#if i could ban people from ordering One Thing at my store. it would be any drink being ordered with no ice

[asphodeldreams]

if you go to a coffee shop and order your iced drinks with no ice, just know that there is at least a 90% chance that barista fucking hates you

[celabi]

tbh, I feel like I’ve been drifting away from the original scummy scara I made when I first made the au, so I would like to let everyone know that he is a BIG freak. the type of guy you avoid because he’s just… so creepy and weird. like, restraining order, banned in fifty states type of weird.

he will steal a pen you’ve been nibbling on in class, and do all sorts of things to it that you don’t wanna know. like shoving it down his throat or something idk.

he goes through the trash and takes the gum you spat out, and chews it as if he were a man on death row. and at this point he might as well be.

he ‘makes’ you home made lunch. (which is just store brought food he put into a lunch box). awe, so thoughtful, right? NO, he passed out after cumming so much to replace the dressing on your salad.

spits in your drink, so it’s almost like you’re kissing in a way, because his saliva is in your mouth yada yada. he’s so delusional, gosh.

this man jerks off to anything. pictures of you in a bikini. pictures of your panties that he snuck a photo of from under your skirt. hell, he has even fapped it to a post he found on one of your family members facebook where you look like the most ordinary person ever. anything.

he acts like an angel around you, but the moment you turn your back, he has this dark, violent glint in his eyes at anyone who isn’t you.

he STANK. like discord moderator who manages thirty different servers. he plays video games 24/7 and eats only fast food + he lives in his mothers basement so minus points.

his mind is SO dirty too. like you could be complaining about this one girl who has been getting on your nerves recently, and all he can think about is bending you over the table and running his hands all over your body. he thinks of you when he shouldn’t, and in ways he shouldn’t, even before you knew his name.

yeah he’s so sweet, and kisses the ground you walk on. but he also would love nothing more then to knock you up and keep you as his cute little spouse who he can come home and make love to every day.

god and he’s a brat too, don’t get me started. like, throwing tantrums when you decide to sit with someone else at lunch. starting fights with people who so much as look in your general direction (ones that he loses cause he is so small and scrawny). screaming profanities at the professors who separate your seating plans in lectures, and so on.

if you’ve been keeping up with my posts, you’ll know that this man has a literal sex doll replica of you he sleeps with at night. it’s so detailed to the point where there is freckles in the exact same spot they are on your skin. (even some moles and beauty marks that you didn’t even know you had, and god knows how he does).

has a shrine of you in his closet. strands of your hair he has collected. lipgloss and chapstick he has stolen from your bag whilst you weren’t looking. accessories like rings and bracelets. nail polish, all the works. and in the middle of this shrine, in all its glory, is a pair of your underwear that he took while you were in the changing rooms. he prays to it. the holy grail.

he has been dating you in his head the moment he saw you, like, gets a little annoyed when you don’t remember your five month anniversary, but the thing is, you didn’t even know you’re dating at all.

I love him. don’t get me wrong, but he is not the man you want to get involved with, like AT ALL.

go for someone like scummy alhaitham, who has (some) self respect 👍

[childotkw]

I am currently obsessed with the Bookshop au, and sooo many scenes pop up in my head. Current one:

Aurors storming the bookshop, because of rumours and the fact that so many dark wizards and witches are seen around, even the most noble purebloods. There has to be something wrong there.

But… it’s just books. And Harry offering them tea, being pleasantly polite and patient, chatting, asking about the kids, because obviously some of the aurors kids are friends with his godchildren, maybe some have even visited.

They are just so confused because they can’t find anything (because the really dark, forbidden stuff is always ordered and straightly delivered), sure there are some of the darkest things some have seen, but nothing illegal.

And they raid his shop multiple times, but nothing. Each time they get tea, and cookies (they did every possible spell, it’s really just tea and cookies), and they start to like Harry.

So, somehow, the bookshop became a neutral zone, where nobody is allowed to fight, because they would get kicked out. So it’s not weird for an auror to sit straight next to a wanted criminal, and just letting them be.

One auror once tried to arrest someone in the bookshop, but Harry kicked him out and banned every auror until he apologised and promised to never do it again. Said auror got bullied by his colleagues until he did.

And because by now so many people visit him, Harry bought the house next to him (super difficult negotiations, because he almost got it for free from the owner, and that just wouldn’t do), and added a coffee corner to his bookshop, where students come to do their holiday homework, and they always got help from the adults around, wanted criminals could meet their family they hadn’t seen since they were on the run, and the ministry just had to accept that no auror dared to arrest them in there.

Harry's store being Switzerland is honestly the kind of chaos this AU was built for. The aurors accepting that even if he is doing anything illegal they're never going to catch him, so they just join in is 10/10 😂

[memeapple2]

Metalocalypse starters

"They're trying to tell you that the guy got his face smashed into the hovercraft, that's what they're trying to tell you."

"I would rather have my brain scooped out with a melon-baller than to miss the opportunity to deliver the various cheese snacks to my beloved _____."

"We are here to make coffee metal. We will make everything metal. Blacker than the blackest black times infinity."

"This is, I believes, called food libraries."

"It's called a grocery store, ya douchebags! I'm sorry about douchebags. I got... got low blood sugar."

"Alright, here's the deal: we have to do our own shopping so we can make our own dinner like regular jack-offs do. Now you're all in charge of putting together one dish. AND DON'T JUST BUY BOOZE! That ain't food!"

"What do you mean, "booze ain't food?" I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that!"

"You'd rather chop off your ding-dong than not drink?"

"2 cups of rice." [pours rice into measuring cup, then through the shopping cart] "Brutal."

"Okay hold on now, so you're telling me that you put these little guys in boiling water and they shrink, and they turn red, and they die? That is the most metal thing I ever heard in my whole life. High five!"

"Guess what, you are a GMILF. That is a grandmother that I would like to -"

"Lemme guess - not "heavy" enough, not "tuned low" enough, not "brutal" enough?"

"Oh, right. That dude that you headbutted? The guy was a Danish Prince. Can you believe that?"

