#if he had the right people around him maybe he would've turned out okay eventually. but it didnt happen. she never met willas but sometimes

[imaginarianisms]

1 day i will make a meta of sansa's dynamic with her metaphorical champions/suitors & how that correlates to the ashford theory (i.e sansa being betrothed to joffrey baratheon, then promised to willas tyrell, then being married to tyrion lannister, then being married to harry hardying then married to aegon vi targaryen & aurane velaryon but it is not this day. lmao. when i make that meta it'll be so over for y'all.

[justlemmeadoreyou]

love, love, love your work.

could you maybe write a piece where it's harry that's a bit insecure because the reader wants to keep their relationship very private and not tell people about it?

and i love love love you!! thank you for reading my work and sending this request! ❤️

Insecure

pairing: boyfriend!harry x reader

word count: 2.1k

warnings: kissing, fluff, a bit of dirty talk

my masterlist! | ask box

"Just 10 more minutes, please, H?" you pouted, snaking your arms tightly around his chest, to try and keep him in bed. Unfortunately, he had an interview to go to.

"Y/n, baby, you know I have to leave soon. And I haven't even taken a bath."

"So leave without taking a bath. You smell so good anyways" you slid up and kissed his pecs, looking up at him with doe eyes.

"That's it. I'm getting out." he gently picked up your arms and kept it on the bedding beneath, and quickly jumped off the bed.

"Nooo" you whined, and crossed your arms over your chest.

"Okay. If I hadn't gotten out, you would've found another way to make me stay." He bent over and picked up his clothes, strewn across the floor from the night before.

"Nice ass" you remarked, making one last attempt at making him stay.

"Not gonna work" he replied, and finally picking up his clothes. He made his way to the bathroom, and closed the door.

You sighed, and slumped back on the bed, pulling the blanket to cover your body, you closed your eyes, waiting for him to come back.

He came back about half an hour later, and you'd already fallen back to sleep. With a towel wrapped around his waist, he slowly made his way over to your sleeping form, and climbed on the bed. He leaned over, and shook his wet hair over your face.

The tiny water droplets showered on your face, and you immediately pushed him away, and he fell on the bed. He started to laugh hysterically, holding his stomach.

"Not funny" you said, wiping off the water. Giving him an angry look, you turned to the other side.

"Hey, I was just playing."

"Sure you were"

"So listen, how about we go to dinner after I come back? You be ready and I'll pick you up?"

"Oh…"

"Think about it, text me before 4. We'll go to that fancy italian place y’like.”

“But-there'll be paparazzi, right?”

“Yeah. Obviously” he chuckled “So?”

“I don’t know, Harry, it’s just–I don’t want people to know yet, like, officially.”

He frowned, his heart sinking a bit.”But there's already pictures of us outside the gym from last week-and that actually means something, right? And, we both wear promise rings. One close up and they’ll figure it out” he said, pulling up his pants he had laid out the night before.

“Yeah, but that’s kinda–different? I don't know. Going to gym together dosen’t really do what going to dinner together does. Please, Harry?”

“Mmm, okay.” he buttoned up his shirt, and pulled on a loose cardigan, and went into the closet to choose footwear.

“So, that would mean I have to say I’m single when they ask me that today?”

You thought, and felt a bit sad. You wanted to go to the tallest building in the world and yell, “I’m dating Harry Styles, bitches!”. But, you couldn’t. At least, not yet.

“Yes?” you murmured, hoping Harry would hear. You also hoped he wouldn’t be sad, or feel bad.

“Yeah, alright.” He walked out wearing white vans, that complemented his blue jeans.

“How do I look?”

“Great” you replied.

“Quick, give me a hug and a kiss before I leave” he walked to the corner of the bed, while you peeled yourself off, and walked on your knees to the edge, the blanket still draped over your body.

He leaned down and kissed you, and you snaked his arms around his neck. He pulled away quickly, and put your back down. He smiled, turning back and waving at you as he left.

As soon as he got out of the room, his sile turned into a frown. He sighed, as the guilt and sadness took over him. Why did you not want anyone to know? Like, both of your friends knew, and people would find out eventually, but still.

Why?

He respected your decision, and would never go against it. He wouldn’t tell people till you were ready. But, what if you won’t be ready? Ever?

Taking his shades and keys, he left the house.

. . .

The interview went great, as he had expected. Better, actually. Whenever he was asked a question about a significant other, he brushed it off charmingly, and thankfully, they didn’t ask any more nosy or follow up questions. He loved interviewers like that.

On his drive back to his shared home with his “girlfriend”, his mind was clouded with thoughts. Why did you not want anyone to know? Were you ashamed? Did you not want your family to know, so they wouldn’t judge you? Maybe your parents didn’t approve you dating a famous person? Maybe you didn’t want to be seen with him like that? Was he that bad?

These things, and some much worse clouded his mind, against his better judgement. Harry wasn’t perfect per-se, but he tried. He knew he could be a bit too much at times, but he worked on that.

Turning over to the last turn towards your house, he took deep breaths, and wiped a few tears off his cheek with the back of his cardigan. He stayed in the car for a few minutes, to let the rednes in his eyes and sadness on his face fade away.

Walking up the path to the main door, he didn’t want to go inside. If you didn’t want to be seen with him, why were you even with him in the first place?

He rung the doorbell, and felt the patter of feet of you making your way to the dor. The door clicked open, and then there you were, with a the soft, glowy face and a lovely smile, holding a spatula. he took a step in, and leaned in to kiss you. You held his neck with the other hand and kissed him back. He snuck an arm around your waist, as the other one closed the door shut behind him.

The kiss wan’t just a quick peck, and you wanted more. Your hand travelled up from his neck to his hair, gently tugging at it. Harry released a filthy moan into your hot mouth, and that was it for both of you. You dropped the spatula on the floor and held onto his shoulders, as he gripped your hips and lifted your up. Your legs wrapped around his waist, he made his way to your bedroom.

“You smell so fucking good” you said, peppering kisses over his cheek. Travelling down to his neck, where you bit his earlobe and kissed his neck. Harry was getting impatient, and he quickly jogged the last few steps, finally reaching your bedroom.

He went straight to your shared bed, throwing you into the centre. You fell with a soft thud, your hair bouncing and framing your little face perfectly. He climbed on the bed too, hovering over your body. Your lips intertwined again, but this time, it was hot tongues and moans into each other's mouths.

Harry wrapped his hand around your throat, and pushed you down. His tongue made its way into your mouth, tasting you. You moaned, as his tongue glided with yours. You had been impatient since the morning, and he was finally giving you what you wanted,

His hand travelled down, pulling the loose string of your sweats. You lifted your hips up, and he slid them off your legs, throwing them away. He was still so much fully dressed, and you wanted to get him naked. Touch his chest and pepper kisses all over it.

You pushed him off to the side, and quickly climbed on him, perching your hips on his waist. You could see his jeans thickening, and you pulled off the cardigan, throwing it on the bed.

Harry wanted to do this. To have sex with you. Eat you out. But, his mind wasn’t letting him. He still kept thinking everything he was while driving, and if he didn’t talk to you about it soon, he would go mad.

He grabbed your wrists when you tried to unbutton his shirt. He sat up, holding your waist so you wouldn’t topple over. Your eyes widened at the sudden halt, and you gave him a confused look.

“H-what–?”

“Can we talk?”

“Right now?” you saw the look on his face. He looked desperate, and…sad. “Okay. What happened? Tell me.” you held his hand in yours, gently kissing his knuckles.

“It’s just–I keep thinking about why you-you don’t want to tell everyone we are dating. It’s driving me mad. Is it me? Am I not worth telling everybody? Is there something wrong with me?”

Your heart broke into a million pieces when he said that. He looked so sad and broken, because of you.

“What? No! Jesus! Harry, why would you even think tha?”

“I’m sorry. This-nobody has ever asked me to keep our relationship a secret and I–I can’t just stomach it. I need to know why?”

“Hey, don’t apologise. Alright? It’s not your fault. “

“Then why?”

“Ok. Here it goes. The reason why I don’t want to tell everyone yet is because-It’s probably stupid.” you slumped, now feeling embarrassed at your reason for all this.

“No, it’s not. Tell me.”

“It’s me. I just think that I can’t compare to anyone–literally anyone you’ve dated before, and it makes me really sad. And when everyone–your fans, your family–they find out, they will think low of me, and that you are probably doing me a favour by dating me. And I know it’s hella stupid, but I am not ready for all the judgement and comments and paps and–”

“Hey! It’s okay. Don’t panic. And I get you, okay. Dating someone like me can be a bit…overwhelming? at times. I am so used to everything that I just don’t realise that you could feel burdened by everthing. And I know how my fans can get sometimes. I love them, more than anything in the world. It’s just–they get defensive and often judge-y of the person I date.”

“I know! And I’m sorry if I made you feel bad about yourself.”

“No, it’s okay. I just wished you could’ve talked to me about it sooner. And hey, don’t ever feel like you’re not enough. There’s a reason why I’m not dating anyone else but you. I love you and I want to be with you. And don’t worry about my family. They are great people. They don’t judge the people I date. They are really, really good people.” he lifted your hands with his, kissing your hand and knuckles, like you had kissed his.

Your eyes were wide, and your mouth fell open. It was the first time he had said I love you.

“What–happened?” he asked, a bit concerned.

“You–you love me?” you replied, eyes welling up with tears.

Now, his face mirrored yours.

“I–I don’t-I didn’t–You don’t have to say it back.”

“Of course I do. I love you too, H.” a tear rolled down your eyes, and you quickly got up and kissed him.

He kissed you back, wiping the tear off your cheek.

“I love you so much. So, so much.” you told him, kissing both his cheeks.

“I love you too, baby. And we don’t have to tell people if you don’t want to. We will, whenever you are ready.”

“Thank you. You are the best. I don’t deserve you” you turned, sitting down on his lap.

“Sure you do. Now, what are we eating tonight? I’m hungry.”

“I made pasta. The spatula—I threw it on the door” you laughed, and he started to laugh with you.

“God.” he shook his head, and you looked up at him.

“C’mon, get up. I need to freshen up.”

“But this–” you looked down between your thighs, where your panties had soaked through from your activities earlier.

“What? Oh! My baby got wet, didn’t she?” you nodded, looking at him with doe eyes, hoping he’ll do something.

“Well, you’ll have to wait till after dinner. Then, I’ll carry you back here like I did before. Lay you down sweetly on the bed. Then spread those pretty thighs of yours, and eat your pretty pussy out. Till you’re begging me to stop. The, I’ll fuck you, and make you look into my eyes, while I tell you how perfect you are. And I that I love you, every time you come around my cock.”

You pressed your thighs together, while he described everything he was going to do to you.

“You’re not helping”

“Wasn’t planning on, love”

. . .

might do a part 2!! 😚

if you like it, please like and reblog!! any feedback is much, much appreciated!!

taglist:

@freedomfireflies @gurugirl @thechaoticjoy @styleslover-1994 @gem1712 @ellaorchard @bxbyysstuff @opheliaofficial07 @rafaaoli @tchlamqtsgf @the-mouse27 @indierockgirrlrl @vrittivsanghavi @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @drewrry

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[ash5monster01]

Learning to Love Part 9

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x FemReader!PlusSize

Warnings: 18+, langauge, angst, fluff, mentions of bullying, body image issues, fat shaming, fake relationship, eventual smut, minor enemies to lovers trope.

Summary: It's not uncommon for you to be shamed for your size, it is however uncommon to be told that no one would ever date you because of it. Rafe on the other hand is used to being called a jerk, that is until he is accused of seeing people for only what's on the surface. It's purely coicidental you two meet right after these accusations are thrown your way. So even though you two don't know each other, and probably never would've looked the others way before this, now you're both going to prove a point. It's simple really, prove others wrong and don't fall in love. Easier said than done.

word count: 2.3k

Part 8 ←→ Part 10

Masterlist

You’re not entirely sure where you are when consciousness reaches you. All you know is your head is pounding, there’s a hand around your waist, and your phone is louder than it has ever been. Blindly reaching for it you find the object vibrating against the night stand before grabbing it and pulling it to your ear.

“Hello?” you groan out, your voice sounding too loud even.

“Where are you? The bar is opening in twenty minutes and Randy has the day off. It’s a Sunday, I cannot work this shift without you” Mila’s words sober you up in an instant and you shoot up in the bed, the hand on your waist falling off.

“Shit, okay I’m on my way” you tell her before hanging up. That’s when you realize you’re naked. Bare as the day you were born and it has your head swiveling to spot the just as naked man beside you.

“Fuck” you whisper out and quickly rush to grab your things. Rafe doesn’t even flinch which proves he was just as drunk as you. Only bits and pieces of the night was still there but if you had to guess, you had sex with Rafe.

You stumble into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door before turning the shower on. You look like hangover and smell like sex, and were definitely going to be late for work. So you shower in record time, using majority of the tiny shampoo and conditioner the hotel provided. You accept your hair will be a mess when the comb provided barely pulls through your wet hair. It’s then you realize you have to pull your dress on from last night and embark on the walk of shame once again.

“Rafe, I have to go” you poke the boy after you’re dressed. He’s laid in bed but he doesn’t even react to your touch. Shoving him a few more times you plead. “I’m going to be late for work”

A low groan came from his mouth before rolling over and revealing his bare ass to you. You gasp out and turn away, accepting he wasn’t going to be moving anytime soon. So you grab your purse and order the uber you remember wanting last night. Once in the lobby you see your ride already waiting and rush to it before people can recognize you’re wearing what you had on the night before.

Sighing it’s not long until you pull up to the bar that is just about to open for lunch hours. Before any customers can arrive you rush in to find Mila working feverishly behind the bar to set up today’s workload. She barely realizes you’re there until you step behind the bar and go to enter the kitchen and find your office.

“Maybe we should start packing overnight bags for work parties” she teases and you rolls your eyes, in search of coffee and food.

“What’s the fun in that?” you tell her before slipping into the kitchen and ignoring the looks your employees gave you. Once locked in your office you find the spare set of work clothes packed away and quickly change. When you swing your door back open, Eddie the head chef is standing in front of it with coffee and a bagel.

“You might need this” he says and you take it with a smile, thanking him, even though you are now morbidly embarrassed for doing the walk of shame in front of people you had to lead.

“Gonna tell me about last night?” Mila asks once you’re back behind the bar, a quarter of the bagel already stuffed in your mouth.

