#idk who I’m doing after that though
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Desertduo going from devoted to each other, to barely interacting, to disliking each other, to being allies, to only interacting a little but in the end having to part ways due to what the overlords of their lives demand is so insane actually
#spinning them around in my brain#they’re so#fascinating#I need to study them#I also need to rewatch last life cause I know there’s interactions there that I need to study#not a lot of interactions#but interactions nonetheless#also need to watch scars pov once I’m done bigbs#and ethos#and Impulses#then Scar and then Skizz#idk who I’m doing after that though#desertduo#scarian#trafficshipping#can be platonic#if you want#GoodTimesWithScar#Grian#third life#last life#double life#limited life#secret life#traffic life#life series#trafficblr
54 notes
·
View notes
Text
took myself on a little shopping trip yesterday in the city where i used to study in hopes of lifting my spirits but by the end of the day i felt so disheartened. wandering the same streets 10 years later and not much has changed. i’m still the same lonely unlovable girl.
#i just wanted to have a good time and not rot in bed for once on my work free weekend but of course my brain can’t let that happen#it was such a lovely day actually the weather was sunny and windy it wasn’t too hot or cold ideal weather to stroll through the city#i had delicious food and found some comfortable clothes but at the end of the day i just felt so empty and worn out#seeing all these couples and friend groups and families and i’m still all by myself after so many years#tbh i’m even lonelier now than i was 10 years ago back then i at least had a few friends#idk what i’m doing with my life tbh.. i just want to be happy but even when i take myself on a cute little date i end up feeling miserable#bc it just hits me how truly lonely i am#i fear i’m incapable of forming any genuine relationships anymore bc i had so many bad experiences that i just stopped trying to connect..#with anyone.. even though i crave community friendship companionship and love i completely shut myself off from the world#i’m not even sure what i’m trying to say with all this.. i wish i knew how to be a person in this world#i wish i could be happy#tbh ever since i got back from my italy vacation i’ve been feeling depressed bc life could be so beautiful if i didn’t have to sacrifice..#almost all of my time for work#the post vacation depression is too real…#realizing you can only spend a very limited time traveling and enjoying yourself bc you have to work most of the time just to afford living#let me stop.. i keep rambling and my thoughts are falling like a waterfall#idk what’s wrong with me… i should have breakfast and put my phone away#sorry to anyone who actually reads all this word vomit#☁️
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
Larchpaw
She/her, 8 moons, cis molly
#Larchpaw#beetleclan#apprentice#clangen#warrior cats oc#kiri’s clangen#warrior#kiri's clangen#Wow i wonder who this mini Berrymurk is. Surely it’s not his one and only daughter#surely him and his daughter don’t have nearly identical sprites save for Larch having a slightly yellower tint and an apprentice pose#But to be so forreal the name Larch is actually really fitting becuase of that becuase larch trees are a conifer that isn’t an evergreen.#their needles turn yellow and fall off in the fall which fits because she’s just a little more yellow than her dad#I also made the pointy parts of her fur point down instead of up like the rest of her family just to show she doesn’t look all that much-#-like her grandma Gravelshock#She’s technically half-clan and her other parent is unknown so I like to think her other parent had droopier fur (though I have no one in-#-particular planned)#Anyways she’s sort of friends/rivals with Swallowpaw (who I’m planning on having as the starting POV for beetleclan) so expect to see and-#-read a lot of her whenever I get to the actual story part#I actually love Larch a lot she’s very cute I’m tempted to do her POV at least sometimes#but Idk#Also I’M FUCKING BACK!!!#can’t say how regular posts will be considering the computer I use to add the border afterwords is Wigging The Fuck Out Constantly and I-#-can barely use it but I’ve got one more cat queued after this at least so there’s that!#I can’t wait to get to the actual story I’m gonna do it in fic form with some illustrations scattered throughout instead of a comic (unless#-I feel like a specific moons needs a comic)#and I think I’ll put in on my AO3 which’ll be fun so yeah. I’m excited to finally get through all these designs hopefully over this summer#and I’m done with hs now so I can continue working on it during this next year because I don’t plan on doing college immediately!! So yeah-#-I’ve got a lot of time on my hands now and I’m excited to get back to Projects!!#I’m thinking of doing commissions on my main too (including warriors/clangen designs) so look out for that if you’re interested
25 notes
·
View notes
Note
I'm so looking forward to iroh and zuko properly talking and seeing irohs reaction to zuko being gay.
