#idk why that was my immediate reaction
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holy shit did kipperlilly kill buddy so that if kristen died no one would be able to bring her back and the only member of the church of cassandra would be gone
#i mean there was a lot at play here#it sounds like buddy wouldn't have been able to revive them even if he hadn't been murdered because the gems weren't in his bag??#unclear whether he knew that or not - currently i'm inclined to believe he was being genuine about reviving them#but someone had stolen the gems so he couldn't. i might be giving him too much credit idk#but i think kipperlilly's original plan was to kill gavin pundle to sabotage their exam - buddy wouldn't have been able to bring him back#w/o the gems and neither would kristen. so their grade would be significantly impacted#and if neither cleric can bring anybody back and the proctor isn't there to oversee the fight the monsters might have just kept coming#until the bad kids really did all drop#but idk why kipperlilly would suddenly switch to killing buddy if that wasn't the original plan and if he already couldn't revivify them??#unclear also how much oisin knew of this. rn im wondering if he was onboard w sabotaging the exam but didnt know she was going to kill budd#& the plane shift was an immediate shock reaction#or i did see someone suggest he wasn't even there to see it which. is also possible#idk just. many thoughts. head full. what the fuck was up with that preview also#my post#d20#fantasy high#fhjy
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Roxana Prism and the Horrific Realisation She has a Crush on her Coworker
#started doodling this yesterday then....life. the horrors.#shes sooooo silly like I used to headcanon her being aroace because she didn't have the agency guide to seduction at her house#because i thought i was funny like that#and i still hc her as being either greyaroace or demiromantic & demisexual#so she gets a crush like. once a decade#and when she realises she does her immediate reaction is just. terrible news.#ieytd#i expect you to die#[agent moose's art]#roxana prism#roxanna prism#uhhhh#the fabricator#she's KIND OF THERE#roxafabby (??????????????)#im so scared to draw like serious ship art because god forbid people kiss in my sketchbook#plus idk if i could quite draw things in my mind thats why i value the written word because you really can get so much nuance in there#but SPECIFICALLY for ships#anything else i prefer to draw#idk maybe as i get better I'll be more bold about getting john juniper to kiss mista crane#ONE DAY I'll draw it properly
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loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!
#this isnt rly related to any character in particular i just thought abt this and it made me scream.#flirting at a bar Damn girl you look like youre trapped in a life you built to please someone else. and then i kneel down and pull out a 💍#sry i ran out of space for the full word ring. also why when i type 💍 Ohh theyre hiding it. bc now the emoji is 💍 Oh they changed it again#pox on their home..originally it was 🔐 sughested emoji#but then the second time it was 😭.... very anti marriage. well ig maybe the sob could be like OMG... YES!!!!! I WILL MARRY YOU!!!!!!#ngl getting proposed to is such a big fear of mine like. i dont think id ever be able to propose to someone so id have to be proposed to i#suppose but it makes me quite nervous not bc im like ohh nooo dont propose i just rly worry ill react the wrong way and theyll change their#mind. like its a very high emotion moment so ik i would be supposed to be emotional And i would be but idk if id do it in the right way . y#idk. what if my autism looms and i end up just being like 😐 on accident. fuckkk. what if i say somethinf dumb. like i try to be like YES !#but instead im like YEP! god. can you imagine. id have to just bury myself at that point. so embarassing. or like what if i get excited and#flap my hands but it was supposed to be more of a like. joyful crying type of thing... or what if im supposed to just be shocked and like .#Oh my god ....#and am I supposed to run at them and sweep them into a hug or do they do thst to me. UGH. ITS SO STRESSFUL. i suppose ill just remain alone#forever so I never have to confront any difficult situations ever again . Joke .#idk it just makes me nervous. but i suppose hopefully the person proposing to me will love me . that would be nice so hopefully they wont#mind if i dont respond the right way . and they wont be upset with me bc they love me eversomuch. a girl can dream i suppose... my head lik#is pounding sry. i need to sleep probably.. stayed up too late again -_- 8am -_- and im sposed to do laundry today But i dont want to . and#since im gonna fall asleep i fear it shant happen. UGHHH#wtvr. idk what my ideal proposal would be likeee. i don't want to be blindsided ig#i like surprises but Obviously im too worried abt like. my immediate reaction#+ i think its important to talk abt marriage Before proposing just so everybodys like#on the same page and such. Obvs... but ya. i dont think id want a super public proposal like. id like it to be somewhere nice with maybs#significance to our relationship and such. and its fine if theres like Some passersby but id hate for it 2 be like. somewhere crowded. or i#a restaurant or something#Altho if it was in a restaurant maybe we could get free food..#but maybe that can be just fake proposals later on. and our real proposal can be somewhere else. YIPPEEE. me and my imaginary future spouse#who is To be honest rather bare minimum#normal girl will be like Wistful sigh maybe my future spouse will even love me and wont scream at me and will like to listen to me speak 😍#but anywyas. my beddybye time. SURPRISE GN POST#woahhthis got off topic i forgot what the original post was this always happens. i do love characters like that
