#idk. something just wasnt clicking
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Can we get an absolutely feral Tanya? True gremlin, raised by wolves? Just an absolute little monster
Today's Daily Degurechaff is… im not sure if this is quite what you wanted
#stargazeranswers#dailydegurechaff#ask#it became a big struggle to draw last night#idk. something just wasnt clicking
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DID ALEX JUST CURSE AT ME?? IS THAT ALLOWED????
#I CLICKED AWAY BEFORE IT REGISTERED BUT I THINK ALEX STARDEWVALLEY JUST SAID DAMN#its summer and i ran into him coming out of the beaqch and he said ''i smell a bbq... damn i could go for a burger''#or something idk i wasnt paying attention. it's alex.#but i don't think i've seen swearing in sdv before am i crazy???#dani.txt#stardew valley
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i was going to post about this but then forgot but anyway i feel like it really is the case that the reason neil and chris have been still going for over 40 years and haven't had a major falling out or break is because of the nature of how much they respect each other both on a personal level and also a working partnership level
#i think the moment it clicked for me as to why theyve been together for so long is how tom watkins tried to tell neil to go solo#because he was convinced chris didnt do or contribute anything because he thought chris was just neil's bf#which is like a Whole other thing#but neil was very firm on not going solo and ditching chris and standing up for him and pointing out all of the major stuff chris does#and that neil is very self-aware that he probably couldnt be successful on his own and that chris is an integral part of the group#that really comes across with how much he will flat out say something was chris' idea even when chris is embarrassed by it#the other thing is neither of them have ever had an ego. the only circumstances is maybe when chris would get upset not being filmed#w/ the tonight show debacle that was v clearly he was in the right to be upset they wouldnt film him as if he wasnt the other member#and then that stuart price quote where he talked about how he's seen them get into arguments and disagreements over stuff#but they work through it in a way that they clearly respect the other's opinion and dont take it personally#not to mention the multiple rough personal events theyve gone through throughout their career#looping back to the ego thing the other thing is they recognize that their knowledge complements the other#like neil having never considered a bassline before meeting chris and realizing how important it was#they both bring something to the table that the other can't or can't do well#ig long story short theyve succeeded in having a long career because of the level of mutual respect in their relationship#and that they know how to communicate and work through conflicts when they happen#and at the end of the day making music together is something they enjoy and get pleasure from whether they release the music or not#they even kind of mention it in the reel stories ep with neil making sure chris speaks his opinion in interviews#i really like that he's mindful of that and is conscious of not dominating the conversation and letting chris speak#its just nice to see idk psb wouldnt fully work if they didnt have such a strong relationship#also last i promise it helps that neither of them have kids or been married so no hiatuses because of family and stuff#i mean theyve both been in relationships and given idk too much detail it seems like they made it work out#i guess i mean with neil and his 90s relationships i should say#yeah ok thats my last point hamsndndns sorry thanks if u made it this far i have a lot of thoughts
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i finally sold my old tablet that i didnt use anymore and got 85€ for it so guess who has money to get armored core now. hehe
#yes yes i know what ive said about fromsoft games in the past but listen#i eventually settled into trying out sekiro and it was instant love it just clicked for me and i was honestly having the time of my life#until i got to ashina castle and my pc#that doesnt have working gpu drivers cause windows decided to install the generic ones over my good amd ones (i cant fix it ive tried)#just couldnt handle the new area or something idk#i started getting massive frame drops that made the game almost unplayable#and then the controller i use on my pc got a Lot of drift literally overnight#so yeah trying to do the genichiro fight with an average of 20 fps and stick drift wasnt fun at all#i did do the miniboss thats on the well from the start of the game and a few attemps on the seven spears guy#but at that point the drift was just too bad and i had tried a new fix for the drivers thing#and when i attempted genichiro again the game just crashed#so yeah#i Could play sekiro on the xbox but im not paying for a 4 year old game that got its price hiked#and runs at 900p and 30 fps on a new gen console cause the developers refuse to patch it <3#ill pirate again once i get a new pc sometime next year#Anyways all of this was to say i do sort of get fromsoft games now and ac looks fucking incredible#and it has a pause screen just like sekiro which is a must for me cause i enjoy being able to go pee without having to hide first
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when i hit 7th grade my brain hard-locked in alone>loneny and well it's funny bc i didn't consciously decided on that but i could see it like. physically and tangibly happen like in slowmo idk if you follow me.
