#if anyone knows german. if german is a real language. PLEASE contact me i need professional help with one of his lines

[kinokoshoujoart]

currebt events have reminded me that i forgot to update about a very heartbreaking devastating development

i’ve been getting Slapped Silly for apparently posting actual genitalia on my twitter dot com. but it’s just. a direct screenshot of an all ages farming sim. i even censored it the second time and i STILL got slapped!!!!

completely real extremely human carefully reviewed my appeal and determined Nope Still Porn Bozo

[bestofbucky]

The Signal (1/2)

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: Angst, death, blood, canon level violence, swearing.

Summary:  You go on a mission with Bucky.

A/N: Part 2 will hopefully be up sometime soon.

“You ready doll?” Bucky asked as you were nearing your drop off point. 

You nod back, not trusting your voice. No matter how many times you have had to parachute from a quinjet it will never get easier. Of course, Bucky can tell how nervous you are by the way you avoid eye contact and start tugging at the straps of your harness. He pulls your hands away replacing them with his own as he safety checks your parachute.

You know that you have done it all correctly but having him double check it is the reassurance you need. You watch him, his slightly furrowed brow and tongue poking out giving away how concentrated he is. 

He finishes his final check and looks up at you, “What are you smiling about?” He can’t stop his own grin from spreading across his face. Bucky didn’t just smile with his mouth, he smiled through the crinkles in the outer corners of his eyes, he smiled through the scrunch of his nose and he smiled through the relaxation of his whole body.

“You.” The contentment you feel, that comes from simply being near Bucky, is obvious in your body language and voice. His eyes glimmer as he leans forward pressing a gentle kiss to your lips.

Bucky had joined the team about two years ago. For one of his first missions you were paired up, you worked so seamlessly together that it would be silly not to put you with each other for more missions. This resulted in the two of you becoming close friends, he trusted and confided in you and you felt the same. 

It would be normal for the two of you to be holed up together after a tough mission, looking after the other but not wanting any social interaction with anyone else. You were both extremely similar like that, tending to fall inwards but you both became experts at drawing the other one out.

It was a natural transition from friendship to romantic relationship. You had just come back from mission and you were cuddled up in Bucky’s bed watching a film. Bucky had turned to you out of the blue and asked if you wanted to go on a date with him to which you immediately agreed. The feelings were already there from the bond you had formed, it was just the physical side that was needed.

This wasn’t a difficult thing to develop for either of you. Bucky had never met someone who completely overwhelmed his thoughts and feelings as much as you did. You were always on his mind whether it was a comment Sam made that he knew you would be on the floor laughing at or a mental picture of you sleeping, the morning light making your skin glow softly. He thought you always looked like an angel but especially in those moments.

You had never met anyone who's laughter was so infectious, it had become addicting to be the one to pull those noises from him, to lose yourself in his lopsided grins and crinkled eyes. He drew you in like a butterfly to nectar. You couldn’t get enough of him. His voice, his hands, his kisses.

This mission, on paper, was a simple one. Apart from jumping out of a quinjet and landing onto a moving train, all you and Bucky had to do was stop an illegal trade. That’s it. The mission file didn’t cover who the parties involved in the deal were. From your experience, being trained at the Academy and moving up the ranks of SHIELD before finally becoming an Avenger, you know that illegal trades are normally between civilians who are in over their heads in some kind of criminal group. However, not long into the mission you realised it wasn’t simple at all.

It turns out that one of the ‘unknown parties’ is Hydra, never a good sign. The weapons they are dealing are enhanced with alien technology and they somehow knew that you and Bucky were coming. The only reason the mission didn’t get pulled is because the rest of the team was on standby, ready to step in at any moment.

In fact, the job got so complicated, so quickly, that you and Bucky found yourselves at the back of the train, severely outnumbered and being pushed closer and closer to the edge of the train where the back wall had been blown to pieces by the very weapons involved in the trade.

It was loud, the sounds of fighting were drowned out by the noises of the wheels on the tracks. The train was moving fast and the wind was whirling around the carriage meaning just one misstep could send you flying off the train and landing on the tracks below.

There was a moment when you thought you were a goner, but Bucky managed to haul you back into the carriage, putting himself between you and the edge of the train. A move that warmed your heart, knowing his history with trains was not a good one.

“I fucking hate trains.” You remember him saying when you had first got the mission brief. “Nothing good ever happens on trains.” You had laughed back then, but there was nothing funny about the situation you were in now.

The next ten seconds seemed to happen so quickly. One of the attackers yelled something in what you assumed to be German, he was holding the weapon you recognised to be the same as the one that blew out the back wall of the carriage. Next thing you knew Bucky had wrapped his arm around you and was launching you both off the train. 

Time slowed and you seemed to float mid-air as you watched the carriage go up in flames, shrapnel flying everywhere, the heat burning your eyes and forcing them closed. Then came the impact of the fall, quite luckily Bucky had managed to aim for the snow on the sides of the train tracks and not in the train tracks themselves.

Bucky immediately sits up and sends the signal for extraction, he then starts checking himself for injuries. You are lying on your side facing him, half your body concealed by the snow, the other half just poking out. His eyes travel to you as he looks over your body.

“Are you hurt anywhere?” The concern was clear in his voice.

“No, I think I’m ok.” You try to move yourself but wince slightly. “I think I landed funny though because my side hurts.” You manoeuvre yourself onto your back. As soon as you get your right side out of the snow a gasp causes you to snap your head towards Bucky who is just staring in shock at your stomach.

His eyes are wide, eyebrows slanted upwards and mouth open slightly. You know whatever it is can’t be good. Gathering up the courage to look down at your stomach, you lift up onto your forearms. Finally looking down, the sight causes bile to rise and you have to stop yourself from gagging. A piece of shrapnel about the size of an A5 piece of paper is sticking out of your side. There is so much blood around it that it is hard to tell what it is and how deep it has gone.

It’s as if looking at it made it real because the pain suddenly hits you. Out of instinct your hand flies towards the wound to try and hold it or soothe it but Bucky quickly catches your hand stopping you. It’s like a flip switched in his mind. He suddenly starts stripping off his clothing. He takes his shirt and undershirt off before putting the rest of his gear back on. He moves behind you, placing his legs either side of you and lifting your upper body carefully, so you are now leaning on him. He manages to wrap your wound, careful to go around the shrapnel to try to stop the bleeding, but not push it in anymore. He continues to do the same with as much of his clothing as he can afford to lose in the snow. He takes your left hand and puts it over the clothing, then places his hand on top, telling you to press down as hard as you can, as he does the same.

You start to feel lightheaded, the pain in your side only getting stronger.

“Stay with me doll, backup is on its way. They’ll find us.” Bucky is practically begging and you try your hardest to keep your eyes open.

“You were right.” You say after a while and Bucky gives you a puzzled look. “Nothing good ever happens on trains.” You chuckle at your own joke but quickly stop when it causes shooting pains to fly through your body.

Bucky lets out a sharp breath from his nose. “When you get through this you will be able to join my ‘I survived a fall from a train’ club.” He jokes smiling down at you.

“I can’t imagine there are very many members of that club.” You smile back at him and he laughs, you can tell he is trying to distract you but you let him anyway.

“No, at the moment it’s just me. The events the club holds are very fun though!” His eyes light up as he continues to look down at you. “We’ve had freight night, that was watching scary movies that have a train in at some point. There’s train reaction, which is like the telephone game, that one was quite difficult with one person.” He laughs at himself which makes you giggle, trying not to contract your stomach. It doesn’t work and the shooting pains are back. The smile is still clear on your face and Bucky reaches his free hand up to push a bit of hair behind your ear.

“Bucky.” You whisper to get his attention, the words you want to speak are clear in the look of longing in your eyes. 

“No, baby please I don’t want to hear you say whatever you are going to say. You fight through this and you can tell me whatever it is when you’re better.” A frown is clear on his face.

“But I-“

“Please doll. You want to tell me whatever it is so badly, then use it as a reason to fight this. To come out the other side.” You scan his face and from the crease lines in his brow and the desperation in his eyes you can tell he already knows what you want to say.

You both fall into a comfortable silence. You realise being in Bucky’s arms is probably your favourite place to be. Feeling his chest steadily rise and fall, your head gently moving with it. You feel so protected, cherished, peaceful.

That is until Bucky looks down at your stomach to see that all the clothing he tried to use to wrap the wound has been completely soaked in your blood, he visibly winces. You move your head slightly to try and get a look but Bucky uses his free hand to tilt your chin up so you are looking at him instead. He holds the eye contact as he takes his jacket off and drapes it over you, covering your wound from your sight and warming you up as much as he can.

As secretively as he could, he sent the signal out to the team. The signal only used in extreme emergencies. Three long holds. The signal to say an agent doesn’t have long left to live.

The sharp sting of the cold has faded into exhaustion as the pain retreats from your body leaving behind a numbness you have never experienced before.

“I always thought I’d be alone.” You say pensively, “I never thought about death too much. I just always assumed I’d be alone when it happened.” You were slurring your words. If you were more aware of your surroundings you would have felt Bucky tense up at your words. Looking up into his blue eyes you wondered if death would be as serene as them.

“You’re not alone. I’m here.” Bucky’s once motivational words, convincing you to hold on, shift to words intended to comfort you, to draw out the fear of your final moments and replace them with solace. You had closed your eyes, his reassuring whispers gradually fading away as he cradled you close to his chest. You wanted to be able to hear his heartbeat but all you could hear was the erratic beating of your own heart pounding in your head. 

In the far distance you felt commotion around you so you used what was left of your energy to open your eyes one final time. The sight you were greeted with sent a wave of emotion through you. Your team members, your friends, they were all gathered around you, kneeling or standing in the snow.

“My family is here.” You smile to yourself as you let the tiredness overtake you. The last thing you feel is an ice cold tear rolling down your cheek. An overwhelming sense of calm consumes your body and your worries and fears simply fade to nothingness. 

Bucky knew even before the Avengers turned up that your chances of surviving this were slim. You were bleeding out fast and it was showing no sign of slowing. It killed Bucky to know that all he could do was make you as comfortable and reassure you as much as possible in your final moments of life.

When the team got Bucky’s first signal, the plan was for just Tony to go down and retrieve you both. Then the second signal came in. They all silently agreed they would land the quinjet and all go together, maybe to say goodbye if they had enough time. If not, just to be with you when you take your last breath. They all knew that there was nothing any of them could do.

What none of them could have predicted was Helen Cho and a SHIELD team transporting the cradle from one base to another. The flight path directly over your current location. Their quinjet picked up Bucky’s radio signal and they made the choice to land to see if they could help.

Upon arrival Helen rushed straight to you, checking for signs of life, she must have felt something because she ordered for you to be put in the cradle as quickly as possible.

Bucky was frozen, no he wasn’t cold, he was a super soldier, the cold barely affected him. He was simply in a state of daze, unable to move himself to get you into the cradle. Steve could see this and swiftly took you into his arms carrying you onto the other quinjet and placing you down in the cradle. As soon as you were secure Helen was directing a team of people to all do different things. Steve stepped out of the jet, not wanting to get in the way.

No one spoke, they all had their hopes that you would be ok, but no one was particularly optimistic. 

“We’ll take her to my lab, she’s not in a good condition and this jet can only sustain the cradle for so long, we can take one or two of you in this jet with us, but feel free to follow in yours.” Helen had stepped out and as soon as she finished her sentence it was like a flip switched inside everyone.

The team made their way back onto the quinjet but Bucky hadn’t moved, he was bathed in your blood, a ring of red surrounding him a stark contrast to the blinding white of the snow. Bucky gratefully accepted Steve’s hand helping him onto his shaky legs. He looked down at where he had just been. The red crater left in the snow told the story of what had happened but Bucky still couldn’t quite believe it.

Steve’s hand on Bucky’s shoulder guided him to the quinjet you were in. He sat there staring ahead unable to do anything more, Steve stayed close by his side but knew not to push anything.

“She wanted to tell me something.” Bucky suddenly breaks the silence but his gaze stays fixed ahead. “She wanted to tell me something and I couldn’t let her finish because I wanted to stay strong for her.” Steve stays silent knowing he wasn’t finished. “I didn’t let her say anything because I knew I would have broken down in front of her.” He continues as tears start to fall from his eyes. He feels everything, guilt, regret, pain, loss, hope but at the same time feels nothing at all. His body numb and still in shock.

“What if it was her dying wish to say whatever it was and I took that away from her.” A crack in Bucky’s voice causes Steve’s heart to contract. He pulls his friend into a hug, Bucky gladly accepting the comfort.

“We both know what she was going to say Buck,” Steve takes a deep breath to try to stop himself from crying, “and we know how she is. If she thought for one second you didn’t know what she was going to say, then she wouldn’t have let you stop her from saying it.” 

Of course Bucky knew what you were going to say because he felt it too. He knew, because to kill you both only one of you actually had to die.

Taglist: @vampirewithbedsidemanners @townwitchbitch @velvetcardiganbucky

[antiherocorner]

Niki Lauda - The White Wolf

A Werewolf! Niki Lauda x Reader fic (18+)

Headcanons: 

So... This is my first AU ever... And also this is my first smut... Kind of... Thing... Ever... Sex scene, let's go with that... I was debating to post it in smaller parts, or a bigger one. I decided the second one might be better.

This is a mess, and a random idea... This could be a psychedelic trip, while you're watching fucking Twilight... Yes, I am familiar with the Twilight Saga... No, I wasn't Team Jacob... No, I didn't intend to base this on that... But it might has some similar stuff (no vampires)... Small stuff... All of them were unintentional, really.... Well... 1 or 2 things weren't, but most of them.

English is still not my native language, apologies for the grammatical mistakes, I tried.

Taglist: @rumblelibrary (you are my first tag in a fic written by me aaaaaaa🥺❤️🔥)

Summary: Your car broke down while you're on a road trip, on your own. You need someone to fix it. There's a small town. What could possibly happen?...

Warnings: smut, unprotected sex (don't do it kids), swearing, possibly smoking, drinking, mention of scar (nothing big or serious), google translated German, bad dog jokes, puns, and no, i didn't make a "real" wolf fuck the Reader, i'm not that kinky, i imagined the Reader to be female, but can be gender neutral, no name, or age mentioned, no use of y/n either... That's it?... Idunno, still new to this

(collage made by me, i don't own the pictures, i just used them, it's also very amateur, I haven't done a collage in ages)

🐺🤍❤️

You were in your car ‘till your waist. The damn thing broke down half way into your road trip. You have had enough of your monotonous everyday life, so you decided to pack up the essential stuff of yours, get your car together, and head out into the unknown. You have already seen beautiful mountains from a distance, gone through deep, mysterious forests, taken many pictures. You have tried to live in your car, but occasionally you have stayed in some cheap, low budget motels for 1 or 2 nights. You always had trust in your car, yet there you were. It didn’t run out of gas, it just suddenly stopped in the middle of the road, just outside of a small town. It looked rather friendly, and not busy at all. There wasn’t any other car passing by, so you did what you thought was the best decision: packed your bag, locked the car, and started walking into the town, praying to find someone, anyone really, who can maybe lend a helping hand.

The people you saw were really kind, it seemed they didn’t really get too many outsiders in their small town, and they seemed happy for you. They told you that there was one car mechanic in the town, a little group of guys. They also told you about a motel, which was always open for travellers, and due to the lack of them, it was basically empty. You decided to go to the motel first. The receptionist was a friendly old lady, who, again, got very excited to finally have someone at her place. You got your room, for a very small price, went in and unpacked some of your stuff. You really wanted to know what was up with your car, or if it could be fixed at all, so you didn’t waste much time in your new temporary place. After a few minutes you headed out to the streets, to the direction where you were told before to find the mechanics.

It was one of those warm days, so you were glad you found what you were looking for. You heard music coming out of an open garage. Above the doors you read “The Rat's Den”.

- Hello?... - you popped your head in the garage.

- Can I help you with something? - a tall, blonde haired man, with broad shoulders approached you. He had a cheeky smile on his face, sweat under his long locks. Oh, and shirtless.

- I uhm.. My car broke down just down the main road - you gestured with your hand where your car was - And I was just wondering if you could help me with it… I don’t know what could be the problem, I have been traveling with it for the past few days, weeks, everything was fine up until now. I just can’t get it to work.

- Sure, we can take a look at that thing - you turned your head to the direction from where another voice caught your attention. Another man just slipped out from under a car. He had curly hair, slimmer body than the blonde one, but still tall. You looked him in the eye as he came over. His eyes were like a river of caramel pudding, and they were glowing like a forest fire in the middle of the night. Your mouth watered.

- Thank.. You… - you said shyly. What’s happening? You normally aren't this shy… - When can you do that?

- Are you staying in that old motel? - asked the curly one.

- Yes.

- Alright. Is that good, if I go there around 7 am tomorrow, so I can take a look at it before I open the garage?

- Y-yeah… sure.

- It’s a date then. I’m Niki Lauda, by the way, that’s James Hunt. - he gestured towards the blonde one, James. You didn’t even notice him leaving you two. You told him your name.

- It was nice meeting you. I’ll be there at 7.

- Okay. See you then. And thank you.

- It’s no problem.

And with that you headed out of the garage. You turned back before you completely went outside. You saw a tattoo on James' right shoulder. You didn’t see every detail, but you felt a strange feeling. Unconsciously your eyes wandered to Niki. He was wearing a white shirt, but you could still see a glimpse of something similar, at least as you guessed, just under his neck. Strange.

You went back to the motel. You couldn’t go to sleep during the night so easily. You had a weird feeling about The Rat’s Den. Some kind of an aura was around it. It looked like any other garages where they repair cars and that’s it, but not there. There was something. You couldn’t really describe what you were feeling, or grasp what you should even be looking for. Something was up, you were sure about that.

🐺🤍❤️

After a few hours of sleep, you woke up. Niki could be here any minute now. You freshened up a little bit, you felt like shit due to the lack of sleep. Suddenly, you heard a loud car noise. You were the only one there at the motel, you guessed that was Niki. Honk. Yes, most definitely. You opened the door for an old, shiney Ferrari, with Niki sitting at the front.

- You’re coming or no, Schatzi?

You blushed by the petname, but quickly composed yourself, locked your room’s door, and jumped into the passenger seat. The man asked you about where you left your car. You answered and he drove to the correct directions. The short journey was mostly silent, with small talks. You stared out of the window, so you missed the spectating eyes of his.

- You’re good? You look exhausted…

- I’m okay, I just haven’t slept much. - you turned to him.

- Well, that makes the two of us.

You looked at him with curious eyes, but he remained silent, eyes focused on the road. You couldn’t read him, but tried to observe his features. He was pale, especially his knuckles as he was basically suffocating that poor wheel. He was taking deep and slow breaths. He looked like he was having a hard time in his own car.

- Is that your car? - Niki snapped you out of your thoughts.

- Yes, yes, that’s it.

Niki stopped his car in front of yours. You got out, and walked to it. He asked for your keys, so he could open the hood of the car. You took them out of your packet, then placed them in his open palm. Fingers briefly touched. He was warm. Surprisingly warm. For a moment you thought you heard him sharply inhale, but he quickly busied himself with your car. He has a nice butt. You immediately scolded yourself and turned your back to him, leaning on the side of the car, while he was working. After a few minutes, awkward silence, and some rattling, he straightened himself and turned to you.

- The engine gave up. Although it’s nothing serious or expensive, it will take some day to fix it properly, so it won’t die again. - so I stuck here yey - How long will you stay?

- As long as I don’t have a car I guess… - you massaged your nose, the lack of sleep started to catch up - I took it to a mechanic before I left… That’s just great…

- Well, that asshole did a shit job… It’s obvious what’s wrong, and it didn’t happen overnight. - he shrugged and closed the hood - I can’t take it back to the garage now, but during the afternoon I will come back for it with a more usable car.

- Sounds like a plan - you nodded and extended your arm to take your keys back.

Your fingers brushed against his, again, but this time the contact shot electricity up in your arm, which caused you to drop the keys. You instantly crouched after it, but what you grabbed weren’t your keys. It was a hand. Niki’s hand. How does he have these quick reflexes? You looked up, still holding his hand, and just realized that your faces were just a few centimeters away from each other. Both of you froze. Niki even seemed like he wasn’t breathing. His eyes were on yours, before he looked down to your lips. You licked them unconsciously. He purred. What?

- We should get back to the town.

He jumped up, leaving your keys on the ground. You tried to get yourself together, picked up your keys and sat back into his car. The way back to the garage was in complete silence. He didn’t purr, did he? He just breathed weirdly… I am imagining stuff… Right? You were confused.

🐺🤍❤️

Not much happened during the rest of the day. You tried to look around the little place, bought some food and just relaxed in your room. When the sun started to settle down you realized that you didn’t give your car keys back to Niki. You left each other in such a hurry, after he took you back to his garage, none of you had it in mind. You couldn’t call him, you didn’t have his number, and you didn’t really want to walk there. Throughout the whole day you had a strange feeling. Something was definitely up. You just felt it in your guts. Niki was like any other man and yet, he had an aura that just gave off some vibes which you just couldn’t grasp, no matter how hard you tried. You were pacing in your room when you looked out of your window. A red Ferrari just stopped in front of the motel. What, is he a mind reader too? You opened your door, spinning your keys in the air with your right hand.

- Catch! - you shouted, throwing them at his back, but before it could hit him, he turned around and caught them in his left hand with incredible accuracy.

You weren't expecting that. He didn’t say anything, just smirked and winked at you, as you locked eyes. You blushed deeply, and he disappeared just as quickly as he came by.

🐺🤍❤️

During the evening, you couldn’t rest. Again. This time you decided to go for a little walk. You weren’t really paying attention to where you were going. You just wandered around the quiet, calm town. It seemed like everyone was fast asleep. Not a single person, not a single soul was up. You arrived at a little dirt road which was leading you to a forest, next to your temporary home. You didn’t know why, you followed it. You got to a little field which was shielded with huge trees from the outside world. Some rays of sunshine were still peeking through the bushes, giving it an angelic look. Little red flowers covered your newly found small area. It felt like you were in a fairytale. But you weren’t. You heard a branch break behind you. You turned on your heels, just in time to see a huge, black wolf coming out from the bushes. It looked unusual, there was something in its face, in its eyes that was off. Human? It had a human kind of amused face expression. In the middle of your observation you just realized it was coming close. You panicked. Just when you thought it was going to rip you apart, another one jumped between the two of you, from behind you. This one was white, and slightly bigger. It growled at its own kind, like it was telling him to fuck off. The black wolf looked at you one last time and took off into the trees. The remaining animal calmed down, before it turned to you. It looked majestic. There was something royal in its posture. Around its neck and on his chest it had little patches of curly fur, like a mane. It had a cut on its lip, probably just had a fight, maybe with its prey. It looked deep into your eyes, like it was staring into your soul. There was something familiar in those eyes. The eyes were glowing, and like a river of caramel. Wait. You took a step forward and it instantly disappeared into the shadows. You really did needed to sleep.

🐺🤍❤️

You jolted up in your bed. You were covered in sweat, hair was messy. You massaged your face while you were trying to catch your breath, even your breathing. You looked at the clock. 1:30am. You managed to sleep for about an hour, before the nightmare woke you up. You saw the wolves again. They were circling you. The black one jumped forward and tackled you to the ground. Your sight got blurry, but you could still make out the silhouette of the white one. It changed into a man. It had curly hair. You felt like someone or something was watching you. You walked to the window, and pushed the curtain aside. You saw a wolf, watching you from the otherside of the road. A white wolf. That wolf. You immediately turned around, hands were burying in your hair. What the hell is going on? Am I going crazy? What is this place? A knock on the door caused you to jump. With shake legs and hands, you went to the door and opened it. Niki was leaning on the door jamb, with his left hand.

- What an earth are you… - you started with a confused look but it quickly changed into a shock, your eyes got wide when you looked at his lips. He had a fresh scar there. - There’s no way…

- I can’t do this anymore. You drive me crazy. - he looked at you with a beast-like expression on his face.

- What do y- - you couldn’t finish your question.

Niki technically broke into your room, then kicked the door closed. He didn’t mean to scare you, but he was on the edge of completely losing control over himself. He took a step towards you. You didn’t step back. You couldn’t. That animal look on him made your legs weak, your mouth dry. The lust in his eye made you want him. You licked your lips. That was the last straw for him. The next thing you knew you were thrown against the wall. His mouth was on your neck, sucking and biting like a hungry wolf. He didn’t want to hurt you, but he didn’t plan to go easy and kind on you either. He hooked his hands under your knees, picked you up and you instantly wrapped your legs around his waist. His fingers dug into the flesh of your ass and thighs.

- Your smell is intoxicating to me. I still don’t know how did I manage to not to rip your clothes off and fuck you on the hood of your car, when there were just the two of us, alone. - he confessed into your ear, and that made you feel all kinds of incoherent thoughts.

You wanted to answer, but when he sucked on your collarbone, the only thing that came out of your mouth was a moan, which could have been heard in Hell as well. He growled in response, grabbed your shirt on the back, and tore it in half with such ease, letting it fall to the carpet. He took you away from the wall, then placed your back on your bed. He sit up, just to took of his shirt. He placed himself between your legs, arms next to your head to keep himself from crushing you. He looked you deep in the eye. The warm that radiated from him was unbearable. It made your stomach turn in itself. He leaned in to capture your lips, but he stopped just millimeters away from you. There was a silent question in the air. He got his answer when you closed your eyes. When your lips met, you felt like you jumped to another dimension. He tasted like a mixture of cigarette and beer. Your hands found their ways into his curls. His breath stuttered for a second, before letting out a purring sound into your lips and mouth. He liked that. No. He loved that. His left hand wandered down between the two of you, to pull your pants down. You let him. Then it was your turn to free him from his pants. He let you. He was bigger than you would have imagined, and thick. And also hard like a rock. You gently grabbed him to pump him a little bit, but he didn’t let you have your fun for too long. He needed you badly. He wanted to bury himself in you. He pulled your hand away from him, and just as you were to pull your legs up for him to get a better angle, he tightened his grip on your arm a little bit, and turned you around like he just picked up a feather. You got confused for a second but when you felt him at your entrance you put the puzzle together. Oh. He is half wolf after all. And without a second word he trusted his hips toward and filled you up. You pressed your face into your blanket to suppress some of your cry.

- I’m sorry, but you really bring the animal out of me... Meine schöne Beute...- was all he whispered, but waited for a little bit for you, to get used to him, before he started moving.

From slow and sensual trusts, you quickly arrived to needy and shameless fucking. His occasional growles got mixed with your load moans. Niki kept biting your neck and shoulders, and you couldn’t do anything, rather just take it. Not that you had any coherent thoughts about doing anything in that position. As both of you were coming closer to reaching your desires, Niki’s hands found their ways to the back of your own ones, interlocked your fingers, and raised both his and your arms above your heads on the bed. You saw the finish line, but before you could register the checkered flag, your pleasure hit you like a racecar. The man behind you finished the race as a close second. He stayed inside you until he got soft, then collapsed on the bed beside you. After you stopped seeing stars, you looked at him. He was already looking at you with his big caramel eyes. You felt this urge to cuddle him, you were already missing his warmth, although he wasn’t that far from you. He looked like he sensed your thoughts, because he opened one of his arms, invitingly. You quickly snuggled to his side, head on his chest. He was drawing circles on your back with the hand that was behind you. You reached up to the back of his neck, and started to slowly massaging the hair on it. He instantly started purring.

- I love this sound… - you slightly chuckled.

- I can get used to this… - he smiled.

- So am I... - the broken car was long forgotten.

Both of you drifted off to sleep like this, in the arms of each other. The last thing you heard was Niki’s heartbeat. Thump. Thump. Thump. Honk.

You shot your eyes open. You were in your car. In a parking lot. You sit up, confused, trying to solve your thoughts. You were tired, so you stopped to sleep a little bit in your car, before you reached your next destination. Was this all a dream? You climbed over to the driver’s seat. Started the car. Looked in the mirror on your right, on your left, then on the middle one. You saw a little purple spot under your shirt, around your neck. You pulled the shirt aside. A hickey on your collarbone.

🐺🤍❤️

The End?...

[fandomwriterstuff]

Traumtänzer (Pt. 2)

Rated T

German Translations:

Mein Gott - My God

Der Herr de Ringe - The Lord of the Rings

Il Principe - The Prince

Part 1

Part 3

“So… He went back in time to meet up with a woman he kissed once and who was happily married with children?” You asked skeptically. That didn’t sound like the Steven you’d known. But then again, you hadn’t known him all that well.

“It’s confusing, but that’s the gist of it,” Sam interjected, taking a sip of his tea. The four of you were getting cozy in your living room, though it was a bit small. Sam and James shared the couch and you and the Baron found yourselves in arm chairs.

“Why are you so willing to stick your neck out for him?” James asked, looking for more information.

���He,” you paused. How much should you say? “He helped me out when I had nothing,” you shrugged and looked down into your empty teacup. Chamomile had always been a favorite of yours.

“That explains why you owe him a favor, but you’re really going out of your way. You know we’re harboring a criminal,” James nodded towards the Baron. You squinted your eyes at him, wondering if he could be trusted.

“He kept my secret… He found out my background and he didn’t turn me over to the authorities or insist I go get tested on,” you could tell you’d piqued their attention with that one. It was true, what you’d been thinking before. You didn’t tell anyone about your background, but Wanda had seen you and told Steven, and he helped you get off the grid. “How do I know I can trust you?”

“You don’t,” the Baron finally spoke up. “But we’re not in a place to be helping SHIELD out considering the circumstances, so we have no real reason to turn you over.” You accepted his answer with a frown. It wasn’t a lot but he was right.

“I knew the Maximoffs when they worked for HYDRA because my parents were secretly HYDRA agents,” you looked down into the teacup again, fighting the tensing of your muscles and the urge to run. “They sent me in to be experimented on by the-” You lost the word for scepter. Damn it all. “The thing, you know.” You rolled your eyes and growled, swearing in Sokovian. The Baron smirked at that. “ The scepter, god what’s the fucking word,” you mumbled in Sokovian. You knew James and Sam wouldn’t understand but the Baron was Sokovian and should be helping you out. “ Help a girl out,” you pleaded in Sokovian, and you could tell he was holding back a laugh.

“The scepter?” He added in English.

“Yes!” You exclaimed. “They experimented on me with the scepter!” You were so excited to have found the correct word, you didn’t notice the silence or meaningful glances James and Sam sent each other. “So I got some cool powers, they ran a lot of tests, terrible time,” You continued quickly, wanting to get this part over with. “Steven knew this, and helped me get off the grid. I owe him more than a favor, I owe him my freedom, my life,” you said emphatically.

“So you’re HYDRA?” James asked, tensing up. You glared over at him.

“I do not associate myself with Nazis, James,” you were cold, but this was a tough topic. “I was forcibly experimented on for years, and you think I would willingly associate myself with them? You should know better.”

He had the self-awareness to look a little ashamed, though you couldn’t care less. You didn’t need his shame or his pity.

After a brief pause, you sighed. “You can stay here for a little bit. Where are you going next?”

“Madripoor,” the Baron answered smoothly, and you choked on your own spit.

“ Mein Gott,” you mumbled. “Why on Earth would you want to go there?”

“We have business there,” he said, noncommittal. You raised your eyebrows, so it was top secret. Interesting. You stared at each other for a moment, unsure where your next words would lead you. You didn’t want to push too far but your curiosity was burning.

“I suppose I will prepare dinner,” you finally said after losing a staring contest with a criminal.

It was an uneventful night. You prepared food and you all ate in silence. It was only later when you were sitting in the living room reading Der Herr der Ringe that things got weird. James was sharpening a knife while Sam fiddled with some electronics. The Baron was reading your copy of Il Principe quietly.

“ What is your superpower, then? Wanda has her mind tricks and Pietro had his speed,” the Baron was speaking in quiet Sokovian, though he didn’t even glance up from his book. You noticed James side-eye him, but he left it for the moment.

“ I hardly think I should tell you,” you huffed. He raised a single eyebrow, still looking down at the book.

“ Indulge a poor curious man,” he finally looked up and caught you in his gaze. You felt pulled towards him, like his fluent Sokovian was a homing beacon and you just wanted to be near him. It was dangerous, but you hadn’t spoken Sokovian in ages, nobody here knew it and it was becoming a dead language.

“ They called me a dreamwalker,” you whispered in your native language. “ I don’t know why I’m telling you this,” you frowned at yourself. You couldn’t trust him. But he was right, who was he going to tell? Alerting the authorities to you would also alert the authorities to him. You kept eye contact with him this time, tilting your head.

