#if i do it ill get myself ice cream tomorrow

[hballegro]

ok before I go to bed legally I have to finish this one thing I'm writing. Its been months. I have like at least 5 people that want to read this. I simply Gotta

[dandyshucks]

one of these days i will go to bed at a decent time instead of working on projects until midnight 🧍

[dullahandyke]

life is so good and awesome peace and love on planet earth

[todayisafridaynight]

I hate linking videos for whatever reason but the submission box will only let me embed one so. Guess I'll Die. BUT ANYWAY. You can see what I'm talking about here and here (also hiiiii Nakai, Iura, and Terajima) but I think Jo should have Tsutsumi's nervous tics like rubbing his lip and blinking fast :) I think it would be cute :) moe even :) though he doesn't have much to be nervous about :) but I mean once in a blue moon y'know :) OK that's all bye

[first video]

[second video]

OH BUT WAAAAAIT WAVELENGTH i always did imagine jo having a nervous-blinking type of tendency i am AHEAD of you brother (╯▽╰ )(╯▽╰ )

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[ankhisms]

To quote my coworker: "today is probably going to be the worst day of work we will have in this entire season of work" and boy howdy. Today sucked ass

As a warning ill be mentioning throwing up in this so just skip to the end if u dont want to hear me even mention that 👍

Anyway. Started out the day having to drive THEE WORST truck in the entire park district where i truly think that truck is not safe for anyone to drive and i had a panic attack because of how bad trying to drive it was- not one of the worst panic attacks ive had in my life but it still sucked and set the mood for the day

The thing about today is that okay. Genuinely this was not a case of workers being exploited. Our boss was working right alongside us and working just as hard if not harder than all of us. And he kept asking if we were okay or if we wanted to take a break, kept reminding us to stop to drink water every 5-10 minutes. But we basically worked 6-7 hours non stop today in the 90 degree F heat plus humidity without any shade. And the reason why we had to do this was we planted over a thousand very rare important native prairie plants in our prairie restoration and we have been preparing to plant these for WEEKS and if we did not get all of these plants into the ground and watered properly today they wouldve died and we wouldve wasted thousands of dollars (buying the plants) as well as all of the weeks of hard work we did to prepare for planting. We NEEDED to get it all in or else it wouldve all died.

We were short handed because one of my coworkers unfortunately had a really serious family emergency and so she wasnt able to be in at work today so it was really all hands on deck. However i ended up pushing myself way too hard and because of the medicine i take i overheat easier and am prone to heat exhaustion/heat sickness and so i got overheated and threw up twice- which i almost NEVER throw up and you know something is really wrong with me if i throw up. But my coworkers and boss are all so very kind and worried about me and as soon as i threw up they were like ok rey youre done working for now we will take over you need to go lay down in the truck with the ac blasting and drink water you NEED to rest. And because of that i was able to recover and i mean im still fucking whiped out but i dont have to pass out right now yknow. They were very attentive to me and did not at all make me feel bad they were asking how i was and then when we were done we finally were able to get lunch around 2 and our boss bought us all a shit ton of really good ice cream.

So yeah tldr insane day at work i worked for 6-7 hours straight no break in the 90 degree heat but i did it TO RESTORE OUR BELOVED PRAIRIE. And tomorrow i will be back out there. Planting again but this time in the shade and MUCH less plants

[thestudyinglesbian]

it's my last day of summer guys im gonna cry </3

here's my to-do list for the day:

☆ lay out my clothes for tomorrow

☆ pilates workout

☆ make playlists and a pinterest board for motivation

☆ hair oil

☆ everything shower

☆ pack my bag

☆ sort out my pencil case (i made a post about it)

☆ label my books and hardbacks

☆ sort out my desk (ive been meaning to do this for AGES but i procrastinated) - you'll probably get an update on that too

☆ one last summer walk

☆ one last summer ice cream?

