#if anything happens to her it’s genuinely curtains for me

[hammerandsickbro]

my grandmother who has raised me for most of my life, who does everything for everyone even to her own detriment, who is literally the glue that holds my entire shitty family together…is still in the hospital.

she’s having complications and doctors are struggling to find the cause.

i am a fucking raging loser nobody on the internet who has absolutely no redeeming qualities, but if anyone reading this could spare even one positive thought for this woman, please do it.

[ceesimz]

Reverie - Part 2

Autistic Reader x Barça Femení - part one here

Hey, welcome back for part two :) Thank you so much for the love, this genuinely wouldn't have been posted had it not been for the reaction to the first. Again, more things I wanna mention before reading. This part includes the aftermath of a bad meltdown, but the actual meltdown part is not written in. This was a personal decision because quite honestly there is no way to sum that experience down into a few words, it's impossible. The best example I have seen of a meltdown in the media is the character of Quinni in Heartbreak High on Netflix, if you're interested then you should watch that scene in the first season. I hope you enjoy this second part, thank you for taking the time to read it, let me know what you think :)

Your first Champion’s League game for Barcelona, a group stage game against PSG at home, didn’t quite go as planned.

From the first minute of the game, things weren’t clicking out on the pitch for you. Passes to and from you weren’t connecting, you were losing duels you definitely shouldn’t and you were missing key, game-changing shots. 

Half-time came way too quickly, and to everybody’s frustration, the score was still 0-0. As everyone sat in the changing rooms receiving treatment or refreshing themselves with energy drinks and whatnot, the result wasn’t the thing at the forefront of Ingrid's mind. It was you. She could see defeat written all over you before the match had even concluded. It didn’t bode well what this game was doing to you. Before she could do anything, she was called away for a tactical discussion. Then the break was over and everybody was being ushered back to the pitch, and her opportunity was gone.

Rough challenges, an open goal miss, and a yellow card later, you were done for. Your streak was over, you knew what was coming and there was no way to avoid it.

Nobody heard from you for ten hours, nobody saw you at any point after the game, and quite frankly nobody knew where you were. Ingrid knew though. And if her gut feeling about what had happened was correct, she was going to need back up for this one. She hadn’t dealt with a situation like this for a while now, and she felt a little out of her depth.

“Why didn’t anybody stay with her last night?” Alexia asked with a deep-set frown, rushing to your flat alongside Mapi and Ingrid. “You guys live in the same complex as her, why didn’t you check up on her?”

“I don’t know, Alexia! If I could go back and change it, I would, I swear.” Ingrid replied desperately, looking through her keys to find the one to her old flat. 

“Hey, let’s not argue. She won’t be in any fit state to deal with that, we can hash it out later.” Mapi attempted to de-escalate the situation whilst taking the keys from her girlfriend's shaking hands and quietly unlocking the door.

The thing they'd all been worried about made its presence known immediately. Ingrid’s heart broke, and she’d never regretted a decision more in her life.

By the door, your bag had been thrown haphazardly towards the shoe rack, causing the contents of both items to be strewn across the entryway. As the trio stepped past the mess and entered the main room, their concern doubled. There seemed to be two smashed glasses in the kitchen, one of the framed prints from your lounge wall had fallen down, a plant had been knocked over, yet there was no sign of you. The curtains were drawn, the lights were off, and the flat was deathly silent.

“What do we do?” Alexia questioned quietly, afraid of shattering the calm that had seemingly settled after the storm, and unsure what the best way to go about this was. She'd never really experienced anything like this before, at least not to this degree.

“Can you two clean up a bit? She will be in bed, I should go to her first I think.” Ingrid decided as her eyes were glued to your closed bedroom door.

“Of course. If either of you need anything, princesa, just shout for us.” Mapi reminded her, knowing that whatever was in store for her behind your bedroom door could be mentally taxing for her too. She nodded, and at that left the two Spaniards to clean up as she went off to do some damage control.

What greeted her when she entered your room was a sight she hadn’t seen in a long time. Not since the several hour journeys the pair of you would make throughout Germany to meet up, not since national camps, not for years. 

Ingrid found you as a disfigured lump under the duvet, the only thing visible being your hair peeking out just slightly. Again, the lights were off and the curtains were drawn, but with it being morning there was enough daylight bleeding through the soft material to let her look around the room. Just like the rest of the flat, it was in a concerning state of disarray. That wasn't at the forefront of her mind though right now though.

“Elskling?” She called out softly, though got no response. Her only option was to step closer, around to the side of the bed you lay on to try and get your attention.

You were lay on your stomach, cheek smushed against the mattress, and most unnervingly of all, your eyes were open and staring straight ahead at the wall in front. The look on your face was hauntingly empty, yet agonised all in one.

“Hey.” Ingrid whispered, kneeling down before you, yet you didn't even acknowledge she was there. 

It was that moment that the defender noticed the tear tracks, the redness to your face, and the internal agony and undertones of fear present in your blood-shot eyes. She swallowed the lump in her throat, broken at the sight of you, before gently placing her hand on your back atop the sheets.

“If you can hear me, min engel, just give me a tiny nod at least. That's all I ask.” The relief that flooded her when you did exactly what she said was immense, it filled her from head to toe, so grateful you were at least present in the room now. 

“Thank you, that's all I needed.” She smiled sadly, delicately pushing a few strands of hair out of your face. “I'm going to sit here with you for as long as you need. María and Alexia are here too but they won't come in unless you say otherwise, they are just cleaning up for you. I love you, søster, I am always going to love you no matter what.”

Her words, her compassionate and caring words, broke through the trance you'd been in ever since your explosive meltdown had ended however long ago. Ingrid's unconditional love that she consistently showed towards you made itself known yet again, it being quite possibly the one sole thing that could get through to you in this precarious moment. 

The taller woman panicked the moment she saw you tearing up again, worried that she had said the wrong thing, but then your arm reached out from under the covers and grasped desperately at the hand on your back.

“It's okay, it's okay. I've got you. I'm here, you're safe, and I've got you.” Her free hand came up to wipe the tears that fell silently, the repetitive movement of her thumb across your wet cheeks a comfort you clung onto. Meanwhile, the arm of hers you'd grabbed now had both your arms wrapped around it, eyes scrunched tightly shut to keep the tears at bay as much as possible. 

It wasn't possible though, they were coming out thick and fast with no way of stopping them.

“Let it out, snuppa, you will feel better.”

And let it out you did; all the anger you directed at yourself the second the final whistle blew the day before dissipated, and a fatalistic sadness washed over you. You don't know how long you spent sobbing into the mattress, all you knew was that Ingrid was there and she wasn't leaving. She repeated reassuring words over and over until they finally registered, eventually helping you to calm down.

All that was left was an exhausted, now mindless shell of you, stuttered breaths sounding through the quiet room every so often. Ingrid's hand was tracing light circles on the palm of yours, whilst she was quietly suffering through a numb arm that you held onto still.

“Have you had anything to eat or drink since yesterday?” Ingrid asked, her assumption confirmed by the slight shake of your head. “Can I leave for a few seconds to get you something, or shall I ask one of the girls to do it?”

“Stay.” You could barely get the single word out; your throat was already dry and hurting from the exertion it had experienced in the last twelve hours or so, nevermind the mental challenge it was to speak.

“Alright, I will stay. Is it okay if one of them comes in then?” Another tiny, barely noticeable nod. “I will text them, thank you.”

No more than a few silent minutes later, there was a polite knock on the door, shortly followed by Alexia walking in with a tray in her arms. On it was a glass of water, a variety of snacks, some electrolyte tablets and even a box of tissues. She had really thought of it all.

Alexia’s eyes glanced up to where you were, before turning back to Ingrid with a questioning look in her eyes. Ingrid only shook her head, and Alexia took that as her cue to leave. It was clear, from just one momentary glance, that Ingrid still had more progress to make with you, so Alexia quietly slipped straight back out of the room.

When Ingrid turned back to you, all she saw was the sixteen year old version of you, crying in a hotel room hours from home after being dropped to the bench for an upcoming match. She saw the seventeen year old inside of you, the one that had gotten way past drunk at a party and had collapsed into a blubbering, destroyed mess on your bed after near enough carrying you home. She saw you at twenty, breaking down when she revealed she was moving to Wolfsburg, fumbling through the congratulatory messages whilst trying to come to terms with the fact your best friend was moving to a whole different country, feeling like the world was collapsing around you. You, twenty-three, leaving your last national camp, physically and mentally ruined, unable to talk, body and mind exhausted after a night of tears, frustration, and a soul crushing amount of remorse at the decision you had no choice but to make.

Every version of yourself, past and present, was right there in front of her; every version needing the support she was giving. Every version was still alive in some way, they would never die. With this disorder, things don’t come and go, they’re always there, ready to be triggered at any given moment. She had seen this one and the others a handful of times before, but you’d have them with you for the rest of your life. Your own cross to bear, something she’d never come to experience or understand, but if she can carry the load with you then she’d give up everything else in her life to do so.

“Are you ready to sit up? Ale brought in some stuff for you.” She said, her hand resting on your cheek and caressing it lightly. 

You only shrugged, not quite ready to leave your space yet. If you moved now, you had to face the world again, had to recover from the night’s meltdown and move on. It was daunting, nothing short of terrifying, and the longer you could delay the process, the better.

“The three of us have cleared our day, should you need us. We’ll go at your pace, do things how you want. I’ll be right here.” 

You found solace in Ingrid’s company; having her here meant you could relax and focus on something else other than the noise in your head. Your thoughts were having a whale of a time up there, you couldn’t land on a single one as they were spiralling around too much to pick one out. It was exactly that - just noise. But then you’d avert your eyes slightly to the left and land on a certain dark-haired woman, and everything went silent. Knowing that Alexia and Mapi were just a few metres away behind the door might have made you panic, but you trusted them both and knew that they were equally concerned about you as Ingrid was. As Alexia had told you since one of the first times you spoke to her, she wanted to be a person you felt comfortable with to go to about any problems, and you did trust her. Mapi too, though she came as an unspoken package deal with Ingrid, whether she liked that or not.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled, surprising yourself as much as you did Ingrid. She frowned at you, wondering why of all things you could say after the difficult time you’d had in the last day, you chose to apologise.

“Sorry about what? You don’t need to apologise for anything, elskling.” She told you, finally moving her dead arm to hold one of your hands and squeeze it comfortingly.

“Yesterday. The match. Me.” Talking was still hard, but the guilt was monumental.

“The result wasn’t your fault. That’s just how football is sometimes, but we didn’t lose and we still have more group stage games to go. The whole team was off, it wasn’t your fault.” Ingrid reminded you, her eyes wide as she tried to get the message through to you.

“Yellow card.”

“You did get a yellow card, but we all saw the replay afterwards and you got the ball. The referee got it wrong. You also scored our only goal of the game, engel, don’t forget that.” She shuffled a little closer on her knees, placing another kiss to your forehead.

“Suppose so.” You grumbled a minute later, Ingrid smiling in amusement.

“You did so.” She commented, thumb still stroking along the skin of your cheekbone. “Did you have a bad meltdown last night?”

“Mhm.” You hummed dejectedly, overcome with shame and embarrassment at now admitting it to someone. The evidence of it was all around, you knew the trio in your house had seen it all, but there was something gut-wrenching about admitting it aloud.

“Okay. We’ll pick up the pieces and put you back together, don’t worry.” Ingrid stated resolutely, like there was no other option.

With the next thing you said, someone might have to come along and piece Ingrid back together.

“Why do they have to happen, Ingrid? I hate them so fucking much.” 

All your vulnerabilities poured out in two short sentences. Twenty-six years later and the process of a meltdown never got any less demoralising.

“I know, I know.” She moved from her place on the floor and clambered onto the bed behind you, recognising that you had entered a head space where you’d feel comfortable with it now. You confirmed that for her by rolling onto your side, allowing her to shuffle up and hug you tightly back to her chest. “Hey, think of it this way. This is your first one since moving to Spain, that’s amazing! I’m so proud. You’ve handled everything so well, I bet younger you is so proud too.”

Progress wasn’t linear, and it didn’t have the same definition in this case as it did for the majority of the population. Progress meant learning about yourself, learning what harmed you and what you couldn’t deal with, so that you could come up with solutions. There wasn’t a way to grow comfortable with certain things, like restaurants for example, it was about realising what precautions had to be taken beforehand and what support you needed afterwards. Progress was being able to ask people for help, it was having the courage to say no to plans you wouldn’t be able to cope with, it was accepting that yes, you were different, but no, it didn’t make you any less worthy than the next person.

You had made progress, but not the textbook definition of it. Autism took everything about the allistic world and re-defined it for itself.

“Thank you.” You said, voice cracking a little as you did so, a slither of a smile on your face when Ingrid kissed the back of your neck. “Love you, Ingrid.”

The defender felt as if her heart had burst upon hearing those two words. But with the swell of joy that filled her chest, quickly came the crushing sense of regret from earlier.

“I love you too. I'm sorry for not being here last night. I could have helped, or just been with you, and I didn't. I'm sorry for that.” 

Her apology tugged at your heart; you didn't blame her, not one bit. 99% of the time, there was no stopping these things, no matter what you tried or who you were with.

“It's okay. Thank you for being here now.” 

Ingrid nestled in closer at that, and the strength of her hug was the exact kind of pressure needed for the remnants of the dark cloud that had hung over you for a while to finally drift away. The pair of you stayed that way for a while, both more than happy to relish in the peace that had settled, but when there are two antsy women only a few feet behind the door, a disruption is inevitable.

“Can they come in? They’re both worried and will just want to see you're okay.” Ingrid asked quietly after one of them had knocked on the door. You nodded sheepishly, so Ingrid called them in.

“How are things going in here?” Mapi asked carefully, smiling at her girlfriend who gave her a reassuring nod.

“Good. We’re doing okay now.” Ingrid answered honestly, feeling just as relieved as the two Spaniards at the door looked.

“You guys can come in instead of hanging around by the door.” You told them, Ingrid stifling her laughter behind you.

“You two look cosy. Let me join, I'm jealous.” Mapi grinned, dramatically diving onto the bed and sighing contently as she threw an arm around Ingrid's waist.

Alexia was still lingering awkwardly at the door as three of you lay in one double bed, thinking that she didn't want to intrude on a friendship that had been around far longer than she'd known you. But, as you had done for months now, you continued to surprise her.

“Come lay here, Ale.” You waved her over and pointed for her to lay beside the bed on the ground.

Ale. Sure, everybody called her that, but today was the first time you called her that.

She came over in a heartbeat, probably too eager, but she immediately got down and laid on her back beside you. You looked down at her with a shy smile, red eyes and all, and she returned it instantly with pink cheeks.

“Have you eaten yet?” She whispered, looking at the untouched tray of goods next to her. As you shook your head, she reached to grab the paper bag of bakery-bought cookies she had found in your kitchen and opened them, before taking one out and breaking a bit off to give to you. “Cookies for breakfast.”

“Cookies for breakfast.” You gladly took it and ate it, all whilst smiling down at the woman on the floor.

Alexia Putellas, your captain, a World Cup winner, voted best player in the world numerous times, laying on the floor of your apartment just for you. Playing for this team, in this city, was still such a perplexing situation, though fortunately for all the right reasons.

The rest of the day was spent with Mapi and Ingrid as you had told Alexia to go to her family dinner she had initially cancelled. She was reluctant to do so, but eventually she agreed and you were left with Ingrid and her hyperactive counterpart. They kept you distracted enough throughout the day, going for a walk with you, watching a movie with you, even inviting you back to their apartment for dinner where you spent the majority of the time with Bagheera on your lap. Mapi made digs at the fact her cat loved you more than her, and you just sat there with a grin on your face, knowing it was true and revelling in it. 

At the end of the night, you insisted on going back to your own flat after telling the pair of them you were tired of third-wheeling. With tight hugs from them both and one last gloat from you as Bagheera followed you to the door, you left them and made the very short journey back home. You had unknowingly left your phone there, and as you checked it for the first time in a couple hours, there was a surprise waiting for you on it.

Alexia: Would you like to get breakfast with me tomorrow? 

Alexia: I can meet you at your apartment and we can walk somewhere of your choice

Alexia: But if you don't want to, that’s okay!

Her nervousness radiated through the phone with her slight spam of texts, and you couldn’t help but smile at how endearing it was. As if you could ever say no to that. Even if it was a last minute change of plan, all you were going to do tomorrow was maybe go on a run or go to the gym before staying home all day. This was a welcome surprise.

Sticking true to her word, she showed up at 9am on the dot. Anyone would assume it was the middle of winter in Norway with the way she was dressed, when it was just a rainy day in Barcelona. But she was there, a shy smile on her face that was very uncharacteristic for her as she handed you one of the two umbrellas she had in her hands.

“I do have my own umbrella here, Ale.” You teased her, though you took it and closed the door behind you. When you turned back, there was a red shade to her cheeks.

“Well, good morning to you too.” She grumbled, trying to act grumpy but the smile on her face forced its way through sooner than she wanted. As soon as it did, she drew you in for one of those hugs that you may or may not think about more often than you'd admit.

You both easily fell into step after that, heading towards a quiet little cafe you had frequented since your first week in Barcelona. It was a short walk from your apartment, but that didn’t stop the grumbled complaints from Alexia about the weather the whole way, though by the time you arrived you were quite sure she was doing it just to hear you laugh. Again, it surprised you just how naturally conversation flowed between you both. There was no awkwardness, no nerves, just unfiltered joy spilling from the both of you. It hit you then. You were just being yourself around her. And that’s why it felt so good.

There was no reason to mask around Alexia; you felt safe around her. You could do or say anything, and most likely she would just smile right back at you. She’d seen most versions of you by now, and yet here she still was, inviting you out for breakfast even if it did rain on her parade. She had seen you at your happiest in your first game for the team when she came sprinting over, leading the charge for her teammates to celebrate with you. She saw you yesterday morning after a night of horror, eyes red and puffy, wrapped up unmoving in bed, and she lay on the floor beside you still with a smile on her face. You had already let her in more than some of the people you were closest with back in Germany and her opinion never faltered. 

After finding a table, beside the window of course, Alexia went off to order for the pair of you. Though, when she came back, there was a surprise on your plate.

“Why’d you get me this?” You asked shyly.

“Because it is your… your comfort food, right? I thought you would like it.” She shrugged the gesture off, sitting down across from you like it was nothing. Like it didn’t mean everything to you. It wasn’t the cookie itself that had your heart racing, it was the thought behind it that topped your heart back up with the love it needed after the past thirty-six hours.

“They are, but you didn’t have to do this for me. Thank you.” You said, hiding your smile by taking a drink of the hot cocoa you had chosen.

“Eh, it’s nothing. Have you ever tried this?” She gestured to her choice of meal, one of her favourites. “Pa amb tomàquet.”

“I don’t like tomatoes.” 

“Oh no, cariño.” Alexia muttered after a few quiet moments, shaking her head and dropping her cutlery. “No, no, no.”

“What?” You said in amusement, entertained by her dramatics.

“You just stamped on my culture. You broke my heart.”

“I broke your heart, did I?” You said with a smirk. “You broke my heart when you complained about the rain the whole way here.”

“How can anyone like rain? It is sad and boring.” She argued in mock outrage, though of course she can’t last a second around you without smiling.

“The rain reminds me of home.” You revealed sheepishly. Alexia’s shoulders dropped and her face softened instantly. “Both Norway and Germany, actually.”

“No, I understand. I get it. I never thought about it like that but I understand.” She told you, watching as you nodded and looked out the window. “Do you get homesick?”

“Sometimes.” You admitted in a whisper a minute later, only to clear your throat and turn your attention back to your food and start eating.

“You… you never speak Norwegian with Ingrid.” She stated, though it was clearly more of a question.

“Uh, nope. I find it hard to learn new languages, so when I learnt English and moved to Germany, it was like it became my first language. I can speak Norwegian still, obviously, and I would love to learn Spanish and Catalan but it’s just really tiring switching between languages. Mentally tiring, that is. I never learnt German other than a few basic phrases. It’s just too much to process if that makes sense.” 

You stumbled your way through an explanation of a minor secret you’d been a little shameful of for a while now. It was common courtesy to learn and understand the language of a new country, as well as immersing yourself in that and the culture, but it was something you had always struggled with. Admitting that to someone like Alexia was slightly terrifying.

“That’s okay, a lot of people here speak English so you don’t need to worry about learning the languages. But if you ever want some lessons, if or when you are ready, I could help. Or Aitana, or Jana, or someone else.” 

It was suggestions like that, easy solutions that were offered with no second thought, that made Alexia so endearing.

There was one thought that was ever-present in the back of your mind though, it had been for a while, but the meltdown brought it on even stronger. Once the pair of you had finished your meals and were merely just enjoying each other’s company, it came out before you could stop it.

“Do you think I’m doing well here?”

Alexia paused for a moment to think carefully, before placing her cup down and smiling over at you.

“I do. You want to know what I think?” You nodded with no hesitation. “I remember watching you play against us in the Champion’s League last year, you really caused us a lot of problems. And then I heard the coaches say they were thinking of signing you, and I really wanted you to come because I know you would flourish here. Our play style suits you well, and you are an amazing striker. Your positioning, your creativity, awareness, you are a well-rounded attacker. And outside of the pitch, well… the team is much better off with you here.”

“What do you mean?” You said, almost in a whisper.

“You are just a happy person. The happiest person in the changing room. Any one of us could be having a bad day, but then you are there with your smile and your cheeriness and it really lifts us all up.”

Dumb-founded. That's all you felt in that moment. 

Perhaps your face may not show that considering there was a thoughtful frown on your face as you processed the words nobody had ever said to you before, but then the slight shock wore off and… nope, still dumb-founded.

“Really?” You had to double check, because is that honestly what other people thought of you?

“Yes. It's the truth. Ingrid said she has never seen you bond like this with a team before. Believe me when I say you fit in, everybody loves you. We can't imagine what it's like to not have you now.” 

Well. You just might have to start believing that. What choice were you left with otherwise?

—

Something snapped inside of you after that day. A new problem had formed, one you couldn’t have expected at all. Had you dealt with a similar situation in the past? Yes. But those were much more convenient occasions. This one couldn’t be more inconvenient if you tried.

You couldn’t talk to Mapi about it, or Ingrid, or Alexia. Definitely not Alexia. 

It’s just a crush. You could get over a crush. 

Of course you fall for the first person who showed you a bit of humanity. What’s not to like about Alexia?

She lets you ramble to her when you want to, she sits in silence with you when you need it. During briefings at training, she’ll hand over a pack of chewing gum as she knows it helps you to concentrate or, even in some situations outside of training, she takes her rings off and lets you wear them so you can fidget with them instead of your bad habits of skin picking. She’s seen you very close to your worst, and she’s seen you at your best. She gives you her sunglasses whenever a place is too bright, not just because of the sun as it can be any kind of light, and she lets you squeeze her hand to death during take-offs and landings on planes whilst travelling for away games.

Maybe, maybe, it was a tad more than a crush. It’s not your fault though! She chose to act this way, she had inserted herself right into your life the moment she met you, so… what else were you supposed to do?

