#if anyone has a copy i don’t even need subtitles honestly

[purgatorily]

so ernst umhauer was in a tiny little 2014 short film adaptation of sir gawain and the green knight you say……

[morganaseren]

3, 5, 25. Sorry to hear about your allergies. I understand, as someone who's currently suffering from hay fever. Hey at least spring is in the air!

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

I... would like to say that my writing style makes any type of sense, but that would be an unfortunate lie. :P

As OtSttCA’s written now, it’s chronological in terms of how I set up the chapters, but the various scenes I have within those chapters never occur chronologically. I could have something that could wind up in the next chapter or two, but then I’ll end up with another idea an hour later for a scene that probably won’t even take place until toward the very end of the story. I basically just cherry-pick which ones just seem to fit well together. Lol.

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing

That would probably be Sera. Lol.

For those whom don’t know, English is my second language, so the first time I encountered Sera, I found it difficult to properly understand her even with the subtitles on because her way of speaking is so distinct compared to any other companions we’ve had.

Truthfully, I let her join the Inquisition in my very first run, but I otherwise left her on the sidelines the entire time except to do her loyalty mission. When I was looking for a new party to accompany one of my other Inquisitors, I took her along, and I managed to really enjoy her company. Major kudos to Sera’s VA for bringing her to life and making her such a memorable character!

Honestly, when I first started writing OtSttCA, I wasn’t entirely certain that I could do Sera justice, but since she’s definitely one of Niamh’s friends, I felt I at least had to try. There’s a sort of chaotic playfulness to her, and I try to play to that sense whenever I focus on her perspective. Hopefully, I’ve done so convincingly. :P

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

How about I spoil you with a future OtSttCA scene instead? :) I quite like the dialogue I wrote here between Leliana and Morrigan.

---

“You assumed as much as that old woman did.”

“Wynne?” Leliana questioned, watching as Morrigan placed her tome on the bench next to her, likely realizing the conversation between them was one that required her complete attention.

“Yes. She mistook our relationship to be more than what it was. She said I...” A dark head canted somewhat, likely recalling an older memory. “...smiled more when it came to Niamh, and that was—is—true. I have always valued my friendship with her even when I told her that I would not always prove worthy of it. It became truth when I left you all to that final battle alone. While I was not as close to Saoirse as I was to Niamh, I grew to greatly respect her as a leader. I did not wish to see her die when something could be done to prevent it, but when she refused...”

Morrigan merely allowed her words to trail off with an almost soundless sigh, and Leliana found that she finally had an answer to an older mystery that had plagued her for years. Following Saoirse’s death, a bitter part of her had believed Morrigan had left to suit her own needs. A matter of survival. She hadn’t even considered the notion that Morrigan had played a part in trying to save Saoirse, only leaving when her offer had been rebuffed.

“Alas, I did not think Niamh would venture off alone after that,” Morrigan admitted, “and by the time I thought to look for her, she had already scattered every trace of herself to the winds. Yet, despite it all, she honors me more than I can say that she would allow our friendship to continue again when we were so long apart from one another.”

“And?” Leliana pressed, but the response she received was brief, airy laughter accompanied by amusement that tinged the deep violet of the other woman’s lips as they lifted up into an almost imperceptible smile.

“‘Tis truly just friendship, Leliana, but perhaps in another life, another time...” Slim shoulders shrugged themselves. “In this one, however, she has always wanted you. Niamh is in love with you to a degree that anyone would be envious of, but she lives in a world that constantly undervalues her, and ‘tis cruel enough to never let her forget that fact. Is it truly any wonder she feels so unworthy of you?”

Leliana’s brows rose. “Surely, she can’t believe that.”

“Are you so certain? Even from her late mentor, she was taught duty superseded all else; thus, she learned she had to sacrifice her personal desires for the sake of others. She is not like you and I, where we can freely commit misdeeds in the dark for the sake of the greater good. As powerful as she is, she is still as tied to her honor as Saoirse was. She will not consider stealing you away from even a memory of her sister, and so she will not ask you to ever consider this for her sake, Leliana. She would never be so selfish as to demand that you give up your ambitions for her. Thus, if a turning point is to be made, it must be initiated by you.”

[forthisone]

Nick & June tag game

I’m late to the party but I found this and I wanted to answer these questions, so here we are. Sorry, I copied and pasted the questions a while ago and now I can’t remember who to credit. My answers are behind the Read more.

1. What’s your favorite Nick x June scene?

2. At what point while watching the show did you realize you were invested in their relationship?

3. If you hadn’t already read the book and knew they would be a thing. When did you say “Oh yeah, something is going to happen with these two?” Or were you kinda caught of guard?

4. What do you think their relationship means to them? For June and Nick as individuals?

5. What was your reaction when it was revealed June was pregnant with Nick’s baby?

6. What do you think their relationship brings to the show overall? And what are some of the things you love most about their relationship?

7. The nursery scene. Discuss.

8. Favorite June moment on the show.

9. Favorite Nick moment on the show.

10. What scene of theirs do you feel is a bit underrated?

Bonus: Is June cheating on Luke?

1. What’s your favorite Nick x June scene?

So hard to pick. But I think it’s when June tells Nick she is pregnant. His reaction is almost so unexpected (especially in this show) and you see a switch flip in his mind. He goes from pushing her away and being guarded, to fully embracing his feelings for her and the baby in a split second. The look on his face when he says “What?” breaks me and then he sinks down to her and nestles into her. You can see him thinking like “Fuck, I’m so sorry for pushing you away. But I’m here now.” It is just so refreshing to see some affection in this world of horror. He gives June back some hope and some fight too in that scene as I think she is pretty broken mentally with the thought of facing a pregnancy alone. And like someone I reblogged said in a post recently… he sees Serena watching them, and he doesn’t even flinch. YES, NICK.

2. At what point while watching the show did you realize you were invested in their relationship?

I watched Seasons 1 & 2 in a matter of days so it is all a bit of a blur. But I remember a scene that stood out to me when I first watched it was the kiss in 2.07 at the hospital. When Nick says he won’t let anything happen to June and she replies “What about you?” and Nick’s just left speechless and looks overcome and then kisses her, I was gone. I loved it because, to me, it’s him finally getting some real acknowledgement from her that she really does care about him and he’s, like, overcome by that feeling because he hasn’t felt like he means something to anyone in so long. There’s a glimmer of it in the previous episode where she says “I think about [the three of us] too” and “I can’t lose you, do you hear me?” but she’s still quite cold with him, after he tells her he loves her. But in the “What about you?” moment she finally gives in to what she’s feeling and he feels it and it really got me emotionally.

The other moment was probably the scene in 1.10 which I spoke about in my previous answer.

3. If you hadn’t already read the book and knew they would be a thing. When did you say “Oh yeah, something is going to happen with these two?” Or were you kinda caught of guard?

I hadn’t read the book but I have now! Again, it was all a blur when I binge-watched so I can’t totally remember. For some reason, I think I didn’t fully realise how close they get in their scene where he brings her the ice. I don’t think I watched that scene properly; if I had, I think it would have been then. I think I kind of felt something from their very first episode though, in the sense of their first scene (about tuna) being played as if Nick was filling the “love interest”/ eye-candy role (he’s a lot more than that of course but that’s what I clocked at the start). And them staring at each other in the garden, him watching from the stairs, I was definitely intrigued.

And yeah, the sex scene was fiiiiire. So that too. But I guess it was pretty obvious by that point.

4. What do you think their relationship means to them? For June and Nick as individuals?

For Nick, I think it gives him a glimmer of hope, which he hasn’t felt in a long time. He finally has a purpose. He’s been alone for so long and finally he has something in his life that means something to him again.

For June, Nick gives her a much-needed escape from this hell that she is in. He gives her a safe haven. He looks out for her. He helps her to survive. We’ve seen in Season 3 how she isn’t coping without love to ground her in this awful place.

5. What was your reaction when it was revealed June was pregnant with Nick’s baby?

Well, I talked about the actual scene above. So I’ll talk about some other stuff around this...

At first, I was not totally sure why it was just assumed it was Nick’s and any thought of it being Waterford’s was dismissed. I understand why Serena and June think that and want to believe it, but I didn’t understand the 100% confidence as it’s never actually confirmed; it’s not like they do a DNA test. Obviously, as a Nick/June shipper I fully accept that he is Holly’s father and I don’t doubt it, but I just felt like that was handled a bit oddly.

I do also wish we knew how much time passed between Episode 5 (when they started having sex) and Episode 10 (when the pregnancy is revealed). I’d like to know when the baby was actually conceived because I’m weird about knowing details and overly invested. I’ve thought too much about this, but I’m assuming too much time passes for it all to be within one month, personally I think it’s more likely conceived around Episode 8 before Nick breaks it off. I wonder what Serena actually thought about this, because if it’s impossible it was conceived in Episode 5 when she was in the apartment with them (because too much time has passed), then she must realise that they’ve been sleeping together without her knowledge. If so I assume the reason she doesn’t say anything (ie. have Nick killed) is because she doesn’t want the parentage of the baby to be questioned; she wants it to be seen to be Waterford’s and “rightfully hers” in the eyes of Gilead. Or whatever bullshit. Unless Serena arranged for them to sleep together for more than just that first time. But my shipper brain doesn’t like to contemplate that and I think June confirms this when she says in a V.O. “So I’ve gone back to Nick, time after time, on my own.”

6. What do you think their relationship brings to the show overall? And what are some of the things you love most about their relationship?

God, what don’t I love about their relationship?

It’s pretty obvious to me that what their relationship brings to the show is a consensual, loving relationship in a world built around the systematic abuse of women. It’s light in the darkness. Love as an act of defiance. Comfort.

I love how their relationship started off as a flirtation, which then grew into sex and June taking back her sexuality, then they both realise how hard they are falling for each other, then there is a BABY, and what started off as this flirtation is just such a powerful force now (or, was, before he disappeared from Season 3). I love how Nick has gone from this pawn in Gilead with a pretty empty existence to someone who loves this woman so much he will literally do anything for her, even if it’s negating his own self-preservation, as Max said. It shows the power of love.

And another thing that sets them apart for me is their frankly ridiculous chemistry and how hot their kissing and/or love scenes are. Consent, tick. Female empowerment, tick. Fucking hot, tick.

7. The nursery scene. Discuss.

It was a beautiful, beautiful, touching scene. And the subtitles, with Nick whispering “Hey, sweetie” and “You’re really cute” were adorable to me.

I love it but it also scares me that it might be the only truly happy moment they ever get. I am worried the writers gave us that because they knew they were just going to rip it all away somewhere down the line.

As with almost all their scenes, it’s not June telling him she loves him that gets me but Nick’s reaction to it. And also the way he smiles and looks at his new daughter. Honestly, Max is amazing in this show and just needs so much more recognition than he gets.

8. Favorite June moment on the show.

Wow, that’s hard. I think it might be in 1.06 when she has the tremendous courage to tell the Mexican ambassador the truth about her reality in Gilead. And she says “Please, don’t be sorry. Do something.” She was awesome in that moment.

9. Favorite Nick moment on the show.

This is even harder because I literally adore him. Apart from the scenes I’ve already mentioned....

2.09 - his selflessness in this episode is just beyond words, both in the scene with Luke and the scene with June. The way he can’t even bear to look at her as he tells her that Luke loves her and always will and he turns away because his heart is literally breaking, but he still tells her anyway because he’s a good fucking man. God. Max kills it in this scene (they both do, to be fair).

