#if anyone at all actually read that--even just one person--I'd be shocked

[sysmedsaresexist]

We're curious, since you apparently were anti-endo in the past Was there any specific event or conversation or experience that got you to start contemplating the idea you might have been wrong? I know you've mentioned talking to a buncha big name docs and going "okay I think I'm on the wrong side of this debate" but what got you to the point of even bringing it up with them in a genuinely open minded way? We think its an interesting topic for people who've escaped any kind of shithead mindset, not just anti-endo stuff, and so we're oft curious what pulls people out of those pits

This has been a loooonnggggg time coming.

I wish there was just one event that did it, if it was that simple I'd be putting everyone I come into contact with into that situation.

I spoke with Kymbra Clayton in early 2021 about her paper, Critiquing the Requirement of Oneness. It was on a bunch of, "proof endos exist," lists, and it didn't sit right with me. I was surprised to find that she wasn’t... quite anti endo, but she was upset that her work was being used to support them. Her paper was specifically about the shift in clinical circles from final fusion to functional multiplicity as a possible treatment goal. It sort of sent me deeper on the anti side, but it made me realize that, holy crap, I can talk to these people???

So I emailed Colin Ross later that year, desperate to prove someone else wrong, and despite numerous back and forth emails, he was completely pro endo. I never spoke about that conversation until I made my post about it... jeez, what, two weeks ago? What even is time.

But from there, I worked through other doctors, pro and anti, from both my personal, professional circles, and anyone else who would respond to inquiries about their work on whatever social media they were active on. Mostly, as therapists, they stressed the importance of understanding and kindness, regardless of personal beliefs.

I ended up helping a lot of endogenic systems learn about DID, and I realized that, wow, shocking, being nice facilitates conversation. As I got nicer, people were more willing to talk to me about their experiences. I saw how many people were really struggling and I realized that I wanted to help them more than I wanted to be right.

I got REALLY goddamn tired of hearing, "we don't have DID," and I realized I had to concede on that point. There was ZERO conversation to be had if I couldn't get my head around that. But if not DID, then what?

The more I heard, the more I shaped my own thoughts and understanding, the more I broadened my academic searches (wow, there's more terms to Google than just "DID trauma"), and the research was just overwhelming.

I wanted so badly to see the Stanford Tulpa studies fail that I actually started to enjoy the other work of the doctors involved (specifically Tanya Luhrmann, Michael Lifshitz is a little out there for me, but he sure is passionate). The more I read, the more I understood what they were hoping to accomplish and prove, and the more I saw ways that this kind of research can help people.

I don't agree with everything, but I'm still excited to see where it goes, and I realized it's okay to have mixed feelings and opinions, as long as I could be respectful about it.

I've been sneaking out endo safe content for about a year now, adding it on as the last tags. I've discussed at length about my changing beliefs. I'm shocked that no one noticed??

But I didn't actually change my stance publicly until the antis turned on me.

With this new round of antis from TikTok, they were posting stuff about DID that wasn't correct. At all. Some of it was disgustingly wrong. I tried to correct them, gave them pointers and resources to use, explained things they weren't understanding. I gave an amazing play by play of how @sophieinwonderland was going to tear their post apart, and managed to get it pretty damn close to what actually happened! That was fun.

And in return, they called me an endo and started an actual smear campaign against me.

(Hi, friendos, another reminder to get off my blogs and block me, please)

It was the straw that broke the back. I had held on the anti label specifically to be able to work within the anti community, but I was clearly not anti, these were clearly not my people, and they weren't interested in learning. Their actions and behaviour were beyond low. I wanted nothing to do with them.

But, I mean, I guess some people noticed my slow shift, because when I did reach out into the endo community just before I made my first Colin Ross post, they were quick to pull me in without question.

The acceptance and kindness that has been shown to me is... breathtaking. I can't think of a better word. The conversations that I've been having with people have been more interesting and beneficial than ever before.

Syscourse needs to involve actual conversation, and I've finally found that on the pro side.

TL;dr I wanted to prove endos wrong SO badly that I accidentally proved them right

[furiousgoldfish]

There was a time, when as a young adult, I'd be reading self-help books, in order to see if I can do something to make my life livable. Sometimes, these books would go very deep into victim blaming, and making a person believe that they can just 'manifest anything', or 'make things happen', and later I trashed all of that nonsense, but as an inexperienced person, I was all up for magical thinking, and taking advice from people who enjoyed making everything a vague concept that one can control with their mind.

Some of these books indeed, touched on parenting, and their philosophy was that parents who are bad, are simply bad because their parents were bad, which is something they love to use as their favourite excuse (i had it worse). But as a young person, how was I to know this was stupid, I believed this. The book went on to encourage the child, to try and be the parent's replacement parent, and to offer them caretaking and parenting they never had in their youth. Now, if you know how child abuse works, you'd recognize this immediately as the encouragement of parentification, making the child responsible for the parent's well being, being the caretaker instead of being taken care of, taking responsibility for the parent's actions and behaviours when the child has absolutely no control or power over it - basically bad. But, how was I to know, right. So I decided to try and take this advice, and try to see; what are my parents lacking, in the form of having their own parents?

This is where things got funny; I analyzed my parents behaviour, and realized very quickly, that what they lack is moral compass, correction of intensely selfish, irresponsible, ignorant and shallow behaviour, and if these were my children I would simply not tolerate that level of malice. My parents weren't lacking in care, they were lacking in discipline. So at that point, I, who had no income, shelter, social power, access to resources, finances, or anything else, thought I was responsible for disciplining my parents and teaching them how to 'not be evil', if I wanted to change them in normal and good people. (Completely normal and possible thing to do.)

And it's not like I had any guidance in how to offer proper 'discipline', all I knew was violence, which I couldn't do for obvious reasons, and the next thing would be scolding, yelling, guilt-tripping, criticism, making them 'feel bad' for 'doing bad things'. And that's exactly what I had decided to do. Next time my father was acting selfish, malicious, shallow and self-obsessed, I dropped him a 'This is why you don't have any friends.' line.

Now I have no idea why, but this actually got to him. He was shocked for a moment, and then started acting defensive. 'I have friends!' he insisted, and then he started listing all of the coworkers he used for his gain in the last week. 'Those are not real friends.' I decided. That had actually gotten him upset. He started listing all the things he did with those people, which were just random work transactions, and it didn't convince me at all.

Looking back, it's funny because I was so low on his hierarchy of people whose opinion mattered, he tried to kill me multiple times, he screamed inhumane slurs and insults at me constantly, he considered me less than a person, less than a thing even, but he was still so offended that anyone in the world could think he had no friends. What I had done is made him worried that his facade and public image of being well-connected and liked wasn't strong enough, and convincing me that he was all those things, was how he thought he'd fix it. He didn't even think for a second that maybe he should fix his malicious and exploitative behaviour, it was all about maintaining an image of being something else.

Obviously he didn't have any friends, because he's a narcissist, and narcissists don't make friends, they keep prisoners. I was a constant thorn in his eye because I could see trough his delusions and would regularly call him out on that, which of course then brought on violence to make me terrified of contradicting him. Because that's how they think reality is generated, if they say something is true, and nobody contradicts them, then that must be the new reality.

Anyway, I didn't try to argue with him on friends again, because it got boring and did nothing to fix his inhumane behaviour, and I didn't like interacting with him anyway. But I still find it very funny that a book that was trying to push abused children into caretaking for their parents, pushed me into trying to punish them for abuse, it was almost Matilda-like in fashion. If I had magic powers I would have changed these people (into people too scared to be evil in front of me).

[mypoisonedvine]

𝙼𝙴𝙴𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙼𝚄𝙽𝚂𝙾𝙽𝚂 - chapter 10: all the love in the world. FINALE.

𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢 - the end is just the beginning.

𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝 - over 10k

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 - SMUT (18+ only, I warned y'all from the beginning), emotions, angst, fluff, more stepcesty stuff, brief pregnancy mention/discussion, reader's mom gets a first name sorry if that breaks the illusion for anyone

(thank you to everyone who read this series, it's been such an adventure and I'm glad I could take you with me <3)

Eddie cleared his throat as he stood in front of the crowd gathered in the backyard— small, but still a crowd.  "Well, um, hi," he waved at the seated guests, most of whom waved back.  "Bet you never thought you'd see me in a suit, right?" 

Scattered, polite laughs rippled through the group.

"Um, neither did I.  And I never thought I'd see the day that my uncle got married, either, but here we are.  Wayne's never had much luck with the ladies— I guess it's proof we're related, right?" he chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his neck briefly.  "Anyways— I knew something was different when he came home from dinner with a 'friend' —" Eddie gestured with dramatic air quotes— "and couldn't stop smiling.  I've got some pretty great friends but, they don't make me smile like that."

He glanced at you, and you offered your best reassuring smile-and-thumbs-up combo.

"He told me a couple days later that he'd met this woman,” Eddie continued, glancing down at the cards again.  “Apparently he helped her find something at the hardware store.  I was so happy for him that I resisted the urge to make an insensitive joke about if he was going to 'nail' her."

You snorted out an embarrassed laugh, and you caught your mom’s expression: clearly a little shocked, but thankfully, amused.

"And, uh, I met her a couple weeks later, and she said she liked my hair,” Eddie recalled.  “So I knew she was cool.  But most of all, I knew she was right for my uncle.  He's a pretty stoic guy— and I don't think I've ever seen him laugh in my entire life the way he can laugh in one night with Donna.  They're so right for each other it's nuts.  It hasn't been an easy road to today for either of them.  I think some people think you can only love one person in your life, but they're wrong: you can have an amazing life, and an amazing family, and an amazing daughter with someone…"

Your heart was in your throat already.

"...and you can still find happiness with someone else down the line.  And I can’t think of anyone more deserving of that than you, Donna."

Shit.  You were worried about crying during your own speech.  You hadn’t even considered that you might cry over Eddie’s.

"Donna, you're too nice for your own good.  You took me in just because you love my uncle so much— and that says everything about the kind of person you are.  You've given me a roof over my head, you've given me way more credit than I deserve, and you've given me a really cool sister.  She's actually cooler than me, which is annoying."

You laughed a little, but bit your lip when a sob almost came out.

"Wayne— I won't say too much because I'm not about to cry in front of all these people.  I think everything I really need to say, you already know.  But in case you don't… you're more of a dad to me than my father’s even been.  I’d be in the clink or in a ditch somewhere if you hadn’t been there to straighten me out.  I know I didn’t always make it easy on you… actually, I almost never made it easy on you.  You taught me almost everything I know, except the guitar— and I’m gonna need you to teach me how to find such an amazing lady, and how to make it last.  Deal?”

Wayne nodded at him, and the guests clapped politely as Eddie left his place standing in front of them to give his uncle a hug and his new aunt-slash-mother-figure a kiss on the cheek.  On shaky legs, you stood up and hoped you could find some way to follow that.

Your heart raced as you found yourself facing all those guests; last time you’d been standing in front of them all, you’d been behind your mother at the altar, so they were all looking at her.  Now you were alone and had all their attention to yourself; Eddie took his seat and shot you a thumbs up before you started.

You glanced down at your notes, holding onto them for dear life.  Thank everyone for coming & joke about beer, the first line of the first index card read.

“Well,” you began, feeling your heart rate pick up, “I’d like to begin by thanking you all for coming.  It means so much to us that you’re here, and I know you all wouldn’t miss an opportunity for free beer.”

It was a safe joke, and it got a safe laugh, and you looked at the next line for guidance: When Mom first met Wayne…

“When Mom first met Wayne,” you repeated, “she… actually didn’t tell me.”

That seemed to surprise a few people.

“I guess she was afraid that I wouldn’t approve, either of him or of her dating again at all.  Sadly, her fears weren’t… totally misplaced,” you admitted, cringing slightly.  “But only because, when it comes to any man who wants to be in my mom’s life, I have incredibly high standards.  And anyone who knew my father knows why.”

You flipped to the next card.  DAD it said at the top, with more notes of the points you wanted to cover beneath.  You froze, wondering if you had the strength to go on with what you’d written.

“Um… after my dad passed away…” you started, voice getting a bit weaker— they were all staring at you, that was something you hadn’t properly appreciated when you were preparing this speech, that they’d all be staring like this.  “It was hard, obviously.  It’s not easy for anyone to lose a partner, or a parent.  I know it was harder on my mom than she let on— she was trying to be strong for me.  And I was just trying to pretend like everything was fine.  But it wasn’t, and we were both hurting a lot.  Our family was… broken, it was missing something.  And, of course, no one could fill the space my dad left behind— but I didn’t know someone could make my mom that happy again.”

Shakily, you put the card at the back of the stack and stared at the next heading: WAYNE.  Hard working, compassionate and passionate, nicer than he looks.

“Wayne, though, is truly a special man.  He’s hard-working, compassionate and passionate, and I’ve learned that he’s not as intimidating as he looks,” you smiled.  “I wouldn’t have blamed him at all for basically ignoring me completely— he knows I’m not a kid anymore, and he knows he doesn’t exactly need my approval to be with my mom.  But, he also knows how important we are to each other, and he’s been nothing but supportive of me.  Congrats, Mom, you might’ve gotten one of the last good ones.”

Again, polite laughter for an easy joke— if perhaps a bit more feminist than your average piece of wedding-speech-humor— but when you glanced up, you caught a smirk on Eddie’s face.

You looked down at your cards again, turning to the next one.  EDDIE it said at the top… but the rest was blank.  Fuck, you’d been putting off this part to the very last second— and the last second passed about ten minutes ago.  You let out a nervous “um” as you stalled, trying to imagine what the fuck you could possibly say about Eddie.  “A-and, well,” you choked, “what could I say about Eddie… that hasn't already been said over police radios all across the county."

They laughed, but you only cared if Eddie laughed at that one, so you'd know if you'd gone too far.  You heard his laugh first and loudest, and you smiled to yourself.

"But, in all seriousness: Eddie, you're…" you trailed off again.  You looked at him, which was a huge mistake; the way he was looking at you was just overwhelming.  You glanced down at your cards again quickly.  "You're definitely one of a kind," you decided, "and I'm… really, really lucky to have you in my life."

The crowd was filled with awwws, but you refused to look up from that blank index card.  It was your only protection now— you felt terribly vulnerable in front of everyone, admitting things you hadn't even admitted to yourself.  You took a deep, but shaky, breath in and out.

"They say you can't choose your family," you continued.  "And even in this case, when we're not actually related, it's true.  But— but I'd choose you anyways."

For a second, you almost thought Eddie was tearing up, but he was looking down and it was dark out already, so you couldn’t quite tell.  You flipped to your last index card.  Close out.  

“It’s so special to be with you all here tonight,” you nodded, “celebrating Mom and Wayne— the hottest couple in Hawkins.  Cheers!”

Glasses raised and clinked, and you gave your mom and your new stepfather a hug on your way back to your own seat.

As the night progressed, dinner turned to dancing and slightly heavier drinking— although it turns out older crowds don’t go quite as bananas for free alcohol as high school and college students do, shockingly.

“Can I get you a drink?” Eddie asked you after finding you keeping mostly to yourself in the corner.

“I’m, uh, not much of a drinker,” you informed him.

“Will you come dance with me?” he asked next.

“I’m not much of a dancer, either,” you laughed.

“Neither am I,” he assured with a laugh, extending a hand out to you.  “Just come with me.”

You gave him a look.  “What’s with the insistence?”

“I want you to have fun, is that so terrible?” he pressed.

“Since when is dancing with you ‘fun’?” you noticed.

He gave you a wide grin as one song faded out, and the next one began: Into The Groove by Madonna, the one Eddie had heard you singing along to loudly in your room however long ago.  “I know you dance to this one,” he smirked.

Groaning in defeat, but smiling a bit as the guilty pleasure song played, you took his hand and let him drag you to the middle of the yard.  Of course, for a song like this, dancing together is more just dancing near each other, but he was right— it was fun.

“I’m tired of dancing here all by myself, tonight I wanna dance with someone else!” the lyrics announced as you and Eddie bounced around uncoordinatedly; maybe you looked sort of stupid, but hey, you already had the uncomfortable fluff of a Pepto Bismol pink dress on so it wasn’t like you were ever at risk of looking elegant or anything…

Thankfully the weather was nice and the dark evening was getting even cooler, so working up some heat dancing this way actually served as a protection from the chilly breeze— Eddie had a flush on his face by the time the song was almost over, a rosy tint over his nose and cheeks and the slightest shine on his forehead from the exertion.

In a few minutes, the music changed, from fast and upbeat to something slow and gentle— you recognized it as soon as that familiar voice began to croon: “I can hear so much in your sighs, and I can see so much in your eyes…”

You smiled a little, remembering singing along to The Beach Boys when Eddie was practicing his guitar.  You thought instantly that this song would sound so much better if he were singing it instead, even if you loved the original.

Some people left the dance floor, some couples got up to dance, but everyone had stopped the energetic dancing and had begun to move much more slowly, holding each other… it was all very romantic, except that you were just standing there staring at Eddie as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

“There are words we both could say…”

He cleared his throat, and when he opened his mouth, you were so afraid he was about to make an excuse to leave.  I’m gonna get a beer, you want one? or I should check in on the happy couple or something— and, hoping to stop him, you suddenly put your hands on his shoulders.

Looking at you again, he blinked those brown eyes quickly but stepped closer to you anyways.  Your hands were still on his shoulders, but you never actually found the strength to push him away, so he put his hands on your waist and suddenly you were slow dancing.  “But don’t talk, put your head on my shoulder…”

Your breathing was shaky and you hoped he wouldn’t notice; his thumb moved slightly where it held your waist through your dress, and you felt every touch amplified by your anxiety-awakened skin.

“Come close, close your eyes and be still,” the gentle singing played from the speakers, “take my hand and let me hear your heartbeat.”

Hesitating at first, you leaned your head forward and let it rest on his chest; he tilted his head down to look at you, but you didn’t look back at him, you just couldn’t take that right now.  You really could hear his heartbeat, even without pressing your ear right up to him, even through the white button-up dress shirt; it was strong and fast, and your eyes fell shut.

“Being here with you feels so right, we could live forever tonight,” the song continued, “let's not think about tomorrow and don't talk, put your head on my shoulder—”

Swaying together, you felt Eddie hold you a little tighter, but he could never hold you tight enough.  He could never hold you long enough.  

“Thank you,” he whispered, and you blinked your eyes quickly so you could lean back and look up at him.

“For what?” you wondered.

“Being nice to me,” he replied.  “Just for tonight— you can be mean again tomorrow.”

You laughed a little, looking down at where his shiny black shoes stepped in time with your pink kitten heels.  But then you felt his hand on your waist squeeze gently again and you sighed.  Silence returned, but it wasn’t awkward, just… quiet.  Except for, you know, the music, which went on as you danced together.

