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cerastes · 3 years ago

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Why do you think Doctor is popular amongst AK fans, Drimo? Is it solely because of the typical insert self thing all gacha protags have in common, or is it Being Into War Crimes and Silly Shit? Or a mix of both?

A number of factors, in my opinion.

Arknights is more of a niche game in terms of appeal and presentation when compared (and contrasted) with the rest of the market, and indeed, while it doesn't have the sales of products with potent, established IPs behind them (IE: Fate) or products that have a more mainstream appeal to them (IE: Genshin), it still does pretty well in terms of revenue because it has leaned into its niche and has succeeded in it.

You could consider Doctor a reflection of that design philosophy and output: A good deal of mobile games sort of force the angle of "you are a young person, not an adult yet" to the main character. Or it goes completely unaddressed and people just fill in the blanks however they see fit. With Doctor, the possibility of not being an adult is, well, astronomically low, but never outright impossible. This is not done by assigning an age or age range to the character per se, but rather, because of how the world treats them, and here is where I think Doctor, as a character meant to be our point of view into the world of Arknights, succeeds and ends up more interesting than practically everyone else: Doctor is part of the world's mystique, not a mere visitor to it.

Doctor is not a rando that got pulled into something bigger than them and now has to scramble and make allies to deal with it. Even from second one, when one might get that impression, it's immediately established that Doctor had their hands in the pie since a long time ago, these people aren't just getting to know you now, you are surrounded by a mix of characters that know you closely and others than have heard the stories. Amiya and Ace have already gone through thick and thin with you, Dobermann has only heard you're this absolute monster of a tactician, Scout knows you so well that he can lament what has become of you. Your character, Doctor, is not a visitor, a foreigner, they are, from second one, DEEPLY involved in the overarching story, with ties to several characters from the get go. The way the player is eased into the world from such a character is amnesia, which organically allows you to "relearn" the world, your duties, and what's going on.

The war crimes and silly bits, as you put it, are a big fruit born from the fertile soil detailed above, but it's not the war crimes and silly bits in a vacuum that make Doc universally popular, but rather, the way they are treated as building blocks of an ultimately more important facet of the story: Doctor is in fact part of the world, and not a mere visitor experiencing the world, and they have the characterization, loose as it may be in some regards (the silly bits and the bits open to interpretation) and rigid as it may be in others (the war crimes, the ties to Amiya, Kal'tsit, Flamebringer, W, and other veteran RI personnel, and other such bits that are NOT fully open to interpretation). Few things about Doc are set in stone in a way that you can't do whatever you want with them as a self-insert, while at the same time, there are some things that are inexorably tied to Doctor's role as a character, which are not merely informed, but rather, are built upon and developed constantly, intrinsically and extrinsically. That last bit there might have been confusing, so let me posit an example: If they were merely informed, we'd be told Doctor did some very very bad things in the past, but that's ok! You can be better now! It's the future that matters, we'll change from here on! But it is not merely informed, it is built upon and developed, we're told Doctor did some very bad things, but not to the character directly at first, rather, we hear discussion about Doctor's past, then it's ambiguously suggested to the character proper (usually, it's Kal'tsit that does this) that they were godawful in the past, and no one in earshot really denies it, but they weren't just godawful, they also had some very personable aspects to themselves, such as Scout saying that even after they'd become a beast of logic and warfare that treats the loss of life like a game of chess, Doctor still took time to have a drink with the likes of Scout and Ace, talk with them, hang out, to be supportive to Amiya beyond just the role of a combat commander, and other such things. The war crimes, thus, are not there to just say "Doc was Bad And Cool", it's treated in a tragic, solemn manner that has characters still try to find the good in them, and the effects of which still affect the characters to this day.

Doctor feels much more like a character than the usual self insert without really stripping away the freedom that comes with having a self insert.

To make a comparison, Mr. Sawyer, creator of Fallout: New Vegas, addressed a more self-contained but similar example in a bit of introspection regarding the game, particularly about how people liked Courier Six more in the DLCs rather than the base game. He rationalized that it is because Courier Six in the DLCs has a lot more humanized dialogue that allowed certain things to be set in canon, so long as you said them, about their backstory. Little things, peppered throughout the DLCs, such as having kids or having been to a certain state before coming to the Mojave, as well as far less generic dialogue, such as colorful insults and other such more personable lines of dialogue or expressions of surprise compared to the very bland and direct Courier Six of the main game, whose dialogue they made with the intent of being a blank slate and thus had to be as uncharacterized as possible so people would fill their own blanks. In relation to what we were discussing about Doctor, you could say that Courier Six in the base game feels more like a visitor to the world, while Courier Six in the DLCs feels like they are part of the game mystique and the game world's, like another character in the narrative over whom you have control more than a complete blank slate over which to project into.

The market trend always favors self-inserts, it always has and this likely will never change, especially in anime style games, given the very self-referential nature of media from Japan and its influence in its neighboring countries (such as Arknights in this case, being a game made by a Chinese developer), but one cannot deny the impact and resulting popularity from self-insert characters that are still a part of the world's mystique rather than being mere visitors to it, as this has an audience as well, a specific subset of the self-insert, if you will. I think Doctor belongs in this category, and enjoys the benefits that come with it, thanks to being well written.

#paragon arthur #long post #ended up a bit longer than I wanted but hey #arknights #doctor

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jessiebanethedragon · 3 years ago

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Commander?

Summary: Reader ('Mech') Is a member of CT-9904's unit and is sent to Ryloth instead of fighting with the insurgents. If only either of them could figure out why he made that call...

basically empire Crosshair is falling in love with the reader and is fighting with the chip's influence, the reader is falling as well. This is what happens when she see's the aftermath of the engine injuries.

Warnings: the reader gets choked, but not like in that way, reader is mean to crosshair, crosshair is mean to reader (ie neither of them know how feelings work)

Ryloth is grossly humid, you hate the way it feels with your plastoid armor on. The dark colour of it and your blacks underneath certainly don’t help either. And the fact that you’re still seething over your delegation has your teeth so clenched it hurts. Senator Taa is driving you insane as well, the fact that you’re playing the part that any trooper could be is driving you insane.

You didn’t get the nickname Mech for nothing. The modified electrostaff that hangs on your hip is evidence of that. The pop of your knuckles out of boredom has Syndulla and his clone looking at you.

“Something to say? Admiral Rampart asks with a glare. The kind that makes you stand straighter and fall in formation. When an answer doesn’t come from behind your helmet he sighs before adding. “You’re dismissed.”

Back in your sorry excuse for barracks, your armor is thrown against the wall. Starting with the stuffy helmet, the sound it makes when it hits the stone isn’t enough to satisfy your anger. So as you strip off each piece of the remaining plastoid it too, meets the interior of the Ryloth cave.

Screw him. Screw your commander. Screw the nerf herding Clone that sent you here. You hate him, you hate the way he speaks to you. Like he’s always looking for a weakness. You hate being here playing guard dog while they chase down the insurgents. And what you hate the most is the insecurity that lingers in your mind.

Why didn’t he think I was good enough?

You were the only one left behind, the only one sent to Ryloth ahead of time. Perhaps for one too many snarky comments. Perhaps because he doubted your abilities.

You’re so angry you go as far as striping out of the empire regulated blacks and into your civilian clothes. Which largely consists of your old baggy tactical pants that are so worn down the hues of your favorite colour are faded. But you still stuff the pants into your combat boots anyways. The top is less top-like and more like a piece of fabric that is long enough to turn into some kind of thing resembling clothing. It’s not exactly high Naboo fashion, but it’s a hell of a lot less warm than your kriffing armor.

You take to fixing the scope of his sniper rifle. You’re tempted to leave it broken, Maker knows how it happened in the first place. But you’re desperate for a distraction, a challenge, anything to take away the sting of being left behind. It gets fixed all too quickly, and you have to resort to tinkering with the calibrations in order to pass the time.

The door opens with a whoosh and the Commander and the rest of your team find you lounging with your feet up, scope in hand looking positively annoyed. Everyone tenses when you lazily get up, and walk over to them without saluting.

“That doesn't look like your uniform to me.” He says, the anger crackling through the helmet. And while everyone else has taken their helmets off, you can see them hesitate.

“Well considering the planet's demilitarizing, it didn’t look like it needed a commando to me.” You snap, the week of annoyance coming to fruition all at once.

“What did you just say to me?” He asks, stepping closer and bunching his fists. Your hand goes to your electrostaff, and his to his blaster. Weighing your options, you decide not to sign your death warrant today. Instead you reach into your pocket and grab the newly fixed scope. Not passing up the change to shove it into his chest.

The second your hand collides with the pastoid he moves like lightning. The scope clatters to the ground adding to the noises of surprise that your comrades make. Some of them move to help you, but think better of it. By the time your brain catches up your back has already hit the wall, a durasteel hand around your neck.

“Apologise.” He grits out. The green visor burning out your retina, and your hands scratching at his vambrace. You splutter around the hand, and he lets up a little. Just a little. The logical part of your brain is screaming at you to say the two simple words.

“I take it you failed to catch them then?” You say instead. And the hand tightens again, making you slap his forearms, he doesn't let up and somewhere your brain registers someone gasping:

“He’s going to kill Mech!” And with that, you collide with the floor. One hand bracing yourself and keeping you off the actual ground, and the other cradling the tender skin.

“You three. Out.” He snaps, and the sounds of footsteps rush out the door. Looking up at the Commander, you see the helmet watch your comrades hustle out, before he moves further into the barracks. Collecting a jug of water and a singular cup. Clutching both in one hand, he uses his other to haul you up. Still gasping you try to struggle.

“Calm down.” He says plainly. “I’m not going to hurt you”

“I think you understand why I'm not inclined to believe that.” You wheeze out, as he leads you to one of the beds and makes you sit on it. Before pouring water into the cup, and hesitantly handing it to you.

“Drink.” he barely gets the word out before you’re snatching the substance from him and gulping it down. You cover yourself in it but you don't really care. Pausing to catch your breath again, the fog begins to clear.

“No toothpick?” You mean to tease, but when you ask he walks away from you. That's when you catch it. There’s a piece of his armor that's discoloured from the rest. Not so much that it needed replacing, but enough for you to notice. “Commander?” You ask, and watch him shake his head ever so slightly. Only turning back when he hears you get up and stagger towards him.

“Sit back down. You’re injured.” He winces slightly at the sentence. Almost like there's a part of him that hates himself for hurting you. Funnily enough it's the same part that convinced him not to let you on that mission.

“I think you are too.” You admit softly. “Let me see.” You push. And he grumbles and mumbles before taking his helmet off.

His hair has been shaved off - even shorter than it was before. But that's not what catches your eye. What you stare at is the gaping injury on the back left side of his head. And the way he scrunches his nose and turns away shows you something you’ve never seen from him before.

Fragility, fear, embarrassment and maybe a multitude of other emotions fly across his face. When he opens his mouth to say something your brain kicks into gear.

“Sit down. Let me tend to it.” You demand. He tries to protest.

“That's not-” “Just let me see it.”

“I’m fine-” “You need bacta.” You’re still trying to lead him into sitting down, and he tries to argue more before finally giving in.

“I was cleared from the medbay you know.” He grumbles, and part of your soul does cartwheels when he listens to you and does actually sit down. And you almost like to think you’re the only person who he does listen to.

There aren't nearly enough bacta strips to double wrap the area like you wanted, but it’ll do until you can restock at a proper Imperial medbay.

This isn’t the first time you’ve been this close to each other, and it isn’t even the first time you’ve touched the commander's face. The first and only other time was in the depths of space. Everyone else was passed out in exhaustion after mission after mission. But you two, neither of you could sleep. And you could see the scrunch in his brow of anxiety and pent up adrenalin. And somehow, some miracle happened and after much convincing, you sat on the floor of some hallway, and he let you rub calming circles into his temple. You can still feel the way his hands held onto your forearms gently, like he was afraid you’d hurt him, or maybe he was afraid you wouldn't hurt him. Or maybe, just maybe, he had wanted to hold you.

“I should’ve been there.” You whisper while dressing the wound. It probably looks worse than it is but guilt is still eating you alive.

“You were where you needed to be.” He states. Taking his gloves off while you move from behind, to beside him as you finish with the bacta. Still analysing the wound and the rest of his face. He almost wants to smile, they didn’t call you Mech for nothing.

“Why did you send me away?” You ask. Closing your eyes when you feel a hand come up and caress your face. It's so gentle it’s almost like it's not there at all. Your heart feels like it's exploding with each beat. Why did this always happen between the two of you, why were you like magnets for each other.

And why did he always have to push you away after?

“I’m sorry,” He tells you when he grazes over your neck. “For that,” another swipe of a gentle hand. “But not for sending you here. Evidently I made the right call.” Fingers rest under your chin, tilting it up. When your eyes open, his are finding the part of you that you worked so hard to bury.

“You should be. It kriffing hurts.” You try to joke, to hide your feelings. But it comes out dry and cracked, a reminder of his anger moments ago.

“You learned your lesson then.” He snaps. And yet, the hand that goes to your hair is still gentle.

“Don’t leave me behind again commander. Or it’ll be the last time you see me.” It’s not a threat, but his eyes darken as if it is one.

“Good soldiers follow orders.” He hisses.

“Good thing we’re commandos then.” You shoot back. He closes his eyes and sighs, his hand leaving your face. It takes something with it, and you feel at a loss. One of your hands travels the regulated blanket that you’re sitting on, like it’s subconsciously searching for him.

Instead, he stands up and walks away.