☆ breakfast prep (i never eat breakfast but ill make myself some french toast as a treat)

☆ download apps i need for school

☆ paint my nails (dark red)

☆ pick jewellery for tomorrow

☆ organise shelf for autumn

(im gonna turn the text purple once I've done a task)

[shiiiinnnneee]

september 13th 2023

9/11 happened two days ago, i watched the videos if the second tower getting hit, it made me sad, when i got home i thought about how horrible the world was. i was upset for two days after, my mom told me to stop having an attitude but it wasnt an attitude i couldnt help it, i just want to be alone.

my phone screen is getting worse, i dont know what to do so i think ill just get a new one, with the home button.

i went to work and now my feet really hurt, but i saw him, i wish i didnt like him, he has a girlfriend but i feel like he likes me too. he puts his hands on my waist when he walks past me and calls me sweet names. i love being around him.

i cried in school today, i didnt tell anyone because its not their problem, im good at making myself not cry in front if people but as soon as i am alone i cant stop. my best friend wont stop talking about her being on suicide watch and how she cut herself the other day, it makes me want to slit my wrist in front of her so she will shut up. im starting to dislike her. why does this always happen when i care about someone?? i become obsessed with them until one day i just cant stand them.

i have been think about killing myself in february instead of march, i dont want to be here for much longer, im done seeing.

i had coffee, ice cream, a chocolate thing, some fries and a cup cake today. i wish i didnt eat the fries and cupcake, i hate myself right now. i am going to try to skip dinner tomorrow, i need to lose weight, im four pounds away from one hundred, i can do it. i truly am a junkorexic

[fentrashcat]

Tic Spirals

⚠️this is of course my own experience and each individual with tic disorders will have unique experiences.

Post might be hard to follow due to sleep issues but since this is the first time in a while this has happened I figured I'd write about it. Maybe it'll help?

Idk if there's a different term for this but it's different from a tic attack, but can sometimes trigger attacks.

So as of writing this it's 3am, I'm exhausted, I need to get up for work at 6:30am, and I've been trying to sleep since 1am.

I'm too tired to sleep.

Now this might sound like what you'd say about a fussy toddler, missed nap time and is now too tired to sleep, but for me it means a tic spiral. I tic bc I'm tired, ticcing makes me tired but keeps me awake, I tic more, ect until I crash. Caffeine can also make me tic more, and I had an energy drink so I could function at work today? Yesterday? Earlier. On about 3hrs of sleep already.

So as I'm trying to fall asleep, I keep getting motor tics. Getting annoyed with that stressed me out and started up some verbals. Stop the verbals, get comfy, almost get to sleep, and it starts again. 2 HOURS of this. I know the solution is sleep. I know once I sleep ill be okay. But my tics just will not let me sleep, and I think that's one of the most frustrating things. Being aware and not being able to stop it.

It's like the whole "telling a depressed person just be happy" but instead I'm trying to tell myself "just sleep" even though I know it's not that easy.

I'm probably not sleeping tonight, which will likely lead to a tic attack tomorrow no matter what I do. Hopefully it will happen AFTER work so i don't have to leave early again, but my tics are never that considerate 😅😭

Some more tic spiral examples include-

Anxiety makes me tic, ticcing around people makes me anxious, Anxiety makes me tic -> usually leads to my Bad One tic attacks, only solution is usually home, put on a comfort sound, and take a nap with one of my cats.

Whistle (not perfect) click, whistle (not perfect), whistle (not perfect), whistle (perfect) click, whistle (not perfect) -> luckily this one usually ends itself quickly but if my whistle isn't good enough I have to keep doing it

This was long and rambling but it you read it, thank you. I hope it makes sense. I really want to sleep but even if I am allowed to fall asleep now I will not wake up on time no matter how many alarms I set 😅

Now, I'm going to go have some ice cream at 4am ✌️

[squill79]

Where Have I Been?

This is a story that went in a VERY different direction than I originally intended. I originally had a strong idea for the beginning and ending, but didn't know what I wanted to put in the middle. As I figured out, I began to realize that the original ending I had in mind didn't really fit with where the story was heading, but I ultimately like where this story went. This is another one that's kinda dark in some areas haha. Enjoy!

These past few months have been the worst of my life. My wretched illness has left me trapped in this miserable hospital for what feels like an eternity. With my body not long for this Earth, I await my inevitable end. But there's one thing that keeps me going, that keeps me alive. My beloved granddaughter, Emma, likely the sweetest little girl I've ever known. When she was little, we would always get ice cream together, take daytrips to the zoo or the museum, one time I even let her help me paint the house. She's older now, 13 if I remember correctly, but she still manages to make time for me. Every Sunday her and her mom will visit my room, give me flowers, tell me about her week, and tell me she wishes I felt better. I am truly grateful for her, and await her visit tomorrow as considering my condition, it may be our last time together. But for now it is about time I get some shut eye and prepare to be bombarded with her love and affection.