2.12 - the scene with him and Eden in the locker room is heart-breaking and it shows that he’s not only a good person when it comes to June, which I think is important. His relationship with Eden is such a difficult one. As horrific a situation as he was in, as much as he was forced into the marriage, she was innocent and he could have been a lot kinder to her in their conversations in the apartment, but I think the fact that he acknowledges this and asks for her forgiveness, means a lot to her (especially in this patriarchal system) and she forgives him, and she is able to get some closure and peace from that admission before she dies. I think it’s an important scene for Nick’s character and very well acted by both Max and Sydney, so it deserves a mention for me.

10. What scene of theirs do you feel is a bit underrated?

All of their scenes are so amazing, I’m not sure if any is underrated by their fans.

Their scene in 2.03 at the Globe is maybe one. Nicks telling her she may be leaving soon, and it’s better for everyone if she goes. He’s essentially trying to convince her that it’s ok for to leave, even without Hannah, but also without him. Even though it means they’ll probably never see each other again. He does it because he wants her safe. Even though he will lose her.

And the way she hugs him at the end... she knows this may be goodbye. She closes her eyes and leans into him.

Also June’s V.O. at the beginning of 1.08 because it’s showing how much Nick is starting to mean to her and occupy the same mental space as Luke does. “I want to know him, memorise him, so I can live on the image later. I should have done that with Luke, because he’s fading…”

And maybe the cassette scene in 3.05. I don’t think it’s underrated by Nick/June fans, because we’ve clung to all we can this season, but maybe by other fans who don’t appreciate the significance in showing that June loves Nick enough to tell Luke about him, even though it may mean the end of her relationship with Luke. Leading me on to the last question...

Bonus: Technically speaking, June’s relationship with Nick can be classified as an affair because she’s married to another man. Do you see their relationship as June cheating given the unique situation they are in? Or do you feel because of the circumstance they are in, it’s a grey area and as such it’s unfair to classify it as straightforward as June is cheating?

I have rewritten this answer a couple of times. It’s a difficult question. If I put myself in Luke’s shoes? If I found out that my husband, even though he knew I was alive, was still sleeping with and had fallen in love with another woman? And that finding out I was alive hadn’t stopped him doing it? Then, yeah, I’d feel like he was being unfaithful. If I’m honest. I may not blame him, but it would still hurt.

But, the key for me with them is this: to me, cheating implies you are lying to the other person. Crucially, because of the situation June is in, separated from him for years, she doesn’t have the opportunity to tell him the truth. And, actually, when she does have that opportunity (the cassette tape), she does tell him. Straight away. Which is huge. So she’s not lied to him. And that for me means this can’t be classed as cheating. She didn’t choose to be separated from Luke. She was lonely for years, thought he was dead for years, and then she grabbed a chance at love and she fell in love with someone who loves her so much he’d die for her. It’s not like it’s just a fling. Is she just meant to be alone in this hell indefinitely?

[noorasaetre-trash]

I watched Drück (Skam Germany) season 2 and it left me completely cold

Okay so i was going through another Skam marathon and I haven’t really had the urge to watch the international remakes before, but now I felt like I wanted to watch Skam, but I didn’t want to watch what I’ve already seen a thousand times. So I had seen quite a lot of Drück on my dash before and that’s what I decided to go with. I couldn’t find season 1 of Drück with english subs on youtube, so I decided to start with season 2 since it’s not like I don’t know what has happened in season 1. Seasons 2 and 3 have always been my favourite ones and if I absolutely had to pick I might even choose season 2 over season 3, but the German version... I wanted to like it, but honestly it left me feeling really empty. This might end up being a really long post but here’s what I didn’t like about it.

First of all I feel like this show lacked personality. It was like a hollow copy of the original. And oh how much the characters lacked personality!! Like Noora (I’m going to use the og Skam names, because I can’t remember the new ones) was this anxious mom character? All of her original playfulness was gone I think and with that so was her chemistry with William. William too was so empty. He didn’t have any of that fuckboy charisma in him and he certainly did not seem like the king of the school. To me he actually seemed like a creepy lonely kid - not the William vibe at all. Also why did he lie about his sister living in Bali - as if he would date Noora and even in twenty years time he’d be like oh yeah she’s living her life in Bali but doesn’t want to meet you so sucks to be you but she’s alive for sure. He would’ve never gotten away with such a lie it was stupid.

But the character I’m really disappointed in is Sana... Noora and Sana are my two absolute favourite characters in this series but I felt nothing towards Sana. All of her badass traits and honesty were gone. She had completely lost her essential Sananess. It’s ok to change the characters somewhat and for example make Sana a bit softer but this.. If I had to describe Sana based on this representation, all I could tell you is how she looks and that she works at deliveroo. And why is it such a secret? And what’s the point of her working there other than that she happens to be delivering the food when Noora is on a date with William? And the speech about her parents thinking a job like that was beneath them because they are doctors - such bullshit makes the parents seem really annoying and snobbish. As if a high school student could practice medicine or law like hello that’s the kind of shitty jobs they do. 

Also Chris, did she even say anything during the series? It felt like they just had her hanging around because there were five girls in the original, but she didn’t add anything to the story. Didn’t really like Eskild or Linn too much either. The only character who had any gumption in her was Vilde but she managed to be even more annoying than the original. I’ve always been a bit Vilde supporter but I just couldn’t stand behind this one. And the breast surgery?? Like wtf that was too much. 

And the boys, I found it hard to keep up with them. I knew which one was Jonas but the rest of them were just a big mess. Who was the boy Vilde got together with? Did they introduce Magnus a season earlier or was he a different character? Was there p-Chris? Were there any of William’s friends? I now know which one was Isak because I’ve watched the season 3 clips which have come out (or the ones I’ve found at least) but honestly I’m not feeling that either. Doesn’t anyone even notice that Isak seems to be pretty severely depressed? Tbh his character seems quite dull but maybe I’d feel different had I seen season 1 of Drück. I’m going to give season 3 a chance, at least until we meet Even but so far I’m not into it. 

Honestly I hardly finished the season 2. If this had been a whole new series I would’ve stopped probably after two episodes, but I really wished the series would get better but it didn’t. I didn’t feel any excitement or anything really and it’s my favourite season and favourite ship but I felt nothing.

I feel like this series just lacked the real feeling of Skam and a lot of the dialogue seemed pretty forced and scripted. I speak Swedish so well that when I watched OG Skam I didn’t need subtitles to go with it. I speak a tiny bit of German but not enough to understand it so I did need the subtitles. I hate subtitles because I feel like lot of the nuances can be lost through them which is why I pay so much more attention to things like body language and the way people say things to understand it better and honestly it all just seemed a bit fake.

Well here’s my rant about the subject, feel free to enter the conversation whatever your opinion might have been on this. It would be interesting to hear wether I’m alone in my opinion and why you think it’s good or maybe you felt the same way I did. Let me know what you guys thought! I also started to watch the NL Skam and that one was a whole different story! I felt so much more invested in it and absolutely loved all the characters and can’t wait for more, but I might make another post about that later on.

[protagonistheavy]

If you've got four minutes, just go ahead and commit yourself to watching the Dark Team cutscenes from Sonic Heroes. There's countless little details I love about this. You have Rogue checking her nails while a door opens but she's wearing gloves. All the narrative we're given is that Rogue is looking for Eggman's secret treasure, and this must be where it is. That's all they could bother themselves to get you hooked into this story. There's Omega shooting in circles only vaguely around Shadow, really implying he's just half-assing it. Omega's motivation is just that he's mad at Eggman, there's no other depth to this character. Shadow shakes his head all edgy and snootily but he just looks like an ashamed dog. But this theme song? Unironically it's the only thing that remained as awesome as I once remembered it as an 11 year-old. Rogue, in what I can only imagine is in a censored drunken stupor, calls out Team Chaotix for being creeps, completely unprovoked, as if she's been carried into an ihop at 3 am by Shadow and Omega who never even got a chance to drink and just had to hassle the other table. Omega, remaining true to character, adds much to the scene by shaking his claws angrily at the fake Eggman. There's a Shadow robot in the rubble for a reason I'm not sure ever got explained. Metal Sonic appears and can apparently copy abilities now, quickly applying some spookier plot element out of no where. You really start to wonder what kind of personal standard the directors behind these cutscenes had for themselves. Rogue really has a thing about people getting in her way, I feel like that phrase now just makes Shadow and Omega flinch from flashbacks. "Hey, isn't that SONIC" at no point did someone hear this audio and get a jarring feeling because they were expecting them to say almost any other name BESIDES Sonic? "Talk about being stubborn and full of surprises?" What the fuck conversation does Sonic think is going on? I'm not convinced he didn't just blank out for a bit and didn't hear what anyone said but realized it was his turn to talk and awkwardly shat that out. We get another fist shake from Omega, just in case we forgot if he's angry or not. If you haven't noticed this is my favorite cutscene of them all. Shadow inexcusably acts as what can only be described as homosexual for what appears to be no other reason than that he is just that kind of dramatic gay. And why in the world does Sonic say that's his line? When have we ever, ever known Sonic to say "it will be a date to die for?" Was that really going to be his next line? I honestly think he expected Shadow to say something completely different but he already committed to his joke. Last detail here: gotta love the generic swoosh sound effect that plays when Shadow and Sonic jump at each other. Rogue begins a new scene as the bitch she is by dramatically stomping away. Omega's furthest character development is established as having learned more hand gestures. Rogue walks halfway into a hallway before realizing what she's been surrounded by. "You know about cloning, the original must exist somewhere." Omega, baby boy, we don't need the original to be alive in order to clone it. You yourself do not know about cloning it seems. But gotta love Rogue's sassy salute that truly says "shitting whatever." Guess Shadow is Australian or something this entire time, I mean, come the fuck on, did they get three different voice actors? He has has sounded completely different every scene. Whaddaya. Whaddaya? And the person writing the subtitles couldn't even make it to the end, they were right there and they just couldn't be bothered to put it in. I didn't mean to spoil anything but good god.

[judyhopps934-mt-zd]

Thoughts on Chat Blanc

Warning: Spoilers! That's all. Press Keep Reading to continue.

I honestly don’t know what happened with the original post. Well, I am copying and pasting from my last one. 

I watched the French Version with English subtitles. But I don't speak French. I then watched it in the English Dub. 

Gabriel's monologue to Emeline. Still can't believe all the trouble that he's going through to revive her.

The girls believing that today would be the day that Marinette tells Adrien how she feels to the point Alix bets on her rollerblades that she won't and Rose bets on her unicorn plushie that she will.

Everyone groaning that Marinette returned with the gift in hand was a mood. We are all too used to this fam.

But...I relate with Marinette overthinking the situation. Telling someone you love them is super hard because you fear their reaction. You fear that things will be awkward from now on. You just fear what will happen. I'm not crying you are.

Also, Adrien has a 5th name?????? What????

But what's even more interesting is Rose's ultimatum to Marinette: tell Adrien or we won't hang out with you anymore until you do. She obviously has had enough of Marinette's stalling. It definitely was not because she lost Princess Twinklepeach (her unicorn) to Alix. Slamming the picnic basket on Marinette's hand was very shocking. Like all of this is shocking. We've never seen Rose so fed up by the drama. Princess Fragrance who? This is the first time we've seen her this angry. I for some reason love it. Also, the other girls were also like "what the hell Rose???"