“Don’t talk, put your head on my shoulder…”

When the song ended all too soon, you stepped back slightly and looked up at Eddie, wondering if he could see everything in your eyes— it felt like he could, it looked like he could with the way he was looking back at you.

There was only a second of silence before the next song came on, and the melody played on plunky synths gave it away instantly as Take My Breath Away by Berlin.  You exhaled a quick laugh and Eddie took his hands off your back.  “I hate this song,” you announced.

“Me too,” he agreed, “so cheesy.”

You nodded and crossed one arm over your chest to hold the other nervously, starting to awkwardly glance around the reception.

“Wanna get out of here?” he offered, and you looked up at him.

“Eddie, we can’t leave,” you said when you realized what he was suggesting.  

“Yeah we can,” he dismissed with a wave of his hand, “just for a few minutes— they won’t even notice.”

You hesitated before nodding; “Y-yeah, sure…”

He grabbed your wrist and guided you across the yard to the fence, specifically the darkest corner of the fence where he took a cursory glance to make sure no one was looking before lacing his fingers together and holding them down for you.  “Here,” he offered, tilting his head towards the fence.  

You started to lift your foot before you put it on the ground again.  “Wait.  You’re not gonna look up my skirt, are you?”

He sighed.  “Do you really think so little of me, sweetheart?”

Sufficiently guilted, you stepped on his hands and let him give you a lift up so you could grab the top of the fence, just barely getting the leverage you needed to pull one leg over.

“Ooh, cute lace,” he praised lasciviously.

“God damn it,” you hissed, flinging yourself over and managing to land upright on both feet on the other side— it was easier to get down this way because a hill was just starting and the ground was a bit higher.  Eddie hauled himself up a moment later, jumping down onto the other side and dusting himself off afterwards.

You walked up the hill together as he promised to take you to some place he knew about— you just hoped it wasn’t too far, because these silken flats weren’t exactly built for distance.

It wasn’t far at all, actually; it was just past the treeline, over the highest point of the hill, and when Eddie guided you out to where he’d stopped, you gasped at the view.  From here, you could see nearly all of Hawkins— twinkling lights in rows and columns, cars driving down streets, the old church, the town hall—

“Oh my god,” you breathed.  “From here, it almost doesn’t look like the shittiest little town ever.”

He laughed.  “I know, right?”

“When did you find this place?” you asked.

He sat down on the grass and patted beside him for you to sit, too.  “Well,” he began as you tried to find a comfortable way to sit in the dress, “it must’ve been about a week after I moved in.  I went on a walk and sorta just stumbled on it.”

You laughed and sighed simultaneously, shaking your head.  “I’ve lived here for years, and never knew I was one hill away from the best view of the town; you’re here a week and you find this.”

“I think your problem is you have all these amazing things right in front of you,” he decided, “but you don’t know how to look for them.”

“Is that supposed to be a metaphor?” you pressed.

He shrugged.  “It’s just something I noticed.”

A long lull fell in the conversation while the two of you looked out over the lights of Hawkins.  The music from the reception seemed to follow the wind, and with a gust of breeze, you heard guitars and melodic singing: Josie’s on a vacation far away, come around and talk it over…

You laughed, just to yourself, but then started to laugh harder until you were holding your stomach and falling back into the grass.

“What?” Eddie laughed with you.  “What’s so funny?”

You tried to tell him, but you were laughing too hard to make sense.

“Come on,” he whined, and you composed yourself enough to string a sentence together.

“I hated you,” you laughed, “god, I hated you in high school!  You were so… loud!  And you didn’t care what anyone thought of you— and back then, I thought that was a bad thing, I thought it was impossible.  And now— now that nothing can ever happen with us, of course that’s when I start falling for you.”

You didn’t even care that you’d said it, you didn’t even care that he was looking at you that way or that it felt like getting stabbed in the chest.  Your laughter stopped, and you bit your lip to keep it from turning into tears.

“And I just think that’s funny,” you concluded.

“Yeah,” he smiled, looking down at the ground, “yeah, it is funny.”

You were looking out at the horizon, the lights all over Hawkins going out as stores closed and families went to bed and your sleepy little town really slept, when Eddie scooted a little closer to you.

“One question,” he requested.  “Uh… remind me why nothing can ever happen with us?”

“‘Cause my mom, and your uncle,” you sighed.  Your eyes glanced down at your legs, seeing his stretched out beside them, one ringed hand resting on his bent knee as the other kept him propped up in the grass.  “They’re married, in case you didn’t notice.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, “they really love each other, huh?”

You nodded.

“Wayne told me when he was gonna propose to your mom,” Eddie said suddenly.  “I asked him what he was gonna say, and he said, ‘I’m just gonna tell her the truth.’”

You smiled.  “That’s why they work.  The truth is exactly what she needs.”

“What do you need?”

You looked down at the grass.  “I… I don’t know.”

"Maybe," he whispered, "I could finally tell you the truth, too."

You gave him an expectant stare, and he coughed a bit, but continued.

“Okay, well, the truth is,” Eddie began, “I like who I am when I’m with you.  I know you don’t, really, but… I do.  And when I’m not with you, I’m usually thinking about you.  ‘Usually’ as in, ‘always’.”

As he looked at you, searching your expression for some reaction, he leaned in a little closer.

“And I had a bit of a thing for you in high school— I mean, as much as I could, without ever talking to you,” he added.  “Except that one time.”

You remembered it well, normally, but suddenly you forgot everything you ever knew as he moved even closer, his face right in front of yours, his eyes giving you a look that made you shiver.

“And I love you,” he leaned in to kiss your cheek, “I love you,” he kissed the other, “I love you.”

He kissed just beside your nose, and you whimpered: “Eddie—”

He held your face in both his hands, pulling back to look at you closely.  “No, don’t break my heart just yet.  Let me tell you one more time.  I love you.”

You took a shaky breath.  “I thought you hated me,” you whispered.

He looked hurt, and as a tear fell from your eye, he wiped it away with his thumb.  “No, no baby— how could you think that?”

“Because…” you trailed off.  “Because the way I love you makes me hate myself.”

With him giving you that devastated look, you figured you had to continue before you made it too much worse.

“You’re everything I wish I could be,” you explained, “you’re crazy and you’re confident and you’re free.  You don’t care what people think.  And I’m—”

“Uptight, self-conscious, and perfectionistic?” he finished, and you frowned.

“Hey…” you mumbled defensively, looking down, but he lifted your face again.

“Those are all the things I love about you,” he explained.  “I love everything about you.  I knew how you felt about me back then— it didn’t stop me from having a massive crush on you.”

“First it’s a ‘bit of a thing’, now it’s a ‘massive crush’?” you noticed with a raised eyebrow, and he laughed as his cheeks tinted.

“Can’t get anything past you, huh?” he sighed.  “Yeah, I was really into you.  I told myself that you were really this creative, passionate, wild-and-crazy sort of girl beneath the goody-two-shoes shell— that you were just waiting for someone to break you out of that prison you built for yourself.  And I imagined that it was me, that one day you’d ask me for something and we would start talking and you would end up begging me to take you away from it all.  To steal you from that asshole Gary and sweep you off your feet— and we would get in the van and leave it all behind.  Fuck Hawkins, fuck high school, fuck everybody.”

You sniffled, clutching at his tuxedo jacket’s lapel.  “Eddie…” you whispered, not sure how to say anything more than that.

“We’d find shitty jobs and a shitty apartment somewhere in the middle of a town that actually matters,” he continued, “and we’d sleep on the floor the first night because there wasn’t time to pick out a bed.  I could play guitar on a street corner and buy you flowers with whatever coins people toss in the case, and you could take enough pictures to cover the walls so we don’t need wallpaper.  And we’d find a stray cat in the rain and bring it inside and name it something metal like Sabbath or Zeppelin.  And it would all be so stupid, so massively irresponsible, but it would be our stupid irresponsible little life together.  And it would be fucking beautiful.”

Biting your lip, you still couldn’t stop yourself from crying as tears fell down your heated cheeks.  “Eddie, that’s what I wanted,” you sighed.  “I didn’t know it then, but that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Then let’s do it,” he whispered, and it was you that closed the gap— it was you that kissed him, finally, holding on tighter to his jacket as you inhaled sharply and pressed your lips onto his.

They really were soft, just like you thought they’d be; but he tasted different than you expected, maybe because he hadn’t smoked recently.  But he tasted like the way the air smells after it rains, and beer, and the leftover sweetness of wedding cake frosting.  You breathed against his skin and tasted it more as he deepened the kiss, letting yourself really melt into it, letting him hold you tighter and move his lips with yours however he wanted.

His hand gently reached up to hold the back of your head; the other stroked your cheek one more time before drifting down to your waist.

It was surreal— it was hyperreal— it was Eddie, you were kissing Eddie.  Eddie Munson, the freak, the loser, the delinquent; Eddie Munson, your technical-relative; Eddie Munson, that guy who wouldn’t sit still for the damn yearbook photo.

Somehow, thinking about it like that just made you smile a bit and kiss him harder.

What was originally gentle and comforting and sweet started to shift after a few moments, as he opened his mouth wider and gripped your waist harder and let you feel some of that hunger— god, you knew the feeling too well, and you scooted forward in the grass to press yourself to him a bit.  He hummed, low and soft, and you whimpered in return as your noises were nearly lost in the kiss.

You held on tighter to his lapel, then reached up to squeeze his shoulders, and he groaned— fuck, it was the sexiest thing you’d heard since… no, actually, it was just the sexiest thing you’d ever heard.

Gasping against his lips, you pushed him down roughly by those shoulders, pinning him to the grass as you swung your leg and straddled his lap.  “Fuck,” he muttered, pulling you down to kiss him again.

It was shameless now, all lips and tongue and teeth— when he gently bit on your lower lip you thought you might really go actually crazy— as your hands gripped at his shirt to feel his chest while his touch ran down your back, up your legs, basically anywhere he could reach.

Just when you thought this was it, you were really going to get it over with right here and now after all these years, he broke away.  “Baby, wait,” he choked out, shrinking back, and you froze as you pulled away by sitting up slightly.

“What?” you asked, terrified you were about to get your heart kicked back into its cage when you freed it for the first time in years.

“Th-this is a rental,” he blurted out, motioning slightly at the tux he had on.

After a moment’s pause, you started to laugh.  And he laughed, too.  You relaxed slightly and sat back on his thighs; he sat up and pulled you into a hug, kissing the side of your head while it was nearby.  The laughter died down, and the moment passed, and you let each other out of the embrace.  

“We should probably get back now,” he decided, and you nodded in agreement.

He took your hand and you ran together through the grass, back towards the sound of the backyard reception, back to the real world.

The whole crowd of guests stood out front and waved as Wayne and your mom drove away — for all the effort you put into getting a nice vintage Cadillac for the send-off, it looked pretty tacky with the streamers and cans tied to it, clanking as it drove down the cul-de-sac.

When they were out of sight, you and Eddie took one more deep breath before turning to the guests behind you.  “Thank you all so much for coming!” you announced.  

And that was basically what you did for the next fifteen minutes: shake a bunch of hands, wave goodbye, thank everyone for their attendance and gifts.  When they left, the rest of your work was only beginning, and it was nearly midnight!  Eddie offered to wash dishes and take out the trash while you took down decorations and paid the guys coming to take back the rented stereo equipment.

Thankfully, with the two of you, it went pretty quickly.  There was more to do, but it could wait until the morning; it’s not like having tables and chairs set up in your backyard overnight is a crime or something.

When you were done with your tasks, you leaned up against the entryway to the kitchen, finding Eddie drying the last plate.  He looked over his shoulder at you for a second, smiling, before drying his hands and setting it all down to face you:  his jacket was long gone and his bowtie hung untied loosely around an unbuttoned collar that exposed a hint of clavicle and chest hair.  

“So, house to ourselves,” he noticed, glancing around.  “We throwin’ a rager or what?”

You smiled softly, glancing down.  

He approached you slowly and carefully, reaching up to hold your shoulders when he was close enough.  Even now you felt a little shaky, a little nervous to be this close to him even when you’d already kissed, but his gentle smile soothed you; so you did it, you stood up a bit taller and kissed him.

It wasn’t as sudden as the last one, so it wasn’t as rushed, and yet there was a creeping sense of urgency to it because you both realized it could go somewhere— maybe it didn’t have to, but with an empty house and no time limit or deadline coming up, anything could happen tonight.

As you clutched his shirt and pulled him closer with an inhale through your nose, feeling his hands take your waist and press you to him, you realized that you wanted it to go somewhere.  Not just anywhere— you knew exactly where you wanted this to go.

“Bed,” you blurted out, pulling back to look up at him.  “We— we should go to bed.”

“Okay,” he agreed, sounding a little breathless, “top or bottom?”

You laughed as he started guiding you with him already.  “Mine, for sure,” you decided.

“Aw,” he pouted as you walked through the bedroom door, “I’ve been thinking about getting you in my bed for ages— not gonna let me have my fantasy, huh?”

As you fell back onto your bottom bunk, pulling him down with you, he got the angle wrong and smacked his forehead on the wood between the mattresses; you laughed, covering your mouth when you felt guilty for it, and he scrunched up his nose as he held his head for a second.  “That was my fantasy,” you joked, and he laughed in return as he ducked a little too dramatically now to join you in the bed.

The lower bunk could feel a bit like a cave sometimes, in a cozy sort of way— but with Eddie on top of you, it was like it was all closing in on you as his weight dipped you both deeper into the mattress than ever.  That probably sounds horribly claustrophobic, but it was actually nice.  You felt safe and shockingly not-vulnerable considering the circumstances, even as he started to unzip the back of your dress while he kissed you again.

For your part, you were absolutely flying through his shirt’s buttons, sighing when it was opened and you could run your hands over his warm skin beneath.  His tattoos looked better than ever peeking out from under a tuxedo shirt, though you only got a brief glimpse of him before his lips on your neck all but forced your head to tilt back.

“Sensitive,” he noticed with a whisper, but just one word said like that made you mewl and work harder to get his shirt off.  But before you could get it all the way over his shoulders, he managed to get your dress down enough to expose your chest— and he hungrily sucked on your breasts as soon as he could.

“Oh god,” you whined, hips rocking up into nothing.  

“Here too,” he laughed as he kissed from one to the other, looking up at you for a second.  “Are you always this… responsive?”

You almost laughed imagining that Eddie really thought Gary had ever gotten this kind of reaction out of you.  You bit your lip and shook your head, and a little snarl curled his lips as he growled at you.  

“Just for me, then?” he assumed, and you nodded.  “That’s so sexy— you’re so sexy…”

“You too,” you admitted as he suckled at your chest again.  “I-I thought about this.”

“Yeah?” he breathed.  “I thought about this, too— a lot.”

You smiled proudly, before he broke away and sat up slightly to tug your dress off down your legs.  He purred again as he admired you laying there beneath him, naked spare for your panties, but he surprised you by coming back down to kiss your stomach— not exactly where you expected him to start, but okay— and beginning to move lower and lower…

Oh, fuck.  He looked up at you as he kept making his way down, fingers tucking into your panties so he could slide them down your thighs.  

Even obviously knowing what was coming, you gasped loudly when his lips latched onto your pussy.  “F-fuck!” you choked as his tongue lapped at you eagerly, suction tugging on your clit until your insides throbbed helplessly.

He held onto your legs and pushed his face harder against you, sliding his tongue deeper inside you, shutting his eyes tight while he seemed to feed on your need until you had to grab on to the support beams on either side of your head.  You felt him smile down there— cocky little shit— and go even harder.

The pleasure was heavy on your gut, like a weight keeping you pinned down, even though you longed so much to rock up into it for more.  “I— oh my god…”

He moaned against you, the most perfect sound muffled by your body, his fingers digging a little harder into your soft skin.  He was ruthless, and when you were nearly screaming, he just took it as a sign to go harder on you— he chased your pleasure fast enough that he had it captured in just a few minutes.

“I— I’m— oh god, Eddie,” you whined.  “I’m… I’m so close…”

He nodded and hummed against you but refused to slow down for even a second, just shutting his eyes tighter as he focused all his strength into keeping your hips still so he had total control over the way his mouth took you apart piece by piece.

One of your hands shot down and took a tight hold on his hair, but his groan of pain actually sounded rather pleased.  “Don’t stop, don’t stop,” you begged, “oh my god—”

Your neck craned back and your spine arched so hard you lifted off the bed for a second, and he just opened his mouth wide and left his tongue stuck out so you could ride it shamelessly, the fireworks going off behind your eyelids as your orgasm shook your body.

You said his name a few more times, not really meaning to but needing to, and his heavy breaths fanned over your flushed skin.  

Only when you shakily sank back down into the bed, loosening your grip on his mane, did he break away and sit up to look down at you with a swallow and satisfied sigh.

“What’d you do that for?” you panted, unable to fight your own smile at the sight of his: wide and sparkling with slick that dripped down to his chin.

“‘Cause somebody oughta,” he explained, finally taking his shirt off all the way since you never actually got around to it.

“But I didn’t mean to come so fast…”

“It’s better this way— I already know I won’t be able to last long with you,” he admitted, leaning forward and capturing you in a messy kiss that tasted like— well, I bet you can guess what it tasted like.  Wedding cake, of course!

His breathing was heavy, too, as he tried to divide his mental energy between kissing you and unbuttoning his tuxedo pants; once that was done he pushed them down his thighs just enough that he could guide your hand to his aching cock, and you let out a long whimper of a breath as you wrapped your fingers around it.  God, it was literally hot, he must be burning up, and the drip of arousal running down made everything all smooth as you ran your fingers over the delicate skin.

“Put it in for me,” he instructed you under his breath, so as he lowered his hips down, you lifted your own a bit and guided him to your opening.  He gasped before he was even inside, just feeling your heat on the very tip of his cock; and as he delicately slid in, you groaned and dropped your head back.

A deep satisfaction filled you— literally— when his hips were flush with yours, full to the brim and gasping as he laid down on top of you.  

“So perfect,” he breathed as he brushed loose hair away from your face.  “I love you so much.”

You really didn’t wanna cry right now, it would be stupid, right?  It would be too weird.  You reached up and grabbed onto the back of his neck to make him kiss you again.  “I love you too,” you replied only when you were ready to say it without your voice breaking.

He started to move, careful and slow, and for some reason you just needed to say it again, mumbled into the kiss.

“I love you,” you repeated, reaching up to hold onto his back.  He nodded against you with a sigh of his own.

“I know,” he promised, “I know…”

And even if he knew, it just felt good to finally say it, and not even feel bad about it— not a drop of guilt or regret or self-consciousness.  That could wait for the morning.

Holding each other tightly, you found a steady pace— and then it was Eddie’s turn to hold onto one of the beams by your head as he buried his face in your neck.  “God,” he grunted, “so fuckin’ wet— you’re dripping for me, sweetheart…”

Whimpering, you let your nails dig into his back and your legs wrap around his hips.

