#if i feel sick or tired again i will delay it for Saturday | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

secretobsessionstuff · 3 years

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Hey, I'm a big fan of your writing! Can you please write 91+ 87+ 80+ 51 for Blair and Dakota with a sick Blair? I would love a full-length fic with an established relationship, but I would be happy with anything!

91. "Do you get migraines like this a lot?"

87. "Hey, are you back with me? You just passed out."

80. “Maybe this is the Universe’s way of telling you to rest.”

51. "You can't go. You can barely stand up."

Dude I am sorry that it took so long for me to get to this request! But here it is and I hope it's good. The prompts are are from THIS lovely list.

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“Don’t leave,” Dakota mumbled, still half asleep. The weight of the bed shifted as his girlfriend untangled herself from the warm blankets. With tired eyes, he reached out to her as if he could compel her back into his arms. “You know you don’t want to get up.”

Dakota was right. Bair didn’t want to go to work, but the idea of leaving it all till Monday filled her with anxiety that outweighed her desire for sleep. The yellow light of the morning that peaked through the blinds did not motivate her, instead it forced her eyes closed when they really should have stayed open. She sat on the edge of the bed with her feet touching the cold floor, hoping the motivation would come to her.

“I have to,” she told Dakota. “I got a flood of new clients that all have appointments next week. I have to get ready.”

“But it’s Saturday,” he whined.

Blair sighed. “I know.”

It was blasphemous to work on the truly sacred day of the weekend, but this is what she wanted. She wanted her own clients. She wanted that sign on the door that read Blair Carraway, RD. No longer an assistant or an intern. She was now a registered dietitian. A rookie, unfortunately, which meant that she had to work hard if she wanted to grow her list of patients. And sometimes that meant working overtime. She had to sacrifice her Saturday.

“Are you sure you won’t reconsider? For me?” Dakota said teasingly as he put his hand on her waist. He began to trace his hand up the side of stomach, beneath her shirt.

She swatted his hand away. “No, sorry. I’m leaving. I’m going.”

“Fine.” Dakota let his head fall back onto his pillow. “Bye, baby.”

“Bye.”

Dakota waited a second. She didn’t get up. He cocked an eyebrow even though she wasn’t looking at him. “Whatchu waiting for?” There was a playfulness to his voice which he dropped when he heard her let out a little groan. “You good?”

“My head hurts,” she said simply. “But I’m fine.”

Attempting to stand was the wrong thing to do, but that’s what she did. She got to her feet and immediately had to blink away blurry spots in her vision. Before she could fall, she sat back down on the bed, waiting until she felt steady enough to try again.

“You can't go,” Dakota said, watching her struggle with gravity. “You can barely stand up.

“I said I’m fine. I just have to take some pain meds before leaving.”

“Or,” Dakota began, “you can always climb back into my arms for ever and ever. We can live happily ever—”

Blair flopped her pillow down onto his face and stood up, this time successfully. A grin crept at the corners of her mouth, but the pain in her temples kept the smile from fully forming.

…

She almost made it out of the house. She’d gotten dressed and ate breakfast, but the food didn’t feel like leaving the house with her. The drumming in her head got louder as the morning went on, until finally it overwhelmed her senses. She stumbled her way to the bathroom, telling herself that this was the last delay before leaving.

Her stomach swirled as she walked down the hallway, leaning heavily on the wall. It was miracle that Blair was able to stumble her way to the toilet in the dark without falling over. Bright dots of light shot the darkness, leaving behind bullet holes in her vision. The glowing lines zig-zagged above the toilet bowl, turning the whole ordeal into a sick carnival game where she had to aim if she wanted to win a prize.

Blair was losing. She retched once, unsure if all the vomit managed to land in the water. Luckily, the first gush was small. She choked up the mouthful of sick, wondering why the walls were squeezing in closer.

Something greedy inside her head was trying to pull her eyes deeper into her skull. It felt like her eyes were swollen and bulging against their sockets as someone tried to squeeze them through tiny holes.

For the moment, her stomach didn’t send up another wave, but it kept the nausea at its highest. All Blair could think was that this was incredibly inconvenient. She was supposed to be on her way to the office by now. She checked the time on her phone, telling herself that she had fifteen minutes to suffer. After those fifteen minutes there would be no more migraine, no more pain, no more nausea.

The glowing numbers of the phone screen were jagged and broken from the bright lines that bisected them. Blair groaned, wishing she hadn’t just illuminated her entire face with hellish blue light.

For a dizzying second, she thought that she turned the brightness of her phone down, but it was really her brain turning down the brightness of the world. The pinkish and yellow migraine aura started to spread from the edge of her vision to the center, and in its wake was just black. Just darkness.

…

“Blair? Blair?”

Shut up, Blair wanted to yell but her voice was lost deep inside of her.

“Blair, wake up.”

She was awake…she thought. Blair wasn’t entirely sure. Nothing felt completely real. It was as if she floated between sleep and wakefulness. The annoying voice that pieced her head sounded distant. It came from far away, from a world that wasn’t sure if it exited yet. The voiced sounded worried. But what could it possibly be worried about if it lived in a make-believe land?

There were a few things that swayed Blair over to the side of the living—of wakefulness. One of the things that Blair could never dream about was taste. But she tasted something awful just then. It was sour and clung to the back of her throat. There was also the cold flooring that somehow always found a way to give her a chill. At last, there was a hand that obsessively brushed hair away from her face.

If nothing else, Blair opened her eyes because the touching and talking made her want to grind her teeth together. She refrained from doing that though because she knew the tension in her jaw would send shockwaves of pain to her forehead.

She opened her eyes, thankful to find that the bathroom light was still off. Dakota’s silhouette appeared before her. She heard him sigh as her other senses came back to her.

Dakota put his hand on her cheek. “Hey, are you back with me? You just passed out.”

“Mhh,” Blair mumbled before licking her lips. Her mouth was dry. Though her stomach felt like it was boiling over, she need something to drink anyway. “…need water.”

“Right, okay, okay,” Dakota said, looking for anything that he could do to help. While filling up a glass from the tap, he looked worriedly at his girlfriend. “Honey, what happened? One second you’re leaving for work, and the next I find you passed out in the bathroom.”

Blair squinted as he spoke. He wasn’t that loud, but every little sound left cracks in her skulls. “It’s just a migraine…it’s not that bad.” Yeah, it wasn’t that bad. She could still go to work. There weren’t really fissures it in her head; it only felt like it.

“Not that bad? You’re acting like it’s just a headache.” He handed her the glass and sat back down on the floor with her. “Do you get migraines like this a lot?”

“I used to get them really often,” Blair said after swooshing water around in her mouth and spitting it out in the toilet. She swallowed the next mouthful and instantly regretted it as she felt her belly protest. “But I don’t usually—”

“Pass out? Puke? I can see you did that too,” Dakota said, gesturing to the toilet. “You still look really nauseous. The water didn’t help, did it?”

Blair shook her head with her hand over her mouth. “I don’t have time for this, I have to—” a gag blocked the rest of her sentence from coming out. She couldn’t help but close her eyes as the nausea and dizziness took over. Her shoulders rolled forward as if forcing her to move closer to the toilet, forcing her to accept it.

“Oh Bee,” Dakota cooed, putting a hand on her back, “Just let it happen. Fighting it won’t make the pain go away.”

Blair didn’t stop fighting against the urge to be sick; it simply won.

The sick poured out of mouth in a thin stream of brown. She retched painfully, feeling like her own body was betraying her. “I hate this,” she choked out in between heaves.

The pressure in her head made everything worse, and she still wasn’t done. Constant pulses of pain pounded behind her eyes and against her temples while she threw up all the contents of her stomach.

“I know, babe, I know,” Dakota said softly. “But you kinda needed this.”

She groaned and shot her boyfriend an irritated look. “Why the hell would I need this?”

“Well, you know,” Dakota stammered, feeling like he just said the worst possible thing. “Maybe this is the Universe’s way of telling you to rest.”

Blair spat into the toilet. She didn’t want rest. She wanted to get ahead of stress before it overwhelmed her. Well, didn’t that turn out great? She wiped her runny nose with toilet paper, without saying anything is response. Her breath shook on the exhale—the only sign that she was staying silent in fear that she would start to cry.

It was such a subtle thing, but Dakota immediately touched her shoulder. “Hey, no. Don’t do that. It’s gonna be fine.” He carefully turned her shoulder so she would look at him. There were tears in her eyes, giving them the appearance of glassy blue gems. “Taking one day to rest isn’t going to hurt anything. It’ll help you be better on Monday.”

“But, Kota, people expect things from me now.”

“No one expects you to sacrifice your well-being,” he said, taking her hand in his to give it a kiss. “Now, we’re going back to bed and you’re going to sleep for as long as you want. Okay?”

When Blair didn’t say anything, Dakota moved closer to kiss her shoulder. In the softest whisper imaginable he repeated, “Okay?”

She shrugged, “I guess.”

Dakota frowned, knowing that even the promise of sleep and darkness wouldn’t stop Blair from feeling like a failure. Only time and experience could help her see how she was enough. And maybe he could speed up that acceptance with sweet words. “I know you hate yourself right now, but I see how hard you work. You deserve a break. You’re doing enough.”

#emeto #emetophilia #sickfic #emeto fic #emeto fiction #migraine #migraine fic #nausea #Dakota #Blair #my ocs #vomiting #puking #h/c #hurt/comfort

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angelicyoongie · 4 years

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desolate (2)

— summary: you just wanted a cute little normal cat to keep you company. so, you're not really sure how you ended up with the grumpiest hybrid on earth that seems hellbent on making your life difficult.

— pairing: cat hybrid yoongi x reader

— genre: angst, fluff, eventual smut

— word count: 2.9k

— tag list: @mrcleanheichou , @ladymidnightt Part one Part three Part four Part five Part six Part seven Part eight Part nine Part ten (M) Part eleven Part twelve Part thirteen Part fourteen (M)

A sharp tone rips you out of your dreams, your alarm screeching at the top of its lungs to make you get up. You groan, fumbling around before you find your phone to turn it off. You look at your screen through bleary eyes, annoyed that you forgot to turn off your alarm considering it’s a Saturday and you absolutely do not have to wake up at 6.30 am today.

You huff, throwing your phone further down your bed and turning over to go back to sleep. The noise startled you enough that you can still feel your heart racing, and even though you doubt you’ll be able to slip back into the dream you had, you can still take a few minutes more to just rest.

You stare at the sunlight that has started peeking through the gaps in your curtains, everything still a little hazy from the vivid dream you had. But the more you look out in your room, the more the golden eyes and black soft fur you thought was only a dream starts melting away and the day before comes rushing back.

You actually adopted a cat! Your stomach does a funny flip, excitement rushing through your veins as you quickly sit up in bed. The floor is cold as you plant your feet on the ground, and you hurry over to your closet with a grimace.

In a few weeks it’ll become too cold to have the heater off, and you already dread how high your electricity bills are going to become in the following months. But it’s either that or freezing to death, and frankly with your busy schedule, you don’t have time for that. You throw on a hoodie and some sweatpants, happy that the only thing on your agenda today is just lazing around the apartment.

You hurry to your bedroom door after tugging on some thick socks to ward off the cold, only pausing for a short second to take a deep breath before opening it. You didn’t know what you were expecting, but finding your kitty lying directly outside of your door definitely wasn’t it.

You freeze, foot caught mid-air as you stare down at the black ball of fur curled up on the floor. You carefully set your foot down again, clutching the doorframe as you slowly slide down to a crouch. He's so fluffy and cute that your legs wobble, and you have to put a hand down on the floor to keep from toppling over your cat.

You wince as the cold seeps into your fingertips, and you don’t like the thought of your kitty sleeping on it. What if he gets sick? Can cats get sick? You’re not sure, but you don’t want to find out either.

“Kitty?” You murmur, watching as one ear twitches in your direction. You reach out slowly, hand hovering over the furry body hesitantly. You want to touch him, but the band-aids along your forearm serves as a reminder of how much he didn’t like that last night.

“Kitty?” You try again, and this time, golden eyes slide open at your voice. You let out a small coo as it blinks slowly, obviously still sleepy. You figure it might be safe to touch it now that it’s awake, but the moment you fingers inch closer it hisses, golden eyes suddenly wide and alarmed before it quickly scampers under the couch again.

You sigh, pushing yourself up to get some breakfast. You desperately want to cuddle and coddle your new cat, but it’s obvious that it needs space and time, and you need to respect that. Owning pets isn’t always sunshine and butterflies and you figure it probably had a rough life on the streets before you picked it up. It was alone in a shelter, after all.

You change out the water in the bowl you put out for your cat the night before, a frown settling on your face as you realize the dry food you got from Yeonjun hasn’t been touched. You sprinkle some more kibble on just in case, hoping that the fresh bits might smell good and entice your cat to eat something.

It’s still early and you’re feeling a little too lazy to make anything, so you decide that today’s breakfast will be yesterday's leftovers. You bring your meal to the couch, placing the plate with rice and chicken on the coffee table in front of it. You hear a low grumble from underneath the couch as you take a step closer, and you decide that maybe delaying getting your feet mauled for another minute is okay as you run back to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

You don’t like the thought of being scared of your own cat, but you figure he’s probably way more scared than you are, and so you just need to suck it up for a while. You gasp as you round the corner, shocked to find your cat eating away at a chicken breast on your plate.

“Kitty!” You rush forward, scared that he’s eating something he isn’t supposed to and hoping to stop him, but your cat is back under the couch before you even reach the table. There’s an obvious gap on your plate from the missing chicken your cat brought with it under the couch, but from the sounds of it, it seems like your cat was starving.

You can hear the hurried bites from where you’re standing, and your heart aches a little at the thought of it being so hungry. Despite your better judgement, you quickly grab another breast from your plate before you can second-guess yourself. Placing it close to the edge of the couch on the floor, you snatch your fingers back just as a black paw comes out and swipes the food in.

You tentatively sit down on the couch, perching on the edge so that your legs are as far away as they can be. Your cat seems to be too busy eating to notice your presence, or maybe it just doesn’t care as long as you bring it food, but you’re nearly all the way done with your meal before you hear a soft hiss from underneath you again.

“I’m done soon kitty,” You mutter, shoving the rest of the food into your mouth before you hurry off into the kitchen with your plate. You know you still have a long way to go before your cat starts to like you, but it still feels like a small victory.

“He hates me,” You groan as you slump down in your chair, Jihyo’s bright eyes staring at your over her computer screen.

“Who? Your cat?” She tilts her head, a small frown on her face as she takes in your tired appearance. You didn’t sleep well all weekend.

You felt terrible for making your cat scared, and so you tried to steer clear of the couch as much as possible. But you also realized you needed to make your presence known if he was ever going to get used to you - so you spent the weekend feeling guilty for both staying away and staying close.

“Yeah,” You mutter as you blow a stubborn piece of hair away from your face.

“It probably just needs some time to adjust ..” She trails off, but you can see the words on the tip of her tongue forming already.

“Don’t–” You start, but Jihyo interrupts you.

“This is why you should’ve gotten a hybrid! It would never be so mean to you,” She pouts. You take a deep breath, trying to push down the annoyance that wants to bubble up and explode.

You love Jihyo and she’s one of your closest friends, but she doesn’t really share the same reality as you. She has money, and you don’t. And while it sounds trivial, it’s enough to create a rift in situations like these where she just doesn’t get it. You don’t have money for a hybrid. Period.

“Jihyo. Let it rest,” You grumble, tone serious and eyes narrowed as you stare her down. She opens her mouth, but seems to think twice and clamps it shut instead.

“Fine,” She huffs. She lets you work in peace until lunch, but you can tell she’s practically bursting with the need to say something as she tugs you inside the lunchroom. It’s empty, you two usually taking your break a little earlier than everybody else just to get some privacy when you eat and talk.

You’ve barely taken a bite of your sandwich when Jihyo sighs dramatically, eyes wide as she throws her arms out across the table.