Like we all know he doesn't agree with the fire nation rn but how will he react?
Will he not support him cause sokkas a guy? Will he not support him because it's SOKKA? Will he accept him? Will he reveal he's known for years zuko was gay?
Especially with everything that happened with zhao, regarding to what jee said to bato on their date. (Which is a very understandable perspective, zuko just got out of this very sexually traumatising situation and almost immediately starts a relationship (his first relationship) with sokka, but then again it is a very unique situation)
One thing I love about some atla fics is how they portray the FNs thoughts on queerness, cause on one hand they were one of the only country's (I think) that treated men and women the same but then again it's also the fucking fire nation.
And I also think zukos whole canon arc can be very comparative to queerness,
His dads an asshole and after speaking out against him he throws him out, and zuko try's for 3 years to regain his father's love and acceptance, and then faced with the opportunity of regaining it takes it immediately regardless of who or what he may hurt (iroh, his own morals etc) but once he makes it back home realises how fucked up everything is and eventually confronts his dad and openly tells him he doesn't agree with him then runs aways.
I also wonder if iroh secretly knows jee is queer it doesn't seem that likely to me but it also is iroh so who knows.
<3
I do think Iroh’s reaction will be a big moment for not only the story but for Zuko’s character development. Right now, Zuko’s technically still a prisoner, holding himself there by assuming Iroh will not understand or judge him when in reality he’ll never know what his uncle is thinking until they TALK ABOUT IT. (Which the FN royal family is just sooo good at healthy communication I don’t understand why this is so hard for them lol?!)
I do agree that the suddenness of the relationship combined with the intensity from both zuko and Sokka is very alarming for people looking at it from the outside (I mean we all totally get it cause we were there but others are like uhhhh hmmmm ok this might be concerning) so I get them gossiping and wondering if this is truly real or what the fucks going on with those boys.
I love Zukos canon arc because there’s just so much about zukos story that can be relatable no matter who you are and I think that’s why he is a fan favorite (it doesn’t explain why we torture him the way we do but ehhhh it’s fine haha)
Hmmmmmm does iroh know Jees gay? Depends on how saucy those music nights got ;)
#HAHAHA DO SEE THE JEEROH JOKE SOCKS?!?! I hope you see it through all your House reblogging nonsense haha#Jk you obsess over your new blorbos I support you!#I love this ask thank you#I also love that canon gave us so much to work with but left it loose enough we could do what we wanted#like I’ve read the fire nation written so many different ways in fics it’s insane#And I love all the unique thoughts!#I will continue to flesh out the FN little by little as we progress#An azula pov (or someone from her squad) will be part of every new chapter until the end#She’s a coming haha#I don’t know if iroh knows Jee is gay#Or that jee is like one date away from hooking up with bato haha#Or that zuko is already kind of hooking up with sokka (not really but I mean they’re getting prettttttttty snuggly haha)#But yeah idk I’m excited this next chapter it is A LOT#& we will be SUPER CLOSE to getting some answers to your questions lol#Thanks for this cool ask these are my favorite asks#Sorry if you’ve sent me an ask lately and I haven’t responded I’m getting better at that I promise#I will say though that I don’t respond to asks if I genuinely don’t know what to say or if I feel I might come off too mean or rude.#So yeah sorry anyone who’s ask I didn’t respond#(I also forget them in drafts and then feel weird about posting it after it’s been a month so I’m sorrrryyyyyy…)#Ok phew this was a lot of tags sorry#monsieugrgraves#Leaving it all behind#LIAB#ITF#ask
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
If Kipperlilly DOES end up betraying Porter/Jace as part of a secret other scheme she has (whether good or evil) and it has to do with saving Lucy, I just know she’s going to be a bitch about it and pull a ‘sorry, I only save High Five Heroes’ before leaving her other friends to die or some shit. And then she will take her final form: Magic Betty from Adventure Time, betraying her allies and saving her frost gf at the expense of the world. It would also parallel what Ankarna is going through (‘your girlfriend’s out of town, it sucks’, becoming a little imperialist rage machine under the influence of Porter/Sunstone but not being able to fully turn on Lucy despite going against her values and turning into a violent weirdo). This is my wish. My dream. I am manifesting it. Magic Betty Kipperlilly I believe in you.