It's the middle of the night and I awaken from my slumber. I hear a nasally voice echoing in my ears. "Hey wake up. Wake up, old man", it says noisily on repeat. I finally open my eyes in anticipation of a nurse letting me know I wet myself again, but what I witness instead is what appears to be a floating child with wings, completely catching me by surprise.

"What the hell are you?", I ask in fear and confusion.

"Don't worry, don't worry! I'm your guardian angel! I'm not gonna hurt you!"

"Guardian angel? You mean all that biblical garbage is real?"

"Well sort of, you guys misinterpreted A LOT of stuff, but that's not the point".

"Well then why are you here?"

"I'm here to give you your death warrant!"

"My... my what?"

"Your death warrant! We're supposed to give you a one-day notice before you die but uh... well I'm new at this... sorry". The angel proceeded to hand me a slip of paper informing me the time of my death.

"THIS SAYS I DIE AT 2 IN THE MORNING!" I began to have a panic attack. "But I can't! I have to see my granddaughter!" I stared at the clock. It was nearing midnight. I have two hours to see Emma for the last time.

"Well, you better get to it then".

"But how do I get out of here without anyone noticing? Can you do something?"

"Sorry, I'm not allowed to interact with the human world. Them's the rules".

"Well isn't that just excellent? I get to die here without even so much as a last look at my granddaughter! Real excellent job, my so-called guardian angel".

"Look I didn't make the rules, I merely enforce them. We can't let humans know of our existence until the day before their death". They continued to ramble on about the arbitrary set of rules they're forced to follow. I didn't listen. I was searching for my matches.

"Found 'em!"

"What? Found what? Were you igno-". They were cut off by the entire room being ignited in flames. I quickly sprinted out, but not without my right leg being scorched by the fire I had started. This gave me an opportunity to escape, as the staff diverted their attention towards the burning room, allowing me to slip by. I worried my coughing may draw attention to me, but everyone was so distracted by the fire that I managed to get by undetected. Before I had left the building, I seized the receptionists' keys from her desk without her managing to catch it. She is friends with my daughter so I knew which car was hers. I admittedly felt a twinge of guilt for my act of theft, she was always kind to me, but it's a sacrifice that must be made. As I began to start the car up, my guardian angel returned out of seemingly thin air. "YOU SET FIRE TO A HOSPITAL! ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"I did what had to be done. Nobody was in that room, chances are no one was hurt". As I put my hands on the steering wheel I noticed the flesh on my hands begin to deteriorate. I stared in shock for a moment, pondering what was becoming of me. My guardian angel eventually picked up on my confusion.

"That happens right before you die. Your skin will begin to rot like a banana". At this point I only had an hour and a half left. I began to drive as fast as I could with no concern for the speed limit. I drove straight through every stop signs and red light I encountered. It was almost exhilarating actually. In my last moments of life I was partaking in the type of reckless behavior and hadn't gotten myself into since I was in my twenties. My guardian angel of course, was not pleased with my actions. "Don't you think you should slow down? You might hurt someone".

"I don't have time to slow down. My daughter's house is still miles away and I have such little time. And besi-". As I was speaking, I had driven head on into another car. Glass penetrating my already rotting skin. But that won't matter for much longer. I stumbled out of the wrecked car and found the nearest bike. I hadn't caught a look at the state of the person in the other vehicle. I hopped on the bike and proceeded to ride off, when my guardian angel intervened.

"Look pal, I can't sit here and let this continue. Far too many people have been hurt by your actions. If you don't quit, not only will I leave your side, but your soul will be damned to the eternal pit of hell". Truth be told, I hadn't even believed in a heaven or hell before this point. Although it did not sound ideal, I was willing to make this gambit for the sake of saying my goodbye's to Emma.

"I'm sorry, but this is something that I must do".

"Well, I suppose this is where we part ways". They appeared solemn as I rode the bike away. I felt a little bad in a way. They seemed like a fine person, but they served no help to me, so they weren't a major loss.

At this point my skin rot had encompassed my entire torso. I had less than an hour left, but her house was only a few blocks away. I was nearly there. As I was riding however, my age began to catch up with me. I could feel myself getting exhausted from all of the adrenaline I had been experiencing. I could feel my eyes begin to close, when all of a sudden, I was jolted awake again, as I had been thrown off my bike due to colliding with a sharp rock. My body scraped against the sidewalk, blood expelling from every cut in my skin. With a hole in its front tire, the bike was no longer usable. I trudged on on-foot, as it was my only option left.