“You should be resting.” You grumble at him, also standing up, if only to cross your arms in annoyance.

“I was cleared from the medbay.” He repeats himself, reaching for his helmet, ready to block you out again.

“Those droids clear out anything with a pulse. You need time to heal.” Hesitantly, you pad over to him, your hand stopping his when he goes to put the helmet on again. As if on instinct his other hand goes to your throat. But he stops himself when he sees the marks from before.

“This isn’t allowed.” He whispers, bucket hitting the floor. His hand moves onto your waist like a different person is in control of his motions. “I’m sorry.” He says again, fixated on the markings on your neck.

“It’s okay.” You tell him, moving closer. Sighing into his hold and the cool armor on hot skin. Looking up at your commander with blinking eyes. If someone was to walk in now, you’d most likely be executed, or exiled at the very least. But it doesn't stop his bare hands from moving, one on your hip where skin meets skin outside of imperial rules, regulation and armour. The other goes to your face again. Why does he like it so much? What is it about your face that is addictive? He tries to imagine a different face, a different person having this effect on him.

He can’t.

“No.” He says against your lips when they almost touch. And you tremble in rejection, a blank face covers the part of you that's crying. You’re so close to him, to something real, something other than war efforts or the Galactic Empire. You ignore him, and try to lean forward again, but the hand in your hair moves to place two fingers of your lips and push you back. And you know he feels your lips stutter and breath hitch as you contain a cry. His hands leave you completely as he steps away and puts his helmet back on.

“Shame.” You say bitterly, and you’re not proud of what happens next. Maybe you’re too smart, maybe you shouldn’t have read his file when you hacked into the database to find those chain codes. Maybe you shouldn’t have let him hurt you first.

“I liked seeing your tattoo.” You add, watching the helmet glare at you. “It’s a Crosshair, right?”

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oleanderblume · 5 years ago

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Okay more spinel

Because her character is cool and I like her.

So let's get on with this.

I know a shut ton of people heavily relate to spinel because she has an ostensibly relatable backstory, but also because she represents BPD to a rather miraculous extent. And I am in the mood to explain WHY.

So, when a lot and I mean majority neurotypical folks hear of BPD they think "this person is abusive and dangerous" obviously that's not always the case, the ironic contrast I have been seeing is that despite spinel's character typing, people are falling head over heals for her while at the same time; if faced with someone who actually does have BPD they would probably feel threatened by them. More on that later.

Anyways, how does BPD work? Why is spinel a decent example for someone with bpd?

Bpd or borderline personality disorder is a trauma based disorder characterized by extreme paranoia, fear of abandonment, social withdrawal or lashing out, excessive emotional eruption (feeling everything very loudly and all at once, but only short periods of time), general lack of identity and purpose, and spiraling among other things.

Because borderline personality stems from trauma and abuse, usually neglect of some sort, the person who has it has an innate urge to please others, a desire to be seen and heard and cared for heavily contradicted by their unstable fear and paranoia surround the people they most care for, that contradiction is what causes emotional outbursts and spiraling.

So, let's apply this to spinel in a way that's understandable aside from just pointing out the similarities in the disorder and her characterization.

Spinel has a history of prolonged abuse, despite gems living for thousands upon thousands of years, spinel is relatively young in comparison to her primary abuser, pink diamond. (Because spinel was made for pink and thus existed after pink)

Pink diamond is also her primary source of companionship. To put it into time relevance, pink is like a twelve year old, and spinel is like a 6 year old.

Spinel's only goal is to entertain and be a friend to pink, but she relies heavily on pink to be consistent in her approval of what spinel does as entertainment (truthful) and she relies on pinks companionship for the relationship to function as it's supposed to. She gives entertainment and companionship in return for approval and companionship.

The balance became off kilter due to pink wanting other than that companionship, a colony, and lack of proper communication leading to her manipulating spinel into playing a game she could not win.

Pink didnt communicate her disapproval of spinel's behavior, which in turn exasperated her own enjoyment with spinel, leading to that manipulation.

This lack of communication spurs the desire for approval in spinel's character, she wants to be good and a friend, was lead to believe she was, when in reality she wasn't, in her eyes. The realization of this began to dawn on her after pink left, but likely before Steven's message ie:

"Is this how it goes, am I doing it right?"

Spinel spent 6000 years in the garden waiting for pink to come back, under the impression that if she continued to play the game, correctly, that she would eventually return. Hence, her desire to be seen as a good friend who obeys and entertains above all else.

This is why she displays a deep desire to be a good gem be good at her job, and why she feels that she inherently isn't.

After she receives Steven's message, she is forced into the realization that the game didnt matter, pink wasnt ever going to come back, from her perspective, pink didnt care for her or want to be her friend, which causes spinel to feel like she is a bad gem, that she doesnt do her job, that she isnt good enough.

Spinel has received only the information from the broadcast (I am including the book reading in this because it sets up the broadcast scene and white diamond speaks to the screen directly after) she knows very little about the rebellion, or the war, only that pink made new friends, had a son and didnt come back for her withing the numerous perceived opportunities she could have. This aspect is important, as if the broadcast told the whole truth, spinel likely would have understood a bit more of the gravity of the events that had taken place.

After spinel learns of pinks new friends and Steven's existence, this is when her severe neglect and abandonment as well as a loss of identity kick in, she is filled with rage, despair and self loathing.

Spinel has lost her identity, her purpose, because she feels she isnt good enough for what she was made to do, despite being a perfect cut, she is nothing, all she will ever be is nothing, nothing to pink, nothing to anyone, nothing to herself.

After having no companionship and no means of safe emotional outlet, spinel is effectively blindsided by the sudden and impactful amount of pain and hate she is feeling. She has no way of confronting this emotion, and she doesnt know how to confront it so she does the next best thing, vent it out on people who were closest to pink, her best friends.

Essentially spinel cant focus her rage on pink diamond because she is gone, so instead she will focus it on the people who, to her, took pink away from her.

Now, given spinel's self deprecating nature, she likely had no real plan afterward, more than likely, she fully intended to be poofed, rejuvenated or shattered. After all, she is nothing to pink, and she is even less to Steven, she doesnt deserve to exist.

From observation, the speed at which she arrived on earth from after she heard the broadcast, she was likely having a severe mental breakdown and spiral, which can be incredibly hard to get out of when one has low self esteem and no proper means of emotional release.

A spiral is when a person (or in this case a character) becomes self deprecating and an increasingly more volatile rate, they are incredibly hard to get out of because the mental illness doesnt allow positive thought, the person will feel bad for their actions or feel bad about trauma or failures and will continually throw insults at themselves or those around them for trying to convince them differently.

Spinel spirals twice in the movie, the most excellent example is her paranoia of being abandoned leading to irrational thought and self depreciative spiraling and lashing out as a means of emotional protection.

I'm not really going to speak on the middle of the movie because it essentially rehashes that emotional trauma and neglect I mentioned earlier, the only difference is that is is comparable to a person with BPD who has effectively repressed those traumatic memories and is slowly reliving them, which subsequently causes a major relapse.

What I will say however, is that some other common symptoms appear in spinel like they do with folks with BPD. Spinel has an fp. A favorite person basically.

Folks with BPD often pick a companion of theirs and become extremely attached to them, they care incredibly deeply for them, and can also feel incredibly betrayed by them when they dont act in ways that the person is comfortable ie; displaying traits that can, to the person with BPD lead to abandonment.

Folks with BPD also tend to tailor their personalities for their companions in order to receive that approval they desire most.

Spinel displays this fairly effectively when she lashes out at Steven when he tells her to stay with the new crystal gems, she also displays the tailor trait when she mimics amethysts actions during the nobody else duet.

Finally, when spinel reverts back to her dark form, she displays the other symptoms of BPD, hesitance to trust, then blind trust and desire to please, her paranoia over Steven leaving her, and the subsequent spiral leading her to lash out in effort to protect herself from more emotional trauma and eventually dropping out of her spiral and then the final, trying to leave before abandonment can happen.

This is a fairly important one, as a lot of folks with BPD tend to feel that abandonment is an eventuality, and another form of protection from that is purposely distancing oneself and leaving before that abandonment can take place.

Spinel, after her second spiral is still very much traumatized, and still very much self destructive, has low self esteem, despite wanting to be better, so to spare herself the pain of facing people she has actively harmed in her worst moments, and to spare herself from what she believes is an eventual abandonment, she desires to leave and start over.

Do I think this is healthy? Mmm..no. mostly because I know that folks with BPD have an incredibly hard time breaking paranoia, low self esteem and self destructive behavior. I definitely dont think that spinel should have left with the diamonds because they have no idea what she is capable of and what she has been through, or how to deal with her self destructive behavior in a healthy way. They arent even able to completely overcome their own abusive behavior so..no, I dont think it was a good decision to have her go with them. But that doesnt really matter right now lol.

What matters is; spinel is a good example of what it is like to have BPD, she is a good example of the low self esteem and self destructive behaviour people with BPD have. She is a good example because she isn't seen as a completely lost cause by Steven and the others, despite what she herself believes. She has an acurate portrayal of the trauma that develops bpd, the symptoms of BPD in an easily digestible way and she isnt portrayed to have these issues completely resolved by the end of the film.

She very VERY quickly jumps into another relationship that can very easily be destroyed by either the diamonds or herself, and still struggles with low self esteem and the desire to be approved of by Steven, and the diamonds.

She isnt fixed by the end. But she doesnt get treated as a terrible person either.

Most people who talk about BPD who dont have it themselves very often say that they are inherently abusive, and overlook that persons trauma. That doesnt happen for spinel, Steven sympathizes with her trauma, despite largely being sidetracked and not fully indulged in helping her for her sake, rather than helping his own needs.

It's understandable and infuriating at the same time. Because the type of person spinel is, requires a different approach and a far more delicate one at that, something Steven hasn't had the same quite of experience with yet. Which is what largely caused her to spiral the second time. And it wasnt until Steven realized how selfish he had been that he was able to even make a proper and not misleading connection with spinel.

So there you have it, my analysis of spinel, why she portrayed BPD very very well, and how bod is a largely misunderstood and stigmatized disorder.

#spinel #bpd #steven universe the movie

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dojae-huh · 5 years ago

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i have a question regarding the 'progression', so to speak, of jaehyun's image. from what i've seen and from what you've mentioned, there are several factors that led to his current (prescandal) image: 1. growing up (hormones) 2. jaedo/dating 3. & SM pushing the ~first love~; he's considerably more reserved than before, & im curious to hear your thoughts on how much you think those things influence how he acts vs any innate tendencies from his personality he has to share less about himself (1/2)

basically, if he didn’t have to hide being gay or push SM’s image, what do you think his more """natural""" persona would look like? (2/2)

----------------------

There are other factors beside the need to pretend being heterosexual: the idol image and the proper Korean citizen. SM’s policy is to teach their idols to be polite and sophisticated, they are taught how to behave and act before cameras and on the programmes. Everyone note how humble and respectful NCT members are, they always bow deeply, remember to thank the staff, etc. And partly it comes from their kind, well raised selves, but this politeness comes with its own shackles. When an idol is insulted on the programme by a person from the audience or some older guest talks about a matter they disagree with, they can’t defend themselves or state their own opinion. Some, like Doyoung, are able to both stay civil and express their opinion, but it’s hard and not possible in every situation. Heechul gets hate for protecting himself and publicly talking about hiring lawyers to sue antis who trashtalk on the internet.

We know that Jaehyun likes to argue from other members and him asking forgiveness from Doyoung, but I don’t recall him ever doing it before cameras. We see him getting his way, not succumbing, in other ways. Including mafia games and Tae’s story about Jae pouring a cup of ice cubes under Tae’s shirt in retaliation.

The first hidden trait is stubborness and having opinions. Jae prefers to keep silent. Because he is an agreeable person and an introvert it’s not that hard on him (we agree to disagree).

The second trait: Jaehyun is weird and easily excited. I’m talking less “I’m a cute baby on a small bicycle” and more of “look, the cookies are my eyes!” (let’s bother Doyoung-ie by messing up his interview). The attentive fans know it, because he regullary shows it during games. He is very playful in nature, likes to tease and behave silly, making others laugh. He tones it down more and more. Which is a loss. I good example and visual representation is his energy, faces and the body shake during this dance practice.

Jae’s honesty and disregard to society’s opinion make him not care about his every move. He will follow his feelings, forgetting about watchful eyes. It applies to the way he is around Doyoung. A good example is him patting Do’s sheens in the Boss backstage video. What interview? It’s time to touch Doyoung-ie and smile stupidly. The way he deals with it is tensing up and focusing on “not acting”. It’s similar to “be silent”. Basically, as he can’t lie and pretend, he does nothing instead. Look how quickly Johnny made him lose his MC professional face.

I don’t think it’s SM that pushes the “ice Prince”, it’s Jaehyun himself. He naturally has a bitch face, so all he needs to do is to not emote, be in a collected state.

Yuta said Jaehyun knows what he needs to do (in the future, for the future). I think it was about his personal life, sacrifices, the preservation of the image, etc. Basically, the way to balance everything, make it work.

Jaehyun is playful, but not an airhead. Jae “talks seriously and deeply about life” with Yuta, Mark and Johnny. His idol image is sweet mainly. He doesn’t touch on serious topics, societal problems, etc. He is a visual, not a person with unpopular opinions, ready to disagree and criticise society.

To sum it up, “natural” Jaehyun would be silly more often, more talkative, tease not only Doyoung, stand by his opinions and argue, say gay jokes and in general not be princely (that “tuuna, tunaaaa” episode) and refined (this cake looks like an ass and not a peach).

