#idk. im not getting more into this rn. i need a professional actually.
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diamondnokouzai · 4 months ago
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mental health blogging under the cut (but im not like, suicidal or anything, just pondering)
ive been feeling more and more dissociated (<- how the fuck you spell that) lately in like, the split personality sense. and ive kind of identified a few specific 'aspects' of myself that are like, very separated in my head, but im not sure if thats because im psychotic or not. idk if psychosis & did can even overlap (or if i even HAVE any sort of DID related mental health issue) but its kind of upsetting when i cant understand why my thought patterns & behaviors are so different somtimes
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cerealmonster15 · 2 months ago
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ive been watching sooo many vids of people doing doll restorations and doll customizations... making me both fight off the desperate urge to attempt New Hobby just because it Looks Fun and also resisting the urge to repurchase the fave barbie i had as a kid on ebay,,,,
#i dont have a job rn i dont need to be spending money on this kind of nostalgia for the latter lol#my fave was a SPECIFIC doll#well actually i had 2 faves but i think the other was like a generic one#but i specifically remember i had the 2001 nutcracker barbie + ken#who i guess were named clara and eric lol#idr if i had the kellys.... i did have a few kellys i just dunno if they were part of that set#i think i literally only had one ken doll. MAYBE two ? and one was the nutcracker guy#but his nutcracker head creeped me out so i never used it#i also think i fucked up his slicked back hair bc. well i was a child LOL#but i remember specifically those two bc of the creepy nutcracker head and bc clara had that special jointed body#since her whole thing was like the nutcracker ballet movie or w/e#and i loved the way her joints moved and clicked and her swooshy curly hair#but also when i was a kid i liked smearing makeup on my dolls LOL#so like. watching restoration and custom vids and seeing how people Actually pull that off in a more professional way#it awakens that inner childhood interest lol#and like i HAVE a lot of the supplies already for that. i have paints and pastels and a billion craft supplies ive accumulated over years#which makes it all the more tempting to buy a used doll off like ebay or a thrift store or something for funsies#that would be more affordable than trying to win a bid war for clara 😑 LOL#but i mean. if i do end up employed with a comfortable salary again someday#and if i have money to spare. perhaps i'd consider trying to get clara lol i know shes out there#but also im not willing to spend THAT much so i probs still wouldnt#tho maybe i can find one thats kinda fucked up and try to clean her idk . IDK IM JUST DAYDREAMING FOR NOW#ugh who wants to reminisce with me tho LOL#i can vaguely see the plastic bin of barbies i had as a kid in my mind...#there was this other barbie i had that i liked... idr anything special about her tho i just liked her hair#it was like a specific type of blonde that was like a warm blond and was soft i think. maybe a lil dirty blonde color idk#maybe i liked her face too idk i just know there was one that stood out to me#despite like nothing of significance about her LOL#she was another white blonde bitch in my collection
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therosevest · 5 months ago
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me rn 😔 or ig like half an hour ago..
#sat down frank had me helping take a camera apart#this is like my second time touching a more professional camera since his actual class mind u#like three people had to help me with ratcheting the sticks off 😭😭 and he was like Do u remember how we did it yesterday#and like yes but i think i’d need to sit w these for like twenty minutes alone to just get used to it. and also yesterday crucially it was#kind of fucked up and the ad had to help me with an actual. not screwdriver idk the tool i don’t fucking know#NOT to be like waaahhhh i can’t do it. i’m just so uncomfortable with it rn. and then we had to change the lens 😭😭😭😭#i’ve changed lenses before but i was already so frazzled i couldn’t even get it lined up right#he was like dude the white dots just line those up. king im trying i swear 😭 i just wasn’t letting it drop enough ig. um#then just to make me feel like i knew something he was like And where do we put the lens cap? one of three places#😔 sorryyyyyyyy#and like it’s fine i recognize i’m very um fresh and realistically it was fine and the ad was trying to mess around w me#while i was doing it to lighten the mood but i was so . again just whatever.’i took everything they said very literally#and then i couldn’t even tear his gaff tape on the first try. he was like Abby this is so easy. IM SORRY#to be fair to me i’ve used the shittiest cheapest tape my whole career i could tear that however#this shit was Tough. i got it the second he showed me how. small wins
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pseudophan · 1 year ago
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idk if this is confirmed or if im insane but i feel like dan in his why i quit youtube video was talking about how he felt like there was Dan content and Dan And Phil content and how he felt like he was split between them....i wonder if hes trying both to see what he still likes to do. he had his internet show and now danandphilgamws is back like. i have a feeling he's trying to figure things out rn
i think dan ultimately wants to do his own thing and has a lot of ideas and aspirations, specifically he wants to be a stage comedian like his passion is clearly for live performances and while the comedy bit is still being fine tuned (i'm not saying he's bad, in fact he's kinda good ngl, but he definitely has a way to go if he wants to be Great) the performance part he's got DOWN like say what you want about that man but he ooowwwnnnsss a stage. also he's weirdly great at audience interaction lmao? that was my main takeaway from we're all doomed, both the pre show and the show itself, he deals with heckling like.. AMAZINGLY well. he's genuinely hilarious responding to an audience like i never thought i'd say this a few years ago but i think he might actually have a future in live comedy lmao????
but i also think he.. needs money LOL like he's said many a time he doesn't really love being a full time youtuber, but also he does enjoy making youtube videos! just, you know.. not full time. but while on his own channel making Daniel Howell(tm) videos he puts a lot of pressure on himself, and then if he does a slightly less high pressure series or whatever (dystopia daily) it's relatively well received and the videos are good enough but like.. it's not the traction he wants, nor the traction he needs
ultimately dan knows that if he wants to keep and potentially build an audience online that lies in Dan And Phil. it always has and it always will. and i think for a long time he struggled with that, and as much as people gave him shit for it i completely get it. like, lmao, of COURSE he wants to be recognised for his own abilities and not just the dynamic and chemistry he's got going with... his literal partner. honestly it would be one thing if dnp were just comedy partners because there are a lot of comedy duos on the world who've made it big, but i think there's something about it being him and his full time actual real life boyfriend/life partner that kinda makes it weird. and as much as i love the dnp dynamic i still do get that feeling so much like honestly who can blame him ?? if your entire professional life is just.. your personal life but on camera ? that's weird. it's gotta feel weird and it's definitely unfulfilling for someone as aspirational as dan and i can't blame him at all for it
that being said, dan clearly does really enjoy making videos with phil. which yeah of course he does, he gets to just turn on a camera and talk shit with the guy he talks shit with all day long anyway. and i think what he's now realised is 1. if he wants to keep/build an audience, the dan and phil branding is where it's at and 2. he needs an income while he works on whatever solo projects he's got going on, and dnp makes a loooot of money
basically my point is - dan seems to really enjoy making videos with phil but he knows that's not really a life long career choice. as much as i'd love them to, it's not really an option for them to be playing sims when they're like, sixty. and while phil is relatively chill and seems to just take things as they come, which tbh is probably the healthiest way of doing things, dan is very overthinking and wants to get ahead of everything and also in general just like.. he wants to build a career! he wants to build something on his own and i can't fault him for that at all. dan knows that one day he's gonna need something more than just Dan And Phil if he wants to keep working, and he's laying the groundwork right now to be able to do that
again, though, i don't want anyone to take this as like 'dan is only doing dapg to make money and rebuild a fanbase' because as much as that is definitely a big part of it... just look at the man. in these videos. he's having a great time. and also, as annoying as we are, he does kinda love us. sometimes. maybe. <3
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radical-boy-kisser · 2 months ago
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Hihi!! this might b a bit long, sry 4 that :))). how do we/I tell if I'm a system? I've been doing A LOT of research specifically on osdd 1b, bc I fit most every symptom, but I don't like self diagnosing. on the other hand I don't have the resources to get diagnosed. I can list symptoms in comments if u guys need. but yeah we r really confused rn. sorry I keep switching in between I and we pronouns. Also we feel like my child hood wasn't traumatic enough to have osdd so I feel like we r making it all up!! anyways sorry this was a bad tangent! hope u hv a nice day :)))) /nfta
Hello!! Thank you for reaching out to me, but I will preface my answer with this:
I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL!!!!! I AM JUST A SILLY LITTLE GUY™️ ON THE INTERNET!!! PLEASE TAKE EVERYTHING I SAY WITH A GRAIN OF SALT!!!!!!!
