#idkkkk just feeling some type of way?

[youjustwaitsunshine]

random pic for tag diary (made these from kneadable eraser)

[rexscanonwife]

And by the way just to add some like...angst to my sea beast s/i I guess 😂 I was thinking about the research I did into old selkie folk tales and how they typically tend to go and how it applies to my s/i with Batterbie stealing her coat.

1. She did it when she was still just a child and had lost her whole family, so she probably holds that over her head by saying she's lucky to have had a place to stay and food to eat at ALL and 2. That she could have it...a LOT worse 😬

[mangoposts]

y'all ever wonder if matt, nick, or chris have ever been horny? idk its just for some reason they dont seem like the type but for some reason realistically it feels like they dont, but ik everyone gets horny and its normal but IDKKKK I CANT EXPLAIN ITTT 😭😭

also how do you think they would be when their horny? like do you think one of them watches porn? or do you think they get off or whatever 💗

Oh trust me, these men have been horny PLENTY of times LMFAOO They’re young men and it’s apart of life so yanno it’s chill

For Nick, i think he tries his best to ignore it at first. Nick doesn’t strike me as the type of person to get turned on very easily so when he does he’s a little annoyed at the fact he has to take care of it 😭. He definitely would prefer to get off later at night before bed when he’s comfortable and already kind of tired, he ALSO strikes me as the type to watch clips of porn on social media the way some of us do 😭 Like on twitter. I feel like it doesn’t take him very long to cum, he just gets off to release tension and relax more, once he does he’s out like a light

For Matt, he’s somewhat similar to nick, he likes getting off to release stress and help him relax. DEFINITELY gets off in the shower or right after one. Getting off is veryyy important to Matt i think, he likes to take his time with it and actually enjoy himself instead of quickly getting rid of the feeling the way Nick might. He’s very imaginative for sure, very desperate too, so i don’t see him watching porn all that often unless he really has time on his hands. Once he’s the slightest bit horny he’s all fidgety until he’s able to be alone and then he just really indulges in it. I could see it being self care for him 😭

For Chris, the second he’s horny he is taking care of it. Unlike Nick, He strikes me as the type to get horny from the smallest things like a sexual post on instagram or seeing someone he likes in something sexy. He’d get straight up irritated if he’s not able to be alone to finish himself off for a second 😭 He’s very classic, hand him a bottle of lotion, some tissues and pornhub he’s good to go. He’s like Matt where he likes to take his time with himself, but if he’s reallyyy turned on he’ll make himself cum as quick as possible while watching something

[pongnosis]

ponggggggg bestie do you think yassen names his guns. DO YOU THINK ROSS NAMES HIS KNIVES. i think yassen would be a little averse to the whole naming thing considering hunter told him not to refer to his victims by names because it made them human. i feel like he would internalize that and think of his guns as mere weapons, as convenience, as tools and nothing more but still i'm sort of curious because some part of me also thinks he could name them. idk. he was petty enough to become an assassin just to spite him and the fact that he has a fav gun??? [it was a beretta right?] but this is also somewhat a useful tip. idkkkk im sleepy and feeling rambly and im making it your problem. also i bet gordon gives them the goofiest or the most poetic names. no in between. man's got a sense of humour but also has that shitton of history ping-ponging [heh] around in his head. anyways i think i'll go & try to catch some sleep. byeee <3

I think the only sentimental thing Yassen might have is the Fer de Lance, and that's one hundred percent headcanon, given that she might as well be a charter (or SCORPIA-owned) based on the information we got on her in Eagle Strike (look, I like ships, don't ship-shame!). I just really like the idea of Yassen having one thing that is his, and the unwelcoming looks of her, the tinted glass in the windows, and the name all seem like something he'd like. Everything else, especially his weapons, I think he has a very pragmatic approach to. They're something to be used and discarded if necessary, chosen based on the needs of the operation, and little else.

… except the Grach. I HAVE OPINIONS ON THIS ONE.

So. SO. Eagle Strike, page 49 in my version (Walker Books 2015 edition, from the box set, so who knows what the line originally said, but I've only ever seen the Grach referenced in fandom): "The gun was a Grach MP-443, black, with a short muzzle and a ribbed stock. It was Russian, of course, new army issue."

This is yet another enty in "Why Timelines Are, Like, Vibes Man", the ongoing saga by Ahorz.

The Grach MP-443 (wiki link) was developed in the nineties but didn't enter service until 2003, and while it was adopted as the standard sidearm, this did by no means happen immediately. It took YEARS for mass production to really start. For years after, there were - and still are - other Russian guns that were in far more common use and much easier to get a hold of for Yassen, who would presumably want to replace his gun fairly regularly to avoid inconvenient evidence.

