#idk. sad. sighs really heavy. well i guess i never had a choice in anything so it doesn't make sense to grieve it now

[cielosuerte]

i do sort of feel like i was born with an open wound instead of a heart sometimes. and i can only ever bleed or tourniquet, and neither option wins you any love

[waithyuck]

smile

***part of the nct almost collab by @hyucksie***

pairing: zhong chenle x reader (f)

genre: ANGST, a single grain of fluff

word count: 7k

warnings: swearing, depictions of depression, overall sadness, frustration/anger, the reader is sort of obsessed with chenle, heartbreak, descriptions of a panic attack + anxiety, chenle becomes an ass :/, forced kissing, hyuck is a good friend :)

a/n: my piece for the ALMOST collab! I hope you all enjoy this mess of feelings 🥴 idk if this is actually good or not but I think I’m happy with the way it turned out ??? idk anyway enjoy lmao

———

Ever since you could remember, you’ve had a crush on Chenle.

Literally ever since you could remember, considering he’s been in your life since you were five years old.

Classic boy next door trope, you could say.

You attended the same school and even shared classes together throughout your elementary and middle school years. High school obviously had a lot more freedom, giving you the opportunity to pick and choose classes that suited your interests. naturally, that pulled the two of you apart in a certain sense.

You could recall one instance in the very beginning of your freshman year where you caught Chenle and some random girl kissing behind the bleachers. It tore you apart inside, so young a fragile at the time, but you threw on a smile like you always tended to do, and let out a quick and airy apology before running off into the safety of Donghyuck’s arms.

Nonetheless, you and Chenle were pretty damn close; kind of like those best friends you see in books or stories...except that in fiction they usually end up together, and you and Chenle, well...haven’t yet.

You still had hope though, that maybe he felt the same way you did for him. You held onto that hope and cherished it, considering it was the only reason you could get up and face the world on most days.

Yeah, you knew it was pathetic. at least you could acknowledge the fact that relying on feelings from a boy you liked was incredibly stupid, but hey, you had the brain of a senior in high school.

Anyway, you and Chenle were very friendly toward each other, and of course you would talk to each other out your individual windows sometimes late at night, but it wasn’t like those stories people read online. You were simply really good friends; nothing like brother and sister, but certainly not anything more than just friends.

You’d say you probably know more about Chenle than most; besides your shared friends Donghyuck (who was already in university, and your closest friend next to Chenle) and Jisung (who was just a tad bit younger and too shy to really hold a conversation with you). You paid close attention to him because, well, who doesn’t want to know everything about the person they’re crushing on?

Even so, it was definitely a given that Chenle was extremely passionate about his schoolwork and his future career. This kid wanted to be the ‘best lawyer the world has ever seen’, according to himself. You were always supportive of him, egging him on when the workload got to him and assuring him that everything would be okay in the end, even when he was exhausted from all his extracurricular activities and volunteering. Chenle seriously seemed like he would work himself to death.

You never really fully processed what him being passionate about his future would mean for you, and how it would affect your relationship and friendship with him. You didn’t even know that he applied to universities at all (since he didn’t tell you and you were kind of oblivious, to be honest), let alone which ones he strived for.

Fast forward to the present, it was currently the middle of November and school was going full swing, your senior year of high school passing by like a breeze. You were currently hanging out with Donghyuck, who was in town for the weekend from his university in the next city over. It was always nice to see him, his presence always putting a smile on your face.

You both sat at a window seat in the middle of a fairly busy restaurant, joking with each other and picking at your food lightly as you conversed. It grew silent for a moment, your chuckles dying down from some stupid attempt at a joke by Hyuck, before he broke it.

“Did you hear that Chenle got into Harvard?” Donghyuck absentmindedly spoke quietly, picking at the salad seated in front of him on the restaurant table. “Full fucking ride.” He didn’t even look up to meet your now bulging eyes.

Your blood ran ice cold as your heart began to seemingly stop beating, freezing just like your veins.

“He what?” you practically screeched, causing the boy across from you to jump slightly.

Hyuck looked at you then, his cheeks filled with food as he grasped his chest dramatically.

“Uh yeah?” he replied like it was obvious. “He’s really passionate about his career choice, you know.”

“Of course I know!” you shrieked at him, your hands going up to pull at your hair exasperatedly. You chewed your lip, your heart pounding and squeezing in your chest at the notion of Chenle’s inevitable departure from your life. “What, you think I wouldn’t know that the boy I’ve known since I was a LITERAL CHILD, isn’t passionate about his future?!”

Donghyuck was now looking around the both of you, taking notice of the strangers who were now staring at your visibly panicked form.

“Y/N, calm down, please–“

“I’m calm! I’m perfectly fine! ahah,” you chewed on your nails frantically as you tried to quiet your mouth and your mind, your leg shaking nonstop under the table, causing the silverware to shake.

You distracted yourself by looking out the window to your immediate left, trying to watch the people walk by like it was some sort of therapy for your bustling thoughts.

“Why didn’t he tell us he was applying to–“ you cut yourself off quietly, stopping your question short. ”...How does he know already?” you asked, your voice small.

“Early action or some shit, I guess.”

It was quiet for a few minutes between you both; Hyuck continued to munch on his salad and you could feel his eye warily watching you as you chewed your nails to nubs.

“...Are you okay?” he finally questioned, his voice comforting as he pulled you from out of your own head.

“Just,” you bit your lip, your eyes spaced out as you stared down at the floor. “Why couldn’t he have picked a school around here?” Your voice was small and quiet, and you could hear the boy across from you sigh. “Why couldn’t he just do that, like you?”

He didn’t really say anything then, picking up the fact that those were most definitely rhetorical questions. You didn’t touch any more of your food, your stomach tied up in knots, making you feel sick.

“Y/N...”

You didn’t look at him, your face hot with embarrassment from how much pain your heart was actually feeling at the news that Chenle, the boy you have loved for years, would be leaving you.

“He’s really excited about this...you…” he trailed off, trying to pick his next words carefully. “You need to show him some support, even though I know it hurts you.”

You knew that deep down, Hyuck was absolutely right. What kind of friend would you be if you were selfish and kept yourself wrapped up in your own feelings? You sniffled and picked your head back up, finally looking at him.

“You’re right. you are absolutely right.” you finally breathed out, trying to slowly calm your aching anxiety. “Just like always, Hyuck.” You cracked a slight smile then, and he returned it, seeming relieved that you snapped out of your panic, even if it was just a little bit.

“At least you can acknowledge it, angel.” He sent you a wink along with the pet name, and you jokingly gagged, which caused the both of you to laugh.

With the mood seemingly lifted, you were able to enjoy the rest of your time with Donghyuck, even if the anxiety of Chenle leaving was still a heavy presence in the back of your reeling mind.

——

That same night, you laid yourself across your pillows and stared up at the ceiling, not even bothering to change out of your slightly uncomfortable jeans. The lights were on and all was quiet as you laid trapped in your own thoughts, the inevitable scene of your crush of many, many years leaving replaying on loop inside your head.

You tried to distract yourself by working on some miscellaneous homework assignments, trying to get your work done as quickly and efficiently as possible.

You were just getting in the flow of writing a rough draft for an essay when you heard your mother yell up the steps at you.

“Y/N!” she called, startling you. when you replied with a ‘Yeah?’ she continued, “Chenle is here, I’m sending him up!”

Your heart jumped and you quickly shot up from your bed, trying to get rid of any clothes strewn around your floor to at least make your room somewhat presentable. As you slammed the hamper lid shut, you heard a small knock on the door before Chenle let himself in, already beaming at you.

“Y/N, I have some awesome news!” he immediately spoke, shutting the door behind him. You will yourself not to let your heart sink, already knowing what he wanted to share with you he reached behind him to grab his book bag, and once it was in his grasp he set it on the floor, taking a seat beside you on your bed.

You tried not to let your heart race as his shoulder brushed against yours, and you tried to convert up your nerves by giving him a smile in return. Chenle rummaged through his back before angrily grunting, turning to face you.

“I left something at home that I wanted to show you, shit,” he murmured, his hand coming up to swipe over his face. “I can go grab it real quick–“

“Let’s just go to your room, it’s literally right across. We can climb,” you suggested, wanting to escape the suffocating warmth of your own bedroom. Plus, you were always more comfortable sitting on his mattress anyway. “It’ll be fun, like when we were younger.”

You two both grinned at each other then, Chenle nodding his head in compliance as you both stood, preparing yourselves for the leap out of your bedroom window.

You didn’t bother with a jacket; you were only going to be out in the cold for about five minutes tops, anyway. You allowed him to go first, his body jumping out and landing on the roof of your shed with ease. You quickly followed suit, landing a little rough but still in one piece, nonetheless.

He generously offered to prop you up first so you could skillfully open his window from the outside, which you gladly accepted with a smirk on your lips.

“You’re the best at it.” he replied, slightly whining at your smug reaction. “Always have been. For some reason I can never get it open!!”

You ignored him after that, focusing on keeping your balance on his shoulders while you lifted the window open, pulling yourself up on the sill and throwing yourself inside with a dull thud. You heard the scrapings of Chenle making his way up the side of his house, and he toppled in not long after you.

“I’m definitely never doing that again,” he panted, laying flat on his back on the floor for a few moments. You stared back at him from his bed, giggling at his heavily rising and falling chest. “Maybe not never...but not again anytime soon, that’s for sure.”

He managed to pull himself up from the carpet, dusting off his pants and shrugging off his coat before joining you on the bed. He pulled a piece of paper from his nightstand, and your heart began to pound with untamed anxiety.

“This,” he started, his eyes sparkling as he looked at the piece of paper before looking back at you. “is my acceptance letter to Harvard. I got in, Y/N!!!”

Chenle was so excited, and you couldn’t help but swoon at the absolute elation in his eyes as he went on about what he was accepted for and even what the letter said.

You, of course, didn’t tell him that you already knew, courtesy of Donghyuck. If you would have known that Chenle applied to Harvard, you would have had no doubts from the very beginning that he would get in.

Maybe he didn’t tell anyone just in case he wasn’t accepted, and if no one knew then there would be no one to disappoint.

You knew that no matter what, you could never ever be disappointed in Chenle. He was too smart and too good to ever be thought of in that way.

All you could do was smile and smile some more as he went on, barely breathing before he finally took a short pause. His eyes fell down to look at his denim covered legs, and he bit his lip as you watched him in the sudden quiet of his room.

It didn’t last very long, and he took a deep breath before breaking the short silence.

“They want me to fly out there as soon as possible,” he finally spoke, looking up at you from where his gaze was previously on his lap. “I talked to our school, and they’re willing to let me graduate early. I have all my credits, which is really cool.”

Chenle seemed excited, but he spoke softly, as if he knew how hard this news was for you to hear. You surprised yourself at how composed you were acting, despite the jabbing pain you felt in your heart with every word that passed through his lips.

“That’s great,” you commented, a tight smile lining your face, your voice so close to breaking. “When do you leave?”

A question you didn’t really want the answer to. You didn’t want him to leave at all, and gaining the knowledge of a deadline wouldn’t ease your aching heart any.

He shuffled on the bed, pulling his legs up to sit fully on the mattress facing you. He clasped his hands together and sighed, his bleached blonde hair falling into his eyes.

“The end of December, right before new years,” he chewed on the inside of his cheek, his eyes trying to gauge your reaction, even though you weren’t really giving him anything to work with.

That was really soon…

“Wait, but that’s before our semester ends—“

“I know.” he cut you off, smiling brightly. “Like I said, the school is alright with this all happening. They’re really happy for me.”

You sighed, nodding in understanding. It was silent for a moment once more between the two of you; only the sounds of distant cars driving down the otherwise quiet street could be heard for a few moments.

“I just want you to know that I’m really happy for you too, Chenle.” you softly spoke, your hand reaching out to boldly cover his own sitting on the bed in front of you. He stared down at your now touching fingers, but didn’t move to pull away from your warmth.

“Thank you,” he smiled, surprising you by taking your hand in his own and squeezing it, taking your contact with each other a step further. “It means a lot coming from you.”

“Does my approval matter to you?” you questioned, not able to keep it from slipping past your lips. His eyebrows quirked up and he tilted his head a little, looking away briefly before making eye contact once again.

“Yeah, I guess it does.” he replied. “I never really thought about it before, but now that you brought it up...it really does, so thank you.”

You stared at each other then, your lips parted and dry, your brain not sure what to say to him in response. Your heart was hammering in your chest and your ears were consumed with the rhythmic beating and blood rushing happening within your own body.

His brown eyes and dyed blonde hair captivated you and your tongue felt like sandpaper inside your mouth. he looked like he was fighting with himself in a way; restricting his body from moving closer to your own as you sat there in the silence of his room. Your body seemed to mechanically move on its own as it scooted closer to him, your fingers tightening around his as you situated yourself against his body, your face now just next to his. His eyes flicked down to your lips before moving back to your wide eyes, and you felt your stomach jump in anticipation.

Before either of you could do anything, a loud bang came from outside of his bedroom door, followed by a yell from his mother.

You sprung away from each other and you immediately shot up from his bed, already sprinting to his open window from which you came in from. Chenle stood as well, looking between you and the locked door that held his mother back.

“I’ll see you at school.” you hurriedly whispered, taking one more glance at his red cheeks before leaping out the window and down onto the grass below.

You climbed your way up to your own open bedroom window, using the shed and throwing yourself inside quickly before shutting it and closing the curtains. Once you were sure everything was locked and the lights were all off, you slammed yourself down onto your mattress, shoved your face into your pillows, and screamed.

——

“Can we go for a walk around the neighborhood? I want to see all the Christmas lights before people start taking them down.” Chenle spoke through the speaker on your phone, his face not in view on the screen as you FaceTimed each other. You heard shuffling on his end as you focused your attention on your laptop screen, mindlessly shopping online for random things to keep your mind off of the fact that Chenle was leaving in just three days.

The few weeks you had with him passed by like a blur, and you both tried to spend as much time together as possible. Between having to spend time with your family and other friends, it wasn’t as much as you would have liked it to have been.

“Yeah, sure.” you mumbled, closing the laptop on your bed with a soft clack. “Meet you outside in fifteen?”

“Make it ten.” he replied with a smile in his voice, before hanging up.

You sighed heavily before putting your coat on, bundling yourself up for the bite of the cold outside. It was bitterly freezing, and you knew without your whole winter ensemble that you wouldn’t be able to feel your fingers within two seconds flat of being out there.

Fumbling with the buttons and zipper on your coat, you managed to make it outside in seven minutes even, meeting him on the sidewalk just down your driveway.

“Wow, not late for once.” he commented, nudging your shoulder as the two of your began to walk in sync down your brightly lit street.

“Knock it off, I can be on time when I try hard enough.” You rolled your eyes playfully at him, a hint of a smile gracing your lips as you began to take in the beautiful lights around you.

Christmas truly was a beautiful time of year; not just for the holiday itself, because not everyone celebrated it obviously, but for the decorations and the sense of home and warmth.

Chenle and yourself both kept relatively quiet as you walked on, only making noise when you wanted to get each other’s attention to point out certain decorations on some houses. It was rather peaceful, and your heart was swelling with warmth in adoration as you looked to admire his face, which was illuminated by the colorful Christmas lights surrounding you.

Your stomach jolted slightly. This may be the last time you see him for a while. You didn’t mean for the intrusive thought of his absence to wiggle its way into your mind, but it was too late to fight it off.

‘I should just confess’, you thought, now nervously picking at your nails, and chewing your lip to bits. ‘There may not be another chance like this, not for a while.’

It was selfish...but it was now or never.

Too shy to actually confess your feelings first—and thinking back to certain moments that you’ve shared with Chenle to come to this conclusion—you decided to take a different approach.

Get him to confess first.

“I need to ask you something,” you blurted out, your brain scolding your mouth silently for being so goddamn reckless in a moment of weakness.

Maybe this was a bad idea...

Chenle quirked his eyebrow up at you before stopping, turning to face you entirely.

“What’s up?” he replied, his hands stuffed deeply in his pockets in a desperate attempt to keep them warm. His nose was red from the chill in the air and his lips were the same shade from him biting them, the sheen of his chapstick almost completely gone now. His eyes were glassy from the wind blowing and even though his cheeks were blotched in crimson, you thought this was the most beautiful he had ever looked.

You couldn’t do this. Fuck, you really couldn’t do this. Why did you have to open your big, stupid mouth—

“Hey Y/N? Are you in there?” he suddenly broke you from your own thoughts, causing you to jump a little in your boots. “What did you wanna ask me?”

“Uh,” Quick, think of something dumb! “You know, why is perfume so damn expensive?”

You wanted to throw yourself into a frozen lake at this point, as you watched his brow furrow in confusion.

“Uhm, I don’t know,” he bit his lip for about the hundredth time since you started your walk. “Ingredients maybe? Higher end perfumes probably have stuff in them that are more hard to come by, so that’s probably wh—“

“Do you like me?” you interrupted him loudly, squeezing your eyes shut as you practically belted out your original question.

He seemingly froze in front of you, and definitely not from the cold air whipping around your bodies as the wind harshly blew.

“Do I...like you.” he repeated back, formed as a statement more than a question. “Like...as in romantically?”

You didn’t even have to nod for him to know what you meant; the look in your eyes told him enough. The pleading, glassy look as hope swirled beneath your irises, just absolutely begging him to say that yes, he did like you in the way that you liked him.

“Yes,” you confirmed audibly anyway, heat flickering throughout your entire face. “You know, b-because I think before we almost kissed in your room that one time not too long ago, and we’ve been more touchy lately—“ you would have continued on your panicked rambling if he hadn’t cut you off, beginning to speak solemnly.

