#if anything i say could even possibly save another person from years of this hell and all the medical gaslighting

[tallymali]

Don’t know if anon or messages is the better place to ask this. I have friend that’s had uti for 2 months and you came to mind. Would you mind telling your Dr/clinic and the new and previous meds you’re taking? Did both meds work & the new is just cheaper or does new work better also? Thank You Tally!

Oh my god, I'm so glad you've sent me this because I wish more than anything that I'd known about this illness so early on in experiencing it. I have soooo much to say about this so you're absolutely welcome to DM me and relay any questions your friend has.

Okay first off I definitely recommend your friend joins the facebook support group: www.facebook.com/groups/ChronicUTISupportGroup/

Even if they dont use facebook, they should totally just make an account to join. I didn't use it either so I just made a blank profile with a fake name. As long as you answer the questions they send, the mods should let you in with no problem. I said something like "apologies for the blank account, I don't use social media but I was told this is the best place for support" and I was accepted super fast.

So, the clinic I go to is the Harley Street chronic UTI clinic. They don't have their own website but all their info is here: www.chronicutiinfo.com/treatment/conventional-medicine/uk-treatment/prof-malone-lee/

(That website is also an incredible source of info on chronic UTIs)

You have to go there in person for the initial appointment, which costs £250. First thing they do is take your pee and analyse it under a microscope to get a count for white blood cells and epithelial cells. Then you go to the doctor's office (there's a team of doctors that all follow the same protocol) and they discuss your symptoms, any previous medications you've tried, and any other health issues you have. They will almost always prescribe Hiprex and a long term high dose antibiotic. Hiprex is a urinary antiseptic, and it essentially reacts with the acid in your urine to create formaldehyde. Most of us take high dose vitamin C pills with the Hiprex to keep our urine as acidic as possible (high bacteria in the bladder can raise urine pH so we often need help in that department).

At this point they will give you the prescriptions and say you can take them to your NHS GP and see if they're willing to fill them on the NHS. My GP didn't want to get involved with prescribing long term antibiotics, but was happy to fill the Hiprex prescription. I now get my antibiotics from Pharmacierge. Their prices are cheaper than regular pharmacies and they work closely with the Harley Street team. My doctor now just sends my prescriptions straight over to them which cuts out a little admin for me.

After that initial appointment you have to have a follow up appointment every 3 months, which can be done in person or over teams. Either way, they cost £200. If you go in person they will do the pee analysis again, but it's not super necessary to do that to monitor your progress. Patient symptoms are the number one thing they use to decide your treatment. Basically as long as you're in pain, they will keep treating you (the NHS would NEVER). Not a huge amount happens at these check ups, but being on long term antibiotics is risky so they will ask you a million questions about any possible side effects, and switch your meds immediately if you're not tolerating them well. They also ask that you contact your GP and request a blood test 3 times a year to monitor your kidney and liver function. They might also ask for other tests depending on your symptoms and the specific antibiotics you're prescribed.

So yeah, the treatment kind of just boils down to: find the right meds. Take them until you feel completely normal again.

As for the specific meds, here's a list of their most prescribed antibiotics:

Cefalexin

Amoxicillin

Co-amoxiclav

Nitrofurantoin

Trimethoprim

Doxycycline

Oxytetracycline

Azithromycin

Clarithromycin

Pivmecillinam

Lymecycline

For me, before starting treatment under Harley Street, I'd been treated by the Urology Partnership. They prescribed me 3 months of full dose Nitrofurantoin (brand name Macrobid, super common UTI treatment) and I was almost symptomless during that 3 months, but when I finished the course the symptoms returned instantly at full throttle. From that point they would only prescribe me the half dose of Nitrofurantoin which was NOT cutting it. That was when I decided to move to Harley Street. Definitely would not recommend Urology Partnership to people dealing with a chronic UTI.

SO. I emailed the Harley Street clinic with an appointment request and they booked me in for the next week. At my appointment the doctor prescibed Trimethoprim, which is usually the first one they try with new patients. I took it for a little while, (around 2 weeks to a month, I don't remember exactly) but I was still getting symptoms that weren't letting up, so I emailed their clinical enquiries address to let them know. I'd mentioned at my inital appointment that Nitrofurantoin had worked in the past, so they took me off the Trimethoprim and prescribed the Nitro instead, with the note that I'd have to discuss it at my next appointment.

Basically, Nitro is a really good antibiotic but has some of the nastiest side effects and is also the most expensive. So at my follow up appointment my doctor said he was happy for me to stay on it to get my symptoms back under control but he'd like to switch to a less risky antibiotic in time.

So a few months later (June this year) I was switched to Cefalexin, which has some of the least side effects and is one of the cheapest. I've been doing really well on it and I'm really feeling optimistic.

This is all to say that treatment is easy in theory but requires a little trial and error to find the right meds, and then takes a metric fucktonne of patience. There's no set length of time for the treatment, but in general, the longer you've had the cUTI the longer it takes to cure. So if your friend does have cUTI and can get treatment quickly, it shouldn't take too long to cure.

I had mine for two years before starting with Harley Street, which is actually much shorter than the average patient. They frequently treat older patients who have been suffering for over 20 years. I've read a depressing number of posts in the facebook group from people in their 50s+ who have been able to live normally for the first time in their adult life thanks to this treatment.

Knowledge of this condition with the general public AND with doctors (even urologists?????) is basically nonexistent. The NHS and most healthcare systems will slap you with a wastebasket diagnosis (PBS/BPS/IC) and tell you to piss off and live in pain forever. I genuinely don't think I will ever be able to trust a doctor right off the bat to actually prioritise my health ever again in my life. The NHS is full of people who really do care and really do everything they can for their patients but as an institution it does not give one iota of a fuck about the wellbeing of the people it's supposed to care about. It's a big complicated systemic issue but there will never be a good excuse for turning away patients who need medical care to live normally.

If your friend or literally anyone reading this is interested in the more academic/scientific side of this whole thing, I'd definitely read Cystitis Unmasked by Professor Malone Lee. It's written for doctors so it's not an easy read for a layperson but GOD it's so eye opening and infuriating. Professor Malone Lee is the guy who created the Harley Street UTI clinic and I think he spent his entire life raging at all the pillars of incompetance that modern UTI testing and treatment is built upon.

[kadwrites]

young love | T.S

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summary ; a person from your past makes an appearance.

warnings ; arranged marriage!trope , fem!reader , idk what the hell is happening , SLOW burn

a/n ; i promise that i have a plot but i keep getting side tracked????

-

"what the fuck are ya doing here?" you pull the front door shut

"hello to ya too."

you look at him again , brows raised "what brought ya here hmm?"

"ya didn't even invite me to your engagement party." he looks down at you, his voice teasing

"oh i'm sorry" you let out a small outraged laugh "i didn't know that inviting your ex boyfriend was an engagement tradition."

"aren't ya glad to see me?" he gives you a sly smile

"what brought ya here?" you grit your teeth , looking up at him

"i came here for ya."

"for me?"

"to save ya."

"from what?" your patience is thinning

"well i couldn't let ya get married to someone like 'im could i?" he chuckles "not after the love we had for eachother."

"jeremy." you pinch the bridge of your nose "that was years ago," you try to not raise your voice "do ya even know who i'm marrying?"

"oh i do."

"ya do?" you laugh "and ya thought trying to convince his fiancée to run away is a good idea?"

"you're making a mistake."

you just look up at him, laughing. "jeremy, ya slept with your sister in law, i don't think you're qualified to give me any kind of guidance."

"i'm a changed man" he leans down to whisper to you

"no you're not!" you let out an angry breath , trying to compose yourself "what do ya think tommy shelby would do if he found out you're here? hmm?" you hiss at him

"i love ya." he looks at you, his eyes bore into yours , inching closer

"oh my god" you put a hand over your face, turning,

"i do, i can't let ya go" he hand touches your arm

"oh my fucking god!" your voice becomes high pitched , your eyes opened wide "why are ya still talking? do ya want to get killed?" you whisper angrily, keeping your voice down

"i can't let ya do this" he begs , he pleads

"yes ya can, ya just walk away" your hands wave at the door

"did ya not hear what 'appened to his first wife?" his nostrils flare in frustration

your jaw slacks , you feel as if your eyes would bulge out of their sockets

"do ya know what would 'appen to ya if he heard ya say this?" your voice is low.

he closes his eyes, licking his lips before speaking "look..."

"no" you raise a hand , stopping him before he could get another word in "i don't particularly like ya, but i'm telling ya this as a favor for old times sake" you point at the door "leave , and never come back"

"i'm not leaving ya."

"this isn't a joke, jeremy" you can't help the angry chuckles that keep coming out of you "this is probably the stupidest decision you've ever made."

"do ya want to marry 'im?" his eyes scan your face, studying you

"this is none of your concern." infuriated wouldn't even begin to describe what you felt, "what i do with my life is none of your fucking concern"

"i know ya , this is not something ya would do."

"ya said it yourself, you're a changed man now" you try to explain, "we're different, ya and i are so different now, we are not the same kids we used to be. this isn't what it used to be."

he doesn't say anything else in return, he walks out, shutting the door loudly behind him

you have a hand over your forehead , pacing around the living room, renee is still in her place, watching.

"you brought him here didn't you?" your mother stood in the living room with her hand on her hips, looking you up and down

"mum ... please stop." you stop in your tracks , frustrated "how would i bring 'im here? with telekinesis? i didn't even know he still lives in birmingham for fuck's sake."

she comes closer , gabbing your shoulders "we need to forget this, never speak of it in front of tommy"

"what if he comes back again?" you start to panic "what if he does something worse than this?"

she closes her eyes at the possibility, she doesn't answer.

"this is just what i fucking needed" you turn, plopping down on the sofa

"jeremy is a sweet boy... he wouldn't do anything, would he?" your mum picks at her cuticles nervously ,

you look up with a raised brow "he fucked his brother's wife while we were dating, his brother who by the way raised 'im." you rub at your temple "his moral compass is as useless as that brain of his."

"god, now i know why i always hated him."

"and yet ya wanted us to get married at 17."

"well i didn't want him to knock you up."

"so ya tried to talk me into marrying 'im?" your mother's logic made your head spin faster than it already was "ya know what, forget i asked that" you wave a hand

"what are ya going to do now?" renee finally speaks,

you and your mother look at each other, before looking at renee

"i don't know.." you mumble "i 'ave to go see 'im today, to talk about the wedding venues" you groan, the stress of it all comes back to her

"okay" renee gets up, and sits next to you "ya just act normal, ya get this done, ya forget about it for today and then tomorrow ya try thinking about solutions."

you smile when you step into his office, your hands clasped in front of you, and he's on his chair, a cigarette dangling from his lips.

"why do ya look like that?"

"like what?"

"ya're too happy to see me."

you raise a brow "ya don't want me smiling at ya?"

"ya look possessed." he deadpanned, exhaling a cloud of smoke, his thumb scratching lightly at his lips, hiding his smile

you kiss your teeth, "i hope ya choke in your sleep." you walk up the chair and sit down

he chuckles, looking at you with his head tilted slightly "you'll miss me?"

"believe me , i won't."

"what's wrong?"

your brows pinch together "nothing is wrong"

"really?"

"yes."

"you're a very bad liar."

"i'm just ... tired" you shrugged, your voice squeaked

it's not that you're not used to lying, it's that you have a hard time lying to him

"how's your mum?"

a genuine amused smile pains over your lips, "she's good"

"who told ya?" he nods at you

"who told me what?"

"that i talked with your mother" he continues "was it your two nosy friends?"

"hey hey hey" you put a hand up "don't insult my friends"

"they are nosy, it's the truth"

-

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[kooqitas]

how are we now? ... ★ with: bsk

#pairing: seungkwan X f.reader #synopsis: your best friend show a jealousy towards you after seeing you kissing a random guy... #tags: pwp(!), vaginal sex, friends sex, eating cum, spit as lube, dirty talk, soft dom!bsk, unprotected sex, i little a bit of praise kink? #wc: ~1300 #notes: pls save me boo seungkwan (nd fuck me).

�� m.list | inbox

seungkwan tries to act natural but the truth is that he was freaking out!

he watches you and mingyu getting close and close. actually, seungkwan is not the kinda of guy to show jealousy towards a friend, but being honest, for him you are really more than ‘just a friend’

he has a crush over you for the past two years, since he met you in college. at first he saw you just as a friend, but he fell in love with you…

he bites his own lips when mingyu and you get closer. god, is that possible? the scene is killing him, his breathing heavy.

then mingyu kisses you, in a wild way...

seungkwan's stomach churns, he sees mingyu squeezing your hips, and he can't think. when 

mingyu takes your ass in his hands, seungkwan makes the decision that it’s too much for him to handle. and in the next second, he separates you and pushes mingyu off.

“what are you doing?” you ask.

“nothing, i just… i…”

“just what, seungkwan? are you crazy?”

“you’re drunk, let me take you home!” he looks a pretty angry.

“i’m not dunk, i’m horny!”

seungkwan feels his stomach churning again,mingyu just left when this hole whing started.

“c’mon, you need sleep”

of course he’s lying, you always stayed up late watching movies or playing games when you were at home, it was still early.

“fuck, i hate you, i haven���t kiss anyone like… in months, you ruined it. god, have you seen mingyu?” you yell.

“i didn’t ruin anything… i just…”

“whatever, he’s gone now!”

“good, he didn’t have any right to touch you like… like he was touching”

seungkwan is angry, he feels so jealous that another man touched you, and that fact is clear from the looks on his face.

“but i want a touch”

“then i…”

he certainly wasn’t sober when he started approaching you. that was just the excuse he gave himself.

“you?”

of course the whole scene doesn’t make seungkwan just feel jealous… he is… he is horny.

god, just the thought of mingyu touching your hips touching makes him jealous but… he wants to be in mingyu’s place. and giving the fact that he is not the most sober person at the moment…

“what are you doing?” you ask when you feel his hands touching your waist.

“nothing…” he whispers right next to your ear.

he was very close, and his hand now is touching your hips.

“seungkwan…”

“i just wanted to…”

seungkwan is losing his mind, he could feel your breath.

“what?”

“nothing, i…” he is still close to you. “i just… just… fuck, let me…”

he tries to kiss you.

what’s the surprise?

you kiss him back.

he is surprised, but doesn’t stop. the kiss is getting more and more intense.

“wait. what the hell was that?” you say.

his lips didn’t move away from yours, and his hand is still on your hips, it’s so obvious what is happening.

“i want you, so bad”

“what? since when? seungkwan are you okay?”

“since… two years ago to be honest…”

“is that why you stopped me and mingyu?”

“i can’t accept the idea of some idiot touching you… i want to be the only one doing it…”

it was too much to process, you were still dizzy from the kiss, and fuck, he’s in love with you?

“if i’m being totally honest, i can’t even think properly right now”

“do you… do you want to go to my home?”

“seungkwan…”

“just… let this happen”

maybe is the alcohol? maybe the lust? maybe perhaps the fact that seungkwan is very hot (and a good kisser)? you just don’t know.

the car ride to his house was filled with a lot of silence. seungkwan had his right hand resting on your thigh as he drove, and both your head and his were in a mess at the moment.

when you entered his apartament, you joked about how the house was organized, but he didn't pay much attention, he just took you to the bedroom and kissed you in a somewhat desperate way.

“hey, seungkwan, slow down, i’m not going to run away” you tease him.

"god, you have no idea how desperate i am to fuck you.."

you thought it was a joke, but the next second seungkwan was throwing you on the bed and taking off your shoes

he kisses your ankle, moving up to your calf until he kisses your knee and then your thigh. god, this is crazy! seungkwan’s lips on your body show devotion, and you didn’t even notice that his head, that was once between yours legs, is now close to middle of your leg. he lifts your skirt and kisses your wet panties.

“shit, i lost count of how many times i came imagining that cunt in my face!”

he pulls the lace to the side, salivating at the sight of your pussy exposed to him, it doesn't take five seconds for him to put his mouth there, sucking it as if it were the necessity of life.

you always thought seungkwan was very handsome, but there, between your legs, rubbing his face in your juices, he was the most handsome guy you had ever seen in your entire life.

his right hand pulling your strapless down and when he managed to do so, he rubbed his fingers over your nipple, making you moan.

“i need… god, i really need…” he spits on your pussy.

he took off his own clothes, and you understood, you opened your legs a little wider and let seungkwan penetrate you.

seungkwan on top of you was a sight you would hardly forget, his wet mouth biting and sucking your nipples as he pushed every inch inside… opening you up wide for him.

“you are so wet, fuck, can you feel my fat cock opening your tight hole? my princess being stretched by me?”

when you feels his balls hit your for the first time you moaned so loud that it scared you, and that only motivated him.

and he shoves once, twice, three, and on the fourth time he couldn't keep things slow any longer.

you knew seungkwan was strong due to the gym, but you didn’t expect him to fuck you as hard as he was doing at that moment.

“my pretty princess, you're going to be my toy now, hm? my personal whore”

and then he stimulated your nipple again, making your eyes roll back.

“can i fuck you all day now? please say yes, say that your cunt is mine!”

in all of the two years that you have know him, you never thought that you’d hear him talking in a such dirty way to you, however, it would be a lie if you said that you weren’t enjoying it.

“i want make you cum everyday, with every part of my body, my fingers, my cock, my mouth, my thigh, i will make you cum in every room and piece of furniture in this house”

seungkwan grips your hips tightly, the bed shaking with the speed at which things happened.

“i’m gonna-” you scream.

“oh, wait, please, can you wait? be my pretty girl and wait!”

you didn't understand why seungkwan asked you to wait, because in the next second he removed his fat cock from you and jerked off a few times, cumming on your belly.

he takes a deep breath, his body a little soft, and then he bends down, putting his tongue back into your hole (now opened by him).

“please, cum on my tongue, god, i need feel you so bad”

his arms made a kind of lock on your leg, you could barely move, and that was great because the next minute you were cumming.

“so sweet, so good!” he said as he swallowed every drop of your juice.

〰

“how are we now?” you ask.

“i know you are not feeling things in the same intensity, i won’t force you into anything. but can i at least take you on a date?”

“oh, even two if you want…”

everything would be fine, seungkwan is your best friend… (and future boyfriend, of course).

[tiramisuucakeee]

A VERY BAD REP, AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN ★

( 420! reader x playboy! heeseung )

IN WHICH : at an exclusive private school in the city, where rich kids thought they ruled the place, heeseung finds out the girl who cheated off of him on an exam and could probably get him expelled, has an even worse reputation than him, and she doesn’t seem to care about what he thinks or says.

WARNINGS: drugs, sexual content. +18.

BTW: tried my best to represent my king fanon suna rintaro in y/n. i haven’t smoked in so long….. it’s been 30 years (2 weeks)….. i’m starting to forget the feeling (girl got sober) ….. ok so basically i dramatized everything cause it’s a fanfic okay, don’t think i take all the stuff i wrote pls and ew i wil never ever write smth like this again, i’m a fluff writer TT

WC: i aint counting allat

read more !

they say opposites attract, even in love, and for him, it’s always been true. he’s into quiet, delicate girls, the type who never speak up and just go with the flow. but no matter how sweet they are, heeseung drops them without a second thought, like they’re nothing more than a momentary distraction after getting what he wants from them. so how did he end up in a situation where it was him doing the chasing? he never really thought he'd have to, ever.

it was almost funny, laughable even. he, of all people, accused of copying on an exam? and now facing the possibility of being expelled if he didn’t find a way to make it right? it was the kind of mess he never imagined getting into.

yes, he was a player and toyed with girls’ feelings for his own benefit, but that was it, he would never dare to stain his behavior record and affect his reputation with the school. he knew his family would kill him if he did, they were the type to always put on a face for others and everyone thought they were this perfect little rich family of three, that went on the most expensive trips and could buy anyone and anything.

he could still remember the teacher’s harsh words blaming him for this. ‘miss y/n has an impeccable record of approved grades in my subject, while you, mister heeseung, barely scrape by. and in this exam, it’s your first grade above a 90. you both share the same exact answers, the same solutions. that leaves me to think you copied off her. i suggest you stop denying it and accept the punishment of suspension. if not, i’ll have no choice but to speak to the principal about expelling you from this school. and your father won’t be able to save you from this one again with donations.’

heeseung slammed his locker shut with a fury, the sound echoing down the empty hallway as the final bell rang. his mind raced, thoughts spiraling. what was he going to tell his family if he actually got expelled? his family reputation couldn’t fix this. the idea was unthinkable, impossible. he wasn’t about to let something he didn’t do ruin everything. he wouldn’t accept it. not without a fight.

he’d stolen the cheat sheet, that much was true. but copying off another student? he would never do that. he had his pride, after all. the problem was, he had no idea how you’d ended up with that paper. how did you get your hands on it? and why the hell had you not even thought about changing one single answer to be slick? his mind was racing, but he wasn’t about to let anyone think he was that stupid.

heeseung had never even bothered to look your way since you got to the school a year and a half ago in your leather jacket and sunglasses. your parents knew each other but you weren’t the type of person he’d ever hang out with. he did know about a guy having a fling with you, and honestly, it almost drove him insane. word has gotten out you had almost driven him to the point of seeking professional help to be sane. but that wasn’t even the worst thing said about you. even with your father’s reputation and money, you weren’t safe from being on people’s mouths as the daughter he never wanted.

what made everything even more difficult was that he had no idea how to make you admit it was you. he didn’t have your number, didn’t know anything about your schedule except for the one class you both shared. confronting you in person seemed like a disaster waiting to happen. he couldn’t risk you turning the whole thing around, making him look like the bad guy while you played the victim. it would be just his luck.

he had never felt so completely taken advantage of. it was always him who used people, who knew how to manipulate them into giving him exactly what he wanted. yet here he was, losing his mind over a girl he’d never even spoken to. it was ridiculous, and it pissed him off.

as the next day rolled around, he was still consumed by it. before the first period, he stood by the stone lion statue on the entrance of school, leaning against the wall next to jake and sunghoon, waiting for karina and wonyoung, as they mindlessly talked about a new prada backpack sunghoon bought yesterday. but heeseung’s mind kept drifting back to the mess with you, he tried to push it aside, focusing on the usual routine. still, the more he tried to forget, the more it nagged at him.

just as he was about to ask jake about you, since he always seemed to know everything about everyone, he stopped himself. no way was he going to ask his friend for help and look uncapable of solving things. he needed to figure this out on his own. instead, he turned his thoughts to how he could find you before the shared calculus class at the end of the day. he had to get to the bottom of this, and fast.

"heeseung!" a cheery voice called out, pulling him from his thoughts. he looked up to see karina dragging wonyoung along, both of them heading toward him, their little red-bottom heels clicking against the pavement. karina flashed him a big, playful smile and waved enthusiastically, her energy cutting through the tension that had been building all morning.

“damn it, it’s too early in the morning for this,” heeseung muttered, rolling his eyes as they approached. jake, who had been watching the whole scene with a smirk, nudged him in the ribs. “that girlfriend of yours, man,” he teased. heeseung just shot him a glare, clearly not amused.

the two girls made their way toward them, but just as they were about to reach the group, a loud, roaring engine cut through the morning air. before anyone could react, a sleek motorcycle zoomed in, blocking their path. the rider revved the engine once more, making it clear they weren’t going anywhere until they dealt with them.

"woah, what’s goin on?" sunghoon asked, clearly impressed by the person who had the guts to stop karina and wonyoung in their tracks. he wasn’t the only one taken aback. everyone was staring as the motorcycle came to a halt. little did they know, the rider was someone heeseung had been obsessing over all morning, someone who could probably ruin both karina and wonyoung’s face with just one single punch. the tension in the air shifted instantly, and heeseung felt his heart race, but not for his girlfriend’s safety, instead, for the person who rolled around.

the motorcycle she was riding was imposing, big, dark, and matte, with electric blue accents. the kind of bike that screamed power and danger. it looked like something straight out of a movie, designed to intimidate, just like its rider. there was a certain energy about her, something that made everyone around tense up instinctively. she didn’t need to say a word to command attention. her presence alone was enough to make even the most confident shrink back.

but they still stepped closer, followed by a crowd of other students who knew exactly who was under the helmet. everyone was eager to see what would happen next.

you pulled off the black helmet, letting your hair tumble out as the cold morning air hit your face, sharpening the already obvious irritation in your expression. there was an undeniable edge to your aura, something fierce and untouchable, like you thrived on chaos and didn’t care who knew it. the way you stood, calm but dangerous, with an almost predatory confidence, made it clear you weren’t here to play nice. karina glanced around, clearly uncomfortable in the middle of a confrontation she’d rather avoid, but she couldn’t deny what she had just done, not going unnoticed by you.

not letting her get the first word, you swung off your motorcycle, your movements sharp and deliberate. "you bitch, are you insane?" you shot at her, pointing a finger directly in her face. the students around you quickly scrambled, eager to capture what might turn into a full-blown fight. for the students watching, it was like something straight out of a teen movie. the popular ‘it girl’ of the school facing off against the infamous ‘bad girl’. a label you despised even more than the people who threw it around. the rich kids were convinced you were a bad person just because you got high 8 out of the 7 days of the week, dressed in black and liked to waste your money getting inked.

