#if anything he became more clear in saying that showing their friendship 'comes priority' rather than 'leading people on' (!)

[ineedmojoe]

Two more times Ryan described Eddie as straight

We're back! Let me know if I missed any other instances.

9-1-1’s Ryan Guzman on Dancing in His Underwear Like Tom Cruise — November 7, 2024 — Max Gao — TV Guide

If I'm not mistaken, tonight's episode marks the first time that Eddie has explicitly called himself straight, but there are a number of fans who have always seen him differently. You're obviously aware of the fans online who see the romantic potential in Buck and Eddie's relationship. Where do you stand in that conversation? Has that ever been a conscious consideration in your mind?

Guzman: Yeah. Me and Oliver are well-aware of the fandom and where everybody else sees the characters going, and I've seen this as people are going to see what they want to see and they want to believe what they want to believe. I'm not here to say that's right or wrong. I'm very indifferent to it. I love the love, and I've always said that.

For me, I thought it was a beautiful indication, a beautiful opportunity, especially when Buck comes out as bisexual, to showcase to the world a heterosexual man and a bisexual man living or hanging around each other and being best friends, brothers, without anything changing, without any kind of awkwardness or weirdness. Let's showcase to the world how you should treat each other. Your sexuality shouldn't change how you interact with an individual. You should still be able to love them.

And whatever implications other people have on Eddie for why he might be the way they see him, I would say, "Let's revisit that. Let's see that. Let's bring that to the table and talk about it," because I think men should be vulnerable. I think men should be able to be vulnerable, especially with other men, [regardless of] any indication of any sexual preference. So I think Tim and I did have a conversation about this, and I just thought it was an incredible opportunity — especially now, with the state of the world and state of America, it's like: We need this. We need to showcase togetherness and unity and inclusion without it being highlighted so much. It's like, you don't have to go through the spiel of who you are. I already accept you, and I already love you. 

‘9-1-1’ Actor Ryan Guzman On His TV Journey And Living In The Moment — February 12, 2025 — Jeff Conway — Forbes

With fans and social media often speculating the depth of the supportive and sometimes emotional bond between Eddie and Buck on-screen, I was curious if Guzman feels there could be more to this close friendship, and if a romantic turn of events in the script was ever pitched to him, would he be open to it, or does he feel that this would not be the path for Eddie? Guzman said, “I see something very specific. I pull from my own experience. I’ve had plenty of friends - not so much bisexual, but more so homosexual - that I’ve seen them live their lives. I like to advocate the environment of safety and the ability of trust between different sexualities and different individuals. So, I think there’s such a strong storyline within that and the opportunity to showcase to the world - and the now ever-changing environment and with the new political environment we’re in, that there shouldn’t be a division between individuals. I think that comes priority, to be honest, rather than let’s say leading people on into thinking anything else.”

Six times Ryan described Eddie as straight

(Bolding is mine. I’ve highlighted where he’s said Eddie is straight as well as his point that he wants to “dispel” that just because Buck and Eddie are vulnerable with one another, it doesn’t mean Eddie is queer. I also bold where he says that it’s more important to show audiences that Eddie, a straight man and ally, can be friends with a queer man, and it doesn’t affect their friendship or "change the sexuality" of the straight man. I’ll also note that he answered almost every interview question that implied Eddie was queer this way during the end-of-s7 interviews. He seems to only not go into this spiel if the interview question is clearly about Buck and Eddie's platonic relationship. Edit: I want to add that I think the queer Eddie headcanon is totally valid, and I see how people see and write that from various moments in the show. It just seems like they have no plans to go there in canon.) 

9-1-1’ Star Ryan Guzman on Buck & Eddie: ‘It’s Baby Steps Towards Anything & If Anything’ — May 9, 2024 — Meredith Jacobs — Swooon (formerly on TVInsider)

Even before 9-1-1 Season 7, fans have wondered if the drama would eventually pair Buck (Oliver Stark) and Eddie (Ryan Guzman) together romantically. And now, with this season featuring Buck exploring his bisexuality—he’s with former 118 member Tommy (Lou Ferrigno Jr.)—the question does have to be asked if the show could go there with him and his best friend.

“We just got to the point where Buck is having this own personal growth of himself, so it’s like baby steps towards anything and if anything,” Guzman tells TV Insider.

Furthermore, he’s especially enjoying what this arc is “showcasing on national television: a bisexual man coming out to a heterosexual man and having the strength to do such, and then having the heterosexual man giving that man a safe space to be caught in and to be loved and nurtured. I think there’s still an air out there in the world that your sexuality preference determines if you’re weak or not, or determines if you’re capable or not, of being just a good human being, which is such a crazy thing to think about,” Guzman continues. “I love that we get to dispel that ideology and we get to showcase and reflect to the world that your sexual preference has no meaning in friendships and connection. Accept people for who they are, love people for who they are, and let’s keep it pushing. Let’s have fun. Let’s have a great time.”

9-1-1′s Ryan Guzman Reacts to [Spoiler]’s Return and Eddie’s Betrayal: ‘He’s Weaving a Dangerous Web’ — May 9, 2024 — Andy Swift — TVLine

TVLINE | I think I have more appreciation for Eddie this season after watching his friendship with Buck reach a new level. Buck is in such a vulnerable place, and it’s given Eddie a chance to step up and support him. A lot of guys come out and worry that things won’t be the same with their straight friends, but Eddie handled everything perfectly. He’s a true ally, that one.

I just access from my own personal life with friends that have come out to me. I think we were all raised in a generation where men were expected to be hardened and not access our feelings. … You can still be that type of man and be friends with a person who has a completely different sexuality than you. It has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t make his jokes less funny, the time you hang out with him isn’t any weirder or more awkward. If it does, the person who’s feeling that way has something they’re going through that they maybe need to come out to, too.

I would love to reflect onto the world that you should be there for your brother, you know, be there for your sister. If someone comes out to you, handle it with a net of safety and love and just keep it pushing after that. Like, “That must have been hard for you. Now that we’re past that, let’s go enjoy your lives.”

9-1-1’s Ryan Guzman on Eddie’s Shocking New Love Interest and the Consequences He’ll Face — May 10, 2024 — Ashley Bissette Sumerel — Tell-Tale TV

Guzman also discussed Eddie’s reaction to Buck coming out as bisexual earlier this season. 

“[Buck] coming out as a bisexual man to a person who is, not necessarily machismo, but a typical heterosexual individual with all these accolades behind him, that could be very scary for a man like Buck to come out to,” he noted.

However, when Buck reveals to Eddie that he and Tommy had been on a date, Eddie’s reaction is one of acceptance and love.

“Partly why I love that specific scene so much is because it was an opportunity to showcase to the world [that] this is how you handle that situation — that sexual preference doesn’t dictate how we should interact with each other and how I should treat you as a human being. And that doesn’t make me love you any less or think of you any less,” Guzman said.

“It just shows me what you like. I’ve already shown you what I like… and clearly, it’s my dead wife,” he laughed.

“Oliver [Stark] and I are aware that everybody has their own renditions of what Buck and Eddie are to be,” Guzman continued, referring to the hope many fans have that Buck and Eddie will eventually develop a romance.

“We love the love. We love that they’re invested so much into these characters,” Guzman said.

“Everything has to fall in its own truth, and at this moment, I think the beauty and the truth is that a man saw another man in need and was seeing another man be so vulnerable in front of him. And what he did was say, ‘Hey, I got you, brother. Don’t worry.'”

Speaking of the possibility of a Buddie romance, Guzman said that while he didn’t want to speculate, his feeling is that audiences are drawn to the vulnerability between the two characters.

“I can’t read the audience’s mind, and I don’t want to speculate on anything that I don’t know, but I think that people tend to lean on the vulnerability side. That’s something that I’ve always tried to explore in this character specifically because I can relate to it,” he said. “A lot of people feel that just because you’re vulnerable, it means that you’re a certain thing or not. And I’ve always wanted to dispel that a little bit.”

“You can be a very macho man and be vulnerable at the same time, but it’s who you’re vulnerable to. Because vulnerability is a gift. You just don’t share it out to the world. And if you do, you better have strength in that vulnerability and confidence in that vulnerability. It’s gotta be tried and true.”

“So, I think that this is another great opportunity to showcase that men can be vulnerable with each other and allow for that space of growth. And we might’ve met each other at one time in our lives, but it doesn’t mean that we have to hold each other to that point,” Guzman said.

‘9-1-1’ Star Ryan Guzman Breaks Down That Emotional Finale Goodbye — May 30, 2024 — Max Gao — The Hollywood Reporter

Eddie was raised with the toxic masculine ideal that he had to suppress his emotions, and it’s only been through his relationships at the 118 that he has begun to feel more comfortable with expressing his feelings. How do you think Eddie’s upbringing has influenced the kind of person he is in the present day? And as someone who has drawn plenty of parallels between yourself and Eddie, what parts of your own lived experiences have you drawn from?

I pull from a lot of my own personal history. I always had emotions when I was younger. Growing up in Sacramento, it was always frowned upon to have these emotions and even trying to understand them. Actually, I was told that it was homosexual to feel these feelings, and I’m like, “Wait, so having feelings makes me be this kind of person? I don’t understand this.” So it was always something that I never could understand in the setting that I was growing up in.

Now I use that as a conduit to Eddie, because the setting he was growing up in was similar. Coming into this new family of seeing Hen and now Buck being versions of themselves who are living in their truth, it now allows Eddie to live in his truth and see there is new life and new opportunity. He’s allowing himself to be vulnerable and realize, “No, [being vulnerable] doesn’t make me less of a man, and it’s not an indication that my sexuality has to completely change because I feel these emotions. I’m still the same man. I just now have a greater awareness and greater depth of who I am because of these emotions.” This has always been something that I’ve wanted to portray on camera, and having Eddie be the conduit for that has been an incredible opportunity for myself as an actor and as a person. I love the fact that I’m able to show to the world, through Eddie, that having this vulnerability with your brothers or your sisters doesn’t make you anything that the world might throw at you as a title. It just makes you more aware of who you are and gives you an opportunity for some emotional intelligence. 

Ryan Guzman of 9-1-1 — May 20, 2024 — Tommy DiDario — I've Never Said This Before With Tommy DiDario (Podcast)

Tommy (12:46): You can't predict the future. Nobody can on this show. But if the opportunity one day happened to come your way where they were like, "This storyline might be explored between Buck and Eddie," would you be open to that storyline in the future? I see you smiling. Oliver had the same reaction, a big grin on his face when I asked this.

Ryan (13:06): Yeah, you know, like I said, it's got to live in the truth. And I think right now we live at a moment, or me, I live moment to moment. So I love the fact that the biggest plot point between these two characters is one happens to be bi, one happens to be hetero, and they have this vulnerability towards each other. And that is the truth to me. It's the fact that you have such a safe space, and it doesn't matter your sexuality, that you have a safe space to talk to this individual, and he can fully accept you. If we can stay with that, then whatever happens happens. But I don't necessarily want to push the fact that because you're vulnerable, you have to be one way or the other in your sexuality. I would hate to, you know, have a lot of other men who are struggling mentally and not sure about, "Oh, do I even open up? Will that make me something that I'm not?" I would hate to push that narrative. So if we live in the truth, whatever happens happens. And again, I'm here for it all.

9-1-1’s Ryan Guzman Breaks Down Eddie’s Biggest Season 7 Moments: Bachelor Party Hijinks and More — June 10, 2024 — Kat Pettibone — Us Weekly

Whether it be through his military duty, being Latino, his religion or his relationship with Buck — which some fans perceive as romantic — Eddie Diaz is someone who makes viewers feel seen. Playing a character who can connect to so many, Guzman shared, is something he takes seriously.

[Note: Kat Pettibone shared that this is the specific question she asked here: “There are a lot of queer fans who see themselves in Eddie Diaz despite him not being canonically queer himself. How does it feel to play someone who makes people feel seen and represented — in a multitude of ways, but for queer people as well?”]

“I love the ambiguity of Eddie and that there’s connective tissue there — for queer people or not — to relate and to fall in love and to find themselves in who Eddie is,” he said. “I mean, there’s a vulnerability in Eddie, there’s also a chaos in Eddie. There’s so much realness in Eddie. And I love that there’s so many fans out there of all demographics that find themselves in Eddie.”

Guzman said that he hopes to show “the more humane side” of Eddie, highlighting that “within community, we can all heal.”

“That’s what I see the 118 being for Eddie,” he continued. “It’s this therapy, this family, whether you’re lesbian like Hen or you’re bisexual like Buck, it does not matter your sexual orientation. We can all share the same dinner plate and we can all love each other and feel safe enough to say whatever it is we want to say. That’s the kind of world I want to live in. And that’s what I love about Eddie. And the fact that he gets to portray to all these other individuals who are militant and raised Catholic and very hard-edged, to let those boundaries go.”

[alreadyblondenow]

You and your words | Hendery

❤︎ Prince!Hendery x female!reader ❤︎ Fluff, Smut, Smut, Angst, Royalty AU, best friends to lovers, fuck buddies for some time hehe ❤︎ 3/4 for LOVE MONTH SERIES: Boys Don’t Cry One is a big number

One is a big number | You and your words | Sweet | He loves me, he loves me not |

Summary: You and prince Hendery are good friends... who lust for each other and trying so hard not to fall in love. But your mother, an ambitious woman, wants to use prince Hendery to improve the status of your family.  

Word count: 9,614k

Warnings: Unprotected sex, virginity loss, making out, best friends but they lust for each other, masturbation (male), mentions of masturbations (female), they think of each other when they masturbate ano ba, fingering, a lot of kissing, dirty talk, corruption, slight exhibitionism, mentions of oral sex, fuck buddies for some time, dirty talking... but through love letters.... haha, mentions of other idols, strict parents, mother issues, Hendery being a spoiled prince, slight cheating, a lot of bad decisions, you might get mad to Hendery or reader?

A/N: PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. inspired by the Netflix series Bridgerton and First Burn from Hamilton. 

For my baby’s Love Letter event, @neosmutcollective​ HAPPY CUPID DAY!

February 14

My dearest best friend,

I am inviting you to my family’s soirée and ask you to accompany me the whole night. In return, I will sing praises about you to my cousin Xiaojun.

Prince Hendery

Everyone knows that an invitation to the queen’s soirée is the holy grail and it is very hard to be invited especially if the queen or king does not know you personally. But you, the ever so beautiful Y/n, is friends with their son Prince Hendery. So it’s up to you to claw your way to the top and to honor your family. At least that's what your mother wants you to do.

You don’t request anything from the prince, no. Everything that he does or gives to you is voluntarily and because he loves you dearly. As a friend.

It all began when he accidentally bumped you a little too hard because he was in a hurry to avoid a certain dance with someone he does not know. You were both in your teenage years at that time and it was a season where young people were rather picky. The young gents always look for the prettiest most flawless lady, and the young ladies always.... well, avoid anyone or everyone unless he's the prince.

You were quite young by that time and you didn’t care about courting, suitors, love letters, or expensive flowers. That’s why you didn’t know what the prince looked like nor his name, because you didn’t care at all.

“My apologies my lady, I didn’t see you” he offered his hand and pulled you from the ground. It was so kind of him to help you get up and straighten your dress. Not to mention he kissed the back of your gloved hand and apologized again.

“It’s fine. Is someone running after you?” you pursed your lips and hugged yourself to protect yourself from the cold. The palace gardens have it’s unique February breeze, you thought.

“Here,” he smoothly removed his coat and put it around you. “I’m Hendery” he smiled when he finally realized that you don’t know who you are with right now.

“Y/n. The ball is kind of boring and quiet. N-no offense to the queen and her family but everyone seems so uptight and pushing us, the young people to entertain the adults- I’m sure you understand what I’m saying here” your tone was a little loud and the annoyance caused by your mother is slowly showing.

“Very much. In fact, I was running away from a dance that I don’t want to be a part of” he giggles so handsomely to show his support for what you’re feeling right now. "Love is the last thing that I desire right now but my mother wants me to entertain a bunch of women and converse for some time with their mother or father"

“How many girls did you entertain tonight?” you asked back, and also giving back his coat because you’re about to leave him.

“Two. My mother and my sister” he answered proudly which made you smile and let out a small laugh. At least between the two of you, he has the freedom to say no.

When you finally got back to the boring party, your mother was quick to fix your hair and fluff your dress before she pushes you again on the dance floor and dance with the prince. She told you she went to great lengths so you could have some time to dance with the crowned prince even if it’s just for a few seconds.

“Work your magic young lady, enchant the prince, and try to make him interested in you. Be useful like your sisters, be engaged to the prince soon and all is well” your mother’s exact words.

Ah right. Of course, your mother’s priority is to use you as bait to the bigger fishes so you could earn their love and respect. So with a heavy heart and feet, you walked in the middle of the dance floor, feeling so ashamed and humiliated for you were so sure that the prince will not show up because he does not have any interest.

Tears are starting to ball at the corner of your eye but you felt a shiver on your spine when someone tapped you from behind.

Lo and behold, prince Hendery came and graced you with his attention.

“Are those tears?” He was quick to grab your hand and waist to save you from the humiliation but the place started gossiping in no time. You can hear people asking one another if you’re royalty, where did you come from and why is the prince only interested in having a dance with you.

“I’m sorry my prince,” you cleared your throat and hope that your face is pleasing, “we meet again, I have no idea that you’ve been gracing me with your time already. My apologies”

He let out a small laugh before he twirled you. “That’s Hendery, not prince Hendery. The quick moment that I shared with you outside made me feel that I’m free” he whispered beside your ear. So sincere, so true, but it sounded like he’s calling for help.

“Thank you prince Hendery, my mother is pleased”

“I too. I mean, the queen is pleased”

“How about you, your grace, are you pleased?”

“Very much pleased. Tell me, what’s your name?” You stepped back and bowed down to him, as low as you can.

“Lady Y/n L/n, your grace” you smiled and slowly recovered from your bow.

And in that very moment, while a unique friendship is slowly blooming in the middle of the dance floor, everyone started hating you even before knowing your name or family name.

But for prince Hendery, it’s a name that he will never forget and love starting that night.

From there on you and prince Hendery became the best of friends, making the whole town jealous and making everyone crave your attention, begging for you to answer the golden question which is, “Are you two in love with each other?” Something neither you nor Hendery can’t answer because you do love each other, but not deep enough.

Months and years have passed and still, you and prince Hendery please your mothers by being sweet whenever you have eyes watching. Balls, birthday parties, luncheons, soirées, all to which you and prince Hendery had a great time making everyone jealous. Like tonight, where prince Hendery should be right beside you because you are his guest but he is nowhere to be found. Until one of his guards came to you and told you, “Prince Hendery is asking for you in his bedroom, my lady” thankfully it was a whisper, or else it could have been a big scandal.

You have never stepped foot into prince Hendery’s room even though the two of you are incredibly close. No one can enter a royal bedroom except family, guards, maids, or his future fiancé. That’s why you were nervous while you continue to question yourself, ‘what are you doing here?’ until you found yourself in front of the prince’s bedroom and his guard opened the door for you.  

“Are you going to marry me?” You asked after the guard shut the door, teasing your best friend and not coming any closer to him.

“Will you please come join me to bed? I’m sad” he pouted so cutely and lie on his side. “You look lovely tonight. The flowers I sent you this morning match your dress perfectly, I picked it from the garden where we first met” he added.

You giggle and told him to look at your head, there he saw a flower from the ones he sent you. “Creative,” he says and pats his bed one more, still asking for you to lie beside him. Of course, you gave up eventually, but you lie so far from him that he had to pull the sheets a little too harshly to get a hold of you which completely startled you and made you nervous. “Much better,” he says, face closer to you than ever that his breath touches your skin.

“No more games my prince, why did you summon me here?” you’ve never been close to Hendery like this. If the queen hears about this, you and your family will be in trouble.

“Nothing special, I just want to be free before I become the night's hot topic” he admitted.

“That's why I'm here. I promise to drag you away whenever someone is coming” He smiles at your effort to cheer him up, “or would you prefer dancing the whole night so we don't get disturbed?” you offered him a hug while you two lie in bed comfortably. “Everything will be fine as long as Im here” you added.  

“Exactly, that's why I called you here” he smiles and closed his eyes, listening to the distant violin playing from downstairs. And to make him feel better, you threw away your shyness and rest your head on his chest. He automatically wraps his arms around you and giggled while his eyes were still closed. Secretly happy that you’re slightly on top of him while his embrace becomes tighter and tighter by the second until your face is much closer to his face again when he rolled on the side dragging your body with him.

Shyness creeps in your bones again as he looks at you deeply. Making your body incredibly warm by just looking at you and keeping your body close. You tell yourself, ‘look away, it’s improper to look at your prince like this’ but you can’t and you don’t want to.

“If I ask you to kiss me, will you say no to me?” he bravely asked, eyes hoping for you to say yes. But when you’re taking too long to answer, you saw the disappointment in his eyes, and his embrace was becoming loose. “I’m sorry for being a fool-“

To his surprise, you didn’t answer him through your words but through your actions. You kissed your prince friend on the lips which he returned without hesitation. He was happy and he’s proving it by the way he kisses you, smiling in between taking breaths, letting out a soft moan whenever he’s being too carried away. You didn’t expect to love the way how his lips touch yours, you didn’t expect him to be a good kisser but it was so good that when you closed your eyes you thought you were in a cloud and an angel is kissing you.

It was slow and not rushed. It is as if time stopped while your heads were turning and your tongues were fighting for dominance while no one noticed that your fingers are intertwined. When he pulled away and kissed your forehead to end the moment, he thanked you for not refusing and even asked you where did you learn to kiss like that. “I’m glad the first lips I ever kissed is owned by a woman who truly, cares for me” he smiles and kissed the back of your hand one too many times before he got up from his bed, and offered his hand to help you.

That night, while you and prince Hendery were kissing privately, something sparked inside him that he had never felt before. You may not know but during the party, prince Hendery noticed that you can be someone he can be in love with.

February 19

My dearest Y/n,

Have you been well? When can I see you again? Did you receive the flowers that I sent you and your mother? Perhaps I could pay you a visit and we can have a picnic somewhere private.

I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop thinking about the kiss we shared.

Prince Hendery

Days after that beautiful kiss, prince Hendery sent you beautiful flowers, one for each corner of your home that even your mother was impressed and had the wrong idea. Of course, she thought the prince is courting you and that sending you many expensive flowers is a sign that he is now ready to show his seriousness to you.

“May I see that letter, dear?” she reached out her hand, waiting for you to hand prince Hendery’s recent letter.

“Mother, I’m sure the prince will not be pleased with your idea," you said in the nicest way but the tone of your voice had a hint of begging. Why must she put you in this position? Your own mother. She walked slowly towards you and snatched the letter from your hand and watch your mother betray you in front of your eyes.

After reading, she was very much amused and happy by what she just read. “the kiss we shared, eh?” she said with a smirk. “Write back-“

“I will not” you talked back.

“Write back or I will” she said with a stern voice, “you are to write back and flatter the prince. Tell him you want to happen again, tell him to invite you again to one of his family’s events”

“Mother, I don’t talk like that”

“Whatever, just do as I say For our family’s name, for our family’s sake. Be useful like your sisters” she straightens up her posture and told you to go to your room and write the letter.

You thought that your mother understood the friendship that you have with Hendery but turns out she still wants to use you as bait and to get the attention of the royal family. It sickens you, to be honest. Because Hendery is a decent person, always nice to you and your family and also you love him dearly as a friend.

As you look at the blank paper and arrange your thoughts, trying so hard to talk like how your mother wants but you just can’t. So instead, you told him the truth and what your heart says.

February 19

Dear Prince Hendery,

You care for me always, I am well thank you for asking.

Apologies for not being around these days, I was catching up with some readings. I did receive the lovely flowers, they were very beautiful my mother was pleased.

I miss you awfully. And the private picnic you offered sounds wonderful and can be arranged for tomorrow.

Lady Y/n

“No mention of the kiss?” prince Hendery whined to his best friend Ten while he watches him clean his hands from their afternoon hunt.

“Maybe the story that you told me is just part of your imagination,” Ten laughed.

“It’s not. It’s much real- how can I bring this up to her again? I want it to happen again”

“Oh, you’re a spoiled prince. When will you change? Tell me my, friend, do you love her, or you’re willing to use her for your desperateness?” it was a bold question to open the eyes of the prince.

“I do love her but, it’s very little and I’m sure I’m driven by my lust” the prince admitted.

“Then court her. Feelings can grow and the next thing you know, you now have a queen. And your mother will be pleased”

Hendery shook his head to show his disappointment to his friend. He may be the prince but he believes that he’s not born in this world to merely please his mother but to follow what his heart really wants. Like to marry the one he loves.

On the next day, as promised, the prince planned a private picnic for just the two of you and it was perfect. Being with prince Hendery is like an escape from the reality of your home and for prince Hendery, being with you makes him feel normal. “The sun feels good, doesn’t it?” he put a strawberry in your mouth and watch you chew it while you lie comfortably on his lap.

Since when did you two start to exchange flirty glances? you asked yourself. But you shrugged it off and continue to mind your thoughts. You may not know but it’s obvious that your mind is not in this picnic and prince Hendery can see right through you, he knows something is bothering you so he asked you. “Nothing my prince, I’m just thinking and admiring the perfect weather,” you said with the slightest of interest.

“Why are you so proper when you’re writing to me or when you’re with me? What's the matter? Speak your mind your prince demands it,” he ate another strawberry and you got up from your comfortable position.

“That’s not fair,” you said because you can’t tell him what’s really on your mind.

“It was meant to be a joke, what’s wrong?”  

He will never give up until you tell him something that will stop his curiosity, so you didn’t have a choice but to lie. “Having no suitors and my desire to escape from reality. That bothers me” you said and tried diverting your attention by indulging at the feast in front of you.

“Maybe there’s a reason for that. Look for a suitor that's very much like me” he says boldly, looking at you deeply like he’s telling you the answer is right in front of you already. And to be honest, a suitor that’s very much like the prince doesn’t sound so bad. He’s a gentleman, has good intentions, and also a good kisser.

“I will keep that in mind. Now read me poetry and tell me stories,” you went back to your comfort on his lap and listen to him talk while you two bask under the beautiful weather. He reads you tons of poetry that sounded real and full of emotions, tells you stories about his childhood and the things that he wants to do in life, even fed you with the palace gossips, and made you laugh. Again, the picnic is perfect and prince Hendery once again provided an escape from your ugly thoughts.  

You watch the sun go down while you both finish the wine in your cups and eat the leftover cheese because there's nothing left anymore. Both a little tipsy from the wine already, laughing and giggling before midnight strikes then out of nowhere, the rain poured so hard that it got you both soaked in a matter of minutes.

Running hand in hand to look for a shade as the field becomes darker each second, good thing prince Hendery saw a thick tree that can provide shade in the meantime. With soaking clothes and wet skins you stand closely together behind the thick tree, waiting for the rain to stop. But the prince is thanking it silently for giving him this moment with you. A moment with you where he can admire you closely again, a moment with you privately where he can keep you close to him, and a moment with you where he can try and ask for a kiss again.

You’re not stupid. You can feel the warmth of his body like he’s sharing some of it to you, you can feel his fingertips dancing on your exposed back all the way to your nape, letting you feel the wetness of your skin which you very much love but you can’t admit it to yourself.

“You said you wanted an escape well I too,” he leaned forward to give your jaw a soft kiss that’s very much addicting, leaving you for wanting more. He pulled away to look at you for a few seconds, waiting for you to return the kiss and accept his offer. And without any hesitation, you kissed him on the lips and showed him what you want.

“An escape and nothing more-“ you said because giving the prince false hope is the last thing you want to happen.

“I understand, he says with a smile. Very much pleased to see you give in to him and his charms. He kissed you to show you how happy he is, reaching for your right leg and lift the skirt of your dress so he could feel the wetness of your skin further. You moaned and gasp sharply near his ear as you feel your leg locks automatically around his waist as he pushed you on the tree with a grunt and kiss you even more harshly.

