#if anyone wants to discuss this game with me PLS do bc i have so many thoughts about it
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oh anya weâre really in it nowâŚ
#emptymilk draws#i was not on tumblr as much at the peak of my mouthwashing fixation but trust it was happening#i finally made a piece of (digital) FINISHED art for it#i rly love how this turned out even tho i had actually intended to fully colour it#which i might do someday#but i rly liked it as it was#anya mouthwashing#anya#anya mouthwashing fanart#mouthwashing#mouthwashing video game#mouthwashing fanart#digital art#art#illustration#if anyone wants to discuss this game with me PLS do bc i have so many thoughts about it#i plan to do a daisuke one like this too and maybe do all of them eventually as well
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what instruments hq characters would play in a regular concert band setting (coming from an unbiased! fair! reasonable! flute player)
word count - 1,728 words
warnings - none besides band kid energy :( also no proofread
a/n - in honor of marching season starting again. thank god i'm never doing that again, but hopefully i can nail my upcoming audition!! i am NOT open to discussion and critiques btw my word is absolute law. (lol just jokes and if you have any suggestions to add pls let me know i will happily add them in)
picc/flute - usually the best behaved kids (force of habit bc they sit next to the conductor so they have to be on their best behavior). for the most part pretty nice, but they definitely are the biggest gossipers...WILL talk abt anything and everything. from the weather to the crazy ex that your stand partner blocked but can't shut up abt. there's always someone in the section who just has everything in their bag - gum (which we can't even chew in band??), hand sanitizer, vaseline, aquaphor, lotion, etc. definitely the most blind and deaf group bc of how out of tune we always are, and how many ledger lines are in the music. usually chill for the most part, but there's always That One Player that is way to snotty and stuck up abt band like bro chill out u don't need to be so competitive. chaotic good.Â
SUGA and is able to talk some mad shit and is highkey deaf (same) but is a wonderful role model for the younger section members. SUNAAA this mf is always on his phone in rehearsal and gets in trouble for it, shirabuđđ takes chair auditions way too seriously and side eyes his stand partner too muchÂ
clarinet - section that has the most amount of stereotypical "band kids" but honestly pretty nice. most of them are hard workers and studious? competition is pretty tough in such a huge section so they are kinda tryhards. not too introverted but not like super loud or anything. a really "in the middle" section i would say, and def one of the most diverse sections bc it has so many members in it. firsts definitely are always on their a game in terms of music and academics, but the further back u go in rows, the more chatty and chaotic they get. neutral good.Â
tsukki and yams omfg..tsukki is def clarinet 1 and yams clarinet 2 (but grinding so he can sit next to tsukki next year), maddog (ok doesn't really fit at all but i think it's hilarious imaging him as clarinet), yahaba (which does fit), kunimi, futakuchi (and those 4 whisper so much in the back), aran BUT i feel like he plays sax for jazz and prefers sax more, would play sax in concert too but competition is STIFF so just plays clarinet, kenma and he's in the back and super unassuming, always on his phone playing a game in between reps, komori and he's first clarinet and is perfect and the conductor loves himÂ
double reeds (bassoon, oboe, eng horn, i'm putting bari clarinet in here except i don't think it's technically a double reed) - SOOO KIND AND STUDIOUS AND PRETTY. everyone wants to be them or their friend. i've literally never had a band interaction with anyone from the double reed section. always appreciate any gossip, and since they're friends with so many ppl, they kinda know everyone's business but they keep it to themselves. also highkey cracked at their instruments for no reason like there is not that much competition in a regular band, they're just sexy like that. lawful good.Â
asahi (bari clari) (also always underestimates how much air it takes to play contra and hates it), YACCHI (oboe), kiyoko (bassoon, sits next to yacchi and they're constantly exchanging gossip with each other in between reps), akaashi (bassoon, literally in the center of band and everyone can look at him and get a crush)Â
saxes (soprano [does anyone even like playing the metal clarinet let's be fr], alto, tenor, bari) - ok if you're good at the sax you're INSANELY. GOOD. it's so competitive bc there's so few spots in a concert band setting so if you want to get a high chair placement u gotta grind ur ass off. definitely some of the biggest try hards in the band, even moreso than the clarinets, and also academically they're like always in all advanced classes and shit for no reason. lowkey kind of cocky and full of themselves but u kinda let it slide bc they're so insanely good it's kinda warranted yk? pretty introverted and keep to themselves, but never exclude anyone. lowkey has the most rizz out of all the sections, but they don't try to be charismatic they just kinda are and everyone kinda hates them for it. lawful neutral.Â
kuroo...he gives such alto vibes sorry for the slander. i feel like yaku too bc they're constantly competing with each other? maybe bari? lol the instrument is like as big as him. kai is the chill tenor in between them that try's to break up verbal fights before the conductor notices, DAISHOU him and kuroo has been competing for first chair since 5th grade
trumpet - convinced they're the main character (they have repeating staccato 8th notes) like PLS lower ur volume. kinda cocky but this time it isn't warranted bc they're not as good as the saxes. firsts are CONSTANTLY trying to see who can go higher during warmups and it pisses everyone else off but we all reluctantly tolerate their presence...bc when they DO have the melody they kinda slay (albeit a bit sharp). pretty extroverted and nice with such enjoyable energy like u kinda can't help but become friends with at least some of them. when the rest of the concert band first saw the jazz band play, everyone kind of got a small crush on the lead trumpet player bc he was that good (hahah not me nooo never aha). neutral chaotic.Â
hinata...except this time he is the main character. inuoka, miya atsumu, oikawa!! technically he should be in the next section with kags, but oikawa fits trump jazz lead too much (also never made all state...sorry not sorry), mattsun and hanamaki and they're the biggest chatters (the conductor hates them), BOKUTO he's so loud but we all love him, hoshiumi
french horn - the It Girl of the band. horn is one of if not the hardest wind instruments to learn. a sharp learning curve fs, but a good horn player is GOOD. insanely freaking good. and also critical in any concert setting and has such a beautiful sound when played correctly. when not played well though...since there's so few horns already in a band, it's really hard to let others in ur section carry you. so if you're not good...everyone can kinda tell. thing is, saxophone is different bc there's so few chairs, but it's at least an easy instrument to play (hard to get good at tho) but horn is just hard period. get grinding or face the embarrassment. tbh kinda secluded, really only talked amongst themselves and the saxes bc they had similar parts and sat next to each other. i never once interacted with a horn player. neutral good.
kageyama (except he's good duh), sakusa (also very good), hirugami (he never looks happy whenever he gets solos tho and nobody knows why..?)
trombone - oh dear...ok i lied THEYRE the most band kid-ish of all the band kids, not the clarinets. pretty nice and funny, loud and never shut up like the trumpets and they get away with it bc they sit in the last row. not bad people at all, they just kinda act like ur younger siblings sometimes, not like kids in ur age range. not as charming as the trumpets, but instead have this childlike innocence to them so u just wanna pinch their cheeks or something. pitch is a huge issue, and anything rhythmically harder than like a couple 16ths and they can't tongue it clearly, but u applaud them for trying. chaotic chaotic.Â
koganegawa, TANAKA AND NOYA AS STAND PARTNERS OMG they're constantly disturbing the rehearsals bc they laugh too loud, yamamoto, levÂ
euph/tuba - technically 2 different instruments i know, but i'm running out of ideas and combined their section total is like 5 ok cut me some slack. actually so sweet and nice, they have no enemies like the double reeds, but this time they're like isolated in the back row :( so they kinda only talk with each other and sometimes the trombones. even tho they also sit in the back the most they do is whisper quietly amongst themselves, WHEN THE CONDUCTOR ISNT TALKING TO THEM. bless their hearts. theyre always in the background of every piece, and a regular audience member doesn't really notice them, but anyone who plays an instrument knows they're the most important part of the band. always the root of the chord, almost always keep the pulse with quarter or eighths, everyone tunes to the tuba. classic, standard, we love them. i fear one day they're going to absolutely snap and go crazy tho bc at the end of the day, they're still a brass player sitting all the way in the back, which is a lawless land. lawful chaotic.Â
daichi, ushijima, kita, aone (it's just the unassuming defensive players lol), miya osamu!! always ready to fight his brother right before a concert
percussion - what...goes on back there? nobody's quite sure, except for them and the occasional trombone player sitting in front of them. they're constantly running around trying to get to their instruments in time, and they always make it somehow. always the tightest sections rhythmically, i swear they can sight read anything perfectly and have it performance ready by the 2nd day. friendly with everyone else, but they're lowkey like a cult bc they spend so much time together with drumline camp, band camp, etc. by far the crowd favorite during parades, pep rallies, etc. but they never let it go to their heads. always have matching section shirts and hats and whatnot on dress up days and it's so cute, but their hats are always crazy like giant squid plushies and ikea bucket hats and whatnot. neutral chaotic everyoje loves them for it.
tendou (he has the squid hat) (also nobody believes him when he says he doesn't know how to read rhythms but it's true, he highkey doesn't know how to subdivide and guesses everything but is always pretty accurate), iwa (he goes shirtless in band camp and everyone is audibly drooling), semi (on drumkit for jazz but also does concert to keep his rhythms sharp), ofc jack of all trades, master of none konoha since u have to play so many different instruments
#haikyuu!!#hq headcanons#haikyuu headcanons#hinata shouyou#kageyama tobio#oikawa tooru#iwaizumi hajime#ushijima wakatoshi#tendou satori#kuroo testuro#kita shinsuke#miya osamu#miya atsumu#kozume kenma#sakusa kiyoomi#suna rintarou#bokuto koutarou#akaashi keiji#oshy writes#im not tagging everyone that's wayy too much work#hoshiumi kourai#sawamura daichi#sugawara koushi#tsukkishima kei#yamaguchi tadashi#lev haiba#yaku morisuke#ok im done#hq various#hq shitpost
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My Personal Best & Worst Skins for Each Don't Starve Character bc I love to yap
Based purely on personal opinion, though if anyone wants to share their own thoughts pls feel free. I'm going to be basing these mostly off of the in-game sprites, which tend to have more vibrant colors than the portraits. I'm sorry for not including said sprites, but I was unable to find good pictures of them all. Also this won't be including the Culinarian/Challenger skins, since those are pretty simple and same-y.
Wilson: Imo the quality of Wilson's skins vary from pretty good to just kind of mid. Nothing stands out as a skin I really want, but there's nothing awful either. My personal favorites are a toss-up between the Verdant, Victorian, and Mad Scientist, but for now I'm going with Verdant because I like the vibe. Worst is between Survivor and Merrymaker - Survivor probably deserves the spot for being bland, but I decided on Merrymaker just because I hate the berries in his hair. I think the holly leaf motif is a cute idea, but the berry placement feels kind of random.
Willow: Willow's in a similar situation to Wilson where there are no skins I really love or hate. Best is probably forlorn doll - all of the details on her head make her in-game sprite a little busy, but the yellow eyes and red dress are cute. Honorable mention to Snowfallen and Victorian for also being cute though. Worst goes to Woeful because a) I have no idea what concept it's going for (Lizzie Borden???) and b) I hate whatever's going on with her hair.
Wolfgang: I recognize that the reference to Hulk Hogan has perhaps aged poorly but I can't not love the Giant. Look at his sick sunglasses and try to tell me this skin is bad. Worst is Incredible Strongman (mostly because of how his hair is drawn. It looks like he's wearing swiss rolls on his head).
Wendy: Best is the Moonbound - I like the hair color change (though the washed out portrait colors don't really do it justice), and the markings under her eyes which resemble tears (like runny mascara, if that makes sense) are a fun detail. Wendy doesn't really have any skins I hate, but my least favorite is Survivor - it's just a little bland, and I don't care much for the "bone" motif (her flower & the ones around her neck).
WX-78: WX is the first character discussed in this post where I think that almost all of their skins are fantastic. It's difficult to choose a favorite - I think using a nutcracker motif for the Christmas-themed Merrymaker set was an inspired choice, Snowfallen gives them this cool, ice-themed supervillain look (literally, I think it was inspired by the character Mr. Freeze from Batman), and while I get why people don't really like the color scheme, I can't not love the super sentai theme of the Midori Roboto (it also just appeals to me as a fan of cheesy 80s rock). With all of that said - I'm sorry, I adore their Guest of Honor outfit, it's so dumb. I think objectively Experiment is probably their actual best skin but I have to be true to myself. Worst goes to Gladiator - it doesn't look so bad in the portrait, but in-game all of the different colors - red, gray, & multiple shades of yellow - around the face area make this skin really busy. Concept's cool, but the execution's flawed.
Wickerbottom: My girl. She's got a few nice skins - Snowfallen gets points for making her look like an ice queen, & I think I like her Moonbound skin more than most other people (I just think the 3rd eye is a cool idea for her). That said, I think the Bewitched is the best one - it looks lovely, the witch theme is fun, & it's the only one which significantly changes up her silhouette. Worst is Volt Goat (a lot of the early Halloween skins were kinda bland, I'm surprised this is the first one I've mentioned).
Woodie: I was surprised by how many good skins Woodie has, since I remembered them being a bit underwhelming. I like his Roseate, Merrymaker, and Snowfallen skins quite a bit, and the last shred of Canadian patriotism in me really enjoys the Hockey skin, but his stupid hippy Halloween costume is too conceptually funny to not include. Sorry I'm really predictable at this point. Worst goes to Masquerader - it's way too busy, and on his in-game sprite you can barely see his mouth.
Wes: Triumphant is hands-down his best skin but shoutout to Lover for that smug lil pose he does in the portrait. I honestly don't think Wes has any bad skins - even the ones I personally think are ugly make really fun use of the clown scheme - so the crown goes to Mandrake for being boring.
Maxwell: Poor Maxwell, man. He's stuck with some of the worst skins in the game. Klei, please PLEASE stop trying to give this man facial hair it does NOT look good. Anyway his best is Gladiator for looking cool (though the portrait colors are REALLY washed out) and making way better use of the "dark magician" theme then some of his other skins dark wizard. Snowfallen is also pretty cool however it DOES lose points for the facial hair. Anyway everyone hates Dark Wizard and while it DOES look goofy as hell Moonbound is worse. I don't know why ppl don't mention it, Moonbound is way worse. #StopTryingToGiveMaxwellABeard #ShaveThatMan
Wigfrid: Like WX, I think almost all of Wigfrid's skins are really good and im gay. Moonbound wins the prize bc she looks like a magical girl and I love that. If I had to pick a worst one I guess I'd choose Guest of Honor. I still like it, the outfit's just a little plain.
Webber: Webber my beloved. I love the Rebel on concept alone & the Victorian for making him a lil sailor boy, but Snowfallen has my heart. I love the way he's colored to look like a snowman (the legs on his head being the "twigs") and that the fluff on his body resembles a sweater. Survivor is probably the worst, it's almost identical to the original aside from some messy hair and spiderwebs. However even the worst Webber skin still belongs to Webber, and is therefore adorable.
Warly: Warly my also beloved, who's also got a lot of great skins. I really like the Candyman, but Roseate is probably the best one - I like the little rose shape in his hair. Worst is ABSOLUTELY Carrat, but shout out to Head Chef (the chef hat in the portrait isn't actually part of his sprite) and the Triumphant for being disappointing (come on, "evil chef" is such a fun idea. Why didn't you make him Bobby Flay).
Wormwood: I probably should've used the in-game sprites for this post, since the coolest part of his skins (the blooming) isn't shown on the portrait. Case in point, my favorite Wormwood skin, Triumphant, looks really bland in the portrait, but when it blooms it opens up into this really cool & striking red eye. I tried to include a picture but it was really big & this post is long enough as it is so you're gonna have to trust me, it's cool. I again don't think Wormwood has any bad skins - I guess I'll go with Roseate since the leaves on his head look Uncomfortably like hair, but it's still good.
Winona: I am EXTREMELY gay All of Winona's skins are really hot fantastic and no I am NOT biased. I want to gush about all of them (SNOWFALLEN! VICTORIAN! THE FIXER! THE ONLY GOOD SURVIVOR SKIN!) but the best is the Swashbuckler. She's so good I'm going insane. I guess her worst is Moonbound? I like some of the ideas but I think it just looks kind of messy, esp whatever's going on with her hair & shoulders.
Walter: WALTER MY BELOVED! I mentioned earlier that Wigfrid's Moonbound skin makes her look like a magical girl, but Walter's actually IS a magical girl skin - his portrait even has him striking the Sailor Moon pose! I think some of his other skins are probably objectively better, but this one's still my favorite. Honorable mention to Triumphant just bc I like the idea (turning a boyscout into a dennis-the-menace style troublemaker). I'm going to give worst to Bee Costume just bc the eyeballs on his head freak me out (but I do think the idea of him dressing up as a bee for Halloween bc he's allergic is fun). Side note, a lot of Walter's skins have hats in the portrait but not in-game? I dunno what's up with that, I guess it's so they don't interfere with equipment?
Wortox: Unfortunately none of Wortox's skins really stick out to me in a positive or negative way. Favorite is probably a tossup between Survivor & Masquerade - went with the former based purely on vibes. I also kinda like the sea-serpent theme of Swashbuckler & gargoyle theme of Victorian. Worst is going to Draconic for being kinda bland & similar to the original. I guess you could make a similar complaint about Uncorrupted, but it's that way for LORE reasons so I wouldn't want them to change it.
Wurt: I really like aquatic monster designs, so i enjoy a lot of Wurt's skins, but the best is Victorian bc a) it's cute and b) deep lore. S/out to Merrymaker's cute sugar-plum fairy motif tho. I will give the worst to Verdant because I don't really like the colors (purple, green, yellow, cream, & brown are a lil clashy).
Wanda: Finally, Wanda. I really like the star motif in her Masquerader fit, and while Tinkersmith is super cute, it looks a little too similar to her original outfit for me (I'm also not a fan of Triumphant's sunglasses, but I like that her hair looks like a shadow hand).
Anyway the moral of the story is don't give Maxwell a beard. Thanks.
#dst#dont starve together#dst wilson#dst willow#dst maxwell#dst wolfgang#dst wendy#dst wx78#dst winona#dst woodie#dst wes#dst warly#dst walter#dst wickerbottom#dst wigfrid#dst webber#dst wormwood#dst wortox#dst wurt#dst wanda#i think that's everyone. that's so many tags im never doing this again#anyway vote now on your phones/include your own favs/least favs bc i like hearing the TEA#poor maxwell man. give this poor guy ONE normal/good skin#side note i wanted to include in the body of the post but couldn't make flow#Warly is drawn to be v handsome in his portraits. We know this.#Top 10 DST characters who are canonically hot include Winona (for the ladies' enjoyment) & Warly (for the boys)#but Woodie is also drawn that way which I was NOT expecting & is weirdly funny to me ajhsdhjas#(admittedly im not the best person for judging male attractiveness but like.#look at his victorian & merrymaker portraits. Someone at Klei has a crush on Woodie)#fellas you go on a date with a buff canadian woodcutter and when you sit down to dinner he pulls out a log and starts eating it. Wyd
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iâve done this poll before but it would be fun to see any dif game responses since then :>
my discussion got a bit long so my top 3 are pikuniku, sims medieval and life is strange
i still havenât given up hope that there will be a life is strange dapg playthrough. ok alright i did have a poll draft recently where i accepted it probably isnât ever going to happen but i really want it to. iâm sure thereâs a dapg vid from 2015 where dan says itâs the most requested game they play i just canât find the video at all
i donât know if it âfitsâ their gaming style idk i guess with it takes two i thought they might branch into more long games but it takes two has sadly,,,, disappeared,,, into the dapg void but yk that could be specific to the game
and i know some people think life is strange is definitely of a Time and i agree like the writing is cringe at times but i have such a nostalgic connection to it that i donât even care like the cringe does not register for me even writing this iâm like ,,, i need to play right now also as interactive christmas adventure Creators they would LOVE a pick your choice/ending game even though lets be real it does not matter in life is strange like the choices do Not do much and yes i will always choose chloe dying bc i love a sad ending. also i genuinely think the soundtrack has such a huge nostalgia factor like some of the songs on there i CANNOT listen to without wanting to replay the game obstacles. kids will be skeletons.
i would also still love them to play pikuniku i love this game so much
the whole plot is saving these cute blobby villager characters from an evil capitalist robot stealing their crops and trees. itâs literally just such a dapg game and it has all these fun minigames like the dance battle with the robot, the baskick championship thing, drawing the scarecrow face, reuniting the baby birds with the angry giant mum bird, breaking all the pottery at that one villagerâs house. THE FIGHT WITH THE EVIL TOASTER. itâs also really cheap. the only thing i hate is the keyboard controls are weird and thereâs no setting to change them so iâd recommend playing on switch if you have one but like if you can get used to awkward controls then itâs literally no issue at all. also itâs on sale rn itâs only ÂŁ2.19 on steam. BARGAINNN also the soundtrack is amazing and the art style is just really cute. and thereâs a co op mode which i havenât played bc idk anyone who has the game đĽ˛đĽ˛ but like @amazingphil @danielhowell pls consider amazing game amazing dapg content i love this game so much
also would still love a sims medieval spinoff even if itâs not a long series itâs so much fun. i can kinda see if dnp only want to stick with sims 4 as itâs a big series for the channel but sims medieval is just rly great
honourable mention to them trying to play minecraft again and doki doki i think would be fun for spooky week but idk if they would itâs a LOT of reading
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said fuck it and filled out the intake forms for a new, actually designed for trans patients (including their primary and other care) clinic nearby bc i just
(warning for l sarcastic and bitter venting, discussion of trans healthcare, and my own care below the cut)
the clinic yesterday was nice. they were kind and tried to be mindful, were careful of pronouns, etc.
But there's a few things that, after reflecting and discussing with Housemate, that are bothering me to the point that I don't see any point in continuing care with them, and I'm actually kind of upset and feel misled by them (tho I do not believe they did this intentionally or maliciously, I think they just... don't actually know how to navigate what they're trying to do here.)
Let's play a fun game with these things bc I'm feeling petty and irritated and am sick from my vaccine update at the appt yesterday which also has me in a shit mood:
True or False?
Q. They stated during my intake/scheduling call that nearly all of their doctors had extensive experience in treating trans patients and managing hormones. Is this true, or false?
A. FALSE. per my meant to be primary care doc, they've only started training to treat trans patients as of THIS FUCKING MONTH. Also per my doc, I'm one of their first outwardly trans patients, so could i keep giving them feedback on how they're doing and if my care needs are being met? Aka will i agree to be their guinea pig while they fumble trying to figure out what to do with me, like my poor (actually decent and v open abt how she was still learning) doc in ND had me do. I didn't mind it there, bc she was the only doc in the area who treated trans ppl and rx'd hormones. Here in CT, however, where there are at least three clinic options that I know of for the care I need, I'm not fucking willing to do that again.
Q. During aforementioned scheduling call, i was told that my new primary doc with them both could and would rx me my T and any other prescriptions including my Lamotrigine. Is this true, or false?
A. FALSE. again, the doc was v sweet. I would recommend her for anyone cis who needs a new primary care doc. However, for me, she promptly told me she knew nothing abt hormones or hormone treatment for trans or cis ppl in need of it, and that if i want their clinic to rx that for me, I need to see their endocrinology team. If there was an emergency and I needed that refilled asap, she said she would do that. Otherwise, I'd have to follow the extremely outdated care plan of seeing an endo and trying to coordinate their care plans for me with her primary care plans. She also kept repeatedly asking if, despite my explaining my ongoing issues with Pl. Pa, if I would consider just going back to them for this and the majority of the rest of my care. But she's happy to do a physical for me every year! đŤ
Q. During said call, and again, I need to stress the very kind receptionist who answered stepped away REPEATEDLY to make sure he was giving me accurate info on all of this, I was told my new doc would and could rx my Lamotrigine for me. I bet you already know, but...true or false?
A. FALSE. she would refill it in an emergency, but otherwise I need the referral she already made for me to their mental health team, where she wants me meeting with their one (1) psychologist, a therapist, and a special gender therapy specialist, before my rx could be continued. She also wants me on something in addition to the Lamotrigine bc 'no one on it is ever JUST on that, it's odd that you are.'
Q. I asked her during the appt abt getting on birth control (just to be safe) and how I'm only comfortable with the pill or Depo. I don't trust Nexplanon, IUDs, and especially not the implantation methods personally (tho for the folks who they work best for, more power to you to use them of course.) She said she could check with the endo team and find out what pill options would work with my T. So. Is it true or false that she's going to rx me any form of birth control?
A. FUCKING FALSE!! as everything else has fucking been!! She sent me a message today admitting that, when she checked with the endo team, they 'weren't really well versed in birth control options for trans men' but recommended the IUD only. My doc added on that she'd be happy to 'take a guess' at what pills wouldn't interact with my T/hormone levels and send an rx, but that she'd really prefer I just got the IUD. I sent back a polite, but admittedly short method that she could just forget it, and I'd worry abt my birth control options at a later date (bc fuck trying to figure it out for them, after I already admitted at the appt that my research on potential options had left me unsure of what pill to try, and that was WHY i was asking a fucking doctor abt it!!!!)
Ending the game here, but she also insisted on ordering referrals to the endo and their mental health team (and i agreed bc im a doormat who just nods along to end a situation that's going poorly for me as quickly as possible), as well as multiple blood draw panels (some I do genuinely want done, like STI testing and of course my usual T related bloodwork. The rest, however, she didn't seem entirely sure would be necessary or useful but thought i probably 'could fill all those vials in one session đ' said after i had already told her im a poor draw who struggles with labs already. She also sort of glossed over/ignored most of my phobias/mistrust re: medical care and made it seem like it would just go away so long as I agreed to and did every test/panel/etc that they recommended. Her (probably unconsciously) talking down/babyish to me after I revealed my austism dx also has me pissed beyond belief, but almost everyone fucking does it to me so who fucking cares i guess. And believe it or not, after yesterday's appt, I now feel even less trustful of docs, and if I didn't need to see someone for my T and Lamotrigine, I probably wouldn't see one again any time soon!!!