“I know I’ve only had Sana for three days, but if something happens to her I’m going to kill everybody and then myself,” You roll your eyes, but can’t help but smile at how fond Jihyo seems to be already.

“Stop being so dramatic,” You snort. A man quietly makes his way inside the break room; you think you vaguely recognize him as being one of the IT guys in your department.

His eyes grow wide as your eyes meet, and he hurries off to the little kitchen in the corner of the room with his head hung low when you give him a small nod as a greeting. Jihyo seems obvious, too busy dreamily staring out of the window behind you as she continues.

“Sana is so cute. She’s so happy and cuddly,” She gushes, quickly bringing out her phone to show you some of the pictures she took over the weekend. You two have been texting of course, but you knew she wanted to talk about it in more detail over lunch.

“She even picked out her own collar! Look!” You see the IT guy slip out the kitchen as you take Jihyo’s phone, paying him no mind as you smile at the picture of her Pomeranian hybrid.

“Aww, how adorable,” You can’t help but grin, happy that your friend found someone she enjoys spending her time with.

“Y/N!” Jihyo suddenly exclaims, “Maybe I can bring Sana over on Friday? She’s been dying to see you again,” You mull it over for a second.

You do really want to see Sana and Jihyo, and since your cat pretty much lives under the couch you’re sure an hour or two will be fine. Sana seems to sweet and quiet that you don’t think it’ll be much of a problem even if she is a dog hybrid.

“Sure!” You agree, happy to spend some more time with your friend.

The moment you step inside your apartment after work, you’re sure you see a black tail hurry around the corner.

“I’m home!” You call out, but the silence that greets you feels heavy and uninviting, and you suddenly feel more alone than what you did before when you were actually by yourself. You quickly shed your shoes and your coat, briefly slipping into your bedroom to pull on some more comfortable clothes.

You’re hungry; the lunch you brought today definitely wasn’t enough to keep you sated until work was over. You quickly fry up some vegetables and meat, mindful to keep away from any seasoning. Your cat has made it clear it’s not eating the cat food Yeonjun gave you, and so you’ve been letting it eat some of your own food until you can get him something else.

Once you’re sure the meat has cooled down enough, you slip some on to a plate, bringing it into the living room. You’re about to place it down under the couch when you hesitate. If you keep doing this you’re sure it’s only going to get harder to get to know your cat, and that’s not what you want to happen.

So you carefully place it a little further away, so that your cat needs to take a few steps out to eat it. You hurry out to the kitchen to grab your own plate, and when you return, you find your cat halfway out from under the couch, golden eyes trained on you as he eats.

“I’ll stay over here kitty. Take your time,” You make sure to sit on the other side of the couch, giving you cat some space while still being close. You turn on the TV, getting more and more absorbed in the show as your dinner grows colder.

You eat absentmindedly, the plot too interesting to tear your eyes away from. So it comes as a surprise when you move your hand to pick up your fork, but your fingers come into contact with soft fluffy fur instead.

You eyes snap down in panic as you find your cat looking up at you with wide eyes, a piece of meat caught between its teeth. Your fingers twitch involuntarily at the feel of fur against them, and the motion seems to remind your cat suddenly as to why it doesn’t like you.

Its ears flatten against its skull, and you can practically see the murder written in his eyes before he jumps down and crawls under the couch again. You don’t realize you were even holding your breath until your lungs start burning, and you drop your outstretched hand into your lap as you gulp down air.

You stay in the living room for a little while more, ignoring the disgruntled noises coming from the floor as you finish your show.

“Night kitty,” You say as you turn off the lights, hurrying down the hallway to your room and closing the door behind you. You can still feel the brush of fur against your fingers even after you’ve gone to bed, a small smile tugging at your lips.

Even if touching him was an accident, he has still started to feel comfortable enough around you to take the risk to steal your food, and that has to count for something.

Nothing really changes between you and your black menace until Thursday evening. You have been tiptoeing around your apartment all week, apparently the cat’s mood has only soured after you accidentally touched it, and you have no idea how to make it better.

It’s grown colder outside as well, and you can only hope that your cat at least sleeps on top of the couch when you’re not there. You’ve taken to laying out some blankets on the floor, just in case. Work today was particularly exhausting, and curling up on the couch with a blanket and some mindless television watching sounds like dream come true. So that’s exactly what you do as soon as you get home and finish dinner.

You’re skipping through channels until you find something mildly interesting - a documentary on hybrids. The narrators voice is soothing, and it doesn’t take long before you start drifting off, feeling comfortable and full after your dinner. You vaguely listen as the soft-spoken voice tells you about hybrids habits, almost lulled completely to sleep before you feel the slight dip in the cushion near your feet.

You’re so far gone that you barely pay it any notice, not even when you feel the presence getting closer and closer. You’re on your back, head tilted to the side as you watch the TV through half-lidded eyes as something steps on your stomach.

The blanket you have over you is so thick you can barely feel it, but you catch a dark mass out of the corner of your eye. He thinks I’m asleep, you realize, just as you suddenly feel a weight drop down on your body.

You don’t move, afraid that you’ll scare him now that he finally seems to have gained some confidence and trust in you. Your neck is starting to cramp from the awkward position, but you refuse to move, opting to just watch him get comfortable out of the corner of your eye.

You count to two hundred in your head after the moving stops, and turn your head the slightest bit just to make some of the pain go away. Golden eyes blink open immediately, staring you down as you look back at your cat.

“Comfy?” You ask, slowly reaching your hand to see if he'll let you pet him. You feel claws digging into the fabric despite the thickness when he notices your hand, a hiss rumbling in his chest until you drop it back down.

“No touching. Got it,” You mumble, somehow feeling a little chastised. You almost feel shy having him so close, especially when your cat won’t stop looking at your face, almost as if he’s scrutinizing it. But that’s ridiculous, you decide, he’s just a cat.

Any trace of sleep is long gone by now, but you cat however, seems to be growing tired of his staring game, eyes slowly slipping closed with each breath you take. You can still see that he’s a little tense, but just the fact that he’s here, on top of you, warms your heart.

You watch him rest until you feel your own eyelids become heavy again. You know your back will kill you tomorrow if you sleep here, but you don’t want to wake up your kitty, not when you can provide him with some warmth. So, you fall asleep with a lighter heart than you have had in days, hopeful that maybe this will turn out better than you first thought.

Oh, if only you knew what you really had gotten yourself into.

- - - - Hello! Hope you enjoyed the second chapter of desolate! Next chapter will be Jihyo and Sana coming over to visit you and your kitty, which said black fluffball might not be so happy about .. Not when he’s just starting to warm up to you.

OT7 version is coming soon as well, so keep your eyes peeled for that :) Thank you all for the lovely feedback on the first chapter, it made me really excited to continue working on this! My inbox is always open if you want to chat about the story or just fics or life in general! See you all soon!

#bts #bts hybrid #bts hybrid au #yoongi #cat hybrid yoongi #min yoongi #suga #bts fanfiction #bts x reader #yoongi x reader #romance #fluff #angst #hybrid!bts #desolate masterlist #jihyo #sana #yeonjun

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acknowledgetheabsurd · 3 years

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“Saturday night 10:00 a.m. [September 10, 1949]

My darling love, I just arrived, I went from the Vaucluse in the sun to these harsh plateaus, I left the shorts for the jacket. I live here in a sort of fortified farmhouse five kilometers from the nearest village. No running water, wooden floors, ceilings with visible beams, and through all the windows horizons of black fir trees. I spent months and months here in the fall, winter and spring of 1943. I came down only once in 1943 and that was to go to Paris where I saw Deirdre des Douleurs. I lived in absolute solitude, sick and very poor. The memories I left here are not happy ones.

I was in a tragic mood, and it was that mood, I think, that I found again when I arrived there tonight. I was also thinking about you all the way here, thinking that I would be out of touch until Tuesday or Wednesday, and that I was beginning not to be able to bear these delays anymore from you to me. If you were with me a lot of things would change. I would show you this country, the woods where I used to walk with my dogs, the heights where I used to sit and look out over the sea, the pilgrimage of a loneliness that was once lost in you.

It's true, you know. Since that time I have never been alone. Even when I was separated from you, something was inside me. Another being existed in this world with whom I was united, in spite of him then, and today in spite of the whole earth. Tonight, I found myself in this silent room where I work and live apart (it is in a kind of square tower) and I found you again with an intensity, a suffering, and a joy so present, so carnal, that it hurts me.

What are you doing tonight, at this very moment? The moon here is rising behind the trees and the night is cold and wonderful. My love, what a call to you! I'm worried again. During all these days in Paris I let myself go towards you totally, too tired to think, only able to feel you, to touch you, to caress in me an unspeakable happiness. I was happy, happy as I had never been. Here, anxiety comes back and the fear, the panic of losing you also comes back in waves. But I tell myself that I must rest and sleep, that you need my strength too.

I shouldn't have written to you tonight, by the way, and I'll take this letter back in the morning. But I felt a heart so full of memories and desires, so agitated by you, that I had to talk to you a little, as I would like to do, lips to lips, sometimes detaching myself to look at your wonderful face of consent. Ah, my darling, how I need only one sign from you to live.

Sunday afternoon 5:30 p.m. [September 11, 1949] I went to bed yesterday after writing to you. I slept until 8 o'clock. I got up and went back to bed. I read. I slept again until lunch. After lunch I went back to bed. I slept till 4:00 again. Sleepyheaded, also heavy with bad dreams, I went for a walk in the woods. And then I had to come back to you. When you receive this letter, another week will separate us. It's more than I can bear and I've decided not to extend my stay beyond that: I'll be back on the 20th. Until then I'll try to sleep all the time.

I feel empty-hearted and it seems to me that I can do nothing better than wait in my sleep to find the happiness that has been mine these last few days. I do not live in illusion. I know that the sweetness, the wisdom you have given me are conquests and that they may be compromised. But I have chosen you, and you alone. And everything I live near you is better, even in the worst case, than a life far from you.

I'm also gonna try to work on a piecemeal basis. It'll already be working with you. But I don't feel any work force - only a great restlessness of sensibility. Maybe that's what it takes now, by the way, to improve the piece. Just don't say you don't want to do it, like you did the other night. Stay with me everywhere. Even if we fight, that's fine. Let's fight, and then smile like you know how, with that smile I love to kiss. Yes, I'm going home. You'll be here, you won't have changed. Two or three more days before I have a letter, and I can write with the certainty that I don't now have the previous sentence! Another two or three days to go crazy. For it is an inner delirium that this constant thought, this monologue, this deaf deprivation! I'm crazy, I'm afraid. But sleep will fix everything.

A cold wind has risen. The day turns gently on these cold and hostile plateaus. Loneliness also tastes awful at times. Write, write especially. Don't forget that your letter takes three trains and a bus to get here, two or three days in all. Don't forget that two or three days here are longer than in Paris and tell me about Paris, your days, your work, the evening hour, your thoughts before sleep. I'm waiting for you and I love you and I kiss you without measure, my love.”

- Albert Camus to Maria Casarès, Correspondance, September 10-11, 1949 [#89]

#albert camus #camus #absurd #absurdism #maria casares #correspondance #love letters #love #sun #solitude #earth #silent #silence #sleep #desire #smile

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therapy-talk · 3 years

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So I have a dissertation deadline tomorrow that I already delayed by a week and I have my birthday dinner on saturday that I need to plan for

But I'm tired and sad and sick. Got tested for covid this morning just to be sure and I've been crying the entire day so far. Got back into bed instead of doing things I need to do because my mom was like "ok. This isn't working and you don't feel well. Go take a nap." But like I don't have time to take a nap even if there's no way I'll hit 3500 words by tomorrow.

At this point is it bad if I secretly hope I have covid so I can blow off my birthday and just wallow instead? I have no idea how I'm gonna manage entertaining my friends for an evening when I've been crying and feeling shitty this entire week.

I should email my supervisor and be like "this isn't happening I have no clue what I'm doing here." I feel like shit. I know this isn't helping. I just want to fucking disappear and stop being a burden or a pity case. I want my friends to give a shit but they don't even realize how bad I've been feeling these past weeks because I don't show or tell them, I'm just being fun at parties and dinners and skype calls. I feel like clawing my eyes out or developing an addiction again or smashing glass idk how to stop feeling like a shell.

#there's this. i genuinely thought i was doing better!#i really really thought maybe I could be okay again. maybe i could be casually social and maybe i could be happy and maybe i could just #stop trying to fix my family and stop taking their shit personally. that maybe i could handle multiple things at once #that i could do 2 master degrees and smile when people are like 'you're doing 2 degrees? wow! ambitious! how great!'#and be like 'it's good actually i love both these subjects and i'm working for the university now so maybe that could be a future career #that maybe i could stop my brain being so self deprecating and that maybe i was becoming less anxious #but idk everything feels like it's fogged over. like it's fake and behind glass and i'm just floating #not feeling everything except that maybe if i open my eyes and people around me open theirs we'll all realize i'm not worth it!#and then we'll all move on because i'm not gonna get comfort out of anything or anyone anyways. that's fine. like no use in telling them #they can't fix this anyways.#therapy talks #and then my uni friends Do feel real and good and i love them i have fun with them but just. they don't knkw my brain #and the shit at home #and they don't need to #i don't even know what that's supposed to mean i truly truly feel like i'm losing it

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goldeneyedgirl · 4 years

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JaliceWeek2020 Bonus Day

JaliceWeek2020 Bonus Day: Quarantine

Also Untitled We’ll Worry About That Later

Notes: Under 3k, woohoo! This barely fits the prompt, but I’ve decided to go rogue. The real question now is... can I get another one posted today?

The phone rings at 11:27 p.m. on a Tuesday night.

It’s not Carlisle’s night on call, but everyone is being a bit more flexible at the moment. He expects a summons, that the hospital is short-handed again. It’s to be expected once Forks got its own outbreak - of the fifteen people hospitalised, eight of them were doctors or nurses.

Edward hits a sour note as he overhears the the phone call, trying to temper his reaction so not to signal that anything is wrong.

Carlisle is utterly professional during the call, but when he hangs up, he is left with the hideous duty of walking upstairs and telling his youngest - and oldest - son that one Mary-Alice Brandon has just been placed on a respirator.

—

They’ve put the infected in the old wing of Forks Hospital, where they can be properly quarantined. There’s no blood in the wing yet, and so Carlisle sees no risk allowing Jasper in to see Alice through the window; it’s the closest anyone can get to these patients.

And Jasper was not doing well. Telling him had been so much worse than Carlisle had ever envisaged. Esme was still repairing the damage to his study, and Jasper had gotten himself worked up, his terror at a point where he was infecting the rest of the family - Edward was almost permanently camped out at Bella’s, unable to tolerate another second of that bone-deep fear that Jasper pushing out.

But the second they arrive, and Jasper gets to see her, Carlisle fears that he just made things much, much worse.

Alice is tiny in the hospital bed, pale as the sheets tucked around her. The respirator is strapped to her face, obscuring most of her features. Tubes and wires run out of both her arms, the machines surrounding her beeping routinely. She’s completely unconscious, the dark circles under her eyes the only spot of colour on her entire face.

The whole scene is devastating, and Carlisle is quite sure that he’s watching his son’s heart break into a million pieces as he stares at his human mate, slowly dying alone, not a single person allowed to hold her hand.

Carlisle is not cruel, and hasn’t told Jasper the full details of Alice’s prognosis, but Jasper is no fool. Alice was already so fragile, with existing health issues, and she’s just so very, very sick.

“Jasper…” Carlisle begins in a low voice, reaching out to put his hand on his shoulder, but Jasper jerks away, storming out of the hospital in such a rage that Carlisle’s just relieved the door stays on its hinges as his son disappears into the night.

—

He is furious. He is rage. He has never, ever been so angry in his entire life. He wants to destroy, to fucking decimate something because it never, ever should have been her.

