#if any actual practicing christians see this and find it blasphemous | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yamayuandadu · 4 years ago

Text

The Two (or more) Ishtars or A Certain Scandalous Easter Claim Proved to be The Worship of Reverend Alexander Hislop

Once upon a time the official facebook page of Richard Dawkins' foundation posted a graphic according to which the holiday of Easter is just a rebranded celebration of the Mesopotamian mythology superstar Ishtar, arguing that the evidence is contained in its very name. As everyone knows, Dawkins is an online talking head notable for discussing his non-belief in such an euphoric way that it might turn off even the most staunch secularists and for appearing in some reasonably funny memes about half a decade ago. Bizarrely enough, however, the same claim can be often found among the crowds dedicated to crystal healing, Robert Graves' mythology fanfiction, indigo children and similar dubiously esoteric content. What's yet more surprising is that once in a while it shows up among a certain subset of fundamentalist Christians, chiefly the types who believe giants are real (and, of course, satanic), the world is ruled by a secret group of Moloch worshipers and fossils were planted by the devil to led the sheeple astray from the truth about earth being 6000 years old, tops. Of course, to anyone even just vaguely familiar with Christianity whose primary language isn't English this claim rightfully seems completely baffling – after all it's evident in most languages that the name of the holiday celebrating Jesus' resurrection, and many associated customs, are derived from the earlier Jewish Pascha (Passover) which has nothing to do with Ishtar other than having its origin in the Middle East. Why would the purported association only be evident in English and not in Aramaic, Greek, Latin, Spanish, virtually any language other than English and its close relatives – languages which generally didn't have anything to do with Mesopotamia or early christianity? Read on to find out what sort of sources let this eclectic selection of characters arrive to the same baffling conclusion, why are they hilariously wrong, and – most importantly – where you can actually find a variety of Ishtars (or at least reasonably Ishtar-like figures) under different names instead.

The story of baffling Easter claims begins in Scotland in the 19th century. A core activity of theologians in many faiths through history was (and sometimes still is) finding alleged proof of purported “idolatry” or other “impure” practices among ideological opponents, even these from within the same religion – and a certain Presbyterian minister, Alexander Hislop, was no stranger to this traditional pastime. Like many Protestants in this period, he had an axe to grind with the catholic church - though not for the reasons many people are not particularly fond of this institution nowadays. What Hislop wanted to prove was much more esoteric – he believed that it's the Babylon known from the Book of Revelations. Complete with the beast with seven heads, blasphemous names and other such paraphernalia, of course. This wasn't a new claim – catholicism was equated with the New Testament Babylon for as long as Protestantism was a thing (and earlier catholicism itself regarded other religions as representing it). What set Hislop apart from dozens of other similar attempts like that was that he fancied himself a scholar of history and relied on the brand new accounts of excavations in what was once the core sphere of influence of the Assyrian empire (present day Iraq and Syria), supplemented by various Greek and Roman classics – though also by his own ideas, generally varying from baseless to completely unhinged. Hislop compiled his claims in the book The Two Babylons or The Papal Worship Proved to be the Worship of Nimrod and His Wife. You can find it on archive.org if you want to torment yourself and read the entire thing – please do not give clicks directly to any fundie sites hosting it though. How does the history of Easter and Ishtar look like according to Hislop? Everything started with Semiramis, who according to his vision was a historical figure and a contemporary of Noah's sons, here also entirely historical. Semiramis is either entirely fictional or a distorted Greek and Roman account of the 9th century BC Assyrian queen Shammuramat, who ruled as a regent for a few years after the death of her husband Shamshi Adad V – an interesting piece of historical trivia, but arguably not really a historical milestone, and by the standards of Mesopotamian history she's hardly a truly ancient figure. Hislop didn't even rely on the primary sources dealing with the legend of Semiramis though, but with their medieval christian interpretations, which cast her in the role of an adulterer first and foremost due to association of ancient Mesopotamia with any and all vices.

Hislop claims that Semiramis was both the Whore of Babylon from the Book of Revelations and the first idolater, instituting worship of herself as a goddess. This goddess, he argues, was Astarte (a combination of two flimsy claims – Roman claim that Semiramis' name means “dove” and now generally distrusted assumption that Phoenician Astarte had the same symbols as Greek Aphrodite) and thus Ishtar, but he also denotes her as a mother goddess – which goes against everything modern research has to say about Ishtar, of course. However, shoddy scholarship relying on few sources was the norm at the time, and Hislop on top of that was driven by religious zeal. In further passages, he identified this “universal mother” with Phrygian Cybele, Greek Rhea and Athena, Egyptian Isis, Taoist Xi Wangmu (sic) and many more, pretty much at random, arguing all of them were aspects of nefarious Semiramis cult which infected all corners of the globe. He believed that she was venerated alongside a son-consort, derived from Semiramis' even more fictional husband Ninus (a mythical founder of Assyria according to Greek authors, absent from any Mesopotamian sources; his name was derived from Nineveh, not from any word for son like Hislop claims), who he identifies with biblical Nimrod (likewise not a historical figure, probably a distorted reflection of the god Ninurta). Note the similarity with certain ideas perpetrated by Frazer's Golden Bough and his later fans like Jung, Graves and many neopagan authors – pseudohistory, regardless of ideological background, has a very small canon of genuinely original claims. Ishtar was finally introduced to Britain by “druids” (note once again the similarity to the baffling integration of random Greek, Egyptian or Mesopotamian deities into Graves-derived systems of fraudulent trivia about “universal mother goddesses” often using an inaccurate version of Celtic myths as framework). This eventually lead to the creation of the holiday of Easter. Pascha doesn't come up in the book at all, as far as I can tell. All of this is basically just buildup for the book's core shocking reveal: catholic veneration of Mary and depictions of Mary with infant Jesus in particular are actually the worship of Semiramis and her son-consort Ninus, and only the truly faithful can reveal this evil purpose of religious art. At least so claims Hislop. This bizarre idea is laughable, but it remains disturbingly persistent – do you remember the Chick Tracts memes from a few years ago, for example? These comics were in part inspired by Hislop's work. Many fundamentalist christian communities appear to hold his confabulations in high esteem up to this day – and many people who by design see themselves as a countercultural opposition to christianity independently gleefully embrace them, seemingly ignorant of their origin. While there are many articles debunking Hislop's claim about Easter, few of them try to show how truly incomprehensibly bad his book is as a whole – hopefully the following examples will be sufficient to illustrate this point: -Zoroaster is connected to Moloch because of the Zoroastrian holy fire - and Moloch is, of course Ninus. Note that while a few Greek authors believed Zoroaster to be the “king of Bactria” mythical accounts presented as a contemporary of Ninus, the two were regarded as enemies – Hislop doesn't even follow the pseudohistory he uses as proof! -Zoroaster is also Tammuz. Tammuz is, of course, yet another aspect of Ninus. -demonic character is ascribed to relics of the historical Buddha; also he's Osiris. And Ninus. -an incredibly racist passage explains why the biblical Nimrod (identified with – you guessed it - Ninus) might be regarded as “ugly and deformed” like Haephestus and thus identical to him (no, it makes no sense in context either) - Hislop thinks he was black (that's not the word he uses, naturally) which to him is the same thing. -Attis is a deification of sin itself -the pope represents Dagon (incorrectly interpreted as a fish god in the 19th century) -Baal and Bel are two unrelated words – this is meant to justify the historicity of the Tower of Babel by asserting it was built by Ninus, who was identical to Bel (in reality a title of Marduk); Bel, according to Hislop, means “the confounder (of languages)” rather than “lord” -the term “cannibal” comes from a made up term for priests of Baal (Ninus) who according to Hislop ate children. In reality it's a Spanish corruption of the endonym of one of the first tribes encountered by the Spanish conquerors in America, and was not a word used in antiquity – also, as I discussed in my Baal post, the worship of Baal did not involve cannibalism. This specific claim of Hislop's is popular with the adherents of prophetic doomsday cult slash wannabe terrorist group QAnon today, and shows up on their “redpilling” graphics. -Ninus was also Cronos; Cronos' name therefore meant “horned one” in reference to Mesopotamian bull/horned crown iconography and many superficially similar gods from all over the world were the same as him - note the similarity to Margaret Murray's obsession with her made up idea of worldwide worship of a “horned god” (later incorporated into Wicca). -Phaeton, Orpheus and Aesculapius are the same figure and analogous to Lucifer (and in turn to Ninus) -giants are real and they're satanists (or were, I think Hislop argues they're dead already). They are (were?) also servants of Ninus. -as an all around charming individual Hislop made sure to include a plethora of comments decrying the practices of various groups at random as digressions while presenting his ridiculous theories – so, while learning about the forbidden history of Easter, one can also learn why the author thinks Yezidi are satanists, for example -last but not least, the very sign of the cross is not truly christian but constitutes the worship of Tammuz, aka Ninus (slowly losing track of how many figures were regarded as one and the same as him by Hislop). Based on the summary above it's safe to say that Hislop's claim is incorrect – and, arguably, malevolent (and as such deserves scrutiny, not further possibilities for spreading). However, this doesn't answer the question where does the name of Easter actually come from? As I noted in the beginning, in English (and also German) it's a bit of an oddity – it actually was derived from a preexisting pagan term, at least if we are to believe the word of the monk Bede, who in the 8th century wrote that the term is a derivative of “Eosturmonath,” eg. “month of Eostre” - according to him a goddess. There are no known inscriptions mentioning such a goddess from the British Isles or beyond, though researchers involved in reconstructing proto-indo-european language assume that “Eostre” would logically be a derivative of the same term as the name of the Greek Eos and of the vedic Ushas, and the Austriahenae goddesses from Roman inscriptions from present day Germany – eg. a word simply referring to dawn, and by extension to a goddess embodying it. This is a sound, well researched theory, so while early medieval chroniclers sometimes cannot be trusted, I see no reason to doubt Bede's account.

While Ushas is a prominent goddess in the Vedas, Eos was rather marginal in Greek religion (see her Theoi entry for details), and it's hard to tell to what degree Bede's Eostre was similar to either of them beyond plausibly being a personification of dawn. Of course, the hypothetical proto-indo-european dawn goddess all of these could be derived from would have next to nothing to do with Ishtar. While the history of the name of Easter (though not the celebration itself) is undeniably interesting, I suppose it lacks the elements which make the fake Ishtar claim a viral hit – the connection is indirect, and an equivalent of the Greek Eos isn't exactly exciting (Eos herself is, let be honest, remembered at best as an obscure part of the Odyssey), while Ishtar is understood by many as “wicked” sex goddess (a simplification, to put it very lightly) which adds a scandalous, sacrilegious dimension to the baffling lie, explaining its appeal to Dawkins' fans, arguably. As demonstrated above, Hislop's theories are false and adapting them for any new context – be it christian, atheist or neopagan – won't change that, but are there any genuine examples of, well, “hidden Ishtars”? If that's the part of the summary which caught your attention, rejoice – there is a plenty of these to be found in Bronze Age texts. I'd go as far as saying that most of ancient middle eastern cultures from that era felt compelled to include an Ishtar ersatz in their pantheons. Due to the popularity of the original Ishtar, she was almost a class of figures rather than a single figure – a situation almost comparable to modern franchising, when you think about it. The following figures can be undeniably regarded as “Ishtar-like” in some capacity or even as outright analogs:

Astarte (or Ashtart, to go with a more accurate transcription of the oldest recorded version of the name) – the most direct counterpart of Ishtar there is: a cognate of her own name. Simply, put Astarte is the “Levantine”equivalent of the “Mesopotamian” Ishtar. In the city of Mari, the names were pretty much used interchangeably, and some god lists equate them, though Astarte had a fair share of distinct traits. In Ugaritic mythology, which forms the core of our understanding of the western Semitic deities, she was a warrior and hunter (though it's possible that in addition to conventional weapons she was also skilled at wielding curses), and was usually grouped with Anat. Both of them were regarded as the allies of Baal, and assist him against his enemies in various myth. They also were envisioned to spend a lot of time together – one ritual calls them upon as a pair from distant lands where they're hunting together, while a fragmentary myth depicts both of them arriving in the household of the head god El and taking pity on Yarikh, the moon god, seemingly treated as a pariah. Astarte's close relation to Baal is illustrated by her epithet, “face of Baal” or “of the name of Baal.” They were often regarde as a couple and even late, Hellenic sources preserve a traditional belief that Astarte and “Adados” (Baal) ruled together as a pair. In some documents from Ugarit concerned with what we would call foreign policy today they were invoked together as the most prominent deities. It's therefore possible that she had some role related to human politics. She was regarded as exceptionally beautiful and some texts favorably describe mortal women's appearance by comparing them to Astarte. In later times she was regarded as a goddess of love, but it's unclear if that was a significant aspect of her in the Bronze Age. It's equally unclear if she shared Ishtar's astral character – in Canaan there were seemingly entirely separate dawn and dusk deities. Despite clamis you might see online, Astarte was not the same as the mother goddess Asherah. In the Baal cycle they actually belong to the opposing camps. Additionally, the names are only superficially similar (one starts with an aleph, the other with an ayin) and have different etymology. Also, that famous sculpture of a very blatantly Minoan potnia theron? Ugaritic in origin but not a depiction of either Astarte or Asherah.

The Egyptians, due to extensive contact with Canaan and various Syrian states in the second half of the Bronze Age, adapted Astarte (and by extension Anat) into their own pantheon. Like in Ugarit, her warrior character was emphasized. An Egyptian innovation was depicting her as a cavalry goddess of sorts – associated with mounted combat and chariots. In Egypt, Ptah, the head god of Memphis and divine craftsman, was regarded as her father. In most texts, Astarte is part of Seth's inner circle of associates – however, in this context Seth wasn't the slayer of Osiris, but a heroic storm god similar to Baal. The so-called Astarte papyrus presents an account of a myth eerily similar to the Ugaritic battle between Baal and Yam – starring Seth as the hero, with Astarte in a supporting role resembling that played by Shaushka, another Ishtar analog, in the Hittite song of Hedammu, which will be discussed below.

Shaushka – a Hurrian and Hittite goddess whose name means “the magnificent one” in the Hurrian language. Hurrian was widely spoken in ancient Mesopotamia and Anatolia (and in northernmost parts of the Levant – up to one fifth of personal names from Ugaritic documents were Hurrian iirc), but has no descendants today and its relation to any extant languages is uncertain. In Hittite texts she was often referred to with an “akkadogram” denoting Ishtar's name (or its Sumerian equivalent) instead of a phonetic spelling of her own (there was an analogous practice regarding the sun gods), while in Egyptian and Syrian texts there are a few references to “Ishtar Hurri” - “Ishtar of the Hurrians” - who is argued by researchers to be one and the same as Shaushka. Despite Shaushka's Hurrian name and her prominence in myths popular both among Hittites and Hurrians, her main cult center was the Assyrian city of Nineveh, associated with Ishtar herself as well, and there were relatively few temples dedicated to her in the core Hittite sphere of influence in Anatolia. Curiously, both the oldest reference to Shaushka and to the city of Nineveh come from the same text, stating that a sheep was sacrificed to her there. While most of her roles overlap with Ishtar's (she too was associated with sex, warfare and fertility), here are two distinct features of Shaushka that set her apart as unique: one is the fact she was perceived in part as a masculine deity, despite being consistently described as a woman – in the famous Yazılıkaya reliefs she appears twice, both among gods and goddesses. In Alalakh she was depicted in outfits combining elements of male and female clothing. Similar fashion preferences were at times attributed to Ninshubur, the attendant of Ishtar's Sumerian forerunner Inanna – though in that case they were likely the result of conflation of Ninshubur with the male messenger deity Papsukkal, while in the case of Shaushka the dual nature seems to be inherent to her (I haven't seen any in depth study of this matter yet, sadly, so I can't really tell confidently which modern term in my opinion describes Shaushka's character the best). Her two attendants, musician goddesses Ninatta and Kulitta, do not share it. Shaushka's other unique niche is her role in exorcisms and incantations, and by extension with curing various diseases – this role outlived her cult itself, as late Assyrian inscriptions still associated the “Ishtar of Nineveh” (at times viewed as separate from the regular Ishtar) with healing. It can be argued that even her sexual aspect was connected to healing, as she was invoked to cure impotence. The most significant myth in which she appears is the cycle dedicated to documenting the storm god's (Teshub for the Hurrians, Tarhunna for the Hittites) rise to power. Shaushka is depicted as his sister and arguably most reliable ally, and plays a prominent role in two sections in particular – the Song of Hedammu and the Song of Ullikummi. In the former, she seemingly comes up with an elaborate plan to defeat a new enemy of her brother - the sea monster Hedammu - by performing a seductive dance and song montage (with her attendants as a support act) and offering an elixir to him. The exact result is uncertain, but Hedammu evidently ends up vanquished. In the latter, she attempts to use the same gambit against yet another new foe, the “diorite man” Ullikummi – however, since he is unfeeling like a rock, she fails; some translators see this passage as comedic. However, elsewhere in the Song, the storm god's main enemy Kumarbi and his minions view Shaushka as a formidable warrior, and in the early installment of the cycle, Song of LAMMA, she seemingly partakes in a fight. In another myth, known only from a few fragments and compared to the Sumerian text “Inanna and the huluppu tree,” Shaushka takes care of “Ḫašarri” - a personification of olive oil, or a sentient olive tree. It seems that she has to protect this bizarre entity from various threats. While Shaushka lived on in Mesopotamia as “Ishtar of Nineveh,” this was far from the only “variant”of Ishtar in her homeland.