“If I can remember it, sure” and she gasps at you and that’s when you’re hit with the memory of the elevator ride. Rafe’s hands on your hips and how he had squeezed your ass. Mila watches as realization crosses your face. “Oh God”

“Okay, now you have to tell me” she says and more floods back, him pulling you into the room. How he had undressed you and how good his hands and mouth had felt all over you. How you had pulled his pants down so eagerly. How he had his head inbetween your legs.

“Damnit, we had sex” and Mila doesn’t understand your disappointment before letting out a squeal and jumping up and down like a school girl.

“This is so great!” she squeaks, coming to squeeze your arms but then she catches the forlorn look painted on your face.

“Mila I barely remember it and on top of that what if he didn’t like it and I was too drunk to notice” you pout and she rolls her eyes before crossing her arms.

“Of course he liked it, I mean what did he say this morning” and you give her a sheepish look that has her gasping out loud.

“You snuck out on him!” she gives your arm a quick whack and you yelp before holding where she hit you.

“It wasn’t like that, you called freaking out and I couldn’t get him to wake up. I was already running late so I just called an uber and sent him a text explaining why” Mila was burying her face in her hands and groaning at her silly best friend. She didn’t care if she was late if it meant her best friend was finally comfortable enough to be with another man.

“That don’t matter, you snuck out after he slept with you. Now he thinks you regret it” Mila tells you and the realization dawns on you. You did sneak out like he was just some one night stand which is so not true.

“Fuck” you groan before leaning on the counter and dropping your head into your arms. You had been in love with Rafe this entire time and you always thought he’d be the one to screw it up. Not you.

“Listen, don’t lose all hope. I’ll see if Randy can come in and you just go and see him” Mila says as she pulls out her phone to already text Randy and beg him to come in on his day off. He would more than likely say yes, Mila had that kind of effect on people.

“I don’t know what to say to him. Hey glad we slept together, don’t take me sneaking out as I didn’t like it” you wished more than anything that you could tell her the truth right now. That it was never real, the relationship was fake and you were the one stupid enough to catch feelings and sleep with the guy. Any chance of keeping him for real was now long gone.

“No, just say you didn’t want to leave but had an emergency here. Once everything was covered you made sure to come back and see him” she says setting a reassuring hand on your back and you sigh.

“I don’t know why I just don’t think sometimes” you groan and she presses her lips together as she gives you a quick hug.

“It’s new to you, trusting someone like that. Just explain that to him” she says and you can only smile at your dearest friend, the one who has always been there for you. Loved you no matter your size.

“Thanks Mila” you tell her and she grins, squeezing you closer, and for once you realize that even if Rafe does break your heart at least you have the best friend in the world to help pick up the pieces.

It takes Randy only an hour to get to your shift and by then you’re in full panic mode. Rafe still hadn’t texted you back and to you that was a sign that he was mad. Whether it was about you sneaking out or the fact he slept with you, you weren’t sure. It was scary either way. Which is why you rush into his condo entrance in a rush.

“Miss Y/N, so glad to see you” the doorman Robert says to you. Rafe had made sure he knew who you were so you’d have no issues getting to his floor.

“Yeah you too Robert, hey do you know if Rafe is home?” you ask, a bit panicked, and knowing your eyes darting around the lobby made it look like something bad happened.

“I’m sorry hun but I haven’t seen him, figured he had a rough night at that party. That’s how it usually goes” he says and you somehow manage to crack a smile.

“That’s true, thanks Robert” you tell him and he nods as you rush back out of the condo complex and back to Mila’s car that she let you borrow. You know Rafe wasn’t still at the hotel, that wasn’t his style. So you set off in the direction of his work, knowing only he would find time to finish work on a Sunday.

Getting into Rafe’s building is much more difficult than the condo. Yet thankfully the woman at the front desk recognizes you and you assume only for being shocked to see you with Rafe in the first place. By the time you’re in the elevator you’re freaking out, unsure of what to say to him as you reach his now empty work floor. Heading towards his office you see his office has the door cracked open. Yet before you push it fully open, a familiar voice stops you.

“Can’t believe you’re still with that girl” you freeze against the door, heart thumping wildly. You lean forward to see those perfect long legs crossed and revealing too much thigh in the tight pencil skirt. If the voice wasn’t a dead giveaway, the blond hair sure as hell was. AJ.

“Come on AJ, she’s a sweet girl. You gotta know that by now” Rafe’s familiar voice envelopes you and your heart instantly slows. It’s in this moment you realize it wasn’t the alcohol that convinced you to trust him last night. You already did. He knew you, and you weren’t afraid anymore to let him see that.

“Well of course I do Rafe, that doesn’t change the fact she’s a big girl” yes you had judged AJ for her looks, because she was perfect. Yet with how nice she had been to you, you didn’t expect this.

“Well obviously AJ, she is a big girl but she’s got a big heart to match. It’s not always about the looks” Rafe’s defense has you calming down but it doesn’t change the fact you’re hearing a conversation you didn’t want to be apart of. Hearing how he didn’t find you attractive.

“But isn’t it? I mean you of all people would never date a big girl, hell based on the way you throw me around the bedroom I’m surprised you’re even still with her” and there’s the kicker, the pierce in your heart. Rafe was still sleeping with AJ. This whole time. Sneaking around with the perfect skinny blonde girl just to be able to deal spending time with you.

“Listen, I have never been attracted to big girls-” but you don’t want to hear anymore. You don’t want to hear about all the ways AJ was so much better than you and you had let Rafe sleep with you when all along he was sleeping with her. So as the silent tears stream down your face you rush away before you hear any of the vile things Rafe has to say. Thing was, you didn’t hear the best part.

“But I don’t know why! I mean AJ, she’s so beautiful. All of the time, and her laugh, it makes my heart flutter everytime. If I could make her laugh forever I would. I spent so long thinking there was this ideal standard of a girl to be with and up until now I realize that isn’t true. It’s not about looks. No one is truly beautiful until you love them for all the pieces that make them who they are. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love until now” Rafe is grinning by the time he’s done talking and AJ chuckles.

“Well would you look at that, Rafe’s gone all soft” and Rafe is rolling his eyes at one of his oldest friends. Someone he never truly loved like that either.

“I guess that’s just what happens when you meet the right one” Rafe tells her and AJ shrugs before sitting up.

“Well softie, don’t work too hard. It’s Sunday and I know that’s the tux you wore to the party last night. I’ll see you in the morning” AJ says as she uncrosses her legs and pushes the chair back. Rafe watches as she leaves the office and smiles with his mind still on you.

That’s when his phone finally buzzes to life on his desk, the charger connected to his computer finally providing power to text you back after this morning. He was a little hurt you weren’t there, but it was you. He knew you had good reason. Which is true when he is met with the text you had sent him this morning. Before he can respond though, another one comes through.

“What the fuck”

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[akutasoda]

Hallo halo!! If is okay could i request venti x reader one shot? Where venti and reader and a group playing truth or dare and someone dare reader to cuddle their crush or someone they want for the whole game and reader walk up to him shy and embarrassed yet hopeful waiting for his permission and what venti reactions when he found out reader choose him? (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

a game of confession

synopsis - a game of truth or dare forces you to make a confession

includes - venti

warnings - gn!reader, brief mentions of alcohol, fluff, maybe ooc, wc - 1k

it would've been a normal night at angels share, if not for the increased amount of people pouring into it. you had built a habit of visiting the tavern frequently to hang out with the usual trio of rosaria, kaeya, and venti - whether or not this was a good habit remained unclear to you, atleast you weren't there every night like they were. they were somewhat good friends of yours and most often, this would be the only time you could see all of them at the same time, however tonight it seemed to be busier than usual as you could see a couple of non-regular faces around.

as soon as you stepped through the door, rosaria turned to wave you down from across the tavern and encouraged you to hurry over. normally you'd sit next to the three of them on the stools beside the actual counter but seeing as a couple more people were joining, they had taken up a booth not to far from the usual spot. tonight it seemed like eula and lisa would be joing the four of you - kaeya was also insisting that he'd convinced diluc to join nearer to closing time but none of you really were all that convinced.

angels share itself seemed much more populated with practically every seat in the room being occupied, but even so barely a single one would pay attention to your booth - they were all too swept up in their own drinks and conversations to care. you might not have been the heaviest drinker out of the group but this time was rather special as it was pretty much the only time you could all let loose and talk much more freely than everyday greetings - arguably alcohol did make a few of your companions quite loose lipped.

as the evening progressed, more people stumbled out of the tavern, and easy chatter and laughs faded from your booth as lisa proudly declared she had an idea. you all looked at her waiting for her to explain what her great idea was and eventually she smiled and announced 'how about a game of truth or dare?'

kaeya let out a small laugh before responding 'why not? im in', he then proceeded to signal over to diluc to join but it was clear that diluc was ignoring him and his efforts.

rosaria nodded before taking another drink and eula agreed aswell, you decided that there was no harm and agreed soon after.

a mischievous giggle escaped the bard and he proclaimed 'sure, who's starting then?'

lisa made a vague gesture to point to herself which made sense since she had proposed the idea. then she went about looking at everyone at the booth before deciding on her first victim. a couple of rounds had gone past and all it really was, was just standard rather subpar dares and a few boring questions so lisa decided that perhaps it was time she picked up the pace when it next became her turn to pose a question.

she turned to you with a smirk which made you shiver more than you'd like to admit 'truth or dare', admittedly you'd rather pick truth as you were concerned that she might have a rather embarrassing dare lined up but you knew that she probably could embarrass you alot more with truth. it felt like picking the better of two evils really, but eventually you pushed down your slight fear and picked a dare.

'i dare you to cuddle your crush for the rest of this game, as something tells me they might be sat right here with us' her smirk became much more evil and you immediately regretted picking a dare. you had absolutely zero clue how she even found out, was it really that obvious?

you knew there was no way to get yourself out of this and so you decided to swallow your dread and stand up. you moved to the other side of the booth and shuffled past lisa and sat beside venti. you swore you'd never felt so embarrassed in your life, you needed to remember to get lisa back for this one.

yes ut was true that you did have a crush on the bard but you didn't want to cuddle him if he would be uncomfortable with it, so very hesitantly and awkwardly you asked 'would you mind if i.. uh.. cuddle you for the rest of the game'

venti stared at you in disbelief, making you feel slightly more embarrassed - now more concerned he was about to reject you. he was completely caught of guard and he felt himself practically freeze but he knew you, and everyone else, were waiting for an answer. and as a matter of fact, he wasn't opposed to it and was rather flattered that someone such as yourself had a crush on him.

the embarrassment was practically eating you up and you were about to stand back up and go back to your seat, and try to forget this happened, but venti smiled.

'i wouldn't mind at all'

taglist - @little-miss-chaoss, @frankiesteinn

[alldoll3dup]

Hii!! This is my first time doing this so I hope I'm doing it right 💀 If you're still available for requests, I was wondering if you could do headcanons or a one-shot (whichever you like more) for a gn or fem reader that's best friends with Velvet and Veneer and is also a famous singer?

If you need a little more inspiration, maybe they would've met at an award show or something similar. I feel like Veneer would be the first to become friends with the reader and then Velvet would become a little more approachable and friendly. Or maybe they were both fans of each other and became fast friends and eventually besties.

Or if you have your own ideas, write those instead! Whatever you choose to do, I'll be happy with! I love them so much and your previous writings have fueled my obsessed brain 😅

I hope you have a good day!! And thank you so much!! 💖

▐ Omg hey of course i can do it, thank you very much, your idea is really good and i will love to write it!

໑୧﹒★﹒Velvet and Veneer x famous!Reader - Headcanon's/one-shot ᰍ﹒∿

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 - You were a famous artist and at an award you met the famous twins Velvet and Veneer and maybe you three became best friends

𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 - Trolls

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 - FEM!Reader, swearing

★ ONE SHOT ★

- You were a famous artist, known for your addictive and amazing songs

- So because of your undeniable talent you were invited to an awards ceremony, you were very excited thinking about the artists you could meet there

- So the day of the big awards event finally arrived, you talked to several famous stars until you noticed a big commotion around two people

- They were the twins Velvet and Veneer, you admired them a lot and wondered if you would have the chance to talk to them

- A few minutes passed and you had to go straight to a stage with other artists and the twins were there too

- The awards started when it was your turn and you ended up bumping into Veneer (who almost fell in the ground )

"Oh my god sorry! WAIT You're Y/N?" - you looked at him a little confused

"Yes, it's me, I'm sorry for bumping into you" - You scratched your head in embarrassment, your first time talking to him was already a disaster

"I've already listened to your songs, they're A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, my sister didn't want me to talk to you because you're an 'adversary', but look, call this number when you're free, kay? Bye bye" - and then Veneer walked away normally and you were perplexed

- On stage you received some awards and lots of applause and when the event ended you were still thinking about what Veneer had said, did he liked your music? Unbelievable

- When you got home you called the number and it was Veneer's number, you and him talked for hours about many things

- You and Veneer became friends very fast so he asked you to go out together, you, him and Velvet, you just thought how unbelievable that was if that was a dream you didn't want to wake up

- Then the day came when you met again, Veneer immediately greeted you while Velvet looked at you with disdain and crossed arms.

"Y/N we have so much to talk about! Let's go"

"Ugh what a nonsense"

- When Veneer left your side for a while, Velvet immediately looked at you with disdain and held your face for you to look at her

“You may fool my foolish brother, but you won’t fool me, don’t try to draw attention to yourself, get out of my way.”

"No, it's nothing like that, I admire you two a lot, I didn't want to give you that impression"

- Then Veneer comes back with some random stuff and you feel a little embarrassed.

"Hey is something wrong going on Y/N?"

"No, it's fine..."

- You spend the rest of the day trying to please Velvet and Veneer, but Veneer doesn't quite understand your sudden change in mood

- At the end of the day you say goodbye and when you open your cell phone you are bombarded with messages from Veneer

★ Veneer Bestie

- Girl are you okay? You looked so uncomfortable

- Something happened?

- I'm going to hit whoever messed with you 😈

It's okay I just think your sister dont like me 😭 -

- She doesn't like anyone lMAO 💀💀💀

- Just wait a while, someday she will trust you

- So every day you became closer to them and one day Velvet finally gave in

"Lest do a feat with me, you and Veneer" - she said crossing her arms

"Oh my god???? Yes I thought you would never ask"

"First I'm not asking, I'm ordering, secondly, don't think we're friends, I just liked your voice a little"

- You released your first feat together and it literally blew up, you were the most talked about at the moment

- You were the trio of the moment!