#txt#like as if iwas seeing as an spectator being assigned something by my brain. like a pc loading screen of smth you clicked on accidentally#and well that is the magic of developmental milestones bc since pandemic happened in my 17-18 so obv i wasnt feeling all that well#so on the conscious level i was like well i shouldnt focus on being lonely bc i dont see it productive :/#and then just like at 12 i could feel my brain Physically internalize it like who asked you for that!!! 😭😭#and again i call it funny bc i too was VERY VERY shy as a kid and around the same jump from 6th to 7th grade i told myself#i was going to be more confident. and it happened. with the same 'ah.' feeling. and then it happened like. no mental preparation or#trial & error it Just Happened. granted it was still considerably shy in general standards but like. if it were so simple to change idk#anger issues that easy xd just saying it. but noooo you have to internalize the MOST random things. of couse.
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actually im feeling a little bit ill over the fact that its actually done now
#long tag ramble ahead#personal#like fuck man when i clicked on my first video (that i then clicked off of) i wasnt even in grade 12 yet and now im in my second year of uni#and it feels like so much has changed but as silly as it sounds. this is one of the things that has kept me grounded through it all#the theorizing the analysis the constant possibility of a lore stream. and now its gone. and ill never see these characters again#im just not used to being into things as they happen i guess. i normally get into long-term media after it ends + this is one of my longest-#lasting interests ever AND it was ongoing the whole time i was into it? yeah its upsetting that its over now. just a little bit#btw this is probably almost entirely because ive really gotten back into it this past week specifically#had this happened a month ago i might not even have watched the streams. but being on break had me thinking about it to an extent i havent#since probably... march? like it felt like 2020 again for me#idk im just being nostalgic. and i want a new big interest but im not ready to move on from this and dont have the time to let something-#-else consume me so ig im stuck longing for december 2020 again lol#really overall though im just happy that this series of streams let me recapture the joy and excitement this smp used to give me again#if only for like... 12 hours
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ok thats enough being awake im gonna go lie down & think of sad &/or horny hildemet scenarios & hopefully sleep
#ffposting#that wasnt nearly enough sleep is the thing. i just woke up to do my two roulettes i hadnt done yet#im really liking ast so far. though im only lvl 60... excited to see where it goes#smn is a delight i love playing smn. genuinely. blm i just unlocked something so very scary but it seems... manageable.. not too bad...#i just suck at remembering rotations but ill get it right eventually. that one person from that one raid believes in me#& sch. i really need to actually learn it i feel like i have like four or five spells i never use bc they have names i mix up#& idk what they do really. bc i forget to read that outside of combat#i want to get good enough at sch thta i queue for it instead of smn so i can actually get faster pops#i queued as sch for some time but im a little scared now im lvl 70. what if i do badly & they kill me in front of everyone#oh well Um. !! hildemet are going on a trip to garlemald to check on hildes parents & likely kill them. click like if u agree
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Don't mind me and my 34 support tabs open on my phone.
#listen 26 of them are just research based that i havent resolved on my computer#but sometiems i get thoughts and i gotta have like hand held access man#also side note i just live witnessed a man yeet himself out of a server declaring himself trying to open up discussions about race and accep#tance amongst the server or something idk i didn't see the previous conversation#i closed out went back and the comment wasnt there like damn#he was a mod i think idk mam#its like going to the coffee shop once a month and everyone has a click and i just want my sad affordable black coffee#they dont even have good beans there#jk its actually a nice little server the creator is very kind and cool#im just like damn i could never ever ever ever host a discord server#i can barely contribute in group messages hewooo
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ughhhhhhhhhh that was such a waste of my time and now im just all frustrated and angry. just wanted to draw man
#spent like over an hour trying to make something when it just wasnt gonna happen#im pretty upset ive had this tablet since i was fourteen#and im just mad that now i cant do anything digital for idk how long#fuck. this sucks#it went from spam clicking and giving me error messages to just. not doing anything at all#awesome awesome great wonderful#i was hoping this tablet would get me through college#mine#personal
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ISSANUTBBY | onyakopon
summary: you didn't really get the 'moaning and whimpering' epidemic.