ALSO! ITS OKAY TO BE WRONG!! IM NOT TRYING TO SAY YOU ARE OR AREN'T A SYSTEM, BUT JUST TO ANYONE READING THIS WHO THINKS THEY MIGHT BE A SYSTEM AND IT TURNS OUT THEY ARENT THATS OKAY!!!!!!! YOU DISCOVERED SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF ANY WAY!!
Anyways, as a system I can list some of the symptoms I experienced before realizing I was a system and some now and if you relate to a suspicious amount then maybe that's your sign!! (Very very sorry if this is not enough/what u asked for 😭)
Also, self diagnosing is perfectly valid in this situation! Self diagnosing is valid when you don't have the resources and do proper and extensive research on the subject, and even more so with DID since so many people don't diagnose it, with some outright refusing to!
Here are some of the symptoms I experienced before realized I had funky people in my head :
• Gaps in memory, such as not being able to remember what happened the entire week, or even that same day. Especially more so for stressful/traumatic events. (Also just straight up not being able to remember most of your childhood. Again, assuming you're a system, you're not gonna think you had enough childhood trauma because DID is meant to make you completely forget that ❤️)
• Feeling like a completely different person. The first time I actually noticed I switched, it felt really intense and whenever I'd (wasn't ME, obviously, but I'm using "I/me" for the sake of simplicity) try to recall myself, it'd be a different person with a different name and physical appearance and such, and the name "Max" felt so distant and as if it didn't belong to me.
During the first times I'd switch when it first developed, I'd feel like someone different during that time, but I'd usually not notice/forget about it later
• Identity crisis central
Now, here are some of the symptoms we now experience knowing we're a system:
(We still experience memory gaps and such obviously. Also, not trying to say our symptoms just straight up switches after we realized we were a system, these are just some we have realized are symptoms of DID and now look out for)
• Seeing messages, tasks done, notes written that I have absolutely no recollection of doing
• Not feeling like myself, but also no one else in particular and it's like "who am i" (blurring)
• Disassociation. HEAVY disassociation.
These are all the things that I could think of right now, so I really hope this helps!! I know DID and OSDD-1B aren't the same thing but I really hope this helps!!! (i don't know much about OSDD-1B because I completely forgot everything I learned abt it 😭)
But uhh ya that's all hope you have a nice day as well and good luck on your discovery journey! (Or not! Idk if that phrase goes both ways I'm sorry!!)
Edit : Also pls reach out to other systems please don't take just my take/view/whatever on it 🙏 ty
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thyfleshc0nsumed · 2 months ago
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how does one even get into findom and sex work? im a disabled lass trying to cut a paycheck and no jobs will take me.
I've been doing sex work in some form or another since I was 16 or so, with various levels of success and failure. I've always been pretty low rent and it's always been more or less a con for me, whatever form it takes. So I truly can't speak on getting into the big game or findom. Like I said, that one findom dude was a one in a million, I've never had something like that happen before or since and I doubt I will again.
I use a site called niteflirt, been on there since mid 2019. When it's good it's decent but when it's bad it's bad. Shits so bad out there right now for everyone, dudes aren't dropping what they did even a year and a half ago and on top of that, the competition and prices for featured listings are utterly unreasonable rn and have been since at least last December. Right now, phone sex is basically just bonus cash for me. If I didn't have another form of income, it wouldn't give me what I need. Maybe if I hussled more or shifted focus or did more porn, it could do something for me but idk, not really interested in that ATM.
In my experience almost every dude into findom doesnt have shit to drop like that. It's dudes who are into it like as a fantasy. They work manufacturing or trades if you're lucky. The rare professional/cubicle jockey shows up but even they make less than you think. You might pull 20-50$ from them in a night but that's what you'll pull from the average john on there in a night anyway from chats. These dudes are fucked in the ass by the owning class that the fantasy they have is having enough money to be drained, not the being drained itself by and large. The money is almost always no different than a dude in a similar position who wants you to piss on him or sit on his face.
I find sex work to be personally pretty miserable for the most part. Decent Johns who I actually build some kind of relationship with are the exception, not the rule. There's a lot of duds and short chats that die off after 3 messages. Maybe it's worth it to give it a try for you, maybe not. But the way you get in is kinda just by getting in. I personally think unless you're already in, nows a bad time to get in, but like we do what we gotta so idk
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sminiac · 8 months ago
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its me 🦭 anon again!! i absolutely love what you wrote for my request oh my godd, especially keeho's. i can't stop thinking about how teasing he'd be now that you've talked about it, and the way his grip would be so tight tryna keep your legs apart😮‍💨i might babble on too much rn but the thought of cumming hard over his tongue already yet he doesn't even pull away at all. i got a feel he'd wanna overstimulate you further and suck even harder just to make you writhe beneath him. just bc he thinks you're so adorable when you can't push him away bc he's holding you down😵‍💫😵‍💫 he's just mumbling some excuse about how he wants to lick you clean of your release that's why he isn't done yet, . ..also feel like he really gets off on the way you're trying your best to keep your noises down so yall don't get caught, he loves seeing you so helplessly pleasured, knowing he's driving you so crazyy
jiung too🫣 the way you wrote for him seems so romantic i love it a lottt, imagine being spoiled by him fr. i absolutely love dedicated guys aagh. oh and morning head w him means a soft session of him eating you out so so cute, especially when he feels you tug lightly on his hair still so messy just from waking up yk. he's obsessed w ur moans bc he loves ur voice from when you've just woken up too🫠🫠i need a jiung rn
...actually im gonna admit im just a baby p1ece, i became a fan because i really can't stop listening to their new song , "killin it":''') i was wondering if you have any recommendations for like shows/series i could watch of piwon to get to know them better? like weekly reality shows of them if they have any, idk where to start :(
GIRL PLEASE. IF ANYTHING BABBLE MORE 🗣️
Overstim w Keeho? I’m actually so ???? The way he literally would try to come up with some fleeting excuse so he can keep himself nestled between your legs, it wouldn’t even completely make sense but you relent because he just looks so pretty and the slackness of your legs jolting with every suck of his lips followed by his tongue feels so good.