“Fuck,” he moaned, kissing your neck hungrily.  The stretch inside you was pleasurable enough, but then with his lips and tongue and teeth on your pulse, a tingling feeling danced up your back and you nearly sobbed from how good it felt.  And then he let go of the beam to toy with your hard nipple, and you thought you might lose your cool again right away.  “Fuck!” he said again, louder, as he picked up his pace.  “Y-you squeezed me so tight, baby, did you feel that?  Oh my god…”

You hadn’t felt it, until he made you do it again, and you noticed that time with a wavering cry of his name.

“Promise me something,” he panted as he lifted his head to look down at our face.  “Never stop saying my name like that.”

He kissed you before you could properly agree to it, slipping his hands under your back the next time it arched so he could hug you tightly as he thrusted much, much faster.

“Fuck, m’gonna come,” he whimpered, “I’m sorry— I really wanted to last longer, but god, you’re so— you— fuck!”

“S’okay,” you insisted, “just come— oh my god, Eddie, I want you to come—”

“Baby, baby,” he whined pleadingly as his head fell onto your shoulder, “don’t say that, I don’t want it to end so soon…”

“It doesn’t matter,” you promised, “just come, please, inside me—”

“Christ,” he blurted out, taking a tight hold of your hips and tossing his head back as his movements became a blur against your numbing, sticky walls.  “I— fuck, you’re sure I don’t have to pull out?”

You nodded as you gripped his arms.  “I’m sure, please please Eddie—!”

He gasped loudly and gave you an extra sudden, sharp thrust— and you started to feel it, his cock flexing in you, his heat flooding you, both of you panting as you started to still.

A long sigh accompanied his collapsing onto you, catching his breath between kisses all along your neck and face.

“I really, really tried not to come that fast,” he laughed breathlessly, and you just hugged onto his torso tighter.

“So did I,” you promised.  “I-it’s fine, really… I’m definitely satisfied, I mean, fuck— that was… fuck.”

“Yeah…” he agreed.

And you both fell asleep in seconds.  Because it was nearly two in the morning and you’d been working on the wedding shit all day and it was actually kind of a miracle you stayed awake long enough to do that in the first place!

You woke up hours later, the only light in the room just slivers of moonlight leaking through the window; he was behind you, holding you close, breathing on the back of your neck.  You held on tighter to the arm in front of your chest, leaning your head back into his chest, not expecting him to stir and sleepily plant a kiss on your head.

“Are you awake?” you whispered so softly there was any noise, but he nodded.

“Barely,” he admitted.  “You’re so warm…”

He hugged you tighter, then kissed you again— then lifted his head to kiss under your ear, by your jaw, just over your pulse…

You didn’t even mean to grind your ass into him, it was just that what he was doing made your back arch.  “Sweetheart,” he breathed, and that made you even hotter.  “I need you again.”

It was so easy to slide right in, your body still leaking his come from before, but even without that he could get you wet in seconds; you moaned lowly and tried to arch your back deeper to angle his cock just how you thought you wanted— but he grunted and pulled your back into his chest, wanting to feel as much of you as he could.  It made the angle of his thrusts a bit less natural and yet it forced him to rub right against your spot, and you shut your sleepy eyes tighter at the feeling.  “Fuck— like that, Eddie, just like that…”

He nodded in agreement and turned his gentle pecks on your shoulder into a full-on assault of tongue on anything he could reach, getting more desperate for you by the second.

That one lasted much longer— maybe hours, you were totally unable to keep track of time, but at some point he rolled you onto your stomach and rutted on top of you slowly.  He never had to pick up his pace to send you right into your first orgasm… or the second.

“Oh my god,” you sighed, “I’ll come again, oh fuck—”

“Good,” he praised roughly right into your ear, voice gravelly from sleep, “good— keep coming.  Don’t ever stop coming for me, baby, I love feeling it… I love hearing you, sound so fuckin’ pretty, sweetheart.”

You whined and bit your lip, reaching up to grab a handful of your pillow— but his hand reached over yours and interlaced his thick fingers with your shaking ones, soothing kisses trailing the side of your face as you sobbed softly.  He kept praising you and you, following instructions, kept coming until it wasn’t really a matter of counting them anymore— it was just this never-ending feeling that swallowed you whole, which would be scary if you were alone.  But he was right there with you, promising he’d never let you again.

It ended as gradually and softly as it started, and he hugged you into him for you to fall asleep again much more easily than you’d think after a wake-up like that.  When you awoke for good, the sun was high in the sky.  You couldn’t see the clock, because you were too busy looking up at his sleeping face, but you guessed it was at least nine or ten.  It was the latest you’d slept in years.

You didn’t want to wake him up, but staring at him and playing with his hair didn’t satisfy you forever, so you started to plant tiny kisses on his chest, and that stirred him from sleep with a happy groan.

“Hey,” he greeted, and you weren’t ready to see his eyes again, in the light of the day, knowing how easily you’d given in to him after trying to resist for so many reasons for so long.  You weren’t ready to wonder if this was just getting out some pent-up energy before parting for as long as you needed to be regular step-siblings. 

You just shut your eyes and laid your head on his bicep as he sat up on his side to look at you.

“Sleep okay?” he asked, and you snorted.  

“I mean, I slept great,” you smiled, “when I was sleeping.”

“Me too,” he agreed as he kissed your cheek.  “Open your eyes, baby, I wanna see you.”

“Mmm…” you groaned in protest, burying your face in the pillow when he tried to hold it. 

“C’mon,” he whined, “I miss you.”

“I’m right here!” you promised, but you gave in and let him turn your face towards him as your eyes blinked open.  You were right— you weren’t ready.  The way he was looking at you was impossible to ever move on from, and you’d never be able to do it if he asked you to.

“So, are we—?” he started.

“Don’t,” you said quickly, reaching up to lay a hand on his chest.  “Don’t ask me what we are, okay?  ‘Cause I don’t even know.”

“I… was just gonna ask if we were gonna go out for breakfast or cook ourselves,” he explained, and you felt a heat on your face in embarrassment.  “I kinda worked up an appetite there, believe it or not.”

“Oh,” you sighed, “um, I can cook something.”

You made a move to get up and he pulled you back down.  “N-no, wait,” he frowned.

“I thought you were hungry,” you noticed.

“Yeah… but I don’t want you to go,” he sighed, keeping you close.  There was a brief pause as you laughed softly, his arm wrapping around you.  “And also I wanna talk about that thing you don’t wanna talk about.”

“Ugh, Eddie,” you groaned, “can’t it wait a little longer?”

“Sure, but can I at least ask you to be my girlfriend first?” he requested.

“You know I can’t,” you sighed, “I’m already your stepsister.”

“See, here’s the thing— I was thinking about that earlier,” he explained, “and what I realized is that… I don’t actually… care, so—”

“What if I care?” you wondered.

“You can’t exactly make that argument when you’re naked in bed with me,” he noticed.

“Well, maybe it was—”

“Don’t tell me it was a mistake,” he interrupted firmly.  “You’re not much of a liar— I was there, sweetheart, we both know that was the farthest thing from a mistake.  All the time we spent not doing that was the mistake!”

You smiled, because you couldn’t deny that.  Misguided?  Sure.  Poorly timed?  Definitely.  But nothing truly wrong could feel that right.

“We don’t have to call it, you know, that,” he offered, “boyfriend and girlfriend— if you don’t want to.  As long as we’re together, it’ll be fine.”

“But people can’t know we’re together,” you insisted, “least of all Mom and Wayne.”

He nodded.  “Okay.”

“What are we gonna do when they get back?” you wondered.

“Guess I’m gonna have to go—” he reached up and knocked his fist on the slats above you— “back upstairs.”

“I’ll miss you,” you whined, cuddling harder into him.

“Okay, I’ll come down after they go to sleep,” he decided, hugging you tighter as well.

You spent the rest of your week alone together for the honeymoon very… similarly to a honeymoon, actually.  Damn near every room in the house was defiled and you were so exhausted you ended up calling in sick to work most days.  It was well worth it, obviously; Eddie had so much energy and lost time to make up for, meanwhile you were just happy to let him shower you in affection and bring you in an hour more pleasure than you’d had in the rest of your life combined.

“God, I can’t, I really really can’t,” he insisted as your lips latched onto his neck and your hips grinded in his lap. 

“You said that last time,” you remembered.

“I know, but now I mean it!” he sighed, dropping his head onto the back of the couch.  “What are you doin’ to me, woman?  Trying to kill me?”

“Maybe,” you giggled, licking his neck and purring as you felt the muscles in it shift under your tongue.  “Isn’t this how you always wanted to die?”

“Yeah,” he admitted, “but I can’t croak so soon— you’d miss me too much.”

For all his insistence that he couldn’t go again, that ten times in four days was too much, he was guiding your movements in his lap hardly ten minutes later, watching with heavy eyes as you sank down onto his cock over and over.

“Fuck, so pretty,” he breathed, biting his lip while he drank in the sight.  Thick hands ran up your thighs as you bounced on him, slipping around to grab palmfuls of your ass while you rode, and you moaned happily.

It’s easy to guess that you got a bit spoiled by that week.  Eddie had you addicted to him in moments and kept you around his finger (sometimes literally) so easily.  As such, it made you dread even more each day that you got closer and closer to the return of the newlyweds.  You couldn’t even imagine going back to normal after this— and what even was ‘normal’ before?  You never really had one.

Even if it was just a matter of keeping it a secret, you knew it wouldn’t be easy.  Maybe if it had been easier, the plan would’ve lasted a bit longer.

They returned from their trip on a Wednesday afternoon, and you all sat at the table together to talk about how much fun they had and all the fishing and hiking and relaxing they did.  It was good to see them again, but even just sitting across the table from Eddie felt odd.  Even just being apart that night while you and your mom went out for dinner alone felt odd.  Even just sleeping in separate bunks, after you chickened out on sharing from the fear that someone would burst in and see your cuddling, felt odd.

Eddie got up first, but he went to the bathroom to shower and shave before you got up so you couldn’t even try to sneak in a quick good morning kiss.  Instead, you started preparing breakfast in the kitchen, taking a break to brush your teeth when the bathroom was free and he was watching TV.  Other than offering to make him a piece of toast, you didn’t say much, mainly because you were still kind of waking up.

While you were finishing breakfast preparations you heard Eddie come into the kitchen and step up behind you, but you didn’t say anything, and neither did he for a second— not until he was standing just a bit too close.

“This is way too hard,” he whispered.

“Hm?” you wondered, shivering when his lips gently brushed against your neck in the next moment.  “E-Eddie, we can’t—”

“I know,” he agreed under his breath, “that’s what’s so hard.  Not being able to touch you, or kiss you, or…”

You were trying to resist, really, but his fingers were just barely tickling your sides through your shirt while his tongue teased your ear and it made your knees a little weak.  Okay, a lot weak; you just had to let him spin you around so he could kiss you on the mouth, hard and needy.  

You were so caught up by it that you didn’t hear the sound of movement on the other side of the wall.  You just reached up to wrap your arms together on top of his shoulders and let him deepen it, tilting your head a bit as you fought back a moan.  

He started to guide you back, and you barely questioned it, and the two of you all but fell into the dining room, nearly colliding the table; and it was a good thing you didn’t, since that would’ve put Wayne’s coffee at risk of falling off the table— he, by the way, was sitting at the table next to your mom, something neither of you had taken the time to notice, until the man gruffly cleared his throat to get your attention.

You pulled away from each other with a gasp; Eddie coughed lightly while you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, wide-eyed as you took in the way the two of them were staring at you from their seats at the table.

“Good morning,” Wayne finally offered, and Eddie nodded with a nervous laugh as you tried to decide where to start.

“S-sorry,” you decided to say first, “we were— it’s not— he was just—”

He was just what, helping me decide if I should get a new flavor of toothpaste?  He was just saying ‘good morning’ the European way?  He was just helping me butter my toast?  Oh god, that sounds even worse…

“Oh, you don’t need to act so shy about it,” your mom promised with a tilt of her head, which made you switch from shock to bewilderment.  “I actually always thought it was strange you never kissed in front of us before now!”

Eddie raised one of his eyebrows as he looked at her in confusion.  “Um… well, we never kissed at all before— before, you know, a couple days ago…”

“Wait, really?” she laughed.  “That’s a little odd— being involved all this time and waiting so long to kiss?”

You blinked, choking as you tried to reply to that.  “We— we weren’t involved!  Until now!”

Wayne tried to cover his smile with his hand, but it couldn’t hide his laugh.  Your mom looked at him and then back at you.  “What?!” she yelped.  “Wayne and I— we were so sure you two were—!”

“No!” you blurted out.  “We weren’t… why would you think that?”

“Because it was obvious,” Wayne explained flatly.  “We’re old, not stupid.”

“You were so clearly interested in each other!” she went on.  “We figured you’d started dating and just didn’t tell us because— well, you didn’t need to!  You really weren’t?”

“Of course not!” you insisted.  “Mom, we’re— you know… related!  Kind of.  That doesn’t bother you?”

“It didn’t seem to bother either of you,” she noticed.  “But, you’re both adults, you can do what you like.  You were classmates long before Wayne and I ever met.  People marry their high school sweethearts all the time.”

“O-okay, to be clear,” you stammered, “we went to high school together— but we were not sweethearts.”

Eddie gave you a look, crossing his arms as if he was amused by all this, and you shook your head.

“But— okay, well, thank you, I guess, for your… blessing,” you decided.  “And we’ll… try not to kiss in the kitchen too often.”

That night, after saying goodnight to Mom and Wayne, Eddie followed you into your bedroom and shut the door behind you.  He sat next to you on your bed, even though you kind of expected him to climb up to his own— but you didn’t have any complaints when he pulled you into a kiss that built quickly in intensity.

You brushed your fingers through his hair (as best you could with how tangled it was) and hummed as he gently held your waist, but when you were afraid you wouldn’t be able to control yourself if it went on much longer, you had to cut it short.

“Wait,” you gasped, pushing him back gently until he stopped and looked at you with big, wide eyes.  “We can’t…”

“Why not?” he wondered.

“Because…” you trailed off, finishing your sentence by pointing in the other direction.

“Because…” he repeated, squinting his eyes as he looked where you were pointing.  “Because, the wall?  Aw, babe, I know I get a little carried away but I don’t think the walls are gonna collapse.”

“No, the other side of the wall,” you sighed.

“The bathroom?”

“The other side of that.”

“...the water heater?”

“Eddie!” you whined.  “The other side of that!” 

“The master bedroom, final answer,” he nodded.  “What— Mr. and Mrs. Munson?  What about ‘em?”

“Um, their… presence?” you clarified, not sure what he wasn’t getting.

“If they know we’re together then we don’t have to hide it,” he pointed out.

“That doesn’t mean I wanna fuck with them in the house,” you returned with a frown.

“I’m sure they’ll understand,” he smirked, “you know— if the bunk bed’s a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’ or something like that.”

“That’s… not a saying.”

“Okay, but, close enough,” he pouted.

“Still not having sex with you while our parents are home,” you insisted.  He didn’t seem too disappointed, though— actually, a mischievous smile grew on his face as he looked at you.

“I noticed something,” he informed you.  You raised your eyebrows and waited.  “Your mom said people marry their high school sweethearts all the time.  You said we weren’t sweethearts.”

“Yeah,” you agreed.

“But you didn’t tell her we weren’t getting married.”

Your eyes went wide and you bit your lip; he looked way too fucking proud of himself as he leaned in closer and poked you teasingly in the stomach with his fingers.  You tried to lean away or cover yourself with crossed arms but it wasn’t working, and neither were your attempts to stifle your laughter.

“You’re soooo into me,” he noticed in a playfully mocking voice.  “You wanna get maaarriiieeeddd—”

“N-no, I don’t,” you denied with an eye roll, “I— I just didn’t notice she said that.”

“You wanna have my baaaabbiiieeesss,” he continued anyways, and you nearly choked on your own throat.

“E-Ed, we’re too young for any of that right now,” you insisted.

“Okay,” he nodded, pausing for a second.  “How about now?”

You snorted, shaking your head at your own amusement with such a stupid joke.  “No, I mean, like, the future.”

“Future,” he affirmed, “as in, tomorrow?”

“No!” you groaned.  “Like, someday!”

“Sunday?”

You whined and dropped your head on Eddie’s shoulder in defeat, making him laugh and reach up to rub your back.  “You’re horrible,” you mumbled.

“Mhm,” he agreed as he softly kissed the top of your head.  “Just promise me something?”

You lifted your head to rest your chin on his shoulder so he could see your face; he reached up and held it gently, caressing the height of your cheek with his thumb.

“You tell me when it’s ‘someday’, okay?” he asked softly.  “I don’t care if it’s ten days from now or ten years.  You just say the word, and we’ll do all that boring grown up stuff we’re not old enough for yet.  Deal?”

You smiled and nodded.  “Okay.”

He hummed and kissed the tip of your nose before gently capturing your lips again, holding your chin between his thumb and forefinger.  “Oh,” he said suddenly as he pulled back, “by the way— you can keep my ring you took.”

“I… thought you forgot about that,” you admitted sheepishly, and he grinned, shaking his head.

“Of course not,” he cooed, “but it’s better that you have it, since you wanna be the next Mrs. Munson so bad.”

“I don’t—!” you began to disagree, but he cut you off with another kiss.

Someday came January 19th, 1988.  It was a quiet day, but otherwise typical for life in your little rental place up in North Hawkins by the lake, which was usually filled with Eddie's raucous practicing on the Warlock alongside the hand-me-down furniture and framed (award-winning) photos on the wall.

Nothing specific made you realize it— he was just laying back on the couch and fiddling around on his acoustic (specifically his new acoustic you'd gotten him for his most recent birthday) while you arranged and rearranged the magazine spread due in a few days— but you just… knew that it was time.

“Wanna get married?” you blurted out, and he looked at you with a tinge of shock on his face before he smiled.

“You know I do,” he grinned.  “Hop in the van, we’ll go to the courthouse—”

You interrupted him with a laugh as he was sitting up and setting his guitar aside.  “I figured we would just start, like, planning it…”

He groaned disappointedly as he flopped back onto the couch.  “You make me wait this long and then you say we have to wait more?”

“You don’t want a wedding?!” you scoffed.

“I do, but I’d rather get married now and just do the wedding whenever we have the time,” he explained.  “Doesn’t it sound fun?”

You smirked.  “Well, I figured once we were married you’d want kids right away.  And I’m not interested in a maternity-bridal gown.”

“Y’sure?  I think you’d be real cute like that,” he cooed.

"I think you should keep dreamin', pretty boy," you winked in return.  

