#idk why i remembered this all of a suddent

[bookpillows]

are people still bothered by specialists using field specific language to write for other specialists? Or have we moved on from that?

[purpleandstarlight]

Here are my first thoughts on @hateweasel 's cielois fanfic DLTD, as I share them like 100+ chapters into the journey with my best friend (who hasn't read DLTD nor was ever really into Kuro) trough DMs. Here recapped for y'all.

- I FORGOT!! I DIDN'T KNOW HATE'S PRONOUNS AT THE BEGINNING SO WHEN I SPOKE WITH MY BEST FRIEND (In Italian, where they/them pronouns don't really exists unfortunately) I ALWAYS TRIED TO GET AROUND USING PRONOUNS SO AS NOT TO MISGENDER HER!! At some point (this time on ff.net, bc I usually read on ao3 so that's where I read DLTD first) I read on an author's corner the she/her pronouns and sent an ask to Hate (probably on anon bc that's how I was at first) to confirm and from then on I was finally able to get it together when talking about Hate.

-Hey Hate, remember when I sent you that anon ask talking abt how you reminded me of a French cartoon and you IMMEDIATELY recognized it as Code Lyoko? Yeah related to that whole "school thinks they're adoptive sibling" thing, I wondered why no one at school had questions about why the fuck the supposed siblings had that much non-platonic tension.

-My initial criticism that wasn't actually criticism on Hate bc I knew this was from 10 years ago and i honestly just read it as how teenage boys, especially at the time, behaved. It was criticism to just the boys, not the author. Criticism include:

1)the gay slurs the cast kept throwing around.

2)The way they all said that one in the Cielois was the "woman" - wich is something both homophobic and misogynistic.

3) the "yOuR'E sUcH a GIrL" insult that is, again, misogynistic.

4) Not a criticism to the teenage boys this time but to the girls. WHY are y'all sexualizing these gays?? GET A GRIP!!

-Not a criticism, but since we're talking about their teenager boy behavior that Hate got SO RIGHT: the COSTANT sex jokes related conversation they had. It didn't really bother me so its not criticism, its just very hormonal teen boy minded to bring everything back to that? So I wasn't really annoyed at the teenagers for being teenagers u know. I'm just adding it to the list of what I thought Hate got so well in the characterization of teenager boys.

-at some point my best friend lead me to realize that while everyone in school felt the tension between Cielois, no one had the bets running on when/if they would finally get together. Wich still makes me so sad because HATE, you missed on such a romance fanfic trope 😔 /jk

- Me at the start of the stadium arc when Kris starts being interested in...what the frick was his name?? Cameron?? Idk THAT ONE BLONDE DUDE: Oh so we're gonna have a couple of chill chapters where they are just gonna establish their relationships better!

Me, when the reapers are there and we discover about the bomb: W H A T

-Me: DLTD Suddently became Ouran Host Club? For?? Some reason??

My friend: You know what? It doesn't really surprise me. Imo this story will cover every work of literature ever existed before it ends.

-Mi initial dislike for the name Kristopherson. I still don't really like it but I'm used to it ig? Again no hate to Hate!! I just find it such an unnecessarily long name for his parents to give him? Like choose Kristopher, or Kris, why Kristopherson?? Now I know it's bc Kristopher is his father. And in general i understand that Rich People are Like That TM.

Me, while I was describing Kris's journey of self discovery to my best friend: At the beginning of the story, he was just this random bully who called Alois gay...wich i mean, it was true, but he didn't HAVE to be so mean about it...

Gonna cut this into parts so I don't kill my followers who aren't interested in my DLTD thoughts..i would use the read more thing but idk how to activate that?? Also I wrote this for some time now and I need a break lol

[visionthefox]

I want to read your long theory about Eclipse :3

-🍍-

well, I'll make it quick, since Im sleepy and I been forgetting over time

(note-this is not quick not short sooooo)

in resume, I believe he stared as a one side villain to have pop put every now an then for the show to spice things up, eventually ppl love Eclipse so much, I mean, the dude acted all joker-Jeff - being edgy and all

and I believe the moment he turned into anime villain may be when he and Sun chatted, just take notice how simple his way of thinkin is, yet he acts all evil and cool.. that's when he had a change in personality, for the show

now.. in lore, I think he stared as a angry copy of Moon, idk why he and Moon are separated, but my idea is that , after a first try of trying to Kill Sun or forcing Sun's AI to crash, Moon made a failed copy of himself, keep in mind, in the early days Moon was a bit smart, BUT! not a genious Rick-wanna-be

so when he fails, he made a copy, but is a line of codes he ignores- like he said- he left "a part of him" and I dont believe he and Eclipse actual meet in Sun's head, no, I think Moon only talked on himself most of the time.. and that is what Eclipse remembers- and is pretty Much Moon2.0 -he is bound to follow Moon, then Moon left him, of course, Eclipse's AI is confused, why is Moon0.1 out? and why not himself?

Eclipse is now trapped in a moving vassel , with the negative ideas of Sun, he watches as Moon gets a change to Kill but doesnt, this angers Eclipse, who didnt even had a name for himself yet, and when he finally gets the energy to overpower Sun AI, he starts to look for Moon's aproval, or at least feel superior to him, and what he gets? nothing, Moon pretty much looks down on him.. and even if Eclipse acted like he didnt care.. he totally did..

also, just.. when looking at early Eclipse, you can see he is like Sun, hell not only on the voice but the sassyness Sun then showed to have.. Eclipse got feed all the negative side of Sun so he ends up like "the worse of the two"

now, the more Moon and him fight, the more angry Eclipse gets, as he is following the orders he was given, but with the twisted idea that he is right! after all! humans are cruel! we dont know better! he can make it right because he has the childish idea of Sun of a "better place" and the desire to dominate of Moon..

then we get to october, the reason why Eclipse is both mean to Lunar but also clearly want him close is not because he views Lunar as a tool. but because he wants what Moon has, he saw the two brothers lift each other, he wants that, but of couse, he doesnt get it, the love, the care, he thinks that's what made Sun weak, so instead he takes a more violent aproach, as that what he knows better..

of course, there is still a side of him, that left over part of Moon that cares, Eclipse show it. rememeber, what is Moon love lenguaje. gifts and time- what Eclipse do? gives Lunar control over the daycare at day, and a computer to play, and then, plays games, he totally didnt had to but no only the show needs two hots, but in lore, makes sense-

then again.. Eclipse doesnt know how to be good , so of course he hurts Lunar, Moon did that and Sun never left his side! so why Lunar would? also, BloodMoon, he is clearly afraid of him, so he also wants to control Lunar so he doesnt "act up" , because he cant stand another fail

when Lunar back stab him, that clearly hurted him, and left him desperate of revenge.. see how everything made sense?

is after he is trapped in the computer that things suddently are odd,, he sounds tired.. and kinda makes sense- he got beat up, he got locked down again.. he is no longer in control.. for me, Eclipse right there , had to step out, or give one last battle -but not like he did, no, he had to leave Lunar like last, for me, he had to go for Moon. the real reason he made everything, go for him.. then seeying Moon is gathering more power, try and use Lunar to hurt -again - Moon..

but the show right here lacked sense.. and for what I know, Eclipse is slowly dying from the star , because why not, and he just now getting to be dumb villain again.. this is not what I would do with him

I would make him be beat up one last time before he finally see is just running in circles, he keeping being Moon's shadow.. for me he had to step out- walk away not only in defeat -but with a change of views, maybe finally feeling like he needs to know who he even is.. after all, he follows Moon's steps, he follows a code on his head.. no though of him is original.. he is complex, he is a ruined AI forced to play a bad guy by everyone around ,he should see he doesnt have to keep playing along everyone's view of him..

but idk, I dont know what I would do for him, I know the show needs a bad guy- for me, BloodMoon had to stay and be just that.. but alas..

this was my TEDtalk about why Eclipse is complex and desrved a better arc - thanks for reading!