No shame in being new to piwon! None at all, just means you’re someone else who I can share my thoughts with :b
I think their ‘PLOG’ playlist would help with remembering their names and faces quite well, their voices too, just so they’re more distinct from each other, and so you can get a better feel of their personalities because it’s mainly the boys yapping, the videos are fairly short if you have a smaller attention span :b
I’d recommend watching their vlogs too! For example ‘P1HARMONY in WORLD’ on YouTube is really comforting and fun, especially so you can get a semi-familiarness with them outside of the more traditional curated section of their life, if that makes sense! Just because personally I love the rawness of the members just whipping out a camera and being silly without bright hot lights in their faces and a general wave they have to follow. ‘HARMONY CLIP’ is also a really good playlist, there’s a lot of comfort videos in there for me, it mainly consists of vlogs from their tours, bts of their mv’s, all that fun stuff, kind of similar to in world.
‘피원모하니’ playlist has all the professionally produced videos, ex: (SAESSAK HARMONY, HARMONY FOREST, LEGENDARY MOVE, HARMONY ADVENTURE) which I’m pretty sure consists of mini games and such? I myself haven’t even made it through all the videos :,)
Ahhh also their practice videos are really entertaining to watch, if you’re wanting to get into some of their more ‘dated’ discography! ‘BFF choreography video’ and ‘BIGBANG Dance practice kcon 2023’ are my favs!
I hope I’m of some help, and don’t worry about watching every single video they’ve ever released because there’s so many and it can seem overwhelming! Have fun <3
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iiseult · 2 months ago
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Day Off: Jerry Pascal x Vanessa Riggin (part 1)
Note: This is my first time writing anything for this fandom and probably nobody will gaf but i also dgaf so im posting it anyway!!! I needed a break from my other ongoing fics and im kinda obsessed w Jerry rn so this was an easy write.
CWs: Smut, fluff, oral, gas station sex, jerry is lichrally in love, mentions of alcohol consumption, idk just yeah man it's hot stuff
The first time Jerry met Vanessa, she was drunk on a Sunday afternoon. Not that he was judging.
When he heard the little bell above the front door jingle, he looked up from behind the counter and called his usual lackluster greeting of, “how can I help you?”, but it died in his throat and petered out into more of a “how can I- ha…” when he got a good look at her. She was wearing a yellow t-shirt and a pair of hello kitty pajama pants, and a pair of huge black sunglasses covered most of the top half of her face. She made a beeline for the alcohol aisle and, with her left hand, she grabbed the first six-pack of cheap beers she saw. In her right hand she held an empty coke bottle, which she placed in front of him on the counter with a grin.
“D’you think you could get rid of this for me? Couldn’t find a recycling bin outside.”
He kind of knew he was done for once he got a whiff of what was actually inside the coke bottle, and it sure wasn’t no coke. He was never one for professionalism, so he didn’t think twice about nodding dumbly and ringing her up without checking her ID, even though she was pretty obviously underage. He also didn’t think twice about shamelessly chatting her up– a conversation which ended in her appointment as a new part-time employee for the summer. Jerry didn’t actually have the power to hire anyone, but the way he proposed the idea to the owners on the phone later with such dignity and aplomb left them unable to refuse.
“Hey, please buddy, come on, I’m on my knees here! Look, I know you can’t see me, but if you check the security cameras you’ll see that I am literally… literally on my knees!” Jerry cried, tilting his head to the side and holding up prayer hands towards the camera, like a grotesque caricature of the Virgin Mary. Jack pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned for what felt like the millionth time in the past hour, turning around to avoid watching.
“Jerry, besides the fact that she was drunk for the entirety of the… ‘employee interview,’” he air-quoted, “we don’t have enough money to take on another employee! How are they gonna pay her?” Jerry put his hand over the receiver and shushed Jack viciously, a little spit flying out of his mouth, before returning to his conversation.
“Uh-huh…uh-huh…yeah, no, I completely understand, no, totally. Right, right. Of course. For sure. Definitely. Indubitably. Could you just give me one second, please?”
Jerry slumped against the side of the counter and sulked, covering the receiver again and sighing. He looked up at his friend with kicked puppy eyes. “But she’s so hot, dude, I’d hate to disappoint her…we gotta figure something out,” he muttered, when suddenly another brilliant idea struck him. “WAIT! I have had…a thought!” He declared, suddenly jumping to his feet and uncovering the receiver.
“You can give her half of my paycheck!”
So about a month and a half into working side-by-side at the gas station most days of the week, Vanessa and Jerry had grown quite close. He started picking up extra day shifts on top of his usual nights to make it up to the owners, and to spend more time with Van. It sounded like a great idea on June first, but by the time the fourth of July rolled around, he was really starting to look worse for wear. He often worked 24 hours in a row and only had eight-hour breaks between them, during which he’d sleep on a hammock in the dry storage room, not seeing a point in driving all the way home just to come back as soon as he opened his eyes. Jack didn’t seem to mind; all he had to do was remember to knock before restocking the chips. And Van was none the wiser to the entire situation, clueless to the fact that Jerry was sacrificing so much to keep her around.
Despite the fact that it was her day off, Van swaggered into the gas station, cheering when she saw Jerry behind the counter. A goofy smile spread across his face. Even though it was the twenty-second straight hour of his shift and his eyes actually wouldn’t open more than halfway, he felt a warm tingly feeling spread through his body at her presence.
“Hey, what’s up, Van?” he called. She sidled up to the edge of his counter and leaned her elbows on it, gazing into his red-rimmed eyes absently.
“Thought I’d pay you a little visit since I got nothing going on tonight,” she drawled, and the fact that Jerry’s eyes were glued to the neckline of her low-cut top was not lost on her. In fact, it made her feel good inside. He nodded, and without looking back up he said, "Sure glad you did.”
Before she could say anything, the little bell rang and she turned her head to see an actual customer enter the store– a middle-aged man with a poorly concealed beer belly and a backwards baseball cap. She quickly walked around to the other side of the counter and planted herself next to Jerry, their shoulders brushing slightly. He shivered and glanced at her sidelong. She was staring ahead, watching the customer as he approached the counter with an assortment of items in his hands, a large grin on her face. He wanted to say something, to ask what she was up to, but that thought was dashed from his mind when the customer dumped his things in front of him with a loud ‘clunk.’
