#idk. whatever. ill fuckin figure something out

[nomaishuttle]

it was pretty fun except i got randomly rly upset and now im still upset. sigh

[snekdood]

ig my biggest issue with fandoms is the almost... false closeness thats there in them? ig since i was a kid and wasnt good at enforcing boundaries and was just excited to find ppl with the same interest I didn't really think about it but be real like, there was a vibe that it was "okay" and "fine" to expose a lot about ourselves to eachother that... i think if we knew eachother irl... we'd hafta be a lot closer than that to see or hear about that stuff...

[mochamadeleines]

Sins, Two Through Four <3

Javi doesnt do good girls. Literally and figuratively.

Theyre nice, sure. Honeyed voices and beautiful eyes. But theyre just not for him. He prefers to stick with what he knows best. Messy, broken, women who are looking to distract themselves with him and his body. Sharp eyes topped with heavy eyeliner and eyeshadow. Women who know what to do with him.

Hes been soiled by the world, therefore belongs with others whove met the same fate. But, hes okay with that. (3.3k words)

tags!! 18+ javier peña x reader ! one shot! inoccent reader i guess?, no set era just vaguely somewhere in the late 80s early 90s :p, since its like entirely from his perspective hes only referred to as Javi and not javier sorry if that bothers u </3, corruption, religious allegories, steve and connie r there for five seconds, dubious I suppose cuz they be drinking, smut but its not like Good and its also there for about five second lolol.., p in v sex, blow jobs, rough sex, lots of depressing internal dialogue for javi Uhhhhhh, Sus thoughts abt causing harm to u I GUESS?? Toxic javi of course lol. kinda bad boy x good girl concept here but he wants to make u WORSE. mannn idk, some dom/sub dynamics if u squinttt

authors notes!! hi! Ok my first Javi fic LOOOOL been binging narcos and i had to take a break from my joel fic in the works to write this shit. I SPENT THE ENTIRE DAY PUMPING THIS OUT AHHHHH Beinf as that ive been working on it For One whole day it may not b my best work but i still had fun!! i kinda like the religious allegories Uhh IM NOT RELIGIOUS OR SCHOLARYLY OR ANYTHING so take whatever i reference with a grain of artsy salt.. enjoy!!!!

Javi doesnt do good girls. Literally and figuratively.

Theyre nice, sure. Honeyed voices and beautiful eyes. But theyre just not for him. He prefers to stick with what he knows best. Messy, broken, women who are looking to distract themselves with him and his body. Sharp eyes topped with heavy eyeliner and eyeshadow. Women who know what to do with him.

Hes been soiled by the world, therefore belongs with others whove met the same fate. But, hes okay with that. 

That brings him to now, at this crowded bar with Steve, later Connie. And you, he guesses. Hes never met you but hes heard of you. Tonight youre tagging along so thats that.

Anyways, Steve is updating him on his daughter and something else about enrolling her in private school but New York City is wildly expensive. Javis caught the eye of a pretty brunette further away from the bar hes sitting at. Shes in a black miniskirt begging to get taken off.

“Stop eye-fuckin’ her, Im talkin’ to you.”

“Relax, Im listening.” Javi takes another drag from his cigarette, tapping away the ash into a tray.”Youre a hard worker, Im sure you can find a way to move up and earn a little more for Olivias private schooling.”

Steve sighs, nursing his beer as he thinks. “Maybe. Just dont wanna be away from her more than i have to be.”

“Mm.”

The brunette beckons him over, and Javi is already sliding off the stool to meet her. “Ill be r-”

“Steve!” 

Connie is here, and so is her-

Friend? 

Youre wearing a baby blue slip with sheer white tights and a thin, white cardigan. Youre pretty. Its only when you introduce yourself and he meets your eyes that hes sure. Youre good. And he doesnt do good. Youre not his type, Javi decides. Lame.

He moves down a seat so you can sit next to Connie whos also next to Steve, and you seem nervous. He gets the feeling you dont come out to places like this a lot. Its too.. Grungy. People smoke inside and get crazy drunk and dance. Probably not your speed. Youre easy to read.

Steve, “Remind me again how you know each other?”

“From work! Shes a nurse.” Connie smiles at Steve first, and then to you. A nurse, of course. Because youre good and its practically oozing off of you. Maybe hes wrong. He hopes hes wrong. Only because youre so pretty, with pretty pink blush and lipgloss. 

You now, “I work in pediatrics.”

You work with children? Jesus christ.

You help people- help your community and take care of children. Javi had to watch children die, over and over, all too complicit each time it happens. No, youre not his type. Hes not into angels. Javi is far from holy and isnt about to desecrate you.

Then there's this feeling that starts to stir in his gut. An ugly feeling that wants to scratch through flesh and bone to get out.  He takes the final drag of his cigarette before smushing it into the ashtray. Why do you bother him so much? Maybe its because upon your arrival that pretty brunette he was eyeing disappeared. A real shame.

But youre here, and your breasts are softly spilling over the neckline of your dress, and while the length is enough to cover your ass when youre standing, the way it looks while youre sitting is a whole different story. Youre good eye candy. Glass half full thinking.

He clears his throat. “How long-” 

The bartender interrupts with a pearly smile. Hes asking if you want anything and hes obviously into you. Annoyingly so.

While youre ordering, Steve and Connie walk away to dance, and Connie stops by Javi, dipping her head to his ear. “Please, please dont fuck my friend.”

Ironic.

“Dont worry,” He leans his elbow on the counter, finishing the rest of his whiskey. “Shes not my type. Go have fun.”

You order three shots of vodka and apple juice. Its a little cute the way you hold your nose while you down each shot and chase it with some juice. Javis on his next glass of whiskey, watching how some of your drink rolls down your collar bone and into the valley of your breasts.

The sight of you is downright sinful. Its not fair.

“You need another shot or are you good now?”

Youre laughing, batting your hand dismissively. “No, No. Im good. I hate alcohol so I wanted to get this part over with and loosen up a little.”

“You dont have to drink it if you dont want to.”

“I like being drunk, just not drinking.”

“Fair enough.”

You fold your hands in your lap, and spin your seat side to side. “You were asking me something earlier?”

“How long have you been a nurse?”

“Three years now. I was working at a different hospital until recently. Thats how I met Connie.”

“Ah.”

“And you? What do you do?”

Javi lets the silence linger a bit. Fuck it. “Uh, CIA- but im retired now.”

“Oh- Yes! Right! Connie- She told me. Im sorry, you probably dont wanna talk about it.”

This is what makes his gums start itching. Most women- who are just as tragic as him- just bat their lashes and tell him its sexy he works for the government.

But you- Youre good. So you actually care about how hes feeling, and arent just trying to fuck him. Maybe that could change?- Ugh- No- no. Just no. Youll be ruined. Youd get dirty and thatd weigh him down like everything else does. Plus, Connie told him not to.

“Um. Have you done anything fun recently? Aside from all that?” Cute how you try to change the subject to spare his feelings.

Javi breaks open a new pack of cigarettes, slipping one out and putting it between his lips, then flicks his lighter on. Once, twice. A fifth time. No dice. The fucking thing ran out fluid. 

“Fuck,” He grumbles.

“Ah! Hold on!”

An eyebrow is raised.

You dig through your purse, and pull out a disposable lighter. You thumb the sparkwheel a couple times to get the flame going.

“Do you mind?”

Javi hums no and leans forward. You do too, cupping your hand over the flame in case it goes out. It lights, and he gets a good drag in.

“Thank you.”

“Youre welcome.” And youre smiling again and Javi wants to shake you around and see where youre hiding your halo. Hes good at getting information out of people. He could get you to confess.

“Any reason you carry around a lighter?”

“Uhh. For medicinal purposes.”

“Cheeky.”

You spin in your chair once, all the way around then wobble when you stop. Javi shoots his arm out to grab yours and keep you steady. 

“Careful.” 

“Thanks.” A short breath. “Still think I need another shot?”

Javi smirks. “Oh, definitely.”

And youre ordering two shots. Bold.

“To answer your question, I havent done any fun things, no- Oh actually, you know what? I went to the art museum the other day.”

“The MET?”

“Mhm.” 

“I went there a few months ago! Its beautiful isnt it? Do you have a favorite exhibit?”

“Probably European sculptures. The ones under the skylights were my favorite.”

“Yeah, those are beautiful.” You look off, dreamy. 

Youre a childrens nurse, youre bad at drinking, you like art, and Javier feels sick just sitting next to you. Theres so much ugly out there, hes sure youre aware, and yet youre as bright as ever infront of him. Youd probably fit right in with The Triumph of the Church. 

 Theres only one word that can describe that ugly feeling swirling in him. 

Envy. He wishes he could be as untouchable as you feel right now.

Theres a push and pull. He wants to taste your lips and roll up your dress and roughen you up, but he cant- he shouldnt. You dont deserve to get felt up by someone so unclean.

And yet,

Your beautiful smile, one that always reaches your eyes, and your precious laugh, and the way youve been nervously playing with your hands this entire time makes him want to break you. To rip those wings out and keep you from flying. 

Javi really is devilish.

“Okay, shot time!” You push one of the glasses towards him. 

“Im not taking a shot,” He takes another puff from the cigarette, then lets it rest on the ashtray.

“C’mon, Javier! Pleeeeeaaaase?” 

“Javi.” He emphasizes.

“Okay.” You nod, “Javi, please?”

“Fine.”

Alright, alright. It didnt take much, but to be fair ‘please’ and ‘Javi’ just sound so good together when you say it. 

Clink! 

You count to three, and together you take the shot. Javi only grimaces at the taste and youre scrambling for the juice after letting go of your nose. Youre so damn messy about it too. Javi gets the bartender to get some napkins.

“I think I'm done,” You cough.

“I think youre done too.” He smiles, “Do you normally spill your drinks on yourself?” 

You patiently hold still while Javi wipes down your mouth, then your chin, then your collarbone, careful to not get too close to your chest. He eyes the dainty necklace that carries your first name initial. 

“Noooo, it all just happens so fast, you know? Oh! And thank you for cleaning me up.” Youre smacking your lips together, “Ah shit, my gloss.” 

“Yeah, looks like you ate it all in the chaos.” He glances over at the four shot glasses, all stained.

You groan after digging through your purse. “Fuck, I left my compact at home.”

“Being a girl seems hard.”

“It is.” You sigh, albeit dramatic. “Ill be back.”

You slide off the stool and almost eat shit actually. At least Javi is there to catch you. Again. This might be a recurring theme tonight considering how many drinks you had. Must be a lightweight.

“Im sorry- Fuck, Im so sorry,” Youre laughing again, and it gets a laugh out of him too. Back on the stool you go.

“If you fall again Im not gonna catch you.”

“Thats okay, I wouldnt catch me either.” 

Javi thinks for a moment, curious. 

“I could, yknow, put the gloss on you. If you want.”

“Really? Youd do that?”

Your eyes are big and bright, lashes accentuated by your mascara. The way you look at him makes him feel oddly special. Its not sultry, or wanting. You have this natural allure to you. Angelic. That alone makes him want to touch you again. To yank you down from the clouds.

“Yeah, gimmie the gloss.”

You put it in his palm and lean towards him. Javi messes with the applicator, listening to the squish of product inside the tube. Seems easy enough.

Javi situates himself more comfortably in the chair, then holds your chin as he applies it. Youre well behaved the entire time, like he expected, except for the fact that you lost your balance again and gripped onto his thigh to keep you from falling. He clears his throat. There are blaring alarms in his head telling him to put distance between you both.

“Sorry.”

“Its alright. I dont mind.”

You swallow nervously. Any angel would be nervous if they were this close to an agent of hell. Get it? Agent?