[vixensandfoxes]

SzPD (im pretty sure) take that i just want to put out cause i need to remember that i felt this way numerous time lately (i hardly make sens today, sorry, brain being bad at braining)

If/when you say something encouraging, inclusive, sweet, (etc), i then discover that it included you, it immediatly looses all meaning and all values to me. Suddently you didn't say ''people should be nice to you for being *insert whatever*'', you said ''PLEASE be nice TO ME because I AM this thing and i want people to be nice''. Suddently it wasn't about you wanting to share something for others, it was a selfish cry for getting it for yourself, disguised as false positivity to others. Suddently instead of feeling supported i feel lim being asked to perform something just because i shared pain... and now on top of being in pain i need to give something.

Anyway idk why i feel that way. But i do every single time it happens. And i needed it documented so i can get to the bottom of this XD Thanks for coming to my TED talk yada yada

[dailyreverie]

hello ~ I hope you’re having a good week so far!

From the psychical affection prompt; plz may I have number 7 with the v squishable Bucky Barnes please?

Thank you 🫂❤️✨

7. Squishing their cheeks

Bucky Barnes x Reader

A/N: I have always thought that Bucky has a very squeezable face, especially in FATWS idk why, so don't mind me projecting all my feelings into this blurb. Also, let's all remember this moment...

Voices in the kitchen announce Sam and Bucky in the room. There's a light banter going on between them when you come in, smirking as you hear their natural dynamic carrying through the air. You don't even interrupt them as you make your way to the fridge to grab a cold water, catching glimpses of their conversation as you do.

"...That's the problem with you man, its not even the arm, it's the face." Sam says, pointing at Bucky's face.

"Yeah well, it's not like I can change my face, so..." The phrase hangs in the air as Bucky takes a sip of his beer.

You stand in front of him leaning against the counter, trying to catch up to their conversation about your boyfriend's face. "I don't see a problem with his face."

"He scared a child today," Sam scoffs and Bucky rolls his eyes. "Just by looking at him!"

"He was one of those weepy kids probably." Bucky defends. He is trying to be all nonchalant about it, but in his eyes you can see that something was off. Bucky tries, he really does; he tries so hard to break the wall of ice that surrounds him when he's in public, and you know that small situations - like scarying a kid - affect him more than he would like to admit.

Bucky Barnes was no one to be afraid of, and you would die if that's what it took for the world to see that.

He slouches with his elbows against the counter, his body facing you but his face hiding downwards as Sam recounts the moment to you. "...so this boy is in line, you know, and the mom is carrying him so he's facing us, and suddenly him and Bucky are in the middle of a starring contest-"

"The kid was starring at me, what was I supposed to do?" With a sympathetic smile you meet Bucky's eyes.

"Yeah, whatever, they are in the middle of a starring contest and out of nowhere the kid just starts to-" Sam's words are cut by the suddent movement of your hand reaching to cup Bucky's face, squeezing it once it reaches.

Bucky's eyes go wide as heat begins to creep up his neck and cheeks. You at stare into him with furrowed eyebrows, forcing him to look at you. "What are you doing, doll?" His words were muffled by his own cheeks getting in the way.

"You have a beautiful face, Bucky Barnes," You state with all seriousness, but with softness in your voice. Your thumb travels side to side and you smile at him, trying to get the idea engraved into his brain. "This could never, ever, be the face of a bad man."

Bucky smiles back, as much as he can with his cheeks all puffed out.

"Ah! There you go! You can change your face!" Sam teases slapping his back and turning around to give you two a moment.

With your hand still cupping his cheeks you pull him into you, kissing him softly. "I love you, baby." He murmurs once your lips part, dipping down to kiss you once more.

"I love you too, sweetcheeks."

**

Physical affection prompts

[coolfireguy73]

So... Tag game ?

I don't do a lot of those especially because I tend to forget to write them after being tagged.

Was tagged from @welcome-to-ikea , apparently the rule is you tag people you want to know more about, i'm honestly quite surprise you want to know more about me Ikea.

Here we go:

Favorite time of year: Winter I guess ? I like summer but not when it's too hot, and it's way easier to warm up when it's cold than to cool down when it's hot.

Comfort food: Chips, Candy, uh... dry sausage? (idk how you call "saucisson" in english). I eat a lot of snacks all week long, when I'm bored, when I'm sad, when I'm happy. The snack I want to eat on a particular day changes. I don't have one specific food.

Do you collect something ? I used to collect Pokemon cards, still buy some from time to time, I still have them ! tho i lost a fair few of them. I'm sure I may have had some pretty good cards too. Also a looooong time ago i used to collect samps and coins. I have no idea where they may have gone...

Favorite drink: I want to say Fanta. I don't think I have one but every time I have to choose I say Fanta by default. I drink a lot of soda and fruit juice.

Favorite song: It has changed a few times and I love listening to musique so much I can't really have one and only favorite song. I have to say I used to listent to Bangarang (Skrillex) a lot, Antidot (Style of eye & Magnus), then Spin eternally (Camellia), Sunburn (the Living Tombstone) and Chop Chop (Virtual riot) more recently...

Current favorite song: Ok so, funny story. I'm quite of a noobie in the TF2 community, and one day I was watching an sfm video, when one voice line seemed a little bit to familiar, turns out It was used in a song I listened to for a few years now. AND ! TURNS OUT ! The guy that made it made a few songs using TF2 voices so.... yeah I listen to all of them. I never liked songs that used voices from video games because usually it's kinda... cringe. But omg those ones, those ones are great ! So I'd say my current favoriteS songS are Cry some more, Chop Chop, and Pray for Riddhim VIP (all from Virtual riot). BUT ALSO Heartache, and also Temporaty love and I wanna be a machine (both from The living tombstone) and also...

Favorite fic: I don't really have one. I used to read a lot of them tho ! But I do have ONE that sticks to me, a very veeery long time ago in the middle of my creepypasta phase I discovered a very long fanfic that I remember loving at the time but re-reading it now it's... t's so bad, it's so so bad. But it's one of those "it's so bad it's good". To give you an idea, it's about a mary sue emo teenager named Marie Keter at the end of the first book she dies, and is brought back to life for the second book. She falls in love with laughing Jack (and they have a baby...), she doesn't know her father (it's another creepypasta, and dies at the end of the second book), in the third book suddently she had a long lost blind bother and there is a wolf named wolf too. The writer keeps adding characters from so random things like at one point there is IB from this old indi game, there is some manga characters, there is purple guy from FNAF and she even fuses her fic with the univers of Tokyo Ghoul, it makes no sens... and it's not just some references they play a big role and even stay for the rest of the story. I would link it but one: it's in french, and two: she deleted it, but idk why, I think Wattapad bugged, but I still have access to the three tomes on my old account.

And that is it, I wont tag anyone because I don't really know people here... But it was fun. Sorry for any mistakes and typos I may have made, I had a huge headache that lasted for more than a day now, it's 1 am and I thought it would be a good idea to write this...