pairing: pornstar!only x hyperfem!reader
content warning: country ony, male masturbation, degradation, rample fap, pervy onya, p hub link, idk how to tag
a/n: I was gonna gatekeep my favorite asmrist but for the sake of the fic i gave it up 😕
sighing as the uptenth tiktok about moaning audios from boyfriends, and being talked through it appeared on her for you page. these were just two things she's never experienced in her 21 years of living.
so she decided to do her own research.
boyfriend asmr did nothing but make her giggle, and she mildly liked the whimpering audios but it also makes her cringe. until she stumble upon 'issanutbaby' nose turned at the name but still she clicked and scrolled.
endless audios and a couple videos with lewd titles filled her computer screen, heat rising to her face eyes scanning the ridiculously large package and oily, dark skinned muscular chest that showcased on each thumbnail.
finally making up her mind on a video with a less vulgar title 'ramblefap livestream' the show began. watching the dark skinned lean back into his chair, music low in the background as he smirked at the camera, the sliver grilz on his canines peaking. face never showing just his two toned lips glossy lips, pink tongue, body and huge half hard package.
he wasnt talking yet, just rolling the thick blunt between his pretty hands, tounge lapping at the papers with a smirk. "wish that was you huh?" talking with deep low rasp with a hint of southern twang that made her toes curl and boy did she definitely did wish it was her. he sparked it up taking a long drag, the smoke illuminating his sexiness even more.
"there's this girl I always see." he started with a groan. "a lil' thing she is." chuckling as he took another hit of his wood.
" always running around campus like a chicken wit 'er head cut off. it's cute but girls like that don't usually go for niggas like me. usually so stuck and in their books and looking fora nerdy ass engineer."
his lips pouted slightly as he shakes his head, "y'all saying why not talk to her? shiii ion' even know why i ain't approached her sexy ass."
humming he blew the smoke up as his unoccupied hand went to palm his growing erection. "always walking around in them lacy dresses and bows."
"fuck. was watching her last Friday and she dropped one 'er glittery ass notebooks. saw of peek of her panties and." he freed his cock hard and proud from the opening of his underwear. spitting on his hand as he began the stroke his piece. "saw that fat ass pussy through her pink panties"
he grunted, wood in his mouth as he leaned back into his chair hips slightly bucking up into his hand. "ima pervert?" he sounded amused as he squeezed his two-toned tip causing it to leak sticky, clear precum.
"who really the pervert? i think y'all are perverts. watching me stroke my shit, waiting for me to buss all over myself."
he laughed, your panties began to feel slick as you watched the glistening brown cock twitch as he talked, he was leaking down onto the floor, and his heavy balls caused a loud smacking sound to fill your air pods. "Fuckin' brats ion' think y'all deserve this nut."
you jump out your skin as your roommate annie enters the room. she frowns at your reaction, dumping her bags on the ground. "the hell. . you watching porn or something?"
"no! what? why would you even say that." you squeak out, with wide eyes. watching her lip lift in amusement as she slowly stalks your way. "oh reallyyy lemme see your laptop."
standing to your feet you clench your laptop to your chest, practically hissing at the blonde who puts her hands up in defeat.
