#idk why this song gets the creative juices going

[vangh17a]

mystery anon with the most predictable request, wanderer donnie and 1

Aight y'all win, I'll combine em asdlkfj

Wanderer if I did it differently

Ah yes, the inspo song is the number one song on the list who would've thought??

Ping! @willowmillowsstuff

[achaotichuman]

Fic/Life Update

Okaaaaaay. I just checked all the dates on my uploaded wips and wow, I have not updated some of these since February.

This gets a tinsey bit long, so read under cut.

Why have you taken so long? You may not be asking, or maybe you are, idk why you follow me. You're getting an update regardless. (Yes, I am forcing to get to know me)

I landed myself an apprenticeship (Yes it is true, one day I might be your barber, you'll never know) And since getting into it, I have been BUSY (good busy tho) and for a while things were rocky.

But since the start of April everything has finally evened out since December. I don't think a single thing has gone wrong. Which all means I can get back to writing properly (FINALLY)

All this to say, here is how my fics will be updated from here on until something goes wrong.

A Court of Song and Desolation- Will be updated once a month. First week of the month.

How Nesta Archeron Learned To Trap A Beast- Will be updated once a month. Second-third week of the month.

A Field of Dahlias- Will be updated every one-two months. Fourth week of the month.

The One True High Lord- Will be finished the next time I update. Next one - two months.

A Witch A Warrior And A Reckoning- Next generation Acotar fic, will be released within the next three months.

A Court of Gods and Graveyards - Eltamcien fic, will be released within the next six months.

Why post about this? Because announcing to the public my updating dates will automatically help me stick to them (don't ask me why).

Aside from the end of June, when I will be going to visit my precious baby niece (and the rest of the gremlins) everything will be smooth sailing from here.

If you read my fics, consider this my formal apology for how long they have been taking to update. And if some of y'all are reading this thinkin, what the hell is any of this, here is a link to my masterlist where everything but the unreleased fics are linked.

And for all the people who requested oneshots, I swear I am working on all of them. There is only so much creative mind juice to go around, and y'alls are going to be some of the first to come out this May.

Thank you coming to my formal life/fic update. WE'RE BACK IN ACTION BABY

[sam-loves-seb]

new year's ask game for fic writers:

thanks for the tags @mybrainismelted and @rayrayor !

1) What fic did you have the most fun writing this year and why? Or, if you can’t decide, what was most fun about writing this year for you?

i had the most fun writing what we stay alive for this past year, it was really a passion project of mine that turned into this wonderful labor of love

2) What’s a scene/story that you finished and felt “wow, I really accomplished that, that actually went so well”?

probably loving you with no conditions, i've always really wanted to write a fic with that premise but i put it off for a long time because i was worried i wouldn't do it justice. but in the end, i think people really liked it, and it's one of the fics i'm most proud of tbh

3) What helped provide the most inspiration for stories, if anything? Was it poetry? A song on repeat? A gorgeous gifset? A walk outside? A book you read that made you want to change everything? Whatever it was! Tell all.

unfortunately the thing that inspires me most continues to be running/exercise. i cannot even begin to tell you how many plot bunnies/outlines i wrote in my head during runs last summer when i was training for a race. idk what it is, but when i'm locked in with my headphones on, my mind starts to wander and it gives me some really good ideas (and some wild ones, but those are fun too from a creative standpoint)

4) What is something you want to share about what you’ve written this year? A particular line, a comment that made you feel really good, a scene that was difficult to write — you get to choose! What do you wish someone would ask you about when it comes to what you’ve written?

god, i don't know. i've gotten a lot of really wonderful comments this year, too many to pick just one.

a scene that was difficult to write would probably be all of chapter four of orange juice, that fic overall is hard to write (but i still want to finish it someday)

but i write more fluff than anything so i also wanted to add a scene that was really fun to write, and that was writing mickey high as fuck in i need you (like cake on my birthday)

and to start off 2024…

1) Do you have any writing/creation goals for the year? What are they?

my goal for the year is to write two (2) complete multi-chapter fics. i mostly exist in the oneshot world in the shameless fandom, but i miss plotting big long fics and i really want to try and stick with at least two this year.

2) Is there a fic or idea that you’re really excited to be able to continue to work on in the new year (shout out to my fellow fic writing folks who take forever to finish wips, sometimes it’s nice to be able to continue working on something even if you wish you’d gotten it done! Now you get even MORE time with it!)

i think rock star mickey au is the idea that i most want to see come to life in 2024. i've been plotting it in my head since like july and one day i want to be confident enough to actually write the vision that plays on a loop in my subconscious.

3) What’s something new in your writing you want to try/are going to try? A different writing style? Different fandom? Darker works? Fluffier? Longer or shorter?

god, i mean, i guess i want to try writing more smut? i don't write a lot of it rarely any ever but i want to put a little bit in my big bang fic, and maybe some in some other fic ideas i have too. so yeah. maybe i'll try more of that in 2024 idk don't quote me on it.

4) What’s something you love about your own writing that you will continue to appreciate in the new year?

honestly i really like the way i write dialogue. it sounds very natural to me, idk if anyone else agrees, but when i re-read some of my fics i'm just like yeah exactly he would say that

(and maybe it's bad or wildly out of character but idk. i like it.)

tagging anyone who wants to play <3 happy 2024 my friends!

[lovejustforaday]

2023 Year End List - #16

16. We Buy Diabetic Test Strips - Armand Hammer

Main genres: Experimental Rap, Abstract Rap

A decent sampling of: Hardcore Rap, Conscious Rap, Industrial Rap, Political Rap, Cloud Rap

Why yes, I am a white nerdy indie rock fan who is also a big fan of experimental hip hop and loves Billy Woods projects. Shocking, I know.

Armand Hammer have been building a reputation for themselves for a good while now as one of the best 'underground' hip hop projects out there. And it isn't hard to see why.

These dudes are mad creative, spitting rhymes with a nice mix of esoteric wordplay and revolutionary messaging over beats that are always disorienting and challenging. And Billy Woods' disciplined, syncopated flow of sharp wit and bleak observations has a lot of natural chemistry with Elucid's more intuitive and rhythmically jerky, hardcore-meets-abstract style.

Shrines was a highlight of my 2020, spent in a lot of isolation and thinking about the systems that had gotten us to this crummy point in time. Meanwhile, 2021's Haram was a little bit less of a memorable project for me.

As for this one - yeah this one might just be my favourite project from the duo yet.

We Buy Diabetic Test Strips is a melting pot of tricky and eccentric beats, anxious, avant-garde production, and a plethora of lyrical topics ranging from religion to philosophy, race, sexual encounters, hustling under capitalism, and subverting the establishment, turning these ingredients into a viscous, complex bitter juice with the distinctly metallic scent of blood. This mf is dense, more so than probably any other rap album I listened to this year.

JPEGMafia's production work is sprinkled throughout this project. Apparently he used to have beef with these guys? Idk, it's exhausting to keep up with artists dissing other artists, and ol' Peggy seems to have beef with a lot of folks. Regardless, the dudes made up, and this has probably been my favourite year for him appearing on projects, between this and his collab album Scaring The Hoes (which just got snubbed from the honourable mentions, but I'm sure plenty enough people have already written praises for that one for their own year end lists anyway).

Anyhow, let's get on with the track breakdowns.

"Woke Up and Asked Siri How I'm Gonna Die" (song title of the year, obviously) is slick fucking cloud rap, like a soft layer of gossamer gauze obscuring images of carnal sex and the ugly feeling of emptiness. Very rapturous sound design throughout.

"When It Doesn't Start With A Kiss" is a maelstrom of a hip hop track, going from bubbly, uncharacteristically melodic electronic production during Elucid's verse efore being completely submerged in echoing, deep sea depths on Billy's.

A chilling marimba line opens "I Keep A Mirror In My Pocket", which turns into a clangorous changing meter featuring vibraphone, toms and kicks, and periodic alarm sounds coming from some weird-ass sample. Hallucinatory and abrasive all at once, like being haunted by some demonic tinnitus. I could see how this track would be off-putting to some with more sensitive ears, but I am a real masochist for the kind of organized chaos displayed on this track.

"The God's Must Be Crazy" tackles the CIA's involvement in the crack cocaine crisis which wreaked havoc in Black American communities in the late 20th century. The beat jitters with fidgety anxiety, brilliantly recreating the atmosphere of journalists unraveling dangerous, classified truths, nervous addicts that can't sit still, and the general horror of bearing witness to a drug crisis. The wordplay on this is also just godlike. Perhaps their best track yet.

I do think the mid-section kind of totally dominates this record. Tracks 4 through 8 are mostly mind-blowing, but then I'm a bit worn down by the last stretch of tracks, penultimate "Switchboard" notwithstanding, which is definitely another standout cut.

It could definitely also be that I just haven't spent enough time with this one - Armand Hammer's music is like a fine wine with many notes, and it takes time to unravel all of the wordsmithery, old hip hop references, socio-political history, and heavily layered production with multi-faceted beats that resist predictability.

Either way, Armand Hammer are still dishing out some of the craziest beats and flows left and right all over this thing. Nobody could call these guys unoriginal, and I don't see the duo slowing down any time soon. We Buy Diabetic Test Strips proves that Armand Hammer are still one of the most essential acts out there that are really working to keep the world of hip hop music endlessly fresh and groundbreaking.

8/10

Highlights: "The Gods Must Be Crazy", "I Keep a Mirror in My Pocket", "Woke Up and Asked Siri How I'm Gonna Die", "When It Doesn't Start With a Kiss", "Switchboard", "Niggardly (Blocked Call)"

[doublegoblin]

aries, gemini, and pisces for the zodiac asks? (from @catchingbigfish)

Thanks for the ask mysterious sunglass person~ @catchingbigfish (idk how anons work for the sender so I just tagged you again just in case)

aries: when have you felt the most confident in your writing? when have you felt the least confident?

