#if anything else comes to me ill make a part 3 lol
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chahnniesroom · 11 months ago
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in sickness and in health
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pairing: kim seungmin x female reader
summary: you're the most important thing in seungmin's life, of course his biggest fear would be losing you. it means that taking care of you when you're not feeling well comes naturally.
word count: 2.1k
warnings: a little bit of angst, sickness (fever, feeling nauseous, etc.)
a/n: partially inspired by me being ill at work and my amazing coworkers taking care of me and making sure i didn't faint lol.
till death do us part collection | read it on ao3 | masterlist
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Seungmin loves being an idol. 
He loves to sing and performing in front of Stays always thrills him. He loves the other members and really, everyone else that he gets a chance to work with. At times it can be stressful, but for the most part, it’s fairly easy to manage the downsides of being famous.
But when he started dating you, he found out that there are parts of being an idol that he hates.
He always thought that he'd be different from a lot of idols and wouldn't be afraid to show his partner off. The second he met you though, he knew he'd do anything and everything in his power to keep you safe. You understand, of course, and do your part to make sure that only your closest friends and family are aware of who you're dating.
It pains Seungmin to do this, but he knows nothing good can come out of your identity being known.
The two of you are more than careful, sometimes Seungmin feels silly with how cautious he is about meeting up with you. Yet somehow his heart always feels like it will beat out of his chest whenever he sees articles that speculate about idol relationships.
You do your best to stop him from stressing, but it’s something that Seungmin can't quite shake. You're the most important thing in his life, of course his biggest fear would be losing you.
The first time his phone rings during a livestream with the whole group, Seungmin brushes it off. The caller ID says it's an unknown number and everyone he knows has been receiving a lot of spam calls and texts lately. 
He swipes away the notification and tries to focus on just reading comments when the same number calls back, a couple minutes later. He ignores it again, but on the third call, he nudges Chan’s knee beside him and subtly tilts his phone screen so that Chan can see. His phone is on silent so nobody watching the live should be able to tell that he's getting the calls, but the timing feels too coincidental for him not to be suspicious. 
"They keep calling," he says under his breath. 
"We'll get someone to look into the number later, just keep ignoring it," Chan advises quietly.
Seungmin takes a quick screenshot of the number, then tries to get back into the conversation to distract himself. The next time he looks down at his phone again, someone is once again calling him.
Seungmin almost reflexively rejects the call, until he realises it's your nickname flashing up on his screen.
You generally don’t call Seungmin without warning, especially not during the day when there’s a higher chance that Seungmin won’t be able to readily answer.
[sent - 3:12 pm]
sorry baby, working right now, can it wait?
His stomach drops when you just call again in response. He doesn’t want to alarm any of the members or the fans when he doesn’t know what’s going on, but he has a bad feeling about this. He once again flashes his phone to Chan briefly and leans in close.
“I want to take this, I don’t know why she’s calling, but something doesn’t seem right.”
Chan bites his lip, obviously torn for a second, before he seems to make up his mind.
“We’ve been live for almost 20 minutes, give me one second and we’ll end it so that you can talk to her, yeah?” Chan puts a hand on Seungmin’s shoulder and squeezes it tightly for a moment before clapping his hands together, effectively ending the conversation that the rest of the members were having.
Seungmin makes himself smile as they all say goodbye, but it's obvious that it's forced.
Even though the live ended as quickly as possible, Seungmin still has 2 new missed calls by the time he’s found himself an empty room to use.
"Hello?"
"Uhm hello, is this Min?" a man asks hesitantly. His voice is unfamiliar and it scares Seungmin. The only thing that brings a little bit of comfort is knowing that you’re careful to never call Seungmin by his full name when talking about him with friends or coworkers, you even have his contact information set as a nickname.
"Who is this?" he asks instead. “Where’s Y/n?”
"My name is Hyunwoo, I work with Y/n-ssi. I’m very sorry for interrupting you, but Y/n-ssi said that you were one of her emergency contacts. We tried to call with another number previously, but weren’t able to reach you."
“Sorry, I generally do not answer calls from unknown numbers. Is Y/n okay?” Seungmin swallows hard, his mouth suddenly dry. “Can I- can I please speak to her?”
“She’s just not feeling well and needs to go home. She’s resting in another room, but I can get her, one moment please.” 
There’s a bit of background noise, the sound of footsteps, murmuring, then finally, your voice.
“Minnie?” you ask, sounding groggy. “I’m sorry for bothering you, I know you were working today.”
“Hey baby, it’s okay. You don't have to worry about me. You know that you’re more important than work to me right? I’m glad you got them to call me. How are you doing?”
“I'm tired. I'm okay, just, I was feeling light-headed and have a headache so I can't work. Hyunwoo said he thinks I have a fever.”
“Okay, I’m going to pick you up and bring you home then. Just continue resting until I get there. I'll see you soon.”
Seungmin doesn’t know what he’d do without the other members. As soon as he finishes explaining the situation to them, they’re already calling a car and working out schedules so that there aren’t any problems.
Hyunwoo eyes Seungmin carefully when they first meet, likely due to the face mask and hat he's wearing. When Seungmin removes the mask and shakes Hyunwoo’s hand, he's relieved when he doesn't appear to recognise him. It's not exactly a surprise, men are generally less likely to follow k-pop groups and Seungmin hardly looks like an idol when he's barefaced and in the jeans and t-shirt that he wore for the live.
“Thank you for calling me, Hyunwoo-ssi,” Seungmin says. “Sorry I didn’t pick up at first.”
“It’s okay, Min-ssi. Y/n-ssi mentioned that your work might make you difficult to contact.” Seungmin appreciates that Hyunwoo doesn’t make any attempt to pry further.
“And thank you for taking care of Y/n.”
“It’s not a problem. Y/n-ssi is a pleasure to work with and we all want her to get better as quickly as possible. Come with me, I’ll bring you to her.”
You’re lying in a small meeting room that has all the lights off and blinds drawn. The table and chairs have all been shifted to the side to fit a yoga mat that has been laid out. You squint up at Seungmin from under a mis-match of jackets with your head resting on a pillow that matches the couches that were in the reception area of your office.
“Minnie?” Your voice is soft and a little bit confused.
“Yes, it’s me, Y/n. How’re you feeling?”
Seungmin rushes to your side, crouching on the carpet so that he can cup your cheek. Your skin is flushed and hot to the touch. You reach out a hand and he clasps it tightly with his free hand.
“Mm, I wanna go home.”
“Let’s go home then.”
The company car is still parked outside of your office building, close enough that you insist on walking yourself. Seungmin tries not to hover, but he makes sure to keep his arm looped around your waist so that you don’t stumble. The drive back to your place is fairly short, but when Seungmin glances over you’re looking unwell. Maybe it’s just the dim lighting from the backseat, but you look paler than usual and your eyes are closed.
“You feeling okay?” Seungmin asks, squeezing your hand.
“A bit nauseous,” you murmur.
“We’re almost there, just take a few deep breaths through your nose for me.”
Even though it's only a few minutes before they pull onto the street that you live on, it feels like forever. Seungmmin tries to keep you preoccupied by rubbing circles into your palm. Instead of trying to help you out of the car and into your apartment, Seungmin thanks the company driver and opts to just carry you all the way in. 
He helps to change you out of your work clothes and tucks you into your bed. You link your fingers together and protest when Seungmin attempts to leave your side.
“I promise I'll be back in a second, I just want to get some things to help you feel better, okay?” he says, pressing a kiss to your forehead. You agree, but reluctantly.
Seungmin tries to stay quiet as he rummages around your apartment, gathering some medicine, a thermometer, a glass of water, and some crackers. Next he dampens a face cloth and brings everything to your bedside table, folding up the cloth and laying it across your forehead. 
He supports you in sitting up slightly to take your temperature, brushing his fingers through your hair as you wait for enough time to pass. You lean into his touch slightly, humming in pleasure when Seungmin switches to giving you a light head massage. When the thermometer beeps, it confirms what Hyunwoo suspected, you have a low grade fever.
“You have a bit of a fever,” Seungmin tells you, keeping his voice low. “Do you feel up to having some water and medicine? It'll help you feel better, I think.”
“Okay,” you say, taking the pills that Seungmin hands you and swallowing them with a bit of water.
“Do you want to rest some more now? I want you to stay hydrated so I can make broth for you or get juice.”
“Do you have another schedule? You don't have to stay and take care of me.”
“I don't have to, I want to. And what did I say earlier? Don't worry about me. I'm not missing anything important.”
“So you are missing something,” you insist, your stubbornness making itself known. Seungmin can't help but find it endearing, especially the way that your bottom lip juts out to form a pout.
“Just vocal lessons. I already know how to sing, so it’s fine. Innie had his scheduled for tomorrow, the two of us are going to swap.”
“Oh,” you say, apparently satisfied by that.
“See, nothing to worry about. Now, what did you want? Broth or juice?”
“Broth,” you decide. “But that means you'll have to leave again. I don't want to be alone.”
Seungmin hesitates for a moment before reaching for something resting on the side of your bed.
“You won't be alone, Daengmo will keep you company, okay?”
Seungmin had gifted the stuffed dog to you the first time he had gone abroad after the two of you had started dating, even though it was only to Japan. You had insisted that he keep it at first, knowing how fond he was of the toy, but he had convinced you that it would prevent you from missing him whenever he was away.
“M'kay,” you say sleepily, wrapping your arms around Daengmo.
“You can close your eyes while I'm gone and I'll be back before you know it.”
“I'm not tired,” you say, although even in the dim lighting Seungmin can see that your eyes are starting to droop. “I'm going to stay awake until you come back.”
“Whatever you say,” Seungmin replies.
He leaves your room, closing the door behind him quietly, and heads towards the kitchen.
Seungmin prepares a couple of pots to make you soup. The first he prepares with some ingredients to make a simpler version of a ginseng chicken soup. He knows it'll take a while to cook though, so he adds water, powdered chicken broth, and ginger to the second. Within a few minutes, the clear broth is ready to serve.
Seungmin scoops a portion of it into a mug and slips an ice cube in so that you won't burn your mouth trying to drink it. He makes his way back to your room as quickly as he can, but careful to avoid the liquid sloshing over the sides.
When he eases the door open, he's greeted with the side of you with your eyes closed, clutching Daengmo tightly. Your breaths are deep and even, although you stir slightly when he sets the mug down on your nightstand.
“I'm here now," he reassures you quietly. “You just keep resting.”
“Thank you for taking care of me,” you say in a small voice.
“Of course, I’ll always be here for you.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
till death do us part collection | read it on ao3 | masterlist
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house-of-lovin · 2 years ago
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love language
Tara Carpenter x F!Reader
masterlist | over (1) | safety net (3)
Summary: Tara Carpenter loves to play games with you. (inspired by love language by SZA)
Warnings: sexual themes implied, mature language. toxic!tara, jealous!tara.
Note: this was originally going to be a two-parter, but I wanted to keep writing about this dynamic. So I made it into three parts! Sorry for the long wait, I've been deathly ill the last few days, so it's been hard to do anything but sleep :/ but the last part will be posted tomorrow! (idk how i feel abt this but i tried my best lol)
Word Count: 3.7k+
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Tara: ‘Last night was fun ;) but had to run!’
At least she had the decency to leave you a text as she left you to wake up in your bed, alone.
Sighing, you sit up; cracks and pops reverberate through the empty room as you stretch your stiff muscles. You run a tired hand on your face and glance at the spot beside you where Tara was just hours ago. 
You should have known she would leave.
You weren’t sure if she even bothered to stay after you had passed from exhaustion after the fourth round. Tara rarely stayed over, her sister’s overprotectiveness made the occasion scarce. Coupled with the fact that the smaller girl thought it crossed boundaries to stay the night. So, the only time she had ever slept was when you fucked her senselessly she physically couldn’t make it home. 
“Morning!” A loud voice interrupts the quietness in your dorm. “I bought the three of us some coffee. By the way, I didn’t appreciate coming home to you and Tara naked. You do you, but at least send a text – or hang a sock on the door… where’d Tara go?”
“Left…” You flush embarrassed, grabbing the shirt on your headboard to slip on, and stepping off your bed. Shivers run through your bare feet as you step on the cold floor. 
“Oh…”
“Yeah… Oh.” You replied bitterly, moving to gather some clothes to start your day; even if it started off on the wrong foot already. 
“...How does that make you feel?” She says after a few moments of silence.
“You’re not gonna therapize me right now, Minds.” You laugh, trying to avoid her probing tone. “It’s too early and I’m nearly naked.”
“You’re really gonna stand there and tell me it doesn’t bother you how she’s acting?” She crosses her arms, fed up with you and her childhood friend’s immature antics. 
“Why would it bother me?” You say as evenly as you can. “We’re just hooking up.”
She scoffs, “Yeah right, Chad told me what happened at the coffee shop last night.”
You roll your eyes, “Of course, he did.”
“Point is… she’s playing games with you and you say that you’re fine with it because you're just hooking up but I can tell it bothers you, Y/N."
You stand rigid, unmoving and slightly uncomfortable. Talking about your feelings has never been your strong suit, maybe that’s why you fell so easily into this routine with Tara. It was all physical and lust-driven; no words have to be uttered when you two are tangled in each other’s sheets. But maybe, somewhere along the way lines began to blur the longer you got to know the Carpenter. The more your lives began to intertwine the harder it became to separate feelings during sex.
It grows increasingly difficult to ignore that thought, when she acts affectionately toward you around your friends. During movie nights, she’d scare off anyone else who dared to sit beside you; sharing a blanket and linking your fingers underneath. And in the classes you had together, she always made sure to save a seat for you beside her, leaning into you as close as she can.
“I promise… I’m fine. Tara can do whatever she wants.” You maintain eye contact with your roommate; trying to remain unbothered.
“I can’t deal with you two.” She rolls her eyes. “I’m just saying… you two have danced around each other long enough, maybe it's time you really talk to each other. Before someone gets hurt.”
You stay silent thinking over her words.
“Look... I really didn’t want to like you when I first moved here – getting stabbed makes people paranoid, you know.” She chuckles dryly. “But I guess the odds are finally in my favour 'cause I got a roommate I actually like… so figure your shit out because I’d like to keep hanging out together as a group please.”
You chuckle, breaking out of your trance. You send her a lopsided smile, appreciating her words. “I like being your roommate too, Minds.” 
“Gross, this is too much for me now… go take a shower, you reek of sex.” She purposefully avoids your eyes, turning to grab her now lukewarm coffee. 
You roll your eyes, laughing at Mindy's antics but grab some clothes anyway to start your day.
●●●
“So I just handed in my last assignment, which means it’s officially spring break for me… and everyone’s gonna be out tonight. Wanna come over?” Tara slides into your booth out of nowhere.
You flinch, slightly startled; dropping the pen you were using with a clang. You were currently in the common room on campus attempting to get some studying in before your final exam. “What?”
She rolls her eyes but smiles fondly at you. “I said, everyone’s out for the night. Come over… I miss you.” 
Your cheeks flush as your heart darts wildly in your chest at her words. “We were just together last night…”
“Yeah, but I had to leave so soon cause Sam was coming home early.” She pouted, moving closer to you to swing her leg over yours. 
You clear your throat, glancing down. “I still have to study for my exam tomorrow.” 
“Come over after you study then…” She places a hand on your inner thigh, swiping her thumb on the fabric of your pants.