He thinks of going to the Brandon house, and crushing her selfish father into pulp. To bestow upon Alice’s father, who could not resist his trips to his mistress in Seattle, the slow, lingering death he passed on to his eldest daughter.

But he doesn’t. The man is sick - the whole family is sick, though not nearly bad enough to require hospitalisation, that particular honour had been given solely to Alice - but he tries to comfort himself with the fact that the man is at least suffering.

He steals into Alice’s bedroom, how many times had he climbed into this room and found Alice sitting crosslegged on her bed with her laptop or with her sketchbook, her face lighting up at his appearance. How the fairy lights strung around her bed would be lit, as well as the lamp shaped like a rabbit, and half a dozen novelty lights scattered around the room. It made the room look like magic, like home.

But now, it is cold and still. The bed is unmade, her quilt crumpled on the floor. The lights are off, the hamper is full, and he wants to destroy it all.

He lets himself have one moment, one little weakness, as he picks up the sweater tossed over the back of her desk chair and buries his face in it. It still smells like her, before she got sick - like raspberries and rainwater, her floral shampoo and rose perfume, of a million different little things that made up her human life. It is a comfort, yes, but it is also hurts in a sharp, new way that makes him want to weep. She’s not here, she’s not coming back, not going to walk in and tease him for being ‘weird’, as she wraps her arms around his waist and presses against him.

And he puts the sweater back, swallowing hard against the rising grief. He’s here for a reason. And so he goes hunting.

For her sketchbooks, and her diary, and her little worn out plush rabbit that always sat on her pillow. Her Polaroid camera, her very favourite purple top, and the ‘Alice’ necklace she wore every day, and the little photo-book that she kept by her bed.

It has to be things that won’t be missed, will be easily overlooked, but things that are precious to her, and thus precious to him.

Whatever happens next, he needs to keep them safe for her. Let her know that the things she treasured above everything else won’t end up at a garage sale or a thrift shop, won’t be boxed up and forgotten, won’t be thrown away. No, they’ll either find their way back to her hands, or they’ll be his shrine, his holy objects, for the rest of this cursed existence.

He goes back for the sweater.

—

Her heart stops twice. The first time, Carlisle hears about it second-hand and by the time he gets to her, she’s back.

The second time, people talk. That Dr Cullen was like a monster, forcing that girl back to life without compromise. That he short of reached into her chest and squeezed life back into her heart by hand.

It’s not going to help, the staff whisper. The Brandon girl is going to die, the youngest fatality in the state so far, before she even graduates high school. It would take some kind of miracle for her to come back from this, no matter how long Dr Cullen insists on delaying ‘time of death’.

—

The question needs to be asked, but he can’t form the words because it changes everything. It’s turning reality upside down and inside out. He’s never been good with change, and he was happy like this, for the first time in a long time.

Asking the question admits that he failed her.

He wishes he’d asked her before now, but it was one of those things they never talked about. And not in a tense, unspoken way. He can’t think of any moments with her that weren’t comfortable; love and affection and appreciation dipping and swirling between them.

They were going to be together forever, they both knew that. They were going to go to college and go travelling and get married. But neither of them ever specified if her eyes would be green or if they would be gold, and now he can’t ask her and he doesn’t know what would be worse - letting her go, or having her hate him for it, for the rest of their lives.

Why hadn’t he asked her?

—

Carlisle takes Edward to the hospital, to see if he can get a read on Alice’s thoughts; Edward looks grim and shakes his head minutely - whatever physical state she’s in, her thoughts are nothing decipherable now. There is no awareness of anything around her, and if her organs weren’t slowly failing, maybe they could wait.

They sit in Carlisle’s study, Edward feeling every year of his life, as they discuss Alice.

“Is it wrong that every single day, I’m grateful that it’s not Bella?” Edward says finally. “That the dice was rolled it was Alice, not Bella?”

Carlisle is quick to reassure Edward that anyone would feel the same, and he shouldn’t feel guilty. Except, Jasper overhears that statement and smashes the piano into kindling.

Bella was healthy. Bella probably wouldn’t have needed a hospital, let alone wasted away with broken ribs, and a machine breathing for her.

—

In the end, he doesn’t have to ask.

Carlisle offers.

He accepts and hates himself for it.

—

Mary-Alice Brandon dies at 1:57 a.m. on Saturday morning. Dr Cullen is more restrained this time, following procedure precisely before he calls it.

Alice’s family are still quarantined at home, and Mrs Brandon’s voice is quiet and shaky when Carlisle calls to give her the news. She doesn’t ask any questions, just thanks him and hangs up.

Her daughter died alone, with only a doctor, an intern, and two nurses clad in PPE with her. That’s what Mrs Brandon has to live with.

Carlisle comforts himself that he was with Alice when she died. That he already loves her like a father, and he watched over her as he prepared her for what came next. She wasn’t alone, and she was loved. That she would have felt no pain, no fear.

If this doesn’t work, he hopes that that offers Jasper some kind of peace.

—

The Brandons have Mary-Alice cremated, and interned at the local church as soon as they are allowed out of a quarantine. They have the funeral over the little hole in the ground where they will place the box of ashes; just the Brandons, all pale and solemn, Minister Weber, Angela Weber, Bella and Charlie Swan, and the Cullens.

It’s very short, with Minister Weber praying over the box, and then the box is placed into the hole, a tile with her name and the dates is settled into the dirt, and it’s over. Seventeen years of life, and that’s the final page in the book. There’s no reception, not during the current crisis, with the Brandons still so tired and weak. Cynthia puts a small wreath of daisies over the plaque, and Mr Brandon scowls when the bouquet of pink and yellow roses that Esme bestows upon the grave, from her own garden, is so much finer.

No one lingers in the rain, and Cynthia is quick to comment on how distant and cold Jasper Hale was, that he didn’t put any flowers on her grave, even though he claimed to love her.

“Teenage boys, Cece,” Mrs Brandon sighs, as they get in the car. “He’s probably already gotten over her. It was nice of him to come today, with his whole family.”

And then they drive away.

—

The basement of the Cullen house isn’t exactly the ideal place to undergo the transformation, but it is utterly sound proof, and they’ve made it as comfortable as they can. The plan is that, as soon as Alice awakens, Jasper will take her to Alaska for her newborn year - there’s too much risk, staying close to Forks.

Assuming she doesn’t pull him to pieces for changing her in the first place. It was supposed to be Carlisle who changed her, but in the moment, he’d just done it. It seemed like the natural response to seeing his mate in such a state, to lean into her throat and sink his teeth and venom into her whilst the others were fussing around, preparing for something so simple.

Everyone had been shocked he had the control, the self-restraint, to do such a thing but he didn’t bother to explain. He had done what needed to be done, and her wrath would be his to bear alone.

The sickness left her wasted and weak, and it is the quietest, stillest transformation he has ever been witness to. He sits with her, holding her hand like he wasn’t able to do in the hospital, watching as her body is healed from illness, from pain, from every little imperfection. She’s going to be lovely, of course, but in truth she’s no more or less beautiful to him after the venom than she was before.

She whimpers and cries and moves around a little, but mostly she is still.

Carlisle checks on him regularly, assuring him that she’s doing fine. Esme checks on him, and reassures him he made the right choice. Rosalie checks on him and tells him she’ll totally support Alice if she decides to dismember him for the next decade. Emmett checks on him and promises that he’ll keep Alice under control for the next year if Rosalie’s prediction is true.

Edward does not check on him, and instead plays his new piano loudly, still the indignant victim of the original’s destruction, agitated that this sudden change of plans has inconvenienced his own plans with Bella.

One day.

Two days.

She doesn’t wake up on the third day, and whilst he starts pacing, Carlisle tries to be reassuring. A longer transformation means nothing, not when her body was so completely damaged from illness. It’s going to be fine.

It’s the middle of the fourth day when her heart is racing, and there’s nothing left for the venom to do; Esme and Rose have washed and dressed her in a clean dress, brushed her hair out of her eyes, and now it’s just waiting.

Waiting for that moment when her heart

just

stops.

And she opens her eyes.

—

The first thing Alice is aware of is love. Adoration. It’s wrapped around her, warm and sweet, and so when she opens her eyes, she is already smiling. No one could do anything less, not when they are so certain of their worth.

Everything is quite strange, sharp, and clear, like a veil has been lifted over her eyes. She can’t quite remember what came before this little bed, this room, - was she sick? - but it doesn’t really seem that important. She’s looking around for something… no, someone.

He’s crouched about four feet away, golden eyes fixed on her with a look of clear desperation. He looks like he’s holding his breath, like he’s waiting for something.

Jasper. Her Jasper. A million little thoughts, memories, erupt in her mind - laughter, stolen kisses, plans and hopes and dreams, and that feeling of perfect love that she’s still wrapped up in, only she’s not sure if that’s her love for him or his love for her. She decides that it doesn’t matter.

“Jasper?” her voice sounds a little different to her own ears. She thinks about getting up, and suddenly she is standing, only a foot away from him.

“Alice,” his voice practically caresses her name, and he straightens up, towering over her (still?). “How are you feeling? Do you remember what hap-”

Before he can finish his sentence, her arms are around him, and she’s clinging to him like she’ll never let go.

“You did it, you did it. I was so, so worried you’d change your mind or be chivalrous or something ridiculous,” she babbles into his shirt, and he gently pulls back to look at her eyes (perfectly red, framed in black eyelashes, and oh, he’s falling in love all over again).

“I never asked you if you wanted this,” he says hoarsely, smoothing her hair from her face.

Her laugh is like … delight, the bubbles in champagne, perfect happiness.

“Oh, Jas,” she smiles at him. “There was never any question to ask.”

(He kisses her then, not like high school sweethearts; he kisses her like she’s his beautiful, perfect, newborn mate and he’s not even a little bit sure how she’s managing to tolerate the burn her throat and the thirst this long because the only reason they don’t put her little cot to another use is because Carlisle comes down to check on them, his relief like a cool spring breeze when he sees the smile on Alice’s face and the matching one on Jasper’s.)

—

They leave Forks two weeks after she dies and rises again, with a smile on her face. They leave hand-in-hand, vanishing into the forest towards Alaska. A year there, and then as much time as she needs to maintain control around humans.

And then… they have so many plans. She wants to go to college, study fashion or maybe painting or maybe photography… and they want to go travelling, to all those places on the list in her diary. She wants to help Esme restore a house, and have Rosalie teach her to drive. She wants to meet every single one of their friends, and he can’t wait to introduce her to Peter and Charlotte.

And he wants to marry her, in a white dress, with a preacher. He wants to watch her marvel at the Northern Lights, and create havoc at Milan Fashion Week, and dance with her to the old records in his study. He wants to make sure that there is never a single moment, a single thought, where she ever regrets what she lost. Anything she wants, he’ll bring it to her.

She looks up him, sensing his worry, and lifts his hand to her lips.

“It’s okay, Jas. It’s all going to be amazing,” she murmurs to him, leaning against him as they walk. “You don’t have to worry - we’ve got all the time in the world.”

They leave Forks at 11:28 p.m on a Tuesday, hand-in-hand, and neither of them looks back.

#jaliceweek20 #alice cullen #jasper hale #Alice/Jasper #jalice #guess which twit posted this to the wrong blog #my fic: untitled quarantine

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feeling-uncomfy · 4 years

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Eyyy finally I got it finished! Happy fic number 1! I'll have the other ready as soon as I can, and it probably won't be as long but I do hope you enjoy it anyways!

This one is soft because the boys need a break—

There is an eating disorder and minor self harm is mentioned, so be warned! Other than that it's all fluff!

Aziawa woke to the sounds of Iida and Bakugo yelling. Guess breakfast was being made. Aziawa rolled over and was met face-to-face with a ball of white. Aziawa huffed and pushed Koda's bunny off his bed and it scampered off, no doubt running for Mina or Ochako.

Aziawa stood and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He looked down at his phone. "Saturday, huh? Finally." Aziawa was sure the students shared the sentiment. He walked out, putting on a shirt and getting into the elevator. The voices grew louder as the door opened.

"Bakugo that's not how you cook that! You're supposed to—" Iida yelled, and was cut off by a pastry getting flung into his face. "Shut the fuck up! They're better than whatever you made, so sit down glasses!" Bakugo shoved Iida onto a stool and started cooking.

Aziawa said nothing and checked the time. "It's half five in the morning." He informed the students. The pair jumped and looked over at their teacher. "Do I even want to know what you're both doing up?" He asked. Iida stood straight and bowed slightly at the hip. "Apologises for waking you, sir!"

Bakugo scoffed. "We only did it 'cause birdie's gonna be gone for the day." Aziawa blinked. "Tokoyami?" Bakugo nodded. "He said Hawks wanted to do some extra training so he's leaving for the day." Aziawa's eye twitched. "That would be the third Saturday this month he's missed."

Bakugo nodded. "Also, he's been tired as fuck. I don't like it." He grumbled, putting pancakes onto a plate. Iida nodded. "Its true that we've been a lot more busy lately, but I've hardly seen Tokoyami the past few weeks outside of class." He said, looking at the plate as it was slowly filled.

Aziawa rubbed his eyes again. "What makes things worse is that, according to Hawks it's not the training that's doing this." Aziawa mumbled. Iida looked up, his worry evident. Bakugo scoffed. "Then what the fuck is his problem?" Aziawa shrugged. Iida opened his mouth to speak, but the elevator opening stopped him.

Tokoyami walked out— well, more like dragged himself out, yawning. He looked wrecked, and Aziawa could tell there were heavy bags under his students eyes. Tokoyami didnt even realise they were there until he quite literally walked into the back of Aziawa. His head snapped up, and he froze.

"Oh, um..." Tokoyami looked at the trio. "Apologises sir." He mumbled, walking around him. Tokoyami was sure no one would be awake. No one was ever awake this early in the morning. Tokoyami assured himself that it was fine, he'd just grab his water and go—

"Birdie, where're you going?" Bakugo snapped. Tokoyami looked up, confused. "I told you, Hawks wants to get extra training in–" Bakugo cut him off. "Yeah and the earliest train to Kushu leaves in three hours." Tokoyami looked at the counter, avoiding everyone's eyes.

Aziawa sighed. "At least eat something before you go." Tokoyami shook his head. If he ate anything he'd be sick. "I ate a little while ago." A lie. "I'll eat once I arrive in Kushu." Another lie. Tokoyami moved past them and walked towards the door quickly. "Where are you going?" Bakugo asked again. Tokoyami didnt answer.

"Tokoyami–" Aziawa called, but he was gone. Bakugo scoffed again and turned away. Iida blinked. Tokoyami left in a hurry, practically bolting around the back of the building. "Alright..." Tokoyami called Dark Shadow to his side.

"Fumi, I dont know about this..." Dark Shadow said this everytime they did this. Tokoyami never listened. "Dark Shadow, I have to do this." The quirk shook its head. "But you know that the school has a training regime for this! You don't have to get me to do this every morning." Tokoyami didnt look convinced.

"Dark Shadow, just do it." And thus, for the next two hours, Dark Shadow sent Tokoyami flying into the walls, trees, and anything solid. "Fumi, this isn't how you build endurance, this is just hurting yourself!" Dark Shadow called after half an hour.

Tokoyami lay on the ground, panting and in pain. "Again." He said through gritted teeth. Dark Shadow sighed, and Tokoyami ran towards him. Growing in size, Dark Shadow swung and Tokoyami gasped, getting hit in the chest. He smacked into a tree and flopped uselessly onto the ground. He panted, knowing he's going to be black and blue later on.

It was worth it. He couldn't afford to fall behind simply because he was weak.

"Let's go. Hawks will be expecting us soon." Tokoyami begrudgingly stopped the self-tourture and made his way to Kushu. His leg was in agony, and he walked towards the agency with a slight limp. As expected, Hawks greeted him with a warm grin.

"Tsukuyomi! How's my favourite intern?" Hawks exclaimed, wings stretching out. Tokoyami sighed. "Sir, I'm your only intern." Hawks laughed and clamped a hand onto Tokoyami's shoulder. "You got me there!" Tokoyami could only focus on the pain the touch brought, and hissed in pain, drawing back.