So something that was surprising for me was how comfortable I felt describing scenery or at least trying to get the vibe of it. In a sense I felt like an artist with their brush or pen and as I ran it along the canvas the image just kind of spills out and engulfs the white. When I was first getting started I hated the idea of talking about the setting and making notes of where the POV is meant to be. The more I did it though, and stepped out from my own internal voice, it's my jam honestly.

Least confident would have to be character descriptions and/or pacing. I just dislike the idea of personally setting a characters appearance in stone (no idea just vibes). Pacing because I have the ADHD and want to get to the new part NOW (something I am working on while editing lol)

gemini: how often will your plot change throughout the course of writing?

One-offs, not a lot.

My WIPs, it really depends. Rituals and Red Tape has gone through about 4-5 changes as I've written it. It all comes down to if I've had a bolt of inspiration or as I'm writing the core concept has became more forward.

Interacting with others in a text base medium? All the time!

pisces: how do you visualize scenes? do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

Ooooooh man I was hoping for this one, idk why, always assume vibes.

So it's a little of both and a third thing! It also depends on what exactly I'm writing and if it is a scene I know I want to write or if it's something that is emergent. How it usually goes though is I have a scene in mind, just like the thin vapours of one. An example of this would be in Rituals and Red Tape when Alex (POV char for those who I haven't beaten over the head talking about) is going to meet with their boss Dave for an employee review.

So boom, I have an idea of an idea. Then it often comes down to a song or some other media making that initial spark. I then enter what I am going to call the storyboard phase. Key moments and stills pop into my brain as the song plays (often I will keep starting it over to keep the juices going). Once I know the rough trajectory I open up the word doc and this is where the fun begins.

It is a full mishmash of movie playing in my brain and words flowing out all at once, they are indistinguishable for me at this time. I am no longer writing I am opening the portal and letting the contents become realized through me. I just kind of enter a flow state where (I am going to smell my own farts for a sec) I am no longer the author but the transcriber. I let the creative part of my mind take complete control, with no regard for grammar or diction. If it fits the vibe for the sentence to end. It does. I wouldn't call it a trance per say, but my internal dialogue is no longer my own voice, it takes on the cadance and tone of another (i.e Sir David Attenborough or Jacob Geller etc...).

Sometimes I even find myself typing to the beat of a silent score for the scene lol.

This kind of thing is also true for the smaller and more intimate moments.

Which this is all great and stuff, except when I get going while at work and then my lunch break is over lol.

so yeah...for lack of a better term, I kinda go full imploring of the muses. And I love it, honestly the most fun part of writing for me.

um tl;dr, I kinda go through the motions of animating, but with words.

THANKS AGAIN FOR THE ASK!

[elderdragonblu]

For the behind the scenes fic asks: Lacuna - question 6, 7, 12, and 19

Dwjsidhsjsjdjd thank you for asking :D, now I’ll talk your ear off if you don’t mind:

6 - What do you need to write? Is there anything special you need to do/have to help your creative flow?

In general, I use music to help my creative juices flow, mostly because I get so easily distracted with things that I need something that’ll force me to sit down and write. Writing is one of the things I love, and simply need a rope to tether me down. Tones of music can also help me set the right mood for stories, like if I’m writing generally really depressing stuff, my Spotify will be full of really depressing music.

For Lacuna in particular, I used specific songs to help me capture the vibe. Sometimes songs inspire me to write so it was definitely fun. The songs I used for general sad tones or bittersweetness were Ghosts by Trampled by Turtles, Mice On Venus from C418, and Video Games by Lana Del Ray.

There is also an unintentional thing that helps keep my creative juices flowing, too. I have a condition called maladaptive daydreaming disorder, and to put it in short: it’s a disorder where you have a really overactive imagination, it distracts you from everyday life, puts you in vivid daydreams, and makes your life inconvenient as hell. It helps give me ideas and inspiration, but the constant urge to daydream or act out daydreams interferes with my life greatly. Especially considering I have thing to do like basic house chores for example and the urge can get unbearable at times. It sucks mostly because people undermine the severity of this condition a lot and since it’s not even, like, researched enough it’s very much not seen much in society.

Gives a general idea to what I go through for my creative process lmao

7 - What inspired the idea for the plot?

A lot of what I write tends to delve into a characters mind and bringing their thoughts to the forefront. I guess it’s considered character studies, but I tend to only look at trauma and see how certain characters deal with it and whether or not they want to get better. Do they shove their problems down and try to ignore it? Or do they want to face the problem on their own? Etc.

For Lacuna, it was no different. But I also watch animatics on YouTube that can help fire up the process. I can’t recall any atm and idk if I could even find the one that inspired this process. But there’s many images of people just watching rain and waiting for a storm to pass that I genuinely enjoy and get inspired from. Sitting in the rain and contemplating stuff is especially fun to write, even more so with Max’s character considering all the shirt she went through.

Though, Jack Stauber’s rain is actually one thing I can recall that gave me so much inspiration to help me write this story.

12 - Was there a scene you wished you could have included? Why didn't it fit in?

There was going to be a scene where Max stepped out into the rain and would just stand in there. She was just gonna kinda sit there and all those emotions would just barrel towards her. She’d be trying to process all of it when Rachel would find her and get her out of the rain. I would’ve also included Rachel just helping Max take a bath because of her sort of spacey state. Chloe was also going to have more of role too where she’d just hold Max a while after she got out of the bath. Even some wholesome talking while the three of them were in the bathroom with only Rachel and Chloe talking.

Ultimately, though, I didn’t add it in. Of course, I really wish I could, but it was really difficult to try and write someone processing emotions about things while also trying to have a whole side story going on literally right next to them. I’ve done it before, but with Max’s trauma I want to do it justice and at the time I felt like I couldn’t so I just didn’t add it in. And it also just felt like too much? Like the story wouldn’t have fit if I added the scene. Though, honestly I should’ve just tried and heavily edited it and then just send it out there.

19 - Is this one of your personal favorite fics? Why or why not?

With all of my fics ever, I actually hated it for a long time. I get really insecure about my writing and tend to think I’ll never get anywhere with it. I’m extremely pessimistic and when I got such a positive response on my work it really encouraged me. I was like “okay, wow, maybe I don’t suck that much.” And with all my fics again, after a while of not reading it and just focusing on other things, it grew on me. Now it holds a nice place in my heart because I feel like I did fairly well on it. Plus it was the first story that helped kick me off into actually wanting to write more on AO3.

Personal favorite is a little bit of a stretch, but it’s not unreasonable. Definitely a favorite.

Thank you for asking!! Again, I will never shut up so please ask away if you want to, I don’t mind sharing anything about my process!! :)

[taetaespeaches]

“I love you more than coffee.”

yoongi x reader (or oc) (feat. Tae & Jimin)  genre: fluff word count: 1.3K

a/n: I swear this was supposed to be like 500 words idk how I do this lmao. AND THIS FIC IS WAY MORE COMPLICATED THAN IT NEEDS TO BE. Anyways, this turned from being a silly Yoon/Kid fic to a mess featuring Tae and Jimin with appearances from Dear and Peaches. Idk what it is, but a Tae fic will be written to expand on what is happening with him and Peaches here. But in terms of Yoon/Kid, I think it shows the easy comfort they have, and that’s why I’m still pleased with this. Anyways, this is sort of edited, sort of not, so I hope it’s easy enough to read. And I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for reading :))

SUNLIGHT seeped through your bedroom window much earlier than you would have preferred, saturating you and the bump in the sheets next to you in its warm glow of a fresh new day. You desperately wanted to cover yourself back up in the duvet and cuddle into your boyfriend for another hour or three, but the sun was heating you up too much to fall back into slumber.

Instead, you crawled out of bed, not particularly carefully, but quiet enough to hopefully not disturb the man buried in blankets. You and Yoongi were… not morning people. Both of you worked hard in your respective careers and creative outlets day in and day out, and that meant you slept hard.

That also meant you both relied on coffee to get you going every morning, and lots of it. Pulling on a pair of your boyfriend’s sweatpants and some socks, you made your way out of the bedroom, gently shutting the door behind you before dragging your feet toward the kitchen.

Upon entering the room, you found Taehyung and Jimin sitting at the kitchen counter staring off into space, both of them snapping their heads towards you in perfect synchronization at the sound of your entry. 

You nearly asked them what the hell they were doing in your apartment before remembering you insisted they stay over after a night of movies, pizza, and drinks turned into Taehyung drunkenly confessing to the three of you that he was thought he was in love with his best friend. Jimin drunkenly told his pal that he’d been there, done that, it came with its challenges, but overall, “10/10 would recommend.” 

“I feel like death,” Jimin mumbled, dropping his head onto his arms that were folded on the countertop in front of him. Taehyung continued staring at you before shifting his gaze directly in front of him again, not uttering a word as if the action would trigger the throbbing headache he was trying to fight off with his weapon of choice: silence.

“I’m guessing you guys haven’t eaten,” you said, looking at the two boys, nearly laughing at their states. Jimin shook his head. You gave a single nod, walking to the cupboard to first start with�� “Fuck.”

“What?” Jimin lifted his head in slight concern, Taehyung’s eyes moving back to you.

Yoongi’s words from the day before echoed in your head as you sighed.

“I used the last of your coffee this morning.”

He even offered to buy you some more, but you assured him you had to grab a few things anyway, so you’d just pick some up while at the store.

As if some fairy god mother or guardian angel or some shit was looking out for you, you opened the cupboard door in hopes that there would miraculously be a new bag of coffee sitting there. “Well,” you started, finding that the empty spot where the coffee should be was still indeed empty. “That sucks.”