Again. they're all nice ppl. clinic is clean and otherwise well put together. but once again, I'm left to mostly figure out my own care, or trust their outdated (by a lot per Housemate, ae was furious they were insisting on an endo when apparently most docs won't ask for that unless an issue arises with your labs or something like that) trans care plans.
I cried yesterday multiple times over this. If i didn't feel like shit from the updated Tdap side effects and wasn't currently so angry abt all of this that I'm damn near steaming from how I'm fuming over all of this, I'd be crying again. Please cross your fingers for me this other clinic will agree to take me asap. bc if not, im gonna fuckin lose it lmao*
*wherein lmao means i just want a doc that listens to me, works with me re: my med trauma so i can catch up on tests/etc without having meltdowns so bad i then put off care, and won't talk to me like I'm a child just bc I'm autistic.
#text post#idk what else to tag this with i have a fever im angry and disappointed and frustrated and just. whatever
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hi zak!
the main story cn pv reminded me of a question I had! sorry if it's boring / has been discussed on here before, but how do you think the timeline of the game works? do you read the main story as an au different from the universe in which Rosa is with one of the guys (which means there'd be at least 4 "universes", one per guy but with the main story as part of that development), or do you see it as entirely seperate?
I personally tend to like the idea that the main story is a precursor to the relationships / happens within the first year before they start dating. I think it (as of what we have on global rn) has to come before that first anni mark, bc the boys are still stuck in some of the issues they had before they began to develop. also, some of the important developments from the main story must exist, such as meeting vyn in his home or defending Marius in ep 2 for their respective stories to even exist, which implies some sort of layover between the two. some characters, such as Harry grant, also appear in events tailored toward the others (if I recall, harry appears in the event for vyns first birthday), which implies the story has continued beyond the point "required" (only up to ep 2 is 100% necessary to begin vyns route) for each ml. in my opinion, this implies that the main story has unfolding effects on the story, but it feels like we see less of the latest chapters have impact into the specific solo ml events or stories.
the events do sow a little more chaos imo. the really big events imply a realistic passage of time; 3rd anni event seemed implied to have also come in the 3rd year since Rosa joined nxx. but this also feels like a wrinkle because it stands in the way of the idea of it existing in the same timeline as Rosas relationship with whatever man. if they were doing the blizzard red thread event as an nxx team, it implies the nxx duty has not been completed, right? but at that time in the mls story line, they were dating right?
I find it hard to believe Rosa is in a relationship w whichever guy at the time of the main story just due to their lacking growth. as a vyn stan, it's most apparent in him to me. in the main story he struggles w trust and still seems very standoffish, but these are things he has begun working on and continues working on as his feelings, and eventually relationship, develop. I'm not as bothered by some differences, like how Luke's illness is revealed in the main story vs how it was revealed to Rosa in his story, bc I can reason that to myself as making up for the fact that not everyone plays everyone's stories or in whatever universe, such as one where Rosa is with Artem, she would not find out as she did in Luke's story, but if she were with luke, maybe his main story would "take presidence" in the sense of what's canon? I guess in the sense of a weird if; then sort of thing?
idk if this made sense and I'm so sorry it's so dreadfully long and ranty. I have a lot of thoughts about how the storylines could connect but also struggle to line up, and I was curious as to what anyone else had to think or say about it, especially if there's any details I'm for getting. but also as this is so long pls don't feel the need to answer it, or even to answer it with something like super detailed. I just wanted to put my thoughts out there and ask what you personally tend to lean toward in ur own thinking :]
ohhhh this is a really interesting view you have!!
my personal view is kjsbflkdl completely different tho. i personally see the main story route and all the romance routes as like Completely Different Timelines/AUs, where main stories 1-5 happen before the romance route but then after that, diverge completely
i remember....i made a chart about this....once.....but i didnt save the image and i cant find it on my blog anymore kjBKSJFDF
but yeah i view them as different timelines. mostly because it's a headache to marry all the timelines into one, but also because luke (my brain's constant focus) is so different in his romance route and main story route. i view those two lukes as separate versions of luke, and thus these stories as stories that happen independent of each other
your view is really cool tho and i enjoyed reading this ask :D
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Day 23 - Discuss Tosh. Opinions? Favorite moment? Least favorite moment? Any unpopular opinions? Any fun headcanons?
tosh my babygirl my princess light of my life angel darling⌠shes so good. shes so good 𼺠i love her dearly. sheâs so damn underutilized i hate how the show regulates her to a supporting role + only uses her for romantic plots. WACK shes so much more than that. i want a plotline about her cyberterrorism like hello??? i want a plotline about her warped little mind.. i want a plotline about her finally learning spanish ;-; that show did not do her justice and it did not deserve her. i often say torchwoodâs characters are too good for the show; tosh is probs the best example of that. no other character gets screwed over as badly as she does by the narrative (not even ianto!) sheâs so tragic and lonely i just wanna give her the biggest hug ever.Â
fav moment⌠every time she smiles. (or smirks. hrgh. tosh call me.) also every time she geeks out about smth. im tryna think of a specific moment but idk if i have one?? i just love her overall i smile every time sheâs on screen sheâs my girlie. when i rewatch i might rmr one though
least favorite moment, the absolute only thing i can think of (hell, my only complaint with her as a character other than i wish sheâd get over owen cuz bad taste queen pls u deserve sm better) - itâs always bothered me how she goes over to owenâs flat in aditd and just starts babbling about her own problems. she even says something like âyou think everythingâs about youâ, and in that ep itâs like ??? why are they all acting like heâs unjustified being miserable and angry when he's fucking dead?? like they're all so unsympathetic and mean, even tosh, and out of her it's especially weird?? tbh it just strikes me as ooc (+ kind of misogynistic highkey) writing. i mean, by all means, let tosh bitch, she deserves to blow off some steam + esp deserves to be rude to owen tbh fhsdkjfsd, but the way itâs done in that particular moment feels ooc and, like, how men write women as talking too much and never listening lmao u kno what i mean (owenâs tuned out in the actual episode but you can see her full ramble in the original script, on page 23). tosh has never troubled anyone with her issues before, why would she choose now to, and when she knows owenâs struggling? yeah, on second thought, i donât hold that against her actually, thatâs ooc to me fhdkf. thts just the writer being a wiener.
my only unpopular opinions (slash hot takes) are that 1) towen fucking SUCKS get her away from him, and 2) most people like tosh but sheâs highkey underappreciated, esp in fanfic, because of fandom racism + misogyny. sheâs not bashed like gwen is but sheâs ignored completely which is nearly as bad, and a lot of itâs cuz she happens to be in a show with two white men in a gay relationship who are overwhelmingly prioritized đ i will never not be petty about the way that ship dwarfs everything else in comparison. also throwing towen into the background of janto is so gross n cheap. if ppl cared abt her they'd do smth more interesting. and it's never well-done either. ugh.
i have a few hcs that are gonna end up in my owento verse (gwen and tosh are prominent characters in it bc i love them, and their relationships w owen and ianto and each other also have value lawl). tbh a lot of em are just things i think they should introduce into their lives to be happier. i want them happy ;-;
she starts coding video games recreationally!! nothing fancy but she rlly enjoys it + also gets into the swing of making little storylines n getting to express herself that way which is good for her. owen playtests shit for her
her and gwen go on spa dates sometimes. they put it on the torchwood credit card
she gets into fish tanks and fish tank care!!! esp like aquarium plants. shrimp and moss balls, that sort of thing. maybe plecos or loaches. she loves it + itâs grounding, which is good for her bc shes otherwise always got her head in her computers yanno. sheâll sit by her tank while she codes her games and the water sounds are calming.Â
she also sits by it while she studies her spanish books which she does finally do. she doesnât get around to the piano, though; doesnât prioritize buying a keyboard. maybe one day (this is a nobody dies au btw so she will in fact eventually get around to it ;-;)
oh sheâs autistic have i said that. the fish tanks absolutely become a spin. she has a few we know of from canon - math and computers, obviously, but also history (gbg) and the ukâs rivers (from gooseberry; i think it was just the uk maybe it was europeâs rivers. or the worldâs! i donât remember). she also loves trivia like she knows a fair amount about quite a lot of things + loves accumulating random info
lowkey also. giving her a kitty. i think tosh should have a lil fuzzy kitty to keep her companyÂ
well this is smth from my owandy verse but i think it should happen anyway. so it kind of kicks off bc gwen mixes up a blind date (it was gonna be tosh & andy and then owen & a friend of hers, but shes an adhd icon n bungles the invites <3)... tosh ends up with gwenâs friend, whoâs straight, but they hit it off and she invites tosh to have drinks or maybe come to a bookclub meet or something with some friends of hers?? point is, tosh makes some casual friends. maybe meets a pretty girl there or smth đď¸ but mainly i want tosh to have girl friends like i think she grew up very lonely i want her to have some normalcy
also sometimes i like tosh x andy maybe they have a little meet cute at a torchwood crime scene or smth fshdkfd. i think theyâd be cute and heâd treat her well. she'd babble abt tech stuff and he wouldnt understand a damn word but he'd listen very intently
i also like tosh x ianto for similar reasons. i think itâd be a kind of friends to lovers sitch... they should just be close in general tbh, platonically or not yanno, and in my owandy verse i like the idea of smth kicking off between them i just think theyd be so sweet
sheâs a very sleepy drunk and also a lightweight. if the team goes out to drink sheâll get two glasses of smth moderately fruity and then fall asleep against someoneâs shoulder itâs very cute (this is just cuz i like the idea of a sleepy tosh 𼺠my baby my baby shes so precious to meee)
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hi pls read i have a thing to ask if you're a ttcc player dont ignore bc guzma long text ok please i beg ok heart emote. the more important part ill color ok ?
hmmmm SO since im actually considering writing a thing on clash lore, mostly the past atticus stuff, comics, thomas dialogue/saggs cyger drama!! the direction it seems to be going...? clash staff's confusing or non-existant explanations or communications on their directions with it aside from "we are rewriting tasklines" (that are public, fuck one off discord messages. idk if theres any but i just wanna say this outright) and just how pointlessly hype based it is. they underdelivered this time and man! disappoint!
so, my question is, if you're still reading this post, i will rephrase shorter if nobody does -
but does anyone have any thoughts on clash lore and any of this? mind telling me about it?
there's probably still details i am missing especially oclo stuff as i haven't done that fight yet, and i only became an active player after 1.3, but i'm still allowed to be interested and have opinions, even if this lore is... hard to dig for. so if i ever discuss anything and may be missing a piece please do let me know. but that doesn't matter what i want right now are opinions.
i have spoken to my friends about this endlessly but i worry i may be in an echo chamber - and i know this isn't my toon blog but i feel better asking about it here, more casually. just for opinions.
because from what i've seen a lot of it isn't... exactly positive. but i explode if i venture into the wider fandom space myself and i won't do it for the sake of my own mental health.
love the game to bits, my passion for it is why i care so much - but i feel like some of the recent directions... could be discussed...? i don't know, i just want to make / write a thing discussing all my issues in a less rambly way. it'll still be a long ramble, but hopefully a slightly smarter sounding ramble.
i wish i could compare this to anything in the past updates, but i really can't as i haven't been playing. i logged once in 2019 then never again until early 2023. so like. i have nothing to point to from personal experience aside from being told that the time between the lawbot updates and lbhq got backlash, too.
#nobody fucking listens to me because i ramble too much but i do ask to be listened to#god...the lore is so hard to follow all arg all wiki none ingame and all ingame is accessible once a year#is hyped up#then not addressed next time#no mentions of it#im sorry why the fuck are clash writers treating this like its FNAF.#if i can compare stuff to fnaf lore even as a fnaf fan its NOT A GOOD SIGN???
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D E A D the way i only got through like 1/3 of editing this LMAOOO pls don't fire me pls pls pls đ
BUT HEY PSYCHO JOONG MADE IT INTO THE DAY OF LIGHT i still remember when we were bouncing ideas about making the most unhinged yun fic and then an unhinged joong fic and look where we are now BOTH OF THEM DONE AND DUSTED đ
okay firstly i'm so proud of you for incorporating motifs into your works like RAHHHHH RED YESSSSS it just links everything together so well and makes all the ideas and themes so chefs kiss mwah mwah
also literally like just a few paragraphs in and already the pLOT IS THICKENING and can i just say babes your characterisation (as always) was soooooo good in this like they're unhinged and cray cray yeah but they're not just brainless loopies they legit have reasons and motives and thoughts behind the delulu (us we're just delulu no thoughts đĽ°)
and the build up of seXUAL tEnSiON bEtWENE THEM AND THE WANTING AND YEARNING AND LONGING AND THE â¨mind games⨠UGH HITS SO GOOD and the pacing yum yum
trust you to give the comedic relief as well throughout the story like you just cannot go a day without dissing joong :'))) the KiDS' SECTION đ and the fact that you chose that part to release as a teaser so that you could pretend this was gonna be a happy go lucky story HA HA HA gottem good đ¤Š
can i just say reader is so strong bc joong could breathe in my direction and i'd be folding and simping for him fr fr LIKE THE WAY HE CALLS HER princess RAHHHHHH ARF ARF ARF AND HIS RASPY VOICE WHEN YALL DOING THE SEGGS
also wow dirtyumi makes a comeback we haven't seen smut in a hot minute đđđ goOD GIRL AKSJLFLDSG GOODO FKALDFJSD FGIRLL DLSGJHDSLKH oh and then look at hongjoong simping for reader when she calls him my king damn you really laying on the petnames real thicc đ
the way you weave so many elements into your plot is always so commendable and big brain like you just cannot be satisfied with a simple plan that leads to a simple problem nah man it's gotta be a thousand different components that all fit together like a puzzle and just wow wow your brain wow
especially when it all starts to slot into place but go down like hongjoong starting to suspect YOU and realise that you're actually so much more dangerous than he thought like HOHOH YES THIS IS JUST THE START OF THE GOOD STUFF >:DDD (good stuff aka hard dom smut apparently HAHAHAHA)
YOOO WAIT WHAT MINGI???? BLUEBIRDDD OMMGSDKGLJ nKJLAG WAIT WAIT WIAT WAIT I ACTUALLY DID NOT SEE THAT COMING AT ALL HOLD UP oh my god of course you wouldn't just plant random cameos into the story eye- đď¸đđď¸
and stop. stop it. the ending????? god the emotions????? and the mutual discussion where they ask whether they ever did love each other and the maybes and the wanting to redeem themselves in another lifetime with each other ??????????? HELLO???? AND THE HOLDING THE HANDS EVEN WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET EXECUTED??? like hongjoong sir you ain't convincing anyone yOU'RE IN LAUURRVVV
AND THE MOTIF. THE MOTIF. OMGGG THE MOTIF. THE COLOURS. THE RED AND THE SILVER UGH. YUMI BABES YOU DID SO WELL WITH THE ENDING FOR THIS FIC I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN HOW PROUD I AM OF YOU
YOU SAW SILVER- GLORIOUS AND ABSOLUTE LIKE THE SWORD THAT PAINTED YOU BOTH RED YOU'RE ACTUALLY A POET. THIS IS GOING TO BE ON MY MIND FOR A VERY LONG TIME. DEFS MY FAVE LINE FROM THIS FIC BY FARRRRR
New World
crownprince!hongjoong x royalphysician!reader
psychopath power hungry prince hj x psychopath delulu spy doctor reader who kill (literally) for each other
dni if you're not comfortable with this trope.
word count: 27k
genres and warnings: unhinged fluff only, angst, smut (mdni!) they're both pyschopaths, morally black atp, skewed thinking, violence and murder warnings, manipulation at its finest, reader is a bit delulu but so is joong, kinda tragic
synopsis: you've always known the crown prince was just a little power hungry, however, when you offer to kill the king for him as part of your big scheme to end the monarchy, you didn't realise he'd be ecstatic about it. while you etch out an elaborate plan to get more obstacles out of the way, you start enjoying his company just a little too much. it ultimately clouds your judgement and becomes the cause of your downfall, though... if you go down, he goes down with you :D
manager-nim: @eightmakesonebraincell (just two simps for dom hongjoong what's new)
Red might just be your favourite colour.
Red was the colour of blood. Red was the colour of anger, desire and power. Red was the colour of the loveliest roses that decorated this castle, and red was the colour of Wonderlandâs flag. Red was the colour of the badge that the soldiers wore at all times, as well as the colour of rubies that were your favourite stone and a staple of royal jewellery.
Red was also the colour of royal regalia. And oh, Prince Hongjoong absolutely owned that colour. It looked like red was made for him. Everything he did was red. His actions, his aura, his charms, they exuded red. The way he walked, the way he laughed or smirked, the way his expressions would change in a matter of milliseconds⌠everything was red. He breathed in that colour and made it his own.Â
Red just so happened to be the colour that clear drug now turned into when you added a few drops of the new opium compound you had gotten your hands on when you went shopping in the black market. As the royal physician, you had the privilege of accessing the black market without repercussions, so you got a little of everything that would be considered âdangerousâ or âillegalâ. Your sole duty as the royal physician was to make advances in medicine and make sure the royalty remained healthy.
Though⌠there wasnât much left to worry about. The Queen had passed away when you were still an assistant a few years ago. The King, well, he was unfortunate enough to be suffering from a heart condition. You did everything in your power (though that could be argued) to keep his pain and suffering at bay but with each passing day, his health deteriorated even more.
And that left Prince Hongjoong- the young crown prince, loved by some but feared by all. With his striking platinum hair and a permanent glare, he was as cold as he appeared to be. The man only cared about swiftness and rationality in each decision he made, disregarding the suffering of his people and their woes. He claimed that a ruler had to be strict and authoritative for his kingdom to prosper, and his ideology had always conflicted with his father's, which was why the people of Wonderland dreaded the day when the King would pass away and the Crown Prince would take over.
You smiled to yourself as the solution became red, confirming that it worked. You had just mixed a few ingredients to make a new pain reliever. You only needed to test it out now-
And who better to test it on than the dying King? Sure, maybe it was too strong, in which case he would probably succumb to numbness and his breathing might stop. He had one foot in the grave anyway. But if it worked, he would probably grace you with more privileges. It was a win-win situation.Â
You didnât hate the King, no. In fact, he trusted you a lot- maybe a bit more than he should. He had recognised how brilliant a physician and researcher you were early in your career and had appointed you as the royal physician himself. He depended on you a lot, as you did on him, and his fatherly affection sometimes almost made you crack and forget what you really wanted.
What you really wanted was to see the crown prince become the king, even if it was just for a day. You wanted to be the person to make it happen for him. You wanted to be trusted by him and you wanted him to depend on you. You wanted to be the person that would lead him to the crown that was rightfully his. You wanted to fulfil his deepest desire- you wanted him to rule, even if only for a day.
Because then, you would take the final step and free the Kingdom of Wonderland from its last-standing tyrannical ruler.
But the King- the old man. He just wouldnât die. And that was making the both of you frustrated.
As you poured the new drug in a vial, signing the register to record todayâs progress, you put the vial in the first-aid box and took off your apron, hanging it on the knob next to the shelves that lined the walls of your workshop. You straightened your deep green velvet gown and made sure the pearls adorning your neck looked perfect. Tucking some stray hair behind your ears and smirking at your reflection, pleased with the way you looked tonight, you picked up the box and left the medical chamber, walking towards the residential section of the castle where the royalty resided.Â
The King hated staying in the infirmary so you had fulfilled his wishes and created a setup in his bedroom. Your assistants looked after him throughout the day and you would drop by multiple times to check on him, hoping to get a sight of the painfully handsome prince.Â
Sometimes, you caught the Prince lounging with a book or a smoke, or swirling the wine in his glass. It sparked red in you- red for desire. You werenât sure if that desire inside you was for him or his position or power- or the desire to simply end him as planned by the Master and move to the next phase of your life- but oh, how you wished he would look at you with something other than contempt in his eyes. You knew he disliked you because you were prolonging his fatherâs life and preventing him from taking the crown.
You were. You were doing exactly that. You wouldnât kill the King until he would really look at you. You couldnât simply tell him that, so you would have to take a risk that could end up with your head in the lunette, ready for execution.
You greeted the royal guards before you knocked on the door of the main chamber and the Princeâs aide, Mingi, opened the door and let you in.
âGood evening, Doctor,â the tall man let you in with a smile and you bowed in greeting before you entered, glancing around the living room for any signs of the prince but finding none. Mingi shut the door behind you and with a nod, you went towards the kingâs bedroom, knocking before entering.Â
The old man was reading some reports, round glasses perched on the tip of his nose. Even though he looked pale and his eyes looked lifeless, he looked as posh as ever with his greying hair neatly combed back and face freshly shaven. Upon noticing you, he set the reports aside and greeted you with a smile.
âHow do you do, Doctor?â He asked and you pulled the stool near him, settling down.
âJust the usual, but I have some good news for you,â you said and when his face lit up, you shook your head. âYou must tell me how youâve been feeling first.â
âWell⌠I think the pain wasnât as bad today, but I still canât seem to walk around too much. I lose my breath too quickly.â
âI might have something for that,â you said. Routinely, he extended his wrist and you checked his pulse, listened to his heart with a stethoscope and checked his eyes. After making sure his vitals were normal, you told him about the new drug.
âIt is an opium compound, so Iâm not sure how different it will be, but I hope it will get better rather than worse.â
âCanât get any worse than this,â the King sighed and you almost tsk-ed.
âIt can get worse, but Iâm here to prevent that,â you assured and the King nodded. âThere is a risk factor, though.â
âAnd like always, Iâll take it,â he agreed, sitting straighter. After administering his routine medicines and skipping the ones that could hinder this new drugâs effect, you made him drink a spoonful of the red liquid. His mouth contorted as the bitterness of the drug spread across his tongue and then he took a deep breath.
âIâll have the nurses monitoring the effects of this drug tonight, but if anything feels strange, you can have the guards send a message to me.â
âThank you,â the King said and you bowed, exiting his room and making a turn-
And almost bumping into none other than the Crown Prince.
The Crown Prince Hongjoong, looking regal even in his plain black silk nightwear. He clicked his tongue in annoyance and you bowed in greeting, stepping aside and about to leave when he cleared his throat, making you stop.
âHow is the Kingâs condition?â
You smirked internally before turning to face him. âNot better⌠not worse either.â
Prince Hongjoong narrowed his eyes and you sighed. âItâs because the drugs wonât work. Iâve administered a new one tonight, and I have hopes.â
What kind of hopes, he didnât need to know.
âYou always say that, yet my father is still bedridden.â
You noted his use of the term âfatherâ. He always employed that term carefully, and you werenât sure if anyone else had noticed that.Â
âWell, itâs a bit⌠risky this time,â you began, testing the waters and when he raised his brow in curiosity, you knew you had him. âHe might get worse before he gets better. Or⌠he may never recover if it doesnât suit him.â
âYet you still administered that drug to the King?â
There. He was now âthe Kingâ.
âThe King,â you began, emphasising the word, âtook a leap of faith in me and the drug if that means he could get better one day.â
The Prince nodded in understanding, about to go to his room.
âHowever,â you said in a low voice, looking around to make sure no one was in sight. Hongjoong turned to hear the rest of it, his eyes scanning your face for any signs of concealment.Â
You took a few steps forward- tonight, the wheels of your big plan would start to turn. You purposely stepped a little closer than he would have liked and whispered, âIâll tell you- the King shouldnât be taking such risks at his age, and with his condition.â
âWhat is that supposed to mean?â Hongjoong asked in a whisper as if what you had shared was a secret.
You only shrugged, feigning innocence. âWho knows? If you really want answers though⌠maybe you could let me access the private library first.â
With that, you bowed and left, leaving the prince baffled. He opened the door of his fatherâs bedroom just a fraction and saw his brows furrowed in pain as he rested, the nurse paying no attention and instead more focused on knitting.
Hongjoong went to his room and found himself going over the conversation he had with you over and over again. He couldnât help but recall previous instances of when you told him- and only him, he had noted- how his father could get worse or better depending on the situation.
Were you actually intending to tell him that you had his health, even his life, in your control? Had he been too oblivious of his royal physicianâs actions and words? Had he underestimated you? He knew you were a good doctor- you were a renowned physician throughout the Capital. But were you offering him the controls?
The private library- he wondered what you intended to find there. Maybe he would give you a chance to prove yourself to him. Hongjoong smirked into the night sky, peering down at his kingdom from the height- perhaps, you were the weapon he needed to wield in order to get to the throne.
And if you wereâŚÂ
Finally, the crown prince started to feel a new surge of hope and desire. Hope for the new world he wanted to create as soon as he could sit on the throne, and desire for that power.
Hongjoong saw red before his eyes as he shut them, letting the light breeze blow through his hair and caress his skin. He wasnât sure if his grim laughter was echoing inside his head or being carried by the wind for the world to hear.
â------------------------------------
You were starting to wonder if your plan had not worked.Â
The past week, you simply checked on the King and kept administering the same new drug that you now called ârubyâ. It was a bit ironic to call it ruby, you thought. Ruby was Wonderlandâs staple stone and what better name for a drug that would end the life of Wonderland's king? It was a shame no one could share the sentiment- when your assistants asked why you called the drug ruby, you simply answered that it was because of the colour.
Prince Hongjoong seemed like he was avoiding you on purpose. Maybe he was not interested in what you had to offer. You were pretty sure he got the message- the King was at your mercy and could be at the Crown Princeâs mercy if he wished so. However, he didnât acknowledge your presence the few times you crossed paths with him within the week. A small part in your brain said that maybe you had made a mistake and he was being cautious. Maybe you should have never revealed all of that- maybe you had doomed yourself. If he suspected you of foul play, he could have you executed for treason. Maybe the Hongjoong did possess a functioning heart under all those layers of thorns. Yours had long been numb.