Oh boy. 

“Frido! I need your help!” You said in an urgent, hushed whisper. The unsuspecting Swede was just walking to her car after training when you called her name from the window of your own vehicle.

“Everything okay?” She checked with a concerned scowl to her eyebrows, coming over in an instant.

“Yes! Well, no, but yes, but- just get in the car please.” 

With a humoured smile, Frido headed around to the passenger side and hopped in, turning to you with an open expression.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem a bit agitated.” She probed once more. Being long-time friends with Ingrid meant you had obviously come to know Frido well too, and she was part of the group you found yourself in at Barcelona, with Aitana and Esmee also. Esmee was the person you sat with on the coach most of the time, you both gave each other the calmness needed after a game… but that was when you weren't with Alexia, of course.

“Yes, I am just screwed, Frido. So screwed.” You groaned, clutching the steering wheel tightly and dropping your forehead to rest on it.

“Why?” 

“I shouldn’t tell anyone but it’s going to explode out of me if I don't talk about it soon. And I can’t tell Ingrid or Mapi, so here we are.” Then you slumped back against your chair, a frustrated sigh leaving you as you crossed your arms.

“You can tell me anything, they don’t have to know. Getting it off your chest will help.” Frido smiled reassuringly at you. 

It probably wasn’t a good idea to tell anyone about it. Having someone else know made it a reality, for you right now it was just a thought, a daydream. But telling Frido would turn this stupid delusion into an actual, real problem rather than something you thought about at night. And during the day. Actually, most of the t- it doesn't matter. 

“You must never tell a soul, Frido.” You glared at her in warning, though you trusted her with your life. “And you can't make fun of me or laugh either. It's not funny.”

“Never, snuppa. I promise.” She swore.

Another sigh as your eyes flitted around anxiously, moving from the car beside you, to the sky, to the blonde waiting patiently for you to find the words you need. Maybe the world will be thrown upside down when you tell her, but it's either that or an implosion, so.

“I like Alexia. Really like her. And it's going to ruin my life.” 

It did not feel better saying it out loud.

“Why wou-”

“Because she is the captain! She’s the leader, everyone looks up to her, she's just being a human and now I have a crush on her! That's not fair on her! All she’s doing is just being nice to me, like everyone else on the team, and my stupid brain had to choose her. Of all people in the world, her! It's going to mess everything up, I've just found my place and I'm finally feeling somewhat comfortable here and then this happens and I just- I hate it!”

Your words shocked yourself, even. Apparently it was a much bigger problem than you initially thought. In reality, you should have picked up on that, relationships historically haven't gone well for you. 

Everybody says they don't care that you're autistic until your disability actually debilitates you. One glimpse of it and they’re gone. Then the world has the audacity to label you as someone who is ‘high-functioning’ with ‘low support needs’ just because you can get up in the morning and go to work. That doesn't mean you struggle any less, you’re not ‘mildly autistic’, those struggles are simply just internalised, therefore other people experience your autism mildly. If anything, they should be thanking you. Thanking you for making their life easier by making your own a million times harder.

Should Alexia ever see you during one of your meltdowns, she’d probably run for the hills. Quit her career, change her name, and flee to another country. That’s what most people did.

“Slow down, slow down. Come back to me, you are spiralling.” There were soft hands holding your own now, stopping you from palming them roughly against your arms, something you did in anxious moments like now. Movement helped you process things, it was no wonder you became a footballer.

“I don’t know what to do, Frido, it will ruin everythi-”

“Hey, be quiet for a moment.” She urged gently, and you turned to look at her with panic in your eyes. “This won’t ruin everything, that is just your anxiety talking. You’re allowed to have a crush on someone, skatt, you’re only human. It’s natural.”

“Yes, but it’s not the fact I have a crush, it’s who the crush is.”

“I know.” She paused for a second, figuring out the best way to help you around this. “When you talk to me, who do you see? Do you see Frido, your friend? Or do you see Fridolina Rolfö, the footballer?”

“I see Frido, my friend.” You answered skeptically.

“When you’re with Alexia, do you see her as Ale, your friend? Or do you see Alexia Putellas, your captain?” 

“She’s just Ale, but I don’t-”

“If you see Alexia like that normally, why are you picturing her differently in this case? As if she’s bigger than you and… unobtainable?”

Viewing it from another perspective definitely gave you some clarity. 

…But, after all, she is your captain?

“I don’t want to mess this opportunity up though. I was really worried I wouldn’t like it here, but now I do and I actually already love it more than Germany, but if I ever acted upon my feelings it could fuck it all up. I don’t know if I could handle that.” You said insecurely, chewing on your lower lip to keep the emotions at bay. 

When Frido had been silent for too long, you turned to look at her, only to find she was doing the same thing. As if she was deep in thought. Before you could coax whatever was clearly on the tip of her tongue out of her though, she was speaking.

“I know something that I shouldn’t. I’m going to tell you anyway because I think it will make you feel a lot better.” She began with a shy, yet excited expression to her features.

“What is it?” You prompted.

“Last week, in Seville. I was walking to my hotel room and… Mapi and Ale were ahead of me in the corridor. I don’t think they knew I was there, and I heard them having a conversation just like ours.”

Oh. Oh.

“How sure are you?” Your eyes searched her face, looking for even just an ounce of hesitation that would throw all this out the window for you. But it wasn’t there.

“I’m very sure, snuppa, I heard basically every word.” She said with an almost proud smile. “I don’t think you have to worry about anything. Sounds like Alexia feels the same as you do. And even if I hadn’t overheard that, it’s clear to a lot of us that Alexia felt that way anyway. Think of how much time she has spent with you since you joined. She doesn’t spend that much time with anyone on the team, to be honest.”

That caught your attention. Now that Frido mentions it, Alexia has spent a lot of time with you. There was that morning she took you out for breakfast, something you hadn't ever expected but after it, you wished it would happen every morning. She always chooses to sit next to you at any given point, whether that be in briefings or whilst travelling, as well as opting to partner up with you in training whenever the opportunity arises. She even took time out of her own evening to cook dinner for you and bring it to you once when you told her you had ran out of your meal prep. 

“I guess.” You mumbled with a frown.

“She’s just a girl after all. Like you.”

Once again, the world had decided to show you just how much your life can change with one single conversation.

—

Not that you acted upon anything, of course. Over a month passed by with things staying the same as they had been for a number of weeks before the revelation with Frido. Training, match, recovery day, repeat. Dinner at Ingrid and Mapi’s apartment every Thursday if the season schedule allowed it. Morning jogs on days-off, evenings spent basking in the golden glow of a Spanish sunset, some of the best you’d seen. There may have possibly been a few more breakfast outings with Alexia. And perhaps just one movie night. Or was it two? 

Regardless, the one good thing about having the natural ability to mask all the inner turmoil you had was being able to hide your feelings when you were around Alexia. On the other hand, your trait of analysing every detail of your life became a bit too exhausting. You were overthinking all of your actions - every word you said, the way you said it, what your hands were doing, what someone might interpret from your body language, every little thing you did kept you up at night. 

You definitely still liked her, that might… never go away. Those feelings only grew and weighed you down more and more, but you couldn’t distance yourself from her no matter how loud your mind screamed at you to do so. You liked her company, she ranked almost as high as Ingrid on your list of… list of what? People you liked? People you felt safe with? People you didn’t have to mask at all around? People you lov- too early.

There was just so much to think about, and so few solutions. There were literally two; you either tell her, or you pretend it never happened. What the hell were you meant to do with those options? Both were equally as terrifying. As if your fear of the future couldn’t get any deeper, you were now stood at a crossroads. Alexia could become the most important person in your life, or she could just become another person you leave behind in this free-for-all career. She could just slip into the past and become a distant memory. 

Massive leaps of faith still weren’t your thing. The fear of the unknown still ran rampant through your veins, and though you’d become a little more relaxed about certain things over the years, this was absolutely not one of those exceptions. The prospect of it all was just too overwhelming. Truthfully, you really didn’t think you could do this.

However, things all came to a head during the last training session of the year in December. Literally.

“Ale? Are you okay?” You asked in a strangled groan, one of your hands coming up to your head as you squinted through one eye to look for the woman you’d just clashed with.

“Oye, sit down. Ale is fine, you both hit heads though so you need to be checked for a concussion. Lay down.” Mapi demanded just as you got back up onto your knees. 

At that moment, you couldn’t have cared less about whether you had a concussion or not, all you cared for was that Alexia was okay. She was, maybe a black eye and a subsequent bruise to her ego, but she was fine. You had taken the brunt of it, straight to the temple.

You followed Mapi’s instruction and layed back down, your head already starting to throb quite a bit. Before you knew it, you were surrounded by some of the medical staff as they checked you over. Once they decided you were well enough to sit up, they urged you to do so as one of them came to cradle your neck to keep it steady. A bright light was flashed into your eyes, making you flinch, but they decided then that if you did have a concussion, it wasn’t too bad. The decision was made to take both you and Alexia inside as the rest of training went on, so the pair of you walked gingerly to the physio room. 

“You okay?” Alexia murmured quietly as you both trailed behind the physios a little. You ignored the way your heart fluttered when her hand found your forearm briefly, and instead blamed it on your head injury (though it may not be physically possible for those occurrences to be linked.)

“Mhm. Are you? I’m sorry that happened.” You replied. The collision was a bit hazy for you, you couldn’t exactly remember what had happened so if you were at fault, you had to make sure she knew it wasn’t purposeful. She had to know.

“No, no apologies, it’s just football. Happens all the time.” She reassured you, smiling comfortingly down at you as she held the door open for you.

In the room, the team ushered you both onto separate beds, forcing ice packs into your hands as they carried out more cautionary checks. And to add to the guilt you felt, they decided to rule you both out of the game tomorrow as a precaution. Your stomach dropped, dreading Alexia’s reaction. Everyone knew about her mentality, a missed game was a missed opportunity. You weren’t quite sure you could ever look her in the eye again.

The second the physios said you both could leave, you hopped off the bench and went to make a run for it. The sooner you could get home, the better. If you avoided the conversation, you could avoid the whole situation, and hide until the Winter break ended.

“Cariño, wait!” Alexia called out, managing to gently stop you by your wrist before you could flee. You didn’t put up much of a fight, you just sighed and lowered your head. Alexia gestured for the rest of the staff to leave the room for the time being, and that only made matters worse. Not only was she going to trap you in a conversation, there weren’t even any witnesses. “I just want to talk about something. Could you sit down?”

You had no choice but to entertain her.

Reluctantly, you sat back down on the physio bench you were on a moment ago, and copied Alexia’s position. Perched on the edge, legs hanging off the side, except your hands gripped the fabric of it quite a bit tighter.

“Sorry.” You whispered with a chagrined look to your face, eyes trained on the swing of your legs.

“What? Why?” Alexia asked. The confusion in her voice led you to look up at her with your own questioning glance.

“For getting us ruled out. We can’t play tomorrow now.” You told her, your eyes again looking anywhere in the room but at her. Then again, that always happened, no matter the occasion. 

“I told you that wasn’t your fault, you really don’t need to apologise. I’m not mad at you, so you don’t need to feel guilty or anything. We’re both okay, it’s just for our safety.” Alexia reminded softly, but with the head space you were in, you couldn’t believe her words just yet.

“What about the game though?” You uttered in a way akin to that of a down-trodden child, and Alexia could only smile in return at it.

“The team will handle it, they’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about anything, it’s all out of your control. Chin up.” Alexia said with a coy grin. 

She laughed freely when you physically tilted your head up and squeezed your eyes shut to give a cheesy smile, and the sound of it instantly calmed most of your worries. 

“Is that all you wanted to talk about?” 

“Um, no, actually. There’s another thing.” She scratched the back of her neck nervously as she spoke, and just like that your anxiety came rushing back. “I just, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable in any way, so please tell me if I am because that’s not what I wan-”

Was she about to say it?

“Say it, Ale. Just say it.” You interrupted, because if she was going to say it, you needed it right now. You couldn’t wait a second longer.

“Right. Well…” There was a bright redness to her cheeks, not just from the head-to-head a while ago. “I, um, I… I like you. Really like you, actually. As in, I want to go on a date with you.” 

She actually said it.

“In a romantic way?” Your deadpan tone didn’t exactly help Alexia’s nerves in that moment.

“Uh, I’m not sure there’s any other kind of date, cariño, so yes, in a romantic way.” She laughed nervously. You were quiet for a few moments as you inwardly controlled your emotions so that you didn’t totally freak out in front of the woman who had just asked you on a date. 

You had to play it cool, right? That’s what everyone always said.

“Sure. When?”

It was comical, really. You’d waited this long for something to finally happen between you both, and now it seemed you couldn’t care any less. If Alexia could see into your brain right now though, it would be total chaos. Like a scene straight out of Inside Out.

“I guess now that we can’t play tomorrow and we are the only ones ruled out, we could go to the game together?” 

That was… actually a much better idea than you thought. Normally, people go on dates to the cinema or to restaurants or whatever other hellish activity neurotypicals chose to do. But a football game was common ground, something that the pair of you could talk about forever, and it was an environment that you were familiar with. That could absolutely work. A dream, actually. 

Still, you had to play it cool.

“But I’m already going to the game. And I would have to sit with you anyway. And all you would focus on is the game, it wouldn’t be much of a date.” You were teasing her at this point, whilst also worrying that perhaps you had taken it too far again, but Alexia understood you by now. She’d caught on, and this was her favourite version of you she had seen so far.

“Fine, it doesn’t have to be a date then! You could have just said no instead of breaking my heart!” She argued theatrically, a wave of euphoria rushing through her when you threw your head back and laughed. “How about we go out for food after, that can be our date? We can go to one of the markets and get dinner from a food truck and go on a walk, instead of a restaurant. Does that sound like a better date?”

“Yeah, but I was going to say yes to the football game anyway.” You shrugged a shoulder nonchalantly, a hint of a smirk on your face as you stood up to put your ice pack away. Alexia watched you do so with a huge smile on her face at your antics. You turned back to her, a hand on your hip where you stood not too far away from her now. “Dinner still sounds good though.”

“You are so annoying.” Alexia hopped down off of the bench and wandered over to you with a shake of her head, throwing her own ice pack down next to yours. “You know that?”

“It’s a love language. Get used to it.” 

The midfielder chuckled under her breath. Secretly, she hoped she was able to get used to it.

“Wait, what do I have to wear tomorrow?” Your eyes suddenly went wide in panic, staring up at Alexia like she held all the answers in the world.

“Well, it is just a football game and a walk, so whatever you are comfy in. Why?” 

“Because it’s a date, I don’t know what you expect me to wear.” You fretted. It had been a long time since your last date. And this was quite possibly the most important one so far.

“I have no expectations, cariño, just make sure you’re warm and comfortable.” Alexia brushed it off like it was nothing, a notion that silenced all those doubts once again. She had a real habit of doing that.

“Okay.” You nodded. 

You realised your close proximity then, noticing you were both quite close. There was one thing that came to mind, but it was surely too early for that. No matter how much you wanted it. One step at a time. Instead, you shyly held your arms out and looked up at her.

She immediately knew what you were after, and who was she to deny you of that. You melted into her embrace the second she invited you in, finally being able to relish in the comfort her hugs brought without overthinking it.

“You are quite oblivious, you know?” Alexia stated with a smirk to break the silence. 

“Shut up, you’re ruining it.”

—

You couldn’t sleep that night, you were way too excited for your date. You were like a giddy kid at Christmas, the smile didn’t leave your face for more than a second. Ingrid came around that night with the intention of checking up on you, but she never could have predicted what information she was walking back to her apartment with. When she found out, she thought she was excited, but Mapi, well, she was on a whole other level. Long story short, Bagheera didn’t surface from under the sofa until the Spaniard had long gone to bed. 

The game kicked off at 2pm, meaning from the second you woke up at 7am sharp, you had way too much energy. Nervous energy. But there was one thing you noticed immediately. You didn’t feel scared, or anxious, or like you wanted to totally avoid the whole situation altogether. You were excited. You woke up feeling like a normal girl going on a date with someone they liked. 

It was new. Refreshing. You felt light, you can’t remember the last time you felt that way about something that would normally freak you the hell out. Spending time with Alexia didn’t feel like a chore, the way it did sometimes with anyone in your life. Rather than draining your social battery, it stayed at the same level with her. If you were feeling especially burnt out one day, it didn’t seem so sickening to have Alexia’s company there like it was with the thought of anyone else. Your mind was peacefully empty when with her, unlike the fast-paced monologue that ran pretty much all hours of the day, even when you were asleep. 

For once in your life, you were going to be optimistic. Because the woman you were meeting had never given you any reason to be otherwise.

So when she knocked on your apartment door, opting out of firing a text your way to say she had arrived, the surprise of not only her presence but the bouquet in her arms was met with a bright smile from yourself. You immediately took them from her and bounded towards the kitchen area to tuck them safely into a vase. Alexia gazed at you the whole time, feeling her own sense of disbelief at the situation she had found herself in. Never could she have imagined falling for you like she had when she met you for the first time six months ago, but she was happier than ever because of it.

There was a beaming smile of her own on her face, and her eyes crinkled with unfiltered joy when you leaned up to kiss her cheek quickly, before rushing around the flat to get everything you needed. Sunglasses, your coat to go over the matching jumper and joggers you were wearing (Alexia did tell you to dress comfortably, after all), and a cap for good measure. Between you both, there was a distinct difference between the amount of clothing layers, something that made you laugh.

“What are you laughing at?” Alexia grumbled, watching you adjust your hair in the mirror after putting your hat on, huffing when it wasn’t agreeing with you.

“You look like you’re dressed for a Norwegian winter. It’s ten degrees.”

“That is cold for me, cariño.” She chuckled, before moving to stand between you and the mirror, and helping you to sort your hair how you wanted it. You blushed and lowered your hands, looking up at her with a shy smile as she worked. “There. You look cute. Cosy.”

“Thank you.” You hummed, cheeks aching from the intensity of your smile when Alexia took hold of your hand and gave it a light squeeze. “You look… warm.”

“Enough with your teasing, let’s go.” Alexia tutted, though she kept your hand in hers as the pair of you left your apartment. It wasn’t until you got to the car that you both reluctantly let go, shooting each other a bashful look before getting into Alexia’s car.

When you arrived at the stadium, both of you spent some time with the team in the locker room, and Alexia addressed them all quickly before you left to find your seats. You had full faith in the team, it was luckily just a league game that most of the younger members of the team would be playing anyway. To be honest, you were quite thankful to not be playing, because it had given way for something better instead.

The majority of the game was spent by both of you talking endlessly about football, both tactical discussions about the game and personal stories for you both. For Alexia, she spoke about how she came to love it so much and how it took her family’s relationship and togetherness to a whole new level. For you, you told her how playing football was the only job you could see yourself succeeding in. The system was routine-based, your work attire was a jersey and shorts, and you were indulging in your special interest everyday of the week. It was an autistic’s person dream to be able to do that, something you were grateful for every time you stepped onto a football pitch. Any other work environment, and you might not have survived. 

Alexia hung onto every word you said, just as you did for her. Learning more about each other was something you both took great interest in, because every detail about your past was how you had become the people you were today. Maybe it was too early to class it as such, but falling in love was a phenomenon that people took for granted nowadays. It’s rare, it’s special, and it’s beautiful. Two people, from entirely different backgrounds, leading unique lives with respective struggles and wins the other hadn’t experienced, only to go on and share every high and low together. Yeah, pretty special in your book. 

With you both being in view of the stadium’s crowd, you were mindful of the watchful eyes around. There was one exception though; during the later stages of the game, the other team had quite a fierce counter attack, something that had both you and Alexia on the edges of your seat. Though, as they neared the goal, the match was the last thing on your mind when Alexia’s hand landed on your knee in anxious anticipation. That hand didn’t move, even when Cata saved the shot with ease. Instead, she just settled back into her seat and turned to you with a deep breath out, the tension leaving her. Then she noticed what she’d done, but before she could retract it, you simply gazed up at her and put your hand on top of hers. 

It remained that way until the whistle blew a few minutes later, when you stood up to make your way down to the rest of the team. You got onto the pitch, Alexia and yourself splitting ways to go and talk to your other teammates. Two familiar faces came bounding over to you and before they even spoke, you could tell what they were going to say just by the smiles tugging at their lips.

“How’s it going?” Mapi asked, poking you in the ribs.

“It’s not gone anywhere yet, we were more focused on the game. But it’s been nice, really nice. It doesn’t feel much different to the other times we’ve hung out, is that good or bad?” You replied with a nervous chuckle, and you got your answer in the form of an excited squeal from Ingrid.

“That’s a good thing! That’s what it was like on our first date, right María?” Mapi nodded enthusiastically, giving you a double thumbs up for extra emphasis. “See! I’m sure you’re doing great, skatt, and I am so happy for you.”

“Me too, preciosa, so happy. Think of the double dates!” Mapi shook your arm vigorously at that, the three of you laughing.

“Let me get through the first one, then I’ll think about it.” That sobered the pair of them up as they nodded in a calmer manner, before they both surged forward to wrap you up in a hug.

“Oh- she’s coming, incoming.” Mapi whispered, pulling away and spinning you around.

“Shall we go, cariño? It might be busy there, so the sooner the better.” 

Just like that, you were being whisked away back into Alexia’s car. She drove to the market, which was decorated for the festive seasons, something you gasped at in awe the second you saw it. Alexia fought off a smile at your reaction which she found much more endearing than she thought she would, and she instantly knew it was a good idea to bring you here. Though you were flying back to Norway in a few days’ time for Christmas back at home, she had a feeling you were a bit more homesick than you were letting on, considering the vast difference in the season between Spain and Norway. Her plan to bring you here, not only for a date, but to cheer you up a bit, was already proving to work.

For a couple hours, you went from stall to stall with a childlike wonder, dragging Alexia along behind you with a tight grip on her hand that you said was just because of the busyness of the area, but both of you revelled in it secretly. That became the truth when you were walking away from the market, slowly heading in the direction of Alexia’s car, until she took you in another direction. Turns out, she was leading you to a beautiful walled garden you had no idea even existed, but the second you saw it you fell in love. Even if it may not have been as stunning as it usually was in the summer, it was still more than enough to capture your attention. 

“This is amazing, Ale, how did you know this was here?” You wondered, head on a swivel looking at each tiny detail, as if there wasn’t enough time in the world to admire its beauty.

One day, in the future, Alexia will reveal that that’s how she feels about you. There are layers to you, and she fears she won’t have enough time in her life to uncover and explore each one. You hold beauty in your physical features, that was the first thing she noticed about you, but it’s the grace of your heart and how you proudly wear it on your sleeve that she adores the most. It's the sparkle in your eyes when you ramble about the things you love most, the unabashed care you treat everyone with, your humour that constantly keeps her on her toes, the purity of your soul and how you have enough unconditional love to give to nearly every being on the planet. There’s plenty to love about you, but that still doesn’t feel like enough for her.

“I have lived here for most of my life, preciosa, I know Barcelona like the back of my hand.” She said, and maybe if you weren’t so oblivious, you might have seen the adoration present in her gaze.

