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jujuscrolled · 21 days ago

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last christmas

☆ pairing: ex! suguru x gn!reader (if i slipped up PLS let me know)

☆ synopsis: last year suguru had broken up with you claiming it’d be for the better but the year had progressed and everything was the same. did he think so to?

☆ content: angst/some comfort, mentions of drinking,

☆ word count: 3K

The cool air nipped at your cheeks, a slight shiver running down your spine.

You watched as children laughed, snowballs held tightly in their hands before getting flung at their friends. Across the street from them; the hazy, warm lighting from a small bakery illuminated the snowy ground. The town was busy, people finishing some last minute Christmas shopping or enjoying each other’s presence bundled up to keep warm despite the cruel chill that swirled around you.

You shivered again.

You’d only been gone for a year but it seemed like everything had changed. The shops were different and the people were older.

You sighed, tugging your sweater closer to your body before walking towards the bakery that Satoru had told you he’d meet you at; he had wanted to pick up some cinnamon rolls for his party and since you had denied his offer of picking you up at the airport you’d compromised on just meeting halfway there.

To say you were nervous was an understatement. It’s not like you hadn’t kept in contact the entire year but now he was here, in the flesh and inviting you to his annual Christmas party insisting that you’d never missed one before so why start now?

Truth be told, you did always enjoy his parties and it was always nice to see everyone together, but this would be the first year - the first party- after you and Suguru had broken up.

You hadn’t seen or spoken to him since that day, having been sent off to Paris by your job and honestly, you hadn’t wanted to.

The memory had burned itself into the back of your mind; the muddy slush beneath your feet, the rain pelting your skin as you stood outside Suguru’s house and the aching in your chest as he ripped your heart out and stomped on it.

Despite that he had tried to cover you with an umbrella, insisting that you come in because you’d catch a cold. It had made you angry, the way he had talked to you so gently like he hadn’t just torn you to pieces minutes prior insisting that it’d be for the best if you spilt up.

You grit your teeth at the memory, hand hesitating in front the door before you fought through it and pushed it open. The bell above the door chimed loudly, alerting everyone in their of your presence including Satoru whose bright blue eyes had immediately lightened as they landed on your bundled up figure.

“Hey!” He greeted, enveloping you in a warm hug before guiding you over to where he had previously been standing in front of the wide display of treats the bakery had to offer.

Beautifully decorated cakes and stuffed croissants were lined up neatly next to other perfectly crafted sweets. Satoru’s heaven surely.

“How was your plane ride?” He asked, the arm that he’d swung over your shoulder squeezing you gently as he looked at you.

“So long. I think I’m gonna be jet lagged for months, honestly.” You sighed, watching as they packaged the pastries Satoru had chosen before you had gotten there.

“I thought you were just getting cinnamon rolls?” You asked, arching a brow as they packaged yet another flavor of kikufuku.

“I did! The rest is for me - you know I can’t help myself around kikufuku.” You couldn’t help but grin at him.

“Of course.”

Once the treats had been paid for you both walked to his car, him opening the door for you and entrusting you with his beloved sweets. The car ride was comfortable, spent talking about your Paris experiences and him catching you up on what you’d missed while eating a few of his kikufuku that you’d hand him.

“You’re gonna spoil your dinner, Toru.” You teased as he reached for another one, he only shrugged mouth full of the cream filled mochi.

“My stomach is an endless pit, don’t you worry.” He said through his mouthful.

“Thank you for helping me by the way. Everyone else was insisting they’re too busy to help me set up.” He huffed as you both walked through his front door, treats half eaten and cheeks burning from the snow despite only having been outside for mere minutes.

“No problem, happy to spend time with you.” You replied, allowing him to remove your jacket only for him to fling it onto the couch. He didn’t own a coat rack, you don’t know why you assumed he’d keep your jacket safe.

The two of you decorated his living room, stringing lights across every surface and sticking candy canes in random places. The tree in the corner had clearly been decorated by children; you assumed Satoru had let the neighbor’s kids help him since their father hardly ever had enough time to do things like that with them. You cleaned up the coloring books and crayons that they had left too, placing them in their designated corner.

After about an hour the place looked like a Christmas store had thrown up in it, even going the extra mile to place mistletoe on each doorway as a little gag for whoever ended up under it.

“Shoko said she’s on her way with Kento and Haibara.” Satoru shouted from his bedroom as you finished up the last of the details on the dining table. You glanced over at him, watching as he made him way to the living room, clicking on the television and pulling up one of those fake fireplace videos despite the fact that he had a real fireplace. (“The cleanup is annoying, plus Megumi likes playing around there and I don’t want to be responsible for any mishaps!” he’d say whenever you reminded him.”

Soon after you heard some knocks on the door before it flung open. Shoko had a bottle of wine in her hand, comically large and clearly hard to carry seeing as she had both arms wrapped around it.

“Y/n! You’re back!” She said, making her way straight towards you and pulling you into a side hug to avoid the wine bottle getting in the way.