“What’s happening?” Jimin spoke up again, lying his head back down on his arms.

“I forgot to buy coffee,” you admitted, closing the cupboard door.

“Uh oh,” Jimin sing-songed, you turning toward him to shoot him a glare. At that very moment, the three of you heard the shuffling of your waddling boyfriend coming down the hallway. Entering the kitchen, he found the three of you staring at him, causing him to pull a face of confusion.

“What?” He asked, looking from you to the two younger men.

“There’s no coffee,” Jimin groaned, Tae looking down to his hands, slowly coming further back into world of the living.

Yoongi’s eyes hung on Jimin for a moment before they slowly panned to you, his expression empty.

“I’m so sorry,” you pouted.

“I thought-” Yoongi started, cutting himself off as he walked further into the kitchen toward the fridge. “Do you all want eggs?”

“Baby,” you said gently. “Are you mad at me?”

“No?” He said in confusion, meeting your sad eyes. “Why do you look like that? Stop being silly, I’m not upset.”

“But you love coffee,” you pointed out through your pout.

“I love you more than coffee,” he told you, a sudden gasp sounding from the kitchen counter. You, Yoongi, and Jimin all turned to stare at Taehyung and his sudden expression of surprise, the first sound from the man since last night.

“Sorry,” Taehyung apologized, his eyes traveling from one person to the next. “Just surprised me.”

You giggled as your boyfriend shot him a ridiculing look. “Why would that sur- are you even alive right now?” You boyfriend asked Taehyung as you stepped toward him, kissing his jaw.

Just as Yoongi wrapped an arm around your lower back, pulling you into his side, a sudden knock on your apartment door pulled each of your guys’ attention to the sound. Staring at the door, Jimin crawled off his stool to answer it.

The cheery voice that resounded from the hallway was instantly recognizable as Jimin’s girlfriend’s. Moments later, Jimin and his girlfriend walked into the kitchen, Jimin looking ten times more enthusiastic than he appeared just a minute earlier.

Next, rounding the corner was Taehyung’s best friend, who he had admitted he believed he was in love with just the night previous. The two girls had become quite close through Jimin and Taehyung’s close friendship. You and Yoongi both looked to Taehyung in concern, taking note of the way he sat up but didn’t smile, instead looking pained and sad.

Looking back to the girl, you saw she was balancing a cup carrier with three coffees in one hand and a bottle of juice in the other hand. That’s when you realized both Jimin and his girlfriend were carrying coffees of their own.

“This one is for you, Yoongi, and this is for you,” the sweet, sweet girl told you both after setting the carrier on the counter, pointing to your respective cups. She pulled the other one out for herself just before she rounded the counter toward Taehyung.

“Oh my god, I knew I had a guardian angel,” you told the girl in appreciation, watching the smile spread across her face, though her eyes were set on Tae, her gaze somehow soft, intense, and curious all at once.

Yoongi kissed your temple quickly before stepping from you and grabbing his coffee. He wasted no time in bringing it to his lips, taking a long sip of the warm liquid, taking a contented sigh as he lowered it, staring at the cup.

“I do love you more than coffee, Kid, but right now I think I love her the most,” he said, still staring at the cup, Tae surprisingly chuckling at the comment as she handed him his juice, running her hand through his shaggy hair.

You stared at your boyfriend in disbelief, watching as his lips curved into a gummy grin, his eyes meeting your offended ones, though the expression was feigned. He lifted your coffee from the carrier and waddled back to you, placing it into your hands. “Only kidding,” he mumbled, giving you a peck before taking another sip of his drink. “Sort of.”

“Keep it up, Min,” you told him. “I’d love to see how far you take this.”

“I’ll make you breakfast,” he told you with a soft smile, moving back to the fridge.

“Good start,” you held back a giggle as you took a sip of your coffee. “Fuck that’s good, never mind, I’m in love with you too,” you told the girl.

“Hey,” your boyfriend turned to stare at you, his hands full of eggs. You expected him to act offended, claiming you as his, or maybe make a comment about how you betrayed the man making your breakfast. Instead he surprised you with a small gummy grin and a playful, “she’s mine.”

Well, maybe there were three of you in the room smitten with Taehyung’s angelic best friend. But looking at your boyfriend’s gorgeous features as he smiled, his cheeks fluffy and full, you were filled with a mixture of pride, appreciation, and happiness with the knowledge that he was yours, and you were his.

[fruitychaos]

character writing prompts to get in their head

when i have trouble writing a character, sometimes i enjoy sitting down and writing as though i am journaling as that character. idk if it’s effective at all, but at the very least it is fun and gets the creative juices flowing. alternatively these can be used as journal prompts :-)

- what is the biggest risk you have taken? were there any consequences to that risk?

- are you good at handling or managing your emotions? what are your emotional habits? do you tend to bottle things up, overshare, or regulate your emotions well? 

- if you were required to choose to stop feeling one emotion for the rest of your life, what would that emotion be? why that emotion?

- have you ever deliberately hurt somebody for your own gain? do you regret doing so or feel apathetic towards you? would you do it again? alternatively, have you ever indirectly hurt somebody in pursuing self-benefit? what were the repercussions?

- what is your biggest irrational fear? explain that fear and where it comes from. is there any underlying trauma that could be the cause of that fear?

- what is your proudest moment? what made you so proud of said moment; was there buildup that lead to the moment happening?

- are there any specific objects that bring you nostalgia? what are the stories behind these objects and the emotional connections they bring?

- if you had an important job interview coming up, how would you prepare? what would your job application process look like?

- do you spend more time daydreaming or focusing on the practical aspects of life? what about either of these things appeals to you?

- what is the first memory of life that you have? is it foggy or clear in your mind? does it bring you joy, apathy, sadness, or anger?

- give an example of an embarrassing email or dm or text message that you have sent. is it something that you look back on at and laugh or is it something that makes you feel tight in your chest?

- imagine you are going to a therapist for the first time. do you open up to your therapist right away or does it take a long period of time? are there things you still hide?

- what is a song that instills a strong emotion in you? what emotion does it instill? what does listening to that song make you want to do?

- if you had to listen to one pre made spotify playlist for the rest of your life, what would that playlist be?

- what is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you? what made that gesture so memorable?

- what was your favorite childhood game? were you more interested in board games or playground games? what about said game made it so appealing?

- what is your social media website of choice, if any? what about said website appeals to you?

- if you could live forever but never fall in love or live only to be 80 but have a soulmate to spend it with, which would you choose?

perhaps i will post more some other time if anyone is interested :> 

[sevensided]

how did you get into writing fic? i'd love to start but idk even where to begin! I loved adats so I was wondering do you have any advice?

Oh my goodness! I am so flattered you’ve asked me this. Yes, I can absolutely help. I’ll throw a bunch of rambling under the cut.

I started writing fic probably when I was... sixteen years old? A lot of my early works were oneshots. I couldn’t figure out how to do anything plot heavy for the life of me, so I just stuck to AUs or whatever I felt like. I wasn’t in any particular fandom -- I really wrote whatever I had ideas for. I remember I tried once to do a plot-heavy story and I received a review absolutely ripping it to shreds. Like, it was so cruel I cried lol. I ended up deleting the fic. Years later, I get what they were trying to say (basically, more substance, less style), but at the time it cut to the quick. Really, it was only when I was in my twenties that I started writing work that was longer and/or better.

The fandom that helped me actually write plot heavy work was a historical-based fandom. As I’m a historian, it was perfect. I got to use my research skills and knowledge to create works that, above all, aimed to feel authentic. I mainly read historical fiction, so I was familiar with how that genre worked. Miraculously, people loved my work. I think I wrote about ~200k in the period of a year? These were several short stories (20-40k) and a few oneshot filler fics. While I was part of this fandom I also helped organise a Big Bang which was a lot of hard work but was extremely rewarding. Along with that, I interacted mainly with other fic writers, so I spent a lot of time chatting to people about ideas and encouraging other writers, and it just created a lovely medley where no concept was impossible or any line of dialogue too difficult. We supported each other and it was truly like a little commune. I gradually stepped away from the fandom mainly because it was just a part of my life at a very specific time, and almost as soon as that time was over, my love for that story/ship faded, but I firmly believe I figured out a lot of how/what I do now purely through that experience.

Regarding ADATS

With ADATS, it stemmed entirely from wanting to “explain” three months in canon (at the end of season three). I was interested in the idea of season four setting up Will/Mike in canon, and I wanted to test the source material to see if I could draw from what already existed to create something authentic. I began with that simple idea: what happened from July to October in 1985? Then I thought about the major themes I wanted to hit -- family, friendship, coming of age, sexuality -- and I nested them around the bigger concept: how do I get Mike from being ostensibly straight to realising he is gay? That meant thinking of two steps: Mike discovering his attraction to guys; Mike discovering his attraction to Will. Those two concepts were separate “arcs” that needed addressing in different ways. Balance was key to weaving them together and making the reader feel like they knew what was coming (and that they felt smart for putting the pieces together) without just rushing through and going “now kiss!” That’s partly why ADATS needs a sequel, lol: because it’s not finished!

Writing process

The first thing I do when I start to get an idea is I write it down. Sounds obvious. But when you have a killer line of dialogue come to you in the shower and you think “I’ll remember that” -- reader, you will not remember it. You gotta get it down ASAP! I do that the whole way through, as generally I’ll be thinking of scenes I’m stuck on and then it’ll just come to me and I’ll quickly jot it down.

