trash is another ones treasure, i promise you
and unless the amount gets really overwhelming, im personally going to be checking out everyone that leaves something here. unless it squeaks me out, but even then, i'll spread the word. and i just wish as many people as possible will do the same, and not just use this as a potential board to only get eyes on their stuff. ofc thats also the point, but you should give as much, if not more, than you get. we need to be kind and supportive of one another (besides, from personal experience, if you show love to someone else, they are more likely to do it back than without you taking the first step, so... pay it forward)
as for resources, heres a few links that should be helpful in leaving comments and feedback. of course everyone does their own thing and no comment is too big or too small to leave, but for those who need them. if you have anything you'd like added to this list, dont hesitate to get in touch or drop it in the post yourself!!
101 comment starters
ao3 floating comment box
kudos html
dont know how to comment? easy solutions
a quick hot guide to commenting (by yours truly)
an overall guide to appreciating fanfic writers
and just in general.. leave people comments. leave them asks about their projects. just go over and gush about their work. i know it sounds embarrassing but writers love nothing more than to hear that someone likes what they are doing. if you find a fic that hasnt been updated in forever, comment on it. it might just be the spark the author needs to continue. while kudos and likes are nice, and just as valuable to some, its definitely in the words the people leave for them that matter the most. im not saying this to put pressure on anyone, its just how it is, and i feel like unless people are writers themselves, and even then sometimes, thats just hard to grasp, especially if the writer is a smaller and less popular one who doesnt get a lot of traffic in the first place
i think thats all. just be nice and considered to everyone, reblog peoples works, this post with others add ons and so forth. and if i find anyone talking shit here or at other writers for something they share, you'll be blocked and im probably taking your kneecaps. be fucking nice. we are all struggling here and we need to stick together
happy sharing and commenting 💜💜
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For everyone feeling the need to add that they don't want to see dt or ctate in dw again, to my gifset from David and Catherine panel re: the other idea rtd had for the doctordonna story, you DO realise I didn't ask for your opinion and you could just reblog the set and make your own post, right? also you do realise that big finish exists and even IF they decide to tell this story, it could be an audio adventure, right? yall can't enjoy a gifset or fun panel without inserting you negative 5 cents, especially under someone else's edit. rant over.
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