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dhiabori · 4 years ago

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GRIEF IS A CUCKOO THAT SINGS TO ME ―

well,,, the series i planned hasn’t materialised yet, so my first original post is going to be something from one of my other wips, the sevenfold throne.

for some context: julien is the crowned prince (IE prince regent) of erymthia, a country which is being torn apart by civil war. not only is he suffering from an illness analogous to TB, but he’s been captured by tatian de carachelles, the scion of an ousted dynasty and leader of the opposition. tatian’s husband, camille, used to idolise julien, but now hates him due to a jousting accident that left camille needing to use a cane to walk.

CONTENT WARNINGS ― internalised ableism, collaring, burning/branding, illness

Tatian hasn’t said yes. But Tatian hasn’t said no, either, and he hasn’t made any attempt to hide Julien, not even bothering to lock the door. He doesn’t need to; the chains keep the crowned prince confined enough, mostly drifting in and out of fitful sleep.

Lingering in the doorway, Camille watches, tries to bite down the hatred bubbling in his chest. His hips ache — they always ache, but this ache sits differently, an acidic kind of pain. A bodily memory: his mother dragging him down the stairs, you will come to dinner tonight, falling — Tatian belongs in this ache as well, but hazier. His words of comfort can’t soften the screams etched into Camille’s damaged socket, scraped in by the ball: what have you done with our son?

He remembers the first time his father took him riding after the accident. The pain had been blinding, but he still wanted to please his father, smiling through tears, clinging on to that bloody horse even though the sound of its hooves echoed through his injuries. He remembers, that was the last time his father smiled at him.

That was the last time his parents loved him, and as much as Camille can say he hates them (he does, but it isn’t enough), he doesn’t need them (he doesn’t, he has Tatian, but it isn’t enough), his hips aren’t the only thing that aches. His heart does too, pulsingly, crying out for lost love.

What right did Julien de Vere ever have to take that from him? What right does he have now to sleep, curled into a corner as if the wall will provide him some kind of comfort?

Tatian hasn’t said yes, but Camille knows his husband, knows how careful he is. The absence of a no is good enough.

He steps into the room, leaning his cane against the bed. Of course, Julien’s chains don’t stretch that far, keeping him confined to his corner, but taunted by those luxurious furs, silk-soft sheets, oceans of blankets and pillows. It’s only what he would’ve been used to at Chatelet Cœurcheval, but some part of Camille thinks — hopes — the glimmer of unattainable hope makes his situation all the more miserable.

Still, Julien sleeps, I disturbed by Camille’s approaching footsteps. His breath comes in pitiful little gasps, ragged-edged and futile; if only that sound could evoke anything but concern in Camille’s chest, noticing how fever-sheened his skin is.

It’s what he deserves, says the pain in Camille’s hips, dull and unyielding. It’ll just make him easier.

“Wake up.” Camille tests the command; he isn’t used to working so directly. Usually, his little flock stain their fleeces for him — only the ones he wants to see unravel completely get a personal touch.

He isn’t expecting a response yet, much less Julien’s eyes snapping open, backing up against the wall. His mouth moves soundlessly, forming a word — Camille.

Now he’s got this far, he’s suddenly at a loss for what to do. Words crawl up his throat like broken glass, cutting words, you ruined my life. You crushed me, you made my parents hate me, you ruined my life so I’m going to ruin yours. A tide of hurt threatens to overwhelm him, but he can’t afford to let himself drown. Not when Julien is still watching him, wary, still somehow regal with a collar around his neck.

Glancing back at the bed, Camille has a sudden idea. He can’t crouch anymore, but he pulls up a chair, leaning back as if he can’t feel Julien’s terrified gaze.

“Would like a proper rest?” Keeping his voice low, he remembers, I was so hopeful. You built me up, you told me I was good. You didn’t stop me.

“Camille, I’m sorry—” Even now, even raw and scared, Julien’s voice his laden with a pity that makes something vicious in Camille’s chest flare.

“Answer the question.” For a moment, he strains to keep his voice civil, swallowing down his throatful of broken-glass words. Then he shifts back to calm, almost honeyed, leaning in until he can feel the heat radiating from Julien’s skin. “Do you want a proper rest, on that bed? With those warm furs, that soft mattress?”

Julien swallows, barely masking the pained exhalation that follows.

“Yes. Please,” he murmurs, the second word tacked on clumsily, and this time Camille does get some paltry satisfaction from the fear in his eyes.

“Good.” Reaching out, Camille almost cups Julien’s cheek, withdrawing the comfort at the last minute. You let me do it. You told me you’d keep me safe. “If you behave, I’ll let you.”

Now Julien’s eyes fill with confusion, apprehension. He tries to back away, but there’s nowhere to go, the wall keeping him at Camille’s mercy.

I’m going to enjoy this, Camille thinks, because he has to. He needs to.

Tatian hasn’t been so cruel as to deprive Julien of warmth; despite the mountain chill biting at the window, there’s a fire crackling beside Camille, a poker sticking out of it. He reaches for it almost mechanically, realising his hand is trembling, the glowing tip wobbling.

You want this. The voice isn’t coming from his hips anymore, but from his chest, a hollow, gaping pain.

“Head up.” Julien does as he’s told. He’s shaking as well, a vein in his neck straining as he tilts his head up, exposing where the collar has begun to chafe at his warm, dark brown skin. All the while, his eyes are fixed on the poker, pupils expanding to velvety pools of fear.

Camille brings the poker to Julien’s chest. Slowly, slowly; his breath is pent-up in his chest, unable to fill that hole but building, building, building, clamouring for a release —

As soon as the poker bites into his skin, Julien flinches away, a yelp of pain tearing from his lips.

“No, no, none of that—“ Hooking a finger through the ring of Julien’s collar, Camille drags him forward. He can feel the shudder that rocks the crowned prince’s body, practically taste his delirious terror. Yet what he doesn’t feel is any kind of ease, any salving of his burning chest. Perhaps he just isn’t hurting him enough. Not as much as Julien hurt him. “No screaming, either. I want you absolutely quiet.”

“Camille, please, I’m sorry—“ there’s that pity again, there’s that hot surge, don’t you dare, don’t you—

The poker bites into Julien’s skin again, rough, instinctual. He tenses, biting his lip against the pain, but he doesn’t scream. Doesn’t move away, only shakes, the smell of singed flesh filling air as Camille pulls the poker away.

Staring at the burn he’s created, an angry stain now mingling with faded scars, Camille still feels no better. The hole in his chest gapes, a beast unfed, or at least — unsatisfied.

More, it whines, a pulsing in his fingers, the poker hot in his palm. More, more. Make him understand.

“I used to look up to you,” Camille murmurs, allowing the poker to trace the collar. “I used to want to be you.”

Julien shudders beneath him, the faintest whimper slipping past his defences.

“I said, none of that.” Tugging the ring again, Camille drags the collar over raw, newly burnt skin. He should be relishing the show: Julien desperately biting his lip, tears welling up and spilling over, body trembling with the screams building inside him. “You let me put my name forward for that joust. You let me ride into that ring. You let me get crushed!”

With each spilling of hurt, he jabs the poker into a new place, hoping to feel better, to feel something other than lost, scared, hurt. Even seeing Julien undone, tear-stained, not even trying to resist anymore, only opens a deeper chasm in Camille’s chest.

He can’t breathe; there’s nothing left to breathe with, only a hollow, a crack running right down Camille’s soul. He can’t breathe, because his throat is full of broken glass and it hurts, it burns and scrapes through his vocal cords, leaving him dumb. Blind to the room, blind to Julien, feeling like he’s teetering on the edge of a precipice, clinging to normalcy with cracked fingernails. There’s shame there too, bubbling like bile in his stomach, shame that this is all he is: a broken, terrified, hurting child.

“Saints, why don’t you—“ Camille’s breath hitches, tears spilling over, the poker wobbling dangerously. “Why don’t you fight back? Why don’t you scream?” Because you asked him not to, whispers that same, demanding voice, and now Camille screams, raw, frustrated. “Do you know what happened to me after you’d washed your hands of me? My parents wouldn’t look at me! They wanted the old me back. They wanted a son you killed!”

He’s still teetering, gasping through tears, chest burning with years of pain. Fumbling over the poker, Camille hears it crash to the floor, but the sound barely registers, fingers closing around thin air.

“It’s your fault!” Nothing to hit with anymore, so he just punches him, wild, so giddy he misses the first time. Even watching Julien reel, gasping for breath, does nothing to close the gaping maw of anger and pain.

Somewhere at the back of his mind, he knows what this is. Grief. A monster he’s nurtured for years, birthed prematurely but nursed back to full, roaring health by his pain. Somewhere in the back of of his mind, he registers that Julien has started coughing, shoulders shaking with the effort of suppressing a wrenching fit. But the thought is only a whisper, drowned out by the screaming monster, his mind-cuckoo: more, more, more, more.

He has no more to give. No more anger, no more pain. Only exhaustion.

Slumping forward, Camille shudders with sobs, hardly aware of Julien’s struggle for breath. After all this; he’s back where he started, still feeding that monster, letting it’s two-note song of anger and inadequacy ring in his ears.

“This was supposed to make me feel better,” he chokes out, to nothing more than his own tear-blurred knees.

The hands come from nowhere — or rather, a space beyond Camille’s awareness, tender, folding him into an embrace.

Julien.

Camille can still feel his abdomen spasming with coughs, eventually petering out into frantic, shallow breaths. The grief-cuckoo screeches its indignation, calling the comfort pity, but by now he’s too drained to care.

There’s a hand in his hair, rocking him gently as he cries against Julien’s shoulder. If it didn’t feel so wrong, it would almost be soothing, almost be enough to drown out that grating song.

“I’m sorry, Camille.” Julien’s voice sounds far-off, painfully hoarse. “I mean it. I should’ve stopped you, I knew how dangerous it was, and I just — I let you do it, because I wanted to make you happy—“

A breathless beat.

“What I mean to say is, you’re right.”

Camille’s head snaps up. Only Tatian had said that to him, you’re right, your pain is right. He doesn’t want to accept it, but — he’s tired. Tired of anger, tired of grief, tired of it all, every corroding drop in a river of pain. A river that’ll never completely run dry, no matter how many dams he builds.

As bitter as it is, he feels a little lighter, sobs beginning to recede into wobbly breaths. A headache grumbles behind his eyes, but for one blessed moment, his mind-cuckoo is silent.

Slipping out of Julien’s embrace, Camille’s shaky, done — though he isn’t teetering anymore. He knows where he stands, and it’s on solid ground.

Only now does he glance back at Julien, still kneeling, arms dropping to his sides with a kind of numb detachment. Camille’s eye immediately goes to the burns, pink and livid; the skin around them is slick with sweat, wracked by pathetic little shivers. Pity, then, can work both ways, because he realises it’s the emotion settled uncomfortably on his shoulders, telling him Julien needs rest, probably a physician.

There’s a power in pity. Even more than in dealing out pain, there’s a power in shoving the poker back into the fire, knowing he could turn it on Julien at any moment but he won’t, because —

The voice beyond the cuckoo scream says the pain will never leave, not truly. His hips will always ache, worse as he stands; his chest will always be at least one fifth hollow. But the same voice insists he won’t find any healing with the poker.

“You held up your side of the bargain,” he says, kindness coming clumsily. Julien glances up, at first disbelieving. Then he collapses in relief, fearful tension dissipating.

Camille pulls a key from his doublet, unlocking the chains. Clink, clink, they fall away — and he doesn’t feel like he’s made a mistake.

Falteringly, Julien stumbles to his feet, lurching forward as his legs almost give way beneath him. He’s unsteady as a newborn foal; Camille finds himself having to put a hesitant hand on his arm, steering him towards the bed.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, over and over again as he all but collapses onto it, nuzzling into the furs. “Thank you, I’m sorry—“

What can Camille say? He can’t just accept the apology, some part of him clinging to his hatred of Julien de Vere, the arrogant, dazzling crowned prince — but another part of him can muster at least pity, if not something softer, for Julien who’d held him, told him he was right to be a grey.

“Sleep.” Is all he can come up with, collecting his cane from the side of the bed. All they’ve done is change the field of war; many more battles are brewing, he knows, the mind-cuckoo starting to whine again. Yet — the stakes have been lowered. Fight to hurt, not to maim.

Perhaps they could reach a truce one day.

#whump #internalised ableism tw #captive whumpee #burning/branding #collar #revenge #emotional whump #illness #les amoureux #oc: julien #oc: camille

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purplesunrisefanfic · 4 years ago

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Honey and Freckles for the ask game?

Thanks for asking: Hope you find the answers interesting! 💜

Honey - favorite term of endearment?

I use babe most frequently but I think that’s partly generational slang bc my bestie and I have been saying that for years rather than bc it’s a special favourite.

I would say my faves are the regional terms used by ppl in/from different parts of the UK. It’s hard to explain why the same words simply aren’t the same to me in the relevant accent and dialect, especially bc a lotta ppl are probably gonna be like “some random older dude calling me ‘pet’? Gross,” but someone from the relevant regional culture using these terms just, it’s like it’s a different word, like a homophone bc I suppose it all almost is the sense that in NW England pet = “anyone I don’t actively and openly despise.” In certain areas “my lover” is the same. I actually worked with a chef from Devon and it was one of those things where he called me “my lover” and it meant something different that, if any other colleagues had called me that it would have been like wtf, but again, it’s regional and you can even hear the difference in meaning come across in the accent. So my favourites to hear are the authentic old and region-specific ones from people speaking that region, which is ironic bc on paper from anyone else I wouldn’t call them ones I especially liked: Duck, Pet, Love, Hen, My lover.