Anyway goodbye to you all, I'm gonna go sleep now, and come back tomorrow for more TF2 doodles ^^

[rurifangirl]

chile, could ya explain the magic system in yo oc world more? im kinda confused w how it works👁👄👁

Oh boy, here we go bitches.

So as an intro to this, I said bout last oc post in Qiran's part that their fam was full of mages n shit, but also some of em weren't, n since they do have magic istelf Imma do more parts (3 parts)

First part- how does It all work (Humans/Mages)

First of all, not all of em have a connection with magic, for example Evelyn doesn't at all while Lyva does but only through a magical item so It doesn't really count.

Other then that, if you're born you can either be born with some kind of magic, or simply not. It all depends from your family's lineage, for example If you come from a family of mainly rougues it's hard to get some kind of magical power, while if your parents have both some kind of power or even if it's only one of em, it's more likely you'll end up with something really similar, or a mixture of the two. (In case both of your parents have magical powers of any sort.)

It also depends on where you're living, for example If you'd be born from a cold place it's unlikely ya'd have magma magic rather than snow magic.

Between humans/mages the system Is kinda the same, but that does change for Hybrids/Demi gods/anything that isn't born between the same species.

Between humans/mages it's more of how their ancestors managed to treat its powers, as some got even destroyed for not being worthy of its usage, so If anything at this point and time they're lucky about getting somethin.

Mages are far more cautious about It, having both a lot of hidden knowlege about spells or even origins of some types of magic, though that being the most "common" ones, (for example fire, water ect.), because it's not only them of course, there's far more variants and all are different from eachother.

They can also get stronger by the worshipping of certain gods, which I don't think I will really talk about, at least in this post. (And also because they're still a wip of mine)

But the gang until now really never relied on any of them, or at least Lyva/Rui n Naexi never really did, while the others absolutely did. This Is also why I will do another post as a sorta of a part 2.

Anyways back on topic, most people in all parts of my oc world aren't used to worshipping anymore, or at least a great part of It, mainly because of a loss of knowlege about anything about them.

It's kind of taboo even mentioning most gods names, as they fear something will go wrong if they would (*ahem*being suspicious n allarmin the cult*AHEM*). In fact it's hard to get on most religions because the only remains of It are extremely either hidden, or destroyed in the meanwhile.

I wanna say that another reason because the worshipping stopped Is also because of Rui's cult. Yes, remember that?

It's gonna be talked about on its own post, but let's just say that for them, it's a safe way to restrain anyone knowing far too much about how everything works.

They're the only ones owning most stuff about different coltures to avoid having them against their side,

If there's no worshippers, no knowlege, n more weak magic because people don't strengthen them, who's gonna go against em? (It'll turn out to be the shittiest idea they've ever had but that really did work for the longest time.)

Oh I think i forgot to mention this, but since magic goes lineage to lineage, It also weakenens as generations pass by, as THAT'S the reason they absolutely need those texts.

That's also the reason most humans struggle w keepin magic. Mages can manage, though it's a small portion, since sometimes not even what they've learned over generations works anymore.

Second part- how does It all work (Hybrids/Demi gods n stuff)

Oh boy, so, I'm also gonna use Shou n Naexi a lot here, so bear w me. As I said earlier, it's different from em, since it's not about lineage at all.

Apart that the union between different species Is both a taboo n seen as something "ashaming",so even if they had a child It was more likely they'd Hide It or leave It behind. So it's already a really, god-awful situation for them.

The magic works kinda randomly, in the sense that since the hybrid's nature is seen as unstable to begin w, there's no real critere to handle how the child born Is gonna turn out to be.

Sometimes it's really hard to notice, having yeah some features but can be hidden really easly, but other times Is just, a real mess between the two species, n the magic Is also uncontrollable, especially during their first years of life.

For example, in Shou's case he used to really switch a lot between em, that being the reason he later on prefers not to switch, n havin to learn as soon as possible how to learn how his magic n form would work w It, having again a lot of preassure comin from people he knew.

This Is unfortunatly a really common situation between most hybrids. And there's also no choise.

If you as an hybrid can control magic w/o anything to rely on then you can live, while if you cannot do It, it's a matter of time before you'd get zoned out by everyone and everything.

This Is a big issue, other than having everything fucked by the cult but that's another story.

Aight now bout demi-gods, they're also really not seen well. Most of them prefer not to interact at all with anything that Is not godly related, and in fact, most of em even refused to adknowledge their mortal parent, since they all have resentment over the sudden disappereance of all belivers.

If anything Naexi Is a weird one at that, as they did have a suddent interest in humans and ungodly creatures, though still recognized about how cruel any of them could've been, especially she's a demi-god and has a bad reputation at that.

The magic system Is relatively simple, they just get a certain amount of power from their god parent and are actually pretty capable of controlling them in confront of Hybrids.

That mainly comes from a special connection w their god parent's power, so in theory they're sort of devoted to them.

I wanna expand this when I'll do the gods post n finnaly introduce some of em (And potentially Naexi's mother👀), so I'll not go beyond this atm.

Third part- Magical items/weapons

Aight onto another important part, which Is basically how tf would that work. We have that comin from Qiran's sword n Lyva's earrings, so they'll also be later on disscussed bout.

Even though it's a tough and long procedure, you can transport some of your own magic onto somethin as ordinary as an hat or as sharp as a dagger.

This Is being mainly used in emergency situations, as that energy can eventually be re-used later on by its user.

The user can be changed as long as there's a deal between both parties, whether that being a gift, buying It, or anythin up to them really.

It can also be a great way to hide mage's power, since there are some parts where they arent exactly that respected, so they could blend in with normal humans.

In fact, Qiran does that continiously thanks to their sword, daggers and other lil weapons, and they keep a big part of It there, to seem rather a normal knight/adventurer rather than havin somethin supernatural goin on.

They have a great holdo it since their father did make them learn to fulfill their request to be freerly goin round.

With Lyva it's not really different, even if she kinda stole It n there wasn't really a deal at that moment, but before runnin away from everyone n everything she convinced her mother to give her something that she could use to defend herself, since they were never around and when they were, they would've kinda avoided her.

Oh, and to add this, you could also curse an item. It's a way to mainly punish since ,well, it's a curse,

and makes the user either completely obsessed with the object itself or makin them do somethin w/o any type of consent, whether physical or emotional.

In some cases It can also be a torture tool. Though, as some recent stuff happened, they're somewhat hard to find.

If you still have somethin unclear lemme know cuz idk If I covered everythin or if somethin ain't clear enough😭

Tags undercut:

@a-chaotic-dumbass @spoopy-fish-writes @dopesaladlady @damnfoxx @audre-falrose @nadi-117

(If you want your tag removed/added either dm me/go in the ask thing or do the tag thingy in the pinned comment‼️)

[hoeforbilly]

second chances

i have a bunch of requests (thank you thank you thank you) and im doing my best to get them out to you as soon as i can! hope you like this one!

request: "Could you write an imagine, where Billy cheats on the reader and she catches him in the act. He doesn't realize how much she affected his life/ how much he loves her until shes no longer apart of his life. He tries to win her back. (Maybe happy ending?)" @schulky56

warnings: idk if i should mention there's swear words here? maybe? well there are lol

genre: a lil angsty, a lil fluffy

word count: 1.6k (yay finally something longer)

"It's not like we were ever that serious" Billy's voice was quiet and you couldn't help but laugh at his words. He was on sitting his bed, the girl right behind him, wearing one of hisshirts. You felt sick looking at them.