"Friends, we're... we're not used to the whole apologizing thing. We're not professional apologizers. We're... musicians. So, we wrote a song for you, a new national anthem. We took the lyrics straight from your Finnish folklore book of necronomic spells."

"Oh, I hate Finland. I need a hundred beers. I need a hundred beers. Exactly... exactly one hundred. Thank you."

"Hey I ain't no therapist, but I hate your mustache."

"I realize I don't even know the name of my father. I'm proud. I proud to know that I don't know that."

"It's a nice night for riding around in a cube!"

"Black out more. So you don't have to remember. The life. That you haaave... There."

"BACK OFF JACK OFF!!"

"All right, all right, popscockles we cans haves."

I have a dad! I fucking love my dad!"

"There isn't anything I wouldn't do to hang with Mickey Mouse!"

"We got you your favorite thing! Disappointment!"

"Yeah, but we such screw-ups that he would be sewn back together wrong."

"Can you please give me the laser pointer? It does not belong to you."

"My video was banned from music television, cause you could see my junk... through my jumpsuit."

"Hey Dogface, why don't you go and... eat some dog food, and eat your own throw-up, 'cause you're a dog... face."

"That's what families is, peoples you hates."

Hey, did you know that Norway has the lowest murder rate in the whole world? The lowest in the world?

Wait a minute, you mean that the murder rate in Canada is higher than Norway? Oh my god this place is lame! Lame place!

The fact that my parents had sex in order to create me makes me want to be buried alive.

"I'd rather die than go to heaven."

"Well, uh, I will tell you this, that's a good problem to have. That's a problem you want to have. It's a good one."

“How do you value your what you contribute of to at the workforce and second part, at which can you most can’t the least?"

“Bleach is mostly water, and we’re mostly water. Therefore, we are bleach.”

"Candy, tastes like chicken if chicken was a candy."

"I smell burning plastic. You do know.. that burning plastic isn't a snack right? You do know?"

"Yeah it's scream activated lighting. You walk into a room 'wheres my keys?' AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!! There they are!"

“Use your fancy degrees assholes!”

"You mean astronaut camp is a lie? I’ve been telling everyone you’re going to be an astronaut! Now you’re making me look like an asshole!"

"What're those wooden things... chairs?"

“We’ll give you half……OF NOTHING!"

“Hey! Who peed my pants!” “I think you might be the culprit in this particular… mystery” “How the hell could I pee my pants when I’m standing right here!?”

"What's that burning smell? Did I leaves the lunchables in the microwaves again?"

"No, we're not-that's not even a repsonse to what I was saying. We're arguing two different things here."

"Don't say die SAY HAMBURGER TIME! Please say hamburger time when speaking to us."

[jellybeanium124]

so I definitely hc that stede has a sweet tooth (not as sweet as ed's, though, he strikes me as a two-sugars kind of guy) and a big appetite (anyone in this fandom with feedist leanings has wondered what exactly happened to the entire orange cake if none of the crew knew about it but roach, who baked it). but he's also absolutely embarrassed about these things and rigorously watches how he eats in front of other people lest he be called a pig again.

so modern au, stede lives with his family, and there's a slow, steady stream of anxiety around eating too much when they're around. and even if they're all out of the house he can't binge too much because then they'll all know he did it. he has secret hidden snacks and treats, a habit leftover from childhood where his father banned most junk food in the house, but gave stede a huge cash allowance every week.

but then he and mary finally break up. he moves out to his own apartment, and for the first time nobody will judge him. and after getting over his fears that the grocery store employees would somehow know he wasn't having a party and judge him for his purchases, he starts buying all the snacks and desserts he always wanted. he buys different cake mixes and brownie mixes and and all different things and bowls and whisks and pans because he could never bake before.

it doesn't take long before stede's new habits start to show, and while he thought that putting on weight would make him upset, he finds that his biggest frustration is ill-fitting pants. going shopping and having to buy up a size is weirdly thrilling. he buys one pair of pants two sizes up... just in case. it's loose on him now. if he sits down it's a bit loose, but they're impossible to wear standing up, even with a belt cinched tightly around it.

as his old pants grow unwearable and his new pants start to cling tightly, he finds himself with the goal of fitting into his biggest pair of pants without a belt. he's not quite sure why he's doing this, he just knows it feels good. it feels so good to cook or heat up or order or take out a big meal and then eat it all, filling his softening belly with yummy food and not being worried about anyone else seeing him. he loves making his way through boxes of donuts or a pan of brownies, a greedy part of him glad he doesn't have to share, they're all for him.

he's wearing those pants (with a belt) one day to the store, where he sees a gorgeous man pacing between the freshly made baked goods, looking at them all longingly. he watches as the man starts to walk away from the baked goods section, before turning around for one last look.

"the chocolate cake is really good," stede said to the man. "I'd avoid the eclairs though. they're soggy."

the man snorted and smiled a little. "good to know... I don't really need any chocolate cake though... it's not my birthday."

"there doesn't have to be an occasion... chocolate cake is yummy."

the man cocks his head at stede. "I dunno..."

"well, if you don't buy a slice, maybe I'll buy one. maybe I'll buy two and then I'll have an extra."

the man smiled at him. "well... if you've got an extra... my name's ed."

"stede."

[adultswim2021]

The Boondocks #38: “Pause” | June 20, 2010 - 11:30PM | S03E08

Lotta animation got me on this one. I was doing big old smiles every few minutes.

This is the Tyler Perry episode. In it, Granddad gets to be in a Tyler Perry play (they don’t call him Tyler Perry though, they come up with a different name to call him instead of directly saying he’s Tyler Perry because you get in biiiiiig trouble if you do that!!!!) but then he finds out he’s going to be the love interest of the Madea character, who is simply Tyler Perry in drag. In other words: Granddad has to be gay for pay. 