“Got back this morning, Toru wanted me to help with the decor.” You replied. Kento and Haibara hugged you too, placing their things on the table. Haibara had brought a bucket of fried chicken and Kento had brought some homemade rolls saying he’d gotten the recipe from a bakery that he often visited.

The four of you mingled as you waited for Utahime and Suguru to arrive, your stomach in knots as the time passed. You weren’t sure what to expect, despite knowing that with everyone around it wouldn’t be likely that it’d be awkward but the awkwardness was the least of your worries.

You hadn’t seen him in an entire year and despite having mostly healed from the breakup, having little to no hard feelings, you still had a tiny ache in your chest whenever you remembered the look on his face when you told him you hated him. The both of you knew it wasn’t true, it had been words spat out during high tension - words meant to wound.

The doorbell rang and Satoru made his way over, welcoming Utahime with a one-sided hug before she ran to you, pulling you into a hug and asking you about your trip.

“Suguru said he’s running late because the girls refuse to go to bed.” Satoru said as he typed on his phone, presumably replying to the message.

“Shall I serve us some wine then?” Shoko asked already making her way to the kitchen.

As everyone drank their wine and chatted you got lost within your mind again, unable to stop replaying the memory you’d tried so hard to get rid of. It was strange really, you’d hardly had time to think about anything other than your job your entire year in Paris but being back had clearly reopened the wound you’d thought you’d fully healed. Seeing everyone again had your mind reeling.

Biting your lip you contemplated just going home and avoiding facing your fears. You were back for good, what was the rush?

As you opened your mouth to excuse yourself, a loud knock on the door had everyone cheering, knowing it could only be Suguru.

Your world spun as the door opened revealing Suguru, looking gorgeous as ever. Inky black hair tucked neatly into a bun. He wore a white knitted sweater and black dress pants, gauges still in his ears and purple eyes immediately landing on your figure nestled between Shoko and Haibara.

You quickly looked away, fingers tugging on the fabric of your shirt in attempts to soothe yourself. You definitely weren’t ready for this.

“Hell yeah! Let’s get to eating!” Satoru cheered, arm around Suguru’s shoulder as he led him to the table, the rest of you following suit.

As everyone served themselves, you stood idly behind Shoko waiting your turn and thanking the heavens above for Satoru distracting Suguru. You knew he’d want to talk to you and you weren’t even ready to see him so talking to him was the last thing you wanted to do.

Despite that fact, you could feel his lingering gazes on you and it only made you drink your wine quickly in attempts at easing the growing anxiety.

Shoko and Utahime made it their mission to distract you and they did a fairly good job at it, telling you stories about things they’d done while you were gone.

Unfortunately, the fuzzier your mind got the less you paid attention, only seeming to notice the way Suguru’s eyes stayed on you. Every time he had sensed a lull in your conversation with anyone he would try to get your attention but you wouldn’t let him - quickly engaging in different topics with whoever would listen. It’s not that you didn’t want to talk to him, you just didn’t know if you were strong enough to get through a conversation without crying. And you really didn’t want to embarrass yourself like that your first night back in Tokyo.

Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened.

You had excused yourself about two hours into drinking, your hazy mind amplifying every sound, every conversation and ultimately overwhelming you.

You’d never been much of a sociable person, limiting yourself to your small group of friends but after being isolated for most of the year, being so busy with your workload that socializing was the least of your worries, it seemed like you’d lost the ability to handle so many interactions all at once.

As you leaned over the bathroom sink, taking in deep breaths to cool yourself down, a knock sounded at the door. Thinking it would be Shoko or Utahime checking on you, you opened the door only to be face to face with the last person you’d want to be alone with.

“Please don’t close the door on me.” He said, raising his hands as you gripped the door tightly. You only frowned at him, glancing around to see if anyone else was coming to your rescue.

Only an empty hallway greeted your vision.

“I know you don’t want to talk to me so you don’t have to. I just… I know it’s not my place anymore but I could tell you were getting overwhelmed so I couldn’t help but come and check on you.” He said, eyes taking in your every feature and successfully rendering you speechless.

“I’m fine. Just…” You stopped, not needing to elaborate since you knew he could still read you like a book. It made you uneasy.

“Here, let’s get some fresh air, yeah?” He said, moving to the side so you could exit the bathroom. You could only hesitate.

“Promise I won’t talk to you if you don’t want me to.” He said, eyes begging you to follow him.

Letting out the breath you hadn’t noticed you’d been holding, you flicked off the light and exited the bathroom, allowing him to lead you to Satoru’s room and out onto his balcony.

The cool air felt good on your overheating body, Christmas lights from the houses around you twinkling under the night sky. Suguru handed you a throw blanket before leaning on the railing to look down at the snowy landscape.

“How was Paris?” Suguru asked. You glanced over at him but his gaze only stayed on the scenery below you so you relaxed a bit.

“It was fine.” You replied, feeling a bit awkward.