But maybe, just maybe, he was weighing his options. Could he trust you, the royal physician, a respectable doctor and medical researcher? Were you planning a trap for him- was it the Kingâs doing? Did the King suspect that his son really wanted him dead? Did one of his uncles, the Dukes, plant you here as a spy? They were interested in the throne- at least the older one of them, the Duke of Neverland Prince Woobin, was.
And why did you need to access the private library anyway? That was what kept nagging at Hongjoongâs mind. The private library was not attached to the main library but was located in the part of the castle that accommodated the royal residents. The only people allowed to access that library were those of royal blood. It mostly held archives related to court orders and the royal family history. Whatever could a doctor need in there?
With all these thoughts plaguing the princeâs mind, he found himself making way to the medical chamber after dinner accompanied by his aide, Mingi. Mingi asked if he was feeling alright but Hongjoong only said he wanted to ask you a few things regarding his fatherâs medication and that he was hoping to get something for his own insomnia. That relaxed his aide a bit- Mingi had been by Hongjoongâs side for a solid decade now and while they shared the same opinions on many things, Hongjoong still wasnât sure if Mingi really agreed with his political views.
Hongjoong dreamt of big things. He was a dreamer and a doer, which he supposed was not an odd combination but a rare one- people usually had to give up one or the other. He, however, was not going to bow to this world- the world was going to bow to him. That was the world he aimed to create where he would be the ruler, where he would allow people to dream within his constraints. To him, there was no such thing as freedom. Freedom was simply a word to fool people into believing that they possessed the right and control over their life. Sure, Hongjoong was a slave to this word too. He dreamed to be free-
Free of the title of crown prince. Free of the title prince. He abhorred that word now- he wanted to be the king. He wanted the freedom to rule. And you- you had just offered him a shortcut, if he was right about this.Â
Hongjoong was greeted by a few doctors at the workshop, the three of them moving around nervously and almost tripping on each other as they straightened and asked what brought the Prince all the way to the medical chambers- he could have sent a message. Hongjoong said he simply wanted to observe and check the progress of his doctors. One of them offered to take him to you, to his relief, and he followed the physician to the other end of the workshop which led to the room right next to the storage.
âThatâs where the Head Physician usually works- she prefers a corner so she can experiment in peace- and itâs also to avoid involving others in any possible accidents,â the physician said, fiddling with his fingers as Hongjoong nodded. âI- Iâll alert her.â
Hongjoong watched with intrigue as the young physician carefully turned the knob so as to not make a single sound and slipped inside with light footsteps. Hongjoong peeked through the gap and realised you had your back against them. The physician waited for you to set all the equipment in your hands on the table before he cleared his throat and you turned to him.
âThe Prince is here to uh, see you- your progress.â
âThe Prince,â you breathed, your gaze going towards the door and you thought you spotted the familiar blonde hair. âWhere is he?â
âRight outside.â
âGoodness, Jeongin, let him in then, donât keep him waiting!â your eyes widened as you shooed the physician away and with the few seconds you had, you rubbed the stains on your hands and cleared the table in front of you.Â
âDoctor,â his voice sounded, the door clicking behind him as Jeongin gave you both some space.Â
âYour Highness,â you curtsied, your heart beating erratically and a bit too loudly- this was the first time you were in private with the Prince, after all. âWhat brings you here?â
âJust thought Iâd check up on you,â the Prince narrowed his eyes as he walked past the counter with various vials of drugs and medicine arranged on them. He stopped near the ruby red liquid that he now recognised as his fatherâs recent prescription. âAny progress regarding the Kingâs health?â
âSurprisingly, heâs getting adjusted to the low doses quite well,â you said, noting the tiniest twitch of his facial muscles. âI will start increasing the dose in two days and see how he responds.â
âYou mentioned a risk last time,â he raised his brow slightly as he locked eyes with you, seating himself on the very stool you had been sitting on just earlier. The proximity made you restrain a shiver, the cold countertop digging at your back providing a sense of relief in the form of familiarity. âIâd like you to elaborate.â
Got him.
Suppressing a smile, you obeyed. âUsually, I gradually increase the dosage and see how the Kingâs body reacts. The heart⌠it is a complicated organ and there are a lot of factors that can influence the working of the drug. Sometimes, the body ârejectsâ a medicine which means we canât have the patient take that anymore. The rejection can be due to age or some other factors.â
âAnd this new drug- ruby, youâre calling it?â Hongjoong asked, gaze darting over where the red vial was. âWhatâs so special about this?â
âWell,â you took a moment to find the right words to answer. âItâs more of a drug than a medicine, for starters. Addiction might be a side-effect but before that, thereâs more to worry about. His body may look like itâs adapting and then all of a sudden, it could reject the drug and his condition could get worse.â
âWill there be any signs to indicate such a thing?âÂ
âI will answer thatâŚâ you leaned forward. âBut first, I would like to access the private library.â
âAnd whatever would a royal physician find useful in the library?â The Prince asked, fiddling with the gold button on his black jacket. âItâs full of cobwebs and dust.â
âAnd a treasure of useful information,â you quipped.
The Prince gave you a threatening look and you sighed. âAlright, there are two reasons I want to access the library. I can only tell you one- that I want to check the family registers and private journals for any signs that this may be hereditary disease. That information is going to benefit you, and thatâs my only purpose.â
âAnd the other reason?â He frowned, not really caring that you wanted to check for his sake. You supposed as a royal physician, it was your duty and he had nothing to be grateful for.
But your reason was still the same.
âI canât tell you the other reason, because Iâm not sure Iâll find anything about it and I donât want to give you false hope,â you said and that got his attention. âBut⌠if I do find something⌠youâre going to have to speed up the preparations for your coronation.â
Realisation dawned on Hongjoongâs face and he instinctively looked around before he stepped off the stool and walked towards you with heavy steps. âDo you hear yourself right now?â
âLoud and clear,â you smirked, taking off the mask because there was no need to show him anything but the truth now. âYou want this. You want the throne, and I am your loyal subject. My only reason is to have you sit on the throne instead of one of the Kingâs brothers.â
Confidential information. How did the royal physician know that the King wanted to delay his sonâs coronation and instead pass the hierarchy to one of his two brothers? The conflict between the King and Hongjoong was not news- they didnât see eye to eye on many things and that was public knowledge. But how did you know all of that?Â
Or was it so obvious, Hongjoong wondered, that the King did not want his son to take over the throne so soon? If the whole world was against his coronation, why were you presenting yourself as a loyal subject?
âWeâll talk about this later,â the Prince said in a low voice, pointing his finger at you. It unsettled him to see you stand so sure before him. He opened his mouth to say more but couldnât find the words.
âIâm just a tool for you to use as you please,â you gently lowered his finger, watching his eyes flicker with surprise. âAnd Iâm only doing this for you. Keep that in mind. Have a good night, Your Highness.â
â-----------------------------------
A tool for him to use as he pleased.
And if you wanted to prove your loyalty so bad, he would use you. He would exhaust your services until you had nothing more to offer. But first, Hongjoong needed to find out just what was so interesting about the family tree that you were tracing your finger along the lines that marked his ancestry.Â
While you said nothing about him watching you from a distance like a hawk, when you opened one of the registers and your features twisted from concentration to satisfaction, he craned his neck to read the title.Â
âWhy are you looking at the death registers?â
âSo I can learn how the King can die,â you said, watching the confusion on his face change to intrigue. âAnd how to avoid it.â
âYouâre playing a dangerous game here, sweetheart,â the Prince said. âAre you really doing all of this to save the King?â
âI told you, but since weâre in private, we can talk more freely here,â you set the register on your lap, taking a deep breath. âSo ask me whatever you want.â
âHow did you know about the King considering one of my uncles to take over?â
âI have a few drugs that I sometimes slip in to make him talk,â you folded your arms. âAnd heâs quite a talker, your father.â
âHow can you, a royal physician,â Hongjoong began, almost fuming at the thought, âabuse your power to make the King talk?â
âAnd why are you, the Crown Prince, not doing anything despite the knowledge of my medical malpractice? Clearly, youâre interested in what I have to offer.â
âI donât need your loyalty,â Hongjoong shook his head, his platinum hair catching the moonlight through the patterned window behind him when he moved. âThe throne belongs to me. Sooner or later, I will take over.â
âUnless your father announces that he likes the Duke of Neverland too much,â you countered. âOr the Duke of Mist Island. He may be a bit slow but heâs got better manners than you. Clearly youâre the least favourite.â
That was what made the Prince laugh mockingly. Though it was just him recovering from the blow that you delivered, you finally made him laugh and that was enough.Â
âSo, Miss Doctor,â the Prince said almost tauntingly. âWhat are your recent findings?â
âYou wonât be sending me for execution after, will you?â You asked jokingly, though a small part in your heart was scared that you were absolutely wrong about the Prince.Â
âThat depends on the information I learn tonight,â he made himself clear. âI cannot have the royal physician murdering the King claiming that it was for the Crown Prince. Not a good look for me.â
You agreed, passing him the family tree and pointing at the death register. âThese are the official medical records which are in the main library as well. But these parts-â you pointed at the red ink. âThatâs information that was never made public. Abnormalities noticed during the treatment of your grandfather who suffered from the same disease as your father. Notice how opium was used for treatment for a few weeks?â
Hongjoong skimmed through the notes, finding an unnamed opium compound mentioned in the treatment section. âAnd whatâs odd about opium being used as a medicine?â
âThat they stopped within a few weeks but administered it again- look at how itâs scratched, but the symptoms Iâm observing in your father now are similar to your grandfatherâs even after they apparently stopped using this opium compound. I asked around and found out which ingredients were used and attempted to replicate this drug for your father. Ruby.â
âAh,â Hongjoong nodded in realisation. âBut why would they stop mentioning the drug- oh, they wouldnât.â
The air suddenly felt grim as Hongjoong realised that there was a chance that medical malpractice or perhaps, bad intentions were what took his grandfatherâs life. âWho was the royal physician at that time?â
âNo longer alive,â you told him. âOtherwise I would have confronted him. I do suspect that he never recorded this because he was afraid he would be blamed for His Majestyâs death. Thereâs also the possibility that one of his sons had a hand in this, though your father was unfazed when I told him that I was treating him with opium.â
Hongjoong cracked his neck, an amused look on his face. âOne of my uncles then, huh?â
âJust pure speculation, but my bet is on the doctor making a mistake and realising too late,â you told him.
âSo, Doctor,â Hongjoong got up and walked ever so slowly around the table, coming to stand right in front of you. âWhat do you intend to do about this?â
âWell, now I know that the symptoms of this drug wreaking havoc on the body mimic natural symptoms of the disease, so even if the King keeps using this and, well, dies⌠I can blame it on his poor health.â
âWhat do you get out of crowning me?â The Prince whispered, bringing his hand up to hold you by the jaw and even though his grip was gentle as he tilted your face up, you could feel the power exuding from him anyway. It didnât help that he looked absolutely ravishing like this and you could feel the flimsy shreds of self control falling apart by each second-
You needed to remember that you were here, that you were the Masterâs spy, that you were doing this for the ultimate goal. To save Wonderland. You could not be distracted by something as mere as feelings.
âWould you believe me if I told you that I only want you to be the King?â You asked. âIs it so hard to believe that someone actually wants you to rule Wonderland with all their heart?â
âThat makes no sense-â
âI want you,â you tested, a shiver running down your spine when his gaze darkened. âI want you to let me keep my post and let me make advances in medicine. I want you to fund my research and allow me to expand my network- even in the black market. I want you to cover me if I make a mistake and in return⌠Iâll be at your service, however you want. I will get rid of anyone you want.â
He could hear the sound of his heart thumping wildly between his ears. He could hear your breath and feel a whisper of it on his wrist. He could see the dangerous gleam in your eyes and he knew that you were a force to be reckoned with. How had he missed it? How did you appear so normal throughout all those years? He only ever suspected you of maybe fancying him because quite a few times, he had caught you watching him with something that resembled fascination, but now he was finding that it might be obsession.Â
A tool for him to use as he pleased. Someone who would do whatever he wants.
Though you werenât sure if what you said was just a lie or you actually meant some part of it, it clearly had an effect on the Prince.Â
Hongjoong brought his thumb to caress the skin near your lips, watching you react under his touch. It was clear as day to him that you wanted him in more ways than you were letting on, perhaps more than even you yourself were aware of. He swiped his thumb across your lower lip, watching your mouth part and your gaze expectant.
Hongjoong kept his thumb pressed on your lip as he bent down to meet your eyes, his face inches away from yours. You held your breath, your heart doing little flips that made you want to crawl away from him. He stared at you for a few moments.
âYou will do as I say, whenever I say, whatever I want. Is that clear?â He ordered and you nodded. âFor now, you will keep administering ruby to keep the King alive. We donât want his health to deteriorate all of a sudden. I want you to learn the Kingâs intentions- who he really wants to crown and for what reasons. Iâll only hear what comes out of his mouth, not your silly little speculations. Make him talk.â
âUnderstood⌠Your Highness.â
Hongjoong nodded slowly, trailing his finger down your chin and tracing the outline of your jaw, trailing it down the angle of your neck and leaving goosebumps along your skin. He locked eyes with you as if to dare you to stop him but you only sat still, though he could swear you bent back just a fraction to allow him better access. He played with the pearls on your neck for a moment, trailing his finger down the middle of your chest until they met your collar, dangerously close to the hollow between your breasts.
With a teasing look and a smirk on his lips, he pressed at that spot before backing away. You took a moment to calm down before you shut the registers and put them back on the shelves, agreeing to meet here the night after tomorrow again. As soon as you were in the darkness and comfort of your room, you slumped down on the bed, exhaling.
You could still feel the ghost of his touch on your skin. You could still feel his eyes boring into you. You could still feel the warmth of his breath caress your face.
And while you were overwhelmed with desire, there were more important matters at hand-
Finding out what the King wanted. You would make him talk and deliver the information to the Prince to prove your loyalty and service to him.
You could only hope he would really look at you and believe what you told him. That was necessary for your plan to actually work. You hoped he would think that all you wanted was to excel as a royal physician and medical researcher. You hoped he would understand that only he possessed the power to make that happen. And when he would let his guard down, that would be when you would strike.Â
You picked the mattress to move one of the bed planks, revealing a box that contained paper and ink. Using the clear ink on the sandy paper with a bluebird on the corner, you began to write the first message after months of silence.
âThe arrow has escaped the bow and is flying towards the target, slowly but surely. The wielder should start preparing for the aftermath.â
â------------------------------------
âHow are you feeling, Your Majesty?â You asked, hand around his wrist to check his pulse, noting down the readings as he shuffled.
âFine for the most part, but I feel lightheaded at times.â
âNo changes in his diet?â You asked the nurse assigned to the King and she shook her head no. âMust be the drug then. Is it bearable?â
âFor now,â the King confirmed, his eyes darting towards where his son stood at the corner of the room with his arms folded and a deadpan stare. The King shifted uncomfortably yet again and you shot a glare at the Prince which he caught, huffing and looking elsewhere. âDoes he have to be present here?â
âDoes he make you uncomfortable?â You asked nonchalantly, comparing your readings with the last few days and noticing a pattern. âHeâs worried about your health.â
The King grunted. âAs if.â
âMore worried than your brothers you adore so much,â the Prince mocked. âI donât see them inquiring about your health. At all.â
âArenât you just waiting to hear bad news?â The King asked and when Hongjoong was about to retort, you raised your hand in the air.
âI would appreciate it if you donât rile him up, Prince Hongjoong,â you said politely. âYour Majesty, you should avoid stressing about your health so much. Have you been taking your morning walks?â
The nurse cleared her throat and you looked at her. âHeâs missed two days in a row.â
You turned to look at the King who appeared guilty. âIâm feeling sluggish lately. Itâs harder to get up in the morning.â
You noted that- could this be rubyâs doing? Shutting your register, you got up and talked to the nurse while the father and son argued a bit more about the Princeâs unusual presence and the Kingâs unusual love for his brothers. When you took your leave, the Prince accompanied you all the way to the main door and just when you were about to leave, he looked around to make sure no one was within earshot.
âI thought I asked you to keep the King healthy-â
You clicked your tongue and grabbed his wrist to pull him to your right so the nurse who just exited the Kingâs room wouldnât notice the look on the Princeâs face. âCan you be more obvious? We shouldnât be talking about this here- and itâs not my doing, by the way.â
The Prince looked at you with scepticism and before he could snatch his wrist from your grip, you let go of it yourself. You could see the muscles in his jaw clenching as he formed a response.Â
âWeâll talk about this later,â the Prince promised almost threateningly and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes. âTonight. Library. Mingi will accompany you.â
You huffed in response, glancing at his aide who came to inspect what the noise was about. Bowing mockingly, you exited the chamber and made way towards your room near the medical chamber.Â
You were about to make a turn to the left when you bumped into a guard who was carrying some documents and you apologised, squatting down to pick up the pages that he dropped. While collecting them and exchanging more apologies, you thought you spotted a familiar stamp but the guard was immediately on his way after thanking you. You took only two steps before you realised-
It was the bluebird stamp.
You kept walking, the Masterâs bitter tone ringing in your ears reminding you to keep moving forwards and remain unfazed. It took a lot of effort to keep a straight face because after months of radio silence, you finally saw a sign that the bluebirds were here. They were in the castle and they had not abandoned you.
However, when you picked your mattress to take out the box and saw a letter inside, the contents of the letter made sweat ooze out of your pores even when you felt like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on you. You were once again reminded that the bluebirds were a very extensive network with eyes and ears everywhere.
But how did they know what happened inside the private library? You and Hongjoong were the only ones present. The short message in the letter seemed to suggest as if they had taken a peek inside your heart at your most vulnerable moment.
âDo not lose sight of the real target. Do not get distracted. Pleasure is temporary. Freedom can be eternal.â
The two hours that you waited for the Princeâs aide to knock on the door had to be the longest of your life. You simply sat on the chair biting your nails unceremoniously as you tried to figure out just who in the castle or the Princeâs closest companions could be the part of the rebel group that was the core of your identity.
The bluebirds, trained by one Master whose face had always been hidden behind a mask, whose voice was a command itself. Your parents were a part of that group, but you could hardly call them parents because as soon as you were able to walk on your own and think without guidance, your training started. You learned the art of disguise, trickery and manipulation. You learned science and medicine until you started achieving things on your own. You were no one special, though. You were just another spy who was in the castle, disguised as someone of importance. Any doubts about you being alone in the castle were gone now.Â
You were wondering if the Prince was aware of the existence of your group- it was a secret underground rebel group but it had been active for decades now. The bluebirds were slowly but surely infiltrating the government bodies and were directly or indirectly responsible for some of the major policies that influenced the kingdom.Â
When the knock sounded on the door, you sighed in relief and got up to open the door to Mingi and you greeted him with a nod, grabbing your keys and locking the room behind you. He accompanied you to the royal chamber in silence until you were almost there and he cleared his throat.Â
âIs there a reason you have to access the private library so often?â
You narrowed your eyes purposely as he glanced at you. âAsk your prince? He doesnât have to be present- Iâm just looking for something that can help me with the Kingâs treatment.â
âAre you sure youâll find that there?â He asked, taking a turn towards the corridor that led to the library. âI mean⌠have you looked in the main library?â
âYes, and yes,â you said. âIâve gone through everything before asking the Prince for permission to access the private library.â
âIf youâre looking for medical related stuff, you should look for the archives in the public library here in the Capital too,â Mingi suggested and you perked up at that. âAnything of importance that is no longer in the castle can be found there.â
âIf it is of importance, why would it be no longer in the castle?â You wondered.
âRebels used to raid libraries about twenty years ago, if you remember your history,â Mingi answered. âWhatever was recovered went to the public library instead of back here.â
Now that was something you had not been aware of. If important archives and documents had been stolen, why were they at the public library instead of at the castle? And more importantly, was it the bluebirds that carried out these attacks? If it was the bluebirds, why had no one told you? You could have visited the public library with ease any time.
âThank you for letting me know. Iâll make sure to visit the public library the next time I step out of the castle.â
Mingi smiled in response and extracted a key out of his pocket, unlocking the wooden carved door that opened to the library. âThe Prince is inside. Iâll be on my way then.â
You nodded and stepped inside the dark room, letting the aide shut the door behind him as he left. You walked towards the window which was the only source of light- did the Prince not bother lighting any candles while he was inside-
There was a sole candle on the table where you had sat a few nights ago with Hongjoong when you checked the family tree. Hongjoong was nowhere to be found though, so you started walking past the shelves, looking to spot the man-
And trying your hardest to swallow a scream when he appeared out of nowhere, though he was quick to grab your arms to avoid a collision.
âEasy there,â he said, sounding amused. Probably because you were positive all the colour left your face.Â
Well, if it had, it sure returned with a flush when you noticed how close you were to the Prince and how human he looked in the moonlight now that he wasnât wearing his permanent scowl and his hair wasnât styled to perfection. The tendrils falling on his forehead over his eyes created a soft look. It wasnât always that the Prince looked anything less than menacing so you got a good look at him before wriggling away.
âSorry, but you could have lit a few more candles. Itâs pretty dark here.â
âWe avoid candles. Donât want to risk a fire, which is why itâs usually optimal to access this room when the sun is out.â
âCanât go around scheming during the day though, can we?â You said casually though the comment made the Prince chuckle darkly. It looked like he was finally coming to terms with you- and himself.Â
âDoesnât seem like the daytime would be a hindrance for you,â the Prince put his hands in the pockets of the black slacks he was wearing. âDid you switch the drug? Why is the King feeling off?â
âI need to research a bit more to answer that,â you folded your arms. âI donât control the way his body reacts to the drug. If it seems like ruby will deteriorate his health at a rapid pace, I might have to stop administering that drug to him.â
âLower the dose then,â he ordered. âOr do you have a better alternative?â
âA better alternative to what?â You dared to ask, earning an annoyed look. âDo you want the King alive and healthy for as long as possible?â
Hongjoong cocked his head- did you really want to hear it from his mouth?
âOr⌠do you want his health to decline such that it would seem natural?â You scoffed at the way he glared at you. âSurely, you must have made up your mind by now.â
âI asked you to keep the King healthy,â he practically spat. âAnd I asked you to make him talk.â
âI think he dislikes your presence a little too much, Prince,â you snickered. âI actually slipped a few drops of verita tonight. A harmless little thing, only makes you a bit hazy so that you start saying things you wouldnât otherwise. And oh, the only thing he had to say was that youâre just waiting for him to die.â
âYeah, well, that is the sad truth,â he said mockingly, glancing towards the window. âHe wonât talk in front of me. I suspected that.â
âLooks like youâre stuck with me then,â you said, moving past him to go to the last shelf which contained the rest of the medical records of the royal family that you hadnât had the chance to access yet. âI do think heâs aware that he doesnât have much time. Isnât the Duke of Neverland visiting soon?â
âNext week, yes. Bet heâll be over the clouds to see my father dying especially when he learns that heâs in his good graces.â
âWell⌠thatâs how Iâm here to help,â you glanced at him. âI was thinking⌠your father was the crown prince, which means he probably didnât visit your grandfather much when he was ill. He must have been too busy trying to keep the kingdom stable and running.â
âThatâs right,â Hongjoong agreed. âI recall my grandfather complaining how he never made time for him.â
âAnd itâs a known fact that the Duke of Neverland tried to snatch the title of crown prince. Tried to coerce his father. Didnât work, did it?â
âHe was let off with a warning, and now heâs after me.â
âHe must have visited your grandfather a lot then,â you brought the medical register that you had checked a few nights ago back to the table. âThe royal physician who treated your grandfather is no longer alive, but the Duke of Neverland must know something about the treatment. You have to keep an eye on him and watch his reaction carefully when it is revealed that ruby is being used to treat the King.â
Hongjoong frowned. âDo you suspect that he had something to do with it?â
âI do,â you admitted. âEspecially because heâs been coveting your title. He might have meddled with the late Kingâs treatment- itâs just an assumption for now, but it is strange how the late King suddenly passed away.â
The Prince nodded slowly and you could see that he was trying to connect the dots. You cleared your throat, catching his attention.
âI also plan to visit the public library in the city soon. Your aide Mingi told me that I may find something of importance there.â
Hongjoong wasnât surprised to hear that so you figured they must have discussed something. âHeâll accompany you on that visit.â
âAlright,â you said, getting up to find more books and records on the royal bloodlineâs medical history.Â
Time passed by quickly even though you found little to nothing of interest, but it looked like the seed of doubt had been planted because the Prince seemed to be deep in thought as he kept glancing at the page you had pointed to- the word âopiumâ scratched over and over as if someone had tried to erase the evidence of it. You smiled to yourself- the plan seemed to be working.
Though you kept one eye on the Prince, you became distracted by a book on alchemy that seemed to be annotated by the royal physician during the time of the Kingâs grandfather. You flipped through the pages, mouth parted in surprise and awe at the dedication and effort of the royal physician- he seemed to have created the blueprint for most of the drugs that were now commonly supplied throughout Wonderland, and that was a remarkable feat.
You almost didnât hear the Prince until he was right behind you and you jumped a little when he rested a hand on your shoulder to let him take a peek at what you were reading. When he noticed the surprise on your face, he smirked.
âWhatâs got you so busy and immersed that you didnât notice my presence?â
âSorry, uh,â you collected yourself, sliding away just a fraction but he seemed to have caught that- he caught everything. âNotes from the royal physician during your great grandfatherâs time. Heâs a figure we doctors look up to a lot.â
Hongjoong flipped through the pages, book still in your hand. âHave you always wanted to become a doctor?â
A question so simple yet you had never been asked before. Your brows rose momentarily as you processed the question, trying not to lose yourself in the spiral of what the real answer was- that no. You never wanted to become a doctor. It was just something you taught yourself to love- or something you pretend to love so you donât forget why youâre here-
âIs it such a difficult question to answer?â He shrugged, taking the book from you so you would have no choice but to focus on him.
