#idk where im going with this its just. so much life i've been missing out on with ye olde 40 hour work week guys im

[severeweatheralert]

currently so good at being unemployed that i'm somehow kinda busy most days

[adventuringblind]

Hi I saw your requests are open you don’t have to write anything if you don’t want to but I had this idea and I wanted to share

I was thinking of meting Charles on Monaco maybe during Sumer break or something, and being a little homesick so he decides to take us to a bookstore (sorry I just like to rad a lot you can change the place) and just talking about like a book he likes and just sitting on the floor with him looking for something to read and getting romantic

Idk if it makes sense but thank you and have a nice day/night

Home is Where You Are

Charles leclerc x reader

Genre: fluff

Request: Yes! I hope you enjoy it, I thought the idea was super cute! I'm open for Max, Charles, Lando, Oscar, George, and Daniel. Also, up for poly fics if anyone is interested. (If you have too much love to go around, clap your hands)

Summary: living with Charles is a dream come true. Longing for home, though, can strike anyone. Good thing he's there to help you through it until you can find time to go visit.

Warnings: home sickness, straight fluff

Notes: written in second person. Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated!

Also, I've sent up my account to let tips be enabled. I was debating whether or not to say this because i dont want to sound like im begging, but frankly, people opinions do not matter me me. If you like my writing and want to support me, please consider tipping my posts or my blog. I put a lot of effort into my writing, and it would mean the world to me. Obviously, I won't have my feelings hurt if you ignor this, but I wanted to put it out there.

Masterlist

You and Charles had been together for a while now. Managing to do some long distance when you couldn't travel with him.

Now you were engaged, and you said yes. Knowing you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him.

You traveled more now. Finding yourself in different countries for the majority of the year. But you always went back home when you could. The family and familiarity bringing you comfort.

When Charles asked you to move in with him, you'd been happy. The two of you now completely together. Ready to share your lives with each other.

You were lucky you could take your job anywhere. The traveling often helping provide inspiration for your novel.

Charles made sure you felt comfortable in his, now yours as well, apartment. Making sure you had your favorite foods. He purchased an entire bookshelf just for you. He even stockpiled the apartment with soft blanket.

It was a dream come true for you.

You loved it. Waking up with Charles. Eating breakfast with him. Not having to FaceTime him to say goodnight for half the year.

When the summer break for formula 1 came around, you found yourself wanting to go back to your home country. You'd been back in Monaco for less than a week, but the days had you missing things you didn't realize you would.

You liked it in Monaco. It's your home now. But it didn't stop your mind from wandering back to the streets you grew up on. To your friends and family. The shops you frequented.

That's how Charles found you. Sitting at the table, staring into your cup of tea. Lost in the world of your subconscious.

"Mon Amour? Are you alright?"

His voice dragged out out of your thoughts. Your eyes dragging themselves to his face as he found a spot next to you.

He knew something was wrong. There was really no point in trying to lie when it was written all over your body.

You run your finger around the rim of your glass. Taking comfort in Charles nimble fingers running up and down your arm.

"Just a bit homesick, I guess." You confessed. Sighing at your relentless thoughts. Pulling your heart deeper into its sad state.

Charles hums in response. Considering what you'd said to him. "I think I know how to cheer you up." He smirks.

Charles couldn't take you back to your home country currently. You'd been working ridiculously hard, and he'd been busy doing sim work. He'd get you there soon, but for now, he'd settle for trying to get your mind off things.

An hour later, you were dressed and walking down the streets of Monaco. Nonclue where Charles was taking you. Just giggling as he held your hand and pulled you along with him. The two of you are making conversation about anything that pops into your heads.

Charles was basking in the warmth of your smile. So much so that he almost missed his intended destination. A little corner store with a vintage looking sign reading 'Nook's Books'.

"Here we are." He smiled and opened the door for you. A little bell rang to alert the owner that someone had entered.

Charles watched as your mouth opened in awe. Taking in the shelves lined top to bottom with books new and old. "I thought you might like it."

"Why did I never know about this?"

"It's hidden away, so those who don't know the city will have a harder time finding it. It's our own little corner of peace." He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I was going to surprise you right before the wedding."

It didn't take long for you to grab Charles' hand and lead him down the rows of books.

You'd found many books that you liked and had picked a spot on the floor to look through them.

Charles couldn't help but admire you. On the floor surrounded by books. You looked adorable in his eyes.

He plopped down next to you and spread out his arms and legs. Inviting you without words to come rest your body against his. You happy oblige. Crawling into the safety of his arms.

You spent hours in the small store. Charles listening intently as you either talked about a book or read chapters from one.

The twobof you finally left when the store was about to close. Having spent so much time there that it was now dark outside. The streets illuminated with the orangey hue of lampposts.

Charles spun you around as you walked, Making you giggle. Completely unbothered by the nightlife of Monaco.

When you two made it to the outside of the apartment building, Charles pulled you into him.

"I know I can't get you back to your family right now, but are you feeling a bit better?"

"Yes, thank you, for everything." Your eyes met his soft gaze.

"No thanks needed. I was simply doing my job." He chuckled. Leaning in closer to you.

Finally, his lips landed on yours. A loving kiss shared between you two. But this time, when he kissed you, you knew Charles was your home.

[bitchimasnake-sss]

At this point, I'm just stalking your page! Like I've said before- MASTERPIECES ~

So, if you see me spamming your notifications. I'm just coming in and liking all the posts, now you know why!

But I do have a request for you for the monster trio. Could you write one where the reader talks so much about her family to them, like they feel like they're already part of the family?

Like they already know what family members like and don't, what ticks them off, and such- like they want to meet your family! They want to meet the family that helped raise their girlfriend into the most amazing person in the world! They want to say thank you for allowing them to be part of her world.

So when they hear they'll be going to the island you're from. They get as excited as you to meet/see them, trying their best to look presentable. (Even showering!- I'm looking at you, Luffy, and Zoro👀)

When they met, not only did they welcome him into the family with welcoming arms- HE GETS TREATED BETTER THAN YOU! I can see the family telling them embarrassing stories, showing pictures of you as a kid- He ends up taking some copies of them back to the ship because they can't believe how adorable you were.

Little did he know that they'd already been accepted into the family way before you guys started dating. She would send her family letters telling them how amazing of a boyfriend they are.

I'm so sorry! I got too excited and wrote all this- if it's too much to do to it's okay! I'm close to my family and love them a lot- like I know the monster trio didn't have a great childhood, didn't know their family, etc. Being around a family where you can love each other very much moves them.