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For the most part I'm a person who can like continue to listen to music that I associate with someone after we break up or stop talking or whatever like I can usually disconnect it and it's fine plus there aren't all that many people I've dated that I can't think about without spiraling like ive made peace with most everyone but man the one big thing is I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to listen to beat happening in large doses literally ever again for as long as I live every time I try even though it's been like 11 years I'm like yeah nope
#its just way too emotional for me like i cant believe how much it still hurts even though im ostensibly over it if i hear their music im#immediately not#and its crazy cos its like idk i never even think about this person anymore unless i hear beat happening and then i feel Everything at once#and i will start sobbing#dont mix the colors came on shuffle and i was just not at all ready mannnnnnnnn man#actually maybe its only been 10 years i dont know i literally dont remember 18-20 basically#which is also why i think i have this reaction occasionally and most of the time dont even think about it#i need a tag for my like personal posts so people can filter them but i also dont wanna necessarily have them all in the same place#so ah well#but ughhhh man
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like i don't mean to be a debbie downer so don't come for me but how are they releasing an album just a few days after yeonjun's mixtape lmao this whole thing is so messy
#i'm sure i'll be hyped once we start getting concept pics and teasers etc#and i know yeonjun won't be promoting another solo song (i think) but i still wish they'd let him rest#bc i know the others had some time off while yj was promoting ggum#but he didn't!!!#and then december will come and we all know he's the one who will probably have to do more dance breaks and maybe even solo stages#which is unfair to all of them including him bc then he's gonna be the most oberworked member (again)#idk dude#usually when a new logo drops i feel so excited but when i saw the notification this time my immediate reaction was ''is this a joke'' 😭#it looks really pretty tho...#i wonder if we'll continue on the same story or if their lore is actually over#and i still don't get why the hell they'd release the mixtape in late october and then make txt have a cb in the first week of november#messy messy
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...
#love that when ur stressed and having a bad time it makes ur menstrual pain worse so you feel even more awful#like. yes. id love to get things done but unfortunately i need to go home immediately at 2pm bc i feel physically ill. vibes wretched.#im considering sleep here at 6pm but 2 b fair i think i only slept 4hrs last night. woof. tomorrow is gonna b interesting#i think the allergic reacting is abt over now tho. like im not really itchy anymore. the rash is still visible but i think its just dry now#bc of the cold. so was i ever reacting to the tatto0? or was it all the medication? im so interesting in what happened#would i not have had a reaction if i hadn't got a bunch of holes poked in my skin? or was it just a coincidence#that the rash started on that arm? ugh. so frustrating. and i think the psychiatrist forgot to actually book my appointment from when we#last talked so idk. maybe if i watch t4skmaster over and over it will heal my soul#ay. its all very frustrating. and i still dont have fucking autoclave access. fuck off. just give me the fucking key code#i just wanna pour plates 🫗 lol that actually looks a lot like pouring solid media. i dont wanna have to steal someone else's card to open#the door. who even locks up an autoclave??? they didnt at my old school and u could wheel a body into that thing. im pretty sure it was#bigger than this one. also there's another unlocked on on campus. why?! i ask ppl and fucking no one knows. that's just how it is#ugh. i should go to sleep. my tummy hurt#unrelated
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berleezy W 4 saying Sibling energy when mono n six held hands after shooting tha hunter
#i love cory but his immediate reaction ‘ITS LOOOOOVEEEE’ killed me LMAO#god i love six and mono so much . Fuckkkkkkkkk#i love thr little nightmares world . i love little nightmares#no dialogue and yet these 2 characters have my heart in a death grip!!!!!!!#idk i think there is something so beiatiful#i wish i could describe exactly how much and why i love little nightmares#just take my word for it feel the epic Burnin sun passion radiating from me