Nanaya was another such goddess. A few Sumerian hymns mention her alongside Inanna, the Sumerian equivalent of Ishtar, by the time of Sargon of Akkad virtually impossible to separate from her. As one composition puts it, Nanaya was “properly educated by holy Inana” and “counselled by holy Inana.” Initially she was most likely a part of Inanna's circle of deities in her cult center, Uruk, though due to shared character they eventually blurred together to a large degree. Just like Inanna/Ishtar, Nanaya was a goddess of love, described as beautiful and romantically and sexually active, and she too had an astral character. She was even celebrated during the same holidays as Inanna. Some researchers go as far as suggest Nanaya was only ever Inanna/Ishtar in her astral aspect alone and not a separate goddess. However, there is also evidence of her, Inanna and the sky god An being regarded as a trinity of distinct tutelary deities in Uruk. Additionally, king Melishipak's kudurru shown above shows both Nanaya (seated) and Ishtar/Inanna (as a star). Something peculiar to Nanaya was her later association with the scribe god Nabu. Sometimes Nabu's consort was the the goddess Tashmetu instead, but I can't find any summary explaining potential differences between them – it seems just like Nanaya, she was a goddess of love, including its physical aspects. Regardless of the name used to describe Nabu's wife, she was regarded as a sage and scribe like him – this arguably gives her a distinct identity she lacked in her early role as part of Inanna's circle. As the above examples demonstrate, the popularity of the “Ishtar type” was exceptional in the Bronze Age – but is it odd from a modern perspective? The myths dedicated to her are still quite fun to read today – much like any hero of ancient imagination she has a plethora of adversaries, a complex love life (not to mention many figures not intended to be read as her lovers originally but described in such terms that it's easy to see them this way today – including other women), a penchant for reckless behavior – and most importantly a consistent, easy to summarize character. She shouldn't be a part of modern mass consciousness only because of false 19th century claims detached from her actual character (both these from Hislop's works and “secular”claims about her purported “real”character based on flimsy reasoning and shoddy sources) – isn't a female character who is allowed to act about the same way as male mythical figures do without being condemned for it pretty much what many modern mythology retellings try to create? Further reading: On Astarte: -entry in the Iconography of Deities and Demons in Ancient Near East database by Izak Cornelius -‛Athtart in Late Bronze Age Syrian Texts by Mark S. Smith -ʿAthtartu’s Incantations and the Use of Divine Names as Weapons by Theodore J. Lewis -The Other Version of the Story of the Storm-god’s Combat with the Sea in the Light of Egyptian, Ugaritic, and Hurro-Hittite Texts by Noga Ayali-Darshan -for a summary of evidence that Astarte has nothing to do with Asherah see A Reassessment of Asherah With Further Considerations of the Goddess by Steve A. Wiggins On Shaushka: -Adapting Mesopotamian Myth in Hurro-Hittite Rituals at Hattuša: IŠTAR, the Underworld, and the Legendary Kings by Mary R. Bacharova -Ishtar seduces the Sea-serpent. A new join in the epic of Ḫedammu (KUB 36, 56 + 95) and its meaning for the battle between Baal and Yam in Ugaritic tradition by Meindert Dijkstra -Ištar of Nineveh Reconsidered by Gary Beckman -Shaushka, the Traveling Goddess by Graciela Gestoso Singer -Hittite Myths by Harry A. Hoffner jr. -The Hurritic Myth about Šaušga of Nineveh and Ḫašarri (CTH 776.2) by Meindert Dijkstra -The West Hurian Pantheon and its Background by Alfonso Archi On Nanaya: -entry in Brill’s New Pauly by Thomas Richter -entry from the Ancient Mesopotamian Gods and Goddesses project by Ruth Horry -A tigi to Nanaya for Ishbi-Erra from The Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature -A balbale to Inana as Nanaya from The Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature -More Light on Nanaya by Michael P. Streck and Nathan Wasserman -More on the Nature and History of the Goddess Nanaya by Piotr Steinkeller A few introductory Ishtar/Inanna myths: -Inanna's descent to the netherworld -Inanna and the huluppu tree -Inanna and Enki -Enki and the world order -Inanna and Ebih -Dumuzid and Enkimdu

#mesopotamian mythology #sumerian mythology #inanna #ishtar #astarte

97 notes · View notes

papirouge · 4 years ago

Text

Christian on Tumblr dot com defends witchcraft media and when being called out about this, gets unnecessary defensive and block me. Color me shocked.

Who's on an ”incredibly high horse” to not even stand having their opinion discussed? You.

So witchcraft isn't an "heresy" or "evil" now? Glorifying casting spells, magic powers and shape-shifting isn't rehashing powers from hell? How dabbling in witchcraft isn't "living in sin"? HOW IS ENJOYING ENTERTAINMENT GLORIFYING "FICTIONAL WITCHCRAFT" ANY LESS SERIOUS THAN "FICTIONAL SEX" (PORN)???? You blocked me because you couldn't answer to that question exposing such an obvious hypocrisy.

Both are sins. There aren't double standards with sins. It's just that some Christians, for some reasons that I still don't get, unilaterally decided that witchcraft was somehow less dangerous or sinful than sexual immorality. And yet, sexual immorals and sorcerers are BOTH specifically cited in Revelations as those being shoved down in Hell (it's almost...as if God already knew that at the End times, witchcraft really was going to become a leading stumbling block leading to hell, even for Christians, and felt compelled to remind how sinful WITCHCRAFT was...🤔) - because these sins are equal in their condemnation in the eyes OF GOD. So no, it's not up to us to "determine" anything. Only God's opinion matters, and it's in the Bible - and according to the Bible, witchcraft is "objectively evil".

Why using "fiction" as an excuse to later on contradict yourself and say that fiction isn't the be all and end all of a sound media to consume? So we, wicked creatures, are now entitled to decipher from what's morally wrong or not...when there already are the Scriptures making clear statements about them? This doesn’t make any sense.

Again, some Christians on this website truly act like guru who literally cannot stand having their opinion discussed. The idolatry surrounding Entertainment and the baffling defensiveness some of you display whenever some remote criticism is made against it is astounding.

Not every Christian is gonna accept entertainment glorifying WITCHCRAFT as something unharmful (even based on the fact it's fIcTiOnAl)....Imagine finding this position so controversial you need to block them out of your blog, I-

See, this isn't just about "Harry Potter" at this point ; it's about Christians willingly refusing to see sins where they are, having double standards with sinful acts/practices, and refusing to have even a DISCUSSION to confront their statement with people -politely- disagreeing with them (I wasn't even mean in my reaction, just legitimately pointing out the double standards between sins too many Christians had). They end up in their "Christian club" echo chambers with everyone patting each others on their back without remotely questioning if their statements are scripturally backed up - by the BIBLE, not their 'Christian tumblr pal'..... That's why you end up with Christians unable to acknowledge witchcraft as something "objectively evil" anymore and pulling out all sort of argumentative gymnastics ("it's ficTi0N!!"🤪) to defend this type of heresy, because their reference isn't the Bible, but their flesh.

If you needed any more evidence that not every Christian claiming to be such actually is, this @theleftandbonch dude is clearly a good proof of it. They'll be all cute & 'tumblr funny' 99% of the time (I know cause I followed him until then) yet their true colors come back reaaaal quick whenever their idols are attacked & called out for preaching false teachings.

(btw some of you should really remain stuck rebloging anime, corny meme and answering silly asks because opening your mouths to blaspheme expose yourself to an even stronger Spiritual bewilderment, just saying.)

But what do I know, I'm probably just a self-righteous nasty legalist™ who reads the Bible and knows when to connect the dots? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ LOL

Congratulations on playing yourself dude but I'll always trust the Bible more than any other "Christian" on Tumblr dot com🙃

Revelations 21:18

"But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."

2 Timothy 4:3

For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.

#another day another huge disappointment from christians of tumblr dot com #Christian #blowing the whistle #theleftandbonch

15 notes · View notes

calumcest · 4 years ago

Text

dancing with the demons (holy spirit, holy spirit)

[ao3]

yes its 1am yes i just finished this fic yes i am exhausted yes i currently have an exam i should be doing looks like Helen’s Deadline Season Coping Mechanism is back in full swing

i have to give my everlasting thanks to @ashesonthefloor and @clumsyclifford for their chaotic minds providing me excellent ideas and for always being so supportive of the things i write and motivating me to keep writing and also especially to ainslee for patiently listening to me talk about this for like the past three weeks before i could actually write it

also this VERY very loosely based on christianity but as you will see: VERY. VERY. loosely

“You’re kind of a shitty demon,” he tells Calum, who scowls.

“Fuck you,” he says. “You’re kind of a shitty angel.”

“Oh, dude, I know,” Michael agrees.

Humans, Michael thinks sourly, wouldn’t be nearly as interested in getting to Heaven if they knew Ashton were in there.

He means well, Michael knows that, and he’s just doing his job, but that doesn’t make it any less irritating when Michael gets Summoned twice a week to answer for whatever petty crime he’s committed this time. So sue him, he forgot witchcraft was sacrilege, and forgot that astrology falls under that umbrella, and he’d been amused when he’d seen a lady claiming to be able to tell him what was in store for him next year, and he’d had ten dollars on him. He’s thousands of years old, how the fuck is he supposed to remember every tiny rule? Plus, he thinks, cocking his head, she’d told him that a colleague would present difficulties for him, and the way Ashton’s ranting right now is just vindicating the poor woman.

“...set an example, Michael,” Ashton’s saying, when Michael tunes back in. “You were an archangel. You have to be better.” Michael rolls his eyes.

“Ashton, I swear to God-” Ashton slaps his hand down on the table.

“That’s exactly your fucking problem!” he says furiously, and then tenses as he realises what he’s said. Michael can feel the repentance washing over Ashton, the genuine purity of it, and it makes him wince a little bit. Ashton clears his throat, and tries again. “You can’t be blaspheming like that. You’re an angel, Michael. You have free will, and you know what a double-edged sword that is.” Michael folds his arms, wings ruffling defensively. Ashton’s always so fucking hot on how dangerous free will is, like he’s had some kind of bad experience with it, and Michael doesn’t get it. Ashton’s never stepped more than a centimetre out of line in his entire life.

“I’m loyal to Him,” he says firmly. “He knows that.” Are you questioning Him? remains unspoken, but rings loud in the air between them.

“I know,” Ashton says wearily. “But He did demote you. Again.”

“I mean, I did give the Son an onion disguised as an apple,” Michael points out. Ashton glares at him.

“Are you trying to make this worse for yourself?” he demands, and Michael holds his hands up in defence.

“Not my fault Jesus doesn’t have a sense of humour,” he mutters, under his breath so Ashton can pretend not to have heard it. He still thinks it was hilarious, made even more so by the connotation of original sin. Maybe the fact he hasn’t repented is why He keeps letting Michael get reamed out by Ashton for the smallest fucking things.

“You’re lucky He didn’t count that as a rebellion” Ashton tells him. Michael rolls his eyes.

“What the fuck do you want me to say, Ash?” he says, spreading his hands, ignoring the way Ashton flinches at the curse word. “I’m sorry? I repent? Forgive me Ashton, for I have sinned?” Ashton sighs, but chooses not to comment on the sarcasm.

“I’m assigning you another case,” he says instead, “and you’d better not mess this one up.” Michael groans, and Ashton gives him a sharp look. “You’re always free to leave, Michael. You know that.” Michael tips his head back to stare at the ceiling and lets his eyes flutter shut, shaking his head.

“What is it?” he mumbles. He hears paper sliding across Ashton’s desk, and pinches the bridge of his nose for a minute, inhaling deeply, before forcing his head back forwards to see the file Ashton’s pushed at him.

“A demon,” Ashton says.

“Oh, for fu- for Go- uh, for goodness’ sake,” Michael says hurriedly, when he sees the look Ashton sends his way. “Seriously, Ash? A demon?” Ashton shrugs.

“You want to act like a kid, you get treated like a kid,” he says. Michael exhales heavily, and picks up the file, flicking it open to the first page.

“Calum?” he says sceptically. “What kind of a name for a demon is that?”

“You’d do well to remember who named him,” Ashton reminds him, and Michael rolls his eyes.

“He doesn’t look very threatening,” he remarks, flicking through Calum’s file. “What, a couple of possessions, a few cases of muteness...c’mon, Ash, this is well below my pay grade.”

“Firstly,” Ashton says, in that tone that says I don’t like what you just said at all but I’m going to be the bigger angel here, “you don’t have a pay grade, and secondly, you’ll take what you’re given.”

“I know, but c’mon, this?” Michael says, waving the file in Ashton’s face. “You could deal with this in two minutes, Ashton, why send me after him?” Ashton presses his lips together and looks away, and Michael cocks his head, realisation dawning on him. “Oh, shit. He’s sending me after him.”

“You know I can’t comment on that,” Ashton says, but his wings twitch uncomfortably and he doesn’t even tell Michael off for cursing, so Michael knows he’s right.

“What does He want me to do this for?” Michael asks curiously.

“The Lord moves in a mysterious way,” Ashton says primly, which is his go-to response when he knows the answer but doesn’t want to say it. Michael sits back in his seat heavily, grinning.

“Okay,” he says, nodding. “Yeah. I’ll take the case.” Ashton rolls his eyes.

“You’ll do as He darn well says,” he tells Michael, who grins.

“I’ll do as I damn well please,” he says, and Ashton just sighs in defeat.

-------

The first time Michael finds Calum, he’s loosening lug nuts on car wheels in the dead of night.

He’s knelt on the floor, spanner in his hand, humming something to himself as he works. Michael leans against a car behind him, folding his arms, and watches him for a while, watches the way he bobs his head to the song in his head, taps his fingers on the spanner, grins to himself when the lug nut loosens enough for him to move onto the next one.

“Man, what kind of demon uses a spanner?” Michael comments after a few minutes. Calum spins around, on his feet at the speed of light, eyes black, teeth bared. Michael just gives him a bored look.

“Who are you?” Calum hisses. Michael cocks an eyebrow.

“Don’t recognise me?” he says, and Calum just growls at him. “Damn, how long were you in Heaven? Two minutes?”

“Who the fuck are you?” Calum spits. Michael sighs, pretending he’s not enjoying this as much as he is, and lets his wings unfold, big and pure white behind him. Calum’s eyes widen, still all-black but with an edge of fear, and he takes a step back. Michael tries his best not to smirk.

“You’re not an angel,” Calum says, sounding like he’s trying to reassure himself.

“Aren’t I?” Michael says coolly, tucking his wings back in. They feel a little cramped, but he’s made his point, and it’s cold.

“You said damn,” Calum says, still a little afraid, but also a little confused. Michael shrugs.

“I have free will,” he says. “Perks of being an angel.” Calum stares at him, and his eyes flash back to looking human again. Michael can’t see too well in the poor light, but they’re still dark, maybe a deep brown, and there’s some sort of a spark in them that makes Michael’s stomach flip.

He can see Calum a little better now as his eyes adjust to the dark, can see the black jeans and black leather jacket and thin black t-shirt hugging his muscular physique, can see what looks like tattoos on his hands and collarbones and can’t help but wonder whether there are more to be found.

And yeah, that’s a dangerous train of thought, so he stops himself firmly, allowing himself a sigh. Of course He’s saddled Michael with the hottest demon to walk the realms.

“Whose car is that?” Michael asks, nodding at the car Calum’s been working on. Calum’s eyes linger on him for a moment, like he doesn’t trust that Michael’s not going to attack him the minute he blinks, and then looks over at the wheels.

“Don’t know,” he says.

“You’re trying to fuck with someone you don’t even know?” Calum shrugs, eyes flicking back to Michael.

“Why not?” he says. Michael narrows his eyes.

“You know fucking with humans is, like, bad, right?” he says.

“For you,” Calum says, and there’s a glimmer of wicked amusement behind his dark eyes. Michael swallows. “Don’t know if you’ve heard, but my boss isn’t so hot on all of those kinds of rules.”

“Yeah, I know,” Michael says darkly, because if there’s anyone from Hell Michael’s well-acquainted with, it’s the Devil. Calum, who seems to have now decided that Michael’s had his chance to kill him and hasn’t, casts him one final glance before picking up the spanner, twirling it in his hands (Michael chants a prayer to keep the thoughts about Calum’s fingers at bay), and kneeling at the next wheel.

“Who are you?” Calum asks again.

“Michael,” Michael says, as Calum starts twisting the lug nuts the wrong way, tightening them instead of loosening them. “That’s the wrong way, man.”

“Fuck,” Calum mutters, and starts twisting the other way. Michael cocks his head.

“You’re kind of a shitty demon,” he tells Calum, who scowls.

“Fuck you,” he says. “You’re kind of a shitty angel.”

“Oh, dude, I know,” Michael agrees.

“Aren’t you a fucking archangel? Michael?”

“Used to be,” Michael says. “Got demoted.” Calum snorts.

“Demoted?”

“Yeah,” Michael says, with a sigh. “Big man doesn’t like it when you play practical jokes on the Son.” Calum laughs.

“Yeah, you’re a really shitty angel,” he tells Michael, who bristles slightly.

“Well, I did defeat Satan,” Michael says defensively. Calum grins, all wicked and sharp teeth.

“Yeah, he’s mentioned,” he says, and then leans back from the wheel with a sigh. “Man, would you give me a hand?” Michael cocks his head.

“I’m meant to be stopping you, dude,” he says. Calum rolls his eyes.

“You’re not doing a very good job,” he says. Michael thinks he would do a much better job if Calum weren’t so fucking pretty. That’s kind of unfair, he thinks. It gives Calum an automatic advantage.

“Stop it,” Michael says, and Calum laughs, tilting his head back, and Jesus Christ, Michael wants to mark up his neck. He sends a quick apology prayer to whoever might have heard that thought, and clears his throat. “Seriously, Calum. Stop.”

“Or what?” Calum says, eyes glittering mischievously. “You’ll scowl at me?” Michael cocks his head, and the grin slips off Calum’s face as he starts to choke. He clutches at his throat, looking somewhere between confused and shocked. Michael lets it go on for a few more seconds, relishing the way Calum’s gasping for air, before he lets Calum go. Calum falls back on his heels heavily, a pained expression on his face.

“Stop it,” Michael says simply, and he hears the power in his own voice. Calum winces, head jerking down in a forced bow, and right, yeah, Michael forgot that holy power has that effect on demons.