Everyone then chants for her, elevating self confidence.In the French Version, they chant “Marinette!”. In the English dub, its “Go!”. All rise!

She almost does it. Today was the day! She was not going to take no for an answer. But...

...Nathalie says "no". What the hell Nathalie??? And she will not tell her when Adrien comes back. I swear the universe is against Adrienette peoples.

Tikki suggests giving the gift to Adrien at school the next day, but after Rose's speech/ultimatum, Marinette is determined to get it to him today. This will be a problem later on.

Tikki sensed that Marinette would use her powers as Ladybug to give him the gift. And Marinette was overconfident that no one will notice. Oh boy...

Adrien looking at Marinette with this soft expression. He loves her for her and you can't tell me otherwise!

The whole fangirling over being in Adrien's room was the main reason why the chain of events happened, but who are we to blame. If we were in Marinette's shoes, we would most likely do the same, so let's not be too salty.

Nathalie, he was like 30 minutes late for reasons such as the award ceremony taking forever and giving Kagami a ride. Not everything has to be stuck on a rigid schedule. He's a teen. Cut him some slack.

The card was not signed, so she signed it last minute and left as soon as Adrien entered the room. Oh boy...

And Adrien once again connects the dots that Ladybug and Marinette are the same person. And also figured out that the boy Ladybug likes is himself. Adrien haters can go home. Our boy is smart. End of story.

Plagg trying to disconnect the dots and protesting the thought that Ladybug and Marinette are the same person is somewhat hilarious but understandable and relatable. We want the Love Square, but when we try to disconnecting the dots in some cases, we would do what he's doing.

What annoys me is that he knows unintentionally, but does not have to tell her he's Chat Noir. I get it, but honesty is very important.

Ladybug encounters Bunnyx, who comes to her all like "something major happened in the future that's disastrous". Its time.

As Bunnyx plays the timeline like VHS, Ladybug gets the curiosity of the Burrow. To be honest, it looks radical dude! And Ladybug, no matter how powerful she is, is still a curious teenager at heart. I like that we get to see this.

At this point, Bunnyx puts the bowl on her head to prevent her from seeing more of the timelines under the pretext of would she want to see what she gets for her next birthday.

And Bunnyx shows her the dystopian reality of Chat Blanc. All she has to do is capture the Akuma and restore order.

Boy Paris has been obliterated, as well as the moon. Oh wow.

Meanwhile, Bunnyx would be observing the events and do the best she can to prevent this from happening.

Chat singing to himself is adorable, but also bittersweet considering the circumstances. Ladybug recognizes him and he recognizes her.

She definitely is worried and he is definitely glad to see her, especially because she has the Ladybug Miraculous.

He apologizes for being rude and grabbing her earrings, but also ends up asking politely and saying that he ran into some problems.

She explains that he's akumatized and would need to be de-evilized. Then...

The most heartbreaking moment happens: Chat asks to be saved as a tear falls from his face, which Ladybug wipes away. But...

As she looks for his akuma, he starts attacking her again. Whyyyyy???

I am getting the feeling that based on his mood changes, he's conflicted on what he wants and the thoughts of wanting to be freed and wanting to fix everything are causing an inner turmoil and creating a double personality or something like that. I don't know how to word it.

As Chat Blanc goes after Ladybug, he calls her Marinette, which shocks her because how would Chat know if she never told her? Which prompts Bunnyx to do an investigation of the timeline.

Apparently, the timeline where Marinette used her Ladybug powers to give him the gift was NOT the timeline she remembered, since Future Alix had the unicorn, which she was forced to turn over on the alternative timeline.

And now we take a break for the following: Why Alix? Why did you lose hope on Marinette telling Adrien that she loves him?????? Yes, we've seen it fail every time, but we still believe (well, most of us).

Quick question: Why was Marinette's hair down when she gets to her friends? What happened to her hair ties??? Was this a stylistic choice? WE NEED ANSWERS!!!

I confirmed in the English Dub that Marinette told her friends that she was very convincing. 

Also, the way the girls shoved Marinette in front of Adrien. Very subtle.

And the moment that we've all been waiting for: Adrien's confession. He says that he realized that she meant more to him and now he understands why.

Now before you all get salty, hear me out. If you still believe that Adrien would only love Marinette because she's Ladybug, then you obviously have not taken the time to listen to the masterpiece called "Ce mur qui nous sépare" (The Wall that Separates Us) and have not read the translated lyrics if you don't speak or understand French. My point? In one of Lenni-Kim's Verses before the duet portion, he sings that he feels unfaithful to Ladybug when he thinks of her and his heart is in a duel. By "he", I mean Adrien (this is the Love Square song after all) and by "her", I mean Marinette. Adrien loves both Marinette and Ladybug, but he believed that they were two different people. Now that he knows they are the same person, it eases his mind. And if you don't believe me, rewatch Origins when Chat fell in love with Ladybug even though she messed up and look at the soft expressions that Adrien makes at Marinette through the series. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, I don't take criticism very well.

"Does this mean you like the beret?" Really Marinette??? He's confessing his love for you and you assume this is about the beret. To be honest, full mood because it feels like a dream.

Here it is folks: Adrien told Marinette he loves her. I repeat: ADRIEN TOLD MARINETTE THAT HE LOVES HER!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! (Well, it kind of is, but let me have this).

And then, ADRIENETTE KISS!!! I am the girls on this when it comes to me wanting to squeal in joy.

But somehow this is really bad to Bunnyx. Also we see super Cataclysm (which is called Mega Cataclysm in the English dub). Hmm...

But let's enjoy the Love Square for now. Adrienette hug and Chloé being infuriated. Serves you right Chloé Bourgeois.

Adrienette dance during a hangout with friends. And Luka being chill as always.

Adrienette eating André's ice cream together. Aww!

Adrienette making onto the news, where Marinette broke everyone's hearts by being with Adrien. And they attended an event together. All is right in the world as our two children are happy with each other.

Then Chat explains how everything was great until Hawkmoth found out about it all, stating that their love caused the catastrophe. Well, isn't that a little foreshadowing?

How did it happen? Well, Gabriel decided to be trash, had Nathalie go to the Dupain-Cheng bakery with him via tablet, and demands Marinette to stop seeing Adrien because she hurts the brand?????? Anyone care to storm the Agreste mansion to beat him up?? Gabriel, you do not go around and demand people to stop being happy. What the hell is wrong with you???

She did not do anything wrong and thank you Tom Dupain for being the best father in the world by defending Adrienette. He legit says Adrienette right peoples!!!

And Gabriel decides to be even more trashy by threatening to withdraw Adrien from school. DUDE- I MEAN SIR, I WILL COME TO PARIS MYSELF AND PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE FOR BREAKING THE HAPPINESS OF MY SWEET CHILDREN!

Marinette is willing to sacrifice her happiness for Adrien's freedom. Gabriel is the worst father known to the universe in any dimension! Adrien does not deserve any punishment you dole out at him, Marinette didn't do anything wrong, and you deserve to rot in hell and be thrown out of the bakery by Tom.

Tom's French voice sounds really gruff when angry. Just saying.

Gabriel is trash for making Marinette break up with Adrien. It was so hard for her to do so that she ran off. It even broke Adrien as he cried and begged Gorilla to let him go after her.

Plan? What plan Nathalie?????

Hawkmoth? Marinette being his ultimate masterpiece???? What the freaking hell is going on peoples?????? He did all that just so she can akumatize her???? ROT IN HELL GABRIEL AGRESTE!

Adrien sees the Akuma head towards Marinette and then TRANSFORMS INTO CHAT NOIR OUT IN THE OPEN TO SAVE HER. THIS IS TRUE LOVE PEOPLES AND YOU CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND!

He Cataclysms the akuma and calls her M'lady. At first she's shocked, but we get the MARICHAT HUG PEOPLES!!!

But, Nathalie sees and tells Gabriel that Adrien is Chat Noir. She looks like she is in shock and thought she would talk some sense into him. Boy was she wrong.

But what's even more disturbing: Hawkmoth/Gabriel feels no remorse about his actions. Not surprising, but still shocking. Any sympathy has dissipated for good. He uses the fact that his son is Chat Noir only so he can abuse him more. He's a monster, end of story.

Chat knows about the merging for a wish fact. He wishes to fix everything that happened so he can live happily with Marinette and even mentions the hamster. By the way, what is the hamster's name??? I WANNA KNOW!

After Ladybug attacks again to get the akuma, Chat Blanc states she doesn't listen. And she falls into the waterworld that the moon's destruction caused. The visuals of this waterworld are beautiful though.

Hawkmoth: the ever selfish piece of trash holds a defense stance, Ladybug holds a stance in which she reaches out to something. This is important later on.

The final battle with Hawkmoth leads them to Emeline's grave, in which Hawkmoth lets Adrien know that he knows his identity. And Hawkmoth decides to traumatize his dear son by showing him his mother's dead body an lets on that he is Gabriel. What the hell?????

Him asking why is just so heartbreaking. The betrayed feeling is too much. Too much that he ALMOST CATACLYSMS HIS OWN FATHER. But there's more to come.

GABRIEL! YOU DO NOT WACK YOUR SON AS IF HE WERE A BASEBALL! PEOPLES, WE NEED TO ADOPT ADRIEN RIGHT NOW!!!!

Gabriel uses manipulation to lure Adrien to help him. Saying that they will revive Emeline and that Ladybug does not love him if she refuses to give up her Miraculous. Ladybug tries to warn him of the dangers of making the ultimate wish.

Poor Chat. He's under too much pressure as his mind is at war between the greater good of Paris and his mother being revived. And that trash of Hawkmoth decides to akumatize him in the moment of his breakdown.

Adrien, can I hug you? I to some extent know how you feel regarding breakdowns. I'm so sorry that you had to go through one.

Hawkmoth gives Chat ultimate power and commands him to obey him so that they could get Ladybug's Miraculous. Heaven knows he tried to resist, but he accepted the powers of the Akuma, apologizing to Ladybug in the process.

And this even affects him even after he was akumatized. This mind battle has affected him greatly that he could not shoot Ladybug and aimed at Hawkmoth, who he couldn't shoot either. He decided to take his own life (pretty dark for a children's show, I know), but ended up destroying the moon and Paris.

Ladybug sees this and Chat Blanc explains he had no intention to, asking her to help him fix this mess. But he decides to destroy THE WHOLE DANG UNIVERSE! Because he believes Ladybug no longer loves him.

Because he triggers the end of the world, she says she will give him her Miraculous. She warms up to him, saying that he will always be Chat Noir to her even if he's Chat Blanc (I'm not crying, you're crying)...

...only for her to take the bell that he hinted to Ladybug where the Akuma is. Deakumatization Time folks!

After being deakumatized, he looks at the purified akuma. He's grateful that he's freed. And everything is freed!

But he still calls Ladybug Marinette and he's not supposed to know. If she uses Miraculous Ladybug at that moment, then he will still know that Ladybug is Marinette. Poor Chat looks deflated at the fact that he cannot know about Ladybug's identity.

But then there's the big idea to fix everything. And the hug that grants me extra life.

The eraser would be thrown at the moment of the incident because the future was the result of a mistake that she made in the past.

Ladybug knew that Adrien saw her in his room and pieced together the fact that she is Marinette because she signed the note. From there it made sense that she would not be entirely sure, but really? She thought that Adrien blabbed to someone, who started a chain of news until it was all over the news??? If only she knew.