“Tara…” You were trying your hardest to gather some sort of self-control but it was becoming increasingly difficult when she started leaving light kisses on your shoulder. “Tara there are other people around.”
You were lucky you had chosen a booth that was tucked in the corner of the room, facing away from possible wandering eyes. Even still, this was definitely not the time nor the place, no matter how much you wanted to give in. 
“Don’t care…” Her kisses on your clothed shoulder move upward toward your neck. You grab at her waist, trying to push her back. “Tara, seriously.”
She simply wraps her free arm around your shoulder, moving closer to you. “I’ll only stop if you promise to come over…” 
You feel her bite down on the bruise you tried to cover up with your hoodie; you wince. “Ow… okay, okay. I’ll come over, now stop before someone reports us for public indecency.”
She rolls her eyes, but smirks smugly, unwrapping herself from you. You’d be a liar if you said you didn’t immediately feel cold from the lack of contact. “You’re no fun… but I’ll see you tonight.”
The Carpenter doesn’t say anything else. Just slides out of the booth, gathers her things and walks away from you.
You drop your head against the headrest of the booth, heaving out a heavy sigh. You feel like the most pathetic person in the world for giving in so easily, especially since Mindy’s words kept ringing in your ears all morning.
Later that night, you found yourself standing in front of the Carpenter’s apartment, contemplating if it wasn’t too late to turn around and run away. This is a bad idea and you knew it. You should have padlocked yourself in your dorm and not left until the weekend was over. But Mindy had convinced you this was the best chance for you to finally talk to Tara.
So here you were rooted dumbly in front of her door. Unable to bring yourself to knock.
The door opening makes the decision for you. “I heard you stomping down the hall, were you not gonna to knock?”
She has a smirk planted across her lips as she leans against the doorframe. 
“Uh… I was just about to...”
You see her brow raise in amusement but doesn’t question your awkwardness; electing to pull you into her apartment with a tug on your wrist. “Come on… I have a movie on and popcorn waiting for us.”
You allow her to lead you through the apartment and then to the couch, pushing you to sit down. Upon sitting, you take a moment to scan the living room; taking note of the one light coming from the kitchen, casting darkness to the rest of the room. She has candles lit up on the coffee table across from you, with bowls of an assortment of snacks. 
This suddenly felt more… intimate. You felt a pang of guilt for thinking she had only invited you over as a booty call.
“Um… what is this?” You ask dumbly.
“What’s it look like? Movie night.” She chuckles before plopping down beside you and draping a blanket over your legs. You feel her move closer, pressing your thighs together. 
The two of you haven’t had a movie night since before you had fallen into this friends-with-benefits situation. They were actually the reason how you and Tara became closer in the early stages of your friendship. 
Two months ago, she had invited you over for a movie night under the guise of simply being bored, but when she had opened the door you saw the slight redness in her irises and the tear-stained marks on her cheeks. You said nothing and just allowed her to pull you inside. In your attempts to cheer her up, you may have made a trip to the liquor store around the corner and drank away your sorrows with the Carpenter. That was the first night you and Tara had ever slept together.
“Oh… I just thought–never mind. Movie night sounds nice.” You smile, appreciating her efforts. Maybe that talk can wait another time. You didn’t want to ruin the night when she was clearly trying.
“Good.” She returns your grin, settling in to lean against you as she entangles your legs. “No talking this is my favourite part.”
“The movie just started.”
“Hush.”
●●●
Thirty minutes must have passed when you felt a hand run up and down your thigh. Your eyes snap away from the TV, looking down atop Tara’s head as she leans on your chest. You couldn’t see her face from this angle but you can tell she was enjoying how you tensed in her touch.
You ignore the movements, turning back to face the screen. But Tara doesn’t seem satisfied as she tilts her head up. The feeling of her soft lips brushing against your neck makes you stiffen even more in her hold. And like earlier, she begins to leave a litter of light pecks on your still-bruised neck. 
“Tara…”
She hums, scooting up to reach your jaw. Her fingers tickle your sides as she slips her fingers under your shirt to grab your waist, shuffling to sit on your lap. Tara kisses that spot just under your ear that always makes you cave – marking you. She has you now and she knew it. 
A part of you wants to bang your head against the wall because of course this movie night would eventually lead to sex. It always leads to sex with Tara. It was like a vicious cycle you couldn’t get off of. But the way she touches you feels so heavenly that you couldn’t even think clearly enough to stop her.
“Take this off…” She mutters, bunching up your shirt in a fist as she pushes it up. You pull back to obey her request, hastily yanking the fabric off your head and connecting your mouths in a harsh kiss. You slip your hand under her shirt, tracing your fingers dangerously close to the waistband of her shorts. She whines under the cold touch. 
“No teasing…” She whispers before grabbing at your cheeks to pull you impossibly closer; the feeling of her tongue brushing against yours feels sinful.
You wrap an arm around her waist, ready to flip her on her back and take her on this couch when suddenly a frantic knock startles you both. 
“What the fuck?” Tara mutters, pulling away from you but keeping a firm grip on your shoulders. She was panting heavily, lips already beginning to bruise. 
“I thought you said everyone was out for the night?” You heave, also trying to catch your breath. 
“They were…” She mutters, sliding off your lap to toss you your shirt. You slip it over your head swiftly, following the smaller girl as she walks to the door. 
She takes a look through the peephole and the scowl on her face was an indication that she was less than pleased. Then she moves to unlock the numerous amounts of locks on her door, yanking it open.
The twins, Anika and Ethan stood on the other side of the door.
“What are you guys doing here?” Tara says unamused, crossing her arms over her chest. You move to stand behind her, connecting eyes with your roommate. 
“Mindy said it’s movie night, so we came over,” Chad answers from behind his twin, holding up a plastic bag with a large smile on his face. “Don’t worry, we brought snacks!”
You send your roommate a glare, grateful Tara had her back to you. Slightly irritated because Mindy had been the one insisting you go see Tara.
Tara sighs, dropping her crossed arms. She glances at you for a brief moment, before opening the door wider to let the others in. 
“I’m gonna make some more popcorn…” The Carpenter mutters, leaving the room. 
You immediately corner Mindy. “What the hell, man? You told me to talk to her, what are you doing here?”
She raises an unimpressed brow, pointing at your neck. “Did she leave that hickey on your neck when you guys were talking too?”
You slap a hand on the spot she’s pointing at, attempting to hide it. “Shut up… I was going to talk to her later.”
“No, you weren’t.” She whispers, glancing around to make sure no one was listening. “You two were going to have sex and ignore the talking part… like you always do.”
You cross your arms, scowling, “So you gathered the entire village to cockblock me instead?” 
“Yes.” She responds unapologetically. You stare at your roommate for a few seconds. Eventually, you groan lowly, knowing she’s right. You were about to give in to Tara and until you two have talked about what this is, that probably wasn’t the best idea. 
Ultimately, that chance to talk with Tara never came as the friend group all settled back in the living room to watch a plethora of movies for the rest of the evening. And when Sam came home, everyone knew to call it a night.
Maybe you dodged a bullet by not confronting Tara tonight. Not quite sure what you even wanted to say to her, yet.
Hey Tara, remember when we agreed to just be friends with benefits? Yeah well I caught feelings... actually I may be in love with you. And it hurts when you run off with other people. Ha. Sorry.
She would run away from you. Tara was like a deer, you needed to be cautious upon approach. But even then, it was getting increasingly difficult to just remain friends with her.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Tara leans against the doorframe; watching as you slip on your jacket to leave. 
“I have my exam in the morning, but maybe after.” You stand unmoving for a few moments, wanting nothing more than to leave a kiss on her cheek but her sister was standing right there, watching the two of you with an observant gaze. So instead, you squeeze her shoulder, send her a tight-lipped smile and catch up with the rest of the group down the hall. 
You missed Tara’s disappointed frown. 
●●●
“What’s wrong with you?” Anika asks over the loud music.
Since it was officially spring break for everyone; students who decided to stay on campus have been throwing parties non-stop. And currently, that's where Tara found herself; huddled on a couch on a Thursday night beside Anika and Mindy, sipping on a red-solo cup as she watches people drunkenly dance around the room. 
“What? There’s wrong with me.” She glances at her friend, confused. 
“You’ve been staring holes at the front door for the last ten minutes.” Mindy counters, peering over her girlfriend to look at her childhood friend. 
“You can just say you’re waiting for Y/N.” Anika teases, bumping her shoulder. "We all know."
Tara rolls her eyes, “I’m not waiting for anyone.”
The Carpenter hears a scoff, “You didn’t even wanna go to this party until you heard she might be coming.” 
You’ve been…distant with her lately. 
Giving half-excuses as to why you can’t hang out, cancelling last minute on group activities or taking hours to respond through texts.
She hasn’t seen you since your friends crashed movie night and that was already a few days ago. You never did meet up with her the next day, and since then you’ve made yourself scarce; not hanging out with the friend group, always seemingly busy. 
She had confronted Chad on your whereabouts, she figured he would know where you have been spending your time, given your… close friendship with the boy. But Chad had merely said you were helping your uncle with his shop uptown during the break, hence why you haven’t been around.
Tara was hoping she can get a chance to be alone with you tonight and ask why you have been so closed off with her when she caught wind that Chad might be dragging you to the party.
“Shut up.” She mutters, sipping on the cheap alcohol. “She’s been acting weird lately, I just want answers.” 
The two girls nodded, unconvinced. For the amount of times, you two say you’re just ‘hooking up’ Tara sure played the part of the concerned girlfriend perfectly. 
Eventually, Tara’s wandering eyes snap to the door, catching a glimpse of the top of your head as push past the crowd with Chad and Ethan trailing behind you. You seem tense, looking like you’d rather be anywhere else than here. 
Before she can even think about it, she’s standing, about to stomp over to you but a hand on her wrist stops her.
“What?” She glances over at Mindy.
“At least, let Y/N grab a drink before you ambush her.” She reasons, glancing over at you from across the room.
Tara turns to find you, Chad and Ethan greeting a group of people, smiling and laughing. The group eventually trickles over to the kitchen, no doubt grabbing some drinks.
“Fine…” She mutters, sitting back down in her spot as you disappear from her sight.
Tara waits for you to come out of the kitchen for the next ten minutes; patience thinning by the second. This was ridiculous, you were literally another room away. Why is she waiting for you to come back? 
As the smaller girl's eyes remain unmoving from the kitchen door, she eventually sees you walking out with an unfamiliar girl beside you. You were smiling, clearly entertained by the conversation. Tara feels an uncomfortable pang in her chest at your undivided attention towards the girl. 
The Carpenter can’t help her moving legs as she stands, abandoning her cup on a random table; stalking toward you with an unrelenting gaze. Before you can even step into the living room, Tara is dragging you upstairs by the wrist; leaving the girl you were conversing with confused.
“What the hell— Tara!” You stumble behind her, desperately trying not to trip on the steps as she tugs you along with an unabated grip. 
She pushes you through a random door, slamming it shut behind her. Tara crosses her arms just glaring at you.
“What’d you do that for?” You huff, feeling slightly irritated. 
She raises a brow at your tone, “Wanna tell me why you’ve been distant with me lately?”
You stand straighter, “I’m not… I’ve just been busy.” 
Tara chuckles dryly, “Busy enough to ignore my texts?"
You didn't answer and the scoff Tara lets out tells you it was the wrong choice to make.
"You didn't seem busy enough when you were entertaining that girl downstairs.” Tara couldn't stop the words from leaving her mouth, fed up with the silence.
She sees a flash of irritation in your eyes as you cross your arms, defensive. “Are you serious? Why do you even care? You’re not my girlfriend.”
Tara’s brows raise in surprise. For a brief moment, you regretted your words as she looked slightly hurt before her face drops impassively. “I didn’t know it was a crime to be worried about your friends.” 
You scoff, “Yeah friends…”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” She stares at you, not believing that for a minute. 
“What is going on with you?” Tara steps forward, but you take a step back. This time, the Carpenter can’t hide the frown on her lips. 
“I think we should stop this…us.” You gesture between you two. 
“What?” Tara's forehead creases in confusion, unsure if she heard you correctly. 
“I can’t do it anymore.” You mutter, eyes trained to your shoes; unable to look her in the eyes. 
“Why?” She takes a step forward, reaching for your arm but you yank back.
“Cause I caught feelings!” You shout making Tara flinch; the repressed feelings you've been hopelessly trying to bury come hurling out; unable to keep them at bay. You knew this situation would only end in heartbreak the longer it continued. So you made the decision to break your heart first before she got the chance to. “I can’t do the games anymore… I-I'm tired, Tara. I think we should stop.”
“I–I…” Tara stutters, taken aback by your confession. "Y/N... we agreed we're just hooking up."
You laugh solemnly, roughly rubbing your eyes. Was it possible to feel your own heartbreak? That's really all she had to say? "Yeah... well too late for that."
"Y/N..."
“You don’t have to say anything else. You made your feelings clear. But I caught feelings, okay? I know it wasn’t part of the plan, but it just happened. So I’m sorry, but I just need some space at the moment.”
Without waiting for a response, you brush past the smaller girl, slamming the door behind you. 
Tara stands rooted in her spot, unable to move as you leave her to process what you just said. 
●●●
Reader:
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:)
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tiajk · 1 year ago
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Zoro doesn’t let people touch his swords but you are an exception
He looks around to make sure no one is looking before he shows any signs of affection he’s so shy lol
He shares his drinks with you on occasion and every time this happens he tries to get you as drunk as possible so he can make fun of you being a lightweight because that’s just him
Maybe a lil smile on occasion because you make him happy AUGHH
Special Treatment
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A/n: OMG YES yall im so single it actually hurts me because No one wants me BUT anyways im staring once piece the anime version AND YALL i got carried away asf with this lmao
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SPECIAL SWORDS
When he’s napping and you're not he will set his swords by you and go and take a nap he look at you with this look in his eyes that says “protect these please” he won't say it physically unless you make him. If you do it takes him a while to stutter t out but when he does the tips of his ears will be red and he’ll be fidgeting with the ends of his shirt
You're reading a book about the ocean and all the animals that it holds and you hear heavy footsteps coming towards you. You know them, it's Zoro, the man that you love so deeply you would do anything for him. He doesn't have to say anything because you know that he’s looking over you like a shadow. You close your book making the page that you were on and look up at him and smile “you gonna say something or keep staring at me pretty boy?” The corner of his mouth turns up “Huh my presence isn't good enough for you {name}.” “of course but you lurking like a shadow is kinda creepy”. He crosses his arms and shifts onto his foot “I need something from you” You turned your full body towards him giving him your undivided attention it's rare for zoro to ask someone for something. “Well spit it out Ro” “Can you…can you watch my swords for me while I take a nap?” your heart skip a beat he trusted you enough with his treasure you nodded rapidly as he gave you all three of his swords “I'm gonna take a nap ill be up in about an hour or two” “ok zoro they’ll be right here with be when you get back” He nodded he looked around to see if anyone of the crew was there when they weren't he leant in and put a soft kiss on your forehead “thank you I love you”
SHY BOY
Zoro is not shy in himself nor his skills nor his confidence but when it came to you he couldn't even look at you without blushing from head to toe. The crew teased him for it constantly but he never showed affection to you in public.He wants to but part of his is so shy because hes never one anything like this before he was to busy with his swords hes never eine been in a relationship before
He heard you and nami talking about it in your quarters he was planning to take you out since you guys were docked for 2 days and he wanted to make it special He’s about to knock on your door but he hears nami’s voice and that stops him, “Does he even show you affection {name}?” you put your shoes on when she uses it as she's looking at you “what do you mean?” She sights “I don't think he's ever shown any emotion besides when he's drinking” “Nami that's rude he does show affection just not to the crew and i'm fine with that because he's not for everyone else”. “True but {Name} he's stiff as a board next to you I mean he can't even look at you wrought getting all dam-“ There's a knock on the door that stops her “Well thats my date nami see you later.” you blow her a kiss and open the door and see zoro. “Hi” “Hey you ready to go?” you nod “yea I am” you close the door behind you. He looks around twice making sure no one was around “Zoro what are you doing” He doesn’t answer when he puts his hands around your waist pulling you in gently but firm kissing you softly “Just kissing my favorite girl y’know”
HIS LIGHTWEIGHT
Zoro doesn’t play about 3 things: Drinking, His swords and you. And he trusts you with all of his being. That being exactly the reason why he’s making you drink with him right now. You drink but not a lot because you pretty much lightweight it takes. only about 3 cups of alcohol and you're drunk big time .