BONUS: I bloody love the uniquely British way of using “Mate” as a combined 3-in-1 exclamation, term of endearment and expression of sympathy/empathy/concern or execitment (sympathy etc or excitement depending on what you are reacting to and how you say it.) It can literally express all of that in a one-word reaction.

Freckles - most-worn article of clothing?

Oh good one. So first thing to mention is that I have medically-induced major weight fluctuations. I’m on several medications that each (as side effects) alter appetite, tastebuds and metabolic factors: some one way, and some the other. So whenever any one medication is altered, it can go either way. Sometimes I have periods of unplanned weight loss but overall the trend has been towards SSRI-related weight gain. And for the last couple of years we’ve been regularly actively changing my meds fairly regularly in an attempt to find a medication that is effective without (other) debilitating side effects. So the TLDR of that issue is that any given item of clothing doesn’t tend to last very long because my weight has varied by over 5 stone in just the last 3 years. So let’s talk in general. These are the items that I always wanna have:

Black (ideally ribbed) vests with proper (not spaghetti) straps.

I always rock these. They somehow look less basic on me than they should do in theory. If that makes any sense?

Any dress with pockets.

A God Tier and sadly rare item that is precious and, once found, will be worn at every opportunity. I prefer some bright colours, bold patterns, fun skirts and a length just above the knee, but when pockets are involved I’m very open to compromise.

Checked and denim shirts

I’m blaming queer culture for this.

Dungarees

You might think I’m gonna blame queers again, but this time I’m actually gonna blame the ‘90s. I was born in ‘91 and these were the first item of clothing I remember finding really striking. I associate them with getting shit done and taking control and being able to fix or upgrade your own shit. I think of a trend that my people (ie working class, and class is a hella big deal still here in the UK) rocked better than any catwalk ever could. I think of women and I think of femininity on our own terms. Dungarees, ah mate, dungarees just have so much of everything going for them: the pockets, the practicality, the look, the culture.

BONUS: I own a necklace that is also lowkey a genuinely functional flogger and obvs that is a big fave.

#about #ask game response #anon #You never realise just how intensely British you are until you write something thinking about how a global following will read it #my preferences #my britishisms

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demyrie · 6 years ago

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I've seen you talk a lot about love language, and it's something I'm slowly but steadily learning. I have a question about it! What can you do if you know someone who has a very incompatible love language with you, or who reacts poorly to your love language? Multiple times now I've had friends who would get almost hostile towards my ways of showing care, and its so upsetting to me that i sometimes stop being friends with them. It then makes it hard for me to show my love to other people (1/2)

Oh what a wonderful question. I adorelove languages as a concept, because they’re as diverse as the peoplewho “speak” them. Which might be why ... this definitely turned into an essay.

First off, sweet thing!! I’m sorry tohear that you’re getting that kind of reaction from your displays ofaffection! It can be really, really discouraging to be brave and openup to somebody, or offer affection, and get backlash or a negativeresponse … it does teach us that maybe there’s something wrong with what we’re doing, but you have to remember what dialect of love languagepeople are coming from and what your affection might “look” liketo them out of context.

Speaking Across Love Languages: It’sKind of Like the Dog and the Potato!

In case you haven’t seen this wonderfulthing that originated on tumblr, it’s a therapy dog who brings her crying person a potato, andit’s crushed hearts around the internet because of this generalhilarious sentiment: I don’t need it, but thanks it means the world inthis awful, awful moment.

And it’s funny, because animals offertheir love or care language and while it often doesn’t translate(thank you cat but I did not want this dead worm? Ok?), we are ableto gush and cry and appreciate the pure and whole effort itself,in and out of context, because “they don’t know any better”or “they’re just doing them dude” but we don’t offer the sameunderstanding to the people in our lives.

People learn affection in differentways and it differs greatly based on not only culture, but all theabundances and lackings you’ve experienced in life. We are programmedfrom an early age to value what we value, when oxytocin is runninghot through our developing little brains and wiring it with themental-emotional-chemical definition of LOVE that will follow usthrough our days, for better or worse. It can make both giving and accepting affectioncomplicated.

What Matters to You?

Make no mistake, many walk on this Earth without a clue what their love language is. To some that come from physicallyaffectionate households, cuddling and physical closeness is theheight of comfort. I love a good hug and I cuddle like a champ. Topeople who come from homes where they were rarely touched, however,being given a Classic American Comfort Hug might invoke anxiety …or they might crave it more than anything because they never had itwhile young.

To others, maybe their parents madethem food when they were sad and so cooking and the effort of itmakes them feel loved and cherished (see: my dude). To some, likemy dad, valuing someone’s time is the greatest sign of respect, andif you showed up late for something you may as well have spit in hisface. Conversely, the most important thing to these folks is justDOING things together. Doesn’t matter what, just time, and time spenttogether, is what matters, which perplexes Personalized Affectionpeople like me, who are left wondering why the fuck dad asked me tocome to home depot with him with no explanation because he’s takingtime away from the gift picture I was drawing for him???? which by the wayhe won’t show “proper” appreciation for, because really he justwanted to lurk around home depot with me.

(My dad is weird.)

Love Language and Miscommunications

So, something bad happens, we wantcomfort, and the people around us don’t respond the way we want themto. They don’t hug us, or say what we want them to say, and we takeit super personally and feel jilted or abandoned. We think, whyaren’t they comforting me, why are they purposefully ignoring ordenying me, without considering that people learn and enact comfortin different ways and under no circumstances can they read your mindand desires.

(I’m gonna share an epithet from Rae andmy struggles, as I’m sure she won’t mind.)

There was a time in Undergrad when @rainbowstarbirdrealized, in the process of discovering that we were indeed quitefucking depressed and mentally ill, that we were living in completelydifferent worlds. Our repressed personal problems fit together like avery awful tessellation of trauma that dug deeper and deeper withevery year: I feared being smothered and controlled and she fearedbeing abandoned, so every time I pulled away in fear, she ran forwardin fear, with both of us having no idea why we were getting so angryat each other, or why we felt like we were constantly in danger despite beinghonors students and on scholarship and good life and affordable housing and etc etc.

My comforting love language has alwaysbeen providing things for people and taking care of their physicalbodies. We were still struggling to be friends through all this and Ialso leaned heavily on my role as caretaker in order to divertattention from my own pain, so if Rae was upset, I would make herfood or tea or just ask if she was hungry. Rae, on the other hand,dissociates severely when triggered and the only thing that cananchor her is physical touch, and her top priority is having a lovedone sit and spend time with her to prove she’s not alone and hated.

Worst Case Scenario: Lost inTranslation

I come in and Rae is a lump on thecouch. The air is thick with some kind of tension, which Iimmediately interpret as personal resentment and I get triggered as shit bythe ongoing mental tape of everything you do isn’t enough, but I recognizethat she isn’t feeling good. I ask her if she’s hungry. She says no,and doesn’t say anything further because she’s afraid of being needyand giving me the chance to deny her and confirm her fears that yes i hate her okay bye. I, at a loss, say I’m gonnamake her tea, because I want to take care of her in some way.

So I head into the kitchen and leaveher alone and suffering on the couch, saying, in her language, that Idon’t care about her one goddamn bit. I come back with a mug ofuseless caffeine that she didn’t need, which she doesn’t drink, whichupsets me because she’s refusing my love language, which makes mefuck right off to my bedroom to fume because well I tried,leaving her alone again. Everyone suffers. And I mean everyone.

(so much suffering)

What the Hell Happened?

She prioritized time, which I wasn’tgiving her, because I didn’t just want to sit on the couch next toher and be awkward and useless, I wanted to help her (ie: do something for her).I prioritized actions and gestures, which she saw as incidentalthings, human shrapnel, and rejected because she had no use for themwhile so deep in her own belief that she wasn’t loved because Iwouldn’t even sit next to her and keep her company while she was obviously in pain.

See how fuckedthat is? We were not only failing to speak one another’s languages, but our actual languages ended up triggering each other. Bad. Bad!!!!

Now, the first thing I do is ask if shewants a hug! I tell her I will sit with her for as long as she needs,whether we’re playing video games or whatever, and reaffirm that Ilove her and value her. Now, when I’m in a State, she’ll ask if I’veeaten, because she knows the first thing I do when I start dipping isskipping meals to punish myself. She brings me tea and badgers meabout food, and of course cuddles me to kingdom come, and mostimportantly she smartly, altruistically, and respectfully asks mewhat would make me feel loved in that moment, and goddamn if that doesn’t make me feel loved in and of itself.

Becoming Fluent in Another’s LoveLanguage

The key is realizing your companions’love language and understanding how it fits into your own, if itdoes. If your partner’s language differs from yours, you can eitherappeal to them using their love language or try to recognize how whatthey’re doing for you expresses their values and try to be cognizantof those actions. In my mind, taking the effort to learn yourpartner’s love language is the height of devotion and appreciationand wooing.

It is such a powerful thing to say“this makes me feel loved!” or “This is really important to me,which is why I thought you might like it!” It feels … selfish,almost, or egotistical, but with affection you are offering ofyourself. There’s room for you to be involved!

And there is no “wrong” way to loveor show affection! The only way things go wrong is if your unmetexpectations are hurting you, in which case you might need toreevaluate either where those expectations came from or the personyou’re with and the way they treat you (EX: wanting someone to checkin with you 20 times a day with “i love you you amazing creature”texts is on a different level of expectations from I would like mypartner to listen to me when I talk and she doesn’t, am I beingoutrageous?) or if the person you’re wooing is upset by the wayyou’re showing affection. For instance, some people don’t like hugs,and it takes two to hug, and sometimes it just bes like that. Find what makes them feel loved (which is also something you are comfortable and happy doing)!

It may take a little bit ofnegotiation, and it’s difficult at first whenever enacting somebody’slove language doesn’t “do” it for you, and of course youshouldn’t force yourself to do something that feels gross to you toplease another person (nononononononono), but we are very plastic, trainable creatures.I get what I call feedback happiness whenever I do something I knowmeans the world to Rae, even if it doesn’t push my buttons, and shetakes pride in knowing that I like tea when I’m sad, etc, and that inthose moments my love language takes priority because I’m in need, and that I’m worth it.

Effort is love, sometimes. Most times, really, but the high is worthit :)

All This to Say: Get Talking!

It definitely sounds like there’s somebarriers or misunderstandings between you and those you’d like to befriends with … I remember back in the day, glomping was the heightof affection theatre and I fucking hated it (v sensitive about my neck and also fast motions and loud noises), but didn’t know how toask my friends to stop because I thought it was that or They Hate Me. I don’t believe there’s anyone you “justcan’t be friends with”, but you do have to sit back at a certainpoint and ask yourself if any relationship is fulfilling you enoughto continue it. If you aren’t finding pleasure and excitement in thebond or there’s no good compromise/effort between you to work on it,it may not be a priority to pursue.

So, I’d ask my friends – hey, youknow last time I did X, I wasn’t trying to scare you or make youuncomfortable. I guess I wanted to become closer, and that’s whatcloser means to me. Is there a way I can show you affection thatdoesn’t throw you off? What do you like to do? What makes you feelspecial? (Because I would like to make you feel special.) Encouragethem to talk about what they like and let them understand that you’re willing to go out of your way to communicate your love in a way they’ll Feel and Hear, and there’s pretty much no better feeling in the world than knowing someone likes you like that.

I’m sorry this turned into an essaybut!!! Important!!! I wish you the best of luck my love, know thatthere’s nothing wrong with you or how you relate, but that relatingtakes two, and takes time! Seek to understand what might be stopping them from seeing your affection for what it is, and come up with a compromise or shared language you CAN utilize.

I hope this increases your happiness and worth and makes you feel great because thats what friendships should do! Murr!

#trauma #love language #relating #mental health #depression #important #demyrie talks #figuring out a shared love language #Anonymous

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thetimeoftomorrow · 6 years ago

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Rant on VLD

Voltron is disappointing because everything is rushed and the result is a fucked up plot and questionable character developments. They could have dragged it out longer, in fact would anyone have complained? If every single character received a season just to focus on their growth, everyone would have been fucking happy. Like production would definitely be happy I mean more seasons mean more money. If they want to argue about pay and working hours in the studios that's another thing that should be settled within so don't bring it into this argument that touches on their script writing.

VLD fans would have gladly continued the series just to watch each character get their screen time, receive proper development and have active representation. This isn't about ships, like I personally ship Klance but that's not the reason why I'm upset. I'm upset because Voltron had all the potential in the world to educate people and normalize issues such as disabilities/LGBTQ/mental illness etc. To be so much more like they said they would be. That's a whole new other area I don't want to delve into considering what they said/promised so let's just focus on the production of Voltron.