“Y/N...I..” he started, shaking his head as he tried to get his thoughts straight. “I do. I really do,” your heart jumped at his confession, and you allowed it to spread in your body like wildfire. It didn’t get very far, because he continued to speak. “but I...I can’t.”

You visibly deflated; your heart shattered like glass and everything colorful around you seemed to fade into a greyscale, the holiday lights surrounding the two of you no longer sparking any kind of joy. “This scholarship...my future...it’s important to me. I can’t let anything stop me, I’m so sorry…”

“Chenle...” you whimpered, stepping closer to him boldly, unsure of how to properly express your feelings to him at this point. You dared to breach his personal space, and he watched your every move with those same, glossy brown eyes that you adored every day for so many years.

You tilted your head, your lips ghosting over his own as he let out shaky breaths, yours matching his as you stood together in the cold.

His lips were right there. unmoving, as he didn’t pull away from you. If your leaned forward just a little more...almost….almostalmostalmost—so close—

“Y/N, stop.” he suddenly muttered, pulling you out of your trance. His head drew back as he stepped away, still in your reach but far enough to where your lips weren’t brushing against each other’s anymore.

You gritted your teeth at the rejected feeling that bubbles up inside you, the tears welling your eyes before spilling hotly down your frozen cheeks.

“I love you, Chenle.” you cried, gripping the rough material of his jean jacket. The darkness of the night could have hidden your tears if it weren’t for the moonlight blaring down on the two of you like a spotlight. “Please, I love you.”

He looked like he was trying to hold himself together, his lips set in a straight line as he looked away from you, his hands hovering over your wrists. Chenle gripped them suddenly, not hard, but with enough force to get you to pay attention.

“I love you too, Y/N.” he finally admitted, his voice quiet as he tried to restrain his emotions. “But I can’t pass this up. I just can’t.”

You should have forced yourself to understand. This was his life, for fucks sake. You shouldn’t have let yourself feel selfish, thinking that he would drop everything to stay here. With you.

“We can’t be together. I’m sorry.” he finished with that, slowly dropping your wrists from his hold. “If I…” he swallowed thickly. “If I let you kiss me, I know I wouldn’t be able to leave. I know it.”

He took in your figure at last, watching as your tears fell freely from your eyes in hot rivers down your already stained cheeks.

“Look, maybe someday this would work...but just, not now.” he sounded exasperated, running a hand through his hair. “Your life is here, and my life will be starting there. I’ll be busy constantly and it just...won’t be fair. It really won’t, you have to understand, Y/N.”

He watched as your hands shook when you lifted them to wipe your face, solemnly nodding in acknowledgement to his words.

“Okay.” you croaked, not meeting his eyes as you turned to walk away, leaving him in the middle of the park you used to play at when you were kids.

You weren’t going to put up a fight. You weren’t going to plead with him anymore. You were going to try your absolute hardest to stop yourself from being selfish in that way.

You were just going to have to live with that fact that you couldn’t have him right now. That you almost could have had him.

Almost.

——

Chenle faded out of your life like he wasn’t even present in the first place. You barely heard from him after he left; there would be miscellaneous texts here and there but overall, he was right in the end. He was really always busy.

His school workload was heavy, and you were aware of that, but a selfish part of you always seemed to get angry at him for not responding to you.

The worst part was not knowing whether he wanted to reach out to you at all.

He didn’t come home during summer break, which broke your heart a little bit. Donghyuck tried his best to be there for you as you went through the motions; you were constantly miserable at the reality that you most likely would never call Chenle your own.

Chenle didn’t keep in contact much with Hyuck or Jisung either, seemingly leaving you all in the dust as he went about his new life away from you. His parents talked to him all the time obviously, and your own mother would dawdle on about something that Chenle achieved at school to you, but you’ve come to pretty much ignore everything that had to do with him.

You went about getting your own education, passing your classes by the skin of your teeth during the first semester and then producing the same results during the semester after that.

You really couldn’t blame yourself for feeling so utterly heartbroken; you were in love with that boy for most of your life, and for him to suddenly rip himself away from you like that was wholeheartedly agonizing.

Chenle rarely ever came home; he did briefly for Christmas, but then hurriedly left immediately after, not even staying for the full duration of his break.

You actually ran into him by accident one day while he was still home, but you didn’t stay in his presence very long before wanting to go to the safety of your bedroom and cry.

“Did you even miss me?” you whimpered out, exhausted after your small talk had turned into a bit of an argument. He sighed heavily, frustrated no doubt. you could hear it in his voice as he spoke to you.

“What do you want me say, Y/N?” he countered, scoffing at you as you held back the pain you felt burning behind your eyes, desperate to cry. “I haven’t even had the time to miss anyone, let alone you.”

You stood in silence for a moment, baffled at his dismissive attitude of it all. It’s like he didn’t even remember that he told you he liked you too all those months ago.

“You...” your voice cracked a little, and you looked away from him. “Did you even try, Chenle? Did you even try to find the time to talk to me?”

He didn’t say anything back, only staring at you before tearing his eyes away, his jaw locked. You felt as if you already knew the answer.

You turned to leave, but felt his hand immediately circle around your arm, roughly pulling you back to face him. Taking one look at his face, you knew he was angry.

“Do you know how much it hurt, Y/N?” he barked out, making you flinch back slightly. “Do you know how much it hurt to leave you? I–“ he cut himself off as his voice cracked, turning his head away and swallowing heavily before continuing. “I wanted to, so bad Y/N. You have no idea.”

Your lips parted in shock, and you had a million things you wanted to say, but you managed to keep it all inside as he went on.

“But I had to control myself. I already came to terms with the fact that this,” he gestured between the two of you, “wasn't going to ever work out. I figured that out a long time ago... I had to distance myself from you, I’m sorry.”

You really didn’t want to accept that apology. You really really didn’t. Your anger was swirling inside you, a typhoon of emotions building and building as you stared back into his now cold brown eyes. To you, they used to be so full of warmth and friendliness, and now they looked distant and unentertained, like he didn’t want to be here in the first place.

That hurt like a bitch.

You scoffed at him, making his eyebrows raise in confusion before they furrowed, his eyes narrowed at you.

Yeah, you were probably being a bitch for not accepting his apology, and all of this was turning out to be super petty, but you felt like he deserved it just a little bit.

Deep down you knew he had a point; his reasoning was valid and it all made sense, but when did having feelings for someone like you had for him ever lead to rational decision making?

“You know, Chenle,” you started, shoving your hands in your pockets roughly to shield them from the cold. “I really thought that we could still be friends after all the bullshit, I really did.” He watched you carefully as you practically spat forth those words, venom dripping in your tone. “But then you went and messed it all up.”

You probably shouldn’t have added that last part; playing the blame game never worked in anyone’s favor in the end, but your emotions once again got the best of you.

Smoke practically blew out his ears as his mouth parted in shock. Your heart dropped when you heard the sound of sarcastic laughter falling out of his mouth, knowing full well that you fucked up this time.

“I messed it up? Me??” He was pointing to his own chest for emphasis, and you had the audacity to give him a quick nod. “Ahah, wow Y/N, that’s really rich coming from you.”

You didn’t even have a second to get a word in before he crowded your space, so close that your chests were touching. You drew in a sharp breath, not sure what in the hell he was doing right now.

“You were the one that was practically begging me to kiss you that night, remember? You were trying so hard,” he spat, so close to your face now that you couldn’t even feel the cold nipping at your cheeks anymore (whether it be from the embarrassment lacing through your veins or the extensive heat from his body, you weren’t sure).

You couldn’t think of anything to say in response; all you knew was that he was dishing out pretty low blows, and each word was like a knife being plunged into your chest.

“Like, how desperate are you?” he added in, now moving his hands to grip your waist, making you squeak in surprise. “You want a kiss so bad? Get fucking ready.”

You weren’t sure what he meant and your brain was having such a hard time comprehending anything going on in that moment, the pressure of his hands gripping your waist making all thoughts fly out of your head besides one.

Him.

“Wait, Chenle–“ you placed a hand on his chest to try to push him away, unsure of how you felt about this situation.

“What, you don’t want it now?” his voice was borderline malicious as he spoke to you now, making you feel incredibly small and vulnerable under his gaze.

“No I–“

“You come to me and give me all that bullshit, and now when I’m trying to give you something that you wanted,” his grip grew tighter. “you don’t want it anymore? Make up your damn mind, Y/N.”

You did want it. There was still a huge part of you that screamed at you to just let it happen, but you knew it would be wrong. So fucking wrong. He wasn’t doing this because he wanted to; he was doing this because he wanted all this to end right here.

You were scared. He was scaring you with the way he was acting right now.

“Chenle, please—“

“Just shut up.”

Chenle didn’t allow you to get another word in before he crashed his lips against yours, roughly pressing his against your own so abruptly that you felt your teeth pierce the inside of yours. You tasted blood, but it wasn’t the first thing on your mind at the moment; Chenle moved his mouth against yours aggressively and without any emotion besides anger behind it, and you absolutely hated it.

Sure, it felt nice to finally get what you wanted, but in a way, you definitely were not. This isn’t what you wanted at all. You wanted to love him and you wanted him to love you...and you wanted it to feel nice.

His hands slid down to your hips and your stomach jumped in surprise as you tried desperately to match his pace to at least kiss him back a little bit. It didn’t last long, and with a strong push on your hips he effectively pulled away, your body stumbling back from the force of his shove.

His lips were red and puffy and his eyes were dark as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, panting slightly. You probably looked somewhat the same, but didn’t even move from where you stood as he stared at you. You felt your eyes become glassy from staring into space too long, and you felt your hands shake, but most definitely not from the cold.

“There’s your fucking kiss.” He finally said, taking two steps back. “Goodbye, Y/N.”

You didn’t even watch him walk back into his house. You ran as fast as you could back into your own home and immediately slammed the front door shut behind you, darting up the stairs without a single word.

You barged into your bedroom and without even removing your winter garments, you threw yourself down onto your mattress for what seemed like the millionth time in the last year, and began to sob.

——

Chenle’s parents said that he had commitments at the school, some sort of research or whatever, and that’s why he couldn’t stay home long. At the time, all you really thought was ‘good riddance’, but you knew that your heart would be back to obsessing over him in no time, even after what had happened between the two of you on the day you try so hard not to remember.

Well, at least he was flourishing at school.

When Donghyuck found out what had happened between you and Chenle during the time he was home from university, he was ready to kill someone. That someone being Chenle.

“He did what to you?!” Donghyuck screamed over the phone, causing you to pull it from your ear from the sheer volume of his screeching. “I’ll kill him, Y/N. I swear I’ll fucking kill that kid.”

“No need, Hyuckie. It’s not that big of a deal.” you replied somberly, sighing as you relaxed on your mattress against your pillows.

“Not a big deal??? Angel, he basically forced that shit on you,” Hyuck was speaking softly to you now, a stark contrast to his yelling from a few moments prior. “You should be furious at him. You need to tell someone—“

“I’m not mad,” you replied quietly, chewing on your bottom lip. “A part of me wanted that to happen, Hyuck. It just…” your voice trailed off, your brain trying to think of the right words to say. “Wasn’t what I was expecting, is all.”

The line was quiet and you weren’t sure what to say next, and Donghyuck must have felt the same. It was a really fucked up situation, you had to admit.

“I think I…” your voice sounded broken, but you continued. “I think I still love him.” The words came out as a whisper and they surprised even yourself, not expecting to admit such a thing after all that has happened.

“Oh, angel…” was all Donghyuck replied with before you quickly made up some lame excuse to hang up the call with him. You hurriedly pressed the ‘end call’ button and threw yourself back on the bed, spacing out once again just like you always do.

You managed to bear with not seeing or talking to Chenle after the incident (a huge part of you didn’t want to, after hearing what he had to say and also what he did during Christmas break), but when you stumbled across a post of his one night a couple months after while scrolling through Instagram, it had your heart shattering completely.

“What the fuck,” you whimpered, already struggling to hold back tears as your watery eyes stared daggers at the photo displayed on your screen. “What. The. Fuck?” you said it louder this time, with more malice, and you threw your phone across your bed to get it away from you.

Chenle had posted a photo of himself and another girl, kissing each other while snow fell in some random park you didn’t give a fuck about. He found someone else. He fell for someone else.

The hypocrisy.....he didn’t want to be with you because he wanted to focus on school, but then he goes and starts up a relationship with someone else anyway?

Maybe he did it to spite you.

At first, you felt pathetic for crying about it. You tried to muffle your cries in your pillow, holding back the ugly sobs that you so desperately wanted to let out. You silently cried, your heart aching and your lungs gasping for air as you fought the pain in the dark pit inside your chest.

You began to grow angry after a while, your thoughts spinning wildly out of control as your chest heaved, your nails digging into your sheets to keep yourself from clawing at your own burning throat.

You screamed.

You screamed and screamed and cried until there was nothing left inside you. You needed to let out the festering hatred you had grown for him since he left over a year ago. It was ugly and it was cacophonous, but you didn’t care anymore.

Your parents were luckily out, and you didn’t give a fuck about your neighbors. You poured out every raw emotion you felt until you sensed yourself beginning to calm; your chest no longer rose and fell like you had been running a marathon, your heartbeat quieted to a low thrum in your ears instead of a pounding drum, and your muscles relaxed, allowing you to lie down flat against your mattress.

Your pillow was soaked through with tears and your head was thumping, like your brain was smashing a baseball bat to the inside of your skull. You breathed in, five long seconds, and breathed out, seven seconds more, before bathing in the quiet of your room.

Your phoned buzzed from the end of your bed, and you hesitantly picked your head up, sliding to sit and reach for it tentatively.

It was a text message.

From: donghyuckie :P

hey, saw chenle’s post. ice cream in 20? I’ll pick you up

You smiled, surprising yourself entirely, as if you weren’t just screaming your head off just five minutes ago. You were incredibly happy to have such a good friend in your life, immediately knowing what you needed when you needed it. You were quick to reply.

To: donghyuckie :P

sounds good, I’ll see you then :)

You smiled again, and didn’t stop the whole night, Donghyuck's presence always comforting and joyful.

You would be okay, you knew you would. All you had to do was just live your own life, forget about Chenle, and be happy...always with a smile.

[kitty-cat-is-back]

What Am I Doing with My Life? Chapter 1

Pairing: Sero Hanta x Reader

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: Hello everyone! This is my first fic, so I hope you guys like it! If I’m being honest, I have no idea what this is currently or what this is going to turn into, but this is just a very self indulgent fic, so I’m sorry if this isn’t for you! Definitely my inspiration to even take a crack at writing a fic is @reinawritesbnha, so you should definitely check her out cause her fics are wayyyyy better than whatever you’re gonna read now! Anyways, I’m terrible at writing summaries, so just have a quick read for yourself and see if you like it! Oh, also this is a real world au, so no powers for any of the characters! ANYWAYS, I hope you like it! :)

Warnings: signs of depression, a hint of angst (idk)

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

With a groan, you rolled over and aimlessly searched for your phone, promptly shutting off your alarm. A sigh escaped your lips as you stared up at the cracked ceiling, already hearing the loud stomping of your upstairs neighbor so early in the morning. You gazed out the window, staring at the luxurious view of the brick wall from the building next to your apartment, anything to prolong starting the day. Once you didn’t think you could hold off any longer on getting ready, so you dragged your body up and out of bed, mosing into the bathroom as you pondered the same question you did everyday: What am I doing with my life?

You didn’t feel like you were sad per se, but you certainly weren’t thrilled about life. Everyday felt like a rut… Wake up, work, eat, sleep, and repeat. You honestly can’t remember that last time you really felt happy. Well… Maybe back then…

You walked into the classroom early groggily, the sun had barely even risen in the sky. The room was mostly empty, spare a boy sitting at his desk, looking much too mischievous this early in the morning. You placed your stuff at your desk and gave yourself a small pep talk in your head. Today was the day you were finally going to do it. With a few more words of your own encouragement, you slowly approached the boy’s desk, gaining a closer look at what he was doing. Curiosity getting the better of you, you pushed your mission aside and started off with some simple small talk.

“What are you doing?” you asked, an eyebrow raised quizzically.

The lanky boy with shaggy black hair and an infectious smile averted his gaze away from his creation to peer up at you. He grinned cheekily before looking back down and pulling more tape from the dispenser to add to the mass he had already formed, “Making a tape ball.”

You tilted your head in confusion before hesitantly asking, “...A tape ball? What for?”

He shrugged, “Dunno yet… Probably gonna throw it at Kaminari during 4th period. We’ll see how I’m feeling,” he stated, wrapping more and more tape around the sticky monstrosity.

You hummed in response, attempting to hide your smile at his antics, even though his attention was solely placed on creating the tape ball. A silence fell over the two of you as you continued to watch him, rocking back and forth on your feet nervously. Just spit it out already! This was your chance! You ceased your rocking and promptly cleared your throat, “Hanta!”

The boy’s brows shot up at the exclamation and turned away from his abomination, giving you his full attention. He just now noticed the makeup adorning your face, something he’s positive he’s never seen you wear before, but can recognize the effort you put into it. His cheeks flushed at his prolonged staring at your beauty and finally stammered out, “Y-Yes?”

This was it. You balled up your fists and tensed up, almost as if preparing for impact, “A-Are… Are you… Are you busy… this weekend…?” you asked, unsure of the words.

Hanta relaxed a bit, though still a bit on edge as to why you were acting so awkward all of a sudden, “Oh, that’s it? No, I’m not particularly busy,” he pondered aloud, “Probably just gonna hang with the squad… Hey, you can join us if you want to! I’ve been dying to properly introduce you to them! I mean, they all know you from around school, but they don’t like… know you know you, y’know?”