“ Tell me, Maus. How does dreamwalking work?”

“ I-”

“English please,” Sam groaned. You pursed your lips and made a quick decision to lie to him. He would have no such issues alerting the authorities. He was an Avenger.

“I was simply telling the Baron about my book. Der Herr der Ringe. The Lord of the Rings,” you replied smoothly.

“What’s so interesting about it?” James asked, this time genuinely curious. Though what was more curious was the small smile the Baron was giving you. You felt your cheeks burn at the attention and tried to hide it by glancing back down at your book.

“It’s the follow on to The Hobbit and follows the third age of Middle Earth,” you began, but James’ jaw had dropped.

“There was a sequel to the Hobbit and you didn’t tell me,” he glared at Sam, who only raised his hands placatingly.

“Dude, I didn’t know you were so into fantasy,” Sam raised his eyebrows.

“It’s actually three books,” you added. “Not just a sequel.”

“Oh man,” James shook his head. “I have been missing out. Is Gandalf still in it?”

You nodded, smiling. The previous topic was forgotten, you started telling him about the movies and how they helped you learn English.

All throughout the evening though, the Baron was glancing at you, trying to figure you out. You were sure he was curious about your powers, though you were sort of afraid to tell him. At the same time… It would be such a relief to talk to somebody about it.

You retired early after setting up the pull out couch and allowing the three men to figure out where they would sleep. They agreed that Sam and James would share the couch and the Baron would take the single bed in the guest room. Their explanation was that they’d be closest to the door if he tried to escape. You couldn’t sleep though, images from your past running through your mind.

It was nearing four when you simply decided to get up, make some tea, grab your book, and return to your room.

However, when you got to the kitchen, the Baron was sitting quietly at the table in the dark sipping on some tea.

“ Good morning,” you whispered in Sokovian, trying not to wake the men in the next room over. The Baron tilted his head towards you and smiled softly, the dark shadowed his face but you could see his features fine. You’d always preferred the night time and the darkness that came with it.

“ Couldn’t sleep? ” He replied in the same language. It must be nice for him to be able to speak it again, just like it was for her.

“ No,” you sighed. “ My mind was racing. And on top of that I’m not used to having guests.”

“You’re uncomfortable being vulnerable around us?” He asked softly, but you shook your head.

“ That’s not it.  I don’t want to accidentally walk into one of your dreams. I’m out of practice.”

He nodded sagely, it would make sense. You seemed like a polite girl and you likely wouldn’t want to intrude.

“ Tea? I made extra,” he gestured towards the teapot where steam was still rising and you smiled, smelling the chamomile.

“ Thank you,” you murmured and poured yourself a cup before sitting down at the table with him. “ You couldn’t sleep either?”

“Too much to do and plan,” he replied with a shrug of one shoulder. “ Will you tell me about your powers?”

You sighed, resigned, and nodded.

“ I suppose it wouldn’t hurt. I can walk through dreams and change them. It works for daydreams too, when people are in ‘the zone,’”  you explained. “ Though it’s harder then, when people are awake.”

I can also project my thoughts into other people’s minds you spoke this time directly in his head and his eyebrows shot up.

I haven’t figured out how to read minds per se, but I’m hoping I can learn.

“ Fascinating. Absolutely sensational,” you blinked and blushed at the praise, hoping he wouldn’t notice in the dark room. “ You’re incredible, Maus. Is there anything you can’t do?” He chuckled and you ducked your head, looking up at him through your lashes with a small smile. “ Oh, that’s not all, is it?” He wondered, a slow smile spreading on his face when you nodded your agreement.

“ It’s new… I have only developed it since my time in this flat. But just as I can project my thoughts, I can project my body. Sort of like teleporting,”  you murmured, smiling again when he looked at you, astounded.

“ You truly are wonderful,” he praised you again, this time noting your reaction. You spoke with him for a little while after that about the places you’d teleported to, but you found you’d drifted off when you ‘awoke’ in the dreamscape.

It looked like a forest, this place that your mind conjured. In the forest were many trees and shrubs but also little glimmering puddles. Those were the dreams. You walked as if in a trance, sometimes you had no control in the dreamscape. The puddle nearest to you was dark and murky, you were frightened and your chest tightened up, but you couldn’t hold back as you dipped your toes in and were immersed in the dream.

It was dark. It was always dark at first. But then there was a light and a voice.

You searched and walked around, looking for it, but you regretted entering this… this… this nightmare.

It was James as the Winter Soldier on a dark, cold night. You watched the scene as if in slow motion, and screamed as he killed his friend and his wife.

He jerked back to look at you, noticing you for the first time, and stalked towards you.

“You’re next,” he growled at you, but you scrambled backwards, trying to find your way out of the dream. You tried to conjure something to snap him out of it. You could usually do whatever you wanted, so you changed the scenery. You were on a hot beach, white sand beneath our bare feet, and the Winter Soldier kept stalking towards you.

“Let me out!” you screamed at him. “Let me out!”

You gasped and fell from your chair, and the Baron shot up to catch you.

“ Maus? Are you alright?” his arms were warm around you as you shook off the last of the terror. You were afraid of dying in a dream. You weren’t sure if you’d wake up.

“What the fuck?” James growled from the door frame, rumpled and angry.

“I am sorry,” you choked out. “I did not mean-”

“Stay out of my head,” he cut you off and retreated to the couch, where Sam sat, confused.

“ You might want to stay out of his dreams,” the Baron whispered, arms still caging you in, but you appreciated the strength as tears pricked at your eyes. You hated when people raised their voices.

“ I can’t always control it. I couldn’t get out,” you choked on the words. You huffed a ragged breath and righted yourself, finally pulling away from the Baron. “ I’ll start breakfast,” you mumbled and turned away from him so he couldn’t see the few tears you allowed to fall from fear and apprehension.

Masterlist

[hetaliatxtpostz]

“Winter” From the Four Seasons: PrusAus

Roderich’s hands linger over the keys of his piano, fingertips suspended in an abrupt silence that has sliced a hole in the music he was playing. Something has occurred to him quite suddenly, something deeply troubling. It’s about Gilbert. Gilbert Belischmidt. This— this infuriating person, he’s just realizing. A completely impossible German man with a grin like the devil himself and the red eyes to match it. 

“You—” But his words ring empty in the room the piano is sat in, and he’s reminded that he’s very much alone, and there’s not a point scolding Gilbert where he can’t hear it. He should hear it.

But Gilbert Beilschmidt had left that morning. Before he was even awake, at some ungodly hour of the day, as usual, Gilbert had packed up his things and left a note that he was going home early. Not a word about— 

Roderich pushes away from the piano and stands. What time is it? The note is still burning a hole in his pocket, after all, that’s what he’d been thinking about as he warmed up this morning, and, true to fashion, Gilbert has included the time of his departure for no real reason. 

I have time. That’s the first thing he thinks upon pulling out the crumpled piece of paper. It’s the only thought he can have after the realization that’s hit him. I have time if I just— 

Roderich is in motion, practically running across the house, tearing into the closet to throw on a coat, scarf, and hat that didn’t match to a degree that would have embarrassed him in a different situation. The only thing he can think, pulling on boots and tying a haphazard bow, is that he should have seen it at the time.

Gilbert unclasped the violin case, and his hands weren’t even tempted to shake because. Well. That just wasn’t the kind of person he was. And. It wasn’t as if there was anything actually intimidating about this, anyway. There wasn’t. He’d performed for Roderich a handful of times now and they’d all been. Unremarkable. 

Or. He’d been remarkable, of course, because he always was, and he would challenge Roderich to find someone wh— Rambling in his own head. Annoying. Not like him. It was just a violin solo! Just a solo. And, maybe, it was a song that meant something important to him, sure, but it wasn’t like he wrote it. Not the way that Roderich wrote his. Probably wouldn’t even get through, he thought. Probably wouldn’t even be any different this time. 

Still, there was that possibility that it would. That this would change everything. That he would stop playing and meet Roderich’s eyes, and he would understand what— But! There wasn’t any point to thinking like that because he might just be reading into things. Hearing messages in piano notes the artist never meant. And this message might go just as unheeded. Then he would know. 

Another solo. He lifted the violin from the case and picked up the bow. Took a breath in and let it out. Steady and measured. Things he could be counted on to be. Steady and measured. Just like he always was. Roderich wasn’t even awake yet. He had some time to warm up. To tune the instrument. To think about what he was doing. 

And either way, he told himself, either way, it doesn’t matter to me. Which was a lie, and not a convincing one. Still: doesn't matter to me. I can’t control anyone else. Just me. That’s all I need. Just me. That’s what this is. Performing. 

He tucked the violin under his chin. 

I’m not worried about this.  

Roderich gets all of four steps outside before he starts to actually think about what it is he’s doing. After all, Gilbert lives in the 21st century, doesn’t he? Fumbling a moment, Roderich gets out his phone and calls the number at the top of his contact list, the one with a little gold star beside it earned over hours of late night conversations. 

“Answer the phone, Gilbert,” he says, as if he’s listening. “You have always been so good about answering the phone.” 

It isn’t picked up after the third ring, which generally means it won’t be picked up at all, but Roderich lets it go the whole time. Then, he thinks, I’m wasting time. And he sets off at a brisk pace, listening to the voicemail come on. Then, he stops again, because he thinks, how far away is the station? Should I get a ride there? And he decides, not far enough that he has time to wait for a ride, and he starts off again. 

While he walks, he calls Gilbert again, and he receives the same voicemail, a rather professional sounding voicemail for the sound of what is clearly his little white dog in the background. Funny, Roderich realises listening to it, he’s never heard this voicemail before because Gilbert had never let a call from him go unanswered, no matter the time. The thought kicks him into an even higher gear, which must make him look rather hysterical to anyone he’s passing on the street. Is this really the first time I’ve chased after him…? 

Their whole relationship, Gilbert had been the one who complimented Roderich, who sat next to him and listened with a very serious expression when he explained the process of writing music, who seemed to be ready, come rain or shine, to help him with whatever physical task he was finding intimidating. He’d met Gilbert when they were teenagers, the pale rascal absolutely incorrigible. All of the trouble he’d ever been in, and most of it he’d gotten back out of, was because of Gilbert. There simply wasn’t any way that they’d spent so long together, that he’d lived so casually in the back of his mind making smart comments, and he’d never once… It couldn’t be. 

Another unanswered call. Roderich is tempted to start running. His breath is  coming in clouds of smoke around his face, clouding the glasses that he only really wore because Gilbert, at some point, had complimented him in a way that he probably didn’t even remember. It really couldn’t be. 

Roderich’s ankles were crossed, his head tilted ever-so-slightly. That expression meant he was ready to listen. It was the same kind of feverish intensity he always approached music with. One of Gilbert’s favorite things: how it cracked his perfect facade. All the work he put into his hair, his outfits, but when it came down to what mattered: all passion.  This morning, however, the expression was threatening. 

Violin tucked under his chin, Gilbert played the opening note. He wondered how long it would take Roderich to recognize the song. How long before the notes registered to him as something that he’d written? How long until he pinpointed the solo as the one he had played to Gilbert, the very first time he trusted him enough to hear something he’d written. It would take longer, he guessed, than it normally did. Because it had taken him some time to practice this one. 

He didn’t have the music for it. He’d only had a recording he’d taken that night, one that he’d listened to over and over again. Had to perfect it that way, the hard way. And he’d put hours into this performance. Every time he played it, over two years now, he would think: it’s almost perfect. But not quite.

Spending November with Roderich, waking up and seeing him every morning, that changed things. Every day it became a little less important that it wasn’t perfect, until he thought the intensity of his feelings might just stop his heart. So. He had to do something. 

A special show. He’d promised that. Before I go home in a week. Something you’ll like. It’ll surprise you. 

He couldn’t bear, just yet, to check and see if Roderich was reacting to the music he was playing. Right now, his eyes were closed and he was pouring his heart into the song in a way he hadn’t before. The first thing he was hoping Roderich would notice: the violin itself. Not his favorite instrument, but this was what Roderich had played. 

I’m speaking your language, Roderich. I’m trying to show you. I’ve learned from you. I’ve been watching you for a long time. The things you tell me, I remember. The things you show me, I can emulate. I’m here. I’m right in front of you. I don’t know how to live without you, do you see that? I’ve known for a while now, and it’s been killing me to pretend otherwise. It’s supposed to be just me. It’s always supposed to have been just me. But you’ve snuck up on me, and—

He missed a note, and he hardly noticed it. What did that matter, really? One note was nothing. It didn’t need to be perfect. He didn’t need to be perfect! That was the beautiful thing. They weren’t perfect, together. They were this mess of narcissism, and pride, and— and laughter, most of the time. And he wanted more than that. So much more than that. 

He had no idea how to say it. No idea how to bring it up, the way that Roderich’s touch sent lighting across his skin. How to even begin to say why he suspected he knew exactly the way that his hair smelled. The way that his clothes lay against his body. He couldn’t pinpoint when it had started to be that way, at which point he wasn’t teasing anymore. He could pinpoint when it had started to take over most of his thoughts. 

He was ear the end of his solo, and that was going to be it. Please, he played. For the first time he wasn’t ashamed of that: to ask for something. The notes of the song faded out. There was this painful, and beautiful, silence. Gilbert opened his eyes. 

“So?” He kept his tone as casual as possible. “How was that?”

Roderich has abandoned his phone strategy, sticking it back into his pocket. He’s turned up the volume, however, and he’s listening in vain, hoping to hear Gilbert’s ringtone at any moment. The speed at which he’s walking can hardly be called that, only a step or two away from a jog. Around him people are parting on the sidewalk, murmuring behind him things that he doesn’t hear. He’s sure he looks crazy. It doesn’t matter, right now. If I don’t catch him, I’ll buy my own ticket. I know where he lives. I’ll see his brother. I’ll be right behind him. I’ll—

Roderich slams into another person, and he falls backwards onto the sidewalk. 

“Ah, watch where you’re walking!” The man, despite the harshness of his tone, still offers a hand. Roderich bats it away, practically leaping to his feet. He isn’t sure what kind of look he gives the man, but it must be something because he takes a full step back. 

“I have to go,” he says, to that man; to no one, really, because he just keeps thinking about Gilbert’s face when he was done playing that solo for him yesterday. I talk to him day and night about music and how important it is and I can’t even tell when… I’ve been so selfish. I’ve been so ridiculously dense. 

Roderich sees the glass front of the train station ahead of him, and he breathes a prayer of relief. Inside it's crowded, even more so than the usual foot traffic of the city, especially with holiday travel. This morning he had the benefit of skipping the lines in front of the ticket offices and self-service machines entirely. Muscle memory took him to the central display system, where his eyes quickly scanned over the departures until he found the one he knew Gilbert would be taking. 

That’s when he starts running, and he isn’t good at running, which Gilbert very well knew, and Roderich curses him for this mentally, because this is clearly his fault, and Almighty, please, he’s going to catch him and scold him when he catches him. He goes skidding around a corner, almost tripping over someone’s luggage and stumbling slightly before continuing, his breathing picking up. You’re an idiot, Gil, and I’m one too, agh, aren’t we a pair?? 

The moment he sees the train, a train that is still in the station, a train that hasn’t left yet, his heart races. “Gilbert!” 

He calls his name before he sees him, or knows if he’s boarded yet; he calls the name as loudly as he’s called anything, at a very embarrassing level. People turn and look at him, and he doesn’t care, because none of them are the one he’s looking for and, as of this morning, his world has suddenly become a lot smaller. 

“Gilbert!” He takes the stairs two at a time, almost somersaulting off the end of them, but catching himself on a bench. “Gilbert!” 

Most of the people are still streaming onto the train, after having cast him a curious glance or two, and he desperately looks around for anyone who might have stopped. Am I going to have to board this train and buy a ticket?!  “GILBERT!” 

There, through the crowd: a red jacket that he could name the brand of eyes closed. Yes. Yes! Roderich shoved through a line of people, broke into a clearing, and there he is. Gilbert. Oh, Gilbert... eyebrows drawn in concentration, looking around himself trying to locate the sound of his own name, his hand on a suitcase that Roderich is sure was hastily packed for a man who insisted on folding even underwear.  

“Gilbert…” Roderich crosses the few steps left between them and throws himself forward.

“Ugh,” Roderich said, rolling his eyes. “Why on Earth would you choose that song, of all the songs that you could have possibly chosen? That is a terrible solo! Oh, I hardly knew what I was doing.”

The words were like a knife to his chest. Okay. He thought. He didn’t get it. That’s fine. Of course he didn’t. He’s reading too much into this. And he knew that, he did. That he was reading too much into things. Putting too much weight where it was in danger of breaking something. Not communicating. Not really. He knew he was going about this the wrong way, but he…  

“You thought it was terrible?” Tone still casual. Still light. Like it was. He was joking.

“Oh, no, your rendition of it was fine, but— well, I can’t really hear past the mistakes I made, I’m sure you understand, being such a perfectionist and all.” Roderich leaned back and surveyed the violin as if it had personally failed him. 

Numbness spread outward from Gilbert’s chest, to his fingertips. God. He cared, and that was so fucking stupid of him. What did he really think was going to happen? Of course it was going to be the same as it always was between them. When had Roderich ever even hinted to him that he might— 

“I thought you’d like to remember,” he had to pause to keep his voice steady, “that first night you played it. When you trusted me to—”

“Yes, yes, I do recall Gilbert. I couldn't ever forget it. You don’t need to dredge up my old failures to remind me of time we spent together.” Rodrich pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “But, you know, now that I think about it, I don’t believe I still have that particular sheet music any longer. How did you get your hands on it? Are you composing from memory? That would be impressive.”

“No, I… I recorded it, that night.”

Roderich made a face that made Gilbert want to step out of the room entirely, maybe just go home at this point. Maybe try again later. Maybe put all of his feelings in a box and lock them permanently. 

“Did you? Ugh. A shame. I’d really rather that all be forgotten. You know, Gil, if you want to play something of mine, I can simply give you music next time. Or! Even better, would you like me to write something for you? I’ve been thinking about that. I think you’re rather inspiring.”

The words fell flat to him, his ears still ringing. He didn’t get it at all! Why would he! Gilbert was being, and he knew this, he knew, he completely understood, that he was being irrational. He was expecting too much while not saying anything, but he just thought. He really thought. Hoped. That if anyone would understand. That if anyone could read between the lines. That if anyone would just get him, after so so many years...

But. It was fine. This was—

“Don’t worry about it,” he told Roderich. He was already thinking about going home, at that point. About nursing this wound somewhere private. About escaping before he revealed too much more. After all, Roderich still didn’t know. That meant, in some sense, he was still safe.  

“Well, thank you for the performance, nonetheless. I do prefer you on flute, and I suspect you prefer that as well, but you are more than adequate on violin.” Roderich stood up, dusting his hands as if of the whole affair. “Have you had breakfast yet?” 

Gilbert shook his head. 

 Roderich’s arms wrap around Gilbert’s neck, and he hears his luggage hit the ground with a thud as he drops it to catch him. 

“Rod— what are you doing here?” Gilbert sounds bewildered, and Roderich has never been more relieved in his life to hear that voice. 

“I— ” Words: suddenly he is at a loss for them, pulling back enough to look into those eyes. “— you are a complete idiot!” It’s not what he means to say, and he’s out of breath, so it doesn’t even come out dignified, or elegant, or whatever other things he liked to think he was. 

Something pulls over Gilbert’s face then that he recognizes, like he's closing up his emotions, drawing himself as deep within as possible. It’s so far from what Roderich wants to happen in that moment, needs to happen in that moment, that he almost shakes him. 

“No, no, Gilbert— I didn’t— oh, this is— I think I understand your problem, you—” The realization is far too much, too important, to put into words, and even though he knows the answer, and he’s fairly sure he knows what the response will be, the thought of saying it makes his hands shake, makes his heart pound. 

Committing to this will change everything between them.

“I have to go,” Gilbert motions to the train. “My ticket.”

“No, no, Gilbert,” Roderich repeats. “You don’t have to go.” His arms tighten around him. “I don’t… I don’t want you to go.” 

Gilbert’s eyebrows raise, his mouth a tight line, but he doesn't say anything and he doesn’t move. How in the world, Roderich wonders, did it go from feeling like they had nothing but time to feeling as if this was the last moment he would ever have to speak his feelings? 

“I should—”

Before he can put anything else between them, Roderich bends down slightly and kisses Gilbert. It certainly isn’t a very romantic kiss, there in the crowd of people and amidst the noise of the announcements, their lips chapped from the cold outside. The kiss is rough; it’s rushed, and it might just be the only kiss Roderich will ever care to remember no matter the rest. After a moment, after he’s sure that Gilbert has to understand what he means, what he wants, he starts to pull back. 

A hand rises to stop him, fingers in his hair, and draws him back down, into a deeper kiss. This time it’s gentle. Beside them, the train doors close with a hiss, and neither makes a move. When they finally break apart, the train is already gone, and Gilbert looks like he’s been split open down the middle, his eyes wide. 

“I’m sorry,” Roderich says, his voice hardly above a whisper. “I should have seen it. I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening, I was so blinded by my… by…”

“Your pride and arrogance? Your inability to think of other people?” 

Roderich opens his mouth to respond indignantly when he sees the look on Gilbert’s face, the soft, fond smile, and his cheeks flush instead. “I wouldn’t put it like that, exactly. But, yes, perhaps, something along those lines might be accurate.”  

“Might be?” 

“Yes— I— you know, Gil, if you had just told me how you felt, we wouldn’t even be here in the first place! If you didn’t have this absolutely debilitating aversion to admitting you experience the full human range of emotion, I wouldn’t have had to run to you— which I was terrible at, mind you!” 

A look of wonder crosses Gilbert’s face, and he brushes a strand of hair from Roderich’s forehead, no doubt knocked loose during the chase. “You did, huh… run after me? I didn’t think you cared this much.” 

“You didn’t think—! Of course! I can see that you weren’t thinking! I care about you, you— you— you’re my best friend, you complete disaster! I don’t care about anyone more than you! If—” Roderich straightens up. “In fact. If I hadn’t caught you here, I would have gone all the way to Germany looking for you. I would have never stopped.” He bites his lips a moment before sighing. “... you taught me that, after all.” 

“Okay, okay. I… I’ll admit a little fault here, sure. Maybe. But I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I didn’t want to risk—”

“Make me uncomfortable?! You don’t think it’s uncomfortable for me to be running about the city like I’ve lost my mind, shoving over strangers on the street, scaring the children?” Roderich shook his head. “There is nothing, Gilbert, nothing, that you can do that’s going to change us! If— look, if I didn’t want you around, you know I would make that very clear. No one in my entire life has ever been more annoying than you, more frustrating, more difficult to have a normal conversation with, and I look forward to seeing you in a way that is so deep it’s an ache some days, and you have the nerve to doubt that I would— I would—” 

They must both be hopeless when it comes to saying it. 

“My point is, Gil, that your convoluted little plan to play me my own song, to show me how much time you put into thinking about me, it was ridiculous, and I— I’m so sorry I didn’t get it.” Another train pulls in somewhere past them, the force of it blowing their hair about their faces. 

“Rod,” Gilbert says, and this time Roderich hears more than what he’s saying, what he means. “I want to go home.” 

“Good.” Roderich steps back and Gilbert picks his suitcase up off the ground. Once he’s got it in one hand, Roderich offers him an arm, which he dutifully loops his through. 

After a moment or two, just needing to add something, he says, “but I’m not running again.”

Gilbert laughs. “You didn’t pull anything, did you?” 

“We’ll see!” Roderich smiles to himself. He can’t stop smiling, and that’s silly, because it’s normally not a problem for him. “I really don’t understand what’s so appealing about that to you, that working out thing. It was dreadful.” 

“All four steps you took?”

“It’s a big train station.” They’re walking much slower now, the sound of the luggage wheels clicking along behind them. “My legs aren’t that much longer than yours.”

Gilbert rolls his eyes, something that Roderich can feel in the way he gently bumps him with his shoulder, muttering something about their heights that’s no doubt incorrect. They board an escalator. “Ludwig is already probably annoyed about my sudden change in plans, and now I’m going to be changing them back.”  

“I’ll talk to Ludwig for you, if that’s going to bother you.” 

“You’re not my secretary. I’m just making a point about what I’m sacrificing for you.” They step off the escalator. 

“Right, well you’re the one who keeps telling me about the importance of family on the holidays, so it seems to me we should be… together. By your standards, anyhow.” 

“The holida— ha! You don’t even celebrate Christmas.” 

“Well. I did specify: your standards. Your holiday. Consider it… emotional support.” 

Outside, snow is starting to fall over the city. Roderich wonders, looking up into the infinite and dizzying sky, if snow has ever seemed so magical before. A childish, wonderful thought; Roderich is tempted to stick his tongue out and catch a snowflake only to turn and see Gilbert already doing so, his nose crinkling slightly, eyes squinted. 

“You…” Roderich begins. 

Gilbert looks over, “what?” 

“... you’re just. I—” Roderich keeps walking. “Come on, then. I need to get changed, I look like we belong together.” 

He’s going to say it, he is. 

Gilbert is sitting sideways on the cushioned bench out on the balcony, his legs across Roderich’s lap, bent so that he’s leaning into his side. They’ve made coffee, and the steam of it rising is mixing with their breath. The first thing Gilbert wanted to do was be this close to him. Something he’s been denying himself. 

“I just cannot,” Roderich is saying, “believe that you thought I wanted to watch you workout out of— what did you think it was?-- scholarly interest?” 

“No!” Gilbert snorts. “I didn’t think about it!”

Roderich eyes him. “And the sleeveless shirts? You thought I didn’t notice that? The tank-tops? How you continuously volunteered to lift things for me? You really thought I was that weak?”

“I, uh, I did actually.” 

“No! I wanted to see— I wanted— I liked looking at you do it. You’re such a show-off, normally, and I liked it when I felt that you were…” he takes a pointedly delicate sip of his coffee “... performing for me.” 

Gilbert almost chokes. He manages to recover like a champion, though, and no one can tell. “I— okay, so I was showing off. But you were the one doing your hair up all fluffy for no reason and dressing like you were in a fucking magazine-level photoshoot, even if you were only seeing me—  so you can see how I was getting these ideas. Before you.” 

“Before— did you not hear what I was saying? Do you—” Roderich’s cheeks color, and it’s clearly not just from the cold. “Ah, this is going to betray some things, isn’t it? But! Fine— When we were nineteen—”

Nineteen?! That early? 

“-- and you insisted that we go skinny dipping, and you stripped down there on the spot and—”

“And you were so embarrassed! I remember that, yeah. Ha! You wouldn’t even look at… Wait.” 

“Yes.” 

“What?!” 

“Yes.”

“That early?!” 

“Yes, Gilbert! That early!” 

“But…” Gilbert frowns down into his coffee. “Wow. I had no idea. You never— hey! Hey, wait a minute, all those little barbs about me being emotionally repressed? And— since 19?!” 

Roderich’s blush got worse. “It might have been… I was deflecting. A bit.” 

“A bit?!” 

“Well! When exactly did you know?!” 

“That I was in love with you??!” 

Silence. The words had simply slipped out in the moment. It’s something he’s been thinking about for a while now. The whiplash of them colors his cheeks to match Roderich’s. 

“That… that you wanted to sleep with me, I meant.” Roderich says, but then quickly adds, “but I love you, too! Just so that you know! I love you, so don't you dare go running off again on me. Don’t think otherwise, I won’t have you doing that thing you do where you—”  

Gilbert interrupts him with a kiss. He tastes like coffee, like whipped cream. “I’m not going anywhere.” He replies softly. 

“Well, you ought to… to stay in my bed. So I can feel sure about that.” 

“Gladly.” A pause, Gilbert nuzzling his head against Roderich’s shoulder, which is something he only ever imagined doing. “And it was around twenty-two, for your original question.”

“What happened at twenty-two?”

“I— you are never going to remember this— you made this joke, agh, this is so embarrassing I should have thought of a lie. Hold on, I need to think of a cooler lie.” 

Roderich jabs him. 

“Hey! Fine! Fine. I’m going to spill your coffee if you do that again. So, the joke. You were talking about how nice your clothes are. You said all the layers. All the way down to your underwear. Er, and until then I hadn’t really, uh, really, thought about your underwear, but then you went and added this bit about. Okay. Context, I guess. I said something like what like you’re ordering lingerie? And you said. Uhm. Yes. Which was quite the mental image. And then I thought about it every day for years. Actually. I’m still thinking about it. Right now.” 

Roderich regards him with an expression that he has no idea how to read. “I wasn’t joking.” 

“You— you—” Gilbert’s eyes drop down a bit. “You— weren’t? Joking? You’re saying that, right now, you’re…”

“No, of course not! Ah, does the idea of me in lingerie really affect you so much? You’re normally sharper than this.” Roderich takes a sip of Gilbert’s coffee. “I’ll have to remember that. It actually isn’t one of the things I’ve thought about doing for you, and to you, in my rather extensive catalogue of fantasies.”

“Ex...tensive?”

“It— I told you— it has been since nineteen, Gilbert. I’ve had seven years now.”

“So…” Gilbert waggles his eyebrows. “When we’re done with coffee, huh?” 

“Yes. Absolutely.” 

They watch the snow swirl past them, against the slate grey sky. It’s weird, kind of, after all the drama… how normal this felt. Natural. Right. Like nothing had changed between them at all. As if they’d always been like this, curled up together. 

“Hey, Rod?” 

“Mmmm.” 

“I love you.” 

“Are you going to finally admit to how sentimental you are? Start being the sappy self I know you are internally?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Good.” 

Somewhere below them, the sounds of someone playing music. 

“Hey, Gil?” 

“Yup.”

“I love you, too.”    

[hereliesbitches--me]

Full name:  Toruga ( Winchester ) Nicknamed:  The Good Doctor, Father, Doc, Purple Pimp

Gender: Male Species: Demon Age: Immortal, appears to be in his late 30s, early 40s Sexuality: If its a shade of royal purple, its within that field of interest. Otherwise, he couldnt care less Nationality: Travels about, German based design. Dude is a demon imitating human design City or town of birth: The Enigma , The realm of Neikan and the Emotions Currently lives: Moves where there is work, primarily between Europe and the United States, where is assets are located Languages spoken: English, Spanish, German, Russian, Korean, Japanese, variations of the chinese dialect (fluent in Mandarin) , Hindi -- basically a workable understanding of many mainstream languages of varying countries. He’s old, he’s been around, and he is able to retain and learn easily Native language: prefers English and German Accent/diction: Speaks with refined annunciation with his English, but in a more relaxed state he has a slight German accent. Relationship Status: A widower still obsessed with his monsters and his creator but she just wont see him in such a way rip the man

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Height: 6’6 Weight: 160 pounds in human form, his dark form varies in weight Figure/build: Tall, stocky built. His muscle is primarily in his arms, legs, and chest, with a faintly noticeable gut (lowkey dad bod) Hair color: Black, peppered with grey strands Hairstyle: keeps it medium length but professional, Eye color:  A deep orange Skin/fur colour: His skin is a sandy beige complexion littered by dark discolored scars. Having tiger features, he has inverted colors with black fur and white stripes. Tattoos: Neikan’s branding is on his left inner forearm. Tends to stroke it absentmindedly  Scars/distinguishing marks: Toruga is littered by minor discolored scars all over his arms and chest, but his iconic scar is the 3 clawed slashing going down his face. Preferred style of clothing: In a button up collared shirt and black dress pants, coupled with his lap coat, He never really goes anywhere without his labcoat. He has no real sense of.. Dressing casual. If not his lab coat, he still wears a kind of trenchcoat in some way. And suspenders for a touch of extra class

HEALTH

Bad Habits: -Cant form real human connection - sees everything as object variables to dissect ,explore, and use for experimentation. - Regularly abuses the fuck out of the other negatives because they are inferior idiots - Sociopathic murderer (“for Science”). -Obsessed with Neikan, the demon who created him, and will turn on anyone in her defense, friend or foe. -Views any personal connection to a person like having a pet you're fond for, but nothing is above Neikan. -Stress smoker.

Addictions: -Sexually infatuated by the color purple, - Takes Sadistic pleasure in watching the bold break down, - Gets off on taking control and causing pain in the act of intimacy.