âI guess I just learned to love it when I found myself in this field,â you said. Probably the first honest thing you had shared with the Prince. âHave you always wanted to be the crown prince?â
Hongjoong laughed at that, caught by surprise at your sudden question and you found yourself joining- you had never heard the Crown Prince laugh like that- like a kid, unguarded. The Prince seemed to realise that too, though that didnât stop him. You supposed that since it was only the two of you within the privacy of these four walls, he felt more at ease. And though the rational part in you told you that it was good that he was letting his guard down, your heart ached for some reason.
âI guess I learned to love it too?â He shrugged. âAt some point, it becomes something you have to do rather than something you want to do.â
You nodded- you knew that all too well. âYouâre doing this for the kingdom.â
âFor the people,â he said. âThe King hasnât been making the best decisions regarding the kingdom ever since he got sick. The people- I know they arenât fond of me, but they do not know how to run this kingdom. They think resuming trade with the bordering nations like the King plans to will help stabilise our economy.â
âI mean⌠a common man would think that you would save a lot from land routes instead of the sea routes.â
âBut the common man is not aware that the King plans to impose more taxes and tariffs on his people,â Hongjoong told you as if letting you in on a secret- it was, except you were already aware. âAnd I think even if they find out, they will overlook that. In the long run, it will only create more problems and smuggling will become rampant. We barely managed to control that when we were recovering from the late Kingâs death.â
âBut do you really care about the people?â You dared to question, relaxing when Hongjoong only passed you an amused look. âOr is it just because you want to prove something to your father and uncles?â
âCanât it be a little bit of both?â He leaned against the shelf. âThe peopleâŚâ Hongjoong shook his head. âThey say itâs only the people who suffer from the decisions we make. Is that really true though? Because I think theyâre living a pretty pleasant life without worrying about making decisions of such magnitudes.â
âI guess the royal class suffers in their own way,â you scoffed. âInsomnia.â
âInsomnia canât be classified as suffering anymore. Itâs more of a bonus.â
You smiled at that- that was true. There wasnât a royal who didnât suffer from lack of sleep- or lack of good sleep. âIs there something that helps you sleep better at night? Apart from the prescriptions?â
âOverworking,â Hongjoong spread his arms to prove what he was doing right now instead of resting. âAnd⌠well. Other activities.â
âSuch as?â
âOh, wouldnât you love to hear about that,â Hongjoong smiled suggestively and you were lost for a second before you almost choked, looking away to keep the flush creeping on your cheeks at bay. âWant to help me with that? Be my personal nurse?â
âShut up,â you muttered, snatching the book from him and putting it back on the shelf, his dark chuckle echoing inside you. He leaned forward right at the moment that you were turning in his direction, the both of you surprised when you found your faces inches away from each other- you could almost see the flecks of brown in his dark orbs even in the faint moonlight.
Almost hastily, you took one step back at the same moment that he leaned forward, his eyes locked with yours. You raised a brow, the atmosphere heavy with unspoken words. The air was thick with tension, taking the form of something almost electric and tangible- you were sure if you mimicked his movements and leaned forward, you would combust.
The Prince slipped his tongue between his teeth in contemplation and your gaze fell there- a mistake, because you were so, so tempted to get a taste of those plush lips. If it wasnât obvious to Hongjoong, you were curling in on yourself with each passing second as your heart and mind clashed with one another violently inside of you-
âDidnât peg you as the shy type,â the Prince commented, barely a whisper.
âIâm not shy,â you retorted. âIâm just trying to find an answer as to why you keep crowding my personal space.â
âAh, is that how it is now?â Hongjoong tsk-ed in disappointment, standing straight now. âThought you liked it when I did that.â
You did. You couldnât tell him that not because he couldnât know, but because you were sure he would do something about it and that couldnât end well for you.
âLooks like youâll be up all night tonight then,â you scoffed, making the Prince laugh again. âIâll be taking my leave now. Unlike you, Iâm not a royal so I cannot sleep in or ditch my duties. Goodnight, Prince.â
Hongjoong only shook his head in amusement as he watched your figure disappear. The smile fell when you left and he went back to sit on the sofa, watching the moon from the window.
He was pretty sure you had an ulterior motive under the pretence that you were unquestionably loyal to him. There was no such thing as loyalty- a person was faithful as long as they were satisfied. Hongjoong knew that very well, so he wondered just what you were going to get out of killing the King and crowning him. It didnât look like you wanted to sit on the throne with him, but he didnât dismiss the possibility- you could simply just be very good at hiding your feelings.
But then⌠a smirk started creeping on Hongjoongâs lips as he recalled the way he got you flustered. It wasnât his presence that got you all tense- it was when he flirted, that was clear to him now. However, you were putting up quite a fight-
And Hongjoong wasnât one to back away from a fight. Plus⌠he really wanted to shut you up once.Â
And if getting in your good graces- if it could be called that- would get him some answers then he was going to make this enjoyable.Â
He just had to keep his guard up. And that wasnât so hard, was it?
â--------------------------
It was becoming harder with each passing day to keep your guard up when you were with the Prince.
He was just as stubborn and hot-headed as ever, which was already something you had to deal with. He was especially jumpy since the Duke of Neverland seemed to have been attacked by a ârebel groupâ on his way to the castle and had delayed his trip by a few days. The King was worrying too much about his brother and that annoyed the Crown Prince to bits. His frustration was obvious and everyone around him was having to deal with the aftermath.Â
And because he was so frustrated, he couldnât sleep which meant that whenever you met up in the private library- not to read anymore but to talk and plan- he acted⌠different. You wondered if it was the lack of sleep that was making him lightheaded and outright flirtatious but it seemed to be just⌠Hongjoong being Hongjoong. And you werenât sure how long you could keep joking around like this- turning him down by joking was what you had been doing actually.
It was the little things- he would sit in front of you only to overwhelm you with his stare, his eyes scanning you in a different manner than usual. He would purposely play with the edge of your skirt or if he was feeling a little daring, with your fingers while you chatted about medical history or politics. You tried your best to ignore it, especially since there was an obvious reason that you could not involve yourself with the Prince.Â
But with each passing day and each passing moment spent by the Princeâs side, you were wondering if it would be too bad to have just a little fun while you carried out your plan. And if you looked at the bigger picture, it could help you carry out your plan and perhaps benefit you in ways you hadnât ever considered before.
It would also be a slap on the Masterâs face. The Master who had overseen your training and told you that all you were was just a piece in the puzzle he was playing. In your whole life, even at the castle, whenever you were about to make a decision of your own, he would send a sign and hold your invisible reins back- just like when you saw one of the guards with the bluebird stamp. It was always a warning that came out of the Masterâs mouth and never a word of encouragement or affirmation that you were on the right path and that your efforts were commendable.
You had dedicated your whole life to the cause of the bluebirds- to end the monarchy, once and for all. It had been attempted in the past but never successfully, and you supposed it was because the previous rulers had been wise enough to dismiss internal conflict so they could focus on the external threats from the bluebirds. However, after decades, there was finally enough internal conflict to narrow the royalsâ visions. They would not see it coming. There were many key players in this plan, in the light and in the shadows- but you were aware that you were the wild card of this game.
And if you succeeded, which you were bound to from the looks of it so far, the monarchy would end- there would be no one of royal blood left to rule, and before someone else could take over, the other players would make sure that the system of monarchy would collapse and democracy would be established. Once that was done, the people would finally have a taste of true freedom. It was going to be a very tragic end for the royal bloodline, and if you were going to play a part in itâŚ
Would it be too wrong to have some fun and have him think that you actually liked him? Though if you started pondering on the matter, you didnât have an answer- you were confused. But it was becoming harder to reject his subtle advances and you werenât sure how long you could hold your fort, so why not let him think he had the upper hand?
âYouâre staring, sweetheart.â
It didnât help when he called you sweetheart or kitten or something equally stupid (and something that strangely tugged at your heartstrings). You quite liked hearing such terms from his mouth and you wanted to hear him say a lot more-
âDrooling, now.â
âThereâs just a strange insect near your ear-â
The terrified face the Prince made as he swatted wildly near both his ears made you choke down your laugh but when he finally realised you were joking, you laughed wholeheartedly, clapping your hands in disbelief while Hongjoong recovered from the surprise and embarrassment.
âDo you have a death wish?â He growled, shaking his head and you wiped the tears in your eyes, noticing that he was almost smiling now.
âDo you have a death wish?â You countered. âI wasnât staring, neither was I drooling. I just⌠zoned out.â
âYou were staring,â he insisted. âBut I donât blame you. Iâm quite a sight for sore eyes, am I not?â
âTotally,â you muttered, not daring to fuel him further lest he figure you out. You set the vials in your hands aside, getting up to grab the washcloth and clean the counter. âIf youâre going to make my lab your lounge, I must let you know that Iâm not responsible if I âaccidentallyâ spill a chemical on you.â
âYeah, this might not be the best place to get comfortable,â he sent you a suggestive look. âThere are tons of abandoned rooms in the castle.â
âAnd you want me to give you company?â you wiped at a stubborn blue mark on the counter near the Princeâs hand. âBecause we havenât been doing anything, just coexisting in the same space. Sounds like someone has been lonely.â
When he didnât respond, you glanced at him to find his expressions guarded. It strangely reminded you of yourself and you continued. âItâs alright. Iâm not one to say, though I must admit I thought you had more people who you met eye to eye with.â
âWell, youâre the only one who knows my wicked intentions,â he scoffed. âI might have to get rid of you for that.â
âNo wonder you have no friends,â you made a face, taking off your apron and going to wash your hands in the sink. âI thought you appreciated that I was willing to kill for you.â
âYou know, I really donât get it,â Hongjoong got up, walking towards the other counter where you were drying your hands. âYou sound like youâve killed people. Or you think too highly of yourself.â
âWell⌠we both have blood on our hands, whether weâve killed or not,â you said and he realised that was true. âA lot of people have died by my hands, just like they have by yours.â
Hongjoong didnât need to know that you had actually poisoned and killed whoever came close to discovering the identity of the bluebirds. He would only assume you meant that about your sick patients, and that was fine.
âDoes it keep you up at night?â He asked teasingly.
âNot really,â you grinned. âItâs not what keeps you up either.â
Hongjoong shook his head in disbelief and wonder, his hand going to your face almost naturally to tuck the stray hair behind your ear. âYou donât have to sound so happy about it, princess, just because you donât have to pretend to be sad about it in front of me.â
Princess.Â
How could he so casually call you princess and invoke such a powerful desire in you to be the owner of that title? To have the Prince repeatedly call you that?Â
âDo you go around calling anyone princess?â You asked, sounding out of breath and Hongjoong raised his brow- he didnât realise that it would have such an effect on you, but then again-
He had never called anyone princess, not even jokingly.
âDo you like that?â He asked, his thumb caressing your cheek as his hand cupped your face. âDo you like being called princess?â
âItâs you who said it, Prince.â you answered.
Hongjoong cocked his head in thought- were you after the title then, or had you simply never been called something affectionate? Because he did notice how you reacted every time he called you something as simple as sweetheart, or love- even when it was derogatory. He wished he could peek inside your mind and see what you were thinking-
He saw how your gaze darkened when you gently grabbed his wrist to draw his hand away from his face just a fraction, only to peck his palm- your lips felt like the brush of a feather against his skin but that only fueled his selfish desire to get a taste of them for himself.
âDo not ever call me a princess again,â you warned in a low voice, surprising him. âDo not call me anything that you donât mean. Iâll take my leave first. Goodnight, Your Highness.â
Before you could fully turn away from him, he caught your wrist and tugged you towards him, making your body collide with his lightly. The two of you were now flush against each other, your joined hands in the air as he scanned your face, the desire in your eyes so obvious that it was palpable.Â
And he was pretty sure he was very obvious too- he just couldnât help it. He was beyond confused and it irked him to no end and he needed to find the answer. He was sure you were his answer-
You shook your head as if that could help your situation but you gave up and rested your forehead against his shoulder, feeling his body stiffen for just a second before he relaxed. He let go of your wrist only to place his hands on the curve of your hips while you fisted the material of his shirt in your hands-
Oh, you wanted to have a little fun? This was it, and it scared you to no end. You only took a few moments to inhale and memorise the musky notes of his scent before you drew back and made way to the exit without meeting eyes with him.
You couldnât face him when you werenât sure if you just wanted to play with him, use him or be with him.
â----------------------------
âIf that black fake dye wasnât obvious, your jumpiness is giving you away,â you commented when you spotted Hongjoong casting a wary glance at the poor teen who happened to cross your path. âYou can take off the cloak. Itâs just a library.â
âIf anyone recognises me here, it could get dangerous,â he muttered.
âItâs literally the library, relax,â you said, looking at Mingi for help but he seemed to be enjoying your bickering and raised his hands in surrender. âYouâre making it harder for me to concentrate. Mingi, can you accompany the Prince to the kidsâ section please?â
âDonât call me the Prince here- hey!â Hongjoong scowled, making Mingi stifle another snicker. âIâm not bothering you, okay? Read what you have to, Iâm just standing here.â
âI mean⌠you are making it a bit obvious,â Mingi started but shut up when the Prince shot him a dirty look. âAlright, letâs give the doctor some space so we can save some time. We donât have to go to the kidsâ section.â
You groaned in relief, silently thanking Mingi who was originally going to be your only companion on this trip to the library. It looked like the Princeâs aide had gotten used to whatever was going on with you two, or simply didnât care enough to question it. Perhaps he didnât dare to, which wouldnât be out of the ordinary. But you still had no idea why the Prince was here- did he have so much free time or was he shirking his duties? Why did the Princeâs aide not tell him this was a bad idea?
Whatever it was, you took your sweet time exploring everything on the royals- not just the medical related knowledge you were here for, but political history and uprisings, specifically. You were aware that things could take a very wrong turn and you wanted to be prepared for everything. You didnât want to be limited only by the knowledge the Master had allowed you to gain.Â
So when about two hours later you went to find Hongjoong and Mingi, you almost panicked when you couldnât spot them anywhere- but while frantically searching for them you heard low, oddly familiar giggles. You narrowed your eyes as you took two turns to find the Prince and his aide sitting on the floor side by side, pointing at crude images in the comic books-
In the kidsâ section.
You cleared your throat, but they only spared you a glance, snickering at something funny they read but remaining unmoving.Â
âYour Royal Highness,â you sighed. âItâs getting dark. We should go back to the castle.â
âLet me just finish this chapter,â Hongjoong wiped a fake tear from his eye while Mingi doubled over with laughter over something he read. You folded your arms, looking at them in utter disbelief.
This was the Prince you were supposed to put on the throne? This was the man the Master wanted you to kill?
You smiled to yourself at the sight of the two- you werenât sure the Prince would get to have such carefree moments in the future, so you let them take their time, making a mental note of whatever they were reading. When they finished the chapter, they got up and got back to being the stuck-up Prince and guarded aide duo, steering you towards the exit and into the carriage to go back to the castle.
The ride was mostly silent, all of you sorting your thoughts out. You agreed to meet up later tonight at one of the abandoned rooms that had become your rendezvous point now. For now, the Prince sneaked back to his room through one of the secret routes so no one would question why he was out looking like that with the royal physician, of all the people.
You were glad that you were busy for the rest of the evening with lab work and assisting the other doctors in the infirmary. You went to the royal chamber later at night for the routine checkup on the King, administering the lower ruby dose mixed with a little verita this time. There were some answers you needed, so you dismissed the nurse, saying she could take a breather while you talked to the King.
âHongjoong has been diligent lately. Itâs strange,â the King found himself pondering out loud.
âHas he not always been diligent?â You asked- the Prince was known to be too hardworking.
âItâs like he almost means it now,â the King admitted. âIt makes me rethink if Iâve been too harsh on him.â
âOr maybe heâs just preparing to take over more of your duties,â you carefully threw in the suggestion. âYou havenât been attending some of the meetings.â
âCould be,â he laughed, though it didnât sound happy. âWoobin is arriving next week- he could be preparing himself. Theyâre always clashing with each other whenever theyâre in the same room.â
âHmm⌠about that,â you began, knowing that the verita was working now. âWhat do you think about the attack on His Highness Woobin?â
âWhat is there to think?â The old man frowned. âThe Duke of Neverland has enemies just like all of us.â
âI was just wondering if you should look into which rebel group specifically planned the attack. It could be that insiders shared information and his travel route.â
The King thought for a moment, scratching the grey stubble on his face in thought. âYouâre right. Itâs either his men or one of ours.â
âYou know, I went to the city today,â you told him while rubbing the pressure points on his hand. âAnd I heard rumours- people are speculating the Prince might have had a hand in the Dukeâs attack. Itâs not a secret that you favour the Duke and might pass the hierarchy to him- the public does prefer your brother over your son.â
âAhâŚâ the old man frowned in thought. âCould this be the case?â
âTheyâre only rumours,â you shrugged. âNothing to worry about, really.â
But you had planted the seeds of worry and doubt in the King, strengthening his likening for the Duke. Once he would confront Hongjoong and demand answers or a confession to something he didnât do, the Princeâs hatred for his father and uncles would amplify.
And when that would happen, you would be there for the Prince. You would act as his sword when he would demand it, and shield him when he would need it. You would do all of that before turning at him.
But for nowâŚÂ
âHe really thinks Iâm not performing my duties properly?â
âYou donât have to sound so hurt- itâs not like he knows how hard you work,â you consoled the Prince. âHe would think youâre neglecting your duties but heâs coped up in his room all day. Heâs just being bitter.â
Hongjoong folded his arms and you shook your head at the way he was sulking, his frown deepening with each passing second. âHeâs never going to acknowledge me.â
âYou donât have to get acknowledged by him. Youâre the rightful owner of the crown. Neither the King nor his brothers should try to take that away from you.â
âYeah, well, sometimes Iâm tempted to give up too,â he confessed and your eyes widened in surprise. He looked away from you, the faint hues of the candlelight casting shadows at the cuts and creases of his face. âIâm driving myself to do something for this kingdom only to be remembered as a tyrant in the history books you love reading so much.â
Even though he had pretended not to care about having such a reputation for the rest of his life, you were a bit thrown off to learn that it was a genuine concern he harboured in his heart. Once again, you found yourself blurring the lines of what was supposed to be the boundary between your facade and the feelings in the deepest recesses of your heart.Â
âYou donât have to look at me like that,â he chuckled darkly. âI donât know why Iâm even saying this in the first place.â
âItâs okay to share,â you urged. âNo judgement here.â
âYeah, I might be a bit too honest in your presence,â he laughed, shaking his head. âYou know, while we were at the library and Mingi and I were reading those stupid books-â
âYou loved those stupid books-â
âNot the point, but I realised something,â Hongjoong sent you a warning glare to not interrupt him again and you sat straighter, crossing your legs that were dangling from the edge of the bed. âI realised that I rarely ever had moments where I was just⌠Hongjoong. Not the prince, not the crown prince.â
âJust Hongjoong looked a bit silly, Iâll admit.â
Hongjoong only smiled at that. You decided to do something about this- you did not like him seeing so quiet and sentimental.Â
âEven the greatest of warriors are called privileged by people who will never know what sacrifices they made so their kids live a better life than they did,â you said. âYou may think that youâre alone, but youâre not. Youâve got one loyal supporter right here,â you raised your hand and he let out a short laugh. âYou donât need to convince the world- or even your father- to see your true intentions. Not that they would appreciate it, now that I think about itâŚâ
Hongjoong laughed at that, resting his hand on his chest. âThat was a jab.â
âYeah, well, the world doesnât need to know you plan to get rid of the King so they can live a better life in the future,â you teased. âThey would be appalled to learn that.â
âYou should shut your mouth sometimes, darling. Youâre too loud,â he warned though he couldnât keep himself from smiling shamelessly.Â
Your eyes twinkled with curiosity and wonder- he really was just like you. You werenât the most moral person, you knew all too well- the Master had drained the morality out of you, but he-Â
He was here, in all his royal glory yet still just as ugly as you inside. He didnât attempt to hide it, rather wore it like a badge, though only those who really looked at him found who he truly was.
And that was what was so beautiful about him.
âArenât you glad to have me?â You teased. âI bet you canât talk to Mingi about this stuff. Does he know that youâre hiding something monstrous behind that pretty face?â
âHis only job is to help me with the royal duties,â he said. âHe doesnât need to know, but⌠Iâm sure heâs caught on. He doesnât seem to care, though.â
âYou should still be cautious.â
âYeah, I should be, shouldnât I?â The Prince leaned back on the chair he was sitting on, folding his arms as he cast a suspicious glance at you. âMaybe I should ask Mingi to get rid of you. You know too much.â
âOh, you want to shut me up so bad,â you rolled your eyes. âBut Iâm the only one whoâll dirty my hands for you.â
âWhy-â
âTalking about dirtying my hands,â you got up and bent down a bit to reach his height, running your fingers through the hair next to his temple and catching the remnants of the black dye on your palm. You showed him. âItâs so noticeable- you should have washed it out properly.â
The Prince didnât answer, his eyes guarded as he looked up at you though his mouth was parted almost expectantly. You frowned for a moment at the lack of his reaction before you realised-
He liked it.Â
You hesitated before curling your hand in his soft platinum hair again, caressing his scalp and then stifling a smirk when you tugged at his hair a bit harshly, making him crane his neck up to look at you, a soft chuckle escaping his mouth as he shut his eyes.
âYouâre playing a very dangerous game here, love.â
âStop me, then,â you challenged, not caring that you were going to risk everything. You positioned one leg on his thigh to lean your weight on him, your other hand going to grip the back of his neck. âI donât see you complaining, Prince.â
Hongjoong hooked one finger in the pearl necklace that you were always wearing, bringing you closer and you almost lost your balance, a little gasp leaving your mouth when you pressed against his chest for support. Hands still on his neck and in his hair, you tried leaning away but this time, he stilled you with his hands on your waist. He buried his nose in the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply.
âYou smell like chemicals, darling,â he breathed, pecking the skin where his lips met your neck. âAnd roses.â
âYou smell like cheap hair dye,â you said, resting your cheek against his head, his body shaking under you as he chuckled. âDonât ever wear that again.â
âYour wish is my command, princess,â he said and you froze again. He leaned back to scan your face. âWhy? You told me to not call you what I didnât mean.â
âYou donât mean that, though,â you told him, something incredibly sad starting to brew inside you.
âBut Iâm only ever honest with you,â he pleaded. âDonât you know that? If I wasnât, we wouldnât be here right now.â
You sighed at that, wishing you were anywhere else other than his fucking lap so your brain wouldnât have so much problem functioning, but it looked like for now, you were a lost cause. You caught the wetness from the outer corner of his left eye, wiping it down and smearing the black dye on his face in the process. He let you mark him and, mimicking what you had done the night you had warned him not to call him âprincessâ, he grabbed your palm and kissed it.
That was your last straw. You told yourself that you didnât care if the Prince was honest or deceiving you- you only cared about one thing- you needed him. You rested your cheek against his, trailing kisses down his temple to his jaw and rubbing the tip of your nose there, making him groan. He squeezed your hips encouragingly and that only prompted you to trail more kisses down his neck. You found one spot and alternated between kissing and sucking, drawing away after a few moments when he shifted under you, grinning at the forming bruise.
You marked the Prince like you owned him. And the thought of that alone was making you lightheaded.
You locked eyes with Hongjoong, seeing red- red for lust. Before you knew it, you both were leaning in, your lips meeting in a flurry as you snaked your hands back in his hair, gripping his head to keep him close as you kissed. He brought your body closer while he kissed you, switching from pecks to open-mouthed kisses when you fully rested on his lap, desire coursing through every cell in your body.
This was it. This was the man the Master had warned you to be wary of- the man who held you possessively yet carefully. The man who tugged at your bottom lip, prompting you to open your mouth so he could explore it with his tongue. The man who kissed you as if he had been starving for it- you didnât know about him but you sure had.Â
You couldnât bring yourself closer, bodies flush against each other as you made out for what seemed like an eternity before he got up, making you wrap your legs around his waist and then he dumped you on the old, somewhat dusty bed. You didnât care though. You brought him in too, keeping his core locked to yours with your legs, his hands fumbling to open the buttons of your gown- he might as well have torn them. He ripped the bodice of your gown apart, trailing his lips down your neck to your chest and resting his lips on the skin between your breasts.
âTired already?â You teased, making him chuckle against your chest. He ran his hands up your waist, tracing the curves of your chest before his palms met the bare skin on your shoulders and then he ran his hands down your arms almost lovingly, your smile changing to a gasp when he gripped your wrists tightly and pinned your arms above your head, almost glaring at you.
âYou talk too much, sweetheart.â
âDo I now?â you scoffed, letting him pin your wrists with one hand while the other drew your dress away from your chest to reveal your perked up nipples, the cold making you shiver a bit. He cupped one of your breasts in one hand while kissing and sucking around the other, making your back arch against his body. The way he kissed you was too much- it looked like he intended to devour you. You could feel how turned on he was when he started rocking his body against yours, his hard bulge pressing against your core and making you stifle moans until he purposely pressed harder, finally earning a loud one from you.
âThatâs what youâve been wanting all this time, havenât you?â Hongjoong whispered in your ear, nibbling at your earlobe and making you squirm. âOnly wanting to get in my good graces to get fucked by me.â
âYeah, well, if I had known this was going to happen,â you said, out of breath. âI would have done something sooner.â
He chuckled at that, pressing a sweet kiss to your mouth and drawing back, looking you in the eyes before kissing you deeper. He let you take off his shirt, discarding it on the floor. He let you run your hands on his bare upper body repeatedly, let you help him take off your dress and his pants until you were both left in just your undergarments. He let you take control for just a while when you got on top of him, settling on his lap and admiring his physique.Â
His hands rested on your hips, playing with the waistband of your panties, tempted to do something about that too, but for now, he watched you watch him with desire in your eyes. He was surprised to find you so needy yet each touch felt controlled, almost calculated. He didnât care though- it was already pleasurable enough to drive him insane. He had never let anyone take control of the pace like you did, so he was looking forward to what you were going to do with him.