Ignoring the timeline issue of exactly what year the books are set in (and whether the Grach was even in actual production by then), it seems like a very deliberate choice by Yassen. The Grach is not the best gun out there. It's not the most reliable, not the easiest one to find, not the most common (and more anonymous). It was, however, the new standard sidearm for the Russian military - the country that took everything from Yassen - and going out of his way to choose a weapon that most of the Russian military still hadn't been issued, one after the other to discard of when they became evidence, seems just like the sort of deliberately petty move he would like. A subtle 'fuck you' to his former home.

ALSO. I agree, Ross absolutely names his favourite knives. He'll rant about the bad ones if you get him going, but his favourite, most perfect knives, those get the adoring names. He's so the type to have an original V-42 stiletto in beautiful condition that he's named Rose.

[katyaromanoffpetrova]

Ok so in your AU world, if there was a plot about school, who would the women be stereotyped as? I love to read stories where Nat is the stoner or the captain of the team but I feel like Kat is wayyy to quicker to be the nerd type idkkkk probably just nat’s favourite lil cheerleader on the side line like YUP THAT’S MY GIRLFRIEND GUYS

Or they’re both the captain of their own different schools teams and it’s enemies to lovers🤩

Sooooo I maaayyy have started that story once 😁 I had this high school AU in my head and I just wrote down some small scenes from it, but never fully committed because I lost interest.

Basically, Nat was the popular cool girl. Head cheerleader, obviously gorgeous, boys chasing her everywhere she went. And Kat was the new girl who just moved from Russia. She was shy, "nerdy", and just very... normal. Not fitting in, not standing out.

And in this story, Kat has a family secret. Her family didn't randomly move from Russia to the US. They fled. And as the story would progress, and Nat and Kat got closer, Nat would find out that secret the hard way.

But I stopped writing it bc I realized I could satiate my high school/college ideas by writing about Maya :)

[lipslover]

rafe x barry (longggg) head-canons !!

barry often online orders fast food for dinner, which is most of the time some sort pizza. similar to the olive theory, this could be called the pepperoni theory.. rafe loves pepperoni, but barry claims he “hates it”. he picks his off and gives them to rafe, always. little to rafes knowledge; barry does indeed like pepperoni, he just enjoys rafes amusement a little more.

rafe has a hand kink. during sex he practically begs barry to wrap his hands around his throat, to let him suck on his fingers, to grasp at his hair, etc.. barry didn’t notice this, however, for the longest time. though when he did, he made sure he got his use out of it.

rafe and barry have very much different music tastes. rafe is more into stuff like the neighborhood or arctic monkeys, meanwhile barry is into tyler the creator or eminem; so when driving to any given location you could imagine the yelps.

at night when barry is trying to sleep in the comfort of his bed, rafe blurts out the most absurd things from beside him. stupid things like would you still love me if i was a caterpillar or do you ever think about the side effects of cocaine. its something that barry love/hates about their relationship; the way rafes brain works, the way barry can almost hear the gears in rafes head shifting.

rafe is always taking pictures of barry, mainly when hes not looking. he has an online photo album just for pictures of his lover. whether barrys back is turned or not, rafe obsesses over the pictures and looks over them every now and then (which is more often than not).

they have really stupid arguments that last weeks, stuff like who would survive underwater longer or who loves the other one more. rafe is always the one to ask the silly questions, yet barry is always the one to get the last word in.

rafe rants about whatever or whoever for as long as barry lets him, before cutting him off of course. barry often wonders how anyone could talk so much without running out of air. he just sits there and smiles stupidly while rafe talks about wanting to murder ward, or sarah, or rose, or topper, or kelce, or anyone that has wronged him in the past 24 hours; and barry just sits and listens.

barry is the first to get up in the morning, and can surprisingly cook (to a limit of four things). most mornings its eggs and toast, as it is arguably the easiest breakfast to make. rafe wakes up soon after, once he no longer feels barrys warmth, and crawls out to the kitchen. he makes noise purposely, to not startle barry, as his back is turned towards him. he hugs him from the waist behind and nuzzles his nose into barrys neck, while placing small kisses. ‘mornin’ country club.’

the first person to suspect that rafe and barry were anything BUT drug dealer and drug buyer, was jj. his father dragged him to barrys shitty trailer to buy the usuals. though when they walked in, rafe was following barry around the place like a puppy dog, talking about nonsense, when barry clearing was not paying attention. to jj it seemed as if rafe was.. more softer? more happy maybe. but what he knew was he had to text the P4L group chat about this asap. (this hc was inspired by a prompt wrote by hartigays. i really like this idea and may or may not make a little one-shot type of thing out of it..)