Hawks's demeanour changed. "What's wrong? You hurt?" Hawks checked him over. Tokoyami shook his head. "No, I'm quite healthy." He lied, trying to avoid eye contact subtlety. Hawks saw straight through the lie. "You sure? It's okay if you wanna skip out today—"

Tokoyami interrupted quickly. "No, sir! I'll be fine, you dont have to do anything like that." Hawks didnt like or understand why his intern was being so adamant about training lately, but he didnt comment on it any further. "Let's go then. We've got a patrol and then we can spend an hour training." Hawks said, leading his intern inside.

Tokoyami was ready, and the pair left. Dark Shadow seemed restless, and was actively searching for something that wasnt there. Hawks spotted a robbery, and the pair flew down. The criminals panicked and a fight broke out. Hawks could immediately tell that Tokoyami had gotten slower, his reactions were delayed and his movements sluggish. His intern was tired.

Hawks easily blocked a blow as one of the criminals got in close. Hawks was shoved aside, and Tokoyami was hit full force with a bright green powder. "Tsukuyomi!" Hawks called, restraining the criminal quickly. Tokoyami was bent over, scrubbing his eyes. "Kid, you okay?" Hawks asked softly. Tokoyami shook his head, then nodded.

He stood. "I'm fine, just a little–" Tokoyami cut himself off with a yawn. Hawks looked at the criminals. "What was that?" He demanded. The criminal in question shook with laughter. The other answered for her. "Its just a chemical our boss's been working on. None of your business, obviously." Hawks sighed, getting irritated.

"What the fuck was it?!" The criminals winced. "It was just a... I dont know, a thing! It'll wear off. Hopefully." Hawks ran a hand through his hair. "I asked what it was, not whether it would wear off or not." He said. The first criminal spoke again. "It's none of you business." He repeated, angry now.

Hawks was angry too. "Tell me what it was!" He spat, just as the police showed up. Hawks left unwillingly. Tokoyami swayed on his feet, feeling unsteady and hungry. He was fine two minutes ago, he couldn't understand what was—

"Tsukuyomi! Careful!" Hawks grabbed his arm and Tokoyami almost fell over. "M'sorry." He mumbled. God, his head was pounding. Hawks looked at him, concerned. "You wanna go back to the agency?" Hawks asked softly. Tokoyami blinked, and his eyes didn't open back up for a moment.

"Please." Hawks nodded and steered them in the direction of home. Once they got there, Tokoyami was practically asleep on Hawks. "Come on bud, nearly there." Tokoyami was sat on the couch. He immediately slumped forward onto Hawks's shoulder. Getting worried, Hawks tapped his interns beak. "Kiddo, you okay?"

Tokoyami had passed out on him.

Hawks sighed, and moved him so he was lying on the couch. Tokoyami looked peaceful for the first time all month. Hawks turned and went to grab a pillow and blanket. Hawks found himself yawning as he walked back. Tokoyami had moved, curled up in a fetal position taking up as little room as he could.

Hawks smiled and picked him up gently, wrapping the blanket around him. Tokoyami shivered slightly at the change, but fell quiet again. Hawks sat next to him and watched him for a little while, content. Even though it was a drug caused this, Hawks was happy that his intern was finally getting som rest.

His phone buzzed. Ahh, Endeavor found out. Hawks told him what was happening, and about Tokoyami getting a face full of green shit. "He should be fine. The criminals seem..." Endeavor trailed off, searching for the right words.

"They're dumb." Hawks laughed at Endeavors blunt words. "Yes, laugh while you can. They claimed these were going to be mass produced once their leader escaped custody." Hawks blinked. "What? We already caught their boss? Nice." Endeavor sighed. "Hawks, be serious here."

"Yeah, yeah. Listen, this looks like a job for number one. And as number two, I'm not doing shit." Hawks grinned as Endeavor snapped at him. "Gotta go!" Hawks pressed the hang up button.

"Hawks—"

Endeavor scowled at his phone as Hawks pocketed his. Hawks turned towards the kitchen when—

Tokoyami walked past him. He looked absolutely dead. He coughed as he reached for a tissue. Hawks sighed. "What am I gonna do with you? Come on, baby bird. Back on the couch." Tokoyami looked at Hawks, eyes unfocused. When he didnt respond, Hawks got slightly worried. "Kid?"

Tokoyami walked past him again, towards the gym. Hawks followed, curious. Tokoyami let the blanket wrapped around him fall and walked towards the weights. Hawks stared in partial amazement and concern as Tokoyami started exercising.

"Kid? Hey, wait a second—" Hawks had to quickly catch his intern, who could barely hold the weights up. "Kid, I'm all for training hard to be a hero, but this is..." Tokoyami didnt stop, pushing himself even though all he felt was pain. "This is excessive. You need to stop." Hawks used a few feathers to lift the weight and held the kids upper arm.

As soon as it was gone, Tokoyami fell forward. He was tired and sore, but that wasnt an excuse. But he didnt think he could move anymore even of he tried. Hawks knew that, too, and picked him up. "Jesus kid, have you gotten lighter?"

Hawks felt like Aziawa. He felt like a father, and he hated it. He just wanted his kid to take care of himself, for god's sake, was that so hard? Hawks sighed when Tokoyami tried to stand up again, but stopped when he saw him reaching for the blanket he'd abandoned on the floor.

Hawks picked it up and wrapped it around Tokoyami, who instantly curled into it without complaint. Hawks left him on the couch, and went to the kitchen. Could he call Aziawa? Nah, he'd yell at Hawks. Endeavor? Shitty parent, plus he was angry. That left....

"This should be fun, huh, baby bird?" Hawks said softly, hanging up the phone and settling next to Tokoyami again. Tokoyami sniffed. "I'm fine, really." His voice had become scratchy, and it sounded like it hurt to say. Tokoyami swallowed, and it felt like he was eating gravel.

Hawks nodded, not buying a word of it. "Sure. And Aziawa isnt tired right now." He probably was, anyways. "Why're you pushing yourself so much, anyway? It's not like you to be this self-destructive." Tokoyami's head snapped up, and he winced. "I'm not being self—" He dissolved into a coughing fit before he could choke the words out.

Hawks patted his kids back. "Hey, hey, baby bird, relax, breathe for me." He spoke softly, and the coughing stopped after a minute. Tokoyami took in a large breath, and Hawks was worried he'd choke again. When he didnt, Tokoyami tried again. "I'm not being self-destructive." Hawks nodded again. "Uh-huh." He said sarcastically. "Then what do you call training until you cant stand straight?"

Tokoyami paused, not being able to think of an answer. "That's what I thought." Hawks leaned back. "I'm not mad." Hawks lied, reassuring Tokoyami slightly. "I'm just worried. As your mentor and as your older bird bro. This isnt healthy." Tokoyami nodded numbly. He knew it wasnt, but that couldn't stop him.

Hawks was angry, not necessarily because his intern was training so hard, it was the fact that he seemed to be neglecting other aspects as well. According to Aziawa, Tokoyami had been doing better in classes, which would be good. If Tokoyami had been taking care of himself as well. Not once had Aziawa seen the kid eat or drink much in the past three weeks.

It seemed he had stopped sleeping, too. One of the other kids came to Aziawa about it, Hawks couldn't remember who, but they had seen Tokoyami outside at the crack of dawn almost every day before class. Hawks couldn't understand why Tokoyami hadn't stuck with the training regime he had laid out for him.

Tokoyami looked at him. He mumbled something. "Hmm? What was that?" Hawks leans forward. Tokoyami jumped slightly. He was silent for a minute. "You are mad. You're making that face again." Hawks stopped. "What face?!" Tokoyami glanced over at him.

"You always do this thing when your angry, it's hard to miss." Tokoyami explained. "You bite your tongue inbetween your front teeth and one eyebrow goes higher than the other." Tokoyami pointed at his face, though he couldn't show him. Hawks was amazed. He forgot he did that.

"Huh. How perceptive." Hawks laughed slightly. Tokoyami didnt answer. "Yeah, I'm a little angry." Hawks admitted. When he saw Tokoyami's face fall out of the corner of his eye, he was quick to explain. "I'm not angry at you, its just that— well, a friend is supposed to be here right now, and—" Hawks was cut off.

"So I'm taking up your time? Forgive me, I didnt mean to—" Tokoyami stood up shakily. Now both birds were talking over each other, mixing up everything. Hawks was louder, and his voice rang clear. "No! No, your not taking up anytime, sit down!" He gently pushed Tokoyami back onto the couch.

There was the sound of the door banging open, and Hawks sighed in relief. Help was here. "Sorry it took so long. Traffic was absolutely shit. Got some medicine though." Miruko came in, sitting on the coffee table. "Jesus, you dont look so good chick, what's up?" Her voice became soft. Tokoyami shrugged as Miruko ran a hand over his feathers.

Hawks relaxed. "That's why I called you. To help." Miruko nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Hey chicken, let's ditch the hawk and go get some food." She stood up and Tokoyami looked uncertainly over at Hawks. "Miruko, no. I dont think thats a good idea." Hawks said, glancing at the shopping bags. Miruko rolled her eyes and scooped Tokoyami up easily.

She seems to understand then. She blinked down at the kid, and then at Hawks. "Birdie, hate to be a helicopter parent here, but..." She sat down, Tokoyami still in her arm. Hawks tuned them out, and took out a thermometer. He looked up, and Miruko was poking Tokoyami's beak. "You gotta take care of yourself, or you'll fall apart, got it?"

Tokoyami nodded. He felt like he was being babied. He hated it. Yeah, sure, he hadn't eaten a lot, or slept, but he was fine. He didnt need Miruko to look at him like he was made of glass, or Hawks to worry over him like he was helpless. He wasnt helpless.

Tokoyami moved away. Miruko held an arm out, and Hawks tried to get him to sit back down. "I'm fine." Tokoyami walked away. Hawks stared after him. Tokoyami walked down the hallway before turning a corner and breaking into a run. This was a mistake. He was going to get sick. Where was the bathroom? It was all blurring together.

He got to a door and walked in. Thank god he chose the right door. Doubling over, he emptied his guts into the toilet. "This is so unfair..." He groaned, before ducking his head into the basin again. His stomach was empty, what was he puking?! The lights were so bright, they hurt his eyes.

He slumped uselessly against the rim, feeling drained. From what? Puking? He really was weak. His eyes slipped shut, and Tokoyami felt sleep tug in the back of his mind. He shook himself and tried to get up. The world span and Tokoyami fell, smaking onto the tile harshly. There was a loud bang, which he hoped wasnt something important. His eyes fell closed again, and the world faded out.

Hawks and Miruko were talking. "I don't like it. You sure this was intentional?" Hawks nodded. "There's no way he accidentally forget to feed himself." Miruko let down a forced laugh, and nodded. "Speaking of, where is he? It's been a few minutes—" There was a crash from down the hall. Hawks stood up quickly and took off, Miruko was right behind him. "Oh shit..." Miruko saw Tokoyami passed out on the floor.

Hawks knelt beside him. "Baby bird? You okay?" Tokoyami let out a puff of air, but didnt react. Hawks sighed. "Fucking hell, kid..." Hawks picked him up. Miruko led them back to the main office. Hawks went for the elevator. "Grab the bags." Miruko nodded, and in no time they were up on the top floor.

Hawks put Tokoyami into his room, knowing the couch wasnt as comfortable. Miruko checked his temperature. "That's a high number Hawks, I'm really starting to hate this." Hawks nodded along. "He should learn a lesson from this, but I'll beat self-care into him if I have too." Miruko cracked a laugh at that.

They ended up ordering food, making sure to order extra for Tokoyami. Hawks went in every once in a while to make sure nothing bad had happened. Other than a small fever dream, Tokoyami slept peacefully. Miruko and Hawks settled, when Aziawa called.

"Care to tell me why my student hasn't returned yet? Can't he go one day without you doing something stupid?" Aziawa snapped over the line. Hawks explained what happened over the day. "I honestly cannot say I'm surprised." Aziawa sighed. "Though I will have to scold him about poor health management." Miruko joined in, swallowing her food. "No need, we already beat him up."

Aziawa rolled his eyes over the line. "Whatever. I'm his teacher, I should have been able to prevent this." Hawks nodded along, his feathers sensing movement. "You keep Eraserhead busy." Hawks whispered, and disappeared down the hall. Hawks's bedroom door was open, and Tokoyami had rolled over, staring at the ceiling.

He looked like shit. "Hey baby bird, you doing okay?" Hawks approached carefully. Tokoyami looked over at him and sat up. He looked ready to cry. Hawks sat on the bed, wings splayed around them both, shielding them. "What's up?" Hawks asked quietly.

Tokoyami shook his head, and tears gathered in the corner of his eyes. He felt tired and sick, and suddenly the tears wouldn't stop. Panicking, Hawks threw his arms around his kid, embracing him tightly. Tokoyami gripped Hawks's jacket, burying his face into Hawks shoulder. His entire frame shook and he tried not to make any noise.

Hawks rubbed his back softly. "Its okay, you're okay. I'm here." Hawks wasnt sure what caused this, but he was concerned to say the least. Tokoyami hiccuped and studdered out apologises. "Why are you sorry? You didnt do anything wrong, baby bird." Tokoyami shook his head. "M'didn't mean t'make you worry, just wante' t'be better..." Hawks looked down at his kid. "Oh, kiddo..." It made sense now. It still made his blood boil, but it made sense.

"Baby bird, this isnt how you get stronger, okay? This is how you hurt yourself." Hawks said gently, and Tokoyami nodded, apologising again. Hawks hushed him. Tokoyami stilled after a while, breathing returning to normal. "You feeling better?" Tokoyami shrugged. Hawks laughed softly.

"You wanna try eating?" Tokoyami looked up. No, he didnt. But it would be rude to deny something offered to him. Tokoyami nodded, and Hawks brought him in. Miruko gave them a knowing grin and turned back to the phone. "He's here, Eraser! You can beat him up now."

Tokoyami froze. "Mr. Aziawa...?" The phone was passed to him. "Tokoyami." Aziawa began. "You should already be aware of this, but—"

The phone was snatched out of Aziawa's hands. "Fucking bird! I'll kill you!" Bakugo was running as he yelled. "We heard what happened from Earphones, and when you get back, I'm gonna fucking—"

Iida came into view. "Bakugo, behave yourself!" Tokoyami sighed. "Thank you Iida-" Iida glared at the phone. "Tokoyami, as class president, I'll have to scold you too." Tokoyami let his head fall back as Iida started yelling. Hawks snickered and Miruko laughed loudly.

"Iida, Bakugo! Get back here— Yayorozu I've already told you, you and Shouji cant leave! No, I dont wanna hear it— Bakugo Kasuki!" Aziawa was screaming over the line.

Hawks covered Tokoyami's ears as Aziawa let out a spew of curse words. Miruko laughed again, and added her hands. Aziawa came into view again and stared at the three. He shook his head. "Tokoyami lives with Bakugo. He's heard much worse, I assure you."

Hawks gasped dramatically. "My intern? My Fumikage listening to curse words? Never!" Tokoyami couldn't help the laugh that escaped him, and his shoulders shook. Hawks gasped again, but it was genuine. "Did I just get my dark and edgy intern to laugh?" Hawks looked up at Miruko, amazed. Miruko grinned wide.

Tokoyami laughed louder at the sight of Hawks's face. Miruko joined in, and Aziawa decided fuck it, and let them laugh. He could give out shit later. The laughter didnt die down until Tokoyami started coughing his lungs up. Hawks steadied him while Aziawa spoke.

"It seems you're already aware of the absolute hell that awaits you when you get back." Tokoyami winced and nodded. Aziawa continued. "However, I will be asking you to start taking care of yourself. I know how this sounds, but you shouldn't prioritize an 'A' over your health. Yes, you should try do well, but I'm not asking for you to ignore your needs to do that."