And he was glad that he let you- you wrapped your hand around his neck experimentally before you bent down to kiss him, loving the way his kisses now became restrained as you controlled his air intake. You swallowed his moans in your kisses, not noticing how tightly he was squeezing your hips until he spanked you once, making you laugh as you drew back.
âDo you have a death wish?â He asked, voice raspy.
âMaybe?â You pecked his cheek.
That was enough- he flipped your bodies to get on top of you, shaking his head before trailing kisses down your chest and then looking at you, watching your expressions when he brought his hand between your legs and brushed one finger against the wet patch on your panties.
âSoaked already, and weâve just begun.â
âJust begun?â You asked, mouth suddenly dry though the thought of what was next sent a new wave of arousal through your body. Hongjoong snickered at your reaction, wasting no time to pull your panties down, licking his lips at the sight of your drenched core. You kicked him away lightly before taking off your panties and he ran his hands up your thighs-
Pausing when he felt marred skin on his palm and cold washed over you when you realised that he hadnât noticed the small marks and scars that littered through your body earlier in the faint light- but now, his eyes stopped at each one that he detected.
âAre you going to explain this?â
âRough childhood,â you muttered- not the entire truth, but close. âMost of these are from how reckless I was, though. Nothing to worry about.â
Hongjoong passed you a look that said that he didnât buy it, but he didnât probe. Instead, he kissed every mark and every scar that he found on your thighs before spreading your legs and circling your clit with his thumb, now sporting a devilish smile. You bit your lips- if the emotions from him treating you so tenderly were too much just now, this was a lot. It felt more intimate and personal than anything you had ever experienced.Â
âLook at you, y/n,â he called your name- a rare occurrence. âLook at you.â
Before you could respond, he sank one finger inside you quite easily, groaning at how tightly your walls hugged him. You shut your eyes, back arching in pleasure when he curled it inside and slipped another finger- he really did intend to fuck you, and you were going to take it.
âGood girl,â he muttered, meeting your mouth in a wet kiss. You tried to clench your thighs, overwhelmed by the pleasure you got from his fingers curling and opening inside you but he locked your thighs to the bed with his knees, making out with you while his fingers fucked you. Your breathing got unsteady and he knew you were approaching your orgasm which was when he let your legs free, your hips moving of their own accord, rocking against his palm.
âGod, youâre insane,â he growled in your ear, slipping his fingers out of you and you almost sobbed at the lack of them inside you, though when he watched his soaked fingers in amusement and licked them to get a taste, you felt shivers in your entire body. He hummed in approval.
âDo something,â you begged but he laughed mockingly. When you shot him a glare, he nodded slowly.
âWhatever you sayâŚâ he brought his mouth so close to your core that his lips brushed your aching clit. âPrincess.â
Before you could react, he grabbed your thighs to keep them apart, licking a stripe up your wet folds and circling his tongue around your clit. You saw stars, your orgasm fastly approaching once again and all he had to do was dive his tongue inside you and press his thumb on your clit before your orgasm came like a crash, making you want to curl in on yourself but you couldnât even do that because he restrained you, so you only writhed in his hold in pleasure while he made out with your sopping wet cunt.
âToo much,â you tried to stop him. âLet me breathe, Prince.â
âOh, Iâm not done with you,â he told you almost casually. âYou have yet to have me inside you.â
âOh, god,â you breathed. âPlease.â
He snickered at that. âSuch a slut for me, arenât you?â
âOnly for you,â you looked at him. âOnly for you⌠my King.â
âOh, no, no,â he shook his head repeatedly. âYou did not just say that.â
âKing,â you got up to snake your arms around his neck. âMy King. You like being called that?â
He did- it was obvious because he crashed his lips against yours, passionately kissing you and drawing back only to take off his undergarment, not even giving you a moment to appreciate the sight before pushing you down and sinking his throbbing cock inside you, though he was gracious enough to be slow with it so you could adjust. Once he was fully inside you, he remained there unmoving, pulling you up by your shoulders to resume your original position when you kissed him.Â
You sat on top of him, whispering the title he craved so badly again and again as you exchanged deep, passionate kisses. He called you princess, called you his queen and you returned the favour. His cock twitched inside you and when he couldnât take it anymore, he pushed you back on the bed and started thrusting into you, your breaths mingling as your bodies rocked against each other. You told him that you were on contraceptives and he was free to mark your walls if he wanted to, and he bit your shoulder in answer, squeezing your nipples as his motions became unsteady and he jerked wildly against you, his warm cum spreading inside you.Â
You kept him close, keeping him going and he thrust through his orgasm until you came as well, burying your face in his chest as both your moans mingled and filled the air in the room. When he finally stilled, he collapsed next to you.
âYou plan to kill me, donât you?âÂ
For a moment, your heart sank and you wondered if a confession had slipped through your mouth in the heat of the moment, or if he had really managed to peek inside your mind. But when he chuckled, you realised he meant it differently.
âSays you,â you smacked his arm and he brought you closer, kissing your forehead, the both of you unable to meet eyes for a moment as you attempted to conceal the truth and the guilt that accompanied it.
â--------------------------------
The Duke of Neverland- Prince Woobin- arrived two days earlier than schedule, setting off a mild frenzy in the castle as preparations to welcome him fell short, guardsâ and soldiersâ rotations shifted, more medical staff got stationed in the infirmary and the kitchen-
Well, the kitchen probably got the worst of it. Though dinner went by smoothly, the staff was overworked and while you were passing by, you overheard a funny conversation about how Prince Woobinâs handsomeness and gentle nature made their efforts worth it.
You supposed you could relate to the sentiment- the Prince wasnât very old but sure was ageing like fine wine. He was the tallest of them and had strong features just like Hongjoong, though Hongjoong was on the prettier side. The Duke was just as clever as he could be, and he was clearly ambitious especially when it came to the throne and its duties.
And⌠he intended to let the King know.
âWonderland is unstable right now, brother,â Prince Woobin insisted. âWhat the other kingdoms need to see is that our royalty wonât collapse and weâll stay united and put a strong front.â
There. He was definitely on to something.
âYouâre right,â the King nodded, sighing deeply. âI will hold the coronation soon- Iâd like it if I can see it happen while Iâm alive. I know Iâm no longer fit to run this kingdom.âÂ
He wasnât, and you had made sure of that. You were just waiting for the right timing. You felt sorry that the King wouldnât see his last wish come true but you were sure he would watch from above. That was something you were going to believe for his sake.
âI donât mean that youâre not fit,â Prince Woobin squeezed the Kingâs arm gently. âBut your health is not the best, and itâs better to announce the next in line in your life. I know Hongjoong is your son and very capable of running the kingdom, but I still stand by the fact that heâsâŚâ
The King sent his brother an amused look. âYou thought the same about me when I was about to ascend the throne. I didnât do a bad job, and Iâm sure Hongjoong wonât either. He will feel very wronged if I pass the throne to you, and you know that. The crown is rightfully his.â
âThink about the people,â the Prince whispered and then cast a wary glance at you but you pretended you really could hear nothing except the scratching of the pen as you noted tonightâs readings. It was too bad that you were done and couldnât continue to listen to their conversation anymore. With a bow to the two and a reminder to the King to take his morning walk, you left the room. You didnât notice the Crown Prince around though you shared a wave with his aide.Â
To your surprise- or you supposed you should have gotten used to the sight now- the Prince was lying on his stomach on your bed, reading the same comic book that he had been reading in the public library that day with Mingi. You, for some reason you were still wondering about, had one of your acquaintances in the castle purchase those books and anything related to it when they went to town. You kept these books in your room- it wouldnât be appropriate if the Crown Prince was caught slacking because he stayed up all night laughing over some silly dialogue in those books.
âWhile youâre here reading about some fourteen year olds fighting over a girl, your uncle is trying to coax the King into passing the throne to him.â
âNothing new,â Hongjoong muttered, not looking away from the book. âIâll be having a meeting with him before the ball. What weâll do next depends on his answer.â
You settled your bag on the chair and went to the vanity to take off your necklace and rings. âAre you going to ask him?â
âNo point beating around the bush, but it will be in the presence of my father and others,â Hongjoong looked up momentarily, meeting your eyes through the reflection in the mirror. âIf he admits he wants to get crowned, Iâll have to prove that heâs not fit for it.â
âHow?â You turned to look at him.
âHow do you think?â He asked, âIâm curious to learn how you would handle this.â
âYouâre thinking of bringing up the Neverland Accords, arenât you?â You asked and he nodded, not surprised that you figured it out. âThatâs the one thing the Duke regrets doing. The one blemish on his career.â
âIt destabilised the western region. By giving in to the demands of the refugees, he gave birth to a group of people with such hatred towards the monarchy that they became rebels. They left their families for the cause. I believe notorious rebel groups like the black pirates or bluebirds who were cooperating with my ancestors became restless because of this agreement.â
So he knew about the bluebirds- everyone who worked in the castle knew for security reasons, but he knew the history and the reasons. A few of them. And he believed that the Neverland Accords, which were about fifteen years old, might be why your rebel group was restless now. You wished you could tell him that it was much older and sinister than that. You wished you could tell him that the Master wasnât just one person but a network of leaders over time.
And when you caught yourself thinking about this, you almost dropped the comb in your hand. Thankfully, the Prince was too busy reading his book while you tried to form an answer.
âWell⌠I suppose that might be true,â you managed to say. âI have something we can add to that.â
âAnd what might that be?â
You let your hair flow freely now, ruffling it a little before you walked towards the bed, the Princeâs hand inviting and prompting you to sit near him. You leaned in and told him your part of the plan in hushed whispers and he looked at you a few times to make sure this wasnât a joke.
âI told you,â you held his chin in your hand, gaze stuck on his parted lips. âI told you I would kill for you. I came up with something even better instead. No one will suspect the royal physician, Prince.â
âBecause you serve the King?â
âBecause I serve humanity,â you said, the chuckle that suddenly left your mouth turning into a low laugh and Hongjoong frowned at that- while your plan was nothing short of a genius plan, a quiet voice in his head beckoned him to question how a royal physician- a doctor- was able to scheme like this.Â
But for now, your hand casually resting against his thigh as you laughed was distracting. Your red, plump lips were distracting. The books you got him and the key to your room that you gave him were distracting him. The way you accepted who he was- the dark parts and even the sillier ones- that was distracting.Â
Hongjoong started sharing that laugh, shaking his head at you. âNow Iâm really hoping the Prince begs for the throne.â
âI wonât let anyone look at whatâs yours,â you promised him, gladly letting him sit you on his lap, his book long forgotten by his side. âYou can count on me.â
âWhy are you doing this, y/n?â He wondered, his hands going under your dress to rest on your bare thighs. âWhat do you get out of this?â
âI told you-â
âWhy are you really doing this?â He asked, an almost dangerous glint in his eyes. âDo you want me to crown you too?â
âNo,â you sighed. âI couldnât be less interested in the crown. Iâm interested in what youâll do for my career,â you lied, deciding to add a sprinkle of something honest in there when you said, âAnd if I can be with you like this without the crown or the heavy title, Iâm content. But you must know that Iâve only had this change of heart recently.âÂ
âYou could ask me to crown you and I might do just that,â Hongjoong offered, looking up at you with adoration but you could see that he was calculating behind that facade.Â
âAh, now youâre tempting me,â you smiled slyly. âDoes the crown guarantee that youâll look at me like this every night? That youâll always fuck me like you actually mean it?â
âI do, though,â he admitted and your smile fell.Â
You were aware that Hongjoong only cooperated with you because he obeyed what you told him- to use you as a tool. However⌠had he caught feelings along the way? Or was this just another of his grand schemes- to have you lower your guard? You were still half sure that he was going to get rid of you once he was crowned, but now he was offering you something that you thought about only in your wildest dreams.
If you grabbed on to this opportunity⌠if you could be the queen of Wonderland, you would have more power than the Master. You could make better decisions for the bluebirds. You wouldnât even have to end the monarchy- you could have the Prince agree to your terms. You knew that the Prince wasnât an unreasonable man and he would understand if you participated in politics actively if you became the queen and he, the king. He would listen to you and probably even give you better advice- he cared for the kingdom to prosper, as did the bluebirds, soâŚ
Did you really have to kill him? You could just rule with him and use him to achieve the bluebirdsâ agendas. You could accomplish so, so much-
âCat got your tongue?â He teased and you shook your head, pushing down the train of thought for now.
âYouâre offering a royal physician the burden of the crown. Of course Iâm speechless,â you said. âBut⌠heavy is the head that wears the crown.â
âThe rubies would suit you, though,â he grinned and you laughed at that.Â
âWeâll talk about this when youâre actually the King,â you told him. âFor now, Iâm content being where I am. I desire power, not the crown. The crown doesnât necessarily guarantee power.â
âI think youâd make a nice queen, though,â Hongjoong rested his back against the bedpost, getting your hair away from your shoulders to plant sweet kisses along your collarbone. âThough Iâd always be worried if you would poison me or use some drug to make me bend to your will.â
âYouâre venomous enough as you are,â you scoffed. âAll that bitterness inside you will kill you one day. Besides, I donât need to use a drug to make you get on your knees. Youâve been doing that pretty often anyway.â
Hongjoong gave you a challenging look and you knew what was going to come next. Especially when his hand came to rest around your throat and he used that to get you off his lap and on the floor.
On your knees.
âLetâs change that now, shall we?â
You only smirked in answer, obeying, and while it was pleasurable enough to be on your knees for the future king, the thing he offered you only heightened your drive and made you sure-
That now, even if it was for one day, you wanted the Prince to rule.
And you wanted to be by his side this time.
â-----------------------------
There sure was something in the air tonight.Â
Tonight, the Royal Ball took place in the honour of the Dukeâs arrival to the castle in the form of a masquerade party. There were many honourable guests from Wonderland and a few from the neighbouring nations as well. The theme was ruby, which you thought was very ironic. You could see red everywhere- in the costumes, in the flowers that decorated the Hall, and in the wine that filled everyoneâs glasses.Â
The sound of violins and pianos was adorning the air with notes of excitement and vibrancy. The beat of the footsteps of the dancers in the middle of the hall melded along with the music, prompting the audience to synchronise with their claps or their heartbeats. Laughter and chatter flowed freely in the air along with the bubbles from the drinks the waiters and waitresses poured endlessly. The smell of something floral and musky overwhelmed your senses. It was a clash of perfumes, but if you stationed yourself near one of the windows or the tables with refreshment, the earthy smell of the air and the ever-familiar smell of food would wash over a wave of calm over you.
And you kind of needed that right now, because there sure was all of that in the air tonight, but there was also a wave of palpable calculation. Every look and every touch meant something tonight. Every word was said with caution. Every step someone took towards someone else meant something. And sure, this was just how royal events were, but tonight was special.
Tonight, there was an invisible web of deception and lies hovering above the Hall, waiting to trap its prey at the right moment. Though your prey was one- or two, if you were lucky- there could be more who would get caught by the spider. All you had to do was wait.
You watched the spider- the Crown Prince- looking absolutely ravishing in a deep red embellished coat over a black shirt and pants that matched the embroidery on the jacket. Most of his face was concealed by the extravagant black mask that he wore, the red feathers of it creating quite a contrast with his platinum hair that was styled away from his face. He might be unrecognisable at first glance but you could spot him anywhere. He always stood out to you.
Your eyes scanned the crowd again to find the tall Duke who had been attempting to mingle with anyone of importance throughout the whole night. That man was full of energy and the dark part in your heart wished to bathe him in eternal darkness as soon as possible. However, patience was the key.Â
You had to keep reminding yourself that- that you had to be patient and that you couldnât stray from your path no matter how tempting the road might seem. But you couldnât deny the fact that being physical with Hongjoong and all his offers were making you incredibly selfish and greedy and clouding your judgement. You were confused, and you wished you could meet the Master or even one of the bluebirds to have yourself reminded of why you were doing this, but with each passing day, the final destination started appearing murkier.
For now, though, you just wanted this night to go smoothly. You got busy when some of the royal physicians from the Dukeâs court found you, and your chat with them was quite interesting. However, you kept stealing glances at the Prince. He was now on the floor dancing with someone in an overly fluffy bright red dress and it left the sour taste of jealousy in your mouth. You decided to take a chance and joined hands with the first available partner on the dance floor who introduced himself as one of the Dukeâs men.Â
You rotated around the dance floor and switched partners twice before you found yourself in Hongjoongâs arms. The smirk he had on his lips made your knees feel weak.
âCouldnât stay away from me, could you?â He asked, twirling you around once. âI could feel your eyes on me all night long, darling.â
âCanât resist you,â you teased, bringing your hand closer to his neck than was necessary considering you were dancing. âYouâve been enjoying mingling too much without me.â
âWell, itâs a risky move but since everyoneâs so busy dancing, you can get away with it,â Hongjoong told you, glancing at the upper section of the Hall where the King sat with a few of his friends. âHowever⌠I canât wait to take this pretty dress off. You have no idea how irresistible you look tonight, love.â
You smiled at that- you had made a little more effort dressing up tonight than usual. The black silk dress might be plain but it hugged your curves in just the right way. There was a slit in the leg and you were wearing maroon heels, one of them with a matching ribbon that was tied up and around your leg in an intricate pattern, the bow situated right below the slit of the dress. You wore a red mask that covered half your face and extended towards your other eye as well.Â
âYou look quite charming too,â you said. âRed really is your colour.â
âRed looks like your colour,â the Prince said, pointing his eyes in the direction of the red ruby earrings you were wearing- a gift from the Prince himself for tonight. âI told you- the rubies suit you.â
Before you could respond to that, he squeezed your waist before rotating to switch partners once again, and you were left with those words playing in your head for the rest of the night- but you didnât have to wait long. As soon as the dances ended and everyone started drinking or leaving for the night, you caught the Prince nodding at you before exiting the Hall and you started following him through the very empty corridors, making sure no one would catch you together.
You saw him go inside one of the abandoned rooms you had used in your early days to meet up and when you went inside and shut the door, Hongjoong was on you in a moment, cupping your masked face and kissing the exposed part of your lips which had to be a struggle because when he drew back, he had your red lipstick smeared across his own lips.
And the sight of that made you physically weak but Hongjoong was quick to hold you with a laugh.
âAlready on your knees for me?â He commented and you smacked his chest, taking off your mask and his so you could finally kiss him properly. You broke apart for air and rested your head on his shoulder.
âItâs been a while.â
It had been about five days. The first three days got you anxious enough to want to contact his aide to see if the Prince really was busy or just avoiding you, but then he had the rubies delivered to your room. You wore them that night and looked at your reflection for the longest time, wondering how you would look in a matching crown.
âYeah, it has been,â Hongjoong said, sweetly kissing your temple and then lifting your face by your chin to kiss you again, his tongue sliding in at the first opportunity. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he pushed you against the door, his hand going to grab your thigh and bringing it up so he could press himself to you, lazily playing with the ribbon wound around it.
You broke apart for air, brushing your noses teasingly. âMissed me?â
âOh, yes,â he said, âI have quite a few updates.â
âAnd so have I,â you grinned. âYou first?â
âWell,â Hongjoong began, his hand on your thigh travelling to the inner side, drawing your panties away to slide his fingers along your wet folds. âThe meeting was a success for me. Prince Woobin admitted he would like my crown, and my court was not happy with it. I brought up the Neverland Accords and that made him lose his temper. Good thing the King witnessed that.â
âAh, thatâs good,â you said, which came out more as a moan when he slipped a digit inside you, rubbing your clit in slow strokes with his thumb. âIs that why heâs been trying so hard to get in everyoneâs good graces tonight?â
Hongjoong took a moment to respond, too busy trailing kisses down your neck and along your shoulders, drawing the straps of the half-sleeve dress away. âSurely. He has no idea whatâs coming for him.â
âAbout that,â you rocked your hips against his hand when he inserted another finger inside, resting your head back against the door. âThe King mentioned something about his fatherâs illness being similar to his own. I took the opportunity to tell him about ruby.â
âWhat do you mean?â Hongjoong paused and you gave him a warning look, prompting him to continue thrusting his fingers inside you.
âI mean,â you breathed, curling into his body when you could feel the familiar buildup of an orgasm. âI tricked him. I told him that I was instructed to use an opium compound by the Dukeâs royal physicians- which is true, by the way, I discussed the medical side of it with him in the earlier days- ah.â
Hongjoong smirked when you squeezed your eyes shut as he slowed his pace. He was playing with you and it always drove you mad and he loved seeing you in that state.
âSo I told him that I was suspicious about ruby and requested the Prince- you- to let me access the private library so I could check if this was the right drug to use. And then I- Hongjoong!â
You moaned loudly when he pressed your clit, the orgasm crashing over you suddenly and with a force that had you gripping at him for dear life. Hongjoong helped you recover from it, rubbing your clit in slow circles and caressing your cheek as you shuddered before he picked you up in his arms and brought you to the couch, looking up at you.
âSay that again.â
âWhat?â
âSay my name,â he commanded and you brought your face next to his to whisper his name in his ear. He groaned at that, making quick work of unfastening his belt and you barely had time- and the strength- to take off your panties before he had you sit on his hard cock, easily sliding in.
âNow talk.â
You gave him a look, your walls clenching around him at the way he ordered you and he scoffed. âUh⌠where was I?â
âLibrary.â
âRight,â you tried moving but he gripped your hips, making you sit still and you gave up. âSo I told him that I found something suspicious in the library which is making me suspect that Prince Woobin had a hand in the late Kingâs death. Because it was Prince Woobinâs royal physician who was aware of this opium compound, who also happens to be the mentee of the Late Kingâs dead doctor.â
âAhâŚâ Hongjoong nodded. âSo my father knows that Iâm aware of this?â
âI told him that Iâve addressed my suspicions to you and youâre investigating the matter.â
âSo when I finally tell him that Iâm suspecting the Duke-â
âHe will believe you because heâs already heard from me, and Iâm his doctor,â you grinned. âI canât be lying to him about this- and Iâve been lowering his dose slowly anyway so he thinks that Iâm trying to get him off this medication without adverse effects.â
âAnd why are you lowering it? I thought you were going to kill him with ruby?â
âI found a better alternative,â you smirked. âOne that would make it look more natural than ruby. And do you know what I call it?â
âWhat?â
âSilver Light,â you kissed the top of his head. âLike the colour of your hair.â
Hongjoong laughed at that, shaking his head and gladly meeting your lips in a kiss that quickly got heated and prompted him to thrust his cock inside you deeply and you quickly returned the sentiment, bouncing on top of him and matching his energy.
âYouâre insane,â he told you, sucking at your bottom lip. âWith this, the Duke will finally be out of my way.â
âWhat about the Duke of Mist- Prince Woojin?â You asked, tugging at his hair which always turned him on.
âAn accomplice, maybe,â Hongjoong breathed and you knew he was close. âHeâll be exiled but only after he watches his brother get executed.â
âHow fun,â you licked a spot on his neck before kissing there. âCalls for a feast.â
âOh, Iâll have one right here,â Hongjoong looked down at your joined cores, rolling his hips along yours. âSay my name, princess.â
You were so close. You joined your foreheads as he took control of the pace and you called his name in soft whispers again and again until he was spilling inside you, until his warmth covered you and made you become undone in his arms once again.
And when the two of you laughed maniacally, you decided it.
You were not going to give him up. Not like this- not like the Master wanted you to.
You would take your sweet time. You would have him satisfy your desire like this for as long as he was under your control. You would have him fill you up, have him mark your skin just like he was doing now, have him call you princess, or queen, or whatever the fuck he wanted to. You would wear the ruby crown he loved so much. You would sit on his lap while he sat on the throne.
You only hoped the tugging at your heart was for the desire for all of that instead of the desire to be looked at with love.
â--------------------------------
The past week had been nothing short of eventful and chaotic, to put it simply.
With the King suspecting his brother which bled in his interactions, making the Duke wonder if the King had made up his mind to crown his son, he started trying to reason with the King. His method was the same as Hongjoongâs- to dig up dirt on the Prince and tell the King of his shortcomings. However, the Duke was not aware that he was being suspected of treason, and there was no bigger sin than treason for the King. How could a son kill his own father?Â
The King found himself thinking about the reason a lot. He mentioned it when you slipped verita into his drug. He asked you if it was common for a child to kill his parents.
âUnheard of,â you told him. âDepends on the circumstances, I guess. When you have power, youâll be targeted by anyone and everyone- it wouldnât matter if theyâre blood relations.â
âSometimes I wish I was a farmer,â the King laughed in disappointment. âI could have lived a good life.â
âThey have their own set of troubles,â you told him. âThey worry about how to feed their wife and kids. They worry about having too many mouths to feed but then find themselves with even more. And then they do worse things than kill their children and live with the guilt.â
âWhatâs worse than death?â
âI guess youâll know soon,â you shrugged and he passed you a side-eye. âIf your brother really had a hand in your fatherâs death⌠whatever you do next would make you think back to this moment.â
The grief the King felt was clear, and it became even worse when Hongjoong, as per his fatherâs request, finally concluded the investigation and found the Duke of Neverland, Prince Woobin, guilty of the late Kingâs murder with the Duke of Mist, Prince Woojin, a suspected accomplice.Â
Tonight, Prince Woobin was going to get hanged in the square within the castle walls. The kingdom was in an uproar with his supporters crowding the streets and making home outside the castle walls. Many believed he was being wronged because apart from the Neverland Accords, his career had been pretty remarkable. If you were objective, he was probably fit to run this kingdom too. Prince Hongjoong might be a skilled leader but he still lacked a few important qualities that the people wanted in their future king, such as empathy. You werenât one to say though, when you had orchestrated this whole plan.
The Duke of Mist Island, Prince Woojin, was choosing to remain silent. It was probably because if he spoke in the favour of Prince Woobin, the suspicions of him being an accomplice would sound true. While the kingdom was outraged, the current king and prince werenât void of supporters. By choosing to remain silent, he would only get exiled until proven guilty or innocent. He had to think of himself.