Can I make any kind of excuse for this episode being homophobic? I simply cannot. But, just like when famous Caucasian scamps “Matt and Trey” veer into libertarian territory while also being very funny, I simply have to chuckle, shake my head, look into the camera, and smugly say “you couldn’t get away with this today!” So many people would clap after I said that. But: I laughed and thought this was a funny ‘sode. Can ya blame me?

I think I'd heard about this one being controversial, and I believe I read it was banned for a spell. That somehow doesn't directly translate to it being beloved like it does for other banned episodes (the uniquely bad-for-it's-era New York episode of The Simpsons being banned by the 9/11 people comes to mind). It seems like sometimes the best thing that can happen to a cartoon episode is for it to get banned; it's legacy becomes something of legend and it's perceived quality tends to inflate. If you look at the episodes in order of IMDB rating, you'll see this one somewhere in the middle. Fair!

And that’s the write up for this one! I’m sorry, I need to make some of these bad so I can get through them faster. This one boils down to one thing: for the two main men in this story (Joel Hodgeson voice) it's all about sex, and I couldn’t agree more. Let’s all try to have some sex this year okay everyone?

EPHEMERA CORNER

MAIL BAG

Been too long. Sorry about that. Holidays. Job is hellish. You get it. As a consequence there are a lot of Christmas-themed Mail Bags I never replied to, so let's get to it:

Agree with you on the Married News Team. Jan and Wayne Sklar (know affectionately as the Sklar Brothers) are complete dopes. Someone needs to tell Tim to get a life. Every time he chirps about Trump he becomes president. Maybe he should focus on his tan and wax, Mr. Hollywood. Heh. Merry Christmas.

I actually watched the Office Hours election night live episode and it's basically just Tim frowning in slow motion for 3 hours. Get well soon Tim, and Merry Christmas to ya. Thank you for your mail Tim I'm a big fan

What are your favorite Adult Swim stocking stuffers. They have to be able to fit in a stocking and they have to be Adult Swim related. You can fill the stocking up as much as you life but it alls needs to rest in there comfortable without falling out if you hang it up. It's the holiday season after all, which is a time for giving.

You know I love my digital discs, and wouldn't you know it you could fit several DVDs in there. Since Santa goes all over the world I'm gonna ask him to get me the Australian-exclusive releases to spin on my region-free DVD player. We're talking Moral Orel volumes 2 & 3. We're talking that Space Ghost DVD that says it's complete but it's missing an entire season. We're talking Minoriteam for some reason.

Also I think it'd be real cool if I got the Master Shake air-freshener from the 2002 giveaway. Not the one they released into stores where they changed it so Master Shake is smiling. His smile disgusts me.

Also, I once possessed a Sealab shirt that was compressed into a hockey-puck sized package. That'd be nice in a stocking. It'd probably get all snug in the toe of the stocking, like an orange in a sock. You could probably beat somebody up with that. I could use a weapon, so I could really use that. PLEASE Santa! COME BACK!!!

Hey guys Luke from Adult Swim 2021 here reminding you to click the ASK ME ANYTHING to ask me literally anything. I appreciate the Adult Swim questions but I will answer anything you send me. I simply must. I'm eager to help you out.

Hey knock it off don't write stuff in my voice. STOP IT

Santa's coming. Getting scared?

Shut up!

Neighbors From Hell is like someone asking "Hey what if Radiskull and Devil Doll had legs?" And you aren't gonna like where those legs are going.

Those legs went to "no longer being on TV and only available on an illegal dailymotion link" which I actually do like

[reese-is-dum]

Why I hate Jordan Matter

An Essay.

(Disclaimer; I only really know him because my niece watches his family vlogs.)

With the rise of the internet came the rise of video blogs or vlogs. People would vlog their trip to Disney or their everyday life, then came the family vloggers who would record their life or viral trends with their kids who are usually too young to have a tiktok account. Jordan Matter says that he does these public challenge videos because he loves spending time with his kids even though he ends up spending hundreds or even thousands of dollars per video or getting absolutely humiliated. My niece will endlessly watch these challenge videos while I'm babysitting her, so I end up watching these because I become baffled by these kids and their father.

Recently, my niece put on this one video that was a compilation of many other videos, it was about 5 color challenge videos from Jordan Matter. For those who don't know, color challenges are series of challenges where there are usually two competitors or teams, and they have to create entirely new outfits at the mall, buy them and then usually buy things in their color or do something related to the color they picked, there is usually a way to fail so the competitors are fighting for a win. This compilation is what inspired me to write this. As I was watching I realized these videos took place over a span of about 2 years, with in this video Jordan Matter's daughter, who I will not name out of respect because this in no way is her fault, her friends and the Anazala family were all featured. In one challenge it was Asala Anazala and her daughter vs Jordan's daughter vs Jordan, the girls had to buy outfits in their color and then hide somewhere in the mall near something of their color. Jordan had to find them, Jordan was allowed to dispatch a challenge where they had to buy ice cream in their color without getting caught by him. In this challenge the prize was a 5 minute shopping spree in any store, he constantly made comments about how didn't want to drain his bank account by letting either of the other teams win, then why would you have offered this up as a prize? Throughout the video he gets kicked out of a target along with a dozen teens because he ends up recruiting around a dozen of them to find his daughter in the target and they become rowdy and end up running around, yelling and recording. After getting kicked out he then goes back in because he still trying to find Asala and her daughter. He then proceeded to run after Asala and her daughter yelling and screaming. I genuinely hope that he gets banned from that target because he is not only a disturbance to the peace but he just creates more trouble for the workers who are most likely barely scraping by and don't get payed enough to deal with some old man paying teens to help him win a vlog challenge.