“Damn,” Calum says, looking up through inky lashes when Michael lets him go, voice hoarse, but eyes twinkling. “Didn’t take you for the kinky sort.” Ashton is going to string Michael up by his wings for the thoughts that follow that sentence.

“Fuck you,” Michael says, scowling, as he sends up yet another apology prayer. Calum cocks an eyebrow, grinning.

“If you’re offering,” he says, rubbing at his throat. Michael sighs to hide the please that’s probably written all over his face.

“Don’t let me catch you again,” he says instead.

“What, you’re not going to kill me?” Calum says, and he sounds a little surprised. Michael frowns at him.

“You want me to?”

“Just thought you would,” Calum says, shrugging. Michael hesitates.

“You’re not really that threatening, dude,” he says eventually. And you’re far too pretty to kill. “I think the world can handle you.” Calum scowls at him, and flips him off with his left hand, picking up the spanner again with his right. Michael wordlessly tightens all the lug nuts again with a surreptitious flick of his wrist.

“See you next time, angel,” Calum says, slotting the spanner onto another lug nut.

“Not if you know what’s good for you, demon,” Michael says, turning away and tipping his head back up to Heaven. He hears a grunt behind him as Calum tugs on the lug nut, and grins to himself.

“Are you fucking kidding me, dude?” Calum cries, and it’s the last thing Michael hears before everything turns white.

-------

The second time Ashton sends Michael after Calum, he finds him in a Starbucks. His leather jacket is hung across the chair behind him, and he’s staring at a guy a few metres away from him with a look of pure concentration on his face. Michael takes a moment to drink it in, because he looks really fucking cute and his biceps are, like, right there - and yeah, Michael was right about there being more tattoos - before sliding into the seat opposite Calum. Calum jumps, tearing his eyes away from the guy to Michael, scowling when he realises who it is.

“Hey,” Michael says nonchalantly, reaching for Calum’s coffee and taking a sip. It’s, like, pure fucking caffeine, and he pulls a face, pushing it back to Calum.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Calum hisses.

“According to my superior, you’re up to no good,” Michael says. “I’m here to stop you.” Calum rolls his eyes.

“You’re no fucking fun,” he says. Michael shrugs, and reaches for Calum’s chocolate muffin. He’s always regretted not planting the idea of chocolate in the minds of humans earlier.

“What were you trying to do?” he says, through a mouthful of muffin.

“Why would I fucking tell you?” Calum says, folding his arms. “You’ll just undo it.” Michael raises an eyebrow, and swallows.

“The guy’s tattoo,” he says. Calum scowls again. “What’d you do to it?”

“It said Lisa,” Calum says sullenly. “Changed it to ‘Lice’.” Michael looks over at the guy’s tattoo again - and yeah, he does actually now have a heart with Lice in it proudly displayed on his arm. Michael can’t help the snort that escapes him. God, would Ashton kill him if he left that one as it is? The answer is almost a hundred percent, but he thinks it might still be worth it.

“That is fucking funny,” Michael agrees.

“Man, how the fuck are you still an angel?” Calum says, and Michael huffs out a laugh, taking another bite out of the muffin. Calum snatches the rest of it out of Michael’s hands.

“This is my fucking muffin,” he says, waving the remnants of it in Michael’s face. Michael shrugs.

“Steal yourself another one,” he says.

“You steal yourself one,” Calum mutters.

“I’m an angel, dude,” Michael says.

“Could’ve fooled me.” Michael rolls his eyes, snapping his fingers as Calum raises the last bit of the muffin to his mouth. The muffin disappears and Calum bites down on thin air, looking confused for a split second before glowering at Michael.

“What the fuck?” he demands. “Why’d you do that? That was a good fucking muffin.” Michael shrugs, grinning.

“For the hell of it,” he says, snapping his fingers again, and the muffin re-materialises in his hand. He throws it in the air, catching it in his mouth, and winks at Calum as he chews. Calum watches him, half in intrigue, half in outrage, mouth slightly open. He’s got such full lips, Michael thinks, and then hastily swallows both the muffin and that train of thought.

“You’re the worst angel I’ve ever met,” Calum says decisively, sinking back in his seat.

“You met many?” Michael asks casually.

“No, but I’m pretty sure you’re the worst they’ve got,” Calum tells him. “I’m going to write a letter of recommendation to get you kicked out of He-” he winces. “Up there.” Michael cocks his head.

“What’d you do to get kicked out?” he asks.

“What do any of us do?” Calum says grumpily. “Exercise our free will.”

“I exercise my free will,” Michael points out.

“Yeah, to fucking swear,” Calum says. “You’re like that kid at school who gets an adrenaline rush from telling someone to shut up.” Michael scowls.

“Fuck you,” he says, and Calum grins wickedly.

“You kiss your Father with that mouth?” he says. Michael flips him off.

“Right, well, this has been fun,” he says, wiping his hands on a napkin as he gets to his feet, “but I’ve got to get going. Stop fucking with humans.”

“Man, you’d be way more fun if you weren’t an angel,” Calum says mournfully.

“I dunno,” Michael says, mock-thoughtfully. “Wouldn’t get to do this then, would I?” He snaps his fingers, just for dramatic effect, and the Lice tattoo on the man’s arm rearranges itself to say Lisa again, and an identical heart with Lice appears on Calum’s bicep. Calum twists his arm around with a look of absolute horror.

“You absolute fucking bastard,” Calum shouts, making at least five people in the Starbucks turn around and give him a sharp look (not that he’ll fucking care).

“Be a good boy, demon,” Michael says, throwing him a grin before heading out into the warm October air.

-------

The first thing Michael’s going to do when He gets over Himself and reinstates Michael as an archangel is have a word with Him about ever giving Ashton Summoning powers.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Michael mutters, using his right wing to rub his head where he’d banged it on impact.

“Are you serious?” Ashton says, hands on his hips. “You come straight into my office and blaspheme?”

“Don’t fucking Summon me with no warning, then,” Michael says, shaking his wings out. Ashton throws him a glare, probably for cursing, possibly for having the gall to respond at all.

“You’re an angel, Michael, you’ll come when you’re called,” he says reprovingly. Michael rolls his eyes, but throws himself down on the chair on the other side of Ashton’s desk heavily.

“What?” he says, with a long-suffering sigh.

“It’s Calum,” Ashton says.

“Again?” Ashton throws him a look.

“You could’ve killed him,” he says pointedly. Michael shrugs, a little uncomfortably. He knows he should have, but something about Calum just draws Michael in, makes it impossible for him to say no.

“He was fucking with tattoos and unscrewing lug nuts, Ash,” he says, a little too defensive. “Not exactly crimes of the millennium.” Ashton scrutinises him for a moment, and then purses his lips.

“Well,” he says primly, “apparently he’s turned up in LA.” Michael can’t help but smile at that, because yeah, LA sounds like exactly the kind of place a demon like Calum would show up. Ashton sees it, and frowns. “Michael, this is a case, you hear me? Calum’s still a demon, no matter how much you want to copulate with him.” Michael scowls. Fucking Ashton, always listening to his prayers.

“No one says fucking copulate anymore,” he snipes, because he can’t exactly deny it. “You’d know if you ever got down off your high horse and visited Earth.” Ashton rolls his eyes.

“I’m pretty busy up here,” he says, gesturing to all the paperwork piled high on his desk.

“I’m telling you, station Pahaliah with Peter at the gates,” Michael says. “You’d cut all this in half.”

“Are you kidding me?” Ashton says. “Pahaliah’s had his work cut out for him since the Enlightenment.” Michael rolls his eyes.

“Alright, Barachiel, then,” he suggests. “He’s a fucking pain in the arse. Might do him some good to do something mundane for a few centuries.”

“I think He has bigger plans for His archangels than guarding the gates,” Ashton says. Michael raises an eyebrow, and Ashton rolls his eyes. “You’re not an archangel anymore, Michael.”

“I am in all but name,” Michael says with a shrug, because He always relents where Michael’s concerned. “This is my, what, twelfth demotion? Thirteenth?”

“This one might stick,” Ashton says warningly, which is what he says every time it happens. His concern is kind of cute, Michael thinks, if unwarranted. Ashton’s never understood Him like Michael does.

“Yeah, yeah,” Michael says dismissively, because he’s not about to have this discussion with Ashton again. “Can I go now?” Ashton frowns at him, which Michael takes as a yes. He lifts himself up from the chair, stretching his wings and arms out, and turns to leave.

“Do not copulate with the demon, Michael,” Ashton says.

“I won’t,” Michael promises, heading for the door. “Might fuck him, though.”

(The force with which Ashton slams him into the wall makes the whole building shake, but it’s absolutely worth it.)

-------

LA is cold in November, which Michael had forgotten. It’s also busy, which means he can’t draw his wings around himself for extra warmth, nor simply teleport himself to the studio Calum’s apparently in. Instead, he has to huddle into himself and elbow his way through the Hollywood crowds, meaning he’s in a pretty bad mood by the time he actually gets to where he needs to be.

Michael distracts the security guard momentarily with a quick wave of his hand, enough for him to slip inside unnoticed. It’s a small studio, only a handful of live rooms, and Michael only has to peek into two before he finds the one Calum’s in.

Calum, clad in his usual all-black get-up, is leaning against the wall of the studio, grinning as he watches the sound engineer frowning, fiddling with a bunch of his controls. Michael can see the shimmer of the glamour he’s cast, and wordlessly casts one of his own as he clicks the door shut behind him. The sound engineer doesn’t even look up, so preoccupied with trying to fix whatever’s going wrong, but Calum hears the sound and whips around, scowling when he sees Michael.

“Do you just, like, have a sixth sense for when there’s some fun occurring that could be stopped?” he asks, and Michael grins at him.

“Just got a sixth sense for shitty demons,” he says, and Calum’s scowl deepens.

“Fuck you,” he says. Michael raises an eyebrow, then casts a look over at the live room on the other side of the glass. There’s a band in there, two girls on guitar, one on bass and one on drums, all frowning at their instruments and fiddling with tuning pegs or tension rods.

“You’re un-tuning their instruments?” he says. “That’s pretty bad, even for you.” Calum makes a noise of outrage.

“What do you mean, even for me?” he says, sounding scandalised. “That tattoo was fucking hilarious, you said so yourself.” Michael’s eyes flick down to Calum’s bicep, even though it’s covered by his leather jacket. Calum notices, and folds his arms. “Yeah, fuck you for that. Do you have any idea the number of favours I had to call in to get rid of it?” Michael snorts.

“Who the fuck owes you favours?” he asks, and Calum grins, eyes gleaming.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he says.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m asking,” Michael points out. Calum rolls his eyes, and turns back to the sound engineer, who looks like he’s ready to cry.

“I asked around about you,” Calum comments casually, as they both watch the sound engineer fiddle with yet more knobs.

“Oh?” Michael hums, interest piqued. “You know, the Devil and I had a good understanding.”

“Yeah, until you waged a war against him,” Calum says.

“On the Lord’s orders,” Michael says, a little defensively.

“Well, he found it pretty funny that you got demoted,” Calum says. Michael rolls his eyes. Of course he did.

“He would,” Michael says. “Did he tell you about the time the Lord made him wash the Son’s feet in front of the whole host?” Calum gapes at him.

“No,” he says, sounding flabbergasted. Michael grins, feeling oddly satisfied.

“Yeah, I bet he didn’t,” he says. “Didn’t realise he concerned himself with petty demons like you, anyway.” Calum scowls.

“I’m not a petty demon,” he says, a shade petulantly.

“You un-tune people’s guitars, dude,” Michael says. “Pretty sure demons are meant to be out committing homicide, and stuff.”

“There are plenty of demons who do the whole murder thing,” Calum says, waving a hand dismissively. “I’m striking out.” Michael can’t help but grin at that.

“I’ll put that in your file,” he tells Calum. “‘Not Like Other Demons’. Got it.”

“I’ve got a file?”

“What, you think we just let demons run around unchecked?” Calum blinks at him.

“You know Galadriel’s in the US president’s cabinet right now?” he says slowly.

“Of course we know,” Michael says.

“And you’re leaving him be?” Michael shrugs.

“Not my department,” he says. Calum stares at him for a moment, and then a grin breaks out on his face, and he shakes his head.

“Man, things have definitely changed since I was up there,” he says.

“When was that?” Michael asks. Calum shrugs.

“I dunno, I’m not great with time,” he says. “One, two thousand years ago?” Michael hums thoughtfully.

“You remember Raphael?” he says. Calum rolls his eyes, and now that, that is a sentiment Michael can really get behind.

“Unfortunately,” he mutters. “He still so fucking holier-than-thou?”

“You thought he was holier-than-thou then?” Michael says, raising his eyebrows. “You should see him since my latest demotion.” He pitches his voice up a few octaves, and mimics: “Oh, Michael, if you just repented, you could have your seat at His side again. We’re all rooting for you. You’re just letting yourself down.” Calum grins.

“You get demoted often?” It’s Michael’s turn to shrug.

“Every couple of centuries,” he says. Calum laughs, all straight white teeth and sparkling eyes, and Michael’s stomach flips. God, he’s far too fucking pretty for Michael to handle. Is that why He sent Michael after him? Is this His idea of revenge?

“I have no idea how you’re still an angel,” Calum says, shaking his head, still smiling.

“Pure heart,” Michael says solemnly. “That’s why I keep defending these poor, helpless humans from your shitty little tricks.”

“They’re not shitty,” Calum protests, as Michael throws a glance over to the girls in the live room, tightening their tuning pegs and tension rods wordlessly. Calum sighs dramatically, eyes following Michael’s gaze. “Man, you’re so fucking boring, you know that?”

“Whatever you say,” Michael says with a grin, stepping back. “Behave yourself, demon.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Calum says, eyes twinkling. Michael smirks, and drops Calum’s glamour with a snap of his fingers. The sound engineer whirls around immediately, eyes widening when he sees Calum in the corner of the room, and scrambles to his feet, grabbing a nearby guitar and brandishing it like a weapon.

“Who the fuck are you?” the guy shouts. “How the fuck did you get in here?” Calum shoots Michael a glare.

“I fucking hate you, angel,” is the last thing Michael hears before everything goes white.

-------

The next time Ashton sends Michael after Calum, he finds him with another demon who looks decidedly undemonic, blonde hair framing baby-blue eyes. Calum’s head whips around when Michael clears his throat, eyes black, poised to pounce, but he relaxes when he sees who it is. Michael’s not sure what to make of that. The other demon, though, bares his teeth, eyes flashing to black, tensing at Michael’s presence.

“Evening,” Calum says casually as his eyes flicker back to looking human, like they’re friends, and like Michael doesn’t have the power to kill him with a snap of his fingers.

“What are you doing?” Michael asks, cocking his head. There’s glue and there’s coins, and he doesn’t understand how the two of them combine.

“Gluing coins to the footpath,” Calum says, stepping back to let Michael see. In the dim light of the streetlight a few metres away, Michael can see a few coins shining back at him.

“Huh,” he says thoughtfully. “Who’s your friend?”

“Luke,” the other demon says, eyes narrowed and black, posture defensive. He’s oddly familiar, Michael thinks, a bitter taste rising in his throat when they lock eyes. Michael’s dealt with a lot of demons in his time, but he doesn’t remember any called Luke. “Who the fuck is this, Cal?”

“This?” Calum says, far too nonchalantly, kicking at one of the coins to make sure it’s properly stuck. “Michael. You know, the archangel?”

“C’mon, dude,” Michael protests. “That’s a sensitive topic.” Luke looks at him, and there’s an edge of a glint to his eyes that Michael doesn’t like the look of.

“An archangel?” he asks Calum, eyes still on Michael.

“Well, no,” Calum says cheerfully, dropping to his knees again and sending Michael a pointed look, eyes glittering with humour. “He got demoted. Just a regular angel now.” Michael rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, rub it in,” he says. “Who are you, the Raphael of Hell?” Calum snorts, and Luke looks from Calum to Michael and back again.

“Are you going to kill us?” he says.

“That depends,” Michael says. “Are you going to piss me off enough to make me?”

“Don’t worry about him,” Calum tells Luke, reaching for another coin and some glue. “He’s the worst angel they’ve got.” Michael sighs, an I didn’t want to have to do this but you’ve twisted my arm kind of sigh, and raises his hand. Calum jerks into the air, feet dangling beneath him, and his wings instinctively shoot out, beating wildly to try and escape Michael’s chokehold. They’re kind of gorgeous, actually - sleek, black feathers, a little unkempt.

“Huh,” Michael says thoughtfully, as Calum struggles against his hold, wheezing and spluttering, and Luke stares at him, looking only mildly interested. “Nice wings, dude.” He lets Calum go, who drops to the ground with a loud crack, splitting the footpath on impact. Calum winces, rubbing at his throat, and folds his wings back in.

“Thanks,” he says, coughing. “Always thought black suited me better.” Michael hums in agreement. He can’t really see the pure, brilliant white he has on his own back working with Calum’s aesthetic.

“Hey, d’you have a halo?” Calum says to Michael, voice still a little hoarse.

“‘Course,” Michael says. “Do you have horns?” Calum snorts, getting to his feet.

“I can if you want me to,” he says, throwing Michael a wink. Luke stares at him.

“Wait, are you two fucking?” he asks, a note of trepidation in his voice. Calum’s eyes flick to Michael, dark and hungry.

“Not yet,” he says, not taking his eyes off Michael. Michael swallows, and apologises to Ashton, who he just knows is listening, for the string of thoughts that just went through his mind.

“I’m just doing my job,” Michael says to Luke, but he can’t tear his eyes away from Calum’s.

“Isn’t your job to kill us?”

“No,” Michael says. “Just to stop you. And, I’ve got to be honest, stopping Calum isn’t exactly hard. He’s kind of a shitty demon.”

“Fuck you,” Calum says, scowling, and Michael grins.