Alix believed that Adrien told Nino, who told Alya, who posted this on the Ladyblog. At least Marinette believes in her friends.

The best kept secrets are the ones you never share. Facts. No way to worry about the cat being let out of the bag if it wasn't let out to anyone in the first place.

Ladybug shoves Ladybug out of the way. I relate to the Ladybug who is confused by what is going on and why she was shoved out of the way. And the Ladybug who saw the future erases what the other Ladybug wrote. Interesting.

Miraculous Ladybug! Everything is fixed and Bunnyx cheers on the fact that she still won the bet with Rose. Oh wow.

Ladybug's excuse for why she was in Adrien's room was very interesting. Apparently, Adrien has a Brazilian fan club who wanted the gift to be delivered today, but could not get it delivered on time with out Ladybug because of a postal strike. And claims that they are serious fans for knowing about his fifth name. I still don't get how Adrien has five names, but I think it's cool.

Plagg you cheese loving kwami. Why would anyone send cheese??? (Forgive me Plaggg, but for the most part, I hate cheese okay?) Let people send berets if they want to!

So Bunnyx knows who Ladybug is and a few other things too. Apparently, Ladybug chose Alix because she can keep secrets. Oh dang. What does Alix know in the present that we don't know?

Marinette's excuse for not giving the gift to Adrien: what happened initially with Adrien being late home. Her excuse for not having the gift: she left it at home and was going to lie, but she couldn't do it.

Also: 563rd time????? Oh boy. That's crazy, but I understand. 

Everyone is happy peoples. At least in the girl group. 

Chat singing to himself now: so sweet that I wanna hug him.

Ladybug called him over to say she did it. He has no idea what happened, but he's fine with it.

That last moment was LADYNOIR PEOPLES! Let on by Ladybug! Marinette is definitely warming up to Chat Noir! My heart can't. It's my profile pic lol.

Overall, this is the best episode this season. We got the LOVE SQUARE! Adrienette, Marichat, Ladrien, and Ladynoir in that order! Also, this episode showed us how much of a power couple the Love Square could be. However, it showed us how Gabriel Agreste is trash and the danger of a reveal before Hawkmoth's defeat. And how Adrien would feel about his father being Hawkmoth and knowing he stored his mom's body in a basement. Also, let's storm the Agreste Mansion, beat the daylights out of Gabriel, and adopt Adrien. He's our child now. And I wish the Love Square is real. Plays "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele and "Ce mur qui nous sépare".

[mostlyanything19]

Some Female Holmes&Watson

I keep being surprised how many cisswapped/genderbent/whatever-you-call-it-these-days Holmes webseries or online-based adaptations there’ve been in recent years. I thought I’d make a little masterpost of them, for myself and anyone who’s interested. FAIR WARNING: This includes my own opinions which are not always positive; don’t let that influence you if you don’t want to.

So far I’ve found:

In Hot Pursuit / По горячим следам (2013), the only one of them that is set in the Victorian Era! The costumes and scenery look amazing. There is no sound except the overlaid music, and all the dialogue is set in subtitles – a strange choice, but okay. Both the actresses for Holmes and for Watson appealed to me a lot; Watson especially. Holmes looks suitably... beautiful, but at the same time kinda unkempt? It’s neat. Her dress code and the way she does (or rather doesn’t) do her hair is subtly but noticeably unconventional for her time, and while it’s no masterpiece, this little film definitely gets a thumbs-up from me.

The Adventures of Jaime Watson (and Sherlock Holmes) is a webseries I’ve only just started to look into, but I’m rather liking it so far. There are a LOT of episodes, but they’re very short, just a few minutes each, and it follows the same format that most of the other Modern-AU webseries do: a series of webcam-videos taken by Watson, as she gets to know this weird new flatmate of hers.  I like both these girls, and a part of it I think has got something to do with how utterly normal they are. They could be any young college students you’d run across in real life, too, and I think it’s charming. The acting is solid, and the story & characters easy to get into and very likable so far! BONUS: Jaime Watson is queer and this is explicitly stated withing the first few minutes of the show. No idea about Sherlock as far as I’ve watched, but there’s a chance she might be, too. (And listen, pals and gals, if this STILL doesn’t mean that these two get together in the end, then I declare the entire pan-Holmesiana officially cursed. HUNDREDS of adaptations and not a SINGLE one--- ok I don’t wanna get off topic here). (EDIT: Ok then, it’s decided, it’s officially cursed. To be clear: Not that I mind this Sherlock being aro/ace at all. But still. C U R S E D.)

Baker Street, I watched a while ago and don’t really remember much of it, though I guess liked it well enough. It’s three episodes, following College students Sherlock Holmes and Jane Watson as they mean and start to solve crimes together. Unfortunately, this adaptation plays its cards entirely straight, which I couldn’t help but find a bit of a let-down.

Herlock.  Jonny Watts and Sheridan Hume. So... okay. (Rant incoming, you’ve been warned.) Okay, see, it wasn’t bad. But it’s... I think it’s the format maybe? Something feels wrong about the story development and pacing to me. It’s too rushed. Things which should make me feel something just don’t. When Jonny’s boyfriend accuses her for being in love with Sheridan and treats her “obsession” with her like something that’s been going on for a worryingly long amount of time when it has, in reality, barely been a few hours? When Jonny then sits there and I can see that I’m supposed to get that this is somehow true and Jonny is just denying it to herself, after one Skype conversation? It’s supposed to be all profound or something, but instead it just feels like I’m getting hit over the head with things that don’t hit home. The messages about the Evil SexismTM were way too heavy-handed. Jonny was going on my nerves very quickly. I would have appreciated her to be more grounded and steadfast, not so hyper and flustered, not so obsessed. Actually I would appreciated her to be less good at crime solving. Less useful, if you will, than she was. Which may sound strange, and I know (and DO like!) that the newer Holmes adaptations are all about the teamwork and Holmes/Watson partnership appreciation, but I feel like they missed the point. The point which is that a Watson may (and will, and should) learn about the crime solving and deduction stuff as they become more involved in it, but the initial attraction, the spark that passes, between every pair of them, every time, is made of different stuff. It’s companionship. A warmth that was missing before, and that is needed, always, more than they know. I didn’t get that feeling here. I’m mostly disappointed because I do want to support and love the different sorts of adaptations that are starting to crop up online. This one has even insinuated very clearly that they’re going for a H/W direction in the future, and not even that gets me more excited about it, and that is honestly tragic. (It also seems that there won’t be any future installments, which renders the point moot.)

S(her)lock - the Webseries “is a feminist, LGBTQA positive, fresh take on the characters created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.  Living in New England in 1995, Sherlock Holmes investigates domestic cases with her companion, Dr. Johanna Watson — only the public has no idea!  Detective Lestrade claims credit for all her greatest accomplishments.  Can Holmes and Watson foil their foe and reclaim credit for their work?”  I haven’t checked this one out yet, which is why I’m copy-pasting the official description in here. What I know: This production has a trans woman as Watson and a drag queen as their landlord/lady, going alternately by Mr. Hudson and Mrs. Turner (which is kind of a stroke of genius, I have to say). Definitely one to keep in mind.

[sleepymarmot]

MEA liveblog #6

Spoilers!

Kadara

Alright, let's hope this virus sample is as harmless as SAM said... Why doesn't this scene have an interrupt? Why does Andromeda have so few?

Oh, right, there's still a quest with Reyes and Drack's story about Spender

I think I should also try the monolith again. Regardless of politics, activating the vaults for Ryder is like closing rifts for the Inquisitor.

Thank you internet for telling me how to activate the southernmost monolith! There's a cave entrance at the base of the mountain, on the road to the east of the monolith and north-east of the forward station.

Ugh, navigating this vault and trying not to die took a long time...

Why do I get flirt options with Reyes in 90% of dialogue wheels?

Okay, I finally crafted something. Chest and legs for armor. Iitiative V. Together they give +11% XP instead of +15 I had on the pre-order set, but I could put lots of bonuses onto them. Used "25% shields on kill" as enhancement and "+50% recharge speed, -30% weapon damage" as a mod.

Yikes! It looks so ugly! Here I thought Deep Space looked mediocre compared to Scavenger, but this...

My adept profile is now rank 4!

Zia's voice sounds terribly familiar.

I literally met murderers disposing of a body, why can't I interact with them?

Two Hydras, more like "run around the entire time". Ugh, why are biotics in this game so weak against armor? And where's the fall damage? The entire point of biotics is killing enemies with physics! Why does a combo, on normal difficulty, not kill a mook, but throw him somewhere I can't see him with a sliver of health so he continues to shoot at me? This is ridiculous!

Me: Ugh I don't wanna do Kadara Also me: *does every single sidequest in the Badlands, raises viability to 70%*

Tempest

Peebee: idk why I wanted to write to you -- Aww :D

Yay, finally I can make my inventory bigger!

"I like it when you flirt" is still an option smh. Clicked it because I think someone mentioned that the zero-g scene is repeatable, but nope.

Alright, time to finally move on to the loyalty missions!

Cora's LM

Convenient when you can reuse an entire map huh :D

TBH most of the things people are saying are flying right past me. I'm just following the quest markers. So, is the arc pretty much empty now? 

Asari sword V!!! Something I wanted to craft or find a long time ago. 

This ascendant wasn't even dangerous. Just a boring bullet sponge. I need to get more weight capacity so I could always carry a sniper rifle just for those guys...

I'm a biotic too!!! I walked through this entire mission as an adept! Why am I not helping with the shield?

Revealed the truth, then said Sarissa should stay as the Pathfinder. Not a difficult decision.

Tempest

"Outcast HQ" sounds ridiculous...

Meanwhile, my Bronze/Silver strike team has five positive traits and no negatives...

Nexus

Good thing I went here before moving on to Vetra's mission! There's a follow-up scene. And apparently, there were a lot of asari still in cryo?

Is this the guy who already sent me a grateful email? This game really fails at continuity sometimes.

Fuck! Jien Garson "died alone"?! All this time I was suspicious about her absence, but people talked about her death so confidently I was sure there were witnesses!

lmao a burned body in an unexpected place. suuuuure

Oh, so she is dead :(

Okay, this is simpler than I thought. The Initiative was about escaping the Reapers. And I thought they were looking for something in Andromeda...

If there's really nothing more to it -- I'd actually be disappointed. The game just continues to subvert its own most ridiculous statements. Pretty much everyone assumed that building something called Arcs and moving to another galaxy right before the Reaper invasion is an attempt to preserve people and culture. The game insisted that wasn't the case, except of course it is. There were only two new races, suspiciously alike -- are they related? Nobody even mentioned the possibility in the game until it was confirmed. On the one hand, it's a relief that the game doesn't believe its own bullshit. On the other, I'd like not to be treated like an idiot. I'd like a story with a premise that makes sense by itself, and with reveals that are genuinely surprising. What's next on the list of predictable "plot twists"? Is Alec alive? Is Reyes the Charlatan?

Tempest

What, I got a bunch of AVP just for promising to do Drack's mission?

Fuck yeah vanadium

H-047c

When you land, the subtitles just disappear...

I almost fell off a cliff and Liam shouted "Ryder!!" in a very startled voice

Whoa, a Reegar!

Took the interrupt, of course.

After Liam's mission, the other two seemed bland...

Havarl

Thanks to the internet, finally found the Fusion Mod of Adrenaline. How can anyone find that by themselves?!