Javi tucks away the fly aways first. The applicator swipes across your bottom lip, and hes squinting at the little sparkles in the gloss. Its a nice touch. His thumb rubs away any excess to keep it neat.

“Good job for not falling again.” 

“I had some help.” And youre both grinning now.

“Mkay, all done.” 

You smack your lips, nodding. “Thank you.”

This is the moment where Javi should let you go. He should excuse himself and find someone who isnt you, someone whos filthy just like him, and have them instead.

You tilt your head in his palm, letting him cradle your face.

But youre so pretty, and youre so sweet, and youre right there. 

That feeling from earlier is bubbling up again, the need to ruin you. You might look prettier covered in bite marks and sweat, with your hair messed up and your recently applied gloss all gone. Again. 

He shouldnt.

But then again, what are sinners even good for if not this? Converting others and carrying on the missions of the Devil himself, you know, the works. Fuck, its not like he wasnt doing it anyways. Shout out to the government.

Javi observes you, trying to make a decision. “Hey,” 

“Hiii.” 

“Can I take you home?” 

Its was easy, and you were so well behaved about it too. You did a little nervous yapping on the way to his apartment but it was cute. He learned you had a pet cat, and he tells you about the dog he grew up with. You talk about the shitty weather recently and Javi tells you he got rained on and slipped going up the stairs. It settles your nerves. Good. His phone keeps ringing in the glove compartment, but he just tells you to ignore it. Steve no doubt.

He makes sure to hold your hand on the way up to his apartment, giving it a squeeze before he lets go to open the door.

Javi’s heart never usually pounds this hard bringing any woman to his place, and its downright sinnister how excited he is. 

When the door closes, you both leave your shoes at the door. 

“Want anything? I dont have any apple juice but I can give you orange juice? Water if you want that instead?” 

“Orange juice sounds good.”

You begin to linger about his living room. Youre probably getting a feel for how impersonal it all is. Plain. His room is a bit more interesting, at least. 

Javi hands you the glass and shucks off his leather jacket, draping it over one of the kitchen chairs.

The first time he kisses you, is while walking through to the entrance of his bedroom. One hand gripping your hip and the other cradling the back of your head. He swallows ever whimper, every sigh, every squeak until the back of his knees hit the edge of the mattress. Javi pulls away, watching the string of spit snap and cling to your bottom lip.

“Are you good at following directions?”

“Yes-Yes. I am.” You choke out.

Now sat on the bed, “Great. On your knees then.” 

Tonight, youre going to pray. Youre going to sing.

You hesitate to get down, but do it with no complaints. Javi stretches over to the bedside table, grabbing a spare pack of cigarettes and lighter. 

Your eyes are on him, patiently waiting for another command. 

He continues to smoke at a leisurely pace, petting your head and caressing the apples of your cheeks. Youre leaning into his hand affectionately again.

Youre hit with some of the excess smoke he breathes out, coughing a bit. 

“Javi-”

“No more talking. Understand?”

A beat passes, and you nod again, only shuffling forward to rest your head on the inside of his thigh. Javi taps away the ash.

“Good girl.”

You stay down there for a little while, only squirming and wiggling to relieve the soreness settling into your knees. You dont talk, you dont whine, you dont go grabbing at him. You stay put because he didnt tell you to do anything else. Youre good. Angels are loyal to a fault.

When you do get a command, youre perking up like a dog. Cute. Javis telling you to take his cock out.

You go for it, and he tuts at you. “Do it slow.”

And so, youre doing it slowly now, pulling out the leather from under the buckle, opening it up and then popping open the button to his jeans. Your lips press into a thin line, looking up at him for reassurance.

“Go on.”

His zipper is pulled down at a snails pace, and your eyes widen at the lack of underwear. No surprise there. Javi sighs when you take him your hand. 

He lets you feel him up curiously, your thumb wisping over his flushed tip, smearing along the white beads gathering there. 

“Put it in your mouth.”

You stiffen, unsure. Javis reminded that youre good and you probably dont do this kind of thing a lot. 

“Its not hard, nena. Promise. Want me to teach you?”

Youre nodding now, more eagerly.

“Start by kissing it.”

Tentatively, you kiss starting from the bottom up- That much you know how to do- So its a good start. He sighs out the last bit of smoke and stretches over to the bedside again to put out the cigarette. 

After kissing, youre licking, and after licking, youre finally trying to swallow him. He groans, holding the back of your head and coaxing you to take more.

You gag, backing out to catch your breath then taking him in again.

“Jus’ like that- Fuck-”

And somehow the slight inexperience gives you the upperhand. You want to be good for him, and your  clumsy hands are doing as much as they can to make up for your lack of deep-throating capabilities.

Its when you suck harshly on the head that he hunches forward with a gasp. “Yeah-Yes.”

You do it again, and again, and hes so fucking close now but he stops you. Not yet.

“You did good.” Javi reassures you. “Get up.”

You wobble up onto your feet and hes pulling you into a kiss, hands exploring you all over with urgency. He needs it now, to do what he wanted to do at the bar when he first started talking to you. He needs to drag you down with him.

Javi pulls your cardigan off, and then your dress, and as more layers of your clothing come off the more he cant wait. Youre moaning under his tongue, only squirming when he nips at the flesh of your torso, leaving a trail of blossoming bruises in his wake. He tells you to lay down and you follow accordingly. 

Javi kisses up your stomach, and the junction between your neck and shoulder. You almost speak, almost. And it has his dick harder than he thought it could get. Youre still obeying. Fucking incredible.

He pulls your hips forward, making you whimper. A finger traces through your folds, and he practically gushes with pride just feeling what hes done to you so far. He hasnt even gotten to the best part.

“Talk to me,”

Youre babbling now, “K-Keep touching me- Dont stop. Please, Javi.” There it is again. ‘Please’ and ‘Javi’. He cant say no to someone whos been so reverent thus far.

He rewards you by tracing soft circles around your clit, watching the way your abdomen flexes at the pressure. The combination of nervousness and arousal has your thighs quaking around his forearm. You give in so easy. 

Javi tells you to lay on your stomach, Then, hes pressing kisses up your spine to soothe you. To sedate you. 

You practically crumble when his cock reaches all the way inside you. This is it. Hes going to rip those obnoxious fucking wings out of your back.

“Javi,” You wheeze, clawing at the sheets. His hand sits on the nape of your neck to keep you pinned down. Javi grunts, doubling forward over your back. Its almost like hes punishing your guts just because youre you. 

He grabs your wrists instead, pulling them behind your back and anchoring himself with one hand. The other curls into your hair, yanking your head up from the pillow you covered in drool. 

You sob, trembling when Javi buries himself to the hilt. Hes panting over your neck like a dog, licking and nipping there like one too.

“Thank you,” You sniffle, twisting your neck to get a glimpse of him. Your mascaras running down your face. Humble, even in the face of your own sacrilege. 

Javi shushes you with a sloppy kiss. Hell only accept your thanks when hes finally run you dry.

Tonight is the night you fell from grace. All because of him.

[kansasjean]

times like these im forced to reckon with weird shit alone but im thinking back on something that happened with my ex. prior to us dating he had this friend who was the cute flavor of beautiful and skinny (my worst nightmare) and they would get drunk and watch anime together (two things I couldn't do because I have GERD + I only watch girl animes). the night we first admitted our feelings for each other he literally ditched me to go hang out with her and her situationship (?). anyway we started dating and she got really weird to me. she already didn't like me despite the fact I was one of the few women defending her from the misogynistic ass loser men she chose to be friends with but whatever. we weren't friends by any stretch of the word so I get it she had no loyalty because I chose to have morals.

so one night me and the ex were making on each other and she calls him at 1 am. im like what the fuck? and I got up out of that bed so quick. he ignores it but I was peeved. so later he texts her to figure out wtf the phone call was about. they text back and forth with immediate responses for a few minutes. finally she was like heyyy omg im having a party and I want you to come <3333. unfortunately for him, I was with him so he had to text back "can Kansas come?" and I shit u not. no response for hours. like girl. I was PISSED. especially because she had invited the entire floor of film majors and excluded me.

so later I was forcing my ex to watch The Simpsons with me in the common area big ass tv. this woman comes out. im like >:(. but she starts talking to him while eating a whole loaf of wonder bread like some fetish artists wet dream. she's like so are... you guys going to come. and I was like no. we're friggin busy. anyway so awkward plussss I forgot that earlier in the week she made fun of my outfit in front of my ex and he didn't say shit. it was a baller ass outfit too. I was serving whimsigoth. so whatever I hated her.

the part where shit gets really weird is he ends up blocking her without asking me. NOW BEFORE THE INSTAGRAM REELS COMMENTERS GET ME let me explain why I didn't like this. multiple times I asked him to just be honest about their relationship and what had happened between them. im fully supportive of cross-gender friendships, and although I sound really snarky and mad in this rant, at the time I was very supportive of him continuing their friendship as long as she stopped being flirty. all he ever told me was "I informed her we were dating now." and that was supposed to make everything better. and for a month or so I thought it did. we had had no new problems. but then all of a fucking sudden you HAVE to block her?

I will admit I had bad-mouthed her to people for a really long time over the sneaky shit she did when she knew ex and I were together. ive learned my lesson but at the same time, if you are openly flirting with people in relationships, you deserve to get what's coming to you. but I still think I coulda taken a fuckin Xanax about it idk. I blame my own actions and choices but the BPD def contributed,,,,,,,,, not an excuse but I think we gotta call a spade a spade and then try to beat that spade to death in therapy

anyway one time I got in an argument with my ex because he was shitting on her for her personality and like yeah I defended her because I don't know and I don't care. I was like if she's such a horrible, crazy person why were you friends with her? anyway he said it was because he was only friends with women he found hot LOL and then admitted to thinking she was hot LOL and that the only reason he wasn't with her is because "she was crazy" LOL

ugh I just spent 30 minutes writing this and then had dinner and now I don't wanna think about this anymore because it makes me feel suicidal like I wanna rip all the veins out of my fucking wrists fuck my life and the worst part is ill never find someone willing to tolerate me ever again

[061801]

Ok so I wasn’t gunna do a lot of typing but I really feel some type of way about the guy I’m kinda seeing. We’ve been friends for a long time and I’ve seen him do things to others so I know how he is. I’ve never taken him seriously because of it. But that was years ago and I guess I trusted him because he is a very honest person and admits random things to me that most people wouldn’t so idk I do feel like he is genuine for the most part. However we just live 2 totally different kind of lives, we’re over 10 years apart. I am honestly convinced he thinks I am so naive and vulnerable that he expects me to just say yes and nod my head and follow whatever he says. Even though he says he’s trying not to control me and he knows I can do whatever I want; he throws in side comments like “girls who do that have no lives, girls that do that will never get a bf” etc “but if that’s what u wanna do I’m not gunna stop u” and when I get pressed he’s like ur choosing to be offended like ya im trying to find a career and the guy I like sounds like he’s insinuating that that’s how ill end up. Even tho he’s not specifically saying those words I am not gunna sit here and act dumb and say that’s not how he is predicting id turn out if I worked certain jobs.