You visibly deflated, your mind racing to figure out how to remedy this problem, “I told you… I don’t think your friends would like me. I’m so awkward around new people, I would probably just embarrass you… B-But that wasn’t what I meant!” you paused and took a breath, mentally preparing yourself, “I was trying to ask if you wanted to go on a da-”

Your words were cut off by your friend walking into the classroom. They spotted you and quickly made their way over towards you, “There you are! We’ve been looking everywhere for you! C’mon, we’re gonna go chill in the cafeteria before classes start!” your friend said as they tugged on your arm.

Your mind went into panic mode, glancing frantically between your friend and Hanta, “N-No… Wait! I was just-”

You were cut off once again, “Just finished talking? Great!” your friend said, pulling harder on your arm, “Bye Hanta! I’m sure you guys can catch up later!” they said before successfully pulling you out of the room, leaving behind a confused Hanta.

Once having exited the classroom, your friend let out a disgusted scoff, “How many times do we have to tell you? No. Hanging. With. Hanta. It’s really that simple. That whole friend group of his is no good!”

Your shoulders slumped and your face fell into a frown, “There’s nothing wrong with Hanta… Just because Mina ghosted you after a hookup doesn’t mean the whole group is-”

“Oh. My. GOD. I told you not to ring up the ‘incident’ again! You know it makes me upset!” they said with a huff. They shook it off, “Whatever, but that doesn’t matter! I won’t have my best friend hanging out with those losers and then ultimately getting your heart broken when they don’t want you anymore! So you either listen to me and stop hanging around that guy or we’re not friends anymore.”

This felt like one of those moments in your life where the decision you make would drastically alter your life. You had a choice of two paths and whatever you chose, you couldn’t go back and try again. You stayed silent as you weighed out your options.

“Hellooo?? I’m waiting!”

“Hello? Are you even listening to me?!”

“Hello?”

“Hello? Are you ok?”

You snapped out of your reminiscing and looked up to see your office assistant giving you a concerned look. You started rapidly blinking in confusion, wondering how in the world your body had managed to take you all the way to work without dying while you were caught up in a daydream. You let out a heavy breath and leaned back in your chair, “Yea…” you started, “Yea, I’m fine. I just… didn’t get much sleep last night is all…” you said with a little bit of conviction.

Your office assistant nodded, definitely not convinced, “Right… Anyways, I guess now seems like a good time to bring this up. Your twelve o’clock appointment called and cancelled. That was the only patient you had scheduled, so I think you should take this opportunity and take the day off. In the year that you’ve been working here, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you take time off for yourself. You may not think it, but even psychologists need mental health days,” they joked, trying to lighten up the somber atmosphere of your office.

You rubbed the back of your neck, desperately racking your brain to come up with a reason to stay at work. If you were working, you weren’t thinking and if you weren’t thinking, you were better off that way. You opened your mouth to start spilling out excuses, “Well…”

“I’m gonna stop you right there. I know every single thing you’re about to say and I’m not having it today. I’ll stay and do some work around the office and answer phone calls if needed. You may be my boss, but I’m ordering you to take the day off. You deserve it. You need it.”

You sighed and hung your head. There was no getting out of this. You held your hands up in defeat, “Alright, alright, I give. I’ll take the day off. You win…” you grumbled. After a victorious cheer from your assistant, you packed up your stuff and headed out of the office. Now that you were alone again, you were left with nothing but your own thoughts.

Maybe your assistant was right about this whole day off thing. I mean, remembering back on your high school days? If you’re starting to believe that you peaked mid-way through high school, you must be going crazy. But… You felt like you were kind of right about one decision drastically changing your life. One choice led you down a path that you couldn’t escape and were forced to keep walking down, no matter how many times you wanted to walk back and find your way again. Maybe you wouldn’t be here if you had chosen a different path, or maybe nothing would’ve changed at all. It doesn’t make sense to wonder about it now. The choice was made and nothing can be undone.

Getting lost in your thoughts again, your body still magically transporting you from one place to the next, you missed out on the man chasing you through the bustling streets of the city, calling out your name like a madman. He pushed through the crowds of people walking in the opposite direction of him, mumbling out apologies every few seconds. He finally managed to make his way to you and grabbed your wrist to gain your attention,

“(Y/N)!”

You snapped out of your thoughts for the second time that day and whipped around to see the boy you knew long ago, but he had turned into a man. Your eyes became wide as your jaw dropped in disbelief, somehow managing to stutter out,

“H-Hanta!?”

[six-of-woes]

The Clown and the Potato Sack (Aerin x MC) Chapter 2

Chapter 2/?: A Sudden Interest in Floriculture

Paring: Aerin Valleros x F!MC

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24533863

Previous Chapter: https://hi-im-a-salty-human-being.tumblr.com/post/619969185697710080/the-clown-and-the-potato-sack-aerin-valleros-x#notes

Summary: Now with the Dreadlord defeated and her friends out of Whitetower, Cassia Nightbloom, is bored. Extremely bored. She wants to do literally anything, but she doesn’t know what. Her solution? Try to get some answers from a certain corrupt prince. Unfortunately, that leads to a wacky yet angsty adventure involving a potato sack, a wooden spoon, and A LOT of clowning around. At least she’s doing something…right?

Author’s Note: Soooo...I wrote another chapter. It’s shorter...but that’s beacsue there’s gonna be more chapters...So you have that to look forward to. Idk how to know when people want to be tagged unless the specifically tell me because I have the social awareness of a turtle...so... if you wannt be tagged...let me know in the notes...

Tags: @what-do-you-mean-theyre-evil @theclowneryqueen@findmeafterlife @0oi-io0 @thatgirlbuhle @mirabelle-choices@souhmhey @king-erzsebet @vlastomilsworm @diamonds-and-decorum @xsweetnspookyx @ernest-harrington @walkerswhiskeygirl @gela-mndz

~~~

“I have time.”

Aerin swallowed hard and took a seat across from Cassia. “Are you sure?”

Cassia continued to frown, but nodded. “Everyone else left town a few hours ago and this is the most dangerous things can get right now.”

“Are you really that bored?” He asked, starting to fiddle with his potato-sack-tunic.

“I’m bored and I want answers,” she spoke firmly, trying not to let her emotions out. Why was she doing that anyway? Aerin couldn’t do anything to her if he saw that she was weak, right? Other than get in my head. So yeah. Cassia wasn’t gonna look sad. Not that she was. Well...she was sad. But that was because her friends had just left town. Not because of Aerin. Duh...right?

Aerin shook his head. “Fine, but don’t act surprised when the answer is just corruption.”

“Just tell me what happened, Aerin,” Cassia said, biting her lower lip. 

A few seconds of silence passed before anyone said anything. The longer Cassia stared into his dark, corrupt, eyes, the more the whole situation set in. This was the real Aerin. The prince she met in the Deadwood was just a facade.

Aerin sighed and shook his head. “Alright, fine, but I’m only doing this to get you out of here.”

“That’s fine. All I need are some answers,” Cassia said, crossing her legs. “It’s not like I want to be down here much more than you do.” She shivered and pulled her cloak tighter around her shoulders.

“Okay,” he breathed. “It happened when I was really young, maybe two or three. I don’t remember the full details of what happened, but it ended with my chambers trashed, my storybooks torn to pieces, and my nose bloodied. I tried to tell my parents but…they refused to believe that their “perfect little future king” could cause such destruction.” Aerin let out a dry laugh and looked at the mossy brick wall. “They actually tried to accuse me of doing it myself for attention…Attention that neither of them ever gave me.”

About a minute of silence passed by again. Aerin continued to look at the wall, but Cassia could see the emptiness in his expression. There wasn’t any sadness, but there wasn’t any anger either. He just…stared.

“Soooo…How did you get corrupted?”

Aerin looked back at Cassia and sighed. “The details are fuzzy…but I remember running off to somewhere in the castle to be alone…that’s when Erthax found me. I don’t know or remember how, but he told me that if I helped him, there would be a day where I’d never have to be hurt by Baldur again.” He looked down. “I’m quite sure you can guess what happened next.”

He was three. Cassia thought. A child. A pawn.

“Can you leave me alone now?”

Cassia shook her head. “Not until the other two guards get here. You’re not supposed to be left alone.”

The grown that Aerin let out could probably be heard from Flotilla. Or the shadow realm. Or both. Probably both. Aerin was a bit of a drama queen.

“You think I want to be here? Because I don’t. “

“But—didn’t you—aren’t you—for a reason—what?”

Cassia crossed her arms and shook her head. “Just because I wanted answers doesn’t mean I want to spend an extended amount of time in this cold, damp, mossy dungeon. It’s freezing.

Aerin scoffed. “Oh, poor you. You’ve had to stay down here for what—thirty minutes? I can’t even fathom that. I’m only down here for, oh, I don’t know—the rest of my life!”

The pair spent the net few minutes glaring at each other. Anger and frustration began welling up in Cassia’s chest the longer she gazed into his eyes, the eyes that she couldn’t believe were Aerin’s, the eyes that weren’t the ones she saw at the lake. They couldn’t be. They didn’t have the same life in them. That Aerin was hopeful. This Aerin was a bitch.

Cassia sighed and laid down on her back. She ignored the puddle she was laying in, even as the water soaked through her clothes. Truly, what could she do now? She got what she could out of Aerin. That was the last interesting thing she could think of.

Fifteen minutes passed, and there was still no sign of the guards. Fifteen minutes passed, and Cassia’s eyelids grew heavy. Fifteen minutes passed, and Aerin stared blankly at his prison.

Drip. Drip. Drip. Cassia gazed at the ceiling, watching the droplets of water fall all around her. And on her. There was a reason that puddle she was laying in was where it was.

As much as she didn’t want them to, Cassia let her thoughts drift back to the lake again. The unicorn still bothered her, but, she knew that with Aerin in this bad a mood, she wasn’t going to get that answer any time soon. She thought about when it was just them, sitting on the edge of the lake. When they splashed each other, when they just talked. How pretty those flowers looked in the moonlight…

The lake…those flowers…

Cassia sprung to her feet. “THE MOONBLOOMS!”

“GAH!” Aerin screeched, falling back at Cassia’s sudden shout. He held a hand up to his head and glared at Cassia. “What the hells are you going on about?”

“Oh gods,” Cassia breathed, starting to bounce from foot to foot. “That’s the cure!”

“For what?” Aerin snapped. “Corruption?”

“No!” She yelped. “My boredom!” Cassia let a beat pass by. “…Okay, maybe to cure your corruption too.”

“Psh,” Aerin scoffed, turning his back to Cassia. “What makes you think I want to be cured, huh? I have a revenge plan to form. I don’t have time to not be corrupted.”

Cassia snorted. “Of course you don’t want to be not corrupted. You’re corrupted!” She made a mad dash to the exit. “I’ll be back! I have a plan!”

Aerin turned back around and grasped onto the bars of his cell. “No! Wait! I don’t consent to this plan!”

“Too late!”

~~~

“Soooo…You gonna tell me why you have an interest in magical floriculture all of a sudden?”

Cassia didn’t look up from her book. “I’m bored, Kade. I’m bored and I want to learn about flowers. Must you judge me for such an innocent hobby?”

The morning light bathed Cassia’s spot in the library in light, creating a warm blanket around her. Cassia’s book was one on magical flowers(unsurprisingly) and their properties. So far, there was nothing on moonblooms.

“You know the fact that you’re calling your hobby “innocent” makes me even more suspicious, right?” Kade picked a random book off one of the shelves and sat down on the floor in front of the chair Cassia was sitting in.

“Well, I never questioned your tiny chair collection,” she muttered, thumbing through the pages. 

Kade shrugged and started reading his own book. “Alright, you got me there.”

Cassia smirked. “Thanks. I’ll be sure to update you when I get out of trouble.”

“What could you possibly be doing with flowers that could get you into trouble?” Kade scratched his head. “Wait…never mind. You can get into trouble for anything.”

“Damn right I can.”

As Cassia continued to skim her book, she smiled at all the memories she had of getting in trouble with Kade. It was a simpler time…when the most danger she could get in was by trying to steal a pie, not…you know…having to venture into the equivalent of hell to make sure her best friend wasn’t used as a vessel for an ancient beast to try and take over the world.

Eventually, Cassia came across the page she was looking for.

Moonblooms: Only Known Cure for Corruption

Cassia’s heartbeat quickened as she read the title. Alright, this is it. What do we gotta do to cure Aerin’s corruption our boredom? 

Moonblooms used to be used by the Elven Empire to cure any forms of corruption. Unfortunately, just before the Shadow Court revolted, they made an effort to destroy as many moonblooms as possible. Within the last few thousand years, there haven’t been any reports of living moonblooms.

However, if you ever find yourself in a situation where you know of a place to get moonblooms, and have some corruption you’d like to cure, here’s what you would need to do:

Soak the petals in a bowl of water for around eight and a half minutes. By then, the water should be a deep plum color, and it should be steaming. Once your concoction is in this state, have your corrupted being drink it. Yes, it may be extremely hot, but it’ll do no lasting harm to the mouth. Once the cure has entered the system, results will be almost immediate, but be warned: all of the shadow being expelled at once will be incredibly painful for the one being cured. The records have people stating that it feels like throwing up knives, as well as stating an appearance of blood. Another side effect of this cure is feelings of extreme remorse, sadness, and joy, all at once.

“Hey, Kade?”

“Hm?”

“Do you wanna help me with something?”

Kade didn’t look up from his book. “Sure.”

“Even if it involves breaking Aerin out of his cell to get him to the Deadwood to cure him of his corruption?”

“Does this happen to have anything to do with you kissing him at some point?”

Cassia scoffed. “N-no! I’m just bored!” She started rolling from her heels to her feet. “I need more adventure! This is the closest I can get to the ordeal we just went through! I’m certainly NOT doing this because I have a history with him.”

Kade looked up from his book and raised an eyebrow.

“Okay—maybe it has something to do with it,” Cassia mumbled, crossing her arms. “But—that’s not…the only reason why…”