“So you’re saying you know more places like this? And you’ve kept them a secret all this time?”

“Yes, I will show you them all, don’t worry.” She chuckled, slowly walking over to where you were stuck staring at an abundance of pansies in one area of the garden. “Those are Alba’s favourite.” 

“This whole place is my favourite. I love it, thank you for taking me here.” You turned your attention from the flowers and back up to Alexia, who didn’t seem to take any interest in her surroundings. She was just smiling down at you. “What are you smiling at?” 

“Hmm?”

“You’re just standing there, smiling. You haven't even looked around yet. What are you smiling like that for?” You asked in utter confusion. She was genuinely just stood there, perfectly still, seemingly lost in her thoughts, with a soft smile on her face that’s directed solely at you. Instead of answering, she laughs, to your annoyance. 

“I’m just happy, cariño. Happy to be here with you, on a date.” She answered, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

“Oh. Okay.” You said, hoping the dim lighting from the street lamp wasn’t enough for Alexia to see the blush on your cheeks. “I’m really happy too. I can’t believe you like me.”

You didn’t really mean to say that, but the words tumbled out of you regardless.

“Why do you say that?” Alexia questioned with a frown, deftly taking hold of your hands.

“I don’t know.” You mumbled, looking down as your feet fidgeted on the spot, kicking a stone away from underneath you. “I can be a lot, I guess.”

“Well, luckily for you, I have seen your ‘a lot’ and it’s enough for me. You don’t have to worry about that, I promise.” Alexia replied, earnesty clear in her voice. She leaned forward then, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. “Why do you put yourself down like that?”

“Because I want to be your girlfriend, but I want you to know what you’re getting into.” You told her, taking a slight step back. 

“Loving another human, that’s all I’m getting into.” She took a cautious step closer. “That little voice is taking over, cariño, take a breath with me and know that I’m not going anywhere.”

Trying to calm down is quite hard when there’s a beautiful woman in front of you being so kind that she makes your head spin. Or when she’s giving the softest forehead kisses in all of mankind and holding your hands with a delicateness you’ve never experienced. She’s not just holding your hands right now, she’s got your heart in the palm of her hands.

“I don’t need anyone to take care of me.” You blurted out, sharply stepping back from her again. 

“I know. You are the strongest person I’ve met, and you are more than capable of taking care of yourself. But who’s to say you can’t have someone by your side anyway?” She smiled like it was nothing. As if her words weren’t everything you’d ever wanted to hear. “Are you scared of me leaving?”

“Yes.” You whispered quietly, swallowing the lump in your throat and growing the confidence to look back up into her eyes.

“I’ve learnt a lot about you these past few months. Not a thing I now know has deterred me from you. I don’t think anything could. All I ask is that you take a chance and let me show you how much I adore and admire you. The feelings, the worries and doubts you have, they go both ways, cariño. I am worried that I might not be good enough for you and that I am not what you need. I am scared that I will get things wrong, and that I-”

You had heard enough, she’d proved her point.

You leant up on the balls of your feet, and kissed her. And she returned it almost instantly. Her hands dropped yours and landed on your hips, steadying you on your tip-toes. Yours wrapped around her neck, drawing her somehow closer. And just like everything had been so far with Alexia, it was easy. It was everything you dreamed of and more. Here, somewhere in Barcelona, not only had you made a life for yourself in just six months, you’d gained a new addition to it too. 

Alexia had taught you a lot in the short time you had known her. But there was one thing that stood out to you; she had unknowingly taught you, just through her actions, that love is accommodation and consideration. It’s knowing what the other needs, and being there when they need it. It won’t be 50/50 everyday, in your case there will be times where it’s 90/10, and there will be occasions that are the same for Alexia. Your struggles don’t define you, and Alexia’s don’t define her. You’re worth it, just as much as she is. Just as much as everybody else.

Just because you’re stuck with a label for the rest of your life, a disability that beats you down when you want anything but that, those don’t mean that everything has to be hard. The truth is, when a genuine connection is found, things can be easy. They can be peaceful. With Alexia, you feel seen, as if you’re being mirrored back to yourself. Now, by loving the right person, you realise that other people shouldn’t always make you feel exhausted, they shouldn’t be the reason why you retreat back into yourself, and most importantly they shouldn't make you feel like you’re impossible to love. 

Life will continue to try and break you down, there’s not a soul on earth that can entirely protect you from that, but having Alexia by your side, just like she said, can lessen the burden. After all, a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved, and joy shared is joy doubled. You have to live, you have to feel,  you have to love, you have to take risks. Because if you hadn’t done that all along, where would you be now?

[steddieas-shegoes]

never gonna give you up

for @steddiemicrofic "fake" prompt that needed to include the words: and, around, desert, down, give, gonna, let, never, run, up, you

1987 words | rated e | no cw | tags: modern au, flirting, bisexual steve harrington, handjobs, some platonic stobin, ridiculous and unserious

😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎

"This might be the first time someone's deserted me in the middle of a date," Steve said into the phone.

"You aren't counting that one time Sarah left during the movie?" Robin asked.

"She had a family emergency!" Steve exclaimed.

"Right, and I'm definitely going on a date with a dude later."

"You're saying she didn't have a family emergency?"

Steve remembered that date, remembered how she'd even had tears in her eyes when she said her mom called and she had to run home.

"You're gonna unpack that all night, aren't you?" Robin sighed on the other end. "Steve, just go home. Take a week off from trying to get into some poor woman's pants. Leave some of them for me to get into. I beg you."

"What makes you think they'd come running to you?" Steve looked over at a guy standing at the counter of the diner, clearly trying to pick up his order. From the back, he seemed tall, but that could be the black skinny jeans and boots combo.

"Let me talk to them for one minute and I'll have them convinced."

The guy turned as the woman behind the counter walked to the kitchen, his eyes settling on Steve talking on his cell phone at the table in the corner. It's not like there were many people here on a Monday night, nothing else to look at but Steve awkwardly sitting by himself with two glasses on the table.

The guy started to walk over, and Steve recognized him immediately.

"Gotta go, Robs."

"What? How are you done wallowing already?"

He hung up before she could continue, putting his phone face down on the table.

"Well, well, well. Never thought I'd see the day where Steve Harrington shows back up in Hawkins."

Eddie Munson didn't know shit about Steve, never really had. He thought he did, just like everyone else in high school, but the gossip that followed him around never had much truth to it. He really only had two girlfriends for most of high school, and only one of them was serious enough for him to sleep with.

The sleeping around came after his move to Chicago, when he was constantly surrounded by women who would give him all the attention he wanted.

"Never really thought I'd be back," he said with a genuine smile. Kill them with kindness or whatever his grandmother used to say.

It seemed to throw Eddie off at least, his mouth opening and closing around whatever rebuttal he planned.

"So why are you here? Visiting the parents?" Eddie crossed his arms, leaned his hip against the edge of the table.

"Nah, came to visit Dustin Henderson. Staying for a few more days and thought it would be nice to take someone out. I guess she didn't agree," Steve shrugged.

Eddie glanced down at the empty spot across from him, the glass on the table with half of the drink missing. He looked back at Steve's face.

He sat down across from him and smirked.

"So. Come here often, sunshine?"

Steve snorted, shaking his head as he looked up at Eddie.

"Not as often as I would if I was coming to see you," Steve replied, taking a sip of his drink.

Eddie clearly wasn't expecting him to flirt back. He recovered quickly, though.

"I suppose we could fix that, then, huh?"

Steve looked him up and down, taking in the messy bun his curly hair was pulled into, the pen mark on his cheek, tattoos up and down his arm.

"I suppose we could."

Waking up in Eddie Munson's bed was definitely not what he expected when he arrived in Hawkins two days ago, but stranger things had happened.

He opened his eyes to sunlight streaming in through the curtains and Eddie's warm body pressed against his back.

Neither of them had gotten dressed after their shower last night, too tired to do anything more than rinse off the sweat and cum from hours of making each other come undone.

Steve let himself have this. Eddie would kick him out when he woke up, kindly of course, but he'd make it clear to Steve that this was a one night thing. No matter how good it was, Steve wasn't an idiot. He knew Eddie would never actually be interested in a guy like him.

"Mmm. Stop thinkin' s' loud," Eddie's lips brushed against the back of Steve's neck in a half-kiss, sending a shiver down his spine. "'s too early."

Steve smiled to himself, let Eddie's arms tighten around him and hold him close for a bit longer.

"I should probably head back to the Henderson's. Claudia will be worried if I'm not there for lunch," Steve said quietly.

"Just text Dustin, tell him your date went well."

Steve shouldn't get his hopes up. It's not like he was gonna do long distance, and even if he would be willing, there was no way Eddie would.

"I can't lie to him," Steve felt his heart flip flop in his chest at the admission.

Eddie's head lifted and his breath hit the side of Steve's face instead of his shoulder. "Did it not go well? I thought it- well, I thought it went great, actually."

Steve turned in Eddie's arms, facing him, placing his hands on his chest. "It did go well! It did."

"Okay, then…"

"It's just this wasn't exactly a date, was it? You just felt bad for me, probably wanted to see if the rumors were true."

"What rumors?"

"You know. The ones about me sleeping around, being good with my mouth." Steve's eyes searched Eddie's, looking for any hint of recognition. When none came, he continued. "How I let anyone fuck me on the first date?"

Eddie's brows furrowed. "Is that what people say about you?"

"You don't have to act dumb, Eddie. Some of it's true."

Eddie's hands were rubbing up and down his back, making goosebumps appear on his skin. "You are good with your mouth. That one’s true. The rest though? I never believed any of that shit.”

“Really? Why not?”

Eddie’s hand traced along Steve’s only tattoo, a robin placed just under his collarbone. “Because I never gave much thought to rumors. Lord knows most of the ones about me weren’t true.”

Steve thought about all the rumors he’d heard about Eddie in high school.

Back then, he may have believed some of them, but he had firsthand experience with things getting out of hand.

“You can think what you want, but I brought you back here because I genuinely enjoyed talking to you at the diner. I wouldn’t have slept with you if I wanted to get rid of you. Trust me. I’m not really a one and done guy,” Eddie’s hand cupped his cheek, thumb rubbing along his cheekbone. “If you’re in a rush to go, I can’t stop you. But I think staying in bed with you all morning sounds pretty fuckin’ good.”

Steve’s breath hitched, his heart kicked up in his chest. “You know, I’ve actually never bottomed before last night.”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “Seriously? Never?”

Steve shook his head. “Never found anyone I could trust to be gentle.”

“Was I gentle enough? Shit, you should’ve told me. I used spit as lube, Steve! That couldn’t have been comfortable.” Eddie pulled away a few inches, mumbling to himself in a panic.

“Eddie.” Steve tried to get his attention back on him. “Eds.”

Steve shifted forward, his front pressing against Eddie’s, his half-hard cock finding friction against Eddie’s thigh.

They both groaned as Steve rocked against him again.

“Everything was perfect, Eds. Only thing that would make it better is if I get to watch you come again right now," Steve said against his lips, pushing his hips forward so their cocks brushed against each other.

"Fuck, keep doing that and you'll get your wish, sweetheart."

He was sensitive, worked up from the hot breath against his mouth, the tongue brushing against his bottom lip. Steve couldn't remember the last time he'd been this wrapped up in someone, this attentive to the sounds they made, this focused on making sure they both felt good.

The friction was enough on its own to get Steve to the edge, and if Eddie's moans were anything to go off of, he was right there with him.

Steve never felt safe enough to be loud, not until he had Eddie begging him to make noise.

"C'mon, Stevie. Wanna hear how good you feel. Sounds so good when you can't hold it back," Eddie's hand gripped his hip, tugging him closer. They were both leaking precum, dripping down each other's lengths and losing track of where one of them ended and the other began.

Steve couldn't hold it back, didn't want to anyway. Letting Eddie hear how good he felt was a need.

"You gonna come with me, sweetheart?" Eddie gasped out as he wrapped his hand around both of them, slowing his hips to focus on moving his hand, finding the perfect angle and pace to get them both over the edge.

Steve bit his lip and nodded, barely holding back a whimper as Eddie's grip tightened around them.

"Come for me, Stevie."

Eddie's voice had a direct link to Steve's cock, maybe through the hand wrapped around him. Steve came with a shout, curling forward so his forehead fell against Eddie's shoulder.

He was overstimulated, fighting the urge to buck into his hand and pull away at the same time.

Steve pulled his head back to watch as Eddie groaned, cum hitting both of their stomachs as he worked himself through his orgasm.

They both lay there in silence, Eddie's grip loose around them as they both softened. They'd need to clean up before the cum dried in Steve's chest hairs and made them sticky, but moving seemed like an impossible task.

"You live in Chicago now?" Eddie asked suddenly, making Steve jump. He rubbed his cleaner hand on his back in silent apology.

"Yeah," Steve breathed out. "With Robin Buckley. From band?"

"I know Robin. She used to come to my shows before she moved."

"Small world."

Eddie snorted. "Just Hawkins." Eddie sat up, pulling Steve with him. "You know, the guys in my band have been considering moving to Chicago. Think it's a good place for a metal band?"

Steve searched his face for any clues as to what he was really asking. Certainly he didn't expect Steve to know if a metal band would feel at home somewhere.

"I…guess?" Steve answered.

"I'll just text Robin," Eddie wiped his hand on the sheets and reached over to the bedside table to grab his phone.

"Wait. You keep in touch with Robin?" Steve felt like he was being pranked.

"Not as much as I should, but yeah. We caught up last time she visited her parents." Eddie typed on his phone for a moment, then looked up at Steve with a smirk. "Problem with that?"

"No, I'm just kinda shocked she's never really mentioned it." Steve stood up with shaking legs. "I should probably grab a shower and go."

"You normally a runner?" Eddie asked, amused.

"No? Why do you ask?"

"It's just the second time you've been rushing to leave. Thought I told you I wanted you here."

Steve knew what he wanted, and he knew it was too much, too fast, too ridiculous for Eddie to even consider it.

But maybe, if he played his cards right, maybe he could have Eddie for more than today.

"Shower with me?" Steve settled on, pouting his bottom lip out.

"And then?" Eddie pushed.

Steve didn't know what to do, but he knew what he wanted.

"And then we'll go back to the diner and actually eat something together." Eddie nodded, encouraging him to continue. "And then you give me your number."

"For?"

"Planning our next date."

[cussima]

i shifted accidentally for the first time last night 😭

it wasn't my first time shifting, but it was my first time shifting on accident to a reality completely unknown to me 😭 Anyway here's that (long, quite detailed) story time !! (with reaction pics of course 😋)

i was so tired last night, and i had to wake up at 7AM today, i wanted my mind to be quiet so i could fall asleep easily and not have any vivid/random dreams (they make it so i can't rest well)

my subconscious with a different plan:

i remember being asleep here, lying on my bed and the darkness of my room, and all of the sudden i was standing in front of a white haired professor in a school in JAPAN !!!

now I don't have any japanese drs, or am close to anything japanese for that matter (i dont watch anime, etc etc) i think maybe i thought how i'd like to go to a tokyo grand prix for five seconds yesterday but that was it 😭 there was absolutely no reason for me to have woken up in a different country AND AT A SCHOOL !! for that matter like i genuinely have no idea what happened.

ANYWAYS...

the professor just talked about how i was new and my professors, and classmates, and all (i don't remember exactly what he said but when i woke up i knew it was an introductory "welcome to this school talk) and sent me to a classroom where i got way too worked up about a sexist mf, i kinda yelled at him for being sexist and the shit he was saying.

(i didn't YELL i confronted him and told him his ideology was stupid and might've given him (thrown...ish) some stuff to him but it was on topic i promise it was more like i landed him... some trash... like i put it at his feet for him to pick up okay, let's move on)

then i left that class !! but it was just as other classes were about to begin and another guy that had been in that class with me dragged me into another classroom because he had liked me (he didn't say it but he was rlly nice to me so i assumed he liked me) (liked me as in yk he didn't hate me after the whole class confrontation, i just had so he wasn't as bad as that other mf !!, im not saying he fell in love w me just in case anybody gets confused) (also the classroom wasn't empty he just had another class and dragged me along with him)

in that classroom he told me to put my hood on (i was wearing a black cotton jacket with a hood on it, we didn't have uniforms) and to not draw too much attention to myself (it was an all boys class, so if the professor found out im a girl she would've kicked me out and tbh idk what i would've done 😔)

and then the teacher came in, (i wanna describe her bc she was sooo,,, teacher core LMAO she had a big nose, glasses, red hair up, burgundy sweater and a white sort of lab coat thingy) introduced the class, and said she was going to play a movie, closed the class curtains and that's when i started remembering i had shifted here.

she played the movie (looking back at it now, i think they might've picked up from where they had left off in a previous class)

it was a movie with rupert grint where he was an adult and he had discovered like a magical realm, i remember i thought of harry potter (bc of rupert) and knowing that had never existed there, he had never been ron. There was also a blonde woman (gorgeous long blonde hair kinda looked like tilda swinton) and a little girl that was somehow related to Rupert's character.

I realized that movie didn't exist in this reality and that's when I sort of began panicking and remembered i had Actually shifted there

I decided to check my 5 senses but then I realized I don't know the steps to do it....

like i have to 5 what 4 what 3 what 2 what 1 what

so i just touched the desk where i was sitting, i touched the paper from the boy's notebooks and more stuff i can't remember, i remember wanting to touch the pencils inside the pencilcases but I couldn't be loud + those weren't mine !! and then i breathed in a couple times

and then i opened my eyes here again

now I know that stuff really doesn't work for me it just brings me back to my dr, because im just trying to remember what the tiktok i saw on this reality about the 5 senses method said 😭

ALSO !!

something i didn't mention is that when I walked into the second classroom, i got nervous when i realized it was an all boys class. I don't know what the class was on, i was looking around frantically, the curtains surprised me they were dark and i had never seen dark gray curtains in a classroom (what a stupid culture shock 😭)

when the teacher came in i put my hair on my eyes to FAKE A FRINGE !!! I didn't listen to her at all when she began the class, and then another guy with big blue eyes was mouthing something to me and the boy behind me, the boy i was with said "he's deaf just read his lips"

MF I DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ LIPS ?!?

so now im nervous as fuck about not being able to read his lips and looking like an asshole that doesn't want to talk to deaf people

all while trying not to get kicked out of this class !!

it was A Lot of information to take in 😭 no wonder i shifted back i was being silly af

also THEN i shifted to a reality where my phone had barely charged (it had a decent amount of battery after i shifted, it went from 75% at 5AM when i woke up from my shift to 25% at 7AM)

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

I NEED a part 3 of the step-cest one like the cliffhanger omgg ✋😭

left me wanting more 😖

Here ya go! :)

Pleaser - Stepbrother!Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader - Part 3

This contains SMUT - Minors DNI

Part 1, Part 2

Summary: Ethan has more creative ways to sneak around with you

A/N: I got so many requests for this within the last 24 hours. I hope y'all like it, and if you want me to write more for it, let me know!

You were almost asleep when you heard your phone vibrate on the nightstand beside you. You checked it, curious to see who would be texting you at almost midnight. You smiled when your eyes adjusted and saw Ethan’s name.

Ethan: You still up?

You: I was almost asleep, but someone decided to text me🙄

Ethan: I’m sorry, I’ll let you get some rest, but I wanted to show you something😏

You waited as you stared at the screen, seeing a video pop up. You clicked on it to see Ethan shirtless with his pants halfway down his thighs and his hard cock in his hand. He was quietly moaning your name as he stroked it, before his bottom lip went in between his teeth to keep himself quiet when his whimpers got louder. His tip was red as his precum was leaking out, his hand movements speeding up because he was so needy. Within seconds, his head fell back as his cum shot out, all over his abs.

You were salivating at the video, wanting nothing more than to be with him.

You: I wish that camera wasn’t in the hallway. I’d lick that cum off you👅

Ethan: Fuck I wish you could

You: Why’d you have to send that to me? I’m so wet right now

Ethan: I didn’t get to cum earlier, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how amazing your pussy feels

You: What’s this plan you have? Because I don’t know how to not have you in my bed with me

Ethan: I’ll tell you tomorrow, baby. Get some sleep.😘

You: Goodnight

It took you forever to fall asleep as the thoughts of Ethan ran though your mind. You couldn’t believe how crazy the day was. You couldn’t believe you got caught. But the one thing you really couldn’t believe was that your mom and Wayne separating meant you actually had a chance with Ethan.

The next morning, your mom walked into your room to wake you up. You hadn’t spoken to her since she mentioned wanting to install the cameras, and you hated that she no longer trusted you.

“Good morning,” she said, opening the curtains to let the sunlight pour in.

“Ughhh,” you groaned out, the exhaustion from only a few hours of sleep made you pull the comforter over your head.

“You need to get up. I want to discuss a few things with you before I leave,” she said, taking a seat at the foot of your bed.

You pulled the comforter off your head, your tired eyes meeting hers.

“I’ll get a notification every time there’s movement in front of the cameras. Don’t think I won’t be watching. If I see anything happening that I shouldn’t be, you’re going to stay with your dad until Ethan and Wayne move out,” her tone was stern, and it took everything in you to not roll your eyes.

“Why is it that the second you find out I’m not perfect, you think I can’t be trusted?” you asked, genuinely curious.

She sighed, not knowing how to answer your question.

“I graduated with honors, I got early acceptance into college, and I do everything you ask of me. I just don’t get it,” you said, sitting up. “I know that wasn’t something you wanted to see, but if you and Wayne are separating, why is it a big deal?”

“It’s a big deal because right now, he’s still your stepbrother. You’re under the same roof. I just can’t trust you around him. All the teenage hormones are obviously too much for the two of you,” she said, standing up to leave. “I’m sorry you feel like your privacy has been stripped away, but it’s the only way I feel comfortable leaving you here with him and not sending you to your dads house two hours away from here.”

She closed the door behind her as she walked out. You threw your pillow at the door, the soft sound it made when it hit the floor very unsatisfying.

“Fuck,” you said, grabbing your phone. You saw a text from Ethan.

Ethan: Good morning, beautiful. I’m going to make you breakfast. Come to the kitchen in 20.😊

You: I didn’t know you could cook🧐

Ethan: There’s a lot of things you still need to know about me

You smiled as you locked your phone, deciding to get up to shower. You couldn’t shake the creepy feeling of the cameras, so you looked all around the bathroom, making sure there wasn’t one in there before shedding your clothes.

You looked over your tired appearance in the mirror, hoping the shower would help. You cut the water on, noticing that it wasn’t getting very hot. You assumed it was from everyone else showering before you, so you decided to make it quick. As you tried to wash the shampoo out of your hair, the water turned ice cold. You squealed at the sudden temperature change, your teeth starting to chatter as you hurried through the rest of your shower faster than you thought was possible.

After you got out, you saw a text pop up from your mom.

Mom: If you’re showering, don’t walk out in a towel. Put your robe on.

You rolled your eyes as you dried off, still freezing from the cold shower. You put your robe on, stopping to do a spin in the hallway for your mother that seems to be watching your every move, before going to your room to get dressed.