Like the eight fucking seasons. You think eight seasons are enough to give accurate/proper character development? If you count main protagonists ie the paladins, you already have six of them, not counting supporting characters and antagonists. Each of the character has a history, a present and future timeline. You probably need several episodes to lay out their past, show how it gave them their current personality, show how events they go through in the present affects them, and then how it changes their future. And that's just the character themselves, not counting the ripple effect in their social circle ie friends, lovers, families etc. How the hell would eight seasons even be enough for character development (considering the depth they're trying to go for) when there are so many characters with different stories and personalities? If eight seasons isn't even enough for character development, how the hell is it going to be enough for the overall plot; let alone more sub-plots that hint to the major plot?? There's so much to fucking touch on just the protagonists I can't even-

Shiro with his PTSD itself is already such a huge fucking thing that could have taken up one entire season. Who the fuck goes through torture/experimentation, see their friends/comrades get dragged away/killed, be forced to fight and kill monsters + innocent (maybe) civilians for sport in a gladiator ring, and be able to walk around without being triggered? You're telling me Takashi Shirogane would not flinch when he sees his metal arm glow? That Takashi Shirogane would not back away when he hears the whirring sound of a pod because it reminds him of when the druids are preparing to inject him with more quintessence and painful shit? That Takashi Shirogane will see a giant fucking space craft filled with aliens who were complicit in his torture/abuse and keep a cool head/decide: cool imma fly up there with a bunch of underage teenagers and whoop their ass in an alien lion space ship to protect a planet that left me to die, lied to all my friends and family about my death, tarnished my name (a big thing for the Japanese which hah was never fucking touched on) plus strapped me down after I crash landed to conduct tests instead of rushing for medics?

Takashi Shirogane, as a proper character with the actual proper fucking memories, would not have survived ANY war in Voltron just based off his PTSD alone. And it's not like his PTSD is light because when the fuck is there a PTSD that's light? There could have been a whole segment on the team learning what triggers Shiro and how to better help him (which links back into the real world on how you treat veterans/people with PTSD), could have built better teamwork, shown what a positive supportive system looks like, educate on how one should seek help or react but no. It couldn't be done because there are only eight fucking seasons and this is just one aspect of Shiro as a character. What about his Japanese lineage? What about Adam which the creators openly promised/said was his boyfriend? This whole fucking thing is blank and that's just for one character!! ONE.

What about Allura dealing with her xenophobia towards Keith being a half galra (like did no one realise if you just made it all about race it literally is her being racist and judging someone based off their race instead of how they were brought up as a person)? What about Lotor and his problematic relationship with his father (Zarkon basically tried to kill his son because Lotor wouldn't listen to him - parental abuse?), his exile and his journey? What about Lance and his issue with being the fifth wheel, of not being good enough or likeable enough no matter how hard he tries aka self-esteem/insecurities? What about Pidge and the bullying she suffered for being a nerd, exploring how it made it difficult for her to connect with people, relating it back to real life on how people get bullied for being smart/nerdy and how it's somehow still a shameful thing to be "too" academically inclined? What about Hunk and his anxiety issues/worries that he voiced but were brushed off, just like how some people are ignored on a daily basis? What about Keith and his entire process of dealing with losing his father, losing Shiro; touching on the healthy way to truly cope with loss and how to help people who are suffering? (There's still so much more like the whole fucking LGBTQ part but let's not go there yet)

And these are just the fucking main six. We haven't even gotten to all the others like Kolivan, Lotor, Coran, Romelle, Shay etc. There was so much in terms of just educating people that this show completely missed. And yes, the fucking point is that it should have been shown on Voltron because Voltron is a children's show. It is meant to educate children, and teach them things that society doesn't like to openly discuss or even mention.

How many fucking parents would sit their child down and talk about mental illness or let alone teach their kids how to help/support these people, when most of the time they themselves don't even know how? And children are known to mirror: they see a character being mean and they learn it's wrong because that character learns from their mistake and apologises. That's the whole fucking point (and if you come swinging with the whole if the characters are gay then the child will become gay cause they mirror: news flash bitch what they're mirroring is the concept of love, not a sexuality. Character falls in love with other character because they make each other stronger. Child mirrors and wants to fall in love with someone who helps both become stronger NOT with a particular gender. Not that fucking difficult to understand people).

In summary, I am not angry about ships; why would I give a fuck about the ships? Like YES they're amazing and it'll be cool if it was canon but not all ships are going to sail. That's why fandom writers/artists exist. You can create the world you wish to have, and bring life to whatever ship you support. Besides, most people just want them to be happy - the show could literally have an open end with the characters as platonic friends ie the future is up for the fans to decide/create.

What is unforgivable is that they took a show that not only had the potential to break so many stereotypical barriers, but could educate people on respect, promote awareness/love, and turned it into a work that has zero consistency (as of S7), lack of proper character development, and nothing but another money making project.

So yes, that's why I'm angry. I'm angry because no amount of things that they can squeeze in Season 8 will ever fix it/make it the grand finale it could have been. Because it ends in Season 8 and that's why the show is already beyond saving.

They destroyed what could have been a revolution.

#voltron #voltron the legendary defenders #rant #vld #Shiro #Allura #Keith #Lance #Pidge #Hunk #Coran #Lotor #I dont even want to tag im fucking disappointed in this man

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ourhaileydavies · 4 years ago

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Juniper Publishers-Open Access Journal of Head Neck & Spine Surgery

Cochlear Endoscopy in Cochlear Implantation of a X-Linked Stapes Gusher Syndrome

Authored by Jennifer Ha

Abstract

A 12-year-old boy with a five-year history of bilateral sensorineural hearing loss and X-linked stapes gusher syndrome developed progressive left-sided hearing loss. The pre-operative computed tomography of the temporal bone showed a bulbous internal auditory canal with a dysplastic cochlea and no apparent modiolus. A 1.3mm salivary endoscope was placed at the cochlear entrance to assess the intracochlear anatomy. This revealed membranous structures of the cochlea without direct communication to the internal auditory canal. We advocate for the use of cochlear endoscopy to better delineate inner ear anatomy, which will influence the implant selection and potentially hearing outcomes in patients.

Keywords: Cochlear endoscopy; Otoendoscopy; X-linked stapes gusher syndrome; Cochlear implant; Perilymphatic gusher

Introduction

X-linked stapes gusher syndrome (otherwise known as X-linked deafness type 3 or Nance deafness) is a rare form of sensorineural hearing loss (SNHL) syndrome. Inherited in a sex-linked recessive manner, it is believed to be the consequence of a loss-of-function mutation on the X-chromosome in the POU3F4 gene at the DFN3 locus [1,2]. Males tend to present greater phenotypic severity than females, who present less frequently [3-5].

Affected patients have an abnormal configuration of the lamina cribrosa and internal auditory canal (IAC) [1,3,4,6,7]. This malformation leads to increased perilymphatic pressure and to stapes’ footplate fixation, giving rise to conductive hearing loss and progressive cochlear nerve incompetence. This is relevant for surgeons, as it results in an increased risk of perilymph gusher with surgical manipulation [1,3,4,6,7]. This may lead to other complications, such as otorrhea, rhinorrhea, and recurrent meningitis [8]. Meningitis complicating cochlear implantation (CI), occurs at a higher rate in patients with inner ear (IE) abnormalities, including X-linked gusher syndrome [3,9].

Traditional approaches to imaging for CI utilize computed tomography of the temporal bone (CT TB) and/or magnetic resonance imaging. We report a case whereby intra-operative otoendoscopic visualization allowed for real time visualization of the IE anatomy, which allowed us to optimize our electrode choice for CI. In this case, such visualization was valuable, as it indicated the presence of the membranous portions of the IE to evaluate if the modiolus was present, which we believe implied that a directional electrode was the most appropriate choice.

Case Report

A 12-year-old boy with a five year history of bilateral SNHL and X-linked stapes gusher syndrome presented with progressively worsening left-sided hearing loss. He was initially performing well with bilateral traditional hearing aids but developed progressive mixed loss and worsening performance in his left ear. His preoperative audiogram can be seen in Figure 1. He was sent for CI candidacy assessment and was deemed to be suitable.

The pre-operative computed tomography (CT) of the temporal bone was assessed. This showed a bulbous IAC with a dysplastic cochlea and no apparent modiolus (Figure 2). A CI24RE (ST) implant was initially selected by the implant team due to the uncertainty regarding the location of the spiral ganglion cells.

A 1mm cochleostomy was made anteroinferior to the round window (RW). Upon entering the cochlea, a moderate perilymphatic gusher was encountered. A 1.3mm rigid salivary endoscope (Karl Storz, Germany) with a 3-chip full HD camera head (Image1 S H3-Z) was approached trans-tympannically and was placed at the edge of the 1mm cochleostomy to assess the intracochlear anatomy.

To avoid injury to the inner ear, the CSF was not suctioned. The same view was not achieved with the microscope as the endoscope provided a more magnified and higher definition view of the modiolus. There was evidence of membranous structures of the cochlea without direct communication to the IAC. Full insertion was achieved on the first attempt without any difficulty and the gusher was controlled with packing of periosteal tissue at the cochleostomy site. An intra-operative plain X-ray confirmed the electrode placement.

Discussion

When the cochlear modiolus and osseous spiral lamina are deficient, the absence of a bony septum creates a common space seen on the imaging study [10] (Figure 2); there is an abnormal communication between the IAC and the vestibule responsible for the periphymphatic gusher. Patients with IE anomalies may have both atypical positions of their spiral ganglion cells (SGC) and have a higher likelihood of having fewer spiral ganglion cells [11]. This has functional implications because at least 10,000 functional SGNs are necessary for effective speech discrimination 12]. Also this number can be further reduced by surgical trauma [12]. Therefore, choosing the proper electrode device, namely, a directional or a full banded electrode can help reduce the number of lost SGNs. The fully banded CI electrode may be more useful in the absence of a modiolus to allow for full and multi-directional stimulation, whereas the pre-curved directional electrode may be more appropriate if there is a modiolus present for precise stimulation [13].

The proper electrode choice may have important hearing outcome implications for patients with IE anomalies following CI due to the challenges of reaching an optimal level of cochlear stimulation, decreased dynamic range, a wider pulse width, and weakened neural synchrony [7]. The functionality of CI is correlated to the number of SGCs and their distances from the stimulating electrode [14].

In our patient, we assumed that there was no IAC communication due to the presence of modiolus. The moderate CSF gusher was presumed to be secondary to his X-lined stapes gusher syndrome and his enlarged IAC. Perilymph gusher during CI in patients with X-linked gusher syndrome is inevitable, but a thorough examination of the IE is still critical. CT of the temporal bone is important for surgical planning, and it is also useful to assess the likelihood of perilymphatic gusher [4]. Distinguishing features on imaging include an enlarged bulbous IAC, a widened cochlear aperture without the lamina cribrosa, cochlear hypoplasia with modiolar deficiency, and a broadening of the bony canal for the labyrinthine portion of the facial nerve [6]. Enlarged vestibular aqueducts may also appear in conjunction with modiolar deficiency [15].

The rarity of X-linked gusher syndrome may result in radiologists failing to recognize these signs, which may mislead surgeons to perform stapedectomies that are otherwise contraindicated. Thus, Incesulu et al. [3] advocated for high resolution CT of the temperal bone to assess for congenital dysplasia with ¬at least 1-mm thick slices [as opposed to 2mm thick slices], which should ideally be assessed by an experienced neuroradiologist [3]. Quan et al. [16] proposed that CT virtual endoscopy should be done to evaluate CT data through threedimensional reconstruction [16]. Limitations to both modes of assessment assume that the CT images correlate perfectly with the anatomy of the IE and that consistent radiological consultation will occur. Our case, however, demonstrated that intra-operative endoscopic findings do not always correlate with CT findings, indicating that cochlear endoscopy may be a useful tool to better delineate the intracochlear anatomy.

The otoendoscopic intracochlear view gave us accurate and real-time information on the anatomy of the IE, which confirmed the presence of a modiolus and the confidence that the CI would not be in the IAC. This has the potential to allow us to make a better-informed decision regarding the type of electrode to place.

Electrode choice is significant for patients with IE abnormalities, since the location of neural tissue may be abnormal. In patients that have an absent modiolus, a circumferentially stimulating electrode may be preferred over a full-banded electrode, which may risk adverse facial nerve stimulation [3]. One explanation for post-operative facial nerve stimulation in children with IE abnormalities is the close vicinity of the electrode to the nerve [14]. Therefore, to avoid injury, the proper choice in electrode should be made.

Conclusion

While CT temporal bone has served as the conventional approach to assessing the anatomy of the IE, fthe endoscope offers better resolution of the modiolus than the CT temporal bone, as the CT indicated that there was no modiolus. We advocate the use of intracochlear endoscopy in selected cases as it offers a better resolution than even high-resolution CT. With the potential to change electrode choices in CI, the customization of electrode choice based on the presence of membranous IE anatomy may change the hearing outcome of the patients with anomalous IE anatomy and patients with uncertain location of spiral ganglion cells.

For more articles in Open access Journal of Head Neck & Spine Surgery | Juniper Publishers please click on: https://juniperpublishers.com/jhnss/index.php

#Head and neck surgery #Cochlear Endoscopy #Cochlear implant #Gusher Syndrome #Otoendoscopy #hearing loss

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everythingbutthecat · 7 years ago

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The Suicidal Elephant in the Parlour or Anne of Green Gables and Depression, Loss, & Suicide

by Adrianna Prosser

It’s no secret I’m a redhead, and it’s likely no surprise that when I was young I pretended I was Anne of Green Gables. In fact, my first best friend from junior kindergarten was a raven haired girl that I nicknamed Diana (hi Erin!) and she in turn called me Anne. When I was 14 I played Anne in my regional community theatre show in the musical (see community newspaper photo below) and it caused quite a stir: the theatre sweetheart who was supposed to play Anne with her beau as Gilbert was thwarted by me, an awkward untrained teenager who already knew the libretto by heart and I owned a straw hat. That show defined my love for theatre and my love of Anne transformed into a love of performing and storytelling. Anne was my life. Anne was me. From her temper to her bombastic nature, her hyperbolic narratives and of course her wild imagination, and let us not forget her competitive nature at school was all playing out pretty much the exact same way only in 1980s Canada in Barrie, instead of PEI in the 1880s.