He hopped up off the couch and crossed the room to kiss you suddenly— holding your face in his hands, keeping you close, saying so much with no words at all.  You fell into it so quickly that you were the one leaning forward for more when he pulled back.  He smirked at you proudly; "So, courthouse?"

You sighed.  "How come you always get your way with me?  Why is that?"

"'Cause you're just so wildly, stupidly, counter-intuitively in love with me," he answered confidently.

"Oh, right," you smiled.  "I almost forgot."

Eddie cleared his throat as he stood before all your family and friends— Jonathan, the Hellfire club, your coworkers and colleagues, your mom and stepdad, and even Eddie's father who had been granted furlough so he could attend. A small gathering, but still a crowd.  You could tell he was nervous; you were, too, of course, and you looked down at your white dress and your hands holding his to try to remind yourself that this was real.

"Well, um, hi," he addressed them before he began the vows he'd written and rehearsed a thousand times for today.  "Bet you never thought you'd see me in a suit, right?" 

THE END

[zorasthoughts]

BRIDGERTON SEASON THREE TRAILER!!!!

all my thoughts below :) (also, i haven't read any of the books apart from an offer from a gentleman so i'm going in blind)

"we have been apart for far too long" - yeah we have! didn't realise how much i'd been missing the julie andrews voiceovers

kate and anthony!! - look at them being all happy and in love

eloise and cressida, interesting - i'm pretty sure el is doing this just to spite penelope, but i wonder what we'll see them talk about in these scenes

can we get a "hell yeah!" for pen being done with her family and deciding to actually do something about it? girlie is entering her main character era

colin arriving back and his family being shocked at his rizz and his new look is fun. i feel like compared to daphne, who was the eldest daughter and was the diamond of her season, and anthony who is the head of the family, and was a big catch, colin is just some guy. i like the idea of him also getting into his main character era

also, important psa for anyone who missed it: kate and anthony were holding hands!!! (it's not a massive deal in the grand scheme of things, i just love their casual intimacy and affection during a time when people were more reserved)

lmao, colin getting changed in the carriage on his way to court with the others is so chaotic

and before the scene cuts away, we can see anthony and benedict laughing, so i hope we get more fun teasing among the bridgerton brothers this season. i think compared to last season, which was quite angsty, this season will be lighter in general

a deal to help a girl find a husband because you are friendly/acquinted with her will definitely work. just look at how it went for daphne and simon!!

hehehe, penelope trying to flirt is so funny. nicola coughlan is great at comedy, just look at derry girls. i felt like i could see clare coming out in this scene

"she's not seeking a husband in YOU i hope" and "since when are you worried about penelope?" - yeah, eloise misses her friend. i'd reckon much of el's arc this season is going to be her working through her feelings from that final scene with her and pen in 2x08

penelope debuting her new look is iconic. and so pretty!!! i love that even cressida's jaw was dropping, and the way everyone was turning to look at her. someone in the comments section on youtube said it was similar when daphne shows up at the ball to get the prince's attention, and i love that pen gets to have a moment like that

what makes me sad though is that this is the ball we saw in the clip released last month where everyone was (rightly) losing their minds over kanthony (myself included) while pen was just standing in the corner having no-one pay attention to her

the violins are giving angst

also, it seems interesting that lady danbury seems to be giving pen some advice. i don't think the two have ever interacted in the show, but maybe after lady danbury sees pen's new look and that she is looking to bag a husband, she decides to take pen under her wing?

portia being happy for pen is honestly cute. my guess is in this scene that that guy had asked portia for her blessing to propose to pen and that's why portia is so excited. i'm interested to see what their relationship will be like this season, both are quite complex characters, with a complicated relationship

violet giving colin advice is nice, and i like them discussing friendship as being a key part, and maybe even the most important thing for a romantic relationship. in season one, she did tell daphne to "simply marry the person who feels like your dearest friend" so i think that a similar conversation could be the start of colin realising his feelings for penelope have crossed from the territory of platonic to romantic

the costume design this season is really good, because penelope starts off with the very bright and gaudy featherington shades, then starts dressing in greens that are either a dark emerald shades, or a softer mint colour, but that then shifts to a pale teal, and then pale blues, and lilacs, signalling her journey towards becoming a bridgerton

okay, the overhead shot around 2 minutes 8 seconds in the trailer? that's kate and anthony, right? very curious about this scene

francesca!! not said anything about her yet, but i'm curious about what she'll be getting up to this season

violet having a potential love interest makes me happy, but i hope they would commit to it. i found her storyline in the queen charlotte show to be pretty compelling, and she deserves a chance to find love again

kate and anthony dancing!! obviously we saw some of the dance in the clip that has already been released, but it looks as though we're going to see a full dance scene between them, and it's going to be everything (to me, at least)

that final part of the trailer with colin and penelope? it's so tense and emotional!! i wonder if this could be something to do with whistledown? has colin figured it out?

[taiyeoki]

Kashimo Headcanons

↳ Husband!Kashimo x Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Pregnancy

Synopsis: Kashimo being a man being from the Edo period doesn't change the fact that he's a loving husband and a soon to be father for y/n and their upcoming child.

A/N: I am so madly in love with him that I had to make a whole Tumblr account just to put this out there. This is a new account but I've been using Tumblr for years so I know how things work 💀 Except I use chrome so I never had an account. This is just for a personal idea but anyone's free to read! This one doesn't have any smut so it's just a wholesome thing but I'd like to put a warning anyway.

Husband!Kashimo who couldn't believe what he had heard when you announced that you were pregnant. You were sure he'd gone deaf when he needed you to repeat it like four times.

Husband!Kashimo opens the present you gave him. Inside was an adorable baby outfit with a little lightning crochet on the chest. "What's this for?" Instead, you just stared at him with excitement as if you were about to explode into a firework of happiness. With no reply from you, he decided to look back down into the gift box then noticed the pregnancy test with two pink lines on it next to the clothing. Immediately he looked back up at you and you announce, "Hajime guess what?! I'm pregnant!! Uh... Hajime?" He gave no response. He looked so dumbfounded and shocked at the same time you had to take a picture of his reaction.

Husband!Kashimo who finally registers the news and immediately his expression changes to one of absolute happiness. You swear you've never seen him express this much emotion before considering he usually kept an unamused or an angry resting face. His smile is so genuine, smiling ear to ear as he's about to burst into disbelief.

"I'm gonna be a dad?! Are you serious?! It took me 400 years just for this moment!"

Husband!Kashimo immediately tackles you into a hug, both of you laughing in excitement from the news. He snakes his arms around your waist as he nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck. Despite having large hands he uses for fights, they're actually pretty soft and gentle as he brings his hand around your belly and caresses it.

"Y/n," he murmurs softly, "love you so much..."

It took forever for him to let go. It's as if you would disappear if he lets go of the hug. You better believe he's gonna watch over you 24/7.

Husband!Kashimo refuses to let you out of his sight. You knew he was protective but now that you were pregnant he'd grown even more protective over you than he already was. You try to reassure him, "Hajime I'm fine! I'm just going to the bathroom okay?" But he just finds reasons to stay with you. "But what if you get your morning sickness again? At least let me accompany you in case anything happens." Or he pulls the "there are curses everywhere" card on you to let him watch over you.

You couldn't deny his requests of staying with you especially after he gave the softest look. Wrapping his muscular arms around you in a loving hug, he nuzzles close into you making sure to warm you up. Eventually you gave in...

Husband!Kashimo feels bad whenever you actually do get the morning sickness. He tries his best to find comfort in anything at all just for your sake. "Y/n are you okay? How are you feeling now? Do you want some tea?" At first he's too old to understand which medicine he should give you. After all, modern medicine never existed back in the 1600. Instead, he tried to soothe you with tea, herbal soups and warm bathes. Eventually though he does manage to understand what medication you should take and provides you with them but he still prefers it the old fashion way.

Husband!Kashimo dotes on you all the time. He makes sure you're always healthy and happy and whenever you're not, he'd be worried sick. "What's wrong? Are you feeling sick again? Hey how about I buy you some snacks okay. What are you craving for?" Eventually though you actually do cheer up with how much he keeps spoiling you.

Husband!Kashimo is constantly asking you questions to check in on you, making sure you feel loved and appreciated all the time. "Are you hungry?", "What do you wanna eat?", "do you wanna go out? The sunshine will do you good." "Do you want me to make you some tea?"

Husband!Kashimo refuses to let you get hungry or dehydrated. He makes sure to have you well fed everytime. The food he'd prepare are nutritious and healthy with all the right amounts of everything your body needs. Not too much and not too little. Grabbing a cup of water, he hands it to you, "y/n you need to drink lots. I don't want you or the baby getting sick because you aren't eating or drinking well. You both need all the nutrients and vitamins you can get." If you're planning to diet, be prepared for him to scold you.

"Are you crazy?! Dieting during your pregnancy?! You know what- c'mere. You need to eat now."

Believe it or not, despite being a traditional man from the 1600 Edo period he actually knows how to cook. Husband!Kashimo makes the most comforting food you've ever tasted. Although his cooking style is different, it's because of that which makes his food taste uniquely great. It has a delicious smokey aroma to it. At first he wasn't used to the stove and oven so he'd just cook by the log and fire. He started learning how to operate the stove though because you laughed at him for cooking like a caveman squatting down next to the fire like that.

"Pfft Hajime! You don't know how to use the stove?!" He gives you an unamused pout which you honestly found adorable so you decided to teach him how to cook from the stove. Almost immediately he seemed even better than you do in cooking which has his smug face putting you in shame. He's the one laughing at you now because you forgot you were cooking and burnt the food.

"SHIT," you came back panicking from the smell of smoke coming from the kitchen to see him giving you an unimpressed look as if he's about to lecture you. He already had the kitchen under control the moment you arrive. Giving him a sheepish smile, Kashimo doesn't want you near the fire until the baby is out. "Y/n, I'll do all the cooking now. I don't want you burning anything again. What if you get hurt? Right, that goes for the knives too. Let me do all the work."

Husband!Kashimo reassures you everyday that he loves you. It doesn't matter how you look, whether you get stretch marks or leaking breasts. "Y/n, trust me when I say this. In 400 years of my life you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." He caresses your growing belly, keeping you in a warm hug as he nuzzles into you and takes in your scent which he always found to be soothing.

"Nothing you do is embarrassing. I love every single part of you. These stretch marks are a reminder of my love for you; our child. I'm happy to know that you're the one carrying my child."

Husband!Kashimo prefers for you to give birth at home because he thinks it's safer there rather than the hospital. He makes sure to hire the best OBGYN, doctors and midwives to check up on you. He looks at you with genuine care and concern, "Y/n the hospital is full of curses. I don't want you getting into any trouble there. What if our baby gets hurt from them?"

Husband!Kashimo instantly gets alert, sitting straight up and checking on you when you told him your water broke in the middle of the night while you two slept in each other's arms.

"Shit- Hajime wake up! My water broke!"

Good thing he hired the midwives. They were already prepared in advance knowing you were going to give birth soon so neither of you needed to panic into the hospital especially since he couldn't drive. He does try to get a license just for you though so he could help with transportation. Hakari helped Kashimo out too, not trusting him to be completely sane with a car and a driving instructor he might end up beating.

Husband!Kashimo is worried sick and upset that he can't do anything to stop the labour pain. The most he could do now is to try and relieve your pain and stress. Giving you a warm towel, a heating pad, making you some soothing tea, anything at all. It still hurts him though to see you like this.

Husband!Kashimo holds you close to him the moment your delivery is about to arrive. If he's being honest here, he's actually quite scared for you, afraid that anything might go wrong. He stays by your side the entire process, reassuring and motivating you.

"Keep pushing y/n, you're almost there."

"You're doing so well!"

"I'm proud of you and our son/daughter"

Husband!Kashimo lets you use him as a stress reliever. Crushing his arm and hands, he didn't expect you to have this much strength. He tries to calm you down, caressing you reassuringly or wiping sweat off.

The moment your childbirth finally ended, both of you are so happy and exhausted. Husband!Kashimo praises you for doing so good and being so strong. He caresses you, keeping you in a hug wrapped in his loving arms as you feel his tense muscles calm down. For a moment you even forgot about the delivery pain as you got distracted by his muscular body. His large veiny hands pull you close into the crook of his neck all snug, "Hah.. I think you broke my bones."

Well your crushing grip didn't break his bones but he definitely woke up with a bruise the next day.

Husband!Kashimo showers you and your son/daughter with so much love and attention. If he wasn't protective enough before, he definitely was now. In fact he'd be considered as overprotective at this point.

Husband!Kashimo doesn't hire anyone to do the confinement for you. Instead he does it himself, making sure to get you the best natural ingredients. He uses the freshest meat, the highest quality herbs and the finest tea. Surprisingly this ancient man knows a lot about women's healthcare, their pregnancy and confinement. Although he uses the 1600 Edo style rather than the modern one but it gives a unique treatment.

Husband!Kashimo gives you a baby shower consisting of practically everyone you knew from Jujutsu High. Gojo, Nanami, Shoko, Hakari, Kirara, and even the first and second years were there. He's not too fond of people and neither does he really call them friends but he does it just for you. Also he wants to show off his brand new family. It was a sweet heartfelt action which has you falling head over heels for him all over again.

Husband!Kashimo makes sure you get all the rest you need. He knows parenting isn't easy especially for the person who gave birth. Anytime you looked tired to him at all, he'll jump in and tell you he'll watch over your son/daughter even though he was already by your side to take care of the baby. Luckily this man has insane stamina, speed and efficiency to be keeping up with the baby's needs although he does tire out.

Husband!Kashimo showers you both with all his love and attention to the point he forgets he was looking for Sukuna. For a moment he even stops fighting just to take care of you both and make time for his family. The man is a fighter but he knows his priorities. Plus he'd rather leave his family out of his fighting business or he'll never forgive himself if anything were to happen to either you or your son/daughter.

Hugging you close and the baby safely on his lap between you two, Kashimo gives your son/daughter a sweet peck on their forehead as they fall asleep. He then leans in close to you and goes in for a kiss. His gentle, soft and warm lips intertwine with your own as you both share a loving, passionate kiss. Pulling away, he brings you closer to him and you rest your head on his chest. Sighing, he asks just in case, "is anything wrong?"

"Nah. I'm just happy that's all," you reply with an angelic smile looking up at him. His gentle expression smiling down at you with all the love in the world as you bring your hand up to caress his soft cheeks and the lightning marks under his eye which you always found beautiful. He leans into your loving touch, closing his eyes momentarily. Slight sparks of electricity sounded and you know it was a clear indicator of how happy he is right now. Being attached to you and your baby, you could see electricity go from one bun to the other in a mesmerizing pattern.

"Waiting 400 years for this was totally worth it."

Overall husband!Kashimo is a very protective father and husband to you and your baby. He'll do anything it takes to keep you both safe, happy and healthy. If anyone were to even lay a finger on the wife and son/daughter of Edo period's strongest sorcerer, you better believe they won't even get a chance to see their life flash before their eyes with Kashimo's lightning speed ending everything in an instant.

[thenewausten]

Dating a law student hc’s! 🤭

Thanks for the request!

Dating Quackity as a law student HC's!

First at all, he'd be so serious sometimes 😭 In my head he has a lawyer personality- I think he'd be very serious when he's studying because the boy needs a lot of concentration, but as soon as he finishes he comes back with his true personality.

Being bored when he's studying means going to his office to bother him, but he'd always put order on the situation. "Babyyy." You say as soon as you open the door. "Hey, what's up?" He asks you when you approach his chair. "I'm bored." He smiles to you. "I'll study for more thirty minutes, hermosa." He says. "But..." Alex looks at you. "Please, Y/N, I really can't right now, okay?" You nod, with a sad grimace on your face. "Okay, 'Lexie." You start to get away, but the boy grabs your hand and kisses it. You smile at him and then leaves.

But, imagine 'helpin him to study??? "Do you want some help to study, baby?" You ask him. "Sure." He says and you sit next to him. "Every time you answer correctly I'll give you a kiss." You say and he laughs. "That's the best motivation to answer correctly, actually."

He'd answer all the questions correctly and it would lead to a make out session 😭😭

Every time he wears a suit you almost die because he's too hot on suits!!! "Do I look good, Y/N?!" He asks. "You look so hot, Alex." You say as you approach him, your hands on his chest as you kiss his lips, pushing him to your bed. "Calm down, amor. I need to go to the court." He says as he sits on the bed. "You still have time, 'Lex." The boy holds your waist with a smirk on his face. "I don't have, I need to..." You kiss Alex again and sit on his lap. "Y/N, amor..." He says and you look at him. "I promise you when I arrive I'm all yours, okay?!" He says and you nod, kissing your man one last time. "I'll wait for you." You say and he nods, a smile on his face as he hugs you. "I know, my love."

As soon as Quackity arrives your guys apartment you attack him with kisses and hugs <3

He's very great at debates, but when it comes to arguing with you, he doesn't even try to. He knows when you're right, so he just apologises to you.

Imagine if he's too stressed??? Giving him a back massage so he can relax!!@@@ It'd probably lead to sex, tbh 🤭

You'd prank him saying you punched someone in the face and that person wants to sue you. "You did WHAT????" He asks, so shocked with what you just said. "He was bothering me, Alex!" You say and he gets up. "It's okay. You were defending yourself, amor." He says, still shocked. "Did he hurt you?!" The boy checks your body. "No, but I broke his nose." You say. "Y/N, oh my God. I mean, nice, but..." You laugh. "What did he do to you?" He asks. "Uh, he said I was hot." You say. "Someone saw it?" You nod. "Yes, three people saw it." You answer the boy, wanting to laugh. "I'm going to call my professor to see if..." You take the phone of his hand as soon as he grabs you. "What's wrong?!"

"I'm kidding, Alex. I didn't punch anyone." You say with a smile on your face, the boy looks at you, so confused It's cute. "But..." He starts. "I wanted to see your reaction, honey. I'm sorryyy." You say and he rolls his eyes. "I can't believe in you, Y/N." You laugh and kiss his lips. "Would you defend me on the court, 'Lex?!"

"Of course, amor. I'd defend you in everywhere." He answers and holds your waist. "Aw, so cute. Even if I had killed someone?!"

"Uhh, creepy." He whispers and laughs. "Yeah, even if you had killed someone. But please, don't do it." You laugh and nod, your hands on his neck as you give him a peck on the lips.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy the writing! :)

Requests are open!

[fatuismooches]

greetings!!! this is the first time i've ever shared my idea to anyone, kind of worry but guess that i have to share it with you because your writings are so good and i love how you execute scenarios and ideas (literally awake all night scrolling through your brainrot 😭😭😭😭)

let me tell you that fragile!reader and dottore is what keeps me awake at night i love them so much, i literally read everything in the tags, the fluff and angst is SOO GOOD NGL.

so, angst/ no comfort (because i love tormenting myself (⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆), fragile!reader and terminal lucidity - somebody suddenly became lively and conscious before their deaths. i see that you have written about fragile!reader whose memories are slowly deteriorating or slowly losing their eyesight. imagine one day, everything just come back...normal, the sudden recollection of memories, vision returned miraculously, no pain, no suffering, as if they were back to the days at Akademiya. they became gleeful, happy, full of live, no longer the gloomy, sick-ridden individual.