Aziawa sighed. "I apologise if we made you think that your grades were more important." At this, Tokoyami's head snapped up. "Sir, you didnt make me— this isn't your fault!" Tokoyami couldn't grasp the concept. Nothing about this was Mr. Aziawa's doing. Aziawa raised a brow, but didnt comment. "Now, as punishment for refusing to preform self-care, you wont be participating in training next week." Tokoyami nodded.

"Instead," Aziawa explained. "You and a few others I have caught will be resting in the dorms during this time. I expect you to catch up on all the sleep you missed, and you're to eat regularly." Tokoyami nodded, confused. "As in if you dont eat, it'll be shoved down your throat." Tokoyami gulped and his grip on his shirt tightened. He didnt enjoy the image of having food shoved down his throat.

"We'll make sure he does! And we'll get the others that havent been taking care of themselves too!" Mina yelled from offscreen. Hawks snorted and Aziawa sighed. "Well, that's all from me. Get some sleep, you can come back tomorrow." Tokoyami nodded. "Thank you, sir." Aziawa looked at him.

"Anytime, problem-child." Aziawa hung up. Hawks leaned back. "Well, that went okay." He commented. Miruko shrugged, and Tokoyami fell back against the couch. Miruko took some chicken out of the takeout bag and presented it to Tokoyami. "Eat up, chick. This'll help make the pain go away." It wouldn't, they all knew. But it was a start.

Tokoyami chewed slowly, almost afraid to swallow. He didnt want to puke again. Hawks encouraged him, and Tokoyami swallowed. Immediately, he doubled over, having something in his system for the first time all month was a lot more painful than he thought it would be. Hawks patted his back as he heaved.

"Easy, easy, baby bird. You can do it. Try again for me, okay?" Tokoyami shook his head. Miruko bent low. "Come on chick, you can do it." Tokoyami took it slow, and ate some more. He didnt keep it all down, but eventually something stayed in his stomach. Hawks wrapped an arm around him. The three ended up watching a movie together.

Around halfway through, Miruko brought out ice-cream, and Tokoyami found that to be a lot easier to eat, as it was kind of melted. Tokoyami managed to keep it down, and he conked out at the most important scene of the movie. Hawks was disgusted, but Miruko slapped him before he could wake Tokoyami up.

Hawks used his feathers to clean up, and he and Miruko fell asleep on the couch two hours later, Tokoyami wedged in the middle. Endeavor stopped by, and saw them sleeping peacefully. He scoffed at first, but decided against waking them up. He left the paperwork and disappeared.

The next morning, Hawks woke up to Tokoyami's spot abandoned. "Baby bird? Where'd you go?" Hawks stood up, Miruko shifted, but didnt wake. Hawks heard something from the bathroom. Hawks walked in to find Tokoyami, puking up last nights meal.

"Baby bird? Why didnt you wake me up?" Hawks sat next to him and rubbed his back. Tokoyami finished, and fell slack against Hawks. "Didn't wanna..." Tokoyami sighed, eyes closing. "How much did you sleep?" Tokoyami didnt answer. "Fumika— oh." Hawks stared down at the sleeping teen. So he hadn't slept much, then. Hawks sat there for a moment, before moving and picking Tokoyami up.

He left Tokoyami in his room, and Tokoyami grabbed his sleeve. Hawks sat down again, and Tokoyami drifted off. Hawks scrolled through his phone, when Aziawa called again. "What's up?" Hawks asked, holding the phone to his ear. "I said bring him back tomorrow, does that mean nothing to you?!" Hawks blinked.

"What?" Aziawa sighed, angry. "Hawks it's almost three o'clock in the afternoon. I called you at ten last night." Hawks suddenly laughed. "Sorry, kids still sleeping. I'll bring him over in a while." Aziawa huffed, but hung up. Hawk sighed and dropped the phone as Tokoyami shifted against him.

Hawks ran a hand through his kids feathers. "You are gonna be the death of me, baby bird." Tokoyami didnt respond. Hawks looked at the ceiling, smiling.

Hawks couldn't bring himself to care.

Hawks sent Tokoyami on his way, and he got yelled at. A lot. Also he was fed, which was good. He, Midoryia and Shinsou ended up not going to training the next week, dedicating the week to 'self-care'. None of them really wanted to, but it was this or have Iida, Bakugo and the rest of 1A on their asses, so they went with self-care.

Tokoyami drifted off to sleep, a fresh cup of tea drank and his lunch eaten. He gave Dark Shadow skriches, and the shadow purred happily and curled up. Tokoyami looked up at the ceiling and closed his eyes, content and healthy.

These kids need to take care of themselves or I will—

Also I lied this was kinda sad, sorry—

Hope you enjoyed! The next one will be out ass soon as I can get it out, sorry for any delay!

#boku no hero academia #tokoyami #bnha hawks #bnha miruko #there are a solid 26 thousand words here which im proud of xD #buy also this could be longer lmao

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13-reasons-ideas · 4 years

Text

Can’t Go Back Part 8

A/N: I apologize for the delay on this chapter. I had issues writing their second date.

Our ice cream date on Wednesday was great. I didn’t realize Monty could be so… fun. He was kind of a goofball when he wasn’t with his friends. It started with a funny look when I asked for a spoon with my ice cream cone. “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of an ice cream cone?”

“No, it mostly just makes it easier for me to steal bites of yours.” I teased.

“Oh-ho, I see. This date was all a ploy to get extra ice cream.” He smiled. I shrugged and scooped a bite of my chocolate ice cream. I licked it off my spoon and felt a smile spread across my face.

We walked around for a bit, making our way to the docks, where it was less populated. We aren’t hiding. It’s just easier to not have to explain whatever this is for now. Trying to be discreet when we found a place to sit, I leaned over and scooped a sliver off of his cookie dough ice cream off, quickly sticking it in my mouth. He pretended not to notice. I sat against a tree with my legs stretched out in front of me. I leaned on his shoulder while we watched the ducks in the lake. There was a baby duck that was straggling at the back and the mama duck was not having it. Montgomery laughed quietly when mama swam around to the back and seemed to give the duckling that look every mother gives their kids. With him distracted, I snuck another sliver of ice cream. Once again, he pretended not to notice.

My yellow dress had ridden up slightly and my knee was exposed. He placed his hand on it and squeezed absently. Soon after the duckling was given crap by mama duck, they hopped out of the water. They walked in a single file line around the shoreline. “Awe. They’re so cute.” I said more to myself than to anyone.

“They are. Danger Duck seems to have fallen in line.”

“Danger Duck?”

“Yeah. The one at the end.” Awe. He has a soul. I didn’t acknowledge that he named the duck. Instead, I decided to nick another bit of his ice cream and mix it in with a bit of mine. “My ice cream good Addy?”

“Mhmm.” I answered through my mouthful of ice cream. He laughed again. His laugh is so nice. “Very.” I said after finishing my bite. We had both gotten near the end of the cones, and it had begun to melt. I wasn’t sure if our silence was because we were comfortable or if we just hadn’t figured out what to talk about yet. Growing tired of the quiet, I leaned forward to stretch. I felt his eyes on my back and turned my head to peek back at him. He quickly looked away and pretended he wasn’t looking. I shrugged and turned my head back. Soon after, I could feel his eyes on me again. I turned again, catching him watching me. I stuck my tongue out at him and he smiled. His smile is so nice. I wish he did it more.

Finally, the silence was broken when I leaned back again. “How did your English paper go?” he asked.

“It was okay. I read The Book Thief for fun a couple of summers ago. It made it easier to find the literary devices and things, so I didn’t have to hunt through the book again when I was done reading it while I wrote.”

“Did you get the grade you wanted?”

“Yeah. I could have done better but it wasn’t like I did bad or anything. How was your physics test?”

“It was okay. Mr. Brown tests fairly easily though so that isn’t surprising.”

“I cannot explain how glad I am that I don’t need to take physics. I hated the physics unit in science class. I’m much more of a chemistry or biology person.”

“It’s not really that bad. He can at least make it interesting.”

“I guess. I just don’t really have the brain for it. I’m more of a memorizing things person than a mathematic formulas person.”

“Is that why you’re friends with Zach?”

“No. I happen to like Zach. Sure, he can be kind of an ass sometimes, but he’s not bad when you get to know him. And we aren’t best friends or anything, just see each other sometimes outside of school. I don’t tell him things very often. Having a study partner isn’t a bad thing either.”

“That’s fair. Is that why you keep Foley around?”

“Yeah, he’s my best friend. Justin is the person I talk to about things. We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember.”

“You talk to him about everything?” He asked, with a playful wiggle of his brows.

“Depends how it goes. I do stick to basics though. You know, if it was good or not. No specifics.”

“I see. So, you aren’t the virginal queen he makes you seem like. Interesting.”

“No. And I’m not telling you who it was so don’t even bother asking.” He shrugged, as though he would get it out of me eventually.

“Will you talk to him about me?”

“That depends on if I have anything to tell him.”

“You might. How do you feel about movies in the city?” We had begun walking back to our cars by now.

“I don’t do slasher flicks. I think they’re dumb.”

“Not because you’re scared?”

“No. It’s because I can’t justify paying for bad acting like that. If I wanted to watch that bad of acting, I would go on incognito and watch the before sex part of porn.”

“Oh! She’s got jokes too. That’s fair though. If you are scared though, that’s what you have me for. Action?”

“I’m down for that.” I nodded.

“Saturday? Pick you up at four? We can take a drive into the city.”

“Sure. Meet me at the end of my street?”

“You got it Addy. I’ll see you at school.” I nodded and leaned up to kiss him softly.

I arrived home a short time later and found my mom sitting in the kitchen at the desk. “Hey Mom. What are you up to?”

“Just looking at some recipes I can copy onto note cards. I finally decided to go through Nan’s box of cookbooks we brought home from Boston.”

“Sounds fun. Need any help?” I asked, walking towards her and grabbing a pen.

“Sure. You can start with Mastering the Art of French Cooking. You did your homework at the library, right?”

“Yeah. It was mostly just some reading comprehension stuff. What recipes do I do?” I made my way to the island with the large text.

“I tabbed them off. Some will need more than one note card.” I nodded and set to work.

A while later, I had written out five recipes and took a bit of a break to stretch my hand. “While I’m thinking about it, Justin and I are going to a movie in the city on Saturday night.”

“Okay. I’ll let your father know. Maybe we can have a date night or something.”

“You’ll let me know what?” My dad asked, coming downstairs.

“Addison is going to a movie Saturday night.”

“That’s nice.” Was all the response he could muster on the topic. “I’m sure the two of us kids can find something to do for the night.” He said, leaning down to kiss my mom’s temple, lovingly. She beamed up at him like it was the first time she was seeing him. It was really sweet to watch. “You’ll do the dishwasher before bed, right Addison?”

“Yeah.” Satisfied, my dad went to the living room to watch one of his shows. Open concept may look pretty, but it can be distracting.

Once I had called it quits on recipes for the day, I quickly did the dishwasher. I made sure to mark dishwasher packs on the grocery list before I went upstairs to get ready for bed. Upstairs, I checked my phone for the first time since I had gotten home. I saw that I had a few Instagram and Twitter notifications. I cleared those away. I had a couple of texts from Justin and a few from Monty. I opened Justin’s texts first.

Didn’t see you after school. Everything okay? Followed by, Mom is out of it for the night again. just a few minutes ago.

I answered him quickly. Hey sorry, I just checked my phone since getting home. Everything is good. I just had some stuff to do. Are you okay? Do you want to come over?

With that handled until I got a response, I checked the texts from Monty. I got home okay. That’s normal enough. I read the other two quickly. Had a great time today. Followed by How did you lose it by the way?

I rolled my eyes before responding. Sorry. I was helping my mom with some stuff. Glad you got home okay and I had fun too. I assume you know how Monty. I went about my nighttime business while I waited for the boys to respond to me. While I was brushing my teeth, I got a text from Justin. Seth is back. I’ll be over in fifteen.

Window will be open. Unless you want me to let mom and dad know?

Sure. It’ll be easier to come in the front door.

Okay, door will be open. See you in a few. “Mom? Dad?” I called, poking my head out the door.

“Yes?” Dad answered.

“Justin is coming over for the night. His mom isn’t feeling very well and doesn’t want him to get sick.”

“K. Whatever.” I raised my brows and rolled my eyes as I closed my door. I threw on my pyjamas and ran down to unlock the front door. A cup of hot chocolate was then set in the microwave to heat up, along with some leftovers. I knew he probably hadn’t had dinner.

Ten minutes later, Justin knocked on the door and walked in.

“Hey, thanks for letting me come over.” I watched as he placed his gym bag on the floor near the stairs.

“Of course. You know you’re always welcome here.” I watched as he walked over to me in the kitchen. I searched his face to see if Seth had done anything. His face seemed fine and he walked normally. That’s good. The microwave dinged as he got over to me and he jumped a bit. “I put some cocoa in for you. There’s also whatever leftovers we had from today. I wasn’t home for dinner.” He nodded and hugged me. I held him close for a few moments until the microwave beeped again and I heard his stomach rumble. We both laughed quietly. He grabbed his plate and mug and sat at the island.

“You weren’t home today?”

“No. I had stuff to do, like I said Justin. By the way, my parents might ask you about plans on Saturday to go to a movie. Just agree.”

“Um… okay.”

“Enough about me. What’s going on with you and Hannah Baker?”

“I don’t know. She’s pretty cute.”

“Do you like her?” I asked, cheekily.

“Maybe. She seems nice.”

“Okay.” I left it at that.

“Why do you need me to agree with your parents about plans Saturday, Addy?”

“I just have some stuff to take care of Justin. Don’t worry. Nothing really major.”

“Uh-huh.” He didn’t seem to believe me but didn’t press on. I think he was just tired.

“Ready for bed?” He nodded and placed his dishes in the sink.

We made our way upstairs to get him ready for bed for the night again. His varsity jacket was hung on my door rack and his bag was placed beside my desk. “Did you want me to take the floor tonight or did you want to sleep together?” i asked, as I ushered him into my bathroom.

“Together? It’s been kind of a long day.”

“Of course.” While he got ready for bed, I grabbed his pillow from my closet and switched it out with the one on my bed. I was doing a touch of reading for English when he climbed into bed beside me. He curled up beside me, almost immediately falling asleep, and I kissed his head softly. “Good night Justin.” I whispered into the darkness.

The next morning, I was able to rope Justin into helping me pick an outfit. We settled on a pair of black leggings and a longer red tank top, paired with a light grey cardigan and black flats. Downstairs, we made a quick breakfast of cereal and toast. “Hello Justin.” My dad greeted from his seat.

“Morning Brooks.”

“Morning dad.”

“Morning.” He half grunted to me. Justin glanced at me and I shrugged.

“Good morning Justin. How is your mum feeling?” Mom asked.

“Morning Margot. She’s feeling okay now, I think. Probably another stomach thing.”

Mom eyed me, knowing it wasn’t a stomach bug. I grimaced in response. “Well I hope she feels better soon.”

“Me too Margot. Me too.” He muttered. Surprisingly, they didn’t ask him about our “plans” Saturday. I suppose it wasn’t that surprising though, as I had never really given them a reason not to trust me before.

I drove us to school and we walked to his locker together. “I’m just saying. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to you know, talk to her. She is totally into you.”

“I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“Really? You’re Justin freaking Foley. You can just say words and she will fall at your feet. She’s already seen you shirtless.”

“That was different.”

“Right, right. Different.” At his locker, he was once again beckoned by Bryce.

“I swung by your place this morning to see if you wanted a ride. Didn’t look like you were home.” I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, I was out last night. It’s fine.” Bryce’s eyes went back and forth between the two of us.

“You smell like strawberries.” Monty added. I tried to hide my blush and bit back a giggle.

“Do I?” He sniffed himself. “You said it wouldn’t be that strong Addy.”