Zoro was holding your head from falling on the table. He made you drink about 4 cups tonight and now you're drunk and he's laughing his ass off at you. Nami keeps telling him to leave you alone but he doesn’t care because he thinks it's funny “ZoRo?” “yes {name}?” He looks at your room he can tell your tired but he just thinks that you're so cute when your drunk “I think that I love you” That caught him by surprise before he could conjure up something to say your head almost dropped onto the table he caught you even though he’s a little tipsy himself. When they go back to the going merry he puts you in his hammock sliding along with you. When you wake up the next morning your light head and your head is pounding. You try to climb over zoro and go to the bathroom he drags you back down with him before you can move again “Sleep please” he mumbles into your neck “Why we have things to do” He knows there’s no beating you but he lifts himself up so he looks at you “you know that you were an absolute idiot last night right?” you groan and hit your head back on the hammock “Don't tell me please”
YOU MAKE HIM PROUD
Zoro doesn’t smile as much as he should but with you he does and the crew notices that and there happy about it everyone needs to smile every once in a while
you would be in the kitchen with sanding trying to help him but he was getting on your nerves. Zoro s there with you for his mid day drinking he notices how i rated you are “Sanji or the last time its fucking ketchup it isn’t gonna hurt you” “{name} it’s simple really you just ha-“ “Finish that sentence and im going to beat you to a plump then throw you off the ship” Zoro smiles at you e kos you aren’t on for being mean but to the cook it makes his heart swell with joy
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arc852 · 3 months ago
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29. Sweet Tooth
Definition: a great liking for sweet-tasting foods.
Summary: Joel and Jimmy arrive at Joel's home and Jimmy tries something sweet for the first time.
G/t: Joel is normal-sized, Jimmy is a borrower
Word Count: 2027
AO3 Link
Another installment in the BBBCAU! This pretty much takes place right after Coveted. You might need to read that one or you'll be a bit confused!
Also, I can't believe GtJuly2024 is almost over! But we've got two more stories left! And I'm definietly not going to stop writing after this. There just might be a bit more time between posts after this month lol.
I hope you guys enjoy!
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 Joel entered his room after his reunion with his family. He’d normally spend more time talking to them and visiting first thing but he kind of rushed it, knowing Jimmy was in his pocket. He knew the poor borrower wanted out as soon as possible, the chest pocket not being nearly as comfortable as a hoodie pocket, according to Jimmy. So he hurried along the hellos to his family so he could rush to his room.
 He closed the door behind him, finally having some privacy. Despite his best efforts to rush, his family still managed to keep him downstairs for an hour. Jimmy was probably suffocating in his pocket by now. The thought made Joel more nervous and he lifted up the lip of his chest pocket. “Hey, everything alright in there?”
 Jimmy looked up at him from the pocket, looking more or less okay, if a little ruffled. He sent Joel a thumbs up. “All good but ready to come out now if possible.” Jimmy said with a chuckle and Joel snorted in turn. He then reached in carefully, using only two fingers to snag onto Jimmy’s body and pull him out. As soon as he was out of the pocket, Joel moved his other hand and released his pinched grip on Jimmy, letting him sit on his open palm.
 “Well, welcome to my room.” Joel said a bit half-heartedly. He’d be more excited but he did just drive 3 hours. “This is where I’ve spent the last 18 years of my life before going away to University.” 
 For Jimmy’s part, he did look excited. “Wow! It looks like the dorm but…more you!” Jimmy exclaimed, looking up at Joel with a grin.
 Joel snorted. “What does that even mean?” Joel walked farther into his room, setting his suitcase down at the foot of his bed and sitting on top of the bed, reaching over with his free hand to turn on his bedside lamp.
 “I don’t know, I can just tell this is your room, is all.” Jimmy tried to explain himself, face heating up a bit.
 “Or maybe you know it’s my room because I told you it is.” Joel quipped back and laughed as Jimmy got heated.
 “That’s not what I meant and you know it!” Jimmy yelled over Joel’s laughter.
 Suddenly, there was a brief knock on Joel’s door before it began to open. In a panic, Joel clasped his hands together with Jimmy in the middle to hide him and then placed his hands in his lap to look a bit more normal. His mom peeked in, looking at the odd way Joel was sitting with a confused face but thankfully she didn’t say anything.
 “Just wanted to let you know dinner is ready. Wash your hands and come down to eat.” She said and Joel nodded, watching and waiting until the door was fully closed and he heard her footsteps walking away. He let out a sigh of relief and opened his hands up.
 He winced as he saw Jimmy looked a bit knocked around. “Sorry Jim, I wasn’t expecting her to suddenly come in here like that.” He supposed dorm life made him used to people not suddenly walking in. “Are you okay?” He raised his hand, trying to make sure he didn’t hurt him with the sudden movement.
 “Yeah, I’m okay. Just startled me is all.” Jimmy said with a smile. “I’d rather be a bit ruffled than have someone else see me though. So thanks.”
 Joel nodded seriously. “Of course. Both me and Grian know how important it is to keep you hidden from everyone else.” He didn’t want to think about someone with ill intentions getting their hands on Jimmy. The very thought made his blood boil. He shook his head. “Anyway, if I don’t start heading down, mom will come up here again.” He set Jimmy down on his nightstand and stood up.
 “I’ll bring you up some dinner afterwards but it might be a bit. Are you gonna be okay here by yourself?” Joel asked, a little nervous leaving Jimmy alone. Sure, they left him alone all the time back at the dorm but Jimmy knew that place like the back of his hand. This was all new for the borrower.
 Jimmy waved away his worries. “I’ll be fine! I’ll just explore a bit, I’ve got plenty to see after all.” he wouldn’t be bored, that was for sure.
 Joel nodded. “Okay, just be careful.” He headed toward the door, glanced at Jimmy one more time before quickly opening and closing the door behind him.
 Jimmy listened to Joel’s footsteps fade away as he realized he was now alone for the first time in, well, a while. It was kind of nice if he was being honest. He loved Grian and Joel but even now it could still feel overwhelming being around them at times. Being alone for these little bits gave him some time to reset.
 Besides, right now, he was also excited to explore Joel’s room. It had been such a long time since he had explored a new space. Back at the college, a lot of dorm rooms were exactly the same, save the things inside that people brought with them. But this was completely new and Jimmy could feel his instincts kicking in. He wanted to explore and borrow and he wanted to do it now.
 Of course, he wouldn’t be doing any actual borrowing. This was Joel’s stuff after all and there wasn’t anything that he actually needed. But acting like he was on the hunt for something settled something in him that he hadn’t realized was still there.
 He started his climb down from the nightstand, ready and eager to explore.
  ***
   Joel balanced a plate in one hand and a glass of water in the other as he tried to open his door without dropping either of them. He thought about sneaking the food away at first, but there was no way he would be able to with all his family’s attention on him. So instead he lied and said he was still hungry. Thankfully it worked and he was ushered upstairs with an extra plate of food, some dessert, and water. It was honestly too much for Jimmy to eat but at least he had some variety in his options.
 He finally managed to open the door, closing it quickly behind him. He then stood there, scared to move when he realized Jimmy said he would be exploring. Which meant the borrower was currently on the ground. And without eyes on him, Joel didn’t want to move a single step. “Jimmy? It’s just me. I brought dinner.”
 His eyes scanned the floor until he saw Jimmy coming out from underneath his bed. He relaxed and made his way over to set the food and drink on his nightstand, being careful of where Jimmy was at. After making his hands free, he crouched down and scooped Jimmy up. Jimmy must have been expecting it because he didn’t so much as make a noise. He just settled into Joel’s palms. Joel smiled a bit at that, almost not wanting to put him down. But he knew Jimmy needed to eat, so he set him down on the nightstand as Joel took a seat on his bed.
 “Whoa! This looks so good!” Jimmy exclaimed, running over to the plate. 
 “Yeah, it tastes good too.” Joel forgot how Jimmy survived solely on take-out and dorm food. Which were fine but it didn’t hold a candle to a nice home-cooked meal. Was this Jimmy’s first time eating something home-cooked? “I think the chicken will be easy enough for you to eat but I’m not sure about the mashed potatoes.” Joel tried to explain.
 “I think it’ll be fine. It’s solid enough.” Jimmy said as he stuck his finger in it and licked it. He grinned at the taste. He then looked at the other thing on the plate, his eyes going wide. “What’s that?” He pointed to it.
 Joel hummed, following his finger. “Oh! My mom made us some dessert. Something special for coming back home. It’s chocolate cake.”
 “Chocolate cake?” Jimmy repeated back. He had never heard of it, at least as far as he could remember.
 Joel blinked. “Oh, I guess the dorms don’t really have desserts or sweets huh?” Not only has Jimmy been deprived of home-cooked meals but of sweets as well? He really needed to figure out a way to get these things to Jimmy more often. It just wasn’t fair.
 “Yeah, some humans bring like, chocolate bars and stuff with them, but those things are coveted. I never even hoped to get my hands on one. It would have been too much of a risk.” Jimmy explained and Joel winced. 
 “Well, you don’t have to worry about that now. Go ahead and eat as much as you want.” Joel said, leaning back on his hands to let Jimmy go at it. Jimmy for his part, nodded and started eating. He started with the actual dinner first, going for some chicken and then grabbing a scoop of mashed potatoes for himself. Joel watched fascinated. He’s seen Jimmy eat multiple times now but it was always so weird. Joel couldn’t help but stare sometimes.
 Jimmy was done with the main course pretty quickly. He couldn’t eat too much of it after all. In fact, to Joel it barely looked like he had made a dent out of it. At least it didn’t cost anything extra for Grian and Joel to keep Jimmy fed. Joel watched, excited, as Jimmy made his way to the chocolate cake.
 Jimmy himself was also excited. This would be his first time trying anything chocolate, let alone cake. He couldn’t wait to see what all the fuss was about. He grabbed himself a handful, making sure to get a bit of everything in it. It was messy though, way messier than even the mashed potatoes had been. Jimmy ignored that though and went in for a bite.
 His eyes widened.
 Joel laughed at Jimmy’s expression. “That good huh?”
 All Jimmy could do was nod as he went in for another bite. And another. And another.
 Joel blinked, laughter dying off and replaced by a bit of awe. “Oh wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat that much.”
 Jimmy couldn’t help it, it was the best thing he had ever tasted. Was this what he had been missing out on all this time? If that was the case, maybe the risk would have been worth it after all. This was delicious. 
 Joel’s awe was soon replaced by concern. “Ah, okay, yeah, I think I gotta cut you off here.” Joel said as he gently grabbed Jimmy and pulled him away from the cake. 
 “Hey!” Jimmy squirmed in his grip and Joel almost dropped him. He brought his other hand underneath to make sure nothing happened. Jimmy hadn’t squirmed in his grasp in a long time. Not since they had first met. This was different though, of course, as Jimmy very quickly settled down and just huffed at him.
 “Sorry Jimmy but if you keep it up, you’re gonna get a stomach ache.” He looked back over at the cake. Unlike the rest of the food, he could very clearly see that it had been eaten off of. “I’ll keep in mind you’ve got quite the sweet tooth though. I promise that won’t be your last chocolate cake.”
 Jimmy perked up a bit at that. “Alright. I guess I should stop for now.” Jimmy agreed and Joel laughed. He then took a better look at Jimmy and noticed how much of a mess he was. His laughter turned into playful disgust.
 “And you’re a mess. Guess it’s time for a visit to the sink.” Joel said with a shrug, grinning as Jimmy yelled. 
“No! Not the sink!”
 Joel laughed as he headed toward the bathroom in order to prepare the sink so Jimmy could clean himself up.
 The rest of this break was looking like it was going to be a lot of fun.
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wakeywakeyjakey · 1 month ago
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Hi! Non-system Harvey Dent/Two-Face fan here!
I really like the tragedy that is Harvey Dent and Two-Face. Now, I'm prefacing this by saying I don't think Two-Face's existence is the tragedy. The tragedy is the acid incident that caused Harvey to lose his faith in the justice system. Two-Face making himself known was NOT the tragedy. Harvey went from Harvey "Apollo" Dent, the apple of Gotham's eye, the perfect DA, to a crime boss and super villain. I guess that fall from grace is what apeal for me. Similar to why I like Jason Todd.
As for seeing validity in their DID, I believe I do? Obviously, I don't have DID, so I can't say that all of my thoughts about the two of them are appropriate. When I have thoughts directly relating to their DID, I try to talk to about them to my friend, who's a system, but it's not like he can speak for all systems.
I have a myriad of headcanons that are just Two-Face being a person. I know a lot of people with DID, the host finding out they have is a thing that can happen at least decently into adulthood, so I think Harvey wasn't even aware until the acid incident. Two-Face was, though. I hate when Two-Face is written as just... Harvey's bad thoughts. I often wonder about other alters that could be in their system, but I'm not huge on OCs, so I haven't written any.
I hope this makes sense and isn't too just rambling. <3 <3
This definitely makes sense to me!! Maybe this is also silly, but the idea that people can enjoy the character + validate their DID + ALSO like the character for reasons that aren't related to it at all is encouraging. It's like, acknowledging that DID can be a part of the story without being the whole story. Because there are definitely TF creators who rely entirely on the shock value of DID to sell the story without fleshing out anything else--and he has a super intriguing story even without it! (I love that that overlaps into Jason being a fav character for you too because I'm a big fan of that combo!)
I think a LOT about the other alters in the TF system! If you're curious about it but not a big fan of OCs, Judge is a "canon" third alter in their system! He only shows up in BTAS (and I pretty sure only in one episode lol) but has been accepted by a lot of TF fans as a third alter! The idea is that he's an alter who split after they were already an established criminal and he exists as a vigilante who kills criminals to rid the city of crime (so somewhere at the intersection between Harvey and Harv). Judge is a really, really cool character and I wish he had gotten more a change to shine!
I appreciate the perspective! It's really nice to know that there are people who are interested in TF and come at the character from a respectful and informed lens! <3 it's more than what I was expecting considering the way TF has been sensationalized as this big scary mentally ill guy so, from a system, thank you for that lol
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obsessivemusicfr3ak · 22 days ago
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10/18/24 12:00 AM
NEW FUCKING MACHINE GIRL ALBUM JUST DROPPED WE FUCKING LISTENING BITCH
1:Ok fr tho already heard first song from single its aight (better than i remember now that im listening again) ((theres also no lyrics out yet so im not gonna mention those at all))
2:Second song titled "nu nu meta phenomenon" is fucking INCREDIBLE the sound design and awesome drums continue the awesome trend of live instrumentation mixed with glitchy elements that leads to a heavenly experience!