The next thing -- or what I do in the meantime -- is start structuring. I plan. I try to plan a lot. Sometimes it’s okay to write “and something happens here to get them here”, because you’ll figure it out later, but for the most part I’ve discovered that planning is like gold and you can’t get enough of it. I break my work up into generally 3-4 parts/sections, and I treat each section like a mini story. So each part needs a conflict and resolution, and it needs to flow into the next section. You need to have a feeling of things evolving and maturing. Once I’ve planned those little bits, I start thinking about the bigger plot arc and how I can drop in hints along the way. I’m probably not a subtle or skilled enough writer to yet pull off that sort of gasping twist you get in really excellent books, but I’m trying to get there. It’s hard, is what I’m trying to say, but that’s okay, because we’re all learning.

Then I generally do aesthetic stuff. Sounds stupid, probably. But nothing helps me get more into a mood than doing a Pinterest board or -- most of all -- making a Spotify mix. I start thinking about the vibe and the general atmosphere, and then I almost exclusively listen to that mix when I’m working. Sort of like muscle memory? Just to get the creative juices associated with that particular selection of songs.

Another thing I’ll do along with plot structure is character structure. This is a biggie. I mean, a story is nothing without characters. So I’ll just jot down a bunch of bullet points of characters and particular aspects that I want to highlight or remember. I hate continuity errors in fiction. Like, if someone says they work on Maple Street but later in the fic they’re working on Pine Street. I hate that. So I keep note of specific things that my main character might notice at repeated points in the story (colours, places, smells, names, sounds -- so they’re all consistent even as the narrative evolves). That’s another thing -- your characters’ motivations. Not everyone is going to be a huge player, but they all do serve a purpose. The most important character is obviously your main character. I personally think it’s important to let your M.C. be an arse at times. They’re going to be mean, they’re going to misinterpret things or fly off the handle... just let ‘em. Let them be wretched humans, and then bring them back and make them realise what they’ve done. Let them learn! I love consequences in fiction, lol.

At the same time, I’ll probably start writing. We’ve already written down some snippets of neat dialogue or descriptions, but now we should start the actual process. For me, I used to start at the beginning. Usually this was the most fleshed out anyway: I’ll have a clear idea of the beginning and the end, but nothing in the middle. These days, if I have a scene in mind that I can’t forget, I’ll just write it. It will possibly get scrapped or rewritten, but that’s okay, because at least you’ve got it down and now you can devote your brain power to something useful (like figuring out what the middle is supposed to be). I’ll have half a dozen of totally out of context scenes just littered in my Word document that I’ll add to as I go along. Eventually, though, you’re going to start writing properly, and that’s when you write your opening scene.

Opening scenes: super important. Every time I write a scene I think: what is the point of this? What do I want the reader to learn or takeaway? Sometimes you do have filler scenes, but they also serve a different purpose (perhaps to establish a group dynamic or to explore/describe a character’s surroundings). Mainly, though, every scene should push something forward in some way, whether it’s character development or a plot point. So, with an opening scene, I always think you have to establish: where you are; who you are; what they are doing; where they’ve come from (in a philosophical and practical sense); and where they’re going (ditto). That doesn’t have to happen in the first paragraph -- that would be silly. But if you sprinkle that information in over time it’ll gradually build up a picture of your character and that way the reader can get an idea of who they are. You basically need to give a snapshot of what your story is about. This also goes back to the character creator stuff: where they are at the start should be different to where they end up. How that happens is, of course, because of plot, and because you’ve structured everything to the nth degree, we’ve got a very clear progression of that character’s growth (/s easier said than done lol).

General advice

Write down everything: every idea, a bit of dialogue, a description, whatever. Write it down. Doesn’t have to be neat. Just has to be on paper. You can’t remember everything, so if you’re spending time trying to hold those things in your head, it’s taking up space for new ideas to come along.

Structure, plan, structure, plan. Sometimes it’s boring and I hate it. Other times, when I’ve not written in a few days and I open the Word doc and think wtf is this supposed to be, I am very grateful for Past Me for leaving such detailed notes. Seriously, it helps so much. Oneshots don’t really need planning, in my experience. You just get those out there. But multi-chaptered stories really do, even ones that “just” focus on a relationship.

Whatever you want to write, commit to it. Space goblins invade Hawkins? Do it. Eleven and Max find themselves in a cult akin to Midsommar (2019) and must escape? Yes. Just... whatever you want to do, remember that you’re writing it for you. Write what most interests you, what makes you when you reread it go AHHHHH I LOVE THIS!! Because that makes it a thousand times easier to actually get on with the writing when you enjoy what you’re doing.

Write a lot. Every day, if you can, or at least at designated times. Occasionally I have a very specific headspace/vibe I have to be in, but sometimes it just hits me and I’ll say to my partner “I need to write now” and just disappear, lol. The more you write the more you write. It’s so, so, so true. Cannot emphasise this enough. When I wrote that ~200k in twelve months? It was because I literally wrote every. day. Or near enough. Remember that some days you’ll write 200 words, and other days you’ll write 20k (this happened to me with ADATS -- part of the reason I finished it so quickly was because I had sprints of writing 10k+ at a time that only happened because I was in the rhythm of it). Write, write, write. Who cares if it’s crap! No one will see it until you are ready. In the meantime, just write!

Probably last of all (although I could go on and on) is connect with other writers. If you’re struggling to start, sometimes just talking about it can help a huge amount. I hope it goes without saying that you can message me whenever you want, anon or not, and I will talk to you. We can talk about ideas or I can beta stuff, whatever you want! Find like-minded people and talk to them about what you want to do. Another thing this helps is in advertising your work when you do publish. I see a lot of first time fic writers get super down because they publish their magnum opus on AO3 but no one comments. Honestly, it’s because no one knows you’ve published! You don’t have to be tooting your own horn every which way, but just actively talking about your work and even collaborating with other content creators with get you hyped and other people too (and the input and encouragement other fandom members give is just... out of this world. Anon messages helped me finish ADATS when I was really worried I wouldn’t [that’s the truth]. Seriously, support is everything). When you have people excited about your work, you get excited. It’s really as simple as that.

I could go on but this is already horrendously long. I hope even a bit of this helps! If you want to chat or have any more questions, just hit me up any time.

[thinkingimmensely]

Okay. IV

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3

A/N: I have a sudden burst in inspiration and finally finished this chapter! Here’s to the hope this streak continues *crosses fingers*. I know it’s been forever and IDK if you guys still read this but I’m still trying my best to update as soon as I can, haha. I have also been reading fanfics again, thus a boost in creative juice.

Stay safe in these trying times everyone!

MATERLIST

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything from the Potterverse!

___________________

“Are you mental? What in the world were you doing back there?” You yelled as your friend laid in the sofa nonchalantly, throwing a ball up in the air and catching it as it fell back down, as if without a care in the world. You flicked your wand at the ball and it catapulted itself to the other side of the room before Sirius could even catch it again.  “Listen to me!”

“What’s the point?” He groaned and turned his back to you.  

You flicked your wand towards him and made him roll over and fall off the couch. “That was extremely rash. Careless and impatient of you.” You scolded as your friend rubbed his back in pain. “They changed the portrait,” you informed him as you ran a hand through your hair, “that annoying Sir Cadogan, still ranting on and on about knighthood I reckon.”  

“Well, you didn’t have any other brilliant idea, did you? Besides, what were you doing there in the first place?” He finally asked. When he entered the house hours ago after his failed attempt on getting inside the Gryffindor common room, he was welcomed by darkness and a letter from Dumbledore in the counter you left. It was nearly 4AM and you just arrived a few minutes ago.

“You read the letter, didn’t you? Dumbledore invited me, plus, I wanted to see Harry.” You mumbled the last part.  

Sirius smirked and approached you as you took a seat. “Did they all have their knickers in a twist?” He asked, his voice laced with mischief, as if he was actually proud with the reckless stunt he pulled.  

You couldn’t help but let out a snort, typical Black and his love to get into different heart-stopping situations. That was where he and Remus differed- Remus was your calm, and Sirius was like a whirlwind bent on destroying everything he passed through. Speaking of Remus, you still couldn’t get your meeting off of your mind, and your heart still picked up its pace every time you thought about it even though it started off the wrong foot.  

You kind of felt guilty with lying, even though what you said wasn’t technically a lie. Kind of. “Next time you try to go in, maybe try learning the password first, yeah? There’s a brilliant idea for you.” You murmured, not caring if your friend heard you or not.  

Talk around town was filled with nothing but Sirius Black the next few days. The theories on how he got in into Hogwarts became wilder and wilder that you heard a young Hufflepuff student babble on to anyone who would listen that Sirius could turn into a flowering shrub. Sirius had laughed for ten minutes straight at that. You became busier as well- McGonagall strode in one day asking to speak to you privately.

“Dumbledore has requested your presence in his office any time you are available.”  

You wiped your hands on your apron, giving your old professor a questioning look. “Um, you can tell him that I’ll be there in a few minutes then, just let me tell Madam Rosmerta-” You were about to head back inside before McGonagall cut you off.

“Actually,” She started and you stopped on your tracks and turned back to her, “I also have a request if it wouldn’t be too much for you.”

“Yes?”

She let out a sigh, “Well, I believe you are aware that Harry Potter is a Seeker in the Quidditch team?” You nodded dumbly, having no idea where this conversation was going. “Well, their first match is on Saturday and the students want to train during the evening. I have already asked Madam Hooch to oversee their sessions, but it would put me more at ease if you were there as well. For extra protection, especially since there is no sign of Black yet.”  

You blinked, processing everything she just said. She was basically asking you to keep an eye on your godson- You broke out into a smile, bobbing your head immediately, “Of course!” You stopped and regained your composure when McGonagall raised a brow at you, “I mean, yes, it’s no problem at all Professor; I’ll head to the Quidditch field every time I finish here then.”