One thing was clear to everyone, though. The monarchy was falling apart and it was causing a palpable sense of restlessness. The Kingâs health was declining at a rapid rate now and his heart was weaker- it was grief that was doing your job for you. Prince Hongjoong was trying his best to keep things calm and so far, he had it under control. It looked like he would soon earn the favour of the majority with his uncles out of the picture. The people had no other choice.
You were stationed at the Kingâs side, next to his retired aide- an old man who came to be with the King at this difficult moment. You needed to be here in case the King suddenly felt unwell- after all, he was going to witness his little brother get executed.
Hongjoong was seated on the other side and every time that he glanced at the King to make sure if he was alright, he would meet your eyes. You exchanged no signals, though. Tonight, you had hundreds of eyes trained on you. If anyone caught you sharing eye contact, they would simply think the Prince was worried about his father and was making sure that the doctor was alert. If he was doing this consciously, you had to commend his acting.
Prince Woobinâs face was covered with a black cloth as he entered the square, being walked by the guards who held his chained arms. You looked across the square to find his royal physician whose licence was revoked for medical negligence on the basis that he was aware of rubyâs effects- and possibly, how it was used for the murder of the late King. The fact that he had done nothing about it and encouraged you to use it instead made his position worse. You talked to the King and told him that revoking his licence was enough since nobody could have guessed that ruby was dangerous without referring to the royal archives in the private library.Â
The guards made Prince Woobin kneel in front of the King, though a level and quite a distance separated the brothers. His mask was taken off, revealing the Duke in a ghastly state. His eyes were sunken though they harboured pure hatred for the people who were wrongly blaming him. The fire burning from the torch illuminated one side of his face, casting deep shadows on the other.
âYour Majesty!â Prince Woobinâs voice boomed through the area, earning startled gasps from the crowd. âBrother dear! I urge you to reconsider and reinvestigate.â
The King sighed deeply. âAll the evidence points to you. You plotted to kill me the same way you killed my father.â
âHe was my father too, and I would never do that. I may have been after the crown since long ago, but it was never my intention to get my hands bloody along the way. Iâm not like this, and you know that.â
âDo I?â The King asked himself, ignoring his brotherâs plea of innocence.Â
Hongjoong got up this time and his uncle looked at him with such distaste in his eyes that you almost got worried. âYour services to the Kingdom of Wonderland are appreciated. However, you are guilty of treason and murder of the late King, an unforgivable act. We must set an example, however much it pains us.â
Prince Woobin only scoffed in response and spat on the ground, causing the crowd to shift uncomfortably. Prince Hongjoong, however, remained unfazed.Â
âAny last words?â
âYes,â the Duke stood up, standing tall in front of everyone. âYou will regret this. Tonight marks the beginning of the end.â
The King rested his head in his hands, overcome with emotions and you asked him if he was feeling alright, even though it was obvious that he was not. You looked at Hongjoong and he stood in front of his father, blocking his view.
âI- I canât watch this,â the King wiped his eyes.
âIt has to happen in your presence- you know the rules,â Prince Hongjoong rubbed his fatherâs back. âIâll cover you.â
Prince Hongjoong signalled the executioners to begin and the crowd fell eerily silent as the Duke was led to the gallows. The air felt grim and the Dukeâs footsteps were heavy. Though he looked pale when his gaze settled on the blade that was to decapitate his head, he settled on the lunette with a sense of resignation and finality.Â
The executionerâs words went over your head. All you could see and hear was red. Red for lies, red for deception and red for death. The bladeâs drop was swift and silent but whatever sound it made was masked by the fear and warning delivered as a message through this execution.
The King left immediately after and you followed after him, sharing one last look with Hongjoong whose head was held higher than ever. Perhaps, the burden of the crown was starting to feel lighter on his head. You wished you could kiss his head at that moment and tell him that it was going to get easier from here.
However, it looked like you did not need to. That night, when you went to find the Prince in one of the abandoned rooms, you found them empty. Wondering if he was in your room- or his own room- you started going back towards the residential area but the faint sound of music caught your attention. If it had been any other day, you would have ignored it but something prompted you to investigate.
In one of the storage rooms that held old musical instruments, the room that was once an active class, was the Crown Prince shaking his arms in the air like a maestro, playing an invisible instrument to the music blasting off the gramophone. You remained frozen in the doorway, watching him dance like a maniac to whatever was going on in his head. His movements quickened as the music reached the crescendo and they both crashed down in harmony with the Prince twirling and laughing loudly to himself.
Was he that happy? Was he this pleased now that he was sure that he would be ascending the throne? Strangely enough, the words of your Master started feeling substantial. He wasnât wrong when he told you why the Crown Prince wasnât fit for the crown, and you were only realising it now in its full weightage.
The Crown Prince was a madman, blinded by the desire for power and nothing else. He would do anything to have his way. He was celebrating being one step closer to the throne even though the path was marred by blood now. Did he really think you were his equal? Of course not, he was a royal. But did he think you were someone significant in his life now that things were shifting between you two, or had he taken your words too seriously? Were you still just a tool to him? And would he use you even if it meant he had to crown you?
You decided to leave him be for the night, going back to your room to send a message to the Master and make preparations for the final hurdle-
The King.
â--------------------------
If you were honest, you had imagined the Prince choking you far too many times.Â
You imagined it would be a result of a spontaneous sequence of events- perhaps, while he kissed you and his hand went around your neck instead of cupping the side like he usually did, he would realise you might have a thing for getting choked. Maybe he would even hear you moan in response and look in your eyes to confirm if you liked it.
Or perhaps, it could be a consequence of a heated moment, such as him on top of you and thrusting relentlessly into you, recognising that you were inches away from an orgasm, and right when your body would arch and jerk as it crashed over you, he would squeeze the sides of your neck to heighten it further. You thought he would make you see stars or something even better.
However, being pinned to the wall by both his hands around your neck, his thumbs pressing your larynx threateningly and making you physically choke in pain was not it. His eyes bore into yours, dripping with venom and you tried smacking his hands away but it didnât work.
âDid you do it?â
You stopped struggling for a moment, confused, before your features softened. Hongjoong watched with a frown but when he heard your raspy chuckle, he gave you a warning look but your laugh only got louder, making you cough because of his hold on your neck.
âYouâre welcome⌠Your Majesty.â
It had been only a few days since the Dukeâs execution. The King was having a hard time coming to terms with his brotherâs blood on his hands. He may have bought your lies when you insisted that the Duke had a hand in the late Kingâs death, but he must have been suspecting tampering of evidence or something worse since he actually got out of his room and went to the private library to conduct his own investigation.
You had luckily lowered the ruby dosage to the minimum and the King was aware that you couldnât have replaced it with something right away- it might have caused some side-effects. While the King did not suspect you, only commending you for caring about his health, his son received the scepticism in your stead. The King was beginning to feel more wary of Hongjoong and it was becoming obvious to everyone around them. It didnât help that Hongjoong was doing absolutely nothing to help his case.Â
You had successfully completed the first part of your mission, but there was no word from the Master. Had bluebirds abandoned you? All you needed was a signal to proceed with the rest of the plan. Could it be that they somehow peeked inside your heart and discovered the true motives behind why you were cooperating with them?Â
You were anxious, and that was not good. It didnât help that the Prince was incredibly busy now that Prince Woobinâs post as the Duke of Neverland was empty. The Duke of Mist had just negotiated for his life and the King had stopped Hongjoong from taking any further steps related to that matter for the time being. It was getting messier and you were realising that the Princeâs besetting sin might be his emotions and unquenchable thirst for more. While he was fully capable of making rational decisions and was doing his best to appear innocent, he could not hide how much fun he was having handling the matters that were once handled by the late Duke.
And the King may be old and ill, but he was not blind. He suspected Hongjoong, and while he was not stupid, he was too trusting of those around him and that led him to ask you what you thought about the situation. You were thrown off by the question.
âI feel like Iâve made a mistake. Itâs weighing on my heart and it will take my life sooner than expected.â
âBut why do you feel so?â You asked. âI know that the registers were not substantial evidence but the circumstancesâŚâ
âI know,â he nodded. âIt seems odd that the royal physician was aware of rubyâs role in my fatherâs death yet remained shut. I wonder why. Could he have a hand in wrongly accusing Woobin?â
It was then that you realised- Prince Woobinâs physician might have been a member of the bluebirds too. That made more sense than the doctor knowing rubyâs effects and letting them slide when you consulted him for the King- no doctorâs moral code would allow that.Â
âBut if you think Prince Woobin was innocent and the doctor acted on his own, that would mean heâs serving someone else.â
âYeah, well,â the King shrugged. âWouldnât put past my son to have a hand in it. Heâs been far too giddy ever since he got that thorn out of his side.â
You stifled a smile at that. âIsnât he simply carrying out his duties?â
âYes, thatâs true. But he doesnât have to look happy about it, does he? Even if Iâm wrong and heâs simply doing his jobâŚâ the King faltered, coughing violently and you passed him a handkerchief. He wiped his mouth, smearing the piece of cloth with blood. âI can only imagine how happy he will be when I finally die.â
âHeâs still your son,â you chided gently. âYouâre his father. You can confront him about this if itâs bothering you so much, Your Majesty. This is clearly taking a toll on your health- I should look for other drugs-â
âNo,â the King shook his head. âNo more drugs. Thatâs enough. My time is near and I should not run away.â
âYes, Your Majesty,â you pleaded. âBut you donât have to be in pain as you walk towards your inevitable death. Painkillers?â
The King chuckled at that. âYouâre a brilliant doctor, y/n. I hope Hongjoong takes good care of you after Iâm gone.â
Somehow, that sentence stuck with you for all the reasons and more. The King was the one person who had treated you like an actual human despite his position of power and authority. You had always found yourself comparing him to the Master- another person with power and authority yet no regard for his subjects. While the King had always patted your shoulder with affection, the Master had only ever touched you with a stick- the marks of which you still bore on your skin. While the King always encouraged you to make leaps in the medicinal field and use him as your âtest subjectâ which was an inside joke amongst all the doctors in the castle now, the Master had only ever criticised you.
Would it be so bad if you let the King live? Or were you doing him a favour by killing him? He would die a painless death and wouldnât witness the doom of his empire. One death had already cost him a great deal- he surely couldnât take more. Hongjoong wanted him to live a little longer and hand him the crown with his own hands before he passed on, but no matter how much you tried to convince Hongjoong that the King couldnât live long, his pride wouldnât let him admit that the King would never willingly crown him. It was why he urged you to look after him as best as you could and why he was so enthusiastic with his work lately. He had something to prove now.
And it was why, ultimately, you decided to let the King rest. He did not need to dig any deeper and find out that his own son and his royal physician had orchestrated this plan. He did not need to be in agony anymore. You slipped the silver light in his medicine and he took it unsuspectingly. You squeezed his wrist in silent gratitude for all he had done for you- from his heart. And then you went to your room and waited to hear the news.
It was too bad that the Prince himself had to be the one who delivered the news to you-Â
âDid you do it?â
âYouâre welcome⌠Your Majesty,â you said, finally getting him to let go of your neck. You glared at him as you rubbed your neck in an attempt to soothe the burning sensation. âDidnât think youâd be so ecstatic to hear that.â
Hongjoong stared at you, for the first time feeling something resembling fear in his heart- the future looked uncertain and for once, the look in your eyes made him shiver. Hongjoong was realising how perhaps he, too, was at your mercy. You wanted him to take over the throne so you sped up the process for him, getting rid of his uncles and now his father. All for what? For the throne that was his anyway? And you didnât even want to be queen until he suggested it- just why-
âThe King died of âgriefâ, but really, itâs the silver lightâs doing,â you told him, taking a few steps to close the distance between you two, placing a hand on his shoulder, your eyes scanning his face. âItâs too bad he couldnât crown you with his own hands, but thatâs okay. All that matters is that heâs gone and he didnât discover the truth about your role in Prince Woobinâs death. We did it, Hongjoong. You did it.â
He did it. He trusted the wrong person and messed everything up. Sure, the fact that he was now the King made him ecstatic, but there was still something that bothered him-
And that was you.
You were unpredictable and dangerous. And he couldnât have someone like that by his side in the long run. He could not continue dallying with you anymore.
âTell me what youâre thinking,â you urged him, planting soft kisses around his mouth and on the tip of his nose. âYou donât think I did something wrong, do you?â
âOf course not,â Hongjoong kissed your lips. âI just wanted to make sure if it really was you. Did I scare you?â
You shook your head despite the air being heavy with lies. âIâm sorry for your loss.â
Hongjoong scoffed at that, looking down as he chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief and pretending that your words did not feel like a stab in his back. âIâm just a little bummed that you didnât tell me.â
âIt was a⌠spur-of-the-moment decision,â you ran your hands across the silky material of his cream shirt. âBut allâs well that ends well, isnât that so?â
Hongjoong nodded. âTheyâve taken him away- the funeral will be the day after tomorrow so Prince Woojin can attend.â
âAh, heâs still here, huh?â You clicked your tongue. âAnything I can help with?â
âOh, Iâve got that handled,â he assured you, caressing your cheek. âNow⌠can we stop talking and stop acting? Didnât you say something about how you couldnât wait until I got the title so you could say you fucked the King?â
You laughed at that, the two of you leaning in for a kiss that soon turned heated, resulting in discarded clothes on the floor. Hongjoong was rough with you tonight, feeling lightheaded with the weight of the new title on his head. It didnât help that you kept teasing him, calling him the King or Your Majesty Hongjoong. Despite the gravity of the situation, it turned him on so damn much and he realised that he really was mad. But he couldnât stop.Â
He couldnât stop until he fucked you hard, taking you from behind and making you become undone on his cock over and over again. He snaked his hand back on your neck as you reached your high, this time to crane your face towards him so he could see you. You locked eyes with him, his silver hair matted on his forehead and a sheen of sweat making his skin glisten. This time, he choked you the proper way right when you came.
You actually saw stars this time. You didnât mind that he treated you like a ragdoll tonight, probably pouring all his frustrations, grief and anxiety into you. You didnât mind that he used you like a tool, spanking you whenever you so much as looked at him the wrong way and making you rock on his hips or fingers even though you were an oversensitive bundle of nerves.Â
For tonight, you were his and he was yours. You had him wrapped around your fingers and even though he was the one who wielded power and dominance over you, it was ultimately you who moved his strings and controlled his actions. You could only wish that he would remain ignorant for as long as possible. After all, it would be too much of a shame if you couldnât be like this for just a while.
Hongjoong stopped thrusting his cum inside you, resting his forehead against your bare shoulder and catching his breath, sliding out moments later and watching the leaking cum out of you with an amused look. You smacked his arm and he scooted away so you could bundle the sheets around yourself as you lay next to him, tangling your limbs.
âThis is it,â you whispered, kissing his chest. âThis is where youâre meant to be.â
Hongjoong kissed the top of your head in answer and you thought his touch felt distant and cold but your mind was too hazy to make sense of it.
For now, you were in the Kingâs arms. And you were already planning how to make it an everyday ritual.
â------------------------------
Today, the Masterâs big plan for the Kingdom of Wonderland was finally going to come to an epic conclusion- Prince Hongjoong was going to get crowned king and he was finally going to ascend the throne. Granted, the path had been rocky and bloody but he finally made it.Â
You would be his royal physician now, and no one elseâs. And oh, the sight of the empty seat next to his that was once the queenâs was bubbling desire in you for something that was not- or should not be- yours. You were just a piece in the Masterâs plan and you becoming the queen was not a part of his scheme.
But you were tired of obeying the faceless Master when there was no guarantee that you would live to see the next day- or even the next moment. The bluebirds were everywhere. They could end you just as easily as you had ended the King. They were cooks, soldiers, doctors, guards and assassins. They sat at every post in the castle and you wouldnât be surprised if the Master was prowling somewhere around here- especially today. He had to be present to see the scheme of his forefathers about to conclude.Â
And you were wondering if it would be too bad if you made some alterations to the Masterâs plan. If he had one of the bluebirds sit on the throne, he wouldnât need to end the monarchy to have the kingdom flourish, would he? He could just have them manipulate the royals and make a puppet out of Hongjoong. And it wouldnât be too bad if you were the one who sat on the throne, right?
âWe should do something about the queenâs empty throne, huh?âÂ
You almost jumped at the sudden intrusion, looking behind to see Hongjoongâs aide, Mingi, walking towards you to stand beside you. The Hall wasnât empty but the workers had been silently making arrangements and you had just stopped on your way to your room to get a look at how the preparations were going.Â
Mingi was dressed in his official uniform, a number of badges and emblems on the ruby red coat. He smiled at you, continuing. âYouâre thinking the King would need someone by his side, arenât you?â
âI was just reminiscing,â you lied smoothly. âIt seems like just yesterday that the late King and Queen sat here proudly and the Hall was full of life.â
âAh,â Mingi nodded in understanding. âItâs been⌠a bit sad afterwards, hasnât it? The King⌠the grief really clung to him.â
âI sometimes wonder if thereâs no cure for grief,â you sighed. âIf the loss of his wife wasnât enough-â
âHis brothers,â Mingi nodded. âItâs truly a shame. Prince Woojin has arrived for the coronation but he isnât too pleased to be here.â
âHeâs going to get exiled from his homeland, so I can understand why,â you said and he agreed. The two of you looked at the empty seats for a while before you said you had to get ready for the event and you parted ways. You went to your room to change into a ruby red gown, wearing the earrings Hongjoong had gifted you and tying your hair back. And right after, you went to sit by the window to take a breather.
The sky was clear today, and you wished Hongjoongâs intentions would be too. You couldnât shake off the feeling that something was amiss from the night that he pounced on you, suspecting that you killed the King. Yes, you had without letting him know beforehand, but he knew this was inevitable. And you had done him a favour because the King was almost on to him, but Hongjoong just had to be an ungrateful fool. It truly was a shame.
A knock sounded on the door and you opened it to reveal one of Hongjoongâs guards, asking you to accompany him to the royal chambers. You got worried for a moment, wondering if there was a medical emergency but the guard assured you that the Crown Prince just needed to talk to you about something so you followed without the medical kit. Mingi let you in and left, saying he had some matters to attend to. You looked around, finding the chambers awfully empty now that the King was gone and none of his staff was present. You knocked on Hongjoongâs room and he hummed in answer so you let yourself in.
âI see youâre already struggling with the burden of being the King,â you commented, watching him struggle with the robe unceremoniously. âWhereâre your maids?â
âI donât like being dressed by them,â he muttered. âHelp me?â
You softly chuckled, standing in front of him between the mirror to fasten the clips to his jacket and then you straightened his clothes. âYou only like my hands on you, donât you?â
âMaybe,â Hongjoong smirked, watching you with a fondness that made you question if you had been wrong to suspect him. âI just wanted to see you before the coronation.â
âSomeoneâs finally feeling emotional, huh?â You teased and he laughed at that, resting his hands on your hips. âHow does it feel to finally be the King of Wonderland, Your Majesty?â
âIt hasnât happened yet,â he raised a brow but you tsk-ed.
âThatâs just formality, the event. You are the King. And Iâm glad to be here with you right now,â you told him- you really were happy for him, from the bottom of your heart. âAll those library sessions finally earned us the crown.â
Hongjoong nodded, not commenting on how you used the term âusâ. As if the crown belonged to you too. He supposed you had the right to feel like that after being his sword and his shield.Â
âCan you come see me after the coronation, in the music room?â Hongjoong asked, gently cupping your face with one hand. âIâd like to give you something.â
âReally?â You asked, searching his eyes for an answer but finding nothing. You felt your heart thump with excitement at the prospect of what this could entail. The silly voice in your head told you that maybe he really was going to crown you or at least make a promise.
âOkay,â you nodded, kissing his palm. âIâll be there.â
Hongjoong smiled at that and leaned in to kiss you, deep and passionate like none of the kisses you had ever received from him before. Your back arched as you wrapped your arms around his neck and melted into the kiss, his arm around your back bringing you closer. You kissed for a long time before he broke apart and you laughed a little, telling him that you should be going to mark your attendance at the Hall. Hongjoong let you go with a final kiss to the top of your head, promising to see you later.
You had to admit that you were confused by the sudden change in his behaviour, but maybe he had been a bit cold towards you for the past couple of days because of the stress. The Prince had always been a moody man but that didnât mean that you werenât hyper-aware of everything he said to you or the way he acted towards you ever since you got rid of the King. If there was one thing you had realised the past few months, it was that you were on your own. The Master wasnât going to take care of you or protect you if you messed up. The Prince would always protect his crown first before and he would gladly frame you if he ever felt threatened. You were aware of that, and as much as you desired the Crown Prince, his power, and perhaps, the seat next to his, you werenât going to be unprepared.
When you went to the Hall, you were greeted by many. You had been the Kingâs royal physician and his confidante of sorts, especially after his aide retired. Tonight, you were going to honour him by lighting the torch that marked the Kingâs absence before the coronation would begin. The late Queenâs torch would be lit by Prince Woojin, the Duke of Mist Island.
There was a murmur spreading throughout the Hall as Prince Woojin entered, clad not in the official red but black- for mourning. He hadnât been staying at the castle ever since he arrived for the Dukeâs execution and just when he was about to leave the Capital, he heard the news of the King and came to attend the funeral, extending his stay a few more days as per Hongjoongâs request. He joined you at the front row, a few empty seats away from you but you got up and greeted him, just like you would have greeted the late King.
âHave you been well?â Prince Woojin asked. âI heard that you were quite close to my brother.â
You sighed deeply. âIâm alright, thank you for asking. I hope youâve been well too.â
Prince Woojin shrugged in answer. As the youngest of the three, he was quite the oddball of the family, lacking any desire for the throne since the beginning and keeping to governing the northern region of Wonderland where the islands were located, collectively referred to as the Mist Islands. Unlike the other Duke, he never argued about the policies either, only following the late Kingâs orders. You supposed there were people in this world who werenât born with the innate desire for power after all. Prince Woojin was a living example of that.
âDo you think I should start packing up after the coronation?â Prince Woojin asked, surprising you. âIâve heard rumours that Iâm going to be exiled. As if living on Mist Islands isnât an exile itself.âÂ
You frowned- you werenât surprised that he had heard that, but why did he ask you? Was this just small talk or was he on to something? âDid you never want to rule the islands, Your Highness?â
âItâs not that,â he chuckled. âBut itâs quite a trip from here, isnât it? I just wish I had seen my brother more often when he was alive.â
âWell⌠Prince Woobin did,â you shrugged, and Prince Woojin heard the rest of the sentence even though you didnât say it out loud. Look where that got him.
âFor a long time, Iâve thought that whoever sets their eyes on the throne is doomed,â Prince Woojin said and you listened to his words carefully. âFor a while now, the position has birthed tragic endings. Woobinâs death has only strengthened my belief. Even if I was offered the position, I wouldnât take it.â
You made an impressed face, nodding at the man who looked older than his brothers despite being in his late forties. âYouâre very wise, Prince Woojin-â
âDo you covet the throne, my dear?â Prince Woojin looked at you and your mouth parted in surprise at his observation- or guess. Whatever it was.Â
âI⌠donât, really,â you admitted, looking towards the empty seats. âI guess I covet power and control. For at least once in my life, I would like to be free to make my own decisions and have no one influence my path.â
âLet me tell you something,â he leaned towards you, just as the doors opened revealing the Crown Prince. âYou donât need to sit there to have power or control over your life. That is a cage that looks like salvation, and once you take the crown, thereâs no going back. Youâre trapped until death. Youâll be controlled by forces you canât even see. At least right now, youâll have what? One? Two people influencing your life?â
You glanced at Hongjoong who narrowed his eyes when he saw the two of you conversing. Turning your attention to the Duke, you nodded. âYouâre right. It really is a cage, isnât it?â
Prince Woojin smiled, slumping back and nodding. He looked at where his nephew was, who was being marched towards the throne with Mingi by his side. You and Prince Woojin stood up and the rest followed. You went towards the torches in the middle of the room, standing in front of each other. One of the servants brought a candle to you and you lit the Kingâs torch first, locking eyes with Prince Woojin. He smiled at you, taking the candle from your hand before lighting the Queenâs torch. After the fire from them rose to a certain height, you both turned towards Hongjoong who was waiting for the signal at the end of the room. He bowed back and turned to receive the crown.
âThe lone survivor,â Prince Woojin commented. âFor how long, I wonder.â
Your heart sank at his words and you slowly turned to face him. It couldnât be, could it? Prince Woojin only smiled knowingly at you and then applause sounded across the room, with a chorus of âLong Live His Majesty King Hongjoong!â sounding across the room. While he looked magnificent in the crown, you were left pondering over the Dukeâs question.
For how long?
When things got a bit busy, you made one last attempt to tie your fate to Hongjoongâs. You went to your room and wrote a letter, tucking it under the bed like you always did. And then you went to the music room to wait for the new king. You were starting to feel a sense of finality washing over you and to cope with what was surely coming, you started to press your fingers to the piano, the movements feeling foreign but strangely intimate- as if the notes meant to comfort you and pass you silent assurances.
You supposed that was the reason why, when the King finally entered the room with a guarded look on his face and two soldiers by his side, you werenât surprised. You only scoffed in mock amusement, shaking your head.
âDoctor y/n, royal physician to the late King,â King Hongjoong announced. âYou are under arrest for the murder of the late King.â
You let out a short laugh which soon turned maniacal and Hongjoong signalled the guards to give you both some privacy. They went to stand outside the room though the door was kept open.
âYouâll regret this, oh, you will,â you said when you finally got up, taking off the ruby earrings. âThis will be the moment you will look back to soon.â
Hongjoong only smiled in answer. âYouâre a threat to me as you were to the King. I canât have you prowling around, you must understand.â
âOf course,â you walked to him and took his hand, slamming the earrings on his palm and curling his fingers over it. âThe crown suits you, Hongjoong. Make the most of it while you can.â
âAnd what is that supposed to mean?â He raised a brow.Â
You smiled, leaning in to whisper something in his ear, making him freeze. You kissed his cheek before drawing away, getting one good look at all that glory, memorising the face of the person you had crowned, the eyes that had betrayed you long ago, the lips that had always served as a distraction to make you blind to what had been brewing in his mind all along, and then at his hands that had led you to your doom. Before he could stop you, you walked past him and surrendered yourselves to the soldier, mockingly bowing at him.