Archon's ship

I'm tired of messing around, let's get on with the plot

Let me guess, I'll have to choose between the map to the Meridian and the salarian arc's survival?

This Pathfinder actually sounds like a Salarian!

A new carfalon, nice

this fight didn't go well lmao

Oh great, now we wiped everything but the ascendant and then he killed me

Ughh, on the third try...

Poor Ryder

Yeah, yeah, we've already heard all that from Harbinger...

Archon's chamber, health and ammo packs... Annoying boss battle, here we go

oh great, it's the Krogett

ah, so it's a mix of Virmire and Priority: Tuchanka

Ouch, I wish I didn't take Drack on this mission...

Well thanks I feel like a monster now

And of course, the autosave is after the choice. I've long suspected that the lack of saving in priority mission is designed to make us live with our decisions...

Honestly when I was making a choice it seemed simply whether a bunch of krogan or salarians are saved from exaltation, the krogan are connected to your friend but the salarians have a Pathfinder. But then the game seems to present it as "many krogans, your friend's friends, vs one Pathfinder"?

So, where to now? After the Nexus.

I have 3 loyalty missions in progress, Peebee, Jaal and Drack, and the last one seems pretty urgent. 

I need to go to Elaaden, especially because after this I need to restore my relationship with the krogan.

I need to activate the vault on Voeld, people in my outpost and my angaran allies has been freezing their limbs of for a long time.

Kadara is the only place where nothing important is happening, but I need to get it to 90% asap to unlock the fusion mod perk.

Tempest

Poured some more points into combat to decrease the weight of sniper rifles, and crafted a Vintage Isharay V. Now I can carry it along with the Hornet and a shotgun of my choice. Some power user I am... :D

No, Gil, I don't really want to meet your friend. Though on second thought, maybe if the Pathfinder tells her we're not here just to breed, maybe she'd believe...

"My mother created the implant in my head, and my father created the AI that uses it. I haven't lost them either" ;_;

Suvi organized a comparative religion seminar, and Jaal and Kallo signed up!

Got myself a bald space mouse

"Okay, I'll learn a new party trick" :D

"You are daring. I had to up my game" It's just a casual option, but sure sounds like flirting... :D

"Just don't get yourself exalted" -> "Just don't relax too much" The translation is getting worse and worse... There's some nonsense in almost every conversation.

Aw, Vetra!

Nexus

Thanks, Tann! Now I have time to do sidequests and loyalty missions without guilt!

No thanks to other Pathfinders, seems like I have to rush the main plot after all :(

Scott!!!

Why is Ryder asking him about things she must know just as well?

Honestly, this game design is super stupid! Kadara opens up a lot of new quests, but also the rushes the main plot like hell! Am I supposed to do the loyalty missions and shit after the end of the story??

Wait, how exactly did Keri scare people? Why was she arrested? I don't understand.

Tempest

Aw, Liam is worried about how I'm coping with my clinical death! *Shepard sighs with envy from another galaxy*

Kadara

Why does the game shower me with shippy Reyes material even when I'm not trying to romance him?

Finally another interrupt lol

"Try to settle here, and I'll consider it an act of war" If I took the story seriously and roleplayed honestly, this would be the point I'd abandon this planet forever, even if I didn't do it far earlier. There's no reason for Ryder to plan for an outpost here -- and I only do because of the queat description. Ughh, the writing in this game is killing me.

How do you take a recipe anyway? How do you make sure there isn't a copy left on the person's computer? Anyway, took it from the asari because I assumed I could destroy the info instead of giving it to the doctor, but had to give it back anyway.

Whoa, the date with Vetra is incredibly romantic

Was it really necessary for two freaking eirochs to greet us as we exit the cave?!

People who lit Sloane from behind so that every time there's a closeup on her, the camera adjusts to that bright light and her face becomes a pitch black blob: please don't ever stage anything again

Travel from the Badlands to the Port, meet Sloane, immediately travel back to almost the same place in the Badlands. Is the game intentionally trying to waste as much of our time as possible?

I think my game ran out of save slots... Without any warning. When you try to write in a new slot everything seems normal but the save just doesn't appear.

Whoa! Ryder WASN'T surprised that Reyes is the Charlatan! I didn't expect her to figure that out...

I'm not sure how Reyes's actions were supposed to weaken Sloane but whatever

First I shot him because I use interrupts instinctively, then replayed and didn't. I don't give enough fucks about this petty war.

100%! Now I can finally leave this snake pit.

BTW, re: the choice: Sloane is almost as bad as Aria at this point, the only redeeming quality is her backstory. And she's proven herself a bad leader, while Reyes could turn out to be better. But deciding to let her die within a split second -- that's not something I or my idealistic character could do. And now Reyes has a potential for a cool comeback story, and Sloane -- for a redemption arc. We have both characters alive and active, while the other option kills one off. (Which, I realize, is a reason that we might never see an interesting follow-up.)

Tempest

Reyes bothered to send a letter! I hope we'll see his dramatic return in a sequel or a DLC. Imagine if you romance him and then save Sloane -- that's a good story! Also, glad I didn't shoot, because the internet says the letter is very bitter and ominous in that case.

Aaand what some people on the internet were saying is true. Fusion Mod Support, which was the sole reason I went to complete Kadara, is broken and deprives you of all buffs. Well, whatever.

Drack doesn't tell me to fuck off anymore. Does this mean I don't need to "give him space" anymore and can plausibly do his loyalty mission? It's weird that the game just ignores all that's happened -- it's not like he tells me he forgave or anything. Consequences my ass. Just lazy writing.

And Lexi just repeats her first description of Drack -- that he's "always good". Ugh. No, he's not!

NOW you want to talk about my death, Cora! Not when I approached you after that mission!

Elaaden

The krogan have a nice flag!

Logical: "Don't make me headbutt you. I absolutely will" Ha! The emotional option was some shit about friendship... 

The worm? That thing from the promo pictures, right? Is it the same thing as the Architects people on the internet are mentioning?

Aww, is this a letter from multiplayer's krogan engineer?

A krogan LARP!

The krogan are literally the only people whom I can understand and support in a decision to jump galaxies

Drack's LM

I don't understand how Vorn got here...

For once I'm not the one with a dilemma lol

"There's only one thing getting destroyed today (...) So there are a lot of things getting destroyed today, actually"

Drack please don't talk during fights, I don't hear a single word, too busy charging people and slashing them with my sword

I still don't understand what all of this has to do with Spender, and don't remember Drack ever mentioning before that the botanist is so important and irreplaceable.

I love being a vanguard on normal because even with an incomplete build you can tank two hydras. To be fair I was standing right on top of a health box...

That's all?? So short...

At least Drack hasn't forgotten my choice...

Ah, so the botanist who sent us on this mission and the botanist we rescued are two different people? Okay, one question answered.

Elaaden

Hmm, this puzzle seems more difficult...

The second monolith has a console puzzle instead of sudoku. I spent a pretty long time on it before realizing there were three consoles, not two...

WHy am I breaking into this base and slaughtering everyone inside??

Couldn't solve the console puzzle in the vault, looked it up, didn't understand the explanation, clicked some more and activated it by accident.

Shit, is this the same puzzle but on pillars?

I fell into the water and the game respawned me into the same fall -- but in the Nomad.

Jumped around and activated the bridge somehow, but the door behind it is still closed

How am I supposed not to fall from the pillars? It's impossible to know if you're jumping not far enough, too far, or not high enough.

Oh, here's that difficult sudoku. I spent like 15 minutes on it and still can't solve it...

Holy crap, I solved it! Took me about 25 minutes...

The purification field was already in the room when I closed the door on it...

Lmao apparently the main krogan on this planet is right in the starting zone... I searched the entire colony for him! And now, with the planet at 83% viability, I finally meet the guy I came here for :D

I clearly was meant to do all of this right in the beginning lmao. But I was in a rush to do Drack's mission...

Pressuring women into childbirth is bad enough in normal circumstances, but when children have about 1% chance of surviving? Back the fuck off.

Messages on the terminal are interesting. I don't like the confirmation of too-earthlike misogyny on Tuchanka, but at least things are getting better here. And I'm still impressed by the letters from the krogan engineer -- do other multiplayer character have presence in the main game too?

And here's the deal with the Remnant ship! I was waiting for the reason to visit it...

I like Morda. I hope I won't have to fight or depose her.

(Btw she's Norda in translation because "morda" means "face, mug")

It'd be much more fun to fight fiends if they weren't sync-killers. I can't even use a shotgun -- the entire fight consists of running away, throwing powers at them when at safe distance, turning around to run again, and if I'm very lucky, finding a moment for a sniper rifle shot a couple of times.

Btw this entire time I thought fiends were exalted eirochs -- but they're just a normal local species? What?

Lmao the viability is at 99% now

The Remnant Ship is a lovechild of the Collector ship/Derelict Reaper and all those veilfire dungeons from DAI

The Nomad looks bad in this planet's lighting... Or is it because I raised texture quality? On Eos and Voeld the entire hull looked the same, now I can see the difference between two areas.

Oh. Is this why I was supposed to break into the scavenger base lol

Well, this was a good planet to bring Drack and Peebee with you everywhere! Sorry Peebs, but even you didn't feel joy when we finally found that drive core after all the bloodshed; plus it's your own philisophy to look into the future instead of the past; plus we might find other Remnant ships but this diplomatic opportunity is huge and unique. It's a laughably small price to pay for so many good things -- not just the outpost, but paying our debts and renewing friendship with a good ally led by an admirable woman. This makes me feel really good, unlike Kadara. New Tuchanka in generally is a feel-good place. The krogan look more real with their occupations and interests, their reason for being here makes perfect sense unlike the rest of the Initiative, and they're happier than in the Milky Way (at least until the end of ME3. Yeah, they have the genophage here, but also the Reapers aren't killing and harvesting them, so I'll call it a draw).

Oh my god, the translators misread "fiends" as "friends"! "Even if it means taking out three friends at once"! L M A O

"We're all a little krogan in here" That sounds pretty racist, Ryder

Nexus

Wait, how is exile harsher sentence for Spender than jail? In exile he'd just be free to continue his racist criminal activities.

"It is the will to continue living" Ugh, don't give me that Padme bullshit

Eos

That's all? This short rude conversation is why Gil called me to meet his shitty friend?

Aw, Cora started a garden! Right on a nest of poison-spitting bugs, but still cute. 

Just as I switch from Flamethrower to Annihilation, I get attacked by two fiends -_- Where's my biotic armor damage, Bioware?!

Btw the Nomad now looks plastic on Eos too :(

And here's the Architect! I avoided looking up videos because I wanted to find out how this fight goes by myself.

And of course, when I died the autosave was glitched and froze my entire game -_-

And it happened again -_- The cutscene doesn't start and I can't do anything

For fuck's sake, on its leg WHERE?