Soon you feel his fingers creep in your inner thighs, closer than ever to your sex. “Hendery-“ you moaned when he finally swipes his finger on your sex, wetting his fingers in front of your eyes using his spit and putting it back to your sex and continue to make you feel good. He is holding you tightly as your grip on his shoulder tightens even more. Oh he knows what he’s doing. You smile at that thought while parting your lips, furrowing your brows, and moaning even more deliciously near the prince’s ear.

And while he continues what he’s doing to you, you felt something hard poking your other thigh while his lips were leaving marks on your chest, just right above your breast. Is that what you think it is? Well, if yes then his cock is big, and thinking about it makes you horny even more. “Are you happy?” he whispered, disturbing your lustful thoughts, nod your head yes, and returned your lips to his. Biting it and sucking his tongue, showing him that you are very much driven by lust too.

When he finally found the spot that instantly made your legs shake and your knees weak, he watched you let go right before his eyes and watch you bite your lips and make sinful sounds that he’s very much proud of. Satisfied with the pleasure that he provided, he removed his fingers from your hole and helped you fix your dress. You feel very tired and exhausted, that your legs are about to give up but Hendery will never let you fall. He kissed you more, asked for more and you gave him more until you’re both happy and satisfied with the long kisses that you shared. “Let me bring you home safely” he sweetly requested when he noticed that the rain was long gone and you’re in a middle of a dark field.

Walking hand in hand back to his carriage where his guards are waiting, you two remain unbothered with your wet clothes and stayed happy with the remaining time you have with each other on your way home. And when it’s finally time to part again, he thanked you for a wonderful day which made you incredibly shy as what happened earlier flashes in your mind.

As you settle in your bathroom, sitting on the tub filled with warm water, you can still hear Hendery’s sweet whispers and miss his touch terribly. Smiling through the idea of a gentleman such as Hendery touched you for the first time, and it was quite an experience. But still, you love him as a friend and that will never change because you will not let your mother win and use Hendery’s name to up the status of your family.

He offered you an escape, and that’s what you’re accepting. No more, no less.

February 23

Dearest Y/n,

I am lying to myself if I don’t admit that I miss your lips on mine. How I miss seeing your parted lips, touch the softness of your breast, and the wetness of your sex. I’ve been thinking about you every night since we parted ways after that eventful evening we shared.

But the purpose of this letter is to invite you to my uncle’s ball this evening and accompany me, be my guest and let’s enjoy the night.

Prince Hendery

Knowing that the prince misses you and your lips, is something that can surely make you smile while writing back to him and accept his invitation. Sealing the letter with the slightest of love but flowery words that will surely make him smile too.

This action can be accepted as playing with fire but no one reads your letters aside from the prince himself so you know that whatever you say to him will always be safe.

But right after you sent the letter, you regret writing those filthy words on paper and realized that you are sending it to your best friend.

February 23

Dear Hendery,

The invitation is accepted and I will be delighted to accompany you. But before I close this letter, I want you to know the truth about my impure thoughts.

I think of you at night whenever I touch myself. Imagine that your fingers are the ones inside me and not mine, I spread my legs so wide under the sheets, eyes closed while I try to remember how you please me.

When can we meet privately again? I hope it happens again soon.

Lady Y/n

As expected, while reading the letter that you wrote back privately, the prince’s cock got hard that he had to take care of it at once. So in his quiet room where the doors are locked, he sat on the edge of his bed and pull out his cock from his trousers. Stroking it slowly as he imagines you again, teasing himself so he wouldn’t release so soon.

Holding the letter in his left hand and reading the second phrase over and over again, trying so hard to picture you in his thoughts with your nightgown lifted all the way up until your sex is exposed and you touching yourself. Closing his eyes so tight while he strokes his cock faster than before as he pictures you gripping the sheets so hard and very much near to your orgasm.

Until finally he shoots his cum and lets it drip on his sheets, moaning and grunting deliciously as he enjoys the warm feeling while catching his breath. Wondering how can he control his lustful feelings towards you and turn it to love.  

When the most awaited time has arrived and Hendery’s carriage is waiting outside your house, you didn’t quite expect to feel nervous as this never happened to you before. He was quiet and smiling handsomely when you sat in front of him, waiting for his carriage to move before he does as well.

“You look beautiful as always,” he sat beside you and completely startled you with his actions. A kiss on your gloved hand, and a kiss on your lips.

During the ball, Hendery was busy gracing the place with his presence on behalf of his mother so the two of you did not have much time to talk and dance, although he promised to dance with you once for tonight and that is perfectly fine for you understand his duties.

So while you’re drinking a glass of white wine on the corner, you can’t help but think and foresee the future that you can have with Hendery if you let your mother succeed.

A comfortable life, the wife of the future king, a loving husband, of course, he will give you children, but he will always be away to take care of the country’s current affairs because he is the crowned prince. And you well know that you don’t want a life like that. You want a life where a husband goes home to you every night and makes love to you until you're exhausted and tired.

“I’m sorry” Hendery whispered from behind which startled you. “Are you ready to dance?” you gave him your hand and guide you towards the middle. Careful to put his hand on your waist, trying so hard not to pull you towards him and plant many kisses on your neck.

“I read your letter” he started and completely clueless about your regret about it. You gave him a shy smile and looked away.

“So?” he started again, hoping to hear a response from you this time.

“So what my prince?”  

“Do you still want my fingers inside you?” He teases, whispering beside your ear and smiling as if he’s not making you shy in the middle of the dance floor.

“I beg you-“

“Oh, she begs” He interrupted you and teased you further. But that’s not all, you feel his hand roam on your lower back, bravely did it still despite being guarded with many judging and watchful eyes. Slowly your patience with your friend is wearing thin and so you stared at him long and hard and thankfully he understood what your eyes were saying and stopped teasing you.

“Thank you for shutting up and remembering that you’re a prince,” you clear your throat and continue what you were saying earlier, “your fingers do felt rather nice inside me and... I wish what happened the other night would happen again. But Hendery I beg you, do not tease me like this because someone might hear you. At least talk softly,”

The prince let out a small laugh, so small that only you can hear it while he continues to dance with you and fool everyone for pretending that you’re having an innocent conversation.

“After what happened I can’t seem to forget how you purred beside my ear that night” he stared at you, holding your lower back to assist you more on the dance. “Your tight grips on my shoulders still ghosts my skin, how you say my name as if I am not a prince. But it came out from your mouth in a very sinful way because I am pleasuring you”

“I made those sounds, those sounds that you oh so loved because you knew what you’re doing in between my legs... Hendery” you said it as quietly as possible and smiled so innocently at your prince, feeling every turn and every step became closer than required. Bodies becoming warm in less than a minute that you even felt his skin became instantly hot.

“If you loved how I sound that night, well, I love how you pushed me behind that tree your grace... because I felt your manhood poke my thigh. And my my,” you shook your head from left to right and giggle beside his ear, then decided to stop teasing him and making him hornier than ever when you heard him clear his throat and see the blush on his face.

“The next time we are to be alone again, I want your lips to never leave mine, your body never be covered by layers and layers of silk, and always keep your body close to mine because next time, my fingers won’t be the only one going inside you”

The promise of a very sinful and lustful next time instantly made you feel hot and you feel like your dress is about to pop and your corset will give up in no time. But even though it sounded like it was all about lust, the promise of seeing each other alone again because he loves your presence made your heart swell with happiness and smile from ear to ear as he sways you slowly under a fading string quartet music from the background.

“I never want the song to end, I beg you, not as your prince but as Hendery, keep close to me. Please”

You didn’t want to ruin the moment and feel every note of that beautiful song come to an end. This time you’re no longer fooling anyone, you are simply showing that you adore each other in the middle of the dance floor with a sea of young people.

“Tell me, what else do you love your grace?” You asked him just before you part from the dance and bow.

“You. I love you”

Usually, when someone confesses their love to someone, positive reactions are expected from both persons. And when Hendery said it out of nowhere he wanted to take it back in an instant because it is not sincere and it is not true. Yet.

“Take it back, you don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t love me” it was so hard to breathe at the moment. But you say it over and over again, very close to being mad but you can't make a scene “Please Hendery, take it back it’s not true and what you’re feeling is lust not love” you said sternly completely offending the prince with the truth.

“Alright, alright I take it back. I’m sorry, I’ll get you a glass of water. Come”

And so, the lovely night has ended earlier than expected. Hendery brought you home safely without a promise of seeing each other soon again.

Everything changed and it’s all because of lust.

March 2

To my dearest prince Hendery,

It’s been many days since the last time that we saw each other. Are you mad at me?  

Word is spreading that you’re leaving the country for several weeks to attend an important meeting representing your mother. Is it true? Were you planning to tell me?

Please write back and meet me soon. I miss you.

Lady Y/n

After reading your letter and keeping it safe in his drawer, prince Hendery admitted to himself first that he misses you too, and that no he’s not mad at you. He’s just humiliated and he’s not yet ready to show his face.

It’s his mistake in the first place. He promised to offer you an escape, no more no less. “Unbelievable Hendery,” he murmurs to himself.

After a few days of self-pity and gathering his courage to face you again, he finally gave in to your request and meet you. He apologized while you two walk around town with his guards on the side, ate lunch at his favorite restaurant, and chat until your hearts are happy. Everything felt normal again, you can hear people starting to gossip about you and Hendery so you figured all is well between you and him.

“Tomorrow is my last night here, please accompany me. My mother insisted to host a ball, I told her no need but she still made preparations” he scoffed and finished the tea he’s drinking.

You didn’t want to ruin the mood and ruin the peace between you two but you have to tell him the truth, “Xiaojun- uh, asked me to accompany him and I accepted his offer,”

“Well, you could have said no. Didn’t you thought of me?” his voice was suddenly higher and stern. He wanted to shout at you but you don’t deserve that, you’re very much important to him so he won’t do that.

“I’m sorry my prince” you murmured and lowered your head.

“Don’t lower yourself for me. I think so highly of you, please” he reached for your hand kissed your knuckles, “It’s alright. My cousin is good company” he says, comforting you further.

When you and Hendery parted ways and while the prince is on his way home, he finally admitted to himself that he is jealous. Jealous because he knew you and his cousin Xiaojun used to like each other, and now he’s clueless if you still like each other.

He can’t eat properly and kept thinking if he should steal you from his cousin. He can’t sleep despite being so tired physically and kept thinking about how he’s not spending his last night here with you.

And when his last night in town comes, during the ball, Hendery is forcing himself to smile and greet his guests. Trying so hard not to look at you and his cousin Xiaojun for he doesn’t know if he can control himself from being jealous.

“Unaccompanied, huh?” Ten teases Hendery and looked around the place for you. Only to find out that you came with his cousin, “Ah... I see” Ten smirks and continues drinking his wine.

“I’m jealous so go ruin someone else's night-“

“No my friend, I’m here to rescue you,” he whispers and called someone from afar. “Prince Hendery I want you to meet my cousin Lady Lisa,” the beautiful lady bowed to the prince to give respect, complimented the prince, and soon earned his attention and invited her to dance.

Of course, a royal attraction such as Hendery with a different woman in the dance floor can awaken the gossipers in an instant. But it's not the gossipers that irritate you the most. It’s her giggles, Hendery’s hold on her waist, his beautiful smile when he talks to her-

“Are you alright dearest?” Xiaojun whispers, completely bringing you back to reality. You breathed in deeply and exhaled sharply before drinking your wine in one go.

“Excuse me for a moment, I need air and privacy” you request from the gentleman in front of you. Nodding with a lot of questions in his mind, Xiaojun did not even dare to stop you.

And away you go to the palace gardens to breathe and let out your jealousy. Breathing deeply over and over again, wishing to be separated from the corset that’s suffocating you. Until you finally calmed down and had the need to admire the stars in the sky and listen to the distant chatters from the ball.

“Did my cousin offended you? Violated you perhaps? Are you hurt?”

Hendery came out looking for you immediately when he did not see you by his cousin’s side. He knew that this is the only place you will go to breathe because this is where he first met you.

“No no, I’m fine. Your cousin is a gentleman like you, I just needed some fresh air. Go back to your guests” you shoo him away and suddenly you feel suffocated again.

“I care only about one guest. And she’s standing in front of me right now” Hendery says boldly, walking towards you and pulled you close by the waist and kissed you. Motioning you deeper into the gardens to hide while you share a heated kiss that’s saying, ‘we belong to each other’.

Soon the heated kiss becomes rougher while the prince’s hands roam freely around your body, undoing your dress, trying to free you from this tight corset, and said, “Make love to me tonight”

There was no sign of authority in what he said, you’re sure that it’s not a command from your prince, his voice was serious but full of love and passion. And that’s why you agreed, nod your head and kiss him again, and felt his charming smile in between the kiss.

Not even a single soul from the guests knew that he sneaked you to his bedroom again, dismissed the guards before shutting the door close and locking it.

The room was dark and cold and only the moonlight and the lights from the outside illuminates his room. But when his lips touched your skin again, suddenly it became hot and you feel weak while Hendery is the opposite because you noticed he’s full of energy and burning passion.

“Lie in bed,” he says sweetly but his actions say otherwise for he pushed you, hovers you, and continue removing your clothes. X by X he loosens your corset until you’re finally free and you’re all exposed in front of him. “Better?” He asks and you nod shyly.

When he proceeds to remove his clothes next, it is as if your shyness faded when you saw Hendery’s body in the dark but everything seems clear to you even with minimal light. “Can I spread your legs?” he asks, caressing your knee while he lies beside you and waiting for your consent.

Slowly and gently, he parted your legs and hovers you again, hands exploring around your body without barriers of cloth, kneading your breast while kissing your neck as you listen to him breathe and moan. And when his hands continue to explore your inner thighs, a sharp gasp escaped from your mouth and you spread your legs wider. This time, it’s your turn to feel his naked body and explore it with your hands. Feeling every muscle tighten whenever he makes you moan accidentally.

Then he stopped. Came closer to you until you’re bodies to bodies and his forehead rests on your temple.

You know exactly what’s going to happen next. You knew that it will hurt, and it did but you asked for more, begged rather. You see his handsome face contort when he finally pushed inside you, loving your tight walls, moaning like a mad man. He lifts both of your hand at the top of your head and witness him look at you with eyes full of lust that watches your breasts bounce up and down for every thrust he gives you.

For someone who’s inexperienced like your prince, he surely knew what he was doing. Folding your legs and pushing them closer to your chest so he could thrust deeper. Even he surprises himself.

With quick thrusts, filthy words here and there, and deeper kisses you finally reached your euphoria and moaned his name again. Something he oh so loved hearing and that made him lose his mind and let go. Pulled out immediately and shoots his cum on the sheet, while grunting and moaning so loud that you didn’t even know he’s capable of making such sounds.

When he’s finally calm and has enough energy to move, he gathered the ruined sheets, threw them on the floor, and covered you with the thicker ones. “What happened was special, don’t you think?” He asks and joined you under the thick sheets and kept you close to his still exposed body.

“Special indeed,” you said and reached for his lips to plant a soft kiss.

Now you know that you do have feelings for him.

“I want you to take this, as a promise that I will soon be home” you watch him remove his silver necklace and transfer it around your neck, leaving sweet kisses on your shoulders before pulls away. He promised to come home soon so he can replace the necklace with something even more expensive when he gets back. “Oh I wish to see you more like this wearing nothing but my necklace”

“Then don’t go. Stay here, the world will not go into war if you chose to stay” He smiles so sweetly at you, happy that you’re on the same page.

“Just for a couple of weeks, my love” he says and kissed your hand many times.

“So we're in love, huh?” You tease him.

He scoffed and looked deeply into your eyes, “I think we started being in love on the night first met. We were too young to think about love but I know we loved each other for years now”

And just like that, after years and years of going against your mother, you’re finally defeated because what Hendery said is true.

On the next morning, you and your prince spend the whole morning making love quietly and making sure that your time left with each other is not wasted. Exploring each other’s bodies further and diving headfirst to lust.

“Please “ you giggle quietly, covering your mouth as you moan with every flick of his tongue on your clit. You both came several times now and you feel so weak already in the middle of the morning. “You need to prepare,” you reminded him before he starts again and asks for one last. Finally, you feel him spread kisses on your body all the way up until his head appears from the thick sheets.

When the time of parting has finally come, he put you on a carriage first before he leaves. “You’re going to be a great king” and he wishes for you to be beside him always and forever. “Safe travels, my love. Write to me every day” you whisper to him and kiss him before you go inside the carriage.

“Expect love letters from now on. I’ll be home soon, think of me always” he says and kissed you goodbye.

The promise of receiving love letters from Hendery every day was kept. You read them in the morning when you wake up and at night before you sleep. Smiling like a fool and giggling alone as you remember his sweet words and miss him even more.

This has been yet your happiest time with Hendery. Although you’re not together physically, but through the continuous exchanges of love letters, your hearts felt closer than before. And you find it amazing because being oceans apart from each other should be hard and heartbreaking but no, your words and his words give comfort to your hearts.

March 10

To my love who’s oceans apart from me,

My heart longs for you and I miss your presence.

The country is treating me well with their good hospitality and pays high respect to my mother the queen. It feels like I’m on vacation rather than an important royal matter.

It’s morning here and I’m sitting by the beautiful garden with beautiful flowers as I write this letter and think of you. Now that it’s clear that we are deeply in love, I realized that I am in love with my best friend and the mere thought of it makes me blush and makes me smile naturally.

I think of you every second my love, imagining you reading a book in front of me or sleeping right beside me in my huge bed. I want to wake up and see your smile first thing in the morning or feel your warmth for as long as I want. But let us not worry for time will pass by so fast and we will be together again.

When I get back, we should have more picnics, share longer kisses, make love every night. Let us never let go of each other.

I love you.

Hendery

March 15

To my loving prince,

My heart aches for you too but your words give great comfort to my heart. This distance between us is nothing compared to our patience.

I am more than glad that the country is treating you well. Tell me everything you do there, I miss your stories. You’re going to be a great king and I wish you won’t forget to take care of yourself there. Eat plenty and rest when needed. My heart won’t take it if you get sick or become tired.

As promised, I always think of you too. My head is so full of you that you visit me in my dreams more often than usual. And I too my prince, want to see your charming smile in the morning and even at night.

Stretch your patience more my love. When you get back, I will never leave your side. But for now, I am happily and patiently waiting for your return.  

I love you.

From the woman you love who’s oceans apart from you.

And for days and days of being apart, you and Hendery exchanged love letters and make each other smile through the paper. You tell him stories and gossips from home and he tells you stories and gossips from the country he’s staying.

“My prince, I brought bad news” The voice of his royal guard disturbed his peace while reading one of your letters. “How dare you ruin my peace, what now?” he says, still smiling from the letter he’s reading.

“Your stay here is extended, my prince” the royal guard informed him and did not dare to look his prince in the eye for he knew it will make him angry. “Your presence is requested at a royal gathering that your mother can’t attend to” he added.

And right then and there, Hendery thought about you and wanted to tell you the news immediately. He wrote as fast as he could and told his guard to send the letter immediately for Hendery was scared and disappointed with himself to give you false hope.

April 30

My dearest prince whom I love,

I waited for your arrival but you did not come. For days I was worried and could not eat or sleep well and all I did was think of you. Pray that you’re safe and wait patiently for you.

But now that I have received your letter I can finally stop worrying and stop imagining unpleasant scenarios. How are you?

I miss you terribly.

Y/n

May 20

My love,

Thank you for understanding further.

My purpose and responsibility here are becoming more tiring each day that passes but the promise of seeing you once I’m done here is the only thought that gives me energy.

Unpleasant scenarios? Imagine only me showering you with love, imagine us strolling across town and shock the gossipers and silence them once and for all when we finally announce our relationship.

Think only happy thoughts, my love, I will be with you soon.

I love you.

Hendery.

And that is the last letter you received from him for the month of May.

Hendery was told that someone is plotting to assassinate him and for his own safety, he has to leave the country secretly and go to a country where no one knew he is there. Even you.

For your own safety, Prince Hendery stopped writing you letters for the assassins can and might track you because of him. He will not forgive himself if you are to be tracked and hurt by an assassin because of a love letter.

Little did you know that he did not send his last letter on the 20th of May, and a very heartfelt love letter is on its way to you.

“A normal mail? For me? Not from the royal mail?” the mailman nods and hands you the letter.

“Put it on the basket together with the normal mails dear,” your mother said. Oh this house completely has no care about any other letter unless it’s sealed by the royals.

As weeks and months pass by quickly, you continue to wait for a letter from Hendery, and continue to wait for his arrival. But sadness had you by the neck that whenever you think about Hendery your heart will suddenly hurt and tears will automatically fall from your eyes.

Waiting is a long suffering and you understand that well before you decided to love Hendery. You knew what you signed up for… but you did not expect that it will hurt like hell while waiting for someone. It’s like waiting for a ghost to come back, you feel hopeless.

But even though you’re hurting so much, you grew more desperate to hear anything from him that you asked for his cousin Xiaojun’s help. Still, your efforts are wasted. And you’re reminded why you didn’t want to pursue your love with Hendery in the first place. “The pain that I’m feeling right now will double once he is crowned king, I’m sure of it. Is it wrong for me to ask for the man that I love? Why am I being punished?” you cry your heart out in Xiaojun’s arms, keeping you safe while he listens to what pains you and try so hard to provide comfort.

But just as you thought that you couldn't be any sadder, you are wrong. Now that everyone is expecting you to marry soon to save your family and fix the financial problem, sadder days continue to happen in your life.

“Stop your nonsense now young lady, you will marry prince Xiaojun and live with him in a new country. Stop humiliating your family and stop waiting for the crowned prince to come back. He may be all wedded and bedded by this time while you, you’re becoming even more miserable”

And that is the reason why you agreed to marry prince Xiaojun.

YEARS LATER

One night at the queen’s ball, you found yourself alone and looking at the stars again on the exact place you and Hendery first met. Breathing in, breathing out, and closing your eyes as you clear your mind and think about Hendery.

“What are you thinking about?”

You hear someone ask you from behind, you’re not sure who he is because your eyes are still closed but it can only be Xiaojun because he’s the one who knew where to find you.

But perhaps no. There’s another man who always knew where to find you even without telling him.

“Open your eyes my love, I’m home”

You turned around in an instant, looked at his face, and suddenly tears started to fall from your eyes, you can’t move and all you can do is cry. You have so many questions to him, so many sincere words left unsaid, but all you said right now is, “are you real? Or my mind is betraying me once again?”

“I am very much real,” Hendery says and gave you a tight hug, lifting you off the ground and kissing you as many as he pleases to make up for last time.

“I don’t understand, why did you leave me like that?”

“Didn’t you receive my letter?” he asks, wondering why are you so clueless when he is completely sure he told you everything. “Maybe it never reached you, I’m sorry. But now I’m back, come now let’s announce our love to my mother and ask for her blessing so we could marry soon” he was very excited but you are not.

How can you be excited? You’re already married.

Is it possible for a person to leave you and come back many years later then suddenly asked he wants to marry you as if you did not suffer greatly from waiting and being sad for months?

You remove your hand from his tight grasp and saw the ring. Now, everything is clear to him but he is very angry.

“Please don’t be mad-“ you begged.

“How could you- If only that letter reached to you, then you will know why I’m very mad right now!” He shouted at you, face turning red, eyes with tears on the side. “We were separated for years, give me a chance. Please come back to me. You told me you love me”

“And you told me you will come home! But they were only words, Hendery. And I do love you, still love you but I have a duty for my family and you have a duty for your country” He refuses to listen but you knew he needed to know the truth from you, “Please understand that you were gone for years, and I was arranged to be married to Xiaojun. I said no to Xiaojun for as long as I could, hurting him over and over again because I was waiting for you like a fool. Love someone with a strong heart, whose love is unconditional. Not like me. I can't turn my back on Xiaojun just because you're back”

"But you turned your back on me, just because I was away"

"I waited!" you shouted frustratingly back at him.

“Are you happy with him? Do you love him?”

Slowly you walked towards him to dry his tears with your hand and he’s quick to catch it kiss it before he finally lets you go.

“I am happy and no, I don’t love him but he loves me”

He nods his head slowly. Heartbroken and afraid to let go but what can he do now?

“Before I let you go, I want to let you know that... I asked you to marry me too. The man you love still asked you to marry him” he hugged you once again so you won’t see him cry because he doesn’t want you to remember him like this. “Why must our love should end tragically? I am not close to being happy but it’s good to know that you are”

He dries his tears and tried to stop crying for a moment so he can say his goodbye properly. “Go back to my cousin he must be waiting for you now. I will stay here, I will be fine. Go, it’s getting cold”

When you gave him what he asked you to do, he turned around and did not watch you leave for he doesn’t want to see you walking away from him.

Love is sacrifice and he understands that all too well now.

May 27

Dear Y/n,

This letter will reach to weeks or maybe months after I send it through a normal mail. I am being hunted down in this country that I’m staying and I have to hide and leave secretly with my guards for my own protection.

The assassins can track me through the royal mail and can use you as bait to find me. I will never forgive myself if that is to happen. I know you understand my situation right now because that’s how much you love me, let’s extend our patience together and meet when it’s safe. I am sorry my love but this is the only way.

But enough about the bad news. Last night I had the most beautiful dream because you’re in it and we are living peacefully in a country away from my responsibilities. The dream was short but it made me imagine a life with you and gave me the courage to ask your hand in marriage.

Will you marry me, when I get home?

I promise to be a good and loving husband while being a king and fulfilling my duties. I promise to never be away when you need me for I know that family is very important to you.

In the morning when you wake up and until you close your eyes to rest at night, I am going to be your husband and not your king.

I love you. Wait for me to get home safe and you will be loved by the man you love.

Hendery

[cruelfeline]

I'm both a Hordak and Catra stan but Can you really blame the "pro" Catra-stans ? Their favorite gets suffocated twice on screen,right when she was showing signs of change by opening up to Scorpia, she has lived with severe anxiety thinking Hordak would demote her, dispose of her any second if she failed And lo and behold it did really come true too. She got stripped of her rank, became suicidal, indifferent to danger., She leaves the wastes because despite being punished by Hordak she still wants to prove herself to him and get that bit of validation to realize her own self-worth(she gets also triggered by Shadow weaver but that comes only after interrogating Adora) .In season 4 after she feels cornered again she "dethrones" him but temporarily she then soon reverts to her old habits by wanting validation from Hordak like he desperately wanted prime's, she was content with being equals, partners in crime with Hordak rather than overthrowing him for real and such as when she asks him permission to "give the command", she goes from becoming a SW to a Hordak closing herself off from everyone, yelling "Get out" While Hordak too is undeniably abused. The narrative follows Catra more we see more of her suffering. So I really get why they're so biased but it's sad too because Hordak and Catra have many similarities with eachother.

Sorry English isn't my native tongue I hope I was a little intelligible.

Ah, no worries; your English is far better than however I would fare in your native tongue c:

On your points regarding Catra stans... well... I mean, certainly people have the right to feel the way they feel. It’s not like we can really control our feelings towards these characters; they just happen (case in point: me and this embarrassing Hordak stint I’ve been on for over a year). However... I can’t say that much of what you say regarding Catra holds true for me personally. And for that reason, I just don’t find much in common with the really hardcore Catra stans.

To me, a lot of it has to do with choices. Catra is at her most sympathetic to me in the very earliest seasons, where things are truly out of her control. Adora leaves. Shadow Weaver is still in power and treats her abominably. At this time, I really do feel for her. As the show goes on, however, I find that my ability to really connect with her just sort of dwindles. Especially when Hordak is right there and not presenting any of the problems Catra does.