Even though you could taste your tears, your lips were curved in a smile. You may have doomed yourself but-
You would not be alone.Â
You had tied your fate to Hongjoongâs long ago. Your paths had been intertwined since the beginning and would remain so.
You had heard from the Master once- that it takes a monster to destroy another monster. Perhaps, you took his words literally- you became a monster just so you could take another down. You did not regret one bit of it.
â--------------------------
You had watched many executions take place in the square. You had watched the recent execution of the Duke beside Hongjoong.
However, you did not imagine you would be watching the very empty throne from the square, on your knees with your hands tied in front of you- still with Hongjoong beside you, in a similar state.
âQuite a view from up here, isnât it?â You commented. âBet the Duke was too infuriated to admire it when it was his time.â
Hongjoong didnât reply, looking at the rope that was wound around his hands and then back at the throne that he had sat on for barely a day. He clicked his tongue in anger when he spotted Prince Woojin. He didnât sit on the throne but went to stand at the edge to watch.
This time, the square was empty save for the two of you. No one needed to witness this ugly conclusion, you supposed. It was just a few officials from the castle and-
Mingi. Watching you from the shadows and motioning with his finger towards the opposite direction-
At Prince Woojin. You frowned in confusion but then he crossed his heart and then his wrist, and understanding washed over you.Â
Mingi was a bluebird, and so was Prince Woojin. You realised then that your doom had been inevitable. You were meant to die with Hongjoong from the very beginning. Mingi had made sure that happened, and Prince Woojin, who had to be one of the masterminds, had tricked you into planting the letter under your bed. The letter confirmed that Hongjoong had ordered you to kill the King and had fabricated the evidence to get the Duke executed for a crime he did not commit. That way, they had an official confession to get you both arrested and ready for trial.Â
But⌠Prince Woojin had to be someone who worked closely with the Master who had trained you. The Master had to be present today- you looked around, finding some familiar faces but failing to recognise him.
âNo oneâs coming to save you, Princess,â Hongjoong scoffed and you raised a brow as you looked at him.
âFuck you too, Hongjoong.âÂ
Hongjoong shook his head in amusement, looking at you with a strange expression- was that affection in his eyes? You frowned. âYou donât have to fake your feelings anymore. At least be true to me- to yourself- in your last moments.â
âNo point wishing I could kill you with my own hands anymore when weâre both going to the same place,â Hongjoong said, his body shaking as he stifled a fit of laughter. You shook your head at that.
âIsnât it funny?â You attempted to change the subject, wanting a distraction from the way your knees felt numb from kneeling for so long now. âWe were doomed from the beginning, you and I. We were both pieces in a game that was being played by these people- the masterminds, from so long ago. Did they ever foresee this moment?â
âPieces, you say?â Hongjoong asked, wondering who these masterminds were- had he lost the real game while he got high on what looked like a victory to him? âWere you a spy?â
âA bluebird,â you confessed with a short laugh as tears pricked the corner of your eyes. âTheyâre everywhere, Hongjoong. Theyâre watching us right now.â
Hongjoongâs eyes widened as he took a look around, finding all the eyes present trained on him. All his life, he had felt like he did not truly belong in the castle but never once had he felt it with this magnitude. He felt like an imposter in his own home.
âSo this was all a part of your plan?â Hongjoong asked. His words carried no bitterness or disdain. He simply wanted answers.
âIt wasnât,â you shook your head. âAt least, not this,â you raised your tied hands in the air and looked at him. âI really wanted you to rule, Hongjoong. Even if it was just for a day.â
âWell, you got what you wanted-â
âThat was what they wanted,â you continued. âI tried to find a way out of this, but you have to understand that I was trapped. By them. By you. I told you that I would make sure to undo everything and sit next to you when you got me arrested, but⌠the bluebirds got us. I didnât think Iâd sit next to you in the square.â
The rays of the sun were starting to peek from behind the arched roof of the elevation where Prince Woojin stood watching you both. You shut your eyes, letting the warmth of the sun seep into your skin. You were going to be cold for an eternity now.
âFeel that, Hongjoong?â You asked, unmoving. âAnother thing we took for granted.â
âThe sun?âÂ
âThis warmth,â you looked at him, spotting the grim face of the executioners making their way from the other end of the square, the soldiers and court members taking their respective positions. âDid you ever take your time to feel it? Did you ever feel something similar?â
âI wasnât always a cold, calculating bastard,â Hongjoong chuckled, glad you were talking to him right now. He somehow felt lighter. âI felt warmth in my motherâs arms.â
âI didnât,â you told him and he looked at you but there was no pity in his eyes, only understanding. âI felt warmth when the King talked to me like I was his daughter.â
Hongjoong smiled at that, looking at his tied hands. The executioners paused when they saw that emotion on his Kingâs face, allowing just another moment. You looked back at Hongjoong, strands of silver hair covering his glazed eyes.
âDid you ever love me?âÂ
Hongjoongâs smile only deepened at that. âDid you?â
âMaybe I did,â you cocked your head, waiting for an answer.
âMaybe I did too,â he raised a brow. âWe must have been lovers in our past life.â
âOr maybe we were enemies, and this was my twisted attempt at redemption,â you said and he chuckled. âMaybe weâll actually do ourselves justice in the next life. If there is one.â
âDeath wonât do us part,â he said and you finally let the tears fall even though your heart warmed at his words.
The executioners appeared in front of you, their swords gleaming and ready by their side. Hongjoong had personally requested execution by the sword instead of the guillotine though he never mentioned his reasons for this choice. He raised his tied hands in the air and the executioner looked towards Prince Woojin for confirmation. You narrowed your eyes at the Prince, wondering if he would take the throne or demolish the monarchical system but your thoughts got interrupted when you found your executioner untying the ropes around your hands as well.Â
Confused, you looked at Hongjoong who extended his hand, prompting you to take it. You intertwined your fingers with his, squeezing them. He held your hand with considerable strength as if he meant to convey his fear for what was ahead but assure you that he was here, with you.Â
âDeath wonât do us part,â he promised and shut his eyes.Â
You shut your eyes with a smile, thankful for his promise. Maybe in the next life, you would meet again under better circumstances, unburdened by lies and guilt, greed and lust. For the first time, you saw something other than red.
You saw silver- muted but warm, like Hongjoongâs hair. Bright and glaring like the colour of the drug, silver light, that doomed you. Distant and beautiful like the stars you saw at night while you rested in Hongjoongâs arms. Twinkling and intoxicating like the stars Hongjoong made you see when he made love to you.
You saw silver- glorious and absolute like the sword that painted you both red.
#loren's fic recs#ateez x reader#hongjoong x reader#hongjoong angst#hongjoong smut#yumi <33#MOOT MOOT
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For the first time in a while, I actually remember my dream. Very normalish one tho, a school dream! After all that had happened I was back in highschool ready to be a normal guy again. I didn't recognize anyone aside from a primary school friend tho, whom I've been thinking about yesterday. There weren't even any teachers, we were just sitting on free time doing fuck all. At one point I realized I'd have to make up for the homework I hadn't done and I got so stressed I tried to make a motivational doodle of myself lifting weights w the text WE CAN DO IT but I first fucked up the mouth by inability to dragging the pen where I wanted and then I realized the arms I drew weren't flexing up? So I got pissed and closed the sketchbook.
It was then I decided to get closer to these beds on the side of the bedroom where I got jumpscared by a cockroach as they discussed the topic of the very same and half life for some reason??
After that I guess I pulled up my phone and started talking w Blood who I think had found a mod to add Mitch (now called Dune or something) from Papa Louie onto some other game or... Or maybe it was a dlc for a PL game? It wasn't very clear bc upon opening the link to see who he was I noticed the trailer straight up showcased him jerking off while standing on the counter. Game also portrayed him as like homeless and a stoner?
Blood, who I think didn't answer me when I mentioned the jerking off thing, decided to get it so I was looking at the food making gameplay and there was an option to add these little puffy white things into the drink so Blood kept saying "a Zelda speedrunner wouldn't mind a few popcorns on his drink đď¸đď¸" as she poured them awfully, falling off the cup and also just filling it to the brim. Then Vito woke me up meowing on my face đ
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to add to the conversation about meta and critical analysis and stuff i just want to say that critical analysis isnt bad in general. Hear me out though keep scrolling if you dont want to read a long discoursey kinda post but its not neg for reference /srs.
NOT A VAGUEPOST! I am commenting solely on trends of things in the fandom since my experience being here since 2020 writing meta since january 2021.
---
many people (like me for example) enjoy writing analysis that is through a critical lens even though we enjoy the narrative and character. Some people enjoy writing through that lens and they dont like that character or narrative. some people dont like the narrative or character at all and it would be critical. i think at least in all my experiences in fandoms is a really normal part of fandom analysis and enjoying a story and is fine! if you maintag you for sure should tag your crit and stuff but in general i think this on the whole isnt bad. Gen really weird cc neg is bad, and theres some other nuance of course but thats not the main pt of my post, but i dont think thats the majority of critical analysis in any fandom including this one we are in here. I just want to stress that people engage in this fandom in various different ways as they do in all fandoms.
I think what is really stressful is the vagueing that goes on. and for the record i am not vagueing anyone specifically by saying that and none of my mutual or people i follow or anyone at all, once again i am commenting on trends ive seen /srs! Like meta has become really difficult in my experience in fear of the neg that comes along with it or the thought that people "hate the dream smp/the content" or "hate cc's" etc because of it or even "cc's dont do lore because of posts like this". And i think that's something that needs to be addressed and talked about because it's something that we're all aware of existing and its definitely been a source of contention i think...
I think reblogging someones meta directly to discuss or add your own points (i always include a pls add on personally!) and or sending that person an ask if theyre willing to is also fine. I also think being inspired by meta to write your own points is quite fine too, those are all really enjoyable parts of fandom analysis.
and to use a personal example i know a lot of people who dont like c!ranboo or his narratives and after the ghostboo caimsey stream i remember there being a lot of discourse. I personally dont block crit analysis or anything bc i usually like to read it regardless, but i remember having a vastly different view of that stream and the narratives! So what i did was make meta about the lore from my perspective without vagueing anyone or have ties to what i read. I just was like "i really liked xyz and heres why" kinda posts. Its also crit analysis and all sorts of meta in general that have helped me change my views of characters or explore new narratives because of the different views i see about it.
What i'm trying to say is that like i think we can exist in a world where fandom crit and meta and noncrit meta and silly hcs and etc. can be enjoyable and cohesive together though i do realize there is some nuance to what i'm saying and this doesn't really handle all circumstances within this discussion.
And maybe youre a person who crit analysis stresses them out and it ruins your fandom experience. I think this is very valid but i think in fandom spaces we need to find ways to curate our own experiences. i'll admit some lore discourse has stressed me out too but i generally dont engage with it or i start ask games or hc games or i write unrelated meta or things just to avoid it. I dont have a lot of solutions for this other than: tag discourse and crit in maintagged posts, ask people you are mutuals with or follow if they can tag something (though there is no guarantee someone will and thats a okay!! you may need to block this person or their personalized blog tags for lore analysis), and or do what i do and write meta about how you did love a stream and why and start new discussions. Though i'm not sure of any other solutions off the top of my head, so i'm happy to hear more solutions.
The reason i'm writing this post is because of the crit analysis = you hate a cc and you just hate the narratives and you dont love the dsmp at all and you hold them at too high a standard etc etc etc kinda mindset i've seen since like late 2021. Because i don't hate cc's or the narratives. if i did i wouldn't be in this fandom, i woudn't write meta or engage with the content at all. and the vagueposting that i've seen is very discouraging to see at the very least especially as i've noticed how things have evolved since 2020 fandom.
I'm not sure if this is a good post, or if it adds to the discussion well. Tbh im afraid this will start discourse in itself which isnt really the point (though i tagged it that way for blacklisting...). This post is intended to help our fandom space be more cohesive to allow people the space to take narratives where they want (with nuance of course!) and for people to curate their fandom experience how they want too.
So as i always do with meta please add on, please send me asks about this. Reply. correct me even!! though i have turned off rbs because im kinda nervous for such a large discoursey style post being rb-ed around. All i ask is just dont vague me or sc this...like my anons are on i'm happy to discuss this and vagueing stresses me out which should be obvious from me writing this whole post.
because i want us to have a healthy fandom experience if we can and I see how stressed out its made me and many people on dsmp.blr during lore discourse days/analysis moments/etc.
let me know your thoughts <3!
#discourse#fandom discourse#cup.dsmpblr#not crit or neg just kinda opening up the discussion#not a vaguepost#long post
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donât be shy,
post sum of those drafts
pairing: peter parker x avenger!reader
a/n: you asked and you shall receive. here are very random scraps that i pieced together and somehow it worked lol enjoy x
      âââ シ ・ďžâ: *.â˝ .* :âďž. âââ
the avengers on long bus rides
long bus rides are the only times where the world is balanced and at peace (forced smile from steve)
itâs also the only times when everyone will chime in on those sea shanties that steve loves so much, so thatâs a plus
the team knows that their captain is a sea shanty WHORE so they always go all out for him and do harmonies and quite impressive choreos
once theyâve run out of sea shanties, they switch to musicals and itâs kind of like football jocks meet theatre kids
everyone has their troy bolten moment at some point, but itâs loki who really shines
he gets really passionate and ends up singing all parts and no one can blame him because mans got the voice of an angel and he knows it
nat is super supportive and cheers him on while recording everything. no one questions why she has a folder on her phone that is called âblackmail materialâ
tony likes to show his support by throwing money at loki
the others reenact that scene from harry potter where harry tries to catch hogwarts letters falling from the ceiling although there are loads of them perfectly lying on the floor
they fight tooth and nail to catch the money with a ferocity that puts the gods in shame
peter shoots his webs to pin the dollar bills to the wall like he suddenly got a lifelong supply of them and clint acts like his arrows are made of harmless rubber
rhodey joins in, puts on his suit, and almost blasts happy â¨to deathâ¨while trying to catch a one-dollar bill
happy swerve the bus off a cliff and someone screams
(it was loki)
wanda has to save them and proceeds to bench them all for an hour
bucky, friend to no vehicles, is grumpy the entire time but y/n has made it her temporary calling to cheer him up
âi donât like vehicles and this is whyâ *y/n whips out a duffel bag and slaps it* âyea, well, but what are your thoughts on sudokusâ
bucky curls up in the back like the senior citizen that he is, sandwiched between y/n and bruce with a lifelong supply of sudokus scattered around him
they quietly help each other out and itâs very wholesome
tony and peter can fall asleep anywhere on the bus with their necks and limbs turned at all kinds of unnatural angles and sam winces before tearing his eyes from them
he makes a mental note to buy them neck pillows
nat suggests playing âi spyâ because it seems less lethal than the yellow car game but clint, sam, and thor get way too enthusiastic about it
they have their faces pressed against the window, eyes wide and unblinking, unaware that theyâre frightening half of the people sitting in the passing cars
at some point, they lose all sense and just randomly name everything
âi spy with my little eye something that is redâ âthat carâ ânoâ âthat carâ ânoâ âclintâs sweaterâ âitâs notââ âbuckyâs pen, the flowERS, MY SHOES, THE SKYâ
rhodey and nat are surprisingly good at that game and their calm demeanour drives the others insane
âfine. i spy with my stupid little eye something that is amberââ âbottom left button on the inside of lokiâs overcoat, try againâ
wanda and vision are in charge of lunch and handing out lunch boxes to everyone is a delight to them and a very. scary experience for the rest of the team
âhere you go, buck. a turkey sandwich with cut off crust and extra tomatoesâ âoh you didnât have to cut offââ âđ but you like it. donât youđ â â...yesâ
peter and y/n are sharing a seat and y/n shows him her online purchases on her phone. peter is really sweet the entire time and comments on everything with genuine interest until rhodey pipes up from behind them
âyou ordered new shoes? y/n, you donât even go outside enough to justify wearing shoesâ
they shush him and proceed to share headphones to listen to peterâs current favourite songs
at some point, tony announces, âalright ladies and gentlegerms, cap is making us stop the bus so we can get out and go for a two-mile jog through the woods *unenthusiastic jazz hands* if anyone wants to fling us off a cliff again, now is the time, i repeatââ
they still end up running and itâs insufferable. itâs hot and musty and just ~unpleasant~
somehow the avengers have evolved into a chaotic Debate Team and now theyâre discussing who gets to be carried by thor and bucky
at an intersection, the two of them stop to catch their breath and theyâre both just staring at each other, sweaty and covered in avengers hanging off their limbs
thor, prying loki off his back: âiâm sorry but weâre gonna have to do something different hereâ
y/n is hopping off buckyâs back when thereâs suddenly a loud, ugly sound reverberating through the forest, followed by many footsteps that seem to come closer by the second
they run
branches keep tearing at their skin as they bolt through the woods but theyâre not stopping because itâs clear what is happening right now
theyâre being chased by wild boars
at this point theyâre just embracing death and if they survive itâs a bonus
a boar comes running towards bucky and wanda but bucky âi have been falling for 90 years and iâm sick of itâ barnes stares it straight in the eye, daring it to knock them over and the boar just squirms and make a u-turn
another wild boar seems to have decided that clint is not part of the herd because it sends clint FLYING in a quite impressive and beautiful arc
steve tries to ditch clint and train the boar
clint wasnât hurt by the fall, but he stares at steve as if he might as well have broken a rib
theyâre back on the bus and happy cocks a brow when he sees that everyone is exhausted and covered in dirt. he chooses to say nothing when nat climbs in with loki half-leaning on her for support and glaring broodily at the floor
everyone just wants to sleep and forget that the avengers were almost defeated by boars but bruce and sam keep bickering in the front row
âitâs too bright in hereâ âitâs the sunâ âthe lights get too noisyâ ââŚwhatâ âmake it stopâ âwhat do you want me to do?? turn off the sun???â
peter and y/n are huddled in a seat again, sharing headphones to drone out the noise and the moment he hits play, y/n looks at him blankly
peter, shrugging: âwhat? my 7 songs still go hardâ
* * *
what are your seven songs that still go hard? pls tell me bc i desperately need new music <3 stay hydrated pals
hc masterlist
#peter parker x reader#peter parker x y/n#peter parker x avenger!reader#avengers crack#avengers x reader#avengers headcanon#peter parker headcanon#peter parker fluff#avengers#peter parker#steve rogers headcanon#tony stark headcanon#bucky barnes headcanon#sam wilson headcanon#thor headcanon#loki headcanon#mcu#mcu x reader#peter parker x you#spiderman x reader#avenger!reader
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jumping on for a second to talk about this bc it's so important to me. i'm not trying to mansplain aomine daiki here but his attitude is one of my fav parts of knb so pls excuse me if i say something obvious HSDHSDJH
just as a preface, i spoke about aomine's sense of security in the people he loves HERE, in the context of my aokaga fics. it's mostly hc because it talks about his parents whom we don't get to see in canon, but i'm fairly confident in this analysis to discuss this angle without referencing to that. i founded the parent hcs on how he acts with momoi.
SO. let's discuss aomine's relationship first and foremost. in the series, aomine refers to THREE people by their first names, and he does it exclusively when he feels comfortable and/or friendly with someone enough that they've earnt it. unlike with some of the other characters, he doesn't do it to get a rise out of anyone by assuming familiarity, and he doesn't do it to make fun.
he calls kuroko tetsu when kuroko proves that not only does he love basketball as much as he does, but that he's a good person and someone aomine feels he can trust. even when they fall out, even when aomine believes that kuroko must hate him, and he wants to hate kuroko for his naive view of basketball, he still calls him tetsu. he doesn't waver at all, not around other people, or shouting his name at the top of his lungs from the back of an arena. kuroko is tetsu. it's a badge of honour.
momoi is his childhood best friend and someone he does not believe will ever leave. she is, and has been for over ten years by the time the show starts, satsuki. in my view, he treats momoi as one would a sister, almost, because he treats her honestly pretty badly with no expectation that she's taking him seriously. he's surprised when he makes her cry (like in the rain when she's suggesting he pull out of a competition due to injury), because yeah he's calling her ugly and telling her to fuck off and all of that, but there's an unbreakable bond underlying his meanness that aomine trusts won't break. he shouldn't treat his friends like this, but i'm just trying to come at this from his perspective. he expresses his love for her quietly, but it's there.
as i said in my linked hc post, aomine does not believe that he has to do anything special in order to earn the love of those he trusts. he does not believe that their love is conditional, he does not think that it's linked to his skill or status as a prodigy. for better or for worse, he feels known by these people, and therefore, he's immature about responsibilities and regularly acts up around the people he loves. he ditches people, he shirks chores, and he genuinely does not care about annoying or bothering people.
and now we come to sakurai. aomine and sakurai have a faaascinating dynamic. they're classmates as well as teammates, but i'd love to know how they started talking. neither of them have the kind of personality to just sit next to the other bc they're in basketball club together. sakurai appears skittish, insecure, wet, pathetic, we love you sakurai but you have a reputation. and it's bullshit. sakurai's "drawback", what makes him look weak in the eyes of those around him, is in his need to please others. he takes it bitterly personally when he does something wrong, or he believes he does something wrong, quickly reducing to tears and the classic "i'm sorry! i'm sorry! i don't want to live! i deserve to die!" spiel he usually descends to. but in clutch mode, in his favourite sport, sakurai can be just as arrogant as the rest of touou. he has the confidence to make threes against strong opponents instead of just passing to the prodigal ace. he wants to score points. he isn't interested in proving himself to anyone, he already knows that he's great.
sakurai's actual personality, rather than his perceived one, is probably what draws aomine to him. i can very easily imagine that they're in a game early on, and sakurai looks like he's about to get into trouble with the opposing team who are picking on him a little. but instead of crumbling, he gives them the most disgraceful look of disrespect, and scores an amazing three. it's a moment like that which would make aomine interested, and as he pays more attention, he'd notice other things he also would like. sakurai is kind, he loves basketball, and he is not afraid of aomine. he's not afraid of his skill, however much he is impressed by it, and he doesn't see aomine is someone to prove himself to or compete with. sakurai honestly doesn't seem like he thinks about aomine much at all. which aomine would like. he's also a great cook. again, my idea is that they were eating together, and aomine is looming because he kinda wants to make friends but isn't quite sure yet, and sakurai offers him a little food. you know, like the neighbourhood cat? anyway. once he's had some, he wants to have more, and so, a friendship occurs.
sakurai's food making is one of his more beloved traits in his team, and everyone is comfortable enough with him to snatch and steal etc. like wakamatsu eating all the fucking lemons so aomine wouldn't get any. my fav team. stupid idiots. there are instances were sakurai expresses that he wishes they wouldn't (like the cursed replace novel where aomine eats all sakurai's food he made for the team during a study session to do aomine's homework, without him knowing, and when he discovers an empty fridge, he starts crying and has to be comforted), but overall his protestations are, in my opinion, coming from modesty rather than actual discomfort. sakurai is a strong enough person not to have people walk all over him, he simply doesn't mind being useful to a team he has grown to love and respect.
sakurai is the third person aomine refers to by his first name. sakurai earns this in his basketball skill, he earns it in how he stares fearlessly and disgracefully at nonbelieving opponents. the food definitely helps, but aomine wouldn't have just stolen a stranger's food. he doesn't view sakurai as weak. he doesn't bully him. wakamatsu may think that aomine is bullying him or taking advantage of him, but aomine isn't like that. he doesn't take advantage of the weak, he protects them. like the lady's bag getting snatched. like fighting haizaki when he knew his friends couldn't (not that he thinks they're weak, it's just that their hands were tied). i don't think i've seen him ever take advantage of anyone like that. he certainly takes advantage of friendships as i've mentioned above, but it feels different to me. idk maybe i'm just an aomine excuser at this point. it'll happen again.
for someone who doesn't sincerely smile much, btw, look at how he is in that scene with sakurai:
sakurai: but... this is... aomine: huh? sakurai: sorry, go ahead!
i think this dialogue is less aomine bullying his way into sakurai's bento, and more sakurai realising that the neighbourhood cat is getting more comfortable with him. would he have told him to get lost? probably not. but he doesn't move away when aomine's near, and he isn't flinching or worried about anything bad happening. if anything, his eyes closing when aomine's draped all over him shows, to me, that he's sort of accepting his fate, bc he knows aomine's not gonna do anything but take the good bits of his bento (not a bully. wakamatsu. please calm down). in fact, look at aomine's reaction when wakamatsu tries defending sakurai, whom he believes is getting kinda bullied here:
first, he checks on sakurai. look, he's fine. sakurai cries at everything, he's calm here. he hasn't overstepped any boundaries. but to me, aomine's first words being a reply to wakamatsu's claims that he should be at practise, and not about stealing food, suggests that aomine hasn't actually considered that he could be doing anything wrong enough to rile wakamatsu up this much. it has gotta be about coming to practise. he stops eating sakurai's bento and tries to leave. i think he'd probably be embarrassed by the idea that he could bully anyone. mean as he is, selfish as he is, aomine's good at heart. he'd definitely think his whole team was stupid as fuck if they believed that aomine would bully sakurai, or degrade him in any way. aomine's just showing that he's comfortable with him in the only way he tends to: by being a little shit.
phew! aomine brain dump out of the way. let's discuss haizaki more briefly because haizaki is a lot of fun, but he's not as fun to talk about as aomine.
i think it's a super interesting, deliberate choice to introduce aomine as a nuisance and then haizaki as a nuisance in a similar setting. aomine's food stealing, to me, looks like it's founded on habit and friendship. he doesn't view sakurai as weak and pathetic, and i think already by that point is calling him ryou, so they're solid friends. aomine is a definite loner and doesn't seem to want friends, but ryou is one of them. one of three, as i mentioned, whom he refers to by first name.