“If you’re lucky,” he says, winking at Calum before turning to Luke. “You don’t seem like a very intimidating demon either, dude, not gonna lie.”

“Oh, you should see him when he’s pissed,” Calum says, and Luke huffs, looking a little embarrassed. “Remember that transport minister in Berlin that fell in front of a train a few months ago?” Michael gapes at him.

“That was you?” he says, rounding on Luke.

“Yep,” Calum says gleefully, on Luke’s behalf.

“What, he stood on my foot on the underground and didn’t apologise,” Luke says defensively. Michael stares at him for a moment, and then shakes his head.

“You’re a way better demon than Calum,” he says, and the cheerful grin slips off Calum’s face, replaced with an indignant scowl.

“What the fuck, dude?” he demands. Michael shrugs.

“Find yourself a better sidekick, Luke,” he recommends, taking a step back.

“Go fuck yourself,” Calum says. Michael grins, flicking his wrist, and all the coins start rolling down the footpath towards the gutter.

“What did I tell you about behaving?” he mock-chides, as Calum makes a noise of outrage, trying to stop a few of the coins with his feet.

“Fuck you, angel,” Calum grumbles, and Michael blows him a kiss as he transports himself back home.

-------

Michael’s in the middle of a debate with Peter about whether or not Julius Caesar should really have been let into Heaven when Ashton Summons him.

“-just shouldn’t have crossed the Rubicon, if you ask me,” Michael finishes his sentence addressing the wall in Ashton’s office. He spins around, annoyed. “What the fuck, Ash? I was having a conversation.” Ashton holds up a picture of Luke and Calum that Michael had put in Calum’s file, tapping on Luke.

“Who’s the friend?” he says.

“Luke,” Michael says. “Can I go now?”

“No,” Ashton says, motioning for Michael to sit. Michael sighs dramatically, but throws himself down into the chair. Ashton sits down opposite him, wings poised, and steeples his fingers against his chin.

“You know Luke?” he asks carefully. Michael shrugs.

“Met him once,” he says. “They were gluing coins to a footpath.” Ashton nods thoughtfully. “Oh, and he killed that transport minister in Berlin a few months ago.”

“I think he’s killed a lot more than just the transport minister,” Ashton says, tapping on a thick, unmarked file on his right. Michael shrugs.

“Humans have to die of something,” he says. Ashton gives him a look.

“We’re meant to protect humanity,” he says reprovingly.

“C’mon, Ash, they live about as long as it takes me to blink,” Michael says. Ashton purses his lips, but he knows Michael’s right.

“I’m going after him,” he says eventually. Michael does a literal, honest-to-God double take.

“You’re doing what?” he says, astounded. “You’re going down?”

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Ashton says, a little snappily. “Gabriel’ll take over for me when I’m gone.” Michael groans.

“C’mon, Ash, can’t you pick, like, Uriel, or Selaphiel, or something?” he asks desperately, because he’d rather die than answer to Gabriel, but Ashton shakes his head firmly.

“Gabriel’s the only one qualified,” he says, eyes back on the picture of Luke and Calum.

“What’s so interesting about Luke?” Michael asks, seeing the way Ashton’s eyes linger on him. “Why can’t you send someone else after him?” Ashton hesitates, then looks at Michael with a serious expression.

“There’s never been a demon called Luke.”

-------

Michael next sees Calum in a shopping centre food court.

Calum spots him before he manages to get to him, and beckons him over, grinning excitedly. Michael tries to suppress a grin and ignore the way his stomach flips at that, pushing through the crowd to get to the booth Calum’s sat in and sliding in opposite him.

“Watch this,” Calum says gleefully, nodding at the woman to their right. She takes a bite of her margherita pizza, nodding at whatever her friend is saying, and then stops, frowning, hand flying to her throat.

“What did you do?” Michael asks, as the woman starts to cough.

“Made her allergic to salt,” Calum says nonchalantly, and Michael snorts. The woman looks like she’s starting to struggle to breathe, so Michael waves his hand, and she relaxes, coughing a few more times, looking extremely confused and concerned.

“So you’ve progressed to actually killing people now?” Michael asks, mildly intrigued. Calum shakes his head.

“Knew you’d turn up,” he says, flashing Michael a grin. Michael rolls his eyes.

“You don’t know that,” he says. “I’m a busy angel.” Calum snorts.

“Right, that’s why they’ve sent you after me,” he says sarcastically, dipping a chip in some ketchup and popping it in his mouth. “Sure.” Michael shrugs.

“He wanted me to go after you,” he says. Calum stops chewing, and frowns.

“He?” he says, swallowing. “As in, Him?” Michael nods. “What the fuck? I’m on G-” he winces. “I’m on His radar?”

“Apparently so,” Michael says, reaching for one of Calum’s chips and looking around for the mayonnaise. “Hey, where’s the mayo?” Calum stares at him.

“You eat mayo, and I’m the demon?” he says in disbelief. Michael scowls at him, and conjures some mayonnaise.

“It’s the best condiment,” he tells Calum, through a mouthful of chip. Calum shakes his head at him, looking genuinely disappointed.

“What does He want with me, then?” he asks. Michael shrugs.

“Do I look like God?” he says. Calum shrugs.

“Never met Him,” he says. Michael raises his eyebrows.

“Well, who kicked you out?” he asks.

“Raphael.”

“Bet he enjoyed that.” Calum huffs out a laugh, sticking his finger in the ketchup and then in his mouth. Michael’s not sure whether he should be grossed out by the fact Calum’s eating pure ketchup, or turned on by the way Calum’s got his lips wrapped around his fingers, looking up at Michael through thick, black lashes.

“You’re disgusting,” he settles for, but it comes out weak, and a grin’s flashing across Calum’s face in a second.

“Only for you,” he says, with a wink. Michael rolls his eyes, and hopes the pink on his cheeks isn’t too obvious. He reaches for another one of Calum’s chips, and Calum’s eyes follow him. He looks like he’s weighing up whether or not he wants to say something.

“What’s He like?” he asks eventually, curiously.

“God?” Michael asks, and Calum nods. Michael swallows his mouthful of chips, and clears his throat. “He’s cool. Pretty laid-back guy. It’s the Son you want to watch out for.” Calum cocks an eyebrow in intrigue, and Michael nods. “Yeah, the Son’s got a proper stick up his ass. Never met anyone so uptight in my life.”

“Might be a side effect of crucifixion,” Calum suggests, and Michael snorts.

“Well, you know, there’s the whole Trinity thing,” Michael continues, “so He’s pretty strict when it comes to the Son. God, the Son’s so spoilt. You think Raphael’s bad, wait until you meet Jesus.” Calum snorts.

“Don’t think I’ll be meeting the Son anytime soon,” he says, and there’s something hard in his eyes and bitter in his tone. Michael frowns, but it’s gone as soon as Michael opens his mouth to ask.

“What about Hell?” he asks instead.

“What about it?”

“Well, what’s Satan up to nowadays?” A look of amusement flashes across Calum’s face.

“Oh, y’know,” he says. “Same old.”

“Being the proudest motherfucker around?” Calum laughs, eyes twinkling, and Michael has the feeling he’s said something much funnier than he intended to.

“You could say that,” Calum says.

“He still funny?” Michael asks. “Heaven’s way more boring without him. He was the only one with a fucking sense of humour.” Calum’s eyes glitter with mirth.

“I’d say so,” he says, grinning.

“Well,” Michael says, a little awkwardly, because Calum’s finding this way funnier than it should be. “Give him my best.” Calum bursts out laughing.

“Will do, angel,” he says.

-------

God is nothing like humans think.

Okay, He’s a little like humans think - He’s got the beard - but that’s about it.

“Hey, Mikey,” God says, grinning at him when he knocks at the door. “How’s my favourite angel?” Michael rolls his eyes, shutting the door behind him.

“You’re not supposed to have favourites,” he tells God.

“I don’t,” God says, eyes twinkling. “But Raphael was listening.” Michael snorts, shaking his head, and God gestures at the seat opposite His desk, capping His pen as Michael sits down.

“You reinstating me as archangel?” Michael asks cheerfully. God sighs, giving him a serious look, and the smile slips off Michael’s face.

“You know, Jesus is still mad about the onion,” He says gravely. “You made Him look bad, which means you made me look bad.”

“You know I didn’t mean to do that,” Michael says, because He can see Michael’s intentions laid out in front of him, clear as day. “And you know I’m sorry.”

“I know,” God says. “So I am reinstating you. But don’t play around with the Son again.” Michael nods meekly, wings sagging a little.

“Thank you, Father,” he says. God waves His hand dismissively, grinning.

“You knew I was going to reinstate you,” He says.

“Ashton’s going to be pissed,” Michael says, and God chuckles.

“He knew too,” He says. “He thinks you get special treatment.” That fucker. And, yeah, whoops, Michael’s in the presence of the Lord, and isn’t censoring his thoughts. Whoops. Sorry. “Apology accepted,” He says, grinning.

Michael hesitates, then, because it reminds him of some things Calum’s said - you exercise your free will to swear, and the many different iterations of you’re the worst angel up there. God raises an eyebrow, motioning for Michael to ask.

“Why don’t you kick me out?” Michael blurts. God leans back in His seat.

“You want me to kick you out?” He asks. Michael shakes his head.

“But I- y’know,” Michael says, shrugging a little uncomfortably in the heat of His gaze. There’s nothing quite like the scrutiny of the Lord. “I swear. I blaspheme. I- uh.” He flushes, and God smirks as images of just what exactly Michael would like to do to Calum flash through his mind. Michael clears his throat. “I’m not exactly a model angel.” God looks at him, calculating, and Michael tries to resist the urge to fall to his knees.

“You use your free will exactly as I intended it to be used,” He says. “You do as you please with a pure heart, unwaveringly loyal to me. You never have your own interests above mine.”

“Even when I blaspheme?” God looks at him for a moment, and then smiles.

“Even when you blaspheme,” He says gently. “You’d do well to remember my omniscience, Michael. Raphael may think obsequiousness is the way into my good books, but that was the reason I gave you free will. I knew some would use it for wrong, I knew some of you would use it to serve me blindly, but you’re the only one who’s ever used their free will as I intended, and the only one I’d ever want at my right-hand side.” Michael has to drop his gaze, can’t meet the holy power shining from His eyes.

“Thank you, Father,” he says again, and he hears the awe in his own voice. Jesus Christ, he sounds like a human. God snorts at that.

“Yeah, you do,” He says. “Now, go and tell Raphael you’ve been reinstated. I’ve seen how it plays out, and you’re going to love it.”

“Can I tell him I’m your right-hand angel?” Michael says hopefully, and God laughs.

“The fuck you can,” He says, eyes twinkling, and laughs again as Michael gawps at Him. “Oh, you think you’re the only one who can swear in here?”

Yeah, Michael should have seen that one coming.

-------

The next time Michael sees Calum, he’s with Luke again. It’s the middle of the night, and they’ve both cast glamours, whispering to each other in a dormitory in a hostel in Prague. Luke’s pointing at something across the room, and Michael silently casts his own glamour, sauntering over to them nonchalantly in the hopes of picking up what they’re talking about.

“...the right side of the room, you take the left,” Luke says, gesturing to the other side of the room.

“For what?” Michael asks, and both Calum and Luke jump, eyes instinctively turning black and baring their teeth. They both relax when they see who it is, though.

“Can you let us have one night of fun?” Calum says, sighing.

“Depends,” Michael says. “Does ‘fun’ involve fucking with the humans?” He indicates the ten people sleeping soundly in the room, and both Luke and Calum hesitate.

“Well, yes, but-” Luke begins.

“No can do,” Michael says smoothly, and Calum scowls at him.

“You ever get tired of being a boring cunt?” he asks, and Michael can’t help but laugh.

“What are you up to?” he asks.

“Unplugging people’s phone chargers,” Luke answers, eyes gleaming. “They’re all going to wake up with thirty percent charge. Some of them might even miss their alarms.” He sounds so fucking pleased with himself. Michael rolls his eyes.

“What are you, three hundred?” he says, and he opens his mouth to make another scathing remark, but is interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. He whips around in surprise, because who the fuck can see through his glamour, to find Ashton standing there, looking equally surprised to see him.

“Oh,” Michael says, turning back to Calum, who looks bewildered, and Luke, who looks shocked. “This is my superior. Although, actually, that’s not true anymore, is it?”

“You get demoted too?” Calum asks Ashton sympathetically. Ashton sends Michael a glare, and shakes his head tightly. Calum looks back at Michael, who’s grinning widely.

“No way,” he says incredulously. “You got reinstated?”

“He always gets reinstated,” Ashton mutters.

“Jealousy’s not a good look you, Ash,” Michael tells him sweetly, and Ashton scowls at him.

“Ashton,” Luke says suddenly. Ashton’s eyes slide over to him, something unreadable in his expression.

“Yes,” he says, a little tightly. Michael frowns. What the fuck is Ashton’s deal with Luke? He’s just a harmless fucking demon. He’s about to start unplugging people’s phones, for God’s sake. Not exactly the kind of criminal mastermind Ashton usually descends for; the last time Ashton had come down had been for Attila the Hun.

“Huh,” Luke says, a little smile unfolding on his lips. “You’re still fucking hot.” Michael’s eyes widen, and Calum chokes on his next breath, disguising it badly as a cough.

“You know him?” Michael asks in disbelief. Luke grins, eyes glittering, and waves his hand. Michael watches as all the phone chargers in the room simultaneously unplug themselves and fall to the floor, and his jaw drops. No demon should be able to do that. Calum wouldn’t even be able to unplug two chargers at the same time.

“Cal didn’t tell you?” Luke says sweetly. “Luke’s short for Lucifer.”

-------

For want of a better phrase, all hell had broken loose as soon as the words had left Luke’s lips.

Ashton and Michael’s wings had flown out, in warrior mode without a second’s hesitation, and Calum and Luke had responded in kind, growling, eyes black, teeth bared.

“I knew it,” Ashton had hissed, holy light rolling off him so brightly it even almost hurt Michael’s eyes. Calum had shrunk back, but Luke had been unperturbed. “The minute I saw that picture, I knew it was you.” Luke had grinned, all sharp teeth and gleaming black eyes.

“You think about me that often?” he’d said.

“Of course I fucking think about you,” Ashton had spat, and Michael had stopped short, stared at him.

“Did you just fucking swear?” he’d asked.

“Not really the point, Michael,” Ashton had said through gritted teeth.

“Man, you’re not the only angel to swear?” Calum had said to Michael.

“He never swears,” Michael had told him, bewildered.

“These are special fucking circumstances,” Ashton had snapped, and the power in his voice had made Calum stumble back a few steps.

“Look,” he’d said carefully, when he’d regained his footing. “Michael’s an archangel, you’re...whatever the fuck you are, and Luke’s the Devil. All I’m seeing here is I’m going to come out bottom if this comes down to a fight. Why don’t we take this somewhere else?” They’d all hesitated, tense and poised, none of them willing to be the first to give in, until Calum’s gaze had flickered to Michael, a pleading note in his brown eyes.

And really, who’s Michael, archangel of the Lord, to say no to petty demon Calum?

“Fine,” Michael had said, folding his wings, and after a moment’s hesitation, Ashton had followed suit. Luke had taken a moment longer, until Calum had nudged him pointedly, and then he’d folded his sleek black wings in too.

That’s how they’ve ended up here, in a McDonald’s that’s open all night. They’re huddled in a booth, too close for comfort, Calum and Luke on one side, Michael and Ashton on another.

“So,” Michael says awkwardly, cutting into the uncomfortable silence, because someone has to be the first to speak. “Sorry about, y’know. The war, and all that.” Luke snorts.

“Water under the bridge,” he says, waving a hand dismissively, but his eyes don’t stray from Ashton. “You were always my favourite angel.” Ashton flinches at that.

“What’s the fucking deal here?” Calum demands, and Michael’s silently grateful that he’s not the one who had to ask the question and risk getting publicly reamed out by Ashton. “How do you two know each other?” Luke grins, still gazing at Ashton.

“You wanna tell them, or should I?” he says, and Ashton stiffens. “I guess I should, huh? It is my story, after all.”

“Fucking spit it out already, Luke,” Calum says. Luke raises his eyebrows at Ashton, and then finally tears his gaze away.

“Ashton’s the reason I fell,” Luke says. Michael feels his jaw drop.

“What?” he says, at the exact same time as Calum.

“How?” Michael demands.

“What the fuck?” Calum says.

“What happened?”

“What did he do?”

“Hang on, I thought you fell because of pride,” Michael interrupts, jabbing a finger at Luke. Luke shakes his head.

“I fell because I loved someone more than I loved Him,” he says, and then nods at Ashton. Michael blinks.

“Sorry,” he says after a moment, shaking his head. “Not sure I’m getting this.”

“Yeah,” Calum chimes in. “Sounds like you’re saying you and Ashton were, like...a thing?”

“That’s what he’s saying,” Ashton says.

“You- hang on,” Michael says, holding his hands up. “You, Ashton, angel who tells me off for even thinking about blaspheming, dated the Devil?” Ashton nods curtly.

“Nah,” Calum says, shaking his head, “sorry, not having it.” Michael has to agree with that. No way did Ashton date Satan.

“Wait,” he says suddenly. “No, this doesn’t make any sense. Why do you look different?” Luke shrugs.

“Changed it up,” he says. “You get a much more exciting range of powers when you’re not confined by His morals.” He grins, and looks back at Ashton. “Ashton still recognised me, though, didn’t he?” Michael stares at Ashton.

“You dated Satan?” he asks, and Ashton nods. “You never thought to fucking tell me?”

“What was I supposed to say, Mike?” Ashton says.

“Oh, I don’t know, hey, Michael, sorry about all those times I slammed you against a wall for swearing, turns out I dated the fucking Devil?” Michael suggests, slightly hysterical. None of this makes any fucking sense.

“You slam him against walls?” Calum asks, sounding intrigued. “Huh. Shame. I won’t get to be the first.” Michael scowls at him.