McGonagall let out one of her rare smiles and nodded at you, she then told you she would be waiting for you so you could go to the castle together. Luckily for you, Madam Rosmerta had no qualms about you leaving early today so you left without much hassle and you and McGonagall headed to Hogwarts, making small talk here and there.

When you came here with Sirius, you didn’t expect to be going in and out of the school so much; especially since you’ve been laying low for the past ten years, leaving the Ministry and all that. “I believe you know your way from here.” McGonagall told you as you entered the castle, you nodded absentmindedly so she left you in the hall. 

The students stole glances at you as they passed by, some surely recognizing you from the Halloween feast. You stuffed your hands inside the pockets of your coat and made your way up the numerous staircases until you reached the familiar corridor that led to the Headmaster’s office.

You stood outside entrance covered by the large and ugly stone gargoyle. You were at a lost since McGonagall never mentioned the password to you. So how were you going to go inside now? Just before you turned on your heels to find someone who could get you in, the pathway opened as Remus came out looking rather under the weather. He stopped on his tracks when he saw you; he cleared his throat and fixed his tie. “Y/N” He tiredly greeted.

“Remus.” You answered with a nod. The both of you stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to talk about. You glanced behind him, at the stairway to the office, “Um, is Dumbledore available?”  

Remus turned and glanced at stairs as well, then looked at you again, “Uh- yes, yes he is, we just finished our discussion and he doesn’t have an audience now so...” He trailed off.

“Okay, I guess I should head in then.” You mumbled and walked past him before turning back, “Take care of yourself okay?” You told him. He gave you a curt nod before walking away, so you went on to your business.  

Sirius paced back and forth in the little house you shared. “Honestly, please sit down. You’re making me dizzy with all the pacing. It’s not good for the floorboards.” You snapped. He sat down next to you in the sofa and looked at you seriously. Despite the rather upbeat music that played from the radio in the corner, the room had a rather glum atmosphere.  

“Dumbledore wants you to-”  

“To patrol Hogsmeade and Hogwarts a couple of times in a week. Report to him if I find anything suspicious, or I see any clues where you might be.” You finished.

Sirius furrowed his brows, “But why? You’re not an Auror anymore, you don’t have to do shit for them.” He snarled. Because what ever did Dumbledore did for any of them when the Potters died? He gave Harry to those god-awful Muggles and hadn’t even tried to give a fair trial to Sirius.  

You looked up to your Headmaster, you always had, but sometimes... sometimes his actions frustrated the hell out of you. Sirius took your hands in his when he noticed your visibly upset face. “I shouldn’t have brought you here with me. I think they’re trying to get you back into their fold.”  

“Sirius, you must be forgetting something,” You gave him a bitter smile, “They’re not the enemy here.” Sirius sighed and dropped his head to your joined hands. You freed one and ran it through his black locks. “Besides, this just means I get to see Harry more often, and maybe help you if the situation requires it.” You smiled at the thought.  

“You’ll get to see Moony-” he mentioned, “You’re bloody miserable every time you see him again, I know you, when you came back after the feast and today, after that meeting with Dumbledore, you’ve been lost in thought. You still love him, don’t you?” He sat straight again and looked at you straight in the eye. “I don’t want to see you die a little inside every single time.”

Your smile faltered; you hadn’t realized that Sirius noticed. You thought you were being discreet about it. “I...” You inhaled sharply, “I never stopped.” You admitted for the first time, letting out a defeated breath. Your eyes watered as you tried to keep your emotions in check whenever Remus was the topic of your conversation. Sirius placed a warm hand on your cheek and wiped a stray tear away.  

“Moony’s a total git for letting you go.” He commented, you let out a dry laugh at that and he grinned. “C’mere” He pulled you up from the couch and held your hands, a playful glint in his eyes as he swayed to a different, but still upbeat song from the radio. He looked rather idiotic as he moved left to right in what could be called an impromptu dance. You laughed as he pulled you close and twirled you around at random moments, it was as if your worries and your hurt was being washed away and the once gloomy house was filled with laughter for the first time since you’ve been there. Remus, Peter, Dumbledore and the Dementors were faraway thoughts at that very moment because all you could focus on was your best friend who was swaying with you clumsily to a Muggle song the both of you didn’t even know the title of.  

As the song neared its end, your head leaned on his neck as he held you close, slowly turning with your hands still clasped together, relishing in the company and comfort the two of you gave to each other, but reality was slowly seeping back in by then and you stopped when the song ended. You pulled away from him; the two of you shared a look as static played in the background before you retreated to your bedroom, shutting the door softly behind you.  

___________________

Permanent Taglist:

@coffeeismylife28 , @oreofrappiewithblueberry

[ri-ahhh]

idk if you’ve heard the song toxic by kehlani but maybe you could write something based off that song where a tipsy y/n calls up her on and off ex (grayson) to come over 👀 i love your writing btw

It’s already late when your best friend Fallon knocks sharply on the front door of your apartment. You had texted her not even half an hour ago, all up in your feels after you saw Grayson’s Snapchat story of him and some friends at the beach, an unfamiliar and pretty blonde girl tucked under his arm in one of the photos. She had responded immediately, letting you know she was on her way.

Feet clad in your fuzzy pink slippers, the strings of Grayson’s old hoodie keeping the hood cinched around your face tightly, you heave yourself off your comfy couch and trudge over to the front door to let her in. When you swing it open, she’s standing there with her hands full with her purse in one and an obvious brown paper bag in the other.

You stand aside silently, letting her pass the threshold and dump her shit on the kitchen island. “You didn’t have to bring alcohol, Fal, you know I don’t drink like that anymore.”

“Exactly,” Fallon deadpans, whipping out the bottle from the bag. “You stopped drinking because of Grayson Dolan. I think you owe it to yourself to let yourself start drinking because of him, too.”

You push the hood off your head and take the blue bottle from her when she offers it to you. Your brows raise. “You bought me Don Julio to cry over my ex? Isn't this, like, $50 for a bottle?”

Fallon waves a hand dismissively. “That’s exactly why I got it; you’re not gonna cry over your ex. Wine of any kind is crying juice. Vodka makes you a dumb bitch, and bottom shelf tequila makes you cry, a dumb bitch, and a ho. You need the good stuff, so we can bring out the bad bitch. Who can talk about her ex, get it all out, without crying again, or texting him, or posting a thirst trap.”

You roll your eyes. “That was only one time I accidentally sent you that nude instead of Grayson. And we were still together, so it didn't count as being a ho. I was just giving my boyfriend good spank bank material.”

Fallon is already rummaging through your cabinets, in search of the nearly-forgotten shot glasses. “Babe, you know I support every woman’s right to be a ho as much as she wants, especially after a breakup, but this is Grayson we’re talking about. You two were so into each other, it was toxic. You fought all the time, and by your own admission fixed everything with sex. You’re addicted, and as your best friend, I’m inserting myself here to keep you from talking to him anymore.”

She turns around, two little glasses in hand, and looks at you then the bottle in your hands pointedly. You give in and pull out the stopper and the Don Julio Blanco to her. 

“Now, I’m not gonna get you drunk. But we’re gonna get enough in you to loosen up that tongue, you’re gonna get all your Grayson shit out before I leave, and we’re gonna go to bed happy and feeling better,” she says matter-of-factly, pouring the clear liquid into the glasses. She hands one of them to you. “Cheers, bitch.”

Right before you clink and tap, Fallon’s phone buzzes. She leans over to check it where it’s resting on the counter, and her eyes widen. “Shit...”

“What?” you ask concernedly. Fallon puts down her glass and starts typing madly.

“It’s my downstairs neighbor. She said Roxy’s been barking for nearly an hour straight and she’s gonna file another noise complaint if I don’t get there to let her out.” She stops for a moment and looks at you. “Shit. I’ll get evicted if I get another one. Like actually evicted.”

Fallon’s dog Roxy has serious attachment issues, which is usually extremely annoying, but right now you're thanking her. You love Fallon to death, but this isn’t exactly the friend therapy you needed or expected when you called her up to come over. 

“Dude, go! I promise I’m fine. I don’t need to worry about you being homeless on top of my shit.”

“Okay. I’m sorry, babe, I promise I’ll FaceTime you as soon as I’m home.” She’s gathering her things, leaving the tequila open on the counter. “Make good choices, please. Love you!”

“Love you!” you call out behind her as she rushes through the door.

The door slams, and it leaves a ringing silence almost as loud as your best friend. You look around at your suddenly empty apartment, your eyes landing on the still-full shot glasses.

What the hell? You snatch one of them off the counter and down it with a grimace. Admittedly, it was the best tequila you’ve ever had, but it’s still tequila. The burn travels down your esophagus and settles in your near-empty belly. The sensation reminds you that you’ve hardly eaten today, and one shot was probably more than enough considering your lack of food and the fact that you’ve probably reverted to being an extreme lightweight after not drinking for so long. 

You and Grayson have barely been broken up for a month, and despite how hard it’s been, you haven't been tempted to touch more than a glass of wine or an occasional Whiteclaw if the stress of the day was too much. But it never felt right to have more. Grayson is still a part of you, even though that’s part of the reason you broke up to begin with. The two of you were becoming codependent on each other, which was turning into jealousy and neediness that built up into huge, explosive fights and ended with you fucking on whatever surface was nearest.

It was, indeed, a vicious, toxic cycle. Even though you tell yourself it’s for the best, you also can’t shake the feeling that the two of you aren’t done. That there’s still hope for your relationship, especially now that you’ve spent time apart.

Fallon’s tactics have backfired as you stomp back to the couch and snatch your phone off the cushion. Julio has given you the liquid courage you need to do exactly what Fallon told you not to.

I miss u

A classic. You wish you had it in you to be more creative, but the simple truth of it is: you do miss him. You miss his laugh. You miss his smell. You miss coming home to him, either here or at his house, after a long day. You miss his kisses. You miss his dick. 