i might make a part two of this tomorrow idkkkk

[sourwower]

hi, why do you hc langa as black? no hate to your art btw its amazing and i love the star theme 🌹

i didnt even know i had gotten this i am so sorry 😭😭😭😭😭 and this is such a beautiful wonderful question…

idk honestly i just see most of my favorite characters as black but when i start thinking deeply about why i hc both of them as such it kinda makes me emotional but it might sound weird forgive me for the incoming word vomit

langa being black without anything about his character being changed is just so genius when you think about it. growing up and being friends with different black boys, you can notice a common denominator is that theyre emotionally suppressed in some way lol. so seeing langa in this way where his emotions get to be thoroughly explored, ADDITIONALLY about the feelings for another guy possibly just kinda touches my heart idkkkk :,) langa is monotone but still so expressive, funny, adored, cool, sensitive, soft, caring, selfish, and trying to figure out himself and the bonds he has between his passion/his friends. i feel like there isnt a black character quite like him, so i just made him black LOL. long story short applying an intersection between my life, his blackness and queerness just makes me so happy.

i feel like its hard for a black character to exist in shows and NOT follow the same archetype or personality type. its like this overlaying blanket stopping most of them from being a /person/ outside of being black (in the generational trauma kinda way). but then also if theyre queer they arent allowed to be queer in a black way ? 🤦🏽‍♀️??? or if they look cool theyre usually a side-sideSIDEEEE character. i dont know guys… maybe im crazy. but its so refreshing to see my faves fit my vision while just still being themself. black characters can be anything and anyone and also still be black. it brings this type of representation to the people i love most in this world

Theres a plethora of other reasons too like i just tend to hc alot of blue characters darkskin (LOL), hes a skater (and gay)and its just cooler if hes black idk 🤷🏽‍♀️….what kickstarted all of this was seeing like 2 black edits/drawings on pinterest and i havent seen anyone else that i dont already know do more since ToT

i wish i couldve explained it better sorry asker but long story short i just feel it in my balls

[montammil]

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to tell you what to do! I just was thinking about this and you from what I have gathered don't mind me blowing up your ask box even with good fucking lord that's a lot of words type of asks.

We got a Marshie drunk 🫗...what about a drunk sad open to vulnerability Nathan 😖 what if his auntie got him tipsy to talk about how his father's been treating him?

(The angry trying to be stoic ones from what I have gathered from my experiences seeing others be the drunk ones, that are the really sad ones.)

And comes to the conclusion that she'll easily manipulate Nathan into accepting his recapture (which kinda works...but obviously he needs a few sessions talks! 🤪👆) #"therapy"

And then she cusses and beats the ever-loving dog shit outta Lawrence but subtly in a way that doesn't prevent him from doing too much. (You mentioned she hates physical violence but that's apparently all he understands.)

Nothing she couldn't have him act as if old age is catching him early!

Idkkkkkkk....feeling like it's a good idea🍶

Auntie wouldn't be allowed to watch him again but what if what if what if...It's her fucking house and she can do whatever in the hell she wantssssss ahhhh, Idk I was just inspired to write it down and share it with you.

Idkkkk ahhh, I was thinking abt. how to get me some Nathan up in my fics & I think I found it

I feel like it's a good idea too!! Charlotte backstabbing Lawrence is something I might write in the future!!

[maknaesdancersrappers]

i had to take a nap bc this chapter actually tired me out and made me feel sick 😭😭😭 YOUR WRITING IS SOOO GOOD like can we just take a sec to praise you? to be able to make your audience feel the same genuine feelings as your character is just mind blowing like you’re really THAT girl 💅🏾👏🏾👏🏾

idkkkk jae is looking v sus i cant deny that but i went through the playlist you put together for devoted and analyzed some of the songs to see if i could come up with a theory and honestly i still don’t think jae is gonna hurt y/n….

hEAR ME OUT !! dr. jeon legit said while y/n is the trigger she’s also the solution and you’ve made it very clear that no matter what jae will never hurt her…at least physically. he’s def done some things he shouldn’t have and i wouldn’t be surprised if the wedding is put on pause but i think they’ll find their way back to each other or some type of understanding like in college.

when y/n was chatting to jae’s mom she said something along the lines of how she’ll stay forever + in an open forum ask she said the only reason she would leave him is if he were to kill someone…which to our knowledge he hasn’t sooooo🤷🏽‍♀️

#teamjae until the end !!!