“Are you serious?” he demands. “I find out Ashton dated the literal Devil, and you want to make innuendos? What are you, an incubus?” Calum grins at him.

“Might be,” he says.

“Could make you one, if you wanted to be,” Luke offers.

“If you’re Satan, why the fuck are you messing around with people’s phone chargers and gluing coins to footpaths?” Michael says. Luke shrugs.

“Being annoying is way more fun than being evil,” he says. Michael stares at him, because yeah, that does actually sound like something Lucifer would say. But Lucifer also didn’t fucking date Ashton.

“You two didn’t date,” Michael says, shaking his head. “That’s just- that’s just not true.”

“I can’t lie, Michael,” Ashton reminds him, and Michael bites his lip, because it’s true, he can’t, but he also didn’t fucking date the Devil.

“So,” Luke continues, like this whole interlude hadn’t even happened, spreading his hands. “Turns out I loved Ashton more than he loved me. I get cast out, he doesn’t follow, cue thousands of years of warfare.” And actually, that’s a point.

“You let me fight that war,” Michael says tightly, rounding on Ashton. “You let me lead that. You let me lead angels, your brothers, into battle to die, and you could have stopped it all along.” Ashton puts his head in his hands.

“I couldn’t,” he says miserably. “I couldn’t force myself to love Lucifer more than I love Him.”

“Man, this is like a fucking soap opera,” Calum puts in, leaning back in the booth with a grin on his face.

“I’m glad someone’s fucking enjoying themselves,” Michael snaps, and Calum holds his hands up in defence.

“I’m a demon, dude,” he says. “I kind of get off on chaos.” He pauses, and then adds: “So do you, actually, don’t fucking lie. You said the tattoo was funny.”

“That’s exactly why I’m so worried about you, Michael,” Ashton says. “You abuse your free will. I don’t want you to fall, too.” Michael rolls his eyes.

“Ash, if I were going to fall, it’d would’ve happened a long fucking time ago,” he says. Ashton shoots him a look.

“You’ve never been as close as you are now,” he says bluntly, eyes flicking to Calum.

“Oh, c’mon, I want to fuck a demon, so what?” Michael says. “You actually fucked the Devil, and you’re still up there.”

“You want to fuck me?” Calum interrupts, and Michael rolls his eyes.

“Dude, of course I want to fuck you,” he says. Calum looks at him for a moment, and then his face splits into a self-satisfied grin.

“Don’t blame you,” he says. “I am pretty fucking sexy.”

“Not the moment, Calum,” Michael says warningly, and it’s Calum’s turn to roll his eyes, but he doesn’t retort.

“He’s not going to fall, Ash,” Luke says, and there’s something gentle and reassuring in his tone that doesn’t really sit well with Michael’s idea of Satan. “Trust me. He’ll never love anyone more than he loves Him.” Calum’s grin drops at that, and Michael tries to ignore the unpleasant flip in his stomach.

“You don’t know that,” Ashton says. “You haven’t seen how he uses his free will.” Michael hesitates.

“I spoke to God about it,” he says, after a moment of dithering. “I- look, I can’t tell you what He said, but we’re on the same page.” Ashton throws him a sceptical look. “Come on, Ash, am I going to lie to you about what He said in front of Him?” Ashton hesitates, and then deflates.

“No,” he says reluctantly. “But-”

“No, I’m not taking any more fucking criticism from you,” Michael interrupts, pointing a finger at him, “ever. You dated the Devil. I’m going to swear to fucking God-” he relishes the way Ashton flinches at that “-and I’m going to fuck Calum, and there’s absolutely fucking nothing you’re going to say about it.” Ashton opens his mouth, and then closes it again, and Michael gets a rush of satisfaction almost as strong as when he’d told Raphael he’d been reinstated as archangel, again.

“Fine,” Ashton mutters. Luke shoots him a look somewhere between concern and amusement, and Michael tries not to think about the fact that Satan seems to at least somewhat care about Ashton, instead lapsing into an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes until Calum clears his throat.

“So, Michael,” he says hopefully, breaking the tension. “We were gonna fuck?”

-------

Just because Michael and Calum are fucking now doesn’t relieve Michael from his duties, as God kindly but firmly reminds him when he goes to ask about whether this is, like, even permitted.

(“You know where I stand,” God had said. “Love no one more than me.”

“For you are a jealous God,” Michael had muttered, and God had grinned.

“Exactly.”)

He’s begged Calum to stop fucking around, but Calum seems to think it’s even funnier now that they’re whatever the fuck they are, uses it as a fucking booty call. His ideas are getting more and more ludicrous - he’d gone to someone’s house and put tiny holes in all of their socks, for God’s sake - just to call Michael down for a quick fuck.

So when Michael hears that Calum’s caused a ten-car pileup on a motorway in England, he’s a little concerned.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” Calum says, aiming for light-hearted and missing, not even looking up when Michael sits down next to him on the overbridge.

“That’s all in your hands,” Michael says, looking out at the (pretty impressive) traffic jam Calum’s caused. “Damn, dude. Bad day?” Calum huffs out a laugh, but it’s humourless.

“Yeah, guess so,” he says moodily. Michael hesitates. On the one hand, Calum’s a demon, and even though they’re physically intimate, Michael’s not supposed to emotionally care about him. On the other hand, Michael’s an angel, so caring is kind of in his nature, and something about Calum just draws Michael in.

“Wanna talk about it?” he says eventually, gently. Calum shrugs.

“Nothing you can do about it,” he says.

“I can listen,” Michael says. “Angel, remember? I do a lot of listening.” Calum snorts.

“What are you angel of?” he asks.

“Healing,” Michael says.

“You heal broken hearts?” And, oh. Okay. Michael swallows. He shouldn’t care about that as much as he does. It shouldn’t matter to him that someone that isn’t Michael has broken Calum’s heart.

“I can try,” he says, aiming for jovial, but it falls flat. Calum sighs.

“Remember that dude who wrote that play about the people who couldn’t be together?” he says, kicking his legs out. Michael frowns. “You know, the one set in Italy? Couple of centuries ago?” Michael frowns, and Calum rolls his eyes. “C’mon, man, you know who I’m talking about. Ro- Roleo? No, wait, Romeo? Romeo and Juliet, that’s the one.”

“...Shakespeare?” Michael says.

“Yeah, him,” Calum says in relief.

“What about him?”

“Didn’t he write the whole star-crossed lovers thing?” Michael raises his eyebrows.

“You remember that, but not Shakespeare’s name?” he says. Calum scowls, but it’s half-hearted.

“My point is,” he says, and then he stops, and kicks his feet out again.

“Your point is?” Michael prompts. Calum sighs, and stares down at the cars.

“You ever feel like that?” he says gloomily. Michael follows his gaze.

“Like a traffic jam?” he asks slowly. Calum rolls his eyes.

“Like we’re star-crossed lovers,” he says, and oh.

Oh.

Oh, fucking hell.

“Calum,” Michael says carefully, and Calum sighs again.

“I know,” he says, before Michael can continue. “You don’t fucking care about me, whatever. It just fucking sucks.” He laughs humourlessly, and then adds: “You think He’d ever let me back in?” Michael dithers on that for a moment, before deciding to go for the truth.

“I don’t think so, Cal,” he says gently. “You wouldn’t be able to love Him more than anyone else.”

“Is that such a fucking crime?” Calum says bitterly. “That I have the capacity to love with thought, with intention, not just blindly?”

“No,” Michael says kindly. “It just means you’d make a shitty angel.”

“You’re a shitty angel,” Calum says.

“I am,” Michael agrees. “But I’ll also never love anyone more than Him.” Calum deflates, and shit, are those tears? Can demons even cry?

“What the fuck are we even doing then, Michael?” Calum asks flatly. Michael sighs.

“I do care about you, Cal,” he says. “A lot. I should have killed you the first time I met you, but I couldn’t. There’s something about you, I just…” he trails off. “Look, it’s complicated. I do care about you. I’ll just never love you more than I love the Lord.” Calum stares at the traffic below them.

“But you could love me?” he says to the cars. Michael nods.

“Easily,” he says. Calum bites his lip.

“I could be second best?”

“You already are second best.” Calum’s brow creases, like he’s trying to make some kind of decision.

“Okay,” he says eventually. Michael frowns.

“Okay?” Calum shrugs, and the wicked gleam is back in his eyes, just like that.

“You know what they say,” he says, grinning. “First the worst, second the best.” Michael rolls his eyes, hard.

“You really gonna have a breakdown and end it like that?” he says sceptically.

“Demon, dude,” Calum reminds him. “Not really keen on serious.”

“You sure you’re not, like, a poltergeist?” Michael says, and Calum shoves him off the overbridge. Michael squawks, wings unfolding so fast he thinks he might have sprained something, and he hits Calum upside the head with his left wing as he sets himself back down next to him. “You’re a fucking arsehole, you know that?”

“And proud,” Calum tells him, and then sobers again.

“What?” Michael prods. Calum sighs, and holds his hand out, fingers spread, for Michael to hold.

“I don’t want you to fall for my sake,” he says.

But, as Michael laces his fingers through Calum’s and stares at the cars under their feet, he thinks: would that be such a bad thing?

#malum #lashton #5sos fic #5sos slash #5sos fanfiction #im so tired i will rsvp to messages tomorrow im sorry xx #holyverse

53 notes · View notes

hg47 · 4 years ago

Text

47 Reasons Why I Fear Islam - (Reason 1)

-1-I am suspicious of any religion that demands the death of any member who quits. Polls taken worldwide consistently reveal that the majority of Muslims in the world want the laws of whatever country they are living within changed to allow the execution of any Muslim who leaves Islam (if the laws do not already allow this). The majority of Muslims in the world also want the laws of whatever country they are living in to make blasphemy of Islam an offense punishable by death. The majority of Muslims in the world also want the laws of whatever country they are living within to allow for hand amputation as a punishment for theft. This frightens me because it indicates that so called “moderate Muslims” are in the minority, possibly far below the 50% mark of Muslims. 10%? It also frightens me because it shows that Muslims are not inclined to assimilate into Western society; they will generally NOT acquire Western values. A few will; but most? No. It frightens me because the bulk of Muslims expect whatever country they are living within to change and adapt to their own religion. Most moderate Muslims fully expect to slowly destroy EVERYTHING non-Islamic, over a period of centuries. Western culture honors the individual, The Unique Individual, and tries to provide a framework for different people, with their differing backgrounds, to work constructively together. Islamic rulings deny the value of the individual. People only exist so that their God will have worshippers. And their God is delighted in proportion and intensity of the received worship. (Asking for a Muslim who pretends to be my friend: Since a female Muslim is only worth half a male Muslim, does that mean that her worship only delights the Islamic God half as much?) As I write this, 9/25/2013 10:20 AM, significantly more than half the Muslims in the world want to kill any Muslim who quits their religion. What does this say about Islam? What does this say about what Islam does to people? One of my favorite TV shows is LIFE, starring Damian Lewis and Sarah Shahi. It only ran for 2 seasons. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001I24BTA/ref=dv_dp_ep4 Episode 4, Season 2 of LIFE is based on the Stanford Prison Experiment: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_prison_experiment This Wikipedia entry details what the Guard/Prisoner Dynamic does to people. In the LIFE episode: “Us Against Them -- A university’s prison experiment goes horribly wrong when one of the students acting as a corrections officer ends up dead.” The show demonstrates in a dramatic way, how civilized college kids can be made to behave in savage ways, doing terrible things they never could have imagined they would ever do, just by organizing them within a Guard/Prisoner Dynamic. I believe this is what Islam does to people: it sets up a Guard/Prisoner Dynamic. Male Muslims are the Guards. Female Muslims are the Prisoners. Male head of a household: Warden. Sons: Rookie Guards. Religious leaders would be the Western equivalent of Rock Stars. Super-Wardens? Outside the prison walls: “Infidels! We must make the prison larger! Need more prisoners!” Anyone who quits Islam: “Escaped prisoner! Kill! Kill!” Obviously, I am over-simplifying. But I think I’m onto something. A useful First Approximation? Is Islam a force for Good, or a force for Evil? You tell me! Send me a tweet. ++++------- tweet ~ Islam theologizes the inferiority of Muslim women as being worth 1/2 of Muslim men. A non-Muslim has no worth unless impregnated by a Muslim ++++------- http://www.amazon.com/Islam-Terrorism-teaches-Christianity-violence/dp/0884198847/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1380596025&sr=1-1&keywords=islam+and+terrorism+mark+a+gabriel In ISLAM AND TERRORISM by Mark A. Gabriel, Ph.D., Mark tells how when he quit Islam to become a Christian, his father tried to kill him as he ran away: His own father, with tears streaming down his face, shooting bullets at him. ++++------- tweet ~ Christianity + Judaism + Technology = Man on the Moon (Reaching for Heaven?) \\ Islam + Technology = Rioting Muslim Mobs (Hell on Earth?) ++++------- http://wikiislam.net/wiki/Islam_and_Apostasy The majority of Muslims in the world want anyone who quits Islam to be killed. The stats show that most Muslims are inflexible on this point. Keep it in mind, before you convert to Islam. Once in, never out. ++++------- tweet ~ HASSAN ROUHANI: “Iran only wants Nuclear Energy for Peaceful Medical purposes. Medical tests scheduled for Tel Aviv, New York, London…” ~ (OK, I’m joking! But I do believe that is their intent.) ++++------- http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/world/son-of-hamas-holds-islam-responsible-for-middle-easts-anguish/article2239037/?utm_medium=Feeds%3A%20RSS%2FAtom&utm_source=Home&utm_content=2239037 In this article MICHAEL POSNER argues that the Palestinian/Israeli Conflict is not about politics or security, but is all about religion. He also argues that anyone who does not believe in Islam is under a Death Sentence. ++++------- tweet ~ Female Suicide Bombers in Paradise: “You are a brand new Virgin! We’re giving you to Male Bomber #45889! Happy Eternity!” ++++------- http://www.city-journal.org/2011/21_3_muslim-economy.html In this article Guy Sorman gets into the whole sharia banking thing, how Islamic banks do all the formerly forbidden Infidel monetary practices like interest and credit, but just describe them differently so the imams back home don’t get upset. Guy also brings up the point that any Sunni imam can define what it means to leave Islam and become an apostate under a death sentence, and that this tends to discourage any innovation. Why try something new, if you might get killed for it? ++++------- I am amused. Muslims, always concerned with the letter of the law, never the intent of the law, are now using forbidden Infidel banking practices of “interest” and “credit” which are illegal under Islamic law—but the Muslims just give these practices different names. So, it’s OK! Is this Islam lying to itself? Or is this an instance of Muslim banking specialists lying to Muslim imams? Or are they all “in on the game” and cool with the Great Big Lie? This whole “describing things differently” thing to conform with Islamic law actually is an Islamic legal precedent, if moderate Muslims wish to take advantage of it. Feminists, get on this! If Muslim bankers can find a “description” of the hateful Infidel banking practice of “derivatives” which conforms to Sharia law, perhaps Muslim feminists can find a “description” of women which will give them equal rights with men under Islamic law. There may be a better approach, but this Islamic legal precedent of “describing things differently” may be of some use. Possibly “Infidels” might be described as “innocent future Muslims” so as to avoid bloodshed. ++++------- tweet ~ 66% of Protestant pastors in the US believe that Islam is “Dangerous” * (Harper’s) ++++------- http://www.familysecuritymatters.org/publications/id.9182/pub_detail.asp In this article, AMIL IMANI argues that Islam is not a religion, but rather a cult. The way Amil Imani describes it, Islam does seem to fit the definition. ++++------- tweet ~ Which is the better TwitterName for that guy? Ahmadinedildo or Ahmadildojad? I love pushing a dildo into Ahmadinejad, does that make me gay? ++++------- http://pajamasmedia.com/blog/the-stifling-effect-of-muhammeds-life-and-teachings-on-muslim-society/ One of the things Hege Storhaug mentions in this article is the Pew Research study results that 84% of Egyptians want to kill anyone who leaves Islam. ++++------- tweet ~ ISLAMABAD (Reuters – May, 2015) - Pakistan has blocked all Western media indefinitely in a bid to contain “blasphemous” material. ~ (OK, I’m just trying to think ahead here. It’s now 10/12/2013 5:06 AM. But something like this may happen. Iran is trying to set up its own Islamic-Approved Internet to control information and eliminate protest against the government.) ++++------- http://www.familysecuritymatters.org/publications/id.8622/pub_detail.asp In this article Diana West mentions the Pew stat about 84% of Egyptians wanting to kill anyone who leaves Islam. ++++------- tweet ~ US (Reuters – May, 2017) – Twitter begins filtering in deference to Muslims: Muhammad, Mohamed & Muhamad now appear in Tweets as GEORGE. ~ (Again, this is just me, circa 10/12/2013 5:11 AM trying to think ahead.) ++++------- http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-1206-muslim-poll-20101206,0,252922.story This article by Meris Lutz, Los Angeles Times, has more stats about Islam. Muslims, by wide majorities in Egypt, Pakistan, and Nigeria want current laws changed so that anyone who exits Islam can be executed. ++++------- At present, Muslims who leave Islam are sometimes killed by family members or, occasionally, angry Muslim mobs. So I can see why Muslims want the laws of their nation changed to kill those who leave Islam. Let the state deal with it. This would save family embarrassment. I wonder if there are stats on what percentage of Muslims quit Islam and survive? ++++------- tweet ~ So which do the #TeaParty Tweople hate more? Black man Obama in White House? Or Shiite Muslim Rima Fakih as winner of Miss USA contest? ++++------- http://www.citizenwarrior.com/2009/05/terrifying-brilliance-of-islam.html Citizen Warrior, in this article, confirms that Islam is a Once-In-Never-Out Proposition. ++++------- tweet ~ Saudi Women are not allowed to drive, inherit, divorce or gain custody of children, and cannot socialize with unrelated men. Can they Tweet? ++++------- http://www.hudson-ny.org/1610/sharia-advancing-in-west This article by Salah Uddin Shoaib Choudhury is mostly about Islamic Banking in the West, and how the Sharia experts are setting the stage now for the eventual destruction of the United States of America. The murder of apostates is also mentioned. ++++------- tweet ~ INTERPOL Agrees to Same-Sex Couple Conjugal Visits between Ex-President Ahmadinejad & Ayatollah Khamenei if they both surrender immediately. ~ (Yes, another joke.) ++++------- http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/2010/10/12/26542/ This article by Brendan Carroll brings up Geert Wilders, and asks some serious questions concerning Free Speech, Islamic values, and Western Values. It also notes that Muslim youth today have been radicalized compared with former generations of Muslims living within the West. ++++------- tweet ~ We have political ads on TV to influence voters; Iraq has clerics in mosque chanting for death. The real #Iraq ballots are bullets & bombs. ++++------- http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-11559451 Stephen Evans in this article notes that Muslims have largely failed to integrate as useful members of German society, instead becoming a drain upon the state and a threat to German values. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +Go-To-2+ +Go-To-Beginning-Of-47-REASONS-WHY-I-FEAR-ISLAM+