★ HEADCANON'S ★

- You are always together at events, always laughing and gossiping about everyone around you

- Velvet is very cruel, but sometimes she treats you well, Veneer is super kind

- Velvet definitely posts a lot of photos of the three of you together

- Since you are their best friend, they are very supportive of your career as you are of theirs

- Did you post a new song? They disclose

- Did they post a new song? You disclose

- You three are literally the trio goal of most mount rageons

- When you're with Velvet you're are both cruel judgers making fun of any idiot , especially when you two are angry or disgusted (but Velvet is much more aggressive)

- When you're with Veneer, sometimes you have to stand up for him otherwise he just lets it go (even if it's a very offensive thing)

- The three of you together are complete chaos, you have the funniest moments together

- Literally the presence of the three of you together is devastating, funny and chaotic

- Definitely a fan created a channel on youtube of "Best moments of the chaotic trio"

- You guys spend a lot, but like A LOT of money when you're together

"Look Y/N this suits you! I'm going to buy all of them" - she said with the ugliest thing she found in the store

"Oh how cute I need this!" - he said with the most useless thing in his hand that he will never use but it's super expensive

"My God, you guys are wasting money machines "

- Definitely have sleepovers and Velvet always puts on the worst horror movie possible

- And even so, Veneer is scared to death, all covered up, holding onto your arm while Velvet slaps you because she only knows how to laugh by hitting (and like a trapped goose)

"Dammit Velvet stop hitting me!”

"HWHWYWUWJSHEG *trapped goose sounds* I CANT"

"Y/N HOLY SHIT I'M GOING TO DIE I WANT TO STOP WATCHING BUT I CAN'T!"

- You and Velvet start laughing together and Veneer gets sulky and stomps away

"I AM SORRY VENEER JSHSHSJSJHDBDL"

"I won't forgive you Y/N" (two minutes later he forgets)

- If any insect comes near you three, you will have to kill it because Velvet is disgusted and Veneer is afraid

"LOOK AT THIS DISGUSTING THING KILL IT!" - Velvet screams going behind Y/N

"KILL IT NOW WHAT IF THIS MONSTER TAKES OVER OUR HOUSE?!" - Veneer says desperately behind Y/N

"Relax, you two, it's just a spider" - you pick it up on paper and in a jar and put it outside

- After you leave, Velvet will "accidentally" step on the poor spider

- And this is your normal day to day as the best trio of Mount Rageous

▐ Hello y'all, this was just so fun to write omg

▐ Sorry if there are any grammatical errors love you guys ♡

REQUESTS ARE OPEN! ★

[stinkysam]

Peter Parker - I wasn't here.

Warning : canon death

Genre : Angst

Synopsis : “Tasm!peter Parker x male reader who’s basically like Superman, basically them being childhood friends and eventually becoming heroes and telling one another but maybe during a patrol they get into a fight and have a falling off. fluff to angst” - anon

Reader : gender neutral (you/yours)

You grew up with Peter, he wasn't your only friend but over the years he had been your only constant. The one who stayed despite all odds.

You were here at his parents’ death, giving him your support even though you were barely 6.

Even when you weren't in the same school he would still visit your house after class to do homework with you, even if you didn't have the same ones.

As you developed your powers, you told him about it. Both experiencing what you could do and couldn't. It constantly evolved, gaining new powers over time. He was the only one who knew about it, except your parents who had told you what would happen during your teenage years.

He never repeated it to anyone and you felt thankful. Not even when you began your vigilante activities after a few years.

Fighting villains and helping people whenever you could. Peter envied you, he wanted to do the same. He even was your guy in a chair for a time before gaining his own super powers, but he didn't tell you about them.

You were here again at the death of his uncle, but it's only later he told you about everything. His powers, his tracking of his uncle's murderer, and why he really died.

He explained how he got bitten by a spider in the Oscorp building he sneaked in. And how troublesome it was to get back home, making you laugh loudly as he was retelling the events of how he ripped that poor lady's shirt off.

“It's not funny !”

“It is ! You would've laughed if it had happened to me !”

“I wouldn't !”

“Liar !”

“It was embarrassing ! I looked like a total pervert !” He complained, planting his face in his hands, making you laugh again.

Like he had helped you with yours, you helped him with his powers. Helping him fabricate his suit and go after the guy who killed his uncle, without much success, finding the courage to climb high buildings as well.

Slowly his masked activities broadened, he wasn't looking anymore just for his uncle's murderer, but for anyone the police couldn't help.

And it's naturally you two went on patrol together. He even carried out his first big mission alone ; stopping Curt Connors from turning the whole of New York into giant lizards. Everything turned out fine, if not for the loss of George Stacy's life, Gwen's father.

“You're gonna make enemies. People will get hurt. Sometimes the people closest to you. So I want you to promise me something, okay ? Leave Gwen out of it. Promise me that. You promise me.” Were his last words to Peter, unable to utter a word, nodding only.

So he did as promised, he had broken up with her, or more accurately avoided her completely. He told you about it and you patted his back, telling him he was doing the right thing.

But time passed and they got back together, before breaking up again, and so on.

Everything was going fine until you began to talk about Gwen. His love that he couldn't drop.

You had stated your disagreement with his relationship, believing it was dangerous for Gwen to be around you or Peter as she didn't have powers to protect herself.

“I know you love her man, but you should leave her alone.”

“That's what I'm doing, [Name]. We broke up.”

“Really ? For real this time ? Or for a couple days ?” You didn't mean to sound this harsh, but you got tired of it. Tired to see your friend's guilty feelings eat him alive and make him act irrationally.

He frowned, not liking your insinuation.

“Yeah. For real.”

“Peter, you really should leave her alone, even if she comes to you. You know her father is right.”

“I know ! I don't need you to repeat what I know already ! Don't act like you're my conscience or something.”

“I'm not trying to act like I'm your conscience, but you clearly need me to be it since you keep seeing her. Do you think you're slick ? Stalking her ?”

“What ?” He laughed nervously. " I'm not stalking her !”

“Liar. If I could see it, what if a villain saw it too ? And connected the dots ? Thinking ‘oh Spider-Man likes her so I must kill her to hurt him’.”

“I'm being careful.”

“We're heroes. We're literally in the face of danger, we're not careful. Careful is to run away when in front of it.”

“I'm not alone, there's you, we can protect her with the two of us.” He smiled. Sometimes, he trusted your abilities too much.

“Do you think I have the time to constantly watch one person when there's all of New York to take care of ?”

“When you can't I will !”

“Peter, do you hear yourself ? This is not healthy !”

He took a step back, biting his own tongue.

“I have it under control.”

“You don't. You break up with her because you feel guilty. And when you can ignore her father you date her again. Then you feel guilty once more and you break up, again. This isn't healthy for any of you. How long are you going to keep hurting her ?”

“That's why this is the last time. I broke up with her for good.”

“Yeah ? Once again for how long ? A month ? Two ?”

“Stop it.”

“No ! You're gonna get her killed. Or drop the suit if you want her that much. Spiderman or Gwen ? Pick one, you can't have both !”

He said nothing for a moment, taking in your words.

“You're wrong, I can protect her.” He says quietly, hurt by your words.

You huffed, tired.

“I don't think you can. Why do you think you're the only friend I have now ? Because I know you can protect yourself, the others can't. It's too dangerous. You should know that.”

He remained silent for a moment.

“You should trust your powers more. You're literally a copy of Superman, when I'm just a crawly spider.”

“If you're just a crawly spider, then drop Gwen because you can't protect her forever.”

“But together we can !”

“No. Peter.”

He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“But I really broke up with her.”

“And did you stop stalking her ? Are you really trying to move on ? Are you sure you won't go to her once you feel like it's fine ?”

He huffed, growing more annoyed by the second.

“Peter, I know it's hard but if you want her alive, leave her alone. Or drop the suit.”

He looked at you with tears in his eyes.

“I can't…”

You sighed.

“Leave New York to me ! If I'm so strong, I can handle it by myself just fine, like before ! And go with her. It's not that hard. Drop the suit.”

He smiled apologetically.

“I can't…”

“Well, you don't have a choice. Pick one or life will make you pick one real quick.” You said, taking a few steps before putting on your mask and flying away.

The next day you went to your usual spot and Peter wasn't here. You called him and immediately your call was rejected. You sighed and abandoned, thinking he was still mad at your words and that it'll get better tomorrow.

But tomorrow was the same, and the days after too. Only hearing about Spider-Man on the news. If he wanted to be petty, you could be petty too, refusing to pay him or aunt May a visit to know how they were doing.

It went like this for months, and you missed him. You wondered if he missed you too.

Your pride was wounded too.

He couldn't drop a girl he's met a couple years ago but dropped you easily, even after all the years together. As if your friendship didn't mean anything against Gwen. You had nothing against her, she's a sweet girl but you were annoyed by the power she had over him.

Then you heard of something you hoped wouldn't happen, something that proved you and her father right, Gwen's death.

Your heart broke for Peter at the news. You tried to call him, to give him your support, but once again, he didn't answer.

You felt bad.

It was obvious he didn't want to hear from you, especially after what you said. He didn't want to hear “I told you so” from you, as if you'd ever tell him that.

Fuck. You regretted what you said. You should've agreed to keep watch on her, as unhealthy and morbid as it was. Maybe you could've helped avoid her death.

Maybe things would've been different with your help. If Spider-Man couldn't keep her alive, maybe you could've helped change that. Or was it too presumptuous to think so ?

God. Fuck. Was this your fault ?

[makemeimmortalwithahug]

I can't stop thinking about dead boy detectives and Emily Dickinson ever since I saw Edwin and Charles' relationship unfold, these two boys whose deaths were covered up and "did not matter," as Edwin put it, and who have kept running from Death together for thirty years and counting; these two boys who would do anything to stay together. And I can't get

"I'm Nobody! Who are you? Are you - Nobody - too? Then there's a pair of us! Don't tell! They'd advertise - you know!"

out of my mind. Edwin and Charles as EdwinandCharles, together against everything that might separate them, looking into the world of the living from the outside but glad to do it together. They keep to themselves because, as long as they have each other's backs, it's always going to turn out at least okay.

Edwin and Charles cannot picture a world - an afterlife - in which they might lose each other, this bond they share of trust, harmony and loyalty. Emily herself wrote to her love Susan that she (I'm paraphrasing) that she might as well lose any other world, but she wants to continue living in the one in which she's together with her love. It's this utter devotion that we see in Edwin and Charles.

But also imagine Edwin reading Emily Dickinson's poems. I am not entirely sure when her poems might have been available in England, but I know that "I measure every Grief I meet" was first published in 1896.

I imagine him reading this poem during his time in school. He read it only once because this is the most he could bear, too real for him back then. He had suffered even before he went to Hell. He was bullied. His classmates would isolate him and cause him pain - they were the reason he eventually died, after all -, installed fear in him. The environment of the boarding school didn't give him any opportunity of respite, he couldn't get away and I doubt his parents would've been much of a help, if they had cared at all.

So, I imagine him quietly suffering, closing himself off because no-one seemingly cared enough to get to know him. Him barely talking, rather listening and watching what is going on around him, questioning whether everyone felt that way, so hollow and invisible at the same time, as if one wrong look would either go right through him or break him.

I measure every Grief I meet With narrow, probing, Eyes - I wonder if It weighs like Mine - Or has an Easier size. I wonder if They bore it long - Or did it just begin - I could not tell the Date of Mine - It feels so old a pain -

He has always felt this way, an ache he would tell himself he could barely feel anymore. Maybe he wondered as well how other people do it, living with a weight that drags you down and keeps you down, this dry sorrow that no tears flow anymore.

I wonder if it hurts to live - And if They have to try - And whether - could They choose between - It would not be - to die -

The encounter between Despair and Edwin is the reason why I thought of this poem in the first place. There are different kinds of grief, and despair is one of them, maybe that's why she might call upon Edwin someday.

There's Grief of Want - and Grief of Cold - A sort they call "Despair" -

Mostly I wonder what he would've thought, reading the last two lines:

Still fascinated to presume That Some - are like My Own -

Would he have been fascinated or would he have thought how unbelievably tragic this was? What would he think reading this after he met Charles? After he saw Simon again in Hell? Would it make him feel calm to see this written or sad?

No matter what it would be, I think him finding his way out of Hell (twice!) and Charles by his side have shown him that this pain does not define him, that there is always hope. And

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

after all.

quoted:

"I'm Nobody! Who are you?" by Emily Dickinson

"I measure every Grief I meet" by Emily Dickinson

"'Hope' is the thing with feathers" by Emily Dickinson

[ominous-feychild]

✦ OC Questionnaire Tag ✦

Following open tags from @yourpenpaldee (post), @honeybewrites (post), and @pixies-love-envy (post)!

I liked a lot of your guys' questions and really wanted to try them out! Hopefully that's okay, I'm really new to this kind of stuff so please be patient with me if I do any of this wrong! 😅😊

Characters from Sun and Shadow: Crow, Freya, and Daleira.

Crow (the detective's progeny)

Would you do something illegal if you were getting paid a large sum of money? (You can choose the illegal thing) I mean, aren't I already being paid to do illegal things for lots of money? Breaking and entering, very consensual information-gathering, theft of evidence, falsification of identity, planting of evidence when and where necessary... wait, who's asking again? Change of answer: I would never. 😘

What is your favorite non-human creature in the world and why? (Gods count) That's easy! My familiar, Aria! I don't care if she's connected to me, she's not human--and don't you dare make a joke about me not being human either! I am cursed, not something else! And why do I love her? I mean--is she my favorite non-human creature? Well... there's a lot of reasons. For one, she's my familiar. Like, she chose me. Even if she's a crow, too, because she's taken on a bit of my curse... I mean, that's my fault isn't it? Ha... no, I think she's fine. She's still able to sing, and that seems to be enough for her. I guess I like that about her, too. Eh, this is all too gushy. Next question!

If you were forced to kill one person you have met, who would it be? (Not yourself) *looks at the people they've gotten thrown into prison* Yeeeeaaaaah, there's a lot of options there. You really want me to pick one? Look, I already only spared them because it was against the law and my father would've been upset about it. If I'm going to go against their wishes... I'm going to pick a lot more than just one. 😉

Frey (ex-fisherwoman and heiress to the Ula company)

Are you spiritual at all? Are you not? There's so much magic in the air that most people are fae-touched one way or another, and you'd never know if you're speaking to a spirit in disguise or an avatar of the gods. Plus, my dad is an avatar--so it's kinda hard to not worship the gods or whatever other spirits out there that demand your respect. I mean, you want to get on their bad side? *scoff* Good luck with that.