Dottore, of course, was surprised at this phenomenal, run more tests and check-ups just to be sure that we are actually healthy because there is no way we actually turn healthy after being sick in centuries. the segments however, especially Zandy, didn't think much about the whole ordeal. you are fine!! you can finally walking and running freely without being on life-support. your turn in health manage to turned them into a bunch of joyful, blue-haired maniacs with giddy, happy smiles on their lips.

we are fine for a few weeks, which also make Dottore himself believe that maybe, maybe his efforts have paid off, maybe our health have been stable, and maybe from now on, he could spend the rest of eternity with his beloved.

then we die (this is so mean i'm so sorry 😭😭😭😭😭). how they perish is completely up you but i'd preferably that they die in their sleep, a peaceful death. Dottore and the segments are... well, shocked is an understatement, their whole world have...gone, they'd question themself: how can this happen? you were fine in the past few weeks? In which Dottore blame himself the most, he shouldn't have believed that we were fine, he should have run more test, he should have been more cautious about the whole situation but now he completely felt... helpless, for the first time in millions of years. the only person who went thick and thin, the person that can tolerate him in the Akademiya days and the person that he can tolerate now have passed away.

(the ending is kind if short because idk what else to say since my vocabulary and grammar is rather limited. i hope this would be sufficient 😭😭😭😭😭 also looking forward on how you react to this. for now i'll just cry myself to sleep with this scenario while waiting for your work ❤️🥰)

- 🪷

It would come out of nowhere, no one expected it, no one believed it in the beginning. After all, over four hundred years of debilitating illness makes it hard for anyone to believe something good finally happened. But it does, when you first wake up you can feel that something is different - you definitely do some test runs in your room, picking up objects that were once too heavy for you, simple actions that no longer left you tired, no more aches or pains, it was marvelous. So obviously with your newfound energy, you sprint out to find anyone, hell even a random agent would do, because you're finally free. (You can already hear the voices of the segments - no running in the lab because of the very obvious dangers.)

Naturally, Dottore is very skeptical of this, yes, he does not trust how his heart beats at the sight of your glowing self putting on a little performance for him to show how healthy you are now, he can't bring himself to. He's witnessed how low you could become from the worst stages of your sickness, so although he's more than happy to see you well, the possibility of you falling back into such a state is very high. However he cannot find anything, and you don't show any visible signs either. Even so, he still watches you very closely. It's a feeling that always nags, one that may always nag him perhaps, the thought of you becoming worse. But he's not going to damper your mood with his thoughts, you should enjoy this.

Dottore and the segments would still scold you for your recklessness but realize that you are no longer sick and frail and they no longer have to fuss over your health. It's a very strange sensation that's hard to break out of since they've been doing it for so long. But it's good! You're happy! You're strong! You're the [Name] that was buried away, come to rise to the surface once more. Let's just say Zandy very much enjoys the piggyback rides. The checkups still persist as a general measure, but they always go smoothly. It seems there's nothing to worry about.

You would want to assume your role of his assistant once again right away - it's something you've been longing for, to be able to be useful to your lover just like how you once were. To live those days of banter and sharing fascinating knowledge and listening to each other's ideas once more. And so you do, Dottore's more than happy to let you, oh how he's missed you by his side so often. He's excited, he's ready to put the past four hundred years behind and move on, his mind already racing with the countless possibilities that have opened up now. Unfortunately, they don't come to fruition.

Perhaps you felt something wasn't right but it was already far too late - on the day of your death you acted like everything was normal, carrying out your new duties, but also with a lot of added affection, visiting each segment and Dottore and kissing them with all your love. They don't think much of it, you're usually affectionate like that. If only they knew that would be the last time they were embraced by you. Little Zandy too - it would be the last time you ever hugged him and listened to you read him a story. He'd be absolutely inconsolable after your death.

With you gone, the spark in his life would be gone. It would be the same routine of his duties and experiments and research, with nothing to ease his tension. Sure, he no longer has to spend lots of time finding a cure or producing medicine, but this wasn't the way he wanted it to happen. It's the same as when you were sleeping, except this time he no longer has the anticipation of you eventually waking up. Or does he?

Resurrection is a forbidden art, but he is Il Dottore, the one who has no problem sinking his hands into what should not be done, and he is Zandik, the one who loves you. If this world wants you gone so badly, then so be it. He will simply reach for your hand and pull you back to him every time, because even if it is lifeless, he will make sure it's warm once again.

[inchidentally]

Write a list of all the landoscar concepts u want to read 👀

oh fuuuuuck anon

ok so bearing in mind I'm still way behind w fic reading so if these already exist pleeeaaaase link me up (and ofc if anyone writes these link me!!):

there's the vestal virgins thing I blurted out

vamposcar AU and this could go the way of it being more like a minor health condition that results in lots of daytime sleeping/sun sensitivity/needing blood during duress like races but Lando is ??? when he finds out, or full-blown immortal Oscar who keeps having to remember to act like a normal young man and not a highborn son from Renaissance Italy and Lando makes the realization during a stream when chat jokingly suggests Oscar's a vampire, basically I want lots of horny Lando and trying-to-hold-back-fangs-Oscar

EDIT: @nyoomfruits has this delicious and funny and beautiful vamposcar fic I’ve Tasted Blood (and I want more)!!

fae-but-doesn't-know-it Lando was actually found as a magic baby in part of an ancient forest near his family's Somerset home, nestled among bluebells when his brother wishes for a little brother - they raise him as normally as possible but have to hand-wave how often he gets hurt but heals super quickly and only Jon is informed for Lando's protection - Oscar being the first person outside the family circle to pay close enough attention to Lando and notice a few odd things: the strange light that seems to follow Lando wherever he goes even in the dark, the way the gold specks in his green eyes sometimes move around, the way certain metals make his skin rash up, how Lando isn't just a fussy eater he can somehow sense where food he hates is being stored even if it's out of sight, how he's wary of cats because they react strangely to him, and the way Oscar sometimes has to avoid looking directly in Lando's eyes because he's actually falling prey to Lando's instincts to trap and keep him. I'd love a scene where Oscar approaches Lando about it in private and does a little experiment he found on the internet where he intentionally hurts himself and Lando freaks while Oscar keeps telling him to "fix it, you know you can fix it" and hey presto! Lando has a lot of questions for his parent because he just healed Oscar with his hands and some weird glowing light came out?? EDIT: @lemonadedino has begun a fic for this!! and here's the finished fic!!

Lando who everyone assumes has been with guys but hasn't who then finds out that Oscar who has been with more guys than girls (Oscar having to talk Lando through a whole lot of realizing things)

Oscar adores casually sucking dick with no feelings attached and has blown just about every guy in racing that he could - except when he asks Lando he's unexpectedly excited and Lando is snorting a drink out of his nose in shock and oops has Feelings when Oscar gives him the best head of his life

Lando loves making straight men crazy for him and collects them like beaded bracelets but when it comes to Oscar he has an attack of guilt and can't work his usual wiles. Oscar assumes Lando is just especially not interested and ~miscommunication~ ensues

eternal-dork-complex Oscar has no interest in his own appearance and just kinda hopes the people he dates/sleeps with will be game but also lets a lot of hotties slip by because he doesn't bother - oops that's the case with Lando who Oscar assumed would be out of his league so he friendzones himself. Lando perceives this as Oscar somehow ?? not finding him smoking hot ?? what is wrong with this guy ?? but Oscar is also so incredibly kind and funny and attentive to Lando and his best teammate yet. he assumes it's that Oscar is just not interested bc it's not like being straight has stopped guys when it comes to Lando but ohhhh it hurts more and more that Oscar is the one to not be head over heels for him. lots of inside Lando's poor confused head POV and he ends up back in his apartment in Monaco all alone and wanting to cry every five minutes because Oscar just hugged him goodbye in Abu Dhabi and went off without a care in the world! texting miscommunication where Max F checks in worried and Lando spills it all out but through his blurry wet eyes he accidentally sends it to Oscar who had texted at the same time asking about the Autosport Awards videos they'd recorded. Lando falls asleep miserable and jetlagged and only wakes up hours later to the building's security guard pounding on the door saying that a Mr. Piastri has been asking to get in for the past hour but ofc Lando has missed all the texts and calls and intercom buzzes. Oscar is finally allowed in and he's frantic and rumpled with his little backpack and so adorably confused that Lando has to kiss him. LOTS of communication and feelings ensue etc.

ok that's all I could do for now but I'm gonna keep this to update anon, thank you for making me do this bc I had no idea I wanted all of this aslfjlashfljhf

[vasito-de-leche]

okay I read your analysis on Forget Me Not and I'm in tears now thank you. (No but really thank you, it's such a touching piece.) Can you PLEASE for salvation of our fans souls write anything to like,,, give him hope? Forget Me Not x reader but it doesn't have to be actually all-out with hugs and kisses. We may,,,,,,,, just show him a new hobby? Any hobby of your choosing or idk play an instrument together. Just to give him something else to focus on, to channel at least part of his energy from self-destructive activities to something less hurtful. I'd personally like to bandage his (not actually wounded but still) hands as if they were bleeding. Something of the kind. Sorry for mistakes writing is incredibly inconvenient cuz tears aaa.

;R1999 FORGET ME NOT - "hands, fingers, scales"

Forget Me Not x Reader. 2.3k words. self-harm implied You've befriended Forget Me Not the same one befriends a rabid, beaten, old dog. And while he's much too busy fighting his inner demons, you're more worried about stopping these "pernicious habits" of his. A casual afternoon trying to make sure he's taking care of himself turns into something deeper.

thank you so much for the ask, nonnie!!

I got a little carried away with this request because thinking about how fucking insufferable and confusing FMN has to be just to indulge in HAND HOLDING and GETTING A FUCKING HOBBY made me so deranged and feral as if hes not fucking TOUCHSTARVED lmfao. this guy's love language is straight up worshipping, mf is not subtle about it

either way, hope you like it! here's the lil preview!

Sometimes, Forget Me Not understands the reason men and women kneel at the pew to worship and pray.

Devotion is something arcanists and humans share, whether honest or not. He's witnessed the rich and the poor, the pure and the depraved, and every binary that rules this world - all of them begging, pleading and praying at the end of their lives, casting away the pride they've held on for so long for the chance of salvation. Once stripped down to their core, there is nothing to do but hope God has enough love in His heart to look their way. 

And sometimes, Forget Me Not prays that you’ll find someone else - anyone but him - to fill the role of devotee.

The gentleness in your eyes whenever you look at him is enough to bring him to his knees, and Forget Me Not doesn't know what to do with himself but to worship and pray. Praying that you'll continue to look at him for a little longer, silently begging for your attention until you finally tire of him. Do you think yourself holy enough to replace the vitriol in his veins?

He does.

On good days, he even hopes that you can save him.

You never asked him to become your one and only believer, of course. You're not even aware of the space you take in his mind, nor the conflicting images he keeps conjuring of you at night, he's certain of this. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here, holding his hands and inspecting them for any injuries. This role is one of the many self-imposed tragedies in his life.

Your thumbs knead and massage his palm, as if you could soothe the pain away, and yet you refrain from pressing down hard. He's at your mercy, why hesitate? What do you see that he cannot?

Something is bothering you. It's obvious in the way you touch him, like you're afraid of hurting him, as if you were the one with a body count between the two. Every so often, your movements come to a halt and you both sit in silence, until you return to your ministrations, filling the nothingness with your sighing and humming.

All he needs is to look up, right at your face, to know everything he wants to know - but he's too much of a coward for that. Instead, light grey eyes follow your index finger as it slides under the cuffs of his shirt. You trace over the bone of his wrist and continue upwards.

He can't tear his eyes away.

Normally, Forget Me Not wouldn't mind. There is an addictive thrill to witnessing the shock of anyone who dares get so close and personal, but he feels himself shrink when you brush against his scales and recoil away on instinct. That's when he raises his head and finds your eyes in the dimly lit staff room.

That expression on your face - surely, you were regretting every choice that led you to him. By now, you might've surely realized that there is nothing for you to salvage in this shipwreck he calls a life. All attempts to check on him were surely a façade for whatever ulterior motives you continued to withhold from him. He's stubborn, believing that he can read you like an open book, but now he's just as lost as you are. When he opens his mouth to speak, you beat him to it and he grows a little restless at your words.

"Sorry, sorry! Did I, uh, hurt you? Dumb question, you would've definitely told me if that were the case. Anyway, it looks like you're okay! I don't know why I was so worried, actually."

His silence prompts you to continue, and all Forget Me Not can focus on is the absence of your warmth.

You raise a hand to gesture dismissively at your behaviour, brush it off to ease your embarrassment, that much he understands - though it's painful to watch you fumble like that, to deny what he hides under his clothes. Forget Me Not thinks of filling the space between your fingers with his own, just to drag you back to that quiet, albeit suffocating, moment of peace. Instead of doing that, he retreats and places both hands neatly on his lap.

"Thanks for indulging me and, yeah uh, again - sorry about that? It just caught me off guard. I should've been more careful."

But you were never careful with his space or his rules, plunging in and out of his life and leaving him to figure out where he stood in his game of push and pull. Why were you being careful now?

"It's nothing, I understand," he lies. Everything you do means the world to him and he doesn't even understand why. "It cannot hurt to know what sort of things the person pouring your drinks might be hiding under their sleeves."

The word "hypocrite" lingers at the tip of his tongue, threatening to spill out with as much venom as he can muster, but it stays lodged behind his teeth because he knows he's even worse: Forget Me Not prays that you'll stay with him, while also opening the door right out his life for you. As much as he wants to, he has no right of calling you out.

He's not used to receiving apologies and so he chooses not to think too hard on yours - though he's dreamed countless of times for the perfect situation in which he finally rips out one apology after another from the throats of those who wronged him, this one feels different. Undeserved, even.

His heart, that wretched lump in his chest, finally settles down and he prepares to end this interaction to save you the awkwardness of addressing his "deformities". But then you go and surprise him once more.

"Come on, I already told you..." You sigh and he inhales in tandem, but you're much too busy rolling your eyes to notice. "That whole thing you do, when you start scratching or, like, picking at your hand? You've been doing it more lately. It had me worried you might've been doing, I don't know - something."

Forget Me Not's eyes widen in surprise. The audacity to notice such things about him? And to put them on display without a warning? What else did you find out?

Part of him wants him to embrace his nature and scare you away, but that's the side of him that's been slowly losing this battle of attrition in his heart - you're a bad influence for him, after all. The other part... Well, it's still trying to sort itself out.

He settles for slowly undoing the buttons on his sleeve. It only takes a moment to roll up the fine fabric to his elbow, knowing you're staring right at him, through him maybe. The expression on his face is one of indifference, one he fights to maintain - this is the most vulnerable he's felt in decades.

That unsightly pattern begins exactly where his sleeves usually end, coiling around his forearm not unlike a snake and traveling upwards. The scales are dark, an iridescent black that reminds him of an oil spill in the middle of the ocean, and the ones at the edges fade away into lighter hues until they mix with the pale, sickly tone of his skin. He knows the sort of beauty he holds, one that can only be admired at a distance, turning into a grotesque imitation of a man when up close.

Forget Me Not presents himself to you and, with his free hand, gets ready to pluck one of the scales off.

"Wait, don't do that-!"

Seizing his arm and holding it close to your chest, you deprive him of the catharsis that comes with this level of self-mutilation. He knows you're connecting the dots, feeling the scattered, empty spaces from all the times you saw him pick himself apart and more. Your fingers brush against his bare skin looking for said spaces, counting them in your head, mourning their loss.

Some scales are in the process of regrowing like unwanted parasites, and he wishes he could feel anything at all just to be closer to you.

"God, what is wrong with you?! What was the point of that?"

Something compels him to laugh (perhaps it's your heartbeat reaching out to him loud and clear through your clothes, he feels it faintly) it comes across as sinister and condescending, the only way he knows how to express joy. Like he's making fun of your concern.

"Apologies," Forget Me Not begins to say, readjusting his glasses. The way you try to keep his own arm out of his reach doesn't go unnoticed. It's such a petty, childish gesture that makes his grin widen and your frown deepen. "I was under the impression you found this little oddity distasteful. There's no need to worry - they will return in a few days, they always do."

"Still, don't do that. It's not funny. It must...hurt a lot."

"Ah, but it doesn't. If else, I'd compare it to being pricked by a very small needle."

"You're just going to find something to nitpick and contradict everything I say, aren't you?" It's the least he can do to repay all the headaches you've given him, and for forgiving his transgressions too easily.

An intrusive thought makes itself known from the depths of his mind - would you forgive him just as readily if he were to kill someone in front of you? If he showed you just how destructive his arcane skills could be when given free reign? Where would you draw the line? And how much could he continue to push his luck before he lost you?

Before Forget Me Not realizes it, you've loosened your grip on his arm and returned to that previous moment of suffocating peace - the only difference is that you've gone from being deep in thought to troubled and miserable, one hair away from darting out the room and refusing to speak to him. At this, his pinky finger wraps around yours and neither of you mention it.

"Can't you... I don't know, do something else?"

"I could be doing my job, but alas, you're keeping me prisoner here." He says, like he's not delighted to be given your undivided attention. There are no complaints when you step on his foot with a huff, he deserved that one.

"I'm talking about the scales thing! You could wear gloves. If it happens when you get distracted then, I could hang around to make sure you stop in time." A pause, and then the sound of your voice becomes unsure and so very small. "Maybe if we covered them with bandages...? But that could be annoying. Band aids? No, no - too unprofessional. It would ruin the whole aesthetic you're going for."

You continue to trail off, coming up with many different ideas and solutions to a problem he caused. He doesn't understand why you'd even bother in the first place. For you to reciprocate the attention he gives you, to care about him? That's the hardest pill Forget Me Not has ever swallowed - it's something he twirls around with his tongue, as if deciding whether to poison himself with bliss or spit it out and continue latching on to his doubts and insecurities.

Outside, in front of everyone at The Walden, he's the one leading the crowd and talking for hours on end, commanding their attention and manipulating the flow of every conversation.

Behind closed doors, all he does is listen to every nonsensical thought, unnecessary opinion and strange anecdote you throw at him.

"...No, that won't work either." Absentmindedly, you fix and button his sleeve back into place.

You've grown used to his silence the same way you've adapted and grown used to his flaws.

"I mean, it worked on me - getting a little slap on the wrist whenever I started biting my nails, but..." Without even thinking, you rub circles with your thumb across his knuckles.