#I am currently painting clown makeup on my face rn but this is what I’ve been rooting for from the beginning so let me dream#Come on though she HAS to have some other shit going on though right?#She was DEFINITLY in that temple when the Bad Kids said Ankarna’s name#Brennan literally rolled#and we know she was in Porter’s office#so WHY hadn’t she told him Ankarna’s real name yet? We know he genuinely believed Fig found it#Also the BKs couldn’t see who was in the window during the Wanda Childa scene#Which one of the RGs has invisibility?#HMMMM#Wanda saying ‘Kipperlilly? Why are you doing this? Is it because you’re jealous?’ before getting carried off by a fake Porter would let KP#know ‘okay they FULLY saw what happened after I killed Buddy and are onto us’ which would cause her to follow them to the temple#Also…if NONE of the Rat Grinders knew Ankarna’s name then what did Lucy write on her form to change her divinity???#We KNOW it was Ankarna’s name and not the ‘symbol representing her’ because no one could see it BECAUSE the god was dead and no one alive#knew her name#Which means Lucy HAD TO HAVE KNOWN and was keeping it from the others right?#And when she died and didn’t come back they were fucked because they couldn’t even check the form anymore#But#Brennan also said that if Porter WASNT using Devil’s Honey and genuinely believed in Rage And Conquest goddess Ankarna instead of just her#domain then he and his ritual would (maybe) bring her back instead of killing her permenantly so he can take her domain#And idk#A powerful goddess of rage and conquest who despite everything can’t be turned against her sister and ex#who’s resurrection would mean the rune could be broken and Lucy can come back to life#One who has (or had) a personal vendetta against at least one of the bad kids#and a personal vendetta against the people who led to Lucy’s death#that sounds pretty appealing to someone as spiteful and obsessive as Kipperlilly doesn’t it#especially after her best (maybe only real) friend died and didn’t come back#especially if she stayed dead specifically to stop Porter#Again I’m putting my clown makeup on but I don’t want her to be secretly good or anything just unhinged and gay and a parallel to Ankarna#Please world let me have this I’m on my knees#dimension 20
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about how one of the last things john ever tells dean is an admittance that the way he treated him was fucked. & of course this destroys dean and makes it so much harder for him to come to terms w his death right after and with his childhood in general bc he’s spent his entire life chasing after johns approval. he’s spent his entire life telling himself that the way he was treated was okay and justified and that their childhood was good because he could handle it and he was strong enough and that was how it had to be. he’s worshipped john as a hero and seen nothing wrong with any of it. because he’s had to. his entire life is built around this idea there’s nothing else. he’s his dads perfect soldier and punching bag and wife-replacement and suddenly his dads gone & he said he’s sorry and that he shouldn’t have treated dean that way. what the hell is he supposed to do now.