Anyway that’s just one other argument we get into. The second most recent one wasn’t really his fault. I woke up and he wasn’t in bed next to me and he had told me before he would go up to the couch and text his ex when he was with his other ex and I’m not really the type of girl to sit here like a fool over it I’ll fuckin leave so I unfortunately figured that was what he was doing cuz I didn’t have sex with him the night prior and I went home at like 5 am. It wasn’t dramatic I didn’t argue with him I just left and he woke up and heard me. He ended things with me cuz he apparently wants to work on his religion and end up marrying another woman; that’s a whole other fucking thing. We’ve always been fwb but it’s been more serious lately and I thought maybe he’d lean away from that option but he’s still planning on it so I argue with him like wtf am I here for just to fill the void??? What’s the point and he’s like just enjoy it while it lasts. I guess but I don’t wanna waste time with someone who isn’t even gunna wife me. Anyway he said he missed me after almost a week and he wanted to see me so we hung out all that. I went to my home town with my friend and for no reason he goes i think I’m in between something here I’m weirded out. And I’m like literally what makes u think ur in between something and he’s like he (my friend) wants u so bad he’s ur sugar daddy and I know that’s what u want. Another back handed fucking comment. The way I talk about girls who have sugar daddies and don’t work is negative and he talks about them the same way. So for him to refer me as one of those girls and saying I wanna be like that is insane. And he’s like whattttt I just want you to be happy so I want you to have what makes you happy how am I being a bad guy !??!?!?! Like you’re fucking saying I’d be happy mooching off someone which i have never fucking said i would actually do. The fact you look at me that way is crazy. And he’s like ur the one taking offence that’s not my fault like buddy if I sit here and say I know u only rly get with average girls…. Whattttt I know u like average girls so that’s just what u dooooooo like fuck out of here u know what ur saying is back handed and I fucking can’t stand people who play like they aren’t. They know what they’re doing. So when I start getting all riled up about it first of all he said he was just asking if he was in the way, he didn’t ask. He said HE FELT like he was. He was basically saying that is his opinion. I’m having a good time 3 hours away and you want to basically start up some debate about how you think you are and how I explain to you for the 7th time that you’re wrong. If you feel that way then leave, secondly if I wasn’t someone ur just gunna leave as soon as u find what u need in life then I would go out of my way to make sure you don’t feel like ur in between something but I can’t take it that serious. He always says we’re not together but you’re my girl and I used to love that but like nah u don’t like when I do certain things but u don’t wanna stay with me so why am I obeying someone who’s gunna leave me lol. He says if I don’t listen to him then my life’s gunna spiral down. I need to prove to this guy that he’s wrong. So after he makes me mad cuz he knows what he’s doing and just refuses to admit it; he says you exploded and u need to enjoy ur trip. Why u wanna spend ur trip mad? BITCH I DONT U FUXKING WANTED TO START AND I EXPLAINED MYSELF CUZ U GOT ME FUCKED UP AND NOW U JUST WANNA GHOST THE SITUATION AS IF U DIDNT FUCKIN STIR THE POT like bye bye bye bye bye

[poryphoria]

hi hello its 3:30 AM and i am physically about to fall over anyways this fuckin post [(tumblr dot com)/arowanaprincess/721886431053758464?source=share ] reminded me of your post [(tumblr dot com)/poryphoria/718433397277638656/thinking-abt-thematics-i-personally-think-project]

sure hope the links dont fuck themswlvs over. anyways

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm trying to figure out what parts of madcom are what and. i think everything related to project nexus. madness prpkect nexus the game on steam with a funny little storyline. meta-wise. i think it is a tragedy (heavy quotations on that) because it did not have to end that way. if only phobos had listened. if only hank had stepped down.

and i think. at some point. at some part of project kobold, it locked itself firmly into the fact it had to end that way. with all the preliminary preparation, integration behind the scenes, everything. at some point it’s just a speeding train and gonne is riding it to its conclusion. it is a machine (geddit) with no failsafe and the off switch is long broken. had to end this way, only way it could ended

dichotomy of meat and machinery, too, because people are messy and weird and could well have changed their minds, and the machine is tireless towards whatever end it works towards. you can (you could’ve, can’t anymore) change people’s minds. you cannot stop whatever clockwork force you meddled with once you are tangled enough

idk what my point was meant to be. i’m gonna collapse now

please drop a something in my askbox if the links broke ill try to resend them btw

SORRY BOUT THE DELAY, was in a vc when i saw this & needed a sec to properly gather my thoughts once i got outtie

but GHOUGGHH GOD IF THIS DOESNT FUCKIN BEAT ME TO SHREDS!!!!! i fucking LOVE parallels this shit drives me INSANE DUDE AAVVHH. (VERY VERY GLAD YOU SEE ALL THAT AS A TRAGEDY TOO, BTW. madcom as a whole and phobos and hank r literally textbook "doomed by the narrative" tragic motherfuckers and every time i think about them i step one inch closer to the deep deep chasm of insanity)

not much else to say on the matter other than i think this is a really fucking cool read on things and im generally super fucking fond of your takes on this series & please please god you or anyone at all can ALWAYS feel free to toss stuff like this in my ask bin box bc i find it SO ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL EVERY TIME this made my night :}}}}}}} !!!!!!!!!!

TALK TO ME ABOUT MEDIA ANALYSIS ILL KISS YOU ON THE MOUTH

[thevaneltia]

im going to do these all at once cuz fuck waiting a month to answer all the questions.

also i havent finished the game, so ill probably rb this as i get further in. for reference, ive just gotten the lightship and directions to go to the four remaining rogress.

1. adele, strangely enough. in this point of the game, shes gone full blown yandere. and theres several points that have indicated that she is NOT doing well inside. particularly in a skit in the gula temple, alf talked about how shes been bottling up so much stuff and eventually it just exploded. and he lamented that he knew but didnt do anything about it. shes gone through so much shit and shes come out the other side an absolutely deplorable person. but i fucking love her as a character.

2. this might be a little obvious from my answer to #1, but alf, easily. theres just something special about younger brother prince trauma idk. that scene after the party gets arrested in diamant hit my fucking soul. weiss gloating over how he should just have the party executed while alf, separated from the group and surrounded by the guards that are supposed to protect him too BEGS his brother to let the others go. that scene just. AUGH also the way he blames himself for literally everything. even things he literally had zero way of causing. i am CERTAIN that him trying to fulfill his role as a child of eesa has a lot to do with his self imposed guilt. but its not even self imposed!! nobody just starts blaming themselves for everything for no reason. and we ALREADY know that weiss is an absolute dick bucket. he is for sure the cause of alfs current mental state. anyway i love me a good old fashioned pathetic man. i dont really like how hes been getting more and more incel coded as the games gone on tho. if that keeps up im stealing him and making him my oc and fixing his writing. whats imageepoch gonna do? they went bankrupt in 2015. eat my ass.

3. alf. next question.

4. l’arc. idk what the writers were doing but his ass is NOT a compelling character. hes an absolute dick to everyone. alf was keeping him in line for the first like 20 hours but now alf’s fucked off so we have to suffer through l’arcs existance unfiltered and hes fucking insufferable. the only good thing ive seen from him is that hes honest about how hes only doing the things hes doing for the money. but even then like COME ON. his employer is out here bombing cities and his ass is over there berating alf for being a “traitor” like dawg. be so fucking for real. the person alf is betraying is a fucking terrorist in charge of one of the most fucked up police states ive seen in a piece of media. also l’arc cant figure out whose fucking side hes on. which WOULD be compelling character wise if he wasnt trying to be wholly loyal to both weiss AND rifya and the whole imaginal thing WHILE ALSO constantly saying he doesnt give a shit. like i swear to god the word ive heard him sy most frequently is “whatever”. this is a bit of a hot take but i think the game shouldve been told from alfs perspecive. because alf is a compelling character and l’arc is a fucking bitch.

5. that one kopin in the race betting game at the casino whose tagline is “PASS ME AND I EAT YOU.” woody is his name. i fucking love woody. it also helps that hes one of the most profitable kopin to bet on.

6. oh god thats a hard one. ive mentioned the scene where the party is arrested in diamant. thats deffo up there. another REALLY banger scene is the scene at the top of the tower in antrax where the party splits up. also special shout out to that skit where alf reminisces with adele about hiking up a hill and eating sandwiches. bro dropped the fuckin “that might be my favorite memory of my whole life” line. and then had the audacity to say “nvm” when adele asked him to repeat himself. motherfucker how sad is your life that thats the happiest memory you can think of. i love you. im giving you forehead kisses you precious boy. OH AND I ALMOST FORGOT the scene in the church where we find out about the human experiments turing ppl into felldragons and then a few scenes later (or before? i dont remember) we find out serge is leon. fucking hell yeah bro.

7. i just downloaded the whole soundtrack the other day and literally every song is a banger. i havent listened to all of them for fear of spoilers, but the two themes for antrax took my heart out into the back alleys and shot it 20 times. i hope we get to rebuild antrax but im not gonna keep my hopes up. also the moon inn theme has a special place in my heart. i booted up the game for the first time in years and the first time i got to a moon inn i had to take a second and cry for a bit.

8. oh GOD. ignacy. hes such a fucking greasebag. i hate him so much but also AUGH. good character. terrible fucking person. i want to punch the shit out of his awful fucking face.

9. l’arc/alf. l’arc needs someone to reign his ass in and alf needs to feel like hes helping someone. it wouldnt be a HEALTHY relationship. at least not in the beginning. but i think if anyone could do it, they could.

10. serge & leslie. for being the “flirts” of the group they both give me such huge aroace vibes. i know theyre both in the party at the end of the game, so i know ill get more interactions between them and that makes me SO excited. theyre basically the parents of this goofy ass found family and i love it.

11. i dont know. i havent really interacted with the fandom at all. if two or three people can even be described as a “fandom”. most of the other ships i havent mentioned that exist are either straight up illegal or i just dont think theyd get together at all ever. im not shipping cecille with anyone cuz shes a fucking child. i REALLY dont think rastan is looking for a partner judging based on the line he said in the scripted loss ignacy fight about ignacy “paying for the death of his wife and child”. so i guess he had a wife and a kid and hes FOR SURE grieving that shit real hard. i dont really see ryfia getting with anyone. idk shes just super fucking sheltered and it would take a LOT before shed be in a position where she could actually give informed consent to anything. i cant think of a single reason for niko to get with anyone. especially considering the fact that the whole party is just constantly bullying him for no reason. and i cant think of any side characters that i would ship with anyone. although dynos and alf would go kinda hard if dynos would stop being a dick to alf. idk i guess i just dont have a least favorite ship.

12. rufunga. pretty big boobie lady. yes yes. i didnt get her tho unfortunately. alfs crew steamrolled me and i dont feel like grinding to beat that. especially cuz i know i fight alf and get all his rogress later. pretty water lady ill come get you eventually!!

13. neither? idk if thats even an option. but theyre kinda both lying to their respecive children of eesa. alf mentioned something about imaginal being an eletist prick and theres no way any child of eesa would choose real if the entire fine print was just “world go boom. new world time”. speaking of, people gotta learn informed consent in this fucking game. stop making contracts with gods when you dont know EXACTLY what youre getting into you stupid motherfuckers.

14. well THATS fucking ominous. not many have died yet. just zamuel and selena really. unless you count the untold innocents in antrax and benetnash. i already know niko dies later. thats a dumb fucking decision writing wise. the whole party has been bullying this kid since we fucking met him. and he sacrifices himself for them??? WHY????? in the gula temple he literally opens up to rastan and serge about feeling suicidal and nobody does anything about it. granted hes not SUPER clear with it. but what the fuck else is that supposed to look like. and rastan and serge just immediately blow him off just like everyone else does. fucking give this kid a break bro.

15. ive already listed a bunch of things i wish didnt happen earlier in the list, and therell probably be more listed later.

16. i havent really gotten much in that regard. but so far, both serge and rastan. the more i learn about them, the more i want to hold them in the palm of my hand and squish them. finding out serge was leon was fucking nuts, and rastans ass sitting there going “I FUCKING TOLD YOU PEOPLE SO” was hysterical. also i found out in a skit that rastans favorite flower is a lupine and WOAH those are so pretty.

like LOOK AT THEM THEYRE BEAUTIFUL. anyway. i am holding serge and rastan gently.