“Hey, how ya doin’ today,” Jerry said quietly. He rang up the items one by one. The customer grunted in acknowledgement. And below the counter, where nobody could see, Van slowly slid her hand up Jerry’s leg, starting at his knee and settling on his upper thigh. His breath hitched and his face began to heat up. Alarms were going off in his head, and he suddenly worried he had stayed up too many hours at a time and finally lost his mind, but when she gently squeezed his thigh, he swallowed hard. No, it was real. And there was really a customer in front of him, a matter of inches away, watching him attempt to do his job.
“Can I also get a pack of smokes?” the customer rasped, pointing to a pack of reds to Jerry’s left. Van squeezed harder, getting dangerously close to a sensitive area. Jerry cleared his throat and grabbed the cigarettes quickly, his hands shaking slightly.
“Yeah, n-no problem. That’ll be $17.80,” he replied quietly, accepting the twenty from the customer and handing him his change. The man gathered his things and grunted once more, turning around and heading for the door. As soon as he was facing the opposite direction, Jerry let out a sharp breath, his eyes fluttering shut, and discreetly shifted his weight, trying to hide the growing bulge in his jeans.
“Have a nice day!” Van called as the customer disappeared out the front door. As soon as he had, Jerry’s eyes darted around, making sure there was nobody else in the store. There wasn’t. He turned his body to face her, one hand gripping the countertop for dear life.
“Jesus, Van,” he muttered, and he could feel his pulse pounding in his ears. And also in his jeans. She turned so they were facing each other and her hands flew to his hips, holding him at an arm’s length.
“Aww, big boy, you’re so cute when you blush,” she said softly.
Jerry could feel his face getting hotter, could feel the entire room getting hotter. Despite this, he scoffed.
“I do not blush. I just… overheat sometimes. It’s a guy thing- a, a man thing,” he clarified, looking down at her sternly. She only smiled and patted his hip affectionately.
“Yes, you do, Jer, and I love it. Such a pretty boy,” she cooed, rubbing her thumbs over his hip bones. He let out a small sound that was something between a grunt and a whimper.
“Stop it, Van, you’re driving me crazy,” he complained, his voice tinged with amusement. In response she let out a groan, which turned into a low laugh as she noticed how his pants had magically become at least two sizes too small between the legs.
“Aww, pretty,” she chuckled, looking up into his half-lidded blue eyes through her lashes. He blushed deeply, trying not to look into her eyes, his heart stuttering in his chest. This is what he’d wanted so badly since the day he met her, and yet he was paralyzed. He couldn’t tell if she was just playing with him or if she actually wanted him to make a move, but he was betting on the first one.
“Van, please don’t tease me like this,” he pleaded, his voice coming out croaky and low. He stared down at the ground, his golden hair falling around his furrowed brow. She felt a pang of guilt and decided to change tactics, gently sliding her hands up from where they had previously been resting on his hips, and finding a new spot around his slim waist.
“But I’m not teasing you, honey…”
His heart skipped a beat and he shivered, his skin breaking out into goosebumps under her touch. She called him honey, and it left his head spinning. He wanted to believe her, to touch her back the way she was touching him, but he wasn’t yet totally convinced he wouldn’t be making a fool of himself.
“You… you’re not? 'Cause I don't really wanna act like a fool right now,” he replied, his throat dry, and she shook her head. She, on the other hand, loved when he acted like a fool. They did it together all the time! She considered saying as much but decided against it, thinking that maybe she should save that one for later. Instead, she squeezed his waist and urged him to take a step closer, whispering, “No, baby, I’m not teasing.”
There was only a little sliver of space between them now, her chest bumping up against his, and the tent in his jeans brushing almost imperceptibly against her thighs. His hands hovered awkwardly at her sides, unable to decide if he should ask permission before touching her or just do it. He started to speak, to ask “then what…” but the words died in his throat and all that came out was a soft, “Huh?”
She grabbed one of his hands and placed it on her own hip, looking up at him darkly and all but confirming what he so desperately needed to hear– that she wanted him, too. He moved his thumb experimentally up to the hem of her low-rise jeans, brushing the pad of it against her flawless skin, and both of them sucked in a sharp breath, simultaneously experiencing the same shock of electricity. Her reaction filled him with a wave of confidence. He knew he wasn’t just imagining things, that she really wanted him, and that by the looks of things, it was pretty bad. He gently tugged her hips forward, pressing them against his own and grunting softly at the contact. He thought he was ready for it, but he was so hard it was almost painful and he couldn’t stop his hips from bucking into her soft, yielding flesh. She let out a harsh breath through her nose and closed her eyes.
“Jer…”
He craned his neck down and got in her face, breathing heavily and looking at her through his lashes. Those pretty blond lashes framed his big blue eyes so well and she just melted when he looked at her like that.
“You want me, pretty?” she whispered sweetly, gripping his hips a little tighter, possessively. He clenched his jaw and nodded rapidly, whispering back,
“Please, can I have you?” She grinned and nuzzled her face against his neck, pressing kisses to his scruffy jaw and the skin around it. Her lips brushed his ear as she murmured,
“Yeah. Take me to the storage room,” and Jerry sucked in a sharp breath and dug his fingers into her soft hips. When he spoke again, his voice came out rough and strained.
“Y-yeah? You mean it? You want me… right now?” She slid one hand up under the hem of his t-shirt and spread her fingers out over the warm, bare skin there. His body was aching for more, practically vibrating with the need to be closer to her, so he grabbed her smaller hand softly and led her to the dry storage room where he slept. Thankfully, it was only a few steps away, and she quietly closed the door behind them. Jerry leaned his back against it, his chest heaving as his breath came in shallow gasps. Vanessa pressed her body against his, practically draping herself against him, and cupped his face softly.
“Jer, you’re gonna have to be quick,” she muttered. He laughed heartily.
“Oh, trust me, I don’t need much time.” She bit back a goofy grin and slid her hand down to his collarbones, feeling the tingle of heat as it radiated from his skin and invaded her own. He groaned and leaned his head back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling.
“Van, lady, please…” his voice rumbled deeply in his chest, and she felt the vibrations against her bosom. She shivered and sucked in a sharp breath.
“Do you want me to touch you now?” she whispered, cradling his stubbly cheek in her hand and letting the other one fall to rest on his waistband. Jerry nodded frantically, eyes still closed, jaw clenched. She took one last deep breath and blew it out before leaning forward and capturing his lips in a deep, passionate kiss, moving her mouth against his slowly and languidly. His arms instinctually encircled her waist and he held her carefully as he furrowed his brows and kissed back. All the tension, all the months of pent-up frustration and need poured out of him suddenly.
