#if anyone could tell me how to approach the topic help is greatly appreciated

[born-to-lose]

Not my nurse sister saying ADHD doesn't exist when I mentioned that some symptoms apply to me 🥲🥲🥲

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Posterity - part 2

Neil x gn!Reader

Chapter 2: Fireworks

(see chapter 1)

summary: New Year’s Eve. You promised your friend you would actually do some socializing, for a change. Let’s see how it goes.

warnings: some swearing, alcohol consumption

author’s note: even though this part of the story has been brewing in my mind for a good while, these two still found a way to surprise me.

3,2k words

The song for this chapter is Hazlett - Fireworks

I’m so grateful there’s so many of you still interested in stories about him. 

And, as always, all feedback is greatly appreciated. A penny for your thoughts?

----

“Wheeler. 8-1-9. Good evening, Operator.”

“Welcome, Agent. How may I assist you today?”

“I need a courier, but the cargo is too *sensitive* to use FedEx and we’re not done here yet.”

“Understood. How big is the parcel?”

“An old-fashioned suitcase? On the heavier side.”

“Copy. Please hold – …someone should be approaching your location any minute now. Anything else I can help you with?”

“I think I see them. Thanks, Operator.”

“Over and out.

—

The end of the year was slower. Most of the operatives were taking some family time, but that didn’t necessarily mean any fewer duties in the office. The teams planned their shifts around the holidays ahead, so everyone got time off when they needed it. You didn’t have any important personal obligations, although not being stuck behind the desk at midnight on New Year’s Eve was a nice perspective, especially since it looked like it was going to be a slow shift anyway.

And for the first time in years, you actually had something planned for the evening.

Might be because you’d promised Alex you would actually do some socializing.

Or because you had no other excuses as they’d accidentally told on you to your mutual friend, Sarah, who was hosting the party.

The effect was still the same - you were going out. It also meant out of your comfort zone, and that included at least a light knot in your stomach, but you kept reminding yourself it wasn’t like you wouldn’t know anyone there. You knew the hostess – …and yeah, that was pretty much it.

So a house full of strangers. Loud and questionable music, probably. Obligatory mingling, most definitely.

Maybe he was right and you were not as high-functioning as you’d like to think.

But first, before having second thoughts could make you cancel plans, you had to finish your work.

The doors clicked and you glanced up, only to see The Protagonist entering the office.

Not a rare sight, as the boss made an effort to personally check on you all from time to time. Always with a hearty smile plastered on his handsome face, and this day was no different.

“How’s my favorite team doing?”

“Favorite?” You smirked. “I bet you say that to all of them, boss.”

He grinned in response. “Doesn’t make it any less true.” You rolled your chair back slightly, and he gave you a small nod, perching on the edge of your desk as usual. “You a big fan of Elvis, Operator?”

Of course, he noticed.

“Not really,” you chuckled, but as he eyed you curiously, you felt that going into details was too much of a risk. Not that relations between office staff and agents were something frowned upon, or bringing personal items to the workspace was against regulations. Still. You simply shrugged. “Long story.”

“I bet it is,” pondered The Protagonist and arched a brow.

Alex could barely contain a knowing beam, so they tried to mask it with a cough and change of topic. “What’s new? Any special events incoming? Spill the tea, boss, to what do we owe this pleasure?”

He was not one to share anything of significance, and you knew the reason. The whole personnel did. Knowledge divided, and everything that came with the statement.

That was why you kept streaming cases back to other teams, after all - as a precaution.

“I just wanted to wish you all a happy New Year. And to tell you how much I appreciate you all.”

“Enough to give us a raise?” cut in Kraig.

He could be the most reserved out of you three, but he was always the one to spot and seize an opportunity.

The boss hummed, amused, then rapped his fingers against your desk and grinned smugly.

“How does 5% sound to you?”

“Make it 7 and we gotta keep that fav title just to ourselves,” said Alex, matching his expression.

“Deal.” The Protagonist reached out his hand and your friend shook it. Only then, he added, “Could have easily pushed for 10, you know.”

“Shit.”

He laughed, but as he slid off your desk, you caught a brief shadow clouding his features. Before you could bite your tongue, you asked quietly, “Everything okay, boss?”

Whatever was bothering him, got quickly hidden under a schooled expression and a trademark smile.

“Of course. Look at the time. Off you go, I bet you have better places to be.”

—

The house was crammed with people, all right. Loud music? Check, even if slightly less questionable than you’d expected.

Or that might have been that second drink in your hand talking.

The lights in the rooms were dimmed, which made it a little easier to navigate through people without getting into too many random conversations. Finally, you noticed a pretty empty area in the library; it looked like a promising spot to get a breather, finish your drink, maybe linger for a while longer and then take French leave.

You leaned against a wall with a quiet sigh. To hell with Alex, you’d socialized enough - and you could still make it back in time to watch fireworks from your apartment.

Laughter erupted somewhere nearby and your eyes landed on a small group of men on the other side of the room, lost in a jovial conversation you couldn’t quite hear. Among the overjoyed crew, however, there seemed to be a person stuck in a conundrum of politeness, captured in an unfortunate spot from where it was hard to make an exit - especially since one of the men standing the closest was quite grabby.

And you knew that unlucky bastard.

Technically, of course, because you’d never met in person before. You had the operatives’ faces and voices memorized, after all, and this one was hard to confuse with anyone else.

The photo in the files didn’t do his disheveled blonde mane justice, though.

And he was right there, almost empty glass in his hand, trying hard to focus on the conversation that was clearly boring him beyond comprehension.

Was it a conscious choice on your side? Or merely an instinct kicking in? You were about to ask yourself that many times later, but for now, you downed your drink and made your way to the noisy group.

“Neil, darling! Fancy meeting you here!” you gushed, squeezing yourself past the obnoxious-looking guy.

Neil gaped at you, perplexed.

“Hello,” he said with a cautious smile, a confused frown only deepened when you closed the gap between you to grant him a social kiss.

Perfectly hidden from the prying glances of his acquaintances, you went for your shot. “Do you need assistance?” you whispered as you brushed your cheek against his, hoping he would catch on fast enough.

Oh, he did.

“Jesus,” he breathed, and as you went for the other cheek, you saw how wide his eyes became for a second. “Get me out, please.”

“Right on.” You put on the most gracious smile, linked your elbow with Neil’s, and turned to the rest of the men. “Excuse us, gentlemen, the lady of the house needs this one in the kitchen, stat.”

Nothing too improbable, and you hadn’t seen Sarah for a while. The guys didn’t seem to mind, besides - no one sane would cross the hostess, even on a good day, and you were able to get out of their sight without too much of a bother.

You wanted to slip out of the hold as soon as the coast got clear, but Neil persistently kept you close as you marched towards the kitchen arm-in-arm.

The blue eyes swept through you up and down, as he was now the one to try to get the pieces together.

“How…?” he asked, and a sly smirk dangled in the corner of your lips.

“Habit.” You gestured vaguely, keeping your voice low and confidential. “I see an agent in distress, I come to help. Looked like you were about to drop dead from boredom out there.”

“Close call, yeah.”

“What was that conversation about?”

Neil rolled his eyes and sighed with exasperation.

“Sports.”

“Oh no, glad I could get you out in time, then,” you snorted and met his gaze, now lit with playful sparks.

“Me too.” He smiled and opened the kitchen door. As soon as you got inside, he stopped and put his hands on your arms, taking you in again. He dropped his head, scoffed, looked back at you, and squeezed your arms lightly, only then letting you go. “Sorry, I don’t mean to stare, but it’s so nice to finally put a face to the voice.”

“Ah, I already knew your face.” You grinned at his quirked eyebrow. “Might have seen your files, once or twice.”

“Blimey.” He beamed widely. “Shall we make it official?” he asked and reached out his hand. “Neil.”

You shook it and introduced yourself, earning a court nod in return.

There was no reason not to give him your name. It was a pleasantry, a custom, and you were both on neutral ground, after hours. Nothing inappropriate.

There was also that feeling you couldn’t quite describe. The apprehension you associated with newly met people was missing, instead, it felt like you’d actually known each other for years. Like his presence brought a certain comfort, even

But again, you were two drinks in, and about to fix yourself another one.

You looked around the neat, shabby chic kitchen, oddly empty of people - seeing as kitchens were usually one of the most favorite places to hang around at home parties. It was a rather pleasant breather to your overstimulated brain, even if you could still hear the music blasting in the adjacent room. Doubly so, now that you spotted a makeshift cocktail station prepared on the kitchen island.

“How about a refill?” You asked, pointing at the glass in Neil’s hand, as you walked towards the counter. “Vodka tonic?”

He squinted suspiciously. “Don’t tell me that my drink of choice was also included in the files.”

“Imagine that.” Laughing, you shook your head. “No, I saw you drinking something transparent, and judging by the fine selection of ingredients here, and assuming it wasn’t water–”

“You guessed it, all right.” Neil sent you an amused grin and watched as you prepared drinks for you both. “You like more color to your beverages, I see.”

“Can’t go wrong with something fruity,” you said, handing him his glass and topping a splash of vodka in yours with orange juice. “At least as long as it’s on the sour side, that is. Cheers!”

The glasses clinked and you perched on the bar stools together. “So how did you end up here?”

“I’ve known Steve since uni. He always invites me, but I’m rarely in town. I didn't have any plans, and it seemed better than staying in another sad hotel room.” Neil paused and took a sip of his drink, partially to hide a hint of a bitter grimace. But as he rolled his shoulders and glanced back at you, a light smile played on his lips again. “Thought I might give it a shot. You?”

“I know Steve’s other half. And same - she keeps inviting me, and apparently, there's a finite amount of excuses you can use before someone takes offense.” You made a face and scoffed softly into your glass.

Humorous sparks lit up his eyes. “Not a big fan of socializing?”

“Depends on the crowd,” you admitted, and he nodded without an ounce of judgment. This evening had proven your point to him, after all.

The song in the background changed. Neil perked in his seat, and when the realization dawned on you, your mouth fell open in astonishment.

“This is not happening.”

Neil raised his hands and choked out through laughter, “I had nothing to do with this, I swear.”

You chewed on your lip, trying to stifle a hysterical giggle, then squeezed your eyes shut. What are the chances…?

“Wanna dance?”

A warning siren blazing in your mind was loud enough to get through the music, and you stopped swaying your foot to the rhythm instantly.

“I don’t dance–” you began, but suddenly the kitchen doors flew open and the familiar buoyant group of men rolled into the kitchen, irreversibly tainting the peace of the space with their obnoxious noisiness. Neil’s face dropped at the sight, and you ground your teeth as you bit back the rest of the sentence. You took his hand and finished the rest of your drink in one swig. “Okay, come on.” Then you led him to the other room, and he held onto your hand until you found a little bit of space in the crowded dance floor area.

//Baby, close your eyes and listen to the music

Drifting through a summer breeze

It's a groovy night and I can show you how to use it

Come along with me and put your mind at ease//

Maybe that was the solution, you thought as you swallowed hard through rising nervousness. The music blasted through the speakers loud enough to tune out the internal litany of curses, and you let it wash over you.

And you let it go.

Luckily, Neil’s carefree vibe was so effortless to match, because he didn’t take himself too seriously on the dance floor as well. Soon enough, you both sang along to the lyrics, making silly faces while you danced off each other as if you played to the longest inner joke The Universe had granted you.

The utter joy that resonated between you. Expanding your chest, bringing the biggest smile to your face. Making everything easy. That was why one song turned into two, three, and then you stopped counting, so even when the choice of tunes took turn into trashy classics, you had so much unapologetic fun that you didn’t want it to stop.

None of you did.

Finally, DJ switched tempo, and you fell into each other’s arms, giggling uncontrollably while you tried to catch your breaths.

“So, Elvis,” you said, attempting to school your features enough to wipe the idiotic grin off your face.  

Neil took your hand in his, the other one placed on your waist. “Could be worse.”

“You think?” you snickered, then followed him instinctively as you gently swayed to the music together.

“Well, he has some of the most beautiful love songs in the world.”

When you searched his eyes, you found something sincere shining through the playfulness. It caught you off-guard and a new kind of warmth pooled inside you, one that didn’t have much to do with dancing the last half an hour away.

“Careful, or they’re gonna revoke your British passport.”

He scrunched his nose and shrugged dismissively.

“Well, you’d get me a new one, right?”

“Right.” And although you laughed - because how could you not, so close to that contagious smile of his - the familiar knot tightened in your stomach.

The word bounced around inside your head, making you painfully aware of the situation.

Right, right, right, right, right.

Only that it wasn’t.

Even if it felt very much so up to this moment.

Neil’s voice snapped your attention back to him. “It’s almost midnight,” he said. “That balcony should make for a nice spot if you want to watch fireworks.” With the way studied your expression, you were almost sure he noticed your sudden mood swing.

“Sure, let’s go.” You forced a little smile. “Let me just grab my coat.”

The air was crisp, sobering.

With the anticipation palpable all around you, it was hard not to think about what another year was about to bring. You weren’t one to let anxiety roam free, you couldn’t be efficient at your work if you were. Instead of worrying, it was better to act, but maybe it was the alcohol mixed with the heaviness you felt after that last bit of conversation, perhaps prompted even earlier by the boss visiting your office. All combined together rang in a deep sigh, almost forcefully pushed through your tightened chest.

Neil shot you a curious glance. “Feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders?”

“Don’t you, sometimes?” you asked, sending him one back. “With all the saving it requires?”

He looked at the city skyline, pondering over your question for a while.

“Everyone has a responsibility towards a slice of reality they live in.” A corner of his mouth lifted. “Ours just happens to be a little bigger.”

“A whole goddamn cake,” you snorted. “That inverted entropy really makes the flavor pop though, huh?”

He met your eyes, his own lit up with amusement, and hummed, “It sure does.”

Someone next to you started the countdown, and when it got to zero and the world around erupted in cheers and blasting lights, you found yourself in Neil’s arms, and it was all that mattered at that moment.

It was ‘good luck next year’ and so much more. It was ‘I see you, and you are not alone'. The tight embrace of ‘so good to be next to someone who gets it’. And warmth. Immense comfort. Safety. Two souls touching and recognizing each other in a mad world, sharing a gleam of peace among the people unaware of the stakes.

When you pulled back, you exchanged a soft smile and turned to watch the fireworks, arms pressed together as if to prolong the contact.

The rest of the party went by fast. You found a relatively quiet place, sat down with drinks, and talked about everything and nothing in particular, simply enjoying each other’s company. As much as you did your best to stay present and not let anything break the spell too soon, it was bound to happen at some point.

And it did, just as you stepped outside the building and were about to call it a night.

“Do you want to grab a coffee?” asked Neil as he walked you to an Uber. “Not now, obviously, but-”

The heart sank in your chest as you cut in, “Listen, I-” There was only one way to say this, even if it went against any reason after a night like that. And he wasn’t making it any easier, looking at you with brows knitted together in gentle concern. “Back in the kitchen, what I’ve been meaning to say was that I don’t dance...with my agents. I’m so sorry if I lead you on tonight.” You held his gaze with bated breath, scanning for any switch in the behavior.

“Not at all.” There wasn’t any. Instead, Neil gave you a reassuring smile, his eyes never losing light shining bright inside them. “Thanks for making this night fun. And for saving me.”

“Of course. It was nice to meet you, Agent,” you said and reached out your hand.

He drew a bottom lip between his teeth and chuckled. “You too, Operator. Have a good night.” As he shook your hand, his thumb stroked it ever so slightly. “Happy New Year.”

Alone in your own bed, you could still feel that soft brush against your skin. His light stubble on your cheek. The heat of his body. His scent, fresh and warm in its citrus and woody undertones. The arms wrapped around you.

Those memories could possibly haunt you, only deepening that hollow pit inside of you.

But for now, you didn’t care, because that night you were falling asleep with a smile on your face.

Somehow feeling less alone in the world.

---------

And that was enough.

(next chapter->)

taglist: @hollandorks ​ @neilsgirl91 @thecraziestcrayon

[xaharadesert]

Badass & Chill MC - Headcanon

Arcana Characters (Main 6) x MC

A/N: This one is for @sam-gad, although Tumblr won’t let me tag them for some reason!! They were very helpful in determining where I would take this prompt! The premise is fairly self explanatory— MC who is chill for the most part, but can absolutely kick anyone’s butt if necessary! Please let me know if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes :) requests are open! And thank you everyone who has continued to send in support over this past week, it means the world to me!

❤️Julian❤️

Oh, this man is more than excited to find out that you can destroy anyone in a fight

When he first met you, and saw how relaxed you seemed to be, he was worried that you wouldn’t fit well with his more… dangerous lifestyle

But the moment the two of you had ended up in danger, with seemingly no way out, you practically changed into a different person

He had been ready to defend the both of you, but clearly there was no need

From then on, it was usually you who would do most of the fighting (Julian would do his best to help, but let’s be real, you could probably take down two or three people in the time it took him to take down one)

Julian would likely find himself getting injured or arrested significantly less than before, which he would only be mildly disappointed about

When you weren’t helping him out in a fight, your relatively chill demeanour would certainly help keep him from doing anything more reckless than necessary

In personality, you seemed to be opposites, but your lifestyles complimented each other perfectly

Where you will calm, he was dramatic, and where he was clumsy, you were infallible

🧡Portia🧡

Admittedly, Portia isn’t exactly the kind of woman to need much help in a fight

She more than makes up for her lack of combat training with enthusiasm, and, honestly, most people would flee after she tries to bite them

However, having someone as skilled as you around for when some stubborn jerks refuse to back down is always a good idea

Portia is super excited to see how awesome you are in a fight, and absolutely wants to learn some of your cooler moves

(You might have to break her heart a little by telling her it takes a very long time to learn, but she’s nothing if not determined)

Your relaxed personality is a big help to her in day to day life, seeing as she’s so excitable

That’s not to say her enthusiasm is a bad thing, it’s just good to have someone around who can keep a level head and work through things calmly when she tries to charge ahead with nothing but her emotions

You two balance each other out perfectly— she makes sure your day to day life is exciting, and you make sure the adventures you take her on are as safe as possible

💛Lucio💛

As we all know, Lucio is absolutely one to talk about his past battles; or, more specifically, one to tell grand tales about his many glorious victories

With that being said, you would likely allow him to ramble on about himself, not too concerned about comparing your own skills to his

So when the moment to fight comes, and Lucio tries to step in front of you in an attempt to protect you, and you absolutely demolish the enemy within moments, suffice to say, he was shocked (and maybe a bit disappointed he didn’t get to show off)

He shakes off his initial surprise easily enough, and immediately starts declaring that “of course you’re one of the strongest warriors to walk the Earth, I have impeccable taste in romantic partners”

(And let’s be honest, he’s only all the more attracted to you after he finds out how amazing you are in battle)

He brags to everyone he meets that his partner is an undefeated champion of combat, even if you may be significantly more humble

Admittedly, he is slightly insecure about the fact that you could beat even him in a fight— he always prided himself on his combat ability, and thought it would be one of his more charming aspects that he could bring to the relationship

If you agree to spar with him, it might be in your relationship’s best interest to let him win a round or two, if only to motivate him into practicing harder until he really can defeat you

You having a more calm approach to life definitely helps keep Lucio grounded; he sometimes struggles with his temper and pride, and having you with him helps him to keep himself from flying off the handle at whoever dared breathe wrong in his direction

💚Muriel💚

You never lose a fight? Thank goodness, then he can let you handle yourself

Muriel doesn’t enjoy fighting, and generally prefers to not be involved at all, but he knew that if it really came down to it, he would protect you however necessary

But when he found out that you were more than capable of looking after yourself, his relief was monumental

He was still somewhat irrationally nervous about you going to dangerous locations alone, and insisted on accompanying you, but every time he witnessed you knocking someone out it only served to reassure him that you genuinely would be fine without him

Furthermore, your calm personality helped reduce his anxieties greatly

Spending time with you, enjoying the simple pleasures of life, and seeing how you were supposedly never really worried about anything brought him great amounts of comfort

You were like a rock he could always rely on for support: unshakable, strong, and dependable

Honestly, not a lot of people picked fights with the two of you

Between your completely relaxed demeanour in even the most threatening of circumstances, and Muriel’s sheer size and intimidating presence, most people did their best to stay out of your way

💙Asra💙

Asra is, perhaps, the only person who could rival your calmness on a day to day basis

The two of you seem to be completely in sync with your emotions (even without the help of your shared heart), and constantly exist in a state of relaxation

Even when you journey to the far ends of the Earth, the two of you seem to be completely comfortable with whatever situation you find yourselves in

You could be kidnapped and tied up in the back of a wagon, and you’d be joking with each other, seemingly not at all concerned with the circumstances

Of course, this is largely in part of the fact that both you and Asra now you could destroy anyone you really wanted to

Not that you would, but you absolutely could

Asra feels very reassured by the fact that he doesn’t have to protect you, even if he wants to do so anyway (although, the exception is anytime you appear to be sick, at which time he panics and refuses to allow you to do anything that may make it worse)

In all honesty, despite your skill, Asra doesn’t particularly want to encourage fighting

He would much prefer the two of you to cuddle up in the shop, drinking tea, and discussing what you did in the few parts of the day you weren’t together

💜Nadia💜

Admittedly, she’s a bit worried when she first witnesses your prowess on the battlefield

As incredible as your skills are, she worries about what you will do with him (her past with Lucio still makes her anxious, no matter how irrational the thought may be)

However, she’s greatly reassured when she sees how calm you are otherwise

She’s grateful to have someone relaxed in her life, to remind her to slow down and process what’s happening in her life, if even for a moment

Nadia enjoys hearing about your perspective on topics that are often emotionally charged— you seem to be able to remain level-headed when her couriers cannot

She also enjoys sparring with you when she has some time off

It’s a great way to relieve stress, and, since you’re a much more impressive fighter than she is (as outlandish as that may seem), she feels as though she’s actively improving for each moment longer she manages to stand against you

Please don’t go easy on her, she doesn’t appreciate being condescended to, and she’s eager to learn

Nadia appreciates that the two of you have so much to offer each other; learning and growing together is one of Nadia’s favourite parts of your relationship

[bibbykins]

Cookies and Fingertips (M)

Some Jimin loving! We love to see it! I hope you all enjoy this installation as I try to figure out how to properly flesh out characters in a drabble series. Am not sure how I’m doing there but I hope you all enjoy it nonetheless. As always, tips are not required but greatly appreciated, just like your thoughts! Pls share your thoughts though, they brighten my day!