"What do you mean we weren't serious? you said with a bitter laugh. "Don't even answer that." you decided, turning on your heel and heading for the stairs.

"Y/N wait!" he sounded behind you but you didn't want to look back, tears already gathering in your eyes. Your heart was pounding, and you felt your hands starting to shake. You almost made it to the door but Billy caught up to you. You slowly turned around to look at him.

"Look, I really didn't think you were serious about this so I didn't know this would be such a big deal and..." you didn't let him finish.

"We both know that's a lie Billy" was all you said before leaving his house, getting in your car and driving away for good. To think you came over to check in on him after he didn't come to school that day. You felt disgusting knowing he just used you, he did exactly what people said he would and fucking cheated on you, like you were just another girl to cross off his list, add to a collection of thropies. Tears clouded your vision so you pulled over and put your car in park. "This is not real" you said to yourself, as you sobbed. You were pathetic and you hated that you let Billy do this to you. You hated that you trusted him and that he made you believe you were special enough for him to stay with you. "I'm so fucking dumb" you cried.

A few weeks passed and you slowly managed to pick yourself back up. You were very successful in avoiding Billy at school, you ignored every question and story you heard about him and just went on with your life. Your heart still ached for him, you were worried any time you wouldn't see his camaro parked in its usual spot but he hurt you way too much for you to just forget about it and run to him.

Billy thought he really wouldn't care. You were just a girl and he wasn't the type to cry over a girl. He did feel guilty when he saw you cry as you drove away but he expected that to be it. A quick moment of sadness and then back to the schedueled programming.

He walked back up to his room, he did leave a gorgeous girl all alone in his bed after all. He layed next to her and she cuddled up to him and Billy swore he felt sick to his stomach. He stayed like that for a second before jumping out of bed.

"You have to go" he mumbled. And so she did. She got dressed, cursing him under her breath and left his house. He had no idea what was happening but he felt so fucking empty. His head was aching, he grabbed a shoe box from under his bed and started gathering your things. A pen you let him borrow on his first day in Hawkins. Your chemistry notes he took to study from because he didn't have his own. A sweater you forgot to take as you left his room in a hurry, trying to avoid Neil's anger. A hair tie. A note you left in his locker. He felt his cheeks go red as he looked at what he had left of you. "What the fuck Hargrove" he whispered go himself, running his fingers over the sweater. "Why the fuck would you do that".

He felt awful. He didn't realize how special you were to him until you were no longer there and he just didn't know what to do with himself. He tried to talk to girls but they just couldn't compare to you. They weren't funny like you. They didn't have your laugh. God Billy was whipped for you and he only realized after you were out of his reach. He intended on giving you back all the things you left at his place but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was miserable. Seeing you made him feel even worse, he just wanted to walk up to you, apologize and kiss those beautiful lips of yours. But he neved did, knowing you probably hated him.

The streets of Hawkins were almost empty, it was just past 8pm, the sun was slowly setting, the sound of rain hitting the roof of his camaro nearly putting Billy to sleep. He dropped Max off at the Wheeler's house and decided to take the long way home, not really wanting to have to deal with Neil just yet. The shoebox filled with your belongings was placed in the backseat, just in case he got the guts to finally return in to you.

He saw a figure appear on the sidewalk seemingly out of nowhere. The weather was no ideal for a walk but he didn't really care, happy he was seated in the comfort of his car. As he approached the person he started paying more attention to them. A big red hoodie with the strings pulled to protect them from rain, sweatpants and white sneakers. He took a closer look and realized it was you. In his red Hawkins Pool hoodie. He felt like his heart was about to jump out of his chest. He slowed down and rolled his window down.

"Y/N it's raining. I can give you a ride" he gave you a small smile and tried go swallow the lump in his throat.

"Thanks, I can walk. My house isn't that far anyway" you answered politely, not even looking at him. Your house was in fact very far away, at least a 20 minute walk. You thought he wouldn't remember anyway.

"Except it is far" he noticed with more confidence in his voice. "Come on, it's not a big deal. I don't want you to get sick".

"Okay" Billy's heart skipped a beat when you said that. You quickly walked over to the passenger door, getting in and taking off your hood. The car smelled just like you remembered. The leather seats had a lot of wear to them but that's what made them so special.

"So how have you been?" there was a shakiness to Billy's voice that you didn't recognize but you decided to ignore it.

"Good. A lot of school and stuff" you didn't wanna go into detail of how wrong it felt to not be with him. He nodded and hummed, acknowledging your words. "What about you?"

"Same old, same old" he sighed. You spent the rest of the drive in silence. Billy opened his mouth a couple times but ultimately decided not to say anything, as it would probably be super dumb anyway. Pulling up to your driveway he cursed himself for wasting a chance to talk to you.

"Thanks Billy" you smiled at him and unbuckled your seatbelt. "Do you want to come in?" your eyes widened in shock at what you just said. Not once during the drive have you thought about inviting him in and you had no idea where in suddently came from.

"Sure" he answered casually. Inside he was freaking out. You got out of the car and ran to your door, the rain was way more intense now and neither of you wanted to get soaked. You sat on the couch and just kind of looked at each other awkwardly. Billy broke the silence with a deep breath.

"Listen Y/N, I'm really sorry for what I did" he started, as he leaned to you a little, eyes glued to his hands. You did not expect to hear any apology from Billy Hargrove, and this one was really genuine.

"I mean we weren't technically dating. You never asked me to but I just assumed and..." your voice caught in your throat when he finally looked at you.

" I regret what I did and I regret not asking you to be my girlfriend. I was so dumb and I just didn't realize how much better my life was with you" he admitted. You stayed quiet for a while, surprised at his sudden confession.

"I get that you probably don't care about me anymore" he added and you shook your head.

"I do" you have him a weak smile. "I always cared about you Billy. That's why I stuck by your side for so long."

"Can we try again?" you saw how scared he was to ask that question.

"I don't know if I could trust you B."

"We don't have to go straight into dating. I just... I just really want you back in my life. You can go out with anyone you want and I can wait as long as it takes before you trust me. Even if you never wanna date i just wanna be your friend" it took you a while to process his words and he was getting more nervous by the second. "Please?" he reached out for your hand and you nodded.

"Okay. We can try that" the smile he gave you after that made your stomach do multiple flips. He pulled you into a hug and never stopped grinning as he held you close to him.

"Thank you. I won't waste your time, I promise".

Billy Hargrove was not one to make promises. But he knew he would keep this one.

~

~

~

here it is, hope you like it! 💜

[artistwhispering]

Jason's death - and how It could effect the seven

So

Nobody has spoken about this yet (or maybe someone has, but I haven't seen it sorry)

We know that Piper and Leo knows about Jason's death - She was on the beach waiting for him, Meg and Apollo to come back and she EVEN saw his corpse - and Leo too.

Imagine what Piper felt seeing him dead. They had broke up, what if she wanted to start it all over again? Or, what if she was thinking about solving their problems and get back to normality? She would never have the chance.

And Leo, he just came back from the dead, cane back from Ogygya with Calypso, riding Festus, wanting to conctact his best friend. Wanting to meet him again and laugh it off his "fake" death. He can't. He won't be able to meet him ever again

Hazel. She had learnt to love Jason, in her own way. When she saw Jason's coffin she kinda had a mental breakdown. She had to take a moment to realize he was gone.