In another challenge of the compilation Jordan asks an ice cream shop to allow his daughter and her friend to serve people ice cream. They stick a camera in customer's faces and allowed two twelve year olds to make and serve milk shakes and ice cream to people just trying to order a treat. In this piece of the challenge the girls end up trying to coerce the customers to buy something pink with their order, and many of the customers seem uncomfortable with the pressure coming from the girls. Jordan desperate to win also ends up sticking a camera in people's faces and trying to coerce customers still waiting into not buying anything pink. Jordan not only is a nuisance to the public but honestly a threat to public safety as this is not the only time he has challenged his kid to get behind a counter they don't work at and serve customers that didn't ask to be served by this child. Children are icky! They have so much bacteria and germs and they are not very good at washing their hands, he could have unknowingly caused people to get sick. There was another video (completely separate from this compilation) where he asked his son to ask a coffee shop if he could get behind the counter and fill an order, in short he sucked at it but the coffee shop had someone watching him the whole way through, unlike the girls video where they were pretty much unsupervised by angy but Jordan and the cameras for a good portion of the video.

In short, Jordan Matter is a public nuisance and should have his platform taken because he's exploiting his kids and borderline harassing workers. He has been recording his kids for at least 4 years to my knowledge, his daughter was 11 and his son was 14. He has been sending them on challenges in the mall and in stores for years. Fuck Jordan Matter.

[reveries-and-radiance]

Okay, so I don't have this month's rent. I've asked everyone I know for help but no one can help me. I haven't received enough art commissions so I have no funds coming in at all.

I don't have any employment opportunities available and earning pay would take several weeks even if I did.

I have $150 cad left in my bank account. With that money I can't really go anywhere. More than likely I will need to sell my bed, desk and shelf. Give away my clothing and prepare to be out on the streets.

All of the money I get from selling my furniture will have to go to the landlord for the rent I will owe.

What happens after that? I don't know. All I need is a place to shower, a space to sleep and somewhere I can store my belongings so I'm looking at potentially getting a gym membership to cover storage and showering facilities. As for sleeping that will be a huge problem as this city has a huge population of homeless people and are thus very strict on sleeping in public (I've even been harassed at malls by a security guard when I laid my head on the table at a restaurant while with some co-workers). Homeless tents and encampments are regularly seiged by law enforcement. It's a terribly cruel and injust system.

It's also winter so getting around is difficult if you have a lot of things on you.

I could microsleep in broad daylight at parks but that is unsafe as I am a single woman.

There's always the movie theatre but I don't want to get banned from there.

As for if people have couches available? Perhaps someone does but I'm ashamed enough as it is and would probably not be able to sleep there anyways.

I'm not concerned about food or water as the city provides accessible drinking fountains free of charge in most public areas. As for food, I can probably go 3-4 months without eating as I work to save up to rent another place, or try to leave the city entirely.

I've come to the conclusion that dying is more difficult than trying to survive. Trying to live in a world that actively pushes you towards destruction is a nightmare but I have to keep going.

There's also the option of going back to live with my family. But after everything I've done and who they are as people, that would be just as much of a nightmare than being out on the streets and was why I left in the first place.

I'm still going to be taking art commissions, still going to try my best to work and find a job somewhere in order to earn funds. But I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing anymore. Everything is such a disaster.

[yinnina]

It Might Be Him

There were more than four-thousand kids in this school, about a thousand for each grade.

A little less than half of those kids were surrounding us. Some kids, who were smart, watched from the stairs reeling, shouting like wild dogs for who they thought would win.

He yelled something that I couldn't catch on due to how loud the people were around us.

"Sorry!" I yelled back, "Doc said I shouldn't listen to bullshit!"

Everyone 'ooh'ed and laughed at the guy, whose name I knew was Eren, and the only reason he found out he was fighting was thanks to Gabby being the one who knew about him.

He got into a fighting position, which looked funny to me, and tried throwing a punch.

Luckily, I had a fast reflex and ducked under his fist, grabbing his arm and pulling it behind my head.

We are face to face now, and taking that to my advantage I kicked the front of his knee, making him fall, but before his face hit mine I moved out of the way, making him fall face first into the ground.

I grabbed his arms and put them behind his back, restraining him from punching or moving due to pressure I'm placing on his back.

"I would give up if I were you." I whispered in his ear.

"Like I would do such thing." He said harshly, struggling to get out of my grip. That was my cue to raise his right arm with the elbow facing me.

Crack!

Everyone was in sock, and the guy was screaming in pain after a few seconds.

His arm was bent, it would not fold frontwards but backwards.

"I warned you, you didn't listen." I told him as I walked away, people making way for me to walk through.

After that was over with, I made sure to head straight for the Grab-N-Go, where I knew Vance would be at.

I walked through the front doors, with the sound of a bell warning my entrance.

"So?" Asked the blondie, not looking away from his game.

"He won't touch anyone for a few weeks if not months." I told him.

He looked up at me this time, not caring about his score and him losing. He was in shock, but it wasn't very visible, only reason it was given away was due to his eyebrows rising up slightly then going back to their original place.

"What did you do?" He asked, rather curious.

"Arm's bend." I said simply, with a plain voice.

He chuckled, but his face showed no new emotion. "Who would've thought, since when do you know how to bend arms?"

"You're underestimating me, I know many things that would fall under the medical field. Some things don't fall under it, but fall under murder 'field.'"

"Surprise me." He ordered.

"If you inject digoxin into someone who doesn't have heart failure then they will die and it will look like they had blood pressure, and if it's injected under the tongue then the pinch mark is most likely to not be found." I reassure.

He was shocked at this, but knew it was true due to how I said it. I didn't stutter once, I didn't eat my words, and didn't trip over them.

It was a rather interesting topic to look into, I didn't use that knowledge on anyone or anything, but it could come in handy.

"Fair enough. I trust that you won't say a word about this?" He glared at me.

I chuckled lightly, "Of course."

It was a shocker he even talked to me, so I better keep my mouth shut to not get on his nerves like I did back in middle school.

His temper was a ticking bomb after all, the only exception was that you knew when a bomb would explode thanks to its timer, with Vance though, it was different, you never knew what he would do.

There was no capable way of reading him.

I turned to leave the store, before I saw it once again.

The black-fucking-ban.

"Oh my, do I have a secret admirer or something?" I whispered to myself.

There was no way I would go out through the front door where they could see me, so I went back to Vance, who was playing Pinball, and sat down next to the machine, waiting for the ban to notice my absence and leave.