“Sure, Cassia. Whatever you say.” Kade set his book on the floor and grinned. “So…what do you need me to do?”

~~~

“So remind me why we’re stealing sacks of potatoes from the kitchens again?”

Cassia slung another sack over her shoulder. “Because we need to make a convincing decoy.” She watched Kade drop one of the sacks. “Plus they’d probably help us knock out the guards.”

Kade heaved the dropped potato sack over his shoulder. “Right…how are you supposed to get him out of there? Isn’t there a magical shield or something?”

“You’re forgetting I’m a powerful magic-user. I’m sure I can figure out some way to break him out.”

“So what I’m hearing,” Kade said, pushing the kitchen doors open. “Is that you don’t have a plan at all.”

“You wound me, brother,” Cassia said, slinging the potatoes into the wheelbarrow sitting outside. “My plan is to make it up as I go.”

[zoadgo]

147 with murven, pretty please

Okay so I’m just going through my inbox to write some drabbles and try to get back into doing fan fic. I think I know which prompt lists most of these were from, but I might be wrong. All of these are several years old tho, so idk. All drabbles are unedited and prone to many typos, sorry my dudes

147: “ I can take care of myself just fine.”

Some days, everything is fine. Well, as fine as things get. Sure, society as a whole is on the brink of collapse and they’re constantly struggling to avert the latest disaster, but there are communal dinners and picking out rooms in the farmhouse, and sometimes Raven gets to sit in the sun for a few minutes and she can pretend nothing bad is happening. They make jokes, and Indra is way too intense, and Raven sasses at Murphy who gives as good as he gets, and Clarke gets to be a mom, and it’s just... Nice.

But some days Raven wakes up with phantom pain dancing a jig hand in hand with her actual, chronic pain, and she wants to vomit as she puts on her brace, fingers shaking and tears stinging her eyes. She wants to cut off her leg, and go run away into the woods and live in the underground caves and never have to look at the people around her and remember the heartbreak that never seems to end. She doesn’t want to solve problems, and she doesn’t want to play nice, and those days her sarcasm turns to aggression, and everyone leaves her alone to work on motorcycles, throwing wrenches and cursing loudly.

And then there are the days where she can’t turn all that pain into rage. The days where she just wants to be held, she wants someone to see through every wall she’s put up, and she just wants to cry. And those days scare her most of all, because she knows how dangerous that is. She knows how much worse it gets when someone does see you, and then they leave. Taken away by the whims of fate, and the hands of her friends. 

On days like that, of which today is one, she grabs a little jar full of insects - just in case, Raven has had more than enough mind manipulation for one life time thank you very much - and she goes into the woods. Research, she says. Sometimes she does study things, sorrow held at bay temporarily by a new discovery. But, more often than not, she finds her way up a hill or a tree, straining against her own limitations to get somewhere with a view. Somewhere that reminds her of spacewalks. And when she gets there, she sits down, and she cries. The sort of crying she doesn’t do in front of the others, not anymore. The sort that tears at something inside of her, makes it raw and bloody, and is impossible to stop.

And everyone always leaves her alone.

Which is why, when Raven hear a very distinct pattern of footsteps approaching, she immediately goes on full alert. Sure, the Children of Gabriel no longer live in the woods ready to attack anyone they see, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily safe. There could be a new splinter cell of them, or one of the convicts deciding they’d rather not do hard labour, or some new and unknown threat. So Raven rubs the tears from her face quickly and clumsily, grabbing her gun and turning towards the noise.

“Really, Raven? I thought you and I had moved past pointing guns at each other.” Murphy’s unfortunately familiar form emerges from the tree line, hands held up in surrender. 

Just great, the one person she really doesn’t have the energy to deal with today.

“Go away, Murphy.” Raven grumbles as she turns away from him, laying down her gun and staring out at the vista beyond the cliff she’s sitting just shy of.

“Now, when has that ever worked?” Murphy chuckles as he completely ignores her, walking over and sitting next to her as if invited.

“Why can’t you ever do what you’re told?” Raven asks, wishing that it would sound more snarky and less whiny. But her voice betrays how pathetic she feels, and she can only hope Murphy is as oblivious to human emotion as he says he is.

“Oh, like you’re such a good little soldier yourself.” Murphy quips back, which, fair point. But Raven doesn’t have to admit that, at least not to him.

“What do you want, Murphy?” Raven asks hollowly. She really doesn’t have it in her for their normal back and forth.

“Other than the pleasure of your stimulating company?” She can see him turn to look at her out of the corner of her eye, but Raven doesn’t turn her own head. She keeps staring ahead, knowing how she must look, all puffy eyes and barely restrained tears. “Ugh, I guess some people are worried about you.”

He sounds so put upon by the concept, and Raven can’t help the bitter scoff that escapes her.  Where are they, then, all these people who are concerned about her? Not that she wants them, she reminds herself. She wants to be left alone, this pain is temporary, and it’s better this way.

Safer.

“So they sent you?” Raven asks the clouds, and Murphy sighs. Honestly, if it was Clarke and them, why would they send the least empathetic individual they all know to talk to her?

“Well, I-”

“Listen, Murphy, don’t bother.  I can take care of myself just fine.” She cuts him off, because she doesn’t want to hear it. She doesn’t want him here, she just wants him to leave her alone so she can go back to crying again.

“Well that’s clearly not true,” Murphy drawls, and Raven finally looks at him, if only to glare. But he’s looking at the sky now, tapping his fingers on his thigh, either nervous, or bored with the whole thing. Either way, he should just leave if he’s so uncomfortable.

“I’m fine,” Raven retorts, and Murphy looks over to level her with a look that clearly says he knows just as well as her how bullshit that statement is. Raven shakes her head, amending her words, “Well, I will be fine. I just- I just need to be alone for a bit.”

“No, you don’t,” Murphy says, probably just to be contrary. It sparks a little bit of anger in Raven, just enough to singe the heavy blanket of sadness clinging to her.

“Listen here, Murphy, you don’t even know what I’m going through, or what I need, so don’t pretend you have any say in this, and-” Raven rants with heat, and Murphy has the audacity to roll his eyes at her, “Seriously?!”

“Raven, for someone so smart, you’re so dumb sometimes. Of course I don’t know what you’re going through, because you never told me. Or anyone, actually, from what I can tell. But I don’t have to know what’s going on with you to know that you don’t have to be alone through it.” Murphy is oddly sincere, and Raven can feel her scrap of anger fading, and she’s afraid. Afraid of what might happen when it’s gone, if Murphy’s still here and her walls don’t hold. 

“Murphy, just go back to whoever sent you and tell them I’m not in any danger, okay?” Raven tries, as a last ditch attempt, and Murphy groans in frustration.

“No one sent me, Raven. It’s me, I’m the “some people” who are worried. Because I get it, okay? I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I know what it feels like, and it sucks. And being alone? That’s even worse. So you don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to, you can yell at me, or hit me, or whatever you need to do, but I’m not leaving you.”

The words aren’t kind or caring, and honestly Murphy kind of shouts them at her. But they’re real, she knows, because Murphy would never lie for anyone’s benefit but his own. Which means, for whatever reason, he actually cares, and that hits Raven like a tonne of bricks. All the air leaves her lungs, the fight leaves her body, and she doesn’t know what to do. Murphy, to his credit, doesn’t say anything else. He simply shrugs, leans back on his hands, and looks up at the sky again.

Raven is left with a choice. She can get up and leave, she can pretend she really is fine, or she can just... be. And it’s hard to stand, with the weight of the world crushing her, so she doesn’t leave. And honestly, she isn’t fine. She hasn’t been fine for a long time. Which means she takes the last option, and she’s not proud of it, but she’s not really ashamed either. She hugs her knees to her chest, and she cries, and Murphy just sits there. Eventually, when her sobs become sniffles, he rubs her back a little, without otherwise looking at her or saying anything. And it’s a little weird, yes, but the thing inside of her that is raw and bleeding feels like someone put a bandaid on it. It isn’t much, it certainly isn’t enough to fix it if the thing ever can be fixed, but it’s something.

And she isn’t alone.

[thegoodthebadthesickly]

Idk if youre taking requests or anything for the Bad Things Happening Bingo but like it would be amazing if you could do Hearthstone(MCGA) getting sick but he doesnt want to bother anyone(Blitz, Magnus, and Sam are all there, maybe theyre camping out or something???) so he hides and denies it until he pukes and passes out, so like... He cant deny it anymore??? Idk im whump trash lol.

Anonymous:

Hey uhm so I really love Hearthstone and it would mean the world to me if you'd maybe write a bit for this or just acknowledge this you amazing person! So uh... Hearthstone having a panic attack? Maybe, making it more angsty, Blitz does something that unintentionally reminds Hearth of his parents and...yknow all the shit hes gone through(POOR BABEY♡) Blitz, Magnus, and Sam being there and kinda not knowing what to do to help the poor elf boi?

Prompt- Panic Attack/Vomiting

Fandom- MCGA

Requested by Anonymous and @ironsoulfreakskeleton on Tumblr

I'm kind of breaking my own rule here, but the vomiting prompt was already filled. I still really wanted to do it though, so I hope you like it! Sorry this took so long, but I guess this pandemic is good for something!

TW: Referenced past abuse; Descriptions of vomit

@badthingshappenbingo

Stars are filled Swirls are requested

There were good days and bad days for Hearthstone. On the good days, he could see his friends, have a lunch date with Blitzen, or just hang out around his and Blitz's apartment.

On the bad days, it was harder. Everything about him was heavy and the anxiety made him feel as if his entire being was vibrating at an unnatural frequency.

After Hearth had met Blitz and Magnus, the bad days hadn't been as frequent, or as bad. There were more good days, but that just made the bad days worse. Hearth never knew when they were coming.

Hearth woke up early, not uncharacteristic of him, elves were hardwired to rise with the sun. As he lay in bed next to Blitzen, Hearth stared at the ceiling and waited as the gears in his brain started to turn. As they did, an all too familiar buzz set in, a tightness in his chest that wouldn't quite let him take a deep breath. A blanket of sadness settled over him. It was going to be a bad day.

Something in the back of Hearth's mind said that he should get up and get ready for the day. Something else argued back, why bother?  So, Hearth waited around, drifting in and out of sleep, for Blitz to wake up.

'Good morning.' Blitzen mouthed when he rolled over to see Hearth's eyes open.

Hearth just smiled, feeling like there was too much and not enough energy flowing through him.

Blitz cupped Hearth's face and smiled, using his other hand to make the sign for rise and shine before turning away and getting up himself.

Hearth knew he'd have to get up eventually, he'd promised Blitz help with a new shipment at the store. Just a few more minutes. Hearth let his eyes drift shut again. When he opened them again, it was to Blitzen putting a cool hand to his forehead.

'You okay' Blitz asked slowly, giving Hearth a chance to read his lips.

Hearth nodded. How was he supposed to explain this? It was just a-a feeling. He would be okay as long as nothing bad happened. He just needed this day to be over. Hearth got up and got dressed.

Hearth kept quiet most of the morning, just trying to get the shipment done so he and Blitzen could go home. He just wanted to go home.

He was putting a few jackets on the rack when he saw Blitzen arguing with the vendor about something. Hearth tried not to pay attention. When it came to his clothes, Blitzen was very particular. However, it did catch Hearth's attention when Blitzen gestured at him, an angry look on his face. Hearthstone had done something wrong. He'd done something wrong and now he'd pay for it.

A few agonizing minutes later, Blitz walked over and stood over Hearth for a moment. Hearth looked up and saw the same angry expression from earlier. His chest felt tight, he couldn't breath. He watched the vendors back as he left, whatever Hearth'd done must have shortened the work day.

'Lunch?' Blitz signed.

Hearth nodded, not really sure he had a choice.

They ended up at some Bistro with sandwiches in front of them that Hearth felt too nauseous to touch.

'What's wrong?' Blitz signed, noticing that Hearth hadn't touched his food. He'd felt warm this morning. Was he getting sick?

'Nothing' Hearth swallowed thickly. Odin, he just wanted this to be over already.

Blitz stuck a finger up, signalling that he'd be right back, and returned a moment later with a box for Hearth's untouched sandwich.

"You ready to go home?" Blitz asked when he was sure Hearth was looking at him.

Hearth nodded solemnly. Whatever was going on, he really must not feel well.

They packed up their lunches quickly and ducked into the alley beside the restaurant for Hearth to portal them home. Blitz grabbed Hearth's hand as they stepped through, seeing how bad he was shaking.

When they stepped back into their house, Hearth immediately wiggled out of Blitz's grasp and practically ran to their bedroom. Blitzen thought he might be getting sick, but when he walked into the room, Hearth was sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to the door, shaking.

Blitz walked over and put a hand on Hearth's shoulder, causing the elf to nearly jump out of his skin.

'What's wrong?' Blitz signed, holding eye contact with Hearth.

'I did something wrong' Hearth signed with trembling hands. He couldn't breathe. Everything was too bright, too loud.

'What?'

'The man. You were yelling. Yelling about me.' Hearth sobbed, nausea making him feel like he was on a particularly turbulent boat. He was going to be sick, but he was paralyzed.

Blitzen took a moment to think, then it hit him. The vendor. The vendor had been angry because he'd thought Hearthstone was one of the shop workers and, not knowing Hearth was deaf, had thought he was ignoring him. The vendor had come to Blitz yelling about hiring better help and how Hearth couldn't even be bothered to turn around, let alone answer his questions. That was as far as he'd gotten before Blitz had started yelling. He vaguely remembered something about gesturing towards Hearth.

"Hearth, honey,-" Blitz spoke and signed at the same time, but he was cut off as Hearth stood up, looking alarmed and tired at the same time and promptly vomited on the carpet in front of him.

Odin, he'd done it again. Hearth knew he should get something to cleanup his mess and take whatever punishment he deserved. He'd managed to make two messes today. Why couldn't he do anything right? He dropped to his knees and tried to breathe through the sobs as he used the end of his scarf to mop up the vomit.

Blitz was stunned into silence. He only managed to sit and stare for a moment before coming back to his senses.

"Hearth" Blitzen said, kneeling down and moving into Hearth's eye line, gently taking the soiled scarf from around the elf's neck.

"Honey, you've done nothing wrong." Blitz said with tears in his eyes, signing as best as he could with one hand, the other still gently holding Hearth's chin. "I would never punish you, even if you did do something wrong. You don't deserve any of this. No one deserves to be punished for something they can't control."

Blitz moved his hand down to put it on Hearth's chest, feeling his heartbeat.

'What's wrong?' Blitz asked, determined to get a real answer this time.

'Not yet. Can't'  Came Hearth's reply with a shaky breath.

'Okay.'  

"Go shower. I've got this" Blitz signed and spoke at the same time.

Hearth walked away to the bathroom and Blitz got to work cleaning up the vomit and trying not to become a mess. How could he have let Hearth go all day thinking he'd done something wrong. After everything he'd been through as a kid. Blitz knew better. He knew how Hearth worked.

By the time Hearth stepped out of the bathroom, skin red from the hot water and eyes bloodshot, he felt at least a little better. He didn't feel like he was about to be sick anymore, but he still had that guilt of having messed up curled around his stomach like a boa constrictor.

Hearth got dressed quietly, feeling Blitzen's eyes on him from the door way. When he was done, he sat down on the bed, on the opposite side of where he'd thrown up. He kept his eyes downcast as he felt the bed sink beside him, signalling that it was time to talk.

"Hearth," Blitz put his hand on Hearth's arm to get his attention. Once he was looking at him, he continued. "I should have told you what was happening today." Blitz signed as he spoke.

'Not your fault. Misunderstanding.' Hearth tried for a smile, but only managed a grimace.

"You're right. It was a misunderstanding, but I could have done my part to make it clear to you what was happening." Blitz sighed made a face before continuing. "However, you could have talked to me. You can always talk to me."

'I know. Scared.'

"Scared? Of me?"

'Father. Always my fault. Had to be punished.' Hearth cried.

'Not anymore. Never again.' Blitz signed, tears streaming down his face.  Blitz stopped to wipe the tears from Hearth's face before continuing. 'I love you'  he signed slowly, ensuring Hearth got the message.

'I love you, too.' Hearth signed back.

'Tired?' Blitz asked, seeing how Hearth's eyes drooped.

Hearth simply nodded, all of his energy gone.

'Nap?' Blitz signed.

Hearth nodded again, already putting his head down on the pillow. He was asleep within minutes. Blitz, on the other hand sat up watching his elf for a while longer, looking for any signs of distress. Seeing none, Blitz lay down to sleep as well, and if he held his elf a little tighter that night, neither of them seemed to mind.

[catradoramma]

Since im a prompt junkie i had a catradora one for you! How bout a not super angsty one. But like, Catra defects from the horde (taking scorpia and entrapta with her) they dont join the rebellion and adora hasnt seen or talked to catra for like..a few years. Que princess prom and catra/scorpia/entrapta showing up like the newly matured bosses they are. (Of course its gotta end with a catra/adora make up kiss xD)

Deca-Annual is Not Enough

A few years after the Horde had been defeated, Bright Moon hosts the deca-annual Princess Prom, and a few people Adora thought had died are decidedly not dead. 

hi, this prompt is perfect and i love it. I pumped this bad boy out in a couple of hours today. It is kind of angsty, but like, not in a bad way, you know?? idk. i hope you like it :))))))

| pareon | kofi | read it on ao3 | twitter |

Adora felt something heavy and proud bubble up in her chest as she looked around the ballroom at Bright Moon. Hundreds of princesses, princes, and non-binary royals danced, and chatted, and laughed in the room below. It was the first Princess Prom since the Horde was defeated a few years ago, and even though this was only technically the second Princess Prom Adora had attended, she knew it felt a lot lighter, and freer, and happier than the last one did.

Despite the happy atmosphere, however, Adora couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. Or rather, someone was missing.

There had been a handful of deaths since the beginning of the war, and while Adora was hesitant to say they’d been lucky…they’d been pretty lucky. Even if it felt like her heart was being crushed by their absences, Adora knew their loss of life could have been much, much higher.

“Hey Adora!” Glimmer appeared, a wall of glitter dissipating into the air as she approached. Adora’s heart clenched at the phrasing.

“Hey Glimmer,” Adora smiled. “Enjoying the party?”

Glimmer groaned, “Yeah, sure, if you count being sucked up to by almost a thousand royals fun.”

Adora laughed, “No wonder Frosta hated us during the last one.”

Glimmer rolled her eyes, “No wonder.” Glimmer shook her head lightly, “I’m surprised we didn’t get kicked out earlier, because I swear, if one more person says they just absolutely love my hair and my castle and my dress I’m going to punch a wall.”

Adora laughed, “Glimmer, I absolutely love your hair—”

Glimmer screamed playfully and pushed Adora, “You suck! You’re the worst! I hate you!”

Adora laughed and playfully deflected a few of Glimmers attacks. “Mercy, mercy,” Adora finally said after Glimmer managed to hit a few too many of Adora’s ticklish spots.

“You’re lucky you’re my best friend,” Glimmer laughed as she back off, “Otherwise I would have no choice but to finish you.”

Adora rolled her eyes, “I’m quaking in my boots.” The two girls laughed together, leaning on the balcony railing as they did. Adora passed her eyes over the crowd, hoping to catch a glimpse of wild brown hair and an adorable tail before she could stop herself.

Even five years after Catra’s disappearance and presumed death, Adora still couldn’t stop herself from looking for her.

Glimmer placed a hand on Adora’s arm, a sad smile on her face. “You know there’s still a chance—”

Adora shook her head and cut her off, “She’d dead, Glimmer.” Adora sent Glimmer a shaky smile, “I just forget sometimes.”

Glimmer’s smile wilted a bit more, “Adora—”

“No, Glimmer,” Adora pulled out of Glimmer’s hold, but not meanly. “She’s gone. She’s been gone. I can’t keep letting myself hope only to get let down, time and time again.”

Glimmer sighed and opened her arms. Adora walked into them and allowed herself to just be hugged. “I know, Adora,” Glimmer sighed into Adora’s shoulder, “I’m sorry.”

Adora didn’t say anything, she just pulled Glimmer in tighter. After a few beats, Adora pulled away, holding Glimmer by her shoulders. “Now, what do you say we go find Bow and have a good old fashioned Best Friend Squad dance party?”

Glimmer beamed, “I love that! Meet you on the dance floor, I have to make the announcement anyway.” Adora nodded and then Glimmer was disappearing in a poof of glitter.

Adora smiled and turned back over the balcony to look for Bow.

Adora’s heart stopped in her chest when instead she locked eyes with Catra.

Catra who just walked into the Bright Moon castle.

Catra who had been presumed dead for the last five years.

Her hair had been cut short, hanging just under her chin. The Horde-issued headband she used to wear was gone, replaced instead with adorable bangs that framed her face perfectly. One of her ears had been pierced, her face was somehow more angular, and her eyes were sharper, but she was still the most beautiful thing Adora had ever seen in her life.

“Catra,” Adora breathed, because that’s all she could do. Adora refused to blink, terrified that if she did, Catra would disappear again—just a figment of Adora’s imagination. “Catra,” Adora said again, he voice louder this time as she watched her move across the ballroom next to Scorpia and—and Entrapta?

It was almost like it was in slow-motion. People recognized the trio as they moved through the crowd, parting for them like they were some sort of etherial beings. Adora wanted to look for Perfuma—who had been so devastated by Entrapta’s death—but couldn’t tear her eyes away from Catra.

Adora wanted nothing more than to run to Catra’s side, to gather her in her arms and kiss her until she couldn’t kiss anymore. Adora wanted to touch her, to make sure she was real, to run her fingers through Catra’s hair feel the way Catra’s tangles caught them.

Adora wanted to wrap Catra up and never let her go again.

But her feet were glued to the ground, and her muscles were locked, and Adora had never frozen like this before. Even in the face of every horror and monstrosity she faced while battling the Horde, she had never frozen like this.

It seemed, even years after they last saw each other, Catra was still the exception.