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man I'm low-key grateful for my late ADHD diagnosis cause after I told my mom her immediate reaction was to just force me to mask and be condescending about it and if that had happened when I was a kid that would just be another layer to unpack in therapy 😬
#cy says stuff#personal#do not reblog#in case it needs to be said#i finally made it home and had some interactions with her that made me realize like oh no#like they don't have my luggage still so I'm out of meds and i was like I'm gonna be going through withdrawal cause of that so#we can maybe get compensation from the airline cause that's fucked up#and her immediate reaction was to make a joke about how like she should avoid me cause ill cause problems i guess#and upon reflection i now realize that's fucked up cause like#uh oh is someone going to be GRUMPY? you're gonna be soooooo irritable LOLOLOL#and it's like. yes. because im going through WITHDRAWAL. like ???????#she was gonna keep going and i told her to stop cause she was going to say something that offended me and she was like#you're too sensitive it was a JOKE#and i had to be like hey you can still make jokes but there's things ppl are sensitive about and this is one of mine#and she was like whatever 🙄🙄#and idk it's like girl why am i parenting you rn like what 😭 this is basic empathy#you're a PASTOR FOR GOD'S SAKE#idk. imagine if someone went to her for support and was like oh hey I'm going through divorce rn#and she was like omg are you gonna be upset cause youre getting divorced?? better stay away from you then 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣#like yes this is actually a valid reason to be upset i literallyyyyyyyy#screaming crying upset#also these bug bites SUCK they woke me up#gonna call the hotel for compensation tomorrow cause girlie i didnt pay to bring bed bugs back to my house!#that's a little extra treat i really do not want
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i kind of want to give will catholic guilt/make him grow up catholic but poor people catholic
#psh what naw im not projecting my own lived experiences onto a grown ass man psh what nooo#i just think it would be really interesting to explore though bc then we can get into the good good catholic guilt#combined with hannibal's love of god but not necessarily any one kind of god/catholic god#another reason to will's list of why he Can Not do certain things/interact with ppl bc he is scared of sinning#or making them sin/being unclean#idk need more time to think about this than my gut reaction but i think exploring will's relationship with religion would be interesting#the fear mongering aspect of it too would add another flavor into his conversations with hannibal about god and god's will and what not#like just looking at the basic prayers said in a catholic mass is enough to send anyone into a spiral of self loathing and i am the worst e#ever like just READ the penitential act and tell me will wouldn't immediately condemn himself to hell forever#will graham
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while it should be kept 1000% to yourself sometimes you need to mentally do a little suibating when you’re mildly annoyed i think. as a treat.
#been doing it a lot more recently and idk why?#like. it’s all just hyperbolic hairpin immediate reaction stuff. and no one who’s an adjusted person would ever Actually say it#but I think allowing yourself to internally acknowledge it is like. fine. killing the cop in your brain or whatever#idk man just trying to reason thru my thoughts n feelings on this whole mess#I’ve just been an extra hater lately!!!!! and idk HOW to feel abt it so I’m. working thru it ig#bc even if i fully keep it to myself I’m like. IS it even cool to Do That??? idk. might try and chill it but I’m not fully sure *how*#bc it IS kinda first instinct and like. idk!!!!! idk. I’m having conflicting shits and you get the sanitized outputs of it#delete later#< maybe. idk
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Literally not related to anything current but there was one notable instance that made me want to trash my entire internet presence which is saying a lot cus I literally live here
#vent#being told ‘I love you but-‘ has probably never made me question anything more ever#idk man lol it just felt bad#my immediate reaction was ‘I’d rather shoot myself in the foot than open up and get told that ever again’ like WOO that#I screenshots it. idk why#I literally can’t get myself to look at it cus it just sends me into anxiety and sickness and whatever#guess it’s to like?? keep me in line??? idk I was just saying shit to throw out ideas and was hit with that and then I screenshotted it and#immediately deleted everything cus I refuse to leave that out in the open lol I’d actually rather get a concussion than deal with it
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hm
#i need tew say smthn#just to get it out of my head#and its v simple#a v v simple thing#and idk why its lowkey scary to say!#bc this has never been something ive been hung up about before ig ?#but#i fink#i fiiiiink. i do not like men. like at all.#yes i obsess over skz and whatevaaa but irl ? i think of dating a man and my immediate reaction every time is just.#ew.#no.#so erm yeah 😀#thats all. bye.