“Just fine? You do realize you were in Paris, right?” He mused arching a brow at you causing you to bite back a smile.

“Uhm.. Well, yeah but I didn’t exactly have time to sight-see.” You said, letting out a breathy laugh. He huffed out a small laugh, shaking his head, “can’t say I’m surprised… Did you at least see the Eiffel tower?” He asked.

“It’s insane in the night time when it lights up and everything.” You mused. Suguru watched as your eyes brightened with the memory.

You don’t know how long you two just stood outside, admiring the scenery and recounting stories here and there before he cleared his throat during one of your silent moments causing you to flinch at the sudden noise.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, not meeting your gaze. You looked away from him, throat tightening as your heart rate sped up. You felt like throwing up, an apology was the last thing you needed right now.

He sighed at your silence. “I needed to apologize but I couldn’t find the right time to do so before you left and texting you an apology seemed like a shitty move.”

You blinked at his words, brows furrowing as you tugged your blanket closer.

“I know this is selfish of me but I mis-“

“Stop. Please. Just stop…” You whispered, vision blurring with tears.

“Y/n.”

“No, Geto.” You reiterated, refusing to meet his gaze.

“Please don’t cry over me.” He murmured, hand hovering over your hand that had been gripping the railing so tightly in attempts at grounding yourself, but ultimately he pulled his hand away leaving you your space.

You sniffled, turning to glare at him. “Then either stop making me cry or look away.” You hissed causing him to frown.

“I never meant to make you cry…” He said, “then why do it?” You scoffed, wiping at your tears angry that they’d been stubborn enough to fall.

“I-“ he paused, reaching for you again but stopping himself when you leaned away from him.

“Because i’m an idiot. That’s clearly the only right answer. I’m not worth your tears, Y/n.” He said. You bit sniffled, letting out a small scoff.

“And yet here we are again, Geto.”

“Please don’t call me by my last name. We may have broken up but I still want to be in your life. Even if it’s only as friends.” He said. You were growing frustrated with your traitorous tears; every time you’d wipe them away they were replaced with fresh ones.

“I don’t want to be your friend. Can’t you understand that? You broke up with me - I think I deserve some space.” You said, swallowing the sob that wanted so desperately to escape.

“I don’t want to be friends either… I made a mistake letting you go.” He said causing you to furrow your brows and look over at him. He was already looking at you, his own eyes brimming with unshed tears that he had also been trying to blink away. It made your stomach twist into knots, bile rising in your throat.

“What kinda sick game are you playing at, Geto?” You hissed.

“It’s not a game, I swear. Breaking up with you was a mistake. I thought it would be for the better - we were both getting so busy and I wanted to you have someone that could be there for you whenever you needed. Instead of trying to be better I gave you up and I’ve regretted it every day. You’re all I’ve thought about this entire year…” He said. You felt hot tendrils of anger wrap around your chest, tears now flowing freely as you’d given up on wiping them away.

“Screw you.” You spat, turning away to leave but he only grabbed your wrist, tugging you gently towards him.

“Let me go, jerk.” You said, pushing away from him but he only held you tighter within his embrace. “Please just hear me out.”

“No! Dammit, Suguru. You can’t just come in to my life again after what you did to me.” You sobbed, struggling against his embrace but it never faltered.

“I know! I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m a selfish idiot.” He said, holding you as you broke apart in his arms. “I hate you.” You cried.

“I love you. Always will. Even if you leave me again.” He murmured.

You hated how easy it was for him to snake his way into your heart again, but you guess he had never really left. There had always been a Suguru sized hole in your heart and you hated it.

“Is there any chance at all for us again? I promise I won’t make the same mistake again.” He practically begged, pulling back to look at you.

You closed your eyes, not wanting to look at him anymore because you didn’t want to give in. But you knew it was helpless. You’d never hated him. You could never hate him because you would have to stop loving him first. You couldn't give up on him despite your best efforts. But now that the opportunity was here again, you were scared. You didnt think you'd be able to handle a second break up with him.

“Suguru…”

“Please. We don't have to jump back in all at once.”

You let out a sob, allowing him to wipe away your tears as your body slumped in his embrace, you were tired of fighting.

“We’d have to start from zero, Suguru.” You mumbled shakily. He nodded, holding you tight.

“We’ll go as slow as you need me to go.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

#LORD this took me out bro.#pls lmk if this is any good whatsoever bc im gonna need it for the rest of these fics LMAO #yay part one of eleven and this was genuinely the hardest to write for some reason so im excited for the rest dw #shoko's in next everybody cheer yayayayy #geto x reader #suguru x reader #suguru angst #jjk angst #jjk x reader #jjk hurt/comfort #suguru hurt/comfort #geto hurt/comfort #suguru geto x reader #jjk fluff #geto fluff #suguru fluff #lowkey feel like im lying by putting fluff bc what even is this #idk why sugu's was so sad the rest of the fics hardly have angst LMAO sorry sugu fans i love u pls dont hate me

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