Like... so, you mention that she lives with severe anxiety thinking that Hordak will demote her for failing, and that this comes true. Well... that’s not really the case, is it? Hordak doesn’t demote her for failing. He’s demanding, yes, but he’s not unreasonable. Rather, Hordak demotes her because she lies to him. And that is a choice she makes. She chooses to prioritize Shadow Weaver over what is essentially her job, and she does so in a way that presents a significant danger to both Hordak and the Horde itself - a danger that truly does become realized when Shadow Weaver helps the Princesses infiltrate the Fright Zone. This situation doesn’t make me feel sympathy for Catra. Rather, it makes me feel exasperated because she was given a legitimate chance by Hordak, and she squandered it. 

When she leaves the Waste, it’s not because she wants to prove herself to Hordak. Rather, she makes it very clear that she is disdainful of him and doesn’t much care for his opinion at all (calls him a shut-in, remarks that he doesn’t know anything about the outside world). The reason she leaves is because she learns that Shadow Weaver is with Adora, a bit of knowledge that, to her, means that Adora is “winning.” She leaves because her self-worth is essentially based on Adora herself. Catra feels the need to beat her, no matter what the cost. A concept that is really driven home at the end of season three where she just about says as much, declaring that she’d rather see the world end then let Adora win. Which... I mean, I get that she’s coming from a sad place, but there’s a line crossed there, and it’s a significant downer for me.

Moving on to season four, I wouldn’t say that she feels “cornered.” At the start of season four, Hordak is absolutely not a danger to her. He doesn’t want anything to do with her. He doesn’t want anything to do with anything. He’s... well, to my eyes, he’s depressed. He’s deeply hurt over Entrapta’s supposed betrayal, and he just wants to be alone. He wants to build up his defenses and protect himself from being hurt again. Because of these desires, he essentially stalls the war, and this is why Catra dethrones him. Not because she wants validation, or because he’s dangerous to her. Certainly not because he “corners” her. I mean... she enters his sanctum uninvited. She makes that move. Not him.

She legitimately dethrones him because he’s not warmongering fast enough for her. She wants to continue the war so she can stick it to Adora, and Hordak is too melancholy for her tastes. So she attacks him and removes his life support and basically bullies a disabled man so she can get back to heckling Adora.

I just... don’t really enjoy that? There’s nothing in it that I find sympathetic. Honestly, I just find it uncomfortable to watch.

I find it uncomfortable because in all of these instances, Catra has agency. She has power. She has the ability to make a good decision and just... kind of doesn’t. Over and over again. In numerous different, varied circumstances. Despite receiving support and love from Scorpia. And the ultimate reason she makes these bad decisions is because she wants to hurt Adora (whom she supposedly loves more than anything, so...? Yikes?). In the end, she really does abandon seeking any authority’s approval and makes it her mission to ensure that she wins while Adora loses. Her focus narrows to that point, and I’m just not super into it.

Hordak, on the other hand, never gets this sort of... vindictive cruelty streak to him. He remains focused inward. To his detriment, the poor dear.

The narrative may try to paint Catra as sympathetic, and it works to an extent, but for me, it ends up becoming less compelling to watch as she gains power and continues to do the worst things imaginable. Whereas Hordak, upon getting like... his first offer for friendship, immediately begins to change and reevaluate his priorities. Only to be stopped by... well, by Catra making a stupid, awful decision and ruining it for him.

I also am of the sort that finds the abuse that Hordak goes through to be far more horrific than what Catra goes through. That’s not to say that what happens to her isn’t terrible; it is. But... to me, it’s like comparing the Etherian Horde to the Galactic Horde. Yes, both are bad. But the Galactic Horde has... I don’t know... there’s something absolutely sick about it that just makes it worse for me. Some sort of existential wrongness. The same thing carries over to Hordak’s story. While Catra’s, like the Etherian Horde, is terrible, it just doesn’t reach the same level of visceral horror for me.

So, anon, while I respect Catra stans enjoying their fave, I can’t really say I can relate all that much anymore. Honestly, at this point, I just find her sort of frustrating. Especially given how her redemption arc pushes all of the other characters to the sidelines of the narrative and still fails to address major events (like Angella’s death, for example). 

Hordak’s character doesn’t suffer from these frustrations. So, in the end, I’m afraid I’m going to have to continue to prefer him. But that’s fine, I think; to each their own! 

I’m glad you can enjoy both to their fullest c:

[donttouchmeimwriting]

Argo ch. 4

Friday the 13th - Friendship/Romance - Jason Voorhees/OC M/M ship

3326 words, 3rd person POV

Took a little bit of a breather so I don't burn out because this one is big! I'm going to have some mature content in future chapters btw so the rating will bump to 18+ for those. I will mark the chapters with that content appropriately so minors please do not interact with them!

Cross-posting on FFN under PyroTheWereCat

...

Some weeks passed and Jason and Lijah had gotten quite comfortable with their new routine. Jason had started to come by early every evening and leave before midnight every night, though Lijah still occasionally fell asleep while he was still there. Jason didn't mind these times. He took them as opportunities to watch Lijah without question or making him feel self conscious, as Jason rather liked the way Lijah looked and never grew tired of seeing his face. He still had sporadic thoughts of inappropriate things, but those showed up more now when he was alone and only thinking of Lijah.

The thoughts were troubling nonetheless, as Jason often found his mind wandering to daydreams of Lijah in the shower or how swallowed up by Jason's arms he would be if he held him. He even had thoughts of kissing Lijah, wondering just how soft those lips would feel. The images were innocent enough, but Jason still worried that he was sliding down a slippery slope by having them at all. He could hear Mother's voice in the back of his mind explaining how this was only the beginning. It would start with innocent curiosity and then, before he knew it, he would be consumed by lust and never be able to return home. The most troubling part about it all was that there was a frighteningly big part of him that didn't want the thoughts to stop.

In the silent moments that Lijah was asleep while Jason sat with him, Jason's strongest desires were to touch him. He didn't feel that these yearnings were particularly wrong in that he was only really interested in touching Lijah's hair and face, but he resisted out of concern for the progression of these urges as well as not wanting to wake Lijah. Still, the allure of his soft looking woody brown locks and even softer looking freckled skin called to him, inspiring a great many of his fantasies.

There was also the worry that Lijah would start to hate him like everyone else did. He was terrified that the instant he removed his mask, Lijah would never want to see him again. He could feasibly tolerate his presence now, but if their relationship progressed into something else, then what? Could Lijah stand to be with the monster who murdered so many people? The freak with a face so repugnant it instilled a murderous intent in others? Jason couldn't stand to think of betraying Lijah, but he also wished to find some kind of happiness for himself.

In the beginning, if Lijah fell asleep next to him, Jason would leave soon after to let him rest, but as their friendship went on, he would stay for at least an hour to enjoy the peacefulness of the arrangement. He would sometimes read one of Lijah's books, though usually he would sit and enjoy the calm atmosphere of existing in a safe location with a trusted friend. It was through these quiet nights that he learned Lijah was a sleep talker, and a relatively clear one at that. It had startled him the first time it happened; Jason thought that Lijah had woken up. He quickly understood that they were mumblings of a blissfully unaware Lijah, and soon came to enjoy listening to the odd phrases he would come up with while dreaming. A request to place a bag of fruit on a shoe rack, a denial of cream cheese spaghetti, occasional laughter...it was all somewhat funny to Jason until he heard his own name.

Lijah called out to Jason quite a few times in his sleep, increasing in frequency as time went on. The scenarios were often mundane - asking Jason to move from the hallway or how he was doing. Jason paid close attention any time these dreams occurred, curious about what Lijah was seeing. One instance, however, caught his attention like none of the others had before.

Lijah was sleeping curled up on his side, facing the wall. Jason was reading the final chapter of one of the adventure novels and the scene was coming to a thrilling climax. He heard Lijah murmur his name and turned to see if he was awake, as was the norm. Lijah's eyes were closed and he drooled slightly on the pillow, answering that question instantly. Jason returned to his book, but kept his ears focused on any further commentary.

"Don't go," Lijah whispered, his voice tinged with unmistakable sadness, "...want you...stay with me, Jase...please..."

His full attention now on Lijah, Jason's pulse quickened. He wasn't sure what to do to alleviate the distress Lijah was having in his dream. Eyes searching for a solution, Jason found himself fixed on a section of hair that had fallen across Lijah's face, hanging over his eyes and nose. Clenching his jaw muscles and praying he did not wake him, Jason reached out to push the hair off Lijah's face. He hesitated before touching him, beginning to panic, but then Lijah sighed his name again, his eyebrows furrowed with whatever upsetting images he was forced to see. Jason took a deep breath to steady his hand, then gently brushed the hair back.

Lijah's hair was even softer than Jason had previously imagined, like a young deer's fur. He couldn't resist running his fingers through to the ends, watching them slide effortlessly as if he were passing his hand through tall grass. Lijah's expression instantaneously relaxed as Jason combed his fingers through his hair, and he tentatively repeated the action. He stroked Lijah's hair several times like this, slowly, tenderly, fascinated by its soothing effect on him. Soon, Lijah had slipped back into a deep sleep, looking more comfortable than before.

Jason, on the other hand, could not be more energized. His touch was good for something other than bringing pain and death. He could be gentle and comforting. He had been uncertain before, but this proved it. He was capable of changing after all, not just in his mind.

He could not remain in the room for long after, his energy much too high to sit still or move quietly enough to not wake Lijah, so he left earlier than he wanted to. He spent this wild energy in the woods that night, hunting and trapping small animals to add to his own campsite's food stores. He felt deliciously alive in a way he was not used to.

-------------------------------------------------

Jason didn't tell Lijah about the nightmare. He worried that it might unnerve him that he stayed in the room while he slept, and Jason's top priority at the moment was keeping Lijah's favor. He had never really had crushes before, having no one around other than Mother, and could now somewhat understand that intense desire to be around the other person and ignore the world. Before now, he wasn't even sure that men could be attracted to each other. It was never in the stories Mother told him, and he had never seen it in his few ventures to the camp. He thought it must be extremely special, given that it was not as prevalent, and wondered why he hadn't heard of it before. Perhaps it was only heterosexual couples who were sinful and needed to be bound by marriage to erase that sin? He determined he would look into it later if it became an important question.

The desire to touch Lijah's hair again became much stronger after doing it once, however, and Jason resisted the urge each time he saw him. He could feel Lijah getting suspicious though, and didn't want to hide his feelings for much longer. What would Lijah think if he told him he liked him? He had told Jason he wasn't interested in dating anyone, and Jason was almost certain Lijah was only interested in a friendship with him. He wanted to at least tell him he wanted to explore a more sensual relationship, holding hands and hugging, perhaps, but he wasn't sure how to express that without seeming creepy. While he had no idea how romantic relationships worked, Jason had only the slightest inkling of how friendships worked, and didn't want to ruin this one by saying something weird.

One rainy evening, Lijah returned to the cabin with more energy than usual, claiming it was a slow day with the kids due to the weather, and he got to relax for most of it. This led to him excitedly showing Jason one of his favorite movies on VHS, setting up the living room with popcorn, extra blankets, and soda (though Jason politely declined the beverage and requested a water instead). Mother never showed Jason movies like this at home; he wasn't even sure they owned a VCR. When he was younger, they did have a TV and he would watch the occasional broadcasted movie, but once it broke, they never replaced it. As a result, he never cared much about catching up with popular media. There were chores to complete and plenty to do outside, so he'd never needed the extra entertainment. Still, it was nice to see Lijah get so worked up by watching the story on the screen, and Jason found it interesting as well.

The pair moved back to the bedroom once the movie was over, Jason having helped Lijah clean up the living room first, and Jason quietly read as Lijah did his bedtime routine. Jason had noticed he was growing rather smelly lately, more so than usual. He never cared much about hygiene - the smell didn't tend to bother him - and bathed infrequently with little water from creeks. Being around Lijah, who smelled so pleasant all the time, however, Jason was picking up on his own scent a little more, and found it potentially offensive. He remembered Lijah offering the shower to him, and contemplated using it at least a couple times a week so as not to offend his nice smelling friend who was surely not saying anything to avoid hurting his feelings. When Lijah returned from the bathroom, Jason wrote,

"can i use it to?"

"Use what?" Lijah asked, still toweling his hair dry, "The shower? Yeah, absolutely! There's plenty of soap in there and an extra towel. If you want, while you're in there, I can sneak over to laundry to wash your clothes for you too."

There it was. Jason grimaced. He was slightly embarrassed by offending Lijah, but grateful that he was being so casual about it. He nodded and awkwardly shuffled around Lijah to get to the bathroom. He shut the door behind him and leaned against it, sighing deeply. He began undressing, becoming more uncomfortable feeling that his shirt stuck to his skin. How had he gone this long without noticing? He found the spare towel Lijah mentioned and wrapped it around his waist to cover himself before opening the door to pass his dirty clothes out to Lijah. Lijah took the pile, cheerful as always, and promised to be back soon. Jason was trying to avoid making eye contact, but he saw that Lijah's cheeks flushed when he was met with the sight of Jason in the towel. What could that have been about?

Enclosed in the bathroom once more, Jason dropped the towel next to his boots and removed his mask, placing it on the sink. This room was even smaller and more cramped than the other rooms in the cabin, leaving barely any space for his large frame to navigate. It was a simple setup of only the essentials: a toilet, a sink with a mirror over it, and a narrow shower stall. Jason stepped inside the stall and pulled the curtain behind him. The air still smelled of clean steam from Lijah's shower: a calming scent. Jason had some trouble figuring out the knobs, but managed to get the water running. The spray felt glorious on his skin, and he took a moment to bask in the warmth of the water. Certainly, this was a feeling he could live with a couple times a week.

Once he was done washing and rising the soap from his body, Jason turned the water off and stepped out, feeling almost brand new. He dried himself with the towel, but had not heard Lijah come back in yet. He put his mask back on and tentatively opened the door, keeping the towel tight on his waist. He peered out, but there was no sign of Lijah yet. The laundry room was probably in a different area of the camp, he considered, and it would take a little time for him to get back. Jason retrieved a book from the bedroom to occupy the time while he waited.

Lijah did return shortly after, bringing with him Jason's now clean clothes. He handed them off, blushing still, and left Jason to get dressed. What was getting him so flustered? Jason rejoined Lijah in the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed next to him.

"How do you feel?" Lijah asked, fidgeting with the ends of his hair.

Jason nodded and gave a thumbs up gesture, admittedly feeling much better now that he was completely clean (and smelling almost as good as Lijah).

"Good! I've gotta say, though, that's some tough material. I wasn't sure the washer could handle it."

He touched Jason's arm as he spoke, feeling the fabric of his jacket. Jason stiffened, caught off guard by Lijah's touch. Lijah immediately retracted his hand, his eyes worried.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, "Was that wrong?"

Jason thought a moment, but then felt the strong yearning he'd had before to touch Lijah and run his fingers through that soft hair again. He shook his head, but felt a sudden, unexplainable distress that shortened his breaths. He reached for Lijah, who did not flinch or move away, and wrapped his fingers around his slim upper arm. Lijah's skin was so soft, so compliant to his touch...Jason released a shuddering sigh at how nice it felt. Lijah touched his arm again, running his hand up to Jason's shoulder.

"Wow, you're super touch starved, aren't you?" he said, giving Jason's shoulder a squeeze. Jason had never heard of the expression, but it made sense to him. Wanting to feel Lijah ached like a hunger, and being touched by him satisfied that hunger. He nodded, rubbing Lijah's arm as gently as he could, but still pushing him slightly from sheer size difference.

"Can I hug you?" Lijah asked, "I think that'll help the most."

Jason nodded, a little too exuberantly, and Lijah pulled away from him to hop off the bed. He faced Jason, his expression unreadable, then climbed up onto Jason's lap, straddling his thighs, and pulled him into his arms. Jason gave a small grunt of surprise, but melted into Lijah's embrace, clutching him tightly. The feeling was indescribably soothing and overwhelming at the same time, sending tingles throughout his body. How was it that Lijah always knew what he needed?

It was undeniable at this point that Jason loved Lijah. He loved everything about him. He loved the feeling of Lijah's breath against his neck. He loved that he was so small and delicate compared to Jason, and he loved holding him close. His scent was all Jason could perceive outside of the embrace and the sound of rain tapping on the roof of the cabin, that light, clean scent he could never get enough of. This moment was perfection to Jason. The only thing that could make it even better was...no, he shouldn't wish for such indecent things, especially not when this felt so wonderful. He also knew that there was a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. He wasn't sure how to tell the difference, but assumed he would know if it happened. So far, he knew he loved Lijah, but didn't think he was in love with him (yet).

Lijah pulled back slightly to be able to look at Jason. His face was placid and reflected the happiness Jason felt.

"You've got some big, strong arms," he said, rubbing Jason's upper arms as he spoke, "I bet you're a fantastic cuddler."

Jason shrugged. He would not know, but from the way Lijah said it, he would like to find out.

"Gosh, you're cute," Lijah mumbled, "You don't even know how worked up you get me, do you? I'll give you a hint...I can't get that image of you in that towel out of my head and I don't want to."

He ghosted his fingertips over Jason's mask, his eyes lowered to where Jason's mouth would be under it.

"Is it all right if I take this off?" he whispered, "I would really like to kiss you right now."

The thought of kissing Lijah made Jason's heart flutter, but he did not want to frighten him with the face that earned him so much hatred as a child. There was also the matter of what his mother would think, with Lijah's bottom so dangerously close to his most private area, tempting him with physical pleasures. Would she be upset? Or would she not mind as much, given it would only be a kiss? At this point, it was not a question of whether or not Jason wanted it, but rather should he give in to what he wanted and disrespect his mother's wishes?

Pulse racing as he began to run out of time for an answer, Jason forced himself to make a decision. It would just be a kiss, right? There was no need to overthink. Definitely no need to read too far into what he said about the towel...He lifted his hands and slowly pushed the mask up to just under his nose. He could no longer see Lijah like this, but he didn't need to.

Lijah did not hesitate to close the space between them. He didn't kiss the way Jason had seen others before. This wasn't sloppy or aggressive...it was soft and warm and sent tingles throughout Jason's entire body...it felt nice. He slid his hands up Lijah's back as he dissolved into the kiss, an intense blush creeping into his cheeks. Lijah in turn pressed his hands to the sides of Jason's neck, holding him just as close. The slight movement of their lips together felt so incredible....Jason almost forgot that this was supposed to be wrong. He curled his fingers into Lijah's t-shirt and sighed softly as their lips parted. He didn't want this to end.

Lijah pulled back, Jason leaning forward as he went, not yet ready to stop. Lijah laughed, that beautiful, musical laugh that made Jason feel wonderfully weak, and playfully pushed his face away.

"Give me some air, big guy!" Lijah giggled, "Believe me, I want more too."

Jason pulled his mask back down so he could see his breathless partner. Lijah's face was flushed and he smiled serenely at Jason, resting his forearms on Jason's broad shoulders. Jason couldn't help but to smile himself. Was this how normal people felt all the time? Was this what it felt like to be attractive and wanted? But then again...Lijah felt this way about him as he was. He was attractive to him.

Jason thrust Lijah to his chest, hugging him tightly.

"Whoa!" Lijah cried out, startled by the sudden movement, "Easy there! You okay, Jase?"

Jason nodded into Lijah's shoulder, giving his body a brief squeeze. Lijah grunted softly and gave another short laugh.

"Remember how small I am," he said, returning the hug, "I don't mind getting a little manhandled but don't break me."

Jason couldn't fathom breaking Lijah. He wanted to keep him and protect him from the everything. The little kisses Lijah planted along Jason's neck were more valuable than any luxury he could imagine and touching their foreheads together fulfilled him more than any prior achievement he'd made. He was in bliss, and that bliss was named Lijah.

[sepublic]

King’s encouragement to Luz

           All right, but another thing I very much appreciate about Really Small Problems is… I think King is the first person to actively, openly tell Luz how much he likes her, and how much she means to him???

           I could be wrong. But throughout the show up until then, I don’t think we really ever have such a bold, blunt statement from anyone else; And obviously, actions speak a lot louder in words in their own way. Eda acts all cool and stand-offish, but clearly Luz means the world to her… And obviously Willow and Gus freaking LOVE Luz, even if they don’t say it outright!

           But I think King is the first person to tell Luz how much she means to him… To basically tell her that she means THE WORLD to him, that his relationship with her isn’t just some side-hobby or a lesser enjoyment; It’s legit one of the things that makes his entire world and existence! That he really WOULD give up a lot for her, that Luz actively takes priority in his life instead of being another friendship on the side!

           Keep in mind; Aside from Camila, who’s her own mother anyway… I think Luz never really got this sort of open affection from someone, prior to the Boiling Isles? She didn’t even have any real friends, and this kind of loneliness and rejection for being ‘weird’ definitely impacted her… It’s definitely led to Luz being someone who will do so much and everything for others, but never expecting the same back; Not JUST because she’s selfless and unconditional… But also because she doesn’t expect other people to like her, at least not that much! Subconsciously, without meaning to, I think Luz sees herself as a ‘second choice’ when it comes to friendship… That most people only hang out with her because they have no other option!

           (And THAT parallels how I low-key saw Eda viewing her relationship with Luz, up until the girl stuck around after learning of the curse, but I digress.)

           Luz doesn’t expect other people to hold her THAT high in regard, as having THAT much priority in their lives… Because no one else did. Even her own mother, who DID mean well, ultimately spoke with her actions when sending Luz to that Reality Camp; That she doesn’t unconditionally love Luz for who she is, that she holds the approval of society in higher regard and THAT means more to her… And while Camila never intended to say this and she’s obviously in an unenviable position, from Luz’s perspective this is still a devastating thing to go through.

           I think Luz low-key saw herself as someone who may have even burdened her mother with her presence; And even if Camila never felt that, Luz is still a child who’s reasonably insecure. Maybe Luz felt the need to be more ‘accommodating’ to others, in the hopes that she wouldn’t turn them away; That she can’t openly vouch for what SHE wants, because she can’t be greedy in life, she doesn’t actually mean THAT much to people, and them hanging around her is already showing a lot of grace as-is! Luz probably thought she should just be grateful to have companionship at all to begin with; Especially since it was such a rare commodity back home.

           So there’s this implicit idea and expectation of herself to do what others say, what others expect of you… Because they’re already sacrificing a lot just hanging around someone as annoying and inconvenient as you. Don’t ask for too much, just be a grateful, accommodating child/friend… Do what you can to make up for the kindness of people who go out of their way to hang out with someone like you, because clearly that’s a detriment and not something they actively do for their own enjoyment! And even if they DO do it for their enjoyment, Luz still isn’t that special to them…!

           And that might also tie into Luz’s obliviousness to Amity’s crush, as secretly, deep-down to an extent that not even SHE is aware of it… I think Luz sees herself as someone unlovable, as someone who has to justify people’s enjoyment of her, make herself ‘worth it’ to them! That others’ friendship to her is a pure gift, in the sense that they’re not getting much else from Luz herself, because obviously Luz doesn’t have a lot to offer that others don’t already do. She really undersells her own worth and how much she can mean to others… It leads to Luz wanting the best for others, but without really considering what SHE wants, or HER placement in their life, because it’s all about THEM as her childhood taught her! Some people are probably better off without her, without Luz actively hindering or dragging them down…

           That leads to Really Small Problems. King shrinks her friends, Willow and Gus? CLEARLY it means King is doing this out of spite because he actively dislikes them and/or is being selfish… Because Luz never considers that she really means this much to King, that she means SO much that King prioritizes his friendship with her over all others! Obviously, I’m not saying love should be ‘ranked’ or put into a hierarchy, with some friendships held over others…

           And, it’s low-key this mentality that leads to King even indulging in the accidental effects of Tibbles (sorry, Obvioso’s) potion. But the fact that he even values Luz this much, to do this sort of thing, to cut off any other possible relationship because he holds her in THAT high of a regard… It tells Luz that she’s someone whose presence is actively enjoyable, that being with her IS the gift that she keeps on giving! Luz doesn’t have to justify or make up for who she is, because being with Luz is what people actively desire; Moreso than a lot of other things, in fact!

           Not to mention, it’s a brilliant call-back to Sense and Insensitivity, another King-centric episode! In that episode, Luz tells King at the end that HE means a lot to her, that being with him is one of the best parts of her adventure in the Boiling Isles… But she never expects him to say the same to her, not because she thinks King is a bad person, but because she really doesn’t value what she has to give or offer, as someone who probably has messed up a lot and requires a lot of patience to be around? Luz likely sees herself as a draining friend, that after a short while someone has enough of her and then has to go off and do literally anything else… She doesn’t realize that she’s someone who gives enjoyment, that she isn’t just tolerated but loved! Luz learns from King in Really Small Problems that his specific relationship with her means something to special to him, that it’s not just replacable and interchangeable, and he’d actively sabotage his other potential friendships for it!

           And obviously, THAT last part is a bad thing; But King also acknowledges this as well, as part of his character development of course! Obviously King doing this because he truly loves and values Luz doesn’t excuse it… In the same way that Camila loving Luz, or Lilith loving Eda, doesn’t excuse what they did. But King at least makes the effort to be honest about his love, about where he DID go wrong, and then change it… And obviously it helps that the situation became life-threatening and thus pressured him to do this, a lot more quickly for him (within the span of a night) than for Lilith (who had decades before Belos threatened to execute her).

           But in the end, I should mention that King doesn’t just act like him doing this because he loves Luz that much automatically excuses it; From his perspective, that was never in question, it was about allowing Willow and Gus to be friends with Luz that needed to be acknowledge! But from Luz’s perspective… It better helps her understand WHY King did what he did, while also enhancing how meaningful it is for King to actively apologize and make up for his mistakes. Just knowing she means this much to him helps Luz realize that she IS worth loving, that she’s lovable… And that in turn makes her so much happier and confident as a person!

           That people would WANT to be with Luz… that they’d actively choose her over ‘better’ options, just as Luz and King chose to hang with Eda even after the curse, because even though that arguably made her dangerous and a liability… Eda just meant that much to them! Luz isn’t to King his ‘least painful’ option, she’s the one he loves and cares for most! King making it clear that Luz is one of the best things about his life, is a brilliant call-back and tie-in to Luz doing the same back in Sense and Insensitivity… Because now BOTH of them realize how much they mean to one another, and how much it says that they’re good, lovable people who have a lot to offer and don’t need to actively justify their existence or companionship with others! Just being with these two is already enough…

          Why else would Eda hang around, after all? King may have understood this, although I think Luz potentially had some doubts because she didn’t want to set herself up for disappointment… Eda always being rather closed-off and tsundere when it comes to showing affection possibly contributed, amidst her not being one for blatantly-open gestures of affection. But also, maybe Luz was low-key afraid that Eda was merely tolerating her… Because Eda had the power in the Owl House here. Luz and King chose Eda and that means a lot because they could’ve had ‘other options’, but it’s not like Eda has anyone else to choose from between Luz and King…

          Well besides Lilith, but Luz mostly knows that Eda’s dislike of the Coven System is keeping them from reuniting, like Lilith she doesn’t fully understand that there’s more to the divide than just that. Plus, Lilith actively rejected Eda’s lifestyle, so it’s not like she’s an ‘option’ for Eda… Eda bears with Luz and King, because who else does she have? And while King may or may not have such doubts, perhaps Luz was afraid that Eda’s love for her was also conditional… Hence why she felt like she ‘owed’ Eda and thus had to risk her life to get the Healing Hat, just to pay her back for all of the other gracious things she did! Because Luz didn’t realize that just being with the girl was already ‘payment’ enough for Eda.