3:Glitchy goodness continues on the third track, which has some amazing synth leads that are just a fucking amazing vibe. The ending is great aswell! A nice build up and climax to some CRAZY noise.
4:The standout element of this album is definitely the drums. The groove you get from them is exemplified perfectly on this track. Pretty nice track although ill have to let it grow on me a bit ngl.
5:This track is completely unique from anything else ive heard on the album. (I cannot get over the fact that the first verse uses the same flow as your favorite martian on mr douchebag.) The sound design continues to be otherwordly, legitimately so on this track sounding like music from outerspace. The latter half of this track is a lot more smooth and enjoyable than the first half.
6:Ohhh my god this interlude is amazing. Super ambient yet creepy vibes. Just a really nice relaxing track im definitely coming back to a ton.
7:Ive heard this song before. Absolute peak. Easily top 3 machine girl songs ever released, imo. Perfect blend of awesome electronic drums and live instrumentation in the more "punk rock" sections. The idm sections have an awesome groove and the transitions to the punk rock sections are just SO good. When this first dropped i was very surprised by it, but hearing it in context it makes perfect sense and fits snuggly as the center of this album.
8:Super cool track. Awesome drum grooves with some really unique vocals. Overall this is just a really fun song, with the high pitch really "bright" sounding instruments. The switch up later on brings a really nice element to this track aswell. Will be returning to this track many times i can tell. Not much to say here its just really good lol
9:The high pitch vocals really make this track for me. Super (again) groovy feel and awesome sound. The chaotic ending gives this track a good feel that makes it stand out from the rest of the tracklist
10:Living up to its name, "Grindhouse" starts with super dark feeling, as if you are in a house party on acid in a movie. This track just gets me moving man its so dancable! The second part of this track blends themes of house and techno with the experimental dark sound going on here, machine girl style with crazy sound design and distinctly machine girl vocals. This song just has a bounce to it that i love.
11:Another great interlude that sounds like a radio transition on a bad trip.
12:Transition into this song was amazing. The vocals already are captivating me with this aphex twin drukqs synth vibe, similar to cock/ver10. Vibing hard to this crazy ass track, just loving this switchup midway through, suddenly switching to a nice chill beat that still somehow sounds cracked out. AND IT SWITCHES UP AGAIN! Holy this song is so fucking good... the bass synths going loud in my ears and insane sounds im hearing definitely makes this track sound exactly like its name, "schizodipshit". The glitchyness adds to it aswell, and the cut back to reality with this simple beat right after omggg this song is phenomenal!!!!!
13:This was the third single for MG Ultra, and i love this song through and through, from the starting section with amazing drumming and superb chorus. I know the lyrics by heart to this song already i love it so much!! Its super relatable to me with it being about being belittled in small ways adding and not feeling respected by your peers. With lines like "psychic attack, when you're talking shit behind my back, psychic attack when i fall and hear your laughter" reveals this theme. Amazing final track that is a perfect closer for this just amazing album.
FINAL THOUGHTS: This album is the start of a new direction for machine girl, one of punk rock influence and more live instrumentation which I am really excited for! This keeps the same crazy energy and wild sound design and mixes it with punk rock groovyness. A must listen for machine girl fans. They have outdone themselves with this record. 10/10
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doostyaudi · 1 month ago
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this is a masterpost for my Rave-n AU for madness combat! information is below the cut cuz theres so much! '^^
what is the Rave-N AU?
its a madcom au where people fight to the beat of music, and what music they use depends on what genre of music they're assigned. basically its just madness combat but if it was a rhythm game lol. the lore is different in many aspects, but in general things play out exactly to how it plays in the canon series.
where did you get the idea?
it originally started at Rave-N Hank (rnank), my hanksona. he was just a standalone hanksona before i decided to expand his universe a bit, and here we are now! rnank is STILL my hanksona btw
what can and cant we do?
well, im very lax with this au, i dont have many restrictions other than to just be mindful of the lore and be respectful of my decisions when it comes to the story and characters, thank you!
oh, btw, do NOT treat these characters like their canon counterparts, treat them like u would treat someone's oc as that is what they are. All canon characters within this au are my ocs.
and yes you can put ur ocs into this, as well as making ocs that are exclusively within the au. the only thing to keep in mind when adding an oc to this universe is that if theyre an official citizen of Nevada, they NEED a spiked collar (employers and higher powers are the only ones who are exempt from this rule), doesnt matter how it looks at all, they just need one!
also yes you can ship characters together (oc x canon is welcome and encouraged!!) idc who u ship with who (maybe i will in the future but rn idc)
if you have any additional questions, feel free to ask in my inbox! ill be more than happy to answer! if i find it important enough, ill update this segment with that question added!
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characters
main cast: sanford, deimos, doc, tricky, auditor, sheriff, jeb, and phobos
why isnt hank included? he is my hanksona, he is a completely different guy lol. if you want to get a could reference pic of him, look at his artfight page (sorry if you dont have an artfight acc, ill make a new ref for him soon enough!)
literally everyone else: the machine (redesign needed), the maker, conductor, deliberator, stygian, skinner (redesign needed), the sun, torture, white hank, happy hank (skittles), dr.crackpot
misc: aahw guys, alternate rnaudi design, alternate rnaudi design 2, moon (idk if i should keep her in or not..)
my ocs (not canon btw): yara, 04, charlie, maudi, yara but in a different timeline, bank (old old old hanksona), manager
honorable mentions (other ppls ocs/own rave-n designs): redge, explorer
any characters you want to see in the au? my inbox is always open! :3
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random assortment of information abt/relating to the au
rnackpot's odd music taste , how music works during fighting (part 1), why are there 2 keystone fragments?, rambles abt rnaudi (part 1), madcom hc that applies here, polyamory? in my madcom? more likely than you think, rnygian hates rnank but cant do anything abt it :(
that is everything, for now! ill try to update it as things go on! feel free to ask me any questions u have!! thank you for reading!
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Have the entire twilight movie in a stamp, as a treat!
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cal-daisies-and-briars · 3 months ago
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A more normal ask this week I think
🧟
🔮🔮
⚡⚡⚡
🩸🩸🩸🩸
🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨
But because I'm a bit crazy about the prospect of these new ones
🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼
💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐
And I'm obsessed with Cranberry
🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺
So more normal in terms of most of the numbers perhaps but still a bit extensive either way sorry lol
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Hey!!! Love these pyramids of emojis I've been getting. Don't be sorry AT ALL! I love it.
Okay 3 for 🧟:
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Buck leads Bobby out back behind the community center portion of the building. A utility shed with power access, padlocked, is where Buck keeps all his fishing net gear and other miscellaneous things. It’s also where he’s hidden the radio, signal booster, and laptop.
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6 for 🔮:
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There is complexity in her expression. Not the plain grief of someone who has just lost a husband; something more confused  than that. Something that makes Buck think, for whatever reason, of his sister. 
The other boy, an older teenager - Charles? - is scowling. He sneers when the priest says something kind about his father. This takes Buck by surprise.
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9 for ⚡:
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He never had one the first time. But he’s fairly certain you’re supposed to, one, be a bachelor. Which Eddie is not, technically. And two, not spend the night more or less attached to the person you’re marrying. Which Eddie did. 
And that’s exactly how Eddie wakes up. More or less attached to the actual bachelor in this situation. 
He’s laying sideways across a hotel bed, legs hanging off the side of the mattress. Buck is pretty much flopped on top of him.
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12 for 🩸:
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“Please forgive me, Maddie,” Buck whispers. 
Maddie exhales. “I feel like I should have known.”
“How could you have?” Buck asks.
“That 9-1-1 call, when you found him dead… I… It was horrible. I thought… I guess I thought a part of you sort of broke.”
Buck shrugs. “Maybe it did. I don’t know.”
---
15 for 🚨:
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It all happens so fast. 
One day, life is the way it is. The next, it seems, the world is ending. Decisions have to be made. Systems have to change. Everyone has to stay home. Everyone, excluding first responders. Things still need responding to. 
For Eddie, it involves a hard choice. One he didn’t think he’d have to make. He’s spent the past nearly two months worried about dying. Mortality. Leaving his son orphaned and traumatized. Missing this beautiful life he’s somehow stumbled upon. And, well, he could. Nobody knows anything about this illness yet.
---
27 for 🔼:
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If he thought he was confused before, Eddie is practically reintroduced to the concept of confusion. He has no understanding of what is happening or why. He feels dropped in a train station in an unfamiliar country, where no one speaks the languages he speaks, and the writing might as well be cuneiform. He has no idea why Shannon would do this to him. He has no idea why she would lie. He is so deeply angry. He is so deeply worried. He loves her. He hates her. He just wants her to be alright. 
She is alright. Although, it takes hours for them to get official word on this. 
Shannon’s shoulder is dislocated. They reset it; a painful process for her. That will heal, though they worry with the severity, it may require some physical therapy. 
Her ankle isn’t broken. They think badly bruised and sprained. She’ll be off her feet for a little bit. 
She’s banged up pretty badly from her fall. Lots of wounds that require cleaning. Bruising, to be sure. But no head or spinal injuries. This is the main thing. This is the best piece of luck. Everything else will heal. 
Then there’s the other matter. The one that feels like a cold grip around Eddie’s heart. 
---
27 for 💐
---
"Of course not, May. You’re always welcome. More than welcome.”
So she keeps coming.
One day, Hen and Buck approach her. May isn’t sure if Bobby put them up to it, or if there’s simply not a lot going on. Eddie, Chimney, and Ravi seem otherwise occupied with fire station chores, so she’s not sure how they got off easy. Either way, Buck takes a seat in the chair adjacent from her, and Hen sits beside her, and they both strike up a conversation. As it turns out, the exact sort of conversation she was looking to avoid. 
“Alright, May,” Hen sighs. “What’s really going on?”
“What do you mean?” She asks, not looking up from her books. “I’m just studying.”
Hen clicks her tongue off the back of her teeth, unimpressed with May’s answer. 
“Speaking as someone who tried to study for med school exams on this same couch? That’s bull.”
May scoffs. “Hey!”
“It’s kind of loud,” Buck backs Hen up. 
“The alarm. The echoes. The constant activity.” Hen says. She points at Buck. “This one talking.”
“I’m kind of loud,” Buck agrees.
---
39 for 🦮:
---
Buck is actually sleeping when he gets the call. 
It’s been nine months since he lost his leg, and in that time, he’s sort of gotten used to a normal schedule. Shift work kind of fucked with his circadian rhythms, and even before firefighting, he’d never had a proper routine. If he has to give it to one aspect of being traumatically medically retired from the career he loved, it’s the fucking routine. Getting a full night’s sleep every night? Game changer. 
The point is, he’s asleep when it happens. Curled up with a fifty-five pound golden retriever, who is currently somehow the big spoon in this arrangement. And although nine months may have passed since he last took a call, when his phone starts ringing on his bedside table, Buck snaps awake with first responder levels of awareness. 
He scrambles to grab the device, disrupting Cranberry, who gives a loud, dramatic sigh. She stands, walks from Buck to the opposite corner of the bed, and flops down, annoyed. Fair enough. Her beauty sleep is important. 
“...Lo?” Buck slurs into the phone. He answers it without checking the caller. If it’s spam he’ll be pissed. 
“Buck?” Bobby’s voice responds. 
Buck feels suddenly twice as alert.
“Bobby? Is everything okay?”
“Have you been watching the news?” 
“No? It’s the middle of the night.”
“It’s not even eleven.” 
Okay. Well… 
“Bobby, what’s going on?” 
“It’s Eddie.” 
Buck goes rigid.
“Is… Is he?”
“He’s okay. But he’s had a very close call.” 
Buck sighs, relieved. That was the longest single second of his damned life. 
“Jesus.”
“And he’s asking for you.” 
19 notes · View notes
oatflatwhite · 5 months ago
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Absolutely feel free to not answer but I was wondering how you grew more comfortable being aro/ace? I’m 22 and ace (maybe aro too idk) and I recently ended an on again off again relationship and I am questioning if I ever felt anything towards him in the first place. Im kinda scared bc I love romance but idk if I’ll ever experience it? I wish I was as secure as you seem to be. Thank u in advance 🙂
hey anon :) thank you for reaching out! it's a really hard feeling to come to grips with so i hope i can help in at least a small way.
id'ing as aroace has been quite the journey for me. i've known i was ace for the longest time, but there was a period of several years where i denied even that (thanks 2016 tumblr discourse). eventually i realised that certain feelings would just never happen to me and that was ok - because i could still have romance, right? well!
i think it was around 2021 i kind of thought hold on. i've lived 23 years on this goddamn earth and don't think i've ever had a real romantic feeling/urge for someone who wasn't a fictional character/someone i didn't "force" myself to like because everyone in high school has crushes, right? so i thought about it and just went oh. oh! and it almost felt as though a weight came off my shoulders. like, yes, i was fucking bummed to realise i would probably never fall in storybook love. but there was this sense of a burden i could unshoulder because suddenly i wasn't beholden to the need to find that love, you know? i could just. be me. and even though it might make me sad sometimes, it's enough.
since then i've been up and down about it, absolutely. i even had a brief period last year where i convinced myself i actually did like this guy in real life! through a comedy of errors i realised that romance in my head was fine but any kind of real life interaction in that vein made me sick to my stomach fr lol. (for real! he had to drive me home in my own goddamn car bc i felt so ill.) i still get upset about it sometimes too. i mean, all i write is romance. i read and watch a lot of romance too. romance is every fucking where and it is so ingrained to be a part of everyone's lives that to try and distance yourself from it in order to feel more comfortable not feeling it is. virtually impossible.
where i am right now, 26 years old, 10 years into my ace journey and about 3 into my aro one, is here: i like my life. i love my friends. i can't force myself into a feeling that i will never have. and maybe at times i will be lonely and sad about it, but building a community has helped so much. whether that's with other aro/ace people, or just your friends or family or anyone else you trust with this. because romantic love =/= personal fulfilment, happiness, success. we've just been told it does. it just takes work to make yourself believe otherwise.
and it's ok to be sad about it. but even if you feel lonely, you're not alone.
also, because i'm nothing if not a girl who loves a bibliography, i would recommend checking out these sources:
loveless by alice oseman
ace: what asexuality reveals about desire, society and the meaning of sex by angela chen
this essay by k.a. cook
and pinging a couple blogs with some good aro resources, though i'm sure there's more out there! @aroworlds @arowitharrows
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nowoyas · 1 year ago
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Boiling Point 3: ...Will Still Boil Over Eventually - Miguel O'Hara/Reader (NSFW)
First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3
A/N: well folks and strokes I have no self control. this was originally supposed to be the finale, but lol. lmao, even. you didn't really expect me to finish a storyline in only three parts?
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Summary: You reach your boiling point.
Notes: sub drop, a frankly ill-advised length of time to be edging oneself
Word count: 3317 words!
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It is day…
uh…
(What fucking day is it again?)
You’re tired. You’re bored. You’re horny. And that handsome motherfucker sent you a carousel of Spiders to explicitly make sure that you were actually resting in the time he so generously gave you.