“Yeah, it’s not. If you use a normal amount. You used more shampoo than I do. I wasn’t going to say anything about it though.” He made a face and I caught Monty’s eye. I smiled politely back at him, trying to keep appearances and all. “I’m sure you could ask Jeff for some of whatever makes him smell like that.” The group of boys looked at me with slightly wide eyes. “You want to deny that he smells good?” A few shrugs and head shakes were the answer. I turned when I heard him laughing with Clay and Leah. “Speak of the saintly devil. Hey Jeff Atkins.”

“Addison Hawthorne, what can I do for you today?”

“Justin smells like girl and apparently that’s a bad thing now.”

“It is when I smell like you.”

“Hey. I smell nice you jerk.”

“I know you do. But I don’t want to smell like you.”

“Ah. You need body spray. Come to my locker and I’ve got you. You coming, Addison?” He’s the only person who uses my full name and doesn’t sound like I’m in trouble. Maybe Monty will sound nice using it.

“Yeah. I’m headed that way for French anyway.” He nodded and the five of us made our way to his locker, Monty’s eyes boring into me as we went.

I was sitting in the library working on some homework during my free period, listening to a playlist on Spotify, when I was interrupted by someone dropping their bag on the table. “Jesus Christ.” I exclaimed. I looked up as my- my what exactly? -Monty sat in the chair across from me. “Oh, it’s just you.” Mystery solved; I went back to my homework.

“Sorry.” He mumbled as he leaned back. He appeared to be making himself comfortable.

“We are at school you know.”

“I noticed that, yeah.”

“People might notice you’re sitting with me.”

“We share classes. You’re friends with someone on the football team. Not going to cause that much of a stir.”

“Alright. Since you’re here and we share classes, did you finish the chemistry assignment?”

“Yeah. Need to copy some answers? Am I rubbing off on you already?”

“No, I just want to make sure I did question seven right.” I heard him hum and then dig around in his bag, looking for his assignment. “Is your bag also where things go to die?”

“Maybe.”

“Is that a boy thing?”

“Definitely. Here you go.” I compared the answers we had and the work we did. Seeing that it looked right, I nodded.

“Did you actually want something or are you just here to look pretty?” I asked after a while of him sitting and watching me.

“Why does Justin smell like you?”

“He spent the night last night and needed to shower this morning. We ran out of his regular soap and I haven’t had a chance to go to the store to replace it.”

“Why?”

“Why did he stay over? Or why does he have no more soap?”

“Both.”

“His mom was sick, and she didn’t want him to catch anything. He has no more soap because he didn’t tell me he was out until he was going to shower this morning.”

“He has soap at your house?”

“Yeah. He showers at my place when he spends the night and doesn’t always want to smell like, and I quote, ‘girly soap with frilly names’.” He hummed in response. It didn’t seem like he was too impressed with my explanation. Oh well. Before he could voice his displeasure, the bell rang. “I’ll see you tomorrow Monty.” I muttered as I gathered my things and walked away, leaving him to brood by himself.

Saturday came around and we had a fantastic time on our movie date. He gave me some playful crap about my movie snack choice. We drove around for a bit afterwards, just listening to the radio and enjoying each other’s company. He had his hand placed on my thigh, as though it was made to fit in his grip. It felt like the natural place for it to sit. We didn’t really want to call it a night just yet. But we also didn’t know what to talk about. Our superficial conversations flowed easily. The issue came when we had deeper things to talk about. It felt like to go any deeper, we had to define what we were first. That didn’t seem like the kind of conversation to have after a movie date, at this time of night. It was past ten when he dropped me off. I crept into the house quietly. My dad was sitting in the living room watching tv. He didn’t even acknowledge that I had gotten in. I didn’t really care anymore, since I was used to him paying little to no mind to me.

Upstairs, I changed into my cat pyjama bottoms and an old t-shirt. I was ready for bed shortly after. I cracked my window open some to let in some fresh air and spent some time scrolling through Instagram under my blankets. I liked some of my friends’ posts and commented on others. I lost track of time when I started watching videos and was brought back to reality when I heard what sounded like my name being called quietly outside. Thinking it was Justin coming over unexpectedly, I stood up and opened my window all the way. I motioned for him to climb the ‘decorative’ ladder I had my parents install. It does fit the house better than lattice. I was startled once again, when Monty poked his head up in my window. “Monty? What are you doing here?”

“Hey. I couldn’t sleep. Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure. You’re up here now.” He nodded and I watched as he climbed and then fell through my window, extremely ungracefully. The accompanying thud did little to make the situation better. “Fuck Monty. Make some more noise why don’t you? I don’t think the people in Tibet heard you.” I glanced at my door and waited a minute. When no knock came, I let out a breath.

“Sorry. I’m sure I could knock a thing or two off the shelves while I’m here though. Oh, by the way, you should really look before inviting people in through your window. I could have been an axe murderer.”

“Please don’t. I thought you were Justin. He comes over unannounced sometimes.”

“Still.” He sat on my bed and took in his surroundings, now that I had turned on my lamp. “Cute room. Very much what I pictured.” I sat next to him and tried to put myself in his place as I looked around. I examined the cream walls. The black and white furniture. The books piled on my desk neatly. The fresh lilacs on my dresser between pictures of my friends and me. My jewelry holders in the corner of my dresser. The mirror on my closet door. He’s not wrong. It’s what I would have pictured too.

“Not that I’m upset about seeing you again, but what are you doing here Monty?”

“Told you. I couldn’t sleep. I needed to see you.”

“Alright. Uh… were you planning on staying or…?”

“I could stay if you want. Or I can go in a while. It’s your room.”

“If you stay, you have to be gone out the window in the morning.”

“That sounds doable.” He leaned back and made himself comfortable. Okay then. I mean, not opposed to him sleeping in my bed, but it’s a little early for that. I shrugged and crawled in beside him. I felt him pull me closer into his side and rolled over to face him.

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a cuddler.”

“What can I say, I’m full of surprises.”

“Clearly. The first one was that I make you nervous.” I giggled.

“And why is that surprising?” he smirked back at me.

“Because you don’t seem like the type to get nervous around girls. And don’t say you weren’t nervous.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Bull. But whatever helps you sleep at night.” I smiled. “Are you going to sleep in your jeans?”

“Do you want me to take my jeans off?” he asked, smirking slightly.

“It just seems like it would be uncomfortable to spend the whole night in jeans, is all. Don’t be getting any ideas, you.”

“I said nothing.” He laughed. I smiled and rolled my eyes at him.

“You thought it. I know you did.”

He shrugged. “Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. No rule that says I can’t think that about my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” I squeaked. We hadn’t defined what we were. I wasn’t expecting this conversation to happen for a while yet, if at all.

“Yeah. Did you think I just ask anyone on dates?”

“I mean, I guess not…?”

“I don’t.”

“Okay.” I nodded, before resting my head on his broad chest. After a few beats of silence, I spoke up. “Hey Monty?”

“Yeah Addy?”

“Can… would it… could we keep this between us for now?”

He paused for a minute, “yeah. If that’s what you want, then we can keep it quiet for now.”

“It’s just that I don’t want to deal with people’s opinions or anything, you know?”

“By people’s, do you mean your friends?”

“And other people. You know how the kids we go to school with can be.”

“That’s true. They’ll run with this.”

“Yup.” It was quiet for a time again, while we just listened to each other’s breathing. “Monty?” I whispered.

“Yes?” he whispered back.

“Good night.”

“Good night. I’ll wake you before I leave in the morning.” I kissed his chest softly before drifting off to sleep.

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lia-jones · 4 years

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Growing Stronger- Chapter Thirty-One - So Close, Yet So Far

Victor was a patient man.

True, he was known for being tyrannical, unapproachable, brazen, even cold-hearted, (which he was not, for that matter) but he was also patient. Today, however, his patience was being tested to its very limit.

Andrea was late. Ten minutes late, to be exact. They were meeting the wedding planner; they had a schedule to follow. He felt like getting up, waltzing into that room and simply taking his fiancée with him, declaring as he walked away that a Saturday is no day to hold a meeting.

But he was a patient man, and he told her he understood the stress she was in due to the haste of publishing content before the German team, so he would keep his word. And so he shifted on his seat, taking a deep breath to diminish his discomfort, trying not to count the minutes as they passed by.

Victor understood the importance of work and of being industrious. He had dedicated countless hours of his life raising his company to the top, stopping time so the day would have more than twenty-four hours, but what Andrea was doing bordered on ridiculous. Andrea technically lived with him, but it was like he was living alone again, except that now he had an additional worry. She was always on that laptop of hers, studying, analyzing, replying to e-mails, and it was practically impossible to have any kind of conversation with her, because her mind was always far away, buried in books and data, mentally organizing the topics of her study.

Fifteen minutes late. Victor’s fingers tapped on the steering wheel.

Andrea would barely have any meals with him, saying that she would eat something later, which she would never do, if Victor didn’t eventually bring her a snack so she wouldn’t work on an empty stomach. They didn’t even sleep together anymore, let alone have any kind of intimacy, and rare was the night that Victor didn’t have to scoop her slumbering form from that chair and take her to their bedroom, because her body had simply shut down with exhaustion. And now this. Meetings on a Saturday. The only days she had to relax and take care of other matters, like their wedding, and still she would be pulled to meetings and skype conferences, or she would need to review someone else’s work because, as she put it, in the end it would be her name on that study. Her reputation. And although it was difficult, Victor understood. He was a patient man.

Twenty minutes late. Victor’s leg jumped furiously.

What Victor didn’t understand was how she got herself buried so deep in the first place. He was a businessman himself, he has his duties to fulfill, yet he always found the time for her. Why couldn’t she find time for him? If she wanted to be a good leader, she would have to learn to delegate, to not take all the work for herself, or else all of it would have a tremendous negative impact on her health. No, this wasn’t just because he felt dejected for Andrea not making the time for him. He was worried about her, she would get herself sick if she kept continuing this way.

Twenty-five minutes late. Victor’s jaw clenched. That’s it. He was done being patient. He was going in. He would drag her out if need be.

The front passenger door flew open, and a very flustered and tired Andrea came in.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She rambled the apology. “I tried to get out of there as soon as I could, but they kept asking questions, I couldn’t just leave.”

“What questions can they possibly have that can’t wait till Monday?” Victor’s cringed internally at his own tone, that came icier than he intended.

“I’m sorry.” Andrea touched his shoulder softly. “I’m here, now. I’m all yours.”

“I could’ve gone by myself, you know.” Victor complained. “I have met with the planner five times already without you, because you were too busy. He’s probably wondering if my fiancée is imaginary. He keeps asking for you.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Andrea replied, with a sad low voice. Victor’s heart panged. But he had to tell her.

“This is not just my wedding, it’s our wedding, Andrea. I know a lot is being demanded of you now, but you have to make time for this. This is our important day, you have to be more involved in it. Not just me, we.”

“I’m sorry, you have been more than understanding, and I’m so grateful for that. I have been under a lot of stress, but from this moment on, I’m yours. I’m yours for the weekend, no more work, I promise.”

“I’ll take you up on that promise.” Victor let himself relax. “We have some other business to take care of.” He raised an eyebrow, smiling suggestively.

“Oh, that business.” She ran a hand over his chest. “Yeah, it’s been a while.” She made a face.

“Too long, if you ask me.” Victor agreed. “But it’s alright, I am a patient man. And we have all weekend.”

“Yes, we do.” She gave him a mischievous smile, making his heart sing with joy. She was back.

He wished he didn’t have to bring up the next subject, but it was better to deal with all of it at once, and then just enjoy the time they had left.

“I spoke to my father today.” He revealed.

Andrea jumped back slightly.

“You called him about the wedding?” Andrea’s eyes grew bigger. “Finally, Victor! I mean, he’s a piece of work, but he’s still your father.”

“I knew you were going to say that.” Victor scoffed. “No, I didn’t call him, he came over to visit. He said he approves of the wedding, and wants to pay for the whole thing himself. He even wants to throw a New Year’s party to celebrate our engagement. I refused.”

“Wait, what?” Andrea shook her head. “No, Victor, why?”

“You know why.” Victor frowned. “Why are you taking his side on this? I thought I had your support!”

“I’m not taking sides!” Andrea raised her hands defensively. “If anything, I’m taking the i-do-not-want-to-aggravate-my-fiancé side! I always have your back, you know that.”

Victor scoffed. Andrea leaned her face against his arm, kissing the fabric of his suit jacket.

“I know you have your reasons, ok? But the guy is actually making an effort, trying to reconnect with you. He knows he did some very harmful things, but he’s trying to make up for lost time.” He kept his eyes on the road, but he could feel her watching him closely. “I know you don’t trust him, but can you at least try to give him the benefit of the doubt? He’s your father, Victor. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a good relationship with him?”

“We can’t attend his party anyway, we are going to Portugal for the holidays, remember?” Andrea’s family was important to her, so it was a very solid excuse. Besides, he would much rather spend time with her family than with his own.

“We were there two months ago; we can delay our next visit. This is more important.”

Victor took a deep breath. It was no use arguing with her. She had a good relationship with her family, understandably she would want the same for him. If it was that important to her, he could give it a try.

“Fine.” He whined, making her smile wider. “We have more important matters to discuss. We still haven’t found a venue for the wedding. And it’s four months away.”

“Do you have anything in mind?” She asked, leaning her head again on his shoulder.

“My aunt offered her farm, I forgot to tell you.” Victor felt happy that they finally could discuss these matters in peace. “It has plenty of room, a beautiful garden, we could actually use the horses for the entrance. There’s the view to the lake, the willow tree you love. My aunt is actually wanting to do some work in the garden, and I think she can’t afford it, so maybe I could help her with that and use the wedding as an excuse. Maybe redecorate the main room, it’s large enough to hold the banquet. And we would have the ceremony outside, in the garden.”

“Mhm.”

“I know, it doesn’t have much meaning to us as you’d like, we were there for only an afternoon. But it does have meaning to me, most of my happiest moments were spent there, except the ones I live with you. I emailed the blueprints to the planner, to see what he thinks, but I care more about what my future wife thinks.”

Victor kept his eyes on the road, waiting for a reply. Andrea kept silent, however.

“So? What are your thoughts on the matter?” Victor looked at his fiancée.

Andrea was in no condition to think at all, as she was sleeping soundly against his shoulder, completely deaf to his words. Victor sighed, feeling abandoned once again. At least she was sleeping.

It didn’t take them long to arrive at the wedding planner’s studio. Victor took his seatbelt and shifted his position a little, letting the slumbering girl slide onto his lap. He watched her sleep, softly stroking her golden curls, not wanting to wake her at all. Surprisingly, this was the closest he felt to her in weeks.

The wedding planner was foreign, and no one really knew where he was from, which added to his mystery, although Victor suspected it was somewhere in Eastern Europe. His accent was thick, his English was surprisingly poor, but he was very good at his job.

“Ah, the beautiful fiancy!” He greeted Andrea with one kiss in each cheek, and was about to do the same with Victor. Victor avoided him gracefully. “Will make a beautiful breed. Do you have dress?”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Meer.” Andrea pushed away discreetly. “No, I’m still unsure of what I want.”

“Please, just Benny. Did you see breedal magazynes I sent through Vicky?”

Andrea was too busy stifling a laugh to answer. The planner didn’t seem to notice, and showed them a table with several folders with cutouts and samples, and asked them to sit.

“I saw pictures and scheme.” Bernard started. “Beautiful place. Horses are must. Carriage for breed, broom in horse. After party, release the doofs and happy couple in carriage, to the sunset. I’ll show my pictures.”

Andrea seemed confused.

“Breed is bride. Broom is groom. Doofs are doves.” Victor whispered to Andrea, discreetly.

“Oh my.” She chuckled.

Victor glared at her, silently telling her to behave.

“This is table I imagined. Very roostic yet elegant. Pastel couleurs. Golden and vite plates. Golden utonsils.”

“Excuse me, tonsils?” Andrea was confused once again.

“Yes, fucks and knives.”