He moaned into her mouth, and she took the opportunity to lick past the seam of his lips and slide her tongue against his, making sure he couldn’t go anywhere by grabbing the back of his neck. She breathed his scent in deeply and pressed every inch of skin she could into his body, and all she could think about was him. In her mind’s eye she saw him, the last expression she had seen him make, his face flushed and brows furrowed. In a frantic attempt to get closer to her, he pressed one palm against the small of her back and another between her shoulder blades. Every flick of her tongue sent a wave of heat through his already overheated body.
When the kiss finally broke, they were both panting, and Jerry had a strange expression on his face, like he was using every ounce of his concentration to make her clothes turn see-through.
“God, Van…” he said, his voice deep and rumbling. She pressed one more short kiss to his lips before dropping to her knees in front of him, and his heart jumped into his throat.“You don’t have to…” he protested weakly, even though his hips were pointing towards her like a magnetic force. She swatted away his words and scoffed, already fussing with his clothes, swiftly unbuckling his belt and undoing the button of his jeans.
“I’ll do a better job later, but this’ll work for now,” she said, grabbing his pants and pulling them all the way down to his ankles in one swift motion. Jerry’s breathing was ragged and desperate, and the promise of there being a ‘later’ to look forward to sent a pang of lust ripping so strongly through him that the room momentarily spun.
“God, Van, I’m so…” he began, his cheeks flushing even deeper as he looked down at her face hovering only inches away from his throbbing need, “…hard,” he finished. He was painfully aware of how badly he wanted her, how sensitive he was, and he was glad this was only meant to be a quickie, because he’d be done for in a matter of minutes. Van kept one hand planted firmly on his hip, and with the other she palmed his bulge through his boxers, unable to look away from it.
“My God, Jer, what is this, like, seven inches? Fuck,” she swore, her mouth already watering. He shivered, already so sensitive that the slightest touch set his nerve endings on fire, threatening to overwhelm him. His length bobbed and strained against the thin fabric, leaving a small wet spot on it.
“Y-yeah,” he managed to gasp out, “About that, I guess.” He was suddenly slightly embarrassed at how much her words obviously affected him, when normally he would have had no shame at all about his body, but there was no way for him to hide his reaction. She pulled down his boxers quickly, his rock-hard cock springing up against his stomach, and her jaw dropped as she finally laid eyes on it, pink and swollen and fat. Jerry’s skin burned under her gaze, the way she was looking at him making him crazy. His hands balled into fists at his sides, but as her eyes widened at the sight of him, that confidence from earlier came back and he couldn’t help but reach out and run a hand through her hair and mumble, “You’re so pretty.”
She grinned and wrapped a hand around him firmly, spitting on the tip, and Jerry couldn’t stop the strangled moan that escaped him, or the way his hips bucked into her fist. He couldn’t believe she was actually smiling, actually volunteering to blow him. It was like she was a wet dream come to life. She pumped him a few times just to get the blood flowing before bringing her lips down and pressing a wet kiss to his tip. As soon as her soft skin made contact with him, he let out a filthy, pornographic moan, his head falling back against the wall. He felt his legs tremble, and he was sure he’d collapse by the end of it if she didn’t stop, but he was also sure he never, ever wanted her to stop.
“Van, ah, that feels so good,” he gasped as she flicked her tongue around his sensitive head, drawing more and more sounds from his lips.
“Good, honey, so good,” she whispered, flattening her tongue against his shaft and dragging it all the way up to spread around the moisture. Once she was satisfied that he was properly coated, she looked up through her eyelashes and swallowed about half of him, keeping her hand curled firmly around what didn’t fit. The way his cheeks flushed and his knees buckled encouraged her to start bobbing her head up and down, her lips still wrapped around him firmly. Jerry had to press his back harder into the wall to keep from falling.
“Ohmygod you’re so pretty,” he repeated, unable to tear his eyes away from her face and the way his cock completely filled her mouth. As a thank you, she started moving her hand in tandem with her head and sucked hard, creating the max amount of friction she possibly could without hurting him. His breath was coming in ragged gasps, his whole body tense with pleasure, and with the effort of forcing himself not to buck into her mouth. Though his hands were buried in her hair, he was gentle, never pulling on it too hard, only holding it to help ground himself. Vanessa began picking up the pace, moving her head faster and continuing to swirl her tongue around the head, occasionally letting it flick across his sensitive slit to make him yelp.
“A-ah!” he cried breathlessly. She hummed around him and tried not to smile, bringing up her free hand to play with his balls. Her finger accidentally grazed his perineum in the process, making him moan out her name, long and deep. She pulled off him for a second and couldn’t help but grin.
“Oh, you like that?” she asked, gently dragging her finger against the area again. His legs wobbled and he groaned, and she squeezed her hand a little tighter around his base, starting to pump him again as her mouth went back to work. She was going fast now, gagging a little as she swallowed as much of him as she could and continued stimulating him with her finger.
“Holy shit, Van!” he moaned, threading his fingers tightly through her hair as his thighs began to shake. “I’m- I’m gonna c-” His sentence was cut off by a loud cry ripping through his throat, and the sound of Van moaning in pleasure around his shaft as he shot his load into her mouth. His entire body shuddered and he had to catch himself before his knees completely gave out. She slowed down a bit but kept going for a few more seconds despite his whines and gentle tugs to her hair, wanting to make sure she milked his cock for everything. She didn’t hesitate to swallow everything he gave her, sticking out her tongue to show him afterwards. Once again, he had to fight to stay upright after seeing that.
“That was…I’ve never…it’s been so long since…” he gasped, looking at her with pure adoration as she got to her feet and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. He could taste himself, musky and slightly bitter, and made a mental note to include some more pineapple in his diet.
“You taste pretty good, huh?” she teased, running her tongue along his bottom lip.
“Ugh, fuck,” he moaned, face going slightly red at that. His heart was beating a million times a minute, his body still buzzing with pleasure as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. He wanted to give her some of the warmth he was feeling, show her what she really did to him. He closed his eyes and buried his nose in her hair, inhaling deeply. “Van, you’re so good at that…” he mumbled stupidly, a mindless grin plastered on his lips. Jerry was drunk a lot of the time, but somehow this was not one of those times, no matter how much it seemed like it. Maybe he was drunk off lust, or desire. Or something else. Who knows what kind of chemicals one could inhale while working at the shitty gas station at the edge of town. Van melted into the hug, relishing the feeling of his thick arms caging her in, keeping her warm and safe. But she knew he was in a time crunch.
“Break’s over, sugar,” she whispered, and he made a noise of discontentment and buried his face into her shoulder.
“Don’t wanna,” he mumbled against her skin, his voice half-muffled. She laughed quietly and stroked his dirty-blond hair, almost petting him. He pressed his face into her neck and breathed in her gentle scent, the scent he had come to associate with tenderness over the past month and a half, and a sense of contentment washed over him.