Managed to shot down a leg, got killed trying to shoot its head

Whoa, I won! Ate like 20 shield boosters, though. What a bullet sponge, I felt like I was doing no damage at all. And in the final section of the fight it spent like 5 minutes just shooting and throwing grenades at me without ever exposing the vulnerable spot, I thought that maybe the game just forgot to indicate it. I used Vanguard, Charge/melee/Lance for adds, gun/Lance/Charge for the Architect itself. For some reason it didn't occur to me to switch to Infiltrator or Soldier or even Explorer for sniping lol

Now that I finally leveled up Lance today, I tried a lot of setups... Flamethrower/Energy Drain/Lance (Sentinel), Annihilation/Energy Drain/Lance (Sentinel), Annihilation/Charge/Lance (Vanguard), Pull/Charge/Lance (Vanguard). Next time I'll try Singularity as the first primer. I don't have the final evolution of Annihilation yet, so it's not at full synergy. I really don't know what I like better -- ED/Sentinel or Charge/Vanguard. The latter is novaguard reborn, basically, but I already have one Vanguard profile, which is melee/tank oriented, and I don't want to remove Backlash, especially to replace it with a power that slows down Charge. Four favorites are not enough, Bioware! At least seven -- one for each profile. I still don't have a build for Remnant VI and I really want to use it! Btw, my final blow to the Architect was with Lance -- ending the testing session with style!

I can craft N7 armor X already! Wow. Why no level requirement? I'll replace my chestpiece -- massive buffs to biotics >> 4% XP. Don't know if I should disassemble my old armor or just buy more enhancements...

I just (re-)realized that Charge/Lance/asari sword is basically N7 Slayer... I definitely need that N7 armor!

I'm watching other people's Architect fights -- and turns out, Backlash can deflect its attacks! That's what I should have used as the third skill.

Not related at all, but I hate how people put spoilers in thread titles on Reddit :/ I guess the most obvious ones get filtered out, but indirect spoilers stay. "What are your theories about [thing]?" -- thanks a lot for telling me it won't be explained in the game, dude!! >:[

[thesinglesjukebox]

ELLIE GOULDING - RIVER

[3.88]

It's Canaday, starting with a musician who's not Canadian; however, Ellie Goulding's been a liar, been a thief...

Katie Gill: Honestly, the theories as to how this cover hit #1 in the first place are a lot more interesting than the version itself. It's a bog standard cover of a beautiful song that we've had way too many bog standard covers of already. Goulding is bringing absolutely nothing new to the table here, playing this song straighter than a ruler. As such, a middle of the road song gets a middle of the road score. [5]

Michael Hong: Joni Mitchell's classic was always one of the best breakup songs, and with a line like "I made my baby say goodbye," you could feel that self-blame and regret in her voice. It made the former line where she stretches the word "fly" with such intense longing hurt all the more. Ben Platt's version for last year's The Politician was a solemn showcase of grief, empowered by his powerful voice that trembled with regret. Goulding's voice is far too airy to back the grounded context of the lyrics and it's a shame that a line like "I made my baby say goodbye" is delivered with a sad little whimper. Coupled with the way the track is being released, Ellie Goulding has managed to dim the emotional release of "River." [4]

Brad Shoup: It's easy not to fuck up "River": follow the tracks of Mitchell's blades. And so Goulding does, from the piano that I instinctually let tap on my tear ducts onward. Understandably, she enjoys the thought of flying most. But she can't -- few could -- nail the mixture of regret and fascination Mitchell brings to "I made my baby cry". So yes, a decent routine, but one more faithful to the text than the author. Corinne Bailey Rae and Herbie Hancock executed a better one -- over a decade ago now -- that fully apprehended its creator's jazz leanings. I suppose I should be grateful Goulding didn't attempt the same. [5]

Katherine St Asaph: The coalescing take around Ellie Goulding's cover of Joni Mitchell's "River," is the take I hate most, i.e. that it's just another example of conspiratorial prolefeed served by THE BIG BAD ALGORITHMS, specifically the result of moms who don't want to troubleshoot every speaker in every room of the house asking Amazon's Alexa to play Christmas music, for which this technically qualifies. The culprit here is not "algorithms," probably, but payola -- "River" is an Amazon exclusive, which means Amazon has incentive to hustle it past all its recommender algorithms clamoring for "All I Want For Christmas Is You." Indeed, as payola goes, some tranquil, contemplative Joni Mitchell, even in cover form, is an inspired, even counterintuitive song choice. (And if The Algorithms were truly evil, in their vast data collection they will have learned by now there are better songs to play to troll people with.) What's really interesting, to me at least, is that Ellie Goulding was just on an Andrea Bocelli single sounding studiedly similar to Sarah Brightman, and now she's on a Joni Mitchell cover sounding studiedly -- well, not similar, but closer to her than to Ellie Goulding. Given that a year ago Goulding was giving interviews about how her voice didn't sound like anyone else, where now it sounds rather the opposite, what's the strategy here? An attempt to distinguish herself from the hundreds of Halseys and Bebes who share her vocal style? An exit strategy into adult contemporary (and out of having to record singles with Juice WRLD)? Upcoming pivot to West End (uh, whoops, happened already)? Upset, hopefully not still, she wasn't in Cats? Planning to fake everyone out on the UK Masked Singer? [5]

Scott Mildenhall: Streaming has arguably compelled national charts to better reflect what people are actually listening to, so is it a failure or a victory that a number one single has arisen via gerrymandered inadvertent and passive consumption? It's hard to say if that's more or less legitimate than a 911 CD2 with three free postcards, or a label messenger boy being sent to buy all copies of a 7" from one of the few shops used to measure sales, but it does come with greater possibilities. In a few updates time Alexa will be writing, recording and releasing her own material and playing that to the unsuspecting, at which point the entire top 40 will be full of her, metaphysically straddling all conceivable and as yet inconceivable genres with songs that not only target, but also sample the unwitting utterances of individual users. That, or maybe just note-for-note covers of tasteful classics, who knows. [5]

Iain Mew: I'm pretty sure I was algorithmically treated to "River" over Christmas, and even pleased to have something that wasn't the usual turn up. It was definitely well ahead of the time a few years ago when my parents bought a Christmas compilation of knock-off soundalikes without noticing, and specifically the unique horror visited upon "Fairytale of New York" therein. Listening to "River" now in January it tries hard not to do anything interesting, but can't help but sound more stark than plain, which is something. [5]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: If you're going to use your terrifying tech near-monopoly to force a hit, at least make it less boring than this. [1]

Alex Clifton: If you keep the captions on the YouTube video, it begins with "(emotional piano music)", a fine example of subtitle editorializing before the song even starts. It's a bland moment for Ellie, whose normally delicate and distinctive voice falls into generic indie girl territory. At least it's better than this "River." [3]

Alfred Soto: I swear, I published this list of solid Joni Mitchell covers before I endured Ellie Goulding's literalist approach to Blue's most guaranteed tear wringer. Less anxious than Beth Orton's, more okay than Corinne Bailey Rae and Herbie Hancock's. Yet consider: Goulding's matter-of-fact reading teases out Frozen II's queer subtexts. [6]

Nortey Dowuona: Heavy, slipping piano chords are trying to pin down the hem of Ellie's thin, soothing voice, but it slips through and Ellie sees the flowing river, both a little relieved and a little disappointed, settling herself on the riverbanks and thinking about the passed years since "Lights" and wondering how she wound up here, waiting for the river to freeze in the wintertime. Then, Joni Mitchell flies over the river on her way to deliver some presents to kids in Ukraine in a hurry and freezes the river 45 feet deep, with Ellie happily beginning to skate, her future forgotten. [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Joni Mitchell's music is striking for many reasons, but one that never fails to impress is how every bit of instrumentation fleshes out ideas presented in her prose. To take a less obvious example from Blue, "A Case of You" is a song suffused with wistfulness and lingering romance, and the guitar chords--swaying rhythmically but nevertheless sturdy--take on the woozy feel she sings of in the lyrics. "River" isn't as understated: it's bookended by the sound of "Jingle Bells" to indicate the longing and sadness she experiences in the middle of enforced, unavoidable holiday cheer. Her desire for a river she "could skate away on" finds motion in arpeggios, but they inevitably find their way back to that variation on "Jingle Bells," signaling her unresolved feelings; the extended outro carries with it something solemn. Goulding's take on this is serviceable, but she doesn't magnify or play on anything that makes the song brilliant and moody and affecting. Its existence is no less meaningful than if you were to sing the song yourself and record it (in fact, doing so would be more personal, more meaningful). Still, the mistakes are glaring: Goulding truncates the ending, stunting the song's emotional heft; her singing is comprised of large gestures, failing to subtly evocate; and there's a sense that in wanting to remain faithful to Mitchell, she's failed to make this song her own. [0]

Thomas Inskeep: I wish Goulding had done something, anything to change up this cover of the Joni Mitchell standard, but she didn't -- she plays it completely straight. So what's the point, if I can listen to the original? A great cover reinvents a song, turns it inside out, finds something new. This does none of that. [3]

Ian Mathers: The backing sounds close enough to the original, so the proposition here is, what? Let's take one of the greatest songs of all time, and instead of having it sung by Joni Mitchell, a legitimate national treasure here in Canada, an absolutely seismic figure in the history of modern popular music and, it should be added, one of the finest vocal performers in the field and replace her with... Ellie Goulding? If anything, you feel bad for her absolutely adequate performance and I'm sure sincere love for the song. But the original didn't somehow fall into a black hole, so why does this exist? [2]

Kylo Nocom: Those runs are rather dry. I witnessed a brilliant rendition of "River" in a talent show tribute last month, so no excuses for a cover so tiring, so lacking in Joni's fragility. A shame Ellie won't even benefit from some Christmas cheer now that it's January. [3]

Will Adams: Charitably, a "faithful" cover; uncharitably, a cover so occupied with replicating the original it's rendered pointless. Perennial cover songs like "Fast Car" or "Hallelujah" or this don't need to be 180'd every time; something simple like the soft rock arrangement Sarah McLachlan gave it works fine. Goulding's version does little more than quantize the vocals and add harsh amounts of treble. [4]

Joshua Copperman: "Ellie, you haven't really changed," I said, "It's just that now you're unrecognizable; sing something else instead." [4]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[watchstandpray]

From the Creator of Watch Stand Pray

Though the subtitle reads “Moral Motivation”, I do not consider myself any moral authority by any means. Morality is a topic society is hungry for. It would be a crime not to spread the news: Morals are good.

Note that the title is not “Moral Perfection”. I write these words to myself as much as to everyone else. As the words suggest, this work is both a motivation for morals and a set of moral-centered motivationals.

I was inspired by my many students and friends, as well as Oswald Chambers. I was introduced to his work when a kind of spiritual grandmother in my life gave me a copy as I went off to Moody. My Utmost for His Highest, the gold standard of Bible-based devotionals, was a collection of notes from Chambers’ widow; our loved ones often know our best values best. He died at 43 years old of a health condition. His first book, Biblical Psychology, was published five years before that. If he could address both Bible and culture at such a young age, I can too.

I write this at 37 years old. When I first wrote this Introduction, I had only finished the first read, drafted about eleven other candidate reads, and had a list of about 180 for other topics, at least 100 of them Bible Theology topics. Most of those are rants I have given to friends on more than one occasion. It seems, according to the fact that his wife took notes of what he would say at home, Oswald was a bit of a “ranter” like myself. What writer/teacher isn’t?

My father would also go on “wisdom rants”. He called them “little Walter thoughts”. Our family treasures them today. Toward the end of his life, he started to write them down, but most of what he said remains only in memory. I don’t want that for my own ideas for future generations. Although I have written political columns, Bible teachings of many kinds, fiction, and numerous other pieces in various genres, nothing I ever wrote before this really had “Jesse thoughts”. This does.

Oswald Chambers brought us all something special. His daily readings aren’t just “Bible study”. They were real, passionate, and natural from the moment. Those kinds of “household wisdom rants” have the strongest “didactic” teaching impact in childhood. Some of our best books are the ones we don’t know we write. Oswald remains unique in the devotional world.