"what are you talking about?!" karina stammered, stumbling back as she grabbed wonyoung’s hand, who seemed ready to shrink behind her in panic. they both looked like dolls, dressed in couture clothing and expensive hair accessories.

you scoffed, the memory of what happened earlier still fresh. "don't play dumb with me," you shot back, eyes narrowing. "you're the one who threw food on the road to school from your little convertible. god, are you even intelligent enough to drive?!” karina’s face flushed with embarrassment, not thinking you would actually confront her like this, and for a moment, she looked like she might deny it. but instead, she opened her mouth. "well, i guess i should have thrown it at you then, instead of the road, since you always like to be dirty, don’t you?” she laughed, looking down at your worn out shoes, which were sluthered with mud.

"dirty?" you cut her off with a bitter laugh. "you want to talk about dirty?" your voice dripped with sarcasm. "i’m not the one with half of the school’s dicks down my throat, while embarrassing myself chasing a guy who, the only thing he likes about me is fucking, because it’s the only time i will stop being annoying, how ‘bout that?”

“well, it’s a shame that you don’t have a face pretty enough to even attract a normal guy’s attention. i have seen you hanging around with those shaggy and dirty stoner animals from your old school you call men, having sex in the middle of an alley, all high and out of their minds, huh,” she insisted, pointing at you up and down.

“you’re so full of shit karina, and it’s sad. as if you’d ever find someone that actually likes you, to listen to you talk for more than ten minutes.” you threw her a pitiful look. the students around you shifted uncomfortably, some of them glancing at each other as the tension in the air grew thicker. wonyoung, still holding onto karina’s hand, looked like she was about to step in, but karina pulled her back. “i don’t care what you think, i’m rich, i’ve got tons of friends and i’m pretty, and you have always been jealous of me, just what is your problem?”

you stepped closer, your gaze never leaving hers. “like i care about your dad’s money wash karina, don’t get too carried away, it takes more than money to make someone feel less than you,” you smirked, looking at her up and down. you stepped dangerously closer quickly, making her stumble back once again and shriek, gripping onto wonyoung’s arm even stronger.

“but it will pay your facial reconstruction bill if you keep fucking with me, got it?” you said quietly, but with a force that made the words hit harder than anything else. before she could snap back, wonyoung pulled at her sleeve, whispering something in her ear. karina hesitated, then exhaled a long breath. she wasn’t stupid, karina has seen what ‘kinds of people’ you hang out with, and how bad the other person gets out of a fight with you, she was always quick to insult you, but never to continue fully.

"okay, fine. you want to clean your little tricycle?" karina said, trying to act nonchalant, taking out a huge bill from her purse. "here, i don’t care, just go back to where you came from." you took the bill karina handed out harshly, splitting it in right in the middle, making her gasp, and look at the money falling on the ground, feeling totally humiliated.

not saying anything else, you turned back and mounted the motorcycle again, revving it in a way for the students around to step back, and open way for you to continue your morning, not daring to get in your way. you sped off, the roar of your bike fading into the distance of the parking lot. the boys lingered for a moment before finally making their way over to karina and wonyoung, concern written all over their faces. "you girls alright?" sunghoon asked, glancing at both of them.

karina shot him a frustrated look, her arms still crossed defensively. "yeah, whatever. i'm fine," she muttered, though her voice was tight. wonyoung stayed quiet, looking more shaken than usual, as if still processing the encounter.

the boys exchanged a few more words of reassurance, but heeseung barely heard them. his mind was miles away, consumed by the memory of you. your sharp words, your defiant stance, the way you’d made it clear you weren’t to be messed with. he couldn’t shake the image of you. he couldn’t let it go. not now. heeseung was used to being in control, used to getting what he wanted without a second thought. but you, you were different. there was something about you that made him want to find out more, something about the way you handled the whole situation that had him itching to confront you, face-to-face, but he knew he couldn’t, not unless he wanted to hear karina yell at him nonstop in a fit of jealousy.

"you good, man?" jake's voice broke through his thoughts, and heeseung looked up, blinking. "yeah," he said, trying to shake off the feeling. but deep down, he knew he wasn’t really fine.

as the day went on and classes shifted, lunch break came to an end, and before long, it was time for the dreaded calculus class. you sauntered to your seat at the back of the classroom, right by the window, and dropped into the chair. with a bored sigh, you pulled out your phone, scrolling through it without a care, eyes barely glancing up. it was weird seeing you stick around this long on a school day. usually, you’d slip out early or roll in late, and no one ever said a word. you never had too many absences, always acing every exam. and for that reason, the teachers didn’t question it, because you had this way of making it look effortless, like the rules didn’t even apply to you.

as the class dragged on, something landed softly on your desk, just a small note. you glanced over and saw the girl next to you, the one with the big round glasses, her eyes wide with nervous energy. the second you looked her way, she flinched, shrinking back into her seat. she quickly pointed to the guy sitting next to her, her face practically pleading for you to read whatever nonsense he’d scribbled.

you gave him a weird look, your brow raised in silent confusion, before you slowly unfolded the note, your fingers moving deliberately as if you had all the time in the world. it read, ‘what do you think you’re doing? why did you copy off of me on the exam?’

you snorted at the message, and instantly, the memory hit you. it was the first time you’d let yourself go, forgetting about grades, staying way too long at some random house drugging yourself with something new, until blackout, two days away from home in your ride. you hadn’t made it back in time to study, so you did what you had to do. you texted a contact at school to get you the test. lucky for you, he knew someone in your class who had managed to steal the cheat sheet, and just like that, you had it in your hands.

‘none of your business’ you wrote back, your fingers moving quickly as you folded the note and slid it over to the girl. she hesitated for a second, then took it from you, passing it to him discreetly like it was some kind of underground deal.

a few moments later, the note came back to you. you unfolded it, and your eyes scanned the words. ‘you have to admit you cheated off of me, i’m risking expulsion.’ as if you actually gave a damn about his risk. you shot him a cold glance, then made a subtle motion with your hand, signaling for him to follow you out of the classroom, while you carried your belongings, not planning on returning.

after a few seconds, he finally slipped out of the classroom, meeting you in the empty hallway. "hey, so i really need you to admit you cheated off of me, i could get suspended, even expelled, and i'm not willing to take that kind of punishment for you," he started, his voice full of desperation. but you didn’t let him finish. you raised a hand, cutting him off, and his words trailed off as he stood there, waiting for you to say something.

"i’m sorry, who even are you?" you asked, shaking your head, genuinely confused. "i’m still trying to figure out why you think i’d ever admit to cheating on a test for you." your voice was casual, like the whole situation didn’t even faze you.

"because you did," he said, his tone dripping with self-righteousness. "it’s the right thing to do. you need to get suspended for cheating off of me." he smirked, as if he was the one holding all the power now. "and if you don’t, i’ll just tell them i caught you fucking someone in the bathroom for the test answers or something. you wouldn’t want that, would you?" that made you laugh.

"okay, listen, mr. whoever-you-are," you said, raising an eyebrow, "i’m not doing shit for you. after all, it’s my word against yours, which i’m guessing doesn’t mean much, considering you're the one getting blamed for cheating." you leaned in, a smirk playing at your lips. "and as for the fucking thing? i’ve been caught plenty before. the worst they’ll do is throw me in detention. so go ahead, do as you please." you poked his shoulder, the gesture almost mocking. he stood there for a second, his smile fading as he processed what you'd said. you could tell he wasn't used to being called out like that, or having the cards reversed, but then he leaned in, his voice lowering, like he was trying to pull some kind of play.

"you know," he said, his tone smooth, "a pretty girl like you... you don't really want to be known as the one who got away with cheating. people would start talking, saying you’re not enough for a school like this, wouldn't they?" he stepped closer, his eyes scanning you like he was sizing you up, "but hey, i get it. you don't want to get caught up in more drama. maybe i can help with that... if you just admit it was you."

this couldn’t be happening, you just wondered how in the world did this guy not know of your reputation, he was embarrassing himself so much at the moment. no boys in school got near you for that exact same reason, and here he was, thinking he could word his way into manipulating you, as if you didn’t know how to play your own game. you were known for being this maniatic crazy bitch with a motorcycle, who hang out with ‘lowlifes’, knew how to fight and that was only useful to get drugs from, also probably slept around with teachers because they didn’t think you’re smart enough to study. you’ve been told so many things, that what he said didn’t even bother you.

you rolled your eyes, clearly unimpressed. "oh, so now you're trying to play the good guy card?" you laughed dryly, leaning against the lockers. "nice try, but i'm not some stupid girl you can sweet-talk into doing something."

he chuckled, clearly not giving up. "come on, baby," he said, his voice turning smooth and almost coaxing, "we both know you like the thrill of a little risk. how about we make a nice deal, you admit it was you, and maybe we... hang out sometime. you know, just us. could be fun."

you raised an eyebrow, rolling your eyes again. "wow, really? you are so considerate of me, but no, i don’t want your reduce reuse recycled dick, i'm not interested."

he stepped closer again, trying to intimidate you, but you weren't moved. you just pushed him back with a lazy finger, eyes never leaving his. "you clearly don’t know what you’re doing, or even how to talk to me," you said, voice dripping with mockery. "i'm not impressed. i’ve seen your type a hundred times. and it's honestly fucking pathetic."

he frowned, his jaw tightening, but you didn't care. you weren't here for his tantrums. "seriously, you think this is gonna work on me?" you continued, your voice low and sharp. "you're the one who's gonna look stupid if you keep pushing this. i'm not gonna admit. and if you keep threatening me, we can always settle this another way, i’m sure you know how to fight with those big boy muscles right?" you squeezed his arm, making heeseung shudder, almost feeling a tingle.

you turned to leave, tossing him a final glance over your shoulder. "good luck, though," you added, your voice flat. "i'm sure your suspension month will be really fun." you tossed over your shoulder, voice dripping with sarcasm. "but don't worry, you probably already have a few girls your way to help you feel validated and accompanied."

heeseung just stood there, watching you leave and soon disappear onto another hallway, probably escaping classes. but that did not worry him, we couldn’t let himself worry over a girl like you. you would clearly never fall for his words. guys like heeseung, we’re almost like easy prey for you. too weak and easy, thinking they dominated the whole world, fucking around with girls, throwing massive parties and golfing every sunday with their dad. when in reality they probably didn’t know how to unclog a toilet.

they pissed you off so much, he pissed you off, and now your day was ruined. so almost two hours later, you found yourself on a complete different town to the south, entering an worn out house, kicking the door open. the house brought back many memories, too many. from when you lived here, and not back with your father, in a place you didn’t belong.

"who's here?" a slurred voice called from the kitchen, barely cutting through the thumping music. the place reeked of stale smoke and something sharper, like bleach or chemicals. dim, flickering lights barely illuminated the clutter, casting long shadows over cracked furniture and empty beer cans. scattered on the floor were people, sprawled in various stages of oblivion, some twitching, others motionless, all trapped in their own haze. the walls, stained and peeling, seemed to pulse with the low vibrations of the bass, as if the house itself was barely holding it all together. the house which was previously your mother’s, was now just a usual abandoned place that your friends utilized to hang out in.

"damn, this place is a mess. why didn't you wait for me?" you muttered, stepping into the kitchen. your friends were slouched around a grimy breakfast table, barely looking up as one of them finished snorting white lines off the edge. the counter was littered with crumpled pink blunt wrappers.

"yo! gigi, stop the music!" yeonjun shouted, sniffling as he shot up from his seat, stumbling a bit before he lurched forward to hug you. he almost tripped over his own mismatched-socks covered feet, but when he finally reached you, he inhaled deeply, as if your scent, clean and free of any substances, was a breath of fresh air in the chaos of the room. his grip tightened for a moment, his eyes flickering with a mix of relief.

"i’m not your bitch," giselle muttered, rolling her red-ish eyes as she leaned over to turn down the blaring music. her long acrylic nails clicked sharply against the plastic radio, the sound cutting through the tension in the room. she barely looked at yeonjun as she did it, her expression more annoyed than anything else.

you laughed at her comment, shaking your head, and then moved to hug her, pushing yeonjun off you in the process. he stumbled back, slightly irritated but too dazed to really react, while giselle’s stiff posture softened just a little as you wrapped your arms around her. her eyes flickered with something close to annoyance, but there was a hint of a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. you pulled away from giselle, giving her a teasing look. "so, what's the plan for tonight?" you asked, shifting your attention to the other strangers in the room, as they lazily got back to their own little worlds. yeonjun was still rubbing his nose, barely paying attention, while giselle just shrugged, taking a drag from her cigarette before flicking it into an ashtray.

“we’re hitting that party in the hill later,” she said, her voice flat but laced with anticipation. "gonna get crossfaded, maybe do a little more. jay’s been asking about you non-stop, by the way." she giggled. you raised an eyebrow at that, crossing your arms. "jay?" you repeated, a little surprised. you didn't think he’d be the type to obsess over anything, let alone you. "what does he want with me?"

she leaned back in her chair, a mischievous glint in her eye. "he’s obsessed you and your dumb tattoos. that night you two spent together? yeah, he can’t stop talking about it.” she paused, letting the words hang in the air like a secret. “guess he’s got a thing for you.”

you snorted, leaning against the counter, trying not to let it bother you too much. it was funny, people you’ve slept with always seemed to fixate on your exterior. but jay? he was a different story. you didn’t really care about whatever weird little crush he might have, though. he was now from a different crowd, and would never cross that line to be with you.

“he does know i changed schools right?” you said. your new school was a whole different world, elite, private, a playground for the wealthy and connected. kids with silver spoons, flashy cars, and tailored suits. a lot of them were insufferable, like karina, but you didn’t mind. it was easy to stand out, to be yourself in a place where most people just followed the rules. since your mother disappeared and your dad took you back, you’ve been placed in a world you don’t belong, and clearly don’t mind not belonging.

they had their porsche, you had your r7. they had private security, and you had your little hello kitty knife. but here, with giselle and the others? it was different. a lot more laid-back, the students knew how to have fun without all the airs and graces of your new world. they were down to earth, fun, and honest, none of the pretentious bullshit that came with being surrounded by rich kids. they had their flaws, sure, but you loved hanging out with them. it was like coming back home after a long trip to a hotel casino, where everyone was more concerned with status than actually living.

giselle noticed the shift in your mood and grinned, as if reading your thoughts. "i know, i know," she said, her voice softened, almost sympathetic. "but, hey, you're still cool with us. we don’t care about your new rich kid school. we’re just down for a good time."

"yeah, alright. i’m down. just don’t expect me to get too crazy, my dad’s expecting me before five am, he knows how shit goes here,” you let out a quiet sigh, glancing over at yeonjun who was now half-focused on his phone, tapping away furiously with his thumb. "so, i’m guessing you’ve already got the stuff lined up for tonight?" you asked, a smirk tugging at your lips.

he looked up at you, still slightly dazed, and nodded. "yeah, i texted my guy next door. he’s got everything we need. should be ready by the time we leave."

“don’t worry, i’ll go,” you didn’t need to ask twice. despite your better judgment, you were already used to this kind of thing. you pushed off the counter, giving giselle a nod. "i’ll be back in a minute, you both stop inhaling shit and try to sober up, i’m not a babysitter," you said casually, already walking toward the door.

"take your time, don't get too caught tho," she called after you, voice almost playful, but with that edge of concern. the door slammed shut behind you, and you stepped out into the cold evening air. it wasn’t far, the dealer’s place was literally next door, tucked behind a run-down convenience store that no one seemed to go into.

the door to the small house was already cracked open when you arrived. you knocked lightly, stepping back to make sure no one would spot you. a moment later, a guy with messy hair and a hoodie poked his head out, his eyes scanning you quickly before he motioned for you to come in. "yo, what’s up?" he greeted, his tone laid-back but sharp, like he had done this a thousand times before

“yeonjun sent me," you said, slipping inside. you didn’t need to say much, his face lit up as soon as you mentioned the name. yeonjun was a regular here, always popping in for one thing or another. the guy didn’t ask too many questions, which was fine by you. "right, right," he said, disappearing into a cluttered room at the back. you heard the rustle of plastic, the clink of glass. he returned with some small bags of pills in his hand, sliding them across the counter. "this should be good for the night. tell yeonjun he owes me. i threw a little present in there for you, pretty."

you nodded with a smile, taking the bag, your fingers brushing against the cool plastic. it was always the same, but you still hated the feeling of this whole transaction, sketchy, rushed. "thanks," you muttered, seeing a little extra, and slipping the bags into your jacket pocket before heading back toward the door.

"catch you later," he called after you, and you didn’t bother to respond.

as you headed back toward the house, the night started to feel more like a blur of its own, the sun setting into a canvas of dark and light colors.

when you pushed the door open again, giselle was already eyeing you, her arms crossed and a smirk playing on her lips. "got it?" she asked, and you gave a quick nod. "yeah, we’re good to go," you said, tossing the bags onto the table where yeonjun had plopped back down. he gave you a lazy thumbs up.

the party was exactly what you’d expect from a house like this, small, run-down, but buzzing with an energy that could only come from a group of teenagers living for the night. the kind of place where people got high, drunk, and fucked without any care in the world. the walls were covered in posters and graffiti, the floors littered with empty bottles and crumpled cans. music thudded through cheap speakers, competing with the chaotic chatter and the occasional shout of someone daring someone else to do something ridiculous or threatening to start a fight.

when you, yeonjun, and giselle arrived, the front door was wide open. keeho was standing there, practically bouncing with excitement, already tipsy from whatever he’d been drinking. his hair was an absolute mess, eyes slanted and tired-looking, and he had lipstick stains all over his neck, but his grin was infectious as he waved you over.

“yo, rich girl! you made it!” he exclaimed, his voice a little slurred, and he pulled you all in for a quick, sloppy hug. "was starting to think you forgot about me, we gotta get you three started!" without missing a beat, keeho grabbed a half-empty bottle of cheap vodka from the floor and shoved it into your hands, urging you to take a swing. his laugh was loud and carefree, and it felt like you were already swept into the madness. you hesitated for a second, but then shrugged and tipped the bottle back. the burn of the alcohol hit the back of your throat, sharp and bitter, but it didn’t matter.

giselle grinned and knocked back her own drink, wiping her mouth as she handed the bottle to yeonjun, who eagerly took a swig, his eyes already glazed over. keeho’s grin only widened, as if he had orchestrated some kind of victory. “hell yeah, let’s go!”

you all pushed past him into the house, the noise of the party almost overwhelming at first. in the main room, there were already people sprawled on couches, a couple of them making out in the corner, while others lounged around in various states of intoxication. the air was thick with the scent of weed and sex. “okay, so, knowing you yeonjun, hotboxing only in the basement bathroom, i don’t want to repeat what happened last month in my room,” keeho turned to your group with a serious face all of a sudden. yeonjun rolled his eyes and started arguing, and giselle joined in, making you leave the scene relentlessly.

as you wandered further into the house, you spotted jay almost immediately. he was leaning against the wall, a drink in his hand, his eyes scanning the room until they landed on you. the second he saw you, his entire demeanor changed, his gaze locked onto you with a sharp intensity, like you were the only person in the room. you couldn’t help but notice it. there was something almost obsessive in the way he watched you, his lips curling into a small but knowing smile. you weren’t sure if he was just drunk or if it was something more, but you knew he wasn’t just here for a good time. he was here for you.

“hey,” jay said as you approached, his voice low and a little too eager, like he was trying to hide just how much he wanted to pull you into his orbit. “glad you showed up. i wasn’t sure if you would.”

you raised an eyebrow and took the drink from him, taking a sip, already sensing the weird energy from him. "you act like i'm some kind of mystery," you said, your tone light, but there was a hint of warning in your voice.

jay just laughed, though it sounded a little nervous. he shifted, trying to get closer, but you didn’t exactly encourage it. "no, no. i mean, i was hoping you’d show up," he said, clearly not even noticing how desperate he sounded. "i don’t know. i just... i couldn’t stop thinking about you." his words hung there in the air for a moment, too heavy for what was supposed to be a casual conversation. you glanced away, trying to shake the awkwardness of it. he was just supposed to be a random hook up, and now he was obsessed.

"yeah, i’m too sober for this, i need a minute," you cut him off, shrugging his hand away, your tone sharper than you intended. the last thing you wanted right now was another round of jay following you around again. you managed to slip into the bathroom, the noise of the party muffled behind you. the moment the door clicked shut, you let out a sigh of relief, leaning back against the door for a second, trying to shake off the weight of jay’s attention.

reaching into your pocket, you pulled out your phone, hoping for a distraction. you had been waiting on a text from your motorcycle repair center all night, hoping they'd finally gotten back to you about the part you needed. just as you started scrolling through your messages, trying to ignore the distant thumping of bass and the muffled laughter from outside, you heard the bathroom door creak open behind you. before you could even turn around, you felt a hard bump against your shoulder, someone colliding with you unexpectedly.

"hey!" the voice was sharp, and the tone was ready to unleash a curse. but then, the voice shifted, a more amused, almost playful note creeping in. "wait, hold up, you're cute."

you blinked, turning to face the girl who had crashed into you. she was standing there, eyes still wide with what could’ve been irritation, but her lips were curled into a smirk now. she looked like she was about to say something more, but the words faltered when she took another quick look at you. she was a couple of inches shorter than you, her dark hair pulled into a messy ponytail, with eyeliner that looked like it had been hastily done, smudging a little at the edges. she wore a worn-out band tee, black jeans, and had that 'i don’t care' attitude.

you raised an eyebrow, still holding your phone, but not making any immediate movement. "thanks," you said dryly, not sure if she was being sarcastic or genuine. “ryujin,” she continued, “and you are?”

“y/n, y/n l/n,” you introduced yourself, almost sounding too righteous.

“you good y/n?” she asked, her voice almost too soft, the kind of softness that could break you without a word. “fuck no, i lost my friends and i need to get high right now,” you laughed, running your hand through your hair.

“oh really?” before you could respond, ryujin was already in front of you, close enough that you could smell the alcohol on her breath, feel the heat radiating off her body. “i can help with that,” she whispered, and there was something about the way she said it that made your pulse spike. she was clearly offering something more than simple. she was offering you something you hadn’t tried before.

she reached into her pocket, pulling out something small, a needle. you froze, your chest tightening, but the pull was still there. you weren’t thinking. you were just so desperate, it would happen again, you would take something from a random hot person. the needle gleamed in her hand, sharp and cold under the dim lighting. you didn’t need to ask what it was, she didn’t need to explain. you could already feel it, the ache of wanting something to take you somewhere else, to make this noise in your head stop. you were sick of it.

her eyes flicked to yours, dark and knowing, like she could see straight through you. "you sure?" she asked, but there was no question in her voice. it was more like a dare. your breath hitched, your heartbeat louder than the music. you looked at her, and for a split second, everything felt still. her eyes held you captive, like she was waiting for you to decide whether to break or not. and then, without saying anything, you nodded.

she didn’t hesitate. one swift motion, and the needle was at your arm. the sting was sharp, more real than anything you’d felt. the rush of it hit you instantly. a sudden heat spread through your veins, like fire lacing under your skin. the world around you blurred, the noise fading into the background. you felt something.

it was almost too much to handle, too quick. your body jolted with the rush of it, the sense of floating, of being untethered from everything. and then, before you could even catch your breath, ryujin was kissing you. it was hard, messy, raw. her lips were insistent, pulling you deeper into the chaos, as if she was swallowing every ounce of your pain. it wasn’t gentle, it was desperate. like she wanted to take everything from you and leave you empty, but at the same time, filled.

you kissed her back, caught in the haze, your body responding before your mind could catch up. the high was creeping in fast, too fast, but it felt good. it felt like everything was finally softening, the noise, the pressure, the expectations, all of it was dissolving with every second that passed.

when she finally pulled back, you were breathless. the world was spinning, but in a way that felt almost right, like you weren’t out of control, but floating in some kind of blissful wreckage. “that’s better,” she whispered, her voice low, smoky, and satisfied. “kissing makes you not feel how much this bitch hurts,” she laughed “or so i’ve been told.”

you just stared at her, too buzzed to say anything, but feeling a kind of calm you hadn’t known in what felt like forever. the pain was gone now, swallowed by the buzz, the heat, and the way she looked at you. like you were both on the edge, and neither of you cared whether you fell off. the rush from the needle still pulsed through your veins as you stepped out of the bathroom, feeling a bit unmoored, like your body was drifting through space. the party felt louder, the music a distant thump in your chest. everything was hazy, like you were floating, and the crowd around you seemed to blur, their faces indistinct. you were just moving.

without thinking, you found yourself at the center of the living room, where bodies pressed against each other, the air thick with sweat and smoke. you let the beat pull you in, letting go of the last vestiges of control. you didn’t care anymore, about anything, anyone. you just moved, your body responding to the rhythm like it had a life of its own, and for the first time tonight, you felt alive.

you danced with strangers, faces you didn’t recognize, their hands on your hips or shoulders, the energy bouncing between you all like an electric current. their movements were reckless, free, and somehow, it felt like you belonged here, in the middle of this mess. the high made everything feel vivid. intense. like every touch, every glance was magnified.

a guy leaned in close, his breath warm on your neck. you didn’t pull away, letting him get close enough to whisper in your ear. you could barely understand what he was saying, but his hands were on your waist, tugging you closer. you let him, lost in the sensation of being wanted, of not caring what anyone thought. your body was moving like it was made for this chaos. you didn’t think. you just felt.

the music shifted, the bass pumping harder, and for a moment, everything became a blur of neon lights and sweaty bodies, spinning like a dizzying cyclone. you let yourself get swept up in it, lost in the noise and the movement, until you couldn’t keep up anymore. the energy in your legs started to fade, your body heavy and tired. you were buzzing too much to care, but eventually, your feet were no longer dancing, just shuffling you toward the edge of the room.

you stumbled to a couch, sinking into the cushions with a long, relieved sigh. the room around you seemed to shift, the music muffled now, everything distant, like you were underwater. you tried to keep your eyes open, but the pull of exhaustion was too strong. you just couldn’t fight it.

your head sank into the back of the couch, and in a matter of seconds, you were out, completely, utterly gone. the noise of the party continued around you, but you were far away now, floating in the quiet of your mind, somewhere where nothing could touch you. the high, the spinning, the chaos, it all faded to a distant hum. you were weightless, drifting in nothingness, as everything slipped away.

you woke up the next morning to the harsh sound of someone shouting, the words barely making sense at first. “everyone get up and get the hell out!” keeho’s voice rang through the room, piercing the fog of sleep that still clung to you. blinking, you squinted at the blinding light creeping through the window, the ache in your head reminding you of just how much but so little had happened the night before. and you tried to suppress the feeling of vomiting.

you barely had time to process everything when keeho appeared at the door, his eyes wide in sudden panic when he saw you sitting there, a disheveled mess on the couch. “wait... you’re here? yeon and gigi were crazy looking for you last night,” he stammered, clearly flustered. you could tell he hadn’t noticed you before, hadn’t realized you’d passed out here.