“Didn’t I tell you I’d do a better job later?” she cooed.
“Yeah, but now I don’t think I can wait,” he muttered. Van gently let go of him, pulling back a little so she could look into his eyes.
“I’ll make it worth it,” she promised, “I’ll come by your place after your shift.” Van knew where Jerry lived, and she wasn’t averse to the fact that it was quite literally in the back of an abandoned school bus that was probably illegally parked behind the old Mathmetist compound. She’d been there to play shitty knock off video games and grill various meats a few times before, and it really wasn’t so bad once you got used to it. Especially once Jerry brought out the beers.
He gently released her, his body already missing the feeling of her against him. His mind had already conjured up at least three different scenarios about how the night would unfold later, and at least two of them involved a blindfold and cherry flavored condoms. He gave her a lopsided grin and nodded.
“You better,” he said, his voice still a little raw from earlier. He couldn’t wait for his shift to be over.
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agent-aromantic · 1 year ago
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talk about el gato (langur de chat!!!) anf uhhhgmf. cappuccino vs langues parents I just lovb seeing ur ramble posts ok .
Hi i love you so much ok im finally getting to this ask im sooo eepy but oh well my rambles are the best when im exhausted . I think that cappuccino isnt usually intimidated by people ,,, if anything shes the one who usually is intimidating others but for some reason langues parents Actually scare the living shit oit of her like he does NOT want to talk to them ever.
Langues parents dont rlly like her (disorganized, constantly grumpy, messy appearence, smoker, coffee addict, etc. just a bad influence for their perfect precious angel child) but like They arent MEAN about it they just. Respectfully dislike her. they arent even mean or rude to cap in any way but once shes around them she starts acting really awkward and unlike himself like. Trying to stand straighter and sound more professional. they ask her if she likes burgers and shes like "oh great heavens no!! theyre far too greasy for my tastes" and langue is like ??? Are you ok do i need to rush you to a hospital are you havinf a stroke rn
like. its ooc but thats the point and its very funny to me HZBDKFB cappu can ridicule people in court all the time, she doesnt neccesarily care what people think of him and doesnt put much effort in his appearence because of that (unless its something that will actually affect her reputation and interfere with his job), but when langue is like Oh my parents will be there then suddenly for some reason cappuccino is desperately trying to get all the tangles out of her hair with his fingers. Do you see my vision
possibly its because of cappuccinos past experiences with her parents (she had Awful biological parents and equally as bad adoptive ones) but idk . havent thought much about that.
Anyways i do think that cappu grows on langues parents . Langue would hide their relationship for as long as they can (they know that their parebts already dont like cap very much and they are Very overprotective and picky about partners) and while their parents would probably give cap some looks at the start i think . they would grow to like her and probably spoil him just as much as langue . Which she is not used to ! Cappu is not used to supportive and affectoionate parents
ok im gonna eep . thank you for this /gen tbis was so fun to type :3
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lovelysakuryay · 6 months ago
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man if the writers of QoT spent more time with the plot this would have been a FANTASTIC kdrama. I mean it’s very good and entertaining but still there were too many plot holes that i found VERY hard to ignore?
- acting like the internet isn’t a thing? are we for real, that cold stoned hong hae-in really just trusted her ‘external hard drive’ instead of checking things for herself? if she searched up her own name, she would have learned about everything?
- we watched the damn book get thrown in the furnace and the door to the furnace shut, how is it that when the cleaner goes to get the book out of furnace it has barely burnt? surely it would have burnt more than that?
- the storyline about the miscarriage could have been developed more. ITS OBVIOUS THAT BOTH HAEIN AND HYNUNWOO HAVENT MOVED PAST IT SO WHY WOULD WE?
- also was i dreaming or didn’t they film some videos for haein to see after she got the surgery? i genuinely don’t remember if this happened in the show or if i made it up and i cant be arsed to go check
- also what kind of hospital allows a random man to say that he is actually a patient’s fiance when you already met said patient’s fiance? surely when the second fiance turns up you’ll call the next of kin YOU KNOW IS ACC RELATED TO THE PATIENT? LIKE I DONT KNOW PARENTS OR SIBLINGS??
- THE FAMILY HAD SPIES IN GERMANY AND THEY DIDNT PROTECT HAEIN?
- this girl got brain surgery and was out of the hospital within a few weeks, i may be being silly rn but if i’m correct, haein would need to stay near the hospital for post-surgery treatment/monitoring? and lets say that she got her record transferred to a hospital in korea, we did not see her go to the hospital for post surgery appointments once she was back in korea
- at hyunwoo’s trial, they just spring up new evidence?? idk how it works in korea specifically but im studying law and any evidence that isn’t logged by the time of the first trial is either dismissed or allowed into evidence but the trial is rescheduled for when both parties have had the time to adjust their arguments to this new evidence. it doesn’t just GET ACCEPTED AND BELIEVED FOR CREDIBILITY JUST BECAUSE THE DEFENCE SAID SO AND FOR GODDAMN SURE IT DOESN’T ACQUIT THE DEFENDANT STRAIGHT AWAY??? in the least the new evidence would be taken in and analysed by court assigned professionals to make sure it is credible (that could take a few weeks) THEN the defendant would get acquitted.
- Hyunwoo’s sibiling’s relationships. they were just sprung up on us, glossed over and moved onto the next thing
- Finally probably the biggest thing that i cant get past. SHE JUST HAD SURGERY AND IS BACK TO WORK. NOT ONLY BACK TO WORK BUT BACK TO MANAGING A WHOLE ASS LUXURY SHOPPING CENTRE?
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Tw for csa, nightmares and flashbacks, csa detail
I just wanna vent
Last night I had a horrible nightmare of getting raped. It lasted for a long time and I'm still shaken from it. It brought back many flashbacks when I woke up. Idk why but even tho it was my mom who sa me, whenever I have a nightmare of sa (which happens a lot) my mom is never the rapist? Like its either my dad or a random person. Which is weird cuz my dad never sa'ed me. Sure he did constantly commented on my body ("your ass is growing, you're growing up!") Which make me feel uncomfortable. And one time he peeked through the toilet when i was using it to see if im on my phone, which was also weird but like he ddint mean to be inapp he just wanted to make sure i wasnt on my phone. But he never really did anything physical. Anyways the nightmare brought back shitty memories. I can still feel her lips and hands on me. It makes me feel so disgusted with myself, I feel like im dirty and gross for it. Ik it's not my fault but I just can't help feeling ashamed. My mom doesn't sa me anymore but she kinda does like.lower forms of it. Like slapping my ass or touching it, but that's normal right? I mean, I don't think she really means it in an inappropriate way, like she might just think it's a cute way of showing affection. My family is really physically affectionate after all, even my dad do that. Idk man I just feel so weird rn. I feel like I wanna get away from my body, like I don't belong in this thing. I wanna rip my skin off just to feel like she's never touched me. I wish she never did this to me, I wish we were a perfect family like how other ppl think we are. Worst part is they act so nice, they're good parents. It's just when I think of my childhood it's pretty messed up. I just keep trying to push down these feelings and ignore them so I can live in this fantasy of having perfect parents, but lately it's been becoming harder to do it. Thanks for listening, I hope u guys have a great day <3
- 💛
Hi 💛,
I'm so sorry about what you've been going through, as well as the dream you had. While you said your dad didn't outright SA you like your mom did, it sounds like he's still made inappropriate comments towards you and touches your butt. Please know that these things are unacceptable and you don't deserve to be treated this way.