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looks like i will be.. skipping a lot of dialogue after quickly reading it over or maybe even turning off voice audio entirely this summer event
#wanna hear wanderer tho.. sigh#navia’s VA is fantastic too don’t get me wrong#nilou and kirara are part of the bunch that get under my skin and fill me with unexplainable rage#(overstimulation)#and paimon. can’t forget paimon#she seemed to have improved recently tho it’s just when she gets really excited that the pitch becomes painful#gonna bury my honest thoughts here#i feel like kirara is in a Lot of event + promotional stuff + story quests lately and i’m tired of seeing her#never cared for her in the first place#nilou is a sweetheart#but she feels very one dimensional to me#and her voices gets me too rip altho not as bad as it could be#more cringing away from it than actually physically painful#her outfit is cute ig doesn’t feel like anything special tho#i could talk about that more but it’s too much to add to the tags#emilee pisses me off and i might be overstimulated already and that’s why#i’ll have to come back when i’m in a better mood#we all know what i think about her outfit#kirara’s outfit is cute. it doesn’t feel special either because it has so many similarities to navia’s#maybe that’s intended idk i had to skip through the special program bc Voices#immediate reaction shark girl was kida from atlantis and i dig it#dark haired twink we always like those#neutral on the geo girl#i’m sure natlan has a dark side waiting for us to discover but i wish they were using that for promo#the happy colorful lively just isn’t my thing lmao#it’s cute it’s pretty but it doesn’t capture my attention#anyway that’s it for my initial reactions#for now
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when you introduce people and they start hanging out with each other without you 🥲
#I know its a me problem trust me#but it hurts like hell anyway#friendship trauma is real#and I've finally a found a solid healthier group of friends#but my immediate reaction is to be jealous#or assume theyre saying things about me#just because thats what my previous relations LEGITIMATELY WERE LIKE#its really hard knowing that this is something i shouldnt lash out about#but also previous experience has told me that i should express what I'm feeling???#but that can also be considered manipulative or guilt tripping#so idk#this is why i write in a journal every morning#and what tumblr is for apparently#anyway if you have any advice pls feel free to dm me :)
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Will never forget being a kid and telling someone i was south african only to have them ask:
"Did you have clothes in africa?"
"Had you ever had a bath before coming to Australia?"
"Did you live in a house with walls and bricks?"
Like. Yeah, I guess we were 8... But also i feel like a lot of people's understanding of "Africa" has never really progressed past that point.
#its why i get so like... tetchy about generalisations regarding africa#like. its one thing if people are like. have you ever seen a lion in the wild. cos like. for aussies you do just see the wildlife loose#but some people 100% uncritically view africa as a backwater with everyone living in tribal societies#like we dont have skyscrapers too#like the poorest countries in the world have high rises and skyscrapers...#like yeah there is abject poverty too. and its poor person poverty not white person poverty. like poverty poverty#but that doesnt mean that the people arent.... human...?? yknow?#idk ive just dealt with a lot of very dehumanising attitudes#also im white so i had a very priveliged upbringing but when kids asked those questions i was IMMEDIATELY intimately aware that they saw me#as lesser#i wasnt a peer to them. i was beneath them. i probably hunted my own food and didnt know what a supermarket was#but yeah. being “from africa” brings interesting baggage i tell ya#lets just say that your parents playing the “kids starving in africa” card is *a lot* more effective#esp in my case bc my family was very poor in ZAR and food was always a bit of a touchy subject#when ur parents are skipping meals so you can eat and you have the misfortune of being a bit fussy... yeah...#yeah. you dont really get to have sensory issues with food. like my parents relented and let me skip peas and corn bc they would make me#have astronomical meltdowns. but like. other foods i had problems with too but they were 6/10 bad instead of 10/10 bad#so i just had to learn to eat them anyway and mask my emotional reactions.#im still trying to unlearn this. i still feel so guilty when i struggle with a texture and leave food on my plate.#and im still learning to be okay with having certain foods be like absolute no-go's without feeling foolish or childish about it#didnt even realise i had the coriander soap gene at first cos i am not unfamiliar with eating things even if my body says NOOO#anyway. long tangent. but the whole “you could be living in poverty right now” thing instead is... its like the parent nuke#i remember i got so offended once when my friend said that he hated being Australian and complained about what was bad with it#and like. he had points. Australias not perfect. but i have Immigrant Baggage and so complaining about Australia is also like...#idk like. i could be living in south africa. im pretty stoked to be here..#so my brain cant be normal about it. and im also paranoid about people thinking im a bad immigrant for having problems with Australia etc
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kinda would be really funny if I constantly worried about driving my fp away and then the thing that did it in was the nervous typing quirks
#i promise im not going ‘uhm’ every five seconds bc of you its because i clam up mentioning literally any of my emotions#and i have the autistic literalness of typing basically exactly how I speak#WHICH IS WHY. SHAKES MY FIST AT THE HEAVENS I HATE YOU CRINGE I HATE YOU CONNOTATION OF INCLUDING STUTTERS IN MESSAGES#sobbing and crying im not a cringe rper i swear im just a little guy who gets nervous and forgets how to say words#(but also. he called me sharky… and its so sweet and i get nervous when i stop my big reactions that he thinks i dont like or appreciate it#and i love it so much. okay godawful confession sometimes i imagine him saying comforting things like with his accent and everything#it just immediately calms me down and he says ‘aww’ a lot which.. certainly helps imagination /nsx)#also this all happened because I had no sleep and posted a full blown paranoia thing to another blog so 👍 things are going well I suppose#idk. im in a constant cycle of being worried he is just doing things to placate me because im too much#and worrying he might actually want to like be a sitter or smth but im not doing enough and im accidentally rejecting him constantly
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