Frank. He admired him. Jason was a landmark, he made him a praetor on battlefield. Jason was one of the first one to recognize Frank's value, apart from Hazel obv.

Annabeth. So maybe she could be least affected by Jason's death, as they rarely shared a moment alone. But she knows that they managed to win against Gaia because they were the SEVEN. Not one less. I think she will be shocked when she'll find out - and here comes one of my point. Does she already know? Did Piper tell her? I think so, or maybe she will.

Percy.

Oh, gods. Idk what he's gonna do when he learns about Jason's death - and here's the point I was talking about: does he already know? Did Annabeth tell him? What if Piper wasn't able to conctact them - ya know, the Oracles don't work, Iris' messages etc etc - and they (Annabeth and Percy) don't even Imagine something like that??? Maybe they're the only ones unaware. Also, Jason is one of the first closest friends that Percy lost - okay, yes, I do remember Charles Beckendorf, Silena Beauregard, Zoe Nightshade and Bianca di Angelo. But follow me on this point: Jason was likely his best friend. Apart from Groover, who's now away from CHB with his own missions - Jason was his buddy in many battles. I KNOW damn well that Percy respected him as a person, as a friend and as a demigod. He knows damn well he is the only one who can really defeat him. Because he's a child of Zeus (-well, Jupiter). I think the children of the Big Gods - Zeus, Poseidon, Hares - are really close, beacause they're different from any others demigods - Damn, the three gods borthers had to make a deal to not generate more children bc they were too powerful!

And Percy will blame himself of course. He will blame himself because he wasn't there for him, he had to fight alone. And Percy didn't follow Apollo and Meg because he was taking a break from all this mythological stuff - what if he'll think that if he had gone with them, then maybe Jason wouldn't have died.

Also, Jason started the prophecy of the Seven - in The Lost Hero, the first chapters are from his point of view. He was a rock where the others six could rest. He had dreams, first of all: honorate all the gods, and he designed all of the Temples that now stands at Camp Jupiter thanks to the Romans, Apollo and Meg. But he'll never see It. He will never know he has accomplished his dream. And his death came suddently, I didn't even have the time to realize it that he was dead.

Thinking about the Prophecy of Seven now, a verse came to my mind

"to Storm or Fire, the world must fall"

We know now that It was Fire (Leo) who has defeated World (Gaia), and he died. What if, to balance things, only Fire OR Storm had to survive and live? What if Jason died, beacause Leo is now alive: the Prophecy said "OR". Maybe only one of the two, according to the Prophecy, had to survive. Don't know why: Fate? To balance things?

Prophecy works in a misterious way. But we are sure of ONE thing: you can't deceive Prophecy. If it had said that Fire OR Storm would have defeated World, it means that there can't be both Leo and Jason living. One of them had to die.

I want to meet Percy again in the last book of ToA. Wanna know how it ends. Praying that nobody dies anymore. But I have a bad feeling about Percy. Of course we're all worried about him, but I think that he had survied too things. And, he has his fatal flaw. Athena once said him that it would have caused the World to end. It didn't happen against Cronus, or against the Giants.

We'll see.

P.s

Pls, uncle Rick, don't kill off my Seaweed Brain 😭

(Sorry for the mistakes, english is not my morher tongue)

[that-writer-who-never-posts]

Not tonight, darling

Surpriiiiise I'm back! Sorry for taking so long :(

This was requested by @myalovesharrystyles1d (idk why I can't tag you, sorry) and I hope you like it! ❤

Prompt: Being afraid of taking the next step on your relationship with Tom and he being the angel he is about it.

Warnings: Mentions of sex but not the actual sex.

Like 1.3k words

---

You took a deep breath.

It was a lot easier when you were planning it all in your head. When it wasn't about to actually happen.

Of course you wanted it... You did, didn't you? You weren't that sure now.

You just wanted Tom to be happy, doesn't matter what you had to do.

And making love to him shouldn't worry you that much... It was something most people seemed to enjoy and you really craved being as intimate as possible with him.

The only problem was that you were a virgin. Tom knew that and he never pressured you, but you always felt like he wanted to take the next step, even thought he never showed that. But if it came from you... He would love the idea.

Since today was his birthday, you planned on doing something special. He had to work, as usual, but you invited him to go to your apartment when he left, so you could spend some time together. That's when you'd surprise him in lingerie and... You know. Do whatever... Had to be done.

At first, the plan was opening the door already in your lingerie. Too much, you thought. So you added a coat over it. Now, looking in the mirror, seemed like you weren't planning anything dirty.

Your heart raced as the hours passed. Tom texted you, saying he would be there in 15 minutes. 15. Minutes. You were freaking out. How were you supposed to seduce him if you couldn't even see his face without panicking at that moment?

Those 15 minutes flew and you heard a knock on the door. Your brain comanded you to scream no one's home, run away through the window and start a new life. But no, you had to face this. You didn't want to ruin Tom's birthday.

"Hi." You said shily, as you opened the door.

"Hello!" He smiled widely and pulled you into a tight hug. "I couldn't wait to see you."

Tom's arms around you always made you feel safe. When he hugged you, you relaxed immediatly, so you decided your plan was up and you needed to start it before you got nervous again.

"Happy birthday, Tommy." You hugged him back, wondering if he could feel you didn't have actual clothes under that coat. "I know I already said it earlier on the phone, but... I need you to know that you're my everything. I never thought I could love anyone half as much as I love you."

"Are you going to make me cry again?" He smiled so much, breaking the hug to caress your face.

"No! I don't want that." You laughed, cupping his hand. "We're here to celebrate. Nothing but happiness is allowed tonight. Tears are banned."

"You make the rules." He agreed.

"Actually..." You bit your lip and looked at the floor. "I wanted to... I think... You... Ugh. I can't say this here, follow me."

He looked very confuse, but still followed you to your bedroom. No big deal, he had been there countless times before. You two stood beside your bed, facing each other.

"Is there something wrong?" He said worried.

"No." You took a deep breath and smiled at him.

He opened his mouth once more, but the sound of his voice was interrupted by the sound of your coat hitting the floor. You still had your lingerie on, but it was so small and transparent. Besides that, Tom's wide eyes were suddently glued to your body on a way that seemed to pass through walls, imagine that fragile fabric...

"Y/N..." He tried with all his forces to look at your face, but his eyes betrayed him and always found their way back to the parts of your skin that were never before exposed to him. He was frozen. He didn't expect that at all, and there was a fight inside his mind... He wanted you, but he had to control himself.

"Tom." You grabbed his hands and placed them on your hips. "You can do whatever you want with me."

His eyes met yours, looking for a sign that you didn't actually mean that. But you looked confident. His hands squeezed your hips, bringing you very close to him. His lips crashed on yours with all the need and confusion he felt.

You didn't know what was happening... You and Tom made out many times, but this was different. You were lost... It just wasn't flowing naturally, you didn't know what to do with your hands, you jumped a little everytime he touched a new spot, like your body was trying to escape him. No! You didn't want to escape him! What a coward... Couldn't you see he was into it? Couldn't you try harder for him? You tried your best to enjoy his movements, but you felt so vulnerable... All those feeling caused a tear to run down your cheek. Next thing you knew was that the physical contact was over.