Note: This is part of a drabble series The Household’s Bunny

Summary: You and Jimin met long before you moved in, and yet, you’re not sure if he even likes you. So what else is there to do but take every opportunity to talk to him until you figure it out? 

Jimin has had a debilitating crush on you long before you moved in and he is almost positive there is no way you’d feel the same. And yet, he doesn’t have the strength to properly avoid you.

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: 18+, soft yandere-ish, obsessive thoughts, possessive thoughts, fingering, handjob, subspace, cum eating (sorta?), discussion of hospitalization, mentions of a stalker, mentions of passing out, the word “fat” is used, a moment of thigh riding, surprise kiss, insecurity

Jimin looked across the courtyard as his eyes remained fixated on your form. You were a simple second year in college and he was just a breath away from graduating. He first laid eyes on you a mere year ago and he can't remember what life was truly like before you smiled at him. You both had only ever exchanged pleasantries, so he opted to wait for the right time to make his move.

“That’s not true.” Your voice snapped Jimin from his staring contest with the PowerPoint slides, “That’s an antiquated idea, not a proven theory.” He looked to you, a couple rows down. You were plump and cute to say the least. He recognized you from a few of his courses. He had heard you were a double major in Art and… damn, what was the other?

The man you had rebutted had his face turning red, “It is proven, it was studied in 1973 with significant results yielded.” Jimin had no idea what you both were debating but he watched a sea of student nod in agreeance with you, some with the guy. What class was he even in? He looked at the PowerPoint slides, reading them for the first time today. Ah, he was in his psych of gender class. Maybe you were a psych major.

“In 1973, with no women in the participant pool, are you not seeing the issue in making a multi-gendered generalization whilst utilizing one genders perspective, a perspective that is also quite dated, mind you?” You cocked a brow and Jimin found himself a bit amused at the man who scoffed.

“You learn those words in high school two months ago?” He snapped back and Jimin grimaced along with most of the lecture hall. 

“What? You need me to define them?” You quipped, eliciting some laughter as the professor regrouped.

“Ah, educational discourse.” The professor joked lightly as Jimin’s eyes remained fixed on you as you noticed a few lingering gazes on you, shrinking in your seat.

He saw you in the lunch hall, sitting alone, not uncommon for anyone in college, except your eyes were a bit puffy. Before he could even question the urge, he acted. Within a few steps, he was at your table and you looked up in confusion, “Uh, hi?” You meekly spoke and Jimin realized he had no plan.

“U-Uh, you… uh… do you like the cookies?” He forced out and immediately wished he could disappear.

You looked down at the cookie on your plate, “Uh, yes? Is-Is this a fat joke or do you actually want to know?” You asked cautiously.

Jimin’s eyes widened, “No, I mean yes, I mean no, I would never make fun of your weight.” He squeezed his eyes and sighed, not able to see your growing smile at his mental turmoil, “I have psych of gender with you and people rarely talk in that class so I thought you were pretty cool.” He smiled and he noticed you relax.

You nodded, smiling slightly, “Ah, I see. Thank you.” You beamed and it was like he felt the warmth from you, “I don’t do super well with attention but I also have poor impulse control.” You chuckled and he finally understood why you had cried and his heart strings were tugged a bit, “And yes, the cookies are good.” You split one in half and offered it to him.

Life goes by a lot quicker when one waits for the perfect opportunity. This much he found out quickly when he found himself a year later, looking across the courtyard at you, this time as your TA. He tried dating to get the daunting idea of talking to you after that singular interaction in which he forgot to give you his name from his mind to no avail. No matter, surely this would be the year.

”Jiminie is so hot!” Jimin continued to pretend not to hear his ex, Yoora, whine in your ear as he observed the intro to modern dance class.

You looked to her thoughtfully as you stretched, “You mean the TA, that is not that far away?” Your voice was lowered, but he could still hear you. He found himself listening closer, wondering if you remembered the singular interaction you both had. Yoora nodded in the corner of his eye.

“Yep.” She affirmed, “We dated, it was magical, and he’s still hot.” She mused and Jimin grimaced a bit, feeling bad he dated a girl that seemed to be a decent friend of yours, “Do you know him?”

Jimin perked up a bit, “We talked once, seems nice, is obviously hot.” You shrugged, “I doubt he remembers me, though.” You leaned down to reach past your left foot as Yoora urged you on with her eyes, “I had gotten into a weird debate with this one dude in a class we had and he saw me after, and I had just cried because I hate arguing and stares.” You and Yoora laughed a bit, “Then, he just came up to me and asked if I liked the cookies I were eating, and I wasn’t sure if he was calling me fat at first.” Yoora gasped and Jimin felt pain just thinking about the awkwardness, “He wasn’t, and he got cutely flustered when I asked and then I gave him half of my cookie and that’s all.” You moved to your other leg, “And then he never talked to me again.” You laughed and Jimin wanted the floor to swallow him.

Another year goes by. The day before he was going to try and ask you out, you were hospitalized. He didn't know how to even approach the topic with you, but he did try to be there for you throughout that year. The professor he was TA for insisted Jimin also utilize his emails, so all throughout your brief stay in medical care, it was him who received your bubbly emails. The emails full of little emoticons and exclamation points that made him giddy and took him hours to conceptualize a response to. Although you didn't know it was him giving you extensions and safe regards, he still meant it. 

He was practicing when he got the email, 

“Attention students, 

We have received knowledge of an incident that has resulted in the hospitalization of a student that occurred within an apartment close to campus. Proper authorities have been notified and the student is recovering well. Please remain safe and vigilant.” 

His face twisted in confusion when he got a text from the professor he was TA for that you were the student in question.

Throughout the semester, Jimin watched you with careful eyes as you slowly acclimated back to yourself. He wondered how he could have been so blinded by your smile that he couldn't properly see your eye bags or the way you looked over your shoulder when you thought no one was looking at you, or how he couldn't see he wasn't the only one looking at you. 

When you returned, he watched your eyes relax and your guard go down again. He just wished he could've been there to help you get there. He trudged home one day and found you, and then his whole world was flipped by you again.

Since moving in, he found himself way more advanced with you than he ever imagined. You would plop next to him on the couch and give him a smile, "How was your day, Jiminie?" You beamed at him each time and he nearly choked on his spit each time.

He would mumble an answer and you would hum before watching TV with him, a show he deliberately put on each time he heard you come home. Eventually, you began watching competition shows together, theorizing who would win what. It was comfortable and close, and he found himself falling for you even harder.

"Do you wanna have lunch together?" Your voice pulled him from his thoughts in the practice room he had on his floor in the building. He had agreed to help with your final. The only time he could talk to you without it being a mental nightmare was when it was about dancing. The only time he could initiate contact was in this studio. 

The studio gave him a certain air of confidence that even you could see. He wasn't a different person, more so multi-faceted. There was the shy and bumbling part of Jimin just as much as there was the sharp-eyed and focused Jimin. Not to mention the way his fingers would dance on your form as he gave you pointers made you unreasonably aroused.

Even so, determined to challenge himself, he nodded, "Lead the way." His voice was smooth even after two straight hours of practice and you wondered how he could look so hot work out clothes.

You both decided to pick up food and eat it at the studio. You sat across from each other as you ate in polite conversation. It was after you both picked up the food and sat on the floor you spoke up again, "You know, Jiminie." You started, eyes shyly fixated on the floor, "I wanted to thank you for not telling the guys about my, uh, incident a year ago." You finally looked him in the eyes, a soft smile on your face, "Not that it's a huge secret, especially on campus, but I just prefer to tell people myself." You mused.

He blinked, surprised you would thank him for something like that, "O-Of course, I mean, a lot of rumors were going around anyways, so even if I did want to tell them, I doubt I have only the facts." He shrugged, "It's not anyone else's business regardless."

You stifled a little giggle, "Yeah, some of the stories got a bit crazy." You sighed a bit, "From a stalker attacking me to me passing out in the middle of the street." Jimin looked up at you. You didn’t meet his gaze, most likely reliving the aftermath of the whole campus finding out you were hospitalized and are a cam girl in the same week. Not that you were ever hiding you job, but you just wished you could tell people on your own terms.

"Yeah, some crazy things get told in the Arts department." He murmured, "I only knew most of the facts because your TA for Professor Lee's class."

It was your turn to look up, but instead of confusion he saw a polite smile, "I know, silly." You chuckled and when you saw his confused face you looked at him incredulously, "Come on, you're Park Jimin! Of course I'm gonna know the 'hottest dance major'" You fake gushed and he finally broke a laugh, making you giddy. 

"Of all things to know me by." He shook his head, smile still present.

You studied his face as his eyes scrunched and cheeks lifted, making you smile as well, "I've never made you smile before and your smile is so pretty." You mused, "I need to step up my comedy game."

"You've never seen me smile?" He looked surprised at this, considering he always smiled like an idiot when he stared longingly at you.

"I mean, sort of, but not to this degree." You shook your head, "I was starting to think you didn't like me for a while." 

His eyes widened at this and he panicked, "No, no! I do like you, a lot!" He exclaimed, much to your amusement and to his dismay. You watched him get red with a grin.

He stammered, staring at his fork before he heard your melodious laugh. He looked up and his face softened at the sight of your smile, "You're too cute, Jiminie." You reached forward and pinched his cheek, making his breath hitch. Your cooing tone made something click inside him. He didn't want to be just cute to you, he wanted to be more than any adjective, he wanted to be yours.

He reached up, hand going to wrap around your wrist loosely, "I was the hottest a second ago and now I'm just cute?" A glint of confidence shown in his eye as he made you gulp, "Is that all you think of me, y/n?" Your own name coming from his mouth sent a shiver down your spine and a beat to your core.

You were in a trance while being eyed by the man with a vastly different energy than he had just moments ago. You shook your head lightly, "I think you're beautiful." He cocked a brow and you scrambled for more words, "I had a huge crush on you from the moment I gave you half of my cookie." You breathed before even thinking, snapping you back to reality as you watched his eyes widen, "Ah, me and my mouth!" You admonished yourself, "I didn't mean to make you uncomf-" You frantically moved to take your hand back only for his grip to tighten, pulling you forward, placing your hand at the nape of his neck while his arm wrapped around your waist.

You gulped at the newfound closeness, bodies nearly pressing against each other as he eyed you sharply, "Do you mean it?" He breathed, "You had a crush on me?" You made a move to slink away, but you he gracefully laid himself down with you on top of him, his thigh mere centimeters from your core and he gave you a mischievous smile, "Don't leave me hanging." He teased.

"I-I mean… yes, but can-"

He cut you off with a sigh and a laugh. You braced yourself for him to laugh at you, and say how weird it would be had you confessed and how weird the idea of you two together would be.

It's a song and dance you've seen many times as a hopeless romantic chubby girl. Of course, now you know you were just too much woman for such little men, emotionally little at the very least, but you would be a liar if you didn't still feel the hurt of humiliation. The last thing you wanted was to look into Jimin's eyes and find the same pitying glint, but you were nothing if not a bit brave, at least sometimes.

You forced your eyes from his chest to his gaze and found… an emotion you've only every seen in the eyes of your housemates, an emotion you don't quite know yet, even if you felt it too. At your curiosity, Jimin beamed at you further, "I'd be really frustrated right now if you weren’t on top of me." He chuckled a bit and explained further before you could ask why, "I have had such a huge crush on you for years now." You balk at this, shaking you head.

"That's not a funny joke, Jiminie." You huffed, "If I were even a bit more gullible, I would seriously believe you and then my feelings would be hurt-" He pulled you flush against him as he captured your mouth in a soft and sweet kiss. He was slow, but focused, in the way his mouth moved against yours.

Inside, though, Jimin was freaking out. What if you didn't actually want to kiss him? Why didn't he ask beforehand? Should he pull away? But your mouth feels so good. Are you kissing him back or is he just that enthusiastic?

You laid his worries to rest when you used the hand at his nape to pull him closer, mouth opening to nibble on his bottom lip. He groaned lightly, pulling you closer as his tongue mingled with your own and he pressed his thigh into the thin material of your leggings. You gasped at this and it was like a fire lit within him as he sat up and shifted you for your legs to be on both sides of him as he pressed his mouth onto yours further.

His fingertips danced along your form in a much different context than you were used to, but fuck, did it feel nice. Where one arm was securely holding your waist, his hand reached beneath your shirt, getting accustomed to the soft skin as he waited for you to nod. You wanted him to touch you further. You didn't understand what all these hot men wanted with you, but right now, it didn't matter one bit. 

Jimin's eyes rolled back when he reached in your sports bra to run his fingers over your hardened nipples. You twitched against him as you gasped, fingers intertwining with his hair roughly, "Shit." He groaned at the sensation.

You both sloppily kissed as he explored your chest with his hands, moaning into each other's mouths at the euphoria of unresolved feelings coming to fruition and the sexual tension finally snapping as you gave him unrestricted access to feel you beneath his fingertips, "Wanted this for so long." He murmurs into your mouth, "So beautiful, fuck." The praises don't stop, and only further spur you wandering hand on as you feel his sculpted stomach.

"Wanna touch you." You whine as your fingers play with the waistband of his sweats and he nods, his own hand travelling down to cup your core, making you squeak, "Fuck, I'm so wet." You realized, half embarrassed and half aroused.

You could feel his amusement as he slipped his hand beneath your tights and panties to make skin to skin contact with your soaked core, and he didn't know how he made it this far, but he just wants to keep going as he feels you soak his hand, "Yeah, baby, you are, just for me." He moans when you follow his lead, hand wrapping around his hardened erection and giving a small squeeze, "Shit!" He gasps as you wiggled your hips against his hand, grinding yourself little by little. 

Your hand massaged the head, smearing the precum as you begin stroking him. You both continue moaning into each other's mouths as his hips jerked and you twitched against his hands, "So fucking wet, baby, so sexy." He growled and he slipped a finger inside of you, him groaning at your pulsating warmth wrapped around his finger, "Slid right in, angel." He praises and you let out a choked gasp and he presses his thumb against your clit.

He drank your moans into his mouth like they were an oasis in the desert, and he’s not sure how he’s lived this long without them. Without you by his side and in his arms. He held you close, refusing to even consider loosening his grip because your body against his was bliss in the highest form. You were his, even if just in this moment, and you would be nobody else’s. Nobody could make him feel the way you do, and he, along with the other men that resided in the building, were determined to hold the same monopoly over your emotions. He refused to entertain the idea of anyone beyond this building making you feel anything close to what he was now as he pushed a second finger in, relishing in the strangled moan you gave as you babbled about feeling full.

With the excitement of his dream girl dripping against his hand and your own hand working expertly on his dick, Jimin could feel himself getting close and you could tell from the breathy whines he gave you as he began thrusting his hips in time with his fingers inside you, "Cum for me, Jiminie." You purred before licking at his tongue and he came beautifully with his eyes screwed shut and mouth open as you swiveled your hips agains his, now two, fingers.

"Baby, so good." He whined as his high settled down. He shifted all focus to you and your impending orgasm as he watched you fuck yourself onto his hand, "Feeling good, darling?" He asked teasingly and you nodded dumbly, lips pressed together as you felt your high approach, "I can feel you clenching around my fingers, fuck, you gonna cum in my hand all pretty?" He cooed and you nodded as he met your thrusts, making you clutch onto him harder.

"Can I cum?" You whimpered and Jimin could almost feel himself get hard again at how willing you were to give him the reigns.

"Because you asked so sweetly, of course my love." He let the name slip before you both could even acknowledge it consciously. However, the closeness and the intimacy of it all sent you over the edge and you bit down on his shoulder in attempt to hide how loud you were. He held you close, not minding one bit at the mark you were surely leaving as he fucked you through your orgasm, "Felt good, angel?" He mused and you tucked your face into his neck as you nodded, holding him close as his finger stilled but kept you full until he felt you relax. 

You both giggled as you met eyes, licking the other person's cum off of your hands, "Thank you Jiminie." You hummed cheerily.

"Thank you, bunny." He chided before giving you a kiss, "We all really, really, like you, you know that right?" He asked and noticed your hesitation.

"Sure, but people can be sexually attracted to me and not want to… be with me." You spoke wistfully, "People can like me and not want to be with me." You let out a humorless laugh, "And few things make me feel as dumb as getting my hopes up for no reason." Although you had a tendency to do it time and time again.

"Don't be scared to assume we want you as much as you, hopefully, want us." He spoke quickly before he planted another kiss on you and the affection made you smile.

"You realize the irony of the statement coming from you, right?" You chuckled as he helped you stand on shaky legs before just carrying you, "I cum once for you and all of sudden you know everything and are all confident." You chided, unsure how to process his words yet, mind hazy from your orgasm.

"What can I say? You opened my third eye." He joked and you rolled your eyes before leaning your head on his shoulder, enjoying his embrace, the idea of your housemates loving you back seeming just slightly less like an outlandish fantasy, "Although, it will wear off and then we'll have to do it all over again." He sighed dramatically and you giggled.

"What a shame." You fake gasped, "I hate engaging in sexual relations with hot guys." You complained sarcastically.

"So you do think I'm hot!" Jimin cheered triumphantly.

You laughed against him and realized the only times you felt so free were with your beloved housemates. You wondered if they felt the same. You also found a more insecure part wondering for how long they would feel that way. How long would it be until a girl, or several, much prettier than you or less needy catches their attention. You wondered if you could take the pain of watching the sincerity drain from their eyes just as you've seen in your mom, your dad, your uncle, your first relationship to your last. You wondered what it was about you that made it so easy to be left behind.

Jimin's phone pinged, ripping you from your melancholic thoughts. He sighed, pulling it out and you fought the urge to see if it was another person vying for his romantic attention. He didn't belong to you, even if you wanted him to, "Ah, Namjoon wants to know if you want the demo for the new zombie game he's working on and Jin wants to know if you'd like your first pick of the new stickers he got, and Hoseok wants to try a new hairstyle on you and ah, they all sent me something to ask you…. Gosh, they all think I'm your secretary when we're together." He whined and you held onto him tighter with a light laugh as he went through everyone's inquiries for you.

You also found yourself how you went on this long without them and how you could even consider hesitating if they asked you to stay with them for much longer.

Tip Jar

[ayamturd]

aroace│mcyt hc

warnings: small mentions of hate, fluff

prompt: (requested) “could I request headcanons on how each mcyt would react to reader coming out as aroace? platonic btw!”

pairings: irl platonic! dream, ranboo, and tommy ; c!technoblade

a/n: as i myself do not identify as an aroace, pls correct me on any misconceptions or things i did not portray accurately 

a special thanks to new friend @youtubesthings​! they’re pretty pog and gave helpful insight to specific parts 

wc: (1.0k) - m.list

dream - 

you’ve known dream for a while now, long before he began to attract online fame

even then, you were still hesitant to come out to him 

rationally, you knew how supportive dream was for his friends, but reason doesn’t stop the fear of rejection for being yourself 

he’s an affectionate guy that isn’t afraid to express his (platonic!) love for others, and while you’re not romantically involved with him, it’s still terrifying to think that he might push you away for how you perceive relationships

whether you identified as an aroace for some time or only recently discovered the fact for yourself, you felt trapped and needed to tell someone

would approach him one evening and be closed off the entire conversation

he obviously would take note to your strange behavior and softly confront you about it

“Y/n, you okay? You seem on edge.”