I was lucky that the man didn't notice me walking away from the door, for he was probably searching for something on the passenger's seat.

"Asshole's following you again?" Asked the curly haired guy.

I sighed and nodded my head, yes.

I was not playing this man's little hide-&-seek game, I ain't patient enough to hide nor patient enough to seek.

My temper was running short with the top hatted man appearing everywhere I went.

I found it extremely weird how every time he appeared I was always near Vance. It was almost as if he wasn't just targeting me, but Vance too.

"Does he follow you anywhere?" I asked quietly, only for him to hear.

"Not really, it's always when you are around." He confessed. "Vance..." I started and he hummed.

"He only ever appears when you are around..."

He stopped playing, not caring when the machine made a small noise to announce how the game was finished.

His face was stiff, in a position where you could tell.

He was getting pissed, and a pissed Vance was not a pretty Vance.

"That son of a bitch..." He whispered, trying to remain cool.

"You don't think... He's going for both of us, right?" I started fidgeting with my nails. This whole thing was crazy.

Then I thought about the odds. What if he really was the one who kidnapped the other kids?

It wasn't impossible, he seemed cliche already.

"I'm not sure." He confessed, and for the first time, he actually looked down to the floor.

He too was thinking the same thing, I knew it by his face.

This top-hat man might be The Grabber, and was awaiting his next victims.

He was waiting for the next kids he will take from their home.

Those kids might be one of us, and we didn't know who. This man had no reason to do what he did, he merely did it for the sake of his own pleasure and entertainment. We didn't know a thing about him, and he didn't know a thing about us.

And for the first time in a while, I actually got scared. I got scared for myself.

For Vance.

I knew we both could handle ourselves, but this is a new thing, we are talking about someone who has kidnapped other kids who haven't even been found yet.

"I'm not sure..."

[nickgerlich]

It’s For You

It is now safe to say that we have an entire generation that has known cell phones their entire lives. They have never felt the need for a land line. They have always had a phone in pocket or purse, ranging from 10-key flip phones, to sliders, Blackberrys, and more recently, smartphones.



I’m talking about Generation Z, of course, the social cohort whose demarcation year—1997—is considered the point after which online life had become nearly ubiquitous. What those demographers overlooked, though, is that this was about the same time that cell phone ownership became nearly as common. While we can all take some credit in this, Gen-Z quickly realized that these phones are for more than just talking or texting. They are lifestyle devices.



I got my first cell phone in 1994, a Motorola bag phone that had to be tethered to both vehicle power and a rooftop antenna. It was basically a heavy walkie-talkie, but it worked. And boy howdy were the fees high. I paid by the minute, which went down a little bit in the evening. Suffice it to say, I only used it for very important calls.



What most people don’t realize is that the first cell phone was introduced in 1973. Marty Cooper is credited as being the inventor, the visionary who saw the need for mobile communications. But the wheels had already started rolling at least a decade prior, because the Dallas Police Department already had dictaphones for squad car and motorcycle cops when John F. Kennedy was assassinated in 1963. They relied on a cellular network much like that which we have today, albeit with much less clarity.

It’s just that it took a long time for this product to diffuse, primarily because of cost. They required development of an entirely new infrastructure, one which we are still trying to complete. I laugh at T-Mobile’s ads that say they have 99% of all Americans covered. Right. If they all stay home. The ad says nothing about how much (or how little) geography they have covered, which we have all discovered whenever we fall off the grid out west.



But now Mr. Cooper, still a visionary, predicts a future in which we will all have cell phones implanted under our skin. Cue the Biblical prophesies of end times and all that once more. It’s one thing to envision using our palm print to buy at an Amazon store. It’s quite another to imagine our iPhone embedded in our body.

It’s not like others haven’t already tried to go down this road, but it was with wearables. Google Glass was a well-intended but poorly deployed set of eyewear that could function much like a smartphone. It landed with a $1500 thud in 2013. More recently, there is the collab between Meta and Ray-Ban that has yielded similar glasses.

But wearables have always been more about the hype than the hope for a better user experience. They still have a long way to go, which may have served as impetus for Mr. Cooper to picture a phone that was not just on our body, but also in it.



Of course, this leaves a lot of other unanswered questions, because without a visual aspect, it just becomes another Alexa device. We need screens somewhere, which necessarily involves a handheld device, or perhaps holograms that are projected before our eyes. Now it’s time to cue the crashes and missteps.



And how might we issue orders? By merely thinking of them? Or would we have to actually say something, kind of like we do with our digital assistants today? And if we are texting to someone, would we similarly have to enunciate it and rely on voice dictation—which can be dangerous—to get the job done?

Now imagine the ability to merely “think” something into action. Or being able to instruct the computer that is inside your head to access ChatGPT and have it compose an essay while you are finishing an in-class exam. Of course, you’d have to be able to download it somehow, but those are mere details. And consider social media. We might be able to post content, as well as click the Like and Heart icons without ever tapping a finger. The possibilities are limitless.



By now you have probably detected that I am poking a little fun at this notion. Truthfully, I consider it just a bit absurd. Well, I once thought the same of the first iPhone, but a year later I drank the Kool-Aid. I have guzzled it ever since, and I bet I could just as easily drink from this fountain as well. I think Mr. Cooper’s idea needs some fine-tuning and then selling. It could take a few years, maybe decades.

Just like the first cell phones needed a quarter of a century before they took off. Innovations can be like that. Gen-Z can say they were at least here for the beginning of the conversation of the embedded phone, but there may be a couple more generations down the road before one emerges that can lay claim to having lived their entire lives with it.



And now I am left trying to figure out what my generation can claim as ours. I’m thinking color television and microwave ovens. They’re not much, but they were a start, and we embraced them. You’re welcome.