"you got it princess"
© CCWPIDS'BLOG2024 – reblogs and comments are appreciated wholeheartedly encouraged ꢾ꣒
#anime x black!reader#aot x black reader#armin x black reader#connie x black reader#eren x reader#ony x black reader#𓊆ྀི onyaᝰ.ᐟ❤︎𓊇ྀི#aot onyankopon#onyankopon x reader#onyankopon x black y/n#onyankopon smut#onyankapon#aot x black y/n#aot x reader
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hm
#my posts#well hi hello you sorta know the drill!! making this so that if you read more its bc you clicked and its not my fault <3#i am just probably being dramatic or overreacting or like. just not mentally alright lmao but whats new. the sun burns and water#makes thigns wet. anyways yeah i just saw a post that was like 'you spend all your childhood wanting to be an adult and once you-#-become one you regret wanting it' or something like that right?#and im sitting here like you guys wanted to become adults thats so wild to me. actually the post also said that its stronger when youre 17#like. the only times i wanted to be an adult was when i was very small and got told 'youll get it when youre older' but other than that#i never wanted to stop being a kid and the more i grew up the more i sorta. hated it#being a teen was a nightmare and actually being 17/18 was so bad i was dreading it and you all desired it????#it probably has to do with the fact i spent all years since i was 12 going 'whatever ill kms before im 18. worst case scenario before im20'#but yeah no i cant believe people actually wanted to become adults. its. idk. i know im the odd one here which kinda makes it worst#so like. idk lmao it just hurts knowing people experienced things so different than i did. way better than i did#and that no matter what i cant really change that. i could try to live my best life since i stopped believing kms is a valid future plan#i still feel like theres.. something stopping me. like i am stuck as the kid that never wanted to grow up#and was never ready to deal with anything thats adult life. i guess. i just always feel very innadecuate?#like i shouldnt be living this life. like maybe there is something out there for me but t his isnt it really. but like.#i also dont think theres anything for me at the same time. like genuinely i wasnt meant to ever get older than a teen#..................... im. gonna get back to post anything else but i just wanted to get this out of me bc its. a lot lmao#man i need therapy
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Adding (part of) @amidalleia's tags because I can't believeee I forgot to mention that part of Nancy, the Black Door, etc.
Yes!!! A very good point. And in this sense, it does connect Nancy going to the Black Door to other seasons. S2 being a big one, as she comes to accept her trauma as a part of her. Yet the idea being even if you know someone is strong enough to get through something, if you could erase that pain, would you? Which, interesting to ask because the answer can be contradictory.
But really whatever aspect you focus on, it was a lot to add in and properly address when they were already at the end of the season and in addition to the curse.
I have a running theory of why the writing in s1 and s2 of Nancy Drew is arguably stronger and that it has little to do with the number of episodes and instead the approach to storytelling but alas that's all I can say for now
#so it's like even when more episodes could have helped#they also sorta wrote themselves into a corner by focusing on a lot for the time they did have#i also wrote something the other day that idk if i'll ever post lol#but.. (trying to think of the best way to explain it)#the idea being that throughout every season there's this reocurring idea of what you could cross your personal line for#like the contradictions within that#for example: kate teaching nancy to always seek the truth while actively lying to her#or: nancy 'horseshoe bay is my heart' choosing ace momentarily over the town#the circumstances vary by a lot#but alsooo that's what storytelling is#putting characters in situations and making them answer questions they never thought they'd get#the frustrating thing with s4 is it's like the pieces were there they just didn’t all click in the way they could have#it could have been more effective#im curious how they would have ended the season with nace if it wasnt for the cancelation#flythepost
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FUCK IT, TADC EP 2 THOUGHTS MAJOR SPOILERS!! BE WARNED
LETS GO!! Pomni is still pretty screwed up over her first day here, I mean this is all fresh and new to her so like DUH. everyone else here is somewhat or entirely adjusted and kind of just cope with the fact that theyre here I dont think pomni has really processed how long theyve been here?? In the pilot she seems SO bothered by how okay they are with this and willingness to do caines fuckass adventures
i dont blame her, anywho pomni in her nightmare-induced state starts to abstract, she had to face an abstraction early on in her days here which like have to be pretty truamatizing (duh) and cried out to ANYONE, but where she called for help literally no one helped her “oh well” they though
Pomni doesn't feel like anybody else cares, shes the only one whos still going through an adjustment phase and freaking the fuck out while everyone else is just going along with the adventure, something she still thinks is kinda pointless and doesn't get why anybody would waste their time here doing when they COULD be looking for a way out, why is she the only one who seems to still be distressed here? To feel lost? At least from her perspective, it seems that way. Unfortunately, these people have already been here for a while.