           And THAT ties into another meta/analyses post I made, about how Eda made sure to remind Luz when they reunited in YBOS about how much the girl means to her, that Luz doesn’t owe her anything and that Eda’s decisions are her own, not necessarily as a begrudgingly-obligated reaction to Luz’s mistakes or whatever… Actions speak a lot louder than words, usually, as shown with how Eda clearly loved Luz even before she outright said it; But let’s be real here, words also certainly do a lot to help, especially to tie off the previous actions that people do for one another out of love! By the end of Season 1, Luz fully affirms her relationships with King and Eda respectively, and vice-versa; That they really mean THAT much to one another, and would give the world for each other…

          That each would sacrifice a lot, just for the sake of being with the other, or even seeing the other be happy with or without them; Which ties into how King was willing to risk his life to fix his mistakes in Really Small Problems, outright saying he was fine with losing Luz’s friendship (either by dying or through rejection), because at least Luz would be happy! And it’s this kind of selfless, unconditional love that they show for one another… Not just to enjoy the other, but to let the other enjoy themselves as their own individual, regardless of whether or not Luz/King/Eda is with them to benefit from their presence!

           It’s a beautiful kind of love… That not only is just being with YOU the end-goal and reward for me; But you mean so much to me, that I just want you to be happy, regardless of whether or not I’m there to enjoy you or not! I love you to an extent where it’s no longer about what you do to make me happy, it’s about just seeing you be happy… It’s about you, not me! And it means so muchto Luz, Eda, and King to hear this from one another. It does so much to affirm their confidence and self-esteem in themselves as people who are worth loving, as people who aren’t inherently screw-ups, and as people who can continue to make their own decisions and relationships on their own, as their own worthwhile individuals! It tells each of them that they’re perfectly valid in loving themselves…

           TL;DR Really Small Problems is actually a very underrated episode; As-is King and the surprising amount of depth and growth to his character! I would even argue that it’s the culmination of his growth in Season 1! Obviously Enchanting Grom Fright and King’s reconciliation with Gus helps to cap off this development as an addendum, while subsequent episodes have King as either a minor character, or in the case of the Season Finale, affirming the growth he’s had… Regardless, it’s an episode that actually means a lot for King, and like him it deserves a lot more appreciation as being more than just ‘enjoyable’, or cute and funny, but actually meaningful as well!

[bangtansfavwriter]

📚🌱book store owner! namjoon🌱📚

- you were still trying to find your way around town as you moved there like 3 weeks ago

-you spent most of your time furnishing your flat and getting groceries as you were snacking all the damn time

-the weather was also kinda bad so you didn't really mind

- on one morning you got up and it was surprisingly sunny outside

-so you thought "why not explore the city a bit?", got ready and went out

-after an hour or so that you've spent in a stationary shop, you noticed a cute book store that was right across the street

- you almost didn't notice there was a shop in there bc of all the plants and flowers hanging down the balcony above the shop

- that's why it felt like a huge discovery to you bc this was probably the cutest book store you'd ever seen, with a very handsome guy sitting at a table in the front of the shop, between some peonies and dahlias that were planted in raised beds

- the guy was fixing something which you recognized as a ukulele when you walked past him and quickly made your way into the book shop, when you heard him grumble and say something like "broke it again..."

-you shook your head when you walked in and forgot about the angry ukulele guy when you got the first look at the superbly organized and clean shop with freaking bonsai trees literally everywhere you'd look

- there were 2 kids at the comic section, some youngsters revising something at one of the tables inside the shop and an old man reading a book next to a tabletop fountain

- as you made your way through the store you noticed something else that made the store even better than you thought, because whoever owned this shop was a salty but funny book nerd

- the book sections were titled in a rather unusual way.. to say the least. one section, for example, was called: "books you probably hate when you start reading but when you get to the end you have an existential crisis because of how good it was"

-you walked to the next section, already curious to see what was next and were surprised to see pretty much the entire bibliography of kafka right there in the "love him or hate him, you ain't him" and chuckled, because you too didn't know anyone with a neutral opinion on Kafka, people either loved him or hated him for his work

-you, however, loved him and apparently so did the person who put this section together

-you full on started laughing when you saw the section "kinda overrated, but suit yourself" and saw "romeo and juliet" displayed at the very front

- "guessing from you laughter, I'd assume you probably agree with me" you heard someone say behind you

- you turned around and zoned out for a sec, as you mustered the gorgeous man in front of you who had the sweetest dimples you'd ever seen

- "you know... I'll get shy if you stare any longer" he said with his deep voice and a slight smirk on his lips

- you snapped back into reality after he said that and quickly tried saving yourself because you already felt your cheeks burning, and you didn't want him to notice that

- "oh sorry, I suppose I was just startled. you're very tall, you know? kinda intimidating with all that... height.."

- he smiled and nodded and you mentally slapped yourself for this statement of yours

- "you're right, by the way, about romeo and juliet. absolutely overrated story about dramatic teens." you said and put the book back "did you come up with these categories?"

- "yeah, maybe it's a tad bit too personalized, but it's my humble opinion about some 'classics' the general public is trying to shove down our throats" he said

- "like 'old man and the sea'" you said and started laughing when he shot you a look of bewilderment

- "don't you dare insult hemingway in this household" he said, but started laughing himself after he said that

- "that was by far one of the most boring books I have ever read in my entire life!!"

"but it depicts the long struggle of the old man who faces his struggles and realizes how they ultimately become his-"

"boooring! and hemingway got a nobel peace prize for literature? for that writing? you should make a new category in your store - 'got prizes but at what cost (hint: my patience)'"

-he broke into laughter and you physically had to refrain yourself from poking his dimples

- your felt your blood rush into your head again when he shot you a beaming smile and said "maybe I should make a new category. 'controversial opinions from a gorgeous stranger' - how does that sound?"

- you quickly changed the subject, because his smooth answer actually made you flustered - something almost no one ever succeeded in

- "are these all your bonsai trees?" you said and walked some steps away from him, secretly hoping he'd follow and continue the conversation you were too shy to make a flirt out of

-"yes, cost me a lot of money and almost a friendship, but these are my babies."

-"this friendship... there was a rather angry looking guy sitting in front of your shop. does it have to do anything with him?" - "did he have a ukulele?" - "...yes." - "yeah that's him. jin hyung is mad at me because he helped me carry that big boy there (- he points at the biggest tree next to the check-out) and I obviously couldn't see what was around me and I accidentally kicked his ukulele. apparently it's broken now, I don't know." - you could somehow understand the flower-boy's anger but the book store guy was cute so: "he shouldn't have left around a damn ukulele then?? i mean?? "

- you giggled as he blurted out "I KNOW, RIGHT?" while wildly gesticulating in excitement about the fact that a stranger agreed with him

- you both went silent after laughing together, the tension didn't go unnoticed by neither of you. you remembered what he said to you earlier and had to suppress your smile. these couple minutes you spent with this stranger made you smile more often than you probably did this month altogether and you were aware of the fact that this is obviously something very special. but you just moved here and had to get adjusted to your new life in this city, would it really be sensible to get a new guy this quick? hell, he probably isn't even single, right? with these looks AND that height plus these dimples that you highkey wanted to kiss?

- he interrupted your train of thought by just clearing his voice, which you were incredibly thankful for, as you got very tongue-tied that moment:

"I should probably get back to work..."

-that was definitely not what you wanted to hear and you clearly couldn't hide your disappointment, bc his eyes widened all of a sudden and he started fidgeting nervously.

- "I should go, too, then..."

-that was not what he wanted to hear either... he sighed deeply and looked around quickly before softly pushing you into an aisle ("yearning 101")

- your breath hitched, his breathing became rapid too, as there were mere millimeters parting your lips from each other.. he gently ran his hands up your arms and you felt goosebumps all over your body. the only time his eyes left yours that moment was when he looked at your lips, that were more than eager to meet his at that moment. just as he was about to lean into you - "KIM NAMJOON! You owe me a new ukulele, you airhead!" was heard across the entire shop, followed by the front door slamming shut

-both of you stared at each other in shock before breaking into loud laughter

- "Oh my god, way to ruin the mood!"

You rubbed your sides that started aching from laughing so much. "You should go after your friend, you know" you said and could tell, by the look on his, that this was certainly not his priority at the moment. He scooted closer to you again. "Tell me your name, gorgeous." - "Y/N..." - He repeated your name with a hushed voice, as if he wanted to keep it a secret from the world. The mere melody of name leaving his lips affected both of you in a way, that you knew you had to explore further. "Say, Y/N... Any chance you might come along again tomorrow?" - "Most definitely" you replied with a smirk on your lips. "Oh, that's a relief. That'll bring me through the day and dealing with hyung. Maybe I'll even build a new section until you come back." You chuckled and looked at him. "Surprise me then, Namjoon~" you teased. "Maybe something like 'books to read all night because you thought of someone cute'?" - "'Books I randomly put together after I saw the cutest smile on earth" may be an option, I don't know" - "Oh, you're getting bold! 'Books I should have sorted instead of blatantly flirting with a customer'. What are you intentions, hmm?" you retorted sarcastically and slowly made your way to the door. You laughed as you saw the slightly offended look on his face. "Books I need to convince a sweetheart that I'm nothing like Joe Golberg!" - "Books how to learn to let people go and then go apologise to people!" (You two were now shouting through the store, the customers were confused but smiled at you two)

"books I will never read today because I'll see you tomorrow!" he yelled last, before you waved at each other with a smile and you left the store.

- Namjoon was growing more and more impatient the next day, as he jumped everytime he heard the door open, but each time it was some customer and not you. He ultimately starting losing hope and felt a little stupid for actually staying up late and creating a whole new section in the shop, hoping to show it to you as soon as possible. The mere thought of seeing you again made his heart race, that's why it was even more disappointing for him when it was almost time for him to close the shop and there was still no trace of you. He heard the door again and sighed very, very deeply, as an old man walked into the store who was one of the few people Namjoon actually despised, because of his overly-specific wishes. And, of course, the fact that he never actually bought a book. As his life energy was once again being sucked out by the most pointless conversation ever, he thought of you again. He wondered if something happened that made you change your mind. Was he too cocky? Did you think of him as some player who just flirted with each customer he found attractive? He sighed again. "Young man, you don't sigh in front of customers! Were you not taught any manners!". Namjoon, with his best customer service smile, tried to convince the man that it was just him, being absent-minded and that he didn't mean to offend him (even though he'd have every right to do so). In-between all the hassle, he didn't even hear that the door opened once again. It wasn't until you called out for him, that he noticed you finally were in the shop, with him. He stared at you with a blank expression on his face when you rushed towards him and immediately apologised for taking so long, which was because of the moving company being earlier than expected. Namjoon just stared at you while you rambled on, as did the old man. You apologised over and over again and then excused yourself when you finally realized that you probably interrupted Namjoon while he was talking to a customer. "Y/N!" he called after you. You turned around and looked at him with a quizzical look. "There's a new section in the back... Maybe you should check it out." You two smiled at each other, neither of you wanting to break your gaze. "Young man... I think I'm gonna take this book here. You can never go wrong with the classics" the old man said and grabbed 'The old man and the sea'. Namjoon did his very best not to laugh in his face, only did he now have a smile on his face that he absolutely could not hide at that moment. Two victories in one day. This day could only get better.

Meanwhile, you went to the very back of the shop, curious about what would expect you in the new section. A book joke again? One of the things you were talking about yesterday? You lost your train of thought when you noticed a section, that you didn't pass by yesterday. "My loneliness is killing me", with books by Dickinson and Poe at the very front, followed by "I must confess, I still believe" with romance novels all across the table, decorated with peonies he was growing in front of the shop. "The new section is in the next aisle, love" you heard Namjoon say behind you. You hesitated a bit, kind of overwhelmed with how fast you could feel everything developing. Yet, everything felt so right. "Go right ahead, I'm right here", he said reassuringly, as if he sensed your hesitation. You nodded and smiled at him. The most beautiful table in the entire shop awaited you in the next aisle. Inbetween beautiful bouquets and absolutely dashing table decorations were Shakespeare's sonnets and other love poems that were among your personal favourites as well. You looked at the section title, written on a card that was put into one bouquet.

"Books that will help me ask you out"

💕

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

Young Love and an Episode of Friends (Bakugou Katsuki x Reader)

Summary: Bakugou’s always called you useless, especially because of your inconvenient quirk and love for ‘stupid TV shows’, but you’re determined to prove him wrong.

Hehe what kind of fangirl am I? Posting this just a day before Kacchan’s birthday...? Ah but I’m cruel lol... cuz there gonna be some ANGST in here guys... ENJOY~! And enjoy the American Horror Story Allusions!

BTW SORRY FOR ANY OOC-NESS!!

Featuring: Lord Explosion Murder!!

Your Quirk: Descensum

You can astral project and travel deep into spiritual planes and cross into the afterlife, but not returning to your physical body in 15 minutes will result in death. 

You sighed as you retreated back into the comfort of your neighborhood, shaking your head at another failed attempt to talk to him. Bakugou was so difficult sometimes, even though you loved him. You knew you did, most people said it was only a ‘crush’, but you knew that you loved that jerk with all your heart. No matter how many times he hurt your feelings.

But while your heart longed for him, your brain was also telling you (like many of your other friends) that you deserved better than how he was treating you.

“You know if you need anyone… a listening ear or anything at all Katsuki, I’m here. I’m always here…” You had said to him, but all he did was scowl at you, almost looking insulted that you had offered him such a thing.

“Tch, shut up… I don’t need your help, or anyone else’s. Besides, why the hell are you offering help? You can’t do shit… not with your useless quirk, or in general.” His words were scathing and cutting you slowly, but you endured them for the sake of your friendship. Especially after everything that had happened to his class from the Summer Camp incident, the kidnapping, the Culture Festival and everything else that was currently going on.

Sure you were just a student from the General Studies due to your passive quirk, but it didn’t mean you didn’t want to help. Your friend Shinsou was able to rise above the ranks after all and his quirk was passive like yours. You wanted to help out in any way too, even if you were still in the General Studies.

“I might not have the most practical quirk, but that’s not important… I mean it, I’m not just saying stuff, look I know it hasn’t been an easy time for you and your class and I want to try and-“ He quickly cut you off before you could keep talking.

“You want to try and what? To feel important?” Bakugou scoffed at you as you almost timidly looked away from the ferocity in his eyes. “No that’s not…”

“Don’t bullshit me. It’s always been that… all you’ve done is follow me and that damn nerd your entire life because of how weak you are.” He said, not seeming to care that you were visibly hurting from every word he was saying.

“Your quirk is useless in battle. And you can’t even use it without a time limit holding you back… when’s the last time you’ve heard of a hero who saved people with astral projection? You’re better off quirkless.”

It surprised you to hear him say that, since you swore he almost sounded concerned as his hardened features softened ever so slightly, at least until he just glared at you again. “So don’t go offering something you can’t give.” Bakugou said one last time before he turned his back to you and left you alone outside the Heights Alliance.

Which is what led you to where you were at now, on your way back home where you would wallow in your room for the rest of the day. Maybe you would get lucky another time.

…

On the weekends you made sure to try and hang out with Izuku and Bakugou as much as possible, even though they were often busy with their schoolwork since they had much different work than you did. However, you still made sure to at least say ‘hi’ or even offer to hang out with them.

Today you got lucky thanks to the sweet Kirishima and Mina inviting you on their trip to the mall that they had to drag Bakugou to. Which amused you as you snickered at how Sero and Kaminari literally pulled him along.

You did try to talk to him again though, just to try and ease his bad mood. “Hee~… since you’re finally having a break from all your work, do you wanna come over to my house and watch  an episode of Friends?” You offered with a smile, but Bakugou wasn’t even giving you a smirk.

“No.” His reply was quick. “That show is overrated. I don’t get it.” He added, which kind of disappointed you since he knew you liked that show, but you knew he just wasn’t big on it. Though, you remembered when he would watch it with you during your middle school years.

You really missed those days. Bakugou wasn’t exactly sweet back then either, but lately he’s just been all stick and no sugar. At least some days he would humor and reluctantly watch a ‘stupid show’ with you just so you would stop bothering him.

But you didn’t want to fight so you shrugged your shoulders, “Well it ain’t for everyone.” You said passively, wanting to just avoid any kind of confrontation, “Do you maybe want to go stop someplace for ice cream maybe?”

“No.” Another quick reply, and you could tell he was getting annoyed with your offers. Instead of getting upset though, you just pouted.

Bakugou didn’t miss your disappointment though, he was aware that his answers were putting you down. It’s not that he didn’t care about your feelings, but he couldn’t waste his time just fooling around when he had his training to focus on. Admittedly, he did kind of miss just hanging out with you a little bit, but you would never know that because he wasn’t going to drop his priorities for you. He didn’t like to acknowledge his weaknesses, even though he was coming to terms that he still had a lot of work to do.

And after much denial, he eventually told himself that you were one of those weaknesses, and he hated it. He hated you for it too; he hated that he actually gave a shit about you and at times did worry about you. You would never know though, he would never let you know.

Which is why he was so annoyed with your constant offers to hang out, and how ignorant you were to how he felt. Why were you so attached to him?

He growled lightly when he saw you trying to come up with something else. You were so oblivious it was pissing him off.

“Ooh, well hey how about maybe next week we go and see the new Avengers? We can even cut in front of everyone and be the first ones in.” You suggested with a big grin, because you had been going on and on to your friends about how excited you were for that movie. Especially Izuku and Shinsou, your two closest friends besides Bakugou.

Now you were positive that Bakugou would accept this offer, but all he did was give you that same glare. “Like I’ve been saying only a hundred fucking times, No! Instead of focusing on fake heroes in those damn TV shows and movies, maybe you should focus on your own work, stupid.”

Okay, that hurt.

“Okay… jeez… you know you don’t always have to be such an asshole.” You crossed your arms and pouted, but Bakugou didn’t yield. “Whatever.” He muttered, feeling like arguing with you would be a waste of time he walked ahead of you to leave you again.

You watched him walk away, your pout turning more into a frown as you sighed heavily and started walking into another direction.

“I just wanna go home in bed, eat cookie dough ice cream and watch Friends for the rest of my life…” You muttered to yourself as you peered inside a furniture store that had everything from mattresses, wide flat-screen TV’s and sofas. The perfect environment to wallow in misery.

Who the hell did Katsuki think he was? You wondered as you walked into the store and sat down on one of the mattresses. It was nice and soft, and you wondered in amusement if Shinsou’s mentor Mr. Aizawa would like this bed.

To get a better feel of the material, you lied down and rather enjoyed the billowy cushion. It helped that your quirk required to lie down so you could let your soul project from your body freely. Your quirk wasn’t useless, it was cool. In fact, you felt like Eleven from Stranger Things.

As you closed your eyes, you decided to experiment with your quirk that required you to chant the magic words.

“Spiritu duce, in me est. Deduce me in tenebris vita ad extremum, ut salutaret inferi… Descensum!”

You felt yourself almost sink rather quickly as your soul left your body and transported you to the other plane. As you opened your eyes, you saw your body lying on the bed, without a soul as you turned to see other people just walking about in the mall.

Giggling a bit, you momentarily walked around the small store and when someone walked right past you, they cringed and shuddered. Clearly, they could feel your presence but just couldn’t explain it as you tried not to laugh.

Feeling adventurous you opened your arms out and jumped up to float about among the spiritual plane, looking around the mall in awe as it looked much smaller in mid-air. And as you floated around, you saw Kaminari with Sero, and Mina with Jiro! And you tried not to snicker when you saw Bakugou yelling at a sheepish looking Kirishima.

You wondered what they were all talking about…

However, you couldn’t have too much fun because spiritual planes were all fun and games until you got yourself stuck in another part of the netherworlds and couldn’t find your way back without some otherworldly forces interfering and keeping you from going back to your body.

So you flew back to the store, but before you could return to your body you noticed that you weren’t alone when you noticed a pair of yellow eyes staring right at you.

It was a man, or at least it appeared to be a man. He was tall and strange-looking with a white face smeared in black and white skeletal make-up along with a black suit and tie and a rather nice top black hat. The man smiled at you, almost politely as you blinked slowly. It became clear to you that he must have had a similar quirk of sorts, but this was kind of making you uncomfortable, so you quickly made your way back into your body.

You took a deep breath as you opened your eyes. One thing about your quirk is that every time you came back, it felt like coming alive just shortly after dying since your body was empty without your soul to occupy it. Which was somewhat dangerous since anything and anybody could do things with your body as long as your soul wasn’t in it.

But the scariest part was that you would supposedly die if you didn’t return to your body in 15 minutes according to your mother, whose mother had the same quirk and had died from herself. You wondered if that’s why Bakugou was such an ass to you when it came to your quirk. Maybe he worried about you. Since your mother had explained to you that your quirk, called ‘Descensum’, was a hereditary one that supposedly came a bloodline of witches from Salem.

Thankfully you had gotten pretty good with coming back to your body at a record of 5 minutes each time you descended. But after seeing that person you just wanted to go back to the Bakusquad and then go home to watch Friends and eat ice cream like you had planned.

However, as soon as you exited the store the same man you saw startled you by appearing right beside you.

“Your quirk is quite fascinating young one.” The man said in the smoothest tone you had ever heard from anyone. For some reason he reminded you of that villain you heard of from Shigaraki’s gang of goons. Mr. Compress you think was the name.

But it kind of alarmed you that this person knew and witnessed your quirk at work (Hey that rhymed). And you couldn’t be so trusting since Izuku had an ordeal of his own with Shigaraki here at this mall. Who’s to say that this person wasn’t a villain in disguise?

“Thank you. Not many people seem to think so… honestly sometimes I don’t think so either.” You shyly mumbled, smiling just a little bit for the sake of being polite despite your discomfort, and this stranger seemed to know it.

“You are welcome. Do not let their words convince you that your quirk has no use.”

“I try… but… you’d be amazed at how some words can hurt…”

“Especially when those words are from the young spitfire Katsuki Bakugou. Correct?” You gasped and widened your eyes a bit. How did he know about Bakugou?

“H-How did you know…?”

“I know many a great deal about the people I set my eyes upon. It comes with my own little gift.” He smiled almost sweetly, keeping his luminous amber eyes on you the whole time and unsettling your very skin. Was he looking into your soul? Was that his quirk?

You didn’t want to be rude, but you couldn’t help but ask. “Um… who are you exactly?” You asked as politely as possible, and he gave a rather jaunty chuckle.

“I like to call myself ‘Shinigami’.” He answered, and that made you wonder if he had some kind of death-related quirk given his appearance and namesake. Although you didn’t want to be quick to judge since some of the other kids in Class 1-A were quite strange in appearance such as that raven boy Tokoyami, or the multi-armed boy Shoji, but you heard from Izuku that they were some of the nicest guys in the class.

And this man was treating you kindly enough, but the secrecy in his gentlemanly smile and demeanor didn’t make you feel at ease at all.

“There was fear you know? For all his bravado there was fear during the time when he was kidnapped. Thoughts going through his head… wondering… would he ever see his classmates again? His friends? His parents? Would he ever see you again?” Shinigami began saying these things that didn’t make sense, at least until you pieced them together and your eyes widened ever so slightly as your mouth dropped a little bit. Did he mean that Bakugou was actually afraid when he was kidnapped by the League of Villains. You always assumed that he was, but he never admitted it or really even talked about it with you. And it shocked you when this person said that Bakugou actually thought about you during that time in his life…

Did he really think about you in that traumatic moment?

However, instead of dwelling on that too much, you were becoming extremely creeped out by just how much this person knew about your friend, and possibly your other friends if what he said about his quirk implied anything. “I-I don’t think…”

“It was one of the most terrible times in his life. Behind that machismo lies a little boy who was frightened by the big scary men and women who were able to take him away and render him powerless just for a moment… and to have his childhood idol risk everything for him after?” Shinigami’s smile turned ominous, even if it wasn’t you he was talking about. It didn’t mean you weren’t freaked out, but you were glad Bakugou wasn’t here. You didn’t want to imagine how he would have reacted if he heard this stranger delving far too much into his personal life and picking at old wounds.

“Truly… it impacted him greatly… it is something the boy can never truly forget… but he will never let you know it… his care for you is genuine… but he is much more interested in pushing you away…” He finally stopped his creepy talk, but as soon as it became more about you, it made you gasp a bit.

But the worst part is it all made perfect sense. Bakugou never confided in you about anything, even though you tried to tell him that you were always there for him, but all he did was push you away.

Just thinking about it brought tears to your eyes, even though you wondered why did you let him treat you like that? Why did you stay even though he was mean to you? Why were you so attached to him?

“You love him.” Shinigami seemed to read your emotions and answered all the questions you were asking yourself. The man sounded like he was touched, but you couldn’t tell if it was genuine. You blushed heavily at the accusation, but you were finding it difficult to argue, “I-I don’t… I… no that’s not it…” You weren’t fooling anyone, not even yourself.

“You love him, but he does not love you the way you love him. He thinks you are weak. A distraction. Why do you think he does not confide in you? It would be a waste of his time…”

Shinigami’s words almost sounded slower as he talked, but it didn’t mean you didn’t hear what he was saying. They seemed to slow down just so you would be forced to hear and let the reality sink in.

Bakugou didn’t love you the way you loved him. He thought you were weak. A distraction for him. A waste of his time.

As the words rung in your head, singing the song that was crumbling your heart and bringing you a special kind of pain that felt hellish. You remembered your other friends. Like Izuku and Shinsou, two guys who you knew were in your corner. They had your back. Izuku was always there for you, and Shinsou grew a soft spot for you since you both bonded over your quirks during his time in the General Studies.

“Why waste your own time on a man who does not love you?” Shinigami then asked you, and once you slowly got over the pain of reality, you looked at him, and you shook your head.

“I do love him. I don’t think giving him the time of day is a waste of time though. Katsuki’s an asshole but he’s my friend. But I think I’ll have to kick his ass to make him never forget that… or at least tell him to stop being so mean to me all the damn time…” You came to that conclusion. As much as you loved Katsuki, you didn’t want to put up with his bullshit anymore, but you didn’t want to break off the friendship either.

And you were positive that you could try and get him to ease up just a little bit and see that you weren’t any of the things he called you. You weren’t weak or a distraction. You would be a hero just like him and just as strong as him.

You could do it.

Shinigami almost looked disappointed with what you said, however he said nothing for a while. “Young love.” He finally said, sounding like he understood but it’s clear he wasn’t happy with what he was hearing from you.

You weren’t aware of it though, but you did see his smile grow when he saw somebody over your shoulder. Turning, you saw a somewhat confused Bakugou a couple of feet away, and you blushed heavily when you thought that he might have heard everything…

Shinigami flashed the boy a smile, tipping his hat off to him but Bakugou didn’t take his politeness well as he growled at the man and quickly made his way over to you. “Who the hell are you?” He roughly asked the strange man and stood in front of you, and if you didn’t know any better, you would say that Bakugou was trying to protect you from this person.

“Just a friend. (Y/N) has a very interesting quirk you know? I find it quite fascinating.” Shinigami replied and looked him right in the eye, and you gasped a little bit as soon as he said your name, and Bakugou heard how surprised you sounded.

“Yeah right, get lost you fucking creep before I make you…” Bakugou didn’t hesitate to threaten him as his palm crackled a little bit just to give this weirdo the message. He would have yelled but he couldn’t be so sure if this person was a villain or just some freak and causing a scene would just send the entire mall into a panic. If it were a couple of months ago, he probably would have done that, but he’d been learning to at least try and assess a situation before acting. And on top of that you were right there, he wouldn’t risk you getting hurt with a potential villain so close with an unknown quirk that would probably harm you.

Thankfully Shinigami didn’t seem very put off by his behavior as he only smiled, “Very well then. Farewell children. I think we will see each other again quite soon…”

Even as the man walked away, only then did you feel genuinely scared, “Katsuki… I never told him my name…” You admitted, and even though Shinigami did imply that his quirk let him know many things without a person telling him, it still freaked you out.

“Well maybe don’t talk to strangers next time dumbass!” He somewhat harshly scolded you, grabbing your hand and taking you as far away as possible from this place. Like hell he was going to leave you alone after this.

You tried not to smile, but you couldn’t really help it. You knew he cared!