^1998 newspaper article photo with me and my “schoolmates” in Avonlea school for South Simcoe’s Anne of Green Gables musical production in Cookstown, Ontario.

Naturally I watched the Megan Follows series of Anne until the VHS tapes wilted and wouldn’t play in my VCR. I used the musical version as my audition songs to get into theatre school and plays. I even grew up to be a schoolhouse teacher in a 1910 museum where I involuntarily (ok ok I did it on purpose) looked like Anne in Anne of Avonlea when she gives up her scholarship to stay with Marilla and teaches at the nearby school. I made time in my curriculum to read aloud from Anne of Green Gables the infamous chapter “Tempest in the School Teapot” to my grade 3’s and did voices for Diana, Anne, Gilbert and Mr Andrews; the crack on the head was always the best part played by the schoolhouse strap and a quick thwack to an antique desk. The kids would jump and laugh and want me to read more - what happened to Anne with an e?

Anne has been a big part of my life since I was 5 years old.

Then the CBC casts RH Thompson as Matthew and all of a sudden I’m back in Avonlea with earnest dread: what are they doing to Anne? I hear mixed reviews, I can’t seem to make myself watch it. It has been years since I have shed tears for the reveal of LM Montgomery’s secret: her granddaughter went public to say that Lucy had died by suicide. There was a note in her journal that seemed to indicate as much. I haven’t grieve the author of my youth, but now with this new rendition coming to TV I was going to have to face much more than childhood memories.

The CBC version called Anne The Series is wonderful: the vistas, the costumes, the character work… but there is something hard and dark around the edges. Gone are the warm hues, the bright scenery, the soft focus - this version has the contrast up, the grit and clarity filter showing weathering and wrinkles, and blues and greys highlight most every scene. I am intrigued to see some scenes play out exactly as I remember, and then others make me weep.

I enjoy adaptations, I am an actor and playwright and have read and performed several Shakespearean renditions of the same title over and over again in different ways throughout my career. I get it. Why do the exact same thing when it’s been done before? My thoughts and feelings are that of someone who GETS IT. I liked that in 2017 when this version premiered, we have such days celebrating mental health and focusing on mental illness like #MentalHealthWeek or #BellLetsTalk or suicide prevention day is September 10th and we as a collective here in Canada are getting better at being mental health advocates and de-stigmatizing depression, therapy, suicide and mental illnesses to the point that we are able to talk about it in pop culture (ie. 13 Reasons Why, The Virgin Suicides, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, etc…) and we are left to unpack it at our own pace and level of understanding as an audience member. So when this Anne adaptation starts to inject Lucy Maud Montgomery’s narrative into Anne’s I feel two things:

OF COURSE now we can talk about this! Now we can interpret the reasons why Anne was talking to her reflection in a glass window and named her mirrored self Katie and talked to herself like as if she was two people - THAT isn’t normal. They could be dissociative disorder and throughout the show we see ways in which Anne has dealt with trauma, loss, and the loss of her innocence (though I don’t think rape was implied she has heard and or seen sex and possibly witnessed rape in this adaptation,) at such a young age that of course she needs imaginary friends to help her deal with her situation, or even just the profound loneliness she lives. OF COURSE there would be residual PTSD moments that leave Anne riddled with inaction and mental scarring hearing from every person that she is not a person but a tool to keep the household running and forced to care for three sets of triplets; being told all the while that she is not a family member and reminded of it constantly. OF COURSE we should raise awareness of the things that were happening in Canada around this time like the beginnings of the Suffragettes and women’s rights activism, and of course we should inject that history into a retelling where we as a viewing audience can accept that lens showing us a bit beyond the warm fuzzy historical narrative we are used to.

BUT. And it’s a but I am still struggling with… When the show paints a portrait outside of what’s in the book and rewrites the scope of its characters ambitions and actions - I get mad. And I don’t know why. The specific scene I’m talking about is when Matthew, brilliantly portrayed by RH Thompson (of Road to Avonlea fame,) Here is the show and the book version:

Having re-read all of Anne of Green Gables to see where the artistic liberties by Walley-Beckett for the CBC version (she wrote on Breaking Bad and I joke that this is Breaking Anne,) are and where the book informs the adaptation. (I wanted to know if Marilla and Matthew had been given made-up backstories or if they were indeed in book *fun fact Marilla WAS courted by John Blythe, but the Jeanie button story, though adorable, never happens for Matthew as we are constantly reminded in the book of how shy he is to women, Anne being the only exception.) And of course the suicide scene was never in my recollection but I had to be sure that as a child I wasn’t just misunderstanding LM Montgomery’s intentions.

This is where my very biased opinion takes the milk crate:

Matthew Cuthbert from the novel never exhibited depression, suicidal attempts, nor “invitations”. When I say invitations I mean the signs that one may perceive as invitations to recognize inner thoughts and feelings to be that of a suicidal nature. And the show version of Matthew also does not exhibit these invitations. But that is not to say that impulsive suicides don’t exist, just that they are very very rare. Also, in Christian Victorian society they are DOUBLY rare. So to, speaking to his character (in both book and show version) do I question Walley-Beckett and her exploitative use of suicide in this narrative - it seems wildly out of character and ridiculous.

It seemed the choice was made for ratings and getting fangirls like me bawk at this rendition and give buzz to the show rather than playing into the original story’s nuance - like how I applaud her use of mental illness in Anne and that is why she is the “gypsy witch” that everyone calls her in the book: it is why she isn’t like everyone else on the island because everyone else on the island hasn’t been abused like Anne has. The stigma of being an orphan is explored and highlighted with the picnic scene in the show that doesn’t happen in the book. Anne has to triumph over her snobby neighbours not once like in the book (she saves Diana’s sister from croup) but defies a RAGING HOUSE FIRE in the show at the Gillis homestead to save a child and help put out the fire (a nod to her reading everything under the sun even a fire fighting manual at the train station, a call back to the first episode).

Sure. I like the in-between the lines bits like that. In fact upon re-reading it a lot of the action doesn’t take place on the page, it is usually recounted to us by our grand storyteller Anne herself, so the events are wide open to interpretation because often LM Montgomery says ‘and the concert happened’ or ‘and the school year passed’ and that’s it. My friend JM Frey writes how "Anne is an unreliable narrator.” and I agree.

But, what I can’t handle is imposing trendy topics into a show that is near and dear to many a Canadian heart for the sake of ratings. I thought it a bit odd how blunt the feminist sewing circle was. Not in the book by the way but huzzah for modern narratives and exploring what that gossip and chit-chat would be at Mrs. Lynde’s sewing bees (in the book it’s her gatherings). And clearly what spurned this whole blog-novel is the suicidal elephant in the parlour...

Then the other side of my heart believes this is a good thing, this new Matthew who is depressed because he is getting older and can’t “spare himself a mite” and then his reluctance to listen to his sister leads to them losing all their money. He has the same symptoms of the men who jumped from the ledge of their workplace in the Great Depression. Guilt. Blame. Loss of hope. Burden. And being the sole provider, or being told that one is by culture and society, he is overwhelmed and not only that he is weak in body so he can’t fight as hard as he used to… is suicide so unheard of for our dear Matthew? Many a Christian soul has taken their own lives. Many a Victorian had too, so too our dear writer LM Montgomery is believed to have taken her own life just outside of Toronto proper at the house she nicknamed “Journey’s End.”

While I cannot deny my anger and resentment and frustration with this new rendition of Anne of Green Gables I am reminded that the original still lays intact on my bookshelf and I can re-read it anytime. That maybe this new Anne is taking characters we have invested our love and time with for over a century and that perhaps this unsettling feeling that Matthew would try to take his life is the exact hurt we need to feel to address the suicidal elephant in our own lives.

When my brother died by suicide I was, am, beside myself with questions, guilt, blame, and looking for reasons. This scene made me react in a similar visceral way, to be sure because I am suicide bereaved, but also I had a pre-existing connection with Matthew since I was 5 years old! Matthew is a fictional character and I am not equating him with my real life brother, but I can’t deny that the way this rendition of the story being told rattled me to the core, and I don’t think it would have elicited the same response with a new tv show about a teenage girl with a distraught father figure who attempts suicide after a huge money loss. My love and time wouldn’t be as invested, and so using a beloved cultural phenomenon like Anne to share these themes, and with a main character no less, seems…. bold. And perfectly infuriating for the right reasons.

So while I digest all these feelings I am resolved to let them stay in this area of grey. The show isn’t wrong and the book isn’t right, or vice versa. What I can take away with certainty that I am glad LM Montgomery’s work is being appreciated all over again, along with her new Heritage Minute

youtube

^which not only focuses on her talented writing, but that she wrote such an epic while struggling with depression. That message that you can still create and create great things while depressed is a message we need to hear and celebrate. We also need to own that some people are suicidal and we all need to step up our efforts to help our loved ones around us know that they can talk about it, seek help without judgement, and lean on us. There is no need to read between the lines like we are here with Anne, and we can ask our friends and family directly for help when we too have thoughts and feelings that make us want to end our lives.

“It was the last night before sorrow touched her life, and no life is ever quite the same again once that cold, sanctifying touch has been laid upon it.” -LM Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables, Chapter 36 “The Glory and the Dream”

Thank you Anne for once again growing up with me and helping me understand my thoughts and feelings a bit better.

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levadedd · 7 years ago

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#Welding and #Metal Fabrication Facts The average American welder is 54 years old, and about 45 percent of the workforce is 50 years or older. pic.twitter.com/BJ4MhDiOz1 — OKFabMachining (@OKFabMachining) February 21, 2018

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innocentfighter · 7 years ago

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pingo1387

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okay, 2211 words into Nano, which is good,...

yyes

Okay, so (I don’t actually have a functional plot because I’m not a functional writer but I digress). The jist is that my main characters, twin brothers, Axel and Milo are what are dubbed in my universe Traders (ie scoundrals, space pirates, unlawful property movers, etc). They have had a shit life, and enjoy the roguish life style along with their long time best friend and pilot Cîelo. The story begins when they’re looking for a job to replenish their funds and the tavern they’re in is invaded by the UP soldiers (UP = Union of Protectorate Planets). Naturally fighting occurs and they make a mad dash to get away. Meanwhile they’re followed by a man that goes by the name Sax, who claims that he has a job for them.

The job is that they need to fence a piece of technology for him. All Sax wants is safe passage to a uncontrolled sector. Its simple enough, until it isn’t. Basically everyone wants this tech from them, and now they have to figure out what it is and make the right choice with it before some one gets killed.

That’s what I have so far. Its a WIP.

Characters? Characters. Love these kids. Under cut for lack of dashboard clutter!

Milo -> He’s technically the younger brother. He has ash blonde hair, which contrasts with his dark tan skin and hazel eyes. His most notable features are the dimples he has when he smiles and the scar he has through his eyebrow. Located by his jaw is a piece of tech that functions as a breathing tool as well as a translator.

Personality wise, he’s a flirt and is unashamed of his like of sex. More times than not, his flirting has gotten him and is friends in trouble. He’s a people person and just loves to talk to anyone, although he can be arrogant he’s usually the first to lend a helping hand. Milo’s personality can be dominate which can brush people the wrong way and lead into them getting into fights.

Some other notable information is that Milo is an incredibly good shot, he first learned to shoot when he was twelve. He only learned how to use a blaster because his brother’s life was in danger and he had to do something to save him. Some of his quirks include tapping on his thigh five times, pausing for three beats, and then resuming the tapping. This occurs whenever he’s feeling high emotions be them negative or positive.

Backstory moment: He was the brother that suggested that they steal an UP ship to get off of their homeworld. Originally, Milo had wanted to steal it and sell it for scrap and just make their life comfortable, but after what happened on their home planet, Milo wanted nothing more than to get away from Prerth. Of course, their joyride didn’t get them very far, and they got arrested for the first time when they were 14, but before they could be transferred to a prison colony (or worse) they met Elo (Cîelo) , who helped them escape and they became fast friend.

Axel -> The older of the two. His hair is darker than his brothers and instead of hazel eyes he has russet colored ones. While his brother is roguishly pretty, Axel’s features are more delicate making him simply pretty, however he has an X shape scar that runs from his nose to the edge of his jaw with another crossing from below his eye to edge of his mouth. Depending on who you ask it can detract or add to his looks. He has the same dimples has his brother.

Personality wise, he’s considered to be the more serious of the two. However he has an untrusting nature and a short temper. Despite that he’s open-minded and polite enough in a social setting. While it’s not an aspect of his personality, most people assume that he’s also the quieter of the pair (I’ll get back to that in the moment). Also he’s the more tactically minded and reckless in battle.

Notable information, Axel is actually deaf and non-vocal due to an incident in his childhood. While he had been born with the ability to hear and speak, the loss of it was something that he handled as well as to be expected. He never let his deafness stop him from becoming a Trader. As he is non-vocal, he and his brother had developed their own form of communication based on gestures (technical wise I’m using signs from ASL, in addition to creating my own and my own grammar rules).

Backstory moment: The twin’s father was a piece of shit, and in order to pay off gambling debts, he gave his oldest son away to one of the people that he owed money to. Axel had been mouthy to him (it was some local rich guy), and as a result of that the Rich Guy had Axel undergo a non-legal and unsafe surgery that essentially froze his vocal cords. The process, if done right has a high chance of being reversed, but of course the doctor had been shady and hadn’t done it right. Under the same man he suffered from an infection (something akin to meningitis) that caused him to lose his hearing.