“yeah, i think someone gave me dope, ‘m not sure,” you muttered, trying to shake the sleepiness from your mind. “could use some clothes though. i didn’t exactly plan on crashing here and i gotta get my ass to school or my father will actually kill me.”

keeho nodded quickly, his face flushing in embarrassment as he glanced around the room like he didn’t know where to look. “yeah, yeah, no problem. i’ve got some stuff, just go to my room. there’s a drawer with girl clothes from... you know. just grab whatever.” he gestured to the hallway.

you stood up, a little unsteady on your feet, and made your way toward his room. it wasn’t far, but the house felt like a maze now, the remnants of last night’s chaos still hanging in the air. the stale scent of alcohol and smoke clung to everything, and you could hear people stirring, mumbling groggily as they shuffled about, trying to piece together the aftermath of whatever they did.

keeho’s room was a mess too, clothes and half-empty bottles scattered across the floor, papers crumpled on his desk. you spotted the drawer he mentioned and pulled it open. inside, there were a mix of clothes, some definitely not your style.

you pulled out a small crop top, the fabric soft against your skin as you slipped it on. the shirt hugged you in just the right way, but the way it exposed a sliver of your tattoos on your side gave you an odd sense of power. something about the ink on your skin made you feel more present, more you, even in the haze of everything that had gone wrong in the last month, not listening to your brain. you quickly grabbed a pair of athletic shorts from the drawer, the fabric light and comfortable, though they were a bit tight on your hips. it didn’t matter. you weren’t here to impress anyone.

you didn’t know what you were expecting to feel in that moment, but it certainly wasn’t this. it was a weird mix of exhaustion and emptiness, and so thirsty. but at least you weren’t in yesterday’s clothes. stepping out of the room, you took a deep breath, preparing to face the aftermath.

keeho was still in the living room, shouting at people to get out, his tone half-annoyed, half-caring, like he was trying to maintain some level of order in the madness. he saw you and gave you an awkward wave. “yo, you good?” he asked, trying to act casual.

“yeah, just tired,” you mumbled, rubbing your eyes. “where’s the exit?”

keeho pointed to the door and went back to yelling at whoever was still sprawled on the couch. you weren’t in the mood for much interaction. just get out. get back to the north. you walked toward the door, weaving through the mess of bodies and vomit. the cool morning air hit you as soon as you stepped outside, the bright sun already making the world feel like it had reset itself. everything was sharp, clear. the chaos of the night felt distant now, as if you were waking up from a bad dream.

you tried not to think about it as you walked away from the house, the reality of last night still buzzing in your head. you pulled out your phone and called an uber, the cool screen a brief distraction from the foggy mess of your mind. as you waited for it to arrive, you kept thinking about the night. about the haze, the people, the weird feeling of everything slipping through your fingers. you needed to forget it, or at least stop accepting drugs from friendly girls in bathrooms, you had to stick to smoking-only, or your body would end up on the cover of a newspaper with a bad name. you slid into the back of the car when it arrived, the familiar hum of the engine lulling you into a kind of dull trance as you made your way back to the city.

the ride was quiet, a smooth hum of traffic and soft music in the background. it didn’t take long to get back to the luxurious academy, but as you stepped out of the car and walked through the heavily guarded gates, you could feel the eyes on you. people were already filing into the backyard tables for lunch, and you were late, again.

you didn’t care, though. you didn’t care about anything right now. the school was a blur of clean clothes and sharp faces, everyone looking polished and perfect, the exact opposite of how you felt and looked. you ignored the stares, walking past a couple of your classmates who were giving you the side-eye, their whispers barely audible over the din of voices. but you could feel the weight of it. the judgment. the fact that you weren’t exactly like everyone else here, and they knew it.

you made your way to the lunch hall, where your only acquaintance was already sitting, glancing up as you walked in. chaeryeong’s eyes flickered between you and the time. you slid into the seat across from her, barely noticing the food she'd saved for you. you didn’t have the energy for the usual small talk or the smiley faces she always wore.

“are you okay, y/n?” chaeryeong asked softly. you still couldn’t figure out why she stuck around. maybe it was because you’d protected her in some way, kept her safe from karina and her ridiculous mean girl act. chaeryeong was too kind, too good-hearted. she didn’t deserve any of that. you nodded without thinking, just going through the motions. you took a bite of the sandwich, but the food was tasteless, like everything else was. somewhere deep down, you knew you had to get your shit together, but for now, it was easier to keep pretending that everything was fine.

the real reason why you started being even more reckless than before was simple. you missed her. and you hated yourself for it, for missing your mother, the one who abandoned you a year and a half algo. a part of you wanted to believe this was all a plan for you to move in with your rich father and get yourself a place in society, but deep down you knew she found another family with one of the hundreds of men she slept with every night to be able to pay rent. not like you were actually hurt, though. everything you did, every choice you made, was for her. you liked to think she was in a better place now, not living off of selling herself. in your mind, you had to be your best version, just for her. not for that father you have, which was the first one to actually leave, after hearing the news of your mother being pregnant with you. but karma got him, and now he was stuck with you.

he just lets you be, lets you invite your friends over and make a mess. after all, he has maids to clean up after you. but you weren’t about to be that much of a burden, which is why you pushed yourself to excel academically. your mother always said, ‘every single person is a nobody, no matter how rich or poor. the only thing that makes us different is our drive to be better for ourselves.’

you stand up abruptly, pushing your chair back with a little too much force. "i'm going for a smoke," you mutter, barely looking at chaeryeong. before she can say anything and tell you how drugs are ruining you, you’re already heading out of the cafeteria, your steps quick and determined. you make your way to your locker, your fingers fumbling slightly as you pull out a couple of blunts, the familiar smell of them grounding you.

sliding past the neat hallways, you cut through the back of the school, where the gym equipment is stored, away from the eyes of teachers and nosy students. it’s quiet here, the air thick with the scent of rubber and old wood. you light up without hesitation, the first drag hitting your lungs like a small relief. for a moment, it's just you, the world outside fading into the background. you then take a slow hit, the smoke filling your lungs again, and for a second, it feels like everything slows down. you exhale, watching the thin trail of smoke twist and curl in the air before disappearing. the taste is bitter, but it doesn’t matter. it’s the quiet and that’s important right now.

until it wasn’t. from the corner of your eye, you catch movement, footsteps crunching against the gravel. you look up, and there he is, the guy from yesterday. the same cocky grin, the same aura of someone who’s too used to getting what they want. he was dressed in a faux-fur jacket.

“what the hell…” you watched him get closer, his nose slightly scrunching at the smoke coming out your mouth.

"looks like we started on the wrong track," he says, leaning against the chain-link fence with that insufferable smirk still on his face. "name’s heeseung," he adds, like you should be impressed.

you blink, connecting the dots in your head. heeseung. the rich kid. the usual playboy. and then, it clicks, he’s with karina. the thought hits you like a cold splash of water. of course. he’s here because of her. to bribe you, maybe, or to mess with you, make you look bad in front of everyone. you exhale, the smoke swirling between you as you size him up. "what d’ya want?" you ask, your voice flat, not bothering to hide the growing annoyance.

he wrinkles his nose, taking in the air like he’s just stepped into a dumpster. "really smells like shit here, and you look even worse," he says with a disgusted chuckle, glancing around like he’s considering whether or not to leave. you can’t help but laugh, the sound rough but genuine. ‘he really is a piece of work,’ you think, watching his discomfort. without missing a beat, you take another hit, leaning back against the wall as you blow out the smoke. "maybe it's just you," you say with a smirk, your voice teasing but cold.

heeseung raises an eyebrow, clearly not expecting that response, but you can see the hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. he’s not as untouchable as he thinks. heeseung’s eyes flicker down to your exposed arms and stomach, the tattoos that snake along your skin, and you catch the shift in his expression. he’s staring, but it’s not the way he was a second ago, this is different. "did those hurt?" he asks, his tone almost tentative, like he’s unsure if he should even ask. you raise an eyebrow, glancing at him like he’s just asked the dumbest question in the world.

you stare at him for a long second, then pull in a slow breath. "what do you think?" you say, deadpanning. "of course they did." he blinks, suddenly awkward, rubbing the back of his neck. "right. uh..." he trails off, his gaze flicking around like he’s trying to find something else to say.

"are you cold?" he asks finally, his eyes narrowing slightly at your lack of layers. you’re barely dressed for fall, your shirt thin and your shorts almost too small for the weather. the chill in the air seems to be getting to him more than it’s getting to you. you snort, the sharp edge of your laugh cutting through the tension. "worry about yourself," you mutter, pulling another drag. it’s not like you were cold, it’s more that you weren’t going to admit it to him.

he watches you for a moment, brow furrowed, clearly not buying it. his eyes flicker between your face and the way you’re standing. "yeah, okay," he says, though it sounds more like he's humoring you than agreeing. heeseung takes a step closer, his hands slipping into the pockets of his hoodie as he looks at you with a mix of concern and reluctance. "you know, if you really aren’t fine, i could always-“ he cuts himself off, glancing away for a second, as though considering something before shaking his head. "never mind. it’s not that cold anyway, right?"

“stop trying to make small talk, hedeun-“

“it’s heeseung,” he interrupted, visibly bothered at you getting his name wrong.

“it’s whatever, just tell me what you want, i don’t like spending much time with people like you,” you sighed. “what are you really here for?”

“i heard you sell,” heeseung started, making you let out a loud laugh. “if all you wanted was to smoke, you could’ve just asked me to share, i’m not a monster,” you extended your blunt towards him, but he declined. “i also heard about your mother, and about your old school, and everything about it,” he swallowed, nervously fiddling with his hands, contradicting with his harsh exterior. you raised an eyebrow, the edge of a smirk pulling at the corner of your mouth as you listen to him, the words rolling off his tongue with a strange mix of nervousness and something else, like he’s trying to explain himself but doesn’t really know how. it’s not exactly what you expected, but it’s almost worse.

"is that so?" you reply, voice flat but laced with a quiet venom. you cross your arms over your chest, leaning back slightly as if the conversation doesn’t deserve your full attention. "so, you did all this… research on me, huh? i bet everyone had a lot of nice things to say." it was a weird situation, when you changed schools, all the girls were all over you, excited for a new girl, but as soon as they saw who you were, they escaped, not wanting anything to do with you besides get some smoke and pills.

you couldn’t blame them, you didn’t want to hang out with them either. but karina stayed, until you made the ‘mistake’ of dating the guy she liked at that moment, and since then, she made the promise to destroy your life, if only she could even try.

he seems to falter under your gaze, his eyes dropping to the ground for a moment. "i just... i wanted to understand. i wasn’t trying to judge you or anything. i just..." he rubs his hands together, clearly uncomfortable. "i guess i just thought it’d make sense to know who you are before, well, before we talked again."

you can feel the sharpness in the air, his attempt at an apology or explanation almost laughable. you don’t need his pity. “so, you went and found out about me. what now?”

he looks up at you, a bit of guilt coloring his expression, but it’s hard to tell whether he’s more upset about the fact that you’re not impressed, or that his research didn’t give him the right answers. "i just-" he stops, rubbing the back of his neck again, looking more like a kid who’d gotten caught in a lie than a guy trying to make amends, secretly trying to manipulate you. "i didn’t mean to come off like that. i just... i don’t know how to read you."

your eyes narrow, sizing him up. "well, you can start by not making this about me. whatever you think you found out, that’s your problem." you tilt your head, voice going a little colder. "you’re not the first to assume shit about me. and everything i told everyone on this place about me, is barely the surface, so you can do with that what you want. but i’m not here for your guilt trip."

for a moment, it looks like he might say something else, but he just bites his lip instead, clearly unsure how to break through the wall you’ve just put up. and you’re fine with that. heeseung had no idea why you were being so hard. why he couldn’t get to you like he could with other girls. for some strange reason, he seemed drawn to you, almost as if you were here to save him from the horrible destiny that it is to be with karina. but you didn’t seem the slightest interested in him. and he hated that. he hated the fact that he felt like you were unconsciously pulling him in, but he couldn’t do the same to you.

only, that he could. and he was doing it. you could see it in his eyes, the sparkle for the unknown, you were almost an escapatory for him. from his rich kid, player, facade or maybe his own true personality. you felt the extreme change in demeanor he had since talking to you yesterday, after realizing you weren’t like the girls from his school. he seemed way more open today, and way more relaxed. but you weren’t about to be his little side distraction in his perfect, cushioned life. you weren’t just some novelty.

"good conversation, heeseung," you muttered, clicking your tongue as you stubbed out the blunt against the cement wall you were leaning on, then started to walk away. before you could get too far, you heard him call after you. "hey, wait up!"

you turned back to find a faint desperation in his eyes. "sunghoon's throwing a little something tonight, and i know you don’t usually hang with people like us, but you should come. we might need some of that stuff you’ve got." he gestured to the blunt in your hand. it was almost endearing, how he treated something so simple like it was a secret, like it was taboo. the gap between you two seemed clearer than ever.

“i’ll make sure to get you something good, i hope you can handle it,” you gave him a small smile. heeseung watched you walk away, the weight of your words hanging in the air between you. he was used to girls like karina, who flattered him, who followed him, who played by the rules of his world. but you? you were something else. something he couldn’t quite figure out. he didn’t know why, but something about you made him feel off-balance.

‘you’re not an escapade. you’re not just some distraction,’ he thought to himself, eyes narrowing in confusion. you’re different. something about you. you could ground him. he didn’t know what it was. it wasn’t just the exterior, the rough edges, or the way you didn’t give a shit about his family name or his money. it wasn’t just the way you made him feel like he wasn’t the center of the universe for once. it was everything. the way you looked at him, like he was nothing special, like he was just another guy in a long line of guys who thought they could buy their way into your life.

“but i’m not like them,” he whispered, his jaw tightening, for some reason, he felt as if your opinion about him mattered, as if it would validate him and differentiate him from everyone. his fingers itched as he replayed the way you shut him down, how you were so effortlessly cold, so indifferent to everything he usually took for granted. it drove him insane, but in a way that made him want more.

heeseung's thoughts were interrupted as he heard footsteps approaching. he turned, and there she was, karina, dressed in her usual sleek, effortless luxury. she was all polished skin, perfectly pressed clothes, and a kind of beauty that seemed more crafted than natural. every strand of her hair was in place, her makeup impeccable. she was the kind of girl who seemed born to be admired, the kind who could walk into a room and instantly own it with just a smile. "there you are, baby," she said, her voice smooth and warm, but with an edge of impatience. "i've been looking for you everywhere." her eyes flicked over him, a slight frown pulling at the corners of her lips, probably because she found him standing alone. she wasn't used to seeing him like that. the usual crowd of hangers-on was missing.

heeseung barely acknowledged her greeting, his mind still half on you, half on the uneasy tension you left behind. "yeah, here i am," he replied, his voice distant, distracted. karina raised an eyebrow, noticing his disinterest. “what's up with you? you look like you're a million miles away.” her tone was soft, but there was an undercurrent of concern, or maybe just curiosity. he wasn’t acting like himself, and karina was used to having his full attention.

heeseung felt the instant need to go back to his facade, and gave her a smirk. “i’m just thinking,” he shook his head. karina’s eyes narrowed slightly. "thinking about what?" she asked, as if she wanted to understand what had him in this strange mood he changed all of a sudden. he hesitated, looking off into the distance, towards the empty tennis courts. he didn’t want to bring you up, but something in him pushed him to. "actually," he started slowly, "i’ve been wondering... why do you hate that one girl, y/n, so much?"

karina’s eyes flickered briefly, a subtle shift in her expression that heeseung didn't miss. for a moment, he saw something, just a flash, of discomfort in her gaze, he had been around enough girls to start to notice things like this. it was fleeting, but it was enough to make him pause. she straightened, regaining her composure almost immediately, but he could tell. ‘she’s jealous,’ he realized. not just of you, but of the fact that he was talking to her about you. about you, and not her.

karina stiffened, but only for a second. the smile on her face didn’t falter. ‘it’s fine,’ she thought, ‘don’t overreact. he’s just talking about her because she’s interesting. he’s not actually...’ she couldn’t quite finish the thought. she didn’t want to risk making a scene, not when she was so close to keeping things exactly the way they were. she needed him. she couldn’t let you take him away from her. so she would do her best to portray you as someone horrible.

"i don’t hate her," she replied after a beat, her voice a little too controlled. "i just don’t get her."

heeseung raised an eyebrow, unimpressed by her attempt to deflect. "you’re not fooling me," he said, his tone soft but insistent. "you don’t like her. why?"

karina let out a quiet sigh, her gaze shifting down, away from his eyes. she was debating whether or not to say what was really on her mind. finally, she spoke, her voice low. "she just… waltzes into any group, any situation, with that awful motorcycle and a hand full of drugs, and everyone loves her. no effort. she doesn’t have to try. and i hate that."

heeseung frowned, confused. "what do you mean? i don’t get it."

karina’s eyes flickered with something darker now, the frustration seeping through her composed exterior. "i mean, i work for everything. i work for people’s approval, for their attention, for their affection. i have to try, i have to be the right kind of person, say the right things, look the right way. and then she shows up, all… whatever she is, and everyone just falls over themselves for that druggie. no trying. she doesn’t care about any of it, and still, she gets everything." her voice grew harder, colder, as if she was speaking from experience. "it’s like she doesn’t even have to try, and that’s what pisses me off."

heeseung couldn’t help but study her face, watching the jealousy simmer in her eyes. it was subtle, almost masked by her cool demeanor, but he could see it now, clear as day. karina was used to being the one people admired, the one people worked to impress. and you, someone who didn’t play by any of the rules, someone who didn't care, had that same magnetic pull, without any of the effort. and it bothered her more than she wanted to admit.

karina stiffened, her lips curling slightly. "that’s exactly the problem," she snapped. "she doesn’t belong here, and she thinks that just because her father finally acknowledged her, and suddenly she’s super rich, she can act however she pleases. but it’s not like that."

the thought made him uneasy, but he didn’t show it. instead, he shrugged, his gaze drifting back to where you had disappeared. "i don’t think it’s the money," he muttered, almost to himself. "i think she just is. and maybe that’s what makes her different."

karina didn’t respond. she simply stepped closer, closing the distance between them, but he could feel the slight shift in the air, the way her usual easy confidence had faltered, just a little. "whatever you say," karina finally said, forcing a smile back onto her face. "but just remember, she’s just a low life addict, that’s all she is, and will ever be. you don’t want to get too close to someone like that."

heeseung didn’t meet her eyes. instead, his gaze lingered on the spot where you had walked away, and the words from earlier replayed in his head, the ones that had stuck with him the most, ‘i hope you can handle it.’

later that night, heeseung found himself at sunghoon’s house, though his mind was somewhere else entirely. the mansion was alive with the thumping pulse of bass-heavy music, laughter, and the clink of bottles being passed around. it was the kind of party sunghoon always threw, lavish, high-energy, packed with people who were either too drunk to remember their names or too wealthy to care about anything else. people were dancing in the living room, some on the massive leather couches, others sprawled across the marble floors, playing some ridiculous drinking game. it was a familiar scene, people letting loose, showing off, and pretending to forget the rules for a few hours.

but none of that mattered to heeseung right now. he was standing off to the side, leaning against a wall, a drink in his hand but barely touching it. his mind kept drifting back to you, the way you’d walked off earlier, the way karina’s words had lingered in his head. there was something about you that gnawed at him, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that tonight would be the night that would reveal something important.

he didn’t even know if you’d show up tonight, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it. would you? would you show up, walk through the door with that effortless confidence, and completely flip the energy of the room without even trying? it wasn’t even about impressing people. it was the way you didn’t need to try. you just were. and it was like you could walk into any situation and make everyone else’s chaos feel like it was secondary to you.

he tried to shake it off, pulling his phone out of his pocket to check for something. nothing. his friends were blowing up the group chat, but none of it caught his attention. it was a flurry of photos, plans to leave with a girl, someone complaining about the music being too vulgar, but nothing about you, because you weren’t part of his life. maybe that’s why he kept looking around the room, scanning the crowd, hoping, wishing that you would suddenly appear, even though he knew he was being ridiculous. you probably wouldn’t even care about coming to a place like this. too many people trying to impress each other. too much pretending.

he threw back the rest of his drink on one of sunghoon’s exotic plants, setting the glass down on the nearest table, feeling his mind drift further from the party. he leaned against the wall again, the chatter and music blurring into the background, but his focus remained fixed on the front door. he kept wondering if you'd walk through it.

across the room, jake appeared, grinning wide, holding up two shot glasses. “heeseung! come on, man, stop moping in the corner and have some fun.” he raised his eyebrows, urging him over. heeseung waved him off, still distracted. “i’m good. just got a lot on my mind.”

“yeah? don’t let it ruin the vibe, dude. you’re at a party, not a therapy session.” jake clapped him on the shoulder and turned away to rejoin the crowd. heeseung’s eyes flicked over to the front door again, and he felt that familiar twist in his stomach. ‘she’s not coming,’ he thought, but the doubt lingered. the weird hope that maybe, just maybe, she would show up. ‘she doesn’t belong here, and she doesn’t want to belong here,’ he told himself. this world’s not your scene. but that thought only seemed to make him want to see you even more.

for a moment, he wondered why he cared so much. why was he fixated on whether you’d show up or not? it didn’t make sense. he barely knew you, and yet everything about you felt like a puzzle he had to solve. and now, standing in the middle of this extravagant, noisy party, he felt that pull again, the one that made him question everything, including himself.

he glanced at the door again, half-expecting to see you walk through, but nothing. just the same crowd of people, laughing and drinking, playing their games. maybe you didn’t care about these kinds of parties. maybe you didn’t care about any of this at all.

heeseung pushed through the sliding glass door that led to the backyard, escaping the chaos of the party. the cool night air hit him like a splash of water, and he took a deep breath, trying to clear his head.

the backyard was quieter, but his mind was still buzzing. he was leaning against the brick wall near the pool when he spotted karina on the other side of the yard. she was laughing, leaning into some guy with slicked-back hair, a smile too perfect to be genuine. the guy was clearly into her, his hand resting a little too comfortably on her waist, but karina didn’t seem to care. she was toying with him, teasing him, her eyes glancing over at heeseung for only a second, as if she was trying to make him jealous, but he wasn’t bothered.

heeseung didn’t care. not tonight. the sight of karina flirting with someone else didn’t stir anything in him. he didn’t even feel a spark of jealousy of that guy not being him. it was strange, but in the back of his mind, he kept thinking about you, about how you didn’t fit into this world at all, and yet, you seemed to have more of an impact on him than anyone else in the room.

he was about to turn back to search for jake, when the sound of raised voices cut through the air. it wasn’t just loud, it was intense.

he turned, his curiosity piqued, and followed the noise toward the front of the house. he didn’t know what was going on, but something told him it wasn’t good. as he rounded the corner, he saw the commotion, a guard-like guy, probably hired by sunghoon, was blocking the front door, holding his hand out like a wall. and there, standing just a few feet away from him, were you, fuming, your hands raised in defiance, and your expression unreadable but full of fire.

heeseung’s heart skipped a beat. he couldn’t believe it. you were actually arguing with the guy, not giving a damn about the way he stood there like he owned the door.