PERSONALITY

Personality: Toruga is a deceptive man by nature, a demon conjured up and hand made by Neikan herself, inspired by Josef Mengele which she had seen in the lives of one of her vessels. Being based on the mad doctor, Toruga himself is brilliant in the fields of genetics, biology, and the anatomy of anything he can get his hands on. Despite the basis, Toruga is simply a being that never was a child, thus has formed a persona that imitates human emotion and relations to get his way. He doesn't feel true connection, he doesn't feel empathy, sympathy, or guilt for what he does, as long as it feeds into the goal of appeasing his mistress and furthering her goals. Which makes lying and altering his persona to the liking of his associates quite easy. Toruga presents himself like a fatherly figure -- even tempered, soft but confidently spoken, and constantly utilizing praise and interest in another when he’s looking to make nice. He’s a master of manipulation and will not hesitate to research a person’s history, or gauge a weakness from conversation alone, and exploit it if it makes them more agreeable or himself more appealing.   He doesnt respond to insults or physical attacks,  not a single thing in the world bothers him, save for the failure of the negatives to complete a task, or if the insult is directed at his mistress. Or if it is impeding his work, because that would make him unappealing to Neikan. Only then will he react. And he will do so swiftly and violently to make his point known. He is not afraid of death threats, or to be beaten or dismembered or tortured, because of his inability to die (Thanks to his connection to Neikan. For as long as she lives, he can) He finds those sorts of threats mildly amusing, because he has been here for centuries, and he will continue to be well after humanity is nothing more than bones and Ash beneath their feet. His personality can swivel on a dime, but overall he is a fairly pleasant person to interact and talk with. He;s had plenty of time to master human expression.  Toruga also tends to be very physical when he shows interest, with subtle touches, unbroken eye contact, and closeness. Its simply the spider tossing the silk of his webs to capture the poor fly that has no idea the fate to come. He can be incredibly jealous and spiteful when it comes to what diverts the attention of his mistress

Strengths: Determined, Even tempered, charming personality. Incredibly intelligent and gifted with holding conversations. A great asset if you need a doctor to work on any sort of viral or bacterial bioweapon, or if ya need a guy that likes to alter and play with mortal genetics. His inability to stay permanently dead makes him quite the threat in theory, and with that demonic origin he does have supernatural strength compared to the average mortal. He has no real blood, just inky mass of dark matter that makes up his form and drips in imitation blood.

Weaknesses: Neikan. Divine weaponry and magic also hurt like a bitch and would require he directly return to neikan to get fixed up.

Fears/phobias: Failing Neikan to the point she abandons him or makes another negative to replace him.

Favourite color:

P U R P L E 

Did I say purple?  Very important to know. And any shade that compliments it.

Hobbies: - Kidnapping subjects indiscriminately based on their viability and their chance of being pursued, disfiguring them, wiping their memory, and then using them as test subjects for his viral bioweapon projects. - Making handmade clothing for his test subject children. He’s quite the skilled tailor. He especially loves dressing up his daughter before she ran away - Traveling about to meet with and work closely with assorted allies towards an end goal of toppling human society and shifting power - Taking out his anger and frustration on the negatives because they dont die - Talking to his dead husband he keeps perfectly preserved in a case down in his lab

Theme Song: - “Pet” by perfect circle - “Trust me” from the Devil’s Carnival

SKILLS

Talents/skills: - Tailoring clothing of all materials - Extensive knowledge of the medical field - skilled virologist and biochemist - Manipulative - Skillful liar

Education: Multiple lifetimes of trial and error through multiple dimensions and a variety of different levels of technology he’s explored with. Lacking any formal training, being an extension of his mistress means he also inherits the knowledge of her vessels. Coupled with his own experimentation and studied through multiple worlds.

Abilities: Being a demon made of dark matter means he’s endowed with an assortment of natural abilities, however unlike the more well known hell spawn demons, the negatives and their abilities from Neikan are typically only physical based.  Those abilities include: - Enhanced Strength and Endurance (built up after years of handling monsters, and the lack of human limitations/strains on the body) - Complete Regeneration (as long as the weapon is not enchanted or by divine means) - Minor shapeshifting, limited to his true forms. From human, to the black mass in the shape of a man, to a beastial tiger form - A photographic and auditory memory that retains just about any information he finds worthy of withholding. It also allows him to learn any language with ease after being exposed to it for a period of time

FAMILY, FRIENDS AND FOES

Personal history: Created around the time period of Pride’s((The Vessel) lifetime, 6 vessels prior to Nikki, Toruga was formed at first out of curious reasons and the need for a friend, but her intent with him became malicious shortly after her grief in the following life which split her soul into two halves. Left with nothing but malice and hatred for humanity, with the worst aspect of her being, Neikan utilized all her negativity to create a figure that would help speed up the process of ending the lives of the future vessels. Toruga was based on Josef Mengele, which Neikan had been exposed to as a child through the eyes of her second vessel, Hate. The demon was never a child, born as a perfectly capable adult to keep this young grieving woman company, it was at the start of his existence which paved the way to his obsessive love for his Creator. Toruga was her friend, her pet project that she left responsible with overseeing any of her new creations were given a job and set in order. While not active at first, Toruga observed humanity from the distance and learned the art of imitating them perfectly to blend in and manipulate what he understood. He studied their texts, he studied their culture, the array of species, their anatomies, their science and their technologies, absorbed it all until he could put it to use at the very end. Toruga is in love with his mistress, but with her fixation on her vengeance and the delicate heartbreak, she refuses to see him in such a way. Which, in turns, drives his unyielding determination to please her to make her see him. Coming to the existence of the last vessel, Nikki, things got complicated. Neikan assigned him a task to make a malleable beast that can infiltrate, a living machine to be the wolf in sheep's clothing, so when the last life became known, this being would be sent to kill it. Unfortunately for them, that bio weapon became the last life. Once inheriting Neikan and all the previous lives, any of the previous wiring he had instilled in the fetus were completely wiped away with the new presence of thought and free will -- the result, which would send Toruga on a wild chase to retrieve his experiment , all the way back to Earth. He spends years having to establish bases and connections on earth, all while scouring for his little project, taking well over 10 years before finally finding her. When he eventually does kidnap her and attempt to reset her mentally, Nikki retaliates and flees, leaving him with the iconic face scar he has now, but his project was now an unstable mess.  

Toruga is a man who juggles many projects at once. Despite a singular failure, he is always looking to make improvements, which would have eventually led to the creation of Malakaid as a failsafe to getting rid of Nikki, then immediately lost after yet another raid by Rosie and the authorities. But there is no stopping, there is always alternatives to getting what he wants. His web is vast, his determination and will unyielding. The world will fall to his mistress, one way or another. As of now, Toruga works closely with a variety of associates, primarily the Branches of Virtues because of their plentiful assets, and acts as a kind of apostle for Neikan to gain more souls willing to join their cause. His main project is a viral mutagen called the Uxoru virus, and helping work towards a modified super soldier serum made from Angel’s blood.

Parents names: Neikan Shadou (Sheila Lunarcrest)

Siblings: The other negatives, including John, Sebura, Kura, and Joku. By technicality, anyone made by Neikan is a kind of sibling.

Relationship with siblings: Toruga is the head honcho of the show, responsible for directing and punishing the others for their failures. Their stupidity and clumsiness prove to be incredibly irritating to him, and because they cant die he has no hesitation in brutally maiming and abusing them for it. They all have a bitterness, but a respectful fear towards him, and he knows it well. None of them are his equal, for he was the first, and he intends to keep it that way.

Partner/Spouse: -Vermont (Former husband, now deceased. Murdered mistakenly by Toruga himself after Vermont questioned Neikan’s intentions and plans. )

Children:

- Nikki Ai (His first experiment, artificially created and planted within a mother. She has no recollection of him as her creator, but rather this monster that hunts her down. She never came back as she was suppose to, and thus is a nuisance he needs dead)

- Malakaid (The second improvement to Nikki’s design , made from Nikki and Jacob’s dna, spliced with his own. Malakaid was stolen as a baby by Rosie and imprinted on her. Because of this, he will not go back to Toruga.)

( From his relationship with Vermont)

- Veronica Winchester (Eldest daughter, ran away at 12 years old.)

- Toby Winchester ( A young boy, still living with him. He drags him around on his work trips when he’s able to. Because he witnessed his birth parent murdered as a toddler, Toby is practically a skittish mute of a boy that fears his father but will not dare leave the way his sister did.)

Enemies:

Basically got beef with everyone bcuz he probably fucked over your loved ones at some point and just doesn't recall it. He primarily has enemies with Rosie( A very personal vendetta) and the Angel Project, the Divine Calvary, and any enemies of the Branches of Virtues. He doesn’t try to make enemies but if people are gonna try to stop him from completing his work because its “unethical” and “Inhumane” then a bitch gonna go into the cage with the rest of the subjects. But he’s a hard man to hate because as long as you are blissfully ignorant, he seems like such a pleasant man to keep company with.

Associates:

- The Branches of Virtue

- Nathair Elerdand

- Neikan and the Negatives

Affiliated verse:

Tag: :The Good Doctor (Toruga):

- Iniquitous Essence (The info above)

- Pokeverse : Toruga is a scientist of the Aether foundation , working on a secret specialized project for Lusamine, to create a world where human and pokemon are one -- as halflings. He experiments using genetic information gathered from the ultra beast data, along with splicing human dna with that of Pokemon, varying from adults to unborn fetuses. Everyone of which failed (dying in a matter of months, if born. Dying and resulting in a stillbirth. Or death induced by the Human body rejecting the intrusive genetics and triggering a shut down response) until finally there was Rosie. He studied her for the entirety of her childhood, a secret success he dare not report until certain she would not die like the rest, only to be lost in a fire (as far as he knows) aimed at silencing her rowdy father.

Much to his dismay, Toruga continues his research on human genetics, milking the foundations of its assets to feed his curiosity, with no real loylty to anyone but himself. But those skulligans are a promising bunch of nobodies to utilize for testing. He’s on the hunt to get his pet project back

[diversetolkien]

Hey yal! Below is a submissions I received regarding my Eol and Maeglin post. My responses are indented with the grey line! OPs are not!

——————————————————————————————————

First of all, it is absolutely necessary to draw attention to the things you’re drawing attention to. Whether you are “right” or “wrong,” or whether anyone is “right” or “wrong” is beside the point of the argument in my opinion: these issues simply need to be addressed! We need discussion and different points of view and they all need to be considered and we need them now more than ever. There are clear examples that are sketchy to say the very least: good guys are fair-skinned but the evil men ((, Haradrim) are not; orcs, clearly bad guys, are “swarthy” and “slant-eyed”. However, I do believe your point about Eöl and Maeglin on June 10 are off the mark. I believe you get too carried away by the title “dark” and hang your entire argument up on that. As far as I know, there is no textual evidence that Eöl was a dark-skinned elf at all.

Hello there! Thank you for the message. I do want to emphasize that I’ve been incredibly reluctant to answer this. As of resharing my meta I received a terribly racist message from a user on the website, and will tread cautiously with addressing any messages regarding Eol and Maeglin due to that. I completely agree that we do need discussion, and I’m open for it. This is the only way we can progress. But I won’t tolerate blatant racism.

I’m not accusing you of doing such, but for future references I want to make this clear.

While you believe I may get carried away on the aspect of dark or ‘swarth’, I think it may be important to explain what racial coding is, and also to remind you of Tolkien’s history with coding and with people of color. I talked about coding on my twitter, but in short coding is ascribing real world traits to fictional characters.

This includes attributing the historical and social context to the text to prove a point.

We’ve discussed how Tolkien has borrowed from cultures aside from his own, and with The Silmarillion published in the late 70’s, it’s not impossible to see how influence from America and racial influence there have played a role in his writings.

I also wouldn’t call it being ‘carried away’, when, as we both agree, Tolkien has a history of racism directed at people of color.

And at the same time, I think it’s important to note that while you dismiss the possibility of Tolkien considering Eol dark despite the use of swarth, you ascribe swarth to the orcs and their skin tone in the same breath. I don’t see why it’s impossible for the two to mean the same thing. Not when we do have a racist author who grew up in a very racist society already using dark skin to describe evil characers. Not when Eol’s narrative of the brute mirrors that of the orcs (ie: Celebrian and the Orcs).

And regardless if it is explicit or not, Eol is still coded. Again, we know this because we have canon stories that mirror his completely. This being, again, Celebrian and the Orcs.

We can also accept that Tolkien’s constant use of “dark” to describe evil things, and “light” to describe good things comes from a place of racism. So why is there such push back when we analyze that further?

Tolkien was known to ponder about problems, such as missing words in the Germanic languages. The term asterisk-word is coined by August Schleicher for exactly this purpose: words that should have existed in a (dead) language but aren’t recorded and needed therefore to be reconstructed. For example, Tolkien doesn’t have a recollection of how he came upon the word “hobbit” but to make it fit his Legendarium he made the asterisk-word *holbytlan, supposedly an old English word meaning “hole-builders” because hobbit language was akin to Old English. This word doesn’t exist in old English but could (and maybe should) have. Tolkien also wrote a long argument about a particular difficult passage in the Beowulf-poem which you can read in “Finn and Hengest.” Now normally I would never try to talk straight what’s curved, but Tolkien is a bit of a different case as I hope the above examples show.

The case of Eöl is a trick(s)y problem that stems from the “Prose Edda” written by Snorri Sturluson, an Icelandic poet who lived in the 12th century. This is thoroughly explained by Tom Shippey in his essay “Light-elves, Dark-elves, and Others: Tolkien Elvish Problem”. A quick summary is (but one really ought to read Shippey’s essay to understand it) that there are light-elves, dark-elves, dwarves and black-elves in the “Prose Edda.” Germanic scholars such as Nikolas Grundtvig and Jacob Grimm bent themselves in all kinds of shapes to explain the “error” that Snorri made. Are the black-elves the same as the dark-elves? Are both black-elves and dark-elves dwarves? What about twilight-elves? Tolkien pulls all the different strands of this one problem together and called it Eöl the Dark Elf. He could never have done this in an academic work if he wanted to be taken seriously, so his fiction seemed a great outlet to deal with this. Maybe it was all a private amusement because Tolkien never mentioned it as far as I know.

I personally can’t recall Eöl ever being called dark-skinned. He is considered “black” due to the armour he’s wearing made out of the metal galvorn that he made himself after coming into contact with dwarves (which also ties in masterfully with the whole elf-problem, again, see Shippey’s essay), but it’s not skin colour. Eöl was called the Dark Elf because he lived in a place where the sun never came. It was called Nan Almoth, the valley of the star pool, and he loved the stars, and loved to live in the twilight. The twilight-part is important in the above discussion as well.

I understand you are trying to be informative but please don’t be patronizing. Please do not explain to me what I already know. In the future, I will not be answering messages like this again. This is incredibly rude. You are assuming I don’t know about what I made a meta about, and that’s an insult to what I’ve written.

Please read my blog fully before you attempt to whitesplain something I already know. I understand debate, but there is a clear different between wanting to have a healthy discourse, and flat out patronizing me and treating me like a child.

Back the the point; The same, again, can be applied to the orcs. The orcs wear dark armor, were tortured by a creature who is often described as dark, reside in dark areas—but we know clearly that they are coded off of people given the description of them being swarthy.

The same attribute that’s given to Eol. And again, we have a clear historical context and in-canon context. And we know that Tolkien borrows from American history, and that England itself had a huge role to play in that history.

Finally, the citation from the Book of Lost Tales (BLT) where Maeglin is called swart is problematic to me. I think it’s as much proof against your point as it is in favour of it. Many, many things have changed since the BLT was written and turned into The Silmarillion (I mean Sauron was a giant cat at first!). The BLT version of Maeglin being “swart” is a discarded  version and in The Silmarillion, a way later revision, “his skin was white”. I think it would be wrong to conclude Tolkien discarded the swart skin of Maeglin as he realised it was racist. I think he simply hadn’t figured out the elf problem of the Edda when he wrote the BLT.

I think this is all negated by the fact that Tolkien has canonical characters of color, and that they have been coded. I’m having an incredibly hard time wrapping my head around why that’s accepted, yet when it comes to Eol and Maeglin it isn’t. We can accept that Tolkien has a history of racism with people of color, based on evidence far less than what I’ve provided. Maeglin’s light skin can be attributed to the fact that his mother was light. It’s possible to have a dark parent and be born light.  

And regardless if it was changed or not, it’s incredibly important to discuss it due to the fact that it was racist, and deserves to be brought to light.

I want to stress, again, that I think your work and thoughts are important, no matter if I or anyone else agrees or disagrees. It is of the utmost importance to address issues of racism, genderism and any other kinds of ism that is out there. Discussion is what matters!

[queen-of-deans-booty]

The Real Ghostbusters: Final Part

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,027

Warnings: typical supernatural violence, language, angst, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

“Well guys I guess we're out of time,” Chuck addressed the fans in the same conference room as before. “So, thank you for your incredibly probing and rigorous questions, and have a good night.”

“Chuck!” you hissed, rushing on stage.

Everyone stared at you as you grabbed the microphone so that whatever you were going to say couldn’t be heard by anyone else but him. Sam and Dean were gathering the hotel staff and getting salt to trap everyone in here while you go deal with the very real spirit—or four.

“There’s been a murder,” you whispered.

“What? Holy crap,” he gasped.

The audience heard him say that which caused murmurs in concern to erupt.

“You gotta keep everyone safe in here Chuck. This is life or death.”

“For how long?”

“I don’t know, but please do it. We’ll try and work fast, okay?” you asked.

Chuck looked at you in the eyes, and he just sighed in agreement.

“How am I supposed to do that?”

“I don’t know. Just do it. For me,” you nodded, leaving his side.

Leaving the conference room, you noticed Sam and Dean escorting all the hotel staff inside.

“Buddy, I got work to do,” the manager sighed.

“You're gonna want to see this, trust me. It's gonna be a hell of a show,” Dean smiled.

Once everyone was inside, he began laying the salt down in front of the doors to prevent any kinds of spirits to enter.

“So, new theory. The three boys decided to play a little too hard, they kill Leticia’s son, so she, in turn, kills them and then herself,” you laid down the line.

“If that's true it means we've got three bloodthirsty brats in the building,” Sam sighed.

“Yeah and Leticia was the only one keeping them under control,” you added.

“Smooth move on our part.”

“Yeah, well we gotta get back to the cemetery, and torch the kids' bones,” Dean suggested.

“How? We're trapped, and we don't even have our guns! The ghosts are running this joint and they're only scared of one thing.”

“Exactly,” you and Dean said at the same time, your eyes lighting up.

Dean didn’t have to wait to be told this, he opened the door, grabbed the ghost actress, Lila, and closed it once more while you made sure the salt line was still intact.

“What the hell?” she asked, shrugging out of Dean’s grasp.

“You saw that boy in the library, we know you did. We need you to distract the other spirts in this building,” Dean said, getting right to the point.

“You want me to do what?”

“You're an actress. We just want you to act.”

“I work at Hooters in Toledo. No, you can forget it.”

“You’re with us, you’ll be safe. I promise,” you said. A hand dropped on your shoulder, and you turned to see the trio that were dressed like you.

“We wanna help,” Tasha nodded.

“Just give her the puppy dog thing okay?” Dean whispered to his brother before approaching the two men and woman. Leaving the actress’ side, you headed over to where Dean was. “Guys, no.”

“Why not?” Barnes asked.

“‘Cause this isn't make-believe.”

“Look, we know. We're not nuts. We're fucking terrified,” Tasha nodded.

“Yeah but if all these people are seriously in trouble, we gotta do something,” Barnes declared.

“Why?” Dean asked.

“Because that's what Sam, Dean, and Y/N would do.”

“Fine, I’ll do it,” the actress sighed.

“Okay, this is how it’s going to go,” you announced, gathering everyone’s attention. Sam and Dean let you take over since they trusted you to guide everyone to do their part. “Sam, Barnes, and Demian will get those doors open, go to the cemetery, and find the bones of the children. Burn them, okay? Tasha, Dean, Lila, and I will go into the library and distract them long enough for you to escape. It’s only a matter of you guys burning the bones before these ghosts kill everyone here, okay?”

“Break!” Barnes and Demian exclaimed as they rushed to the front door.

Sam sighed, but he followed them while you turned to Tasha and Lila.

“You’re going to great. Dean and I will be right there with you. Nothing is going to happen to you.

“Okay,” she whispered.

She entered the library hesitantly while you, Dean, and Tasha waited on the other side with iron pokers in your hands.

“I don't wanna do this,” Lila whimpered.

“We’re right here sweetheart, we’ve got your back. Trust me, this is going to work,” Dean encouraged her.

“Boys? Boys? Come here this instant,” Lila spoke, but nothing happened. She knew she had to give it her all if the ghosts were to come. “You come when I call you. You understand me?”

“Miss Gore?” one of the ghosts said, standing in front of her.

“You boys have been very naughty. Now you open the doors. Open the doors right now,” she said in a stern voice.

The ghosts flickered back, clearly worried and scared of her.

“Very naughty, you hear me? Naught, naughty, naughty,” she played the part.

However, at the last word, her phone started ringing and a hip-hop song began playing. Closing your yes, you sighed in frustration because you knew this was fucked. Tasha looked worried, but you held your hand up before walking in the room with Dean.

“Run,” he ordered.

Lila scrambled out of the room, and you were about to say the same thing to Tasha, but she looked like she wasn’t going anywhere. The three ghost boys raise their knives as they started to inch closer. Using their ghost powers, two of them threw Tasha and Dean into the walls. Dean lost his iron poker, and Tasha hit her head which knocked her right out. A ball of magic formed between your hands, and you threw it at the three little boys which was enough to distract them while you went to Tasha. Dean knew how to handle himself with ghosts, but Tasha could not if she woke up.

Sam rushed into the room at the last second, and he picked up the iron poker lying on the ground and swiped it through all three boys. Once they were gone, he helped his older brother off the floor while you got Tasha to wake up.

“Are you okay?” you asked.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” she nodded as she sat up.

Suddenly, Sam was thrown back into the far wall, and he lost the iron poker. All three ghost children appeared as they went to fight different people. Dean is pinned to the floor with the smallest of the boys, Sam was grabbed the by hair by the largest boy, and the middle boy came rushing over to you and Tasha. He had his knife out, and he grabbed Tasha’s hair to use it on her, but you stopped him.

Grabbing the boy’s arm, he counteracted the motion by letting go of Tasha’s hair and grabbing yours. Tasha couldn’t see it, but your eyes began to glow as you used your magic to keep the boy off you. He had a murderous glint in his eyes as he touched the tip of the blade to your scalp. Whatever Barnes and Demian were doing, they better do it fast. A split second later, all three boys went up in flames which meant the wannabe hunters did their jobs. Sighing, you leaned back to catch your breath.

All of this was a good enough distraction to keep you away from your headache, but it was back more than ever…

… and it fucking hurt.

Once the doors were able to open, emergency vehicles arrived to check out anyone that was hurt, and to take the German man’s body away. Dean was with Barnes and Demian, Sam was talking to Becky and Chuck, but you were with Tasha away from everyone else.

“Thank you for wanting to help with everything. Very brave of you,” you chuckled.

Tasha had her contacts out so they were her normal color, her jacket was wrapped around her waist, and her hair was in a ponytail.

“If it wasn’t for you, then I wouldn’t have done it. So, thank you,” she chuckled. “So, I never got your name.”

“Y/N. The real Y/N,” you admitted.

She stared at you but laughed because she didn’t believe you.

“Yeah, right,” she laughed, and you made sure she was looking at you before you did what you did.

Your eyes flashed bright blue, and that seemed to do the trick because she stopped laughing.

“See you around, Tasha,” you winked, leaving her side to walk to the car.

There wasn’t anyone around, and that gave you all the energy you needed to focus on the headache you still had. Flashes of Amara popped up in your head, and you mentally cursed at her to leave you the fuck alone. She was there to stay, and your breathing was picking up at how overwhelmed you were. It’s been a while since your last panic attack, but that didn’t mean they were gone.

“Leave me alone, please,” you whimpered as you started to pace the length of the car.

When you got to the tail of it, you turned only to see Amara standing there right in front of you. She was real, she was here, and she was coming to get you. Screaming, you backed away in fear as tears formed in your eyes. She reached out to you and grabbed your shoulders, but you screamed louder.

“Get away from me!” you yelled.

People started to stare at you from all around, but you blocked them out as best as you could. Blinking to let the tears out, you noticed when you opened your eyes, Amara was gone and Dean stood in her place.

“Y/N, it’s me. Calm down.”

“Dean?” you gasped in short breaths.

You were going crazy, and you really wanted this all to end. Dean knew there was only one way to calm you down when you were like this, and he pulled you in close. He wrapped his arms around your back, forcing your head to lay over his heart.

“Listen to my heartbeat, Y/N. Follow its beat,” he said in a calm voice.

The steady beat of his heart was loud in your ear, and it took everything in you to focus on it. Dean slowed his breathing down so that you could follow it, and when you got yourself semi-under control, you began crying in his arms.

“She’s everywhere, Dean. I see her in my dreams, I’m seeing her when I’m awake. I don’t know what she’s doing to me. I don’t know what to do,” you cried.

“Hey, listen to me,” he said, pulling away to look at you in the eyes. He wiped the tears on your cheeks in reminder to get you to stop crying. “I know it’s scary, okay? I wish there was something I could do to make it all go away. When we get out of this town, we’ll contact a witch or someone who can help get her out of your head. Maybe Cas can help. Maybe Gabriel. All I know is that I’m going to take care of you okay? You don’t need to be afraid when I’m around, okay?”

“Okay,” you sniffled, looking down in shame.

Dean knew you were going to be alright, so he kissed your forehead and brought you in for another hug.

“Hey! I got a lead on the Colt,” Sam announced as he approached the car. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ll tell you on the way. Where’s the Colt?”

“I’ll tell you on the way,” Sam said, getting into the front seat.

Dean muttered something to you before opening the back seat.

“Get some rest, okay?”

He shut the door once you were inside and climbed into the front seat. He turned the car on and peeled away from the hotel.

Chuck watched as Dean drove away, and he couldn’t help but give a solemn look.

“Oh, Amara, what are you doing to her?” he muttered to himself.

Wanna get tagged? Add yourself to this document! If your tag doesn’t work, find out why!

@sing4mejensen​ @essie1876​ @gh0stgurl​ @redsalv20​ @superrandomnatural​ @scarletmeii​ @babypink224221​ @gaveherhearttotheliontattoo​ @akshi8278​ @a--1--1--3​ @kendlemariee​ @miraclesoflove​ @earthtokace​ @teamfreewillsstuff​ @fandom-princess-forevermore​ @kiwihoee​ @jennazeise​ @phantomalchemist​ @posiemax​ @22sarah08​ @tricksterdean​ @andi-mendes-barnes​ @put-my-favorite-record-on​ @countrygal17a​

[thomas-mvller]

Tag games x 283129

Hello everyone so uh lately i've started to be more active on my music sideblog which means i've been hearting stuff like crazy for the past couple of months aka all the things i've been tagged in has been buried under all that nonsense SO because i hate leaving things undone i thought on doing them all at once and tagging a bunch of people so they can get a little distraction by doing them (as in, not all of them but whichever they might want to do)

Again: you do not have to do all of them, not even one if you don't feel like doing so! there's a game for everyone so hey!

Tagging: @havertsz @foreverbayern @germanynts @sherlockisonfire @debushit @sadiiomane10 @miasanmuller @elishamanning @abcde-fc @bbjim @littletentaclemonster @tamtam-elizabeth @minimalloss @pearfight and whoever wants to do this! if you see it, consider yourself tagged >:))

Alright, here we go:

1) I was tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth and @/sadiiomane10 to post a capture of my lockscreen, homescreen and last song i listened to. Thank you both <3

I used to be very annoying when it came to changing my lock/homescreen so now i just don’t do that often anymore (previous to that my homescreen was a pic of lfc winning ucl OBVIOUSLY) also i haven’t really been listening to music lately but i did have a depeche mode phase like two weeks ago and this was the song i replayed the most so hey!

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2) “Get to know me” tag

Tagged by the always thoughtful @/tamtam-elizabeth , thank you and i’m sorry for taking so long ;-; <3

Name: Cloud

Birthday: sometime in november

Zodiac Sign: scorpio

Height: 5′4′’ or 1.65 (last time i checked..... which was like seven years ago)

Hobbies: lately it has been sewing facemasks 😂 that aside i like watching movies, random videos on yt, baking and crafting sometimes

Favorite colors: black, red and teal

Favorite Book: don’t think i have one :o

Last Song Listened to: barrel of a gun by depeche mode

Last Movie Watched: currently watching prince of egypt. if that doesn’t count then ben hur 😂

Inspiration or Muse: i really don’t know what to say here 😂

Dream Job: i still haven’t given up to my goal but at this point i just want a job that gives me stability and zero worries

Reason Behind my URL: Thomas Müller (German pronunciation: [ˈtoːmas ˈmʏlɐ]; born 13 September 1989) is a German professional footballer who plays for Bundesliga club Bayern Munich. A versatile player, Müller plays as a midfielde- okay no in all seriousness yess this url is bc of a football player 😂

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3) Ten songs playlist tag

Tagged by the joy that is @/foreverbayern and the always sweetest @/havertsz . thank youuuuu <3

Rules: We’re snooping through your playlist. Put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first 10 songs and then choose 10 victims.

Some months ago I made the mistake of transfering the songs i had in my old computer to my current laptop and there are some stuff that just........ should not be acknowledged so i can’t do shuffle HOWEVER i will choose ten random songs i’ve listened to/discovered this year (technically speaking is the same) so here it is:

art-i-ficial by x-ray spex

sunny afternoon by the kinks

desire lines by lush

paper cuts by incubus

pure love by hayley williams

spirit by bauhaus

no one knows by screaming trees

let’s love by suho

all we need is a dream by cheap trick

cosmonauts by fiona apple

bonus: you’re so close by peter murphy (god i adore this song)

I wouldn’t be surprised if these aren’t your cup of tea tbh 😂

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4) “Core aesthetic” tag

Tagged by @/havertsz - i’m sorry for the delay ;-; and thank you <3

rules: search your name + "core aesthetic" on pinterest, get a moodboard & select a few photos that come up

i can’t really use pinterest so i googled it instead, as you might’ve guessed this is what i got 😂

ps: i’ve been informed not to use pinterest so if you wish follow this post’s indications

ah this is so pretty, i loved doing this!

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5) 

Tagged by @/germanynts @/havertsz and @/elishamanning to do this tag, thank you all <3

rules: describe yourself with pictures you already have saved. no downloading or searching for new ones. then tag 10 people.

if you want further explanations for each pic... ask ahead 😂

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6) “bold what applies” tag

Tagged by the always enJoyable @/foreverbayern, thank yoooou <3

rules: bold what applies to you and tag a bunch of people

- Appearance

I am over 5’5 // I wear glasses/contacts // I have blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing over tight clothing // I have one or more piercings (had three...) // I have at least one tattoo // I have blue eyes // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look  // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball caps backwards

- Hobbies and interests

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with my friends // I travel during school or work breaks // I can do a handstand

Relationships

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush  // I have a best friend I have known for ten years // my parents are together // I have hooked up with my best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me // I have a long-distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

- Aesthetic

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sunrise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep (i did that for a long time and i sicnerely don’t recommend it) // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire (quick story time: one time when i was 12 my friends and i sneaked into our seniors’ school anniversary activities and they lit this huge bonfire near the football field, it was nuts) // I pay close attention to colours // I find mystery in the ocean (spoopy shit) // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // Autumn is my favourite season

- Miscellaneous

I can fall asleep in moving vehicles // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote(s) // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick-shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

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my god this is getting embarassing i had stuff long due ;-;

7) 

Tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth. think you for thanking on me when doing tag games, i mean it :-: <3

How old are you?: 24

Surgeries?: one

Tattoos?: none yet ://

Ever hit a deer?: i have never seen one so... no 😂

Sang karaoke?: yeah... years ago 😂

Ice skated?: nope

Ridden a motorcycle?: had the chance but nope

Ridden in an ambulance?: nope

Skipped school?: a handful of times

Stayed in a hospital?: for a few hours

Broken bones?: nope

Last phone call?: i haven’t called anyone in ages 😂

Last text from?: my mom

Pepsi or coke?: coke but i don’t mind having pepsi

Favorite pie?: haven’t had one

Favorite pizza?: chorizo + corn + red pepper

Favorite season?: autumn

Received a ticket?: don’t even know how to drive

Favorite color?: black, red and teal

Sunset or sunrise?: both!

Favorite Christmas song?: don’t think i have one, maybe universe by exo?

Cupcakes or cookies?: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh good q, cookies?

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8) “find your match” tag game

Tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth, you’re allowed to punch me in the face at this point

Rules:

Take the test

Reblog this post with what type you got

Tag 7 mutuals to do the same!

I got the Dreamer and my ideal partner would be The Innovator ?)