“Adora!” Bow called, shaking Adora out of her trance. “Adora!” Bow’s voice was frantic and Adora reluctantly looked away from Catra.

Adora must have had a shellshocked look on her face—hell, she felt shellshocked. She felt hollow, like all of her insides had been scooped out of her, like her feeble supports had been kicked out from under her. Bow gathered Adora into his arms, “You saw her then?”

“Yeah,” Adora breathed, her arms coming up numbly around Bow’s back. “She’s real?” Her voice shook, terrified that Bow was going to say no. “She’s here?”

“Yeah,” he muttered into her hair, and Adora thought she was going to collapse. She probably would have if it weren’t for Bow’s arms around her. “Yeah, she’s really here.”

Adora sobbed, “I need—“ she choked on her own rising emotions, her body finally rebooting. “I need to see her.”

She pulled out of Bow’s embrace and tripped her way down to the ground floor. Adora was grateful that she’d decided to go with sandals again this time around and not heels like she had at Glimmer’s coronation. Adora messily worked her way through the crowd, getting to the front just in time to see the trio bow (as is Princess Prom custom) to a stunned Glimmer at the front of the ballroom.

Adora stumbled out of the crowd and up the stairs of the dias. She was distantly reminded of the first Princess Prom, and how Adora had stumbled up next to Catra then too. This time however, she turned to Catra, breathless, and mumbled her name in reverence instead of disdain.

Adora brought her hand up to touch, but hesitated, unsure if that was something that was allowed after all the time and pain between them

Catra smiled crookedly and Adora thought she was going to die, “Hey Adora.”

And that was it.

That was all it took before Adora let out a sob and pulled Catra into a bruising hug.

— . —

“So, we laid low in Scorpia’s kingdom,” Catra explained as they walked down the hallways at Bright Moon. Adora found it hard to look away from the other girl. She had changed so much in the past five years: her hair was shorter, and he seemed more mellow, somehow, and her ear was pierced.

“We knew it would be too hard to join the Rebellion, and being part of the Horde was no longer an option. I still wanted to fight, and Entrapta wanted to keep building things, and we all wanted to help, so we started doing undercover missions independently,” Catra went on.

Adora pursed her lips, “Why did you stay away for so long? I thought you were dead.”

Catra sighed and scratched the back of her head. “At first it was to keep the Horde off of us,” she cut her eyes toward Adora, “And I was angry still so I didn’t really want to see you.” Catra sighed and kicked an imaginary rock, “But the anger eventually went away and the war ended and…” Catra shrugged. “I didn’t really know what to say.”

“I’m sorry,” Adora said, because she didn’t know what else to say.

Catra sent Adora a fond smile because of course Catra knew. “You don’t have to be sorry. I know you’re a dumbass.”

“I’m sorry?” Adora said again.

Catra laughed and it sounded like music, “It’s okay. It’s part of your charm.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Adora said. It was supposed to be grumbled, but Adora was just so glad to see Catra alive and well that she couldn’t bring herself to be grumpy. Catra bumped her shoulder into Adora’s and they walked in a surprisingly comfortable silence for a few beats.

“Have you figured out what to say?” Adora finally asked.

Catra let out a little chuckle, “Not really,” she admitted. “But Scorpia thought it would be a good idea if we came,” Catra paused and shoved her hands into the pockets of her suit. “Scorpia had a couple of friends from before that she wanted to see, and Entrapta wanted to see how different things would be at a celebration post-Horde.”

“And what about you?” Adora asked.

Catra pursed her lips, “I guess…” she glanced at Adora, “I guess I wanted to see you.”

Adora’s heart fluttered, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Catra breathed, and it sounded like she’d been holding that in for a while. “I wanted to see you. I really wanted to see you.”

Adora stopped them from walking, turning Catra to face her. “Catra, I—” her voice cracked, “Catra, I missed you everyday. When news reached Bright Moon that you’d gone missing, I—” Adora swallowed. “It was the worst day of my life.”

Catra’s eyes finally met Adora’s and Adora hadn’t realized how much she needed that until just this second. Catra’s mis-matched eyes glittered under the shine of tears, the light from the crystal chandeliers bathing her in wonderful golden light.

“Adora,” Catra sighed, “I couldn’t—I didn’t—” her voice stuttered and she closed her eyes, a single tear falling. Adora wiped it away and Catra’s eyes fluttered open. “I was so angry, Adora. I didn’t want to say something I’d regret, and hiding from you was so much easier than facing you.”

Adora shook her head, “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Catra.”

“I do,” Catra said, “I do. Scorpia says that I have to verbalize my feelings. I can’t just hold it in anymore.” Catra levelled Adora with a stare, “I need to tell you this.”

Adora nodded after a few beats. “Okay,” she nodded again, “Okay, I’m listening.”

Catra sighed and nodded again. “I missed you, Adora. I missed you every day, but when you left you broke my heart. And then we were literal enemies for years.” She looked away briefly. “When we were with the Horde, I always felt like I was never enough. Never enough for you, never enough for Shadow Weaver, never enough for the team. And when you leaved you proved me right.

“Well, no, you proved Shadow Weaver right, because she was the only one who thought I wasn’t enough. And I think that was the worst part. Because as long as you were there, I was enough for you.” Catra sighed. “That’s why I never joined you back then.”

“I—” Adora started, then stopped. “I never meant for you to feel like that.” Then Adora laughed, “But I was an idiot. I honestly never knew what the Horde was doing, and I never realized how back Shadow Weaver was to you. I never knew there was anything better beyond they Fright Zone.” Adora wiped a tear off of her own cheek. “And I’m so sorry I didn’t get you out of there sooner.”

“It’s—” Catra cut herself off, “I forgive you.”

Adora smiled and threaded her fingers through Catra’s.

“I have to say, your entrance was pretty dramatic,” Adora teased.

Catra rolled her eyes, “Did you expect anything less?”

“I shouldn’t have,” Adora laughed. They stared at each other for a few beats, Adora just drinking in the sight of Catra before her. “You look amazing. I love the piercing.”

Catra smirked and her ear twitched, “It was Scorpia’s idea.” She brought her other hand up to fiddle with the earring. “You look pretty nice, too. You’ve got the whole princess thing down pat by now, huh?”

Adora laughed a little, a little pang going through her at the mention of Scorpia. “Yeah, I guess I do,” Adora smoothed one of her hands down the front of her dress. Adora cleared her throat and licked her lips, “Are you and Scorpia together?”

Catra sent Adora an extremely confused look, “What?”

Adora ducked her head and looked away as she felt her face grow warm. “Are you two—” she cleared her throat, “You know, together? Like—dating.”

“What?” Catra said again, “Dating? No!” Catra blushed and rubbed her palms on her pants. “We’re—she’s like my sister, oh my god.”

Adora sighed, a feeling of relief rushing through her so intense Adora thought she might need to sit down. “Oh, cool, yeah, sorry.”

“Why would you even ask that?” The fur on Catra’s tail was standing up, and Adora really missed that.

Adora chuckled, “I just—you were talking a lot about her, and I just thought maybe you two were—”

“Well we’re not so stop talking about it, oh my god,” Catra sounded mortified and it was kind of funny. Adora hid her giggles behind her hand.

“Why are you laughing at me?” Catra hissed.

“You’re just—” Adora gestured at Catra, “I missed you. I missed this.”

Catra blushed more, her ears standing straight up. “Yeah, well—” Catra twitched her ears down, “I missed this, too.”

They stared at each other for a few beats before Adora said, “I love you.” The words slipped out, but they felt right. Adora would never take them back, even if Catra didn’t want them.

Catra’s shoulders relaxed, and a slow smile curled over her face. “I love you, too.”

And when they kissed, it felt like going home.

[rhaenyratargayen]

Heartbroken

Dick Grayson x Reader

summary: a sad breakup between Dick and Reader

Words: 1451

a/n: this is the first thing ive written in a long time (and of course its sad, lol) idk if ill continue to write, but for now i just had an idea and wanted to try it out :) feedback is appreciated.

A small clap from the closing of your laptop filled the silent air. A sigh from your lips followed shortly after. The darkness of the room seemed to capture the silence delicately, shifting your mood on the gloomy side.

Rubbing your temples with your thumb and middle finger, you shut your eyes and relaxed your face - hoping to decrease the annoying ache pulsing through your head.

Shifting your body to lay on your right side, you tossed your hand over to the night table beside your bed to unlock your phone, checking the time. The time read '8:30', which you could've guessed by the darkening sky outside your curtain covered window.

Your gaze remained on the phone for a moment longer. The thin white numbers held a contrast to your lock screen, a blurry photo of a boy smiling against a dark background. A close lipped smile appeared on your lips, yet was quickly replaced with an ache to your chest.

Locking your phone, you tossed your comforter to the side and stood. Muttering a curse, you squeezed your eyes shut as the lightheadedness floated away and your eyesight returned to normal. Starting a journey away from your bed, your ankles popped at the beginning of movement, your feet chilling against the wooden floor, as you made your way towards the door and exited your bedroom.

Laughter filled the air, along with a blinding light of the hallway, a big difference from your darkened room. You followed the sound of the laughter, rounding the corner and found yourself in the kitchen where the source of laughter sat - pink locks shifting against her toned, dark back, petite hand covering her laughter filled mouth, green eyes squinted.

You exhaled and swallowed thickly at the person across from the alien princess, your brunette boyfriend, a.k.a. - the cause of Kori's laughter.

The two were engaged in a one-on-one conversation, thought not many words were exchanged through the continuous giggles.

Shaking your head a bit, you journeyed past the two. Not even a small hello escaped your lips, you simply walked by and towards the fridge behind them. Once you opened the door, the pair's laughter seemed to die down, they had noticed your presence but wrapped up their conversation.

You pulled out the orange carton of orange juice and shut the fridge door. Moving to the other side of the kitchen, you set the carton on the countertop and opened the tall cabinet door above it. Pursing your lips, you glanced around for a glass to fit your size of choice. Spotting one on the top shelf, you lifted yourself onto your toes in order to reach the glass, yet had no luck. Lowering yourself and exhaling, you returned to your previous position, this time using your other hand to push off the counter, elevating you a slight inch or two. Just as you thought you had reached the glass, a tanned hand came into view, easily taking the glass from the top shelf and holding it in front of you.

Another breath escaped your lips as your feet returned flat on the ground. You looked down at the glass being handed to you, and back up to the face of the owner of the hand. Dick stood staring down at you, a brow quirked, and accompanied with a half grin, half smirk.

You grinned back, "Thank you." You mumbled, and took the glass from his hand. As you unscrewed the cap to the orange juice, a small kiss was placed upon your cheek, which soon transformed your grin into a full blown smile.

"Hey," Dick's voice gained your attention, turning your gaze towards him, "Kori and I were gonna go see a movie, do you wanna come?"

Your stomach tightened, along with your chest. You coughed, and cleared your throat before answering, "Um, no I'm good... you guys go ahead."

Kori slightly pouted, jutting her bottom lip out, "Come on it'll be fun, I don't mind being a third wheel." She giggled.

You almost choked on your orange juice, coughing again before setting the glass down. If anything, you'd be the third wheel.

"Seriously, you guys go. I'm not feeling that well anyway." You lied straight through your teeth and forced a smile at Kori.

She pursed her lips and nodded. Smiling briefly at Dick, she left the kitchen and escaped down the hallway.

Once Dick was sure Kori was away, he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the counter, opposite the one you stood against. He faced you, but your back was turned to him. He waited a moment, awaited you turning to face him, to see his straight faced expression and quirked brow, but you never did. You stood still, looking down at the marble countertop, tracing it with your pointer finger, occasionally taking a sip of your orange juice until the glass was empty.

Clearing your throat, you took the empty glass and set it down in the sink. Turning on your heels, you began walking out of the kitchen, your gaze lying straight ahead of you. As you passed Dick, a hand grabbed your bicep, lightly tugging you, turning your body around.

Dick looked down at you, head tilted to the side, eyes slightly squinted, studying your demeanor.

"Hey," He mumbled, in attempt to get your attention, "what's wrong?" He continued, a little louder this time.

"I told you, I don't feel well... I'm just tired." You shrugged, glancing up to lock eyes with him before quickly retreating your gaze and attempting to leave the room again.

Dick stopped you again, this time grabbing your wrist, "Y/N, you know I'm not gonna fall for that, tell me what's really going on."

"Dick," You warned, "Not right now." Pulling your hand from his grasp, you started walking away for the third time.

"Did I do something wrong?" You stopped and sighed, gaze dropping to your socks.

"I don't know." You mumbled. Dick heard it though, even with your back faced to him he understood every word.

"Please tell me," He begged and moved to face you, "What did I—"

"Do you have feelings for Kori?"

Dick froze. His hands fell limp at his side. His mouth ran dry and closed, followed by a thick swallow. Eyes dropping from your gaze to the floor, or anywhere but your own eyes.

Your chest tightened, ribs aching from the pain occurring behind them. You mirrored Dick's action and swallowed thickly, squinting your stinging eyes shut for a second, and opening them to reveal Dick still avoiding your gaze.

"I knew it." Your words were quiet, soft, yet harsh. Slick like silk, yet sharp.

By the time your feet started moving, a few tears had already skipped down your cheeks. Your shoulders were heavy, thighs burned from dragging your feet that evidently did not want to move. Your brain cursed you, ordered you exit the room, but your heart tugged against the reins.

"Please don't hate me." Dick's broken voice was that of a child, who had just been let down or rejected. It stung your chest, as your eyes fluttered shut and another tear escaped.

"I — you can't help who you fall for." You choked out, "I just wish you would've told me."

Two hearts shattered, one of self hatred and one of heartbreak.

The tension of the room was suffocating. Your lungs yearned for oxygen, but the supply was broken, scared and self loathing. It had broken itself.

You wanted to escape the room, jump back into your bed and wake up from a nightmare that seemed to be real. But when you pinched your arm you felt it, your heart was already broken, the damage was already done.

"Y/N, I still love you."

"Well you can't have us both." Your once soft voice turned dark, angry.

"Please," Dick begged, followed by a pause, "let me explain."

You scoffed, "Explain what?" arms crossing over your chest, "Don't make this harder than it has to be, Dick."

"I didn't mean to — I'm sorry."

Your heart jumped against your bones, reaching through your ribs to the boy who broke you heart, yet stood broken before you.

"I can't."

Soft footsteps carried your tired body out of the kitchen. Dick remained, stunned. His heart was frozen in his chest, along with his feet to the floor. His mind went blank, the last few minutes still processing through his cloudy mind. The pain in his chest very evident, loudly breaking in his ears over and over again as his brain exploded with many thoughts of all he did wrong.

He messed up, and he was his own living reminder.

[babykpopsweets]

My Perfect Attempt

| anon requested |

Genre —> fluff

pairings —> inseong x reader

Summary —> You and Inseong like each other a lot! But you are shy and awkward with him and comfortable with Rowoon. This misleads him to jump to the conclusion of you liking Rowoon. He gets jealous and sad about it until he finally tells you how he feels.

—————————————————————

You finished paying for what you bought then you took the bag handed to you. Rowoon, your greatest friend, right next to you like always.

“Thanks for waiting for me again!” You thank him as you both began to walk out of the mall.

“Usually I would say no problem but I feel this time around you need to repay me back.” Rowoon softly laughed at the dumbfounded expression.

“Well what is it? What do you want?”

“For you to finally come to the dorms. To see your hubby.”

“no. You know how awkward I am with him. Why in the world would you suggest that?”

“I didn’t suggest it. You are coming to SF9 dorms today. Willing or by force. Your choice.”

“Sometimes I swear you just like to bully me… and I am really going to hate myself for awhile for this but um I’ll go willing.”

“YES! I knew you wanted to come. Inseong has been dying to see you.”

“Stop lying. It’s already bad I am going to the dorms to face my one sided love with Inseong.”

“We’ll see”

Rowoon and you kept the conversation alive as you made you way to his dorm. The second he opened the door for you to enter you felt very scared. Not because it was a boys dorm or because Inseong was there. You were scared you were going to mess up. Not only infront of Inseong but in front of any of the members. Rowoon took off his shoes and switfly put on his slippers. Luckily you bought slippers just now in the mall so you did the same thing.

While you walked in all the members greeted you except one person, Inseong. He was about to walk in the kitchen but he saw you and turned around to head back to his room. You mistook this as he didn’t want to see you. You turned your head to look at Rowoon with ‘I told you so’ sad eyes.

“Don’t worry Y/N! I told you to come here for a reason and that reason is to finally make something happen between you two. He likes you but he is just a little shy like you.” Rowoon softly said next to your ear.

Inseong came in at that moment.

The moment with you near Rowoon. Rowoon whispering something in your ears. This moment made it looked like you two were more then friends. You noticed thought that he had changed clothing from when you had first entered. He must’ve just went to go get changed to something better not to avoid you.

You were happy that he wasn’t avoiding you. He sighed at the image of you and Rowoon together. He greeted you both and sat on the couch.

“What movie we watching hyungs??” Chani hurried his way to the couch and sat right next to Inseong.

“Don’t know. Maybe we should have Rowoon pick because he never picks it!” Youngbin looked at Rowoon waiting for a response.

“Lets watch the spongebob movie idk!” Rowoon and you both laughed at his silly respone.

Inseong took note of it. You seem so-so…so you when your with Rowoon. Which is completely the opposite when you’re with him. It hurts him real bad to know of this. Its the truth though. Everyone knows the truth hurts sometimes.

“Any who oppose?!” Dawoon shouted getting the movie ready on Netflix.

No one said anything against it.

“The Spongebob movie it is!”

Dawoon put it to play while the rest of you guys got comfortable. Of course Rowoon pushed you down to sit next to Inseong and you did. With Inseong on your left you pleaded to sit on your right. Feeling bad for you, he obliged to it and sat next to you.

The movie started and you could feel the tension. Between you and Inseong but you just brushed it off because there was 8 other people around.

“Talk to him…” Rowoon whispered in your ear.

“Shut up.” You whispered back.

Rowoon laughed at how defensive you got when he suggested talking to Inseong. Inseong turned his head to the both of you. Seeing both of you laughing silenty together made his heartache in pain. Why not him?

Your eyelids became heavy as the movie went on. You were so sleepy for some reason. Rowoon took notice and right when you were falling asleep he gave pushed your head on to Inseong’s shoulder. He jumped slighty at the sudden contact. Then he saw your sleeping figure. Your beautiful facial features. Nothing could compare to this perfect moment. It took him a second before he became comfortable.

The movie finished. Rowoon shook you awake softly. You opened your eyes and looked him and then at Inseong. In the speed of light, you picked your head off his shoulder. You were delighted to see him fast asleep.

“Aw~ he looks so cute” You whispered to yourself, forgetting Rowoon could hear you.

“Stop fangirling and lets go to my room. I’ve got to show you something.”

You got up from the couch and follow Rowoon to his room. He told you to sit on his bed while he got the thing he wanted to show you so badly. He came back with a picture in his hand. He gave it to you to look at. It was a picture of you and Inseong together.

“This is always in his room. I guess you could say this proof. He even has heart stickers around you!”

“Thank you Rowoon but until he says anything I don’t think I believe that.”

~~

Inseong woke up 10 minutes after you. He saw that your presence wasn’t there neither was anybody else. He got up off the couch and searched for you. He was walking past Rowoons room when he heard your angelic voice. You are always with Rowoon. If you never spent time with Inseong how was he ever suppose to confess? Then it hit him. He can’t just sit around waiting for you to come to him. He had to confess to you. Today. Right now. Quickly he fixed himself up and knocked on Rowoon’s door.

You both looked towards the door as Inseong quietly entered. He looked at the both of you a bit hesitant to say anything.

“Can I speak to you Y/N? Just for a quick second.” He finally spoke looking you in the eyes.

“Yeah sure. I’ll be right back Rowoon.”

Inseong takes you to the kitchen where no one was at. It took him a second to prepare himself for the confession he was about to do. He let out a big sigh then began speaking again.

“Y/N you are always hanging out with Rowoon so I think you like him. Thats kind of why I am doing this. Not because you like him but because I know if I don’t do it now I never will and it’ll always burden me.” Inseong stated with his eyes locked on yours to see your change in expression.

“Inseong???”

“Y/N I like you. A lot a lot to be honest. If you don’t like me back it’s fine. You shouldn’t have to date me out of pity. If you reject me though I want you to know that it’ll take me some time to get over this. So please understand?”

“Oh my…”

“I knew. You don’t like me I am sorry.” Inseong begin to turn around but something stopped him.

You.

“No! Inseong I like you a lot too. Rowoon is just my friend he is the one who has been helping me all this with my crush on you. You are the reason Rowoon made me come over today.”

“Oh. OH! So wanna go on a date tomorrow? 7:00 pm??”

“Sounds great!”

“HAAHAAH I TOLD YOU HE LIKED YOU.” A voice yelled from a firgure behind the two of you.

Rowoon and the rest of the members.

“Ew. Somebody likes Inseong? I can’t believe you’ve gone this low Y/N.” Chani sighed smacking his forehead.

“Shut up ya nut. They are cute pies.” Dawoon insisted smacking Chani’s chest.

“ArE wE jUsT gOiNg To IgNoRe ThAt ThIs HaPpEnEd RiGhT aFtEr We WaTcHeD tHe SpOnGeBoB?!?” Jaeyoon asked to everyone in the room.

“Gosh you are really annoying -.-“ Zuho was the first to leave because of Jaeyoon.

“I think we should leave them alone. ;)” Taeyang smirked while looking at you two.

“AH! We should I don’t want to see things that shouldn’t be seen.” Hwiyoung faked a gag as he left the room with Taeyang.

“YAH! WHAT HAVE YOU TWO BEEN WATCHING?!” Youngbin yelled towards them.

Both you and Inseong just let out a giggle at how much of a mess his members were.