Pomski then meets someone whos just like her, their whole reality was shattered and they don't belong anywhere, mirroring how pomni feels at the moment, even if she still has some sort of grip now vs when she first got here
And she finds comfort in that!!! Why is it that this NPC feels more real than the ACTUAL REAL PEOPLE trapped here with her??? Whatever the reason, its something to hold onto. Something to LATCH onto. Hes Real. or at least he feels real, and maybe she feels like she belongs with him because at least he knows the feeling, something shes not really felt w anyone else before
This comfort and solidarity she has with gumigoo is shortlived however as she gets brutally reminded that he wasnt real. The anchor she had vanished and there's quite literally nobody to catch her fall.
And i feel like ragatha trying to comfort her the way she did didnt help AT ALL. it was kinda a sore reminder that gumigoo is easily replaceable, and GOD thats so frustrating?? This thing felt so real to her and nobody seems to care that he just vanished!! If they could be so apathetic to this whos to say they wont just treat her demise just the same as she thought they would???
But then something important happens. They have a funeral for Kaufmo, someone whos been established to be their friend way before Pomni ever came here. And maybe it didn't ever settle in before that kaufmo was a real person! Literally!! And he was real to them. Just like gumigoo though less directly they relate to being in pain and kind of in shock of losing someone who they cared about and who was a real person to care about to them AND LIKE YOU CAN SEE WHERE IT CLICKS IN HER FACIAL EXPRESSION HERE, THE CHANGE IN HER EYES AND THE WAY HER EXPRESSION LOSENS AT THIS IDK IT DRIVES ME CRAZY GOD THE ANIMATORS WENT OFF W THIS EP VS THE PILOT IM IM IM
anyways anyways They have their funeral service, theres quite literally no reason for anyone to just lie and go along with whatever bs caines got going on, this also quite literally has nothing to do with him. This is kind of their own little way of keeping some sort of human traditions and respect for the human persons that get stuck here because they care. HELL you can even see pomni feel a little guilty here when ragatha says that his funeral was disrupted cause she arrived here
anyways thats exactly it!! They fucking car!! This whole time pomni thought that they just didnt care and were kind of apathetic or downright patronizing her over all this and mocking her or whatnot, like in her dream sequence. But no, they all talk respectively about their memories and experiences with kaufmo, the things they shared together and the feelings they had. EVERYBODY was grieving. Ragatha who always tried to put on some cheerful and kind of irritating (to pomni at least) everythings fine facade (which also kind of feels less real to her at least i think so but i don't think she figured it to be a coping mechanism) to just straight up start crying and breaking up a bit, even mentioning how this does not ever get any easier and how shes had to deal with this plenty of times before.
Zooble the usually apathetic and kind of asshole who keeps to themselves and gives off i don't care energy and probably gave off the impression that they didn't care about anyone here and just treated the people stuck here as an unfortunate fact and nothing more actually being vulnerable and probably doing the same as ragatha talking about their memories with kaufmo
Kingers ALWAYS kind of zoned out or not really taking anything seriously and just being there completely lost in space, but here hes grounded, and even earlier in the episode when ragatha needed it most he remained grounded then too (tho pomni didnt see that i just wanted to mention it). Just like the others he grieves and lives in the unfortunate moment
more of the kinger being grounded when the thought counts
GANGLE- dude even if its for just a moment she smiles here despite having her tragedy mask and like her whole shtick is being of whatever mood or emotion her mask is allegedly wether she wants to or not, but no here shes more than just that, she smiles for a bit when reminiscing her moments with kaufmo only to go back into crying, and man shes always crying with her tragedy mask but its beyond as far as anyone can tell wether or not its really her or just because of her mask, but here? its really her, no matter what the mask on her face shows!! shes genuinely smiling despite having her comedy mask and shes genuinely crying which is very blatantly obviously different to the usual mask cry etc etc