When you walked towards the kitchen, the delicious aroma of what Ethan was making made your mouth water. You walked up beside him as he stood in front of the stove, wanting so badly to hug him. You looked behind you to see the camera on the wall.

“I feel like a prisoner,” you whispered, as Ethan started to laugh.

“The good news is, I disabled the audio. They can’t hear anything we talk about,” he said, placing a pancake onto the small stack he’d already made.

“Aren’t they going to notice?” you asked, speaking at a normal volume.

“No, I told dad to tell your mom that it doesn’t record audio. He doesn’t see the point in them knowing what we talk about,” he let out a small laugh as he spoke.

“You should’ve heard the awkward conversation I had to have this morning. If we get caught doing anything, I have to go live with my dad until you move out.”

Ethan started to laugh again as you cocked your eyebrow at him.

“I wonder if your mom realizes you’re two windows down from me. This is a one-story house,” he said, smiling.

“So that’s your plan? You’re going to get into my room from the outside?” you smirked, as he carried the stack of pancakes over to the table he set for the two of you.

“Yep. She’ll never know.”

After breakfast, that’s what he did. He went to his room a few minutes before you went to yours, hoping that it would seem a little less obvious. The last thing he wanted was for your mom to get suspicious. You opened your window, your head hanging out as you watched Ethan jump out of his. He walked over to you, placing a kiss to your lips before climbing in.

“Hey,” he said, wrapping his arms around you as you stood in front of him.

“Hi,” you said, as you nuzzled into his chest.

He held you there for a while, not wanting to let you go.

“You look so beautiful today,” he said, placing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Yeah, the whole ‘no makeup, damp hair, after an ice-cold shower’ thing really makes me feel attractive,” you joked, finally pulling away from him to lead him towards your bed.

“You’re always beautiful,” he said, sighing as he relaxed on your bed. “Come here, baby.”

You laid your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as the two of you cuddled in comfortable silence, just enjoying each other’s presence. His hand rubbed against your back as you started to doze off.

After a couple hours, you woke up to your phone ringing. You smiled as you looked at Ethan, his eyes dazed as he tried to wake up too.

“Fuck, it’s my mom. Be quiet,” you said, as he laughed a little. “I’m serious!”

Your eyes were staring him down as he watched you answer the call, a smirk playing on his lips as he got in between your legs.

“Hello?” you answered, as his hands started to run up your thighs.

“Hey, just wanted to check in on you and see how you were doing,” she said, as you heard her eating her lunch.

“I’m not with Ethan if that’s why you’re asking,” you mumbled, your eyes going wide as his hands slid under the waistband of your leggings. He slowly slid them, along with your panties down your thighs, his eyes looking into yours as he smiled.

“I know you’re not. I’ve had the camera app pulled up at my desk all day,” she said, as Ethan started to place open-mouthed kisses up your legs, starting at your ankles.

“Well, I’m trying to watch a movie, can we talk when you get home?” you asked, as his mouth started to reach your inner thighs.

“No, I wanted to talk. I’ve been thinking a lot about what you asked me this morning about not trusting you,” she sighed, as your bottom lip went in between your teeth. When Ethan’s eyes met yours, he raised up to mouth ‘Be quiet’. Your heart was pounding in your chest as he leaned back down, gently licking your clit.

“Are you there?” your mom asked.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. This movie is just really good,” you said, your hand tangling in Ethan’s hair.

“Okay, maybe we should just talk later, then. My lunch is almost over, anyway,” she said, as Ethan’s tongue started to move faster against you.

“Okay, love you,” you said, your voice sounding a little strained.

“Are you okay?” she asked, a hint of concern in her voice.

“Yeah, it’s a scary movie,” you said, trying to pull it together long enough to get her to hang up.

“Oh, okay. I’ll be home in a few hours. Love you, too,” she said, before you heard the beeping that the call had ended.

You let out all the whimpers you had to keep deep inside of you as you locked your phone, your hands lightly tugging at his hair.

“Oh fuck,” you mewled, as you felt one of his fingers slip inside of you. He soon added another one, angling them just right to hit the spot you needed him to. “Right there, baby.”

His fingers started to press harder into that spot, as the sounds of your moans and wetness echoing off the walls. He looked up to see your lip between your teeth again, your moans muffled as your eyebrows knitted together. Over the last few days, he’s taken in what all of your facial expressions mean during sex. He knew your current one meant that you were getting close. Well, that and the tightening grip on his hair.

He groaned against your clit at the feeling, your hips starting to shake at the vibrations. He started to hum against you as your hips moved against his mouth and fingers.

“I’m gonna cum,” you moaned out, your core spasming around his fingers.

His movements slowed down as he worked you through it, not wanting to overstimulate you too much. He placed one last lick to your clit, before crawling back up to lay on the bed beside you.

“Why did you do that?” you asked, your breathing still irregular.

He laughed as his hand ran up your arm.

“I think I have a new kink,” he said, looking over to you. “There’s just something so hot about the idea of getting caught.”

You playfully smacked his chest as he faked hurt.

“Hey, you liked it, though!” he uttered, defending his actions.

“You just wait until it’s your dad calling one day to check on you,” you smirked, as your hand ran over the hard cock in his jeans.

He pulled your hand away, lacing your fingers with his. You gave him a confused look as he smiled at you.

“I don’t want you to think the only thing I care about is fucking you. You’re way more than that,” he said, “As bad as I want it, making you cum is all I needed.”

You smiled at him, leaning over to place a kiss on his lips.

“So are you just going to hold out until later tonight and send me another video?” you joked, laying your head back on his chest.

“You have no idea how many nights I’ve jerked off thinking about you,” he said, his hand moving to your hair.

[dandelionpixels]

merlin hcs

ask: Do you have any headcannons of Merlin growing his hair out all curly and everyone in the castle collectively loose their minds

- If you want a mental image, I’ve got you. Take this and this and this and enjoy. :3

- Like the grandpa he is, Gaius teases Merlin for it every morning. He ruffles his hair, mumbles something about being thankful while you have it, and sends him out the door with a tsk.

- It only takes a day or two for it go from subtle waves to quite noticeable, especially when Gaius makes him a shampoo better fit for the curly aspect. It wasn’t really an intentional choice on Merlin’s end, just happenstance from being busy and letting it do what it wants. This also meant he was starting to get slight stubble around his jaw, born from laziness about shaving.

- This switch also happened to fall on a rare weekend where Merlin didn’t really see anyone. Arthur was gone for business and Merlin took the weekend off.

- Gwen says something about it first, crossing him in the halls and stopping him to gently ruffle his hair and go, “Well aren’t you handsome, why have you been hiding this?” to which Merlin blushes (not used to compliments) and waves it off. Gwen continues down the hall, but calls back over her shoulder, “Make sure to ask the knights what they think!”

- Merlin also passes a couple ladies from town who, in no uncertain fashion, stare for long enough that even he notices.

- When he wakes Arthur up by yanking the curtains open and throwing an orange in his direction, Arthur doesn’t notice. Too blinded by sleep and sun and stress. It’s not until after he’s changed and emerges from behind the divider that his gaze flickers to Merlin and he pauses.

- Merlin makes a face, “What? Don’t be thinking about throwing something at me.” Arthur looks away, but doesn’t move, “Nothing, you changed your hair.” Having genuinely forgotten, Merlin pauses, “Oh- I suppose I did. Is that….a problem?” Arthur rolls his eyes, “Why would that be a problem Merlin? I doubt anything can worsen your servant skills any more than their current-,” He’s cut off by Merlin throwing his shoes full speed at him.

- When they run into the knights in the armory, Merlin keeps remembering Gwen’s comment about what they would think. He decides not to say anything, but it doesn’t matter because the second they go outside and the sunlight hits them, Gwaine clocks him immediately.

- “Woah, hold up! You did something, fess up!” Merlin groans but smiles despite himself, “C’mon, don’t do this-,” Percival cuts him, “He’s right though! You’re all rugged now.” He lowered his voice when he said rugged and Merlin and Arthur both make a grossed-out expression. As Elyan opens his mouth to agree, Merlin surrenders, “I grew out my hair a little bit, it got wavy, can we move on now?”

- Gwaine wolf-whistles and the knights burst into laughter. Arthur rolls his eyes and gestures with his sword, “Can we get back to training?” Lancelot grins, “What, are you upset we think Merlin looks nice?” Arthur shoots him a very pointed glare and gestures everyone out into the field.

- Later that evening, Morgana comes to visit Arthur while Merlin’s getting dinner set up. She goes to wave a quick hello but pauses upon seeing him, “Merlin! Your hair looks lovely.” He grins bashfully, “Thanks.” Arthur groans, “Doesn’t anyone in this castle have anything better to do than pay attention to Merlin’s hair?” Morgana shrugs, “Do you not like it?” Arthur stiffens slightly, “I didn’t say- I just don’t care about it.” Gesturing vaguely around, Morgana continues, “It’s not a crime to think he looks nice Arthur, everyone in this castle thinks he looks nice. You’d be crazy not too.”

[lani-heart]

|| series masterlist || next // previously ||

genre(s) -> angst, fluff, non-idol, hybrid au, poly au paring(s) -> kang yeosang x reader warning(s) -> mentions of prostitution, mentions of sex toys, mentions of non-conscensual sex, spiked drinks, abuse/neglect, etc. words -> 3.2K

abstract -> "...let me see the angel without her wings. At least... one last time."

yeosang's pov

I was dressed in a beige uniform. I was in the orange-coded kennels. I didn’t see anyone in front of me or beside me. I was completely alone…

Was she gonna come get me… pay them off, maybe? I wondered about that girl… Did she go home to her hybrids safely? I hope she’s okay…

“Be careful… there's a possibility he won’t say anything either. Kun is only letting you be on your own because he trusts in you” I heard and I saw the curtain open from my kennel and I saw an employee and the girl from yesterday. 

She wasn’t in a pretty little dress all dolled up anymore. She had a mask covering her face and an oversized sweater. “Thank you, Renjun,” she said as he left me alone with her. 

“Hello, my name is y/n.” she introduced and I nodded acknowledging her and waiting as to why she was here. “I wanted to ask what happened when I was with you?” she asked me and I debated it. She’d be another blackmail victim…

I shook my head. I couldn’t let another innocent person go down… especially one with hybrids she takes care of. 

“Please… I know rumors are going around against your owner. Those bandages on your neck also tell me that you’re hurt. She was abusive, right?” she asked and I didn’t know what to say. 

“I just want to know what happened? If you talk to the employees she won't ever cause you any more trouble” she said and I wanted so badly to believe her. 

“This is the Seoul Hybrid Rehabilitation Center, they have enough funds that no one here can be paid off. I also have friends investigating the Seoul Police Department” she said and I was shocked. 

“Not to mention lawyers if it gets even more messy. I just need the truth” she asked and I sighed. “I don’t want you to get into trouble. You seem like a genuine person” I confessed and I noticed how the corner of her eyes lifted as if she was smiling under that mask. 

“Which is why I need your help. I promise, if you want to be free I can make that happen”

She left after making that promise. I was still on edge if I should help her. 

The daughter of a CEO… of course, she’d have a connection but how was I a hundred percent sure she wouldn’t be faking it? 

“Come on, Yeosang we need to do a check-up”

y/n’s perspective

I left hoping he’d think about my deal. The nice thing about having the reputation that I do is that people offer their help to me without thinking twice. 

Taeyong was personally investigating, Jaehyun offered to be my lawyer if it got messy, and Kun was letting me see Yeosang. 

“Everyone is talking about it! Twitter is suspecting her abuser allegations!” Wonyoung said while showing me her phone to see social media completely eat her up. 

“She still hasn't made a statement but I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up lying to save herself,” NingNing said. “Yah! You’re so lucky to have him” Winter said as she ate Wooyoung’s cooking. I chuckled… I'm glad they get along with my hybrids even if San does keep his distance. Wooyoung loves having the attention and praise of others which was cute to see his big smile and tail wag. 

“There's a possibility that you might be in her statement,” Wonyoung said and I sighed. “If that's the case, she’ll get an email from Jaehyun that I'm gonna sue her,” I said and they nodded. 

“y/n-nnie!! Your phone is ringing!!” I heard Wooyoung say as he handed me my phone. “Kun?” I said while answering. “Can you come by? Yeosang is demanding to speak with you, he’s causing Doyoung some trouble” he said with a tired voice. 

“Sure,” I said and the girls looked at me expectantly. “Yeosang has something to say to me?” I said and they nodded. “Come on, I'll have the driver take you!” Wonyoung said as the girls packed up. 

“When will you come back?” I heard Wooyoung ask as I now saw San by his side having his chin on his shoulder. “I don’t know but it shouldn't be long. I'll call if I come back late” I said and they nodded. 

“Wooyoung!! Your cooking is amazing as always! y/n is lucky!!” Winter said and he thanked her with a grin. “You’ll get her back soon boys, don’t look so grumpy~,” Wonyoung said as San looked away dismissively. 

“I’ll be back soon!”

“Hello,” I said as I approached the kennel. I knew the day I spoke to him he was scared… and hesitant. He also had bandages wrapped around his neck from what I assumed to be from his collar. 

“Is she going to get me?” he asked me with his voice trying to stay strong… but even then I heard his shaky tone. “Not legally… she did come apparently trying to get you. It's like I said though… they can't be paid off” I said and he nodded. 

“And you?” he asked and I was confused at what he was implying. “Can you be paid off?” he asked and I smiled. “No, I can run this whole city if I wanted to. I can buy everything she owns too, so no I can’t be paid off” I answered and I swear I saw his tail wag slightly. 

“Adopt me,” he said and I was shocked. Did I hear wrong? “If you adopt me I'll tell you everything, '' he said and I scoffed. “It doesn’t work that way… I don’t if you're doing this for her but I can make sure you're safe” I promised and he sighed. 

“Can I ask why you'd adopt hybrids?” he asked me and I smiled softly. “Well, I don’t know, I never wanted one. But I met a hybrid that immediately fell for me. He then found a companion, despite not being good with others and now they’re with me” I explained and I didn’t notice how he was giving me a sad look. Almost like a look of sad jealousy. He smiled softly like he was happy… but also bitter. 

“I’m sorry,” he said and I was confused. “Why?” I asked and he sighed. 

“I’m not telling you anything, not until you adopt me” 

“Who does he think he is?! Does he think he can just replace us?!” I heard San yell at Wooyoung. I told them about his request. I noticed San’s annoyance spike and Wooyoung seemed insecure but neither expressed it. 

Hearing San yell his frustration made me chuckle. It made me realize just how much he’s grown and accepted me. “She wouldn’t take his proposition. She loves us” Wooyoung said and I heard San take a deep breath. “It's not about that. I know she’d never… but it's about another hybrid challenging us Wooyoung. Trying to take her from us” he said with possession. “It sounds like he wants it for protection. Not because he wants a second life” Wooyoung said and I agreed. He wanted to be free from her abuse. 

“I guess… who does he think he is tho. I hate how she’s still looking for evidence because of what that girl did. Spiked her drink to gain blackmail…” he muttered and I finally decided to step out.

“Don’t worry about that” I said and he sighed as he looked at me with a softer expression and a smile. “What's the hybrid’s name?” Wooyoung asked me and I would have answered– “Who cares?” San muttered grumpier than usual. 

“y/nnie his attitude is insufferable!!” Wooyoung said as he tackled me in a hug which I reciprocated. “Do you have to go back today?” San asked and I sighed. “Unfortunately, yes. I have a lawsuit that needs to get out rather quickly for athletes before she uploads a video twisting my situation” I said and they nodded. 

“At least eat breakfast,” Wooyoung said and I nodded. 

He fixed up a plate for me whilst they talked about a new comeback they saw on the TV. San has grown to really enjoy watching TV with Wooyoung which is sweet. Wooyoung with his perverted habit of sneaking into my room reads my books or at least the newest draft which I named circus. 

It was nice to know they had hobbies other than hanging out with me. It was reassuring when I left the apartment. I just hated how he wished to join me outside but he couldn't because of his hatred of crowded areas or even around other hybrids. Wooyoung also said how he didn’t want to cause unnecessary attention and opted out joining me despite sometimes going with me when it comes to common everyday things like grocery shopping. 

They lived comfortably. 

The opposite of the hybrid is now in front of me. 

Yeosang… a doberman hybrid, victim of abuse. And one who has refused to speak to me unless it's about me adopting him. One who also caused a lot of issues to the staff that he’s been considered to go up to red code territory. 

“Change your mind?” he asked and I shook my head. “Yeosang, you have to understand I have two hybrids already. One of them… well he’s previously a red code hybrid. He’s still considered the lowest to be on yellow. He isn’t good with other hybrids” I said and he scoffed. 

“Then why adopt such a troublesome hybrid?” he asked and I smiled. “Cause he deserved a chance–” “Are you saying I don't?” He cut me off and I shook my head. “You do. Yeosang you have a better chance of getting adopted, you’re a very pretty hybrid and well-behaved. You do have some behavior training that needs to be fixed but someone will adopt you” I explained and he sighed. 

“Just so what? I get abused again? Used for my reputation, used for sex, used! That's all I'm good for?!” he asked and I shook my head at his sudden outburst. He was angry but I saw his eyes turn glassy before he turned away and faced the corner of his kennel. 

“Yeosang… I’m sorry” was all I could say to the hybrid whose shoulders were now shaking and his ears faced flat on his ears. “You can’t tell me what to do! He’s mine, understand?!” I heard as I saw Renjun trying to stop a girl my age from stomping her heels over. 

“You! How dare you?! Abuse?! Me, abuse him? Never, and you little bitch tried your way with him. Disgusting really!” she said with her princess attitude. I noticed Yeosang hide further into a corner almost like he was hoping to disappear. 

“Yeosang~,” she said in a fake ‘soothing’ voice. “I’ll get you out of here, and we'll be together my precious boy,” she said and he now looked back almost like he wanted to believe her. 

Kun told me how he showed signs of a deprived hybrid. Meaning if she said the right things he’ll go back to her without any other words. 

“You won’t win the lawsuit. I’ll take you to court and I'll make sure the judge knows how you aren’t responsible enough to take care of your hybrid let alone two” she threatened and I glared. 

“You’re trespassing on private property, so you can either relieve yourself with your last warning or the police will be involved” I heard as I saw Kun. She scoffed and smiled her sweetly fake grin. 

“I’ll be back for you, Yeosang” 

yeosang’s pov

When she left, they asked y/n to leave as well. 

She adopted a troublesome hybrid… an abused hybrid. That was her excuse for not adopting me. Maybe she was lying? Everyone lies to get what they want… It's what my owner does. 

It was stupid to try… the punishment I get when I go back to the stupid suite will be the worst yet. 

“Yeosang, unresponsive” I heard as I didn’t move from my corner anymore. Everything was pointless. I’ll also be the reason for her losing her hybrids. Troubled hybrid who got a better second chance… Why did I have to be selfish?

I looked back to see two employees and the doctor with protective gloves to handle me.

“I’ll talk…  but only to her,” I said, one more time. 

Please let me see the angel without her wings. At least... one last time.

The doctor rolled his eyes. “Then, behave for now,” he said as I complied with them as they did their check-up and for once. I didn’t cause him trouble…

They left me in the doctor’s room when the door finally opened after some time. 

“Hello,” she said with a worried expression. “You don’t have to worry about me,” I said and she sighed, not shaking her worry.

“She’s been doing it for years. Blackmail, she would sometimes have people pay for ‘services’-”

it disgusted me that I had to explain but I had to fix what I did to her

“-or she’d spike them and have them go to an apartment she rents. It's filled with sex toys and even accommodates several kinks. She explained to me that she wanted you in her spider web of networking. So she spiked you and asked me to comply. The thing is… every person is disgusting. Drunk or sober they always go through with it… but not you? Why?” I asked curious and she sighed. 

“I don’t know. People say that when you’re drunk you do or say things your conscious thinks of. I have a happy life, Yeosang” she said and I chuckled. 

“Unfortunately, it doesn't end there. She’s abusive, physically and mentally. The medical records show it… and I think the other doctor has been analyzing me” I confessed and she smiled. 

“Thank you,” she said and I nodded. “I’m jealous of your hybrids. Even if I do go back to her, I'm glad I got to meet an angel like you” I said and she sighed. 

“Yeosang, even if it's not with me. I promise you’ll live a happier life without her” she said and as much as I wished to believe her. 

But… I at least knew even angels lied. 

y/n’s perspective

'It's all over Twitter!' Wonyoung texted through kakaotalk. The lawsuit was now public… there was hate between both sides. Mine and hers…

Mainly hers, with Yeosang’s statement but I felt guilty that he was now living in a cage when he asked me several times to take him in. 

“It's over!” Wooyoung said as the final statements were all over the news. “Do you regret telling him no?” San asked me and I shook my head. “I’m too much of an empathetic person, that's why I'm sad about it… but I could never choose Yeosang over you guys” I confessed and I noticed Wooyoung’s ears stand up. He had a horrified expression. 

“Yeosang? His name was Yeosang?!” he asked and I nodded. “You’re reacting like you knew him personally,” San said, confused at the fox’s sudden temper. 

“He was my friend! I was in the same adoption center as him. He’s a doberman hybrid that I met…” he said with a sad expression. I was gonna comfort him when I got a text…

Doyoung SOS !! Yeosang’s owner is demanding custody of him. Paparazzi are everywhere, please help !! 

I sighed and grabbed a coat. “What happened?” San asked and I sighed. “Yeosang’s owner is bringing her statement to the rehabilitation center” I explained and Wooyoung put his shoes on and coat hurriedly. “I’m coming with you!” he demanded and San scoffed while following us. 

I didn’t want to argue with them, not when what she could do could ruin my reputation but also get Yeosang back. 

After running like madmen in the streets of Seoul we got here to the front of the hybrid center where I bullied my way through the paparazzi and reporters. “Jeno!” I said and he recognized my voice as he hurdley let me in despite the protests of the media trying to get in. 

“I would never abuse a hybrid!” I heard as I noticed she was even filming. “I won’t leave, it's my right, he's my hybrid!!” she said and I scoffed at her demanding attitude. 

“You!” she said as she spotted me and started recording me. “How does it feel that you ruined my life and Yeosang's!” she demanded and I scoffed.

“Medical records prove to be different” I muttered and she scoffed. “Forged everything you did! You bought your way through this with daddy’s money!” she yelled and I would’ve fought her on it if I didn’t see the scared doberman now come out with Kun.

"Oh my poor baby!” she said and he shook his head while trying to hide behind Kun. “He’s scared of you,” I said and she scoffed. “Are these your alleged hybrids? The ones who should be euthanized for the illegal hybrid rings?” she asked and I glared. 

“That's none of your business, not when you're no better than the people who operate that cruel organization,” I said and she glared.

“It's my word versus yours–” “You’re a horrible person. I hate you when all I wanted was a fraction of what she gives her hybrids–" "Cut the tapes!” she yelled while Yeosang yelled at her. “-I never want to be in that situation again!” he yelled with tears rolling down his cheeks. 