Sorry- I'm just rambling! Again! Love your work!!!

this has been in my inbox for fucking months. but im obsessed and finally motivated. lets get fucking wholesome. (idk if youd even see this but hopefully it lives out to your expectations!!)

time of my life ft. monkey d. luffy!

set-up: growing up in a small island with a tight knit community simply meant you were the closest with your parents. they had been your support system, from their grand gestures of love like being present on your important days to the small ones like just offering a shoulder to cry on when you had a rough day, they were truly everything to you. so, it's only natural that you mentioned them a little (or maybe a lot) to your boyfriend. and it may/may not have been a grave mistake.

luffy:

(going off a slight tangent here but its so funny that luffy's character design is just him having giant bug-like himbo eyes and smile. love him 🙏🏼)

♡ everyone loves luffy. that's pretty much his thing. the easiest way to describe him is by thinking of him as a baby goat. no matter how hard you try, you're probably gonna like him at some point or the other. even if you hate animals and babies. its gonna happen because its inevitable. ♡ so, it didn't take you long to figure out that he'd probably fit right in with your family (especially since he was so close with ace whenever he visited, family seemed like his kinda thing) ♡ even before you started dating, when you'd receive letters from your family, luffy was usually the one to ask how they were doing and what you were gonna write back. so, at one point, it seemed as if he knew your family like his own. ♡ he knew of your father's knee pain and your mother's distaste for drinking (she'd probably hate zoro and force him to bath). he knew of your younger sibling's favourite dishes and that they freak out when they see spiders of any size. he listened whenever you talked and for that, you were grateful. ♡ in your recent letters, you may have talked about him. how he's a bit of an idiot but has the heart of gold, how he makes you laugh when you miss your family and how within the crew, you found a new family altogether. ♡ so ofc, one day when you mentioned very briefly that your island is nearby, he and nami had to take a quick detour. ♡ ideally, if your boyfriend knows everything about your family, they'd try to be the perfect boyfriend and do everything right. but this is luffy. so he just remained the exact same and info dumped everything he knew in front of your family (neurodivergent tendencies i presume). ♡ but ofc ur family was obsessed. your mom almost wept tears of joy from how much this bitch was enjoying her food (both you and her lost count after the 17th plate tbh). your sibling almost murdered luffy because now they had to clean a significant amount of plates now. but everyones having a jolly good time (except you 👍🏼) ♡ but now you're parents are showing pictures from your childhood and WHY ARE YOU BUCK NAKED IN LIKE HALF OF THEM JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MOM STOP IT!! YOURE LIKE EMBARASSING ME!! ♡ you ended up leaving after a good three days (the crew had other stuff to get to and a detour can only be so long), but everyone left the place with good memories. sanji has now acquired ten new recipes, zoro may have stolen some alcohol concoction recipes and luffy may have stolen all of your parent's affection towards you. ♡ well whatever, its okay ♡ also, you're not supposed to know this but luffy now has three of your baby photos (all of them may/may not be embarrassing as fuck). it's okay though because it just proves to him that you were adorable then and are adorable now.

a/n: zoro's and sanji's parts will be up soon y'all im trying to write fluff 😭✋🏼

[fire-but-ashes-too]

(Writerblr) intro post!

Hi! welcome to my blog! this is my (very late) writerblr/general/artblr intro, or just somewhere with all my general informations :)

please, go on and read *bows*

☆ Ash is my name on here and i go by she/her

★ Im a teen writer and artist, but i dream of acting

☆ im from italy

★ pan ace and quoiromantic (or wtfromantic its the same) (im still kinda questioning tho??? probs demiromantic??? idk?? feelings r weird atm)

☆ entp and introvert

★ im always up for tag games or stuff like that :)

☆ recently added tags! #ash writes- my writing ofc #ash and her rants- just me talking abt random stuff could be anything serious or not #ash on fire- probs me fangirling over something lol i may get overexcited beware

★ i relate to a spiritual and psychological level to black cats and all their other forms (aka regulus black, tori spring, aristotle mendoza etc etc etc)

i mostly write fantasy or fanfiction, but sometimes i engage in various genres as mystery, dystopian or surrealism :)

★ So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since

genre: fanfiction

audience: general/ teen and up

tropes: rivals to lovers, college AU, slow burn, a lot of fencing, paris✨

cw/tw: past rape/non con, ptsd, homophobia, wounds/blood

progress: i try to update every week but nothing's promised 🥲

snippet here:

Years ago he’d learned to mask his handwriting, so now he could easily forge any handwriting he wanted, if he was given a good example of it being used. There was something extremely interesting in how each person connected two letters to each other. How they wrote an “ar” was different from how they would write an “or”, how much the words were apart from each other and how much pressure they put in the paper told a lot about someone, to him it was like zodiac signs. He didn’t always have to copy other handwritings, not unless he wanted to throw the blame on that person. He just had to invent a brand new writing style, and be careful to not slip his between the cracks. And that’s exctly what he did in the letter. Before Jesper could finish his monologue about how much he had missed out in the past few months holed up in his office, a blackmail threat was ready to be closed inside the paper envelope, just the signature was missing, but he didn’t bother to add it. A proper threat always had to be anonymous, it was always better to give as little information you could. Everything could be used against you. The maroon wax sealed the opening with a satisfying fizzling and a single wisp of smoke. The clock chimed on the wall, it was already 6 pm, he had to go finish some assignments.

(previously titled: questionable decisions)

☆ The Rogue

genre: fantasy, dystopian

audience: teen and up

setting: a fantasy world im currently busy (trying) building

progress: just vibes really, two mainc characters, a couple sides and an outline plus one of the first chapters, not much really but im working on it

characters:

anne: the rogue from where i took the title.

shes a 17 y/o girl who lives in a bunker in a forest, on the run from the government as she's a "high traitor and liar who must be destroyed".

she has the ability to modify her face and appereance for a while and she has a prosthetic arm connected to her virtual friend Indigo.

thanks to it she's able to teleport and keep track of various things.

alexander: the son of the dictator, he's lived his life in a bubble until 2 years ago, when he finally managed to get more social contacts with people and (slightly) catch up on what he's missed, behind his father's back of course.

he meets anne when she's captured and figures she's his best shot at escaping his father domain.

snippet:

This time, she materialised in the shadows behind a bulding, which gave her enough cove for her to shift her facial features. Her nose a little bigger, her hair some shades brighter, her eyes more elongated and greener than the grass growing outside her doorstep and a splash of freckles to top it all off. It was way harder to do it without a mirror, and way more dangerous. For all she knew, she could’ve been looking like a girl with a fish head, and she didn’t know if that would be better or worse than looking like herself. Anne took out a hat and a silk scarf, she wrapped it around her neck and jumped in a group of tourists gazing at the city. In no time she was in the square, vendor’s stands circling her, colourful flags waving in the wind. She could’ve stayed like that for ever, stuck in the memories of her old life, but she knew it couldn’t last forever.