…

After a while, you thought about telling the police about that strange man who had talked to you and made you uncomfortable. But you ultimately decided not to as Bakugou walked you home, and once again turned down your offer to watch at least one episode of Friends with you.

Sighing you sat on your sofa, all by yourself since your parents were still at work. They were usually at work which somewhat bothered you, but they loved you so it wasn’t too bad. You just wish someone was here with you.

You couldn’t rely on Bakugou though, and you didn’t want to interrupt any of his friends since they were likely with him. And as much as you didn’t want to bother your other friends, the loneliness was getting a little bit too much so…

You pulled out your phone and started texting your two other best friends. Izuku and Shinsou.

‘Hey Izuku. Srry 4 sudden text. But if u’re not busy. Feel free 2 come over 2 my house. Gonna watch Friends.’

God you felt dumb and pathetic just for texting your friend, and immediately you expected him to say no. And so you decided to text Shinsou too.

‘Hi Toshi. Gonna watch Friends. Wanna watch with a friend? AKA Me?’

You kind of snickered at your terrible pun as you instantly got a text back from him.

‘That is your worst pun yet.’

‘But Sure.’

You nearly jumped up from your sofa, grinning widely when your friend ACTUALLY took up your offer and was going to come to your place. And your joy didn’t cease when Izuku texted back shortly afterward.

‘Hi (Y/N)! Sure thing. I’m not busy so sure I would love to watch Friends with you.’

Izuku really was a sweetheart. You were sure he probably could have said no if he wanted to but he seemed to actually like spending time with you so that just made you happy.

‘AWESOME! THANK U SM!! Invite the rest of the Dekusquad if u want, I’m lonely.’

You somewhat bluntly texted and added a smiley and sadface emoji. For a moment you regretted texting that last bit, but deep down you knew Izuku understood.

And so when they did show up, you were beyond overjoyed as you grinned and giggled, “Izuku~!” You quickly flustered your friend by hugging him rather tightly, “A-Ah! H-H-Hey (Y/N)… i-it’s g-good to see you too…” He stuttered as he blushed quite madly from how you hugged him in front of his friends. Even though he was used to your hugs and he liked them, the fact that you and him weren’t children anymore, and the fact that physically you were all grown-up, made him feel rather… awkward and shy when it came to such close, physical contact.

You almost missed how Uraraka, Iida and Tsuyu were blushing as you just smiled widely to see your company. Much like with the Bakusquad, you were pretty chummy with the Dekusquad as they seemed to enjoy you and you sure enjoyed them. “Hey ya’ll~. Welcome to House (L/N).” You somewhat dramatically invited them all in.

“Hi (Y/N)! Thanks for inviting us!” Uraraka sweetly thanked you, and you smiled and bowed to the girl. She was such a sweetheart to you and Izuku and you adored her.

“Yeah, that was nice of you.” And there was Tsuyu, who just seemed to rub you the right way because you loved the girl. She was nice.

“I will never say ‘no’ to a Friends marathon~. Thank you kindly for thinking of me (Y/N)~.” Aoyama seemed to be flirting with you, at least that’s what you were getting as you smiled awkwardly but happily.

“Please forgive our intrusion (L/N)!” Before Iida could go on and on about thanking you for your hospitality you quickly waved him off, “No, no Iida there ain’t nothin’ to forgive, I’m so excited ya’ll are here. I’m ‘bout to watch a Friends Marathon~. And don’t worry, I got plenty of food for this exact thing.” You politely said to the much taller boy as you let your classmates make themselves at home and you turned on the TV.

However, you got nervous as soon as you saw Todoroki. He seemed confused, albeit partially interested in his surroundings. It was hard to pinpoint, but you considered him a friend and vice-versa because he was nice to Izuku and he found you interesting and tolerable enough to be around.

“I wasn’t sure what Midoriya meant when you said a ‘Friends’ marathon.” The heterochromatic boy admitted, and you gasped somewhat loudly. It didn’t necessarily startle Todoroki, but he was confused by your reaction. “Friends is only one of the greatest shows of all time dude! It’s about a group of friends of course, but that’s just it… you see them struggle together and get through the hard times together and it just… it’s funny, it makes you feel good, and on top of that you get the musical delights from Phoebe Buffet.” You explained it to Todoroki, and he still didn’t seem to understand, but the look in his eyes implied that he did want to know a little bit more.

“I see.” He replied neutrally, but you just smiled and led him to your couch, “Put your butt here, and just watch, you’ll see what I mean.” You advised and Todoroki did comply even though he was still confused.

But you immediately got up as soon as you heard your doorbell, and cheerfully ran over because you knew who that was.

“Hitoshi~!” You ended up hugging him as soon as you opened the door, and unlike Izuku, Shinsou appeared somewhat more annoyed. But he didn’t push you away, and instead took the time to notice Izuku and the rest of his friends.

“Shinsou! Hi there.” Izuku was clearly happy to see him, but Shinsou didn’t exactly return the feelings.

“What are they doing here?” He asked somewhat curtly. Despite being on better terms with them than he was during the Sports festival, he still didn’t entirely like them that much.

“It’s a Friends Marathon ‘Tosh, that means I gotta watch it with Friends.” You clarified with your own bizarre logic, but Shinsou just sighed in annoyance. “That doesn’t make any sense…” He muttered and shook his head.

But he made the mistake of looking at your not-so-subtle puppy dog eyes, “C’mon~… they’re not that bad~. They’re here to watch Friends too after all… anyone who watches that show has to be good right? I’ll let ya sit next to me~.” You tried to convince him to stay even if he wasn’t that into Izuku’s friend group, but he couldn’t say no to you. Well, he could, but he didn’t want to…

He liked you too much to just crush you like that.

“Fine. I have nothing better to do.” Shinsou shrugged his shoulders, his words sounded cold but they lacked the coldness to them as he did sit next to you on the couch as you happily cheered. “YAY~!!”

I’LL BE THERE FOR YOU~

You were thankful for Izuku, Shinsou and the rest of the Dekusquad for last weekend. You were sure you would have died of loneliness and boredom if they didn’t show up to watch Friends with you. It was times like this that made you feel so lucky to have such awesome friends like them, especially Izuku and Shinsou. Although, you did wish that Bakugou could have been there…

Even if he probably would have complained and insulted you the whole time. And Izuku for that matter…

However, deep down you knew that he cared. He certainly proved it plenty of times…

And you wanted to see if maybe he was in the mood for talking today. Secretly you doubted it, but it didn’t hurt to try right? At least you would get to see Izuku and Shinsou. But before you could even try to go and see Class 1-A during lunch break, the alarm suddenly made you stop in your tracks.

You could already hear some of the students becoming frazzled and shouting, many wondering if it was a repeat of the USJ incident. But instead of freaking out like they had done, Iida stood up to let everyone evacuate in an orderly fashion. Unlike last time, it wasn’t the media that had trespassed onto the campus, as Nezu’s voice alarmed the students when he made the announcement that a mysterious figure had been spotted on the campus.

With that, everyone had promptly been told to exit the school safe and sound with the pro-heroes accompanying them closely as they each went home. Whereas All-Might and Mr. Aizawa led Class 1-A back to Heights Alliance.

But instead of going home with the rest of the General Studies, you had snuck out and followed Class 1-A. You had your own plans…

“(Y/N)? What are you doing here…? You should have gone home with the others.” Shinsou was the first to notice that you had somehow gotten in here, even though he shouldn’t have been surprised. You had a knack for being sneaky.

“Easy. I snuck in. And apparently so did some weirdo… but… I have a plan.” You said, smirking almost confidently.

Shinsou looked at you like you had to have been crazy, or stupid. “The pro-heroes advised our class to stay inside the building and for the other students to go home. We can’t do anything especially since we don’t even know what this person’s quirk could be.”

You nodded, obviously you weren’t stupid, but you had a good feeling about this, “I know that.” You said and started walking to the hall where you were sure the others were at, “But! This is where my quirk will come in handy. I’m not Hagakure but if I’m out and about in the spiritual plane I can try and find this person and tell Mr. Aizawa where they’re at.” It sounded like a good plan when you said it outloud, and although Shinsou couldn’t find a lot of flaws in that plan, he wasn’t so sure how the others would take that.

He thought about it for a moment, knowing your quirk almost better than you did as he sighed, “You can’t spend too much time in the spiritual plane.” Shinsou’s tone was as stoic and low as ever, but you could hear the subtle hint of worry in there. You smiled at your friend.

“I know. But I always come back.” You said with a wink as you started waving as soon as you saw Izuku, Bakugou and Todoroki with Uraraka, Tsuyu, Aoyama, Kirishima and Iida. “You guys~!” You sounded way too cheerful despite the situation and many of them were surprised to see you here. Especially Izuku and Bakugou.

“(Y-Y/N)!”

“What the hell are you doing here idiot?!”

Of course you expected to hear that from Izuku and Bakugou respectively. “Um I don’t know, saving the day, coming to help?”

“(L/N)! You should not be here! You should have gone home with the others in your class! Though… I suppose you can’t leave now. It wouldn’t be wise to leave now with a suspect on the loose…” Iida didn’t even listen to you, he just scolded you for going against what the pro-heroes told you to do.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah… I know I should have gone home, but I was just tellin’ Toshi here that I think I can find this villain for the teachers. After all… my quirk means that I can basically just wander about freely in the other planes.” You stated with a smile, and you managed to convince Uraraka and Kirishima.

“Oh! I get it! Because they can’t see you when you leave your body! Like a ghost! A villain can’t see a ghost.” Kirishima understood your plan, and so far was the only one who had even a bit of hope in you. “That’s right! Souls are like spirits… they shouldn’t be able to see you! And you can check every area in the school.” Uraraka also got the gist of your plan. So far that was two people that thought you could really help.

Now it was time for the skeptics. “(L/N)’s quirk could be useful. But we don’t know what this potential villain’s quirk is. If their quirk somehow counters yours, you could be in danger.” Todoroki saw the flaw in your plan, but he wasn’t saying to be rude, just realistic, and you understood that.

“H-He’s right. I think you should just stay here with us. You’ll be safe (Y/N).” Izuku agreed with Todoroki, but he was more worried than anything. It wasn’t that he wasn’t confident in you, he just didn’t want you to take such a big risk.

“And you can’t just take action! That’s the teacher’s job! It’s wise to just let them do their jobs and not get involved. They specifically told the students to stay out of the situation.” Iida was thinking mainly about your safety, but you didn’t really listen to him.

“It’s not taking action, it’s offering help. If we sit here and do nothing, how can we call ourselves heroes? How can I call myself a hero? I might not be in the Hero Course, but I came to this school to try and become a hero. I have to try…” You explained to your friends, and as much as they were worried about you, that little speech of yours had them speechless for a moment.

Bakugou wouldn’t admit it, but for once he agreed with Deku and Iida. Albeit, mostly with telling you to just stay put, he wanted to go after that damn villain himself, but at this point he knew better than to just rush in blindly. And ironically, he was about to scold you for attempting to do just that, “It’s not like your quirk will actually help. It’s useless… even if you just find the bastard, then what?” But he just had to shoot you down. But it was only because he wouldn’t ever let you know that your descending scared him though and so he never sugar-coated anything to you, nor did he act all nice to you and shit, because he wouldn’t let anyone see that he was soft on you. Not even you.

“Well that’s the point now isn’t it? I can’t be the most useless one in UA all the time.” You shrugged your shoulders, pretending to pop the joints in your fingers, but your joke didn’t amuse Bakugou in the slightest.

“Tch. Don’t even try it stupid. It’s a fucking suicide mission. You can’t even fight back to save yourself.” He muttered, not seeming entirely worried since he knew you always came back. But he really hated your quirk, even if you always returned from those spirit worlds or whatever. It was kind of unsettling.

You rolled your eyes and nodded, “I won’t HAVE to fight back and I SO could fight back if I had to… and when I come back you’ll see that I’m not as useless or pathetic as I seem Katsuki.” Not wanting to lose what little pride you had, you pointed at him with a determined tone before you lied down on the floor and he just stared down at you as you did so. As he always did…

“And when I come back under 5 minutes, yooooou… have to take me to see Endgame~. I already got you a ticket~.” You sang-songed and showed off the tickets you brought in advance, waving them up in his face, much to Bakugou’s immense annoyance. “Forget it Shitty Girl!”

“Too late, bet’s made~.” You sang again with a giggle as Bakugou glared and growled at you angrily, but you thought it was hilarious.

“Wait! (Y/N)… are you sure about this?” Izuku no longer attempted to argue with you, but he had to ask, because he was much more openly afraid whenever you left the physical plane. He knew the consequences of your quirk, and he was worried about the villain possibly seeing you. Even though he knew that you might as well have been a ghost when you crossed into the spiritual plane and no one could see you. He was still worried…

The rest of his class had experience with villains, and you didn’t.

“I’m positive Izuku. I’m coming back. I always do. I can’t always be yours and Katsuki’s standing-on-the-sidelines friend. My quirk is just as useful as you guys’ and I’m going to prove it. I’ll find the person and tell Mr. Aizawa where they’re at. They won’t find me either, I’m feeling pretty confident about that!” You claimed with a rather enthusiastic tone, but you only convinced Uraraka, Tsuyu, Iida, Kirishima and Aoyama.

“W-Well…” Izuku wanted to try and argue, but Bakugou quickly shut him up, “Don’t coddle her all the damn time Deku. It’s probably why she’s so weak.” He said snidely to his childhood friends, much to Izuku’s displeasure and you could only roll your eyes.

“Dude come on… why you gotta be so mean?” Kirishima actually kind of scolded his friend, which just earned him Bakugou’s trademark glare. But Kirishima liked you, he thought you were cool and as much as he liked the guy, he certainly did not like the way he treated you often.

“I am NOT weak! I’m coming back and I’m finding that son of a bitch. I can’t wait to see the look on your face when I come back. So suck my dick~.” You smirked a bit just to see that annoyed scowl on his face one last time before you set the timer on your phone for 15 minutes.

“Please be careful (Y/N)…” Izuku said to you as he nervously glanced at you on the floor.

You smiled sweetly up at him, happy that at least one of your childhood friends was showing concern. “I will Izuku. I’ll be back by the time you know it. In the meantime… take care of my body.” You said rather confidently as your friends (sans Bakugou) smiled at you and wished you luck as you closed your eyes.

To recite the spell, you placed your arms outward and began to chant the incantation from your mother.

“Spiritu duce, in me est. Deduce me in tenebris vita ad extremum, ut salutaret inferi… Descensum!”

With a zooming rush, you felt yourself descending into an abyss of dreadful familiarity that felt a little darker and hollower than before. And as soon as you opened your eyes, you found yourself in the spiritual plane. Everything looked the same, you could see Katsuki, Izuku, Uraraka, Tsuyu, Todoroki, Kirishima, Aoyama and Iida each looking down at your now soulless body in concern and anticipation.

But this was good, now that you were in the spiritual plane you could just float about and focus on the suspect that had been spotted around the campus. You got up to leave Heights Alliance but made sure to search around the building in case the suspect was around the area, but you found nothing.

So you flew through the air, looking in every direction as you scanned the Ground Beta, the Gymnasium and the entire campus closely. In mid-air you saw nothing, nobody except maybe the teachers who were also searching for the culprit. They couldn’t see anyone either, nor did they have any luck in finding anyone suspicious.

It was quite strange. Because you weren’t seeing anyone hiding, unless they had a quirk like Hagakure’s, but you didn’t count on that given that Principal Nezu said that this suspect had been spotted.

For a moment you wondered if it was just a prank from some other rival school trying to scare the students. You didn’t want to give up just yet, but you couldn’t be in this plane too long.

Now all that was left was to get back to your body. You flew as fast as you could back to the familiar building, smiling as soon as you approached the door and got on your feet to run back to where your body and friends were at.

However, as soon as you reached the hallway you didn’t see your body, or your friends anywhere. Did they leave and take you to another room? You wondered…

The atmosphere looked darker, and an uncomfortable shiver ran down your spine as you looked around and got a feeling of the air around you. It made you feel almost sick when darkness started creeping around the corners. A gasp escaped you as your eyes widened in horror. This wasn’t Heights Alliance, it was some upside-down, dark version of it. As soon as you took the first step inside, everything felt wrong. You could feel it in the stale air as you slowly walked. Something in your mind told you to just escape because this was a trap, but you weren’t sure if you would even be able to do that…

And you paused as soon as your shoe hit what felt like a puddle…

Looking down you saw your reflection in a crimson pool, your eyebrows shooting up in horror as you gasped quietly and felt your heartbeat speeding up as you reluctantly looked forward. There were bodies all over the floor.

Jirou. Mina. Yaoyorozu. Sero. Kaminari. Tokoyami. Shoji. Hagakure. All of them…

“O-Oh my God… Oh my God…!! Mina! Momo! Denki?! H-Hanta?! Guys?! Please… oh please tell me you guys are still alive…” You got down to try and move the body that belonged to ‘Yaoyorozu’, trying in vain to wake her up but the body was limp and cold to the touch. “Momo wake up! Momo wake up…” Your voice broke as you tried to shake her awake, but you saw blood on the corner of her mouth and a deep gash staining her stomach…

Your eyes widened in horror as you looked closer and reluctantly at the rest of your friends. They all had similar wounds to the stomach, the back of their heads, and there were some broken bones…

What happened to them while you were gone? Was it the villain? Where were they now...?

“I told you you couldn’t help… Shitty Girl…” You gasped loudly and turned sharply to see Bakugou, battered and beaten with streams of blood gushing from his mouth, nose and the top of his head, tresses of his blonde hair caked in scarlet.

“Katsuki…” It wasn't just him, you also saw them.

Izuku, Shinsou, Uraraka, Tsuyu, Todoroki, Kirishima, Iida and Aoyama...

All of them, fallen and beaten bloody as they lied in puddles of their blood. Some barely moving and only half-alive as Shinsou slowly peered up at you, wanting to speak but no sound came from his lips.

"(Y-Y/N)... you have to go..." You heard Izuku croak where he lied, and you shook your head in horror. "I-I'm not leaving ya'll..." You refused to leave, but you were beyond confused and scared as hell. This felt so real and yet so artificial that it was shaking your very core and terrifying you as you held your arms, hyperventilating as you failed to calm yourself down as the image of your bloodied friends was becoming too much for you to handle.

Unbeknownst to you, 10 minutes had passed and Bakugou audibly growled as he began pacing back and forth irritably while the rest of his classmates just kept watching you with worry in their eyes. They've seen your quirk work before, and you almost always came back in 5 minutes or less, sometimes you took 7 minutes, but this was so far the longest you have taken and it was starting to concern them. Izuku, Uraraka and Iida looked the most worried as Izuku ran his shaking fingers through his hair while Aoyama and Uraraka tried to comfort him by placing her hand on his shoulder.

“Calm down Midoriya… I am confident in (L/N)’s abilities. She’s a clever girl.” Iida tried to reassure his friend, even though it was clear that he was becoming increasingly concerned too.

“I’ve always seen her come back.” Shinsou, while not as close to Izuku as the others, tried to calm him down since he’s always seen you come back and was always there every time you did return to the physical plane. Even during close calls Shinsou was there every time to see you come back with at least 5 minutes on the clock. But once it was down to 4 minutes…

Now he was starting to worry.

Even the less than emotive Todoroki and Tsuyu were beginning to look worried when your phone went down to 4 minutes.

“She has 4 minutes left…” Todoroki muttered quietly, his eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly. Would you really die if you didn’t come back by then?

While Izuku’s friends barely contained their anxiety, Kirishima concealed his growing concern by trying to calm down Bakugou even though he was on the verge of freaking out himself. “Relax now man…”

“How the hell can I fucking relax?! What the hell’s taking her so long?! She always comes back by 5 minutes! 5 MINUTES!”

“She probably found the suspect." Tsuyu deducted, keeping her cool even though she was getting more worried with each passing second, "If she's taking this long it means that she definitely found something and is probably trying to figure something out wherever she's at." She tried to think of why you might have been taking so long, but neglected to say the very real possibility that either you found something, or something found you. Because she's learned from her consequences of speaking her mind too much, and stating that possibility would just make everyone, including herself, freak out if it were said out loud.

But even if Tsuyu didn't say it, Bakugou wasn't comforted or reassured because Tsuyu had to have been right. You definitely found something because you never took this long. Never...

“Oh my God… no stop it… whoever’s doin’ this just stop it…” You didn’t believe that this was your Katsuki. He might have looked and sounded just like him, but you refused to believe that this was your Katsuki. And part of you wanted to hope that these people weren't you classmates either, they were just illusions...

But why did they look so real?

"You did this yourself you fucking idiot... I told you to just stay put... it's your own fucking fault..." 'Katsuki' said to you coldly, with a hateful glare in his drooping eyes as he suddenly choked when a sharp, squelching slash pierced right through his stomach and you gasped with wide eyes full of terror as you felt the red drops splatter on your cheeks. Your eyes quivered as you watched the dagger rip your beloved upwards and made the rest of his blood spill to the ground as he coughed and slowly collapsed to the ground as you suddenly gasped and let out a horrified wail.

“NOOOOOOOOO!!”

It was taking too long.

You were taking too long and the clock was ticking, which did nothing to ease the nerves of your classmates as Izuku started to pant from anxiety. You always came back by this time…

“(Y-Y/N)’s taking a long time… she never takes this long…” He shakily said to his friends, who were no longer hiding their worry but still trying to remain calm.

“She’ll come back! She always does! Just shut up Deku!” Bakugou instantly shouted at his childhood friend, not wanting to hear that you WERE taking a long time because all that did was make the tightening anxiety in his chest crush him from the inside.

“NOOOOOOOOO!!”

You continued to scream as the rest of your friends were slowly butchered right before your eyes by a dark figure you couldn't make out. All you could focus on was your friends being sliced up and slowly murdered right before your eyes and you couldn't do a thing to help. Even though every semblance of your being was screaming at you to move, something kept you rooted to the spot. Something that wasn't a part of you, it was some kind of force that you couldn't make out, and it forced you to stay where you were at as your friends kept screaming for you.

Again and again, you heard Izuku scream for you, and Katsuki shout when the blade stabbed him again.

"(Y/N)!"

"I told you you couldn't help..."

"O-Oh God..."

SLASH

“NOOOOOOOOO!!”

"Y-You have to go..."

"O-Oh God no... no please stop..."

"You did this yourself you fucking idiot..."

SLASH

"NOOOOOOOOO!!"

"It's your own fucking fault..."

"No stop it, whoever's doin' this just stop it please..."

SLASH

"NOOOOOOOOO!!"

Every single time you saw them die and every time you heard Katsuki's words, you would wail and scream even louder as tears freely flowed down your face. Choking on a sob you sunk to your knees, nearly vomiting as soon as you looked at your dear friends’ bodies yet again.

Your precious Katsuki, Izuku and Shinsou…

And again.

And again.

And again…

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!”

It never ended. Even the least of the worst filled you with a despair that just made you want to just cease from existence if it meant being free of this suffering. As you feel down to your knees oncemore, you slowly peered up to see him…

Shinigami.

He stood there, watching you with his piercing, taunting gold eyes. His grin peering into your damned soul as he cackled wickedly at your torment as he forced you to stand back up as you blinked for a little bit.

The epiphany hit you as soon as you let out another scream when warm, scarlet droplets that belonged to no one other that your Katsuki, splattered on your face yet again as your tears continued to fall and mix with the redness.

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!”

And This was your hell. And it was your prison that you realized you were going to relive on a constant loop.

Over and over again.

“HEY! Come back already you fucking idiot! I know you can hear me! Stop wasting your damn time you little shit!” Bakugou had come down to his knees and started to aggressively shake your shoulders in an attempt to wake you up. Hating how limp and flaccid your body felt as he glowered at you. You looked so lifeless, as if you were dead and although he didn’t and wouldn’t say it, it was so terrifying to him. You might as well have been dead everytime you used you descended into another plane.

It’s been way too long. He stared anxiously at your phone, and there was only 2 minutes left for you to come back to your body. “She’s stuck. She’s fucking stuck…” He came to that conclusion and he didn’t have to look at his classmates to see them all panicking.

“We have to help her.” Izuku quickly suggested, but he knew that there was very little time left and he honestly didn’t know how they could help you. He was so scared that he could hear his heart beat in his chest, and he was sure his classmates all felt the same fear as they looked at you with alarmed, worried glances.

“We should get Mr. Aizawa! His quirk should cancel hers out and force her to go back to her body… right…?” Kirishima thought outloud, it was wishful thinking at best, but he didn’t want to imagine worst-case scenario. And if the others were being honest, they were hoping for that…

Shinsou didn’t want to show his fear, and he wouldn’t despite his trembling hands, “Mr. Aizawa’s quirk won’t work… she has to come back on her own…” He said, albeit reluctantly as he stared at your body, secretly begging any deity that existed to help you come back…

You had to come back…

But there was only one minute left, and your body showed no signs of life or movement whatsoever.

“Follow my voice… dammit follow my voice you idiot…” Bakugou carefully picked your body up into his arms and held you close to his chest as he whispered to you, “I know you can hear me… hurry the fuck up and just follow my voice… you’re scaring the shit out of everybody…” There was no anger in his tone, only worry as he put his arms around you. He remembered the way you used to hug him every time you saw him when you were both kids.

But as the two of you got older, you stopped hugging him because you knew that he would always push you away and he scared you with his harsh attitude until you stopped. And right now, Bakugou started asking himself why? Why did he push you away?

He loved the way you hugged him. How warm you felt against his body, and now he didn’t feel anything from your body at all.

“We’re all waiting for you…” Izuku’s voice broke as tears streamed down his face that he quickly wiped away. He would not cry, he couldn’t; he knew you would come back, you had to. You just had to…

“(Y/N)…” Shinsou knew it was pointless to say your name because you couldn’t hear anyone, but he couldn’t stop the terror settling in his skin as he shook when he saw only 20 seconds left. The rest of his classmates widening their eyes and beginning to sweat as they focused on Bakugou clinging to your limp body as he shut his eyes and quietly hyperventilated.

“Come back already… Come back…! (Y/N) Come back!!” He shouted desperately as he held onto your body, cradling and rocking you. His hold tightening into a hug you couldn’t feel as warm droplets hit your cold skin.

“TIME’S UP! TIME’S UP! TIME’S UP!”

As your cheerfully voiced timer ran out, Bakugou’s hold on you suddenly loosened as he gasped sharply when he suddenly felt nothing but a shroud of dust suddenly powder his arms and fingers as he watched your body disintegrate into nothing…

He didn’t hear his classmates all shout when your body just… disintegrated. Leaving nothing but a pile of ash that dissipated quickly as they all looked wide-eyed with horror. The room was dead silent for a while, but that silence was immediately replaced with gasps that quickly turned into cries…

“(Y/N)!!!” 

Izuku fell to his knees as he wailed your name. He stared at the dust, a mix of horror, disbelief and confusion crossing his features as he let the realization sink in that his dear friend was gone and began to sob loudly and shamelessly. It was all too much for the rest of his friends as Uraraka followed shortly as she let her own tears fall, “Oh (Y/N)… (Y/N)!” Uraraka held onto Izuku to try and comfort him even though she was crying for you too.

Aoyama was horrified, and almost in disbelief. That didn’t really happen did it? He didn’t want to believe it, but the more he heard Midoriya and Uraraka cry, the more it became apparent that you did die. For once he had nothing to say as he held back a sob and hugged Izuku along with Uraraka as his tears fell and quietly cried with them.

“M-Midoriya… Uraraka… A-Aoyama, d-don’t… d-don’t cry…” Iida tried to remain firm and look strong for his distraught classmates, but the more he looked at the ashes that used to be you, the more tears fell from his glossy eyes as he choked on a sob, able to do nothing other than lower to the ground to hug his three friends after the loss of their friend.

Todoroki couldn’t believe what he saw. Did you really just die?

He saw Midoriya, Uraraka, Aoyama and Iida crying and holding each other, and then he saw Kirishima staring in horror and despair as he looked at the remains of your body.