“Actually, I-I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”

moment you managed get get the words out, there’s a slight pause before he speaks

“Oh. Is that all?” 

he’d pause and realize the implications to how his words sound and begin panicking

“No, wait that’s not what I meant. Y/n, that’s honestly so amazing, I’m so glad you trust me.”

if you were still wary to telling others, dream is the most trustworthy of your secret until you’re ready (he’s able to disclose only the things he wants people to know very well considering he’s faceless)

but if you decided to fully come out, you can bet he’s the loudest and most supportive person you know

will not hesitant to defend you from any haters or trolls and tries speak out for all aroaces 

admits he’s not the most knowledgeable but tries (will search things up in his own time)

genuinely takes your coming out seriously but treats you the same like the person you’ve always been

c!technoblade - 

let’s be honest here, technoblade isn’t canonically shown to have any romantic advances towards anyone in the smp

as a close ally and friend, you trusted techno easily and didn’t think much about coming out to him

“Hey Techno.”

“What?”

“I’m Aroace.”

“‘kay cool.”

this isn’t to say he doesn’t care, but he doesn’t see a point in fawning over the fact when it’s just you coming out as yourself

he’s closed off to some degree about how he normally feels on certain things, but your trust in him makes him feel more welcome to sharing his own thoughts and feelings

will honestly become confused should a person mock or be unaccepting of the fact, and instinctively will unsheathed his weapon

“Why are you laughing?” 

*pulls out Orphan Obliterator*

“No seriously, why?”

that being said, he honestly just forgets about it from time to time

he can keep secrets, no doubt, but considering how normalized he finds it, he isn’t really strict about talking about it if the situation comes up

if someone were to somehow imply you both were romantically involved, Techno would be so casual about it

“Aren’t you two together to something?”

“What? No, y/n’s Aroace, that’s weird.”

“…what?” :D

i mean you should’ve expected this when you first told him-

he’s the almighty Blood God, a fearless warrior that strikes down all his opponents mercilessly, and truth be told, someone who respects his friends greatly

ranboo - 

ranboo is unmistakably someone you thought of first when contemplating coming out

from his donation stream to his constant efforts of normalizing LGBTQ rights, ranboo has always been considerate of the fact

so one day you decided to tell him after a stream

it was late and he was honestly tired, but you wanted to get it out of the way before you lost the confidence go through with it again

“Hey Ranboo?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m Aroace.”

“…”

“Ranboo?”

“Sorry what? I didn’t hear you.”

he had yawned in the middle of you talking and didn’t hear you come out

honestly it was really funny to look back on, but he’d probably feel awful every time you reminded him

once you repeated yourself though, he was quick to celebrate and congratulate you

ranboo isn’t one to go into many heavy conversations, but if he noticed any hate or criticism once you fully came out, he will stop his stream just to emphasize how any hate is not tolerated on his channel, especially regarding his friends

if ever need be, he will (with your permission) speak on your behalf if someone didn’t understand what being aroace meant

he knows how to lightly joke around the topic and chooses to do so as a way to show he accepts you for how you are

that being said, doesn’t mention it often since he knows doing so can be demoralizing like a label

overall, never fails to express his support and (platonic!) love, and sees you beyond your coming out as his friend that he respects and appreciates

tommy - 

alright, okay

this is tommy we’re talking about here, a known advocate for LGBTQ rights; though he can say some mixed up intentions, his devotion to enforcing those rights on his channel and throughout his daily streams has always been endearing, but much like dream, the idea of telling someone so emotionally driven was nerve-racking 

it’s not like you didn’t plan on telling him, but he probably would have found out by accident

you had been in a discord call with him late at night and it slipped out naturally

“Have you noticed you’ve been shipped recently with (someone someone) lately?”

“I have, yeah. I hate it.”

“… why?”

“Oh it’s nothing against them, I’m Aroace.”

“Wait really?”

“…”

“...”

“Oh fuc-”

after you explained to him how you trusted him but honestly didn’t mean to tell him, he’d respect you for what it was and leave it be

tommy is sincerely mature when he needs to be, and won’t bring the subject up until you wanted to talk about it with him (since he wasn’t originally meant to know)

once you were ready though, he would go full protection mode

online, he’d make his support loud and clear, and while he’ll make mistakes from time to time, he has good intentions to heart

privately, he always tries to be subtle in his understanding if the topic or situation called for it

he’s proud of his friends (that’s a given), and will never hesitate to make it known that you are someone he admires for being themself

[jostepherjoestar]

Hii! Lá squadra with a maladaptive daydreamer teammate? Always pacing and always daydreaming ab smth. Talking to themselves and stuff. (sorlato included) thank u so so much ❤️

La Squadra and their maladaptive daydreamer teammate HC’s

Oh this was very interesting to think about, and to be honest a challenge to La Squadra’s capabilities of understanding others and their ways of being. Enjoy 💖✨(i’ve put this in a more positive? situation since it’s an actual disorder and i’m not sure anon meant it in that sense, not all daydreams can be good ones though. Take care my friends ☺️)

CW: maladaptive daydreaming that impacts daily and work life

also sorry if there’s mistakes, i barely edited, this was written before my mental auwchie that i’m working through rn!

Risotto

Risotto is one of the more understanding members of your team. He’s always observing and noticing the smallest changes in behaviour. Yours and that of your colleagues. From the very first day you became part of his team he’s noticed you stare off or just cease to listen to whatever was going on around you. Lost in your own little world, not even realising the deeps sighs you let out every once in a while, mind a million miles away. Sometimes he even hears you quietly talk to yourself, hardly making out what it is you’re saying, but when he hears your laugh- that genuine one reserved for the things you truly enjoyed- he’s assured that you’re not struggling at the moment. It’s only during important meetings that he’ll gently ask you to focus and be present. If it becomes a frequent hinderance and it starts to affect your work he’ll let you know privately, knowing you well enough by now that calling you out in front of the rest would be rude.

Formaggio

He finds it rather odd, questioning if you’re not just ignoring others while you live the daydreams that are far more entertaining and sometimes even exciting than whatever is going on in reality. Formaggio won’t beat around the bush, asking you bluntly if you get bored of him. It’s only when you explain yourself that he truly understands it, making him reflect on his own behaviour instead. He does often talk to himself, commenting on his own jokes, the people around him or just a random thoughts that had to make themselves known. When he notices that familiar pacing it makes him so curious to know what you’re thinking about. Often asking you what’s on your mind, even if it doesn’t really interest him, he’ll hear you out until he gets bored. He will, however, yell at you during missions if you happen to get caught up.

Illuso

What on earth could be more important than him? To be so entranced by something else while he’s clearly posing and basking in the beauty of the evening sun, ponytails perfectly parted and cascading down his shoulders, awaiting anyone’s attention. Like a groomed show cat, he’ll get annoyed and just ask for your attention instead. Ugh, why can’t you just realise he needs to be seen and appreciated every once in a while. Snapping you out of whatever daydream that was unfolding, surprised that so much time had already past. The plot was just getting juicy. “Why don’t you just write them down like a normal person?” His insult bringing you to the realisation that it wasn’t even a bad idea. When you thank him, that determined look in your eyes still not paying the man any mind, he sighs in disappointment. But halfway through writing down whatever grasped your attention before, you got even more distracted by a newer and more interesting one, opting to just go back and have a chat with Illuso so he’ll stop bothering you for attention.

Prosciutto

He’s never minded your daydreaming, never too present to witness the more intense bouts that made you pace the floor and clench your fists like today. After many attempts at trying to grasp your attention and failing every time, he just stops you dead in your tracks. The man’s hold perhaps a bit too strong for comfort as he searches your eyes for lucidity. “Calm down, ok! You’re making me nervous.” Prosciutto is a bit of a worrier himself, just not on the outside, gears always turning and analysing his surroundings and the people in it. It only sets hims off to see you pace and mumble. But he understands, extending that kindness he offers to Pesci to you, asking if you need anything to ease you back into reality. He can be softly kind and caring, he needs the rest of team to be in top shape so you’ll all be able to count on each other.

Pesci

Pesci will stare off with you, trying to see what had captured your attention, even getting up to stand behind you to see what was so interesting. It’s only after realising you weren’t paying attention at all that he realises you were lost in a daydream. He’s a bit curious about the whole thing, carefully asking you questions. He won’t completely understand but he tries his best and offers his help. Not really sure what he can do but very adamant on offering it anyway. If it affects you during missions Pesci will be sure to gently snap you out of it.

Melone

The enigmas of the human mind greatly interest Melone, having read more than enough books on the topic during research. Not that much is clear about the treatment of it though, so he’s interested in how you handle it. He’ll be sure to ask a lot of questions, about the topics of them, what could possibly trigger them. If it’s too much or too personal he’ll stop though, however it won’t erase his curiosity. He’ll observe from a distance instead then. After yelling at him that you’re not a human experiment he’ll actually back off and stop. Don’t worry though, if you need actual help after a bad day, the daydreams not really of a positive nature anymore, he’ll try his best to calm you down. If it get’s too bad he’ll urge you to seek help with professionals.

Ghiaccio

Just like with Prosciutto it’ll set him off as well. If you’re pacing and mumbling he’ll stop you as fast as possible, it’s too distracting and it enrages his senses. Even if you’re in your own room, he’ll hear the floorboards creak and storm over. His anger can be clouding, deep down he is truly concerned for you. But it never really comes out that way, he’ll scold you and demand your attention during meetings. When you calmly tell him afterwards that it’s not really helping and his yelling could set you off, he’ll take a DEEP breath to calm himself down. Realising that perhaps his anger isn’t the best option. After the short talk he’ll be a bit more calm and less harsh, holding himself back from lashing out and instead approaching a tinge more restrained.

Sorbet & Gelato

The two like to observe you from the couch, twisted into each other’s hold. Their amusement wears off though, realising that maybe it isn’t as entertaining as they first thought. Gelato will actually try and help you, gently ushering you back to reality, while Sorbet won’t offer any support. The two will mostly worry or reprimand you if starts to affect your work though. They need to be able to count on you and your full attention. After some convincing Sorbet will soften up, if only a little, at Gelato’s request. Instead yelling at you to snap back, he’ll intently poke your arm.

[taxicabinmemphis]

“I’m exhausted” Logan and whatever side you want (can be platonic or romantic), Logan's experiencing emotions he's not used to and it's draining

so i’m a sucker for analogical and this got long. tho honestly this is me we’re talking about so what did you expect?

“Logan!” Virgil exclaimed, slamming the logical side’s door open. “What in the name of Ray Toro are we going to do about Thomas driving near a club at night on Wednesday? That’s the route you suggested he take! But Thomas is going to get killed by a drunk driver if that happens! So, what do we do?!”

Logan sighed, picking his head up from the table on which it was resting. He put his glasses on, facing the anxious side. “We’ll be fine, Virgil. However, if it bothers you so much we can go on another street. Also, will you please knock next time?”

Virgil’s exclamations and anxiety-fueled antics stopped, and he finally got a good look at the logical side. He looked terrible.

“You good, L?”

Logan rolled his eyes, turning his head away from Virgil so the side couldn’t take notice of his messy state. “I’m fine. I have given you what you required, so unless you have any other qualms you wish me to take care of, please leave.”

“Yeah, I have one more ‘qualm’ or whatever you called it,” Virgil said, approaching Logan. “You.”

Logan exhaled, giving Virgil an irritated look. “Yes, of course. What did I do this time?”

Virgil sat on Logan’s table, on his left, and gave him a scrutinizing look. “You’ve done nothing wrong, as per usual, but you’re a mess.”

“Thank you,” Logan said sarcastically, though Virgil’s ‘as per usual’ did lighten his mood by the tiniest fraction.

“I don’t mean it as a thing you’ve done wrong, but...” Virgil gave him a once-over. “Your hair is a mess, your glasses are crooked and weren’t even on when I came in, your tie is incredibly loose, your top button is undone, and your shoes are untied. If I wore your clothing, that would be expected of me and might even be considered nice, but this is you we’re talking about.” He paused, looking into Logan’s eyes. “What’s going on with you, buddy?”

Logan tried to fix his hair, adjusted his glasses, and tied his shoes. He left his shirt and tie the way they were as fixing them would feel restricting. He had loosened his tie and unbutton the top button of his shirt a few hours before because he felt like they were hindering his breathing.

“This is a worry I will not be calming for you. I’d greatly appreciate it if you would leave and not tell anyone about what you saw here.”

“No.”

“Look, I’m not in a compromising situation. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

“You just told me,” Virgil said slowly, “me, not to worry.”

Logan sighed, putting a hand to his forehead. “Yes, I realize my mistake. Of course you’re worried. Fine. Worry somewhere that isn’t my room, please.”

Virgil crossed his arms. “Rude.”

“Exactly. No one wants to be around rude people. Leave me alone.”

Virgil shook his head, putting a hand on Logan’s shoulder, the logical side immediately shrugging it off. “I’m worried about you, dude. I can’t help it, you’re the voice of reason. If you’re not doing okay, Thomas will suffer. And I don’t mean this as criticism or pressure for you to be okay, just...it’s really important to make sure you’re alright. It can’t just be dismissed as one of my normal, unimportant worries. It wouldn’t be...logical to leave you like this.”

“I’m not fond of the fact that you are likely correct,” Logan grumbled.

“Great; we’ve established that I have to stay,” Virgil stated. “So, what’s up?”

“I...” Logan trailed off, thinking about how to voice his emotions. “I’m exhausted.”

“Hmm?”

“Every day I work tirelessly to provide you all with what you need. Schedules, explanations, assistance in educational activities. I join you all in most of your discussions, offering the logical explanation or solution for the current dilemma almost immediately, and yet no one listens. No one will heed my advice, or listen to my suggestions. I would gladly do what I do with no problem if it wasn’t like talking to a wall and telling it how to deal with its issues.”

“Logan...”

“I’m just...I don’t know...” He put his head back down on the desk.

“No one means to hurt your feelings.”

“It’s not that. I’m over being hurt, or offended...”

“Then?”

“I’m just so tired, V.”

Virgil didn’t have a response to that. Logan lifted his head to look at Virgil.

“There’s nothing else to it.” Logan rubbed his eyes under his glasses. “I’m tired. Exhausted. And I don’t know how to deal with it.”

“Get some sleep?” Virgil suggested. “I can talk with the others, fix our rude behavior. And I’m sorry, I know I can be rude to you-”

Logan thought back to Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts. Virgil had been particularly disrespectful that episode, but it was only because he thought that further conversation on the topic would only make Thomas’ situation worse and his likelihood of becoming a bad person all the more likely.

“You’ve only been rude to me recently when your anxiety was telling you that what I was doing would make things worse. Your actions were out of fear and were understandable and while I was annoyed, I am over it and require no apology.”

“Oh...okay,” Virgil replied quietly. “Thank you for understanding.”

“And talking with the others may help, if you’re up for it.”

Virgil nodded. “Maybe we could do it together? I don’t know exactly how you’re feeling, so having you there would help.”

“Of course.”

“...Would sleep help?” Virgil asked. “I know you work a lot so it could help with the fatigue. You don’t always listen to your own advice, so-”

“Not with this problem, I’m afraid,” Logan said with a grimace. “Sleep doesn’t take me away from dealing with everyone and my emotions permanently.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow. “Emotions, huh?”

Logan sighed. “Yes. It has come to my attention that I do indeed...feel things, despite it not being logical.”

“It may not be logical, but it’s normal.” Virgil furrowed his eyebrows. “What emotions are troubling you?”

“I’m not sure I would like to talk with you about it,” Logan said bluntly. “There’s more than I know what to do with.”

“Oh. Should I get Patton?”

“No!” Logan exclaimed, eyes widening at his own volume. “Apologies. No, that would not be appreciated.”

“Is it, like, anger over not being listened to? Irritation? Insecurity?”

Logan stared at him for a moment, before answering. “Yes. Those are some of the troubling emotions.”

“Among others?”

“Among others.”

“And you don’t want to talk with me about it because...”

Logan didn’t want to answer this. He knew he’d been feeling something for the anxious side lately, and it was before he walked in the Logan decided it was likely something akin to romantic love.

Virgil was just so wonderful. He was smart, thoughtful, protective, funny (at times), beautiful, and they got along very well.

Having those types of feelings for someone, especially Virgil, scared him. He also didn’t want Virgil to know, in case it hurt their friendship or heightened his anxiety.

So, he figured it would be best not to mention it.

“I would rather not talk about it at all.”

Virgil frowned. “But you singled me out. Why?”

“Because we are currently talking.”

Virgil gave him an unimpressed look—he clearly didn’t buy it.

“I don’t want you to know.”

Virgil nodded, looking away from Logan and to his lap. “You hate me, don’t you?”

“Wha- no!” Logan objected incredulously.

“It’s okay, I get it, no need to sugarcoat it,” Virgil said pitifully. “I undermine what you do, I annoy you with my worries, I-”

“Stop,” Logan commanded firmly. “None of those things are true. I’m not having trouble with hateful emotions...I’m having trouble with their opposites. Please don’t talk to me about them.”

“You’re having trouble with...love?”

“Can’t we just leave it?”

Virgil grinned. “No. I will get to the bottom of this.”

Logan groaned, throwing his head back against the chair he was in.

“Is it Patton?” Virgil asked. “I bet it’s Patton. That’s why you’re so hurt when people don’t listen. You want him to think you’re smart and cool and you want him to notice and like you.”

“It’s not Patton.”

“No?” Virgil asked, surprised. However, he was secretly very happy. “I bet you’re lying.”

Logan didn’t understand how Virgil hadn’t caught on. “Just leave me alone, please.”

“No, we went over this,” Virgil said, exasperated. “I will now help you find love.”

“No, you won’t,” Logan disagreed. If Virgil was willing to help him with this, he obviously didn’t feel the same.

“Yes, I will,” Virgil replied. “I care about you. I won’t let you suffer through this unfamiliarity alone.”

In truth, Virgil knew because he suffered through it with his feelings for Logan. He still was suffering through it.

“The gesture is touching, but I will have to decline.”

Virgil gasped. “Is it Janus? You two are both incredibly intelligent.”

Virgil really didn’t know?

“No, it isn’t.”

Virgil put a hand to his chin in thought. “What’s he like?”

“He’s an idiot, that’s what he is,” Logan said in exasperation.

“Oh, so it’s Roman.”

Though, considering he didn’t want Virgil to know, this may have been good.

“All of you are idiots; I wasn’t specifying anything.” He pulled out a schedule for a future day and started to work on it.

“So it’s Roman.”

Logan shook his head. “No.”

Virgil paused. “It’s Remus?!”

Logan put his pen down, absolutely done. “Yes. Yes, it’s Remus. Me, the embodiment of logic, fell in love with a chaotic and crazy side who took out my teeth and hit me with a throwing star that, if I were human, would have killed me.” He gave Virgil a look.

There was a moment of silence.

“...Thomas?”

Logan threw his pen at Virgil’s head. “Get out. Leave. Leave my room, you utter and complete moron. I will not tolerate such idiocy in my sacred space of intelligence and higher thinking.”

Virgil put his hands up, jumping off the table and walking towards the door. He reached for the handle, but stopped.

He thought back to their conversation, who he’d eliminated, who he’d hadn’t, and Logan’s reactions. He remembered that time when he and Patton were in Logan’s room a week before, and Logan yelled at Patton for so much as leaning on his table. Logan just let him sit on the table for an extended period of time. Logan didn’t force him out of his room or sink out, he just told Virgil to leave multiple times. He did try to ward him off with rudeness once, but never tried again. He also defended Virgil’s actions that hurt his feelings...to Virgil. Not to mention, he described his crush as an idiot before going on to call Virgil out on his idiocy and use that to send him out of his room.

“...Oh.”

Logan knew this meant Virgil had figured it out, so he took another pen and started to write furiously.

Virgil swiveled on his heels to face Logan, a look of realization on his face. He suppressed a laugh when he saw the side turned away from him and to his work, writing quickly and fully ignoring him. He found it absolutely adorable.

He walked over to Logan slowly, hands stuffed in his hoodie pockets. He stood beside Logan’s chair, placing a hand on the top left of it. He saw Logan’s movements stiffen a bit, but otherwise stay the same.

He turned the chair so Logan was facing him. Logan’s eyes widened, his pen dropped from his hands, and he stopped moving.

Virgil tilted the chair back, and he leaned over Logan.

“You love me, don’t you?”

“It appears so.”

Virgil chuckled, getting closer to Logan.

“You’re adorable, you know that?” Virgil teased.

Logan shook his head no in protest.