also got my eyes on kun….one of the songs on the playlist really gave me the vibes he’s still in love with y/n so now he’s on the suspect list for sure bc there’s no way he’s just gonna let her go like that? especially now that she knows the truth + she knows that he technically didn’t leave her willingly…what if he thinks this is his way back into her life?

this fic is just tooooo good and i’m v happy to have you back :) 🫶🏾🫶🏾

girl istg ur one of the best readers to have bc u just deep dive into every fic and dissect everything like i imagine u like this:

AHAHAHAHHAAH

i luv u for it!!!! thank u so much bb and im glad to be back here uwu

[starfxkrinc]

Yeah valid point but I also feel Ike she only name dropped because in all honesty you and Hannah are the main leaders of the convo and she probably just wanted to I guess provide examples

bling anon

i feel like again she coulda did that without naming us examples rlly didnt need to be provided and then pinning the post like idkkkk im allowed to feel some type of way abt that especially since me and hannah are such a minority in this way of viewing their relationship we coulda like. been blocked.

[starsdailyjournal]

Journaling for my mental health as an epic scene girl (not clickbait) Day 1!

Today (sunday) I woke up at like 12:44 am or pm idkkkk but it was when the sun was up and like my dad had asked me to call him and since I have like ptsd I tweaked out but I brushed my teeth first because like I'm trying to get myself into the routine of doing that now. Anyway I called him and he just wanted me to like make my sister breakfast and put the food we made in the fridge but like he rlly freaked me out by just texting me "Call me when you wake up.". And he said he was getting us pizza which is now one of my least favorite things to hear from him (because of the c-a-l-o-r-i-e-s and because I'm really bad at expressing grattitude to him since we are sorta close (he is my bio dad I've known him all my life its complicated). But anyway I made my lil sister (10 yr old nerd) an awesome omelet with mozerela and sausage slices AND a cheese crust idk how to explain it basically I put cheese in a pan after I made the omelet and when it was still melty and not hard I put the omelet I already made on it and the I folded the whole thing when the cheese was cooked!! I bet it was yummy idk tho but anyway after that I scammed someone on adopt me (l-o-l) for like an fr panda, r sloth and nfr or nr hydra they got 20k rh diamonds tho soooo yk its fine!!! I was gonna scam sum more but like I got stuck trying to figure out how to use razer cortex (because royale high is so laggy on this dumb laptop) and I was stuck on that for hours legit untile dinner!! but while I was stuck on that my dad came home and gave me some chocolate which was nice but it also sucked because I CANT express grattitude its rlly hard for me bc I'm too grateful that I feel like if I tried to put into words the gratuity I feel I would spaz. BUT anyway I haven't eaten the chcolate yet (also its dark chocolate and if u dont fw dark chcolate ur ai generated) but I did eat 2 slices of this rlly oily garlic pizza for dinner just now! it was gross and I lowk cant stand that it's in my system (iykyk) but I can't do nun abt it BUT I am starting my fast rn and it should last this whole week!! So that'll make up for this but erm IDK ahhahahaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't like talking abt eating but this is an honest journal... Should I add TWs?? Bc I rlly dont wanna I be sleepy at night which is when I'll be typing these out. Omgeee also like I've wanted to go back to being quarantine level chronically online 4ever now bc I love doing that in the summer but my dad has parental controls on all my stuff (including this laptop) so I cant go on disboard n stuff to find online friends to give me entertainment n stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!! but I FOUND A WAY YALL!! I'm just gonna be ROBLOX chronically online tho I am a robloxian already (since 2018) I want to be one of those ppl who are always on it yk (thats why I was scamming today n trynna unlag royale high) SOOO when I'm not studying I'm gonna be scamming and trading in royale high and adopt me!!! Maybe I'll try n make sum friends but rn I'm focused on the games I'm already planning on getting my dp from starpets n I have a decent halo + ltbs on rh n all my dream stuff besides 1 set n 2 accesories!! so like I'm prettyyy good but I wanna get REALLY good like those ppl who have 5 owls and 8 parrots lolz! And I literally love roblox and everyone who plays it (besides anyone with brainrot humor ironic or unironic idc) everyone else are so cool!!! So like yea and I have 30 dollars that I'm prob gonna use on robux I might try n get headless bc my mom pays me to do computer science courses and my dad pays me half of whatever my mom pays me!! Honestly I feel like journaling is sm fun rn i love talking but nobody ever listens screaming into the cyber void is so fun!!! Also I'm gonna likeeeee eat my chocolate after I shower rn probs and then my fast starts!!! ALSO omg halloween is coming up!! I'm def gonna be a vampire! If anyone enjoyed my journal tell me what your gonna be for halloween!! Omg if my journal/blog gets big I would call the ppl who read it bats!! that would be sosososo cooool ANYWAY FOLLOW ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