“How much money do I have to pay you?” she now said while looking around the room. She now looked at me. “How much, name a price?” she asked almost desperate now and I smiled. 

“I don’t want your filthy money, I’d rather see your face in a courtroom,” I said and she scoffed and ran out of the building.

“Yeosang!” I heard Wooyoung now tackled the doberman.

“Wooyoung?” he asked, clearly shocked at the sudden hug from the fox hybrid. “Go back to the kennels, y/n you can talk to him there,” Kun said as Renjun led us to his kennel. 

“Thank you,” Yeosang said to me. “For what?” I asked and he sighed. “For not putting a price on me” he muttered and I smiled a sad smile. Wooyoung was crouched and leaning against the glass wall separating him from his friend. 

San had made his way to grip my arm in security. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, '' Wooyoung said softly and he nodded. “I’m happy that you got out of here. I remember the day you got sent to the adoption center only to be taken by your previous owners and taken here I presume?” he asked and Wooyoung confirmed. 

“Maybe I will be given a second chance. But thank you y/n, if it wasn't for you I’d still be in hell” he said and I sighed. “Maybe in another life, we could be adopted together,” Wooyoung said, making Yeosang smile softly. “Maybe in this life you can?” San said and I looked at him to already meet my eyes. 

“I don’t like him. But… I didn’t like Wooyoung when I first met him either” he said, making me laugh and Wooyoung let out a “Hey!” in response. 

“You mean it?” I asked and he nodded. I’m guessing he must’ve seen himself in the doberman hybrid. “You’ll adopt me?” he asked and I smiled “Only if you’d let me?” I asked and he chuckled.

“I could never say no to an angel”

@wonuangel @danirael @angelsaway @krissroo @minkysmilk @mayonnaise-on-toast @robertsbbygirl @superbbananananana @hyukssunflower @kitty4hwa @justconniez @senpai-of-doom @kibs-and-bits @caityelise99 @ilovekinny @ateezennie23 @wooahaelemons @purplelady85 @watamotee33@chidess97 @littlelostdemonofthelight @maliamaiden @burntarm1n @spooo00oky @eastleighsblog @momo-peachy @kitstar1117 @quartzpirate @sunnyhokyu @iwishiwasrichasfuck @theginger543210 @pandolinka @ddaeing @kpopnightingale @slid3er @kekdo-520 @puppyminnnie @sparklinghwa222 @calicanbeevil @itsvxlentine @atinism @loumin908 @smally97 @rxnexxi @acetruepunk @majesticbeluga @namjooncrabs @tashizxy @itstheghostofmypast @smilefordongil @teeziny @totallynotlyntv @kyeos4ng @prodsh00ky @acescavern

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[deliciousangelfestival]

Glad You Broke Up || Bucky Barnes - Chp 2

Character: Bucky × Reader

Summary: On New Year's Eve, Y/N, dealing with a recent breakup, finds herself in an unexpected situation.

Warning: Smuts, there's a s*x scene. Minors do not enter.

Chapters: Chap 1, Chapt 2 , Chap 3 , Chapt 4 , -

Main Masterlist || support: Ko-fi

As Y/N's memory of the previous night flooded back, she couldn't shake the realization that she had sought solace in the arms of Bucky.

Conflicted emotions tugged at her heart, questioning the blurred lines between a momentary escape and a genuine connection.

As Bucky stirred, his eyes met hers with a sleepy yet inviting gaze. His low and seductive voice resonated in the room as he called her name sweetly, causing a shiver to run down her spine.

"Morning," Bucky said, his lips curving into a charming smile as he propped himself on one elbow. The warmth of his presence wrapped around her, creating a cocoon of intimacy.

Y/N, feeling a mix of embarrassment and uncertainty, murmured an apology. "I can't believe I let last night happen, Bucky. I'm sorry."

As Bucky leaned in, his lips brushed against hers in a tender kiss. The softness and warmth of the gesture took Y/N by surprise, momentarily distracting her from the whirlwind of emotions within.

Breaking the kiss, Bucky spoke softly, his breath caressing her lips. 

Bucky brushed off her apology with a gentle laugh. "No need to apologize, Y/N. Besides, you're not using me; we found comfort in each other's company."

The sunlight streamed through the curtains, casting a soft glow on their entwined figures. Y/N couldn't help but be captivated by the vulnerability and sincerity in Bucky's expression.

Y/N's phone pierced through the quiet morning with its insistent ringtone.

'Ring'

She fumbled to retrieve it from the bedside table, her heart racing as the familiar sound returned memories from the night before.

On New Year's Eve

Y/N's hands trembled as she unscrewed the cap of the wine bottle, the bitterness of the liquid serving as a temporary escape from the bitter break-up.

Just as she raised the bottle to her lips, Bucky's hand gently but firmly intercepted her, preventing the impulsive action. His touch was both a physical barrier and a silent plea for her to reconsider.

"Y/N, drinking won't solve anything," Bucky said with a calm yet concerned tone, his eyes reflecting a mix of understanding and worry.

"I thought today finally happened," Y/N confessed, her voice laced with sadness and frustration.

Bucky, his fingers gently tracing comforting circles on her back, looked down at her with a furrowed brow. "What were you hoping for today?"

Y/N, under the influence of alcohol and the raw emotions of the night, became disarmingly honest. "I was prepared to have sex with my ex," she admitted her words carrying a mixture of vulnerability and openness.

Her fingers fumbled with the collar of her dress, and she pulled it down, revealing the intricate lingerie she had chosen for the occasion. "Look, I spent hours buying this lingerie," she confessed, the sheer fabric accentuating the curves of her body.

Bucky, caught off guard by the unexpected revelation and the alluring display before him, let out a cough, a subtle attempt to regain his composure.

In response, he wrapped Y/N's body with his leather suit, a protective gesture that sought to shield her from the raw intensity of the moment.

"Alright, let's get you home," Bucky suggested, his voice a soothing anchor amid Y/N's intoxicated vulnerability.

However, Y/N shook her head, her expression fraught with worry. "I can't, Bucky. My housemate is throwing a party in our apartment, and I promised her I wouldn't come back tonight."

Bucky glanced at Vincent, still immersed in his DJ duties, the vibrant beats echoing through the club. It was evident that neither Y/N's brother nor her housemate would soon leave the festivities.

A decisive look crossed Bucky's face as he turned back to Y/N. "My place, then," he offered with a reassuring smile.

At Bucky’s Apartment. 

Bucky carefully assisted Y/N as she settled onto the plush cushions of his couch. Her form curled up in a mixture of exhaustion, and the remnants of intoxication prompted a gentle concern in him. He assured her with a comforting pat on her shoulder, "Take it easy, Y/N. I'll be right back."

Bucky held the glass of water in his hand, intending to offer Y/N a refreshing drink to help ease the effects of the alcohol. However, as he reentered the living room, what he saw caused him to freeze in his tracks.

Y/N, making herself more comfortable, had taken off her dress, leaving her in nothing but her lingerie. The soft glow of the city lights filtering through the windows accentuated the vulnerability and intimacy of the moment.

Bucky's breath caught in his throat for a split second as he registered the unexpected sight. The air in the room seemed to thicken with a newfound tension, the unspoken implications of the situation hanging in the air.

A flush of embarrassment crept up Bucky's neck as he averted his gaze, trying to give Y/N the privacy she might not have realized she needed. He quickly set the glass of water down on the nearby table, his mind racing with emotions.

"Y/N, um... I brought you some water," Bucky stammered, his voice betraying a hint of nervousness. He tried to keep his tone casual despite the subtle shift in the atmosphere.

As Y/N slowly opened her eyes, the fatigue from crying in Bucky's car still evident in her gaze, she grumbled, "I was hoping something would happen today. This outfit is crazy expensive."

Bucky, caught off guard by her sudden change in tone, watched as she revealed her lingerie, a bold move that both surprised and intrigued him. Her words hung in the air, creating a charged atmosphere as she climbed onto his lap.

"It'll be a waste if no one sees it. Bucky, it's beautiful, right?" she asked, her eyes searching for validation.

The room seemed to tighten, a palpable tension enveloping them. Bucky, a man of self-control, felt a sudden surge of conflicting emotions. Her proximity and the audacious display stirred something within him, challenging the carefully maintained boundaries.

He hesitated for a moment, grappling with the intensity of the situation. The delicate lace of her lingerie, the vulnerability in her eyes, and the unresolved emotions from the night created a perfect storm. Bucky's hands hovered, caught between restraint and desire.

With a deep breath, he gently held her waist, a silent acknowledgment of the connection that had unfolded between them. His touch conveyed reassurance and caution, his eyes meeting hers with a mixture of understanding and a hint of turmoil.

"Bucky..." Y/N's voice wavered, uncertainty lingering in the air. 

Bucky's Adam's apple rolled down, and in a hoarse, husky voice, he declared, "I may have self-control, but sweetheart, even I won't be able to resist this irresistible temptation. You're a damn masterpiece in that outfit."

Y/N's face flushed, a mixture of alcohol-induced warmth and unspoken desire. Cupping Bucky's face, she looked into his eyes with a boldness that matched the moment's intensity.

"You're more handsome than him. You should've been my boyfriend. If you weren't my brother's friend, I'd ask you out," she confessed, her words carrying the weight of vulnerability and a raw, unfiltered longing.

After she said that, Bucky’s penis was hard against her bottom part. 

Forget about his friendship. Tonight, he’ll fuck her best friend's sister and deal with the consequences later. 

******

Y/N’s body was soft and rubbing against Bucky. His hard cock pressed against her hole through his pants. He eased himself by moving a little.

Y/N moaned, “Ahh, keep moving.”

With her encouragement, it ignited him more. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and with a swift move, he carried her to his bedroom; since he has a muscular body underneath his clothes, it’s easy for him. 

Bucky gently put Y/N on the bed; his gaze never left her. He looks at her intimately. 

Bucky gently placed Y/N on the bed, feeling the charged atmosphere's weight. His gaze lingered on her, capturing every nuance of the vulnerability and desire that played across her flushed face. The room seemed to shrink, leaving only the intimacy shared between them. 

Bucky sucked on Y/N’s lips as if he were sucking sweet nectar flower a flower. He pushed his tongue into her mouth. The actions filled Y/N's entire body with a tingling sensation. 

Whenever he kissed her lips, she felt like she was going insane. Y/N twisted her body, trying to escape, but Bucky pressed down on her.

He pulled away from her lips and began to noble and suck on her earlobe. He growled; his deep voice sounded so seductive that it made her shoulders tremble as she whimpered.

His fingers stroke her breast, and his other hand rubs her little hole. Y/N felt the area between her legs grow wet as Bucky kept teasing her. But she couldn’t say a word because her mind went blank.

She wondered how he became so good at this. When does he find time for a workout, considering he's a workaholic?

Bucky seems to understand her frustration without speaking since he feels it, too. He wants to penetrate her soon. He lowered his pants and his drawers and threw them to the floor. He pulled out his swollen cock; it was bobbing slightly, taping his beautiful abs.

Y/N widened her eyes, she expected his cock would be significant, but seeing it wither her own eyes, it was fascinating. It was already covered in a watery fluid.

Bucky brought her hand to his cock. The sticky fluid touched her palm. Each time she moved her hand up and down, a moan hissed out through Bucky’s clenched teeth. 

Bucky pulled out his t-shirt; because of it, she could see the well-defined muscles of his chest and abdomen. 

Then he stopped her hand from moving and said, “You did well, but I think my dick is about to burst.” 

Just as he finished speaking, something thick plunged into her body. She felt his cock slide along her inner walls. She wrapped her arms around his back. 

Both of their gaze met; there was only the sound of their gasping breaths and the rising body temperature. 

His cock inside her little hole became even harder, and she couldn’t resist the shallow thrusts. Her legs wrapped around his waist, her chest pressed tightly against his chest, her nipples to rub against his. 

Her little buttocks lifted high with Bucky's thrusts, twisting like a little seductress.

Bucky let out a low gasp, feeling the tightness of her inner walls wrapped around his shaft, giving him much pleasure.

"Can... can you go faster..." Y/N, having adapted to the feel of the man inside her, gradually became unsatisfied with the shallow thrusts. She whispered into his ear, "Like just now, fuck me hard."

As she spoke, Bucky's eyelids twitched. He looked at her innocent yet suggestive appearance with half-lowered eyes, feeling as though his soul was about to be sucked out by this little devil.

"So naughty." Bucky said, biting her lip.

Y/N bit her lips, looking at him with a seductive gaze.

Bucky found her small movements adorable. He laughed softly, sitting up and grabbing her buttocks. Without a word, he pulled out his member and thrust it inside her.

"Mmm..." Y/N shuddered backward as she was being fucked, and was pulled back by Bucky, who was pinching her butt.

The meat stick mercilessly went in and out of her body, bringing out a stream of lewd fluid every time it entered with a "plop".

Y/N's toes curled in pleasure, biting her fingers and moaning, leaving a row of teeth marks on her hand in no time.

"Feels so good...uhh...hitting the right spot..."

Her sensitive spot was being teased by the head of his member, causing Y/N to tremble with excitement. She leaned back on Bucky's shoulder, her neck arched, and her lips slightly parted as she gasped for air.

Bucky pulled down her collar and left a trail of kisses on her neck.

Two people intertwined without distinguishing between you and me, making love, embracing.

From the bed to the windowsill, moonlight falls on the naked bodies of the two, giving them a faint silver glow.

As he reached the climax, he turned her over and fucked her again in a doggy-styled position.

Y/N yelled lewdly and happily twisted her buttocks to meet Bucky’s thick and long cock.

“Does it feel good?” Bucky said obscenely as he supported her buttocks and fuck her non-stop.

Y/N nodded with tears in her eyes, "Feels good."

Her tight hole was being pounded relentlessly, waves of pleasure coursing through her body.

"No...I can't...I'm about to cum..." Y/N arched her body in ecstasy, her chin lifted.

"Ah...ahhh..."

Her whole body trembled as her little hole spasmed uncontrollably.

Bucky let out a low groan, his hands grabbing her waist. As he relaxed his muscles, hot semen shot inside her body.

She held her abdomen and felt as if it was filled with Bucky's semen.

Bucky chuckled and embraced her, kissing her from her forehead to her lips.

"Did you enjoy it?" he asked.

Y/N's tired fingers didn't want to move, and she nodded softly, "Mmm... I love it…”

Bucky's body flinched at the admission, the word 'love' hanging like a tantalizing promise. It stirred something within him, a desire that went beyond the boundaries of friendship. 

The realization hit him like lightning – he wasn't content with the current dynamic.

He didn't want Y/N to be just his best friend's sister; he craved something more. He longed to redefine the connection between them, to have her as a friend and his woman. 

The weight of this revelation settled over him, transforming the charged atmosphere into a palpable anticipation of what might come next.

Chapters: Chap 1, Chapt 2 , Chap 3 , Chapt 4 , -

Author Note: The next chapter will be spicy too.

Author Note 2 : ✨✨✨

Hey friends,

If you've been enjoying the content, I've set up a Ko-fi account. Your support through tips would mean the world and help me keep creating. Only if you feel like it!

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[simplybakugou]

Story Mode 2 | Mystic Academia: Kaminari Denki's Route

⋆ PAIRING: gamer/streamer!kaminari x fem!reader ⋆ WARNINGS/TAGS: mentions of hospital and stab wound ⋆ WORD COUNT: 845

A/N: second story mode yup yup yup. might've turned a little different from what you guys expected hehe. and yes this is the third update in a day and the second in a single night i'm genuinely on a roll

NOTE: credits to @eraserhead-transparents for the kaminari cap

Mystic Academia: Kaminari Denki's Route Masterlist

Kaminari felt like he was about to lose his mind. He felt restless, both physically and mentally, as he laid in his hospital bed waiting for the doctor’s examination results. His stab wound had been treated and had been bandaged with gauze inside neatly by the medical professionals. He didn’t recall most of this process as he had nearly passed out from the amount of blood he lost from the car ride to the hospital. All he could remember was Sero’s frantic bursts as his friend was terrified of what had happened to Kaminari.

The curtain dividing his bed from others in the room was pulled back as a doctor with a surgical mask and glasses entered his space. Despite the mask covering the doctor’s face, Kaminari recognized the crinkles by their eyes as a smile.

“I’ve got good news for you, Mr. Kaminari.” The doctor paused to look down at their clipboard in their hands as they examined Kaminari’s test results. “Surgery isn’t needed for your wound, fortunately. The knife avoided any arteries and nerves and it wasn’t dug deep enough for surgery. The stitches I administered when you came will be enough.”

The doctor further explained instructions on how to take care of the wound, offering to provide print out instructions after seeing Kaminari’s dazed expression.

“Also, a visitor is here for you,” the doctor stated, bowing as they exited Kaminari’s space.

“Sero, dude, you don’t have to keep apologizing. Everything’s fine,” Kaminari reassured with a sigh, leaning back in his bed as he was convinced his friend was behind the curtain.

“Actually, I wanted to apologize this time.” Kaminari’s eyes widened at the sight of Deku entering his hospital room, an apologetic smile on his face.

“Deku?!” Kaminari exclaimed. “Dude, what’re you doing here? Sero said you were in another country.”

“I was but I got back earlier today.” Deku sat himself down on the stool by Kaminari’s bed. “Sero called me when he was driving you to the hospital and he was panicking. He told me how you didn’t want the others to find out about what happened at the base and he didn’t know what to do or who to call so he called me.”

“That idiot,” Kaminari said with a sigh, shaking his head. “Well as you can see I’m fine so…”

Deku sighed this time. “I didn’t just come here to see if you were okay. I wanted to apologize.”

“Apologize? But you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But I did. I should’ve taken the security situation Y/N went through at the office more seriously. I know she technically has my job but it’s my responsibility if something happens to her or the rest of you. And to hear that Kirishima was being stalked and you got hurt… I can’t help but feel guilty.” He looked down, shaking his head at himself. 

“Don’t worry about it, man.” Kaminari smiled. “We know you’re busy now and you wanted someone else to take over MFA for a while which is why you asked Y/N to, right? We can take care of ourselves.”

Deku returned the smile, nodding once in affirmation. “I’m glad. You’ve grown a lot since the day we met.”

“Oh, come on! I was eighteen when we met! Of course I’ve grown since then.” Kaminari paused for a moment. “But how have you been? We’ve been complaining how hard it is to get a hold of you.”

“I’m doing alright. I’ve just been going through some things with the photography business which is why I’ve been traveling a lot. I actually have to catch a flight tonight.”

“Tonight? So you’re not going to make it to the party tomorrow?” Kaminari questioned, a hint of disappointment laced in his tone.

“Unfortunately, no.” Deku paused. “But I’m sure Y/N will do an amazing job. And… “ He stood to his feet, getting ready to leave before finishing his sentence. “I hope your relationship with her goes well.”

“Wait, how did you… So you do read the chats!”

Deku laughed. “I pop in to see what I’ve missed from time to time. I can’t be left behind too much now.”

The two laughed and Kaminari felt at ease. Lingering worries about his previous event coordinator finally subsided with Deku’s visit and he was happy Deku had visited, despite the unfortunate circumstances. 

Deku said his goodbyes before eventually having to leave to catch his flight. 

Kaminari leaned back in his bed, resting his eyes for a moment. He felt a twinge of guilt for keeping what had happened at the secret base from you and the rest of MFA and for making Sero keep the secret as well. But he didn’t want to worry his friends.

Kaminari pulled the thin hospital bed sheet up to his chest as he tried to get some sleep. He wasn’t to be discharged from the hospital until tomorrow. He decided he’d tell the rest of the organization what had actually happened tomorrow once he got home. After all, there’s no way anyone found out… right?

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[gleamingyu]

anti-hero.

part II of the midnights series. inspired by taylor swift’s midnights. part I

pairing: music-producer!seungcheol x lawyer!fem!reader [exes-to-lovers]

genre: angst. fluff.

warnings: she/her pronouns for reader (but no specific physical characteristics). a bucketload of angst (i'm so sorry). light cursing. terrible knowledge of law stuff. so much crying yikes. miscommunication & misunderstandings. mentions of drinking and allusions to driving under the influence (do not do that ever!!). reader might seem a bit unlikeable in this chapter, but it's all part of the plot, okay?? she's trying her best. mentions of intimacy and sex (??), nothing graphic tho. slow burn. alternating povs. jihan as my lovely, beautiful, in love babies (yes they're a couple). some petnames (baby, babe). flashbacks are in italics. lower caps intended [if there’s anything i missed, please let me know!]

word count: approx. 8.1k (idk what happened)

notes: finally managed to work on my baby again. i'm sorry for the long wait but i had a lot of shit going on :/ thank you to everyone who showed love on the first part, i love each and every single on of you!! once again, likes, reblogs and comments are more than appreciated :)

summary: seungcheol wants to fix things; you want to avoid him at all costs. one thing is for sure, though. neither of you will have closure until you talk.

four months ago

the silence ringing inside seungcheol’s ears was even louder than the ambient noise of the restaurant he found himself in.

he genuinely couldn’t believe you were doing this to him again. the time was nearing 8 p.m., almost an hour later than when you were supposed to be here, and seungcheol was trying very hard to ignore the pitiful glances the waiters were not-so-subtly throwing him. he didn’t know what frustrated him more; the fact this was the seventh date you were clearly canceling on, or that you hadn’t updated him on your whereabouts in almost half an hour. if you weren’t going to show up, the least you could do is call and let seungcheol know you were gonna meet him at home.

home. funny how the word no longer brought a sense of peace in seungcheol’s heart.

just as he was about to get up and leave, seungcheol felt his phone buzz in the pocket of his pants, and his heart soared when he saw your name displayed on the screen. maybe you were going to make it after all, maybe you could still enjoy the nice evening he had planned, maybe…

“cheol… i’m so sorry.”

you were not coming.

seungcheol could tell from the apologetic tone in your voice. he didn’t even hear the next words that came from your end, whatever excuse you had to offer getting lost in the sound of his heart breaking. the grip he had on his phone was the only thing anchoring him in that moment, his eyes closed as he was trying to push down the tears that were threatening to spill out. he could hear you calling his name, are you there? but all he could offer was an “i’ll see you at home” before ending the call.

there was no part of you that was ready to face what awaited you on the other side of your apartment door.

the day hadn’t gone as you’d planned. you knew seungcheol had plans for the two of you that evening, so you had decided to wake up and go to the office earlier than usual in order to finish what you were working on in time for your date. but when you woke up that morning, you found seungcheol in the kitchen, diligently trying his best at making breakfast for the two of you. you melted at the sight of your boyfriend wearing your peach-colored apron – and nothing underneath but a pair of sweatpants – and you didn’t have the heart to turn him down when he oh-so-gleefully presented you with what could only be described as an admirable attempt at pancakes. moments like these were rare in your lives, with both of your hectic schedules and whatnot, so you sat down and enjoyed the warmth that came from the food, the sun coming in through the curtains, and seungcheol’s smile.

the sense of peace that came with spending the morning with seungcheol quickly dispersed once you arrived at the office and realized you were late, which gave your boss – mr. moon, a pathetic, greedy, and cruel excuse of a man who lived to make the lives of his employees a living hell – the perfect excuse to make you his target of the day. in addition to the case you were supposed to work on, mr. moon decided to dump on you stacks of paperwork that apparently needed to be taken care of by tonight, a task that normally a damn paralegal could take care of – no offense to paralegals.

normally you wouldn’t put up with this type of behavior. you weren’t raised to let people just walk all over you as they damn pleased. but around the office, there was one unspoken rule that everyone learned as soon as they started working here; ‘whatever mr. moon says, goes.’ besides, moon was the only person on the board of directors that could veto promotions in the firm, so until you could see the words senior associate inscribed under your name on the door of your office, you’d have to shut your mouth and take whatever was thrown at you with your head held high.

that isn’t to say that sometimes you wished mr. moon would get hit by a bus, ‘mean girls’ style. today had been one of those days, as the hours trickled by, closer and closer to when you should leave for your date with seungcheol, and yet mr. moon seemed to have a continuous stream of tasks that needed to be done, by you specifically. you realized you would never make it in time to see seungcheol, and so, tonight marked the seventh date you had to cancel because of work.

now, with the time on your phone reading 22:32, you were standing outside your apartment, bracing yourself for the talk you knew you were going to have with seungcheol. letting out a big exhale, you punched in the door code and let yourself in, the quietness of the apartment immediately enveloping you.

for a split second, you thought seungcheol might have gone to sleep already, but the faint sound of glass redirected you towards the kitchen, where you found said man standing by the kitchen island, nursing a glass of wine. you recognized the bottle mingyu had gifted him on his birthday that year, some fancy brand you’d never heard of before. as you stepped closer, the dim light of the kitchen finally illuminating you, seungcheol turned towards you, an inscrutable look on his face.

after four years of learning, knowing, loving seungcheol, you prided yourself in being able to discern what he was feeling at any given moment. but now, standing in front of him, you were scared to admit that you couldn’t read whatever feelings his eyes held. it made you feel uneasy, the way it seemed like he was looking through you, into you, and you wished you could come up with something to say to disturb the uncomfortable silence, but saying i’m sorry seemed redundant in that moment.