“(Y/N)!!” He didn’t want to cry, but the feeling was way too much for him to hold in as he openly sobbed, and Tsuyu attempted to console him even though she couldn’t stop her own tears from falling. In his grief, the two shared a hug as they both cried for you.

Seeing everyone cry, only reminded Todoroki of his own past pains. He has had his loved ones taken from him before, but they never truly left him. And only then did the weight of your apparent death hit him as he stared at the dust with a gentle, but saddened look as a silent tear fell to the ground.

You were his friend…

“She was... my friend…” Shinsou thought to himself as he distanced himself from the group, covering his mouth with his hand as he held back the burning tears in his eyes but they betrayed him and ebbed down his face as he let out a strained sob.

Bakugou was silent and in a near catatonic state as he stared at the dust, his vision nearly blurring when he looked in horror when he saw some of the powder on his hands. The powder that used to be you…

And his breathing turned shallow, rapid and quiet when he remembered everything he had told you before this.

He called you weak…

A distraction.

Useless.

And then he saw the tickets that were left behind among the ashes. You said you would come back, and yet you broke that promise by not coming back at all and left him with nothing. Nothing but tickets to a movie you said he would have to take you to the next week, but he wasn't going to anymore. He wouldn't take you anywhere anymore.

When the reality settled in, he felt his whole being tremble as his breath stuttered when he tried breathing, letting out a choked sob as his tears cascaded down his face as he crumbled where he sat. There was nothing that could steal this unbearable pain in his chest as all Bakugou could do was sob and let the tears rain and trickle to the ashes that were once you. Every breath felt like he was suffocating as he couldn't fight the guilt that was at war with his fragile pride in his mind as he cried for you.

All he wanted was for you to hug him again, so he could tell you that he was sorry for all the shitty things he said to you and how he had treated you and take you to see that movie and any damn episode of Friends you wanted. But there was nothing there of you anymore, and he couldn't even hold you anymore.

PART 2: https://ice-cream-kitsunegirl.tumblr.com/post/184430454599/young-love-and-an-episode-of-friends-bakugou

[fandom-necromancer]

Android tears

Thank you so much for prompting this! I loved writing this!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 (Warning: self-harm (character unhealthily denying their personality))

‘Don’t you patronise me! I can talk and decide for myself, dipshit!’ ‘I don’t need your phcking help, leave me alone!’ ‘Oh so suddenly you try befriend me? Phck off!’ ‘So, we started working together. No big deal. But I won’t be up for this partner bullshit, yeah? And no, I won’t go with you to some bar! Get your metal ass somewhere else, I’ll go with Tina. You are not invited.’

RK900 had learned very early that Detective Gavin Reed was a rather stubborn and proud individual. It was difficult to work with him to say the least. But he was just as determined himself. If he simply did all the man demanded of him he would certainly get more civil, right? If he had no reason to complain, maybe he would become nicer. RK900 was deviant, had been woken up after the revolution by Markus and Connor. He remembered how confusing the world had been. No orders, no purpose, no goals. He had to set them himself. His current mission was to get on Reed’s good side. Only then he could work effectively.

The only problem were his emotions. Without programming to hold them in check they were free to mingle with his logic and decision-making. He had learned to appreciate them very early on because they managed to give him a clear first impression and quick reactions. A detection device in social situation and an essential part of him he embraced with pride. He couldn’t understand how others shut them out as if they were some intruding virus, although he unfortunately knew their chaining properties too.

Every time the Detective scolded him, told him what to do and more importantly what not to do, he was swallowed by emotions. They kept him back from nodding his head and go on, letting him replay his decisions in his mind to find the error. He had tried to help, helping was a good thing. He had wanted to help the Detective because then things would be easier for the human. Humans liked when things were easy and appreciated the attention and care of others. It was the basic idea of friendship and other human social structures. Working together was an essential part of their identity starting in their organic origin and ending in their self-created societies. So why was this detective so averse to him offering his help or trying to form these social bonds? He seemed to like their initial purpose, the simple machines, more. And if RK900 had to cut his emotions short to try and convince this human he was worth getting to know if Reed just tried, he would do that. Even if it made him feel horrible and made him having trouble entering stasis thinking about the regret of having to become something he was not. But if he got the Detective to like him, to be more open, then maybe he could show him his true self again. Maybe this all was too much at once for the man.

 So he stripped away more and more personality with each and every scolding or complaint. He stopped offering to carry their files to and from the archive, he stopped asking how the detective’s weekend had been. He stopped trying to engage in after work activities with him. He stopped joking with him. He slowly became more of a machine than he would have been had he never deviated. But it started to work: the detective’s complaints were becoming rarer. RK900 was sure he could soon start trying to slowly build himself up again.

‘Toaster, you’ll go right, I’ll go left! Get that asshole!’ RK900 nodded and started speeding up. Their fugitive was running in front of the detective, but if he was fast enough he might be able to intercept him, allowing them a quick and easy arrest. Reed would like that. He exceeded human speeds as his feet drummed against the ground and calculated the possible path of the fugitive. His speed was ideal. He would turn around the corner and stand just in front of the man. Perfect.

It was the void he found when he actually turned around that disturbed his preconstructing programs. He just looked at the empty space for a few moments before distant curses reached his ears. In the distance, only half way between him and where they had split up before, Reed was held by the throat over a deep chasm where traintracks emerged from a tunnel. The Detective gasped for air, scratching at the arm of their fugitive trying to get out of his grip and at the same time hold onto him.

‘Gavin!’ RK900 felt his carefully buried emotions reemerge, recognised the fear in his voice as he screamed out the name he wasn’t allowed to use. Would the criminal let go of him, the detective’s chances at survival were minimal. The drop he could survive with serious injuries, but the current was a whole different thing. His mechanical heart dropped as the fugitive saw him, panicked and let go of his partner in favour of running off. He was already running, knowing well enough he wouldn’t make it in time, but was relieved to see the man managed to grab at the edge, now hanging down the wall. RK900 was confronted with a decision. Everything in him screamed to help the man, to grab his wrists and lift him up back to safe grounds. But there was also [Reed doesn’t need my phcking help, leave him alone!]. RK900 nearly gave in to the urge, but reminded himself the detective had valued the mission always higher than his own wellbeing. He wouldn’t like it would he let the fugitive get away. Although it hurt, RK900 ran past his struggling partner and followed the criminal, catching him two blocks away and calling in someone to take him away. It was as the car departed, he saw a figure walking towards him. A very angry figure.

‘What the phcking hell were you thinking leaving me alone there?’, the detective screamed at him, while RK900 just felt immense relief that the human was still alive and well. ‘What made yoou think this was a good idea, huh? You phcking tin-can! I could have died! Ah maybe you wanted that? Get rid of me finally? You phcking asshole. Guess finishing your mission is more important than a human life.’ ‘You!’ He sucked in more air before uttering the words that cut deep, too deep: ‘You are just a phcking machine after all! Why had I even imagined you care? You don’t have emotions, you don’t have anything. Just a stupid, worthless robot.’

RK900 couldn’t bear this any more. Everything the man had said to him until now had made him become this, he had had hope to finally be good, to finally be what the man wanted. But now… It suddenly wasn’t enough, it wasn’t at all pleasing. All these confines, all this effort – for nothing. The android felt his knees gave in underneath him and he fell together with his self-written confines. All the emotions he had locked away to please the human now came flooding back and over him, weighing him down with immense pressure. He felt it all. Hurt was the strongest, but beyond that laid an overwhelming sea of sadness with just a dash of despair. ‘Nines?’ It was carefully spoken and absent-mindedly he realised there were tears streaming down his face. Just too much emotion to handle. Everything was felt and flew down a drain just to emerge as fury and anger he tried to supress desperately, because even after all this, he still wanted to be good. To build up a friendship to this true asshole of a human being. But it wasn’t to be contained. It was like a barrel leaking water through holes and he tried to press his hands against them, only that the holes were bathtub-sized. ‘Nines, god, is everything okay?’ RK900 shook his head, the tears rolling down now of anger not of sadness. ‘You really think that? You really think that everything is okay?’ He laughed through the tears standing up and saw Gavin taking a step back from him - hand stretched out towards him before now back to his side. ‘How can you?!’ RK900 hadn’t realised his voice could be this loud, this booming. ‘I guess that’s too much for you, huh? A crying android. I bet you’ll make fun of that too! Hah, this damn tin-can invited me to drink. It can’t even drink. Hah, the toaster tried taking a box away from me. Like I couldn’t do it myself! Hah, the stupid machine can’t even take a hit, it’s crying now! I am just something you can hate on, isn’t that right? I did everything you wanted. I tried to be nice to you, who knows why, and every time you told me to stop. And I complied. I followed everything you told me. I became something I hated just to please you! And now. Now I followed it again, keeping the mission first priority as I should do according to you. And now that is wrong, too? I realise now there is no way to please you. There is no way for me becoming friends with you, because everything I do is wrong, no matter what I do or how hard I try. I realised everything I denied myself I denied without a reason, without something  to make it worth in the end. And still you have the audacity to ask if everything is okay?’

‘Nines, I.. I didn’t know-‘ ‘Oh you knew. You just didn’t care.’ RK900’s anger had subsided. It had felt good being angry, it gave him energy to say what he had wanted to push out for so long. But now… there was just the cold realisation and the sadness coming back. ‘Is that really how you felt all the time? I never realised what I said hurt you like that.’ ‘Oh no, why should it hurt, right? Because it’s just an android, right? No harm done then. Of course it hurts! I have feelings too!’ ‘You always seemed like that stoic robot to me, Nines. I didn’t even knew you heard what I’d said.’ ‘No, you just never looked past the robot. I was just another damn android to you! Like an oversized computer! I am a person, Gavin!’ There was silence as the android used his sleeve to wipe away the streaks of tears on his cheeks and Gavin looked to the ground.

As the human lifted his head again and looked into RK900’s eyes, despite logic and reason, hope rose up. ‘I am sorry, Nines.’ ‘That won’t change anything you’ve done’, RK900 hissed with venom. ‘I know.’ That caught him off-guard and maybe the detective deserved another chance. Yet another one after the uncontable number of chances RK900 had granted him already. So, he just sighed, blinking away the residue in his eyes.

‘It won’t erase your mistakes. But I guess it’s a start.’ ‘Start over then?’ Gavin held out his hand with his offer. ‘As partners?’ RK900 eyed him sceptically. ‘As partners’, Gavin agreed and Nines took the human’s hand with a firm nod.

[empressxmachina]

Dolled Up and Underdressed // 2

Promises, part II

Brooke shut the door behind herself, only to open it if any of the wandering Wainscots knocked a code. On the surface, the shed was nothing out of the ordinary. Hedge clippers. Garden hose. Charcoal, propane, and logs. Some spare parts and local wares. A hidden door behind some shelves and paneling. Going through said door, however, the comfy cabin stretched underground beyond its cozy, cup size into the beefed-up bunker it really was.

Posters became historical maps. Instruction booklets for lawn tools became test plans. The wood was now metal and LEDs. Various files and other personals were stacked and stored across and around lines of tables and stations of varied roles, all of which they’d rather die for than reveal to any outsider. Crossing her arms, Brooke strutted down the center path and reunited with Garrett at its end.

There, at the hub of it all, wearing matching glowers, Brooke joined in with him keying in the final characters of a ridiculous sequence into a specialized console.

The last symbol was entered into its keyboard, its screen began to buffer, and then they waited.

And then they waited.

They waited, losing hope, looking for all the ‘last resorts’ in reaching distance. The piercers. The navigators. The bottles and boxes and all they contained.

Optimism quickly started to plummet, but they still waited all the while… until it wasn’t needed anymore.

They were here.

The monitor eventually stopped processing, indicating with a jingle that contact was made. The Wainscots’ breaths were held as hard as their hands, and only determination kept them inside at the appearance of their interlocutor.

The display’s girth being comparable to a mattress, longer than Garrett’s height and broader than his wingspan, left nothing to the imagination. Every hair, pore, and hue on the answerer’s face was present and accounted for. Relating their glamour and airbrushed features to the rustic naturalness Brooke and Garrett donned would’ve seemed nonsensical from the outside looking in. But it was that extravagant look, on top of the muffled atmospherics in the background, that proved their connection right.

Disregarding the effort to make greetings, the protective parents began the conversation.

“The caravan’s left,” Garrett gruffly announced.

Brooke followed suit with her own sighs. “She’s… on her way.”

“I have already been made aware of that,” the dame on screen, one of Them, addressed, somewhat preoccupied. Her side of the video conference appeared to be filmed from a handheld device. As products began to pile on her face from below the frame, one could guess it was combined with a makeup compact. Her dolling up eventually ended, and she continued with her full attention and appreciation. “But I appreciate you informing me, regardless… despite your disquiet.”

Brooke gave a slight bow of farewell before turning back toward the outside. The farther forward she went back up the shelter, the warmer it became, but she chilled again when she noticed no footsteps following her. A glance behind her shoulders found Garrett continuing to talk on the call, and his audience of one appeared to be listening intently.

They were struck silent. The incongruity between lifestyles and demeanors was incredible.

“I understand your unease,” Hailey’s soon-chaperone commiserated, tucking some hair behind an ear, shining more light on the gems that hung from it. “Really, I do. But I assure you. We are on the same side.”

The soft shock that the couple wore immediately evaporated off their faces. Such niceness from someone so well-off was more than unbelievable.

“If that were the case,” Brooke tested, a hand on her hip, “then you’d know why I can’t believe that.”

“The trophy wife aesthetic you’re painting on yourself sure isn’t helping your attempt at humility, either,” Garrett huffed in accordance.

Now, it was the duenna that was caught off-guard. To go after her customs was one thing, but to go after her appearance was low. Not only was the sentiment false, but it was also just rude. Rude in a way to set someone off beyond their usual limit.

As the subject of the jab, she didn’t take it lightly. “Because being a so-called ‘trophy’ is definitely worse than being—!”

Before she could complete a comeback, a new, disembodied speaker entered the call. The silhouette reflected in her eyes verified it was another person in the room, rather than just a voice. The words resonated with bass but not in an overbearing way. It held control without an iron fist as she spoke back to it. At least, that was all Hailey’s parents could guess from the sudden language barrier.

A series of syllables that sounded painful to reproduce yet melodious flew around them, and they knew they had a better chance of guessing how many freckles their bun in the oven had than whatever they were saying. The words they spoke were unknown, though body language was apparently universal. Over twenty years of binding with the same person built much experience in emotion expression for Brooke, and she would’ve bet all that she could safely give away on her confidence in Player Four’s identity.

“Is that your husband?” she inquired, garnering a presumptive look from her own spouse.

The question smacked the faraway set of speakers like a pile of bricks, muzzling them in an instant. The matron gazed deeply into the screen, focusing more so on Garrett to catch what Brooke mentioned about him that she must have missed. When Brooke repeated her query, this time in the past tense, clarity on the opposite end was reached. However, as the fourth soul in the fray remained unaddressed, the shed dwellers were still left in the dark.

After a pointed pause, they were brought into the loop, but that pointing left more to be desired,

“That’s… a word for my partner.”

Brooke and Garrett shared a look between themselves, counting all the definitions such wording could have for that relationship. The fiery reentrance of the fourth soul – the woman’s husband – in that brusque, foreign tongue shortened that list in some ways and lengthened it in others. What then bubbled into a presumed marital spat grew uncomfortable to watch, but such chips in their perfect personas were somewhat humbling.

One could’ve said they were relatable, but then the last resorts would’ve had to have been brought out.

“Ahem,” the interlocutor lady cleared her voice after some time, attempting to swerve the call back on its intended course. “Apologies. Yes, that is my husband.”

Neither Wainscot said anything immediately, but Garrett expected for the interjecting gentlemen to at least introduce himself. They had already met, but courtesy was always appreciated. Why else would the call still be happening?

Just as the fans of the shed automatically flicked on, the encompassing mood dropped with the lowering temperature, Garrett going first to spit ice. “It’s nice of him to show how much he cares about our daughter’s safety by being off-frame.”

The outlying wife, with a quick gasp, spread her lips to respond, but her voice wasn’t the one to reply. The sir, from afar, countered for himself, combating the diss with his own frozen singes. “It’s as nice as your assumptions of us: they who are about to host her in their home. We’ve given you no major reasons to distrust us, aside from the lax acquaintanceship.”

Not liking anything that could’ve been inferred from that, Brooke was next to debate. “I think you have a different definition of ‘major’ where you’re from. Like hell, we should trust you.”

“Well,” the doyenne carped, “whether or not you should, you are.” She then set a hand – the one not holding her communication device – atop her heart for emphasis. “Hailey’s safety is our top priority, too, and we genuinely thank you for opening your hearts and letting her come into our lives.”

“She is a grown woman,” Brooke tersely defined. “She can make her own decisions, and she wanted to do this, despite not knowing the full story. I would’ve given her more to go on about it, but… consider my censorship, at your request, my part of this trust trade.”

Her last statement came out more like a grumble, but it was heard. A surprise to be heard, for sure, but it was heard.

“That sounds like you actually didn’t try anything,” the distant don said in disbelief. “Huh.”

“A surprise, indeed,” his other half concurred, “and I promise your compromising will be in your favor. As discomforting as I’m sure this seems on your end, this is the best way for us to be transparent.”

“By taking away our choice and hiding your truth?” Garrett argued through gritted teeth.

“By showing her rather than telling,” the other man pressed with similar roughness. “It’s harder to deny reality when it’s right in front of you. ‘Actions speak louder than words,’ or so you humans say.”

“‘You humans!?’” the Wainscots scoffed, his tone turning them sour.

“Forgive him,” the glamorous gal apologized on her husband’s behalf. “Hailey may be an

honorable guest invited to our event, but tonight is one for him to be in the spotlight, and it’s getting to him.” An almost inaudible growl came out from outside the screen, perhaps insinuating another rift between the couple. Retreating footsteps soon followed. “That being said,” she resumed, now alone, “he and I hope that you all and we can, one day, meet at the gates of friendship.”

The counselor level commentary was uncalled for, but Brooke was curious enough to bite at the lure for elucidation. “Meaning we’re currently…?”

“Conversing via a bred parcel bird, and I assume the gifts of thanks ours brought you do suffice for now?”

A look of consideration rose from Brooke’s eyes toward Garrett’s above hers. As much bribery with hints of blackmail this ongoing charade was, all for Hailey to be a plus-one for some boy, they would be dumb to pass on free funding.

“I… suppose,” Garrett gave in, catching Brooke’s drift, “and we’re to expect more within the day?”

“All goes well at the gala and between our babies, and you’ll find more than that,” the matron promised fruitily. “We’re fortunate to be in a position to give our surplus toward better use and greater rapport with you.”

Brooke was ready to end the conversation at that. As much as she wanted to see Hailey arrive at the spot, proving her safety in transit, she knew she wouldn’t handle seeing it in real-time. Pregnancy already pulled so much energy out of her. Her now two oldest children being out of her hands was anxiety-inducing. Dillon’s present in confidentiality was terrible, and his future was never guaranteed to be sunshine and daisies. Hailey’s advent, meanwhile, despite its pledges of protection and pleasure, looked much grimmer in her mother’s eyes, but it was too far in progress to be reversed now.

And, so, she could only hope for the best, wishing her well, struggling to calm her own pulse.

A pinch of insecurity bubbled through Brooke as she wasn’t so deep in herself to not notice the other woman’s allure. But it only took the money – the actual appearance of metal coins about as wide as the dame’s glazed fingertips on screen – for such thoughts to vanish.

It was all for the bag, and what a priceless bag it was.

Coins like those had become such frequent additions to the Wainscot fortune in the recent months. Those handheld coins on display probably would, too, sooner or later. Much time was spent with them, but they, themselves, were never expended. It would’ve been impossible without raising a barrage of red flags.

The systems the Wainscots knew had their unique ways with customs and currencies, depending on who was making the transactions. Usually, the exchange rates were easy to come by, as frustrating as they were to do just to get a subpar product. However, the new acquaintances were at such an extreme echelon for so many reasons that there wasn’t a rate. There literally was no calculatable price to put on the offering, and they all knew it. Yet, they were the best trade – well, the least degrading barter conjectured – and Brooke and Garrett immediately found a use for them when the deal was accepted.

The conversation transformed into a heated debate about what had and should become of the gifts, with Garrett both pressing to get more of them and reluctantly thanking their givers simultaneously. The plating and gildings that decorated the bunker so far weren’t there a season ago. More test cases for the once-canceled experiments were added. The lumps and chips in their wedding rings were smoothed, refilled, and shined.

New plans for another graduation gift for Hailey had been made. A new mold to upgrade her namesake tools of the trade was forged not long ago, and the casting for it may have been getting made at that moment. Through a one-way peephole, Brooke saw her younglings still in the yard, following through with much of the drama popping off in the background.

Addy, despite her attitude being as bouncy as her and her mother’s hair, wasn’t a girl of many words. But she had many an interest, many of which only Hailey and Tuck seemed to get out of her. For once, Tuck had the upper hand over all his older siblings, able to give her insights that no one else dared to and that Hailey couldn’t yet do. He tucked his sister next to him as they gazed into a telescope together. The attachment on its lens looked MacGyvered as all hell, especially with it pointed at superficially nothing important. But he knew that wasn’t the case.

Tuck knew, and Addy would learn soon from his teachings. Brooke, not wanting him to do so but choosing not to stop him, lurched but knew. Having ignited a dispute, Garrett obviously knew. Dill even knew a bit but had more than enough distractions to render him to forget. Hailey would know more than any of them before the day was over.

Fitz, all the while, sat alone, enjoying his time as the most knowledgeable child while he could. Partially from his parents’ aggravation and partially from general interest and natural skill, he was the chosen soul to make Hailey’s enhancement into a reality. With the modulated voices of both Hailey’s date and his, from the Wainscot parents’ point-of-view, ever domineering dad coming in headphones over some ambient but obviously exotic music, Fitz followed their instructions on how to forge their presented metals to a T.

The scene was tranquil, but Brooke never soothed her nerves while viewing it. Her husband maintaining an argument with their associates didn’t help, but that wasn’t why. Even if relations were placid, there would always be a cloud of danger over them. The constant badgering from the feds they already had would just increase if this got out.

The Wainscots had enough supply to combat any quarry, cave, or army on the planet, and they were only going to get more to use and peruse. The youngest pair used some to look again at a dot in the sky cited nowhere on the internet from whence it came. The middle child had to stay focused to not near-fatally harm himself once again from the metals melting with the same, outlandish glow as that once-hidden dot.

All of it from another world and those who lived on it. All of it their makers’ and Their inconsequential slivers and shavings to be thrown away. All of them half as tall as their new recipients, having made dents and the occasional ravine in the ground when they were first nonchalantly and literally dropped off. All of them with profiles of people’s portraits and symbols etched on them as large as their own heads.

Monies poured from fingertips that looked like theirs but rivaled the firmament in magnitude. Brooke’s baby’s presence was traded for them – for Them – was being transacted to Them currently as she breathed.

Barely.

“Stars above,” she radiated to the heavens with one hand on her belly and the other on her heart, “see Rosebud through.”

[taronfanfic]

First

That smile. That heart-melting, pulse raising, god-damn cute smile. It accompanied his infectious laugh and had you swooning and giggling at the same time. Fuck, were you in deep. Crushes had come and gone in the past, never materialising into much. The occasional drunken kiss or first date that ended up petering back into friendship and nothing more was as exciting as your love life had ever been. You were alright with that though. You knew your time would come. You knew your one would show up eventually; and as your attention hadn’t faltered from Taron all night, it felt like your one might be sitting opposite you.

He was a friend of a friend, introduced to you a few months back through a coincidental meeting in the same pub one night. You couldn’t fail to notice his good looks and they’d initially made you shy. It was the fear of drooling over him too obviously. You were convinced that he’d get advances from women on a daily basis, and therefore be able to see it written all over your face before you’d even clocked it was happening yourself. Just the thought was mortifying enough. So you played it cool and told yourself that he was so far out of your league that it wasn’t even worth attempting.

The friendship between you formed easily and very quickly. He was on your level in every single way. In the first few weeks of meeting him you’d stayed out with him when the others had gone home. You’d had long deep chats on a park bench beneath the night sky and told each other things you’d never dared to share before. You’d told him you were still a virgin and he didn’t hesitate with his reply, telling you that your time would come soon and that he wished he’d waited because his first attempt was ‘fucking awful and over in less than 3 minutes.’. You laughed together. He’d laugh at all your jokes and then make little in jokes with you that flew over the heads of your other friends.  He’d text you stupid things at random times but also call you up when he needed to vent his stress. You felt like his go-to person and you loved it. You were pretty sure you loved him.

Telling him how you felt became top priority on your to-do list for a good month. Every time you knew you’d be seeing him you’d gear yourself up to pull him to one side and just say it, but every time you’d hesitate and wait for the next opportunity. It kind of happened when you’d got really drunk at a house party. You’d hugged him and slurred out an ‘I like you.’ with what you’d hoped was a loving look but he only ever smiled and said ‘I know.’ You remember trying to kiss him that night too and receiving his cheek instead of his lips, but decided to deny all knowledge of it ever happening the next morning in an attempt to save face.

Ever since that night though, his texts became more flirty. More kisses appeared at the end of them. When you saw him he’d hug you that bit longer and tighter and leave a soft kiss to your cheek. You felt his eyes on you more often and when you’d look back to him he wouldn’t look away, just flash you his cheeky grin and it made your heart summersault in your chest. You were sure he knew how you felt, and you were almost certain that he felt something back. But nothing more ever happened. For weeks. So as you sat opposite him in the same pub where you’d first met you knew you had to take matters into your own hands.

“Do you fancy-”

“Yes.” He replied before you’d even asked.

“You don’t even know what I was going to ask!”

“Oh, but what if I do?” He teased with raised eyebrows. “I can usually finish your sentences off for you.”

“True. But I’m not so sure on this one…” You teased back and left him waiting whilst you took a sip of your gin and tonic. “If you knew, and your answer was still yes, I think it’d have happened long before tonight.” The pout of confusion that formed on Taron’s face looked so kissable. It was tempting and the feelings it stirred in you gave you the confidence to continue what you’d just started. “Any ideas?”

“Not any more…” He leant in closer to you across the small table with complete intrigue and you took your chance, slowly inching closer to his face. As your eyes dropped down to his lips you noticed his slight pout moving into a soft smile as he knew what was coming. You took it slow and savoured the feel of his lips against yours, noticing the pressure that he reciprocated before pulling away and seeing that bloody smile again. Fuck, you wanted more of that.

“What was it you were saying again?” He laughed softly and exaggerated his flustered state. “Do I fancy you?” You bit your lip in anticipation, knowing that wasn’t what you were going to ask but letting him go with it anyway. “The answer is still yes. I think it’d be yes to pretty much anything as long as you’re involved.”

“Well that sounds promising because it wasn’t the exact question I had in mind.”

“No?”

“It wasn’t far off… but it’s safe to say we both know we fancy each other, so.”

“So…”

“So, how long has this been going on for now without there actually being anything going on?”

“…A while.” Suddenly he was coy.

“Exactly, I was starting to think you’d never make a move on me.”

“I was waiting for you to make the first move!” He admitted. “But that kiss was definitely worth waiting for.”  

“So, going back to my initial question. Do you fancy… coming back to mine for the night?” You wanted to hold his eye contact, you knew you should have held his eye contact, but your nerves got the better of you and left you watching the ice swirl around in your glass as you spun it between your fingertips.

“What, you mean… like?”

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.” You blushed as you took his response to be a no.

“No, I mean yes! But… I didn’t think, well I don’t want you to feel like you have to, y’know. Not tonight anyway.”

“Is that why you were waiting for me to make the first move?”

“I didn’t want to put pressure on you. Things between us have been so great and I didn’t want to fuck it up by suggesting we try anything more. I’d rather we could be us without any of that than go down that path and ruin it all.”