#augh. i don’t know i haven’t seen enough of this show yet but.#thinking about that episode with the abused kid who has psychic powers like sams and sam sees himslef in the kid a lot#but is horrified by the extent of the abuse and keeps saying like. Dean i never thought i’d say this but you’re right dad was pretty good i#guess we were really lucky to have him. it could’ve turned out a very different way.#and deans just like. idk there’s something about his face. like he wants to agree cause this is what he’s always saying but he Cant.#because. well. sams thinking about this kid with circumstances so similar to him who ended up entirely victimised by his father and#thinking Wow i had something that kid didn’t. i had MY dad who was so much better after all (despite kicking me out of the house and#always refusing to support me but wtv)#but really the thing sam had was DEAN.#dean as sam’s protector and john’s golden child and the adult of the family. dean as the person#john winchester comes home to after a hunt the person who tells him it’s okay#dean playing the part of his dead mom and still shielding sammy from the worst of their father and as a result internalising that this was#fine.#what the hell is he going to do now that his fathers dead? after his fathers dead and wrong and theoretically morally weak and admitted hed#raised dean badly?#IDK!!! i’m sure excited to see him continue to break down though#(have just finished s2e2 for future me ref)#supernatural#<- Sorry guys i’m batshit obsessed.#father by the front bottoms dean song of all time#spn#oliver talks
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
the fear of being dragged into like 10 fandoms all simultaneously and only being able to draw things for like. 1 of those fandoms because you aren’t confident with humanoids yet
#For those wondering#The fandoms I’m being dragged into are:#splatoon/object shows/ultrakill (even though I’ve always been hovering over that one)/little nightmares/hades/fnaf/the magnus archives…#INHALE#slay the princess/bugsnax/kirby/Pikmin/just shapes and beats/ANNNDDDD POKEMON (for the second time)#HELP.#I AM CURRENTLY#IN#PHIGHTING. REGRETEVATOR. AND RAINWORLD#AND MY HK/SPIDERVERSE/AND WARRIOR CAT PHASES ARE SLOWLY APPROACHING ME WITH A BASEBALL BAT#FEAR#anyways sorry for the silly little ramble#but so far Little Nightmares/splatoon/and Ultrakill are the ones who I’m probably gonna start hyperfixating on after phighting#If I ever do loose my PHIGHTING hyperfixation LOL#Idk that one is holding on STRONG for some reason#Anyways I am tired so Nighty night#Going back into my little hole in the everglades#cro chatter
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
why do baby otohan’s colors look like fuckign TOOTHPASTE in this version 😭😭😭
#first version was a red-orange to vaguely green yellow analogous palette then i messed with the clothes a little and now i am failing at#color theory. help. this split complementary teal(ish) color and orange(ish) and pink(ish) is NOT working out#i do like my og colors so I’ll recolor this clothing version with that palette. but make otohan’s skin more saturated lol#i always desaturate skin so much 😭 it looks okay after rendering but OOF. light skin especially fucks me up WHY IS IT SO HARD TO DRAW#but yeah back to the original point I’m definitely gonna try out a bunch of different color palettes#i like the new clothes. i was definitely NOT an outdoorsy kid so idk what I’m doing here but#for the purposes of giving her a pointy stick I hc otohan to be that. i love the outdoorsy toothpaste baby. that’s a normal sentence to say#about otohan thull who is not depicted to be ANY of those things canonically. can you imagine if she was though. toothpaste killed 3 of bh#while screaming and crying and flailing around as babies do. can you imagine#… can y’all tell it’s INCREDIBLY late lmao?#wait i think i have a “late night art rambling” tag one sec#anyways that’s that for tonight’s late night art ramblings lol#<- THERE IT IS!#art ramblings
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
Anyone who’s out of high school or in college, do teenage boys eventually get nicer? They make me not want to go to school.
#sorry to the good teenage boys out there#but I hate these guys so much#why am I being harassed just because they don’t find me attractive#why do they come up to me and say random shit just because I’m quiet#I remember in sixth grade a boy called me a gorilla because of my hairy arms#and it’s been years and I still haven’t recovered I bleach my arm hairs because of that#it got better when I grew into my body a bit more but still#they call girls females and speak lowly of them#this one guy said he would never be afraid of a female even though he’s under 4’9 and everyone is taller than him#ik height is not relevant but why is his ego taller than him#they’ve called me out on my checks flushing (it’s rosacea)#and the amount of times I’ve heard them rate a girls body behind their backs is gross#and now that I’m not ‘ugly’ they respect me which still sucks bc why is that the reason they don’t treat me like shit#and the girls who are like them and condone the behavior are just as bad bc why are you against yourself do we not have enough difficulties#anyways#had to ask this#because the school year is starting and that means I have to see them again#after a nice summer of recovering from then#rant?#idk#when do they outgrow the middle school phase because it doesn’t look like it’s happening anytime soon#teenage boy#girlhood#?#or is that just me#pjo#kotlc#high school#idk what to tag this as#school core
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Kinn really has so much love inside of him, huh? And the way he loves Porsche with everything, when he lets himself love him, it’s just like… All that love has been bursting to get out and now it finally has somewhere to go
#KinnPorsche#I have more thoughts but they’re not yet coherent#but idk it’s interesting how fully he loves even though he still has trust issues and he fucks up a lot (I guess they both do)#and the contrast of Porsche who has had the deep bond with his brother that he can express openly but has never been in love#with Kinn who has been in love but was betrayed by it and is more restrained in general#(well emotionally if not with the murder :P)#like he’s not affectionate with anyone but Porsche#also Vegas is probably even more interesting in this way??? literally never been shown love and just goes right into domestic mode#(okay not right into! but the parallels with both him and Kinn looking up cooking on YouTube was cute)#I also had some thoughts about Porsche who has never had anyone to look after him and stuff and the dynamic with kinn wrt that#but idk I know this has probably all been said before but I like getting my own thoughts out#but then I get embarrassed in case I’m wrong or something haha#Lazzarella watches tv
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Super fun fact. If you show up to the Pokémon Center on your birthday, they’ll wish you a happy birthday!