Seek out opportunities to collaborate with INNOVATOR types, who combine your lofty idealism with a focus on pragmatic solutions. The grounding energy of the INNOVATOR can inspire you to apply your imagination to real-world change.

that’s deep fam 😂 but okay!

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9) “get to know me tag”

Tagged by: @/littletentaclemonster . thank you and sorry for the delay ;-; <3

nickname: cloud zodiac: scorpio height: 5′4″ / 1.65 last movie I saw: can you believe i managed to watch another thing while making this? anyway it was The celluloid closet last thing I googled: block site extension favorite musician: as of right now? depeche mode song stuck in my head: you’re so close by peter murphy other blogs: @/brltpop and @/s-lay-ing amount of sleep: as long as i can get (usually 7 or 8) lucky numbers: don’t think i have one dream job: whatever gives me stability what am I wearing: pajamas  favorite food: chinese, mexican and italian language: which ones do i know? spanish and english somewhat. i want to learn japanese and german :c can I play an instrument: nope favorite song: atm is YOU’RE SO CLOSE (8) random fact: my nails usually grow sort of square except for my thumb and index fingers, they grow round for whatever reason describe yourself in aesthetic things: ?????????? idk man, messy room? loose clothes? football? cd’s on a shelf, posters on the walls ?????

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MY GOD WHY AM I LIKE THIS????????? 

10)

Tagged by @/littletentaclemonster you too can punch me in the face

Rules: Bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR: I have small hands • I love the night sky • I watch small animals and birds when I pass them by • I drink herbal tea • I wake to see dawn • The smell of dust is comforting • I’m valued for being wise • I prefer books to music • I meditate • I find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE: I don’t have straight hair • I like to wear ripped jeans • I play an organized sport  • I love dogs • I am not afraid of adventure • I love to talk to strangers • I always try new foods • I enjoy road trips • Summer is my favorite season • My radio is always playing

WATER: I wear bracelets on my wrists • I love the bustle of the city • I have more than one set of piercings • I read poetry • I love the sound of a thunderstorm • I want to travel the world • I sleep past midday most days • I love dimly lit diners and fluorescent signs • I rewatch kids’ shows out of nostalgia • I see emotions in colors not words

EARTH: I wear glasses/contacts • I enjoy doing the laundry • I am a vegetarian • I have an excellent sense of time • My humor is very cheerful • I am a valued advisor to my friends • I believe in true love • I love the chill of mountain air • I’m always listening to music • I am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER: I go without makeup in my daily life • I make my own artwork • I keep on track of my tasks and time • I always know true north • I see beauty in everything (sort of) • I can always smell flowers • I smile at everyone I pass by • I always fear history repeating itself • I have recovered from a mental disorder • I can love unconditionally

Water an aether huh, i don’t know what to do with this information 😂

/////////////

if you ask me i would very much appreciate it if you do the songs playlist tag bc i need recommendations thanks. Also massive apologies to the ones that were due since last year I had them in my drafts i swear!

Stay safe everyone :D

[fcarher]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all have witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

Mun Name: slug / ellie     Age: 19       Contact: IM, discord

Character(s) I rp: Yunaeisha Adynora, other demons from my lore Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(for MM): Yunaeisha Current Fandom(s): None really  Fandom(s) you have an AU for:  Naruto, PKMN, Magi, Gangsta, OPM, MHA, Hazbin Hotel & currently working on an ATLA verse My language(s): german, polish, italian, english   Themes I’m interested in for rp:   Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc. Themes/Genres you have an AU for: highschool, modern & fantasy/medieval

Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella. Asks can be send by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons. Can Asks be continued?:   YES / NO   only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO. Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck. Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?:   YES / NO. Are you atm open for new plots?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. How long do you usually take to reply?:  24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years. I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / au-versions (as main or only verse). Do you post more ic or occ?:  IC / OOC. Are you selective with following others?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting: the best way is just to straight up approach me. most often than not, just liking a post is not enough because it’s too vague ?? like if i post an idea & you like that, i’ll still be hesitant when it comes to roleplaying or approaching you because, while i appreciate such gestures, i’m just too anxious. therefore, plopping into my IMs without a properly fleshed out idea is also fine ! it, at least, gives me the hint that you’re actively seeking interaction. however, just saying “i want to roleplay & plot !” won’t cut it; at least, have something in mind, please !

What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner:  basic ideas & pouring their heart into plotting! i don’t mind waiting, at all, so if you’re busy, don’t worry about keeping me waiting; i completely understand since i’m also often busy with work or university. but !! please don’t only come to me with the statement: “i want to plot!” it’s not gonna cut it & it’s not gonna help with a proper interaction, at all. if i approach someone, most often than not, i have SOME sort of idea in mind. but yeah, being passionate is the most important thing!

When you notice the plotting is rather one-sided, what do you do?:  most often than not, the conversation will die down because i will loose motivation; i don’t like it because i’ll feel like a bother & i shouldn’t feel that way when it comes to a hobby! therefore, one-sided plotting is one of my deal breakers; i usually end the conversation & there will be little to no interaction happening. like i said; i don’t mind waiting, i just hate that feeling of coming on TOO strong when my plotting partner delivers no input. 

How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?:  often than not, i start off with rather simple question like; are you interested in a certain verse ? do you already have something in mind ? if not, i will go through their about page & ask them things about their character & how that could possibly bring our characters to interact. sometimes, the about pages of a muse cannot give you every single bit of information; muses grow & change with each thread, therefore, it’s often better to just ask the people about their characters ! & from then on, it often just comes naturally. 

When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if the thread is not THAT important or vital for our character’s relationship; i don’t mind & won’t need to know if the thread is dropped. sometimes, if it’s a heavily plotted thread & i’ve anticipated the interaction a lot; i’d appreciate a quick heads-up from my partner that they’re not feeling that certain thread any longer; i don’t mind that !! - What should your partner do when dropping a thread?: they don’t need to tell me; SOMETIMES, it’s just a nice gesture but most of the time, i don’t care, we can always start another thread !!

What could possibly lead you to drop a thread?:  many things can lead to me dropping a thread; just losing motivation, having no muse for a certain genre or simply having the feeling that my partner is not liking it, any longer (ex. extreme lack of trying to match the reply length ). my health & my schedule can also, sadly, affect my motivation, so, more often than not, i tend to drop shorter threads & keep longer ones.  - Will you tell your partner?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Is communication in the rpc important to you?   YES / NO. - And why?:  i get anxious really fast if people stop replying for a very long time, out of the blue. it has happened to me once before with a good friend with whom i have no contact with any longer due to miscommunication & them not trying to communicate the issue with me; therefore, yes, it is very important. i wanna know if something is bothering you; i wanna know if you like something very much; i wanna know what’s up ! we’re humans & we’re adults; we can talk about this.  - Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?:  yes ! as long as it is constructive criticism & not straight-up bashing my characters or lore; i’m all for it. i don’t mind hearing negative things; in fact, i appreciate the honesty & it gives me room to work on myself & my writing ! - Do you think you can handle such situation in a mature way?  YES / NO.

Why do you rp again, is there a goal?:  building relationships that LAST & exploring my muses through & through; it is amazing how much yuna has grown through interactions with others; how different she has become from the yuna i once started out with; it’s almost been a year now & it’s just amazing. however, i’m not stopping anytime soon; THERE IS SO MUCH MORE I WANT TO EXPLORE !! the ultimate goal is for me to just look at my blog & be completely proud of what i have accomplished & written; i want fleshed out relationships & threads; deep stuff !!

Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios:  yuna talking with someone about her struggles; mentally & physically. being open about her abusive father & how it has traumatized her & painted men in the worst picture one could imagine. HOWEVER; a hard thing because i don’t want these things to be pre-est or something; i want a thread where there is struggling, screams, conflict ! it is rather hard to find someone, though, who is willing & fitting to go onto that long journey with me & yuna. also, i’d love to write about darker stuff; i love fluff, though, sometimes i sure want a bit of that, too. 

Themes I won’t ever rp / explore:  the only things i won’t rp or explore are stated in my rules; ex. pedophilia, rape & really descriptive animal abuse. killing, torture, gore as well as cheating, heartbreak or toxic relationships are okay, while i do prefer to have a deeper bond with someone while exploring the latter & be communicating the whole time; i think these are really REAL topics & that’s why i wouldn’t mind exploring them because it does happen, more than one would like them to happen. however, if i see you, the mun, glorifying or romanticizing these; just no. 

What Type of Starters do you prefer / dislike, can’t work with?: i like everything with some sort of substance; i love short ones as much as long ones, nevertheless, you have to give me something to work with. yuna would ignore anyone not of any interest or value to her; therefore, if your muse just asks her random questions, the interaction will go nowhere. if you’re unsure; just ask !!

What type of characters catch your interest the most?: i love characters with uniqueness to them; it can be a certain interest, certain appearance or their species can be totally unique to them; i’ll love it ! i do have a thing for villains, though; always had, even when i was young 8^) so, dark, stubborn & “evil” characters catch my interest far more than a really nice muse who just is all smiles all day. i love a muse that can kick mine & yuna’s ass, basically. someone with strong morals or who is just really set on their beliefs can also offer conflict which i ADORE !! i need it; i live for it !!

What type of characters catch your interest the least?:  really kind & unbothered muses who are self-sacrificing, perfect & loved by everyone for no reason ?? idk, i just think it’s bad writing. everyone has flaws; no one is perfect ! 

What are your strong aspects as rp partner?:  i am a very open person who will talk with you about anything & is keen on exploring our character’s relationship at all times & through all means; i often send my rp partners prompts in form of my yuna just being her dumb-self or through memes ! i will constantly think about our characters & will try to have them interact as much as possible. i am, most of the time, very active & respond to the threads fairly quickly ! if i am totally invested; you’ll get everything you want; a moodboard, an edit, a drawing, etc. i literally pour my heart & soul into every bond my muse has; i live for them. oh !! i also love asking people question about their characters; i just love learning new things about them !! 

What are your weak aspects as rp partner?: i’m very slow out of character; i don’t approach muns a lot because i’m scared to be a bother, working on it ! i often ramble a lot & my writing can become a bit convoluted & hard to understand, i apologize ! i tend to not message people on discord as often as i’d like to; mostly because i’m really socially awkward or just don’t think that what i want to show to them is THAT important. i’m not as straight-forward as i wish myself to be; however, even with all that; i still have a lot of fun & am acknowledging & actively working on my weak aspects ! 

Do you rp smut?:  YES / NO. Do you prefer to go into detail?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Are you okay with black curtain?:  YES / NO. - When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?:  often, it is because i want to develop the relationship or yuna’s character; she’s a very sexual being who hardly connects to someone emotionally; therefore, writing sex & exploring the vulnerability behind it can be really beautiful ! though, fun is also involved !  - Anything you would not want to rp there?:  non-consensual stuff is a no-go ! also, certain kinks that make me uncomfortable are also off the table; ex. anything involving bodily fluids other than spit. 

Are ships important to you?:   YES / NO. Would you say your blog is ship-focused?:   YES / NO. Do you use read more?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Are you: Multi-Ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  Multiverse / Singleverse. - What do you love to explore the most in your ships?:  i love the conflicts the most; clashing ideals or just two stubborn muses arguing for the heck of it is really fun & can develop the relationship beautifully ! yuna is a person who likes someone that can be properly fought with, verbally here. but of course, i also adore the very soft moments!! i love meaningless fluff; it warms my heart.  - What is your smut tag?: SINFUL.

Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO. - And what kind of ones?: nothing TOO drastic; a friendship, a rivalry is a-okay ! however, i’m very hesitant when it comes to having pre-est. romantic relationships; though, you can quickly change my mind if you pour your soul into the plotting; then i’m fine with it ! everything that needs time when writing also needs time when plotting; don’t just straight up jump into something if you’re not able to give it your all.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?:  i think yuna is a person with whom it is easy to form relationships with; it takes a bit of time but due to her rather drastic ideals & opinions; anything can be founded within seconds. she doesn’t hold back when it comes to her honesty & conflicts will arise. also, for all muses with demonic or deity backgrounds; being a daughter of the literal queen of hell, though, also harboring fragments of a god’s soul makes her unique in the supernatural world which can spark interest with your character or even they can develop an ill-will towards her ? i think it’s really interesting exploring what makes one work & go on & yuna has the philosophical potential to tickle that out of your muse; she question EVERYTHING. now for certain plots; one-sided love or even friendships are always really interesting, especially when she is the one having such feelings. other than that; she has enormous & dangerous powers; so if you’re into character or world-building; can offer that as well !

- With what type of Muses do you usually struggle to rp with?:  humans; she doesn’t approach humans who are just kind & have nothing to offer for her, the least she’d do is have sex with them or kill them to harvest their life energy. i’m sorry but she really does hate all of humanity & to change that opinion ? man, you must be the most stubborn person ever.  - With what type of Muses do they usually work well with?:  characters who are of supernatural or demonic nature; she’ll be very interested & even nosy to a point. also, very attractive characters who are not afraid to speak their mind; she’s really superficial most of the time & will flirt with anything that she deems good-looking. muses who have ideals that contrast hers or that are similar to her but also, generally, people who are open-minded. 

- What interests your Muse(s) in general:  sex, parties, plants & flowers, astronomy, writing, demons & hell, the underground scene, killing, knives & playing the piano - What do they desire, is their goal?:  the questions that bother her the most are; why did her mother had to die ? why would nobody help her while she was being abused by her father ? why was she kept alive by her sisters ? is there love out there for someone like her ? what do these strange visions mean that occur almost every night ? she has a lot of things she wants to experience & wishes to have a normal life once she has killed her other mother, lilith, which is her ultimate goal, at the moment.  - What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?:  their appearance; the scent of their blood & if it differs from humans; how they react towards her & what they do in front of her.  - What do they value in a person?:    strong opinions, loyalty, good looks, humor, strength (not limited to physical strength) - What themes do they like talking about?:  herself or the world & the state of it; she likes being philosophical with some, can often be somewhat self-centered; THOUGH; it is almost always for her to see how they would react to that. 

- Which themes bore them?:  love & drama; she does not care a lot for gossip or anything relating to it; the topic of love, no matter in which sense, is always brushed off because she just doesn’t find any appeal in it. 

- Did they ever went through something traumatic?:  Being the reason her own mother committed suicide; Her father & sister abusing her all her life, spouting lies & beating her until she could stand no more while her other sisters would watch & do nothing, even though, they were supposed to support each other; laewa, one of her sisters, fancying the idea of killing yuna for the greater good; two of her best friends turning on her when they find out she’s not human & then being killed right in front of her eyes; her one & only boyfriend protecting her from a demon hunter & being killed in the process - What could possibly trigger them?:  loud sudden noises; making fun of her attachment to her late ex-boyfriend, being awfully nice to her, the sight of any dog or wolf, tender touches (esp. her back being touched), being alone with her thoughts for far too long  - What could set them off, enrage them?:  people who make fun of her & her powers; calling her a monster; not understanding her pain when she opens up; purposefully touching her back or any other scarred skin, being nosy  - What could lead to an instant kill?:  you are a demon hunter that does not show remorse when killing demons with a consciousness, trying to kill her, killing one of her comrades 

- Is there someone /-thing they hate?:  Keela Adynora, Myra Adynora (Father, Sister), the other D.O.L.s, EYES’ superiors (the organization she works for), Humans, Lilith - Is there someone /-thing they love?:  Evelin Adynora (Her biological mother)

Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: If you’re not quite human or are a demon, you could literally stand next to her & be silent; she’ll become curious on her own. other than that; be interesting or flirt with her; just do something that does not involve small talk; she hates that.  - Where are they usually to find?:  strip club (her workplace), bars, clubs, clearings within a forest, nice areas that are full of trees & plants; a roof-top

Something you may still want to point out about your muse?:  Yuna is basically pandora’s box personified; she may seem nice & attractive from the outside but within her are sleeping demons that only wait to be awakened. & withal, she is still a cutie who will become your number one supporter & protector if you manage to build a proper relationship with. it’s hard to get through that shell & what awaits is NOT that pretty but with years upon years of abuse, neglect & shit being thrown her way; it’s not easy being a carefree immortal. 

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @skyvar , i srsly love these so much, snow !! thank you for tagging me <3 i had so much fun 8′)  Tagging:  @thevvolf ; @nezumi-vc-103221 ; @empiia ; @dvojakyvlk ; @childrenxfthemoon ; @hensetsu​​ ; @goldempire​​ ; @animatedatrophy​ ; @talonness​ ; @shikkotsunin​ ; @wcrthlessanimal​ & anyone else !! 

[missmischievouswriter]

The Place Between Rage and Serenity- Part 1

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr believes he is alone in the world until he meets Charles Xavier, someone like him. A mutant. And someone with the same goal of stopping Sebastian Shaw. While putting together a team of their own Charles brings in a mutant that is a lot more like Erik than anticipated. Erik knows he needs to find the place between rage and serenity to control his powers but he never expected that place to be a person.

Pairing: Reader x Logan (Platonic), Reader x Charles (Platonic) Reader x Erik (Future)

Word Count: 1,895

Warnings: None

The first time I met Charles Xavier he wanted to talk with me about my mutation. To study me for his thesis. To try and get a better understanding of how mutants work. I agreed to sit down with him to talk.

The second time I met Charles Xavier was something I wasn't expecting.

..........

Wiping down the bar top for the fifth time that hour I sigh. Weekdays are always slow, no one comes to a bar mid-day to drink except the occasional college student or shift worker. And since I'm a woman, and it's still not that common for a woman to be working in a bar, they stick me with the day shift. The front door creaks as it's pushed open, my eyes flicker to the clock and I chuckle. Same time every day. Grabbing a glass and filling it with some whiskey, I turn and place it on the bar as Logan sits down. Logan is someone you wouldn't expect to be very friendly or talkative from looking at him, but surprisingly he is (at least to me). For one he is huge, over six feet tall with visible muscles, a chiselled face with visible stubble and dark brown hair. He's good looking but I've never seen him that way and I don't think he's seen me that way, considering he's called me kid from the moment he started coming in here.

"So, anything new to tell me?" I ask leaning forward and resting my arms on the bar top.

"You know there's nothing ever new with me kid." He pulls the glass ashtray towards himself pulling a cigar out of his pocket and lighting it.

"One day there will be." I straighten up.

"Mhm." Logan grunts.

We are both silent for a moment as he takes a puff from his cigar and a swing of his drink, setting the glass down on the bar top and looking me in my eyes. "Why are you still working here kid?"

I shrug, "I like it I guess."

Logan gives me a questioning look, "You like working day shifts in a bar?"

"Interesting customers."

Logan chuckles, shaking his head. "You could do a lot better kid."

"So could you but yet here we both are." I grab the whiskey bottle and refill his glass, "Plus if I got a different job we wouldn't get to have these lovely conversations every day." I smile.

Logan chuckles, "Guess you're right there."

I scoff, "Come on Logan, am I ever wrong?"

Logan raises his eyebrow at me, not saying anything. I cross my arms over my chest, pointing at him briefly as I say, "That doesn't count."

He chuckles again, "Pretty sure it does kid."

Logan left after about 45 minutes. I place his dirty glass with the others and dump out the ashtray, giving it a quick wipe with the rage before putting it back on the bar. Placing the rag back under the bar I turn to grab the washed glasses one of the bust boys brought out from the kitchen. Crouching down under the bar I place them all in their correct spots. Standing back up I fix my blue and green plaid mini skirt and pull my black knee-high boots back into their spot. Tightening my ponytail I turn to the wall behind the bar to start organizing the bottles. The door creaks as someone pulls it open. God, I need to get one of the boys to oil that thing, it's starting to drive me nuts. Footsteps make their way towards the bar.

"I never thought I'd find you here, in a place like this." An English accented voice speaks as the footsteps stop. A voice I recognize all too well.

Turning back around I place my hands firmly on my hips, "You better be here for a drink Charles Xavier." Charles smiles at me from his seat at the bar. He looks as handsome as he did the first time I met him, with his messy yet net brown hair, clean-shaven face and blue eyes that look as if he staring straight through you. On Charles left is a man, presumably his friend. He's handsome, dare I say more handsome than Charles. With a strong jaw, light brown hair that is swept to the side neatly, and striking blue-grey eyes. I tare my eyes away from and look back at Charles.

"Y/N, this is my friend," Charles motions to the man beside him.

"Erik Lehnsherr." He speaks for the first time, his voice is rough yet it has a smoothness to it and I feel my breath catch in my throat for a moment. His voice, like Charles, has an accent. Even though his accent isn't very thick it's still there slightly, and it's one that I recognize all too well. German. Having been born in Heidelberg and living there until I was 16 it was one I could never forget.

"And although we aren't here for a drink we are not opposed to one." Charles continues with a smile, my eyes flicker back to his and I let out a breath. Leaning down slightly, I grab two glasses from under the bar, placing them in front of the two men "Charles if you are here to ask me about that again it's a strong no." I give him a look as I fill both glasses with whiskey, placing the bottle down on my side of the bar afterward.

"Well I'm not here to ask you about that specifically but it does have part of the reason why I'm here. Y/N how would you-"

I raise my hand, "I'm stopping you right there Charles. No."

He sighs, "You don't even know what I was going to ask."

"Charles I don't care, my answer is still no." I cross my arms over my chest.

Erik's eyes flicker between Charles and me as he sips his drink.

"Please Y/N, allow me to at least explain. I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't of the utmost importance."

"Charles you more than anyone should know why I have a reason to say no. You more than anyone should understand that."

"But that's exactly why I'm here. Sebastian Shaw-"

I shake my head, back up from the bar. "My shifts over. Consider the drink on the house." Turning, I walk towards the back of the bar, grabbing my coat and making my way towards the exit.

..........

Charles and Erik turn, watching Y/N walk out of the bar.

"I have to say, friend, you failed quite miserably at that." Erik chuckles, sipping his drink. “She is quite pretty though, you did forget to mention that.”

Charles gives him a look "Come on, I'm not quitting yet." He gets up from the chair and goes back out the front door. Erik sighs, downing his drink and following Charles.

..........

Sliding the key into the lock, I twist it and push the door open. Stepping inside I see Charles and Erik sitting on my couch. I slam the door closed behind me.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Charles?" I huff, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Y/N you must consider what I am saying. The good you can do-"

"Enough Charles! How can you not understand that I just want to live in peace? Do you know how hard it's been to keep under the radar? I don't exactly want people knowing I'm a mutant. Tell me, do you think my hair is naturally this colour or do you think I dye it?" I motion to my hair, the raven black of it shines with multiple colours like an oil spill, the colours coming through more when it moves and when light shines on it.

Charles looks at me as if trying to read my mind, but the wall I keep around it presumably blocks him out. My eyes flicker to look at Erik, leaned back in the chair with his chin resting in his hand, he appears to be studying me. I look back at Charles who sighs.

"I believe you dye it."

"You're wrong," I state. "My hair is naturally like this Charles. One thing you don't understand about mutations is that they can have a physical manifestation too, something that isn't linked to the mutants powers like Raven's. Through the hair or the eyes or a mark on the skin. I never told you that my hair is due to my mutation because I didn't want you putting that in your paper, I didn't want you talking about it. The whole world doesn't need to know about us Charles."

Charles stands and walks towards me, "Y/N please, just listen to what I have to say. I-"

"No Charles," I say, my voice cold now. "If all you came here to do was ask about my mutation again you can leave."

Charles sighs, he places his hand on my shoulder, "If you change your mind you know how to contact me."

"I won't," I say firmly. Charles sighs again, giving my shoulder a light squeeze before letting go and walking towards the door, leaving the door open for Erik to follow. My eyes move to him, having watched Charles leave. Erik hasn't moved from his spot, his still sitting with his chin resting in his hand watching me.

"You can go." I motion to the door.

"Why don't you want to help?"

"You just heard why. Now go." I motion towards the door again.

"No. That's not the real reason."

"Excuse me?"

Erik stands and walks towards me, "You're scared. Charles may not be able to tell but I can. What you're scared of I don't quite know yet."

I stare Erik down, "I'm not scared. And you don't know a thing about me."

But the truth is I am and that's the exact reason I said no to Charles. I'm scared of being found out again, I can't relive what happened last time. But Charles, nor Erik, need to know that.

"Are you sure about?" Erik asks. "Because I can see it in your eyes. The way you talk. The way you are holding yourself. You aren't angry. You're scared. Is it of being found out? That's it isn't it. You don't want anyone knowing you have abilities." I didn't think my body language was giving away how I really felt, Charles couldn't see it, but somehow Erik could.

"I-"

Erik ignores me and keeps talking, "You shouldn't be ashamed of your powers. They are what make you unique. Stand out. And being with others of your kind will allow you to explore them, not hide them from the world, and you'll be protected. You won't have to run anymore."

"What makes you so sure I'm running and hiding?" I ask.

Erik takes a moment to look around my apartment. Besides the small amount of furniture and the few pieces of art hanging on the walls, it's empty. No family photos, no personal effects. My eyes watch him as he briefly looks around before his eyes turn back to lock on to mine. "No one's home is this empty if they aren't running." He's silent for a moment. "I promise you, if you help us, join us, you won't have to run anymore. You won't have to be scared." And with that Erik moves past me, walking out the door. Leaving me to think about what he said.

[writing-of-a-british-bitch]

As it began

Fandom: Xmen: Apocalypse (with mentions of Xmen: Days Of Future Past)

Specified gender: Female

Pairing: Warren Worthington III x reader/ Platonic!Charles Xavier x reader

TW: language, death, mentions of suicide, a lot of angst

Genre: ANGST 

Word Count: 9.4K

Requests: OPEN

Masterlist

A/n: THE GERMAN AND POLISH IN THIS PROBABLY ISN’T ACCURATE (There are translations) italics means flashback! The second gif will make sense when you read the fic ;)  This is a Warren x reader, but it HUGELY focuses on Charles and the reader's relationship.  And Bitch. I’ve been working on this fic for well over a month and I’ve been so hyped for it. I’m so incredibly happy that I get to post it. I got the title idea from White Queen by the way. Enjoy you guys! I’m so proud of this fic!!!!! Also, this is the longest fic I’ve ever written by FAR! Massive thanks to  @writingfortoomanyfandoms for listening to my constant bullshit and proofreading certain parts. Ily wifey.

When Charles had taken her in as his own, it'd changed both of their lives. She'd been abandoned on the steps of his mansion when she was just two years of age, causing a large amount of panic to be instilled in the mutant. He and Hank had gone over any and every possible scenario, including making the decision on whether or not to keep her. Eventually, after a long, and quite heated discussion, Charles settled on the decision of keeping her. To raise her as his own. (Y/N) Xavier had her father wrapped around her little finger. There wasn't a thing he wouldn't do for her. That was until he began taking that evil serum that gave him his legs but took his powers. At that stage in life, she had been residing in the mansion for four years, meaning she had been there since 1968, six years after Charles losing any use of his legs. And for some reason, that thought agitated Charles. But he never yelled at her. His anger was always at Hank or anyone who tried to visit. However, even after he'd stopped taking the serum and reopened the school, he'd sent her away to Erik, knowing she would be safe in his protection. 1975 became (Y/N)'s worst year for that one reason. It was a little too much for the nine-year-old to understand. And no matter how many times Erik attempted to explain it to the young girl, she would never understand. She couldn't understand why mutants were exiles and reject, seeing as the only ones she'd yet to come into contact with were all beyond kind to her. Of course, she didn't understand.

But she understood now. A whole eight years later had brought equal amounts of good and bad knowledge of mutants to her vulnerable mind. Erik's family had become her own, though Erik would tell her stories of her own father at her times of need and fear. It comforted her, though she hadn't seen him in a long time, the memories she held of him were fond and brought a smile to her face. (Y/N) had been sitting on the couch reading a book and Erik's wife, Magda, was folding some clothes. It was peaceful. Magda was like a mother to her, as Erik was a second father, and Nina was like her sister. Suddenly, Erik rushed through the door, causing the teen to jump at the noise of the door bouncing against the wall. He was speaking through hurried words about how they all had to leave.

"You did a good thing; you saved that man!" Magda argued, putting a hand on Erik's arm as he began collecting belongings, dashing through the rooms, his wife hot on his heels. She watched from the couch, unsure of what to do, feeling helpless and lost.

"That's not the point. If I'm exposed, we're all exposed," Erik stopped, moving to stand before his wife, resting a hand on her cheek, "We have to go."

"This is our home. This is our two daughters home," She shot back, gesturing blindly towards (Y/N) and she felt her heart warm, despite the tense and fearful situation.

"We are their home. I told you who I was the first night I met you. I trusted you then. I need you to trust me now. We can't stay here anymore," A sigh escaped his wife's lips and she glanced at the girl, still sat frozen on the couch, though she was on the edge of her seat now. (Y/N) knew very well how dangerous it was for Erik's cover to be blown, despite being young at the time of his most recent incident. She was young and naive. But she wasn't completely stupid.

"I'll go get Nina," Magda stated before darting upstairs. Erik's eyes fell to the girl. Practically his other daughter. He could see the panic in her eyes. The fear she felt. He felt guilty. Slowly, Erik made his way over and pulled her into a hug. (Y/N) breathed him in, feeling safe in his arms. Her real father wanted nothing to do with her, she hadn't seen her adoptive father in years, so being held by a father figure was one of the nicest feelings she'd experienced.

"I know you're scared, but you've no reason to be. I made a promise to protect you and I will keep that promise to you, my wife and my daughter, even if it kills me," (Y/N) had never known sentimentality in his voice before Magda. It was almost like a breath of fresh air when you heard it for the first time. But the moment was broken by Magda, rushing back downstairs.

"She's not in her room," Magda's voice held trepidation and that made the teen incredibly anxious like never before. Instantaneously, she broke the hug and bolted to the window, seeing Nina's common spot barren.

"I don't see her out back," (Y/n) added, feeling her heart drop to her toes. Quickly, just as Erik and Magda began running around the house, she pulled on her shoes. Before she could get outside, Erik had already beaten her too it and the trio was sprinting to the forest, calling out the child's name. All of them felt their blood run cold at the sight of a group of police officers gathered in an opening, the front officer holding Nina in a tight grip, unrelenting even as she squirmed and struggled.

"Are you okay?" Erik called to his daughter, eyeing the police officers with narrowed eyes, anger spiking through him as they tightened their hold.

"Nic jej nie jest( she's fine), "The officer reassured coldly and Magda took a step forward, despite Erik's warning glance.

"Then let her go!" She yelled and (Y/N) carefully took Magda’s hand in hers to settle her despite the rage coursing through her.

"Zrobimy to. Chcieliśmy tylko porozmawiać (We will. We just wanted to talk)" Another officer added. The teen could spy Erik shooting Nina a reassuring look, and she calmed slightly.

"Nie nosisz odznaki. Żadnego metalu( You aren't wearing your badges. No metal)," Erik remarked quietly, watching as the officers shifted uncomfortably. It was clear they feared him despite their tough exterior. Their twitching. Their nervous habit. The things that made them so painfully human. The things that made them so weak.

"Niektórzy ludzie z fabryki powiedzieli, że coś dzisiaj widzieli. Coś, co nie miało sensu. Byłeś dobrym obywatelem, Henryk. Dobry sąsiad, dobry pracownik. Chciałbym w to uwierzyć. ( Some men from the factory said they saw something today. Something that made no sense. You have been a good citizen Henryk. A good neighbour, a good worker. I would like to believe that)" Magda took another step forward at that comment. Erik was a good man. (Y/N) thought so anyway.

"On jest (He is!)" She yelled, the hand that wasn't linked with (Y/N)'s clenched. However, th police simply ignored the woman, continuing on. (Y/N) was desperate to say something. But she knew better. She'd been taught, both by Charles and Erik, that in a moment of potentially life-threatening conflict, let adults talk, until she was one herself.

"Ale nikt w mieście tak naprawdę nie wie, kim jesteś (But no one in town really knows who you are)," The man raised his eyebrows a little, prompting Erik for a response.

"Wszyscy wiedzą. Jestem Henryk Gurzsky! Jacob, nawet zjadłem u niego obiad ( Everybody knows. I am Henry Gurzsky. Jacob, I even had dinner at your place)" Erik sounded panicked. Something she hadn't heard in a long time. He was scared. Terrified even. Jacob's eyes turned venomous, eyebrows turning down into a glare.

"A ty cały czas kłamałeś. Wpuściłem mordercę do domu (And you were lying all the time. I let a murderer into my house)."Jacob growled, but the family tensed in unison as the front police officer, the one holding Nina, produced a newspaper. It had a black and white picture of Magneto on the front, back in Washington, "Czy to pan nazywa się, Magneto? (Are you the one called Magneto?)" Erik's eyes turned desperate. He spared a glance at the women behind him. He couldn't do this to them. But he had to.