★ Flowers and Homicide

genre: mystery

audience: general

cw/tw: blood, dead bodies, autopsies

main character: Giada

she's a forensics student who one day stumbles (metaphorically) over a dead body in her neighbour's lawn and starts investigating.

progress: actually finished but in italian sadly so in the translation process

☆ Confessions of a timeless man

genre: short story, surrealistic

audience: teen and up

content warning: suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, depression

plot summary: a man is stuck living the same day over and over, after almost 10 years there, he tries to escape his curse by killing himself

progress: completed XD

(here's my ao3 btw)

you want to know more about me! why than you, here you go!

★ my favourite artists are Taylor Swift, Conan Gray, Arctic Monkeys, Chase Atlantic, Marina, Lana del Rey, Sabrina Carpenter, Mother Mother and Billie Eilish (theres more but i cant remember whoops)

☆ synesthetic bitch

★ other than writing, art-ing and reading i love baking/cooking and crocheting

☆ theatre kid over here, always up for screaming my lungs out

★ uhhh im a vegetarian

☆ i know a scary amount about death and murder (especially poisons)

★ i dont have a specific vibe, it usually changes every few months or so

☆ i probably have anxiety but ive never been to therapy so idk 💀

★ always up for fangirling :3 (im in too many fandoms *cries* buuut im most active on pjo, marauders, grishaverse and osemanverse, musicals and some books that i have boards for on my pinterest :D)

☆ i am terribly scared of insects, needles and dogs

★ my (quite unusual) sport is aerial dance, a circus speciality that looks really cool but is acctually really painful

☆ my pinterest, spotify and goodreads if by some reason you're really interested in the chaotic human being that i am :)

thank you for reading this farrr🥹🥹

have a great day/night/life :D

[fandomfluffandfuck]

hi S ok you definitely dont have to answer this bc its basically just me venting and its pretty lame haha but im curious if its something you've ever dealt with or if u have advice... basically i have diagnosed ASD and marvel is my special interest and has been since i was a kid and im pretty positive its going to stay my favorite thing for the rest of my life lol. and sometimes i get so sooo sad and kinda lonely thinking about the fact that like .. i know its basically still one of the biggest fandoms out there but like all my favorite fics were posted like 5-10 years ago mostly from authors that arent even in the fandom anymore and theres never gonna be another movie with steve and bucky together that everyone gets excited about and wants to talk about and theres also just so much less of a fun goofy little tight knit community for stucky on tumblr and online like ... idk i just miss so bad when the mcu was at its peak and there was so much content to consume and so many people passionate about it... and i know theres definitely still a huge presence and like im so thankful that youre an author that i love thats still super active and im always glad to visit your page and to see that theres still so many fans out there that care and wanna interact yknow. but tumblrs different now and its been like ten years since peak stucky content and the actors are all doing their own thing now idk it just makes me sad 😩😩 i feel like such a loser saying it i swear i have other interests and an irl life that is very fruitful and lovely hahaha its just makes me a bit frustrated at my autism because i know i wont be able to ever really stop loving these characters even as others move on

Hey, sweets!

I understand what you mean and you're not a loser, not at all. It's fucking great to have an interest in something, anything--what else is life for? You gotta have something to be focused on and interested in that gives you joy, otherwise, what is there? Just blandness. And, yeah, Marvel fandom is still very much active and that's wonderful and great! But, it's also true that it will never be the same as it was in its heyday. Personally, I wasn't around when the stucky fandom was exploding along the release of CA:TWS/the general MCU height, but I certainly see all the old art, edits, cosplay, etc. that's still reblogged and I've read so many of the fics from years prior, so I have a grasp of what was happening. And I can totally see how you'd miss generally, but especially if your fixation has attached deeply to these characters.

I have a sibling on the autism spectrum (who's old enough to have been diagnosed with Aspergers's syndrome before that was phased out but they are, of course, on the spectrum regardless of arbitrary hierarchical labels that I will restrain from ranting about because I fucking hate that shit, don't talk to me about "high functioning" ugh) and they have a few different life-long hyperfixations as well. So, you're not alone, but, it is hard to think of any actual advice per se. I think you're already doing what you need to be doing, y'know? You're here and enjoying what is going on now, connecting to blogs that are active, finding space where you can talk about these characters, you've got other things to do that also capture your attention, and, of course, you know you're sad about what isn't going on anymore. It's okay to be sad. You can't control what you're passionate about in the same way you can't control who you fall in love with. Are these silly little fictional characters not just people we've fallen in love with a little or a lot, no matter if they don't "exist"? I love that for us. Humans are so cute and full of love.

Fandoms and people change and sometimes it fucking sucks when it happens, sometimes it's great. Either way, it's part of the ecosystem of life. Water and nutrients and air and sun--it makes people change, it makes them grow, and you're allowed to be sad about what they used to be, you just have to keep growing, too. Remember what they were and know who they are now.

Hopefully, something in there helped you feel better, even if it was just from telling someone how you feel.

[crumchycow]

a get to know you better meme

thanks for the tag @thestrangeillusion

do you make your bed?

Nope never, if something doesn't need to be tidied it will not be tidied, have left a bucket in the middle of my room for 9 months because of this.

what's your favourite number?

Don't have one

what is your job?

Currently just a student I kinda need to get a job but studying and working is a lot for me and acquiring a job is annoying and hard so uethggghhhh

If you could go back to school would you?

Um will I continue studying? Maybe....

can you parallel park?

No

a job you had that would surprise people?

None? Probably the most interesting way I have earned money is the only commission I've ever had, which was my mum commissioning me for her work (kindergarten) because they needed 30 little icon drawings that each kid has at like their bag hook and on their stuff to identify them, she didn't like the person who used to do it because they were weird about it for some reason and the designs were kinda cluttered and ugly so my mum was like my child can draw? Yes! and this way I can be really fussy and specific with it.

(dw she paid me quite well)

do you think aliens are real?

In the sense of any life existing outside of earth? yes 100% would be weird if there isn't. In the sense of complex or intelligent life? probably. In the sense of there are human equivalent creatures that have achieved space travel and are equally or more technologically advanced than us, unlikely but possible. Just thinking about how much time life has existed without humans and how long humans have existed before any ideas of space exploration and the very specific technologies and discoveries that were necessary for space exploration I wouldn't be surprised if we are the only ones. Also just like how incredibly difficult space travel beyond our solar system is I think it's unlikely we will truly know or make contact.

can you drive a manual car?

