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nothorses · 5 months

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Hi! Since you have a Discord server, could you share some tips for both moderating and keeping the space active and free of toxicity? I am thinking of creating my own for a micro-comunnity, but I have no idea where to start (especially what basic action protocols to follow of someone breaks a rule or is reported as abusive in DMs and there isn't much concrete proof).

Thanks in advance. ;-)

Ooh, yes, this shit is my bread & butter! Here's the advice I'd give someone creating a new community Discord space:

Start with a very clear idea of what the space is for.

This is your reasoning for every single expectation you set & rule you enforce. If you cannot explain to someone why a rule exists, you shouldn't have that rule- and you probably won't have an easy time enforcing it anyway.

Ask yourself some questions upfront: is this a space for bonding over a shared interest? Is this a space for building community around a marginalized identity or experience? Why? Who does it benefit, and how does it benefit those people?

The transmasc discord server I run started as a space to build community for transmascs who could not talk about transmasc issues elsewhere, and is therefore a space for discussion of these issues first, a space to build community for a group that faces a lot of isolation second, and everything else third.

Ask yourself: what is this space not for?

Now that you know what your goal is, it should be easier to determine what is in conflict with your goal. If you're a fandom space, you should be asking things like: do you need a vent channel? Why? What level of venting is okay? How will you tell someone in crisis that this is not an appropriate place to seek help? (Or applied to other situations: do you need this? Does it serve your goal? How? Is there a line or a nuance you should clarify? How practical is it to enforce this line?)

Think about your role as server owner

Server owners have a lot of de-facto power, because that's how Discord is set up, like, functionally. Think about the worst server owners you have ever encountered, and ask: what could have prevented those servers from disaster? People make bad decisions without realizing how bad they are, and it sucks. And, frankly, communities shouldn't necessarily belong to just one person.

What is your responsibility to your community? How can you share your power with them? What can you commit to in order to mitigate that power imbalance?

I have some commitments in place within my server along the lines of like... we make decisions on the basis of consensus (if someone really disagrees, we talk about it and, if needed, figure out a different solution; we don't go with "majority rules", and I don't veto or whatever). If there's consensus among the rest of the server staff that I should step down, I will step down. Stuff like that. My staff know these things, which keeps me (and them!) accountable.

You should think about the role of staff in a similar way; they have power over users. How can you mitigate that power? How can you share it with users? What happens if a staff member abuses their power?

Start small.

Unless you have a massive following ready to join your new server right away, you're gonna be pretty small for a long time. Embrace it! Small servers have the benefit of tight-knit communities and a lot of flexibility; you can make changes super easily, and you can be really responsive to your community. Let them tell you what they want and need, and invite them into the process of shaping the space together.

I really recommend that you start with the bare minimum, and add new rules, channels, staff, etc. as the need comes up organically. This gives you lots of room to think and discuss, and it means everything you add is tailored to the actual people that make up your community.

To use my own server as an example again: we had like five channels when we started, and adding each new channel has been a conversation about why we're adding it, whether we can fit that topic into a different channel or if it's getting overcrowded, how it impacts the server atmosphere (heavy/negative channels really add up!), etc. Which means they're generally, like, not completely unnecessary and unused.

Think about scaling

As you gain more members, you'll need more staff (and more staff time), more infrastructure, and more consistency. There's no one perfect way to do this, but I want to name it because I think it's good to keep in mind; I've seen big servers who try to act like small servers and end up chaotic and under-moderated, and small servers who try to act like big servers and end up drowning in their own (completely unnecessary!) red tape.

Rule enforcement

I recommend having a blanket policy of "we reserve the right to kick you out if it's obvious that you're not here with good or honest intentions". Don't try to litigate every little thing with every single person; if they're not there because they wanna be a part of the community you've made, there's absolutely no obligation to entertain their bullshit. Being upfront about this cuts out a lot of "but I didn't technically break a rule!", and "explain to me exactly why you're doing this so I can argue it to death!" nonsense from bad actors.