I continued to march for miles. I had come too far now to give up. Too many people have been hurt for this to all be for nothing. I only had about ten minutes left. My body was almost entirely deteriorated. At a certain point, my legs had given up on me, but I determinedly crawled on. It was my mission to see her one last time before my soul egressed from this mortal realm. With the last of my strength, I crawled to my destination. Finally, I reached the house. Now it would all be worth it. I slowly began to stand up, preparing to knock on that door and be greeted by the child who admired me. But as I took one last look at my burned, penetrated, scraped, decaying body, I began to question if it was all worth it. What would she think of me? How would she react to the person I have become this night? Is this how I want her to remember me? And as I had pondered the current state of my ethics and moral code, my body collapsed on the ground. And then... I was gone.

[offbrandspacecolumbo]

Ah Hellfire, I Almost Forgot

And I completely forgot to post anything yesterday, too. Great start to this daily thing.

In my defense, yesterday was late Valentine's Day for me and my partner. Was very busy. Had to eat ice cream.

Anyways-

Today, I managed to:

Eat, like, at least one decent meal, even tho I wasn't feeling it

Ask for pain relief from a coworker when I felt a headache coming on instead of just pushing through it

Ooo, get to work on time! Which makes quite a few days in a row! Haven't been late for a while!

Unfortunately, I did forget to:

Take a walk

Work on the Big Project

Sleep at a decent hour :^)

Damn, invoked the Rule of 3 both ways today. Bodes ill.

Was gonna take a walk when I got home, but kicked myself in the ankle getting into my car after work, somehow. Terrible luck. Hopefully I can get up and force myself to do a lap around the block tomorrow morning, would be a nice start to the day.

Was kind of looking forward to getting questions to answer for my in-character post last night, but the pitfalls of disappearing for long periods of time, I guess. I hope I can get some interaction with it soon, am still a bit excited about it. I forget if it's ok to reblog your own stuff - if it is, I might just reblog it a few times til someone bites.

I've also been adding the Keep Reading links to my posts, cause I don't want to clutter other feeds and I know I can type a lot about nothing, but I wonder if maybe it'd be better to just leave it all out there as one big unavoidable textwall? Would people even mind?

Ah well. For now, here's another daily. Hopefully tomorrow I can brag about a walk or something.

[ninoochat]

Weekly tag Wednesday !!

Thank you @transsexual-dandelions @atthedugouts @mickeym4ndy im doing it this time ^^

Name: Mina/Sara/Nin/depends where and when you catch me online

Age: 39

Location: satan's pubes south of france

top sheet, yes or no?: of course

how many stuffed animals do you own?: one bear i bought for myself 22 years ago

the names of your pets (and the explanations behind them): they're all dead and im done with pets i cant take any more loss

favorite color: green/yellow/purple

Any tattoos? no, i wish i could but it's the permanent nature of it all... id have gotten a cat and that stupid fucking libertines tattoo in carl barat's handwriting

how you transport your belongings (purse, tote, hands, pockets, etc.): i got a small murky green cross body bag. i hate that pockets are too small because i really never have more than my phone, keys, earbuds and my wallet. since i have the bag i also have a pack of kleenex and some bandages because my feet always blister but i could go without.

the last movie you watched: challengers

how long does it take you to get ready in the morning?: 5 minutes and it's mostly me cursing at my fucking curly hair that i hate with every fiber of my being

favorite weather: when i dont have to be outside? dark grey apocalyptic thunderstorm and heavy rain/wind. end of the world type shit. best sleeps of my life. when i do need to be outside: dark grey, light or no rain, gloomy.

relationship status: ready to jump ship

ice cream flavor of choice: rum raisin/mint chocolate chip/pistachio/praliné

first fandom: fandom as in being obsessed with the media and talking about it with friends at recess? probably batman the animated series (1992). i was harley quinn my bff was the joker and this one white boy in our class was batman. except the plot everyday was us villains "torturing" batman. like we'd have him lay down on benches and pretend he was tied up and we'd fake drop acid on him and chemicals from empty bottles of water. it was all good fun we didnt bully the guy i know how it sounds lol we had notebooks to write back and forth as our characters and we'd chase each other

how many books have you read this year?: 0. i used to be so ashamed but now im like it is what it is. in 2022 i got a kobo and i made myself read 9 books. last year i read 2, then i quit again :/

first 4 words of your last notes app entry: i dont use one i use ✨ paper and pens ✨

and finally, if you had to change your URL tomorrow, what would you change it to?: something unrelated to fandom because i know ill change too often or something related to ian and mickey because i am weak

Tagging anyone who wants to i guess

[viola-canadensis]

Had a weird dream. Was going on a trip with a younger version of myself. Altho like it wasnt the real young me from like real life but someone just handed me this little girl and said this is you as a kid, and its a dream so you just kinda accept that stuff.