Your package delivery was delayed by a combination of bad luck and worse luck, apparently, because it should have been here by now. You stopped bothering keeping up with your journaling partway through this, namely because you were starting to become hyper-aware of all your negative traits when you wrote them down (teenage boy levels of horniness and anger, mostly) and also because you’re starting to feel… low. Low low. Low low low low low.
The part of you that’s desperate for sex with a man you’ll never have or even just a fucking release at this point is losing out to your deep-seated need to be right. And in your contract, you said until the new vibe arrives. So, you are stuck waiting, lest you prove yourself completely slutty and undisciplined. And you are not slutty or undisciplined.
The worst part, you think, is the understimulation. Sure, you’ve got hobbies, but you don’t want to do any of them right now. You want to get someone’s hand on your tits and teeth on your neck, or else you want to hook yourself up to a vibrator until you discover new frontiers of consciousness and burn out the motor on that one, too, or else you want to lay here and rot. And fuck it, you can’t do any of that, because you still have your shitty office work to attend to, which doesn’t even distract you from the real problems in the world: dimensional anomalies, stopping criminals, and the criminal lack of dimensionally anomalous dick in your mouth.
Honestly, at first, it was sexy. You liked the little thrill of rolling over in bed and seeing your contract and knowing that you’re being so good even without a dom to make it so. You liked the idea of the denial, the promise of a new toy coming as a reward for all the longing in the meantime. Part of you still does, but that part has been glazed over with a level of self-loathing that usually being a Spider wipes away.
If you were worth anything, you wouldn’t have to enforce this yourself.
If you were worth anything, someone would be telling you what a good girl you’ve been, that you’ve worked so hard for this, that you’ve earned the right to cum.
Admit it.
You’re not doing this alone to prove a point.
You’re doing this alone because no one is ever going to do it for you. Not for long, at least.
You know two ways to fill time and void—searching for good views from too-tall buildings and masturbation. The too-tall buildings frustrate you even more, because occasionally one of your coverage Spider-Men will swing in and remind you that you’re under strict orders to rest, or worse, you’ll see them at work and know that Miguel has probably instructed them to web you to a wall if you try to help with YOUR job, and then you just feel even more useless and angry and empty.
Okay, so skyscraper sightseeing is out. What about masturbation?
Yeah, that’ll work. Add more sexual frustration to your sexual frustration. You like sexual frustration, right? Clearly, since you’re still doing this bullshit. Go ahead, we put some sexual frustration on your sexual frustration so you can get sexually frustrated while you experience some light sexual frustration. This can only serve to alleviate your problems. Clearly. Dumbass.
…you make sure to leave your wristband in the other room before you take your pants off.
And you know what? Maybe it’s the demon on your shoulder egging you on when you slip two fingers inside yourself and fantasize in scraps of images—sharp teeth, big muscles, webs holding down your wrists—and chase release, but you no longer care about the stupid fucking contract or your stupid fucking delayed package or your stupid fucking—
There is a noise in the other room.
A noise that sounds suspiciously like an incoming call on your wristband.
You can’t help it. Fuck your neighbors. You actually scream.
Okay. You’re overreacting. Walk it back. This is good. You didn’t break the contract, because you didn’t cum, and that call probably means you’re back in business and able to be a fucking Spider again.
So really, you're glad you got a call. You wash your hands, you scrub extra hard. You make sure your Spider suit is on, you make sure you're wearing casual clothes with the zippers all pulled and hiding your suit. When you're calm and collected and ready, the dread and self-hatred is still there, as is the frustration, but you didn't spend years in customer service without learning how to wear a smile even when the only desire you have left in your little heart is that lingering drive to take up serial killing.
You find the wristband on the coffee table. Slip it on. Hit the button to call back.
And there he is: man of the hour, loathe of your life, Miguel O'Hara. You've been trying not to think of him by his full name only, but it isn't working, mostly because you've also been halfway trying to not think of him at all.
You don't really process most of the conversation, too busy floating in the space between "horny" and "dead inside", but you do hear the words "we need you back on to help with an anomaly" pretty fucking clear, and you know damn well you wouldn't say no to that.
"Give me two minutes to get changed," you manage, already pulling at the shorts you so carefully hid your Spider suit under.
"You get one and a half.”
Aw, he's cute. Miguel's holo is looking away from you, and it blinks out of existence in the time it takes you to get your free hand hooked under your waistband. He's not flustered; you're not sure that's possible, but his unnecessary display of respect is endearing.
You're ready to go in one. You take the thirty seconds remaining to fix your hair and play it cool, even if you're now stuck between excited, horny, and dead. I heard, if you add a fourth emotion to the mix, you can build a house out of your weird bullshit and finally put a ceiling on it. Give it a try sometime!
You slip into spidery actions the same way you do swimming pools—the initial drop of your stomach, water too cold on your toes, New York City but Wrong, then the adjusting. You always adjust. Anomalies blur together for you by now, amalgamate into a series of fun diversions that lower your stress and put the pieces of you back together in the process.
They’re supposed to put you back together.
They’re supposed to put you back together.
The anomaly is dealt with. You’re spidering again. You got your rush from the heights and the wind against your mask, your adrenaline from a fight gone well. You returned to HQ with your partners from this little adventure no worse for the wear, and even Miguel has afforded you an approving nod at the work you’ve done.
You’ve done a good job. A great job. Something has pushed out the rage in you and taken its place, but you know better. This fight against this anomaly did not, in fact, put you back together.
You need to go home. You have to report in, first. It’s redundant. You need to leave. You’re doing good. You need to smile and do it anyways.
Your smile is heavy, so heavy, nearly impossible to drag out of you. You wish you could leave it where it sits in the pits of you, go home and find a cave to live in where civilization is not and no one can ever make you smile again because—
You need to stop everything there is danger there is danger you need to MOVE—
You jolt away, violent, exaggerated, but it’s just Peter, frozen with his elbow raised awkwardly, halfway to nudging your side for your attention.
“[name]?”
“Sorry,” you mumble, as though that does anything, for anyone, ever, at all. It does nothing, in fact, and you’re hyper-aware of that. An explanation might help. “My head’s not back in this dimension yet.” Great explanation. You’re winning at this. I’m so proud of you.
“Right,” Miguel says. “Your report?”
“Oh. Right.” You rattle off the details. They’re hardly anything worth reporting, really. When you’re done, there’s a heavy silence in the room. Everything’s heavy right now, kind of. Like that week away turned the multiverse into molasses.
You glance up through the silence to see that Miguel is staring you down. Okay, more like looking at you, but it all feels the same right now, your skin crawling at being perceived at all.
“Are we done?” The words come out too aggressive. You’re not angry; you’re not anything. The words are just too heavy to drag out without a little bit of bluntness. You hope he won’t take it as a challenge.
“You did good.”
Fucking hell.
You didn’t brace yourself for that one.
There’s motions between you hearing the words and you being on the floor. There must be, because you were on your feet, and now you are not. The heels of your palms press against your eyes, you’re gasping for air, and—
Oh. You’re crying your eyes out.
Are you sure you’re not overreacting a bit?
Heightened spider senses inform you someone is reaching for you, begs you to move, screams at you to throw them away and make sure no one ever touches you again, but you’re too caught up in the tears to do a thing about it, too caught up in the waves finally crashing down on you and shredding your skin in the sand of all the resentments you’ve been building, too caught up too caught up too caught up—
Woah, hey, let’s take a deep breath—
Out.
I’m not just going to leave them crying on the floor—
Out!
—someone is touching you someone is holding you leave me alone leave me ALONE—
LYLA. Portal back to their home dimension. Now, please.
Already on it. I’ll send for Jess.
Good thinking. I’ll be back.
~
Miguel is careful not to jostle you too much as he sets you on your couch. You dissolved into tears and are still dissolving now, wordless. He shakes his head at the sight.
When he realized what was going on and placed you on leave, he had sort of been trying to avoid a situation that looked a lot like this. He tells himself there was only so much he could do and not a single right answer to keep you from steering yourself straight off an emotional cliff.
Well, that’s not right. There had been a right answer; it just wasn’t the one he chose. The least he can do is stay with you until you’re stable. The least he can do is see you through this drop.
You’re not talking yet, so he tears away from you to search for anything you might want for aftercare and tries to run the autopsy report of his latest failure.
Admittedly, he misjudged what a compliment would do to you, so close to the edge. The goal really had had been to uplift you. He could have done worse. It’s not like he broke out the ‘good girl’. And yeah, maybe it was too jarring coming from his mouth after the last time you spoke in person.
Maybe he was just too late. By the time he got to you, you were already locked in. Even before that, you were acting more reckless than usual. Really, he was the one who should have seen it coming and put a stop to it day one. He should know better by now, when it comes to you.
He’s on autopilot, so he grabs the fluffiest-looking blanket from the pile on your bed, the most hug-worthy pillow, and returns to wrap you up.
You accept the pillow wordlessly, don’t even bother resisting when he wraps the blanket around you. You’ve gone from sobbing to sniffles, but he’s got work to do yet.
“Better?” he asks, voice low. His voice comes out gentle, even gentler than he was shooting for, and he curses the effect you have on him like he does every time.
You eye him warily, nod silently. You’re all verb-adverb right now, it seems, but at least you are a little better.
“What do you usually do for this?” he asks, and okay, maybe that’s a little up front, given the way you jolt and shift your expression to a glare.
“What makes you think I do anything?”
He lets out a little huff, settles in on the couch next to you. “You haven’t figured out by now how to handle yourself?”
“I can handle myself just fine, and if you even begin to act otherwise I swear to god—“
“Have I ever said you can’t?”
“You put me on leave. For a week. Not just from interdimensional stuff, but from protecting my own city. What the hell else is that supposed to say?”
Oh. You completely misinterpreted him, didn’t you?
“It means that I thought you needed the rest and correctly gauged that you wouldn’t take it willingly. If I was wrong, then you wouldn’t be crying on your couch right now, would you?” He cringes internally. That came out wrong.
“It’s not like it prevented it,” you mutter.
He sighs. You’re not being very receptive, and he needs to get the right words in his head in the right order with the right tone before he makes things even worse. So he stands and begins walking to your door.
“Where are you going?” you call after him, and your voice is small enough that he nearly stops.
No, Miguel. Control yourself.
“Checking your mail.”
“You’re going to walk all the way down the stairs to the mailboxes on the first floor? You’re going to unlock my mailbox with a mail key you don’t have, and—“
By your front door, there’s three hooks with keys. One is labeled “mail”. He picks it up, then glances back to where you’re craning your neck over the back of your couch. His hand is already on the door, and he’s firmly unbothered by your attempts to protest with logic.
“You’re in your Spider suit, stupid. Do you want people to see you walking out of my apartment? Trying to give away my secret identity? It’s not like people aren’t gonna notice one of the Spider’s caked-up new friends walking around the apartment building—“
…Caked-up?
He shakes his head and opens the door anyway. You make a good point about him being in his suit, but it’s not like he can’t handle himself for one trip to the first floor and—
Oh. There’s a package on the floor in front of your door.
That’s good enough. He’ll bring that inside.
~
“Your neighbor got your mail by accident,” Miguel says, already walking back from the door. “Let’s see, he says…” In one hand, he reads from what looks to be a hand-written note, and in the other…
You catch sight of the logo emblazoned on the side of the envelope he carries and have to kill the screech in your throat. Whatever pathetic tears you were crying for stupid reasons before mean nothing now.
You’re so fucking glad you bought from a new sex shop this time. You’re so fucking glad this one doesn’t have some super obvious name that makes it very clear that the Sex Toy Destroyer Himself was carrying your replacement for all the toys he personally destroyed. Hell no, you’re not taking credit for those. You’re not the insanely hot one here.
Of course. Of course you would have a completely unprecedented breakdown in HQ directly in front of Miguel. Of course he’d stick around to make sure you weren’t completely useless. Of course your new toy would show up whenever Miguel decides to be weirdly nice and bring in your mail for you. How else would things go? You’re the one with all the luck here.
Miguel is mid-sentence saying something you’ve been completely not listening to, and you do feel guilty for that, but come on. It’s taking everything in you not to freak out. You’re giving yourself whiplash just trying to calm down. Like, it’s normal. People receive mail sometimes, idiot, and sometimes that mail gets delivered to the wrong place, and that’s good and normal, and sometimes your neighbor is kind enough to leave it on your doorstep with a note, and sometimes—
“He’s asking you on a date.”
“What?” In less than a second, your web is on the back of the page, and Miguel lets it sail from his hand and into yours. “Let me see that.”
Holy shit. Your neighbor returned your sex toy he mistakenly got in the mail and asked you out to coffee sometime. You check the unit number he listed—motherfucker. He’s the one that shares a wall with your bedroom. He’s probably heard more than he hasn’t. You sure fucking have.
You let out a low groan. Eyes flick to Miguel. It’s not like that particular bad idea is going anywhere, and you’re basically the ruler of Definitely Healthy Coping Mechanisms anyway, so maybe—
“That was nice of him. Is he actually worth your time, though?”
The sentences are so weird coming from his mouth that a little jolt of laughter bubbles out of you. “Why are you being so weird? That was almost nice. You’re supposed to be all, tough love and everyone thinks you’re mad even when you’re being nice.”
He blinks. Stares at you a moment. “You just had a complete breakdown.”
“Yes, thank you for reminding me.” You’re doing a tremendous job at ignoring that fact, thank you very much. “…Thanks for the consideration, though. And probably not. He’s like, not unattractive, I guess, but, you know. Can’t shake the feeling that he’s only asking me out because he shares a wall with my bedroom.”
Miguel arches a brow.
Oh, fuck. That’s sexual connotations. I mean, sexual meaning, too, but come the fuck on. You’ve got to be more restrained than that. What were those two weeks of training for?
“…right. Anything good?” He gives the package a little shake, and you remember how fucking precarious your situation is in this moment.
Another web snatches the envelope from him. He seems nearly amused by your reaction, based on vibes. Deadpan as always, but if you’re not mistaken, there’s a slight spark in his eyes. “What could you possibly have ordered?”
“Nothing.”
“Given that you just snatched it out of my hands…”
“Nothing,” you repeat. It’s meant to be emphatic, but you just sound whiny. You blame the post-cry snottiness.
He sits directly across from you. “No, open it. You don’t have to wait for me to leave if you’re that excited for it.”
“I’m good.” Your voice pitches high. “Really. Thanks for all your help today. You can go.”
He stares. You begin to sweat.
“Look. I was really hoping you’d figure discipline out on your own with all that time I gave you, but I guess not.”
“If… if you wanted me to be doing something specific with the past boring-as-shit week, why didn’t you tell me what it was?”
He sighs. “If you think two weeks of edging yourself without aftercare is discipline, then I guess I have to be the one to teach you.”
…oh.
Huh.
Fuck.