“I don’t think it’ll ruin anything.” You finally looked back to his eyes and felt the tension drop from your shoulders.

“I want you to be sure. We can take it slow.” He smiled gently but you shook your head.

“I want this. I want it to be you. You know how long I’ve waited so please don’t make me wait any longer.”

“Well shit.” He swallowed and shuffled around in his chair. “I did not see this coming tonight.”

“Might get to see each other coming instead.” You couldn’t resist bringing the tone back to it’s usual level and Taron laughed along with you.

“Only might?”

“Well I’m not saying you’ve got tough competition, but this one’s never let me down yet.” You raised your hand up and Taron was quick to take hold of it as he stood up and led you out the door of the pub.

“Just you wait!”

 Request: The reader meets Taron and they become good friends, but she falls for him. She's a virgin in her late 20's (by choice, and not ashamed of it) and wants him to be her 1st, so she hints at him about her feelings, whitout receiving a clear answer. Time passes, and tired of him showing interest but not doing anything about it; she takes things in her own hands. Turns out he likes her back but didn't want for her to feel pushed.

[nadziejastar]

Xemnas: You seek answers. I can give you purpose.

Roxas: Roxas.

Xemnas: That is right–the new you.

Axel: Man, I miss the old times. Still got it memorized? The day we met, when you got your new name, you and I sat right here, just like this and watched the sunset.

Oh, I definitely think that KH3 destroyed EVERYTHING that was set up for BOTH Lea and Isa regarding the future games. I’m sure Nomura was heartbroken when he had to write KH3′s awful script. I know he’s capable of FAR better than that. He still tried to hint at what he wanted between them, and they probably will ALWAYS come across like they’re closeted. When Saïx showed up at the clock tower, I still think Axel acted like someone who was seeing an ex who broke their heart that they still had feelings for. But that requires reading between the lines. I don’t think there’s any coming back from it, no.

Xemnas: As your flesh bears the sigil, so your name shall be known as that…of a recusant.

If Lea had at least cared enough to save Isa and restore his REAL personality, then I would be more optimistic about the future of his character. But the dude that was left over in KH3 was not the same Isa that was in BBS. You can’t even blame it on him having no heart or being Norted anymore since they backpedaled on that idea. He had no excuse for his time as a villain. But that was supposed to be what Isa’s whole character was about. He lost his true purpose. Xemnas branded him with the Recusant’s Sigil and brainwashed him to have a new purpose: becoming stronger.

Naminé watched the Replica battle Sora in the crystal ball.

“Does it hurt, Naminé? Watching your two childhood friends fight all because of you? You have my sympathies,” Axel said quietly. “From the heart.”

His words were meant for the Replica. Not for her.

Axel was hinted to have a very dark and tragic past. It was supposed to be the backbone of his entire character. In the novel, you can see that when Axel said this to Naminé, it happened on the same day Roxas officially decided to call Xion his friend and treated her to the icing on the cake. He made her a promise that they would all eat ice cream together when Axel got back. This is just after he found the WINNER stick. Xion said they must be really close.

Xion: We don’t have any place to run.

Roxas: I know. Heh, I was just thinking out loud.

Axel: Well, even if things change, we’ll never be apart–

Xion: As long as we remember each other…right? Don’t worry, Axel–we got your hokey speech memorized.

Axel: Just checking.

Xion: I’ll have these moments memorized for a long time. Forever, I hope.

She also says that on Day 352 ~Sunset~, the last time they all ate ice cream together. Roxas and Xion almost killed each other and Axel’s calm reaction speaks volumes. He was smiling and urged everyone to go get ice cream, like that was the most natural thing in the world to do when someone was about to die. Instead of panicking, he coped by doing fun childish things like eating ice cream and talking about looking for a WINNER stick.

Axel: Hey, Roxas. Bet you don’t know why the sun sets red. You see, light is made up of lots of colors. And out of all those colors, red is the one that travels the farthest.

Roxas: Like I asked! Know-it-all. Seriously, where is she?

Axel: Roxas… I’m not sure she’s gonna show today.

It’s because he’d already been though that experience before. Roxas and Xion’s fate from the very beginning was to fight to the death. And there are countless hints in the story that Lea and Isa were in the same situation. One of them was going to die. They knew they didn’t have much time left to be together.  

Roxas: Where did I think I could go? What a joke.

Xion: Roxas…I’m out of time. Even if I’m not ready…I have to make this choice. You have poured so many memories into me…given me so much…that I feel like I’m about to overflow. Look at me, Roxas. Who do you see? If you see somebody else’s face…a boy’s face…then that means I’m almost ready. This puppet will have to play her part. Roxas… This is him. It’s Sora.

The whole point of RAX was that Roxas and Xion’s relationship was playing out exactly like Lea and Isa’s did in the past. They were once inseparable. Roxas and Xion are just like how they used to be. But now one of them will have to kill the other and there’s nothing they can do about it. It was déjà vu the entire year for Axel. I suspect that is probably the true meaning of “358/2 Days”. His actions were always influenced by that prior history, which he kept a secret.

Axel: How did this happen?

Saïx: Xion is no more.

Xemnas: It is probably for the best. Get me back my Keyblade wielder. Fetch me Roxas.

Regarding casual fans, I think they are a big reason why Isa got destroyed. KH3 was written primarily for casual fans. And casual fans never cared about Isa. Most didn’t even knew who he was. Some thought Isa playfully teasing Lea was supposed to show that he was always evil, even as a kid. 🙄 The whole idea that Axel cared very deeply for Isa and that he had changed went right over their heads. So yeah, Isa was simply not a priority and I don’t see that changing in the future.

Day 357: To My Best Friend

Roxas left. It’s so like him to just leave that WINNER ice cream stick behind. Come tomorrow, I’ll probably get the order to hunt him down, but leaving that here makes it feel so permanent. I wish the three of us—three? No. That the two of us could share some ice cream again someday. That’s what it is to be friends.

Not to mention that casual fans are obsessed with Roxas, and that’s why Axel was obsessed with him and forgot about Isa. TBH, I never thought Roxas and Axel’s friendship was very interesting, even in KH2. When I first played Days, I actually found it to be rather dull. A grown man with a troubled past befriends a naive kid. He constantly lies to him to shelter him from the harsh realities of life. He avoids talking about his past or anything too heavy with him at all times. Okay, that’s fine. But I’m supposed to accept that they are inseparable BFF’s who are SOOO close that seeing Roxas is the only thing that gives Axel’s existence meaning? And I’m supposed to find that cute? I’m sorry, it’s not. It’s weird. It wasn’t until I played BBS that I saw their relationship differently. Then I actually liked how it was portrayed and Axel became my favorite character.

Axel: Look who’s finally awake.

Roxas: Axel...

Axel: Or…maybe I have it wrong. Might be time to sleep. Soon we won’t be able to talk like this anymore.

Roxas: Does that mean it’s time for me to go back to where I belong?

Because I realized that Axel’s relationship with Roxas and Xion was an attempt to “fix” his broken relationship with Isa. And that made him a million times more interesting and relatable. I think Lea has been ruined beyond repair just like Isa has. KH3 watered him down so much that I can’t even really say that I like him anymore, or that I am looking forward to his future appearances. He lowkey sucks now. I actually don’t think his character is very interesting without Isa. And I don’t think the direction they took with him will even appeal to casual fans. All the casual fans I know said he sucked in KH3. Not only was he was sidelined during his fight, he lacked that mysterious and edgy quality that made him so popular. His past now revolves around a random girl. 

Axel: Man, I miss the old times. Still got it memorized? The day we met, when you got your new name, you and I sat right here and watched the sunset.

Roxas: Yeah. This place is home. Me… Hayner, Pence, Olette…We’ve shared a lot of adventures.

Axel: You’ll see them again. I know you will.

Roxas: Yeah, you’re right. Well, I should go. Sora’s waiting for me.

Axel: Yeah, I suppose he is.

Why did Saïx show up at the clock tower and know exactly why Axel had three ice creams? When Axel said he would drag Saïx back home, why did Saïx intently stare at his popsicle stick, immediately mention that Axel’s tear marks were gone, then stand up like Xion did when she said she was out of time? Why did Saïx know that the tear marks were because Axel was crying so much? I doubt any of this will be explained, but it’s probably because he remembers Lea crying for him. Isa’s time was almost up. They spent their last day together eating ice cream, watching the sunset, and Isa told Lea why the sunset was red. Lea was heartbroken and crying when they said “See ya”, promising to meet each other again in the next life.

Like we promised to meet again in the next life. We’ll make another promise. “See you, partner,” said Axel. Roxas gave him one last smile and vanished into the air. Moments later, Axel did the same.

Isa’s whole character was created for Lea to awaken his Keyblade. Lea had something important to recover that was lost. He treasured Isa. Axel’s memories of Isa were very precious to him. When Axel was asked what he couldn’t bear to lose, he didn’t say his relationship with Saïx. He said his memories of the past because that’s all he had to remember the pain of losing something. I don’t see how Isa’s character could possibly be salvaged when he wasn’t even saved with the power of waking. When his redemption consisted of bringing back Roxas and Xion instead of revealing that Isa sacrificed himself for Lea. And without showing that Lea loved Isa. When you change the background of a character THAT much, you are pushing the reset button. Lea and Isa might as well be new characters at this point.

Sora, Riku… Please come home. We’re waiting for you here at the blue sea, under the clear sky. If this wish reaches you… If you’re somewhere out there under the same sky… I want you to know. We’re waiting for you. And we’ll keep waiting.

She could hear the soft rushing of the waves. Kairi thought back to that day when she’d written a letter to the boy she couldn’t quite remember. She’d believed that letter would begin something. Why had she thought that? It was someone she’d seen in a dream. It must have been Sora—no, Roxas?

“It starts with an S!”

“Starts with an S…,” Kairi murmured. “Sora.” We made a promise. I know we did.

They changed the wording of Kairi’s letter to emphasize that she had been waiting for Sora and Riku. When Axel said they’d meet again in the next life, Roxas said he’d be waiting. The secret ending of Re:Coded is called “Destiny”. Braig asked Young Xehanort who he should bring with him. It cut off, so the only thing we heard was that the name started with an “S”. KH3D had already been released, so everyone knew Isa was the one Braig had taken with him and that the name he said must have been Saïx. So why make that the secret ending?

A promise… We’ll meet again…in the next life. We did say that. I remember. I remember our promise.

I think that the whole secret ending of KH2.5 was devoted to this promise. Lea began his next life in the lab after also seeing Roxas in a dream and being reminded of a promise he made to someone he couldn’t remember. Then Lea said he’d bring Isa back while looking at “Door to Darkness” written on the wall. If Lea had gone through the Door to Darkness before, then how did he find HIS Door to Light?

[goron-king-darunia]

Annon-Guy: Thank you for your words and opinions. Which leads me to ask a curious thing? How come you and Kage think Richter is gay for Emil and Aster? Was it shown in Richter and Aster's Novel. Also, did Marta spread rumors about Alice in Alice's novel on purpose or was that an indirect thing of her end? Because it looks like Alice bullies Marta quite a bit. I think it's messed up to kill Marta just because she used to be weak and for being overdependant originally on Emil/Ratatosk and Brute.

It’s subtext, mostly. In Onshuu no Richter and the main game (I haven’t read the novels because I can’t read Japanese) Richter has, at the very least, a REALLY strong bond with Aster and seems very fond of Emil in the same respects. It’s possible to interpret this affection as brotherly love or platonic friendship, but the fact that he considers Rilena his friend and is not that close to her (he couldn’t even tell her Aster was murdered, only that Aster was killed) suggests that his relationship with Rilena is closer to what constitutes friendship by his metric and his relationship to Aster is different from that. He reveres Aster, taking what he said about courage to heart and using it as a motto. He has been shown blushing on very few occasions and those occasions are ONLY around Emil in the game and Aster in the manga. He’s shyer around Emil and very hesitant to get angry with him but is quick to snap at Aster but then instantly forgive him, suggesting that he wishes he had been kinder and more patient with Aster when he was alive, EVEN THOUGH he was already very kind and patient. Richter is also shown crying ONLY ONCE and it’s in the manga when Aster dies. Men, in general, cry less than women for two reasons. Firstly, they are socialized to cry less because tears aren’t considered masculine. Secondly, men have lower levels of prolactin, a hormone found in emotional tears (as opposed to reflexive tears like to keep your eyes moist and flush out dust or foreign material.) This is why it takes a lot more for men to cry. Richter keeps his emotions pretty well hidden so for him to cry visible tears suggests Aster’s death was, effectively, the worst thing we ever see happen to him. He doesn’t even cry when he realizes he’s responsible for the deaths of many in Palmacosta, even though he’s clearly upset about it. So he isn’t crying because someone died or that he feels responsible. He’s crying because he cared DEEPLY for Aster and he thinks Aster didn’t deserve to die. He also mentions in the game that “Aster was also innocent” as a way to justify the fact that he intends to take Marta’s life despite the fact that she’s not his real target. Clearly he thinks VERY positively about Aster. And we see him display the same amount of affection toward Emil. I think the love he showed for Aster was romantic, based on the fact that he, Aster, and Rilena were supposed to be mutual friends, but when Aster dies, Richter doesn’t go to her for support, doesn’t reciprocate Aqua’s obvious affections, and DOESN’T give up on trying to get Aster back, even when his plans go awry and even when he concludes Aster would be UPSET with him for doing everything he did to try to bring him back to life. And because I see this as a sign of romantic love, the affection he shows for Emil seems to be similar enough that I think it was also romantic. TL;DR, I think, based on the interactions in the game, we can see how Richter behaves with people he considers friends (Rilena/Aqua) and conclude that the affection shown to Emil and Aster is at least different from the affection he gives friends, and I have reason to believe that the fact that he blushes around both boys and cried over Aster’s death is enough to demonstrate that the love was romantic in nature. THAT BEING SAID. Mithos was shown to do nearly the exact same things for his sister, so the love Richter had for Aster (and by extension, Emil) could very well be BROTHERLY as opposed to romantic.  Curiously, if we look at deleted dialogue for the final battle with Richter, there are lines specific to an impossible scenario where you could have Genis or Raine in your party where he expresses that while he’d rather not fight other half-elves, it won’t stop him from fighting them to ensure he can fulfill his contract with the Demons to revive Aster. This is, again, more evidence that Richter cares for Aster more than he cares for the wellbeing of others like him, and also suggests that Richter ascribes to a form of tribalism where he values his connection with other half-elves, even ones he considers enemies. He just doesn’t value that connection more than Aster. Which I think speaks a lot to where his priorities lie. As someone who was a virtual prisoner at Sybak, he came to value a human more than people who suffered with him and supported him while he was at probably his lowest point in life. Aster takes precedence over everything else in his life. This is also shown in Tales of The Rays as Aster is outright said to be Richter’s ‘most important person.’ Richter values Aster and his safety over basically EVERYTHING ELSE in the world. So whether you interpret the love as fraternal, platonic, or romantic, it’s very clear that THE LOVE IS THERE. I just happen to interpret it as romantic because I feel like, considering the choices Richter has in potential romantic partners, the fact that he chooses Aster above Aqua who would do ANYTHING for him says a lot about what he thinks of Aster. And the potential for that to eventually extend to Emil is VERY clear in the context of the game and Manga. As for Alice and Marta, as I said, I haven’t really read the novels, but I think Marta didn’t actually think about the consequences of spreading those rumors. She doesn’t seem like she would do it maliciously, but I don’t necessarily think it was accidental either. She probably thought she was doing the right thing, but I’d need a bit more context to say definitively. I also think Alice’s bullying of Marta is definitely unreasonable because I think any form of bullying is expressly for power and I think pursuit of social power just to have it is pretty crappy. That being said, it’s in line with her character. She desires power over all others because she was treated cruelly as a child. With power comes control, and with control comes the potential to acquire more power. And when you have enough of that power, you can determine what outcomes you get in certain situations. You can manipulate people to do what you want. And that’s what Alice craves. Because as an orphan she had no choice in anything that happened to her. And that can screw you over massively. And it did. And she became completely unreasonable. Because what she experienced as a kid was also unreasonable, and she can’t envision a world that works in a way contrary to what she experienced as a kid. So when she grew up in unreasonably cruel circumstances, she became just as unreasonably cruel once she was able to grab the smallest ounce of power for herself. Much like Flowey from Undertale, Alice lives in a world where (according to her) everyone lives by the maxim “kill or be killed”, “bully or be bullied” She treats others cruelly because in her mind, if she didn’t, they would treat her cruelly the first chance they got. Which probably makes Marta particularly alarming to her because Marta’s probably one of very few people who would be capable of forgiving Alice for these sorts of things, and that’s a threat to Alice’s worldview. People aren’t just nice for no reason when you think like Alice.  Hope that all makes sense. XD I tend to really just brain-barf all over when I get really into these things.

[theevershipping]

Most Sensible Voltron End Game Ships:

Note: this doesn't mean I don't LIKE other ships, but logically, given that Voltron is a CHILDREN'S CARTOON, these ones make the most sense story-telling wise. Here's why.

Hunk/Romelle:

I start here because I think this will likely be the least controversial. They set up in the first ep of S7 that Romelle and Hunk clearly think alike. They also set up that even though Lance is attracted to Romelle initially, she soon actually annoys him. On the other hand Hunk finds Romelle's thought processes to be so like his own that he acts she's like his own personal God-send ("It's like, I think it, you say it!") Likewise, Romelle seems to rather enjoy her interactions with Hunk, and the way he supports her curiousity. For once Hunk gets to be the one "in the know", and Romelle likes and appreciates the way that he interacts with her.

I know there's a lot of talk about doing right by an LGBTQ+ rep character, but I think the "Nice guy who's really smart and awesome but happens to not be conventionally attractive" rep deserves to get an attractive girl who he really does genuinely like and connect with and who genuinely likes, connects with, and respects him.

Lance/Pidge:

Although we are all understandably wary of trusting anything the writers say at this point, they have pretty much said that they do have an end game for Lance and it's not Allura. While I'd personally love to see a Klance ending, it seems pretty clear that Lance and Keith are both being set up to be straight--Lance shows attraction to basically every conventionally attractive female, and Keith/Acxa is a thing (and a reasonable thing, which I will get to next). So..

Lance and Pidge: first off, Pidge constantly points out and makes fun of Lance's crush on Allura, and at times even seems annoyed by it. She definitely doesn't show any sign of caring about the romantic interests of any of the other characters. Although it's been subtle, as Pidge's priorities have clearly, and rightly, been elsewhere, there's been some hints from the beginning that she's certainly paying attention to Lance's love interests, and is maybe jealous and just covering it up by making fun of him--which is pretty age appropriate, and typical of girls with older brothers: She's more comfortable approaching him on guy level and expressing her annoyances (unconscious jealously) through teasing him and, in the process, attempting to dissuade him from said romantic pursuits.

The writer's stated that Lance would get what he NEEDS in a relationship, not what he WANTS. Pidge is not girly/feminine in an aesthetic sense (what Lance thinks he WANTS), but she's perfectly pretty--it's not like Lance wouldn't be attracted to her once he gets passed his old-school markers of attraction based purely on conventional outer symbols of femininity (I.e. If he saw Pidge a few years older and in a dress, he'd almost certainly have a different reaction to her). Pidge does have an abundance of qualities that Lance NEEDS in a partner.

Pidge and Lance balance and trust each other. They have from the very first episode of Voltron. If you think of the first episode as establishing our main and most relatable characters, we really enter the story through the trio of Lance, Pidge and Hunk. Keith and Shiro--who they are and how they're involved in what's happening--are mostly mysteries to us in the first ep. In the typical trio story set up you have the main male character, who represents ego, in story structure, and you have his two best friends, who represent his ID and Super-ego. Often the Super-Ego character is female, and the ID male. The function of the super-ego is to check, regulate and correct the impulses of the ego, which the ID often supports/supplies. The super-ego, basically, is the one who thinks things through, when the ego doesn't want to, and the ID can't. Pidge is the super-ego.

What Lance NEEDS is someone who he both implicitly trusts and who can be the things he isn't in such a way that it helps him to grow, while still having his partner see him as an equal and having respect for the qualities and strengths he has as an individual and that he contributes to the balance of the relationship.

Allurance shippers will say "Allura can be those things too!" But she can't, because she is not and never will be his equal. She is a 10,000 year old Princess from a race of people that are vastly more evolved than humans. She was raised to rule a planet and take on the burden of the universe. No matter how much she might LIKE Lance and trusts him as an ally and a friend, that quality of equality and challenge that actually attracts confident and capable women to men does not exist between Allura and Lance--which is why she was attracted to Lotor.

The contrast between how Allura reacts to Lotor and how she reacts to Lance is a great representation of what creates actual romantic attraction vs. friendship compatibility: Lotor is her equal in his own right and can challenge her to see and grow beyond her pre-conceived notions, while having enough similarities that he understands and fits into the world she comes from and will return to (that of Galatic leadership and responsibility). Allura and Lance do not have that kind of shared reality and the ability to build together as equals that comes with it.

Pidge and Lance, on the other hand, start from the same place--they're kids who were smart and capable and followed a dream, and who have taken on the unanticipated responsibilities and adventures that came as a consequence of following that dream. They constantly demonstrate that their gut instincts are aligned. They do not have fundemental differences in terms of values and unconscious life expectations, and those things matter when you're talking endgame, because endgame means when two people are grown ups and they have kids and grow old together--that real life stuff.

Allura and Lance might have a minor romantic arch, in fact I suspect they will, because they will need to in order for all both Allura and Lance to fully realize they're not compatible. This will also force Pidge to become conscious of her feelings for Lance. From there we can from there spring board into Pidge/Lance and back into...

Lotor/Allura:

So, I'm not at all surprised we didn't see Lotor or Haggar in Season 7. It would have been too easy. We needed the stakes to be much higher, and the only way to do that was to bring the Galra threat to Earth, which couldn't have happened with Lotor as Emporer, or even with Haggar in charge--she's a much bigger schemer than just blindly chasing those lions across the galaxy like all those dumb male Galra meatheads want to do. Also, it gives her time to realisticly retrieve Lotor, fix him physically, and in the process develop some sort of relationship that would lead to them trusting each other enough to come back (allegedly) on the same side in S8.

I don't want to speculate on the plot of S8, and I won't. But I think that plot stuff aside, Lotor has to come back for the sake of Allura's character development.

ALLURA IS A RACIST. She is not malicious (just like most racists aren't malicious). But she seriously discriminates against the Galra just for them being Galra. She has a reason, no one can deny that--Just like someone who gets beat up by a gang of white guys has a reason to be wary of groups of white men, and they might take the trauma of the experience to the degree that they unconsciously start to demonize white men as a group... The trauma creates predudice because the brain is looking for a way to protect you from the trauma that just occurred. So it notes visual markers associated with the trauma, and when it later sees those markers it gets triggered into a state of flight/fight in order to (ideally) prevent you from reexperiencing the trauma associated with those physical markers. It's an evolutionary imperative--it's why we all jump across the room when we see a spider. But this primal imperative does lead to discrimination against groups of people. In my example, being fearful of groups of white men after being the victim of a gang beating is understandable, but is still a PREJUDICE based on their physical likeness to individuals who committed terrible acts, when in reality those physical traits have nothing to do with the terrible act.

It seemed like Allura was making progress with her predudices because of her relationship with Lotor, but Lotor is half Altean. He had to prove to her several times that he was "civilized" and even more knowledgeable about aspects of Altea than her. She fell in love with the Altean part of him. The literal second that she was given reason (by an ALTEAN stranger) to believe that he'd done something terrible and “GALRAN”, she instantly jumped to betraying him without even listening to his side of the story. This act proves that she didn't ever actually consciously see and acknowledge her predjudice and the irrational assumptions it causes her to make, she just was able to temporarily over look the Galran in Lotor for the Altean. So, Allura still has some major self realization to do in this department.

Next, the rash actions of the Paladins destroyed what could have been peace in the universe. Lotor gave them the option pretty much up until the end to stop and think things through even after they betrayed and attacked him. But at the end of S6 it's pretty clear it's Allura calling the shots on whether or not the team listens to Lotor or fights him. And we all know what happens:

She lets her emotions win. She prioritizes her anger--at herself for trusting a Galra--and she completely fails to care about (and likely think through) the bigger picture. Rather than realizing that the new emperor of a civilization that has been systematically enslaving the Galaxy for 10,000 years is trying to give agency back to planets, to create peace, harmony and a universe that works together to fulfill the needs of the whole, she doesn't even listen to him, she just attacks. With Lotor gone, of course the empire will fall and divide to the various generals of power. If Team Voltron had stopped and thought for 5 seconds about that they maybe would have realized that leaving Lotor in that rift was the most selfish and childish thing they ever could have done, humanitarian principles aside even. How many more worlds besides Earth suffered and will suffer for ALLURA'S emotional reactions that stem most deeply from PREJUDICE?

To be clear:

ALLURA believed the word of an ALTEAN she did not know, over the HALF-GALRAN she had fallen in love with, all because she FEARED she was wrong to trust someone with GALRAN blood: "You're more like Zarkon than I could ever have imagined," she tells Lotor. NOT "You're more like Honerva (AN ALTEAN) who began this whole mess by experimenting on quintessence and what happened when one combines it with their own life force and then became so addicted to it that she went crazy and enabled terrible things to happen to innocent peoples and planets." Nope. Even though in all honesty that comparison would have been more accurate, it didn't occur to Allura to accuse Lotor of being corrupt like his ALTEAN mother. What she says to him is essentially, "You're corrupt (and thus more) like your GALRAN father."

So, in order for Allura to grow into someone who is actually mature and responsible enough to lead the Voltron Colition and bring peace to the Galaxy, she's going to have to see the serious error in her actions, and the root prejudice that actually lead to them. And Lotor will be the one to make her see it.

From the moment the Paladins take Lotor prisoner he points out that Allura is discriminating against him based on species and parentage. It's pretty clear that this is set up to be their arch--Both of them are deeply flawed and magnificently gifted individuals who were born and raised to rule worlds, if not whole galaxies. They both have let their personal fears and flaws get in the way of what they could achieve together. In Allura's case the fatal flaw is predudice. In Lotor's it is lack of trust. He should have told her about the Altean colonies, but, rationally feared that he couldn't trust her to hear him out--irony being, if he'd brought it up privately and volunteered the info she probably would have reacted differently. However, Lotor has never had anyone he's trusted or who has trusted him, so he doesn't know that is how trust works. 😢

These two are designed to point out each other's flaws, and help them to correct them (not to make up for them, but to truly help each other change as people by, essentially, calling each other on their shit.) When they do that--Allura facing her racism; Lotor facing his lack of knowing how to actually trust someone fully--then the fatal flaws that lead to the ending of S6 (and the subsequent inter-galactic crisis that the simultaneous betrayal of these two baby-rulers, has caused) will be obliterated, the fatal flaws cured. Allura and Lotor will then be capable of resuming creating the new era of peace they were attempting before, but this time they will succeed because they will have learned to have real transparency/trust, rather than letting their unconscious fears be reasons to mistrust each other when they need to trust each other the most.

Lotura is a ship that is about real equality combined with real consciousness of self and other in relationships. Neither will be able to mature as characters until they see the flaws in Self that their initial (immature) love brought out in each other; the completion of the circle is then conscious change from seeing these flaws, and then forgiving themselves and each other for them. Only then can they can move into a mature love, which will allow them to bring out the best in each other without being blind to the flaws in each other and themselves.

Real love is seeing and dealing with both the good and bad, not ignoring one in favor of the other (this always backfires, as Lotura's first arch demonstrates). And that is a super valuable relationship lesson, that, in a show for kids, is profound and important. Love is seeing and accepting all of your partner and working together to change the things that need to be changed--not getting mad at each other, refusing to listen to what your partner has to say, deflecting with things like "your just like your dad," and subsequent retaliations that take the couple further away from the real issue, like Lotor does when Allura finally hits his weak spot and his basic response is "oh yeah, well your dad sucked too!" And from there it's all just them both being so hurt that reason is lost. That is the state of immature love.