Virgil laughed. “If you say so. You’re already hot so I guess it’s unfair for you to be both.”

Logan’s cheeks flushed. There was a silence as the two just stared at each other for a moment.

Virgil’s eyes flickered to Logan’s lips.

“Would you mind if I kissed you?” Virgil murmured quietly.

“No,” Logan replied.

Virgil smiled, and—still tilting Logan’s chair back—kissed him like he was the most important thing in the world.

And to each other, that was exactly what they were.

~

Sorry this got long! I am such an a sucker for analogical I’m sorry. Hope you liked it! If you would like a redo, please shoot me as ask. Thanks!

[mrslittletall]

If you accept vague asks for the whump thing, because I don't want to limit you to a character you might find boring, either 6 or 17 for Hollow Knight?

Title: Reflection Fandom: Hollow Knight Characters: Quirrel, Little Ghost Word Count: 1.431 AO3-Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30279333

Summary: Quirrel reflects on his life during his last moments.

(Author's note: 

6: Fever 17: Drowning/Hypothermia

Anon! How can you give me Drowning for Hollow Knight and expect me to NOT make it about Quirrel?! Or were you betting on it?

I chose one of the two this time, because the two prompts didn't feel like they could be mashed together very well. Warnings: Suicide and Major Character Death. And drowning, obviously.)

Quirrel had sat and looked at the lake for some time when the little white wanderer appeared. He had encountered them various time in Hallownest, even aided them in their quest which led to him recovering part of his lost memories, and never had they said a single word to him and their face had stayed a stiff mask.

Still, Quirrel couldn't help but feel comfortable in their presence. He assumed for them to maybe stop shortly and listen to him, before moving on, but they did something different.

They approached him, stopped, looked up at him and then sat down next to him, their gaze facing the same direction as his, towards the Blue Lake.

Quirrel didn't look at them and instead, started to speak.

“Again we meet my short friend. Here at last, I feel at peace.”

He made a short pause, thinking about his next words before continuing. After all that had happened, his words didn't seem to come too easily to him anymore. Even his voice felt strained... aged even. All the years that got lost might have caught up to him.

“Twice I've seen this world and though my service may have stripped the first experience from me, I'm thankful I could witness its beauty again.”

It must have been beautiful the first time, and even though large parts of the kingdom laid in ruins during his second time, it was still beautiful. Though, there was one thing that was even more interesting than Hallownest.

“Hallownest is a vast and wondrous thing, but in as many wonders as it holds, I've seen none quite so intriguing as you.”

As usual, the little white wanderer didn't say a word. A little chuckle escaped Quirrel and he spoke further.

“Ha. My flattery returns only silent stoicism. I like that. I like that very much.”

The both of them stayed there, staring at the lake a while longer. Eventually, the little wanderer stood up and continued walking, not looking back at him or saying a single word. It had always been like that with them. It was just they way they acted. Them sitting with him showed him more than enough that they cared. If they hadn't cared, they would have just ignored him. They would have run past him every single time he encountered them, but they always, always had stopped and listened to him.

Quirrel waited until they were out of sight and he couldn't hear their footsteps anymore. Once their footsteps ceased, he rose and picked up his nail.

“I can barely remember having trained in the art of the nail, but I never forgot how to fight.”, he murmured to himself, rolling the nail around in his hands. It had aided him during his journey through Hallownest as well as helped to reach the teacher, Monomon, who he had always called Madam.

For some reason, she seemed to have been always displeased with it, but Quirrel couldn't recall anymore why. His memory was still hazy. The results of the fog of the wastelands, that wiped his memory clean. He could consider himself lucky that he remembered his connection to Monomon.

“I won't need to fight anymore...”, Quirrel murmured further and stuck his nail into the ground, the way the hilt faced, it looked a little like a cross. Then, he looked back at the direction the little wanderer had run off too.

“My friend, please don't cry for me.”, he said, a sad smile ghosting his face. “For I have lived twice the amount of time any bug should have ever lived and I am ready to move on.”

Quirrel stayed on the edge of the lake for a few seconds longer before turning around and walking into the water. It was shallow at first, but soon it would engulf him fully. He was fully aware that his species didn't possess the art of swimming.

Quirrel continued walking until his feet lost the ground under him and he could feel how his body started to sink. While he was content about his own death, with his mind at peace, his body still possessed some instinct. He could feel his arms and legs trash as the water filled his lungs and his strong desire to take a gulp of air, which never happened, because he knew that only water would await him.

His trashing was only from a short duration however, as he felt himself get dizzy and slowly sinking down to the ground, waiting for his awareness to end.

It was then when he saw something flash in front of his inner eye.

Himself, as a little grub, lost, alone, hungry, cold, his parents were nowhere to be seen, only a blanket in his little arms, crying in his desperation, for his parents, for anyone, to find him...

And the form of Monomon in front of him, floating through the fog, a tentacle touching her mask in shock when she saw him, picking him up, talking to him, bringing him to the archives, where she gave him food and warmth and comfort.

That has been how they had first met. How cruel of his memory to make him remember right when he was in the process of ending his own life. Still, Quirrel couldn't help but feel a deep fondness at this memory.

He still hadn't reached the ground and the more he sank down, the more memories surfaced.

Monomon teaching him how to write and read.

Monomon comforting him after he had a nightmare.

Him asking if he could work as her assistant, at the mere age of six. Monomon had agreed and gave him simple tasks, to make him feel special.

Him checking on Monomon after she had pulled an all-nighter. The both of them sharing breakfast together.

Monomon finding the cheesy romance novels he had bought from his salary and teasing him to no end about them. Still, sometimes he found the newest book of his favourite author gently laid upon his pillow.

A time in which he had been obsessed with the tale of the Grimm troupe and styled his mask and even the scarf he wore around his head in their image. Monomon loved to tell this story to complete strangers. How often had he stood there and begged her to stop. Not that it ever worked...

Him waking up with a blanket draped over him when he had fallen asleep over his work.

Monomon always having a pot of coffee ready for both of them when both of them had worked the whole night.

Her giving him the additional seal of protection, her mask, and sending him away once she would lay down to sleep for eternity. Quirrel had accepted, of course, without hesitation, he would do everything for the one who had saved him from starvation when he had been a grub.

“I will fulfil your order as long as I breathe, Ma'am.”, he had said, and Monomon had looked at him and said: “I know you will.”, but at the same time, she had looked so sad.

Finally having reached the ground, Quirrel barely had any awareness left in him anymore, but one last thing went to his mind.

She has always treated me like her son.

For her, he had been more than her assistant, for her, Quirrel had been her precious and beloved son. It didn't matter for her that they didn't share any blood connection, he had become her son once she had picked him up in the canyon.

I never once have called her mom...

How ironic it felt, this thought, right when he was about to snuff out the last flames of his life, after Monomon had already died, after he didn't have a chance to talk to her anymore.

This thought was his one and only regret as his awareness faded and his body stopped moving, laying still on the ground of the Blue Lake.

He entered the archives, passing all the acid tablets and ignoring the Uoma's that Monomon would let hang around there. He had gone this way so many times and he didn't even have to think where to go. He entered Monomon's workshop and there she was, interrupting what she was doing, turning around, a tentacle going to her mask and her body shaking as she chuckled.

“Welcome home, Quirrel.”, she said.

Quirrel came closer until he stood in front of Monomon. “I am back Ma...”, he interrupted himself and then corrected his sentence: “I'm back, mom.” (Author's note: Absolutely love the headcanon that Monomon adopted Quirrel. Also I am a big fan of characters meeting in the afterlife after death and just... vibing with what they always wanted, maybe moving on together. It's pretty obvious, but I am absolutely convinced that Quirrel died at the Blue Lake. I am super fine with everyone lives AUs, but in canon I think Quirrel drowned himself in the lake, because he had grown old and weary and was ready to end his own life, because he felt there wasn't any reason for him to be around anymore. That is why he is so content with his own death here. Obviously, I would have loved for Quirrel to stay alive and find so much more wonders in the world, but he felt like he hadn't any regrets. The one I added, well, that was my headcanon. I know this is a heavy topic and please don't feel bad if you have trouble handling it or couldn't handle it and please, when you yourself think that you might be better off dead, get some help. I promise, there is so much in this world that it's worth to live for. As always, comments are greatly appreciated.)

[mortedeveles]

I’m Okay. (PART 2)

Continuation and end to this oneshot! 

SUMMARY: Ever since you were young, your mind has always been clouded with negative thoughts about yourself and your shoulders were always heavy with an invisible weight. But now you’re dating the infamous Katsuki Bakugou, and you couldn’t be happier. He made you feel so confident that you decided to come clean to your dad about your mental health issues. Buzzing with courage, you can only hope everything turns out okay. But as it turns out, you were absolutely wrong.

GENRE: angst, like a lot lot, hurt comfort and fluff. [ONE-SHOT]

PAIRING: Katsuki Bakugou x fem!reader. (i will be writing gn! reader soon, but i still have to adjust to it)

TW: mental health issues, mentions of suicide, cursing, etc.

Copyright © 2020-2021 by Veles. The story plotline and some other elements belong to me, but all the My Hero Academia characters belong to Kohei Horikoshi.

a/n: i really wanted to give the og oneshot a proper ending so i wrote this up in a day or two!! i want to thank @lafy-taffy ​ for beta reading this, i really appreciate your help a lot! tysm!! btw, i don’t remember if i mentioned this before but y/n and bakuhoe have been dating for months in this oneshot, so they’re past the pining and blushing period!! please leave a like, reblog or comment if you enjoyed! it really helps! getting feedback makes me so, so happy, y’all seriously don’t have an idea lol.  that’s all, i hope you enjoy!

A week had passed by since Y/N's attempt to express her illness failed miserably. She had decided against telling her boyfriend Katsuki since it was a very sensitive topic for her. Y/N tried her best to brush it off and act as if nothing had ever happened, but it was hard trying to be something you weren't.

Her relationship with her father had become strained and their conversations had become short and dismissive. Y/N had been brought up by her father, since her mother had left when she was a young child, and it pained her greatly that her one and only family relationship was being torn at the edges.

Even though her life at her home had become miserable, Y/N had continued to smile and work hard at U.A, even though the number of sleepless nights she had recently encountered began to take a toll on her body.

She had hoped that Katsuki wouldn't notice the shift in her behavior, Y/N had never been a fan of confrontation. She had always preferred to keep things under the rug. Unfortunately, her behavior hadn't gotten unnoticed by Katsuki. He would notice how she would come out of the restrooms with puffy, red eyes, and how her notes slowly became messier which was unlike her. Katsuki knew that Y/N always organized her notes. But since Katsuki had other things on his mind, he didn't think much of it.

It wasn't until she had rejected his offer to go out on a Friday night that Katsuki decided to act. He was confused, frustrated, and annoyed. They would always go out on dates on Friday nights. Always. Even if she came down with a cold, he would sneak into her house and stay in bed with her, watching a cheesy movie. And therefore, Bakugou decided to act. He had climbed towards her room and stole a look at her from her bedroom window. His blood ran cold. 

There she was, crying her heart out with a rope in her hands. No...

Was she-was she going to kill herself? Katsuki knocked on the window furiously, feeling his temper swell with each look at her crying face. Who the hell made her sad? Who did he have to kill?

Y/N gasped and jumped. She dropped the rope and glanced towards her window, eyes widening when she spotted her furious boyfriend. She quickly rubbed her eyes and tried to make herself presentable as she opened the window with a forced smile.

''What's up, 'Suki? I told you I wasn't going to be able to go out tonight,'' Y/N said. She tried to keep the smile balanced on her lips and not break into tears. 

''We need to talk, Y/N,'' he said gruffly. She swallowed thickly and nodded in response.

Katsuki kept his anger at bay as he climbed through the window and pulled Y/N into a tight hug. He buried his head in her hair and breathed deeply.

''What's going on, baby?'' he murmured. It was unusual for Katsuki to act to tender and calm, but something told him that he needed to approach his girlfriend carefully.

That was enough for Y/N to fall apart. She let out a loud sob, curling her fists against Katsuki's chest and her entire frame began to shake. 

Bakugou could feel confusion stirring in his heart, who the hell had done this to her?! Y/N had always been a cheery and composed girl but right now, she looked so close from breaking away from reality. The sight made Katsuki feel as if someone was ripping his heart to shreds and burning it to ashes. It was too painful to watch.

''I just, I just can't take it anymore,'' she sobbed. Her shoulders trembled with each cry. 

Slowly, he picked up Y/N in his arms and carried her to the bed. Katsuki held her in his lap and wrapped his arms around her.

''What's going on? Something's wrong, and you haven't told me anything.'' he sighed and nudged Y/N’s chest into his chest. He hoped it would be of comfort.

''I don't like me very much anymore,'' she spoke into his chest. The vibrations made him shiver, but her words made him freeze in shock.

''You should be with someone else, 'Suki. I'm sorry for being a mess.''

Katsuki furrowed his eyebrows and leaned back to get a proper look at Y/N's face. He frowned and brushed away her tears.

''Hey, hey, slow down, nerd. What the fuck are you talking about?'' he pressed a chaste kiss on her salty and swollen lips.

''Can you start from the beginning, baby? Can you do that for me?'' his arms tightened around her.

Y/N slowly nodded and breathed shakily. Katsuki nodded in approval and patted her back.

''That's it, good job. Now, can you tell me what's going on?'' His patience was running thin- Katsuki had never been very patient, but he knew this was Y/N he was talking about- his amazing and kind girlfriend- so he forced himself to be patient.

''Um,'' she lowered her gaze to her lap. ''Ever since I was young, I felt that there was something wrong with me. I would feel so lonely, I wouldn't fit in anywhere, and most of the time, I felt so sad for absolutely no reason! I don't know why I feel like this, but I hate it,'' she forced a sob down her throat. ''I've never told anyone about it. I didn't want to bother anyone,'' Katsuki let out an angry growl, but quickly quieted down. ''I don't think I should be in U.A. There's this self-deprecating feeling in me, there's this voice that likes to taunt with me and tell me I'm worthless, I'm absolutely nothing,'' she whispered, blinking as tears fell on her hands.

''I can't help it. I've tried to make it stop, but it's stronger than me. It consumes me and it's eating me from the inside. I haven't been feeling well lately, and although I'm very afraid of talking about this, I decided to tell my dad about it.''

''And?'' Bakugou's voice was firm but slow. Knowing that Y/N was suffering so much in silence and he had no fucking idea made him furious. ''What did your old man say?''

Y/N let out a bitter laugh. Bakugou raised an eyebrow and bit down on his tongue. Her laugh sounded so, so wrong. It wasn't a happy laugh, filled with amusement or joy. It was void. Empty. Harsh and bitter. Nothing like Y/N.

''He told me to get over it-,''

Bakugou growled.  ''That motherfucker! I'm going to kill him!'' 

Y/N smiled and pressed a hand on Katsuki's arm. He sighed and lowered his fists. 

''I’m sorry…’’ he mumbled. Y/N nodded in understanding and continued explaining.

''-And to be fair, I think he's right. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly and there's nothing I'm missing. My dad has suffered so much and I'm just a spoiled brat that doesn't appreciate what she has,'' she looked up at Katsuki with watery eyes and a strained smile. ''I'm so lucky. I have you as my boyfriend,'' She giggled and hiccuped, pressing a soft kiss on his jaw.

''Don't worry about it. I'll be fine, 'Suki. I'm okay.''

Katsuki clenched his jaw and tightened his fists. He lowered his head and narrowed his eyes.

''Why didn't you tell me...any of this?'' 

Y/N sighed. She pressed a gentle hand on Katsuki's cheek and smiled.

''I didn't want to bother you with it. You're amazing, Katsuki! You're strong, determined, your quirk is great and you're the next Number One Pro-Hero. I didn't want to get in your way. Besides, you're so confident and beautiful,'' her voice faltered.

''I didn't think you'd understand.''

Katsuki was silent. His head was lowered and Y/N couldn't see the expression on his face. He was silent. Was he mad? Ashamed of her? Ashamed of having a girlfriend that wasn't mentally stable? The insecurities began to jab at Y/N's heart.

''Katsuki, are you okay? You haven't said any-,'' Y/N raised her hand to touch Katsuki, but he quickly grabbed her hand in a firm grip.

Slowly, he raised his eyes and met her gaze. His eyes were blazing with too many emotions. Y/N couldn't understand what he was feeling. Was he sad? Angry? Furious? It seemed to be a combination of all three.

''I'm your boyfriend, Y/N! Fucks sakes, I'm the one who's supposed to protect you,'' he croaked. The hand that gripped her wrist began to shake. ''Not the other way around. You're supposed to tell me everything, baby. If someone's bothering you, I'll make sure they'll never bother you again. If you're in danger, I'm the one who's supposed to swoop in and protect you!'' he growled. 

''I'm sorry, I-,'' Y/N began, but Bakugou quickly silenced her with a finger pressed against her lips.

''Shh. Don't apologize anymore,'' he grumbled.

 ''How can you think like that about yourself? You're my girlfriend and you're the most beautiful person I've ever met,'' he whispered. 

''Seeing you makes me smile. When we're together, I feel so happy I fear my chest might explode,'' he barked out a laugh. ''You're not worthless, baby,'' he held her face in his warm hand. ''You're everything to me, even if you don't believe it. You're a strong, kind, and determined girl. You're going to make an excellent hero, I know it. And I'm not just saying this because you're my girlfriend. I'm telling you this because I know it's true,'' he pressed a kiss on her lips. 

Y/N slowly moved her lips in sync, tugging Katsuki forward, but he broke apart from the kiss. He grinned and shook his head. 

''Not so fast. I have some other things to say. It doesn't matter if I'm training or busy, fuck, I could be dying and you still have to tell me if something's on your mind. Or have you forgotten, Y/N? Being Number One Pro Hero isn't my only priority. You're so fucking important to me! Of course, you're my priority. I don't know what I'd do without you,'' he mumbled, burying his face in Y/N's chest. 

Y/N hiccuped. Katsuki quickly snapped his head upwards and stroked Y/N's hair. Her sobs were louder by the minute, so he gently pushed her face into his chest. He murmured words he wouldn't even dream of saying out loud, rubbing circles on her back and stroking her soft hair. Feeling her sadness and pain nearly brought tears to his eyes, but he forced them down. Katsuki had to stay strong and patient for Y/N.

''I'm so tired, Katsuki,'' she cried. ''I just wish I didn't feel like this.  Why can't I be normal?''

Katsuki shushed her and pressed a kiss on her forehead.

''Hey, hey, calm down, baby. It's okay to feel tired. You can rest here with me. Don't worry baby, we'll get through this,'' he murmured. ''I'm here for you.''

About half an hour passed by quickly and Y/N's hiccups and sobs slowly quietened down.

''Thank you, 'Suki,'' Y/N raised her head and met Katsuki's soft gaze. ''I know I'm a handful.''

Katsuki sighed and flicked his finger on Y/N's forehead. Immediately, she cried out and clutched her forehead.

''Ow! What the hell was that for?'' she frowned and crossed her arms defensively. The sight made Katsuki chuckle.

''Don't say that about yourself. It's not true. You're only feeding your insecurities if you say them out loud,'' he gripped Y/N's hand and squeezed it.

Katsuki cleared his throat loudly and prepared his speech. ''Now, repeat after me. I, Y/N L/N, am the most beautiful girl ever and no one can say otherwise!''

Y/N's eyes widened and she laughed quietly. Katsuki smiled and squeezed her hand. At least he managed to get a smile out of her. Seeing Y/N without a smile was like if the world had gone dark, and all the colors were reduced to a boring grey. It shouldn't be possible for someone as beautiful and kind as her to look so sad and miserable. She should always be smiling.

''You can't be serious, 'Suki,'' she chided. ''I'll sound like a dumbass! Seeing you say those words with complete confidence made you look like an absolute clown!'' she giggled and shook her head disapproval.

Katsuki snorted and grabbed her face by her chin.

''I don't fucking care. C'mon, say it. You'll feel better, I promise.''

Y/N sighed and decided to surrender. ''Fine,'' she grumbled.

''I, Y/N LN/ am the most beautiful girl in the world and no one can say otherwise!'' she exclaimed, raising her arms for a dramatic effect. After she had repeated the words, Y/N began to laugh wildly as she buried her face in Katsuki's chest.

''That was sooo embarrassing. I'm never going to say that again!'' her words were muffled against his chest.

Bakugou smiled as he felt Y/N's face heat up in embarrassment.

''It doesn't matter. Good job, baby. I'm proud of you,'' he sneaked a kiss on her lips.

''Thank you, 'Suki. I was a dumbass to think that you wouldn't understand.''

Katsuki sighed and tightened his arms around Y/N. He placed his chin on the top of her head and stared at the window. It must've been midnight by now but when he was with Y/N, time seemed to be an abstract concept. He could spend a century with her and it would feel like a few couple of minutes.