17. uhhh pretty much any of them would be cool as shit. NOT WEISS THO. OR IGNACY. THE WORLD DOESNT NEED MORE PSYCHOPATHIC SADISTIC BASTARDS

18. i was looking through the monster index a bit ago and this motherfucker stood out to me. i get that hes wearing little goggles but what is HAPPENING on the lower half of his face??? are those TEETH????? i think theyre teeth

also shout out to this silly little frog variant with a santa hat from around opalus. i love this stupid guy

also fuck his idle animation. motherfucker hops around and its IMPOSSIBLE to get a clean photo of his ass.

19. every single fight that begins with an enpty area and a dramatic angel choir before they jump in and start beating the shit out of you. those are fucking sick and they scare the fuck out of me EVERY time. also weiss. i fucking love the reveal of his wing arm thing. though, if it’s related to the felldragon experiments near ebur, i feel like he shouldve had some of the hozone crystal things in there somewhere. idk i just think those crystals are SO cool. theyre terrifying but also cool.

20. im guessing this is asking “whats your favorite animal outfit the party can wear”. the answer is rastan. motherfucker’s bear costume is so gigantic you cant even see the head. hes like 7 feet tall if you measure to the top of the bears head its RIDICULOUS.

21. im gonna go individual characters. and only the outfits i have so far. for l’arc its “meridian boy”. it makes me think about how he couldve had a normal life. a lot of things wouldve had to change, but its neat to think about. ryfia’s is “the artist”. she looks so cutie patootie in it. and the hat is adorable on her. rastan’s is the bear costume obviously. goofy ass motherfucker. for cecille its gotta be “frilly bikini”. she has a fucking neon green water pistol. have they even invented plastic yet?????? im not gonna question it. niko’s has to be his version of the “pilgrim’s robes”. that outfit is NOT hiding his imperial army uniform. what a silly little guy. serge’s original outfit is peak but his “pilgrim’s robes” compliment his hair so nicely. i dont remember if alf had any outfits. i think he had a swimsuit? seeing him shirtless was a little silly. hes so fucking pale lmao. adele got a cute little school dress and a swimsuit if i recall. the dress was cute. but her diva fit goes SO HARD. its INCREDIBLY impractical. but i love it anyway. and leslie isnt in my party officially yet but i know she will be in the end, and i have outfits for her. i havent seen it on her ingame, but i saw her shrine maiden dress online and its SO cute i love it. shes so mommy. but in a “shes definitely ace but makes sex jokes to fuck with people” way. thats canon btw. the second part at the very least. i dont think any of these characters have canon sexualities. OMG EXCEPT WAIT. SERGE. hes been flirting with everyone regardless of gender. my personal hc is that hes demisexual like me becaus thatd be sick.

22. oh thats easy. alf talking about adele’s mental state. i took photos of it.

i am holding alf so very gently

23. at the moment? the gun named “bugkiller”. its literally just bug spray with a gun trigger.

24. alf minus the incel bullshit. i fucking love my traumatized boy. and i relate a little too hard to the way he blames himself for other peoples actions

25. first step: cry for a bit about the state of the world. second step: realize its pretty much the same as the real world. third step: make a BEELINE for the new moon inn and live there forever.

26. i want l’arc to shut the fuck up for two seconds. or for a gay kiss. either between alf and l’arc or if rastan had a coming to gay jesus moment and kissed serge. thatd be awesome.

27. uhhhh idk i dont really associate any songs with the game other than the soundtrack for it. i booted it up for the first time in years and started a new file cuz i dont remember SHIT about what happens (i was up to the gula temple) and every single song that has played has made me put down my controller for a second and have a little bit of a cry. the moon inn and topazion/jada in particular hit me hard.

28. my mother bought a copy back when it first came out and she beat it. then one day i was rooting around the games cabinet trying to find something to play, and pulled it out. mom said i could play it (why i would need permission to play a fucking video game that we already own is beyond me but this post isnt about my abusive mother). i remember opening up her save at one point (the one she made VERY CLEAR that i was Not Allowed to Save Over or God Help Me) and she was in the final dungeon. i wandered around in there for a bit but had no idea how later aspects of the combat worked. i also DONT remember what the final dungeon looked like. i think it was purplish and greenish and in the middle of the map where the giant pocket of ocean is. thats all i got idk lol

29. rastan. theres a spot open for a parental figure in my life and i know my dad isnt opposed to kissing boys. i just know rastans a good dad. hes a little suicidal but hey everyone else in my family has dealt with ideation (myself included) so who cares.

30. i havent played the luminous arc stuff before so i cant say much about the series. but THIS game is so fucking good. the only bad thing is the english voice acting, but its so bad that its wrapped back around to being funny. but literally everything else is fucking great. the artstyle, the characters, the fucking story, the game mechanics. GOD. yummy game.

Welcome to the 30 Day Arc Rise Fantasia Challenge!

Favorite Female Character

Favorite Male Character

Favorite Character Overall

Least Favorite Character

Favorite Minor Character

Favorite Scene (party chats count as well)

Favorite Song

Favorite Villain

Favorite Romantic Ship

Favorite Platonic Ship

Least Favorite Ship

Favorite Rogress

Imaginal or Real?

A character you wish wasn’t dead

Something you wish didn’t happen

Favorite character backstory

A character you wish was real

Favorite monster

Favorite boss (side ones included)

Fursuits

Favorite alternative outfit (for one or any character or all)

Favorite quote

Favorite weapon

A character you find most relatable

What would you do if you suddenly found yourself in the world of ARF?

Something you wished happened but never did

A song that reminds you of the series

How did you find out about ARF?

What character would you want to be your best friend?

Why do you like/love this series?

[3liza]

talking about flters and real beauty vs fake beauty and cultural standards etc always makes me think about all the victorian and edwardian novels i read, where the things that people thought about beauty were recorded at length. recently ive been reading a lot of Thomas Hardy (best known for Tess of the D’Urbervilles and Jude the Obscure) and there’s so much discussion of the beauty of people, particularly love interests, both men and women. and these writers, and their eras, and the culture of the eras, was of course obsessed with beauty and youth and also artificial beauty (being the eras of the really transformative corsets, not to mention some of the earliest industrialized or modernized beauty products or processes), as all human societies are to a greater or lesser extent in their own ways, but the thing that sticks out to me in reading these books is how beauty is not the singular or even the most important aspect of a person’s overall attraction. if someone has a beautiful face or figure, it is mentioned, but never to the obsessive, fixated extent that physical beauty is isolated from and elevated over all other features in modern american/western culture. there are plenty of protagonists or love interests in these books who are described as not young, or not remarkable, or not pretty, or even ugly or frightening, but nevertheless compellingly sexy and attractive, or simply interesting, or worthy in some way. 

its weird that the cultural consciousness has become seemingly ignorant of non-physical attraction. like that anon that was in my inbox talking about how they were “normal looking’ and therefore “needed” filters in order to “compete” with attractive people. it’s a weirdly mercenary and capitalist view of the social economy, first of all, which absolutely is not zero-sum no matter how badly the social networks want to convince us that it is. but there was never a single mention from that person about their ability to charm or entertain or attract using anything except a fake photo of themselves. wild. im fuckin worried about them! im worried about every young person how has brain worms

when i was about 4 and starting to become aware of how much adults were obsessed with my appearance because i was dainty and blonde and could do a passable shirley temple imitation, my parents gave me a very serious lecture about what physical beauty actually meant: i didn’t work for it (yet, i mean i do a lot of work now as an adult), it was given to me genetically. and someday, maybe sooner or more suddenly than anyone could predict, it would be gone. if accident, illness, or hardship didnt get me, old age eventually would. so with that being a certainty, i had better build a life and a personality on something other than my looks. and i said, ok. every day i get older im more grateful for that advice and the fact i decided to take it to heart instead of trying to gamble on Being Hot for long enough to get job security. which is also a valid career choice but it’s a risky one. always better to have a fallback just in case.

im of an age rn where a lot of women in my peer group are starting to get a very hunted vibe about the impending end of their youth, which is valid. theres nothing foolish about it, its not their fault, theyre not stupid or somehow lacking because this is an issue in their lives. but im noticing that i am significantly less freaked out by, idk, how long ago the 90s were or whatever, because i have been expecting to get old since i was in kindergarten. and i had adults around me who were just like “hey this is what old people look like and what bodies do over time. its not a big deal. everything on tv is fake btw”. i didnt get out unscathed, ive had eating disorders and all sort of weird brain-body problems. 

my advice i guess if i have any is to go outside and really look around you. notice how almost every single woman, and most men, has at least some cellulite, even if its just when theyre sitting down or whatever. notice how everyone has blemishes and zits. most people have some dandruff. if someone is wearing makeup, it’ll be cakey or balled up or smeared or uneven or clumpy even if it’s just a bit. everyone over the age of about 20 will have stretch marks somewhere, even if they aren’t visible except in certain light. i was under the impression i didnt have many until one time seeing a picture of my butt in FULL natural light and finally saw the entire surface of both cheeks was covered in straitions, they just were hard to see most of the time because im the color of drywall and scars tend to be light. it’s really easy to spot hair extensions and wigs and fake nails and fake tans and shapewear once you figure out how to see it. and none of these things take away from someone’s character. 

there’s a strong argument to be made that when corsetry was the norm, no woman was expected to simply be the shape of the corset unless she was actually wearing it. photographs and drawings of women in the 19th and early 20th century were retouched a bit as all photos have been, yes, but they were not retouched to make naked women appear to be corset-shaped. THAT is new. people are now getting surgery to be corset-shaped. and like, i dont think anyone should not be able to look however they want if they want to have that surgery. that is one meaning of cyborg feminism, probably. what i dont want, is for anyone to ever think that’s a normal way to look (except for veryvery tiny mathematical outliers, the Barbie Hips Georg of instagram) WITHOUT surgery or shapewear. which i see a lot now. i saw an instagram fashion designer with a very obviously surgically-altered body answer a question in her inbox about how she maintained her figure with some nonsense about diet and exercise. so now some (probably young) person out there is thinking that if they just do intermittent fasting enough, theyll look like a woman with butt and boob implants, a BBL, fillers, etc. that person probably thinks that if they arent able to diet and exercise good enough, they will fail at looking that way through their own laziness and lack of work ethic or whatever. i see that mindset constantly, especially in young women.

the surgery isnt the issue. the look itself isnt the issue. the filters themselves arent the issue. the issue is that on none of these images, is there an indication of what has been changed or how. the brain damage effect of filters would be lessened, i think, if everyone KNEW which images had been altered and how. so maybe thats the answer? mandatory labeling? i dont know. what’s terrifying is that the average adult human in america cant tell from a glance what has been altered in a photograph, no matter how clumsily, because they simply dont have a template for what a real human looks like anymore. the false images have supplanted the real images, the actual memories of alive humans that you know and have met or lived with. 

if you go into any of the shittier men’s spaces online you will find threads for posting pictures of “beautiful girls”, and it is page after page after page of teenagers in full makeup, hair extensions or wigs, circle lenses, facetuned, bodytuned, surgery, etc, and then hundreds of men yearning and fanning themselves over her “natural beauty”. dont go looking for this stuff, it will permanently fuck you up to know what a basic guy on the bus is thinking about women every day. dont do it

but i also seriously predict a backlash into “natural” looks after this current madness, similarly to how the 1960s saw the rise of the hippie girl with swingin titties, pit hair and no high heels after the consumer beauty madness of the 50s. of course the 60s beauty ideals were in some ways just as fake, but there was some authentic yearning towards a freedom from capitalist bodies as well. so when that happens send me $20: paypal.me/3liza. should be in like the next 4 years or so. thanks