~~~~~~

Okay so this was type a crappy like always :,) but you know I put my best effort into this. Please show this blog, our other writing pieces, and our other blog ( @chuppa-chumps ) much love.

Love you guys ❤️❤️❤️

-admin Jamz.

[canaryatlaw]

okay, so, today. I accidentally slept in way longer than originally intended, which I guess is the risk you run when you don’t set an alarm, but I mean I woke up a few times before that and just didn’t want to get up yet so I fell back asleep, so it wasn’t like I was completely out of control on the issue. but yeah, I ended up waking up at 5 pm 😂😂😂 I probably didn’t get to bed until 3 last night, but still, it’s been a while since I’ve slept 14 hours. so I got up and made m&m pancakes, cuz of course, and accidentally made a gigantic one when I was like oh there’s not much batter left I’ll just pour it all and it ended up being much bigger than expected lol. So I did that then went on my computer while I was eating for a bit. No grades posted today, though it’s still probably early for classes where there was an exam final, I’m just very impatient lol and would like final confirmation that I’m done for good (I mean, realistically I know I didn’t flunk anything, but I’d like to be sure of it, even if I get a crappy grade in Secured Transactions, as long as it’s passing it’s going to be reduced to a two digit GPA on my resume anyway so it really doesn’t matter). A bit before 7 I moved over to the couch because I knew the Riverdale season finale was on at 7. I didn’t however realize that I was yet to catch up on last week’s episode (because I was taking a final last Wednesday night), so when it started and I realized that I was like WHOOPS because oh boy did I miss a lot. I had seen a spoiler on here regarding Betty’s dad so I knew that was coming, which seemed to be one of the big ones. but like, that plotline, holy shit???? like where the fuck did that come from?? don’t get me wrong, I’ve legit always hated Betty’s dad (and sometimes her mom too but she’s been alright lately) but this was just super extra lol and I’m just like why weren’t you going around murdering people last year when they were all being incestuous sinners?? sigh. I watched the finale and then went back and watched last week’s, and it was funny because I felt like it really climaxed in last week’s episode and tonight’s was more of a wrap up, which isn’t traditionally how it’s done, but I guess it worked pretty well for them. I appreciate that Veronica has seemingly turned against her parents entirely at this point because they’re pretty evil fuckers, and idk what to make of the development at the very end of the finale, but I’m not very convinced it’s going to be a major plot next season, more likely just something that will be easily fixed in the first couple episodes. So yeah, I keep watching this show even though I think it’s kind of ridiculous, it is at least entertaining. we didn’t get to go to Riverdale Con because we were dumbasses and didn’t buy tickets before they sold out (😂😂) but I still have Archie’s varsity jacket and have vaguely Archie like hair so maybe we can do a Riverdale cosplay photoshoot at some point. After I finished those two episodes I finally got around to watching last week’s Krypton. Not it’s most engaging episode, kind of exposition heavy. The ending with Ona was pretty gutting, and I’m glad to see Dev is still alive at least and hopefully no longer being mind controlled by Brainiac. I felt bad for Adam a lot last episode so it was good to see him gaining a bit more traction this episode and kind of getting more backstory on how he got here. I found the conversations between General Zod and Jayna-Zod rather interesting, regarding putting family before loyalty to a cause, and the differences in their viewpoints depending on how they were raised. It sucks that the first season is already almost over, but I’m glad we’re getting a second. After that I watched more of The Good Place, which I ended up finishing through the end of the current episodes. It’s such a well-written and well-executed comedy that really consistently hits its marks when it comes to its jokes. At this point I went back to my recorded tv menu only to realize I had totally spaced on the fact that Designated Survivor was on tonight, and it was the fucking season finale ffs, so I started that immediately. I’m still rather pissed off that it didn’t get renewed for a third season because it’s really just such a well done show and it deserved more than this. The episode was pretty good, I can’t say I fully understand or agree with the supposed forces closing in on Kirkman because of choices he made when he really hasn’t done anything that could be considered outrageous or wrong, even, so that didn’t quite ring true to me. I guess though if they were setting up Emily to leave anyway then I’m a little bit glad they didn’t get a third season, because tbh I wouldn’t want to watch the show without her in it (I would still watch it, but I wouldn't be happy about it). Italia’s just such a sweetheart and I think she really brought a lot to the show. The whole tsunami plot was pretty well done, smart of them to place Lyor and Seth there to really pull on the personal stakes. The Hannah plot was interesting, I guess we’ll never get to see the repercussions of her deciding to just shoot the bad lady, and I am kind of sad we didn’t get to see her and Amy running around as a power duo, because that would be pretty epic. And yeah, after that I pretty much started getting ready for bed, and I’m hoping I won’t have too much trouble falling asleep because I do have to be up by 11:45 am (not really early, I know, but still) for PT so being up super late would not be helpful, and I have to wake up early on Friday for my first day at the DV clinic so I’d rather not be overtired. So I guess that’s about it, tomorrow is PT, probably some baking, and hopefully making some progress on actually cleaning my room and sorting clothing, both of which I need to accomplish in the near future. But yeah, should be good. Goodnight my dearies. Sweet dreams. 

[felicityb-reviews]

Review Roundup - Week 1 January 2018

Hello babies!! Welcome to your debut Review Roundup for Week 1 of January 2018!!! I'm really excited to launch this series, because while I do love doing reviews, sometimes the only thing I can say about a song is "I like it, it was good". I also wanted a place I could spotlight releases from less popular acts (or even less conspicuous releases, sometimes) who don't exactly have 2309342 million fandom pages. This is a great way to combine that, I guess.

Before we begin, some ~rules~

For a song to eligible, it has to have an official video. Even if it's basically some shit an intern made in Final Cut Pro in five seconds, before uploading it. I just need to know that it's an ~official~ release.

No OSTs!! 90% of them are dry ass ballads, and I do not have the time, sis!! No OSTs!! /Edna Mode voice

And on that note, I might choose to skip a certain release, because I have nothing to say about it. Or nothing nice that isn't constructive criticism.

Yes, each video has a Rating™. Do not get hung up on said Rating, cause it's basically meaningless; it's just an arbitrary number based on how much I liked the particle song, mixed with how well I thought the song was written.

Just like with my Feature Spotlights, the blurbs here are just my opinion, sis. Please do not get hung up on what some gay bitch on the Internet has to say about your fave. I'm hella arrogant, but my words are not of God.

So now that we got that out of the way (Even though I'm 90% sure some bitch is gonna try my ass), our list begins with...

Grown Up (Soyou)

Grown Up is pretty standard fare for a Starship ballad. The company has always submerged themselves in RnB and Gospel sensibilities, and it shows here. Miss Soyou takes us to church with Grown Up. A very nice song which I appreciate, but will probably not listen to much, unless I'm in a Ballad Bitch™ mood.

Rating - 3.5/5

TRCNG - Wolf Baby

"Ooh bitch... You mighta just did something there"

That was my first reaction to Wolf Baby, fam. I was ready and willing to write the song off, because the teaser did not show it off in the best light (it sounded like a demo of Hyosung's Into You, according to a friend) and the visual was more of the boys showing off their dance skill. Which is never a bad thing... Except when it's literally the same shit we've seen 20 million times from similar boy bands. But Wolf Baby delivers in full. Unlike the God awful Spectrum which takes after B.A.P in the worst of ways, Wolf Baby sounds and feels more like a Secret song (which sounds a lot better than you think it would). Wolf Baby shows that these boys have personality that can translate to the music, and Lord knows we need more of that in K-pop boy bands. I'm so tired of being charmed by these boys in variety, but utterly bored by their music.

Rating - 4/5

Think about (Seo Ji An featuring KLANG)

Lissen... Whoever wrote this song needs to give me a refund. That intro had me thinking this was gonna a bombastic radio ballad. Like, they were about to hit me with that Ryan Tedder throwback shit. But instead, all I got was soft falsetto and a limp piano line.

Talk about a boner killer, sis.

But once I got over myself (and the song started to pick up), I realized that it was actually pretty nice. Nothing I'd put into heavy rotation, but this would be good shuffle bait.

(Sidenote - if anyone can find me anything on the female vocalist, KLANG, I will give you a hug and a cookie, because I really liked her voice)

Rating - 3/5

XOXO (Soyeon of LABOUM x Park Jae Jung)

We're getting a jump start on the Springtime love duets, I see. I can't say I'm entirely mad, tho. XOXO, like Seo Ji An's Think about, falls within a category of songs I like to call shuffle bait. They're not terrible songs, but they're also not ones I feel obligated to put on heavy rotation. They're good for those days when you don't know what you wanna listen to or need some soft background sounds, so you put your music on shuffle. Not a category one should aspire to be in, but not one to be mad at for falling into, either.

I'm very happy that Global H made this a duet, cause Soyeon's overly bright tone could have tired out the ears very easily if she had to sing this by herself. And not only that, but Park Jae Jung provides a nice foil to Soyeon's voice with his smooth tone. All in all, a very nice song.

Rating - 3.5/5

Honey Tea (OOHYO)

Miss OOHYO is givin us a little Bassa Nova in her Honey Tea, you guise!!

Honey Tea is another shuffle bait song that almost makes it in the Heavy Rotation camp with it's interesting choice of instrumental interludes; but alas, she doesn't quite make the cut. There's something about the production here that doesn't quite mesh right; the song elements don't meld into one another like they should, especially with such ~agreeable~ (for lack of a better word) elements as these. This song is really nice for what it is (the melancholic atmosphere nice for those days when you just wanna brood like an angsty teenager), but I needed just a little bit more.

Rating - 2.5/5

Like Paradise (Kriesha Chu)

Something tells me that Future Bass is going to be everywhere in Kpop this year like Tropical House was last year, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. On one hand, you have Svt's Don't Wanna Cry and LONG:D x Kim Doyeon's All Night that are masterfully made songs. But then you have BTS's Best of Me and Kriesha Chu's Like Paradise, both of which are so fucking beige it makes me wanna slam my face into a wall. And it's really sad because, unlike Best of Me, Like Paradise starts out with a great verse. But then the prechorus goes right into generic territory with a chorus that's so anybody, it's almost frightening.

Kriesha Chu exploded onto the scene with a familiar formula in Trouble, but she did enough to make it her bitch, so idk what happened here. A friend mentioned that she feels as though she's heard this melody fifteen times, and I wouldn't be surprised if she has. This song isn't bad, but it don't got no soul. Which is a shame, because Miss Kriesha Chu has plenty to go around.

Rating - 2/5

Blah (Planetarium Case #1)

Now this is a song that took me by surprise. I was not expecting that Tropical style beat to kick in when the verse started, but I mean... Y'all know how I am with anything and everything Tropical inspired. And then they had the nerve to combine that heaux with RnB style instrumation?!?!!

Bitch...

I wanna be mad at how much I like this song. I really do. I wanna care about how the vocalist's voice is a touch too bright and whiny for that kind of vocal processing (it's faint, but it's there). I wanna feel some type of way about how that kind of vocal processing isn't really suited to this type of song. I would like to have some kind of critique here, but everything just slots together in a way that I can ignore the little things I don't care for.

Sis, idk how these underground labels know me well enough to make such targeted attacks against me like this, but I'm not mad. In fact, I'm very okay with that if I get to walk away with songs like Blah. Can we get more of this, instead of Future Bass or whatever other kooky trends are gonna rule K-pop this year?!?!!

Rating - 4/5

Foresight Dream (Younha)

Hello, Miss Younha!! It's nice to see you giving us something other than classical ballads like some kind of Baek JiYoung knockoff.

...was that mean?!?!!? Okay yeah, that was mean. Oh whatever, it isn't like other people weren't thinking it.

Copious amounts of shade aside, I'm been very here for what Younha has been doing, musically, since Get It. She's swapped out the ballads for a more RnB/Pop sound that's very in line with what the K-RnB World has been doing lately, and I couldn't be happier. Foresight Dream is a dreamy piano driven song that's a bit too downtempo in groove to qualify as an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo, but still has enough drive to feel like it's actually going somewhere. And Younha's voice sounds amazing. She's got a voice very similar to Alice from HV's, but Younha has more depth to her tone. All in all, a very magical experience.

One critique I have (and it's not even of the music) is that I'd have liked if Younha had released Foresight Dream before the GroovyRoom produced Parade. With the way Parade followed the ph-1 assisted Hello, I had assumed that she was done releasing songs. But with Foresight Dream coming after those two, it kind feels like it dampens her momentum. Idk, I'm just being a picky bitch.

Rating - 4/5

wewantourmoneyback (Giriboy)

*sigh*

This nigga talmbout how he want his money back, but I want my fucking time back from listening to this hot mess.

Okay, let me roll back the shade for a second. This song really isn't that bad. I've heard F A R worse from the likes Jay Park, Zico, and Dok2. But dude, this is a touch too fucking generic for a winter release. You couldn't have saved this for summer?!?!? When niggas is actually trynna shake they ass to generic trap beats?!?!