#a little bummed that none of my friends got me anything#and extra bummed that my friend who said they were so excited to hang out with me that night completely ignored me when it was time#after I told them the time in the morning and they said they were so excited for it#kinda dying a little#like at least a few of my friends showed up but like#to explain that you’re super excited and then just completely abandon me when it’s time?!?!?!#and it’s not like they’d have to do a bunch of work to get there#it was literally just a VC on a discord server that they’re in 👍#the truest birthday present that I got was kindness from my tumblr mutuals 👍#ANYWAY I KNOW IT’S A COUPLE DAYS LATER#but like idk how to be like ‘hey I know some of you couldn’t make it so do you guys maybe wanna do a party soon 😊😊😊???’ without it being-#passive aggressive#and they’ll probably just miss it again#I know it was a couple of days ago but like I’ll milk my birthday all I want because I was excited to see them :(#I’m tempted to make an edit of all of the games that wished me a happy birthday#even though it was just four
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Chat what if I started crying
Tw for animal death in the tags
#my senior cat is doing not great#she must’ve been bitten by some large neighborhood animal#she’s pretty sick and has some bite marks from canine teeth on her lower back#she probably won’t make it through the night#I really hope she does so we can get her to the vet#why didn’t we take her when we first found the bite marks#if she doesn’t at least she dies with loved ones#unlike my other cat#who died from being attacked by some different beast#like god two three years ago at this point#idk why this cat is making me feel so much worse#maybe it’s because instead of my mom randomly sitting me down and telling me#I’m watching her decline in real time#we probably won’t get another new cat after this#I hope we do though#I don’t like not having a fuzzy little study buddy#and my other cat at the moment doesn’t really do affection#I have a little bit of hope though because she still has enough energy to be hissy spitty at the dog for simply existing#and when we moved her from one end of a bed to the other she stood up and re situated herself#lowkey wanna start sobbing but idk I feel like that’d make my parents pay attention to me and that’s lowkey what I don’t want#like idk my family does the physical affection like hugging and shit#but when k feel like shit that’s not really my thing#and boy howdy do I feel like shit#anyway rant over#bye
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
*Types into search bar*
“How to still be an active fan of a creator when previously being an obsessive fan for most of your teens because they were one of the few good things keeping you from killing yourself in middle school so now trying to become a more casual fan feels like a betrayal and I cannot get into new fandoms because the high I got in middle school from the extreme emotion switch cannot be replicated both because I’m literally twenty and I’m far from suicidal so now and I love these creators with my whole heart and still engage with all of their new content but I want to move on while also still being a fan but I just can’t?”
#this is about dan and phil lol#literally my pfp and url is inspired from them and my identity partly is them#they were my first healthy adult relationship I saw as a child so it feels fucking hard to turn away#and I just can’t get into any new content because it’s not the same#also I’m really picky in who I like to read fanfic about and most fandoms don’t fit that criteria but that’s irrelevant at this time#idk#the phandom is dying because we’re all getting older and have learned how to be healthy about an interest#and it hurts to watch it happen to yourself#idk I can always fall back on it when they upload new content#that’s actually what I do#I still get that same high when they upload#but it fizzles out after a few hours#WHICH IS HEALTHY#but I’ve spent so long obsessing over it that this casual treatment feels like betrayal#I feel like I can’t be the only one going through this though#hmu to create a support group for people who were rabidly obsessed with dnp in their early teenage years accompanied with severe mental#illness and are now getting older and healthier so you don’t get that same obsession but you’re still a fan but you can’t join any new#fandoms and so on#also if you just happen to know of a fandom stanning something that includes a real carnon gay relationship where both parties are gay and#the fics fucking slap please lmk#I mean ig it can be fictional but I just have a thing with them not being fully gay irl#I’m not gonna start because I don’t want to be cancelled#so many people have gone through this phase of going rabid to normal why did no one warn me#rae’s rambles#dan and phil
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
it’s not that it makes me sad per se but i really could’ve been dating someone i did actually kind of really want to date since JULY. and now the moment is literally so far gone and i didn’t realise until the moment was so far gone !!!