"Poddaję się. Proszę. Pozwólcie mojej córce odejść.( i surrender. please. Let my daughter go)" He begged, taking a cautious step forward, eying the archers with distrust evident in his blue hues. Tentatively, the officer released Nina, the girl instantly sprinting into her father's arms. Erik returned the hug tightly, wishing he could stay with her forever.

"Idź z matką. (Go with your mother)" Erik murmured to his daughter, tenderly pushing her so Magda could pull her into a protective embrace, tight against her body. (Y/N) wanted to intervene, offer herself instead, pull Erik back. Anything. She had been taught better to act on her emotions. Nina fought against Magda, trying to break free of her arms, screaming out.

"Proszę! Nie zostawiaj mnie. Nie pozwolę im cię zabrać! (Please! Don't leave me. I won't let them take you!)"Birds flocked in, seemingly, out of nowhere, aiming their sharp beaks and beady eyes at the officers. Their claws scratched and their beaks pecked, all of the officers ducking and flailing their arms in surprise. Magda speedily twisted Nina around, trying to stop her. But in all the commotion, everyone failed to notice a singular arrow shooting through the air.

(Y/N) let out a short scream as the arrow struck Nina, eyes widening and tears filling her eyes, hand covering a mouth as a sob escaped her throat. Erik's eyes were glossy and he sprinted over, collecting his wife and child in his arms. His nose was buried in his daughter's hair, tears leaking down his cheeks. She couldn't believe it. They were gone. A part of her wished it had been her instead of them. After all the hardship Erik had faced, he deserved happiness. And he'd found it. And in a second he'd lost it again. (Y/N) wished the arrow hit her. Erik barely glanced up as Nina's locket began floating before suddenly raced through the air. The metal glided through the men's necks, each of them falling one by one. He caught the bloodied locket in his hand, clutching it tightly, before letting out a sob into his girls' shoulders. (Y/n) felt terrified. She'd never felt that way before. Not around him. Never around him. Erik knew that without even looking. Why wouldn't she be?

"You should leave. You're no longer safe with me. Germany is the safest place for you right now. Away from me.

Only a few days later, (Y/N) had found herself in Germany, finally using the language Erik had taught her so many years ago. She was alone. Vulnerable. No one to guide her. No one to call a friend. Or a father. Her place of residence, given that she had no money, had become an abandoned bungalow. The bricks were disintegrating with every day that passed, rain pelting through the gaps in the roof whenever the weather called of it. Most of the doors had been knocked down, but the few that remained were slowly rotting away. It was always freezing and made her curl into herself and shiver, but it was the closest thing she had at home. Half of her brain was screaming at her to go back home to Charles, but she had no way of returning to her dad. So there she stayed, avoiding anyone she could, only leaving when she really needed to. Somehow, she fell into some sort of a schedule, giving her some peace of mind, Until they came. She'd been hurt. She was unprotected. She was a perfect target.

A large crash distracted (Y/N) from her task, instantly placing her on high alert. Erik's words swam around her head 'Don't let them corner you' ' Don't let them overpower you.' Carefully, and as silently as possible, she lifted herself onto a low hung piece of wood. The seventeen-year-old hoisted herself through a gap in the roof, head peeking over the side just as a small group barged into the room she was previously positioned in. There were two females, both held themselves defensively. One of them had pure white hair and the other had dark hair. Complete opposites but nothing particularly interesting to (Y/N). When her eyes shifted over to the two males, her opinion quickly changed. All of a sudden, the group had piqued her interest. The man, if she could call him that, was tall with a strong physique, easily towering over the others, His face was a light blue, dark navy etching decorating his face. Then she saw him. Blond curls sprouted from his head, making him look angelic as light filtered through the broken windows, huge opposition to the leather jacket he wore. He had gorgeous green orbs and (Y/N) felt her heart stutter. She watched as the group looked around, mumbling hushed words between them. She couldn't help but wonder if they were looking for her. But, surely, that was impossible. Why would they be looking for her?

"There's no one here. You were wrong," The woman with white hair stated, and the three younger followers turned their harsh stares to the man stood in front of them. The blue-faced man remained still, almost frozen until his eyes suddenly snapped to (Y/n). Her eyes widened in shock, her heart pounding, and she launched herself off of the short roof. As soon as she hit the floor, her legs were moving as fast as they could carry her, They may not have been a risk, but she didn't want to take that chance. She sped through the empty field that isolated the bungalow, desperately trying to reach the forest before they got too close. She prayed for luck. She didn't receive it. A loud clinking sounded from behind her, strong arms wrapping around her waist and pulled her backwards, letting go the moment before her body made contact with the hard floor. A groan broke from her cracked lips and she sat up slowly, shielding her eyes from the sun. A figure blocked the sun a second later. Then two. Then three. Then four. Her eyes opened, fear glistening in them.

'Don't show fear' the words, though spoken to her so long ago, snapped her back to reality. (Y/N) furrowed her eyebrows, glaring at the group.

"Wer seid ihr?( Who are you?" She demanded, using an arm to support her body. When she received no response, she could feel resentment rising in her.

"Ich sagte, wer Zum Teufel bist du? (I said, who the fuck are you?)" It was then she noticed that the curly haired boy had two silver, metal wings growing from his back. An angel in sense of the word.

"Wir Sind Hier um Ihnen etwas anzubieten ( we are here to offer you something), "The angel responded and (Y/N) stood up, finding amusement as the three younger people tensed, folding her arms over her chest.

"Oh? Und was wäre das? (Oh? And what would that be?)"Every second that passed made her feel more on edge, wishing Erik or Charles were there.

"A way to show your true potential. Your mutation is your greatest strength," The blue-faced man's voice was low, breathy. It sounded almost like he was choking.

"Verpiss dich ( Fuck off). I don't have a mutation. So thanks, but no thanks. You wasted your time," After living in Poland for so long, a slight accent tinted her voice, intriguing Warren greatly. Yet, it almost made her cringe, memories of Magda and Nina clouding her thoughts. Just as she had turned her back to the group, she fell to her knees, a scream of agony tearing through her mouth. Millions of thousands of voices filtered into her brain, all overlapping and shouting. Her ears rung and she brought her hands to cover her ears, nails digging into her scalp. For some unknown reason, the sight bothered Warren immensively and he had to turn his head away. Her screams made him want to vomit. In her moment of weakness, (Y/N) failed to notice the ice gathering around her knees and her fingertips. Frost patterned her hand and arms and the ice gradually slithered down to her elbow. But just as the voices had begun, they were cut off once more. Chest heaving, she looked over her shoulder, fearfully taking her hands from her ears.

"What did you do to me?" She breathed it. She'd never heard herself sound so defenceless. She hated it.

"I showed you your true ability. If you come with me, I can train you to your full potential," A voice deep down was telling her to run. But in that moment of unguarded emotion, she accepted.

When (Y/N) was brought back to Poland with Storm, Psylocke, Warren and Apocalypse, Warren could feel the uneasiness radiating from her. The assembly arrived outside a factory, a man she knew far too well stood in front of the entrance. She hid behind Warren and, despite only knowing her for a few hours, he felt like he had to protect her. The longing glances didn't go unnoticed by Psylocke, who narrowed her eyes in warning. Warren swiftly outstretched his wings just enough to cover the newly discovered mutants. He didn't know what had come over him. All he knew was that he would die for her, should it come to it.

"Who the fuck are you?" Erik turned to face them, flinching when Apocalypse took a step closer "Stay back. Whoever you are, don't try to stop me from killing these men," (Y/N) shuddered. Never before had she heard him speak like that. She knew what he'd done in the past. Who didn't? But hearing those words from his mouth unsettled her.

Their fingers were locked together as Apocalypse ran a hand down Warren's temple and cheek, leaving a black tattoo in his wake. It'd been days since he'd first met her, but something had clicked between the pair. An angel, who never allowed himself to trust anyone, had become attached in such a short amount of time. That alone made him anxious. And he wasn't the only one. Erik had nearly fought her trying to make her stay away. He wanted to protect one of the last family members he had left. Both himself and (Y/n) knew that he couldn't do that if she went through with it.

"You can't do this," Erik stated, watching as she patched up a hole in Storm's outfit. Something Charles and Magda had taught her.

"I can. And I'm going to," She replied, eyes still fixed on the needle and thread, pulling a piece of thread between her teeth.

"I won't let you" He shot back, and though his voice was calm, she could tell he was perturbed. Before he was discovered in Poland, he'd never been so firm with her. Upon her thirteenth birthday, she had been granted free will and trust. She never dared cross him. Always the perfect child. Erik not once failed to see Charles in her, though she wasn't biologically his. His characteristics had rubbed off on her. And Erik didn't know if he could bear to see her fall.

"Erik, don't try and stop me. I've made my decision," (Y/N)'s voice turned harsher, taking the thread from her teeth as she finished working on the outfit. Despite the tense atmosphere, she still gracefully folded the outfit. Something Charles used to do, Erik recalled.

"I promised Charles-" Alarm bells rang in Erik's head when she stood up, an ice blast shooting from her hand, narrowly missing his ear.

"Fuck what you promised Charles! He decided to give me away to you, so I couldn't care less what he says," She seemed surprised as he was. Not at any time had she said a bad word of Charles. She'd admired him for forever. She was already losing her way. It hurt to see. Though at that moment, Erik's emotions took charge, causing him to snap. Something he swore he'd never do in front of her. Yet it had happened twice.

"You're not putting yourself in danger! I won't lose you too!" In his rage, a stray piece of metal flew at her, knocking her into the wall. Her head made contact with the wall before she fell down onto her hands and knees. A shaky hand came to graze the back of her head, pulling back only to see a bit of blood staining her frosted fingers. Upon seeing the blood, Erik took a few steps back. No. He had hurt her. He was supposed to be her protector. How could he? With all the commotion, Warren had run in, instantly rushing to her side, a hand on her shoulder and another on her waist. He was glaring daggers at Erik as he carefully helped her out. Expletives escaped Erik's lips as he threw the nearest object at the wall, making it shatter on impact.

"Ow, fuck," (Y/N) hissed, flinching away from Warren's delicate touch. The angel narrowed his eyes, pulling her back to his chest.

"Hold still," His words were harsh, trying to hide the rising concern in his body, accidentally pressing a bit too hard on her head. She turned in his lap, now straddling him, slapping his shoulder sharply.

"Careful!" That tone frightened her. Since she was young, her words were soft spoken. Charles had instilled it into her. The coldness of her voice was icier than her mutation could ever be. It was like a shard of glass, impaling whoever it was directed at.

"Can't you see that I'm trying? I could just leave you here to sort your own shit out, "Warren grumbled, glaring at her. She let out a sigh, resting her head on his chest.

"I'm sorry. Thank you for taking care of me, Warren," (Y/N) was exhausted. He could see it in her eyes. She'd been pushed to the limit by Apocalypse when training. Never giving her a chance to catch her breath. It wasn't fair. But she needed to learn. Warren released a frustrated huff, linking his hands behind her back. Why couldn't he stay mad at her? He'd been notorious for holding grudges against people for years over the smallest things, yet he couldn't seem to bring himself to be angry at her. Somehow, that irked him more.

"Warren, did you hear me?" She repeated, causing Warren to snap out of his trance and look down into her sparkling (E/C) orbs. He didn't expect what he did next. He didn't know why he did it or quite how it happened, but before they both knew it, their lips were locked in a searing kiss. (Y/N)'s fingers tangled in his hair and Warren gripped her hips, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. Her lips were perfectly moulded for his and he felt like he'd died and gone to heaven. Fitting for him, really. The moment felt amazing but Warren broke the kiss, placing his forehead on hers. He resisted the temptation to touch his lips, still tingling from the hard but oh so wonderful kiss.

"(Y/N), you know we can't do this," he mumbled, his hot breath fanning over her lips. The warmth of his lips was teasing her. But she knew that he was right.

"I know," She responded sadly, not yet daring to open her eyes. Because if she opened her eyes, she wouldn't be able to hold herself back.

"I don't want us to get involved. We're going to war in a few days. And if we carried this on when that happens, there's no guarantee we'll return to each other. I can't hurt you like that," His words were barely audible like he was terrified of the thought. And honestly, he was. Silently, she nodded, climbing off of him, beginning to walk the door. He swore he could hear both his and her hearts breaking as she stopped at the door.

"Thanks for fixing up my head. I appreciate you more than you think."

Erik was mumbling to himself as Apocalypse decorated (Y/N)'s back with a dark tattoo, a long-dead language imprinting her skin in barely legible writing, just about visual through the sheer costume she wore. Her (H/C) locks had been tainted a dark blue at the ends, closely matching the shade of her fingertips. The subtle changes made her look different. Erik wasn't quite sure he liked it at all. All of a sudden, Apocalypse turned abruptly, staring directly at Erik. His head turned up to the ceiling after an almost silent statement she couldn't hear.

"It's always the same. And now this. No more stones; no more spears, no more slings; no more swords! No more weapons! No more systems! No more!" The god's voice raised with each item, bouncing off the cold stone walls and reverberating through the ears of the mutants. (Y/n) clung to Warren's hand. And at first, Erik thought her to be scared. But to his great dismay, he saw a grin rise on her cheeks at Apocalpyse's declaration "No more superpowers." Erik couldn't bear to see her change of character. The evil glint in her eyes. The darkness that tinted her innocent smile. He barely noticed a portal being opened until Psylocke aggressively pulled him inside. The group reappeared in a hallway that was pain-wrenchingly familiar to Erik and (Y/n). She tried to ignore the ache in her heart when she noticed the shock and sadness that crossed Hank's face upon seeing her. Then there was her father, leant over, unconscious in his wheelchair.

"Erik," Raven began softly, only to be interrupted when Erik speedily extended his arm, Charles' chair being dragged to him, his body limp and lifeless. It hurt to see him but she rapidly turned with Psylocke and Storm and walked back through the portal. A violent cough escaped her lips as she inhaled some sand on the other side. Warm gusts of air blew her hair and a drift in the wind brought out a desperate scream.

"CHARLES!"

She couldn't bring herself to look at her father. Despite the change of views and perspectives being brought to light, she couldn't watch him in pain. Warren had noted it. Of course, he had. (Y/n)'s tense uncomfortableness had not been lost on him. It was a dead giveaway. He wanted to guide her. Help her. But he couldn't risk it. In such a life-threatening time, he couldn't let himself get attached. A thought tickled the back of his mind. Because he knew it was too late and he was absolutely, positively sewn to her. Anyone could suspect it, given how close in proximity they remained at any provided moment together. Erik could see it. And he knew the look they both gave each other. The look he used to give to his wife.

A groan rose from Charles' mouth as he slowly regained consciousness. Warren knew little of (Y/N)'s backstory, though, from the way she shifted beside him, he could perceive that she and the professor had some sort of history, as clearly strained as it was. Charles reached up, pinching the bridge of his nose. Something she remembered him doing when everyone's thoughts were particularly loud.

"You're blocking me. How?" He asked, annoyance and confusion concocted together in his voice. Hearing his voice after so many years almost made his daughter flinch and question herself. What was she doing? She didn't stand by Apocalypse's values. Yes, she did. Of course, she did. Why would she be here otherwise? Apocalypse leant down slightly before taking a seat before him. Charles' eyes were squinting from the almost blinding sunlight beating down on the group.

"I can shield their minds from your powers. One of the many gifts I've acquired over the millennia. But to see inside the mind... to control it. That's your gift," Apocalypse got closer, his voice lowering in volume. Menacing. Almost. "You saw it, didn't you? The glory of what's to come," Charles wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a response and jerked his head to Erik instead.

"You're going to take part in all this killing? The destruction?" Erik's eyes narrowed at the question.

"It's all I've ever known," He replied and Charles let out a weak, quiet scoff.

"No, it's not. You've just forgotten," Charles responded instantly, propping his arms against the floor so he could sit up. (Y/n) could remember being picked up by him and being driven around the mansion with him in his wheelchair, everything passing in a blur. She could remember, when he started taking the serum, chasing her around in circles, laughter echoing through the entire house before the mood swings kicked in. That was her father. And she was siding against him.

"No Charles, I remember. Your way doesn't work," As Charles tilted his head to look back at Apocalypse, a gleam of metal in the sun caught his eye. His heart almost shattered at that moment. She was there. His daughter. (Y/n) was stood right there, hand locked with Warren's, eyes glued to the floor. He'd watched her grow with Cerebro. But it was nothing like seeing her in person. He only wished it had been under better circumstances.

"(Y/N)," Charles called out softly. He observed helplessly when her face shifted before his view was obstructed by shining wings as Warren turned her around, arm around her shoulder, wings extended

The clinking of wings was the only way (Y/N) knew Charles had been placed down. Until there was a gentle request of her name.

"(Y/N), he's using you. You know that. This group aren't good for you. You don't stand for their beliefs," She didn't. She knew that. No. She did stand for them. She had to. Both desperation and disappointment were present in his voice. She narrowed her eyes, turning sharply on her heel.

"How would you know what morals I stand for? You haven't seen me since you gave me away," She snarled and Warren eyed the exchange curiously, watching sadness fill Charles' features. He was looking at her like he'd never seen her before. It took everything in her to not crack under Charles' gaze. And Charles could see it. In her eyes. But he also saw something darker. A force. A state of mind that he'd taught her to fight. And she'd succumbed to it. He couldn't see her fighting it once more.

"I gave you to Erik to protect you," He shot back, pushing himself up slightly.

"Well, look how that turned out," A loud crash outside distracted the two teens and Apocalypse made an entrance, his thundering footsteps slowly making their way closer.

"Enough," His voice, though hushed and lowered in volume, seemed to load the expanse of the room vibrate through every crevice."My children, you have done me well. Guard this place. Let not a soul disturb us."

"You're just another false god. Whoever's left to follow you and when this is all over they will betray you again, "Warren shoved Charles back against the stone slab, a grunt escaping his lips at the contacts. Charles had to keep his eyes on Apocalypse, for if he looked at (Y/n) he knew he'd see something he'd always feared. Seeing her lose to herself.

"(Y/N), go find Storm and Psylocke. I'll deal with the disappearing bastard," Warren did a tester spin, sharp feather-shaped knives firing from his wings. Perfect shot.

"Keep yourself safe," (Y/N) replied, adjusting her outfit. Warren gave her a smirk, disguising his concern with his bad-boy demeanour.

"No promises," With that, Warren launched himself into the air, flying to the peak of the building, positioned in the darkness. (Y/n) let out a sigh before sprinting out into the light, scrubbing her eyes as they adapted to the beating sun. In that second, however, a flash of silver knocked her over, a punch instantly being landed on her cheek. Another punch was placed in her ribs before someone pulled on her legs, tugging her so her head made contact with a stray stone, reopening the wound previously left by Erik. Peter attempted to strike the girl once more but ice swarmed around his ankles, pinning his feet to the ground. With a growl, a blue blast exploded from her hand, knocking Peter back. She was gone before he had the chance to get up. Loud snarls came from behind her, Hank gaining up on her. As he went to attack, she turned to face him and his eyes widened. The shock caused him to come to a harsh halt, his heels digging into the sand. She was here. A sharp pain tore through his body before he could contemplate the thought, ripping an agonised scream from his body, barely able to see Storm hover over to (Y/n) and pick her up to place her on a building top. It gave the mutant better aim. Storm hovered in the air, situated in the large gap between (Y/N) and Psylocke. Psylocke looked over at the two.

"Split them up!"She called, nodding at Scott, Hank and Jean. Storm's eyes transformed into a bright white, electrical sparks dancing between her fingertips. (Y/N) and Storm shared a look as (Y/N) sent ice in a line between the mutants, Storm using the solidified water to turn the ice deadly. The three x-men jumped out of the way, narrowly avoiding the skin-frying river between them. Just as (Y/N) went to assault them again, a flash of light distracted her, watching in horror as she saw Warren and Kurt disappearing and reappearing every few seconds.

"(Y/N)! No distractions!" Psylocke hissed, but she had already taken off, using the ice to quicken the place. That was until a red beam fired right beside her leg, singeing part of her outfit as she was sent to the side. She let out a pained moan, rubbing her ribs to ease the pain of landing on some metal. Suddenly, that same gust of wind returned picked the girl up and threw her in a pile of rubble, half of it collapsing on top of her. (Y/N)'s arms were pinned to her sides. She could barely breathe, only able to let out an almost silent call for help. She was going to die. No. She couldn't die. She'd never been so petrified in her life. Storm rushed over, earning a furious glare from Psylocke

"Leave her! She put herself in danger!" She exclaimed, using her neon pink rope-like whip to attack Hank, curling around his neck. Storm paid little mind, floating over to the pile (Y/N) was buried under. She began clawing at the rocks, tossing them behind her. All of a sudden, another pair of hands joined Storm in her quest to free the younger mutant and she looked up to see Erik pulling at the rubble. After a few seconds, though it felt like years, a hand poked through and the pair helped pull (Y/N) out. She coughed violently, holding her throat tenderly, rubbing her eyes to rid them of the dust that had fallen into them upon impact. Erik gestured for Storm to leave and (Y/N) attempted to silently ger up, only to be pushed back down by Erik.

"What are you doing? I need to get back out there!" She stated weakly, though the ambition in her eyes was undeniable.

"I think you've done enough for one day," Erik barely finished his sentence before he was sent backwards bt an ice blast. (Y/n) stood up, jumping onto a neighbouring rooftop, looking back ar Erik.

"Good thing I don't need your permission," she remarked and sprinted off. 

Warren noticed her on the roof as he soared through the air, risking a glance between the plane full of mutants and the girl. He yelled out her name and the duo shared a gaze as she leapt off the edge of the building. There were few people she trusted with her life. For some reason, Warren was one of them. Similarly to a few days ago, Warren's arms worked their way around her waist, but instead of tugging her to the ground, they elevated her instead. The winged boy landed on the plane, still keeping a tight grip on (Y/N), using his razor-blade feathers to cut a hole. (Y/N) and Warren dropped through the hole, facing the X-Men. She caught the group, each of them latching onto a different part of Kurt. She could barely look at Charles when an odd sense of guilt began climbing through her but she tried shoving aside as Warren began advancing. She quickly followed behind, watching with panicked eyes as the group started to flicker. But just as Warren went to pounce on the group, Hank jerked the plane so its nose was directed to the ground. The horsemen were sent backwards and (Y/N) let out a pained scream as Warren's wings lacerated her right arm. With an almost impossible strength and swiftness, Warren spun himself and the girl around. Tears had filled her eyes as the cut in her arm began throbbing and Warren's face contorted to one of sadness. No. She knew that look. He couldn't. He wouldn't. But he did. His wing sliced through the wall beside her and she latched onto him before he could get to the other side of her.

"No. Don't you dare. Don't you fucking dare, Warren," Warren closed his eyes at her plea, resting his forehead on her own.

"I'm sorry," He whispered before he jolted her backwards and cut the other wall. Her body was sent flying through the air, terrified shrieks tearing from her throat. Two arms caught her before she got too close to the ground and she looked up to see Storm giving her a worried look. She placed her down but as she went to speak, a yell broke from (Y/n) as the plane made contact with the floor with a near-deafening crack.

"WARREN!" Her feet couldn't seem to carry her fast enough. X-men kept trying to hit her but she dodged their attempts. Warren was the only thing on her mind. The wreckage was being swallowed by flames, her arm was stinging and her head pounding. She had to get to him, Casting snow over the fire, she looked around frantically until she spied his sweetcorn- blonde locks. Desperately, she began shoving metal and rubble out of the way, finally reaching him. Cuts and bruises bloomed on his face and neck and she dreaded to think what wounds lingered beneath his clothes. Tears dribbled down her cheeks as she cupped his face. (Y/N) was almost too scared to check his pulse. She didn't want him to be...he wouldn't be. He'd be fine. He had to ber. The x-men watched in shock at the interaction. They'd almost forgotten that most of the group were still kids. Just like them. Erik eyed the pair. He knew there had been something going on between them. She was like a daughter to him. And he knew he had to help her. Slowly, he extended his hand, face twisting in concentration, focusing on the plane. Shakily, the remnants of the plane began rising, lifting from the trapped boy and Erik placed it down a few metres away, Reluctantly, (Y/N) put her fingers on his pulse point, almost releasing a sob of relief when she felt a pulse, as erratic as it was. One of her tinted blue hands ran through his hair, lips wobbling slightly. Hank couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. Erik had saved Warren's life purely because (Y/N) cared for him. He'd never seen that much sentimentality in Erik. It gave him hope. For both Erik and (Y/N).

But now, there was a rage bubbling inside her like never before. Apocalypse had tricked them. Offered protection for his army in their most vulnerable moments and nearly gotten Warren killed. He had to be stopped. For Warren. She stood up on trembling legs. Her body language screamed weak, especially considering the blood that leaked down her arm, playing an acrobat act on her fingertips before dropping the ground. But the fire in her eyes was bone-chilling. Wiping away the last of her tears, she looked over to where Apocalypse was stood. Raven's throat was gripped between his strong fingers. (Y/N) could see the fear on her face. On everyone's face. But she couldn't see Erik. Where could he have gone? She froze, hiding behind a wall.

"The great hero. You are feeble. Just like the others," (Y/N) saw Storm's face, shock plastered on it. She could faintly recall Storm telling her that Mystique was her idol. And she was being strangled right in front of her. She couldn't imagine what that was like. She didn't want to "CHARLES! Come rescue your weaklings! Give your life for theirs!" It was then that her eyes latched onto silver strands. Peter's leg was crooked at a weird angle and an expression of pain was painted onto his face. "CHARLES! Will you do nothing?!" There was a pregnant pause, suffocating everyone in suspense. (Y/N) had no idea where her father was. She could only pray that he was safe. Swiftly, she spared a glance at Warren almost as if she was trying to build up her confidence. She had to do this. For him. He had to be safe. And if Apocalypse won, he wouldn't be.  A loud thud pulled her eyes back to the group. Raven had been discarded on the floor, gasping for air, and Apocalypse had fallen to one knee. His eyes were squeezed shut and he kept wincing as if he was being abused by an imaginary force. Until he suddenly opened his eyes, a  dark glare flooding to his features. His hand rose above his head as he stood once more, the wall to one of the few buildings scattered around Cairo being resorted to dust. (Y/N)'s mouth fell open and a small gasp escaped her lips when she saw who had been revealed. All the x-men (minus Peter and Raven) were crowded around Charles. Menacingly, Apocalypse began advancing, a sly smirk crossing his lips and as (Y/N) moved to step out, a large chunk of metal landed directly in front of Apocalypse, then another, creating an X. Apocalypse turned, as did (Y/N), and scowled. She grinned in parallel. Erik hovered over them, stone-faced.

"You betrayed me," Apocalypse stated, a glare taking his eyes captive.

"No. I betrayed them," Erik's voice was sharp before thousands of pieces of metal came shooting at Apocalypse's form. Carefully, (Y/N) adjusted the arm of her outfit covering the wound on her arm. She had more important things to worry about. Hank and Scott leapt from the building, Hank racing to Raven and moving her out of the war zone. Scott yanked his glasses from his eyes, a red laser beam coming from his orbs. (Y/N) looked between them before outstretching her arms ice blasts repetitively being discharged from her hands. Everything was going...well. Too well. As soon as that thought swam into her brain, Hank attempted to pounce on Apocalypse, only to be deflected and knocked unconscious upon hitting the wall. Erik was struggling and almost stopped when (Y/N) was sent flipping through the air, landing on her arm. She cried out when her arm with the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks in pain. Only two noticed Jean stepping out onto thin air. A loud scream was released into the atmosphere followed by an almost blinding orange light. With squinted eyes, she looked up, gripping her arm tightly. Upon the scream, Hank jumped awake, quickly punching Scott out of the wall. A purple force field began surrounding Apocalypse as everyone except (Y/N), unleashing their powers.

"He's getting away!" Hank growled. He'd barely finished his sentence when a crash of lightning struck the force-field sending a deafening crack into the air. (Y/N) watched with clouded vision, a tiny smile coming to her face in relief as Apocalypse began flaking away, his eery words lingering in the breeze.

"All is revealed," With a quiet sigh, (Y/N) let her head fall back against the grainy floor, allowing the gathering of black dots control her sight. The last thing she heard was two desperate cries of her names.

Warren had never been so worried his entire life. He couldn't sleep, he could barely eat. Charles had practically forced him to leave the infirmary. He was an outcast. He wished he could say he wasn't used to it. When she was there, he felt wanted and needed.  But she was still unconscious a week after the battle. Charles had almost been sick when Erik had come to him with (Y/n), a deep gash implanted into her arm. And when she had woken up, he wanted to be the first one to see her. Unfortunately, she didn't want the same thing. Warren had given her the biggest smile she'd ever seen and, despite being high, on what felt like, nine different types of painkillers, (Y/N) smiled right back before, pulling him into a deep kiss. This time, Warren didn't push away. Though her father was ecstatic that they were happy, another part of him wanted to cry. Since she got to school, she'd avoided him like the plague. If he taught any of her classes, she took off the second he dismissed his students. She refused to accept the telepathic training he'd offered and never came to his office when asked to do so. After a lot of hesitation from the others, she soon made friends with Kurt and Peter but even then, she stayed with Warren. Hank had tried his best to talk to the girl, but only ever got curt responses. Warren and (Y/N) had been given a room together and it was filled with happy memories, despite her attitude outside of it. She'd never loved anyone the way she loved Warren and he could safely say the same.

"Warren, are you listening to me?" Charles asked, alerting the attention of his love-struck angel. Warren's eyes snapped back to the professor, a small smile still glued to his lips. (Y/N) had come outside with Kurt and the pair had sat together on the grass, sipping tea that Kurt had brought out with him. No words were exchanged between the two, just silence as their eyes both skimmed over their books. She looked so peaceful and content. Recently, she'd been beyond stressed because of Warren regrowing his old wings. She cleaned his wings every night and massaged his back when it got sore. Never did she complain. Never had he been touched so tenderly by another person since he was a child. it almost made his heartache for how much love she had to give. But when his eyes fell to her arm, a shiver ran down his spine. He did that. He hurt you. The guilt he felt seemed to triple every time his eyes grazed over the scar. However, he had his old wings back. Soft and fluffy and so much safer for her.

"Sorry professor, I got distracted," His head turned back to (Y/n), a grin forming. Charles sighed, heart, stinging, but forced a smile on.

"Go to her. We'll continue this another day," Not even a second after he'd finished, Warren had already flown halfway across the garden to (Y/N) and Kurt's picnic blanket, nearly knocking over the teapot. Kurt let out a playful grown that earned a laugh from Warren before he pecked her lips, beaming into the kiss. Charles watched with a heavy heart, only to freeze when your eyes locked with his. He gave her a small wave accompanied by a sad-smile, only to be disheartened further when she looked away. Warren's arm wrapped around her shoulder as Kurt babbled away.

"Everything alright, frosty?" He mumbled, eyes scanning her face from any discrepancies.

"I'm fine," She quickly turned back to Kurt, distracting herself with his excited explanation of a movie Scott took him to see.

"Professor?" A young voice called. Charles turned his head to glance to his doorway. Alexander stood there, red locks glittering in the light of Charles' fire, blue eyes shining in fear. The clock on the professor's desk read long past midnight. He shouldn't be awake, let alone other students.

"Alexander? It's late, what are you doing awake?" Charles placed his pen down, wheeling over to the eight-year-old.

"They're arguing again. And it's really cold," He had barely noticed that Alexander was shivering. No one had to who 'they' were. The past three nights, Warren and (Y/N) had been arguing, waking up other students with their yelling or (Y/N)'s lack of control over her mutations. However, in the past three days, Hank had dealt with it but Hank had gone to another country to collect a student. So it was time for Charles to face the music. With a miniscule shake of his head, Charles lead the boy back to his room, directing other students who'd left their room back into them. Kurt suddenly appeared in front of Charles.

"It's getting worse. I think that it's serious this time," Kurt said, concern filling his heavily-accented voice, his hair ruffled and eyes still crusted over with sleep.

"Alright, Kurt. Don't worry. I'll sort it out. Go back to bed, please," Charles reassured the mutants and Kurt gave him an awkward but grateful smile before disappearing once more. When Charles reached the door to (Y/N) and Warren's room, he could hear their conversation clearly through the door, shooing students who continuously exited their rooms.

"Babe, we both need fucking help! You can't keep being so selfish!" Warren boomed, his wings folding behind him as he circled the room anxiously.