To be honestly, I'm tired of hearing these kinds of songs in K-HipHop. Especially from dudes who have tones like Giriboy. Their voices are whiny as fuck all, and these kinds of beats usually have a lot of higher tones in the mix (for those who are too bougie to listen to trap, producers typically use high, tinny synths as the main instrument in trap beats), so it's just a headache in the making. It's already hard enough to make a trap song without it sounding too repetitive, but these fools have truly tired me out with this genre. I can't even think of something to say about this song, cause it's just so generic.

Rating - 1/5

Paint Me (Mamamoo)

I'm sorry... MamaWHOMST?!?!?!!

Jokes aside, I'm not quite sure how I feel about this song. Mamamoo is a group that I once loved, but all that went sour when they decided to do blackface in concert (and then post a BTS video of getting into costume for said stage a week after posting an apology). And if I'm being honest here, their only good songs are You're The Best and Piano Man. I stanned for their other tracks for the culture; I liked what they did with the songs live. I didn't really listen to them, but tis the life of a K-Pop stan.

In retrospect, it's quite interesting how Mamawhomst Mamamoo haven't promoted a big power ballad like Paint Me before. The instrumentation is basic as all fuck, but it allows emphasis to be put on their vocals. Which are half the reason Mamawhomst Mamamoo survived Nugudom, in the first place. But as great as their voices are in this song, it just doesn't go anywhere. It throws you from one extreme to the other, and then ends. It's hella polarizing, and not something I really wanna put myself through with repeated listens.

Rating - 2.5/5

A Day I Want To Love (HEYDAY featuring Lim Eun Young)

A Day I Want To Love is a very typical classical ballad, and while that usually has me running for the hills, I decided to give it a chance. And I mean, this isn't a song that I'd put into Heavy Rotation, but it'd fit in very nicely with all the songs I download to use as shuffle bait. I'd also quite like to hear this sung live. Idk, I just feel like it'd come off better that way.

Rating - 3/5

OGZ (Jo Woochan x Park Hyunjin x Achillo)

I don't understand this song.

That's not to say that it's bad. The beat reminds me of wewantourmoneyback, but GroovyRoom decided to make a more interesting remix of it. And the boys all hand in amazing verses. But idk, yo. This song just feels weird as all fuck.

Rating - 4/5

Missing You (VOISPER)

How fitting that this is the song that closes out the main list week. Missing You is another lowtempo shuffle bait track (the mood for this week, apparently), but this time around, we get some horns in the mix. Which I greatly appreciate, because without them, this song would have been extremely boring. VOISPER have nice voices, but their technique is kind of sloppy. And I don't usually sweat shit like that, but it's really noticeable here.

Rating - 3/5

The Fabulous Five

So... You've made it to the end of the post (thank you, btw), and are now wondering what in the actual fuck a Fabulous Five are. Well, it's simply a fancy title (because your bitch is hella dramatic) for my favorite songs of the week. In fact, if you payed any mind to the (badly made) gifs at the top of the post, you'd notice they're from the following videos. Anyway, there's no real metric for what goes here, just songs that I stan a lot.

5. Lower (f(Amber+Luna))

MY WIG!!

MY QUEENS!!

M Y W I G!!

Lower is God tier, sis. I've read a few people's reviews of the song, and the one thread of commonality between them all is that Lower is generic and not worthy of the f(x) brand. And while I'm not gonna sit here and act like Lower isn't something I'd expect to hear at a European gay club (or any gay club for that matter), I really like what Amber and Luna did with this song.

I also think that Lower should be considered a performance piece above all. I view EXO's Monster this way - I don't care for the song by itself, but I'm hype as fuck when there's an accompanying visual. Amber and Luna could have made this beat their bitch (Luna certainly has the vocal chops for it, and Amber could have done ha thing with a lil rappy rap), but the main focus of the song is the breakdown. And they dance for their fucking lives to said breakdown.

I can't tell you if I'd have liked this song so much from another duo in K-Pop or if I'd have liked it if it didn't come with a video, but the reality is that like it.

Me Likey Likey a lot!!

I'm really hoping that SM sees how well of a unit these two make, and decides to debut them, officially. Cause God only knows we aren't getting any new material from f(x) anytime soon. Victoria is too busy livin ha best life in China, and Krystal is too busy looking fed up for no reason with Jessica, whilst people throw money at BLANC & ECLARE.

Rating - 3/5

4. Hot Potato (N.FLYING)

Before I start in on my review of this song, I just wanna ask what the fuck is up with idol bands being filled with beautiful ass humans?!?! Like?!?!?! Anytime I watch anything with Day6, I can't help but wanna cry at how hot they are. And watching N.FLYING's Music Core comeback stages, I got the same feeling. I could barely pay attention to the songs. Am I really just that thirsty?!?!?

Nobody fucking answer that, I know I'm thirsty heaux. I don't need you shady bitches dragging me for it.

Existential crisis aside, Hot Potato is a banger. I'm really hoping 2018 is the year idol bands start thriving, because I need more songs like these in my life. The verses are pure octane fun, while the choruses are power pop crack. I dare one of you to tell me you wouldn't sing along to that chorus if you knew Korean. I fuckin D A R E you!! And whoever's idea it was to add Yoo Hweseung from Produce 101, I wanna kiss you silly. His chemistry with Lee Seunghyub is ridiculous!! And in addition to that, an added vocalist allows them added flexibility with with N.Flying's rap/sing vocal style. I'm just so happy with this song, especially with how little love I had for The Real. It's great, sis.

Rating - 5/5

3. Her (Drug Restaurant)

Raise your hand if you had no idea that Jung Joon Young's band changed their name to Drug Resturaunt!?!?!?

...

Oh that was just me, not paying attention to anything?!?! Okay...

The first time I heard Her, I was immediately mesmerized by that opening chord progression. Some part of my musically trained brain knows how overused that progression is, but the rest of me is too busy blissing out to it to care (to be fair, most chord progressions in popular music are overused, because there's only so many that actually sound good to our ears). Her is no one trick pony, tho; she may come back to the oddly dissonant and melancholic texture of the intro now and again, but she always makes sure to give you something new with it.

The rest of the song is pretty great, too. Jung Joon Young has a very smooth texture to his baritone, very similar to BTS's Kim Taehyung (and if y'all know anything about my gay ass, y'all know I'm a H E A U X for baritones), and it's a great contrast to the grit of the instrumental.

Her is a very nice intro (err... reintrduction) to a great band. I keep telling myself I'll get back into rock like I was in middle school (the only good thing about being a weeb is J-rock and VISUAL KEI, I will fight you if you say otherwise), and it looks like God decided to help a girl out.

Rating - 4.5/5

2. Twenty Something (Alice featuring Yooyoung of HELLOVENUS)

Hello?!?!? Fantagio?!?!?! Starship Entertainment called; they want their Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo back.

Yes, I realize I'm not that funny, but it's not gonna stop me from cracking jokes

So... If you don't know what an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo is, it's basically the RnB version of an acoustic midtempo ballad (hence the acoustic coffee shop bit). They're usually not acoustic at all, but they still have the same feeling as an acoustic ballad, if that makes sense.

And can I make a bold statement here?!?!!? Fantagio just declared a turf war against Starship with this song. Yes babies, it's that fucking good. Starship is usually my go to for Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempos, but it looks like Fantagio wants to throw their hat in the ring for consideration.

Alice has the right amount of grit to her voice to really hook you in, but a decent amount of brightness to help uplift the track. And Yooyoung's rap is just... Oh my God, it's so good!! I wanted it to be longer, sis. A++ content!!! She provides a nice texture change that makes Alice's voice pop when she takes over the track again. And the instrumentation just makes my brain happy tingle. God, I'm just so in love with this song!!

My only complaint is about that flat ass, limp ass, needs to be put out of it's misery ass high shriek Alice does over the final chorus. Guys, I am so tired of my ears being accosted by these singers trying to belt. Most of K-Pop's vocalists are sopranos with bright ass tones and absolutely no power behind their voices. This obsession with high belted notes at the end of songs is just so weird, and if y'all are gonna continue to do it, I need y'all to integrate that shit into the song better. Don't just have a vocalist do their best "OH MY GOD, THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME" shriek. It's so irritating!!

And apparently, this is the first of a monthly song single campaign Fantagio is doing for 2018?!?!!? Someone at that company wants me to die, sis. First, they inflict Ong Seungwoo and Park Jinwoo on my ass, and now this.

Rating - 4.5/5

1. Bboom Boom (MOMOLAND)

First of all, can we give S. Tiger a round of applause for throwing it back to EXID's Nyam Nyam Jeop Jeop?!?!?!? That is a top five favorite b side of mines, so the second I heard the guitar in the teaser, I fucking Knew™ my edges were about to get snatched right off my face.

Secondly, Queen JooE is outchea livin ha best life, and I'm just so here for it. People love to talk shit about girl groups cause they only do cutesy and sexy concepts (nevermind the fact that boy bands do the same shit, but I guess y'all not trynna hear that), but anytime girl groups give you something different, y'all not trynna stan. So, I'm so fucking here for JooE serving you basics Unapologetic Joy™ in the New Year.

Hallelujah, Thank You Jesus!!

For those of you who can't tell (although it's position in the Fab Five should've tipped you off), I fucking love Bboom Bboom. I was ready for Bboom Bboom the second the teasers started rolling in, and my excitement hit an all time peak with the Great! highlight medley showing that the entire mini was Banger Central™. My only complaint about the song is that the transition from the trap beat to the regular beat in the second verse was so throwed together and clunky. Did y'all run out of time to really integrate that right, cause?!?!?!?! I love that section, but that it could have been handled way better.

Still my favorite song of the week.

Rating - 4.5/5

And that's that, folks!! Tune in next week at 6pm EST to see my round up of this week's new releases. And don't forget about Friday's Feature Splotlight at 6pm EST!! There's been a little (Okay, it's a pretty big ) change to the schedule. Wanna know what it is?!?!?! Be sure to check it out!!!

[mintyoongiskookie]

sad boys | one

Member: Jeon Jungkook x Reader x Park Jimin

Genre: Heavy angst, smut, Rebel Jungkook, Fuck Buddy Jimin, Soulmate AU

Word Count: 3,691

A/N: AHHHH THANK YOU ALL FOR 200 FOLLOWERSSS (idk how i got here without smut LMAO) AS A THANK YOU I decided to attempt to write what is probs really bad: SMUT. If this turns out well, you guys can request for more it’s up to you BUT ANYWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCHHHH

*Italics is foresight.

           You were nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing but a parasite in a greater hold.

      You were worthless.

      You weren’t welcome here, slipping your boots on to wander. Wander off to hiding spot number 134. The railroad. You met your father only once. Your mother raised you poorly. You felt shipwrecked, stranded, folded out over the waves of water. Your feet took you away from the mother, passed out drunk with a stale cigarette in her fingers. They took you away from the fucked up house with the creaky floorboards on the porch, the nails stabbing out from beneath you. The night was unholy around you, the black swallowing everything on the streets. The dim lights were emitting a warm hue, shielding you from the monsters of the dark. Your eyes flickered around you, fingers twitching around the knife in your fingers. The boy. He came. And you swore you saw him blur around the edges, his mind tangled with yours.

      Neither of you knew the others’ name. He was the boy, you were the girl. No words were exchanged, splashes of beer replacing the unknown voice of the boy. The static silence, the one everyone wishes for, was found instantaneously. You found yourself running after him, his black clothes hiding him from your eyes. Your teary eyes. Again. Blurred on the edges.

      You shot up in your bed, eyes wide with cold sweat running down your face. You were met with the same room, dirty white walls with peeling paint, splintering floor covered in towels to prevent having to pull wood out from your feet in the bathroom. A single dresser with mismatching drawers, and a makeshift desk you threw together with plywood. You slid out from the old  patchwork quilt you had over you and picked up your phone from the ground, looking at the digital time glowing on the screen. 3:32 AM. You knew you shouldn’t have tried to sleep. The dreams had been coming in since you were fourteen, the man in them seemingly haunting you ever since. You had heard of the stories of soulmates, the single item showing up in all your dreams, pulling you two together.

      There were two stages in the whole “Soulmate” idea. The first was the dreams. They started when the both of you started to mature, learning in on the ideas, storing away the facts, pondering the possibilities. Thinking of how your past life was, if you ever met them before, how you died. You would start to get anxious, question if anything was true, if it was all a fairytail people told, a bedtime story for imaginative little kids. No one could ever remember their full dreams, the events staying in their world were everything was better. You started pulling out key details, things that would show up every time you closed your eyes, and you sketched them on your wall. But you quit sleeping at night. The dreams started haunting you, following you around, appearing in every minuscule thing you did every day. Last night had been the first time you had tried to sleep at night for months.

      Entering the bathroom, you looked at yourself in the cracked mirror. Still as fucked up as ever, you thought. You shed your clothes, letting them fall to your feet, stepping out from them and slowly getting into the shower. The curtains were grimy and covered in god knows what, but you couldn’t bother to clean it. You started the water, the slow stream of cold hitting you like a bullet. There was no warm water - as per usual. You guessed you mother stayed up at some point to waste it on herself, thoughts of her head floating under, darkness enclosing her, stealing her warmth away ran through her head. 

      From fucked up parents come fucked up kids.

      You ran your hands through your hair, feeling the water run down your arms like blood from wounds. The second stage of the soulmate thing was death. Cheerful, right? The story goes, you have to die before getting your memories of a past life. Pretty obvious. But, it made sense. Things would pop up, kind of like special items. For example, your friend Hoseok had been getting visions of Mr. Goodbars for quite some time. He found his soulmate at a gas station with her arms full of bars. His memories flooded back to him that night, and he spent an entire week looking for that girl. She got her memories back a few days later, and she went looking for him too. He found her eating one of the bars on a park bench, and a happy reunion went on between them. But you hadn’t had jack shit so far. You had seen  few repetitive things here and there, but they all ended up staying away from your mind after a while. Either you were bad at this, or your soulmate just couldn’t pick something and stay with it.

      You jumped out from the small space of the shower after being hit with deathly cold shivers. You wrapped a ripped towel around you after drying off and got ready for the day. It was any normal day of the week; way up way too early, shower, do makeup, attempt to find something to do to kill time before school, and get out of the house without your mother seeing you. You finished getting ready and climbed down the side of your house, the sole of your boots making a quiet thump in the dewy grass. The sun was still hiding away from the town’s eyes, gracing some other country with it’s annoyingly bright rays. You slid your phone out and checked the time again. 4:46. Better. You slid your key into your old pickup, named Fucker, for never working. After about twenty times, the ignition finally started and the rusty thing purred to life. You slid out of the driveway and down the streets, your eyes grazing over every little thing. You noticed one thing - the For Sale sign wasn’t hanging in Mr and Mrs Johnson’s rickety old place anymore. Keep that in mind, you told yourself. You drove down the road, parking outside of Jimin’s house. He was your childhood friend… And occasional fuck buddy. You were fine with it, you didn’t have anything else to do. But you had to admit, it was really confusing. Everyone was right - friends with benefits never work out.

      You laid down over the passenger seats and kicked your feet out the window, letting the radio spill songs that swam through the air and graced your ears. You pulled out your phone again and called up Jimin, telling him you were waiting for him by the corner. He made his way out from his house slipping on a shirt, his bangs sticking to his forehead sweat. You swept your legs back down to the floor of the truck, scooting over so he could drive. He stepped in and leaned his head against the back of the seat, heaving a sigh.

      “Bad dream?” You said with a hint of playfulness in your voice, glancing at his disheveled state; crumpled, ripped shirt and tight jeans that he hadn’t bothered to button, sex hair and sweat dripping down the side of his face. He let out a breathy laugh, his Adam’s Apple bobbing.

      His head lolled over to look at his, his pupils blown wide. From the darkness, from you, you didn’t know and didn’t care. He looked sexy as all hell. He laughed again at the sight of your legs crossing from his intense gaze. “If you call fucking you senseless on your kitchen counter a bad dream, than it was a fucking nightmare.” He sat up, his hand curling around the stick shift and shoving the truck into gear. His foot floored the gas pedal, speeding off to your favorite clearing in the woods. The clearing where you first met him, swinging at the air with a stick while on an old swing. A swing that you grew up on, had fun on, had sex on. You felt bad for that poor old thing.

      His right hand was gripping your thigh, smoothing over the folding denim of your jeans. You melted under his touch, he had complete control over you. You should’ve hated it, you knew it, you wanted to show that you still had control over one of your brains, but you knew you didn’t. And you fucking loved it. With two taps of his finger, your legs spread apart, the muscles of your thighs tightening, your core enclosing around nothing. The radio was still blasting, and Jimin took his foot off of the gas. By the time the truck was at a stop, his hands gripped your waist and pulled you to his lap, lips crashing against each other. His hands were running up and down your back, his cold fingers leaving goosebumps in their wake. Your tongues were clashing, fighting for their territory, a battle of which he immediately won. Your fingers were curling around his shirt, tugging it over his head. He chuckled at your impatient actions, the sound sending a wave of heat that rippled down your body, eliciting a soft whimper from your lips. You were desperate, ad he tugged you closer - but it seemed like he couldn’t get you close enough. You both needed more.

      You both split, and the air was rushed into your lungs, but he pulled you down again, moaning into your mouth. His hand gripped the back of your neck, the other clutching onto your breasts. His hand slipped under your shirt, his nimble fingers playing with the sensitive bud, pinching and rolling it between his index finger and thumb. You could feel him against your leg, sending shivers down your spine. His hand flew from your neck to your legs, growling at your choice of clothing for the night. “Fishnets and shorts, but no panties? You should’ve thought about that babygirl, now you’ll be walking around with my cum dripping down your legs.” his voice was deep and gravely, the sound sending chills throughout your body, making you even more wet. His fingers danced over the damp patch of your denim shorts, before roughly pressing the material onto your clit.