#islam

2 notes · View notes

aliceviceroy · 6 years ago

Link

~~~~

Comment: Why are atheists so critical of religion? Because we believe that knowledge should be evidenced-based, and it is dangerous to think otherwise. Thus, we are terrified by the fact that, in the 21st Century, a large swath of humanity makes decisions based upon divine voices in their heads or their interpretations of their particular choice of ancient fables written by primitive people who would have thought that a kitchen match was a miracle. While it is generally accepted that people who hear voices in their heads are exhibiting signs of mental illness, for some bizarre reason people are permitted to avoid that diagnosis simply by making the unsubstantiated claim that the voice they hear is “god” (rather than, say, Napoleon). These are the voices and fables that have told people to fly planes into buildings, to invade Iraq, to marginalize and discriminate against women, to legitimize slavery (as was done in the antebellum American South), to conceal evidence of child-rape and protect the rapists “for the good of the church,” to pray over their dying children rather than seeking medical help, to refuse blood transfusions (Jehovah’s Witnesses), to murder abortion doctors, to play with (and die from) poisonous snakes, to impoverish themselves by contributing to religious con-men (the estimated annual loss to religious fraud is $50 billion dollars), to suppress the progress of science, and to block the dissemination of knowledge in our schools. If you’re an orthodox Jew it might lead you to harass women on the street who don’t comply with your dress code or to refuse to sit next to women on airplanes. If you’re an American christian your religion might lead you to hate gays and picket the funerals of dead soldiers to publicize that hatred, or to oppose vaccinating girls against the human papillomavirus, believing instead that it is morally preferable to ensure that the risk of cervical cancer is the price that sexually active women are required to pay. If you’re an African christian it might lead you to kill “witches.” If you’re a muslim it might lead you to join ISIS and participate in its campaign of ruthless murders. We also find it worrisome – for obvious reasons – that many people actually believe they’ll be happier when they’re dead. I think those are some pretty good reasons to criticize religion.