“a bit late, isn’t it?” seungcheol spoke up, and your heart clenched at the cold, almost mocking tone of his voice.

“i know, but i couldn’t get out faster. no matter what i said, my boss kept piling up my work and i just… i couldn’t. i’m so sorry… you know i wanted to come, more than anything. i really did,” you said, silently pleading that seungcheol would forgive you.

“i’m sure you did,” seungcheol gruffed, turning his attention back to the wine before him.

“cheol… don’t be like this, please…” you tried getting closer to him, but his body whipped towards you, his eyes narrowing at you.

“like what, exactly? angry? frustrated? sad? disappointed? i can be like that, actually, seeing as this is the seventh time in 3 months you’ve ditched me for work, apparently!” seungcheol spewed, making you take several steps back. your body tenses.

“‘apparently?’ what is that supposed to mean?”

“i don’t know, it just seems very unlikely that you’d have to sometimes spend more than twelve hours at work. i mean, you’re a lawyer, aren’t you? surely, you should know everything about workplace laws,” seungcheol bit back. he’s never spoken to you like this before, ever, the mockery in his voice surely aimed to hurt you. you felt anger bubbling in the pit of your stomach, but you tried your best to stay calm, for the sake of both of you.

“seungcheol,” you said, and you couldn’t help feeling a twinge of satisfaction seeing his eyebrows raise in surprise after hearing you use his full name. “if you have something to say, i’d rather you just do it, instead of insinuating it.”

seungcheol fell quiet for a moment, glancing down at his feet. “i meant it when i said i was held back at work, cheol. why would i lie about that?” you continued.

“for the past two years that you’ve been working there, you know i never once met any of your coworkers? i’ve never even stepped foot into your office, for god’s sake! you’ve been to my studio countless of times, you know the people i’m closest to, i’ve invited you to all the events the label organizes, so i just can’t understand! i don’t understand why you’re dead-set on keeping me away from that part of your life! and it makes me think… it makes me feel like i’m not enough, like you’re ashamed of me–”

“that’s absolutely not true, cheol!” you jumped in. you couldn’t even entertain the thought of seungcheol feeling self-conscious because of you, when it was the furthest thing you wanted. “i think you’re the most talented person i know, the most passionate, hard-working, smart… beautiful… i could never be ashamed of you.”

unshed tears were clinging to both of your lashes, heavy breathing echoing around the kitchen. how could you let things get so bad?

“it made me think there was someone else,” seungcheol breathes out.

the air gets stuck in your throat, the tears brimming in your eyes finally sliding down your face. “cheol… how could… there never was anyone! i swear, all the nights i would come home late, it was because of my work! i swear, i would never… you’re the only person that’s ever on my mind…”

silence fell over you and seungcheol, the words thrown between you slowly sinking in. seungcheol sniffled, taking a seat at the round table in the middle of the kitchen; you wished you could go to him, gather him in your arms, even though he’s too big to fit in completely, but you knew that this was probably the last thing seungcheol wanted from you in that moment.

“why don’t you quit?”

seungcheol looked up to you, the sadness in his gaze so intense it made you look away, knowing you’re to blame for it. “you complain so much about it… the hours, the work, the boss, the people. why can’t you just leave?”

you breathed in, thinking over seungcheol’s words. “because… because i love doing what i do. i feel about law the way you feel about music. it’s just the environment that’s shitty. but it’s something… that’s mine. and the kind of opportunities i got at this firm… people just starting out, like me, don’t come by them very often usually.”

there was a pause as seungcheol mulled over your words. a part of you thought, hoped, that the way the conversation was going would lead to fixing things, but then seungcheol spoke up again, and you knew. there was no fixing, not anymore.

“i was yours, too. and i would’ve never chosen music over you.”

“you say that now, but if you were put in a situation where you had to choose, i don’t think you’d have as easy of a time as you say.”

“i guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.”

and that was the end of it.

three days after your unexpected reunion with seungcheol, you find yourself back at PLEDIS, ready to tackle jihoon’s case.

the morning had gone on normally enough, with people coming in to give their testimonies regarding jihoon, his work and their relationships with him. as expected, no one had come forward with any potentially harmful or negative remarks about him, everyone applauding him for his tireless dedication to the label and the artists he worked with, as well as marveling at his seemingly innate musical talent and creativity. this was no surprise to you; having known jihoon for almost as long as you’d known seungcheol, you witnessed first-hand jihoon’s mastery of his craft, on multiple occasions. and now, with all the information you had gathered in the past three hours since arriving at PLEDIS, you were starting to feel more confident about winning this lawsuit.

initially, you had no intention of taking on jihoon’s case. the previous weekend, when mr. moon had called you in, you arrived at the firm with your mind set on demanding a break. in the past months, you might as well have changed your home address to the office, seeing as you had been working non-stop on one case after another, pulling countless sleepless nights and taking on extra paperwork as favors to some of your coworkers. and after finding out what the case was actually about, you were even more adamant about turning it down. but all the excuses you offered mr. moon were effectively shut down, leaving you almost begging the man to pass the case to someone else.

before you could use your past relationship with the other in-house music producer working at PLEDIS as an excuse, mr. moon delivered the lowest of low blows. “you know, a high profile case like this could attract lots of new clients for the firm… and put you right on the track for senior associate.”

there was no use arguing anymore after that. moon knew how much you wanted that promotion, and you were honestly not surprised to see him using it against you in order to force you into doing whatever work he wanted you to. so you shut your mouth, took the case, and then went home and cried.

yes, you cried. moving on.

seeing seungcheol again, and unexpectedly so, definitely set you a few steps back in whatever emotional healing you had done in the past few months. and it definitely made you doubt your own abilities as a lawyer. if you couldn’t put aside your personal feelings and instead focus on helping a guy who was being wrongfully accused, were you even meant to practice the law? but you had worked far too hard and sacrificed far too much to let these thoughts cloud your judgment and confidence, so you told yourself that even if you had to be in seungcheol’s proximity for the foreseeable future, your main priority was winning this case. for jihoon, and for yourself.

of course, planning to ignore the obvious feelings you still harbored for your ex-boyfriend was way easier than actually ignoring them. now, as you were gathering your things to meet wonwoo in the conference room he was stationed in, you were also mentally preparing yourself for the off-chance that you would bump into seungcheol again. considering how your luck’s been going in the past few weeks, you think the chances are pretty high.

walking through the halls of PLEDIS felt oddly familiar, and yet strange at the same time. when you and seungcheol first started dating, the label was just starting out, carrying all its business in a measly two-story building on the outskirts of town. you felt a tiny knot forming at the back of your throat, thinking how crazy it was to have witnessed the immense growth that seungcheol went through as an artist and a person, and now, to be walking amongst the fruits of the labor of his work, and so many other people’s, who built the label from the ground up.

as you grow nearer to the conference room where wonwoo was most likely waiting for you, you suddenly catch a whiff of a scent all too familiar to you. musky notes of jasmine and bergamot fill your senses, and for a brief moment, you feel an almost supernatural pull urging you to follow the indistinguishable fragrance.

you know exactly where it leads. but now is not the time.

before you can push the door open and walk into the room, your phone’s screen lights up with a text message. ‘hey honey. can you call when you have the time? she’s not having a very good day…’

you sigh, before dialing your mom’s number.

four years ago

seungcheol always smelled divine.

over the years, you’d heard so many of your friends go on and on about their boyfriends’ perfumes, and how once they found the right scent, they could charm the pants off of them with just the smell of their cologne. to you, that idea seemed entirely far-fetched, because, after all, people aren’t dogs. who in their right mind would base their selection of a partner on something as feeble as smell? even more so, an artificial smell, that didn’t even last forever.

clearly, since a few weeks ago, you haven’t been in your right mind, because you swore there was nothing better in this world than the way seungcheol smelled.

all your friends kept telling you that they’d never seen you act like this before. the honeymoon phase of your relationship had hit you pretty hard, and you were completely smitten with cheol. his smile, his eyes, his dimples, his laugh, his hair, his charm… and his scent, you couldn’t get enough of him. and now, as you were making your way towards PLEDIS together, you couldn’t help but wish you could nuzzle your face in the crook of his neck and stay there forever.

it was your first time seeing where seungcheol worked. you had been wanting to see his studio ever since he had first told you about his job (and proved that he wasn’t one of those wannabe soundcloud rappers or whatever), but considering the label wasn’t exactly in a central location, getting there proved slightly difficult. not to mention that most days, your classes ran pretty late, and seungcheol shared his studio with jihoon, the other music producer at PLEDIS, which meant you couldn’t pop in whenever you had a window of free time, so as to not disturb them.

that night, however, seungcheol decided you deserved a break from your studies, and since your midterms were coming up, it might have been one of the last times you could afford to go out before getting swept up in the craziness of exam season. so after your last class of the day, seungcheol picked you up from campus and drove you outside of town, where PLEDIS stood.

“are you absolutely sure it’s alright for me to be here? i don’t want you to get in trouble with your… superiors, if that’s what you call them,” you said, walking up the stairs closely behind cheol.

“i already told you, it’s fine! besides, you’re not planning to steal any confidential information and spread it online, are you?” he teased, stopping in front of a door that you assumed was his studio.

“hmm, i don’t know… what makes you think i’m not secretly working for one of your competitors?”

seungcheol chuckled, shaking his head, before looking back at you. “oh, baby, you and i both know you like me too much to hurt me so,” he said, finally unlocking the door and letting you step inside.

well, he wasn’t wrong.

to most people, seungcheol and jihoon’s studio might not have looked like much. it held all the standard recording and mixing equipment one would expect to find there, along with personal touches from the boys, like pictures with their friends, some posters, a couple of cd racks, as well as a couch and two huge leather desk chairs. one the other side, inside the recording booth, you could see a keyboard, a couple of guitars, and a drum set, as well as some microphones, of course. to someone who’s never stepped foot in a recording studio before, like you, the place was amazing. and not just because cheol worked in there.

“i know it’s not a lot…” seungcheol mumbles, moving besides you, his arm stretched out in a way that said you could walk around.

your hands grazed the equipment on his desk, holding yourself back in fear of breaking something. “i like it, cheol. it’s homely, and cozy. definitely a good space to get those creative juices flowing,” you gave him a genuine smile, which you could tell instantly put him at ease from the way his shoulders visibly relaxed. he grinned at you, pulling up next to you by the sound board.

“you wanna see how the magic happens?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows. you couldn’t help but groan, rolling your eyes.

“cheol, that was so cheesy… but yes, i do. please,” you said, giddy smiles taking over both of your faces.

“okay! come here,” he said, pulling you into his lap as he sat down in his desk chair. you felt your cheeks heat up at his actions, so natural and nonchalant, totally unaware of the effect he had on you. how could he be so oblivious, and quite literally torture you so? being so close to him now, his cologne starting to overpower your senses, you were sure to go dizzy.

“i’m gonna use one of the demos i have here, but for the record, i did not play anything for you while you were here, got it?” seungcheol said, opening an audio file on his laptop.

“yes, sir!” you gave him a wink, his ears turning red. cute.

for the next couple of minutes, seungcheol gives you a rundown on the soundboard, showing you what goes into recording and mixing a song, and even letting you play around with the different settings for pitch and autotune. even though it was all very interesting, nothing compared to just watching seungcheol’s excitement and passion while talking about music. every time your conversations would somehow turn towards music, his face would light up like a kid’s on christmas morning, his whole body animatedly gesturing while he rattled on about his favorite artists and composers, whatever new album came out that week, and even why a song with a good bass line is guaranteed to become a hit (yes, that was an actual discussion the two of you had once). seeing the obvious love he harbored for this art form made you ten times more enamored with him. you could already tell his passion and hard work were going to take him places, and you couldn’t wait to see it all.

“cheol? how did you know you wanted to do music?” you asked, turning to look up at your boyfriend.

“oh, wow, we’re going for the deep stuff, huh?” he laughed.

“you don’t have to share if you don’t want to, i was just curious… you always talk so passionately about it, i could just tell it means a lot to you.”

seungcheol sighed, leaning back into the chair. “it’s alright. i really don’t know how i got here, to be honest. i’ve always been interested in music, and found myself writing and experimenting with sound. one day, i just knew that i couldn’t really picture myself doing anything else. so i focused on that and worked my ass off, i guess.”

“well, clearly?! we’re sitting in your own studio! i’d say you’re doing pretty great,” you exclaimed, smiling at seungcheol’s blushing cheeks. “you should be proud of yourself, cheol, really.”

seungcheol can’t even look at you right now, too overcome with giddiness at the onslaught of compliments you’re suddenly throwing his way. instead, he shoves his face in the crook of your neck, mumbling a quiet ‘thanks.’

“is it hard to come up with new music?” you continue, playing with the strings of the hoodie he was wearing.

“hmm, it depends,” his voice is muffled, and you flinch at the ticklish feeling of his breath fanning on your neck. “there are days when i can put down a whole song and melody at once; sometimes it takes me weeks to be satisfied with a song i’m working on. but lately i’ve been feeling more… inspired than usual, so it’s been going pretty well.”

you turn your face towards him, a teasing smile stretching across your lips. “oh, really? how come?”

seungcheol returns your smile, his fingers pressing slightly harder into your skin where they sat on your waist. “just someone i met recently… they’re really nice and beautiful and funny and smart,” now it was your turn to grow shy, feeling your cheeks and chest grow warm at the implication of his words. “but i think jihoon is growing tired of all the ballads i’ve been writing.”

you both fall into a fit of giggles, your faces so impossibly close, your noses brush. “poor jihoon… whatever will he do?” you whisper, and before you can breathe in again, seungcheol’s lips fall against yours.

the air in your lungs dissipates in seconds. your entire body is ablaze, and you swear your hearing no longer registers the music playing from seungcheol’s laptop, instead becoming attuned to the sound of cheol’s soft sighs. you want this moment to last forever, to melt into his embrace, ingrain yourself into his very existence. his lips grow more and more fervent against yours, and you swear your mind goes blank, the only thought even going through your head in that moment a chant of his name. cheol, cheol, cheol, cheol…

later that night, once you’re home, getting ready for bed, you catch a whiff of seungcheol’s cologne again, the scents of his perfume imbued into your sweatshirt. you can’t help but smile like an idiot.

you didn’t wash that sweatshirt for a week after.

no matter how much seungcheol loved his friends, he couldn’t go on another second hearing jeonghan and joshua discuss whether they should choose lilies or hydrangeas for their wedding (because the good ol’ rose is too much of a cliche, apparently, according to joshua).

an exasperated sigh escaped him, his whole body slouching from the weight of the gloom he was carrying. jeonghan and joshua, who had been animatedly bantering over wedding preparations, suddenly go quiet, their heads snapping up to look at their friend. if this was a cartoon, they swore you would see a huge, gray cloud hanging above his head.

“alright, you gotta tell us what’s got you all pouty and gloomy, because this? this is just sad, cheol,” said joshua, gesturing at seungcheol’s crouched figure.

he sighed again, but straightened his back this time. the truth was, nothing particularly bad had happened today. but the day hadn’t gone as seungcheol had initially planned.

that morning, seungcheol had arrived at work determined to talk to you. seeing you again earlier that week had broken down the walls seungcheol had put up in the months following your breakup, and all the emotions he had tried pushing behind those walls – anger, sadness, frustration, yearning, love – were slowly, but surely, seeping back in. there was no point denying it anymore; seungcheol was not ready to let go just yet.

taking jihoon’s advice to heart, he decided to ‘grow some balls’ and initiate a discussion with you, one that you probably should’ve had before any of the shit that went down between the two of you could’ve gone down. seungcheol knew, deep down, that you were hiding something, and thought that once both of your cards were out on the table, you could either work on fixing what’s been broken, or you could both gain some closure and move on with your lives.

seungcheol was desperately hoping for the first option.

either way, whatever plans seungcheol had made were quickly put on hold when he arrived at his meeting and only found your colleague, jeon wonwoo, waiting for him in the conference room. he’d made himself look like an idiot, bluntly asking about your whereabouts, disappointment clear on his face at your lack of presence, which only got him an inscrutable look from wonwoo (who made a mental note to check in with you about this little outburst, for safety reasons). wonwoo hadn’t mentioned anything about you throughout the interview, which in retrospect, seungcheol realized, was more than normal, considering wonwoo probably had no idea that the two of you even dated before. if anyone at your firm would’ve known about your previous relationship, he imagines you wouldn’t even be here, working on this case. conflict of interest and all.

in the end, seungcheol had no idea whether you were even at PLEDIS at all, and didn’t even have time to ask around for you, having a number of recording sessions planned for the rest of the morning. it wasn’t until jeonghan called and invited him out for lunch with him and joshua, that seungcheol left his studio again. when his friends greeted him outside the restaurant they decided on, they held back from commenting on his sulky expression.

seungcheol didn’t tell them that he had half a mind to turn down their invitation when he heard where the couple wanted to meet. IL GRATO was your favorite place in town (you used to say because it was where seungcheol had taken you on your first date), and the restaurant held plenty of the many happy memories you and seungcheol had made over the years. obviously, seungcheol wasn’t particularly keen on revisiting them today, but he didn’t want to seem more pathetic than he already felt, so he shut up and pretended everything was fine.

that didn’t last long, evidently.

“why don’t you just call her? she’s obligated to answer, now that she’s working on jihoon’s situation, right? ask to schedule a meeting with her or something,” jeonghan said, sipping on his glass of prosecco.

“and what reason could i give her for a meeting? that jeon dude already asked me anything he could about jihoon, so i can’t use anything about the case,” seungcheol mumbled. “and saying i wanna discuss the clear unresolved feelings left between us is guaranteed to get her to hang up on me.”

joshua, who had been intently listening to seungcheol’s whines, suddenly perks up, grabbing seungcheol’s shoulder. “cheol, didn’t you mention jeon said he still had some interviews lined up after lunch time?”

seungcheol frowned. “yeah? what difference does it make?”

“well, dumbass, if Y/N was in fact at PLEDIS all this time, that means that she’s probably in one of the conference rooms on the same floor as him. and since most staff clock out at 5 p.m., i’d say you still have about half an hour to go back, find her, and talk to her. like you said you wanted,” joshua explained pointedly, giving seungcheol a look that screamed you have to do it or else i will hurt you.

joshua was right. how could he have been so stupid, to completely overlook what wonwoo had mentioned off-handedly at the end of their meeting. he hadn’t even considered the possibility that you and wonwoo had split up to cover more ground in collecting testimonies, and now he was at risk of completely missing his chance to see you, unless he hauled ass to PLEDIS immediately.

seungcheol shot up from his seat, quickly gathering his things and throwing his credit card on the table, before dashing for the front door. “you guys are the best! lunch is on me!” he shouted, before taking off running.

jeonghan and joshua look at each other, before bursting into giggles. jeonghan sighs, “i need them to resolve this issue before the wedding, really. i won’t be able to handle it if seungcheol mopes around during the whole ceremony.”

joshua cooed, rolling his eyes. “you simply can’t rush love, babe,” he said, pressing a quick kiss to his lover’s cheek.

jeonghan rolled his eyes, turning his attention to the spreadsheet full of wedding prep details laid out on the table. a mischievous glint gleamed in his eyes, as he turned to look at joshua. “so, my dear joshuji, how about lilies for the flower displays?”

“JEONGHAN, I SAID NO!”

nine months ago

when you and seungcheol arrived at IL GRATO, jeonghan and joshua were already inside, patiently waiting at the table they had booked for your party of four, wearing two oddly calm smiles on their faces.

to say you and seungcheol weren’t suspicious at all would be a lie.

jeonghan had called earlier that week to invite the two of you on a double date that weekend – which wasn’t unusual, since the four of you had been going on dates like these since forever  – but what had put you and seungcheol on edge was the ‘news’ jeonghan mentioned he and joshua had to share.

you and seungcheol had been going through a rough patch in the past two weeks, and this fact wasn’t unknown to your group of friends. the two of you were not the type to air out your dirty laundry, so for your friends to notice the growing tension between you meant that things were truly going badly. even though neither you or seungcheol had verbalized this to each other, you were both worried that tonight’s double date was just a cover up for an intervention, aimed to make you and seungcheol work through whatever it was bothering you two. jeonghan and joshua were seungcheol’s oldest and closest friends, and they never shied away from confronting seungcheol (and you, after you were welcomed into their friend group), especially when it came to his well-being, both physical and mental. you had been preparing your defense all week, just in case they decided to bring the situation up (and you also realized how desperately you needed a break from work).

after settling in and exchanging common pleasantries about your lives and work, the four of you put in your orders (jeonghan ordering the most expensive bottle of champagne on the menu, much to yours and seungcheol’s surprise), and after the waiter brought the drinks along, you decided to bite the bullet and ask the question that had been bothering you all week.

“so, you two said you had some news to share, right?”

jeonghan and joshua exchange a secretive look, and you only just notice the blush that seems to grace their faces. they looked like teenagers in love. you couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge of envy.

“i guess there’s no reason to beat around the bush…” joshua said, looking again towards jeonghan.