"I never said you couldn't talk to him! I just don't want to myself!" She snapped back, a hand running through her hair. She was sick of having the same quarrel over and over again.

"Why not? He's your father! You said you were close!" Charles felt his heart stop. They were arguing about him. because of him.

"Yeah! We were! But how could I face him after what I did?" Her voice lowered, so Charles could only hear the beginning of her statement. A few more words were murmured behind the door before Charles turned the handle, both pairs of eyes snapping to him like deers caught in headlights.

"(Y/N), my office. Now. It's not a request this time, either," Charles commanded, though his voice was soft and kind. He made his way back to his office, waiting for his daughter. He daren't read her thoughts. He couldn't invade her privacy like that. After a few minutes, the quiet creak of his office door made Charles look up from the papers before him, watching (Y/N) sheepishly making her way into the room. Her eyes were fixated on her fingers, eyeing how small fragments of frost danced around them. From the moment she stepped in, a chill filtered into the air, making Charles pull his blazer closer to his body.

"(Y/N), you are aware of what you've done, aren't you?" His voice remained soft and gentle. A part of (Y/n) wished that she could open up to him. Be like they used to be.

"Of course I am. Just don't understand why Warren isn't here too. I wasn't the only one," She grumbled, picking at the old worn chair she sat in. That chair used to be in the living room when she was a little girl. Bought back fond memories that she'd rather not think about.

"Because I've needed to talk to you for a while but you've never come to my office," Charles responded pointedly, raising his eyebrows. (Y/N) looked to the burning fire to distract herself.

"I'm only here now because Warren made me," Charles remained silent for a moment, looking at the picture on his desk. It was an old picture, taken when (Y/n) was only three, of her in his lap. He was tickling her as she tried to read a book, her mouth open in laughter and a huge smile on his face. His girl. Sat right in front of him. And yet, it felt like he was talking to a stranger.

"You should know better than to disrupt other students so late at night. It's not fair to them. I know it's not the first time it's happened this week as well," He continued, folding his hands on the desk, gaze intense.

"Alright, I'm sorry. Can I go now?" She huffed, crossing her legs.

"Not just yet. Why won't you talk to me?" Charles sighed. He couldn't keep hiding from this. And he wouldn't let her either. Not anymore.

"I am talking to you," Charles scoffed, shaking his head.

"No, you're not. You're only giving me responses," (Y/N) looked beyond uncomfortable, shifting in her seat awkwardly.

"You really want to know why I'm not talking to you?" She looked up briefly, fire and fear in her eyes. Charles leant forwards, kindness glistening in his eyes. He was getting to her, slowly.

"Of course, I do," There was a pause, tension filling the space between them.

"Because I'm a disappointment. To you. I turned my back on the one person I loved more than life itself. If Warren wasn't here, I'd have probably killed myself by now," She didn't dare look at him. She couldn't. Charles features softened at her confession.

"(Y/N),  I-I could never be disappointed in you. You're my daughter. My little girl. no matter what you do, I'd never be disappointed. I was scared that I was going to lose you," The professor reached over and took her hand, sadness flooding into his blue orbs "Why won't you talk to me?"

"I won't let myself. I don't deserve your love and affection," A small crack in her voice seemed to tear his heart from his chest. How could she think that?

"What about Warren?" Charles inquired, though nothing in his voice was demanding, hurt or judgemental.

"Neither of us believes we deserve each other, so being together reassures us both. We're both a little broke," (Y/N) attempted to joke but it only made her sound more troubled by the second.

"You don't have to be. I want to be here for you (Y/N). If you'll let me," She pulled away. No. She was closing off again.

"I can't let you, I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm a monster. I betrayed you. I joined Apocalypse and when you tried to reach out for me, I turned a blind eye," The room continued to grow colder with every moment that passed.

"You were lost and hurt. You did what anyone would've. You found a way to survive," He shot back, watching as the fire was extinguished due to the icy conditions.

"I could've found another way. You always told me that there's always another way," (Y/N) hissed, yanking her hands from him, fearful that the frost of her hands would hurt him. How hadn't she thought of that? She knew her dad would never admit if she was hurting him. She could've been hurting him this whole time and he'd never say a word. How could she be so stupid to let him hold her hand?

"And I've learnt in my time that that's not always true. Even so, sometimes it feels like we have no other option, especially if our minds are clouded. If we judged people by their darkest hour, we'd all be monsters. I mean, you've seen me in mine,"

'Who the fuck allowed him to be that wise at his age?' She thought before averting her eyes to the door. "But I hurt you."

"And I forgive you. Please, come over here," Charles signalled for her to come closer. With a truckload of reluctance, she slowly tiptoed around his desk, balancing on her knees so she wasn't towering over him, elbows placed on his legs. He rested a hand on her face, thumb running over her cold cheek. That's when the walls cracked and the dam burst. Salty tears made their way down her cheeks, her lip trembling. A  sob cracked from her throat as more tears streamed down, dripping from her nose an chin. Charles carefully wiped them away, resisting a sad smile when she leant into his touch. After a moment, and a lot of internal debating, (Y/N) clumsily clambered into his lap, wrapping her arms around him, face buried in his neck.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," She couldn't form any other words and Charles reciprocated the hug, running a hand through her hair to calm her. Like he used to when she was just a young child. He pressed a kiss to her temple.

"It's alright. You're safe now. I'll never ket anyone hurt you ever again.”

Those words alone made her know everything would be okay. Maybe not now. maybe not tomorrow. But eventually, everything would be as it should be.

 Tags: @writingfortoomanyfandoms @metaphorical-love-for-a-car@queens-n-roses @freaky-dcaky @yourealegendfred@fierce-bab@dusthas-beenbitten   @bensroger @strangeandwonderfulconcepts @babebenhardy@benhardyjones @silvver-rose  

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #229

“goddamn, need some help, ‘cuz my girlfriend’s in love with someone else.”

What would you consider to be the worst television channel out there? Idk. I don't watch TV. Are you currently sitting on your bed or some other place? Where? I'm lying in my bed. Have you ever had anyone drop off animals at your house? What kind? No. When was the last time you were somewhere that offered free Wi-Fi? Today/technically yesterday but w/e. My school offers it free, but the connection isn't strong. Do you know anyone who is on drugs? Are you personally on them? I mean, I know people with prescriptions of course. If you mean illicit drugs, yes. I don't take them. Name one interesting fact about yourself that people might not know about? Uhhhh I used to be a dancer. Do you ever have to write down a phone number to remember it, or not? Oh yeah, I don't even have my own phone number memorized. Who was the last person you talked to on an instant messaging service? Hm. Oh, Facebook says the friend of my sister whose wedding I shot. I did it like, two or three or so years ago and she wanted to know if I had the raw photos I took, and I'd literally JUST cleaned out my OneDrive a couple days ago, so they were deleted. Talk about bad timing. What color are your curtains? Are you satisfied with this color? Maroon. Yeah. Does your phone have texting? How many times a day do you text, estimate? Yeah, and I don't have a clue. Sara and I generally text all throughout the day. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Uhhh over a year ago or something. Was the only time. It was just a bumblebee. Do you know anyone personally who had their house burn down before? Yes. Do you think the media can further manipulate our teenagers anymore? Ohhhh, I'm sure it could get even worse. Who would you consider to be your favorite American Idol on the show? I've watched so little of that show. Do you know anyone who has their septum pierced? Does it look painful? I know two, off the top of my head. And I mean, a piercing is a needle shoved into your skin. It's obviously painful to a degree. I'd imagine the septum to be more painful than a lot considering the thick cartilage. Has anyone ever complimented you on your singing? Did you believe them? Yeah, and I dunno. I don't generally like my singing voice, but I think I sing some songs okay. Do you know someone who constantly tries to embarrass you on all occasions? Omg no, I could never handle someone like that with how poorly I handle embarrassment. Has anyone ever kissed you in the rain? Did it seem romantic at the time? Yeah, and I guess, only really because it's an "accepted" thing as romantic. Something you're taught young. What is one part on your body that hurts at this moment, if anything? Nothing, at the moment. What was the last song you listened to? Did you enjoy this song? This metal medley I adore of Shadow of the Colossus pieces is on rn. What is your heritage? Do you have a bunch of mixed heritages? German, Irish, and Polish. When was the last time you listened to a genre of you music you despise? I didn't really *listen* to it, but some ass was blaring his rap music in FYS today. Have you ever tried the cinnamon challenge? NO, do NOT. That shit is noooot a joke. People have died. Do you ever countdown to anything? Not really, at least not seriously. Who was the last person to visit your house besides family? A friend of mine and Mom's, Randy. My rat Mitsu apparently fell or something, and her teeth were knocked crooked, and they became grossly overgrown and had to be clipped. He works at a wildlife rehab clinic and is overall just real experienced with animals. It was so awful though, seeing her like that. He's coming over about once a month now to keep them clipped; he's quite sure she has... damn, what was it? Metabolic bone disease (very common in rats), I think, that will push her teeth to keep growing. I can't remember exactly what he said, but. Are you allowed to watch rated R movies? I'm... nearing 24, lmao. How many bedrooms are in your house? Two. Do you see more of your mom or dad’s side of the family more? Mom's. I see both very rarely since they live states away, but yeah, Mom's. I haven't seen anyone in Dad's fam since I was a little kid. Are there any tattoos that you really want to get? lol got a few hours to talk? Do you really believe that everyone has a soul mate? Definitely not. You are compatible with sooooo many people. Do alligators scare you? I mean I wouldn't walk in front of one or anything, but as animals themselves, no. I think they're cool as fuck. Dinosaurs, man. Do you have abs? *ugly wheezing laughter* Have you ever been in detention? Twice I think, but only for too many tardies arriving at school. Do you believe in vampires? Uh no. Can you play the guitar? Not anymore. Have you ever kissed someone while they were dating someone else? Wow, no. Do you like hot dogs? Sadly. Are glasses a turn on or turn off for you? I don't care. Do you have a hot tub? Darling we poor. Would you ever try one of those dating websites? I like to pretend that one time NEVER fucking happened. I very much doubt I would again. Do you like to be tickled? Ew no don't. When’s the last time you flew a kite? Not since I was little. Do you ever take a bath and eat food at the same time? ... Does anyone do that?? Do you hate long surveys? No, I prefer them. I just do them over time. Gives me something to do... and I also don't spam where I share them. Do you like the taste of blood? UM no. Has anyone ever given you flowers? Yeah. When was the last time you swam in a lake? Wowie, I couldn't possibly guess. Who was the first friend you made in Junior High? That's a good question. Maybe Hannia? If you could learn any language, what would it be? GERMAN. I wanna be fluent. When was the last time someone asked you your age? Uhhh idk. Have you ever been on a train? No. Has anyone ever tried to physically fight you? No, but one girl literally told me she almost punched me. I used to hate her more than anyone in the world because she's Jason's ex and really hurt him, and yet now we're friends, lmao. Oh, how things can change. When was the last time you were angry? Last night because my headache wouldn't fuck off. What’s your worst subject in school? Math. I'm failing like, badly. What’s your favorite genre of music? Metal. Have you ever been called too skinny? OH MOST DEFINITELY NOT. Do you prefer analog or digital clocks? Analog clocks are way more aesthetically pleasing, but digital are more convenient. Do you have any stickers decorating your computer? Bruh I have tape, get on my fckng level. Tell me about the last nightmare you remember having. It was about seeing my grandma, who's really beginning to suffer from her chemo. What snacks do you usually get at the cinemas? Popcorn and a drink, then rarely a candy. Usually Sour Patch Kids. What scent is the deodorant you use? That's. A good question. I haven't payed attention. What did you last receive in the mail? The book Sara sent me. What is your favorite kind of fruit? Strawberries. How far away do you live from your place of birth? Like... 10-ish minutes? Have you ever been in a police car? Only when being transferred from the ER to psyche hospitals. How do you mark through your word search puzzles? I draw a line through them. Or circle them. Depends on the font and size, really. Have you ever sewn something? Idk how to sew. Name a CD you have or one you would like to have. Ha ha, the very first CD I personally bought was the "You're Awful, I Love You" album by Ludo. When I knew like, only three songs, ahaha. Have you ever watched an episode of Barney? I loved him as a kid, so, y'know. Can you name more than five U.S. presidents? Yeah, but I definitely don't know a lot. Are any of your neighbors’ yards in desperate need of a grass cutting? No. Do you still have your tonsils? Yessir. What does your mother’s wallet look like? What about your dad’s? Idk. I don't pay attention to Mom's and I very rarely see Dad. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My mom and one of my school advisors. And people who walked into the library. Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again? He may still want to be, idk. It doesn't matter though. Does your ex hate you? The only ex I have that I think might is Jason. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you can talk to? Girt. Does anyone call you babe? Sara sometimes. Is your school’s mascot an animal? Yes. All my schools' were, lol. What would happen if you were stuck in an elevator with the person you’ve fallen the hardest for? I don't want to imagine it. Do you think that hair extensions and colored contacts make a person fake? Oh my god. Where do your hands go during kissing? I mean that. Depends. Generally just around a person's sides. Conservative or liberal? I'm such a mix. Do you have unlimited texting? Ye. Were you ever in the spelling bee? Never been a part of one. Do you dress suggestively? No. A very explicit song you’ve listened to recently? Ahaha, "Love Rhymes With Fuck You" by Jeffree Star is on right now and it is. Intense. When did you last see someone you know in public? Errrrr good question. Do you think you’d survive if zombies took over the world? Hell no. If you were to write a novel, what would it be about? The meerkat RP I've done since I was 10. My friends and I have made novels upon novels worth of stories. Are you currently pretending to be someone’s friend? No. Are you an impatient person? YEP!!!!!!!!! Are you afraid to watch movies that have sex scenes with your friends? Friends, no. It's awkward with family, though. Who sings the last song you listened to? Jeffree Star. Have you ever had a serious issue involving your eyes? No, other than being a blind mfkr. Have you ever watched South Park? Who’s your favorite character? Yes. Don't have one as I don't really care for it. Do you have sensitive teeth? Yes. Does it bother you to get shots in the mouth? Does it hurt? Nah. And I mean at the dentist they numb you, so not really. When did you last talk seriously with one of your parents? I have no clue. Does anyone ever say they miss you often? Sara. I mean we talk all the time, but she means like, physically being there. Would you rather become a wizard or a vampire, if you had the choice? Idk. I like vampires more, but a wizard sounds funner. Have you already moved out of your parents’ house? I've talked about the apartment situation enough. Are your parents divorced, married or separated? Divorced. Have you ever thought you might just have obsessive compulsive disorder? I'm diagnosed with it. Do you think it’s rude to text someone else while on a date? YEAH. What is the funniest movie you’ve ever seen? White Chicks never fails to get me. Has one of your websites ever quit operating or shut down? Were you sad? Recently the site I used to upload large .gifs I needed to use online shut down & I'm still mega tilted. There's probably others. Who is the person you talk to the most in your house? I only live with my mom. Is there a television show out there that you never miss? No. What movie have you seen too many times to be healthy? Ha ha, The Lion King I & 2 and Finding Nemo. What is your biggest responsibility in your household? Take care of my pets. How cold did it get where you live, last winter? Idr. Very, for NC anyway. Do you ever wonder what your exes are doing? I only ever wonder about Jason. Have you ever been caught in a huge lie with your parents? Never told a biggie lie to 'em. Ever ride in a limo? When did you last do so? No. Are you sober at the time being? Yeah. Have you ever lied to someone & said they could sing when they couldn’t? Possibly? Are you more tolerant of hot or cold weather? Describe a time when you were extremely cold? Describe a time when you were extremely over-heated? I handle the cold far, FAR better. I physically cannot last very long in like, even 80 degrees. The coldest I've probably ever been was when Sara and I were walking once up at her house and it was really windy. I think the absolute most over-heated I've been was when I was taking bridal shots of my sister's friend outside in the summer for a long long time. I was nearly to the point of tears and was absolutely soaked in sweat. When we got back in the car, I literally finished at least three water bottles in a very short period of time. I think I even downed half of another. What was something weird that you did as a child? Did anyone make fun of you for it? Were there any other children you knew who did the same thing? I actually created this trend in elementary school of digging tunnels in the sandbox with my hands because I wanted to feel like a meerkat, lol. No one made fun of me, I think? And as stated it kinda became a thing, so yeah, there were others. What has been the hardest thing about growing up? What was the easiest thing about it? Was there ever a time when you wanted to stay young forever? Was there ever a time when you wished that you could be older? Accepting my mental illnesses was by far the hardest. Easiest, uh... idk. Enjoying more freedom? There was definitely a time I wanted to be a kid forever; I remember I criiiied when I got my period for the first time because I didn't feel like one anymore. Simultaneously, there were certainly times I wanted to be older. Who was the last person you yelled at? Do you often yell at this person? Are you on good terms with them again, or are you still upset with them? I practically roared at Mom for pulling the rudest shit on me like a month or so back. I definitely don't yell at her a lot. We're on good terms now, yeah. If you work, do you get along with your coworkers? Which one of them have you known the longest? Is your current place of work somewhere that you plan to stay for a long time? Sadly no, so these questions are N/A. Name three items that have much sentimental value to you. Who gave you these items, and for what occasion? Do you ever have a harder time throwing away things that people have given you? My pebble from Holly Hill, my childhood plush moose Brownie that I got in Ohio, and the stuffed meerkat Jason gave me. It's not really because of it being from him, but rather because it comforted me deeply after the break-up. The little guy is so worn from all the love I gave it. I do have a hard time getting rid of things people give me. Who do you speak with more often: your online friends, or those that you see face-to-face? Of which type of friend do you have more? Which of those friendships do you value the most? Online to all three questions. Are you often misunderstood, or do you think that people can get where you are coming from pretty well? Do you think that you have a good ability to understand others? If yes, explain? Eh, idk, really. I feel like I don't communicate how I feel well enough, but I think people understand me decently. Most, anyway. I know I'm pretty good and relating to people. When was the last time that you had a headache? What did you do, if anything, to help it feel better? Which is worse for you: headaches or stomach aches? As previously mentioned, last night. I took medicine, but it was sleep that actually helped. AND I CANNOT DEAL WITH STOMACH ACHES. Gimme a headache over that shit any day. Have you ever had a crush on someone you met online? If yes, what happened between you and that person? Do you think that online relationships are legitimate relationships? Yes, and we're dating now lol. And of course I do!! Out of all of your past friendships and romantic relationships, which one was the worst? If that person were to show up at your place, would you be willing to talk to them? Friendship: Colleen. No, I wouldn't talk to her. Romantic: Tyler, but I mean sure, I'd talk to him. Well, Jason was the traumatic one, but the *relationship*, on my end, was a fairytale. It was the breakup that was... yeah, y'all know. Yeah, I'd be willing to talk to him, but quite honestly I'd probably end up collapsing into a sobbing heap because yeah PTSD. If any, how many friends have you made in the past year? How many have you lost? Is making friends something at which you are good, or does it take you awhile to form friendships? I've made a couple friends online, and I lost none, I think anyway. I can be someone's friend very easily, but it's the trust that really takes a while. If you are 18 or older, did reaching your 18th birthday make you feel like you were an adult? If not, what moment (or moments) made you feel like you were finally maturing? I don't remember, honestly. As a kid, did your parents force you to eat everything on your plate? If you had them, how did you feel about family meal times? If you were to have children, would you have structured meals with them? Well, Mom tried, but my picky ass usually won, lol. Some days I miss family dinners, other days I'm glad to do my own thing. If I were to have kids, I'd probably want to have family dinners, really. What was the last new thing that you tried? What is something you did a long time ago that you might like to do again? I don't know. I don't try new things often. From my past... I dunno. It's too late to think of all this stuff. What is your least favorite part about going to the doctor? What about going to the dentist? Which of those people would you rather see? THE GODDAMN WAIT. My dentist is usually pretty quick, so that's not typically a problem there. Instead, I fucking hate when I have to get x-rays done because I have a very small mouth, and the things they stick in your cheeks to bite down on are always way too big for me. I have to use a size down from adults. Do you ever take care of anyone younger than you (ie. babysitting, watching a younger sibling, etc)? Do you like doing this, or does it get to be a hassle? No, and hell no.

[stopforamoment]

Part Four: Dreckskerl (Series 18, Part 4 of 9)

Series Eighteen: The Conference, Day One (9 Parts) Part Four: Dreckskerl (Series 18, Part 4 of 9) My masterlist is at the end of my bio.

Book: The Royal Romance (After Book Three) Pairing: Bastien Lykel x OC Rinda Parks Word Count: 1,042 Rating: M for Language Author’s Note: Obligatory disclaimer that Pixelberry Studios owns the TRR characters and my pocketbook with those darn diamond scenes. OFC with all of her quirks is all mine. My apologies if Tumblr or I do something stupid when I try to post this. The keep reading link shows up on my laptop but not my phone. Ugh. Thank you @asherella-is-a-dork-3 for always being my sounding board! Thank you @cora-nova @silviasutton1989 @bobasheebaby​ @riseandshinelittleblossom​ for being my thirsty Bastien friends and for still being a part of the journey! Series Summary: This focuses on day one of the conference and Rinda’s interactions as a professional, friend, and girlfriend.

Chapter Summary: Rinda presents at the conference and later her temper gets the best of her when she’s disrespected by male colleagues. Author’s note—I don’t speak French so I used Google Translate. If there are glaring errors, please let me know and thank you!

Dreckskerl

Bastien stayed for part of Rinda’s panel presentation before attending a presentation geared for security personnel. When the moderator introduced the panel members, each person was introduced with their academic titles and positions, except for one person. Bastien saw Rinda’s brows furrow and watched how she scribbled something on a piece of paper and slid it over to the man. When the paper slid back she widened her eyes and shook her head in disbelief. The moderator was about to begin the discussions when Rinda politely interrupted. “Excuse me, but one of my colleagues needs further introductions. Kyrie Tagmatarcha Callas Mr. Major Callas served in the Greek military for over 20 years. We are very fortunate that he is here today to share his expertise and perspective with us.” She turned to Major Callas. “Thank you, sir. And thank you for your service.” Bastien gave an appreciative nod as Rinda turned her head and calmly held eye contact with the shocked moderator until he averted his gaze. His Tria was a team player, and no one disrespected another member of her team. Rinda’s presentation went well and she began making new friends (she hated the term “networking”), but she stayed in groups with other teachers and administrators. It wasn’t until the lunch break that she had a chance to even see any of the security staff who were also attending the conference. She searched for Bastien and Drake in the room and she was able to make eye contact with Bastien. He seemed to be having a good time, talking with Drake and another security officer. But still. The dynamic in the room wasn’t good. Rinda was wearing a suit because she presented, but she planned on wearing professional clothes the second day also, like many of the other teachers and administrative staff. There were some security officers who were wearing a suit, but some panels included self-defense drills, so most were wearing the appropriate clothing. Even if Rinda wanted to participate in one of their sessions, she wasn’t dressed for it. Throughout lunch the security staff stayed in their own groups and the teachers stayed in their own groups. It made sense because people often continued their conversations from the panels they attended, but the divide between them was clear. Rinda grabbed her brains and began jotting notes in the book for ways to fix this as she continued to help with Cordonia’s security program—and host Cordonia’s own conference. Then she whispered something to Nadia, and the ladies grabbed their plates and drinks and went over to a table with empty seats to introduce themselves to some of the security officers. Unfortunately the goodwill gesture didn’t go as planned. One of the men assumed the ladies weren’t interested in having a professional conversation during lunch, and his friends quickly lowered themselves to his level. Rinda stood up in fury and addressed the ringleader. “Μη γίνεσαι μαλάκας”  Don’t be an asshole. “We were just trying to break up the obvious divide between the teachers and security officers, not come on to you.” At the same time Nadia was rolling her eyes in disgust. “Putain de bordel de merde! C’est vraiment un trou de cul, celui-là!” Jesus Fucking Christ. That guy’s a real asshole.

Rinda raised her voice and spoke to Nadia, although she held her gaze with the men, her words obviously directed at them. “Ah, ma cocotte. Ce n'est pas de ta faute. Vous devez avoir vos règles. Hey honey. It's not your fault. You must have your period.

She turned to Nadia. “Je suis tellement ennuyé avec ça. Allons-y.” I’m so fucking bored with this shit. Let’s go.

Rinda threw in a scathing German phrase for good measure. “Was für Dreckskerl.” What a filthy pig. What a bastard.

Slowly the lunch room grew quiet as people realized an altercation was taking place. Bastien and Drake stood up to walk over to Rinda, but Tagmatarcha Callas was closer. “Ladies, may I be of assistance?” He drew back in surprise when he saw the golden topaz fury in Rinda’s eyes, but she gave him a genuine smile. “No Tagmatarcha Callas, but thank you for offering. My friend and I meant to get more of the security officers and teachers to interact, instead of sitting on opposite sides of the room, but it didn’t go as well as we planned.” She rolled her eyes and shrugged before turning to Nadia. “I think we should just sit back on our side of the room before I make things worse.”

Callas looked around the room as they walked away. Rinda was right. There was an obvious divide and based on his interaction with her during the panel presentation, he knew she had a genuine interest in bridging that divide. “Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.” It was the voice he used in the field when he needed to issue commands or rally his troops. “I would like to invite any teachers to join me and my friends at my table so we can share ideas about security issues in our schools.” Rinda and Nadia were almost to their table when they turned around in surprise. They nodded at each other and walked back to Callas. Rinda looked over at Bastien and Drake, a plea in her eyes, and Bastien smiled as he stood up.

“Would anyone on the other side of the room like to switch seats with me so we can meet more people and exchange ideas?” Rinda gave Bastien a grateful smile. She knew he hated initiating introductions and making small talk, so she knew how much this gesture meant.

She purposely stepped over to Bastien and Drake as they crossed the room. “Thank you, Drake” she whispered.

“Heh, it’s okay.”

“And thank you, Tiger.”

Their hands were full as they carried their plates and drinks, but Bastien leaned over to kiss the top of her head. “You’re welcome, Tria.” He snickered. “You told me that you learned conversational French from Grandma Lorinda. Did she teach you all of that?” Rinda grinned and shook her head as she continued to walk toward Callas’ table with Nadia.

Slowly some of the people in the room switched seats, and Rinda smiled at Nadia and Callas. It was a start.

[lovemesomesurveys]

What’s your name? Stephanie.

What time is it right now? 11:01PM.

When were you born? 430 PM.

Who are you closest to in your family? My mom, younger brother, and my doggo.

What is the closest green item to you? The straw I’m using. 

Would you rather text people or talk to them on the phone? Text. I am sooo not a talk-on-the-phone kind of person.

What program on your computer do you use the most? Firefox.

Do you have a cat? No.

What is your middle name backwards? Nah.

How often do you visit this website? I keep Tumblr on tab, ha.

Are you a good speller? I believe so.

Are you good at baking cupcakes? I don’t bake ‘em from scratch or anything, but I make some good cupcakes outta the box, ha. Good enough for me.

Do you currently have a job? No.

What year did you/will you graduate in? I graduated college in 2015.

Do you have your drivers liscence? No, just an ID. I don’t drive.

Does it take you long to fall asleep at night? Gotta love insomnia. I’m up until like 5AM every night. :/

Do you think other people consider you a flirt? No.

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Well for one I don’t “get ready” unless I’m going somewhere, which isn’t that often. If I actually put some effort in and do my makeup, then it can take an hour. On days where I’m just going to the doctor, it takes like 10 minutes.

Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? No. Not unless I had an issue that was affecting me in some way. Like if something happened to my nose and it was crooked and/or I couldn’t breathe well. Something like that.

Do you smoke pot? No. It’s been years since the last time.

Who is your hero in life? My mom.

What is your favorite breed of dog? Labs and German Shepherds. (:

Where is your favorite place to go out to eat? I don’t like going out to eat anymore to be honest, I’m much more of a takeout kind of gal where I can just enjoy my food at home.

How long have you known your best friend? My whole life, almost 30 years.

What are your thoughts on abortion?

When do you think the world is going to end? No one knows exactly when it will happen.

Do you think there are aliens out there? I don’t think so. There’s living organisms of some kind out there, but not aliens in the way that’s often portrayed.

Do you believe in God? Yes.

Are you still a virgin? I am.

Are you comfortable with our current goverment? Going on a month now of a government shutdown.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? A lot of things, but if I could only choose one I’d have to go with improving my health.

Are you a fan of anime? No.

What kind of cell phone do you have? iPhone XR.

What color do you want your next car to be?

Can you type without looking at the keys? Yep. I’ve been typing and using a computer since I was like 9 years old. I’m almost 30, so you have to remember that for me that was back in the late 90s. Nowadays kids have been using computers and cell phones since they were like 2 years old.

How much money do you have on you right now? I’m broke.

Do you smoke? No.

How tall are you? About 5′4.

What is your favorite Christmas movie? I have many. I love Christmas movies.

Do you celebrate your pet’s birthdays? Yep. My doggo turns 2 years old next month.

Would you consider yourself selfish? I think everyone can be to an extent, which isn’t always a bad thing. Some people are extremely selfish and that’s where it becomes a problem. As for me. I feel like I’ve been more selfish that I’d like to be these past few years. My health, especially my mental health, has really made me someone I don’t like. Not an excuse, I’m just keeping it real.

What kind of mood are you in right now? A sick mood. My immune system has really been tested and working hard for like a month now cause I’ve been in the same household with 2 people who were really sick. My mom just found out she has bronchitis. I feel like I’m losing the battle now, though. D:

Name your favorite song from the 80’s. I have a lot of those, actually.

Are you a fan of Spongebob Squarepants? Eh. I wouldn’t say I’m a fan, but I watched it sometimes when my younger brother did when he was a kid. He and one of my cousins were obsessed with it. I became familiar enough with the old episodes and appreciated some of the jokes and such, but I couldn’t even tell you the last time I’ve seen an episode.

Do you like fruits or vegetables more? Fruits.

How much time a week do you spend watching TV? I mean, my TV is usually on most of the time but as for how much I’m actually watching... it really varies day to day and what’s on. I admit it serves as background noise a lot.

Do you play any sports? Nope.

Who was your last text message from? My brother.

Do you like Taylor Swift? No.

Do you enjoy going grocery shopping? Yeah, I go with my mom to do our big grocery shopping trips at Walmart.

Do you like skim milk? I use soy or almond milk if I need it for something.

Name two people in your life that mean the most to you. I have 4 people who mean the most to me.

Do you like short surveys or long ones better? Long ones. At least 20-25 questions.

Are you a Facebook addict? Nah. I go on there and scroll down the news feed for a few minutes a couple times or so a day.

Have you ever appeared on television? When I was a baby after the accident.

Do you like to read? Love it. I just wish I read more often.

What is your favorite kind of cookie? Sugar or shortbread.

Do you have any kids of your own? Nooo.

What was your first job? Never had one.

Do material things matter to you? I can’t say that I don’t enjoy things like my laptop and phone, but they’re not the most important things in life.

Where is your favorite city? I have a few that I’ve been to in California that I love.

What was your last dream about? I don’t remember.

Are you currently going to college? Nope, I graduated in 2015.

What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? I don’t have one.

Do you shop at Wal-Mart? Yep.

Do you usually have good luck? I don’t believe in luck, but if I did I wouldn’t say that I have it.

Do you get bored easily? Some days I’m just especially bored with everything and the things I like to do everyday just aren’t cutting it and the day seems to just draaaaaaaag on.

What annoys you the most about other people? Closed-mindedness is one thing.

Are you currently in a relationship? No.

Have you ever been drunk before? Yeah, a few too many times.

Are you afraid of flying? Yes. I get the itch to travel somewhere by plane sometimes, though. I’ve flown a total of 2 times in my life, but that was over 10 years ago now.

Have you ever been bitten by an animal (not an insect)? No.

Have you ever been in a physical fight? Nope.

Are you good at drawing? No. I think I color pretty good, though. Ha.

How many text messages do you think you send in one month? I don’t know, but not a lot at all.

Have you ever had a stalker? Not to my knowledge.

What grosses you out the most? I’m pretty squeamish.

How much sleep do you get every night? I actually get like 8 hours usually, but it never, ever feels like enough. I don’t wake up feeling rested.

When’s the last time you threw up? Early last year.

What is your idea of the perfect date? I’m not hard to please, honestly.

Are you more of a morning or night person? I guess a night person.

Can you speak more than one language? Very little Spanish. I’m especially rusty now; though, than I used to be.

Do you own anything from Hollister? Not anymore, but I used to have some shirts and hoodies.

Are you immature for your age? I can be.

Are you afraid of spiders? EXTREMELY.

Are you tired right now? Yes. Always.

What was the last thing you ate? Chicken strips and fries.