There’s little shame for yourself in admitting that. You used it to solve your problems, but you were blind to that before the breakup. Everything is more clear now, especially the fact that you still love him deeply. 

Suddenly, your phone starts buzzing. You don’t even look at the caller ID, assuming it’s Fallon calling impatiently from her car. 

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

The deep voice on the other end of the phone startles you, and you hold it away from your face to see his name in big, white letters. No longer ‘Gray’ with some heart emojis, but ‘Grayson Dolan.’

You swallow hard and put the phone back to your ear. “Uh, hi, Hey.”

There’s a beat of silence before he speaks again. “I, uh, got your text.”

You don’t say anything, picking at a piece of fluff on your slipper.

“I miss you too. Like, a lot. Too much.”

You bite your lip tightly, chewing it nervously. You hadn’t expected him to fucking call. Calling and texting had two very different vibes. Over text, you would probably say something cute and calm and ask if the two of you could get coffee tomorrow.

But a call? You can hear his voice for the first time in weeks. It makes you want to jump through the phone and wrap him in your arms, to cry in his chest -- from happiness or sadness, you’re not sure. Either way, this is the closest you’ve felt to him in so long, and it makes you weak.

Grayson may be loud, but he’s good at shutting up when he wants an answer. It’s one of the things that drove you most crazy when you fought. He’d yell his piece, then stare at you until you had a retort. Sometimes you did, sometimes you didn't; you were always both at fault, for the most part. 

You take a deep breath and find your voice at last. “Me too. I...I haven’t been doing so great. Without you.”

She hears him sigh. “Me neither.” He pauses, and you wait anxiously. “Look, I’ll be honest. I was with Ethan when I got your text and he...well, he doesn’t think it’s a good idea that I called you. Or that we’re talking to each other, period.”

He leaves his sentence hanging, almost like an open-ended question without phrasing it as such. You can't stop the laugh from bubbling past your lips as you shake your head. “Fallon was just over at my place and said the same thing. So that either makes us really fucking stupid, or our best friends just don’t understand.”

“Famous last words, either way,” Grayson chuckled with you. You can hear crickets chirping in the background, and imagine he’s sitting outside by the pool. The two of you used to like to do that together.

You decide to follow his example and head out to your balcony, plopping down in one of the plastic chairs with your knees tucked to your chest. “What do you think about us talking, then?”

He doesn't miss a beat. “I think I miss you. And I love you. And I know I fucked up a lot, but I’ve been actually reflecting on everything that was wrong with us and I think I know now what I can do better. This time apart has been really fucking hard, but I think it was a good thing. For me, anyways.”

Your lip finds its way between your teeth again. You clamp it hard to hold back the shake in your voice. “Me too, Gray. I wasn’t perfect by any means, either. But as long as we both know what we need to work on, I want to try again if you do.”

“I do want that,” Grayson sighs, relief flooding his voice. He laughs that laugh you missed so much. “You have no idea how happy that makes me. I’ve been driving E crazy having these meltdowns all the time thinking about how I fucked up so bad that I wouldn’t ever get you back.”

You smile into your knees, and decide in that moment to risk it for the sake of your biscuit, which throbs at the mere thought and sound of him. “Is it too early to mention that I miss all of you?”

“Careful, or I might think you only want me back for my body.”

“I mean, I definitely had to use my imagination a few times without the real thing. I only had to think of you, though. How good you fuck me.”

This right here is probably where the tequila is coming in to play. Fallon was wrong again; you’re about to go Full Ho, having phone sex with your kind-of ex.

His breath picks up nearly imperceptibly, but you can also hear the smirk in his voice. “How many times did I make you squirt in the tiny house shed that one time, baby? That was so hot.”

“Mm, it was so good, Gray. I remember you had to carry me inside to your bed because I couldn’t walk. And then you fucked me nice and hard on your bed.” A rush of wetness floods your panties, and you squeeze your thighs together. “You came all in my mouth that night. I miss how your cum tastes.”

“Fuck,” he whispers. “Can I come over?”

You hesitate. You think of Fallon, of Ethan, of Don Julio. Of Grayson.

“Yes. Please.”

[latetaektalk]

tag games

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tagged by : @luvdsc​ thanks cat! this is super fun ✨

Which new trope would you like to try writing?

ex-friends-to-lovers!! in general i love any ex type of tropes!! a heist! au would be fun too

Which trope do you want to write again?

exes! like, i genuinely love that trope so much and feel like theres not enough out there!

Which draft are you most excited to post?

i dont write multiple stories at the same time, so the newest chapter of love to hate you

Is there any new genre you want to explore?

hm i guess fluff? i kinda write angst by default because i think fluff is kinda... boring and not dramatic enough, so i guess i wanna try out fluff!

Do you have a favorite line in any of your drafts up to now?

“Can’t you at least pretend like you think I’m funny?”

“Yeah, that costs extra.”

“And you scolded Jisoo for exploiting me,” Jungkook bit back.

“Well, you said you’re all mine to exploit, didn’t you?” you hummed, scrunching your nose. “You are my boyfriend after all, right?”

Jungkook stared at you, blinked three times before tilted his head to the side and tongued his cheek, defeat.

“Touché.”

Have you decided on any creative goals for 2021?

not really! i just try to write, have fun and improve honestly!

Describe your journey on this blog last year in three words! And three more words for what you hope for 2021!

2020: growth, friendships, fun

2021: growth, friendships, fun (dont really wanna change anything! im having fun!)

tag game two : 10 songs, 10 people

rules : you can tell a lot about a person from the type of music they listen to. put your favorite playlist on shuffle and list the first ten songs. then tag ten people. no skipping!

playlist chosen : love to hate you

kiss me - sixpence none the richer

anything you want - jawny

can i call you tonight? - dayglow

heartbreak in a box - juice

daydreaming - marc wavy

lover boy - phum viphurit

let’s fall in love for tonight - finneas

dontmakemefallinlove - cuco

strangers in a dream - phum viphurit

afterglow - taylor swift

tag game three : interview

rules : answer questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better!

tagged by : @lcksndkys thank you so much! these are a ton of fun ✨

name/nickname : linh 

pronouns : she/her

star sign :  scorpio 

height : around 170 cm or 5′7 

time currently : 10:30 pm

when is your birthday : nov 9th

favorite band/groups : exo, red velvet, bts, nct, superm, blackpink, twice

favorite solo artist : taylor swift, olivia rodrigo, harry styles, finneas

song stuck in your head : gone by rose

last movie you watched : get smart, i think

last show you binged : taskmaster

when you created your (main) blog : like april 2019 maybe?  

last thing you googled : how many seconds in a year

other blogs : this and my recs blog

why i chose my url : like late night talk, so i turned the night into taek because of taehyung, baekhyun and taeyong afdfsa

how many people are you following : 305

how many followers do you have : around 1.7k

average hours of sleep : uh not much? idk online class is kinda killing my sleep schedule

lucky number : 7

instruments : piano

dream job : dont know, but something that i enjoy and make good money at?

dream trip : vietnam, china, south korea, japan, england, france, netherlands

favorite food : potatoes, salmon, dim sum 

nationality : chinese 

favorite song : cruel summer by taylor swift,, its literally my most played song of 2020

top three fictional universes you’d like to live in : marvel, atla, we bare bears

tag game four : this or that 

indoor plants or gardens // cloud-watching or star-gazing // water or fire // paperback or hardcover // running or hiking // sleeping with socks or without socks // fruit or vegetables // hanging plants or succulents // dark wood or light wood // handwritten or typed // instagram or pinterest // braids or pigtails // dc or marvel // books or movies // oceans or meadows // forests or fields // sweet or salty // ice cream or chocolate // hoodies or sweaters // long hair or short hair // piercings or tattoos // summer or winter // boots or sneakers // cars or motorcycles // curls or straight hair // castles or cottages // sunny days or storms // reptiles or birds // disney or nickelodeon // strawberries or watermelon // essays or posters // phones or laptops // glass or stone // dark or light // photos or paintings // circuses or theatres // reading or writing // dogs or cats // poetry or novels // monsters or ghosts // thrift shops or libraries // fiction or non-fiction

tag game five : ten biases tag

rules : write down your top 10 biases and answer the following questions

seulgi

baekhyun

taehyung

joohyun

jungkook

jennie

chaeyoung

nayeon

mark

jongin

1. between 1 and 4 who would you rather kiss?

uhm cant i just kiss both? i could never choose between the two sadfsd

2. between 2 and 7 who would be your best friend?

chaeyoung because she speaks english but also because i feel like she and i would hit it off better

3. between 5 and 10 who has the better voice?

love jongin and his voice, but yeah jungkook 

4. between 1 and 8 who is the funniest?

ohh thats hard, but i think its nayeon adsfas 

5. between 6 and 9 who would you date?

jennie. if i have the chance to date kim fucking jennie, im dating kim fucking jennie. bye mark im not even sorry

6. between 9 and 10, who would you do a collaboration with?

mark! i feel like working with him would be so funny because he just talks and talks and talks asdfdas

7. between 4 and 8 who is the best dancer?

joohyun! 

8. between 3 and 5 who would you most likely marry?

uhm uhm uhm- i think im gonna go with taehyung? mainly because of yeontan asdadsf

9. between 1 and 7 who would you nurse when they are sick?

seulgi no fucking question asdfsd like sorry, bestie chaeyoung, but seulgi just owns my heart :((

10. between 2 and 3 who has the better smile?

i dont think this is fair at all?? because both have such gorgeous smiles?? im not choosing asdfs

11. between 6 and 8 who would you vacation with?

jennie! feel llike she would pay for everything and kinda spoil me,, also feel like she would want to do the craziest shit

[marshmallowprotection]

idk if you are willing but? please motivate me to draw? thanks if you do. lol

I'm not sure what kind of motivation that you need. I think if you really want to try to draw something, then you should just give it a shot. If the reason why you can't draw is because you feel like you have a mental block or because you're not sure that it'll turn out as good as it looks in your head, you don't know that. Art is a process that takes time and we can't instantly assume that something is going to turn out bad because if we keep working on and it can only get better. But if it's one of those things where you just feel lethargic and you don't know how to get started, that's another thing entirely.