I also recommend a blanket policy of "infinite honest mistake forgiveness". People forget, slip up, whatever; don't stress about it. Give them a reminder or a heads up and move on.

For the stuff in the middle, you'll figure out what systems work for you. I prefer DMing people about things; being specific, transparent, and offering support does wonders for most issues. Name some clear expectations if you're noticing patterns, and ask what you can do to help them meet those expectations. Assume they didn't mean to do any harm, and that they want to get better. Even if that's not the case, most people will rise to that assumption if given the opportunity (and if they don't, you can kick 'em then).

Encourage a self-regulating community

Do not get involved in petty bullshit!! If someone has an issue with someone else, your first step is always to ask yourself: is this something staff need to take care of, or could this be resolved with a conversation between these two people?

Oftentimes, even a broken rule is something people can sort out themselves. If someone forgot a rule or made an honest mistake, there is literally no reason that it needs to be you or other server staff telling them so. Encourage people to talk to each other! You will save yourself so much grief (and petty drama, and serious conflict) in the long-run if your community can talk to each other like humans.

Encourage people to set their own personal boundaries, too! If they have a unique trigger or a particular need, encourage them to communicate that need to other people. This also allows people to negotiate their own solutions to conflicting access needs, and prevents staff from "taking sides".

As a bonus, this will also make it super clear when someone is just an asshole.

Maintain the vibe!

Don't try to duke problems out in the middle of the server! It sucks, everyone hates it, and the people that don't hate it love it for all the wrong reasons. Drama breeds more drama, and toxicity breeds more toxicity.

I recommend telling people exactly where to take their disagreements, discontent, and emotional outbursts. My personal policy is: if you can't have a productive conversation or offer everyone else basic respect, you need to step back and cool off until you can. if you have personal beef with someone else, you can either talk it out in DMs, let it go, or block them and move on. If you disagree with a rule or how a rule is being enforced, you still need to listen to staff, but you can (and should!) bring that up in the appropriate channels to discuss for the next time it comes up.

We have the "ticket tool" bot- which is great for when one person wants to argue about stuff like that- and an "office" channel for all kinds of administrative-y suggestions, questions, discussions, etc. which is great for respectful disagreements/discussions. I recommend using Discord's "Time Out" feature to mute people if they won't respect a staff request to pause or step back, and even removing everyone's ability to post in a channel if it's getting rancid & you need to buy some time to figure out exactly what's happening and how to handle it. (Let people know what's going on when you do this, though!)

This is maybe the biggest thing for keeping a server active and not toxic, tbh. People do not want to spend time in a space that sucks! And while it's vital to make space for conflict to happen, that space doesn't need to be the same one that everyone else is trying to share art of their blorbos in. And that conflict should never be abusive.

(Note: not all disagreements are conflicts, and not all conflicts necessarily need to be stopped or moved! This is generalized advice; there's a lot of gray area, and you'll get a feel for it over time if you don't already have a clear idea.)

TL;DR:

Be thoughtful and intentional about exactly what you're trying to do and why. Be responsive and responsible to your community. Have as much patience & forgiveness for earnest people as you refuse to have for ill-intentioned people. Don't be afraid to draw hard lines in order to protect the space for everyone when you need to, and encourage people to talk to each other, enforce their own boundaries, and help keep each other accountable in kind and compassionate ways.

I think this sounds very big and grand because I have run a lot of servers and I am also drawing on some educational philosophy background, but like, all you really need to do is start with a clear purpose and go from there. You can be flexible and make changes as stuff comes up, and focus on having fun with the process and the community you're creating!

Good luck!!

#long post #lmao #I think a lot of server moderation is just. how to teach adults social-emotional skills #if I am being honest #I pull so many tactics- and often whole word-for-word phrases- DIRECTLY from working with kids #when I am Handling A Situation in a discord server.

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