You might as well be the stupidest angel in heaven.

"Why don't you just get a hobby? That's good enough, right? It's been so long since I've heard you play piano, the one by the stage." And just like that, you're on your feet attempting to drag him outside for a demonstration. "You could teach me! That way, we get to do something fun and I get to keep an eye on you."

Forget Me Not knows he has nothing to offer to this world, but when his saint looks at him with such hope, he cannot refuse. The path to recovery seems almost doable when you bump your shoulder into his, challenging him to play the hardest song he knows.

The stars in your eyes whenever you recognize all the songs he plays becomes intoxicating, more so than the sweet, sweet revenge he's yearned for since he spiraled into decadence.

Some days, his patrons join with their own singing or humming, and he forgets that he hates each and every one of them for as long as his fingers dance across the keys - a momentary reprieve from the constant stream of negativity. It doesn't take long for his body to remember his training and soon, he's improvising.

A melody for gloomy, rainy days. A whimsical tune here and there for celebrations.

A song for you and himself - the first one he teaches you and the only one he plays in private, when he's all alone with nothing but his thoughts. Solitude has gone from a noose wrapped around his neck to the perfect time to compose and hone this long forgotten passion. For the first time in forever, he doesn't dread the silence of an empty room, the endless wait between his shifts at The Walden - not when he can simply fill them with more and more music.

And so, Forget Me Not plays, hoping that you'll continue to cheer him on. Hoping that this tiny spark you've ignited in him can truly become his salvation.

[neerons]

Hi! How are you doing? I wanted to ask if you know some stories that are similar to MK. It can be another game, manga/webtoon, or even movies/series/dramas. I want to read or watch a similar story with an interesting plot and deep stories, but not too complicated. The storyline has to be logical/coherent and well written. The characters must be strong and have interesting personalities, good developments and if possible, good relationships too. I don't have a particular theme in mind, but I'd like some romance in the story (the two lovers are equals). If you have some recommendations or if someone else has some stories to share, I'm interested! Thank you ❤️

Hi! I'm very good thank you. I hope you're doing well too ❤

I'm not going to help out much when it comes to other games, webtoons, movies or series as what I play, read or watch in these categories don't really fit Masquerade Kiss' universe.

Anyone is welcome to leave recommendations as well. Try to tag @ himawari ⬆ for visibility so your comment can be seen

MK is pretty unique so not everything I recommend is even 50% close to being similar to MK, so I mostly rely on core details that match.

However when it comes to mangas/animes, there are ones I can instantly think about, and some others that have similarities as well. Some of them don't involve romance but I tried to think of ones who do.

Black Butler

If you're looking for something similar to Kei's route, let me introduce you to my favorite anime and manga ✨ Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji ✨

It doesn't involve the romance you're looking for, but the story is deep, linked to religion and a sexy demon butler, with one of the main characters (Ciel) having a very similar past to Kei. It's actually the only one I can think of that is so similar to MK overall, but it's definitely darker.

It involves the same things we see in Kei's route in general: rejection of religious faith, demons (but here an actual one), philosophy about what being a human is, child abuse in a religious setting, being left as an orphan, and another thing very similar to Kei that I will not spoil as it is a big plot twist in the manga. (But tbh I wouldn't be surprised if the writer in charge of Kei got inspired by Black Butler)

(However, keep in mind that if you watch the anime, you need to look up the episodes that are adapted from the manga so the plot stays coherent (the anime has some parts of S1 and S2 that were invented, and you should avoid watching those, unless you want to, if you want to understand the actual plot)

The Apothecary Diaries

The romance is not completely established yet even in the manga, as it is slow burn. However the FL is extremely interesting and strong, intelligent as well as very funny. The ML is equally as good, and both have a very interesting relationship.

I recommend this one especially for the "equals" part you're looking for, but the era they're in in this universe doesn't fit MK's. But the story is quite deep and not that hard to understand

Spy x Family

This one is linked to spies and assassins, and family life in general in a cold war setting. I realize as I'm writing this just how much I suck at doing these masterpieces justice btw.

Anyway, the characters are extremely good. The story, with all its comedy and funny moments, is also quite profound as you have characters start to understand what love is (kind of similar to MK as well in this aspect?) and well, it's about ✨ spies ✨ I like to compare the MK Boss and Twilight (the ML) as they're incredible at their work.

The romances are not well established as well in this one but they're slowly building.

The era is also a bit different, but it's not too shocking

Kaguya-sama: Love is War

This one is also a funny one. The FL and ML and side characters are all amazing and well written. It's an elite high school setting. It's not dark like the others ones I've mentioned and is more of a comfort anime/manga.

I think the characters' banter can be similar to what we're used to see in MK, and it's a lovely, although frustrating at times, slow burn

7th Time Loop: The Villainess enjoys a carefree life married to her worst enemy!

I almost tired my fingers out typing that title, but this anime has a really good romance with a very independent, strong, intelligent and capable FL, with a strong, cold but actually tender ML.

Not the same era as MK again, but it's another one with both leads being equally as good and having a good relationship (although it's not easy at first). The FL's belief in justice and her kindness are also similar to our lovely MK MC as well.

I don't know if you have already watched or read those, but that's mostly what I could think of. Sadly, I have yet to find one very similar to MK's glamour, sensual, funny and dark vibe myself but I hope I helped you a bit, and if I didn't, then I'm sorry and I hope you'll find something good!

I guess the Mission Impossible movies that the MC loves so much are actual inspirations for MK? So you might be interested in those if you haven't watched them.

The movie or series about Hannibal Lecter with Mads Mikkelsen for Kei's route as well? Although I haven't watched it myself so I don't know if it was an inspiration, and it's gore, so be careful with the warnings

I could recommend you French romantic movies that MC would enjoy and that would be similar to MK (as MK heavily implements French references in its content), but I won't be able to guarantee there'll be a translation for you to understand, so I'm giving up the idea

Thank you for the ask, and have a lovely day/night ❤

[patiann345]

I'm flabbergasted, I'm shocked, I'm disappointed, and frankly? I'm indignant.

In a series with so, so very little in terms of representation in canon, a series that had what I THOUGHT was 2-3 confirmed POC (we'll get to that 2-3 bit btw), 1 Jewish man, a handful of women who's writing is hit-or-miss, and no queer characters because according to one of the creators "their identities don't matter"... (Tell that to the straight characters like Henry, Thomas, Allison, Susie, Linda who's not even a character and didn't need to exist in the first place-)

Preview for that graphic novel dropped! Spoilers!!

Norman Polk is white.

I'm. astonished. For the record, because I know someone will likely bring it up, I am aware that there was never a point in the series where it was ever actually confirmed that Norman was a black man. But it was very much the consensus for most people that he was coded to be POC. To see this is just.. it's disheartening.

Dreams Come to Life seemingly (egg on my face for thinking Norman was black ig???) had 3 POC characters; Norman, Thomas, and Jacob. This was... maybe changed to 2 later on, as JDS went back on coding Thomas as a black man (an announcement they made in a Discord server of all things?? Never publically???) which they may have gone back on again later since the wiki (not official, for the record) recognizes him as black.

3 characters, and we're now down to possibly one; I say possibly because it depends on how Thomas is represented in this book. If he's black, we've got 2. If he's white?

One. One character who's never made an appearance in the games; only in spinoff material in a book. One.

In the simplest way I can put it, I'm upset. There's lots more I can talk about here; how I think this opening is a disservice and bastardization of the original writing for cutting so much out, how while it can look worse (I've read a good handful of fnaf books I KNOW it can look worse) I can't say it really looks any good, how Buddy looks like he's 12, how the yellows are garish and piss-looking. But what has me the most upset is Norman, because he was 1 of 2-3 POC characters, out of a cast of dozens upon dozens. And sure, there could be more. But we only had 3 confirmed. Maybe 2.

And now we may be down to one.

I actually spoke with my partner a few nights ago about how nervous I was about the graphic novel. Because of how the cover looked, I wasn't expecting anything great. But I knew there was a chance they'd double down and be like 'Nope, actually Thomas is white, always was' I was anticipating that, and I still am. And I looked at them and told them something roughly along the lines of- "I can live with them making Thomas white, cause of them trying to back-peddle once, I wouldn't be surprised, but I don't know how I'd handle them whitewashing Norman."

I still don't know how to handle it. To say I'm disappointed is an understatement. People have done amazing designs of Norman for AUs and personal headcanons. Hell, all the staff really. And a majority of them, you'll find, are black. Almost everyone thought he was black. Not this pale Afton knock-off (seriously his hair looks greasy as hell, I know it's a stylization of the lighting but it looks gross)

I'm just throwing my thoughts out here for anyone who cares. Maybe most people won't mind, and fine. Again, it wasn't stated, it was seemingly coding, but clearly, we were wrong because he's paler than the fucking moon. But this is upsetting. This is genuinely upsetting to see. We have so little rep in this series, and the number is somehow dwindling.

What. the Fuck.

[sw-33-ts-stuff]

Wednesday Addams X Reader

Part VII-No More

3rd Person POV

Wednesday watched as Xavier slid himself into the seat next to Y/n in Math.

The sound of a snap in the distance but no one paid any attention to it.

Enid tapped her roommates shoulder whispering. "Wednesday your pencil broke."

Or should I say? "You broke your pencil.....Again".

The girl simply reached for another pencil, eyes never leaving you or Xavier as he kept whispering to you during class.

She could tell you were trying to pay attention but the tall boy just wouldn't. Shut. Up.

She watched as he tried to subtly brush against you and you ever so innocent, had no idea to the game he was playing.

He knew the answers to the very obvious questions he asked.

He also knew you were still struggling to grasp some concepts and went to help before the teacher cut him off to dismiss the class.

What he didn't know was Wednesday had instructed Thing to tie his laces together so he'd be unable to walk you to your next class.

Wednesday stood fast rushing to get near you as Xavier was about to stand up and offer to tutor you.

"Y/n." Her usual monotone voice held some aggression. The girl looked up in surprise. She pushed her glasses up her nose smiling slightly to the goth.

"Hey Wednesday. Is everything ok?" You were confused as the girl hadn't spoken to you in days. You hadn't seen her except in Herpetology and even then your conversations were held strictly for class. The interaction between you two still plaguing your thoughts.

The girl with the braids nodded. "I thought I'd offer my assistance as I'd overheard you were struggling with some of the concepts."

Xavier shot up in surprise standing far too quickly and falling on his face. Wednesday felt her lips quirk slightly before she turned back to you.

You looked to Xavier in some concern and amusement.

"Are you ok?" The boy nodded untying his shoes as you looked back at Wednesday.

"If you don't mind I'll gladly take the extra help. We can work on it after we finish the project for Herpetology?"

The goth nodded. "I will walk you to your next class."

You went to stand up quickly almost stumbling into her. Wednesday looked down to see Thing directly in front of your foot. She narrowed her eyes making the hand scurry away.

Luckily you didn't think anything of it.

Everyone watching in shock as the Addams girl took your bag and held the door for you before she lead you to your next class.

"Did I just watch Wednesday Addams willingly offer to help someone?" Enid looked to Thing, who just signed a quick "Yes" and Bianca who was too busy laughing at Xavier to notice.

.

.

.

The day continued much of the same as it had that morning. Wednesday helping you in whatever you needed as everyone stared whispering while they watched the two of you interact. No one knowing what to say as the usually introverted girl socialized with you.

It was lunch where you both sat under a tree. You eating and Wednesday who to anyone else would seem to be reading but was actually paying attention to your every move.

Enid sat with Bianca, Yoko and Davina as they watched the two of you.

"I think I'm in shock." Enid broke the silence and the stare they all had on you two.

"I think WE'RE ALL in shock." Davina laughed as Yoko put an arm around her shoulder.

"So how long do you guys think it'll take them to be official?" Everyone turned their head to a smirking Bianca. "What? Might as well make it interesting."

"I give it a week." Enid proposed.

"A few hours. Wednesday doesn't waste time." Bianca smirked

Davina spoke up. "Maybe Wednesdays just bored I can't see her actually being in a relationship. She's too cold."

Enid scowled. "Wednesday not that bad."

"Real question is.." Yoko drawled. "How long until Xavier realizes he needs to stop going for girls who aren't interested?"

The group of girls turned their heads to see the tall boy scowling at the table as his fork stabbed the food on his tray. Ajax next to him patting his shoulder.

They all laughed before turning back to the two girls, their jaws dropping when they saw Wednesday gently place her book down and give you her full attention.

Enid turned to Davina smug. "WeDnEsDay's TOo cOlD."

Across the quad, you were in a conversation with Wednesday discussing a recent documentary you found on a serial killer. Her eyes didn't seem so cold to you anymore and you could swear that just for a moment she was actually engaged in the conversation as well. You knew for sure when she'd made a sarcastic remark that made you laugh.

Of course all good things came to an end when Elijah stalked over to the both of you.

"Hey sis. It's been a minute."

Wednesday didn't like the way your smile fell. Or how you began to close yourself off the minute his smug face came into view. She looked to the boy one eyebrow raised, eyes slightly narrowed.

"Can we help you?" The boys smile grew wider.

"Yeah I got this bet going with Kent about goth chicks being freaks in bed." Wednesday stood when you did. You pushed the boy making him stumble slightly. He grew agitated and went to push you back but found his arm in Wednesdays grasp.

She'd flipped him using his own body weight against and stood tall.

"Didn't your mother teach you to never put your hands on a woman?" The boy coughed before he laughed.

"She's not a woman she's a little bitch." Wednesday grabbed the boy by his collar crouching slightly.

"WEDNESDAY!" Her mother came into view. "Let him go."

The girl glared dropping him harshly and knocking the wind out of him. Y/n stepping up to Dean Addams as a crowd of students rushed forward as well.

"It's not her fault-" The tall woman held a hand up to the girl.

"Why don't you two head to your dorms? I'd like to speak to some of the other students first to get their versions of events."

You nodded walking to your dorm not knowing Wednesday was right behind you.

When you went to open the door you felt a body bump into you. You turned in surprise.

"Sorry." You grimaced stepping aside to let the girl in.

She stood still not saying anything as she tried to get rid of her anger.

"I'm so sorry that he-" she cut you off.

"Does he always speak to you that way?" Her voice was surprisingly soft.

You nod unable to meet her eyes.

A cold finger went under your chin lifting your gaze to meet dark eyes.

"Not anymore, querida."

.

.

.

A bucket of water was splashed on Elijah's face as he awoke in a strange room.

"Howdy Elijah." He looked up to see a familiar goth glaring at him. Next to her a table full of tools and a single hand grabbing pliers.

"What the fuck?! Let me go." The girls head tilted slightly to the side.

"Did you not want this?" She asks feigning confusion as the boy shakes in frustration.

"NO!" The ravenette deadpanned before she grabbed the scalpel from Thing.

"That's the same thing Y/n said when you put your disgusting hands on her wasn't it?" The boy shook sweating and nervous. "I'm afraid I can't let you go Elijah I made a promise to your sister and myself."

"What-what promise?" She smirked.

"No more." She stepped closer sticking the boy with a needle. "Tetrodotoxin. Known for interfering with the transmission of signals from nerves to muscles causing paralysis to the muscles of the body."

Elijah's heart was nearly flying out of his chest. "Please."

Wednesday almost laughed. "You call that begging?" She turned to her partner in crime.

"Thing, let's start with his nails. It's been too long since we've tortured someone and I want to savor this."

Taglist: @tiffanysunshine @awolfcsworld @maria-403 @ognenniyvolk @dreifhraniquo29 @rainbow-love4ever @ghostissus @reginassweetheart @lucasm8 @thedemoninme141 @alexkolax @fashromanmaximoff

[runningfrom2am]

i am a god

summary: after a fatal bar fire leaves the whole city distraught, your best friend can’t help but notice that you couldn’t care less.

pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader

wc: 3.9k

tags/warnings: possession, violence, blood, gore, s/h elements, death, all that fun stuff. also reader is a psycho. semi-platonic jj x reader, SOME jjiara (i couldnt resist- sorry kie girl ily), implications of a non-straight reader, manipulation.

a/n: this is for day one of obx week!! day one: au with jj maybank! if you couldn’t tell by now, i went with a jennifer’s body au. don’t ask why, it honestly just came to me in a raven simone style vision and i honestly hate the final product. but i thought it was so perfect getting into the spooky season :)

i hope you enjoy and i’ll see you again tomorrow for my first ever john b fic!!

disclaimer!! : please be mindful of the warnings on this one! there are references to assault and violence and self-harm so if any of this is disturbing for you please do not read this! come back tomorrow for some fluff :)

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"JJ, it's literally not that deep. Don't be a baby. It'll be fun." You scoff, throwing your bag over your shoulder as you get up off his bed.

"For you, maybe. I don't get why I have to come." JJ sighs, following you down his hallway anyways as you sway your hips in the cocky way you always do.

"Because we're best friends. Duh."

"Okay, sure, but what am I meant to do when you ditch me to go hook up with the lead singer like you're insisting you will?"

"His name is Rafe Cameron, and he's an absolute rocket." You giggle. "You're not gonna join us?" You tease, turning to him and tilting your head.

"No, Y/N. I'd really rather not." JJ pushes your hands away as you reach out to fix his shirt.

"You're so boring, J." You pout, huffing and walking out the door. As usual, JJ follows like a lost puppy.

At school the next day, all anyone can talk about is how the bar you had been in got burnt down. All JJ can think about is that awful dream he had after he saw you off in the bands van, leaving him behind to go have sex with Rafe Cameron. The dream that you'd come back to his house, eaten all his food, and puked this awful black liquid all over his floor before trying to attack him, hesitating, and then running out- he even dreamt that he cleaned it all up. The uneasy feeling in his gut the only tangible evidence of the event.

"JJ, would you believe it if I told you he genuinely believed I was a virgin?" You whisper in the boys ear, coming seemingly out of nowhere and draping your arm over his shoulder in the school hallway.

"Honestly? No, I wouldn't." JJ replies, slamming his locker shut. "He must have been dumber than I imagined."

You giggle, taking a step back from him to lean against the lockers. "Even so, the sex was subpar at best. It was really upsetting. Almost traumatic, even." You sigh dramatically.

"Can't you have the slightest bit of empathy? People died last night, Y/N." JJ whispers, hoping you're not drawing too much attention to them in the quieter than normal hallway.

You roll your eyes. "Loosen up, Jayj. It's literally not that deep."

"It is, actually!" JJ replies, shocked as you start to walk away.

"Love ya! Catch you later." You blow him a kiss and strut off, leaving him to shake his head in embarrassment. You've always been a force to reckon with, and truly no one understood why the two of you were friends, but even this was out of character for you.

Later that day, Topper Thornton had turned up dead in the forest behind your school. You had paid no mind. It had been a month since then, and JJ saw you in person less and less, despite how close you always had been. You called him frequently though, hushed voices crackling over the landline late at night to make up for missed time.