heres something about all this, it hits pomni in a way. These people ARE real, and they care. They care about her, they have nothing else but eachother and THATS something to latch onto. Thats something to hold her down, even if they just met pomni
SPEAKING OF JUST MEETING POMNI she literally expressed how she didnt wanna just LEAVE gumigoo there by himself because she believes no one should just be left there
the circus peeps just met pomni and just like how she felt a real connection to gumigoo in this digital hell she feels a sort of connection with these people too. Theyre gonna have her back all the same, maybe she wont feel so out of place and alone. BONUS THING!! The literal only times she genuinely smiles is when she feels this real connection to what feels real to her and has a genuine and sincere moment with these people whether it be an npc or a trapped member. Idk it just means something to me how significant both these moments are tipped off with a genuine smile a REAL SMIE!! (id add pictures but tumblr has a 30 image limit) OH ALSO BONUS BONUS THING THE DIFFERENCE IN OUTRO MUSIC IS SO IS SO ITS SO the outro song for the pilot kinda feels so ethereal and out of the moment at least to me it kinda feels like it you're slipping through the cracks and just, existing within yourself as the rest of the world around you kind of shatters into glass or melts into water or something i dont think ANY of that made any sense but its loud and its blaring and its so out of reach in a way, mad disassociation vibes but the outro song for the 2nd ep is a lot quieter yet its right there, at first it starts really small, lonely even. trapped by yourself but as the music gets louder and more instruments join in on the song it kind of has a comforting feel? bittersweet? even? its grounding ina way which is much different from how the first one felt at least to me lmao and the comforting feel kinda only emphasizes what I was talking about earlier- the comfort in having that anchor of reality with having a real moment with these people and making that connection yk? and like as i was saying at first the song starts off with just one instrument, at the start of the episode pomni feels utter alone and out of place even if these people here with here are stuck in the same situation as her, together alone. but as the other instruments join. in it kinda uplifts the song a bit, its not one sole instrument anymore like how in the end pomni feels that connection with everyone else, not so alone anymore idk jackshit about music theory so this is entirely a feelies talk instead of like- music lore? so don't take anything i say as like- idk some professional speak im just a nerd nerding about silly digital fixations ANYWAYS THATS ALL FOR NOW I AVE MORE TO SAY BUT THIS IS LONG ENOUGH LOL if you actually read all the way down this far thank you for listening!!! i really really appreciate it :]
#tadc#the amazing digital circus#pomni#tadc pomni#ragatha#tadc ragatha#gangle#tadc gangle#zooble#tadc zooble#kinger#tadc kinger#jax#tadc jax#tadc ep 2#tadc episode 2#im crazy#ramble time#I MISS GUMIGOO!!#speaking of#gumigoo#tadc gummigoo#that was tragic killingmysel-#FUCK YOU CAINE#ALL MY HOMIES ANGY AT CAINE#marlo rambles
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im sorry but i need to geek out somewhere and screaming into the void on tumblr is less likely to get me flayed than on twitter, especially if i get terms wrong. plus i can do a read more and yall can click into the tech talk if you want to verse it bombarding your twitter timelines
so idk if i only liked it or if i actually put it in my queue but i saw a post that talked about a few pieces of tech that focus on user repairs and being sustainable (fairphone and frameworks laptop) and after doing some more research into what they have to offer i actually really excited that these products are finely hitting the us market and that people are moving away from the belief that super smooth streamlined glassy = the future. being able to reliably repair and keep what you have alive verse throwing the whole thing away when maybe all you needed to do is add more ram to your current laptop (something that i would do with my laptop to keep using it for a few more years if it wasnt glued shut and i was at risk of cracking the screen) or swap out a fuse.