“we’re getting married!” the other continues, leaning back into his seat to throw an arm around joshua, grinning from ear to ear.

silence falls over the table, as you and seungcheol drink in jeonghan’s revelation. you jump out of your seat, genuine excitement and joy overtaking you, as you walk around the table to hug and congratulate the two men. a string of high-pitched ‘oh my gods’ leave your lips, gaining the attention of a few other restaurant patrons, but you honestly couldn’t care less, too happy for your dear friends to pay attention to them.

as you make your way back to your seat, holding tightly onto joshua’s hand, you notice that seungcheol was eerily quiet, silently watching his friends, his eyes wide and unblinking. you lay a hand onto his arm, squeezing. “cheol… aren’t you going to say something?” you whisper.

that seems to snap him out of his daze, a gasp escaping him, before his hands come up to cover his face. you, joshua, and jeonghan exchange a concerned look, completely blindsided by seungcheol’s unexpected reaction, since he was as one of jeonghan and joshua’s loudest supporters (he had been betting on the two of them getting together since they were teenagers). but before either of you can say something else, seungcheol looks up, unshed tears swimming along his lash line.

“i’m sorry, i just…” he pauses, as if trying to find the right words. “i just can’t… believe… that neither of you told me! you traitors! you were planning to get engaged and i just find out at the same time as everyone else?” seungcheol pouts, his dramatics leaving the rest of you in tears.

“hey! what is that supposed to mean?” you tease, trying to calm your laughter down.

“no offense, baby, but me and the boys? we have history,” seungcheol winks, before turning back to his friends. “which means i should have priority to all life-changing news in your lives!”

the table falls into laughter once again, before jeonghan and joshua proceed to give you and seungcheol all the details he was claiming they had been keeping away from him. the rest of the evening goes like this, drinks and food shared around, and you almost forget about whatever problems your own relationship has been having, too busy reveling in the love radiating from the couple in front of you.

that night, on the drive home, you and seungcheol fall into comfortable silence, a first in the past weeks. you don’t know if it’s the buzz from the alcohol you drank, or the crooning voice of whatever singer was playing on the radio, but you can’t help but look over to seungcheol’s side, your eyes glancing over the side of his face. he was so handsome, cheeks blushed and hair messy from tonight’s laughter. you wanted to lean over and run the tips of your fingers over the edges of his face, pour everything you couldn’t say into just one touch. please forgive me, just trust me…

“what’s the staring for?” seungcheol speaks, and you whip your head around, looking out the window on your side.

“ah, i wasn’t staring!” you mumble, feeling your face grow hot. “was just thinking… about tonight.”

he smiles, briefly glancing your way. “me too,” he says, voice barely above a whisper.

a beat passes before seungcheol speaks up again. “when we get married, what would you want our wedding to be like?”

your heart swells when you realize he said ‘when’ instead of ‘if,’ but you can’t help but tease him a little bit. “‘when?’ i haven’t even said ‘yes’ yet, cheollie,” you smirk, turning your face towards him again.

evidently, seungcheol catches onto your little joke, but he plays into it. “emphasis on ‘yet’, baby. now answer the question!”

“okay, okay,” you chuckle. “well, i think i’d like something small… just our closest family and friends… maybe somewhere outside the city, like in the countryside, something like that,” you say decidedly, already daydreaming about all the possibilities.

“what about the beach? i think a beach wedding would be so cool… do you think your mom would let us have it at her beach house?” seungcheol says, an excited glimmer evident in his eyes.

he completely misses how your face falls at the mention of your mother, but you quickly mask it by nonchalantly agreeing with him. “i don’t see why not, she would probably love that…”

the rest of the drive goes by fast, the two of you bantering over silly wedding things like flowers, color palettes, and music selection (obviously), before you finally arrive home. inside, you both move lazily, drunk on love – or the leftover champagne in your systems – slowly undressing, stealing kisses, exchanging giggles and tantalizing looks… for the first time in weeks, you feel a sense of peace cover you, a quiet voice in the back of your mind assuring you that everything was going to be alright, and you embrace the feeling, falling into seungcheol as he whispers sweet nothings into your ears.

just as you’re about to fall into bed, your phone starts ringing from the floor of the bedroom, and at first you ignore it, too caught up in the feeling of seungcheol’s mouth against you, but the noise is insistent, and cheol detaches from you with a groan, urging you to see who’s bothering you in the middle of the night.

seungcheol can’t see the name on your screen, but when you tell him it’s your mom, he motions for you to take the call – she wouldn’t call this late unless there was an emergency, after all – but much to his surprise, you shuffle to find a shirt to put on, before you leave the room to take the call. from the bedroom, he can only hear muffled snippets of your conversation, and the tone of your voice is too ambiguous for him to guess how the talk is going.

when you come back, he doesn’t bring up the fact that you’d never gone to another room to take a call before. ever.

as soon as the clock on the wall reads 5 p.m., you bring the final interview you had scheduled for the day to an end, and as you say your goodbyes to the woman from the marketing department, wonwoo walks into the conference room, struggling to balance a stack of papers in his hands. you rush towards him, picking up part of the papers.

“woah, are these all the testimonies from your part of the staff?” you question, marveling at the size of the stack wonwoo brought in.

“yeah, crazy, isn’t it? i still can’t believe so many people came forward for this guy,” wonwoo replies, setting down his shoulder bag on the table. his shoulders seem tense, a whole day sitting at a desk clearly taking a toll on him.

“well, he’s clearly appreciated. everyone who i talked with only had good things to say about him,” you say nonchalantly, flicking through the papers, trying to pretend like you weren’t already aware of jihoon’s stellar reputation. each piece of paper seemed to be a reformulation of what the previous person mentioned, everybody mentioning similar qualities and compliments regarding him.

after you and wonwoo go over the information you both collected today, making a game plan for the next steps that needed to be taken, you both gather your things to finally go home for the day, exhaustion setting in. although the day hadn’t been particularly stressful, the possibility of bumping into seungcheol had caused you much more anxiety than usual, and you honestly couldn’t wait to get out of here and finally be able to breathe normally.

as you wait for the elevator – which seems to be taking its sweet time, moving in slow motion to the seventh floor – you hear wonwoo mumble under his breath, before he lets out an “oh, fucking hell.” ever the proper gentleman, he catches himself, and swiftly apologizes for his choice of words.

you chuckle, waving your hand to dismiss his unnecessary apology. “what’s wrong?”

“i’m missing some documents… i think i left them in the room i was in this morning, i’ll go after them. you go ahead and get going, i don’t want to hold you back any longer,” he explains, already turning around to head for the conference room.

“are you sure? i don’t mind wa–”

“i’m sure! go, you deserve to rest,” he shouts, disappearing around the corner of the hallway.

you sigh, shaking your head, but appreciating the gesture nevertheless. the elevator bell dings, and the doors open to reveal an empty cabin. you breathe out a sigh of relief, thankful for the silence. you press the button for the ground floor, and close your eyes, leaning against the back wall of the elevator, hoping to ease the sting that came from staring into a computer screen for a whole day.

your peace and quiet is short-lived however, as the elevator only manages to go down to the sixth floor before stopping again. you sigh, preparing yourself for the onslaught of tired employees who were most likely rushing to get home as well. however, when you open your eyes, there’s only one other pair staring into yours, and you feel all the air inside your lungs dissipating, leaving you breathless.

seungcheol is standing in front of you, wearing an equally speechless look on his face. the two of you stare at each other, almost as if you’re scared to move, in fear of disrupting the karmic force that brought this moment upon you even more. you wish the ground would open up and swallow you whole, feeling completely unprepared for this situation. you’d thought you were finally out of the woods, that you’d be able to go home in peace and not think about the case, about cheol, about anything anymore, at least for tonight.

clearly, the universe had other plans for you.

seungcheol seems to snap out of his daze when the doors of the elevator start to close again, his arm shooting out to stop them and finally stepping inside. as the doors close behind him and the elevator resumes its course downwards, you suddenly feel like the cabin is ten times smaller than it was a few moments ago, your body instinctively moving to one of the corners of the elevator. seungcheol naturally takes over the corner opposite from you, and you can feel his eyes on you with every step he takes.

you can’t fucking breathe, and you can’t believe he still has such a hold over your body.

“hi.”

“hi.”

you both say it at the same time, and under different circumstances, the two of you might’ve erupted in giggles at the coincidence. in this moment, however, the tension between you is so palpable, it’s almost constricting.

“how’s jihoon’s case going?” seungcheol asks, and you feel almost grateful for him taking the initiative to fill the silence.

“it’s good, yeah. we had a productive day, gathered a lot of info,” you say, clearing your throat. why were you being so goddamn awkward?

seungcheol nods, humming, silence filling the space once again. you dared to sneak a glance in his direction, noticing his furrowed brows and pursed mouth. four months could not erase everything you learned about cheol in four years, and you immediately recognized his ‘i’m trying to find the right words’ look. you sigh, knowing exactly what’s inevitably coming, so you decide to put seungcheol out of his misery.

“seungcheol,” you say, voice barely above a whisper. your eyes meet in the quiet of the elevator. “just ask me. just ask me what’s bothering you. at this point, should we even beat around the bush with each other anymore?”

seungcheol opens his mouth, then decides against it. he shakes his head, sighing, before looking back at you. “i’m not ready to let go yet,” he murmurs.

your voice trembles as you try to keep your tears at bay. “cheol… why are you doing this? i mean, why are you doing this to yourself?! things haven’t been working out between us for months, and i– i was terrible to you! you should let me go, why can’t you just… leave me alone?”

seungcheol’s eyes widen, an almost crazed glint appearing behind them. “leave– leave you alone? are you fucking kidding me?” his voice rises in volume, as he takes a few steps closer. “i can’t leave you alone, because i gave you four years of my fucking life, yeah? and in those years i learned all there is to know about you. unless everything you’ve ever told me was just an act, i’ve learned how to tell when you’re lying, and i’ve learned how to tell when you’re struggling, and you know what? you’re doing both right now!”

your hands start shaking, frustration bubbling inside your chest. “i don’t need you looking out for me, alright? i can take care of myself! and i’m fine, for your information!”

“bullshit! you’re not fine, and you know why? because for three years, everything was perfectly fine with us, and then all of a sudden last year, something happened, yeah? i don’t know what exactly, because you won’t fucking tell me, but something happened that made you squeamish around me, distant, paranoid, and– and careless! you stopped caring about me, about us!”

“i didn’t stop caring!”  you croaked, your throat raw from holding back your tears. seungcheol’s eyes softened slightly at the sight of your tears finally let loose on your cheeks. “i just… i…”

seungcheol closes the last of the distance between you, standing right in front of you now. “Y/N… baby… if you’re in some sort of trouble, please… just tell me. there’s nothing you could say that could scare me or drive me away. i know you can take care of yourself, but you don’t have to! please, just… no more lies, please…”

your eyes meet his, the sincerity and love swimming in them bringing even more tears to your eyes. you could just tell him right now, let everything that’s been weighing down on you for the past year spill out all at once… but you can’t. you would never forgive yourself to come in between seungcheol and his work, his dreams… your burdens couldn’t be his burdens. you just can’t allow it.

“cheol… i ca–”

“okay, i need you to take five steps away from her, or i will physically remove you, hyung. no matter that you are older and stronger than me,” comes a voice from your right. in your fight-induced stupor, neither you nor seungcheol had realized that the elevator had reached the ground floor, the doors opening to reveal one of your favorite people on earth.

thank god for boo seungkwan.

[teenidlegirl]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀❛ 𝓜𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝓜𝐄 𝓗𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐖𝐀𝐘. ❜

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀❀ ˚◞ 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧 : 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞

ઇ ˚ ݂ ֹ ꒰ miguel o’hara 𝓍 fem!civilian!reader ꒱ ! ۟ ׅ ♡

ׄ   ׅ ྀ 𝓢𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘. you wake up in a random bed and dressed in an oversized shirt. turns out you are in miguel’s penthouse. you demand some answers about what happened. however, he says some things he shouldn't have said.

ׄ   ׅ ྀ 𝓒𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓. angst, heartbreak (sorry not sorry), swearing, mentions of drowning, mentions of near-death experiences, miguel being an asshole

❛⠀ previous chapter⠀⋅⠀masterlist⠀⋅⠀next chapter ⠀❜

softness awakes you, engulfing your body in a delicious comfort. the sunlight shines down your on form, like a warm blanket. slowly opening your eyes, you’re greeted by the warm light of the sun through the window, no curtains to block it. you blink a few times to adjust to the bright sunlight. once your eyes adjust, you look around your surroundings. you find yourself in a bed, not your bed. this is not your room; not your home. you take a moment to stretch, arching your back and stretching your arms, soft kitten moans escaping your lips. damn that was a good stretch. slowly sitting up on the bed, you find daisy on the floor softly barking and wagging her small poofy tail in excitement. oh how you miss your furry baby. before you jump out of bed, you quickly glance down at your clothes. a plain white shirt.

wait — this isn’t your shirt. 

you slowly get out of bed, rubbing your eyes. as you stand up, you glance down at the white shirt again and your mouth drops open. 

holy shit — the shirt is huge on you. it reaches down to your knees and the sleeves are so loose on your shoulders. it looks like a nightgown. looking down further, you seem to be wearing a pair of white socks that goes up to your calves. 

whose clothes are these?

whose home are you in?

so many questions plagued your mind. scooping up daisy and carrying her in your arms, you walk out of the bedroom and down the hallway. there’s no pictures or wall decor, only blank white walls. two voices come from the end of the hallway. walking down the hallway and entering the living room, you find a tall man clad in a white long sleeve sweater and gray sweats standing in the middle of the room. you recognize that muscular back any day. 

“uhhh boss, you got a visitor.” lyla nods her head at you before vanishing. 

miguel swiftly turns around, meeting your gaze. “oh you’re awake, oh gracias a dios.” he walks up to you but leaves some space in between.

“uh yeah.” you clean your throat awkwardly. “quick question, where the hell am i?” you quirk a brow.

“my penthouse.” 

your brows raised in surprise. “your penthouse? goddamn. okay, richie rich.” a chuckle escapes your lips, glancing around the living room in amazement.

miguel rolls his eyes, taking another step closer. “how’re you feeling? did you sleep okay?” he rushed out, hint of concern in his tone.

“uh yeah, actually. probably one of the best naps i’ve ever taken.” you chuckle, gently petting daisy’s head. “what the hell happened last night?” you knew something happened in order for you to end up in miguel’s penthouse. yes, you do remember him and the gang rescuing you but your mind went blank afterwards. you really want answers.

miguel stares at you dumbfounded. “are you serious? you don’t remember anything?” he sounds genuinely shocked, or even confused a bit.

“oh well — i remember you and the others rescuing me. kicked harry’s and doc ock’s asses but i don’t remember anything else after that.” you shrug awkwardly but answer truthfully.

you got the sense something serious happened by the way miguel was looking at you with those wide eyes, like he was in disbelief by your words. it made you feel a bit anxious. what the hell happened last night? was it that bad or something?

a sad sigh escaped his plump lips as he ran a hand through his dark chocolate locks, the other hand resting on his waist. 

oh you didn’t like that look. that definitely meant something bad happened. 

“miguel, what happened?” you sounded desperate, taking a step closer towards him.

he turns away from you. hands rested on his waist, head hanging low. “you couldn’t listen, could you? always so damn stubborn.” he mumbled.

you frown at that. “what?…”

“why couldn’t you just listen to me?” he mumbles on, still looking away from you. 

why is he saying these things? did you do something bad? it confuses the hell out of you. sure, you are a stubborn person but not stupid. these mumble words were starting to piss you off since he isn’t answering the damn question.

you take another step forward. “miguel, what the hell happened?!”

“YOU ALMOST DIED!”

he finally turns around. crimson eyes boring into yours. canines and claws peeking out. chest heaving rapidly and hands balled into fists at his sides. 

that look reminded you the first time he looked at you like that when you accidentally snooped through his private files in his office. the sight terrified you, this time not really but startled you a bit. it just naturally happens when he get angry or frustrated. 

“what?…” you look at him confusingly, almost in disbelief at his shocking answer.

“you almost drowned!” miguel threw his hands in the air out of frustration. “you almost drowned, don’t you understand that?! of course not because you’re so fucking stubborn! you should have just listened to me when i told you to leave but no! you never listen to me and almost got yourself killed!” 

for once, you were speechless. all you could do was stare at him with wide eyes. poor daisy was shivering in your arms, softly whining.

almost drowned? oh fuck. 

it was that bad.

he lets out a sad sigh at the lack of your response. miguel runs a hand through his hair again, shoulders slumped. he knows lashing out at you is wrong, considering the last time he did that and things went to shit afterwards. he needs to tell you everything.

“after we took them down, harry activated one of his grenades and threw it at us. i rushed out to you but the whole place blew up before i could even reach you. then, you got knocked out by one of the pillars and you fell into the lake. i went after and saved you. when i did, you didn’t wake up…” miguel meets your gaze for a moment then looks back down, feeling anxious at the horrible memory. “you… you just laid there… not moving or breathing for two minutes. two fucking minutes. the worst two minutes of my fucking life.” he rubs the temples of his forehead with a hand, calming himself to not lash out again. “then you finally did.” he brings down his hand to his side. “but then you passed out. so i took you back here, changed you into warm clothes and carefully placed you in my bed so you could rest. i stayed up all night to make sure you were okay.”

you remain speechless, or perhaps enthralled by the last part. he took care of you? changed you out of your drenched dress and into his own clothes? slept in his own damn bed? stayed up all night just to see if you were okay? your heart fucking melted. suddenly, your eyes began to feel moist but you held it back. you can't cry right now.

“i…” you don’t even know what to say, too speechless and enthralled by his actions. the first thing that popped in your mind was expressing your gratitude. “thank you… for all of this…” you gesture at your (his) shirt and his bedroom. “i’m grateful…”

you were too shy to look at him. when you do, your eyes meet for a second before miguel looks away. he turns around again, his muscular back to you. the sight makes you sigh, slightly annoyed.

“what?” you push, annoyance laced in your tone.

you’re only met with silence. it’s clear there was more and miguel is just being difficult. you just wait, folding your arms over your chest. 

“this can’t happen anymore…”

you look at him in confusion. “what?”

his shoulders slumped as a sad sigh escapes him, clenching his fists. “whatever… this is, it’s over.”

anxiety starts kicking in, adrenaline flowing through your veins. “what the hell are you talking about?”

miguel turns to face you, those ruby irises present. “this!” he gestures at the space between you two. “whatever this is, it’s done! it’s over.”

you stand there dumbfounded. heart pounding in your chest, anxiety consuming your body. a thin layer of water began forming in your eyes. “what?”

he flinched at your voice crack, making his heart ache. “you need to forget about me. forget about everything about us.”

you frown. “what the fuck are you talking about? what do you mean ‘forget about you’?” 

“we can’t be friends anymore, or whatever the hell we were. this is done.” miguel states firmly, but deep down inside he was hurting. he knew this would hurt you both, break both your hearts.

but he has to do this.

he has to keep you away from the down side of him.

your vision turns glossy as tears threaten to spill. your heart breaks, anxiety at its peak. he can’t be serious. he doesn’t want to be friends anymore? he wants you to forget him? and he forgets you?

what the fuck?

“why?” your voice cracks, a mix of upset and anger.

“because you’ll get hurt!” miguel exclaims and you went silent. “you’ll always be in danger because of me! look what happened! you were kidnapped and almost fucking drowned because of me!”

a single tear drop from your eyes trails down your cheek and miguel’s heart cracks.

“this is why i don’t get close with anyone! because they always get hurt, or worse, killed!” his chest heaves. “i should never have met you.” oh fuck that slipped out his mouth and instantly regret it. his eyes widen in realization, looking at you but he knew those words hurt you by that heartbroken look. oh he fucked up again and he hates himself. he hates the hurt look in your eyes all because of him.

that’s when your heart breaks.

in simple terms, he wants you out of his life. 

to fuck off.

more tears spill from your eyes and you don’t even bother to wipe them, allowing them to fall freely. you can’t even look at him anymore now that he wants you out of his life. then, the sorrow turns into anger. very slowly and intimating, you finally look up at him but with anger in your eyes. that made miguel shit his pants, an unpleasant shiver his spine. that was the first time he witnessed anger in you.

“fine.”

without giving him a chance to speak, you storm back into his bedroom, leaving a confused miguel in the living room. not even five minutes, you return but wearing your black dress that was drenched from yesterday’s attack as daisy follows you. supposedly he washed and dried it while you were asleep; how generous but that doesn’t get rid of the frustration flowing through your veins at this moment. miguel watches you walk towards the front door without sharing a glance at him before stopping in front of it.

“since you want me out of your fucking life, i don’t need this shit.” you take off the watch he gave you and throw it on the floor, shattering into pieces. without looking back at him, you grab daisy again and walk out the door, slammed it on your way out, leaving him speechless and heartbroken.

the minute the door closed, miguel fell down to his knees and broke down.

he fucked up for the second time.

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓. ♡ @loser-alert @keepitreal001 @iamperson12280 @nostalgicdaira @flordelalunas @oharasfilipinawife @cho-coquette @lavenderslemonade @palesatan @awkward-d3rs3-dr3amer @lilscast @beanieboy23 @dorck26 @kakabskbskdnd @4crew @deputy-videogamer @36namey @sin4tra @holographicang3l @migueloharasoulmate @darlingz99 @opalesquegirl @freehentai @rinverse @colorfulbluebirdpainter @razertail18 @shadowzena43 @undf-stuff @miatjie @leshasnolife

© teenidlegirl. don’t steal, plagiarize, or translate my work. ♡

[dontforgetoctober3rd]

A Piece of Home (Aemond X Yi Ti OC)

Summary: The emperor Feng of Yi Ti dislikes his daughter Chen's choice for future emperor consort, Aemond Targaryen. At every turn, he is dismissive of his son-in-law but because his daughter is the future empress, he refrains from publicly showing his utter distaste for the Westerosi prince. Chen is keen to make Aemond not feel like an outsider and so allows him to name their first child, the future heir to Yi Ti and emperor Feng is not happy with the name.

Notes: lovely divider by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more , gif credits in the gifs themselves, faceclaim for Princess Chen is actress Zhang Ziyi circa year 2000ish. idk how many words this is but the fic is not too long it's more of a standalone mini fic

EDIT: Now with an epilogue! Faceclaim for Aemond the Younger is Kiyoka from My Happy Marriage (as portrayed by Ren Meguro) and his fiance Mei's faceclaim is of course Miyo (as portrayed by Mio Imada)

Aemond looked at his sleeping wife, enjoying the view and thinking to himself how different things would be if he had refused.

He thought he would be miserable in a foreign land.

Yes, his sister the Queen had allowed him to bring a few guards along and his mother had all but foisted Ser Criston upon him as if he were still a lad of one and ten that needed looking after...but never did he anticipate he would genuinely be...well, happy, in an environment that was different in almost every way to King's Landing.