No :) do not care to learn. fuck cars and driving is boring i only learn to drive because its kinda necessary where i live :( get me good public transport government please

what's your guilty pleasure?

im guilty about alot things like drinking milk, eating too much sugar, spending too much money, doing literally anything i will find a way to feel guilty about it but thats just my general state of being since i was a child and i mostly ignore it or work around it.

I guess in the more traditional sense of things i like that are embarrassing and i wouldnt want people to know, it would be reading fucked up smut. Particularly my fondness for incest ships? Don't know why I suspect it is the codependency. but yeah umm...

Tattoos?

Not yet but I wanna get a spider (not decided which) on my back soon.

favourite colour?

Peach

favourite type of music?

Um I mostly listen to kpop because uh autism? idk, but I genuinely like a lot of music. Some of my favourite music is like objectively awful and difficult to listen to, I think I often like music that is complex and has lots of things.

Some of my favourite artists trying to include multiple genres I like:

Mamamoo

Stray Kids

Taemin

F.T. island

Jeff Satur

S3rl

Enaria

Chopin (I'm learning one of his preludes atm it's v pretty)

Vivaldi

BabyBeard

GHOST (vocaloid producer)

also gregorian chants slap (not christian, vocal harmonies just make me feral)

do you like puzzles?

Yes! I just recently was like y'know what I haven't done in years but suddenly really need to do:

But also just generally like I LOVE maths and figuring out things and patterns and stuff so fun.

any phobias?

Nope

favourite childhood sport?

Um not that into sport, I guess I wanted to play netball when I was like 8 (but that might've just been because that's the thing you do) but I missed the trial periods 2 years in a row but kinda glad I didn't I know multiple people with permanent injuries from playing netball as a kid/teen and my joints are not the most functional in the first place. Do still enjoy playing casually every now and then.

do you talk to yourself?

Yes my favourite hobby, I have the best conversations with myself, will stay up for hours just talking to myself. Also great for preparing for real conversations. I love it when a topic I fully thought about and talked to myself comes up in conversation and it's like fuck yeah gonna ace this one.

what movie(s) do you adore?

Hmmm not the biggest fan of movie as a story format but uh have seen how to train your dragon at least 20 times and I need to watch it again sometime soon, been craving that animal/human enemies to deep emotional connection best buds.

coffee or tea?

Love coffee, but over half of my daily water consumption is through tea (usually multiple kinds)

Would be less alive without tea also its just like so diverse, green tea!black tea! rooibos! masala chai! rosehip! liquorice! peppermint..... camomile! and so much more with sugar! with milk! with honey! or lemon! hot! cold! literally my favourite, shoutout to whoever invented plant in water. Also soup different kind of plant in water but still absolutely banging humans peaked at plant in water best things invented.

and caffeine doesn't affect me like at all? so i only drink these things for taste.

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

Idk the first but I know at some stage I wanted to be an author or a marine biologist (why is this so common who put it in our heads? Actually maybe David Attenborough....) probably the first was an animal or something

egh its rambly and may not make sense but whatever, also revealing any information about myself on the internet scares me even though literally nobody could do anything with this information like guys pls dont dox me through knowing my mum is a kindergarten teacher

tagging @gaylittlepieceofsh1t @mousydentist @mr-bazongos @wildelydawn @thestarscanalwayslookatus @fiddlepickdouglas @ae-azile and any one who wants to, no pressure tho <333

[gideongrovel]

rambling vent (still on my trip tho, sorry for the inactivity for those who didn't know)

Last full on my trip rn but i am feeling exhausted,,,, 😭😭😭😭 Tomorrow will be heading home,,, thinking about all the airport stuff has me stressed (not the flying part, I like being high up, its just like the security and people stress me),,, 😓

The trip has been fun mostly,,, but not relaxing in the slightest 😓😓😓 Its been nice to see my older brother since we can geek out about OP together in person, and he like gave me some gifts for it,,,,, but without getting into it,,, there are reasons i dont like being around him either,,, so its a mixed bag 🫤 and my dad is such a misogynist and bigot having to hear the shit he says and not being able to leave when he says it is infuriating 🙄🙄🙄🙄

I am such a shut in, and normally leave the house like maybe 5 times a month if even that,,,,, so going out and about for 9 days straight is alot for me- i know thats nothing to most "normal" people,,,,, but for someone in my life/situation it's alot,,,,,,, being around people and being active so much has me drained completely 😓😓😓😓😓 Im feeling such burn out,,,, and I miss my cats (especially my lil baby ET,, she is very codependent towards me so I've been worried how she has been holding up 😢), also since i was scared of them getting broken or stolen on the plane- i didnt bring my Chop or Brook figures and i miss them too!! I need my wife and bf 😭😭😭😭 Not bring my main comfort items was a big mistake,,, but the stress of something happening also was too much- so I couldn't win either way,,,,

I always feel awful when I get this level of burn out / sad feeling on a trip,,,, they're supposed to be a good time but I've held back from crying a few times now,,,, I just wanna be home in my own bed, shower where im familiar with, being able to do stuff on my own pace, just like my regular routine stuff in general 😭😭😭😭 At the same time going back home means having to deal with some family i dislike being around- which I am not looking forward to,,,, 😓😓😓

Burnout sometimes will put me in depressive episodes, and feeling emotional highs my crashing is always bad,,,,,, 😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓

ALSO I MISS GETTING ON HERE!! IM MISSING SO MUCH NOT BEING ABLE TO CHECK ANYTHING 😭😭😭😭 tumblr crashes too much for me to check anything on my phone,,,, i really hope yall are doing good,,,, like idk if my absence has been noticable or cared about? (/nm) but i do miss yall alot,,, miss seeing your creations and ships 😭😭😭 it will be too much to check 9days worth on everyone pages so i am sorry for everything i missed

-

But anyways just have to make it though today and the flights tomorrow 😭 then things can go back to normal

[sharm-the-shark]

Uuuummmm, hey, its shark week, and of course, me, being me, i couldn't miss It

I've been thinking about drawing some regular sharks, but, if you now me from my beginnings ( If so im so sorry ) you'll know i like messing around and creating my own species, never really giving them a background or functional things, but this time, this time is different, i've decided that i wasnt just going to make a simple shark and leave it there ( at least thats the plan ) i want to make a hole new planet with its own unique species, i still have to determine some stuff about it but, i think that starting out with a shark is a good way to start It so

Here It is!!