[bunnywan]

are you into age play at all? obv totally ok if not, i just have the idea of padawan/knight anakin getting injured after a mission and morally dubious obi-wan babying him bc clearly anakin can’t taken care of himself - and ofc anakin is humiliated but also very much into it

i actually have some nuanced thoughts on this, not just horny ones (surprise!) so apologies in advance if you wanted something completely nasty.

so, in my head, my version of obikin: deep down (maybe not as deep as either of them would like to admit), there's a part of anakin that wants to be taken care of by obi-wan. and there's a part of obi-wan that longs to take care of anakin. maybe because it was obi-wan's job for a decade. maybe it's because anakin is the poster boy for parental figure issues. maybe it's just because they really love each other. whatever it is, it's there. but of course anakin doesn't know how to ask for anything from obi-wan, and obi-wan is always trying to respect anakin's obvious desire to be his own man. from here, i think about an au setting in which palpatine is Fuckin Dead and our boys get to be together. in that scenario, i can see the slow blossoming of a relationship that has dynamics similar to age play.

in my fic, baptisms, baby, i mention obi-wan taking care of anakin; cutting his food for him, helping him dress, etc etc. so, there are some elements that i do enjoy, and find comfort in. for me personally, im currently not on my meds and its lead to some behaviors im not too happy with (not eating, can't get out of bed, the works) so there is definitely a part of me that resonates with wanting someone to take care of you and help you (esp obi-wan. it is known he is my love). i think it's less about the actual act of age play, and more about the headspace for me? i'm not necessarily into wanting to feel like a child, but the feeling of not having to worry about anything cus someone else loves you enough to take care of you is very appealing. idk if that makes sense. hopefully it does.

from a purely horny standpoint: i've mentioned obi-wan being anakin's brother/father figure several times in my fics. i like my boys nasty, and the taboo is fun to play with. i really love the dynamic where they not only acknowledge these parts of their relationship, but embrace them. giving them the range of obi-wan spanking anakin in a non sexual way cus he talked back, to anakin getting railed and calling obi-wan daddy. there's a lot to work with there. and i have zero doubts ill continue to explore this dynamic so !! keep the suggestions coming.

now, about your suggestion: morally dubious obi-wan babying anakin, slowly sinking him into a headspace,,, oh yeah. it's embarrassing, and anakin kinda wants to die, but the way obi-wan is talking, treating him, it makes him feel so... small. loved. also, horny. it's confusing, and he almost wants to cry. but his master is giving him exactly what anakin dreams about right? ughhhhh this is good.

bonus: GayCheerios on ao3 has a plethora of age play fics ! give em a read. they help me w my anxiety sometimes. <3

[jrueships]

LIBRA

LIBRA!!!! i LOVE libra! But i also hate libra cus i love libras. It's not the libras fault tho! Like IDK... i hate the general PERCEPTION of a libra? Cus it can do more harm than good..? Which sucks cus i hate when bad stuff happens to a libra, cus i love libras. HMM.. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS

SO LIKE. Libras and cancers fall into the 'cinnamon roll' category of zodiacs, n i fuckin HATE that trope n hate that people get put into it. Cus it's lowkey demeaning, weird, and undervaluing. N i hate undervaluing. CUS LIKE! YEAH! LIBRAS ARE GREAT LISTENERS, THEYRE DIPLOMATIC, THEY LOVE BALANCE. THEYRE GOOD PEOPLE! but like! They're still PEOPLE! Others need to realize that! THEY ARE NOT FUCKIN THERAPISTS! ALL THE FUCKIN TIME! idk tho, maybe im just adversed to it because i don't go to therapy cus im just uncomfy putting everything on a person thats not . Funny? Even if they're paid to have that? BUT LIKE ! YKNOW! Theyre not your PRECIOUS BEANS or whatever. They can be fuckin manipulative! But still do it out of the goodness of their hearts! Like a person can be that ! No one is perfect, tho, yknow, it's easy to think that when IM here all the time... naw im kidding tho, no one is perfect (as hard as it may seem to BELIEVE with ME 😊).

I love libra traits, but with every zodiac, you can also hate those traits. Cus they can become too much or turn sour. It comes off as a surprise because they SEEM so fun or good, but that's just a possibility n people gotta learn to understand that! Some people get that shock once and will forever hate that person for it, or others will never get it because they keep a person in a box. Or keep seeing that IN that box.

Like the whole 'libras can NEVER make a decision' that is SO . Flanderized. Because YEAH ive SEEN that with them, TRUST me. I made friends with a lot of libras (n it's funny cus ive ALWAYS started the relationship WITH them. Then later found out they were all libras. It's weird! I love them tho!), n when they can't make a decision. Bruh it's TERRIBLE. I had like 10 libras worrying to me about their college decision comparisons, even after making all these intricate graphs n charts n plans, they were STILL struggling. N WHATEVER YOU TRIED TO CONSOLE THEM WITH, THEY JUST SAW THE OTHER SIDE TO. that's how they ARE n i HATE that but they need that! I hated it cus my pride was starting to get in the way with all my ideas getting warped around or shot down like i was stupid, but a libra isn't TRYING to MAKE that happen! They just NEED to see two sides! It helps em figure shit out or get lost in a deeper rabbits hole to pop back out again. N i tell em like ! They're a person who'll ask for advice when venting or want an opinion then lowkey argue with you on that opinion. But still WANT it. N they agreed, that's just how they figure stuff out!

I try helpin em best i can with that, but sometimes i realized keeping the conversation would just make me unreasonably more angry, so i let them chat it off with like a cancer or something. They're great together, along with a cancer Taurus pair? I also love cancers, but those too I gotta take a step back with so Noone ends up getting their feelings hurt.

so I like libras but people gotta understand, they wont ALWAYS. N sometimes they don't so they keep pushin n pushin n that's bad! Libras can get feelings hurt when it comes to personal stuff, even lil jokes sometimes! They can ALSO be fixed on things! People tend to think they're ALWAYS indecisive, but when they think things, they THINK things. Literally all my libra friends send me political tiktoks. It's hilarious cus they'll send me a super important subject n ill heart it then send them a video of some kid hitting his head on a picnic table. They also send some funny videos, n they have similar humors where they love funny things being said or funny images ig? Like fingers pretending to poledance. The only way i can describe it is kinda cheesy humor vs my more random humor, but both are enjoyable! We bounce off well! BUT YEA so people will just tell them ANYTHING and expect them ALWAYS to want to be 3rd person, but that's not always the case! They can have a fixed opinion too, n it's a good one cus they weighed all other options but CHOSE that one. When a libra finally chooses smthin, it's usually really educated and good (like u choosing to be in the nba tumblrinas, the BEST tumblrinas. Obvs) (joking)

ALSO because they're seen as mediators, they're seen as 'pure'.. but they rlly aren't lol. If i had a nickel for everytime i met a libra, we talked a lil bit, we exchanged numbers, N THEN THEY JUST SENT ME A SCREENSHOT OF THEIR BDSM TEST RESULTS. I'D HAVE A BANK. they're! Idk! Spicy ig LMAO? At least spicier than you'd think n they really revel in it. They love feeling not boring similar to an aquarius n can also get caught up into 'im different' NOT to flex but to feel like a PERSON. When really their big difference is that they thought the minions movie was actually funny. Cancers also love to be all 'oohoohoo i can be dirty woo' but their reveals are way more basic lmao like. They're pillow princesses or whatever lol. ALSO all the libras who sent me a screenshot were switches and exhibitionists ?? That's pretty libra to me lmao??

Libras also are some of the most friendly people EVER. They can smalltalk to anyone without being bored, they love talking about themselves AND asking about others. They're unreal to me in that way. I always appreciate a libra's social ability n lowkey let them do the talking for me cus im actually a pretty quiet person as long as im not with friends. (When im with friends i can be insufferable tho so it's a lose lose). BUT!!! it's like no matter how CLOSE you are with a libra or how many people LIKE them... they will struggle to feel LOVED. They could go to a party and have everyone in that party greet them with the happiest smiles, and STILL go home thinking no one really knows them or loves them. They NEED love. They need a partner or just someone close. They need a pet cat they really love or an s/o to feel balanced. Which doesn't always gel with me who's good with solitude!

They can also be super flirty n jealous, pretty basic info tho! But they're like! Funny with their jealousy. A jealous or disagreed libra can be lowkey manipulative but mean it what they think is well! Like im just trying to get you out of a bad option without directly SAYING it's a bad option jealous. I had a libra BFF who liked me (ive had lots of libras whove had crushes on me but rarely did we become a thing thing cus i didnt wanna end up ruining a friendship with a person i valued so much over something stupid like a breakup. It wasnt cus we were both guys cus ive had n have a bf. Just in the closet to keep me safe from family. Im very masculine ive been told and seem like a 'normie???' But once people get to know me they say im like a butch lesbian?? Idk man! Ask the libras, they call me that!), n whenever i would make a simple comment on how i thought xx was pretty or cute, he'd lowkey be like 'you just like xx cus you like objects' N IT WAS LIKE? DAMN BRO YOU REALLY THINK ME LIKE THAT? im just complimentin ppl n i didn't do it n like a 'WOW her boobs are HUGE' just in a 'i like her hair she's pretty', but it still got him upset! I understood it tho, libras can easily feel inadequate, so i didn't do that infront of him no more. Like, a libra HATES hates HATES introducing their older friend to a newer friend and having them end up pushing the libra out the circle because THEY became closer. They hate feeling inadequate or too boring or too much of anything. IDK! they're not as perfect as people like to think them as, n! Homie needs a therapist lol, in the most respectful intent. Those signs just would really thrive from having someone who they can talk to without worrying abt being seen or taken wrong

[icharchivist]

cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

[spinyax]

fusion au part 2: electric boogaloo (part 1 here)

featuring Man O' War and fusion origin stores (under the cut bc i get Wordy lmao)

Man O’ War -

Chip/Jay/Gill

They/Them

Surprisingly stable for a 3 person fusion

Bioluminescent (the tops of their coral/antler crown, the tops of their fingers, plus some designs on their wing/fin(???) membrane i have yet to make

VERY fast swimmer, the arm wings/fins help

real big, they cant be formed on the boat

unless they're formed bc of an emergency they'll just kinda sit and enjoy existing

they don't really talk (they're never in a situation where they really need to tbf) but if they did they’d have a funky voice overlap

their name is based off the portuguese man o' war (animal), which aren't one animal! it's a colony of multiple little animals and i feel it really fit for a fusion. also the man o war (ship) was probably the last thing you'd ever want to see (and ever would see) as a pirate

---

some fusion origin stories bc i got some words in my head i need to get out

Osprey

first formed before they met gill, probably the night before they left jay’s island

Jay snuck out at night to the beach to hang out with this random bastard that’s been hanging around the tavern bc he seems lonely and she feels weirdly drawn to him

Idk how it comes up, but chip tries and fails to mimic jay’s dance she does at the tavern, and she tries to correct him, dancing with him

They accidentally fuse and turn into Osprey, who’s very confused

They stand up on shaky legs and hobble over to the water to get a good look at themself, meanwhile internally jay is freaking out

They get a look at their face and audibly say “damn im fine as hell” before immediately unfusing

Jay freaks the fuck out and runs away, leaving chip in the sand with a lot more emotions that he’s used to dealing with

The next night, chip comes back to the tavern and before jay can tell him to fuck off he tells her he saw some of her memories about drey and that’s he’s looking for him as well, along with the rest of the blackrose pirates