Dr “We Were Simple Like That“ Gerlich

Audio Blog

[maolong]

When working in retail, this statement was so obviously true that it hurt. I'm trans and autistic, but also white. If someone was being an ass to me over one of those things I could weaponize my whiteness in order to get them to back down and I will fully admit that I did that pretty much every day that I worked there. We still got a lot of bigots in, and pretty much everyone had more then a few customers who hated them. But the ones who got the worst of it were always the people who weren't white. One of my coworkers at the time was a highschooler that wasn't white, not sure what race she was in specific but what really matters for it is more so how many people treated her worse. She got more sexual harrasement then any other women I worked with, and it ended up getting to the point that she had a guy that would litteraly come in here and try specifically to harrass her so badly that we tried to get him banned from the store for it. He was not banned, but a black guy who did far less then him was. We had a ton of disabled customers, though usually the same twenty or so once a week or so and all the white ones got treated fine, but I had a supervisor step in and tell me to stop helping a black disabled man because we 'didn't have what he was looking for.' If a women was having problems you can bet your ass hat the white women got reated better then anyone of a different skin tone, with a number of them having such bad experiences that they refused to come again with the managers refusing to do anything about it at that point when I'd seen them do their best to solve the issues for white women with the exact same issue. This was a repeating pattern for basically everything listed here, and it was to the point where even if working in retail wasn't hell already then the customers and management were trying to create their own personal hells for people who weren't white. It was litteraly to the point where I was getting less then a hundreth of the shit that one of the black girls I worked with would be getting up front, even when I was being directly antagonistic to customers and I was able to get away with it as well when there is no way in hell that she would have been able to. Being white not just made things easier, it made things easier to such an insane degree that the idea that being blind and deaf wouldn't have been an excuse to not see it happening.

i dont think whites understand how being white makes literally everything easier.

it effects everything.

being trans is easier when youre white.

being gay is easier when youre white.

being disabled is easier when youre white.

being a woman is easier when youre white.

being autistic is easier when youre white.

oppression is eased when you are white, as you get extra privileges, and your whiteness is seen as a positive characteristic that in some ways counter-balances your other forms of being a minority. whiteness controls everything.

you are automatically way more innocent in your own oppression as a gay, trans, disabled person because of your whiteness.

never forget this.

[24todaynews-press]

Justin Woll Review: Legit Internet Marketing Guru

This Justin Woll review has been throughly researched with information and testimonials that are available online to anyone in the public. Any conclusions drawn by myself are opinions.

I bet you’ve already heard of Justin Woll’s Beyond Six Figures course. This self-proclaimed guru targets aspiring marketers to start and scale their money-spinning eCommerce store.

Honestly, almost all internet marketing experts and influencers sell their experience as fish bait to a 6-figure income stream!

Their convincing words would surely intrigue your financial desires. As a result, you fall on it without a shadow of a doubt.

So better yet, ask yourself…

Is this money-making scheme legit? Could he really transform my business to generate sales, or was everything just a sort of scam?

I’m here to help! I’m about to unlock the truths about Justin Woll.

Justin Woll’s Beyond Six Figures is pretty much your standard dropshipping course.

If you’ve followed my blog for long, you know that I don’t like dropshipping as a business model for a few different reasons.

That being said, it IS possible to make money with it, so I want to give you an honest review of this particular program.

But first, let me clear the air on one important thing:

Dropshipping has never been – and will never be – a passive, recurring business. No matter what the guru might tell you, it requires constant work.

I’m telling you this from my own personal experience running several dropshipping stores on both Shopify AND Clickfunnels.

If you’re looking for a business that you’ll need to be super active in, dropshipping might be for you.

If you want to make money while you sleep and travel the world, dropshipping just isn’t it.

The main reason?

To have real success with dropshipping, you need a bulletproof system for finding the hottest new products before anyone else.

In the very best case scenario, you have a relationship with your supplier, where they give you a heads up on products that are about to pop. These relationships don’t typically come around until you’ve done 6-figures in business with the supplier.

In the worst case scenario, you’re testing a bunch of products with ads, losing money until you find that one winner.

I’m not saying dropshipping is a bad idea based on that alone… most businesses require you to lose money before you actually make money, so it’s somewhat normal.

But let’s assume you DO in fact have the next fidget-spinner craze product, months before anyone else knows about it…

That’s great! But now you’re gonna need to get people to buy it.

Again, some people thrive on that and love it. So if you’re looking for that level of constant testing and gambling, it might be a good fit.

It’s also worth calling out that Facebook has a track record of banning you FOR LIFE from advertising on their platform for dropshipping.

Think about it: it ruins a user’s experience with Facebook when a product shows up 45 days after they’ve ordered it, and is nothing like the product they thought they were buying.

So Facebook would rather ban you from their platform than risk a bad user experience.

Suffice to say, it’s a lot of stress for not-a lot of payback.

As someone that actually ran a dropshipping business, I can tell you from personal experience that your time can be better spent with other business models.

[more-than-a-princess]

🐣What were you like as a kid? Allegedly? Has anything changed, and have people noticed?

In Depth and Personal Munday Meme - Accepting!

My favorite places as a child were quiet, full of books and/or dolls, and somewhere I could wear a pretty dress, eat sweets, and read to my dolls or stuffed animals. I'm an only child and have parents with busy careers, so I was left on my own (middle school and up) or with a sitter or nanny quite often. I had trouble making friends and relating to other kids as I was constantly surrounded by adults whom I could reason with: I'm pretty sure part of the reason why I was bullied so much was that I attempted to reason with other kids the way I did with adults (or tried to) and couldn't understand why they just teased me instead. I begged to be homeschooled but my parents said no and sent me to private school hell instead. I think the only time I really liked going to school for something more than my favorite classes was university.

That said, my favorite things in life were the bookstore and/or library, Scholastic Book Fair (I was that kid who ordered whatever I wanted off the book list and needed help carrying the bags to my parents' cars), the Disney Store (beeline for the stuffed animal tower and the TV playing film/song clips usually, if I wasn't distracted by dolls), and whenever I got new Barbies or American Girl dolls. I actually preferred AG more: the fact they came with books and girls from historical eras was the coolest thing to me! Those dolls and my cats at the time got to hear a lot of me trying to read aloud as much as I could.