What is your favorite flavor of milkshake? Banana or strawberry.

Have you ever seen the movie Rent? No. I know that one popular song from it, though about time and such.

Who is your favorite celebrity? Alexander Skarsgard.

What’s the highest number you’ve counted to out loud? I don’t know.

What is your favorite video game? Mario Bros will always be a favorite.

Do you wear contacts or glasses? Glasses.

Are you looking forward to summer this year? Ew, noooo. I’m no rush at all.

Do you have trouble letting go of the past? Yes. :/ I dwell there too much.

Do you like your hair better straight or curly? Straight.

Do you wish you would grow taller? Just a bit taller would be helpful.

Do your parents make you do chores? No. I mean, we’re 4 adults living here so we contribute in some way and clean up after ourselves, but it’s not “chores.”

Have you ever been to the circus? Yes, when I was a kid. Never again.

What’s the longest word you know? I know the name for the fear of long words is super long. I couldn’t tell you what it is, though.

Do you use teeth whitener? No.

Do you keep your room neat and clean? I try, but it’s a bit cluttery now than I’d like.

Can you count to ten in French? Nope.

Have you ever kissed anyone named Bob? No.

Do you have a little sister? No.

Do you speak with an accent? >> Everyone does, to someone. So, yes. <<< True. It’s just weird for me to think of myself having an accent as I’m just a gal from California lol.

We’re you a bad child when you were younger? Nope.

Do you get grumpy often for no reason? Yes. I get very moody and irritable all the time. :/

Do you want to have kids/more kids in the future? No kids for me.

What is your dream career? I don’t have one.

Do you iron your clothes? No.

Do you like to go tanning? No.

Are you the type of person who likes to party a lot? Ha, nope. I don’t party at all.

Would you consider your family “rich”? No.

Are you addicted to sugar? Not really. I get my cravings for something, but it’s not something I want all the time.

Have you ever tried using a dating website? Nope. I have no interest in doing so.

What’s the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten? I don’t know. I’m very picky.

What is/was your favorite class in school? English. And of course a lot of my psych classes in college.

What is your favorite type of exercise? None.

Do you believe in getting revenge on someone who’s hurt you? No.

Do you live near any volcanoes? Nope.

Name one word that you always have trouble pronouncing. Hmm. My mom just got Azithromycin and I can’t seem to pronounce it at all lol. Like I know it in my head, but it won’t come out right.

Have you ever ridden in a taxi? Yeah.

What’s your favorite color? Pastels, rose gold, dusty rose, yellow.

Would you rather use crayons or colored pencils? Colored pencils.

Have you ever had a migraine? No. I did used to get terrible tension headaches often in high school. I still get them every now and then.

Tell me something about yourself that you don’t normally tell people. I already tell you guys more than I tell anyone.

Have you ever served in the military? No.

What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Eggs and hash browns, especially with sausage gravy, or oatmeal.

Do you go to the gym? Nope.

Do you know how to write HTML? I only know the very, very basics.

What is your favorite book? Too many of those.

Do you have any songs that seem to fit your life perfectly? It definitely feels that way with certain songs.

How many concerts have you been to? I think 6 or 7.

Have you ever tried “planking”? No.

Do you shop at Hot Topic? Yeah.

Are you confident with your appearance? Not at all.

Do you have trouble sitting still for long periods of time? Oh yes.

Do you use the alarm clock on your phone or do you have an actual alarm? I use the one on my phone.

Is your internet connection fast? Yeah.

Do you enjoy snow? Yes, but I live somewhere it doesn’t snow so for me it’s such a novelty. People who live where it snows often don’t like it so much.

What are your initials? Nah.

Are you paranoid of other people talking about you behind your back? Yes, but not as much as I used to be.

Are you germaphobic? I know some people really suffer with that, so I don’t want to use the term lightly, but I never share drinks or eat off the same fork or whatever with anyone. I’ve been that way for as long as I can remember.

Do you get along with your parents? Yes.

Have you ever had food poisoning? I don’t believe so.

Are you impatient? Very.

What is your favorite thing to put on a sandwhich? Turkey, provolone, mustard, mayo, and pesto.

Do you trust yourself with big responsibilities? I wouldn’t now. :/

Do you like long car rides? Depends.

How often do you shower? 3 to 4 times.

Do you consider yourself a bully? Only to myself.

Who were you last mad at and why? Me cause I’m like... *gestures vaguely* this.

Are your parents currently togther? Yes.

Do you find the rain calming? Yes.

What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream? Strawberry.

Do you follow football? Nope.

Have you ever had an emotional breakdown? >> Yes. It still amazes me that there are people walking around that have never had one, ever. Wild. <<<<

Do you think tomorrow will be a good day for you? I’m just looking forward to getting a Souffle from Panera Bread, ha.

Are you in a good mood? I’m siiiiiick.

[castielgirl19]

Who’s the real monster Part One

Post (13X22):  Y/N Winchester happens to be the only human or thing, the Apocalypse World, Castiel, would talk too. And she is also the only person to see his wings, and hear how the sweet and innocent being came out to be a twisted version of himself. But when he refuses and resues to go on hunts with them, still not liking her brothers. They get into a arguement which leads to Y/N giving up asking him for help . But when Y/N and TFW 2.0 go to a bar, after a mission and AU Castiel isn't aware until Mary, Ketch and Bobby return...things start to turn quickly

Regular Castiel (Cas)/ AU Castiel (Castiel)

Warnings: Smut! Jealousy, mild language.

''So, what monster this time?'' You asked, placing yourself beside your brother, who was happily munching on a giant bacon cheeseburger. To which annoyed you, especially the moaning in pleasure, and she knew Dean liked doing it to get on her nerves.

''Not a monster,'' Dean mumbled through his food, placing his half eaten burger on the war table. As everyone gathered around it. Mary, Jack, Sam, Castiel, Ketch, and Apocalypse Bobby waited. ''A Nest, and get this wolves and vamps teaming up! Freaking Twilight! and I'm surprised. I thought killing the alpha meant killing all the vamps? Guess I was wrong.''

Before you or Sam could smirk, Dean glared, holding his hamburger again and taking another bite. Before he pointed a singer finger at you two. ''Not a word, either of you,'' Dean smirked. ''Bitch, Ass.''

''Jerk.'' Sam said, grinning.

''Asshole.'' You said too, grinning as well. Before turning your attention to the group. ''At least we have everything we need,'' You stated, lifting a hand too the group. ''Mom, Jack, B-Bobby, and two angels, including a very powerful nephilim. And an ex-serial monster killer.''

Sam smiled in response. ''That we do-''

''Actually, I can't fly.''  Cas pointed out, and you frowned, and Sam's smile dropped. While Jack walked over and touched the seraph's head to heal his grace, but nothing happened. ''Thank you Jack, but it won't work this time, my wings need to rest.''

''So, Y/n,'' Mary said, her gaze turning toward  you, as Jack and the other's left the room. ''Is umm...You know who going to help us? We could use his help.'' She said, her eyes shimmering with hope.

And you sighed, shrugging your shoulder's. Before looking behind you where the hallway to the room's were, then back at your mom. You knew she was right, you and the little group were about to go against a big nest, apparently wolves and vamps teaming up.

Sounding like Twilight all over again.

And You knew how weak and powerless your Cas was. But the other Castiel had no issue, he could come and go as he wanted, and heal or in his way torture a human he wanted. And you guys could use his torture skills to kill the wolves and the vamps, well the bad ones.

With a sigh and look at your mom you nodded. ''Okay, I'll talk to him.'' You said, and you frowned, knowing he wasn't going to help, even if you were going on the hunt he wasn't gonna. So, turning around and heading to Castiel's room, where you could hear a distant sound of music being played. Passing by your brother's and Mom's and Cas's room. You stopped when you arrived at your room.

Looking up at the shut door, you took a deep breath closing your eyes , hoping all went well. Before you opened them and spoke. ''Castiel?! It's me! Can I come in?!'' You asked, and you knew it seemed weird to ask to be let into you own bedroom, but you didn't care or mind.

Everything was silent. Until the sound of the Music being shut off as well as approaching footsteps coming to the door caught your attention. And the door opened to reveal Castiel, who looked slightly annoyed or grumpy to have his silent moment interrupted by a human.

And you couldn't help but smile, but you tried and tried to avoid looking up at his ginormous black wings. And you didn't want to ask why only you could see them or why you couldn't see your Cas's wings.

You must have fazed out because, a hand was suddenly shaking you. You slightly yelped back into reality and saw Castiel waiting, all decked in one of Dean's AC/DC Shirt's and plain old shorts, with crossed arms, leaning against the frame.

''Are you with me?'' He asked, and you felt your body shiver every time he talked, Damn that German Accent. But at least he was still in Jimmy's body. ''Did you need something, Y/n?''

You nodded, meeting his eyes. The white one looking at nothing while the blue stared at you.  And Ever since you met this Castiel, you felt sparks, and for some reason...safe.

And when you and your brother's brought him back, to see if he knew anything about Apocalypse Michael. You two instantly connected, you were the only one to calm him, and right when you saw him it was like if time froze, and you had also seen his wings.

Clearing your throat you swallowed. ''Um, we're going on a hunt-''

''As I said before...''Castiel said, his accent much deeper, as rolled his eyes. ''I will not partake in anything the Winchester's or any other human does. Unless it's just you and me on a hunt.''

You groaned, and glared at the angel. ''You do get I am also a Winchester? Right?'' You asked, raising both eyebrow's in question. And Castiel scowled, eyes dropping down to the floor. But you lowered your head to make eye contact. ''Then why don't you hate me? I want to know, what make's me so freaking special to you that you would rather kill my brothers than me?''

Castiel looked at you in shock, eyes slightly widened. And you noticed his wing's were now behind him as if they offered some kind of protection to him. Finally with a deep sigh, Castiel locked eyes with you, and you loved how different colored they were.

''F-for the first time,'' He stuttered. ''I-I feel.''

You narrowed your eyes at him. ''Feel what? Happy?'' You joked, but frowned instantly when he looked back at you suddenly angry, the calm, non killing Castiel gone. Now replaced with old torture Castiel, who was glaring down at you as if you were his next victium.

''You are so frustrating!'' He sneered, teeth showing, his lip beginning to twitch. ''You don't like to listen. You and the rest of the hairless apes of the this world never do. You all just want desire, you crave it, until your mind's aren't completely upstairs.''

You growled back, this time getting a little closer. ''Well maybe we would listen, if you and the rest of the garrison, could stop being a giant load of dicks!'' You yelled, not caring if your brother's heard. ''And all we wanted from you was help on this hunt. But no, you need your rest. Just thinking about yourself all this time-''

Castiel tried to open his mouth. But you talked over him. ''But as far as I stand all of you, besides my Cas and Jack and Gabriel....Are Dicks, but I-'' You gasped, as Castiel suddenly pinned you to the wall opposite of your door, wing's flared reaching to the ceiling.

''You spoiled little Tart!'' Castiel all but growled, eyes almost glowing blue, his arm over your chest pinning you. And your head hurt a little I mean it wasn't soft. ''You think you know me? You think you know everything?'' He growled. ''And yet you seem to let everyone you ever love die, well I can't be surprised at all I mean, it's what you always seem to do.''

You tried to talk but his glare silenced your voice. ''If I you can't get through your tiny little head of everything happening, '' He growled, his fists tightening. ''I will make sure you do.''

You felt your heart shatter at that, what did he mean by he'd make sure she'd know. You were about to ask, when you noticed both his arm's were raised and his hands were reaching for the sides of your head. He wouldn't.....

''Don't!'' You screamed,pushing him back, slightly surprised you managed to get him off. Castiel stumbled, taken aback by her strength. ''After what I've done for you?''. You said, eyes glassy, your feelings too hurt to notice the regret and hurt in Castiel's eyes. ''Y-You try to-''..

''No! That was-'' Castiel tried to reach for you, but pulled back. Eyes looking anywhere but him, feeling as if the world had been tipped over. ''Y-Y/N?''

Slowly you looked up not meeting his eyes, but his wings. His wing's were flapping dangerously and trying to reach desperately for you, as if they wanted to protect you. But you shook your head your emotions going cold, if this is how Castiel wanted it, then so be it.

''Well, I'll tell the hairless apes not to ask you for anything.'' You replied, no emotion in your voice, not even looking at the Angel, who was trying to reach for you agian. But the moment you felt his hand's you slapped them away. ''Don't. You Ever. Touch Me. Or anyone else ever again.''

Ignoring and not looking at him, you quickly ran after your brother's and the small group of fighters for the case. All along hearing Castiel calling your name. But you didn't give a shit. No not anymore, if Castiel was going to kill you then so be it.

Exiting the bunker, you run over to the Impala. Where Sam, Dean, Mary and Cas sat. Which left no room for you which meant only one thing.

''Finally!'' Dean hollered, poking his head out the window, and getting everyone's attention. ''So, is Angel boy 2.0 joining us?'' He asked, and you gave him a look and Dean sighed, before hitting the steering wheel in frustration.

''I'm sor-''

''Don't.'' Dean growled, eyes angry, not at you but Castiel. ''Not your fault, who knew another version of Cas would be, such a giant supper  dick.''

You smiled, before getting right down to buisness. ''So, who am I driving with?'' You asked, and Dean smirked, you knew that look. ''Please don't tell me....''

''Yes, well, I'm afraid unless your angel can make the car bigger,'' Ketch began, walking over, while Bobby and Jack you noticed waited in the car next to Deans. ''You're with me, Jack and your other world friend.''

You sighed deeply, you hated Ketch with your very well being. But right now you hated Castiel even more, so what the hell. To everyone's surprise you went straight over to the car and got in the back, where Jack sat, his innocent eyes looking at you.

''Damn, something must have happened in the bunker to piss her off.'' Dean said, chuckling softly, even though he felt worried. ''Because she never goes with Ketch without a fight.''

''I heard that.'' Ketch replied, getting into the driver's seat of the other car, while Dean started the ignition. As well as Ketch and drove off. While you sat silently beside Jack, fighting back tears, not wanting to look weak in front of Ketch or Bobby.

But it seemed you couldn't hide anything from a Nephilim. As suddenly time was frozen and Jack was looking at you innocently. ''Y/N, I sense you are sad,'' He said,and you turned to look at him, time still frozen. ''What happened in the bunker?''

You swallowed, and suddenly you couldn't hold them in and sobbed into Jack's chest. Making the young angel-kid, frown deeply. You were like a mother to him and he'd be damned if you were sad or hurt. And that's when he caught sight of a little blood on the back of your head, and he instantly touched you healing you.

You looked  at him in confusion. ''W-What did you just do?'' You asked, while Jack tried to keep his anger under control. ''What's wrong?''

''W-who made you bleed? Who hurt you?'' He growled, and you were taken aback. So apperently Castiel did end up making you bleed when he had pinned you. Now looking at Jack, who's eyes were a sliver from turning gold, you swallowed.

''C-Castiel, the other Castiel, he-''You paused, and Jack squeezed your hand comforting you, even though he was holding everything back not to scream. ''He tried to use his torture skill he did on humans in the apocalypse world on me...''

Instantly Jack's eyes turned gold and quickly he hugged you. His wing's wrapping around you which you couldn't see. ''He won't hurt you,'' He growled, promising, kissing your head. ''I won't let him, even if that means I have to kill a version of Castiel.''

You smiled, your tears dried up, and your face thanks to Jack normal with no tear stains. ''Thank you Jack,'' You smiled, kissing his cheek, just as he unfroze time, and Ketch and Bobby seemed unfazed. ''Just don't tell anyone between you and me.''

Jack nodded. ''Between you and me.''

AfterMath

''What do you guy's think about that new bar we passed a couple miles back?'' Dean asked, as you and the other's packed up your weapons, after killing every vamp and werewolf you could find. ''I think it's called 'The family Business'. ''

You raised a brow, ''Great title,'' You shrugged, as Sam, got in the Impala, which meant anyone going with Dean, was going to the bar. And then Cas went in much to your surprise knowing he wasn't really a drinker, but maybe he just wanted to spend time with you guys. And suddenly Jack got in.

Oh Hell No.

Wait....

''Jack, how old are you?'' You asked, and the boy turned his head and smiled. While Mary and Ketch threw they're stuff into Ketch's car along with Bobby.

''Mary said I am twenty-one.'' He replied.

And you took a deep breath in relief. Before you looked between Mary and Ketch and Your brother's and the two Angel's in the backseat. Before making a decision that shocked everyone, well not Mary, Ketch and Bobby, or Jack. But at least your brother's and Cas.

''I want to come with you guys,'' You said, avoiding Dean's shocked gaze, and feeling everyone's eyes on you made your skin prickle. ''What? Do I have something on my face?!''

Dean shook his head. ''No, it's just...''He glanced into the car at Sam and Cas, before shaking his head. ''Nevermind. There's an extra seat, Jack can scoot in the middle.''

''Thank you,'' You smiled, and Dean smiled in return, before he got in slamming the door. While Mary and Ketch and Bobby got in the other car. Before you got into the Impala, staring out the window like you did before, hoping this time Jack wouldn't freeze time.

''You guys coming?!'' Dean hollered over the engine of the Impala, and Ketch shook his head.

''We'll meet you at the bunker!'' He hollered back. ''Someone has to watch the other version of your angel friend. Because I don't think letting him go free his wise!''

''For the first time, you and I agree!'' Dean exclaimed, before Ketch drove off, and Dean drove you all to the new bar 'The Family Business'

After a few miles of awkward silence. You felt a hand touch you, and you looked to see Jack giving you a look of concern, and that's when you realized he was raising his hand to freeze time once more, but you shook your head. ''No, Jack.'' You whispered, taking his hand. ''Not again.''

''Not what again?'' Cas suddenly asked, and you almost hit yourself knowing the angel had mild concern when it came to you. ''Y/N, Jack, Is there something wrong?''

Instantly you shook your head, and Dean and Sam's attention was brought to you. And you avoided Dean's gaze knowing if he looked at you he would tell you were lying.

''No, just catching up on old times,'' You smiled, until the image of Castiel pinning you and almost killing you or torturing you made you take a deep breath. ''So, who decided to call the bar the family business?''

Dean smirked and shrugged. ''Don't know, but the man has good taste, what was his name?'' Dean asked, looking at Sam who was on his laptop researching, eyes furrowed in concentration, before Dean slapped his arm. ''Hey! What's the dude's name? That own's the bar?''

Sam glared at Dean mumbling under his breath. Before researching it up. ''A-uh, Jensen Ackles who is married to a women named Danneel Ackles. Apparently they are actor's, and are-''

''Wait, wasn't I known as Jensen Ackles back when, flyboy over there,'' Dean paused sticking a thumb into Castiel's direction. ''Decided to play God and have Balthazar teleport us into some messed up world. Where you were Jared Padalecki and Y/n, Y/A/N Collins''

''Oh, and don't forget, Misha.'' You laughed, and Dean and Sam did too. ''What kind of a name was Misha Collins anyway?''

''And weren't you two married?'' Sam asked, with a raised brow. Making you glare at him, remembering how sweet and gentle Misha had been. And remembering you and Misha's kids, what was their names? Oh, West and Maison. You missed it there.

''Yep,'' You replied, just as Sam shut his laptop. And leaned back. Knowing it was going to take minutes to arrive at the Family Business.

Later:

As soon as you and the boys went inside the bar. You were taken away by the size of it and the decor. There was a mechanical bull, which had already a few or more people waiting, And then there was the karaoke, and huge television screens with football, basketball, TV Show's you name it.

Upon ordering you watched unsurprised as a black haired women walked over, looking at Dean with a small smirk, as she took your order's. You decided to go with something small, not wanting to get drunk, not after what you did back in high school. Which had Dean laughing for days, and Sam giving you looks of pity and your dad, John Winchester looking so dissapointed.

''I love this place!'' Dean smirked,just as the girl came back setting your drinks out, before she leaned down and whispered something into Dean's ear, and you watched as he bit his lip. Eyes twinkling with desire before he nodded. ''Well Kiddo's,'' Dean said, wrapping his arm around her, making you and Sam roll your eyes. ''I'm off, you guys have some fun.''

You just took a sip of your wine in answer. Before you watched Jack take a sip of his drink, and smiled a little when the boy's face scrunched up, you couldn't tell either from disgust or confusion. Until the boy smiled and happily sipped some more.

Cas on the other hand just sat there, holding a water in his hand. As if Cas could feel you looking at him, his eyes turned to you, making you blush, and him smile softly. Ever since you met him you had a crush on the adorable angel. But then there was Castiel, and that's when you made your decision.

Getting up you made your way to the bar and sat there, waiting for a man. It seemed she didn't have to wait long as a huge man not as huge as Sam but at least Dean's huge came over and grinned at you, his brown eyes glassed over with desire and need.

''My, Darling,'' He said, taking a seat. ''Aren't you sexy. And two more drinks.''

You smirked, and decided to go with this man's game. So, smiling, you moved your hair aside and gave the man a look. ''Hi, handsome what's your name?'' You asked, almost disgusted at the way you sounded. So like Dean, but not.

''Thomas, and yours darling?'' He asked, smirking as well, as he scooted closer so his knees brushed yours. And you smiled back at him, before giving him another fake lust filled look.

''Y/N.''

''So, Y/N what brings a fine looking girl out here?'' Thomas asked, sipping his drink, while you did the same, savoring the taste of your wine. ''Because I know there has to be a reason? Husband? Boyfriend issues?'' He asked, and you almost spat out your drink.

''Y-Yeah, but he's not my boyfriend,'' You replied, and at this Thomas smirked. ''I'm just came here to forget him for the night, but it seems I can't even do that!'' You exclaimed slamming your empty wine glass down. And Thomas laughed.

''What?'' You asked.

''You won't get result's with wine, Darling,'' He said, before whispering something in the bar tender's ear, before looking back at you, as the bar tender made your drinks. ''How about we both forget our problems tonight? What do you say?'' He asked.

Just as the Bar Tender came back with your drinks. And you lifted one up, and looked at it and smelled it. Of course, Beer, but if it could help your forget about Castiel. You smirked back, lifting the glass to him, and him doing the same. ''I say, yes.''

Meanwhile Jack and Cas were watching you. Jack was concerned and confused, while Cas was sad and angry. He never in his years, has seen you hook up with some random dude, that was mostly Dean's thing. Sam had left with a girl of his own, so Dean had to give him a ride. Which left Jack and Cas alone, but Jack could teleport so they shouldn't worry.

''Something's wrong.'' Cas whispered suddenly, and Jack looked up. ''Y/N Is never this way in a bar or hardly ever goes to bar's.''

Jack felt shame rise in his chest for not telling Cas why you went. But when he looked to you. You were nodding your head for them to leave. And Jack got the message grabbing Cas's hand, but also feeling worried for Y/N.

''Jack?'' Cas began, but Jack just teleported them to the bunker, leaving Y/N and Thomas.

Bunker: Mary, Ketch, Bobby Arrive.

''Stupid fucking hands!''

Punch, Castiel punched the wall again, his anger at himself getting the best of him. As he replayed what happened.

''Stupid Fucking emotions!'' He growled, delivering another solid punch into the wall. This time making some crumble.

''Stupid Fucking Y/N!'' He was so mad, he didn't hear the door slam shut to the bunker nor the footsteps, as he delivered another blow to the wall. ''Stupid Fucking Me!''

At the last part Castiel let himself lean against the part of the wall the was unbeaten, taking deep breath's to calm himself down. He never, never meant to scare her. Ever since she had convinced his other self not to kill him , he was forever in her favor and gratitude.

But when he was taken to they're side. He saw something in her eyes that he had never seen before, hope, faith and her soul. Oh, how her soul shined, and how his grace, his trueform called out to one another. It was like if they were meant to be, and he knew deep down they were. But after what he did and said to the women he loved, he knew he blew it.

So, taking his anger on the unsuspecting wall's of the Bunker, seemed to make him feel a little better but not enough. He suddenly remembered the word's that his world's Naomi said, and her exact words. On how Humans were apes and nothing more than bugs to them. And he remembered how in his younger days, before they completely broke his mind. When he cared and loved humanity, and the animals.

The worst of all was all the killings he committed, he remembered killing the only angel beside's Hannah who followed and trusted him, Samandriel. And he was nothing but a little boy if he was in human age. And Castiel remembered when Naomi blinded him his right eye. And how she had messed up his voice, so he didn't sound like 'Jimmy Novak' anymore instead he sounded German.

But the experience and almost hurting but not meaning to, Y/N, was the worst one of them all. Even worse when Castiel had killed Anna when she was trying to save a child.

Castiel's thoughts and utter torment were broken when a small comforting hand placed itself on his shoulder. He flinched slightly, but did not strike out, instead, putting on a smile. He turned around expecting to see her. ''Y/N, I am so sorry for what-'' He stopped talking when he saw it wasn't you, but your mother, Mary Winchester, looking at him in concern.

''Ah, Mary Winchester.'' Castiel said, looking at the women who had given birth to three wonderful children. As well as his light and love, Y/n. ''W-What are you doing here?''

Mary bit her lip. Pretending she had not just witnessed another version of her friend beat the living daylights out of his vessels knuckles and the wall, which now had a gaping hole. She only looked at  him in concern, and she had sent Bobby and Ketch downstairs while she had a talk with the Angel.

''I-We um,'' Mary stuttered, before placing her hand's on her hips. ''We could hear you from downstairs. Ketch wanted to be the one to see what was going on, but I decided to see it for myself.''

Castiel could feel his cheeks redden in embarrassment, and his wing's flap. As he took in everything Mary said, they had heard everything he said and did. So, looking into the women's eyes, he gazed into them and saw her eyes were the same color's as yours.

Wait if Mary, Ketch and Bobby were back that must mean.

''Is Y/N here?'' He quickly asked, as the thought came to him, Mary shook her head no, and the angel suddenly grew worried. ''S-She's not....''' He paused unable to finish the sentence.

Mary shook her head again. ''Heaven's no!'' She laughed, gently placing a hand on his arm to calm him which it did a little. ''They just went out to a new bar up the road.''

Castiel froze at that. A bar? How he hated those places. They were den's on iniquity and he would never allow himself to be in that situation. Wait if Y/N, Dean, his otherself and Sam and Jack went out, then Y/N should be fine.

Feeling relieved he was about ask Mary something when the rustling of feather's in Y/N's room, made him and Mary turn to see Jack and his other self standing there.

''You guys are back early?'' Mary said, crossing her arms, as Jack locked eyes with Castiel making him uncomfortable as the young boy glared at him, and if he wasn't mistaken there was a hint of gold in his death glare. ''Where's my boys and girl?''

Cas smiled reassuringly, and told her. ''Dean and Sam are out with they're, um.'' Cas said feeling uncomfortable, which made Castiel grin as he crossed his arms. ''And Y/N is about to Netflix and Chill.'' He replied, sticking a thumbs up.

''What's Netflix and Chill?'' Castiel asked, furrowing his brows, and Mary's face went deep red. ''And why does it involve Y/N? And why is she alone?! You should be protecting her?''

Cas was taken aback, but explained to his other self what the statement meant. ''It means in 'Dean's case Y/N is going to have intercourse with some random dude from the bar. And she looked happy so me and Jack decided to leave.''

Instantly the color in Castiel's face drained, and his wing's flared, his grace angrily going through them. He couldn't believe what he heard, his one and only beloved, was going to mate with, with, a human and worst of all someone she didn't know. W-What if the hurt her, he felt jealousy rise in his chest like a time bomb about to go off before he looked at Mary and Cas, while Jack left the room.

''C-Can I check on her,'' He asked, catching Cas and Mary's attention instantly. ''Please, just to see if she is alright, then I will come straight back, I promise. She's, She's my best friend.''

Cas was at a loss for words, and he knew that every word his other self spoke was true. And he knew he just wanted to see if you were alright he would have wanted to do the same thing, if only his wing's were working. So, before Mary could answer he surprised them both.

''Yes,'' He said, and Castiel gave him a small smile about to fly off until Cas grabbed his arm. ''But if you run, I will hunt you down.''

Castiel nodded and vanished out of they're sight. While Mary just stood there like a deer in the headlights.

Bar

''That sounds hilarious!'' You laughed, almost chocking on your own laugh, as you slammed what appeared to be your seventh or eighth drink, and here you were now with Thomas, who was telling you a story about how he dunked someone before, and how you were sitting in his lap. ''Anymore stories?'' You asked.

Thomas smirked, placing his drink down, before he wrapped his arms around your waist and hips. Which made you smile and smirk, as you placed yours down as well. Before he suddenly drew his face closer to your's making you almost gag in disgust his breath stunk and so maybe did yours.

''Let's forget about stories for right now, okay?'' Thomas said, and you nodded, and Thomas looked at you as if you were his last meal. And unknown to you, you were. ''Let's, go, the bar's closing.''

You nodded, and tried to get off his lap, but he didn't let you and you went for your knife until suddenly, you saw him, standing in front of you. Even though you were drunk, you still had hunter skills. And you gave a gasp of relief of Castiel, all decked in his apocalypse world clothes standing in front of you.

''Come with me, honeybee.'' He smirked wickedly, crooking a finger at you, and you couldn't argue and felt yourself go to him, You felt his leather clad arm wrap around you, and he kissed you, stifling our cries as you wrapped your arms around his neck, as he wrapped your legs around his hips. And you groaned when you felt him. ''That's it honey bee show me how much you want me.''

Before you could answer. The rustling of feather's caught both of your attention, but when looked up, you froze as you saw another Castiel, but the Castiel that you had left at the Bunker standing there. What the hell? Two Apocalypse Castiel's?

Suddenly the imposter Castiel that was holding you growled in anger and dropped you, and tried to escape but the real Castiel came and grabbed the other him by the shoulders.. He was about to kill whatever the thing was, when the face and body transformed into...you.

''W-What trickery is this?!'' Castiel snarled, as the imposter you opened her E/C, eyes and smiled innocently at your angel. Who was still glaring at the fake you in anger and deep and utter confusion. ''W-what are you...why do you have her face?!''

Castiel raised his arms to kill this imposter, but the fake you smiled wickedly, and just looked at Castiel's arms like nothing was going to happen.

''You can't hurt me, Castiel.'' Fake you smiled, stepping closer so she was inches from meeting Castiel's lips, which were twitching. ''At least, well....not again anyway's.'' The fake you purred, batting her lashes to seduce the angered angel.

Unaware of the real you, slightly sitting up and clutching your head, hissing and pulling back when you felt a deep gash on the back of it. Before holding out your hand and you saw blood. But as you gazed up, you could hear everything fake you and Castiel were saying. And you instantly well not really, but enough to wake you up, buzz of worry and anger mixed together, waking you from your drunk state.

Castiel avoided fake you's gaze and looked down at his hand's, seeing his skin, until the fake you decided to turn back into Castiel from the apocalypse world and smirked. Your eyes widened as you saw the real Castiel had given up, but you hadn't. You knew what it was...Skin-walker. And worst of all it had Castiel's memories, and you hoped not your's.

So, without even hesitating or thinking, you reached into your leather jacket to get the silver blade to kill the creature. But froze when it's voice who sounded like the real Castiel drawled out.

''Well, would you look at that!'' Fake Castiel exclaimed, catching real Castiel's attention. ''It seems our guest has awakened! How about showing her at home? Shall we?''

The real Castiel didn't say anything, and you watched in horror as the fake Castiel undid his gloves which you thought were hot to be honest, but your heart fell when it handed them to Castiel, who looked down at them. Before glancing at you, and you noticed for the first time, his wing's were spread out in attack mode.

''Do what we've always done, Castiel.'' The Fake Castiel taunted, as the real one placed the gloves on his hand's before pulling each one up until they reached his wrist. Before he looked at his fake self, who was looking at you hungrily. ''Kill her! Kill this filthy hairless ape-'' Fake Castiel said, stepping towards you, much to your horror. ''Kill this being that No-''

''Aghhh!'' The fake Castiel exclaimed in pain, and you watched in relief and shock, as the real Castiel stood behind him, gripping his own silver blade which he had driven through the skinwalker's chest. The Skinwalker looked at Castiel in shock and pain.

Castiel leaned in close so his mouth was right next to the dying SkinWalker's ear and growled. ''If you're wondering why I'm doing this,'' He sneered, his lips twitching once again, as you braced yourself against the wall. ''If you think this is because you are a monster, born one just like all the other's out there. You. were. wrong. So, tell me why I'm doing this?''

Quickly Castiel twisted the blade even more, torturing the Skinwalker even more, making it clutch desperatrly at the blade tears if pain running down it's face. Even though you were relieved he was saving you, you were disappointed that he had broke your promise to not torture anyone again.