The photo is kinda scuffed i know and there are some stuff still left to add and adjust but its 3 am and i dont really feel like continuing It today, I'll post some updates on It as i go ( i promise )

And, yeah, this is It, if you're wondering why doesnt it look like a shark?? Well, first of all, screw you, second of all, its from a new planet im creating give me so I make the rules :3, but an actuall reason as to why it looks so... Unique to say It some way, its that i was watching avatar 2 yeah i know, im super original and cool but, actually most of the stuff It has has a function, and a lot of stuff also depends on the background and place where it lives and its behaviour like, the dots on its higher back are made to resemble a species of coral which i still havent created, then the big markings on its pectoral fins, those are made to resemble eyes to scare off predators like some real life animals do!! Take a look at a tigers ears from behind or, or, some butterfly species do It ( i think ) then there are the tendrils on its back which are used for comunication between each other and much much more stuff that i've thought about but it'd be way too much yapping ( if somehow someones reading this and wants to know more just send an ask or reply or idk whichever way you find easiest to ask ) so, yeah, it also doesnt have a name yet

I'll probably figure that out for the next post

Cya!!

[grntaire]

oversharing on the internet again lol

i kinda think i should break up w my partner and im super sad and confused abt it bc like. i love him very much and he is an incredibly kind person and is rly funny and attractive and all of these things and yet. i still feel like something is missing. like i never felt a magnetism to him or butterflies or anything like that? i would get excited when he'd text me and i would look forward to seeing him but i think i just need someone who matches my energy more? i'm definitely more outgoing than he is which is ironic bc i'm really not extroverted in the traditional sense. like i can talk to ppl plenty once i'm comfortable but it takes me a bit to get there. and truthfully being the more outgoing one in a relationship is not really a pressure i can handle. i'm also like, the only one who ever suggests we go out and do stuff. i genuinely can't remember the last time or if he's ever suggested we go out on a date, ever, and ik he doesn't mostly because of money which i get, and also bc he's very much the type of person who any quality time is good quality time and doesn't need to go out on dates to know that but it's really important to me and i've told him that and he's never done anything abt it. also when we do go out i usually end up paying for the both of us bc he's a full time student rn and i was working full time for a while and could kind of afford it but also like, no i couldn't lol. that's not to say he doesn't do anything for me ever, quite the opposite, really. like i don't drive bc Trauma so he has to drive an hour just to see me and he does it gladly, he's also given me so many rides to work before too. not to say we've been too transactional bc for the most part we've been okay about it but at the end of the day i think i just feel love on like, a bigger scale than he does, or i want a love that feels bigger than this. i am definitely more of a romantic than i let myself admit and idk i am so scared that i would be settling if i stayed with him.

but also generally i'm in an odd place w my life. i'm living at home again and i'm putting off my student teaching again so i can save up money and get my breast reduction and all that and i went through a whole career crisis bc graduating college in 2020 and starting grad school immediately that fall fucking sucked and i had wicked bad burn out that i'm still recovering from and i really struggled with whether or not with my love for music and if i still wanted to teach it. im finally in a place where i know its what i love and it's what i want to do, though, which is nice. i also need to restart therapy (doing so at the end of the month) and work thru my trauma so i can get my license bc oh man is it catching up to me and dealing w the guilt of ppl having to drive me places is slowly driving me nuts. so part of me is like idk maybe its not him maybe its everything else. or maybe its all of it. but it just feel like my life right now is so crowded and i just cant handle it all and my gut is saying i need space from him. but i'll miss him so much, too. fuck this fucking sucks lmao

[awsugar]

Ngl I feel like one of my fears is coming soon, and that's you officially leaving tumblr. I know you've been mentioning it for the past couple of years and you haven't been nearly as active. And I know that's because of your work schedule and eventually you'll move past this app in general. But it makes me really sad lmao. And I realize this sounds really blamey, I swear it's completely understandable that you'll leave. Idk why im sending this lol. Just I guess saying I'm gonna miss ya.

i feel like i've always said that i will never officially leave tumblr...tbh. ive gone through periods recently where i don't have enough time and tbh i would DEFINITELY spend more of my off-work time on tumblr these days if mcr were active. but they're not. at the same time, i still come on here and post. recently i've posted more since i've been out of work and yes i'm about to go back to work. but like if mcr does another tour i will be here. for any of the shows that im not at 😭 it's just that tumblr doesn't have the allure to me that it used to. the glory days of tumblr are over, anyone who was THERE knows that its true. i 100% miss the community aspect and if the community was here and i knew who to follow to get all sorts of mcr content on my dash i would follow them and maybe spend more time online but tbh its hard to hold up a fandom for a band that is not giving us anything new.

even though the glory days of tumblr are over, the pandemic provided us the perfect ecosystem to thrive tbh, no one was working, everyone was on their laptop, and there was a plethora of reunion stuff to speculate about. of course it boomed. i had SO much fun on tumblr during the pandemic/reunion era after i had tbh taken some time off of the internet for my mental health. i got pulled right back in and it was SO much fun. but rn theres nothing. if theres a big group of people having a ton of fun with creating mcr-related content/theories/etc please lead me in that direction cause i would love it! but the truth is ive been on tumblr for 15 years. same blog. ive seen a rise and fall in activity so many times. and i beleive this to be a dry spell, at least for mcr, because of the lack of anything they're giving us. and the fact that many have moved to twitter even though tumblr is so obviously superior in so many ways!

but all that being said, i dont see my last tumblr post coming any time soon. tumblr is still in the dock on my phone, one of the apps i feel like i can never remove because it has played such a big part in my life. and i will continue to come on here in varied levels of activity. but as far as deleting tumblr or making my final post or being gone for months on end with 0 posts, its not happening. im still here. i LOVE tumblr. i just miss the community. despite my lack of time if i had a group of friends to interact with i would definitely be on more.

[entomolog-t]

Hi! I was the anonymous ask regarding borrower stuff being both a comfort for independence and safety. I really liked your interpretation of it! for me however, its kinda funny since I have been...fairly protected throughout my life without that much stress or obligations where it feels like, im not ready for future life and scared, so i see being a borrower as proving myself, like "hey, I can do stuff" with still of course, that comfort of a safe haven, and in a way (something i also have problems with) accepting help instead of needlessly trying to do things alone as for the "homework" side you gave, for what i like with trust buildup is that it requires both sides to get over something. I feel like a lot of the time, its shown as a struggle to just the giant, but i think it could also be one for a tiny to get over themselves, to not see everything as a threat, or in my case, accept that i need help. OH thats also why trust buildup through a forced situation is so good (like being injured or sick)

as for what im missing in life...independence? or feeling like i can be independent? idk how else to go further or relate stuff lol. sorry for the long tangent

Back in session baby.