~~~~

Comment: All religion teaches people to trust authority through "virtuous" blind faith, and to disavow any logic or critical thinking. The application of evidence-based reason to religious matters is still considered blaspheme by billions - billions who would be glad to see you put to death for questioning faith. A rather large percentage of the populace is looking forward to the destruction of the earth as their savior returns. Mass delusion is clearly the biggest threat to humanity, as pointed out by many of the others commenting here. Not sure how this is "OK" because people find "meaning" in delusion, as the author suggests.

~~~~

Comment: It reminds atheists that there are others out there who are (we would claim) mistaken but whose lives are enriched by those mistaken beliefs and their associated practices in ways that need not be subject to unrelenting attack."And there lies the flaw in this column and this book.Lives enriched by slavery, segregation, tribalism, homophobia, sexism, choice, bigotry, ignorance, Jihad, terrorism, stoning and forcing one's religion into politics and government. And more importantly, putting cause and effect upon spirits in the sky rather than on ourselves where it belongs.Please MORE unrelenting attacks, not to destroy religion but to change it into something beyond just personal salvation and sexual intolerance.

#atheism #ex-christian

1 note · View note

rennyji · 3 years ago

Text

July 22nd Morning Tweets...

---

America is the nation that took everything from me. It wasted my physical and mental health, brought chaos to my home life, coerced my parents into following the directives of abuse towards their son, restricted job ability and opportunity, separated me from time with my sibling and filled their mind with cr*p, put humanity as a whole on one team in belief/practice vs. me…

To the nations misled by America, who take part in this endeavor allegedly”for” me, but which was actually “towards/against me.” :

The Americans are all about pleases and thank yous on the surface, but they lack a culture. Ask what their values/principles are? Ask them specific questions, ask them to elaborate…it’s in their nature to take advantage of lack of interest in detail. The ones that have principle, probably can trace it back to their Greek or Irish or whatever origins. Hitler is blunt and obvious with gas chambers towards the Jews. But the American? They play a long convoluted game, placating the masses for their agenda, so that those in power can continue to exert god like authority at a high salary. I’m supposed to collapse or be mentally ill for their purposes. You have no idea all the angles to this "situation", that the Americans put together, to make this phenomena happen…it is an incomprehensible evil...words cannot express my mind's stomach upset/indigestion with processing the details of evil men like these - not even Satan himself is this clever...where is this coming from, you'll ask? That is because you don't know what is going on, in its entirety.

In Luke 13:31-32

Jesus says,

At that time some Pharisees came to Jesus and said to him, “Leave this place and go somewhere else. Herod wants to kill you.”

He replied, “Go tell that fox, ‘I will keep on driving out demons and healing people today and tomorrow, and on the third day I will reach my goal.’

So American government, law enforcement, and military:

you, in not stopping for a decade, imply you want me to collapse? You want to make me a martyr for a God-less nation? Need a modern day Christ example people can relate to? You blasphemers. If Herod was the fox, you are the swine you eat, as it is you who projected, “you are what you eat.”

In Luke 16:19-31,

It is said:

19 “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day.(A) 20 At his gate was laid a beggar(B) named Lazarus, covered with sores 21 and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table.(C) Even the dogs came and licked his sores.

22 “The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. 23 In Hades, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. 24 So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham,(D) have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’(E)

25 “But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things,(F) but now he is comforted here and you are in agony.(G) 26 And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’

27 “He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family, 28 for I have five brothers. Let him warn them,(H) so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’

29 “Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses(I) and the Prophets;(J) let them listen to them.’

30 “‘No, father Abraham,’(K) he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’

31 “He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’”

Weak minded swine of orchestrators…if a respected 2000+ year old lineage and history can’t be a role model to your nation, and my explanations/elaborations/correlations don’t suffice, then your nation is hopeless, cannot he woken up or guided. The swine want to create a cool martyr that suffered mind reading/mind control? First you fix yourselves, before misleading ur children of a nation and piling on their sins onto yourselves for misleading them. As the last verse of the Story of the Rich Man and Lazarus goes:

30 “‘No, father Abraham,’(K) he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them,

(Like maybe if they’re depicted as cool and suffered something futuristic like mind reading/mind control, …)

they will repent.’

(I.e. under the thinking that The nation will wake up, live a better life through a role model.)

31 “He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’”

(Not convinced if someone rises from the dead is equivalent to me dying from/overcoming mind reading/mind control, for your “at the surface” public P.R. Image of the “soon-to-become” thought police from “1984.”)

In order protect their grimy a*ses, the orchestrators want to make the entire “situation” about a nice guy or some cr*p…what about in the Old Testament? I have no desire to be the golden calf for the metaphorical Israelites, who were seeking “to create something to 'follow/idealize.' ” Moses wasn’t happy, and Americans, based on what is at the root/heart of this present “situation” - (the destruction of an individual and sanctity of mind, ruining of a family) - I don’t think God wants to be your bandage or coverup, for what is towards the end of your government project and it’s resulting bleeding from the leprosy of sin.

Orchestrators, waste someone else’s time.

To finish my earlier point:

So why stay in America, some may ask? I LEFT this horrid, “drunkedness-in-thinking”country for a year, and the orchestrators brought me back to this unclean place to inflict their sadistic behavior, for, 8+ years?! more…

I’m the guy you work for, orchestrators. Using ur p*ssy psychology as a weapon against me, to enslave me, in action: by denying me my rights as a citizen, is quite something.

Years ago, while upstate by “that” University, I said remember this:

Psalm 3, not words of solace, but a promise. A promise.

---

It is believed those who share in the lineage, those who are a branch of the vine, are priests, prophets, and kings as the Christ figure. While divinity of this figure is questioned amongst different people, it is a fact that this was a man, who served God, tried to get people of the time to “”wake up and was a descendant in the line of King David - priest, prophet, king. It is also said, Jesus is the truth, the way, and the life. Many believers unfortunately restrict this to meaning salvation - whatever that word may embody - and those of their respective faiths think salvation is meant only for those under the label of Christian, if they be Christian, Muslim, if they be Muslim, and so forth. Which is better, the mere LABEL of Christian/Muslim/Jew, or those who live in the footsteps of the Christ figure? Words/labels are human constructs. What’s more important is the meaning behind them. Someone, merely because, they don’t fall under your label, is not bad, and that judgement is not a right reserved to any human being, with respect to another, his/her equal... For those looking to walk in a straight line, find peace, and achieve salvation, you must be priest prophet & king in nature. As a priest you serve something much greater - not out of an enslaved mentality in thinking of the word "serve" - but as a loving father to son or a loving son to a The Father, you should serve with love. From that, can be derived, you serve each other, because that is part of serving something greater. By the priest mentality, you are humble in attitude, understand there is something greater, that the world isn’t about what you want. You understand there are rules, but their purpose is not to restrict, but to give structure. Growing up/living life is like making jello. To make jello, it needs some kind of container to take shape, as it is flavored water in the beginning. Without a container, its just a mess that spills everywhere. Rules to abide by are our container. That's where the guidelines of religions were supposed to help, but those lacking in insight, turned what was for structure/a path to success to something geared toward restrictions for a life. We are the flavored water in jello to take shape under the structure of "good words/good advice/good principles/good values." There are many containers, as there many religions, giving us jello, merely the illusion of a different shape. What matters is that we have a shape and aren’t messes that spill everywhere…then we’d just be wasted flavored water. Don’t see rules as restrictions. They are there for us to maintain form. Rules at times need to be bent, but that should be out of understanding its purpose and following it with your heart vs. your mind. Nothing is absolute. A container holding jello can be molded to different shapes. But be careful. Mold it for selfish gain and you risk bending the container to such an extent, flavored water and even firm jello can fall out. What prevents this is, following rules with you heart, out of love, for something greater - in which case you’d just changing the angles of the edges or something small like, that with respect to the container, so that nothing loses form or is wasted, with respect to working with rules or adapting them to do what is appropriate for your life. Don’t restrict the concept of priest to celibate people, shaving their heads and/or living in a monastery all the time. Christians believe they are priest, prophet, and king in one being, as we share in the spiritual lineage of Christ, who traces His lineage to King David, and Abraham, the father of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. As a prophet it is your job to awaken & teach each other truths. You are to stand up for what you believe in, with respect to the free will of another. Don’t bother with the whole "the end is near speeches.” When you start reading a book or watching a movie, the end begins to be near. Sometimes there are sequels depending on the Author’s favor. But no one knows when the ending is, because we don’t know what the Author is thinking. Since the stories of our existence started, the end has been near. It is just the nature of things. There may be a sequel or there may have been sequels. The characters in books and movies don’t bother with such details. They just fulfill their roles in the story and so should it be with you. And finally, as a king, you should live with honor respect and integrity. Kings don’t waste their lives 'in its entirety,' throwing ping pong balls into cups while inebriated. You are a leader. You should make decisions and act in ways that are just and right, for your are a king. Be the best version of yourself. Priests, prophets, and kings, are what we are, and should be.

---

A person's societal or life role, or lifestyle, adopts the illusion of better/worse class or no class…behind the labels/that role/that position/that lifestyle, behind or through all these things, everyone is living... These things are simply under the illusion of a different form, in a setting/a world/a time, that has the potential of bringing out the best of them. To further elaborate, lifestyle roles/positions in life are quadrilaterals. Quadrilaterals are 4 sided figures. These include, but are not limited to, squares rectangles trapezoids rhombuses rhomboids…all a bunch of shapes that look different to our eyes…they’re illusions…but the truth behind them is that they all have four sides. Such is the nature of a person’s role and different lifestyles…As we are all quadrilaterals, no one shape or person is better or worse. These are just tricks for the mind from our reality. Take pride in who you are, what you do. Things look really different, and maybe seem better, in the life of another, but it’s just a look. Everyone is still doing the same thing: still living. People by default see only the different shapes or differences amongst each other, so that they may never be happy. Such is part of our default nature. We need to willfully rise above it. Systems like the caste system were put into place to preserve order, to force people to carry out their respective roles in society. There were the Brahmins i.e. the priestly class, the Ksatriyas: the warrior class, the Vaishyas, who were the farmers, then there were the Shudras(the laborers/craftsman). It was believed that the societal roles were inherited from merits or lack of them, in past lives. So that eliminates the "why am I this/doing that" thinking. In getting past that, you can now focus on moving forward, on bigger/better things. These systems like the caste system of old seem rigid and they are. But they closed people’s minds to what wasn't their concern or closed off jealousy/envy into other people's lives i.e. closed off to what was outside the realms of their concern. In a sense, by restricting a mind's passion for everything, they brought in focus into what could be changed or what the individual potential left the individual with. These old systems like the caste system are like a parent disciplining a child when they’re young. To get the ball rolling, to get the discipline established, you need to be a stern with it, or perhaps, practice rigidity. On a different note, in Islam, there are harsh punishments for crimes, harsh regulations for women...I mean as Islam in Islamic countries is not just a religion, but a system of law giving structure to society (as all religions aimed to do, going back ages, in uniting a primitive/animalistic/disorganized people, scattered across the world), you have people getting their hands chopped off for theft or some crime. It severely discourages the action. To avoid temptation for men, people of a millennia or two, ago, decided to hide women in long gowns and face/head coverings, where their faces are only visible to their families. Now that the ball is rolling, "we have time to think". Now that people are not as primitive/animalistic/disorganized, you really need to second guess these practices of old...understand why they were put in place, and ask yourselves if somethings just boils down to a weak mind that needs better guidance/training...Religion came into the world so that people would stop eating each other, killing each other, by realizing it as sin...(today, the immature ones amongst humans, have taken it from eating/killing each other, to mind reading/mind controlling others...imagine if these idiots used their intellects for the Golden Rule, to help their fellow man, to help just one of "the least of" His "brothers and sisters"...but I digress...)Religion told people, ultimately aim for a man and woman becoming one in marriage, promoting family structures and support systems for men and women and their offspring, in times where you have people screwing everyone all day/everyday and having kids that weren't taken care of, and a bunch of other chaos like diseases, etc. So, before my tangent, I said: "People by default see only the different shapes or differences amongst each other, so that they may never be happy. Such is part of our default nature. We need to willfully rise above it. Systems like the caste system were put into place to preserve order, to force people to carry out their respective roles in society." It’s expected that people think about, and hopefully understand: why things were done the way they were done. Even a child in passing years, in his/her older years, understands why the parent was hard in the beginning. As years have gone by, since what was implemented ages ago, you need to look at the meaning behind the roles. They close what’s irrelevant in minds, so that there isn’t chaos, and you don’t get distracted, in place of focusing on what lies ahead. Indeed how lucky we are today. The people to whom such systems originated, had it much harder. With respect to such big things affecting everyone, time isn’t measured as it is with the lifetime of a child. It’s measured across generations. Those people the systems and practices originated around, were the children. We are those children as they’re getting older. Despite this, we still have some severe versions of immaturity... With the passage of time, there are evolved teachings. You hear Christ say that each man(yes women too. saying man and woman or human, in place of man, as a term combining everyone, just doesn’t flow…i know in Spanish, when referring to men and women, they usually stick with the masculine form of the words…but I digress...anyway…) … you hear Christ say each man is priest(priestess) King(Queen) and prophet(prophetess) (—see what I mean…takes the flow out of writing and speaking). With respect to the older teaching of Brahmins Ksatriyas Vaishyas & Shudra - those were the four main divisions. There was another role that was outside the system of favored roles, and that was the role of the Untouchable. They handled all the dirty jobs in life. But the truth is, each man is a priest, warrior, farmer, laborer, 'and above all' untouchable ( i.e. untouchable for the sake of a label, because of the nature of their role, by the "perceived as" higher castes in society). Each human being has the responsibility of all those roles, in this day and age, where humanity is older. People are like analog signals. They don’t have fixed states like digital 1’s and 0’s or electrical charges. Roles are like ladders. You can go up and down. But doing the equivalent of jumping up, rushing out of place, risks the ladder falling down on you...or you breaking some of the steps on the ladder with your abrupt move, leading to you wounding yourself. The roles of old are themselves, nothing.

What I'm getting at is, do what all these Hindu and Christian roles represent. Follow the duties of "all those roles." Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty, like a Hindu Untouchable. At the same time, remember you are a king (going back to the Christian notion of priests/prophets/kings) who loves his neighbor to the extent that you are willing to be his servant in concept. By King, you have integrity and should act with it. Don’t let labels go to your head and don’t let them hurt/inflate your ego. Regarding societal roles or jobs, Everyone has to do something. It’s what keeps the world going. Why squares are squares or trapezoids are trapezoids, is a waste of energy. We’re like seeds in a field. Why it rains in some areas, why the sun shines more in others, who knows…they just do… say there’s a seed growing in an extremely hot area…maybe the surrounding plants that were already growing around it or that it found to be planted amongst, gave it shade and allowed it to prosper in an area where seeds usually get scorched by too much sun…maybe the seed kept rolling in the dirt and strayed from nourishment… to think of such "why’s" can only prevent you from "focusing on what’s ahead" as well as hinder your growth. Wherever & whatever your role is, there is no small, there is no big. Focus on your duty to God, self, others, in life. Focus on carrying out your duty. Be all that you are, to the best of your ability in life, while treating everyone else the way you would like to be treated, in each day, each situation, life throws at you.

---

so another thought...

Life is like a field and we are all seeds in that field, trying to sprout, grow, and become something. Why it rains in some areas, more than others, who knows. Why it doesn't rain in some areas at all, who knows. Why the earth under some seeds is more fertile.. who knows. Everyone has something and nothing going for them. As a friend once said, “I’m thankful for the things that I have, but also the things I don’t have. It’s what makes me, me.” Don’t waste time hating someone for what you perceive as them having and not having, because whatever it is you have/don’t have, are the tools you need to sprout, grow, and become something. After all, seeds do not waste time wondering what other seeds are doing.

---

0 notes

fear-god-shun-evil · 6 years ago

Text

How Do You Have a Relationship With God? 4 Ways

By Jin Qiu

Brothers and Sisters of Find the Shepherd:

I’m a Christian. Since I believed in the Lord, I have been enjoying the Lord’s grace and blessings, but recently I couldn’t feel the Lord’s presence. I didn’t feel enlightened when reading the Bible nor moved through prayer. When encountering things, I couldn’t act according to the Lord’s words. Losing my former faith and love, I felt confused and worried. What should I do to resolve my problem?

Sincerely yours, Zhao Xun

Brother Zhao Xun:

I understand how you feel. I had the same problem as you in the past. Later, through reading some spiritual books, I gained some light and enlightenment and understood some things. Your situation is the consequence of your losing the work of the Holy Spirit. If you want to recover the work of the Holy Spirit, you must establish a proper relationship with God. There are four ways for you to achieve that.

First, Practice quieting our heart before God.

The Lord Jesus said: “God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth” (John 4:24). From this verse, we know that if we want to establish a normal relationship with God, we should pray to God with a sincere heart, speaking words within the heart. When we honestly tell our actual condition and practical difficulties to God and reflect on ourselves before Him, we could be moved by the Holy Spirit and cause genuine remorse. In this way, we could quiet down before God. For example, you pray, “Oh God! I see many brothers and sisters sincerely expending themselves for You. But my stature is too small. I have so much baggage—my job, family, and future—that I cannot expend myself for You. I don’t know how to let go of my baggage. May You enlighten me and enable me to understand Your will and requirements. May You give me faith and strength so that I can obey Your orchestration and arrangement.” When you pray in this way, you are quiet before God. As God sees you pray honestly, the Holy Spirit would work in you, and then you will establish a normal relationship with God. But if we don’t open our heart to God when kneeling in prayer, but just say a few words carelessly and perfunctorily, even if we seem quite reverent from the outside, this is not being quiet before God and such prayer can’t be accepted by God. Besides, if we bring our demands and desires to make an exchange into prayers, saying unreasonable words, such prayers are not offered with a quiet heart before God and couldn’t be accepted by God.

Apart from quieting the heart before God when praying, we also need to be quiet before God and touch the Spirit of God with our heart when we read the Bible and contemplate God’s words. When we have true communion with God and live before God, we would be touched by the Holy Spirit and gain the work of the Holy Spirit. Regardless of what we are doing, whether we are praying, or working, or taking a walk, we should practice being quiet before God at any moment. As long as we constantly practice in this way, we could keep a normal relationship with God.

Second, recognize our true situation through God’s words, see our deficiencies, know the truth about our corruption, beseech God to save and cleanse us, and have a true burden for our life.

The Lord Jesus said: “But let your communication be, Yes, yes; No, no: for whatever is more than these comes of evil” (Matthew 5:37). From the Lord Jesus’ words, we know that the Lord required us to be an honest person who could speak the truth and do practical things instead of cheating and lying. Those who couldn’t conduct themselves according to the Lord’s requirements are evil-doers. In the past, I always told lies to seek fortune and fame. For example: to give pastors and elders a good impression, I always said words contrary to my convictions to flatter and fawn upon them; to make brothers and sisters look up upon me, I often said nice words when praying but didn’t put the truth into practice; once when I was on my way to the games arcade, I met someone and he asked me, “Where are you going?” At that time, I blurted out, “I’m going for a walk.” When I didn’t do my jobs properly or damaged something carelessly, I would use any excuse to avoid taking responsibility for my mistake. Gradually, lying became a constant in my life. Later, from a spiritual book, I knew that God likes honest people and detests deceitful ones; if we want to establish a normal relationship with God, we should abandon lies and practice being an honest person. In prayer, we should consciously practice speaking the truth within heart and truly communing with God; at meetings, we should cite God’s word in laying bare our corruption and accept the supervision of brothers and sisters; when associating with others, we should speak according to the facts; if there emerge incorrect motivations, we should turn ourselves back on them and accept God’s observation. When I acted in these ways, I felt at ease and lived freely and unrestrainedly. So, as long as we actually practice honesty and experience God’s work, our relationship with God would become more and more normal.

Third, give our heart to God and allow God to take over in all things, and obey God’s sovereignty and arrangements.

Giving our heart to God means to entrust our jobs, family, and life to God. No matter what happens to us, we should seek and pray to God, and then act according to His will and requirements. In addition, we should immerse ourselves in God’s work and spend ourselves for Him, acting according to His words in everything and obeying His orchestration and arrangement without our own choices. This is meant by giving the heart to God. Suppose we face the matter of children’s marriage. We pray, “Oh Lord! My child is given by You. Now, he has reached the married age. Rather than rely on myself to make plans for his marriage, I’m willing to entrust this matter to you and obey Your orchestration and arrangement. I believe what You arrange is the best.” After we make such a prayer, we should obey God’s orchestration instead of acting according to our own desire. If we say with mouth that we’re willing to submit to God’s orchestration and arrangement, but are full of complaints and even deny, judge, and blaspheme God when trials befall us, this isn’t giving our heart to God. As the Lord Jesus said: “This people draws near to me with their mouth, and honors me with their lips; but their heart is far from me. But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men” (Matthew 15:8-9). From the Lord’s words, we can see that God doesn’t like us honors Him with our lips but wants us to give our heart entirely to Him and give Him sovereignty in everything. Just take the three friends of Daniel as an example. When facing the danger of being thrown into a blazing furnace, they would rather die than worship idols (See Daniel 3:17-18). They had no choices of their own but made God their sovereign and satisfied God wholeheartedly; this is truly giving the heart to God.

Fourth, learn to seek and practice the truth in all things.

No matter who has said something, even if the person is someone with low status or we most look down on, as long as what he says accords with the truth, we should submit and accept it. But if what he said doesn’t conform to the truth, we shouldn’t accept it no matter how high his position is or how great his influence is. When we find that the co-workers have jealous disputes with each other, steal offerings, or do something harmful to the profit of the church, we shouldn’t turn a blind eye to these things, or act like it has nothing to do with ourselves, nor should we be ruled by status and power. Instead, we should stand resolutely on God’s side and safeguard the interests of the church. Only when we act in these ways, could we become those who are truly obedient to the truth. Now, in the church, there are many people worshiping knowledge and status, blindly listening to and obeying whatever the pastors and elders say. Their such behaviors just reminded me of the Israelites. At that time, the Israelites blindly adored the chief priests, scribes, and Pharisees; deceived by them, they followed them in resisting the Lord Jesus, and nailed the Lord Jesus to the cross, suffering God’s punishment and curse. In contrast, people like Peter, John, Matthew and Philip saw the work and word of the Lord Jesus were full of authority and power and came from God, and thus followed Him without being bound by the Pharisees; they were those who truly obeyed God and gained God’s salvation. Just as the Bible says, “We ought to obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29).

I believe as long as you practice according to these four ways, you could establish a normal relationship with God, recover the work of the Holy Spirit, and receive the enlightenment and guidance of God when reading the Bible and contemplating God’s words.

Sincerely yours, Find the Shepherd

#God #Christian #love

1 note · View note

strawberry-milktea · 7 years ago

Note

Hi! I'm one of your followers and I saw the post you reblogged about hell misconceptions and how it said "Occult practices are not harmless." I'm the anon who asked recently about astrology, personality tests, and MBTI, and I was wondering if you had an answer for me. I'm finding myself getting further away from astrology and more interested in MBTI which I consider an "improvement" but I'm still concerned because of Jung's occult practices

and Christians who say all personality tests are claiming humans know more than God does. Also, a personal thing I would like to share is that my former best friend completely changed personalities after getting a tarot reading, and this has greatly concerned me. Basically what happened was, we went to an amusement park and she strayed from the group we were in. Later I found out she had gone to a stand where she got a tarot reading and became very insistent that “everything the tarot card reader is true/coming true”. I don’t know what all the predictions were but at the time they seemed pretty harmless like one I do recall is she said the reader said she’d develop feelings for an old friend and she started liking this guy she went to middle school with. So I honestly didn’t see it as too bad at the time because it just seemed fake. But she then got EXTREMELY strange like she filmed herself burning a book of Bible passages and put it on YouTube, she began calling herself a “demon” and putting evil and disturbing images on social media, and posting things against God and Jesus that I can’t even type out without feeling physically sick. Like just pure blasphemous outrageous things that I honestly wish I could un-see because they were so sickening. Btw, she used to be a youth minister at our church, so trust me when I say this was a drastic change. My parents know about this, but my dad doesn’t think it’s actual demonic influences on her and she is just playing “The devil made me do it” excuse. I truly think she changed after the tarot event, but some people say “She was like that all along and just hiding it from you” which could also be true. Nothing surprises me anymore tbh and losing her was really saddening.Plus she began doing illegal drugs and drinking so maybe substance abuse had some impact on her psychological state… I honestly don’t know but I do pray for her and can’t believe this happened. My other friends got involved in similar stuff and I don’t talk to anyone from my high school anymore. They are the ones who ditched me, but honestly I sometimes feel better about not being associated with then anymore even though I am worried about all of them and still think about them. I’ve been able to see through a false prophet’s teachings, I have tried to abandon old beliefs that contradict Christianity, I am becoming more critical of things that go against God, and I am just trying to avoid “gateways” that could lead me to straying from God, mainly tarot readings and drugs since those are the things I see as having had the biggest influence on my friends (and luckily I do neither of those things though I have been curious about both, I admit). But I’m thinking there are things I was involved with that could potentially be bad that I’m only opening my eyes to now, like the zodiac stuff I’m trying to get away from, so that’s why I wanted to ask you about these things, no matter how “harmless” they seem to the general public. Thank you so much for your answers, I appreciate it and hope you can give me some of your advice and guidance. God bless you and thank you again! — Hello! I apologize for not having answered your other ask about astrology and MBTI yet. I’m going to work on that as soon as possible. What you’re describing about your friend is very unsettling and sad.. The fact that she has been doing drugs/drinking is something that I believe could have possibly opened her up to spiritual attacks because it serves to lower one’s inhibitions and can definitely cause people to behave in ways they normally wouldn’t:

“Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of mixed wine. Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly! In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights, and your mind will imagine confusing things. You will be like one sleeping on the high seas, lying on top of the rigging. ‘They hit me,’ you will say, ‘but I’m not hurt! They beat me, but I don’t feel it! When will I wake up so I can find another drink?’” - Proverbs 23:29-35

I know that when I’m feeling tired and weak, that’s when I often get spiritual attacks. Demons know when your guard is down and try seizing the opportunity to attack. So people who have lowered their guard with alcohol or drugs are prime targets. What’s also important to note is when people dabble with witchcraft/the occult, one means of attempting to communicate with spirits is the consumption of alcohol and/or mind-altering drugs in an attempt to “open” one’s mind. And I think the lowering of inhibitions can and does definitely open people up to spirits, but not any that are good or that you’d want to talk to. However, to someone who isn’t aware of the fact that demonic spirits prey on those who are unknowingly seeking them out, demons can masquerade themselves as whatever they want, even loved ones who have passed away. This might be getting a little off topic, but I think it’s something worth sharing. One prominent example I remember of demons trying to masquerade as a loved one in attempt to cause destruction involved this psychic named Sylvia Brown who used to go on various talk shows years ago and do “readings” for people and promote her books. One woman who came on her show wanted a reading about her daughter who had been missing for quite sometime. She wanted to know if her daughter was still living. The psychic insisted that her daughter was no longer alive. Reality was, her daughter was still alive. She was being held captive and eventually escaped. I do believe this psychic received that message, but she was clearly communicating with something that wanted to do all it could to keep this young girl suffering in captivity. It wanted people to think she was dead and give up on looking for her. And this is just one example proving how demons try to manipulate psychics/mediums in an attempt to destroy and further proof as to why mediums/psychics should never been sought after.I’m sorry to hear that this girl and the other friends you mentioned have turned away from Christ.. I hope they find their way back to Him and develop a true relationship with Him. It’s good that you still think of them and pray for them. Keep praying for them, don’t give up on that..It’s really good that you are able to recognize false teachings and have a desire to turn away from things that go against Him! It sounds like you are growing in your faith and relationship with Christ. I will give you a thorough response when I answer your question regarding astrology and MBTI, but the general statement I can make regarding that is something the world deems as “harmless” can very well be spiritually harmful. And if you feel convicted to avoid something, you most certainly should - no matter what anyone else says.

#God #asks #anon #misc asks

6 notes · View notes

tipsycad147 · 5 years ago

Text

Busted: 7 Myths About Witchcraf

For those of you who plan to come out of the broom closet or already emerged and struggle to defend your beliefs, I compiled the list below to help you address some common misconceptions and stereotypes about witchcraft with your loved ones and friends.

At some point, most serious practitioners of the Craft encounter an uncomfortable situation that requires them to either explain themselves or remain misunderstood.

Please note: As witchcraft takes many forms in the modern world in many different cultures, I use the word “most” very frequently because there are naturally exceptions to every rule.

It is not my intention to speak for every practitioner or pigeonhole the diversity of witchcraft and paganism as a whole, but to provide meaningful counterpoints to common falsehoods about the alternative spiritual practices often labelled (and self-labeled) as “witchcraft.”

Please feel free to leave accurate, respectful, fact-based additions to this list in the comments.

Myth #1: Witchcraft includes or is somehow related to devil worship.

The concept of the “devil” as Western society understands it emerged mostly from monotheistic Abrahamic religions like Christianity and Islam. Belief in the devil as a opponent of the God of Abraham remains a tenant of many faiths, and as a non-Christian, I absolutely respect that.

However, most modern practitioners of witchcraft do not acknowledge a satanic being at all.

(There are some exceptions. Witches of blended traditions wherein Christian influence imprinted the concept of the devil, or those who identify as “Christian witches,” may recognise an oppositional being known as “the Devil.” Most mainstream Christians recognise the devil as an entity also—that doesn’t mean they worship him.)

Although Christian thought leaders throughout history sometimes labelled pagan gods as the manifestation of the devil, this approach largely aimed to discredit indigenous religious practices and encourage pagan populations to turn towards monotheism.

For more information on this, see How Witchcraft Became Associated with Evil.

Myth #2: Wicca and Witchcraft are the same thing.

Many non-practitioners use the word “Wicca” and “witchcraft” interchangeably. Because Wicca enjoys relatively high popularity in the Western world, it’s easy to understand the confusion.

However, “witchcraft” is a blanket term, and under it, we find Wicca along with a whole host of other practices, including Afro-Caribbean traditions, Celtic traditions, Central American traditions, and many indigenous practices around the world.

To further the confusion, some Wiccans don’t practice witchcraft at all. Spell casting is merely one component of many, including the honouring of the moon cycles, natural living practices and the Wheel of the Year.

Myth #3: Typical Christians don’t practice witchcraft.

Well, they may not call it that. But I would.

During a traditional Mass, the priest is said to turn wine into the blood of Christ, and bread into his flesh. For some, this transition is meant to be symbolic. Many Christian traditions even interpret this transformation literally.

Either way, many practising witches would akin this and other common, mainstream Christian traditions to spell craft or at least magickal ritualism.

This comparison is not intended to offend Christians, but to point out that what practising witches do really isn’t that different, at least in form.

We use ritual as a means to commune with the divine and spell craft as a means to express ourselves to a higher power. We sometimes even use the words “spell” and “prayer” interchangeably.

If you’re Christian, and you’d rather not define your traditions as “witchcraft,” I mean no disrespect. But if you’re asking me what I call witchcraft, I personally don’t see a whole lot of difference between saying the rosary and chanting over an altar.

Then again, “witchcraft” isn’t a blasphemous slur to me.

So it’s easier not to be offended by it.

Myth #4 Witchcraft is an ancient religion.

Witchcraft is an ancient practice. The earliest cave dwellers left behind artifacts of shamanistic witchcraft (see The Sorcerer for a solid example) and it absolutely qualifies as a universal archetype.

If we accept Wikipedia’s eloquent-yet-simplistic definition of witchcraft as “broadly . . . the practice of and belief in magical skills and abilities exercised by solitary practitioners and groups” then all known cultures practised some form of witchcraft at one time.

Your ancestors were witches. Their ancestors were witches. We are all descended from witchcraft. No serious archeologist or credible human historian of any kind denies that.

Even the Bible recognises humanity’s ancient roots in witchcraft.

But witchcraft isn’t a religion at all. It’s a component of various religions, and many religions that acknowledge openly their use of witchcraft are actually quite modern (including and, perhaps especially, Wicca).

Myth #5: If you let your kids spend time with pagan children, they may be converted or enticed into practicing witchcraft.

In a broad sense (but with a few major exceptions, like Buddhism) proselytism or “enticed conversion” is a feature unique to, or at least most frequently employed by, monotheism.

For cultural as well as theological reasons, a monotheistic child is actually much more likely to try to convert a pagan child than the other way around.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that.

I’m just saying, that’s generally not how we roll.

Your kid might end up doing super scary things with his pagan friend, like stop playing video games for a half hour to go watch the stars, or learn how to compost properly.

But spell casting? Probably not.

Pagan parents usually feel a sensitivity as a community to non-pagan parents and we recognise that you may not appreciate us exposing your child to our beliefs.

We generally don’t even assume it’s okay to conduct a ritual with a pagan child who isn’t ours. We have no central doctrine; our traditions can be extremely personalised, varying widely from family to family even within the same coven or group. Therefore, we usually don’t assume what’s okay for our family is okay for someone else.

But if you have any doubts, a simple “We’re happy to send little Jimmy to your house, just please avoid any spiritual topics, as we prefer to discuss those things with him ourselves” will almost certainly go over just fine and get the point across effectively.

Most importantly, it’s not cool to exclude kids because of their parents’ religious or spiritual beliefs, no matter how much you disagree with them. So don’t.

Myth 6: Pagans/Witches are unattractive, ugly, socially awkward or otherwise make undesirable friends/partners.

Damn. Some people can be harsh.

For hundreds of years now, society invested a lot in creating powerfully negative images of pagans and witchcraft in general.

Think for a moment about the old, wart-speckled woman with gnarled, horrifically arthritic knuckles and bad taste in hats. (Can you stick a feather in that thing? Some ribbon? A little colour goes a long way, girl).

Now, the super nerdy, overweight, pock-marked middle-aged woman embodies the new stereotype of a sad, delusional person with a limited social life and nothing better to do than adorn her parade of house cats with exotic crystals from around the world.

Like any other stereotype, those people exist somewhere to confirm this image of witchcraft for you if you look hard enough.

The most open, flamboyant or expressive pagans present themselves like the most open, flamboyant or expressive people in any culture. They tend to go over the top. They tend to be very public.

And yeah, sometimes, they come off as kind of weird.

You notice these people because they are so public and loud, and you may get the impression that they are representative of the whole witchcraft world.

But the practitioners you might find more relatable often don’t have the luxury of identifying themselves publicly or even privately. They work in law, politics or public school teaching jobs that prevent them from speaking openly about their practices.

Or, they may just think it’s nobody’s business.

They dress like you do, they go to Starbucks, they’re obsessed with their !Phones, they set unrealistic New Year’s resolutions and they fret about their dating lives (aka “The Basic White Witch”).

In short: they’re mostly “normal” in every other respect. Or as “normal” as any of us get.

Myth #7 Witches are resentful of, or generally intolerant around Christians.

First of all, some practitioners of witchcraft consider themselves Christian.

However, if you had the unpleasant experience of being lectured as a Christian by a pagan witch, then I am very sorry about that. I find this hypocrisy embarrassing.

I hope it’s not common..

At the very least, know that we’re not all like that.

If it helps, please bear in mind that many people adopt a practice witchcraft after a bad childhood or early adulthood experience with Christianity. That experience, not the practice of witchcraft itself, informs their ideas and attitudes about Christianity.

I know of no formal tradition that teaches the hatred or intolerance of any religion, including Christianity.

I tell my pagan friends the same thing I will tell you: the best way to heal other people’s wounds or misconceptions about your spiritual tradition is to be the finest example you can humanely be.

It’s easier to swallow a tiny drop of compassion than ocean of bitterness or contempt.

Let’s all try to love each other a little better.

Blessed be.

https://moodymoons.com/2017/12/27/moody-moons-busts-7-myths-about-witchcraft/

0 notes

blessedarethebinarybreakers · 7 years ago

Text

Transcript of discussion on 1 Timothy 1:9-10, a passage used against LGBTQ Christians

I was listening to episode 13 of a podcast called Lord Have Mercy, which is produced by Crystal Cheatham, one of the people creating the “Our Bible App.” I really liked the second half of the episode’s discussion around 1 Timothy 1:9-10 (a passage you can read at the beginning of the transcript below), which is a passage used against LGBTQA+ Christians because of the frequent translation of one of its Greek words as “homosexuals.”

I personally find this a pretty easy passage to deconstruct simply by looking at it linguistically, which you can see at this post -- but this ep focuses on a contextual approach that is also beneficial.

So yes, I typed out a transcript of the podcast below for those who can’t listen to it / prefer to read it! The part of the episode that I typed out begins around 39 minutes in (the first half deals with the topic of sexual shame, which is interesting too!).

For accessibility, I tried to break up paragraphs into readable pieces. Note that the transcript is not a perfect rendition of every word: I left out a good number of “um’s” as well as places where the two people (Crystal Cheatham and “Rev. Sex”) interrupt each other with simple agreement words and sounds. But the actual context of their conversation is preserved.

For those who do not have the time / inclination to read the entire transcript, I put asterisks ***around the places that I felt were most important or powerful***.

(I won’t say I personally agree with everything they say, especially their discussion of the “law” aspect of the Timothy verses, but read / listen and draw your own conclusions.)

The transcript is under a readmore; let me know if you are unable to access it! If you prefer to listen to the podcast, it’s from May 18, 2017, episode 13, “Sexual Shame with Ryan Johnstone” -- find it at this link, or on iPhone / iTunes.

Lord Have Mercy Podcast

Episode 13: “Sexual Shame”

Questions for Rev. Sex starts at ~39 minutes in; that is where I start my transcript.

It’s that time of the show again, where you listeners get to call in and ask questions to Rev. Sex.

***It’s 1 Timothy 1:9-10, and this is the New International Version. It reads:

“We also know that the law is not made for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine.” ***

I have so many questions when I read this because immediately I think, um, it says “we also know that the law is not made for the righteous” – so what’s the law? who is the righteous? who is this talking about?

*** If this were being used to attack me, I would say, ‘Well that’s really interesting, let��s turn the page a couple more pages maybe to chapter 6,’ and so 1 Timothy, same book, chapter 6, five chapters later, starts with: “Let all who are under the yoke of slavery regard their masters as worthy of all honor, so that the name of God and the teaching may not be blasphemed. Those who have believing masters must not be disrespectful to them on the ground that they are members of the church; rather, they must serve them all the more since those who benefit from their service are believers and beloved.”

So, if we’re using a text that condemns homosexuality and yet not lifting up the enforcement and reinforcement of slavery just a few chapters later, then that’s a particular kind of inconsistency that I will not abide. So if we’re going to say ‘1 Timothy, it is our scripture it is our guide,’ then we are saying, ‘oh, we will condemn homosexuality and we will affirm slavery and we can just keep it moving’ – I don’t know any Christians who do that, so I am not willing to entertain an argument that says, ‘well yes, chapter 1 is absolutely right but chapter 6 we can just let that one slide.’ …For me consistency is one of the most important pieces of a theology that you’re going to use, especially if you’re using it to harm rather than uplift others. Um, so those are all different kinds of ways to come at the same thing. ***

I’m still confused though, like what does it mean when it says ‘we also know that the law is not made for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels’? So the law isn’t made for people who are already good? It’s made for people who are bad?

Well. That’s a great question, and I think that it depends on who the laws are made for, to be quite honest. When we live in a society where it wasn’t but a hundred years ago that it was illegal for two people of different races to get married, where we live in a society where it wasn’t but a couple years ago since it was legal for people of the same assigned sex to get married, when we live in a place where it used to be illegal for people of color to drink out of water fountains and where women didn’t have voting rights...

When we start talking about laws and what they were made for, I feel really, um, really hesitant because I want to start asking other questions about ‘whose law are you talking about?’ and what law in specific and who created those laws and whose image are those laws created because I have seen laws used much more to harm, um, and to maintain the status quo, and so if the status quo is white supremacy and segregation, um, or imperialism or colonization then my experience is yes, it’s about keeping people in line.

If we’re talking about sacred law, this is a reference back to Old Testament kind of law, I think it is very true that when we see in, uh, some of the, um, Hebrew Bible text where we have God mandating, you know, ‘Do not make idols’ that you can pretty much guarantee that was because people were worshiping idols and when you see all these commandments coming down, um, and assigned to God it’s because they are actively happening and so yes, if it’s about maintaining the status quo sure but my question is like okay but if the status quo includes women being property and children being able to be sold and bought, if it includes slaying your enemy and all of the living things and scorching the land like…there’s a little bit more that goes into that rather than just like, ‘The law was meant for those that break it,’ I think that depends on who’s in power and what they’re trying to do with that power.

(44:20)

Yeah I don’t know, this verse is very suspect…I also hate that they…I mean, we’ve established that ‘homosexual’ is something that was invented and probably not in the original text, right?

And I hate that those who, um, decided to throw in homosexuality threw it in along with, like, murderers and slave traders and liars and perjurers and it’s like, that right there is why in, um, school, like university policy books they’ll say that it’s bad – I mean like they throw in homosexual right along with all the other horrible things that you could be, like a pedophile, you know? and it’s just like, when, where do you get off saying that you know, just because you don’t agree with being gay somehow it’s along the same lines as being, like, a criminal.

Right, no, I mean even what is a criminal, right? because “criminal” changes dramatically over time. What is criminalized behavior in some places is seen as totally acceptable in others. So if we’re going back, like, for example when we’re talking about fornicators it’s like, well, if we equated having sex – as a culture, not talking just about the law – if we equated sex outside of marriage – which includes things like having sex with someone who’s not your spouse, cheating on people, those kinds of things – with homosexuality, those are not, uh, those are not punishable in the same ways. I’ve never yet heard of someone losing their job because they had sex outside of marriage –

or they divorced their wife--

[agreeing tone] --or they divorced their wife. So I think that, you know…it’s about that consistent application of belief, and I do believe that there are some very devoted Christians who believe that having sex or being married to someone of the same sex is equated with adultery, and they live very consistently those values across the board, but if we’re talking about law, and biblical law in particular... we get back to this question of biblical marriage.

*** Because, you know, for some folks who say, ‘it is our call to be celibate if we are gay and Christian,’ which I do not believe – but there’s a wide-spread, well, I think it’s faith…but I do think there is something that is very important about recognizing the ways that “biblical marriage” – I hear that so often from the religious right, around like “we support biblical marriage,” biblical marriage, biblical marriage – and the truth of the matter is that there are multiple, multiple formulations of biblical marriage. ***

So for example you have Levirate marriage, which is the time when, if a man dies without having a son, a child to like continue the name on

His brother has to step in!

Then his brother has to step in and marry his wife, even if she’s his second or third or sixteenth wife, and has to sleep with her

and make a baby!

and make a baby, and when she has that baby the baby takes the name of her dead husband rather than the person who literally fathered it, and it’s a kind of stop-gap measure to make sure that the lines are continued in their appropriate patriarchal [Avery’s note: I’d say more correctly patrilineal] structure.

But we don’t talk about that as part of biblical marriage; we don’t talk about….we have the beloved of God, David, who has so many wives, and Solomon who has so many wives and so many concubines (read slave, read harem)…you know, we have some of our founding fathers, right – we have Sarah and Abraham, who are trying to make a baby and that doesn’t happen and then we have Hagar who comes along as Sarah’s slave, as her handmaid, whom Abraham impregnates at Sarah’s request, and Hagar isn’t one of the people we mention as one of our foremothers because then God comes back and supposedly makes sure that Sarah has the actual legitimate heir. But those are two wives, and so there is this concubine slash slave-master kind of marriage and relationship that happens and it’s absolutely biblical.

We have multiple marriages like Jacob, who marries both sisters, right? Rachel and Leah.

***So there’s a lot, there’s a lot in terms of what is quote-on-quote “biblical marriage.” So to lift up this idea that it is forever, since Adam and Eve, been one man and one woman, I’m like, okay, so there were just Adam and Eve? then what about the next generation? Who did their children sleep with to procreate? Did God, like, magically impregnate the daughters of Adam and Eve to have, like – what do you do with that? There’s a consistency of logic that must be followed if you’re gonna proclaim the biblical marriage: you have to at least be consistent across the board, and then support multiple spouses of a person or, um, a levirate kind of marriage…it’s a lot. ***

Okay, so, you poke a lot of holes in this, um, verse, that people usually use to just hit gay people over the head with, and so, if the rest of the Bible confirms that, you know, this Timothy verse doesn’t quite hold water, then what are we to understand or believe about this verse? Like what the hell is it talking about? if it’s not saying…if it is so easily contradicted by other parts of the Bible?...

*** Oh beloved, I think there’s something….it’s actually really simple but it’s really hard to do, which is – this idea that we have to hold on to every single verse in the Bible as equally important and equally powerful is a really harmful one. It gets us really wrapped up in the wrong…

It’s a really hard thing to do, too!

Yeah! It’s wrapped up in the hard…in like, the wrong questions right?

So like for me when I’m thinking about the Bible, it’s important to understand some history about the Bible around, you know, it isn’t until a good forty, fifty years after Jesus died that any of the books that say “Jesus said” get actually written down, in a time when there were no podcasts, there were no video recorders, there were no, like, smart phones, you know? where scribes was what somebody wrote on paper who happened to be around – we have Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, nobody there had like, pen and paper recording Jesus’ prayer.

It is a very, um, oral tradition that is meant to invoke deep connection and creative engagement with something that is bigger than we can know and understand.

And so when we start drilling into “what is this exact word and what does that exact word mean?” rather than taking the scripture and saying, like, “what are my morals and my ethics around who God is? Is God a God of love? Is God a God of relationality, a God of life, a God of abundance? Is what we get from this book a God that is trying to judge us or is what we get from this book a God who is trying like hell to save us from all kinds of terrible possibilities?”

And when we get to that it gives a lens or a measuring stick, a rubric if you will, to be like, how do I take this verse? …Where does it fit in the lens of me looking for access to the Divine, access to life, access to hope and abundance and being the world needs, my authenticity, my helping others? – does this help or harm that, does it fit into that mold or not? ***

[Avery’s note: for more on this concept of reading the Bible contextually, focusing on some passages over others, see Austen Hartke’s YouTube vid “Are You Taking the Bible Seriously?”]

And I think that’s what Christians do when they throw out verses about slavery – we have now come to a place in our collective understanding where we understand that one human having ownership of another human’s body against their will is absolutely wrong no matter what the Bible says, right? so we can look at that and say our ethics and morals do not hold that, and we can let it go! and move on to the next thing. We don’t spend every Sunday or every Wednesday grappling deeply with what the fuck do we do with this Bible that says slavery is [right] – so why do we spend so much intensity and so much of our lives devoted to what do we do with where the Bible says that homosexuality is _fill in the blank_ “wrong” or “an abomination”?

I mean it took us a really long time to figure out that slavery was wrong, and it’s taking us a really long time to figure out that homosexuality is not wrong.

[Avery’s note: Not sure I agree with CC here; I think it’s cutting slaveowners too much slack to pretend they “didn’t know” slavery was wrong. I’m going to make a (USA-centric) post at some point with things I learned in Black Church Studies, including how slaveowners and their supporters in many ways popularized the literalist way of reading the Bible to further their own agendas.]

And like what I’m hearing from this conversation is that, you know, in order to move forward as a, uh, as a collective society, it’s three parts of coming together.

One is the Bible, one is God, and the other is us – like, we…but it’s also us one by one, you know? One by one we have to figure it out and then we have to come together in groups and we say yes, this is what we believe; and then those groups get larger and larger and they find other groups and then finally it’s just a pretty well known fact that, you know, this one thing that we have all figured out with our hearts and with God and the Bible is true.

Yeah!

And I don’t know, I guess that’s why conversations like this are important, conversations like the ones we have at GCN are important, I know a lot of people say that it’s not right that GCN has Side A and Side B conversations, but you know, we’re all on a journey, we’re all trying to get there and it would be ridiculous for me to say no, you have to be where I am because I have this, this and this. It’s like we really do have to let everyone else just like…get there.

Well, and we have to do our best to share what we know.

Exactly. Challenge each other.

*** Yeah! And for me, if there was one thing that is clear, it’s that God is connective of life. That God is perpetually and persistently, doggedly, after life and life abundant for all of creation. ***

Amen!

And if that is our rubric, then we are called to in accordance with that, right? And how does that fit? and that is the lens, that is the ethic that I read through the Bible. And there are things that I say “absolutely not,” and then things that I say “oh my gosh that was so life-giving, and yes to that.” …

I think it’s a lot more power than I ever thought about.

Yeah! I was gonna say the Methodists – I’m not Methodist and when I was younger I thought they were going to hell as a Southern Baptist [joking voice] – the Methodists have some really interesting stuff and one of the things that they taught me is this thing called the Wesleyan Quadrilateral. John Wesley was one of the forefathers…

*** and it’s this idea that there are four ways to understanding revelation, our God, and God’s experience.

And one is Scripture. And it is really important and it is always gonna be relevant and important to Christians and therefore we absolutely have to grapple with it.

The second one is tradition, and the Church, and what we learn through the beginning when Christians were underground, illicit group of people who were often criminalized because of their belief and their refusal to acquiesce to Roman Empire, um.

The other two get left behind and I think they’re super important for us as Christians to lift back up and one of those is reason, which is what comes out for me around consistency – it is unreasonable to take chapter 1 but not take chapter 6.

And the last one is experience, and that if God is alive and God is still speaking, then God is alive and speaking through our lives and our experiences, and those are valid understandings and revelations to understand our relationality to God.

And so that is the last one in which I feel we understand testimonies, as evangelicals, to be important – and yet we seem to be able to dismiss them whenever they are not in alignment with what our own lived experience. And I think that happens over and over again with LGBTQ people, so I just want to encourage folks that your testimony matters, your lived experience matters, your authenticity absolutely is critical and matters – and there are more than one way, it’s not just scripture, there are actually many ways to understand the revelation of the Divine, because it’s all around us! *** ...

Amen!

RS Yay!

[Theme music plays as episode ends]

#lord have mercy #rebuttals #1 timothy #1 timothy 1:9-10 #clobber claims #podcasts #transcripts #resources #avery speaking #queerly christian posts #context

40 notes · View notes