He took the opportunity of you not incessantly calling him to invite over his girlfriend. Kie had always put up with your friendship, but she wasn't your biggest fan- the way you walked all over him never rubbing her the right way. Why would it? Regardless, she was thankful to spend some time with him one on one without you there to ruin her mood.

It's when JJ freezes on top of her, muttering about how something is wrong and he needs to find you, that Kie snapped. Internally, that is. That was the final straw. She would go to the upcoming formal with him, and then they were done. She just couldn't take it anymore. JJ didn't really care that when both of them fled his house to their separate cars, Kie had left in a huff with a slam of her door. He was only really worried about you.

The panic rose in his chest as he got on his bike, revving up the engine and taking off. He didn't know where he was driving, just that he was driving to you. He took a right onto a dead street he hardly ever drove down, scanning the dark street based only on his gut feeling that you were close. What he didn't expect, was seeing you stumble out of the woods, if that even was the word, covered in blood as the red fluid dropped down your chin.

He screams, swerving out of the way as you stop right in his path, almost rolling his bike in an attempt to not hit you. He screeches to a stop at the side of the street, looking around frantically with his chest heaving. You were gone. JJ thinks he's going crazy- did he see what he thought he saw? There's no way, right?

As he shakes his head to knock some sense into himself, he looks forward and sees you standing right in front of him again. "Hi, J." You smile. Did you always have fangs?

JJ screams again, hammering the reverse and flying back on the bike, frantically turning around and speeding off. Whatever that was was not you. That was not his best friend.

In his panic and fear, he made it home and screamed for his father who JJ, for the first time ever, wished was home. Of course he wasn't. He sighs and wipes away his fearful tears, running upstairs to his room and crawled into bed in the dark. He lets out a sigh of relief- finally, he should be able to sleep, hellbent on admitting himself to a psych ward first thing in the morning. He must be losing his mind.

"Hi." He jolts up when he hears you speak, cheery as ever and feels you shift beside him to sit up.

"Oh my god!" He screams, leaping out of bed and smacking the light on.

"God, JJ- enough with the screaming! You're such a pussy." You say, kneeling on his bed in nothing but one of his t-shirts and your underwear.

"Get out!" JJ shouts in response, cutting you off and pointing to the door.

You pout, placing your hands on your lap. "But we always share your bed when we have slumber parties." JJ takes in your appearance. You were clean, head to toe; not a hair out of place or a drop of blood to be seen.

He doesn't say anything, breathing heavily as he stares at you in partial relief. He may be crazy, but at least you're not trying to kill him. You sit up on your knees and move to the edge of his bed, reaching out to him with a small smile on your face. "I'm not gonna bite you..." You smile, placing your hands on his shoulders, gently rubbing them.

"I'm afraid you might." JJ mutters, uncertain as he feels you play with the hair at the back of his neck.

Your smile grows slightly and you pull your lower lip between your teeth. "Only if you want me to." You shrug, suddenly leaning in. Closer, closer, until your lips are almost touching.

JJ is horrified, frozen as you brush your thumb over his bottom lip before ever so gently pushing your lips together. He can't even bring himself to close his eyes while you kiss him, but something draws him into the temptation to kiss you back. Eventually, as you lay back on the bed, he lays over you and kisses you again, in some sort of trance as you hook your leg up over his hip.

"Wait- what the fuck is happening?" He quickly pushes himself off of you and sits up.

"My god, J bug, what's gotten into you?" You chuckle, sitting up again and tilting your head at him in a way he's all too familiar with.

"I saw you! I saw- I saw you in the street covered in blood and now you're just here like nothing happened and we're kissing and I have a girlfriend and you know that and I-" JJ rambles on in a panic, trying desperately to figure out what is going on with him.

"Blah, blah, blah-" You cut him off. "Slow down, tardy slip. You sound like a sped."

"I'm gonna call the police." JJ nods, settling on what he has to do, even if he doesn't know how they'll help.

"Uh, okay, why don't you narc me out? I have the cops in my back pocket. I'm fucking a cadet, remember?" You say smugly, crossing your legs and leaning back.

"What do you want from me?" JJ sighs. He knows you're right, and he's crazy anyways- so what would calling the cops even do?

"I just want to explain some things to you." You admit. "Besides, best friends don't keep secrets. Right?"

JJ just nods, waiting for you to continue.

"'Kay, so remember the night of the fire? I got really messed up. And those guys from Low Shoulder, Rafe's band, are like totally evil. They're basically like agents of Satan with really awesome haircuts." You explain the whole ideal- how you insisted you were a virgin and they should find someone with more experience if their plan was assault. True fear like none other completely enveloped you, up until you passed out from blood loss and pain from their masochistic ritual- all in an attempt to get famous. From the second you left JJ's side at the burning dive bar you knew something wasn't right. Fear was the last emotion you felt, but you left that, and the fact that you were screaming for him in what should have been your final moments, out of the story.

"They killed you..." JJ mutters, a tear dropping quickly from his eye and staining his shirt.

"Well I'm still here, aren't I?" You scoff, seemingly unfazed now by the horrific events. "I mean, they did go all Benihana on my ass with that knife and it should have killed me, but for some reason it didn't."

JJ shifts uncomfortably. "Maybe it did."

"Anyway," You quickly brush off his comment, avoiding his eyes as you pick at your nails. "I don't really remember what happened after that. I just know that I woke up and I found my way back to you."

"I remember." JJ nods. He wasn't dreaming- it was real. It was all real, and he curses himself for not checking his trash to see if he really had cleaned up your mess that night.

"I couldn't bring myself to hurt you." You smile softly at him, leaning now on your elbow. "I mean, I'm a really good friend, but I was just so hungry. And ever since then, I just knew what I had to do to be strong."

JJ goes to speak, trying to understand but he has so many questions, when you just continue anyways. "And when I'm full, like I am right now, I'm like, unkillable." You say, a smug tone to your voice. "Like, I can do shit like this. Watch."

You grab a pen from beside the bed, and before JJ can even get a word out you're plunging the tip into your forearm and dragging it down towards your wrist. His eyes widen in horror, reaching out for you as you remove the metal from your arm. "It's really cool! Just watch, look." You stop him, the lighthearted tone of your voice settling him only slightly as he watches the blood drip down your skin. Within moments, all of the blood retreats the way it came, back into your body as the deep cut seals back up.

You smile and make a sucking noise, mimicking the one your skin made as the cut completely disappeared. "It's like some X-Men shit, right?"

JJ watches in awe and confusion, staring at the place on your arm where your skin should still be broken. "What do you mean, 'when you're full'?" He asks after a moment, eyes returning to yours again. "Why were you covered in blood?"

Your smile fades quickly as you look back at him, unsure how to explain. Or if you want to.

"You didn't even look human." JJ adds, genuine fear and worry behind his eyes.

"You know, J-Bug, maybe you should talk to somebody about these disturbing thoughts that you're having..." You shake your head at him as you speak. "We're all really concerned. Especially Kie."

JJ shakes his head and stands up. He didn't expect you to gaslight him, especially when you just showed him to his face that you're invincible now, and now that he knows what really happened to you the night of the fire. "I think she may be having second thoughts about you." You continue, and he's fed up. He points to the door dejectedly.

"Leave." He tells you firmly.

"Come on, JJ, let me stay the night." You plead. "We can play boyfriend-girlfriend like we used to." It sounds like you're offering it to him, like it should be something tempting, but it isn't to him. Or at least he thinks it shouldn't be- but in reality he would love nothing more than to let you stay.

He sighs, looking away from you. He knows he wouldn't be able to say no. You nod almost sadly to yourself and get up, pulling your pyjama pants on before climbing up to the window.

"What are you doing?" He asks as he turns, seeing you go to the window instead of the door as you climb up onto the ledge.

"Uhm, you said to leave. See you at school." You reply snarkily, and before he says anything else, you're gone.

After attending another funeral for a boy JJ hardly knew and then one for a girl he also hardly knew, with new information knowing that his best friend was the one doing this, he couldn't just sit on it. He had to do something, he had to figure out what was wrong with you. He started with something he never did; reading.

He concluded after weeks of reading, that you're possessed. More specifically, by a succubus; and he's going to have to kill you. A blade to the heart when you're at your weakest. Even though he hasn't spoken to you since you left his room that night, he doesn't know if he can do it. But he certainly can't sit and watch while you kill every boy or girl in your school and eat them for brunch.

His breakup with Kie was hard- but she didn't believe him. He could see it in her eyes when he tried to explain that she thought he was crazy- that he needed help. To Kie, of course he would ditch their plans to go to the dance together just to "watch" you. She should have known that he was always going to choose you.

As she walks to the spring formal all alone, her lavender dress swaying in the breeze, she's startled by the sound of a bird flapping its wings not far away. When she turns back around, she's faced with you. "Kie, didn't you hear me calling your name?" You ask, ignoring how startled she already seems.

"You weren't." Kie looks you over. Under your makeup your eyes are sunken, you look tired and thin- despite any attempts made to cover it up.

"Yes I was." You insist.

"I-I couldn't hear it." She stutters, uneasy with the interaction already.

"Listen, I need to talk to you about you-know-who." You say, wringing your hands in front of you as if you're nervous. "Our little J-Bug."

Kie nods a little. While she's never been your biggest fan, it seems that you do have his best interest at heart. You're worried about him too. You grab her hand and lead her off towards the old pool building so you can talk somewhere more private.

"He's been... acting a little off." Kie says as you head up towards a wooded area.

You sigh, stopping and turning to face her. "Look, I think I know what's wrong with him."

"What? What is it?"

"You know how JJ has been really upset since Sophie Mally died?" You say, dropping her hand. Kie nods, looking confused. "Well, it's not just because she was like, brutally murdered and stuff." You hesitate, bringing a hand up to your head. "I don't want to say this, I-"

"Just say it." Kie insists, already battling with what she knew you were about to say.

"JJ and Sophie were intimate." You say, suddenly showing no hesitation. "And by that, I mean they were porking on a semi-regular basis." Any empathy in your tone and face was long gone, Kie could see that, but it looked like you were trying.

She just shakes her head a little, avoiding looking at you. It's not entirely beyond the realm of possibility that he was cheating, and hearing someone you're close with get murdered could cause a mental break like the one he was clearly having. She just expected that if he was ever to cheat, that it would have been with you. She didn't want to believe it, though.

"Trust me, they were doing things you've never even heard of. Total varsity moves." You add when she doesn't reply.

"Okay, Y/N! I get it!" She snaps, surprisingly making you smile.

"I just, you know- I can't believe he would mess with you like that. I told him it was wrong, that he shouldn't do that to you but I was totally caught in the middle. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner... I was just scared, I guess." You explain, smile faltering towards the end. "I didn't want to hurt him, but I see now how it could hurt you more. I didn't want anyone to get hurt. Truly. I care about you both so deeply."

Kie chews on her lip as she listens. If you were in her shoes, it would be really hard. She understands why you wouldn't tell her, even if she needed to know.

"I care about you so much, Kie." You add, grasping her hand again. "More than I have ever had the guts to admit."

You step closer, running your hand up her arm now. "JJ didn't deserve a girl like you."

As JJ stands inside the gym, basking in the sickening irony of Low Shoulder agreeing to play at their formal, he faces the nerves that he hasn't seen you yet. Thankfully, he also hasn't seen Kie, who he begged not to come. She was stubborn, like you, so he expected his ex to show up anyways just to spite him.

As he lifts the plastic cup of punch up to his lips, he gets a shiver that reverberates through all his bones like he just jumped in a frozen lake. Kie. Your voice echoes in his mind, and suddenly it's no wonder he hadn't seen either of you there.

He rushes out of the building following only his gut instinct- like when he got on his bike all those weeks ago. His intuition will take him to you.

By the time he runs away from the school, through the forested area and up to the pool house, he can hear Kie screaming for help. He rushes in through a window, stumbling over the overgrown vines and his eyes land on you and Kie in the dirty pool. "Kie!" He shouts, making only brief eye contact with her before you turn from where you had your back to him. Your jaw looked almost unhinged- and there were those fangs again, this time covered in the blood of his ex girlfriend while the colour drains from her skin.

He dives in without another thought, attempting to pull you off of her, shoving you away as quickly as he can. Under the water you see the two of them- JJ between Kie and you. You can't hurt him. You just can't.  They scramble to get out of the water and you find yourself levitating out instead- it's more graceful, that way. Kie should be embarrassed, you think- suppressing the urge to laugh at her as they struggle.

"She can fly?" Kie coughs out, blood pouring from the puncture wounds in her neck now.

"I guess!" JJ replies, just as your feet land on the ground. "Y/N- this is insane! You can't keep killing people!"

"God, you just don't get it." You scoff, crossing your arms.

"No, I do. I do, I know what's going on with you." He insists, still standing between you and Kie.

You shake your head, rolling your eyes at him. "God, J-Bug, don't you care about me at all? If you know everything about me like you say you do, you should know I have to do this."

"You don't! If you were the Y/N I knew you would have killed yourself to avoid this." JJ says, and the air gets thick. "You were never a good friend to me! When we were little you broke my toys, poured juice in my shoes, not to mention all the weed you never paid me a dime for, but you would never do this."

"And now I'm eating your girlfriend." You scowl. "See? At least I'm consistent."

"Why do you need her?" He asks, dirty water dripping from his hair and down his face and neck. "You could have anybody that you want, Y/N. So... why Kie?"

"Ugh, god. Boys are so dumb sometimes." You chuckle to yourself. "You know why."

JJ's chest is heaving as he takes in your appearance. You look nothing like you used to.

"You're actually gonna make me say it?" You laugh, Kie jumping a little where she's sitting on the ground behind him, startled by the loud noise. "Because you're my boyfriend. I have loved you for years in a way no one else ever has. A way no one else ever will."

"Do you mean that?" JJ mutters.

"JJ!" Kie gasps, shocked that he would even consider believing this crap.

"Every word, babe." You smile softly, nodding as you step closer to him.

"JJ, come on! You can't be buying this!" Kie cries out.

"I mean it, I swear." You say again, attempting to drown her out as you place a hand on his cheek. He flinches only slightly before leaning into your touch. "I pinky promise."

For the first time in months, you were being real- you had the energy to be yourself, despite the fact that you were starving. You couldn't live a life like this without him, and you wouldn't leave him behind.

"Come with me." You whisper, leaning closer. "We can be perfect together, J."

He glanced briefly down at Kie, who no longer has the energy to protest.

"Don't you love me?" You ask, jutting your lip out in a familiar pout and you tilt your head.

"I.. I do, yeah." He nods, his voice barely above a whisper.

"This will only be a pinch, J-Bug." You smirk, kissing him briefly, softly, before moving quickly down to his shoulder and biting down on his soft skin. He cries out until you pull away, a small smile forming on your blood stained lips.

You've never looked more beautiful to him.

taglist: @outerbankszn, @wh0reforbucknasty, @enamoredofbella, @maybankspov, @always-reading, @casualsludgeshoetoad, @sagcas-latte, @taurusvic, @madelynie, @whore-4-drewstarkey, @slut4drudy, @winterrrnight, @totalswag, @sadfury, @peachprairie, @dilvcv, @justtrying2getby, @maybaenk, @chenslucy, @hxnnah-397, @s-we-e-t-t-ea, @ragingsammie, @ietss @maybankslover, @redhead1180, @lovelyxtommy

[bitegore]

@cleverthylacine re: this post and particularly the bit about reparative readings

(I think we're getting off topic and wanted to avoid clogging OP's feed lol)

I think there's a tendency toward what I can really only describe as call-to-action-to-Fix-Fandom attitudes when it comes to discussing any kind of -isms in fandom when, like. in my view it doesn't actually do anyone any good. Fandom is very big and people are small and largely the biases in society will be reflected in fandom no matter what we as individuals are up to, especially if we're up in arms because of A Post (fleeting, unserious motivation). I prefer to look at common forms of fannish misogyny where it crops up in my own behavior as an indicator of actual attitudes rather than some sort of checklist of Things To Fix In My Fannish Output. I care way, way more about treating the actual women in my life with respect and care than I do about the female fictional characters I think are fun to write about, you know?

So I like really don't trouble myself over whether or not I'm trying half as hard to read into female fictional characters as their make counterparts, I'm with you on that. Fandom is full of people who are enjoying their fictional women because they like them and not out of some misplaced sense of obligation. When I start doing fic and art with female characters it's because I like the characters, not because I'm compensating. But I like having discrepancies pointed out because it helps me set my barometer for what I might be fucking up with my actual friends and acquaintances in real life, which I think is a lot more important and generally relevant to my life anyway.

This is a lot of words to say 'i'm with you' - not only do i think no one should be obligated to do reparative readings on female characters just because it 'evens it out' or w/e, but honestly I think it's an active distraction from the part of the problem worth caring about, which is that it shows a bias in thinking.

I don't really know. As much as I enjoy fandom and it's a big part of my life, I'm pretty intimately aware it's not that important on the grand scale of things. And as much as I enjoy fiction, i'm of the impression that it reveals more about us than we think it does, so even if you do everything on the list to Eradicate All Traces Of Misogyny, the misogyny will keep sneaking back in until you just... are not writing women with misogyny in your heart and mind. It's a barometer for personal improvement more than anything else, the way I look at things. And certainly in concept but I'd like to also hope in reality, I like having the knowledge toward where I can try to be better instead of flying blind. If I stop being misogynistic, then my fic will be less misogynistic too, but like, I have so many better reasons to not want to be misogynistic!

I also think pressuring people to change the things they have fun with for the sake of Not Being a Bigot (prescriptive, & according to my handy-dandy list which I will hand down from on high...) tends to piss me specifically off, and I like to live by a standard of "not enough significant statistical variance from the mean exists in me to consider this a wholly unique behavior or attitude" so I would also assume that other people feel much the same way. So i also don't like to treat any "xyz is misogynistic" as a hard fast rule anyway, because then I'll get mad and start doing it out of spite while also aiming to make it not misogynistic somehow, which might spawn ideas but doesn't really do me or anyone else any good anyway. (That's definitely not a universal issue and i wouldn't be shocked if there are people who badly want the list because it makes them feel more comfortable writing or something; good for them, we're in totally different categories vis a vis fannish bigotry and how we can work on not doing it and the approaches we take will have to reflect that.)