I wasn't very athletic so sports teams were out of the question most of the time (I lifted weights instead starting in middle school in lieu of a school team due to how badly I was bullied. It just wasn't a great idea for my mental health to keep me around those kids longer than I needed to be), and I wasn't allowed video games until high school (right around when I'd sent my college applications) because my parents were convinced that if I played video games, I'd never get into a good university. This is a big reason why I never became much of a gamer! I didn't grow up with the hand-eye coordination practice with consoles and controllers many kids did. I also didn't get cable TV until the end of middle school: things like Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel were luxuries for me, ones I only got to indulge in at other family members' houses.

I think the funniest bit of it all is how I went from very much a dress-loving, pink-adorning, dress-wearing child to a teenager, constantly sullen, dressed in black/Hot Topic/early Torrid attire with the goth-iest high school senior photoshoot...and right back to a woman who adores dresses, classic colors, neutrals, and pastels, and just feels better about her day when pulling a dress and favorite pair of shoes/bag out of her closet, just to go to a cafe and shopping/a bookstore. My parents have definitely noticed this and are having the last laugh at middle/high school-era Rae, who would only wear wide leg JNCO style trousers with so many ripped holes at the bottom, bondage pants/skirts, anime/geek t-shirts, fancy dresses from The Pyramid Collection (I had a wicca phase) and the darkest red lipstick that wasn't black but still broke the school dress code so the administration made me wash it off each morning (despite me swatching it on my hand and showing them no, it wasn't black: black lipstick was banned, like jeans, miniskirts, tanktops, and anything featuring 'gang' logos or relating to Eminem or Nelly. Honestly, besides the jeans, good move school!)...is now a far more cheerful and content person, who has embraced color, dresses, bows, etc. once again.

tl;dr - my teenage years were awful, do not want to revisit no matter how much my high school keeps insisting I should show up for my 20-year reunion.

In a more nerdy sense, I'm realizing that in my late thirties with more disposable income, I can finally wear all the costumes I wanted to do as a teenage cosplayer but didn't have the funds to do so. I am doing or rewearing so many old school costumes in 2024, and upgrading some outfits I already love with higher-quality pieces.

[hubbardhead]

   Seven and Seven or Southern Comfort and Coke were the drinks of choice that night. The music was loud and the party goers were rowdy. The polished oak dining room floor vibrated as friends danced to the rhythm of Chicago Transit Authority, known later as merely Chicago. There were more than 60 people releasing their anxiety and frustration from being prisoners in their own home for over seven days. The Commonwealth had implemented a travel ban in order that the state could clean up from the worst blizzard in a century that started almost a week ago and most of our neighbors just needed a reason to participate in something, anything at this point. We didn’t really expect many to show, seeing as how they would have to walk or break the law and drive to our home, so we invited many, 64 to be exact. To our surprise every one of them came. Fortunately, my two sons and I pulled a sled through the snow to the only store that was open over two miles away and placed bags of food on the sled for the party that night. There were no cars to be seen and we pulled the sled home in the middle of streets still covered with snow.  The blizzard of 1978 was the omen of inexplicable events that transpired later that same year. It was the year when five lives where abruptly altered, then and forever.   

    Today, 45 years later I was inadvertently associated with a previous life, an association that has troubled and confused me. The visit to the same room where friends were dancing is now empty and cold, devoid of any living being, an empty coffer of past events. The large 2X12 fir beams that I carefully applied covering to is still vertically standing and holding all the shelves that I had made. Gone is the music, the AR amplifier and speakers. A large television screen is inappropriately hiding where there was a turntable and records. There are no lights inside the shelving and the indirect lighting from the ceiling cast a dreary ambiance to what was an active and animated wall many years before. I had trouble taking my eyes away from this. I thought of all things that may or may not have happened here that I was never aware of. Were the years of my absence void of the joy so vibrant of the time when I was a part of this home? I hoped not.

   I married the girl that was the most vivacious person in our high school class in 1963, so voted by her classmates, myself included. We bought a home in 1964. That girl has lived at that home until a few weeks ago. No one lives there now and she will never be able to go back to that home again. Suffering now from an insidious disease that propels her from hospital to rehabilitation centers and then back to hospitals in a redundant circle of confusion for all involved. I would love to think that the life she knew for 45 years without me, in the home that she loved, was happy for her and that many happy memories still live with her. I am very sad for the troubled life that has to be endured by, at one time, the most vivacious woman I ever knew.   

[ewmagines]

Could I ask what date nights are like with the main four?

ooooh i’m in my element here -mod matt

edd

-always comes up with the most extravagant date plans possible

-would love to take you anywhere and everywhere. if an outing could conceivably be called a date then edd has fantasized about it with you

-(spoiler alert: like 90% of the time you wind up just cuddling on the couch anyway)

-not really the type to dress up for dates; might put a clip-on bowtie on his hoodie as a joke

-the chill dates are probably the best just because anything outside of the house and there’s a nonzero chance somebody will wind up in the hospital. honestly this is true of all four of them

matt

-public dates. restaurants, malls, taking you to the fair. he wants to show you off

-(on a more selfish note he wants people to look at him and say “wow, that guy is on a date!”)