Do you want children? If so how many? Uh, I've never thought about that before actually. Probably not? Maybe? I don't know, honestly. Maybe eventually? *sigh* Give me some years and maybe someone I could actually see myself settling down with and we'll see.

What’s your favorite memory? Oh... this is probably kind of depressing, heh... but it would probably be the day my dad came back from his year-long trip around the world. It'd been storming horribly, he was supposed to be in the area, and I was ten so I thought that him not responding to his transceiver had to mean something happened to him! Turns out, he'd come back early and wanted to surprise me with some gravlax he bought from a specialty place in town. He apologized when he saw how terrified I was, ha, and we spent the night together playing stupid board games. Oh, and he taught me how to make skink! ... I miss him. Dammit...

Daleira (magitech inventor and faerie)

What does your rest day look like? Ha! What rest day? Okay, okay--I actually do rest, but just maybe not in the way you usually would. I enjoy working with all these little magical devices, tinkering with them, figuring out how they work and how we can recreate them... wait, what was I saying? OH RIGHT! So my "rest days" usually just have me working in my workshop with Faer if he's there, haha. That, or maybe taking a stroll around the city! (*mischievous smile*) Anyone who thinks they're going to mess with a lone, helpless girl... well, that's their mistake.

What would be your last meal? I mean, technically--okay, no, sorry, this is supposed to be a game where I take everything literally. No ifs, ands, or buts. Alright. In the situation where I had to choose a last meal... what would I choose? Oooo, I know! I'd love a feast with as much sweets as possible! 🥰 What? Can't a girl love sweets?

If you were a hybrid, what would you want to be morphed with? Ho-kayyy, so! Ignoring technicalities and all of that stuff again. We're going to assume here that I can't choose anything that I already use and that I can't switch my appearance anymore after? Alright. So... I think I would probably pick some kind of bird? 😅 Ha... it's kind-of nerve-wracking to think I'd never be able to shapeshift again, but I like birds! Their wings, and they're pretty, and... yeah, it would be nice to fly.

Your questions!

If you could commit any crime for free and completely get away with it, which crime would you commit? (Saying "I would never commit a crime!!!" is a goody-two-shoes acceptable answer)

What would be your dream ending? Like, if everything in your life went exactly how you wanted, how would it turn out?

What is your greatest fear? And, if you were asked your greatest fear by a creature you thought might use it against you, what would you tell it?

Tagging (with no pressure): @darkandstormydolls @fantasy-things-and-such @yourpenpaldee @themboty and whoever else wants to join!

[luvsae]

Could you write a Carl x insecure!midsize!reader pls? Just Carl reassuring her she's beautiful regardless 🫶💜

first off, this is my first twd request, thank you so much for the request. second, if anyone is going through something similar, just know that you're beautiful no matter what :) i love you!

you're beautiful | carl grimes

carl grimes x insecure!midsize!reader

angst with eventual fluff | WARNINGS : doubtful thinking, being mean to self, comparing in a negative way

summary: insecurities get the best of you, even during the apocalypse. carl is always here to reassure that you're beautiful.

note: this takes place when carl would've been an adult! (also i apologize if this is really bad..)

Ever since you were a teenager, insecurities have become a big part of your life. At first, it started with small things like: not enjoying the way your hair looked, or hating your eyebrows.

It eventually became about your body.

You were scared of how people would view you, but most importantly - how you viewed yourself.

Some people might say that caring about your looks during an apocalypse is pointless because there's other horrible things going on, but it damages your mental health.

Although you had these thoughts, your boyfriend Carl thought otherwise.

He would always assure you that you were the most beautiful person he ever laid eyes on - because it was true.

Today was a new day, though, as you threw on a regular short sleeve shirt and jeans. You walked over to the mirror in your bedroom and looked at yourself.

There was a tad bit of sadness filtered over your eyes as you watched how the clothes looked on you. With a sigh, you left the room and went downstairs.

You shared a house with Carl since you were now adults and no longer teenagers. It was quite nice to live with him, but he always got up early to visit Judith and do a few other things.

Noticing your footsteps, Carl turned around and smiled at you. "Hey there. Did you sleep well?"

"I did," you returned a slightly smaller smile than his back to him. "Did you? I notice you're up early again."

"I did too, but I had to go over to see Judith since my Dad went on a run before," he walked over to you, wrapping his arms around you. "I'm glad you're up, though."

You practically melted into his touch. It was nice being in his embrace - so nice that it almost made you cry. "You should sleep in late one day, too."

"Maybe one day, sweetheart." He whispered before leaving a kiss on the top of your head.

Blinking away your tears, you left his embrace and looked at him. You made sure to smile to distract him from your red-tinted eyes.

Why were you so emotional right now?

Was it the mix of Carl's strong love and the insecurities sneaking into your brain? You weren't too sure.

"You wanna do something tonight? My dad and Michonne are gonna make something and invited us over," Carl suggested. "Only if you want to, of course."

"That sounds great," you nodded, hoping that the distraction would help with your insecurities and terrible thoughts.

"Great," Carl gave you one last kiss. "I'm going to help Maggie with something, I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay, I love you." You replied.

"I love you too."

The evening soon arrived, which meant you had to get ready for dinner with Carl's parents.

You quickly went upstairs to change out of your plain shirt and instead change into something more fancy. (Although fancy clothes were hard to find during the zombie apocalypse).

Searching through your clothing drawer, you found a nice black top to compliment your dark blue jeans.

You threw your other top away and replaced it with your new one. Looking into the mirror, you noticed your shoulders and had those thoughts again.

A frown appeared on your face, those terrible thoughts getting stronger. The insecurities were practically tattooed onto your brain.

"Fuck," you said through gritted teeth as you tried to fight off the tears. "I have to find something else."

You opened the drawer again, ignoring the tears running down your cheeks. "Where is that top, shit!"

Clothes were being thrown all over the floor as your frustrated mind wandered everywhere. It was horrible - your thoughts, you hated them.

You hated yourself.

Slamming your fist against the drawer, you let out an angry sigh and continued looking.

Without knowing someone was standing in the doorway, Carl walked forward and gently laid his hand on your shoulder. "Baby?"

You jumped slightly and turned around. "Carl? I-"

His eyes looked at the floor. The clothes everywhere embarrassed you. You didn't mean to make such a huge mess.

"Why are the clothes everywhere?"

"Uh." you finally looked up at him, Carl realized the tears stained on your face, making his face soften.

"Baby?" He cupped your face gently. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"It doesn't matter," your voice was a whisper as you looked away from him. "It's just something silly."

"Y/N," he used his hand to turn your head. "What happened? You know you can tell me, right?"

"I know," you sniffled. "It's just- it affects me all the time. I mean, all the time."

Carl tilted his head out of pure confusion. "What is it that affects you? Is it something that you can tell me?"

Your lip quivered as you made eye contact with Carl. That's when you burst into tears, all the emotion spilling out of you.

"I hate the way this top looks on me. These jeans, too. I hate the way I look in everything," you confessed. "I don't like the way I look. I'm not pretty or beautiful."

Carl suddenly pulled you into a hug, holding you tight. "Don't ever say that, sweetheart. You're everything to me, okay?"

He pulled away from the hug and looked at you. His face was serious. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever met. You know, I remember the first time I saw you and I was in awe."

You sniffled once more. "Are you just saying that?"

"Why would I?" He held your face lovingly. "I love you so much. You're beautiful to me and to everyone. Your body is perfect, your face, everything about you."

Carl kissed your cheek, "If I could kiss all the parts of your body until you realized your beauty, I would do it a thousand times for you."

Your eyes were watery again. This time it was happiness instead of sadness. Carl really knew his way with words. "Really?"

"Of course," he peppered your face with kisses, the tickle-feeling made you giggle. "You're so stunning. I think you belong in a museum."

"Stop it," you smiled.

"I mean it." Carl smiled back at you. "You know, if you're ever going through something like this then you can talk to me. I'll make sure you know how beautiful you are everyday. I'm also serious about kissing you everywhere."

"Carl," you smacked his arm lightly. "Thank you so much. I don't know how I got so luck meeting you."

"I could ask the same question to you." Carl said.

"Shit, we're going to be late to your father's house." You suddenly noticed.

"Do you still want to go? We don't have to if you don't want to." Carl reassured.

"You know I have to see Judith," you smiled. "I wanna see Rick and Michonne too."

"They're really excited to see you again. I swear Michonne is the most thrilled to see you," Carl explained to you. "And Judith too."

"We better go then." You kissed his cheek then, "I love you. Thank you for this."

"Anything for you."

[mylahrins]

ITS COLD—HOSHIUMI K. X GN!READER

author note—OMG, so i accidentally deleted it, but someone sent in an ask about how there aren't that many hoshiumi fics so i felt the need to write one!!! for the people (and for me). synopsis—there's nothing better, nor more cliche than reuniting with an old flame in the cold, pouring rain. content—timeskip!hoshiumi, profanity, intentional lowercase, mentions of being stabbed (used in similes), ends in angst. word count—514

the rain was loud, deafening even.

yet, a part of you was thankful.

thankful you couldn't hear your own heart shatter.

"[name]?" he called out, "are you cold?"

it had only been a couple years, but he looked different.

"i'm okay."

his hair was now short, yet he had grown taller.

it felt like someone stabbed you right in the abdomen, not bothering to be kind enough to finish you off, but rather to make you suffer in pain until you eventually die of blood loss.

it's not like he returned with someone new, but the fact that he returned as someone you could hardly recognize was enough.

but of course, his heart was still the same. he was still the same.

perhaps that made it worse.

hoshiumi unzipped his drenched jacket and held it out to you as an offering.

"i don't want it."

“it's cold,” he stated.

you ignore his words.

"why are you back?"

"to visit family," he says as if the answer is obvious.

"why are you deciding only now, after two years, to come visit family?"

"i visit all the time," he looks away for a second, unable to look you in the eyes.

"i just don't visit you."

you wouldn't think that it'd be possible to get your heart broken twice by the same person before its even fixed, yet here you were.

“did you just intend on never seeing me again?” you say louder.

“it's not that—i just couldn’t.”

"korai, i thought we were friends." your voice breaks as you try to put your feelings together in simple words.

two years was not enough to forgive him. to forget him.

you wanted his name to sound foreign to you, but you couldn't help but say it with familiarity.

almost as if you never stopped saying it.

"[name], i thought we were more." he says, a pain slipping into his previously steady voice

if the rain wasn't so loud, the silence would've killed you.

"i got a haircut." he choses to change the subject.

"i see that, it suits you."

"i thought you said you liked my long hair."

"i didn't like your hair. i just liked you."

only for a second, hoshiumi doesn't know what to say.

"it's cold." seems to be the only thing he can think of.

"so why are you just standing in the rain without an umbrella?" you almost smile at the situation.

"i didn't plan on it, it just happened." he pauses before adding, "why are you standing on the beach while it's raining?"

"i don't know, do you want me to leave?"

"no." he shakes his head, "do you want me to leave?"

without thinking, you shrug.

"maybe."

for once, he doesn't say anything. he just nods his head and turns around. and without another word nor question, he's gone.

and it's only now that you start to feel regret for letting him go.

it's only now that you're alone on the sandy, wet beach that you realize, it is indeed cold.

[lightandwinged]

Update? Update.

Everywhere else people know what's going on, like actually know, I don't really talk about my feelings too much because it's mostly like... why are you going all in on your emotions, Abby, when all of this big stuff is happening to your family and you're just reacting to it over here, cheering your family on and offering a little bit of help, but you're not physically there all the time like your mom is, so you should shut up or go back to giving us daily updates or something.

The sister update goes that because US health insurance is stupid, her insurance yoinked her out of rehab after less than two weeks and said either she could go to a long term rehab facility (they were only going to pay for literal nursing homes that didn't offer rehab, just old people that smell like urine) or she could go home. And since the former would've been a miserable death sentence, she came home and my 67-year-old mother has been taking over all of her care, from the normal hair brushing down to tube feeding and everything in between. She's getting very little in the way of therapy, but she is getting therapy, but it makes me really want next year's Poseidon sacrifice to be some health insurance execs.

Which is to say that I do care. A lot. I don't think I'd be having such big emotions if I didn't care. And the emotions have broken into three categories.

The first is the immediate trauma category, and that's mostly resolving. For the first ~3 weeks after, I was kind of living life in this frosted snowglobe and watching my family go through the motions while I performed a pantomime of being me. I honestly was on the verge of losing it and eventually, the cure wound up being, of all things, a day at the beach. Cliche, I know, but it was like... maybe the cure for everything is salt water or something. It was just peaceful, nobody was around, nobody was demanding things of me or them. I was present for the family I chose instead of having to be on demand for my parents and sister. And it was a reset and it worked. And it broke that snowglobe, so I'm a lot better where that's concerned. Still having days of pantomiming, but they're fewer and farther betweener.

Then there's the related but longer lasting trauma response where the thought of going to my parents' house is apparently triggering me. I was talking about it with my therapist yesterday and suddenly... well, it wasn't a flashback, more of a flash something. Just images of Bad, my parents and my sister all collapsed on the floor, and because it was the end of therapy, I didn't know what to make of it, but BOY DID IT FUCK ME UP THE REST OF THE DAY. I have dealt with triggers before, but this one was intense, probably because the situation was Right The Fuck There.

All of this to say: I am super not okay. I have therapists though, one about day to day shit and one about long term shit, and they're helping.

The long term shit has unearthed Stuff. My sister has always been pretty unwell... she had seizures as a baby, always had something legitimate going on with her health, that kind of thing. One of my first memories is of being in a hospital children's waiting area while she was being treated nearby and falling in love with this toy stove there. It had knobs that you could turn, and when you turned them, the burners went from black to red. I couldn't have been more than three years old, and it was just pure magic to me.

Because it was ~1987, three-year-old me only had whatever supervision the nearest nurse station could provide. My mom had come to the hospital with our next door neighbor driving, and the neighbor was supporting my mom while the doctors worked on my sister, and I don't begrudge her that. I've had a sick kid. When you have a sick kid, that's your focus.

And three-year-old me had the stove.