(Its still a WIP so its all subject to change).

Cîelo -> Pale nearly translucent skin covers her entire body. Her hair is hollow feathers She would be considered heavy by typical human standards, however for her people she is at the proper weight. She has dark rimmed eyes and her irises are almost as black. Her bones are thicker than Terran's and she runs at a higher temperature than they do. She generally dresses as if she was going to go out into the land of her home, and is dress in furs and feathers and leathers. She wears carved bone ear wraps in her hair. e.g She’s built to survive in the cold and snow.

Personality wise, she’s confident but humble. Unlike her male companions she isn’t one to get fired up easy, she’s very level-headed and analytical which can cause her to over think things and hesitate. Elo is also very independent and likes to set off on her own before asking for help. Also as it is with her species, her language isn’t very specific, so occasionally she’ll be vague but not on purpose. Living with regular terrans (for lack of better term atm) and picking up common has caused her to lose that habit for the most part.

Notable information, she’s the first of her species to leave her home world of Skade. Not much is know about her species and she doesn’t disclose much. However she left because its what she felt that her Goddess wanted her to do, since she had been always interested in what is beyond her planet and what the night holds (which can be taboo in her culture). Also because her species is isolated others tend to think that they’re less advanced when it isn’t the case at all. Also using one’s full name is a sign of endearment, usually in the romantic sense but can also be a sign of deep love and it isn’t to be used lightly or often. Its why she’ll always call Milo and Axel M or Axe

Fun fact: Her language is a series of clicks

Backstory moment: Skade rarely let outsiders onto her planet, however a contingent of UPs crash landed and her and her family took them in to nurse them back to health. It caused a political rift among the Skades, which didn’t concern Elo that much. She had been participating in the world-wide ship race. It was the UPs that gave her the idea that she could leave the planet, but it took years after that event for her Goddess to giver her guidance on the path she should take.

Sax -> He’s a dark-skinned male, whose muscular and tall. His eyes are an amber-brown color and he keeps his hair cropped close. He had double implants, one on his jaw that’s similar to the one that Milo has and then another one that curves around his ear that’s used for more tech based encryption or decryption. He has gold tattoos around his wrist and back.

Personality wise, Sax is by far the most serious of the group, which doesn’t mean that he’s the least fun. He makes dry jokes most of the time, and then the rest of the time he’s cracking jokes, but he knows when he needs to be serious which can make him come off as haughty. Sax is also very gentle and prefers to talk his way out of a situation that go to his gun, which sets him apart from the rest of the group. He is also the one who wears his heart on his sleeve and shows his emotions freely.

Notable Information, Sax loves to indulge in the arts. He personally is known to write poetry, and is also continually impressed with the drawings that Axel does. In his culture the ability to make art or the dedication to make art well was considered to be a gift from the gods. Being a warrior was a given, and you were respected for being good, but the artist were loved. Which is why the celebrate their accomplishments through their skin via tattoo. (I have a whole thing on both Sax and Elo’s cultures).

Backstory moment, Sax’s first tattoo was a singular curved line around his wrist. He earned it from being the strongest child in his class as he could lob a flour sack further than anyone else. He designed it so that eventually it would be part of the tree that he would design on his back as he earned more and more accomplishments. He got his back tattoo by his poetry being able to impress a rival village’s leader with his poetry about non-violence.

#pingo1387 #IFs nano life #Hope you actually wanted to read all of that #please let me know what you think!#that goes for anyone that actually read through this #please ask me questions #or tell me if I did something wrong #or compliment me #anything is fine!#where's min at?

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dwestfieldblog · 6 years ago

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SPIRITUAL EMERGENCIES

Its been a hard nights day and I've been working like a God...Centring my chi by ( ) in conjunction with a little ( ) on Sundays but don't try this at home unless you have some. Under the influence but not persuaded, with no choice other than to follow my free will. 350 songs recorded in Prague (about a third of them are good enough) over a very long weekend and now ready to go again...Last month I heard my own voice in a dream saying 'Death is my second home', so perhaps another temporary close-down is coming. Hope that paragraph was pretentious enough. If not...meditating on 'The First law of thermodynamics...No energy in the universe is created and none is destroyed'. So all is well...

The recent magnificent Wargames with Russia and China...300 thousand men, (that's a lot) many fields of tanks and nautical miles filled with battleships, necessary because of (according to a joint statement from the protagonists) 'dangerous times' and 'unstable situations'. Reminds me of Bill Hicks quoting George Bush the older (the CIA president) saying 'The world is a dangerous place'...'yeah, thanks to YOU, quit arming the world!'. But this time around, these unstable situations are being more egged on and supported by Russia, gleefully supported as always by all those those make weapons. Trump is not the 'human' being to slow this down. Nature abhors a vacuum and she is rushing now to fill various empty heart/mind and soulless actions made by various leaders with processes of an irreversible...well... nature...Only '12 years' left now to avert climate change disaster...your newborns this year might very well inherit a desert. Well, if it was good enough for the Israelites...

Climate change debates witter on by men in suits flown in at great carbon footprint expense to sit around expensive South American wood tables and agree that time itself is running out. While those that disagree with them only do so because of well paying vested interests in the industries which drain, burn, drill and destroy. Human beings are like gangsters holed up and surrounded by the law, determined to take the hostages and cops with them when they go in a blaze of glory, just so they don't die alone. Reliance on coal continues, the need for oil because of ... 'lifestyle choices'...(ego)... back to RAW again...

'As soon as they find out how to put a meter between us and the sun, only then will we have clean energy.'

There is a very special circle of Hell reserved for the Barons of black gold, where they burn alive forever, lit by oil. And another circle for those mapping the human genome and copyrighting it so they can make billions from various medicines and procedures, holding the masses to ransom. Peace will occur either when it is more profitable than arms dealing or when there is absolute silence of death on the human side. How many people do you know who are neither whore nor pimp? Or both.

The purpose of existence is (NB. seems to me in my current long running reality tunnel to be) evolution...and as with self programming artificial intelligence, there is a type of instinctive logic which suggests that as any chain is as strong as its' weakest link...and the mass of humanity appears to be working against evolving, then nature will just erase us and get on with creating her own new thang without the apes. Quite right too. The universe is (seems to be) 'non simultaneously apprehended events and interacting processing' but until I pick the free crop of magic mushrooms in the mystic forest this late October month, I will just take RAW's cosmic trigger words for it. (The lousy alchemist cook says make sure they are washed and/or dried right. Vomiting mould covered nipple tops before any hallucinogenic gets into the blood proper is very little fun. Learning, or not from experience in the face of common sense is always a hoot. Ask my liver. ) Anyway...let's be Sirius...

'News'...Nick Clegg is to take over the Facebook worries. (Head of Global Policy and Communications in Silicon Valley) Nick Clegg. This shows JUST how much Zuckerberg gives a damn eh? Useless/Hopeless. For those who don't know or remember, some years ago Clegg was the leader of the Liberal Party in Britain who swore he would never allow an increase in University fees if he were ever Prime Minister. After the election 'win' of David Cameron and the Conservatives, (only made possible with the Liberals siding with them) it took about two weeks before he was forced to go back on his word and toe the line of his bigger coalition partner. (Can't have an easily affordable education, that would be dangerous) A weak and easily breakable man. Expect Facebook to go on paying even less tax, abusing your private information and allowing Russia et al free rein to influence the populace.

Nice to see the half a million march against Brexit in London. Will accomplish nothing but good that some people woke up before the face of this bullshit a few days later... 'Methinks I see in my mind a noble and puissant nation rousing herself like a strong man after sleep, and shaking her invincible locks.....a eagle mewing her mighty youth'...Geoffrey Cox QC, the Attorney General invoking Milton at the Tory conference. Winston Churchill defined success as the 'ability to move from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm'. So, well done and three cheers boys..good luck with making Britain Great again. I would truly love to be proved wrong...but...

'In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice...and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance, a vendetta...held not as a votive in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose.' ...V for Vendetta via Hugo Weaving in an Anonymous Guy Fawkes mask. My other favourite quote from that film is.....

'And thus I clothe my naked villainy with odd old ends stolen forth from holy writ and seem a saint when most I play the devil.' Richard III by the real Shakespeare, which covers just about every politician and religious leader, bar a very very precious few. God may be great but he's not as fat as Buddha. And anyway, belief narrows reality tunnels. Which for some people, makes them feel stronger...

In October, Alternative fur (that's fur with an umlaut over the 'u', not the sexy animal hair which is so nice to stroke or be stroked by but I digress. Arf.) Germany... suggested quite firmly that middle school children report to them if any of their teachers said bad things about the new patriotic Nazi swine. Nothing dubious there, no harking back to cruel and better days of the old 'thousand year' Reich and denouncing intellectuals and subversives at all. A month before that, because of hearing shouting, I looked out of my own window one afternoon to see a six foot six skinhead, in army clothes and big black leather boots on a balcony opposite, drunk and rousingly crying out about Deutschland for five minutes in German to his mates in the kitchen behind him as he clasped a beer can. Perhaps he was only joking. Unlikely the grandmother living alone and above his flat thought so. And as for the massive shaven headed Slovak steroid monsters with tattoos on their necks who shout at each other in conversation even when both are sitting two feet away, their biggest insult to their tiny two old kids is to angrily shout 'Little gypsy!' at them when they do something wrong. All together now;Hail Victory! Fnord.

A bad death of a murdered journalist in the Saudi Arabian embassy in Turkey... followed by a lovely picture in the papers of smiling Crown Prince Bin Salman with Jared Kusher (a walking cypher of wrong cleanliness and evil married to Trump's daughter) No wonder it is yet another bastard thing for Trump to hope the connections all vanish from..as he gently damns the killing of a critic of the very royal prince while tweeting endless vitriol against the third estate in the USA. And Donald's glorious tit for tat bollocks about the old nuclear bilateral agreement with Russia... 'Well THEY started it, so we will react...ad infinitum'. Back to the happy days of being able to wipe out the planet seventy times over and rational cold war paranoia...at some point a computer will finally analyse all probable outcomes for the last time and find the one way in which a nuclear war could be won with minimal death on the home side. The computer it will say 'Go for it alpha monkeys'.

'How long o lord, how long? How low do you have to stoop in this country to be president?' Hunter S Thompson, Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 1972. (About Nixon, but ever more relevant by the day.)

Of course the masochistic paranoia of leaders will continue to find new and further devious outlets, displays and new laws...all the usual countries (IE all of them) behaving as if they can get away with murder forever. Forever, these days, is most likely shorter than a generation, unless there is already a dynasty of cruelty in place, where the buck/baton/cattle prod is passed down as an heirloom of death. Communication never gets to the top because underlings are scared to tell their bosses the truth in case the sweethearts are offended and kill them. (Meow and woof.)

*'The machine is running the engineers' Lenin on his deathbed. Communism, huh?

China's 'voluntary' organ donor scheme. Harvested from enemies of the state...70,000 annual operations...Got the money? Need a new liver? Sort you out in a fortnight, NO waiting list. Not suspicious at all, unless you are a doctor from another country looking into the massive amount of operations and the far smaller published donor lists. Hopefully, those rich enough to afford the instant new transplants will be better, peaceful people when they have their new tee total vegetarian Falun Gong organs in place. Whereas those with less to spend will have to make do with their internal workings run by other very involuntary donations made by dissidents who dared the high insult of comparing the 'president for life' to Winnie the Pooh.

Primum non nocere, you bastards. The Hippocratic Oath replaced by a hypocritical medical ideology of murder for profit. The state does not help the healthcare 'system' much, if at all, so the military hospitals with easy access to prisoners can get to work stealing what is needed from living bodies. Those arrested who do not give their names and places of birth for fear of involving their families are simple to vanish. They ceased to exist the moment they were caught. Download the report, written by two Canadians, one a former Crown prosecutor and the other a Human Rights Lawyer and make up your own mind as to the veracity. 'The Middle Kingdom between Heaven and Earth', the land which brought the world Taoism and Confucianism...

www.organharvestinvestigation.net

Take the time and read the report. Then ask yourself, if your children, parents or close friends needed a transplant to save their life (and you could afford a fast Chinese military hospital operation) would you truly care where the organ came from as long as it was healthy? If it was only for you, would you still take it, knowing where it had been stolen from or would you allow your own destiny to be? Desperation is one sure-fire test of the perception of morality.

*Ever notice all those t shirts, sweat shirts and bags with those certain cool slogans on? 'Happy to be an individual', 'My style is my choice', 'My freedom is my world', 'The end justifies the means'. Etc. Take a very cold and realistic guess as to where they are made and by whom and under what conditions. That's right.

I appear to live (temporarily) in a world where a printed sign on the inside of a toilet door needs to say in two languages 'First unlock the door then turn handle'. That's right kids/adults, you have to be able to open a door before you open it. Almost Zen wisdom but hardly rocket science or brain surgery. Stuff you learn at about the age of three. I have lost count (triple figures now) of how many customers in a certain shop I have seen standing next to a big, clearly printed sign on the counter to 'ring for service', watching them get ever more impatient as those who are working hard behind the scenes remain deaf and blind to their existence. And signs on the front door, inside and outside also in two languages, asking customers to please close the door. A third of them never do, even in heavy winter. The evil within me takes a savage glee at the depth of stupidity of these shameless idiots. The pathetic being within rejoices that he is not quite as dumb as these retarded bipeds and the fake existentialist feels a sweeping wave of sheer galactic horror. But...