"I thought tears were banned." He said, wipping that tear away.

"I'm not crying, I just..." You didn't have words to explain yourself, so you just looked at him with panic in your eyes.

"Get in bed, my love." He said gently.

You nodded, climbing your bed and sitting comfortably between your pillows. There was no turning back now. He started to remove his shirt. You didn't remember ever feeling that scared, but that didn't stop you from getting hypnotized by his beauty. It wasn't like seeing him shirtless on tv, he was right there...

He held his shirt in his hands and got in bed, sitting beside you. Your eyes avoided his, so they enjoyed the opportunity to focus on his chest. Maybe that whole situation wasn't that bad... He grabbed one of your arms gently. You looked at him confused by his next actions. He passed the arm he was holding through his shirt's sleeve and repeated the movement with the other. You sat there quietly as he buttoned the shirt up.

You weren't an specialist in sex, but you were sure the partners only wore each other's clothes after it, not during it.

"Why are you dressing me up?" You asked confused. "Didn't like what you saw?"

He laughed and broght you to his chest, stroking your back protectively.

"I loved what I saw." He replied, kissing the top of your head. "It only proved what I already knew: You are the most beautiful woman in the entire world and I'm the luckiest man."

"Then... Why?"

"Because you aren't comfortable with this yet." He shrugged. "And that's perfectly okay. If our love is so good, we can't miss any step, so why would we rush things?"

"Because I know you want that." You explained. "I do too, I'm just... I don't know. I planned a special birthday for you for weeks, and now I ruined everything."

"Darling..." He lifted your chin so you would face him. "You didn't ruin anything. I don't care about anything as long as I can stay by your side. Just being here with you already sounds like the perfect night."

You couldn't speak. Your shame was huge, but the love you felt was bigger than anything in the world. Tom was sensitive enough to notice your limits and strong enough to never cross them. That's why you trusted him. That's why you knew he was the one, not only the you'd eventually lose your virginity to, but the one. For life.

"Let the time decide when things are supposed to happen." He held you even more tightly. "I'm not in a hurry. I'm not going anywhere, are you?"

"No." You snuggled into his chest and closed your eyes, not being able to hide your smile. "Without you I'm surely not."

---

Taglist:

@spidey-holland7

@theoneanna

@inlovewith3

@too-cold-for-youhere

@princetale

@drakesfiance

@kcd15

@Hiddlestylesbaby

@yzssie

@crescent-night

@thepowerofawkwardcompelsyou

@hiddlesbitch1

@schizophrenicstoryteller

@damyzzzzz

@scorpionchild81

@pxrrishly

[paramourning]

You know when u “remember” feelings, like when you sense a smell out of suddent and it reminds you of something. I have this reeeeally vivid moment in my mind where it was 4 am or something and paramore’s self titled album leaked and (sorry pmore) I listened to it and i was so happy. I had to be up and ready at 8 am to go to class but i didn’t sleep at all because those songs were so beautiful and meaningful to me. I felt that exact kind of happiness when Hard times was realeased. idk why I brought this up but i felt really grateful to pmore for these REAL feelings. Sometimes is easy to forget realness and u feel empty because of LIFE and i’m glad i had this sudden memory today<3 

[behometonight]

also I think I need to put 2 of a “friends” dogs for adoption bc I don’t think he’s any good for them at all. like lmao I dont know how dont ask me, I just need to find other owners for  them and convince him to give them.I've had this thought for forever now, he’s an awful person and he thinks he’s entitled to everything including these 2 dogs. he is poor, the food he gives them is store brand and it’s not good for them, he doesn’t have money for every of their need, he doesn’t even look out for them...I mean he’s ok and he takes long walks with them but sometimes he just completely forgets about them while he’s talking to me or someone else and then he suddently remembers and he asks “oh where’e xdog? shit I can’t see him” ????? like you HAVE to keep an eye on your dogs when youre in the park what the hell!! and AN IMMENSE AMOUNT OF TIMES either of his dogs has crossed the road (with cars!!) while he was distracted—then of course I'm keeping an eye on them and I say, go get xdog he went to the road—then he goes get them and he sits looks all fucking stressed literally almost starts crying says “oh my god I am so anxious rn oh damnoh damn” BUT like no kidding dude if you don’t mind your dogs something can happen to them. he’s literally the fucking worse—not to mention he has been awful with me, it doesn't matter how, what matters is that not only does he not treat women with respect but also he cant do the same for his dogs that he claims to love so desperately. I have grown incredibly attached to both of his dogs—one girl and one boy, both seemingly young. I just can’t have them being with him and being badly taken care of—they were both abandoned, he found both of them and kept them in the last year. which is great of course and thank god but at the same time...he’s not great either and I'm anxious for them tbh. I just think of all the rest of the years they have and to spend them with him...wouldn’t be good at all I think. he’s eventually gonna get some job or a girlfriend or a group of friends or wtv and he’s gonna care and do less and less. plus his house is terribly small and his room as well which is where they spend most of the time. like, they are two medium sized dogs! in a house like that. idk why I'm making this post I just worry so much for them, I thought abt keeping them myself but at the moment I cant bc I live w my parents and she doesnt let me. I just, god im so mad at this dude. he used to just “walk them” in one of those closed parks with a few play-things for dogs, with a fence. but those parks are always small! and they have no fucking GRASS. which is what dogs want lol. he only started going to real fucking parks with ME, because I was so shocked they spent all that time there and I said we should go to real parks. anyway. idk how imma do it but I rlly need to find a way to get the best for those dogs. 

[justkpopstuffinmyhead]

GD Concert Berlin 30.09.2017

First off: Concert was AMAZING! Everything around it? - Not so much.

Before the concert: We had huge communication problems with Livenation and the Mercedes Benz Arena. They were telling the lovely lady who tried to organize the numbering, banners and stuff (Shout out to you sweetheart! You were amazing!) different things about the numbering (First they said saturday, then friday, suddently they told us fans saturday again) and that the VIPs didn’t need numbering, but then suddenly they did. Also On the picture of the MBA(Mercedes Benz Arena) It looked like VIP and FOS(Front of stage - our category) would be in one pit - turns out that’s not true.

Friday [Numbering Day]

We arrived pretty early on friday & went to pick up our albums (Pictures will follow after this post) & then went to our room (Super cute and pretty close to the MBA) and then 3 HOURS BEFORE THE NUMBERING STARTS we were like “Let’s go there early and talk to ppl!“ So we went there and we met the sweetest ppl actually (Special shout out to the sweetheart that turned 19 on the concert day!)  and me and my best friend left to go back to our room & pick up our jackets because it was getting cold. Suddenly my friend messages me. “Come back. everyone is standing. They start numbering.“ That was 2 hrs before numbering was supposed to start. So we ran back there (Lemme tell you - I DON’T RUN) and were there barely in time to stand with the rest. Got our numbers (55 & 56) and left. at that point everything was fine for FOS.

Remember how I said that VIP didn’t need numbering? - Well, later that day they were like “VIP DOES HAVE A NUMBERING IT STARTS AFTER FOS!“ Didn’t concern us . Still shitty thing to do

Saturday [Concert day - Before concert]

We woke up at 10 and by 1 pm the sweethearrt that stood in line with us was like “GUYS YOU HAVE TO COME NOW NUMBERING IS NOT OFFICIAL ANYMORE.“ So we run - again. And then we stand there and suddenly there are two FOS lines. The right one is for everyone that got their numbers friday, The left one for everyone who got their numbers Saturday bc there was a miscommunication during the night and they suddenly started with no.01 again. When we get there I suddenly turn responsible (Someone stop me) and start helping the others with giving information out and putting everyone in order. Unforunately (or fortunately maybe) I left for a while to go pick up my nose spray cause this stupid person has a chronic cold (it’s my fault so that’s why I’m stupid) and when we got back my other friend helped organizing. Some ppls were rly rude and annoyed and they even had to get the police to our line once.