Andrea stifled another laugh. Victor squeezed her leg under the table.

“Flowers, beautiful pastel. Roses, orchids or penises. You like penises, no?”

“Peonies!” Victor hurried to correct.

“Yes! Penises!” The planner shouted with excitement. “Baby penises everywhere! White penises, rose penises, even red penises. I can also find blue penises, but those are harder!”

At this point Andrea was completely desperate, her hands still covering her mouth, her shoulders shaking, her eyes watering.

And Victor’s blood boiling.

“Awww, breed is emotional. You cry because it’s beautiful, no?”

“Yes.” Her voice was a high pitched croak. Victor decided to take matters into his own hands, before the planner noticed and took offense.

“Come here, honey.” Victor leaned Andrea’s face on his chest. “Just let it all out.”

Andrea did bury her face hard into his shirt, finally able to release some of her… tension. Luckily, it looked like she was crying, only Victor knew she was lost in laughter. After a moment, she was able to control herself, and Victor let her go, not before he shot her a scolding look.

“I’m sorry. I get too emotional sometimes. I just can’t believe I’m marrying Vicky!” Her voice was strained on that last part, laughter wanting to erupt again.

“Sure! I used to it already! Now, let’s discuss caca. You know what kind of caca you want? Round caca? Maybe tall caca, many levels of caca? Cupcacas are also in fashion.”

“Oh, cake.” It dawned on Victor what Bernard really meant. And then he noticed Andrea covering her mouth again, her eyes red with the effort of holding laughter. She wouldn’t be able to hold it for much longer. She looked like she was about to burst.

“Excuse me.” Victor took his phone, pretending to read a text. “There has been an issue at the company, we will need to reschedule this for another time.” He took Andrea by the arm, and they both got up, leaving in a hurry.

“I’ll see you soon!” The planner shouted from inside his studio. “We still have to talk about the photoshit!”

“Pffffffft!” Victor heard from his fiancée.

“Get in the car now!” He gritted between his teeth.

In the privacy of his vehicle, Andrea just let it all out, laughing out loud for quite some time. When she spoke again, she was still chuckling, her eyes dropping tears.

“Oh my God! I thought I was going to explode! How am I supposed to work with this man?”

Victor didn’t laugh though. He was fuming, feeling his ears hot with rage.

“I’m disappointed, quite frankly. Never in a million years would I imagine you would be so childish.” He replied coldly, eyes on the road, feeling he was the one that was about to explode.

“Childish? Victor, he was screaming baby penises! The blue penises are harder!” Andrea started laughing again. “How could I not laugh? Why were you not laughing?”

“Because I’m an adult, and I have the decency not to mock people for their speech impediments.” Victor retorted.

“Ok, you have to agree this is more than a speech impediment. Besides, you should’ve told me he would be like this! At least I would be prepared!” Andrea was smiling, like the whole situation was just a big joke. He wasn’t finding it funny at all.

“I should have told you?” Victor felt the bad blood rising along with the tone of his voice. “When? When do I ever have the time to talk to you anymore? Tell me, Andrea, where do I possibly fit in your very busy schedule?”

“You’re being unfair…” Andrea’s face dropped.

“Am I really? We were supposed to meet him this morning. Your team called and asked for a meeting. Fine. I rescheduled for the afternoon.” Victor tried hard to keep his tone less aggressive, but was finding it very hard to do. “You show up almost 30 minutes late. Fine. This is the most exclusive wedding planner in the country, maybe the entire planet. You have absolutely no idea how hard it was to convince him to work for us, but I did it, because I will take nothing but the very best for you. All you had to do was to sit with us and plan our wedding, supposedly the most important day in our life as a couple. But no, you couldn’t even do that!”

There was a pause.

“Well, I don’t seem to be able to do anything right these days, am I?” Andrea’s voice was pained.

The question hit Victor hard, and his heart tightened with guilt.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, you are right. I have been difficult. This was important, and I screwed it up. I’m sorry.” Andrea looked at Victor with earnest eyes. Suddenly, all rage was gone. She was trying hard.

“You have been under a lot of stress lately, working incessantly.” He downplayed it. “You are allowed to have a silly moment. And yes, I should’ve warned you. We’ll go home, sit and decide what we want, and the next meeting you won’t even have to come along, I’ll go prepared.”

“I’ll try to go with you next time. And I promise I won’t laugh.”

Victor exhaled heavily, the tension of an upcoming find gone. Fortunately.

“I’m sorry for my outburst. I miss you, is all.” He gazed at her lovingly.

“Well, let’s use this weekend to make up for lost time.”

Victor’s hand left the steering wheel to hold hers. It was no use feeling angry for something so small, when his love was so immense. He would have her that day and the following day, and shower her with love. That was all he wanted, and that was all that mattered.

He should’ve guessed his joy would be shortlived. The moment she stepped foot in the apartment, her phone rang.

“I’m so sorry, there’s something wrong at the faculty, the team needs me there.” Andrea explained. “It’s a short thing, it won’t be long until you have me in your arms again.”

Victor knew very well that was a lie, even if Andrea didn’t. An hour turned into two, three, four, and Victor had dinner alone, reading the several apologetic texts from her. He went to bed, taking with him a glass of brandy and his laptop. He could use a distraction from his indignation. Might as well do some research for the wedding.

Andrea entered the room carefully, eyeing his reaction.

“I’m sorry it took me so long.” She apologized. “How was your evening?”

“Fine.” He answered shortly, annoyed.

“What are you doing?” She tried again, sitting next to him.

“Busy. Wedding research.” Victor knew it was childish to play hard to get, but he wasn’t going to give in easily either.

With a loud sigh, Andrea got up and disappeared into the walking closet. Victor sighed as well. He didn’t want to argue, he didn’t like being upset with her. But he just couldn’t turn it around.

Andrea came out of the closet, standing in front of him, waiting for him to look at her. He looked up, noticing she was wearing his favorite lingerie, the satin burgundy one with lace, that made her breasts look just perfect and went impeccably with her creamy skin tone. Victor looked back at his computer, pretending he didn’t notice and his heart wasn’t pounding hard on his chest. She took the laptop away, closing it and putting it on the nightstand.

“I was using that.” He complained.

“I noticed.” She spoke with her bedroom voice, making something stir inside him. Without any ceremony, she straddled him, taking his face between her hands, looking him softly in the eyes. Victor swallowed hard. “I know that I was gone for longer than expected, and you have every reason to be mad. But I am here now, and we still have a whole day… And a whole night.” She kissed the nape of his neck, causing Victor to take a deep breath. “So… what do you want to do? Do you want to spend some quality time with me?” She kissed him shortly on the lips. “Or do you want to keep looking at flower arrangements?” She kissed him again, this time teasing his top lip with her tongue.

Victor stared into her dark eyes, lost in lust.

“I think you know what I want.” He pulled her for a hungry kiss.

Yes, he could play hard to get. But who was he fooling? She had him the moment she walked in.

#Growing Pains - Series #growingstronger #victor x oc #victor mlqc #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc fanfic #mister love queens choice #love and producer

6 notes · View notes

pru-sama · 5 years

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The Stars Between Us [ATEEZ Neighbors AU; Chapter 5]

Pairing: Ateez x Reader [you’ll see in the future ;)]

Words count: 2386

Warnings: no one!

A/n: sorry for the delay :( As I said before this new year wasn’t the best for me, and I have a really, really bad two months. but I’m better now and being sick this week give me a lot of ideas for nest chapters and this one special. I hope you love it!

The night was clear, no clouds around, the dark blue of the sky in perfect contrast with the lights of the stars. It was a night without moon, perfect too see the galaxy were you lived. When you thought about it you felt so little in that comparation, looking the dark sky across your window from your spot on the bed. It was four a.m. and you were suffering insomnia. You hated it, you wanted too sleep even if it was Saturday. And the worst part you didn’t know why you had insomnia, sometimes it was because of stress or anxiety, but in that moment you were perfectly fine. You passed the exams with good grades, so why? You didn’t know.

You were sitting on the bed with the blanket wrapped around your body looking at the window. You could only see a few stars, but you knew the rest of constellations that were there, and you imagination did the best so you could see the galaxy that was invisible in front of your eyes. It was perfect, but time was passing so slowly.

After maybe half an hour you decide to go to the balcony, oh that “famous” balcony. You were in your pijamas and with a blanket around your body, maybe it wasn’t enough to fight the cold night of Seoul, but you were fine. You thought that fresh air would help you. You looked again at the sky, que you did it you could see how immense it was. If you didn’t give the attention it need you wouldn’t notice, but looking at its you feel so small, like an ant in the middle of nowhere. And you were always fascinated by that mystical feeling.

With that little scape to your balcony in the middle of the night, you felt in peace again.

“Oh what a beautiful night, of course it’s a good idea to go outside in that low temperature” you said ironically while walking to university. You were sick, pace wasn’t the only thing you got last night but a Flue. And you were angry with yourself. “Stupid middle of the night me” you said again before sneeze. You felt so sick but you had to go to class. Because saying to the guys to rest and and don’t force themselves doesn’t apply to you. And there you were, dying in the way to your first class of the day. It was going to be a fucking long day.

During the different classes you felt more and more sick, and everyone notice, maybe not your professors. But your classmates and friends did, telling you to comeback home and rest, that they would pass you their notes so you didn’t have to worry about the lost classes. At first you didn’t want, but finally they convinced you and take your way comeback home.

Oh godness you did it, because when you arrived to your building you were so weak. And of course the elevator had to be out of service. Great.

You started to go upstairs, slowly, you were so tired. You just wanted to arrive your home, fall on the bed and sleep until the next morning. Or month. Or next chapter. That was a lot of time. When you were almost in your floor you sat on the stairs, breathing deep to get more oxygen in your lungs.

“Only to more steps…” You said slowly trying to give strength to yourself. The whole place were silent, so you could hear perfectly how someone said your name, and you look up to see San at the door of their apartment. His voice sounded confused when he called you, but when he saw you like that he run to you.

“Oh my- are you ok?” He bended by your said, with worry in his eyes. He put his hand in your forehead, and his eyes open so big that it would scare someone. “You are burning” he exclaimed.

“I’m ok…" You lied, and he denied.

"No, you are not. Oh my god, here, let me help you”

You weren’t sure how he helped you to stay on your feet again, and you didn’t mind. He passed your arm by his shoulders and his by your waist. His touch was so gentle, like he wasn’t you to broke into pieces in his arms. “Come on, let’s go slowly to your bed, hm?” His voice was also soft. He was like a prince, and he was treating you like a princess as well. Even if you were sick as fuck with only a few details you felt well.

You open the door with your keys, and you did no more then. San took them from you and put them away, closed the door and slowly he helped you to arrive your bedroom. Taking care of you he helped you to sat on the bed.

“Thanks” you said, and a little smile appeared on the boy’s lips.

“It’s nothing… Ah, you should change to your pajamas….” He said slowly, a little afraid of his own words. But you didn’t notice, only nodded at his words. “Then I leave you to change them, I will be at the other side of the door if you need me, call me when you finish.” He said, caring you hair with his hand before leave.

You looked at him in his way out. Oh, to be cared by Choi San. He was so good man, like, oh my god, his future girlfriend or boyfriend would by so lucky. You smiled at that and then started to put out your clothes.

San was nervous, he cared a lot for his friends, but you were a bit special. You were… You. Yeah, that maybe didn’t say anything but for him that was a lot. He wanted to see you smile brightly, not sick in the bed. And he would help you to be fine again. He didn’t have to work that day, it was a relax day and was alone at the boy’s apartment, so he could be with you without problem.

He snapped from his thoughts when he heard you calling his name, opening de door and peaking to see if it was fine to enter before doing it. He crossed the room to be at your side again and help you to lay in your bed. He covered you with your blankets and make sure you weren’t cold.

“Are you ok? Do you need anything?”

Why was he so gentle? You may fell in love with him if he continued like that. He was the perfect description for ‘Boyfriend material’.

“Yes… I’m fine… Thank you, Sannie” since a pair of months you started to call him in that cute way, you decided that the day that you said it without notice it until you saw how brightly his smile was. Like it was at that moment despite being worried.

“It’s nothing… Ah, you should eat a warm soup… But now rest, ok? Sannie will do it?” San’s smile got bigger with his own words, but yo open your eyes in surprise.

“You don’t have to… I’m-”

“Shhhh” he interrupted you, putting his finger in your lips. You were tense and nervous because of that contact.“ I don’t have but I want to. Now just rest, hm?” You couldn’t say no, with that smile, that look in his eyes and that he kept his finger in your lips until you nodded it was impossible.

You felt your soul leave your body when you were alone again in your room after he left. Omg, San was so much powerful while being so cute and gentle, couldn’t all people being like that? You almost had a heart attack because he poser only one finger in your lips. His power.

You were having a discussion with yourself about what just happened, but at the other side of the wall San was nervous, shocked with himself and was giggling. He had to take a deep breath to calm himself, it was difficult and take a few minutes. He should center, you were sick and you needed his help, and he was going to make sure you had everything you needed to have a perfect recovery.

San went to your kitchen to see the food you had, you had almost everything except a few things. So he took your keys and went out to the nearest seven eleven to take the rest of the food. He also buy a few more things that could be good to eat in your state and that you would love it. With that he started to make the best lunch you woul ever had in your life.

You woke up because of that delicious smell that reached your nose. You didn’t know when you fell asleep, but you felt a but better. You brushed your eyes sitting in your bed just to see how San peaked his head buy the door. He smiled when he saw you awake, but his voice still soft to don’t disturb your rest.

“How do you feel?” He ask coming next to you, caring your head.

“A bit better…” You said with your sleeping voice, making him giggle a bit.

“Are you hungry?”

“A little”

“Ok, then let’s put in a better position so you can eat the most delicious soup in the world. Don’t tell Seonghwa-hyung” he joked with a wink, making you laught.

You sat better with your back on the wall with the pillow, and San got out of the room for a moment before coming back with a tray in his hands. He sat by your side and left de tray on the bedside table, takin the plate with his hand.

“I-I can eat by myself” you said when you saw how he was gonna feed you, like a litte kid. He didn’t answer but pouted, you felt so weak against that.“ok…” He celebrated when you accepted.

He helped you eat the soup, taking the spoon and blowing it so it wasn’t so hot. Time passed since last time someone cared you like that, but you felt so nice, so especial. You liked it, maybe not everyday, but been like that sometimes would be so nice. Even if you weren’t sick, just… Having someone that cared you.

Everything was fine, but you frown your eyebrows, with a hand in your head. In one second San leave the plate, almost finished, on the tray a posed a hand on your arm. “Are you ok?” He asked, you could see the worry in his face, in his eyes, in his voice.

“Y-yes… It’s… Just my head hurts” you answered, you didn’t want to worry him more, but you couldn’t lie to him.

Slowly he nodded, caring your arm while thinking for a few seconds. “I’ll bring you medicine for your headache and then tray to rest again…” His voice was lower than before, maybe he did to not make your pain worst.

“Fine”… Just a second later san was running out of the room, he didn’t know where you have medicine, so he came back to their home to get it.yo take that moment to lay on the bed again with your head on the pillow. The light was bothering you, but you didn’t feel good enough to stand up and close the curtains. So you closed the eyes and wait.

A few minutes later San entered the room, the medicine in one hand and a glass of water in the other. He sat with you, helping you to get up a but so you coul take the medicine. You made a bad face at the taste of the medicine that made him laugh a bit. “It tastes bad, but will make you feel better” he exit de room to left the rest of the food in the kitchen before returning, leaving the glass on the bedside table “Do you need anything?”

You thought for a bit and denied “no…

”…Do you want me to stay?“

At that question you delay more seconds to answer. You didn’t want to bothering him, but the guys said before that you could tell anything to them, that you never bothered. And, to be honest, you didn’t want to be alone again. "Please”.