      He chuckled and shushed you as you cried out from the feeling, pressing a finger to your lips. “Shhh, be any louder and the entire town will wake up baby.” He helped you shimmy out of your shorts, ripping an even bigger hold in your tights. His thumb went back to your clit, sliding two fingers into you. He smiled at the sounds that came from you, as he slipped your shirt off and expertly unclasped your bra. He stilled his motions and sat back, looking at you sitting on his lap. Just for him.

      You were his.

      He bit down onto his swollen bottom lip, moaning at the sight of you. “God, you’re such a good girl for me.” His lips attached to your neck as he pulled his pants to the middle of his thighs, bringing you closer to him. His fingers started their doings again, shoving knuckle deep into you. He was sucking on your neck, your collarbones, leaving a trail of his marks everywhere his mouth touched. The coil in your stomach was winding tighter and tighter, his movements slowing as he felt you tightening around him.

      “J-Jimin, fuck, I-I’m gonna-” Your sentence was cut short by his lips on yours, but the absence of his fingers left you feeling empty. But before you could do anything more, you were met with the feeling of him deep inside you, wasting no time. Your hands were pressed against his chest, balling into fists, trying to find something to cope with from the immense and unimaginable pleasure he was giving you. He grit his teeth, his jaw tightening as a moan fell from his plump lips. He gripped your waist, helping you move up and down. There were bound to be bruises of his hands on your waist later that day.

      Not matter what the occasion, the issue, anything - Jimin always seemed to be able to mark you as his. His mark was left on your soul, and there was no way to change that. A ghost of his touch would have you shaking, trying to clutch onto something of him, to get him back to you. he had such a big effect on you, but you knew. You knew he wasn’t the boy. And it hurt.

      He was raising his hips to meet with you, snapping them up, reaching all the perfect spots in you. He re-positioned his hand, pressing his thumb against you, moving it in circles. You were already on the edge, but that shoved you over it and you landed in a pit of pure euphoria. Your mouth fell open, jaw slack, but nothing except the quiet pleas of his name escaped your throat. His hips sputtered as he watched you, a loud moan leaving his lips, as your name rolled off his tongue countless times. Sliding out of you, he watched as his cum ran down your thighs, a groan coming from him. He pulled your head down, holding it against his chest. His hand instinctively wrapped around your waist, protecting you from anything else. His other hand went to your hair, stroking it soothingly as he pressed a kiss to your head. “You’re perfect (Y/N)… Absolutely perfect.” He laid his shirt over you, covering you away from the world.

      You smiled up at him, pressing one last kiss to his jawline before slipping away into the best sleep you’ve ever had.

      You awoke in the middle of the day, wrapped up in Jimin’s arms. The radio was quieter now, soothing music flowing out from it. It looked to be about mid-day, the sun shining through the leaves on the trees. You quickly sat up, reaching for your clothes and pulling them on. Your hurried movements stirred Jimin in his sleep, his grip loosening around you.

      “Baby? What’s wrong? Why are you in such a hurry?” His voice was deep and husky, teasing you even more. Before he could pull you back down to him, you sat on his lap, kicking the car into drive.

      “If my mom’s awake my ass is toast,” you said, speeding out to the town roads. “Last time she burned her cigarette out on my eyelid. I don’t know why she give a fuck anymore.” You slowed down when you neared his house, leaning over and kissing his neck one last time. His eyebrows furrowed, his hand grasping yours.

      “Babygirl… I’m worried for you. You don’t deserve the shit your mom puts you through. God, I’ll fucking kill her if she lays a hand on you today…” There was a look in his eyes, one that told you - he wasn’t lying. His gaze hardened, glaring at nothing in particular. Your hand rested on his thigh, looking at him.

      “Jimin, it’ll be fine. I’ve had worse.” You weakly smiled at him, unlocking the doors for him. “Now get out before she really does hurt me.” You smiled and kissed his cheek, watching as he slipped away into his house. Your eyes glanced back to Mrs. Johnson’s old house, a moving truck sitting outside. Boxes were sitting on the curb and on the sidewalk, the stairs being taken over by a couch and a boy, clad in black jeans and white shirt, sitting on his phone with earbuds in. He had some tattoos scattered around his body, piercings gleaming in the sun. He must’ve been a senior, looking a few years younger than Jimin. You wondered why anyone would transfer to this shithole of a town when they only had a year of high school left. His sleeves were rolled up, his forehead doused in sweat, his shirt collar damp from hauling boxes under the summer rays. He hoisted himself up and slipped his phone into his pocket, muscles flexing against the weight of a box. His eyes trailing towards your figure sitting in the truck. Your hand flew to the stick shift, gunning it into gear. You sped around the corner, circling the block to get home. You pulled into the driveway, putting it into park and switching off the key. It was eleven by now, and you knew you were gonna have to get your own lunch rather than having your mother cook. Her car wasn’t in the driveway, so you figured she was either one, day drinking, or two, going out to fuck another piece of trash. With your head resting against the back seat, you looked around you. You had grown up in this small, boring town, your being doing nothing to make it more interesting. You wanted to get out of here so much, but you always told yourself: Two more years. 

      You backed out of the driveway again, passing the new boy’s house on the way to the grocery store. To your surprise, the familiar stance of Jimin was standing next to the boy on the steps. Pulling up behind the moving truck, you rolled down the passenger’s window and peeled your head out. “Jimin? You know the new guy?” Both of their heads turned to you and your jaw almost visibly dropped. He’s fucking gorgeous. They both are. A smile graced Jimin’s lips as he briefly turned and said something to the boy, and jogged over to you. He was sweaty again, and images of this morning’s antics flooded into your mind. You cursed your legs for crossing.

      “Yeah, I do now. But what are you doing here baby?” He leaned in through the window and rested on his elbows, one of his hands running through his hair.

      “I was just running to Jeff’s to get some chicken. Want me to bring you two some?” He smiled, his cheeks raising into his eyes and turning them into those adorable little crescents. The boy came back up, his gaze magnetized by yours. His eyes were deep, dark. Sad. People say that eyes tell all the secrets - his showed none. Nothing but a deep dark abyss, pulling you in farther than you would like. He was the sad boy; the one with daddy issues, who’s momma left after he was born, and copes by chain smoking and drinking. Scars on his back from his father’s belt. He looked like that type of mess. He wasn’t a person. He was a bomb, ready to self-destruct at the push of his button, hidden behind his left ribs. His hands were resting at his sides, fists clenched, knuckles scarred. Burns were scattered all over him, the butts of cigarettes leaving their imprints on his body, skin stretching over him like the most expensive canvas. He was a Mona Lisa in himself. A mystery.

      Jimin didn’t catch your entrancement in this boy’s deep orbs, so he turned nodding, saying to get a sixteen piece box. A hard smile spread over your lips, eyes ripping themselves away to look at the road.

      He was his own secret.

      You found yourself sitting on the boy’s front porch, a bucket of chicken on the steps in front of you, and two boys playing football in the lawn. For once in your life, you felt like you belonged somewhere. Somewhere where no one was dragging you down, where they’re drowning and pulling you down with them. Now, you were floating, because someone was stable enough to throw out a life preserver.

      He didn’t have a name. Or, to you he didn’t. He looked like someone so pained, that they couldn’t bother letting another person into their life. You didn’t think Jimin knew it either, because he said nothing of it at the truck. You mind was getting fuzzy, like in your dreams, everything disappearing around the edges. The boy looked clean cut though, like he was really the person with the rope, pulling you out from the raging waters of self-destruction. The ink in his skin etched out his story, a book written on his worn pages. Pictures of black lungs, skeletons and whiskey, knives and guns. You had two favorites so far - one, a man in a box, holding his knees to his chest, pulling the trigger against his head. A bouquet of flowers came from his opposite temple. The other, much more simple. A dotted line with a small pair of scissors running across his carotid artery. A sad boy, indeed. You wondered how much more art his body held.

      It hit you without any warnings.

      Pictures flashed through your mind, clawing at you. Withered white roses laying on the ground, a shattered mirror, and the boy’s bloody face, laying in your lap, with a piece of glass protruding through his throat. His figure was fading, blurred, a smile spread over his lips as his smile was directed up to you. A smile you didn’t know was capable from such a broken person. Your hand in his, swallowing it and the only blooming rose in the room, stained by the blood laying around you. That was it. Your past life came to you.

      And the boy in front of you was your soulmate.

      Hiding problems was no big feat for you, so your face stayed straight throughout the episode, hands shaking. It was all too much, too fast. You felt like you were supposed to crawl way and hide in bed, cradling yourself until the sobs racking through your body stopped, and you could breathe without a tear running down your cheek. But you sat, with that stupid chicken, on a stupid porch, watching stupid boys, in a stupid town, on a stupid planet that wasn’t ever supposed to happen. And you stayed silent, because you were too scared to do anything. You were shivering in this summer sun, the picture on him laying on your lap haunting you.

      No one noticed.

[voltronqts]

how about a scenario of lance falling in love with a pretty voyager after her ship wrecks and he finds her washed up on the local beach

wow first request that im getting to that’s pretty old i decided not to keep this one because i really liked the idea. there were two ways i could of gone with this request A.) lance is a country boy who hasn’t ever been anywhere too far from his town and he finds this voyager who he takes to his family’s inn and he’s so interested in hearing her stories about exploring the world and things happen from there. and B.) little mermaid type au, and idk if this is what anon wanted or had in mind so i decided to just write choice A since that’s more of the vibe i got from this request.but uhhh if you ever want me to write choice B i will totally do it lmao. anyways i’ll shut up and get to the actual story now. sorry in advance if it’s kind of bad i haven’t written in sooooo long. OH!! and im trying a new format so yay uwu

LANCE was a simple country boy, he lived by a beautiful seaside town. his mother owned an inn which got plenty of business from all the sailors that passed by the town, his father was an explorer who sailed the seas lance hadn’t seen him in years though, his younger siblings helped out at the inn, his eldest sister married a young noble man and moved to the capital city, and the most of his other family lived either in town or nearby. lance helped his mother at the inn, he also farmed, and just did any of the heavy work that was needed. he had never been outside the surrounding area of the village, but he did have a craving for exploring the world similar to his father. he had big dreams for a simple country boy but there was nothing wrong with dreaming, even if they didn’t come true.

lance sighed as he collected his thoughts, he finished tying up his boots and opened the door walking out his room. he wasn’t surprised to see the lounge of the inn filled with rowdy, hung over and drunk sailors chatting as they ate their breakfast. his mom and younger brother eric cleaning some dishes, “good morning lance!” his brother called out.

”morning.” lance greeted with a yawn as he walked over to the pair. he leaned against the counter and ate some bacon.

”morning sweetie, plans for today?” his mother asked as she sat aside a pot and picked up a dirty plate.

“not if you need me to help out today.” he responded as he grabbed the clean dishes and put them away.

“hmm…no it’s okay. it’s your free day feel free to whatever you’d like. just be back home before dark please.” his mother responded.

lance nodded, “alright than, i’m gonna head on out. bye mom, bye eric.” he smiled and waved as he walked out of the kitchen. he slid past the sailors and finally arrived outside where it was much more peaceful. he stuck his hands in his pockets and made his way towards his favorite spot. it was a beach completely secluded from everyone else, he was pretty sure he was one of the only people to know about it or at least visit it on a daily basis, he hadn’t ever seen anyone else there before.

it was kind of a long walk from the inn but he the view was worth it. he walked past the port, the fish market, the square, and the houses before he finally made it to a large field. once he crossed the field he finally made it the beach, away from the bustling town.

what he hadn’t expected was to find a single woman laying unconscious on the beach. he let out a gasp and quickly ran towards the woman, nearly tripping over his own feet multiple times. he finally arrived next to her, he fell to his knees and placed two fingers on her neck to check her pulse. she was still breathing, but it was shallow and slow. he noticed how she was covered in scratches, bruises, and how her clothes was ripped in multiple places.

“what the hell….” he whispered as he examined the beach around, debris floated in the water and some had washed up on shore. did her boat crash? that was the only reasonable answer to this. but he could worry about later he had to take her back to town to get some help.

he scooped her up and propped her on his back, her arms wrapped around his neck and held her legs on his hips as he climbed up the hill and made his way as quickly as he could back into town. he got odd looks from various people but he didn’t care. finally arriving at the inn he practically kicked the front door down. everyone in the inn stopped to stare at him for a bit before he spoke,

“m…mom i need help here, please.” lance spoke in between breaths.

“o-oh right! eric prepare a room!” his mother shouted as she rushed towards her exhausted son. she quickly helped him and helped carry the unconscious woman to a guest room. once she placed down on the bed his mother rubbed her temples, “oh my goodness lance who is she?” She asked as she grabbed a bowl and filled it with hot water, grabbing a rag as she returned back to the beside of the girl.

“mom i don’t know, i went to my little spot the beach outside of town and there she was unconscious. i think she was in a ship wreck there was debris everywhere. i brought her back here because i didn’t know what else to do.” he explained himself as he fell into the sofa finally being able to catch his breath.

“well have to wait and see if she wakes up, she’s alive that’s good at least. wonder what happened to her then…” his mother mumbled as the dipped the rag into the hot water and squeezed it placing it on the woman’s forehead and begging into to clean the dirt off of her face. “go grab me some of your sister’s clothes, ones that will fit her. her clothes are completely ruined.” his mother said as she continued cleaning the wounds.

“r-right.” with that lance ran off to his sister’s room. he grabbed a simple light pink dress and his sister shoved other various garments in his arms before telling him to go.

when he entered the room again, the woman’s torn and dirty clothes were folded in a chair and she was only left in what lance could see, a brown long sleeved shirt that was fitting. the blanket was pulled up to her neck and a damp warm rag was placed on on her forehead. she looked so peaceful sleeping, and he just noticed how beautiful she was even with the bruises, cuts, and small bandaids on her face. “thank you lance just place the clothes on the sofa and let’s leave her to sleep.” his mother said as she waited for her son to do as he was told. with that being done she shut the door gently behind them.

it wasn’t for another two days until the girl woke up, he only knew she had woken up when he heard someone cry out in pain when he was cleaning the hallways. he quickly dashed into her room and the girl was holding her side in pain, blood seeping through her shirt. he quickly ran to her and placed a hand on her back, “u-uh lay down miss please! you reopened your wound!! i-i’ll go get mama! just wait right here please!” he shouted as helped her lay back down. he ran to the door, “mom she’s awake! i need help!” He shouted, his mother quickly running up the stairs and into the room. his mother quickly cleaned up the wound and placed new bandages on it.

“you must stay still, miss. you can’t move too quickly or else it will reopen and never heal.” the older woman scolded as she wiped the small bead of sweat off her forehead.

“thank you for all you’ve done, but who are you people? and where am i?” the pretty girl asked as she looked at lance and his mother.

“you’re in my inn, in portsea town. im marina and this is my oldest son lance, he found you unconscious at the beach two days ago.” his mother explained, lance waved at the girl with a smile.

the girl took a moment taking it all inn and sighed, “im ________ ________, im a voyager i travel the world in search of new things. my ship was caught in a storm and it was already damaged by some pirates we ran into earlier so when the waves hit our ship we weren’t prepared. my crew managed to get on the life boats but i stayed on board, i couldn’t bear to leave the ship i helped build. and it crashes and i guess i landed on that beach. thank you for bringing me here, lance. and thank you marina for taking care of me and letting me stay at your inn, but i have to ask if you’d let me stay here a little while longer so i can heal fully and i promise i’ll leave once i’m some healing. i-i only have about two hundred gold on me though…” her voice trailing at the end.

“of course you can stay here as long as you’d like, don’t worry about paying me. just heal up dear. i’m afraid i’m going to have to go back to work but my son lance can take care of you. there’s a change of clothes, i’m not sure if it’s your style but it’s all i have. please call me if you need anything.” Lance’s mother spoke with a smile before leaving the two alone.

—

it had been nearly six months since the pretty voyager ________ had appeared in lance’s life and loved spending time with her. she taught him about the world outside his small village, she told him stories of her adventures, she gave him this smile that just made his world light up, and her laugh was so contagious. he was so attached to her, she was amazing and absolutely stunning. lance had never met anyone like her before, he never wanted her to leave.

so when he saw her packing her bags he felt his heart drop. he stood at the entrance of her room, leaning against the doorframe.

“s-so you’re leaving now?” he asked softly, his voice cracking.

________ jumped surprised to hear lance’s voice, she stood up and motioned for him to come in. she sat down on her bed, patting the spot next to him. “lance….i have too….” she said with a sad smile.

“no you don’t. you can stay here, ________. you told me that you were even over the voyager lifestyle that you had outgrown it, that it was too dangerous. so why the sudden change?” lance asked his whole body shaking now. why was he acting like this, why was so upset by her the thought of her leaving? he was acting so pathetic right now he was just waiting to her to tell him off.

he hadn’t even realized that his fists were balled until she placed her hand on his. “it’s the only lifestyle that i know, lance i have no one to return too, no one waiting for me at home, only the ocean is waiting for me. i can’t burden your family anymore. you have such a lovingly family here, don’t worry you’ll forget about me in a few months.” She laughed, but he noticed how forced it sounded.

“y-you can stay here….with me ________. you can stay here forever if you’d like! please don’t….leave…” lance’s voice sounded desperate and he suddenly just embraced her. pulling her tightly to him, “i love you…”

she quickly hugged back and she felt tears stinging her eyes, “….lance….”