It can be confusing when we dream of scenarios that are a bit different from our actual trauma, and it's natural to wonder why these details are changed in the dream. Sometimes our brains experiment with different dynamics to see how that changes the situation. Because for example there is quite a big difference between being raped by a stranger and being raped by your mom, and perhaps entertaining the idea of it being a stranger is a way to navigate and understand the dynamic between you and your mom. But sometimes its more symbolic or metaphorical. For example, if you dream about your dad being the perpetrator, perhaps it could symbolize the ways he makes you feel uncomfortable in your own body. Especially with trauma, it's natural for dreams to be a way to process and make sense of your experiences.
While it's okay for families to be physically affectionate, it must come with a certain level of care and respect for others' boundaries, which sounds absent in your family dynamic. It sounds like your family crosses physical and sexual boundaries under the guise of "normal" affection. Normalizing this behavior is what enables the abuse to continue. Please know that your body is yours and you deserve the right to say who can or cannot interact with it.
If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can best help you process your trauma, the dreams you've been having, and equip you with useful coping tools that you can take with you along your healing journey.
I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
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whoreishghost · 11 months ago
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i really am despairing and just hopeless in a way that i genuinely dont think ive been before and its rlly fucking with me. like, by all acounts, i am More supported than i have been before, and thats almost part of the problem? i feel ungrateful for feeling So Bad. i don't do Anything, i dont attend uni, i dont write my essays, i dont have a job, i dont clean my flat, i dont rlly cook a lot. of the things that Have to happen so we can continue to live in this flat, or i can continue to access medical services so my life doesnt get worse: those things are often put off way past the last minute and i need a lot of support to do at all. also, rn my life is mostly just calling A Service TM, getting a bullshit response, complaining, calling again, finally getting through to someone who knows whats going on, complaining, rinse repeat. ITS EXHAUSTING! not only that but sitting every day in bed or at my desk refreshing tumblr or staring at my screen saver thinking to myself 'what am i going to do?' and coming to the conclusion of nothing because i have nothing to do, i enjoy nothing, i want nothing, i cant concentrate long enough on anything or process information well enough to do things Anyway. ykw its not even true i dont Want to do anything. i do. i Want to write my essays, on some level i am genuinely interested in the topics. i just Cant. i want to read. i've been pretty keen on reading complaint by sarah ahmed for a while now or maybe rereading whipping girl or even giving notes on suicide another go? but i cant make myself start because i Know that i wont get far and its so fucking depressing. im getting so high, the come down is genuinely distressing because of how scrambled and disorganised my brain becomes and i become so afraid i will be like that forever. and yet i do it EVERY DAY! im struggling extremely badly with some interpersonal shit that has completely destroyed any self esteem or confidence i had in my appearance and my worth. add onto that that i am a massive Massive financial drain and even if i wasnt our finances are just.. Bad? so i was like, ok, fssw time again, that wont be too bad, i can do that. and then i fucking set up by whore phone and downloaded the grindr apk (and it was fucking horrible and evil to do and i hate that evil horrible useless phone) (also did u know u need to send in id for age verification on google now? 101 internet safety says to not do that are u crazy?) and started getting dms and i wanted to cry i got so overwhelmed. like idk if i can do it, but like.. i kinda gotta? idk man. im trying to see things positively? like, i got the form for the work capability assessment and spent all of yesterday photocopying medical letters which detail diagnoses and assessments and reference hospitilisations, etc but also the dwp are evil so who knows if its enough? im trying to get my pip reevaluated but they havent even sent me the Form for that yet? so again! who! knows! i feel like im in beurocracy hell and i cant leave? my uni are trying to work with me, but multuple medical professionals have told me to interrupt or drop out and like if people who are meant to be like have something in your life to keep you going dont think i can do it, what chance do i have of Actually doing it? i dont know what to do anymore.
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bigender-cowboy · 3 months ago
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oh boy I think I saw this once but didn’t know what the fuck snogging was so let’s go!!!!!
1: Uhm. With my father. DEFINITELY NOT THE OTHER THOUGH!!!!!
2: My friend
3: not really actually. I’ve fully accepted everything I’ve ever done that I could actually regret.
4: nah. like the last thing I’ve embraced it all.
5: I have a partner and he’s VERY silly
6: for a good cause. preferably quick, but it doesn’t have to be.
7: uhhhh pasta with ketchup and sugar on it
8: hockey and ig if you count it archery. some people don’t though so. nothing professional.
9: Yes but not out of anxiety. ITS BECAUSE I ALWAYS BREAK THEM AND THEY GET UNEVEN
10: uhhhh idk some time this summer. last few months.
11: guys I might like my partner im not sure though
12: yeah and I’ve stayed up later than that. its not the hardest.
13: oh. yes. many people. its actually hard to get on that list but im autistic and people no no my things when i say them
14: yeah
15: three fish two cats
16: incredibly bored although I am getting amused by silly things
17: no why the fuck would I go in the bathroom to make out that is a stupid fucking spot
18: AAAAAAAAAA
19: NO!!!!!!!!!
20: bed (also it wasn’t sexual we were confused what the hype was about. we’re still confused what the hype is about)
21: me and my partner are in Maine rn with his family so probably rest because I get back to his place Saturday and im probably going home Sunday
22: no. IM ALREADY FATHER/SIBLING FIGURE TO LIKE 5 DIFFERENT PEOPLE IM DONE WITH THAT
23: no I used to have 3 on both ears and they all got ripped out/horribly damaged in different ways that all led to hospital trips
24: History. My teacher said I knew more than he did once. So.
25: not really. If it’s IN the past my mom but not her present form.
26: hot chocolate and powdered donuts
27: bi girls love me or something (yes)
28: nope
29: uhm. no? yeah? idk.
30: my partners rats keep attacking each other.
31: yaya
32: Maroon or burgundy. Wine color.
33: ehh. yeah. kind of.
34: uhhhhh I think I watched my partner fall off a building before turning into a bird. idk.
35: my partner but not in a actually serious way. the last person I did that in-front of was my father (in relief/joy)
36: no. im very stubborn. grudge holder.
37: neither??? ig forgive???
38: I thought not and then I thought about it and honestly maybe. not counting being a little kid, JUST maybe.
39: fuck. when I got with my partner so like…1 1/2 years ago? age isn’t being dropped though.