Let me quickly go through my files...

Ah Ha- Here it is.

I would like to preface this by stating protected doesn't inherently mean without stress. Having a good support system and lots of protection can also allow for intrinsic issues to arise;

"I've been given such a good life/good opportunities so I have to do good"

or even what you just stated, "not feeling ready enough"

Both of these types of examples can lead to an internal feeling of yearning to prove oneself and a fear of failure. During childhood and adolescence its extremely important to our development of self that we prove to our brains we are reliable and competent.

Let me elaborate; our brains operate on evidence to determine reality, this is why things that go against long held beliefs can be core shattering. The more proof you provide to a certain concept, the more your brain will accept that concept subconsciously and consciously. If you have found yourself to be protected and without lots of obligations it likely suggests your brain has not garnered enough proof to support the idea that you are capable. To alleviate this feeling we should start looking for small ways we can start establishing your competency to your own brain. Perhaps if you still live with family you could ask to do tasks with them. Little things that you personally see as "adult" or responsible. Start off small so you can build a good repertoire of proof within your brain. Keep your room tidy. Its an easy way to exert control over your space and subconsciously reinforce values attributed to being capable.

Once you build a solid foundation of proof towards your own competency, you should seek to challenge yourself further and start chipping away at larger/harder types of proof you value. Keep in mind no one starts out as a master, and we all must learn by playing the fool. Failure is a beautiful part of life.

There was a really good inspirational audio clip that was making the rounds on social media a while back. It goes;

If you're lost the answer is education

If you're educated the answer is execution

If you're executing the answer is consistency

This advice can be extremely useful when trying to identify where you should orient your goals.

Now lets delve into the realm of fantasy. A borrower amongst the world of humans is very much an "othered" archetype. Someone different from the norm/everyman. Proving oneself and showing ones competency to both oneself and others is a very typical hero's journey. I'm going to assume for most fantasies you envision proving yourself to the human that you also see as your protector. There is quite an interesting duality at play there. The simultaneous need to be an individual and capable, but the yearning for safety and protection.

While narratively there is many ways to explain this relationship (friendship that complements/completes one another, acceptance of ones own limitations etc...) The initial impression of the duality sounds very reminiscent of the rebellious teenager archetype. Those in-between stages between being an adult and being within the care of adults. Here specifically it seems like there could be subconscious projection of the concept of ones parental figures onto the Giant. Larger than life, immensely capable in ways that seem beyond ones own capabilities, the desire to prove oneself, paired with the role of protector/safe haven/comfort.

How does the borrower typically prove themselves in these narratives?

What does the giant tend to think of them initially vs more progressed into the fantasy?

There are many interesting questions we can ask to explore this concept more in-depth.

I also think it is key that you mentioned having a difficulty accepting help. Within the already established context, that is indicative of a need to prove oneself. "I need to do this by myself so that everyone can see I am capable" (yet that "everyone" could very likely just be replaced by "I" ). There is nothing wrong with accepting help, but should we notice we have a noticeable aversion to it, its important to ask a series of "Whys" (this is one of my favorite exercises) and determine how to accommodate these deeper needs. Its never usually as simple as "I just don't want help."

Series of whys example;

I like plants in my house

Why?

I like that it brings energy and life into the house.

Why?

When people enter my home I want them to perceive life and caring.

Why?

I want people to see me as capable and caring

Why?

I am boisterous and goofy, so I want to make sure others see how much I care

Why?

I want to be loved.

Play this "game" until you end up with something that can't really be further broken down (usually ends up as love, power, or fear, but not exclusively). See how such a simple statement has quite a bit more subconscious meaning behind it? The line of questions act by fishing into our subconscious for an answer. These very simple concept will become surprisingly deep very fast.

I would recommend trying this activity with things related to this trope; not wanting help specifically.

Homework

What do you personally find most compelling for building trust in G/t scenarios?

I like with trust buildup is that it requires both sides to get over something. I feel like a lot of the time, its shown as a struggle to just the giant, but i think it could also be one for a tiny to get over themselves, to not see everything as a threat, or in my case, accept that i need help. OH thats also why trust buildup through a forced situation is so good (like being injured or sick)

Lets dissect this answer! What does it mean to get over something? Generally speaking it is to surpass, to overcome, to grow. Kinda ironic wording give the context but hey, what can you do. You go on to elaborate that the tiny might need to get over themselves, and not see everything as a threat. Does saying that sound like you are speaking to a mirror (given the next highlighted part, I imagine so)? Our subconscious is not always as subtle as we imagine it to be.

If so, I would highly recommend further dissecting what about the Giant you have tinys see as a threat.

Take a peak at the embedded link to see another session that examined said trope. If it feel like something is missing, you can always book another appointment.

Analyze the above answer as if you are looking for your love language, except in this exercise, we are looking to see what you look for to trust someone, why it has value to you, and why that aspect may be missing in your current life

[...] As for what im missing in life...independence? or feeling like i can be independent? idk how else to go further or relate stuff lol. sorry for the long tangent

Don't worry if this seems hard at first. This is not an easy question. I'm looking for an answer a little more specific and less abstract. There is zero pressure to be able to answer this.

For example, when you mentioned you like both sides having to get over something, lets list out some specific examples of things you like them to get over; fear of touch, fear of being hurt, fear of trusting the other and being betrayed etc...

If we have a couple examples we can then see if there are any repetitive themes. There are a multitude of interpretations for "fear of touch" like actual fear of touch, fear of connection, of intimacy, of strangers... but when we put it into the context of the other previous examples it seems to lean towards fearing connection because one has no power over what the other may do to their vulnerability.

You're answer to the first part of the question seems to indicate you like actions to demonstrate trust. The conscious act of getting over something. If this seems to ring true, you might be yearning for something similar in your own life; Inaction from yourself, or a lack of action in others?

Keep in mind these are only assumptions. If something doesn't ring true I can try asking different question until we find something that strikes a chord.

----

My secretary will have you book a follow up session at your nearest convenience ! Please keep in mind we are fairly booked and may take around a week to see you next.

[wannaremember]

I saw @homosociallyyours and @jlf23tumble post theirs and felt like doing this since I can't sleep. I am not the best at picking answers to things but i will try.

Relationship status: Single. I don't know if i see myself ever being anything else. So in that way its complicated, my view of what I want, what I can have, whats possible and whats not. I try not to think about it though. I'm also kind of bitter about some things which sours my thoughts on relationships.