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Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @roxannarichie @vegas-writing-den @cooch1ecruncher @bluepeanutharmony @instanttragedyfire @yohoe-hoe @ambientcryptidsounds
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As always, thanks for reading! <3
82 notes · View notes
savindeku · 3 months ago
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as a long time bnha fan, had to drop some thoughts i’ve been having about the manga ending! i’ve held this series near and dear to my heart, through the moments when i felt it was great story telling and when i felt so much was missing, or didn’t quite hit the mark. so i definitely don’t think bnha (or hori) is above critique, i love to yap about this series ((:
MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE ENTIRE SERIES BUT OF COURSE PARTICULARLY FOR CHAP 430
to me, there’s three main parts to the ending that i felt make sense:
izuku giving up OFA
izuku becoming a teacher
izuku still having the chance to be a true quirkless hero
going into depth on each of these, while i love the inclusion of these three pieces, i can understand why the actual execution didn’t land with folks. even i have my qualms! okay let’s get into it! ps. this is really me just yapping away from the heart so bare with it 🫰🏽
1) izuku giving up OFA:
I think this one should not come as too much of a surprise, given that the reveal of OFA essentially being the cause of the early demises of the previous holders sort of insinuated an uncontrollable aspect to the power. even though izuku has an advantage as someone who was quirkless, it still creates a sense of foreshadowing that this is a gift that might have an expiration date. of course, a part of me would have loved for him not to have given it up but there’s enough build up there that it doesn’t feel out of left field. in addition to the running theme in the series being that anyone can be a hero/a quirk doesn’t make a hero, there’s certainly some symbolism in izuku now affectively being without, making him a quirkless hero - what he had dreamed of since the first chapter.
2) izuku becoming a teacher:
personally, i really love this for him! as a consumer of many a fanfic, i have grown obsessed with this job alternative for him, since it allows him to continue to work in the hero field, he can inspire the next generation to save to win (that as long as you willing to extend that helping hand, that’s what being a real hero is), his analytic mind is doing important work, and can use his own experience to help others learn! “deku sensei” makes my heart so happy and if anything, i would’ve loved an extra chapter just to see him as a teacher. one thing ill add here is, i can understand some disappointment with this or frustration at hori because to some, it may seem izuku ended up becoming complacent and didn’t at least try to continue to pursue his dream of being a hero after the war. not sure where i fall on this, but food for thought.
3) izuku still having the chance to be a true quirkless hero (sorry this is gonna be long lol):
now to really get into the big reveal for this final chapter - a tech suit designed just for izuku (at the main request of a one katsuki bakugou, which yeah i Will Be Totally Normal About) so he can still be on the field as a pro-hero!! okay i also loved this, i won’t deny it as much as im on the deku sensei train! bnha is a series that is never going to please everyone and its ripe with many issues throughout but i do think this was a beautiful way to wrap it up. once again, from chapter 1, we are met with izuku who wants nothing more to be a hero despite being quirkless. i never really liked the argument of “well why didn’t he try harder or train up” when the series explains to us over and over again that this is a society that values quirks above all else. its a literal systemic issue (hitting close to home but i digress), where izuku would NEVER have been accepted as a quirkless hero no matter how hard he worked because it simply isn’t designed to allow that (also where the fuck would he have gotten the resources for that is beyond me lmao).
to me, this part was actually very important for bringing the story to a full circle in which we actually (somewhat, but arguable not completely) address the core issue and theme “people are not born equal”. instead of perpetuating a “pull yourself up by your boot straps” mindset, hori tells a story where we acknowledge the system and how it is working as intended - and that’s the very reason it needed dismantling. of course, i think along the way, we maybe lost the plot at times (thinking about how we didn’t fully address izuku’s martyrdom mindset, children get sent off to war multiple times, most of the villains being k*lled off rather than being saved as izuku wanted) but there’s much evidence of this. knowing that there was still the spirit of a hero in izuku - which is MADE SO CLEAR HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HAVING A QUIRK - and he now has the chance to continue onward, quirkless. i mean c’mon, it’s really something (to me at least).
bonus note time
here’s a sprinkle of random lingering thoughts. one critique i saw was that it felt strange for izuku to accept he couldn’t be a pro-hero until his friends (ehm mainly Katsuki teehee) gifted him the suit. as if he really just gave up and this sort of hurts any character development for izuku. while i see the thought process here and would’ve also welcomed izuku getting the suit designed himself, it doesn’t upset me quite as much that this is how it actually played out. it’s definitely conflicting feelings for me because ultimately i would’ve loved for izuku to have had an arc where it was more explicitly stated that he overcame his overly sacrificial tendencies - or that the story spent time sitting with the trauma inflicted on the children fighting a war. but here is where bnha slacks off (imo) - we don’t get that breath to explore or analyze or genuinely know izuku’s thoughts or feelings on the matter (beyond that he’s sad that shigaraki died, enjoys being a teacher, and can admit that he misses his quirk). so in this way, it makes sense why hori chose this path. it’s more about his friends extending their hand to him, an offering of never leaving anyone behind who is a hero, quirk or not. i think of it as something more symbolic than it having to say anything about izuku’s character. i think for that to be addressed, there’s so many things further back we would need to unravel too lol
lastly - bnha is also a story about disabilities!! there’s been a decent amount of analysis on this so i won’t say much but i think this is also good to keep in mind. it helps for understanding the metaphor in place - quirks can be disabling and rather than creating a world that is accessible to all, the world requires that you figure it out instead. “people are not born equal” what if we dared to dream of a world that understood “we each take shape differently…” so that we might want to care for one another. so we can build something that makes the space for all of us to be able to live and thrive.
okay so that’s what i’m feeling now! like i said, i really love bnha and i simply can’t bring myself to say i hated the ending or anything. it’s a series that will always have a special place in my heart! there’s are just thoughts rattling in my brain and how ive interpreted things as someone whose read the manga the last 5 years! it’s crazy to look back and remember key moments that shook the fandom to its core. anyway, if you read all of this, thanks!! :D
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we-were-so-beautiful · 10 months ago
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4. shower
wow look it's another chapter!!! like... not that long after the last one, even! honestly I had the first 3 sections of this basically entirely written not long after finishing the last one, but eventually I decided I should probably do literally anything else for a while (hyperfocus is a real dick lol), and so I'm just now getting back to it. I thought this was gonna be on the shorter side, but it's about the same as the last one, around 1.3k! there's a pretty important reveal in this one...
Content warnings for this chapter: box boy universe, pet whump, dehumanization, conditioning, infected wounds, (severe) illness. As always, please let me know if there's anything else I need to tag.
[masterlist] [chapter three]
Vanessa’s never been particularly sensitive to scents—it’s a saving grace, in a mind where too much light or sound or texture can make her feel like she’s dying. But by the time the guy lying shaking on the seats behind her practically falls out of the taxi in front of her stoop, even she’s having a hard time with the smell coming off of him. Given how the driver peels away with all his windows down the second she pulls the last scrap of soiled newspaper from his backseat, it probably isn’t just her.
She turns back to the guy, for the first time finally alone with him. She’s too short to be used to talking down to people, but he’s hunched himself into that weird curled-up position again, so when she speaks it's aimed vaguely toward the top of his head. “Okay. First things first, we’re getting your ass in the shower,” she tells him. “And then we can deal with the effects of my questionable life decisions.” She pauses for a moment, considers. “Well. This one, anyway.”
There’s no way she’s getting him in through the front like this. Too many stairs, and too much dirt. The garden door will have to cut it. She motions for him to follow her down the alley, and he unfurls himself just enough to shuffle after her.
As soon as the shadows close in around them, she looks back over her shoulder. When she’s satisfied that no one can see them, she unclasps the collar from around his neck and tosses it, leash and all, into the garbage.
Vanessa can’t say she’s ever been grateful for the fact that her parents are insane enough to have a swimming pool in the basement of their New York fucking brownstone. Quite frankly, she still isn’t; they got the fucker installed when she was a kid and she screamed for so many days they finally packed her off to a hotel with her nanny of the week just to shut her up. Which they probably should have done in the first place, given that she was nine and there was a jackhammer in her fucking basement.
What she is grateful for now, though, is that the part of this floor that isn’t taken up by the pool—or the hot tub, or the weirdly redundant multi-person bathtub—is a shower stall the size of her literal bedroom. Complete with benches, and removable showerheads, and, she’s hoping, everything else she could possibly need right now.
“In here,” she motions, and he drags himself onto the tiles. “I’d offer you the weirdly redundant multi-person bathtub, but you’ve barely been able to keep your head up all day and the last thing I need is to fucking drown a guy in my basement. Also no offense but you’re literally so dirty right now I’d have to drain the fucker the second you got in. After this you can have a bath whenever you want, if you’re into that sorta thing, but for right now you’re getting a damn rinse.”
Once he’s more or less situated on the built-in shower bench, propped up in the corner in hopes it’ll keep him from falling ass over, Vanessa gets to work, still fully clothed down to her chucks on the marble tile. She unhooks a showerhead and aims it at the drain while it warms up. “Is this okay?” she asks, pointing it at his feet, and he flinches sluggishly but doesn’t respond either way.
“I don’t know what that means, guy.” She tests the water again with her hand. “It can’t be that bad, can it?” she muses out loud. “It’s the same temperature I’d use for me, and fuck knows I’m… y’know, picky. So if you want it different you gotta tell me, okay.”
He doesn’t tell her shit. But he doesn’t flinch too much harder when she moves the stream of water up toward his knees, either, and she figures that’s the best she’s gonna get.
She leans over him and focuses the showerhead on his hair. It’s matted stiff as tree bark, the water barely able to permeate through the layers of filth. “Shit, I dunno man, your hair’s got so much crap in it. Not to mention it wouldn’t surprise me if that shelter gave you goddamn lice.” She shudders. “Might be better off just cutting it short.”
There’s a noise she barely registers as a gasp before his ice-pale eyes fly open and he clutches her arm, quicker than she’s seen him move by fucking light years. She jerks automatically out of his grip, dropping the showerhead in her alarm, but he fixes her with a lidless, panicky stare and the eye contact is so startling she’s frozen to the spot. “Please…” he wheezes, “don’t.”
“You fuckin’ what, dude?”
“Don’t… cut… my hair.”
She blinks, astonished. “That’s the first thing you’ve said all fucking day, isn’t it?” He doesn’t offer another. “Christ. Typical fuckin’ me not to notice.” She huffs quietly. “Well shit, dude, I guess if you give enough of a fuck to speak up about it it can stay. But so help me if I find a single fucking nit in there.”
He whimpers quietly, squeezing his eyes shut, but he doesn’t say another word.
Vanessa gingerly retrieves the showerhead from where it’s spattering up at the ceiling, along with an oversized lace bath pouf and a mostly-full bottle of body wash she’s pretty sure is fucking designer. If you could see me now, Mom, she thinks, squirting the gel at his left shoulder, the one closest to her. You… well, you probably still wouldn’t give a shit. 
She touches the pouf to his sullied skin as gently as she can, and she knows she’s not well-coordinated at the best of times but she really doesn’t feel like she deserves the choked-off sound he makes or the way he shrinks away from her when she makes contact. “Oh cmon, guy, look I know but you gotta let me get this shit off you, there’s no way it’s not fucking your shit up worse than it already is,” she cajoles, and whatever she’s said it makes something in his posture go slack and he rolls back toward her, opening himself to her touch. “Thanks, uh, I think,” she hedges, and begins to lather him up with slow, concentrative strokes. She flicks the shower back on, sluicing suds and dirt from his skin in equal measure.
"Ohhh, fucking yiiiiikes," Vanessa says softly.
With the first layer of filth washed away, Vanessa can see the far grimmer reality that’s been hidden underneath. Rows of jagged, infected gashes streak their way across his shoulder to his chest. The skin around them burns an angry red, the wounds themselves all but smothered in sickly whitish-yellow. What narrow swathes of skin remain intact are mottled purple, and now that she’s touching him, she can tell he’s just… way too much hotter than any person should ever be.
She lowers the temperature of the water and keeps washing him, afraid to look but needing to see. Each stroke only reveals more of the same. His chest and left shoulder seem to have gotten most of the worst of it, but there are stripes across his arm, his back, his stomach, deep gouges in his legs. She hasn’t tried to touch his face yet, but now that she knows what to look for she thinks she can even see a scratch or several across his cheek, trailing up into his hairline. Jesus fuck.
It all makes a sinister sort of sense now, she thinks: the shallow breathing, the shivers, the near-total lack of response. And here she thought he just had regular rescuee trauma.
“Fuck,” she breathes out quietly, as the realization creeps over her like ice.
There’s something really, really wrong with this guy.
-
taglist: @maracujatangerine @pigeonwhumps @tragedyinblue @marchtothefuckingsea @octopus-reactivated @briars7
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fruitybashir · 7 months ago
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Has Bojan ever told Kris "I love you" in Serbian and he didn't realize? (we see Bojan mutters a lot of Serbian, but we don't know what)
oh interesting!!! lets go there
so this is funny bc originally, a big part of bojan's ch16 crisis wouldve been that he accidentally said "i love you/volim te" to kris when they had sex in ch15, then realising that the next morning and freaking out about it. i switched it up mostly for two reasons:
a) the "shit we took it too far" moment ended up being having unprotected sex which, again, i hadnt originally planned lol it just sorta happened. and i like it better that way bc in their context, that is very much an admission and an act of love, without either of them explicitly saying it. and it gives bojan a (very flimsy excuse of an) exit route from his crisis where he tells himself that as long as neither of them has said it out loud, they can still just go back.
and b) i dont know about actual kris, but holidate kris doesnt exactly speak or understand serbian fluently, but he does recognize a few words here and there. like curse words bojan regularly uses mostly but also. stuff you just pick up when you live in the area of another language if that makes sense? like how im from germany but ill recognize a few words and sentences here and there from polish, dutch, french, etc just bc. its stuff you kinda pick up from proximity and having music with different languages in the charts.
and a "volim te" would have definitely been recognisable to kris, its not something he wouldve overheard or not have understood. and that would just have changed his whole perspective in ch16 bc bojan would have told kris he loves him only to then fuck off and say hey lets just be friends. it would have been a very different crisis on his part then, knowing bojan loves him but for some reason doesnt want him vs actual ch16 wondering where he'd gone wrong, thinking bojan had figured out kris had feelings for him but not feeling the same and that pushed him away etc etc
so uhh. what was the question again? oh yeah.
bojan speaking serbian. this is one of those "idk man i just write the guy" instances kinda, i dont have any exact words or sentences in mind?
had to go back and check where bojan speaks serbian actually
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exhibit nr.1: just various curses for sure
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exhibit nr.2: ummm probably also just like fuck me but in serbian? maybe smthn like "need you in me" etc like maybe just something filthy and desperate lmao
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exhibit nr.3: a lot of sweet talking mostly, telling kris how amazing he feels, in him and under him, how he loves being so close to him, how good he makes bojan feels ummmm idk i cant come up with anything deep or poetic rn but basically just a loooot a lot of sweet talk and praise and basically saying how much he loves kris without actually saying the words for it. does that make sense?
but with all things that are left vague: its up for interpretation if you have something else in mind. bojan could be reciting the manual to his microwave for all i know.