What motivates me most to create something is typically an idea or something that I thought of when I was listening to a song. I think find a muse that helps you channel some of that energy that makes you want to create, and then run with it as fast as you can. You can't force yourself to do something even if you want to do it, so I think just take your time with it. Be kind to yourself. Just let the creative Juices Flow as they will.

[badteengyal]

Lemme write another think piece chile.

Y’all this one is about my favorite BTS songs because I have the time.

My time

Y’all need to give Jungkook his flowers for this one. This man made one of the best songs ‘Map Of The Soul: 7’ say what you want about the album but this is one of the best solo songs out of all the members and that’s just the truth. I can’t make the song not sound as excellent as it does.

(Also lil side note: most of BTS’s best work is in Map Of the Soul: 7 in my opinion)

Black Swan

Jin deserves an Emmy for his performance in this video. Say what you want this song is master work and is in fact the best song on the album. I would’ve said My Time but it’s a solo so I can’t do that so this is this song shall take the top 1 spot.

Filter

Park Ji Min did exactly what he needed to do with this one. In my eyes (with my glasss on of course) this NEEDED I repeat NEEDED a video Idk why it ain’t get one but if I get involved there will be a music video.

Jump

Taehyung’s verse.

Paradise

The instrumental is what does it for me everytime, like the song hits everytime ain’t nothing I can do about that.

Airplane (JHope)

Once I find out why this song isn’t talked about as much as it deserves I will intervene. This songs production is PERFECT wow. Like I went on a walk for like 2 hours and this song was one of the songs I played most. This song is simply amazing.

내 방을 여행하 법 (Fly to my room)

Best song on BE 🤷🏾‍♀️ say what you want it’s simply the truth I can’t change it. JIMIN’S high note is something for the books. Taehyung singing most of the song really does it for me.

UGH!

The best rap song I’ve heard by them. The best verse has to go to J Hope because of the creativity he displayed in his last verse. I love Suga’s verse tho because of how VICIOUS he sounds. But RM sounds like a super villain and it will always sounds amazing to me. They sounds so vicious, I love it so much. AHEM

House of cards

They were in their RnB bag, yup. This song sounds like “secs appeal” and we need to address it because it needs to be said. I need some more RnB music from them (Jungkook, JiMin and Taehyung specifically)

JAMAIS VU

I will NEVER forgive all the stans that didn’t tell me about this song. Y’all I heard this and cried almost immediately. Why was y’all holing out on me? Why? What was the purpose? Because the is is one of my top 5 songs by them. Some of their best vocals. Seokjin deserves his flowers.

소우주 (mikrokosmos)

One of their best “sad pop” songs. It makes me feel nostalgic and happy at the same time and I can’t explain it like it’s so happy but I feel cold and sad but somehow happy when I hear it. I love it sooo much.

Home

This is the song that made me go to the search bar and put them in my library and I’m so thankful that Beyoncé edit. Everyday I’m so thankful for it because I wouldn’t have gotten into them when I did without it.

00:00

I have no reason I just like this song.

IDOL ft. Nicki Minaj

Knowing that Nicki Minaj and BTS have interacted makes me feel happy about the song.

Anpanman

Simply just a banger ain’t nothing I can say about it.

Singularity

In his RnB fendi bag. Taehyung voice is sooo perfect for this type of RnB like they need to give him more solo’s and more RnB songs cause this was a serve. Deserves to be talked about more.

Serendipity

His vocals are breathtaking and stunning. A vocalist.

All night Ft. Juice Wrld

The song is vibe and Juice wrld’s verse is the reason I love the song. It needed more promo in my opinion because I didn’t hear any talk about it when it came out. Rip Juice Wrld ❤️

Blood Sweat and Tears

The song that introduced me into BTS and Kpop as a whole. I remember in 2016 I watched “iiSuperwomanii” react to this song and I liked the song but didn’t get into BTS until later and I regretted so much. The music video for this song is also amazing.

Telepathy

Now I understand how y’all might call this the best but in my eyes no one doing what fly to my room is doing ain’t nothing I can do about it.

Magic shop

They in their pop bag with this one. They need to do more songs like it.

Begin

Jungkook has no bad solos 😌🤷🏾‍♀️ it’s simply the truth.

That is the end of my favorite BTS songs that they have released so far. Wishing BTS the best in the future! ❤️🤍

[imacrowcawcaw]

Eyes of Juniper Ch. 1 (A Metallica Fic)

Ao3 Link

Author (as known on Various sites): Lady Lover- Rockfic, Luluthechoosingcrow - AO3, theladylovingcrow - Deviantart and Wattpad, @sammy_bluebells - Instagram, @imacrowcawcaw - main Tumblr, @insannywestan - Sanny shipping Tumblr Pairing: Lars Ulrich/James Hetfield, Kirk Hammett/Cliff Burton, Lars/Female Character (briefly), Lars/Male Character (kinda, more just awkward one sided flirting then Lars gets rescued by his knight in a ratty Motorhead shirt) Fandom: Metallica Tags/warnings: Sex-swap AU, early 80s era 'tallica, smut, gay smut, also het smut since the whole gender switch thing, drinking and alcohol, lots of cussing and profanity, should warn that Lars goes into detail about taking a piss cuz ya know it's new to him, Idk I'll add tags per chapter as I think of shit

Notes: 

1. Okay, so I spent like months thinking about whether to do this or not. On the one hand, yes this has so much potential to be fun (and I've seen some other sex swap stories i like). On the other hand, a lot of the whole sex/Gender swap thing is really stereotypical gender shit and goes against what I personally believe. But, creative juices won out and I'll try to keep true to character as much as possible while also making this funny and not too misogynistic (if that's possible).

2. This is a work in progress! I started it a year and a half ago, and now a friend is helping me continue 

3. This story is inspired by the song 'Jewel of the Summertime' by Audioslave (on their album Revelations) I love this song and it is awesome you should totally go listen to it.

4. The witch-lady is inspired by Aine, Celtic goddess of love, summer, wealth, and sovereignty. I literally just googled 'goddess of love' then scrolled through a list to find someone other than Aphrodite (don't get me wrong I love Greek mythology but it just wasn't right for this fic) and came across this girl. I only did a quick Wikipedia read, I'm not planning on going too heavy into her myth and more just using her for the plot but.... If anybody is more well versed in Celtic mythology and I seem to get something wrong, please feel free to comment and I'll try my best to make it accurate!

5. Woo damn that was a lot of stuff, I don't blame you if you didn't bother reading it. Now, on with the show!

----------

1984 (Lars' POV)

The first thing I felt when I woke up was this odd sense of.... well, just something being fuckin' off. Like I was missing something, but also like I had gained something? I felt like a brand-new person, although in my gut I was still me.... Man, I must have had WAY too much Jager last night, it's fucking with my head.

I slowly peeled the itchy fleece blanket off of my body and rolled onto the floor, which was about a foot from the bare mattress. We really needed to invest in some sheets, especially if we wanted to keep bringing chicks back to the house. Apparently, most girls are not at all impressed by stained, lumpy mattresses with almost no bedding on them.

Speaking of girls and mattresses, didn't I bring one home last night? I raised my head slightly from its position from the threadbare carpet and looked at the bed, trying to see if Anna (Was that her name?) was still there. Yep, there was a naked hippy still passed out in my bed, sweet!

I groaned quietly as I stood and shuffled my way out the door and down the hall to the bathroom. It was then I noticed that I didn't really have the usual alcohol-and-early-morning-and-piss induced erection, but my bladder was still straining. Huh, weird.

Whatever. I just wanted to pee, get rid of that feeling in my gut, and get that dead possum taste out of my mouth. Pushing open the door and wincing as the creaky hinges screeched through my headache, I pulled down my boxers and reached for my dick.... What the fuck?

WHAT THE FUCK?

WHERE WAS MY MOTHERFUCKIN DICK?!

Trying not to panic, I looked down, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment so I wouldn't have to see right away. But, of course, that kind of defeated the purpose of looking down, so I opened them again. No dick. The hell was going on?

Taking a deep, calming breath, I tried to think through this rationally. My dick, for whatever reason, was not where it was supposed to be. But, my bladder was still full and begging to be released, so obviously my system or whatever was still working. That need to pee was turning into a burning pain, so I tried to come up with a solution. If I don't have a cock, then I can piss through....what, exactly? Is there anything down there at all? What is even going on!?

Pulling in another deep breath through my nose, I let it hiss out between clenched teeth as I slowly, so slowly, touched my fingers to my abdomen and moved them downwards, dreading what I would find. Annnnnd....... Yep, there it was.

Velvety soft lips, slick, pungent juices; anatomy I knew so well but never, EVER expected to feel on myself. My crisis would have to wait a minute, though, 'cause my bladder was going to explode and no dick be damned I needed to do something about it.

Gingerly sitting my ass down on the toilet (god, so weird sitting down just to piss) I tried to slowly let it out. The feeling was...well there was certainly relief of the pressure, but it also felt strange in a way I couldn't really describe. I could possibly get used to it, not that I'm planning on staying like this or anything.

Cringing as I wiped, I slowly pulled the boxers back up to my hips that I just now noticed were a little wider than usual. And my hands, were they smaller? Softer? My chest too....HOLY SHIT I HAVE BOOBS! That, I might be able to get used to.