Favorite colors: is it okay to say every colour? Like i am so bad at picking a favourite thing :/ but if i had to pick right now, I'd say red. The answer could be different at any other given moment though 😅

Song stuck in my head: at the moment there is none. I dont think my brain has the space for it at the moment. I also can't think what the last song stuck in my head would have been but I do remember Happier than Ever being stuck in my head somewhat recently.

Last song I listened to: Bad friend by Rina Sawayama. I feel like anytime i do these things I'm always mentioning the same artists lol but really blame the spotify shuffle algorithm. Anyway i do love the song so I'm not mad about it.

3 favorite foods: once again picking a favourite is tough but for this its easier because I do have my ultimate favourite food in mind. Khausey, its like this noodle and yellow curry dish. Googling it probably won't be very useful and theres often different variants of it depending on what your cultural background is. So i usually think of the version I've grown up eating. I can never make it as good myself and its a lot of work to make the curry so I rarely make it myself. But god its the best. Second is halwa puri. Again something i can't explain but i love it. It always tastes best when you get it from the street. I think I'm going to start listing out all the street food i miss from back home as well as other foods i miss that i just cant get here, atleast not as good as they are back home so ill pick something different for the third option lol. Nutella, im not going to call it food per se and its not even that i think its particularly great but its a comfort thing for me where i just eat a few spoons of it on its own when I'm feeling low, or pmsing or anything, it takes very little excuse.

Last thing I googled: Moonlight, the movie, i saw a mention of it in a fic i was reading and googled it.

Dream trip: there's not really one place i would pick, like a world tour would be ideal and i could just go to all these different countries and explore different neighbourhoods, try out different food, do some activities, etc. If I had to be more specific, I'd go for Europe, though. I still get sad that I didn't get to travel much when I was there, and I can't really go back anytime soon.

Anything I want right now: more friends. People who i can talk to, who will get me and i wont have to worry about censoring myself or not being able to be myself completely. I feel like its a pretty big constant in my life though to want friends but never doing enough to make them. Idk but yeah also people in peron like that especially but even online closer friends that aren't just on messages and arent just fandom focused in conversation. I dont know whats tougher for me though interacting with people online or in person, they're both scary. Anyway i am trying but yeah friends was the very first thing i could think of to answer this.

I don't know who has done this already so i might tag someone who has already. I'll tag @bigxrig @uhoh-but-yeah-alright @suesheroll and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!

[goliraz]

cracker island track by track review

'review' used very loosely. These R the thoughts of a tipsy scouser

got too long so it's hidden; it is mainly critical tbh not because Im negative or mean its just my track by track thoughts and on sound alone this (2 me) was the weakest album they've ever put out

cracker island: if it came on in a club I would dance to it but I don't know if Id be having a great time. The song feels way more redundant than it might actually be because there's only like 1 melody in it. The instrumental melody & the vocals r the same. So IDK it's like. Its definitely technically a song. But it's like the bare minimum of a song

oil: I wish if any of the songs on this album broke from the popsynth fake drums mold it would be this one. The thing about Stevie Nicks is I don't listen to fleetwood mac at all but her voice is so unique and captivating. It crushes me like an anvil on my head that they didn't even let her sing on her own + kept her to a secondary harmony the whole time. This more than any of the other songs would have benefitted from real instruments IMO. The up a perfect fourth down a perfect third hook is catchy & that pattern can't fail it sounds good nomatter what.

the tired influencer: at this point in the album Im starting to wonder why they even bother with the characters playing instruments anymore cos what did noodle do on this album. There's like no guitar at all on the album. All the bass is synth bass. The characters' function in the band/story is getting less & less relevant to the music it annoys me. IDK this song is boring 2 me. Its like if the Fall was overproduced and had nothing 2 say

silent running: this song has always since it came out felt half finished. It's like the basis of a song that's not done IDK I feel like it's missing a component that might make it feel whole. The feature could have been deleted and the song would be the exact same; something I notice about the features on this album except Bootie brown & bad bunny is that they're extremely underutilized to the point where they might not have even been there. Like ur featuring an artist to do a background harmony??? Maybe this song will feel more done & real when I hear the piano version

new gold: 1 of the better ones on the album for me completely because of Bootie brown. Even though they took a rapper who is so strong and good even (especially) live and put his voice through 100million filters and dampened his skill completely. The live version of this one is how I wish it sounded on the album cos the energy of Bootie's part in that saves this song; timing is kind of cool but it's not like. New in any way.

baby queen: if they had changed the presentation of each instrumental in this song they could have made it an 80s synthpop genre piece like aries that would have been 4x better. I wish it wasn't so so so so so so boring to me. It just sounds like all the other songs on the album IG it feels like a filler song to me. Even just better/less smooth tone/effects on the synth wld have been something but suppose not

tarantula: it's catchy but it feels low effort. The lyrics r dumb IDK how else to put it not that they're inherently stupid but they're dumbed down. Compared to sum of their earlier more 'romantic' minded lyrics like every planet + some of the stuff off plastic beach, "if ur good for me and Im good for u then that's all I need in my life" sounds like a 2014 pop lyric geared towards the 11-16 age demographic u feel. Lyrically they've dumbed down their shit so much

tormenta: fine I guess. It's mid reggaeton that's too produced and smooth to even dance to. If it came on in a club compared to most other bad bunny songs I've heard not even the bad bunny fans would dance. It's like. Too slow to be what the only things going for it would suggest it is. The little synth break at around like 2:40 is the prettiest thing in the song to me I wish maybe they had leaned more towards that for tone instead of trying for something the song is just not

skinny ape: the third better song on the album. In terms of like well these are better than the rest. Like it's this new gold and oil I think. Maybe this is the song that feels the most comfortable in what it is. It sounds exactly like 2012 radio pop in the self proclaimed "alternative" genre like grouplove an shit. Like it sounds like 1 song in particular but I cant remember what it is and its driving me fucking mental. Something about it is likeable even though the lyrics are so fucking dumb I wanna tear my ears off. U are not a cartoon G damon u are an embarrassing middle aged geezer

possession island: like if Idaho kind of forgot its poignancy. But there's something really beautiful about the first minute of it. Maybe this is actually one of the better ones too. The further Im getting into it the more Im liking it. I don't see why beck had to be there. It's like the plague of this album they feature someone to literally sing backup. Anyway the further I get in this song the more I like it I think it's my favourite song on this album probably. OK goodbye

addendum: if I listened 2 any of these songs coked out of my mind they'd probably sound fine so maybe I should just save this album 4 those circumstances

[rudy-sport]

long post under the cut. Jacky Ramble Hour

man I think abt when I used to be one of the fnaf guys and how I used to associate with a buncha other fnaf guys and we all had a server that two of them ran and that's where I met a lotta my current bro dawgs but also.