They run off that night

I have an idea for how osprey meets gill but i don't have the Strength to write it out rn

Thresher

Post episode 16: chip/gill fought and made up, but things are a little shaky between them

Gillion approached jay one night and asks about fusion, since he saw chip/jay fuse a few weeks ago (scenario i haven't written out yet) and he was curious about it

I don't know if i want to make fusion a Surface thing or just an unspoken/taboo topic in the Undersea but gill doesn't know much about it for that reason

He says he’d ask chip but he’s still unsure if he can truly trust chip with cultural knowledge anymore

Jay internally sheeshes at that last part at tells him what she knows about fusion

Gillion asks if the two of them could fuse and jay says it’s unlikely (fusions are usually done between super close friends/lovers. Osprey is an outlier and should not be counted) but there’s no harm in trying

They dance

I imagine it’s kinda like medieval line dancing, all stiff and formal. Gill is taking it Super Seriously and jay’s trying not to laugh

Jay trips and gillion rushes to catch her, and they form Thresher

Cut to chip, who’s asleep but wakes up when a shadow looms over him and a clawed finger pokes his face, then he opens his eye and screams (think about him waking up to amanda) bc holy shit that’s a demon (they do be lookin kinda bad tho :fuckboy emoji:)

The hot demon doesn't move, and slowly chip feels like he recognizes it? Those fins look familiar and hey isn’t that jay’s pin- Oh Fuck that’s a fusion

He lets out a shaky “hi” and asks if they're a fusion. Thresher kinda tilts their head like a puppy then nods. He asks for their name and they let out a growly “Thresher” that does nothing to help his current state of fear (or arousal). He tells them to go on the deck and figure out more about themself, it’s not everyday you make a new fusion y’know. They nod and grumble something in a demon-sounding language (primordial but chip doesn't know that) and go back up deck

They unfuse later that day and ask chip what they thought of thresher. He says they were ok

Actual feelings: he was Afeared and Aroused and feeling Many emotions that he’s not ready to process just yet.

(Bastard) Moray

Ill be real im open to any/all ideas for moray’s origin story (and moray in general) bc i feel like i have the weakest grasp on his whole deal

Takes place during some fantasy arc that happens off-screen (yes im aware that the crew really haven't been together for long but i simply ignore canon sometimes)

They're raiding some island cave for treasure and good news: they found it and have it on them. Bad news: it triggered a trap and now they’re running for their lives from a cave-in

They’re about to make it out when jay rolls a 1 and trips just before the exit and gets covered in rubble (with one arm out for the Drama of it all)

Chip and gill freak out and try to dig her out with their bare hands with little success, and then freak out more

(WAIT A SECOND GALAXY BRAIN IDEA)

Chip gets an idea and grabs gill by the shoulders

Chip: fuse with me

Gill: what???

Then chip fuckin dips him back and kisses the fuck out of him

Both get nat 20’s (obviously) and fuse into Moray

Moray spends the first few moments of his existence excited bc wow!!!!! He’s alive!!!! but then realizes Oh Shit, Friend is Trapped

With terrifying strength he lifts the rubble with two arms and extracts jay with the other two. She’s bruised and unconscious, but breathing so Moray takes that as a win and heads back to the ship.

A few hours later jay wakes up and goes onto the deck to see Moray doing whatever the fuck moray would do and gets super confused

Moray sees jay and goes !!!!!!! :D and runs over and picks her up bc friend ok !!!!

jay's fuckin dying bc on one hand she's happy the two of them fused but on the other hand oh god he's a handful (and he's holding her up with one hand what the fuck)

the two of them spend the rest of the day figuring out what moray can do (stuff i havent thought out yet lmao)

[dropoutparty]

ngc ramblings part 2- chapters 3 and 4

time for post 2 babeyy!! i didnt try to really be funny in this one like i did the last one, so i hope u dont mind!! heres a link to the first post if u missed it! ill make a masterpost of all the parts once im done with all the chapters. now lets get into trance and dementia!! (that sounds. hilarious out of context)

here we are at trance! the name of this one is pretty clear, but ill still go into the definition for the sake of clarity. basically, a trance is a state of half consciousness and an absence of response to external stimuli, like what you might experience when under deep hypnosis. this is probably referencing the “episodes” that melissa would go into where she would jsut kinda stare off into the distance and not emote all that much. the music here is compared to the videodrome theme, which probably means theres a consistent high note in the background, with the main attraction of the song being garbled electronic noises, maybe with some more coherent synth coming in at some point. either way, it probably is meant to make you feel uneasy because as we all know, high pitched noises are spooky.

the new kaiju this time around is orga (a kaiju with some mutated godzilla dna in it). this makes zach realize that this game couldnt be just some unreleased version of the normal one (as if fuckin red appearing didnt already make that clear) so he now figures that its a rom hack of some kind that his friend just happened to find. im glad he didnt just immediately go to assuming it was haunted because thats SUCH a common thing in these creepypastas and its so dumb?? good job cosby... anyways the first level zach goes into is also the first quiz level, where we finally meet face!!! my beloved,, i dont really know how to approach the quiz levels tbh? because on one hand i wanna examine face as a character all at once but on the other hand i wanna talk about them as i go... for this post ill leave all the quiz stuff out, but i wanna know if yall would want them included in the future! ill just make a separate post for all the quiz levels if you dont :3. overall though, the first quiz level gives me the feeling that face is assessing who and what zach is, maybe throwing random stuff in to make it not seem suspicious or something?

anyways, zach finishes the quiz level and moves onto a green temple level. zach describes the music of these levels as hypnotic, which might relate to the planet name? the only enemies in this level are dead things, specifically a ghost thing and a bat with a horse skull head, who probably killed the things that became the ghosts. already this world is a little different than pathos because it has buildings in it!! specifically, this world is filled with green temple levels, which i think translates in-game universe to two large temples and three smaller ones (based on how the levels are kinda clumped together, with single ones kinda spread out). outside of the temples are the same empty blue mountain stages that pathos had, but now with not-moguera hangin around! i feel like this further proves my idea i talked about in the last post, where not-moguera and not-gezora killed all the life on the planet together, because as far as is said the blue mountains are still empty here except for not-moguera. theres also some cave stages from pathos here, but not as many.

moving on, after zach gets through some stages its time for the bosses! first up is not-varan, whos sprite looks like its an altered version of varans actual sprite from the original game, just like the other not-kaijus so far. i think this is a theme among all of the nots here so ill just say when they dont look made up of the originals parts from now on. not-varan fights by kicking and shooting heat-seeking missiles. its head is backwards, so it cant see whats in front of it. i get the feeling that the missiles are heat-seeking in order to kill anything coming towards it that it cant see and the kicks are more of a desperation thing, like oh god my missiles didnt kill something and now its hurting me, i need to get away or something like that. so i guess i would describe its fighting style as defensive? anyways, moving on. next zach fights not-hedorah, who is the source of the horse-bats. this is the first one that doesnt seem to be made up of an original monsters parts, but it does have the same color scheme so theres that. not-hedorahs fighting is a lot more aggressive, summoning horse-bats to keep you distracted while he goes to town on you. i think a second not-moguera was put here to help not-hedorah kill everything, because i don't think not-varan would be very useful when it comes to doing that lmao. so after zach beats not-hedorah, no more horse-bats spawn which is neat! after beating not-hedorah, zach tries to enter the base level without beating orga but it doesnt work so i wont dwell on it.

orga is just a normal godzilla monster, so there isnt as much to say about him. i do think that orga was an original resident of trance before the not-kaiju came around to kill everything, like biollante was on pathos. he fights by punching, shooting a heat beam, and eating other monsters! i think this last one, even tho its a normal part of the kaiju, is here to foreshadow reds preferred method of killing things that we see later (especially since orga also unhinges his jaw to eat things). anyways this fight makes zach geek out and think that the game must have been made by a fellow person of culture and godzilla fan!! which is funny for reasons ill get into later. he doesnt have much time for a fanboy moment tho bc he has to run the mile again with coach red!

this time around, the game is trying to trip zach up by including some obstacles to avoid while you run from red. red doesnt have any issue with them though, theyre not meant to keep him away from you, after all.  zach was freaked out but he still has his epic gamer skillz so he beat the level just fine. when he was done he yelled in gamer delight before red looked at him like “shut the hell up” and zach almost pissed himself. and thats trance!! before i move onto dementia tho, i wanna talk about trance itself because of course i do. i think this planet used to be home to a lot of creatures like pathos was, but this society was more developed and spirituality was very important to them, hence all of the temples. i dont think it was a very somber or strict society though, mainly im getting that from the temple music having an “indian techno vibe” to, it. so from what i gather, this society was very spiritual but also they liked to party. while im on the subject of the temples, i think that face is hiding out in either like a small side building or a hidden room inside of one of the big green temples. trance probably used to be his home, and when everything started getting killed i think he hid out somewhere he would be safe. i dont know about yall, but the quiz levels always gave me the impression that they were indoors for some reason? so that definitely contributes to the hiding in a temple idea but i think it still works if you dont feel the same. i think thats all i really have to say about trance, so lets move on to dementia!

ok as usual, were starting out with the planets name: dementia. you know what dementia is but again, for the sake of clarity its basically a disorder caused by brain injury or disease that causes memory loss, personality changes, and impaired reasoning. im not entirely sure why dementia specifically was chosen here, and my best guess for what it could mean is that maybe its foreshadowing melissas condition? it doesnt really resemble dementia at all but thats my best guess lmao. anyways, this chapter starts out with zach still freaking out about red looking at him and wondering whats up with the game before we get our board description this time around. its during this little beginning part that he decides that he has to finish the game just to see what the hell is even going on with it, which like. fair. ok so the boards music is described as basically a slow piano cover of the original games saturn theme.

as will be the routine from now on, zach starts with the quiz level. the questions face asks this time around seem like hes trying to get to know more about zach at this point, though theres still the usual unrelated questions mixed in (though theres only like 4 of them this time)! for the last question he asks, face must have figured out that zach is a human because he offers him a new monster! zach obviously says yes pogs irl when he sees that face gave him anguirus, his second favorite godzilla monster (whats his favorite godzilla monster? is it godzilla? he hasnt mentioned a favorite monster yet so why bring up your second favorite? idk) and one that hes wanted to play as since he was a child, which is interesting (im sure youre sick of hearing this by now but, more on that later). ok now onto the levels.

the first kind of level is a palette swap of the blue mountains from the last two worlds, but this time theres also water! the music is “a very simple song with a lot of abrupt pauses, followed by a loud note every few seconds” so take from that what you will. this level doesnt have any enemies in it, just like the last two, but this time it looks like zachs goin for a swim bc were goin underwater babeyy!! the enemies in the water consisted of a piranha (which zach likes because he can “tell what it is” talk about a buzzkill) and a spiky bottom feeder thing whatever taht means. and that's it for that level type. kinda boring but the other two level types make up for it. speaking of, lets go onto the next level type! these levels actually have an in-game name for them; unforgiving cold. these levels are very long, taking place in a castle dungeon made of blue bricks, with statues of terrified faces lining the walls. these levels made zach really anxious, and the longer he played them the more he felt like he was getting close to something “unspeakably evil” yea sure dude. its now that he starts to suspect something supernatural is going on, because he thinks the game can make the player feel things at will, which imean he isnt wrong? also the music in these levels is just a looping choir that sounded familiar to zach for some reason. there werent any enemies (which im realizing is a running theme in this thing huh) so were onto the first boss, not-baragon.

not-baragon is another one that isnt made up of its originals parts, but still has the same color scheme. he fights with a really strong kick, ice breath, and pissing on you with a gatling gun dick. yes im being serious. like??? i didnt remember taht being a thing but oh my god just look at this shit.