Didnt really do much. Think we looked at dinosaur encyclopedias in a bunk bed. Then we were outside and she dropped somethin and i found it up for her.

Woa wait i just remembered the dream i was having before that. I was stuck in a time loop in new york i think. Not real new york, dream new york. The loop was like me starting around a highway i think? Then going through a forest then travelling on a dirt road to the city. Where like something would happen and i would die presumably and start the loop again. But i think the end of that dream was me getting to this fake dream apartment and meeting the tiny me.

Anyway back to the tiny me dream. I think after being outside we ended up in a big book store. I bought us matching bookmarks cause tiny me wanted them (altho they turned into little notebooks instead of bookmarks when we picked them up cause dream shenanigans or somethin) and then we just looked around a while. Then it ended there i think.

Felt really sad waking up. It was really nice having someone i could hug. And like seeing her face when i found that thing she had lost. And idk if it was aware that i was also it. I think it probably saw me as like a big sister. But idk like having this little kid think im cool and shit and trusting me to take care of it and stuff, like, felt nice.

Anyway, if im gonna read into it i guess im supposed to like treat myself better now or somethin. Or idk acquire a small child. Be more transgender maybe.

AnywayX2, i miss tiny me. I wanna get ice cream together. Or look at more dinosaur encyclopedias, dinosaurs are so cool. I hope i didnt leave her alone in that book store when i woke up. I guess the idea is that it’s me. So like neither of us are alone and i should just look at dinosaur stuff on my own and its like the same thing. But its not really the same thing. I cant sit in my own lap or hold my own hand. And buying things for myself isnt the same as buying things for others. I can push through the anxiety of going to an ice cream place if im getting things for people i care about but im not gonna put myself through that just for myself. So idk i guess i havent properly learned the lesson i was meant to learn.

Just realized theres a joke here about the ghost of violet past and like tomorrow will be the ghost of violet present and then future but i cant figure out the phrasing so just imagine i made the joke. So like after the next two ghosts ill have learned to love myself or something lol.

Anyway guess thats it. Dunno if anyone is gonna read all of this but i wanted to talk about it so there we go.

[foxmulderautism]

all i have to do now is sleep and then tomorrow morning ill be home by 7:30 then i get to do my little run before 10 and then i can eat the beautiful groceries i specifically bought for after my run after work and i have ice cream in the freezer still and im not at work until next wednesday and i plan to lock myself in my room writing my best friends beau and bobby. boy who is “going to be okay��

[mouldy-oranges]

not thinking about restricting and counting calories roughly in my head and fasting shit loads seems to be working really well so ill continue that. i keep promising myself to go into the shop and buy myself some vegan ice cream cake to puurge at the end of the day, but ive been doing that for like a week. it seems to be staving off the binge urge though, so. if it isnt broken dont fix it, right? i suspect it wont be restocked which is making me anxious honestly.

maybe i can think myself into not wanting it. other people watching me buy it would be shameful. waste of money. it has plastic packaging. what if i cant get it all after. but i want itttt. i could go tomorrow and it might not even be there anymore. what would i get fat on then other than maybe some cashews and dried apricots and pineapple and i dont think i should dwell on this because now im there.

before it was an idle, "i kinda want to," but when presented the opportunity i decided against it because i value progress and cleanliness above fleeting creature comforts that leave you guilty, and physically uncomfortable, and fat. im just tempting myself here

[a-book-squirm]

Had a great weekend at a pop culture convention.

I’m feeling a bit stronger and my mood a bit better and a sleeping more.

I’ve got some art jobs lined up and am going to try and get into some fitness stuff and clean up my unit and I think I’m doing ECT weekly (see psychiatrist tomorrow to sort plan out).

I know that there will likely be struggles.

I’m trying not to get too ahead of myself and think things are 100% because there are still tough times and my illness is very very variable.

Oh and we got ice cream and it was GOOD.