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zannolin · 1 month ago
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fic author q&a
tagged by @beautyofsorrow <3
why do you write fanfic?
short answer, because i love it and it makes me happy. longer answer, still that. but it makes other people happy too, sometimes, and especially as i am often writing for nicher series/pairings/dynamics/etc, i love knowing that someday if anyone else likes this obscure silly thing, they can go looking for fic about it and mine will be there waiting for them. also i am immensely unhappy when i'm not writing. i don't think i could live without it. and writing fanfic is fulfilling to me in a way that original work often is not, largely because of the community aspect and the low pressure for it to be marketable or revised or support me as a person or an artist tbh.
which of your posted stories do you think of the most even though the story is "finished"?
mmm tough call. the fey au in the sense that it's the world and plot i am proudest of craft-wise. i worked really hard and i think you can see that it paid off. but other than that i think... i think it might have to be please don't hold me to it right now. because i did it just how i wanted. in a way it's like what my boys in bars series was trying to be but didn't quite reach on the friendship level i think.
if you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?
just let yourself write what you want, how you want. you can have flowery prose. you can be weird and vague and metaphorical. you can just write about friends, i promise. and stop looking at your fucking stats.
what's your relationship to fic stats?
well. i think above answers that one lol. i've blocked my ao3 stats. i cannot see hit or kudos or bookmark counts on ANY fics. + i've gotten much better about not expecting anything especially by writing highly niche stuff.
is there a pairing or scenario or friendship that you miss writing? if so, why? if not, why not?
ehhh. the shazamily, to an extent. the shazam fandom is lovely because so many of us are writing family/friendship centric works and that's if not the norm, at least MUCH more common than in other fandoms that i've been in, and i miss that because at heart, i'm a genficcer. i'm a friendshipper. i love platonic and ambiguous relationships so much. so i miss that, but for the most part, i'm actually okay with not writing anything i used to write. that's okay.
what motivates you to write?
i WILL lose my mind if i don't. i can't even elaborate past that like i'll just go bonkers.
why do you write for the fandom(s) you write for?
because i am sick and ill and dying from brainrot and nobody is writing the highly specific content that i crave in the way that i crave it. sometimes there's nothing for the fandom at all, and SOMEBODY's gotta be the change. mostly i'm just like hyperfixated and losing it.
if you're stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?
take a break. do other things like jigsaw puzzles and taking walks and reading books. listening to phoebe bridgers on my floor. the usual. it'll pass. the ideas will come when they're ready.
what do you wish people knew about comments?
a genuine comment is never a bother. NEVER. no author that i have ever met is going to be upset at you for commenting on a fic and saying hey i really loved this!!! or something like that. no matter how old that fic is. no matter if the author has moved on, or put it on anon, or hasn't written fanfiction in years. it is never, ever a bother. when i get a comment on a fic that i didn't JUST post, i rejoice. i lie on my floor and i think about how incredible it is that people are still finding, reading, and loving something that i wrote, no matter how bad i think it is now that i've grown into a different person. i have coasted for WEEKS on the fact that someone left me a comment saying i loved this and here's my favorite part. here's why. this made me cry. this made me smile. this reminded me of my best friend. this is how it feels, really, you got it. any of that. all of it. sometimes a fic is me going "is this crazy??" and a comment is someone saying "no, no, it's not, i see it". a comment that takes like two minutes to type can matter for two years just by being like, hey, this mattered to me. plus like 90% of my friendships online have been founded on the basis of commenting on fanfic so you know, rave reviews from me.
maybe there's a question you wish had been on here. what's that question (and answer)? -> is there a fic and/or author who is doing what you want to be doing with your own writing? who/what?
i can yap all day about inspirations but lately, i am haunted by love me on purpose by smoosnoom in terms of themes, emotions, and pure aching; @thcscus in sheer technicality and prose; the pacing, metaphor, and tone in there's daggers in men's smiles, @beautyofsorrow's sensory work in literally Every fic ever + her fic for the barbie zine none of you losers get to read yet; and @blusandbirds' ability to capture visceral emotion so damn vividly and succinctly.
tagging @blusandbirds @transjlawrence @lordgrimwing @pinkgrapefloyd!
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underratedandoverit · 11 months ago
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You Wanna Wish Away Your Sins (3/3)
After losing to Best Friends at Arcade Anarchy, Kip undergoes shoulder surgery. One person reaching out to him afterwards sends Kip spiraling, turning all the pain and suffering in him into… Flowers? Flowers growing in his lungs?
Kip Sabian/Chuck Taylor. Hanahaki disease. Angst. Hurt/comfort. Emotional hurt/comfort. One-sided attraction. Also tagged this from now on with manipulative Kip.
Marked Mature on AO3 for general content. Warnings for mentions of hospitals, surgery, medical stuff. Described feelings for choking and vomiting.
Other characters on-screen include Penelope Ford, Orange Cassidy. Rest of Best Friends are mentioned. Background ship of Penelope/Kris is heavily implied, but never specifically shown.
part 1 || part 2
On AO3
Finishing this took way longer than I intended. Oops. Mental illness and whatever be damned yada yada. But it's over now. And I am content. It's a whole fic and ended just as I wanted and had planned, surprisingly no surprises during writing lol. I hope it makes sense, there's a little bit there that doesn't get explained, but I have convinced myself that people can put the pieces together considering the mental state Kip is in and how the hanahaki disease works so. Yeah.
If you have read this far, thank you so much, I really appreciate you and your patience if you have waited for this to finish since I originally posted in early September. I see all the kudos and subs attached, they mean the world to me. Would love to hear your thoughts of this now that it's over, as there was a lot of time (obviously lol) and love put into this, so it would mean a lot ;; But I appreciate you all so much either way, thank you for sticking by and reading!! 💜💜
@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate @ss-trashboat
----------------------
Kip tried to keep his eyes on the television, but he wasn’t registering anything he saw on the screen. Even if he was technically interested in watching the game that was being played, Kip would have much rather been looking at something else. Or someone else. That someone being the man sitting on the couch next to him, being much more into the activity of playing a video game that he was partaking in that Kip was.
While he was glad that Chuck was coming over far more often these days, at the same time it did grind Kip’s mind that they had fallen into this false routine of a casual friendship. Chuck would appear on his doorstep, bring a movie or a game with him for them to busy themselves with that day, maybe some snacks and energy drinks, and the rest of the day they would just hang out, consume the media of the day, and that would be it.
Same talking points every single day. Sitting in the silently designated spots on the couch just far enough from one another that even by accident their hands wouldn’t brush against each other unless they were passing the food and drinks around. Eye contact was brief, almost uncomfortably so if it managed to exist in the first place, and only when one got up from the couch and asked if the other needed something or something similarly surprising happened. Maybe a laugh could gather a quick glance, maybe a sneeze, a cough. And even then it was more often Chuck doing that to Kip, while Kip was trying to steal looks into his direction any chance he could, hoping Chuck would catch a hint.
It had been days, weeks even, maybe. How many, Kip had lost a count somewhere after the first few days, partially because of the pain he was going through, partially because he still found the whole situation so absurd. But the thing he knew for sure, was that it had been too many for comfort.
Every time Kip watched Chuck walk out the door of his house again at the end of the day, his breathing became a little bit tighter, the stabbing pain in his chest more prominent, the sleep during that following night a little shorter.
He was so tired of it all, and with every day that passed him by, it was pushing Kip closer to the realization that he finally had to do something about things. Before the pain was too paralyzing, before the thoughts became too much. Before he just couldn’t do anything about it anymore, before it was all too late.
“…Hey? Kip?”
The Brit blinked blankly a few times, finally registering the voice calling out to him after the words had been repeated a few times. His eyes slowly dragged away from the television screen, facing the brunet sitting on the couch next to him, Chuck looking at him with worry and concern. It was almost adorable to Kip how his brows furrowed and eyes darted around his facial features in clear worry. Almost.
“Sorry, what were you saying?”
Chuck sighed, Kip trying to offer him an apologetic smile as he watched Chuck running a hand through his hair, eyes turning away from the other man again as he shook his head a little. Kip had been too deep in his own head, with his own thoughts to notice Chuck had even tried to talk to him, the guilt almost immediately gnawing on him at the mere thought. He was supposed to try to pay attention to him, to try to make Chuck realize the situation, how close they were, to understand his feelings, to close the gap, to --
“I just wanted to know if you were hungry. We could order something in, maybe. If you’d like.”
For once Kip was thankful that Chuck wasn’t looking straight at him, his cheeks flushing red for a brief moment as he registered the words. Ordering food? Together? At his place, like this, out of the blue? For the first time?
It almost sounded like a date night proposal in Kip’s ears.
He quickly shook the thought from his head, turning away from Chuck to make sure he didn’t even by accident catch a glimpse of the blush decorating his face, desperately trying to not have the words caught in his throat, only partially succeeding.
“Ye-yeah that would be great.”
Chuck was so sincere about this question, just like he always was about everything, he was probably just hungry himself, and Kip was overthinking it all. Once again. But also, what if…
“Great. What would you like to eat?” Chuck’s words cut Kip’s thought process off again, his eyes slowly returning to the other man, watching Chuck pull his phone out of his pocket, eyes landing onto it, seemingly to avoid eye contact with Kip, who just shrugged a little. “I don’t know. Whatever sounds good.”
Chuck’s brows furrowed, suddenly looking back at Kip, making the Brit jump a little. This wasn’t the kind of reaction Kip had expected to his words, swallowing a little surprise lump in his throat as all of a sudden he was very unsure again where this was going. He hated nothing more than the unpredictable nature of their relationship, not being able to read Chuck at moments like this, mostly due to his own emotions and thoughts clouding his judgment and understanding of what the situation called for from him.
“…Okay, I’m going to be fully honest with you.”
The suddenly rather serious tone of Chuck’s voice made Kip’s eyes widen a little, he could feel his whole body tensing up at the sudden shift. Chuck offered him a small smile, most likely in hopes of trying to calm down Kip’s very obviously surprised demeanor, but seeing that smile just made Kip’s whole mind skip another beat instead.
“I’ve been worried about you recently. I actually talked with Penelope yesterday after I left, and she feels much the same way as I do.”
Chuck? Worried? About him? Chuck? Kip’s head was spinning, but he just nodded his head, not even acknowledging the fact that Chuck was also talking about Penelope being involved in this. All Kip cared about was that Chuck was thinking about him, outside of this room, outside of this couch, when he wasn’t around.
Chuck was thinking, and talking, about him.
“You’ve been… Seemingly getting worse each day I see you. You lack sleep, you lack food, you lack energy. I understand you are in a lot of pain with the shoulder and all, but you need to take care of yourself, Kip. Mine and Penelope’s help will only get you so far.”
Kip just looked at him quietly, trying to process the statement in his head, but all his thoughts retracted back to the overall realization that Chuck was worried about him. Thinking about him. That Chuck at least seemed to care more than he led on directly to him, at least before this very moment at hand.
“If there’s something wrong that you need help with, other than what we have been providing so far, you shouldn’t be afraid to ask, you know?”
Kip felt his head nodding itself, despite not approving of the movement in his mind. He was running on a practiced autopilot, still afraid that one casual movement might fuck all this up for him, not being the kind of response that Chuck wanted. This seemed to be enough for the brunet for now though as Chuck nodded back at him, eyes slowly returning to the phone in his hand. Right, he was ordering food. Right.
“So, again: what do you want to eat today? You can get anything you want, as long as it makes you eat. We just want to make sure you take care of yourself.”
At the same time it was endearing that Chuck was doing this for him, but Kip also knew he had to put a stop to this, all of it. While yes his current and constantly worsening condition was making him neglect his own basic needs, both which directly as a result affected his appetite and energy levels, Kip knew that trying to eat some proper food one day wasn’t the answer to his problems. Above all else, his condition was making it not only difficult to breathe, but the pain in his chest and particularly in his lungs made eating at this point a near impossible task.
As the silence from the Brit continued, Chuck glanced towards him, spotting Kip just looking back at him. Whether he was deep in thought or just staring, Chuck wasn’t quite sure.
“Kip?”
“I’m not hungry.”
At least it wasn’t a lie in a sense. Chuck raised a brow at him, slowly lowering the hand holding his phone onto his lap, eyes narrowing a little. Chuck’s eyes lingered on him just a little bit too long, forcing Kip to look away, back towards the television with the frozen game pause screen on it.
“You need to eat something.”
“Food can’t fix this.”
Kip could feel the confusion radiating from Chuck’s face, probably his entire being at this point, but he just couldn’t look back at him. It was so much easier for Kip to process his thoughts if he wasn’t looking at what he was sure was a very worried expression on the brunet sitting on the couch a few feet away from him.
He heard Chuck sigh. Not a very good sign.
“If you eat something, you get energy. You feel better. I shouldn’t need to explain all this to you. Kip, please --”
“This isn’t about food.”
Chuck fell silent as Kip cut him off, probably a bit more aggressively than necessary, but he was tired of this. All of this. Both his inability to do anything about the situation even though he desperately, so very desperately needed it, and the way they both seemed to just dance around the topic and the issues at hand. To Kip, Chuck offering to order him food was nothing but a detour that he couldn’t afford to wait to take to where he eventually needed to be. Kip had suffered long enough, mostly due to his own faults, yes, but Chuck jumping in to push his buttons like this, while a step in the right direction, wasn’t a fast enough track to where they needed to be.
Where Kip needed to be if he wanted to make it through all of this, it seemed like.
“…Are you mad at me?”
Kip’s eyes narrowed a little, but he still didn’t turn to look towards Chuck. All he heard was another quiet sigh.
“I don’t know how many times I can apologize for what happened. You know it was an accident. I’m sorry --”
“I don’t want you to apologize. I don’t care about that.”
If something, it was supposed to be Kip who apologized for everything, and he knew that painfully well.
“Then what is it?”
Kip swallowed thickly, being absolutely certain that Chuck could not only see it but also hear him do it. Kip’s eyes slowly dragged back to him, watching the confusion all over the brunet’s face. If the situation wasn’t so dire and heavy, Kip would have found the look on him endearing. Right now though, seeing Chuck not put the pieces together so easily, filled him with dread instead, along with the knowledge that Kip knew exactly what he needed to do next and the can of worms that he needed to open if he ever wanted to have a shot at things getting better again.
“I need…” Kip stopped, the confusion on Chuck’s face slowly melting into a more expecting look. Both of them were still clearly hesitant, Chuck not knowing what to expect out of him and Kip not being so sure how he was going to phrase this so it made even some sort of sense.
Just say it.
“I… I need you to kiss me.”
The silence that fell into the room felt like it was knocking all the remaining air out of Kip. The longer he looked at Chuck and the unreadable look lingering on his face after the words slipped out of Kip’s mouth, the worse he felt about everything. For once he was being honest about this entire situation and what he wanted out of it, and yet it felt like a worse mistake than anything he had lied to Chuck about so far.
He wanted this. He needed this. This was the trigger Kip had been so afraid to pull for so long now, but he knew that if he didn’t finally say those words, no matter the reaction, it would have terrible consequences for him. He was already suffering, the roots of his problem crawling deeper into his lungs every single day he put it off without even trying to make anything out of it. Kip was tired of it, he was suffering immensely because of it, he just needed to do something. Anything.
After what felt like forever of Chuck just staring at him, Kip was snapped out of his thoughts as Chuck took in a sharp breath, the only way Kip was able to describe his expression being polite confusion.
“You, uh… You what?”
Not sure if Chuck was just making sure or if he really hadn’t understood the statement, Kip bit his lower lip as he turned away from the other man. He inhaled slowly, preparing himself to say those words again. Kip did it once, he could do it again. It was a necessary step forward.
“I-I need. To kiss you. You to kiss me. So-something like that.”
As Chuck didn’t reply for a while, Kip stole a quick glance towards him, trying to gather an overview of the situation. Much to his surprise, Chuck looked like he was in deep thought for a second, as if he was pondering over the request. At least he wasn’t outright denying it from Kip, which in turn as he realized it, made his heart jump back into his throat.