#like it actually doesnt make me sad because there wouldve been major complications Had we dated#and the person who i trust most in this world has told me theyre glad it didnt happen#and i think in the long run he’s not the First person i should date anyway like in an ideal world we’d date like. 2-3 years on from now when#i’d been in at least one relationship to work out how i operate in a relationship#but it’s also like i wish i had known that the opportunity was there and i wish i had taken it#and part of me goes well maybe in 2-3 years it COULD happen#but i think that does a disservice to the person he’s dating now like . i do hope they’re happy and it goes well for the both of them#AND ALSO ITS WEIRD AS FUCK TO BE LIKE OH WELL MAYBE IN A FEW YEARS ILL DATE THIS PERSON *AFTER* another person??????#like bitch who do you think u are that you’ll have managed to date ANYONE in that time and also why the fuck would u date someone without#hoping it would last????????#but thoughts ≠ action nor are they inherently moralistic#but also that’s a weird way 2 think about relationships#it’d be funny if it happened though#idk i just think that if the timing was different he and i could have so much fun dating like genuinely i think it’d be a really good time#but it’s really weird because i’m not pining away after him or anything like ik it sounds like i am#but it’s not like that it’s more just that it’s opened up all these thoughts that i hadn’t really thought possible before ?#and they’re not possible NOW bc he’s dating someone else so i’m in exactly the same position but idk#i think i’m getting too settled. i’m TOO SETTLED.#because it’s literally not normal to think oh maybe in three years we could date and it’d be better timing for both of us ???????????#unhinged behaviour. what the fuck is that.#it’d be fucking hilarious if it happened tho
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao#it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck
#who is talking about this!!!! let me know#idk i have 0 expectations for my family but they still somehow always manage to let me down which#i was anticipating#and i didn’t think i would care because i have never cared before#but liiiiiike.#i wasn’t expecting to feel sad rofl but my family is so fucking flaky. again i KNOW THIS i know i cannot rely on any of them#it’s annoying when i have given them a year and a half to make plans and i have had so many people tell me they would be there#just to back out or ghost or come up with some excuse#like do you know how expensive weddings are 😭 JUST fucking be honest with me and rsvp no#anyway i was very intentional with the few family members i did invite#and specifically invited people i have a rapport with / had a good (ish lol) relationship with growing up#people i have bent over backwards trying to please!!! and dropping everything to help them out#and they can’t even be bothered to communicate with me lol it’s fine. like. i do feel like it’s internalized homophobia at this point#or maybe they have hated me this entire time which is totally plausible#but they KNOW how much ayesha means to me and knows that no one from her family is coming to our wedding#at the end of the day it’s going to be like. 5 people from my family 1 from ayesha’s (her brother) and like 30-40 friends#which i am so grateful for obviously#i sound like such a brat but it’s also like - watching your family continuously choose drugs/alcohol over showing up for you - lol#AGAIN i’m used to this and expected as much but i’m still feeling bad#just rsvp so i can move on with my life please. stop telling me you’re trying to make it work when we both know you aren’t#i have so much more to say but i’m going to sound crazy even though i knooooow it is homophobia like i Know it#i think there are certain people i will finally go no contact with for good after this#which is a freeing thought but i only invited v few family members to begin with. there’s abt to be no one left lmao#probably for the best#ugh whatever#again i can’t help but feel a certain way when they have done more/traveled further for relatives they hardly know#meanwhile i was forced to spend so much of my life living for these people and for them alone#AAAAAAAA i just want to scream#text
6 notes
·
View notes