Lotor and Allura are the only two characters who are each other's equals. They are the only two who can call each other on their shit effectively and who can help the other to change and grow. Their arch is about learning how to do that consciously and maturely. How to trust instead of doubt. How to see through the limitations of ego fears (Allura's prejudice, Lotor's not knowing how to trust) and to consciously choose loyalty to each other and to a fully shared vision. Without doing so, neither of these characters can transform from being in their immature Prince/Princess state to being ready for the mature King/Queen state.

Okay, Next...

Keith/Acxa:

I keep seeing posts where people are saying that this came out of nowhere... frankly, you all need to go back and rewatch the series. Keith and Acxa first meet in season 2 inside the guts of a Weblum. Even though it's clear to them from the start that they're on opposite sides of a war (thank you space suits) they still work together to survive and don't abandon each other even when it might benefit them to do so--they demonstrate immediately that they have a similar honor code/value system.

Every time these two encounter each other, despite remaining on opposite sides, they always help each other in this way that shows they both are in wonder about it--they don't know why, but something, some sort of "I owe you" that can't ever seem to be repaid no matter how often they help each other, is just in affect between them. Obviously, this continues to mount in S7.

So, why can't they just be friends? Well maybe they can, but I don't think that's where this is going...

For one thing, Keith is clearly drawn to his Galran side. He wants to be with the Blades of Mamora more than Team Voltron for a long stretch of time. Then he meets his Galran mom. Keith never got along well with other humans, as is established all over S7. He does get along with all these Galrans.

Those of you who know psychology know, we pretty much always marry some variation of our parents. Keith has a Galran mom who he likes and loves a lot. Acxa fits his mommy archetype. And, she's a half-breed like him--she knows what it's like to not fully belong to any one people.

Plus, as stated and well established in canon, these two just can't help but constantly save each other. I think more than ANY ship possibility, this one is obvious, and would totally make end-game sense.

So...

Shiro/???:

On the one hand, I'd love to see everyone all happy and paired up living happily ever after, but think it completely fits all of Shiro's character development to end up alone.

S7 firmly establishes that as a person, Shiro's ambitions/dreams matter more to him than the emotional needs of his partner, Adam. That's okay, there's nothing wrong with that, but, as a personality trait, it's not going to make for a happy long term relationship. In relationships you need to be willing to sacrifice things for your partner--not everything, not all the time--but you don't have the right to make serious decisions that affect you both without giving weight to the other person's needs. Shiro makes it clear that Adam's feelings don't matter to his decision to go on the Kerberos mission. That's not good partnering.

Adam, on the other hand, demonstrates a much more partner-oriented approach. He knows this is Shiro's dream, and because he loves him, he put his own wants/fears aside to support Shiro going on his first mission. He doesn't want to stop Shiro from being happy, but, when he tells Shiro that if Shiro goes AGAIN, Adam won't be here when he gets back, he's realizing that he's got to let Shiro understand that he can't be the only one in their relationship caring about the other's feelings. Adam needs a partner who will give the relationship serious weight in serious life decisions. Shiro demonstrates through his actions that he does not value the relationship more than his ambitions.

Shiro is a great team leader, but that doesn't necessarily make him a good life partner.

So, if Shiro ends up realizing this about himself and choosing to not have a romantic partnership, there is a really valuable lesson and story line there:

In American culture there is a lot of pressure to pair up. We are taught from childhood that real happiness hinges upon being partnered--at the end of every Disney movie the princess and prince finally get to be together forever and this is how we know they will "live happily every after". But not everyone is suited to relationships--and that has nothing to do with sexuality.

Shiro is gay, but that doesn't make him intrinsically more suited to long-term relationships than being straight makes anyone suited to long term relationships.

The LGBTQ+ community seems to be offended that Shiro isn't being represented in a relationship, but honestly I think they're being done a great service--Shiro is being understood as human rather than as his sexuality. His sexuality doesn't make him who he is. Being honest with himself about whether or not long-term relationships are actually something he is built for, is important for everyone to think about, and it's maybe especially important for LGBTQ+ kids to have a role model who does think about this.

One of the dangers of being LGBTQ+ is that people unconsciously reduce you to being a label--and you are so so much more than that label. Your sexuality is just one facet of Self, just like being straight is just one facet of Self for straight people. The pressure to be in a relationship as "proof" of your "identity" is very real for young LGBTQ+ kids, and the fear of leaving a relationship once you find one is far more intense because you fear your options are limited and you might not find someone else of your sexuality/who accepts your sexual-identity. So, LGBTQ+ kids are more vulnerable to staying in relationships that they've outgrown as a result of semi-conscious societal pressure to both pair up and to "prove" their "identity", and to fear that they might not ever find another relationship.

Shiro being the rep for the LBGTQ+ community teaches kids that you can be any sexuality/sexual-identity, and it doesn't change anything else about you--it doesn't change that you're smart and skilled and capable of being a space pilot, it doesn't change that it's perfectly possible and okay for a relationship (or even long term relationships in general) to not be right for you, it doesn't change your ability to be a good team leader... it doesn't change or mean anything else about you any more than a straight person being straight does. It's a facet of Self, to be weighed against many many other facets of Self.

...All that said, if they do somehow make it canon that Adam miraculously survived and he and Shiro are end game, that could be a great character development arch too, as long as it involves Shiro acknowledging that if he's going to resume being in a relationship with Adam he has to make decisions WITH Adam, and respect that Adam's emotions and needs matter equally to his own. If Shiro isn't willing to chose the truly rational emotional well-being of his partner (I mean Adam was reasonably scared that Shiro would die in space) over his own ambitions, he's not compatible with Adam. And that's okay too.

And, lastly:

Zethrid/Ezor:

Here's another rep for the LGBTQ+ community. In contrast to Shiro's story line, which may end up with him consciously deciding that committed relationships aren't as important to him as other parts of life and is happy being alone, we are now being introduced to a relationship in which two women who have worked together for a long time are discovering happiness through exploring their romantic connection. From what we've seen in S7, it looks like Zethrid and Ezor are experiencing a deeper trust and intimacy as a result of their new relationship.

I think it's great for two characters who are largely portrayed as villains/secondary shades-of-gray characters to demonstrate to people how relationships can change your priorities. Zethrid and Ezor seem to have made each other the first priority, rather than the ever-convoluted mission. They're still in the middle of this war, but now they care most about looking out for each other, rather than prioritizing the Galra Empire or Lotor. They are finding meaning in what they've fought for through their love for each other. I think they will be taken on an arch that is the opposite of Shiro's, in which they increasingly discover that their relationship and love for each other matters more to them than the military ambitions that may have once fueled them as individuals. ❤️

In conclusion:

While I think this is clear, in case it isn't, I am not bashing on ANY ship in this post, I'm just explaining why I think these ships are the logical end game ships for good story telling.

If you are so inclined, I'd love to hear your thoughts presented in a respectful and legible manner. ❤️

Thanks for reading, I know it's a long one. 😅

[queen-of-bel]

part 3 of a series i'm doing on analyzing the desu characters

naoya | kaido | amane | gin | mari

I'll be talking about Atsuro in this post since @roomofangel-s encouraged me to write one and I was planning on writing one anyway. I'll be honest, this was a challenge. Atsuro doesn't undergo any character development throughout the game, and is pretty much the definition of "what you see is what you get". He's a very straightfoward person and is fiercely loyal to Kazuya, but that's about it.

Still, every other Devil Survivor character has their own personal motivations for their actions throughout the game, and I really found it odd that only Atsuro was the one who showed this utter lack of conviction. No matter which route Kazuya chooses, Atsuro is there for him. Atsuro has his own idea of how to end the lockdown, but he's the only person who willingly abandons their idea to immediately join Kazuya if Kazuya chooses a different idea.

(I say "immediately" because there is one character who switches sides in Overclocked, but I'll leave that for her analysis. Also, Yuzu's idea doesn't count as having a belief.)

So, Atsuro didn't show any indication of standing his ground, and really, all his character boiled down to "loyal to his best friend". Given that every other character is fleshed out, I found it hard to believe that such a major character as Atsuro is as plain as he initially appears. But after thinking about it more, I think this lack of conviction is exactly what defines Atsuro as a character.

Atsuro doesn't really lack conviction per se, but what he lacks is the confidence to stand up for what he believes in. Given everything that's presented in game about him, there's only one reason I can think of for that.

At the end of the day, Atsuro is a very lonely person, who is desperate for friendship. This desperation leaves him with a fear of abandonment, an aversion to conflict, and ultimately, he is too scared to stand up to others.

Atsuro was born to computer science researchers who moved to California when he was in grade school. They offered him the chance to come along, but he always refused, citing his poor English. Now, this was made as a passing remark, but it's actually something interesting to note. Grade school children already aren't really fluent in their native language, and they tend to be more confident in attempting to speak a second language. For a young child to be willing to separate from his parents (who are both presumably fluent in English) simply because he doesn't think he can speak the language well enough speaks volumes about his self-confidence.

He spent most of his childhood online, making friends with college students and adults as his parents were away and his friends had cram school. He says that nobody ever caught on that he was just a child, which is a good testament to how mature he is, even as a child.

Atsuro also states that while it was fun to have the anonymity of the internet, he wasn't doing it to have fun-- he was doing it because it was all he had. Again, this was made as a passing remark, but if a child thinks that all he has is the solace of internet friends and the anonymity that comes with it, then that's an indication that the child is extremely lonely in real life.

We also know that he was bullied in middle school. Thankfully it didn't go too far since Keisuke helped stand up for him, but Atsuro easily admits that without Keisuke's help, he would've been at the bullies' mercy.

So now, we can start to understand what kind of childhood Atsuro had. He was lonely and insecure, unwilling to stand up for himself, and felt most comfortable in an environment where people didn't know who he was.

This leads him to who he is now. Atsuro is very loyal to his friends, but at the expense of his own morals. This is evidenced in Naoya's seventh day, just before Kazuya summons Babel. Atsuro says that he's unsure of whether or not they're doing the right thing, but he'll always be Kazuya's friend regardless.

Now, what Atsuro has agreed to do isn't a small favor, or even a large one. Atsuro has agreed to kill YHVH. That's one hell of a commitment, and requires a strong amount of determination. The decision to stand by Kazuya goes beyond typical friend loyalty. Even Yuzu, who's obviously in love with Kazuya, backed out because she thought it was the wrong path to follow.

So, what gives? Why does Atsuro stand by Kazuya to make such an extreme decision when he doesn't believe in it?

The answer to that ties back to Atsuro's insecurities and loneliness. Kazuya is his best friend, and Atsuro treasures that more than anything else. Just to state it one more time to really understand what their friendship means to him, Atsuro would rather kill God than lose his best friend.

This isn't the only time Atsuro is willing to compromise his morals for his friends. He's demonstrated a few times that he is extremely loyal to his friends, perhaps to a fault. This is particularly evident in his relationship with Keisuke.

On the first day, when Atsuro runs into Keisuke, Keisuke runs away when he sees their death clock at 0. Kazuya tells Atsuro and Yuzu this, but Atsuro denies it, saying it isn't possible. But remember, Atsuro hadn't seen or talked to Keisuke in 2-3 years, and realistically Keisuke has changed since he was a middle school student. And yet, Atsuro was very adamant that Keisuke would never do such a thing. It's a realistic and understandable reaction, but it's important to note how Atsuro still holds Keisuke in high regard and is so loyal to someone he lost contact with years ago.

On the second day, when the Laplace email predicts that there will be over 50 casualties because of a demon invasion in Ikebukuro, he is initially extremely concerned about all of the victims, but when he realizes Keisuke is in danger his priorities change. When Yuzu points out that there are supposed to be 50 other potential casualties, Atsuro tells her to basically forget about that and focus all their efforts on saving Keisuke. From this exchange, it's clear that Atsuro prioritizes Keisuke's wellbeing over the others. He could've said to defeat the demons to save everyone, but he made a conscious decision to shove the thought of the 50 others out of his mind and only cared about saving one person-- his friend.

A small aside, Atsuro loses his temper with Keisuke after that battle, which is, interestingly enough, the only time in the game we see him willingly conflict with a friend.

On the fifth day when Kazuya confronts Keisuke about Yama, Atsuro asks Kazuya if there's any way to essentially turn a blind eye to Keisuke's actions. He doesn't want to fight his friend, and is willing to set aside their differences despite vehemently objecting to Keisuke's actions.

Of course he knows that Keisuke is in the wrong, but he's so averse to conflict that he's willing to compromise his morals and settle things with an "agree to disagree" mindset.

Atsuro has also been shown to be unwilling to stand up for himself. This is evident in his friendship with Yuzu.

I won't mince words. Yuzu is not very kind to Atsuro. Yuzu cares for Atsuro, but her teasing goes too far at times. We know that this is a habitual occurence, though, because of his (lack of) a reaction, and he tells Kaido on Naoya's eighth day that he's used to fighting with Yuzu. Atsuro never tells her to stop, though, and the most likely reason I can think of is his aversion to conflict. In his mind, it's better to have a friend who takes things too far, than to not have one at all.

Something else to consider is that Atsuro is vaguely implied to have feelings for Yuzu. At the end of Naoya's no kill route, when Yuzu and Atsuro are reading an email from Naoya, Naoya says that Kazuya will be coming home soon, and thus Atsuro's momentary dream will end.

Naoya's use of the word "momentary" means Atsuro's dream was only viable when Kazuya was gone. There's also the fact that Atsuro becomes extremely embarrassed when Yuzu asks him about it and quickly tries to change the subject. The only thing I can think of to explain this is that he has feelings for Yuzu, and hoped Yuzu would reciprocate once Kazuya is gone. Seeing as Kazuya is coming back soon, Yuzu's feelings for Kazuya won't fade, and Naoya knows that.

Again, this is a subtle event, but it would explain why Atsuro became Yuzu's gofer throughout the lockdown without complaint. If we compare Yuzu's actions around the person she likes to Atsuro's, we can see a big difference, and Atsuro's unwillingness to stand up for himself is apparent.

If Yuzu disagrees with Kazuya, she'll put aside her feelings and stand by what she believes in. She does so when Kazuya initially agrees to Naoya's plan, and even resorts to siding with the angels, who she firmly believes are selfish, to kill Kazuya if he kills any humans during Naoya's eighth day.

Compare this to Atsuro, who accepts Yuzu's teasing (which sometimes borders on verbal abuse) without standing up for himself. The closest he ever gets is telling Yuzu she's being cruel, but even then he phrases it as a nonchalant question and simply lets it go.

Everything I've cited so far is extremely subtle, but together it does show that Atsuro isn't strong enough to stand up for himself or his convictions.

He is the type to enable his friends when they make the wrong decision (Keisuke with Yama, and Kazuya during Naoya's kill route). Despite knowing it's the wrong thing to do, he still becomes a murderer if that's what Kazuya wants. He makes up excuses to himself, saying that this is the only option, but he knows that it isn't. Naoya explicitly gave Kazuya the option to convince humans that the angels are the true enemy, but Atsuro didn't fight for that option. He knew that was the right thing to do, but he didn't speak up out of fear of angering Kazuya and losing his friendship.

So now that we've established that aspect of Atsuro, I'm going to switch gears a bit and talk about another thing which defines Atsuro to me, which is his insecurities.

Atsuro is a very good programmer, and Naoya's best (and most likely only) student. There isn't really any question as to his competency, but Atsuro feels the need to bring up multiple times how good he is at programming and how he's Naoya's star student. He's not lying, so I wouldn't call it overcompensation, but he does so to reiterate in people's minds that he's an extremely accomplished programmer. But it's never good enough for him to just say that he's great at what he does. He always has to back it up with "because I'm Naoya's student". This happens so regularly that Yuzu comments how sick she is of hearing about it.

It's interesting that when Kazuya finishes that sentence for him on the fifth day, Atsuro is dumbstruck and tells Kazuya how much it means to hear that coming from him. His expression implies he wasn't expecting Kazuya to say that, which to me, says that Atsuro still thinks people doubt his abilities, despite being Naoya's apprentice.

The thing is, whenever he says that, it always feels to me like he's leaning on that as proof of his accomplishments.

Atsuro was able to decrypt Naoya's work multiple times, even when the Shomonkai couldn't even do so themselves.

This is solid evidence of Atsuro's abilities, but he never lets his work speak for itself. If he constantly has to rely on Naoya's endorsement, it shows he's always second guessing the quality of his work. He believes that people will still doubt him, despite looking at what he's accomplished, but if he has Naoya's recommendation, then he has to be good, right? Ultimately, it feels like he has no faith in his abilities, and has to rely on external praise in order to feel validated.

Atsuro comes off as a very loyal friend, and while he certainly is, I don't see it coming from genuine support of his friends. I see it stemming from a fear of abandonment, and an unwillingness to stand up for himself and his beliefs. Atsuro is loyal to a fault, resulting in him compromising or even abandoning his morals completely. So as harsh as it may sound, I think the adjective "weak" is better suited to describe Atsuro than "loyal".

[ajokeformur-ray]

(P.1) Hiii! Would you please ship me with Loki, Thranduil, Snape, Hannibal and Sherlock? (Sorry if it's too much) I'm a hetero girl, 26 years old. My biggest dream is to become a university lecturer and I'm working towards this goal, I'm currently working on my dissertation. My Hogwarts house is Slytherin and I'm proud of it (fave Hogwarts subjects include DADA, Potions, Charming). Dedicated to what I do and sometimes I tend to lose track of time when I'm doing university stuff, I can get a bit

(P.2) obsessive with this. I may look like a shy and closed person (which is true because I’m a major introvert) but I’m actually easy to approach and will always be there if someone wants to talk to me. I just need my personal space and it’s important for me that people respect this - I don’t mind being alone and sometimes I actually prefer it. I only allow myself to get emotional when I’m alone by myself because I tend to see feelings as a weakness. I would never ask for help but would always 

(P.3) give help and advice when someone needs it. My biggest problem lies within my self hate problems (I especially don’t like my looks) which make me insecure and wanting to blend in and never take the center stage. I only have few friends and I value them very much so I’m extremely loyal to them. Strengths: logical, caring, responsible, organized. Weaknesses: insecurity, pessimist, tend to worry a lot (even about insignificant details), overthinking (when it comes to decision making), 

(P.4 and last) perfectionist. Likes: books, movies, long walks, tennis, stationary, writing, daydreaming. Dislikes: snakes, deep waters, taking central stage, rude people, group projects, spelling and grammar errors in my native language. Great Shakespeare buff. Would get sarcastic but when I know you and I feel comfortable around you. It takes long time for me to open and to start sharing personal details. Even then I’d keep some things only to myself because I hate to be a bother.

Loki: I feel like, to begin with, Loki would see you as a puzzle. You have several contradictions: you won’t accept help but readily give it, you’re logical but you have insecurities (which are usually illogical in nature) and you overthink, which again is illogical. These contradictions would first intrigue the god of mischief, the maker of chaos, and as he gets to know you; unwrapping layers of your personality, he’d slowly start to fall in love with you on the basis that you’re one of the few humans he knows so completely; you’re his human in a way. Not a possessive feeling, his name for you, but it’s an affectonate way of referring to you. He admires how you know what you need and when you need it and he loves the fact that you don’t put others before yourself: if you need alone time you take it. You both have issues with self loathing but I feel like when you’re insecurities are just a bit too much, Loki would be there to help you see sense with a sarcastic yet oddly accurate statement. You’re also both quite closed off to those you don’t know very well so it’d be a very slow to get going friendship and then even longer until you’re together in a romantic sense.

Thranduil: Your dedication to your studies and the way you fall into what you’re doing, that you forget that the world exists outside of your work is something that would deeply resonate within Thranduil. He, too, has much work to do and less time to do it in. He would understand and would be supportive of your dissertation and your goals, doing what he could to get you to where you want to be. You share something in common with him in that you may appear to be unapproachable to people, but you’re there when someone needs a listening ear; this suggests empathy and you only give advice when someone needs it, whereas Thranduil freely gives it whether it was asked for or not. As such, the both of you would often be found offering counsel to others. You’re definitely close as a couple because you support each other through everything. Thranduil has some dislike for your self-hatred but he disguises that in favour of trying to help you find healthier ways of viewing yourself.

Severus: You already have a fair amount of intellectual activity in common with Severus: your House (same as mine, btw way more than you do! So, you would find a time in a day to sit down and do your own things; spending time together separately. Neither of you ever ask for help but both of you need help now and then, Severus most especially, so sometimes you do force help upon the other. It comes from a place of love, something you’re both very logical enough in, and so neither of you would be mad about it. Severus would be, a little, but he’d bite his tongue. You dislike snakes but you’re in Slytherin, something Severus finds hilarious. It’s one of the few things that makes him laugh.

Hannibal: Hannibal would definitely use his connections to make sure that your goal became a reality. He would do this out of a genuine need to see you succeed, but also because, in doing so, you will feel gratitude towards him and so you’ll be less likely to leave him and therefore, you’ll keep his secrets and he will win. He would make you take care of yourself, handing you well balanced, nutritious food. He would say things like, “food is the body what reading is to the mind” or obvious manipulations like “eat or you can’t abc”. It’d come from a place of love but also from a place of control. If he controls you, then you’ll stay. Or so he thinks. It’s Hannibal, who can say what really goes through that mind of his? Like Will once said, he can explore four different thought tracks all at the same time and picks the one which amuses him most. He would respect your boundaries, your needs, and in return would expect the absolute same - common courtesy but of course you go above and beyond for him, always for him. You dislike rude people so really, you’re almost perfect for each other (apart from you don’t share the same dietary preferences but then, few people do, so it doesn’t bother him). 

Sherlock: Ooooh, Sherlock!!! anyone who tries to get in the way of either of you getting your alone time or whatever else you need. You both find emotions to be weak but because you’re a little more in touch with your own emotions than Sherlock is, you’re there to support him as well and you know when you need a good cry, etc. You’re logical like he is but insecure, a real contradiction, and in his usual tactless way, Sherlock would use cold, hard logic to comfort you. He’d say something like, “don’t be stupid. That won’t happen.” in his normal uncaring way, with an indignant “Sherlock!” coming from John in the background to punctuate a slightly uncomfortable environment. It’s a good thing you know and love Sherlock, because you’ll need that to make sure you don’t end up killing him while you live in 221B with him. Goodness knows John came close a couple of times :D

Edward: There’s a pact between the two of you that Edward will not, under any circumstances, read your mind without your prior spoken consent plus witnesses so he can’t try and twist your words against you. When times are desperate though, he will do so without consent because you’re damaging your mind or body. When you’re really down on yourself, Edward would tense up and suddenly hiss a, “Stop that!”, his fists clenched and his teeth biting into his inner cheeks. He would do whatever he could, even if he couldn’t fix it precisely, to help you find a healthier way to view yourself, even going so far as to ask Rosalie (who I feel experiences insecurities more than the rest of the Cullens) and Carlisle (for professional advice) on what to do. You would always be his number one priority, in everything he does. You like and prefer solitude so Edward would always mindfully avoid breaking your boundaries, though sometimes his ego gets in the way and he ends up doing exactly that. He never fully understands your anger but a brief break from you while he hunts almost always clears things up for him and he would profusely apologise, his voice sounding like he would cry if he could. He’d support you in your goal and would help you with absolutely anything - he would likely use his money, his family’s money, to get you to where you need to go. He has a crappy way of showing it sometimes, but he does love you.

[seyaryminamoto]

Do you think that if Azula had been given the same benefit of a doubt as Zuko, could she have followed a similar character arc?

Similar, yes, but of course, not the same.

As is well known, Azula and Zuko are different in enough regards, and they have many experiences and personality traits that are worlds apart. So an Azula who gets opportunities to find a new life, a better one, would likely resemble Zuko in her frequent rejection of said opportunities, but for widely different reasons.

Zuko rejected Iroh’s many attempts to reach out to him because he was holding onto the image of a future that he had built for himself. It wasn’t a matter of pride, or even of morality for him, as became clear as the show progressed. He forgot all about morality often, putting that at the very back of his mind, because at many points of his Books 1 and 2 character arc, he was a “means-justify-the-ends” sort of person. So he would shut down his conscience and act, simple as that.

Azula, if given opportunities to change, would reject them just as Zuko did, but for a different reason. The main one, and first one, being: why would she want to be any different from who she is? The way she’d see it, at first (especially if it happens really early in the show), she’s on the good side. She’s on the winning team. She has to prove her father she’s the greatest asset he’s got, and she’s determined to defeat all enemies in her way. If those enemies told her to come around and join them, her initial response would likely be laughter and the most blatant refusal there could ever be.

But as Azula starts to fail, and continues to fail through the second season, there are openings that a writer could have taken advantage of to flesh out her character and her doubts. There are chances that could be taken in Book 3 too, to make her question what it really means to be a leader. There are many instances through the show that could have helped Azula rethink her ideals… but of course, we know she wasn’t meant to be that protagonic. So I figure that’s why the most Azula-centric episode they dared afford was The Beach.

Azula’s development needs something that Zuko’s didn’t really have: she’d need to have the seed of doubt planted in her differently, as she was only a witness to Ozai’s burning of his son and not his direct victim. She needs to be given solid reasons to believe that Ozai could do this to her too, and she also needs to know that turning against him doesn’t mean losing everything that matters. How to accomplish this? Through friendships with the Gaang members that start begrudging but end up being genuine, I think. If situations like the one from The Blue Spirit happened more often, such as with Azula getting stuck in the Swamp with the Gaang, or maybe caught up in misadventures in the Desert with them, there would be a solid chance for them to make her rethink her place in the Fire Nation.

Azula’s growth would also need to be different because, unlike Zuko, she needs to learn to differentiate her father and the Fire Nation. She needs to realize the Fire Lord is not his nation, a throne isn’t everything there is to ruling. She needs to stop and think about what really matters to her, the greatness of her nation or the greatness of her father. Does she want what’s best for her people, or for herself?

Brought to question these things, Azula could really undergo an important evolution that indeed, might mirror Zuko’s (I can definitely see her choosing to stay as she is at first, to stay by her father’s side, probably out of fear of change), but eventually she would come to see she had the wrong understanding of the world for a very long time.

Working a character arc like this could be a lot more effective as a redemption, in my humble opinion, but it also means there’s likely going to be a lot of people who will continue to bring up her past mistakes as unforgivable faults, regardless of whether her redemption made her accountable for everything or not. When you say someone went from bad to good, it makes the journey harder and more rewarding for some viewers, but a large number of them will still likely think that the redeemed character didn’t deserve the chance to change because they did that one thing that was so cruel that they lost all rights to be redeemed for it. Meanwhile, stating that someone was always good deep down but has been misled in life ironically makes the same people think that this other character can be forgiven for everything wrong they ever did… which leads me to wonder if they simply do not grasp the meaning of redemption arcs. If they were always oh so good, maybe it’s not a redemption.

But basically, Azula’s growth would require a deeper change of heart than Zuko’s. Iroh’s implied evolution could resemble the potential development Azula could have, despite we don’t know much about Iroh’s development. But just like Azula, Iroh was a perfectly comfortable prince who set out to tear down Ba Sing Se, and then was the subject to such painful loss that he turned his life around completely. I wouldn’t have Azula losing a child or anything (NEVER!) but just like Iroh, she needs her priorities to change drastically, and her development needs to be triggered out of wanting to help her nation, first and foremost, rather than doing it for her own sake...

So, if Azula had the same number of chances, from characters and writers alike, she could have developed and grown too and her morality compass could have been straightened out nicely. It wouldn’t be 100% the same as Zuko’s redemption, it would be something of its own, but she definitely could have been redeemed if given a chance. She has the potential for it, hands down.