Back to the litany once again and forever...quality over quantity. I have optimism for the few. They/you WILL make it. You will create it and become it. As long as you understand how to open a f...ing door, you are halfway there.

'Whoever can scare people enough (produce bio-survival anxiety) can sell them quickly on any verbal map which seems to give them relief. i.e. cure the anxiety. By frightening people with Hell and then offering them Salvation, the most ignorant or crooked individuals can 'sell' a whole system of thought that cannot bear two minutes of rational analysis. Robert Anton Wilson, Prometheus Rising.

And once the child/adult is afraid enough, they will follow the substitute parent/s, kept pliant and submissive by further shocks administered to their truly nervous system with the promise of support or threat of punishment. Shame forever without mercy on those outside the mainstream of politics and organised religion who maintain such deeply manipulative systems in the pretence of setting the tender initiates 'free'. You should be a positive alternative, not more of the same poison.

'You gave your life to be the person you are now. Was it worth it?' Richard Bach.Running from Saftey.

Onwards and inwards, sidestepping the unnecessary. You are your thoughts,'Reality' is personal, subjective and shaped by Will, the Love you come from and the Love you create. Happy everything/Sol Invictus to you and survive the long winter. Hibernate if needed, stay warm, learning and free...

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eriksenhuber67-blog · 6 years ago

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Certainly not Slimming down On An Incredibly Low Calorie Diet plan?

Was actually analysis through some publications and also determined to summarize some of my fave normally slimming meals. Ingenious advertising ... I was surprised to discover a rather well-balanced diet opposed to the crash diet I assumed this would certainly be actually. Diet regimens higher in calcium from milk have been actually revealed to aid with effective weight loss by helping you soak up less and also shed even more fat deposits. While I concur that this may be a good idea for some individuals, to me, the percentage from weight management involved isn't really sufficient to have yet another tablet. When I drop my weight you ideal think I will certainly really love every bit of my body system, recommend it, reveal this off and brag on all my effort. A year ago I started this blog site along with the tip that I possessed something to point out concerning a far better method to live our lives, at the very least when that came to meals as well as our weight. You'll at that point have the capacity to cease eating when you are actually complete, which ensures weight reduction. We recommend utilizing our cost-free evaluation tool to calculate your everyday fat targets, and after that purchase the proper program. Having said that, on a controlled carbohydrate plan along with adequate nutritional excess fat, after diuresis, your physical body switches off melting carbohydrates to primarily getting rid of saved body excess fat-- alongside diet fat-- for electricity, which causes weight reduction. I inquired Dr. Jeff Volek, associate professor at the University from Connecticut and also coauthor of The New Atkins for the New You, for his viewpoints on the Dukan Diet regimen. Currently, I assist households check out health and nutrition along with a focus on food items as well as family members wellness. You'll likely have some self-acceptance research to do if you are actually one from those individuals which acquires weight. I've spoken lately regarding exactly how this isn't really simple, but totally worth it. While you might possess listened to a ton of kudos for your weight-loss - the common You look fantastic, performed you reduce weight?" - however, the way culture presently operates, you won't hear the contrary: Omigod, you appear impressive, performed you gain weight??" On one hand, this type of pulls! I believe most of his principles could be observed, yet he could certainly not be actually the most ideal resource for facts on Eastern weight reduction. I believe that as long as you are actually comfortable as well as satisfied in your body you should not think of body weight. He resided completely off his large body system excess fat, in the long run losing about 125 kilograms from weight. Pointer # 2: The shade that is actually most lacking in individuals's diets is actually the spectrum of blue-purple. And, most likely, if you have high cholesterol levels, according to your physician and also incredibly persuasive marketing by pharmaceutical industry, you ought to be actually observing a low-fat diet regimen as well as having cholesterol-lowering medicines known as statins. Coming back to bad habits may just bring about any kind of health and wellness and also the body weight niggles and problems sending back. The foods are best for a busy on-the-go way of living, and also deliver section control to make sure that you could still take pleasure in tasty food items without the concern from over-eating. Finding you confidence has made me think a great deal better- I am actually beautiful now, when I drop the body weight if I possess added skin, its certainly not one thing ugly to hold me back or even one thing to become embarrassed of. Thank you for bringing an issue that is never attended to from the black and in to the lighting! There was actually no conversation from how many individuals slim down all the time without diet programs.

In the Swedish Obese Subjects Research, 2010 subjects undertook bariatric surgical treatment and 2037 received regular therapy. Professional athletes may quickly satisfy this enhanced necessity by eating much more overall fats (consuming much more food items). Right now there's brand new documentation that recommends there could be actually some groundwork to these beliefs, after a current study located web links between diet plan and Attention deficit disorder (HYPERACTIVITY). I can do this, I end, and also STILL slim down ... since I consume so little bit of processed food throughout the day ... I am still reducing weight compared to just what I made use of to eat - mostly refined. Nonetheless, they certainly never present all these testimonies, and also through mentioning physical exercise and also diet play a role, this might indicate that the supplement isn't sturdy sufficient. This performed particularly improperly in places like ease to comply with; long-term fat burning; health and nutrition; and also result on diabetic issues and heart wellness. If you consider to come to be a medical professional, for instance, as well as you have the natural capacity, then by all indicates emphasis. http://plinadedimineata.info think me going from exercising 2x a day to 1x has actually made me drop much less body weight, but I don't really possess a choice. Its own a helpful technique to lose too much body weight fast ... although extremely dumb, unsafe and deadly.A close friend shed 15 pounds in a month. Spanish scientists put 26 individuals with metabolic syndrome on the Spanish Ketogenic Mediterranean Diet regimen for twelve weeks and tracked exactly what happened.

Just before effective weight loss, immediately after the weight-loss and also once more a year later on we did a breakfast research where we had blood stream to measure most of these hormones before breakfast and after that every one-half hour for the upcoming 4 hours after breakfast. No. That choice will be conserved for that particular meal turning if you make a replacement for a certain dish. The people that had the capacity to keep body weight enjoyed along with shedding a medium volume from weight. Specialist location Operational training, High-intensity instruction, ViPR, Treatment, Weight Administration, Strength, Athletics specific instruction, Flexibility, Core Security, Health and nutrition advise. http://plinadedimineata.info desired to be among the voices that spoke up versus the diet plan sector that monetizes the insecurity they help make and offers our company is located and sham products and afterwards condemns us for their absence from effectiveness. It is actually OK to pig out in food items occasionally (10-12 opportunities annually), on special occasions including birthdays, wedding celebration anniversaries, holidays. All of us possessed a low allergy symptom diet plan ie no wheat/gluten, dairy, eggs, almonds, particular fruit products, ocean food items, fish. Following opportunity your interior doubter shows up and also you begin assuming you cannot do this, keep in mind all this becomes part of your weight-loss journey. Because of the weight loss insurance claims, the company defended in their claim their extremely public publicity of Kirstie's body weight just before she was actually also touched to appear on DWTS. The body weight you're acquiring can just be linkeded to the body weight from the meals you are actually investeding in your physical body and water increase. One professional trial located that two-thirds from patients on the medication shed 5% of their body system weight, while one-third shed at least 10%, after one year from taking the medicine as a supplement to diet regimen and also physical exercise. Simply recently, I shared even more evidence presenting that a low-carb, higher-fat diet regimen like Atkins can assist you lose weight, and also the increased fat intake carries out not possess a bad on your heart health and wellness.

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coopsxfile-blog · 7 years ago

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Why You Need A Forex Investing Method To Succeed - A Story Of Two Forex trading Traders Just Commencing Out

RSI forex strategies With regardless of what discipline or financial commitment you'd like to get on, there are often tools and sources offered to support you. And this is particularly genuine when it will come to Forex trading. The currency market place can be really too much to handle, and starting to be a profitable Currency trading trader does not appear from pure luck. There are basically way too numerous components that can have an impact on the path that forex selling prices will transfer toward. Listed here are two significant realities to take into account: one. Most newcomers consider to consider on Fx employing no guidance or resources. (Most newbies lose all of their income). 2. Most effective traders use a Fx buying and selling method to help them (Effective traders make Quite very good funds in Forex trading). But even with these realities frequently regarded, rookies however try out to attack Currency trading blind, basing their acquiring and marketing selections on restricted understanding and encounter. It is not until finally they have dropped all of their investing resources that they look at that it in all probability would have been smarter to devote in a Currency trading investing process and application from the beginning. Don't make the identical blunder. If you want to be effective with currency buying and selling (ie. generating constant lucrative trades) then it is extremely advisable that you examine the many Fx investing programs and software program on the marketplace. Enable me illustrate even further with a story of about two Fx traders: Tom and Jim have been looking through about Forex trading a lot lately. Both equally have been shelling out several hours on-line trying to comprehend what forex trading is and how (and if) they can make some fast income. All of the promoting ads that they read through say that you can increase your funds extremely, extremely promptly. Confident, you can find some possibility involved, but the possible benefits are just far too very good to move up. So they both equally come to a decision to consider out Fx and see if they can make a go of it. The two fellas are hugely enthusiastic and want to give Fx their ideal chance. So every of them is heading to invest $1000 of their personal savings into forex buying and selling. If they get rid of the $a thousand, then they will stop Forex and re-appraise no matter whether or not to try out once again in the long run. By investing a thousand bucks, both equally have demonstrated that they are completely fully commited to producing Fx work for them. Starting up Out: Tom normally takes his complete $1000 and transfers it into a retail on the internet Currency trading broker. Tom will be producing all of his investing conclusions on his very own. He will be doing his very own study and will lurking on Forex trading forums and blogs to see if he can get some substantially wanted tips. Jim goes a unique route. Though he is just as determined as Tom, he is also aware of the complexity of the Forex trading industry and realizes that he just will not have much expertise at this position. So he takes $900 and transfers it to the identical retail Forex trading broker as Tom. He saves the remaining $one hundred in purchase to get accessibility to equipment and sources (ie. Forex buying and selling devices and computer software) to help him make superior trades. He applied to day trade shares and knows first hand the edge that these applications and means can have (in particular if you are just finding out the ropes). Thirty day period 1: Tom jumped proper into forex buying and selling. His first trade commenced off in the beneficial, but promptly went south. Just before he could publish his market ask for, he experienced missing $a hundred. Even though he did have some minimal successful trades, general his trading background was very similar to his initially trade. Numerous trades began off very good, but for some motive (that he just did not have the practical experience or understanding to recognize), then would ultimately development down. At the finish of his initially thirty day period trading currencies, Tom's investing account was down to $400. Jim, did a minor little bit of research and identified Fx Ambush. This was a membership web page that furnished its associates successful indicators. What truly caught his eye was that they boldly mentioned that their trading indicators ended up ninety nine.9% accurate. How could they make this kind of a bold statement? Jim did some additional digging and found heaps of beneficial opinions from present members. And there was one particular more issue that eventually swayed Jim into offering Forex Ambush a test: they made available a 7 day demo at a portion of their regular selling price. For considerably less than 20 bucks, Jim had seven days to try out out Forex trading Ambush and their ninety nine.nine% precise trading alerts. He was truly enthusiastic. He had $900 in his Foreign exchange investing account and still experienced $80+ to use in case Fx Ambush failed to enable. The next day Jim acquired an email with a buying and selling sign from Currency trading Ambush. He was nevertheless extremely new to Fx, but with the bold precision assertion however in his thoughts, Jim put in his buy just as the investing sign specified. When his transaction closed later that day, Jim had created a $one hundred forty five financial gain. He was quite thrilled! After his 7 day trial ended, Jim went ahead and signed up to be a everlasting member of Forex Ambush. Although not just about every trading sign resulted in earnings, just about all of them did. And the losses that he did have have been quite tiny. Soon after a month, Jim experienced $1750 in his Currency trading buying and selling account. Thirty day period 2: Tom was sensation deflated. Within a month, he had gone from $a thousand to $four hundred. In order to try to make back again his cash, he did larger valued trades that were being substantially additional dangerous. The finish consequence: he was down to $ just before the thirty day period had even ended. Tom was angry and disappointed. He swore off ever doing Forex trading once again, telling everyone that would hear that it was a rip-off and that they really should help you save their money. Jim, on the other hand, was on cloud 9. He had turned his first $900 and turned it into $1750. He was however receiving the every day electronic mail from Currency trading Ambush with the buying and selling signals, but he was also testing out a handful of other Foreign exchange investing programs. Soon after a month of lucrative trades, he experienced a substantially far better comprehend on the Forex trading market place and was full of self-confidence. By the finish of thirty day period two, Jim's trading account was now at $2355. And the most impressive matter was that Jim was carrying out all of this in his spare time. He nonetheless experienced a entire-time work to cover his residing costs. Every thing he manufactured in Foreign exchange was additional. He has been considering quitting his occupation and trading Currency trading on a entire-time basis. But for now, he's happy for the security his existing job brings him and is making the most of the rewards that his "aspect" cash in Forex trading is supplying him. The ethical of the story: if you want to succeed at something that you have extremely very little knowledge and practical experience with, it is extremely suggested that you invest in the applications and assets to maximize your likelihood of achievement. You want to inquire your self: do you want to be like Tom, poor, indignant, and swearing that Fx is just a rip-off? Or would you fairly be like Jim, investing in equipment to help you triumph and making the most of the revenue that all those instruments will enable you make? If you are severe about building funds with Fx, then you owe it to on your own to find a Forex trading system that will give you the profitable edge.

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