“i can’t let you in. you’re not on the list mr. park provided,” the guy was saying, his voice deep and dismissive, clearly not taking you seriously. you, however, didn’t care about his rules or his attitude. "i don’t care if i’m on that fuck-ass list or not, let me in," you snapped, leaning in so close your face almost brushed against his. "move out of my way before i make you."

heeseung watched, a little impressed, a little surprised at how you held your ground. you weren’t backing down for anything, no one was going to push you around. the guy was trying to reason with you, but you weren’t having it. before things could escalate, heeseung walked up, cutting through the tension with his calm presence. the guy looked at him with confusion, but heeseung ignored him, instead turning to you.

“hey,” he said, his voice cool but loud enough for you to hear over the noise. “it’s fine. let her in.”

you stopped, glancing up at him with a look of surprise in your eyes, like you hadn’t expected him to step in. but then your face softened slightly, and he gave a quick, almost imperceptible nod, signaling to the guard that it was okay.

"i said it’s fine," heeseung continued, keeping his gaze on the guy who was still hesitating. "she’s here with me."

the guard’s eyes flicked between you two, clearly unsure, but he finally backed off. “whatever,” he muttered, stepping aside. “but you’re on thin ice, lady.”

you didn’t even acknowledge the guy’s words. you turned without a second glance, and motioned for your friend to follow your lead. “gigi, let’s go,” you said, the confidence in your voice as clear as day.

heeseung blinked, surprised by the sudden appearance of the girl who had been standing quietly behind you the entire time, playing with her nails. you both were dressed in tiny dresses that revealed too much, clearly ready to go somewhere else after this. giselle wasn’t as loud or bold as you, but there was something in the way she carried herself with her salmon colored pin-straight hair and long nails, that suggested she was just as comfortable in her own skin. she followed you without hesitation, taking slow steps toward the door.

the two of you walked together like you didn’t even notice the opulence of the house, the flashy people, or the music blaring from inside. you seemed completely indifferent to the party scene, to all of it, and heeseung couldn’t help but admire it and wonder how had he not noticed you before. while everyone else was caught up in the noise, the drinking, the pretension, you and giselle were just there. not needing anything from this world. not caring about any of it. you only seemed to care about yourselves, about the quiet between you, and maybe that was the most fascinating thing about you.

heeseung was about to say something, but you didn’t even look back at him. instead, you pushed your way through the crowd with your friend, making your way to the kitchen without a second thought. he followed, but kept his distance, not wanting to intrude.

you weren’t here for the party. you were here for you, and he couldn’t help but wonder how long he could keep watching from the sidelines before he, too, would be drawn into whatever world you existed in.

“alright,” you sighed, taking a few small plastic bags from your bra, and a cigarette box. you weren’t any kind of professional underground dealer, but you were still cautious, if not, word would get to your father and it would be a mess.

“i got you, ice, it’s the powder by the way, i got molly, those pills with happy faces on them, and weed… oh, and we pre-rolled them for you, they’re kind of fat, i’m really nice like that,” you smiled at heeseung, seeing him stare at you.

“you good?” you asked, “i didn’t bring anything else, i don’t think you’d even know how to take it,” you stepped back, crossing your arms.

“oh, yeah, yeah, that’s good,” he shook his head, snapping out of his trance. “can i scan-pay you?” heeseung asked, realizing, of course, he didn’t have any cash on him.

“yeah, it’s alright,” you said, pulling out your phone and typing in an amount before switching to a qr code for him to scan. for a moment, you considered scamming him, but decided against it. it would’ve been easy, he didn’t even ask about the prices.

once the payment went through, you flashed a quick, satisfied smile back to giselle. you could already feel happier knowing you would get out of this mansion. as you began to turn away, heeseung’s gaze shifted, his eyes landing on someone across the room. “hold on,” he muttered, scanning the crowd. he spotted jungwon nearby, leaning casually against the wall, chatting with a few people. heeseung grabbed the bags from the counter and stepped over to him.

“hey,” heeseung called, catching jungwon’s attention. “take this to sunghoon, yeah?” he passed the items over, his tone nonchalant. jungwon raised an eyebrow, looking at the bags before meeting heeseung’s eyes. “man, the things you get yourself into for a girl.”

heeseung shrugged, offering a half-smile. “it’s for me. just get it to him. he’ll know what to do.”

jungwon gave him a nod, slipping the bags into his jacket pocket. “got it.”

heeseung’s eyes followed you and giselle as you made your way toward the door, his steps quickening as he caught up with you just before you reached the curb.

“hey, where are you two headed?” he asked, voice casual but with a hint of concern. you looked at him, a little surprised to see him following. “we’re going to the south,” you said, glancing at giselle. “there’s a car race. about half an hour away, and since i had to come all the way up here for you, we’re hoping to make it to the after party.”

heeseung nodded, his gaze lingering on you. “i’ll drive you,” he said, his tone suddenly firm. “we wouldn’t want you, both of you, getting into any trouble out here.”

you raised an eyebrow, skeptical, but too high to argue. you glanced at giselle, who was lighting another blunt, and let out a sigh. "fine," you said, already feeling the weight of the night catching up with you. "i’m not in the mood to call a cab and waste money." giselle shot you a look that was part judgment, part annoyance, but she kept quiet. you could feel her disapproval, but you were beyond caring at this point.

heeseung led the way, and you followed without a word. when you reached the driveway, your eyes widened slightly at the car parked there. heeseung’s car was a sleek, black sports car, the kind that turned heads without even trying. it was polished to perfection, the curves of the body glinting in the dim light of the streetlamp. it was the kind of car that screamed wealth, effortlessly.

“is this yours?” you asked, though you already knew the answer. it was the first time something he had impressed you. heeseung smirked as he opened the passenger door for you. “yeah. pretty sure it’s faster than any cab you’d get out here.”

you shook your head, sliding into the leather seat. giselle climbed in at the back, sitting with her arms crossed, clearly not impressed. she still had that cold, distant air about her when it came to heeseung and his “scrooge mcduck” world.

heeseung didn’t seem bothered. he slid into the driver’s seat, started the engine, and the low purr of the car’s power seemed to cut through the tension in the air. as he pulled out of the driveway, the smooth hum of the car filled the silence between you all.

it was an uncomfortable ride, but at least it was fast, and you weren’t wasting money on a cab. you stared out the window, the city lights blurring by, while giselle stared ahead, looking as unimpressed with heeseung and his world as ever. heeseung, on the other hand, kept his eyes on the road, his expression unreadable. the drive was smooth, fast. but even as he focused on the road, his mind kept drifting back to you.

he glanced over at you, your face illuminated by the streetlights, your expression unreadable. and for a brief second, he realized that he didn’t want this ride to end. he didn’t want to stop being close to you, even if just for a moment.

as you got closer to the south side, the vibe of the neighborhood started to change. heeseung could feel it in the air. the buildings were older, the streets narrower, the houses less pristine than the ones he was used to. the gleaming luxury of his own world felt miles away. his fingers tightened on the steering wheel as he took in the unfamiliar surroundings, a slight unease creeping in.

you glanced over at him, sensing the shift in his energy. “you okay?” you asked, eyes narrowing slightly as you noticed him tense up and grip the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. heeseung didn’t respond at first. he just kept driving, his gaze flicking between the rearview mirror and the unfamiliar streets. it was clear he wasn’t used to this. “yeah,” he said, his voice cool but there was something off about it. “just... not exactly my usual neighborhood.”

you gave him a knowing look, the faintest smirk tugging at the corner of your lips. “don’t worry,” you said, your voice light but with an edge of seriousness. “i’ll protect you, whatever happens pretty boy.”

heeseung shot you a glance, eyes flicking over to meet yours, before rolling his eyes. “i don’t need protection, thanks,” he muttered, but there was an almost imperceptible tension in his jaw that gave him away.

you could tell he was uncomfortable, and it wasn’t just the drive. his world and this one were different in every way, and he was out of his element, but you didn’t say anything. it was clear enough without needing to spell it out. heeseung took a turn down an alleyway, the pavement rough and uneven. he parked the car next to a few other vehicles, feeling the weight of the decision. the streetlights here weren’t as bright, and there was a certain stillness in the air that felt too quiet for comfort. his mind flashed briefly to the idea of getting robbed, but he pushed the thought away, shaking his head.

“don’t take it personally,” you said, reading his discomfort easily. you and giselle climbed out of the car, both of you moving with purpose. “come on,” you said, glancing back at him. “the after party’s just down the street.”

heeseung hesitated, but finally stepped out of the car. the low hum of the engine idled in the background, the sound of the city slowly creeping in around him. he walked behind you and giselle, trying not to seem too out of place as you led the way out the alley.

the party was just around the corner, and the closer you got, the louder the music became. from a distance, it looked like any other chaotic house party, but heeseung could sense the difference. the people were rougher, the energy sharper. it felt like a different world, one he had no real experience in. you shot him a glance over your shoulder as you reached the front door. “you’re fine,” you said, almost as if you were trying to reassure him, though you both knew there was no guarantee of that. you gave him a small smirk before pushing open the door.

heeseung paused at the threshold, looking around. this was a place where he didn’t belong, a world where people didn’t care about money or status. it was raw, unpredictable, and everything in him wanted to retreat, but something kept him standing there. you had pulled him into this world, whether he liked it or not. heeseung followed you and giselle into the backyard, where the atmosphere felt more relaxed, but still lively. the yard was filled with groups of people gathered around, casually chatting and laughing. the air was thicker here, filled with the mix of cigarette smoke and the low hum of music coming from the house.

heeseung couldn’t help but feel out of place as his gaze landed on two guys, who were lounging on a bench, laughing with a couple of girls. their casual demeanor was in sharp contrast to the tightly wound posture he’d been carrying since arriving. they noticed him immediately, their eyes flicking to him, then back to you and giselle. noting he was one of ‘yours.’

“girls, you bailed on us tonight,” keeho pouted.

“we told you we were going to sell at one of y/n new classmates party. your little suicide car race isn’t that important,” giselle rolled her eyes kicking keeho’s shin with her heel, making him hiss.

yeonjun raised an eyebrow and smirked at heeseung, who was still tense, and looked like a mannequin from a golf store. “yo, man, you look like you’re about to shit yourself already. what’s with the stiff face?” he asked, clearly amused by heeseung’s discomfort. keeho chuckled, looking at him with a knowing smile.

“you’re here with her, though,” keeho added, tilting his head in your direction. “so, you’re alright, huh? wasn’t expecting to see you here, rich kid.”

you laughed at his comment, taking giselle’s blunt and taking a drag out of it.

heeseung wasn’t sure how to respond. he wasn’t sure why he felt so out of place. it wasn’t like he had anything against the people here. still, he couldn’t shake the tension in his shoulders. “yeah, just not... used to this,” he muttered, glancing around at the unfamiliar scene.

you caught his eye, noticing the tension that still hadn’t fully left him. with a small grin, you spoke up, your tone light but firm. “don’t sweat it. i said i’d protect you didn’t i? you’re fine. just enjoy the night.”

yeonjun laughed and leaned back, gesturing to the people around him. “we’re bro’s, right? just have a good time. you’re with us now,” he said, his smile more welcoming than teasing.

you and heeseung exchanged a quick look, something unspoken passing between you before you broke the silence with a small smile. “want a drink?” you asked, your tone casual but with an undercurrent of something more, like you were offering him a way to settle in, just a little. heeseung hesitated, glancing around at the people milling about, some laughing, some lost in their own world. he still wasn’t quite comfortable, still felt like an outsider, but the offer was simple enough. he nodded slowly. “yeah. sure.”

you led the way over to a small table where drinks were being passed around, beer cans, a few bottles of cheap liquor, and what looked like a mix of makeshift cocktails. the scene felt different than the polished, curated parties he was used to. you grabbed a bottle of something brown and poured it into a plastic cup, handing it to him. “you’re unlucky, i don’t have any fancy cocktails,” you said with a half-smirk, leaning back slightly as he took the drink.

“thanks,” he muttered, eyeing the cup with a little wariness before taking a careful sip. it was strong. way stronger than he expected, and he quickly forced himself to swallow, trying not to show that it burned. heeseung took another drink, feeling the warmth spread through his chest as the alcohol hit him. the tension in his body started to loosen, but his mind kept swirling around the question that had been nagging him ever since you first crossed his path.

“why are you staying with me?” he asked, his voice quieter than usual, a little more curious as you two settled down on two plastic chairs. “why not go back to your friends? seems like you’d rather be with them.” he watched you for a second as you absentmindedly looked around. for a moment, you didn’t answer, but then you met his gaze, your eyes soft and a little more open than usual, like you were letting him see something deeper.

“because i knew you wouldn’t feel comfortable by yourself,” you said casually, but there was something in your tone, something almost kind, that caught him off guard. you shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, but he could tell it was, at least to you. heeseung blinked, surprised. he hadn’t expected that kind of answer. it wasn’t what he’d imagined, especially with how standoffish you'd seemed earlier. you weren’t trying to be here out of obligation, or to entertain some rich kid from the party.

and then, as the silence stretched on for a second, he noticed something in your manner. something that shifted, just a little. your body language had relaxed, your words were slower, more open. heeseung's gaze narrowed, and he took a longer look at you. “wait a minute,” he said, voice a little more cautious. “you’re high, aren’t you?” he laughed.

“yeah, i’ve been for the last ten minutes,” you admitted with a small laugh, your words softening at the edges. “it’s just the same thing i gave you, though. don’t get all worried on me.”

“so you’re... this you?” he asked, motioning vaguely to the two of you, to the situation, to everything happening around you. “not the one back at the school?”

you shrugged again, but this time it was more relaxed. “yeah, i guess so,” you said, eyes flickering away for a second, like you were deciding whether to share more or pull back. but then, you met his gaze again, almost like you were daring him to say something about it. “i thought i’ve always been me, but now that you mention it. i guess i kind of act with some sort of resentment to you guys,”

he took another drink, then looked at you, his voice softer this time. “why’s that?”

“hard feeling,” you said simply. “family things, but it’s all handled.” you lied, not wanting to open up to him completely yet. there was definitely a change in him, and you noticed it. and in his eyes you could see the slight desperation and need. it was his new demeanour that made him different. you couldn't explain, because words couldn't even clarify what was starting to lure you in.

“heeseung, seriously, i’m opening up to you, and you keep looking at me like you want to fuck,” you said out of nowhere. he instantly tensed up and looked away.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t realize,” he said. it was obvious he didn’t want you to think of him as a player anymore, he was actually trying to please you now. you let out a soft, teasing laugh, leaning back in your chair, knowing exactly what you were doing. you decided to play into his usual game just enough to give him a bit of satisfaction. "do you?"

heeseung immediately turned toward you, eyes widening in surprise as he caught the playful glint in yours. he knew exactly what you were hinting at, but he still tried to keep his cool, pretending to be unfazed. "huh?"

"do you… want to fuck?" you asked casually, watching him with a challenge in your eyes.

his breath caught for a split second, but he quickly composed himself. he opened his mouth, unsure of how to answer, and hesitated. "i… don’t know," he muttered, trying to play it safe, though his voice betrayed a slight crack of uncertainty. you couldn’t help but laugh softly, your head tilting back as you let out a short snort. you met his eyes again, smirking. "what do you mean you don’t know? is it really that hard to say what you want?"

heeseung shifted uncomfortably, clearly trying to play it cool, but the nervousness was obvious. and it was so very clear that he wanted it. he ran a hand through his hair, his gaze flickering away for a moment. "what even is your point y/n?"

you shrugged nonchalantly, your tone lighter now. "nothing, just asking."

after that night, things were different. heeseung wasn't the same. he wasn't playing games anymore, not the way he used to. it wasn’t like he’d suddenly become someone else, but around you, he changed. that distance he always kept, it started to shrink.

you could feel it in the way he acted, the way he’d look at you sometimes when you were talking in class or lunch with your friend, like he was listening for real and not just pretending. he was less guarded, more real with you.

you started meeting up behind the gym often. no one ever really saw you, and that’s how you both liked it. the air was always a little warmer there, the kind of quiet where you could actually talk. you’d smoke, and he’d sit with you, talking about everything and nothing at all. and even when the conversation would die down, there was this comfortable silence between you two. the kind that felt easy, like you didn’t have to fill every gap with words.

one day, he even just showed up at your door, standing there with his dad, holding a gift basket. you froze when you opened the door. heeseung, here, with his dad, visiting your dad. it was almost laughable. you never thought you’d see the day, but there he was, a little nervous, but still trying to act cool.

"uh, hey," he said, like it wasn’t the most awkward thing ever. "my dad was going to visit your dad... said something about business visits or whatever, so i came with him."

you blinked, still processing, then stepped aside to let them in. after that, you both started to realize how much closer you’d gotten. things weren’t just about secret meetings anymore. they were about knowing each other, understanding each other in a way you didn’t before.

heeseung wasn’t a player anymore, not around you. he wasn’t hiding behind any walls or pretending to be something he wasn’t. it was like he was finally letting himself be seen, and you liked that. a lot.

even with all the changes, even with how much closer you two had become, there was still that one thing hanging between you. heeseung was still with karina. it wasn’t like you didn’t notice it. the way they would still walk around school together, the way she’d smile at him when he passed by. there were no obvious signs of trouble, no cracks in their relationship that you could see.

even though heeseung would drop little hints, those quiet, uncertain words when the two of you were alone ‘i’m thinking about breaking up with her…’ it never seemed to go anywhere. he would say it with a kind of vulnerability, like he was testing the waters, like he was hoping you’d say something that would push him in one direction or the other.

you couldn’t help but feel frustrated. there was this constant tug-of-war between what he said to you in private and what he did when the world was watching. it felt like he was trying to keep one foot in both worlds, but you couldn’t help feeling like you were left waiting in the middle, unsure if you were just a momentary distraction or something more. you told yourself you shouldn’t read too much into it. that he was confused, that maybe it wasn’t the right time, or maybe he didn’t have the courage to make the change. but every time he’d tell you he wanted to leave her, you’d see the conflict in his eyes, that quiet desperation to be understood, to be seen. still, he never followed through. he never made the choice.

you stayed friendly, maybe out of habit, maybe because you weren’t quite ready to let go of the connection you’d built. you let him tag along when you hung out with your friends down south at the house. a spot that was more a sanctuary than anything else, away from the world, away from expectations.

heeseung still had that rich boy aura about him, the one that made him stick out in a crowd of worn-out jeans and streetwise attitudes. but your friends didn’t mind. they were good with him being there, even if they teased him a little. mocking his clean-cut appearance, joking about how his designer clothes didn’t exactly fit the vibe. they liked him well enough, though. it was obvious he wasn’t as comfortable with them as he was in his own circles, but he did try. and they did notice how close you’d gotten to him.

“look at mr. fancy pants over here,” yeonjun would joke, nudging him as he sipped on whatever drink was put in front of him. “you sure you’re not lost, rich boy? this isn’t exactly sushi bar territory.”

he’d smile, a little awkwardly, trying to laugh it off, but there was always a flicker of discomfort behind his eyes. he wasn’t like them, not really. they knew it, and he knew it, but it didn’t matter as much when he was there, surrounded by your friends, just being with you.

you’d catch moments, though. quiet ones when he was staring off into the distance, or when his laugh felt a little too forced. you knew it was because he was still stuck. still torn between two worlds, two lives. and you were tired of being in the middle of it. though, what ou didn’t know, that for him it was much more than that. he was stuck between two girls of different worlds. karina and you.

karina wasn’t someone he actually liked, he was just with her for his reputation and his family. but still, he was with her. and you, you were absolutely everything to him. you were the trouble that came along with bad decisions and the reward that came after them.

it all came crashing down one night when you and your friends were hanging out at the house, like you’d done countless times before. the air was thick with smoke, the sounds of laughter and music filling the dim-lit space as everyone just tried to forget for a few hours. it was supposed to be like any other night, a break from everything that weighed you down. but then, out of nowhere, the door slammed open.

sirens wailed in the distance, but it was already too late. the police stormed in, uniformed and angry, their boots pounding against the cracked floors, their voices demanding silence. they didn’t give anyone a chance to react before they were ripping through everything. throwing aside old records, scattering things off shelves, knocking over bottles.

"this is a raid," one of the officers barked, his voice cutting through the chaos. "everything’s getting confiscated."

your heart sank as they swept through the room, destroying everything. things you had no idea they’d even care about. all the memories, the things that had made this place feel like home, were being taken apart right in front of you. your childhood, your sanctuary, was crumbling.

you stood frozen for a second, not sure what to do, but your instinct kicked in. no way in hell. this wasn’t right. you couldn’t let them destroy it all. you rushed forward, intent on stopping them, shouting at the officers to stop, to leave, to just go away.

"who the hell do you think you guys are?! this is my house! you can’t do this!" you screamed, your hands shaking with adrenaline as you tried to push past one of the officers to get to the old furniture, the things that meant something to you. everything in this house had a story, a memory. and they were tearing it down, trying to find something.

but before you could get too far, a hand grabbed your arm, pulling you back. it was heeseung, his grip firm but gentle as he yanked you away from the officers.

“stop,” he muttered urgently, his voice tense. "you’re not gonna win this. they’ll arrest you, they’ll make it worse." even if he was slightly scared, and terrified of getting himself arrested and the word getting to his father, he had to take care of you. he just wondered how they found out about this place, a drug raid was almost impossible, you were within the legal bounds.

you were almost angry at heeseung for not letting you go. in that moment, as the officers trashed everything that meant something to you, the anger bubbled up inside. how could he stand there, calm and collected, trying to hold you back, when everything you cared about was being destroyed? it felt like betrayal, even though you knew deep down it wasn’t his fault. he wasn’t the one doing this.

you tried to pull away from him, your heart racing, your mind spinning. "let me go, heeseung!" you snapped, your voice sharp and furious. " i can’t just stand here and watch them do this! they’re destroying everything!"

but he held you tighter, his grip unyielding. “i’m not letting you make things worse. not like this,” he said, his voice tight but calm, like he knew exactly what you needed, even if you didn’t want to hear it.

you yanked your arm again, almost reckless with frustration. your pulse was pounding in your ears. “why? why are you stopping me? i can’t just let them-” you broke off, your voice cracking. you didn’t want to admit how scared you were, how helpless you felt. in that moment, you realized, there wasn’t anybody there for you. the house of your mother was being searched, and she wasn’t here. and you knew you’re father wouldn’t care.

his eyes softened, and for a moment, you thought he might let go. but instead, he pulled you closer, his voice dropping to something gentler, but firm. “because if you go after them now, you’re just giving them more reason to hurt you. to make it worse. this isn’t the time.”

you hated that he was right. you absolutely hated it.

it wasn’t just about the stuff. it wasn’t just about the house. it was the fact that it all felt like a reminder of how much you didn’t have control over. the way things kept slipping through your fingers, no matter how hard you tried to hold on. you looked up at him, your chest rising and falling in sharp breaths. “they can’t just take everything,” you muttered, the anger still hot in your throat. “this was my life. my memories. this house is all i am.”

heeseung didn’t say anything right away. he just looked at you. like he really understood. he got it, even if you weren’t sure you could let him. finally, he exhaled slowly. "i know. but this isn’t the way to fix it."

you stood there, your body still tense, but slowly, you started to feel the reality of the situation hit you. he wasn’t letting you be reckless because he didn’t care. he was trying to protect you from making a bigger mistake, from getting hurt. from losing more. with a heavy sigh, you slumped against him, the fight draining from your body. you weren’t sure if you were more angry at the situation or at yourself for feeling so helpless. but in that moment, as the chaos continued around you, all you could do was lean into him. just a little, because you knew you couldn’t do this alone.

after the chaos of the raid, everything seemed to move in slow motion. the police had confiscated everything they wanted that seemed suspicious, leaving nothing but a wrecked space behind. they’d taken their time, ensuring that no one was left with any trace of what used to be there. when it was over, the officers had turned their attention to you, with blaming guns in hand.

you hadn’t even realized they were going to search you until they were doing it, their hands cold and impersonal as they patrolled your pockets, your bag, your shoes. your heart hammered in your chest, and you were still shaking from the adrenaline, from everything that had just happened. everything felt surreal, like you were watching it happen to someone else. but the reality of it hit hard when they finally let you out of the interrogation room, their eyes on you like you were some kind of suspect.

you stood outside the police station, the weight of everything pressing down on you. the air felt colder now, the harshness of the situation settling in. you were free to go, but the damage had been done. you felt exposed, like a part of you had been torn away that you couldn’t get back. but you couldn’t stay there anymore. the night had stretched on, and you just needed to leave.

as you stood there, trying to process the mess that had been made of your life, you heard someone approaching from behind. you didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. his footsteps, the way he moved, the tension in his gait, it was heeseung.

he walked up to you, his face serious, eyes darker than usual. "are you okay?" he asked, though you could tell he wasn’t asking just out of concern. he was searching for something else, something deeper. you didn’t answer right away. you couldn’t. instead, you just gave a tight nod, your throat too tight to speak. but then he said something that made your stomach drop.