''You are a dumbass for thinking like that,'' he grumbled. ''I know I'm not very vocal about my feelings and all that bullshit,'' he paused and licked his lips. ''I understand how you feel. I've felt like that many times. I thought that if I bottled up my emotions, I would be fine, but I was so, so wrong. I used to feel this insane pressure on me because of my quirk, that I had to be better than everyone because if I tried and slacked off, even just for one moment, I'd fail. I would be reduced to nothing and...'' his voice became softer and faltered. ''That terrifies me.''

A moment of peaceful but bitter silence swept over them as they held onto each other tightly. Katsuki could feel his chest tighten. He had done the impossible- express what he was truly feeling. And his chest and shoulders had felt impossibly lighter afterward.

''Oh, Katsuki,'' Y/N sighed and leaned her forehead against Katsuki's.

''You should've told me about this earlier. I admire your determination, very much, you know that, but you have to cut yourself some slack. You're doing great and even if you slack off, you won't fall behind,'' she smiled and met Katsuki's hesitant eyes. 

''I promise. Your dreams and goals are important, but you should take care of yourself too. Don't forget about yourself in the process of reaching your goals. You're an extraordinary person and don't think I've ever met someone like you,'' she murmured, tracing her thumb over Katsuki's soft cheeks. He laughed roughly and leaned closer, closing his eyes. 

''I think I could say the same thing about you.''

Y/N smiled and closed her eyes, pressing a soft kiss on Katsuki's lips. He smiled against her lips and tugged at her bottom lip. The two of them danced with their lips, tugging at their hair and necks. It wasn't until Katsuki spoke that they broke apart.

''When you're ready, baby,'' he gripped both her hands as he stared into Y/N's eyes. ''We can get some help if that's what you want. Maybe some therapy would help you.''

Y/N smiled and nodded. She squeezed Katsuki's warm palms. ''I think that would be nice.''

''We're going to get through this, won't we, 'Suki?''

Katsuki nodded and tugged Y/N closer. He wrapped his arms around her waist as he breathed in the pleasant smell of her hair.

''Of course. I know we will.''

Y/N pressed a chaste kiss on Katsuki's neck, making his face redden and his grip on her body tighten.

''I love you, 'Suki.''

''I love you more, you damn nerd,'' he grumbled. With a heavy nod, the two of them began to descend into hours of sleep, finding comfort and solace in each other's embrace.

and that’s a wrap!! i hope you guys enjoyed it! should i make a permanent tag list, in which you’d be tagged for ALL my fics? DM me or comment if you’re interested so i can make it! next update is for Tainted Flowers which will prob be up tomorrow, and then we’ll get back to model for me! have a good week y’all! xx 

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Me? Combine two soulmate AUs and add in an animal hybrid AU????

Of courze, buckle up buddies this is gonna be a bit if a bumpy ride

Dream soulmate/soulpairs AU/Soulmate Ribbons AU/Animal Hybrid AU

Dream: Basically like last time you cant control when you visit, you cant see them, you cant say your name or where you're from. But this time its a legit group dream. In the dream your soulmate(s) will have a ribbon around them apposed to the simply blurred soulpair(s)

Ribbon/animal hybrid: with the ribbon au it ties in with the animal for the most part. You're born with a ribbon tied around your animal feature, whether it be at the base of a fluffy wolf tail, the end of a cat/lemur tail, at the base of cat ears/bunny ears, on any type of horns. Regardless of where it happens to be tied, it cannot be removed, it can be burnt or singed but it cant be cut or removed. The color of your soulmates nation appears after you meet your them, and you can then see the color of yours around them during dreams

So basically Zuko's 12th birthday he goes to sleep and in his dream there are three people with one surrounded by a pale white ribbon.

"H-hello?" He called out.

"Hi!" A cheery voice called out

"Im assuming you're all.. not my soulmate, because I'm 8" a slightly annoyed young girl called

"Your a soulfriend for me!" A chipper Boys voice broke through, the voice of the bright figure

"Uhm, I know I can't know your names, but I'd like to be able to distinguish between all of you... uhm,"

"Call me Bandit" the younger girl called out

"You can call me Oshi"

"And uhm..."

"I'll call you turtleduck" zuko interrupted him

"What? Why that?"

"Uh, well, I have a turtleduck pond by my home and I like it there, and uh, your my soulmate so..."

"Oh! Uhmm... what should I call you?" The boy paused a moment

"Sunshine? Maybe?"

"Yeah! Sunshine!"

"Alright, so, Bandit, Oshi, Turtleduck, and Sunshine?" Oshi piped in

"Yeah," bandit hummed "by the way, whats a turtle duck?"

"Ill show you one whe-"

"Im blind"

"What? Oh, im sorry, I didnt know. Well, if we ever meet I'll let you hold one. I'm sure it'll get the idea across."

"Youre blind?! That sounds so cool! I bet your other senses are heightened" Oshi chirped at the thought

"Yeah, and so is my bending! I can see with me bending, but im not too good at it yet"

"You're a bender? I dont know if we can find out what kind" Turtleduck mused

"Let me try... im an earthbender!"

"Woah! Cool! So you use earthbending to see?" Zuko questioned

The rest of the dream was fairly blurry to him. He ran to his mom to talk about his dream, going on about Oshi, Bandit and Turt; he shortened turtleduck because well, he wanted to.

They dont meet up until later that year, after his mother had left him he was found crying

"Sunny?" He heard Bandit call out

"Huh!? Oh hey guys, sorry, im fine" he sighed "I- I lost my mom just last week"

They all comforted him and then pulled the conversation to different topics, Turt talking about going hunting with his dad and getting hit wolf tail caught on a fishing line. Bandit talked about her earthbending and how she learned how to use her badger tail to bend as well. Oshi all the while hovered as close as the dream would let her, it felt similar to a motherly protection and he appreciated it greatly.

The next time they saw eachother was about two nights after his banishment he was found pouting but quickly came out it the pout when he heard Turt calling out

"SUNNY! Sunny! Hi! Oh Tui! Hi Bandit! Hi Oshi!"

"Hey Turt!" The girls called out "Sunny, whats got you down?"

He sighed "i left the firenation today"

"Woah woah, hold on, why did you leave- oh were you from there? Why would you leave?" Oshi pried.

"Uhm, I was banished for losing an agni kai against my dad"

"An Agn- thats a firebending duel! Your still just 13!" Turt cried out

"Yeah, well, my dad doesnt care about that, he made sure I'd remember that by burning me, now i have to find the avatar before I can return home"

Their conversation lasted for what felt like several blurry hours. When he woke it was to Iroh walking in with some tea. Zuko shot up and managed to get his blanket caught in his horns "AAAGH!" He growled out "help... please" iroh simply chuckled and untangled the blankets from Zuko's horns

"How was your sleep nephew?" Iroh asked as he started to pour them some tea, handing Zuko his cup.

"I talked to Oshi, Bandit and Turt again" he mumbled while bringing the cup to his lips and blowing some of the steam away.

"Thats good, were you able to discuss your banishment? I'm not sure if the dreams will let you, my soulmate and I have never met nor have we ever left our nations"

"Yeah, I was able to tell them everything, well the banishment and" he motioned to his now healing eye wound.

They had met a few more times over the next three years, Oshi revealing that she has a lion tail that is most certainly not as clumsy as Turt's consistently caught wolf tail.

About a week after Zuko arrived at the southpole and managed to lose the avatar there was another dream

"Sunny!" Turt sounded angry

"Uh, y-yeah?"

"You visited my tribe today" the ribbon around Turt was red

"Oh, uh yeah, I'm sorry. Did I hurt someone, I wasn't trying to, I just needed to grab the avatar"

"YOU DONT NEED THE AVATAR SUNNY!" Turt was fuming "youre chasing the avatar for what? The love of an abusive father?"

"Hes no-

"He is Sunny! I dont know the full extent of it. But if he broke your horn, burnt you, and then BANISHED YOU all for speaking out of turn, then that spells abusive!! That level of abuse and your level of wanting to be back says clearly that you were neglected and abused, what the FUCK Sunny!"

Zuko was frozen but it wasnt silent

"We've been trying to tell you this Sunny, your dad is terrible and you deserve actual love, your uncle is a much better dad than him, and you know it" Oshi piped up

"Yeah, I know but-"

"And! If I ever get my hands on him, it'll be his last day alive. Mark. My. Words" Bandit cracked her knuckles

The dream went on for a while longer with the trio eventually convincing Zuko he shouldn't search for his fathers love by capturing the avater. Turt managed to convince him to join forces with the avatar the next time he saw them. The next time he met up with the avatar was on Kyoshi Island, where he entered the town without his armor or helmet, and instead wearing casual garmets.

"What are you doing here Zuko?" Katara growled at him with the hairs on her tail standing on end. Aang was behind her with his lemur tail flicking angrily.

"Well, im not here to capture you if that's what you think. I came to join you"

"Why would we ever believe that?" Aang's voice was nearly as angry as Katara's

Sokka was beside Katara in a similar stance but had yet to respond

"Well, I honestly don't expect you to believe me, unless any of you happen to be Turt, Oshi or Bandit." He paused "look I was burnt and banished at 13 by my own father just for speaking up in a war meeting about how cruel it was to sacrifice new recruites for a bigger win, and my father sent me out to find the avatar." He sighed "i would have continued but Turt and Oshi managed to help me understand where I was wrong in thinking and made me see just how abusive my dad is"

"Sunny?" Sokka finally spoke but was matched with one of the Kyoshi warriors

"Huh? I mean, yeah they call me that, wait are you Turt?" He then turned to the warrior and saw the lion tail "Oshi!?" He stepped back in a moment of surprise.

"Oh my gods Sunny what the hell!" The wolf and lion laughed

"Wait, Zuko is the Sunny you've been talking about!?" Katara and Aang said in unison.

From there out Zuko was a part of the team. Suki having to stay behind for the time being. The group traveled via Appa or by boat. Katara, Sokka and Iroh having lengthy in depth conversations about waterbending and pai sho. He may or may not have been making an attempt to recruit them both slowly but surely.

When they met Toph she put two and two together so fast. "You're Sunny and Turt!" She exclaimed before they duo could introduce eachother

"Wait! Bandit!" Thay said in unison

"The one and only Blind Bandit!" She said proudly.

After meeting with her Zuko became acquainted with a chaotic good type younger sister as apposed to his own chaotic evil. Toph would often launch herself into his shoulders, grab his horns and say "onward noble dragon steed!!" Which he didnt mind so he never complained much.

Let's fast forward to the desert. While Sokka Aang and Katara went into the library to explore, Zuko and Iroh stayed behind with toph to protect Appa, when the Sand benders arrived while the Library was sinking the two firebenders fought off the sandbenders until the trio emerged and they ran off. Zuko, however had fought practically tooth and nail to keep appa there, dodging sand and blasting fire to distract the benders when they tried to use the sand beneath his feet against him. He collapsed from the exhaustion of not only fighting with a dozen benders in their element, but also the heat of the sun. Iroh on the other hand asked Katara for a bit of water to make sure he didnt collapse as well.

"Zuko!" Aang cried out when he watched Zuko collapse in the sand. They all got back on Appa and made their way out of the dessert.

Not long after they stopped at a small body of water to rest and wash up Appa so he wouldn't be shedding and attracting anyone Zuko taking a hot minute to get his strength back. They were approached by a couple who happened to have a baby on the way and Zuko nudged Aang "we should take them with us, yknow, spread some joy"

So they flew the couple with them to Ba Sing Se with them. They managed to get in to tell the earth king their invasion plan, as well as taking down the dai li with the proof of the drill right outside the wall. Without having the advantage of the Kyoshi disguises Azula didnt manage to gain the upperhand against Ba Sing Se, and in turn she had no idea about the invasion plan. Aang had his crisis at Ember island before the invasion and met the lion turtle just before they had to leave.

When the invasion began Zuko and Aang both went off to the city, Zuko in his blue spirit get up with his swords on his back literally being dangled in the air by Aangs weirdly strong ass tail. When the landed on the roof, it was still a bit until the fire kicked off. So they were dodging fire balls while running towards the palace, however right before they went into the throne room Azula appeared. She went to shoot fire but was shocked to see no fire come out. Aang smirked and bended the earth around her to keep her in place.

They went in to Ozai, Zuko drawing his swords and Aang readying himself to fight a powerful bender who possibly had skills other than bending. But they were met with a practically powerless man who didn't take long to defeat, taking his life wasn't the option, however, Aang knew that, and so he took his bending away, to the absolute awe of Zuko who watched the blinding light for a moment before shielding his eyes.

After the success of the invasion Iroh took the throne when Zuko told him he was simply not ready. However Iroh made a deal with him, he would be firelord for all of 5 years, set the ground work for Zuko and let his nephew take up some studying in the other nations as well as his own to figure out how he would rule after the 5 years were up.

And he did, he gathered as much information from the other nations, all with Sokka joining with him. He spend a year at the south pole, helping rebuild the place, he spend a year at the northpole studying the scrolls available, he spent a year going to each large earth kingdom city, and then he spent his fourth year in the firenation reading every scroll he could. One night while in his room reading through a pile of scrolls he leaned onto Sokka's shoulder for support, but Sokka took the scroll out of his hands "alright enough reading for you tonight, come on little dragon its bedtime"

Sokka's tail was absentmindedly wagging side to side as he helped his soulmate undress and get into more comfortable clothes, of course getting the cloth stuck on those pesky horns a couple times. But soon they were both laying in bed with Zuko resting his cheek against Sokka's chest while Sokka ran his fingers through his hair.

They could stay like this forever. And wouldn't you know it, after Zuko took the throne he proposed to Sokka and the two were soon married, the Wolf and the Dragon.

At the wedding Toph and Suki were the first to show up, bringing gifts, Suki gave them a pair of gold fans, one with a turtleduck on it and the other with a sun on it. Toph on the otherhand had brought a dagger with a dragon carved on the blade and a wolfs head on the handle.

>another marraige wrap up? Of course, its me what else would I do?

[nathalie-sancoeur-assistant]

Felix

Here are my thoughts on Felix, spoilers below. 

As the episode starts, I can’t help but be reminded of a story

There’s a story about a man who cleaned his wedding rings I read online. Now, I hardly think that the story is going to 100% relate to Gabriel Agreste, but I found it a bit ironic that shortly after I read this story, I see Gabriel taking the time to also clean/polish both his and his wife’s rings. (the story was about a man who is quote “a ‘guys’ guy” and was constantly told no one cared about how clean his ring was and it didn’t matter but he did it anyway)

Look here, how at first he was so careful and gentle. Carefully placing his wife’s hands back into place. Before his talk with Adrien in the near future, might I add. And with his “soon, Emilie” comment, there’s so much emphasis on these rings in the beginning of this episode. We’ve had some mild emphasis before with how much Gabriel has fiddled with his. So what’s up with them? What’s their significance? I have nothing but I hope someone else can answer. 

Aw, she’s watching him. And he’s staring at his mother’s statue. Exactly how many depictions of Emilie are there? There’s more of her than anyone else. I mean, sure. There are a couple paintings/pictures of them all, as a family, and a collection of Adrien’s photographs throughout Gabriel’s office but Emilie is everywhere, it seems. There’s a whole statue of her there. This reminds me of Disenchantment even more- the statue of a the child’s mother being one of the only things for them to remember them by while the father desperately tries to get hold of an all-powerful magical object(s) for seemingly selfish reasons. 

I just love this scene.

Look at those heart eyes! I said it before, get you someone who looks at you the way Nathalie looks at Gabriel. That is such a pure look.

Oh my gosh that smile. Okay, I love this. He’s seeing Nathalie smile like a love-struck puppy at his dad. And that makes him happy. This is an example of some of the things he’s been noticing between her and his father- and if he is capable of picking up on these subtlety's....well, he’s far from oblivious. Just confused (with Marinette). He’s happy to see them standing together though, and to see Nathalie gazing so fondly at his dad. Even if we didn’t get confirmation on him shipping them in this episode, this would have hinted at it pretty well. 

They already act like a mother and son- this is so cute. This is the kind of interaction I’ve been wanting to see more of. Especially from Nathalie, I know it’s small, but she’s a stoic “emotionless” character and she did something cute and wholesome. It just delves a little more into the relationship they have. 

I’m hardly one to fawn over family dynamics but this show brings it out in me. 

“It’s been one year; the longer you keep him in the dark about what you’re doing, the harder it will be on him when he finds out.” So this tells me a few things. 

1. Adrien’s 15th should be coming up soon

2. They’re both aware that when Adrien finds out he’s going to be hurt 

3. They know that it’s inevitable for him to find out

and 4. They’ve had conversations about this before. The way she just brought it up like this, they’ve likely had a few conversations about telling Adrien what’s happening under his roof. And she’s encouraged Gabriel before. Now that it’s the anniversary of Emilie’s disappearance, she’s nudging him more because you know, what better day to tell your son that you’re a supervillain and his mom’s in the basement than the day you lost her to begin with (which, makes it sound bad but it makes sense to tell him on this day, if they were waiting to tell him.)

---

“Little kitty on a roof, all alone without his-” “Adrien” Gabriel decided right then and there to go tell him. To tell him.

Okay so this is....actually really good.  lot of parenting things I’ve read/watched will mention getting down on the child’s level, especially if it’s for a more serious topic or something they need to understand without feeling like they’re being talked down to. It’s a good technique to use and it’s also kinda showing Gabriel opening up just a bit because...well what else is he going to do with what he’s about to tell his son? (I mean of course him sitting down by him isn’t going to make up for everything he’s done, nor does it make him any better of a parent- but it does go to say that he does know a little more than I initially thought)

Also, with the way this is set up, you can’t blame Adrien for the way he reacts. It really sounds like the way to set up a conversation on how a parent has found someone new to love with their child. 

Also, “I think about telling you every day, but I don’t know how to find the right words”- so in other words he actually WANTS to tell him. This isn’t something Nathalie is pushing him to do because she thinks it’ll be best, this is something she’s ENCOURAGING him to do because she knows he wants and needs too but is to scared to actually do it on his own. But the point is that he was actually about to tell Adrien that he is Hawkmoth. Which would mean he would have to explain why he’s Hawkmoth, and lead to him showing Adrien his mother, maybe he could have even met Nooroo and Duusu. Then again, Adrien might be very reluctant to go down and see his mother in that state. That might just be something that was an offer for if he wanted to see her. And at least if he found out this way, he wouldn’t have to shout, ask “Why” so much or rush his own father and be punted out of the ceiling. Different approaches call for different reactions. This one would have led to something likely still bitter and betrayed, but with a clearer explanation and more emotional attachment. It wouldn’t all be hitting at once, they could go as slow as Adrien needed to process it because it wouldn’t be in the heat of battle. But it would have to be approached cautiously otherwise I can see Adrien transforming right then and there and allowing his emotions to take over again. But none of that is what happened. 

“I think I already know father” 

“But...how?” no amount of panic in his voice...just a genuine question. There’s panic in his eyes yes, because 1. How does Adrien know 2. Does that mean he’s slipped up at some point? Who else could know? Who else could find out? but no fear in his voice because 3. If Adrien already knows, and just says so in such a calm manor, if he were going to tell anyone else he already would have.

“I’ve noticed how close you and Nathalie have become” 

Gabriel’s face “W h a t? What is he talking about- oh, that’s what he’s talking about....”

“If she can make you happy again...” well I can’t say Gabriel has necessarily been subtle with his grief *cue Parisian's screaming in the background”, but still, that just tells me that there’s a noticeable change in Gabriel’s behavior from before Emilie disappeared. People act differently when they’re unhappy. 

“....then as far as I’m concerned, she’s already part of our family” this boy loves her so much. He looks so happy talking about her to his dad, that he seems to be opening up a bit and talking to him, and at the idea that the hole in their lives will be filled, not even with someone new but with someone who has already established their place in the household. Someone who is already a chosen part of their family (As I like to say, family is chosen.). It’s so pure- whenever they have this talk again in the future I hope it goes well. Because with the way Gabriel reacts, they’re going to need it. 

Also, I’d like to say that I greatly appreciate their relationship actually being spoken about aside from it being exclusively from Nathalie or between Nathalie and Duusu (which btw, we didn’t get a conversation between Nathalie and Duusu in Chat Blanc or Felix discussing her feelings which tells me that either we’re going to get a flashback scene in season 4, or Duusu was able to sense Nathalie’s emotions and based on my interpretation of body language and stuff from the finale, Gabriel may be very aware of Nathalie’s feelings for him already but I’d like to wait for English Miracle Queen before making that assumption whole) 

*Gabriel Agreste has hit a rage*

“As long as she is still in our hearts, she lives on.” Not the kind of thing you’d expect to hear from someone like Gabriel IMO. And as folks have said, he never got mad at the idea of being with Nathalie- he got mad at the idea of moving on from Emilie. And I have to admit, him saying “No one could ever replace your mother” yeah, I mean, I understand that. But here’s the deal- moving on from someone, doesn’t mean you never loved them, or even that you don’t still love them even while loving someone else. Getting remarried isn’t ‘replacing’ your original spouse. 