I had one other thing but I think I forgot it. Uhhh something something it's harder to do reparative readings to compensate for misogynistic writing than it is to do it for flat writing with male characters because a lot of the time it either requires you to work with stereotypes you don't like or to outright dismiss elements of characterization and many of us don't want to do either, when background whiteguys tend to just have a handful of extremely neutral traits and nothing else; this is also part of why it can be hard to do the same for characters of color or characters that are clearly meant to be homophobic stereotypes or whatever, I won't fault anyone for not wanting to put their hands in that. nWFC Elita is a pretty good example of that, honestly - I don't remember a lot about the show because I didn't like it and i watched it one time several years ago lol, but I remember walking away with the impression we were supposed to think of her as Optimus's nagging wife, and annoying and overly negative, even though she was right on all counts every fucking time. I'm not writing nWFC-continuity fic because i have absolutely no interest in doing so, and I don't particularly want to carry that characterization over to any other continuity because - why would I? I like Elita-1 better in basically everything else, and she is broadly always Pretty Damn Competent (at least in theory). But in nWFC i can square the circle by comparing her cynicism to, like, Ratchet, who is equally convinced Optimus is making all the wrong moves. Suddenly she doesn't have to be the annoying nag, she's the last lone voice of real legitimate pushback in Autobot HQ, which has been bleeding dissenters as they're ignored, or whatever. And honestly I do like that. But contrast it with, uhhhh... trying to pick a random character here idk it's cheating if i pick bayverse characters... idk let me pick on IDW. If you want to work with the female character from All Hail Megatron, whose name I can't remember but who I genuinely liked, you have to deal with the fact that she falls head over heels for Spike fucking Witwicky right after meeting him and that her job is largely to deliver motivational speeches to the more important male background characters whose names I also can't remember. You absolutely can read depth into her, and I do because I think it's interesting that there's a character who lives through a horrifically traumatic upending of her life and then realizes that the only way everyone will survive is to stick together and immediately makes it her job to make sure they do, but, like, "woman exists as footstool for man's power & place in the plot" is one of the oldest misogynistic tropes in the book. I wouldn't blame literally anyone for not wanting to work around that, and it's... literally her entire role in the plot, so it's also really fucking hard to try and read out or compensate for. I genuinely do not think she even speaks to another woman in the entire comic. I think my point got muddied in the miles of examples; my thinking is that at the end of the day no one is getting paid for this and I don't think it's really an even playing field between male and female characters to reparatively-read-into anyway.

Last final thing is that the tropes that interest me in a character don't often tend to be done in female characters or when they're approached they take on distinctly misogynistic overtones. i really like characters who talk a big game, brag often, are deeply vain, and are not actually half as good as they claim they are... "woman thinks she has skills and is really good at things, but is Put In Her Place by a Man" is also one of my least favorite tropes ever. It's hard to work around that. There's just not much you can do when an entire concept has been all but poisoned for you.

inb4 "he said its ok to be a misogynist!" he said its important to focus on real life & fixing your heart first instead of hoping other people will tell you what not to write to look like you're not a misogynist ^-^

[mageofseven]

"I Wish You Were the Father..." Part 1

I see this post as a sort of continuation of this post, but it's not necessary to read that one in order to enjoy it.

Basically, MC got knocked up by another human in her realm before being brought to the Devildom for the exchange program.

She was overwhelmed so she didn't tell anyone. She died and was resurrected by Barb like before, but so was her child.

All of the Boys know and have been taking care of her.

In this post, she will bond with one of the three older brothers, say the quote above, and fall in love with them.

The other brothers and the rest of the Boys will come in other parts.

So I hope you enjoy~

•▪︎▪︎◇°●♡●°◇▪︎▪︎•

Lucifer:

Lucifer has been hovering over the woman as much as possible since That Night™️

After what happened, after what she did for his family...well, taking care of her and her child wasn't even the least he should do.

The human has been nothing but depressed and jumpy since her death, something the oldest couldn't blame her for in the slightest.

Lucifer had hoped bringing her some stability would help making her feel more safe and relaxed; the pride demon wasn't the best at comforting others so he simply used what skills he did have for the pregnant woman

And MC appreciated it; Lucifer really did have a way of making her safe and cared for.

At the same time, the more care she received from him and the other guys, the more guilt she felt.

Yes, that Night™️ she and her baby went through a lot, but still; MC was very much the type of person who helped others and wasn't used to the other way around.

One day, Lucifer came back from his meeting with Diavolo with MC's favorite food, a meal he picked up on the way home.

He pulled out her chair and had her sit down at the table before taking a seat next to her.

"How have you been feeling today?" He asked softly.

MC stared down at her food as she wrapped her arms around her belly.

"Fine..." She mumbled.

"You don't sound 'fine'." He gave a small huff. "Please...just talk about it with me."

"You've treated me so well...treated us so well," She gave her belly a light squeeze as she embraced it. "But...I don't feel like I deserve it."

"MC..." The man could only stare for a moment. How could she say that? "You risked the life of yourself and your child just to save my family from our pain and dysfunction."

"And I'd do it again." She spoke softly. "But...all of the care you're giving me...it makes me feel things I shouldn't."

"What do you mean?" Lucifer raised his gloved hand to wipe away the tear that fell down her cheeks.

MC shook her head before staring down at her belly.

"I wish you could love me...but you could never love me like this." MC hugged her belly tighter. "I wish you were the father...I wish my baby had a dad that actually loved and cared about us..."

The pride demon stared at the human, dark eyes wide as he processed her words and watched tears fall down to her hands and belly.

The man reached out his hand to her cheek and gently guided the woman to meet his gaze.

"Then how about I be just that?" He spoke softly. "Being a parent is not defined by genetics after all."

The human stared up at him in shock, frozen mid breath.

"I...Lucifer..."

The man slowly leaned in, giving the woman time to reject if she preferred to, before pressing his lips to hers.

MC leaned into him during the sweet kiss and even laid a hand on the side of his neck before they pulled away

And when they did, the pride demon saw the woman's eyes beam with so much happiness and love through her tears.

"I love you." He told her. "I...did not want to reveal my feelings for you originally because I was afraid of overwhelming you when you were already going through a difficult time; if I knew you felt the same...I would have confessed sooner."

Suddenly, MC's smiled fell.

"Are...I mean...are you sure about this?" She asked. "I--we're human--"

"And you have shown all of us how strong and beautiful humanity can be." He insisted. "Being human is not a flaw of you or this child; it's a strength of you both as people."

To make another attempt at parenthood when he did so poorly with Satan...it was daunting to the pride demon

However, he loved this woman and her child with every ounce of his soul.

He was going to give them his everything and make sure both mother and child want for naught.

He will take care of both of them for however long this life gives him theirs.

Mammon:

Another man who hovered over her, only he wasn't the least bit subtle about it

Nor did he ever truly doubt it, but did always shoot back how the human needs the Great Mammon to take care of her

And she did. All of the greed demon's care and company really did wonders for the mother and baby.

The two were laying in bed, MC curled up into Mammon's chest.

The two weren't a couple, but anyone who saw the two laying together and embracing the other so intimately would assume such.

Honestly...Mammon and MC didn't know what they were anymore; both held strong feelings for the other, but neither were brave enough to speak them aloud.

Mammon was worried about pushing his feelings on the woman who already went to hell and back for his family, metaphorically speaking, and didn't want to risk stressing MC out while she was pregnant and dealing with complicated stuff.

MC didn't want to tell Mammon her feelings for him because she didn't believe this wonderful man could truly love her, not when she is carrying another man's baby.

The demon realized she was crying before she did when he felt a tear land on his chest.

"'Ey what's that about, huh?" His gaze met the human's.

In truth, the man has grown used to her tears. They used to make him freak out and believe he did something wrong

But with the woman's hormones flaring and their general feelings about the situation, he grew to understand that it was usually not his fault and that helped him stay calm for her.

"Nothing..." She mumbled.

"It don't look like nothin'." Mammon tighten their embrace. "You might as well tell me and save us both the time."

"Does it...bother you that I'm pregnant?"

How was he supposed to answer that??

"I...look, it pisses me off that that d-bag knocked you up and left you to deal with the consequences, but I have nothin' against your kid."

"But..." The woman shook her head. "Nevermind..."

"Human...just spit it out, okay?" He said in a low voice. "The Great Mammon won't judge ya; you know I won't."

"I just..." The human sighed. "Mammon, do you still have feelings for me?"

The demon's face went red.

"W-Whatcha talkin' about all a sudden??"

Everyone knew Mammon had a crush on MC, even the human herself

However, the woman was worried those feelings died the minute he discovered her baby.

The woman sniffled before hiding her face in his chest.

Devil, the man was so tense. How was he supposed to handle this???

"I wish you were my baby's dad..." She cried into his chest.

Holy--did she really say that??

It took a minute for the man to process her words

But once he did, Mammon laid a hand on her belly and pressed a kiss to her head.

"I...Mammon?" The woman raised her head in surprise.

"I-If that's whatcha you want me to be then that's what Imma do."

"You don't have to..."

Mammon stared at her with a serious look, but the blush still on his cheeks.

"Ya ask me if I still have feelin's for ya...the answer is always yes." He told her. "And the truth is, I want that kid to be mine and I want us all to just be happy."

The woman stared in disbelief as Mammon leaned in for kiss and rubbed her belly.

"For now on, yer my girl and that's our kid and we don't have to think about that human asshole, got it?"

MC smiled before nodding and leaning in for another kiss.

Everything is gonna be okay now; the woman just knew it.

Leviathan:

This man and his room was her safe place, just as always.

Despite how awkward Levi was about her pregnancy and ever expending belly, he still cared about his Henry and did what little he felt he could do for her.

Often, the pregnant woman would get overwhelmed and choose to hide in the room with the third brother.

Today is one of those days.

MC was taking a nap while Levi played games with the TV muted, trying to make as little noise as possible for her.

This was both so the woman could sleep undisturbed and so he could listen for if she woke up and needed something from him.

"Le...vi..."

"Y-Yeah?" The man quickly paused his game before turning to his Henry

Only to see her still asleep.

Levi blushed.

Did she....say his name in her sleep???

The envy demon set down his control and crawled over to the bed.

He watched the woman sleep, an action he knew would probably be seen as creepy, but he just wanted to see if she'd say his name again

...plus her sleeping face is really cute 😳

"mmmm...mhmm..."

He listened intently, growing more self conscious by the second

Surely the first time was a fluke and he was being a creepy otaku and this would only upset MC if--

"L...evi...Levi...I love you."

The man tried covering his mouth to muffle his yelp of surprise

But it was too late. The woman's eyes fluttered open and stared at him lovingly, brain still in a sleepy haze.

"Hey..." She gave a soft, sleepy smile.

What was he supposed to say???? After what he just heard especially!!!

It took a couple more seconds for the human's brain to reboot and when she did, her face was just as red as Levi.

The two stared at each other for a moment before MC hid her face in his pillow.

Great, now he made her uncomfortable!!! Gah Levi felt like the worst--

"Levi?" The woman poked an eye out from her hiding spot. "Could...could you lay with me for a bit?"

The two used to lay together a lot before...all of this.

Since he and the others found out about her pregnancy though, the demon couldn't even brush against her arm without jumping out of his skin, let alone lay with her in bed.

MC thought he resented her for being pregnant with another man's baby. No, they weren't together, but she knew she was someone important to him and he wasn't the Avatar of Envy for nothing.

In truth...she was right, at least partially. The more her belly grew, the more awkward and uncomfortable he became.

He also didn't like the thoughts that came into his head.

Levi...has had feelings for her for a while now so...when he discovered she was pregnant...

He was just so jealous.

That stupid human normie was able to date MC of all people?? That dude had that kind of luck yet he still threw her away the moment he found out she was pregnant.

It drove him insane and made him wish that...this baby was his.

Never has Levi really ever thought much about being a dad, but when the person he loved ended up getting pregnant by some shitty guy, it unlocked something in him, something he didn't fully understand

But in this moment, after hearing her declare her love for him in her sleep and now shyly asking for him to lay with her like he used to...the man couldn't say no.

Levi nodded and slowly joined his Henry in bed, laying his head on her chest like he used to

And man, did it feel just like the old days.

The warm, softness of her chest and arms around him, MC playing with his hair with such tenderness...

However, he could hear her heart beating fast, faster than a person who was just sleeping would usually beat and it worried the man

"H-Henry? Are you okay?"

The woman tightened her embrace.

"I don't know..." She said softly. "I just need to hug you for a while. Is that okay?"

Levi nodded in her arms

"S-Sure..."

The two laid together for awhile, causing the demon to eventually relax in her arms

...till his hand slid and accidentally brushed against her belly, causing the man to flinch away like he touched a hot stove.

Bad move, Levi...

"Do you really hate my baby that much?"

"N-No!!!" The man clung to her even tighter in apology. "I-I just...I--"

"I'm sorry." MC started to tear up. "I'm sorry I'm carrying another guy's baby...but please stop pulling away from me."

Stupid!!! Levi should have knew his awkwardness would hurt her, but he didn't know how else to deal with all of this

And now boy was panicking.

"I didn't mean--I'm sorry!!! I just love you and couldn't handle that jerk--"

"Levi?" The tearful woman stared at him, eyes wide.

That's when he realized what he said and started to backpedal.

"I-no! I mean, yes but I--you said it first in your sleep so I just--"

"I did what???" The human's face was redder than Levi's, causing the man to feel the need to speak up a bit more.

"It's fine." He told her. "I...I love you too and I have for a long time."

"Levi..." The woman's chest start to heave up and down unsteadily as her body prepared for some big tears.

The woman squeezed him tightly and cried into his hair.

"I love you..." She sniffled. "I wish this baby was yours...why can't it be yours..."

The envy demon couldn't believe what he was hearing; she was saying all the things he has wanted to hear for so long.

"It...It can be." He blurted out.

MC lifted her head to look down at him.

"Levi--"

"I can be their dad." He offered, nervous. "I...I don't know what I'm doing, but I'll figure it out and try to be a good dad."

"Do...do you mean that?"

"Yes..."

Levi couldn't help it; without much thought, he readjusted himself so he could kiss her.

When he realized what he was doing, he tried to break the kiss, but MC laid both hands on the sides of his face, gently asking him not to pull away

And he'll never pull away; never again.

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 09/05/2024

A Balcony atop the Labyrinth of Lights

Season 8 No Album Release (Read More)

Ripped by Emm Bee Sea

Requested by Fezaki! (Request Form)

Remember back on guess what​?​?​?​?​?​?​?​?, when I talked about a "secret" recurring gag on the SiIvaGunner channel that I'd been completely oblivious to for the longest time? We're talking about another one of those today - only now, its one that I actually have noticed and been decently familiar with. On almost every April 4th since 2021, a certain Mori Calliope's birthday has been celebrated with a small bevvy of rips made in her honor. Funny enough, I've known of this joke since it started despite having no real attachment to Calliope or her music - but the rips themselves have been consistently good enough for me to always remember to check in on the channel on April 4th every year. It would seem as if my efforts paid off in spades this year: A Balcony atop the Labyrinth of Lights, more than celebrating Calliope, doubles as a surprise celebration of SiIvaGunner itself, making it an incredibly rewarding and heartwarming listen to long-time fans like myself.

Which is oddly fitting, when you think about it: I learned in reading up for this post that Mori has been an open fan of the SiIvaGunner channel since a long time ago, and has referenced it openly from time to time. 2022's event for her was notable enough to get a page on the Wiki, and through this she eventually learned of the event's existence in 2023 and was overjoyed seeing all the rips made for it. I've made it clear before that I don't really follow the VTuber scene at all in posts like Shiny Smily TALE, but that mutual love between channels is just so fun to see from a distance - especially given that Morio's original music just so happens to work really well within rips. Given that distance from her channel, end of a life wasn't a tune I'd really heard before tuning in to A Balcony atop the Labyrinth of Lights in particular, but it struck a chord with me that I genuinely wasn't expecting it to. I hate to say it - but it was like a repeat of the exact same feelings I had upon discovering Logan Paul's Shop - only now even moreso, given that it was from an artist I already knew had some genuine merit.

Because yeah, end of a life is a fantastic tune. It's a rather melancholy, reflective piece, where Mori reflects on how many things she's been through in life, her friendships, her opportunities, what she's grateful for, all that which led her to where she is now. That's befitting enough to be used for Balcony - a theme I've already spilled far too much love over back on Balcon Fusion Collab, but one that to summarize also hits those very same thematic beats within Cave Story itself. So that's a slam dunk of a rip concept right out the gate! But if there's anyone who I know knows her SiIvaGunner lore, it would be Emm Bee Sea, someone I've been seeing in the comment sections to just about half of the channel's uploads since way back in Season 2 - and one who's not shy to express her affection for what she loves through rips like Staff Roll (SM64) Fusion. And indeed, through that knowledge, through that love for the channel's life, Emm Bee Sea was able to turn A Balcony atop the Labyrinth of Lights into a celebration of Balcony not just as a theme, but of its eight years worth of rips throughout SiIvaGunner's life.

It might not shock you to learn that Balcony Cruise was not the first rip of the song to be featured on the channel. Cave Story as a game is immensely popular for its music, how much it resonates with the exact kind of person who would also grow attached to SiIvaGunner - hell, Quote as a character in the King for Another Day Tournament was added specifically due to winning the MAGFest 2019 character ballot in vote popularity. And as the chorus begins in A Balcony atop the Labyrinth of Lights, as Mori's vocals continue leading the melody of end of a life forward, keen-eared viewers will identify the melodies being played by Balcony's original lead instrument in the background - The Flintstones theme from Balcony - Cave Story, music by clipping. from balcony., Subwoofer Lullaby from Moog Island...its all remarkably understated, never taking attention away from the central focus of the rip, never turning it into another Fusion Collab. Yet I find that it plays to the theming of end of a life, and to the theming of small-scale celebration of the day as a whole, so beautifully. Not everyone who follows SiIvaGunner cares all that much about this VTuber girl - I myself am far out of my depth there - yet, for those who care to listen in, there's an unmistakable beating heart to A Balcony atop the Labyrinth of Lights that makes listening an absolutely magical experience.

On a personal note...It's easy for me to worry sometimes, having ran this blog for so long, with so many words spilled on the most minute details, that I'm more invested in this whole thing than I should be. I still regularly meet people confused over how this channel could even HAVE "seasons", befuddled as to what there is to be taken seriously in its storytelling let alone that it has theming, and most importantly, unable to see the channel's beating heart of creativity as anything more than a tired running joke. I'm not going to act all superior over other people not "getting it", I know full well that SiIvaGunner is not a channel for everyone. But that's part of what makes getting rips like A Balcony atop the Labyrinth of Lights feel so unbelievably reassuring - to see such unfiltered and pure expressions of love toward not just the entire SiIvaGunner channel, but toward a creator with just as loyal and undying of a fanbase, toward yet another part of the internet many simply "don't get". That the kind of love that I needlessly worry about being too open about is not just allowed to exist, but allowed to flourish, blossom, into something this beautiful. It's the kind of reminder I keep getting from the SiIvaGunner channel at a regular basis, and the kind that'll keep me coming back to this blog through thick and thin.

♫ We were singing at the top of our lungs to the numbness ♫ ♫ This city never died... ♫