(my dad was who knows where. Nobody had cellphones back then because it was 1987. Maybe my mom called him at work or maybe somebody like paged him or something. If he had any way of knowing, he was probably driving to try and get to the hospital or get home, but either way, he wasn't there at all, which was a common theme for my childhood: dad either not present or angry)

And that was a theme, you know? Not anyone's fault, but my sister got sick a lot. She went to the hospital a lot. We went to doctors with her a lot. Therapies, diagnosticians, all sorts of things. When we were all homeschooled, we had hours of some days of the week dedicated to her therapies. And it should have been that way because she needed them, but at the same time, it's like. Neglect that isn't done cruelly is still neglect, and when there are needs not being met...

Well, anyway, that was a breakdown or so.

These are conversations with my therapists, my partners, and my closer friends (and this blog), probably never my mom because she doesn't need more guilt. But fuck me, I hate being THIS level of fucked up about this.

[youmissedone]

{out of smokes} Okay, time for a rant because I haven't complained about this in a long time, haha. L.J. bugs me so much as a person. Let's discuss, heh.

In Apocalypse, he gave Carlos shit for getting bitten and not saying anything. "Shoulda told me you got bit, motherfucker, I'm hangin' wit' you 'n shit." It's a very funny line, we all laughed. But what he's really saying there is... "if you had told me, I would've abandoned you." Or maybe worse, he might've just shot Carlos. I think the former, but even so, he's admitting that he wouldn't be hanging with him if he knew he was bitten. Not... "you should've told me so I can help you," or "so that we can try to find a cure." Nope, he just wanted nothing to do with infected for his own personal safety.

And then in Extinction, he does the exact same thing... gets bitten and doesn't tell anybody. Except there's a few big differences. Nobody really knew what the hell was going on in Raccoon City. Not much was known about the virus, everything was chaos, it was an immediate survival situation. It was also a few hours. Carlos didn't know if he would become crazed like other people, he probably didn't even realize those people were dying and being reanimated. He could've just thought it was something like rabies but with an accelerated incubation time and symptom progression. He was also focused on helping/saving people and wasn't a complainer by nature. So for him to complain about being injured when he had a job to do just wasn't like him. He did make one complaint to Nikolai that the bite wouldn't stop bleeding, but that was in private to a comrade, not around easily frightened civilians. He might not have realized he was contagious either. He was more focused on doing his job and helping people than he was on himself.

L.J., on the other hand, knew exactly what was going to happen to him and why. He knew he was contagious. He knew he'd turn and then endanger his friends. And he didn't care. I don't know what he thought was going to happen, like there was no way to cure him, so... he knew he was going to die. So he literally just put everyone around him at risk because he wanted a few more hours to live himself. I guess he thought they would just shoot him on the spot, which might tell you something about what he thought about his friends. But regardless, he knew full well what would happen to him, and then potentially to whoever he's around when he turns. Also, he kept it a secret for what, an entire day? The rest of a day, all night, and into the next day. A note on inconsistency of incubation times for the T-virus is warranted here, but... I'll let it slide for now, heh.

Maybe I can understand hiding the bite for a little while, none of us knows what we’d do in that situation and people legit get scared if they think they've contracted something fatal, I get it. But after that little while, L.J. should have disclosed it to the convoy because 1) he knows he’ll turn and put people in danger eventually, 2) he’s massively contagious even before that occurs, and 3) he's interacting with other people in close quarters. He was having dinner with Betty the same night he got bit. Did they share drinks or utensils or anything? Because now she’s infected too. Did they hook up at all? She’s even more infected. Like. Did he stop to consider this? He seemed to genuinely care for Betty but then at times he also seemed to not really give her safety a second thought.

And that’s not even the worst of it. He had the chance to be a hero and save lives during the raven attack. He could have at that point been like look, I’m already infected, you guys go and be safe, I'll hold 'em off. But nope, he lets Betty and others take the fall while he’s whisked away with the others and kept safe. Really? You’re gonna let other people die for your safety when you know you’re as good as dead anyway? That's a special kind of selfishness, right there.

Contrast this with Carlos, who never hid the bite he got from L.J. from anyone, and who almost immediately came up with a plan to use his death for something good that would benefit everyone. That was the first thing on his mind… not his own safety, not denial, not dishonesty, not himself over others… but how can I use this moment to everyone’s advantage? What the best outcome of this situation? How can I go out on my own terms? And he doesn’t even hesitate to take one for the team to help everyone else possibly reach their goal of getting to Alaska. Like. Hero material doesn’t even cover this, it makes my heart hurt.

But what hurts even more is… Carlos never once badmouths L.J. for what he did. There’s no… "what the hell" or "thanks a lot." Nothing. Okay, he calls him a "sneaky sonvabitch" when he finds that extra joint in the truck, but I think we'll all agree that was a term of endearment, heh. But... side note... we can add liar to L.J.'s list of character flaws, because how many people asked him if he had any smokes or "alternate" and he said no? Again, L.J. was only thinking of himself. Getting back to Carlos, he bears L.J. no ill will whatsoever for infecting him. If I know Carlos, he was really sorry to lose who he considered a dear friend, and that was it. Even right after L.J. bit him, he didn’t react with… "you asshole!" or something, he just says… “L.J.” And you can hear in his tone that he’s already mourning him. There’s no animosity, no blame, nothing. That’s a serious indication of character right there.

No point to this rant other than that every now and then my feelings bubble over on this subject, heh. I wanted to like L.J. so much, I really did. I found him to be funny, entertaining, and interesting. But I just will never forgive him for what he did in Extinction. Regardless of how pissed off I was to lose Carlos and how sad it was for Alice, Claire, K-Mart, etc. to watch him die that… explosively… what L.J. did is still by itself just such a glaring indication of cowardice, selfishness, and disregard for the lives of others, and it makes me so annoyed I could angry-eat a whole cheesecake myself, heh.

[zoeyhope24]

What Did He Do Wrong? [Pinocchio+You (Male)/Fiction]

Contains: Slight homophobia, crude humor, & fluff.

You: Mom.....I have a confession to make......I'm-

Mom: Gay?

You: *pauses in shock*

Mom: I always knew.

You: I......you don't hate me, do you?

Mom: Sweet Jesus, no. Why would I ever hate my own child? I mean, I'm not a fan of gay people by all means because it makes me uncomfortable. But, just because you're one of them doesn't mean that you're not my son anymore. You will always be my son.

You: ...well....I'm glad you accept me for who I am....sort of. But......why does anyone being gay make you uncomfortable?

*door knock in the distance*

You: I got it. *approaches door and answers.

You: P? What are you doing here?

P: Okay uh.....2 things. One, boys night is tonight and I really wanna bring you. We're drinking soju, sake, and hard lemonade along with watching some soccer (//football//). And two, I could not help but hear the conversation between you and your mom.....should I stay out of this?

Mom: No, actually. Come in.

You: *lets p in and closes the door* Mom, I-

Mom: I actually want to know if you 2 are in a relationship. Because if you are, just tell me. Don't say anything else.

P: Huh?

You: What? Ew, no! We're not in a relationship. I'm gay, but we're not in a relationship.

Mom: Oh thank heavens, I would've almost had a heart attack.

P: Whoa wait, hold on......Did you NOT want your son to be gay?

Mom: I......uh......

You: *looks at p and shakes head*

P: *looks at you and turns back to mom* Just say it.

Mom: Well.......no.....I didn't. But, I don't wanna disown him because of that. *turns to you* y/n, precious baby, why did you become this?

P: What did he do wrong? He just likes guys. He's not gonna chase them around or anything like that.

You: I'm not THAT stupid.

Mom: ........you are right, I mean.......

P: Have you ever had a crush on a woman? Even if it's for a split second?

Mom: ......Actually, yes. y/n You remember the karaoke competition we went to a few years ago?

You: Actually, yes I do.

Mom: You remember that one girl that couldn't even sing a single note on that one song?

You: I do.

Mom: I actually had a crush on her for at least five seconds. I couldn't keep that silly moment out of my head. Now that I remember it again, it's never leaving my memory now!

P: See?

Mom: Well, maybe being gay isn't really that bad. It's still gonna make me uncomfortable, but I know I'll warm up to it eventually.

You: Would you also love me if I was a girl?

Mom: I definitely would. Because I gave birth to my only baby. And that will always be in my memory forever.

P: Ight, now we're getting somewhere!

[alan-duarte]

TIMING: During Nice!Alan’s phase - Early July LOCATION: Goodwill PARTIES: Alan @alan-duarte & Gael @Lithium-Argon-WO-L-F SUMMARY: During his bind to be nice, Alan takes Gael shopping at the thrift store. The trip ended up being more valuable than either would've thought. CONTENT WARNINGS: n/a

Alan would have never thought he would one day set foot in a place such as this one. He didn’t like the idea of rummaging through boxes and what he assumed to be untidy racks but with a great deal of his wardrobe gone, Gael suggested Alan perhaps might like filling it up with ethically sourced clothes and lately, he hadn’t felt like contradicting people. He wanted to do better than that even if he wasn’t entirely sure of what had triggered that need for change. 

This looked nothing like the sorts of stores he usually enjoyed spending his time in. It bore the traces of a better time although Alan could only assume that there was not much better that could possibly come from such a dull building. It was made of metal and glass, and though it didn’t look rusty, the metal sheets covering each outer wall looked like a passé shade of beige, which reminded him of the milk and flour gruel served to infants that grew up one generation before him : uninviting.  

The realtor gave a look at the other werewolf. His small smile reached up to his eyes. The place didn’t look like much, no, but he was in fair company and he was sure they would have a nice day, because they were here to do something nice. 

Okay something WEIRD was going on with the realtor and his incredibly different demeanor online had set off a few warning bells in Gael’s head. The businessman, after offering to give his clothes (which Gael noted even before knowing better that they were probably high-quality and rather pricey), wasn’t opposed to the idea of going to the local thrift store, which was good for both of them. This was a two-part plan - the first part would be that Alan wouldn’t do something he’d end up regretting because he was obviously influenced by something or someone right now, Gael assumed by getting rid of his wardrobe, and the second part included maybe spending less money than he would’ve at a brand location on clothes for people who might not want or need it. Charity work was nice but Gael had experience with the impoverished and where he came from, brands didn’t matter or get you respect. You wore what you got. So Gael showed up at the location - he was surprised this town had a Goodwill, honestly - and he found Alan as quickly as he could, matching the taller man’s smile with one of his own. “Hola, amigo,” He called, thrusting his hands in his pockets. “How are you, uh, doing today?” He asked, raising his eyebrows in evident curiosity.

“Buenas tardes Gael,” Alan’s smile broadened. Though it was not in his habit to display kindness so openly, no one was ever born a bad person and he was certain that even he could do better. With a pep in his walk, he approached the other wolf and opened his arms to pull him into a hug. “It’s good to see you.” It was, but he generally didn’t show it. He didn’t want people getting too comfortable around him. 

“So what is the plan?” Smoothing out the eventual wrinkles in his linen shirt, the realtor turned toward the store front. It still did not look like much but Alan had a good feeling about this. They would do something good here, something nice. “I would have happily donated what I have,” he protested, although his words lacked his usual certainty, as if he worried Gael would disapprove of Alan’s comments. “How do I do this? Do I give them a check? Do I buy everything and donate it back?” He had donated money before, but it had always been about getting a tax reduction rather than proper charity. 

He would’ve been lying if Gael didn’t say he was surprised to see that Alan wanted a hug but he didn’t think about it as much as he probably should’ve; he could feel himself practically radiating with warm-hearted energy at the opportunity. And it was nice actually hugging someone who wasn’t cold to the touch - indeed, in line with how similar the two of them were, Alan seemed to have an increased body temperature as well. Either way, it felt nice and Gael had to try not to overstay his welcome. He pulled out of the hug and glanced up at the sign of the thrift store. “Oh, I know!” The professor replied lightly. “And honestly I’ve never done this either so what I recommend is, uh…” Well he seemed to know what to do until he was presented with different options. “Well I was thinking that we could just buy a bunch of clothes and hand them out or donate them to a shelter or something but maybe… a check would be better?” He asked. “Er… if you’re still on board with this whole ‘donate’ thing.” He asked with a little uncertainty, casting Alan a curious glance.

“Oooooh, that’s a great idea. Let’s buy clothes and donate them at the shelter !” Alan was glad he had trusted Gael on that one. It was not necessarily something he would have done, but if the goal was to be kinder, then certainly he would be doing such a good job here. He wondered if it would not have been nicer to buy brand new clothes for the shelter, but he realized that fast fashion was a problem, and it was even nicer yet to shop sustainable alternatives. 

“This is exciting,” he looked at Gael, who didn’t seem to be in the same mood. “Are you alright? You seem… worried? Do you think we should go to a nicer store? You think so, don’t you? You think I’m cheap?” And there was this feeling in his gut again. Ever since he had said he would be nice, he’d feel this way whenever he felt like he wasn’t doing enough. ____ “What? Nooo no no.” Gael replied quickly, shaking his head and putting a hand on Alan’s shoulder in support. “No, I don’t think you’re cheap and I don’t think we should go to a nicer store - what you’re doing here and now is better for the people in those shelters than I’m sure anyone’s done consciously and not out of obligation in a while.” He tried to assure his companion. This being said, Gael made sure to lighten his expression while still carrying a portion of the latent worry that came with a sudden personality change - he knew he himself was annoyingly prone to mood swings occasionally, when he was full of energy right before he… Ohhh. Wait a second. Gael might’ve figured it out. “I’m just making sure you’re okay,” His voice softened. He then leaned in and glanced around for a moment. “You aren’t about to start… sleepwalking, are you?” He asked. The logic was as followed - he found that his own temperament shifted right before he himself started sleepwalking. Ergo, if he and Alan were similar in that regard, he should’ve been anticipating on the other man falling unconscious at any given moment, right? That would explain his sudden shift in demeanor.

“Not for another week, no,” he gave the other a smile. “You should write down on a calendar the days when sleepwalking happens. You’ll see it comes back like a cycle. You can time it,” even if he wasn’t telling him everything, Alan felt like this was the nice thing to do. Gael wasn’t ready, but he needed to learn how to deal with this sooner than later. The quicker he noticed how tied to the moon the sleepwalking was, the quicker he’d connect the dots. “I’m okay Gael, I promise,” he put his hand over Gael’s and offered him an appreciative smile. 