The lesser among devotionals can often be with cliche, are quite dry, belong best under dust on a coffee table’s lower shelf, or were invaluable for readers from another time. Many good Bible devotionals are aimed at novice Bible readers who love Jesus and need elementary teaching to enrich their busy, hectic lives. There are many rich daily-Bible books, such as 365 Read-Aloud Bedtime Bible Stories, the “Uncle” Arthor Maxwell collections, and it goes without mention that Max Lucado and my dear friend, Joe Stowell, are generally awesome. But, all of these are heavily focused on traditional Bible-preaching topics.

What about the professional? What about the Christian who wants to minister through the marketplace or in government? Wisdom such as, “Make sure you’re nice to people because God really loves you as much as them,” carries truth that can be properly applied if we take it to heart; but it doesn’t necessarily answer all challenges of the working professional.

Who disciples the Daniels and Josephs? Who motivates the motivational speakers? They weren’t without mentors of their own. Without any spite, I believe there is a “red ocean” marketable need for a book that daily enriches the lives of self-proclaimed “Christian yuppies”. I wanted “Tony Robins meets Oswald Chambers”. Frankly, that’s Jesse Steele.

Oswald Chambers didn’t intend to write the book he wrote. That was part of its magic. The only reason that I can justify even being worthy to want to follow in his shoes is that every one of these 365 reads—353 of them yet-to-be-drafted—are from rants I have already made. I’m doing zero research and zero outlining for these devotionals. I’m simply sitting at a keyboard and pounding out “repeating broken record rants” of my past that people have thanked me for time and again. The book will be finished as fast as I can type. (Now we know how long it took.)

(Don’t tell her, but this is arguably a romance tactic. If I publish all my brilliant ideas before I meet my future wife, that might deter her from taking notes while I’m ranting. Wouldn’t that have been kind of funny—a young couple getting into it when the wife suddenly pulls out a pad of paper and starts taking notes? Just sayin’. But, I kinda’ like that kinda’ woman.)

No, I’m not married. I just haven’t had time to pursue it, being too busy with other important things that I won’t have time for in the future. So, how can I even include anything about marriage and family in these readings?

I am a son and an uncle, for what it’s worth. I hope I’m valuable to my nieces and nephews. Still, I severely limit myself on the topic of raising a family. I can’t speak to the 24/7 parenting gig; it’s exhausting just to think about. But, if it is wrong to write wisdom for children when you don’t have any of your own then most of CS Lewis’ work would be unqualified.

In terms of marriage, I am just an inquisitive observer. I’ve often picked the brains of married couples to see what works for them, why they fail, why they succeed, and I often know more about what goes on behind the scenes than people realize. I’m somewhat of the grapevine in that sense. I don’t think God would let those little “bees” buzz over and keep me so informed if I flapped jaw about other people’s problems. I keep a tighter lip than most will ever know. Many a secret will go to my grave with me. From those secrets, I have a wide scope of what I have seen fail and succeed. I think it would be a crime not to share at least a little from that insight.

These reads contain the warnings and wisdom anyone can see in advance, with a little diligence and “grapevining”. I’ll probably write a post-parenting book on how it all worked out. My mother often told me with all sincerity and no animosity, “I can’t wait to see how your ideas actually work out when you’re a parent.”

What do I have to say about being a father?

I write this not as a father, but as a godfather of a godson whose father left him forever when he was three, to whom I gave my name. I have none of the rights nor powers of a real father, yet I carry much of the responsibility. I have no influence in his regular instruction or situation. I am only available when called on and can only act in the capacity of a commentator and cheerleader. In many ways, I wish I had even some of the powers of a real father to David, with no second thought for the burdens that would come with them. I did not ask for him to be my godson and I cannot ask to be released. I only write about the topic of fathering because no devotional would be complete without it. In this, I write from what I little I do know and from what the Bible teaches. I hope that God grants you the powers to glean from my wisdom and disregard my lacking.

But, I am no novice to these matters either.

My grandmother was called “Grandma” even by her elders because of her wide and long work with children in her local church. Even after she died, my aunt’s neighbor, who barely knew her, had a dream in which she called her “Grandma”. My mother was listed in the local newspaper among the top ten local daycare providers. My own babysitter, from before I entered elementary school, was a leader in her community and I am still in touch with her to this day. We often talk about dealing with people as we never stop growing up.

During the ages of nine and ten, when I was homeschooled, I listened to Dr. Kevin Leman on the radio every day as parents called into his national talk radio program for advice. Sadly, yet honestly, I believed I have studied the subject of parenting more than most parents. In addition to that, I have twenty-three years of one-on-one tutoring experience with ages ranging from five to seventy and in three different cultures. I have seen many parenting styles, what fails and what succeeds, and I say confidently as humbly: It’s all predictable.

Books have already been published about most every problem and conflict. Talk radio hosts, even the less famous, have addressed many challenges. Yet, most of the people who face great challenges in family relationships rarely seek advice, let alone seek advice in advance. Not seeking advice in advance is usually among the greatest problems in family. Never have I encountered a situation where my own counsel had not already been published by men more experienced than I. When it comes to family, I have absolutely nothing new to say, yet I think I have seen one quarter of all there is to see, the total being unfathomable.

I do not have experience as a husband or as a biological father. I can’t speak from impure relations either. I can only speak from the perspective of one who has the wisdom to wait for things for which I know I am not prepared. Of all the experience I lack, the greatest is preventable and unnecessary failure. For the failures I have, I am glad I was at least absent from the bleachers and present on the game field.

Aside from parenting, I feel competent in the areas of which I write. I survived nine years overseas with my only financial plan being God as my provider. Everything I write about money came from what I have observed in life and read in the Bible. The same goes for leadership, whether organizationally, in business relations, friendship, or positions of authority such as controlling a classroom or working in government.

My work speaks for itself, including the fifteen other books I have written as of 2018, all of them available as ebooks and through print on demand, as well as the inkVerb and PinkWrite projects along with many others. I have a degree in Bible, ten years of work in food service, twenty years in education, and am a pianist of thirty. I am son to a widowed mother and Military Police renaissance-man and teacher of a father. I am a brother, uncle, godfather, Linux programmer, designer, podcaster, columnist, predictor of politics, adviser to unnamed few, ESL and piano teacher, forever student, individual sport enthusiast, hands-on student of culture, lover of people almost as much as I am lover of our Creator God, sinner, mentor, friend, hunter, tamer of animals, writer, editor, survivor, and hope-to-be-better every day all-around good guy.

I write this at 37 years old. At this time, I have only drafted the first read, about eleven other candidate reads, and have a list of about 180 for other topics, at least 100 of them Bible Theology topics. Most of these are rants I have given to friends on more than one occasion. It seems, according to the fact that his wife took notes of what he would say at home, Oswald was a bit of a “ranter” like myself. What writer/teacher isn’t?

My father would also go on “wisdom rants”. He called them “little Walter thoughts”. We treasure them today. Toward the end of his life, he started to write them down, but most of what he said remains only in memory. I don’t want that. Although I have written political, Bible, fiction, and numerous other pieces in various genres, nothing really had “Jesse thoughts”. This does.

Oswald Chambers brought something special. His daily readings aren’t just “Bible study”. They were real, passionate, and natural from the moment. Those kinds of “household wisdom rants” have the strongest “didactic” teaching impact in childhood. Some of our best books are the ones we don’t know we write. Oswald remains unique in the devotional world.

The lesser among devotionals can be filled with cliche, quite dry, belong best under dust on a coffee table’s lower shelf, or were invaluable for readers from another time. Many good Bible devotionals are aimed at novice Bible readers who love Jesus and need elementary teaching to enrich their busy, hectic lives. There are many rich daily-Bible books, such as 365 Read-Aloud Bedtime Bible Stories, the “Uncle” Arthor Maxwell collections, and it goes without mention that Max Lucado and my good friend, Joe Stowell, are generally awesome. But, all of these are heavily focused on traditional Bible-preaching topics.

What about the professional? What about the Christian who wants to minister through the marketplace or in government? Wisdom such as, “Make sure you’re nice to people because God really loves you as much as them,” carries truth that can be properly applied if we take it to heart; but it doesn’t necessarily answer all challenges of the working professional.

Who disciples the Daniels and Josephs? Who motivates the motivational speakers? They weren’t without mentors of their own. Without any spite, I believe there is a “red ocean” marketable need for a book that daily enriches the lives of self-proclaimed Christian yuppies. I wanted “Tony Robins meets Oswald Chambers”. Frankly, that’s Jesse Steele.

Oswald Chambers didn’t intend to write the book he wrote. That was part of its magic. The only reason that I can justify even being worthy to follow in his shoes is that every one of these 365 reads—353 of them yet-to-be-drafted—are from rants I have already made. I’m doing zero research and zero outlining for these devotionals. I’m simply sitting at a keyboard and pounding out “broken record rants” of my past that people have thanked me for time and again. The book will be finished as fast as I can type.

(Don’t tell her, but this is arguably a romance tactic. If I publish all my brilliant ideas before I meet my future wife, that might deter her from taking notes while I’m ranting. Wouldn’t that have been kind of funny—a young couple getting into it when the wife suddenly pulls out a pad of paper and starts taking notes? Just sayin’. But, I kinda’ like that kinda’ woman.)

No, I’m not married. I just haven’t had time to pursue it, being too busy with other important things that I won’t have time for in the future. So, how can I even include anything about marriage and family in these readings?

I am a son and an uncle, for what it’s worth. I hope I’m valuable to my nieces and nephews. Still, I severely limit myself to the topic of raising a family. I can’t speak to the 24/7 gig; it’s exhausting just to think about. But, if it is wrong to write wisdom for children when you don’t have any of your own then most of CS Lewis’ work would be unqualified.

In terms of marriage, I am just an inquisitive observer. I’ve often picked the brains of married couples to see what works for them, why they fail, and I often know more about what goes on behind the scenes than people realize. I’m somewhat of the grapevine in that sense. I don’t think God would let those little “bees” buzz over and keep me so informed if I flapped jaw about other people’s problems. I keep a tighter lip than most will ever know. Many a secret will go to my grave with me. From those secrets, I have a wide scope of what I have seen fail and succeed. I think it would be a crime not to share at least a little from that insight.

These reads contain the warnings and wisdom anyone can see in advance, with a little diligence. I’ll probably write a post-parenting book on how it all worked out. My mother often told me with all sincerity and no animosity, “I can’t wait to see how your ideas actually work out when you’re a parent.”

What do I have to say about being a father?

I write this not as a father, but as a godfather of a godson whose father left him forever when he was three, to whom I gave my name. I have none of the rights nor powers of a real father, yet I carry much of the responsibility. I have no influence in his regular instruction or situation. I am only available when called on and can only act in the capacity of a commentator and cheerleader. In many ways, I wish I had even some of the powers of a real father to David, with no second thought for the burdens that would come with them. I did not ask for him to be my godson and I cannot ask to be released. I only write about the topic of fathering because no devotional would be complete without it. In this, I write from what I little I do know and from what the Bible teaches. I hope that God grants you the powers to glean from my wisdom and disregard my lacking.

But, I am no novice to these matters either.