[alexxxx-ithymia]

I think I have a crush (and I’m hesitant to call it that because I don’t wanna get my hopes up) and this is the only place I can talk about it because he’s in all of my close friends lists everywhere else

And I still think Vanessa isn’t fully on board with it so I can’t talk to her about it either. I tried the other day and she didn’t seem as interested as she is in anything else I usually share with her. It’s not like he’s a bad guy because she thinks of him like her little brother. I think she’s wary of the fact that I’m such a sensitive, lover girl and he’s had to do a lot of emotional growth over the past couple years and she’s VERY protective of me

But yeah, I think I have a crush on Sam and we’ve been friends for years. Our whole foundation is built on hyping each other up and making each other blush and it’s really cute. We have a very on and off flirtatious type of relationship and we’ve brought up going on a date for years but we live in different states now and he was in a toxic relationship before so it never happened. The other day he told me to let him know when I’d be in nyc again and he’ll clear his schedule for me and omgggg 🥰🥰🥰 That made me feel some type of way (in a good way) So I told him I love a man of his word because he still wants to take me out all these years later and he hearted that message. Another day, I complimented his outfit and he told me to stop rizzing him up and I told him he hasn’t even see me try yet. So he said he’s waiting for it and I told him I can’t have him falling in love over 900 miles away. He hearted the message and said that’s something he would say. And just idkkkk I love this banter and I’m all giggly and I feel like a teenager again

But also, I’m so annoyed because me?? Being all giddy over a man??? Me anticipating a man’s attention??? ��

Pero like, I can’t stop thinking about him and the potential this could have when I move to his state. (I’m moving for work, not for him. He’s just a bonus) But again, I don’t wanna get my hopes up because we’re adults and shit happens. Especially because he almost got into a relationship recently but it fell through. I have to keep telling myself to just let things happen and enjoy this for what it is

[marchiveeee]

Rating the "relationship material" type of MCL's LI: platonic, sexual or romantic (my Candy's version)

Feel free to do yours too, and tell me if you do, I love to read this kind of stuff (I hope you enjoy as well)!!!! If you're asexual, you can just ignore the "sexual" option; and if you're aromantic, you can ignore the romantic. And yes, this is an alternative version of MFK game, but we are not K anyone here, we're making friends!!!

Armin: platonic, but with a sexual twist, I'LL EXPLAIN. I see my Candy and Armin as besties, so they do have some kind of chemistry going on, but most of the times it seems as if she, Alexy and Armin were cousins. Maybe it would get to a sexual "level" if they were both drunk, or wanting to release some stress; I don't imagine it happening often tho..

Castiel: romantic! That's an old one... My Candy and Castiel have a lot in common and the way they built their friendship (IN MY HEADCANON) would've definitely lead to something more. They would be that kind of friends that people look at and say "you two make such a cute couple" (insert tomato Castiel and tomato my-Candy)

Eric: tbh I don't really know him and I don't know the relationship he'd have with my Candy bc I didn't play many episodes after the end of hsl. But from what I know, and from the spoilers I've seen, I don't think they would be close, Eric would be just someone she happens to know bc of a friend. And he's not her type.

Hyun: Oh god, definitely platonic! I see them as really close friends and that's it. They'd love each other as friends.

Kentin: platonic as well. She does think he's cute, and after his whole transformation she definitely thinks he's gotten hot, but the feeling of friendship is still there and I don't see much chemistry going on between them. (He's really hot tho, if I were talking about my terms of relationship material maybe that wouldn't be the case👀. Especially after Alternate Life, I've been interested in "van life" for some years)

Lysander: platonic again. Just like Hyun, my Candy sees Lys as a close friend and would definitely make some effort to keep in touch with him even after hsl BC I believe they have some interesting long conversations with each other. Maybe the fact he's Castiel's best friend influences the "platonic status," but still... I don't see them together. (If it was me tho.... Ok, that's not about me. Moving on)

Nathaniel: that's TOUGH!!!!!! But... In my Candy's pov... Idkkkk, maybe there's some attraction between them but idk if it would get to a friendship with benefits in HSL, probably later on it could happen... And if their "friendship with benefits" goes well, I definitely see them going for a relationship.

Priya: Idk Priya as a love interest very well (for the same reason as Eric), but it wouldn't be hard for them to go to the next level (sexual or romantic). I believe it's just like Nath, but in this case I can see it happening during hsl.