He expected to be shunned and put to the side when he wed the princess Chen, but his new wife constantly asked him "What do you think? How do you feel about this?" concerning important political matters she was overseeing in preparation for becoming empress one day. She always invited him to unofficial engagements, to scout villages near and far, to walk in lush green farmlands overseen by the lords and governors of Yi Ti. Vhagar was certainly happy to carry them both in these travels.

Chen seemed genuinely determined that Aemond should be included and respected in all aspects of his new life. A far cry from his former one.

Now, 8 moons heavy with his child, she had declared to all a fortnight ago that Aemond would decide the babe's name.

Her father, away on royal matters, was most displeased when he received the message and a raven was sent that his Majesty would be arriving today to speak to the princess about the matter.

Aemond was jolted from his thoughts as Chen finally stirred awake.

"I hope you did not lose sleep over that business of our babe's name, my love." Chen said, as maids silently entered the chambers and readied their bath. "Our son or daughter will be named whatever you choose. I have spoken."

"A fact that irritates the emperor to no end." Aemond grumbled, slipping from their bed. He knew he could complain to her and she would not take it as a personal affront. It felt so much better than seething in silence, as he used to do.

With the bath ready, Aemond dismissed the maids as he helped her from the bed to go to the privy concealed by a long curtain and then undress for the bath. Moving at this stage in the pregnancy was difficult for her, as she waddled more than walked.

"I do wish father would stop this treatment of you, but he is old and set in his ways," Chen said, coming from behind the curtain and was turned facing away by him as he undid the back of her shift. "Anything different to his values, he is set on fighting it every step of the way. He does not believe it will happen until the thing itself is done and he is digging his heels in because he is well aware nothing can be done. He will not name my heir. Our child."

Aemond hummed in agreement as he helped her walk over and settle into the bath, removing his breeches and sitting down in it in front of her, his eye patch set on the edge of the water. "It's all that talk his advisors bleat into his ears, that you defer to me on all things and I am somehow your puppeteer."

Chen's face clouded over with irritation. "Which is false,"she said, maneuvering her hair off her chest.

"I defer to no one...no matter how handsome they may be," she added with a smirk. "Now come, my back needs scrubbing, husband."

"As you command." Aemond smiled, shifting over to his wife with no washing cloth and zero intention of scrubbing her back.

Chen happily melded into her husband's arms, her fingers attempting to stroke his face as he kept gently biting and kissing them, causing her to giggle.

"I give you this privilege of naming our child because I love seeing you happy. Letters from Westeros always bring a beautiful light to your face and I never tire of looking at you when you are in such a state," Chen whispered, lightly trailing the scarring of his eye, his functioning one closed as he enjoyed her touch. "If I can give you another piece of home in this way, with a name of your choosing, then I will do it. No one will dissuade me."

"And I thank you for that, my love," Aemond whispered back, hungrily taking Chen's lips.

------------

EPILOGUE

19 years later...

Empress Chen was initially not happy with her son Aemond's choice for a bride.

The girl came from a good family, from the farthermost eastern district of Yi Ti. She was not a foreigner technically but that district had such different customs to the rest of the kingdom that she might as well have been.

Also...she was an orphan. Her entire family lost to a wave of disease that swept the area, she the only survivor.

However, though he hadn't officially talked of the matter with her, Chen's husband supported their son's choice. And her advisors had just let her know he was on his way to talk with her about something "important".

Chen, heavy with her and Aemond The Elder's 6th child (the previous 5 had all been boys), sat at her table and went through the important documents of the day as the double doors to the chamber opened.

Her husband walked in, hands clasped behind him, as was his way.

"My answer is yes," Chen said to him, as Aemond stopped before her on the opposite side of the table. She did not look up but continued to rifle through documents.

Aemond smirked. "You do not even know what it is I've come to speak to you about."

"Yes I do, husband," Chen sighed, finally facing him and smirking back. "Our eldest son has begged you to take up his cause and I am telling you my answer: Yes. Yes, he can marry the girl. If he is putting up this much of a fuss over a mere orphan I suppose there really must be something special about her."

"Our son will be happy with your answer," Aemond said, lightly bowing before turning to leave.

"Perhaps their children might get the mother's coloring," Chen said in a joking manner, pretending to complain.

"I'll be sure to let Aemond know his marriage is officially approved." Aemond said, ignoring the bait to argue about his sons being near identical copies of him. He smiled over his shoulder as he left.

Every single one of their sons came out with silver hair. Every single one. The only consolation was their eldest who seemed to have a slight blend of black strands among his silver hair, making it darker than the rest of the brothers so that it was grey instead of white, and also had a hint of resemblance to his mother's face.

It was nice to see a little bit of herself in at least one son but Chen longed for a child that looked exactly like her and hoped this next one in her womb would grant that wish.

It had been a source of great joy for Aemond and a salve for his loneliness, as he still missed Westeros. Chen sometimes tired of his blood winning out every time she birthed a babe but having others who looked like he did, it brightened his disposition immensely.

And if her husband was happy, then Chen was content to limit her complaints of the matter.

Some hours later, in their private apartments, Aemond the Younger let his betrothed know she would be his empress one day.

------

"The rumors really are true, then," Mei said, giggling slightly.

"What rumors?" Aemond asked. Mei was readying his hair for court that evening.

"That Empress Chen does not deny her husband when he asks for something. I am grateful he spoke in favor of our union. It was smart of you to go to him."

"Mother does not acquiesce every time!" Aemond protested, standing up as Mei finished with his hair.

"I don't mean every time!" Mei said. "I just meant...she really does care about his happiness, doesn't she? If something can be done to make him happy, she makes it so. I intend to be the same way with you." She smiled up at him.

Aemond blushed and went on his way.

THE END

[landofkissesxo]

Bullied Yan Step Sister X Bully Fem Y/N

Part 1 Part 2

Part 111

Y/N’s POV:

I woke up feeling sore all over my body. I squinted at the morning light spilling through my curtains, trying to shake off the heaviness in my limbs. Confusion enveloped me as I attempted to recall what had transpired last night, but nothing came to mind.

I pushed myself up into a sitting position, wincing slightly as my muscles protested. It felt as though I’d run a marathon or had been caught in a wrestling match, yet I couldn't pinpoint a single moment that would explain my discomfort. A sense of dread washed over me, amplifying my confusion.

As I swung my legs out of bed, I caught sight of my step-sister, Yui, walking past her room. Yui looked unfazed, a mischievous smile dancing on her lips. The smile sent a chill of suspicion down my spine; it was the kind of smile Yui wore right before she pulled a prank or concocted a scheme.

My heart raced as I tried to piece together the fragmented memories. Could it be that Yui had harmed me while I was sleeping? The very thought made me feel cold inside. I doubted that Yui would do something so malicious, she is weak after all, but the unexplained soreness kept gnawing at my thoughts. The uneasiness settled like a weight on my chest.

Grabbing my phone, I checked the time, hoping to find something—anything—that might spark my memory. Moments passed, filled only with a growing sense of confusion. I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something monumental I had forgotten. After brushing my hair back, I decided it was best to confront Yui. Whatever had happened, I knew Yui would have answers—or at least, a hint of what took place.

Third Person POV:

She found Yui lounging on the couch, giggling at something on her phone. “Hey,” Y/N said, trying to sound casual despite the tremor in her voice. Yui glanced up, her smile widening.

"Good morning, sleepyhead. You look rough," Yui teased, briefly gazing at the hickey on Y/N’s neck and quickly looking away, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

Y/N crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes. “What happened last night? Why do I feel like I’ve been trampled by a herd of elephants?”

Yui’s laughter filled the room, a sound Y/N usually found annoying. “You seriously don’t remember?” she asked, pretending to be surprised.

“No, I don’t! Tell me!” Y/N urged, her agitation rising.

"Okay, okay! We had that party at Alex's place. You were the life of the party, throwing down on the dance floor," Yui explained, her tone light and teasing. “You even entered a dance-off—lost to Ben, but you gave it your all. Everyone was cheering for you.”

Y/N’s mind spun as she tried to jog her memory. A dance-off? The image of her dancing on the floor surrounded by friends flickered like a slideshow, but it was hazy and disjointed. “That was it?”

“Pretty much. Oh, and you decided it would be fun to do a little karaoke after. I thought you were going to challenge the whole room!” Yui’s laughter bubbled over once more.

“But what about the sore feeling?” Y/N pressed, genuinely puzzled.

Yui smirked. “You insisted on doing the worm. Apparently, not everyone can pull it off like you think you can.”

Y/N's cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and she slapped her hand to her forehead. The night’s events started creeping into focus. She could almost hear the music, the cheers, and the laughter echoing in her ears. “Oh no… I can’t believe I did that,” she groaned, her head sinking into her hands.

Yui wasn’t lying though, all of it was true both of them went to the party, but what Y/N didn’t know is what happened after she went home that night and what is making Yui smile on her phone about.

next

[maracujatangerine]

82. Taking Note

CW: mental health issues, institutionalised slavery, dehumanisation, box boy universe, pet whump

The pale light of an overcast winter’s day flattened all the colours; the yellow curtains, the violet saintpaulia on the windowsill, the pet’s own blonde hair, everything taking on a washed-out tinge of grey. Coriander sat at the kitchen table, pen in hand, staring at a blue notebook. Miss Lydia had asked it to choose one of the notebooks at her bookshop yesterday.

“Perhaps you would like to try writing down your thoughts?” She had suggested, gently. “It is not for me to read. I promise that I won’t. Cross my heart, and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye!”

She laughed, but the look in her brown eyes was serious.

“You can write down anything you want, and it will be for your eyes only, okay?”

The pet had nodded and told her that it understood. Now, Miss Lydia was out. She had gone for coffee with Cecilia, and the pet had elected to stay at home.

The notebook it had chosen had a Japanese-style drawing of a cresting wave on the cover, the white tips of the wave rendered with splashes in glossy silver. The white pages were neatly lined in black.

The radio was on in the background, a piece by Händel tugging at some half-remembered string at the back of the pet’s mind. Cory knew that Miss Lydia had left Radio 3 on for the pet’s sake, but that she wouldn’t mind if it changed the station, just like she hadn’t minded that the pet had chosen to stay behind when she went out.

It used to agonise endlessly over such small decisions. Did Miss Lydia want it to say yes or no? Would this thing make it a better pet, or would that?

Nowadays, more and more, it felt like it could trust that its owner said what she meant. If she needed it to come, she would let it know. If she gave it a choice, she truly wanted it to make up its own mind.

That was an unprecedented freedom. Generosity beyond its wildest dreams. It knew it was extraordinarily lucky.

It should be happy, should it not?

And it was grateful, it was!

But happiness eluded it

In the beginning, everything had brought it joy. Or, well, at least relief.

Having its wounds treated, feeling its body healing, aches and pains receding to the back of its mind and gradually fading away.

Hunger, the dull gnawing of an empty stomach, the weakness and loss of focus that comes with days and days without enough food to eat. The terrible fear of feeling your own body consuming itself to stay alive. No more!

In its life with Miss Lydia, Coriander could still feel hungry, sometimes. At the end of a long day, before lunch at work, out on a hike in the woodlands. But it never felt truly hungry. That bottomless need for sustenance was a thing of the past.

These things brought relief. The joy came later.

Miss Lydia gently petting its hair, and Coriander genuinely wanting - and daring - to lean into her touch.

Playing the tin whistle for Miss Indira and the doctor responding with enthusiastic applause.

Laughing together with Miss Lydia without the pet having to carefully guard every word to avoid angering its owner.

Working at the shop and being given a nod of approval from Miss Carla at a job well done.

Sitting in the garden and watching flowers bloom from seeds they had sown together.

These were all things of joy, of beauty. Miss Lydia was consistently fair and kind. The pet felt healthy now, strong, even. Its damaged shoulder still impeded its daily life, its scars ached sometimes, and the nightmares refused to go away, but these were mere trifles in the grand scheme of things.

So, why wasn’t it happy?

It should be. It had been.

But now, lately, it was like some undefined malaise had taken hold of the pet. A depressing weight that suffused everything, that stole joy out of everything, just like the grey winter light leaked the colours away.

Looking down on the pages, the pet realised it had written the same sentence over and over.

Why did this happen to me?

Tag List Part 1: @cupcakes-and-pain @whump-em @whumpzone @wh-wh-whu @neuro-whump @carnagecardinal @cowboy-anon @whump-me-all-night-long @redwingedwhump @myst-in-the-mirror @haro-whumps @eatyourdamnpears @bloodsweatandpotato @pinkraindropsfell @whumptywhumpdump @theydy-cringeworthy @whump-in-progress @whumpsy-daisy @nicolepascaline @whumpcreations @briars7 @shiningstarofwinter @whumppsychology @alex-ember @miss-kitty-whumptastic @whumpy-writings @in-patient-princess @youtube-fandoms-bands @goblinchildindabog @mazeish @distinctlywhumpthing @inpainandsuffering @canniboylism @icannotweave @incoherent-introspection @kim-poce @broken-typewriter @the-monarch-whumperfly @whumpers-inc @grizzlie70 @lil-whumper @writingbackwards-blog @sunflower1000 @wingedwhump @thecitythatdoesntsleep @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @onlybadendings @rabass @wolfeyedwitch @melancholy-in-the-morning

[shinyshade8026]

My source's Prom

This isn't some AU thing, these are my memories. Don't take this and use it or whatever....

Chat this is just a ramble about how my prom went 😭

Little starting info. Uzi, Doll, and I have been friends since we were kids, we've just had our fair share of bad moments… but we had a promise to each other… I'll come back to that

So, It went pretty much like how you guys know at first, but like… I /gen meant it when I said Uzi would look cute in her dress… Doll and I did genuinely want to go with Uzi for Prom, my dad didn't put us up to it. There were also no plans to actually harm 'Zi, BY THE WAY >:/

But, she didn't exactly realize that…? She still scrambled out of the colony via the vents 'n stuff and went to get that stupid boy, N for his help or whatever. Doll and I didn't see the point of going after her if she didn't want to go, so I texted V as she and I walked to prom… we were so close… our hands kept brushing…

We got there, and things went as you see in the episode. Blah blah blah! When V started walking towards the mic, I felt so… hesitant… I didn't want V to die, she was my friend as well... I was about to warn her when N came in with Uzi. My core started to flutter when I saw 'Zi in that dress…

But things started going fast. I yelled at V to run, Doll sprung her attack, and people panicked. Doll grabbed me by the throat with her solver and threw me across the gym… I screamed her name in fear… Luckily she caught me before I smashed into the bleachers, but I was still bruised afterwards.

Things are fuzzy for a bit, I think I hit my head or something, but I got back behind the curtains to help one of the disassembly drones get put back together before I saw Doll throwing knives at Uzi.

I was terrified.

Before I knew it, I was hopping off the stage and using my own solver to knock the knives off course. It didn't even register to me that I did it, I just… Did. I helped Uzi to her feet and we did the fight N and Uzi do in canon or whatever… I remember my hand on her waist… spinning her and dipping her down… her hand in mine and her arm wrapped around my torso as she threw her weapon…

I had helped a rocket fired by V from backstage, guiding its course to knock Doll back. I also threw a knife. I hit Doll in the shoulder. I could see the sparks flying and oil spurt out. She just brushed it off… Uzi looked at me.. she blushed from how we were holding each other… so did I… we didn't say anything about it…

I flung her as best I could into the air, and she scrabbled onto one of the tables with a bit of effort while Doll lifted them.

I got hit with a FUCKING TABLE!! My stomach was hurting for a WEEK!!

V eventually shot Doll through the head, N came to help me ew… and then those three went to Doll's apartment after getting her key.

I felt way too weak, so I just went home. I changed and lay in my bed. I thought I was just gonna go to bed and deal with whatever when I woke up, but a while later, Doll just… teleported into my room. It startled me, and I thought she was going to kill me too, but she just crawled onto my bed and put herself in my arms, her head against my core.

We fell asleep that way. Despite everything that had happened, just hours before, she fell asleep right there with me.

I think it was that stupid promise we made as kids… It was that we'd always be there for each other. Even if we wanted the other dead, we could call off things for just a moment to comfort the other. Even if it was just a subtle lean on the other or cuddling them into the night. Didn't matter. It would never matter.

[wroetominter]

Insecurity - Harry Lewis

It sure has been awhile, I don’t even know how to preface an imagine anymore. I hope you enjoy!

Pairing: Y/N X Harry

Warnings: slight angst

Smut: none

——————

It was no secret Harry had jumpstarted my career. We started YouTube around the same time, both doing our own things and genuinely having a good time. His channel had started to kick off very quickly, with him beginning to gain subscribers almost immediately. My channel? Not so much. I had a steady ten thousand subscribers well over two years into it. Where as Harry, had over three million - and had joined a YouTube group - "The Sidemen".

I had since that time decided to stream instead. It was my element. I loved it. Still love it. Harry had popped into one of my streams quickly to say hello, and ask for my Nando's order. This grasped the attention of thousands upon thousands of viewers - who were now turning up stream after stream. I thanked him endlessly, finally being able to support myself with my content career, and leaving the stuffy job I had worked to make my money.

Now, I lived in a beautiful two bedroom flat in central London. With floor to ceiling windows, I found myself often just staring out of them and wondering, "is this real life?"

Flash forward to the current moment, I opened my window and the crisp, cool air flooded into the flat. My curtains gently blew next to me as I closed my eyes and took in the smell of autumn air. I stretched and took in my surroundings. The city skyline was backlit by a gorgeous pink and orange sunrise, making it nearly impossible to stop staring.

I was pulled from my daydream by the soft buzzing of my phone on my duvet. I grabbed it to find messages from a few friends, and some twitter notifications. I opened the small blue app to see I had been tagged in tons of videos.

I opened a few, seeing that they were all the same clip from what looked to be a stream. Harry's stream. He was playing some geoguessr, and seemed to be at a lull in the game - answering questions.

"Why don't you stream with Y/n anymore?" He read as the donation popped on the screen. You could almost see the instant regret in his eyes as he read it.

"Oh erm, I guess we just sort of fell out of touch. No hard feelings or anything she's lovely, I'd love to catch up with her" I didn't even know what to think. Fell out of touch? I don't quite remember it that way.

— 10 months prior—

Harry and I had been hanging out nearly every day. We were basically joined at the hip. We were doing everything together.

Streaming, eating, going for walks. We basically merged our lives together.

"What's got you all crabby" Harry asked.

"Nothing nothing, just my silly imagination" I was truthfully imagining what would happen if I grabbed his hand as we walked through the heart of our neighborhood.

Harry and I had, what I considered to be a blossoming relationship. We were keeping it to ourselves, only to make sure this was what we wanted before effectively announcing it to the whole world.

In private, we were all over each other. Cuddling on the couch, sneaking kisses in bed as I forced Harry to watch my favorite shows. Public was an entirely different story. Even in front of his flat mates, we were just mates, even if it hurt in those moments.

It all came down to about four months into our relationship. I felt we had it figured out with us. We were at a point in our relationship where we were probably only days or weeks from the ‘I love you' talk. We had certainly sealed the deal in more ways than one, by this time.

We had many conversations about bringing our relationship to the public, not our viewers, but our close friends and family.

Harry seemed to be skeptical, questioning every word I said.

"What if it gets leaked out. Then what?" He asked. He seemed very stressed about the situation.

"Then we handle it the same way everyone else does? Just set our boundaries with what we want to say to the viewers and keep the rest private." I explained calmly.

"I don't think I can handle that." He stated.

My head turned slightly to the side at that comment. Confused by what he meant, I asked.

"I just mean, what if we break up? How will that look to the fans? Like I'm just a womanizer dropping women left and right?" He was referencing the few girls who in previous points of his career he had been seen snogging in clubs and never bringing them up again.

I felt my breath hitch in my throat, oh. So this was all about him. "That may be the most selfish thing I have ever heard." I said softly. I was heart broken that all he seemed to be thinking about was us breaking up. "I thought we were in a really good spot, Harry." His pacing stopped and he looked over at me, seeing the tears brimming my eyes.

"Y/n, no... no... I don't mean it like that." He tried to back pedal.

I was too upset to hear it at that moment, gathering my bag and standing up, wiping my tears on the hoodie of his I was wearing. "Ill make this easy for both of us. No need to go public with something that doesn't exist anymore." I said, leaving the flat.

I can't even remember if he tried to come after me at this point. All I remember is the hurt that it caused, wondering if I would ever get over it.

—present moment—

I shuddered, partially at the chill enveloping the room and partially at the memory of leaving Harry standing there. I trailed over to my closet, reaching in the back for the all too familiar fabric of Harry's hoodie I left with that day. I hadn't washed it, so it still very faintly smelled of his flat.

I decided to get myself ready for the day, dressing casually and cleaning up so I could stream. I was planning to play some dead by daylight with Talia, and then probably some solo game if I felt up to it.

Mid way through the day, as I was still streaming, a notification appeared on my phone.

Harry: can we talk?

Not wanting to lose my poker face on stream, I sat my phone down, ignoring the message for now.

Harry: I'm watching your stream, I know you're ignoring me. I don't blame you, I just want to talk.

I gave in, typing back a quick '0kay, you know where I am' and went back to my game.

Barely an hour had passed since my stream ended. I had taken a shower and just started to cook myself a meal.

A small knock at my door broke me from my trance that I was in cooking up some dinner. I shuffled to the door, opening it to find Harry standing there in a pair of Sidemen joggers and a Nike crewneck. He seemed older, or perhaps that was a trick of the eye caused by the facial hair he was now sporting.

"Come in," I stepped aside and let him in. He came silently and sat at my island, watching me finish up my food and dishing us both up a plate. It was my worst habit, eating when I was nervous. I had no idea what he was planning to say.

"I'm sorry" he said. Nothing further, just he was sorry.

"I was hurt." I blurted. I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I know, and I would take it back in a second if I could. I wouldn't have said anything I did, it pained me to see your face when I said that" I tried to speak but nothing came out. "I still care for you. A lot. I have feelings for you, deep feelings that I can't shake. Not that I want to. You didn't deserve what I said to you. You deserve better than me but I selfishly still want you. I'm praying that I'm not making a fool out of myself here." A flush had overcome his face.

"You're not." His eyes lit up, head snapping up to meet my gaze. "I don't blame you for what you said. I know you were only worried what would happen to us. But you can't let that dictate your life. Yes, we could have broken up. But that's something that's always a possibility in a relationship. That doesn't mean you give up on it."

"I know," he started. "I feel like you were too good to be real. I know that sounds cliche, but truthfully you are too good for me, and always have been." I sighed,

"Harry, you know me better than this. I want you. Is that not enough?" I asked.

"Want? As in present tense?" I blushed, turning my head to the side.

"Yeah, I guess I'm not over you, like I tried to convince myself I was." I said.

He pushed his plate up, moving to my side of the table and wrapping his arms around me. I felt like we were transported to almost a year ago, when him and I were inseparable. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. Taking in his warmth and comfort.

"I missed my best friend" he whispered in my ear. "And if that's all you want, that's fine. I just need you in my life" my heart fluttered as he said this, holding my face in his large hands.

"Don't be silly Harry," I said, leaning toward him to seal the space between our lips. The kiss was short and sweet. "I missed you too".