My grandmother was called “Grandma” even by her elders because of her wide and long work with children in her local church. Even after she died, my aunt’s neighbor, who barely knew her, had a dream in which she called her “Grandma”. My mother was listed in the local newspaper among the top ten local daycare providers. My own babysitter, from before I entered elementary school, was a leader in her community and I am still in touch with her to this day. We often talk about dealing with people as we never stop growing up.

During the ages of nine and ten, when I was homeschooled, I listened to Dr. Kevin Leman on the radio every day as parents called into his national talk radio program for advice. Sadly, yet honestly, I believed I have studied the subject of parenting more than most parents. In addition to that, I have twenty years of one-on-one tutoring experience with ages ranging from five to seventy and in three different cultures. I have seen many parenting styles, what fails and what succeeds, and I say confidently as humbly: It’s all predictable.

Books have already been published about every problem and conflict. Talk radio hosts, even the less famous, have addressed many challenges. Yet, most of the people who face great challenges in family relationships rarely seek advice, let alone seek advice in advance. Not seeking advice in advance is usually among the greatest problems in family. Never have I encountered a situation where my own counsel had not already been published by men more experienced than I. When it comes to family, I have absolutely nothing new to say, yet I think I have seen one quarter of all there is to see, the total being unfathomable.

I do not have experience as a husband or as a biological father. I can’t speak from impure relations either. I can only speak from the perspective of one who has the wisdom to wait for things for which I know I am not prepared. Of all the experience I lack, the greatest is preventable and unnecessary failure. For the failures I have, I am glad I was at least absent from the bleachers and present on the game field.

Aside from parenting, I feel competent in the areas of which I write. I survived nine years overseas with my only financial plan being God as my provider. Everything I write about money came from what I have seen in life and read in the Bible. The same goes for leadership, whether organizationally, in business relations, friendship, or positions of authority such as controlling a classroom.

My work speaks for itself, including the fifteen other books I have written as of 2018, all of them available as ebooks and through print on demand, as well as the inkVerb and PinkWrite projects along with many others. I have a degree in Bible, ten years of work in food service, twenty years in education, and am a pianist of thirty. I am son to a widowed mother and Military Police renaissance-man and teacher of father, brother, uncle, godfather, Linux programmer, designer, podcaster, columnist, predictor of politics, adviser to unnamed few, ESL and piano teacher, forever student, individual sport enthusiast, hands-on student of culture, lover of people almost as much as I am lover of our Creator God, sinner, mentor, friend, hunter, tamer of animals, writer, editor, survivor, and hope-to-be-better every day all-around good guy.

— Jesse Steele Creator of Watch Stand Pray

[theworstbob]

the thing journal, 6.25-7.1

capsule reviews of the things i attempted to take in last week. in this post: super! pop psychology! oxymoron! crush! beyonce! fake sugar! ctrl! 45 jokes about my dead dad! southsiders! the retrieval! before sunset!

1) Super, dir. James Gunn: A film I think about a lot is Observe & Report. That is an insane film that people were actually given money to make, and it's insane because it plunges deep, deep inside the mind of this psychotic man who thinks he's the one standing between order and chaos, and it's great for that reason, because it doesn't shy away from the ludicrous darkness of that crazy, crazy person. The only way this film is worth watching is if this film takes an Observe & Report-deep look at the motivations of its protagonist, and it doesn't come anywhere close to being that audacious. But this film is dealing with a deeply crazy person, a man who dresses in spandex and beats people with a pipe wrench, and it needed to treat that person like a crazy person, not like a hero. When Ellen Page (the absolute highlight of this film) starts taking it too far, Rainn Wilson can't suddenly pull back, the film either needs to show how he encouraged that wanton violence or have him standing to the side, beaming at the great work his protege is doing. Like, the Crimson Bolt is aware on some level that what he's doing is wrong, and the film doesn't work precisely because the character has that awareness. Not the worst film I've seen all year (I was lurking in a Twitch stream (this one, it’s dope) last night where people in the chat were defending Sausage Party and I swear to Christ I was ten deep breaths away from getting myself banned for yelling at them for their bad opinion), but definitely a bummer.

2) Pop Psychology, by Neon Trees: this was a good album. you know the thing about listening to a three-year-old pop album, though? regular soda pop has an expiration date of three months. but it's not like pop really goes bad, it just kinda falls flat, so if you were to ever drink a three-year-old soda pop, it'd still have that same coke taste, it just wouldn't have the bubbles, wouldn't have that texture. and it's not this album's fault i let it expire, we've been over this, i wasn't doing my part in the mid-tens, if i got this fresh out the fridge i'd have much fonder memories (insofar as anyone remembers a specific soda, and not the general memory of drinking soda pop on summer nights). but this wasn't really designed to be consumed three years after production, and that's too bad, neon trees always made really solid pop music, and i'm sure they could've made something truly dope if they put their minds to it. pop ain't bad, though.

3) Oxymoron, by ScHoolboy Q: Gang life is a nightmare and this is an album that puts those nightmarish aspects at the fore. Like, one of my favorite albums of last year, The Game's 1992, didn't necessarily shy away from the horrors of the life, but it also coated over them with the '90s nostalgia, The Game occasionally getting lost remembering listening to 2Pac and Dre and thinking about the OJ trial, whereas this album says "No, this sucks," with these loud and jarring beats and Q's constant growling painting a portrait of the violence and the constant anger one experiences being caught in that life. It's a notably unique vision, but more importantly, it's honestly a joy to listen to, it's an exceedingly dark album but it never feels like a burden, Q is still making music that is meant to be enjoyed and not just pondered over. It's awesome. All of you who've already listened to it should strongly consider giving it another spin.

4) Crush, by 2NE1: I said I wanted to explore the music of 2014. I said I needed to get caught up on the music that wasn't made by white dudes with guitars. I wanted to travel the world. This showed up on the list of notable 2014 releases. So: here we are! Though like let's be real the only difference between this and any other pop music is the language, and even then, I'm sure 2NE1 is saying nice things about love or mean things about a former lover. I thought this three-year-old K-pop album was very nice, and I do not regret listening to it! Than you, K-pop! We'll catch up again when I get to 2011 and the attendant Girls' Generation release

5) Beyonce: the album everyone said was very good that whirlwind night in 2014 was abso-goddamn-lutely right. like, i'm not gonna go too in-depth because you could read any number of thinkpieces and the album is, in a word, flawless, but it's kind of a bummer for me that the consensus is that Lemonade is better than this. I think Lemonade's more ambitious and deals with more personal issues, but, and I will say this a billion times before I eventually abandon this series where I try to talk about anything, heartbreak and sadness are not inherently deeper emotions than love and happiness. Like, "Daddy Lessons" is the best song on either album bar none (and even that's a jubilant sort of fuck you), but there's at least five songs on here that are better than the second-best song on Lemonade. Don't try and tell me "XO" ain't better than "Hold Up." Things that are about nice things are good, y'know? That's just how I feel.

6) Fake Sugar, by Beth Ditto: I can't believe I nearly forgot to include this album. Like, I had the other ten bitlets written, I was ready to copy+paste into the tumblr text field, and I said, "Didn't I listen to something really cool while trapped on the bus on Wednesday?" and I looked in my recents and THERE WAS THIS. THIS GODDAMNED TOWER OF SYNTHPOP MASTERY. I was intrigued by this album because the AV Club's preview said it had a Nashvilley sound to it, and I'm like, hey, I'm down for something vaguely country, and like. This isn't? country? But it's just like insanely good, like I was just blown away, I hadn't expected it to be epic soaring synthpop but epic soaring synthpop is my jam and I was there for it. (It should be noted that I hadn't actually heard of Gossip before like two weeks ago, and now I'm really stoked to sink into their back catalogue once I get out of 2014.)

7) Ctrl, by SZA: "this album is so good in ways i'll never be able to properly articulate," bob said for the hundreth time, relaxing after another bitlet well wroted flew from his hands into the eyes of ones Like, just the way it gets slowly more surreal as the album proceeds, SZA, like, I dunno, gliding in and out of this dream state while still keeping just in touch with reality enough that she never goes too far out of grasp? Look I'm not smart, I'm not gonna pretend I know what I'm talking about after just a couple listens, I just know it's heckin' great and well worth your time. It's so dope, and I feel like I'm failing this album by not coming up with anything substantive to say about it. We got, what, six deep into this post before I apologized to some entity or another for not being able to properly express my love? New PB. We'll get that perfect post one day.

8) 45 Jokes About My Dead Dad, by Laurie Kilmartin: it says a lot about my sensibility that i knew i'd be into this album the second i saw this album title, like hell yeah, i am in here for all these jokes about your dead dad, HIT ME. i am a fan of jokes about dead parents. it's an incredible album, like, there's a joke where her son asks her why everyone at the funeral is sad and she says it's because they're at a funeral and her son asks "are you sad because i'm not playing Minecraft?" while reaching for her phone and that joke sent me soaring above the tallest remaining rainforest where i mingled with the clouds and the other blessed creatures, and it maybe cracks the top ten. it's so good! like, i legit listened to it twice in a row, that was something where i knew i missed so much from laughing too hard. good work and sorry about your dad.

9) Southsiders, by Atmosphere: Whenever I feel disconnected from Minneapolis, I remember that I live in the same city as the Rhymesayers offices and reroot myself. I will cop to not being that deep in the Rhymesayers catalogue, but knowing my local music scene makes vital and lasting records means a lot to me, and the main thing that keeps me from moving to another city, apart from the fact I don't drive, is that I'll never feel as close to whatever music that city makes as I do to Atmosphere. This isn't really a review insofar as it's me writing a love letter to Atmosphere.

10) The Retrieval, dir. Chris Eska: Dear MUBI, either I'm blind or there were no subtitles available for this film, and if there WERE no subtitles, I am hella available to offer transcription services for you. (I am not a professional transcriptor and have not transcribed anything before, don't hire me.) 'Cuz hoo boy, these were some mumbly, mumbly people. You can figure out what's going on because the plot isn't terribly complex (it's vaguely reminiscent of the single-greatest achievement in filmmaking history, Brother Bear) and all involved are giving wonderful performances, you don't necessarily need to hear Scruffy tell Band of Outsiders "He's a good kid." It communicates its story visually, and that's a dumb thing to say about a movie, but I'm dumb at movies so heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

11) Before Sunset, dir. Richard Linklater: I'm going to be referring to this as my favorite fantasy film of all time. NUTS TO YOU, PRISONER OF AZKABAN. (I don’t watch much fantasy.) The first film does have some plausibility, and it probably even actually happened, you spend one magical night with someone and spend the rest of your life thinking about them. I remain convinced that my soulmate was this girl I hung out with at a Cub Foods family picnic the summer before seventh grade. (An Atmosphere reference and a Cub Foods shout-out. This is a Minnesota-ass journal this week.) But there's no chance that you'd ever actually see that person again, so this film, about two people who have spent nearly a decade thinking about each other and letting that inform their lives, letting the love from that night sort of ruin the way they looked at love, seeing each other again is roughly as implausible as an orc. And it's that layer of fantasy that makes this a much more fulfilling movie than the first one. It's not just two twenty-somethings in love, it's two thirty-somethings who've lived and loved and hurt and now have an hour and change to express everything they've been thinking about the source of that life and love and pain for the last decade. And it's beautiful, like, I wanna have the scene where they talk about desire and goals and process playing on an infinite loop on some screen in my house. ("Isn't not wanting anything a symptom of depression?") I'm way more psyched to get to Before Midnight after this than I was for this after Before Sunrise.