“it was karina,” he said.

you blinked, confused. “what do you mean?”

heeseung exhaled sharply, shaking his head slightly, like he couldn’t believe it. "she’s the one who called the cops. i know it. she slipped up when i talked to her a couple of minutes ago, she somehow knew i was here.”

a cold feeling swept over you as everything clicked into place. karina. karina had followed him all the way to the house, had gotten the cops involved. it made sense, but the realization didn’t make it hurt any less.

“she did this?” you asked quietly, your voice hollow. you didn’t need to say much more. it was all there. you didn’t actually believe it was possible for someone to be such a horrible human being. heeseung didn’t respond immediately. his jaw clenched, and you could see how much it was bothering him. how much it hurt him to admit it, but he couldn’t deny it.

"yeah," he muttered, his voice low. "i didn’t want to believe it at first, but... it’s clear now." he looked at you, his expression almost guilty, like he was carrying something heavy. "i never wanted you to be caught up in that. i never thought she’d go this far. i broke up with her, she kept bothering me about being here."

you turned away, looking out into the night, the cool air stinging your face. "so what now?" you asked, the words coming out flat, tired. heeseung stepped closer, his voice more earnest now, as if he wanted to say something, to fix things. "i don’t know," he admitted quietly. "i never wanted it to be like this. i don’t want to lose you... but i don’t know how to fix this either. i don’t want to hurt you."

you glanced at him, feeling the weight of the moment. part of you wanted to scream, to say everything that was building up inside, but another part of you just felt... defeated. because the truth was, even now, with everything that had happened, you still didn’t have an answer. and maybe that was the problem. you could feel it. the tension that had been there for so long. the feelings that you couldn’t fully express, that he couldn’t seem to acknowledge. and here you were, caught in the middle of it all.

“you’ve already hurt me, heeseung,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “but i guess... i guess i’ve been letting you. because i still don’t know how to walk away.”

heeseung’s expression faltered. "i never wanted you to feel that way."

you shook your head. “you don’t get it, do you? it’s not about what you want anymore. it’s about what’s already happened.”

he didn’t have a response. all he could do was stand there, looking at you like he wanted to fix things, but knowing he couldn’t. because when it came down to it, the choice had never been yours. and it sure as hell wasn’t his to make anymore.

for the next few days, you avoided heeseung like the plague. and he couldn’t get close to you. everytime he tried, something got in the way, his friends, responsibilities. and you were fine with that. you just had to accept that everything that happened with him was just a slip up, and you’d soon be in your usual bad girl exterior, ignoring him one again.

but it wasn’t that easy. not with karina still out to make your life impossible. she was still angry at you for whatever reason. angry enough to confront you again.

“how are you doing, y/n?” karina pulled out a chair in your empty lunch table, sitting down neatly on it.

“what the fuck do you want?” you spat, annoyed by her presence. you could already feel the stares of students and teachers, as they were informed of what happened.

“geez, calm down, we wouldn’t want you to get a violence complaint and get sent back to the police station, wouldn’t we?”

that was all she needed to say, the single words that came out of her mouth. and she was face down on the ground. you pressed your knee on her back, keeping her grounded, as your hand made her face keep contact with the dirty floor. “you keep fucking messing with me karina, i told you i wouldn’t let it go.”

from a table not to far away, heeseung sat with his friends, watching the scene intently, and for once, heeseung felt himself worrying about a girl. not karina, but you. for once he felt the need to protect you, even if you were already capable on your own.

a small drop of blood from her perfect skin was enough to make you land yourself in the principal’s office. after the fight in the cafeteria, everything changed. you were suspended for your actions, the consequences of that impulsive moment catching up with you. karina had pushed you too far, it was messy. it was ugly. and now, it was your reality.

you spent the next week alone, mostly, apart from that day your father made you attend rehab, because for some reason the school requested it, there you met some nice people. the suspension meant missing school, being grounded and missing your friends down south who kept spamming your phone, and also being forced to face the aftermath of everything. it was a strange kind of isolation. you hadn’t expected to feel so disconnected. the chaos of the fight, the anger you’d been holding back for so long. it all felt like it had burned itself out in that one violent moment. and now, there was just the quiet, with nothing left to do but think.

one afternoon, as you sat on your huge balcony, smoking a cigarette, since your father confiscated everything else, you tried to let the smoke clear your head. you watched the world outside, the fancy cars in traffic passing below, people going about their business, and it felt almost surreal. like everything that had happened. the raid, the fight, was part of some other version of your life. but you couldn’t forget. you couldn’t ignore the tension in your chest. the weight of everything you’d lost. even if you didn’t want to admit it, even if you didn’t want to feel it, you still missed him. you missed the parts of him that were real. the ones that made you feel like maybe, just maybe, things could be different. but now, with everything laid bare, you realized it was never going to be the way you wanted.

you sighed and flicked the cigarette to the ground, watching it burn out as you leaned back against the railing. it was quiet here, just you and the world. it gave you space to breathe, to think. but still, your mind kept returning to heeseung. to the way he’d looked at you in the hallways before everything went south. to the way he used to make you feel seen. and even though you were angry at him, you still couldn’t shake the thought ‘maybe i miss him more than i should.’

you were lost in thought when the doorbell rang, snapping you out of your haze. no one ever came to your house except your dad, so the sound was unexpected. you walked to the top of the stairs to see who it was, but when you saw the butler let heeseung inside, your stomach dropped. what the hell was he doing here? after everything, after you cut him off. he still showed up. frustration hit you immediately, and you turned to leave, heading quickly to your room. but heeseung wasn’t giving up that easily. you heard his footsteps behind you as he called your name. "hey, wait!"

you didn’t stop. you just pushed harder to get to your door, slamming it behind you and locking it. but you knew he was still out there, still following you.

“please, can we talk?” he said softly through the door. you stood there, fists clenched, torn between wanting to scream and wanting to know why he couldn’t just leave you alone.

you hesitated for a moment, but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave him standing there. you unlocked the door and let him in, and he stepped inside, his gaze immediately scanning your room. it was quiet, almost sterile. nothing like the space you had shown him at your old place. there were no personal touches, no signs of the messy, chaotic you he’d seen before. it felt different. distant.

heeseung looked around, his eyes softening with something like regret, but before he could say anything, you snapped.

“you have no right to come back into my life like this, like you own the place!” you shouted, your voice shaking with anger. “after everything, after you- ugh! you can’t just show up here, acting like it’s nothing!”

he took a step back, clearly taken off guard by the intensity of your words. but you didn’t care. the frustration, the hurt. it all spilled out in a rush. “you didn’t fight for shit, heeseung! you never did. you just kept going back to karina and that made her destroy my life! so don’t come here now, thinking everything’s fine!”

his face tightened, but he didn’t speak. he just stood there, looking at you, trying to find the right words. but you couldn’t let him speak. not yet.

“you don’t get to do this,” you spat, your chest heaving. “you don’t get to just fix it after everything you’ve done.”

heeseung didn't say anything. he just stepped forward and pulled you into a kiss-fast, intense. you froze, feeling all the anger and frustration you'd built up dissolve in that moment. it wasn't gentle, it wasn't soft. it was his apology, his regret, all packed into one. you tried to push him away to keep talking, but he didn't let you. instead, his hand gripped your wrist, pushing you against the wall, and it made everything inside you twist. when he pulled back, his breath was heavy, eyes searching yours.

“i will cuss you out heeseung, for everything, maybe not just now,” you breathed out, making a small grin appear on his face.

his hands gently traced the contours of your figure as his gaze remained focused on you. he was tender, careful, his lips leaving soft, lingering touches, wanting you to remember only the feel of his kiss. "i've missed you so fucking much, you don’t even know…" he murmured, his thumb grazing your jaw. "me too," you replied softly, pressing your lips against his again.

his hands quickly went to the hem of your shirt, his experienced fingers peeling it shirt off your warm body, a small sigh leaving his lips as they trailed against your neck, leaving open mouthed kisses along it. your breathing got heavier as he sucked hard occasionally, very clearly trying to leave marks.

“fuck, slow down, i’m not going anywhere,” you let out a small breathy gasp, feeling his sharp teeth numbing on your skin, then his soft lips pressing against the spot, almost delicately. you moaned lightly as heeseung slid his knee between your thighs, feeling him smirk against your sensitive skin. “yeah, i know.”

heeseung then moved you both to the edge of your bed, gently letting you rest on your back, your head landing softly against the pillows, still very much aware of how much you needed his mouth back on your body.

he resumed to trailing kisses down your chest, through every single line of dark ink on your body, until he reached the hem of your shorts, looking up at you with those dark doe eyes, that drowned in need. “just relax, can you do that for me?” heeseung slowly started to take off your bottoms, as you sighed out “uh-huh.” he pulled them down your legs, throwing them away from your sight.

“just like that,” he slipped his hand through your white laced underwear causing you to shudder. as his soft fingertips brushed against your cunt. your chest immediately tensed feeling his index and middle finger rub down your clit, your wetness coating his fingers.

heeseung captured your lips into a hungry kiss, distracting you for a small second as he pushed two fingers deep inside of you, reaching up. but soon enough, he had you gasping for air against his mouth, as he moved them quicker, his thumb pressing against your clit, sending a warm feeling through your body.

your hand gripped the soft silk sheets, the other on his shoulder, feeling him so deep inside. your hips buckled unconsciously, wanting to get even closer to him. “fuck,” you whispered, dryly moaning, getting the overwhelming sense of cumming start building up.

heeseung kissed the corner of your mouth one time, before going down on you, his hot tongue leaving a wet trail against your skin, and then he replaced his thumb, sucking on your swollen clit, while his fingers still worked their way into you. his eyes observed how you reacted, almost as if hunting you down. it all felt too much, many sensations at the same time, they had you struggling with your words in between moans, as the knot inside your stomach tightened but quickly gave up, “fuck, ‘seung- mhmm, i’m gonna-“ you whimpered, feeling your legs start shaking, making heeseung go impossibly harder on you.

he fingered and sucked you until you came down your high, making sure to lick his fingers clean, not wanting to get your bed dirty, even if it would in a few seconds. you could feel him getting more hard, as he pressed his hips down against your plush thigh to get a bit of friction. a smirk spread across your mouth because you knew you were the reason why.

“come on, let me see your face, pretty girl,” he grabbed you with his other hand, turning your hot face towards him, almost grinning in victory when seeing your half lidded pinkish eyes, as if you were drunk from arousal and his touch. he bored into your face, as if looking at a piece of art, “you’re goddamn beautiful,” he uttered.

“yeah, i know,” you told him, making him laugh, while using your hands to unbutton his pants, starting to slide them off. heeseung noticed this, looking down at your actions then back up at you with a smirk, “and you’re telling me to slow down,” he said with a devilish tone, helping you take off his clothes, ever so slowly, torturing you with the time.

you threw him a warning look, as he propped up, still on top of you, and took off his shirt as well, letting you see his slightly tanned skin, clear of any love bites that soon would coat him. heeseung hovered over your body, watching intently how he deeply buried himself inside of you. he wouldn’t let you do any of the work, it was going to be him.

you felt him pulsate inside of you, your walls stretching out for him due to his size. it was almost painful to feel too full at once. heeseung was trying not to go crazy over how warm and tight your were, suppressing the need to fuck you with everything he had here and now, before starting to move slowly. he went as deep as he could, and once you got used to the feeling of his dick inside you, heeseung started thrusting in roughly, enough to send spams through your heat, to your body.

“fuck, you’re so good for me,” heeseung groaned, and he took advantage of your position under him to make particularly strong thursts, tightening his grip on your waist, his expression full with desire for more, to get lost in you. and your face didn’t make it better, you looked so needy and high from him at the same time, it made him want to fuck you endlessly, and lose control.

his hips kept slamming with yours mercilessly, and you felt yourself aching, wanting to cum once again, letting out a loud inevitable moan. heeseung was pressed by your walls, as he approached his edge soon, taking the moment to pound into you quickly, almost making himself a whining mess.

you whimpered into his mouth due to the overstimulation he caused you with his thrusts, a knot ran through your legs and you didn't know how much longer you could resist, you felt unbelievably full from him. your warm breath made him lose even more concentration, as he mindlessly came inside of you, coating your insides, still throbbing and moving slowly into you.

when he finally stopped and cleaned you up carefully, heeseung dropped next to you, turning to watch your profile. he raised his fist, getting your attention, and you gave him an odd look before joining your own first with him in the middle in a fistbump, even if you felt like you were about to give away into sleepiness. “atleast that’s better than making stuff awkward,” you sighed, looking up at the ceiling, only dressed in your shirt and a new pair of underwear, feeling a small tug in your throat from being dry.

“hey, we need to get up, i was planning on taking you out,” heeseung said, poking your arm playfully. he couldn’t be serious, wanting you to leave the comfort of your bed after not being able to feel how to walk.

turning your body to your side, you looked out of the glass panel that was your window, noticing the sky get darker “you’re crazy, i’m not doing that right now, let me be,” the words left your mouth tiredly, groaning as you adjusted your position.

heeseung shook his head, hearing a small breath from you, telling him you were in already dream-land, way too far for him to get ahold of you. and he was sure it would always be like that, that he would be the one chasing you, and he didn’t mind, because after all the bad decisions, he was knew he could handle it, the bad reputation and everything that came in between.

BTW: this is saur embarrassing, if it doesn’t get atleast one note, i will delete my whole account istg. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 also, not proofread. i’m not reading all that stuff again. ew.

EXTRA:

masterlist.

[twoa-plus]

it’s 2:00am and this is more of a character thing than a genuine theory but *claps hands for the drama* same coin theory. what if both of the stans are bill

or like. a parallel to him. like i said this isn’t a super serious theory i’m mostly just back on my character analysis bs lol

so i haven’t gotten to talk abt this much but i am a firm believer in that there is not a superior stan. from a personality perspective this is obviously entirely subjective, but i mean that there isn’t a superior one when it comes to their objective traits and how useful they are

ford is. ford. i don’t really have to say anything here he’s super smart can play the piano or whatever etc etc. however one thing that i will say that i think is important here is that i am like. 99% sure this man has a higher tolerance to The Horrors than other humans do. dude spent 30 years in that portal and came out pretty much the same level of crazy, and we all saw what happened to fiddleford. i know fidds saw bill take off his exoskeleton or whatever but u can’t convince me that ford traveled the multiverse - with all sorts of monsters and non-3d dimensions and god knows what else - for 3 decades and didn’t see some shit that would make anybody else lose it. like at this point u could tell me this guy could have a casual conversation over tea with cthulu and be fine and i’d believe u

as for stan - and i mean this in the absolute best way possible i love this guy - he’s like the world’s most charismatic cockroach. he’s fantastic with people and just straight up refuses to die. for the first point i don’t just mean this in the conman way, when it comes to the people that actually matter stan always manages to win them over in some way or another (soos, wendy, the kids, ford, etc) and one does not simply survive for a decade on the street without needing the occasional favor from someone who actually likes you. “oh but rico-“ man when u’ve been living as a homeless criminal for a decade and the list of people that want to kill u consists of 1 person and the government u’ve done pretty damn well. anyways as for the cockroach point, he’s alive and has his memories. i don’t even have to say much here stan went through all of That, lived through the series itself including The Literal Apocalypse, metaphorically (something something people are just a collage of their life experiences) died at the end of it all and then came back to life. that’s hardcore as hell man. in a less literal interpretation of the “refusing to die” bit, he’s also just. insanely determined. the biggest example is ofc him never graduating highschool and yet teaching himself god knows how much math and science and whatnot over the course of 30 damn years because he just refuses to believe that he can’t save his brother. stan pines is a force of nature i swear

[additional note while im already ranting about this guy, im not a personal believer in the “stan is just as (academically) smart as ford” theory. first of all i feel like this entire theory is kind of rooted in the idea that he has to be/be on the same level as “the smart one” to have value, which is an idea that the stans’ entire backstory is based around criticizing, and i think stan has something just as if not more valuable than freakish intelligence - raw fucking grit. he wasn’t the one to open the portal back up because of some intellectual advantage, he was the one to open the portal back up because he wanted to, god damn it, and best of luck to you if you’re gonna try and stop him.]

anyways as for the same coin thing, everybody knows the stan part. his casual references to the impending apocalypse, “you’ve been buying gold, right?”, him being such a good conman, etc etc. while i’m already ranting about stan’s determination, bill’s got that too - he’s been trying for like thousands of years to take over the world and he just Won’t Stop. point is there’s a lot of character traits they share

(i know in the original same coin post a pretty major point is stan not making a deal with bill, but i think that could probably be pretty easily explained without the need for divine intervention. the only times bill makes a deal with someone without them summoning him first is after he’s kind of left on a loose end with gideon, and everyone knows stan wouldn’t fall for his lies in the first place)

bill also shares a lot of traits with ford, though. both have some kind of physical anomaly (bill’s eye & ford’s hands), both can see/understand things others of their species can’t, they’re both egomaniacs (listen i love ford but the guy has issues), etc. u could even argue that, at least at the time they meet, they have some kind of connection through their loneliness

so. with the theory of “bill was reincarnated to make up for what he did,” what if it wasn’t just stan? what if he was split in two, and his “reincarnation” is both of them? they’re flawed enough to make it a lot harder for either of them to take over the world (ford’s lack of social skills & stan’s lack of freakish academic knowledge), and they have something bill doesn’t - each other.

bill is alone. that’s his whole problem. he killed everyone he loved, treats everyone new he meets like shit, and now he’s Like That. throughout it all, the one thing the stans have always had - even if it was just in their memory - is each other. “oh but ford-“ shhhh. shhshhshshshhsh. shut up. ford has Problems but i genuinely don’t think he ever stopped loving stan. love is weird, first of all, and secondly he clearly never stopped trusting him. no matter what he might say about stan being a liar or a conman or whatever, who’s the one person he goes to when he’s forced to admit he needs help? ford is a weird guy and has an… odd way of showing it but he loves his family just like the rest of the pines and i will die on this hill

i’ve been writing this for over an hour straight and i think my brain is melting but i’m sure at this point u get the idea. both of the stans, together, serve as a parallel to bill, and the one thing they have that he doesn’t is love. that’s what killed him.

something something killing an interdimensional dream demon with the power of friendship and this gun i found

[luzial]

My Thoughts on Veilguard (Spoilers for all)

OK. Now that I've actually had a night to sleep on it, here's my more detailed thoughts on Veilguard beneath the cut. Spoilers for everything, of course. Also this is long as hell so have fun, I guess.

I am genuinely feeling so overwhelmed with emotion at getting what was honestly a happier ending for Solavellan than I thought was possible within the established canon. So let me just start off by acknowledging that the last 10 minutes of Veilguard left me feeling a lot more charitable about it than the previous 80 hours I played did. If you want a glowing review, this ain't it.

Gonna try to organize this into a few categories.

Character Customization

This is embarrassing but I actually rage quit the game after spending about an hour in character creation and finding I could not get a Rook that looked anything like I wanted her to look. The problem for me really was the 3 head types that morphed together - I found that to be too limiting to get something that looked like a real human face to me. Eventually I settled on something and, fortunately, got used to it quickly.

Being able to make a vallaslin-removed, 10-years-older version of my Inquisitor was an absolute dream. I had a lot of reference pictures of my DA:I Lavellan, so this was simpler for me than starting fresh with Rook.

Backgrounds

I played as a human Crow mage. The Crow background story was hilarious to me because you're kind of a fuck-up. Viago addresses you as "Idiot" in his opening letter to you at the start of the game. (Viago can call me an idiot any time, for the record.) I was impressed by how much reactivity there was dependent on my background, though I understand that some others (especially Grey Warden) have even more options because they're so closely tied to the parts of the lore this story primarily focuses on. I'm excited to try some others if I can muster up the energy to play this game a second time (more on that to come).

Combat

Drastically more fun than another other DA game. Your mileage may vary if you like the turn-based stuff from the earlier games, but I do not. I played as a Spellblade, got some perfect unique and legendary gear to work with that, and had a blast. Melee mage with electric powers is my absolute preferred thing to be. I felt entirely overpowered by about 35 points into the talents and ended up turning up the difficulty a little because I was killing things pretty easily. But then, because the spec didn't really change much after I hit that sweet spot, I turned the difficulty back down because I was pretty bored with just hitting the same combos and blocks over and over again. So, fun, but still got old after 80 hours of it.

Companions

BioWare companions have a tendency to hit very hard or miss completely for me with not a lot in between. Unfortunately, I found Veilguard to have more misses than hits.

Harding. While I know a lot of people really love Harding, she wasn't ever someone I paid a ton of attention to in Inquisition so I didn't have strong feelings about her return. I was glad that her personal quests gave us some more insight into the Titans and the Kal-Sharok dwarves, both of which are mysteries I was very invested in. (More on my thoughts about how those things played out in the Lore/Story section below.)

Neve. I absolutely loved the idea of Neve. I thought her design was beautiful and unique - loved, loved, loved her hats. I loved the idea of this lady Sherlock Holmes but I was disappointed that her story didn't really feel much like a detective mystery to me. Neve also really got the worst of it in my save - she had the injury at the start, I saved Treviso, and Elgar'nan kidnapped her at the end. So, needless to say, our friendship was a little strained (or as strained as friendships are allowed to be in Veilguard, which is not very). However, Neve getting to say "THIS IS MY CITY" as she uses the Blight against Elgar'nan? Fucking chef's kiss 10/10 loved that shit. Good for her.

Lucanis. As a huge fan of the Crow stories we got in Tevinter Nights, of course I was looking forward to Lucanis. I adored Spite - what a fun idea for a demon archetype to explore. I found the idea of the experimentation with forcing the creation of specific demons and getting them to possess non-mages pretty interesting. I was so enraged that the story wouldn't allow Rook or Lucanis to point out how obvious Illario's betrayal was - I mean, come the fuck on, Zara is literally calling Illario "amatus" as she dies. You're killing me, BioWare. I romanced Lucanis, so more on him as a character and the romance in the Romance section below.

Bellara. I was really uncertain about Bellara at first. It was clear she was going to be "a lot." But she actually really grew on me over the course of the game, and is probably the companion whose friendship I appreciated the most. I loved her banters with Lucanis about cooking and her discussions with Davrin about the implications of the Evanuris being total dickheads. She was one of the few characters in the game who I ever saw attempt to grapple with this (what should have been) ENORMOUS reveal that the Elvhen gods were real and very different than history remembered them (more on that to come, too). And I'd be lying if I said that her utter revulsion at the idea that Solas and Mythal could have been lovers (something I did NOT want) didn't earn her a shitload of loyalty points from me.

Davrin. Davrin felt the most like what I would expect a Dragon Age companion to feel like. He slotted perfectly into the lore but also advanced important parts of it. He was a fantastic example of a heroic Grey Warden but also had ties to his Dalish roots. He and Assan were adorable and I loved their journey together. I really felt like he had the best head on his shoulders of anybody in Rook's team, while also having a personal mission that very directly influenced and pushed forward the overarching narrative of the story. This is what a good companion looks like.

Taash. Boy, did I have a difficult time with Taash. Listen. As a cis lady (though admittedly a bisexual one who has many complicated thoughts about gender), I don't feel that it is especially my place to critique Taash's personal story. So I'll just say that I was frustrated by how often they felt like an absolute child to me - in a way that truly left me wondering why the hell Rook recruited an immature teenager for her team. I found Taash's relationship with their mother to be equal parts frustrating and touching, and I think that's fine and probably good. I wish Taash had given their mother a chance to tell us more about people in the Qun who are non-binary. I was excited to hear that lore and sad that Taash cut her off. I am always glad to see stories like Taash's in very popular media because I think stories instill empathy in us and empathy goes a long way toward acceptance. I do wish, however, that Taash's story was spoken about in a more "Dragon Age-y" tone, versus using the exact words and concepts that we do in the real world. It took me out of Thedas at times to hear how they framed their experience.