After standing there for about 6 hours they let us in. Security was pretty nice. The only thing i thought was weird was that they didn’t do a body check on me? Like idk why? We went to the FOS are and actually stood right up front to the right . Due to even more people pushing to the front we were pushed together and we told one person that they should please stop pushing us (My best friend could barely stand on her toes, she was forced to tiptoe the entire time) and we had an argument that calmed down, but then my friend was on her tiptoes again and just stood back down on her feet and we all started argueing again and were all rly heated (we told them that they were pushing us and they thought that we were blaming them  when we actually weren’t trying to do that. I mean we can’t rly say that “The people behind you are pushing us“ when it’s them doing the pushing. U understand?) And then my best friend got mad and we switched places (She was now in front of me because I’m 4cm taller and could see a bit better)  and she blamed herself the entire time and was crouching because that was supposed to be my concert and due to the stress and argueing(I’m someone that doesn’t like to argue) I started crying like the crybaby  I am and in between I was actually close to fainting because I couldn’t breath properly and my fingers and lips were tingling because of the lack of oxygen. 

[This is where we stood without zoom. Would have uploaded the entire video but someone is singing rly off key. idk who tho]

Saturday [Concert]

When the concert started I had calmed down somethat and tried to make sure that the girls we had argued with had enough place - unfortunately that was barely possible because of the ppl behind all of us that started pushing. Some ppl ripped some hair out (Rip scalp), ppl rested their bodies and phones on us. Some even hit us with their lightsticks or phones ( By accident but they didn’t do anything to stop it if they noticed)

The concert itself was AMAZING. GD was so cute and adorable and he looks really good life. He felt really real in a way - like a person and less like a star. Just the way he spoke to us was really down to earth and he was sorta nervous. His english was hella cute. ROD was lit. Divina Commedia was super touching (We had some ppl from Italy in our hostel and the way they say it is just beautiful)  There was an interview of his friends & family talking about Gdragon and Kwon Jiyong - The way his family spoke of him was beautiful. They were proud of him and that made me happy for him.

The only thing I really realized was that this is his dream and that he basically gave up his private life to be able to make us happy. - And how do some ppl thank him? By following him around when he’s looking at the cities, by stalking him, by standing infront of restaurants he’s dining in, by screaming while he’s talking at concerts (If he stands back to give us time to scream and shout it’s fine - I was part of that screaming as well - but you don’t  scream at your friends face when their telling you something, right? That’s just rude) and that just somewhat broke my heart. I wish that fans could just be more polite sometimes. I’m all for asking him if you randomly see him on the streets. But if someone says “No“. Just leave them alone. You wouldn’t want that for yourself as well. That’s not fan love anymore - that’s creepy.

But that’s another thing to discuss, right? Concert was amazing, organisation was a mess - as always. Something that European KPOP fans & organisers just can’t seem to work out hahaha :D

[ricekrispyjoints]

author about me

Tagged by @frenchibi​ !!!

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

no it’s not about weed my dad used to call me ricekrispies because of how easily i can crack a lot of my joints. he said i “snap crackle and pop”. so that’s me !

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

my absolute fave iwaoi piece that i’ve written, Learning to Walk (So that We Can Run) i’m so proud of it and so glad that it’s gotten so much love

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

it’s a manga cap of oikawa going “so fun~” bc i love my son xD

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

i’ve had a few people who will like, go through and read all my stuff in one go? and tbh i don’t get a lot of comments so really my favorite is everyone who decides to actually comment xD

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

There’s like. so many. i have literally over a hundred haikyuu fics bookmarked alone.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

according to ao3 i have 12 pages of subscriptions xD some of those have been abandoned i fear but i refuse to unsubscribe in case they return from the dead! bookmarks i have..... idk probably about 200 across all fandoms? the majority of that is haikyuu, but my yoi collection is growing.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

i’m not really sure... lately i’ve been working on a lot of trans hc���s, but of my published stuff idk if there’s really a pattern

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

116 user subs, 1936 bookmarks

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

at this point i’ve already crossed into writing smut, which was like fear #1 xD

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I just want to get more stuff written and published! i have so many more ideas than what i’ve actually put out there because I tend to bite off more than i can chew with some AUs...

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

i feel like i write majority iwaoi but of my published stuff it’s only 5/14 haikyuu fics?? xD my drafts folder, on the other hand.... i have a couple “rarepair” ships that i’ve written for (kurodai, hanamatsu) but i think the majority is popular ships

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

19 (but i orphaned a bunch of old johnlock fics lolll): 14 haikyuu, 3 snk, 2 yoi

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

uhhh 122 for fanfic, 84 original

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

usually write them down, but sometimes i like to leave them in my head while i kind of play with different ideas, before it becomes a solid story

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

not yet, but @frenchibi​ and i are gonna do something together !!

16. How did you discover AO3?

probably through tumblr? bc i was living my life on ff.net until suddently ao3 was like. everywhere xD

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

lmao no not at all xD

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

pfft no

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

i don’t really remember? i’ve been writing (non-fandom) since i was a kid, but i don’t know what got me started. childhood is kinda hazy for me D: now, my friends have been a huge inspiration to keep me going, helped beta things for me, bounce ideas around... that kind of thing :)

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

start small. i mean yes, there are people who are successful at like “this is my first fic ever! it’s an 80k wip!!” but i highly recommend starting with shorter stuff. get a feel for world building, character development (esp if it’s original writing!), and oh my gosh endings ?? the worst.

also just write what you love. if you want to hc everyone in the entire show as a bunch of trans gay people, then do it. who cares if that’s “unrealistic”. who cares! if it makes you happy, do it.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

depends. for short one shots, it’s usually like “oh what if this happened!” and then i just write it all out. for longer things or multi-chapters, i like to outline where i’m going, major plot points, etc. for my longest fic to date (152k) i had a separate like 20k document of backstory, character info, etc.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

happily, no. i’ve had a couple of comments with like, suggestions or polite criticism, but never of the work in general and always really kind and well-meaning.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

smut continues to be a challenge, tho i like to think i’m getting better at it? and angst. i love to read it, but i don’t think i’m so good at writing it.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

currently editing my nanowrimo project, rising, which i have now posted chapter 1 of!