Without waiting for more he surrounded the bed and lay next to you. You were so shocked when you felt him hugging you, looking at him in surprise. Yes, he loved hugs and was so affectionate, but you weren’t prepared. You were going to say something, but he hugged you tightly and cared your hair.

“Don’t say anything, just rest and try to sleep” he whispered, and a chill crossed your body. But… It was nice. A little smile appeared in your lips, and you closed your eyes. “Thanks, Sannie” you whispered back, and because you closed your eyes you didn’t see the blush on his checks.

“It’s nothing when it comes to you”

Meanwhile, at the other side of the wall…

“Where’s San-hyung? We don’t wait for him for the dinner?”

The guys where together, in the living room having the dinner, but San wasn’t there.

“I thought he was with you…” Mingi said to Jongho, the first who talked.

“No… I thought he was with Wooyoung-hyung”

“I think he was with Yeosang here”

“Oh, no, I was outside flying my drones…”

“Wait, then… Where’s Sannie?”

The room fell in silence at HongJoong’s question, before the storm started. Everyone was panicking, there where screams -mostly from Wooyoung- everywhere from everyone, except one person.

“Shut up guys! You are going to disturb our neighbors!”

“How cAN yOu BE FinE In This SITUaTiON?” Wooyoung asked Seonghwa in his way.

The older sighed before dropping the bom.

“He’s fine, he was taking care of our lovely lady that is sick and fall sleep together”

Silence. Again. He said so quietly, and like it was nothing. He knew because the to times San came he left two notes; 'Hwa-hyung, she’s sick, I’m going to cock a soup for her so I took a Few things from the fridge’ and 'I took the last medicine too’.

But that silence couldn’t last for ever with Wooyoung there.

“AND WHY I’M NOT THERE,HE DIDN’T TOLD ME, SANNIE BETRAYED ME”

“BE QUIET”.

A/N: did you like it? I wish I had Choi Satan or Angel san caring me this last week -cries- I’ll try to bring next soon. see ya!

–Pru

#ateez #San #choi san #seonghwa #park seonghwa #kim hongjoong #hongjoong #Yunho #jung yunho #yeosang #kang yeosang #mingi #song mingi #wooyoung #jung wooyoung #jongho #choi jongho

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nixmatize · 5 years

Text

Making Room for Someone New (chapter 1)

Read on AO3 || Next Chapter

My contribution to @marigami-week - I plan on writing all the days into one cohesive story, but my work might be delayed a bit due to college. Feedback is much appreciated since this is my first time actually writing something that’s not an assignment in a long time.

Day 1 : Sleepover

Everything hurt. Ladybug was so sick of these akuma battles; even when she and Chat Noir won in the end, the hours of getting slammed into buildings or tossed into cement stuck stubbornly in her bones as phantom aches and pains.

Much as she hated to admit it, they couldn’t keep going like this forever.

Ladybug dropped down into her room and fwumped onto her mattress, too exhausted to do more than mutter, “Spots off.” Tikki zoomed out of her earrings, already chattering away at her chosen, but Marinette closed her eyes and dropped instantly into unconsciousness.

Thankfully, Marinette woke up to a quiet Saturday. Less thankfully, her busy kwami started buzzing over her the moment she cracked her eyes open. “Marinette! I was so worried when you just dropped like that! Are you okay?”

Marinette yawned once, before smiling for her kwami. “I’m okay, Tikki. Thank you for worrying about me.” Her smile slowly slipped off her face. “Though… I don’t know how much longer Chat Noir and I can do this like we are. The akumas and amoks seem to only be getting stronger, much faster than Chat and I are.”

Tikki nodded. “I know. As the guardian now, however, you can choose heroes of your own! Perhaps it’s time to select another holder?”

Although she had known that being the guardian meant she could hand out the miraculous as she chose, Marinette had never really been aware of that fact. There was no Fu to explain her choices to, or to decide whether she could or could not give someone a miraculous. And choosing a permanent holder would be helpful – she could give it to someone that would be able to fight at their side at a moment’s notice, and who she wouldn’t need to take a break from the action to retrieve.

There would be so many benefits to having a third member of the team, and yet… if she chose poorly, another miraculous holder fighting against them could easily be the death knell of Ladybug and Chat Noir. She would need to be smart and careful.

What made the decision even harder was how alone she felt making it. She was the sole guardian of the miracle box now. The only people she could discuss her choices with would be Tikki and Chat, but…

Tikki meant well – she really did! – but her advice often turned out to be more detrimental to Marinette than helpful. And Chat was great, but not the most reliable partner. If she asked him, there was a fifte percent chnce he would insist on equal power in making the decision, which would compromise her abilities as guardian to give the miraculous to who she thought would be the best option, and a fifty percent chance he would be too blasé about the decision.

She shuddered considering the second option – Chat would probably be unbearably fussy about her choosing a male miraculous holder, due to his perception of the “competition for Ladybug’s heart.” And there was always the chance that choosing a female holder would just give Chat another target for his flirting, further distracting all of them from their actual jobs. It would be even worse if he had any power over the decision, as he would likely be a jealous kitty and choose someone she would never crush on, that he could also flirt with. Which, no offense to her partner, would be one of the worst outcomes beside a partner that turned evil.

No, between Tikki’s overly-trustful history of victim blaming and Chat’s immaturity, there was no one else she could go to for reliable help with this issue. Marinette was alone in making this decision.

Marinette dropped off her bed and went to her desk, pulling out a sheet of paper to start jotting down ideas. Alya and Nino? Too unpredictable. And, selfishly, after the whole Lila debacle, she was a bit more reluctant to work with them or trust them. Adrien? Although she liked him and liked the idea of giving him a miraculous, she herself was too much of a loose cannon when he was involved, and it wouldn’t do to have Ladybug any more distracted. Chloé? No. She had been given so many chances, but had not changed anywhere near enough to prove herself worthy of being a permanent hero. Alix? She knew that eventually Alix would make a great holder, but she didn’t have enough of a reason to choose Alix for the rabbit yet.

Kagami? Marinette paused.

Kagami was… a great fighter. Strong. Determined. Willing to do whatever it took to win. Clever in her tactics. In so many ways, Kagami would be a great choice… but despite their (very) new friendship, Marinette just didn’t have enough of a reason to trust her with such a large power yet. But if Marinette could trust her, Kagami could prove an invaluable asset to the team.

Torn, Marinette circled her name a few times in thick lines. Perhaps it was time to stop sitting around thinking, and start acting?

Impulsively, Marinette spun her chair over to where her phone was resting.

M: Hey Kagami

M: I was wondering if you’d want to do a sleepover sometime soon?

M: No pressure though :)

“Marinette,” Tikki gasped, looking at her paper. “You already crossed of Alya and Nino as heroes? But they have the most experience!”

“I know, Tikki, but after all the drama recently… I just don’t know how much I trus them to fight by my side.”

Tikki frowned in disapproval, her little antannae tilting forward despondently. “Marinette. As their friend, you shouldn’t hold such a silly little mistake against them. We both know Lila is a very convincing liar.”

Marinette was so tired of this kind of fight – the ones that go in circles forever without ever really getting anywhere. Tikki would never change her mind, because forgiveness and generosity were just the little bug’s nature. Once, Marinette would even have agreed with her, hava apologized to her kwami and to her classmates. But recently, Marinette was just so tired. She didn’t have the energy to keep saying sorry after everyone else abandoned her without any apology for dismissing her so easily.

“Tikki, I can’t work with them. I won’t. Can we drop this?”

Tikki’s little frown only deepened further. “Marinette, I expect better of you. As Ladybug, it’s your job to reach out to others and spread friendship. Right now, you’re acting more like a moody teen than a good Ladybug.”

“Well maybe that’s because I am a teen! I should be allowed to be a teenager! Maybe… maybe I dodn’t want to be Ladybug all the time!”

When she opened her eyes, there was nobody there. “Tikki? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lose my temper.” But there was no response; just Marinette, talking to herself alone in her bedroom.

She took off the earrings, noticing immediately the liveless sheen of a deactivated mmiraculous. She didn’t think her frustration was enough to temporarily stop the bond again, like it had been that second day, but…

Perhaps it’s for the best, Marinette thought, After all, this would allow both her and Tikki plent of time to cool off so they could come back to the argument calmer and more rationally later. She tucked the earrings back into their special box, and tucked them away in the corner of her room – hidden and protected from any prying eyes, but still close enough to the surface of the collection of fabric scraps that she could quickly retrieve the ladybug miraculous when Hawkmoth struck again.

Just as she was sitting back down, preparing to relax and unwind from the stress of arguing with her kwami (again), a chime came from Marinette’s phone.

K: Yes. Mother says tonight is my least busy night. What time should I come over?

Marinette almost threw her phone in her haste to rush downstairs. At the counter, her maman was boxing up an order for a customer.

“Maman! Can I have Kagami over for a sleepover tonight?”

“You know your friends are always welcome here, dear,” Sabine said as she passed the boxes of pastries over. She turned to smile at her daughter. “I’m glad you’re inviting a friend tonight; the apartment’s been too quiet since Alya’s stopped coming over.”

A touch of pink bloomed in Mariette’s cheeks under her mother’s attention. “Thank you maman! This will be great!”

Marinette’s papa poked his head out of their kitchens. “Did I hear that my little girl was going to be having a sleepover tonight?” He came out into the main area, smiling as he crushed his little girl in a floury hug. “I’ll get started on extra pastries!”

As her dad disappeared into the back, Marinette pressed one last kiss to her maman’s cheek before disappearing back upstairs into her room.

M: Does 19h work for you?

Marinette heard her maman’s voice through the floorboards saying, “her room’s just up that way, dear.”

She took a calming breath. Priority one: determine whether or not Kagami would make a good member of the team. Priority two: make sure her friend had a fun night.

She pressed her nice shirt back into place just as Kagami knocked. “Come in!”

A wide-eyed Kagami entered the room, blinking dazedly at the abundance of pink and various fabrics throughout the space. Marinette noted that Kagami still wore her regular outfit – the stylish white blazer over the tie and plaid skirt – but that now she had a small plain black duffel bag with her, presumably filled with pajamas and toiletries.

“Kagami! Hi!” Marinette did her best to smile and look welcoming to her newest friends, fighting the habit of running up to her and hugging like she would have done with most of her other friends – Kagami seemed very protective of her personal space, after all.

Kagami’s face didn’t twitch into a smile (which perhaps was for the best, given how deeply unsettling her fake smiles could be), but did relax into a more pleasant expression. Seeing how her eyes softened and the corners of her mouth relaxed made Marinette suddenly feel wrong-footed, like she did during the friendship competition. It seemed like being invited to a sleepover mattered a lot more to Kagami than she had expected.

“Marinette. It is a pleasure, as always, to see you. Thank you for the invitation.”

Marinette laughed, stepping back a bit to invite her friend in all the way. “It’s no trouble! Thank you for agreeing on such short notice!”

Kagami set her bag down next to one of the makeshift blanket-beds on the floor, glancing curiously over to the other. “You already have a bed in here – why are there two makeshift beds? Will there be another person coming?” Her voice had an odd note to it that Marinette struggled to decipher.

“No, just you and me. I thought we might sleep closer together though, so we can hang out until we fall asleep? If that’s fine with you, that is! I wasn’’t trying to make you uncomforatble – obviously the bed is for the sole purpose of making you comfortable – but I didn’t mean to presume that you wanted me to-”

“Marinette. The two beds seems like a good idea.” To Marinette’s surprise, Kagami’s mouth had twitched into a small smile at her rambling, one of the first real smiles Marinette had gotten to see from her. It suited her, making her seem lest of the flawless, imposing fencer and more of an awkward yet kind rich kid.

This girl, the one that smiled at Marinette’s rambling and seemed to really enjoy her company, was the type of person Marinette wanted to fight beside. Of course Marinette needed to be very careful who she passed the miraculous out to, but she also needed to trust her instincts – and the longer she spent with Kagami, the more her gut seemed willing to trust the girl.

Marinette’s thought process was cut short as her father stormed upstairs, proudly presenting a tray of fresh assorted baked goods. “Snacks for my little girl’s sleepover!” he called, descending back downstairs.

Kagami wandered over to look at the offerings, before tentatively taking one croissant. Marinette grabbed one as well.

Marinette cleared her throat awkwardly. “Would you like to watch a movie, then? We could set lay next to each other on the bed to watch, and then climb down here to sleep?”

“That sounds acceptable to me Marinette. You are the one with actual sleepover experience.”

Marinette looked at her in surprise, though Kagami was entirely nonchalant as though she had said nothing strange. “You’ve never had a sleepover at someone’s house?”

“No. Before this year, Mother did not allow me time with ‘friends.’”

Marinette fought valiantly against the urge to crush her in a hug, but in the end it was a losing battle. “May I please hug you?” she asked, wide doe eyes on display.

Once she got a slight nod from Kagami, she leaned in and pressed her into a full hug. Kagami was stiff and unsure at first, but gradually melted into the embrace, tucking herself against Marinette and locking her arms around her just as tightly. They stood like that for a few moments before Marinette gently pulled away. It seemed like Kagami got warm a bit easily, since her face was already pink from just a bit of shared body heat – Marinette made the mental note to reduce the pile of blankets on Kagami’s temporary bed by a sheet or two so that the other girl wouldn’t be uncomfortable or overheat during the night.

Both girls got ready for bed, brushing their teeth, dressing in pajamas, and bringing all of the uneaten pastries downstairs. They both climbed together into Marinette’s loft bed, and she wrapped them up in the Marinette-brand Patent Pending Friendship Burrito, with both of them being side by side in a big fuzzy blanket, with pillows under them to lean against, while Marinette’s tablet played the movie.

As the movie began to play, Marinette looked over at her Friendship Burrito companion. Kagami seemed enraptured with the movie, her wide dark eyes reflecting the screen and giving her whole face the impression of a soft glow, like the moon reflecting light from the sun.

Marinette was glad that she had done this sleepover today. Kagami was generally an intensely private person, so the extra time didn’t really let hear learn anything about her that Marinette didn’t already know – but it was one of the first times in a while she had hung out with Kagami and just Kagami without Adrien or Luka to distract her, and it only reaffirmed her positive impressions of the girl. It was clear that Kagami was a good fighter given her skill in fencing and her prowess when wielding the dragon miraculous. However, if Marinette’s gut instinct was to be believed (and so far it had very, very rarely led her astray), Kagami’s actions today during the sleepover had only cemented her trustworthiness as a potential miraculous holder.

Although still somewhat awkward, Kagami seemed earnest and open to making friends. Furthermore, she didn’t seem like she was the type of person to make trouble for no reason – there has been ample opportunity that night to bring up Adrien if Kagami had wanted to warn her off him or something similar, but Kagami seemed willing to focus on Marinette’s company rather than their shared crush, which Marinette could appreciate.

Yes, all together tonight had been a success – Marinette was fairly confident in her assessment of Kagami as a good miraculous holder and potentially-permanent partner for her and Chat Noir. Now she just needed to decide which miraculous would be a good fit for Kagami, since the dragon would be the clearest choice but Hawkmoth may suspect Kagami as the wielder if that was the one she ended up choosing.

Marinette came out of her thoughts at the sound of a contented exhale next to her. Beside her, Kagami was already asleep, curled into Marinette inside the blanket burrito. Marinette had never seen her face so relaxed and contented, and against all logic, felt her heart swell with the need to protect Kagami: from Marinette’s own past cruelty, from all the other students who so wrongly called her the “ice queen,” and from the mother who had controlled so much of Kagami’s life.

Marinette sneaked one arm out of the blanket to shut off the movie before pulling Kagami closer and letting herself drift off to sleep. Hawkmoth, the miraculouses, Adrien – all of their problems could be dealt with tomorrow morning. For now she was content to enjoy the warmth of Kagami’s presence and let herself drift off to sleep.

#making room for someone new #marigami #kagaminette #marinette dupain cheng #kagami tsuguri #miraculous ladybug #ml #MADwriting #what else am i supposed to tag this?#my first fanfic #i tried

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