Rayan: Hmm... That's difficult too. I don't see my Candy studying Art History as a major, but I 100% see her as an Art enthusiast. SO... If I were to create a fic on my mind about them, they would probably meet in a museum/gallery/library and exchange numbers and from this it escalates to something else. Maybe they are still professor and student of the same University, but he's not her professor. I will stop here, bc I'm starting to have ideas and this is not the post for an entire fic kkkk IN CONCLUSION: They have the chemistry, but I'm not sure it's enough for my Candy and him to "click" at first.

[neowinestainedress]

MY HEART IS BROKENNNNNNN i dont think ive cried this much over a fic before. Holy fuck. Im- i- im speechless. The fact that even yn's mom and jaemin's mom and their family were so inconsiderate and just thinking abt jaemin, WTF IM SO SAD AND ANGRY LIKE SHUT UPPPP. yn really didnt deserve any of this, at moments when i was reading she gets the flowers like i would've just snapped at jaemin so hard like Idgaf. And honestly he doesn't deserve to be happy with his stupid ass fiance after putting her through that???? like fucking top 10 anime betrayals type shit.

Like he really doesn't deserve to be happy and idk if that's rude to day or whatever but that's how I feel. Like okay idc if he didn't mean to hurt her, but he did, fuck him.

I hope him and his fiance get a divorce and he is miserable forever. JSHDJD TOO MEAN? idk and idc.

AND YN :(((((( </////3 seeing her heal is honestly so hard to even imagine.

In some ways this story kinda reminded me of my situation but uh yeah.

For yn, idk what will happen with her. A happy ending is probably everyone would want, but I don't see it im sorry. i dont think yn gets a happy ending, I think idk......... she might die -? IDK IDKKKK but yeah amazing fic, you fucking annihilated my heart and I cried so much

I WARNED YOU (but still can i mend it with a virtual hug?)

Yeah, I want to fight both families so bad (and you'd be like WHY DO YOU WRITE IT??? because I'm the queen of pain and drama)

And honestly he doesn't deserve to be happy with his stupid ass fiance after putting her through that???? like fucking top 10 anime betrayals type shit.

No he definitely doesn't. It's not even the fact he doesn't love her but it's the way he acted about it. She was betrayed so much they grew up side by side, he knew how she would've taken it and still did it.

Like he really doesn't deserve to be happy and idk if that's rude to day or whatever but that's how I feel. Like okay idc if he didn't mean to hurt her, but he did, fuck him. I hope him and his fiance get a divorce and he is miserable forever. JSHDJD TOO MEAN? idk and idc.

No, no, you're right. I have to say that his 'i didn't mean it' in my mind was mostly like 'oh, we've been friends forever you can't be mad at me, right? you will understand this and forgive me somehow?' once again highlighting how in his mind she was still a best friend.

In some ways this story kinda reminded me of my situation but uh yeah.

every time one of you tells me this it breaks my heart like WHO IS HURTING YALL SO BAD I WILL FIGHT THEM

For yn, idk what will happen with her. A happy ending is probably everyone would want, but I don't see it im sorry. i dont think yn gets a happy ending, I think idk......... she might die -? IDK IDKKKK but yeah amazing fic, you fucking annihilated my heart and I cried so much

Spoiler: in the first draft the car accident was mortal... but then i changed it because i knew that if i killed her yall would've found me and killed me instead.

I answered here how it ends for me but i also get your point of you. she was suicidal, like, no playing around, so i totally understand why you don't see her ever getting up from this situation. For me, the situation gets so bad for her that she has to fight back because seeing everyone else thrive off her pain drives her insane and she's like 'fine, you had your fun, now it's my turn, and I'll get back everything i should've had in the first place.'

Thank you so much for this! I'm glad you enjoyed it even through the pain 💗💗

[mrskurono]

hello three! its me again ah i just need to empty my thoughts here if thats okay with u 😳

so yeaaah i think im sexually attracted to women but romantically? im not sure yet maybe bc idk how to handle my feelings thats why i dont want to be romantically involved with anyone (not yet) does it make sense? 😭😭 everytime i watch porn on twt and a dick shows up i get pissed like? WTF UR RUINING IT i dont want to see that thing get it away from me! im here for the girl 😭😭 the only porn involving men i like is when they're submissive lol but u know what im also attracted to masc lesbians idkkkk im starting to think i dont care about genders anymore bc i want to rail girls and i also wouldnt mind taking the strap wooooh! ☝️ The thing is i want to explore my sexuality and gender more but im only attracted to foreign ppl and in this Pandemic??? LMAOOOO

is it okay if i dont label myself until i finally figured all out? 😭 sorry if this was too long i hope ur having a great day with ur family and always keep safe thank u sm three ❤️❤️ - 98ANON

We’ll I’m not sure what you mean by foreign (unless you just mean people you don’t know) but the rest of it I really wouldn’t worry about!