Moving on from someone you love is hard as heck. Sometimes, it might even feel impossible to do, but in some cases, it’s necessary for you and those around you. Moving on isn’t going to slander their legacy, it’s not going to somehow invalidate what you had with them previously- and again, it’s not replacing them. It’s a natural human feeling to...want to have someone by your side. Your spouse being put into the kind of state Emilie is in is going to leave a gaping hole beside you in that sense, in your family dynamic and etc. and a new spouse and relationship can help fill that, stick by your side for the remainder of your life and still not replace the person you first loved. Gabriel was mad not at Adrien, but at the idea of moving on from Emilie, and just can’t seem to grasp the idea that moving on is not that same thing as replacing. Him and Nathalie won’t be able to get together until he realizes that. That being said...

Adrien’s blank stare is priceless. “If that’s not what you were gonna tell me then what is it? No need to get so mad...why are you mad? You could have just said no...” like he can see the pointlessness in this anger but still understands the reaction...but still he probably wants to know what on Earth his dad was talking about if it wasn’t in reference to his relationship with Nathalie. Idk. 10/10 reaction, Adrien. 

Then typical Gabriel comes back out and he just storms off. Geez the kid just wants you happy and to have a mom, calm down. 

---

They have him crying a good bit lately. He could really use a hug. 

NOW THE PARTY DON”T START TILL I WALK IN

Now we have Amelie...and I gotta be honest, I know some folks already really like her but she’s just the type of person I can’t stand. Just in her personality. She just seems to be everywhere at once, taking up so much space and attention. Nathalie seems to just fade into the background and go unnoticed, in comparison. So no matter Amelie’s intentions, her grating personality would probably make me dislike her anyway. 

And as Gabriel is explaining Adrien just looks so confused

 Like his first reaction was that it was his mother and not the more logical “Mother’s twin sister” and it takes Gabriel actually saying that it’s his Aunt for him to realize exactly what’s going on. 

And of course I’m sure you’ve all processed the puppy-dog like expression that comes over Adrien’s face when Felix walks in. He just loves his family even though it seems to just be filled with bad people. Then Amelie goes into her thing about Adrien and Felix fooling Gabriel and Emilie for a whole weekend and she says “We laughed so hard”- did Gabriel laugh too? She says “we”....does that mean everyone but Gabriel or does that mean that Gabriel wasn’t always quite so tightly wound? 

I always feel so awkward when we get these close-ups of their butt..

“Felix you know your uncle’s never been the physical sort” because it’s how he shows affection. With how much that has been emphasized at this point, it HAS to be a story-telling element. Why, outside of just showcasing different personality types and comfort zones, have someone that’s so adamantly against physical contact? I mean they could have chosen anyone for this, but they chose Gabriel specifically then turn around and have him and Nathalie being very physical. From what I can tell, it’s a part of the show and character specifically for the Gabenath element of the story. 

Also I find it funny how she says this in front of his son just because....if he’s never been the physical sort, I doubt Adrien would be standing there.

Someone at some point is going to photoshop Nathalie into this frame over Amelie aren’t they?

I don’t know. They way she’s so enthusiastic about everything gets on my nerves- then again, I have plenty of characters that are enthusiastic that I like very well. It’s just the way she pulls it off, okay I’m done knocking her personality because that’s just a personal thing and this fandom has enough salt- This scene just grinds my gears. I’m sure she has her good qualities too, and other’s probably quite enjoy her enthusiastic attitude, but I feel like she just seems so entitled...let me explain. 

She knows she looks like an exact replica of Emilie and, while I understand the sentiment here, decides to come over to the Agreste house on this day anyway. I know the way she looks is far from her control, and she deserves support just as much as the rest of the family on a day like this, however, would it not be hard on Gabriel (if she was honestly thinking about him) to see someone that looked so strikingly like his supposedly deceased wife in his home, walking around like there’s nothing wrong, on the very day he lost her? Her hairstyle is even the same- but I could understand the sentiment if it didn’t seem like she was just using this vulnerable day for them to try and fish out something she has no right to (to our knowledge). 

It’s the rings. She’s not in the house five minutes before she brings them up. She greets them, gives the boys time to greet each other, then casually brings up the topic to get down to business. 

“You’re still wearing your wedding band! You must have Emilie’s too I imagine, you never replied to my message about that. I’d still like to get the rings back, you know.” 

“These rings are obviously very special to me.”

“And they’re very dear to me too, Gabriel. Those jewels have always been in the Graham De Vanily family, not, the Agreste’s.” *smiles*

Well girl wtfrick is your name rn? I can only assume atm that you took your husband’s name too. You may still be up and walking but the rings belong to Gabriel now. 

“I’d still like to get the rings back..” so did you give them to them then? If they meant so much to you why would you give them to them as wedding rings if so? If you wanted them so desperately you don’t give them up like that- you wouldn’t be asking for them if Emilie was still there, would you?

And here’s the kicker, in the end we realize that she wasn’t even trying to get them for her, or sentimental reasons, or even a feeling of entitlement- no, she was getting them purely to give them to her bratty son. It doesn’t matter if she gave them to them or if they were passed down to Emilie. 

Tell me, where is it okay to ask a grieving, lonely man to give up what you believe to be the only connection he has left to his marriage (besides Adrien but that’s beside the point)- where is it okay to ask a man to give away his wedding rings just because his wife died? Especially if you’re not going to do anything with them but give them to your spoiled son? Those rings mean a lot to Gabriel, they were his wedding rings- I don’t know what significance they hold for the Graham De Vanily family, but regardless of that they belong to Gabriel and he’s obviously taken good care of them. 

What makes me even more upset about this is that....she wanted them for Felix! Not because she’s potentially the only sister Emilie had and therefore outside of the boys is the only living heir of the Graham De Vanily family and therefore thinks that since she’s the most direct descendant she should have them for traditions sake or whatnot- but because Felix likes them. 

Adrien is just as much a Graham De Vanily as Felix and has just as much right, if not more so, to those rings. 

He and Felix may be on equal ground when it comes to blood relation to the family, but even if Amelie didn’t take her husband’s last name and Felix is Felix Graham De Vanily, they were the rings for Adrien’s parent’s marriage, they belong to his parents now, therefore he is directly in line for that inheritance and deserves it every bit as much as Felix. Amelie has no right to take that away from him just because Felix likes the story behind them. 

Then after that Gabriel says “We’ll discuss it later” 

Which you know is code for “I’m not going to have this conversation” so he can just keep them without having to worry about her trying to give context. 

---

Also, I’d just like to say that Marinette’s video-confession sounds like she’s being a supportive and emotionally-open friend. Sure it’s a declaration of love, but it by no means sounds like a confession of romantic love. I can easily see Adrien taking it as a platonic “I love you” and being like “Aw, Marinette. I love you too, you’re such a good friend.” She tries so hard. Alya’s excitement over it though is great.  

---

Dang! Look t that layout! I love the structure of this house. and if I’m right, there are two floors below it too...but is the butterfly window on the back of the house? Wouldn’t people notice a giant butterfly window constantly opening and closing? I don’t know, but I do like how the walls on the sides have doors so that you can walk out on them. Imagine Marinette serenading Adrien while he’s standing out on one. 

---

“I’m sorry I didn’t come to your dad’s funeral...” dang, man. That’s heavy. How did he know that’s exactly what he was upset about? And that was actually another good move on Gabriel’s part....it would have been hard on Adrien to go to his uncle’s funeral given how close in death dates Emilie and his uncle seem to be. It might have been good for Felix to have the support of someone who understood, but Gabriel had to think about Adrien, not Felix. 

“You have every right to be mad at me”

No, he has every right to be upset about it. But not be mad at YOU for something that was out of your hands. 

“He’s very...protective of me.” For some reason I like that line. It was very soft.

Well that was a jerk move. Snoop. And yikes. 

Felix taking his anger out on Adrien for something he couldn’t control? Man, not cool. He really had this planned out too didn’t he? Steal his phone, then knew he was friendly and welcoming enough to let him shower and borrow clothes- he was looking for a way to cause some sorrow in the boys life by stealing his phone. He got lucky with the video thing but if he hadn’t had that to work with he would have probably tied to get the address of some of his friends and dress up as him and go be rude in person or text them something nasty. The timing of the video was really good for Felix. 

....yikes...but Plagg is right. What a petty act, squashing cheese under his pillow for not going to a funeral he likely wanted to go to to support Felix. It’s pretty standard for people who are grieving to act differently or lash out, but it’s not a valid excuse for the behavior. People cope differently but after a while, if that’s how you cope...maybe it’s time for some therapy.  

It’s good to see a softer side of Chloe. Shows how underneath all that condescension and bratty attitude, she’s still an actual person and can care for others. 

Nyoom

---

Also I like how Gabriel immediately recognized that it wasn’t his son on the video. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. As a matter of fact I like how Nathalie, even when Adrien is pretending to be Felix and convinces Alya Rose and Juleka that he is Felix, Nathalie is still adamently like “Adrien s t o p”

---

Nino and Marinette too, they’re both positive it isn’t Adrien and have faith in him. Even after the video is confirmed unaltered. Kim actually has some logical reasoning, which, honestly I feel. I hardly ever consider someone a friend until I’ve known them for at least a year (there have been folks I’ve known longer than that and never considered friends- because you only know so much about a person. You never know what they might pull) so his reasoning that they’ve only known him since they got back from the summer? Totally valid. And this?

Okay, so I realize that he probably shouldn’t be akumatizing people that are going to go after Adrien, and if he were going to should have moved him BEFORE akumatising them...but he’s taking action to keep Adrien safe from the akumas that are upset with him, and even took his phone into consideration. He hasn’t done that with some previous akumas. And this also tells us that the weapon phones can connect to normal phones and therefore must have a number. Can’t be the same as their normal phone’s number, otherwise when Ladybug and Chat text they could recognize them- so does that mean that Nathalie could potentially have a contact in her phone (Finale spoiler: in the finale she calls Hawkmoth by the press of a button) that calls Hawkmoth? Imagine if Ladybug got hold of her phone and pressed the number while Hawkmoth was active. That could end badly. 

Confused Nathalie is cute. It took a second for her to realize which was which, which of course is realistic. They look really similar, it could take a moment for it to register. 

Juleka: Which one of you is a cruel and inferior copy of the original? 

Me @ studios that rip-off more popular movies/shows to make a quick buck. 

Rose pointed her weapon at Adrien and immediately Nathalie just 

These spot the difference games are getting hard.

She’s protecting her angry boy. 

Don’t make mama mad.

Shes-a gonna getchya. 

Okay, how strong is she? Or how light is Rose? I know for a fact that even if you’re just a naturally strong person it’s not easy to just pick up someone that size and throw them. I can hardly throw a 40lb child. Rose is at least 100 and Nathalie doesn’t even break a sweat. Is it the adrenaline? This has me in as much awe as when Kyoya Ootori dents the hood of a car with his fist out of frustration- I’ve tested it out just to see and denting the hood of a car is hard with just a fist without hurting yourself. Likewise it’s pretty hard to yeet a highschool kid. I now head canon that she works out along with Gabriel. 

That’s determination in her eyes

Friendly reminder that she’s doing this in heels.

If I felt like editing this some of these screenshots could be sent into the funny miraculous screenshots blog. 

Also Rose’s “Ow ow ow” after kicking shins humoured me.  

Catch me over-analyzing Nathalie’s fight scene, she jumped pretty high though. Okay, that’s enough on her fight. Also, the fact that not only Nathalie, but Felix too, can hold their own against 3 akumas at least for a while...I wonder if any akumas have been defeated by skilled civilians before Ladybug could show up.

Moving on, I think it’s really cool how they allowed Ladybug to be able to punch Felix in the face even though he looks like Adrien, and how they had her be like “No” even though it seemed like Adrien was trying to kiss her. And the music, it’s all soft and romantic at first then it goes all distorted and creepy...very fitting. 

That utter rage...man, 15/10. Good content. I like seeing girls be able to stand up for themselves. And then she immediately knows it’s not Adrien.

“Felix, smash it in half and this nightmare will be over” “What makes you think I want it to be over?” Dang. That’s some Azula-level stuff right there. I like that, I want more of that.  

“Hawkmoth, can you hear me Hawkmoth!” 

Yes, yes, I like that. They’re able to communicate through the akumatized people too...I like that very much. Oooh boy, I can’t wait for Felix to come back in season 4. I quite enjoy seeing people willing to work with Hawkmoth and not be as annoying as Lila. What if FELIX is the new Hawkmoth and is working to...idk, bring his dad back? And Lila is his Mayura...or vice versa...that would make it so interesting.

And here I like how Adrien is telling Felix off but still somehow able to be completely soft with it. He’s upset with him and wants to make that clear but he’s still his family and doesn’t want to completely discard him. 

And Felix...dang, I like Felix. He’s got the acting gene. He can lie and manipulate and actually do it well. He seems genuine. Lila, you can always tell she’s acting, that she’s never sincere- but she’s able to manipulate situations. Felix on the other hand...he’s able to go with the flow and adapt quickly. He’s a fantastic actor and if you couldn’t see the hidden context at the end, you’d actually be able to believe him. 

And the one time Gabriel actually extends a hand to someone outside his immediate family or isn’t blind and needs someone to guide them (we see Tomoe with her arm wrapped in Gabriel’s once in a while)....he gets robbed of a prized possession. Dang. Don’t expect him to open up to Felix anymore for a long time. 

*internalized screaming*

I think it’s pretty obvious to her that he stole it. He never had any opportunity to talk Gabriel into giving it up and he’s likely known for being able to pull things off like that. 

I understand that she wants her son to be happy and that he likes the story of the rings, but she should make him return it...but obviously her little angel always gets what he wants, why should she make him give back something he “earned”? She should be asking more questions, he had no right to take it right off Gabriel’s finger. *more internal screaming* I don’t care how many wrongs Gabriel has made, I know this is part of karma coming out to get him but two wrongs don’t make a right. This isn’t math, the negatives don’t make a positive. It just makes more negatives. 

“I’m glad it’s back in the family where it truly belongs” but it was never out of the family! Gabriel IS your family! Adrien is your nephew- he was your sisters son, oh my gosh you make no sense!! *deep breath* Okay. The only thing I can think of that would have allowed the ring to stay with folks named Graham De Vanily would be if 1. All their ancestors had sons who’s wives took their last name, therefore they were passed down from son to son so as to keep it not just in the family, but in the name or 2. Graham De Vanily was the name of Amelie’s husband and for some reason, her husband gave Emilie and Gabriel the twin rings instead of using them in his own wedding...which...no. 

So Gabriel has to now wear Emilie’s ring

And he doesn’t even bother to put her hands back into place. 

Might he have been a little more thoughtful about that, if Adrien at the beginning hadn’t made his comment about him and Nathalie? Or was it just his anger making him forget?

---

Overall the episode was fantastic imo and while Amelie grinds my gears it will definitely be interesting to see more of her and her boy (after all, why introduce a character so interesting if you won’t bring them back?)

[i-guess-im-a-fanfic-writer-now]

A better life (Chapter 7, Avengers x reader)

hey, i’m back with chapter 7! chapter 8 will be posted on the 15th of september, also, likes are great! comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated! i hope you like this

tw: bruises, and i think that’s pretty much it

When you woke up again, it was morning, the sun was fully in the sky. Natasha was asleep, but woke up a few minutes after you. You just stayed motionless in bed, thinking and breathing, until she woke up.

“Hey, how are you doing?”

“I’m.. I’m alright. Thank you. I’m sorry, I -“, you began. 

“Nothing to apologize for. It happens, and that’s okay. But it’ll keep happening if you don’t tell anyone about what you’re going through. Trust me. And it often gets worse if you keep it in.”

You looked away and didn’t reply. You knew that, obviously. But you were terrified. What if your mother found out you told someone again? The last time that happened, you locked yourself in the bathroom for hours, sinking to the floor, hoping she wouldn’t find the key to open the door. And then, when she saw you later that night, she started crying about how mean and ungrateful you are. You still remembered how she hit the bathroom door for almost an hour, shouting that you’re a liar, her usual “how dare you do this to me”, and she kept yelling that you’ll never be good enough, that you’re stupid, that you have it easy and shouldn’t complain because she pays for your food, clothes, and school, as well as fun activities sometimes.

You closed your eyes as Natasha stood up, pulling the extra blankets off the bed and throwing them at the couch. A few of them fell too early or slid off the couch, but Natasha didn’t seem to care much: it was too early and she hadn’t had any caffeine yet. You took a deep breath, opening your eyes and sitting up. The room looked too bright and it hurt. It seemed as if the blinds automatically opened in the morning. You got out of bed and immediately shut them. Natasha didn’t disagree. She was still in her pyjamas.

“I’m going to go back to my room, to get dressed and all. See you in the kitchen? I’ll boil some water”, she said.

“Sure.. thank you. For helping. And for the water.” You kept your sentences short, hoping you wouldn’t stutter too much like that.

“Of course”, she said softly, already closing the door behind her.

You quickly made the bed and folded the blankets on and around the couch, neatly placing them at the edge of the bed. You changed into the pants you wore yesterday and pulled on a shirt that was in the room. You pulled your sweater on and put the shirt you wore yesterday into the small backpack you always carried around with you, also taking out a fresh pair of socks and putting them on. You placed the bag on the bed. You put your shoes on beside the door and just stood there breathing for a minute.

You opened the door, closed it, and walked silently through the hallway, taking your time, and quickly ended up in the kitchen. It smelled like strong, freshly brewed coffee. Natasha was already there, Tony was drinking from a red and gold mug, Clint was sitting on a counter, yet again, but this time he was holding a half full coffee pitcher. Your eyebrows shot up: drinking that much coffee is not a good idea, and you knew by experience. You once drank several big mugs of it in just a few hours, and you remember thinking “Is the world shaking or is it just me” at some point.

You exchanged small nods with Clint and Tony and went over to Natasha.

“Water just boiled, choose your tea quickly.”

You thanked her and found some raspberry tea in one of the boxes. Taking the same kind of mug you took yesterday, you made tea. Natasha was already drinking something that smelled like peppermint tea.

“Headache?”, you asked.

She nodded, surprise barely showing on her face.

“I kind of know things about tea”, you answered the unasked question.

She didn’t respond, and you went to sit down in front of the table, one leg under you and the other one over it, knee at a higher level than the table. You were never really good at sitting properly. You gently put the mug on the table.

“You’re quiet”, Tony noticed.

You gave him an inquisitive look as he approached the table.

“I mean, I didn’t actually hear you walk through the hallway. Or come into the kitchen. If I hadn’t seen you, I wouldn’t have known you were in the room. You walk quietly. I didn’t even hear you open or close your door”, he explained. “Why? And how?”

“That’s just how it be”, you shrugged.

He nodded, unsure of whether he should pursue the topic or not. Finally, he decided not to, and you were thankful for that.

There were a few thumps from the other hallway, and Thor walked in. You smiled at each other. “Good morning, everyone”, he happily said. Clint grunted, Tony made some kind of “eh” noise. Natasha just sipped her tea.

“There’s no such thing as a good morning”, you looked at Thor, elevating your mug in a toast manner, and you both laughed. Tony whispered a small “That’s fair”, but looked a bit concerned. He looked tired as hell, and he probably was.

“Cheers, I’ll drink to that”, said Clint before taking a long swig of coffee and setting the pitcher down beside him. Maybe Peter was making everyone look at memes, maybe Clint found it fun. You weren’t too sure, but it made you laugh a bit.

You began sipping on your tea, still not sitting properly, watching as Thor got some beer from the fridge and sat down in a couch not far from the table you were sitting at.

Half an hour later, having finished your tea and washed your mug, you excused yourself and went to the first floor of the Tower. You were expecting Peter to come by soon, and you didn’t want him to arrive and think you’d forgotten about him. It was an experience far too known to you, and you didn’t want him to feel like that.

You sat in one of the couches there, where people stayed either waiting for someone or chilling. A while later, you saw a familiar face: Peter was here. You walked towards each other and he kind of opened his arms as you approached. “Hi, Y/N!” He started pulling you into a hug, not too tightly though. At first, you tensed, but then reminded yourself that he won’t hurt you and became a bit more relaxed. You awkwardly hugged him back, not really knowing how to do that. You didn’t let any of your relatives touch you at all, and honestly, you probably hadn’t hugged anyone or been hugged by anyone in around a year, maybe longer.