i know big corporations dont like it but i truly do believe with how much tech we use on a daily basis that the way that we are going to be more environmentally friendly is to move back to tech that we can hang onto for as long as we can and to recycle and then reuse what we cant. like with the frameworks laptop. i saw that they just partnered with coolermaster to create a case specifically so that you can reuse you motherboard, cpu, etc and make a portable workstation. you could dual wield with the laptop you just upgraded if you want to dedicate specific tasks to one or the other. they also specifically mentioned that you could screw it into the back of a monitor and create your own all in one. guys thats cool as shit??? if you had a 3d printer and some time you could even create that yourself
on top of the actual hardware part moving to open source programs when your able. when i update my desktop i plan on running linux. it might have a learning curve compared to windows but in terms of performance??? ive heard that it runs smoother even on older machines, that its more efficient because isnt running stuff in the background that tracks your data and shit. now i understand that not everyone can do that because there are some programs that dont play nice with linux but for my needs at least it does everything i would need it to. and maybe a couple years down the road we do figure out how to run these programs on certain flavors of linux since its open source and people fiddle with it so much. (still looking for alternatives to like word and excel though, i use google docs since its free but i want to move away from them as much as i can too since they laid of their youtube music team (i believe?? it might of been a different branch) for trying to unionize)
if anyone knows of any other smaller companies that actually focus on sustainability and user repairability please let me know. theres certain pieces of tech that i think are now unfortunately behind a software repair paywall, things that used to be just machines and are gaining more bells and whistles like cars and refrigerators if that makes sense. but the more we push for these things to be repairable by us the consumers id hope that would change, or there would at least be options that dont need specific companies to repair them or else they blow up
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oh also,,, whenever you wanna write. chap 6 steve & robin pov blurb because i am so sure steve would be going on and on about bug once she left so my soul needs that thank you <3
im kicking myself idk why i didnt include this scene in the chapter like its PERFECT for what i have planned later but ,,, for now all i can do is make it a blurb n tell people to read it lmao
enjoy <3
"it didnt matter that you were an ass. i was still... obsessed with you." robins confession hangs in the air. her back is pressed against steves as they lay on the floor, bound together. his eye stings and his nose is numb and crusted with dried blood. he isnt sure why shes telling him this.
"even though all of us losers pretend to be above it all, we still just wanna be popular. accepted. normal."
the rope around steves wrists tense. he clenches his fists and bites the inside of his swollen cheek. acceptance. he thought he had that, once. when he was sixteen with a crowd of people who wouldve done anything for his attention.
now hes eighteen and the crowds bruises still tinge his body.
"if it makes you feel any better, having those things isnt all that great. seriously." it took him a long time to learn that. to recognize that his acceptance was merely a precedence. it wasnt real friendship. he wouldnt learn this until he met you, until you taught it to him. "it just baffles me. everything that people tell you is important, everything that people say you should care about, its all just... bullshit."
bullshit. nancy taught him that, too.
"its all just bullshit, it was so obviously bullshit. i was an idiot for not realizing it sooner," steve bites the inside of is cheek again. somehow, his lips remained untouched when he was being beaten by the russians. your lips still linger on his. "you know, the only person who saw through my bullshit was y/n. one day, before we knew about monsters and russian lairs, she said that she knew i wasnt a bad person. it... it stuck with me. here she was, y/n henderson, telling me i wasnt so bad."
"and then...?" robin is almost too afraid to press him further. shes never seen him like this, vulnerable and open. she didnt know that his history with you went beyond just a summer fling.
steve nudges his head back and sighs. "i messed up. i... i hurt people. people she cared about."
robin frowns. you wouldnt forgive someone so easily for that. theres more to what steve is saying, she just cant figure out what. "she must really love you, then. if she forgave you."
"i dont know if she loves me, but i know that she believes in me. sees someone worth putting up with." he huffs, he cant believe he will never see you again. he hates that he will never be able to thank you for seeing a version of him that no one else could. "it wasnt until i messed up that i realized she saw something in me. its ironic, isnt it? but i guess you gotta mess up to figure things out, right?"
he had to mess up to realize that he loved you, too.
"i hope so. i feel like my whole life has been one big error." robin admits. its the least she could do, offer steve a piece of herself in return for what hes offered her.
an unattractive snort escapes steve. he laughs, and his shoulders shake against robins. he understands exactly what she means. "yup."
"god, i wonder how y/n does it."
"does what?"
robin pauses, worries that she might reveal too much. but its steve. if theyre going to die together, he deserves to know. he has to know. "shes always able to see the error in people and love them anyways."
steve is quiet. he lets what she said settle over him. its what he loves the most about you. how youve always managed to see the good in people, even in someone as cruel as billy. he hadnt known that robin noticed this kindness in you, too.
she seems to understand you in a way only he and jonathan do.
"you know, i wish id known you in clicks class." its a peace offering. an extension of himself to robin for caring about you the way he does. no one really seems to be able, despite how easy steve finds it to be.
"yeah?"