40: once but I really needed to check something and I had NO time for clothes
51: lemons or fettuccine with shrimp and breadsticks or garlic bread
52: not really because idgaf about it its just whatever happens happens it doesn’t matter who you are because it’ll just happen
53: threw the leech bottle and had to find out where the leech went because the bottle opened
54: no.
55: I mean im pretty nice but im also pretty snappy and defensive so at times im definitely mean but not always
56: uhm. i don’t know. dude i used to live in a trailer park where knives were pulled on you so a lot of fucking people???? i don’t know???
57: no
58: light drizzle or heavy snow
59: yes, I don’t think you’ve completed life until you’ve tied a sled to the back of a truck and gotten dragged across snow covered roads.
60: no, I hate marriage. Although I did promise my friend I would marry him for taxes if needed.
61: SHDBDBBSBS NO I HATE THE WORD BABY SO MUCH SHDND
62: a lot of things? my partner? friends? fandoms? idk
63: uhh. I already did just not to anyone but my friends and social media. legally? sure
64: nope. it was my partner.
65: tell them that I don’t like them because I have a partner and keep hanging out with them after
66: uhhh I don’t know how close I am with any cis guys. only trans guys. actually ONE guy. yes.
67: my partner’s mom’s boyfriend I think
68: my friend
69: not really
70: yeah
Open tags
70 horrible questions ... Fuck it
01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?
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show-us-kaidenshenandoah · 8 months ago
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ill eventually make a proper, pretty intro-post
but hello, hi, i am Kaiden-Shenandoah Knapp
also, yes, Kaiden-Shenandoah is my first name. the hyphen is optional, but you still have to type/say the whole thing. no, you may not call me "Kaiden". yes, i am aware it is a mouthful lol
(probably gonna change my surname is "Knapped" in a few years. i wanna distance myself from some shitty family while making the Indigeneity in my surname more apparent. dont be surprised when that happens. im just putting it off bc i got a lot on my plate rn lol)
(also if you knew me as "Kayleen", hi, hello, i no longer go by that childhood nickname. it is retired, wave goodbye, better to have loved and lost and all that)
this is my messily mindless "welcome to my head" blog, we do things very casually here. im making it my new Main (as of 24 March 2024). my professional/art blog is @kaidenshenandoahknapp
but the real point of this post is: i am not a bot lol
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and also, stuff is on a queue (until i do a mass-reblog binge but, typically, i am on queue)
everything in my queue is now 2 post per 24 hours (as of: 20 April 2024)
ive been on tumblr before, but since this is a new Main, im just going through my favorite content-creation blogs i know and mass-queueing loads of the op's projects. (if you are one of those said blogs and find this nth new notes a day from me annoying, please let me know; and i will just spam them all to Post Now so i can get out of your hair asap) i'm also just not good at regularly keeping up with creators' new stuff week-by-week, so instead i generally mass-queue because i assume mass-reblogging is a bit more overwhelming, idk, maybe im just overthinking lol
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tags guide: (mostly for me, ngl lol i need reminders of what i tag what when i do my mass-queues)
#me - me posting something
#relatable - "omg that is so me" at someone else's post
#aesthetic - me just really liking the vibes, which sometimes just also happens to be pretty to look at lmao
#canines wolves and werewolves i love - i know what i am about. ill probably have more "niche My Special Interest tags" as i find posts that fit them
#nutty nutcrackers / #the nutcracker - another Special Interest tag. pretty self-explanatory, i like The Nutcracker a lot lmao
#betty boop - you would think this belongs with fandom tags, but no. part of why i am obsessed with her (and have been since i was, like, 14) is because she was the popularization of the very next tag's trend
#infantalization in animation - it's when you apply baby facial proportions to an adult bodied character, it's most often done in female characters. i'll be using this tag outside of animated stuff btw. but yeah, anything that examines that visual design choice i am all 👀 over lmao
#other people's art - any individual person, not counting final version of studio work (like ill tag "Lilo and Stitch"'s exploratory concept art with this, sure, but i wont tag stills of the "Lilo and Stitch" film)
↳ #animal art
↳ #background art
↳ #oc art - is all "my original character in a canon piece" kind of ocs, not the "my original character in my original story" type
↳ there are also specifically listed artists here and there if they have influenced me/my style in the past or recently (such as but not limited to: #rvsa). almost all of them are indies with social media (aka: no Van Gogh, no Hayao Miyazaki. if they have their own fandom, i tag said fandom and not the specific artist, usually. it depends. there are some gray areas)
#brushes - the (digital) brushes people i like use
#art tips
#writing tips - is about actually doing the practice
#on writing - is the philsophy about the practice
#[insert fandom here]
#[insert fandom here] analysis
(here are the tags i chose for some fandoms that had multiple possible tags. this is not all of my fandom tags)
● #studio ghibli, #[insert studio ghibli title here] (i tag both the movie itself and studio. because sometimes i want something from the original movie, so i go into those tags; and i also go to the studio to look at overarching things since the studio has such a strong overall aesthetic/visual brand)
● #[insert disney title] (here, i do tag the specific movies and i dont just use the studio. because im usually looking for specific things this one disney movie has)
● #moomin (as opposed to "moominvalley", "tales of moominvalley", or the like)
● #my hero academia (so many different options for one work)
● #trigun (so many different branching creations from one source lmao im just gonna lump them together)
● #into the spiderverse (i dont use "across the spiderverse" for simplicity's sake, and i don't use the hyphen/space between "spider(-)verse" also for simplicity. its easier for me to be consistent if i just go "nah, its all one word")
● #marvel comics (i do not tag the mcu specifically)
● #dc comics, #batman (i tag both. but i dont tag any other dc comics property. i just know im esp obsessed with the batfam enough that, sure, they should get their own tag)
#me
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rxqa · 1 year ago
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Let's talk abt!
"Moo, fatty!" -starving girlies!
Those fucked girls who starve and tell other ppl to do this too, if u wanna ruin your life do it but don't bring other ppl to your dirty ass stuff! they say that "pretty girls don't eat" maybe you would be actually pretty if you workout and not destroy your body? Maybe you're the problem here? :3 I have no respect to ppl who sit at their ass starving when you can loose weight eating what you want to and just workout. It's your fucked up mind make you be sad girl and that's why ppl don't want you!! :D "I would rather die skinny then die fat" then be healthy, bc rn it looks like you olny need attention, Idk Abt you but those NORLMAL HEALTHY human bodies girls pulls more bitches then you, starving and crying in your room, im not talking abt girls with b*limia or a*orexia who understands consequences when they starve but all the ugly bitches who manipulate your mind set making you feel insurance! Get help, like professional one bc u have some serious problems with urself!! (And to be /srs, you olny make things worse for yourself.)
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artemis-lesbian · 4 years ago
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Hate to say it but I might need to retire the purple from my hair for a while
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