Emmrich. A little torn. My god, I loved Manfred. I loved Emmrich most of the time too. I thought his personal quest was fun, hilarious, and creepy. Someone had way too much fun with all those horror zoom-ins during the cinematics, and I am here for it. I loved what we learned of the Mourn Watch and Nevarra - both things I was really excited to see in a game. I think my reluctance to fully embrace Emmrich is simply that much of the information he provides is so similar to the sort of information Solas gave us in Inquisition. And so many players hated Solas for that, whereas I expect Emmrich will be much better liked overall because he delivers his advice a lot more politely than Solas managed to. So I guess I do like Emmrich, but my Solavellan heart is telling me that's a little disloyal.

Overall, my biggest complaint isn't even with the individual companions or their stories but with the absolutely awful pacing that dictates how those stories play out. If I don't play this game a second time, it's because of Act 2. All the running back and forth to have what I have been derisively referring to as "picnics" with your companions really soured me on them in ways that I don't think is very fair to the actual characters. I wish I didn't have to go the map and teleport to get 2-3 minutes of dialogue with someone. I wish I could talk to them more at the Lighthouse. I do miss the conversation wheels where I could just ask for more info. Combined with the fact that, at times, it felt like this was all I was doing for the entirety of Act 2, they had just worn out their welcome for me and i was desperate to advance the main plot.

I also just did not need 2 separate pep talks from Varric effectively saying "get your team's shit together and it'll be better for your bigger goals." I know, Varric. I am playing a BioWare game. You are explaining a BioWare game to me in a BioWare game. I don't need that. I'm here to fix my companions' shit. I signed up for that. Again, that dialogue just took me out of Thedas, and especially when he said it a second time.

Romance

Absolute, fucking nothing-burger with nothing-sauce and no cheese. And I know that this is not just about who I picked - I have looked at plenty of the other romances and talked to my friends who romanced other people. This game just doesn't have it. Spice level is like a dash of stale black pepper. A few cute party banters when you decide to pair up with somebody, but that was really about it. This is gonna be all about the fics for those of you who really wanted more from these characters.

I think you would get this scene regardless of whether you'd begun to flirt with him, but I did really like the first private scene you have with Lucanis where you walk around the Treviso markets and he picks out food items for everybody in the party. It was a lot kinder and more thoughtful than I expected from an assassin character, so I guess that's probably why I went with him. I didn't feel strongly about romancing any of the companions and I ended up going with Lucanis because I knew I was going to save Treviso since I was a Crow and I figured it'd be a lot simpler to romance him in this save versus a second where I save Minrathous. How romantic, right?

To the extent the devs said this was the "most romantic" Dragon Age game so far ... surely they were only talking about Solavellan, right? 😭

Lore/Story

Whew. Strap in. Cause I am conflicted and I'm ready to throw all my problems at the wall / people on Tumblr who haven't stopped reading yet.

Let me start by saying a few things about what I think makes a satisfying resolution to a story. I do not think it is at all a bad thing if your audience is able to guess - mostly or partially - the direction a story is taking. I actually think that can be a very strong compliment to your writing and to the intelligence of the breadcrumbs that you've left along the way. I read everything. I read every word of every codex. I read every novel. I read every comic even though I hate reading comics. I like being rewarded by seeing the knowledge I've gained from that work reflected back at me in the game. That is Good Shit.

I was thrilled to watch headcanon after headcanon (mine and others) confirmed as lore in this game. It was deeply satisfying to go back and look at notes I had made while writing Ruins in 2016 and 2020 about which Elvhen gods corresponded to which Tevinter Old Gods and find that I had all but 2 of them correct. (I swapped Elgar'nan and Falon'Din and I'm not even going to count that against myself because how the hell was I supposed to guess that the Evanuris associated with the SUN was aligned with the Tevinter god of NIGHT, fuck off lol). Good breadcrumbs are so deeply satisfying in a story like this and I cannot be thankful enough that we got all these little hints along the way that were waiting for us to discover them and fit the puzzle pieces together.

The thing of it is, that there are places where I think those breadcrumbs were followed to their least interesting possible conclusions. And that makes me a bit sad because I think it's pretty clear that this game is meant to neatly tie a bow on this geographical part of the Dragon Age world, and it's therefore pretty unlikely that we are going to get much more information to fill in the important gaps in knowledge we still have about the Blight and the Titans in particular.

The more I played this game, the more confused I became about the origins of the Blight, and that was especially frustrating for me because I honestly thought I had it very clear in my head after playing The Descent DLC. The Blight was like an infection or an immune response within the Titans' bodies to the invasion of the Evanuris. It was a consequence of their actions but not something created intentionally. To the extent I knew that Ghilan'nain was messing around with the Blight, I thought it was a fascination she developed with what seemed to be a naturally-occurring phenomenon, and not something she had intentionally, actively created herself. I came out of Veilguard being completely unclear with which of those two things is true and I do not think it is possible or interesting for both to be true. It is entirely possible I have missed something (somehow, in my very slow playthrough where I read every codex as soon as it become available to me), but my lingering suspicion is that the writers of this game never entirely made up their mind about the Blight's origins either. And that's a sad note to leave on, like I said, because I don't know that we'll see much of it again.

As for the Titans, I did enjoy seeing more of that story - and especially from THEIR perspective, not just Solas' memories - through Harding. Their anger was so just and important and I'm glad we saw some of that. However. A couple of big misses for me on the Titans. First, given how alien and huge and intimidating the "inside" of the Titan was in The Descent I just do not like the idea of them having these physical, humanoid-shaped bodies like the one we see in the mountains. I wanted something more abstract than that because I wanted them to be something mythical and fundamentally unknowable. Also, the absolute nonsense of introducing this idea that "angry" lyrium is red lyrium - but don't worry, it's not blighted! It's a totally different thing! That missed me so hard. What an unnecessary complication of straightforward lore. If you want the lyrium to look different to reflect the Titan's anger make it a different color, make it spark, do literally anything except use an existing mutation that already means one very specific thing to your audience.

So the Blight and the Titans were the two places where the lore fell down a bit for me. But I also was simultaneously excited to see Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain and also so underwhelmed by how mundane and "modern" (modern by Thedas standards) they seemed to me at times. I adored Ghilan'nain's model in particular. She was just as creepy, uncanny, body-horror as I have always wanted her to be. Both were fantastically acted. Absolutely no complaints there.

But in the same way that I wanted the Titans to feel suitably alien and distant from us, the players - the Warden, Hawke, the Inquisitor, Rook; people who did not live 10,000 years ago and cannot conceive of this world once being drastically different from how it now is - I wanted the Evanuris to feel SO far above us, so removed. They are not truly gods but they are so godlike in the scope of their power that I wanted them to look at modern Thedas almost like we were ants. The scope of their concerns should be so enormous that we are practically nothing to them. I found it wild when they called me Rook - that they cared enough to know my name? I didn't hate the idea of them grasping power wherever they could - with the Venatori, with the Antaam. But it just made them feel so much smaller than I had imagined. The fact that they called their dragons "archdemons" was a weird nitpicky sticking point for me. Surely they had their own word? Why would they stoop to adopting a word and a concept that never had a reason to exist in their culture?

Speaking of words, and names. I hated, hated everybody using Solas' real name. In my mind, the only people who should have gotten to do that were people who knew him as Solas in the Inquisition. That everyone else adopted it, versus calling him the Dread Wolf or Fen'Harel, whatever, really confused me. It felt so weirdly intimate to have people - even people who weren't party members, just fucking randos that are helping you - calling him Solas. I recognize that this probably a "me" problem and it would be more confusing for new players to have the same character referred to by different names. But still, the part of my Inquisitor who still lives in my heart wanted to just slap anybody out here going around using his name like it was theirs to use.

The exponential increase of the use of magic in the North of Thedas was both something I anticipated and also still way beyond anything I expected. We knew attitudes about magic were drastically different in the North. Dorian's character in Inquisition was a great way to prime us for that shift. Fundamentally, though, I believe Dragon Age as a series has always been concerned about the risks and the consequences of magic use. Those risks are not less in the North. It's simply that they find the risks more acceptable and have different customs and safeguards in place to facilitate the kind of magic use they want.

But I saw NO risks for magic use in Veilguard. No sense that the huge quantities of energy being pulled from a VERY TATTERED AND DELICATE VEIL were worrying to anyone. If magic has become easier to use because of the events of Inquisition and the Veil's weakened state, maybe I could believe that. But somebody in the game needed to say it out loud. Otherwise, I'm just looking at a world where magic is a net positive so how stupid and cruel do you have to be to prevent its use? It makes the already dubious morals of the Chantry and Templars entirely reprehensible in retrospect because apparently if you just let people do any magic they want at any time, everything's peachy!

It was difficult to anchor myself to any particular idea of whether this amount of magic use was normal for my Rook, because Rook - regardless of background - is from the North. They're not an outsider. Thus, I'm counting on someone who is an outsider - maybe Harding? - to comment on it, to contextualize it, to make it make sense to me from the perspective of the South, which has always been the player's perspective until this game. I never got that and I wish I had because it would have been so much more interesting and nuanced.

Similarly, it was so challenging to be thrust in media res into a Thedas where everyone (save one obstinate First Warden) was entirely willing to accept that the Elvhen gods were real and were the cause of all the bad shit happening in the world. Listen, I get it. 10 years is a lot of time. Maybe huge, fundamental paradigm shifts have happened in Thedas. Maybe people are willing to believe unbelievable things. But to see very, very little recognition of that from the characters we encounter was jarring. As I said above, I was glad that Bellara and Davrin were able to contextualize some of this in their conversations and I assume an elf Rook maybe has more to say on it as well, but it just wasn't enough for me. This was a place where I feel like we were asked to fill in too many gaps in time and in knowledge and I ended up with the sense that the writing just "had" to begin at this point because it had so much other ground to cover.

And that was the biggest problem for me - not exactly with lore but with pacing. Veilguard decided to wrap up so many of the fundamental mysteries we have been dealing with for 4 games. That is a huge order and it takes a lot of time. As I said, I took 80 hours to play this game. I think that is plenty of time to tell a story as complex as this one needed to be without me coming out of it feeling like I still have questions that should have been answered. Because the game "wastes" so much time, especially in Act 2, especially with some aspects of the companion stories, there just isn't enough room left to do what it needs to do with the main narrative. I also honestly think it could have been split across 2 games - not that any of us want to wait another decade to have these stories resolved, but maybe I would have if I'd known they would have been resolved a little more completely. And, again, I wouldn't be so sad about this if it didn't seem so obvious that we are done with Thedas after this.

Finally, I was so devastated by the lack of Thedas politics in this game. There were so many wonderful opportunities for factions and countries to be pissed at each other, to be working against each other for drastically different goals. I think of this as another core aspect of what Dragon Age games are about. Inquisition obviously was the most political of the games in that sense, because you really were a political leader more than you were a hero. But all 3 of the previous games were worried about this stuff - worried about who's in power, who is subjugated, how can the world be changed not only by people with magical ability but also by those who have deep beliefs about what Thedas should be. Magical power and political power are both very real and both crucial in the prior 3 games. In Veilguard, magic is power, simple as that.

I think this is linked, at least partially, to the decision not to include too many prior decisions and possible world states into Veilguard. And, hey, I do get that. As a player who started with Inquisition I found the Tapestry very intimidating. Three games' worth of choices is a lot to ask of even returning players, let alone new ones. I can't fault them too heavily for this because god knows how many more years in development it would've taken to make all that work. But that doesn't make me mourn the losses any less.

And now, really finally, here's a list of questions that I really don't need anybody to try to answer for me but which I cannot get out of my head and are kinda breaking the plot for me:

Hey so like, how was Solas (weakened state Solas at the end of Inquisition) capable of "murdering" Mythal? Like what power did he have that could have overcome hers? Even if he did have that power how COULD he kill her if he was still bound to her at that point? (I have always read that cutscene as Flemeth at least partially consenting to give Solas her power - not because I'm trying to give him a charitable read but because I honest to god don't understand how it's possible if she's unwilling.)

I think I'm even more confused about the orb/focus from Inquisition now. Obviously if he'd gotten it Solas wouldn't have had to take Mythal's power. But like, why did he have it in the first place? Was it something only he had? What was its original purpose? Cause the dagger seems to have taken its place in terms of importance/power level and containing the Titans.

How the fuck did Solas cleanse the red lyrium idol/dagger?

What happened to those Sentinel elves like Abelas? Where the fuck did they go? Whose side are they on?

What about the elves disappearing into the forest?

Still the stuff about the Blight.

I'm sure there's a lot more but I'll leave it at that because we've got to get to ...

Solavellan

Guys. I was so afraid of this game for so long. I'm not sure what I really expected or what had me so worried. I've always told my friends that the best ending I can imagine for Solavellan is the Inquisitor and Solas "dying on the same sword." What I meant by that was that I fully accepted their ending would be tragic (I truly saw no alternative) but I would be content if at least they died together - at least he didn't die alone.

What we got was honestly so much better than I wanted? LOL. Especially with Trick Weekes' recent clarifications. (Specifically, regarding where they are going: "She's speaking both romantically and literally. It won't be terrible if they're in there together." I AM DYING I AM LOSING MY MIND I'M SOBBING AND I'M SO HAPPY.)

I was screaming at my monitor - as I'm sure many of you were as well - "GO WITH HIM" when Solas finally gave in and bound himself to the Veil. I sobbed immediately, I woke up this morning and watched the cutscene again and sobbed again. I feel really grateful that this one ship in this one piece of media got such a tailored and thoughtful ending for it - especially knowing how many other choices from previous games had to be stripped away to make room for other things.

So, yeah. Given however many thousands of words I just put into this about all the shit I don't like? Still feeling pretty charitable right now because my girl Lavellan got the happy ending she so richly deserved.

(Side, and final, note: Jesus who made his wolf form look like that? Why would you do our boy so dirty?)

[elyssialumengard]

Hazbin Hotel theory ( centered on Alastor ) :

Hello (or good evening), I am writing this post to share with you a simple but interesting theory regarding Alastor. This theory is not from me, but from a French YouTuber (whom I invite you to go see if you speak French) called: Team Taika Raven (name of the video: Character analysis: Alastor, a Devil of Hotel Manager).

At the end of his video, he states the following theory :

Alastor would have made two contracts (not necessarily for his soul). In the last song of episode 8, Alastor shows that he aims higher than Overlord status, he wants to rule all of Hell. But this will only be possible once his wings are freed, once his contract is broken (Alastor inspires power, chaos and freedom).

If indeed Alastor made a pact with Rou for power, then why would he want to break it ? He would lose everything he has acquired, that wouldn't work. Additionally, Rou, the root of evil, and likely the series' main antagonist, is a purely chaotic entity. She succeeds in infiltrating the earthly world when Lucifer gives the apple to Eve. All she wants is to spread as much chaos around her as possible, just like Alastor. The YouTuber later said that it wouldn't be surprising if she didn't ask Alastor for anything in return for the power gain since the latter was accomplishing her will just by being himself. Alastor would in some way be Rou's agent, the manifestation of her spirit in the world of the Underworld. The fact that Alastor is his shadow independent of his body could be a sign of another entity in him, that of Rou, symbolized by his powers. The YouTuber continues by saying that it would even be possible that Alastor made this pact during his lifetime, before his arrival in the underworld through voodoo rituals (which would explain why he had so many powers upon his arrival in the underworld although he was a human before). Therefore, it would seem odd that he would want to get out of the contract with Rou, knowing that he loves what he does. Moreover, why would he suddenly decide to want to break this pact suddenly, like that with Rou after having disappeared for 7 years ?

The YouTuber follows his theory by saying that Alastor, known and feared in the underworld for his power, seems to have lost his abilities, as the Vees mention in their song saying that he does not seem as powerful as before. When he returned, rumors spread that Alastor was a shadow of his former self. This could be explained by the fact that the genocide that Alastor was causing had attracted the attention of Lilith, causing her to enter into a forced contract restricting her powers.

That 7 years ago, Alastor and Lilith fought and that Alastor's defeat forced him to make a pact with Lilith not to die. Lilith would have done this to protect her people, but surely because of her commitment to Adam in Paradise, the commitment being that of preventing the souls of sinners from being saved so that they would not come to Paradise leaving the extermination to be carried out. If Alastor started killing every threatening person in the underworld, the purge would no longer make sense. Seeing the real threat of Alastor's abnormal powers, she decided to seal part of his powers and flee to Paradise, preventing him from following her. Thus, Alastor has every interest in Charlie's project working so that he can access Heaven and find Lilith to break his contract. The fact of having made a deal with Charlie, in exchange for a favor, would be a means of putting pressure on Lilith to break her contract with him.

What would Adam gain by welcoming Lilith? Glory, because being a person full of himself, Adam wanted to become more powerful and known than the seraphim as we can see subtly in his song where he has 8 wings and not 6.

The YouTuber ends up saying that the name "Alastor" means "the spirit of vengeance" in ancient Greek, sticking even more with the idea that he is just a tool, an incarnation of someone's revenge.

Perhaps Eve who would be under the control of Rou, being the character most likely to want revenge, considered just the stopgap for Adam who had not digested his rake with Lilith. It condemned humanity to suffering and mortality thereby depriving Adam of the throne which was due to it. Her stay on Earth must have been the most horrible where Adam had to make her pay for every day of her existence because of her betrayal. Lilith and Lucifer are also responsible for his misfortune, because they are the ones who gave him the apple. Fueled by hatred and resentment, Eve is possibly the one who most wants revenge on both hell and paradise, a receptacle of choice for Rou.

What do I think of it :

I find this analysis highlights several intriguing elements of the story and character motivations, particularly Alastor and his potential connection to Rou, as well as the implications of his past and present actions.

The connection between Alastor and Rou as an agent of chaos and fulfillment of Rou's will is a fascinating idea. This theory suggests that the pact between Alastor and Rou could have been established well before the events of the series, perhaps even during his lifetime, which would explain his powers upon his arrival in Hell. Additionally, the idea that Lilith restricted Alastor's powers due to his potential threat to the balance of the underworld and her own pact with Adam is also an interesting interpretation.

Furthermore, regarding Lilith and the extermination of sinners, I think she grants it to protect her people who are the real demons and not the sinners, which would explain why she allows such carnage while she is portrayed in the series as a queen who loves her subjects. Sinners being only the beings who are supposed to be the worst of humanity, harming demons for the most part. ( and for the romance, so that Lucifer is less confronted with the spectacle of sinners which he does not appreciate at first from the serie. )

This would explain his interest in the hotel and why he was so hostile towards Lucifer, not wanting the two to get close, wanting to take advantage of Charlie's slightest vulnerability as much as possible, making him believe that he is on his side ( that's why he went to see her when she wasn't comfortable in bed in episode 7, manipulating her into finally agreeing to make a deal). Alastor is a greedy and manipulative being, if he went to see Rosie to help him, it was certainly to save the hotel, but to show Charlie that she can trust him, since he manages the situation to save his project.

Finally, the idea that Eve could be an instrument of vengeance controlled by Rou, due to her grievances against the Underworld and Heaven, brings another layer of depth to the plot. This raises questions about the nature of power and manipulation in the world of “Hazbin Hotel,” as well as the motivations and desires of each character.

Overall, this theory offers a fascinating perspective on the characters and plot of the series, and it raises many interesting questions about the relationships between the various characters and the forces that manipulate them.

The YouTuber puts forward other interesting theories, don't hesitate to watch his video.

[sirowsky-stories]

The Lost Island

Chapter 20 - Found

Recap: After saving the world by sacrificing yourself to allow a matriarch tree to grow impossibly fast, you've managed to use the last remaining strength of your soul to send Marcus back in time to when he first met you. And as the two timelines begin to merge, you and Marcus are left trying to rediscover each other, just as the island once again beckons for you.

Author’s Note: It's been a year and a half since I abandoned this poor thing with just one chapter unfinished. But thanks to @scorpio-marionette I've finally been able to finish it! Hope it won't disappoint!

Rating: Mature 18+ONLY Warnings: Cursing, comfort, fluff, reference to smut. Word Count: 5130 Masterlist (this story) Author’s Masterlist

   Unsurprisingly, things got somewhat awkward after that impromptu reunion. Your clothes were scattered on the ground, some of them even lightly torn due to the sudden urgency of your need for each other, so once you’d both regained your breaths, it was a scramble to recover them and make your way inside.    Thankfully, Missy had clocked what was going on out back and opted to hide in her room, hoping that none of the neighbours would’ve heard the two of you. But it wasn’t until you and Marcus climbed into his bed and just held one another, that you really began to grasp everything that had happened.

   Again, it wasn’t as simple as memories. It was strong emotions and a lot of sensory input which was suddenly just there, as clear and real as they would’ve been to the version of you who had lived them.    But after your rushed and bewildering coupling, you began to feel less like she was this other being which couldn’t be more than loosely connected to you, and more like you might actually be the same person.

   Something which became a tad unsettling when you were getting ready to leave the following evening, and realized that both you and Missy had acted like old friends from the moment you’d walked into the kitchen that morning.    Also, you knew where everything belonged in the entire house, which foods were the seven-year old's favourites, and even what Marcus’ morning mood was gonna be. And it was only after you’d stepped outside to fly the helicopter back to HQ, that any of this felt at all strange.

   You’d had dinner with the two of them, chatted, cracked jokes and laughed, cleared the table and helped with the dishes, all without once noting that this was the first time you’d set foot in there, the first time you’d hung out with them.    Hell, it was the first time you’d socialized with anyone other than what had been absolutely necessary, ever since you were sixteen. And it had felt completely natural and easy.

   It was only when you stood there, by the aircraft, turning back to say goodnight to Marcus, that it even occurred to you, and you could see the sudden uncertainty in his eyes as he read the confusion in yours.

   “I… wow… This is so weird,” you tried, failing to find words to describe the feeling.

   “Are you okay?” was all he could manage, clearly unsure of what was going on with you, but unwilling to pressure you or do anything which might jeopardise your rekindled relationship.

   And then it hit you how this had to be just as strange for him. Suddenly having you back, presumably exactly as it had been in the time he’d lived, and you were abruptly worried that he’d fall apart if you left again.    He loved you like nothing you’d ever seen in anyone before. Like you’d never even believed possible.

   “Are you?” you countered, and then watched him suck in a deep breath.

   “I don’t have a clue…” he started, before it all came flooding out as if he’d been sitting on this all evening. “But I’m so scared. This all felt like before, and god, I missed it so much… feeling like a family again.    But I’m so fucking scared that this was just a random thing and that you’re gonna fly off and everything will fade, and I’ll be alone again, and I can’t do it, Pita… I can’t fucking do it again. Please, don’t go.”

   He was all but sobbing towards the end, and it tore at your heart to see that pain in him.    You stepped away from the machine and hugged him, and the feeling was right there. That same desire and affection and devotion, telling you how much you loved this man, how you’d do anything for him.    And suddenly it seemed impossible that you’d even contemplated leaving him just to return a helicopter that was unlikely to be needed during the night anyway.

   You let him lead you back to the house, no longer sure what you’d been so confused about before.    And when you fell asleep in his arms a little while later, it was with a feeling of comfort and familiarity, free of all doubts or troubles.    This was where you belonged.

<><><><><> 

   Marcus woke up the next morning to a phone that simply would not stop ringing no matter how many times he ignored it. Which he did because his arms were still around you, and he wasn’t gonna let you go until someone forced him.    Eventually, he got annoyed with the insistent disturbance and used his threads to move the device away to the kitchen, not even glancing at the screen to see who was trying to reach him. All he wanted to see was you.

   He’d lost this. He knew what it felt like to have to give this up, to know that he’d never again get to feel the warmth of your body against his, or the steady rise and fall of your chest, the rhythmic beating of your heart and how his own body synchronized to match.    If this was really happening, if you really were somehow merging with his version of you, then there was a chance he’d never have to give you up again.    But if it wasn’t… then he’d have to suffer that pain all over again, and he knew now he couldn’t survive that. So yes, he’d hold on to you for as long as he could.

   The day was still young, and you showed no signs of waking up yet, so he just laid there, enjoying every second and trying not to think about the fears which still lived in his heart.    But of course, it wouldn’t last forever.

   “Dad! Will you please answer your phone!” Missy called from further away in the house, apparently having gotten up already.

   It was a Friday so that wasn’t surprising, she was good at getting up in time for school, sometimes getting some reading done during breakfast, or just sitting outside in the morning sun, listening to her favourite music.    Where his phone hadn’t bothered you, Missy’s voice instantly made you stir, which made a wonderful sort of warm softness spread through him. You cared about her, as much as he did. Reacted to her as readily as a mother would.

   “What time is it?” you sleepily grumbled, clearly fighting against having to get up, but also clearly fine with waking up in his bed and arms.

   “Early. You can stew for another half-hour if you want,” he answered in a whisper, to keep from fully rousing you and let you slip back into sleep if you wanted.

   “Mmm…” was all you responded with, which he interpreted as you feeling much too good to get up.