"really, i do. maybe you couldve helped me pass the class." he breathes out, the thought of all he couldve done differently will always haunt him. king steve is dead, but the persona is a ghost he will never be able to get rid of. "maybe instead of being here, id be with y/n on some romantic getaway. maybe you wouldve given me the courage to do what i shouldve done sooner."
robin doesnt say anything. she turns her face away, presses her cheek against the concrete surface.
"robin?"
she swallows. "yeah. yeah, maybe. you wouldnt have been stuck slinging ice cream with me like some smuck."
steve shakes his head. hes worried hes said the wrong thing. "hey, dont get me wrong. i enjoyed being your smuck. it was fun while it lasted."
bittersweetness creeps upon robins face. she smiles, though its a sad one. shes going to die with the understanding of why youve fallen so hard for steve harrington. "yeah. it was."
then the doors burst open and the russian find them.
#augustbucky#ask#come home blurb#m speaks#m's writing#set in season 3 !#stevie baby ur making robin sad
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and i think a big shifting point for him at some point probably a few years in is when he goes yknow what. this is stupid. why am i not just taking the things i want. whos gonna stop me? like i think theres a point where you do enough stuff just to survive and all of a sudden these constructed walls of the Rules Of The World fall away and i think for him it feels like. if he lived his entire life in a cage that was too small to stand up in and suddenly hes walking around free. and i think as much as that moment is probably a net bad thing (because i think hes always been a violent person even when he was trying not to be) i think it makes him feel pretty damn good and i think he Does a lot more stuff now that hes not just sitting around moping. but i do still think theres a ways to go between "i can take things when i want them" and "i deserve to have anything i want" because i think the latter is a more recent development and is probably the thing that moves their relationship from messy hookups that end badly to something that can be at least functional long term.
like i think the main thing that keeps hog at a distance from them for their whole relationship is that idea that he hates wanting what he cant have and he doesnt want anything he cant keep. and while before it was an abstract "theyre going to grow up soon and realize theyve made a lot of shit decisions and leave me behind" kind of thing now its like. theyre going to die. theyre dying and theyre going to die and its going to be slow and its going to be awful and i dont think he knows how to handle that idea? not that hes never had somebody die on him before i just think its different when he can see it coming. when he knows theres a time limit on what he considers the only good thing in his life its easier to just say well i dont deserve it anyways and force himself to detatch.
#like i think thats when he really lets The Roadhog off the leash ykwim#like i do think he considered what happened a moment of death i think it took some time for him to decide to be alive again#like i think there would be idk maybe two years of. drinking and moping and hating himself and everyone else and just waiting to die#and more than a few times getting really close. and then in my head its like#the first time he kills another person on purpose. i think he starts on the guilt and then rationalizes it. because yeah he had to#the guy wouldve killed him if he hadnt. and then i think that rationalization slowly bleeds into reality which is that none of these people#stand a chance against him when he really tries. they barely had a chance when he wasnt. and i think its that that makes it click like#again i think a lot of his life has been being a very angry impulsive violent person and feeling awful about it#because he didnt want to be a Bad Person. and i think for him it would feel like hes got this thing inside him he has to keep chained up#lest it hurt everyone he loves and ruin his life forever. and now its like#everything is already ruined and letting himself off the leash is his greatest asset out here.#and i think that makes it click like fuck it i can just take it#and i think part of why he continues to keep them at arms length after restarting their Thing#is bcs he has to realize theyre literally Dying#i dont think it happens the first time they meet again i think its maybe a year or two into these on/off hookups#and he just assumed that 'you left me to die' is annie being dramatic as they tend to be. and then hes there for something really bad and#hes like ah. like literally dying. shit.#guy who just realized he can get whatever he wants by punching good when theres a problem he cant solve with his fist: ah.#and i think he tries to detatch himself again but he fucked up by letting them know he still loves them and now theyre a crazy person so#they arent never gonna leave him alone. not a day of peace for this guy.#and i think it drives fish crazy because they arent privvy to this thought process of his#so it literally just feels like he cant decide if he loves them or hates them and so he cant decide how to treat them#and they get these random bursts of tenderness and affection that remind them so much of the guy theyre in love with#interspersed with just the worst interactions ever that remind them that they hate him#and it drives them nuts. they just want him to love them the way they want him to. and he canttttttttt and theyre both mad about it
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