haizaki's entrance in the food hall is different because he doesn't have that base level of friendship with kuroko at all. from memory, he calls people by their first names and it makes them uncomfortable. that's likely why he does it. he is big on disrupting the balance of things. i know he hates the generation of miracles, i know he hates team play and friendship dynamics (likely because he finds it difficult to relate to people like that, and to forgive when someone does something that he finds annoying or weak). haizaki does prey on the weak. he's a menace to women walking around at night, he's a menace to kise in their match (his views on kise are super interesting but i don't wanna get into them now, but he does view kise as weak). and he definitely thinks kuroko's weak. it's no surprise that he targets kuroko's plate (this is all from memory so i'm hoping i'm right lmoa).
haizaki's food stealing is a power play. look at what i can do, i can take what i want. you can't do shit about it. when called out for it, he says this:
(mido said fuck YOUUUUU aomine) now, i don't think this is actually haizaki believing that aomine is doing it for the same reasons he is. i don't think haizaki gives a shit, and he just sees aomine making a fuss and wants to cause trouble. (side note: aomine's i only take when i'm hungry is so funny. he's saying i'm DYING before i steal from my friends!!! that's so stupid. he's such a pain. but he's never going to say "i only steal from my best friends" because that is crazy talk, this is still aomine, whether he's 12 or whatever.)
murasakibara complains, drawing himself into haizaki's zone of interest, and then haizaki shows he doesn't give a fuck by talking only of the food. i am SURE there are translation issues to be taken into consideration, but haizaki's word choice at face value is: a) your fried chicken looks good too, b) that's mine now. essentially: the fuck are you gonna do about it? he likely doesn't view mura as weak, i think here he's just willing to fight for it. mura plays defence and haizaki loses interest.
haizaki seeks to remind them that he isn't emotionally invested in any of this shit, he just takes what he wants to because he can. it's a power play, and everyone knows it.
the fact that it's aomine putting up a fight about not stealing food is telling to how different they are. it doesn't matter that aomine thinks he only steals when he's hungry so it's alright, if he even does view it like that at all (aomine has a history of talking shit and lying sooo). aomine sets them apart by making it clear that he doesn't have any ulterior motives. haizaki is very quick to announce that he does. he isn't doing it because he has to, he's stealing and being a general menace because he wants to. and he tends to target either those he views as weak, or those he knows will fight him.
i wonder why he didn't take from akashi?
anyway. i'm so sorry i wrote an essay on your post. i love this topic obviously and i'm critically insane.
i love one of the first things aomine does is steal sakurais food, cause during a flashback you see he argued with haizaki for doing that exact thing
#hcs#knb#meta#aomine#haizaki#jesus christ this is so long. it's . it's so long#sakurai#aosaku is close to my heart but even as friends they're SO good together i love them
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hellooo lia! itâs so late atm, but i really felt like sending you some more kuroo hcs bc i feel like i havenât done so in a while :O and you deserve to wake up to some soft kuroo moments <3
when you two are walking around indoors or outdoors and kuroo realizes that your shoe is untied, he gently ushers you to the side and bends down to tie your shoe for you (but when he gets up, he taps his cheek twice so you can repay him w a kiss !!)
i think heâs a very family-oriented person and yearns for strong family bonds. so, when heâs visiting your family w you, he spends so much time w everyone! whether it be helping your mom in the kitchen, or asking to see your baby pictures (which he takes pictures of and saves to make fun of w you later), or watching whatever show your siblings are obsessed w. he even spends time w your pet!! giving it a lil belly massage and baby-talking to it <3 a true sweetheart
when itâs raining at night, he likes to pull the blanket over the two of you and watch funny videos on his phone to get your mind off of the booming thunder and sudden flashes of light. his laughter fills your ears :)
kuroo coming home from work and you can just see how excited he is to see you. why? bc he found out some drama from the marketing department. he has to share it w you! he loves how youâre able to keep up w his stories from work. he just gets so giddy bc his personality outside of work is so different than his professional one and itâs so cute to see this tall man in a suit and tie rambling excitedly about drama :,)
âhi pretty!!! i have so much to tell you. you know mina from marketing?â
âis that the one who went on maternity leave last month?â
âno silly, that was mika. minaâs the one who drank too much at that last company gathering. anyway, apparently minaâŚâ
heâd definitely take pictures of you when youâre facetiming him! heâd have a lil album in his camera roll just for candid pictures of you <3 pls you would know when he does this bc it tells you when he screenshots but you let him have his fun. he had a screenshot of you stuffing your face w food (bc facetime lunch dates at work!) as his lockscreen for SO LONG pls stop him
if he was doing work in his room or gaming on his computer (w kenma <3), heâd be overjoyed if you came to watch him. knowing that youâd want to spend time w him even though he isnât doing anything interesting makes him feel all warm. heâd encourage you to sit on his lap and heâd also explain everything that heâs doing so you donât get bored!! (ofc nothing is better than cuddling up to him and hearing him talk about something heâs passionate about)
i feel like after a long day of work, he can still talk to you for hours. so you two are lying in bed, unwinding as you discuss your busy days. heâd talk about anything and everything on his mind. heâd notice how your eyes start to droop, and heâll lower his voice and let his words come to an end. kissing your forehead gently, heâll feel happy bc he helped ease you into a good nightâs sleep. he always goes to sleep after youâve fallen asleep, whether itâs to take pictures of you, admire your smooshed cheeks against his chest, or to ensure that youâre comfortable before he places his pillows around his head and fall into a deep sleep.
kuroo wearing rings? YES. he twists his rings on his fingers so much and is always playing with them omg. he finds it so cute when youâre playing w his hands and take off his rings to try them on. heâd make fun of how small your fingers and hands are, secretly loving how cute they are! heâd get matching rings for the two of you for important occasions (every anniversary, he gets you matching silver rings w different designs. if you like the ones w crystals or gems, he most definitely wouldnât mind matching w you! he thinks you have the best taste <3) omg i can also imagine him posting a pic of your hands intertwined, rings on full display, every anniversary!! itâs a lowkey way of showing off his love for you <333
speaking of things that he posts, he wouldnât want everything about your relationship to be public on social media. he likes how only he can see some parts of you (your face after you wake up, you cooking in the kitchen w fuzzy slippers and a huge cozy sweater, your angry expression when he forgets to separate the white clothing from the red clothing in the laundry). he posts cute pictures on your birthday, anniversaries, or when he takes you out to nice dates!! pls heâd write some sappy embarrassing caption tho >:)
i hope you liked these!! i realized that so many of my kuroo hcs are v soft and often overlook how much heâd tease you in a relationship ahaha iâm just obsessed w cute soft moments <33 have a good day, lovely!!
- 𧸠anon :+)
OMG HI !! I LOVE THESE <33 your kuroo hcs never fail to put a smile to my face and make me feel all giddy :'
- awwww jksljdkfj the kiss after tying your shoe- ><
- i feel like he's a very family-oriented person too :'(( thinking about him caring makes my heart ache in a way. he's too kind (if i had a pet, i just know they'd love him ahahaha)
- watching videos with him under covers :(((( in a way, i miss him more aaaaah
- YES YES him spilling tea >>> (he's a good story teller too!! and probably updates you on practically everything he knows :))) so you can learn the side of his life that you can't personally see :'
- ehheehe i'm a camera shy person but the headcanon makes me so soft :'
his teasing has no end omg, especially when he starts making memes out of candid pictures and uses them when texting đ
- i'd go to his room and enjoy his presence any day, any time. i hope his leg doesn't get numb ahahahha
:(( he'll be able to talk about his passions for hours with those sparkles in his cat-like eyes
AWWW PLS SIGN ME UP FOR PRE-SLEEPY TIME KUROO D': your descriptions are making me so soft i can't-
kuroo wearing rings !!!!!!!!!! YES AND A WATCH <33
the social media part :'(( i don't think anyone would appreciate seeing my face when i first wake up ahahaha
PLS THE CAPTIONS WOULD BE SO CHEESY this man has no shame when it comes to expressing his emotions :'D
~~~
i loved loved loved your headcanons, tsym for typing them out and sending them to me :'(( they truly make me happier than anything else i've encountered these past weeks. RIGHT his teasing just has no end.
kuroo teases in a way where you can't deny it, and have to resist a smile while hiding away your face so he can't tease you even more- (is it bad i'm getting butterflies from thinking about it ahhaa)
i'm just as obsessed with soft kuroo headcanons :' they bring me lots of comfort <33
thank you!! and i hope you have lovely day too! and don't forget to hydrate and take care of yourself! :))
lots of love, lia~
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sleeping over at their s/oâs house for the first time [scenarios]
pairings: sakusa kiyoomi; hirugami sachirou; kuroo tetsurou x fem reader
genre: fluff and humor, as per usual
warning(s): n/a
notes: kinda popped off on hirugamiâs part. couldn't help myself. not sorry bout it either. canât wait til we get to see more of his cute lil face in the anime.
he is so painfully awkward I love him
will just stand in the entryway with his duffle slung over his shoulder, staring straight at you until you tell him when he can put his stuff
this literally isnât his first time over at your house but he acts like it???
poor babyâs obviously nervous about ~ spending the night ~
immediately washes his hands
brings his own pillow
asks if youâve sanitized all your surfaces recently/if anyone in your household has been sick lately
does he wanna play video games? not until heâs wiped down all the controllers.
does he wanna watch real housewives? no, but you put it on anyway because you know he secretly loves the drama
does he want a snack? possibly? but refuses to eat on your bed because lying on crumbs is nasty
all he does is get under the covers and hang out
only moves to brush his teeth and, of course, wash his hands
will do a face mask with you but only after thoroughly reading the contents of the bottle/package
wears his hoodie and sweats to bed
is asleep before 10pm
2/10. total party pooper who only gets points because heâs hot and dislikes the same housewives as you do
Moments after releasing a rather loud guffaw at a funny scene from the television show you have playing on your laptop, you hear a small groan echo from beside you. Turning your head to the source of the noise brings your attention to your boyfriend, whose tall form rested on the bed beside you, ensconced in your blankets. His eyelids flutter open and his eyes the color of charcoal fasten on you before narrowing in a small glare of annoyance from underneath the sea of black waves atop his head.
Maybe you wouldâve felt even the slightest bit intimidated if his face wasnât close to being absorbed by the yellow fabric of his hoodie--and if he hadnât flattened his hair against his forehead by closing the drawstrings to secure his hood around his head.
âKiyo!â you whine, crossing your arms in front of you chest, âWere you really asleep just now?â
His dark eyebrows furrow as he answers matter-of-factly, âYes. You know I go to bed at ten oâclock, (f/n). Itâs ten thirty.â
You roll your (e/c) eyes at him and protest, âBut this is a sleepover! Would it kill you to stay awake a little longer so you can spend some precious time with your beloved girlfriend?â
âLack of sleep can lead to sickness. Sickness can lead to death. So, yes, staying awake longer to spend precious time with my beloved girlfriend could kill me.â
âI hate you.â
He lets out a long sigh and reaches over towards your laptop to close it, putting an end to your Real Housewives marathon. Once heâs moved it off of your bed, one of his arms snakes around your waist and pulls your body down towards the mattress. His midnight gaze doesnât falter as he says, âIf you get sick, I wonât be able to spend time with you like this, so sleep with me.â
Your heart skips a beat at his tenderly spoken words, and you crawl underneath the covers so you can place your head on his muscular chest and curl up beside him. The feeling of his warmth surrounding you is enough to make you melt into his arms and forgive him for completely ditching you in favor of sleep.
â(F/n).â
âYes, baby?â
âIf you kick me off the bed, this will be our last sleepover.â
sweet boy who is very excited to spend the night at his girlfriendâs house!!
brings snacks and movies
he enjoys doing any activity with you, whether itâs watching movies, playing video/board games, or just cuddling on the couch and talking
not hard to please at all!!!
watches rom coms with you. secretly a hopeless romantic
youâll probably spend at least ten minutes of your night trying to catch pieces of popcorn in your mouths
and another ten doing the same thing with m&ms
poor boy is too tall to fit under your blankets, so you have to give him an extra one for his legs and feet
bedtime attire consists of boxers with corgis on them, a sweater, and crew socks to keep his tootsies warm đĽş
brings you a pair of matching, corgi-patterned sleeping shorts bc he wants to twin with you
your parents are gone, meaning you can do chaotic activities...
... like baking at 2am!!
he loves to bake (and you canât convince me otherwise). pls bake with him
wants to stay up all night with you but ends up passing out around 3am after y'all eat all the cookies you made together
11/10, best sleepover ever
Few things were more romantic than spending an evening with your boyfriend on your hands and knees, against the cold, tile floor of the kitchen, cleaning up the aftermath of the mess youâd created.
Lifting your gaze from the white goop coating the flooring, you glance over at Hirugami, who looks completely unfazed and unbothered despite his face still being decorated with dollops of whipped cream. Beholding this sight once more sends you into another fit of laughter that makes it hard for you to keep yourself steady.
âWhat?â he asks, a small smile creeping onto his lips at seeing you so amused.
In between breaths, you manage to ask, âWhyâve you still got whipped cream on your face?â
With a roll of his chestnut brown eyes, he uses his fingers to swipe some of it off so he can help himself to another serving. âObviously,â he scoffs sassily, âIâm saving it for later.â His smart comment makes you snort rather unattractively, which, in turn, causes chuckles to pour out from his mouth. âIâm assuming thatâs what youâre doing too, right?â
Your (e/c) eyes widen, since you thought youâd done a good job of clearing up the results of your whipped cream battle from your face. A glance at your reflection in the glass of the oven where the cookies were slowly baking soon proved you wrong. Instead of being irritated by this discovery, however, you let out another, wheezing laugh and fell onto your side.
To any outsider, the situation wouldâve looked rather strange--an incredibly tall volleyball player dressed only in corgi-patterned boxers, a sweater, and socks, face covered in whipped cream as he fell about laughing with his girlfriend who wore a similar ensemble and was sporting the same whipped cream situation. However, in your defense, it was two oâclock am, and you were high on sugar.
"Come over here and Iâll get the rest off your face, then,â Hirugami suggests, extending his long arms towards you that beckon you closer to him. After you scoot closer to him, he pulls you into his embrace and starts peppering your skin reddened from laughing so heartily with kisses. With each press of his lips against your face, your heart flutters in your chest.
He only pulls away from you when the oven beeps, alerting you that the cookies youâve been awaiting are finally ready. But he does so with hesitation, seeing as heâd been caught up in savoring the sweet taste of your lips instead.
âYou ready to eat some cookies?â he asks with a grin.
Your reply makes him snicker: âAlways.â
is fully prepared to stay up the entire night (spoiler alert:Â doesn't)
made an entire party playlist for y'all to listen to throughout the evening
expect lots of dancing, vibing, singing, and buzzfeed unsolved episodes
brings dance dance revolution over to your house and then proceeds to challenge you to a dance off
was not prepared for what you brought to the table
tries twerking to distract you but still fails
will go on a midnight mcdonalds run with you
is the kinda person to share deep, late night thoughts with
only with him can your conversations go from discussing the questions of human existence to debating which form of potatoes is the most elite
will 100% do face masks with you to keep his complexion lookin godly
INSISTS on watching scary movies
expectation:Â âdonât worry, babe; I got you!!â
reality: is visibly shaking underneath the covers, questioning all the shadows in your house
wears only a pair of shorts to bed even tho itâs cold af (he runs hot, if ya know what I mean heheh)
8/10. wouldâve scored the last 2 points if he hadnât stolen the blankets and made you wonder if your house was haunted
"(F/n).â
The familiar and gentle voice of your boyfriend rouses you from your semi-conscious state, and you hear the sheets of your bed rustle.
âIâm so tired, Tetsu... what is it?â you wonder groggily, not even bothering to open your eyes to see whatâs upset him.
âI think your house is haunted,â is his response. Though he speaks calmly and coherently, his hazel eyes are wide with fear and darting around the dark bedroom.
âOh, stop. I knew it was a bad idea to watch those supernatural Buzzfeed Unsolved episodes before bed.â
The bed sinks behind you, and you feel the warmth of the blanket heâd stolen from you earlier around your body as he pulls you towards him so your back is flush against his chest. While you appreciate his closeness to you, you can tell heâs far from relaxed. The grip his fingers have around one of your shoulders is tight, as if heâs using it as a stress ball.
You murmur his name with indignation and pry his cold hand off your shoulder, but press a gentle kiss against the back of it. âBaby, go to sleep.â
He noticeably stiffens when a quiet whoosh sounds from another part of your house. âWhat the heck was that?â he asks from where his face is buried in the back of your neck, too afraid to look around and risk finding something he might not want to see.
âThe dishwasher.â
âY-Yeah,â he stammers, âthe dishwasher... of course...âÂ
With a gentle groan, you lift your head so you can turn and press a gentle kiss against his forehead in an attempt to soothe him. As soon as you plop back down onto your pillow, Kuroo takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, desperate to get a wink of sleep.
The sound of a creak brings both of you to attention moments later, however, and your heart begins to race.
âThat was the house settling... right?â you whisper.
He pulls the blanket over both of your heads, fully cloaking your bodies beneath it and says, âYeah. Yeah. Letâs go with that.â
At this point, you realize itâs going to be a long night for reasons other than those youâd expected.
#fran writes hq!!#sakusa kiyoomi#hirugami sachirou#kuroo tetsurou#hirugami is just too cute we love him here#I feel like kiyoomi loves the tea#he lives for that shit#and kuroo bein a cute lil scaredy cat#we love him tho#we love them all here#haikyuu#hq!!#hirugami sachirou x reader#kuroo tetsurou x reader#sakusa kiyoomi x reader#x reader#reader insert#anime#manga#cute#funny#fluff#haikyuu!!#haikyuu headcanons#headcanons#hcs
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Since requests were open I was wondering if I could request father headcanons for iwai + ushi + atsumu 𼺠btw your writing is vv tasty n I canât wait to see you write more !! Keep up the good work n stay safe !!
haikyuu daddee headcanons
⧠hcâs ⧠for iwaizumi, ushijima, and atsumu
⧠gn reader
â 1.4k words
a/n: omg u called my writing taSTY Dx i cri tySM đ that is a high compliment for me AHAHAHAH ILY and ty for the request!Â
also my lovelies i m back i m sry i was gone so long feojfe i miss yall <3 here u go enjoi, this was fun to write lmk if yall want more characetrs AHAHA
current listen: accidentally in love by sHREK AAHAH jkjk i mean counting crows, they cant take that away from me by ella fitzgerald and louis armstrong, love the way you lie by eminem and rihanna
requests: open!
iwaizumi
⧠prePARED daddy
⧠picked up on this parenting thing p fast, also does a lot of research so heâs ready to face any situation
⧠teaches his kids how to behave n respect others
⧠also makes sure they know not to talk to strangers and teaches them some self defense
⧠be warned these kids are packing a surprise can of whOOP ASS,, dont fuck w them,, plus u wouldnt want buff daddee iwa on ur tail
⧠honestly his kids would be ANGELS ,,, n thats cuz he treats them all so w e l l
⧠mans is ATTENTIVE. he asks his kids about their days, their interests, and encourages discussion about their fEELINGS đĽş
⧠always offers them really valuable and light-hearted advice
⧠and gives them the love and transparency we all wanted but never had--
⧠however his kids are easily (n negatively) influenced esp when uncle oikawa comes to visit--
⧠but mostly bc iwa gets annoyed and slips out a lot of curse words and a âshittykawaâ and then his kids started calling oikawa that and now itâs ingrained in them forever fjoefefgfvi (*distant phlattykawa crying noises*)
⧠gives them LOTS of head pats and ruffles as signs of affection
⧠PACKS THEIR SCHOOL LUNCHES and ensures they eat a balanced meal
⧠attends all their games/events,, will get a bit rowdy hype them up
⧠def lets his kids sleep with him when theyâre having a bad night or woke up scared from a nightmare (and waits for them to fall asleep before going to sleep himself fojref)
⧠when they were babies he usually succeeded to get them to stop crying by pulling funny faces, showing them their favorite cartoons, or humming a lullaby
⧠when they get older,,, u bet iwa would be suPER protective esp when their kids start being iNtErEsTeD in other people
⧠you: âiwaizumi, they seem like a really nice kid, thoughâ
⧠iwa: *sitting with you in the car, across the street from the ice cream parlor your child said they were at, and spying from the window* âyou canât trust everyone, of course they seem ânice,â they just want our approvalâ
⧠definitely did not interrupt his childâs potential first kiss at their houseâs doorstep by slamMINg the door open âsUDDENLYâ cuz he âhEard TheIR vOicEs and THougHt TO lET them Inâ
⧠effectively traumatized both kids
⧠tho he felt bad after n u made him go apologize so he did (and he was forgiven, only if he agreed to never spy on them again--)
⧠doesnât stop him from scrutinizing every person yalls kid introduces to you tho
⧠overall a super supportive dad, 11/10
ushijima
⧠ok dEF does not know much about parenting ,, at first
⧠stared at his child like ???nani when you both changed their first diaper
⧠also had plenty of staring contests with his babies ,,, called it bonding
⧠was curious and tasted baby food once,,, immediately regretted it
⧠once put a volleyball next to his child, who attempted to bite it, and took it as a sign that they liked it
⧠after sum time n practice, his mind becomes split between âhow to volleyballâ and âhow to dadâ
⧠catch him in the kitchen wearing an apron and whipping up his kidsâ favorite smiley face pancakes đ¤đ¤
⧠has an amazing ability to get his kids to stop crying, does really simple things like give them their favorite toy or place a gentle hand on their hand or attend to their needs (mans can tell if they want food or needa poop) and they calm down immediately
⧠carried them on his shoulders once and now they never stop asking him for shoulder rides (not that he minds anyway)
⧠if theres two kids he can probs carry one on each shoulder cuz cmon ,,, have u seen this man
⧠always goes to every performance/game/event his child takes part in
⧠man smiles so soft⢠when he goes to the 1st grade play and sees his kidâs name in the program next to their role as âtownsperson bâ (next year, they upgraded to âsinging carrotâ in a play about the food pyramid)
⧠if his kid ends up enjoying volleyball, he will teach them e v e r y t h i n g they need to know
⧠but is overall super supportive of anything else his child pursues and doesnât push anything onto them, would rather let them choose what they want to do
⧠had n o idea what to do when his kid asked him about the birds n the bees asfghkl
⧠couldnt sleep one night thinking about it and just randomly asks you while yall laying in bed in the dARk like âso our child asked me how babies are made and I told them they came from watermelon seedsâ (you: đď¸đđď¸ âcome againâ)
⧠you: *at the grocery store with your child*
⧠child: *hands you watermelon* âI want a little brother!â
⧠you: âhaha of course honeyâ đď¸đđď¸ what do i do (*later to ushijima* âduhfojhguf we needa get another baby i promised our child a younger brother fohurofâ ; ushi: âwatâ ; you: âitS YOUR FAULTâ)
⧠yall eventually tell them not every watermelon can produce babies only really special ones that are really hard to get fhuoefkfotfi theyre not ready for the truth
⧠another great daddee, we stan
atsumu
⧠knew parenting was stressful esp with bABieS but was like eh it cant be that bad right
⧠think again
⧠g o o d b y e  s l e e p
⧠develops phat bags under his eyes, responds with a weak âaha im fine just that parenting life and the kids ykNOWâ whenever his teammates ask if heâs oKAY
⧠tried to tempt his kids to eat their mush baby food by trying it himself, nearly gagged but was able to say âeughh yuMMâ
⧠loves to lift them high up in the air, even throws them up a little and nearly drops them (yall almost died from feAR but babie was having so much fun,,, yall agreed to be just a bit more careful)
⧠rlly bad at getting them to stop crying, gets very stressed when heâs exhausted every option he can think of then calls you over for some help/advice (you: *immediately calms them down* ; ratsumu: âhow--â)
⧠calls up osamu a lot to ask him how to make food ,, then simps whenever his twin brother comes over and the kids are in love with this man and his cooking (âdad why cant you make stuff as yummy as thisâ)
⧠very affectionate with his kids, gives them lots of hugs and kisses on the forehead
⧠plays with them a lot! whether itâs sports, just dance, animal crossing, or UNO, yOU NAME IT WE PLAY IT
⧠also has no mercy when playing competitive video or board games,, has made them cry more than once LOL
⧠so sometimes he toned it down n let them win,, until his kids actually got better and DEMOLISH him every time
⧠is cool with his kids cursing, just as long as they donât do it in front of their teachers LMAO
⧠plays innocent when he gets a call from school saying his kid was using âinappropriate languageâ and is like âwhaaat? my child? im not even sure where they learned that, maybe check if the other kids in class are saying those things, too--â
⧠reminisces how much nicer his kids were to him when they were younger and all the time they spent together,,, bc now that they reached their tEeNS they want alone time
⧠wants to be B) cool dad so he tries kinda hard, esp in front of their friends but his kidâs just like dad pls dofjrgjigtgro
⧠also very supportive of whatever his kids want to pursue and dedicates time to help them in whatever ways he can (whether that be to help them practice, make sure he can provide transportation, get them supplies, etc)
⧠always playfully competing with you to see whoâs the âbetterâ parent (you win by default)
⧠PROTECTIVE dad and will easily intimidate ANYONE who crosses his kids
⧠takes sum adjustment and mental resilience but daddee atsumu perseveres  đ¤ absolutely loves his kids and would do anything for them Â
#haikyuu x reader#iwaizumi x reader#ushijima x reader#atsumu x reader#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu x you#haikyuu daddies#LOL#iwaizumi hajime#iwaizumi haijime x reader#ushijima wakatoshi x reader#ushijima wakatoshi#atsumu miya#ratsumu#atsumu miya x reader#haikyuu reader insert#requests
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