   But he still had to.    He squeezed you just a little tighter, pressing a light kiss to your head, just behind the ear, and then carefully pulled away, hating how the sudden loss of contact made him feel cold as he padded barefoot to the bathroom and closed the door.

   You’d only gone to bed and slept last night, but the few heated minutes out on the patio would never leave his memory for as long as he lived. Because it had been you.    He’d seen it in your eyes, the exact same expression as you’d had that one and only time the two of you had been together prior to this one.    It didn’t matter that that was all the experience he had to go on with you, because there was so much more to your relationship than the physical, and in those few minutes, everything had been just as he remembered.

   Standing there, staring at his own reflection in the bright vanity lights around the mirror, he could clearly see the fear that still held him in a tight grip. The crippling fear that even after everything that had happened, everything he’d been through, he might still lose you.    But he couldn’t live under the constant weight of that fear without turning into a wreck of a human being. So, he tried not to think about it, tried to focus instead on getting the day going, planning the morning out in his head while he did his morning toilet, before sneaking back out into the bedroom, somehow still relieved to see you there.

   Taking a breath, trying to keep himself levelled, he left the room and headed to the kitchen, where the fucking phone was still ringing incessantly.    He picked it up, noting that the caller-ID said Granada, but whatever she wanted, it couldn’t be good, and he wasn’t in the mood for bad today.    Could he not get to take one day off from bad stuff?

   “It’s work, right?” Missy wondered, already seated at the table with her cereal bowl.

   “Yeah,” he replied simply, still just staring at the phone.

   “Then you should answer, it might be really important.”

   “I know, I just don’t wanna be the Heroic right now. Not today.”

   Technically, both you and Marcus had been a bit awol for the past day and a half, seen as how you both still had a job to do, which you’d completely ignored in favour of just being together.

   “Because of Ace? She stayed last night, right?” she probed, trying not to sound overly interested, but not quite succeeding.

   Apparently, the same melding process which seemed to be happening with you, was happening with Missy as well. Suddenly she too appeared to know about things that had occurred in his timeline, as though she’d lived them herself, which only increased his hopes of this being a permanent displacement.

   “She did, and I really wanna focus on her right now. Things have happened lately, that… well, it’s complicated,” he tried, but it was a poor choice of words.

   “You guys aren’t like… having problems or anything?” she sounded worried now, which in a backwards kinda way made him happy, because worrying meant she cared about his relationship with you.

   “No, not like that. We just, uh… need to figure some stuff out.”

   “Dad, that’s exactly what grown-ups say when they have problems,” she said, starting to sound genuinely concerned now.

   “And I’m also saying that you don’t need to worry, she’s not going anywhere as long as I have a say,” he reassured her, which appeared to be enough to calm her down.

   But then that took her focus back to his phone.

   “Gosh, just answer her already. She’s not gonna stop.”

   He sighed again, deeper this time, but reached for the device all the same.

   “Moreno.”

   “God damned it, Marcus, I was about to send a tac-unit to your house!” Granada shouted in his ear, making him twitch his head away from the speaker for a moment.

   “Well, good fucking morning to you too, Boss…” he snapped back, earning a snicker from his daughter in between bites of cereal.

   “I need you to come in as soon as possible, we’ve got a major problem,” her tone was enough to get his blood going, and he threw a worried glance at Missy, who had now buried her nose into one of her textbooks.

   “What is it?” he questioned, trying to keep his tone casual.

   “It’s the island. And since you’re the only one that knows what might be going on, I need you to get your ass over here.”

   Shit. He should’ve known something would happen to disturb his chances at a quiet week. It wasn’t like he’d had more than a moment’s chance to relax and recover ever since that damned plane crash.    How long ago was that now?

   “I’ll be right there,” he promised, and then ended the call.

   “Should I call Abuela to come drive me to school?” Missy asked, still looking at her book.

   “Yeah. I’m sorry, kiddo.”

   “You’re not going back to fieldwork, though. Right?”

   “I might have to,” he admitted, not wanting to lie to her. “To stop something really bad. I don’t know yet.”

   “What about Ace?”

   The chopper was still in his backyard, and he didn’t know how to fly it, whereas you did.

   “She’s gonna take me to work and return the helicopter she borrowed in the process.”

   “So, you’re gonna go together?” she puzzled, sounding quite pleased with the idea.

   “Like I said, she’s not going anywhere unless it’s with me.”

   It took you no time at all to get up, get dressed and get the aircraft warmed up, once Marcus had made it clear that you were needed at HQ. Not that Granada had said anything about needing you.    He did, though.    It was amazing to observe how you kissed the top of Missy’s head in passing, both of you acting as though it was the most ordinary thing, wishing each other a good day before you left the house with him.

   The flight was also dealt with in record time, meaning that the two of you stepped into Granada’s office just twenty minutes after the call.    She didn’t look surprised to see you walk in behind him, and just asked you to close the door before her focus landed on Marcus.

   “Ah, the runaways return,” she remarked, but then got straight to business before either of them could mount a defence. “The island has become visible to our satellites since yesterday. Do you know why that might be?”

   “I’m not sure,” he pondered, genuinely surprised by the news. “Our theory in my time was that the island itself was responsible for the cloaking, since it vanished when I killed it.”

   “You killed what? The island?”

   “Yes. But so far as we know, it’s still very much alive right now, so I really don’t know.    Although… it is possible that the portal has something to do with this.”

   “How so?”

   “It created the time-displacement which started when we arrived there, probably because it sensed my powers. So, maybe our recent visit was enough for it to react the same way, or perhaps it actually remembered me. Either way, that thing is a lot more powerful than we can ever fully grasp, and considering that it’s been a prisoner there for a long time, I’m prepared to believe that it could’ve disrupted the island’s cloaking capacity, if it somehow figured out how to free itself without our help.”

   “From what you’ve described, I don’t think we want to get up close and personal with that entity again. But we obviously don’t want the island to develop or distribute deadly spores either, which is what I gather will happen if the cloak stays down.    So, any suggestions?”

   “Yeah. We figure out how the tree produces those golden particles and try and bring some of it to the island, so we can kill those spores and then send the Ozsha home without destroying their world.”

   “And you’re sure you could convince the portal to cooperate?”

   “Actually, I don’t think I have to. In the future, I was able to pull it to me and control where and when it opened, and since my powers don’t seem to have changed by coming here, I’m pretty sure I can still do that.    But I also think that the portal kind of wants us to help the aliens get home.”

   “Wait, wait… Did you just say you can manipulate space-time?” she sceptically questioned, to which he shrugged.

   “To some degree. If I’d been able to assert complete control over it, I would’ve found a way back to Pita much sooner, but I couldn’t create a permanent displacement on my own.”

   “Then how do you know if you can put the Ozsha back on Eqlo’e permanently?”

   “Because I know that this isn’t their original time either, and the cosmos wants things to be in their correct time and place. That much I’m certain of.”

   “Right. Well then, I’ll get the departments working on those particles.”

<><><><><><><> 

   It took two weeks for the science department to crack the puzzle of the matriarch, and in the meantime, the line between you and Marcus’ Pita kept on blurring. Until you could usually not even recall how you’d only known him for a fraction of the time it felt like.    You really were merging though, because you could still recall the events that had happened in your own time, as well as his, which meant you weren’t being erased or replaced with her. It was more like she was being added to you.

   Your lives were identical up until the moment of Mo’s transition into this time, so it was really just those three years which were being imparted to you, but they sure left behind some massive impressions.    Going back to the island once again only strengthened your experiences from there, helping you to recall every detail, and leaving you incredibly grateful that it had somehow not ended in utter failure, because holy shit had there been a lot of close calls.

   Six canisters of golden spores had been prepared for you to set up on locations around the entire island, before an automatic trigger would open them and disperse the shimmering particles evenly across the small patch of land. And since this felt more personal to the two of you than anyone else, you’d opted to do this alone, although a ship carrying the entire Heroics team was anchored nearby, just in case.

   One canister was to be placed right on the forest line of the beach where you’d first washed up that day after the crash, so you left it for last.    When it was done, you walked down further onto the beach and just stood there, looking out at the ocean in silent remembrance. Not about anything in particular, just the fact that you’d survived all this crap.    You made a mental note to call Chris as soon as you got a chance, because the spores reminded you of the painful goodbye that day. The regrets you’d felt.

   Then you registered a movement in front of you, and refocused on the present only to find the Ozsha having appeared in the waves as far as your eyes could see.    But they weren’t behaving threatening, and it took you a moment to realize that it was probably because Marcus was talking to them. Letting them invade his mind so he could show them his memories and help them understand that this was all an effort to save them.

   “It’s okay, Pita. You can press the button, they’re gonna stay right there and let the spores infect them,” he reassured you, and you did as he asked.

   The canisters performed their function as intended, and within minutes, the entire island and the surrounding waters were covered in gold, sparkling under the sun.    Mo then nodded at the Ixo, before turning away from the water, heading up the beach and towards the west side of the mountain.

   “That just leaves the portal,” he said while he took your hand and settled in for the trek.

   “Do you think it’ll come out swinging like last time?” you pondered, remembering your first trip to their home-planet, and how cataclysmic it had been to your relationship with this man.

   “I don’t know. I’m kinda curious to find out if it somehow knows about all that. It seemed to know absolutely everything before.”

   “Yeah, but if memory serves, that was only after it first emerged from its hibernation.”

   “So far as we knew, you mean. It could’ve understood everything from the start, manipulating us with its every move.”

   “Hm. I guess so. Did we ever figure out why it plopped us out with a three-month delay after we’d sent the Ozsha home?” you asked, and saw him smile a little, probably at the way you expressed these past events as your own experiences now.

   “I believe that was related to us learning that the island could still destroy us. Although, why we needed to be that far into the future after destroying it to understand it, I still don’t know.”

   “Maybe the goo got it wrong. No one’s infallible.”

   He chewed on that for a minute, while you made your way through some thicker underbrush, but then he grumbled quietly, like he’d been arguing with himself internally.

   “No, I don’t think it did anything at random. We might not be able to suss out why it did such a thing, but I’m certain there was a reason.”

   “Like what?” you wondered, not challenging him, just curious about his reasoning.

   “I think it might’ve looked at every conceivable way to avert the disaster of this planet being destroyed, finding just one viable solution. And I think that everything it did was with surgical precision, specifically to get us to the places we needed to be in the exact moments we needed to be there.”

   “Which would mean my sacrifice was the only solution, all along. And nothing we did differently could’ve changed anything for the better.”

   “True. But what if it also saw this?” he pondered, lifting your joined hands to indicate your restored closeness. “What if it knew that you are so fucking powerful, you’d find a way back to me, even after death?”

   You just smiled at that. There was every chance it was true, just like there was every chance it wasn’t. But either way, however strangely and complicatedly you’d gotten here, you were together.    Against all odds, you’d found a way to each other across space and time. How could you ever argue against that?

   Reaching the black lands, you were once again met by the portal’s defences, but Marcus easily averted them as you made your way to the center of the area, and the large flat rock.    You stood silently in the middle of it, waiting and watching the surrounding rocks, until that same screech could be heard from somewhere to the north. It quickly multiplied until it was coming from all directions, and then hundreds of little black pools of liquid were converging around you.

   But unlike that first time, they didn’t try and engulf you now. They gathered into the black gateway between all of the cosmos, right in front of you, and you felt Marcus laugh lightly beside you.

   “What?” you asked, and he looked at you with a puzzled brow.

   “You can’t feel it?” he responded, smiling wider, but you had no clue what he was talking about, so you shrugged, and he threw a thumb towards the portal. “Don’t be afraid of it, cariño. You know it, just like it knows you. Let it show you.”

   Still not clear about what he meant, you turned your focus on the thing, feeling ambivalent about whether it really was a friend, after everything it had put you through.    But then a feeling started to creep up your spine, and suddenly, images flooded your mind.    Like a movie being played out inside you, Marcus’s entire life was shown to you, from his childhood to his marriage and the birth of Missy, all the way to everything the two of you had been through, including all the lost time you couldn’t remember.

   The three months you’d mentioned earlier, now revealed to you in full, as you’d been brought to the Hawaiian Islands back before Akela’s party had left. You’d lived with them in their time, gotten to know them, shared in their joys and sorrows, for no other reason than that your fates were linked, and it was important that you’d always know each other, even if the memories were no longer there.    That was how Akela had so easily read you. How he’d known you even when you’d been brought before him three years prior to the events which had supposedly been your first encounter.

   From there, the black liquid took you to the memories of Marcus’s Pita as she’d been merged with the matriarch tree. How she’d spent an entire year conserving energy, refusing to grow while she’d waited for the right moment, knowing she could do it. That she could give him everything back.    That she could give you both everything you’d ever dreamed of.

   When the images faded, you and Mo both dropped to your knees, crying with the overload of sensations, the months and years of emotions you’d experienced in the space of mere minutes.

   “Oh, god… I saw your life,” you started, still squeezing his hand while you tried to stop trembling. “I saw everything we missed.”

   “Me too,” he panted, struggling to get his breathing under control, having clearly experienced something similar. “I saw your parents, your birthday… your career. And then…”

   “Hawaii,” you filled in when he had to pause for a moment.

   “Yeah. I finally know what Kahele means,” he breathed, smiling despite the strain to his system, and you mirrored him.

   “The home,” you whispered. “The most fitting name I’ve ever heard for anyone.    You’ve been my home all my life, I just never knew it.”

   He pulled you to him then, embracing you as you both sat there on your knees before the giant black door, finally able to understand everything, and therefor, finally able to let it go.    Akela had asked you to deliver a message to his daughter after he’d passed, but now you knew that it had always been meant for you, since the Chief had always been meant to live on. That the message had actually come from the portal itself, taking the shape and sound of a man you trusted so that you would always remember it.

   ‘Eha ke ola – Life hurts

   He’d said that she would know what it meant, and you did. You knew it wasn’t about pain, but about the struggles of life making you impossibly strong. That the real message had been for you to believe in yourself, because every day of your life had prepared you for this battle. Every moment of self-doubt and fear had been there to teach you just how much you could endure. And how much you could give.

   The portal vanished then, and a moment later, so did the island and the Ozsha, leaving just a barren piece of rock under your feet. A dead volcano, completely natural to this world, not cloaked by any alien lifeforms or sprouting any blood-sucking trees.    Your work was done.

<><><><><><><> 

   You agreed to marry him just a few weeks after your return from the island, and the wedding was one for the books. All the Heroics and their families were there, your brother, and some of the senior staff, and it was mostly just a lovable kind of chaos.    It hadn’t ended until the following morning, after the last bouts of games and wrestling matches had finally drained your guests of their energy, leaving you and Marcus to drive off into the sunrise together.

   But you hadn’t travelled anywhere for your honeymoon. You’d been away for long enough already. Instead, the time off work had been spent in an oceanside cabin not far from your now shared home, in the throws of affection and unbridled passion, resulting in the arrival of Missy’s little brother, nine months later.    She adored being a big sister, doting on the baby boy every chance she got, insisting that you name him Kal, after Superman’s real name, because she had decided that any kid who had managed to get born in spite of spacetime displacements and interdimensional warfare, had to be the most superpowered kid to have ever existed.

   Needless to say, you’d both caved. Baby Kal it was. But he soon earned his own nicknames as well, such as Mini-Ace, MM Junior, and Kaliber, all based on his large and utterly charming personality.    Surprisingly, just like his big sister, he never developed any abilities. And Marcus was actually glad for it, because it meant that Missy would never feel excluded. That the two of them would always be equals, and therefor, hopefully develop a strong and lasting bond.

   Not that you would’ve allowed them to drift apart even if they’d been in danger of it. That was where your experiences of a shattered childhood turned you into supermom, because whatever they did, you always knew how to keep them together. How to keep them united against the struggles of life, so they would always have an ally and a safe place to run to if things got difficult.

   Marcus often sat and just watched you teach them these invaluable lessons, marvelling at how naturally you’d taken on this role which had seemed so impossibly difficult and frightening to you at the start of this relationship.    He remembered how you’d panicked at the mere mention of your childhood during that first dinner, and how scared you’d been of somehow ruining Missy by just being in her life.

   It all seemed so far away now.    But he also remembered how it had felt when you’d died in his arms. First on the island, then with the tree. And whenever those images and feelings gripped him, he understood every nuance of the panic you’d suffered. The crippling fear of knowing that you could utterly destroy those you loved, simply by loving them.

   The rewards of that love, however, would always outweigh the fear, which was why those memories never darkened his spirit or made him doubt anything about his life.    He would go through it all again, a hundred times, if it meant he’d get to see you play with your children, cheer at their successes, share their burdens and carry their pains.    He would never take it for granted and he would never stop thanking your soul for the strength it gave him, every single day, to know how hard you’d fought to get to be with him.

   The island was always doomed to be lost, a mere footnote in history, the scope of which most people would never even understand. But to the two of you, it would always be the place where your lost souls had found their way to each other.    So, every year, on the anniversary of the plane crash, you went back there and planted a tree, leaving it to the elements with the hope that it would survive until the next year. And by the time you’d grown old enough to have grandchildren, an entire forest covered the island once more.

   No one had wanted anything to do with it after it had been deemed safe, so you and Marcus had claimed it. Not to be turned into a resort or even your own private vacation spot, but simply to keep it alive, as a monument to your story.    And together, you’d named it Loa’a.

   Found.

THE END

—————

If anyone has come back to finish this with me, just know that you're amazing! I'm letting the taglist tag along since this story pre-dates my writing blog, so my apologies to anyone who didn't wish to be notified about this anymore.

Beyond that, I'm just so pleased to have this finished, and a huge THANK YOU to anyone who gave or gives this crazy story a chance!

@deadhumourist @idreamofboobear @dornish-queen @ladyphantom96 @sarahjkl82-blog @shsoba05 @cannedsoupsucks @toomanystoriessolittletime @tintinn16 @nolanell @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @myfavpedrothings @generalfoolish @tanzthompson @harriedandharassed @spishsstuff

[graysnetwork]

Hey!! I recently found ur acc and I love ur writings!! I wanted to request a spider noir x reader where a bunch of creepy drunk guys tries to cat call y/n and spider noir swoops in and beats the shit out of them lol. If you can’t write anything like this that’s totally fine! Make sure to take breaks :)

Hii, tysm for the request!! Ik I lowk took a while to respond sooo…

But thanks for this idea I liked it a lot!!

Idk if you wanted me to make them in a relationship so ima do it like Tobey’s Spider-where they only know each other because he saves her a lot.

Friday, 8pm?

Info: I literally had to search up if the subways were a thing in 1933, ALSO THIS ISNT PROOF READ OR HAS GONE THROUGH GRAMMARLY SO IGNORE TYPOS OR DOUBLE WORDS

Warnings: weird creepy guys, cat calling

Summary: (the request)— as you walked out of work a bunch of creepy guys tried following you home, luckily your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man saved the day

You we’re walking out of work, it was a normal day, if you could call any day normal it’d be today, it was fresh as the sun began to set, and the sky got darker. Your shift had ended earlier than usual, so you walked out and began walking to the subway, so you could go home, and eat something as quick as possible.

You walked down the streets of the city, your bag in one hand, your waist apron in the other as you began stuffing it inside your bag along with your other possessions.

Of course this nice evening had to have turned wrong in some way, it would’ve been much more terrible if New York was invaded by a monster, but for you; New York decided to gift you with men who invaded your space.

A whistle was heard two feet away from you, before a man walked up next to you and began talking to you, saying several things; “what’s a pretty girl like you doing out right now?” The man asked, you tried walking faster but only followed “could you leave me alone?” You asked him, being nice about this never worked for you. But it was worth a try, right?

He continued following you asking more things; he was being a little too personal, and now you had to walk through several streets that led to places you didn’t even know, the one thing you didn’t want him knowing was your address so you just walked through the city, and your stomach was grumbling from how hungry you were.

You lost him eventually after a while of walking, he had lost you in the subway, which you couldn’t be more grateful for. You got on and after getting off walking through the city some more, going to your favorite pizza place, you walked out the building and once again; you were found by another, very much older man.

He couldn’t have been thirty years old, he looked much, much older than that. “What’re y’doin out tonight honey?” The man obviously sounded drunk, he put his arm around you and you took that as your cue to push him away.

“Where y’goin hon?” He asked as he jogged over to you and placed and hand on your waist. You were about to push him away again and jog or run away, but before you could even turn your head, he gasped and pulled his hand away; almost pulling you with him as he fell to the ground.

You let out a quick gasp as the man fell and went completely unconscious before you felt yourself being pulled away, you couldn’t comprehend anything before you were standing faced to face; or mask.

In front of a familiar black goggled mask. “what the hell-” you said with a sign as you realized it was Spider-man. “You okay?” He asked, his hands were placed gently on your midriff, “mhm, yeah I’m good..” you nodded at him as he looked you up and down.

“You sure..?” He asked as he continued looking you up and down “yeah, I’m fine” you reassured him “you have a thing for needing my help, huh?” He said, you could almost see the smirk form in his mask.

You chuckled and nodded “yeah, maybe, but I’m fine thank you for saving the day” you smiled at him, his knees almost buckled as your lips curled up. “So, you don’t want me to swing you home?” He asked, a smirk behind the mask, you wished you could see his face so badly right now, you always wanted to see him.

“Well, no, I’m not denying a swing home” you grinned, “so is that a yes?” He asked and you quickly responded with a nod. He held you by the waist and soon enough he had you in the alleyway, next to your complex. You two walked to the front of the bricked three story building.

“Thank you, again” you smiled at him once more, “it’s no problem, I’m Spider-Man remember?” He said as he walked back through the alleyway, you wished you could invite him inside to have a coffee, or just a conversation. But then again, you didn’t know him, he probably wouldn’t accept the invite, and you had no courage to ask.

So you walked inside and headed up the stairs to your small but cozy apartment, you immediately headed to your room to set down your bag. Noticing a shadowy figure through your window to the fire escape.

You noticed his goggles again, “you we’re waiting for me?” You asked opening the window, “you thought I wouldn’t?” he chuckled, “are you sure your not just stalking me?” you giggled, “m’no” he shook his head gently as he let out another airy chuckle.

“I’d be worried if you were” you smiled, you put your hands on the ledge and leaned a little closer to him, “I wouldn’t do that, without your permission” he said, smiling dumbly under the mask, you could here the playfulness in his voice, but also how sincere and sweet he was.

“Take me to dinner first” you smiled, feeling heat rise up your cheeks, “I could, if you wanted too” he said sweetly, “I would say yes, so you should” you leaned a little closer, you almost thought he leaned closer as well.

“I’ll get a reservation than” you could see the wide grin imprinted in his mask, it made you smile more, you nodded hoping that was a good enough response, you hoped that he couldn’t see how flustered you were beginning to look.

“I really like you..” he whispered, the smile under his mask never faded, “I, like you too” you nodded “yeah, I really, really do” you told him, leaning in closer, he noticed it this time and pulled his mask down to his nose before he leaned in and kissed you.

To say this was perfect could’ve been an understatement, but that was the only word you’d use.

You leaned closer, as much as possible, gripping the ledge of window, one of his hand let go of the web he’d been hanging (upside down) on. He placed it in the back of your head, gently pulling you closer to him, as if you weren’t close enough.

You hadn’t even noticed how your hands had been holding the back of his head too, “I, uhm..” you gulped as the heat rushed to your cheeks. “So, dinner next Friday eight pm?” His grin was visible now.

You nodded smiling sheepishly, “good, I’ll make sure to forget the mask” his grin widened, “thats, good” you smiled at him. He nodded off and said his goodbye, you turned back and walked over to your dresser thinking about how

You just kissed Spider-Man.

You just kissed Spider-Man?

He watched you from the window, as you took off your work shirt, he wanted to knock on your window so badly. If only he had the courage.

—

Hope y’all like thisss🙈

[billpottsismygf]

Episode 7 (The Very Long Stairway)! I didn't put it in my last review, but I had a strong feeling we were going to get a flashback to the start of Edwin and Charles' relationship in this one. I had wondered if it would start with it, Good Omens style, so when it didn't happen immediately I thought maybe I was wrong. I was vindicated, however! And I love the use of the Night Nurse's already established powers as a framing device for it. I got so into what was happening, though, that I forgot that was how it started and was surprised when the camera panned to her watching everything.

So, oh my god, Edwin sat and talked with Charles as he died!!!! Edwin is so incredibly kind to him and it's heartbreaking that he knew this boy was going to die in front of him, and decided to make sure he had the most calming death possible. And Charles instantly decided to stay with him. I think it's very telling that he latches onto Edwin so quickly. Charles is someone who values kindness and helping people - he literally just died because he saved another boy from being bullied - so when he understands what Edwin did for him, he knows this is a person to hang onto.