comedy gold. you even do extra damage to him if you attack the gun like??? anyways zach beats not-baragon and goes on to the last level type, the arctic. the level is literally just an icy tundra with some water segments, and the music is compared to northern hemispheres from donkey kong country but 8bit? and zach described it as “dangerous sounding” so theres that. the enemies here consist of a thing that zach says kinda looks like not-gezora but without the eye (i can kinda see it? maybe) thats frozen in ice, a spike ball with legs that explodes and shoots spikes everywhere when it dies, and the piranhas from the green mountains. the last two are only in the water segments, because yea theres water segments and theyve got platforming babeyy!! at the end of the level, theres a mini boss fight with maguma (a walrus kaiju), who runs away when you beat him. thats all the levels, so we can get on to the rest of the bosses!

the next boss is manda, a sea dragon kaiju. he fights by spitting fire, biting, and constricting (also he switches things up if somethings not working, so hes a pretty smart cookie). during the fight the atragon (which is like an airship from one of the movies i think?) shows up to help, which zach thought was epic and poggers even tho it didnt help at all. and thats the manda fight, moving on! the next fight is weird, because nothing is there for a little while before a fish shows up, screams, and then gets fuckin kilt by not-gigan. once again, it doesnt resemble the original but it uses the same color palette. it fought with a blood beam it shot from its mouth and a slash, and zach described it as fast and unrelenting, so definitely a really aggressive mike wazowski lookin motherfucker. after zach beats him, he goes on to the last boss of dementia, spacegodzilla (i guess the people who make the kaiju were going through a creative block or something lmao). spacegodzilla looks like normal godzilla but hes blue now and hes got ice!! why tf is he called spacegodzilla!!! anyways hes also more strategic with his fighting pattern, making ice crystal spires taht charges up his special meter and also keeps you from reaching him. when you do get close to him, you participate in a funney big dinosaur slap fight until u win, pog!! now on a completely different note, big reds comin to town (aw shit. here we go again)

this time around the chase is mostly underwater (tho its blood now bc ooo spooky,, sometimes i forget that this story is supposed to be scary tbh) so red has to put his floaties on before he can follow zach. theres also landmines over pits and red reveals his weird tentacle hand mouth tongue before zach finally gets away and the chase is over. reds startin to get frustrated bro, he's tried to catch this fucker like 3 times now wadda hell!!! btw these chase sections are a lot less crazy than i thought they were like. huh. ig its more intense when you listen to a reading lol. anyways now its time to talk about dementia as a planet. i think the whole “the not-kaijus are killing all the stuff on these planets for red” still holds true, and i feel like it will continue to do that, so ill just briefly mention it from now on. this planet is all ice and water basically though, so i think they had a harder time doing it this time, hence why the underwater sections have more enemies and the only original kaiju here can stay underwater for protection. also, i think face followed zach to dementia from trance because he realized what zach was doing and wanted to help out, which is why he gave zach anguirus.

basically i picture dementia to be a planet thats mostly water with some land thrown in, and an old dilapidated castle in the center. i think the castle itself was probably destroyed by the not-kaijus (along with anything alive that might have been in it). i cant decide if i think spacegodzilla or manda would have lived there, so ill just say they both lived there as gay lovers or somehting. as for the statue faces, theyve appeared on trance and dementia so far, and theyll continue to appear throughout the pasta. basically, i think these represent melissa and/or her presence. like in the green temples on trance, i think that alludes to how melissa is kind of an “angel” or divine being later in the game, and in the blue castle i think they could represent how melissa is (supposedly, more on that later) being held in the game so she can be tortured forever (which is why they look fuckin terrified). i think thats all i have to say about dementia.

before i end the post i wanted to say something abt the planets names. in the first post, i said i would talk about the planets names significance all at once but i. completely forgot that while writing this one, so ill just do them as i go from now on!! basically what i think the significance of pathos’ name is could be multiple things. it could be referencing the sad state of the planet itself, it could be foreshadowing that playing this game is going to be a painful experience for zach, or it could be talking about the incident with melissa, and how that was a really painful experience for zach (i wouldnt be surprised if it gave zach ptsd honestly). so thats the end of the post babeyy!! next up is entropy and extus!

[darth-does-stuff]

its ramble time. also yeah this is gonna be p long (hence the word - rambles) and prob talking a lot about patton and janus because i havent talked about them much and i have IDEAS

(also i know i want remy to be involved somehow but i havent figured out how yet. suggestions welcome ghjghjgs)

so thomas and logan are elves, roman remus and virgil are magic users (witches warlocks wizards whatever the word is lmao), remus specializes in wind magic, roman in fire, and virgil in weather. 

the magic virgil uses is often called chaos magic and in order for something to be generally classified as chaos magic, it needs to be unusual/rare, chaotic (duh) or unpredictable, and destructive. (these classifications might change as i think on them more). wind magic is largely argued upon whether it is chaos magic or not, seeing as how it is largely unpredictable and can be seen as destructive, but it doesnt fit the bill with the first one, leading to the arguments. same with fire magic, but they said it was too common for it to be chaos magic. virgil having weather magic means that he can create storms, sandstorms, generate lightning, windstorms, and also able to control (or rather ‘bend’) rain. of course, there are drawbacks and limitations, adding to the fact that virgil has a very hard time controlling his magic and harnessing it, he is not op dw. magic is also very much tied to emotions btw

also ro re and vee have two moms and they are a lesbian couple sorry i dont make the rules

elven lore and shit time - while gold is rare in many places in the fantasy land (i still have yet to decide on a name), in the elven land (i have not decided names for each section either lmao) iron and steel are actually harder to find than gold. gold still holds its own worth, but iron and steel are generally regarded as superior in worth than gold, which is why many nobles possess the material. and ive already explained the left eye crest thing with the elves, their left eye has a shape or crest to it along with a color that glows slightly. the glow can be dimmer or brighter depending on their emotions at the time. logan has a diamond shape to his left eye and a leaf green glow to it, which also happens to be his eye color as well. thomas’ is a heart and rainbow color and glow, while his actual eye color is an almond brown. ill discuss appearances in another post btw. anyways, the elven lifestyle is the most similar to humans, having a battleschool, its system nd shit, etc. although it does differ in terms of ‘rulers’. the humans have a monarchy while the elves rule through a council of 9. (an odd number so there arent any ties) logan uses both a sword and a bow as his weapons of choice. thomas was forced to go to battleschool so he basically just dips as soon as he can after teaching logan what he knows and becomes a healer because HEALER THOMAS 

PATTON AND JANUS TIME PATTON AND JANUS TIME PATTON AND JA

 patton is one of the merfolk, who (in this au) are a species that have two forms. their mer form, where the lower half of them is the mer tail fish tail what the fuck is it called. anyways the color of pattons tail (wtf is it dude) is a desaturated light blue. he has these like ??? spikes?? is that the word? jutting out from his forearms. (at the very least pointy things) and he will not hesitate to use them as weapons. yeah he’s a feral boy. he has some spots of scales on his upper body but they are pretty scarce. in his human form, he just looks like a human i dunno what you expected lmao. in the water his eyes are a really potent blue while on land they are much duller. he can also breathe underwater regardless of the form. patton also cant really will himself to either form, if he wants to be human form he has to be on land and vice versa for the mer form.

janus is a fucking uh,, dude idk the word for it. i guess the general word for it would be dragon but he’s more humanoid than dragon. a cross between the two ig. anyways he has scales on one side of his face, scaly wings because fuck yeah, horns jutting out from his forehead, and more shit that i have forgotten but i know he has it. the scales are a golden color, with warm yellows and light oranges mixed in. left eye has a dragon pupil type thing, like a slitted pupil. fuck i hate describing things ghdgakhgask. im playing around with the idea that dragons can shapeshift but nothing is set in stone with that tbh. most dragon folk are like janus, a mix between dragon and human, and only the really powerful ones are the ones that can actually turn into dragons so thats pretty rare. but fuck descriptions its time for fucking FRIENDSHIP and FAMILY

janus has a little brother whose name is emile and they are 6 and actually pretty shy. it took them a while to warm up to patton but now he literally loves pat and everytime he sees them he bolts over and just gives him a huge hug. patton tries to act all tough but he is so soft for emile there is no denying it and they all know it. jan and emile have an agender parent and a genderfluid parent. agender parent uses xe/xem btw. 

patton has a mother and never knew his father. he and his mother have a rather,,, distant relationship i suppose. his mother is in the royal guard so she is called away often (though it does not excuse the neglect in the slightest) her and pat just mutually acknowledge that they both exist and go about their day. one day pat confessed to jan that he never really felt that they were his mom, more just a person who birthed him. one time in a particular bout of drowsiness, patton confessed that janus and his family were the ones that he truly considered family. janus got choked up and was like ‘shut up you bastard im supposed to be tough /pos’ 

the first time janus showed him how he could get rid of the dragon aspects of himself for a limited time, patton literally took one look at his human form and shouted ‘what the FUCK’ and janus was like ‘IVE SEEN YOU CHANGE FORM BEFORE WHATS YOUR DEAL’ and patton just screams ‘THIS IS FUCKIN WEIRD’ (all /lh) janus and patton get up to so many shenanigans its a wonder they havent gotten caught yet lmao

patton, once again in sleep deprivation cause thats the only fuckin time he’ll confess anything about his emotions, told janus that he was his first friend and that he was so scared to mess it up when they first became friends. he’d spent most of his life alone and always in this state of just,,, perpetual anger, bubbling right underneath the surface with no way to escape. it led to him getting in a lot of fights and just lashing out, especially at people who tried to become his friend, scaring them away. when janus came along and stayed, he said it was the best thing that ever happened to him. he finally had a friend. even when he lashed out and retreated back into himself, putting up those walls again, janus still stayed. he helped break those walls down bit by bit, helped patton with his anger issues, helped patton realize that janus was here to stay, and that he wasnt leaving.

if you cant tell, i love them sm ghdgaskgjs

[phoebehalliwell]

in your alternate next gen headcanons/fics, you've got Penn and the other P's (Piper's daughters), Dency (Phoebe's daughter), and Sheridan and Warren (Prue's son's). have you ever written anything about Paige's kids in any of the alternate universes?

okay so if i'm cataloguing every next gen warren witch that lives in my brain by charmed one, there's:

prue: warren & sheridan, patricia, penelope, & phillipa

piper: wyatt, chris & melinda, penn & (penn's siblings??), (jack the piper/kyle kid???)

phoebe: pj, parker & peyton, dency, (cj??)

paige: tamora, kat & henry jr, (bennie??)