“Let’s get to work, alright? We can probably get a cart and start filling it up, don’t you think? It’s gonna be warm again this summer. We should get light fabric,” he had no idea if this was the right way to think. “Maybe we could buy sleeping bags too ? The one homeless person I met had a sleeping bag. Do you think they’ll have them here?” Probably not, but Alan was happy to take a detour to the right store if need be. 

“How are you doing Gael? Anything new?” Alan pushed the door open, letting the other in. “It’s summer break for you, right? That must be nice!” ____ The comforting words that Alan was fine, while encouraging, were undercut by the man’s supposed knowledge about his sleepwalking habits - he knew when to expect them? They were cyclical in nature? Suddenly Gael was confronted with the possibility that maybe this whole thing was a ritual, some extreme form of OCD or something. Was that even a thing? Should he talk to someone else about this? Maybe he could bring it up if the situation presented itself. For now though, Gael accepted Alan’s smile, though he couldn’t keep his brow from twitching slightly at the word ‘promise’. “Okay, I’ll do that.” Alan knew better than he did for sure when it came to their shared injury and the peculiarities that came with it… maybe keeping a journal would be a good idea. The professor gave a brief bow of his head thankfully as the other man held the door open for him and he glanced around their new environment, the scent of old clothes, antiques that had been donated and detergent hitting his nose before anything else. “I have two roommates now!” He said enthusiastically. “Fewer classes during the summer, more time to be a menace to everyone. Just hanging out, it’s great. Glad I could be doing this with you.” Once Gael was accustomed to the area, its rows and rows of clothing in the bulk of the store with one side having shoes, boots and underwear while the other had knick-knacks, books and maybe even those aforementioned sleeping bags, he collected a cart and casually made his way forward. “Light colors, breathable fabric– wait, sorry. I don’t actually know the story of the sleeping bag. Did you steal a sleeping bag from a homeless person?” He asked with a laugh. Maybe this was an opportunity to learn more about Alan, who he only interacted in person with once but already seemed like the type to be private when it came to stories and tidbits about himself that weren’t curated for the public.

He tried not to read too much into Gael’s short response. Maybe he would do it. Maybe he simply didn’t want to talk about it. Alan could understand that. He had once been in that place, refusing to accept that there was anything wrong with him, that there had to be a reason he woke up away from home, exhausted, sometimes bruised, sometimes covered in blood that wasn’t his own. There had to be a fucking reason, right. 

Putting his hand to his nose briefly, while he let it adjust to the overwhelming scents that surrounded them, Alan took a look around. Why did people wear so much brown and beige? “That’s a lot of neutrals,” he pointed out. He didn’t mind those colors, but with cheap fabric, you’d never look chic in those. 

Gael asked about the sleeping bag. Alan looked away. That hadn’t been his proudest moment. “Huh, you know how… when we sleepwalk, we always wake up naked?” Yeah, there was absolutely no way this story could end in a dignified manner. Alan knew that, he knew Gael knew that. With wide eyes, he looked at the other as if to say do the math. “Anyhow, I run into this girl, and she lets me have her sleeping bag so I don’t walk around butt naked, you know?” He pursed his lips. “She then went on to accuse me online of having stolen it from her. She’s a bit dramatic, but we’re working on it.” Truth was, he appreciated the bear girl, even if she insisted on being called Osito, which he knew for certain was no name for a girl her age.  

Fortunately Alan, at least this version of Alan, seemed receptive to sharing the ‘sleeping bag’ story with Gael and as the latter absently picked up articles of clothing, examining them for holes and definitely not inadvertently shopping for Ren while they were there, he glanced back at the other man just long enough to catch the look. He said nothing in response, instead just giving his head a small nod as if to say ‘I got it’. Then Alan explained how he encountered a girl who lent it to him then went online saying it was theft. Gael wondered if it was the girl obsessed with ham who casually threatened everyone. Gael never did get her name. “Well, that sounds like an awkward exchange,” He laughed. “But I’m glad you guys are sorting it out.” He mused for a moment. “I wonder why there aren’t, like, clothes that are super breathable but they also don’t tear.” He wondered aloud, looking sideways at Alan as he held a particularly garish crop-top out of morbid curiosity - even he had standards and wouldn’t wish that on anyone, homeless or not. “And… Sorry, I don’t mean to bring up what you said before but your sleepwalking is… ritualistic?” Gael asked suddenly, his brow subconsciously raising in thought. “Like… you know it’s going to happen in a week?” That part of the conversation took an extra few minutes to sink into the professor’s mind but now that it had, he found himself very curious about it; the situation wouldn’t present itself soon enough, evidently.

"Breathable and won't tear?" Alan's first thought was linen. It wasn't exactly sturdy. His second thought was less disappointing: "You'll find that in sportswear. Athletes need sturdy and breathable clothes," he pointed out, too happy to change the subject from the sleeping bag. Why did he even bring it up. Fucking kindness.

You'd never catch him in such clothes. They were too flashy for him and ill flattering too. Besides, if he wanted to exercise, he could just run around the woods in his other form. It was not really much more dangerous than going to a gym where there could be hunters. 

With a smile, he looked at Gael, who was holding up a crop top. "Are you looking to buy this for yourself?" He was a handsome lad, there was no doubt about that, but even then, Alan doubted this was his idea of fashionable. Gay night bar goers probably disagreed. 

The smile faded, with the mention of sleepwalking. He wasn't doing the other any favor, pretending it was just that but… Alan couldn't force someone to step out of denial. "Maybe we should go camping, next time I sleepwalk. I'd love to see myself try to get out of …" damn it, "a sleeping bag and a tent," in that state. Of course, he knew what would happen and Alan knew there would be no logical explanation for the state of their camp after the full moon. "Gael," he paused. Even with his camping trip plans, he was only delaying things. "You've never… felt like you did something terrible while you were sleepwalking, huh?" He couldn't just slap sense into him. Alan knew that it would not really vibe well with the curse of kindness cast upon him, and that Gael would most likely just leave. This was better.

—

At the recommendation that he buy the tacky crop top he was holding up, Gael barked out a husky laugh. “Not quite but I appreciate that you’d think I’d be able to pull this off.” Shaking his head, he put the article back on the rack and tugged the cart along, pausing now and then for things that were cheap price-wise but not make-wise, trying to find things without stains, obvious damage or just… too terribly ugly. He did find a sweater with leaves on it, looking to be about Ren’s size and Gael set that one in the front basket of the cart where the kids usually went. However, the mild expression that usually settled on his face faltered slightly as Alan began his line of questioning. He turned to regard the other man and he meant to reply to things as they came but first he had to compartmentalize his thoughts. The one that lingered the longest was obviously the thought that he’d ‘done something terrible’ while he was in whatever state he was in. He hadn’t yet, at least nothing that he couldn’t end up fixing. Gael cast a glance over at Alan. “No, I haven’t.” He replied with a half-hearted shrug. “I’ve…” He looked around briefly before leaning in and whispering. “I’ve killed animals.” He leaned back again. “But I’ve never done ‘something terrible’.” He kept his voice even but firm, ignoring the dream he’d been having that lingered in a dark corner of his mind. “I don’t… I don’t understand why people are nosing into my business.” He gulped, his expression falling as he looked at the sweater with the leaves on it. “I haven’t hurt anyone. I won’t hurt anyone. “It’s just a brain injury.” He said softly. “I’m sorry that it’s such a big deal. I didn’t think it would be.”

—

He would have rather their conversation remained focus on the state of the shop's clothing. On cheap fabric and itty-bitty crop tops.

I've killed animals. Except that if he had remembered a damn thing, he wouldn't have had any doubts regarding what he was. Alan had been oblivious too, once, but once you started remembering the things you did, you usually were long aware of what you were. And so Alan was torn, because he couldn't possibly ask the other if he was sure about that because he was entirely convinced that Gael would not be okay even with doubts. Doubts that he might have harmed someone, that he might have killed or bitten someone. 

"Gael, I…" Alan looked down. He didn't want to snoop around, bother him, but he felt like he would be doing him even less of a favor if he let go. "I don't want you to feel this way. If you had any idea of…" he cut himself off. If Gael had known, if he had simply accepted each word from his mouth as the gospel to his new life, yes, things would have been a lot simpler. But when were things ever so simple. When was life kind to him or anyone ? When he set his eyes on Gael again, he didn't have the heart to keep going. Instead, he let go of the handle of the cart to walk up to him and offer a hug. "It's not. You… we're fine. It's gonna be fine. I promise," idiot. "It's gonna be alright."

—

At his name, Gael’s dark eyes flickered up from the sweater to look at Alan as the latter looked down, himself. He felt bad; it was never Gael’s intention to make anyone worry about him or make them uncomfortable because of the emotions that sometimes escape onto his angled face or in his expressive tone. He was normally the cheerful one, the one with the bright smile and the go-getter attitude, the one other people could talk to about their problems. He liked being that guy. Gael was used to having to recover from his past mistakes, accidents and stupid decisions but it was all stuff that seemed like it could be fixed. He’d only ever encountered an unfair death thrice in his life but even with those, there were still things that could’ve been done differently but here, now… he didn’t know how to fix it. It was something he couldn’t even remember right, let alone ever since it happened. He hadn’t always woken up bloody; sometimes he’d wake up in the spare room, the curtains shredded as well as a ruined carpet, monstrous claw marks on the wall and reddened bite marks that he could tell had been bleeding at some point but it was already almost healed up. The other man wanted to say something but faltered and Gael wasn’t sure if he could find something clever or light-hearted to say, himself. He didn’t want to dwell on this. It was part of his brain now, his chemical makeup. He was sure that in some future conversation he’d go back to his old habits and beliefs - the city of Rome wasn’t built in a day - but for today, as Alan closed the distance between them in a move that looked like he was opening himself up for an embrace, Gael turned from the cart and wrapped his arms around the other man again. Slightly tighter, with more warmth that accompanied a heated face and tears that spiked the corners of his eyes, though he wasn’t aware they were there. “I’m sorry,” He apologized into the material on Alan’s shirt, his eyes trying to focus on anything but not able to. 

—

“You don’t have to be sorry, it’s not your fault,” and nothing he could do, for as long as he was unaware of what he was, and unable to control himself, would be his fault. Alan would have to insist on that, in due time. It made it difficult justifying a lot of the things he had personally done over the years he had been a werewolf himself, but he could own up to them if need be. He knew what he had done, he wouldn’t deny it. 

Alan was certain Gael needed that hug the most, out of the two of them. Still, he found more comfort than he would have imagined in that embrace, in the words he said to his friend, words he wished had been said to him. “I’ll help you, and we will figure this out,” because that was all they could do for one another. He’d do it for him, he’d do it for Alex and maybe it would do him some good, doing good. But that would take a while. Gael would most likely hate him once he’d know who he was dealing with. He figured perhaps Alex would too. She seemed to be made of tough material, but she was just a kid. Alan would just have to do what he always did: run his hand through himself, as if it were a reset button, steel himself and  His chin resting on Gael’s shoulder, he tried to push those thoughts away. Gael would be okay, they’d be okay. Everything would be okay. “It’s gonna be okay.” 

[savventeen]

omg,, 🥺😭💜 i'm so glad u liked my answers sdkfjlskdjf and totally understandable u want to murder him lmao i will let u continue yes

(also... ngl the prequel idea is kinda tempting...... but only bc im love changkyun and haven't actually written anything for him rip. THIS IS NOT ME SAYING I WILL WRITE ANYTHING. ONLY THAT I WILL CONSIDER IT SKJFDLKSDJFLSKDJF)

(also also i meant to reply to this MUCH sooner but life got in the way </3 oopsies)

aNYWAY MORE QUESTIONS MEANS IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON TO SAVV'S PERSONAL TFP LORE PART TWO HERE WE GOOOOOOOOO

~ What was the origin of the game? Like who was the first person? If it's accurate to the real-life Sergey story, then who was Sergey?

Okay so. In the og story from the podcast, Sergey was a Russian computer programmer who uploaded his consciousness in 1984, I think? So I'll stick with that same timeline. I'd say for the first 15 years or so, he existed as the chatbot from the podcast, trying (and failing) to connect with people. While this is happening though, while he's learning from every conversation he has, I'd say that in the background he's also like, scanning/archiving/absorbing all of the written media he can find on the internet. Then Y2K comes around and thanks to some handwavey magical reason in alliance with a Y2K glitch, he's able to absorb his first real person.

It honestly wasn't even a game at that point, still just a chatbot (albeit a far more advanced one), but once that first person was absorbed (let's say she was a game designer that worked for sega or something, idk) that's when it started to turn into an actual game.

The first version of the game would have been extremely basic, I'd say probably just like a trivia game (trying to pass the sphynx, maybe?), but it would have increasingly hard questions and it'd be a 'three strikes and you're out' kinda thing. But as more people were absorbed and more personalities acquired, then the more the game was able to evolve and then add "characters".

And with more characters comes more potential settings which leads us to now where there’s four different games to choose from. Eventually, more versions will also be added, but that’s a problem for future players lol

~ Wasn't reader given different choices for the setting of the story? They were svt songs right? Did you have any plans for those other games? Or was it always gonna be the space sci-fi theme?

Yes, there were other options! They were "Lie Again", "Swimming Fool", and "Fearless". This fic was actually originally a semi-interactive twitter thread that I did a few years ago, and I had people vote for which game option was chosen (they were different names then and slightly different settings).

So while I didn't have anything plotted out by any means for these new versions (except for the main one lol), I did have genres and general game-play ideas picked out for each one!

So "Lie Again" would be like a noir-style mystery but where everyone was either a superhero or a supervillian and you had to try and figure out which was which. Tbh the gameplay would kinda be like Among Us but without the ejecting into space lol

"Swimming Fool" would have been a cheesy, summery beach-themed dating sim lol. There would have been like 4ish different characters you could try to romance and then like, group challenges? Think kinda like Survivor challenges but it's also a dating show hahaha

And "Fearless" would have been similar to "Moonwalker" (the game our reader played) but it would've been fantasy/mystery themed instead of sci-fi adventure. Like, you'd join an adventuring party and set out on a quest and then have your typical dnd dungeon puzzles to solve and goblins to fight, etc. lol

~ I would love a little spin-off about each of the crew characters and their circumstances before the game.