You leaned into his shoulder and he into yours. You stood there, hugging, for a good ten or twenty seconds before simultaneously letting go. He was beaming.

“What do you want to do?”, you asked him.

“Not sure. We could.. play computer games, though. You know, one of those games like Bad Ice Cream, or that game with the ghost where you have to scare everyone out, or anything like that.”

“Sure!” You both walked towards the lift and soon got to the right floor. You got yourself an extra chair and brought it over to the computer, placing it beside Peter’s chair. You felt like you were back at elementary school, except the computers here and now were better than there and then. And of course, this time no one was laughing at you for playing something, and your only friend wasn’t completely ignoring you for a reason you didn’t know.

After a while, you got a bit bored of the computer games and went back to playing video games, but this time, Peter told you you could put on some of your favourite music, and you did.

You were in the middle of a boss battle when you said you needed some water. Peter paused the game and you went over to the water fountain to drink. You took off your sweater: it was hot because of the excitement of the boss fight, and you wanted to have more movement freedom for the battle, you didn’t want to lose this one.

You came back and put the controller back on your wrist. “I’m ready”, you smiled, quickly scratching your shoulder and looking at Peter. Then you noticed that he had gone pale. Well, more pale. An expression of shock and confusion replaced the happiness you had just seen on his face. 

“What’s up?”, you asked.

He reached out and gently took your arm. You looked, panic taking you over as you realized that you had forgotten about the bruise that was still there. All that was hiding it was gone, your sweater right next to you on the couch, and your stomach turned to knots.

“What happened? Y/N, who did this to you?”

“I..”, you tried to speak, but nothing was coming out. And you couldn’t say that you fell, or that you’re really clumsy, because this bruise was more hand shaped and enveloped that place in a circle. You quickly pulled your arm back and covered the bruise with your other hand.

He looked at you and you immediately looked away.

“It’s nothing. Can we please continue the game?” You asked anxiously, quickly putting your sweater back on.

“No, this is not nothing, Y/N! This is not okay. No one should do this to you. Why would someone..?”, he paused. “Who did this?”, he asked softly.

“I.. It doesn’t matter, it’s okay, I promise, it’s - “, you started, but Peter interrupted.

“Except it does matter, and, and it’s not okay at all.” He looked like he was about to cry, and you felt horrible for that.

You stayed silent for a minute, thinking. “Promise not to tell anyone, okay? I don’t want anyone else to know. Please.” Your hands were slightly shaking, and you put one of them over the other to hide it.

“Hey, I won’t tell anyone, promise. Not without your permission. Please tell me.”

So you told him the truth. You felt too ashamed to look at him, but with his silence, you sensed that he was angry and horrified that someone could do what your mother did to you. This wasn’t the first time she left a bruise though. And it was definitely not the bruise that hurt the most.

“That’s horrible. What kind of mother would do that? Any of this. Y/N, please you gotta tell mister Stark, or someone else here. An adult. They can help. Please. I won’t tell them without your permission, but tell them at some point?”

“Maybe. Not today though. Can we please continue the game? You know.. middle of a boss fight?” You smiled weakly, truing to lighten the mood.

“Sure, but.. can you tell me if something happens, right after it happens? Or just as soon as you can?”

You agreed and he then unpaused the game. In half an hour, you finished what was a particularly hard fight, and you moved on to your next quest. You spent the first half of the day with Peter, the silence being somewhat uncomfortable, but you both had a lot of topics to talk about, and MJ was a recurring one: he had such a massive crush on her, and you were happy for him.

[do-not-call-me-meathead]

aposiopesis (part five)

My Orphan Black fic on AO3

part 1  part 2  part 3  part 4   part 6  part 7

@agoddamnsupernova

John Patrick Mathieson. Scott grinned when they discovered the real P.T. Westmorland and the fake. Cosima was glad, she was. She could have jumped up and down with glee, but she knew the fight wasn’t nearly over. And she didn’t know if this would send Rachel over the edge and realize that she was still being manipulated by a man pretending to be the founder of Neolution. Cosima could see first hand the reach that John had over people. He was a conman. A good one.

All they could do was send the information over to Sarah and Mrs. S and hope that Rachel would make the right decision. She didn’t know how Sarah could even negotiate with the woman. Rachel was the one to put a knife in Sarah’s leg and took Kira. Cosima couldn't imagine any forgiveness. All they could do now was wait.

And wait they did. They tried to pass the time by teaching Charlotte how to play Castle Panic. But Cosima’s mind was on Sarah and Kira. She needed for them to be okay.  She didn’t know what she would do if they weren’t.

Then there was a call. With shaky, nervous hands, she answered the phone and recognized Sarah’s voice almost right away.

"Cos, somebody wants to talk to you."

Cosima heard a rustle and a little cough.

"Auntie Cos? Mum said you’re home! And that you saved me. Thank you.”

Cosima almost dropped her phone in surprise to hear Kira’s small, almost groggy sounding, voice. She let out a small gasp and gave her friends the thumbs up and a grin. Kira was alive. Kira was alive and Sarah had her back.

“Oh, Kira. It’s so good to hear your voice. Your mom’s just being silly. We all know it was her that saved you. Are you doing okay?”

"Mhmmm. Rachel gave me back to mum. Mum looks tired."

Cosima chuckled. “Your mom barely sleeps, Kira. But we’re all so happy that you’re okay. Scott and Hell Wizard are dancing right now.” After hearing Kira giggle, she added, “I’m being serious. Oh, now Scott’s doing the worm on the floor. We’re all so excited to see you.”

"Mum said you can come to S’ house. We’re all going there. And I wanna meet Charlotte! Mum said you got the cure. Are you feeling better?"

Cosima laughed at Kira’s excitement and questions. She talked so quickly as if she didn’t have time. “Yeah, monkey. I am. Can I talk to your mom for a quick second?”

She heard the same rustle again.

"Oi, Cos. A’right?"

“Yeah, I just--are you sure you want me to come over? I just keep putting my foot in my mouth when I talk to you and--”

"Don’t be a twat. You’re always welcome. We’re pickin’ up a pizza. Bring everyone. Charlotte, Scott, Hell Wizard… it won’t be a long night, but I got thanks to give ‘round."

“Okay, cool. Um, I guess I’ll see you later then.”

In typical Sarah fashion, she hung up and Cosima looked up to find the three people staring at her. Scott had his eyes raised and Hell Wizard was smirking slightly.

“What? Why are you all staring? Sarah invited us all for pizza, are you guys in?”

They all nodded and were about to get up to leave when the door opened and Delphine appeared in the doorway. Delphine. Delphine, who was walking down the stairs to approach them. So much of Cosima’s attention had been on Sarah that Delphine (and their argument) had escaped her mind.

“Hello, Scott. Hell Wizard. Charlotte.” Delphine smiled gently and then turned to the scientist. “Cosima.”

Cosima inhaled deeply and turned to her friends. “I’ll meet you guys in the car. I just need a quick sec.”

The three left without any hesitation. Cosima finally exhaled. On instinct, she wanted to reach out and hold the blonde in front of her. Delphine was quiet like she was trying to read Cosima’s complicated expressions. The scientist didn’t know what to do, what to say, how to act.

“You’re angry with me,” Delphine whispered and slowly closed the space between them. “You think I should have fought them harder. That I should have fought to see you.”

Yes. Cosima let Delphine take a hold of her hands and press her forehead against hers. Cosima enjoyed the familiarity of the touch, the simplicity to it. Neither of them had loved anyone before as much as each other. As deeply as each other. First love. Joint hearts. Cosima just didn’t know if it was enough.

“I have to go,” Cosima whispered, not wanting to deal with the inevitable ‘are we’ or ‘aren’t we’ in their relationship. “Kira’s home. We’re going to see her.”

Delphine nodded. “Felix texted me. Maybe Rachel isn’t as…”

“Psycho?”

The French blonde chuckled. “Yes. Psycho. Maybe she isn’t as psycho as we had presumed.”

Cosima shrugged. “People can be surprising.”

“It’s okay,” Delphine said, changing the subject abruptly as she reached out and cupped the other scientist’s cheek. “You don’t have to… If my love isn’t enough, I understand.”

Cosima bit her lip and hoped that tears in her eyes wouldn’t fall. It was feeling like an ending, which didn’t seem right. She always thought that if she found Delphine again that they’d be together. That they’d have a happy ending. That they’d be making crazy science forever.

But Cosima knew they weren’t a fairytale. They had problems that couldn’t be ignored anymore just because they had all the love and passion in the world. Cosima was sometimes too blunt and too honest and Delphine was sometimes too secretive and too untrustworthy. They sometimes felt like they were on opposing sides even if they were on the same one.

“It’s not your love,” Cosima reassured her and kissed her gently. “We have loved each other so much, Delphine. I have loved you so much. You have no idea.”

Delphine fluttered with laughter. “I think I have some idea.”

“But our timing sucks. Our circumstances suck. If I wasn’t a freaking clone and you weren’t--”

“Your monitor,” Delphine finished with a sigh. “I wish that too, ma chérie. I wish I had never… betrayed you. Lied to you. I just want you to be happy. And if you think I could make you happy, my arms are open. If I am not the person that would make you happy, then we can part.”

It was too much for Cosima to handle at the moment. She was just so torn and confused and there was still Sarah that was in the back of her mind. She wasn’t sure that Sarah was into her (or women for that matter), but she still couldn’t stop thinking about their kiss and the way that Sarah made her feel, even if they weren’t together.

Delphine was giving her an out, but Cosima didn’t know if she necessarily wanted one. Delphine was giving her an in, but she didn’t know if she wanted one. She loved her. That, she was sure of. But she wasn’t sure if that love would last. Or if it was enough. Or if… if it wasn’t just lingering love that was there because she had loved her so much.

“You don’t have to give me your answer now,” Delphine reassured her and kissed her. “I can wait. For you, I can wait.”

Cosima kissed her and promised she would give her an answer soon. They kissed a few more times before they both exited the building and went their own separate directions.

..........

Sarah was cautiously happy. Cosima could see her smile when Kira bombarded the scientist with a hug when she entered the house, but she also saw it fade. Cosima understood. Of course, Kira’s return was worth celebrating, but the war wasn’t over. They had to expect retaliation.

The first thing Cosima did was introduce Kira to Charlotte. They hugged awkwardly but then smiled. Kira offered to share her stuff (clothes and toys) with Charlotte and the clone thanked her appreciatively. Charlotte asked Kira if she liked science and the two of them jumped into a conversation about physics that Cosima had taught Kira. Cosima smiled. She knew they’d get along great.

Cosima embraced Felix and Siobhan too. They thanked her for all her work and help.

“Gosh, I should be thanking you two. The clone club wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for those who aren’t clones and their selflessness.”

Felix smirked. “Sap.”

Siobhan slapped his arm. “Hush. Thank you, Cosima. We’re a family, you know. And everything you have done for Kira and Sarah, let’s call it even.”

Cosima grinned. That sounded good to her.

Felix asked about Delphine and Cosima admitted the truth. She didn’t know what they were or what direction their relationship was heading. He asked if they were ending it. She only shrugged and he patted her shoulder.

“She has gorgeous hair,” Felix stated seriously with a sigh. “But you’re loads better. Might be a bit of bias. But darling, we all just want you to be happy.”

“I know,” Cosima replied with a solemn nod. “So does Delphine.”

She changed the topic of conversation and asked about Alison. Felix revealed that she was home and was trying to get settled a little but would show up later. Cosima missed her greatly and was excited to give her the cure. Though, she and Scott needed to make some more.

Cosima wanted to talk to Sarah, but the punk was almost entirely wrapped up into a conversation with Art. He stood near her almost constantly, as if he was shielding her. Like he was trying to protect her.

“Mum’s happy you’re here,” Kira whispered as she gave Cosima yet another grateful hug.

“Really?” Cosima asked her in more of a questioning tone than she had intended. She didn’t think Sarah looked at her more than twice all night long. “Did she say something?”

Kira shook her head. “I can feel it. She feels calm when you’re around. Lighter.”

Cosima gulped. She hoped that Kira didn’t feel what Cosima had been feeling for her mom recently.

“You should go talk to her. She missed you a lot when you were on the island.”

Cosima couldn’t say no to Kira. She gave the young girl a tight squeeze before heading over to the punk who was leaning on a wall, talking to Art about something.

“There’s nothing you can do right now, Sarah,” She heard Art tell her as she approached them.

“I know but--Cosima.”

Art turned around and forced a smile. “It’s good to have you back, Niehaus. I’ll leave you two to it.”

When Art was out of earshot, Cosima asked, “Is everything alright?”

Sarah sighed and banged her head lightly against the wall. “Somethin’ don’t feel right. I dunno. I’m unsettled, I guess. I’m also not a shindig kinda gal.”

Cosima snorted. “I thought you were quite the party animal.”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “This isn’t a party, geek monkey. How are--”

They were interrupted by the opening of the front door. Alison. Alison with shorter hair, flowing clothes, and purple streaks. It was hard for people not to stare, but surprisingly, it was Sarah who broke the silence and the barrier by walking up to the clone and hugging her.

Alison made an “Oh!” sound and then patted the woman’s back. “It’s good to see you, too, Sarah.”

Sarah pulled away quickly and brushed her fingers through her hair to try to gain back some of her dignity and rough exterior. “Yeah. It’s been a while. Thanks for comin’.”

“Of course, Sarah.” Alison shook her head slightly as if she was annoyed that Sarah thought that she would somehow not decide to come.

Kira ran up to Alison and hugged her. She told the soccer mom that she liked her hair and Alison thanked her.

“You look good, Alison,” Cosima greeted and hugged the woman. “I like the purple. Very hip. Ooh and zen.”

“I also got a tattoo!” Alison yelped and almost pulled down her pants before Sarah slapped her hand.

“We can all compare our tats at a later time, Hendrix. Come in. I know Fee is really--”

“Oh my god.” Felix approached Alison and stared at her. “You’re marvelous.”

Cosima wanted to pay attention to all the catching up and hugs, but she couldn’t get over Sarah’s words. Our tats.

.....

After a few hours and a few beers, people started to leave. Scott and Hell Wizard were first to go (after making sure with Cosima that she didn’t want to go with them). Then Alison who overshared about needing to reconnect with her husband. Charlotte decided to stay and sleep over with Kira before Art had to pick them up tomorrow morning and bring them to his ex. Eventually, Siobhan went to her room and Felix fell asleep on the couch. It was just Cosima and Sarah left, drinking beer and sitting on the floor.

“You can stay, y’know. My bed has enough room. And I probably won’t be sleepin’ anyway.”

Cosima was barely paying attention to Sarah’s words. “Do you think Rachel’s on our side now? Do you think we could work with her?”

Sarah furrowed her eyebrows. “She stabbed me, Cos. I put a pencil in her eye. I don’t think we could ever bury the hatchet and become mates.”

“You shot Helena. Helena killed Amelia and the other clones. And I said nothing about you guys being friends.”

Sarah glared at her. “You’re makin’ me regret offerin’ you a bed.”

Cosima snorted. “Sorry. I just… when I think about the life she’s had, her childhood, I can’t help but have a little sympathy for her. And she’s probably gay.”

Sarah choked on her beer. “What? How the bloody hell do you know that? And why the hell does that matter anyway? ”

“When we first met, one of the first things she asked me was if I was gay. It seemed so foreign to her. Out of all the things she wanted to know about me, it was that. It made me feel sad for her, almost.”

“You might have a point, Cos. But I hope not. I don’t wanna relate to her in any way.”

Cosima didn’t know if it was the alcohol or what, but she felt like Sarah was coming out to her. “What do you mean?”

Sarah shrugged and took another swig. “I dunno. It’s nothin’.”

The scientist frowned. She could see that there was something that the other woman wanted to say but remained silent about it. Like there was a secret lodged inside of her, terrified to leave the darkness.

“You know, I didn’t know I was gay until I was sixteen. For the longest time, I wasn’t interested in anyone. Like, at all. Which was fine because I was focused on school anyway. But one day, I had a new lab partner in chemistry and… it all clicked.”

Sarah looked up at Cosima and tilted her head. “Did you two date?”

Cosima snorted. “Hell no. After weeks of pining, I found out she was already dating this guy. I knew him, he was cool, it made sense. Broke my heart, though. Nah, I didn’t have a girlfriend until college, actually. I’ve always kind of sucked at relationships.”

Sarah raised her beer and said, “You’re preachin’ to the choir. That’s why I don’t do ‘em.”

“What about Cal?”

Anger seemed to roar through Sarah’s body. “He’s not here, is he?”

Cosima frowned, feeling like she overstepped. “I’m sorry.”

Sarah shrugged. “S’no problem. C’mon, Cos. Let’s go to bed.”

She hadn’t let the scientist disagree with her. Cosima silently followed Sarah to her bedroom. It was dark. Pleasantly dark. The two of them just crawled into the sheets and laid down, facing the ceiling.

“I was fourteen when I first had sex,” Sarah confessed after a few minutes of silence. “He was twenty. I don’t really know if it was rape. Coulda been. I was out of it. Dunno if I was hammered or high but… it fucked me up. I was seventeen when I first shagged a girl. She and I were shacked up in an abandoned house. We fucked for warmth.”

Cosima bit her lip. “Sarah, you don’t have to--”

“But this what you wanted, innit? You shared ‘cause you wanted me to. I sleep with both. Sometimes together, sometimes not. Orgies ain’t really my thing, but threesomes and foursomes are fine. Drugs make it better. Relationships make it worse. Shite. This is why I don’t share, Cos. It isn’t… ”  

Cosima watched as tears fell down Sarah’s cheeks. The scientist held her hand and squeezed it. “I’ll listen to whatever you want to say. And if you don’t wanna say anything, that’s cool too. I didn’t mean to push you.”

“Y’didn’t. It’s me. I’m afraid…” Sarah whispered quietly and trailed off.

“Of what?”

“Nothin’. Nevermind. Sorry.”

Cosima shook her head and moved so that she was facing Sarah’s body. “Don’t be. I feel it too.”

Sarah gulped. “What do we do?”

The scientist didn’t have a good answer for her. She didn’t know how she felt, how to solve it, how to make things better. She just knew that there was something there.

“We hope that it feels clearer in the morning.”

Sarah sighed appreciatively. She turned so that she could see Cosima and closed her eyes. Cosima prayed for sleep.

--------

thanks for reading! let me know if you want me to add you to the tags!

[happily-reverieafter]

Married Life with a Mafia Executive (1)

This is inspired by the amazing headcanons from @bsdmess​ 

(Here is the link!)

Please enjoy Married!Chuuya fluff. Our angsty bae deserves all the love. I will be using one OC (Yuko) for all of my Chuuya drabbles/fanfics. I may do a backstory to their love story, but some other time.

(You are warned that there are allusions to sexual content but nothing explicit. They are a happy, healthy married couple, after all. Who wouldn’t want to tap that?! XD Enjoy!)

------

It was an unusual off day for Yuko and her mafia husband. Her husband is exceedingly busy, being one of the best in the Port Mafia, and one of the strongest ability user in Japan after all. So, whenever she gets a day off to spend with the love of her life, she counts her blessings.

On this day, he insisted on buying her jewellery for an upcoming social event that they will be attending - their first as a married couple. The newly minted Nakahara Yuko should be used to her husband who had a penchant for spoiling her rotten by now, but he never ceased to amaze her. 

She eyes the vast amount of jewellery that Chuuya had already chosen critically as he is still examining a set of crystal pieces.

"How about this?" Chuuya holds up yet another crystal necklace that has sapphire embedded in them.

"No, you already bought me two! And the other necklaces and earrings. And please do not get me started on the bracelets." Yuko rolls her eyes fondly at Chuuya who is extremely concentrated on looking at the jewellery pieces.

"Mmmmm, you're right. The blue doesn't bring out the sparkle in your eyes. Miss, bring me the emerald ones!" Chuuya only listens to her vaguely.

Ignoring her protests, Chuuya points to an array of emerald set necklaces that he spies at the corner of his eyes.The eager salesgirl happily flit off to show this very generous customer more products.

"Are you listening to me?" Yuko pouts at him.

"I am always listening, wifey…" Chuuya turns back and smirks playfully at Yuko, his eyes lit up with mirth, "…you have the most beautiful voice in the world, if i can, I wish I can listen to it all day...”

Yuko thinks that life is highly unfair. She really wants to put her foot down and tell him that he is being a spendthrift. But, how can she do it when her dearest husband looks at her with such fondness, even if his dark blue eyes are telling her that he is deliberately being cheeky to avoid the topic in question.

Yuko tries the soft approach, "I have enough jewellery, Chuuya. You bought me so many for our wedding, I changed my jewellery every two hours just so I could try to wear them all! And, even then, I still have ones that I haven't worn."