I had wondered for a while if Charles had been the one to rescue Edwin from hell, given that they met 30 years ago, the same time he got out of hell. Turns out that no, Edwin had already just got out of hell by himself, but this was still a really satisfying flashback. Speaking of their relationship, we also finally got the love confession. I really didn't want Edwin to say anything, but it went about as well as it possibly could have. Still, gah, reeling from the secondhand embarrassment and the fact that this is not the time, Edwin! I was about to be so annoyed if the thing 'worse than a demon' had caught them because they spent so long dawdling on the staircase.

The scenes in hell themselves were really effective. Loved the page ripping punishment, very Sisyphean, and in fact the entire scene that followed with Simon was so touching I had to watch the whole thing again immediately. He was a stupid boy who didn't know what he was doing, and their reconciliation reminded me a bit of Pat forgiving the boy who shot him in Ghosts. Anyway, it seems that everyone has a crush on Edwin apart from the one boy he wants. Still, Edwin and Simon reconciling and Edwin telling him that 'if you punish yourself enough, everywhere becomes hell' but that being queer doesn't have to be a punishment, was incredibly moving. Again, Edwin has empathy for him and shows him kindness.

Relatedly, I also loved the scene with Despair. The moment she came on screen, even with her face obscured, I realised who she was. She barely features in Sandman, far less than Death anyway, but I recognised her instantly. Obviously I'm intrigued about the whole 'I'll call you if ever I need you' thing, but for the purposes of this episode I really love how that scene solidified the importance of Edwin having compassion. Edwin can be very bitchy (which I love him for), and he had every right to be mean to the boy who sent him to hell, but he chose kindness instead.

Conversely, Crystal got to choose violence and I love that for her. It was very satisfying seeing her literally get to bury David. It's fitting, as well, that David once overpowered her mind and now she's using her mind to overpower him. It is, of course, 'bad for the tree' if he stays there long, so I wonder if we'll see repercussions from that further down the line.

What else? Oh, the opening scene! The Cat King is such an interesting figure. He's creepy in the way he pursues Edwin, but it feels like they're on slightly more level ground now. He's a wild card character who's not exactly a villain, but will always act in his own interests. I'll be interested to see where his character goes from here, especially now it's been established that he's less powerful than Esther. His line about how strong and great Edwin is and who does Esther think she is trying to beat him, while obviously a problem in terms of giving her ideas, was also interesting in its own right. He clearly knows a fair bit about Edwin and genuinely thinks highly of him. Until this point we've only really seen him interacting with Edwin, where he taunts him the whole time, so this has made me all the more intrigued and invested in him.

Small things:

Edwin explaining to Charles that he doesn't fall through the floor because of the vague and weird ghost rules once again gave me strong Ghosts vibes.

I continue to love Mick, so really hoping he'll be okay after his confrontation with Esther.

Maxine in hell was interesting! I thought we'd learn more about her after her death, but it was a very fleeting appearance.

I thought Jenny might actually learn about ghosts and demons and psychics (oh my), but it seems not, alas.

Simon got a blue light after Edwin left, so does that mean Death came to him? Can people in hell get closure from unfinished business and move on? Or is it something Edwin specifically is good at doing for people?

Monty's still around and doing Esther's bidding! Someone turn him back into a human, please! Maybe Crystal?

I loved Niko getting to save the day (for now) through the power of reading comprehension!

[reds-fluff-extravaganza]

LOOK, I don't know if this is gonna make sense, but it's cute to me, so here ya go just in case u like it

Glitchy Red x a Reader who's now trapped in the game after releasing him. Like, once they both were finally besties and Reader managed to help him... Now the tables have turned

So now it's time for our baby boy to help his friend >:3

I mean, he already has the knowledge, and now he also has the power since he's free, so I doubt it would be too difficult for him to save his friend (and possible love interest but that's another story-)

Btw this isn't supposed to be connected to my other Glitchy request, just saying in, just in case uwu

Finally, I don't have a pokemon quote but... Puns about Cubone are usually humerus (ba dum tsss)

- Fairy Anon 🧚🏻‍♀️

I am living for these requests, thank you. Also I hope this is okay/makes some sense

"Alright, Glitchy Red, are you ready to give this a try?"

"I'm ready when you are, Y/n." You nodded as you set your gameboy to the side. Ever since you received Glitchy Red's cartridge from a nearby game store which sold older games, and finding out about him and his past, you were determined to help him. Glitchy Red was unsure about this at first, considering he did not exactly trust you and had initially thought you were going to throw his cartridge away or give it up to someone else. However, when you did not do any of those things, he was actually quite relieved, and hopeful that you were going to help him like you had promised.

After two years of searching for answers, you two were pretty close to giving up, until you ended up finding a possible solution. You didn't want to get your hopes up too quickly, but you had written it down in a journal in your room, as well as saving the site you had gotten the information from, as a just in case it did actually work and you needed it again for whatever reason. How this person had an idea of what you were attempting, not even you knew. Hey, you can't be too careful. Now you two were going to give it a try, hoping that it would work.

"I hope this works..." You mumbled as you attempted a sequence of button presses and a few other things as you read the words you had written down on your journal. Once you were done, you looked back down at the screen of the gameboy to see if anything had changed.

"Anything?" You asked. Glitchy Red looked around, seeing no changes.

"No, nothing yet. Maybe we need to wait?"

"Oh, sure, let's give it a moment." You waited for a few moments to a few minutes, but still nothing.

"Damn, I really thought we were onto something there." You sighed softly, crossing your arms.

"I guess it's back to the drawing board- wait what is that?" You noticed the screen of the gameboy was glowing more so than usual, which was odd since this required the use of a flashlight to actually see the screen.

"I have no idea what you're seeing, but I feel... different, I can't explain it." Before you could say anything else, the whole room was filled with the same white light, causing you to shield your eyes. When you uncovered your eyes, however, you found yourself... not in your bedroom.

"Where the hell am I?" You rubbed your eyes, looking around the area, which looked rather familiar to you. It then hit you: where was Glitchy Red? "Glitchy Red?!" You suddenly called out, looking for your friend in a bit of a panic.

"Y/n?" You heard him, but you couldn't see him. That is, until you looked up towards the "sky" only to find that your little experiment worked!... sort of.

"Hey, you're finally out of the game!"

"That may be true, but now you're trapped inside." Glitchy Red sounded rather worried about this, not wanting you to be trapped inside the game like he had been.

"I... don't want you to be trapped in there because of me." He was thinking of the worst case scenarios, that you wouldn't be able to leave the game, that he would end up back in there with you, that-

"Red." He looked down at the screen. You only called him that when you were being serious or when you wanted to get his attention.

"Yes..?"

"Stop thinking like that. I'll get out of here, and I'm going to show you everything that I had promised to show you, and spend all the time with you that I possibly can! I got you out, didn't I?"

"Well, yeah, but now you're in the game."

"So? Now that we've figured out how to get you out, if we just do it again, then I should get out too!"

"and if we end up in this situation again? But I'm back in the game and we're back in our original situation?"

"Then we'll keep searching! We will keep looking until we're both out out there, together." Glitchy Red chuckled a bit, shaking his head.

"Alright, I trust you."

"Great! Now let me out of here! Look for my journal, I have it written in there." He nodded and looked around your room, which he had seen parts of here and there from when you carried your gameboy around to show him around. He looks around and finds your journal on the floor and picks it up.

"Alright, let's give this another try." You waited patiently as Glitchy Red input the button combination and other things you had done to get him out. Once he finished, he set the journal and gameboy down, waiting. After a few minutes of waiting, the bright white light filled the room once more, causing both of you to cover your eyes. After the light faded, you uncovered your eyes to find yourself back in your room, with Glitchy Red beside you.

"Y/n?" You heard him say before uncovering his eyes, which you couldn't really see from the shadow of his hat. You smiled and pulled him into a hug, which caused him to flinch in response as you had caught him off guard.

"I... I can't believe it worked." Glitchy Red hugged you back, a faint smile on his face.

"I'm glad it worked." You nodded in agreement, the two of you not letting go from the hug. You knew you would be like this for a while, but you didn't mind. You were happy that Glitchy Red was now out of the game and here with you, and vice versa.

[terrence-silver]

If you could totally have it your way, how would you see Terry Silver eventually dying? Like, what circumstances do you see leading up to/surrounding it and what would be the cause? How would the various people who knew him react, from beloved to John (if you think he’s outlive him, that is) to other characters of Cobra Kai?

---

Despite what the writers might say or do, I am convinced John Kreese would be utterly devastated and anything but utter devastation would be flat out of character for him. A hill I will die on. This is not only a member of his unit, his best friend for a major chunk of his life (possibly well over forty years and counting) literally possibly the last of his own platoon dying, in a time when the generation that served in Vietnam is slowly becoming fewer and fewer in numbers, but this also the end of an era. The end of an age. The life he saved so many times has just extinguished and he's lived long enough to see that day. Ironic, no? Considering how many times John himself has faked his own death and now, here Terry goes for real, no pretending. This is one snake pit John couldn't fight for Terry over. Even if there's bad blood between them, what John goes through and feels is pretty hard to describe in a small blurb but it's akin to someone closer than your own brother no longer being alive. Akin to losing your own limb. He might play tough otherwise. Might not outright show his grieving, but this is a death I don't reckon John would ever recover from emotionally. It's the type of thing that would haunt him to the end of his days and if anyone disrespected that memory, trust and believe John would smash their nose in for it. He has had the privilege and the right to feud with Terry --- others lose a teeth for it. He's some of the few people outside of Betsy and the members of his unit John would look forward to seeing in the whatever fucking beyond exists out there, maybe even in hell, if that's what it takes.

I think Daniel Larusso would be shocked, perhaps even a bit speculative and paranoid, wondering if this is fake news and another dirty trick of Silver's and initially, after double and even triple checking, he probably wants to be happy and relieved about the fact that someone who's caused him so much pain and trauma is finally gone and that he and his family are safe, but the jubilation falls sour pretty quickly, because yeah, I tend to write Daniel like a good person and I don't figure he could sincerely feel anything more than this deep, unsettled sensation where you just can't be happy once your abuser dies. Not really; you tell yourself you should be, but you validly just can't and in fact I almost see him feeling some sort of way about it, dare I say, falling in something of a conflicted, depressive state not too many people know about because Daniel doesn't want anyone to know about it seeing as how it is pretty hard to explain you actually feel a sort of sympathy for someone quite so rotten. Not even Amanda would be aware of this, if at all possible. If anything, the only person he might confide about his true feelings could be someone like Chozen or doing so in front of Mr. Miyagi's gravestone. Thing is, Daniel is aware Terry Silver will never truly leave and that he will live on the trauma and fears he's embedded in Daniel's psyche and he might decide to make peace with it in a callback to his words to Terry and John that ultimately, it'll be Terry who will be forgotten, deciding to just that; Forget and move on in peace, therein lying his greatest personal victory. Irony of all ironies is that Daniel might be the one of those most affected by Terry's death.

Honestly, I don't see the likes of Kenny Payne, Kyler or any of the kids in Terry's new and renewed Cobra Kai caring too much that he died; I mean, considering how easily they all collectively turned on him and how easily they collectively sided with him in the first place, one gets the impression these kids go with the flow. The trendiest, shiniest new things that teaches them the most badass skills and how to use and abuse said skills to beat and abuse those weaker then themselves, and at that time, it was Cobra Kai under Terry Silver. Tomorrow, it could be another cool dojo under another cool Sensei entirely. The world keeps turning. What I mean to say is, there is almost something tragic how easily Terry was left behind by all of his students and how even easier he'll be forgotten by them if he, figuratively speaking, dies.

[silurisanguine]

15 lines of Dialogue game

As ive been away for the weekend, not sure if anyone tagged me with this but saw it open tag so here we go. Tagging @vorchagirl @despicablediet and anyone who'd like to do it! 15 Lines of Dialogue Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well! Since i've written the most with Seren Jones, I shall pick her for this!

1 -"Maybe I am, but there isn’t anything left in this universe worth staying for. Whatever is in the next universe has to be better than this one Barrett, it has to. I can't bare to stay here any more, not without him, not when I could have done it so differently."

2 - "Cora… she was there, saw her dad die…She hated me, blamed me for not saving him. After the funeral, Lillian took her and that was the last I ever saw that wonderful twelve year old. I realised then I had no reason to stay in my universe as everything i loved had been taken from me. I hoped maybe another would give me a second chance. To fix things..to try again…

…That’s why I do this.”

3 - "I came here the first time with no preconception of what I’d find. I was in awe at the location, just as you are now. But what I learned here has guided my hand in relation to how I see the Artifacts, how I see Unity and the Starborn. Anyone who wants to complete the Artifact collection, needs to know the full story for themselves.”

4- "Now you see how dangerous this place is, and this is just the start. The Starborn Guardians here have lost all empathy, all compassion, their humanity in pursuit of their cause. They have nothing left in their existence except to stop anyone else reaching the Temple. …I sometimes wonder what is the point of their existence before I wipe them out of it for good.”

5 -”You washed them clean. I can say one good thing about Lillian in that she gave you the chance to do that. You’re not the same man, Sam.”

6 -”They makes me smile every time I come back here. But I’m not entirely alone, the fish there get a view unlike any other.” She pointed to the couple of little fish swimming in their tanks, sitting right at the edge of the massive view screen. “If you don’t mind taking care of them for me, they’ve been a good little crew, never complained once.”

7 - "I've never met you before. Until today I'd never met a single pirate here." That was the truth, if a little stretched Seren thought.

8 -"All this, this universe is a nightmare. I've been to so many variations and… You… everyone here is so different, so wrong. It’s like Unity decided to show me the worst outcome possible just to make me appreciate who I’d - what I’d lost.”

9 -"Neat trick, have to remember that next time I'm in a hell-hole universe."

10 -"Sorry, Sam, just picturing you over Vlad’s head brought on images of you in ballet tights and…yeah, sorry, I have too much imagination.”

11 - "Yes, justice, Delgado. See that’s behind most things I do now. In this case justice for those your fucking coloured coded Spacers have harmed- have murdered. It’s interesting really how far I got here without anyone realising who I really am... I wondered why no one noticed the SIN of my ship. Even Jess surprisingly. It was a gamble using it of course…But no one ever clocked that I was flying the Razorleaf."

12- “Until I knew for sure you felt the same way I did, I wasn’t sure how to really act around you. But now I know, expect more of this, Sam Coe.”

13 - “You know I would! I mean she called me darlin, you know that makes me melt.”

14 - "…He always said he was bad with words, yet he could say things that were like love poetry to me, that would dazzle me. He was so open with his feelings when he trusted you. Funny, absurd sometimes and he cared deeply and loved passionately. He was an amazing father and I-"

15 - "I've no idea. Being Starborn didn't exactly come with a manual."

[thatnerdontheinternet]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/54771181/chapters/138914833#workskin

Chapter 2

The aftermath

Much later in a happier future Ban would struggle to remember what happened following the captains’ death. He vaguely remembers rushing to save an already injured princess. He probably killed Hendrikson. The captain would have spared him. Unfortunately for Hendrickson, the captain was dead.

What Ban did remember, would never forget, was the princess’s scream when she found the captain. After the battel she searched for the captain. Little did she know that her lovers murder was walking right behind her. At last, she found him covered by the rubble from the destroyed city. Ban had definitely done a terrible job making the captain look peaceful, his corpse looked downright scary. That didn’t stop the princess from walking slowly toward the body and holding it. “Hey there, you are, I was looking for you” she whispered softly to the lifeless figure, while she brushed his cheek. And then it was as if a dam broke, as she slowly realized the horror. The scream was loud and filled with pain. Ban wanted to scream too, but not a single sound made it past his lips. That was probably for the better. Ban didn’t deserve any kind of relief.

If Ban’ memories of the aftermath of the battel felt hazy it was nothing compared to the week that followed. Which in hindsight wasn’t all that strange considering he spend the time drunk out of his mind. If Ban hadn’t drunk his ability to think ore even perceive away, he might have noticed, the constantly changing faces coming to the Boar hat to pay respect to Liones’s late hero. The famous tavern normally filled with laughter, joy and the occasional sound of some unlucky person throwing the captains “food” up, was now in a somber mood. Alle the otherwise lively sins were confused, sad but most of all angry at the captain’s murder, Hendrikson. Nobody could ever imagine the captain’s best friend, who had taken his death the hardest, was also his murderer. Well 2 people knew; firstly, master who was there, but for some reason had chosen not to say anything, although he also hadn’t said a word or even been near Ban since the killing. The other person was Gowther, his reason for not telling was quite simply that no one had asked him. Besides he found this to be a quite enticing development to the captains and Bans friendship, he should probably research that love thing a bit more. Luckily, he had found just the right person to help him.

The captain himself ore more accurate his body, had been placed in his and the princess shared bedroom. Were the princess had done one hell of a better job making it look like he was just sleeping.

Ban couldn’t stand it.

He couldn’t stand all the people who were somehow affected by his shitty decision, he couldn’t stand how kindly they all treated their beloved friend’s murderer, but most of all he couldn’t stand seeing him. He had only seen his best friend’s body once after the princess found him. Feelings of guild now constantly loomed over him, only slightly bettered by the constant flow of sweet mind-numbing liquor. It was just too much. Ban emptied another glass.

Ban waited till the dead of night when most of the sins were sleeping. Ban envied that they still had that ability. Then he started a little night trip towards a certain horn. The truth was that Ban had started the trip every night, and every night he had returned empty handed back to the tavern as terror had gripped him. Terror at the mere possibility that his best friend had died for nothing, that he would never see his beloved fairy again ore Meliodas. Ban wouldn’t know how to deal. Hell, he couldn’t even deal now, and he had chosen this. Another thing that always stopped Ban from finishing his trip was, ironically the thought of seeing Elain again. Although he over the last 12 years had spent every waking and sleeping moment fantasizing about her return, he now felt unprepared. Unprepared for the look of discussed when she realised just what her life had cost, just what kind of person Ban really was. Regrettably that couldn’t be helped. Bam found that he had finally managed to reach the cursed horn. With the power of a nearly deadly alcohol blood ratio, Ban stepped forward.

[swagexpertsong]

Hazbin Hotel Zestial X Alastor's Ancestor Female Reader {Part Two}

<><><><><><><><><><>

{POV. 3 Person}

It was a beautiful, sunny day in Louisiana. (Y/N) was currently in her radio studio making another broadcast.

"It's time for some news, my dear listeners! Last night, another attack by our famous murderer "Bloody Rose" took place. The victim was a twenty-year-old man who allegedly intended to rape one of the women that same day. The victim of this man wanted to remain anonymous, but passed on I was informed by letter that "Bloody Rose" is her heroine. I don't know about you, dear viewers, but in my opinion, the murderess is making much better progress than the police. While it would take them months to find the culprit, she did it in one evening. But enough about "Bloody Rose." - (Y/N) said, smiling evilly. She liked to compliment herself sometimes, but sometimes she had to hold back so that the police wouldn't get suspicious. For now, this little comment won't threaten her because it's a woman saying it compassionate woman.

She has been doing this for several years and so far there has been nothing stopping her from continuing it. Except maybe her career as a radio presenter, which she liked very much. But no one said you can't do both at once.

So far, she has killed about a hundred people and, as always, she hid the bodies in the forest near her old school, which had been closed for over a year. Before committing a crime, she prepared herself for a long time so as not to get tired later. Overall, her crimes were almost perfect.

However, (Y/N) sometimes felt like her end was near. Not because anyone was watching her or anything. She just felt like she was getting closer to her death every day. She shrugged it off at first, but only after nightmares about death began to haunt her did she become more vigilant.

She was not afraid of death. She had long ago come to terms with the fact that one day her time would come. Of course she wouldn't go to Heaven because she killed a lot of people. And the fact that they were evil and cruel people themselves did not justify it. This Hell would be waiting with its doors open to gain another member.

<><><><><><><><><><>

(Y/N) sometimes imagined how she might die. Be it a drunk driver or a heart attack. There were many options. But she could never have guessed that she would die just like her ancestor.

After finishing work, she said goodbye to her co-workers. A few tried to go out on a date with her, but she always turned them down. She wasn't aromantic or asexual, in fact she was Bisexual, but leaned more towards men. Although she liked seeing pretty women.

While walking, she decided to go through the forest, the path of which led to her small cottage on the outskirts of the city. The sun was slightly warm, the wind was playing with the leaves, and animals were running around the meadows.

Suddenly, terrible pain shot through her body. She fell to the ground and grabbed her waist, from which crimson blood flowed.

"Shit!" - (Y/N) cursed under her breath. She was shot and there was a bullet in her body. To go to the nearest hospital she would have to turn around, or she could go home that was closer and patch herself up. She wasn't a doctor, but she could remove the bullet. She started getting up slowly so as not to make her situation worse. - "Ugh! I-I have to as soon as possible-"

She didn't finish the sentence because something interrupted her again. It was also a bullet, but this time it hit her in the head. She fell to the ground and her ears began to ring unbearably. She put her hand on her head and when she took it off she also saw blood.

After a while, her vision began to blur. She knew her time had come and there was no saving her now. She was not as desperate as her victims, who begged God for help. Unlike them, she has already come to terms with her fate. The last thing she thought before she let out her last exhale was.

"You better get ready Hell, because you're not ready for what awaits you. Welcome new arrival (Y/N) Hartfelt."

<><><><><><><><><><>

[wisteriasymphony]

thinkin about heroes day bugbite

----------------

Catalyst's arms were bound behind her back by a string she couldn't break, no matter what she tried to use. She had to snap it with her hands, twist it until it tore, even attempted to bite it, but the string seemed to repair itself even before the damage was fully done. It was humiliating to know Gabriel was watching her struggle like a bunny in a bear trap, writhing as it considered gnawing a leg off just for a chance at survival. She wondered why Gabriel had even allowed for her to possibly get caught to begin with.

The massive figure in crimson pulled in the rope slowly, making it seem like Bugbite was dragging in a caught fish or a harpooned whale, a predator delighting in the ease of the catch, grinning through bloodied gums and yellow teeth. The blood in that case was one of Catalyst's few blows to Bugbite that was truly successful. But while kicking an opponent in the teeth would be enough to keel a man over... Bugbite was no mere man.

"You know the deal," Bugbite smiled, still towering over Catalyst even while kneeling down to get closer to her level. "So let's say we cut to the chase, hm?"

Catalyst tried to scoot away from Bugbite's grasp, but to no avail. She knew Hawkmoth could see and hear it all down to her own panicked breath, and yet nothing seemed to be coming for help! Not another akuma for reinforcement, not a swarm to be a distraction, not even Hawkmoth himself.

"You either tell me who you are, and I let you live. Or," they laughed, unholstering a knife from their belt. "I find out who you are anyways!"

Hawkmoth wasn't doing anything. He wasn't even speaking to Catalyst anymore. All these years, and Gabriel would just let her die?!

"You don't know that I'll detransform upon death!" Catalyst spat. "There'd be no reason to kill me, you'd gain nothing from it!"

The knife was raised, glinting in the harsh sunlight, and Bugbite smiled as if to answer that the killing was the reason in itself. Catalyst couldn't see the blade anymore, but she knew it was leveled diagonally above her head. One fell swoop, and she'd be dead in an instant at best. If Hawkmoth didn't care to save her now, would he care to save her if she was bleeding out from the head in a pile of rubble?

"You're right, I don't know!" Bugbite laughed. "...Do you?"

--

Pawltergiest had been busy doing his usual job of trying to evacuate the crowd; He was cataclysming the debris in the peoples' way and leading them into safe avenues and roads, all far enough away to both protect them from harm and from possibly seeing Bugbite 'strike' again. Something had felt off about this day, and he'd just assumed it was because he used to hate being a hero. But now, there was a tenuous balance between him and his partner, and people thought he was useful again. He was the 'good cop' to Bugbite's 'bad cop', in a way.

When he finally caught up to see how Bugbite was dealing with Catalyst..... Nathalie Sancoeur was being carried away, a crude letter "B" carved into the side of her stomach.

"And let that serve as a lesson to your employer," the bug had barked to Nathalie, "That the longer he tries to hide, the more of you will crawl back to him branded!"

Bugbite turned around, finding Pawltergiest entirely still and entirely silent.

"Well, another day's work," she had said, picking up her partner and letting him sit on one of her shoulders as per the usual routine. "How did it go for you, kitty-cat? You hurt at all? -Hell, what am I saying, you probably did great—"

"Claudia, I know her."

"Hm? The uh- Nathalie Sancoeur person? ...I mean, that's good that you recognize her, I suppose."

"No. I know her. She's my dad's secretary."

Bugbite stopped in her tracks. She'd tried hard over the past few days to close off her own emotions to make herself less susceptible; Claudia already had trouble even giving names to her feelings, so she had taken to it quite well.

But she knew what guilt felt like. Regret.

"Ah, look," Bugbite said, scooping Pawltergiest off her shoulder and holding him up. "You know I don't really mean it, kit. They get healed too in the end, y'know. And I, I just get a bit carried away here and there, it wasn't a personal thing."

----------------