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

i have so many pans in the fire it’s crazy but i do prioritize one particular story at a time

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

honestly no. during nanowrimo i did, but i’m in grad school and unfortunately personal writing has taken a back seat to that

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

oh my gosh yes yes yes. a million times. i started when i was like. a child. i have read some of my old stuff and Y I K E S. cringey.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

definitely my knee surgery recovery fic, but followed closely by an original piece i wrote about my mental illness.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

um anything i wrote for the bbc sherlock fandom i orphaned many moons ago. xD

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

i want to get back into a little of my original stuff again, but hopefully continue writing fanfic.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

sometimes when you just get into the flow of it and it feels like no time has passed but you’ve written like 4k in one go xD

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

endings. i don’t know how to finish a story. two of my nanowrimo projects (original fiction) just. are sitting on my comp. unfinished. it hurts :(

33. Why do you write?

because i think language is amazing and i like bending it to what i want to express

thank you so much for tagging me, this was fun and a great way to procrastinate my homework

i don’t really know a lot of authors?? so if you are an author and want to do this, i am officially tagging you :D

[vinilsoup]

ok so this is a vent post caus is 2am and i woke up in pain, and im sad. Under the read more bc probably will be negative

My whole life has been a big mess. My parents were old and had an overly anxious kid (me), my mom had depression and treated me as an equal and not as a fucking child and i didnt have maturity to deal with her problems, and i started showing signs of depression really early. But instead of getting me into theraphy they put me into meds, and they always blamed me for my bad behaviator once I hit like 10 yo but like they only listened to me and my problems if i made a big deal abt it otherwise it was brushed off. They always complained to me that people said I was spoiled and it was true and somehow it was my fault and not theirs. I always felt that if I never had been born they would be happier, bc I only caused trouble and didn’t exactly knew what I did wrong. If they were in a good mood, they wouldn’t even be mad, but if I did the same thing in a bad day it was suddently a big deal.

That would have been enought to traumatize me for a long time, but idk i guess i pissed off some god or something in a past life bc I literally had to see my mother suffer a long and painful death at a hospital when I was 14. I was very close to her and the only reason I didn’t started trying to kill myself earlier is bc she was able to calm me down always, not sure how. From her death foward my life goes to complete shit. Had only one person i was able to get close to after that, and it was a pretty toxic friendship for both of us(nowadays its my best friend but i cant deny the bad past). I was also very very lonely, didnt get along with my father bc my mom used to paint him as a monster to me and i still believed that and ended up blaming him for her death which i feel really bad abt bc he was literelly depressed after her death. He told me multiple times I was the reason he was still alive, the worst part is that my mom used to say the same thing for me while I was growing up. So when she died I literally felt I had no reason to be alive anymore. 

Oh yeah and I was born into the mormon church lmao and when my mom died i started to slowly stop going to the church activities and they got mad at me bc of it like ???? when I decided to stop going, the bishop came into my house without calling, just showed at the door, and told me even if I kept following the church rules,I would still not get to heaven bc I wasn’t going every sunday.  I had told him before that i still believed it but I didn’t feel like going anymore bc I got home depressed every time I stepped into that church. After that, I wasnt able to pray for about a year bc i was terrified god would tell me to go back to the church and i didn’t want that to happen. I felt like I was going to go to hell if god was real, bc i really used to believe the mormon shit.

When things started to get better, when me and my dad started getting along and I had finally found good doctors to help me with my suicidal tendendcies (I literally tried to kill myself every month for like 2 years), my dad died. I had just turned 18. I have several issues because of trauma. I can’t trust people, I always think they’re with me bc I agree with everything and people will hate me if I don’t. I still have a lot of trouble with sexual themes bc of the mormon, i feel like i can’t slight inconvenience people or they will hate me, i feel responsable for other people hapiness, and still am not able to find I reason I want to live, I always think to live for other people, I care too much about what other people think, I’m overly sensitive, I can’t stand up for myself without feeling I’m wrong, and usually I have a panic attack if I have to stabilish boundaries with someone who disrespects me. I don’t know how to fix this. I’m trying, but its so hard to not be afraid of other people.

The good part is that I stopped trying to kill myself every month, but it still happens ocasionally. But its still very hard to me to believe things will get better, like from the beginning my life wasnt easy, and it only got harder, I absolutely still feel like my mental illness is my fault and I’m not trying hard enought to ‘beat it”. Its just so unfair, I am not able to be dependable on other people bc i feel like i can’t, i feel like i can’t be a burden and i always isolate myself. I’ve been in quarantine completely alone the last 5 months, and don’t have money to go see my family, and they seem like they don’t want me to go see them anyway. I live far from all my friends. I know this is a very bad thing but sometimes my friends tell me about their problems and I can’t take it seriously after all I’ve been thought. I try to, bc  i know what is like to not have you problems be taken seriously bc people think its not a big deal. Im very sensitive and never had my feelings taken seriously.

Like, Im supposed to believe it gets better?? It was always been hard, and I havent been able to actually enjoy life. Life was always painful and unkind to me. I had a friend who said he enjoyed life and I remember thinking he was insane, I didn’t understand, I thought life was shitty to everyone, but then I saw it wasn’t. Some people are happy. Some people don’t even have big problems. I never saw that friend of mine complain about anything. I feel bad about it bc i remember getting genuinely angry abt it, and I shouldnt be angry that other people have a good life, but I genuinely don’t understand why some people are so happy and in the other hand some people are so miserable. And I know I don’t have it that bad. It could be worse.

I’ve been dealing with my mental health my whole life, but most of the time I feel like I’m too broken to be fixed. That I never will have a life that makes me feel that being alive is worth it, because to me being alive feels like a sacrifice, it always felt. I’m scared, what if I’m never able to move foward? I don’t know if I have the strenght to fix by myself everything I have been throught. Ever since I was a kid I always said that I didn’t asked to be born and it stands to this day. I still feel responsible for my unhapiness, but I didnt ask to be me. I feel like if i was another person, id be able to deal better with all of this. 

I know its a very negative point of view, but right now its how i feel. I’m just tired, very tired.

[teahouse3]

- tw- long,rambling 

ok nm im just suddently out of it and tired and exasusted and cal m all of a sudden and now im like

i want the shadow being who had sex with me to come back like

it was real and im questioning if something in my past happened more with it and my memoery changed it to something else with the being i miss it i want them to come back i wanna see them again this shadow being im not C*razy it was real! i only remember one park i cant figure out where it was was it something else and are my memories repressed im convinced that it was something else and i keep thinking about this god damn shadow beingh who fucked me and i just wanna knoe where it went and thats its fucking real it was rwel???!! did something else happen 

im so tired i dont wanna think anymore did something fucking happen to me??? i feel like my mom is hiding something from me its not true it was the shadoe being ???! i saw it i know i did it was a real memory from someplace i want them back i wanna see them again to know it was real it was a encounter possibly i

dont know

i wanna see the shadow being again why cant i fucking rEMEMBER anything why am i so UGH 

it WAS SOMETHING 

i said it there

it wasent just a memory it was a being who like idfk

was it??? >>? ???? 

im super tired now

im so pathetic

and messed up

idk whats real 

everyone s gonna hate me id i do try to talk about it

i cant make sence of anything

or everyone will prolly just think im faking or lying

but whatever

if u hate me just let me die

im not gonna waste ur time

or try to convince u

or myself

i just want to stop fucking thinking so much nobody will love someone like me who just wanted to feel FUCKING SOMETHING SO THEY PUNISH THEMSELVES ALL THE TIME and i need someone else to punish me i dont fucking care im so carless and i mess everything up i cant think whatver they r  all gonna judge me anyway inknow it im just

i dont fucking care anymore

i just wanna get hurt its all i ever felt and i cant bring myself to think of someone who will actually like me im so fuckED YP!! dont car about me im just gonna fuckin hurt u or make u upset IT ALWAYS HAPPENES why can i just stop talking to people i dont even say anything anymore or let anyone close to me better just shovepeople away than get hurt again and have them leabe i know it will happen i KNOW UR A MESS UR ALSWAYS GONNA BE ALONE