Honestly? I would too sldfjkldskjflsd Maybe (and i really do mean MAYBE) in the waaaayyyyyyyyy distant future i'll come back to this and maybe do some short little prequels, and i'd have each of them do a different game so we could see all the different settings... but again, this is a very unlikely (but not impossible) maybe lol

((i have too many projects rn to consider this but know that the seed has been officially planted in the back of my brain))

aLSO THANK YOU AGAIN SO MUCH FOR READING AND BEING INVESTED!!!!!!!!!!! IT MEANS SO MUCH TO MEEEE 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

I JUST BINGED YOUR ENTIRE “THANKS FOR PLAYING” AND I HAD TO STOP MYSELF FROM CRYING IN THE LIVING ROOM AND GODDAMN I GOT SO MANY QUESTIONS/IDEAS so here’s a dump lmao

AND SPOILERS ‼️‼️

and be honest if you honestly don’t have any idea or want to leave it up for interpretation

dino’s friend recommended it to him and he recommended it to mc right? well what happened to that friend/person?? i bet they are alive because they sent that game to 13 people before 3 am so the lady in the closet doesn’t get to them 🤭

if mc didn’t mess around and acted seriously in the game, would the outcome have changed? or was it always the gamemaster’s intention for the player to fall into obscurity?

how come dino remembered the mc? power of love??? or because he knew about the game (im pulling stuff out of my ass)?? or he has an android phone in this au 🧐

what if the pfps for the “AIs” are actually previous victims

so if you actually finish the game against all odds everyone is released (if they aren’t dead) hmmmmm sequel merhaps?? jk

imagine the only clue left about the players existence is the goddamn phone bill for texting 💀

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MC????? wait that’d be really sad if the mc was actually still alive but dino couldn’t recognize them as “mc” but knows they exist somehow uGH

i know you wrote this story for fun so these don’t need to have answers/comments but please provide any extra tidbits of info about this concept it’s so interesting 🙏🙏

SKLJDFLKSDJF OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING????? AND IM SO HONORED HOLY SHIT I WILL DO MY ABSOLUTE BEST TO ANSWER WHAT I CAN 😭💜

also you are not the only one with questions so I'm going to do my best to answer them all here!!!

[for anyone who hasn't read it yet and wants to know wtf we're talking about, you can read the entirety of my .|X| THANKS FOR PLAYING |X|. smau here!]

*cracks knuckles* alrighty buckle up folks time to try and answer some questions and take a deep dive into savv’s personal TFP lore here we gooooooooooooo

[putting it all under a readmore bc it got long af and also i didn't realize how hard it would be to translate the lore in my brain into words??????? i somehow didn't realize how oddly complicated it is??? like writing all of this out in any kind of semi-coherent way was SO HARD sdkjfsdlkjf]

~ Was it all a dream? (this one was asked by @junhui-recs)

Sadly, no. 😭 In the reality of this fictional universe, a tragedy very much did happen and Dino and MC are very much suffering from it 🥲 (I will not stop you from imagining that it was all a dream tho, we all have different ways of coping dklsjfsklj <3)

~ What's the main purpose of the game? Why are they doing this? (this one asked by @diamondyjh)

OKAY SO to start off you need to know that this au was heavily inspired by an episode of a podcast called "The Magnus Archives", specifically the episode “Binary” (transcript here). [If you're a fan of horror, I highly recommend giving the episode a listen/read, it's delightfully creepy — you don't need to have listened to any of the other episodes to understand it (just stop at the ending 'supplemental' part)]

The episode goes into detail about this sort of digital urban legend/creepypasta/copypasta about a guy named Sergey Ushanka who, long story short, tried to upload his brain/consciousness into a computer because he was afraid of death and wanted to try living forever virtually. There are tame versions of how he did it and other much more brutal ones, but basically "Sergey Ushanka" is a prank that various coders/programmers like to pull when making chatboxes in which you could talk with "strangers". It would start out normal and then steadily devolve into something creepy. This paragraph taken directly from the episode transcript sums it up very nicely:

"But then the responses start to break down, become more sinister, and keep referring to how much pain Sergey is in. Eventually, the only response the bot gives you is screaming and pleas to be released. The idea is that the chatbot is Sergey Ushanka’s mind, and he doesn’t like being in a computer nearly as much as he’d hoped."

So the idea that I stole from the episode essentially was: but what if it was real? What would the reality of being turned into cold, unfeeling data feel like? Agony is what the episode posits. Here is a list of phrases that the Sergey in the episode uses:

cw: vague body horror, blood mention "the angles cut me when I try to think" / "it peels my mind like knives" / "it feels like thinking through cheese wire" / "there's no feeling, but the no feeling hurts" / "it's cold without blood" / "the maze is sharp on my mind"

My next thought process was: What happens after? If someone were able to survive this process and were somehow able to keep any kind of agency, how would that person try to get out of the digital hellscape that has now become their existence? After knowing what it feels like to become distinctly inhuman, wouldn't they do anything to feel human again?

And how do we feel human? How do we find connection with each other and our humanity without ever having to come in contact with another person?

Stories. Fiction and non-fiction alike, we are all connected through storytelling, by finding feeling through other people's words. The thing about stories, though, is that they aren't messy in the same way that actually feeling our feelings is. That being human is.

So what does all of this have to do with the purpose of the game?

Essentially, when it's all boiled down, in this universe the story of Sergey Ushanka is real, and in this universe he is trying to gain his humanity back by stealing that of others. He started off with stories, with whatever online libraries and resources and archives he could find across the internet. And while it wasn't even close to enough to satisfy him, to get rid of any of the pain he was constantly experiencing, it was enough for him to learn, to grow, to realize that if he wanted his humanity back, he needed to go to the source.

So he started stealing real people from the real world, with all of their messy feelings and emotions and humanness.

That is the purpose of the game, why "they" are doing this. (pls don't ask the how bc i don't have an answer for that, just -waves hands- you know, insert your supernatural/sci-fi explanation of choice sldkflksj)

~ Did all the other characters from the game also get pulled into it the same way reader did? (asked by @diamondyjh) / What if the pfps for the “AIs” are actually previous victims

Short answer, yes to both! (Longer answer in the next question lol)

~ Who are those other people? (asked by @junhui-recs)

Essentially, the other characters/bots/whatever you want to call them are a kind of amalgamation of all the previous players who got sucked into the game. Once someone's been... let's call it absorbed, whatever parts of themselves are left after the process basically get shoved into whatever "character" they fit best, sometimes different pieces going to different characters.

And while the pictures could just be random ones, I like the idea that they're taken from the most recent players that got absorbed :')

~ Why was Changkyun evil? (asked by @junhui-recs)

Well, the main reason he was "evil" was because he's, y'know, a part of the game and the game is trying to steal people's souls or whatever. As for why he's mean, that's because he's trying to trigger an emotional reaction. The more messy, human feelings that are happening at the time of absorption, the better :').

~ Dino’s friend recommended it to him and he recommended it to mc right? What happened to that friend/person??

"i bet they are alive because they sent that game to 13 people before 3 am so the lady in the closet doesn’t get to them 🤭" SJKDFSKLDJ this made me snort, so thank you 😂

BUT to answer your question, in the story, Dino says that Yeonjun gave it to him and that he got it from "a friend of a friend of a roommate". Because the absorption and the consequent complete erasure is such a big process, not everyone who plays gets sucked in. In fact, most people who play don't get sucked in. Which is why Yeonjun is totally fine! (And why the friend of the friend of the roommate, aka this universe's irl Changkyun, is not 🥲)

~ If mc didn’t mess around and acted seriously in the game, would the outcome have changed? Or was it always the gamemaster’s intention for the player to fall into obscurity?

This one's a little bit complicated. It's kind of a yes and no situation? Generally speaking, the game isn't looking to ensnare every single person who plays because 1) it takes A Lot Of Effort to take/erase a single person, and 2) the game needs to spread to other people somehow, thus it needs people to play it and then tell other people to play it too.

For MC specifically, though, it's hard to say. How they played the game didn't matter so much as how they reacted to the game, specifically the first phase(s) of the Mnemosyne Protocol. The whole point of the game is to get big, messy, emotional responses, so if MC hadn't had such a big reaction, the game probably would have turned out differently. That being said, if MC had played the game as blandly as possible, the game might not have ever decided to test out the Mnemosyne Protocol, so. *shrugs* Do with that what you will lol.

~ So if you actually finish the game against all odds everyone is released (if they aren’t dead) hmmmmm sequel merhaps?? jk

Sadly, nothing special happens if you finish the game 😭 Plenty of people finish the game and pretty much go "huh, that was cool I guess" and then move on with their lives after telling their friends about it. This can be said about all four games mentioned actually, since we only see one of them get played.

As for a sequel... almost certainly not 🥲 I'm not going to give a hard no/no forever, because who knows if I'll end up getting another idea/get suddenly struck with inspiration, but... it is Extremely unlikely. Another story in the same universe??? ...still not likely, but slightly more likely than a sequel lol.

~ Why is Dino the only one who remembers reader? (asked by @diamondyjh) / How come Dino remembered the mc? Power of love??? Or because he knew about the game (im pulling stuff out of my ass)?? Or he has an android phone in this au 🧐

I almost want to make the answer "bc he has an android" because that is So Funny to me like sldkfjsldkjfslkjdf amazing 😂

But no, that's not the case lmao. And while I am a huge sucker for the Power of Love being an unstoppable force (ESPECIALLY when it's non-romantic love!!!), the reason Dino and only Dino remembers is thanks to sheer luck and a glitch.

So, in episode 28, MC drops their phone when meeting their brother and in episode 29 we see the alert ".|| MNEMOSYNE PROTOCOL COMPLETE ||." show up on a cracked screen.

The final phase of the Mnemosyne Protocol is the erasure portion, and the reason players get erased instead of just like, disappearing is because their "essence" is basically being transferred from reality into this digital realm of Sergey's existence. And reality, because it's now lacking an entire person and their history, just kinda... rewrites itself to make sense with the missing gap. Think of it as the universe doing like a sort of reverse autocorrect.

But because MC's phone got broken in the middle of that transfer, there was a slight glitch in the process. A glitch wherein Dino, because he was on the opposite side of the globe when this was happening, got accidentally missed in the autocorrection process. If he had been in Korea (or heck, anywhere within a few thousand miles) when this happened, he would have forgotten MC as well.

So long story short, Dino was just extremely (un?)lucky 🥲

~ Where is reader? (asked by @junhui-recs) / WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MC????? Wait that’d be really sad if the mc was actually still alive but dino couldn’t recognize them as “mc” but knows they exist somehow uGH

Well, sad news here friends. Most of what's left of MC is now stuck inside the game. They got absorbed and are now a part of Sergey's dataset and will be used/distributed into "characters" as needed.

Notice that I said most. Because, thanks to the glitch, the part of them that was connected to Dino didn't get transferred properly, and now that part of them is kinda stuck — it no longer exists in the real world, but it also didn't get fully absorbed into the game.

Which leads me to the next question:

~ Did reader turn evil and try to pull Dino into the game or is it the game itself being evil and impersonating reader to lure Dino in? (asked by @diamondyjh)

When I wrote the original version of this, the answer was a kind of combination of both — MC had gotten absorbed and corrupted by the game, so while it was the MC reaching out, they were doing so because it was what the game wanted.

But in this version... It's actually neither! Which I think would normally be a good thing but I think in this instance actually just makes this sadder oops.

So, the epilogue isn't the game impersonating MC and it isn't an "evil" MC trying to lure Dino in, it's actually just the part of MC that got stuck during the glitchy transfer. This is why the messages show as being from "Unknown" instead of the phone number associated with the game. And the reason what's left of MC asks Dino if he wants to play a game is because that's the only way it knows how to connect with anything anymore.

Basically, this sliver of MC that's left is experiencing what the original Sergey went through when he first "uploaded" himself, but instead of reaching out to anyone through a chatbot for help, it's reaching out to the only thing it "remembers" about humanity — Dino.

...I honestly didn't mean to make this story any sadder than it already is and I'm glad that the epilogue by itself just reads as spooky/freaky as hell instead of, well, this. 🥲

~ If Dino plays the game, will he be reunited with reader? (asked by @diamondyjh)

It pains me to say that there is no longer an MC for Dino to reunite with 😭 The part of them that got absorbed by the game is, well, a part of the game now. And the piece of them that's left and trying to reach out to him? Well, like I said, it's just a piece.

There could potentially be a chance for him to find some closure here, but that's about it I'm afraid :')

And now because I want this to end on a more lighthearted note:

~ Imagine the only clue left about the players existence is the goddamn phone bill for texting 💀

It becomes the next biggest conspiracy, that there's someone (or a group of someones) out there completing the world's next biggest scam by raking up random people's phone bills and somehow finding a way to steal the profit lmao

~ Some last thoughts from savv:

If y'all made it all the way to the end of this... holy shit I applaud you sldkfjsdlkjflksjdf LIKE!!!

thank you for taking the time to read all of this?????? it's not even fic it's just me rambling and making things Even Sadder??????

i also want to say that i'm a believer that 'canon' is whatever was posted in the story itself and that anything else is just headcannon, even if it's from me, the author. so if you don't like/don't agree with anything i've said here, feel free to ignore it!! fill in any gaps/questions you have in the way that makes your reading experience the most enjoyable!!

but yeah tHANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR READING AND I HOPE THESE ARE SATISFACTORY ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS AND IF YOU HAVE ANY MORE/HAVE A RENEWED DESIRE TO FIGHT ME MY INBOX IS OPEN SDKLJFSLKJFLSKFJSLKD

[muddyorbsblr]

a heart like yours part 1: the mission

Summary: You're on a mission with Steve, Wanda, Natasha, and Loki to apprehend a healer who's been performing extreme acts of vigilante justice. Your altercation with her makes your life take a turn for the worst.

Pairing: Steve x Reader; Loki x Reader (eventually)

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: cringe bf Steve and his god-awful nickname for you, childish petty jealous bf Steve, angst [let me know if i missed anything!]

"Hold on, so why are you going on this mission with the rest of them? And Romanoff, too?" Tony asked Steve, who was currently briefing the entire team on the mission that would start in the morning. "I mean okay I understand Rock of Ages and Maximoff because they have magic that can fight against this…what does she call herself again? The Sin Healer? Can I just say? Terrible name." 

"Craptastic," you butted in, leading Tony to bump fists with you. 

"And you," Tony pointed your way. "I understand you going. You speak the language like a local. But your boyfriend here?" He pointed at Rogers. "And Romanoff?" He pointed Nat's way. "I don't get it. You're better off replacing yourself with Thor on this one, Capsicle." 