I did something similar with guys as I got older. Dated a few. Found out I’m not particularly fond of being romantically involved with men but I do like to be sexually interested every once in a while. But prefer the company of women so much more.

Also liking more masculine or feminine women does not under any circumstance dictate if you like dudes or not. A woman could be as “butch” as they come and you can be attracted to her and still not be interested in men. That entire crap about “well if you like such masculine looking women you must wanna sleep with a man” is such bullshit and excludes the entire spectrum of gender then bc people come in every shape, size and presentation. 

And it’s more than ok not to ever label yourself! And it’s ok if you label yourself and change your mind. Or you never find a label that suits you until maybe years down the line. Gender identity and sexuality can and will change. I’m not the same person I was at 16 or 18 or 22 even. With that how I view myself and what I value in a partner sexually and emotionally have changed a lot (except liking brown eyes and brown hair, that right there i def have a type) More than anything be safe and I know this pandemic is hard but it sincerely won’t last forever. It feels like it will but it will and then you can safely explore anything and everything! 

I’d actually highly suggest looking through some women directed adult material. It’s normally way nicer and there’s an intimacy that having a woman filmmaker shoot a porno that is so much hotter than the run of the mill crap

Worry not you’re always safe here baby and treat yourself well and with lots of love <3333

[yeocult]

ateez film diary analysis

ok i am currently typing with tears in my eyes but that’s cool!!!! gonna talk about ateez diary film for a moment. btw if you’re here for theories, this might not be for you, my brain is not capable of that critical thinking lmao. although, i will be rambling/analyzing the cinematography and overall admiring the film!! under the cut because this happened to be 1.5k words oops.

man, first of all, 16 minutes?? thank you for the food kq!! i think their concept is super cool. it’s unpredictable, refreshing, and just gives me a lot of high hopes for this comeback. ateez never disappoints, they come back each time stronger and better.

“this is the story where their dimensions are split into eight pieces again.” that kinds hurt me. throughout the film we see clips of them being happy and joyful with each other, but we also see scenes where they’re all alone. they didn’t get separated by losing contacts or whatever, literally dimensions.

phew okay, when the man with the black fedora approaching hongjoong like that was soooo dskjdj ugh i love it when they have a bright light in the back, capturing the silhouette perfectly. sorry i’m such a sucker for those types of shoots!! now hongjoong’s dream. “the world inside a television cannot be reached. the world they live in and the world that i live in is blocked.” yea.. they’re separated from dimensions. isn’t that so heartbreaking?? separated by time and space. 

um this might be a huge stretch, plus i’m horrible at science. i’ve read a lot of articles on where, ‘if time stopped would gravity still apply?’ and i thought of this because of the items floating up around hongjoong. without time, gravity, acceleration, speed and force are simply meaningless, so i guess that’s why it’s floating? as if we’re going back in time. there’s a lot of consequences and weird things on going back in time/time travelling (most famously the ‘bootstrap paradox’) because time is not an object and cannot ‘go’ anywhere at all, not forward, not backward, nor can it stop. so i expected some not so happy events to occur.

anyways moving on to seonghwa’s memory. i loved this. “i thought i lacked in many areas and have much to learn.” then we see a bunch of to-do lists and i guess they’re kinda like goals to accomplish or things he wants to learn. the somewhat long shot of him sitting on this table and the camera moving away from him gave me a sense of isolation (i also don’t know why yeo in the smn box is on the tv but it could mean he’s trapped). we also see him walking straight, kinda like following a straightforward path with a lot of control, hence the to-do lists. then he hits stops. now the girl is the total opposite of seonghwa. she’s dancing, moving, and overall carefree i would say. everything seonghwa is lacking. she’s freedom. i don’t have much to say about this scene but i really like how when he was walking one step at a time, it was completely dark. but as soon as it hits stops and sees her, there were lights.

now my favourite, wooyoung’s choice. that transition to seonghwa’s little emo time to wooyoung’s hyped underground music and dancing was the serotonin boost i needed. let’s talk about his ponytail because it made me a whole simp for him. plus he’s so fucking cool?? if i become a wooyoung biased soon, you know why. he talks about stage fright and the scene where people were looking down at the camera was perfect, low camera shots show dominance or superiority. when you have stage fright, you’re worried and insecure about your abilities (at least that’s how i feel) and with people look down at you is almost like they’re judging and aren’t expecting much from you. ateez brings him courage and reassurance, they give him strength. the last scene with the rain and the flickering light so chilling. its almost like the rain washed away his everything.