there was a lotta drama stuffs. between one of them and someone whos a big fnaf artist [im deliberately leaving names out.] and its a lil wild that i used to jus sorta.

hang out with those sorts of people bc that was when I was 15-17 and that's. 2-4 years ago. and now I can hardly handle people with a well known name following me without being scared about them being sort of unsavory bc 2-4 years of hearing about the stuff that can happen leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

and sometimes I miss being a fnaf guy, and doing art trades with fellow fnaf guys and I miss makin/receiving gifts with those kinds of people bc one time my bro Mike [do you still go by that name dawg? Skullzy20? idk I haven't checked in on that in a min im never on tumblr anymore it seems.]

but anyways. Bro drew my version of mangle and it was so. BADASS. and I still have that drawing and the drawing of Mangos old design. I've got so much gift art from that era of my life and it sucks that I don't ever talk to anyone anymore bc it makes me sad to even look at that stuff anymore. Fuck, even old rox art makes me sad bc two of the drawings are from when Alyce was a fnaf oc and I still don't know what possessed me to just rip her from my fnaf au bc like. there was no good reason but I can't just put her back

Dunno. Nostalgia kinda hurts sometimes but I think thats just. part of growing up? I don't really know anymore, I've been sitting on these feelings for about a year now.

[scatterpatter]

Mnnngh art vent under the cut

I really miss when art was easy for me. It used to come so, so easy, even though I'd say my art wasn't as good as it is now. Like I'd def say I've improved, but its so much harder to get art out now than it used to be

I look back at the art I used to make and I seriously lament how easy it was. Even if it was just doodles, I could get so many out, I remember back in like 2019 i could often get at least one doodle out a day and it felt great. It was my outlet, my way I connected with others, the way I shared ideas and made stories, and now I feel that outlet has been practically severed and it really, really hurts

Artfight def hurts the worst. I was so excited for this year, so ready to reconnect with a lot of my friends and bond over silly AF attacks, and it was genuine! I didnt have any big plans this month other than just doing my job so I was so happy to do this. July last year was awful, I was in a horrifically abusive situation and that abuse reached its peak last July, I was in a bad bad place. But I've completely cut that abuser from my life and I'm in a much better space, so I really thought this July would be me turning things around

But as soon as I got a lot of attacks, I just- fucking shut down. I kept thinking on how much "make up revenges" I'd have to do and it got to the point where I'd get overwhelmed every time I picked up my tablet. What became "Hehe can't wait to make art for my friends!" Quickly spiralled into "Oh god I need to do so many revenges I cant keep up", and it just made me catatonic and I hate that. And the worst is that I know no one's exepcting me of anything, I dont have to revenge everyone, its all for fun- I know its just this expectation im putting on myself and im the only one disappointed in myself but I just cant stop how catatonic its left me and its really tough to deal with because ive only done 1 attack so far. Ive spent the entirety of July going "shit i need to work on attacks. Its ok ill do it later." And now its July 31 and ive only done one. I set a goal of doing at least ten. I thought ten wouldve been manageable, but I just cant do what I used to do and it really really hurts

And I keep being told that Im having a hard month. That works been stressful and working 40hr a week leaves me with significantly less free time than I had back in college, so of course i have less time/energy for art, but it still hurts because I dont. Feel like work has been that bad. Yeah its been bad but ive dealt with horrific stress before and ive handled it fine. I feel like if I go "its been a rough month" ill be saying that every month. And i dont want that. Im really healing and im getting in better places, I feel like still struggling this much doesnt feel "right". Hell my therapist just told me that i might be in remission or partial remission for my major depressive disorder. Like I have a professional telling me im getting better but I still struggle to do something that came so easily and it hurts really really badly.

Im gonna see what i can do for last minute attacks. Might not be great attacks, but i want to see if i can get something, anything out. It just hurts because i had so many ideas for my friends and I dont know what Ill be able to do for them and I feel horrible. I feel severed from them and from my main outlet of connecting with others.

And i know its just a sign of burnout or art block or mental illness or what the fuck ever. But I feel like ive been making too much progress in myental health to be struggling this hard. I love making art and i love artfight and sharing art with my friends but as soon as I try, I go completely catatonic and its really really hard because i used to be able to do this so easily and i want it to be easy again but I dont know what im doing wrong to still be struggling this hard

Idk bottom text

[huntingsys]

hi there! i dont follow your stuff but i wanted to ask for your opinion on something since youre a autistic system.

im apart of an autistic system, and recently ive been feeling like im not myself. my mannerisms have changed, my mood has changed, and even my mindset has changed. most notably is my mannerisms, which is why the autistic part is important. nothing in my life has really changed, which is why i know its not that.

recently ive been expressing myself/acting in a different way, which feels better than how i did before, so i think i mightve been masking heavily and now that im expressing myself in a way that feels more natural i feel better.

HOWEVER, i've felt recently like a part of me is missing, like a chunk of my identity was tore away. i also literally cannot remember a serious chunk of my trauma with one person when i could recount ~80% of it before.

my latest headmate (to my knowledge) formed about a month ago, and i think ive started feeling this way about a week after that. i still feel like that.

i cant recall a time (recently) where ive felt this way so intensely, so im wondering if you think this could be because of my autism or if its system related, like a split thats just been extremely intense. idk? i usually dont notice when we split other than the increased migraines and the sometimes blurry identity :[

ahhh idk! sorry if this was too long, im not good at explaining stuff :P

hi mate :]

we’ve had very similar experiences to what you’ve been explaining, specifically with our protector and our old host. both times something happened which caused a large shift and splits.

sometimes an alter might split from another and take certain aspects of their mannerisms/personality with them. you might not realise until a little while after that it has actually happened, which could potentially explain what happened to you. that’s what went on with the old host- renny split from him and took a lot of his personality with him.

however i totally get the masking thing. we all express our special interests openly now and that has felt much more comfortable, but we also went through a period of questioning- especially when a couple introjects/fictives began popping up ((stares at funtime foxy who appeared out of NOWHERE))

i guess one of the biggest things to note is that these things are absolutely gonna overlap- maybe the process of unmasking caused your brain to go “oh hold on what are you doing here” and hit the split button. it’s one of those things which are gonna be near impossible to find one specific answer for.

all you can really do is (when possible) talk to your headmates about the recent split, if they noticed the similarities between the two of you, but also the split directly if they’re comfortable. you’re all in this together. they might not have all the answers, and it may just end up being a case of just letting these things happen.

i wish you the best though!! you got this <3

- JAMIE 🖇️