''Tell. Me.'' Castiel growled, twisting the blade once more, making the skinwalker cry once more. You tried to get up to stop Castiel but you were felt to weak, until Castiel suddenly placed a hand onto the creatures head, making it's eyes shine blue and cry in pain, before it slouched breathing heavily. ''Now! Tell me!''

You were about to shoot the dying creature with your hidden silver bullet gun. Not liking how Castiel handled it, it was like Ketch all over again. But froze when the creature who was now vomiting blood looked at you in pain.

''B-Because I hurt her,'' He cried, his eyes glossy, until you raised your gun and aimed it weakly at his head. And the creature looked to you. ''Do it, please, I can't take the pain any longer, please!'' It shouted, and you felt a little remorse and nodded, but before you could fire, you felt a unknown sensation trap you against the wall, making you wince as your new wound hit the wall.

''Shit,'' You hissed, not liking the way you can now see spots in your vision which meant you were merely seconds from going out cold, if it happened again. And you tried to move, but the unknown force was there again, and you whimpered, which gained the dying creatures attention, while Castiel was too caught up in his torture act. As more blood streaked down your neck this time some managed to wizzle it's way on your chest.

''Y-You think I was the only one?'' The skinwalker weezed out with a bloody cough, which dribbled on Castiel a little. Before he turned his gaze back to you. ''Look again, the reason I wanted her was because...I was never loved as a child, I was a freak, but...It seem's monster's don't get there way. And she from the way she speaks was like me, but look at her now, and say who's really hurting her?''

You felt like crying to the Skinwalker's story, she knew some were good. Like the dog guy, he had killed people but people that were bad, and then the women one who helped Jack mourn over the loss of Kelly Kline his mother, and helped her when she thought Cas was dead. Mourn over his death as well by looking like them.

You froze when you felt Castiel's gaze on you, and you looked away. But when the sound of metal, and a body hitting the floor, you knew Castiel had come running, and you looked up when you felt his wing's touching you. And you saw Castiel leaning down in a squat position to see if you were hurt, just as the Skinwalker let out it's last words.

''Seem's like I'm not the only monster,'' It whispered, before looking at you, and  you almost cried since it looked like Castiel. ''Thank you Y/N, for treating me like a human being for the first and last time in my life...''

As quick as the creature talked and thrived. It was dead.

''Y/n? Are you alright?'' Castiel whispered, worry in voice, as his leather gloved hand's gently touched your cheeks, trying to at least make your look at him. But you didn't and it pained him, when you didn't. ''Y/n, you have-''

''Have to what? Break your promise?'' You finished, glaring up at the hurt angel who's eye's widened when he looked down at his hand's and then at the dead skinwalker. ''You promised me you wouldn't hurt or torture anyone, anymore!''

Castiel's vessel's heart stopped, and he violently shook his head. ''No, no, I thought that dreadful creature was hurting you.'' He tried to explain, his wing's still wrapped around you, since his grace had let you go, after he had seen you were hurt. ''I came here to see if you were alright, and found you kissing, a-another me.''

You blushed but still felt angry, and shook yourself from his hold. Ignoring the hurt look in the angel's eyes, or the way his wing's were on edge for you. You heard him sigh in frustration, before you heard footsteps, and you knew if you turned you would be face to face with him.

''W-Would you like me to take you back to the bunker?'' He whispered,behind you causing shivers. ''The other's including your mother are worried for you.''

Sighing you turned crossing your arms, and faced him. He was holding out a single gloved hand out, waiting for you to take it. And you watched to many musical's and horror films to know when someone with a gloved hand holds it out it meant the end for you. So, with a glare at the angel, you declined it, making him lower his hand, his frown deepening.

''Y/n, we should talk-''

''No.'' You snapped, turning away and looking at the skinwalker's body before grabbing the front part of it, and dragging it across the wooden floorboards to outside, when it suddenly disappeared. ''What the?''

Looking behind you, you saw Castiel's hand raised and knew he must have vanished the body somewhere. But you were so not bothering to thank him. Not after what he did to the skinwalker, I mean stabbing it would have been fine but twisting and twisting until it cried. That was enough,you were done. With him, with hope and with yourself. And done with the one thing you felt like you could never have, from him or anyone, love.

''Y/n.'' Castiel began, but you were already walking away, and to the door of the bar. Not surprised the bar owner left you and the skinwalker to clean up afterwards. ''Y/n, wait.'' you heard Castiel plead once more, and you felt like your were about to cry at how broken he sounded, but not falling for it you began walking to the door once more, not looking back and surprised that Castiel was telling you to wait but wasn't stopping you.

Guess he finally learned

After leaving Castiel at the bar, you were walking to the bunker, not trusting Castiel as far as you could throw him to not fly off with you and kill you. But you regretted not letting him heal you, since you were angry and scared at what he did to the creature. You felt behind your head once and felt the wound, you were worried at how deep it was, it might even need stitching.

But shaking your head you maintained your mission on going home, to the bunker. It was when you felt something go down your chest and neck that made you stop and get distracted again, looking down you froze as more blood was getting soaked into your shirt, making you sigh deeply.

''Could any of this shit, possibly get any worse?!'' You asked, glaring as you took your shirt in your hand, and glared at the sky. But it seemed God or Chuck whatever he called himself now, was not on your side, as rain started to sprinkle down, and hard it did. ''Son-of-a-Bitch! Chuck! Why! Why do I deserve this?!''

You instantly wrapped your arms around yourself, as the rain got harder and harder. It felt like fifty degrees and it didn't help with your wound to the head, and as a matter of fact it just made the blood from your wound poor even more.

Quickly you began sprinting down the road, where there were no car's to be seen, or anything to be honest. She threw her leather hood over her head, and tried to calm her breathing, and find some place to sleep for tonight, because she wasn't getting back to the bunker.

''This is worse than anything I've ever been through,'' You groaned, as the wind picked up, making you pull on your jacket. ''And I met the freaking Devil. I should have went with, Castiel.''

Suddenly before you could say anything more, you didn't notice you had walked into the middle of the road, since it was dark outside and there was one of those night's where the moon was blocked. But what you did notice was the big lights of what appeared to be semi coming straight for you. But before you could do anything, a pair of familiar arm's wrapped around your small frame, and suddenly you were in a small but a nice looking hotel bedroom.

''What the hell?'' You breathed, ignoring the way your H/C, dripped onto your wet clothes. ''W-Where am I? Jack?'' You whispered hoping it was him. But when you felt a His chin against you cheek you instantly knew who it was, there was only one angel with a scruff. ''C-Castiel?''

Castiel looked down at you, still in his arms breathing heavily, with his wing's still wrapped around you. He could feel his vessel's heart pounding, in relief and shock, and fear that he had almost lost you. This time because of breaking your promise.

''Castiel? What are you doing here?'' You asked stuttering, quickly getting out of his hold, which made you wish you hadn't because you ended up cold again. But it seemed Castiel noticed because he instantly took off his leather trench coat the same one he wore in the other world, and wrapped it around you. Just as you sat on one of the kitchen chairs. ''And how are you not wet?''

Castiel smirked, even cold and scared you were so much like her brother, what was his name? Dean, and your mother Mary. ''To answer your first question, I never left your side.'' He said truthfully, and he did, since all he did was fly around you to make sure you were alright. ''And to answer your second question, I vanished with before the rain could get me.''

''Well....thank you,'' You smiled, but the look on Castiel's face as he sat on the chair next to you, looked like he didn't really feel you meant it, and you took one of his gloved hand's and held it to you. ''No! Castiel, really! if it wasn't for you I'd be-'' You paused, eyes meeting his, ''You know, that.''

Castiel smiled, and you smiled back, hugging his jacket more closer. And to be honest you loved the smell of it, and didn't care about the blood on it. Before you looked at him once more, and swallowed, remembering the argument between you both has to be resolved. And to be honest you felt it was mostly your fault, you had been too hard on him. I mean he came from another world, where he did thing's differently, than your Cas did. So with a deep breath, you knew you had to end this argument and apologize.

''Castiel,'' You whispered, still holding his hand, and he met your eyes, waiting for your response, and in turn squeezed your hand gently for comfort. ''I-I'm sorry, for what happened all day.''

Castiel's smile faulted into a frown. No this was his fault, he...he had hurt her, twice.

''Don't say that,'' He said softly, using his free hand to cup your cheek, while the other still held your hand. His eyes bored into your's which were on the verge of breaking. ''I-It was my fault, I-I knew deep down that other me should have killed me, and my anger I took it out on you. And I will never, ever forgive myself for doing that to you, Y/n.''

Your lips were now trembling at his words. As you leaned into his soft touch, meeting his eyes once more, as you suddenly felt him shift you so you were sitting in his lap on his chair, while the other one one remained empty, with a wet spot because of the water.

''C-Cas,'' You whispered, shocked and horrified that his leather jeans would get ruined now. ''Y-Your outfit, It's getting wet I-'' Castiel cut her off by putting a finger to your lips. And He smiled down at you, and gently trailed a single finger down your cheek.

''I don't care,'' He smirked, before pressing a kiss to your forehead, making you blush. ''D-Do you want to watch Netflix?'' He asked, and you almost laughed, after introducing this Castiel to it, he was addicted to it. Just like the original Cas.

''But, there's one giant problem,'' You smirked, remembering your Netflix system was back at the Bunker. ''Netflix is back home, at the bunker. And if my mom or anyone came in especially Jack, will kick your ass or kill you.''

Castiel chuckled, and nodded, before gently moving you both to the coach, and placing you down. Before he got up and fixed his greased hair. While you looked at him in confusion.

''Castiel? What?'' Before you could answer he vanished. ''Angels.'' You muttered under your breath, until rustling of wings came back less than a second and Castiel stood there with your Netflix cables and wires to hook up to the flat screen in the small room. ''Did anybody catch you?''

Castiel didn't say anything, avoiding your gaze, as he hooked up the cables, after witnessing Sam on how to hook the thing up. ''Cas.....'' You trailed off, The angel held his hand's up in defense just as he finished hooking it up, smiling. ''Who caught you? Mom? Cas, Bobby?''

''The kid,'' He replied, and you froze, remembering Jack wanted to kill him now after you told him what had happened between the two of you. ''Jack right? It's Jack?'' You nodded, as you signed into your account on the system, while he sat next to you. ''For a second I thought he was going to kill me.''

You smirked, he had no idea. You just chuckled, and began to scan through the list of movies, until one movie caught the angel's interest. ''Stop, that one? Which one is that?'' He asked, as he glared up at the screen, and you felt yourself blush, since you've grown up with this movie, well musical.

''T-The Phantom of the Opera,'' You said, before looking at him, while he looked intently at the screen, waiting. ''D-Do you want to watch it? Castiel?''

The angel took deep thought and nodded. You blushed before clicking play, the movie started out as the same old huge instrumental opening. Thing's didn't start getting awkward until the part where The Phantom and Christine sang 'The point of no return'. Which sent shivers down your spine.

And when you looked at Castiel, you froze to see he was looking straight at you. Before he suddenly moved and started to edge more towards you making you blush, as he now sat inches from you, before he pulled you into his lap once more. And gently he leaned you back, so he was supporting your neck. Before he suddenly used his free hand to touch you.

''Cas?'' You whispered softly, confusion on your face as he leaned down. And that's when you noticed it for the first time, there was nothing but love and care in those blue and white eyes. But what stunned you the most was when the angel began to sing along with the phantom.

'' Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime;'' He sang so beautifully, which made your eyes start to water, as he cupped your cheek as he continued. ''Led me from my  solitude. Say you want  me with you, here beside you,'' He continued softly, until he sang out. As the movie paused. ''Anywhere you go, let me go too, Y/n that's all I ask of you.''

Tears went down your  face at his words. And You answered him by pulling him to you and your lips claimed one another's and to your surprise you could feel tears coming down his cheeks. You wanted to pull back to see if he was ok, but he continued kissing you. until he had you on the coach. Which wasn't a coach anymore, but a giant Queen sized red/blue colored one.

''Cas.'' You whispered softly, cupping his wet cheeks, as he hovered over you, whipping some tears away. ''Why are you crying?'' Youasked, and he smiled, before taking your hand and kissing it before kissing your cheek, and forehead.

''Y/n, I-I''.He stuttered, lips twitching, which you found adorable. ''I love you.'' He finished, which made your heart soar. Until he suddenly turned away quickly as if something had burned him. And you sat up, still drenched but not caring, only caring for Castiel.

''Castiel, look at me.'' Youordered softly, but he refused. ''Please, for me?'' You asked once more, but still no response. That's when an idea came to you crawling to the end of the bed, You looked up at the large onyx wings which were shivering either from fear of rejection or excitement. And without thinking gently touched his wing, making him instantly tense up, which made the wing gently curl around Your small body.

Before you could do anything, you were suddenly pinned to the bed, with a shocked looking Castiel. As his large wings were around you, which was making you more warm.

''You can see them?'' He asked, and you nodded, playing with a single feather on his large wing, which made him tense, andyou smiled. Until a look of shock and awe came upon your angel's face, before you could ask what was wrong. Castiel was instantly nuzzling your neck and what was he....purring against it.

''C-Cas.'' You chuckle, playing with his grease filled hair, which you had made go in random places. As the happy angel sniffed at your neck, much to your confusion. Before he got up and hovered over your body again, a look in his eyes. ''Castiel? What's wrong?''

''Nothing, nothing at all this-'' He said gesturing you to seeing his wings, as he took your hand and placed it against it. ''Excellent, do you know what seeing an angel's wing's means? And I'm sorry I have to ask, but can you see my other self's wings?'' You shook your head, causing him to smile even wider. ''But seeing my wings means you are my soulmate.''

Your eyes widened. ''Soulmate? I'm your soulmate?'' You whispered, smiling, as you happily cupped his cheeks, and he nodded. Before he pulled into a short sweet kiss, until the sweet kiss turned more and more heated at the moment.

Castiel stopped the kiss, and moved his lips too your neck, gently nipping, so he could put his finale mating mark there. Suddenly remembering that you had to say the ok for him to mate you, since angel's mate for eternity. Castiel stopped his nips and kisses and looked at you once more.

''Why'd you stop?'' You asked, not liking the way he stopped so fast. ''Have I done something wrong?''

Castiel quickly shook his head, before gently kissing your head. ''No, not at all.'' He whispered softly, one of his hand's running through your hair. ''I um, I must tell you. If you wish to do it of course that is. That if-if you will let me take you as my mate, and when I give you my bite and knot. We will be together for eternity, my grace will be tied forever with your soul.''

You felt tears well up in your eyes, having Castiel, and all to yourself. And not to mention you were soulmates, but you shook your head, you couldn't let him mate you just because you were soulmates. ''Castiel, please don't do this because of the soulmate bond,'' You whispered, cupping his cheek, while he stared at you. ''I-I don't deserve you, I-''

''Stop right there,'' Castiel growled, his German accent even deeper, which made you feel wetness on your panties. You whimpered as the angel cupped your cheek, his eyes locking firmly on your's nothing but love and devotion in them. ''You think I only want to do this because-'' He slurred, pausing. ''We are soulmates? You were wrong, I've loved you since the very moment I saw you when you saved my life.''

''But I still don't-'' You tried to say once again. But when you felt the angel's wing's tighten around you, in warning to stop, you shut up.

''Yes you are!'' Castiel growled, before he gently used his free hand to pull himself closer so his nose rested against your cheek, so he could whisper in your ear. ''You, are everything I could dream. Your soul shine's with unmistakable beauty, and it calls to me, not just my vessel but to my true-form. So, stop, and do not say you are not worthy of me. It is I who is not worthy of you. Now, will you let me mate you?''

You felt your whole world spinning, at Castiel's words. He loved you, not just because of the soulmate bond, but because you were you, and you didn't have to change a single thing for him. You just hoped he wouldn't regret it afterwards. But as Castiel pulled back so he could look into your eyes, that had tears streaming down.

''Please don’t cry,” he rasps, his eyes searching yours once again. “I pains me so much to see you cry.”

“C-Cas,” you finally manage, “No. These are happy tears. I…I love you, Castiel, and would be honored to be your mate.” You said giving him the one and finale access to make your his forever.

Castiel’s eye’s widen and catch fire, the electricity in the room surges before he swallows and takes a slow, cleansing breath. And his wing's shifted.

''There is no going back after this, Y/n, ” he cautioned. “This is not a human marriage that can be broken by legality or even death. Once you are mine, there is no one else for me. Are you sure you wish to do this?” He asked once more, making you roll your eyes.

You didn't care about his past or what he did to the people, well besides Charlie, Ketch had what was coming to him, for torturing Mary. So with a smile she nodded.

''There is already no one else for me but you,” you reply to the angel, quietly but surely. “I’m sure.”

Castiel’s eyes begin to glow unnaturally bright. That’s the last thing you notice before your swept into another long, intoxicating kiss. He holds you tight against him, as if he can’t get close enough as his lips work over yours at a bruising pace. You grip him back and give just as good as you get, tugging roughly at his hair as your tongue duels with his. Cas lets out a low, rumbling groan and then suddenly let's you go making you furrow your eyebrows.

''I can’t be gentle,” he growls against you, his teeth nibbling on your lower lip. “Not now. I promise I wont hurt you, so please don’t fear me but I can’t hold back. The burn of you…it’s too much…”

“I know,” you sooth, running your hands up and down his back and feeling his muscles tense under your touch. “It’s the mating cycle…I love you Castiel, that means all sides of you. I know you wont hurt me. Please,” you lean up and nibble at his jaw encouragingly, “let me see you.”

He groans and takes possession of your lips once more. Despite the passion in his kisses, you can still tell he’s holding back. You can feel it in the tenseness of his shoulders, in the way his fingers flex against your hips, and you sigh, frustrated, into the kiss. You want to see him at his wildest. If you are going to be his mate, then he should be comfortable with you seeing this side of himself.

So, you decided to take matter into your own hands. Rolling the angel onto his back so you straddled his waist, you smirked, before looking at his wing's which were stretched out behind you. Before you suddenly got off Castiel, as well as the bed.

''Don't run,'' Castiel pleaded, wing's trying to reach you. ''You don't understand if you run, I wont be able to hold myself back, my true-form from taking you.''

You smirked and just stood there, avoiding his wings. Before you started to slowly undress before the angel which made his eyes widen slightly, and his wing's curl. As soon as you were down to nothing but your bra and panties you smirked.

''Why would I run, I have everything I could ever dream right here.'' You teased, before taking a single finger and sticking it into your panties and into your dripping lower lips. ''As well as my perfect, strong, warrior of God, Angel, Mate.' Slowly you brought your finger out from your panties and tasted yourself, moaning at your taste.

Suddenly the air in the room shifted again, and you fond yourself pinned to the bed once more. This time with Castiel looking down at you primal and lovingly, his wing's covering you once more. You watched as he looked down at your soaked through panties and the small smirk after, as he kissed down from your neck, to your breast, stomach and finally to where you wanted him.

''You smell,'' He sniffed, inhaling your wonderful scent, which turned him on even more. ''Wonderful, I wonder how it tastes.'' Your eyes widened at his words. where the hell did Castiel learn them.

''Castiel, where did you-'' You were cut off as you suddenly felt his tongue take a long lick of your pussy, making you moan out, and clutch his hair, which was now messed with beyond repair. It reminded you of his otherself's hair when you met him at the barn. ''Cas,'' You moaned his name.

The angel growled, not stopping his licking, the taste of you too much for him to resist. You watched as your angel continued tasting you and eating you out, hoping to make you organism first it would seem. That's when you noticed the large bulge in his tight pants, and decided to return the favor, and as Castiel continued to eat you out, you began stroking him through his pants.

Suddenly his wing's shook, and you smirked, as he moaned, which vibrated causing you to moan in response. Before you felt your organism starting to come, and clutched harshly on Castiel's hair. Squeezing your eyes closed in raw pleasure, never have been pleasured like this before. Well to be honest never

''I-I'm going to cum!'' You warned, and Castiel sped up his assualt, enjoying your pleasure, and knowing he was the cause of it. ''Ahhh!'

''Come, come on my tongue, my mate.'' Castiel ordered, as he opened his tongue waiting for your juices. ''Come!'' he said once more, this time using some of his grace to help. Which made you jump a little wondering what the hell that was, but you moaned as you came, and onto Castiel's face.

You blushed furiously, as Castiel looked back at you covered in your juices. But you blushed when he began to whip it off and eat it. ''Like I said, delicious taste.'' Castiel smirked, before he hovered over you again. And you noticed him look at your bra ready to tend to your breasts. But you wanted to give him pleasure too, so with a wicked grin, you pinned the angel under you, making him grunt.

''Y-Y/n what are you doing?'' Castiel asked, you ignored his question as you rolled off the bed, and then motioned him to sit on the edge of it which he did without ask, until you suddenly knelt down and began undoing his pants, and releasing his throbbing cock, and your eyes widened at his size, and you knew he was going to hurt going in but you didn't care, but Castiel frowned. ''Y/n what are you doing, you don-Oh father!''

You smirked, as the angel screamed as you licked the head, where pre-cum had already built up. And then you pulled his pants down with the angels help, while the angel took off his other attire so he was ass naked in front of you. And he had also taken off your bra, and frowned at the marks he saw, but kissed every single one, while giving your breasts attention.

When you looked into his eyes, they color's were, replaced with his lust-blown pupils. You watched him as you wrapped your lips around his manhood.

“Y/N,” he hissed, leaning his head back. “Oh—” You swirled your tongue around the head, before taking all of him in. “Fuck, that feels so good.” Castiel's fingers tangled in your hair, gripping it just a little too hard. You allowed him to control your pace, moving your head loosely. “Oh, fuck.”

Suddenly before he could cum, he pulled your mouth off him and you whined missing the taste. Until Castiel, gently led you back down to the bed, and you laid down, and the angel your soon to be mate, hovered over you, and you blushed noticing him cupping himself and giving it a slow pump.

You were nervous, but at least you had told Castiel you were a virgin one night after a truth or dare game. And so was he, yet he seemed experienced.

''Are you ready my mate?'' He asked, and you nodded, even though you were scared out of your wits by how big and wide he was, he was going to rip you open. As if sensing your worries, Castiel kissed you lips, and nuzzled your cheek, whispering how much he loved you. ''I'll go slow, I promise.''

You nodded swallowing, before Castiel kissed your forehead. And before you knew it, you could feel him start to enter you, and as he had promised, slow, and maybe a little too slow. You instantly whimpered in pain, and wiggled underneath him, tears running down your face. Castiel was in heaven, to feel you so wrapped tightly to him. But he stopped all he was doing when he heard your cry of pain.

His wing's instantly covered the two shielding you from view, not wanting anyone to see you. You were his, and his alone. And he used both his arms to wrap around you and hold you to his chest, as you whimpered, your face nestling into his chest. While his chin rested on your head.

''I-'m, sorry.'' He whispered, angry at himself for hurting you again. ''A-Are you alright?''

To answer his question, and not taking the pain anymore. You used both your legs to pull him even deeper, making the angel protest in worry and groan, until his hips connected to yours, fully inside you. You gasped, embracing his arm's holding you to his chest, and the beating of his vessel's heart.

''Yeah, hurts, and sorry about that.'' you giggled a little, while the angel glared at you in mock anger, before giving you a toothy wide grin, before you suddenly rolled your hips, wincing a little, while he cursed and moaned. ''The pain isn't as bad as before, I think It's starting to ease up, move, my mate.''

Castiel's eyes glowed at the word mate, before he slowly started to move. Instantly you both groaned, as a surge of pleasure rushed through you both. Castiel felt so good, he was so big, but you felt more full than you could have ever imagined. Full of cock.

“Mine. Mine,” his mantra continues in time with his thrusts.

His turgid manhood presses against hot spots inside you that you didn’t even know you had. It’s as if he was made specifically for you.

“Oh, fuck….Castiel…!” you cry out, your voice accompanied by clapping sounds of your bodies writhing against each other.

Your pussy walls begin to flutter in preparation for what you know will be a world shattering orgasm. Castiel seems to sense this too, and begins to pick up his pace, growling as he scrapes his teeth over the back of your neck. The hand on your hip traces down, fingernails scratching at you, until they brush over your clit; teasing at the bundle of nerves relentlessly.

You throw your head back and howl as you cum again, your hands fisting and tearing  at the bed sheets . You feel your walls constrict almost painfully tight around your angel’s cock, your juices leaking out and smearing over the inside of your thighs as Cas continues to thrust ruthlessly in and out of you.

He laces one hand with yours, the other once again bracing himself above you.

Suddenly you feel something like a giant ball forming inside you. And you slightly panicked, until Castiels wing's wrapped around you trying to ease your worry. While Castiel nuzzled his face into your neck, licking it. As something started to grow and it made his cock grow even bigger, making you gasp. Not in pain, well not really but in confusion.

Castiel looked at her, and licked her neck once more, before changing they're position so she was laying on her side and he was behind her. ''It's my knot,'' He explained, as if reading her thoughts, as his thrusts turned even harder. ''It's tying within you.''

You whimpered, as the knot stretched you. Quickly you kissed Castiel, and he carcassed your thigh, just groaning in each other's mouths as the knot popped, and suddenly Castiel pulled away, looking at your neck, you were about ask what was wrong. But yelled in pleasure and pain as he bite your neck, blood pouring from it..

And the lights in the room shattered, as well as all the window's, mirrors, and anything breakable broke. As Castiel screamed, and you saw a bright light, just before he grunted and spilled his warm, inviting seed into your womb. Before he slumped back, chest heaving and wing's still underneath you.

And then the both of you laid there panting in each other's arm's waiting for Castiel's knot to grow small. So, he could clean you, and the trashed room, you were surprise no one could hear you. After at least fifteen to ten minutes later the knot went down, and Castiel gently pulled out, and you whimpered missing him in you already. But he smirked, and kissed your neck, where his bite mark was.

Before he stood from the bed, and almost chuckled at what he, well his true-form did to the hotel. So, with a flick of his wrist he fixed everything,  and even, healed the pain and stopped the blood from his bite mark. Before he crawled back on the bed, kissing you before laying down once more, and pulling you face first into his chest, his wings wrapping around you once more, as his chin rested on your head.

''Thank you, Y/n.'' He whispered softly, arms wrapped around you protectively as well as his wings. ''You have given me what I've always wanted, a mate. Someone to love me for me.''

You felt your heart strings pull, and you hummed softly. Before placing a hand onto his chest, before gently playing with the hair on him. Smirking as he chuckled a bit, hu? a ticklish little angel, you stopped and he smiled before kissing you and you kissed back before you placed your head onto his chest.

''Goodnight, Mate.'' You whispered, closing your eyes.

Castiel smiled. ''Goodnight, my love, my beloved, my mate.'' He whispered, kissing your mark. Before falling asleep himself something he had learned. But his wing's never rested, as they guarded his mate.

(Morning After)

It was about 7:00 am when you groaned awake, still tiered and sore, well mostly you. From your sexual activities last night, and you didn't regret it, you were his now forever.

''Morning, Cas.'' You smiled, but frowned when he was still asleep beside you. ''Mate, wake up? We have to go the bunker.'' You whispered, and all the angel did was growl and pull you closer. You didn't want to sleep in, you had to go to the bunker.

After another failed try, you suddenly had a wicked idea and used one of your hand's to trail down, until you were grabbing his length, and instantly you began to quickly stroke him. Instantly earning moans and groans from the angel. ''Y/n.'' He moaned, and you smirked, he was having a dream about you.

You quickened your hand, and suddenly the angels eyes snapped open, and before you knew it, he pounced and pinned you to your side, so he was behind you again, and nuzzled your bite mark, before he kissed you.

''Good morning, my beloved.''  He smirked, as he thrust inside you quickly, causing you to moan. Before he quickened his thrusts and your were screaming out in pure pleasure. When suddenly the door to the hotel was kicked in, making you jump in shock. While Castiel growled eyes blue, wing's flaring at whoever decided to come in on him and his mate.

And he has his hand raised to use his grace. But you stopped him just in time. As you it was only, Sam and Dean. With instinct Castiel covered you with one of his wing's, while Sam and Dean just looked on, mouth's gaped open, and an awkward silence.

''Well, uh, we found him,'' Sam laughed nervously, rubbing his neck, avoiding eye contact. ''And this time not trying to kill someone's brain.''

Dean however had another reaction. His eyes looked murderous as he looked at his sister, naked with the dark version of his best friend. ''What the hell, Y/N?!'' He yelled, making you flinch, while Castiel watched on his wing shaking. ''I told you no one night-''

''T-this, wasn't a one night stand.'' Castiel replied, as he kissed your head making you smile widely, before he turned to face Dean. ''Me and Y/n, are in human word's married, but in angel word, mated for eternity.''

You would never forget the look on Dean's face as your mate, husband, oh what the hell. Husband it was, explained, and Dean had tried to get to you but Castiel flared his wings growling. And then you had calmed him. Until Dean calmed down, with the help from Sam, who didnt want castiel angry.

''So, uh, did you have protection?'' Dean asked, and suddenly the color on your face paled. While Castiel raised a confused eyebrow. Earning him a glare. ''You know, birth control, condom's!?'' He yelled, and You looked down at your stomach.

''I-I had my angel blade,'' Castiel replied with a smile, his wing's returning to cover you up. ''So I don't see why we have to worry.'' Dean's face turned pale, as did yours and Sams. And that's when everything hit you. but you couldn't get pregnant on the first try with an angel, could you? So with deep breaths you began to speak.

''N-No, We-'' You tried but Dean, held up a firm hand, glaring dangerously at the two of you, before , he looked like he was going to march over and take you again which made Castiel growl a little which pleased you as you felt the rumble in his chest, as his wing's slightly rose until.

''Son-of-a-bitch!'' Dean screamed, grabbing the lamp and throwing it accidentally towards you and Castiel, it was meant to hit the angel. but the vase hit you right in the center of your forehead, knocking you out cold.

''Dean! What the hell dude!'' Sam exclaimed horror and anger laced in every word. as he went instantly to your side, but Castiel's growl and eyes told him not too close. He could handle Sam, since Sam wasn't the one to lose his temper and hurt people.

''Damn it.'' Dean hissed, eyes laced with horror, guilt and concern, as well as tears for hurting his only sister. ''S-Sam, is she alright?'' He asked, running a hand over his ,mouth and down his chin.

''Shit.'' Sam replied, as he gently grazed a thumb over your new cut that would probably need stitches, but with a version of Castiel here it would just need to be healed. He was just about to ask just that when, Castiel eyes glowing dangerous blue, and his wing's flaring, still but naked, growled like a predator does to it's prey, slammed the unsuspecting Winchester against the wall, teeth bared, eyes alight with craziness.

''What?! are you crazy?!'' Dean exclaimed, before being thrown against the opposite side of the room. While Sam tended to you.

''YOU.HURT.MY.MATE!'' He all but growled, before walking over and delivering a solid and good punch to the older Winchester's jaw, which made Dean moan in pain. ''YOU HURT YOUR OWN SISTER!-'' Castiel threw him again, making blood start to pour out of the Winchester's mouth. ''And you think you have a right after what you've done to call me a monster.''

Before the Winchester could do anything, he suddenly felt a hand wrapped around his throat, almost making his green eyes bulge out of their sockets. As the raged and over protective angel raised him off the ground strangling him, with no remorse whatsoever. And Dean knew he deserved this. Even if he hated this darker version of his friend, he had hurt his sister. He let his anger of this castiel possibly getting his sister pregnant with the next nephliem get the best of him.

''I-Im'' Dean chocked on his own words, as the angel's grip tightened around his neck. Eyes flashing blue once more, wing's blocking You and Sam from view.

''Don't speak, you hairless ape.'' Castiel hissed, in his German accent, his lips twitching as he did so. ''You hurt her, just because of our love making, and so I must punish you for harming my mate-'' Castiel thought some ideas, until a good one came up. ''Oh, I know the perfect one-'' Suddenly his leather gloves were on his hand, as well as the clothes he wore when he tortured people. ''I'm going to make your mind into nothing.''

Dean's eyes widened having heard stories of how painful, and how humans didn't survive the torture and sometimes they did but they weren't the same after. ''Please dont.'' He begged, tears in his eyes, as he continued to choke him.

Castiel smirked, ''Sorry but you've left me no choice-'' Castiel's eyes glowed, as he let go of Dean throat and moved to place his hands on his head. ''Dean Winchester, you. will. suffer, for ever hurting my beloved.''

Sam watched with wide eyes, as Castiel placed his hands on Dean's head, and leaned down so he was eye level with the Winchester.

''Castiel! Don't!''

To be Continued....