yeosang’s time giving me slight dark academia vibes and i’m here for it!!! also bird metaphors?? yes please! “limited freedom. like a bird in a cage.” we see yeosang in a room surrounded by other musicians but he isn’t playing his instrument. almost like he doesn’t wanna be there or has no real passion for this field. hence him talking about ‘expanding his dreams’. we get a close shot at his face looking forward to the right, i feel as if he’s daydreaming or reaching out. taking back to say my name, we have yeosang trapped inside that box, almost like the birds with limited freedom. he drops his violin and suddenly the birds (they symbolize peace, transformation, freedom and power) are free, giving us a scene with his friends. he’s free.

san’s resolution might just be my favourite in terms of cinematography. can we just talk about the long amount of time san has the stay put for the timelapse to work?? the scene wins my heart. now we see the classroom in a mess, meaning school was never enjoyable to san. always moving and no friends. the way he’s moving seems like there’s not much he can do in his life. the escalator scenes kinda look like the one in wonderland. time is always moving, the escalator moving, and san runs back up despite it moving in the opposite direction. im not sure where i was going with this but i thought i was kinda cool, how he’s running back up to be with his friends.

next, we have yunho and his brother. in a matter of seconds, all the light in the studio flicker and turns off. this is quite similar to the flicker lights in wooyoung’s last scene. there’s a pattern here with flickering lights and how it means lost and loneliness. we don’t know what 5:07 mean, maybe its completely relevant but knowing kq and their team, almost everything seems intentional. also i saw on twt (not my analysis) but seonghwa’s to-do list includes a task of learning how to drive, then we get yunho getting hit by a car. not sure where i got from this but i thought i would include it.

actor jongho!!!! he’s so good i love him. ok so we get that basketball was his dreams but due to his broken leg, it seems impossible for him to pursue that dream. we him sitting at a distance, admiring the game and the people who are able to play. but when he’s in the court, he’s all alone (might just be because he can’t go in court when other people are playing but just let me be deep for a second oki). the burning basketball means he cannot play again. then the fight scene between him and mingi. i want to talk about the camera work for a second. it’s unstable, harsh and a little unfocused (because it’s handheld) and it makes it seem like another member’s pov, pushing the realism on us. hmm this might be kinda dumb but the loud bang when mingi got pushed was a little unexpected hence every scene with the boys was all very calm and had music in the back, no sounds. idk just a noticed. ohmygod another silhouette scene with beautiful lighting in the back!!!! the camera is moving away from him, moving away shows weakness. i loveee this so much along with the smoke. his dreams are burning up, literally.

last we have mingi’s diary. “earphones in my ears, the world is mine for now.” again, similar to seonghwa in the dark walking, mingi is isolating himself from the world. he’s using music to escape from reality. mingi looks trapped by the way its shot, cutting off his forehead and lips only showcasing his eyes and nose. this could be his facial features are more important than anything else right now. the camera angle is below mingi, again with the dominance and superiority… because he literally kicked someone. but still the same camera angle except this time mingi is looking up at the sky or forward, not looking down. with that, mingi no longer looks intimidating, he seems slightly vulnerable. and i think that’s really powerful how quickly he transitions despite the same angle. so we know mingi uses music as an escape, “i would rather be alone than encounter the world.” then we see yeosang (by his flannel) taking off his earphones. bringing him back to reality with the boys, and everything seems a lot more peaceful. its kinda like, without his friends, he would rather be isolated. now i want to point how the loud bang from jongho’s shot. it’s literally the same shot but the noise isn’t there indicating that mingi has earphones in (i think even when they’re not literally in, he still shuts out noise), shutting off the noise. i think the little details were so well done. we also get a match cut of mingi blinking, back to the darkness. i think it shows how quickly things can be taken away from you.

MAN THE SCENE WHERE THEY ALL GATHER TOWARDS HONGJOONG JAKJDSJKSDJKSD I CANNOT BREATHE IT GAVE ME SO MUCH CHILLS MYGODDOO !!!!!! like that scene in say my name. gotta love the build up of the song then it drops when the members all show up UGH I LOVED THAT SOO MUCH!! “the memories of short happiness. and dreams broken into pieces” brb gonna cry. the hourglass is finished,, what does this mean? ;o also i cant help but to notice the lighting on how one side is dark and the other has light. this could just be for aesthetics but idkkkk just another notice.

hehe sorry this made no sense,,, anyways that’s all i have to say, i’m so excited for their comeback <33