"If you are bored with them, you can throw them away. I can get you new ones." His eyes turn back to the emerald pieces that the salesgirl has just presented to them, leaving Yuko flabbergasted.

Yuko let out a long suffering sigh. 

"I know you are filthy rich, but can you please stop spending your money as if money grows on trees?"

"Don't worry, darling, I spent enough money to pamper you for a lifetime." He turns to her and kisses her temple, "Now, which one would you like?" Chuuya holds up two emerald necklaces, his eyes full of determination and she knows she had to pick one, if not she would not hear the end of it.

She looks at the two then points to the one that seems less expensive.

"My wifey has the best taste. Okay, we will take both. That is all. Here." Chuuya gives the salesgirl the other emerald necklace and fishes out a card to hand over.

Yuko looks at Chuuya in frustration, "If you were going to get both, why did you make me choose?"

"Oh, well…Your neck does look a little bare today…" Chuuya replies as he leans over closely to put the chosen necklace onto Yuko's neck.

"Mmmm, there…" He whispers, and before pulling back, he plants a deep kiss onto the nape of her neck, making Yuko blush hard.

"CHUUYA, WE ARE IN PUBLIC!" Yuko flushes in embarrassment.

Chuuya leans back and smiles cheekily as he admires how the blush makes Yuko even more ravishing, "My wifey is so beautiful, I can't help myself~"

"You're a rascal." Yuko huffs.

"I am your rascal." Chuuya insists.

"Yes, you're my rascal." Yuko hides her embarrassment behind her handbag that she uses to cover her face.

"Now, don't hide your beautiful face from me~" Chuuya tries to peel the handbag off her hands.

This sweet moment is interrupted by one of his underlings who cautiously goes forward to report some trouble that had just surfaced.

"WHAT?" Chuuya narrows his eyes at the underling who looks cautiously at her.

The underling relays the situation to an increasingly irritated Chuuya.

"THAT ASSHOLE DARES TO MAKE TROUBLE ON MY TURF?" The gentle and sweet Chuuya instantly turned into the brash and foulmouthed Chuuya as he curses with a string of colourful vulgarities.

"Chuuya-dono? What shall we do?" The underling asks timidly, his teeth clattering as he looks worriedly at the very irritated executive.

Ever since Chuuya got into a relationship, it was widely known within the Port Mafia, that anyone who dares interrupt his time with his then-girlfriend now-wife is basically courting death. That explains why the underling looks like he is on death's door, whereas the other underlings look relieved not to be the bearer of such news.

"I WILL ANNIHILATE THE BASTARD, THAT IS WHAT. You, send the missus home first. IF SHE HAS ONE SCRATCH ON HER, YOU ARE DEAD." Chuuya clutches onto the guy's collar then shoves him aside before waving him away.

"Will you be home for dinner?" Yuko asks patiently as his outbursts are commonplace for her by now.

Amidst his texting and checking his phone, he pauses then looks up.

"I will take you out for dinner to make it up to you." He leans in to kiss her forehead.

"It's alright, I shall cook you dinner. Thank you." Yuko takes his card from the salesgirl who has returned timidly, befuddled by the sudden change in Chuuya. She takes his wallet and tucks the card back into its slot, before returning the wallet into his coat pocket.

"Mmmm, then I shall have you for dessert." Chuuya grins as he licks his lips and and gazes at her flirtatiously.

"You're incorrigible." Yuko flushes in embarrassment, but her smile gives her away, "…go destroy the bastards, I will be home…maybe in that new white nightdress you bought me…" She plants a quick kiss on his cheek, with Chuuya looking dumbly at her as Yuko smiles and saunters out of the jewellery store with the underling that is in charge of sending her home.

Needless to say, Chuuya got rid of the bastard that ruined his day off with his wifey, and the two blissfully enjoyed the rest of the night together. The dinner was only partially consumed as they were…otherwise busy with other affairs.

---------

Please excuse any grammatical errors that I may have. I have not written a fanfic in forever. Comments are greatly appreciated! Thank you~ Until the next fic~

If you liked it, there is a second installment: (2)

[itsbuckysworld]

Deep Breaths*

*TRIGGER WARNING: This topic can be triggering to some. I tried to handle it the best way I could without being too in depth

Request: I’ve combined these two for this one.

heelllloo, maybe a oneshot where Bucky finds out you've been struggling with a certain problem but never told him and decided to deal with it yourself and he gets angry and hurt? pretty please :3

so i was wondering if you could do a bucky reader, i get mentally drained sometimes for no reason and my whole body kinda just aches and feels so heaving could you do it whenever bucky notices and just looks after you with cuddles and it's just fluffy? x

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader.

Guest Appearance: Steve Rogers. Vision.

Warning AGAIN: THIS COULD BE TRIGGERING FOR PEOPLE WHO SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, ANY OF THOSE SORTS. HANG IN THERE, YOU’RE WORTH IT. It’s a bad day, not a bad life.

A/N: I hope you don’t mind i’ve combined these two prompts but to me they sort of went hand in hand, and this is a somewhat hard topic for me to sink into given I also have lots of moments of anxiety and depression and just all around a not so great mental health. so yeah, and if the metaphors aren’t too good, i tried to compare it to my own personal attacks

Smooches! xoxo, - L

REQUESTS ARE OPEN PLEASE CHECK OUT MY 1K FOLLOWER WRITING CHALLENGE AND CONSIDER PARTICIPATING/REQUESTING FROM IT :)

FEEDBACK IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!

Y/N your name   |   Y/L/N your last name   |

You recognized the feeling when it was already too late.

For some reason your brain was already in that mindset you’d sadly come to know too well. Sometimes there was a very vivid trigger, other times you could wake up and feel heavy, like you couldn’t lift your arms above your head no matter how hard you tried, and sometimes you didn’t even want to try, and just know what kind of day it would be.

The most you got to do that day was walk to the kitchen and make yourself a bowl of cereal, and it was clear on your face that you’d rather be in bed, close to dead, than doing anything else.

Were you even hungry? Or were you making breakfast to find some sort of normalcy in the middle of your mental struggle?

And so, with nothing else to do and too far gone to focus on your surroundings and even begin to care for yourself, you decided you could use your bed for a little longer. More like for the rest of eternity.

You door had been closed since 9am that day, and the sun was setting over the horizon, tinting the avengers compound all hues of orange, all unbeknownst to you, with your shut blinds and your tear stained face under the covers, awake, not able to sleep a wink no matter how hard you tried, and too tired to try and battle the heavy thoughts and awful scenarios.

On the other side of your door stood Steve, biting his nails almost to his nailbeds. He’d known you for a while longer than the rest of the team. He was the first ‘Avenger’ you met, before joining the team or even shield itself, or what remained of it, offering your help. He’d known you enough to know that sometimes, this was all your mind reduced you to. A mess of limbs that decided to shy away from the world and just let itself be consumed by the cold touch of the dark. He knew what your mind tricked you with, the ghosts of things that have never happened but felt far too real not to believe haunted you in days like these. The looming memory of other days where it felt like you wouldn’t see the end of the dark tunnel always trying to keep you in the same mentality.

Steve, despite knowing you for so long, had never learned what to do. Last time it was like this he’d left you alone, and miraculously it worked? Or at least the following day you seemed a little more… awake… Alive. He knew the moment he saw the forgotten, now soggy, cereal on the kitchen table, that something was off. The compound was far more silent when you weren’t around, and that was just fact. The Y/N behind the door, maybe sleeping away, maybe crying her eyes out silently, he didn’t know, wasn’t the Y/N he knew. It was the carcass of her, and he hated feeling so useless.

Vision had felt it, he commented how it didn’t feel like you were there, as if there was a ghost instead, and the ghost didn’t want to talk, therefore Steve never knocked, he just paced.

Bucky had joined him a little earlier. He was one of the newest additions to the team and immediately took a liking to you, and even if he never said anything, or you never mentioned it, he’d noticed this had happened a couple times since he’s been there. Steve couldn’t begin to explain to his best friend what was going on with the girl he knew Bucky fancied. To brief him on it, he had to know himself what was happening, but alas he didn’t, or at least he didn’t feel like it was his place to talk about you when you were like this, without your permission, and you never wanted the topic touched whenever you’d snap out.

To them you snapped out, to you, you fought out and tried to keep up the facade that you felt normal, when in reality, the nagging was in the back of your head, just waiting for a moment of weakness to bite back.

Bucky wasn’t taking it.

It was almost midnight when he decided he couldn’t just sit there and not even reach out to see if Y/N was still alive, it was consuming him that something unknown was consuming her. He didn’t knock, somehow he knew you wouldn’t respond either way, and the sight before him shocked him, stuck him to the ground by your door.

You had shut down, your body ached from not moving all day but at the same time you couldn’t feel your body, it was like you were a floating head, a floating thought that just spun around lost. It drained you, enhancing the dark circles around your eyes, you were just laying there. Tired, defeated. Bucky sighed deeply.

Lifting up your head to look at him standing in the doorway was too much hassle, even if a part of your head was trying to tell you ‘hey, look up, there’s someone there’ there was a bigger voice commanding you to just lay still. A bigged voice blocking his approaching body out, as if saying ‘no one’s there. No one’s here for you’

The image of your clear walls was too ingrained in your brain from staring at it for hours, and it was disturbed with the glint of a metal arm coming to view.

You mentally clenched your fists, given you couldn’t do it physically – too much trouble your body was so much trouble right now – waiting for him to say something. Maybe the same thing you’ve heard Steve say before, or that one guy that tried to psychoanalyze you on a date, but Bucky just sat there, and it took you a second to register that you were feeling his metal hand brushing your hair off your face. Either he was doing it so softly – a feat given it’s a shiny metal arm that would be harsh, cold and heavy against you – or your senses were shut off too, and jolted awake with the change in pace. There was someone there, your brain couldn’t block it out no matter how hard it wanted to in order to keep you trapped and dealing with this on your own inside your head.

You couldn’t decide whether the touch was soothing or intrusive, but in the meantime, you wouldn’t shove it away.

Deep down, Bucky felt that this was a good sign. If you hadn’t chewed him out yet then that meant you weren’t completely uncomfortable with his approach. It wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no either, he’d take that.

By 1am your body finally cooperated, and you moaned as you stretched out, attempting to sit up, and with minimal effort, Bucky helped you quietly, his eyes trained on you as he waited for you to start whatever conversation, if you even wanted to have one.

“I’m sorry” is what you say and you cough immediately, voice hoarse from not being used all day. Bucky ran soothing circles on your back, shaking his head no, answering with the softest tone he could muster. “Nothing to be sorry for.” “I- I just, I don’t know… I don’t” you tried to not cry anymore, that had already happened during the course of the hours and you were exhausted from it. You didn’t know what was wrong with you, you wanted to say, but Bucky shushed you sweetly, giving you a smile. “It’s fine. You don’t… You don’t have to say a thing.” “I’m tired… I don’t know why, I just… I’m so exhausted” with a whisper you lay that on him, and his hands pull you to his chest, his comforting build engulfing you and giving you warmth you didn’t know you needed. A warmth that you could say even in your lost state, was very very nice. He shushed you once more.

“I know… I know” and those words sent you into a sobbing frenzy against his chest, feeling vulnerable and weak and so damn drained that there was nothing else you could do but break, but at the same time those tears were a little more of thankfulness. You couldn’t even catch yourself between sobs and he continued to soothe you. “Deep breaths, love. Breathe”

He got it. You knew he did.

He’d felt something familiar for a long time too. The loneliness, the tricks your mind could play on you, the thoughts, the exhaustion. The memories of everything bad or embarrassing or just tormenting, coming over you like waves. The feeling of being lost, not knowing where it all came from or where it all could go. He knew it all too well, it almost mirrored his PTSD, except his dreams and triggers were vivid and real, yours more like a shadowy ghost dropping bombs to tear at your walls, but it all ended the same. With drained bodies that just can’t bear to live another day in the uncertainty of whether or not it gets better, or is everyday going to continue like this? Like you’re drowning, sailing far away on your own, wondering if anyone would join you, but worrying that you can battle the high tides alone, just to not bother people with your silly issues that only seem big to you.

It was very, very exhausting, and Bucky understood. Bucky got the depression, the anxiety, the monsters in your head without having to say much, and the clock neared 2am when you finally started to fall asleep against his chest, wishing for the following day to feel a little less foggy and heavy. Bucky pressed a kiss to your temple, over and over and over, trying to remind you that he was there, and he was there because he wanted to, and not because he felt obligated or like you were a dead weight on his back.

He’d been through something similar, you made the connection, and you finally understood why Steve always told Bucky to take it little by little, day by day, back when Bucky’s mind was the worst it had ever been. Maybe it wasn’t the end of a dark tunnel for good, but it was better, a lot better than how it started, and that was enough for now. Then maybe tomorrow it could be a little more and a little more. Just with deep breaths, and taking it step by step.

Bucky’s right there when you wake up the next morning. And you’re thankful.

A/N: Hope this was somewhat fine. This is a topic im not too fond of writing cause idk how to explain it/make it relatable/if its any good to write cause of the weight of it. I tried to compare some of it to things i’ve felt myself so hopefully this is still decent. 

requests are open, please check my 1K followers Writing Challenge and participate

HERES MY ASK   |||  Masterlist

xoxo

L.

[blade-who-left-monsters]

A Primer on Tournament RP!

Hi everyone! After spending over two years helping out at Balmung’s largest and longest-running combat Roleplay tournament (The Grindstone!) I’ve noticed a few things about how events this large and intricate work. As such, I’ve noticed some trends that are helpful and some that could indicate a lack of understanding in the event mechanics itself. This primer is intended to let participants both new and old see the tournament through the organizer’s lens, and possibly react accordingly. A couple disclaimers: 1. This is by no means an extension of the official Grindstone rules. Nothing in here is set in “stone”. You can have a character come by and ignore everything in this primer and still meet all of the event rules. This is just a general guide to help us help you and run the event smoothly. 

2. While this is written through the lens of a Grindstone healer/overseer, many of the concepts can apply to other tournaments too. HOWEVER! If you are a tournament organizer who would like to use this guide as optional reading to link to event participants, please ask me first! There are a couple tournaments I would not like my tumblr url and my writing associated with. 

Now lets get started!

This is for people joining as participants! If you want to join as a healer, I may do another primer later, but in the mean time please reach out to me with any questions!

1. The rules and announcements are in /y /yell. PLEASE have this channel enabled if you participate! If not you will not know who you are fighting against, where you are fighting, who your overseer for the night is, or any other announcements we need to make on the fly. 

2. While in line for the tournament to start, while we encourage ambient roleplay and character interaction, please keep hostilities down! We try to start opening ceremonies promptly so we can wrap up the tournament before the wee hours of the morning. This is very hard to do if there are brawls in the crowd! This also goes for antagonistic behavior that would provoke other characters to action that isn’t violent in itself. 

3. During the rules and opening ceremonies, please keep chatter in open channels to a minimum if possible! I know there is a lot going on, I know you/your character may need to react to a situation, but it’s when the arbiter is usually busiest. While exceptions often happen, anything you can do to limit scrolling text is greatly appreciated!

4. No Animals. It’s the fourth rule of the Grindstone, and while one of our regulars has made a name for himself yelling “BOOOO” after this rule is announced, imagine how much the chat would scroll if every single fighter did it. Let him be the exception rather than the rule please!

5. After the rules, all fighters in turn /yell their names and weapons. This gives us time to record the participants and matchups. While you may make your introduction as colorful as you’d like, it makes the process easier and quicker for our arbiter if we copy your character’s ign as is. So while you may use an IC alias, for the speed of organization and for ease of your opponent finding you by nameplate, we will use your in game name for announcements. Please feel free to assume we shout your alias instead, and also let your opponents know OOCly if you are using another name. 

6. While we are recording names for matches, it is the busiest time for the arbiter. If you have any questions or comments during this time, please send them to another staff member on the rock. 

7. Speaking of the rock, please do not stand on the rock if you are not helping with healing/organizing that night. It’s not that the staff want to stoke our egos and feel superior, it’s just an easy distinction for newer participants so they know who is available to ask questions to. 

8. When assigned to a location, please stay where the overseer of the location can see your posts and rolls. This helps us have empirical evidence to settle any disputes. If an overseer asks you to move closer, please do so!

9. When you are paired up and you find your opponent, there is no major announcement for the fights to begin. You can start whenever you are both ready!

10. As almost all participants know, the fight ends when one fighter has scored 3 hits on the other. As a surprisingly smaller amount of people know, this rule is not in character! Your character would consider the fight to be over when one party is forced to yield! If anyone says anything IC about only needing to score 3 hits for a Grindstone match, THEY ARE INCORRECT.

10a. This means, while on the offense, please do not make your hits just ‘I’m not going to hurt anyone Q_Q!’ taps with the message of ‘if I score 3 hits, they have to give up!’ This means that if your opponent actually knows the rules, they have to do a lot of annoying mental gymnastics on why their character who probably wants to win would yield after 3 pokes. 

10b. This means, while on the defense, when your opponent gets the third hit they have beaten you and forced your character to yield. To have your character brush off their attacks with ‘well that’s the third time you touched me so I’m out, but I would have won in a REAL fight’ cheapens their win and overall experience. Good fighters have bad days. If you can’t fathom why your character could have lost in a single fight to somebody with possibly less skill and experience, then you might want to fine tune them before you bring them to public combat rp. 

11. If any disputes happen during the fight, please alert the overseer of your section. While it is on us to scroll back to find posts/rolls in question, any help you can give us with timestamps of problem posts will be a big help!

12. After the fight, if you are the winner, please send a /tell to your overseer. If you lost, you can /tell your overseer that instead, BUT it’s easier for us to keep track of people moving on if we get the tells from the winner. If you want to help speed things along after a loss, you can remind your opponent to send their overseer a tell instead!

13. While we have IC safety measures in place to ensure no one is seriously hurt, this is a safety net, not an excuse to beat your opponent to an inch of their life. You are sparring in a tournament, not fighting on a battlefield. OOCly, we know you aren’t going to kill another character. ICly, we’re not going to metagame our characters into knowing your haphazard greatsword swings will miraculously not go through your opponent’s heart. A general measure of if a move is too brutal for the Grindstone would be- If it hitting as intended would prevent your opponent from fighting with at least 95% of their strength the next day without any magical healing. Speaking of healing..

-----In almost all of your Grindstone fights, you will be hit! One of our rules is that anyone hit must be tended by a healer before their next match. This keeps things fair ICly and limits derailments from the event to patch up serious injuries. The next few topics deal with healing at the Grindstone. 

14. Most of our participants are healed by a healer on staff using one of several types of magic on them. With the ratio of fighters to healers, we sometimes plan posts in our head or start typing them as soon as we see the fight end. This is especially true during the first few rounds when fewer people have been eliminated. To help us move fights along, please let us know as soon as possible if your character’s healing needs differ from the norm. Usually this involves using an alchemical potion instead of magic, using a specific type of magic, or having a friend of the character who isn’t on staff heal them instead. If your character requires a special sort of healing, let us know OOC when you know who your sections healer(s) is and we will work with you to get you back in the fight quickly!

15. In most fights, the victor is going to be less injured. In a real injury situation, it makes more sense to help/stabilize the more injured person first. However, actual people are not injured at the Grindstone. Also, the victors often have matches waiting. For the ease of progressing the tournament, healers will often quickly heal the victor first so they can get to their next fight. While yes, this is a form of metagaming, please understand that we need to do a couple slight meta moves to help the event, and please have your characters act accordingly and not jump down healers’ throats for not patching up the more wounded first. 

16. If you want to help heal, let the staff know. We use OOC communication to help manage healing to streamline the event, especially in earlier rounds. Having some one none of us knows start throwing healing and saying fighters are ready will add more confusion and frustration to the event in the long run. 

17. Especially in early rounds, healers need to help things moving. However, if you want more attention for your character’s wounds, please tell your healer. We can work something out to stabilize your character in the short term and then check back on them when we aren’t swarmed. 

18. Is it unrealistic for our healers to magic away any injury your character receives during the Grindstone? A little, but the benefit in keeping things fair and the event moving is worth it. Please understand our approach if you wish to participate in our event. 

Is this a LOT to take in for participating in one event? YES

Do you need to read this primer to participate? NO

Will reading it help you participate? I SURE-AS-PEAS HOPE SO! OTHERWISE I WROTE A LOT OF CONTENT FOR NOTHING

But regardless, I hope this helps illustrate the amount of effort and planning that goes into a long running, large, and frequent tournament event such as the Grindstone. While having more of an understanding of how to help the staff will help us improve the event overall, we sincerely hope the Balmung community enjoys our efforts nonetheless! 

If anyone has further questions, or you are a tournament organizer who would like to use this primer, or you just want to say hi and be spammed with pictures of my cats in return, please send me a friend request/message on Discord! Lucerna#2506