I turned to the mirror, and was quite shocked at what I saw. There was a girl standing there, with large, doe-like green eyes staring back at me from underneath brown bangs. She had a nice tan on her upper body, although her breasts were still pale where she clutched at them, small rosy nipples poking through her fingers. A pair of black cotton boxers stretched tight around the small curve of her hips, but hung loose around her milky thighs that almost touched. And this...this chick was me. ME.

Shaking my head, I splashed some water onto my face and rubbed my eyes, hoping it was just a fucked up dream. No such luck.

I was considering hiding in the bathroom forever, because no way in hell could I let the guys see me like this, let alone figure out how to explain, when I heard a scream. It sounded a lot like Kirk's voice, so I pushed my problems to the back of my head and ran into the hallway, stopping dead in my tracks at what I saw.

Anna, or whatever her name was, stood at the top of the stairs, dressed in flowing black robes with green Celtic designs all over them. She had jewels and charms hanging from her waist, wrists, neck, and ears, each tinkling as she tossed some sort of... Powder onto a very shocked looking Kirk. Or at least, I was pretty sure it was Kirk. He (she?) seemed to be in the same boat as me as far as bodies were concerned at the moment.

With a final dusting of powder, witchy-chick turned to me and smirked. "I hope you learn your lesson, I'll be back in a week. And as for you...." She turned to Kirk, "Well, you're just too damn cute! I couldn't resist seeing what a pretty girl you'd make!"

"This is your fault? You bitch! " I yelled. "Why the hell did you do this to us? Who are you? Change us back, then get the fuck out! I don't wanna be a damn girl, and neither does Kirk!" God this was fucking insane, that chick was crazy!

She hissed at me, eyes flashing in a way that could not be human. "Now you listen, GIRL. You'll stay like this for as long as I deem fit. You need to learn some respect for women, and being one is the best way to do that. I suppose you don't remember what you did last night?" She asked, looking bored and ready lo go fuck up someone else's life.

I thought hard, then it came creeping back to me. The bar, the Jager, the flirting with a group of girls, copping a feel and getting slapped, then her changing her mind and coming home with me, talking dirty in her ear, then unworldly sex, her whispering what sounded like a spell in my ear as I came... Holy shit.

"Is this about me grabbing your ass? I'm sorry! Please don't do this!" I begged, finally starting to let the situation sink in and desperation set. This could not be happening.

"Hmph," she snorted, "Begging isn't going to get you anywhere. I've seen humans beg for much less, and they still didn't get it. No, you'll love your life as a woman for a week, both of you, and hopefully you'll come to realize the struggles and terror that comes with it. If you've learned your lessons and are truly sorry, then you will be turned back. If not... Well you'll just have to stay like this until you do."

And just like that, she turned with a flourish and disappeared into thin air. My morning could not get any crazier, I was sure if it. But, because I wasn't actually sure and was suddenly doubting all logical occurrences in the world, I knocked on the wooden railing. That done, I turned towards Kirk.

He (seriously, do I call us he's or she's now? This is so fucked up) was shaking like a leaf, looking like he'd fall over any moment. I went over to grab him, calm him down, something.

"Shh shh, it's all right, Kirk," I muttered in his ear, awkwardly patting his back. I never thought I'd need to, but it really fucking sucks I can't comfort him any better than this. It was like this sour feeling in my chest that nestled in right next to my heart, whispering how awful I was at this and how he's probably mad at me for getting him into this situation.

Before I could ask him if he wanted to punt me out of a window, though, I heard some shuffling and talking coming from downstairs. James and Cliff were headed up here. As much as I wanted to hide for a week until my fuckin' "lesson" was up, I couldn't exactly drag Kirk into the hall closet in his current state, so I stood my ground.

"Hey, ladies, we do appreciate the service you've done our ugly ass friends, but could you keep the cat fight down until you've left the house?"

Ah, James, the man still didn't know how to talk to women after all this time. He was either too shy to form a sentence, or he put on this macho bravado that turned him into a drink asshole. Either way, this lady was not pleased.

By now I guess the guys had reached the landing Kirk and I were at and saw me hugging him, because Cliff chimed in, "Aww, they've made up! Good! Now, can I ask what exactly you two were telling about so loudly that it woke me and my boy James up? Did Lars do something?"

My back straightened at that, and I turned my head to him indignantly. "I did fucking not!" I retorted, even though apparently this whole situation was my fault. No need for them to know that, though.

"Holy shit, Lars!?!" James screamed.

I sighed. "Hi, Jamie."

----------

Chapter 2

[searchforthescars]

amanda, do you have any advice for someone who's just moved out for college? i moved out 2 weeks ago (i was supposed to move in the fall when school started but covid) & idk i feel so?? lonely? or sad, i guess? i'm a freshman & i was super excited leading up to it, but i got here & i'm in an apartment with 5 strangers & i'm overwhelmed with how many adulting things i need to do, like groceries & laundry & cooking. i always thought i was pretty independent at home & i've also been away for 1/?

summer programs or events for a week, 2 months, etc. so it's not like i've never been away from home before & don't know how to cook or do laundry or stuff like that. idk. i don't get why i feel like this & so overwhelmed (also, i think now i get why most freshman move into the dorms instead of going straight to an apartment haha). my roommates seem nice too, i just don't know them that well yet. i feel kind of silly & pathetic & baby-ish about this since i know i'm so lucky to be able 2/?

to move out, but mostly i just miss home & wanna go back to my parents & siblings & cats, especially since i don't have any friends here yet & can't meet any cause of covid. i'm 18 but i feel so much younger & it's kind of hard to believe that i'm 18?? like ahhhh i'm an adult??? when did that happen?? anyway, i'm sure it'll get better (or at least i'm telling myself it will), but idk what to do in the meantime. any advice?

Hey, kiddo!!

First of all, congrats on moving out -- I’m really proud of you for taking the next right step toward your future. You’re doing great <3

Second, don’t you dare think this is something you’re alone in experiencing; although it can feel incredibly isolating and terrifying, I promise that everyone has felt this way the first time they moved out of their parent���s/guardian’s home. I sure as hell did, and I was 20 with a college degree!!! There’s no shame in it, and I’m proud of you for being able to verbalize your struggles and reach out for help.

These are a few things that helped me when I was living on my own for the first time -- if I had known all this going in, rather than learning as I went, I would’ve had a much better time of it, so I hope these help <3 But if you have any questions or thoughts, my DMs are seriously always open to you, on- or off-anon. You deserve help and support and I’m honored to be trusted <3

Get yourself on a routine. Tbh, half of the reason why things feel daunting (at least in my experience) is that they feel nebulous. To combat that vis a vis household tasks like cooking, cleaning and laundry, I’d recommend setting up a weekly or monthly schedule. Look at your class schedule and any other commitments and figure out which weekday is best for you to do laundry, which nights you could meal-prep for the days ahead, and which weeks you’ll be cleaning your areas of the apartment. Jotting those down or putting some notifications in your phone calendar will help you a) remember to do those things and b) rest in the knowledge that you’ve given yourself some structure. If you feel you’ll struggle with actually doing those things, ask a roommate to be your accountability partner! They live with you, so they likely have a vested interest in you doing those things, and will certainly be happy to help out!

Give yourself something to look forward to. Missing your family is so hard, so plan when your next trip home will be. Plan a movie night or another activity with your roommates (in my opinion, PowerPoint Night is an absolute winner -- y’all can take turns presenting about literally any topic you want and it’s a great way to get to know people and what they’re passionate about (or passionately against).) 

Get a tiiiiny bit social. It’s really hard with COVID, and I know it’s also anxiety-inducing to be The New Kid, but even something as simple as attending a Zoom event hosted by a campus organization can give you a little bit of social engagement -- if nothing else, you’re hearing voices outside of your own and your roommates’! There are also a lot of Discord servers out there for video game friends, students, fandom folks, pretty much anything; the platform offers a streaming function, which many people take advantage of and can be a great way to engage with other people around something you both love. Having that little bit of enrichment is really helpful and goes a long way in making you feel less isolated.

Do something with your hands. Find a tactile sort of hobby - drawing, painting, bullet journaling, digital art, collaging, etc. - and do it regularly. I bullet journal, make stickers, and collage the New York Times Sunday paper once a week. Doing something with your hands regularly is a good way to get your creative juices going and help the time go by, and it often is therapeutic as well.

Exercise regularly. I can’t tell you how helpful it is to get moving. It seriously is good for your mind and body, and you’ll feel motivated to do other things once you work out. I didn’t exercise for the first three months I lived alone and lemme tell you, when I started again, there was a marked difference in my mental health. Go for regular walks around the neighborhood, or if there’s space in your apartment to do some simple bodyweight workouts, the Nike Training app has great free guided workouts under 20 minutes. There are also workout videos free on YouTube, everything from strength training to cardio set to popular Tik Tok songs. I like to exercise about 30-45 minutes a day but YMMV

Treat yourself. I ran myself hard and ragged when I lived alone because I didn’t have anyone to encourage me to do otherwise. Even though you have roommates, it can still be easy to feel like you’re just ships passing in the night and that the accountability they provide extends to chores or other space-sharing ventures. So hold yourself accountable for doing one kind thing for yourself every day. Eat a piece of chocolate. Splurge on a coffee once a month. Buy a book you want to read. Do little things to treat yourself because you can, judgement-free! You’re your own boss now!

I hope these help a little bit!!! It can be really overwhelming and scary to be where you are but I promise, you are farther along than you think you are, simply because you can recognize and articulate these feelings and are reaching out for help. I’m proud of you and sending you all my love -- if you need anything, you got it. I’m here for you <3