in which um bennie has actually made a couple guest appearances on this blog and is the paige/richard kid and is like. a fat vibe def mentally ill but like. au where richard still binds or strips his powers whatever also he really seems like a tai chi guy and paige and richard are endgame i guess lmaoo so bennie their kid is raise not my you know bonkers batshit insane powers because i stand by my theory that richard was dose with blood of a greater being as a child and that's why magic makes his react the way he does so that does pass on just a little bit to his child. i also once very briefly constructed an au w a paige kyle kid but in a kyle still died world so paige still ends up w henry and has a daughter kyle at some point as a whitelighter finds out he has a daughter bc the elders were really keepin that Top Secret but kyle's quasi-adjacent in his kid's life but idk like. what those kids would be up to. isabel and beatrice maybe? i think they were bel and bea? lemme see if i can find the pöst. nope. well ur just gonna hafta trust me on that ig. yeah i can't say i've thot much about them. i think if i were really to spin a paige progeny solo story i mean well a) henry jr spin off bc like. i think that could be fun. but i think i would want to create a circumstance really separate from the next gen something that warrants a whole ass like Own Story (e.g. warren and sheridan being raises by jack, dency being the source's heir + having the twice blessed, which changes like magical society as a whole) because if it's still like you know there's wcm at the top of the lil next gen pyramid i feel like the worlds all stay too similar and it gets my brain fuzzy. i could do a paige-never-finds-the-power-of-three-au, where she still has her witch powers and figures shit out on her own, but i really don't know what the 411 with her kids would be. i could also have the other parent be some other type of magical being, cupid, warlock, darklighter, etc, bc that fusion would be interesting. i think out of all of paige's love interests, by far my favorite option for a father just from like an interesting character perspective is richard, because like. he has a whole magical bloodline and also a family that is implied practices black magic on occasion. that kid would pack a punch. there's kyle (mortal) and kyle (whitelighter), but like. i feel like if i were to do that again i'd have to spin up some au otherwise it's just the same gen 2 universe but instead of tam and kat it's paigekyle kids. you know what actually You Know What Actually Could Be Fun in a paige-never-finds-the-power-of-three-au-but-is-still-a-witch um fuckin hello?? paige glen. paige glen world travelers witch free spirit those kids would be. those kids would be so weird man just life experience globetrotters especially seeing as they have some magical legacy (the charmed destiny) that the belland family has just someone manage to outrun by like. quite literally like outrunning it. never being in the same place long enough for anything to really happen. i'm feeling two kids here. hmm but with two kids idk if they'd stick together a whole bunch i think they'd be a lot more free not like attached at the hip so either i run two separate plots or i only focus on one. but that could be. interesting to say the least.. esp if something happened where um. where like the charmed ones were wiped out. idk how. maybe prue did bite it in all hell breaks loose. maybe Phoebe dies. in ahbl. they're down to the power of two with piper and prue. piper taps out leo clips his wings and piper binds her powers and they leave the manor. piper then realizes she's pregnant witchlighter baby??? or she just has a normal witch baby. maybe a couple. actually just two i think i need to cap it at two bc no power of three access in this au. omg leo dies in s8 like how he was fated to die..................... prue holds down the homefront at the manor. finds love eventually has kids eventually i could go really out in left field and say fuck it prue x angel of death kids. but that requires

attention on its own part. but i could. i might. hmmm. because piper post leo death hell maybe leo just gets killed by a darklighter in spite of being mortal just because a darklighter recognizes him. piper like. changes her identity and raises her kid separate from the manor and magic. kids. maybe. prue is like. ballz to the wall fuckin intense. i could just make up a guy i could do whitelighter andy i could do. justin?? was his name? there's bane and jack but bane's in jail and jack would die in about five minutes so. i think i'd make up a guy. but i think prue has kids again maybe just two. i mean i could all give them one. but. . do i really want only children here lbr also prue and piper were both raised w siblings i could reasonably seeing prue having only one kid if it was like.. too dangerous to have another kid or something but i think she really wanted to be Mom. so anyways prue's witch kids are trained rigorously from warren lore, piper's kids are raised mortal, and paige's kids are raised with training from paige, who's self taught. anyway.s prue gets murdered and the manor is taken over by dark magic. when prue's kids are. mmm early twenties great age to take on an adventure that you're not like. remotely equipped to handle yet. they know they need to take back the seat of power lest something terrible happens. like it has to be a halliwell right the halliwells have to take back their house. so the halliwells get the bennets (piper's kids) (surprise! you're a witch!) and then somehow Also discover the bellands (surprise! you have a long extensive family tree that fights evil magic!) and then idk we really get the ball rolling we get some plot goin. wallah.

[leavetwn]

* KAYLEE BRYANT, CISWOMAN + SHE/HER  | you know SUZIE TANAKA, right? they’re TWENTY-ONE, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, EIGHTEEN YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to VALENTINE BY HOPE TALA like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole ROLLERSKATES SCUFFED FROM YEARS OF USE, STARTING A JOURNAL ENTRY TWO YEARS SINCE THE LAST ONE, A SIGH OF RELIEF ONCE YOU'RE FINALLY ALONE thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is NOVEMBER 28TH, so they’re a SAGGITARIUS, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( claire, 22, est, she/her )

it’s me again ! bringing a character who i’ve played for a while now, just switched up & such for every rp, and now , i’m bringin her here. :^) i hope you enjoy her as much as i do! tw: mentions of mental illness (anxiety)

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 .

full name: suzie tanaka. nickname(s): su, anything your muse wants to call her tbh. age: twenty-one. date of birth: november 28th. zodiac sign: saggitarius. gender/pronouns: ciswoman, she/her. sexual orientation: bisexual. romantic orientation: biromantic. hometown: san francisco, californio. current residence: irving, north carolina. occupation: part time waitress at cutie pie’s thanks to her skills on skates. full time student at the local college in her junior year as a creative writing major. she minors in film pro eye color: brown. hair color/style: dark brown, upper-mid back length & she usually just wears it in a simple ponytail. it’s more manageable when she’s out. however, when she’s at home, she’ll leave it down. height : 5′3″. clothing style: you can’t really put suzie’s style into one category. it’s inspired by several different eras & many times she pieces it together. some might call it a bit tacky at times, but she thinks it looks cute. to her, that’s all that matters. tattoos: none. probably could never attempt to get one cause she’s seriously afraid of needles lol. piercings: her ears and that’s when she was fairly young. reference the tattoos portion for reasoning.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 .

when you were around six years old  , you first realized that you were lonely. it wasn’t like you weren’t around other people. it was just that those people were mostly your mom and dad. occasionally your cousins would come over sometimes, but they were all older than you by at least four years. your parents were kind of eccentric, and for that, they experienced how harsh other kids could be very early on. they decided they didn’t want you to experience the same things, so since both were felt they were prepared enough to do so, they homeschooled you to keep you sheltered from those types of things. 

you’re sure they had good intentions. that’s not something you questioned, but you wished they’d at least find another kid you could be friends with or have another kid. you found yourself bored by yourself, so you immersed yourself in things like books or whatever movies they had around the house. this is where your love of fairytales began, and you’d fantasize about living in one while you read or watched the stories unfold.

you lived in your head, and you still pretty much do. you’re an idealist, even though you haven’t seen much of the world. perhaps it’s the fact that you haven’t ventured very far from your home that makes you so, and while life could still be boring, you always had another book or movie to keep you company. you grew content being on your own, and the more that you were, the more you began to enjoy your own company.

that didn’t change the fact that you longed for friends. in all the stories you read or watched, the protagonist had one other person along with them for much of their journey. sure, you had people that you were friendly with, but it was never to the extent that you wanted. it was never a best friend or a close group  —  just someone you saw on few occasions. it also didn’t help how you felt when you were around others. the way you monitored every step you took, the way you crossed your legs, or going over the way you would speak to someone in your head over and over. you figured for the longest time it was because you were shy, but a diagnosis of anxiety gave you a lot more clarity and almost a sense of relief. those things started to make more sense.

being alone helped a lot when it came to academics. you spent a lot of your time studying or looking up random ass facts on the internet, and because of this, you’d call yourself fairly smart. you know your shit. it also helped a lot when getting into colleges. you didn’t aim too high though, not yet comfortable being all the way on your own. so, you chose the nearby university to attend. 

you move out. you’re excited, and your parents are nervous but prepared. they’re not oblivious to the fact that this day would come. you’re ready to go out and face the world, but most of all, you’re ready to make friends. you’re ready to go out and experience the world, every small step at a time. you’re convinced at college you’ll become a brand new person, find yourself, and make plenty of friends. 

it doesn’t go like that at first. of course it doesn’t. it’s a new environment, and it takes getting used to. but soon, people loosen up and warm up to you. you’re quick to make a couple of friends. it isn’t at all like the stories you’d read or watched when you were younger. it is happy and fun and joyous, but you realize that friendships take work. it’s a bit exhausting, as someone who had become such an introvert, but you manage and form close bonds. 

as of now, you are working on your degree and managing life one step at a time. you’re doing pretty well, and things are looking up. you keep your head in the clouds still to this day, imagining what the future will be like. you’re still idealistic and optimistic, not that that’s a bad thing.  

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 .

i was being exaggerative with the ‘being at home’ stuff rip. i mean, she did spend a lot of time at home, but she wasn’t always there. her dad would take her out to rockin’ and rollin’, and i mean, she fuckin rocks when it comes to skating. it was kind of freeing to her as a child. she def got a pair of rollerblades as a christmas present, and she probably was the kid skating down her neighborhood road and shit from sunrise until her mom told her to take her ass inside. 

maybe seems like she’s ditzy and she’s probably somewhat naive, but she’s definitely not stupid. she’s also a fast learner. she is, however, too nice for her own good. she’ll learn eventually, but she’s hopeful and an optimist at heart 💔

loves her dad but tells her mom everything. she doesn’t recognize it, but her mom was probably her first best friend lmaoo. they have a really good relationship. she has a good relationship with her dad too. he’s a bit more closed off than her mom, and she recognizes that but understands.

has an irrational fear that everyone’s like,,, staring at her & thinking she’s weird. really wants everyone to like her but she’s not sure how to make that happen (news flash, it won’t)

her fam is actually from san francisco but when she was 3, her dad got a better offer in irving so that’s how they ended up here. she knows this & she wonders what life woulda been like if she stayed back in san fran. probably wouldn’t have changed but she literally lives in her head and imagines shit like that’s her job at this point so yehhh 

dreams of being a screenwriter and maybe even a director one day. she saw how film and books influenced her life as a kid & she wants to have the same impact, yk? v cute to me i love that. maybe she’ll write a book one day too who knows

i’m feelin like she has a ton of online friends cause she was seeking connection /w people so it makes sense. shout out to all her online pals who kept her sane & shit, but it wasn’t enough for her cause she really wanted those kinds of things irl.

is a hopeless romantic rip to her. just wants someone to sweep her up off her feet and give her butterflies but this aint no damn fairytale so let’s make it chaotic

character parallels: lily (dash & lily, 2020) , amélie poulain (amélie, 2001) , belle in some ways lmao (beauty and the beast, 1991) more to be added.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 .

*  friends, best friends, etc.  — literally any friends at all. this is the connection she craves the most tbh. platonic over romantic periodt ! she just wants people to braid her hair and have deep, personal convos with about literally anything while legally blonde is on the television. 

* a bad influence  —  i mean, she stayed inside mostly & is kind of an introvert. didn’t have tons of friends either, so she didn’t really have time to go to parties, etc. BE A BAD INFLUENCE SHE NEEDS TO LET LOOSE LMAOO. it’ll prolly take a lot to get her out but hey 

* good influence  — someone she’s a good influence on & who she helps in some way. i could see it happenin’. if you see it happening, i mean... hmu you know where i am mwah 💖

* crush  — someone she’s head over heels with. i mean, it probably wouldn’t take a lot. in my head she be catching feelings way too fast. it’s just a thing, but yeah, it could go either way. maybe your character is into her too or she’ll end up getting her heart broken which is lmao bound to happen one day. could also be someone who’s crushing on her but she’s way to busy focusing all her romantic attention on someone else to notice? idk i’m just here for all the plots.

* annoyance  — someone who finds her ass annoying/does not like her. she wants everyone to like her so it would be so confusing and upsetting and she would be like wtf did i do but i want it cause i love angst. sorry to all my muses out there luv yall but i’m just bein real

* again, anything at all  — if you have an idea that you love, pls don’t hesitate to hmu and lemme know. i promise i will 99.9% of the time be down. the same goes for any wanted connection doodads that i reblog like if u see it and ur like omg i luv that... PLEASE hmu i luv u all already & just wanna have plots and write with you srsly