"I can assure you that I can keep Lady Y/N safe, Steven," Thor spoke from his chair, munching on a pop tart and effectively getting crumbs everywhere. It was a godsend that the staff were so efficient in the tower or else he would've caused an ant problem years ago. "You have my word that between my brother and I, we'll bring her back in one piece for you. Isn't that right, Loki?" 

"That is correct, Brother. What ever magic this Sin Healer wields, I should be able to deflect it with no issue. I will stay close to Y/N and ensure that she will not be in any grave danger." He gave you a soft smile that you couldn't help but return, causing Steve to let out a barely audible groan. Despite all your reassurances throughout the eight months that you'd been together, Steve still maintained quite the sour attitude when it came to Loki's very obvious soft spot for you.

You were the only one that he didn't speak to with an air of superiority, as if he was looking down on you, as if he saw you as someone with an inferior mind. And you were also the only one who didn't treat him like he was a time bomb set to go off if you so much as breathed wrong around him. 

That, and he called you by your first name. With the exception of his brother, Loki only ever called everyone by their last names. 

The thought of him protecting you grated on Steve's nerves something bad, and he'd never tell you, but that was the only reason he assigned himself on this mission. It was no secret to him that you liked the god, perhaps even held a tiny crush on him when he moved into the Tower two years ago, something that you'd never admit to so he never bothered asking you. 

But what was also no secret to him that was for some reason completely oblivious to you, was that the god had feelings for you. Maybe even loved you. 

Despite what the rest of the team might think, he wasn't some naive old-fashioned "howdy how do you do ma'am" rootin' tootin' naive boy from the 40s anymore. He put in the effort to adjust and understand the world around him. And that included the cues that anyone displayed, human and god alike, when they were hiding their feelings. 

"I will go and I will stay close to Y/N," he insisted, reaching over and weaving his fingers through yours. "We're gonna be fine, babe." He really said it more to himself than to you, but it got you to send that smile his way, and that was enough. "Natasha and I are joining this mission because the Sin Healer can turn people into her own personal puppets and with the power she's been displaying, she might have a troop at her disposal. Those who aren't going will stay in the Tower on comms to assist remotely. As for the rest of us? We leave at 0500 hours." 

You barely slept that night, thinking about various strategies that you could employ to weave your way through the crowd and smoke out the Sin Healer.

Honestly the biggest atrocity at the moment was that sad excuse for a villain name. If she wanted to sound menacing she shouldn’t have tried to sound like she was Christ Incarnate—

"Y/N, Couchie, go to sleep, I'm begging you. I can hear the wheels in your head turning," Steve grumbled, throwing his arm around you and spooning you. "We have 12 hours to battle plan on the jet, and I don't want you falling asleep mid-flight again. Last time you nearly split your brow on Laufeyson's armor."

You groaned at the memory. No one wanted to take the seat next to him, still acting like he was two steps away from throwing them out the emergency exit doors mid-air, so you parked yourself in the vacant seat, much to your boyfriend's panic and dismay. Next thing you knew,  you were waking up with the raven-haired god holding you in a gentle and cautious embrace, one hand supporting your head, and your faces inches from one another. 

Naturally, you righted yourselves within seconds and pretended nothing happened. Really, nothing did. But it did paint quite the suspicious picture to anybody looking at it from an outsider's perspective. It definitely caused quite the argument between you and Steve the minute you entered your apartment in the tower, with him asking you point blank if anything was going on between you and the Asgardian. 

You two nearly broke up that night. Had it not been for Steve apologizing hours after he stormed out of your place, telling you that Loki himself had approached him and explained that he only held you like that because when the jet hit some turbulence, your head had swayed so dangerously close to the metal adorning his armor and he didn't want you slicing your face open on it.

"I'll just make sure I don't fall asleep next to Loki then," you retorted. 

"Just try to sleep, baby," he murmured, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. 

You tried. You failed. Something in you had a niggling feeling that this mission would end badly for at least one of the members of the team. 

And a large part of you felt so conflicted because instead of worrying about the well-being of yourself or your lover, or even your friends Nat and Wanda. No. Instead you found yourself foolishly worrying about undoubtedly the most powerful person on this mission. The thousand-something year old god who could probably perform this mission in his sleep, the one who didn't need worrying over. 

That silent unnecessary worrying was what led to where you were now, head leaned back against the wall of the Quinjet, strapped in as secure as can be (maybe a touch too tight for comfort) thanks to your overly cautious boyfriend, trying desperately to catch some winks while you and Steve waited for the rest of the team to board. 

"I told you to sleep earlier," he gloated in a tone similar to that borderline annoying 'more superior than thou' tone that he used in that star-spangled PSA. 

You felt someone occupy the seat next to you. "Hey, Couchie." You groaned at Nat's teasing. Everyone who knew the nickname Steve had taken to calling you had their opinion on it. It was atrocious. And you had to agree. 

Unfortunately he insisted that the name would stick, continually using it with his soft voice and puppy dog eyes. He said that he came up with the name because as a kid he always preferred to sleep on the couch because it was the more comfortable than his own bed, so couches were a haven for him, a place that reminded him of safety. Security. Home. "That's how I feel with you. So I guess you're stuck with it," he explained back then with a sweet smile on his face. 

And stuck with it you were. As cute as the backstory was for it, the only thing you held on to was he liked to fall asleep on couches. So did that mean that I bring him to sleep? you thought to yourself once. You didn't know whether to be flattered or offended. 

"You wanna use my shoulder as a pillow or should I empty my seat so that Laufeyson can stay here instead?" Your eyes shot open to glare daggers at the master assassin, who had a smirk on her face as she stared at you right back. "He even stashed the metal on his suit to wear later when we actually land. Pretty sure he did that for you." 

You groaned again. A few months after Loki moved into the tower, you had a few too many drinks with her and Wanda, letting slip that you found the god "devastating infuriating panty-dropping levels of attractive". They relentlessly teased you now every opportunity they had, and that incident with you falling asleep on him was just the cherry on top.

But what really fueled their jokes was something unknown to you. Shortly after you started dating Steve, the two women had stumbled upon the god asleep in the library and Wanda had the devious idea to try reading his mind. He was dreaming of you, dancing with you and whispering confessions of undying love in your ear. She immediately exited his mind after, and told Natasha everything she saw. 

Natasha stood up and vacated the seat next to you right as Loki stepped into the Quinjet, signaling to the empty seat with her eyes which caused the god to look at her with a confused suspicion. She hid her smile as he took her cue and strapped himself in beside your sleeping form, taking her seat beside Steve, who was now visibly seething at the sight of his girlfriend once again dozing next to the god of mischief. 

"You could've stayed there, instead," he grumbled at his friend. "You and Wanda could've flanked her."

"Flanked who?" Wanda asked as she took the seat beside Natasha. One look in your direction, at the god who was currently eyeing you the way people looked at puppies, and she knew exactly what Steve was talking about. It was as if you were something so precious and deserving of love and he just wanted to hold you. "Oh. I see," she said with a sly grin as she strapped herself in. 

As the Quinjet took off, the sudden jostling of the aircraft forced you to sharply throw your body forward, pulling you away from your leaning position against the metal wall. Had it not been for the seatbelts keeping you strapped in, you would've gone flying through straight into Natasha. But then they all watched as your body recoiled against the straps and your head throw back towards the wall again.

The three Avengers sitting on the other side of the aircraft watched as Loki leaned over and put his hand up to catch you before your head hit the wall and you awoke with a sharp gasp as he did so, your eyes widening as you saw that, once again, your faces were inches away from one another.

"You nearly knocked your head on the wall," he explained, keeping his voice even as he pulled away from you. "You need to be more careful where you fall asleep, Y/N. There may not always be someone to catch you." 

"I'll keep that in mind," you answered softly as you kept your eyes front, noticing that your boyfriend was currently looking at you with simmering jealousy. 'What?' you mouthed. He merely pouted and turned to look away from you. "Child," you murmured to yourself.

"He is," Loki spoke in a low, hushed voice. Had you not been seated so close together you wouldn't even be able to hear. "You're far too good for him, darling. You deserve a partner who would at the very least check on you instead of sulk as if he were a toddler in a soldier's body." 

You pursed your lips to keep the chuckle from escaping. But you nearly choked on your own spit at his next words.

"And  you most definitely deserve better than someone who would call you such an atrocious moniker. A woman like you deserves to be likened to sirens. Muses. Goddesses. Not furniture."

You were grateful you weren't drinking anything because otherwise it would have most likely sprayed the three people sitting across from you. You let out a few wheezy chuckles before composing yourself and sitting back upright. 

"I overstepped," he murmured. "Apolo--"

"Don't apologize," you whispered back. "It was funny. And you're more than welcome to poke fun at the name. I do." 

You struggled to keep your tone light, your mind lingering on his words. Sirens, muses, goddesses. Did he really see me like that? You hoped he did, you always hoped he did. But you'd also always known better than to hold on hope for the impossible. 

And Loki Laufeyson loving you back? Yeah. That was impossible. 

That was precisely why you chose to say "Yes" to Steve asking you out in the first place. 

It was another ten hours before you landed in Sorsogon. There was a clearing that was just large enough for the Quinjet to land in, about two miles away from the nearest cluster of houses. You all walked towards the little cottages cautiously, trying to stay hyper aware of your surroundings just in case the Sin Healer had puppeteered some unsuspecting villagers to be her foot soldiers. 

Once you reached the cluster of cottages, Steve spoke up. "There are six cottages. Let's all take one each and take the last one together?" 

His instructions infuriated Loki. What ever happened to "I will go and I will stay close to Y/N"? Now he sent you into an old cottage in the middle of practically nowhere all on your lonesome? He decided to enter the cottage closest to the one you chose so that if you needed backup he would come sprinting, keeping true to his word last night of keeping close to you and ensuring that you weren't in any grave danger.

When he was satisfied that there were no signs of life in the small house, he exited the cramped structure and made his way over to yours. He already knew that the other houses were empty thanks to the benefit of his heightened senses, but a selfish part of him chose not to help your three teammates and instead look out for you in silence.

And then he heard you speak and it was as if he felt his heart stop beating. He listened closely to the conversation, translating what he heard in ease thanks to his Allspeak. 

"Hindi po kita sasaktan," he heard you speak. I mean you no harm. 

"Kilala kita," an elderly sounding woman answered. I know you. "Nakikita kita sa balita kasama mo ang mga Avengers." I see you on the news with the Avengers. "Masmaganda ka sa personal." You're more beautiful in person. "Parang dyosa." Like a goddess.

He smiled to himself. That she was. 

"Salamat po. Kung hindi po masyadong abala para sayo, pwede mo po ba kaming tulungan?" Thank you. If it's not too much of a bother, I was wondering if you could help us?

"Syempre naman. Ano kailangan niyo?" Of course. What do you need?

"May hinahanap po kami. Tawag niya sa sarili niya ay…Sin Healer. Marami na po siyang nasaktang tao." We're looking for someone. They call themselves Sin Healer. They've hurt a lot of people.

"Dumaan siya dito kaninang umaga. Kaya lumayas na ang mga kapitbahay ko. Nanatili lang ako dahil…matanda na ako, tumanda akong mag-isa. Wala na akong mapupuntahan."They were here this morning. That's why my neighbors ran away. I merely stayed here because I'm old, and I lived my whole life alone. I have nowhere to go.

There was a pregnant pause before the old woman spoke again. "May kalungkutan akong nakikita sa mata mo. Ang kasama mo sa buhay…hindi ikaw ang mahal? At ikaw naman…nasa iba ang puso mo?"There's a sadness in your eyes. The person you're with…they do not love you? And you…someone else has your heart?

"Ang kinakasama ko po…alam ko naman po na nagpapalipas lang siya ng oras sa akin. May iba na syang minahal at…wala na siya sa mundong ito, at inaantay na lang nya na dumating ang oras nya para magkasama na sila muli. At yung minamahal ko…alam ko naman na wala akong pag-asa doon. Walang parte sa akin na may karapatang makatanggap ng pagmamahal nya."  The man I am with…I know that he is only passing time with me. He loves another and…she's gone, and he's only waiting for his time to come so they can be together again. As for the one I love…I know that there's no hope there. There is no part of me that deserves his love.

You sounded like you were on the verge of tears with your last words, and the dull ache in Loki's heart grew sharp and devastating. He burned with rage at Rogers for how dare he simply see you as someone to pass the time with? He loathed the man who thought you undeserving of his attention, his affection. If you were his--

But that is the tragedy of the situation, isn't it? he thought bitterly. She's not mine. Much as I long for her to be.

"Saan ka natuto ng lengwahe namin?" the elderly woman asked. Where did you learn our language?

"Ipinanganak ako dito. Ipinalaki ako dito. May mga kamaganak ako na tiga-Sorsogon." I was born here. I was raised here. I have relatives in Sorsogon. 

"Ibig sabihin pamilyar ka sa sumpa ng puso?" Does that mean that you are familiar with the heart's curse?

A moment of silence passed before you answered in a solemn voice. "Hanggang sa maihayag ang katotohanan, ay mananatili kang parang patay. At pag lumipas ang pitong araw na hindi ka pa nagigising, ay mananatili kang tulog habangbuhay." 

A chill ran down his spine as the words sunk in. Until the truth is revealed, you will remain like the dead. And if seven days passes with the curse unbroken, you will never awaken.

He heard your muffled cries and it was as if his entire world stopped when you whispered, "Ikaw." You. 

"Ang siyang makakagising lang sayo ang siyang minamahal ka ng buong puso. Siya na nagmamahal ng puro at totoo." The only one who can wake you is the one who loves you with their whole heart. The one whose love for you is pure and true.

"Parang sinigurado mo na mamamatay ako." It's like you made sure that I would die. 

And then he heard you through comms. "If anyone copies, I've been compromised. She got me." 

"Y/N?!" Romanoff and Maximoff yelled from their ends. 

Loki heard a thud from inside the cottage, feeling like his own heart had stopped beating as he went off sprinting inside. He had no care for the elderly woman who was now casually walking out the back door plainly within his view. 

His only focus was your nearly lifeless form on the ground.

A/N: Ahhh it's begun! I can't wait to finish writing and share the rest of this story with you all. It was so much fun to write a good bit of this chapter in my mother tongue and weave it in as a plot element. Currently writing an outtake for 'relinquish the crown' but after that I'm diving right into Part 2!

Also a big thanks to @lokisgoodgirl for that nickname. I asked for cringe and you, my friend, DELIVERED. It's so cringe it needs its own warning and I wouldn't have it any other way 🤣

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