The burning as Kip nervously waited for an answer was worse than the thorns poking inside of his lungs at the moment.
“Would that help? Make you feel better?”
Kip nodded almost instantly, the motion almost frantic, something he couldn’t control. Still clearly in his thoughts, Chuck nodded as well.
“I mean,” he muttered, a hand slowly reaching closer to Kip, the Brit’s focus turning on it with slightly widening eyes, “If… If it helps. I guess.”
Kip watched his hand stopping to hover close to him, slowly his own hand reaching for it. He could feel Chuck’s fingers gently wrapping around his hand, giving it a little tuck, an invitation to come closer. Kip followed suit, shifting over on the couch to slowly make his way to sit down right next to Chuck. For the first time since they had started doing this, for the first time since Chuck had started to spend the days over to keep him company. There had always been a cold, untouched gap between the two of them on the couch, but this was the first time it had been broken, filled, fixed.
And all it took was a small request that Kip should have been able to do in the first place, but it took him weeks and actual concern from Chuck to get to this point.
But there he was now, Chuck still gently holding his hand, running this thumb over his knuckles. A soft, still kind of unsure smile crossing his lips as he was looking Kip straight in the eyes. Chuck clearly wasn’t budging back on this, honestly much to Kip’s surprise, as his free hand slowly crept up to the Brit’s face, palm pressing against his cheek. Chuck’s hand was surprisingly cold against his flushed skin.
“…You sure?”
It was almost as if Chuck was asking that from himself more than Kip, but he pushed the thought aside, just nodding his head again. Without another word, Chuck leaned closer, finally closing the gap that had been antagonizing Kip these past few weeks without remorse, locking their lips together.
The kiss was awkward and hesitant at first, but slowly it felt more natural as they both seemed to relax into it. Soft and homey, but Kip could taste his own desperation in it despite all of it. He knew how badly he not only wanted, but needed this. While he could have joked that it was the matter of life and death, to him it was actually no joke, but merely the cruel reality he barely understood himself at all. Feeling Chuck’s lips finally against his, after the excruciatingly long amount of time of craving and needing nothing more than to taste him so desperately he was suffering from the withdrawals more and more every day, Kip’s mind went blank. He could feel Chuck close, hear his breathing, slowly allowing himself to enjoy it, running a thumb over Kip’s cheek.
Kip had been waiting for this moment for so long, craving for this so badly, that he needed more now that he finally had it, pushing the boundaries first as he found himself without a single coherent thought giving a small bite on Chuck’s lower lip, a silent, desperate request for a deeper kiss. A deeper meaning.
A request that was granted to him, but was also almost immediately and far too fast ripped away from him as Chuck suddenly jolted away, as if he had suddenly in the midst of all of this realized what he was doing and thought better of it.
Eyes opening as Kip felt the hand disappear from his face, he leaned slightly back, watching in emotions swimming in disappointment and confusion as Chuck’s eyes were suddenly on his phone again, the piece of tech buzzing on his lap, suddenly demanding his attention. Almost as if it was mocking Kip and how close he had finally gotten.
“So-sorry, I have to take this.”
Kip just nodded, feeling the body heat of the other man disappearing from around him as Chuck’s hand left his, grabbing a hold of the phone before he stood up, answering the sudden call. He could still salvage this, it wasn’t all lost. Chuck hadn’t denied him this, by the way he was acting it was obvious to Kip that this wasn’t just all in his head. Maybe the kiss had been brief, but there was compassion behind it, he was very gentle about it, there --
“What do you mean that was today?”
Kip’s eyes slowly traveled up to Chuck, watching the brunet run a hand over his face as he sighed. “Yeah I know, I know you need me there for that, just… I was kinda in the middle of something…”
The silence that followed that statement and the way Chuck couldn’t look back at Kip made a familiar lump climb its way back in his throat. Kip tried to cough it out quietly, not to attract attention to himself, just watching as Chuck stepped a little bit further away from him.
“I can be there in twenty minutes, I guess. …Alright, I’ll see you then.”
As he hung up the call, Chuck didn’t even need to say anything. He was sure Kip had heard most of it, and the apologetic eyes and the small smile he offered to him as he finally turned back towards the Brit really didn’t help the case.
“Sorry, I completely forgot we had a photoshoot to do today, I… I gotta go.”
Kip nodded his head, but remained silent as he stood up from the couch. At least this was a start, they were going somewhere. He had put at least part of his desires out there, for Chuck to reach out and react to, if nothing else. This was a beginning, hopefully for the better. Kip wasn’t sure how fast he was supposed to be feeling the effects of his love and affections being returned to him, but so far he was blaming the sick feeling in his throat on the sudden change of pace in the room rather than Chuck not returning his feelings like before.
Maybe he had read all of this wrong. Maybe the sickness had caught up with him just because he didn’t know this was mutual. That had to be it, right?
Kip walked him to the door, Chuck turning back to him again as he rested his hand on the door handle.
“Look, I’m really sorry I have to go, I just completely forgot about this. You know, with having to worry about you and all.”
Kip could feel a smile tucking the corner of his lips, allowing at least a part of it to show. As sad as he was having to watch Chuck walk away yet again without a resolution to this whole problem, at least there was hope. Chuck smiled back at him, leaning closer to press a quick little peck on Kip’s lips, catching the Brit off guard, leaving him looking back at him with wide eyes as Chuck opened the door, stepping outside.
“I’ll see you again tomorrow, alright?”
Kip could only nod before Chuck closed the door, leaving him standing there, heart racing and beating loudly between his ears. Kip leaned against the closed door, inhaling deeply before he sighed, the content smile on his lips only wiped away as he coughed softly, eyes shooting open to witness the handful of purple tinted rose petals he let out of his mouth.
No.
Chuck Taylor still didn’t love him.
----------------------------------------
“…Are you sure it’s him?”
Cassidy shrugged his shoulders a little. “I mean, who else could it be? Besides, he has photos of himself that he signs and hands out and a big board on the table with the name ‘Kip Sabian’ on it, so…”
Chuck sighed, running a hand over his face before rolling his eyes. “You could have led with that information, you know.”
Cassidy didn’t reply back to him, just observed the brunet on the couch through his sunglasses. “I thought you would have known. Aren’t you two friends or something?”
Chuck avoided looking directly back at him, trying to make it seem like the question didn’t sting. He hadn’t seen Kip since that day, he never opened the door when Chuck came over the following day or answered any of his calls or texts since. He had been living in complete darkness over what had actually happened with Kip, even Penelope refused to tell him anything apart from a general ‘he’s fine’ every time Chuck asked her something.
“I told you, that was months ago.”
Cassidy just nodded, stopping to observe Chuck as the other man just tried to focus back on lacing his boots. After a long, lingering silence the blond broke it as he spoke up again.
“Do you want to go see him?”
Chuck stopped, eyes slowly dragging up to Cassidy again. He seemed sincere in that question, and if Chuck was being honest, that had been the first thought in his mind since Cassidy had waltzed into the locker room with the news that Kip had been sighted inside the building. The premise seemed rather odd to him, but at the same time, he wouldn’t have put something like that past Kip. A silent man with a suit and a cardboard box on his head, doing a signing that hadn’t been advertised for anyone beforehand. Sounded like it was just down Kip’s alley, in some really weird way, to him.
“Is he still there?”
“Probably,” Cassidy shrugged again. “He seemed to be just setting up when we went into the cafeteria like twenty minutes ago. I doubt he has left yet.”
While he wasn’t quite sure how to take any of it, let alone how Kip was going to take it if he showed up, Chuck nodded a little, still a bit hesitant. Cassidy mirrored the movement, before nodding his head towards the locker room door, asking Chuck to follow him. Not that he didn’t know where the cafeteria was in the building, they had walked past it when they had entered earlier, but maybe his hesitance was on the surface enough that Cassidy thought taking the lead was going to make him regret this less. Make it easier for him.
Chuck followed Cassidy outside, tracking through the hallways for a moment before they arrived at their destination. It was extremely easy to spot the individual not belonging into the group of people in the big, bright, well-lit room, the man standing in the middle of it all by a large table messed up with multiple scattered photos around it, hands behind his suited back as he was observing the room through the eye holes poked on a box over his head.
Chuck swallowed thickly. It didn’t matter if he didn’t see his face, all that was enough for him to recognize him immediately, no matter how many months it had been since or how much things had changed between now and then.
He was so focused on reading the words on the front of the box that Chuck didn’t notice the eyes inside of it land on him. The distance made it a bit harder, sure, but the lights were bright enough and the dark circles surrounding the eyes made them pop for Cassidy to notice the stare at first, even if it wasn’t directed at him.
“Hey,” he muttered, carefully elbowing Chuck to the side to get his attention. “He sees you. I think you should at least go say hello.”
Blinking himself back to the situation, Chuck glanced at Cassidy on his side, the blond just shrugging at him a little. Maybe Chuck’s nervousness was obvious, maybe Cassidy quickly put two and two together from what Chuck had told him before about how their last meeting had ended, but he only sighed, once again leading the way towards the man in a suit and the box, Kip’s eyes never leaving Chuck as they approached. Chuck on the other hand tried to look at everything except him, until he was stopped to stand right in front of the other man he hadn’t seen in months until now.
Through the eye holes of the box Chuck could see his vacant stare just blankly staring back at him, saying it all without saying anything at the same time. Kip looked at him briefly, before providing a photo from the inside pocket of his suit jacket, pulling a marker seemingly out of nowhere along with it. He scribbled something quickly on the photo, handing it to Cassidy, and walked away without looking back or acknowledging either of them further.
Cassidy looked at the photo for a moment before handing it over to Chuck. It was an old promo picture of Kip, in his Superbad gear, with his face crossed over with a red marker and some messy text scribbled next to him.
‘Time changes us all. Embrace the change.’
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samthecookielord · 11 months ago
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CURRENT LAYTON STATUS: AL done! onto plvspw next. at some point.
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That's right, I'm dedicating a post to all the Layton content I've consumed and will consume. Wish me luck gamers. (I'll also add the status of my gameplay videos!) (And a list of layton AUs at the end)
Mainline Trilogies
(note: i call the games by which version i played (UK or US) but i tag by US titles)
(note 2: we only record towards the end of the game because my computer space will CRY and also i do not want to edit all that hope this helps)
PLAYTHROUGH PLAYLIST
CURIOUS VILLAGE: 100% completed
(not recorded)
DIABOLICAL BOX: 100% completed
Uploaded---
Chapter 7: (Part 1) - (Part 2) (fun fact: part 2 features the first instance of me using animated sprites for me and my friends!)
LOST FUTURE: 100% completed, all uploaded!
Uploaded---
Chapter 9: (Part 1) - (Part 2) - (Part 3) (fun fact: part 1 is the first time i use game sprites to give visuals to our improv bits, as well as generally being the start of me putting a lot more effort into editing and trying new stuff!)
Chapter 10
Chapter 11: (Part 1) - (Part 2)
Chapter 12
Chapter 13: (Part 1) - (Part 2) - (Part 3) Epilogue: (Part 1) (Part 2)
LAST SPECTRE: 100% completed
Uploaded---
Chapter 8: (Part 1) - (Part 2) - (Part 3) (fun fact: from this point on, our playthrough group has increased from 3 people to 4!)
Planned---
Chapter 9 -> 2 parts
Chapter 10 -> 2 parts
Epilogue -> just one
MIRACLE MASK: 100% completed
Planned---
Chapter 6 -> 6 parts left (HELP)
Chapter 7 -> 6 parts left Chapter 8 -> 1 part left Epilogue -> 2 parts left
AZRAN LEGACY: finished, not 100% yet
Planned---
Chapter 5 -> 6 parts left
Chapter 6 -> 5 parts left
Finale -> 3 parts left
Spinoffs & Extras
ETERNAL DIVA: Watched :]
Improv Fandub will come out soon. Probably
LB MYSTERY ROOM: completed
(not recorded)
PLVSAA: not started (will play after mainline)
will probably record? perchance?
MYSTERY JOURNEY: not started (will play after plvsaa)
The anime: not started (will watch after mystery journey)
Cheerful Mystery: i saw the lost future one lol ill go check out the rest later probably. I also read up to ch28 of the lbmr manga
Layton AUs
i have a lot of clive aus. here's a slideshow. here's their interaction tag
Puzzles Gone Wrong AU: (belongs to pastel-player) A take on "evil Layton" where we ask what if he wasn't evil evil, but morally dubious. Basically he's a dictator now but he hasn't really done much harm to the city of London. He's making some questionable decisions, but... he's still the polite gentleman Layton who cares about his loved ones. Said loved ones have many conflicting feelings about him. Takes place at least 1 year after main trilogy, unclear when exactly. (Ao3 series)
Pastel wasn't doing anything with Clive in this AU so I picked him up and ran off then came back with a whole new design and stuff. Anything I make with PGW Clive that doesn't involve Timeline Hopper Clive's shenanigans is proobably canon to the AU. Basically I'm the ceo of this one guy within this AU and nothing else <3
(PGW Clive's tag)
Layton Assassin AU: (belongs to snekatiemainy and thia-quiche) Layton but he kills people with swords. And also Luke beats people to death with shovels. And Flora also sword. Yayy!!! Initially inspired by our jokes from playing Curious Village, mainly Luke saying the phrase "this man is being VERY RUDE we should KILL HIM" (Ao3 series)
Assassin AU Variant: (belongs to me and snekatiemainy) A variation of the assassin au where Clive is adopted by Layton. Clive picked up a gun and has never been the same since. Guy who loves his 20 guns and is sooo annoying about it <3 Honestly 90% of my assassin au tag is just the variant instead of the actual original au hdtdhdhrfd
(Ao3 series)
(AV!Clive's tag)
Timeline Hopper Clive: (belongs to me, inspired by a-queer-kitkat's post) Post-canon Clive that starts getting tossed across dimensions at random intervals due to an abandoned machine prototype left by one of Dimitri's scientists. Often crosses over with Puzzles Gone Wrong and Assassin AU. He gets worse but then he gets better. Then there's a version where he gets worse again and weird buggified.
Clive Triton AU: (belongs to me and snekatiemainy) what if clark adopted clive. Send post
The BEHUH??? AU: (belongs to me and snekatiemainy) ???? goddamnit timeclive what did you DO (BEHUH??? stands for Butterfly Effect HUH???) (two guys chilling in the river 5 feet apart because get pitted idiot)
CSAU: (belongs to me and snekatiemainy) clive is adopted by descole. I encourage you all to ask us what CSAU stands for several times.
Apprentice Nils AU: (belongs to me and snekatiemainy) that random miracle mask npc's parents died so layton yoinks him
Little Hershel and the Curious Playground: what if it was all elaborate playground roleplay, and targent is a group of school bullies? (some ideas come from conversations with friends on discord)
Commander Cardinal AU: mackintosh takes over targent while layton & friends are busy procrastinating on getting the last egg back by going puzzle searching
Randall Possession AU: (belongs to snekatiemainy) what if he became a ghost and hung out with his best friend Layton forever now
Layton Object AU: based on those silly object show things. They're living objects with limbs and faces etc etc and the only real changes in this au right now is just names, designs, and minor things that come with those design changes. i make this kind of au for almost anything i touch loll
Vampire Layton AU: what it says on the tin. One of my earliest tagged AUs. It didn't really go anywhere but it's fun to think about sometimes. Based on a joke we made while playing Diabolical Box.
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