-by this logic, he’s the type of guy to always have an arm wrapped around you or his hand in yours while you’re out

-overdresses for dates. like, three piece suit for a casual walk in the park overdressed

-that doesn’t exactly mean he looks… good, though. like he’s THIS close to looking like jon arbuckle in all those garfield strips where he wears the tacky clashing patterns for dates

tom

-sitting in his room together while he tunes susan and you play on your phone is a date right

-he really does prefer chill dates. like, throwing on a movie and then not paying any attention to it in favor of talking to you but still calling it a movie date

-he likes the idea of getting some food delivered during one of these dates but hates the idea of paying for it, but has just enough sense to not ask you to pay for it. so he’s always like *sighhh* i would love to order a takeout right now… *does nothing*

-for dates outside the house, he still prefers things chill and secluded. like, sitting outside together

tord

-in stark contrast to tom, movie dates with tord are a dangerous game because he’s going to pay more attention to the movie than to you. nothing against you i promise

-sort of like matt, tord likes showing you off on public dates, but for him it’s more about being possessive of you

-i promise i’m going to make points about tord that aren’t relative to the other guys points

-ykw i think the 2016 era boyfriend quizzes are right about this tord would take you on a date to a gun store or a shooting range. he genuinely thinks it’s romantic and if you’re confused he doesn’t notice

-“don’t worry babe i’ll cover it *opens wallet* ….next time i mean” doesnt have the heart to make you pay so he just books it. you’re banned from like four different restaurants for dining and dashing at this point

[shimmerbeasts]

The Grey had gotten the chance to dissipate after Jinx's stunt with the ventilation system. However, even with most of the obnoxious gasses gone, the air still carried a sharp metallic tang to itself. With each breath, Vi took, she caught the scent of oil and soot. Grime plastered itself on the walls of houses and the light fought its way through a cloud of haze and mist. It created fleeting shadows, which distorted and shuddered like uneven scribbles.

Streaks of red covered parts of the street. Camille's stride distorted some of those puddles, revealing that the blood was fresh occasionally. Vi's stomach twisted. She did not wonder for the first time whether or not Caitlyn had made a mistake when she, they had used the Grey to flush Jinx out. Vi should have known that this was not going to work. Even though the danger of the Grey had been banned from the streets, it did not mean that Zaun was safe. Far from it. If you had weathered multiple Sickly Months, was it such a surprise that you could also weather the Grey better than most.

"Huh?", Vi made when Camille addressed her in that cold and absolute voice with this melody, which was supposed to mimic emotions, but all, it made the Zaunite think was how much she would love to screw over Camille's voice box. If she had one. "We've been over this, Madam, haven't we?", she remarked with a hint of annoyance as she picked up pace to catch up with Camille, "I know my job. No need to repeat it."

They stopped in the shadow of a small run-down building. More a hut really than a house. It had two stores and a slightly tilted roof. The windows were dark, yet Vi's fine nose could pick up the smell of people behind the door. Her ears twitched ever so slightly, even though muscles restricted the motion. The low gait of someone's step.

"Saviours?" Vi's lips curled upwards to reveal a row of fangs. She spat on the floor. "Yeah, don't make me laugh, Camille. I may wish for many things, but I am not that delusional." She gave a low chuckle. Vi flexed her fingers, hearing the Atlas gauntlets creak and shift. "Though I would not call myself a paragon of order or law. Certainly not that of a Piltie." The Undercity had its own ways of establishing law and order. It just was not a very clean way and had a lot of casualties. Not that Piltover was any better. But Camille would not listen to that. She never listened.

Hearing the order, Vi softly exhaled and rose the Atlas gauntlets as her expression steeled itself. Pink emerged with such ease that the transition was not even felt by the Zaunite. Locking eyes with the door, Pink wired up one of the gauntlets. As the needle on the pressure valve trembled in the red half, she suddenly released the tension and came shooting forward, balled fist outstretched.

Pink crashed through the locked door with all the force of a tiger, pouncing upon a stalked stag. Wood splinters and chunks exploded around her and rained down on the floor. Green eyes darted around, taking in the scene, she had barged into. Ten men in battered suits, sleek top hats and with varying metal extensions instead of limbs were standing around a table in the middle of an argument. Upon noticing Vi, one of them pointed at her and yelled: "Get her!"

The goons sprang to their feet and brandished their weapons. Crude firearms, knives and needles attached to their prosthetics. They came swarming towards Pink. The magenta-haired Zaunite released a roar, swung the gauntlets and readied herself to meet them heads-on.

The air was heavy with the metallic tang of oil and soot as Camille led Vi through the winding alleys of Zaun. The dim lights filtered over the veil of pollution, casting ghostly hues on the walls stained with years of grime. Camille’s expression was as sharp and unyielding as her blades as she strides, each step a strike of authority. She knew that searching for Jinx now, hidden behind layers of chaos and fiercely loyal acolytes, would be nothing but folly.

No, today was not for elusive phantoms.

Today was for control, power, and precision — the kind that only the Ferros could deliver.

“You know your part, child.” Camille’s voice cut through the silence, cold and absolute.

The last mission had left its scars — not just on Vi but on Camille’s reputation. The factory compound that had crumbled, the mark that had slipped through their grasp — it had placed too many eyes on Clan Ferros, eyes that questioned their strength. They needed a demonstration, a message.

And it would be delivered with calculated brutality.

Their target was simple but significant: a gang hideout that once thrived under the rule of the Chem Baron Smeech. Now, with Smeech’s mysterious disappearance, his former underlings had descended into violent infighting, each trying to claw their way to dominance. It was an opportunity, and Camille seized it. The task was straightforward — swoop in, obliterate the gangs, and raze their warehouse to the ground. It was the kind of task that even Vi could execute. It had to be.

“We’re not here to play saviour,” Camille continued, eyes locked ahead as they approached their entry point. “We are here to remind them who holds the true power. Law, progress and order — we embody them. Not the rabble-rousers, and certainly not that Noxian filth that dare to meddle.”

"I chose this mission especially for you." She spared a glance back at Vi, her expression softened by a sliver of something almost maternal. Almost.

This was, of course, more than an example-making show — this was a test. A demonstration. And it was better for Vi to not fail her again.

"We begin now.” Camille tilted her head toward a shadowed entrance nestled in a narrow alleyway, the subtle motion commanding Vi to move forward.

She reached for her tactical hook — a grappling device seamlessly integrated into her hip mechanism. With a precise flick, the hook shot out, latching onto the building’s ledge above.

A quiet whir followed as she was propelled upwards, her form slicing through the air with mechanical grace. Landing silently atop the roof, she adjusted her stance and scanned for her own point of entry, prepared to infiltrate from above.

This mission would be swift and without flaw; of that, she would make certain.